#I bloody love Michael Ball

[clearasacrystal-sharpasaknife]

[bokunoheros]

ཐིཋྀ KINKTOBER - day 12 squirting : shouta aizawa/eraserhead

warnings : afab reader, reader and aizawa are married, y’all have a cat, pussy slapping (pun probably intended), this is doo-doo dog shit, like this actually sucks, doo doo fart ass, dookie, poo poo fart, smegma, this fic reads like what sharting yourself feels like, this fic smells like the family bathroom at walmart, we’re fucking twelve (not literally), don’t expect anything else genuinely, butt, pretend this was never posted, PLEASE, day 12 is NOT REAL, THEY HIT THE PENTAGON— MR PRESIDENT GET DOW— bill gates did it, bill cypher is canon, squirting, fingering idk, eating ass, butthole rimming, 2024 election, ellen digestive did 9/11, Trump x Biden, 9/11, hilary emails included, proof of aliens existence, video footage of the area 51 raid, UFOs, alien butt sex, wrong usage of condoms, anal probing, biological dna harboring, sickle cell anemia, KLANCE is canon, Steven universe, major character death, gem fusions, love children, feel like cinderella naega byeonhae, NETFLIX ORIGIONAL, only on Hulu, Elsa x Jackfrost smut, playdough, me x YOU, tiana x nanami au, your mom x me, sarcamouche x kazuha, xiao x venti, improper use of crack cocaine, making herion, mentions of drug mules, dead dove: do eat, improper use of magic, meth making, cocaine balloons bursting, Harry Potter x Snape, hermoine x the whomping willow, herobrine x steve, unfortunate uses of pixels, bakudeku slime, hnnng harder daddy, mmhppgh— yeah yeah right there, cum consumption, cumflation, feeder fetish, oh yeah, koolaid man x me, very improper use of koolaid packets, nickacaco avocado weight loss journey, apology videos (tears included), , banjos, jake paul dcead body in forest footage (NOT CLICKBAIT), live leak posts, webtoon origional, anal stretching, did you know the human anus can stretch to the size of a raccoon?, now you know that, and also, the sun will explode June 17th, 3028, character flaws, bodily anatomy, your balls will explode on october 21st at 7:99am, my gleeby deeby ass, futurama, Micheal Angelo, improper use of abortions, medical surgery on a grape, plastic surgery, baby killing, tampon usage, description of endangered animal poaching, Mario Kart, tuberculosis, ima get it donnnne oh aye oh aye oh, butt stuff, dazai x chuuya, atsushi x akutagawa, mpreg, mad cow disease, omegaverse, ranpo x me, Dream SMP, matpat x scott cowthan, michael afton x freddy fazbear, aggressive typing, bath salts, bath salt inhalation, whippets, galaxy gas, all might is a bottom, skinny men, carrington x shigaraki, anorexia anorexia anorexia, afo x nana shimura, BLOODY MARY, BLOODY MARY, BLOODY MARY, TW gun law debates, tenko x mon, Amazon delivery, school shootings, talk of gun laws, bad dragon toys, silicon, aoyama belly button leaking, lego ninjago r34, ninja turtles r34, bloody mary r34, kamala harris r34, tenya iida x tensei iida, jesus x judas, luigi x bowser, sonic and shadow makeout sesh, i fuck your dad, suck his dick reallll nice, penis sounding with dirty twig, orgasm denial, overstimulation, xenotransplants, oviposition, diaper Taco Bell, people die, revival, dark magic, ecoterrorism, global warming, chemical warfare, wanda x the winter soldier, haruhi x tamaki suoh, cosmo x wanda, comicon, bronies, pegasisters, mentions of twilight sparkle dying, twiilight sparkle x mordecai, air planes, shootings stars, night skies, NLE Choppa, we could really use a wish bro, TuPac is back, floppa carts: plompy haze, death of a platform known as tumblr, twitter referred to as X, elon musk creates sex robot that specializes in butthole sex, Tesla sex robot, androids that FUCK, necrophilia, android phone usage, pheromones, premonitions and words of Jesus, divine intution, potion making, heavenly visions, satan, satanic visions, the heavenly principles, celestia is above mondstadt, spiritual healing, veganism, white washing, canon hispanic hanta sero, futanari, blasian mina ashido, bovine spongiforms, Tenya Iida virginity loss, bakugo is a fucking faggot, handjobs, footjobs, peaceful protests, the government is controlling you through vaccines, asian fishing,

vaccines might cause autism, freshwater fishing, they will, xenophobia, hentai hucows, incest, usage of slurs, starbucks coffee, lizards run the world, obama might be a lizard, inappropriate use of baby oil, gojo x getou, day twelve never existed and it was all a lie.

word count : 420k words and 69 pages

🐙 note : we are not locked in we are as loose as a ran through sorority president

🦊 note : i am. i have no words. idek what happened. we ran out of time so we went with the option we thought might make people giggle (no we didnt we did this bullshit for ourselves)(your regularly scheduled content will resume tmr!)

🪲 note : i ain’t fucking sorry

you adored your husband—shouta aizawa—so much so, that you were his dedicated housewife. he made plenty of money as a pro hero and… enough… as a teacher, so that left you to take care of the house and your shared cat. though when he did come home he was way different than he was at work, usually at work he was all nonchalant and cold but at home he was sweet and caring, sometimes even a bit rough. his students would definitely describe him as laid back and uninterested, yet when you were around they were in awe of his personality shift.

[iheartjohnlennon]

Hey!!! It's me again! could u do The Beatles preference on if Reader wanted to be dom? Thank you luv!😋

Headcanon(s); Their reaction, and the aftermath, of you wanting to be dominant!

John

• John laughs when you ask him if you can top him, he finds it funny as he's always the one fucking you, you know? You're always the one crying and begging for mercy, you're always the one telling him to slow down or speed up; not him, it's never him. And he's always the one asking if he can try different things on you. He sees you as the submissive one, it's rarely the opposite.

• And he doesn't take you seriously at first until you show him you're serious, it shocks him at first, but he of course, he ends up liking it.

• You top him via positions, so dominating female positions like cowgirl or something hehehehe. It's just you on top of him, or in another way where he has no physical control.

• John's breathless at the end of it. He likes this sexual side of you, it's new, and John likes new and he certainly likes pleasure too. He wants you to dominate him more often now.

♡

Paul

• Paul gets giddy and excited when you ask him if you can top him. He's secretly wanted it, but he just didn't know how to go about asking you because Paul's a switch but in most situations he's mainly on top - as he should be honestly.

• Paul's your lab rat so you use toys to put him in his place...a variety of them...but specifically ones that pleasure the prostate...so you can make him your bitch...and he's also into that...

• He's eager but that doesn't mean he's fully proud! He's a bit ashamed of your activities sometimes, but the shame never lasts long.

• Paul is so willing to be your bitch. He fucking loves it, he loves you. He wants you to be dominant more often, he thinks it's a good balance to your sex life.

• You being dominant definitely feeds into a mommy kink or something other. Paul just wants more and more to be honest and you'll give and give.

♡

George

• George is indifferent. He doesn't really know anything about what your talking about and just smiles and nods when you ask him. Though he is a bit intrigued by it, he's also bloody clueless; all he hears is: *giggles* "Let's have sex George!"

• You definitely verbally degrade him and...hit him (erotically don't worry) and edge him....none of this is for any particular reason, he's not naturally submissive, you just find abusing him kind of funny.

• George is surprised because he's actually really into all of it, he's into feeling weak and at your will, really into being slapped across the face and called a whore. He encourages you, and of course it feels perfect. He definitely whimpers like a bitch too as he begs you to let him cum, you mimick him.

You make him repeat stuff back to you as well, "Are you my bitch?" You ask, "I am your bitch." He answers, eager to cum.

"Say please, Georgie." You say, "Please, Y/N, please," he whimpers.

♡

Ringo

• Ringo thinks you're being proper silly. But that's because he thinks your sex life is already exciting enough, so why do you need to dominate him??

• He obviously comes around to the idea though...with a lot of convincing (ha, more like begging) because you are his and he is yours.

• You're like really eager to dominate him so you do a mix of things ehehe. You have a bag of tricks (quite bloody literally) the main way you decide to dominate him through is restraint. You like tying his hands to the bed and deep-throating his cock; he likes that too, you can see it in his face as you go from tip to balls in seconds. You also like seeing how frustrated he gets, fidgeting in his handcuffs, cursing at you.

• Ringo pretends he doesn't like it, but he fucking does. He'll even act like he really doesn't like it in front of you so you can do it more, sneaky, sneaky man. You'll always tease him about it, a little whisper into his ear about what you got up to last night, how submissive he was for you.

This headcanon is so careless whisper coded (help me)

@rogerwifey !!!!!!! Babe it's done !!!!! I hope it's good enough !!!!??!

[daydream-believin]

Like a Boiled Frog (you don't even scream) [Ch. 5]

[Start Here] + [Next Chapter]

Chapter Summary: Test out fun things like ball pits and claw machines. Meet your fellow members of the Fazbear Family. Realize you've made yourself like, the platonic ideal of a potential cold case homicide. Oops.

Warnings: swearing. animal death? neither of the animals that die are animals. and neither of them actually die...

Word count: 4602

A/n: sorry it took me a little longer but, it's longer now. happy thanksgiving break!

