#I cannot deal w ppl rn

[night-triumphantt]

.

[navarice]

bridgerton fans on tumblr save me bc the ppl over on twitter are choosing to be obtuse on purpose…

I’ve never been opposed to being a little shit over content/media we all consume but my god ppl just wake up and decide to be assholes on the internet for no reason. cant say how many people I’ve blocked bc of it 😧

long story short, if you don’t like what the season will offer for any reason at all, please do us a favor and don’t watch it. Please we are begging. Some of us want to get lost in the fake regency and pretty dresses and plenty of fucking. not everything has to be another reason why you think teenagers who write burn books are the literal worst ppl to walk the planet or how you don’t find fat people hot. Both are valid and fine but don’t come into a working kitchen and be surprised people are using the utensils.

[ofmdee]

😵

been having some thinky thoughts today, and for a while, rly, abt my Feelings abt breathing underwater and i tried to type something up on twitter but that jsut was not letting me think my thoughts correctly

i love BU........... so goddamn much. it started out as nothing more than a silly idea abt little mermaid ed meeting stede and kind of ballooned into what ive built it up into today. it's so important to me... but it's making me a little miserable right now?

miserable because i dont want to work on it, but i WANT TO want to work on it, i want to tell this story and read the finished product, ive got so many ideas, but i just. cannot get myself to do the actual WORK of making sentences and then staging all the pics........... what used to be a fun little pastime now feels like a chore, an obligation, a compulsion almost. it sucks, but it sucks more NOT doing it, you know what i mean? idk.

i know ive built it up into this big THING to myself, like... idk, i do this so often, i have big ideas and love to plan and organize them and then i get going with such intensity until i abruptly fizzle out. i start things and dont finish them, and i guess i just rly dont want this to be another thing that gets thrown on my unfinished projects pile :/

i have the next 2 parts drafted, but every time i go back to poke at them and edit them i just get so disheartened because it's obvious that my heart wasn't really in writing them, and it's difficult to salvage a rough draft like that. part of me wants to just delete those parts entirely and say fuck it im taking an indefinite hiatus, and i will start fresh when this is fun again! which would probably be the best thing, actually, but... i am reluctant to do that, because i just dont have anything else to rly fill my time rn.

i havent been getting a lot of joy out of... anything, rly, for a long time now, im so bored and apathetic and even my normal go to things arent cutting it anymore. and idk if it's a depression thing or if im truly outgrowing some interests, but either way i know i need to get more Things in my life somehow, because writing and sims are my two biggest pastimes, and then i combined them, and then i got sick of both so ive got so little to go on! so i keep poking at the things that i used to love, hoping to find that spark again 😪 i love these little guys and their little world!!! and it makes me sad that im not actually having Fun with the PROCESS.

it doesn't help that i am constantly torn between man i wish more ppl read my fic!!! i work so hard on it!! and man i never want anyone to perceive me or my writing ever it's so amateur!! idk what i want and idk what i want to DO about it!!

so, idk!! idk where this is all going, lol, i just... wanted to try and organize these thoughts somehow.

trying to reason w myself that at the end of the day, i am writing a fanfiction. that's it. it's not that big of a deal, and yet it feels huge to me, somehow. I don't wanna let down the ppl who are reading it, and i dont wanna let myself down again, either.

BUT it's not supposed to make me feel miserable it is supposed to be fun i am lowkey crying rn because like urghghghgh why isnt it fun?!!?!

so. i think i gotta do some more thinking, because not making any kind of decision is making things worse! and idk, if all of this hasnt put u off of the idea of my fic, here is the series page lmfao i could use some encouragement i guess......

but i am going to seriously put more thought into an official hiatus, because i think i am getting Too preoccupied with it again and it's messing with me!!!

i actually had a decent time doing those kitty ed pics today, even tho they didn't do so hot, so maybe i am just gonna try to focus on that kind of thing, doing stuff that actually catches my attention, and also doing things without the intention of sharing them at all. allowing things to be messy. i get so caught up in the thought of someone else seeing my work that i paralyze myself trying to make it PERFECT.

i had a decent time doing that oneshot from ed's pov as well. so maybe i need to work on projects that are a bit smaller scale. i dont have to say goodbye to BU stuff forever, but i am just so ALL OR NOTHING that it feels like a way bigger decision than it actually is 😓

so i guess....... im gonna sleep on it for a while. think about it and try and come to a firm decision. because if i take a break, i need to REALLY take a break, which includes not thinking about it all the time and constantly beating myself up for not doing it 😅

idk, thank you if you read this far, here are a few kitty pics of ed for ur time:

