#I can’t believe im sharing this. :|
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I said this in tags on another post, but it’s relevant and deserves its own post (I should be reading my usual pre- sleeping fic selection, BUT! I had this revelation -being sleepy is useful once again! -)
They NEEDED Steve to disappear, to be gone. To never care about Bucky anymore. That way they could treat Bucky as they see fit, and that means treating him like shit.
Steve would NEVER accept or allow Bucky to make amends, he would NEVER let the government take care of Bucky or be part of his “rehabilitation” in any way shape or form. That’s why he became Nomad, that’s why Bucky stayed in Wakanda. He would had fight with teeth and nails for Bucky.
“He died already more than once! He was a victim! A prisoner of war. He saved the fucking universe. What the fuck do you mean with amends!”
He became a wanted criminal for that same reason, to not let them have Bucky (nor other people in a fucking watchlist)
They needed Steves relationship with Bucky to become bitter, to be nothing more than a memory.
Steve being in retirement wouldn’t have cut it and…
Bucky was always going to follow Steve, no matter what.
So they needed him to stay alone (or with a companion that didn’t really care as much as Steve, enter Sam)
This way they killed two birds with one stone in Endgame: Reinforcing Steves “love” for Peggy, because “he’s NOT gay, you guys!”, and the partial isolation of Bucky.
#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky#i had this revelation bc Im sleepy af#also I love Sam but cmon! he didn’t believe much in Bucky and then was friendly with him bc of Steve#they didn’t have a good relationship really#more like friend enemies? sorta#idk I already said that I don’t care much about marvel nowadays#and I mean that#but I had this thought and was huh that actually makes so much sense#partial isolation of Bucky bc he doesn’t have anyone that really knows him as Steve knew him#sure he can have friends o be friendly with others#But its the same problem Steve had with meaningful relationships and shared experience#also Steve loved him and believed in him unconditionally#who else is going to do that for him now?#Thats why they NEEDED STEVE GONE#and being on retirement wouldn’t have cut it#this only makes my hc of Old!Steve being a skrull stronger#also Steve replacing Bucky with Peggy on his mind and when he speaks bc of internalized homophobia#everything makes sense!#im actually like the dude from that meme where hes with a board filled with stuff and like see im right!#i need someone to talk about this omfg my friends can’t care less about ny favorite things dude why#also this really makes sense to me and will become my favorite headcanon because canon is shit and doesn’t make sense#i need things to make sense and to be logical ok? at least in character#and endgame Steve wasn’t Steve Rogers#old!steve wasn’t even Steve wtf
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NO BECUASE I JUST REALIZED THAT MY NINE YEAR OLD CAT STILL SMELLS LIKE WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE BABY KITTEN IM GONNA CRY
#WE USED TO SELL KITTENS AND I WAS ALLOWED TL KEEP HER SO I KNOW HOW LITERAL BABY KITTENS THAT ARE THE SIZE OF YOUR PALM SMELL LIKE AND SHE#STULL SMELLS LIKE IT IM ACTUALLY CRYING IDK WHY#SHES MY BABY#bingle bongle#txt#I have big feelings#screaming into the void#cats#kitten#I just love my baby so much I can’t believe it’s been almost 10 years😭 she shares the same birth month as me as well she’s my BABY
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*pays for mona merch with the one and only chozetsu kawaii credit card*
#o n the other hand though it’d be a great way to control your spending#pov: you have to pay for your family’s fancy steak dinner with your mona credit card#i fear that i’ll lose face forever if it ever came to that lol (<-the type who hates sharing interests with family members)#but. man. wasn’t the last hw credit card released forever ago around the time of one of the gen 1 anime/movies?#cant rem if it was the nacchan movie or the harucouple anime though…#anyways!!!!! mona album soon™️ can’t wait~~~~~~~~#speaking of the mona album though. uh. does anyone here actually believe that you need the card from the first album to get the photobook?#bc as far as i can tell the photobook comes with every single limited edition album b u t i keep seeing people say that you need the card…#and. like. y’know. logically speaking who even has the time to selectively package photobooks only with the albums of those with the cards?#but the more people i see circulating this belief the more i begin to doubt if im even reading the album announcement correctly and. lol#ig we’ll have to wait for the crossfade to find out…#from past trends i think the crossfade will come out on august 14? since crossfades usually drop 2 weeks before the official release#11 more days till we get a c-kun hint ig lmaooooooooo#i wonder who’ll be the illustrator for zakenna’s mv though… maybe it’ll be another 1-3 image mv?#still manifesting mona’s outfit from the cover of idol sengen vol 5 to be her zakenna mv outfit (delusional)#bc i think it’s kind of a waste to have such a pretty outfit be used only once without even appearing in an mv…#though. well. it doesn’t hurt to be a little delusional about it… right…?#it’s almost as delusional as hoping that sora.maru of niconii fame gets to voice asuna frusu. but. like. a cretin can ✨dream✨#ok that’s enough delusions for one afternoon now back to the pkm bw grind
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GUYS WE WON!!!!!!!!