Taglist: @spirit-of-the-hollow

You rest your head against the newly painted wall. The other employees flitted around, but you didn’t care. It’s your break and you’re gonna rest, goddamnit.

“Bloody hell. This holiday rush might shut us down before we even get a proper go at it,”

You had no idea when Michael sidled up next to you, but you didn’t even startle at the sound of his voice. You were too damn tired to care.

“Not gonna lie, kinda worried about when those two go home in half an hour and it’s just going to be me, you, and the trash gang,” you gestured to the dining room in front of you, “Because this clearly isn’t calming down anytime soon,”

“Yeah, I really underestimated just how many people would want pizza at 10 o’clock at night. Lucky for us, we just ran out of dough,”

“Oh goody. So we get to go home?”

Relief wasn’t even the word to describe it.

“Well,” Michael rubbed the back of his neck,

 “Not exactly…”

__

Last night had been so fun! Now that Helpy was up, y’all got to finishing testing out all the games in the arcade. Which wasn’t much, since most of the cabinets were still out of working order, but beside the air hockey table there were a few claw machines. And a ‘ball pit’…

That goddamn cardboard box of balls. You hated ball pits normally. Ball pits, foam pits, pillow pits, any type of pit children hurl themselves into like lemmings, really. But this thing put Dashcon to shame. You wouldn’t be surprised if someone had somehow pissed in it even though it was brand new and hadn’t been exposed to the public yet. This thing’s aura just felt that horrible.

So of course Michael thought it a grand idea to throw Helpy into it.

In his defense, the robot had practically begged him. Even though the little guy couldn’t speak as much as just make noises, he was very persuasive. To be honest, it was pretty cute watching Helpy get so excited at the prospect of doing exactly what he was made to do, help. And he was the only person in the room who feasibly could test the ball pit. So after watching him wade around in there for a bit, you thought nothing of the bear climbing back into Michael’s arms and miming to ask to be tossed back in.

“You wanna jump? Okay, one, two—“ the little bear looked determined as Michael wound up to throw him, “THREE!”

Helpy flew through the air, eyes wide and squeaking in glee.

And then,

CRACK.

You just stood there with your mouth open, staring in disbelief at the sight before you. Beside you Michael whispered a small, “Oh shit…”

Neither of you said a word as you stared at Helpy’s now limp and lifeless body. You could hear your heartbeat.

RIP Helpy, alive for an hour before he broke his little neck. He died doing what he loved: being hurled into ball pits.

Initial shock over with, this was actually pretty funny, and you were trying so very hard not to bust out into laughter. You know, considering this meant another headache for Mike as he would have to fix the robot now. He might not appreciate your entertainment in this situation.

Michael deeply sighed. A bloody shame. And more work.

“NOOooo, little guy!” You approached the little robot, shaking your head as you stared down at him.

You reached a hand down to start picking him up off the floor when Helpy jolted back to life, a loud cartoon ding! playing, promptly giving you a heart attack.

As you clutched at your chest, Helpy got back to his feet and dusted himself off.  He looked up to chirp at you and Mike, giving a thumbs-up with another silly little sound effect to assure you he was all good.

Well, at least you can breathe again at this point. Some Looney Tunes ass shit that Mike’s programmed here. Geez.

Michael gave Helpy a quick check-up to see what he broke but the little robot had only sustained a few scratches and a loose wire here and there, nothing major thanks to Mike’s excellent craftsmanship. Helpy was just as chipper as ever. No harm no foul.

The claw machine tests were a lot less eventful.

Well, no, that’s a lie. After the initial tests proved all four of the machines worked, it quickly became a competition to see which of you could actually win without maintenance-mode turned on.

Spoiler alert. It was Michael. The lucky bastard.

He not only won, either, he got multiple wins as you continued to try, determined to show him you could at least get one. If you were using actual money and not just Fazcoins that Mikey had a bucket of, you’d have already spent a highschool kid’s hard-earned part-timer paycheck. Good thing this is fake and the stakes are so low. But this was about honor at this point.

He leaned against the glass of the machine, smugly watching as you struggled. He had his arms crossed with that cocky smirk you noticed he had whenever you played the arcade games together. You know, in the all-of-two instances that’s happened. The colorful lights of the machine bounced off his features, giving him a bit of a glow as he snickered when you failed once again. Kinda distracting, in combination with the annoying ass carnival music the machine played. It’s kinda cheating. Yeah.

As the loud “you lose” tone played once again, Mikey laughed full-bellied, shoulders shaking, “C’mon, mate. Give up. I don’t think you’re going to do it tonight,”

“No. You shut up,” you childishly stuck your tongue out at him, “I’m going to get it this time, new strategy,”

Michael rolled his eyes, “Sure,”

He’d already won three times, so getting this one wasn’t going to win you the little war you two had. There was technically no point. But you still really really wanted to win at least once. Some kind of driving factor here. Maybe you wanted to wipe that smug grin off his face. Maybe you were trying to impress him. Who knows.

What you did know, however, was that by some miracle, the claw was actually working for you. You stared in disbelief as it dragged the stuffed animal across the air and didn’t drop it this time. You didn’t even realize you had been holding your breath until the “you win!” jingle was loudly blaring from the machine.

“…I did it?” you turned to Michael, “I did it!”

You held up your hand for a high five. He laughed and shook his head in disbelief as he met your hand with his.

“Well I’ll be,” that sounded strange coming from his accent. Mike came around to pat you on the shoulder, “you actually won,”

“You better watch out, I’ll start practicing and give you a run for your money soon,”

“Oh sure,” He bent to pick up the stuffed animal from the prize cubby to put in back in the machine, “I’m SO scare—“

In his hands lied good ol’ psychic friend Fredbear.

Oh. You kinda forgot all about him, busy with Michael. Whoops.

“…I think we should call it a night,” Michael’s voice was now devoid of all playfulness as he turned the plushy around in his hands.

“… Yeah.” you answered dumbly.

Michael started walking off, expecting you to follow. Which you did, of course. Damn. Already in some sort of routine here.

You two made your way to the restaurant’s office, of which you remembered from earlier today when Mike told you it was off-limits and you should never go in there without him. Ominous.

When he opened the door, it just got stranger. It looked like any ordinary run-of-the-mill office. As long as you looked straight forward. If you looked to either side of the room, however, there were GIGANTIC FUCKING VENTILATION OPENINGS?? Like a fully grown adult person could get in there easily without having to crawl on their belly like a snake. An elementary schooler could get in there and run around.

“What in hell—“

“Don’t ask. Explaining it would take way too much time and energy,”

“That’s cryptid as fuck but okay,” you’d pick a different battle than this.

Michael gently placed the Fredbear plushy down on top of the printer, “You comfy Fredbear?”

The stuffed bear did not answer.

“That’s great! Goodnight buddy,��

Michael pushed past you to leave but you stayed there in the doorway, transfixed on the doll. Its eyes bore into you, just like they always did. You really should bring Fredbear home with y—

“Come on!” Michael called to you from the front door.

You shook your head, trance broken, “Yeah!”

You shut the door tightly behind you, even though you knew it wouldn’t make a difference if the haunted plush wanted to be somewhere else. It was more for you than anything.

You almost ran through the door Michael was holding open for you.

Ah, but once in the car, you couldn’t help but be curious and get on Mike’s nerves. As you do.

You turned down the radio to talk, “So. You don’t want your dead baby brother’s bear in the house?”

“Absolutely not. Once you invite them in, they won’t leave you alone,”

Well, that was in fact the deal with ghosts, so you could see it, but,

“You don’t want to be haunted by your own dead brother?”

He sighed, “Look, I’ve already been there, okay? He doesn’t even— and that other little freak’s probably with him too so— I don’t—  It’s not like a fun family bonding experience, Y/n,”

You could give him that. And truth be told, you were tired of living in haunted houses. At least Michael’s place seemed to only be haunted by one singular ghoul, himself. You could handle that. You weren’t sure you could handle more though, so maybe he’s right.

Maybe he’s really right. Why were you even arguing against this? Hoo boy. This godforsaken town is making you crazier already.

Speaking of more ghosts, did he say ‘that other little freak’? There’s two? Did Evan’s ghost have a friend? Strange, you had gotten the impression that the spirit was lonely, like you. And like, that’s why he’s haunting you, right? It was all just more to the mystery. And you didn’t want to be dealing with that mystery 24/7. You and Michael aren’t the Scooby-Doo gang.

“…You’re right.”

Michael sighed and adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. Reaching over, he turned the radio back up.

You wanted to ask him more about the supposed second ghost, but he looked so tense, his knuckles gripping the steering wheel so tightly. Eyes locked forward. It’s probably a conversation that can be had later. It’s not like you’ll be able to forget about it.

 The rest of the ride home was silent.

—

You padded out of the bathroom, now in your official “Fazbear uniform” (Just a red button up with the black jeans you had already been wearing when you rolled into town. You technically didn’t work there so it’s not like you had a uniform shirt or a nametag or any of that) and ready to start your first day at the pizzeria. The pizzeria’s first day at the pizzeria too. Excited wasn’t really the word, but you sure were feeling ready for the onslaught of opening day.

As you made your way into the kitchen, you were met with the sight of one zombie man reading the news on his laptop at the table. Dressed very nicely for the occasion, Michael had on a muted cyan button down with the addition of a gold vest and a navy tie. Dark grey slacks. You know the outfit. Hoo boy. Men in vests. Damn you wish you could wolf whistle.

