#I can’t believe this was my dream for so long and I’ve actually now accomplished one of my career goals

[nico-di-genova]

Went from writing the blog posts to taking over the entire backend of the website.

[tblsomedoodles]

Some Seer Leo au stuff (particularly in regards to the possible Soothe Sayer Donnie i briefly mentioned would be cool)

Ok ok, let me explain my thought process a little better as far as this goes (now that I’ve had time to think on it and put some words together other they "hey wouldn't that be neat.)

First let me explain the “American Dragon: Jake Long” reference b/c it’s pretty crucial to why I immediately thought Donnie for the sooth sayer.

Ok, so in “American Dragon:Jake Long” There’s a pair of oracle twins named Sara and Kara.

(they look different in season 2 but i like these designs better)

Sara (left) only sees the bad things while Kara (right) only sees the good. Because of this, Sara’s personality is very happy and chipper while Kara’s is very doom and gloom. To quote the Wiki “Because [Sara] can only see bad things, Sara has learned to overcome the negative aspects of life and to seize every good moment she can get. The smallest amount of good news makes her extremely happy.” “Because Kara can only see good things, she feels like there's nothing more she can get out of life. There are no pleasant surprises anymore and everything becomes dull to her.”

I haven’t watched this show in a very long time, but these characters have always stuck out to me because of this. Not because they acted opposite of their powers, but because of the reasoning behind them acting different. Particularly the fact that seeing the good things can be just as much of a curse as seeing the bad things.

Now, let’s put that in comparison to our Disaster twins.

Leo tends to be happy and excitable throughout the series (even if part of the time he’s actively faking it.) Pair that with him being a doom prophet and, hey, that kinda sounds like Sara.

Donnie can be very pessimistic in the series and (maybe this is just my interpretation of him) actively obsesses over negative stuff to the point of inventing things simply on the off chance they may need it (donnie pods. Donnie’s gifts. Etc). Add the possibility of him being a sooth sayer to the mix, and that adds a different context to those actions, especially before he starts remembering his dreams. And definitely sounds a bit like Kara.

b/c if you remember how Leo’s dreams work, before his nimpo is unlocked, they are very indistinct and he almost immediately forgets them upon waking up. All that’s left behind is the vague Deja vous feeling whenever an event he dreamed actually happens (coupled with a ‘not surprised’ feeling.) Therefore, Donnie’s would work similarly, the only difference is that his visions wouldn’t be nightmarish and wouldn’t actually wake him up (therefore, not nearly as disruptive, or memorable, as even Leo’s indistinct dreams.)

 So! If the one thing that consistently takes Donnie by surprise is the bad stuff, of course he’s going to obsess over every possible thing that could go wrong b/c it’s the bad stuff he doesn’t want to be surprised by.

And that’s just before their Nimpo is unlocked.

Afterwards, both of their prophetic dreams would increase in clarity and, more importantly, they would remember them. But, by then, Don has the dreamcatcher up and he’s seeing all of Leo’s doom ridden, apocalypse timeline dreams as much as Leo (who is seeing them every night at that point.) So, Don can easily pass off his own few positive apocalypse timeline dreams (little things like CJ being brought into the family or a small victory they accomplished) as just, his subconscious trying to put a nice spin on the horrible stuff he’s seeing from Leo.

As far as Donnie realizing those visions are prophetic, at that point he wouldn’t even believe Leo’s are prophetic until he meets CJ “Time-travel is possible and I did it” Jones. A kid he’s seen grow up in both Leo’s and his dreams, and who’s existence just proved Leo’s dreams are real. It’s probably not until after the attempted invasion is over and Donnie’s own visions pick up speed (now having nothing to do with Leo’s and can’t be passed off as such) does Donnie grudging realize his dreams might be prophetic too. (he might even have a short talk with CJ, asking indirectly about one of his own visions, and finding it really did happened.)

(also just, Do you know how much more of a Disaster these twins would be if they could work together to see the whole image? Just the two of them using their joint knowledge to make their enemies lives a living hell would be amazing)

Ok, my exceptionally long explanation to my thoughts are over. TL;Dr, Donnie should be a sooth sayer b/c it would, in a very ironic way, fit his personality. And it would piss him off.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

[sparklyslug]

I HAVE FINISHED CHAPTER THREE, CRACKED 40K, ANNOUNCED THE POST DATE and according to my serial killer progress spreadsheet, am 68% to my new projected word count (original was 35k lol oh baby look as us now)

To celebrate all of that, here is a sneak peek of some assholes behaving extremely badly:

……

Steve is moodily drawing shapes into the spilled bit of sugar next to his cappuccino (ordered, depressingly, with the hope that he might need his energy for a long night of getting to know the love of his fucking life or whatever) when the chair across from him is finally pulled back. 

He startles, with a white-hot flash of near euphoric surprise, until all the light drains out of him a mere second later. 

“Of all the gin joints in all the world,” Eddie Munson jokes, the absolute last person Steve wants to see right now. 

He wonders if he’s dreaming for a second, less because of how totally unexpected it is to see Eddie here and right now, and more because of how unlike himself Eddie looks. Unlike the Eddie Steve has become used to, anyway: gone is the black suit, black shirt, black tie. Instead, Eddie appears to be wearing jeans (dark blue wash, but still), and a richly-saturated blue turtleneck. Steve’s used to him looking hard, and sharp, but the sweater is all softness, looks as luxurious to the eye as it doubtless feels to the touch. His hair looks a little different too– like he’s put a little pomade in it, or something, the curls pushed back from his face. That, and how Eddie has actually shaved the bit of scruffy stubble Steve had been just getting used to as a part of 1990s Eddie, kind of make his mouth goes dry. It takes a few years off him, it’s closer to the Eddie Steve had known more than ten years ago, but even more alarming than that is how there’s nothing hiding how the line of his jaw is firm. How his chin is stubbornly rounded and strong, and how impossible it is not to notice his full lips. Which are currently twisted up into a smile. Not a particularly genuine one, either. 

“No, no, no,” Steve hisses, once the horror dislodges itself from his throat enough for him to form actual words. “You can’t be here right now.”

“Man, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that one,” Eddie remarks. “Granted, usually with a little more that-extradimensional-portal-wasn’t-here-a-second-ago dread to it, but–”

“I mean it, Eddie,” Steve says. “You can’t be here.”

Eddie considers him for a second. 

“And yet,” he says. “Here I am. What’s the big deal, Steve? Expecting someone?”

“I am, actually,” Steve says with a sneer. It’s not a lie, and Eddie certainly doesn’t need to know that PK is a depressing forty minutes late. 

“Wow, get a load of that blush. That, and the whole delectable, reach-out-and-touch-me ensemble, sure does make a guy wonder some things,” Eddie leans back in his seat, looking unfortunately like he has zero intention of clearing out. “Would this happen to be a date, Steve? Wait a minute– of course it is, you’ve even brought flowers. Well– flower. Singular. So maybe it’s not a hot date, but a date nonetheless.”

To Steve’s mounting horror, he picks up the sunflower laid across the cover of The Wizard of Oz. Waggles its drooping head towards Steve’s with a grin. 

“Would you believe me if I told you that this happens to be my favorite flower?” Eddie says, before slipping the stem between his teeth. Wiggles his eyebrows suggestively like he’s about to do a tango, or something. 

“I would not,” Steve says through gritted teeth, making a half-hearted gesture to try and get the flower out of Eddie’s mouth while also not drawing any attention to the two of them (it’s really impossible to accomplish both things, so he quickly gives up). “It would just be more bullshit, as usual.”

Eddie fortunately takes the flower out of his mouth, rubbing a thumb over the clear marks of where his teeth were pressed around the stem, as though he could smooth away the indentations they’d left behind. The sight of it makes Steve almost want to cry. 

“I don’t bullshit you, Steve,” Eddie says, and Steve would almost think it was serious from the look in his eyes, if it wasn’t for the way he’s still grinning at Steve’s discomfort. “And it’s true– one of many things you might find out, if you got to know me.”

[operation-cursed-sweet-tooth]

For everyone in this room, what is your greatest accomplishment so far?

Staring the EPF and keeping the island safe, plus also keeping a secret for so long that I even ran it

Hard to say- most of my inventions kinda count….uhhh I believe I’ve answered before but it’d be the Time Trecker 3000

Being able to train with all sorts of puffles!

Being able to scare Herbert at least once *snicker* plus being able to train Agent to get to where they are today✨ that and I guess making all my costumes for any agent to use in missions?

Getting to be at the rank I am now… and well….not dying yet

I dunno… I can’t think at all right now…everything is spinning…making me nauseous…. *groan*

I….have no clue actually-

Getting to the highest rank in the EPF I could’ve ever imagined- kinda a dream actually

Uhhhh….good question…um… I guess being allowed to even be here?? Cause uh- I have helped these fellas quite a bit and Gary barely lets me touch his inventions in the first place- imma just thank Miss Arctic for that one *chuckle* she’s a sweetheart, mostly to me is seems- that or I’m imagining things again

Meeting Gary in person✨ and also becoming friends with everyone I have so far -and meeting Gary-

Well…I’d say my greatest accomplishment would be staring the penguin band, plus just meeting those 4 in the first place….nobody could replace those guys if they tried

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 2

After a couple of hours and some eating, I begin to feel myself again. I may have eaten more than usual, which isn’t a big deal, but I felt like I hadn’t eaten in days, maybe weeks, but I most certainly have. I’m used to feeling sickly; I did have an unusual mind flayer tadpole in my brain for months, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary for me. Oh, Gods, please don’t let it somehow be another tadpole. Not sure how that would be possible unless the little parasite laid eggs somehow. Do they even lay eggs?

