#I cannot imagine how the grief must have hit mary

[arthursfuckinghat]

I think sometimes people need a little reminder about this scene and how important it is in showing us how the dynamic between Arthur and Mary worked.

The feelings between them are solely mutual, nobody is taking advantage of the other, and they actually talk about it. They have the maturity to admit how much they wanted things to be different, and they agree that it's all in the past now.

Mary doesn't demand his help or beg on her knees. She asked sincerely because that's still her father, no matter how he treats her. Arthur knows this, he knows how important (what's left of) her family is to her. He put his feelings about her father aside because he wants to help.

Even despite how their lives had changed over the years, they still cared so much about eachother. After losing her husband, her brother going back to college, her mother not being around anymore and her father still being abusive, Mary was fucking lonely.

She was so miserable and if there was anybody left that she could trust, it would absolutely be Arthur.

And it hurts because so much between them was left unsaid, it's just that Arthur took it to the grave.

[calaisreno]

Re-Read Recs: Victorian Edition

Thanks to @totallysilvergirl for pointing me to this post by @acethatlovesdinos asking for more Victorian Johnlock. Your timing is great; I was just compiling a list of Victorian setting fics for my next RRR post!

If you go searching specifically for Johnlock in a Victorian setting, part of the problem, as always, will be finding things. As admirable as the AO3 tagging system is, when you're searching for something specific, you still have to dig a bit.

Many people, myself included, assign all their Victorian stories to the fandom tag "Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle."

But some writers add "Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle" to all their stories, including those set in BBC or other adaptations, because they wish to attribute the characters' creator.

And some do not use the ACD tag at all because their stories, even those in a Victorian setting, are inspired by the BBC adaptation and imagined with those characters.

There are other tags: Victorian, Victorian Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Victorian Holmes/Watson, Victorian Johnlock.

(My own approach: readers may imagine whatever actors they prefer; I tag by the setting. Even so, I've tagged stories set in the 1920s and 1820s as ACD, even though these are outside of the Victorian Era.)

There is no one-click method to separate out all the stories, and only the stories, where Watson and Holmes are together in a Victorian setting. AO3 lets us use tags however we wish; it's a folksonomy, a collaborative system. For the number and variety of stories contained there, it is the most practical method.

You can search an individual author's works, filtering and sorting by kudos, hits, relationships, tags, and other things. You can search anyone's bookmarks in the same way. (I'm always surprised when people don't know this!)

If you search my works, for example, you will find 60 stories in the Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle fandom. A couple of those are tagged 'timetravel,' so if you don't want that, you can exclude that tag. If you don't want any stories with Mary Morstan married to John Watson, you can exclude John Watson/Mary Morstan under Relationships.

However you search, if you filter your search results by hits or kudos, you will find that stories in the ACD/Victorian Johnlock category have many fewer of these. AO3 went live only a year or so before BBC Sherlock began to air, and it was one of the top fandoms for many years. There are a huge number of stories in the BBC fandom.

But there are dedicated and talented authors who have been writing Holmes/Watson for a long time, and today I'd like to point you towards a few of them. Here are some of my favorite re-reads:

Memento Vivere - @mydogwatson - The life stories of Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes and John Watson. An alternate history.

My Gentle Sin Is This - janeofarc - It takes a near miss for Holmes to realize that he cannot imagine his life without Watson.

Missing Pages - @PlaidAdder - a group of interlinked short stories (most between 2000 and 7000 words) which tell the story of how Holmes and Watson really came to be separated at the Reichenbach Falls, and how they found each other again

Missing - @Random_Nexus - Holmes is missing. Watson is trying to figure out where he is and what happened.

Oubliette - gardnerhill - A series: a treatise on love and grief. Watson is kidnapped by a gang; Holmes must find him before it's too late.

Laphroaig in the Lumber Room - wordybirdy - Holmes & Watson discover a bottle of Laphroaig inside the lumber room at Baker Street. A drinking game of truth results in intimate confessions.

All of these authors have written many excellent Victorian Holmes/Watson fics. But there are many more you should look at if you want to read more of our boys in their original canon setting. I think I will have to write a Part 2 for this post!

Thanks for reblogging!

@totallysilvergirl @lisbeth-kk @helloliriels @keirgreeneyes

@redmondcollege @raina-at @7-percent @lhrinchelsea

@a-victorian-girl @ghostofnuggetspast @friday411

@meetinginsamarra @inevitably-johnlocked @copperplatebeech

[lesamisandlesmiserables]

On seeing the 2018 Les Mis North American tour - Mod Fantine

First off, I am going to be talking about everything about the experience. So if you plan on seeing it or have never seen Les Mis in any form SKIP THIS POST! I do not want to spoil anything for you. But if you cannot see it or already know the plot, this is the post for you!

Before I go on I must say that I went to an Accessibility performance. I don’t know what they are called where you are but that’s what my theater called it. This show was for the deaf, HOH and blind. This means there was a small screen that had subtitles and there were ASL interpreters. Hats off to those interpreters, they were subtle but they also gave a performance all their own. They seemed deeply passionate about A) their work and B) the story. While I did not need those accommodations I am so happy to see theater being opened up to everyone. 

Now on with my review!

The set and general stage design: The show was a bit dark lighting-wise. Les Mis is a darker show, yes, but everything looked like it was happening either evening or midnight. When Valjean is released from prison, it looks like they are doing it in the middle of the night and when Marius runs into Cosette for the first time it looks as if Valjean and Cosette are giving alms at night. 

I know they got rid of the revolving stage but the barricade seemed much sparser and thin. Not a gripe just an observation. I thought they made great use of the space and the set design of the alleys was marvelous. The sewers were excellently staged. The projection made Valjean seem so small and really demonstrated how hard that task was.

I have no idea if this is in all productions but they got rid of the time cards. You know the ones that say ‘Toulon’ or ‘Paris’? I think those time cards explain the story. Imagine if you have never seen the show; it must be confusing to understand the time jumps and location changes. Granted, these time cards were in the program but who is going to remember to look in the program for this info?

Lastly, I love the return to our boi Victor Hugo! They used some of his original art for backdrops and the title is in his original handwriting. I love how this is reconnecting the musical to its origins. It is in less of the big 80s style and more subtle and nuanced. 

Nick Cartell as Valjean: 

10/10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He played Valjean a bit more angry and human. It is so easy to write Valjean off as a saint or a Jesus figure but Cartell’s Valjean was a flawed human. Valjean is always known as super strong and invincible but Cartell gave Valjean a limp after he leaves Toulon. But going along with not being perfect physically this Valjean is also flawed internally.  He doesn’t magically forgive Javert. He still holds a lot of resentment but knows that lashing out is not the solution. When he lets Javert go at the barricade, he doesn’t look like he wants to, but he knows that it isn’t his job to decide who dies.

BUT BUT BUT.........the connection between his Valjean and Cosette was so sweet! He did this cute thing when he first saves Cosette where he touches his nose and then boops Cosette’s nose. This happens several key times in the show: when they first meet, when Javert almost catches them giving alms and when Valjean dies. My heart just melted!!!!! This really cements that this is a father and daughter.  

Continuing on the idea of this Valjean feeling like a real human... when he gets the letter from Marius meant for Cosette he is like WTF my daughter isn’t a little girl anymore. He pauses throughout the song as if he is processing what Marius is saying. He also regarded Marius as if, “I don’t like you but my daughter does and that is the only thing that matters!” Also during his confession to Marius, he looks at him like: “If Cosette is ever unhappy with you, you better bet I will come running back from wherever I am. NO ONE HURTS MY LITTLE GIRL!”

Vocal-wise this man is now my favorite Valjean. His rendition of Bring Him Home was hauntingly beautiful. Bring Him Home is either one of the most beautiful songs or the worst sounding. It is so easy to miss those high notes but Cartell executes this song perfectly. His voice, in general, leans more towards tenor than the traditional baritone. He never screeched his words and his singing sounded effortless and clean. But seriously, if you ever have the chance to hear him sing Bring Him Home you will not have wasted your time in doing so. 

Josh Davis as Javert:

I loved this harsher toned Javert. As the story goes on, his voice ages and he actually sounds tired when he catches Valjean for the last time. We forget that while we see Valjean’s plight, Javert is also being worn down by the cat-and-mouse chase. I heard criticism from the lady in front of me that this Javert was too robotic. Yes, I agree Davis had a slight William Shatner effect to his words, but I do not think this was a mistake. Javert is very much a man who thinks in order to survive in this world one must do X, Y and Z, never deviate from that and be stoic. His baritone vocals were everything to me, it was a clear contrast between and Valjean’s lighter almost tenor voice.

Javert’s suicide was done beautifully. I dare not spoil how that bit was done but it was well executed!

Joshua Grosso as Marius: 

YES YES YES! You know that part in Les Mis where Hugo writes that Valjean sees Marius as a noddle?

Well, Grosso totally hit that nail on the head. I love how he feels like a real guy in his twenties when he is at the meeting with the other members of Les Amis. He also throws rocks at Cosette’s window... which is so cute. When Cosette leaves her balcony to go down and see him, poor Marius think it means she rejected him and my heart just broke! Marius can be played real foppish and as if he owns the world but this Marius was simply a young man caught up in love.

But, his chemistry with Eponine is to die for! Every Marius I have seen brushes off Eponine and treats her like she isn’t even really a friend. But this Marius and Eponine felt like they had been friends for ages. MUCH LOVE!

Jillian Butler as Cosette: 

I adored this Cosette. If there is one gripe I have about Les Mis the musical as a whole is how little we see of adult Cosette. She is a trauma victim who still sees light and love in the word. Butler as Cosette made the character feel again like a real person. She is scared of Marius when he is throwing rocks at her window. She held on tightly to Valjean when they were giving food to the poor. During the reprise of Heart Full of Love, I have no words to properly explain but she looked and touched Marius in a knowing sort of way. She seemed to be expressing that she had darkness in her past as well and that the grief will pass. I don’t know, this felt like a real character growth moment.

Mary Kate Moore as Fantine: As Mod Fantine, y'all must be wondering what I thought of this Fantine. While this was not my favorite Fantine, I must commend her for playing her much more raw and angry than usual. When the other factory women are accusing her and tormenting her, she fights back. Her I Dreamed a Dream was so raw and angry, it made Fantine less of a tragic waif but more of a tragic fighter. She really tried to survive but in the end, the word is not fair.

Various other thoughts in no particular order:

The caller. You know that bit where the offstage caller goes YOU HAVE NO CHANCE, NO CHANCE AT ALL? This guy really emphasized the part YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS and I was like ‘same bro’.

Bishop Myriel’s overly long note in ‘I have bought your soul for God’. God was more like Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

Gavroche flipping Javert off after Javert says “EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS, CLEAR THIS GARBAGE OFF THE STREETS!” 