“Whew-ee, someone’s looking spiffy,” you smirked as you made your way to the table, “we need to take a picture to commemorate the moment, chh-ch,” you mimed taking a snapshot.

“Stop. I look fine,” he grumbled, continuing to read the article about the zoo’s latest baby otter so he didn’t have to look at you.

You noticed that along with his name tag, which said “Manager Mike”, he also had a few vintage looking buttons displaying the faces of the characters pinned to his lapel. Cute.

You hefted yourself onto the tabletop to sit, now looking down at him, “I know. That’s what I said. You look fine,”

Mike finally pulled his attention away from the news to look up at you. He just stared, so after a while you raised your eyebrows in question. He broke away, shaking his head a bit.

“I’m sorry. I—“, he suddenly got very interested in the floor tiles, “I guess I’m just not used to compliments, genuine ones, at least,”

Dammit. You really wish Michael had a working circulatory system. What you wouldn’t give to see this man blush.

But. That’s also really sad. What’s been going on in this poor zombie man’s personal life all these years. You had a sneaking suspicion you knew, with a reaction like that. It was all too familiar.

“That’s okay.. Uh, me—me neither,” you checked your watch to avoid having to look at him this time, “Oh, we need to go. Like right now. We’ll be late,”

Michael stood up at your words, clearly eager to leave this awkward conversation, and offered you a hand to help you get down. Which you didn’t need, because like, you just had to slide off the table and onto your feet. Easy.

But that’s an excuse to hold your hand, isn’t it?

Eh. You might just be making mountains out of molehills here…

——

On the short drive to the pizzeria, Michael almost hit a dog.

Or at least. You hope it was a dog. It had to be a dog… The way it dragged its limp body away into a bush.. So unnaturally… You shivered at the thought…

Well, nevermind all that!

Things were pretty normal before the employees arrived. Just you and Mike doing some last-minute cleaning, such as vacuuming up all the gypsum flecks that had made its way to the dining room floor during reno. Once the kids did get there, though, then things got a little funny. Henry had made up a mask to help Michael blend in more with the aforementioned not-dead people. Although, you personally thought a silly white bear mask made him stick out more. But whatever works.

Oh you needed to see him interact with Helpy when he had the mask on, actually. It would be adorable.

So, about those not-dead people.

You finally got to meet Vanessa and Travis. Turns out they were real after all. Silly you for doubting.

Vanessa was a sweet girl, and very excited to start her first job because it made her feel “all grown up” as she told you while you helped her put all the chairs down in the dining room.

Apart from the regular Fazbear uniform, she had a gajillion kandi bracelets on her wrists over a pair of long fingerless gloves. Like Mike, she also had a bunch of Fazbear character buttons, but these looked much newer. Maybe she got them from her older siblings or just a goodwill in the area. Who knows. To top off the look, her fluffy blond hair had some raccoon rainbow highlights, just so her friends will think she’s dynamite~. Or something.

Travis was. Definitely a guy. Look up “white guy stock image” and then put a red Fazbear uniform shirt onto him. There you go. That’s Travis. Mike had him prepping in the kitchen, so you didn’t see much of him. And he’s probably not important, so let’s skip over him.

One person you had been waiting to meet, however, was not there. The ever-mysterious Uncle Henry. Elusive too, it seemed. You don’t know what you were picturing. Not an older Michael, since you knew Henry was the stepdad. The dad who stepped up. Maybe a humanized Freddy? Guess it’ll remain a mystery.

Right after the clock struck 10:00am, just an hour before opening, Michael came out of his office, keys in hand, muttering to himself. You watched him turn about the room to get his bearings, secretly entertained at how silly he looked in that bear mask. Once he spotted you and Vanessa, he made his way for the dining room to talk to y’all, hanging in the doorway,

“Vanessa, you’re in charge while I’m out,”

Vanessa quickly put up her hand in salute, promising that she wouldn’t let him down.

Well. Okay then. That kinda stung. He trusted this teenager more than you? Fine then y—

“Y/n, c’mon let’s go,” he waved his hand towards the door, expecting you to leave with him.

Oh. Okay… Alright. You could vibe with that. Cool mystery errand time. Hopefully it’s not something insane like hiding a body, but hey, if it was, then that means Mike extra trusts you.

Thankfully he took off that stupid bear mask while in the car. Probably way too hot to keep it on, but you liked to think that he just felt comfortable as himself around you. That being said, you get the feeling that if you had met him a little later than you did, when he was wearing the mask, he probably wouldn’t be as confident. Maybe even terrified of letting you see him like this…

Thankfully, none of that mattered.

It wasn’t too long, just about fifteen minutes, before you were pulling into the driveway of some random house in a more rural part of town. The house was pretty big and looked like it was probably fancy too once upon a time. But time had taken its toll on the place by now. A flipper would have a field day turning this thing into a soulless modern home.

Michael visibly tensed up as he pulled into the driveway. You put a hand on his shoulder, attached to the arm still strangling the steering wheel. His eyes darted to yours as you made contact, and he looked about ready to go into fight or flight, so you didn’t break it.

“Hey,” you moved your thumb slowly along his bicep, trying to calm him down, “I don’t know what’s in there, but at least you’ve got backup.”

He continued to stare you down.

You pointed to your chest, “Me. I’m the backup,”

He broke away from eye contact, shaking his head in exasperation, “Yes, I know... This— This is just a lot… I try to stay away from here as much as humanly possible,”

You rubbed his shoulder gently, as you didn’t quite know what would hurt him at this point, or at least accidentally break his skin. He had to be pretty fragile. Pretty easy to rip apart. In fact you weren’t entirely sure how he was even being held together in the first place. Magic, you guessed… or dismissed, more like it.

“I can go, uh, do whatever you need to do, so you don’t have to—,” you began.

“No,” he cut you off, “He won’t open the door for you, might try to shoot you, even. He doesn’t know you,”

“Ah, yeah, you’re right I…” you rubbed the back of your neck, “I keep forgetting none of this is any of my business… Wait, I’m sorry he might what?”

Mike let out a pained chuckle, “It’s fine,” he rubbed the bridge of his nose, “it’s not like he’s going to open the door for me either,”

Well, apparently Michael isn’t too worried about the “the person inside has a gun” part. So it’s probably fine, like he said. Probably…

Man, you’ve been putting a lot of trust in a zombie you met like three days ago.

Hmmm. Well. It’s not like you have anything to lose here. At least when you die it can be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Michael knocked very loudly and deliberately on the door, and then rang the doorbell in what could be presumed was a pattern, but maybe it was just random bell spam because he was angry. No one came to open the door, but you heard a lot of scuffling about from behind it.

Mike pulled out his cell phone and started calling. It apparently took too long for the other person to pick up, as he rolled his eyes in impatience.

“Yes, it’s really me. Open the bloody door.”

He aggressively pressed [End Call]. You could tell this man missed having a physical receiver to slam the phone into.

“Did you just have to Two-Factor Authentication this motherfucking door?”

Michael’s deep sigh gave you all the information you needed. Okay, so maybe you are doing an Insane Errand.

The door swung open swiftly, revealing a dark room beyond it. Kinda reminded you of the spring-loaded quickness of the entrance to a possum trap. You actually didn’t want to go in there, you know because of the threatening aura, but Michael boldly walked right in, unbothered. You followed, disciple that you are at this point.

The first thing you noticed was the smell. It was reminiscent of Mike’s place, dust and motor oil and smoke and stale beer. And thus, like Mike’s place, there was a sense of nostalgia to it.

Second, it was pretty dark, but what you did see of the furniture was dated. It was like this place was a time capsule. The living room looked as if it were imported straight from the 70’s. And just like Mike’s place it was covered in various mechanical parts and half-assed machines. Prototypes, as they were called in proper English.

And then you noticed the feral old man holding a whole ass crossbow. At least it wasn’t pointed at you but. Damn. Perhaps Mr. Henry Emily? Considering Mike told you he doesn’t have that large of a social circle. Still. This could be a dealer. You never know.

This heavily armed senior citizen was disheveled, with oil stains on his clothes. The way he stood, ready to flee or pounce at any sudden movement, reminded you of a cat. One of those big fluffy cats that could use a good brushing.

Michael sighed, “I suppose it’s stupid to ask but do you think you could work the restaurant for the weekend? We’re short-staffed and I need all the help I can get.”

Mr. crossbow left a pregnant pause with an icy glare, “… I think we both know why that’s a bad idea, Michael,” he gestured towards you, “Besides, you’ve got an extra hand with Mx. L/n here,”

Okay. So context clues here are really pointing towards Henry. At least you hoped. Although, this wasn’t exactly the cordial man you had been picturing. The kinda man who walks around in a yellow bear suit and talks to kids in a goofy voice. That man was not present at the moment. Even as you stood in his dark and dusty bear cave. It's like that with bears, you guess. You linger too long, or hurt their cubs, or just for the hell of it and suddenly, you were dead. But-- no. Even now, Henry Emily didn't look like the kind of man to kill for the hell of it. Not a polar bear, then.

“A person with a single day of training will be nowhere near as useful as you would,” Michael shot you an apologetic look in an afterthought, “No offense Y/n,”

“None taken!” you weren’t gonna pretend like you were a hot new player in the pizzeria game.

