#and the people involved don’t KNOW I have anxiety but I can’t tell them either because it will make them look at me differently and I can’t

[hobisexually]

x

[sykestarot]

what's holding you back? how should you move forward?

1-2-3 (left to right)

I do not own any of these images

Hi guys I felt this was the message that needed be heard this week and some of it got very specific. Lmk what you think! Thanks for stopping by ily!!

Pile 1

“it consumes my mind, it consumes my soul, it wants my life, it wants complete control” (8 of cups (rx); 8 of wands (rx; The Emperor; The Hermit; king of wands; The Star) This pile might struggle with mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety. When channeling your energy pile one I had a heavy chest and a hard time breathing. You could be pushing yourself too hard and not taking a break. Or avoiding taking a break because then you’ll see how much pain you’re in. Either way I feel very heavy energies with you. I see you feel stagnant in your life, but this is because you refuse to make changes because you feel comfortable in the routine or cycle you’re in. I’m also seeing for some of you, that you went through something hard recently and you’re keeping yourself hidden due to fears of it happening again. This situation led you to forget how much power you hold and how truly beautiful you are. I think you might expect life to happen for you, even though you’re not really leaving your house. Sometimes we have to make things happen for ourselves, although I do understand not wanting to because of the fear of the unknown. The advice that the cards give you is to remember how you sparkle. I feel like your current energy is the song I channeled but the energy you need to embody is bejeweled by Taylor Swift lol. Two very different energies. Spirit is telling you to lean on them and let go of the past, because holding onto that is only going to make your journey to the top slower. I’m also not sure if this situation involved a betrayal but spirit is also letting you know that two people’s perspectives that may differ on the same situation can both be true at the same time. I also see in this advice that this is a journey you have to go on alone. I understand how daunting this may feel but I promise you have the strength and the resilience to get through this. I keep hearing “I wish you could see the way you shine”. Signs: August; the number 8; 8 mile; Eminem?; blue sapphire; stardust the movie; Aquarius; girl in red?; insomnia; overthinking; stripped socks; dark room lit up by tv; “remember who you are” - lion king

Pile 2

"Je te laisserai des mots" (2 of swords (rx); 3 of swords; The High Priestess; The Empress (rx); Justice (rx); 8 of wands (rx)) Hi Pile 2! I feel like for you guys you recently went through a breakup, possibly with your first love, or someone you thought was your forever. Maybe you guys were on and off for a while and you really believe this person will come back. I see that in terms of what’s holding you back is that you don’t believe that you can live without this person and that’s not true. I see that you would’ve given this person the world. I hear that quote where one person says “you were a wonderful experience” and then the other person says, “you, you were everything.” And I feel like you’re the one saying that the other person was everything. Perhaps you're an artist and this person was your  muse and without them you feel like you can’t make your art anymore. I genuinely feel empty channeling your energy. I see that what’s holding you back is the idea that this person was the only reason you were successful, which couldn’t be further from the truth pile 2. You are worth so much more than what you create. I also feel that you only value yourself by how much you create or do and that you punish yourself for not meeting a certain quota. But because of the loss you’re going through right now you’re not meeting quotas because you’re hurt not because you are an unproductive being. If you leave this reading with one thing I hope that it is that you are worth so much more than just what you create. As far as advice goes for you I see that you need to place trust in the mysteries of life. Most times you don’t know what life has in store for you even if you think you do. Place trust in your heart and your gut feelings. Rest when you feel you need to and create when you feel the need to. I also see that your inner monologue could be hurting you, the pessimism in your mind could be keeping you in a cycle of self hatred and unproductivity and they're working hand in hand to keep you stagnant. Try to think more positively and be gentler with yourself and you’ll see progress almost immediately. I’m also seeing that when you step back and see the bigger picture you’ll find that everything happens for a reason, and almost every ending leads to a new beginning. I believe in you pile 2 you can do it!! Signs: 222’; piano; marble; fine arts; french?; museums; pine scent; guitar; the color blue; long distance; wishing on stars; turn back time; Romeo and Juliet; “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” ; paintings; indie

Pile 3

“keeping me from who I need to be, distracting me from what I need to do” Pile 3 I feel like for you what’s holding you back is your inability to admit that you are wrong about something. For you I see you continuing to try to do something that isn’t working and probably hasn’t worked for you either ever or for a long time. I see that for you your destiny holds much more than what you are doing. I see that you are going down a path that is filled with obstacles and you believe that it’s because it’ll give you a better success story when these obstacles are not even obstacles there more like road blocks. I see this pile is more of a career pile. I also feel like I can hear you while reading this immediately going, “pfft this isn’t for me”. If you thought this at all then this pile is exactly for you. I don’t know if someone told you that you wouldn’t make it in the line of work you’re in but I do see that you took that and made it the fire that lit you up. For most of you though this is a job that you can make it in but it won’t fulfill you in the way you think it will because at the end of the day I believe you don’t actually enjoy this job. SO if you feel like your life is stagnant or staying in the same place it’s because this career isn’t meant for you. I feel like you also know what career is meant for you and you’re being super stubborn. I also feel like when you talk to people you’re close to about your job issues they immediately bring up your other option of what you could be doing. Like if you’re a lawyer and it’s draining you and you tell your friend and they immediately go “oh what about the art you used to make you know you were great at that!” I also feel that this irritates you lol. I feel like you know and are aware of it at the very least. The universe has been sending you signs about this for what I believe could be years. But you do what you feel is right for you. As far as advice goes for you pile three I see it’s time to heal. Perhaps the reason you're staying in this job is because you feel the need to get recognition to stick it to the person who told you you couldn’t. That’s not necessarily the healthiest behavior for ourselves. I also see that you need to start thinking of laying something solid down for the rest of your life, so maybe this job is also not letting you provide for yourself or others and on top of all of that you don’t enjoy it? I think spirit wants you to think in long term goals and does this job or cycle let you pursue those? Spirit would also like you to know that you aren’t alone. I really heavily feel that given the opportunity your friends would love to support you in any endeavor and are probably rooting for you to leave this situation. So go ahead and reach out when you’re ready to leave!! Many people love you and only want the best for you, remember that. :)  Signs: October 6th; October; June; pumpkins; hammers; carpentry; wood?; post malone; trinkets; working with hands; toxic positivity; hard helmets; hammers; beer; heinekens

[ebisul]

Sterile Mandalore and my issues with the New Mandalore we see

I want to preface this by saying a lot of what’s wrong with Mandalore and the Mandalorians is fully Filoni’s fault (among a variety of other people involved) for being a bad storyteller. Also between brain fog, ADHD, and a severe anxiety disorder, I’m brute forcing my way to coherency.

This is in no way a defense of Death Watch or the history of imperialism. I won’t tolerate anyone comparing me to a terrorist organization for not liking the depiction of Mandalore under New Mandalorian rule or any particular Mandalorian Character, yes that has happened before.

As an overview, I will be going over the setting of Mandalore we see visually, a few of the characters and what those characters say about Mandalorian culture visually, as well as briefly touching on the Clones, and finally how each of these contribute to the Mandalore we see in The Clone Wars.

Now I wanted to write this because I actually deeply enjoy the Mandalorians as a culture, I think everything from the language to the armor to the Resol’nare, uncertain if thats canon, is absolutely fascinating. However, what we see in The Clone Wars has next to none of that outside of Death Watch, the terrorist organization.

The Setting of Mandalore

Mandalore the planet is primarily composed of harsh, seemingly uninhabitable deserts created from centuries upon centuries of war. What we do see of the civilization on Mandalore is primarily within the domed capital city of Sundari. Now there are a few things I wanna touch on here, primarily certain locations, such as the schools, the palace, and the overall visuals of the city, and the people, as a whole as well as individuals.

Beginning with the Schools,

We see schools on Mandalore at least twice in TCW, once during the poisonings when we see a cafeteria and once during our stint with Korkie where we see classrooms and dorms, and i have always hated the way they look. I will say that you could very well interpret the Royal Academy of Government to be a sort of military school, though given the New Mandalorians are all about peace and pacifism it would be an odd choice to send your nephew there.

Visually speaking, the schools are beyond dull. In the classroom we see Ahsoka teaching in, the entire room is gray, with nothing but the desks and a projector. Look at the kid in the front row! Thats how I feel looking at this room!! These are presumably either teenagers or young adults at a boarding school. Im not expecting much for a classroom but a dull dark gray, empty room is not conducive to learning.

I also want to note that they wear uniforms. Its totally normal for a boarding school to require uniforms, that makes sense, however, these uniforms have one singular interesting component and thats the iron heart. I can’t find an exact meaning behind the symbol outside of reddit so im hesitant to define it here, however what we do know is that the symbol is absolutely ancient. A significant part of Mandalorian history.

The rest of the uniform is similarly a dull cool gray, or perhaps a dull blue. And there doesn’t seem to be much individuality in the uniforms, that is outside of hair and whatever gambit-style headwear those kids are wearing at least, but even then they’re mostly all very similar hairstyles.

Im also electing to ignore that there are seemingly two separate sets of triplets here. I know it’s an animation shortcut. Still, they are still there and I can’t ignore them now.

Now, on to what I’m presuming is either a dorm or some sort of recreation or break room, I don’t remember much of the context and frankly you can’t tell from looks alone. I’m leaning toward a dorm because that was my first interpretation.

Regardless of what this room serves as, be it dorm or break room, its still void of character. If this were a dorm, we would have no indication of whose it could possibly be.

It looks like the light behind Korkie is a map of some sort, or something similar its unclear, but that and the neon lights above Soniee are the only sources of color. The red and blue can mean a lot of things but I genuinely don’t think there is a major purpose behind it. We already saw the two sets of triplets.

However, lighting is meant to mean something. In particular, red can mean many things, but given the visual context it reads as stress inducing, as danger. Particularly surrounding Korkie as it does.

Now blue lighting needed a quick google search, but my results for the meaning of blue lighting where a little unexpected. Blue is a typical calming color, similar to green, though can also be interpreted as depressing and cold like grays, and blue lighting can be representative of isolation and passivity. Ironically, this scene is anything but passive. Again, im not putting much weight into it but I feel its worth noting.

Ultimately, its entirely impersonal, slightly stress-inducing, and only marginally better than the classroom only because it had color. Now onto my most egregious example from the schools we see and my most despised, the cafeteria.

Do you see this shit? Where do i even start? My best guess is that these are approximately middle schoolers. If i went to this school I would willingly drink the poison. Their lunch looks like three tomatoes, three mystery cubes, and debatably either a cracker or a slice of cheese. Horrendous lunch. How is this acceptable to feed to children for a whole meal? Enough complaining about their lunches, though.

The cafeteria itself is offputting to say the least. Pure white. The children, pale and blonde, all wearing the exact same gray uniforms with only variation for the girls, because girl = skirts. It’s the picture of uniformity. Its horrific. The only color outside of the pitiful lunch is the monstrous poison drink nearly all children have. Probably bc theyre lunches are terrible.

This scene has two interpretations in my mind. The first is that its meant to be creepy as all hell, which is unlikely because we’re supposed to support New Mandalore. The second interpretation is that it was meant to look like the epitome of peace and serenity and utterly fails because it takes more than an overuse of the color white to represent innocence, purity, and peace.

How do you manage to make an entire school look like a cloning facility? In fact, I’m certain the cloning facility has more diversity than all of mandalore.

Now the issue with all of these areas of the schools on Mandalore is that they look like no place to teach a child. There are certain things that are conducive to learning and color is one of them! So is fostering individuality! There are specific things that make an environment suitable for learning and these schools have very few of them.

Now onto the Palace,

This will be a shorter segment than the previous. Although I will be lightly critical of Satine here. So to begin, we primarily see the throne room. In fact, im not even sure we see much else in the Palace of Sundari. We do see Satine’s rooms or office but I can’t find a picture of it so i won’t use the example.

Both of these images share a few things in common. First is the dramatic lighting, the otherwise empty throne room save for the chairs that seem to have been brought in, and the only color present outside of gray is Satine and/or her throne. Even Padme, notable fashion icon, is or appears to be wearing gray in these scenes.

The dramatic lighting in the first image is an obvious “Hey! These are the good guys!” and I can’t piece out a relevent meaning behind the second image so Im choosing to move forward because I think it is just that, lighting.

Now the throne room being utterly void will be clearer in the next image I attach. The issue with it being so empty is that it feels almost lifeless, cold. It doesn’t feel like a throne room visually speaking. This ties into the last thing these images have in common. Satine and her throne.

Within the gray permeating what seems to be most of Mandalore at this rate, Satine is the only source of actual color. Her clothes are these vibrant, beautiful blues and greens and purples. Her throne is a glowing beacon above everyone.

What does that say, when every one of her people is dressed in grays, beiges, and pale blues? Or when they all dress the same?

This is a better view of just how empty the throne room is. Theres more of the iron heart design, though still no real idea of the meaning further than it is significant, as well as the portrait of Satine. The only things in this image with color other than gray or biege are indications of Satine. But the throne room itself is almost entirely barren.

Whether or not you think this is any indication of her character one way or another thats up to you. My read on what this shows of her is that she is blinded by her own ideals, she doesnt truly see her people as they are, be that through ignorance or arrogance, and that allows the corruption to seep.

I wanted to show the hospital because I think thats a Good environment design for mandalore but i lost the picture. It is ironic that my example of good design is the one thats meant to be clinical.

Therefore, I’m moving on to the city at large

The city itself is incredibly industrial. I’m torn because I know it has to be like that to a degree but it also doesnt have to be like that. That’s a choice the designers made. The city of Sundari exists within a dome due to the uninhabitable deserts from years of war, that doesnt mean it must look so cold.

It just feels so lifeless. Colorless even. Ive noticed by now, and you probably have too, that my main issue seems to be coloring. Well, I wouldn’t say its my main issue but it’s definitely up there.

We’re supposed to think that Satine’s New Mandalore is Good. That it’s this vision of peace and prosperity. But where do we see that visually? Through industrialization? Thats not good!

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that Satine’s peace is a clear facade for all of the shady bullshit going on behind her back, but we should be able to see that in the enviroment.

We should be able to see the idyllic peacefulness and people’s enjoyment of their city. We should see that face and the shady underside. We shouldn’t just see drab gray with a splash of corruption. It just makes Satine look like a bad ruler.

Characters and What They’re Telling Us

I’m actually not starting this with a particular character. I’m going to begin with the Mandalorian people as a whole.

What a surprise! Theyre all blond white people! See I have a huge issue with the lack of diversity among humans on Mandalore for a few reasons. The first reason is the obvious, it’s fucking WEIRD. The second reason is that we know there are people of color who are mandalorian.

And on the one hand this really demonstrates my point. Everyone looks the same, everything is dull and empty. This isn’t prosperity.

The first example they look like theyre dressed in uniform. Every single one of them is wearing the exact same color. Thats not normal. In the second image, while they aren’t dressed uniformly, they are all dressed in grays and beiges. These people are Satine’s governing council. They’re supposed to high standing officials.

And that brings us back to The Duchess herself

I’m choosing to use her main outfit design for this. There will be no more images from here onwards because there is no space but I’m trusting you all to know what these characters look like.

Satine’s Dress can only truly be described as opulent. She dresses in shades of blue, purple, and green and elaborate headwear and accessories. Her hair is styled in a way characteristic of Kalevala, similarly to Korkie’s friend Lagos but more extravagant. The colors she wears are chosen to appear soothing and to honor the history of Mandalore’s forests and lakes.

But this isn’t something you might pick up on naturally. Remember this is a show for children. You would have to do the research to learn that. Without that information you could interpret her appearance any number of ways.

Between her headress and the color scheme, I would have confidently said she was peacock-like, had I not known the nuances. Character design needs to be something people can infer from. Something that lines up with the environment to tell a story.