Marius accidentally getting caught in the gate when he tries to see Cosette for the first time. Like he is up there singing and then he has to get down and his coat gets caught. Eponine comes over and saves him and Marius looks a little embarrassed but then goes on singing. A+ on that improv!

Valjean singing with Cosette after he helps her with her bucket. I know a lot of productions do this but this Valjean was sort of hesitant like he’s never sung before but then gets used to it and is enjoying it.

Valjean holding Cosette in the air and spinning. Snow falling in the background really made this once cold environment much warmer ironically.

Any and all slapstick from the Thenardiers. 

Valjean pushing Eponine away from his door when she is delivering Marius’s letter. Like, we know that it is Eponine but to him, it is just some rando at the door.

My dad leaning over and asking who the person in the chair dying was. Because Cartell sang the ending song much higher than is traditional and my dad low-key thinking Cosette was dying and panicking.

Marius accidentally coughing in the sewers. The poor guy is pretending to be dead and there is a crap-ton of fog everywhere. Not to mention that this is Denver, Mile High, notoriously high altitude, Colorado. The poor guy had a coughing fit but Thenardier was moving so much you couldn’t really see it. But heart goes out to you! My asthmatic lungs couldn’t do it.

Sidenote: Thenardier playing with Marius’s ‘dead’ body.

The guy who harasses Fantine in lovely ladies and then acts innocent around Javert.... well his actor was also playing a lawyer in the court when Valjean bursts in with his confession. Not a criticism but I just remember thinking Ah so this is your day job, eh?

Valjean hobbling to the table to light his candlesticks before sitting in his chair to die. This was perfect. It made it clear that Valjean was dying because of loss of hope and love, not from disease. Valjean is strong but what changes him throughout the show is kindness and love and when he has lost that, he withers. BUT MY EYES WERE FULL OF TEARS, I JUST WANTED TO HELP HIM!

Enjolras’s body being shown in a cart that pulls into the scene and Javert having Gavroche’s body thrown into the cart as well.

DID I MENTION THE ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GRANTAIRE AND GAVROCHE? MUST PROTECT BOTH AT ALL COSTS!!!!!!

Marius standing farther away from Cosette and Valjean at the end. He knows that this is not really his moment but is there supporting Cosette.

Random old guy who stops Fantine from being harassed at the factory. YES YES YES it shows that while times are rough, there is always kindness somewhere. It really elevates the hope in the show. Like dude, you deserve everything good.  You are the ally everyone needs. It shows that anyone can be a saint and Valjean isn’t the exception.

That bit in the book where Valjean steals the coin from Petit Gervais. I did not know that they added that into the show and I loved it.

Due to the lighting being so dark, one of the main methods of lighting the scene was torches. Now sometimes this felt nice like when the whole town seemingly finds Valjean and returns him to the bishop. It really set the tone of the whole world being against Valjean. But sometimes it set this weird tone of all this happening at midnight.

Top marks to the person waving the big red flag! You go! I aspire to that level of energy in everything I do.

This Grantaire was SUPER nihilistic and I am here for it! Like when he teases Marius for his new love, it almost seemed like ‘enjoy it now because in the end we are all doomed to the abyss from whence we came!’ and then would go back to make sexual jokes and stealing everyone’s drinks. (Some people will disagree but I saw an u/s so his interpretation was perhaps VERY different than what you saw)

This Enjolras was super obsessed with this revolution. People always ship Grantaire and him and here there were 0 shippable moments. When Enjolras says “Grantaire put that bottle down!” he sounded kinda angry. “BRO CUT IT OUT! MY ONLY LOVE IS FREEDOM, QUIT USING THAT BOTTLE AS A PHALLIC SYMBOL OR I WILL PERSONALLY COME OVER THERE AND TAKE IT FROM YOU!” (again I saw an u/s which may account for the difference in performance).

EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY FRICKIN TABLES!!!!!!!!!!!!! That scene got me so hard! When the women are singing Turning, they leave candles on the ground and Marius hobbles in. Then the ghosts of his friends pick the candles up and carrying them off. Enjolras is the last to leave and he shares a long look with Marius as if to say it’s all on you, buddy. Marius grabs his candles and holds it like a glass and raises it to the Heavens, then the spotlight goes out and all we see is the candle before he blows it out. POWERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All in all, I would describe this tour and version to be the most realistic and human. If you read closely I used words like human and flawed. This version made it clear while there may not be any saints, there are saint-like people and we should all try out best to be our best selves. This has become my favorite production. This version felt fresh and as if this could be anyone’s story. This isn't just some 19th-century French story but a story for the modern person. It speaks to the idea that times can be hard but in the end, if we show kindness, we can all get through this life a little easier.  I first saw this show in 4th grade and now a uni student I can see why this show made such an impression upon my 9-year-old self. This is truly a story that transcends time and I am so honored to have seen it again. 

If you saw it what did you think? Do you agree or disagree with anything I said and if so why? 

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: The Big Empty (13x04)

This season is kicking serious ass. I love it so much I cannot even tell you. Let's just dive right in!

Cons:

My complaints are really minor. There's a moment at the end when Jack steps in and saves the day, but the special effects looked pretty goofy. They did this sort of subwoofer sound effect and slow-mo and his eyes glowed gold and it was just kind of hokey.

Pros:

That's literally my only complaint. I sat there for a second trying to come up with something else I disliked, and I couldn't.

The main story involves Sam, Dean, and Jack hunting down a shifter who is disguising himself as lost loved ones before killing his victims. They think they've found the culprit, a therapist named Mia, but she proves her innocence. She is a shifter, but she uses her powers to give her patients a chance for closure. Turns out, it's her terrible, abusive ex-boyfriend, Buddy, who is also a shifter and who is trying to take away her happiness. The shifter gets the best of Mia, Dean, and Jack while Sam is away following up on a lead. It looks like Sam is going to get shot when he walks in the door, as Buddy has the whole situation rigged, but Jack manages to access his powers in time to save the day.

First of all, I like that the plot was simple and straightforward. We didn't need five different twists, we didn't need too many detours. Dead people are killing living folks. Ghost? No. That's ruled out. Shifter? Yes. The first shifter they find? No. I was almost waiting for yet another double cross, and was pleasantly surprised when it never arrived.

And speaking of, I really liked Mia! The moment when Sam realizes she's a shifter, and comes bursting into the room with a gun, was the perfect subversion of expectations. Sam and Dean both hold a gun on her, but she explains her innocence and the boys actually let her explain herself. They've certainly come a long way from shooting monsters on sight! And I loved the parallels that this created with Jack. Mia has learned to believe that being a "monster" isn't everything. It's not what you are - it's what you do with that. I was really pleased that while the disgusting, abusive Buddy got the ax, Mia lives to fight another day.

Jack is... just adorable and precious in all ways and I want to adopt him? I love that Sam and Dean are taking on pseudo-parenting roles with him, albeit very unwillingly in Dean's case. Sam accuses him of being like their father was, and Dean shoots back defensively, wondering if there's a problem with that. Both Sam and Mia point out to Dean that Jack is clearly scared of him, and just wants his approval. There's such a sad echo of Dean's own desperate seeking of approval with his father. It seems pretty clear that Dean can't look at Jack without being reminded of what he's lost, but by the end of the episode he throws the kid some praise, telling him he did a good job when saving Sam and Dean's life. This is such an utterly fascinating dynamic and I can't wait to see where it goes from here.

One of the highlights of the episode is Jack and Mia's private moment, where Mia shifts into the shape of Kelly, to give Jack the chance to talk to her and hold her and feel as if he's with his mother for the first time. This was just so emotional in every way shape and form, and the acting was spot-on.

Then you've got the Sam and Dean dynamic going on. The two of them, along with Jack posing as their little brother, go to therapy with Mia to try and figure out what's going on with the deaths in town. It's meant to be just for show, but Dean lets his resentment out into the session when he accuses Sam of being delusional for not admitting that Mary is dead. Sam lets out with one of the key reasons behind his grief - Dean was the one who had the relationship with Mary. Dean's the one who remembers her from when they were little, and Dean's the one she connected with upon her return. How is Sam supposed to accept that he's lost the chance to have a real relationship with his mother? He storms out of the room.

Now, in any other episode of Supernatural, Sam and Dean might have a fix-it conversation at the end and things would get a little better, but in this one, the outburst literally happens in front of a therapist, who calls Dean out in no uncertain terms: "you just made your brother so upset that he had to leave the room." In the end, we do get that fix-it conversation, and it's even more heartbreaking that you'd imagine. Dean apologizes for being a dick, and then Sam reveals an awful fear - what if Dean is right, and Mary really is dead, and he's just been in denial? Dean says he doesn't want to hear that - "I need you to keep the faith for both of us, because right now I don't believe in a damn thing." Dean admitting that he's hit rock bottom and he's willing to accept help from Sam is just such a critical turning point for their character arcs this season. I'm all about it.

This episode's title is "The Big Empty," which of course refers to the subplot with Cas that I'll be talking about next... but it also refers to the theme of grief that's prevalent through the episode. It's notable that nobody in the main plot ever mentions Cas' name. On the surface, the grief in this particular story is centered on the loss of mothers - Jack grieves for Kelly and Sam and Dean grieve for Mary. Jack learns that Sam wants him to help save Mary, and he's all on board for the plan, while of course Dean doesn't believe it's possible. We get all of these conversations and moments to talk about grief and the emptiness and lack of faith that comes with it, and meanwhile the specter (not literally in this case) of Castiel is hovering over the entire episode. We know he's not really gone, but on earth he's just left an emptiness.

Okay. Misha Collins. You're amazing, dude. This week, he gets to pull out yet another character, playing The Empty as a manifestation of the nothingness that came before the creation of everything. It's just a black nothingness, infinite and older than time itself. I love the idea of a place where eternal sleep is really a thing. It's not Heaven, but it's not Hell. You're just... done. And the manifestation of the Empty is eternally asleep as well, that is until Cas wakes up (thanks to Jack's powers) and starts disturbing his beauty rest. Cue a series of scenes where the Empty tries to get Cas to just give up and go back to sleep, and Cas stubbornly refuses to do so. In the end, we see Cas wake up, apparently back on Earth.

The Empty had this weird accent and this sort of jittery sense about him that reminded me a little bit of Crazy God Cas or Casifer, but not enough that it was just a copy of either of those things. Misha did a great job of creating a properly sinister yet still undeniably charming entity in the brief time we had with the Empty. The character creation was also good from a writing standpoint. It makes sense why this guy wouldn't be a mover and a shaker in inter-dimensional politics or power struggles. He's made of nothing and he'd just like to be nothing for the rest of time. Cas being awake is messing with that for him.

