#I can't sleep without knowing the answer to this one
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junkissed · 1 day ago
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monster
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member — incubus!cheol x f reader genre — smut, supernatural (demon), pwp word count — 2.2k synopsis — who said you aren't allowed to fuck your sleep paralysis demon? warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, monster cock!cheol, mean dom!cheol, masturbation (reader), messy blowjob, rough throat fucking, throat bulge kink, choking/breathplay, dacryphilia, some degredation and praise, a little humiliation, throat training (kinda), cum in mouth, sooooo much cum, cheol is a demon both metaphorically and literally, cheol has a tail and uses it for kinky purposes, objectification (of reader), nicknames (darling, sweetheart, slut, good girl, toy, etc.), implied established relationship ? (this is not their first time together) notes — thanks to @multi-kpop-fanfics @kwanisms for help brainstorming the demon part and @cheolism @onlymingyus @beomcoups for proofreading !! i really wanted to put out one more spooky fic before december hehe. if you enjoyed this fic, please remember to reblog!! it's super important for sharing my work and it lets me know this is something people wanna see more of :)
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“darling, now what did i tell you about touching yourself without me?”
you startle at the sudden low voice whispering in your ear, and your cheeks grow hot as you sit up straighter on the bed. your skin prickles with the sudden feeling of being watched, tingling almost in excitement. 
you already know who it is even before his figure fades into visibility. his face still obscured in shadow and your room is dark, illuminated by nothing but the faint gleam of the moon shining in through your window. even so, you know his piercing eyes can see through the dark when yours can't. 
he looks different each time he arrives. sometimes it’s the long blond hair, slicked back with gel and a single strand falling across his forehead. sometimes it’s the black hair, shaved close on the sides with half of it tied back in a bun. but the red that he wears tonight has always been your favorite: a bright, unnaturally glowing shade that seems to match his fiery personality.
that’s how he appears to you now, dressed in his usual purple suit, the deep neckline showing off the muscles in his broad chest and his tail curled in a relaxed coil around his leg. a thick silver chain hangs around his neck and instinctively you shiver at the sight of it, the memory of it seared into your skin from all the times he's held you down rough and fast and let it drag across your back, just the way you like it.
“you were expecting me, weren’t you?” he murmurs. his voice is warm and deep like a pool of water, and each time you hear it, it only makes you want to jump deeper and deeper into him.
“m-maybe,” you manage breathlessly, though both of you know it’s so obviously a lie.
he laughs, but his tone isn’t humorous. you can practically see the smirk in his voice even without being able to see his face. “of course you were. or else you wouldn’t be sitting there, soaking through your panties and thinking about me like the depraved little slut you are. isn’t that right, sweetheart?” 
the bedroom suddenly brightens with a warm orange glow, as if lit by a candle, except there's nothing there. cheol finally steps out of the shadows, allowing you to see all of him. the look on his face radiates condescension, yet it only makes the heat between your legs burn hotter. 
you don't give him an answer to his question, and he doesn't pry for one. that's how this usually goes; you both know exactly what the other is here for anyway. once you're sure he's watching, you slowly pull your fingers from your cunt and keep your legs spread to reveal your glistening, sticky arousal that he loves so much, and that's enough of an answer to keep him satisfied for now. he doesn't react, but you can tell he's enjoying the sight from the way his eyes begin to glow a deep, hungry red.
you get up off the bed and start to move towards him, but he vanishes. a laugh sounds from behind you, and you whip around to see him sitting where you had been on the bed.
cheol spreads his thighs apart, leaning back against the headboard of your bed, and you take it as an invitation to move back towards him. you're already starting to feel the neediness returning, the empty feeling only heightened by his presence.
you try to sit down but his hand catches your arm, wrapped around your wrist to keep you at a distance.
“ah ah ah,” he scolds, holding back a laugh at your pout of confusion. “you already had your turn. if you behave for me, then i might consider giving you something in return.”
you nod quickly, and he smirks, directing you to kneel between his thighs instead. “mm… my good girl, always so eager.” 
he leans closer to you and fists his hand through your hair, his fingers tangling in your hair to pull you up and force your head to be level with his. he whispers against your cheek and it raises goosebumps on your skin, his eyes dark and narrowed as he bares his teeth with a grin. “i think you might just be one of my favorites, you know? such a cute little thing you are.”
he lets go of your hair and you reposition yourself to lay as comfortably as you can, now face to face with his cock as he pushes away his pants. you may be one of his favorites, but he's also one of yours. the first time he appeared was the last time you slept with a human man, and as long as you have him you'll never want to again. there's no desire for the mediocre hookups of the past when you have the devil's right hand man using his hands on you. seungcheol fits in all the right places, in all the right ways, and each time with him is even more satisfying than the last.
you tentatively wrap your hand around the base of his cock, trying to guide him into your mouth. this part never gets easier on you, but it's well worth it for the pleasure he gives you in return. 
“relax, sweetheart,” he coos as you slide your lips further down. “you're so tense. you want to take it all, don't you? breathe through your nose, you know the drill.”
to anyone else his words might sound kind, but you know the way he's teasing you is anything but kind. you whimper and try to follow his direction, forcing your jaw to go slack as you try to fit more down your throat. slowly but surely you manage to take him into your mouth, but your lips still only reach halfway down his length.
he pushes his hips up into your mouth once he's given you a moment to adjust, an experimental thrust to see if you're ready. you choke a little and let out a gagging sound, your eyes instantly starting to water as he hits the back of your throat. but you don't tell him to stop, and he doesn't stop.
you keep trying to relax your jaw, letting the length of his cock slide against your tongue with wet, messy noises.
cheol's tail wraps itself around your neck and you stifle a strangled gasp in surprise. his cock is so far down your throat it’s already almost hard to breathe, but the added pressure as he chokes you makes it even harder. you're lightheaded from the feeling but not enough to hurt, teetering on the line between pleasure and pain. 
“you look absolutely pathetic, darling,” he says, a low groan rumbling deep in his chest. “so gorgeous.”
your arms are shaking from holding yourself up on your elbows, but his praise is what keeps you going, choking back a whimper as you take his cock further down your throat. your vision blurs around the edges, but you can feel the spit dribbling from your mouth as it runs down his length. he makes it impossible to focus on anything besides the bruising pace of his cock.
cheol coos in fake sympathy, his tail coiling just a little tighter around your neck. “aw, poor thing. is it too difficult for you, sweetheart? you're trying so hard to be good for me. just relax.”
at this angle he can't see it, but he can feel the way your throat bulges around his length. he can feel the ridges of your throat tightening around his cock with each labored breath you take, barely enough room to allow air into your lungs. if you were in a different position he'd be able to see the faint outline of his cock stretching your throat, expanding and contracting as you struggle to meet his thrusts.
“you're loving this, aren't you? i can tell. i can smell it.” he inhales deeply through his nostrils, as if to prove his point. “ahh. like cinnamon, and… peaches. i can practically taste you from here, my darling. so sweet…”
if your mouth weren't so full and you could speak properly right now, you'd probably be whining seungcheol's name and begging for more. no matter how many times he tells you to forget him, he always ends up back in your bed like this. maybe he really does have a favorite.
he groans and rolls his neck back, his skin flushed red as he looks down at you. fuck, what a sight: your pretty little ass up in the air and your lips stretched around him, looking up at him with pleading eyes filled with tears.
cheol lets out another laugh, his voice just a little strained as he teases you. “if you hadn't already soaked through your cute little panties before i got here, then i'd bet they definitely are by now.”
you choke a little around him, caught off guard by his words, but he's not wrong. you wiggle your hips involuntarily, trying your best to hold still but it's hard to stay focused. your head is fuzzy and your senses are overwhelmed, your throat burning with friction both inside and out.
your grip starts to loosen around the base of his cock but seungcheol just tsks and repeats your name, his tail squeezing once to get your attention. “use your hands, darling, you have them for a reason. now just stay still, relax for me.” he flashes you a grin. “don't want to hurt my favorite toy, of course.”
his thrusts into your mouth grow more hurried, shoving his cock down your throat faster and sloppier with each snap of his hips. the force of his movements is unnaturally strong, and although you know by now that he's right on the edge, he barely looks like he's breaking a sweat. 
he finally releases with a deep groan, spilling down your throat and flooding your mouth. his thrusts don't stop, only slowing down a fraction as he tilts his head back, letting out another satisfied moan.
you know better than to stop without cheol's permission, so you hold your head in place and try to keep up with him. your eyes are brimming with tears as you struggle not to choke, and finally the hot, wet drops spill over and roll down your cheeks from the intense amount of energy it's taking to stay still.
all you can do is focus again on breathing through your nose and swallowing all of his cum that you can. unlike other men you've been with, you're not repulsed by the taste of him, and swallowing would be easy if there weren't so much of it. even when he should be finished he still keeps going, his tip pulsating against your tongue with each spurt.
just when you think you can't hold it any longer, the pressure on your neck suddenly releases and seungcheol uncurls his tail from around your neck. you pull your head away from his cock, gasping and stuttering, and you vaguely register cheol's fingers beneath your chin to support your head, your jaw aching from being held stretched open for so long. 
