#I can't believe it's empty
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It's just guys night talk! Don't worry about it!
(Read Tiger Tiger and shake this man awake so he can finish that thought!)
#tiger tiger#remy bonnaire#jamis arlesi#Comics I meant to post a week ago but I have been...extraordinarily sleepy.#Remy is the ultimate yearner and he is about to explode...these last few updates have had the Tigers discord in a vice grip.#We all knew he was going to say something that would devestate Remy.#But this??? This near confession? “I wish you would look at me like that?”#If I was Remy...well yeah I probably would also just lay in bed. Awake. Pondering and internally exploding.#But ough...the agony...his heart had settled on loving this man from afar and now...now he wonders. If it doesn't have to be so.#The boys are fighting (internally and with themselves).#If you haven't red Tigers yet but are reading this: What else must I do to convince you? Draw more men's tits?#God! If I must [I shake my head at an empty audience] I can't believe I'm being forced to do this!
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Chiho Saito's Illustration Collection artbook is the highest-quality visual media in the Utenaverse. Oversized, single-sided, heavy pages with extremely high quality printing. It is the first artbook I ever scanned.
In 2001, the average screen resolution was 800x600, and I delivered a 1250px wide collection that for a while, took $60 A MONTH to host, because no normal website was hosting images of this ludicrous size. It took my scanner almost an hour to capture a third of each page. I spent months piecing the scans together in Photoshop. It was one of my first true Utena labors of love, and the result is that for decades, these copies have been the definitive copies of Chiho Saito's artwork on the internet. For a very long time, even kinda now, if you see these images, they're probably my scans.
But decades have passed, and I've never been happy with these results, because they couldn't capture the fine details, the paint spills, the sketch beneath poking out, the brilliant use of gradients of dark color to pop the image but drive me insane. What I am finishing up now is a true, archival copy of the artbook. One that delivers such high resolution, that these can print posters larger than the originals, and thanks to some truly brilliant descreening tech, (Thank you Sattva) I've been able to dig up fine details in the work that the printing obscured, but undeniably included.
It's been over 20 years, and it shows. 1250px? Nah, my archive copies are 15,000px wide. I can't wait to finish this and share it with the world. <3
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#utena#revolutionary girl utena#empty movement#chiho saito#it's actually insane how much has changed#I can't believe I'm still here doing this shit lmao
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Captain Francis Crozier, at Furthest North.
#the terror amc#francis crozier#my art#can't believe it took me 2 rewatches AND getting refs for this to realize it's the hungarian state opera house. girl i was there last month#anyway yeah i was looking at gifsets of the last shot of the show and feeling nauseous with emptiness etc etc when#the thought struck me that it looks an awful lot like the tableau vivants from the ep1 flashbacks in its stillness#i have no idea whether that was an intentional reference (a sort of twisted mockery of how that scrubbed and polished portrayal of history#contrasted with the deeply sad and inglorious reality#or some sort of meta about storytelling itself. i'm not really smart enough to say lol) but i made this anyways. enjoy#pattern recognition go brrrrrrrrrrrrrr#i bent over backwards trying to make this symmetric and harmonious. it isn't but if i don't post it now i never will
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it's hard loving yourself
#i can't keep lying to myself#how do you love something that is so unlovable#i'm poison. i come from poison. i have poison inside me and i destroy everything i touch. that's my legacy.#i pour alcohol into the gaping hole inside my chest. it does not heal. not today. maybe tomorrow. maybe it wont heal ever#smoke fills my chest . empty it can be#yet so full of your absence#im nothing but an empty husk of what I once was#and a big part of me was already forcefully ripped away from me when you left#hello hi im back with ghoap angst#can you believe its been a whole week since i drew them#anyways#gummmyart#doodle#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#soapghost#ghostsoap#angst#implied mcd
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I SAID I WAS GOING TO DRAW THAT CAR SO HERE WE ARE (I hope you enjoy this is the stupidest thing I've drawn in months /affectionate)
(I put the image descriptions in the Alt text this time because there's so many images. If it doesn't work please tell me and I'll yeet them in the actual post!!)