You've also got the fact that Cas' first guess when asked why he's awake is that the Winchesters must have made a deal to save him. He's not sure what's up, but the minute he has awareness of himself, all he wants is to go back, because Sam and Dean need him. The Empty tries to get through to him with self-loathing, telling him he's a worthless burden, that there's nothing waiting for him back on Earth... he says some stuff about knowing Cas' inner soul, and mentions knowing "who you love," which my shipper heart reacted to quite violently. Jury's still out on that one, though - it's possible the Empty was talking about Kelly. Or, I don't know, "humanity" or some crap like that. Regardless, the most incredible thing about all of this is that it doesn't work. Cas does not waiver in his desire to escape from the Empty, because he knows that his family wants him to come back. This is such a big step for Cas, who just a few seasons ago was allowing Lucifer to possess him because he didn't think he was worthy of helping out in his own right.

I've seen some rumblings in the interweb worrying that the figure we saw at the episode's end was the Empty, and not Castiel. I definitely see the worry, but I'm really hoping, for the sake of selfish desires and narrative building, that this is Cas, truly back from the dead. They created such a cool concept for the Empty, a creature of nothingness that just wants to sleep. It would be weird if that creature popped into the mortal realm for no good reason. And also, we've got the scene transition, where Dean tells Sam that he doesn't believe in a damn thing, and then literally the next shot is Cas appearing back in our world, pretty much ordained with the sole purpose of restoring Dean Winchester's faith. I am just all about that.

So... there you have it. This was an excellent episode. I'm enormously pleased that Jack seems to be sticking around as a more permanent figure in the season instead of jumping in and out of the story like so many cast members have in the past. I can't wait for Cas' return and all the epic reunions!

9.5/10

[inklingleesquidly]

THE WISDOM OF LEE SQUIDLY

CHAPTER 2

Lee Squidly has been called into  action. Callie has gone missing and according to Marie he’s her only hope in finding her. There is a lot more going on in Octo Canyon than Lee truly knows but Is he up to the task when he is uncertain of even his own feelings?

A new journey of discovery awaits our hero as he comes to realize what the true meaning of the relationship between the Squid Sisters is, and what they mean to others..

Featuring a special appearance by a squid of @myzzy

Chapter 1 can be found here

       “AHH AHHH AHHHH,” Lee screamed; arms wildly flailing as he ran for his life.

       “Faster Master Lee, they are gaining on us,” Mooky pleaded as he watched a squadron of Octotroopers and Octocopters chase and fire upon them.

       Lee yelped, “I’m trying, I’m trying,” only for a bullet of ink to whiz past his cheek.  “Gyah,” he shrieked. Looking back he begged, “Please stop shooting at me; I’m no threat to you!”

His pleas fell on deaf ears as the Octarians continued their hot pursuit.

“Git it, git that squid!”

“Imma blow a hole clean through ‘im!”

“First one to bring ‘im down gets to chow down on the tender parts!”

Hearing that made Lee emit a shrill cry and pick up the pace, running with everything he had. He didn’t fire back at them. The thought didn’t even come to him; using his .96 Gal Buster for anything other than to ink and maintain his escape route. In a stressful situation like this If he ran out of ink there was no chance he would be able to make more. They chased him all the way to the edge of one of the many platforms perpetually suspended above the canyon. They were getting closer and closer, their ink was just barely touching his heels so he had to act! Without a moment to spare Lee reared back and gave a mighty leap, careening into the abyss below.

The Octarians couldn’t believe their eyes.

“Sweet Cod above that squid is crazy!”

“He ain’t-a coming back from that I tell ya.”

“I’m the one who got a hit on ‘im, ah’m callin’ it!”

They made their way to the boundary only to let out simultaneously gasps at what they saw. The Inkling was gently gliding through the air thanks to a whirling propeller attached to the head of the robot strapped to his back.  They watched with complete disbelief as the child safely descended to another platform and took off running again.

The only Twintacle Octotrooper of the group aggressively bopped the closest Octotrooper on the head and jumped, trying to swing at the Octocopter hovering overhead.  “You dang ‘ole idgits, you’re letting him get away. Follow ‘em, you heard our orders, splat any squid you see!”

Lee ran and ran and ran even with nobody chasing him until he arrived at some sort of road block. A high uninkable wall impeded his path but it proved to be the least of his worries as he exhaustedly collapsed against it. Detaching himself from Lee’s back, Mooky stood in front of him, thrashing his arms in worry. “Master Lee, you must stop for at least 3 minutes time! You are reaching a point of damaging exhaustion and the stress is putting strain on your heart and ink gland.” Though it was his job, Lee didn’t need to be reminded of that as he clutched his chest, gasping for breath with sweat dripping down his forehead.

They hadn’t even that moment to rest as the Octarian platoon from before was upon them again. Between their sadistic chuckles and muttering taunts, Lee heard, “Got’cha right where we wan’ ‘cha liddle squiddy!”

A want to keep running was overridden by heavy pain radiating through every muscle in Lee’s body. Unable to stand or even move he found himself beginning to quake with panic. Desperate to help his immobile master, Mooky quickly stepped between him and the incoming octopods. “Master Lee, turn into a squid, stay as low as you can so I can protect you, they cannot splat me,” he declared; his stance wide and arms spread apart.

“Mooky…,” Lee breathlessly whispered in awe of the bot’s bravado.

Just as the octopods were within range a group of four metal disks were flung between them and Mooky. For the briefest moment what they were was a mystery until they all released a shrill beeping noise, then exploded in simultaneous unison. A thick swath of ink cut between them. In surprise, the Octotroopers and Octocopters scattered as more of the round explosives were hurled closer toward them.

Lee watched as ink was flung everywhere by the successive explosions. Over the shouts and shooting of the Octarian’s ink weapons along with the continued booms he saw a mysterious figure drop in from above. Lee could only catch sight of them from behind; a cloak dazzling like the stars in the sky as they moved fast. They scooped up Mooky in one arm, swiveled around to snatch Lee in his squid form, then super jumped clean away from the danger.

 The events that transpired all seemed to happen in the blink of an eye but Lee and Mooky were finally someplace safe. It was now that Lee was finally able to size up his savior. “Boy you’re lucky I saw you running,” he proclaimed, holding out his hand to help the younger squid up to his feet. “It’s been a long time, great to see you Leemeister!”

That unmistakable visor, that starry cloak, the sheathed sword at his hip, “Mr. Blueshift,” Lee nearly screamed as he shot up to his feet. He threw his arms around the pink Inkling’s waist, embracing him with intense joy. Not only had he been rescued by a local super hero he was such a fan of but also a fellow founding member of the Justice Society of Inkopolis.

“Hak hak,” Blueshift let out a light laugh. Patting Lee on the shoulders, he said, “Yeah, it really is great to see you but I told you a hundred times, don’t call me ‘mister’.”

Mooky raised his arms with a joyful smile, “Thank you for coming to our rescue, Mister Blueshift, we would certainly be finished if not for you.”

The hero clicked his tongue at being called ‘mister’ again, “Tsk, man,” he sighed at failing to convince them.

Suddenly, Lee realized something extremely pertinent. Backing off, he divulged, “Ohh, Mr. Blu—I mean Blueshift, you’re one of the people Marie told me I was supposed to meet.”

If Lee could see his eyes behind that visor, he would’ve seen Blueshift do a double take. “Wait, she roped you into this,” he gasped then sighed, “Marie, what are you doing?”

He didn’t understand what he meant but the optimistic teen squeezed his fists, hopefully asking, “So tell me, have you found anything about Callie?”

Regrettably, he did not, “Sorry Leemeister; I’ve been up and down Tentakeel Outpost and more and I haven’t seen or heard anything.” Slumping forward with a glum stare, Lee didn’t realistically expect to get a lot of information from the get-go but it was still a disappointment to learn Blueshift had nothing for him. What he had to say next was mildly troubling, “Say, did you come here by yourself?”

Mooky answered, “Master Lee did not, Mister Blueshift, I am his accompaniment.”

“That’s perfect, he couldn’t ask for better back-up,” Blueshift nodded, “But I mean, did you come with anybody else?”

“No—it’s just us,” Lee muttered with a confused shake of his head.

Blueshift hummed in his throat, “Hmm, I didn’t think she’d call anybody here unless they were in a squad—HUP!” Just as he uttered those words, he sucked in his breath and bit his teeth.

That piqued his curiosity in a big way, Lee honed in on those words, “Wait, h-hold on, what did you say?”

“Nothing,” Blue shot back, “Nothing at all,” he then chuckled and smiled, speaking in a funny voice, “Hak, uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you, how are you?”

Lee knew he was trying to distract him with a line from SeaStar Wars and normally he would follow-up with the next line in the movie’s script but not now. He narrowed his eyes at Blueshift and incredulously curled his lip. Though Lee was quiet, Mooky indicated, “Mister Blueshift my sensors indicate your pulse is quickening and your speech patterns are irregular.” His observations were cornering the hero, “That is the behavior of someone who is dishonest or is withholding information.”

“Blue, is there something going on? Are there other squids here besides me?” The look he gave the worried super hero was one he rarely had. He was serious, unwaveringly so, there was no way he was going to drop this subject even if Blueshift wanted him to.

He held his hand over his face, murmuring, “No.”

Lee quizzed, “How many others are there?”

Blueshift didn’t have to divulge this information, he really didn’t, it wasn’t essential to either of their missions, but he couldn’t force himself to be dishonest with Lee. “Last I checked—something like 100.”

“100?!” Both Lee and Mooky repeated.

Lee slapped his palm against his forehead and he spluttered, “I ju—I—I can’t believe it.” He tried to imagine so many others running around the canyon. At least he had one hope to hold onto, “How did she manage to get that many agents to come down here?”

Blueshift didn’t answer his question.

“They are agents—right,” he hesitated to restate his question.

This information didn’t need to be divulged either, a part of Blueshift knew this would cause trouble and grief. “No,” he wasn’t going to lie. “No they’re not,” he wasn’t going to say a half-truth to him. “They’re not agents,” He knew Lee deserved to know. “They’re civilians.”

There was no way he actually said that, Lee didn’t want to believe he was hearing what he was hearing. He had to confirm, “How can that be, I mean, the Agency’s gotta be here. What would they say about civilians in Octo Canyon?”

Blueshift answered, “They’re not here,” and then he revealed, “And the others and I that are here, they don’t know about either. We came at Marie’s request and—Lee, what’s wrong?”

There was something apparent in Lee that was rarely seen, if ever at all. His breathing grew loud and hoarse, filtered through his bared fangs, his fists shook as they clenched tighter and tighter, and his left eye twitched as his lip curled upward.

Mooky timidly tapped his shoulder and said, “Master Lee; your heart rate is increasing and your body temperature is increasing, you are becoming angry.” He feared for his master’s wellbeing so he pleaded, “Please calm yourself; you do not want to do anything irrational.”