That being said what her design is meant to tell us is that she greatly values the less violent aspects of Mandalore’s past. That she is trying to preserve and honor their history and Mandalore’s beauty.

The issue is that (from memory at least) the honoring forests and lakes never really is relevant? We see Peace Park but we’re never shown much about any restoration or preservation efforts of the planet itself. Did they just give up because its a “wasteland”? Were there no other alternatives? We were never given enough context, explicitly or implicitly.

And without the knowledge of what her design is supposed to mean, what is stopping anyone from misinterpreting it. What is stopping anyone from thinking she is just this haughty, holier than thou politician? Especially when you put her next to civilians or even her own council when she is already sat above them on her throne?

Satine’s design is essentially meant to show us her value to peace and progression but we arent really shown much progressing. We’re meant to just believe what we’re told rather than showing us the progress in, yknow, progress.

Now, Bo Katan

I chose specifically to include the sisters in this because I wanted to compare them, also bc obviously they are the most relevant. Bo’s design also demonstrates her values, admittedly way clearer than Satine’s.

She’s a traditionalist, someone who values the warrior ways, and yes also a terrorist. Thats not super relevant. Because she’s a traditionalist, it makes sense that her character design is rather simple in comparison to her sister, but they both honor the history of Mandalore all the same.

Mandalorian armor is equally as historical and significant as the iron heart itself, even so far as to have the two intrinsically intertwined, having the Iron Heart as part of the armor. I think most Mandalorian fans know this already.

Now, I want to take the armor paint color meanings with a grain of salt. Im not certain how canon any of it actually is even if the meanings do seem to hold up withon canon. However, the thing about the armor paint is that it sets the mandalorians apart as individuals while simultaneously tying them together as Mandalorians.

Bo’s armor is painted primarily blue and gray with white detailing and owl imagery to signify her Nite-Owls. Now in the EU the colors have meaning. Blue and gray mean reliabilty and mourning respectively. I think it would be in the Mandalorian culture’s best interests to keep this canon and even expand upon this.

This is because these unique paint schemes allow for individuality, community, and notable artistic expression. I mean, just look at Sabine. This contrasts with the uniformity of New Mandalore which just makes New Mandalore look really bad. Like really, really bad.

Next I want to look at Almec

So, Almec has two designs I want to look at. First is his usual outfit as Satine’s right hand and the second is his own armor.

Pre-betrayal, Almec wears an almost solidly white outfit, with gray, beige, and a dash of gold detailing. This design actually has two iron heart designs, one in his clothes and one in his hair. Outside of the iron heart, the design is very plain. The overuse of white is likely meant to give an illusion of purity and peace again. It doesn’t really work when he looks so clinical, though.

In his armor, Almec’s design is a stark contrast to the previous. He wears a light green, maybe gray, flight suit with black and gold armor. The reason I wanted to include this design for a number of reasons but specifically, the shoulder cord.

The gold shoulder cord gives Almec a more militaristic appearance, even in comparison to other armored mandalorians. This is actually a design detail I really enjoy because the gold shoulder cord essentially means “service to another” in the US military.

The colors black and gold in mandalorian armor represent justice and vengeance. Again, take that with a grain of salt, but I think more importantly this change actually makes Almec a more recognizable character. The armor is more personal than his prior outfit working under Satine as a New Mandalorian. It tells us more about who he is as a person.

On to Jango

Yes he is Mandalorian. I will not debate this I dont give a shit what George Lucas intended with him. I don’t even care what was said in TCW. Jango was canonically a mandalorian foundling. And yes I know they never show up really in relation to Mandalore, but Its important I mention them, I think.

So, we know in TCW, Jango isn’t considered a mandalorian by the New Mandalorians. They insist that he must have stolen the armor, that there’s no conceivable way he could be mandalorian. Except that we now have canonical confirmation that he was in fact a foundling.

See, here’s the issue with this, because in retrospect they’re basically denying a dead man his own identity and creed.

Jangos armor isnt really what I wanted to talk about in relation to Jango himself. Mostly I wanted to talk about what his character means for the New Mandalorians. Jango amd Boba are quite literally The Blueprint for Mandalorians. Except now we get more Mandalorians and they fully deny Jango his Mando-ness.

What, because he doesn’t align with their ideology? Jango wasn’t a great person by any means but being Mandalorian isn’t just a nationality. It’s something you’re taught.

Again this isn’t about the armor, it’s about the fact that he’s played by a Maori man. The first Mandalorian face we see is a brown man and that gives a real bad impression when you have a planet of White People claiming he isn’t even Mandalorian, why? Because he’s adopted? Because he was a bounty hunter?

The Clones

This section isn’t totally relevant so feel free to skip to the next, but i can only go so long without talking about them.

The clones themselves don’t have a strong tie to Mandalore, narratively speaking. However, they do have ties built into their appearances. More than just being clones of Jango.

They don’t speak Mando’a in canon and we aren’t totally sure who exactly trained them before Jango died, but we do have little hints from their character designs that indicate some connection to Mandalore or the Mandalorian culture.

Rex specifically is one of the few with jaig eyes. Jaig eyes are a Mandalorian honor symbol. And he’s not the only clone with this symbol, Blackout also has Jaig eyes on his helmet. Which leads me to believe this symbol is fairly common for troopers since its not terribly common we see clones sharing symbols without a personal connection to eachother.

Further than just that, clone trooper armor, phase 1 at least and presumably onward, is also based on Mandalorian armor. This is primarily because of the armor jango wears, naturally his clones would be fitted with similar. But the clones have also picked up the armor painting. Could this simply be a coincidence? Sure if you wanna believe that. I don’t think I do though because its so significant to both cultures as a means of individuality.

What does all of this say about Mandalore?

And I mean that as what is this telling us visually. What conclusions can you draw from this with just images. Because it doesn’t look great for New Mandalore. And maybe that was the intent. I know my first impression of Satine was just how unprofessional she was acting.

Except we’re supposed to see New Mandalore as the good guys, essentially, right? Riddled with corruption but still Good. That doesn’t translate when the setting is dystopian-esque at best. Its cold and empty and clinical.

When you see an entire planet of people who all look almost exactly the same, wearing the same clothes, the same hair, the same face, the same color skin, it gets unsettling. Its a weird design choice because it’s an American cartoon and America is characteristically individualistic.

The Bad Guy, the literal terrorist organization, caters more towards that visual individuality than the peaceful, progressive Good Guys. It visually reads as a Safety vs Freedom story but thats not the story that they need to be telling. You can’t go telling people freedom is evil.

It makes it incredibly easy to misconstrue what New Mandalore is trying to do because the visuals aren’t supporting them. There’s a reason so many people genuinely think Satine has comitted some sort of cultural genocide against her people because we aren’t seeing any of the culture and when we do see it, its not supported by the narrative. They may have Mandalorian writing but they never speak Mando’a on screen outside of Death Watch. We dont really know what the iron heart means and its everywhere. They may talk about prosperity and progress but they aren’t showing us that.

What I Would Do To Improve

This is the last segment, I promise.

I want to start with what could improve the background. Because a lot of the issue stem from it being dull and lifeless, I think giving it some sort of life would really fix a lot of the issues. Namely, I would say to put more trees, real, lush trees not the tiny ones you’d find in a city. It would help give context to Satine’s homage to the forests of mandalore if we had a visual clue from Mandalore itself. This would also bring in some more color and take away from the industrial appearance. This is more of a personal thing because I grew up around farms, but I think we should have seen a farm or some sort of clue as to how Mandalore is feeding itself. How is it sustaining itself, if not for import?

Another thing I would change would be the overall coloring. Generally, I would push for more color but I’m mostly referring to the color of the buildings. I would replace the cold gray and blues with more of a bronze and maybe a warm orange or even just changed the undertone of the blue could add so much. I would also give the lighting more warmth. Overall I would just add more warmth.

Adding onto this, I would also bring in more color by adding more public art. More murals and statues and the like. We know they have murals and paintings in the Palace at least. We should see them in the city, too. Having more art around the city would also connect it to the same cultural roots that have the mandalorians painting their armor.

In the schools, the main issue is that there’s no color. That these spaces dont have anything that would bring a sense of comfort to a kid. The stark white of the cafeteria is more stress inducing than calming and it would be good to replace some of that with a splash of color to break it up, as well as with some background decorations. Slap a poster on them there walls.

The classroom we see could also use just more decoration, make it look like a classroom. Have posters of diagrams and models. The room is dark so I won’t say much of the coloring except just make it look less cold. The back of the room has a wide, empty space and I think if that space were filled with something it would change a lot of the energy it gives off.

As for the dorm, if that is a dorm, give is an idea of whose room it is. Make it look like someone lives there. If it’s not a dorm, why are these kids sitting in a dark room? The room itself shouldn’t exude this uncomfortable feeling, that should be the undertone.

Overall, I think the Palace is generally fine if only it werent so empty, and again, if there were more color. The detailing and the lighting both look nice but it just needs to feel more like a throne room.

As for the people of Mandalore, for fuck’s sake, diversity is not going to kill you. Again its insane that all of the mandalorians of color we see are either A.) terrorists B.) deemed not mandalorian or C.) future cultists. We should see more black, brown, and Asian mandalorians. Hell, we should see alien mandalorians too.

Furthermore, they should have more variety in their clothes. What society wears all of three colors when they definitely have access to others? On top of that we should see Mandalorians who still wear pieces of armor. Armor is defensive, it’s not inherently violent to protect yourself and it honors the history of Mandalore while still moving forward with progress.

This is of course just my personal vision. These visuals can be interpreted in a number of ways, if you want to think the designs are good and exhibit peacefulness more power to you, I simply can’t see it. I tried my best to keep it to the Clone Wars series with a strict focus on the appearance, though that was a difficult challenge for me.

Anyways, I hope this was somewhat coherent and enjoyable. I’ve likely missed some details but this took me multiple days to organize my thoughts properly so im not pressed about it. Let me know your thoughts! Just be kind and don’t call me a terrorist :)

[crguang]

how do you think kafka would fall in love with her s/o? like what does she notice first and makes her want to know her future s/o more. would love to hear your thoughts

i love any excuse to yap about kafka let me think… imo to catch kafka’s attention you would have to stand out a little. she lives a very exciting life and i think she’d be attracted to bold personalities, people with a certain talent she admires, just someone who kinda stands out from the crowd in any way. that would pique her curiosity for sure, but i do think she loves boldness in general. someone who can tell her to go to hell? someone who isn’t afraid of her and who plays hard to get a little? she’d want you so bad. would go out of her way to get on your nerves because she wants your attention, and that can translate as either pissing you off by being annoying or being excessively flirty, suggestive, sending you lots of things… i think the first step or indication that kafka’s getting emotionally involved is her need for attention from her s/o and the time dedicated to you. shes not clingy but she’ll take the time to check up on you even if she’s worlds away by calling or texting just to talk to you, she asks questions like “miss me?” and stuff because she wants you to say yes, buys stuff that make her think of you, etc etc. the feelings come after you’ve built a corner for yourself in her mind. i headcanon kafka as someone who intellectualizes her feelings more than she feels them, so she’s able to tell how shes feelings without necessarily feeling the emotions, so in consequence of that she realizes them a bit late. emotions that are instantaneous like anger or disgust don’t require much intellectualization, but love is slow to build and it would certainly silently creep up on her until it’s too late to remove herself from the situation. i hc that love/romantic feelings are the one thing that will always surprise her, at least from her part. she doesn’t ask herself “do i have a crush on them…?” like most people would do, that introspection about her feelings wouldn’t come naturally to her because she doesn’t expect them. so by the time she realizes that she loves someone it’s like “oh. shit.” cause things just got complicated very quickly

kafka prides herself on knowing people, it’s part of her power/advantage over them and she just likes observing human nature in general so once she’s curious about you she will want to know you. knowledge eliminates surprises and i just feel like if she’s intrigued she’s certainly gonna do something about it. she has no shame or anxiety like 😭 she’ll approach you no problem depending on the context, but she’ll also spend a lot of time observing you. she’s good at reading people and their body language so trust she notices the little things, they all contribute in painting a picture of you in her mind which will in turn make her feel more in control. the thing with kafka imo is that control is very important to her, and you can’t have intimacy and control in a relationship; intimacy requires risk and vulnerability and she’ll never fully expose herself, but what’s a little annoying is that she’ll probably expect that from you. she understands you but you don’t necessarily understand her. this is how she treats her relationships and it kinda sucks because u can never have complete intimacy if there’s a power imbalance in terms of vulnerability. at least in social psychology lmfao

but yeah falling in love is a slow process and it’s definitely obvious cause we know how she acts when she cares (with the tb) and it’s made painfully clear, so if you pay a little attention to her behavior towards you vs others you’ll be able to realize it maybe even before she does 😭 it’s endearing really. i can’t tell you how exactly she’d fall in love bc it depends on the context but once the train is in motion there’s no stopping it

[altbite]

König Headcanons

Personal headcanons I have for this teddy bear

Some of it is Konig x GN!Reader 

(also a lot of it is inspired by what i've seen plus my own experiences with anxiety) (a lot of this is just ideas i love)

____

The first time you meet him, he is like a statue. Doesn’t really move and when he does, he is surprisingly quite despite his size.

Doesn’t talk much either. At first you thought he was kinda like Ghost: tall, quiet, bit of a dick. Kind of like a Ghost knockoff but taller.

You glanced over at him A LOT tho. When he came into the room, you were the first to set your eyes on him and the last to stop staring. He noticed occasionally because he would glance at you, and like two awkward birds with anxiety, you both looked away at the same time, pretending you didn't see the other. This happened a lot

Eventually, you started giving him a passing smile if he walked into a room or walked by you. For a while, you didn’t know if he even acknowledge you but then he started nodding at you when you smiled at him.

The first time you heard him speak, his voice surprised you. It was a simple “Yes sir” to Price.

You were a flirt in the task force with almost everyone except Price. He was too much like a dad to you. Konig often saw you openly flirt with everyone, and found it..interesting, because to him and towards him you were a shy person.

You were slightly intimidated to flirt with him, because you haven't even spoken to him yet. But you'd be lying if you weren’t dying to flirt with him.

When you did speak for the first time, it was on a mission and you thanked him when he covered your ass. You don’t know if he said anything in return but you’d make note to bring it up again.

Back at base, you saw Konig in the kitchen making coffee. You walked over and started small talk, because you so desperately can’t hold a conversation with a stranger and even the small talk felt weird. You thanked him again and he actually spoke to you. 

“You know, for a big guy, you aren’t that scary”, you said and walked off, leaving him somewhat speechless.

After that, you had no issues speaking to him and he eventually reciprocated it.

One day, you were hanging out with the other guys in the kitchen, and lowkey flirting with Soap, Konig silently walked by and you made a point to comment. “See Konig here, is just a oversized teddy bear”, to which the guys chuckled at and Konig felt a little flustered. 

Your nickname for him was now going to be “Bear” but you made sure no one else would use it because it was your nickname for him and only yours. Konig never commented on the use of it but every time you called him that, he would blush a little (not that you could really tell)

You are a fan of horror movies and tend to watch them in your down time, and one night you managed to convince Konig to join you for one, even tho he stated he is scared of horror movies. You told him you would protect him from any monsters and gave him a extra extra large blanket so he could wrap himself in safety. 

He did not enjoy the horror and you laughed at him for it. You let him put on a movie of his choice after so he could get the spooks out of his body. he always choose a rom com, which you weren't a fan of. Doesn’t mean you both didn’t cry at the ending.

You two established movie nights, usually after missions and rest days.

If there was candy/sweets involved, you always made sure he got the last piece. If you were leaving the room or diverting your attention to someone else, you would hand him a treat and say nothing. He always appreciated them.

