#I can't sleep and I'm having thoughts
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Them: oh, I didn’t really like Parasite
Me: is it because you were crushed by the ending? About how the son is driven to strive, hopelessly, endlessly, fruitlessly, to achieve financial success, represented literally by a house, so he can rescue his father? How the trap of generational poverty and trauma is shown as bleakly as a flooding basement and a bloody, bruised forehead???
Them: no I just don't like reading subtitles
#I can't sleep and I'm having thoughts#about the clawing desperate trapped feeling of poverty and how it warps you and warps your children#about timing your behavior and slamming your forehead into a lightswitch#over and over#to turn the lights on for people who don't even know you exist#about how the shining allure of freedom and escape for you and your family is used to keep you leaping for that shining beacon on the hill#about how it grinds our children up and spits them out dead or damaged#parasite
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Mithrun being a mostly autonomous disabled person with caretakers is incredibly important to me, building up routine habits in order to "fully function" while also still requiring help is so real tbh
#I too have a caregiver even though I'm considered somewhat functional#I think people under estimate the amount of help people with certain disabilities need even if they're not fully visible#mithrun being capable of walking talking and being a leader while still having people around him who will remind him to eat or sleep#keeping him safe when breaking down#help him get dressed in the morning when he can't be bothered to remember how to do it himself#that is incredibly real to me#anyway I hope this post doesn't get destroyed#dmd tag#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#mithrun#these are thoughts I shared with my bestie so shout out to sky for that
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Thursday: Movie Night
Okay, that jumpscare got 'em. (Don't worry, he didn't crush her hand.)
Personal connverse week for an anonymous Ko-fi tipper! Prompts, details, and polaroid border effect also by anon.
#connverse#Connie Maheswaran#Steven Quartz Universe#SU#my shiz#Ko-fi#Ko-fi request#anon#Man I really wanna watch Talk To Me but I can't. 😭 (Whining in case I jinx myself and actually can watch it sooner.)#I'm gonna have to be able to sleep at least 8 hours first to keep my thoughts from separating my head while watching it.
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guys please pray for me
#I don't know how to explain what's going on but I'm struggling and don't know how to get a handle on it#I think that there's two issues going on that are probably somewhat intertwined because I'm fixating on them as such#so maybe I need to separate out the one that is stupid and I shouldn't be fixating on it#and then just focus on the other thing as it is and not as a symptom of whatever else#idk but it's so weird and complicated that I just can't figure out how to explain it#and I've gone to my mom over stuff related to this enough lately so I won't again#idk I'm just. maybe I'm having a hard time because I'm so tired. I've been getting up early every day this week#and yet still can't fall asleep earlier so I'm not getting enough sleep I don't think.#I haven't had a break since friday#maybe that's part of it#bc I was fine for a while and then this week I'm fixating on what ifs and my own failures (that are somewhat out of my control#because I... don't know how to capture my thoughts while I'm literally mostly asleep? probably habit when I'm awake lol)#so i think there's a level of spiritual attack making me fixate and also just#tiredness#yeah.#anyway.#prayer request
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#it's 1:30am and I can't sleep so have this early morning wholesome wednesday doodle#I actually really like this but can't tell if it's actually good or if I'm just super tired XD#they're taking a selfie if it's hard to tell idk#gap tooth tails just cause I thought it'd be cute#wholesome sonic and tails wednesday#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#sth#tails#miles tails prower#Tails Miles Prower#doodles#my art
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This holiday season, I am BEGGING you guys to be aware of and kind to the guests at your house who are afraid of /uncomfortable around / allergic to animals.
