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parrishh · 4 years ago

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i'm like, 90% sure all of the anons in my inbox right now are actually the same person so, if that's you, i'm just going to answer all of your mister impossible questions in this post since there are a lot of them and this is going to be really very extremely long

"Wait what why is Jordan awake?"/"Is the sweetmetal of declans picture helping jordan stay awake?"

i don't know why she's awake but i don't think it's the painting, because at the end of the book she's outside declan's apartment, not her own. i guess it's possible that she succeeded in making the painting a sweetmetal powerful enough to sustain her even there, but i feel like there's probably a different explanation. i've seen theories that she's inadvertently made herself into a sweetmetal by finally seeing herself as her own person rather than just a copy of hennessy, which is interesting

"And the things about the ley line Idgi? Hennessy wants to stop the power but for what"

i think hennessy thinks shutting down the ley line is the best (or even only) way to get rid of the lace. she hates herself for the lace to the extent that she doesn't even want to live anymore, so of course that's her primary motivation. she feels hopeless so long as the lace has power. she's desperate

"Why did he think adam was in on declans plan? I think the "oh" was more like oh you want to come with bryde of course...."

the "oh" is in response to ronan saying "i'm calling now. i need to see you", before there's even any mention of bryde. adam says "you're here? oh", not "you're here? why are you here?" the fact that he didn't ask why ronan was in town, the fact that he said an "oh" of realization instead, implied that he already knew why ronan was in town. and he could have only known by speaking to declan. i think it was a reasonable conclusion on ronan's part

"Ronan are you being serious????? Why should Adam/Declan drop everything and come fight with you - they didnt even know where you are, they don't know the plan. Then you accuse them of that Moderators plan without questioning them. And I mean, yes, Ronan is easily manipulated and he thinks everyone is against them and Bryde is the only one who cares but come on!!!!!!! Seriously, doesn't he get that he might be in the wrong????"

i mean, i think you hit the nail on the head when you said "he thinks everyone is against them." for a long time, he's been struggling with feeling alone, like he's a burden, like the people he loves don't really understand him. he's never had a healthy relationship with another dreamer, so it makes sense that he feels so isolated from literally everyone he cares about. and now he just found out two of the most important people in his life went behind his back to conspire against him (even if he doesn't have confirmation about adam, declan does admit to it over the phone) which is just...salt on a wound he's had since he was a kid. i'm not saying he's in the right, but i do understand why his immediate reaction was what it was. when you've been hurt like that, it takes some time before you can like, calm down and reconsider your own role in the situation

"Ronan basically dreamt Bryde in his worst dream right? Why does he still trust him"

i mean, i don't know how much we can believe what bryde says, but when he reveals himself as being ronan's dream he basically says that everything that he (bryde) wants, ronan already subconsciously wanted before he even dreamt him. that bryde wants it because ronan wanted it. to admit that bryde is in the wrong, ronan would have to admit he, himself, is in the wrong, too, and that's not easy. especially because a lot of his motivation is saving matthew and not wanting to live with the weight of matthew's life on his conscious anymore. especially because he's felt alone for so long, and now he just found out the first dreamer to truly make him feel less alone is his own creation. he's hurting. a lot. he will admit to being wrong in the third book, i think, but like i mentioned above, that kind of growth takes some time

"I think Ronan actually doubts Brydes plan too bc he thinks stuff like people built the dam, there are living things here, it cost a fortune..... and i personally never see a purpose in what they're doing bc bryde never tells them and ronan obviously doesn't know or he thinks he doesnt. I think he doesnt and he just trudts bryde blindly for now and his insecurities aka bryde take over and rule over ronan. Thoughts?"

i mean, i think ronan sees the purpose. here are his thoughts, directly quoted from chapter 17 when bryde is talking about restoring the ley lines:

"A world where Matthew could just live. A world where Ronan could just dream. A world where every dream was clear and crisp and easy to navigate, so there were never accidents or nightmares. He wanted it."

he wants, as i mentioned above, for matthew's life to not be reliant on his own (which i understand. that's a really heavy knowledge to live with.) he also just wants to be able to exist wherever he wants and with whomever he wants (thinking, for example, about how he wasn't able to get an apartment in boston in cdth), without constantly worrying that the nightwash is going to kill him. poor guy just wants a normal life

"Also did we ever actually see bryde get something out of a dream? Most work did Ronan"

this is interesting. now that you mention it, i don't think we do. supposedly he dreams the orbs, but i can't recall ever seeing that happen? i could be wrong, though

"And why is the nightwash mostly ronans problem? I mean hennessy and rhionna (?) had it very little and who knows if the other dreamers have it"

i think ronan is a much, much more powerful dreamer than any of the others. there's something...More about him. something special about being the greywaren. i don't know what it is, specifically, but i anticipate that's something we'll find out in the final book, and i expect it'll explain why the nightwash affects him more than it does the others

"Who the hell dreamt the mods"

i don't know! i think the most popular theory right now is that it was nathan farooq-lane. i'm not sure how that works, though, since they killed nathan and bryde took the sweetmetal off of lock pretty early in the book (unless nathan isn't actually dead, somehow) (or bryde is nathan, which is another popular theory). another theory is that it was ronan. like, he was feeling so alone and misunderstood that he accidentally dreamt his own persecutors? or it's possible that they were all just dreamt by random dreamers and that's why they felt strongly enough about the "cause" to become moderators, but that's kind of boring

"And why are R B and H so dangerous? Bc of what they're doing?"

yeah, and, i mean, according to liliana's visions, they have the power to end the world

"Can I point out that Idk what everyone is talking about, I dont get pynch possible breakup vibes at all from this book"/"Am I trippin or did I read another book? Because some fellas say there's no pynch"

i think when people say there's no pynch, they just mean that there's very minimal pynch interaction, specifically. because, yeah, even though they're both constantly thinking about each other, it is true that we only get one moment of them actually interacting (the phone call), and it's obviously not a positive interaction

i don't think anyone actually thinks they'll break up. at least, i haven't seen anyone say that and i've been feverishly reading everything under the mister impossible tag, so

"What struck me as really odd was that Adam bought this stupid 14$ waffle which he would have never done a few months back and I dont think he would do it now? 14$ is a lot of money esp for a waffle so why spend it on something as useless as this? And why do the others need Adams money? Are they all on scholarships? Was it just bc he had cash and the others didnt? And why is he treating them like his followers and they treat him as their guardian or whatever like he clearly needs to be honest with them"

okay, first off, i will say, as someone who grew up poor and, like adam, absolutely busted my ass in high school to get a good scholarship so i could go to college, the relief of actually getting that scholarship is...powerful. my financial anxiety definitely didn't disappear once that happened, but there was, at least in my experience, this feeling of "i made it, it's going to be okay now" that made it a little easier to spend money. i don't think it's that unrealistic that he, now having the security of a harvard education, would spend fourteen dollars on something he doesn't need every once in a while. it would be completely out of character for henrietta adam, yes, but it's a bit different now. plus, it wouldn't suit his faux Harvard Adam persona to refuse the waffle because of how much it costs

i think his friends are all a lot more well-off than he is. it was just that they didn't have any cash on them and the waffle truck didn't take card (also realistic, i never have cash on me so i always have to ask someone to spot me when a place turns out to be cash-only)

i think (a) they all look up to him because he has this really calm, cool and collected persona. more importantly, we can assume that they were all struggling with something when he met each of them, since they were all crying. now in swoops this guy who saw them upset and came to comfort and befriend them. of course they see him as something like a hero. and (b) i think he likes that. in high school, he was the one being rescued, not the one rescuing. i think he enjoys being the kind of person he used to wish he could be (ie. gansey. he's being gansey)

"I thought it a bit funny in a weird way that Declan talked about marrying Jordan…I can't imagine he was being too serious about it?"

no, i mean, i don't think he was literally proposing, not yet. he's just really happy for the first time in a long time (maybe ever) and, after a lifetime of pain and trauma and more responsibility than he ever signed up for, i don't blame him for wanting that feeling to last forever, even if he's not really thinking clearly

"Also I think it's amazing they make each other so happy but the ending makes me a bit sad or surprised bc shouldn't Matthew be his nr1 priority now?"

we only have jordan's perspective at the end, so when she thinks that it was clear declan had come out of his apartment looking for her, i don't think that necessarily means he wasn't also looking for matthew. i don't think it's fair to say that, in that moment, he should prioritize either matthew or jordan. he loves two dreams, so he can and should be concerned for both of them equally. i don't think one love is inherently more important than the other just because it's lasted longer or because it's family

#WHEW THIS TOOK FOREVER #thanks for the questions! sorry i don't know what i'm talking about half the time!#mister impossible #mister impossible spoilers #mi spoilers #w's mi asks #answered #anon

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intersex-support · 4 years ago

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Hi! I turned 21 earlier this year and have been learning so much about myself this year. One thing i’ve always known but never done much research on is the possibility of being intersex. As a newborn, doctors took me away from my mom for hours, running all these tests and trying to determine my sex. When they finally gave me back to my mom, they told her I was a girl, and that she should consider going through with surgery to make my genitalia look more “normal” I guess? They couldn’t tell if I was male or female because my clitoris was/is enlarged. My mom basically told them off with a quick little “fuck you, they can make that decision for themselves when they are of age, i’m not changing my kids body without their consent.” Which I am so thankful for!! However that’s all she’s ever told me about the instance. Growing up however was really strange. I got my period at 13 and have had many many issues with it since. Constant ovarian cysts, irregular periods, and lots of pain. I started to develop breasts at a pretty young age, but they just kind of stopped growing at a pretty young age. They’ve been the same very small size since I was probably 9, while all the other women in my family have DD and up size breasts. I also started to explore my sexual and gender identity at a young age, and have identified as non-binary since I was just 16 years old. I’ve been researching endlessly on google, reddit, twitter, etc. and i’ve gotten the general consensus that I am most likely intersex. What do I do/where do I go to determine if I am intersex or not? It makes so much sense to me, but I really want to talk to a doctor or therapist that specializes in these issues and can help me, I just don’t know where to start. Any advice is very helpful and I thank you in advance for taking the time to read my story!! :)

Hi there!

So I’d say that it’s absolutely very very likely that you are intersex. What you’ve described about your experiences at birth is absolutely an intersex experience, with the doctors being confused about ambigious genitalia and wanting to surgically “fix” it even though there’s absolutely nothing wrong. I’m so glad that your mom decided to wait and not have surgery performed on you without your consent, and it makes me so mad that doctors always push that on parents and tell them that they need to make that choice. Everything else you’ve said sounds like an intersex experience, too. Ovarian cysts and irregular periods are also signs of intersex variations, and especially when considered in context with your experience at birth, I really think that you are intersex.

One possible condition that you might want to explore is Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH). The things you’ve described are all symptoms of CAH or NCAH, especially having ambigious genitalia at birth and having irregular periods and cysts later in puberty. If you have other symptoms like “excessive” body hair and acne, those would also be signs, as well as rapid growth during childhood but a short stature later as an adult. There are several tests that doctors can do to diagnose CAH. They can check your 17-OHP levels, other hormones like testosterone and androgens, and the main test for CAH is something called ACTH stimulation. All these tests could lead to a diagnosis, if that’s something you want. Of course, I can’t diagnose you over the internet and it could be something entirely different, but it’s a possibility!

If you’re interested in seeking a diagnosis, you could reach out to a doctor or a gynecologist and explain that you had ambigious genitalia at birth and are interested in seeking a diagnosis. If there’s certain traits that you want to seek treatment for, like painful periods, you could bring that up as well. Explaining your symptoms and saying that you’d like to look into diagnosis is a good way to start conversations with doctors, and if you think it’s something like CAH or another intersex condition, you could bring that up. Your regular doctor or gynecologist can probably refer you to an endochronlogist who is more of a specalist when it comes to intersex conditions, and they could do tests and help you through the process of diagnosis.

I don’t know of any intersex specific therapists, but it might be a start to reach out to therapists who specalize in LGBTQ issues. They might be more informed and be able to help you through this process of discovery and self identity. And I just want to validate that whatever you’re feeling about this discovery that you’re intersex is really valid, and that you’re not alone. I know when I found out I was intersex it was really a shock to me, and I had a lot of conflicting feeling about it, and felt like everything I had ever known about myself had changed. If that’s what you’re feeling, know that you’re not alone, and that you’re the same person you’ve always been, and that you just know more about yourself now. There’s a whole community that understands and has your back. Of course if you’re feeling totally comfortable about this discovery, that’s awesome and understandable too! Being gentle with yourself throughout the process of intersex diagnosis and discovery is so important, and letting yourself feel whatever it is your feeling and taking time to unpack and process however you need. The intersex community on tumblr is full of people who can listen and understand, and I’m also in some really supportive intersex discord servers that I would happy to give you a link to if you come off anon.

Overall, I want to affirm that you are absolutely welcome to identify as intersex and that everything you’ve described is absolutely an intersex experience. I know this process can be hard and confusing, and navigating doctors can be difficult, so feel free to reach out if you have more questions or if you just need to vent. I wish you all the best, anon!

-Mod E

#asks #intersex #actuallyintersex #intersex surgery tw #<3

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obeyme-and-you · 4 years ago

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So... Why is Luke Ten?

Mod Gabriel is in PURPLE

Mod Kimimela is in BLUE

Verses are in Green

So every character in the game is named after somebody. And in the entire NASB and KJV Bibles there is only 1 Luke, so we can assume that they used that name for a reason.

Also why does an Angel, who’s been alive for (presumably) thousands of years look and act like a ten year old child? Why is it that he’s the only character that is aged so young, while everyone else is an adult?(and i believe the devs have said that is what his age he looks like is)

In the search for info about Simeon he is first mentioned in Luke 2:25, and in a fit of inspiration we decided to look at Luke 10. And OHHHH Boy

*MAJOR SPOILERS FOR OBEY ME CHAPTERS 1-22 AHEAD*

(Bible spoilers >.<)

We will put the verse first and then try to explain how they may relate to inspiration for the game.

NASB Luke 10

“1) Now after the Lord appointed seventy others, and sent them in pairs ahead of Him to every city and place where He Himself was going to come.”

For the exchange program that Diavolo had created, everyone was sent in pairs to study abroad in the different worlds. (Two humans and two Angels to the Devildom,and we can assume that this happened for all the realms)

“2) And He was saying to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.

3) Go; behold, I sent you out as lambs in the midst of wolves.”

The MC is sent to a place that is home to demons, with two angels who greatly out power them, and the only other human is a powerful warlock. The MC’s icon at the start of the game is also a lamb. The MC is a lamb, who was thrown into a pack of wolves.

“4) Carry no money belt, no bag, no shoes; and greet no one on the way.”

When the MC is teleported to the Devildom, they weren’t given a warning before getting there, so they were unprepared, unaware of where they were and why they were there, and therefore, wouldn’t have been able to properly pack for this trip.(All the Dialogue options when you arrive show confusion or disbelief on how you even got there)

“5) Whatever house you enter, first say ‘Peace be to this house.’

6) If a man of peace is there, your peace will rest on him; but if not, it will return to you.”

When MC first arrives at the Devildom Diavolo and Lucifer welcomes them to the Devildom. All the brothers (including Lucifer), seem to not particularly care about MC when they first meet them and are not necessarily welcoming either.

When MC comes back to the Devildom with Solomon, (OB chapter 21)all of the brothers are happy to see them and admit that they all missed MC when they left.

“7) Stay in that house, eating and drinking what they give you; for the laborer is worthy of his wages. Do not keep moving from house to house.”

The MC stays at the House of Lamentations, eating breakfast and dinner with the brothers that reside there, and the MC doesn’t leave to live in a different dorm room.(Even when MC’s room gets destroyed 0w0)

“8) Whatever city you enter and they receive you, eat what is set before you;”

MC is welcomed into the Devildom, and is fed food from the Devildom while they live there.(MC gets fed some weird stuff)

“9) and heal those in it who are sick, and say to them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near you’”

Even though the demon brothers aren’t physically sick, the MC does help heal the brothers' relationships with each other.

Verses 10-16 explain that the destruction of the cities that turned them away will be worse off than the cities of Sodom, Tyre, and Sidon.