happy finale of Wild Life everybody! :D
#would you believe me if I told you that I had to come up with designs for everybody on the spot#cuz I've never actually drawn these guys before#the life series versions anyways#also yes gem is coming with joel#they're a family! you can't separate them!#I imagine it's a bit of a situation like gem is dropping joel off at daycare#even though joel's driving#I hope all the text is readable#I had to sacrifice a bit of visual flair for readability and contrast so I hope it worked well#also the idea of Grian's body being essentially a empty-eyed meat suit/puppet thing#while the actual Grian emotes with the giant floating eye thing is really funny to me#partially taken inspiration from mambodork's buttercups homeowners association au lol#I also really like this pearl design#I don't know why but her expressions are so fun to me#I tried putting some easter eggs in this despite not knowing a lot of life series lore#for example in cleo's winner's portrait they're being puppeted by another cleo wearing vr glasses! :D#idk I thought it was cool#there's a few more easter eggs/references in here feel free to go look for them#can't reveal all my secrets at once >:3#anyways yeah this brings me an inordinate amount of joy#...frick I forgot my tags#uhhh#whiteboardartstudios#original post#I guess#my art#?#life series#trafficsmp#traffic smp
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I imagine Bakugo to be very lightweight and Deku to be very good at drinking. Will surely piss Bakugo off 😂
One more days to go and bnha will officially be over guys :') how are you guys feeling?
#bnha#bakudeku#bkdk#mha#bakugo#izuku#bokunoheroacademia#I can't believe after this week I will never have to wait for another bnha chapter again#I'm feeling such an emptiness :')#But at the same time the ending doesn't seem like an ending 🙂
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Mariner's story line this episode being about her seeking out domesticity and community was fascinating to me. Especially considering she starts the episode by complaining that she'd rather go to a (presumably fairly regular) Taquito Night with her shipmates than go on an undercover mission that's objectively pretty exciting and unusual compared to what the Cerritos normally does.
I've said before that Mariner gives "homebody who's idea of home just happens to be high energy space adventure", but damn this episode really leaned into that in ways previous episodes haven't.
#lower decks#beckett mariner#lwd#star trek#st lwd s5 spoilers#lower decks spoilers#also I can't believe they made her leave her little found prison family 😭#I'm going to ignore her comment about an emptiness that used to be filled by the love of her jail family#like she clearly DOES have both found and biological family on the Cerritos#that's kind of a big part of her character#which is also why I found her story this episode a little odd#not bad just odd#like you know you're gonna go back to a ship full of people that love you right?#why is finding that on this random planet you know you'll have to leave so important?#like I feel like the point of building those kinds of relationships is that you DON'T plan to leave#but tbh the whole thing was played for comedy so like#they probably just didn't put that much thought into it...
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Oh dead female character haunting the narrative save me... Save me dead female character haunting the narrative.... Save me
#empty thoughts#mara she ra#She ra mara#Rose quartz#Pink diamond#Honerva#<- technically#There are more I just can't think of them right now#Leaf plantar#Yes I know and understand female characters being fridged is bad but also#When done right it fucking slaps#Edit- can't believe I forgot my girl#laura vanderboom
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THE MONSTER IN THE RUINS OF SHIP FIVE
Pairing: Vash the Stampede/Nicholas D. Wolfwood Canon: TriStamp/TriMax mix Rated: Teen and Up Audiences Word count: 72.3k
Main tags (check AO3 for complete tag list): Canon Divergence, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Creature Vash, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, lovingly dubbed the 'get loved idiot' fic
Summary:
Months after the July disaster, Wolfwood is asked by a small town to kill the monster that lives in the vestiges of an old ship. Although he refuses, a little girl's plea not to hurt her friend sends him on a new course—not knowing the beast he'll find in the wreckage might need help more than killing.
read it on AO3
#trigun#vashwood#trigun fanfiction#beelio writes#oh man I can't believe it's done!!#big 'now what' feelings#and accomplishment#and emptiness#welp!!
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tbh i think the most important thing to remember about hope is that to have it is a choice you must make over and over and over again no matter how much the despair tries to lie to you. i would argue i am on the brink of despair most of the time BUT i choose to hope, and that's what matters at the end of the day.