#if you don't grow up with animals. having an animal in the space you're in (especially a poorly trained one that WILL jump on you when you#sit down) is a very uncomfortable experience and I'm tired of acting like I'm okay with it#my cousins actually brought their new puppy to thanksgiving and we had to explain to them that we can't have their dog out of his cage#because my mom's allergic to dog hair and can't have dog hair all over the not puppyproofed home she lives in#as the acting eldest daughter i've grown more accustomed to animals in defense of my siblings#since I'm more okay with dogs i have to hold the leash when my aunt brings her dog on a bus tour unannounced and i have to stand between a#four foot dog that is jumping and barking at us and my siblings#one night when we stopped on my way to college i didn't even sleep much because i had to make sure the cats that were in the room my littl#e brother and i were sleeping in didn't climb on him in the middle of the night#like this may seem like a 'oh just deal with it!' but you CANNOT 'just deal with' it. that's not how fear works.#i have more thoughts on this matter but i will keep them to myself unless asked#kazzy has opinions (rare)#kazzy rants in the tags#but i will also add that i very distinctly remember my three year old brother crying and shaking with fear as my grandpa and my uncle forced#him to pet a dog and wouldn't let go of him or let him down until he had pet the dog and it still makes me cry to this day
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another thread that connects kabru and mithrun
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#mithrun#dungeon meshi spoilers#kabru#kabru of utaya#I can't stop thinking about them#i should really sleep#crazy how impactful utaya is and we dont even have a proper arc about it#the pacing would've been skewed thought so i'm glad
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hmmm thinking about how both Knuckles and Licho have been stuck in a single place for as long as they remember, Knuckles completely isolated and Licho unseen by anyone for a very very long time hmm
#licho learned to possess people but it chose to be violent about all of that#lmao#still figuring it out I'm thinking what skills my little thing could have I have some ideas and others I'll polish some time later#I was thinking about how this entire au. Beyond meeting licho is about knuckles looking for the pieces of the master emerald#so he can be guardian again. basically#and while the me is Knux's purpose and collecting all its pieces will allow him to return Home hes also basically trying to return#to the way things were originally where he was stuck on angel island. basically forever#and licho wants that emerald so it can finally free itself it's like the opposite thing for both of them#god I wanna write something about this but I wanna start for them beginning and that's like a year in the past brother#many things have happened#fon knux to end up in spiralside and spiralside ain't the end either sncnskckd#pls forgive if this isn't written very well I'm not feeling up to writing my thoughts rn I'm just thinkingggg#thinking sooo hard rn#licho the spirit#I need to go to sleep it's 5am again but I had a nap and I can't sleep anymore urghhh
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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?
Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.
Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.
With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.
So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.
#one piece#sanuso#zosopp#long post#nemotime#does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep#bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh#listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole#'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help#when they need it#the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing#sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow#also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities#not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao#the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows#there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with#each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are#also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way#maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe
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Single Sentence (Drabble) Sunday Monday
so was tagged by @kiwiana-writes and snatching the open tag from @rmd-writes for this cuz i can definitely write a long sentence, so keeping it to 100 words and actually telling a story with it—let's try?!
the rules are: write a true drabble, aka exactly 100 words, that is also one sentence long. That’s it. Topic, fandom, etc is up to you. Let your emdashes, semicolons, and purple prose run free, and just have fucking fun with it.
Liam knows the man across the bar is Pez, Henry’s best friend and Alex’s apparent comrade-in-arms when it comes to getting Henry to do crazy things … like right now when they are in this hole-in-the-wall bar, Alex and Henry on the damn karaoke stage serenading each other all night; even with all the ruckus they make on stage Liam can’t take his eyes off Percy—the way the bar lights make his skin glow in an almost ethereal way, he plucks up every ounce of courage he has to walk across the bar and bask in some of that.
OPEN TAG FOR ANYONE WHO MAY WANT TO DO THIS
and tossing out a few no-pressure tags @adreamareads @typicalopposite @cha-melodius @taste-thewaste @tailsbeth-writes
@duchessdepolignaca03 @sparklepocalypse @judasofsuburbia @thinkof-england @hgejfmw-hgejhsf
@softboynick @eusuntgratie @tinyarmedtrex @caterpills @stratocumulusperlucidus
@piratefalls @porcelainmortal @firenati0n @ninzied @thesleepyskipper
@anincompletelist @myheartalivewrites @blueeyedgrlwrites @inexplicablymine @everwitch-magiks
#southern philanthropy#liam/pez#cuz i can't help it#i really thought this would have been smutty but apparently i'm all tapped out with that silly 19k fic of smut posted#this was a great way to spend the time insomnia won't let me sleep anyway#oh and i suppose there's some of those other boys in this too#firstprince
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Never underestimate how badly fatigue can fuck your whole life. It sounds like a mild symptom that's unpleasant, but can be largely ignored and pushed through. It isn't. It's lose lose. You push through and you just get more exhausted. You rest and you feel like the scum of the earth when you end up doing fuck all for days or weeks at a time, and getting depressed makes you more exhausted. All exhaustion all the time, baby.
#I'm having a bad time 😭#I wish I was capable of like. Basic household tasks beyond the absolute bare minimum#I'm praying I get better after my thyroid issues are dealt with#I can't live like this#I'm sick of waking up after 10 hours of sleep still dead tired and having my first thoughts be suicidal ideation
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Sanji has arachnophobia but like. The type of arachnophobia that makes you have panic attacks even if you only see a little, tiny spider around you. And I just know Usopp would love to have a pet spider. They go to an island and Usopp finds a hurt spider and takes care of it because of course he would, and decides to keep it because of course he would.
So, uh, Sanji doesn't like his boyfriend's pet. It's not like he's going to tell him, because what would he say to him? Sanji hasn't told him his fear of spiders is that bad (he definitely knows, though). And he doesn't want to get in between Usopp's excitement of keeping her. So the spider stays and at least Usopp is aware that Sanji doesn't like her, so he doesn't let her go close to him (she's very polite so it's okay).