“Mooky, step off,” Lee growled, commanding his robot to detach from his back.

The uncertain machine slinked over to Blueshift who was equally as bewildered, he said, “Now this is something coming from me but please think about this, you don’t want to--.”

“—MARIE, PICK UP THE RADIO,” he interrupted with the loudest, most blaring voice a small boy like him could possibly muster.

There was a pop and a crackle before a rather irritated voice replied over the channel, “Ahh geez, I’m right here Lee, what’s your problem?”

“WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?” He screamed despite her dry, annoyed tone.

There was a pause after his question before she replied, “I’m thinking you sound like a really bad sound check.”

Grinding his teeth at her dismally disinterested demeanor, he sneered, “What’s this I hear about you bringing civilians down here?!”

There was a beep, indicating she was going to speak but nothing could be heard. Marie finally said, “Who told you that? Did Blueshift tell you that?”

Lee shifted the question, “That’s not the problem here, Marie! How could you? How could you?” His voice shook and it cracked from his anger, “We don’t know what’s going on here, you’re putting tons of people in danger, you know?” Questions and possibilities swirled like a chaotic cyclone in his mind. “What have you told them? Did you get kids or something? What kind of squids did you call down here? Did you use your fame to get them to do what you want? How many of them are just here to hurt Octarians?”

Finally, she couldn’t take anymore so she said, “Ucck, all right, all right, enough already, what’s with you and the third degree?” She didn’t hesitate at all in her response, “Listen I’m doing what I have to do, okay, I mean, wouldn’t you do the same, what if the same thing happened with your mom?”

Lee’s breath got caught in his throat, and his heart clenched inside his chest. He replied with low, hateful scorn, “Don’t you dare bring up my mom in this.” Both Blueshift and Mooky stepped back from the scene; an unheard of but positively uncanny fire of revulsion burned in Lee right before their eyes. After that nothing was said between them for a time that felt like an eternity until Lee finally said, “Listen Marie. When this is over I don’t want to talk to you, ever again.”

“Fine Lee, fine,” that proposition didn’t seem to bother her in the least, “It’s no skin off my nose what you do. Just go find Callie, the sooner, the better.”

She may have been finished with the conversation but Lee certainly wasn’t. He threw his hands down and kicked at the dirt, “I DON’T BELIEVE HER,” he screamed.

Blueshift let out a groan, “Me and my yap,” he murmured as he clasped his forehead with his hand in regret of his own actions.

He felt metal at his leg; Mooky silently placed one of his clamps on him in a display of assurance as he focused on Lee. Wanting to calm his enraged owner, Mooky said, “Master Lee, I know you are upset with Miss Marie’s choice of actions but you must be reasonable.”

“Reh-ruh-bruh-REASONABLE?” Lee repeated with a noticeable stutter. “How can you both be so calm when she’s putting the live of tons of people at stake?”

Mooky implored, “Master Lee, please, we are unaware of what her reasoning could be.”

“Yeah Leemeister, cut her a break,” Blueshift finally interjected, “She’s not thinking right, she been way more stressed out about this than you can imagine. She hasn’t been able to sleep, or eat, or just—anything.”

“That’s no excuse,” Lee shot back, swinging his scrunched fist.

Blueshift tried to explain, “Listen, she tried to do this by the book at first. She went to the Agency right away but they wanted to wait like, a week before they started any search. She didn’t really take too kind to them wanting to get the Great Zapfish back first either.” He wasn’t sure if he was getting through to Lee so he continued, “Just trust me on this all right; she knows the risk involved with what she’s doing. She could go to jail for taking matters into her own hands like this, we all could, we could lose our jobs as Agents.”

If Lee wasn’t so provoked by Marie’s choices as it was, maybe he could’ve understood her reasoning after hearing that. However, hearing the livelihoods of Blueshift and the other informants was in jeopardy, it only made him angrier. “That only makes it worse,” he said. “This is not the way Callie would’ve wanted it,” he was sure of it, as sure as he’s ever been of anything in his life.

Blueshift conceded, “Maybe not, but it’s a risk Marie’s willing to take,  and I just want you to know that I know she’s been nothing but honest and upfront with everyone she’s recruited for this.”

All Lee could do was look away, he couldn’t look Blueshift in the eye as he muttered, “That still doesn’t make this right.” He was unrelenting in his belief, and how he thought Callie would agree that putting others in jeopardy for her sake is not what she would want. With that he wandered past Blueshift, keeping focused on his own partner as he declared, “Come on Mooky, we’re not getting anywhere here so we should just keep going.”

That solemn, distressed look on Lee’s face made it painfully clear to both Blueshift and Mooky that there would be no changing Lee’s mind on the subject. Mooky forfeited, “Yes Master Lee,” and hopped onto Lee’s back, ready to leave.

Though the teen was quiet, Blueshift called out, “I’ll keep you posted if I find anything, I promise.” He still had his mission, he needed to inform Lee whatever he could, but he had one last major thought to share. “If there’s one more thing you should know-- nobody is taking Callie’s disappearance harder than Marie is.”

Lee stopped his stride for a moment. Blueshift and Mooky wondered what he was thinking about, maybe he actually did get through to him? They didn’t, he just kept walking without a word, much to the heartbroken dismay of Blueshift, “You’ve changed Leemeister, this isn’t like you at all.”

Those words really stuck in Lee’s mind but thinking of Marie only made him feel angrier. I promise Callie… no matter what Marie does; I’ll do whatever it takes to find you.

[saferincages]

gAme over: in my end is my beginning

I can’t stop thinking about that ridiculous, unsatisfying finale, and how spectacular it COULD have been had they simply planned it well in advance and timed it properly. There are so many plot holes/plot threads/red herrings/unanswered questions that I cannot even begin to address them all, and I dreamed this up fairly quickly, so I apologize that it is a very rough draft and doesn’t resolve certain things completely, but it’s a sketched out version of the way I imagine this plot being able to actually work on some level:

Alex Drake is an unhappy and unstable child, abandoned by her adoptive parents and left to fend for herself at a young age, and when she is a teenager, she decides to find out the truth about her birth parents. She steals or hacks her adoption records, discovers their names and the place of her birth, and sets out for Rosewood, PA. When she arrives, she discovers that she has both an older sister, Cece Drake, and a twin sister, Spencer Hastings. Cece has recently been released from Radley (for whatever backstory reason you want to give her, because anything would be better reasoning than her canonical reveal), and is living independently, so Alex approaches her first, assuming (correctly) that she will have less of a chance of being rejected by another lost sibling than by the parents of her twin. Though Alex is of course immediately drawn to Spencer, Cece tells her horrible things about the Hastings, along with the fact that Spencer has no idea she was adopted, and so, instead of immediately introducing herself to Spencer, she hangs back to see what her life is like. 

She discovers that Spencer is close friends with a girl who is (as far as she can see) an awful bully, so she decides that the best way to immediately ingratiate herself to her twin and her twin’s friends is to remove this bully from their lives. “That Night,” she witnesses the girls’ sleepover in the barn, realizes Ali has drugged them, and takes the opportunity. She attacks Ali, hitting her over the head, meaning to frighten but not kill her - but, of course, she doesn’t know the girls all that well yet, and recognizing Ali from behind in the dark and the utter chaos of the night proves difficult. The girl she actually hit was Sara Harvey, who was simply passing through Rosewood - Melissa (also mistakenly thinking Sara was Ali), witnesses this attack and thinks she’s seeing Spencer, who is struggling with substance abuse and the mood swings and memory lapses which accompany it, murder Ali. Horrified, she approaches the body in a panic, but she sees her face, and knows it isn’t Alison. She rushes up to Ali’s room, where Ian is still waiting, and Ian (because of the NAT Club, or because Ali told him at Hilton Head, choose whichever makes more sense) has discovered that Ali has been planning to disappear, and tells Melissa she’s already gone. Ali left behind both her yellow top and her name bracelet. Melissa and Ian dress the body of the anonymous girl in Ali’s clothing, and bury her in the backyard, assuming that, should anyone find her, they will initially believe it’s Alison, and it will force her to stay away (both of them want her out of town, let’s say they’re the ones who replace her dental records and such, too), but Melissa is also attempting to cover it up to protect her sister (she does not tell Ian she witnessed the murder, and Ian assumes it’s Melissa herself who killed her, thinking she was Alison).

Alex flees back to Cece, but says nothing about what she’s done. Ali is reported missing, and Cece is wracked with grief and anger, and she tells Alex a piece of their story she’d withheld before - their connection to the DiLaurentis family. Ali is both their cousin and Cece’s good friend, as Cece spent the summer getting to know her, as an initial attempt to reforge a connection to her family. Alex, having no idea that the attack she planned was against her own cousin, cannot confess what she did, for fear of Cece’s wrath, and not wanting the only family she’s ever known to reject her and throw her out. 

The girls are traumatized, and Aria’s family leaves for Iceland - all also throwing a wrench in Alex’s plan to reveal herself as their defender and become part of the group. A year passes, Aria returns, the girls begin to reforge their friendship, and Mona is -A. During this time, Cece and Alex watch and wait, for different reasons - Cece becomes more and more convinced that the girls are guilty of harming Ali that night, and wants to punish them; Alex becomes more and more obsessed with their lives, their friendship, and how “good” they seemingly have it. When Mona is admitted into Radley, Cece (knowing the place all too well due to her time there), steals the game, with Alex as her helper - disguised as Redcoat and Black Veil (Alex has to either wear the Ali mask and blond wig, or a veil over her face, because, of course, no one can know she looks exactly like Spencer). Cece’s intent is finding out what happened to Ali, but Alex has ulterior motives - she’s decided to take Spencer’s place. Cece has already begun to build the Dollhouse, thinking that kidnapping the girls will push them to tell the truth about what happened to Ali, and she and Alex devise the plan of the night in the woods with the body they fake as Toby’s, pushing Spencer to the breaking point. The plan is to put Alex in Spencer’s place while she’s in Radley, as the first step to luring and eventually abducting the rest of the girls, but a sudden twist occurs - while Spencer is in the hospital, Ali sneaks in to visit her, and Cece discovers that she’s alive. 

Cece’s intentions shift, as she now wants to bring Ali home, and Alex becomes a liability. Unbeknownst to Alex, during this time, Cece has tracked down their birth mother, Mary, and Cece convinces Mary to take Alex back to London. Alex is infuriated to be taken out of the game, but goes with her mother because she wants the chance to know her. In London, she realizes Melissa (who, of course, is also her sister) has moved there, too, and she can’t give up her interest in her family or her propensity for stalking, so she watches her, and sees her with her charming British fiancee, Wren. She becomes infatuated, and eventually approaches him, as Spencer, which is the first time she’s able to test whether or not someone will believe her in her twin’s place. She convinces him not to tell anyone that she’s there, and his feelings for Spencer override logic, so he keeps quiet. By the time she finally admits her true identity (which she is forced to do when Spencer comes to London to visit Oxford), he is already in love with her, and promises to keep her secret.