Gale finally comes home from the Academy after some time, looking exhausted but antsy to see me after a long day. He appears to feel yet again satisfied with all of his accomplishments today, and I’m always glad to see it. This is the dream he has always wanted to live and watching him thrive and reach his goals is satisfying on every level. I love him for the man he is, rather than the god he wanted to be. He doesn’t have to please me like he had to try and please his pompous goddess. He places his heavy magic books on the shelf, then walks up to me with his admirable smile that I can’t get enough of. He moves my brown hair out of my face with his fingers, gazing into my eyes. I can’t believe I married this wonderful man.

“There’s my baby,” he says, pulling me into a gentle embrace. I smile, and take in his floral and earthly aroma, tingling my senses. I only see him every day, yet it never gets old. “How was your day?”

Another discomfort rises within me, only this time it’s a strong wave of nausea, which I believe is coming from the intense flashbacks I had earlier. Anxiety has been rough these past few months, and even though it’s been easier lately, it still comes around every now and then, taunting me like a sick bully. Trauma. Mindflayers. Piles of corpses in the Bhaal temple. I try to hold back the urge to vomit. It’s never hit me this hard before. Along with nausea comes pain radiating throughout my entire body similar to severe growing pains or muscle pains, but I don’t want Gale to worry about me, so I stay silent about it. It’s been a year since I’ve had to witness any of these traumatic events, yet I’m reliving them like a night terror. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment, trying to stay calm and collected. Is it normal for post traumatic stress to cause pain and nauseating feelings within the body?

“It’s been a day, but I’ve…” The lightheadedness is back again with a vengeance, and I think my feeling of illness is visibly showing on my face. “I did get some gardening done. A lot, actually. How was work?”

Gale studies my face for a moment, suspecting something is wrong with me. I’m not myself and he knows it. While I’m a cleric myself, I don’t have it in me to put my full potential in for any sort of healing spell. Maybe we should call for Shadowheart somehow.

“Oh, you are much more pale than usual, and that’s coming from someone who once witnessed you as a half-illithid. I’m worried about you. Are you feeling alright?” Tara observes me as well and I suspect that she knows what could be wrong with me. If she does, she won’t say it in front of Gale.

“I just feel a little ill, nothing to be concerned about.” He raises an eyebrow, concerned nonetheless, but that’s understandable. It’s not often I’m actually sick, but when I am, it usually hits with a vengeance.

“After all the predicaments with mindflayer colonies, I’m a little paranoid. Then again, you’ve overcome so much that the average person wouldn’t. I’m here for you always. Please tell me if you begin to feel worse.” I wrap my arms around him once more, and he holds me ever so closely into his warm chest. It’s strange; I felt completely fine up until a couple hours ago.

“I love you,” I murmured into his ear. The love between us overlaps the vile feeling within me, whatever it may be. Gale smiles at me, his eyes glistening from the reflection of the sun that beams through the glass windows. I can see myself within them, but also the powerful love he holds for me.

“I love you too, beautiful.” I look back outside at the ocean, admiring how beautifully it sways right outside our home. The songs of the sea put me right to sleep when I lie in bed with Gale, helping ease my anxious thoughts.

“I meant to ask this earlier, but how is your mom?” I ask as I head downstairs to grab some water. He chuckles as he follows me to the kitchen. It always delights him when we talk about his family, because he went so long without seeing them and he is most certainly a family man.

“Oddly enough, she clicked so well with your mother at our wedding that she’s going to grab tea today. She stopped by to see me at the Academy and told me. She also asked how you were doing and hopes to see you soon. I let her know she can come by anytime.”

Something about what he just said was so fulfilling; it’s so nice to have a husband that has a family that gets along so well with mine. I always worried about being the “daughter in law” that everyone hates. No, not Gale’s family; they’re the best.

“I honestly love them, I think they may become best friends.”

“I think they’re way ahead of you,” Gale says assuringly. I smile, chugging down my large glass of water, but it wasn’t enough so I refill my cup with more. “Were you just thirsty?”

“It’s possible I was dehydrated and that’s why I wasn’t feeling too well. Then again, you know me. One of my worst habits isn’t drinking enough water and I need to do better about that.”

The next couple hours involve us lying on the couch and talking about our companions that went off to partake in their own lives, wondering what they could all be up to. I think about Astarion and wonder if he’s still doing okay, considering the sun could burn him to a crisp if he’s out too long. Ah, our sweet, sassy vampire friend. He was one of those who accompanied us on our adventures, though he always wanted to cause trouble. Eventually, that crazy elf grew out of that…or so I want to believe. I hope we run into him again soon. I begin to worry if he’s even still alive or in Baldur’s Gate, or if he started a new life in another region.

“You know, maybe we should visit our old friends. We haven’t seen them in… six months?” Gale suggests. “I can’t keep up with time anymore. It seems ages ago.”

“Great idea. Last time we saw everyone was at the reunion. We got so close to everybody, and they always cross my mind,” I murmur, stroking Gale’s arm with my finger. “Karlach and Wyll in Avernus. Astarion in Baldur’s Gate. Who even knows where Shadowheart is, she’s all over the place. No matter. We will need to get in touch with them soon somehow.”

As my head is on his chest, I can hear the soothing sound of his heartbeat. However, the clock in the living area had other plans; it interrupted my peace by releasing the loud sound of a bell, letting us know it’s four o’ clock. It also startled the hell out of me.

“Well, my love, I will be back soon. I need to go to the library upstairs to study a book for a few moments. The students have a stressful exam tomorrow and I want to make sure I have it prepared correctly for them,” Gale says. “I’ll only be there for about an hour.”

“That’s totally fine, take your time. I’ll get started on dinner.” Gale places the softest of kisses on my forehead before heading back upstairs to the library, giving me yet another lovely sensation; one would call them ‘butterflies.’ Mine still don’t go away after all this time.

[thestarlightsapphic]

Sometimes I wonder if my younger self would be proud of who we grew up to be. When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be a princess. That’s what I would tell everyone that would care to listen. I would tell strangers in elevators that I was a princess because I really believed that was who I would grow up to be. I also wanted to be a strong princess, that could wield a sword and defeat villains in battle. I loved sword fighting with sticks with the neighborhood kids or with my sisters. I believed that no battle was too great or too dangerous to take on. I was quite the fearless child. Quite literally, I gave my parents several heart attacks honestly.

Sometimes I really wish that I could hug that little girl and tell her that she was so beautiful and deserved the world and to keep dreaming. Sometimes, I want to apologize to that little girl because her childhood was ripped away from her right at the very end of it by someone that had no right to take that from her. Sometimes I really miss her.

Fear can do some really crazy things to the brain. When you go from a life of fearlessness to a life of fear. When suddenly you don’t know who you can trust anymore, when letting people get close to you suddenly becomes the hardest thing in the world. You no longer want to be seen. You stop dreaming, you stop feeling. You can’t talk to anyone about what happened because what if they hurt you next? What if they don’t believe you? What if what happened to you wasn’t that bad? I can’t even begin to count the number of people that I unfortunately pushed away because of fear. Some of those people I’ve been able to reconnect with, and some I’ve not.

It’s taken so much time, so much work, and so much vulnerability that I really don’t like. Vulnerability that seems to come off so easy to do, but that feels like needles. Letting myself be seen, like actually seen, by people that I understand actually care about me? Being loved by people that respect the tough boundaries that I have up, but still help to break down the wall brick by brick that I’ve spent so long building up.

The best part of all that work though? I’ve allowed myself to start dreaming again. I’ve started pursuing the passions in life that I care about again. Maybe it’s a little more realistic now than a princess, but I’m still trying to achieve the little things I wanted. I can, in fact, wield a sword. It’s for the stage, but it still feels quite awesome. At the same time, I can fight my own battles. I can stand up for myself when I need to. I’m fearless, and I’ll be the first one to say yes to an adventure of all kinds. I did fall in love, and it’s so wonderful. I am a princess, in some ways. At least, on the stage.

I wish I could tell that little girl that she would see some really hard things in life, that there would be moments it felt like the magic she clung to so long was gone. I want to tell her though that everything will turn out okay though, and that she’s going to be so happy someday.

I don’t know if she’d be proud of me, but I know that I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished in the last couple of years. Being seen is still really hard sometimes, and sometimes I still run away, but I’ve still made so much more progress than I’ve ever felt possible. And I’m so excited to see what comes next in life.