(No real connection just a summary)

(Something important to keep in mind because it does explain what would happen if MC and the other exchange students were not accepted there, but doesn’t have any proper connections to the story itself at this point)

“17) The seventy returned with joy, saying, ‘Lord, even the demons are subject in your name’

Right as the first year ends, MC makes a pact with all seven brothers, which allows them some control over them.

“18) And He said to them, ‘I was watching Satan fall from heaven like lightning.

19) Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.

20) Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are recorded in heaven.”

When MC gets trapped in the maze under Diavolo’s castle, Henry(the first), Levi’s giant serpent, is unable to injure MC because they summon Asmo (who’s symbol happens to be the scorpion) and he stops it from hurting MC. MC has power over all the demon brothers because of the pacts that have been made, which not only means that they can’t hurt MC because MC can stop them, but because the brothers care about MC, they wouldn’t let anything happen to them to begin with. Verse 20 could be argued that because MC is the descendant of Lilith, therefore part angel turned human, if and when MC’s powers awaken, MC would have a place in the celestial realm.

“21) At that very time He rejoiced greatly in the Holy Spirit, and said, ‘I praise You, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants. Yes, Father, for this way was well-pleasing in Your sight.

22) All things have been handed over to Me by My Father, and no one knows who the Son is except the Father, and who the Father is except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal to Him.”

Diavolo, knowing that Lilith 1) was reincarnated as a human and 2) had descendants, decided to keep this hidden from the brothers. He hid this information from the brothers, who are all wise and intelligent to an extent, but in time had it so that it would be revealed to MC, who, in comparison to a bunch of demons that are thousands of years old, an infant. This was a good call on his side considering the brothers' relationships with each other (especially with Lucifer who knew about Lilith becoming a human) , and the fact that they had no reason to care about MC until that point.

No one knew who MC was except Diavolo and Lilith (not including Barabatos), and then later MC, and then after that the brothers were only told because MC decided to tell them (to help resolve the conflict with Belphie). Who the “Father” is in reference to Obey Me, could be argued for and against both Diavolo and Lilith.

“23) Turning to the disciples, He said privately, ‘Blessed are the eyes which see things you see,

24) for I say to you, that many prophets and kings wished to see the things which you see, and did not see them, and to hear the things which you hear, and did not hear them”

MC was able to see visions of Lilith when she fell, and was able to witness what exactly went down between her, Diavolo, and Lucifer, after they grabbed the grimoire. Later, after the attic scene, MC was able to talk with Lilith and find out they’re the descendant of her. Considering the fact there has yet to be a mention of Henry in TSL being the descendant of an angel, we can assume that Simeon, a prophet, was unable to witness that.(Cause there is no way that's all a coincidence ,But we’ll get to that ;) ) The fact that Diavolo, the prince of the Devildom, takes such an interest in MC and is using them for some unspecified goal enough to change timelines in his favor, hints that he wants them for something only they can do.

It should also be noted that Solomon takes an interest in MC throughout the game, and later calls himself King Solomon the Wise.

Verses 25-29 is a discussion about a lawyer asking Jesus how to inherit eternal life. Jesus asks him what he thinks the answer is and he responds with “You shall love the Lord with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all our mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (v27) he then asks jesus what he means by your neighbor. (More summary not really anything to relate for now)

“30) Jesus replied and said, ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead.

31) And by chance a priest was going down on that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

32) Likewise a Levite also, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.

33) But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion,

34) and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him.

35) On the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I return I will repay you.’

36) Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers’ hands?’

37) And he said, ‘The one who showed mercy toward him.’ Then Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do the same.’”

While this parable doesn’t have strong ties to the game as of yet, it’s important to keep in mind for future updates.

Some connections can be made though, when talking about how much the MC has helped the brothers with their relationships. The MC can be compared to the Samaritan because the MC never had to necessarily help them in anyway. The MC was on their own journey, having to navigate the devildom, school, and the House of Lamentations. The MC came upon Belphie in the attic, and even though there was nothing for MC to gain by helping, they did so anyway. MC also helped the other brothers throughout the story, E.g. helped Levi get back at Mammon, protected Beel and Luke from Lucifer, helped Lucifer and Satan when they switched bodies, helped Mammon prove he didn’t kill anyone on the train, to list a few.

With the information given so far in the game in comparison to this passage, we can infer that MC is the neighbor that the brothers should love as much as they love themselves. (MC really was fixing one problem after another)

Verses 38-42 talk about Jesus being welcomed into the home of Martha and Mary of Bethany, and while Martha prepares for them Mary listens to him teach. Martha asks him why he doesn’t care that Mary isn’t helping, and he tells her that Mary is doing right by listening to his teachings.

These verses don’t seem to have a significance in terms of Obey Me as of yet.

In short there are a lot of details in Luke Chapter Ten that seem to have provided inspiration for the game.(is it really that deep? >.<) This could be all coincidence? But who knows not us!

*insert some slutty, slutty details about how brilliant i am in every way for figuring this out, jk plz dont uwu. Blah, blah, blah, luke is 10 because luke chapter 10, and holy shit is there a lot of connections between luke 10 and obey me like when i first read it i was like ooo like at these few deets who woulda thought, and jesus christ who put this much work into this game cause damn i wanna meet this guy. MC is somehow [REDACTED],[REDACTED], and [REDACTED] all rolled up into one nosy babe. Something about mc is a lamb amongst wolves, something about diavolo prob, diavolo or lilith is mc’s daddio and they [REDACTED], demons, symbolism, idk how a summary works bu like, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯* (professionalism at its finest)

We will next be taking a look at our lovely angel Simeon!

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pastelninjaimagines · 5 years ago

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hi hi!!! how do you feel about road trip with sasuke headcanons or imagine? feel free to add anyone you'd like ofc!! i just absolutely love your take on sasuke, one of the few that actually feel right to me haha. have a nice day!!!!! ♡

Road trip HCs

Since you were cool with me picking some other characters to do such a cute ask for, I picked some faves that i thought would be 10/10 for a road trip…also i’m glad you like my sasuke hot takes lmao…also also these were so fun and enjoyable to write that if y'all want actual imagines with these (or other characters) pls hmu - mod tina

Sasuke

It’s either his way or the highway..so be prepared. Has a map with pre picked locations circled on there for you guys to hit, but he’ll leave the route that you take a little looser. He wants structure, but’ll go with the flow to an extent. Not every single second has to be planned, but he wants direction for the trip.

The car is pretty lightly packed, he doesn’t wanna fuss with carrying too much unnecessary junk. If either of you need anything along the way, he’d rather just buy things as needed. For him, carrying too many things is constricting, and he’d rather feel uninhibited by baggage. He’s also weird about the music. He prefers the radio, but hates commercials so he’ll channel surf until he finds something he likes. Why he doesn’t just make a cd (or aux his phone) you don’t know but he refuses to do so. He’ll say “trying to get the local flavor” and yet settle on the station that’s playing whatever’s popular at the time bc he can’t find anything else with a clear signal

Would definitely rather stick to seeing cities and landmarks for your stops along the way. He really doesn’t wanna get sidetracked with seeing smaller tourist trap attractions or going somewhere that’s way off the beaten path. Reason being is he’s made a sort of imaginary time table for you trip and even though he’s not stated that aloud, he wants to stick to his schedule

Deidara

He’d be a literal blast to go on a road trip with (pun slightly intended). Deidara is full of energy and excitement and is super enthusiastic about having a good time. He’s a little bit all over the place, one minute wanting to drive all day, but then pulling off to see something either on the roadside, or off on an exit bc he saw a sign that piqued his interest.

Definitely wants to hit more of the trendy/artsy spots on the road trip, picking a lot of big cities to get inspiration for his art, and just a genuine interest in seeing the sights. Though, he doesn’t wanna rush to get anywhere, he wants to take his time and go with the flow. Spontaneity is his middle name. so whatever you wanna do on the trip is cool with him too.

80’s rock will be blasting the entire time. So I hope you like his collection of cds bc he’s not listening to the radio. He might let you play a few of your cds if he’s feeling generous. The car’s a mess with things. He wasn’t too organized with packing so he has to buy a lot of things on the way, and what he brought he slowly realizes he didn’t even need. Why he brought snow boots and ski pants for a summer road trip he doesn’t know. Can’t recall what he’d been thinking when he made that call. Also his art supplies literally take up the entire trunk so you better compartmentalize your belongings. Occasionally he’ll get in moods where he’s gotta clear out all the junk (aka all the food wrappers and take out bags) but that impulse is as sporadic as all his other ones. Deidara’s a lot of fun on a road trip but he’s pretty messy and very sporadic so if you’re cool with those things then he’s the partner for you. (Plus he goes on art rants - you’ve been warned)

Dabi

Dabi just wants to get lost. You pick a direction, he drives. Literally doesn’t care where you guys go. You wanna hit all 50 states? Go coast to coast? Never come back? Aight he’s got you fam. Though he insists that you pick where you guys go, he’s got amazing intuition. If you don’t prompt him, he’ll find the most amazing spots. Absolutely down to go off-road and end up in some beautiful and breathtaking part of nature. And he’s down to get out of the car and go exploring.

Likes to pull off to the side of the road at night, get on the roof of the car with you (if the night’s warm and clear) and just gaze up at the stars. Being in the middle of nowhere means you’ve got an amazing view of them.

Dabi, like Sasuke, barely packs anything for the trip. He’s already very spartan with his belongings, so this isn’t a surprise to you that he says if he needs anything he’ll pick it up along the way. You guys happen to go thrifting and antiquing a lot on your various spots so this is where he gets most of his extra clothes and things. Sometimes, he’ll even get kitschy nicknacks from small town souvenir stores that give you both a good laugh.

On the road, he’s quiet most of the time, he’ll leave the talking up to you while he’s driving. He’ll occasionally sing to the music he plays which is a combination of rap and classic rock. He’s not a radio hog and let’s you play your favorites as long as you both know to take turns. On a few occasions you’ve caught him singing along to your more pop-y selections. Dabi’s much more talkative when you guys pull off (either at one of your talked about destination spots or some random spontaneous stops) and loves cracking his famed dry sarcastic comments at everything. At night you guys’ll sometimes talk about deeper things, but the only time he’ll really open up is if you guys stop and drink (or grab a bottle and bring it back to the car/the room if you’re staying at a motel). Other than that, he’s pretty quiet, only speaking when he deems necessary

Mista

Mista is the perfect combination of fun and chill for a road trip. Anywhere you wanna go, he’ll take you, as long as you’re good with the stops he picks out too. You’re the navigator though, you gotta tell him where to go otherwise he might end up getting you guys lost, but if he does, you’ll have an amazing time in a place you’d never thought you’d be because he knows how to make anything a good time. He’ll be talking your ear off with his random facts, commentary and constant cracking of jokes that happen to pop in his head. If he’s not blabbering his mouth, you’re both singing to the music that’s on blast and shaking the car. Mista made the world’s longest mixtape that combined both his faves and your faves so everyone’s happy and singing along (peeping Mista sing his head off to Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac while speeding down the empty highway - it’s a real image)

Loves the idea of taking polaroid pictures at each place you stop at. The glove compartment is littered with the polaroids you take. If it’s not one of “official stop pictures” it’s a bunch of candids, the ridiculous faces you guys make or of pretty scenery. Mista’s actually got quite a photographer’s finesse in him so the pictures he takes are actually really good and you’d almost consider them artsy. Like Dabi, this boy be buying all the small town souvenirs and be decked out in t-shirts, wrist bands, caps from all the little towns that no one’s ever heard of. He be reping that merch like the tackily fashionable mf he is and still makes it all look good

He’s a creature of comfort so he prefers pulling up to a motel to rest at night instead of sleeping in the cramped car, but sometimes, if you guys are just dead tired he’ll throw everything in the trunk so you can both make a nice comfortable nest with the back seats down and curl up.

#sasuke #sasuke uchiha #deidara #dabi #guido mista #naruto #naruto shippuden #bnha #vento aureo #jjba part 5 #akatsuki

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some-creep · 4 years ago

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Creep Ranks: The Dark Souls Trilogy

Because I finally beat all three of them.

Dark Souls 1: I got Prepare to Die like. When it first came out. I was terrible at it so I stopped playing. I beat the Taurus Demon and that was it. I didn’t start playing them again until quarantine when I decided to give it another shot as genuinely as I could. And I was terrible at them again. But instead of giving up I kept trying. Anyway, DS1 was a game I was always hesitant to play because I’m very bad at navigating large, sprawling, interconnected worlds. I am TERRIBLE at games like Castlevania and Metroid because of this so I don’t play them. I didn’t think I’d be able to handle the navigational stuff especially because you don’t get fast travel until midgame. But it wasn’t as hard as I thought. In fact, most of the game wasn’t as hard as I thought. Most of the difficulty of these games is in your head. Like sure, they’re difficult, but you get better and they’re not so scary. Anyway. I used NPC summons a lot because I wasn’t very good at handling bosses on my own (O&S anyone?). Sen’s Fortress and whatever the area before Seath is called with the invisible platforms were horrible and I hated them. I DID them, but I hated them. Those bits in Anor Londo too. You know the ones probably. The amount of thin platforms you have to navigate in this game was more than it needed to be. The HUD is also very ugly. I really liked the game though and decided I wanted to play the others. I initially skipped 2 and went straight to 3, beat 3, then went back to 2. As you do. Anyway DS1 is a great game and if you’re interested try it. I hear the remaster sucks but its the only one you can buy now. Weirdly the switch version of the remaster uses the old graphics, which are better because the lighting is better. Do with that what you will.

Dark Souls 2: I got Scholar of the First Sin, again, around the time it launched. Again. Horrible at it. Got no where. Gave up. At the time of writing this I have not yet done the DLC. I should mention I didn’t do the DLC in 1 either, but started NG+ before doing it so I’d probably have to restart… whatever. DS2 is… I don’t think I can say anything that hasn’t been said before. Mechanically this game just is not very good. I played this AFTER 3, so it felt shockingly easy by comparison. You are showered in souls, levels are insanely cheap, bosses are incredibly slow. Most of the bosses I beat w/o summons, (and none of them took me more than 3 tries...and I SUCK at these games) although I used them for Watcher and Defender because that boss was kinda lame. The final boss was… Yeah. Maybe the DLC has better bosses and I’ll see later. The lock on in this game is broken. Even if you lock on in a 1v1, once you kill them, chances are it’ll zip to an enemy above you that hasn’t seen you yet. This happened more than once. It also tends to favor enemies behind you over ones in front of you regardless of how close they are. If not for all of the weird mechanical hang ups, this game would be the easiest in the franchise. It still is if you can get over them. I installed a mod to make the weapons not degrade twice as fast but I don’t think it worked because they still seemed to degrade incredibly fast. Can’t say for sure. Also there are so many dudes in any given area which I think was done to encourage you to kill them over and over until they stop spawning but that’s also kinda dumb. I don’t know. If you didn’t play 1 or 3 you might not notice some of this. Or maybe you’ll find it even worse. ADP controlling your i-frames while dodging and how fast you drink estus was a bad choice. I probably didn’t hate this game, but I found it to be the weakest. This game got rid of leveling up at any bonfire which also sucks. Wish DS3 hadn’t kept that but oh well. Losing part of your max HP when you die was bad and feels like it only exists to punish new players. But going hollow doesn’t prevent invasions? This game felt like it had a LOT of NPC invasions too. Maybe 1 and 3 do too but I didn’t spend a lot of time human. Hm.

Dark Souls 3: Not long after beating 1, I got this game. It’s the Dark Souls of Dark Souls games. Okay maybe it’s not that bad, but the jump (for me) to 60fps made everything much, much faster. And smoother. Going from PtDE to DS3 is like. Wow. Anyway everyone in this game is incredibly fast and hates you and wants you to die. It also had to wean me off of using NPC summons. Because I didn’t do one of the quest lines, I missed out on summons. So I was forced to just git gud. Lorian and Lothric were very difficult. I found Soul of Cinder to be hard too but I think people disagree with that (I couldn’t summon for either of those bosses so it was just me improving til I won). At the time of writing this I beat the first DLC (streamed beating Sister Freide, that was fun :) ), and started going through the other. Beat Dancer on my first try which I am still very proud of, and the consumed king in two. Did not yet beat Nameless King but I probably will. I think I had the most fun with this one because I was used to the souls formula by now and understood what to expect from things. However, in terms of exploration, this game is the weakest. It’s incredibly linear compared to 1 and even 2. That didn’t bother me because my favorite part is the combat, but I know a lot of people think this game was too boss focused. I dunno. 3 might be my favorite of them all. It certainly has the best looking HUD of the trilogy.