Ezra has also been spying on the girls, for his ~book~ (I hate this, but want to try and keep this as close to the convoluted canon as possible, so), and Cece approaches him, saying she has additional information that could help him finish writing it, but what she really wants is to take advantage of his knowledge and clues to discover Ali’s whereabouts, which they do, when they find her in Ravenswood. All of those events can remain in place (it’s been a long time since I saw those seasons, so forgive me for being fuzzy on the details?), but the girls can still find Ali in NYC and bring her home, and of course, Mona still wouldn’t want that, leading to her “death” as Cece takes her to the Dollhouse so that she won’t expose everything Cece has done or tell the girls all that she knows.

S5, the Dollhouse, and the events subsequent to it can also essentially stay the same - Cece tells the girls a twisted version of the truth (passing herself off as Ali’s long lost older sister, not Spencer’s, to protect both Alex and Mary’s identities), and is admitted to Welby. Alex stays in London with Wren, because she’s content for the time being simply to have someone who loves her. He tries his best to help her with her delusions, her obsessions, and her rage, and she tries to give up her thoughts of Rosewood. Mary, assured of her youngest daughter’s safety, returns to Pennsylvania to keep an eye on Cece’s care, and to confront her sister and Peter for the mess they’ve made (thus, the details with Jessica’s murder also remain, but would happen a bit later in the narrative).

Five years pass, and Cece’s release is imminent, and Alex begins to become interested in returning to Rosewood and revealing herself, though Wren has qualms about it. But then, Cece is murdered. (idc about Archer, but he could feasibly still be a part of the plot, although I’d prefer him not to dupe Ali into marrying him). At this point, Alex would’ve known her older sister for something like seven years (even if she wasn’t physically with her the entire time, their bond is strong, it’s easy to assume they’d have stayed in contact even while Cece was in Welby), and she snaps - just as Cece assumed the girls must have done something to Ali on the night that started everything, Alex now assumes they must have killed her beloved sister. She wants revenge, and in her sister’s honor, she continues the game, plotting all the girls’ downfall, and determined to finally take her rightful place in the town from whence she same. 

We, the audience, know of Alex’s existence from at LEAST Cece’s reveal, if not sooner, and thus the suspense of when she reveals herself to the girls builds continually, plus there could be a lot more scenes of possibly not knowing whether we’re watching the real Spencer or not, along with being able to witness scenes of Alex clearly being creepy in the background and planning her torture for the girls. 

They are all targeted and taunted, but they all also actively work together to figure out who this person is, and end it once and for all. They are real participants, not sidelined and irrelevant in their final episode. A lot of S7 (especially 7B) would need to be polished and reworked, but it could have been done, and everything would still wrap back to That Night, and Alex would’ve been someone who had, indeed, been hiding in plain sight for years, rather than being a coincidental encounter in a London bar. Where Cece hated the girls and viewed them as her objects, her dolls to manipulate, Alex has developed a twisted love for them (limerence, perhaps?), she wants them to know how smart she is, how long she’s watched them and shadowed their lives, how much she deserves (in her mind) to be loved and accepted by them (this sort of retreads Mona’s motive, but then...so does everything else...but I think it might have led to the girls actually realizing that perhaps they ought to have let Mona in a bit more? idk), and if they won’t let her in for who she is, then she’ll have to take her twin’s place. Liars’ Lament has some sort of real purpose, the puzzle makes an actual picture (imagine if it was Spencer’s face, and for a moment the other four girls think Spencer is AD and spend at least an episode terrified and suspecting her, before they begin to piece together that the person who has been with them for a while...wasn’t Spencer at all). Alex uses the blueprint her sister established, intending to house Spencer underground, and there’s another cell for whomever murdered Cece, too (so, Spence and Mona would’ve been in there together, rather than Spence and Ezra, although she still could’ve kidnapped Ezra in the finale too, it’s almost irrelevant, as frustrating as that is). Spencer is abducted from the Blind School, and replaced, and Alex is masquerading in her shoes for the entirety of 7B, so the girls have many episodes to observe her odd behavior, spend time with her, and begin to unravel the final mystery, concluding with them solving the mystery and racing to rescue their missing best friend (I also would’ve had Alex die at the end, but ymmv).

You can extrapolate details from there (whether Wren helped her or not, how much Mona/Ezra/Melissa/Jenna/Jason/Ian/Wilden/Garrett/whomever knew, etc etc), but these are the primary issues it could have fixed:

Bethany, since she was ultimately meaningless, never existed, the body was always Sara, and thus Shower Harvey as we knew her isn’t in the story

Alex being Redcoat/Black Veil gives an actual reason for that enigmatic figure’s existence

The fixation on the girls’ appearances pre-Ali’s disappearance (ie: the way they were dressed in the Dollhouse, the way their game pieces were designed) was because Alex had been observing them since that time.

Cece was always a mistreated daughter, eliminating all the problematic “Charles” issues, and...there are just so many unresolved issues with her reveal that would have to be filled in differently that I honestly can’t even begin to chart them, but I know there’s a way to make her reasoning less messy.

Events of That Night, Melissa protecting Spencer (even the flashback with Spencer and the shovel being spattered in blood could’ve been explained, it was Alex), why Spencer was targeted to be broken in such a vicious way in S3 - it would all tie together (I think the lodge fire could be a puzzle piece fit into place here, too, but it’s been so long since I watched those episodes that I don’t trust my memory to make sense of it).

The motives are still a bit muddy and hinge on abandonment and feelings of scorn/loneliness/loss of family (plus mental illness), but at least there’s more clarity than...what they gave us, at least there’s a path that goes back to the start.

This doesn’t resolve things like ezrA (my ultimate favorite theory), or any other truly epic theory that has been written and analyzed in the fanbase over the years; it doesn’t fix myriad plot holes and nonsensical clues (again, a lot of which might have been written and delivered entirely differently had this been planned in a more linear fashion and had Alex been established much sooner), but I’m trying to work with what we were actually given by the writers, to see if there was a way to make it thrilling and compelling, and I’m convinced they could have, had they invested the thought and the time, and it breaks my heart that they didn’t, that they took a show that was exciting and unique and beloved by many, and made such a mess of both its mystery and of its brave, complicated heroines. I still consider their sisterhood and friendship to be important and beautiful and iconic, but the mystery should have been, too.

(Feel free to add to this with clarity and/or details if you wish!)

[eggnogdoubt38-blog]

Reading Recap: August 2018

At the end of every month, I take a look back at my reading journal and share the books and my thoughts on them here. The comments below are excerpts from my full reviews on Goodreads; you can always keep up with my reading in real-time over there.

My Goodreads goal for the year was 71 books, and I hit it this month! So I’ve increased my goal to 91 books—this is the most I’ve ever read in my life, and I’m loving it. After being a guest on the What Should I Read Next? Podcast, I decided to start treating my love of reading as a hobby. Prior to that—for reasons I can’t articulate—I just didn’t see reading that way. It was something I did around the edges of the day, but it wasn’t a primary activity.

Since we moved to Prague, that’s changed. I watch only 1 hour of TV each day—and don’t read that in a snooty voice! I pass no judgment on TV-watching; I love TV-watching. I just like reading more. By the by, we usually work our way through a series, one episode per day until we’re done. Just finished season two of Riverdale, and I love it so much OMG. So campy and over-the-top. LOVE! I cannot wait for season three. Give me more Cheryl!

Anyway… back to reading. I deleted Twitter and my RSS reader from my phone so I don’t get sucked into the vortex. I always have my Kindle in my purse so I can take advantage of unexpected bench-sitting time or a long line. I listen to audiobooks and literary podcasts on my daily walks. And I read every night before bed, sometimes at lunch, and sometimes for 30-60 minutes in the morning, if I wake up before 6:00 a.m.

I am thoroughly enjoying this book nerdiness.

Pachinko byMin Jin Lee | 3 1/2 stars I really wanted to love this book, but for me, it was good, not great—which makes me feel kinda dumb because it received so many prestigious accolades. I respect it, but it didn’t touch my heart. To be fair, I’m beginning to think that sprawling family dramas are not for me. I prefer to be really connected to a smaller cast of characters in an atmospheric setting. There were so many people in this book and the way I thought of them was “the one that owns the pachinko parlor,” “the one that wants to be a scholar”… they never moved past 1-liners into real people for me. (My Goodreads review provides more detail, but also spoilers; proceed with caution.)

This book’s biggest strength—and it’s significant—is the way it brings an unknown-to-me part of history to light. I was only vaguely aware of the events leading up the U.S. Korean War, and it was fascinating—and sobering—to learn about the tensions and discrimination between the Korean and Japanese people.

Favorite highlight: “People are rotten everywhere you go. They’re no good. You want to see a very bad man? Make an ordinary man successful beyond his imagination. Let’s see how good he is when he can do whatever he wants.”

The Strange Case of the Alchemist’s Daughter  by Theodora Goss | 4 stars Just as Pachinko helped me realize multigenerational family sagas aren’t really for me, this book reinforced how much I love stories about found families. Set in Victorian England, this romping adventure includes not one, but FIVE plucky heroines, and I am here for it. If you enjoy the Veronica Speedwell series—A Curious Beginning, A Perilous Undertaking, A Treacherous Curse—then you will probably enjoy this one, too.

I don’t want to give too much away because the surprises are fun, but this story includes Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, the danger of poisoning, literary references, a traveling circus, an insane asylum, potentially evil nuns, and family secrets. What’s not to love?! (I also treated myself to the sequel European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman because it’s described as a “madcap romp” and the action takes place in Paris, Vienna, and Budapest.)

Favorite highlight: “No wonder men did not want women to wear bloomers. What could women accomplish if they did not have to continually mind their skirts, keep them from dragging in the mud or getting trampled on the steps of an omnibus? If they had pockets! With pockets, women could conquer the world!”

I’d Rather Be Reading: The Delights and Dilemmas of the Reading Life by Anne Bogel | 5 stars It’s no secret that I adore Anne Bogel’s podcast What Should I Read Next? so I had high expectations for this collection of essays. On her podcast, Anne is just the kind of person with whom you’d want to discuss books: opinionated but not pushy, insightful, relatable, and quick to laugh—all of that warmth and intelligence and sheer book love comes across in these essays. I read it over the course of a month or so, dipping into the essays between the other novels I was reading to cleanse my palate and to revel in the book nerdiness of reading.

I sometimes have a difficult time talking about my favorite books, or even really sharing how much reading means to me as a human—it feels too personal, makes me vulnerable in a way I’m not really ready for. But reading this book made me realize that there are legions of us out there: People who find friendship, solace, adventure, challenge, grief, joy—the whole gamut of human emotions—in the books that we read. And sometimes, they’re just damn fun.