Michael ran an exhausted hand through his hair, “It would just be a lot less stressful if you were there, just briefly. Just through the rushes.”

“Those are the worst times. Think of the foot traffic.” Mr. Crossbow crossed his arms. He looked pretty cross. (ouchie stop throwing stuff at me I’ll stop okay)

Mike took a calming breath with his hands clasped tight in front of him, and yeah, you couldn’t blame him. That was quite literally a ‘yes that’s the whole point’ statement.

“Look, you can work the kitchen the entire time, that way you only have to interact with a few people,” he pleaded.

Henry grumbled, “You know Jeremy never complained when he was short-staffed.”

“Jeremy’s MISSING HIS FRONTAL LOBE,”

Uh. Hopefully that’s unrelated to his position as a Fazbear employee. But you know it’s not. Not even a ‘deep down you knew’ nah the shallowest part of you knows.

You glanced over at Michael again, all undead and stuff. Shit…

“You know what? FINE.” Mike announced as he stalked off towards the kitchen, “where are the damn tapes?” which was perhaps a rhetorical question as he clearly knew they were in the kitchen.

And this left you alone with Henry. Or at least, you thought it was Henry. Probably should ask. You know, like a real person does.

“Henry Emily, I presume?” you held out your hand.

He eyed you suspiciously. Shit. If this ain’t him that’s awkward. At least he shook your hand.

“You would be correct, Y/n L/n,” oh thank God.

“I’m crashing at Mike’s place for a bit,”

“So I’ve heard,” he looked you up and down, like he was taking measurements for your coffin, “… Y/n M/n L/n. twenty-[X]-year-old runaway, far from home. 15-year-old car, not running a tab at any motel. You don’t have a cell phone on you, do you?”

“Um, no?”

“No one knows where you are.” A statement, not a question.

“Uhh—” this was starting to get creepier.

“There was only five, right?” Oh blessed Michael the angel here to rescue you.

“That’s all of them.” Henry replied shortly like he wasn’t just listing out all the reasons they could bury you in the backyard tomorrow without drawing any suspicion whatsoever.

You held out your hands to take some of the tapes Mike was carrying. They didn’t look heavy or anything, but you really needed something to do with your hands. And you needed to feel useful right now. For some unknown reason. He passed a couple to you, sensing this.

“Alright, c’mon Y/n, let’s go,”

You freed up a hand to wave to Henry, “It was nice meeting you, sir,” you lied.

“Likewise,”

“Yeah, bye Henry,” Michael didn’t look back as he shepherded you towards the door.

How much of that did he hear, you wonder. Probably all of it. It wasn’t that big of a house.

“I’m sorry about that,”

Yeah, Mikey heard.

“Um,” you didn’t know how to phrase this politely, “He wasn’t like, threatening me, right?”

Michael made a noncommittal gesture, “Honestly? He could totally have been. But he also just talks like that normally. So who knows,”

“I would like to know,”

He playfully shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. It’s probably fine.”

“Probably isn’t—sigh. Okay,” again, at least you’ll wind up on Buzzfeed Unsolved, “Well, do you think he liked me at all?”

“That I also have no clue about,”

“Then I choose to believe that he thought I was the coolest person in his dark cave of a living room,”

Michael chuckled and rolled his eyes, “Oh, I’m sure that’s true. In those exact words too,”

The pizzeria came in view. Still in one piece and not on fire. So far so good. No immediate disaster. Vanessa did a good job as acting manager. In the all-of-forty-five minutes she was in charge—

Uh. Perhaps you jinxed her, because as soon as you two walked through the door, Vanessa came running into the room like the world’s most nervous cheetah. And that’s saying something, cheetahs are naturally nervous. Her blonde hair was in disarray, little rainbow sprigs sticking out here and there.

“Oh good! You guys are back!”

Her cheerful tone died, “Please help us.”

[thebrickinbrick]

Many Interrogation Points Concerning a Certain Le Cabuc Whose Name May Not Have Been Le Cabuc, Part 2

The murderer turned round and saw before him Enjolras' cold white face.

Enjolras held a pistol in his hand. He had hastened up at the sound of the discharge. He had seized Cabuc's collar, blouse, shirt, and suspender with his left hand.

"On your knees!" he repeated. And, with an imperious motion, the frail young man of twenty years bent the thickset and sturdy porter like a reed, and brought him to his knees in the mire.

Le Cabuc attempted to resist, but he seemed to have been seized by a superhuman hand.

Enjolras, pale, with bare neck and dishevelled hair, and his woman's face, had about him at that moment something of the antique Themis. His dilated nostrils, his downcast eyes, gave to his implacable Greek profile that expression of wrath and that expression of Chastity which, as the ancient world viewed the matter, befit Justice.

The whole barricade hastened up, then all ranged themselves in a circle at a distance, feeling that it was impossible to utter a word in the presence of the thing which they were about to behold.

Le Cabuc, vanquished, no longer tried to struggle, and trembled in every limb.

Enjolras released him and drew out his watch.

"Collect yourself," said he. "Think or pray. You have one minute."

Mercy!" murmured the murderer; then he dropped his head and stammered a few inarticulate oaths.

Enjolras never took his eyes off of him; he allowed a minute to pass, then he replaced his watch in his fob. That done, he grasped Le Cabuc by the hair, as the latter coiled himself into a ball at his knees and shrieked, and placed the muzzle of the pistol to his ear. Many of those intrepid men, who had so tranquilly entered upon the most terrible of adventures, turned aside their heads.

An explosion was heard, the assassin fell to the pavement face downwards.

Enjolras straightened himself up, and cast a convinced and severe glance around him. Then he spurned the corpse with his foot and said: "Throw that outside."

Three men raised the body of the unhappy wretch, which was still agitated by the last mechanical convulsions of the life that had fled, and flung it over the little barricade into the Rue Mondétour.

Enjolras was thoughtful. It is impossible to say what grandiɔse shadows slowly spread over his redoubtable serenity. All at once he raised his voice.

A silence fell upon them.

"Citizens," said Enjolras, "what that man did is frightful, what I have done is horrible. He killed, therefore I killed him. I had to do it, because insurrection must have its discipline. Assassination is even more of a crime here than elsewhere; we are under the eyes of the Revolution, we are the priests of the Republic, we are the victims of duty, and must not be possible to slander our combat. I have, therefore, tried that man, and condemned him to death. As for myself, constrained as i am to do what I have done, and yet abhorring it, I have judged myself also, and you shall soon see to what I have condemned myself."

Those who listened to him shuddered. "We will share thy fate," cried Combeferre.

"So be it," replied Enjolras. "One word more. In executing this man, I have obeyed necessity; but necessity is a monster of the old world, necessity's name is Fatality. Now, the law of progress is, that monsters shall disappear before the angels, and that Fatality shall vanish before Fraternity. It is a bad moment to pronounce the word love. No matter, I do pronounce it. And I glorify it. Love, the future is thine. Death, I make use of thee, but I hate thee. Citizens, in the future there will be neither darkness nor thunderbolts; neither ferocious ignorance, nor bloody retaliation. As there will be no more Satan, there will be no more Michael. In the future no one will kill any one else, the earth will beam with radiance, the human race will love. The day will come, citizens, when all will be concord, harmony, light, joy and life; it will come, and it is in order that it may come that we are about to die."

Enjolras ceased. His virgin lips closed; and he remained for some time standing on the spot where he had shed blood, in marble immobility. His staring eye caused those about him to speak in low tones.

Jean Prouvaire and Combeferre pressed each other's hands silently, and, leaning against each other in an angle of the barricade, they watched with an admiration in which there was some compassion, that grave young man, executioner and priest, composed of light, like crystal, and also of rock.

Let us say at once that later on, after the action, when the bodies were taken to the morgue and searched, a police agent's card was found on Le Cabuc. The author of this book had in his hands, in 1848, the special report on this subject made to the Prefect of Police in 1832.

We will add, that if we are to believe a tradition of the police, which is strange but probably well founded, Le Cabuc was Claquesous. The fact is, that dating from the death of Le Cabuc, there was no longer any question of Claquesous. Claquesous had nowhere left any trace of his disappearance; he would seem to have amalgamated himself with the invisible. His life had been all shadows, his end was night.

The whole insurgent group was still under the influence of the emotion of that tragic case which had been so quickly tried and so quickly terminated, when Courfeyrac again beheld on the barricade, the small young man who had inquired of him that morning for Marius.

This lad, who had a bold and reckless air, had come by night to join the insurgents.

[elise-51-blog]

"Run to Daylight" WIP snippet

“Why do you love sports so much?”

“‘Cos I’m a dumb jock,” Guy laughs, bunting the question away. “Plus there’s beer. And it’s easier than readin’ books and shit.”

“Shut up,” Kyle laughs, shakes his head.

It’s about dinnertime, and he wonders what he has in the fridge or if Kyle might want to get something in a bit except he’s probably not hungry after all the beer and hotdogs. 

“I dunno. I guess it’s just. When everything else in my life was shit, sports seemed like the real thing. Like the only real thing in a world of bullshit.”

Kyle hums. “It’s weird, I mean. I always thought the opposite, to be honest. Everyone cared so much about the football team, or how the basketball team was doing, and just seemed like a distraction from…from actual life. From more important things.”