Anyways, I’m super sick and feeling nostalgic and mushy gushy. So this is very mushy gushy. The regular chaotic content will return shortly lol.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

big rant incoming. about naruto/boruto and misogyny.

so like. i dont read/watch boruto or naruto. that right there probably discredits everything im about to say. feel free to keep scrolling. i just kinda casually look at whats going on sometimes bc ill see stuff on tik tok or whatever. so i may be completely incorrect here and maybe i don’t know what im talking about. but this is a feeling in my gut ive had for a long time.

the older i get, the more angry i get about female representation in shounen anime/manga. it is severely lacking. all my time ive spent as an anime fan, i have been DYING to see a girl that can even hold a candle to any other of her male counterparts in strength. im not saying its never been done, but i am saying i have HARDLY seen it.

even though i don’t really watch naruto, it is one of the most popular anime of ALL TIME, and its most famous aspect has to be the naruto v sasuke feud. the fact that they are both so strong and that by the time they are adults their power is unparalleled to literally anyone else in the verse is definitely a huge plot point of the show.

so when i heard that with the new naruto gen, sasuke has a DAUGHTER, and NO SONS, i was so excited.

that’s when i decided to follow the series more closely, because i was so excited to see a franchise this huge put a female supporting character with THIS much potential on display.

and while i do love sarada and think the stuff she’s accomplished is pretty impressive compared to the girls of naruto (i am a sakura supporter but u know what i mean), the overall treatment that she is getting compared to her male counterparts is pathetic.

maybe you want to argue that the uzumaki vs uchiha feud is already played out. they don’t need to do it in boruto because they’ve done it already. we dont need to see the plot shaped around boruto vs sarada because it’s already been done, but honestly, i don’t believe that at all. from what i’ve seen, boruto is practically a carbon copy of naruto in looks, personality, and ability (with the exception of some added brattiness), and the same can be said for a lot of the kids (cho cho, shikadai, probably more). so if the kids are already emulating their parents already to a t (not to mention they are copies of their FATHERS, not their mothers), i dont see why the same can’t be done with sasuke and sarada in terms of ability. im gonna move on from the kids copying their parents because again, as someone who is not an actual watcher, i could definitely be wrong about some stuff here.

so now, instead of developing sarada’s character, they have to introduce kawaki (a boy) to be boruto’s foil. kawaki is now meant to be the character to challenge boruto. kawaki is now meant to be the only person who can parallel boruto in strength. kawaki is the rival/best friend.

and where does that leave sarada? crying and pleading for sasuke to save boruto.

sarada doesn’t have to be sasuke. thats not what im saying. i actually don’t want that at all. i want her to be her own person with her own dreams. i want her to reach the incredible amount of potential she has as a ninja. due to her lineage, she has the ability to not only become the strongest kunoichi, but one of the strongest ninja in the verse. she’s an uchiha with monster strength like her mother, and i don’t see why she wouldn’t be able to unlock the 100 healings either. genetics aside, she is smart and deeply determined. sarada does not have to be her parents, but if all of the other kids are already doing it, then there is NO good reason for sarada not to be one of the strongest, if not THE strongest ninja of the new gen.

i’m sorry but it is just SO sad to see. i can’t even be happy for her unlocking her mangekyou sharingan because i DOUBT its power will ever come anywhere CLOSE to the level of any of the previous uchihas thanks to kishimoto’s blatant misogyny.

also, her outfit in the manga. i don’t really know how much kishimoto has to do with this but come on. be better. she is a NINJA.

sarada is such an interesting character and her potential is being wasted with each passing moment.

k thats it bye!!! <3

[cookie-de-baunilha]

Each day that goes by I become more certain that the only thing separating John Grey from Joey Potter from Dawson’s Creek is 200 years and the fact that at least in Joey’s case her thing with Dawson wasn’t one sided (which makes things harder for her imo).

And that Joey actually had the self-awareness to pull back from that emotional dependency when she realized she was losing herself when she started dating Dawson (though the emotional dependency/unhealthy dynamic is very much present throughout the whole show, it doesn’t just go away after she breaks up with him).

I mean, I was rewatching some DC scenes and oh my goddd I wish John had this level of self-awareness:

Dawson, you’ve been everything to me. I have been your sidekick, your confidant, your other half for so long, and that’s how our relationship works. And it’s a nice place for you, but for me, it’s scary. Because I realized that, aside from you, I don’t have anything. My entire life is attached to you, Dawson. I was working on these sketches, and somebody told me to draw what’s important to me, what inspires me, what I love. And this is the only thing I could think of. And that’s not ok with me, Dawson. I care about you so much, but if I ever lost you, I would be standing here totally void of anything else in my life. I mean, I live in total fear of doing nothing, of going nowhere, and that’s why I shut you out. Because if I can’t have something to hold on to, independently from you, then I don’t have anything at all.

And then, when she breaks up with him:

J: For so long, all I’ve thought about was you. I mean, all I dreamed about was you.

D: What happened?

J: I got my dream. And now I feel like I don’t have anything else. I mean, you have your future so perfectly planned, Dawson. You know exactly what you wanna do, what you wanna accomplish. And me… I don’t even know who I am, let alone what I want to be and accomplish. I guess I need to figure that out and I need to find my something.

D: So we’ll find it.

J: It can’t include you, Dawson. It has to be my doing and mine alone. You make me so happy, you know? But I have to make myself happy first.

Joey had the kind of character development I hoped for John. Granted, it was far from perfect because DC writing was a mess too, but still, she had some development.

The funny thing is that Joey Potter is a teenager and her character arc consists in the typical coming of age story with her finding out who she is, what she wants and what’s her place in the world as she grows into womanhood.

And John is a 50yo grown ass man that has been emotionally stagnated for the last 25 years of his life.

Seeing how positive Joey’s determination to not lose herself is just makes John’s situation — you know, calling Jamie his “true North”, thinking about how Jamie’s mere existence defines his own, thinking about how Jamie is at the center of his universe and how “he lost himself” after believing Jamie to be dead in Echo — a lot more indigestive.

It just puts into perspective how absolutely not normal his attachment to Jamie is. And believe me, Joey’s attachment to Dawson is pretty unhealthy too — but at least she has the courage of her convictions to know that she has to find her own north.

[icouldntfindquiet]

Fanfiction Year in Review - 2022

I found this and wanted to do it for fun. Feel free to use this template to reflect on your writing for the year. ☺️

1) List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

REM (completed in November)

Only one but in my defense, it was a long story!

2) Number of words written:

I aim for about 2,000 words per part so roughly 198,000 words total which includes REM and the bits I wrote for Black Magic and Dream.

3) Your most popular fic:

REM because that was the fic I was working on all year.

4) Your personal fav:

REM in terms of the storyline, complexity, and the fact that it was the longest story I’ve ever written, and I managed to finish it. 😁

5) Your fav scene:

When Florence kissed the frog. 💋🐸 That entire chapter was fun to write. I was worried people would find it strange but people seemed to like it.

6) A fic or scene that challenged you:

The scene where Van reads her suicide note and sits there until the sun goes down. I wanted to capture the emotions and heaviness of the subject.

7) A line of writing you’re proud of:

Oh gosh…there’s probably a lot that I can’t think of at the moment but for right now, probably the ending for REM which is two lines. It’s a simple line but I love it because we tend to tell people we’re okay but not actually mean it. And to mean it for once is a really nice feeling!

"Yeah...everything's okay," I replied. For the first time in a long time, I actually meant it.

Also this (also two lines):

8) A comment that touched you:

This wasn’t a comment on Wattpad but an ask I got sent and it totally made my day year. 🥰 It’s mainly women who read my stuff so to have a man read my story and love it was mind boggling! It definitely boosted my very small ego. 😂 They have the cutest relationship ever and got married. ❤️

9) Something that inspired your writing:

I get inspiration from everywhere! Interpol’s new album The Other Side of Make-Believe helped me channel sadness, darkness, and introspection into the story. I read this line in The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett and got inspiration for the frog scenes. 😆

And a fellow CATB fan told me about a dream she had and I incorporated it in the story. Even talking to you guys inspired the trajectory of REM (Florence going to Portugal with Van and the ending).

10) Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

My proudest accomplishment was finishing REM. I spent 10 months of my life writing it and I was really happy with how it turned out. I just love how everything comes together in the end. 🥰

11) Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

To finish Black Magic and to continue chipping away at Dream (sequel to REM). My hope is that I’m still writing and that I continue to get better as a writer.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! ❤️

[cflsblog]

How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back.I’ve spent so much time in my head and in my heart that I forgot to live in my body.No matter what happens, no matter how far you seem to be away from where you want to be, never stop believing that you will somehow make it. Have an unrelenting belief that things will work out, that the long road has a purpose, that the things that you desire may not happen today, but they will happen. Continue to persist and persevere.Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.I’ve spent my whole telling myself I was capable of great things and able to do anything I set my mind to.

The only problem is that I’ve always put off accomplishing what I wanted.

Something always came up, the time was never right and it seemed life got in the way every time.

Well, I’m not okay with that any more.

I’m lighting the fire under my passion and turning the page in that chapter-

Actually no, I’m starting a whole new book.

No more “maybe tomorrow” or “if only” and forget “when the time is right.”

I’ve made those excuses all my life and it’s never done me a bit of good.

So, I’m flipping the script and changing the chapters.

I’m done with doing things the way I’ve always done and expecting my life to be any different.

This is a new day, a new direction and a new choice..

To start being true to myself, listening to my heart and finally start doing instead of just wanting.

I can’t expect anything to change if I don’t change how I approach my life.

I’m taking the chances, I’m stepping out, speaking up and leaving my comfort zone behind.

Sure, it scares me to death but then, if it didn’t, then I would be doing it all wrong.

If I do what I’ve always done then I’ll get what I’ve always had.

