#I can and did fuck a battleship

[tater-t0t]

My wife <3

[persevereforahappyending]

He Hung Up (3)

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader

Summary: You were vaguely aware of Sam yanking you away from the window, pushing you further into the apartment. Sam stood in front of you, looking you over concerned.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Death, Murder

Word Count: 4.6k+

Note: So, this story that was meant to be a one shot, then became a 3-part thing, has now turned into 4 parts.

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

“Let’s play Monopoly!” You smiled excitedly, holding up the box in front of everyone.

Everyone groaned causing you to frown. “Babe, please, it’s been a long day,” Tara said as nice as she could.

You turned, pouting at your girlfriend, giving her your best puppy dog eyes. You knew she could never resist them for very long. You knew she was right, it had been a long day, you went over suspects, got attacked by Ghostface, took a small nap, and now it was nighttime, and everyone was still at the apartment.

“Ugh, fine,” Tara sighed. Everyone else simultaneously groaned, while you smiled wide, jumping up and down. “Only because you got injured trying to protect me.”

You nodded happily. You didn’t care why she agreed to play Monopoly, you were just happy to be playing it. Once Tara agreed, it wouldn’t be long before everyone else agreed.

“I hate Monopoly,” Ethan mumbled.

You paused in taking the lid off the box. You looked to Tara then to Ethan. “That’s exactly what Ghostface said,” you said, squinting at him.

“That’s because Monopoly sucks,” Sam interrupted, plopping herself down in the armchair.

“That’s also what Ghostface said.” You narrowed your eyes at her.

She leaned forward in her chair, glaring at you. You dropped her eyes back down to the box, quickly taking out the board and pieces, laying everything out on the coffee table. You had all the money separated, the properties organized, and all the pieces in the middle of the table for everyone to choose from.

Ethan reached out grabbing for the car piece. You quickly smacked his hand before he could touch it. You snatched up the car, bringing it close to your chest. “I’m always the car,” you said in a serious tone. “You can be the fucking thimble.” You tossed the thimble piece at Ethan who glared at you.

“I’ll be the dog,” Tara said, picking up the dog.

Sam grabbed the battleship, Chad the cannon, Anika the top had, Mindy the boot, and Quinn the iron.

“Whatever, I have econ anyway,” Ethan said. Setting the playing piece down. He shot up from the couch, threw is backpack over his shoulder and stormed out the door without another word.

“Maybe we should invite Danny over,” you said.

“Who’s Danny?” Chad asked.

You smirked lightly when you saw Sam tense at the question. You were the only one who truly knew about Sam’s secret rendezvous with him. You had walked in on them a few times making out in the lobby. For people who wanted to keep their relationship a secret they were quite terrible at it, always hooking up in public spaces where anyone could walk past and see them.

You weren’t going to tell anyone about the relationship though. You knew Sam had her reasons for wanting to keep it secret and you respected that. She would tell the others when she was ready. That didn’t mean you wouldn’t have your fun though. Seeing Sam tense up and glare at you every time she thought you were going to spill the beans was hilarious. You knew teasing Sam did you no favors and it just made her dislike you even more, but you couldn’t help it, she just made it so easy.

“Cute boy from next door,” you answered Chad.

“Yes!” Mindy shouted. “Maybe we can finally get Sam laid!”

Sam glared at Mindy. For once she looked more pissed off at someone that wasn’t you. You tried covering your laugh with a cough. You didn’t need Sam’s death glare back on you. She seemed too busy to catch your laugh though, threatening Mindy with just a glance. Mindy quickly looked anywhere else when she noticed Sam’s glare, leaning into Anika as she took a long sip of her drink.

“I certainly wouldn’t mind the eye candy,” Quinn commented. “I can see into his apartment from my room and let me tell you,” she met everyone’s gaze, smirking. You saw Sam tense slightly, but it wasn’t obvious unless you knew why. “The view does not disappoint. That boy is fine!” she said the last word through gritted teeth, adding a little growl.

You snorted. “Please,” you scoffed. “He may be hot but he’s a huge dork. He definitely wouldn’t complain about being the thimble.”

“Danny is not a dork,” Sam said quickly. Everyone turned, scrunching their brows at Sam. Her eyes widened; she didn’t look at any of her friends, instead choosing to find your gaze. You had a small smile tugging at your lips and just raised your eyebrows in question. She shook her head trying to appear nonchalant. “I mean he doesn’t seem like a dork.”

You openly burst out laughing at that. Sam went back to her usual glaring at you. You continued to ignore it, laughing so hard you fell into a coughing fit. Tara gently patted you on the back and handed you a cup of water. You took it, giving her a thankful nod. You sipped the water, calming down enough that your laugh turned into a silent chuckle.

You couldn’t believe Sam actually believed Danny wasn’t a dork. You knew love was blind but damn you didn’t think it was that blind. The man spent most of his nights ironing his t-shirts. They were freaking athletic type shirts too. That was like the one piece of clothing that never needed to be ironed and yet Danny did it, every night.

Sam had to of been into Danny for his looks at first because there was no way she fell for him by talking to him. Danny was adorable and awkward but couldn’t flirt to save his life. One of the times you had walked in on them in the lobby he was flirting with Sam, and she was giggling so maybe she just liked dorky guys, but you couldn’t help but snort when you heard his pickup line. It instantly caused Sam to glare at you. You were pretty sure the only reason she didn’t turn around and beat you with the mail in her hand was because Danny quickly grabbed it, trying to calm her down.

“I’m sure Danny would love to join,” you said, moving to pull out your phone. “I’ll text him.”

“No!” Sam said quickly. Her saying no didn’t come as a surprise to the others, they were used to hearing Sam say no. You, however, knew this no was different than all the other noes.

“Can we just get this over with?” Tara sighed. You turned to her, mouth hanging open at how she could say something so dismissive about your favorite game. “Babe, I’ve already agreed to play. What more do you want?”

You turned back to the board pouting and grumbling under your breath. You finished setting the board up and then passed out each person's money. You were going to be the banker, but Sam snatched the little plastic tray from you. You raised your hands in defense before peacefully handing her over the property cards. She may hate monopoly but clearly, she was still enough of a control freak to need to be in charge of the pretend money.

You guys had been playing for a few hours and despite their dislike for the game everyone seemed to be having a good time. Sam had ordered a pizza and barely anyone had wanted to get up from the game to go answer the door. Everyone continued to sit around the coffee table, eating pizza with one hand while rolling the dice with the other.

Everyone owned a few properties. You and Sam were the only ones who had all of certain colors and had even started to build a few houses. Tara just rolled, landing on one of your said properties with two houses on it. She pouted, batting her long lashes at you. You smiled sweetly at her; you loved those eyes. You leaned over giving her a soft kiss.

“Pay up,” you whispered against her lips.

She frowned, pushing your shoulder. You broke out into a laugh which caused her to lightly smack you in the stomach. She grumbled about how she couldn’t believe her own girlfriend was actually making her pay. You smirked as she handed you the money, her throwing a glare at you before crossing her arms and leaning back into the couch with a pout. You sat there flipping through the money, making sure it was all there. You may love her but even she didn’t get a pass when it came to Monopoly, you were ruthless to anyone who landed on your property.

After a few more hours it was down to just you, Sam, and Chad. Everyone else had gone broke and had to sell off their properties to either you or Sam but even after getting money from you guys, they quickly lost it again. It was mainly down to you and Sam; Chad was just lucky to still be in it. He had spent a lot of time in jail and owned a couple railroads, the only things keeping him afloat.

“Maybe we should call it a night,” Chad sighed, reaching up to stretch out his back. You and Sam both swung your heads, glaring at him. He stopped mid-stretch, slowly bringing his hands down. “It was just a suggestion,” he raised his hands in defense.

“You just don’t want to lose,” Sam snapped.

“You’re just trying to avoid the inevitable,” you said at the same time.

Sam may hate monopoly and may have been complaining about how long it took at the start, but she was just as competitive as you. You guys had been playing all night and the game was almost over. The idea of quitting now was unfathomable to both of you. How could either of you quit when the end was just in sight.

“It’s after midnight,” he pointed to the clock underneath the TV.

You and Sam both turned to the clock, seeing that it was in fact after midnight, it was approaching two. Anika and Mindy were cuddled up, sleeping on the couch and Quinn had retreated to her room once she lost the game. You glanced to your left and saw Tara sound asleep, curling herself as close as she could get to you. You smiled down softly at her; you hadn’t even realized she dozed off. You and Sam both turned to each other, sitting straighter and narrowing your eyes at each other.

“He makes a point,” Sam said.

“Agreed,” you said.

The two of you kept narrowing your eyes more and more at each other. You weren’t going to forfeit, and you knew Sam certainly wasn’t going to either. You two were at an impasse. You were certain the two of you could knock Chad out of the game in like twenty minutes, but you and Sam were pretty evenly matched, both had solid stacks of money still, close to the same amount of property, and for what one had in property the other made up for in houses.

“Pause until the morning?” Sam asked.

“Okay,” you said slowly.

You two watched each other for another minute before Sam gently set the dice down in the middle of the board.

“Alright,” she said loudly, clapping her hands as she stood up. “Time for bed.” Tara, Mindy, and Anika all jumped awake. “I’ll grab the spare blankets and pillows.”

“We don’t have to stay,” Chad said.

“Yes, you do.” Sam came back into the room with a few pillows and blankets. “It’s late and there’s a psycho after us, again. I’m not letting you go out there alone.”

“Ready for bed?” you whispered to Tara who had sat up but was currently resting her head on your shoulder, wrapping her arm around yours in an iron grip.

She mumbled sleepily and you stood up slowly, bringing her with you. She stumbled on her feet for a second, choosing to keep her eyes closed so she didn’t fully wake herself up. You moved around the table, gently pulling Tara with you, making sure she didn’t bump into anything.

“Hey, wait,” Anika called out, just as you and Tara were about to pass through the kitchen to her room.

You turned, seeing Anika unmute the TV. It was another news broadcast. Your breath caught thinking there might have been another murder, but you were relieved because everyone you cared about was currently safe in the apartment with you. The reporter started speaking, though it wasn’t about another murder, that should’ve made you happy, no one else was dead yet. It didn’t, however, the reporter might not have been talking about a new murder, but he was going on about how Sam was the top suspect.

You didn’t know where the hell those guys got their info from. Sam didn’t do anything wrong. She wasn’t behind the Woodsboro murders last year and she wasn’t behind the current one’s going on. There was absolutely no evidence pointing Sam to any of the murders, she was the victim. People just couldn’t get over the fact that her dad was a serial killer. You didn’t see why that was such a focal point, plenty of serial killers had kids and most of those kids didn’t turn out to be psychos like their parent.