TL;DR: DS1 - Most exploration, some difficult navigational things caused by the environment and not just enemies. Bosses hit hard but GENERALLY weren’t overly fast (but I havent played the remaster) 8/10 DS2: Less exploration, but fast travel from the start. Fewer instances of dangerous walking but a few miserable sections overloaded with dudes. And poison statues. Bosses are slow and it’s easy to upgrade your weapons and yourself. Could be a good place to start if not for all the mechanical jank. 6/10 DS3: The least amount of exploration probably. Fast travel from the start. I can’t remember any sections with pits and dangerous walking. Enemies are incredibly fast and dangerous. Most bosses are incredibly fast too. 9/10

#dark souls #they're all fun #probably just play 1 if you dont know where to start #i hear the remaster is fine if its all you've played #its just more that it doesn't have a reason to exist since it changes so little?#or just play code vein as that was the first souls-like i actually dedicated any time to #didnt beat it though #got very close

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erintoknow · 5 years ago

Text

i said peel the skin raw

fallen hero fanfic time again ~5.2k words [ao3] (9.8k/50k for nanowrimo)

title from [Ripe by Screaming Females]

–––

Dr. Mortum lets go of Jane’s arm as the two of them step into the laboratory proper. No experiments running in the background today. That’s different. Mortum glances back to her friend, a nervous smile to try and ease the tension. It doesn’t work. “Do you want a drink?”

“A drink?” Jane crosses her arms, scans the room. It’s been months since you felt the need to have Jane make a note of the exits in Mortum’s lab. Worktables, computer bank, a makeshift office space offset with fake-walls, everything is way too clean. “What’s with you today? We’re at your place now, can we finally talk about whatever’s going on?”

“I’ve got wine? Champagne, a nice Pinot Noir…”

“Mortum.”

“No? Alas.” Dr. Mortum exaggerates her shrug, brings a hand up to fiddle with her glasses. “How are you doing, mon amie? It’s been a while since we last talked. And a lot has… happened.”

Jane snorts, “Yeah, no shit.” Her expression softens, maybe that was a little too harsh. “I’m sorry. Things have been busy on my end too.”

“Mm-hm.” Mortum nods, not taking her eyes off the wine-rack she’s examining. “Adrestia keeping you busy?”

Jane falters, running her hands up her arms. Some scars, but nothing like yours, smoother. Jane can wear pull off a short sleeve dress like this without any fear. “Y–yeah. She didn’t cause any problems for you at the auction, did she?”

“You know how you advised me to just buy the teleportation gun?” Mortum taps a finger on one bottle, then pulls out the one next too it and moves to pour herself a drink. “She stole it.”

“Ah.” Jane grimaces. “I– actually, that’s part of why I needed to talk to you?”

“Oh? – Are you sure you don’t want a drink?” Mortum holds up the bottle. “Native Californian, 1979, summer before the big one hit.”

“Oh hell, fine.” Jane sighs and lets her arms drop to her sides. “My… my boss wants me to arrange a meeting. To, uh… return your gun.”

Mortum hands Jane a full glass and the two of them take seats around the workshop table. “She wants to meet? With me directly?” Mortum frowns. “In person?”

“Yeah. Tonight, actually. There’s this dinky bar on Melrose called La Catina, she’ll be there at six o’clock.”

“Do you think she suspects anything?”

“I couldn’t say.” Jane takes a sip from her glass. Need to steady her nerves. Need to calm down. Jane doesn’t get jumpy. “I watch my thoughts around her but… you know. How would I know?”

Dr. Mortum swirls the wine around her glass, thinking. “Will you be there as well?”

“I… have my own chores, I’m sorry.” This is a delicate rope you’re threading, but you need to sew these pieces back together before everything falls apart. “For what it’s worth, she’d be meeting you out of armor.”

That gets her attention, “Out of armor?”

“If she knew we were…” Jane makes a face, “planning on, uh, ditching her, I don’t think she’d be offering to trust you with who she was.” There’s a twinge of guilt for lying that blatantly. It’s for the greater good though. Right?

“Truthfully, Adrestia hasn’t been a terrible employer. Always paid on time, resourceful in finding rare materials.” Is Jane holding her breath, or is that you? “But she is dangerous. Liable to end poorly if my experience is any indicator. And then there’s the matter of your mandatory employment by her.”

“Th–that’s true.”

“Mon amie, how did you come to work for Adrestia, anyway?”

“W–what?” Jane gives an uncomfortable laugh and fiddles with the glass in her hands. “I mean, you know… girl on her own, looking to get a leg up in the world…”

Dr. Mortum downs the rest of her own glass in one go. “Do you remember when you asked me to look into that ‘Shroud’ character? Back right before the Auction?”

Something tightens in Jane’s gut. “Uh, yeah? Did you find something out? About her?”

“She’s Lord Ember’s number one enforcer in San Francisco. A tactile telepath with some kind of…” Mortum frowns to herself, “life… energy drain ability.”

“…life drain?”

“Not very scientific I know.” The woman’s frown only deepens. “Merde, what I’d give for the chance to study her.”

“Uh– Doctor?”

“Right, anyway, the people whose minds she… consumes, she can sift through their memories at will. I couldn’t say how long she retains the information but it makes for one very handy interrogation-execution package.”

Can feel the goose-bumps running up the back of Jane’s neck. That just talking about Shroud like this is producing a reaction in Jane is not helping your nerves in the slightest. “She… eats peoples minds…?”

“So it appears. What’s left is a body, weakened and comatose. Not something that would last more than a few hours without life support. That’s the basis for the rumors behind her having a ‘death touch’.”

“That’s… awful, when you put it like that. But it’s not exactly new information.”

“Have you crossed paths with her before, mon amie?”

“No. I mean – I don’t think I have?” Jane hunches over, “Seriously, doc, what’s wrong? There’s been something off with you ever since we talked on the phone last night.” It can’t be what it’s starting to sound like. It can’t be. There’s no way. There’s a mistake, somehow. A mix-up.

“I’m sorry, I’m just not sure how to approach this. Or… what to make of what I found.” Dr. Mortum eyes the wine bottle, plainly weighing the benefits of pouring herself another glass. “Maybe it would be best just to show you directly.”

“Show me? Show me what?”

Dr. Mortum puts the wine glass down, reaches a hand across the table to grasp Jane’s. “You really don’t know?”

Jane stiffens under the doctor’s touch but doesn’t pull her hand away. “I wouldn’t be asking like this if I did.”

She doesn’t let go of Jane’s hand, instead shifting her chair so they’re both on the same side of the table. With her free hand she gestures towards the monitor screen installed on the near wall. “While I was digging around, I got my hands on some footage through a contact of mine.”

“Footage?”

Jane watches as Dr. Mortum brings a holographic keyboard to life in front of her. The monitor flickers on as Mortum navigates through a series of files. “Here we are. This… might be difficult to watch.”

“Doctor,” Jane’s voice is dry, “just what on earth are you trying to… show… me…?” Voice fades to nothing as the video file expands to fill the whole screen. The video is grainy and low quality, shades of grey like a cheap security camera. But the picture jostles and moves in strange motions, hand-held? No – almost first-person esque. Mods? An eye-camera?

The center of the screen is taken up by woman on a chair. Ziplock ties bind her by the wrists and ankles to the metal frame, and the chair doesn’t shift at all as the woman struggles. Welded to the floor? The woman on the chair has a black eye, bruises on her arms, chin. Curly hair framing a too-familiar face.

There’s no way.

There’s no possible way.

You look down to your – Jane looks down to her hands, rubs her wrist with her fingers. No bruises, no marks. Not – not anymore. This is Jane. this is Jane’s body. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to Jane. She’s safe. She’s nobody.

But there’s no tattoos on the woman on the screen.

The camera turns away and Shroud is stepping into the room. Too-fancy dress, veiled face, and long gloves. The camera steps back getting a wider view of the whole scene as Shroud steps around the woman in the chair. “Be reasonable Ace, all we want to know is how you did it.” The voice, tinny through the speakers, is still enough to set Jane on edge. Grinding her teeth, nails digging into her arms.

“Did what?” Jane’s voice. Fuck. Shit. Piss. “I don’t understand why I’m here.”

Shroud’s voice is slow, faux patience. “Two million and thirty three thousand. That’s how much you’ve lost Lord Ember.” The skeletal woman stops in front of – Jane? Ace? The woman tied to the chair. One hand tugging back against the fabric of her gloves.

“I’ve been playing fair. I’m just lucky.” Picture of hurt innocence. Literal.

“Hmm… Luck.” Shroud reaches out a hand, and someone off screen passes off a gun. A revolver. Even with the poor visual fidelity it looks like an antique. “Let’s see just how lucky you are.”

Without thinking about it, Jane finds herself reach out for Dr. Mortum’s arm, pulling the woman closer. Mortum shifts position to get closer, puts her arm around Jane instead, holding her tight.

There’s no one for the woman in the chair. Shroud, calm and silent as death itself loads a bullet into the revolver. As she points the gun at the woman’s leg, Jane flinches, buries her face in Mortum’s side. But there’s no ‘bang,’ no screams.

Another bullet loaded. Shroud humming to herself. Points at the woman’s shoulder. Jane cries out, hides her face against Dr. Mortum again. The woman on the screen remains stoic the whole time. No ‘bang’ this time either.

Third bullet. Pointed at the forehead. The chamber spins and now on the woman on the screen – Ace – flinches the color draining out of her face. Did Ace on the screen cry out that time or was that Jane again?

Shroud chuckles as she waves the gun in Ace’s face. “Don’t be a baby. It’s just rubber bullets, to see how long your luck lasts. It won’t kill you.”

Ace shrinks back against the chair. Jane’s own breathing is becoming increasingly harder, the body slipping out of your control again – like before. “You will, though.” Ace says.

“Hm?” Shroud leans back, a hand on her hip. She holds the gun out and again, someone off screen takes it from her. Both hands free now, she starts tugging at one of her gloves. “Not if you cooperate with me.”

“Liar.” Ace strains against her bonds again. It’s hard to breath, hard to watch. But something won’t let you look away either. “You’ll kill me, and that will be the end of you.”

“Threats? Really now? In your position?” Shroud’s glove is off now, and the camera person takes another step back. “I’ve looked into you, Ace. Bitter, lonely soul. No close family, no close friends. Nobody that will miss you.” Shroud pulls back her veil. Skin deathly pale and sunken, sallow features. Something like a walking corpse with a death’s head grin. “Nobody will avenge you.”

“Still not lying.” An impossible level of conviction in those words. Ace’s wrists are bleeding now, plastic cutting into skin. But there’s no getting away. No escaping. “Do your worst sucker, but that will be the biggest mistake of your life.”

“I’ve heard it all before.” Shroud says, bored, as she flexes her hand now. Too thin, too bony. “Now… let’s see what you’ve been hiding from me.” Her hand grasps Ace’s face and Ace screams, and you can’t, can’t keep watching. Jane hides her face against Mortum’s side. Don’t look until the screaming stops.

Ace sits in the chair, breathing but limp. Sunken eyes, sallow cheeks, looking awfully like she did when you found Jane in the hospital. Shroud, in contrast looks radically different. Less a corpse and more a woman carved from marble. A wide grin across her face, making a show of licking her lips. “Boosts were always my favorite.”

“What did you learn?” The voice comes from off camera.

“Lone operator.” Shroud puts a finger to her head, eyes closed in a too familiar motion. Her sleeve falls back against gravity, not enough to reveal anything definitive but are those shapes hints of tattoos? Geometric. Someone else far too familiar. “Could see the numbers before the ball landed. Same with the cards.” Shroud shrugs, then smirks towards the camera. “Cute trick. Tell him that he doesn’t have to worry, she’s not one of Hollow Ground’s crew. Just someone who miscalculated. Badly.”

And it’s too much. Jane staggers to her feet. “I–I–I– I have to– I need a walk. I need to get a hold of myself. I need–”

The off-screen voice snickers. “Guess her luck finally ran out. What should we do with the body?”

Shroud flexes her exposed hand, slowly tugging her glove back on. “Sell her for parts, let her recoup some of the cost that way.”

Nausea riles up and Jane collapses to the floor, hands on the tiles, retches, then vomits. Did you just watch yourself– watch Jane, die?

“Mon amie?” Dr. Mortum hovers by your side, hands outstretched but not quite touching.

“I’m f–f–f–fine.” You insist. Tears falling from your eyes into the pool of ejected wine and bile on the floor, more running out your nose. Can feel your body shaking, arms struggling to hold yourself off the floor.

“Come on, mon amie, let me help you up.” There’s a brief pause and then arms reach around your shoulders, pulling you back to your feet, holding you steady even as you continue to shake. “Let’s get you to the bathroom.”

“S–s–sorry. I–I’m sorry.”

Mortum leads you out into the adjoining bathroom, “I’ll clean it up. You just take a moment, okay?” A light touch to your back makes you jump, and Mortum hesitates, clearly at a loss for what to do.

So are you.

Stare at your face in the mirror. Hair a mess, eyes red, a mess. Everything’s a mess. This face that’s yours but not yours, Jane’s face. Or Ace’s face? Hold yourself up with your hands bracing against the bathroom sink.

What do you do?

Clean up. Clean yourself up. Clean Jane up. Get it together. Get a hold on yourself. Jane sucks in air until her lungs hurt, then slowly lets it all out. Does it again. Third time. Mortum leaves to clean the mess on the floor.

Never felt more like a puppeteer as you do now, putting Jane through the motions. Blow the nose, water on the face. Wash off the tears, snot, vomit, ruined make-up. Hyper-aware of the differences between your face and hers. Smaller nose, rounder face, no freckles, softer eyes. Just fooling yourself this whole time – some sort of sick fantasy on your part. Letting yourself getting lured in by a shared hair and eye color, a similar inability to tan.

Sometimes, in these more emotional moments it gets difficult to remember Jane is an act you’re playing, a mask you’re wearing. Not that you’ve ever been good at separating your feelings. The fiasco with Julia can attest to that.

Can’t say you were prepared for ‘interrogation by a Farm-trained telepath’ to be another point of blurred boundaries between the two of you. Grab a wash cloth off the hook, take a deep breath then bury your face in the fabric to muffle your scream. When Jane runs out of breath, she finishes drying off her face, adjusts her dress before walking back into the lab.

Mortum gives Jane a sheepish wave as she spots her, “Do you need a drink?”

“I’m going to need something harder than wine this time.” Jane replies, rubbing her hands over her face.

“I was thinking similarly.” She’s already back by the kitchenette. Jane slumps into the nearest chair, listening to the sound of glasses being poured. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I should have given more warning. I just…”

“I don’t think there’s a warning adequate enough for something like that.” Jane suppresses a shudder, only looking up to take the –very large– glass of whiskey offered to her. “So that was really her… death-touch deal?”

Mortum nods, nursing her own large glass. “Yes. It was passed along to me as an example of Shroud in action. But I wouldn’t have bothered putting you through that except for–”

Jane cuts her off, “who the the victim was.”

“Mm.” Dr. Mortum watches Jane carefully over the rim of her glasses.

“How old is the video?”

Don’t say three years, don’t say three years, don’t say three years.

“About three years.” Mortum answers.

“Fuck.”

“Mon amie?”

“Goddamnit.” Jane laughs, high-pitched and frantic. “So then that person on the video, Ace, that was…”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Well.” Jane takes a long drink, gasping for air when she puts the glass down on the table. “I get why you wanted to just show me the video.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

That gets another, more bitter laugh. “We kind of have to, don’t we?”

“Mon amie…” Dr. Mortum’s voice is low, face furrowed in worry. “How far back can you remember?”