No more.

I’m capable of more, I deserve more and now for the first time, I’m going after it.

I won’t look back with regret wishing I had done whatever it took to be happy, find purpose and change my life.

Sometimes, it’s the little things in little ways that edge me closer to where I want to be.

Put enough of those little steps together and they’ll add up to be one big step.

This is my time to start doing instead of wishing I had.

One small step, one day, one dream at a time,

I’ll get there..

And it all starts with me.

It always has.

|ravenwolf

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[cowboybukake]

I am fairly sad. In the past year I have lost 40 pounds, and other things. I do not recognize myself. I have been atrociously going through it these past months. I cant listen to any of my music without being sad, I’ve had to curate a hyper specific playlist. I cry a minimum of once per day. I am in permanent emotional pain where my heart feels like it’s being stabbed. I don’t like where I am in life and I can’t change it. I didn’t want my life to be like this. I had a life plan since I was a child and I can’t let go of it but I can’t accomplish it because it’s to late. I have to watch everybody else have it. I have permanently changed overnight and it was so drastic and soul crushing. Every day I put in the work, I drink calming tea, I journal, I try to ground myself, I cook good foods, I googled how to physically heal myself and found out it’s all in the vagus nerve and it helps to sing. So all day long I sit at my desk and do my taxes and I sing and I don’t feel better because everything reminds me of some devastating thing that has happened this past year. My heart is so tired and I remind myself constantly to not be a doormat to men yet I have dated multiple men who make fun of the way I look, the way I do laundry, the music I listen to, the way I keep my grocery’s in the fridge, the way I sing, the coffee I drink, the way I do my hair, the sunglasses I wear, the way I laugh, my hobby’s, the books I read, my insecurities, how I drive, how I WALK, my fears, and I sit there and I take it and I look at them with all the love I have to offer and they take all of that too. I feel like I’ve been kicked over and over again and no matter what they say or do I crawl back with arms wide open ready to accept them. And I’m in the phase in my life where I want a long term partner, I want stability, I want children, I want to build a life with a man that I love and loves me. But I look back at all of these experiences, and I hear stories, and I read my messages on tinder and hinge. And I’ve been cursed with baring my name and I have felt the full force of it since I was born, I’ve always had it no matter what. And I never thought that I would lose it, but the hope I had for everything is quickly diminishing, and I think that’s what’s changed in me. I have never given up hope, I have always had it and it’s been such a burden so many times, it’s felt so heavy my whole life, and it was good to have at some times but it hurt a lot more. And now I am on the verge of losing all the hope I have ever had and I feel like the only thing I can do is scream into the void.

Soul crushing. It’s the only way I can describe the heart break. Sure the heart break of losing a lover, but also the heart break of losing Pearse is so overwhelming it’s been a year and I can’t even mention it to my therapist, she doesn’t know because I can’t speak about it. The heart break of my childhood dreams not coming true. The heart break of being alone. The heart break of loving someone and believing that they are the one and to hear them say “you aren’t the one” and then having that replay over and over and over again everyday. The way that he told me everything was fake, that I wasn’t actually special to him, that I grew up to poor for him, that I mean nothing to him. And the heart break of him saying “you’re never going to find a guy who doesn’t lie to you”. And that replays every time I talk to someone new. I can’t trust anyone but I want to so badly. Everything in my head is now an alterier motive. “you’re so pretty” what do you want? You would only say that if you wanted something? Nothing seems genuine to me anymore, everything is a scheme and a plot. My walls are up so high I don’t know if they can ever come down. I don’t want to bare this burden of the wall but I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to be okay again, how to pick up these pieces that are lost forever. These pieces that I’ve left in someone who saw me for everything that I am and said “I don’t want you”. The experiences he pressured me into that I didn’t want to do because i knew it would make him happy. I have been a doormat to every man I have loved, and I am so hyper aware of it even in the relationship, but I can’t do anything about it except love even harder.

[crazyblondelife]

Mid Year Reset - How Will You End 2023?

The first part of 2023 has gone by too quickly! I don’t remember ever being busier or happier! My youngest two daughters have both moved three hours away (in the opposite direction, of course) and as you know, we’re getting ready to have our first granddaughter in September. I love having everyone closer, but that also adds to my life, because when they’re closer, they visit more and they want us to visit them as well. Our daughter, Sarah and her husband, just bought a house in Columbia, South Carolina and I can already tell you that she is going to want help with getting settled and of course, I can’t wait to go and help! We’ll also be in Richmond (a lot), getting to know the newest addition to our growing family and we’re so excited!

We have also just gotten preliminary drawings back for renovating our master bedroom/bathroom AND the kitchen! I’m over the moon about the plans but not over the moon about the prospect of my life being invaded by construction…but it will be so worth it!

I also personally have things to accomplish and dreams to continue to pursue and I’m beginning to wonder when I’ll be able to sleep.

Going into 2023, I have a strong, clear vision of what I’m creating in my life. I plan to make that my top priority.

I’ve talked about the importance of keeping your word to yourself often. When you make promises to yourself and don’t keep them, you loose confidence and basically let yourself down. We all are so good at making excuses about why we don’t have time to get to the gym, read the book, start making healthy meals, take the course, write the book, start the blog, etc., but when it comes down to it, those things are important and when we get to the end of the year, or the end of the decade, or the end of our lives and we haven’t accomplished them, it doesn’t feel very good.

Willpower is not the answer. It’s the power to control your mind that is the answer and you find that power by creating your life in stillness through imagination. Can you quiet your mind enough to actually imagine yourself doing something you want to do? For example, can you close your eyes and see yourself getting up, putting your clothes on and driving to the gym or going for a walk? What are you wearing, what do you see along the way? How do you feel when you’ve finished? If you can do this, you are much more likely to follow through because you’ve created the feeling of the experience before it ever happened. Stay with me here…

Making time to pursue the things that light you up is self care. A pedicure is nice, but it’s pleasure and not self care. Self care feeds your soul in a way that can be life changing…it can spark your creativity and take you down an amazing life path that only you can walk.

When I wrote my course, Journey of Becoming, I had a lot of pushback about the word “becoming”. People said to me that we are already everything we need to be, we are enough. I do believe we are all enough, but most of don’t know it…our enoughness hasn’t been uncovered by us. So many women feel unworthy, unseen, and are just trying to maintain their sanity every day, which is no way to live!

Staying stagnant isn’t even an option in life because everything changes, however, t our thoughts and our beliefs in ourselves can stay stagnant and we can feel stuck because we’re living in the past and letting those thoughts dominate our lives, or we’re having anxiety about what’s to come in the future. The best place to be is in the eternal now. It’s always now and that’s where creating your life.

Life isn’t about what you do, it’s about who you be. The answers to our burning questions, greatest longings and deepest desires are found in stillness. Take the time to be in stillness every day and quiet your mind enough to feel some sense of peace and then, dream a little…imagine your life as if it were already exactly as you desire it to be. Hold a vision of that life in such a vivid way that your mind doesn’t know the difference. When you open your eyes, you will have carved out the beginnings of manifesting the life you want to live. Give yourself this life changing gift every day for at least 15 minutes! You have 15 minutes…I promise!

I used to put certain people on a pedestal, thinking that these people lived perfect lives and had everything figured out, but I found out since starting this blog that it simply isn’t true. Everyone has “stuff”. Even the people that appear to have perfect lives.

It’s all about how you deal with your “stuff” that makes a difference.

For most of my life, I made everything that wasn’t going right someone else’s fault. I never accepted the fact that I had created it all until just a few years ago. It took a traumatic experience and the realization that it was up to me to change things and accept responsibility for my life before anything would ever change.

Almost 9 years later, I’ve changed my life completely. I meditate each and every day for longer periods of time, I read books that feed my soul and I take the time to take care of me. I also take the time to take care of my body by going to the gym, walking, eating well and yes, I do get a pedicure and love my Botox.

When I ponder the next 6 (5-1/2) months left in this year, I know the importance of my daily self care. It has given me so much confidence. I want to continue to show up here and share the ways that I’m growing and learning and inspire you to do the same. I truly 100% believe that we can intentionally create our lives to be anything we want them to be…ANYTHING! If you can dream it, you can achieve it.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Brianna Wiest, author of one of my favorite books called The Mountain is You.

“ A beautiful life is not stumbled upon, it is built, it is chosen. It is nurtured over the years. A beautiful life is made from the heart, not the head. It is not one that is easy, it is one that is worth it.”

As we go into the last half of the year, what enoughness will you uncover? What will you imagine and dream for yourself? If you decide to do it, you truly can be on a Journey of Becoming everything that you already are…and the sky isn’t even the limit!

I’m reading an amazing book that has taken me even deeper into my meditation journey. It’s called The Neville Collection and it’s a collection of books written by Neville Goddard in the 1950’s. Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled was based on Goddards methods for manifesting. This book is still so relevant for today and it’s been my obsession for the past month or so. This is a book that has made so many things clear to me and one I’ll keep forever and reread many times in the years to come. To say it has had a profound effect on me is probably an understatement. It’s not an easy read and I’m reading it slowly and taking the time to contemplate as I read.

I would so love to know your thoughts on this post! Please share in the comments if it feels right to you! Thank you so much for reading today!