[toestalucia]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

what’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

im easy...........and like too much.......personally ! i prefer akira with the older wizards, ive talked about being in those ship tags ummmm a lot<3 i cant narrow it down further......the twins are an exception but ive been over that in the past. atm i like emu with mafuyu, rui, nene & akito a lot :D theres def more (like honami i think would be cute! and i do like her with tsukasa too, but emu tsukasa besties....), but im like twice her age so i think about that stuff so rarely LOLLLL i thought hard about the rest of my muses but.......?????????? eight/machina....perhaps...........sofia/forte.......yeong/tara......(cagli teehee)

what are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

i lov drama. with gran it comes natural cuz welcome to ur 'assuming things w/out asking' and 'thinks way too much into the future where they dont want to settle down' captain. i think akiras the most tender of all of them? and most likely to actually bring up issues? sofia is fun because i think about the event where she Doesnt speak in opposites and micah ends up rly confused........being accepted with her weird speech patterns..... natsume too, either staying at the accepting his weird behavior (jumping, scared expression, running) or having the 'i can see youkai' convo....yknow.....its good...i know tanuma alrdy had a convo like that (UNREAL CONVO i miss it) but yknow. Overall ! anything. mostly. theres some 'ohhh angst' topics im not interested in, so i think most stuff stay on the more lighthearted/loving side tho

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

feel like a fraud everytime i say that i personally wont write akira with some of the 20yo's cuz im always close to deciding to make akira closer to 30. and then i say i like akira with figaro & oz......the ancient ppl......

are you selective when shipping?

rather than selective i just dont ask ppl........and i have no interest in making relationship calls nor liking them........i want to see where the writing goes first cuz i knoowwww i sometimes say gran would say x but then i write it and y happens yknow LOLLLLLL i'd be open to jumping into stuff on discord or something tho i think ? i think i could jump into romance stuff no problemo then cuz it'd feel slightly separated from here...?! cuz idk but theres something when i open this blog that i......its a very slowburn......if ure willing to spend some months writing so gran can become more accepting of the idea then its go go go. does this make sense. well either way im not sure tbh. grans a bit added difficulty too considering how i deal with their age LOLLL since cygames is pushing 15yo still. which gives me a headache seeing how the summer events etc are explicitly yearly.....i cannot write act3 gran as a teen, not when theres a political engagement with alliah like cmon....i refuse..........but since ure following this blog uve alrdy read this stuff in my rules/about LOL

either way akiras easier with romance. i just dont approach ppl about it. whenever i make that farmsim blog i wanna be more casual with this stuff tbh...T_^ for funsies............write some yearning...

how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

not far at all. LMFAOOOOOOOO i use that tag very liberally. its unlikely im writing that stuff anyway....

does one have to ask to ship with you?

:DDDDDDDDDD if i ask u we've probably written for years & years && its starting to reach crush-territory anyway (hello kaitlyn) but man idk what it is....romance is just difficult to write on tomblr rn for me...gran does not make this easier. the issues r endless. can i offer u akira.

how often do you like to ship?

(person whos always in ship tags) (smiley face) (smiley face) (smiley face) can u get into mhyk for akira....or farmsims....................ill ship everything in there.....

are you multiship?

YAAAAAA the idea of having 1 ship on my blog doesnt excite me. even tho i dont write romance atm. LMFAOABKAJD

are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

do u wanna hear about the akifi doujins ive read. or the akifau art where faust puts a flowercrown on akiras head.

what is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

THIS IS HOW DIANTHA/CLARISSE CAN STILL WIN. i am also a sabrina/leona fan. 'did they interact' no but they should. ppl who lost their husband(s). ppl who both should be AT THE CLUB. me/canaria. me/crystal

finally, how does one ship with you?

u like my posts & listen to my ramblings and i twirl my hair and send u more asks and then it just happens. foolproof.

tagged by: @convxction faty my beloved my everything u should do it for ur multi too.... tagging: @shiningstages kait i think u should do this for ur multi and ramble............

[prettyfdolly]

Hello everyone~

I’ll update this as needed

*liking, commenting, adding on, reblogging, etc. are all ok and ENCOURAGED!! Notifications make me horny lol*

I’m 19 and I live in the USA (my pronouns are she/they and gender is confusing, but I like femme terms most of the time)(also I’m bi with a slight slight preference men/masc ppl)

I am very opinionated in non-kink context, so if you like Trump, do not support Palestinians right to exist in their home, do not support trans and/or gay people, think that what is happening in the us is ok and normal, etc etc, let’s talk about it bcs I disagree with you. If you cannot behave like you have common decency then you’ll be blocked. This is still a kink blog I don’t have to deal with anything I don’t want to.

I truly believe that America can come back from this, but only if we work together as a people.