“I…” Jane hesitates, then clenches her fists. “About three years. Woke up in the hospital. Everything hurt. My boss got me out.” What would have happened if you had waited to come back the next day? Or snuck in a day earlier? It had been… sheer luck you had been able to steal away Jane’s body when you had.

Had it been luck?

Jane exhales, a long shaking breath. “I don’t remember anything before that.”

“Saving someone’s life is certainly one way to ensure loyalty.” Dr. Mortum’s voice is soft, low. When did her hand find Jane’s? How long has she been holding it?

“I don’t– I’m not sure that she did.”

“Did what?”

“Save my life.”

“You’ll be free of her one day.” She squeezes Jane’s hand.

Jane only flinches, pulls her hand back. “That’s– that’s not what I mean. I… oh god. I don’t know how to say this.” Never mind how to say it. What to say is the more pressing issue.

“I’m not sure I’m following, mon amie.”

“Of course not.” Jane snaps back. “You don’t exactly have the full picture – I mean, neither do I but I’ve got more of the – the goddamn puzzle pieces, fuck.” Another long drink ending in a gasp for breath. Try not to think too much about worried concern on Mortum’s face. This is stupid. What are you doing. Shut up Ariadne.

Dr. Mortum says nothing, confound her. No well-meaning advice, no comforting words. Just a worried look.

“Look I – I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

“Well, that’s hardly a surprise, considering our respective businesses.”

“Just… let me finish. I don’t – I don’t really know how to sell this. You aren’t going to believe me.” Jane’s smile is brittle, hands hugging her sides.

Mortum shakes her head, “Try me.”

“Okay. Well.” Jane fiddles with the hem of her dress, fingers worrying the fringe. “I’ve told you I can’t just… quit my job with Adrestia.”

She nods.

“And I knew Adrestia…. had saved my life, I just… had no idea to what extent.” Jane pauses, chewing furiously at the inside of her cheek. “I don’t think she knew either. But. Okay. So. Three years ago, Adrestia springs me out of the hospital…. who knows, maybe days, maybe hours, before I was due to get carved up for organ replacements. Following me?”

“I’m following.”

“And– and I was weak. I was real weak. It took me months just to get well enough to get out of bed again, to walk, a whole year before I could even begin to start doing the simplest jobs for her. But– but there’s still…”

“The question of how you survived Shroud at all.” Mortum finishes and Jane nods.

“Except, that’s the thing. I didn’t. I didn’t survive. I’m not some special exception.”

Mortum’s hand finds Jane’s again, a light touch, a chance to pull back. When Jane doesn’t, she holds tighter.

“My… boss is a telepath, right? A very powerful one.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Well… She can… Adrestia can possess people.”

That gets a quizzical look, Mortum’s eyebrows furrowing together. “Possess people?” She echoes back.

“It’s– It’s the next step up, I guess, from just tweaking someone’s thoughts.” Jane winces as Mortum’s grip on her hand tightens. “Only… most people, you know, there’s someone already home. It makes possession difficult. And the longer you do it, the harder it gets.” Jane’s voice drops, “And it’s… it’s horrific for the victim. Watching their body move without their say so. Trapped in your own mind.”

“Jane…” Mortum’s voice is barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

Jane tenses up, eyes wet as she laughs. “You really shouldn’t be. Shroud… evicted the previous tenant, and I? I moved in. Made myself at home.”

“What? Mon amie, I don’t understand.”

“What’s not to get doc?” More nervous laughter. “I’m the man behind the curtain. I am my boss.”

Mortum lets go of Jane’s hand, the absence hurts worse the pressure she’d been applying before. “I don’t understand. You’re not telepathically sensitive.”

“Jane isn’t my body. Adrestia is. Possessing her. Me? I’m… not so sure anymore.”

“What? Use your words.”

“Shroud.” You spit the name out, feeling the bile in the back of your throat. “Killed Ace. We both saw it,” Jane gestures at the monitor. “And then, I came along. I needed… I needed a face. I couldn’t risk being seen. Being recognized. And– and here w–w–was this body. This empty body, just waiting.”

“A puppet.”

“Yes. I stole her. Me?” You stare down at Jane’s hands. “I didn’t even know who she was.”

Dr. Mortum’s face has gone cold. A careful blank mask. Unreadable as she stares you down. “So.” Her voice is even, controlled. “Who am I talking to right now?”

“I’m– I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for– for lying to you this whole time.”

“But… why would you do that?” Her voice strains, cracks against the pressure to keep an even tone.

Jane looks down, stares at the floor, hands helpless in her lap. “This… whatever this is, wasn’t supposed to happen. I just needed someone to build my armor. You weren’t supposed to be…” Jane makes a face and you wonder if she looks as helpless as you feel right now. “…nice.”

“Nice? Nice?”

“I liked you, okay?” You response comes back quick, defensive. “You could be funny. And you’re smart, didn’t pry much but you also cared. I wasn’t ready for that. I had been… alone. For so long. And I didn’t want to let it go. I was afraid to let it go. Even though I knew I should have.” Jane’s voice drops, “I should have told you months ago. But I… I liked how I was around you. I was afraid of how things would change.”

Mortum pushes up her glasses to rub at her eyes. “And that’s different from how you normally are, I take it?”

“It… it reminded me of how I could be, before I died.”

“Before you… died?”

“I mean, before Adrestia died, not Jane. Ugh, different disaster. Even longer back.”

“I’m afraid I’ve lost the plot on this one.” It almost sounds like a joke, but Mortum doesn’t smile.

“At heart… I’m kind of a coward.”

“Lying, hiding behind other people’s bodies… I can’t say I’m inclined to disagree right now.” Mortum pushes her glasses back up her nose, eyes boring holes through you behind orange-tinted lenses. “I can’t say I appreciate being made fun of much, either.”

That one hurts. “It wasn’t like that!” You clench your fists, can feel the tension in Jane’s shoulders. “I meant everything I said.”

“Even about your boss?”

“Is it really a surprise that I don’t like myself?”

Mortum doesn’t respond, beyond a “Hmm.”

“And then you said you were going to stop working for Adrestia. That you wanted me to quit with you. And I– I tried to tell you. I couldn’t. I literally couldn’t quit. I literally can’t stop being Adrestia. No matter how much I want to. So… when you said you had a plan, in case she – In case I did something against you and me – Jane, I needed to know what it was to-to-to defend myself.”

“Hence stealing my teleportation gun from me.”

“What? No!” You wave your hands, desperate for her to believe you. “That was an accident. I w–w–was serious about returning it. I– I wanted to try and fix things but I… I don’t know how.”

“Sometimes, Jane, the only way to fix an experiment is to trash the whole thing and try something else.”

“I…” Your voice falters. “I don’t know how to interpret that.”

The silence that stretches out between the two of you is physically painful. Finally, Dr. Mortum breaks the tension, rapping her fingers on the worktable. “So.”

“I’m sorry.” “Why not just approach me as yourself? Why this farce?”

“I couldn’t!” You hold your head in your hands, pulling at your hair. “Too many people know who I was before. I couldn’t be sure I could trust you. That I could trust anyone. And by the time I thought I could…”

“I had already decided that I couldn’t trust Adrestia.”

“Yeah.” You shift in your seat. “I just… you let me feel real, at least for a little while. That I could have friends.”

“Friends.” Her voice is flat.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Your smile fades, “Were friends, I guess. Even if you don’t believe anything else I’ve said, you have to believe me on that. Please. I just… I know it’s selfish but I just wanted to be happy for once.”

“You’re going to have to try harder than that.” There’s a desperate edge in Mortum’s voice now. You can’t bring yourself to lift Jane’s head to see the other woman’s face.

Jane shrinks back in her seat. It’s weird. You keep expecting your usual panic symptoms whenever things start to skirt too close to the truth. “I don’t know what else I can say… when we first met, I didn’t even think of myself as human, never mind a woman.”

“Human? You’re going to have to explain that one to me.”

“Fuck, I– I guess I better.”

“Stalling.”

“This isn’t easy, shit!” Jane chews her cheek, hugging her arms tight against herself. ��Okay… um…” You glance at the image on the monitor, still frozen. “Scroll back, like thirty seconds on the video?”

“Still stalling.”

Jane groans, a pleading look on her face. “Please, just… humor me on this, okay? I’m going somewhere with this.”

Dr. Mortum sighs. With a gesture the keyboard reappears beneath her hand and the video snaps back, frame by frame.

“There!”

Mortum stops the rewind. “Alright, what am I supposed to be looking at?”

“Look at Shroud’s sleeve. Where it falls back, and right before the skinsuit starts on her arm. Do you see anything?”

You don’t look at the screen, instead watching Dr. Mortum’s face as she scrutinizes the grainy image. “I don’t…”

“Those designs, just poking out the top there?”

“Okay…”

“Re-gene tattoos.”

Sharp in-take of breath. “Truly?”

“I’d recognize them anywhere.”

“I see them now…” A tight frown settles onto the doctor’s face. “Do you think Lord Ember is aware he has a regene in his employ? An escapee or…?” She stops, shakes her head. “Where are you going with this?”

“I’m the s–s–same as– the same as Shroud.” Jane clenches her hands. “The– the other me, I mean.”

“…A re-gene?” What does that look on Mortum’s face mean?

Jane nods, then shakes her head. “Do you know what a cuckoo is?”

She narrows her eyes at Jane. “I… might be aware that they exist.” If anyone knew what a cuckoo was, trust it to be Dr. Mortum. Yet another reason you couldn’t have trusted her with the truth at first.

Jane spreads her arms wide, you choke back a sob. “Well, you’re– you’re looking at one right now. I couldn’t– I couldn’t let them find me. My other body is… I mean, my real body is just…”

“Mon dieu, how long have you been on the run?”

“A few years… before, uh…” You swallow back the bile in your throat. Might as well go all in. If she’s going to fire a gun at you, better make sure it’s a headshot. “Before Sidestep.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Dr. Mortum groans, rubbing her nose. “No. Of course. All the pieces fall into place. Merde!”

“I g–g–got caught once, already. I can’t go back. Not again. So… stay out of sight. Use a go-between.”

“I understand that, mon amie, but I wish you would have trusted me.” Dr. Mortum groans. “For both our sakes.”

“I know.” You run your hands over your face, avoiding the doctor’s gaze. “Look… if you– if you want revenge, I’d rather you just… shoot me then tip them off. I’ll die before I go back.”

“Did you seriously think I could ever hurt…” The doctor hesitates, “her?”

“Yes.” You whisper, unable to raise you voice any louder. “I’m… afraid. Always. All the time. But– but I’m telling you now. You deserve the truth.”

“Even if it ends up killing you?”

“I wouldn’t argue that I don’t deserve it.”

“Okay…” Dr. Mortum scrunches her face up. Deep in thought. “You were planning to meet me tonight. In your own body.”

“That’s right.”

“Were you planning to tell me then?”

“If I didn’t chicken out again. Neutral ground. It was– It was supposed to be safer.”

“Safer. For you maybe.” The disdain is plain in her voice. “This is a lot to process.”

“I know.”

“I need–” The doctor’s voice cracks as she struggles to keep her composure. Furious at you, to be sure. Can’t blame her. “I need some time. Mon dieu, I need some fucking time.”

“I… understand.”

“I will keep your secret. And I will do you the favor of pretending you don’t know how to get into my lab.” Dr. Mortum raises a pointed finger at you. “But I need some time. To… think things over. To figure out how I feel about this whole… disaster.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you sorry for lying to me or sorry you got caught?”

Jane pulls back, frowning. “I didn’t– I didn’t have to tell you any of this. I chose to…”

“Shoot yourself in the face.”

“I guess.”

“Right. I’m trying to keep that in mind.” Mortum gets up, turns her back on you. “Just. Go. Get out of here. I’ll contact you when I’m ready to talk.

“Do you know whe–”

“I don’t know, Adrestia! It could be a week, it could be years! It could be never! Let me think!”

“Okay.” Jane pulls herself to her feet. You feel hollow, empty. “You… know how to reach me.”

“Just go.”

“I’m sorry.”

You manage to hold yourself together long enough to get Jane back home. Don’t even bother undressing before collapsing face first into the bed. The best you can hope for is that Dr. Mortum doesn’t sell you out. But there’s no recovering that relationship. Christ. If this is how it goes with Mortum, how will Julia take the truth?

Julia deserves to know.

Her knowing will kill you.

You roll over onto your back, close your eyes as you slowly untether yourself from Jane’s body.

Would dying really be so bad? Compared to this?

#fallen hero #fallen hero fanfic #fanfiction #fhr/Ariadne #mc #dr. mortum #shroud #the puppet

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blazehedgehog · 5 years ago

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you've probably gotten this question before, and i don't mean this in a hostile manner or anything of the sort, but if sonic has been such a rough ride for you for so many years now, why do you still call yourself a sonic fan? again, not trying to be hostile or judgemental or anything, just curious as to your take on what it means to be a sonic fan to you even when a lot of the games have been less-than-good for over a decade now

It is 100% valid to ask a question like this; the only problem is when people try to be snarky about it or mean it in a back-handed way, which you aren’t.

I think the answer will be different depending on who you ask.

For me, it’s a lot of different reasons. When Sonic first debuted on the Sega Genesis, I desperately wanted one. It created almost like this obsession in me, as I sought the thing I couldn’t have. When I finally got a Genesis for my birthday in 1994, I gorged myself on all the Sonic games I’d been missing, but it still didn’t feel like enough. I was kind of trapped in this state of wanting more Sonic games.

So I got in to the TV shows. I got in to the comic books. In my freshman year of high school in 1998, we were introduced to the internet at large. Our computer lab was running PowerMacs with Netscape Navigator, and though we were told to only use the internet for school projects, the very first time I was left alone in the lab I looked up Sonic the Hedgehog fan sites.

In 1999, we got the internet at home, where I was free to look up whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I ended up in communities with other Sonic fans, like Missy’s Sonic Chat, The Moogle Cavern, and Sonic Fan Games HQ.

And to cut a long story short, I guess it’s that sense of community that’s kept me around. I know people who still like Sonic games, so it ends up being something we commiserate over together. And I don’t think it’s controversial to say that fans are doing more interesting things with Sonic these days than Sega is, so that community ends up self-sustaining itself. Fans become fans of fans.

And there’s that sense of pulling for the underdog, too, right. I’ve mentioned many times about how fans like to “fix up” broken games. There are mods to “fix” Aliens: Colonial Marines, or STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl, or the original Watch_Dogs, or whatever.

It’s like that little shriveled up Christmas tree at the end of A Charlie Brown Christmas special: a dried up little twig that just needs a little love. Some people just have that instinct in them to care for things like that.

youtube

And that desire to "rescue" this poor little franchise can be pretty strong. Sonic used to be so powerful as a series, and now it's not, so you almost can’t help but fantasize how you’d fix it. How you’d make the games better, how you’d make the narrative better, and so on. And that kind of stuff just strengthens community interactions even more. I mean, just think about how many people have videos or essays or whatever about how they’d fix Sonic. You might say nobody can agree, that it’s a bunch of arguing, but there’s a lot of legitimate discussion in there, too.

And, for me, more personally, it was also agreeing to write for TSSZ. Sonic 06 burned me really badly; I just mentioned how it kind of retroactively ruined Sonic games I used to love. I was starting to drift away from the Sonic franchise because it was difficult to look at. Then, in late 2007, maybe early 2008, Tristan asked if I wanted to write for TSSZ.

Not long later, we (re)opened the site by covering the Sonic Unleashed leaks, which lead to me getting a review copy of Sonic Unleashed, review copies of all the DLC, and over that next year, I gradually softened and was back in again.

And now that I’ve survived Sonic 2006, it’s like… well, I’m here forever, I guess. If that didn’t push me out, nothing will, and it’s technically my responsibility to play and talk about Sonic games now, so that’s that. There’s a bit of pride in that now, too. Lots of people have ideas on how they would fix Sonic, but I think I’m a pretty good writer and my perspective is my own. There’s a part of me that wants to keep doing this, even if the games aren’t very good anymore.