Guy’s heard this spiel a million times. Mostly from chicks.

Kyle clears his throat. “I mean I--I’m not saying I’m right. It just seemed like everyone always acted like winning on Friday night was like, it’d be the end of the world if the guys lost. But I mean…I didn’t get it. It’s just--it’s literally just a game.”

“And paintin’ pictures, what’s that?” Guy almost tries not to sound too dickish.

Kyle sighs, rolls his eyes, looks away. Oh, but there’s an edge there. Something old. “I don’t think you’d understand what…what that gave me. Art. What it still gives me. It’s making something…something meaningful out of,” Kyle gestures in the air. “Out of what was meaningless.”

Guy knows if this was a movie, he’d be the asshole. Well this ain’t a fuckin’ movie.

“And the football team, just a bunch of morons tossin’ a ball back and forth?”

“That’s not what I said!”

“It’s what you meant.”

“No it’s not--”

“Listen, you say it’s only a game. And you’re right but you’re wrong too.”

There’s a long pause. They’ve never really dug into this truth between them. The gulf of difference. The dumb jock and the sensitive artist thing. Kyle tilts his head at Guy, giving him his full attention. “So tell me.”

“You can’t just put it down on a--on like a postcard. It’s…you gotta see it, right?”

“Sure. Like coming to this game? Green grass and red dirt and, and all that.” 

Guy shakes his head, it’s not what he means, he hates trying to say what he means. 

“It’s more like…it’s Michael Jordan’s jump shot.”

Kyle stares back blankly.

“David Beckham’s corner kick. Joe Montana and Jerry Rice on a Sunday. And it’s--it’s Bob Gibson 1.12 ERA and refusing to shake Joe Torre’s hand ‘cos it’s war and not a picnic. It’s Zizu’s head and Materazzi’s big mouth. It’s Curt Schilling’s bloody sock. It’s Derek Redmond limping to the finish line and Bronko Nagurski crawling to the end zone. It’s a routine ground ball rolling under Bill Buckner’s glove and Steven Gerrard slippin’ on the grass. It’s Barry Bonds’s hat size and Pete Rose’s bookie.” 

Guy doesn’t know how else to say it. It’s just all of it. It’s life but boiled down to the stuff you need. Forget tax returns and the DMV. Just good guys and bad guys. Pure love, pure hatred. Grief, agony, pain you wouldn’t believe. Outrageous joy. Selfishness, sacrifice. Blood, sweat, tears. War. Love to last a lifetime. 

“It’s everything. All of it. It’s all there. On a pitch, or a diamond, or a gridiron. Just…everything. Waitin’ on a whistle.”

“Wow.”

“Fuck off.”

“No, really!” Kyle laughs, clasping Guy’s forearm. “I mean I don’t know who any of those people are--”

“You fucking know David Beckham--”

Kyle laughs, looking away with his eyebrows raised, his dimples deep, his cheeks a little pinker. He looks so good in the ballpark lights, they should wash him out, but they can’t. “Yeah, I know David Beckham.”

[misslavenderlady]

My Baby Bats 💜🦇

This post is in honor of @hypocriticaltypwriter and her own baby bats. This part is about The Lost Boys themselves. There will be a part two with Michael and Star!

So some of you know I love the Sims 4. Back in 2022 I made The Lost Boys in the game because ya girl is obsessed. I also made:

The Emersons

Star and Laddie

Max

Thorn and Nanook

The Frog Brothers

The cave

Grandpa's House

The comic book store

The boardwalk

And....I just so happened to put myself in the game with them. There was no official "story" at first. I just wanted to smooch my boys so bad, and seeing as I don't have any digital art programs (I used to draw but I'm sooooo rusty), the Sims was the perfect way to go about it. 🥰

My sim self had a daughter with each of the boys (because I too wanted to have a gang of Lost Girls lol). I named each girl after the actor their fathers play.

Pictures and story below~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David's Daughter - Kira (the closest I could get to Kiefer)

She admires her father more than anything in the world. She wants to be a good leader and an even better protector of her sisters. Kira never backs down from a fight, often having moments in childhood where she beat up bullies that were harassing her sisters. But she doesn't use her brawn though. She's as smart as a whip, using patience and strategy to navigate life. Always studying her surroundings and knowing what to say or do for her next step. She's a mysterious girl and never reveals what she's thinking or feeling. As far as Kira is concerned, she needs to be on her guard should something happen to her father and she needs to take over as head vampire. That being said, she's very sensitive deep down, and is incredibly close to her parents, never wanting to be away from them for too long. The anxiety overwhelms her. David worries about the pressure she puts on herself.

Dwayne's Daughter - Billie

Billie is a gentle and kind girl. She's quite shy, often keeping to herself whenever she's around someone outside of the family. As a little girl, she would often hide behind her father, too scared to even say hi to new people. Dwayne was incredibly patient with her, and eventually found a way for her to socialize without getting out of her comfort zone. He introduced her to animals and wildlife in the Santa Carla mountains, showing her the hidden beauties of the world. She loves animals so much, and likes to spend time caring for stray cats and dogs she sees on the streets. Billie also inherited her mother's love of writing, and enjoys poetry most. It helps her navigate life and the feelings she has.

Marko's Daughter - Alex

A little artist like her father, Alex has an eye for the most fascinating curiosities around her. She's a jack of all trades, enjoying everything from photography, to sketching, to painting, to jewelry making. She has so many ideas, and her dad is more than happy to support her vision. She's also a little troublemaker like Marko, often going out to spray graffiti on the walls of various Santa Carla buildings. She's not afraid of causing some mischief if it means expressing herself. Alex also has a fondness of spooky stuff. She has a crystal ball, a collection of candles, tarot cards, and has a planchet earring that she uses whenever she wants to break out the ouija board. She's loves playing fun, witchy games with her sisters during sleepovers. Stuff like Bloody Mary and Light as a Feather, Stuff as a board.

Paul's Daughter - Brooke

Oh she's definitely her father's daughter. Brooke is a little wild child, always eager for an adventure. She's got plenty of energy to burn, dancing and running and jumping off furniture. She loves to stay up late and play video games or have dance parties with her sisters. Above all, her biggest passion is music. Growing up she listened to her father play guitar a lot, and immediately got inspired. He was more than happy to teach her, and ever since then, she's had a dream of becoming a rock star. She's got the energy and the beautiful singing voice for it after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some pics of the baby bats:

I'm gonna reblog this post with more baby bat pics from when the girls were little. Stay tuned!

[nezumithewriter]

season three of the magnus archives was fucking awesome

ep 81: "guess who got framed for murder" "anyways my childhood was fucked up"

ep 82: "it was a little bloody and i didn't like daisy" - my mother

ep 83: "JON? There's a weird letter in the mailbox for you. Says.. uh... 'statement of'" jon crashing through the wall with tape recorder sfx

ep 84: I GOT A JOB AT THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE?!? (I'M INEXTRICABLY TIED TO A BEING BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION)

ep 85: The man was there but also wasn't, fuck you want from me?

ep 86: Holy fuck i love melanie king i can't think of a funny 3am joke for this one except i can WORKING MY JOB AT THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES (READ A PAPER ABOUT CHILDHOOD TRAUMA) (MY COWORKERS NEED THERAPY) but seriously i love melanie king so much i need her to get out of there and to safety

ep 87: the Stranger watching this plumber with adhd swag walk in, fix their pipes, and leave despite all of the dead people's faces being cut off around him

ep 88: DIG.

ep 89: girlboss explains her fire fetish to concerned eldritch entity in training, oh and also AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ep 90: dude calm the fuck down they're just doing some reps on the high bar so what if they have no eyes it's fine dude why are you running

ep 91: Daisy Tonner kills mr. blue sky

ep 92: Elias really said "acab, also i killed gertrude and leitner lol. we're at war with a dozen or so eldritch abominations"

ep 93: Jonathan Sims explains the magnus archives lore to his friends after reading a statement about the corruption from terraria

ep 94: "the monster stole all of my 'give a damn' many years ago"

ep 95: Basira reading her alchemy book two feet away while Martin has a crisis over the fact he can feel the emotions of the statement giver when recording

ep 96: Jon and Daisy do a silly and commit a crime or two (broke and entered, murdered a mandela catalogue alternate, etc)

ep 97: "Are you going to kill me?" "What?? No!!!" "..." "well not rn!!!"

ep 98: "Are you worried about getting fired?" Melanie on her way to commit attempted murder

ep 99: Jonathan Sims gets kidnapped by the clown police (ASMR)

ep 100: can't believe we got The Spiral, The Desolation, The Web, the Dark/Buried, the Lonely in the same episode. the statements were so well done and the were clear and precise

ep 101: "why is the door locked" michael, 2 seconds before helen has a gamer's rise up moment

ep 102: knives, beetle wives, french, oh my!

ep 103: jon really said "fuck it we ball" and decided to use his eldritch powers to be petty

ep 104: "Tim! I might be an eldritch monster but that was unacceptable!"

ep 105: "你说中文?" "no i don't speak chinese"

ep 106: FUCK YOU ELIAS (GONE WRONG) (I WANT THIS BITCH DEAD)

ep 107: JON EATS THE STATEMENTS AND ALSO TREVOR AND JULIA ARE THERE THIS IS THE FIRST EPISODE WHERE I FELT INCREDIBLY EXCITED IS THIS WHAT MCU FANS FELT LIKE ENDGAME

ep 108: "Was he… woOoOo?" -- Basira Hussain, 2017

ep 109: FNAF but with three screaming corpses and a guy

ep 110: trans cinematographer deconstructs the film industry (and mr spider is there too)

ep 111: Jon interviews an emo book (real)

ep 112: #1 Victory Royale

ep 113: "STOP-- touching the plastic explosive"

ep 114: daisy and tim getting happy over the prospect of exploding a circus

ep 115: delicious, finally some good fucking food

ep 116: fuck your dance in particular *CANNON SFX*

ep 117: "hope we don't die!" vs tim and daisy's "fuck it we ball"

ep 118: Martin gets to commit arson-- FUCK YOU ELIAS FUCK YOU ELIAS FUCK YOU ELIAS FU

ep 119: genuinely one of the coolest episodes i've ever listened to due in part to the fact that i was just as confused as the characters (i listened without a transcript). The ways the stranger fucks with the archives team while they're slowly going insane from how much they've forgotten and no longer understand is phenomenal. I'm gonna miss Tim.

ep 120: world's weirdest clipshow that ends with police brutality

[caputgeratlupinum]

In which I (re) watch Robin of Sherwood

In the dim and distant past (of a few years ago) I started watching Robin of Sherwood. I dropped out after the end of season 2, when *events* happened (if you know, you know).

