#I can't really keep up with my life
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courtmartialme · 1 year ago
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woag .. otp
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bacchuschucklefuck · 8 months ago
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
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you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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vaguely-concerned · 3 months ago
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just had the thought 'in the end the most important thing varric taught rook was how to make a home for, with, and in other people' and then I had to go lie down on the floor and clutch at my head in unceasing agony for a few hours, as you may well imagine. hawke and the kirkwall crew........ in the end you kind of saved the world a bit in the most characteristically indirect and chaotic of ways. not by anything in particular that you did or achieved or accomplished (lmao imagine!), but just by -- having existed, and by the love that was always there, despite it all, in all its imperfections, even when no one was saved by it in the end. you're not here right now and you're not quite haunting the narrative but I hear your voices bickering and arguing and laughing from the other room. (and so, I think, does varric. all the time.)
'did you think you mattered, hawke? did you think anything you ever did mattered?' yeah actually, varric says with da2 and keeps saying through the series. you were here. and I loved you. and as it turns out that mattered more than almost anything in the world, no matter how long it lasted or how fucked up it was at the time or what else happens, because varric manages to pass that feeling, that intangible... home, that echo of you all as you were together, that love, hopefully the best parts of it, on to someone else for them to bring with them on their journey, with their family. and maybe the world will be kinder this time. you never know. merrill's line of 'Everything affects everything. We were born, a bunch of things happened, and now we're in a mess with our friends.' varric's greatest fear of becoming his parents. even through the wreck and the ruin of the world, ghosts upon ghosts upon ghosts of love -- malcolm hawke, who we never even see, but his life touched hawke's and hawke's touched varric's and varric's touched rook's and rook is passing it on to the family they're creating. the unbroken legacy of love shines through in ways that are stronger and stranger than any magic. help
#I woke up. I opened my eyes. this insight hit me over the head like the fist of god. what the fuck. what the FUCK#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#hawke#varric tethras#dragon age 2#dragon age meta#let me live please I've barely reached consciousness I can't deal with this#the kirkwall gang.#what if they were secretly the most important people who ever existed. just because they existed. and for the love that was there#yeah you know what? that's not the worst legacy in the world is it.#da:tv really is da2 2 in some key ways. to me. one of the most da2 lovers or all time#also extremely da2 and also varric core for varric to adopt a kid (as a full adult) completely alone with hawke possibly dead#and STILL somehow manage to make it a varrichawke lovechild on some level. not romantic not platonic but something even more insane#every day varric is unbearably intimate with hawke through the narrative in ways he simply Cannot be with anyone in real life#(in ways you perhaps Should not be in real life. also. lol)#he keeps moving on no matter what b/c that's what you do. but I think varric's real home isn't even kirkwall or a place at all#it's a time. and that time is da2. or at least the story of da2 that he tells himself.#also also what about them themes around parenthood huh. I think varric in the end at least did not become his parents. thank god#trauma gets passed down. but so do other things and you have choices about what you want to leave behind#for those who come after you.#*tears streaming down my face* guess I have to go make breakfast and pretend everything is normal then. sick and twisted
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radiance1 · 3 months ago
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Mystic Flour Cookie and Child Reader drabble
"Not even the very gods are immune to suffering." Mystic Flour Cookie whispered softly as she ran a hand through your hair. She knew not the reason, nor the power, that had brought you from your world into that of her own. But she couldn't find it within herself to be irritated or disquieted about that fact.
In fact, she could even say she was... pleased.
Whatever power had granted her one true desire... She was thankful to it. To drag the very god that pulled her from the void, imbuing her very dough with strength, bestowing upon her only but the best of toppings and a beascuit leaps and bounds ahead of others to lessen the time between each use of her power.
Even granting her own wishes.
Doing away with the flesh of your divine body in exchange for crispy, fresh dough. Infused with the divinity that you so truly deserved, despite having no level of enlightenment and then, to have you descend upon none other than her. For her to be the first and only one to be granted the privilege of laying eyes upon your new vessel.