(Comments & asks can be as kinky as you would like, but please treat DMs like you just saw me on the street and see me as a real person)

Here are some things you can do to make me not want to talk to you:

- not have your age in your bio/be a minor (blocked)

- ask me for pics if you’ve followed me for less than a day and haven’t tried to talk to me much (I will only send when I want to and to the people I want to send to. If you don’t like it go away rn pls)

- ask me questions abt information that is immediately available to you (here or from my bio)

-send me pics without asking

- not able to separate this from reality (I am content knowing I will not find me soulmate on here and don’t want to lol)

- call me mean names before I know that you’ll call me nice ones too

- ask me to meet up I WILL NOT MEET YOU IRL!!! A lot of people have talked to me about where I live so that we could potentially have a session within the first WEEK of talking to me online. I don’t even know your name lol. (Hypothetical kinky stuff is different)

- coming to me to dominate you (I am a switch for the right people and it’s probably not you if you do this)

- get on my nerves about not responding to you fast enough if we don’t have an established convo (quickest way to give me the ick)

Kinks:

I have a bunch, so I’m not going to write them all out. You can find a bunch of them on my page. Which you should read 😁 I probably at least kind like whatever you’re thinking about, so feel free to ask:)

It’s important to know that “why” is my favorite question. If I ask you why you like something it’s bcs I think the why is hotter than the actual thing. I don’t do it constantly, but if it bothers you then you won’t like me lol

Limits:

Being pissed on (sorry guys), underage anything(I did not exist until the day I turned 18 in kink context), guns, actual sedation, broken bones, stabbing, (plastic) surgery, shit, vomit, literally anything that has to do with food (food control, sitting, gaining/losing weight), heavy degradation, snakes and worms, vore, packophilia, thinking aftercare is a kink, emotional abuse, farts, pregnancy (breeding is ok tho!)

Alcohol in ANY way (in love w weed tho)

While I enjoy a lot of aspects of CNC I do not love the word rape

Findom of any kind will never be ok with me, but if people want to send me money just because they like me I’ll accept it :p

I try to be organized with my tags but I’m not the best

[saltedcoffeee]

You can see in the prologue, it's a much more toned down version than the asshole he's playing in trial 2. He said damn ONCE, was tired of introductions, doesn't like speaking to ppl, wants to be in bed, etc. Trial 2, he's cursing like a sailor, disrespecting the dead, and saying remarks to the cast he cannot take back. It's partially the real him, but he's upping the ante by 100

"Is that you wanted to hear?" and "Does hearing that make you happy?"

He's flat out confirming this isn't the true him, and they're still believing him ;-;

THİS op u r so right. just double checking his past mini outbursts (even the one he has in the trial BEFORE the whole breakdown thing) makes it so painfully obvious hes forcing the asshole persona. its not fun for him either lmao hes trying to speedrun the trial to its bad end n its WORKİNG.

i think what i meant w that tag is that all the cussing/speaking patterns r different from what we were introduced to as being "the real him" which is just. to shorten it down some sad fucking guy who doesnt wanna bother w anything. oh n that makes me think he was being honest w the "fake" secret he revealed abt himself.

his whole schtick is rn v confusing obviously, its like he hand picks his battles in the most random of ways, but at the same time it makes sense. theres definitely an analysis to b made on what issues he actively deals w n what other things he weirdly shrugs off.

anyways all this to say the reason hes working overtime to make ppl hate him is its probably that its the route that (believe it or not) takes the least effort on his part to get this trial over. almost every big thing hes done over the course of this killing game was lazy to a fault:

hang out w n defend xander ? homosexuality easy friendship bc the guy was obsessed w him n sympathy points for later. get ppl to reveal their secrets n even tell one abt himself ? (possibly) reduces the chances of a kill -> trial -> less effort made + sympathy points for later. b nice to arei, hu n nico ? get ppl to like u n form alliances to protect urself. that last one esp can b SEEN bc hu fights for his sake more than he does lmao!

get ppl to hate you bc of ur poorly worded secret ? end the trial w a vote asap n fucking die, escaping any and all explanation ud have to provide in the off-chance u make it out.

TL;DR #1 david chiem apologist says he isnt a bad person, hes just incredibly lazy n therefore half asses decisions that eventually lead to his downfall.

[dandyshucks]

i feel like i should say something, some kind of apology or smth, idk ^^;;

i would looove to say that i won't display symptoms ever again or that i'll "do better" to keep it under control but honest to god i am doing my absolute best already, and the only way i could do better w my current state is to get medicated but that's not an option rn (this small town only has one psychiatrist and he's ... not good at what he does. sigh). i will of course continue to try very hard and keep working on things the way that i can and look for new ways of tackling the brain scaries and coping with it!

my main way i've been dealing w trying not to display symptoms publicly is just to err on the side of extreme caution and try not to post anything here that isn't strictly "i love this fictional character teehee", but sometimes i feel stifled by that rule and want to connect w ppl on more than just "yayy my bouyfriend". like i want to be Me but ,, i think Me is probably just,,, not all that great ^^;;;; so i'm thinking maybe it'd be best if i just take a step back again and go on a mostly-hiatus for a while until i get the welfare and disability stuff sorted out (but that could take. several months. so idk 😭😭) bc its been rly having a bad effect on my mental health and stability, ack !!