At first when you flirted with him, he was taken a back. People didn’t often talk to him as much or he with them, so flirting definitely caught him off guard. But once he got used to it, he would flirt back. He would act so smug when you got flustered and turned away from him, starting a conversation with the closest person or leaving the room.

He is a cat person. Sure dogs are cute but he would rather have a cat around any day. Preferably multiple cats. If you are also a cat person, the two of you would cry over cats. Every cat you saw on the street you would be like “kitty!!” and try to pet them. 

You two together are so chaotic. You strive on impulsive thoughts and often rope Konig in, and vice versa. Price just sighs every time he hears your name together. The sentence “Guess what y/n and Konig did today?” and he knew.

You are both a gamer and board/card gamer. Konig was neither really. You taught him how to play many games using a deck of cards. The others joined in sometimes and it was Konig’s real bonding with the team outside of missions.

His favourite game is Go Fish.

The team started to interact with him more after that game session.

He curses at you in German. Sometimes it scares you, sometimes you laugh your ass off. It depends on the situation.

If you are a sniper, you often nag him about it, especially if you are shorter than him. He doesn’t mind but he does find it annoying sometimes. On missions, you don’t get to team up because you end up fields away, looking through the scope of your rifle.

On multiple occasions, you have stared at his ass. Soap and Gaz bully you for it but they also join in because that man is caked. He is also packing but you never let him catch you staring there.

If you are covering him on missions from afar, you will zoom onto his ass and probably comment on it to him thru comms.

He mumbles curse words and tells you to pay attention. So does Price.

His love language would be physical touch. 

Platonically (+ applies romantically as well): 

he loves having his arm on your head or shoulders if you are shorter. You make a nice arm rest. You always cross your arms if he does it. Its a killer combo pose.

He enjoys fist bumps and high fives.

Not much of a hugger in friendships.

Slaps your back, either as a good job or laughing too hard and he needs to hit something.

Romantically:

He enjoys cuddles. a lot. He loves to little spoon and lay on top of you. At first he wasn’t comfortable, afraid he might crush you under his weight but you convinced him he wouldn’t.

Not a PDA guy but will hold pinkies.

He loves to give back hugs and nuzzle into you. Kinda just hangs there while you let him and move on with what you were doing.

He LOVES when you just face plant into his chest and wrap your arms around him. You basically are suffocating yourself in his chest and he eventually tries to push you away for you to breathe.

The second option is when you face plant into his chest and grab his pecs and just squish them like stress balls. Will get flustered the first time you do it and when you do it if someone is around.

Since my man is caked, you will touch his ass when you can. You will also slap it any chance you get. He does the same thing to you. He loves your ass in many ways

____

Ah tysm for reading!! I wanted to make a fic for this man but honestly headcanons were easier. I will more than likely make a part two but if you want to see anything added to this, let me know! I will happily obliged. Or if you want something specific send me an ask <3

[nburkhardt]

Somebody Loves You, You Got a Friend (part 5)

Other parts: one, two, three, four.

I know I said in the last part we’re meeting the CC boys, but I forgot about this. So we get a bit of what’s happening outside of Steddie’s bubble! (We’re fast forwarding a bit, Steve’s like five-six months along. Also if anything doesn’t seem accurate to real life, pls ignore that oh and the show timeline…don’t look too closely pls 🫡)

Being in a small town is still sometimes stupid, Steve will always say this. Because of how fucking true it is.

It wasn’t too long ago when all the town could talk about was “poor Joyce Byers, her youngest is dead” and then found alive it switched immediately to “poor Barbra Holland, just so young” and now? Now it’s his family.

Thankfully the rumors and gossip is about his father leaving suddenly and not about him being pregnant at sixteen.

Currently he’s hiding his tiny baby bump, because according to the doctors, he’s thirteen weeks along and the other day he noticed his stomach rounding out. So, he’s taken up to wearing a bit bigger shirts and sweaters. Since the doctors and his mom told him scent blockers can be harmful, he’s had to stop taking them.

Instead, he helps mask his scent with Eddie’s scent.

“How you feeling today?” Eddie whispers to him, as he subtly scents him.

He shrugs and notices Nancy and Jonathan staring at him, turning away, “the nausea is better today, I think. Right now I’m really wanting a cheese pizza oh, and a chocolate brownie”

Eddie laughs and pushes him just enough to start walking, “good thing it’s lunch, then?”

They make their way out of the school, Steve hearing multiple people whispering about them but ignoring it. It’s not new that he’s friends with Eddie, plus he isn’t really ‘King Steve’ anymore either. If anything, being popular was a huge disappointment.

As they reach his car, they hear someone shouting Steve’s name. Confused, and not finding anyone immediately, Steve’s a little surprised to see that Nancy and Jonathan followed them.

“Um, what’s up?”

Nancy looks between him and Eddie then narrows her eyes, like she’s trying to figure something out. “We wanted to talk to you about something”

Confused even more, he looks between the other couple before glancing at Eddie, who’s just as confused. “Ok? Can’t you say it in front of Eddie?”

Jonathan shook his head, “uh, we can’t- probably shouldn’t. It’s- it’s about my brother”

That’s when it clicks, it’s about the stupid Upside Down.

Again.

Shaking his head, he hopes they can’t tell his scent is spiking with anxiety. Eddie immediately picks up on it though, “Stevie, we should leave before our lunch break is over, yeah?”

Thank god for Eddie.

“He’s right and I really want some pizza, maybe another time?” He’s lying, there’s not going to be a next time for as long as he can ignore them. He can’t be involved with them anymore, especially with the tiny life growing inside of him. “Come on, Eds”

Eddie gives the other two a blinding manic smile before climbing inside the car and Steve just smiles and then they’re gone.

They drive to the closest diner that serves pizza and brownies.

They’re in the furthest corner of the whole place and hidden behind a wall, giving them the privacy they’ve been wanting. Steve’s not at all hiding the fact that he’s scenting Eddie and Eddie has a hand on his stomach underneath the sweatshirt.

“You know, I was told you can’t feel anything yet. There’s like a few more weeks, then apparently you’ll be able to feel them moving and kicking” he whispers against Eddie’s neck, “have I told you I love your scent?”

The alpha chuckled, “yeah? Your scent is better, it’s even sweeter now”

Shaking his head, he sits up and looks at Eddie, “it changed?”

Before Eddie can answer, the pizza is there. Along with two brownies, which Steve immediately grabs a slice. “Uh yep, I never realized how good this was” he nearly moans at the pizza, then he eyes the brownie and grabs a piece.

“You aren’t-“

Nodding, he puts part of the brownie on top of his pizza and takes a bite. An overly satisfied smile on his face, causing Eddie to laugh and shake his head. They eat mostly in silence, especially since the omega is happily eating the pizza with the brownie on top.

It’s only once they’re back in Steve’s car heading back, when he remembers. “Hey, you said my scent changed. What does it smell like now?”

Eddie lets out a hum, leaning over and taking in his scent before answering, “there’s a hint of I think cinnamon? It’s really faint, I only notice it when we’re scenting each other”

“I’ll ask my mom about it, this is still all outta my knowledge. I knew some of it but there’s things I didn’t know. Like, your scent is overly calming to me? It’s weird, I mean, before even back when you shoved me in my car at that party, I really liked it but it didn’t calm me down.” He explained as he parked but didn’t move to get out, instead turned to face Eddie, “I already knew the basics for pregnancy and all that. But apparently the baby will be able to hear both of us? It’s so weird. This is weird”

Eddie laughed, reaching over to grab his hand, “it’s metal as fuck, pretty boy. You’re growing a human, like right now. I know it’s not what we wanted but, I’ll be honest, I’m so damn lucky it’s you.”

Almost immediately, his eyes start to sting as tears well up, rubbing at his eyes, he laughs before shaking his head. “Please don’t make me cry, you sappy alpha.”

Eddie grins, “Your sappy alpha, princess.”

A Week Later

The Harrington house is quiet and all three people are currently asleep. It’s only eight in the morning on a Sunday anyway.

Steve has his face shoved by Eddie’s neck, arms wrapped around the alpha and their legs tangled together, peacefully sleeping. Eddie’s just as peaceful, with one arm holding Steve close and the other is thrown over his eyes.

Steve’s mom, Janet, is waking up only because of their annoying doorbell going off. She huffs, pulling on a robe and stopping by Steve’s room to see the boys still asleep.

The bell rings again and she sighs, pulling their door shut before making her way to the front door to be met with Nancy Wheeler.

“Hello, can I help you?” She never formally met Steve’s ex-girlfriend. She was too busy helping her ex-husband.

The teen is shocked to see her, clearly and she doesn’t know how to school her emotions yet, because the girl looks disappointed that she answered the door, “uh- yes, i’m here to talk to Steve?”

Frowning, “I’m sorry but Steve is asleep right now, is this important?”

She can tell Nancy’s an alpha that hasn’t figured out a way to control her emotions, because the girl is still disappointed and it seems frustrated, “I just need to talk to Steve, you’re his mom, right?”

“I am, and I won’t be waking him up just for a chat. You can come back later or wait until school tomorrow” she’s just as frustrated, if not more. This is the girl that called her son ‘bullshit’ and she doesn’t ever want to see that sadness and that self-doubt in Steve again.

She watches as Nancy clench’s her jaw before trying and failing to school her face and straighten up, “I’m sorry ma’am, but this is important enough to wake him up. It- it’s about Will Byers and-“

Janet shakes her head and gives a sharp smile, “My son isn’t the police or involved with what happened to Will Byers and I won’t be waking him up just to see his ex-girlfriend.” And promptly shuts the door before Nancy can say anything else.

If she listens closely, she can hear Nancy let out a frustrated huff and walking away.

Shaking her head she doesn’t bother going back to sleep, goes into the kitchen to start on breakfast since the night before Steve mentioned craving pancakes.

The smell of bacon and pancakes is what helps wake Steve up, the other thing is the light kiss on his forehead.

Blinking away the sleep from his eyes, his lips curl into a smile at Eddie, the alpha is smiling at him and he can suddenly feel a hand rubbing at his waist and stomach, “good morning, Stevie”

“Morning Eds” he sighs and leans into him for a few seconds and then he’s bolting out of the bed and into the bathroom, throwing up last night’s dinner. Groaning he feels a hand start to rub up and down his back, “Eddie, I swear I’m never going through this again”

The alpha laughs then helps him up. After brushing teeth and putting on decent clothes, they find his mom humming softly to the radio and busy flipping pancakes. Despite the fact that he was just nauseous and didn’t want food, he wants nothing more than the food his mom is making.

“Oh! Good morning boys” she smiles and turns the burner off before pulling him into a hug with a kiss to his forehead, “how are you feeling, sweetie?”

Shrugging, “just weird, I guess?”

“Yeah, that won’t be changing much” she smiles, “come on, I have enough pancakes and bacon. Would either of you like eggs?”

As they’re eating and having small talk, it isn’t until Steve’s finished his food that his mom looks at him with a pinched look, “mom?”

She sighs and looks at him, “Sweetie, before you woke up someone came over looking for you. She was pretty determined to talk, but I told her no. I just wanted to let you know incase she shows up again”

Confused, he sees Eddie equally confused and before he can open his mouth to ask who, his mom says it, “it was your ex, Nancy, I don’t know what was so important. She said it was about Joyce’s son, but you aren’t involved with them.”

For a quick moment he panics at the thought of Nancy pulling him back in, but he’s been better at standing up for himself other than just relying on others.

He doesn’t bother waiting, he’s determined to stay out of their mess. He has more important things in life.

Eddie’s waiting in the car while he’s standing on the Wheeler’s porch. He takes a quick moment to control his breathing and then knocks on the door.

It’s thrown open by Mike, who immediately glared at him, “what are you doing here?”

Rolling his eyes, “your sister wanted to talk to me and so I’m here”

Mike rolls his own eyes before turning and yelling for Nancy, then he just stands there waiting and honestly just glares at him. It doesn’t bother him, it makes sense. Then before he knows it, Mike’s being pulled away and there’s Nancy.

“You can’t keep avoiding this, Steve. You’re in this now” is the first thing out of her mouth, “are you going to help? The kids almost got hurt without any help and I thought-“

“I went over to that house just to apologize to Jonathan, Nancy. Not to throw my life away fighting monsters, did you forget we’re also kids? I’m sixteen. You’re sixteen!” He’s never been ashamed to fight dirty, “I thought that the supergirl closed that stupid gate, anyway?”

He watches as Nancy’s frustration grows, and he suddenly realizes how much they wouldn’t work at all. Ever.

“It doesn’t matter! We need help and you’re in!”

Shaking his head, he decides it’s not worth fighting and just says, “it does matter and I’m out. I’m not your boyfriend, I’m not even your friend. Leave me alone and I’ll stay out of your way”

And he simply walks away.

—

That’s it for now! I’m sorry for making Nancy into this pushy person but I mean…she kinda is that way in canon? She’s an older sister with younger siblings so of course she doesn’t see that she’s still only a kid too. She’s pretty much like this throughout the whole fic btw 🫣

NEXT TIME for sure the CC boys make an appearance 😌 (just a heads up, the unnamed member is named Grant in this) 

 Taglist: @spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @zerokrox-blog @callme-keys @maya-custodios-dionach @rajumat @yellowdevilkitten @munsonfamilyband @steddierthings @tartarusfairy @mx-jinxous @zombiethingy @lunaticmarunatic @izzy2210 @carlyv @thelittleclare @estrellami-1 @sierra-violet @grtwdsmwhr @epiclazershark @bookworm0690 @forest-fogg (if you would like to be added to this or the permanent tag list, let me know!!)

[aroace-poly-show]

HELLO OMG im so intrigued about hw actually and you have been talking about hw ruinene in particular so can i ask about what their history is like. what is their relationship currently. how are they doing. sorry if this question is a bit vague i can always reword it if needed!