For the fashionistas who are interested in this look…the top is from Ulla Johnson, the jeans are AG, the shoes are cork from Schutz and the bag is Cult Gaia. Exact pieces are linked below!

[psychauxnaut]

Back again. It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve come onto here and expressed myself through writing. I definitely am attracted to the idea of writing whatever comes to your mind - spilling your thoughts and emotions onto a page with over a year in between - to be able to compare and contrast your growth and mindset over the span of different times. In the last post I mentioned that I was excited to take a year of life and see what I was able to accomplish with it. I mentioned that I was devoting myself to always being better, always being positive, and always living life with the idea of love and improvement with those around me. I can very humbly and happily say that I believe those goals have been met. The last year has taken us (my girl and I) picked us up, chewed us, swallowed us, shit us out, and made us grow from the dirt into what now is a much more resilient and purpose driven couple. Before, we had our goals, and we had our intentions, but reality was that there wasn’t much direction and actual substance behind our planning. Anyone can make a perfect plan // one of my favorite quotes that I heard on a podcast once was that “most people let their entire lives pass them by while they’re making grand plans for it” //. That quote means a lot to me because I believe that in the first time in my (our) lives we are on a trajectory towards true growth and success. We have lost battles, fought tooth and nail, laughed, cried, screamed, been blessed, been torn apart, and have consistently built onto our frame a stronger and stronger armor that has no flaws anymore. I truly believe her and I can weather any storm as long as we have each other. And through this process, we have developed a love that cannot waiver. A bond that is impenetrable. And understanding of one another that takes countless hours of learning every slight nuance about the other person so that even when they are thinking…. We both know without having to speak. What we have created together is truly remarkable and I am so proud to be on the side of things that we are now. I mentioned last year that she had been carrying me and supporting me through the process of my dreams becoming a reality. That statement is absolute god in my opinion. She has been the catalyst that has allowed me to create the living standard that I am able put her on her own pedestal and let her spread her wings towards the dreams that she has always imagined. The last post was centered around many things, but reading over it was obvious that I was trying and eager to grow. I have now shifted that energy into pouring my effort into helping her grow. I will always be on the Savage/Servant path for my family and my loved ones, don’t ever doubt that. But I am extremely excited to now be in a supportive role and see what she is capable of accomplishing because really in my mind she’s going to become much greater of a human than I ever will be. She’s got something in her that I recognize as one of a kind, there’s something to this girl that forces you to believe in her ability because she is perfect with whatever she does. If she’s involved, it always turns out perfect. So I’ll leave off with this. The last year was probably the hardest fucking challenge either of us have ever gone through. Every road traveled was the hard one. Every lesson learned was from clawing back to baseline from rock bottom. But what it produced was a strong, confident, loyal, supportive and motivated couple ready to finally live out their wildest imaginations. Truly after reading the last post, and me being excited and ready for what was to come a year and a half ago, I can’t hardly imagine what will be happening by the time I post next (if that even is a year because I miss writing). Regardless, the leap to where we are now from where we were when I last wrote is hard to fathom. We are ready for the next step. I have never loved her deeper than I do today. I have never been happier with my life altogether. I have never had a person like this. I am grateful for everything that we are. I LOVE MY LIFE

[spiderling-space]

This idea is inspired by @zozobegone ‘s this post 

Setting: Grim goes platonic yandere mode when he realizes MC is going to go back to their world

It is written from Grimm's perspective

Italics indicate thoughts

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

The Great Grimm

Warning: Unhealthy dependency and friendship

"Henchperson, give me those candies!" Grimm ordered (Y/N) after trying so many times to reach the top shelf.

"Aw, you couldn't reach yourself?" (Y/N) had seen Grimm jumping and trying to climb to take the candies. They didn't do anything but watch him fail for the last 10 minutes, they couldn't help themselves as he was being so cute. "What's the magic word?"

After grumbling a little, Grimm spoke coercively, "Please..."

"That's a good boy!" They patted him on the head before grabbing the candies and giving them to him. 

He started devouring them the moment he got his hand on the candies. He thanked them quickly before focusing entirely on his food. They were just so delicious, he couldn't resist it!

"Honestly Grimm, what will you do once I'm gone?" They sighed as they took a seat in the kitchen.

The words didn't register for Grimm at first. "Eh?" He stopped eating for a moment and looked at them. "What nonsense are you babbling about?"

"Hmm? Oh! Well, you know, it's been months and lots of progress have been done. Crowley finding a way for me to return home is right around the corner." They spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"That birdman doesn't do anything but whine and pin all the tasks on us."

"I convinced him to do the actual work and he made a progress on finding a way for me to go home." (Y/N) stood up, walking toward him and kneeling to his height. "I'll give you a secret, I haven't told anyone this." They gulped before smiling, "Crowley found the way for me to go back. We just need ingredients and get some tests done then I'll be able to go back. I haven't told others about it yet because I wanted to have something concrete but since you are like my second family, I wanted you to know first."

Huh, he thought.

Grimm continued eating, ignoring what (Y/N) had said who got up and left the kitchen after sharing their secret. At that moment, it didn't bug him at all since he thought they were joking.

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

It didn't even pass a week that (Y/N) started to tell the others that they would be leaving soon and ask their help to get the ingredients and spend their last days together. Meanwhile, Grimm became more and more irritable as the days passed by.

Grimm didn't have a family nor a friend. When he opened his eyes to the world, he was in a back alley by just himself. He fended for himself and decided to become the greatest magician when he heard people talking about Night Raven Collage. He didn't have anyone who supported his dream nor he needed one. He would accomplish it on his own and show everyone how great he was. Of course, things didn't go as planned and he got thrown off the moment he revealed his true self at the entrance ceremony and was even threatened to get eaten. What's worse was that when he returned to NRC, showing the persistence of an NRC student, he was about to be thrown again. That would be the case if it weren't for (Y/N) sticking up for him. He wasn't a sentimental monster and he hated to be called cat by (Y/N) despite his catly activities as they called it. However, deep down he knew it was because of (Y/N) that he became a student in the NRC, getting one step closer to achieving his dream. Heck, he and (Y/N) were considered one student together.

It wasn't just (Y/N) creating him an opportunity that made him care about them, it was everything. They studied together; they slept on the same bed, shared meals and snacks, played games, did homework, complained about the school and students together. Not to mention, how much he enjoyed getting petted, belly rubbed and washed by them. They had each other when no one was around and always stood against overblot student together. In Grimm's eyes, they were an inseparable and astonishing duo; even a family he never had, not that he would say it out loud.

Maybe that was why he was miffed by everything that was going on... What would happen to me if (Y/N) were to go back? Become alone again? Get kicked out of NRC? Have no friends and family? No, that's not going to happen!

As the days passed, the attention he got from (Y/N) diminished gradually, came to a point that he only saw them in classes and when they got back. They were out with another person every day, not sparing enough time for the Great Grimm. 

How dare they, he thought while heatedly huffing and puffing on the couch.

Grimm dearly missed the old times when (Y/N) wasn't obsessed with going back. He didn't even receive enough petting last few days nor they studied together. His mind wandered to their time spent together when he noticed something. (Y/N) would leave everything behind regardless of how important it was when he got into serious trouble or got hurt. They would sweep in to save his neck. It just clicked at that moment. 

He would get into trouble or injured to get their attention on him. However, then the other minions would gather around them too and their attention would be divided. It was not something he wanted. An idea struck in his head after a few minutes of thinking. As expected out of the Great Grimm, it was a brilliant plan.

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

"Oh my goodness, Grimm! What happened to your paw-paw?!" (Y/N) rushed to his side, kneeling and examining his paw.

Grimm grumbled acting as if he didn't want to tell them. "Nothing, Great Grimm is fine!"

"Don't be ridiculous! It looks broken!" The worry on (Y/N)'s face was gratifying since he got their attention back.

"Ask your best friends," He answered with faux melancholy, withdrawing his paw near his chest and turning back as if he would leave.

"What does that supposed to mean?" They asked, confussion evident on their face just like Grimm wanted.

"Azul tricked them into doing his work and asked them to collect all the feathers on the roof. Ace and Deuce took me with them then we got into a fight and I fell off the roof." He lowered his head for extra effect.

"And they didn't even take you to the infirmary?!" He managed to get them riled up.

"It was my fault th-"

"That's not an excuse! For fuck's sake! C'mon, we are going to the infirmary." (Y/N) wrapped their arms around Grimm and lifted him en route to the hospital wing.

"Hey (Y/N)! Do you -"

"I can't believe what you two did!"

"What we did?" Deuce mumbled, fearing their wrath.

"Don't talk to me for some time and at least take responsibility and apologize!" (Y/N) stormed off before Ace could finish his sentence. Both Ace and Deuce look perplexed as (Y/N) marched away. Grimm was looking at them over (Y/N)'s shoulder, taking in their puzzled looks and flashing a grin as (Y/N) walked away.

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

For the next two weeks, Grimm continues with his plan.

"I swallowed a lot of soapy water." Grimm said as he was rubbing his belly, it genuinely hurt. Swallowing soapy water was more awful than hurting his paw.

"Azul! You promised to not do this and shame on you Jade, Floyd!"

3 more down, plenty to go...

"Leona, have you seen Grimm? He is way smaller than you! How couldn't you realize what your claws would do on Grimm?"