#questions #sega #sonic the hedgehog #sonic team #tssz news #community #norkas-personal

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betweenlands · 5 years ago

Text

the sludgeon complex, a retrospective

aka we just did this dungeon blind today and want to word vomit about it rq. sorry if this doesn't readmore, we're on mobile

would like to keep in mind here that we're playing thru the mod rn for fun and for screencaps, so we have projecte installed and are wearing full gem armor (plus carrying a red katar). should be pretty obvious that we can't speak as to health balancing of enemies or obstacles (with ONE EXCEPTION we're gonna get to)

so! it starts kind of slow. you climb up the tower and are told you've gotta light the braziers. which is cool, except you need moss to do that, so i had to craft up a pair of shears and run into the nearest non-sludge biome to grab some. no idea what you're supposed to do if there's no moss nearby or you don't have octine/syrmorite for tools. perish, i guess?

braziers then spawn some cool lil salamander mage enemies before turning on a light-reflection puzzle. full disclosure, we dig these usually, but the weird barriers in the tower made it more tedious than fun. just let me access the whole room, devs, it's okay, you don't need to make me run up and down the tower like ten times.

anyway: beams of light get shot into a plinth and it's labyrinth time. boy howdy, the aesthetic is immediately alarmingly grungy. literally took one step into the place and was accosted by, uh, no light way to put this - wall centipedes?

the deal with the labyrinthine vaults is twofold: each layer has a key symbol you memorize, then you navigate the vault to the door and input that key symbol. each layer also has 1-3 different obstacles or enemies to keep an eye out for. rapid fire enemy review time

starting strong with Wall Centipedes. we stabbed the wall and got an egg sac. gross but neat.

shamblers! they're like. xenomorph type monsters except they shoot their tongue out of their mouth at you across the room. you're probably supposed to block these with your shield. i like them a lot, even if they're a bit brightly colored

ughhhhh the infinitely spawning sludge worm eggs are annnoyyyyyiiiiinnggg. there's another enemy on this layer, the lamprey - and it's equally kind of annoying, because it does a ton of decay and for some reason has a vaccum attack. also, really could've gone without the spike traps, those didn't really add anything.

this is where things get interesting! first off: sludge jet turrets are really cool and glowy and i think they're neat. and then we have the miniboss on this level, the barrishee. fuck, man, it's cool as HELL - this was the one thing we were spoiled on before entering and even then it spooked us. basically: there's two doors in this layer, one is a mimic and turns into a giant monster you have to fight. it's so good.

pink mushrooms that blind and decay you. i don't understand why they're pink, the color choice there is weird? this layer introduces puffshrooms, though, and dang they're cool. really nice design, and their ability is to very temporarily snag whatever you have in your main hand if you're caught in the blast. wonderful and glowy. i love em.

moooole peopleeee, mooole peopleee- okay, yeah, they're called crypt crawlers, but they're mole people. anyway, they're pretty standard enemies. sometimes the ceiling falls on you. apparently there's a second door that leads to the crypt here, but uh... we didn't find it on our first pass (at least not the "correct" way), so we're not gonna cover that yet

moving walls. this was a really rad gimmick up until we found out that the door was at the end of the corridor and got repeatedly smushed by the wall as we tried to put the correct code in. while in gem armor, it dealt a little under half our health bar. that's frankly unacceptable for damage that was literally unavoidable. just make it so that the door doesn't spawn in a place that gets you smushed, please...

AND NOW. THE PIT. OF DECAY. holy fucking moly this thing's design is rad. starts strong, with a massive clockwork ring around a pit in the center of the room; there's a puzzle element to this fight that i adore, namely figuring out that you've gotta shoot the mirrors on the hanging thing in the center of the room in order to lower a plug into the pit. aiming is a bit finicky and i think the timer on how long it takes before the seal rises again could be a bit more lenient.

then you seal the pit. then the seal gets destroyed. then the boss is... a brown tentacle. yeah, this was a huge letdown from phase one's intricate design; having the sludge menace be just sort of a gunky brown tube is so boring after the wildly cool design of the pit seal itself. hell, half the normal mobs in the sludgeon look cooler. the puffshrooms look cooler.

after i finished slapping the tentacle around, i went back upstairs to find some cool things and some not cool things.

cool: while grabbing some of the neat ladder blocks, it turns out we'd missed some in-between passages that lead to the crypt. ran into it, got a sword, and ran out. the winding walkways were very fun to traverse!

not cool: those fucking sludge worm eggs kept spawning for some reason. also, i couldn't pick up the alcoves or the dungeon door puzzle key blocks, which made me very sad because i wanted them for decor, dang it!

as a last note, there's also mobs - called ash sprites - that come out of the urns in alcoves sometimes when you break the aforementioned urns. behavior/ai wise, they're basically just vex but with a cooler design and they don't die after a set period of time. they can get annoying. i would very much appreciate if they moved just a bit slower so that they were easier to kill.

7/10 the barrishee and the first pit of decay phase slapped so hard that everything else paled in comparison

#betweenlands #btl #txt #orig #long post //#if this doesnt readmore we'll fix it tomorrow

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whirlybirbs · 6 years ago

Note

Humbly requesting a part three for the mission you stated in your last Poe fic

» PRE-FLIGHT CHECK, TWO.

summary: cadet!reader & poe dameron continue to butt-heads. the three days leading up to the mission send off puts you both on wrong feet for the week long assignment. 2/3. companion piece to risks. a/n: i put this story up on ao3 so you can read there if you’d like! click here!

Poe Dameron had his own reputation to keep up.

One that, now, was tarnished with the shiner decorating his right eye.

It’s fine -- totally fine -- Poe tells himself. But, I mean, being laid out by his own Lieutenant isn’t something he’s exactly proud of. To him, you’re still a cadet despite your officer status and skill. You’re new -- and Poe is... well. He’s Poe.

Poster boy of the Resistance, remember?

Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he had an ego.

The next three days are tense to say the least. Poe makes sure to sit at least an arm’s reach away from you; Snap makes a good buffer, and L’ulo thinks it’s hilarious that Poe flinches every time you fork your dinner. The snickers of the other squadrons aren’t lost on him either.

Avoiding any direct interaction that might get him stabbed with a plastic fork from the mess gives him enough time to watch you, though, and Poe settles quick that he can’t stand how good you are. You’re pretty, witty, smart -- and when Jessika asks if you could check the calibration on her laser tips, Poe feels himself scowl when you happily accept.

Pfft. Sure. Yeah. There’s that stupid smile. Whatever.

You’re grounded on the first day of mission prep, working well into the night on replacing the gear shift you’d unceremoniously yanked from your x-wing the day before.

You’re ruthless during drills the next day.

When the challenge of a race is proposed during warm-ups, despite it being against regulations, you’re already leaping into the cockpit and kicking in your boosters to leave Cobalt Squadron’s Lieutenant in the spray of D’Qar’s Garalan lakes. Poe, from his place on land with the rest of Black Squadron, watches you careen across the sunrise -- your own mods that have souped up your T-68 put you ahead of the competition by yards.

Snap nudges his shoulder.

“She’s good.”

“She’s reckless.”

There’s a loud ching! as you pass through the first set of rings suspended in the sky. They’re usually used for technical skill runs. The positions are tight together. Poe watches as your X-Wing’s bow swings and the back thrusters glow blue as you skid through the gravity pull and kick it forward.

You pass through the second set of rings with ease.

Snap laughs.

“Sounds like you’re talking about yourself there, Poe.”

Ching!

Poe’s eye twitches.

"Nice run earlier,” Poe says slowly, elbows on the bar as he leans forward, “Almost beat my time.”

You spare him a single glance. Your brow raises high and Poe notices the light shimmer around your eyes. You’d cleaned up -- usual jumpsuit and engine grease abandoned for a set of jet black ensemble topped off with your trusty flight jacket. Your Naval wings and rank glint in the light.

He wonders absentmindedly if you’re here to see someone -- probably not, right? Who would willingly spend time with you? Not him. Not... like that’s what he’s doing right now.

Snatching a beer from Gustav (a service tech who claimed bar-tending was a hobby and really didn’t mind tending to the storage-unit-turned-watering-hole), you’re tempted to walk away. The beer is warm, having been sitting in storage for the last week and a half unattended -- the supply lines were being choked off by the First Order. Dagger Squadron had been sent out last week to fix the problem.

Luckily, a lot of beer came in. Sadly, not a lot of food. Rations are tight.

But, beer keeps moral up. Even if it tasted like Bantha piss.

You make a sour face, washing the taste down with another swig and Poe pulls an amused look that has you itching to give him a matching shiner on the other side.

“Don’t like it?”

“Are you trying to get me mad?”

“Just trying to make conversation --” he raises his hands, beer dangling from his fingers.

“Yeah, well,” you swig your beer again and make moves for the door, “Why don’t you save it for our little mission. We’ll have plenty of time to make small talk then.”

D’Qar’s summers make for a pleasant night’s sleep. Warm enough, but cool and quiet. Other’s had the same idea of venturing to the air-field -- the storage-unit-turned-watering-hole was always crowded, so the surrounding area quickly became an extension of said drinking spot. You find a spot by one of the small fires and settle against an ammo crate.

Poe follows and you roll your eyes.

“Do you mind?”

“No,” he chirps, settling beside you, “Why, do you?”

“Yes. Because,” you battle back, “You’re a pain in my ass.”

“Right, sorry, shorty --”

In a blink, you’ve got a fist secured in the cotton fabric of his shirt. In the light of the fire, you watch Poe’s eyes wide as you yank him close -- brows set in anger, you point with the hand clutching your beer.

“You call me that one more time, I’ll put this bottle through that pretty face of yours, fly boy.”

There’s a tense moment then -- silence strikes the air around you and you can see other Resistance pilots still and watch the encounter in your peripherals. Whispers begin, eyes trained on the infamous Black Squadron leaders as they butt heads for the second time in two days. Quietly, pilots slip credits to one another, waiting for the first punches to be thrown.

Poe’s expression fleeting between surprise and amusement. Suddenly aware of the crowd, though, the brunette shifts a bit on his hips and clears his throat. He blinks away the antagonizing look. He settles on one of mock-seriousness.

Not any better.

“What, you don’t like the nickname?”

You shove him backwards, toss your beer back and leave him by the fire.

Your middle finger is the cause of a chorus of whoops and jeers from the nearby Rapier Squadron, cementing Poe in his place to watch you saunter off.

“Fuck off, Commander.”

The next morning, it’s the same sort of tension -- except, instead of racing, you start the morning locked in a debrief with Leia and Poe. You’re silent the whole time, knee bouncing up and down and up and down as Leia highlights the location where you and Poe will make contact with the spy.

Voss is a bustling planet with a number of growing cities. Faelar -- one on the Eastern side of the main continent -- is where you and Poe would depart for tomorrow morning by 0500. In theory, you should make contact by mid-week, but Leia insists on buffer time of two days in case the liaison gets nervous. Can’t have valuable First Order intel running off.

Leia dismisses you both and by 0830, you’re in the mess hall trying to scarf down breakfast in peace.

Poe has other plans.

You can feel the weight of him settle beside you on the mess bench.

He drops his oats and starfruit, stretching before tapping his spoon twice on the counter and digging in. He does it all, seemingly aware, of how irritated his mere presence makes you.

“What’s wrong, Punchy?” he says finally and you feel your face twitch.

“Seriously?”

“What?” he mutters through a full mouth, “I decided to do some digging through your old academy files --”

You angrily turn back to your meal, jamming your spoonful of bland oats into your mouth.

Poe gets this smug look on his face at your apparent resignation. The corners of his lips quirk upwards and if you’d have seen it, you probably would have throttle him with your spoon.

“S’ really fitting, you know.”

“Yeah, well,” you say with finality, “Not all of us get our titles handed to us on a silver platter.”

Oof.

A jab. And well aimed by the gauge of his reaction.

You’re standing then and he’s following, brows set in something more severe than irritation -- Poe’s shoulders tense, dark eyes set on you like he might snap.

“What did you just say to me...?”

“You heard me,” you say, dumping the remainder of your trash and turning on your heel. You stride from the trash, moving to jab a finger into his chest, “I didn’t get the privilege of having high-ranking rebellion officers as parents. It’s called nepotism. Look it up.”

Poe snatches your wrist, anger flaring in his face. “Shut up --”

“Oh, sorry? Did that hit home?” you pull away from him, “You’re a poster-boy. Nothing more. Snap and I are the one doing the real work on missions. We keep you alive. So when I take hits, I take them for you --”

“Shut up.”

“No,” you laugh, egging him on, “I’m not going to shut up. Because you know I’m right.”

Poe’s composure snaps at your laugh.

“At least I’m not some farmland trash. I don’t have disciplinary strikes on my record. I wasn’t nearly thrown from the academy --”

“Farmland trash? You’re from Yavin --”

“And don’t even get me started on the navigation scores --”

“You grew up in a literal bog, you fucking --”

“Ooh, look at me, I’m the top of my class! Oh, no, I crashed once and now I only do my own repairs! I don’t trust people! What’s that Jessika? Oh, sure --”

You land a punch on Poe Dameron for the second time in three days.

The next morning, at 0500, you board that standard issue shipping freight bound for a week long mission to Voss alongside Poe.

Neither of you say a word.

It’s going to be a long week.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x you #poe dameron reader insert #poe dameron fic #star wars imagine #Anonymous

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lettersandinkstains · 5 years ago

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hi, sorry if this is annoying but i think i might be transgender (mtf) and i’m freaking out because i don’t know anything about how to transition or the identity and i was wonder if you have any advice or anything??? thanks a million

Anon, hello! You’re not being annoying at all! I’m sorry this is so late!!

First things first, thank you for trusting me with this. And good for you for reaching out for answers! I’m not MtF, so my experiences are gonna be a little different but I’ll give you a run down of what I did, and list options for you and sorta just explain the identity. At the end, I’ll link the resources I can! Hopefully you’ll find this useful!

(Please be warned that this is going to be long ! Everything is itemized and broken down for hopefully an easy understanding and help!)

My Experience / What I Did

When I realized I was Definitely Not Cis, I was fairly into adulthood. She/Her pronouns made me want to die, but he/him felt like a puzzle piece that could fit, but not quite.

I started talking to a therapist about it, and still continue to this day with talking to my new therapist about it. Over the course of the early sessions, I ended up being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, where there’s distress / discomfort between my assigned gender and my gender identity.

From there, on my old blog, I made a post asking for people to use ‘Silas’ and ‘they/them’ for my pronouns. And it just fit perfectly. I elated that I was being referred to correctly -- the pronouns and the name didn’t make me cringe and want to die.

That’s what I did.

What Is Transgender?

Transgender is the term for someone who does not identity as the gender they were assigned with at birth. They can be a trans man, a trans woman, non binary, genderfluid, etc.

The Steps To Take

Talk to a professional who is trained with and is supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community. While it’s not required per se, I very much recommend it. Talking to a professional is incredibly useful for many reasons:

You can get your thoughts and feelings out to a non biased party.

They can help navigate and help you figure out the steps to take.

It’s good to talk to someone! This person can become part of your support network!

Find a supportive community! There’s a thriving trans community on Tumblr, and elsewhere on the internet!

These people are the ones you can go to and talk and ask questions about being trans and transitioning. People’s experiences vary and everyone has different insight!

They will also be a support network for when you need it!

And it doesn’t always need to be online, you can search up local groups where you live, there should be something nearby. If not, that’s okay! Internet friends are real friends too!

I really love r/transpositive and r/asktransgender! Everyone on those two subreddits are so nice and incredible. r/lgbt is also really cool!

I don’t know any community blogs here on Tumblr since I follow only writeblr’s but someone is likely to know something.

I’ve also got an LGBT+ based writeblr discord if you wish to join a welcoming & incredible community! There are also non writing LGBTQIA+ discords! I’m in one for gaming, and r/lgbt’s mod’s run a discord as well called Spectrum. Highly recommend.

Play around with names & pronouns -- and you can also play around with styles too! You’re discovering yourself and your identity. Do what you feel is comfortable.

You can ask a close group of friends you know would be supportive of you to refer to you with she/her pronouns (or whatever pronouns you prefer!), and a name you would like to be called by!

It’s okay if you pick a name now and want to change it later! Names are an important part of your identity and you need to feel comfortable with it!

Dress in clothes that’s considered to be for women. You don’t have to do super femme if you don’t want to! Like, there is no wrong way to dress and present yourself! There’s butch, there’s femme, there’s an in between, etc.