FIRSTLY. THANK YOU OH MY GOD i’ve honestly been worried i’ve been too annoying about them dlkjfhjs BUT YAYYY SOMEONE IS INTERESTED YAHOO

anyway this is got SO FUCKING LONG so ramble is gonna be under the cut:

so to answer your question, the short answer is that they’re doing bad :D!! this is a nightcord/wxs swap after all.

for context in this swap au, rui was able to join nene’s theater group when they were younger!! nene wouldn’t join unless rui was allowed to as well, so begrudgingly the members let him join despite not liking him much bc they thought nene would be a good member. rui didn’t really want to join either, cause he could tell the members didn’t like him much, but nene really wanted him to and since didn’t want to stop her from joining, he agrees to it.

rui and the troupe don’t get along too much but they’re willing to deal with him to keep nene around and rui’s pretty content being able to do shows with nene. until nene has that fuck up on stage moment like she does in her canon past, but its made worse when rui tries to stand up for her. picture the wxs main story fight. something like that.

unfortunately the member rui ends up arguing with gets all up in rui’s face and provokes him into shoving them. the guy isn’t seriously injured or anything but that doesn’t matter much because now they have fuel for rumors to spread about him, that they knew they never should have let that weirdo kid join, they always knew he would hurt someone, etc, stuff like that. but nene’s involved too now!! given that she was his friend and ends up being the only one to stick around with him, rumors spread around her as well since not only did she ruin their show, she also hangs out with “that weirdo kid,” so she’s probably just as weird and dangerous. so they’re both stuck in this together throughout middle school. how fun :)

nene’s stage fright and social anxiety after that is fucking godawful. she can’t bring herself to sing anymore despite wanting to SO fucking badly, so she turns to composing as a hobby. she sort of takes on kanade’s role as the shut-in composer. girl is completely petrified of leaving the house. rui still makes robo-nene for her, so she doesn’t have to leave the house if she’s too scared to and can use it to go run errands or something with rui as company. my girl has so much self loathing in her about what happened and berates herself a lot. thinks of herself as horribly pathetic and cowardly. also so much guilt i will get into in a minute

rui meanwhile is really discouraged from doing shows after that. discouraged feels too light for it tbh. he still loves shows dearly but (pre main story at least) he is like. so convinced he won’t ever be able to and shouldn’t even try connecting with people after that. because if all his attempts are only going to lead to him and other people getting hurt, what’s the point? he’ll always be the weirdo kid no one trusts, and he knows he can’t do shows alone, and he’s kinda accepted that he’ll just be forever be lonely and isolated, aside from having nene with him. but that’s not rlly comforting to him bc of how guilty he feels about dragging her down with him.

speaking of which: time to bring up their mutual guilt!! good fucking lord they both have so much guilt inside them and despite how deeply they care about each other neither of them have ever heard of communicating‼️ they are both fully convinced they are at fault for what happened.

nene hates herself bc she feels like she pressured rui into joining, for messing her moment, for not being able to stand up for herself, for making rui do it for her and leading to what happened, and then STILL being so much of a coward that rui has to defend her throughout middle school. she feels like a burden to him and feels so so horribly guilty about it. he made a whole goddamn robot for her because of how scared she is to leave the house anymore after the harassment and she feels she does nothing for him in return.

rui on the other hand feels horribly guilty for making a stupid decision in the heat of the moment and dragging nene’s reputation down with his. he thinks if he hadn’t been there, if nene had never been friends with him, nene would never have gotten so much harassment. he thinks he deserves it all, but nene doesn’t. he’s really protective of her and took most of the heat when the harassment was really rough. he’s fully convinced he did this to her, that it’s his fault and the very least he could do for her is try to help her as much as he can. this is nightcord wxs so of course he wants to disappear but rui doesn’t less because he thinks nene would miss him and doesn’t want to make her sad (he cares so so much about her but bro’s convinced she should resent him for doing this to her, cause he definitely feels that way about himself) and more bc in his head, it’d be fucking shameful of him to try to take the easy way out. like, how dare he leave nene like that, when he’s the one that did this to her. how dare he abandon her when this entire situation is his fault.

nene’s also been the closest one to ever actually disappearing. she berates herself a lot for being too much of a coward to actually do it, to free rui of the burden that is her. she wants to both bc of the amount of guilt and self loathing she has but also just. feels really lost and aimless. like her dream was to be an actress, but she can barely leave the house anymore, so how is she even supposed to do that? like. she’s tired of living the way she does as a shut in. but at least she has music. she finds comfort in composing.

they’ve clearly stayed friends through it all, and they both care so so much about each other, but there’s a sort of wall between them after everything. they still tease each other and hang out together since they’re neighbors, and try to pretend everything’s stayed the same between them. they get better at not being so closed off to each other!! eventually!! but god starting odd neither of them EVER open up to each other. there’s rui who struggles to identify his own feelings in the first place and nene who doesn’t want to bother rui but generally they both just have the mindset of “i can’t trouble them more than i already have.”

when nene starts composing, rui’s really really happy for her. like he sees how miserable she’s been so her finally finding something she seems interested in makes him really really happy. and later once the group is fully formed, being able to do music videos makes him happy too. it’s not quite the same as doing shows obviously, but he’s happy he’s able to tell stories one way or another.

guhh. i hope this made sense and didn’t contradict too much. i’m probably missing stuff. that’s all the coherent stuff for now though. these horribly sad clowns who have never communicated in their lives…i’m insane about them…

anyway, a few miscellaneous facts about them:

nene is fucking ruthless online, especially when it comes to people even being slightly mean to rui.

nene switched to home schooling since middle school, after rui graduated from it.

rui picked out their online aliases, tako (octopus) and kurage (jellyfish). he likes sea animals and thought it’d be funny. nene did not seem to find it funny, but she kept the one he chose for her anyway.

rui’s also gotten really good at video games since he’s played them with nene for so long.

they stay over at each others houses quite a bit, and as they learn to not be so closed off to each other, staying over happens a lot more. if one of them feels like shit, all one of them needs to do is just text the other and no matter how late it is, the other will already be prepared with some spare blankets and maybe a few snacks. they might not always talk, but it’s comforting being in the presence of the other.

they came out to each other as aroace during a sleepover back in middle school. it really just went like:

“hey, rui?” “yeah?” “i think i’m aroace.” “oh. me too actually, i think.” “oh. okay.”

nene got to know mizuki a little bit, since she stayed close to rui during middle school. he introduced them to each other, nene still keeps in touch with them.

they have a hobby of trying new cup noodle flavors and combos together. they have a tier list and everything.

they both get anxious about arguments, but nene especially gets really panicky and nervous.

judas by abuse is hw core hw rui in particular. but there’s good lines that make me think of nene in there too. feel free to ask me for that ramble it’s been living in my brain

feel free to ask more stuff i’m more than happy to ramble

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Could you imagine a scenario where pre-calamity champions don’t know about link and mipha being engaged? so they confront them separately telling them they’re so obvious and they don’t know how the other hasn’t figured it out and they try to give them advice on how to tell the others they love them and link and mipha are just standing there like: 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

LOL YES

Link felt a strange sensation, like something was hovering over him. Stretching under the blanket, he slowly blinked his eyes open as sleepiness tried to drag him back under again.

Daruk was standing over him.

Jumping, startled out of his mind, Link scrambled for his sword, wondering if something was wrong. Before he could get very far, Daruk let out one of his earth shaking belly laughs. “Link! Glad to see you awake, brother. We need to talk about something important.”

Link stared at him, half sitting up perched on his arms.

Leaning in as if this were a secret of national importance, Daruk whispered, “You see, I’ve noticed how you’ve been lookin’ at the princess and I just can’t stand by for it anymore!”

“Exactly,” another voice chimed in, and, to his horror, Link noticed Urbosa in the background leaning against a wall, her arms crossed.

Link tried to figure out what in the world was going on. The princess? What looks had he been giving Zelda?? He hadn’t said a word in front of these two in ages, he tried to be as neutral as possible, he wasn’t sure how he had managed to mess this up despite his immense efforts—

“It’s obvious you’ve got feelings for Mipha!” Daruk suddenly said. “You gotta tell her, brother!”

Link blinked. Then he blinked again.

Wait, what? This was about Mipha?

Oh goddess it was obvious??

Wait a second. Daruk had said Link needed to tell her.

So they didn’t know how far it was. That was something.

But now…

“She clearly has feelings for you,” Urbosa chimed in. “You shouldn’t leave her hanging like this. You should be direct with your feelings.”

“Well yes, but like in a nice way,” Daruk added with a gigantic smile. “Take her out for a rock roast! Then tell her how you feel!”

Link’s brain was steadily frying more as he tried to figure out how the heck to get out of this situation.

Straight up saying we’re engaged and have to keep it a secret was probably not the way to go.

Goddess. He couldn’t believe they’d been that obvious. He thought they’d been hiding it pretty well.

But what was probably the most baffling was that Daruk and Urbosa were encouraging it. It would have been almost sweet and reassuring were it not for the complicated Zora and Hylian politics involved. Of course it was the two who did not belong to either party who were fine with it.

Link didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Revali of all people noticed. That champion would probably delight in telling the entire world just to watch Link fall.

So Link sat there, frozen in anxiety and embarrassment, wondering what in the world he should do.

“I’ll even help you out!” Daruk continued, clapping Link on the shoulder. “I got a reservation at the hot spring just for you two! I’ll have rock roast brought to ya!”

“I’ll tell Mipha,” Urbosa added, pushing off the wall and slathering some more elixir on her skin. The volcanic climate was horrific for all but one of them after all. “She needs to be in the water, anyway.”

Daruk rolled away in delight, leaving the Hylian champion and the Gerudo chief, and she walked towards him with a sharp eye and a soft smile.

“Relax, I’ll make sure something edible is available,” she said. “But I don’t coddle warriors. You must tell her how you feel and end this roundabout game of glances and blushes. It’s childish.”

Link shriveled under her gaze and felt a fire in his belly as defiance pushed him once more, but then he settled when she laid a hand on his head.

“Good luck tonight, little champion,” she said kindly, winking and leaving the room.

Link sat there for a second, processing everything, and then sighed heavily, collapsing into his bed once more.

XXX

Mipha had been hiding indoors to stave off the heat as much as possible. She knew she shouldn’t have come to Death Mountain, but she’d wanted to spend time with her friends and with Link. They hadn’t seen each other in months.

What she hadn’t expected was Urbosa immediately cornering her with a sly smile.

“All right, princess,” she started off, her tone firm despite her clear amusement. “This game has gone on long enough. It’s time I teach you the proud way of Gerudo seduction.”

Mipha choked on her spit. “T-the what?”

“Your feelings for Link couldn’t be more apparent,” Urbosa remarked. “The only moron who hasn’t noticed is Link himself. We need to remedy that.”

Mipha tried to stammer a reply, but Urbosa cut her off.

“What you need is confidence,” Urbosa instructed. “There isn’t a single Gerudo woman out there who didn’t win her mate by asserting herself. Respect the voe but do not cower around him. You are the one who must lead the relationship. Tell him you’re taking him to dinner. Tell him how you feel. Then demand his response.”

Mipha felt her face grow steadily redder as Urbosa spoke. Her words were overwhelming even with her engagement to Link, she’d probably have died of this were before they’d sworn to be together.

“U-um,” Mipha stammered. “I—we—”

Part of her wanted to tell Urbosa that she had taken the first step, that she’d presented the armor to Link. She wanted to see the Gerudo champion’s proud smile. But she was too scared, there was too much secrecy in their relationship. So she said, “W-well I’ll think about it.”

“You’ve been thinking about him for almost a year,” Urbosa noted. “It’s time to act, Mipha. And I have just the place in mind.”

Mipha sighed.

XXX

Revali stood in the distance as he watched Daruk push the Hylian champion and Urbosa give Mipha a pep talk. Both recipients were spluttering and trying to dig their heels in, but neither had the gall to stand up to their friends.

Not that it mattered anyway. Revali hadn’t been asked to get involved and he was grateful for it. But he was involved anyway.

After all, he’d seen them. He’d seen them when they were closer to Zora’s Domain, where they’d joined up with Mipha. He’d seen the pair swimming as he’d flown overhead unnoticed. He’d seen them kiss, almost with enough passion to make him blush.

Everyone figured Revali would rather sabotage the relationship than get involved, so no one had asked for his help. But the Rito Champion knew more than all of them combined.

Stupid Hylian, dragging me into his mess, he grumbled internally. For Mipha’s sake, he wouldn’t say anything. But the lonely ache in his chest as he watched the champions conspire, as he watched Link and Mipha’s eyes sparkle when they saw each other… well, it left him irritable, to say the least.

Huffing, the Rito took flight, heading south of the mountain to for a relief from the heat and ridiculousness of the situation.

[foxymoxynoona]

Tell Me What Changed: The Epilogue

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else I'm making it up as we go

Read on AO3 here or below cut

Previous Chapter | Masterlist

Four years later

“Hm.”

Jungkook nearly ran into Alex’s back as she stopped short in front of an aged metal sign. He pressed his hands on her shoulders and looked over her head at the circle with the line through it over words in a language they didn’t understand.

“That won’t stop me, I can’t read!”

“It’s pretty obviously telling you no,” Jungkook argued. “On what planet does a circle with a slash through it mean yes?”

“It kind of looks like the no parking sign,” Alex countered. “So we won’t park here.”

“Alex–”

“Come on, fuddy duddy, you tired? Besides, that guy didn’t tell us not to,” she said, and set off. 

Jungkook hesitated despite the taunting grin she threw over her shoulder. Yes, they had talked to “a guy” –an old man with a herringbone cap and a brown dog with no leash that made Jungkook long for their baby at home. The man spoke Croatian and Russian only, which unfortunately was not on the very short list of languages Alex and Jungkook spoke. After gesticulating and trying various phrases in French, Italian, and German that they’d picked up in the last six weeks, he’d nodded “ein wenig” about the German and the had traded short German vocabulary words back and forth: Berg, Burg, Brücke. 

How do we reach that ruined castle we see on that hill? That’s what they’d been trying to figure out. 

He’d pointed them up the road, but for all they knew, that meant go to hell and it was just a coincidence they’d seen an opening in the stone wall. He overestimated their German and didn’t seem confident in his own. It didn’t reassure Jungkook one bit.

“There’s a path!” Alex called back to him. “Path means yes!”

Jungkook slowed and studied the “path” she stood so proudly on, a narrow, uneven ordering of flat stones and logs. 

When he didn’t rush forward, she crossed her arms under her tits and challenged, “What’s the problem? You said we could find a way up.”

“Yeah…” He fidgeted, hands in his pockets, and tried to see the crumbling stone towers they’d spotted from the road but it was impossible from this angle through the trees. “It’s just we already got in trouble with the cops once since we got to Croatia–”

“We didn’t get in trouble, they just helped us figure out how to pay the fare.” That was true, they had actually been very nice, but it didn’t change that they’d gotten caught after Jungkook had been so confident no one would care about a couple tourists without stamped tram tickets. Oops. He still felt like an asshole.

“I don’t want to go to a European jail.”

“Yeah, me either!” 

“They won’t send you to jail, you’ll be all cute and innocent looking and they’ll call your mom, but my tats will get me thrown in the slammer and you’ll have to get the President involved to get me out–”

“I really don’t think it’ll be like that,” Alex snickered. Jungkook didn’t honestly either. The truth was just that his stomach couldn’t handle any more anxiety right now, and getting lost outside a Croatian town during an innocent after lunch stroll only to hike a random-ass mountain to see a crumbled old building and possibly break a leg or get arrested for trespassing was just not on his European bingo card. 

She sighed and hopped back down to him. She took his arms and he quickly let go of the things in his pocket so he wouldn’t send them flinging as she shook him.

“Babe.”

“Al.”

“Babe,” she said again. “I promise to do all the talking if we get arrested. I’ll do the blowjobs. I’ll do whatever it–”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he scowled.

“But I really think it’s fine. There’s no chain across the opening. There’s a path. And I really want to.”

“Why?”

“Because we walked so fucking far on my little stubby legs after you got us lost–”

“Oh, I did–”

“And I want it to be worth it by discovering a cool secret castle.”

“You don’t even know if that’s a castle,” he pointed out.

“The guy said so.”

“Berg and Burg don’t sound different enough for you to know for sure! He might just have been saying ‘you dumb fucks, it’s just a mountain, go to hell.’”

She sighed and pulled him into a hug. He towered over her but she dragged his head down to her shoulder even though it deeply hunched him, and stroked his back.

“Sh sh sh.”

“I’m just tired of castles,” he admitted. “We’ve seen castles in Spain and France and Germany and Italy and Austria and Sweden and Poland–”

“We didn’t see castles in Poland.”

“Oh, was it churches then? Cemeteries?”

He sighed and sank down on a fallen log and spread his legs out. They hurt, and if his legs hurt, he didn’t know how Alex was still standing. Except that now as they neared the end of their eighth week backpacking around Europe, he had learned this was how she was when things went wrong. When their train had broken down in the middle of the night in a small German town in the middle of nowhere, when the hostel they’d booked in Sweden turned out to be an empty warehouse and they had to drag their things through the pouring rain to find a new place and that was right after the boat from Denmark made them so seasick, when the trains went on strike in Paris and they got stranded for an extra two days than they’d planned, when–

Listing them out, none seemed as disastrous as they had felt at the time. It turned out backpacking was fucking hard. Changing countries every three to seven days for weeks on end was fucking exhausting. And as eager as they had been to see as many different places in Europe as they could cram into this ‘trip of a lifetime,’ the castles and ruins and churches and train stations and town squares were all starting to look the same. In Prague they’d gone to visit a Jewish Temple and he’d wanted to weep because at least it wasn’t another fucking church! 