I’d Rather Be Reading is just like that: lots of feels and damn fun.

Favorite highlight: “Old books, like old friends, are good for the soul. But they’re not just comfort reads. No, a good book is exciting to return to, because even though I’ve been there before, the landscape is always changing.”

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel | 4 stars Food, love, magic, and passion color this luscious family saga set in a Mexican border town around 1019, so the intimate story of the family is played out against the backdrop of the Mexican Revolution. The tale reads like a family legend that’s been passed down through generations, and it centers on the forbidden love of Tita and Pedro. As the youngest daugher, it’s Tita’s fate to forsake love and to care for her dominerring mother Mama Elena until her mother’s death. But Tita and Pedro fall madly in love: When Tita felt Pedro’s gaze on her “she understood exactly how raw dough must feel when it comes into contact with boiling oil.” To be close to Tita, Pedro marries her older sister, and no one’s life remains untouched by this flawed decision.

Tita’s life is spent in the kitchen—both a gift and a curse to her—and her cooking is infused with deep emotion and magic. To Tita, food is life, and each chapter represents a month of the year, opening with a recipe that intertwines with the characters’ lives. Tita’s tears wept into wedding cake batter induce a devastating sense of longing in the guests who take a bite, and a delicate sauce made of rose petals inspires dangerous passions around the dinner table.

As the plot traces Tita and Pedro’s lifelong love, we see its impact on the rest of the family and the village: Tita’s sisters, a kindly doctor, bouncing babies, and Mexican revolutionaries. It’s a delightful—and sad—story of family obligation, the things that feed us, and a passion that could not be extinguished.

Favorite highlight: “When the talk turns to eating, a subject of the greatest importance, only fools and sick men don’t give it the attention it deserves.”

Jamaica Inn by Daphne du Maurier | 3 stars I went into this novel expecting a dark gothic adventure—thanks to previously reading Rebecca https://amzn.to/2BVakpp—and that’s exactly what I got—for better and for worse. Our heroine is definitely a damsel in distress, all muddle and forbidden love and quivering fear. I think I would have loved this book if Mary had some spunk, but instead, she kind of just bounces her way through the story. I found I enjoyed giving daily updates to my husband about what was happening a lot more than I actually enjoyed reading it. But for pure camp, it’s great: creepy isolated house, desolate moors, shady characters, an is-he-or-isn’t-he love interest, locked doors, a big character reveal, and plenty of stormy nights.

Favorite highlight: “The driver, muffled in a greatcoat to his ears, bent almost double in his seat in a faint endeavor to gain shelter from his own shoulders…”

Prague Spring by Simon Mawer | 4 1/2 stars Yay for British release dates: I got to read this book in time for the anniversary of Prague Spring on August 21—it’s available for pre-order now in the U.S.

This books examines what people are willing to risk for freedom and love. And if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to accidentally get caught up in a potentially dangerous spy mission, this is the book for you.

It’s the summer of 1968—the summer of love—even, for a while, in communist Czechoslovakia. As tensions rise between Moscow and Prague in the background, this story follow the misadventures—romantic and otherwise—of two groups of people: an on-again-off-again British couple who cross the Iron Curtain on a lark as they listlessly backpack through Europe, and a group of Czech youths—eager to test the limits of the Czechoslovak “socialism with a human face”—who find themselves in an unexpected friendship with a British diplomat.

There are also world-famous musicians, bugged rooms, larks into the countryside, and secret meetings. The various threads of this sort-of spy story come together in a satisfying, heartbreaking way. There’s plenty of intrigue, interpersonal sparks, romance, adventure, and irresistible descriptions of Prague, as well as a cast of characters you won’t soon forget. (I also LOVED another book by Simon Mawer: The Glass Room.) http://meljoulwan.com/2018/07/23/reading-recap-june-2018/

Favorite highlight: “You haven’t lived here long enough,” Zdenek said. “No one can live in this place for long and still believe in reality.”

FIND ALL THESE BOOKS AND MORE IN MY AMAZON STORE!

Source: https://meljoulwan.com/2018/09/03/reading-recap-august-2018/

[abitoflit]

Clarence Major, Amiri Baraka, Mari Evans and More!

In his literary commentary entitled, “A Black Criterion,” Clarence Major discusses how the African American writer must strip away at all that is expected of him/her by white readers and critics. They must forge a new identity for themselves as African-American writers, using their own criteria to distinguish literary works of art from those that need mending. He describes the importance and necessity of creating a new “presence” within the literary realm, “because seeing the world through white eyes from a black soul causes death,” (Major 720). Major feels as though the “African American experience” differs so radically from the “white experience” that it is simply nonsensical for them to write in the same fashion, and to an extent, of the same things. Furthermore, it doesn’t make sense for them, as far as he is concerned, to be held to the same standards. The African Americans owe it not only to themselves, but to society, to write of their viewpoints and their experiences through their own lens. In this way, they may create the most genuine and insightful literary works, which will in turn, contribute to society’s overall consciousness and the development of its denizens. By accomplishing these few feats, society and the African Americans who inhabit it will attain “total life,” (Major 721).

In his poem entitled, “Grief Streams Down My Chest,” Lance Jeffers relates the grief his own people, the African Americans, have felt, (presumably over issues such as slavery and segregation, although they are never directly named), and the Vietnamese people, (presumably following the atrocities of the Vietnam War). Jeffers expresses how even the Vietnamese mothers, who have lost their loved ones, understand this connection. However, Jeffers writes that he has only, “seen and dimly understood their suffering,” (Jeffers 470). In the final two lines of his poem, he betrays his true feelings; the sense that he has not suffered as much as the Vietnamese mothers he describes. For a time, I wondered why Jeffers could have felt this way. The only conclusion I could come to was the fact that the Vietnamese mothers were currently living through their pain; that of their people, whereas Jeffers was not. By the time Lance Jeffers was born, slavery had already been abolished. While segregation and racism were still present during his time, they also passed him by.

In Naomi Long Madgett’s poem entitled, “Her Story,” Madgett describes the three things, which led an African-American girl to attempt suicide. The narrator of Madgett’s poem begins by expressing how her name was ill-suited for her. How her given name, “Grace,” sharply contrasted her adult form, as a “big and black and burly,” (Madgett 472), individual. Second, the narrator relates how she wanted to be an actress, but couldn’t make it anywhere in the business, and was forced to wait tables in order to get by.  She describes, bitterly, how men would invite her up to their rooms, (presumably to have sex). By painting a picture of her negative life experiences with words, the narrator betrays a hard truth, which clearly takes hold of her psyche, and serves to diminish its strength and wellbeing. While the narrator fails to be “good enough” to fulfill her dream of acting on a Broadway stage, she’s “good enough” to be a waitress in Harlem, and hear lascivious comments, asking for one night stands. With the final two lines of the second stanza, Madgett manages to transcend the plight of a single woman, (the subject of her poem), and relate her work to the plight of many women, living anywhere in the world. (Since it is not uncommon to hear of women who are consistently cat-called or hit on, while being kept from jobs in their desired field by the men who own the majority of the industry). Madgett accomplishes a similar feat in the third stanza, when the narrator discusses her attempted suicide. Madgett transcends the plight of her subject, by discussing an issue, which plagues many depressed and hopeless individuals. She describes how when a person is constantly surrounded by negativity, they may be driven to commit suicide.

In her poem entitled, “Status Symbol,” Mari Evans briefly describes the roots of the “New Negro.” She alludes to how president Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves with the Emancipation Proclamation, how her people progressed through the Civil Rights movement with peaceful demonstrations, etc. Then, she “fast-forwards” to the present day, and how she has acquired a job, and a status symbol. However, instead of being an item such as “money” or a “house,” which would betray a person’s financial and social status, the symbol is, “the / key / to the / White…Locked… / John,” (Evans 475). Having been given the key to the white man’s bathroom, is a sign that Evans has attained the status of a white individual. The end of the poem alludes to the cessation of segregation, as well as equal rights and opportunity for all American citizens. Overall, although the breakup of the poem was somewhat confusing and difficult to read through, the piece ended on a happy note, which was rather refreshing, given the more negative tone of many of the things we read during this course.

“Black Jam for Dr. Negro,” by Mari Evans, left me feeling as though the poem were being recited by a girl from the inner city. The improper use of English grammar, and replacement of correct vocabulary with slang, made me feel as though I were listening to an African American girl who had left her education behind, and sought out a life where she could teach herself what she felt was “black culture,” and all that was necessary for her survival. As far as I can tell, the narrator appears to feel as though part of “black culture,” is fighting against the constraints that whites place upon African Americans, and fighting “white expectation” of blacks. In order to accomplish these feats, the narrator feels the need to maintain her afro and “pop” her collar. She doesn’t feel the need to “walk heels first,” (Evans 477). Instead, she seems to feel contemptuous toward the white individuals who question her mode of dress, the way she walks, and the way she looks. While she acknowledges that these different things, (such as putting their collar down), work for white people, and that’s fine, it doesn’t work for her, and she would appreciate it if whites stopped trying to mold her into their ideal vision. She strongly asks that whites stop, “pilin it on rubbin it/in,” (Evans 477), because she knows she can’t live up to their standards, and doesn’t want to. Trying to be like white folks; individuals she clearly sees herself as having nothing in common with, hurts her.

Amiri Baraka’s poem entitled, “Look for You Yesterday, Here You Come Today,” was very confusing to me. No matter how many times I read it, I couldn’t quite be sure what its point was. Part of my confusion stemmed from the construction of the poem, with the different stanzas being scattered haphazardly over the pages. The second portion stemmed from a distraction formulated by what I am certain is a typo in the twenty-eighth line, when Baraka writes, “if I cd think of a way to do it,” (Baraka 481). I am certain that the line should have read, “if I could think of a way to do it,” which would be the proper use of the English language.

With that being said, my only guess would be that the poem was meant to contrast the life of an adult, with the life of a child. This is due to the fact that Baraka mentions things like “box tops,” “space helmets,” a glow-in-the-dark belt, and a “Captain Midnight decoder,” which are all items that may be associated with children. Furthermore, in the last stanza of the poem, Baraka seems to be alluding to the use of his imagination, as a contributor to the games he played as a child. In this case, he was the Lone Ranger. Each of these ideas is contrasted with those, which Baraka expressed earlier on during the course of his poem. Examples include the arrival of awful poems in the mail, a pregnant wife, etc.

Baraka’s poem entitled “Black Art,” seemed to have a fairly straightforward message, (that poems are bad, because they cannot live up to people’s expectations of them. Yet, they can be good when they do, and African Americans should write them to express themselves). At the same time, the poem seemed both jumpy and disjointed. It started off by talking about how poems are “bullshit,” before suddenly winding up on how people want “assassin” poems, and I didn’t feel like there was much of a transition between these two ideas. I wasn’t really sure how I wound up in this place, so to speak. Overall, I thought that the poem was poorly composed, and didn’t really care for it at all.