“mm, there you go. deep breaths, now.”
seungcheol chuckles as if he’s pleased at the sight of you. his tail lifts to wipe the tears from your cheeks, then some of the drool and spit and cum from the corner of your mouth, and you exhale a shallow, shaky breath.
“are you done for tonight? or…” he hums once he's given you a moment to recover, but although his words are kind again, there's no sympathy in his tone. he caresses your cheek gently with his thumb, his crimson red eyes sparkling as he looks down at you.
“… you think you can take more?”
your eyes are heavy and lidded, feeling like all your energy has been zapped from you, but somehow you're still insatiable. there's an itch that you can never quite scratch, feelings that only seungcheol can make you feel, and the promise of that satisfaction is enough to keep you sated and happy for decades.
“more,” you stammer, still catching your breath, but your eyes are fixed on his. “p-please, i can take it.”
cheol's smile widens, revealing his gleaming white teeth, although he'd already known what your answer would be. “oh, i know you can. such an obedient thing you are, always so ready to please and be pleased. you want more, hm?”
you nods quickly as you can manage, your neck still aching a little. that's how he always leaves you: a ruined mess, exhausted and sore, yet you'd still jump on the chance for another round if he offered. and he always does.
before you can blink he flips you onto your back, disappearing almost like magic and reappearing at the end of the bed to kneel between your legs. his thick cock rests against your stomach, still just as hard as before, and the weight of him on top of you already has you shivering with excitement.
“you’ve been such a good girl for me, darling. i think you deserve a little reward for taking my cock so well.” he grins as he traces his fingers down your body, his hands finding your hips as his grip tightens. “you get to take it again.”
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nightxcreature · 1 day ago
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Do You Wanna Touch Me?
18+ ONLY
Summary: Part Two to Hotblooded, Reader can't help herself. She needs Dean anyway she can get him.
Warnings: Smut, Masturbation, Spice, Dirty Talk
Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader
A/N: wow. I did not expect that last one to get so much love and attention! Thank you all for being so kind! This is only my second ? time writing smut, so I hope it meets your expectations. I may keep this one going for at least one more part if you guys are interested. :) As always, comments, reblogs, and likes are always appreciated!
do not copy and share my work anywhere, you don't have permission.
I had been trying to fall asleep for hours now, and yet here I lay, half naked and clinging to a pillow for dear life. The ingredients in my drink from earlier were still running their course through my system and had left me panting at the mere thought of Dean. I’d rid myself of my T-shirt before Sam had even left my room, heat emanating from my body at a rapid pace. Sam had awkwardly averted his gaze before locking me in and reminding me that I should feel better after I rest. And yet even hours later, I feel like I’ll die if I don’t see Dean soon, speak to him, touch him…
                I groan as I shift to snag my phone from the nightstand, my hips rolling deliciously against the pillow below me. Feral thoughts of the hunter a few doors down rack my brain and I quickly pull up his contact before pressing the call button. His ringtone echoes down the hall from where I assume he is in the library before he answers.
                “Hey, Darlin’,” His voice alone causes my heart to race, a gasp leaving my lips, “Are you okay?”
                I shuffle to straddle the pillow below me as he speaks, the worry for me in his voice sending me into a frenzy, “No. I need you.” I practically cry into the speaker, “Need you so bad.”
                He sighs deeply and I can hear papers shuffling in the background, “You should be asleep, Sweetheart.”
                “Can’t sleep.” I mumble, rolling my hips against the pillow as he speaks, “Can only think about you. I don’t think I’ll think of anything else ever again.”
                “I’m trying to find something to help make it easier for you, I’m sorry.” He whispers, papers shuffling again, “I promise, it’s got to wear off eventually.”
                I let out a frustrated sound, my bottom lip jutting out as I whine, “I’m going to die in here! I’m going to die from needing you so bad and you wont even come in here to help me.”
                “I can’t come help you, Baby. It’s not you that’s asking for this.” He whispers and I can hear the frustration in his voice. One part of me is yelling for me to shut up, to hang up the phone and go to bed, try to somehow go to sleep and forget this ever happened…but the other part of me is ravenous, feral for the man on the other end of the line, and she is not going to lose this battle without a fight.
                “It’s your job to help people, Dean.” I cry out, a low blow I know, but the desperation coursing through my veins won’t let up, “Are you really going to leave me here like this?”
                “Don’t do that.” He growls out, “I told you before that we could talk about this when you’re not drunk off some god-level fuck juice. I want to talk about this. I do want to help you, but I won’t go in that room.”
                His take-no-shit tone goes straight to my core, which I know is the exact opposite of what he’s looking for, but I can’t stop imagining the firm look on his face as he scolds me. My hips roll quicker, a ravenous feeling overtaking my thoughts, “Please keep talking.” I whisper as my eyes close. I hear his breathing hitch, but he doesn’t speak for a moment, and I bite my lip nervously. Did I make him upset? I don’t think I can live with myself if he’s upset with me, “I’m sorry, I didn’t-.”
                “Don’t apologize.” He cuts me off quickly, “What are you doing?”
                Embarrassment should flood my system, but the idea of being caught getting off to his voice just spurs me on. I lift off the pillow to roll my shorts down my legs and then position myself over it again, “What do you think I’m doing?” I whisper seductively into the speaker. Hoping, practically praying, that he knows and he’ll throw whatever righteousness he has left out the window to come help me reach my goal. Sweat pours down my forehead and a heaviness sits in my hips, I rut against the pillow again to try and alleviate the feeling, a small moan leaving my lips as I do.
                The rough sound of his chair sliding across the library floor and his heavy boots thudding as he walks stills me. I sit with bated breath listening to the sound through the phone, waiting to hear him outside my door, “Where are you going?”
                I hear him chuckle quietly before his voice finally graces my ear again, “Where do you think I’m going?” I hear his boots come to a stop, but no sound comes from the hallway in front of my room.
                I groan in frustration, rutting against the pillow isn’t bringing the amount of relief that my body needs and the thought of Dean not being here to help me brings a sinking feeling in my stomach, “Where are you?”
                A door clicks closed on his end before he speaks, “What are you wearing?” He whispers gruffly, sending a shock to my core. I stay quiet for a moment before he whispers a bit softer, “You told me to keep talking. I won’t come in that room with you, but I am going to help you. Now, what are you wearing?”
                Though he can’t see me, I nod quickly and glance down to my torso. Thankful for the black lace panty set cladding my body so I don’t have to lie…I don’t think I could lie to him right now, “My underwear.” I whisper, holding my breath while I wait for him to speak again, “It’s black and lacy and I think you’d really like it.”
                He groans quietly and I can hear him lay down on what I assume is his own bed, “I’d like to see that.”
                “Come here and you can.” My breathing is heavy, anticipation building throughout me as I beg him, “Please.”
                “Please? You gonna beg me, Sweetheart?” He whispers lowly, the teasing tone spurs me on and I roll my hips against the pillow again, moaning louder as I do. I hear him suck in a breath before he continues, “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
“Touch me. Please, touch me.” I cry out, “I need you all over me.”
                He chuckles darkly, “I can’t right now, can I? But, you can.”
 At his words my hips stutter, I glance down at the pillow as I slide back toward my headboard, “You want me to…”
“Touch yourself, Baby. Where do you want my hands?” His voice is low as he instructs me and I dust the hand not holding my phone across my chest as I listen to his breathing, “Where do you want me to touch you?”
 “Everywhere. My chest, my legs, my….” I gasp as my fingertips rub over my clothed nipples; eyes still closed, I imagine his fingers being the ones ghosting across my frame.
I can practically hear the smile on his face when he speaks again, his voice quiet and heavy, “Yeah, I wanna touch you there, too. I can’t stop thinking about the things I want to do to you.”
“What else do you want to do to me?” I whisper, my hands making their way down my body at a slow pace. I play with the hem of my panties, imagining it’s his thick fingers there teasing me as he speaks slowly into my ear.
“I wanna spend all day between your legs, Baby. Wanna fuck you so good, you forget your name.” He whispers huskily, his breathing is heavier and I almost cum at the thought that he must be touching himself, too. I slide my hand into my panties and moan breathlessly at the feeling of relief that rushes my system. I circle my fingers around my opening, brushing my fingertips over the bud at the apex every so often
                “You drive me crazy,” I groan, throwing my head back against the headboard as I picture his face between my thighs and all the filthy noises he would be making while he eats me, “I need more. You make me so wet.”