You felt Tara push off from your side. It seemed that the news report had made her wide awake. She moved to the dining room table where Sam sat. You turned away, choosing to pretend to watch the news, you didn’t want to impose on their sister moment. Chad and Mindy quickly joined the sisters, comforting Sam. You smiled softly to yourself at hearing Chad deem them the core four again and say how they were a family.

Sam took the opportunity to mention her hook ups with Danny. The other three cheered and high fived. You had told Sam she wasn’t very subtle; she hadn’t believed you. Turns out you had been right since everyone had suspected them. You took that as your opportunity to slide into the chair next to Tara and join.

“I told you so,” you said, smirking at Sam.

She rolled her eyes, glaring at you before flipping you off. Her reaction only made you laugh more.

“You knew!” Tara screeched, slapping your arm. You yelped in pain. She had managed to smack right where the cut on your arm was. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry.”

“I think I need a kiss,” you said, looking at her with sad eyes. “You know, for the pain.”

She rolled up your t-shirt sleeve, placing a delicate kiss just above the bandage. She then looked up at you, leaning in and giving your lips just as soft of a kiss.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

You could hear the worry in her voice. You knew she didn’t mean to hit the cut. You all had been having so much fun playing Monopoly then picking on Sam. It was kind of easy to forget you had just been attacked. If it wasn’t for the fact that your bicep burned every time you moved it, then you were sure you would have forgotten about the cut as well.

“All better,” you whispered back to her. Placing another quick kiss on her lips.

You swung your injured arm around her back and pulled her into your side. She instantly laid her head on your shoulder. “I can’t believe you knew,” she said again.

“Please, they were so obvious,” you said. Sam threw her hands in the air, leaning her head back as she let out a long groan. “I caught them in the lobby so many times. I’m surprised none of you ever saw them.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” Tara looked up at you with that adorable pout she used when she specifically wanted to make you feel guilty about something. “I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each other?”

“Wasn’t my secret to tell love.” You smirked down at her, she just rolled her eyes, moving her gaze back to her sister and friends.

Sam’s phone started ringing with Danny’s picture popping up. Tara quickly leaned out of your grasp, snatching the phone from Sam’s hands. She held Sam back with one arm while she used the other to bring the phone to her ear, pretending to talk to Danny.

Sam eventually got the phone back from Tara, choosing to ignore Danny, saying she’d call him back. You knew that was a smart decision for her because if she had answered she would be throwing Danny to the wolves with all of you around. There was no way you or any of the others wouldn’t have ripped that phone back out of her hands and given Danny shit for all the sneaking around.

A few seconds later after everyone’s laughter had died down, everyone’s phone went off at the same time. You turned back seeing Anika reaching for her phone on the coffee table, she had also gotten a text. You all opened the message at the same time, seeing a picture of Ghostface in Quinn’s room, holding her against himself as he was about to bring a knife down into her stomach.

Everyone shot to their feet at the same time. Tara ran towards the bedroom door. You were quick to yank her back by the arm before she could reach the handle, pushing her behind you, towards Chad. Everyone stood frozen, hearing Quinn’s scream and stuff crashing around before everything went silent.

“Run,” Mindy whispered.

The door to Quinn’s room flung open. Quinn’s body came flying out, crashing into Anika, knocking her to the ground. You saw Chad keep hold of Tara’s arm, dragging her out of the apartment with him.

You were about to follow after them when Ghostface jumped in your path, sliding into the door so it slammed shut. He stood between you and the door, swiping his knife at you. You jumped back dodging each of the swipes.

Sam ran into the kitchen, searching for a knife or weapon of some kind. Ghostface moved to follow but you charged at him. He pushed you back with one arm while the other came around, trying to stab you in the side. You turned to the side, the knife just missing you.

Ghostface stomped forward, grabbing Mindy by the shoulder the plunging the knife into her side. Anika, still on the floor, grabbed Ghostface’s ankles, trying to trip him up and get him to release Mindy. Ghostface crashed to the floor. You took the opportunity and pulled Mindy behind you. Ghostface turned crawling on top of Anika before stabbing her in her side, choking her with his other hand as he did so.

You grabbed him by the cloak, intending to yank him off of her. When he got to his feet again, he spun around, swinging his knife. You barely dodged it again, somehow managing to keep a grip on his shoulder as well. He pushed you back until your back was against the wall. You each had a grip on each other’s shoulders, you trying to keep him as far away from you as possible, while he tried to use his grip to pull himself closer.

He gripped his knife tightly, bringing it up, aiming for your chest this time. You used your other hands to catch his arm with the knife as it started to come down.

“Sam!” you shouted.

“All the knives are gone!” she yelled back.

“Sam!” your grip slipped, the knife coming closer to your chest before you tightened your grip again. “Sam!”

Sam didn’t answer you; she ran out of the kitchen with the wooden block that usually held all the knives, smashing it into Ghostface’s head. You pushed him off you while he was disoriented.

Sam grabbed Mindy while you got Anika and ran through the apartment into Quinn’s room. As quickly and gently as you could you sat Anika on the bed. Sam pushed Mindy towards the bed before turning and locking the bedroom door just as Ghostface appeared, banging on the door.

“Bathroom,” Sam whispered, nodding to you as she moved a desk in front of the door. You ran towards the bathroom, nearly tripping on the mess of clothes and blood on the floor. You passed through the bathroom, seeing one of Quinn’s hookups lying in his own pool of blood in the tub. You got to the door, the same time as Ghostface did. You tried slamming the door on his foot, but he slammed his body into the door, pushing his way through.

You quickly abandoned the door, running back to the bedroom to get that door. You turned to close the door, with Ghostface right behind you. You almost had it, but Ghostface got his arm through, slashing blindly at you. Sam quickly joined you, helping you hold the door until Ghostface yanked his arm back. With the door firmly shut you and Sam moved the dresser in front of it.

“Hey,” you nodded towards the window where you could see Danny waving his arms from his apartment.

Sam ran across the room, opening the window. “I don’t know what to do!” she shouted at him.

“I got you,” you heard him yell back.

“Are you serious?” you heard Sam ask before seeing part of a ladder come through the window.

“Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me,” you mumbled. “Is he serious?” Sam shrugged. Ghostface slammed into the door, causing the dresser to move. You braced yourself against the dresser, trying to get better footing to hold it in place. “Go!” you waved her to go out the window.

Sam looked back at you hesitantly then Mindy and Anika.

“Go,” Mindy said. She was holding a hand to her own wound while also trying to comfort her girlfriend. “We’ll be right behind you.”

Sam nodded, eventually making her way out the window and across the ladder. You heard her shout for the next person.

“Go,” Mindy said, nodding at you.

“Like hell,” you said, struggling against the dresser as Ghostface remained relentless. “I got this,” you nodded back at the door. “Go.” You did not think you actually had it, but you needed Mindy to get across the ladder.

Mindy sighed, giving Anika one final kiss before she made her way across the ladder. You closed your eyes, focusing on using all your strength to hold the dresser against the door. You didn’t open your eyes again until you heard Sam call for who was next.

“Anika, go,” you said.

“I can’t,” she cried, shaking her head.

“You have to. Please, I need to hold the door.”

“Nonononono.

“Anika, please,” you tried pleading with her.

“Y/N just go, I’ll be right behind you.”

“No.”

“Y/N, go.”

Anika stumbled over towards you, grabbing your arm and pulling you away from the door and towards the window. The two of you stood at the window, seeing the others safely on the other side in Danny’s apartment. You leaned your head out the window, looking down at the ground, it was one hell of a drop. You were seriously hating the fact that Sam chose an apartment on the top floor. Tara had told you Sam had only searched for apartments on top floors, she had said it would make them safer, she had also only looked at buildings with stairs. You understood it, you truly did, but also damn her paranoia.

“Go,” Anika cried again.

“Come on!” Sam shouted. “You got to move.”

“Anika,” you tried again.

“Go!” she shouted, for the first time since you met her, you could hear anger in her voice. “Please, go. I’ll be right behind you,” she assured you again, her voice back to being soft.

You reluctantly nodded, climbing out of the window and onto the ladder. You were never one to be afraid of heights but something about climbing from one apartment to another across an unstable ladder at least twenty feet in the air while a psycho tried to kill you was absolutely terrifying. You stared straight ahead, focusing on Sam and the safety of Danny’s apartment. Your breath caught in your throat with every shift of the ladder underneath you. Before you knew it, you were at the other side and Danny was pulling you through the window.

You instantly joined Sam and Mindy at the window, calling Anika over. It took a lot of coaxing, but Anika finally got on the ladder, slowly making her way over to you guys. She was in the middle of the ladder when your eyes widened at the sight behind her. Ghostface had gotten into the room and now he stood at the window, he impaled his knife in the windowsill before grabbing the ladder.

“Wha-what?” Anika whimpered.

All of you started shouting at her to hurry, encouraging her as best as you could while trying not to panic her even more than she already was. Anika glanced behind her, catching the sight of Ghostface, she began sobbing, shaking her head that she couldn’t do it. Mindy kept encouraging her, telling her she would be fine, and they were all right there waiting for her. She slowly started moving again when Ghostface lifted the ladder, shaking and rattling it, doing everything in his strength to get her to fall.

Anika was almost there. You and Sam both had your arms stretched out, trying to grab hold of her. Her fingers kept grazing against Sam’s, but Sam couldn’t get a good grip on her. With one final toss Anika went over the side of the ladder.

You reached out, stretching half your body out of the window but you managed to grab her, gripping onto her forearm. You held onto the windowsill with your other hand, trying to keep yourself steady as you held her up. Your arm was burning, you could feel your stitches ripping at the strain being put on your arm. Mindy and Danny held onto you trying to make sure you didn’t go out the window as well. Sam leaned over, trying to reach for Anika to help pull her in.

Anika’s grip slipped, her hand sliding down your arm before latching onto your hand. You groaned, gritting your teeth. You caught the slight sight of blood dripping down your arm out of the side of your eye from where your stitches had certainly fully come out.

“I got you,” you said through gritted teeth, looking Anika in the eye. “I got you.”

Her hands were so slick from her own blood, she started to slip out of your grasp again. You tightened your grip as best as you could. It wasn’t any use, her hand slipped, and you were only holding her by your fingertips. You saw her eyes widen with fear at the realization of what was about to happen. Your fingers gave out and you watched as she fell.

You saw her mouth open; you didn’t hear her scream though. You weren’t sure if you screamed. Everything was so quiet. Your eyes never left her. Your eyes never left her body as she smacked into a dumpster then fell onto the pavement.            

You were vaguely aware of Sam yanking you away from the window, pushing you further into the apartment. Sam stood in front of you, looking you over concerned. Her mouth was moving but you didn’t hear any of the words she was saying. You let Anika fall. Anika was dead. You had her in your grasp and you weren’t strong enough. She literally slipped through your fingers. It was all your fault.