After all, we don’t force cis women to dress super femme and model like (and doubt their gender identity and presentation), so we shouldn’t expect trans women to adhere to those standards either.

However there is nothing wrong with wanting to do! If that sundress makes you feel like a model, and make up makes you feel wonderful, go for it!! And if dressing in jeans, boots, and a t-shirt makes you feel happy, do that!! Dress in a style that makes you feel happy about yourself!

If anyone complains, punch them. Or Snip Snip.

HRT / Transitioning - Hormone Replacement Therapy. This is the act of taking hormones to develop secondary sex characteristics -- trans men take testosterone (T) and trans women take estrogen. Doctors will also sometimes prescribe another hormone to go with it.

If you decide to transition, estrogen will cause a development of breasts, softer skin, fat distribution will be more feminine, and you’ll also develop curves. Essentially, you’ll be going through the typical female puberty.

You don’t have to take hormones if you do not want to or are not ready yet! This is not a be all, end all situation! Take your time and do research on it and the effects it will have!

If anyone tells you that you have to take HRT to be a ~real trans person~, punch them. They have no right telling you what you should do with your body.

This also leads me back to point one: the professional will be able to help you figure this out and help be a support during the process.

Starting Transition

Depending on where you are and your age is what will be available to you.

Some countries do not allow those under the age of eighteen to transition. Some do with explicit parental consent. Be sure to research this as well.

I don’t know if this has changed since I was a youngin, but you would have typically needed a diagnosis if gender dysphoria* in order to get the doctor’s okay and prescription to start HRT. There are exceptions to everything.

This also may depend on local laws too, so check those out!

Depending on what you’re prescribed, you may take birth control, you may have to take shots, etc.

Where you get your hormones also largely depends on where you are too. Here in the United States, universities offer them at their on site clinics (mine does, anyways!), and some Planned Parenthood’s also prescribe hormones too! I can’t speak for other countries, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for you.

HRT is also hella expensive in some places.

If you live in a country with universal health care, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem!

Coming Out -- Don’t come out unless you are ready & you are in a safe environment to do so!

This is basically LGBTQIA+ 101. If you are not safe to do so, do not do it. I know it sucks, but your safety is absolutely number one!

Everything is going to be okay. You are okay, there is nothing wrong with you.

There are certain groups of people who will tell you that your identity may be ~wrong~ or whatever arguments they can think of. Do your best to ignore them, and when you need to, vent to the people you trust.

Things To Check Out

YouTubers:uppercaseCHASE is a trans man who talks about trans issues and his own transition. He has an HRT 101 series that might be helpful! His expertise is FTM (Trans men) so there will be things that might not be as helpful. Educational videos, however!

arielle scarcella - while i do not like her very much and disagree with a lot of her beliefs, she’s a cis lesbian who has done videos in the past that’s educational about trans people -- and frequently has trans women on her channel where they talk about their experiences with HRT, as well as Gender Affirming Surgery if they’ve had it. (same goes for trans men!)

andrea chrysanthe is a trans woman who has documented her experience with transitioning and does life updates. She recently released a two part video that talks a lot about it. (warning: I haven’t watched all of her videos, and some look to be NSFW for at least talk of kink so be careful going in!)

melanie-ish is another trans woman youtuber! she talks about political issues as well as her own experience with transitioning and coming out. (warning: she hasn’t updated her channel in two years!)

PRINCESSJOULES is another trans woman who also documents her life as a trans woman! She also does make up tutorials, vlogging, and a lot of other things!

jammidodger is a trans man who talks about his experience with transitioning. he is by far one of my most favorite youtubers!

(if anyone else has any youtuber recommends, feel free to add on!)

trans resources -

leolines on etsy. they sell underwear for trans women -- a safer alternative to tucking. they also have binders! fairly inexpensive, and so many styles and designs!

the trevor project’s international center - the trevor project in general is absolutely amazing! they have a lot of resources on their website from phone numbers you can call if you’re feeling suicidal to groups and support groups! this link, if you are out of the united states and are looking for something, will give you a listing of international resources!

transgender law center - legal services and advocacy for trans folks!

trans women of color collective - an advocacy group for trans women of color! they do a lot to help trans women of color! check them out, they’re super cool!

trans youth equality federation - they provide support for family membes of trans youth, trans youth, and allies. as well as education!

gender spectrum - provides support for all trans youth, as well as education for families and educators!

I AM: trans people speak - a project that was made to raise awareness of about the diversity that exists within the transgender community.

glaad - resources - glaad is a well known organization for advocacy and education!

WHEW ANON that was a lot. Hopefully you made it through to the end, and hopefully it was helpful! I hope those links above help provide some use for you and figuring out what steps you want to take.

On that note, if anybody who has read this wants to add on, they are free to do so. The above is only advice, from one person whose experience is one of millions and still, different.

AND ANON, one more thing! If you wish to talk, you are so much welcome to DM me! They’re open for non mutuals :)!

Good luck on your journey, may it provide you happiness!

#letters #anon #trans stuff #trans advice #advice #support #i truly do hope this was helpful #and if anybody else would like to provide advice or support #or even words of encouragement for anon #they're free to do so #Anonymous

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 6 years ago

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Are genital preferences transphobic?

Lee says:

Personally, I am attracted to women and some non-binary folks. I used to call myself a lesbian before I realized I’m transmasculine, and now I use “queer” as my sexual orientation label.

And I also do have a genital preference. I’m not turned on by penises and penises aren’t something that I think about when I’m fantasizing about stuff.

But that isn’t something that determines who I’m attracted to, because when I meet someone who I think looks cute then I feel attracted to them, and that happens before we’re at the point where I’ve taken off their pants and underwear to view their genitals.

For example, I met my partner (mod Devon) in Algebra II when I was in high school, and I thought they were cute but I hadn’t yet taken off any of their clothing before I formed that opinion. I just saw them and (eventually, like several months later) talked to them and then hung out with them and so on.

Generally, I don’t inspect someone’s genitals before I decide if I’m attracted to them. For me, seeing people’s personal parts is usually something that happens in the relationship after I’ve already developed feelings for them and found them attractive, otherwise I wouldn’t be in the situation where started asking questions about their body or taken off their clothes.

So I am not attracted to people with vaginas as my sexual orientation, I’m attracted to women and some non-binary folks because those are the genders I’m attracted to.

And if we get to the part of the relationship where genitals come into play, what parts they have is going to be relevant for me. How a couple chooses to navigate that depends on the wants and needs of both people, and it might mean finding alternate ways to be sexual or having an open relationship or even breaking up. But their genitals aren’t what determine my sexual orientation or initial attraction.

I think most people find someone attractive before they know what genitals that person has, but they don’t always realize that’s true because they’re so used to assuming that they can tell what genitals someone has based on their gender identity.

So it’s fine for you to say “I am not interested in having sex with someone who had a vagina” or “I’m not interested in [doing a particular sexual act]” (not every person with a penis wants to perform penetrative sex, and not all people with vaginas are interested in receiving vaginal penetration) but it’s transphobic when someone assumes that all women have vaginas (given some trans women have penises), and it’s transphobic to assume that all trans men do have vaginas (because some trans men have gotten lower surgery). Basically, don’t assume you know who has what parts or assume how/if they want to use those parts.

Genital preferences can exist, but that isn’t covered under the word “sexual orientation”. And while it isn’t inherently transphobic to say you prefer one part over another, the issue comes in when people make assumptions on who has those parts when the person in question hasn’t told you about their parts or shown their genitals to you yet.

And in many cases, genital preferences are used to prop up transphobic assumptions and beliefs— how many times have we heard a certain group say something along the lines of “all trans women have penises so my sexual orientation is cis-women-only because I’m not attracted to trans women. I can always clock trans women because they’re not real women, so I’d never accidentally find one attractive because I like vagina!”. So I think the trans community has rightfully become suspicious of people who say “my sexual orientation is penis!” or “my sexual orientation is vaginas!” because that’s A) misusing the term sexual orientation, and B) indicative of a certain set of assumptions about trans people’s bodies.

Personally, I don’t meet someone and say “I don’t know if you’re cute yet and I can’t tell if I’m interested in you because I haven’t taken off your pants yet. Could you take off your underpants real quick and give me a good look at your junk from all angles before I decide if I think that you’re attractive?” And if you try that with a potential partner before you ask them out on a first date uhhh…, good luck… I think you’d be single for a real long time.

Again, we aren’t saying that you are required to be interested in having sex with genitals you aren’t interested in, but we are saying that you shouldn’t assume who has those genitals and recognize that it’s possible to be attracted to someone without knowing what their genitals are.

And if the genital preference is a relationship deal-breaker for you, and you discuss your options with your potential partner and you don’t think you could have your sexual needs met in a relationship with someone who has those parts, or you aren’t interested in a hookup, or whatever the situation is, then it’s fine to say you don’t think staying together is the right choice and that isn’t transphobic. But it isn’t fine to give someone a once over in the club and decide that you’re attracted to them because you think they have a penis because you can’t actually know that for sure.

One thing I think you might find helpful here: When you’re watching a TV show or movie, have you thought that any of the actors are attractive? Have you ever had a “celebrity crush?” And did you actually need to inspect this celebrity’s genitals first before you determined that you found them sexually attractive? Probably not, right?

I don’t know if there is a term that means “preference for penises” and I also don’t know if a term like that is strictly necessary because you could just say it in words, like “I like to have sex with people who have penises,” instead of inventing a new label for that. But a lot of trans people are also wary of adopting new genital-based attraction terminology because we know that kind of label is likely going to be immediately misused by people who are going to apply it in transphobic ways (back to the “assuming you can tell if someone has a penis” thing) and use it to mean they’re not interested in trans people, even if that’s not what the label was meant to convey.

TLDR; there isn’t a sexual orientation word for “attraction to penises/vaginas” because sexual orientation is about the genders you’re attracted to, it isn’t a term that describes whether you prefer a certain body type or body parts.

So sexual orientation is about gender, not genitals. Genital preferences are a different things, and they aren’t inherently transphobic but it depends on the assumptions you’re using about who has what genitals and what they want to do with said genitals.

And because sexual orientation is about gender and not genitals, if you say you’re attracted to women that means you’re attracted to cisgender women and transgender women because trans women are women too. Similarly, if you say you’re attracted to men, that means you’re attracted to men, which includes transgender men and cisgender men because transgender men are also men just like cis men are.

Kii says:

Whether genital preferences are transphobic depends on a few things.

First things first:

You are not ever required to have sex with anyone you don’t want to have sex with. We are not going to tell you you’re required to have sex with a trans person or you’re transphobic. The only reason you should have sex with someone is because everyone involved mutually consents to having sex.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, here’s some other information.

If you find someone attractive, and then you find out they’re trans and are instantly no longer attracted to them, that’s transphobic.

If you are a lesbian and dating someone who later comes out as a trans man, and you want to break up with them because you’re not attracted to men, that’s not transphobic. (Same goes for if you are a gay man dating someone who comes out as a trans woman.)

It’s okay to not want to touch, penetrate, or directly interact with a certain type of genitals during sex, but if you have a partner where this would be an issue, you can choose not to have sex with them, or you can work on alternative sexual situations that you’d both be comfortable with. (Examples may include: use of toys, touching through clothing, mutual masturbation) If you’re making assumptions about how a specific type of genitals is going to be used during sex, that’s generalizing. (ex: just because a penis is involved doesn’t mean the penis has to enter an orifice / just because a vagnia is involved doesn’t mean you have to put something in it.) Sex is very personal and individual. If you like someone, you two can work out what your sexual needs and wants are and you might find they match up even if you didn’t expect them to.

If you say you refuse to have sex with trans women because you don’t like penises, or you refuse to have sex with trans men because you don’t like vaginas, that’s transphobic, because you’re generalizing what trans peoples’ bodies look like. Some trans men have penises, and some trans women have vaginas. Some trans men are some of the most typically masculine people you’ll ever meet and they still have vaginas and some trans women are super stereotypically feminine and still have penises. Some trans people are intersex. Some trans people seek out alternative bottom surgery (two examples). Bottom line: you don’t know what’s in a trans person’s pants until they tell you.

If you’re cis and you’re only attracted to trans people, that’s a fetish and you’re still generalizing trans bodies. This is generally referred to as trans chasing.

If you’re trans and you only feel comfortable dating other trans people, that is generally a safety and security concern, or wanting to date someone who first-hand understands what you’re going through, and that’s okay.

Genital preferences are often heavily skewed against trans women with penises, so it’s important to evaluate why you dislike penises if you feel that way. Transmisogyny is a real problem, and many people use “I don’t like penises” as a blanket statement to avoid dating trans women (yes, this includes some AFAB trans people).

Another person explaining it, via @otherparenthesepleasespecify’s post:

‘what is it called when im attracted to only a certain sex?’ nothing. thats not an orientation, thats a physical preference. one might generally only find themselves attracted to blondes, but that just happens to be what theyre into. one might find penises the most attractive genitalia, but that just happens to be what theyre into. it’s not an orientation to be attracted to physical characteristics, it’s an orientation to be attracted to people.

‘what if i am attracted to a gender but dont feel comfortable interacting with a certain set of genitalia?’ nothing. thats not an orientation either. you are whatever orientation you are, with a repulsion to sex with certain characteristics. thats fine. there are heterosexual people that are sex-repulsed. there are asexual people who aren’t. people of all orientations might be made uncomfortable by certain types of sexual interactions and not others. your comfort with sexual interactions and comfort with certain genitalia can be defined by your personal preferences, your history, trauma, or just complete happenstance. it is perfectly valid to be attracted to men, for example, but not want to get involved with cis men, because of perhaps a history of abuse or oppression. you do not have to justify your choices to participate or not participate in sexual or romantic relationships with anyone, regardless of your orientation. ever.

what would be problematic would be identifying your entire orientation as trans-exclusive or -inclusive, because that quantifies transgender persons as a holistic group who have a single identity, which is not true. anyone you know could be trans without your awareness, and if your interest in or perception of them would wane upon this knowledge, you should consider inspecting yourself for internalized transphobia.

And now that you’ve read all that, please return to the main idea at the beginning of my answer: The only reason you should have sex with someone is because everyone involved mutually consents to having sex.

TLDR: No, genital preferences aren’t inherently transphobic. But it is transphobic to make a blanket statement saying that you wouldn’t date a transgender person because you assume that all trans women have penises (this is wrong because some trans women have gotten surgery and do have vaginas).

It’s also transphobic to equate gender to genitals and say you’re interested in women because you’re attracted to vagina, which assumes that all women have vaginas (this is wrong because some trans women have penises). You can say that you’re attracted to women and you can say you’re attracted to vaginas, but those are two separate statements and saying the first doesn’t necessarily mean saying the second one for some folks.

So don’t assume that all trans people with a particular gender have a particular set of genitals, or assume that you know if/how they want to use those genitals, and then you’re fine.

#Anonymous #kii says #sex m #genitals m #genital preferences #genital preference #penis m #vagina m #transmisogyny #chasing #chasers #fetishization #our own articles #discourse

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just-castlevania-imagines · 6 years ago

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Now the Hunted Pt. 2 ~ Alucard x Fem!Reader~

Part 1 is here, sorry to split them up like this.

-Mod Alucard

You all made your way silently down the stairs, barely able to navigate in the dark. You used one another to get down the creaky stairs, Alucard walking in front, followed by you and then Sypha and Trevor in the back. Once you made it down the stairs, Alucard pulled you to him. He leaned against the wall, trying to look out the window from the side. “I don’t hear the chains anymore.” “So it’s gone?” “I don’t know... relight one of the candles. If it stays out then it’s still nearby.” Alucard instructed. Sypha nodded, not taking to long to relight a single candle. the flame danced on the wick and small amounts of wax began to dribble down the side. “So it’s gone.” Trevor started. “We need to get the fuck out of here.” “How do we cross the river?” You asked, a little hushed. “Sypha, Can you freeze it?” Trevor asked. She shook her head, hugging herself. “No. It’s a fast moving river. The ice I make will break fast. We wouldn’t have enough time to cross it.” “Shit.” “There has to be a boat somewhere in this town. If not ours then a previous resident’s. After all, this city is surrounded by water.” you started, some hope in your tone. “We should split up.” Sypha started. “ We meet back at this house every 10 minutes. If you find a boat, return here immediately until everyone is back.” “Seems like a solid plan,” You said simply, noting the displeased look on your lover. “No,” he said suddenly. “S/O comes with me. You go with Sypha. We can’t split into singles. If something happens to one of us we would never know.” “But if we travel in pairs, we’re more likely to attract something-” “She’s coming with me.” Alucard said forceful, gripping your hand tightly. “I won’t leave her alone in this... Sypha.. Hand me another candle.”