i also feel like i need to tell everyone that they do not Need to interact w me or respond to anything i say ever, that you should only do so if u Want to, not because u feel Obligated to, but that implies that i would ever have the power over someone to be able to "make" them feel like they have to do smth and that in itself is an egotistical thought which is "bad". so. gestures vaguely at this paragraph. i just have to sit and hope that nobody feels like they Must interact w me in any way, but i do not know how to express it without sounding dismissive or ungrateful or presumptuous or egotistical. when i say "i appreciate this!" it's just that - i appreciate it, but i do not expect it, so please don't feel pressured ever!

anyways, i appreciate the patience and kindness ppl show me (though i do not expect it dsfjkl) and i will continue trying to keep the unwell brain stuff under wraps as much as i'm able to (and i absolutely understand if ppl cannot deal w that and leave! i won't be offended!). i haven't actually said sorry in this but do know i feel badly about it and i'm trying to figure out how to fix this so it doesnt happen more, i just dont know if a "sorry" is really any use here fdsjkl

[kavzz]

[This is a pretty serious ask so very understandable if u don’t wanna answer it, but if u answer it, pls answer in character cos I’m too scared to deal w real ppl rn]

…hey Kaveh. Wolf anon is feeling pretty shit rn.

[TW for ableism against NPD]

so wolf anon was scrolling through tumblr. And she found a post about how narcissistic ppl will take advantage of ppl, manipulate, uncaring, abusive, cannot be in healthy relationships etc.

and now wolf anon is crying cos she has NPD but also tries her best to be as kind as possible out of the goodness of her heart and lots of people love her despite NPD and seeing a post like this makes her question if she’s using them.

Kaveh pls help wolf anon cos if this goes on she might not be around to send silly asks anymore. /srs

~wolf anon

//if u would rather talk about this on DMs then pls send a post so that I can see it and DM u

Being on a different end of the scale, I don't have much experience of my own, wolf anon, but I'll try to word this well. A lot of disorders tend to be demonized in many ways, take for example how Alhaitham is rumored by the people in Sumeru City as an uncaring jerk who is "awful towards me", despite having autism. Or how my clients tend to try to treat me with my own problems. But, sweetpea/p, that's just people talking about things they can't and won't understand. They have to have something or someone to hate, you know. People love to make conflict, usually at the cost of the mental health of others, that's just how people work. I'm not the best at talking about mental health, because I rarely speak publicly about my own. So if you need to/are comfortable, my DMs are always opened to you ^^ I do hope I can help, though.

[wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj]

ALSO RE: too many love songs post. smth abt me is I Get what they're saying but u can choose other artists! there's a reason I listen to so much Lucy dacus and not nearly as much like. idek who cuz id say Taylor but hey she even there u don't have to look far to find a song Abt killing a man for ur best friend. anyway the point is its bc the majority of her music is Not Abt romantic relationships! and shes like a massive mainstream artist! maybe we r lowkey also just projecting romance sometimes on songs that r Not Abt it! I'm guilty of this too!!! sometimes I'll hear a song and dislike it bc I don't care Abt another breakup/love/whatever osng and then later I'll find out it's Abt like. childhood trauma or family or what have you!!! anhyway this is coming from some1 who Cannot deal w love songs rn so I Get It . that wasnt coherent I think it was just a lucy dacus ad. anyway unrelated note if u listen to enough punk all ur music is Abt politics so there's that. maybe ur just listening to the wrong genre,

!! yeag ! i feel you dude. for all the over saturation of love songs in music theres still so much music that isnt about love that if you looked or even thought for a second you could find so so much like people are complex ? youre so right abt assuming a song is about romance when it isnt i think we’ve talked abt this with centuries !!! we’re so caught up in this amatonormative precedent that we already assume romance, plus also theres the thing where ppl purposefully write songs with language that is reminiscent to that of those abt relationships.. seriously if one were to listen to more Plus listen harder n like outside of the singles on the top 40 hits n theres so much possibility (though even the top 40 isnt 100% love songs either like as u said even tswizzle has other stuff to talk abt some times.)

n like i think « this artist has a lot of songs that aren’t about love » literally applies to so many ppl bc surprise love isnt the only thing artists can or want to talk about. half of fababoi’s stuff is like wow fame fucks people up and growing up and older is a curse. paramore’s all like the world sucks and i may or may not be coping well abt it. etc. like even mika, with whom i associate alot w love songs bc like its one of the things that’s important to him and his music and he emphasizes it a lot, still has so many songs that arent abt romance or sex or even other kinds of love because surprise surprise complexity of the human condition. so its almost redundant to say it ?? like of course there are people where a vast majority of their stuff is abt love but still . idk thats my hot take.

[ultrvmonogamy]

Hi, I hope you're doing okay despite how crazy the anons are lately. If it does get too much for a moment you could always disable anon asks, these kind of people usually don't dare to lie upright when it leads back to them.

As an aside, when you're a woman in kink spaces, especially a younger one (I'd say 18 to 20), you realise just how many predators there are. I'm not even super active and I had to block hundreds of them. It's vile. I once threw up when I caught someone I casually talked to interacting sexually with minors.

