psychauxnaut

[psychauxnaut]

“BURN THE SHIPS”

Madness has become one of my greatest assets.

Everything I have ever done has been with my own self belief, most of the times belief that was too high for other people to come to grips with. People will discourage you from your dreams at every chance they get. They want you to take the safe road, and have an easy and modest living. Nobody ever tells you to go mad and believe in yourself wholly without any mention of retreat.

That is their own projection of the life that they didn’t go out and get for themselves. They all went to school, listened like good little children, and got regular jobs. They live melancholy existences, and for that reason, they feel the urge to make you do the same thing; as a subconscious coping mechanism for them to be able to sleep at night with their own dissatisfying life.

I will not accept this life.

Inside of me, there is a madness that I am letting take the reins more and more. I know I have always had it inside of me, and have held it at bay often, using it when necessary.

I don’t want to live the life that I desire, I need to.

I know that there is a day on the horizon where I will cut the fucking rope and finally be free. The rope tying me to the system, to my everyday job, to asking for vacation, to having to feel guilty when I’m sick and not at work, to living by someone else’s schedule, to making how much money someone else tells me I can, to being tethered to something that most aren’t willing to attempt to escape.

We are all prisoners of the system until we escape. Those who dare to carve and chisel out a life that they see fit for themselves, in addition to working and paying bills, all at the same time, can finally cut the rope.

I labeled this post “Burn the Ships” because of what that saying represents.

You get off of your ships for battle, or for an exploration, with such confidence, and unwillingness to go back to where you just came, that you burn your fucking ships - and your only way of getting back - because you will not accept anything other than victory. Now you have no options, but to win.

I will get to where I need to be, I will burn the ships, and I will not back down. Madness is flowing through my veins, and I am using its power as love for myself, and for my family. I will not waste my 100 years on this planet living it how I am “told to”. I will live it how I choose to.

I AM MAD, I AM FREE

[psychauxnaut]

I have so much of you in my heart.

John Keats

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And yet I fight

And yet I fight, this battle all alone

No one to cry to

No one to call home

And yet I find

And yet I find, repeating in my head

- “Nutshell”

Alice In Chains

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“I am hopeful that there are peaceful and beautiful possibilities for us all. I am hopeful that in our darkest and most trying of days this love will serve as a safe haven to guide us all out of the inferno of fear, driving men to these black and brutal lonely corners of hell. I am hopeful that the great spirit of love will save us all”.

Captain Dellinger ~ American Primeval

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Constantly stuck between leaving the person I used to be behind

&

Not yet becoming the person I want to be -

I only know the path that I am on, and it is one of hope and perseverance.

Half the time I don’t know what I am doing, and I try my best to learn from the experiences and always glean some sense of knowledge from them.

Confusing as life may be, we must press forward.

The older I get, the more I realize that happy is not a destination.

Happy is what you can make of things, right now, based on your view of the circumstances.

It’s a freeing thought, and a depressing one.

You will never get there, but you are also there right now, if you choose to be.

The choosing, is what ends up being difficult.

I am training myself daily, to make the good choices.

[psychauxnaut]

These lands get inside of us. In our bones, in our blood; and then even deeper.. as they assume occupancy of our souls. These lands come alive inside all of us. Alive with power. Alive with clarity of spirit, and many other great excitements that have thus far eluded our language. Faced with such forces, I find myself helpless, to feel anything other than a great humility.

[psychauxnaut]

Day after day, in a cycle knowing no limit or end - man is faced with an obstacle seemingly unconquerable.

This obstacle, is an illusion. What could possibly be unconquerable?

Fear, doubt, weakness, rage, jealousy, lust, pain.

Maybe even killing a lion with your bare hands.

All of which are machinations that are born and live in your mind and in your psyche alone.

Forces not seen, but are forever pulling you in directions misunderstood.

The obstacle therefore is only unable to be bested if you give in to the illusions presented in you.

Everything seems impossible until it isn’t.

Make the impossible quiver at your feet, for you are able to accomplish anything — so long as your mind has been unlocked.

It feels as though with great practice one would be able to control the innate pressures within.