But Usopp loves having her around. On his shoulder, his head, his hands-- The guy brings her with him everywhere. And the little thing is smart and somehow seems to understand what Usopp says. They're happy. It's cute. Luffy absolutely loves her. Robin is literally thrilled to study her behavior. And Sanji can't even look at her because he will start hyperventilating the second he notices her.
He'd try to get over his fear of her because Usopp wants them to get along but he won't force it on Sanji. Sanji just knows he wants them to be friends. The spider lives in Usopp's terrarium, which he keeps in his workshop, and so Sanji goes there without telling his boyfriend.
And he tries. He really, really tries. He's shaking when he sees her there, even if she's inside the terrarium. He's barely able to breathe when he tries to get her out of there. Again and again repeating the words Usopp constantly tells him "She's more afraid of you than you are of her" (which is bullshit, in Sanji's opinion) and "She only wants to be your friend! She likes you because I like you" (something extremely romantic but Sanji's brain doesn't process it that way).
He's about to call it a day and try to calm himself down before he actually stops breathing for good. But. You know. The terrarium is on the edge of the table that's already full of Usopp's stuff and the tablecloth is long and- And the terrarium falls and breaks and the spider ends on Sanji's foot-
He doesn't want to do it and it happens in instinct and regrets it immediately, but he kicks the spider. He doesn't know where she lands and he doesn't react immediately to it because he's too focused on trying to learn how to breathe again. He sits on the floor around broken glass and dirt and doesn't realize what he's done until he starts looking for her again. It's not even because of Usopp anymore. She's just a spider. She hasn't done anything but... Existing. She shouldn't be blamed for that. Even if Sanji is afraid of her.
Sanji looks around for her without getting up and finds her alive and well and crawling around avoiding the glass, but also trying to stay away from Sanji as much as possible. That breaks his heart because he might not know what she thinks the way Usopp does, but he knows when someone is scared.
At least she's okay. She's alright. That's a relief.
"I'm sorry, I-" He feels a bit stupid talking to her like this, but he knows she gets it. He hopes she does. "It's not you. You're- He loves you, okay? You're a good girl. I just- I just can't."
He feels his chest tightening when she approaches him ever so slowly, but he knows she won't do anything. His heart doesn't share the same sentiment, but he quiets it down. She looks almost apologetically as if she was the one reassuring Sanji and not the other way around. "It must be tiring." He holds his legs close to his chest to make space for her to walk next to his feet. He feels like he's about to pass out, but she's respectful. And nice. And kind of cute, even. And she's Usopp's. Sanji thinks she tilts her little head confusedly. Thinks, because he isn't quite sure if they do that. "It sucks, right? People being afraid of you all the time. I- I can't say I'm not scared but- But you haven't done anything wrong, little one."
She stays there and doesn't move much for a few seconds, until she ends up crawling up and resting on top of Sanji's shoe. The same way she does when she spends her time on Usopp's shoulder. Sanji isn't that afraid anymore. He's overwhelmed and exhausted and really, really anxious, but he trusts her. Somehow.
Sanji looks around the room, his heart clenching with blame. "I'm sorry- For your home. I'll build you a new one. Well. Not- Not me. I don't know how to. Usopp will. Shit, he'll hate me after this..." But before he can start dwelling on it, the spider moves a little on his leg. And It isn't as bad as he thought. If she's going to murder him in his sleep it's a bit deserved after all. But she won't. He hopes she won't. "You know, you're kind of cute." She tries to crawl up to his knee, but it makes him jump a little. "Don't- Not really ready for, like, upper body touching. Please?" And somehow, she listens and goes back to her position. "Damn, you can understand what I say, can you? Smart girl."
And she doesn't say anything, but Sanji takes it as a yes. Both because he likes talking to her and also because he doesn't want to feel so damn stupid.
A few hours later, Usopp goes back to his workshop and finds Sanji asleep on the floor, lucky he didn't touch any shards of glass, and the spider rests on his foot happily. Or at least it looks like that for Usopp.
He'll ask what happened later, for now, it's time to clean the mess without waking up his boyfriend. He's been brave enough for a day.