It's extremely gross that such a real issue is twisted and manipulated to bring harassment to someone who, as far as I know (social media oblige, we don't know each other), has never done this type of things. There's not even a screenshot of the very specific thing they accuse you of. They only base themselves on the posts that involve kinks that many sane people share and can enjoy healthily between consenting adults.

Whether they believe you actually did this based on nothing or if they're a disgusting troll, they fucking suck. I hope they'll be ashamed of themselves. Instrumentalizing crimes this way is scum behaviour. It's a spit in the face to all the victims as well.

I hope everything will improve from there for you.

(also you don't have to answer or post that. I just wanted to offer a bit of support.)

hi, thank you, i am doing not only okay but quite well at this point, which i attribute in large part to the many kind folk such as urself who've reached out w support publicly, privately, anonymously, and otherwise.

u are undoubtedly right abt ppl not being so inclined to lie without hiding in the shadows, and i appreciate your suggestion but am not going to turn off anon (at least not rn). i'm not concerned abt what stupid ppl say to me directly, and i do appreciate the anonymous support. the good stuff is still good, and the bad stuff is potentially supportive evidence or clues to ppl's identities n motives.

hundreds?? holy hell that's awful. i knew it was bad but evidently haven't quite grokked the scope of it. i'm v sry u've had to deal w that. vile sounds like quite the appropriate (if insufficient) word.

there cannot be screenshots of things that didn't happen (at least not real ones which, well, the way things r going who knows what surprises might lie ahead), but it turns out that for many ppl these days it's a matter of guilty until proven innocent--or, if not guilty, punished and ostracized just in case. "someone told me that someone said that someone knows he did this thing" is somehow all that's required. unfortunately, as the claims diversify there's not a whole lot i can do towards the end of proving what i haven't done, but i know damn well where my intentions are and have been, and i know what i find appealing vs what i find repulsive. and i find it extremely disingenuous that not a single person making claims abt me has been willing to have a direct conversation w me abt what exactly they believe i've done even though i've repeatedly invited that in good faith.

yeah, i agree. i'm p sure that i said in one of my recent responses that the ppl doing this are either willfully malicious or r being incredibly irresponsible and are in reality making themselves complicit in the acts they claim to oppose. i cannot emphasize the extent to which i agree that it's a spit in the face of actual victims. i know this firsthand.

thank u bestie. i think it's probably all making me better at maintaining my own center n shrugging off even the most disgusting ridicule. and there's no question it's taught me a lot abt ppl, which is especially valuable to me bc socially i am a v v late bloomer. i'd prefer for this to all go away ofc, but i expect i'll be dealing w fragments of it for quite a while. kinda like being glitter bombed only different :)

(i wanted to respond bc i'm grateful for your very thoughtful, supportive, and sane message. you're good ppl and deserve to know you're effort is deeply appreciated.)

[saetoru]

No but tee ur so right about the struggle to move on from sumeru. Like I’ve already played the whole archon quest to avoid getting spoiled and it’s been pretty good so far. But everything about sumeru and its story/character building was just so top-notch that Fontaine falls a little flat in comparison. *Mild spoilers warning* like the traveler meets focalors and I was just immediately hit with this immense longing to see nahida again. Like no archon will ever be nahida!!! She’s truly the peoples archon!!!!

And they’re definitely trying to set up a big mystery in the plot but for whatever reason even though the stakes seem like they’re supposed to be higher it just doesn’t hit with the same intensity as all of the absolutely insane shit the akademiya had going on. *Mild spoilers again* It probably has to do with the fact that it’s in relation to the people of Fontaine specifically and the traveler cannot be affected. Like it just doesn’t feel as personal. And given that it doesn’t feel as personal, there’s also not as much room for close character bonds to develop over a shared sense of urgency.

Sorry tee this ended up being a really long ramble but yeah ur so right ur feelings are so valid Fontaine just isn’t the same (at least rn) and I miss sumeru sm too

i think out of all the nations sumeru was my fav (altho the cultural representation aspects made me a bit upset) bc the story objectively was the most intriguing in this one but ALSO !! just the way the characters relationships were all built and connected was just rly nice and special to me. like even tho u hardly see much of candace she means the world to dehya and dehya means a good deal to everyone in sumeru city so like when candace comes to visit she’s still not rly out of place !! and it’s like 🥹 everyone is just connected to everyone and it’s a big family 🥹 and nahidas the mostttt endearing archon i think her story was my favorite but also her relationship with lumine was just more special than the other archons. i think the only other nation where everyone is close to being family like this is mondstadt with like kaeya and amber and eula and jean and klee—they’ve all had history in the knights and as kids so they’re all endearing too and that’s also !! why leaving mondstadt made me so upset !! and why i revisit so frequently just for the heck of it :,) and i think venti also has a slightly cuter relationship w lumine but idk like zhongli and raiden are lovely i liked them but they didn’t have that. idk. ig friendship that nahida had with traveler AND ALSO nahida tries so hard to rly connect w the ppl in sumeru she’s just the best archon i love love love her.