"Ruggie, Grimm got food poisoning because of you! You could have just stolen his food instead of replacing them with expired ones."

"Jack, I've never expected this from you. I'm very disappointed."

"What? What are you talking about?" Jack asked hastily but it fell on deaf ears as (Y/N) didn't even listen to him, grabbing Grimm and leaving them standing.

Woo hoo! My plan is working fantastically! 

"He could have died Kalim if it were higher!"

"Jamil, I thought you would stop making people poison taste. Grimm has been puking all day long because of you!"

Grimm grinned wickedly as he was once again carried by (Y/N).

Wait until I'm done with all of you! HAHA, You cannot defeat me!

Grimm was thinking of new original ways to distance (Y/N) from the rest of Heartslabyul, Pomefiore, Ignihyde and Diasomnia. The last one would be the hardest as he had a powerful competitor who also sought (Y/N)'s attention but it didn't matter, Grim would be the only one!

That was what he thought until Birdman came bearing the news...

"(Y/N)! Good news! All the tests we did on the mirror worked! You can go back now!"

Everything stopped right there and then. 

Grimm was so focused on getting (Y/N)'s affection and attention that he forgot about the tests they were doing on the mirror.

Now I am too late...

"My goodness! Thank you! I missed my home so much! I'll start saying my goodbyes!" (Y/N) spoke rapidly, they truly were happy to hear the news.

Happy to leave me all alone!

"No worries, they all gather around the magic mirror, waiting for you." Birdman informed, "Are you coming now?"

"Yes!" (Y/N) said before turning to him, taking him in arms and carrying him outside.

That is not how it was supposed to go...

As they were walking outside before leaving the Ramshackle perimeter, Grimm jumped on the ground.

"What's wrong?" (Y/N) stopped to ask.

"What's wrong?!" Grimm couldn't contain it anymore. everything was too much.

"(Y/N), do you need a moment to say goodbye to the dorm?" Birdman questioned, getting closer to where they were standing.

"Uhm... yes... I mean I spent months here so I should say goodbye to it. You can go, we will catch up in a moment."

With that Birdman walked away, leaving (Y/N) and Grimm alone.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?" They asked idiotically. 

Are they too dumb to understand?

As Grimm was about to tell them what was on his mind, unfiltered, he felt a power within himself. A power that wanted to surge out of him and he let it since he had nothing to lose anymore.

"You will leave me all alone!"

"But you already knew that, Grimm. This place isn't my home and if I took you with me, you would be discovered and people would do experiments on you." Their voice was so soft as they tried to reason with him but none of them mattered.

"We are one student together, you can't leave until I graduate!" The power inside of him grew even more.

"Well, Crowley said he-"

"We fought the monsters together. We are a team, you called me your son!" He could feel that power getting closer

"I-" He wasn't going to let them speak anymore!

"So you see me as a family but you abandon me!" He felt the power leak outside and he didn't even care about it.

"GRIMM!" (Y/N) yelled, taking a few steps back. "I, I, I changed my mind, we will be together!"

"You want me to have no one again!" Grim screamed, not even noticing how his voice changed. "AAAAAHHH!"

Everything went black for a moment and the second he reopened his eyes, everything was different. He was no longer looking up to (Y/N); he now was looking down on them. They were so tiny.

"YOU CANNOT LEAVE!" Grimm screeched when he saw (Y/N) backing and running away. He jumped, landing right in front of them who fell on the ground from the shock and still trying to crawl away.

"G-Gr-Gr-Grim, i-i-it's me! We are friends, remember? I know you wouldn't hurt me because we are family, innit?"

"It is too late for everything but you are right. We are family..." Grimm said, his voice echoing, giving it more menacing feelings. 

Grimm was no longer waiting for (Y/N) to understand that they couldn't leave him. He had no intention of waiting anymore. He leaned towards them slowly, biting their clothing and lifting them.

It was always (Y/N) who carried Grimm around relentlessly now it was Grimm's turn. Once he was sure that they wouldn't fall, he took off, running away from the Ramshackle, leaving NRC behind.

[jokertrap-ran]

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Osborn’s 5✩ Inspiration: Black VS Black [黑色对峙] Date Translation (END 6: Heart-throb)

“Do you really think that I think there’s no helping you?”

*Light and Night Master-list | Osborn’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *This 5✩ Inspiration has 6 Endings!! *Osborn’s tag will be #For Night, For Freedom *Requested by anon! You can check my on-going requests and more here!

✥ Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ★Night★

The cat caused an incident! What should I do?

⊹ Check the fallen model ⊹

I didn’t think too much about it, instead, hurrying over to where the car model had fallen. 

I picked it up and inspected the damages.

There was a long crack in the middle and several parts had broken off, scattering compartments all over the floor.

MC: Can this… still be saved…?

Just as I was thinking of how to break this bad news to Osborn, his low voice sounded from behind.

Osborn: What a big commotion.

Osborn: What? Did Mitt get into an accident?

I steeled myself and stopped covering the scene of the “car accident” that had occurred. I got up and handed him the car model that I held.

MC: The “culprit” knocked this car model down and fled.

Osborn frowned, reaching me in a couple of long strides.

He took the model and turned it around a couple of times, observing it with an indifferent look on his face.

MC: Is it too damaged to fix?

Osborn: I can just send it for repairs over the next few days. Let's go look for the cat first.

He calmly placed the broken car model back onto the shelf, taking a “let’s talk about this later” stance.

This model had been placed together with many other car models that looked new, pristine, and without a scratch. Not to mention, the glistening trophy that had been right next to it. A wild guess entered my mind.

MC: Do all the car models here hold some sort of commemorative meaning?

Osborn: Hm? Why do you ask?

MC: I mean, if they are some sort of special memento to you, then they should have been subjected to routine maintenance, right?

MC: If so, then you should also have the tools for it along with any part replacements, yes?

Thoughtfulness slipped into his eyes.

Osborn: You want to help me fix it?

MC: Yeah! That cat was just spooked real bad, and it wouldn’t do us any good if it got a bigger fright the next time and reacted even worse to it if we continued chasing after it.

MC: So, why don’t we leave the cat hunt for later and fix the car model back up first?

MC: Plus, I’m pretty dexterous with my hands. Wanna give me a chance to show you my prowess?

He raised an eyebrow, his pale green eyes glinting.

Osborn: Okay. Here's your time to shine.

Osborn stretched his arms over my head. For a while, all I could see was his broad chest. I felt my breath hitch.

Then, he suddenly lowered his head. His face was incredibly close to mine.

The scent of black cedar assaulted my nose. I blinked. My brain was lagging.

MC: Oh, okay.

Osborn: Take it.

My gaze slid to his hand. Turns out that he’d just been fetching the toolbox that had been in the cabinet above the display shelves.

Osborn: I'm waiting.

I took the toolbox from him and opened it.

I was greeted by a multitude of components in all shapes and sizes. Some of the tools in it were similar to the ones I used when making my designs, but there were also some that I’d never seen before.

I picked up a tool that looked like a cross between a pen and a knife, looking to Osborn for advice.

MC: What's this?

Osborn: An exacto knife. It’s used to cut off excess parts of the joints when required.

MC: Mmhm, okay. I've remembered it.

Osborn: This is a cutting plier, screw sanders, tweezers...

Osborn picked out a couple more tools from within the box and introduced them to me.

Osborn: Anything else you can't recognize?

MC: Not for now.

Osborn: Okay. Then let's remove the damaged compartments first.

MC: Okay.

First, we used a screwdriver to remove the damaged compartments. Then, we replaced them with brand-new spare parts.

This race car model was really different from those being sold out in the market. It was made with exquisite craftsmanship, and its internal makings were far more complicated than I'd initially thought.

When it was time to add colours to it, Osborn prepared the required paints and set them out in measured portions onto the palette with ease and finesse. He smoothly handed me a brush.

Osborn: Do you know how to touch up the paintwork?

I hesitated.

MC: I've painted outfit designs before for design needs, but I'm sure it's completely different from actually painting a model.

MC: I don't know if it works the same…

Osborn: See my demonstration first then.

He dipped his brush into the red paint, carefully painting it onto the model. It came out very uniform and smoothly layered.

I'd stared at him, watching him do it a couple more times. But, no matter how much I watched the same process, I couldn't quite grasp it. Even if I tried mimicking his actions, my paintwork always turned out patchy and uneven.

Osborn laughed, placing his hand over mine and directing the brush I held.

He directed my brush, guiding me on how I should be painting the compartment with a focused look on his face.

It was all serious and business, except… My focus was inevitably drawn towards his movements and breaths.

Osborn: Get it?

MC: Mmhm...

I tried my hardest to remember the way he did it and followed suit. The end result was much smoother than what I'd been accomplishing before.

After the finishing touches were in place, I raised the model and showed it to him.

MC: Like… this? This should be done now, right?

Osborn: Not bad. You've got standard.

My spirits soared at having received such direct praise from him.

MC: Since I'm such an apt learner, how about enlisting my help again the next time you make another model of a race car?

Osborn slightly raised a brow as he contemplated my paint-stained hands.

Osborn: I'll think about it.

MC: Does this even need to be considered?

MC: I'm pretty quick to pick up hands-on skills, not just fixing up models of racing cars! So I'm a fast learner no matter what it is!

MC: You can test me again if you don't believe me!