me thinks this is the fastest renewal announcement netflix has ever made lol, im so damn happy rn!
#juuuuust saw the news so had to share it with you all#i was very close to believing they will cancel this#can’t wait to see more of my man peter! and rose!#have they announced lockwood & co renewal? 😭😭😭#the night agent#the night agent netflix#and yes the gifs are coming im sorry guys lol… hope a lot of people watched it by the time i post them hehe
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i’m getting so many positive comments on my dhmis human designs especially on red guy… u make me very happy ty all sm<3333333
#IM GLAD U ALL LIKE HIS SOCKS LOL#i can’t believe i thought of not giving him those ones. but it matches the bainbow on his shirt so yeth#HOWEVER#due to my canvas size i couldn’t make red guy as tall as i wanted so he shares similar height with yellow.#speaking of yellow.#i really hope you like his design cause i wasn’t sure how people would think of it.#so far it’s positive which is cool!!!!#and i don’t mind constructive criticism ofc.#as long as it isn’t very hurtful.#dhmis#dhmis humanized#dont hug me im scared#☎️
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not being to draw what i want to draw makes me angry in a way nothing else does
#i am staring at a blank page bc i can’t use my hands to make what i see in my head#i just wanna make something pretty#i haven’t drawn in like a month and i feel like i’m losing my mind#did a drawing earlier of eddie but it doesn’t lOOK LIKE HIM#also very frustrated w how ppl only seem to support and share digital art#and i can barely do digital art#it’s a struggle#and im so jealous of ppls art styles bc i can’t develop my own art style for the fucking life of me#i am so tired#can you believe im getting a degree in this#good god
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Love having low self esteem bc when I get treated like shit for no good reason and people talk about me behind my back and say awful things about my character that I KNOW are unfounded and I KNOW I did nothing wrong I still am like “damn…. Maybe I’m a bad person”
#IM NOT#IM REALLY NOT#IM NOT PERFECT AND I MAKE MISTAKES AND THERE ARE THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY#but I genuinely did not do anything to these people#and not only do they still make me feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing to them#they then gossip and bad mouth me with someone who I thought was my best friend#the girl who was supposed to be my maid of honor#that I shared my past with and my future#the person I’ve cried with and laughed with#who I’ve held while she had breakdowns and was supposedly supportive in mine#I can’t believe our several several years together are now at end over people you’ve only known for a few months#i’m destroyed#devastated
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i’m alive n i’m 20 n i beat teen pregnancy <33 (my bday was last friday and i had an existential crisis the night before at 11:30 pm about being in my 20s and accidentally got way too high to feel less weird about it) (and then i almost blacked out the night of)
enjoy this pic of my bday cake, made by urs truly
also i wanna get back to writing on here bc i haven’t rly written anything that’s not a philosophy paper in a hot minute !! lowk i have less time/attention span now but if u have any requests (esp for hcs!!) send em my way:)
#it says “we” bc i share a bday w one of my uni friends !!#it was on friday n we partied and i think i went a lil too hard bc i was dead all weekend#or maybe being in my 20s just means i actually get hangovers now#feeling: old#anyway holy shit i can’t believe i’ve had this blog since i was like 17 and now i’m officially a 20something#also i got offered bday sex and didn’t take the offer bc my apartment is a disaster 💀#im literally the damn bitch u live like this meme