Anyway, this to say that I started watching it again, and I thought it would be fun to record my reactions to it. I remember it as being a good if slightly silly show, so... we'll see how it holds up.

EPISODE ONE - ROBIN HOOD AND THE SORCERER (PART 1)

We are starting off strong with the Ominous Bad Guy theme that sent me back to the last time I watched this with the force of a hammer (this show has about five soundtracks and they all come up like once an episode).

Our introduction to adult Robin is him running to the top of a... something, I'm not sure if it's a hill or a ledge or what. Anyway he runs there, stops, and screams 'MUCH!'. Which must be wildly confusing if you're not familiar with Robin Hood.

ITVX doesn't let me take screenshots (tragically) but I need you all to know that Guy of Gisborne looks about twelve and speaks like he went to fancy boarding school.

Hi Will Scarlet I have fond memories of you from last time! And I think this might be the first time he's 'scarlet' as in 'bloody' rather than named for his hair or clothes. Also the second Will tells them his name another man steps out of the shadows to introduce himself like he's desperate to get in on the action.

ROBERT! ROBERT! BY CHRIST ROBERT I WILL NOT LOSE MY FISHPOND! 10/10 introduction no notes. Genius move to give the Sheriff an annoying brother in the form of Abbot (??) Hugo.

Sheriff duties: keep on top of the poachers in the forest, and meet with the evil sorcerer baron and his... possessed slave? I'm vague on what position Little John holds here.

Sorry, Sir Evil Baron (yes I know his name is Simon de Bellame. I'm ignoring that), but I don't believe for a second that your wife taking her own life was nothing to do with you.

Did I mention Marian and Tuck are here? They are! I love them both very much.

I can't believe they that they just leave Rat Man and Arthur behind. I demand a spin-off about what happened to them.

'You're like a May morning.' *climbs out the window without another word* I mean to be fair to Robin if I tried that line I'd probably also flee immediately afterwards.

I really wish I could do screenshots because Herne the Hunter's vision of various events with Evil Baron's face over it all, slowly getter bigger and bigger, is truly a sight to behold. Robin honestly took that pretty well.

The classic bridge fight is very enjoyable but I am haunted by the knowledge of the blooper reel where Michael Praed gets hit in the balls. And Robin's dramatic scream as he falls off the bridge is sending me.

Last time I wasn't really sure how to feel about the Herne the Hunter stuff, and right now I'm in the same place. uhh... stag-man. With vague prophecies. I dunno... 'when the horned one possesses me' ok but who are you when he's not possessing you? How does one become possessed by the horned one in the first place (I know none of this is the point. I just have questions!)

If I were one of the merry men, I would find it easier to agree with Robin's Heroic Inspiring SpeechTM if it hadn't started with him explaining how he's been 'awakened' by a deer-headed man.

I feel like Will saying, 'You should have killed him. You'll have to someday.' is setting up for a conflict down the line where Robin has to make a Choice about Gisborne some day, but I don't remember any such plot.

aaand that's it! I didn't mention every single thing that happened, there's a lot happening in this episode. Genuinely had a good time though! Despite my poking fun at stuff, I do actually like this show.

[silverhallow]

Strangers All At Once: Love the Hell out of You - Epilogue

Strangers All At Once Masterpost

Prev | Next

You got your demons, spent seasons on the dark side of the moon Don't try denying 'cause you know that I've been there too Right now, I know how it feels like the world's gonna end But I'll get you through if it's the last thing I do

I'm gonna love the hell out of you Take all the pain that you're going through I'll bring you heaven if that's what you need 'Cause you've always loved the hell out of me

The following morning Sophie made her way down to the kitchen, ignoring the delicious ache in her limbs from her evening with Benedict, to be greeted by four very tired, covered in icing sugar, fondant and food colouring people.

“Have you been up all night?” she asked, looking at Michael and Phillip who were still just about standing at the bench and then at Eloise and Francesca, both of whom were slumped over the counter, coffee cups in hand, clearly asleep.

“Yes” Michael said a little hysterically, “we can’t get the bloody jasmines right”

Sophie chuckled lightly “it’s fine, don’t worry about it. I didn’t actually expect you to stop up all night. Go get some sleep. Ben and I can put the rest of this together” 

“But the decorations” Phillip asked

“Are actually already done… this was a minor punishment” Sophie grinned

“MINOR?” Michael yelled, waking Eloise and Francesca up.

“What’s going on…” Eloise said tiredly rubbing her eyes

“SOPHIE HAS THE DECORATIONS ALL READY MADE”

“What?” said Francesca looking a little peeved.

“I didn’t expect them to rope you two in but it was punishment, or part of it anyway… for breaking my bloody oven!” Sophie scowled at Mike, who’s anger quickly faded as he remembered that Sophie knew about that.

“You broke her oven?” Francesca asked bewildered

“And he still has his life and balls?” Eloise asked, shocked.

“Hence why it’s some…” Sophie said “but unless you want to stop and finish building the cake. Clear off” 

Michael and Phillip ran out of the kitchen before Sophie yanked them back in. Eloise and Francesca followed them but as they left Sophie called out “El… btw if you ever go into my office at the cafe again, i’m going to stop making the treats you like…”

Sophie heard the squeak and then Benedict appeared in the kitchen, the three trays of decorations retrieved from Sophie’s car “she went as pale as the icing there”

“Good” Sophie grinned making her way over, dropping a kiss onto Benedict’s cheek “shall we get on with this?”

Benedict nodded and they set to work.

The finished cake took them most of the day to complete and as they completed the cake, Benedict celebrated by picking Sophie up and spinning her around before placing her on the counter and kissing her.

It was at that moment that Kate and Anthony came in, unaware that Sophie and Benedict were back together and it was a yell of “What the fuck!” coming from Anthony and a cheer from Kate that broke them apart, causing them both to flush bright red.

“What the hell is going on?” Anthony asked 

“Is it obvious?” Kate replied, swatting him and rolling her eyes.

“We finished the cake,” Benedict said rather dumbly.

“Not shit Sherlock, but I was referring to you two…” Anthony said

“Again… obvious isn’t it?” Kate chuckled. “Clearly they’re back together, your mum’s meddling worked, didn’t it?”

Sophie blushed and nodded “it did…”

“Good, now can you move away from our wedding cake, i’d rather it not have any sex fluids on it” Kate said with a wicked grin, which caused Benedict and Sophie to blush even further.

“We weren’t… I wouldn’t…” Sophie stammered

“Oh i know but come on, we’ve got the rehearsal for tomorrow and I want to know all the details” Kate said, grabbing Sophie’s arm and dragging her away as Anthony turned to Benedict.

“Are you okay… i mean you said…” Anthony said carefully, wanting to make sure Benedict was actually on board with him and Sophie.

“It was all a lie. She left because she heard part of our conversation two years ago when i said I wasn’t going to ask her to marry me tomorrow. Only she didn’t hear the tomorrow. I would actually marry her tomorrow instead of you and Kate… unless you want to double up” Benedict beamed.

Anthony laughed “no thanks. But that is way to quick… you have literally been together 24 hours maybe?”

“Something like that but I am going to ask her to marry me, but maybe at Christmas instead” Benedict grinned

Anthony rolled his eyes “probably still too quick”

“Don’t care. I listened to everyone last time and it bit me in the arse and left me heart broken for two years. I love her and she loves me, i know she’s it for me” Benedict said stubbornly.

“Fair… but you do realise it means we’re gonna have married best friends” Anthony said “and we’ll never have a moments peace…”

“As long as we don’t manage to knock them up at the same time…” Benedict said.

“WILL YOU TWO HURRY UP!” Kate yelled

Leaving neither of them a chance to reply.

The wedding was beautiful, the sun shone over Aubrey Hall and Newton was the perfect ring bearer, and Hyacinth made Gregory sneeze by shoving rose petals in his face.

But Benedict, nor Sophie remembered any detail of the day, other than each other.