Just as I was boasting about my assets in an attempt to make myself appeal to him, Osborn's calloused fingers suddenly brushed against my cheek.

The rough texture of the pads of his fingers made my heart skip a beat.

MC: What's wrong?

Osborn: You got something on your face.

I doubtfully touched my face. Suddenly, I pulled my hand away to find my fingers stained with red paint.

Astonished, I look at Osborn's hands, only to find even more red paint on them…

MC: Don't tell me you drew something on it!!

Osborn: What gives?

MC: Hey! You're biting the hand that feeds!

Osborn: Whatever do you mean by that?

Osborn: I'm just adding some blush and colour to your face. Makes you prettier.

I was taken aback, nonetheless.

MC: Okay. Then, I'll add some colour to your cheeks for you!

Osborn: Whoa, hey! Easy!

MC: Nothing you say now is gonna stop me!

I swiftly picked up the brush and dipped it into the paint set out onto the palette, rushing straight for his face.

Osborn quickly reared back, but I subconsciously followed right after his retreat.

And this was how I toppled him down to the ground with him doing nothing to defend himself.

Osborn was astonished. He'd attempted to get back up, only for my other hand to immediately dart out to pin him down by the shoulder.

MC: No moving!

Surprise flashed through his eyes, as his usual impish smile crawled its way back up his face.

Osborn: Wow, what an aggressor.

MC: That's right. Now's my time to retaliate!

MC: No use trying to escape!

I circled the air with the brush, purposefully observing his face to make my mark.

MC: Hmm, what do you want me to draw on you?

Osborn seemingly accepted the fact that he was going to be an inevitable victim of mine since I already had him "pinned" down. He folded his arms behind his head, giving my question some serious thought.

Osborn: An air drawing?

MC: Dream on!

Osborn: Mercy, please. I beg you.

MC: It's too late to be begging me for mercy.

MC: Hmph. Just watch me improvise on the spot~

Just as I was rummaging through my brain for a glimmer of inspiration, a light bulb suddenly lit in my head. 

I had an image now: Mitt as it was fleeing.

❖☆———————————★❖

I leaned down, supporting myself on Osborn's shoulder. 

Following the curve of his jaw, I applied colour to his skin, drawing a colourful cat.

Osborn had his guard down, seemingly content to watch me work my "artistic talents" with him as the canvas.

The surroundings lapsed into silence.

I was drawing it on with such rapt concentration, yet I was still able to notice his long black lashes and hear his familiar steady breathing ever so clearly. I could somewhat feel the slight rise and fall of his chest.

I vaguely registered our close proximity to each other. My heart seemed unable to settle with the fact that we were so close to each other that our breaths intermingled, clamouring loudly within my chest.

I blinked twice, finishing off the last stroke before getting up and putting some distance between us.

❖☆———————————★❖

Osborn: Done?

I nodded.

Osborn: What do you think of your work of art?

Huh? Is he asking me to rate my own work?

I quickly gave him a once over, only to realize that I'd been distracted at the end, so it'd turned out a little funky. I nearly laughed at it right then and there.

MC: Ahem. I think it's not bad! You've got a big kitty on you now!

He waggled his brows, lazily raising his body halfway back up. His features were suddenly enlarged before my eyes once more as he leaned closer.

Osborn: Happy now?

MC: Mmhm… Pretty happy.

Osborn: Then let me tell you something that'll make you even happier.

He moved even closer, his words gently flowing with the air, wrapping themselves around my ears.

I shuddered as a scalding heat started creeping up my neck.

MC: ...What is it?

Osborn: The other kitty's right behind you.

Mitt: Meow~ Meow~

The last of his words were drowned out by the sudden meowing that sounded.

I snapped out of the trance of the moment, much to my embarrassment. Mitt had actually slinked behind me somehow without my knowing!

MC: Right, we should hurry and catch it before it gets up to no good again!

I quickly climbed off Osborn, flushing red as I fled.

A light chuckle sounded behind me in response.

❖☆———————————★❖

By the time we found Mitt, it was already sprawled out beside the TV cabinet with its paws stuck underneath, fiddling with something in the gap.

Recalling the layout of his living room, I quietly tip-toed and whispered my idea into Osborn’s ear.

MC: I’ll take left, you take right. We’ll pincer it.

Osborn: It’s already here, so there’s no need to go through so much trouble.

MC: Huh?

Osborn: Just wait and see.

Osborn took a couple of long strides forwards in the direction of the cat.

I followed after him, quietly approaching the black cat. However, my attention was suddenly caught by the photo frame that the cat had just been playing with.

Picking up the frame, I carefully observed it…

In the picture were Osborn and a couple of familiar-looking teammates. They’d all had an arm around each other’s shoulder, beaming as they held the same trophy.

Their faces all look much younger… Is this a photo from years ago?

The race car in the background had a red and white body with an orange rear spoiler, similar to the car model that Mitt had batted off its perch earlier.

MC: Don’t tell me… Was that car model made based on this race car?

I was lost in thought when a sudden meow broke my train of thought.

Osborn: Still wanna run?

❖☆———————————★❖

I raised my head to see Osborn with both arms raised, gently holding up the cat in question.

The bright and warm sunlight shone in through the window, carefully outlining his chiselled side-profile and the contours of his muscles.

Although Mitt had already been caught, it still glared daggers at Osborn. It was as if a cat and a human were engaged in a silent battle with each other.

After a while, Mitt seemed to register the fact that it’d lost, meowing pitifully in that soft cry once more.

❖☆———————————★❖

Osborn: Oh? You know how to beg for mercy now, don’t you?

Osborn carried Mitt to the little corner we’d set up for it. Mitt seemingly gave up on the game of chase, lowering its head to eat the cat food that we’d prepared for it since the very beginning.

Watching it eat its food so obediently, I couldn’t help but kneel down and stroke its round head.

Mitt cast a doubtful glance at me, but turned its head, indulging nuzzling itself into my palm.

MC: !

MC: I touched it! How cute…

Osborn: You’re that excited from just being able to touch it?

MC: Yeah. It looked so naughty that I thought I wouldn’t be able to touch it today.

Osborn: It’ll come running up to you for a lick or two so long as you have food.

MC: Then I MUST let it try the wet cat food! Maybe it’ll get closer to me!

I sped towards the sofa and picked up the packet of wet cat food, purposely waving it before its nose.

It couldn’t resist the offered temptation after all. Its soft fluffy paws batted at my wrist as it opened its mouth and cried its pleas.

MC: Okay, okay. Any more and you’ll end up a piggy.

I recalled something after putting away the remaining food. I picked up the photo frame that I’d set down earlier and handed it to Osborn.

MC: Oh, yeah. By the way, this was the photo frame that Mitt was batting with under the TV cabinet earlier. I don’t know where you normally display it.

He took the photo frame from me and glanced at it.

MC: And on that note, I realized that the car in the background looks very similar to the model we just pieced back together. Are they the same?

Osborn: Oh. The model was made according to this race car.

Suddenly, I recalled having seen the highlights of all his races before.

The year and month in which he’d won his first racing championship seemingly coincided with the time that this photo was taken.

My guess had tumbled out of my lips before I could stop it.

MC: Is this the car you drove when you won your first championship?

He quirked a brow.

Osborn: Why, you know me so well.

MC: Then… Is that car model something of a memento from that race?

Osborn: You can say that.

MC: I heard somewhere before that that car’s engine had to be changed out every two races. It shouldn’t be in use anymore, right?

Osborn: The engine exploded on me during that race, so it was only my companion once.

Osborn spoke lightly of it, but thinking of how exciting and terrifying it must have been back then, I couldn’t help but feel my heart sink a little.

MC: I’m glad the car model’s alright. Otherwise, it’d be such a pity for such a meaningful memento to get damaged like that.

Osborn: So I should thank you properly. Is that it?

MC: Huh? Thank me?

He chuckled lightly, his eyes sliding from the photo to my face. He had a slightly flippant look on his face.

Osborn: Weren’t you the one who made that car model more meaningful?

MC: ……

I was taken aback for a bit. I looked at him in surprise, only to find his gaze calm and gentle. There was a smile glimmering within his eyes.

Osborn: You were pretty clever when fixing the model. Why so stupefied now?

As his words sank in, I felt my heart flutter as I realized what he’d meant by having made it more “meaningful”. Something seemed to have filled my heart. It was a little flustering, yet also a little sweet.

I worried my lip and gathered my courage together before looking up to meet his eyes.

MC: Then, that makes me happier now…

MC: Although I didn’t get the chance to sit in on the race of your first championship and cheer you on…

MC: I was still able to piece the model back together and play a part in that precious moment of memory.

Inexplicable emotions surfaced in Osborn’s eyes, and in the next second, his big hand ruffled my hair with a vengeance.

Osborn: There’s really no helping you, is there?

I shyly ducked my head, but I couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from rising.

At this moment, the sun had enveloped us both within its warmth.

The cat quietly ate by our feet, letting out a purr of satisfaction every once in a while.

Slowly but surely, unspeakable feelings started to bloom and spread within the confines of my heart.