but i loved sumeru’s plot the most i think mondstadt was a bit boring until diluc showed up (lol) and liyue was fun but also a little less exciting and inazuma had so much potential but it was longgggg and tedious and also the miko training thing TOOK ME OUT. but sumeru was so fun and i enjoyed it thoroughly AND IDK IF ANYTHING WILL BEAT IT even the limited events in sumeru were so good sobs i AM RLY SAD WE ARE LEAVING. and also sumeru story quests are all my favs. dehyas was amazing and cynos was too and so was al haithams and i loved nahidas w the lore drops and even tighnaris had me emotional

i think i just have a bias LOL

but anyway I WILL FINALLY PLAY THE NEW QUEST just because i don’t wanna be spoiled so i might as well get it out the way BUT i’m glad someone shares the sentiment with me 🥹 sumeru will always be the best nation to me :,)

[webslingingslasher]

“hey, i might not wait til marriage but you are and that's fucking cool”🥹🥹🥹 this is so cute and made me feel so good AHHH <3

okay I need to SPILL.

first I wanna say i know this isn’t a big deal and when I eventually talk to him about it, he’ll be reassuring but I’m freaking out first and i wanna talk to the girlies first instead, but I do feel like I can tell him (bc if u can’t talk ab these things w someone, you shouldn’t have sex w them in the first place)

but bro I am FREAKING out HDNDNDND. we’ve been looking at rings. he hasn’t proposed because he said he still wants me to be surprised and stuff but we got carried away talking one night and he let it slip that he wants to marry me and somehow we started looking at rings. we went to a couple shops just to get general ideas bc I have no idea what I want!!

ANYWAYS. I was super excited and I had a full blown freak out earlier😀 I’ve been waiting til marriage my whole life (I’m 23) but he hasn’t, he had multiple sexual partners in high school and college and a couple before he met me. I was just thinking ab our future wedding night bc it’s getting super real now and I don’t think it’ll be that far in the future and I was like omfg. this whole wait and it’ll be over in one night. like “that’s so exciting, FINALLY” type thing bc the wait has been hard😭 I’m just a girl and he’s soodkdjdkskskksskso sexy😭

and then I was like…. It’s all over in one night

and I was like, wait. I’m a virgin virgin. he isn’t. even just fingering/head (which I literally cannot WAIT for😭) is gonna be new bc I’ve never had another guys fingers in me and whatever. and I’m not nervous at all, I’m so excited, I’ve waited so long as u can imagine JDJDKDK but I was like realistically, it’ll probably be overwhelming. and then ur meant to do everything in one go? even in most ‘normal’ relationships where people aren’t waiting till marriage, you don’t usually go from 0-100 in a single night😭 that’s kinda insane. like ‘oh you’ve only kissed a boy? well here is literally everything under the sun!”

and I think I just realised today, for the first time, that maybe that wont realistically be what I want. like doing some things and then the rest after. like we’re gonna be married forever (that’s the plan😭) so we have all this time to go it yk. not that I’d necessarily wanna wait super long after we’re married, but I just feel kinda… bad. like, he’s waited this whole time, just for me. imagine we get married and he’s super excited to finally get to hit and in like “actually……..🤣”

idk. I just feel a little alone because even the religious/non-religious ppl I know (who decided to wait just because), none of them felt this way. they were so ready to just jump in and start boning (as they should bc the wait hasn’t been easy😭) but idk I feel… idk. I feel like that might not be me, like I feel like I might need a little more time just to get used to like, everything in reality yk. bc it’s all fun and games saying it rn but I realised earlier, when I started really thinking about it, that I haven’t done anything and realistically, even ppl that don’t wsit need more time yk.

he obviously won’t make me feel bad for this either, he’s not a monster & he’s very understanding but I’m just spiralling.

this might not even be a problem, realistically the second we’re married I might not even make it to the after party and just be like “dick in me now pls” but… ifkdjdjddjdjw

I’m thinking too much lol. I’ve waited 23 years and it’s so real now that my mind is spinning. I’m sorry for the ramble but thank u for listening & for the girlie talk JDJDJDX💗💗💗💗💗💗 i love u so much

(I am sooo ready to get married tho😭💗)

i am so happy for you both!!! i really wish you the best of luck!

i think him being experianced will help out so much in the long run, but girl, there's nothing to worry about! if he's waited this long, what's a little more? like you said, you may change your mind but you said you wanted to wait until marriage. so i'm with you, why does it have to be your wedding night?

it sounds like he's going at your pace and he's in no rush to bed you either. you already know you're gonna talk to him about this so kudos! and coming from me, it sounds like you're ready for sex and that's awesome.

you're excited and that's the most important. (after loving and trusting your man.) trust me, it'll be worth the wait and i can't wait to hear about the proposal!