[gingerlee-holds]

OK SO!!! I had the cutest idea :3 Peter (one) and reader are either silly besties or dating or both :3 and they are both crazy tired drunk considering it’s past 3 am and because of all the silliness they get into a tword fight! (Possibly more Lee reader cause I feel like Peter would be feral when hyper and sleep deprived 🤣) and eventually Tony comes in and is like wtf is wrong with you two idiots?? GO TO BED!!! (Secretly loves seeing his kids all giggly and adorable :3 🥺❤️) and then they both end up crashing and getting sleepy but they are still a little giggly about some jokes/moments which leads to more tickles and it’s like sleepy cuddly giggly tickles 😭❤️ and then they both get supppperrrr sleepy and end up falling asleep in each others arms with smiles on their faces and tony comes back in cause he’s scared the children are dead 😂 and sees the adorableness and proceeds to post it to the avengers group chat and it ends in them waking up being like WHO THE FUCK TOOK A PICTURE OF US!? 🤣 (ok definitely mutal pining/idiots in love but they just don’t admit it yet 🥹)

okayokay so this was kinda just written with you in mind teddy xD i love ya and i hope you enjoy this silly lil fic!!

Feral

Words: 1,275 Pairing: Ler!Peter1, Lee!Reader Warnings: whoooole lotta fluff heehee

“Uno!” you called out. You grinned to yourself as you glared playfully over your final card at Peter, who had somehow collected fifteen cards throughout the game. His eyes squinted suspiciously as he hesitantly placed down the yellow three before he jolted backward in shock when you slammed down the red three, winning you the game.

“C’mon!” Peter fell sideways onto the carpet with a groan. “We’ve been doing this for five hours! How have I not been able to win even once?”

“I’m just too good!” You giggled as you playfully hit his shoulder. Looking over at the clock on the wall, you saw he was correct: it was past three in the morning, and not another soul was stirring in the entire Avengers tower. Both of you had been blinking sleep from your eyes for a while, but neither wanted to go to bed. Most of the other heroes had missions they were absent for, but the few still at the tower were fast asleep.

Peter yawned, bringing your attention back to him. It was so rare that you two spent so much time with each other. You missed the messy-haired hero a lot when he wasn’t around, and now that you two had the weekend mission-free, you were utterly adamant that you would make the most of it. You yawned, too. The stubbornness that made you such a valuable addition to the team was matched only by the spiderling. Grinning, you picked up the cards and began to reshuffle them.

“No, please, no more,” Peter whined sleepily, smiling despite his tone. “Can we play something else?”

“Like… Battleship? You know I’m always down to beat you again,” you giggled and stuck out your tongue. The two of you may have been on par with stubbornness, but you had him and everyone else soundly beat when it came to board games, to the degree that Tony insists you’re somehow cheating. 

“Absolutely not! I’d rather take a hive of wasps,” Peter grumbled, sitting back up with a huff. He hummed in thought before grinning. “I know a game we can play.” 

You tilted your head a bit, interested. “What did you have in mind?”

“Close your eyes for a second.”

Doing as you were told, you closed your eyes, sitting perfectly still and trying to guess what Peter was doing. Unfortunately for you, Peter was among the stealthier Avengers, something he demonstrated when you felt his hands grab you from behind, scribbling over your tummy. 

“We should have a tickle fight!” Peter giggled into your ear as you erupted into bubbly laughter. “This is a game I know I can win!” 

“YouhuhU LihIhihIttle ShihihIhihit! GehehEHet OhohohOFf!!” You kicked your feet, sending Uno cards flying all over the room. Peter wiggled his fingers up to your ribs, and your laughter kicked up a notch as you thrashed about in his grasp. 

“I’ll do no such thing! I’m stronger than you, little cutie!” 

Your face instantly began heating up. Whether or not the tease was intentional, it was extraordinarily flustering to hear from Peter Parker. You swatted at his hands as you squeaked, and, so experienced to losing tickle fights, Peter knowledgeably grabbed one of your wrists and held it up so he could scribble in the hollow of your underarm, making you shriek in surprise. 

Suddenly, you both heard the unmistakable sound of a middle-aged man clearing his throat in disapproval. Looking over, you both saw a very grumpy Tony Stark leaning against the doorway. 

The silence hung in the air for a while before Peter whispered, “You can almost see the smoke coming out of his ears,” and the two of you burst into hysterical giggles. 

Tony groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose in fond agitation. “I would ask what you two kids are doing awake this late at night, but I don’t want to know. Bedtime is now-time.” He pointed to the two twin beds in either corner of the room, then folded his arms over his chest. “You two have got to start going to bed on time.”

Peter giggled a little more, saying, “But that would be such a stark difference from what we usually do!” His pun made you both again dissolve into sleepy, senseless laughter. 

Sighing, Tony again cleared his throat. It was very obvious to all the other inhabitants of the tower that Tony utterly adored the two youngest members of the team. He was clearly struggling to speak seriously before the two giggly children on the carpet. “Peter,” he said firmly, giving him that look that the spiderling instantly took to mean he had reached the limit.

“Yes, Mr. Stark. Sorry, Mr. Stark. We’ll go to bed right away, Mr. Stark.”

Tony grinned wearily and nodded. “I’ll check back in half an hour. If you two aren’t asleep by then, I’m changing the Wifi password.” With that, he left and shut the door behind him.

It turns out the two young heroes didn’t even have the strength to make it into their beds. Still in a clingy mood from your tickles, you held onto Peter’s arm tightly, and both of you made a concerted effort to reach his bed, but in the end, collapsed onto Peter’s bean bag. You both yawned simultaneously, giggling about Peter’s bad jokes. 

The spiderling smiled, encouraged by your giggles. His hand slowly reached down and began tracing up your side. “The itsy bitsy spiderrrr…” Peter mumbled, slurring his words in exhaustion. 

You felt your face heating up again and scooted away from his hand, inadvertently snuggling closer to Peter. “Dohohohon’t!”

“Dohon’t what, cutie?”

Whining, you were too sleepy to squirm away as he continued gently tracing your sides. “Tihihickle meeee…” you mumbled.

“That’s what I’m doing, silly~!”

You huffed and buried your face in his shoulder. “Jeheherk!” Although you didn’t say so, the tickles were very relaxing, almost lulling you to sleep -more than almost. When his breath finally evened out to sleep, you didn’t stand a chance. Both of you were out like lights. 

Tony walked back in, expecting to deal with more patented Peter Snark. To his surprise, he saw the two little heroes tuckered out on the beanbag, holding each other tightly with big cozy smiles on both of their faces. Tony pressed a button on his glasses, taking a secret photo, before pulling it up on his phone to send to the official Avengers group chat, followed by a heart emoji. He yawned and shut the door behind him. Going to sleep sounded like a pretty good idea.

The chipper chirps of midday birdsong were interrupted by a shriek of embarrassment. “Wake up. Peterpeterpeter, wake the hell-!” You shoved at his shoulder frantically, not looking up from your phone.

The spiderling jolted awake, mumbling a Star Wars reference that was quickly cut off by a gasp when he looked at his phone. It was noon - they were supposed to be awake for combat training five hours ago! But that wasn’t the worst: the Avengers group chat had been active. He looked back through the messages, his face redder and redder as he read through the messages filled with the other Avengers gushing over the adorableness of the two young heroes. Peter finally reached a message from Tony, and upon seeing the image of the two of them snuggling together, he looked up, wide-eyed, at you. You looked at him right back. 

A heartbeat.

Cuties.

You both cleared your throats and stood, quickly running to prepare for training. However, you not-so-subtly saved the image to your camera roll, making you smile every time you saw it. 

[undrrcxxt]

Chocolates

james potter x reader

summary: so idk if you guys have seen these chocolates things going around on tiktok, it’s like chocolates that make you horny ig?? and i was thinking like.. what if reader and james were to share the chocolate… so that’s what i wrote ahah

tw: smut(18+ please!!) chocolates that make you horny, oral (both m and f receiving), fingering, if you really really squint there could possibly be a breeding kink. unprotected sex(wrap before u tap) very rushed ending i’m sorry, no aftercare but only bc i was too lazy to write it.

authors note: this is my first full length fic😝 any tips are greatly appreciated! (gif is not mine)

wc: 1327

You ran back to where James was sitting, the box of chocolates in your hands. The boy was giggling and you had a big smile on your face. “What game do we play while we wait for it to kick in?” You asked, getting a piece of the chocolate out.

“Uhhh, how about battleship?” James suggested, getting up to go get the game. “Works for me,” you agreed and broke the chocolate apart. You grinned, not knowing the exact outcome of this little chocolate, but knowing enough from your research.

James came back with battleship in his hands and began setting it up while you slid over the other half of the chocolate. When he was done setting up he gave you the infamous James Potter smirk. You giggled and held up your half of the chocolate, “Cheers.” you both said and ate the sugary treat.

“How long does it take to kick in?” The boy asked, still chewing. You swallowed your piece before answering, “not sure? 15-20 minutes i think?” He nodded and took a swig of the water next to him. “Okay okay, set up your ships then! we probably don’t have a long time to play,” he finished with a wink that had you blushing and rolling your eyes.

You sat there putting your ships in different places before you got the best idea, “James, let’s make in a challenge.” He perched up, “sorry?” you chuckled, “the chocolates, whoever gives in first loses.” James Potter, who loves a good challenge, obviously agreed.

—

20 minutes have passed and a certain bespectacled boy was flushed in the face. And a certain girls panties were absolutely soaked, but you let out a laugh. “You okay, Jamie? you look a little red..” “F-fine!” the boy huffed out, his cockiness somehow gone. “how many ships have you got left?” he asked, trying to distract himself. “All of them baby,” you giggled, “how about you?” James frowned, “three..”

You smirked, thinking he’s about to loose the challenge, “do you wanna stop?” James lifts his head up, but when he catches your gaze he shakes his head. “I’m going to win this challenge y/n,” he said, his cocky demeanor coming back out. You nodded and called out another spot, taking yet another one of his ships.

He groaned and ran his hands through his hair, “i’m about to call quits, honestly. This is bloody hard.” You take a sip of the water, “what? battleship or how bad you want me?” you flirted, batting your eyelashes. James breathed out heavily, “both??” “You can always lose,” you said in a sing-sing voice.

And that’s exactly what the boy did. “Yeah, fuck this.” you let out a giggle, but before you could say anything James was on your side of the table kissing you and trying to rip your shirt off. “J-jamie wait, let’s go to the bed room first,” you said, pulling away.

He shook his head, diving back in for another kiss. “Can’t wait dove, i need ya so bad. m’aching.” he whined, kissing down your jawline. You breathed heavily, “okay okay. take your shirt off baby, i wanna see you.” The Potter didn’t waste a second, after he ripped his shirt off, he made quick work with your own.