                He curses into the speaker and I can hear his breathing quicken, “Take off your clothes.” The harshness in his voice causes my eyes to snap open and rushes me to strip bare faster than I ever have. I remain quiet as I lay alone, listening to his rapid breathing on the other end of the line, “You want me to fuck you, Baby?”
                I nod dumbly before realizing that he still can’t see me and quickly recover, “Yes.”
                “I want you on your hands and knees. Arch your back and touch yourself.” I nod again, rolling quickly to my hands and knees to do as he asks, “I can’t see you, Sweetheart. Are you listening to me?”
                “Yes, Sir.” I mumble as I rush to put the phone on speaker and roll my hips against my fingers, “I’m listening.”
                “Good girl.” He replies, chuckling as I moan at the name, “You like that?”
                “Yes. I love that.” I pant, rubbing faster against the bundle nerves between my thighs. My eyes roll back at the feeling and I try my best to focus on Dean’s voice as he continues to talk me through this.
                “All those little sounds your making are getting me so hard, Darlin’. I can’t stop thinking about how good you must feel, about how good I’d make you feel.” His husky whispers sends my imagination into overdrive as I raise up to sit on my heels. A single finger sinks into me and I moan out at the relief, “I’ve been thinking about being inside you all day. Whatever you want me to do to you, I’d do it. I want to be so deep inside you.”
                My eyes roll at his words, my breathing becoming heavier and I barely hear him when he asks, “You close, Sweetheart? Want me to make you cum?” The teasing lilt in his voice urging my hands to move quicker, my fingers rushing in and out of my opening like lightening. My toes curl and my vision goes blurry as the orgasm crashes into me suddenly. His name leaves my lips like a prayer as I come down and I hear him grunt, whispering my name quietly against the phone speaker.
                My breathing is heavy when I finally speak, “Thank you.”
                He chuckles awkwardly and I can imagine the way a blush covers his cheeks when he replies, “No need to thank me, Darlin’. I think I got just as much out of this as you did.”
                I laugh a little in response, feeling the hint of a blush rising in my own cheeks. The relief I feel is insurmountable and I can feel exhaustion taking over my body in exchange for the rabid horniness from earlier. “Do you think this is over? The potion, I mean.” I ask, waiting for the intense feeling of want to return.
                “Guess we’ll have to wait and see.” He mumbles, “If you need me again though, just call.”
                “Will do.” I reply, “We do have a lot to talk about when I’m feeling better though…”
                He laughs nervously before trying to hide it as a cough before agreeing, “Yeah, uh, we do.”
                “I’ll see you after my nap, Dean.” I answer with a slight smile, “And then we can see just how quickly I forget my name.”
                He snorts and I can hear the smirk in his voice, “Set a timer, Sweetheart, it won’t take long.”
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piastrixpole · 8 hours ago
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ménage à trois - pierre gasly & kika gomes
pairing: pierre gasly x kika gomes x fem!engineer
genre: smau
faceclaim(s): madison beer, pinterest girls
f1gossip just posted
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liked by user4, user10 and 130,000 others
Trouble in paradise for our favourite Frenchman?🚗💨Spotted after the Brazilian GP getting cosy with a mystery brunette who is not his girlfriend 👀 Sources say the two were all over each other in the club and left together later that night
user1: I feel so bad for Kika, she was there supporting him! 💔
user2: Messy, messy, messy. I need to see how he explains this 👀
user3: I can’t believe he’d do this while she’s right there! She deserves better
user4: Can't believe he'd cheat on a baddie like Kika
user5: Someone find out who she is, we need answers ASAP!
->user6: maybe it's just me but it kind of looks like yn ln!
user5: his engineer? nurse she's out again
twitter
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yourusername just posted!
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liked by pierregasly, fransisca.cgomes, alpinef1team and 93,547 others
Te amo Brasil! So proud of Pierre and our first podium together! 🏆 Here’s to many more 🫶✨
pierregasly: Merci, Yn!! Best engineer around 👏🏆 I couldn’t have done it without you!
->yourusername: all you mon ami, can't wait to do it again
->user45: are we all seeing this right now? kika get behind me
user12: You’re seriously posting this after the rumours??
user 20: She really has no shame...posting kika as well like she didn't get with her man
francisca.cgomes: Proud of you both!! Well deserved
->yourusername: thank you my love
->user13: this is insane HELLO? not her acting like kika's bsf when she hooked up with pierre
user37: This is messy but I kinda live for it 😳
user17: I'm so disappointed in yn for this! She was such an icon for us aspiring girls in motorsports and then she does this
user2: Imagine being Kika and seeing this post after the gossip 😭
user5: Girl… you know we all caught you on f1gossip, right? 😬
user29: Homewrecker
messages
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fransisca.cgomes posted a story!
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[image 1: ☺️ ] [image 2: gorgeous @yourusername]
yourusername replied: te amooo kiks missing you both so much
->francisca.cgomes: we miss you more angel
yourusername posted a story!
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[image1: cute date kinda nervous] [image2: ❤️]
Fanbehaviour pod just uploaded:
Yn Ln on Working in F1, Engineering and her relationship with Pierre Gasly and Kika Gomes
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twitter
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pierregasly just posted!
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liked by yourusername, francisca.cgomes, charlesleclerc and 530,987 others
guess the rumours are true...just not in the way you thought they're both my girls
yourusername: love youuu
->pierregasly: my smart girl je t'aime
francisca.cgomes: love you and our girl so much
->pierregasly: And I’m the luckiest to have you both. ❤️👑 Mon coeur et mon amour
charlesleclerc: mate how did you end up with two girls out of your league
->pierregasly: obviously my charm and good lucks
->yourusername: nah it was the tripod😋
->francisca,cgomes: agreed
user20: THROUPLE HARD LAUNCH. I’m screaming, they really did that!
user23: Wait, I love this for them?
user19: Kika the ultimate wag
user 35: I didn’t expect this but… I support it. As long as you’re all happy!
francsica.cgomes just posted!
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liked by pierregasly, yourusername, alexandrasaintmleux and 123,746 others
the ultimate wag
yourusername: te amo lindaaa🤤
->francisca.cgomes: lindinha🥰
pierregasly: my girls
->francisca.cgomes: forever yours meu amor
alexandrasaintmleux: the cutest couple!
user42: obsessed with this hard launch
user35: this is so wholesome 😭
user93: I did not expect this season to give me my new favourite relationship, but here we are
user16: what a plot twist but i stan this power trio
user67: How is it possible for one couple to be THIS perfect?
user48: sleeping on the motorway tonight when is it my turn😫
yourusername just posted!
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liked by pierregasly, francisca.cgomes, yourbsf and 59,870 others
Three’s a crowd? Only if you’re not invited. 😉❤️
pierregasly: love you!! even if i can't keep my hands off you ever
->yourusername: i'd go through it again to have you and kiks💗
francisca,cgomes: that's my wifey🤭
->yourusername: put a ring on it baby💋
yourbsf: Finally i couldn't go much longer without fighting someone on your behalf
->yourusername: i adore you
user89: Now THIS is what we call a power move
user76: f1gossip found dead in a ditch
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ashkabbom · 8 hours ago
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Thoughts of the Day - Mouthwashing
A/n: I don't know what this is 🧍🏽. I started with one idea and ended up with a completely different one. Lock your doors and windows before you go to sleep, or Jimmy will appear in your room at night.
•Pre-Crash!Captain Curly x Reader (Not the focus, but it's still here)
Synopsis/Summary: Situations from every week, questions from every day
Notes: I apologize in advance for the phrase Swansea says😭
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Why had he done this? He condemned you all to immediate hell.
That day, the emergency screen, the red lights everywhere and the sound, all of that could only be a bad dream, right? It had to be a nightmare.
What had you done to deserve this? Years of work thrown away with a single action and you don't even know why it was all thrown down the drain without any prior warning.
You loved him like never before, your days with him meant much more than all the work you had in this place.
The layoff was already a problem, but this was beyond what you could handle in the future. If there even was a future.
The tears fell and you felt yourself slowly going crazy. The captain was out of the game now and in his absence they put Jimmy as an anesthetic for the immense despair in everyone on that ship, but it didn't work at all, it was the calm before the storm.
Anya looked as uncomfortable about it as anyone on that ship. Having Jimmy as captain was stressful, to say the least.
You and the others came to a silent agreement about the now captain. He was as cowardly as anyone there, but he was still second in command.
"What do we do next?" You ask, taking a deep breath, wiping your tears on the sleeve of your uniform.
"I don't know, but his painkillers will run out at some point." Anya also looked apprehensively at the captain's situation.