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#i! feel! so! disconnected! from everything and everyone#and it’s so god damn annoying#I either feel nothing at all or everything at once and I can’t balance it#but if I take the time to sit with the things I’m scared of I’ll just keel over I don’t have time for it#Im just on autopilot moving ahead#because I have to! if I don’t my fear will win from me and that will Not be pretty#and that’s what I’m so upset about like I didn’t get something I really wanted#and it’s fully because of anxiety but the alternative is WORSE#and the people involved don’t KNOW I have anxiety but I can’t tell them either because it will make them look at me differently and I can’t#afford them to. I can’t let that happen and I think this is the first time I’m realising how much it holds me back even after uni#and I’m so angry over it dndndnd so so so angry and if they KNEW how much I had gone through no one would ever doubt my ability to —#bounce back and take charge of a situation ever again. they’d know I can do that. But it’s too private to share so now it’s up to me to#BELIEVE it and just show them but it takes so much out of me every time#and if it weren’t for the pandemic I would’ve been much further along and if it weren’t for my fucking burnout I’d have been further along#and it weren’t for my Fucking dad I’d be further along. I’m just so mad#so mad that I have to undo and tackle so much when people just sail through things but for me EVERYTHING takes effort#also I have not seen or spoken to my dad since December and I have a wedding he’s attending and I can’t get out of it#and I constantly pingpong between ‘its for the best I broke off contact I needed the space to heal’ and ‘I am a horrible person for taking#his only daughter away from him instead of talking’#but I’ve TRIED the talking and he just never LISTENS????? and made me feel so unsafe in this world at all times#I’m constantly trying to undo all that and it’s exhausting and no one gets how much effort that takes and I can’t tell them either#like. not gonna unload my trauma on people but if they KNEW they’d get why I don’t always react optimally to things the way they do#aaarffggHhhhHHHhHhhh#also I’m not even enjoying festa I’m not tuned in at ALL and that’s also deeply upsetting but there’s no other way atm#Also. did a thing in PFPT today that. I feel complicated things and I’m just upset about the way my life’s been until now#its making me feel worse than I was expecting#oh AND I was on a trip with friends I’ve had for 16+ years and they all were so happy to be together#felt so connected with each other and it was familiar and safe and lovely they said#meanwhile I cried at 3am in the bathroom because I had never felt more alienated from them ever#I know who /I/ am and what I want and don’t want but the dissonance with the rest of the world….. what the fuck man. What is my place even
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How it started:
How it’s going:
dev'zel x lae'zel 5ever loool
tav is lae's va's just btw she had them smooch under a waterfall in the middle of the gauntlet of shar last stream and karlach was just there in the background 😅
#reburger#y’all im still not over this 😖🥹🫶💕 that’s mother right there#like i kno i tagged her n all but agghhh it was kinda scary (positive) can’t believe she saw my silly lil comic 😭🤯#im like clutching my chest and grabbing my heart#just wanted to share this lil interaction cuz it kinda made the rest of my week or even month LOL
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OC ask game
🎭: 1,8,13
⤴️: 1,8,13
(Pic of dom with chicken nuggets because I like him)
HIIIIII :DD
picking the combinations I actually have to Think About hmm
also I’m putting this whole thing under a readmore because it got So long and rambly
1. Excluding murder, what is the worst thing your OC has ever done?
🎭: this guy has several variants but I’d say the worst non-murder thing it’s done that’s consistent among most of them (or at least what it believes is the worst thing it has done, which is similar but perhaps not the same) is (accidentally) possess the dead body of a close friend. the worst thing it’s done could also be aiding and abetting the leader of a mind control cult. but that doesn’t always happen.