While he was massaging and kissing your tits, you were fumbling with his belt, “can’t seem-“ you huffed out, James biting on your nipple. “Can’t seem to get it off.” you whined at James chuckle. “Need some help dove?” you nodded, eyeing his hands when he was undoing his belt, and pulling down his jeans.

The man didn’t have time to touch you again before you were spitting on your hand and making work with his already hard cock. He grunted, his hips thrusting themselves into your hand. “Get on your knees baby,” he said, backing up to give you room.

You slowly crawled down from your chair, giving James a little show of your tits. “Fuck dove..” he groaned, grabbing your hair into a makeshift ponytail. You smirked up at him before licking kitten strips up his length. He hissed, his hips once again having a mind of their own and bucking into your face.

You giggled, taking his tip into your mouth and sucking. “merlin..” james groaned, and threw his head back. That only spurred you on more, and you took as much of his cock as you could. you moaned around the boys length, sending vibrations up his spine.

James pulled your hair, telling you to get back on your feet. “my turn,” he smirked and pushed you back on the chair, getting down on his knees himself. he dragged your underwear down to your ankles and started kissing your thighs. “Jamie-“ you whined, loosing patience. “what dove? you want my tongue?” you huffed out, nodding.

James quickly flattened his tongue over your cunt, and you drew in a quick breath. He licked all the way up until his lips latched on to your clit and he started sucking, “oh, shit..” you huffed, slouching down in the chair. He soon added his fingers to the godly mixture, starting with his middle finger. He fucked your hole slowly, sending shivers up your spine. “James,” you moaned, “faster. oh my god faster, please.” James isn’t a man to deny his love, so he did what you asked, and added a second finger.

In a matter of seconds you were coming around james fingers with a high pitched moan. James chuckled, slowly easing his fingers out of you. Before he could say anything, you leaned forward and tugged on his hair, bringing him up to kiss you. He groaned into the kiss, slowly tugging on his now painful cock. “Jamie, i need you inside me.” His eyes rolled back to his head, “fuck.. okay darling, anything you want.”

He lined his cock up to your cunt, and slowly thrusted in. You both drew in a short breath, you leaning your head back into the chair. James bottomed out and waited for you to give him the go ahead. “okay jamie, you can move.” you said, in lightly high pitched voice. He slowly started thrusting in and out of you. “faster, baby” you moaned and the boy wasted no time fucking you into oblivion.

“God baby, i didn’t know how much longer i could last. I don’t know how that chocolate did all this, but fuck..” he let out a short breath, “but fuck am i grateful.” he finished. You just moaned in response, the work he was doing with his cock made you unable to form complete sentences.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” you let out, when james hit a particular spongy spot inside of you. “Yeah, you like that sweetheart?” He chuckled, but faltering into a moan of his own when you squeezed around his cock.

“James.. i’m close..” you squeezed your eyes shut, your legs starting to shake. “mmm okay baby, wanna come with me? wanna squeeze that cunt around my cock while i fill you up?” he said, all huskily, right in your ear. “Oh fuck yes,” your eyes rolled to the back of your head, and when james started circling your clit with his fingers, you were done for.

“Cmon baby, come on my cock.” Those words alone could’ve made you come, and they did. Your eyes flew open and you started rocking against the chair, trying to meet james’s thrusts. The boys mouth flew open, a very pornagraphic moan escaping his lips from the look on your face. His hips stuttered and he came not long after you.

“Holy shit,” you laughed, James following along in your laughter. “That’s some intense chocolate,” he said, slowly pulling out of you. You both winced. You tugged on his hair, bringing his lips down to yours. “love you,” you said breaking from the kiss. “love you too darling.” James pecked your lips once more, “now.. i’m gonna go find a rag.”

[lensman-arms-race]

Episode 77 part 3 and 4

(I was going to make a post with parts 3 and 4, but ran into the Tumblr image limit! I'll make another post about part 4.)

Previously: Episode 77 part 1, Episode 77 part 2

DFB has given us TV-simps some delicious food!! And I had five asks about this! Spoilers under the cut.

Pile of asks:

Anonymous:

Now that episode 77 is done what do you think is the 'plot twist'? I found 'hardware heads were human' from part 2 to be a lot more shocking than G-Man helping The Alliance.

@some-girl-i-guess-1

Did you see the new episode? What are your thoughts about it?

@gamie99

I love reading your episode reviews because you always have so much to say! And I'm sure you have SO many thoughts about this one, because HOLY COW.

Anonymous:

The latest part of the episode was pretty crazy what did you think about it? What do you think will occur in the full episode?

@love-draw-fanart

After watching 77 part 4, I started imagining Titan-TV fighting with his ghost if his body was destroyed 🤣🤣🤣🤣 very, veryyyyyy "you can't kill the death"

Part 3:

I'm a little disappointed that Cam Matriarch appears to have lost her tortoise mode + flechette cannon, because that was what made me love her in the first place! The flying cannon replacement is pretty cool... but it's sad how all the cute robots are becoming badass rather than cute.

Wonder what the 'there are 3 Polycephalies' crowd will have to say about this? Will they think there are 2 Cam Matriarchs?

The distant 'hee hee' at this point was funny as hell! I do love how Boom breaks up tension with funny parts like this.

Not only has Cam Matriarch inherited Plunk's weapons, but also his idiot ball, apparently. Mate, you can't defeat that bastard, he's like a fucking battleship.

See, TV Matriarch agrees with me... Wait... there's absolutely no need for TV Matriarch to put her hand on Cam Matriarch's boob - she's copping a feel!

Also, holy crap, how have I only just noticed Cam Matriarch's goth boots?

Polycephaly, my beloved! And what an entrance! I swoon!

My earlier point about robots becoming badass but losing some of their cute appeal still stands. The head upgrades make sense tactically but they're uncute. And my boy's lost his cuddly tendrils! Now he's got Ass-tro tech bolted on him.

Also he looks goofy with his tie tucked into his trousers instead of his waistcoat. Boo.

There was a visual glitch at this point in which Buzzsaw's helmet temporarily despawned, but Boom appears to have fixed it.

"Someone is dying... and it's not me." OUGGGHHH HOLY CRAP!! Titan TV, my beloved!!

Also he flares out his back-spikes at this point and it's so good, hnnnngh.

Fuckin' no-sells the Astro projectiles.

Interestingly, Titan TV now appears to have the ability to fire off little 'pellets' of energy from his core instead of just a huge-ass blast (note hyphen position; that's huge-ass blast, not huge ass-blast).

After swiping away the Astro projectiles, Titan TV proceeds to get one of his monitor extensions chewed off. Oops. He seems strangely unbothered by this! It almost looks as though he turns his head towards the Astro to let it happen.

Excellent Astro grump face:

"Look at me!" (Okay, but why didn't you do that before Matey Boy bit your screen off?)

Goddamn, I love what Boom does with Toilet expressions; they're hilarious!

Decapitation!

Unfortunately, some other fucker arrives and manages to both deplete the Titan's back-spikes and smash his main screen.

The Astro strider appears to break the Titan's screen by getting behind his head and then suddenly pushing his head forward. Did the Titan's screen break on his own core-spikes? Or just from the stress on his head-casing?

The Titan does appear to catch the Astro in his back-spikes (and then fling the Astro away), which presumably is how the Astro breaks some of the spikes off.

"Your Titan wouldn't want you to die meaninglessly. Leave, while you still can." TVs are rude fuckers but they do still care about their comrades! That's why I love them best.

This prick shows up. I get the feeling they were muttering 'If you want something done right, do it yourself'. This Astro fights more competently than the last two.

Fortunately, Titan TV is saved from total annihilation by the Cams firing a shot from their tank, which buys the Titan enough time to counter-attack... and say a very curious line.

"You can't kill the dead!"

Is this just trash-talking, or an actual lore drop?? "I'll show you what the other side looks like!"

Is this an implication that TVs come from dead humans (or believe that they do)? Maybe TVs believe that they're already dead, because the state of the world is so shitty that it must be already Hell?

Or maybe this is just like Pete Weber, who got so excited bowling that he ended up saying "Who do you think you are? I am! Dammit right!"

Either way, we're treated to one of the most brutal deaths in the series, in which Titan TV crushes the Astro's head in his bare hands.

Polycephaly comforts the dying Cam who managed to fire the distracting shot. "You did well, lil bro." My heart!

"We teleported everyone to base." Except POV Cam, because they smell.

Also where's your head-turrets? (I hope Boom puts them back in the full episode.)

Titan TV is wrecked but is still spoiling for a rumble. Part 3 ends with him calling out the arriving Astros as 'pathetic trash' and demanding to fight Juggernaut. (One detail I liked here is that we hear the rhythmic clanking sound of Titan TV's core claws, rotating but no longer smoothly. It's rather like the ominous ticking of a clock signalling impending doom.)

Wait... if he has no working TV screens, he's not Titan TV Man. He's just Titan Man. Ehehe.

It's a little surprising how 2-dimensional these fights are - as in the characters stay in one plane close to the ground, even though they can all fly. I suppose we'd have to wait even longer between episodes if Boom had to choreograph swooping aerial fights!

[paingoes]

Rubies

Settling

(Content: living weapon whumpee, conditioning, past abuse, brief hanging/death mention, brief nsfw talk)

“Home sweet home,” Apollo coughed up the dust that had rained on him just as soon as he’d crossed the threshold. Delta trailed quietly behind him.

Despite Apollo’s warnings about the house, Delta couldn’t find much wrong with it. Apollo had assumed he was very accustomed to the luxury that Empire’s elite resided in and had been rather apologetic about the downgrade. That assumption was correct, but Delta had very rarely been inside anyone’s actual house before. He had no real point of comparison. For what it was, it suited him just fine.

The verdict had been passed down just yesterday. Iza’s crew were all free to go; they had just been following her orders. Iza herself was on unpaid leave for a month, after which she would probably be reassigned to somewhere in Antartica until Levon decided she’d had enough. Kitty and Apollo had both been given two months of unpaid leave. Delta was to stay with them during that period.

“It’s not the worst thing in the world,” Apollo had said to Delta when the two of them were alone, “Me and Iza have somewhere to stay. He’s just docking our pay, which wasn’t that much to begin with. It’s kind of a fucked up thing to do to Kitty, though. Levon knows she doesn’t have a place.”

Delta nodded. The same conduct within Empire would invariably be met with death by hanging. He did not mention this. 

Kitty dragged the suitcase into the house just after them. She sneezed the same way kittens do — a sharp, soft sound. 

“Bless you. Yeah, it needs to be cleaned,” Apollo acknowledged, “I really didn’t think it’d been that long since I stopped by. Time flies, I guess.”

Delta nodded. It would be difficult with his arm in the cast, but he was used to working through injuries. It was more common than not, as of recently. He drifted around the kitchen island and knelt down to retrieve the chemicals from the sink. Apollo and Kitty had both disappeared by the time he rose up again. 