At the same time that you felt anger and disappointment, you also felt worry and uncertainty, you still loved him. The story made sense to some extent, but it didn't match the captain you knew.
"You.. You know how I feel about this, I think it's the right thing to do, Anya." It was weird to think about doing that with someone you like, you don't even know if you can imagine yourself doing such a thing.
She didn't have to answer, but as much as neither of you wanted to, you silently agreed that it was the quickest and least cruel option towards him.
"What a funeral atmosphere." Daisuke's voice coming from the door startles you both, making you turn to look at him.
"Well, this is almost a funeral- Ouch!" You can't even finish before Anya pinches your neck. "Okay okay, I get it."
"And how is it going? How is he?" He approaches the stretcher and looks at the captain, saying good morning and sighing soon after. "At least he's alive..."
"The painkillers help to control the pain and he can... Sleep, I think, or at least not writhe in pain and discomfort." Anya says to Daisuke, knowing that it was impossible for Curly to have any slight improvement in the situation they were in.
"But still no sign of being able to speak, and it would take a miracle for him to actually be able to say something." You say sincerely.
Daisuke nods in acknowledgement, he wondered if keeping the captain in this state for months was right. When they return to Earth, Curly could receive specialized treatment for his situation in a Hospital, right?
"The Totally Spies girls better get back into their disguises, or the Mojo Jojo will find you out." Swansea warns, leaning against the door.
If everyone was in sickbay, Jimmy would probably be hunting one of them around the ship. It's only a matter of time before Jimmy shows up and starts putting stress and pressure on everyone, so Swansea was right.
You pat Daisuke on the shoulder and then look at Anya. "You heard Jerry, girls, back to disguises." Anya lets out a small laugh, a small quiet moment before dealing with the reality of things.
"I'll give the painkiller to the captain this time, I'll see you guys later" You say waving to your colleagues before grabbing the bottle of painkiller.
Daisuke and Anya walk to the door, chatting a bit before agreeing on where each of them would go. "But isn't the Mojo Jojo from The Powerpuff Girls?" Is the last thing you hear Daisuke say before the door closes.
It's just you and him now. No matter how much you tried to ignore it, but you could feel Curly's gaze burning you alive, so many things wanted to be understood with just a single look from his eyes.
If he could say something, what would he say? What would be his version of what happened? Why would he have crashed the ship? Would he want us to keep giving him the painkillers or just end his suffering?
Looking at him, burned, unable to speak or move properly, lying on that stretcher, which was now his bed and the infirmary his room. He just stared, unable to close his eyes at any moment, you didn't know what was going on in his head, it was impossible to guess any feelings he had by looking at his face.
"It's Captain... You should have thought better about your actions before you did this to us..." You say with the painkiller in hand. The urge to cry formed again and made you feel suffocated. "You have to take responsibility somehow at least..."
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supercorpkid · 1 day ago
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Would it really kill you if we kissed? Part 2
Supergirl. Baby Danvers. Kara Danvers x B!D!Reader, Alex Danvers x B!D!Reader, Lena Luthor x Reader, Esmé Danvers
Word Count: 3010
Previously on part 1. Part 2 of 3.
You start spending more time with Esmé, filling your days with her endless energy and her excitement over everything new on this island. You’d planned on being here for the family time anyway, but lately, it’s become easier to dodge Kara’s concerned glances and Lena’s quiet observations. Esmé, at least, never asks questions you’re not ready to answer.
It doesn’t stop Kara from trying, though. You find yourself slipping out of family dinners early, ducking behind palm trees when you spot her coming your way, feigning sleep when she knocks on your door at night. You know it’s getting obvious—Kara’s face fell when you bailed on last night’s dinner, and Alex’s knowing sigh was almost loud enough to break through the silence you’ve wrapped around yourself. But would they even understand if you told them?
Esmé’s simpler. When you’re with her, it’s just fun, silly games and laughter that doesn’t get weighed down by questions. For now, you let yourself hide behind that. That is until Esmé notices, of course. Kids always do, with that unfiltered clarity adults forget to keep.
It catches you by surprise when the two of you are building sandcastles, the sun heavy and warm, and she says, “I miss hanging out with Aunt Kara and Aunt Lena together. You know, like… like we used to.”
You tense, your hands pausing mid-sculpt. “They’re busy with grown-up stuff. It happens.”
Esmé gives you a look, so knowing it’s almost painful. “You’re a bad liar.”
You sigh, brushing sand from your fingers. “I guess I am.”
“Is it because of that thing you can't tell Aunt Kara, but you can tell my mom?”
It takes you by surprise, the perceptiveness of it, the way she’s pinpointed exactly what’s unraveling between you and your sisters without even understanding why. You swallow, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. “Sort of.”
“I wish I had a sister. If I did, I'd tell her everything! And she would be my best friend!”
"Well, your mom is my best friend and she is my sister too."
She spares a look over her shoulder, to Kara on the other side of the beach swimming alone in the ocean. "I bet Aunt Kara feels lonely."
It’s… whoa. A lot more insightful than you'd expect from a six-year-old.
Kara’s attempts to reach you haven’t gone unnoticed. She’s patient, but only for so long, and it’s clear to everyone around you that you’re holding her at arm’s length.  But what's worse is that you avoid Alex too, because you don't wanna tell her what happened. She's gonna tell you that you missed your chance to come clean, which is obvious and yet extremely unhelpful. 
It’s so evident you're keeping your distance, that when Lena finds you sneaking behind a bush one evening, she doesn’t even act surprised.
"Hey!" Lena’s voice makes you jump, her warm presence somehow amplifying your guilt. "Why are you hiding behind a bush? And why does it feel like I haven't seen you in days?"
"What? It hasn't been days." It has. She raises her eyebrows, and you smooth your hands over your clothes. "I thought I saw a hedgehog," you lie, forcing a smile. She doesn’t look convinced. "What are you up to?"
"I thought you and I could go on a walk," she says, her smile soft, irresistible. You’re about to argue, but she throws a cheap shot. "You know, you did promise me some alone time."
"Did I?" You try a joke, but, as with the last few attempts, it doesn’t quite land with her.
"You don’t have to come if you're more interested in the hedgehog. I could probably hold my own against the wild animals in the forest."
"Yeah, I’m sure you can, but I’d hate to miss you fighting a snake, so I might as well tag along. Wouldn’t want to miss the show."
"Very kind of you, darling." Lena’s eyes light up with humor, and the two of you start toward the nearest forest trail. It’s close to the resort—too close for any real wildlife, which is probably the point.
The conversation is supposed to be casual, just friends catching up. She asks about your thesis, even a few things about your superhero life. But as relaxed as it should be, you can’t shake the tension simmering beneath the surface. Every laugh, every shared glance, every tiny silence, and you’re swallowing feelings, nearly choking on unsaid words. Your heartbeat drums in your ears, terrified that one slip-up could give everything away.
"Kara is so thrilled to have you to share these experiences with. I bet it’s lonely, having to figure out this superhero lifestyle on your own."
"I don’t think I’m helping that much, to be honest. I’m just… following her lead most of the time."
"I think you're more important than you give yourself credit for." Lena touches your arm, her eyes soft and unwavering, making it impossible to shrug it off. "For everyone, not just Kara."
“Oh, yeah. Sure.” You mutter the words with such disbelief that Lena almost flinches.
She doesn’t let it go, though. She stops, making you pause too, her expression puzzled but determined.
"Y/N, darling." Just one word—darling—and your heart is pounding, each beat a tiny betrayal. "You know I mean it, right? We wouldn’t miss hanging out with you so much if you weren’t—"
"So fun to have around!" you cut in, your voice unnaturally bright.
Lena reaches for your hand, her gaze softening in a way that makes it impossible to hide. "If you weren’t so incredibly special."
This is it—the moment you could be honest, vulnerable, bare open like she is. But Kara might be in love with her. And she’s probably in love with your sister too, because who would choose you over Kara? No one. Not even you.
So you bite your tongue, force a smile, and watch the moment slip past. “Yeah, I—I don’t know. Maybe the superhero life just isn’t for me.”
“Oh.” Lena blinks, visibly thrown, and when you realize what you’ve just said, it’s too late. Can’t take it back. You’ve tried so hard to hide how you feel about her, you didn’t even think about the other secrets you need to protect.
“Not that I’ll stop!” you rush to reassure her. “I’d never stop supering and leave Kara to it. I just… wonder, sometimes. But, um, everyone wonders about things they’ll never act on, right?”
You can feel Lena’s gaze linger on you as you stumble through your words. Her silence feels weighty, loaded with questions she doesn’t voice. Instead, she’s watching you with that careful, gentle look she has—the one that makes you feel like she can see straight through every defense you’re barely managing to hold up.
“Y/N,” Her voice is low, softer than usual, and you can tell she’s choosing her words carefully. “If you ever feel like talking… Really talking, I mean—I’ll listen, you know that, right?”