They found themselves transported to their own wedding day. As Benedict has said to his brother, Benedict did propose to Sophie over Christmas, waiting until New Years Eve and as the clock was counting down to Midnight, he got down on one knee and asked her the question he’d been itching to ask since the morning after they got back together.

They moved in with one another within a week of Kate and Anthony’s wedding as Sophie’s flat above the cafe was engulfed in smoke and became uninhabitable, even the cafe had to be shut for two months, after the man Michael had asked to come fix the oven, made it worse.

Michael avoided Sophie for as long as he could, he had still been waiting for his punishment for breaking the oven in the first place and he was terrified. 

But it was Belinda’s christening that forced him to see her.

He looked sheepish and hid behind Francesca for most of it the christening and tried hiding at the party after at Aubrey Hall only for him to walk into the drawing room as Sophie was walking out.

He squeaked and out of sheer shock dropped his entire glass of red wine down the front of Sophie in her light blue dress.

“Shit. shit. Shit!” he said but Sophie just rolled her eyes and hugged Michael. “What the fuck is that for?” he asked, completely taken aback.

“Breaking my oven” she grinned as Michael looked at her like she’d lost her mind.

“How much have you had to drink?” he asked her, wondering if she was drunk.

“Nothing. But if you’d not broken my oven, i’d have not gone to Aubrey and made up with Benedict, I'd have gone back to France and been miserable… and well now…” she grinned as she looked across the room at her boyfriend.

“But you… punishment…” Michael stammered

“I think you thinking that i’m going to do something was punishment enough” she grinned before walking away, leaving Mike standing there completely stunned.

It was from then onwards that Benedict had begun planning his proposal, he knew there was no way he could make it a public proposal as Sophie would kill him so he planned to sneak her out to the garden, where he knew the fireworks would be going off at Midnight and with about 10 minutes to go, it was where he would declare himself.

“Soph, i know we’ve had our ups and downs, we had a good start, those 100 days were the best 100 days of my life but I stupidly let others influence me and didn’t talk to you and i so nearly lost you for good, it took us time but we got there in the end… I never thought i’d be grateful for a fire, but I am. Waking up to you every morning, seeing your face before bed every night, is just how I want to spend the rest of my life. I know you have moments where the words that Araminta used to torment you with come crashing in, tormenting you and those demons are what I want to chase away. I’d Take all the pain that you're going through and I'll bring you heaven if that's what you need and in the moments when you feel half complete, I am going to love the hell out of you, if you’ll let me. You’re everything I ever wanted, everything i’ll ever need, so… that being said, I know you might think it’s too soon and i’m not say we have to do it tomorrow… but Sophie…” he dropped himself down onto one knee and finally, presented her the ring he’d picked out, the emerald and diamond ring that belonged to his grandmother, “will you marry me”

“Oh my god yes, yes, yes!” she squealed, throwing herself in his arms and kissing him just as the fireworks were set off.

It was the perfect setting, Aubrey Hall was the place where they’d fell apart and came back together, it would be the place 6 months after their engagement they would marry. It would be were they told the family they were expecting each of their four babies and be the place where they’d find the space to make their own home, their cottage, that the cafe was named after.

Benedict would be by her side when they reopened the cafe, having expanded it, making it larger. It would be the place Sophie told Benedict she was expecting their children, where she’d bake a cake to reveal that he was finally getting his wish in having a baby girl, and where he would discover his own love of baking and jam making and they would eventually run it together and teach their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren how to bake, before finally passing it over to William and his cousin Charlotte to run the 15 stores they ended up opening over the years.

They got back together over cake, so it was fitting that the cafe and cake was a big part of their life together and how, when they finally slipped away from this earth, just minutes apart holding hands well into their 90s, that their children, grand and great grandchildren would remember them, over cake in the original cafe.

[romancemedia]

I can finally start to really enjoy the Doctor Elise episodes now that Linden's alter-ego, Ron has come into the picture. Linden will finally start to get to spend some time with Elise and soon he's going to fall for her hard. Plus we're getting closer to some other stories I'm VERY much looking forward to, especially a certain one in particular...

The Royal Birthday Celebration is the one I've been looking forward to the most and my gut's telling me it won't be much longer left until it finally airs. Elise and her family will attend a special ball, where Elise makes amends with her former love rival, Yulian de Childe and she'll get to share a dance with Linden!

Plus I have a hunch the episode's ending may very well lead to Elise being confined in the Bloody Tower, where she'll receive a secret midnight visit from Linden and soon her friendship with Michael will start to ignite!

We are getting closer! It's only a matter of time. I Just REALLY Want to see this episode!!!!

[sitp-recs]

Hi! I recently read Here’s Looking At You Kid by MesserMoon and loved it. It was a rarepair I’ve never heard of (George/Blaise), and I wanted to ask: do you have any fav fics featuring rarepairs that are practically unknown/no one talks about them? Thank you!

Hi anon! I’ve heard great things about this fic, was even thinking about reading it on my trip but I ended up taking a break from fandom too 🤣 I’m a bit hesitant to declare this or that ship as popular/non-popular bc perception is often deceiving - my Tumblr bubble talks a lot about some rare pairs that are not necessarily popular on AO3 (like Harry/Teddy, here’s a specific list if anyone’s interested) while other ships are not as popular here but have over 1k fics (like Harry/Pansy). In the end I didn’t want to overthink this so I just went for my favorite fics — there are quite a few het ships and they are not generally long; I like my rare pairs short & smutty like the doctor ordered 👍🏼 lastly, I wanna mention two authors who write a variety of excellent rare pairs: pauraque and AU champion provocative_envy. You can’t go wrong with any of their fics!

Harry's Pots by HenryMercury (G, 1.8k) - Harry/Dean

Dean goes to art school in the States for four years and when he comes back Harry bloody Potter has become a maker and merchant of ceramics.

Between the Houses by @thesleepiesthufflepuff (E, 2k) - Dean/Charlie

He paused on the doormat, taking out the ring that he’d stowed away several hours ago. Its white golden band caught on the amber light coming from the torches that lined the road of houses, and nestled in the middle of the ring was a circular moonstone that had belonged to his great-great-grandmother.

They Bought A Sports Bar by @fw00shy (T, 2.2k) - Ginny/Cho

Ginny buys a sports bar (run-down biker pub, really) and ropes Cho into helping out. They're just business partners, so why does everyone else think they're more?

lace and scars by tryslora (E, 2.2k) - Lavender/Hermione

No one can wear lace like Lavender can.

Up the Road by @ruinsplume (T, 2.6k) - Tonks/Charlie

The best way, Tonks thinks, would be to take the initiative herself. But it has to be a boy she can stand to ask, one who won’t laugh at her, one who might actually agree to what Tonks knows is a preposterous situation, even if she can’t say exactly why.

Hand Check by provocative_envy (T, 2.7k) - Theo/Blaise

“I’m just . . .” Blaise trails off, realizing he probably doesn’t need to explain to Nott why he’s buying lube. Except—he wants to. He wants to explain to Nott why he’s buying lube. In detail. Graphic detail. Exceptional detail. He wants to demonstrate, wants to show off, wants to outline all the ways he’s uniquely qualified to take care of Nott, all the reasons he’s uniquely capable of taking care of Nott. How he can do it better. Do it best. “Yeah.”

Drip, Honey, Drip by tamlane (E, 3k) - Lily Luna/Michael Corner

Lily's boss catches her daydreaming on a Friday afternoon. He thinks there could be a business opportunity in it, and he wants to hear more. Sequel here.

Seasonal by provocative_envy (M, 3.4k) - Narcissa/Charlie

Charlie’s balls-to-the-wall stupid gap year finally sputters to a grinding, inauspicious halt somewhere in the rural Tuscan countryside.

Mothering Sunday by pauraque (T, 3.6k) - Astoria/Narcissa

Narcissa always wanted a little girl of her own, and Astoria never really had a proper Mum. Together they build something that neither of them ever knew was possible.

Boyfriend Dick by fw00shy (E, 3.8k) - Pansy/Percy

Percy was the Parkinson accountant. He had no business babysitting Pansy on her birthday yacht. Pansy was turning twenty-one. She was a bloody adult, and she was going to prove it to everyone by fucking the Weasley nerd.

Her Life in Dreams and Wakefulness by rillalicious (M, 4.2k) - Luna/Gabrielle

The first time she has the dream, Gabrielle is sixteen years old.

Life During Wartime by ruinsplume (E, 4.6k) - Sirius/Charlie

Between worrying about whether his father will recover from the snake bite and being jam-packed into Grimmauld Place with a family that doesn't understand him, Charlie's having a rough time of it. Fortunately for him, Sirius is going to smooth things out.

The Secret Incantation by pauraque (E, 5k) - Sirius/Hermione

This is what she wants. This is what he needs.

Puddlemere’s New Man by mindabbles (E, 6k) - Teddy/Oliver

Teddy is willing to put in the work. He’s willing to practice twice as hard as anyone else, except that no one can out-work Oliver — a fact that Teddy finds he doesn’t mind in the least.

Postscript by provocative_envy (T, 6.5k) - Harry/Pansy

Pansy is getting married for all the wrong reasons, and then she meets Harry.