[blackvail22]

i cannot help but become irritated when im near her. i know that is a toxic thing to say; i know its unhealthy for me. it just... happens

i tried to have a good day today because i was going out with my sister and b-i-l for my birthday and eating later with my whole immediate family. i did have fun! we bowled for 2hrs, went to a japanese bakery and got my birthday cake n some more treats, and i went to get milk tea.

everything was fine until i was near my mom.

i dont know what it is about her, but whenever im away from her for hours n i come back home, it just.... i just get so irritated.

i try to not talk so i dont get her irritated, but that always makes her go "aww, is someone mad?" or "why are you so pissed off for no reason" or gives me a look that shows shes seeing red.

on the way home from dinner, my parents were talking about a house that someone moved out of; they each gave different addresses for the house. my mom *insisted* she was correct, and--even though my dad literally said he may be wrong n doesnt rlly care abt the address--kept arguing that my dad was wrong and upset.

one thing abt my mom that i despise: EVERY SINGLE TIME you "irritate her soul" she will rant abt how much she hates you and at the end WITHOUT FAIL says "fucking trash bag bitch". what comes after that depends on the person... for me she'll say "fucking trash bag bitch, youre so fucking [r slur]" and for my dad she'll say "fucking trash bag bitch, child molesting mother fucker". there is one thats universal though which is "fucking trash bag bitch, i hope you fucking die"

oh! another thing abt that, SHE WILL LITERALLY SAY THAT ABT RANDOM PPL SHE SEES ON THE STREET AND ARE MINDING THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS

anyway, back to my story! while she was arguing w my dad (after telling me theyre not arguing) she said her signature line i stated above.

my dad went into the gas station after she said that to him and heres where i come in!

she was ranting to me "your dad get so upset over every little thing"

i said "well, you do that too"

she said "no he's just mad cuz he's wrong....he never fucking listens..."

*dad comes back to the car with 3 cigarette packs instead of 2 (my dad went into the gas station 4 my mom)*

"...again, he never fucking listens! he just hears what he wants to hear"

"yeah, i dont rlly want to listen to you rn. plus, all you said was 'cigarettes' you didnt say an amount"

"yes i did! i said '2 cigarettes'"

me: "no u only said 'cigarettes'"

mom: "dad, why are you mad?"

"because you keep going on abt something that doesnt matter to me!"

"no, its because youre wrong. youre all mad because youre wrong"

"no im not!"

*i look at the house through maps and tell them the correct address*

mom: "[my first name] shut the fuck up before you become homeless because youre getting real close"

dad: "stop fucking saying that! youre not kicking my daughter outm regardless, shes never gonna be fucking homeless"

*we get home*

dad: "i forgot to get smth to drink because of you"

mom: "yeah, you can get one of those little bottles [of alcohol] like you do every night" (my dad is a recovered alcoholic)

i told her she was irritating 🧍

she said "move tf out then"

i said "im trying to" (because i am)

im sitting in my room now wanting to scream, cry, fight. i feel so fucking .... tense. i feel tense. im so tired of having to deal with my mom. as much as living w a man by myself (even my dad) scared tf out of me, im so tempted to move into his tiny ass apartment and sleep in the living room. i cant live her anymore!!!

me n my friend have been talking abt getting an apartment/go apartment searching after i recover from my procedure that im having next week.

i need to room w her. i need to live w someone that doesnt fucking hate me! i need to save up every paycheck im having. even tho i go on a vacation end-october, im moving out and im going low-contact w my mom. i cannot deal w her anymore. i will get my license in a month/month-half time. im determined. i need to do anything to get away from her

[bellamygateoldblog]

idk i feel like everyone would be so much happier if u just minded ur business and let ppl get on with who they are

[wingedbeings]

hi ok mor tjings 2 say actualy sory i am incapablenof shuttign up <3

[ftm-radio]

a plus-sized trans masc's review of various chest containment methods*

*as you can guess from the title, this post will be discussing the chest area, so if this subject & related terminology is discomforting to you, please skip this post & I hope you have a good day 👍🏻

Okay, so I have 4 methods that I bounce between for dealing with my chest and existing as a pre-op trans guy. I'm gonna write a bit about each one, and I have photos of how my chest looks with all four (clothed, ofc) that I will put under the cut for both self conscious reasons and to be considerate for those who'd rather not see them. idk.

oh & quick disclaimer, this post is absolutely not meant to bash any particular binding method or ppl who use those methods, or ppl who don't bind! no one method is superior, some just work better for one person than another bc everybody's different and all that. just tryna share my experiences to maybe help out other folks like me. ✌🏻

Sorry in advance, I'm sure this is gonna be a long post.

Method #1: No Containment

Pros—

easy

free

may be passable as moobs with enough layering ?

Cons—

underboob sweat at 100% strength

chafing

oh god they move so much, why, please don't, i hate this

Wearing just a shirt with nothing else under it is a great feeling at times, but that's generally short-lived and it's not very comfortable in the long run, especially if I'm being active and moving around. Feeling my chest wiggle and jiggle and move around is just so gross to me, so I usually avoid this method.