He dampened the cloth, careful to avoid wetting the bandages. It was easier to start with the counters; all the excess dust would get onto the floor where it could be vacuumed. He winced. It would be really painful to scrub the floor tiles the way his ribs were now. It had hurt enough just to bow; maintaining that position for several hours might not be feasible. One thing at a time, though. He focused solely on the granite surface. The shine immediately returned to it as soon as he pressed the cloth against it, highlighting just how bad the rest of the kitchen had gotten. Two hours, minimum. He bit his lip, forcing his own patience.

“Babe, not you,” Kitty said, popping back into the kitchen, “We’ll do it. You’re injured.”

He failed to see the relevance of that last part, but was grateful nonetheless. He put the cloth down gingerly. She had indicated that he follow her. He did so.

There was a single downstairs bedroom. Apollo was drawing back the curtains. He twisted abruptly around like he was surprised to see them somehow. He wiped his hands off on his jeans.

“I thought it would be easier for you if you take downstairs. You wouldn’t have to move around so much. I’ll try to make the room less impersonal? But you can take me or Lun’s room upstairs if you want. Your call.”

Delta blinked. No, it wasn’t. It was Apollo’s house. He’d go where he wanted him and it was obvious he wanted him here.

“Yes, sir.” He lowered his eyes. He’d been muttering a lot, recently. He knew he wasn’t supposed to. The words just kept getting caught somewhere.

“You don’t have to call me that,” Apollo said hurriedly, “And this’ll be the last move for a while, I promise.”

The exhaustion must have shown on his face. From the battleship into the jet into the safehouse into the jet into the base into the shuttle into the house. Half of it had spent in delirium, the other half spent in its afterglow. Delta felt as if he had been tripping for a week straight.

“Do you want to lay down for a little bit?” Kitty asked. Her tail flickered into a question mark shape behind her.

“Yes, miss.” His voice did not come out any louder, no matter how hard he tried. “Please.”

============

He woke up into darkness with only a few strands of moonlight to illuminate the room. Again, he was momentarily panicked, without any idea where he was or why it looked different. He sat up in the darkness. He could hear faint voices coming from the other room. He did not feel the subtle movements of a ship. Grounded, then. Right. Sunny’s house.

He relaxed a little. His eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness. The door was closed. He assumed it was locked and did not move to check otherwise. The doorknob was the kind that would rattle if he turned it. It’d be much too conspicuous. He had not been given permission to leave and he wouldn’t attempt to — definitely not so early on. 

Still, there were voices. He slid silently off the bed to press his ear to the door. He would not give up the eavesdropping habit, not for his life.

“-I always thought it was like, a sex thing. But then I tried it and I just got really bad burns all over my mouth.”

“That sounds like oral allergy syndrome.”

“No, but we BOTH got it.”

“So what happened to the worm?”

Delta pulled away from the door.

He sat back on the bed. He realized for the first time that he did not own anything anymore. Every single one of his possessions had been left back on the Thorn. Iza and Apollo had cut off the clothes he had come in with; they’d been too waterlogged to wear, even if they weren’t so impractical. He didn’t have any of his books. Most importantly, he did not have the laptop. He felt a small twinge of fear as he thought of who would find it when they inevitably cleaned out his room. It would have been locked up tight enough that its contents remained hidden, but its lone physical presence would be cause for concern. 

Maybe they’d think nothing of it. He tried to imagine who would actually know what to make of the find. Martino was dead. Delta had personally made sure of that. Paris was dead — presumably. Simon would still be alive, though. He’d know Delta wasn’t supposed to have the laptop, but Delta doubted he’d be able to piece together the story afterwards. He’d just promised to quit, anyway. Something sharp pinched at Delta’s heart. He had never gotten to say goodbye to him. 

It had to be this way. He knew it. It didn’t matter what he had wanted or wanted now. What mattered was getting out to somewhere that he would not be forced to kill in Empire’s name. He was here now and he had not planned any further ahead.

Without the laptop, without his books, without anything of substance in the room, he had nothing else to think about. It was so dark in the room. He’d been subjected to sensory deprivation before, both as practice and as punishment. At times, it had been badly needed. Other times, it would just send him deeper into a spiral. He could not decide which way it was leaning this time.

Delta had been sitting upright on the bed in complete darkness when the door cracked open.

“Oh!” Apollo was clearly startled to see him like that, “How long have you been up?”

No clock. He didn’t know, didn’t respond.

“Do you want to come out?” Apollo hung in the doorway, “We’re just chilling.”

Delta’s head fell a little bit, more from exhaustion than anything else. He didn’t think he understood the question. He didn’t think he understood much of anything anymore. He did not like to be left alone in the dark room with nothing to do, though he’d accepted that position as gracefully as he did anything else. Still, it was so draining to be around people. It wasn’t any fault of their own. It was simply the way every interaction came with its own set of rules. Delta had gotten used to the baseline exhaustion it caused within him. He had learned how to manage it with his teachers, with his handlers, with the Emperor, with Paris. But he did not like the idea of having to sleuth out the new terms of engagement with them, re-entering that rough adjustment period, and of risking punishment because they would not simply tell him the rules. He’d rather just stay in the dark.

“…Do you want something to eat?” Apollo asked.

Delta realized he had not said a single thing aloud. He’d been told how creepy it was when he stared off into space like that. He felt a sudden twinge of shame at having slipped into it so early with Apollo.

“Yes, sir,” he answered softly.

===========

Perhaps sensing his agoraphobia, Apollo brought the food into his room for him. Delta had barely eaten at all that week. He’d been unconscious or sick for most of it. They had tried to coax him into drinking broth while in Galatea’s medbay, but it hadn’t been enough. He wasn’t trying to be difficult. He just didn’t feel well enough to keep anything down.

The meal he’d been given was mostly sprouts and proteins. It was surprisingly nutritionally balanced, despite the general state of disuse the kitchen had been in. Delta remembered that Apollo was actually a medic and — at least partially — knew what he was doing. It was kind of reassuring. He’d gotten to be very wary of doctors, to the point where he’d deliberately hide his illness to avoid seeing Martino. It would be nice to not have to do that anymore.

Apollo’s words seemed to contradict the thought, though.

“I’m sorry it took so long to get you settled. The last couple days have been way harder than they should’ve been. It’s my fault everything got so haphazard.” He tapped his neck, “Levon said I should apologize too, but I was going to do it anyway. We got really out of our depth with this. I know it could’ve gone smoother. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Delta was quiet. It still felt so incredibly unnatural to have someone apologize to him. It had felt strange even through the screen and it was a million times worse when Apollo was actually in front of him. It all seemed a bit besides the point, anyway. He’d been out like that before. The powers were rough and unpredictable even when constrained; it was not the first time they’d made him feverish. The timing was unfortunate, but he could hardly blame Apollo for that. He felt like maybe he should be the one to apologize for making their lives so difficult. It had taken an entire professional team to care for him when the powers had first kicked in. Asking the same thing of a hastily assembled and ill-informed rebel group wasn’t fair to do.

He’d forgotten to respond, again. He was truly at a loss. 

“It’s okay, Delta. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Apollo said, catching the worry in his expression. “…Are you sure you want to be called that?”

Delta. He’d seemed upset when he’d said it the first time. He hadn’t challenged it, but he also hadn’t used it. None of them had. It was just a call sign, after all. He didn’t technically have a name. But all the other Δ assignments numbered 0 through 500 had all been felled or buried. He knew he was the only one who still had claims to the title. He still liked the way it sounded.

“I do,” Delta said. It was the strongest he’d gotten his voice to be all day.

………………..

tags:

@catnykit@indigoviolet311@snakebites-and-ink@vivulapom@scoundrelwithboba@whatwhump@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper

[moodymisty]

I am back to ask for more peterturabo fics. He is a petty boy who i love dearly. Do anything you want i love all your warhammer fics so much

Author's Note: You had me at Perturabo, friend. Here's some writing of turbocunt, hope you enjoy. It's sort of a rehash of a drabble I did not long ago. But I'm kinda amazed how weighed my requests are towards chaos. Y'all are some horny heretics.

Summary: You feel like a creature on display, surrounded by curious Primarchs eager to learn about Perturabo's littlest warrior.

Relationships: Perturabo/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Perturabo's shitass attitude, General 40kness, Gossipy Primarchs because when you're emotionally stunted demigods stuck up in a palace or on a battleship someone getting laid is probably international fucking news

Word Count: 1255

"I see the littlest Iron Warrior has made a return to Terra; Was Olympia to your liking?"

The uniquely loud but gentle voice stops you dead in your tracks, and only after two distinct pairs of steps come thundering closer do you dare to turn.

It would take someone of extraordinary denseness or hermitic nature to not recognize the Angel Sanguinius as the source of one pair of footsteps, though his companion alludes you for a moment. He's almost as pristine as Sanguinius, but there's a particular aura around him that is distinctly different. When Sanguinius says his name to fully catch his attention, you remember.

Fulgrim, The Phoenician; Perturabo had spoken of him a sparse number of times, though most hadn't been the most positive. Then again, he rarely speaks of his fellow Primarchs in any other way than with sentences filled with disdain and pejoratives.

He looks right at you, through you, and you try not to completely melt under his gaze. You swallow a knot in your throat as you realize you haven't even said a single word, though you don't really get the chance to. You must have been the subject of a previous conversation, judging by the phrasing of his next sentence.

"She's not what I expected of him."

You dare to glance towards Fulgrim. Was that meant to be a snub? A compliment? Is he insulting Perturabo?

You had only meant to make it back to your chambers before it got dark, the chance of crossing not one but two Primarchs was an astronomically low one.

The Angel smiles, gentle and soft. Just like the pristine white feathers of his wings. He laughs, presumably at your apprehensive mien.

"Oh come now, we won't bite."

Sanguinus' smile is gentle, while Fulgrim scoffs. His smooth white hair slides down over his shoulder, covering a portion of the elegant purple cloth he's currently wearing.

"Says you," Fulgrim's expression is what you can only describe as cold, but not emotionless. He's controlled, elegant and pristine; Like a flower carved from ice. "I'm sure being around Perturabo hasn't helped matters. He isn't exactly the most amicable company."

You swallow that same pesky knot that stays in your throat again, and give a nervous smile.

"He has his moments."

Sanguinius' face lights up upon hearing your voice, perhaps a bit mischievous at the tidbit you'd spilled. Fulgrim is the one who speaks up, however- eyebrows raised.

"Oh really? Tell me; Does actually have a bone capable of a romantic emotion in his body, or does he just fiddle with machinery all hours of the day?"

You smile fades a bit, pursing your lips shut tight like you're attempting to lock them for a moment.

"I, don't think he would be pleased if i said anything more on the subject." Sanguinius wings shift.