You breathe deep, trying to keep your expression neutral, but the way she’s looking is too much; she’s seeing right through you, and every instinct you have screams to deflect, to put distance between you and that sharp, all-seeing gaze.
“I know, Lena. I just—” You pause, forcing the words clawing up your throat back down, swallowing hard against the sting of tears that threaten to break free. “I don’t have much to say right now, but… thank you.”
Her fingers brush down your arm slowly, lingering for a split second before letting go. She doesn’t push, but there’s something in her eyes, something searching, that leaves you feeling bare. She’s not fooled, you know that. But she doesn’t press further, only offers a soft nod.
“I just want to make sure you know that you’re not alone.” Her voice is so gentle, it makes your throat tighten.
Her words land with a bittersweet ache, a reminder of exactly how not alone you actually are—and yet, how impossible it feels to share any of it. You swallow, nodding a little too quickly, desperate to end this before you give yourself away completely.
“I appreciate it,” you mumble, unable to meet her eyes. “Anyway, uh… we should head back before it gets dark.”
A tiny smile curves her lips, one filled with patience, and it only makes the weight in your chest feel heavier. She sees through you, sees the things you’re too afraid to say. And as you walk back, her presence beside you is both comforting and unbearable, the knowledge that she’d listen if you let her like a gentle but relentless pressure against the wall you’re so intent on keeping up.
When you finally reach the resort, you mumble something about needing to freshen up before dinner, ducking away before she can say anything else. But her words stay with you, lingering in the back of your mind: you’re not alone.
Even though you've never felt as lonely and isolated as you do now.
This trip, this whole thing, was a really bad idea.
You throw together your bag in a rush, moving faster than any human eye could see. This trip was supposed to be a break, a chance to breathe—but with each day, it feels like the land on this tiny island is getting even smaller. There’s nowhere left to hide, and the weight of your secrets presses harder, threatening to escape the moment you open your mouth. It almost did with Lena, so you desperately need to leave.
You knock lightly on Alex and Kelly’s door, hoping not to wake Esmé. It’s late, but Alex answers quickly, slipping out into the hall and shutting the door quietly behind her. She gives you a concerned once-over, her expression softening in that big-sister way.
“What’s wrong?” she whispers. “Lena said you two hung out before dinner, but then you didn’t show up—”
“I’m going back to National City.” You say it quickly, barely letting the words settle before you look away, as if that might make it easier. Alex’s eyes shift down to your bag, and she lets out a long, disappointed sigh.
“You can’t keep running forever, you know.”
“No, but I can tonight.” You set your jaw, bracing yourself. Alex is going to try to talk you out of this, and you can’t let her. “I’ll help keep watch over National City with J’onn and M’gann. Say goodbye to Esmé for me.”
“Absolutely not. You want to leave her, you tell her yourself.” She opens the door a fraction, enough for you to glimpse Esmé’s little sneakers by the bed, and you feel something twist painfully in your chest. She knows it’ll be harder for you to look Esmé in the eye, to break your promise of a trip full of fun with her favorite aunt. “Man up.”
“Sexist,” you mutter, half-heartedly, as you step inside. But before you can call for Esmé, you freeze. Kara is sitting on the floor, her gaze sharpening the moment she sees you.
“You’re leaving?” She stands up, arms crossed, and in that moment, she doesn’t look much like your sister—she looks every inch of Supergirl, unyielding. Kelly clears her throat, mumbling something about checking on Esmé before slipping out of the small living room.
“Yeah, I have this… thing.”
“Is this ‘thing’ called a massive crush on Lena that you’re too scared to deal with?” Kara’s voice is quiet but piercing, an eyebrow arching as she studies you, making you feel as transparent as glass. “Or is this ‘thing’ a problem you’ve got with me?”
You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Oh yeah, I forgot everything has to be about you.”
Before you can get another word out, she’s right in front of you, moving faster than even you expected.
“It’s becoming about me because you keep dodging me and shutting everyone out,” she says firmly. “You have to stop running, Y/N. Why won't you deal with your problems like an adult?”
“Oh my God! Is there a version of this conversation where you don’t sound like my mother?”
“I don't know. Is there a version where you don’t sound like a moody teenager?” She fires back, voice sharp as a blade.
"Go to hell, Kara," you mutter, your voice barely above a whisper, knowing full well she’ll catch every word. You try to push past her, but she steps in your way, resolute, daring you to challenge her. Fine. If she wants a fight, you’ll give her one.
“Stop acting so tough,” you say, each word sharp and unyielding. “You’re not Alura. You’re not Eliza. You’re not even my oldest sister.” You pause, just long enough to let it sink in, to make sure she feels the sting. "You don’t get to act like you’re in charge."
Kara flinches, just a fraction, but you catch it. And part of you hates that it hurts her—almost as much as the rest of you wants it to.
A hand catches your arm as you make to leave, and you know it’s Alex without even looking. Her grip isn’t harsh, but it’s inflexible, the quiet authority of someone who knows exactly what they’re doing.
“This has gone too far.” she says, her voice low.
“Alex,” you say, a warning lacing your tone. But your sister doesn’t budge. She’s as immovable as Kara in her own way, and you can tell from her stance that she’s done letting this slide.
“No. You tell her now, or I will.” The seriousness in her voice roots you to the spot, and you stare at her in disbelief. “Don’t test me, Y/N. This has gone on too long.”
“Alex,” you plead, the warning fading, replaced by something that feels like betrayal. “I trusted you.”
But Alex’s stance only hardens. She glances at Kara, crossing her arms in front of her chest, each movement deliberate, telling you in no uncertain terms that this is the line she won’t let you cross.
“You want to know what’s going on?” your voice comes out loud, it's almost a yell in the quiet of the night, voice cracking as you throw the question back at them, your fists clenched so tight they’re shaking. “Fine. Let’s do this. You want honesty? Here it is.”
Kara and Alex fall silent, but they’re staring, eyes wide. You can’t tell if they're surprised or concerned, and for once, you don’t care.
“I’m in love with Lena,” you spit out, practically choking on the words. “There it is. Happy? But it doesn’t matter, because she’s yours, Kara. Everyone is. Everyone who matters, everyone I could ever care about, they’re all yours.”
“I don't—” Kara starts, but you’re not finished. Not even close.
“Don’t!” you snap, cutting her off. “You have no idea what it’s like to be around you, day after day, having to act like it doesn’t kill me. Watching you looking at her like… Like I do. And I just—” Your voice wobbles, a tremor of frustration bubbling up with the tears you’re fighting to keep down. “I just get to stand there and smile and play the part of your perfect little sister, like I should just be grateful to even be a part of your story.”
Alex takes a step toward you, hands up, but you move away, barely holding it together, so you don't hurt her. “Do you know how exhausting it is? How much do I dread putting on the suit, being the hero, pretending this is all I ever wanted? Because it’s not. It’s never been. I hate it," your voice comes out so raw, your throat hurts afterwards. "and I can’t even tell anyone that because you’d all look at me like I’d failed you. Both of you would.”
Alex steps back the slightest, her face twisted in a mix of surprise and sadness. Kara looks stricken, her mouth parting like she wants to say something, but you don’t give her the chance. You’re too far gone, the anger pushing past your better judgment.
“You get to be perfect, and I get to be… what? The second-rate version of you? The one who’s not quite as brave, not quite as good?” You only realize you're crying when you taste your own tears. “The one people don't even glance at because they are too busy looking at you — the super girl. And now you want me to watch you with the person I love too? You just get to take everything.”
"That's not true! None of it is—" Kara reaches out, but you take a step back, hands up like it’s a shield. 
“You don't get it! So don’t—just don't.”
Her expression crumples, and for the first time, you see the real hurt reflected back at you. But the ache inside you is too loud, too sharp to ignore. A small part of you feels vindicated, glad that she’s hurting too—at least now you’re not the only one carrying the weight of pain.
You turn away, ready to escape the suffocating atmosphere, but Alex’s voice cuts through the tension, pulling you back.
"Y/N, wait." Alex tries, voice sweet like you didn't even know she could master. "Let's all take a breath and just… talk about it."
"Oh no," You turn to her. "you don't get to do this. I trusted you with this, and you just—” You can’t find the words, the tears breaking free, your voice shaking. "You just chose Kara over me. Like everyone does. So you don't get to ask me for anything." The next words leave from the depths of your core, it shakes the entire room. "NONE OF YOU get to ask me for ANYTHING!" 
Sometimes hours can feel like minutes, and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime.  "I'm done pretending we're one big happy family." This is it. This is that second. The second you burned every bridge, every connection you've had and flew away from it.
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tristanzaire · 2 days ago
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"The universe, huh?" Tristan makes a face, humorous. "I don't know if I'll let 'the universe' take all the credit."