⤴️: well like his job does include assigning and overseeing the punishment (torture) of anyone who does something considered “bad,” no matter the context. also he has people he made deals with so that they kill people for him in exchange for the continuation of their own (or someone else’s, in one special case) life. listen his source material is silly and i think his canon character might be the villain in a season I haven’t read yet
8. Would your OC consider themself evil?
🎭: no, not really! it considers itself selfish, yes, and perhaps too careless about the the lives of others, but it’s not evil.
(it’s got a bleeding heart inside all that porcelain.)
⤴️: if you called him evil he’d be like yeah I’m the devil. lol
13. Who does your OC hate the most?
TUMBLR DELETED MY STUFF. RAH. EVERYTHING AFTER THIS IS REWRITTEN.
anyways
⤴️: questions that made me read 30 more episodes of the source material! I need to diverge him from canon but then ive got a guy who fills a similar niche in a different way already. i do have two hands though I guess. (not like that) anyways idk enough of the lore (source material or. his own lore) to answer that question I think oops
🎭: a big part of what makes this guy so silly and self indulgent for me is the fact that it like. always acts kinda flippant about things no matter the setting. which tbh most of my faves are like that but you know. but anyways!! in general (bc it gets put in different medias in my brain) i think the kinda person it would hate the most is the kind that genuinely doesn’t value like. human life. or like the lives of the ppl around them? idk maybe that’s a bit silly to say but like. in the first thing I ever put it in it got really super attached to a group of ppl (at least partially bc of someone else but shhh) and so like. it had a wholeeee thing about that in my head and so. I think if it met someone who a. had ppl who were close to them and cared about them and b. utterly disregarded or even actively harmed those people then it would. not be happy
it’s silly because it’s the guy who i get to destroy with no consequences! because of the mechanics of how it works! except no it’s gotta have actual stuff to it too. and it’s gotta use the things I’ve decided are true for it and take them to logical conclusions. because that’s how it works
too much commentary in those by the end. oh well!! you wouldn’t talk to me still if you minded me rambling. and rambling
#i need to sit down and plot out like. at least generally what the divergence is with ⤴️ bc I think he might be the least fleshed out of all#my guys. or at least the guys ive shared.#like im reading more of the source material and the whole point of the insert thing is like. what if it was not that guy but instead a#different guy. but i haven’t thought about how the story would change bc of it for him#none of them have /that/ much depth though. like they do but they’re also seeing the light of day for the first time after being#daydreams and doodles for their whole existences. so there’s growing pains#bella said something#wubby my hubby#ask game answers#i can’t believe this. baring part of my inner thoughts to the world (and people I’m close to)#I’m too tired for this i think. don’t know if I’ll feel like keeping it all public in the morning#it’s not that late but still. im eepy
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petition to let them fight over the ichigo au lait
#my bet’s on mona and her 2 cm height advantage#still can’t believe they shrunk yujiro im sobbbifngngng#t h o u g h! while we’re still cheering over the new mona mv!!!!!#can we all collectively agree to just… not repost/use moge’s ‘do not reupload’ illusts without permission?#stuff like. yk. saving the images and posting ‘em elsewhere/using them as your profile icons and such?#screenshots from vids and stuff are totally okay but not moge’s do not reupload twt/fanbox illusts h e lp#bc i just think it’s really unfortunate that moge has to make twt posts to address this when it’s clearly written as such on her illusts…#so let’s show respect to moge’s wishes and not reupload without permission okay~? link sharing should be fine i think but not reposting!!!#let’s agree to not be part of the problem of our goated illustrator#i mean i haven’t seen anyone on here reupload (i think) but it’s best to be aware of it just in case… i think#ahaha sorryyy i’ll get back to idol sengen… though. um. tling it should be fine… right? since it’s official media and such…#uhhhhhhhhhh well. um. at least i’m not making profits off tling it? i earn enough from my day job i s w e a r
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🎊🥂🍾🥳💀💀💀🥳🍾🥂🎊
Abusive cunt died today!!!!!