"Then we won't keep you from him any longer." He looks to Fulgrim, and you dip your head as you move out of the way and they pass you by. You continue standing in the middle of the massive hall for what feels like forever, just staring at the gold filigree and ornate tapestries.

But once you manage to unstick your feet, you finally make it to Perturabo's private chambers. Iron Warriors pass you by, on guard duty while their Primarch stays in the palace. They grant you entry on his orders, but you can feel the energy coming from them isn't the most positive. But their gene-sire is Perturabo, afterall. You won't proclaim he has the most amicable personality.

When you enter the foremost room of the massive bedchamber, you see him slightly hunched over a worktable. You can't quite see what he's fixing from this angle, but it appears to possibly be something relatively small in comparison to him. He looks away from it to you, brow furrowed.

"What is with that expression of yours."

Brushing a chunk of hair behind your ear, you purse your lips. Tools are scattered across the table, stained with oil and scuffed from use. You still can't quite see what he's working on when you shift a bit to your left.

"I met Primarch Fulgrim and Primarch Sanguinius."

The change in his posture is immediate, and energy palpable. He doesn't ask where, so you assume he has a general idea that they crossed you on the way here. His brow is furrowed as he stares at you, thin lips tight.

"And what did they say, or did they merely try and pry as much information from you as they could get?"

Would it make him more upset to say they did one of those things, or both?

You purse your lips to one side, trying to find the right way to word it. Perturabo's eyes glance between you and his current project multiple times.

"They didn't say much of anything. Other than that I wasn't what they expected of you. I'm, not entirely sure what they meant by it." He makes a noise somewhere between a hum, and a displeased grunt.

You stand still for a moment after speaking, before coming closer to stand at his side. He moves his arm for you to come even closer, and silently assists with helping you into his lap. It's been something you've been doing more as of late; Perturabo is always working, and this is one way you can manage to steal a bit of his time. He doesn't mind it either. And if anything, he seems to enjoy when you watch him make things for you.

"I didn't tell them a thing. I didn't feel like it was something they should know." He continues working, but you know he's listening. You wring your hands and try to dislodge this feeling in your gut. Your feet dangle off his legs, feeling small in the shadow of his chest.

"I feel terrible because, they're Primarchs; But they aren't my Primarch."

Perturabo lets out a one note laugh.

"If their prides were so insulted that you managed to skirt around their questioning, then they can say so to me. I'm in need of the amusement."

You watch closer at his hands, and realize he's tinkering with something for you.

It's an automata, he calls it. Something that is powered by an unknown machinery inside. It just looks like a bunch of baubles and gears, to you. All you know is that each have a key that when you turn it, makes them move. You have many of them already, it seems this one is shaped like a small Iron Warrior.

Perhaps he just enjoys making the little things. Not much will ever be difficult to the Primarch, so maybe he just finds their simplicity and clumsy mimicry of whatever he's cast their silhouette in silly. They entertain you, at least.

Sitting it down onto the massive table, he closes it's back and winds it up, watching it stomp across the table in the pose of a proper Astartes march. When it slows to a stop, you lean forward to pick it up.

It's heavy, and while it looked small in Perturabo's hands, it's massive in yours; Around the size of your head. He watches you hold it from above, you can feel his gaze on you. You try not to smile as a bit of a mischievous thought crosses your mind.

"You should make one that looks like Sanguinius."

The Primarch lets out a surprisingly loud gauffaw. His left hand lands on your thigh.

"The next one, perhaps."

[volterran-wine]

Soooo, I read that u went to see Taylor's new movie... does that mean volterran wine is a fellow swiftie? 💅 And can I please request volturi with lyrics from Taylor?? like what fits best?? Love ur blog 💜

• — 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢 & 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐋𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐬

While this is a crossover I usually would not indulge, Volterran Wine cannot deny that Miss Swift has wrecked her teenage years, her twenties and probably will continue doing so in her thirties.

So dearest Anonymous, I will humour you this time and give my opinion on what lyrics of Miss Swift would suit our vampires the best.

𝐀𝐫𝐨: "I should not be left to my own devices, they come with prices and vices, I end up in crisis." — Anti Hero.

𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐮𝐬: "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put me together again." — The Archer

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐬: "You're not my homeland anymore, so what am I defending now?" — Exile.

𝐒𝐮𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚: "You see, all the wisest women had to do it this way, cause' we were born to be the pawn in every lover's game." — Mastermind.

𝐀𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐚: "And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that." — this is me trying.

𝐃𝐢𝐝𝐲𝐦𝐞: "She would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she's fucked in the head." — Champagne Problems.

—

𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐢: "The more that you say, the less I know. Wherever you stray, I follow. I'm begging you to take my hand - wreck my plans, that's my man." — Willow.

𝐅𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱: "There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair." — The Great War.

𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐞: "They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one, so light me up." — I Did Something Bad.

𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐜: "You're on your own, kid. You always have been." — You're On Your Own, Kid.

𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐝𝐢: "When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breath." — Clean.

𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚: "I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves." — my tears ricochet.

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧: "There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen" — the last great american dynasty.

𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐚: "When I walk in the room I can still make the whole place shimmer." — Bejeweled.

𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐨𝐧: "I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me." — Long Story Short.

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐨: "I'm dancin' on my own, I make the moves up as I go" — Shake it Off.

[ode777]

But yall aren’t ready for that conversation

(Lyrics below)

My Tears Ricochet (Taylor Swift):

We gather here, we line up

Weepin' in a sunlit room, and

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean

Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you

But what a ghostly scene

You wear the same jewels that I gave you

As you bury me

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

And I can go anywhere I want

Anywhere I want, just not home

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood

But you would still miss me in your bones

And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)

And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

Crossing out the good years

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

Mad Woman (Taylor Swift):

What did you think I'd say to that?

Does a scorpion sting when fighting back?

They strike to kill and you know I will

You know I will

What do you sing on your drive home?

Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn?

Does she smile?

Or does she mouth, "Fuck you forever"?

Every time you call me crazy

I get more crazy

What about that?

And when you say I seem angry

I get more angry

And there's nothin' like a mad woman

What a shame she went mad

No one likes a mad woman

You made her like that

And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out

And you find something to wrap your noose around

And there's nothin' like a mad woman

Now I breathe flames each time I talk

My cannons all firin' at your yacht

They say, "Move on", but you know, I won't

I'm takin' my time

Takin' my time

'Cause you took everything from me

Watchin' you climb

Watchin' you climb

Over people like me

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve (Taylor Swift):

If you would've blinked then I would've

Looked away at the first glance

If you tasted poison, you could've

Spit me out at the first chance

If I was some paint, did it splatter

On a promising grown man?

And if I was a child, did it matter

If you got to wash your hands?

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

But, Lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Years of tearing down our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

Coney Island (Taylor Swift):

Break my soul in two looking for you

But you’re right here

If I can’t relate to you anymore

Who am I related to?

Did I close my fist around something delicate?

Did I shatter you?

And I’m sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering, “where did my baby go?”

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go

Over and over

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointment close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

The question pounds my head

What a lifetime of achievement

If I pushed you to the edge?

Will you forgive my soul

When you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?

[roryonic]

DVD Commentary: Battleships and Love Boats

Another for the vault @shamelessdvdcommentary :)

Idk who requested me, but thank you a whole lot <3 it's nice to be thought of. Since I don't know which story anon would like to know about, I thought I'd pick the biggest and baddest hahah

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

Published June 24th, 2023 (same day I finished In Another World). Wrote and posted one chapter (ish) every day. Finished it about 2 months later.

Chapters? 106

Word count? 238,315

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

Smut.

No, really.

I vaguely dabbled with smut in In Another World, so I wanted to truly try my hand at it in a story that was meant to have it. I also knew I wanted to write a story where they were a bit younger because I like all the angsty drama hahah

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

I almost always write in dual POV. To me, it makes sense because both Ian and Mickey have an equal say about their relationship. It's also such a nice break to be able to jump into one's head when I so please.

What was your favourite scene to write?

Chapter 51 - Boyfriend.

I loooove the casual (semi) PDA and the calm of them both when they're finally together. Details and absentminded touches are my cryptonite, so I adore how they act in that chapter as they're looking at cars. They're dialogue is also adorable (if I may say so myself lol)

How did you come up with the title?

Titles are the first thing I come up with when I'm writing a story and more or less build everything off of that vibe. I think I heard or read Battleships and Love Boats somewhere, but I can't remember where, and it just stuck.

Fitting, though, I think. Both love and calm, but also battles and uncertainty.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

Smut hahah

It's time to face the facts that I will never be an excellent smut writer and I am fine with that. I cringe too much of myself to write too explicitly. Too innocent for this.

Favourite line in the story?

“Jesus Chr—fuck,” Ian spoke breathlessly and dropped his head back a bit too far, consequently banging it against the wall.

The one that started it all hahah

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

Oh my god, if it did.

Let's just say that the story you start reading is not the story you end with. But, again, I don't map out my stories if I can help it.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

Dialogue.

I think I had their voices etched into my brain stem at that point. If I can't hear the characters say their lines, I don't write it.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

I wish I had gotten Mickey his car. Sorry, Mick.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

Very much surprised.

After I wrote In Another World, which became quite successful, I didn't think I could replicate anything like the warm reception that it got.

I was wrong.

Battleship, you exceeded all expectations.

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

Alexa! Play "All by myself" - Celine Dion!

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

It's time to do something very important that we've been putting of for a while.

We're going to buy the FALN pants from Cuno.

CUNO - "Cuno's like Cuno's dad -- Cuno doesn't give a fuck about anything."

3. "I want to buy the FALN pants."

CUNO - "Here, pig. We FALN now. Performance buddies." Cuno unzips his jacket again and pulls the pants out of the plastic wrapping.

Item gained: FALN "Modular" Track Pants

CUNO - "Cuno can already see you soaring through the air like a fucking eagle." He looks at you with pride. "Pig's in Cuno's debt now. Money-debt."

Task complete: Buy FALN pants from Cuno

+10 XP

FALN "MODULAR" TRACK PANTS

+1 Savoir Faire: Spacious crotch/liquid fit -1 Physical Instrument: Performance-unlimited

Entry level FALN Modular track pants, meant to get the urban athele started down the FALN-path. Labels say Hydrophobic 100%, SymanTec, and FALN Mirova Lab, creating an air of pseudoscientific mystery around these pants. They feel rubbery and futuristic to touch.

🎵 The Field Autopsy

THE HANGED MAN - The man is decomposing visibly now. Every hour he looks less like a creature and more like a pile of intestines...

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant adjusts his glasses and takes a deep breath.

2. "Let's bag him. Take him away." (The lieutenant takes the body away -- you work alone for the rest of the day.)

KIM KITSURAGI - "All right." He takes out a shiny black body bag and starts pulling the plastic over the dead man's face.

Task complete: Send victim's body to processing

+30 XP

Level up!