Yes.
She was pleased.
"One day, you and I shall crumble, too." She murmured, staring at you through half-lidded eyes. She wiped away the tears at the edges of your eyes with the edge of her sleeve. "Yet that day, shall not be today."
Such a truly benevolent deity you were. This kingdom... Its Cookies... Their ideals of peace, friendship, love and joy. All of it, would be non-existent without you, without the very foundation you laid out for them... The effort and time you put into a world not even your own.
Even going as far as granting wishes.
Cookies... Such greedy creatures. They cannot, will not, comprehend the true depths your very presence entailed, what effort and suffering you had gone through to make this kingdom as truly grand as it was.
They will take you for granted, just as the Cookies of far ages past had done for her. Taking and taking, wanting and wanting, demanding more, and more from the deity that merely wanted the best for them.
In the end, the greed of those who you wished to keep happy would be your downfall....
But why would she let you go through such suffering, to reach the same conclusion she had reached herself....?
You were here. Safe with her. Only, with her.
And the Realm of Apathy shallow envelop you... Welcome you... Protect you....
Yes...
She smiled, eyes slipping closed as he continued to run a hand through your hair.
The greed of Cookies... The suffering and woes of life... Apathy shall shield you from all.
Until the day you, and she, returns to flour....
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krillonthegrill · 2 months ago
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double exposure makes me so angry, not because i hate it, but because i'm like...damn THIS is the game with the most PoC queer rep?
THIS is the game that sets up the black woman with powers i've been wanting for years?
THIS is the game with black people who have ties to the main plot AND don't sell drugs? and a QUEER black man in academia, no less?
THIS is the game with an out and proud trans lesbian? who i believe is also not white?
THIS is the game with an indigenous lesbian that talks about being indigenous in-game, which i don't believe we've ever had before despite the original LiS story having ties to indigenous history?
it's THIS ONE?!?!
goddammit DeckNine. you HAD to fuck Chloe over in THIS ONE? you just had to give the finger to pricefielders? you couldn't hold back? UGH i need to be sedated
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lunarharp · 6 months ago
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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morelikesin · 3 months ago
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🐶 Y'know, I fall in love with you all over again when we go on dates like this, Max.
🐰 You're getting a pass for that awful pun because you're the prettiest thing this side a' the world, Sam.
🐶 What can I say? I'm as corny as Kansas in August.
🐰 And as normal as blueberry pie.
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shannonsketches · 10 months ago
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Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,
Anime:
GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)
VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!
Manga:
GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.
#dbtag#I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd#Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao#they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of#Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind'#and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life'#toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned'#and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit'#girl hWHAT#Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants#to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!!#Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies#They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted#He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok#He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be#because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that#Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt#+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow#realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??'#now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader.#and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat#you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play.#You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here#And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship#and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there#you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad#anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay#And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe
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marzipanandminutiae · 9 months ago
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days since last had breakdown about the fact that I'm 31 and have only had an INTERVIEW for one (1) full-time job in my field- and it wasn't even in a part of my field that interests me -in seven years of looking: 0
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bloggingboutburgers · 18 days ago
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Tbh I feel like going to the US while the Nazis are in power is suicidal. So of course I don't understand your choice of going instead of your SO coming to Europe. But while I don't understand, I wish and pray for you to be safe. Whatever you choose, I hope you guys will be okay
You might be right. I have no idea what the future has in store or if I'll come to regret it. But I've already stated my reasons. As it stands, with the year-long process we've already started and that we can't just flip on a dime overnight, my partner can't come and stay in Europe legally just like that. Legal immigration is not that easy in one way or the other. Also... Yeah, I've stated that before, but one shouldn't underestimate how shitty things have been getting in Europe for the past few years as well, and how the influence of the US (which is huge) is likely to make things worse. So again I'm not 100% sure whether that'd have been better anyway.