OK, that wasn’t fair. He was actually having a really great time overall. He wasn’t some big history buff or anything but it was really cool to see so many of the things he’d been forced to learn about in school with his own eyes. The Mona Lisa was way smaller and the Roman Forum was way bigger. German beer was much better and Prague clubs were so much wilder and Alex loved him so much she’d stayed out all night with him. Europe was so much older than the tourist shit they had in the States. Mostly he cared about the food, and that had been cool, even the bad meals, just to say he had. That was why they’d come to Samobor in the first place, because it was an easy day trip from Zagreb and they’d been bored and googling what to do before their epicly long train tomorrow to Greece –their final destination where they’d meet up with friends before flying home. 

“Let it out,” Alex said, taking a seat beside him. “Oh god my legs are going to fall off my fucking body. I may not be able to get back up, I’m serious. Hope you’re ready to piggy back me, beefy buns.”

“I’m tired,” he admitted.

“Me too.”

“I miss my bed.”

“It’s our bed.”

“I miss my mom’s cooking.”

“Mm-hm.”

“And you know what I miss the most?”

“What?” Her eyes narrowed, clearly suspicious, but his answer was innocent and sincere.

“Bam.”

“I know, but he’s having the time of his life with Yoongi and Joon,” Alex pointed out. “He’s their trial baby. They’re spoiling him. He may be pissed when we come home.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungkook glared. “He knows whose baby he is.”

“Yeah, mine.”

“Mine!”

“He takes your side of the bed when you get out in the morning.”

“Yeah to be close to my scent when I have to leave for work,” Jungkook insisted.

“No, because he’s my husband.”

“Our dog is not your husband.”

“It’s ok, l’enfant, you’re still precious to me too.”

“What was that? How did you say that?” he teased. It had been hilarious to learn Alex sucked harder at French than anyone had ever sucked. She couldn’t make anything even close to the right noises. It made so much sense why she had completely flunked it in high school; she’d had to change to Spanish, and she’d sucked at that too but slightly less. Jungkook, on the other hand, had been told several times by French people he spoke his freshly learned sentences like a native. And ok, fine, Alex was correct it was women who had told him that, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t true!

Alex was pouting now at his teasing because it had also been revealed that she really wanted to sound sexy speaking French (alcohol, alcohol had revealed that) and her attempts at a few new phrases in the bedroom that night had not gotten the response she wanted. He’d tried to keep a straight face! Because she looked sexy and cute as hell in the light blue thing she’d picked up earlier in the day at his begging, way too sexy for the low-budget hotel room with its peeling wallpaper and chipped wood furniture, but god her French was awful.

“What are you smiling about? You’re thinking about Belgium, aren’t you?”

“Huh? No! I was thinking about Paris!” In Belgium, her drunk French after they’d spent a late evening in the clubs had made someone think they’d been doing drugs and alerted a nearby police officer.

“Oh, when you laughed at me in the bedroom.”

“I didn’t laugh at you, I laughed at your French. Just give up. You don’t need to speak French just because French girls liked me,” he assured her with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Don’t gloat just because they thought you’d be a pretty plaything–”

“I am a pretty plaything!”

“So pretty,” she readily agreed, and reached up to squeeze his cheeks together. “Look at that pretty face.”

“Don’t you… want to play with me…?” he tried to prod her into making a raunchy joke. 

“You already got your ‘I fucked in Croatia’ stamp, isn’t that enough?”

He couldn’t help the chuckle. Alex had given him the “Assport” the first night they’d landed in Spain alongside a little stamp that said ‘I did it!’ to stamp each page as earned. “So you can say you fucked your way through Europe,” she’d giggled. “Even if you only get to ride the Alex-rail.” “Rail the Alex?” “Yes, your train can only enter one tunnel.” “You have more than one tunnel. Do I get a stamp per tunnel in each country?” “...No.” “A stamp when I enter and a stamp when I leave?” “Fine, whatever.” 

It was hysterical. He loved that in the middle of stressing her hair gray  in preparation for their nine weeks away, Alex had taken the time to make something so fucking stupid for him. So, to prove he was a good boyfriend who appreciated her, he’d made sure to fill her in. It. Fill it in. Well, both. Even when it meant shoving his barely hard dick into her pussy the single night they had in Belgium after he’d eaten something on their gastro tour that disagreed with him. She’d suggested a skip but he refused to let Belgium win! Now he’d always remember Brussels as the place with the pissing little boy status and also the place where he’d failed to orgasm. But she’d taken pity on him and let him finish her off with the vibrator and agreed when he insisted they’d fucked: his dick was in her body (however briefly) and she orgasmed. Stamp it.

“Ah, I love you,” he sighed and flung his arm around her shoulder to hold her in place for his sloppy kiss on her temple. She, predictably, squirmed away. Belatedly he added, “But just because I already earned my stamp doesn’t mean I can’t go again. What’s the point of illegally hiking a mountain to look at rocks if you don’t get a handy out of it?”

“Is that why your hand is glued to your pocket?” she teased. “You rock hard in there thinking about the cool rocks we’re going to see?”

He quickly pulled his hand from his pocket. “No.”

“Look if you really don’t want to go, you can stay here.”

“Why are you so determined?”

She pushed up from the seat with a groan and teetered the first few steps. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess because we’re here, we can see there’s a castle up there, we might as well see it. I mean when are we ever going to be in Samobor, Croatia again? Probably never, right? We’ll literally never be in this place again and I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering what the castle on the mountain looked like.”

“Or the inside of a Croatian jail cell.”

“Exactly, you get it! I’m doing it for the ‘grams.” She gave him a wink and two peace signs, as if he was taking a photo. “Or at least the stories. This is the kind of trip we’ll talk about for the rest of our lives! I don’t want to say I got all the way here and wimped out!”

That would definitely not be the story. Since landing in Europe, Alex had been more outgoing and adventurous and motivated than he’d ever seen her. At home she’d whine about standing in line at the grocery store for too long, she’d demand a piggy-back ride from the couch to the bed, when their friends would suggest some weekend trip to do something, she’d give Jungkook that look like we would rather stay at home, right? Let’s just stay home. She was a creature of habit, he’d always known that about her, he was like that too.

The addition of Bam to their family lent itself to more adventures as they started taking him on hikes. Alex walked their baby as much or more than Jungkook did –though in his defense, it was because he was working two jobs these days so Alex was around more! He’d love to be walking Bam more. God, he wished he could walk Bam right now. What did it say about him that Alex was ready to hike a mountain just to maybe see something cool –she’d been ready to brave any crowd, any line, any obstacles to see the things you were supposed to see anywhere they visited– and life-of-the-party Jungkook wanted to just go home and walk his dog. 

That made him sound like he wasn’t enjoying his time in Europe. He didn’t want to sound like that. He was! It just wasn’t exactly like he’d expected and right this moment he was tired and kind of cranky. He got like that sometimes, whatever! He hadn’t slept well last night; the walls at the hostel were too thin, the mattress was flat, and the sheets were heavily perfumed. He’d lain awake next to her in bed, comforted at least by her deep post-sex snores that she refused to believe, and worried because he was running out of time.  

He watched Alex’s back as she hiked boldly up the path and once again shoved his hand in his pockets to fidget with the box that had been nestled there for eleven countries now. Eleven countries without exactly the right moment. What did that say about him that they were on a fucking once-in-a-lifetime backpacking trip around Europe together and there hadn’t been the perfect moment? There had been so many good moments, even great moments, but not that moment. He knew he’d feel it when it was time. He hadn’t felt it yet. He was running out of time. 

He ran after her before she disappeared from view; obviously he wasn’t going to let Alex wander off into the wilderness without him. They didn’t have a scrap of navigation skill between them but at least they’d die together. He was her ride or die. That included ill-advised treks up mountains in foreign countries, apparently. 

“I can smell that you’re right behind me.”

“Can’t you hear me?” he pointed out.

“Yeah but I wanted to comment on the fact that we’ve been away from home for two months now and you still smell like you just got home from work.”

He grinned and strode around her to lead, “You do too.”

“No I don’t!”

“Hey, it’s fine. I got used to you smelling like stale espresso years ago. The fact I even know what stale espresso smells like is all because of you, babe. You’ve really changed my life.”

“For the better,” she nodded.

“Hm. You think so? You think that’s what I meant?” 

She laughed and tried to hit his ass but his backpack shielded him. 

“Whatever, at least I don’t sparkle like Edward Cullen.”

“But I smell better than he does, I know it,” he argued. “Besides, you like the perks.”

“Of you playing with bubbles all day?”

“Of the bath bombs I bring home for you!”

“Yeah until I took so many baths I got that fucking UTI,” she laughed. Apparently that could happen. Fucking around so much when he was younger had left him overconfident that he knew everything about a woman’s body; living with Alex the past couple of years –both as roommate and partner this time– had taught him so much more. 

“I do appreciate the bath bombs though,” she clarified, misunderstanding his silence. “I guess I’ll miss you coming home smelling so good all the time. You always smell like mall after Verizon shifts.” She paused to debate where the path split, but Jungkook noticed it just went around some trees and converged ahead, so they each took one. 

“Maybe I’ll keep working at Lush.”

Her answer was quick, “No. Now that you don’t have to save for the Europe trip anymore, isn’t one job enough to live on? You work so much and if Verizon can’t give you the promotion you obviously deserve then maybe you should quit both places and go to T-mobile or whatever.”

It was sweet. It was sweet that she wanted his time more than his money. It was sweet that no matter what else she teased about, she was always ready to champion his career, to rage about him being underappreciated at his jobs, even when it wasn’t true. It was sweet she thought he’d needed a second job just to pay for the Europe trip. She knew how much money he made. She knew how they split their finances. She knew what this trip cost them each. Did she really not wonder where that extra money was going?! But he believed she genuinely didn’t, or at least didn’t care enough to wonder about the math.

“Look, a handrail,” she pointed out. “They wouldn’t put a handrail there if we weren’t allowed. Doesn’t this whole place have kind of a fairy tale feel to you?”

“If we meet a gnome, my tactic is going to be to convince it you’re related so it’ll leave us alone.”

“God you’re such an asshole,” she laughed and gave him a hard shove that barely budged him. 

“It’s nothing personal! It’s survival!”

“Well if it’s a troll, you’ll be right at home.”

“Because I’m… big and strong?”

“Dumb and ugly.”

“See, but that’s not even a little bit believable,” he argued. “No one would think I’m ugly but you’re objectively short.”

“And ugly?”

“No no, that’s not what I said! You’d be so hot to a gnome. I bet he’d fall in love with you. He’ll lock you in these ruins. All the gnomes would beg to orgy you.”

“Oooh sounds kind of like Beauty and the Beast… I could go for that! I have no problem seeing past someone’s cursed, terrible, glittery, greasy, off-putting exterior–”

“Come on, you know the oil makes my muscles pop better in the photos. I get way more engagement on those posts–”

“Mmm, love my slimy boyfriend as long as he’s doing numbers. And the laundry.”

She could tease him all she wanted though because her support had been unwavering. He’d decided not to pursue a full time influencer career after all, but it wasn’t for any lack of encouragement from her. After years of building up his account and relationships with brands, he’d tried to commit to it full time for six months and wound up making almost enough to live off of, but the pressure it had placed on the way he looked and maintaining a certain online persona had driven him into the ground. Hard. Alex had scraped his self esteem back together and held him close to her chest as he eased off and found a healthier balance that didn’t hinge his self worth on how many abs you could see in any given photo. She also bought him a puppy.

Now the contents of his account were more diverse: showing off his cute dog, their hiking adventures, their lazy afternoons cooking and gaming, and sometimes funny things with Alex mixed in with fitness photos when he felt like it. He liked being hot on the internet, he just couldn’t handle it being the entirety of his life. He ended most of the partnerships though occasionally did a sponsored post if it felt natural and good. It had been a dark time for him but a deep bonding time with her. It had made him realize it was time to lock this shit down in a legal way even though she hadn’t ever once asked him about it.

That was over a year ago. He’d been the one to say they should finally make their Europe trip happen as a joint 30th-birthday celebration. He’d taken on the second job to save up the money he needed. And now… now he was waiting for the perfect moment to…

“I think we’re almost there,” Alex announced, veering ahead. 

Maybe he was stupid. Maybe that was the problem, he was trying to make something happen that shouldn’t. The same doubts that had bubbled up for the last year did so now, in the quiet of this forest. Alex had never said she wanted to marry him. They didn’t talk about it at all! When people brought up marriage, she made a joke about taking twelve years to even start dating so why the rush. Once she joked about counting down to the day they met Common Law criteria and would earn some legal property rights through that “for free.” If it came up topically, maybe in a movie they watched, Alex would insist she really couldn’t imagine being a bride and also that the wedding industry was a sham.

So it was entirely possible, he considered not for the first time, that Alex didn’t want to get married and was going to turn him down if he didn’t make a compelling case for why she should bother. By now she knew what she was getting with him, so he needed something big to help her understand why this would be good for them. For legal reasons, sure, tax breaks, but also because he just… 

“There!”

He realized she had gotten out of sight. Shit. He ran the last leg of the path and joined her in the grassy space preceding what was, indeed, a small ruined stone castle.

“We did it!” she grinned, and threw her arms around him, backpack and all.

“That’s… it?”

“Yeah, but we saw a random castle on a hill in Croatia and hiked our asses up it and there it is,” she beamed. “I wonder what it is though…” She released him and went closer but –to his relief– stopped on this side of the chain draped across the only path into the ruins themselves. Not that there was much space to go. 

Jungkook pulled out his phone; his service was definitely better here but still spotty, so it was slow to return search results. In the meantime, he followed Alex along the part of the perimeter they could reach. They could easily see all the way to the other side though.

“Maybe it was like a fort or something,” Alex suggested. “Or a storage house. Weapons or grain or something.”

Jungkook’s phone loaded a page and he quickly shared, “So, there is a Samobor Castle, but this is definitely not it.”

“What?!”

“Look, it’s on the other side of the town.”

“How do you know that? You don’t know directions.”

“Yeah, look, that’s where we got cake, and it’s that way, but we went this way… I don’t know what this is. Google doesn’t know either. This is… nothing.”

Alex looked between him and the ruins. 

“Well it’s not nothing,” she defended. “Basically we just discovered lost ruins–”

“They aren’t lost, we’re lost,” he laughed. 

“Ok, so? I still think it’s cool! Who cares if it’s not the castle, right? We got to this place all on our own without even good directions.”

“Alex,” he called as she monologued her way to the other side of the castle. 

“We saw a place we wanted to be and we went there! That is the spirit of adventure! We–”

“Alex, watch–”

“We seized the– AGH!!”

His warning came too late and he wasn’t fast enough to grab her as she slipped on the rotting leaves and went tumbling down the hill. All he managed to do was overbalance and go rolling with her. It happened so fast, both of them flailing and thumping as they tried to grab each other and brace themselves. 

It must only have been a few seconds but felt like ages before Jungkook managed to dig his boots in enough to get traction and stop rolling, around the same time Alex grabbed a tree.

“Oh fuck,” he gasped, crawling towards her as soon as she stopped. “Are you ok? You’re ok, right?”

“I think I’m ok. Are you ok?!” They grabbed each other and inspected arms and legs and faces and heads. Her hair was shoved full of leaves and he pressed all over her skull, feeling for any gashes or bruises.

“You didn’t hit your head, did you? Why are you so breathless?”

“Because I just rolled down a fucking mountain in Croatia!!”

“Did you hit your head? Fuck, we should– we should go to a hospital and–”

“I didn’t hit my head, did you hit your head?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he insisted and felt like it was true. He patted his body one more time anyway. Face, head, shoulders, chest, backpack contents probably crushed now but nothing that could be too badly damaged, pants–

“Shit,” he hissed, realizing his pockets were empty. “Fuck, no!”