Bring out the fucking champagne!!!!!
🎊🥂🍾🥳💀💀💀🥳🍾🥂🎊
Oh wait… I can’t drink rn… BOOO
#i might start believing in karma now#that bitch was so fucking awful he had a heart attack in his 50s#i mean ofc he has to steal my fucking thunder by going and DYING#i thought surgery was as dramatic as i could be but NOoOoOoOo#typical fucking gemini (jk i dont actually believe in horoscope shit)#shut up ray#fucking wtf is this year for shit happening in this family#he died alone and in pain… just how it shouldve been#idc if its fucked up to laugh abt someone dying#but that piece of human waste fucking ruined me#i will forever be effected by his treatment of me growing up#and im just glad he can never hurt anyone else#if i could drink to his fucking demise i would rn#but again.. surgery upcoming and i dont wanna risk anything even just a little sip#the relief of knowing he can never abuse someone else is… hoooooooo…#i hope his funeral is fucking deserted#cos no one who had to share a home w/ that man wanted to know him anymore#his ex-wife. his kids. his own fucking brother disowned the bastard YEARS ago#i hope he rots in fucking hell#okay.. that got intense#im not even angry#ive just been laughing and giggling for hrs#but now i wanna forget abt the asshole and focus on myself again#and I’ll end this w/ what my mum said#‘I can’t believe I’m free’
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For T — and me…
He was in love with her
Or at least she thought so
She was broken hearted
Maybe he was too
Neither of them knew.
She was way too hot to handle
He was way too high to try
He couldn’t even see her
He wouldn’t open his eyes
She was on her way to the stars
He didn’t say goodbye
She looked back from her future
And shed a few tears
He looked into his past
And actually felt fear.
For both of them
The answers — would never be
Everclear
Don’t ask questions now
Do that later
She brings joy
He brings Shakespeare
It’s almost a tragedy
Says she
Don’t endanger me
Don’t endanger me.
He really can’t answer her
He’s afraid of her
He’s hiding from her
And he knows — that he’s hurting her
She tells the truth
She writes about it
She’s an informer
He’s an x-lover
There’s nothing there for her
She’s already gone
There’s nothing that
can stop her
She was just flying
Thru the clouds
Where he saw her …
She was just making her way —
to the stars —
When he lost her …
Not enough people are talking about the fact that Stevie Nicks wrote a poem that opens THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT.
#op i hope you dont mind me adding on!! i think a big reason no one is talking about it is bc we can’t read cursive lol#ty for sharing the original handwritten poem :)#also i cant believe im seeing both these women live within the same month this year… dear god#speaks now
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excited for coordinator training ! dreading the hell houston project that still needs finishing 💀
#rough therapy today#it’s the late night missing my best friend hours#still struggling to reconcile that the person who taught me it was safe to love again is the same person who broke my heart.#it’s all very hard. i still wake up with things to tell her. happiness feels hollow without someone to share it with. to celebrate together#but i can’t stay where im not wanted. even when i desperately want to be wanted.#my love is a blessing. one day someone’s gonna treasure it forever. i have to believe that.#the right person will choose to fight for me proudly and on purpose because they see my worth#one day i’ll never have to beg to be loved ever again. i’ll just wake up with love surrounding me#just gotta keep pushing through. one day at a time#antipsychotic starting to make my screen fuzzy time to turn on a puppet history and zonk#sam soliloquizes
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IVE FINALLY FINISHED MY GRAPHIC NOVEL SCRIPT. 33,000 WORDS AND 50 PAGES. IM S O EXCITED TO START DRAWING.
#comic writer#original writing#writers community#writers on tumblr#writers of tumblr#writers#writeblr#writing#graphic novel#she moves the sea#oc#Ive been working on it since late 2020 and I can’t BELIEVE ive gotten to this point#IM SO PROUD OF WHAT ITS BECOME#AND IM SO EXCITED TO DRAW IT AND SHARE IT#aaaaaAAAAAAAAA
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