No girlfriends, he nods, gotcha. "Aight. You don't do that, but do you do— them? Do you just kiss girls, and don't date them? How very," he laughs through his teasing, "very macho of you."
Of course, he catches the look in Ricardo's eye — and that alone makes him bark, "They sound like losers."
"Never?" Tristan raises a brow at that. "You dated more than one person, but you all didn't sleep together?" The dynamics aren't clear to him, but it doesn't entirely matter. If anything, Tristan should be grateful for the ones that didn't stick around — this very moment wouldn't exist otherwise. He laughs, then, "Yup. Veeery intriguing."
Someone who can see the vision and isn’t scared to lead us there.
It's complimentary, and a beautiful snapshot of how Ricardo sees him. Yet it reminds Tristan of who he really is: a boy with a whole lotta baggage.
"Baby..." He pulls him close. "People like me don't get a lot of time to do what we need to do. I'm 29 — that's like, ancient by revolutionary leader standards. Mathias tried and he failed, but eventually, someone is gonna kill me right."
It sounds out of place, except it isn't. Tristan can't just think of the future, without being faced with the fact that he likely won't have one. "That is the one thing I can't change about myself, and I don't know what that means. I don't know if I should live to the fullest, or if I shouldn't live at all. It scares the hell out of me." He sighs, "It scares me even more that I'm gonna get my head on a spike one day and you're gonna be here without me."
He can't bring himself to say Don't love me because I won't be around long, or Don't date me, because worse than being an ex, is being a widow — because Tristan wants to be loved, as much as he wants to all the pink-colored-lenses perks of dating.
"Nothing to ask," he answers, easy. "I get you, baby. I know what you mean."
Still, Tristan's martyrdom is still the elephant in every room, the bite in every kiss. Even there where his hand had found Ricardo's skin under his shirt, it follows his touch as it traces lightly along his spine.
"I'm a ticking time-bomb, pretty boy." A little higher, Tristan's fingertips travel. "Tick, tick..."
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"Not would be, will be." Ricardo gently corrects, smiling. He softly chuckles, "I must admit, people like you are the reason I love the universe so much. How interesting it is in the way it crosses paths that are meant to cross." Ric was a firm believer that everyone intertwined in each other's lives for a reason, some people stuck around longer than others, and some would impact your life in ways you never knew possible.
And girlfriends? Ricardo's face automatically scrunches a little at question, though he's still smiling, "I've never actually had a girlfriend before." He lets out another soft chuckle, "I'm honestly not sure if I do that. I've never really thought about asking someone to be my girlfriend."
Perhaps these questions, this topic, should’ve been spoken about a while ago. Truthfully, he had been oblivious a bit to the fact that Tristan would even entertain the idea of more than just friendship with him. Another part of him had been terrified to take a leap for many reasons. Their friendship, the roommate situation not getting weird, and not wanting to put a bigger target on either of them. But he’s come to learn that living in a world of “what if..” was worse than living in a world of taking a risk and possibly sinking. Maybe if they moved forward it would destroy everything they had built between them, maybe it would only strengthen things, there was only one way to find out…
“Open like…” his voice trails off, trying to find the right way to word what his previous relationship had been like, “….like we were dating each other, but it wasn’t just us involved in the relationship. One moved one way, and two others would move along with them. Sometimes three, depending if that other person had a special someone too.” Something hits right then and you could see in his eyes that it broke him a little; it was the realization that he hadn’t been involved in their departure plans. He hadn’t even been given the chance to say whether or not he wanted to join. Regardless, he keeps his mood light and focused on the conversation. “Ah. I can’t say I’ve ever done something like that before, but it’s very intriguing. I wouldn’t be opposed,” he teased, giving Tristan a playful wink.
Am I one of the things you share?
He softly smiles, “Of course, but it’s different. Naturally I have to share you because…” Leadership “…given the life we live, what we are trying to build, it needs someone to guide them. Someone who can see the vision and isn’t scared to lead us there.” Ric takes a sip of his drink, letting the alcohol slowly travel down, relaxing a little more into Tristan’s touch. “But the difference being that if we ever became boyfriends,” he looks at the other again, a warm smile on his face, “ I wouldn’t want to share that intimacy with anyone else. That side of us would be just us, at least that’s what I would like for a little bit.” A pause, thinking of the last question asked. “What else? What else…” he clears his throat a bit, “I’m not sure. Is there something you’d like to ask that you’re curious about?”
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honey-skulls · 4 months ago
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HUGE VENT
I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen
My routine these last two weeeks has been:
-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep
-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw
-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am
I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍
Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore
Silence is actually worse than loud rooms
It's driving me insane
It's so loud
#literaly so mentally exhausted to the point that i forgot to ask a bunch of really important stuff and tests at my last gyneco appointement#i can't remember which med I'm supposed to take at a specific hour and which one is whenever. so i just take them both at the same time#i can't remember if i have still boxes of meds in advance and which one i need to go refill#because they're stuff i need to constantly take and not suddenly stop with#but i keep forgetting to check#and i can't remember where i put the prescriptions anyway#and which one are the right one and which one are old#I'm so tired#and I'm so tired of being tired#and I'm SO so so tired of constantly fighting to have my health and struggles acknowledge#i kinda just gave up and now i'm just mindlessly sitting there at the appointments for only 10 minutes being being told that i can leave#I've just been run in circles for way too long#and i get aggresively criticised every time i use advice and seek for help on the Internet. by the same doctors who don't give me ANY advic#or help#and my head has been pounding for two days#and my verbal ticks have gotten so bad that it genuinely gets hard to breathe sometimes#with a therapist that just made me talk in circles and lowkey criticised me for two hours#(this was our first real therapy meeting and they're supposed to only be 1 hour and are NOT reimbursed because the autism center will NOT#fucking answer to ANYONE. medical professional or not. so i had to go private 😃👍)#and the only thing she gave me at the end of those 2 hours was this schedule that I'm not allowed to bend#I've been trying to daydream about my AUs and develope them as usual to try to feel better#but now that i have time to draw. i just get more and more drawing ideas that keep pilling up and tear me apart from the inside because i#can't draw any of them thanks to this damn fatigue#i literally only did 1 af revenge and still need to do 3 more. and i genuinely don't know if I'll manage to do that#i told two friends that ill draw something for them. but nothing. because too tired and everything keeps slipping from my mind#i will daydream about Dimentio for hours straight. then forget that i did. and panic that the fixation is slipping because i “haven't#thought about him in a while“. ”a while“ was 40 seconds ago. I'm not exaggerating this keeps happening#i also keep spending the night DRENCHED in sweat because i just can't sleep without my blanket on me anymore. so more struggles#vent#negative
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wolpatinga · 3 months ago
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 1 year ago
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The I feel like she sees me line being said to Eddie who is the person that truly sees Buck for all that he is. Are we supposed to take this line at face value which would indicate piss poor writing because they needed to rush to a horrible ending or do we take it as Buck being an unreliable narrator? What was the audience supposed to interpret from Buck saying that, were we truly supposed to believe him or we supposed to be pissed at Buck for saying this to the one person that truly sees Buck?
Good morning to me, I guess.
I'm assuming you haven't really seen people's reactions in the fandom on tumblr because I feel like I saw this said in quite a few posts going around, but you are absolutely not supposed to take this line at face value. I'm surprised that people think you should. 9-1-1 has from the beginning had a habit of turning friendships into romantic relationships (Bathena and Madney) and taking their time with these things rather than having an instalove situation. Even Karen and Hen, who meet when they're set up on a date together, don't instantly fall in love. I do not think they would set Eddie or Buck up for an endgame relationship with a woman by having them date that woman immediately, even if they didn't plan to make Buddie canon.
Buck is clearly struggling post-death. He's lost and once again looking for the answer from a romantic partner. He did a lot of growth in regards to his family relationships this season but not his romantic ones. Remember, his couch ended up destroyed and he asked his latest girlfriend to pick the new one out for him. Again. He's still not picking his own damn couch. After being unable to sleep on the one his mom gave him but passed out instantly on Eddie's where he ran to feel safe.
If people think this is all, somehow, an accident or the writers are doing this without knowing what they're doing, then I can't help you. Do you also think the symbolism I put into my fanfics are a total accident? Do you guys think I picked the name of the poem "Fuchsia Emerald Alizarin Rose" just because the colors are fun and they accidentally spell out F.E.A.R. or do you think maybe I did that absolutely 100% on purpose and was waiting for someone to realize?
Buck saying that to Eddie is 100% supposed to make the audience raise their eyebrows. Especially when we see Eddie's reaction. He's confused and he's hurt and he's annoyed. Eddie then spends his next few lines showing Buck (and us) that he sees Buck. Buck misses it, it goes right over his head, but the audience is shown that Buck is wrong and Eddie sees him.