You left the house, going your seperate ways and you and Alucard were ducking through allyways. You held the candle. making sure to protect the flame. “So, probably should have paired me with Sypha.. or Trevor. They both know what we’re dealing with... we don’t.” “So you’d prefer to travel with Belmont, is that it?” He teased, peeking around a corner. you scoffed, making him smirk. “No. It’s just.. They went up against it... we didn’t.” “True... but we have all the information they did. Magic is useless against it. Weapons are useless against it. We know to evade it.. not provoke it. Also if we don’t find a boat and end up spending the night on this island I want to be with you.” “Alucard.” You said sweetly, walking up to him and falling into him. He hugged you, chuckling darkly. “Also, make no mistake, just because I was interrupted doesn’t mean I was done with you yet-” you pushed yourself away from him, trying not to let your giggling get out of control. “You’re so bad.” “Well, tonight was supposed to be special. I’m sorry that I didn’t properly moniter this island ahead of time.”

“These candles are still lit,” sypha said, seeing candles ahead on a front stoop. “It hasn’t been here.” “Fan fucking tastic. “ Trevor said, morose and annoyed. He examined the tightly constructed streets, not seeing anywhere that a sane person would keep a boat. It would take too long to search every house. “You should have let me bring all my weapons-” “How was I supposed to know our night would be ruined?” “Because God hates us.” He said leaning againt the wall beside the lit stoop. Sypha sighed. “Yeah, fair.” The candles flickered for a moment, making the couple look down at them in time to see them all go out and the air suddenly turn cold. Without a second thought Trevor grabbed Sypha and pulled her into a nearby house, closing the heavy door behind them. He held her close, staring out the small window on the houses front door to see if anything was near. Sypha glanced around the dark house and gasped, pulling on Trevor’s sleeve to get his attention. “What’s wrong-” “Look.” She whispered, pointing to an open back door that lead to the alleyway behind the house. Trevor stared into the dark blue abyss. “Do you think it’s-” She stopped short hearing the clanking of chains from upstairs. Trevor grabbed the door knob, prepared to run if need be. “Yeah, I think it’s in the house with us... Sypha, go back to the side S/O and Alucard are investigating. I’ll keep it busy on this side of town.” “but what if-” “I need you to trust me. I’ll keep it at bay for a long as I can.”

“These candles are still lit.” You said, taking one of the taller candles with you to replace the one you had. Alucard was rummaging through a fishign shop, hoping for anything from a raft to even something to simply float on. Nothing. “What if we just take the door off 4 houses? Then all of us have a personal raft. we just need a way to steer them then...” “That might work.” You bolstered his idea, “ What if you have to hole up and stay the night here?” “Well, then I’m taking you to someone’s basement and barracading us from the world.” He answered quickly. You raised a brow curiously at his speed. “What if we’re going to die here?” “Then I’ll hole us up in a bedroom instead. I’m probably not going to heaven but I would like to show it to you.” “You were waiting to use that line.” “For a while, Yes.”He admitted, examining the door to the shop. “This door wouldn’t suffice. It’s too weathered and the small window in it isn’t properly put in. It will sink.” “We need a bedroom or cellar door. Doors without windows on them.” “Good idea.” You scanned the shops front window, happening to see Sypha running through the street. You gasp, pushing past Alucard and leaving the store, running into the dark After Sypha. She stopped once you called out to her, hugging you quickly. “Oh, Thank God I found you both.” “Where is Trevor?” Alucard asked, slightly scared. “Did you get seperated?” “The creature appeared in a house we went into. Trevor told me to find you and said he would keep the creature at bay.” “ugh, of course he did.” Alucard complained. “There are easier ways to die if that’s what he wants.” “Have a little faith.” You said happily. “He’s a Belmont after all.” “Hopefully not a dead one.”

Trevor crept behind the bar, the creature swinging it’s dim lantern all through the tavern. it saw him run into here. It knows he’s trapped. Trevor heavily wrapped the morning star in some fabric to prevent it from giving away his position. He used the bottle displayed behind the bar. Their reflection served to help Trevor track the beast. When he noticed it turned, he crawled out from behind the counter and made his way towards the tavern’s back door. He prayed to whatever God he could that the floorboards didn’t decide to squeak. He saw it. It glowed a sinsiter light blue in the darkness, hunched over like and old man. The dim blow of it’s lantern didn’t even compare to the glow it let off. Trevor was so entranced by it that he didn’t notice the chair that he walked into, causing it to harshly rub against the wood floor. The being cracked it’s neck violently to turn to Trevor, revealing it’s shriveled and sunken face. It sported a fixed grin, sinister and malicious. It’s as if it’s face was stuck that way. Trevor jumped to his feet, bolting down the hall to a lone door at the end. “I just have to make it to the alley. I jsut have to-” He opened the door with a bang, freezing to see that we was now trapped in a hallway and the door he thought was freedom was a broom closet. “....Shit.”

Wow, This idea is a lot longer than I thought it would be.

-Mod Alucard

#castlevania #Castlevania netflix

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rkwendy · 6 years ago

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Five Times Around The Sun: A Rookies Fifth Anniversary Special

Dear Rookies,

First of all, I’d like to wish the roleplay a happy fifth birthday! I’m aware that not many roleplays live to make it this far. For you guys to make it, I’ll bet it’s some sort of achievement. And it’s all because of the work both the mods and the members of the community put into this. Let’s give ourselves a round of applause!

I warn you that this is more than 5,500 words long. So yeah. You are free to just skip over this if you wish!

There’s so much I want to say, but I’ve never been great at expressing my feelings. (Fun fact: my mom and I start laughing whenever one of us starts getting cheesy or emotional.) I never even properly celebrated either muse’s anniversaries despite them being in Rookies for more than two years! Forgive me if this gets too long. I promise I’ll do my best to keep this concise (Wow, big word!)

With this knowledge, please bear with me as I struggle to convey all that I want to say without cringing at myself.

I guess it’s safest to start sharing the story of why I opted to join Rookies in the first place. Like majority of what happened to me in terms of KRP, it was a complete accident. I have been in KRP since 2011 (if any of you have heard of ADiS, then… yeah… shifty eyes). I kind of stopped roleplaying because a job with a newspaper was difficult af. (I only went home to shower and eat. I was lucky to be able to sleep, lbr here) Anyway, I needed something to do once I resigned from my old job, and my friends got me back into KRP via a Kingsman-themed one, since they wanted someone to RP Infinite with them. I think some of you know which one it is. /cackles/

MOVING ON. This same friend also planned to join the Rookies and wanted a ship for their muse. We both ended up doing applications, but I was the only one who was able to submit because my friend ended up getting a job. Thus, my friend was never able to join the RP and I got accepted.

A little history time! Please bear with me, this is going to be irrelevant to you but I feel like I need to talk about this. Fun fact I probably never told anyone! Wendy was originally meant to be a Krystal muse. However, I had to make a few adjustments because there was either a Krystal reserve or there was a Krystal muse in the RP. I can’t remember which one it was. The muse was loosely inspired by Berry Good’s Johyun and NCT Dream’s Jaemin, who both used to be competitive speed skaters before they became idols. I changed the sport to figure skating because that is the sport I know best. Wendy was also based on several friends of mine, who were all a bunch of somewhat pretty overachievers. (Going to one of the top universities in the country enables you to meet these people, more on that when I talk about Johnny later on.)

I’m not going to lie, this was the first time I was in a directory that was this HUGE. (Not even ADiS was this huge. Min, please correct me if I’m wrong.) It was easy for me to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in the directory, along with concerns that my muse was just going to drown among the many way more interesting muses than what I had to offer.

It would have been easier for me to quit, since the reason I joined was gone. However, Jen ( @yujurk ) turned out to be one of my friends from my Indie RP days! Not going to lie, if it wasn’t for Jen, I doubt I’d have stayed in the roleplay at all. Jen helped ease me into the roleplay in all ways imaginable: by plotting with me, introducing me to muns from the same timezone, and answering any questions in case our good mods weren’t online.

As I was navigating and slowly finding my place in the RP, the third season of the MGAs happened! Not going to lie, I wasn’t sure I was ready for Wendy to be signed, but I thought I might as well do it for the lulz. I know I said this a lot, but the MGAs were probably the among the wildest things I ever put a muse through that I swore that I was never putting another muse through it. Despite that, I’m glad I put Wendy through the experience. It taught her a lot about herself, as well as how far she was willing to push in order to achieve her dreams. At this point, I would like to give a shout-out to Team Nova! Wendy and I can’t imagine having any other teammates besides Jungwoo ( @jungwooxrk ), and the former Luhan ( who is still around as @rksoojung and is still one of Wendy’s loves ), Mijoo, and Soyou (RIP muses). Of course, Wendy owes Ricky ( @rkrxcky ) a lot for leading her to where she is today. Thanks you guys.

After the MGAs, Wendy signed with Nova. I’d like to thank everyone in the Nova family, both past and present, for putting up with this tiny girl who claims to be their future CEO. After two years with the company, Wendy has become (hopefully) an even better vocalist and composer. Sure, her dancing and charisma can use more work — scratch that, a lot more work — but we will get her to a level that’s passable. After all, if she intends to inherit the company someday, she has to do well in the department Nova is known for. I never thought Wendy would last this long as a trainee, but here we are. She could have easily left during Royal Survival, but she didn’t. OOC, the event happened when I was taking TOPIK so RIP. IC, the reason was because she believes in whatever plans Nova has for her (if there are any LMAO). Although she’s having second thoughts now, she’s still determined to see it through. She intends to inherit the company from Hyun Bin, so she has to stay. LOL.

To Minju ( @jinkyungxrk ), thank you for being one of the first to welcome Wendy to the company and making it easy for her to adjust to trainee life. Ani ( @rkmiya ), Wendy and Sunmi have made it! Can you all believe it took Wendy TWO FREAKING YEARS to get comfortable enough with Sunmi to call her unni? And can you all believe it took us around that long to actually plot properly? JFC we are both such snails. Matt ( @rksona ), wherever you are, Wendy will always consider Dawon as one of her Nova best friends. After all, they’re both vocalists who signed pretty close to the same time. To my fellow KRP senior citizen MC/Jae ( @sujirk ) (IDK which you prefer so I’ll use both), it’s nice to know there’s someone close to my age who’s still RP-ing too, despite feeling like that Will Smith meme when finding out how YOUNG some of these children are. And here’s to Wendy and Suji getting to know each other and becoming closer. Maddy ( @rkkaeun )… Where do I even begin? Wendy likes Kaeun a lot and is excited to see how Kaeun will grow, and I feel the same about you too. To Chaeyoung mun ( @rkchaeyoung ) (Honestly, I have no idea how you like to be called, so I shall refer to you as Sowon and Chaeyoung mun for now, I’m so sorry!) and Sunny ( @rkmeiqi ), Chaeyoung and Meiqi are special to Wendy because they are simply the first fellow 98-line girls to join Nova. To Neo ( @rkyngsun ), we have yet to talk a lot and plot more, but I’m grateful that you’re okay with Wendy going all Regina George on your girl. This is going to be a slightly slow burn ship before these vocalists become gay for each other in a way. But I just hope we stick together for this crazy ride. And Nana ( @hyunark ), with Hyuna signed to Nova, Wendy’s even happier than ever, despite feeling some occasional salt at their beloved CEO. Here’s to our girls writing more songs together~

To the boys of Nova, thank you all for being the best boys you can possibly be. To Jess ( @rkhuidong ), thank you having Hui be kind of like a dad/older brother to Wendy. Thank you for assuring her that she did the right thing even if she was punished for it. To Chanel, (OMG this is mention number 2, Chanel!) Ricky is Wendy’s coach and kind of mentor, as well as the fourth-wall reality check. To Lex (you better get used to this. I have a feeling you’ll be mentioned A LOT), our kids have gone through so much, haven’t they? The MGAs, surviving Nova, and a lot more. Wendy cares for Jungwoo a lot, and she hopes they can tough this out together. To Joi ( @bambamrk ), Wendy’s always admired how cool and nice he is. She hopes he’s happy. To Fifi ( @haknyeonrk ), Circe ( @rkmbin ), and Lulu ( @rksxngyeol ), Wendy would love to get to know your boys all so much better. To Rome ( @rkromeo ), (the now-gone) Jinyoung, and (old) Kihyun, you will always be honorary Nova Boys to Wendy, no matter what.

To Roe ( @rkhugo @rkyooa @suhork ), Wendy wouldn’t let me lump Hugo with all the other boys of Nova. After all, Hugo is special. I’m grateful that Roe entrusted Hugo’s heart in Wendy’s inexperienced hands. I’m honored that Roe actually agreed to have Hugo go through a slow-burn ship, especially when I’m aware that she isn’t the most patient of people when it comes to that. Thank you for putting up with both Wendy’s lack of affection and her inexperience when it comes to relationships, and all the things she fears. Thank you again for putting up with my snail’s pace replies, but I want you to know it’s because I want to give Hugo the replies he deserves. The muse for this ship is alive and kicking, and I intend to keep it that way. Both Wendy and I love you and Hugo so much, Roe. LOL I spent so much time talking about Hugo that I forgot to mention how much both Wendy and Johnny also care about Yooa and Suho, but they do.

Now I’m on the topic of thanks to, I think I should also give a special shout-out to the girls of rkredvelet. Though we don’t talk as often as I’d like, I have to admit you were among the first to plot with me when I was new here. You are all Wendy’s best friends for life.

To Rose ( @rkyeri ): I like seeing you tweet about dancing and your takes on things. I also learn a lot from you! Your comments in the KT groupchat crack me up a lot as well. You’re doing amazing, bb! On a muse perspective, Yeri is one of Wendy’s oldest friends, going back from their days in Canada. Wendy just wants Yeri to know that she’s proud of her for being one step closer to her dreams. She’s also asking when she can start printing the Anna slogan.

To Keith ( @rkjxy ): Hoy, bakla. Other than being a ray of sunshine to both Wendy and me, thank you for everything. Just as Wendy and Joy have fun together anytime, anywhere, I like to think it can become something like that for us both. I love our discussions about local stuff and fandom. May mapapagraduate na ako! /cries proud mom tears/

To Kyle ( @seulgirk ): One of the true MVPs of my life. Just as I honestly have no idea where Wendy would be without Seulgi, I don’t want to imagine what would have happened to me if you hadn’t helped me out all those times. Seulgi is practically Wendy’s person. (LBR, if Hugo had to be threatened by anyone, it’s Seulgi.) I also enjoy commiserating over watching winter sports at godforsaken timeslots (one of these days, I’ll understand hockey enough), as well as listening to to you/reading your tweets discussing your muses/muse ideas. And those puns of yours give me so much life.

Anyway, next up, I’d like to give a shoutout to rkbrosquad!!!! Honestly, having you guys made life a lot more colorful for me, as well as both my muses. I’m not going to lie, this is probably one of the first group chats I was ever in, in terms of KRP. It’s like my muses gained a new family with this insane, but loving bunch. I also like how this chat can also turn into a meme dumpsite, a spazz area, and a tea corner if we need it. Here’s to more adventures with our muses and if distance isn’t an issue, I bet we’d all look for chances to meet.

To Jen, you are one of the reasons we have a squad in the first place. Without you, I bet I wouldn’t have stayed after the first week. Having a familiar face who’s been with the RP for a long time helped me get settled much more easily. It was your helpful self that inspired me to pay it forward for the future muns who’d enter the RP. So if anyone’s grateful that I was friendly to them, please direct your compliments to Jen for setting a good example! Other than that, you and your muses changed my muses’ lives completely. Shoutout goes to her mentor Jieun and one of her closest friends Soyeon.