KIM KITSURAGI - "I will need a little help carrying him -- you take the hands, I'll take the legs."

Bag the corpse and drag it to the motor carriage. [Leave.]

Kim is gone.

We *did* want to talk to Klaasje without Kim here, but she's turned in for the night, so that will have to wait.

🎵 Instrument of Surrender

SHIVERS - All around you, rain falls on the great city of Revachol. Rain drips from the eaves and floods the gutters, washing the filth away.

The spring thaw must be here. The snow is melting...

What am I doing?

SHIVERS - Looking up at the sky, cold water dripping from your hair.

What do I see?

Shake the shivers off. [Discard thought.]

SHIVERS - Grey sky like great battleships, clouds colliding with one another. Rain falls down on the world.

How does it feel?

SHIVERS - Humid. Your coat shields you from the rain while the city shivers around you.

What is in the west?

What's in the east?

What's in the north?

What's in the south?

"Motherfucker." [Finish thought.]

SHIVERS - Sheets of rain over the water. A flight of stairs leading into the ocean. Wave after wave washing the coast of Martinaise, with its motorboats and gently swaying reeds.

The ruins of a half-sunken seafort crumble on an inlet. Beyond the Bay of Revachol, ghosts rise into the sky.

Who are you, ghosts?

What is down the shore?

Run your fingers through your dampened hair.

SHIVERS - The skyscrapers of La Delta, the financial district. Faint golden light seeps from the office windows.

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - Will you ever go there?

Will I?

Let go of the feeling.

SHIVERS - No. You are just one of the hundreds of thousands who watch them rise across the bay from Martinaise every day.

2. What is down the shore?

SHIVERS - Urban coastline, rain dripping off eternite-covered roofs. Cinder blocks left over from half-finished construction. A defunct research and development building once seized by revolutionaries. An old wooden church stands on stilts above the water.

And beyond that?

SHIVERS - Coal City, end of all lines.

3. Run your fingers through your dampened hair.

SHIVERS - Your hair is an oily mess flecked with ash from neighbouring coal plants. Smoke stacks rise somewhere in the distance.

🎵 Red Rock Riviera

2. What's in the east?

SHIVERS - The great gates of the industrial harbour are locked. A chill runs down your back. You shudder like an animal trying to shake water from its hide.

Clench your teeth to stop shuddering.

Shake your shoulders again.

SHIVERS - Behind the gates -- heaps of supply crates. Red and blue metal shipping containers slick with rain. The Greater Revachol Industrial Harbour is an artificial mountain range. Immense wealth resides within, and immeasurable poverty in its shadow.

And beyond that?

And before that?

SHIVERS - You -- on the Martinaise plaza. A small dot looking up at the sky. Droplets form on your eyelashes.

And beyond that?

SHIVERS - La Drisienne, King Dris's Passenger Harbour. Cruise ships flanked by dock arms. Cranes watching over the mouth of the river distributary.

What is across from the distributary?

SHIVERS - Couron, the lower middle class. Distributary after distributary cuts the city blocks in half. Seven-story buildings trail off into the rain.

What is beyond the Couron?

SHIVERS - A silvery curtain of rain over the houses. The class divide.

2. Shake your shoulders again.

SHIVERS - You shudder, looking down at your feet. Dirty rainwater runs veins into the plaza snow.

You realize you have no shoes on. Your feet are red with cold.

This is incorrect. This dialogue wasn't programmed to account for wearing anything other than the green snakeskin shoes Harry had on him at the start of the game.

3. What's in the north?

SHIVERS - Capeside apartments -- tower blocks crowd one another, 4.46 mm bullets still lodged in their war-torn stone walls.

Hallways collapsed from the mortar hits of a war that was lost long ago. Clotheslines go to waste in the rain. Radios play.

And closer to here?

SHIVERS - A yard. Rain falls onto the roof of a woodshed. The lingering odour of decomposition mixes with that of damp soil.

4. What's in the south?

SHIVERS - A traffic jam. Rain thrumming on the roofs of motor vehicles. Inside, drivers watch water streaming down their windshields. The statue of a king shudders, he too is cold. The canal bridge has been raised.

What's on the other side?

SHIVERS - The road ascends; a raised motorway loops above the ghetto. Beneath its concrete columns -- a sea of rooftops, woodwork, and tar stretches northward. Four-story buildings as far as the rain can fall. The snows melt in Jamrock.

Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?

Why am I not there?

Shudder, look further...

SHIVERS -

HAVE A BROTHER IN THE CUT. WHERE THE WOOD AT?

2. Why am I not there?

SHIVERS - To be in Martinaise, where no one goes. At the run-off point of a long-forgotten canal, in the whitest part of town. In the shadow of the day the Revolution failed.

White is the color of communism in Elysium, remember.

What am I doing here?

SHIVERS - Standing in the rain, looking north, where Jamrock Rock City stretches inland.

3. Shudder, look further...

SHIVERS - In the rain-swept distance above the rooftops of Jamrock, a re-purposed silk mill stands perched above the motorway exit. Precinct 41 hunches in the rain.

+5 XP

MACK TORSON - "Wonder if Vic's found his long lost boyfriend yet." He looks over at Chester McLaine and breaks into a laugh at his own joke. The rain falls outside.

CHESTER MCLAINE - "Mack, they're *hetero-sexual life partners*. It's not like that," his partner smirks. "But yeah. There's trouble in paradise for that duo, Tequila Sunset has..." The sound of the rain grows so loud it drowns out his voice.

SHIVERS - Your vision blurs. You wipe your face with your hand. The rain stings your eyes, making you look up and blink.

5. What's above?

SHIVERS - Coalition aerostatics hang like apparitions under the cloud cover. Way up there -- where rain forms -- rotors flutter silently. Your sight clears.

6. What's below?

SHIVERS - Collapsed storm drains. Old sewage systems flooded with rainwater. Hidden weapon caches from the Revolution. Doors leading down to Le Royaume -- the catacombs to which, for three centuries, they delivered the blue-blooded dead.

7. "Motherfucker." [Finish thought.]

SHIVERS - These spring thaw will not last. The winter will return to Revachol.

+5 XP

No point staying out any later without Kim here. Let's turn in for the night.

Seems the walker was either very confused or drunk out of his mind.

SHACK DOOR - It's getting cold this late in the night. Time to call it a day.

Enter the shack.

Not yet. [Leave.]

🎵 Coastal Shack

SHIVERS - A brisk coastal wind still howls against the window of the shack. Occasionally the waves crawl in under the foundation, producing a low hum...

Listen.

Shake it off. [Discard thought.]

SHIVERS - The room feels muffled, like you pulled your hat over your ears. Outside, it is cold and windy, but you're inside, and it feels safe and warm.

SHIVERS -

WHAT IS THIS PLACE TO YOU?

[thetarttfuldickhead]

if the team played monopoly, who would gravitate to which piece?

Let’s assume they’re playing with the latest set of tokens (which I have googled for your edification and mine, gentle nonny), which gives us eight pieces and this highly scientific analysis of our players’ choices:

Colin selects the race car, which elicits (good-natured) boos and questions of his sanity, like fucking really, mate? Colin reasons that this is a car he can’t crash, right, and if he somehow did anyway, it wouldn’t matter ‘cause it’s super tiny! No one can argue with that logic. Live vicariously through mini metal motors, Colin! Safest for all, really.

Isaac gets the top hat, becaue he’s a top dog and also he can rock them costumes, yeah?

Jamie opts for the dog ‘cause he just passionate about dogs. Petting them. Loving them. Rubbing their bellies. (If he can’t choose the dog because Dani already beat him to it, he goes for the rubber ducky, due to its sexual connotations. What are those sexual connotations? I have no idea, but Jamie Tartt will know.)

Dani wouldn’t have minded playing the dog, but will happily settle for the penguin because it is such a happy and majestic animal even though it lives in difficult conditions. (Unless he’s somehow playing for the Mexico in the Monopoly World Championship, which apparently does exist: then he’s selecting the battleship and he’s going to fucking sink you.)

Bumbercatch will not play if he cannot play the thimble, which is one of the original pieces and symbolizes the poor (together with the now retired boot and iron, and in contrast to the top hat, battleship, and canon, which originally symbolized the rich according to the potentially accurate but potentially sketchy online sources I found). He will also never fail to explain the true meaning of Monopoly and its inherent criticism of capitalism.

Sam is inclined towards the cat because he admires the creature’s independent nature and insistence on going its own way, as well as its grace and ability to always find a sunny spot to rest in.

Coach Beard (who might not hang out with the team a lot in general but who will always show up for team board game night) is a rubber duck man, for self-evident yet mysterious reasons. Some things we are not meant to understand, merely to accept.

Jan Maas plays the battleship because it’s the piece left unclaimed after everyone else have chosen theirs. Jan Maas doesn’t care which token he gets, because the token doesn’t actually affect the outcome of the game, so it really doesn’t matter which one you play with. No one else accepts this perfectly correct but also horribly incorrect statement.

[jack-in-the-dark]

Jack Builds Spaceboats: The Rally Vincent, Part 2: Akira-class, My Beloved

Disclaimer: I am by no means an expert at this game and the information I present may be erroneous.

I love the Akira-class. I cannot overstate that. Ever since I first saw the beautiful USS Thunderchild and her sisters at the Battle of Sector 001 in Star Trek: First Contact, I have been in love with this ship.

I love that way she looks. The way her design makes her swoop. I love her lore. I love that she's basically what you get when Starfleet decides to throw subtlety out the window. I love how she's sleek and aggressive while still maintaining that Starfleet feel.

So here comes an autism rant.

The development of the Akira-class starship started after the Battle of Wolf 359, where an entire fleet of starships was annihilated by a single Borg cube in a matter of hours, if not minutes. It was a massacre, and a wake-up call. It was a reminder to Starfleet that having fighting ships, while frowned upon by Federation ideals, is an absolute necessity for the peace and safety of the Federation.

So the engineers got to work, and designed four new classes of ship designed primarily with kicking Borg ass in mind: the Defiant, the Sabre, the Norway, and the Akira. While the Defiant, Sabre, and Norway were more compact and smaller designs, the Akira-class was a full-fledged cruiser at over two-thirds the length of the massive Galaxy-class explorers.

She also had a truly massive hangar bay that ran the full length of the saucer section, allowing her to carry an unheard-of amount of support craft.

What truly set the Akira-class apart, though, was the fact that she is absolutely fucking covered in torpedo launchers. Most Starfleet ships have, at most, four torpedo launchers - two fore, two aft, with phaser arrays covering the ship (the Galaxy-class, for example, is considered a battleship with two torpedo launchers and over a dozen phaser arrays). The Akira-class has three phaser arrays. She has fifteen photon torpedo launchers. Four facing forward in the weapons pod, three on each side covering the aft port and starboard quarters in the mission pod, one in the saucer section just above the deflector dish and, most unusually, two photon torpedo launchers on each side of the saucer section facing directly port and starboard.