Also also... Ima be real, I've shared that before, but the time where I was separated from my partner due to the travel ban was the only time in my life where I had actual suicidal ideation. I don't want this to happen again. That's why I'm making moves so it doesn't, first and foremost.
#tw sui ideation#tw sui talk#again i can't just pick and choose it's actually a really tough process and not just something i can go willy nilly about#it's a bit of a headache having people telling me otherwise#i'll do what i can and we'll keep doing our best to stay safe but it's not like i can just switch roads overnight#i wish i could but it's never as simple#or maybe it is for people who are already us citizens i have no idea#but i'm not quite sure#either way tbh i'm not sure moving to europe as so many people are throwing in online rn is that great a solution either#europe is the us's playground and geopolitically its bitch#some things definitely are better than in the us but in a world where money rules everything i don't feel it's quite as fool proof#as everyone makes it sound#as someone who was born and raised there respectfully#who's felt that influence for life#and btw as someone who also grew up not speaking english and who had to painstakingly learn#don't think you can just move to a random country you can't speak the language of and that everyone will be as nice about it#as if you were a tourist#language is important#my partner doesn't speak my country's language#so yep there's that#i've already said that several times anyway it's getting tiresome#we COULD have tried for the UK in a timeline where those dumbasses didn't choose to leave the EU#but that ship sailed almost 10 years ago#i wonder if anyone realizes that#sorry for saying that after such a wall of text but thank you for the concern though sincerely
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muirmarie · 8 months ago
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thinking about if tos mccoy had died before romulus was destroyed, tos spock could've been carrying his not-quite-a-katra during the events of the aos movies
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paperglader · 2 months ago
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my biggest hotd headcanon is that modern day alicent’s top artist is sabrina carpenter. She’s obsessed. She also sobs to Chappel Roan like a mf when she’s on her own
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ninashiki · 6 months ago
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i feel like almost everything in utena has sort of already been extensively discussed in the last two (almost three) decades of utena's existence (not that there aren't new interpretations to be made, there always are) besides black rose arc (mikage+mamiya+tokiko). which is why they're so much fun to think about. i think the need to read between the lines makes it unfortunately easy to misunderstand or look past obvious stuff if you don't pay attention, but to me it's always been really obvious that mikage's arc is a literal representation of the erasure of queerness in ohtori (society?) by akio/everything he represents. and that's so fucking tragic! nemuro was never able to find a name for his desires. he lived and died as a puppet in the shadows.
#rgu#i think sadly that trigger warning list that people always passed around kind of stunted discussion bc of the assumptions it made#like. i think its okay to say that mikage/nemuro was always in love with mamiya and not tokiko#not that its impossible to interpret him as bisexual (similar to how people see utena as bisexual)#but his love for mamiya is what changed his life (same for utena/her meeting anthy)#one scene i never see people bring up is how#at one point mikage says that attaining eternity wouldn't even make 'her' happy#and then akio questions '''her'' you say?'#the only reason mikage thinks attaining eternity wouldnt even make 'her' i.e 'tokiko' happy is because he just had a conversation#with mamiya where he admitted the whole endeavor was making him unhappy#if anything it would have made tokiko happy to attain eternity and forever preserve her brother like a dead flower#which is what akio does with anthy! so fucked!#ALSO another thing#is that mikage sees utena as tokiko returned#just like how utena meets 'dios' - returned as akio#he claims he will finally beat tokiko - in this place (the dueling arena) - which is kind of foreshadowing utena fighting akio?????#anthy!mamiya says to mikage in the black rose musical:#“You can’t win against her. You will eternally lose to my sister who dwells in your memories.”#or “You will never beat my sister; who dwells in your memories.” in the nozomient translation#which makes so much sense because anthy couldn't believe utena could win against akio either#god i could literally keep going#by read between the lines i mean like how akio actively tries to lie to the audience by saying things like#'mamiya was created for you out of your lingering attachment to tokiko'#of course nemuro/mikage being gay isn't all there is to him bc like always everything in utena has 1000 layers#really love the general theme of becoming static and unchanged forever bc of our attachment to nostalgia/memories/eternity#(re: can't grow up)#tho in mikages case he is literally just a ghost summoned by akio. which the utena sega saturn vn confirms#also definitely people talk about black rose arc (i.e me right now) but i feel like the majority of the fandom kind of side steps it#on tumblr specifically at least?? im not on the fansite forums or discord#rgu meta
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pochapal · 16 days ago
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some of you haven't experienced true hell until you end up drowning in Horrors and your only lifeline is an individual who completely sucks and only views you as a feelgood accessory to augment their own life and you can't seek anything better for yourself because there is a rot inside your body that you cannot fix and scares literally every other human being away no matter what you do so it's either settle for being shoved into someone else's myopic fantasy mold or let every minute of your life be ruled by unfathomable loneliness and terror. as you do.