I think there was a lot of internal stuff going on behind the scenes way high up the ladder that meant Buddie didn't happen this season. No, I don't mean that in a tinhatting way, I just mean that they knew Fox wouldn't renew them, they didn't know if they'd get picked up somewhere else, Fox hasn't promoted or cared about this show the way it has its other shows in a while, and I think it's pretty clear there was shuffling and changes going on with 6B. So I think things had to be put off. Similar to the pandemic, where I genuinely wonder what kind of season four we would've gotten if we'd had the full 18 episodes and hadn't had to work around Covid. I think that when we know there was a big shift going on behind the scenes, we need to have some grace and patience in how that will effect the story that's told on screen.
But I think that this default to "everything good we see on our screens is an accident and the writers are making shitty choices" is a horrible bad faith argument, and it's exhausting. Aren't you exhausted? I'm exhausted. Fandom shouldn't treat the writing and production team like their enemies any more than the writing and production team should treat the fans like their enemies in some kind of war they have to win (looking at you, GoT showrunners).
We are supposed to be annoyed that Buck is missing the point. We are supposed to see Buck's yearning to be a husband and a father, and how he's missing what's right in front of him. We are supposed to put two and two together and see that Eddie was hurt by Buck's words, that Eddie sees Buck, that Eddie is Buck's safe place, and that Eddie in that moment decided he might not have a chance with Buck and needs to move on, because previously we saw Eddie admit he wants romance again but he doesn't want to go out on dates, we saw his aunt say she met her husband through work, we saw him say 'we have time' and then we saw him immediately after Buck tells him about this new girl who "sees him" flee to visit his mother and then immediately actually try dating. On a meta level this is also because Eddie needs confidence in himself as a romantic partner and needs some more experience under his belt before he's ready to take the plunge with Buck, but in Eddie's mind, I think it's pretty clear he feels Buck will never want him back and he's trying to find the love he wants somewhere else, even if his heart is still Buck's.
So that's what I think. I think it's not explicitly spelled out for a few reasons, but frankly if one of them was a woman we wouldn't need it explicitly spelled out and personally I kinda like that it's not. Something that annoys me with M/F pairings is the constant "we all know you two like each other" talks from third parties that half the time aren't about the characters but are about the audience, to either tell the audience SEE THEY LIKE EACH OTHER THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT or to give the audience some fanservice while the characters aren't ready to get together. I don't need to be pandered to that way, thank you, so I'm a fan of the slightly more subtle approach that I, personally, see going on with Buddie.
If you or anyone else disagrees with me and feels it was just "piss poor writing" then that's entirely your right. I'd just appreciate it if people who feel that way would stop watching the show, and stop putting their complaints into the inboxes of people who clearly do enjoy the show.
TL;DR - You answered your own question, Buck is an unreliable narrator (and always has been) and we are supposed to be frustrated he said this to Eddie who has proven time and again (and does so in that very scene) that he sees Buck.
#lincoln answers things#911 meta#I'd be a lot more open to talking about 6B and the writing#if I felt people understood how much things were clearly going on BTS#and that affected what happened on our screens#and if people were acting in good faith and trusting the writers#I agree that all the fun meta and speculation can become a bit uh#red-string-board for sure#I've seen and even playfully reblogged stuff that I felt was stretching it a bit#but I don't think it's conspiracy thinking or anything of that nature#to assume the writers are able to see what they're putting up on our screens#or that everything good about Buddie is on purpose instead of some happy accident#or that the writers wouldn't do all this stuff if they didn't have the intention of making Buddie canon#because honestly this sort of stuff going on with Buddie I have only seen in two other situations#1. a Xena type situation where the writers could not make it canon but wanted to so did everything else they could get away with#or 2. there was a schism among the powers that be and some or most of the BTS team wanted it but there were others#who did not and so there's a BTS tug of war going on#personally the 911 team seems really united so I don't think it's 2 and I doubt it's 1 but if it is 1 I think the move to ABC will fix that#I think it's more likely it's not 1 or 2 but BTS issues affecting various storylines and writing#(for example when was the last time Athena got a real character arc that lasted a full season like everyone else?)#(when was the last time Athena had genuine growth?)#(I feel like she's mostly the same person she was in season one compared to everyone else's leaps and bounds)#(and that's simply because Angela has been insanely busy filming in other places so she might be in every episode)#(but they can't usually make her a big FOCUS of a season because she hasn't been available)#but I would really like people to presume that maybe just maybe#the people whose careers it is to tell these stories know how to tell these stories#and that not everything we are shown or told by characters should be taken at face value#and that the writers want the audience to do the math themselves#without having to spell everything out constantly#anyway I fucking hate my job and I'm not sleeping well and I'm fucking exhausted so I'm gonna start charging for asks like these
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knifegremliin · 8 months ago
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on my hands and knees begging for my body to let me sleep. please. please. just let me fucking sleep what do you WANT FROM ME.
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taraxacum-vulpes · 1 year ago
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SCARY
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morporkian-cryptid · 2 years ago
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I relistened to "Go to the mirror?" (WTNV 171) and I am in SHAMBLES
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sensitivegoblin · 10 months ago
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Ramble/update/vent
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icharchivist · 4 months ago
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I haven't played Dragon Age before btw but I think Veilguard looks really interesting. I hope I can get into it despite being a complete beginner
oh damn
I hope you can too.... from experiences while th DA games clearly follow heavily on one another, the fact each entry has it's own protagonist, they usually use it to really go "we can't assume you know what happened previously so here's a run down". I've seen people who never played the previous games get fully entranced by da2 or dai, and i have no doubt da4 will do the same on that regard, so if this is the way you want to go about it, i'm sure the game will be accomodating. and the game does look a hell of fun.
Personally i think it's a terrible idea but i'm also a person who has been living those past 8 years on the incredible high DAI's ending left me on with its major plot twist that literally changed everything, all while actually having been set up for all 3 games that going back to any of the prev game is a treat in term of treasure hunts of how "everything was there all along, we just didn't know any better" and genuinely i'd be saddened by people being introduced by the twist /first/ when the games have set this beauty up in 3 games.
The current promo cycle revealed also very early 20mins of the gameplay (not the very beginning and it skips around on a few scenes, but it's basically huge part of the prologue), and they will throw you into it right away (and there's no way it won't spoil the prev game, like, at all lmao), which is... so exciting as a long time fan, but is going to be a lot of biased exposition dump too.
("biased" bc the person who's going to fill you in on the situation has a history with the character it's about as well and the chara in question is so incredibly built through all of DAI and is such a nuanced, interresting character, that describing him in a few sentences is. very likely to get you the wrong idea about him. *mumbles* not like playing DAI has ever stopped people from being wrong about him, but,)
(Because yeah also 2 major characters/companions from da2 and DAI have been confirmed to coming back, as well as one of the most detailled secondary characters from DAI becoming a companion in DA4, so there's a lot of history there. The concept arts also teased a lot of returns from possible DAO, DA2 and DAI characters as well.
Not to mention they also confirmed the protagonist of DAI is coming back for a considerable portion of the game to "finish their story with [one of the major character of DAI (and possible romance option) that is going to be super important in DA4]" and has been mentioned to have a significant part to play/that sometimes you'll have to play them.)
But hey i'm talking from the place of someone who spent the last 8 years replaying the three games so often i have 700 hours on the first game, 600 on the second, and nearly 1500 hours on the third one (i've been replaying it those past few weeks, i'm 130 hours in and i am still "early" ish in the plot lmaoooo, and i already planned to replay the game when i'm done.), and have diven into everything the saga has to offer, from books to comics to movies to TV shows and webseries.
(speaking of TV shows, Dragon Age: Absolution on netflix was released a couple years ago and it was a great entry. It also has spoilers from DAI but if you decide to still going on with playing DA4 despite that, you can also watch DA:A to see if the universe compeels you to get deeper into. The show is short, 6/8 episodes? And the full cast (aside from Fairbanks being a big npc on dai and the cliffhanger refering to prev games as well) are new characters so the story can work as a stand alone thanks to that. and it's 2D animated, it's lovely)
point is i'm fully biased and the one thing that thrills me more than anything else about the game is really just rereading the pages of lore and seeing how they connect, so while to me the twist is 100% worth discovering in full, it's also just /my/ concern personally.
(and i can't even begin to touch on the specific high i've been on for the past month by the fact the trailer + gameplay showcase already went on to confirm theories i've been having for /years/ and there's a specific type of high that comes from "oh my god i picked that up!!! i did!!!! holy shit!!!" that would be lost on a new player who's introduced to it right away)
but it's MY way of experiencing DA and i think if you want to go into da4 first, esp since the other games are intimidating in some way (and god knows i've tried to drag ppl into DA and they all ditched early in DAO because DAO has some slow gameplay and some slow built before really hooking you in, so while i can't relate i know it's a deal breaker for some people when i say "no please start from the start"), i'm sure you'll still be on for a treat and everything.