#'how do you have so much hope?' because i decided to.#i decided- consciously- that i would rather live this one futile life believing in a better future than wallowing in self pity and despair#hope is a choice#it's a discipline#your hope can't be wishy washy or baseless or empty#i'd go as far as to say#hope is not 'it'll be fine'#hope is 'we will make it fine. because we've made it fine before. maybe we can even make it better.'#anyway!! despair lies to you and it's unproductive and that's not to say you can't feel the bad feelings#grief and rage and anger and frustration are important aspects of the human experience that we can't lose!#but we have to use those feelings to fuel hope#not let them rot into this mangled mess of cynicism#radical hope#hope#hopepunk
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i am officially Moved In !! first night sleeping in my flat tonight, filled with all my belongings, so messy & so mad & so mine 🥰🥰🥰
#all my friends in edinburgh came to help me empty my old flat!#(bar one who is away so we'll forgive them)#& it was so cute#now my living room is an absolute mess of bags & boxes & books#but i will get the kitchen finished & bathroom cleaned up tonight#& my bedroom is done#so the living room & study can be steadily sorted over the evenings this week#i can't believe it !!!#a blank page; a rewrite#edinburgh era
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Expecting a man to ask conversation-carrying questions is futile. It will never happen. So instead I've been acting like a podcast host interviewing a guest, and dang. Those conversations get kinda deep.
#i've had three separate men begin WILLINGLY TO TALK ABOUT RELIGION#usually they will listen to me talk about my faith and say nothing about their own aside from the obligatory 'i'm not really religious'#but as soon as i started asking interview-style questions suddenly they want to talk about all of it#'i used to be christian and now i don't really know what i believe'#'i can't reconcile what i used to believe with the reality of the world i live in every day and i feel so empty'#'i believe in something but i have no idea what this isn't all there is'#ouch#this makes me realize how little i listen to people to hear from them and more just want to get to the part i want to talk about#and i guess mocking people for not being interested in keeping a fairly boring conversation going is not the way#because letting them speak and listening has always taken the conversation to a more interesting place than if I'd said my bit
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ZOO TIME! 🦗 🐔 🐍 🐂 🐖 🐐
#ai's random art#hirogaru sky precure#hirogaru sky pretty cure#precure#pretty cure#battamonda#kaiserin undergu#minoton#kabaton#wonderful precure#skearhead#KINDA NOT REALLY BUT his tag is empty and I'm like half of the active audience#caprikon#bc I love her#ANYWAYS I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE HAVING A FUN NICE DAY AT THE ZOO I JUST KNOW THERE WERE SHENANIGANS#the garugaru appears and they're all simultaneously 'alright guys who was it? not me for sure'#i was looking forward my girlie and suddenly had EVERYONE having a cameo 10/10 feeling. still riding that high
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and now i can conclusively say it. none of season 15 makes any goddamn sense. at all
#it's just not cohesive it feels like a frankenseason of different episodes and themes and forced callbacks all stuck together#and chuck amara jack billie the empty all of it makes no sense#why are any of them doing what they are doing? unclear. except for 'chuck is manipulating them' ig???#but adding 'they were being manipulated' at the end doesn't retroactively make everything make sense#i can't believe i'm longing for the s13 or even s14 plot but at least those were coherent#season 15 is BAD yall. it's bad#spn
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Some Fun Statistics
Characters who are not beating the gay allegations (highest 'yes' vote):
Dorian Gray - 93.6%
Sherlock Holmes - 89.5%
Grantaire - 87.8%
Characters with an unblemished record of heterosexuality (highest 'no' vote):
Anne Shirley - 74.1%
Jane Eyre - 44.6%
Matthew Cuthbert - 36.9%
Pairings who are definitely making out sloppy style (highest 'yes, they at least kissed' vote)
Achilles & Patroclus - 89.2%
Carmilla & Laura - 84.6%
Gilgamesh & Enkidu - 79.4%
Pairings who are sitting 5 feet apart cos they're not gay (highest 'no, they're not queer' vote)
Anne & Diana - 71.3%
Emma & Harriet - 20.2%
Macbeth & Banquo - 18.4%
Most controversial (most even split between 'yes', 'maybe' and 'no')
Lady Macbeth
Bertha Mason
Guy Montag
Most niche (highest 'I don't know these characters' vote)
Valcour & Francisco de Paola - 68.8%
Sue Bridehead - 68.3%
Emily Grierson - 61.8%
#I'm bored and my queue is empty so here's a round up of all the polls so far#can't believe anne and diana have such high no votes. for shame#I guess you don't question it that much when you're like 12. but rereading it as an adult lesbian- fuck those bitches are gay#classic lit
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Logically, anyone has bad days.