Works Cited:

Amiri Baraka, “Black Art,” in Online Course Resources, Richard Courage, African American Literature, Westchester Community College, n.d. Web. [June 5, 2016]

Chapman, Abraham. Black Voices: An Anthology of African-American Literature. New York: Signet Classics, 1968. Print.

[mercurygray]

In Haste

I was trying to work around to something else, and somehow...stopped here first. Emma and Henry hit an ...unexpected roadblock.

She hadn't meant for it to happen this way - but then again, who ever does?

She hadn't felt well for a good number of days, her stomach at odds with everything she tried to eat that wasn't a bit of dry toast. "It is all that filthy air," her mother pronounced, laying an expert hand to Emma's forehead. "You must stay home today. They cannot expect the nurses to work if they themselves are sick!"

But when one day turned to two, and two to three, even Mrs. Green was convinced it was not one of the usual complaints to be nursed with ginger and barley-water, and Emma was bundled up back to the hospital for a more thorough examination.

How strange it felt, to be the one examined! She'd watched Foster do this so many times on others to have it done upon herself was...strange. Miss Phinney lingered in the background, waiting should the examination require a more ...invasive touch.

First the usual things, pulse, tongue, eyes, heart, Foster's questions quick while he counted beats, examined sclera. Could she eat? Not much. Was she having trouble sleeping? Nothing unusual. Any sign of fever, of rash? None to be found. How were her bowel movements - regular? And her menses? Yes, and...no. She had been scant, since starting at the hospital, the stress...it wasn't unheard of...Two months, perhaps - or was it three?

Foster listened, considered - and then withdrew with Miss Phinney to the far side of the room, their faces hidden as they consulted. Emma watched Mary's posture change. Then Foster left the room, and it was Mary who turned back to the two of them.

"Well?" Jane Green did not like to be kept waiting.

Mary drew a breath, looking at Emma with a pained expression, the kind she'd often wear when telling a man he was about to die. Emma realized half a second before she said it what Mary's news was, why Foster had left and why her expression was now so very grave.

"Mrs. Green, I believe your daughter's pregnant."

Her mother stood, stunned, for a moment, and then realized that this was not a joke, but very, very real, her own mental addition totalling the same sum. She gave Miss Phinney an outraged look that the most fierce of war gods would have admired, seized Emma's wrist and nearly dragged her from the room. Emma could practically hear the shouting as her mother dragged her back downstairs. Here it was! Proof positive that all her fears had been completely valid! Her daughter, her Emma, vilely used by one of these Yankee creatures as though she were not a girl from a good family, and then left on the mercy of the world! It would not do!

Miss Phinney's exhortations for patience, given in their wake, were falling on deaf ears.

"And you may tell your Major that she will NOT be returning!" Jane Green announced stridently at the door, in full view of anyone who cared to hear, before turning on her heel and marching smartly out, Emma still shamefully in tow.

Her mother's face was a mask of anger and disappointment all the way back to the house, though she did not speak, save only to send Emma to her room. It was the silence, Emma thought, dejectedly, that hurt the most.

She heard the shouting even from all the way upstairs - her mother's explosive announcement alongside her father's wounded shouts. She half-expected to have one parent or the other burst through the door, but none came - only Belinda, with a cup of tea. Emma fell into her arms weeping.

"There, child, you wouldn't be the first," Belinda said, sitting down to stroke her hair. "Plenty of girls done it before and plenty more gonna do it after, I'm sure. And there ain't much your mama can do to change it, now, is there?" She petted her hair again. "Now you don't have to tell me nothing, but it wasn't one of them doctors, like your mama seem to think?" Emma shook her head, not trusting her voice. No, she knew exactly from whence this calamity had come - and he was now back with General Jackson. A single night, a single, stupid choice -- oh, why had she given what he'd asked? "Well, that's something," Belinda mused sagely.

That night dinner arrived on a tray.  So much the better - she didn't much feel like trying to eat with her family anyway, not when they would all stare at her like she was the new Salome, dancing wickedly before the men of Mansion House to bring dishonor on her family. Not even Alice came to see her afterwards.  

Her world shrank to four walls, her only entertainments the noises of the house -- officers coming and going, the sounds of horses in the street, the voices of her siblings in closed conference  with each other.

The next afternoon (after two more meals on trays) Belinda was at her door.

"Miss Emma, your father wants you downstairs."

They dressed her hair as quickly as they could, changing out of the nightdress in which she'd passed most of the morning for the most modest of her work-frocks.

She'd never been afraid to enter her father's study before, but now, standing outside the door, Emma's heart was pounding. What would he do? He was a man for fairness  -- but fairness, she thought, wasn't for debauched daughters. Belinda knocked and waited, opening the door when she was bid.  Her father stood as the door opened, as did  - oh, god in heaven. His visitor.

Enthroned behind his heavy desk James Green looked every inch the family patriarch, expression stern and unamused. His visitor  - well.

"Reverend Hopkins just asked me if he may marry you," her father announced without any of the usual pleasantries. Emma tried not to stare. How had - well, that was probably Miss Phinney. It wasn't as though her sudden departure had been a secret - people would have asked questions. Obviously Henry had been told the truth.  "As I have heard nothing of this... attachment previously, I can imagine it is for the usual reason." He gave a long, hard look at his daughter. "Well?"

Emma felt her father's disapproval down to the heels of her boots and, by way of acknowledgement, hung her head.

Her father's frown could have cut stone. "I’m not sure who I should be more disappointed in,” he said, eyes sliding between the two sorry beings in front of his desk. “My daughter, or you.” Hopkins, to his credit, did not break under the gaze, but still, no man liked to be called a stain on his profession. “I suppose you are doing the honorable thing now - but as her father I feel I should have the courtesy of knowing how this...travesty occurred.

Emma felt her stomach begin to churn again. What would he say?

Hopkins, hat in hand and looking penitent as anything, continued the story he'd been starting when Emma had come in -- of long days and longer nights, of stolen glances in corridors and shared consolation in the face of share grief. Emma could almost see the whole thing as he spoke, as if it were the truth and not some careful embroidery on it. A long bedside vigil, a particularly late and quiet evening, an accidental encounter when one had been undressed, and then - too late -

"You forced yourself on her?"

"No, Papa!" Emma finally remembered how to use her voice. James Green's anger was in danger of becoming extreme, and no man deserved that abuse, especially when he least deserved it. He was saving her - she at least owed him this much. "It was a ...mutual desire." Long in coming, she almost wanted to say - for that was true, at least on her part. Though, for his... She glanced at Henry, hoping he could see how much she meant it, how much she wished the story he had told was true, that it was he and not Frank who held the blame. His eyes were hard to read, but his hands were tight around the brim of his hat. How she wanted to take one of them and caress it!

Or would he take that badly? He, after all, was saving her, not the other way around. Perhaps he wouldn't like that, preferring to remain aloof, a noble savior far too worthy of the thing being saved.

If the story had consolation in it to Emma, it was not so for her father - he was still adamant behind the desk.

"Well. It'll have to be a quick wedding...though I'm sure they'll guess anyway. You'd better come to dinner, and...meet the family. We can still do some things properly." At this Mr. Green glared at his daughter, a silent reprimand for having deprived him of the usual social niceties. "Of course it won't be in style, there's a war on, but her mother will want something nice. A church ceremony, of course, as you are...of the cloth."

"Of course, sir."

"Well, I think our business is concluded," Mr. Green said, rising again from his seat. "We shall ...set a date for dinner."

"Thank you, sir." Henry, hesitating, held out his hand, a gesture almost as much of peace and reconciliation as the conclusion of a deal. Her father looked at it as though he'd spit in his palm first, and, eventually, Henry let the hand drop, and nodded his goodbye. "I’ll...show myself out."

Emma watched him leave, paralyzed, and then, remembering herself, sprinted after him. What had he - had they! -  just done?

"Henry!" He stopped, half-way down the porch steps, and turned, meeting her eye for the first time all morning. What agonies were in his eyes! "How did -"

"Miss Phinney," he said. "She came to me for counsel on what should be done, asked if I knew anything, as you and I were...close." The way he said the word gave her some measure of the fallen hopes that he had in it. "I told her I did not. She was most concerned your family...should behave as they did."

She silently blessed Heaven for the angel that was Mary Phinney. "You don't have to do this," she said. "I'll...I'll tell him you've lied, tell him the truth -"

"To what end, Emma? What purpose would that serve?"

She stopped, thinking that was obvious. You're being noble when you've no reason to. I've never done anything for you that would deserve such kindness. "So that you wouldn't have to tie yourself to me."

He swallowed, took a breath. "You say that like you think it's a burden."

Emma's heart caught in her throat. "...Isn't it?"

Now it was his turn to look embarrassed and afraid. "That story I told ...could have been the truth. I...I prayed over it often enough.” He looked down furtively, ashamed of the admittance. “Good day, Miss Green."

Her heart was soaring. Could have been the truth! "Henry, wait, I --" She stopped him again on the steps. "The neighbors," she said quickly. "They'll wonder, when they hear...and haven't seen you..."

His eyes glanced at the houses to left and right, and gave a nod, letting her step down and kiss him, on the cheek, like one might chastely kiss a beau leaving after a perfectly expected visit to her father. Did she imagine that he held himself back, that he was stiff and formal only because he wanted more and did not trust himself? "Thank you," she said again, hanging on his arm. "For...everything. I hope...I won't disappoint you." Like I've disappointed you already, she wanted to add.

His only answer was a smile. Slim and sorry, but a smile. "You never could."

[mild-lunacy]

Here be Dragons (and S4)

Soooo... my thoughts. Let me show you them.

So I’ve watched it, and my coconspirators were... less than impressed. I can only imagine what fandom’s like right now (noooo, don’t tell me.) Anyway, things out of the way: I enjoyed it. Quite a bit! Loooove the plot of TLD, some of the best stuff in any season. Wonderful mindfuckery. Awesome creepy villain. Devoted bab yet badass Sherlock. Great action scenes. A lot of Angst(tm). And (I’m sure) a lot of people reevaluating everything they ever knew-- about John, Mary, the Holmes brothers, possibly Sherlock, etc etc. Just as bad as we thought, eh? Except not in the way we thought... except I guess for Mary being Birdy-like. That’s definitely there... though I’m still not sure we’ve seen the whole story.

Anyway, TST:

Love the intro reel of case scenes and Sherlock acting like a brat at all times.

Was horrified (and pissed) when Sherlock told John he preferred Mary as partner. Seemed Wrong with a capital W, even if correct on its merits. That was Not A Good Sign. But then John eventually just accepts it and tells Mary to go first (even worse sign).