“What?!”

“My, um, my phone fell out…”

“Oh shit! Ok, well it has to be here…” He admired her determination as they both looked up the full length of where they’d rolled. They’d disturbed the leaves and low plants and the contents of his pockets could be literally anywhere. They’d never find it. Fuck. FUCK.

But Alex crawled forward on hands and knees and instantly cheered, “Keys! Hotel key, right here. Also put that in your backpack, not your pocket, idiot!”

“Yeah sorry, I wasn’t intending to go rolling down a hill because my girlfriend can’t watch where she’s going.”

“It was a hidden slope!”

“You have to look! We aren’t even supposed to be up here!”

“They could have put a sign or something,” she suggested, clearly predicting his rebuttal, “You would have ignored it anyway!” He couldn’t join her laughter though. His pockets were empty. This was bad.

He crawled slowly back up the hill, trying to look everywhere and not bury his things worse in the search. Finding the key gave him hope but it was also probably the last thing to fall out. His hands trembled with fear that he had just lost several very expensive things. One of which was going to ruin everything now. He couldn’t find the perfect time in Greece if he didn’t have the fucking ring!

“Found it!” Alex cried further to the side and held up his phone in trump.

“Ok great, uh– I lost some other things so just– why don’t you sit over there and catch your breath–”

“What other things? You really want to hunt for a lip balm right now? I’ll just buy you another one.”

“It was a really good lip balm,” he mumbled, not even paying attention to what he was saying. The box was going to be even harder to find, the black would blend in with the mud and dark leaves whereas his white phone case stuck out.

“Koo, forget the lip balm–”

“It’s not about the lip balm. Just sit, make sure you’re really ok before we have to hike down again.”

“Well tell me what else you’re looking for and I’ll help.”

“Just lip balm.”

“Huh?”

He realized what he had said didn’t make sense and stopped to clarify –only to realize she was not saying huh about the lip balm. She was saying huh about the small box she had just lifted from the leaves. 

“It’s just a box,” he blurted out. Then, “It’s not mine.” But he could see on her face she suspected exactly what kind of box this was and that it was in fact, obviously, his. 

He lunged for her, “Give it–”

She twisted away from him and popped the lid.

Defeated and incapable of facing her now, he reared back and turned away, fists clenched against his forehead. 

But he had to see her face; he turned back to her. Every other possible denial or explanation or even a smooth, elegant speech that could save the day, all caught in his throat.

“I just want to,” he blurted out, pre-emptively answering the question he knew she would ask. Why? Why now? Why change things? Aren’t you happy the way we are?

“Want to what?” she asked slowly.

“Um, you know.” He gestured at the ring. “That.” She held the ring up, as if mocking how they were both being so suddenly awkward about such a little thing. But it wasn’t that little, it was actually a really big ruby! He’d looked into lab grown for ethical reasons but discovered they were significantly cheaper, so he’d gone big. Not tasteless big! But it was a rock on her hand, and with the smaller ones lining the band, that fucker sparkled. He knew she wouldn’t like something too crazy complicated because she tended to only wear simple jewelry, and yes, maybe he should have let her pick it out or talked to her first, maybe she would have liked a diamond more, he’d debated it forever–

“Jungkook.”

“I just think we should get married, ok?”

“This is what you’ve been fidgeting with in your –this is what you’ve been stressing about?”

“I’m not stressing! You’re stressing! What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know, the whole trip, you keep having these moments where you just get kind of quiet and weird and then you’re crabby after for no obvious reason. I thought you were just homesick or stressed about traveling but you just felt… off….”

He swiped the box from her hand mid-monologue and quickly shut it. She didn’t wrestle it back but did stand. Their feet slid on the leaves, and he grabbed her arm and dragged her the short remaining distance back to solid land. She promptly sat down right there on the grass and, what the hell, he sat beside her. He didn’t think she seemed happy. Also she had scraped her knee.

“We don’t have to do it,” he assured her. “We can just get another dog.”

“I didn’t even suspect it was this. You never keep secrets from me. Not successfully anyway–”

“Yeah well. I wanted to um. Surprise you.”

“Oh I’m surprised.”

“Are you really though?” he demanded. “Is it really that surprising to you that I want to marry you? I’m not some twenty-three-year-old idiot anymore.” The moment felt too raw and he quickly added, “In one month I’ll be a thirty-year-old idiot, thank you.”

“You’ve been carrying that around this whole time? You’ve had it in your pocket the whole time we’ve been in Europe? Or did you buy it here– no, when would you have bought it?”

He glowered down at the box and crossed his legs, “I brought it with us… I just wanted to wait for the perfect moment.” His insides felt like they’d liquified at this point. She knew he had the ring. She hadn’t reacted some big excited happy way about it. She hadn’t rejected him yet but he felt like they were on the brink of it; that was an old shadow but he could still summon it when he felt vulnerable with her. He didn’t want to have to beg, that would be too sad even for him.

“And none of the moments were good enough for you?” she snorted, sliding her backpack off and dragging it around to her lap.

“No! I don’t know. I thought I’d ask you in some big cool place while we traveled and then every time it just felt like the moment was more about the cool thing we were seeing. The focus wouldn’t be on the right thing. But then the moments in between have all been so normal or exhausting or busy or just not some big– maybe you wouldn’t think it was worth saying yes.”

“You think I don’t want to get married?”

“I know you don’t really care about it! We’ve never really talked about it–”

“Exactly. You never asked.”

“Well I was going to ask–”

“NO!” she shouted. “No, shut up. Me first.”

“What?”

She shoved her backpack to the side and rolled onto her knee and lifted a box –her own box. Her own fucking box. 

“Jungkook will you–”’

“What! No!” he shouted and scrambled to mirror her position. 

“NO?!”

“Alex, will you marry–”

“Will you marry me Jungkook?”

“Alex.”

“I asked you first.”

“Bullshit you were holding my… are you kidding me right now?” he cackled and fell forward as it fully struck him: Alex had a fucking engagement ring in a white box. On her person. To propose to him. In falling forward he knocked her sideways and they sprawled on the grass, a tangle of laughter. “You have a ring? For me?!”

“Well you were never going to ask me!”

“Fuck that, yes I was!”

“I didn’t know that!” she cried. 

“Why wouldn’t I? I’m always the one who asks!” 

“Fuck off, that’s not true!” She tried to elbow him but he just twisted her arm away and glared down at her as she insisted, “It was my idea to move back in together. And my idea to get Bam.”

“But it was my idea we should date in the first place.”

“No, I had that idea way earlier.”

“Ok but I’m the one who did something about it.”

“Technically I did something first–”

“What, got a shitty boyfriend who wasn’t me?”

“Yeah. Although I guess you were already doing a lot of somethings–”

“Hey now! Well I said I love you first, so–” 

“Ok, well I was doing something about this first!” she defended.

He kissed her. But he started laughing and had to roll to the side so he wouldn’t crush her because the laughter was bubbling out so hard it hurt. 

“Did you really– let me see it,” he demanded, taking the box from her hand and tossing his onto her chest.

“Hey, ouch!”

He sat up and wiped at his eyes and opened the white box. The ring tucked inside was dark gray and silver, textured so that it looked like rock.

“It’s hammered meteorite,” she quickly explained. “I figured you can pick out your own wedding ring that you want to wear forever but this looked cool, kind of like the other rings you’ve worn except nicer.”

“Seriously, this is heavy! Wasn’t it expensive?”

“Jesus, not compared this fucking rock you bought. I only got a glimpse and it blinded me–”

“Well open it and look at it again,” he said. But his own gaze didn’t leave his ring yet, the one she’d picked out. To propose to him. “Why didn’t you propose yet, huh?”

“I thought I’d do it in Greece, on the beach or something. But I kept it with me in case a good moment came up. I didn’t realize it was a race but I’m really happy I won.”

“You didn’t win,” he scowled.

“I asked you first.”

“Only because you saw my ring for you!”

“But you didn’t ask me, for all I know it could be any kind of ring in there…” Her speech trailed off as he reached over to pop the box open again. “God, that ring is way prettier than anything I’ve ever worn. I love that it’s a ruby.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it just feels so… I don’t know. Special.” 

He beamed. That was exactly what he had wanted. He wanted her to feel special. She wan’t just any other woman, she couldn’t have just any engagement ring. 

“Get ready for my mom to tell you how important red is in Chinese culture as if you don’t already know.”

“I know, I thought of that too when I was trying to decide between a sapphire and a ruby.”

“I like the ruby. It’s sexy.”

“It’s lab grown. It’s not like a blood ruby or anything.”

“Yeah, Verizon doesn’t pay you enough for blood– oh my god, is this why you got the second job?!”

“Not all of us lived with our parents and built up savings for a year.” He pulled the meteorite ring out of its box and slid it down on his left ring finger. He wore rings sometimes but never on this finger. It felt bulky and awkward to have a ring there.

She didn’t even notice, still staring at the ruby ring. “I know but… but you could have asked me with something so much cheaper than this. You could have asked me with nothing! Or a Ring Pop or something!”

“I wanted to give you a reason to say yes.”

“You’re the reason to say yes.” She let out a noisy sigh and shook her head. “So pretty but so dumb.”

He clicked his tongue, “Sure, and I’m a good reason, but you’ve said things against getting married and I thought you’d need some convincing–”

“What things? I’m not against getting married! I don’t want a big fussy wedding but… but I want to marry you, Jungkook. Didn’t I say that in ninth grade?”

There it was. There’s what he wanted to hear. His heart gave a final twist in his chest and settled back into a steady beat, warm and comfortable. His stomach stopped tying itself in knots. 

“I want to marry you too.”

“Then let’s get married!” She slid her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into the searing kiss he hadn’t been able to focus on a moment ago. But now he was kissing his fiance, the woman he was going to marry, the woman he already knew he was going to spend his life with but now everyone else would see it too. He pushed her back into the grass, wanting as much physical contact as possible for this first kiss of their engagement. A moment without photos for once in his life; a moment just for them that would live only in their memories. He wrapped his arms around her and rolled with her. 

She squealed beneath him and kicked her little feet, “Ok ok, put the rings on already!”

“I’m already wearing mine, you’re the slow-poke.”

“You already put it on? Let me see. How does it feel?”

“Weird. Heavy.”

“I guess you don’t have to wear it… I know men don’t usually wear engagement rings but–”

“It’s pretty fucking rad. I’m going to wear it.”

His compliment was sincere and she glowed. He understood that feeling. He felt the same warmth as he tugged the ruby ring from the box and slid it onto her stubby little finger. He loved those stubby little fingers. He loved the hands that held his back, and arms that wrapped around him again, and the woman who breathed romantically into his ear, 

“You put your ring on first so I double won.”

“ALEX!”

“Oh my god, do I have to take your name? Alex Jeon? I think you should take mine. Jungkook Song.”

“Just shut up and kiss me.” He pulled her close and kissed her again, running his thumb across the ruby and diamonds now perched on her hand. Kissed her in front of the ruined castle that was probably not even a castle and just some random old knocked down grain storage Kissed her and tried not to cry with relief because he did not want him crying to be part of their engagement story but it looked like he didn’t have any more say in that than he did the moment she’d found the ring.. 

He tucked her beneath his chin and held her close as she gawked again at her ring. “I can’t believe this. It’s gorgeous. I can’t believe I have a ring like this… you didn’t have to go this big…”

“I don’t care. I have no regrets.” 

“It’s so heavy. It feels so weird to have on… is this going to get us mugged?! Maybe I shouldn’t wear it… but I don’t want to take it off.”

“I think we’ll be ok but I got crazy insurance on it too so if something happens just hand over the ring, ok?”

“Aw, babe, that’s so sweet!”

“I wasn’t being sweet, I just know you’re definitely going to lose it or something. You’re going to call me crying from work because you dropped it in the bean grinder–”

“No I won’t! I’ll never let anything happen to it.”

“Ok well… I’m glad you like it…” He was flustered now and glad she couldn’t see his face. He had worried it would be too flashy for her until the last minute. “And we don’t have to do a big fussy wedding,” he added. “We can just do a courthouse thing or we can elope, whatever you want.”

“We’ll figure it out when we get home,” she agreed. Her kiss on his neck gave him a full shiver. “But um… for our honeymoon…”

He chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows even though she couldn’t see. He was going to really fill up that Assport.

“Yeah?”

“I never want to go backpacking again,” she rushed out. “Don’t get me wrong, this trip with you is awesome and I’m really glad we’re doing this but I’m–”

“I’m so fucking tired!” he shouted his agreement. “I just want to be in one place for a while!”

“Yeah! I’m so tired of looking at tourist sites… I don’t even care anymore! We’re going to see the Parthenon in Greece and be like yep, looks just like the pictures… there it is…”

He laughed and shook her side to side, “Yes yes yes. God I’m so relieved you said that. You’re so adventurous on this trip, I thought you’d found a new thing you love and I was going to have to get used to wearing the same five outfits for weeks at a time–”

“And you still wanted to propose?”

“Yeah! I’m really great, aren’t I?”

She laughed and burrowed against his chest, “Yeah, all right, you’re pretty good. But let’s never do this again. Let’s go to Greece and see the Parthenon and then lay on beaches and that’s it.”

“Yeah, like maybe for our honeymoon we just go to one place and stay there for two weeks. A beach or something.”

“Yeah.”

“Just nap in hammocks and I can watch you toddle around in hot bikinis–”

“I don’t toddle.”

“You do after a few pina coladas. Glad you didn’t push back on the bikini. It’s going to be great. I can already close my eyes and see your tit popping out.”

“It’ll be great,” she at least agreed. “Whatever we do. And this trip has been great! I’m really glad we did this. I’m glad we’ll have these memories of the time we backpacked through thirteen countries–”

“We aren’t spending the night in Belgrade though, we’re just connecting trains, right? So I don’t think that counts.”

“It’s seven hours from Zagreb to Belgrade and then sixteen hours to Thessaloniki–”

“God why did we say we were doing trains everywhere instead of flying?” 

“Because we’re stupid,” she laughed. “But we’ve got a private room on the overnight!”

“Oh.” He grinned. “Oh I see. I fuck you on the overnight train, I get the stamp for Serbia– but hey, we pass through like four countries, not just Serbia–”

“I don’t know, that’s a lot of fucking–”

“I think our engagement has refreshed me,” he taunted. “Boyfriend dick was tired but fiance dick is ready to rail–”

Instead of responding to his humor she just gasped, “Oh my god, we’re engaged. We’re meeting everyone in Greece engaged.”

“Yeah? You feel some kind of way about that?”

“Yeah I’m stunned,” she admitted. “I’m so happy, I can’t believe this.” Jungkook felt like his chest would burst open at that point. She said yes! The train rides to get to their last stop would be long, but then they’d have a whole week on Greek beaches with their friends before flying home as a group. And then it was going to be so good to be home. Home with his pup and his fiance.

“I think I have some cake in my backpack! It’s probably squished but we should eat it to celebrate. Should we call home and tell everyone we’re engaged, or just surprise them in Greece? God, I can’t wait to be on the beach as a sexy engaged lady.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You know, bikini, big rock, stud fiance.”

“So you finally admit I’m a stud.”

“I’ll admit whatever you want once you’re Jungkook Song.”

“I am not–” She kissed him and he quit arguing. For now. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered, not the exhaustion or the homesickness or the long train ride ahead. She’d said yes. She’d been wanting it too. In a couple weeks they’d turn thirty and enter a new decade of their lives together, and after that at some point take on the titles of husband and wife as well. Would it feel very different? The thought of calling Alex his wife was good. Really good. He couldn’t wait to call her his wife even if he couldn’t have explained why it mattered so much. It just did. 

“Let’s at least call Bam and tell him,” Jungkook insisted.