#i mean not really CANON but this is canon#i've talked about this before i know idc#i saw a spider today i thought about this#and also i have arachnophobia so sanji does too#'spiders can't be happy or empathetic to human-' i do not care she's my friend now#she loves her dads that's sanuso's child#please imagine a cute little cartoony spider#cutest thing ever. sanji makes her food for spiders with. idk. whatever spiders eat#honestly i know nothing about these little bastards i'm too afraid to look for info if i see a picture i'll start sobbing uncontrollably#sanji falls asleep talking to her bc being afraid and crying is exhausting#she can't sleep but she's there supporting protecting him yay#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso
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wait a minute
stop.
stop it.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mha spoilers#mha 423#I didn't hate this chapter before that#but now I am#because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS?????#yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently#so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku#I don't care honestly.#I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then#but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters#even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again#and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter#I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there#but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE#and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him#and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more#even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa#and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS#the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before#it's worse now#like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear#all while protecting him from harm one last time#AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA#I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA#I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus#I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW#I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping#kurogiri
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starting to get restless so i'm going to the gym now but have this javieran wippy in the meantime cux i miss posting here
#sorry i have no thoughts lately i'm so tired from work#things have been ... rough but i have tomorrow off too so i think i'll be feeling a little better by then even tho i destroyed my sleep sche#dule OTL#depression is my biggest opp because it prevents me from thinking about Anything and if i can't think abt my gay cowboys then i have nothing#to live for anymore :/#anyway i really hope i can finish this piece#it's lowk kicking my ass cuz i never ever ever want to finish or render or paint or even colour anything#so for me to have gotten this far already is worrying cuz i my just. never finish it LOL#we'll see#anyways if anyone wants me to talk abt the actual premise or thots behind this piece feel free to ask but i'll def talk more abt Them when i#post the actual finished piece. if i do.#anyway#i don't think i'll tag the characters so as to not clog the tags up but i will tag as#javieran#because i'm the only one who uses the tag anyway#and for organization purposes#rdr2#hero never finishes anything
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some postgame doodles for pride month
#martzipan#komahina#hajime hinata#nagito komaeda#domestic kmhn likers pspspsps cmere#i never draw just fluff/domestic things bc i get too in my feelings lmao. this one was no exception#i had to take a break midway through bc i got sappy. IT'S OK THO we got it done :3#neways these tie into some headcanons of mine so i'm gonna share 'em here#mainly i hc them having little ways where they just look out for each other#komaeda is usually the only one who can convince hinata to take a goddamn break without having to forcefully drag him away from his work#bc hinata does NOT take enough breaks. and he does not listen to reason#until there is a komaeda who is tired and can't go to sleep without his human teddy bear :((( can't let him go to bed aloneeee#n i think hinata just. casually feeds komaeda ALL the time#bc he won't eat enough on his own. and if you offer him food he'll be inclined to see it as a nicety and try to reject it#but if you just. Put Food In Front Of His Mouth. he'll eat it#it's kind of a reflex like komaeda doesn't realize he's being fed most of the time#they take care of each other bc they won't take care of themselves otherwise lmao. it's a little dysfunctional but they're trying#i think once they've recovered enough to be able to just enjoy each other's company they get REALLY really giggly#they have a lot of teenage/young adult love stuff to catch up on and since they didn't really have a puppy love phase. they laugh a lot#they'll try to do something tender or sweet but then one of them will start to laugh. and then it's not long before the other breaks#komaeda usually breaks first. bc he's always in awe of just how happy he is. bc he never thought he COULD be this happy#not without hell looming just over the horizon anyways#when hinata breaks first it's bc he's thinking of how much they've both been through and put each other through#and he's just sort of like 'how the fuck did we end up here'#(btw komaeda snorts when he's trying not to laugh. this is just fact trust me)#OH AND I HAVE MANY HEADCANONS ABT THEIR SLEEP STUFFS#as stated hinata runs hot and komaeda runs cold. but ALSO#hinata's a sprawler. komaeda gets Clingy. it works out for them tho#if komaeda doesn't have hinata to hold like a body pillow he'll curl into the tightest little ball. it gives him back pain lmao#oh and yes. they absolutely wake up with their legs incredibly tangled together
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letterboxd users absolutely flabbergasted that a movie underlines its point about a toxic social norm with cinematography, instead of having characters say they're gonna do a Toxic with their mouth
#''guh guh guh but the camera in the substance hates women''#1. if you see a 60yo woman on screen and think ''wow i can't believe they want us to think she's an ugly hag'' you already think it#2. a woman is a gross human like everybody else#3. most of the characters except maybe SOMETIMES elizabeth are CARICATURES#4. sorry they didn't include a happy ending where society becomes feminist did you want to forget people die?#like okay i can't say i didn't question a little during the movie if having so many ass shots that you kinda get disgusted by it#was like. not also a little bit TOO fanservice-y for some parts of the audience to get#and end up not serving the message but just reinforcing the objectification#and i'm not 100% sure i have 100% of the answer but what the hell the director isn't responsible for the people who sleep in the backseats#it happens to every movie#i would very much like to know what people who thought the movie missed the mark on feminism have to say#but so far every time i've seen a comment start like that#it ends with smth like ''if i can see the actress is old that's unfeminist''#or ''this woman having agency in her life and making bad and/or immoral decisions is unfeminist''#christ#broadcasting my misery#the substance
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