If you end up getting into da4 without playing the other games, if you have questions my inbox is opened. I tend not to talk about DA much on main bc i can't stand the fandom esp on here and don't want them to find me at all (which is why every single of my completely unhinged rantings about DA have been confined to private conversation with friends and spamming my private twitter account i mostly have my IRLs on), but at least in term of lore clarification i should be able to help o7
anyway sorry lots of thoughts about it but i've been thinking about it a lot lately especially as i'm replaying DAI and i'm constantly crying just playing exploration phases because i'm just so enamoured with the way the game saga grew and rewards you for caring yaknow? and how as happy as i am people are interested in DA4 because i do want the game to do well and personally i feel in every fiber of my body that it's going to be a blast, but it saddens me to think the whole saga and the way the twists and turns affected one another will not be experienced fully by newcomers.
but again. ranting of a raving fan, and the game itself will surely ease you through it, so don't mind me too much about it.
I genuinely can't wait, my brain has been only DA for the past month.
happy it got your interest though <333
#sorry lots to ramble but i genuinely can't even begin on the specific itch this saga scratches in my brain#hope you have fun if you get into it though!#ichareply#anonymous#ichafantalks da#(i've been sick-ish since last sunday and sunday/monday was the worst of it i was a full wreck i couldn't even play)#(but then i saw a theory on twitter that was Just Factually Wrong as in We Have Dates To Prove It Wrong)#(and i ended up doing a full on deep dive thread on every info that disprove this theory)#(and then after i ranted for hours i realized that for that time i managed to ignore just how much i felt like shit)#(bc i was too fired up about someone being wrong about the lore)#(that i forgot how in pain i was. in a feverish-state just ranting like crazy)#(no energy to answer texts back nor even getting out of my sofa without collapsing)#(but the energy to tell you 'actually you're wrong because this codex gives us context clues that it's set in this specific place during-#- a specific event which we know that the only time this event happened in this place was in the 5th age-#-yet you're claiming this codex is the origin of the organization that officially started in the 3rd age. wake up. check your sources.')#(so i'm normal about it. i'm sooo normal. the most normal.)#(anyway!!!)#long post for ts#(last sunday as in not this one but the one before)#(but honestly yeah its wild to me bc everytime im hyperfocusing on DA i end up waking up super early just to get more time to play it)#(so ive actually been in a healthy-ish sleep pattern fully out of 'i cant be SLEEPING while i could be playing da.')#(so ive been on a specific high there lmaooo)
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attractthecrows · 5 months ago
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man i'd really like for revallen to encounter the ghost of his father but with his skillset it's just not likely
#revallen lavellan#now nessie on the other hand is a dreamer. she could very easily meet dirennen. but she wouldn't know him from any other elvhen spirit#unless she straight up said 'im revallen's daughter!' and dirennen just latched onto her as kin to protect#revallen would have questions. he would have closure to get. he'd be able to speak to his father as equals#and ask to hear the tales that only the dead can tell#but without nessie's help or even solas' he can't do it purposefully. he would love to. but he can't#it would wreck him tbh. dirennen would say 'you've grown well‚ my son' and revallen would just collapse#the survivors guilt of watching his father die. the guilt of failing his clan. the grief at losing his family‚ his wife. the self loathing.#it would all hit at once and all of a sudden he's right back to being the teenage boy who's scared to face more loss#he covers his face to hide the tears and dirennen pulls him into a comforting embrace. 'know and mourn the past‚ my son‚' he says#'but look always towards the future.'#if nessie is there she hugs him and it's a little father-daughter bonding moment#if solas is there it's kind of awkward. but he comes up on one side and puts an arm around revallen's shoulders and supports him anyways#half carrying half leading him back to the edge of sleep when dirennen fades#when he's less actively agitated he asks if he's all right. and instead of answering revallen just Vanishes#because dorian woke him up#because something woke dorian up. and when he turned to look at revallen's sleeping face (which he is fond of doing) there were tears#when dorian wiped them away there were more. so he shook revallen awake. 'amatus!' and revallen startled back to consciousness#eyes wide and confused with lingering hurt. another tear falls and dorian wipes it away‚ cupping his cheek. 'you were dreaming‚ amatus.'#'are you all right?' and revallen blinks. then sighs deeply and nods‚ closing the distance between him and dorian.#''m ok' he mutters sleepily. 'w's just old ghosts. sorry I woke you.'#etc etc cute sleepy bed shit im running out of tags#i do think dirennen and nessie would have a spirit mentor/acolyte thing going on. he could teach her adahl'era and give her guidance#'let me go ask granddad rq' * conks the fuck out*#i think he'd also be naturally drawn to/protective of her. like as a dreamer yeah but also she's naturally receptive to spirits
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yzzart · 5 months ago
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౨ৎ⊹. BOYFRIEND!KENJI HEADCANONS!
── content warnings: F!reader, mention of Emiko, Emi and Mina, Ultraman form, Kenji being a little needy (once again), fluff, a little something to warm our hearts and minds so dreamy.
── word count: 683!
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⭑.ᐟ Underneath, and sometimes over, tight-fitting t-shirts and extremely expensive fabrics, wear a necklace; however, there is something special there. — His promise ring hangs on the gold chain; like a talisman, something that surrounds he with luck and passion. — Staying attached and close to you, even with a small object.
⤷ If he needs to think or try to decide something dramatically important and you're not around, Sato will take his fingers to the necklace and hold the ring; looking for guidance. — Oh, and waking up, before him, and contemplating that shiny and significant piece, which rests on his broad chest, is angelic.
⭑.ᐟ It's not uncommon to feel, in the middle of the night, Kenji's face trying, persistently, on your neck; readily, wanting to harness the huge and strong body between your. — He doesn't care about the grotesque difference in size, just at that moment, and he doesn't give up.
“Kenji, be careful…!” — Your voice, fully, drunk with sleep and maintaining stillness, murmured between the boy's black and shiny locks; who only responded with a snore, more like a purr and clinging even tighter to you.
⭑.ᐟ Sato can't keep his hands off you, no matter what's going on, what you're doing or what simple task you're performing; hands on your waist, kisses on every exposed and revealed part of your body, thin and wide fingers catching on some part of your clothes. — Don't be upset with him, this poor man is in love with you.
⤷ One day, Mina compared him to a sloth and obviously got a frown of disapproval and the adorable Emi observes how her “father” remains so attached to her “mother”. — Even laughing and grunting when he saw a completely sleepy and desperate Ken crawling towards you.
⭑.ᐟ Please, we have, we need to talk about all the times Kenji and Emi train together, most of the time, being just leisure moments, you sit in the stands, virtually, scheduled and cheer for them; accompanied by Mina. — The feeling of nostalgia, remembering an incredible part of his life, is exposed in Ken's chest; remembering his mother.
⭑.ᐟ I can easily imagine Ken pressing his nose against your cheek or neck wanting your attention; also, when he wants to show you the way Emi is sleeping, enjoying the baby's sweetness. — And, together, pressing his forehead against yours during countless moments of the day and night, when you get home after confronting some creature and every time he want to say "i love you" to you.
⭑.ᐟ This man knows you like the back of his hand; no one can disagree or dispute this fact. — Kenji pays attention to your gestures, noticing your body language and, for a matter of seconds, he knows that something is bothering you; and, there he is, dedicating himself, with all his attention, to doing his girl well.
⭑.ᐟ Funny situations, for Ken, between you and his Ultraman form are included in your lives. — Once, while chasing Aboras, he ended up finding you on the street, wanting to go home, and clearly he was distracted by wanting to cause a provocation. — Mina gave the boy a long, and rightly so, scolding.
“Go back to the house, young lady.” — The robotic voice filled a part of the city's environment, wanting to convey an authoritarian image. — “You know…” — He pointed one of his gigantic fingers in your direction, then towards the place he was. — “The streets have been very dangerous lately.” — Oh, you stopped yourself from answering him like you really wanted to.
“Thank you, so much, for the advice, Ultraman.”
⭑.ᐟ There are nights — many, many nights — that Ken spends watching, contemplating you sleeping, peacefully; your face remained full, without signs of tiredness, exquisite and messy locks spread out, this was adored by the player's eyes. — Between seconds of fascination, Kenji longed, dreamed, deeply and painfully, of his mother meeting you; this way, she would have the chance to know the light that raised her dear son.
⤷ Kenji prospers, sometimes praying, that one day his mother will return, safe and sound, and be able to achieve what he wants so much in his life.
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