I hope, from the deepest points of my heart, that time would always be eternally frozen in this beautiful moment.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

✥ Choose your Ending:

END 1 | Choice: Do Nothing [都不做]

END 2 +3 + 4 | Choice: Call Out [呼唤] ⊹Speak⊹

END 5 | Choice: Listen [倾听] ❖ASMR

END 6 | Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ★Night★

❖☆————— ⊹ For Night, For Freedom⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: (Prologue)

[professorspork]

superhell fic prompt: JAUNE RUNS INTO PYRRHA

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5]

It doesn’t occur to that she’s allowed to talk to them until Torchwick reveals himself to Neo. And even then, well-- Roman Torchwick isn’t exactly a shining paragon when it comes to setting a good example of what’s allowed.

But the idea refuses to stop hounding her footsteps, once it’s come. Once she’s seen it’s possible, without consequences. Still, she waits, and keeps her distance. There’s no sunset, here on the island, no night, but there are shady places beneath the towering roots of the Tree; eventually, they all bed down, and Jaune-- as she’d known he would-- volunteers to take first watch. It’s a heartening display: Yang and Blake twined together like ivy on a wrought iron gate, but each clinging to the hands of their teammates, chained together by grasping fingers. Otters in a stream, unwilling to be separated.

She doesn’t know why she’s surprised to hear her own voice when she approaches.

...I know this can be frustrating, and it can feel like so much effort to progress such a small amount, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. I've never met someone so determined to better themselves...

“You’ll drain your battery,” she cautions, reaching out with her mind to press the off button on his scroll. His head whips up, expression aghast, and she smiles at him softly. “I’d have thought you’d have it memorized by now anyhow; you haven’t seemed to need it in some time.”

She expects disbelief, perhaps, or shock. Joy would have been nice, but she’d have understood anger. So she’s surprised and---bizarrely proud, actually-- when instead his eyes narrow in suspicion and the first thing he says is, “Your Semblance works.”

“Well, yes.”

“Why does your Semblance work?”

“Because I’m where I’m supposed to be. A soul knows when it’s in the right place. Or the wrong one, as the case may be.”

“Or I’m dreaming.”

“Or you’re dreaming,” she agrees, keeping her voice mild, but feeling it like a punch to the stomach when his shoulders relax at the idea. Does he... not want her here? Goodness, but she’s out of practice. She’d forgotten it was like this; how talking to him had been both the easiest and the hardest thing in the world. “Would you-- prefer that? If I weren’t really here?”

“The real Pyrrha would know better than to ask me that.”

Despite herself, she laughs. “Oh, I wish that were true. I asked myself that every day. Every class, every glance, every study session on the roof. I’m afraid I was never as confident as I should have been.” It’s an embarrassing admission, but an effective one; the walled-up caution behind his eyes dissipates... only for tears to well up in its stead.

“Are you-- can I touch you?”

“I hope so.” (She’d left Torchwick and Neo behind before they’d gotten that far, for obvious reasons.)

“I--” He scrambles to his feet and crosses the distance between them, enveloping her in a crushing hug. It doesn’t feel like she remembers, but then, that’s no surprise-- he’s taller than he used to be, and her body isn’t exactly a body, per se. She’s grateful, even so. Happy just to have the chance to hold him up. She keeps quiet at first, letting him get it all out as he sobs incoherent apologies into her shoulder--

(IloveyouImissyouIloveyouImissyouI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry)

--and contents herself with playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck. Eventually, he calms.

“I like the haircut,” she says, when he pulls away. “It’s handsome. You look so grown up.”

“You look so young,” he croaks in response, and-- she supposes she must, to his eyes. It’s strange to think that she’s the same age as Ruby now; that they’ve kept going on without her, and they’ll continue to do so, once she’s led them out. “Are you--? Have you--?” He wipes at his eyes, laughing at himself a little. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know where to start. I just-- I can't believe you're here with me.”

“I'm always with you,” she assures him, unable to suppress the urge to thumb away a tear he’s missed. She keeps her hand there, at his cheek, as she she speaks: “Even when you can’t sense me, I... oh, Jaune. I’m so proud of you. You’ve come so far.”

He sighs and steps out of the circle of her arms, hanging his head to stare at Crocea Mors where it rests in its sheath. You’d never know it to be broken, just by looking. The scabbard hides the damage-- giving him the appearance of being armed and ready though all he carries is a shattered hilt. “Yeah, maybe. I-- I thought I had, but...” He swallows, face filled with shame.

She starts to reach for him again, unwilling to waste even a moment of their time not touching him, but forces herself to relax and drop her hands to her sides. It has to be his choice, doesn’t it? “Tell me. You can tell me anything; you know that.”

His voice falters terribly when he finally speaks: 

“I mean, I feel like you already know. For the longest time, I wanted to be this... I dunno. This warrior, or whatever. And it never fit, no matter what I did, or how hard I worked, and I just-- I resented it so much. Being...” He shakes his head. “I just felt useless. But when I unlocked my Semblance, I had to let that go. And it was hard at first, it took time, but for a second there it finally started to feel like... like I knew my place. Where I belonged; what everyone needed from me. I was good at it. But then Penny needed--” He chokes on a sob, and has to stop and take several deep breaths before he can continue. “Nothing’s changed. I’m still useless. The idiot stuck on the wrong side of the glass, out of his league and forced to watch because someone else has to be the Maiden now and there’s nothing he can do about it. Only this time it’s worse, because this time I actually-- I--”

Unable to hold herself back anymore, she reaches for his hands; he squeezes her fingers tight, like a lifeline. “I understand,” she soothes, voice heavy like a vow. “Did you think I wouldn’t? I don’t think I have to remind you that I’m the only other person who knows what that feels like. To have been the one who killed her.”

He lets out an awful, cynical noise; a parody of a laugh. “Depends on who you ask,” he says in explanation, looking askance towards Ruby. Pyrrha sadly follows his gaze. Ruby’s shifted in her sleep, curled under her cape to be as small as possible with her head nestled in the crooks of Yang’s bent knees. Her arms are wrapped around Yang’s shins in a death grip, as though she fears her sister might fly away at any moment. Pyrrha’s heart aches for her; for the responsibility she carries. Weight Pyrrha could have helped shoulder... if only she’d been a little faster, a little more clever.

She shakes off the feeling; now’s not the time for regret. “But things have changed,” she says, bringing Jaune’s hands up to her mouth and kissing the knuckles. It will be a long time, she knows, before he believes there isn’t blood on them; maybe this small act can help. And if it doesn’t... she has other options. Maybe even a little levity, for once. “You’re not useless. You’re amazing. You’re a licensed Huntsman now; you’re accomplishing things you’d only dreamed of. All the mothers of Mantle adore you. You even got to go on a date with Weiss!”

He boggles at her, wrenching his hands away. “What?! That wasn’t a date, we were just hanging out with Oscar, we--” His jaw falls open, suddenly, and his eyes narrow once more. “Wait a minute. Are you teasing me?”

She grins, sheepish and caught. “I figured it was now or never to give it a go; I didn’t want to waste my last chance to try it. Nora always said it would be good for me.”

“To make fun of me?” he squawks, indignant.

She laughs. “To remind myself it’s okay to be a novice sometimes; that there are things I won’t instantly be good at.” She bites her lip, unable to stop her grin. “...And also to make fun of you, yes.”

He surges forward, then-- wrapping a hand around the back of her neck and pulling her closer, pressing a fierce, grateful kiss to her forehead. Then he does it again; then once more, at the bridge of her nose. And then a final time, against her lips. Quick; intense. Filled with meaning.

She’s got not breath in her, and still she’s breathless.

“I miss you so much,” he says, squeezing his eyes shut and resting his forehead against hers. His fingers thread themselves into the hair at the back of her skull, tangled into the base of her ponytail. “So much. I think about you all the time. Every day. Wondering how different things would be, if only...”

“I know,” she says, because she does. There’s more that she should say, probably-- that it’s good that he’s started to move on; that none of them can hold onto her forever. But she can’t quite bring herself to voice the words.

“It’s not fair,” he mutters, then sighs at the sound of it. “I mean, none of it is fair, but-- I feel like a jerk, I guess. That I’m the one who gets to see you, of all of us.”

“You’ll tell them I love them, won’t you? Ren and Nora. They...” They’re doing things she never did, is the thing. Maturing in ways she’ll never have the chance to. Learning that responsibility doesn’t mean putting it all on your own shoulders; that love doesn’t mean giving all of yourself away. It’s overwhelming, how proud she is of them for that. “They were on the right path, in Atlas. Don’t let them convince themselves otherwise.”

He nods, the movement of it levering her own head in shared agreement. “Anything else? Anyone else you’d like me to...?”

So many; too many. But one rises above the rest. “Tell my mother to stop leaving flowers,” she murmurs, wishing she had more to offer than that. “Tell her they belong in the garden; that I like to watch them grow. That’s-- the way it should be.”

“Okay,” he says, and relief rushes through her. “Okay. I will.”

Slowly, they both become aware once more of the gaggle of Huntresses sleeping just a few yards off. Pyrrha could leave dozens of messages with Jaune, if she wanted, but the people she most needs to speak to are right here, within arm’s reach. They need her guidance; it’s selfish not to provide it. She’s taken so long already. And yet...

Jaune beats her to voicing the thought: “I know we should probably wake them, but-- can it be just the two of us, for just a little longer? Please?”

She smiles, and brings a hand up to caress his cheek. “I thought you’d never ask.”