#:)#the illness is survivable the material circumstances the illness has locked me into are unbearable however#i feel wet and pathetic moaning about this because all this shit really should pale in comparison to the Literal Organ Failure#but you know how much it sucks when everything in your life either stresses you out or bums you out!#like i have uni but that's stressful on account of how unstable my schedule it is#my ability to go places and do stuff is dependent on if i can work around constant hospital appointments#and other people in my life all fail me in various ways!#my parents are understandably traumatised and 24/7 fixated on my health so no reprieve there#my friend is good and lovely but she's barely keeping her own head above water herself#and my partner....complete flop#can't talk about my illness because it upsets him and he needs comforting instead#i have to go visit him on his terms because he won't take time off work and his ocd means he refuses to leave his city#so this obviously limits when/how much i can see him since it's 2.5 hours to reach his house#and when i do see him he only really entertains Cute Gay Romance fantasy so vibe killer conversations are no go#since obviously i'm way less desirable when bumming him out talking about my mortality lmao#but that means that i can't and shouldn't really lean on him in literally any way in any matter#so i spend so many days sitting in my house dwelling on scary thoughts with not much to break it up! absolutely maddening lol#think i would kill sometimes just to have someone around who i can uncomplicatedly cry to but being in your 20s is about Not having that#fuck an organ transplant at this point i'll take having a shoulder strong enough for me to lean on!#maudlin on main again but i'll get over it
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shorlinesorrows · 10 months ago
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qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.
do you see my vision?
#i might add onto this later but right now I'm too busy crying#“misplaced forever partner” ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT DESTROYED ME#neil ordering a hit to keep jean safe changed my brain chemistry#i need them to be friends#i need them to call each other and gossip and send each other stupid memes that only they understand#i need them to slowly grow closer as they heal until one day they can finish each other's sentences#and they ocassionally make super dark jokes about their trauma out of the blue (they bet on how people will react competitively)#i need them to call each other derogatory names but get Super Upset whenever anyone else talks shit about the other and offer to kill them#and i would love them to reclaim the spots next to each other that riko set#and make them their own#they're not partners on the court but they sure as hell are partners in life#the mcs ever#at one point andrew and jeremy are just looking at each other across a table at a restaurant as these two bicker#and realize they have somehow both become the Third Wheel despite the fact that 1) there's four of them and 2) jean and neil aren't dating#the amount of queer platonic pining i could fit in these traumatized people#the: “i'm lowkey obsessed with you but I Really don't like you romantically and I don't know what to do with it”#and the: “oh thank hell me too i thought i was even weirder than i already am. wanna go harass the fbi with me?"#jeremy and andrew watch this trainwreck both exasperatedly and proudly you can't convince me otherwise#cannot convince me that these four won't somehow end up living in each others pockets even if they live 1000 miles away#kevin pops in frequently as his usual wonderful diva self#anyway i'm going insane how yall doing#neil josten#jean moreau#all for the game#the sunshine court
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dr1f7w00d · 14 days ago
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i can't keep doing this
press release
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