Jesus Christ, that John!balloon. Oh John. Yikes? Also wow.

Overall, pushing Mary into an investigating threesome was just so wrong and bad and painful. But necessary to demonstrate how good it... isn’t. Also, John wasn’t so happy with that, and the whole Sherlock+Mary investigations thing doesn’t really work ‘cause while Sherlock wants a partner, Mary... doesn’t. In fact she runs out of the country *just* to stop Sherlock from being her partner, more or less. And then he follows anyway. It was a bit cringey, honestly.

Anyway, AGRA = a whole team is a great surprise. Employment by Mycroft foreshadowed in TAB! (Look in TAB! TAB shall save you! Remember the waterfall scene!)

Thought the way they handled the unhappy marriage to be really interesting and subtle (splitting the Antichrist scene in half). John lying, etc (though... as we find out next ep, not all is as it seems! but from John’s pov, he really did want to cheat and he did, to some extent). So basically, they both didn’t want the baby, and John wasn’t any happier than he ever was. Established.

They did banter just a bit about Rosie’s evilness, but this was then contrasted with John using that opportunity (and any opportunity) to disconnect. The intimacy was a sham.

Do I think John’s lie and Mary’s lies were *equivalent*? No. Was it all All Mary’s Fault? Also no, clearly. Set up for guilt.

As I said, Sherlock was clearly way too obsessed with keeping the vow, which Mary didn’t even seem to want. Of course not. But very heroic of him. She doesn’t want Sherlock to save her, unlike the way Sherlock and John are. Saving someone is something one has to *want*. It can’t-- shouldn’t-- be forced. Another Not So Good Sign.

I love Sherlock fighting the guy in the water hardcore. I really wanted badass Sherlock, and got him. Take that, unbelievers! haha

Sherlock’s problem is his cockiness about his mental prowess. So... he makes the same mistake again! But this time he (finally) learns, as he tells Mrs Hudson about Norbury. But it’s too late... or is it?

I’m not as horrified at Mary’s Birdy-ness as some, I’m sure. It was always an option. This is consistent in terms of Moffat’s style, and insofar as I never thought Mary was like, Moriarty material in the first place. She’s just a rogue agent. And she quit because she wanted some peace and quiet. She also kinda misses her work and wishes Sherlock would stop ‘helping’ (I mean, she even shot him to prove that point, from her pov). This was always canon. It remained canon, more or less. Am I that disappointed? No. It just means there was a reason the surface narrative existed.

I was just happy Mary was dead. Finally! Finally! gaaaah.

Do I think Mary’s throwing herself in front of Sherlock worked? Yes and no.

Yes, because I can see it balancing. They had to get rid of that storyline somehow, and it *was* imbalanced. If she’s not gonna go full evil, then you need some kinda atonement. Amanda said early on she wanted to die in John’s arms. So far, so predictable.

No, because I’m still not sure *why* she did it. Like, okay, I believe she always liked Sherlock, and felt a bit sorry, but sacrificing yourself doesn’t seem like Mary’s... thing. So... jury’s still out. John’s response, ditto.

Amanda’s performance as Mary at the end and/or the writing was kinda iffy. I didn’t really find it believable, but it’s not a deal-breaker. I am kinda confused, though.

I *will* say that the growling and lashing out seemed over-the-top. More like rage than grief, so it’s not really comparable to Reichenbach. Saying he mourned ‘more’ isn’t as relevant as saying it’s just *different*. He made Mary’s death about Sherlock, even if in terms of fault. Somehow it was about Sherlock (even though he later acknowledges that it was Mary’s choice in TLD... indirectly confirming that he’s irrational). Seems silly to really compare. The response is pretty different, and completely irrational. He thinks Sherlock’s literally superhuman, and that belief has finally come home to bite both John and Sherlock on the ass, big time.

*Given* that’s what John believes, though, his later avoidance and extreme (apparently semi-psychotic?? or otherwise facilitated?) break makes sense. As for Mary and Mrs Hudson and Molly all acting as go-betweens, that’s par for the course (same for Irene... the women are always the conduits, and so Mary serves that function even unto death).

There’s a plot thing going on. I dunno *what* plot thing, but some things are not as they seem, and I cannot tell you what I think of John’s behavior without knowing what mindfuck we’re dealing with. Speaking of Moffat’s style, the one thing I feel sure of is that ‘our’ John’s devoted to Sherlock. That is a central truth, and I mean outside of the canon Johnlock thing. Still, I can see John breaking because of guilt and rage and just... everything, and needing to be saved. I can also see Mary predicting this, and knowing that John can always be counted upon to help, to save Sherlock Holmes. She was there at the wedding speech. And it’s true that John wouldn’t accept help. So... John hits rock bottom, loses himself, starts hallucinating (as does Sherlock-- but Sherlock does drugs). We don’t really know what John does. But I believe he acts the way he does for a reason, and even the hallucination thing must have a reason, especially in an ep where there’s lots of mind-altering drugs floating around and reality’s not super firm.

So I’m not super certain what Really Happened. I wouldn’t go so far as to say TLD wasn’t ‘real’. I think the plot happened. I just think we don’t know  *everything* and things are deceiving. I also think that the waterfall scene (’there’s always two of us’) is gospel in terms of representing the center of how Moffat and Gatiss think. So the fact that it’s both threatened and highlighted in TLD-- John needs to save Sherlock, Sherlock needs to save John, but neither quite succeeds-- should tell you that we’re not supposed to be satisfied. It’s quite obvious Sherlock didn’t save John-- John’s life is literally more in danger than ever before at the end of TLD. And John says he didn’t want to save Sherlock till Mary pushed him-- though Mary’s repeatedly said to be a part of his mind. A part that teases him about Sherlock, while John represses and avoids. John doesn’t think he’s Sherlock’s John-- but (as we saw with hard proof when Sherlock predicts his behavior early on), Sherlock demonstrably *knows* him. John doesn’t even think he’s Mary’s John-- he thinks Mary idealized him, and he’s not ‘that man’. So he’s lost all faith and doesn’t know who/what to believe. But again, neither do we-- we’re right where John is. My coconspirators have also lost faith, and don’t know what to believe anymore, along with John.

Something’s going on with the hallucinations, whether Sherrinford or Mary. But there’s got to be an explanation. Like for example, how is the paper real? Why did Sherrinford know all that stuff (or did she)? How did Sherlock seem to know about Mary, the specter at the wedding, so to speak? I don’t know, but I want to. Something really weird is going on.

The one thing I do know, the one thing I cannot doubt, is that John Watson always saves Sherlock Holmes (and vice versa). One suggests the other, as TLD states explicitly. So if they’re making us question it, they’ve definitely got something up their sleeve, as I said. This isn’t about canon Johnlock; John and Sherlock’s devotion is at the heart of their partnership. TAB is a great foreshadowing and/or set-up in that regard. We know that when John acted callous and uncaring at the grave site, this wasn’t the real John. That was only two eps ago. So... yeah. 

More thoughts on TLD:

What a mindfuck! It’s glorious. So tight, so well-plotted. Just really wonderful. The whole critique that begs itself is that John’s not John-like, but then you have TAB and that cliffhanger. So... to be continued.

The whole set-up of the confession that’s set up to be forgotten is really ingenious. The cereal killer stuff is amazing. They just had so much fun with the plotting here, and it shows. My fave villain besides Moriarty. Genuinely creepy and fun. Both traumatizing and fun in the old-school evil sense. It’s great.

The way Mrs Hudson shows up with Sherlock in tow, her having that crazy car and owning property in central London, Sherlock predicting everything John does (including Molly) two weeks away... Jesus. That was amazing. Mrs. Hudson is amazing.

I’m here to tell you I was immediately irritated by Sherrinford. Yeah, even on the bus (seemed weirdly fake and pushy!) and then like, you know, that’s a weirdly fake and pushy psychologist, too. Acting a bit like TEH Mary, actually.

Everything’s a series of lies, no less than TAB, except the stakes are higher. Sherrinford’s a prime example of a character who’s constantly twisting and changing, like ripples in a pond. Really really well done. The initial scene at Baker Street with Sherlock was so great as characterization. ‘Fuck off’. ‘Bollocks’. Sherlock being pouty. It’s just so painful, too. God, that whole scene was killer, so painful it’s exquisite.

Poor Sherlock. Babs. :( He misses him so much. :(

Also, we were right! Take heart, we’re right about the things that count, and also: Mofftiss are liars. Sherrinford says Sherlock’s so nice, and then of course Mrs Hudson says Sherlock feels things, operates on feeling. I just. Wah. Also, Sherlock really is nice. I was really touched.

Sherlock being so willing to believe he just made up his meeting with Sherrinford, like... boy thinks he literally has magical powers, haha.

The joke (”joke”) about Sherlock and/or Mycroft dying in weeks also foreshadowed in TAB.

John beating up Sherlock at the morgue was brutal though. Jury’s still out on a lot of things, however. Some weird stuff was happening in that scene, ‘cause this is after that whole episode of losing it after thinking of Sherrinford, weird camerawork, time-skip forward to Lestrade and so on.

I know that a lot of things about surface HLV have been seemingly proven real... but even there, I’m not totally sure. This show is amazing. I do think we know that Sherlock somehow convinced himself he trusted Mary. We also never see John reject Mary to the degree he rejected Sherlock, in large part ‘cause Sherlock went out of his way to prevent that. Still, HLV didn’t have this much drugs floating around.

I kinda love the plot resolution, I have to say. The recorder in the cane is interesting tho. Was John in on it? Did Sherlock put it in afterwards? I dunno, don’t ask me, I just work here. I will say that Something is going on, and parts of the set-up (working partly with and partly without John) reminds me of TRF.

Here be Dragons: John and Sherlock’s conversation at Baker Street, and Sherrinford. We pretty much know nothing about Sherrinford except that this casts parts of John’s characterization/behavior in TST into doubt. He was obviously being manipulated, to some degree. To what degree, I don’t know.

The conversation is obviously yet more heterobaiting. *Is* it obvious? Well, it’s not usual. It’s the sort of thing we’ve seen before. Is it painful anyway? Yes.

Great to see Sherlock move to comfort John, though. He’s definitely progressed and grown a lot.

John’s whole thing about not being Mary’s John, his lost faith in himself, his insistence that Sherlock needs a woman... I just can’t take it at face value. Call me naive. The whole thing rings hollow. It’s not the whole story, certainly. Can I imagine John saying this at the end of his rope, though? I mean, he even cried. Very confused. (Funny how Sherlock sort of awkwardly tiptoed about the whole Irene thing). John’s clearly still breaking. Still unsaved. Go on, Sherlock. Save John Watson. It really is (almost certainly) the real Final Problem.