To have the lion, begging for mercy, to YOU.

You have the choice every day, to give in to the battles within, or to resist and conquer.

“He Conquers Who Conquers Himself”

[psychauxnaut]

Mountain West Love Story

[psychauxnaut]

Another and just as equal source of nostalgia for me predating my time here on earth, is undoubtably the years of the 1870’s through until about the mid 1920’s in the years that Americans could’ve settled on their ranches after the expansion West. This would’ve felt like a time of bounding freedom, where you could truly live anywhere and create anything for your family. At that time in the West you could move your family to unsettled lands, choose your ranch, and build what you and your family needed.

Painting 1-2 -

Breaking horses at the corral, built in a place of your choosing and by your own hard work. Friendly neighbors catching up on opposite sides of ranch lines, sharing information and stories, and mutually protecting each others land, as well as way of life.

Paintings 3-6 -

Moving your cattle to graze different grasses on your ranch lands, over distances so vast that you’d have to camp overnight on your own property to finish the trip. Having land this large, feeling the freedom of having to travel many overnight trips to make it across your ranch, riding horseback, and camping with your son along the way; teaching him the way of men under the sun and the stars on the back of a horse. Gives me a nostalgic trip like no other.

Painting 7 -

After the couple week grazing trip, back from the spike camp, at the main barn. At this point your herd is healthy, the grass fresh, and new adventures await. Maybe a trip to town with your family, maybe a week full of feasts back home with your wife and kids, or maybe planning for a hunting trip to replenish your family. All being done on your own property.

This period in American History might even rival my admiration for the Frontier and the Mountain Men that came with it. I reckon that if I was a single man in a different time period, I’d want to be on the Frontier. If I was a man with a family in the past, I would’ve wanted my time to be in the settlement period just afterwards, like these paintings. Something modeling the series 1883, where the embodiment of American freedom was showcased.

Living life on the High Lonesome - The American West

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[psychauxnaut]

Felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders

But should I break, or retreat, and then return

Facing the fear that the truth, I discover

No telling how, all these will work out

But I've come to far to go back now

I am looking for freedom

looking for freedom

And to find it cost me everything I have

“Freedom”

- Anthony Hamilton, Django Unchained

[psychauxnaut]

“BRING ME MEN TO MATCH MY MOUNTAINS”

When I first saw this quote I was not a man, and I knew I wasn’t. I remember looking, and reading it over and over again. I’m reluctant to admit that It almost made me nervous. I’ve always felt a connection with the mountains, and in this moment I felt shamefully unlike them.

In the years following, I overcame many difficult hurdles in life. I started becoming the man, to match the mountains that life had placed in front of me. I can either move the mountains, or I can climb them. Either way, it will be hard regardless. Harder than believed possible.

Each year that passes, the man becomes stronger, and the mountain more formidable. This year will be no different.

I am not the kid that saw this quote anymore, I am a man that applies my strength to conquer the mountains in my path.

This year is looking to be one of the hardest ones yet, and I need an unbreakable will.

Good.

[psychauxnaut]

Anger. Sadness. Loneliness. Belief. Focus. Action. Tenacity. Accomplishment. 2025.

“Live Hard Live Your Dream”

[psychauxnaut]

[psychauxnaut]

Let the emotions flow into you. Realize that these emotions are happening to you, they are not what you are. Let the emotion bring out the feelings that it does. Analyze the reasons why the emotions bring out these feelings, and what your inner truth is. Become comfortable with the reality of what is, and weigh the difference between your own truth and the emotions arising. It is not easy, but once this happens, you can carry the emotion with you, without the emotion carrying you with it.

Something only has power when you assign it the very strength that it uses against you. So if the emotion doesn’t deserve power based on your truth, why give it any?

It is hard to emotionally rise above in this way when others do not do this sort of reflection for themselves as well. There is a guilt that wants to whisper in your ear over time. That is you wishing the other person was able to free themselves of this burden, the way that you are learning to.

“You either control your mind or it controls you”

[psychauxnaut]

running away to the wildflowers 🌿🌼

[psychauxnaut]