A big part of why I started playing Star Trek Online was because I wanted to fly an Akira-class. I longed for it. So naturally, I pounced on the opportunity the moment it presented itself.

You can imagine that it came as a bit of a shock when I learned that the torpedo-heavy cruiser-carrier I loved was, in game terms, an agile glass cannon designed to use dual cannons.

I exploded. A lot. So much so, in fact, that I straight-up swore off flying escorts almost altogether and started flying cruisers instead because they could take a goddamn hit.

I was angry, I was disappointed, and even a little heartbroken.

But as my knowledge of the game grew, I kept going back to the USS Rally Vincent, re-evaluating and tweaking, and eventually even making a ship that I felt actually worked with what an Akira-class should be.

Then, in 2022, I started seeing rumors around the STO subreddit: Cryptic was working on a Legendary Akira-class. Now, "Legendary" variants are typically only for "Hero" ships, those that served as the focus of a series (like the various Enterprises, the Defiant, and Voyager). The idea of a Legendary Akira-class was... curious, but also very very exciting.

So I immediately started saving up, and holy shit am I glad I did. When Cryptic announced the Legendary First Strike Bundle and the stats of the ships it would come with (the Legendary Multi-Mission Command Carrier and the not-talking-about-it-in-this-post Legendary Temporal Ops Strike Wing Escort Warbird), it was like Cryptic had read my Christmas list and decided I'd been such a good boy this year that I was gonna get everything I wanted.

This was finally a frame that could be an honest-to-goodness Akira-class. Still nimble, but not a dogfighter, able to take a few on the chin, packing enough firepower to make a Klingon blush, and full Command specialization seating primary and Miracle Worker secondary, giving her access to some fantastic Bridge Officer abilities and arguably the best torpedo-buffing BOFF ability in the game, Concentrate Firepower III.

It was truly an evolution of the Rally Vincent's build, going well beyond mere improvement. The advent of the Advanced Hangar consoles elevated the build even further, making her one of only a handful of ships I have capable of dealing with Elite content despite her decidedly off-meta build.

I genuinely wish I could give this ship a hug. She really is a dream come true for me.

[a-cat-in-toffee]

I'm gonna talk about davesprite for a few paragraphs

He spent four months in a doomed timeline knowing two of his friends were dead, using the “training” Bro gave him, being haunted by Calsprite. When he had to travel back in time to  save his best friend's life, he had to prototype himself and turn into a sprite, and then instantly got hit with not being the “real Dave” anymore. He actually, in contrast with later pages, denies being not the “real Dave” saying that he’s “more real actually cause [he’s] been through some heavy shit already hopping around on red hot gears and i-beams for like a year and grinding shit out for [John’s] ungrateful ass.” (Hussie 1692)

After that he went to find Bro, fought Jack Noir with him, and watched Bro die in front of him. As far as Davesprite was aware, all Bro ever did was make sure he was prepared for the game because he needed everything he “learned” from Bro. It would probably never occur to him that all the strife he did growing up was even a little bad because in the end in his  mind he wouldn’t have been able to save his friends without it. It wouldn’t matter to him that John never had anything like that and made it through the game, because Davesprite’s John fucking died. Same thing with all of his friends.

And then, after all of that, he ends up on the Prospitian battleship for three years with Jade and John, who treat him like a fake Dave. The replacement Dave for their actual friend. Even if John initially sees Davesprite as just “a magical orange dave with wings.” (Hussie 4732) we can see how being a “fake” Dave wears on Davesprite, especially in some of his later dialogue.

Davesprite is used to being forgotten (Page 4343, 7875) and doesn’t see himself as a real Dave (which he states multiple, 3927 and 5943) despite clinging on to  his identity as a Dave, referring to himself as “bird dave” in his monologue to John’s sleeping body on 5943. Actually the entirety of that monologue shows us a lot about Davesprite’s mental state and sense of identity by the end of the boat trip. He considers himself lesser for being “bird Dave,” and is convinced that isolating himself and leaving all of his friends to the “real” Dave is the best course of action.

Davesprite is a traumatized teenager who never had a chance to grow, who was repeatedly told he wasn’t the “real” version of himself, and had to deal with the weight of an entire doomed timeline on his own. He’s stuck in a body that isn't his, with friends that aren't his, in a timeline that isn't his.

[myapathyhaspeaked]

Platonic Sides Week Day 3: Cards

It was a rainy afternoon, and Patton decided that it was the perfect time for some family game time. He managed to coax Roman, Logan, and Virgil into the Mindscape common room, where he had pulled out a plethora of games, from Monopoly and Scrabble to Battleship and Exploding Cats. They eventually settled on Uno, and sat in a circle.

Logan held the instructions in his hand, poring over them while Roman did some obstentations shuffling tricks for the others. They were going to follow the rules. If that made them the only Uno players in the history of Uno to actually follow the rules, so be it. 

“Everyone draw a card, and whoever gets the highest number deals,” he stated, then reached for the deck. He drew a six and sighed. Not a guaranteed win, so the others would have to draw, which wasn’t as efficient as he would’ve liked.

Virgil got an eight, and Patton got a four. If Roman wanted to deal, which he very much did, he would need to draw a nine. When he saw the card he had pulled, he cheered.

“Yes, Wild card! That’s gotta be like a ten or something, right?” He grabbed for the deck, ready to deal the cards out.

“Actually, in this situation Action Cards count as zero. So Virgil will be dealing.”

Roman dramatically slumped against the couch like his bones had disappeared and sighed. “But I wanted to make it rain!” he complained.

“It’s already raining, kiddo,” Patton pointed out, bless his heart. Even in the Mindscape, the raindrops drummed outside, creating consistent background noise. If he hadn’t invited the others to hang out, he probably would have been cozied up in a blanket with a hot drink and an old cartoon.

“That would likely expose half of the cards’ faces before the game even began.”

“Don’t worry dude, we can make it rain after you lose,” Virgil teased. Before Roman could start making offended Princey noises, Logan tapped the instructions to gain their attention.

“As the person to the left of the dealer, you will have the privilege of starting the game.”

Safe to say he was appeased.

It had been two hours, and they were, despite all odds and what they all had previously thought was possible, still on their first game. They had gone through the deck three times, and they were halfway through their forth.

Logan was stewing with a hefty handful of cards, mainly because it only took fifteen minutes for “stacking Draw Twos is a human right” to win over following the rules and the universe was apparently intent on giving him an aneurysm. At least he had managed to convince them to keep stacking Draw Fours illegal. He couldn’t handle what would happen if someone was hit with a Draw Twenty-Four.

The others were doing a lot better, with no more than four cards each. Usually this meant the game was about to end, but they had gotten to this stage several times, and each time some bullshit happened to give everyone a full hand again. Still, they were optimistic.

Roman proudly placed down a red two. “Uno!” Virgil followed with a green two, and Logan submitted a green eight. Their eyes turned to Patton, who was looking a little nervous.

“Now kiddo, please know that this is nothing personal,” he cautioned, his cards held close to his chest. The cause for his concern was soon revealed when he hesitantly added a Draw Four to the pile. Roman let out a dismayed shout as victory was pulled out of his grasp before he had the chance to embrace it. 

“Patton!” he gasped in overacted betrayal.

“Sorry, sorry, but I didn’t have another card I could play. And blue.”

“I suppose, under those circumstances, I have to forgive you,” he sighed, then drew his new cards. Logan continued the game with a seven, and Virgil chose a Wild Card, changing the color to yellow. Patton looked sheepishly at Roman, then pulled out another goddamn Draw Four.

“Oh my fucking God,” Virgil snickered behind his hand, watching as Roman clutched the fatherly Side’s shoulders, begging him to chose literally any other card. All he got was the same “it was my only option.”

You’ll never guess what card Patton used to end the game. Actually you probably can, quite easily even. But I’m going to let you imagine the others’ reactions, because nothing I could write could possibly capture the amount of defeat, devastation, and befuddlement that you can picture more clearly in your brain.

---

@platonicsidesweek

[nielsmichiels]

Toy envy.

Not many people know this but i'm a novice customiser of toys. Only did a couple here and there. Now back when i was a kid i had a friend that had this back in the 90's.

The Gi Joe USS FLAGG. This thing was humongous, like the size of a coffee table and it was VERY expensive.

His dad bought it back in the 80's for 4144.10 belgian francs ($109.99 dollars). That would be 332.48 US dollars now. Yeah, those people were loaded. I allways was jealous of that thing and 30 years later, i sometimes caught myself looking up how much they would cost now, just for a goof. For a second hand semi complete one you can get it for almost 3000 dollars. So i tought to myself. "You have some skills, and you have a Dremel tool, let's try to make one ourselves." "Maybe just a small one, like a amphibious assault ship instead of an full fledged aircraft carrier." So i looked up what the smallest gi joe fighter jets were. And it were these.

Gi joe TigerHawks. So i bought two of these and a Gi Joe GhostHawk.

Next i had to find a viable platform that already existed. And you never guess where i found it. Fisher Price. That's right, the company that made toys for babies made an aircraft carrier. Introducing the Fisher Price Imagine Next aircraft carrier!

Yeah...........disspointing isn't it. But it was the one platform that was close to 1:18 scale. And it had a lower deck that perfectly fitted the TigerHawks.

Now came the hard part. "Would i have to make a deck and a island (command tower and bridge) from scratch?" I figured i didn't have the tallent for that till i noticed these two things online.

Just some random chinese made aircraft carrier toy. Now wouldn't you know it, "that deck would fit the lower deck almost perfectly if the measurements were right" i thought. Now for the island. Every option i sought up from existing toys were either too big, or too small. Till i by accident hit this.

The kid connection battleship playset found at your local wallmart (which there aren't any of here in Belgium) for 15 bucks. So i looked one up on ebay ,bought it for 25 bucks, and then spent 90 bucks just on postage to get it here. XD "That was an expensive piece of plastic" i thought. And then i got to work with the Dremel and ripped all three boats apart ,put them together and SOMEHOW it turned it into this.

I call her the USS Ledger.

She can easily fit two TigerHawks on her deck and below because of their folding wings. (It's like they were made to be carrier jets. ;) )

And thanks to the deck modifications it could even store a Ghost Hawk below.

I realy had fun making this. And i was planning on sharing this on a Gi Joe forum called Histank but well......... lets just say the aren't realy tollerant if you accidentally fuck up making a profile, so you make another profile aaaaaaaaaaaaaand you get banned for that.

apparently you can't have two profiles (which wasn't said on the disclosure) and you have to be vetted by the administrator before you can even change a thing on your profile. I wonder why a toy forum has to have such draconian rules. Is the toy collecting/toy customisation business that competitive? So i decided to share it here with you nice folks who probably aren't realy interested in it. Enjoy!