Method #2: Compression Top (Tomboy X)

Pros—

pretty comfy for everyday wear

prevents the worst of the wiggles

can exercise in it

could probably sleep in it if I wanted to

Cons—

basically just a sports bra tbh

mine is uh.. ~2 years old & pretty worn, probs doesn't "compress" much anymore 😅

heard that this particular company has done some yikes things?? so I'm not super keen on purchasing anything else from them (I don't have details & don't feel like looking them up rn, just mentioning it so you can look it up yourselves if you want)

This is my go-to method for when I'm just hangin out around the house (which is basically every day). just wake up, yank on the compression top, and then I don't have to think about it until the end of the day! I actually got this as a baby-step to using an actual binder bc I was a little anxious about it lol.

Method #3: Full Tank Binder (gc2b)

Pros—

flat chest

full tank contains everything better than a half tank

ngl I appreciate the fact that it kinda helps contain my stomach fat too bc I am ~☆~insecure~☆~ (but working on it)

Cons—

tbh I think my binder is too big specifically in the chest area so it doesn't compress & hold everything in place for very long, esp if im moving around, but I can't size down any smaller bc that's unsafe

the bottom edge of the binding panel makes it pretty uncomfortable to sit & just makes my stomach look weird

can't exercise or sleep in it

can only wear for 8 hours at a time, max

I loved my binders when I first got them, and wore them almost daily, even around the house, because I felt good & happy in them. after a while, though, the constant need to readjust my chest & having to keep checking to make sure it looked alright kinda wore me down and I got tired of it. going to the grocery store and feeling my chest shift around in my binder and being unable to fix it is just not a good time. :(

Method #4: Trans Tape

Pros—

comfortable! (long as you put it on right 😅)

my tiddies are SECURE they are not going ANYWHERE, I can bend over to pull the laundry out of the dryer with no problem, gravity cannot emotionally damage me anymore <3

I feel like I can move and do stuff and be confident w/o having to waste any time or energy thinking about my chest

my chest is approx a C-cup? (and I'm fat) so the tape definitely doesn't flatten me out but it masculinizes the shape of my chest in a way I'm happy & comfy with! yeah i have a chest but it def doesnt look like girl boobs!! I just look like a fat guy! which I am! so I'm cool with it!! hell yeah!

can wear for days at a time (recommended is 5)

can sleep, shower, & exercise in it

no worries about rib damage/breathing problems

when I hug my mom I actually feel it in the middle of my chest

Cons—

can't reuse tape so gotta buy more to keep using it (~20 bucks a roll with shipping iirc?)

there is a learning curve!! first couple times suck & it can be discouraging (I gave up a couple times) and I'm definitely still learning myself how to use this stuff

physically kinda difficult to put on, it's a bit of a workout for me

itchy (especially if you overstretch the tape, try not to do that)

what goes on must come off 🥲 and removal is kind of a pain in the ass because oil is messy and you really have to give it enough time to soak

need to be patient & careful so skin doesn't get damaged in removal

if you damage your skin you have to give it time to heal, no taping for a while

I am quite new to trans tape, literally this is only my third time wearing it as I write this. My first two attempts were pretty rough (application and removal) but I'm starting to get the hang of it and it's becoming less of an Ordeal as I get used to it. there are definitely some less than ideal factors to keep in mind with using this method, but I've found that for me, the positives vastly outweigh the negatives. when I get better at using this, I plan to make it my primary containment method. I know a lot of folks say that using trans tape just doesn't work at all for bigger folks & bigger-chested folks, but that's not necessarily true. I'm proof.

Alright, that's all I've got!

I dont wanna make this a horribly long post, so I'm sure I missed some things but idk this is the gist of it. If you read all of this, I hope you got something from it (or at least don't feel like it was a huge waste of time....) and I hope you have a good rest of your day!

It's totally okay to reblog/reply/interact with this post, just, y'know, have common sense and don't be a jerk!

As I said before, I have photos under the cut to give you a visual for how these different methods look on me & how they might look for you if you're anything like me. Please do not be rude or creepy or gross, alright? alright.

Method #1: No Containment

...........yeah this is what I'm working with, let's just move on and pretend we didn't see this, please & thanks

Method #2: Compression Top (Tomboy X)

comfy & fine for everyday use but I don't love the look. still looks and feels like a feminine chest shape.

Method #3: gc2b Full Tank Binder

flattest results, looks pretty good, but only lasts about five minutes before the tiddies start their constant migration and it gets uncomfy and I have to adjust everything :/

Method #4: Trans Tape

not as flat as I get with a binder, but the goal with trans tape is a more masculine shape to the chest, not flatness, and I think im starting to achieve that even as a noob! my results will probably get even better as I get more familiar with it, but this is already my fave method by far

bonus photo because wearing trans tape makes me happy and i was feelin good:

That's the end-end of the post, so I will once again request that you do not make any rude or nasty comments about me & my body. thanks!