To Lyn ( @rkavery @rkxsnn ), hoy mumsh. It’s refreshing to able to talk to more people in the same language. Not to mention, your muses always got up to the wildest antics that had both my muses and me laughing. I’m cheering for you both in rp and in real life. Alam mo ‘yan. And muse-wise, thanks for letting your former boy be the James Potter to Johnny’s Sirius Black (or vice versa). Johnny and I will miss your boy loads, but we also welcome your new girls with open arms. And also thanks for shipping with Wendy at some point, even if she ended up broken. (ULOL ang drama!)

To Shinobi ( @rkgray @rkkangjoon ): You are legitimately one of the sweetest people I have ever had the fortune to meet. You’re nice to everyone, get along well with people, and have the most awesome characters ever. Your ideas are just A+++. Gray will also always be the reason Wendy’s standards for men are so high, since in her eyes, Gray is perfect. (Gray will get Johnny’s love in the KT Boyz segment) Meanwhile, Kangjoon will be that handsome brother Wendy will be protective about because she thinks he deserves the best. Johnny will always thank Kangjoon for accidentally smacking him in the butt, which lead him to the best squad ever. #NEVERFORGET

To Nana: OMG! This is your second mention. All those posts of Hyuna and LE to send the group chat into a gay panic are more than welcome. It’s always fun plotting with you and your muses, no matter which one it is. Wendy is proud of Jihoon ( @jihoonrk ) in Convex, as well as looking for a chance to release some hilarious pre-debut shit. As for Hyuna, we all know how much Wendy admires Hyuna and loves her a lot. Here’s to hopefully getting to plot with Younghyun sooner or later!

To Maddy ( @aronrk ): Yes, this is your second mention too. Wendy and Aron have yet to thread together, yeah? LOL. Anyway, Wendy obviously cares a lot about Aron, Kaeun, and Nayoung. And I think it carries over to me caring a lot about you. It’s cool to talk to someone who works in the same industry as I do (rather as I used to) and have the same interests. Bonus points for living in the same timezone! (Aron will get Johnny’s love in the KT Boyz segment)

To Sammi ( @rkxminhee ): You are also one of the nicest people I have ever met. I love learning about girl groups from you, since I’m generally clueless about the ones outside of the Big Three or aren’t as well-known. I’m not going to lie, everytime I see Minhee, I think of you. I remember seeing Minhee post that she was in my country, and the first thing I thought was, “DOES SAMMI KNOW MINHEE IS IN MY COUNTRY?!”

To Em ( @borark ): You’re doing an amazing job as a momma to a cutie pie! Anyway, Bora is one of the coolest girls Wendy has ever known, just as I think you are one of my faves. We need a proper thread ASAP when we’re both not busy T_T

Bet y’all thought that was done, right? Nope. We still have a long way to go. Trust me, if you’re getting tired reading this, I’m even more exhausted writing it. We’ll all just have to deal with it. RIP @ us.

Back in 2016, NCT U, NCT 127, and NCT Dream had debuted. Back then, I was aware that Johnny, the SM Rookie who trained with SM the longest had yet to debut. So as a joke, I thought to myself, I’ll debut him before SM does. He came in a month after Wendy got signed at the MGAs. I figured I could handle two muses so LOL. He started as an NPC friend for Wendy who had a crush on Seulgi, and then I thought I could bring him in.

The first time I knew it was time for Johnny to graduate from NPC to actual muse was when I was watching a local drama called “On the Wings of Love.” One of the characters was a spoken-word artist, and I felt like it was something that suited the Johnny muse I had. I also wanted to bring in a muse who can speak Filipino, so I had an excuse to say PUTANGINA on the dash, as well as spread OPM to Rookies.

From there, Johnny just started becoming more real to me as a muse. Johnny was also based on several college friends of mine, who were all a bunch of insanely intelligent and talented people. He was inspired by a classmate who was actually a MYX VJ (local music TV channel) who was also taking up a pre-med degree. Johnny was also inspired by the guy who became our class valedictorian: a dork who was smart AF and could sing, dance, act, write songs, and was part of the debate team with me. One of my closest friends who I miss a lot was gifted with a superior IQ and an almost flawless memory, and she was also a CF model. All these people inspired me to bring Johnny to life.

Honestly, Johnny brought on a new series of challenges that I never thought was possible. I was less awkward when I brought him in, since I was already somewhat at ease with the community. The challenge was to make him want to be an idol. But somehow, fate let things happen and loh and behold!

From not wanting anything to do with the entertainment industry, Johnny finds himself immersed in it all. He would like to thank the former Jungkook muse (who might make a return as a different FC hint hint) for forging his application for that Samsung modeling casting. That started his interest and curiosity for modeling. However, he got his feet wet only when his teacher told him to go for it. But still, that forgery got him a start.

Then, the life-changing talent show happened. Johnny owes Hugo a huge-ass thank you for signing up him for that Hongdae talent show. He is now proud to be a KT (KermiT) Boy. I still have no clue how Johnny wants to develop from being a genius turned model to becoming the artist he can be. But I guess that’s what we will all have to anticipate.

I hadn’t planned for Johnny to fall in love. In fact, I was planning to make him an asexual hermit. Sure, he’s had crushes on Seulgi and Lisa, but he never dreamed those could amount to anything. He was supposed to be forever alone. (To Roe, that time Yukji tried flirting with Johnny will always be one of the most iconic moments.) However, Ten happened! Yay! Nine asked to plot so nicely, and I figured why the hell not? Okay, fun fact, the reason I planned for Johnny to be a hermit was because I was too scared to be called out for face-chasing. I’m relieved that Nine reached out first. And now they’re the cutest boyfriends. Again, I would like to apologize for my snail’s pace when it comes to replies. I will talk a little more about this later on. I promise.

Another reason Johnny has stayed alive for so long was because of all the friends he’s made over the time we’ve been in this RP. Honestly, every single one of these friends have made Johnny’s life more exciting, more colorful, and have taken him in directions he never would have considered if left to his own devices. I guess the long-ass thank you messages are now in order.

To rknctea:

To Nine ( @tenrk ): You go first simply because Johnny asked me to. Besides, I want to thank you and Ten for making Johnny believe that he’s capable of love and sexual feelings. Ten makes Johnny want to be the right person for Ten, and to be a better boyfriend. I don’t know whether I ever mentioned this, but Johnny sees Ten in his future. OOC-wise, I’m thankful that you brought us NCT typists together in the group chat. Not to mention, you make me laugh with all the stuff you link in there. In our DMs, I love how we both get soft together over JohnTen. Whether it’s plots for our boys or IRL JohnTen doing stuff, it’s always great sharing the feels with you.

To Yurim ( @rktaeil ): To one of the people I’ve known longest in RK (outside the brosquad), my experience in Rookies wouldn’t be the same without you. I’m glad you brought in Taeil. Although I reply at a glacial pace now, I’m excited to see what happens to Taeil. I still find it hilarious that you declared your NCT bias will be whose calling card you’ll draw. Anyway, the reason your barrel man has yet to come to you is because I will personally bring it to you when I fly there next year. If you have any other requests, please let me know anytime before I fly. (I will let you know when we’re arriving so we can meet.)

To Hunnie ( @yutark ): We have been through a lot during the time we’ve known each other. You point out things I don’t notice otherwise and work way harder than I do, just as Yuta shows Johnny perspectives that are immensely different from his own. I struggle coming up with ways to ruin my muses’ lives and to just write in general. I don’t know how you do it so religiously and so diligently on top of schoolwork. We also spazz over a lot of different fandoms together, and I’m happy that you’re a lot happier now. Also, welcome to the UAAP life. I’m glad you decided to watch basketball with me and that you’re somehow rekindling your love for the game. Game Two, here we come!

To Min ( @rkjaemin ): You would have gone first but Johnny insisted otherwise. Buwisit siya. We have been together since 2011 and I hope this doesn’t change at all. You knew me from when I was a total noob to the RP world, and have been one of those who saw my writing improve or deteriorate over the years. You are one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met IC or OOC. I’m happy you joined this madhouse called Rookies with me, and I hope this is good healing for you from work. I love you and can we please have dinner with the rest of the girls soon? Just as I will always be rooting for you and will be available to help, please tell your evil spawn of a muse that Johnny’s willing to help him too. Same goes for Wendy and Somi.

To Peach ( @rkhaechan ): When I first told Min to join Rookies, I never thought you two would find each other. But I’m glad you did. You make my girl so happy, and with that, I’m happy too. I will go down with the S.S. PeachMin. I better be invited to that wedding. Anyway, Johnny loves Haechan a lot, especially because he makes evil spawn Jaemin so happy. Haechie may be my new fave of your muses, but Soyou will always be special to me. After all, Wendy wouldn’t have lasted in the MGAs without your girl going all soccer mom on the whole team. Wendy hopes that Jihyun unni is proud of her.

To Jen ( @rkmxrk ): You are honestly one of the most fun people I have ever talked to. We can talk about fandom, winter sports, and just about how our days went. It doesn’t really matter. Long live KKT calls. Not to mention, long live being a professional enabler who convinces the rest of us to spend our hard-earned money on our faves. LMAO. One thing I also learned from you, is to be careful of what I say because you’ll have RECEIPTS. Just as Johnny looks after Mark and wishes for him to succeed, I wish the same for you. And Johnny’s proud that Mark’s finally getting what he’s been trying to say for the last few months.

To Fifi ( @jaehyunrk ), Dayo ( @rkxsicheng ) , Phil ( @rkdoyoung ), Grey ( @rkjeno ), Adri ( @rktaeyxng ): although we don’t talk as much, I’m still thankful that you’re all here. I’d like for us to get to know each other even better, even if I’m either a shy hermit, a lazy egg, or just awake when you’re asleep. But you all bring lots of laughter to the group chat, and I’d like for Johnny to plot with your boys too. (Or in Fifi’s case, Get Johnny and Jaehyun a new thread challenge)

To Lex: Damn it, Lex. I’ve lost track how many times I’ve mentioned you. I hope you’re enjoying your stay in the rknctea group chat. And I hope that somehow, Johnny and Jungwoo find their ways to each other.

To the KT Ent muses and muns:

To Carly ( @taeminrk ) : I was really planning to save this for later when I got to my thank you mods part, but I thought oh well. Anyway, I want to thank you for being one of the best mods to help me get settled when I was new here. As well as answering any questions I had, no matter how stupid they were. I’m glad I got over the initial intimidation of “OMG MOD!” to someone I can actually have fun talking to. I just hope Johnny eventually gets over that “OMG SUNBAE!” vibe Taemin gives out. Johnny always saw Taemin as the senior he has to impress and not disappoint. Trust me, Johnny’s trying but he feels like he’ll never be good enough for Taemin’s standards. LMAO

To Maddy: Johnny always thought of Aron as one of the coolest, happiest, and most talented people he’s ever met. Aron radiates sunshine in Johnny’s opinion, and he wonders how someone can be so bright all the time. Yes, Aron has permission to climb Johnny like a tree and Johnny will enjoy it.

To Shinobi: Johnny will always say Gray is his idol. Hands down. He can give Jongdae a run for his money. He will also go down with the old man ship of Gray and Huidong.

To Lulu ( @minhyukxrk ): Johnny’s rooting for his fellow twin tower and he hopes that Minhyuk will one day be the rich, talented billionaire he knows Minhyuk can be. Tall people unite despite this short revolution!

To Yurim ( @rkxkjd ): If Taemin is the strict dad, then Jongdae is the cool dad Johnny wants to be like when he grows up. After all, Jongdae is probably the muse who’s known Johnny the longest. These two go way back and are both nerds.

To Lex ( @rksungho ): Oh man, I gave up counting how many mentions you got. This is probably going to be the last. Sungho and Johnny are different as they can be, despite a somewhat similar skillset. Not going to lie, Johnny wants to get along with him, despite Sungho just being so angry at everything.

To Cherry ( @rkjimin ): We don’t get to talk as often as I’d like, but I’d like for that to change as soon as we’re both not busy. Jimin is a lovely muse, and Johnny looks forward to getting to know him better in the future~

To Hunnie ( @rksunwoo ): Sunwoo is special to Johnny, because they joined KT at around the same time. There has to be something to be said about two strangers who started a journey at the same time. Johnny wishes he was as talented and talented as Sunwoo. I like to think that Johnny and Sunwoo have a unique bond that only the two of them can understand.

To Shino ( @rkjinjin ): Johnny and Jinwoo, aka big guy and small fry. Just kidding. Though for real, Johnny is always impressed with Jinwoo’s talent and is grateful to learn so much from him. As for you Shino, having you around is lots of fun. I have learned not to say any silly stuff in the group chat unless I wish to be exposed. (Never forget: VORE TAEMIN)

To Hyunjin mun (T_T IDK How you want to be addressed) ( @rkxhyunjin ): You are the only KT Boy Johnny has no thread with. I’d love for us to change that ASAP. Please?

To the females at KT, Johnny loves and respects you a lot. He’d love to get closer with you all. For now, he declares Haseul ( @haseulrk ) and Jennie ( @rkjennie ) as his faves, because he’s closest to them. Johnny never thought he’d be a step-parent to a dog, but Ahyoung ( @rkxblue ) somehow got him to do it, so she’s special too. He also sees Minji ( @rkariel ) as the older sister you don’t want to disappoint, while Yeri is the younger sister he finds hilarious. He’d also love to get to know Audrey, ( @rkaudrey ), Momo ( @rkxmomo ), Luda ( @rkxluda ), and Chungha ( @rkchungha ) better!

To Carly and Keith, and by some extension, Kate, Johnny has come to see Luna ( @rkluna ) and Jisoo ( @rkjisoo ) (and Eve ( @rkxeve,) by extension) as his lesbian moms. He low-key blames and credits them for being why he is the way he is today. You don’t get raised by two extremely opposite but equally bad-ass women and not be some mix of weird. He doesn’t get to talk to his moms so much, but he wants them to know he loves them a lot.

I can’t leave this without yelling at Lari! Baekhyun ( @rkbyunbaek ) is the best host brother Johnny could ever ask for. Both of us can’t imagine this boy living with anyone else but Baekhyun’s family. Johnny feels bad that they hardly ever see each other anymore, but that doesn’t change how much he loves Baekhyun. Johnny is actually going to be upset when he’ll have to move out of the Byun residence because he’s going to miss this host family a lot.

I’d also like to thank people I have yet to properly thread with (or seldom get to thread with) but talk to frequently OOC, especially on Twitter. There’s way too many of you to be tagged, but you know who you all are. I love how we can talk about anything, ranging from K-Pop to local showbiz, to current events, and more random topics.

Finally, I’d like to thank the mods, each one, having helped me in some shape or form. Kyle, Keith, and Carly, you all got long-ass love letters from me, so I won’t bother repeating myself anymore. To Sera, you truly are hard carry AF. Thank you noticing my hiatus messages and just being there in general. I’ve always told people you are great, and I’m glad my faith isn’t misplaced at all. To Bianca, thank you for answering my stupid AF questions during events. Because I swear even I would roll my eyes at myself for some of the things I ask sometimes. To Mira, you were one of the mods who welcomed me back when I was new. So I’d like to thank you for that. Wendy misses one of her mean girl friends~ To Razel, those graphics are A++++ Here’s to more talking about PH showbiz, food, and to us finally having a proper thread!

I bet I forgot so many people, but this is about how much I can write. Fun fact! I started writing this post at around 11:30am, and I finished writing this at around 6pm. If you made it this far, congratulations!

I’ll spare you all from my rambling, and I’ll just end it here.

My muses and I are cheering for everyone and their muses in their endeavors, whether IC or OOC. I would also like to apologize for the times I have offended you, whether I was aware of it or not. (I’m sure I’ve apologized if I was aware of it, but yeah.) I’m trying to be a better person than I was the day before. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’ll do my best to be a better mun to both Wendy and Johnny, as well as be a better member of this community.

With all my love,

Clara (rkwendy and rkjohnny)

#rkfifth #i am never writing something this long ever again. FML #this is what i get for not writing commemoration posts for my muse #ignore this word barf #for the love of all that's good and holy. someone post something fast!

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