“Ok, baby. But you know, Namjoon or Yoongi will have to answer the call for him because he can’t work the phone with his big clumsy paws, so they’ll know. And Namjoon isn’t great at keeping secrets…”

“It doesn’t have to be a secret. That’s the point of the big ruby, right?”

“Hello?” 

They gasped and turned at the voice from behind them. A man in slacks stood by the path with a walkie-talkie. It looked like a uniform, though not police. Still Jungkook leapt to his feet. The man asked the question they were familiar with now in pretty much any language What language do you speak?

“English.”

“Oh. You cannot be here,” the man told them. 

“Ha! I was right,” Jungkook crowed at Alex.

“The path was open,” Alex insisted. “We thought it was ok.”

The man just pointed back, “It is dangerous. You go now. Bye.”

Jungkook grabbed her hand and dragged her along before she could argue further. The man didn’t seem angry or like they were in major trouble or anything, just like they ought to leave. Stupid tourists, he was probably thinking.

Jungkook clutched Alex’s hand in his, distracted by the weight of his engagement ring. He liked that it felt weird right now. It meant something felt physically different, not just emotionally, and he thought it was stupid men didn’t wear engagement rings more often. Why did girls get all the fun? He hadn’t even known he wanted a ring but Alex had surprised him.

“So you want to go to the real Samobor castle?” he asked her as they found themselves back on the road. He knew he was still smiling like an idiot, the flush of getting caught swirling with the flush of a happy engagement. 

“No….”

His eyes narrowed.

“Ok, fine, I do! It’s now or never and it’s not going to be as good as the one we just saw but let’s see it and then we’ll take the first bus back to Zagreb and–”

“Ok,” he cut off her persuasive speech. He pulled his phone out again to check the map. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. We should make the most of our time even if we’re tired. I don’t want you to regret it later. No regrets with me, got it?”

She squeezed his hand, “I don’t have any. I hope you don’t either.” With a wink she set off.

He tugged her hand the opposite direction, “I will if you go that way, it’s the wrong way.”

“No, the map!”

“It’s not a compass, that’s not north.”

“How do you know?” she demanded.

“Wait,” Jungkook decided, seeing the man who’d chased them off coming down the path. “Excuse me! Can you tell us the right way to go?”

“Ah, my hero,” Alex beamed and just ogled her ring, leaving him to figure out directions to the castle he didn’t even care about.

But actually he did care. He understood enjoying the moment to the fullest. He wanted to see everything too. He really did feel refreshed, like he could once again fully appreciate how cool it was to be walking through a town on the other side of the world from home, hand in hand with Alex.

His fiance.

“Hey let’s take a photo together at the castle and pretend I proposed there,” he suggested.

“No way. I’m going to tell everyone the whole story. Falling down the mountain. How you almost lost the ring. How I proposed first.”

“How you led us to a place we weren’t supposed to go?” he pointed out. “And almost got us killed falling down the mountain?” It was an exaggeration. He didn’t care.

Gleefully she pointed out, “How you followed me up and falling down the mountain?”

“Yeah well… I’ll follow you anywhere, I guess.”

“All right, follow me into the next cake shop on the way. You deserve another piece,” she deigned, and patted his cheek with the hand sporting his ring, the result of all his extra hard work and planning. 

“Yeah, I really do.”

“Why did you say it like that?!”

“It’s hard work being your ride or die, Alex. You take me places I’ve never been before–”

“I know! Just think, without me, you’d never even know how much you like prostate org–”

“Heeeey, come on. Why are you bringing that up? We’re talking about cake!”

“Just thinking about what we’ll do if we call it an early night tonight.”

He snickered and assured her, “That’s cute, your little idea, but let’s be real, you’ll be snoring on the bus back and I’m going to have to carry you to our hotel.”

“I seem to remember you were the one who fell asleep after you swore you’d stay awake and made us miss our stop in Austria–”

“Ok but why was I so tired, Alex? Because someone got too drunk our last night in Prague and I was up all night holding her hair back–”

“Yeah what the hell was in those drinks?”

“That you kept ordering?!”

“Well. Oh damn, soon I’ll be able to say ‘well you married me’ as a comeback,” she beamed up at him. “That’s going to feel so good.”

“Yeah. Real good self-burn there. You’re so good at comebacks.”

“Well, you’re the one who wants to marry me, so…”

He let out a noisy sigh and admitted, “You’re right. I’m pretty stupid, huh?”

“Wait! No!”

He leaned down and dropped his voice, “Hey, speaking of cream cake to celebrate–”

“Oh my god, seriously?”

“You’re the one who wants to marry me. Damn, you’re right, that does feel good as an insult.”

“From now on when I want to strangle you, I’ll just gaze at my ruby and remember why.”

“Because you love me,” he grinned.

“Hm.”

“Because you want to spend forever with me.”

“Love my ruby.”

“And me. Say it.”

She rolled her eyes. “And you.” But her smile cut through the playful sigh. She was happy. He was happy. Bam was going to be so happy when they told him too even if he didn’t understand because nothing was really changing, he would just be excited because they were. 

He kissed the top of her head and then pulled the bakery door open for her so they could get a celebratory treat on their way to another fucking castle. Every day was an adventure with this one and he looked forward to a lifetime of them. As long as there was Alex and cake, he’d be good to go. 

And that's a wrap! Thank you so much for every comment, like, reblog, and moment of your time you spent reading my little story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing these two! <3

Story Masterlist || My Writing Masterlist

[whitherwanderer]

.

I have so many fun and ultimately pointless projects right now and I’m excited about all of them but my concentration is Bad! It’s nice to be exciting about things! But it’s also bringing up a lot of anxieties!

I’ve got this custom xaela tribe that me and S&S have been writing since 2019 and I’m slowly throwing more and more information into it as a little worldbuilding exercise. But I’m terrified that people will try to claim it as their own or point out the obvious not-totally-real-world-accurate elements just for the cheap critic shots and I don’t really feel like I can entertain someone trying to give me advice I didn’t ask for.

There’s a Shroud-based horror anthology that’s been living in my head since early this year that I’ve considered fleshing out more and more but I lack the finesse for horror and frankly Shroud RPers can be defensive and I don’t really want to respond to unsolicited criticism about a project that doesn’t really involve anyone else.

There’s the Ala Mhigan V&C dungeon thing I’ve been working on recently too and I’m continuing to poke at it, but frankly I have no idea what to DO with it beyond making it a quick and silly carrd-based choose-your-own-adventure game that also tells a bit of Sif’s story but ??? Would anyone even play that knowing it featured my dumbass OC as the non-combat escort character? Will people be disappointed or mad if I can’t include every Ala Mhigan thing/person/place they want to see or choices they want to make? I mean it’s a CYOA, not a TTRPG campaign, but people sometimes have that “i want to seduce the door” mentality about stuff and you just want to shake them and be like. You’re missing the point.

Also there’s the fact that a carrd based CYOA based on an XIV game mode does not play to strengths of either medium and I would have to accept that either it’s going to be far different from the V&C dungeon structure and therefore more writing-heavy (and therefore more work) since there can’t really be combat, OR some of the choices will be lacking in depth because there’s no combat for choices to have an impact.

AHHHH I am so excited about all of these projects and I would love to DO something with any of them but I always get caught in the same “what will other people think/do and why are my assumptions always that I am going to be tarred, feathered, and dragged through town for the smallest sin” and it is so FRUSTRATING.

Edit: There’s also a five-year show I want to put on with nearly every song I’ve written for Sif since I started writing songs in 2018 but… jfc, do people even want to see that? Is that pretentious? Are people only encouraging me because they want to but they don’t actually care if I do it or not?? I mean, it’s not really a show if there’s no audience…

[carmenized-onions]

Oh gods, I apologize for the long long rambling, but here it goes:

First of all, you are a genius! I can’t believe the way your words were converting to an actual TV scene in my mind d, with cut and editions, the whole thing!

I could see Carmy finding the file with Mike's writing and the pictures and I could feel and see his distress with every picture he saw! My friend you are a genius 🙌🏽

Ok on to the theories:

After reading it again, because the first got me too angry to process anything, it is clear that Tony was pretty involved in Mike’s recovery program, but how much? I didn’t connect the nickname “Chip” until I read in one of the comments that it was because of the chips the program gives to the person once they get to a certain goal, so this makes me think that she was in the program (being a first respondent puts a lot of stress, anxiety and trauma on those poor people) and that is how they met.

And I think they were so close because either she was his sponsor, buuuut, those photos give me the tingles because if he was the one getting the goals then Chip would have made him carry the cupcake. After all, it’s his celebration, so maybe he was his sponsor? And she being in recovery could be the reason she is no longer a paramedic, maybe she got busted and could no longer be one? And would be also the reason she disappeared when Mickey died because she didn’t realize how bad was it for him because he focused on her recovery. Not to mention the hero complex Chip probably has, there is a reason Chip was a paramedic and now is a fix-it-all all 🤷🏽‍♀️

Oh god the next but is going to be so hard and painful… ok last comments:

-Love Richie and his “ I’m trying to be Zen, moment during the almost dinner with Fak”

-RIP the most delicious dish created-never tasted, and F that idiot ex-boss!

-Bless be the "Ratatouille moment”

-“Tina don’t shout at us because we cry 🙈”

-Tony screams at seeing Carmy's hair, we want those beautiful curls back!”

And so much more but this has been long enough, thank you for sharing your story!

And thank you for coming to this TEDTalk ❤️

You will literally never need to apologize for giving critical thought to a silly little thing i wrote and then TELLING IT TO ME THANK YOU MY LOVE!!!

I'm so so happy to hear that you see it as the show, it's exactly what I'm aimin for every time, and I think the stress of this chapter hit that head quite heavy this time.

Incredible line of thought, this ted talk. There's so many little caveats to it, which, I think Phoenix Wright taught me how to bury leads like this. THAT BEING HOW THEY MET WOULD BE WOWOJEFIwoo WOO! Pain. It's been a reoccurring query simply not trusting that Tony really did just quit being a paramedic for her dad and you know what-- good, i've sewed the seeds of mistrust in you all. And that's wonderful. But it would make sense! Can't always fix people, but you can always fix stuff.

oof.

Anyways, CLOSING COMMENTS!!

The amount of restraint it took Rich, you've gotta respect it

I'm almost certain I wrote that cherry lamb section while hungry and i do think that made me make it even more painful. FUCK THAT BOSS!!!

chip and carms first real date will be ratatouille. if they live through this next one.

It's important to be vulnerable with your kitchen and let them know if they raise their voices even slightly you will! have! a meltdown!

There's a reason Jeremy with the slick back is a meme. I know he's also standing like that but he also just looks insane. It's terrible.

NEXT CHIPPIE CHAP IS COMIN OUT AFTER MY LAST SYNTAX READ THANK YOU SO MUCH BABYYYY I LOVE TO GET THESE TREATS IN MY INBOX THANK YOU FOR THE TED TALK!!

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi! Encampment anon again. It's going okay so far, though the police with visible guns circling us is unnerving even though they just say hello and monitor us (while we monitor them). I'm the same anon from ages ago who struggled finding balance and getting overwhelmed at protests and I think I might still have that problem. Yesterday I was working from 4am to 10pm: some time at the encampment, then distributing meal leftovers to unhoused folks around there, then cooking trays of dinner (1/4)

for the campers, helping design pamphlets, and the in-between periods working on my final exams. But by evening when I was cooking I was extremely overwhelmed by the loud and messy kitchen and couldn’t speak to the people coming to transport the food which felt rude, since I was signing to my friend and she was talking for me, even though I could technically have spoken if I had tried more. I know part of mutual aid is community, but the social part of that seems quite hard, even if I am (2/4)

ready and willing to help. I also missed the two fun things I had planned for the day because of how busy it was, and while that’s fine, I’m also not sure how much time I am supposed to be taking for fun when I have exams as well as all this. People helped me yesterday, a lot, and I helped them, but I feel like I should be helping them more and require less support because I technically could. I also can’t really cut back because I will feel terrible if any of these things don’t get done (3/4)

when I could have done them; if food gets thrown away because no one else hands it out, then the waste of food is my fault. But I know thinking like this is not helping me, so I don’t really know what to do. [Also I don’t know if this is relevant but it may inform what advice you give, a counselor has suggested I might be autistic, though I’m not sure whether or not I agree. Either way, even before all of this began I was struggling a lot to keep things together.] (4/4)

Oh also I just realized that I have not slept much, eaten most of my meals, showered, cleaned my room, or such things since this has all begun (like three days or so). So I definitely need to change something about my approach but I can't figure out what. I just forget to do those things, and if I remember I should, I still don't have the energy to. Sorry for the really long rant, you've just helped me a lot with your advice in the past and I need some more help I think. (5/4)

***********

Oh anon - sending you so much love and solidarity. You're doing amazing - and like I said before - you have everything you need.

When I read this - it feels like what you're asking is what am I doing wrong or how can I be better at it? And the answer is, of course, absolutely nothing - there's no need to be better and also it's not really possible. The difficulties you're facing aren't because there's something unique about you that means that you get overwhelmed after working from 4am to 10pm. The difficulties are the nature of organising in this sort of heightened political moment. All student occupations have been people in them who were exhausted and overwhelmed and not eaten or showered.

Moments of collective resistance in political crisis are not times for intentional improvement (you are of course growing and learning and changing - you can't help it). But the only problem you're describing here is your anxiety that you're doing something wrong. And the only thing that you could work on - is gently telling the voices in your head that there's something wrong with you to fuck off. But it's not really the time - it's far too easy get involved with meta anxiety - you already describe being anxious about being anxious

Does it help if I'm gentle with you - and tell you you're doing great. It's not your fault if food is wasted. It really doesn't matter that you haven't tidied your room. And people who haven't showered for three days are more common and socially acceptable political occupations than most of the rest of society - even when people aren't overwhelmed. You describe yourself as accepting help and identifying when you're overwhelmed and withdrawing - that's incredible and not something I knew how to do when I was your age (and for a long time after).

I remember at a time of intense political crisis getting very worked up about whether I was coping well - and looking back and all I can think of how absurd it was that I expected myself to cope at all.

I will give a couple of pieces of practical advice. Prioritise eating - not eating does make things harder. You describe yourself as giving out food, but not eating. What do you need from the situation so that you can eat yourself? If you can't figure it out - can you talk it through with a friend? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of any sustenance is good here. What do you need so you'll eat some food several times a day?

The other is - do you have any friends (or family - but if I understand that's less likely in the US) who are sympathetic, but not involved? I also have vivid memories of going to a friend's house - five days into crisis organising. Hanging out and then going to a movie. That was really replenishing. If you have someone who values the work that you're doing, but isn't part of it - spending some time away from it all can make a real difference.

I guess what both of these having in common is that they're looking after yourself in gentle ways - relying on other people a little bit. Recognising what you need - but also accepting that this is really hard and it's going to have an impact on you and it's OK that it has an impact on you.

Again sending you all the love and solidarity. Don't apologise for the long rant. I loved hearing from you - come back any time.

[keef-a-corn]

This is just me venting

Shoutout to that one person from Instagram that absolutley ruined me ✌️😚

Like thanks babe, I needed to be taken down a peg

Now I thrive with the sheer amount of anxiety I get when it comes to sharing and chatting

Love the way you made me scared to share posts I found that are over a couple months old, or how I get really nervous telling stories that involve anyone outside of the person I’m chatting with.

Love the way you ruined my New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago, making me break down and cry for about an hour because when you told me about an experience I had aligned it with ADHD traits (after being very open about the fact that I have ADHD) and not only did you get mad at me for even implying you have ADHD, but you made me feel extremely insecure about having it myself.

Let’s not forget the way you lashed out at me when I asked you a question about an artwork (it was ‘where’s [X] standing?’ Because the scaling and everything looked incredibly off and I just wanted to understand what was happening)

How about when I got too nervous to share an experience with a creator because I was young, they were older than me, they had more friends, we had been in an argument for about a year, and I couldn’t physiologically take it anymore, then we resolved the issue and you deadass got mad at me.