But they’re not obvious. Or they don’t look as bad as you might think.
Tony absolutely knows how to be in that place.
But he finds himself on the other side, too.
No matter the rain, the snow, the fog, Peter is a ray of sunshine that will always have so many things to say to Tony. Even in his quieter days, he still has a whole starry sky in his eyes.
Tony is so focused on the stars themselves that he doesn’t pay attention to the void between them.
And then some days, the stars aren’t shining much, and the darkness is taking over.
Peter often disguises it. Tony doesn’t want to invade his space, but some part of him feels bad for not doing something, either. He at least tries to reassure Peter that he doesn’t have to be all bubbly and excited, that he can just… be, y’know?
The kid apparently ignores that.
Until the storm is too much.
Literally.
And Tony gets a call in the middle of Peter’s school time.
Thankfully, Tony was already driving in town. It’s raining a lot. And Peter is trembling in the call.
He apologizes so much. Mostly for not handling school today.
“I woke up wrong,” Peter argues.
Tony is not angry, far from it.
So, quite hesitantly, Peter asks him if he can pick him up. Which Tony already planned by tracking down the kid’s GPS (either from the suit or the phone).
The thing is, Peter isn’t even in the suit to warm himself up.
Tony finds him outside of a flower shop. The poor thing is completely drenched. He looks like an abandoned puppy.
Peter sighs in relief when he gets in the warm, fancy car. Then he’s rambling about the car and school like it’s just a normal day, like he hasn’t run away from class crying.
“Peter.”
The boy gulps, expecting to get yelled at.
Tony sighs and… wraps his blazer around Peter.
“You hungry, kid?” He asks.
“Y-Yeah… I didn’t eat lunch, so…”
As the man imagined.
“Thought of getting burgers for you. But we’re going home, okay? We’ll get it in the drive-thru and you eat just until we get upstate.”
“S-Sounds good.”
Peter doesn’t talk as much. He does eat fast. Besides his metabolism, of course, it seems like Peter hasn’t even eaten breakfast. Tony leaves the lecture for another day, the kid is too miserable.
He doesn’t know how to approach it.
“... You wanna talk about it?”
Tony isn’t stupid.
That flower shop was near the cemetery. Nowhere near Peter’s school.
His smile, even the pretend one, fades away.
Right now, not a single star lights Peter’s eyes.
Tony wishes he could give him all the stars, his own even, to give him hope.
That’s not possible.
And he needs to pay attention to the void, too. Embrace it. Because it’s still part of Peter.
“Kid.”
Peter doesn’t look scared this time.
“... I really appreciate you calling me,” Tony smiles. “I’ll always be here to pick you up, okay?”
“Okay.”
Peter’s eyes grow deep the more his mentor gazes at him.
Tony swears he’ll wrap Peter in three blankets, give him all the hot cocoas in the world, let him pick the movie, and above all… Tony will smother him in hugs.
In days when the void prevails, it might be hard to believe someone could love you like that.
But they do. They will.
#lotus speaks#irondad#fics#my fics#drabble#death mention tw#(not rlly it's mostly implied in the fic)#i feel empty and drained today#i lost my grandfather#he lived in another state so i couldn't go to his funeral#and the last time i saw him in person was nearly 2 years ago#i got to videocall him a while ago at least#but i'm heartbroken#i feel angry and tearful and empty at the same time#it happened so fast that i still can't believe it#vent fic#venting in tags#personal in tags#grief tw#anti starker
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