Oh wait, no.. it was also earlier than that, when you called them something like toxic and I told you that I had never considered them like that before (as in it never clicked for me that they were toxic) and you stopped talking to me and when you did it was just to tell me off- as if I wasn’t the victim in the situation and wasn’t the one that couldn’t recognise how greatly this person had affected me.

The endless uncalled for venting?

OH! How about that time I showed you a drawing and instead of giving any praise or feedback you didn’t mention the drawing and instead asked why I still made Gacha Content, so I gave you a full list on why I do it and your reply was something like ‘Nevermind’ and I asked you why you asked and you still haven’t told me to this day.

What about when I helped you find disgusting CountryHuman art and artists to report, then a few days later you message me saying we can’t be friends anymore if I still like countryhumans, not even just informing me that you don’t like it and giving me the option to leave the fandom or stop being your friend.

Reminiscing on when I got super excited and nervous because I messaged and artist I adored, then we got to chatting and it was super exciting for me, so you actively searched for any reason to hate that artist, and when you found one, I had suggested I can simply ask them to edit the post and remove it, so that it wouldn’t be a hassle, but you kept saying not to bother.

I messaged them anyway, suggesting to remove it and they were more than happy to do so because they’re a normal fucking person who recognised that maybe it wasn’t the best decision, then you got mad at me??

How about when you were super judgemental of my ship [this was countryhumans btw] between Australia and Germany, while you shipped America and Australia. Then my reasoning of just enjoying the places and knowing that there’s peace between them was never enough??

I could never come to you with dramas from my life because you’d either ignore me the whole day, or you’d try to one up me.

Anytime I said anything that upset you, you wouldn’t talk to me for, minimum, an hour, which would leave me stressing and apologising.

These all greatly affected me because now I:

Rarely share and promote posts that are older than a few months, seeing it as me embarrassing myself (I want to get past this, because I know sharing and enhancing with posts are important on platforms)

Get nervous discussing ADHD with people who aren’t diagnosed and feel like I have to purely mention the good things, rather than the everything.

Think I criticise too harshly and feel like no one can use my critics and that they’re useless.

Fortunately I don’t get into a lot of creator drama, but if I do, it takes a while to get support.

Now I get nervous to vent at all. Never wanting to put pressure on being listened to.

I just.. I think about that regularly…

Now I get scared to tell people I’m NOT in a fandom anymore. Never told my ex partner I didn’t like Countryhumans anymore.

Now I get nervous reaching out to creators at all (praise my moots) and have to rely on people coming to me instead.

I managed to get past that one and now have a perspective of ‘if it’s not illegal, go off’

Once again, greatly affected the way I open up to others, even my therapist.

Now I have an incredibly weird relationship with apologising, as it’s lost all it’s meaning.

As I said

Thank you

So much.

I loved experiencing that as apart of being a minor on the internet.

[ina-nis]

The few people that still reached out to me in the past only did so due to fear of me committing suicide - yes, sure, they “care” about me... but it felt more like a “please be alive, don’t do anything stupid” kind of thing, and lot of life “lessons”, unwanted advice and unintentional toxic positivity.

In the end, this is too much work and stress for people to deal with, so they don’t. I don’t blame them, I would walk away too if I could. Why do you think I’m suicidal?

Now that I started telling people the “truth”, that I’m sick and need to stay away. They’re gone. They don’t bother. Good for them. I wish I had that option too!

Deep inside, I wish I mattered to them. Deep inside, I wish they would pick me, go after me and fight for me, even when I don’t, even when I’ll just push them away because I don’t want anyone to be hurt. Deep inside, I wish I would be chosen.

But the reality is that I’m probably very low on other people’s priorities, and that’s nobody’s fault. I’m just some person they know. And for the ones I’m more than that, I feel like it still doesn’t change things. My wounds are too painful and no matter how close they were to me, it was not, never enough.

There’s no point in my resenting people over some connection or relationship that was either non-existent or superficial at best, but felt like something so profound for me - this is why it feels so one-sided, huh?

But yeah! I have to do this on my own! It’s my own problem after all! Only then, I should let people in, because as I am right now, it will just end up badly for everyone involved with me, including myself. I know that way too well.

Here I am trying to solve an issue of loneliness by myself, using stopgaps and distractions. Trying to fill an evergrowing void inside of me with whatever is meaningful to me, exercise, a good diet and sleep habits, hobbies, going outside, being around other people and animals and seeing absolutely no improvement whatsoever because ultimately, I’m still alone and I still feel alone and none of these things have helped alleviate the loneliness because I need something specific that happens to be... none of those things.

It always and only works for a little while... then I need to try again, or to try something else, and so on... the pain is dulled but doesn’t dissipates, my feelings become numb and the emptiness only grows. My needs remain unmet. My desire has nowhere to go and no one I can redirect it to.

Oh, but I tried... I tried using fiction as a medium, I tried the whole fantasy thing and just using about anything I could think about to cope and to redirect my feelings into something else... art, writing, music, and so many other things...

It’s gone now.

The things that I manage to do now feel mechanical and dull, they feel heartless and empty... it’s so ironic, isn’t it? My creative outlets took a hit when they stopped working as coping mechanisms. I try to look on the bright side here and believe that, ok, this sucks and it’s hard but I’ll not be able to go back into hiding or avoidance anymore - I literally can’t, it’s literally not working anymore, and I tried several times in the last few months - I have no other option but address things.

Being alone and dealing with this on my own is making things worse. And trying to not stay alone, and forcing myself to be around others is full of triggers which make me feel even lonelier, and ends up being worse overall.

It’s like I’m going down a path where things get worse and worse... the only options I have at the moment will end up poorly and it’s just a matter of how fast they will “work”. I have to find more options...

I’m really scared I will not get proper help... I’m scared it will go the “social anxiety” route, or maybe the “embrace loneliness” route. Neither have worked for me and I’ve been trying to do the latter for several years now: it obviously doesn’t work.

My longing keeps me going, and so does my desire to get better. I don’t know if there’s a way out but I still feel like I have not exhausted all my options.

I will see this through the end.

[alyjojo]

July 🕶 2023 Monthly - Libra

Whole of your energy: The High Priestess

You’re keeping quiet about options in love, probably because you’re already committed to or involved with someone else. There could be more than two, but I only see two. Your person has competition and isn’t even aware of it, you’d like to keep it that way. You’re quietly mulling over who you even are these days…are you still happy with this person? Does this other person make more sense? It’s all working internally, you haven’t made a decision yet, but by the end of July you’ll have decided.

What’s going on in July:

6 Wands:

You’re in a relationship right now, with someone that is stable, loving, successful in their own life and is someone that makes you feel secure when you’re around them. You trust them. But you’re also getting attention from someone else that’s more of a go-getter & a personal achiever. Could be a Leo, that energy is heavy here, their energy is infectious and you love being around them, or you love the attention you get from them, they make you feel really good. And it really has you up in your head. You’re not sleeping well, you’re constantly worried whether your person is going to find out about your…just conversations so far, from what I can tell. You’re not trying to hurt anyone, you’re just trying to figure yourself out. You wouldn’t be tempted if there wasn’t a reason right? To be fair, King of Wands can do that to a lot of people, it’s their gift. They’re charming, attractive, passionate, fiery, and have no issues taking the initiative to get what they want, and they always know what they want. Can be good or bad, that depends on you. While you do love this person’s energy around you, you’re full of anxiety over the person you’re already committed to.

7 Cups:

You’re aware you have options, this person has made their intentions clear to you. King of Wands isn’t used to hearing “no”, and they can be very persuasive or pushy, which makes you extremely uncomfortable, even if you find that same quality attractive when it’s applied to other things. You know you have to decide, and are stalling, because you don’t know. Really, you know, it’s just this person makes you feel good. You don’t seem tempted to a level of recklessness, more like it’s prompting you to ask the questions you need to ask yourself anyway. What do you need that you aren’t getting? What about this person is different from your person? Is this something detrimental to the connection you have, and are you willing to part with it?

8 Wands:

This is a lot of back and forth communication between you and this King. The Lovers indicates you feel an intense pull towards this person, or that’s one of many things they’re telling you. It could feel like a sales pitch coming from this person, they want to WIN. But…for the right reasons? I don’t get any sense of what that person’s feelings for you actually are, just yours. It seems to be after this flurry of love declarations that you pull your energy back altogether. They’ve officially spooked you, by coming on way too strong. And the guilt is getting to you.

King of Wands rev:

In this way I’m getting you not being passionate, or about that in your connections, it doesn’t drive you, which is pushed further with Ace of Wands rev clarifying. This is a very passionate and sexually motivated King, there is probably something said along those lines that makes you nope. Hard nope. You refuse to rush in passionately towards this person, nor to decide on anything impulsively. You may go from a flirty 8 to a chilly 4 rather quickly. You do feel the things they want you to feel, but you may not actually want those things from them. From the person you’re already with.

Strength:

Ultimately you’re deciding to hold back from this person even more, though I can’t see if it’s nail in the coffin type of over…you’re just restraining yourself, your passion & desire, and any impulsiveness. Either until you do decide to leave your current partner, or because you really don’t want to leave your current partner, who does show up as a soulmate. Resurrection here could show that a refresher of the past just between you two could get things on the path you’d like them to be. They may not be a passionate charmer, but their love runs deep, they match your energy 100% and they’re emotionally very mature. Not being spontaneous and impulsive is a good thing, it makes for a longer lasting and meaningful connection, at least where the Cups pair are concerned. Spirit is throwing some temptation your way, but I don’t have a story here where you actually take them up on it.

666 is in your reading through your oracles Joy, Courage, and 6 Wands showing victory, overcoming obstacles, recognition, positive attention and success. However you will decide to apply that to your relationship will being balance and a lot of happiness, like a fresh breeze in your connection. Maybe that’s the purpose for the whole thing.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Gemini, Cancer & Pisces

Oracles: ✨

42 - Courage

Have the courage to see the lessons in all situations and face them constructively.

40 - Resurrection

Reconsider a project or recall a person from the past to resurrect an idea.

42 Joy 🎉

We are created in joy. The balance of energy and higher vibrations brings us closer to divine love - pure joy. Joy can be a destination, but it can also be the vehicle that you use to get to that destination. Faith, grace, gratitude, and love all merge together, at different times and in different amounts, to create joy. There is love, growth, tears, change, and self-realization in this card. This card portends a happy and joyous time.

We enter into July as:

Saint Apricot 😇

“I’m sorry that I have to take care of myself.”

Saint Apricot comes to you when you have been (or are about to be) freed from a situation that has you chained. This is a lesson in taking care of yourself. It’s a reminder to not give away more than you can, or it will drain you. We are not giving from a place of love if we are giving only to get. People may not like it when we focus on taking care of ourselves, but it is necessary in order to have a truthful relationship with them. If you speak the truth from your heart, then any guilt you feel is from the fear of being disliked. Feelings of shame come up when we feel we are “bad”, guilt comes up when we feel something we’ve done is “bad”. If another person no longer chooses to be in our lives, due to what’s been said or done in total honesty, it’s not our fault, it is their choice. This signifies a turn in your destiny. You are moving in a new direction towards freedom, and this opens the gateway towards more rewarding relationships in life.

What is to be learned in July:

Royal Purple Brick 🧱

“She resists what she clings to.”

The fear of stepping out, of being abused, has grown so great that you no longer need a wall of fear to prevent you from living - a simple brick will do. Which of course symbolizes that what frightens you is much smaller than you imagine. What we resist, we cannot heal. Royal Purple Brick appears when we are resisting something, and may indicate a loss of faith. This is a sign of fear holding you back in some way and preventing you from moving forward. If you are experiencing pain, holding on tighter will only worsen the situation. Fear may also indicate you’re trying to save yourself from a path that will not serve you! Are you following your true passion? Is it divinely guided?

This can also indicate presently using your energy in a self-defeating way. Use your courage to let go of control and allow Spirit to come in and heal you. The promise of Royal Purple Brick is freedom after surrender. In letting go you may feel some discomfort, but you’ll also allow healing in. The fear of something is always greater than the actual event. This time period will be a life changing experience for you. Accept mystery. Release the brick and be free.

Purple may be a lucky color 💜

[rvnwtch]

@craftygamerkm1714 tagged me in a tag game thing!!! Here’s some answers!!

1 Are you named after anyone?

Oh this is a REALLY good question. I don’t think so. I think my parents just picked out a name they liked the sound of. (Which I’m glad for. I don’t need to carry on someone else’s legacy.)

2 When was the last time you cried?

Last night because I was listening to this woman tell a beautiful story and it-it just GOT me okay? (which is impressive, I don’t think I’ve cried from a story since Addie LaRue was early released for book of the month) also whenever I read Song of Achilles I cried for the last 16 pages.)

3 Do you have kids?

No. And I don’t know if I ever will. Part of me wants to be a mom so bad but also… I don’t think I have the patience and I think that’s very grown up of me to realize and not sad at all!

4 Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Every word out of my mouth

5 What’s the first thing you notice about people? 

If they look upset or not. I’m not judging anyone, I’m just shy and debating how to interact with people.

6 What’s your eye color?

Eye color is the color of someone’s irises! They come in a variety of colors ranging from light to dark. Hell maybe some people have no eye color at all. (Remember that sarcasm question?) That would be very badass of them.

7 Scary movies or happy endings? 

I was gonna make up like a super high stakes “I would rather do x,y,z than watch a scary movie!!” But then I decided that was untrue and I don’t want to jinx myself. (The intrusive thoughts started getting me on this one LMAO). Happy endings, when done right, are very nice.

8 Special talents? 

I pick up on things really fast (as long as I’m not anxious or being pressured! Or bored.) I’m just a quick learner so long as I’m interested. 

9 Where were you born?

In a hospital. Probably in an operating room of some sort.

10 What are your hobbies?

I’ve been trying to figure this one out lately. Outside of ESO and reading I don’t do much. I do Like tarot cards, there are some really fun editions out there. And I can’t say any of these things to people I’ve just met! I need more things to do.

11 Do you have any pets?

On Elder Scrolls I have so many pets that my little sibling heard me talking about getting the free Gallen Wisp or whatever it’s called and shouted “I don’t think you need any more pets.” Which is blatantly untrue. I will not rest until I’ve collected every pet in that damn game. My favorite is the wicker fright banekin (but don’t tell the other pets I said that!)

12 What sports do you/have you played?

I was gonna make another joke and say something like “exercise is for the weak!” But that is like the opposite of true so I’ll answer this one. When I was in preschool I “played” soccer. But the coach was mean and I was like four, so I refused to go to the practice sessions or play in the games. I wanted to do volleyball in high school, but I didn’t want people to look at me (being a high schooler and all!) so I didn’t do that either. And I don’t really regret either of those decisions.

13 How tall are you? 

Taller than the tallest mountain peak. I’m so tall that I wear clouds as hats. My goal in life is to always be admired for my pure and authentic height. (Tall for a woman but I will not be sharing anything too identifying on my social media account where I write about video game vampires, Hahaha!)

14 Favorite subject in school?

I’m sure this will come as a surprise, but anything that involved writing! It took less effort than math, and science class has always been hard for me. History was fine, but it had gotten repetitive by high school. I was almost always excited for Language Arts/Reading class. Or any time we got to use class time in the library.

15 Dream job? 

Something that’s partially remote. I wouldn’t mind working from home two or three days out of the week and going in only once or twice. I need something that gets me out of the house, but I’m a major homebody with anxiety so… I need to spend time in my room to recuperate. Also important would be something where people won’t yell at me. 

I’m tagging @simping-master-69 and

@i-simp-for-fennorian !!!