On the Same Side by rillalicious (M, 7.5k) - Teddy/Charlie

Teddy is heading to Romania to protest a proposed anti-dragon law. He finds an interesting ally there.

testosterone (sounds like a spell) by pauraque (E, 8k) - Justin/Hannah 🏳️‍⚧️

Justin never returned to Hogwarts after the Death Eaters came. He's found that the Muggle world offers other kinds of transfiguration — a body alchemy far more powerful than any magic spell. Sometimes he wonders if anyone even remembers that once, years ago, he was a novice wizard.

Of The Race That Knows Joseph by scoradh (E, 8.4k) - Remus/Regulus

When dead men walk and badgers give you sarcastic looks, it's time to re-evaluate what it means to be a werewolf.

Hopelessly Devoted To You by @writcraft (E, 10k) - Harry/George

Harry and George watch a lot of musicals and accidentally fall in love.

like the lost lyrics of a song suddenly remembered by @lqtraintracks (E, 11k) - Teddy/Bill, Teddy/James

Teddy Lupin, aging rockstar, is making a comeback after his life and career were nearly ruined by an illegal potions habit. Everyone's out to support him tonight. Including the man he's always tried so hard not to love -- as well as the man he's always turned to instead.

Burned Silk, Buckled Leather by ruinsplume (E, 12k) - Draco/Sirius

When Sirius discovers a down-and-out Draco Malfoy lurking around the edges of a Muggle kink club, he thinks he knows just what Draco needs. He isn't expecting to run into some long-buried needs of his own.

The Hollow by @wolfpants (E, 12k) - Draco/Remus

They both drink, and Remus wonders how much longer he can stay here. His eyes are already moving around slowly, looking for an escape. Anything to get away from the eerily familiar slope of Draco’s cheekbones, from the richness of the voice that sounds so much like the ghost inside his own head.

Still the pine-woods scent the moon by @fluxweeed (E, 15k) - Harry/Remus

You’ve learned to ignore the stench of perpetual horniness that Harry—twenty years old and finally free—exudes. That is, until you walk into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place and find him naked, spread over the table, with Draco Malfoy pounding into him from behind.

Rebirth (Coming Home) by @onbeinganangel (T, 16k) - Harry/Regulus

Harry’s decrepit House Elf is dying. If things were normal, that would be a sad but ultimately natural thing. However, he’s Harry Potter and — of bloody course — nothing can ever be normal. Why shouldn’t Kreacher’s death have to involve Draco Malfoy, who Harry hasn’t seen in two years, and Regulus Black, who Harry has thought was dead for over twenty years?

The Werewolf Handbook, Page 147 by Snegurochka (E, 20k) - Teddy/Bill

Everyone knows that when a person with any werewolf blood reaches 21, untamed sexual urges will manifest themselves and require an outlet. It's a fact. No question about it. The Werewolf Handbook says so, right there on page 147.

Mirror, Mirror by @orange-peony (E, 23k) - George/Lee

George feels a wave of relief washing over him at the thought that he still has time, that he can still get his shit together and stop feeling so utterly broken every single moment of the day, and then maybe he will be good enough for Lee.

Within These Walls by sara_holmes (E, 24k) - Draco/Seamus

Torture, rebellion, war and Draco Malfoy. Seamus won't even know where to start telling this story if they all make it out the other side.

Spring Street by rillalicious (T, 25k) - Harry/Pansy

Harry's been undercover for eight years, on a case that's going nowhere fast. Then Pansy Parkinson is kidnapped, and everything changes.

The Sketchbook by Snegurochka (E, 30k) - Teddy/Sirius

Sketching portraits of Sirius Black had been Teddy's way of avoiding life in the present for years. He never expected one of them would come to life, but then, he might have known that interacting with any kind of magical parchment invented by a Marauder would only open up one epic can of worms.

you will burn right now but then you won't regret it by @thistlecatfics (M, 32k) - Tonks/Fleur

Eight years after Voldemort’s defeat, as the illegal potions trade ravages England and the government intensifies lycanthropic restrictions in response, Fleur and Tonks join forces to uncover corruption in the Ministry.

The NottPott Chronicles by @amarillis39 and @missmrah (E, 33k) - Harry/Theo

A series of moments from Theo and Harry’s lives as they learn to navigate their relationship, deal with their demons or just simply revel in each other’s company.

May Contain Nuts by scoradh (E, 32k) - Harry/George

After Voldemort is defeated, the script for Harry's life comes to an end. Unsure of what to do with his life, he does nothing. Only one person is on hand to show Harry that a hero is not the sum of his vanquished enemies, but he's got problems of his own.

The Secretary by PacificRimbaud (E, 46k) - Percy/Pansy

Threatened with the loss of her trust fund allowance, wild child Pansy Parkinson takes her mother up on an offer she can't refuse: a job at the Ministry of Magic as personal secretary to tightly wound bureaucrat Percy Weasley.

Play Me Like A Love Song by writcraft (E, 67k) - Minerva/Will

Minerva McGonagall doesn’t believe in love at first sight, which is why her instant attraction to drag king Wilhelmina ("Will") Grubbly-Plank is so unexpected. War tears apart the wizarding world and as one battle ends Minerva and Will must fight once more, this time for the lives of their friends on Little Compton Street.

[dastardly-ethereal-love]

Soo… I normally post my last comment on a fanfic I’ve loved but I’m scared to do that with this one because it has so many spoilers and the ending of this fanfic is so delightful if you don’t know what’s coming. I mean, especially delightful with the anticipation. :D

But I’m Australian and I love Good Omens. Being Australian is synonymous with loving Bunnings… in my opinion… haha so read it and learn about what Aussie culture is about. :P

So I’ll put my last comment behind a cut I think, so I can do my thing… just don’t read it til you’ve read the fic yourself. :P

Oh my flipping gods! That was a bloody masterpiece!!!

‘What if there was a version of this’ is straight from Staged right?! Hahaha! I’m delighted! I did a little happy dance/giggle/shout. I haven’t seen that line used like that before and it is so perfect.

Also, plants! Az is the plants person?! Ahhh! Never saw that coming. Completely brilliant curve ball and fits perfectly with the storyline of them being as bad as each other. Though pretending to be a snake expert? That’s kind of life and death ish stuff when there are venomous snakes in Australia. :)

I love how you did the kiss. The forgive you is not harsh but genuinely forgiving. The do it again?! You really know how to break a person… I’m so happy! It makes me so happy to be in this fandom to be able to read these kinds of things and know where those ideas come from… I feel like reading this is love note to the whole damn fandom not just the tv show because us fans devour everything else that Michael and David are in. Especially if they are in it together.

Anyway, thank you for writing this and letting me gush! Much much love! oh and the almost c-bomb. Perfection. Hahaha

[best-romanov-monarch]

BONUS POLL 4: Look at all the snazzy buildings in (and around) Sankt Peterburg!

Before we convene on the final bloodbath of the season, we should just... Relax and find some more chill topic to discuss. Like fancy residences. No, I'm serious.

I've picked a handful of the most interesting residences built by house Romanov. I'm guessing the most avowed of the Romanov nerds in our audience will have the time of their life... But even if you've never heard about any of these (which, c'mon, would you really even be here if you haven't at least heard of them?) - well, at least you can check out the ample photographic material included. Because who doesn't like to look at some good Rastrelli?

OUR CONTESTANTS:

Winter Palace Construction began: 1710 on the orders of Pyotr I. Description: A historical behemoth, site of both the legendary 300th anniversary ball and Bloody Sunday. Also the seat of the Provisional Government, and as such at the center of attention during February Revolution. Part of the Hermitage museum (my beloved).

Oranienbaum (palace complex) Construction began: 1710 on the orders of Pyotr I. (well, Menshikov) Description: As mentioned, originally built as Menshikov's residence, but after his fall from grace, the palace was taken over by the royal family. Its most notable resident was Pyotr III. before his ascencion. Look, I just think it's cute, okay?

Anichkov Palace Construction began: 1741 on the orders of Elizaveta Petrovna Description: Alexander III. really loved this one for some reason (the fact that his father narrowly avoided being assassinated in the previous residence, Winter Palace, might've had something to do with it). Nikolai II. grew up here.

(Great) Gatchina Palace Construction began: 1766 on the orders of Ekaterina II. Description: Originally built for Grigory Orlov of all people, but after his death, Ekaterina thought it's so swell she bought it for the royal family. Alexander III. loved this one too, to the point that it was called "The Citadel Of Autocracy".

Alexander Palace Construction began: 1793 on the orders of Ekaterina II. Description: Built for her beloved grandson Alexander I. as a wedding gift. Alexander moved out of it after his ascencion to the throne, giving it to his brother Nikolai I. Nikolai II. was born there, and it subsequently became his favourite residence.

Saint Michael's (Engineers') Castle Built: in 1797 by Pavel I. Description: Pour one out for my boi Pavel. He didn't feel safe in Winter Palace, so he built a new one for himself, and a few weeks after it was finished, he was assassinated there. After that whole mess, the royal family didn't want anything to do with it, so they gave it to Main Engineering School (higher education institution for army engineers). I picked this one just for the historical value, and for poor Pavel I.

***

[winderlylandchime]

I am back with reports for 2x01! I really apologize for how insanely long this is but he took me for a ride. We started off strong with him walking in, sitting down with a soda opening it and cheering to the sky and going ‘let’s fucking go!!!!!’ Hits play, sees the opening where Mikey pops up, hits pause, looks at me and goes ‘where the fuck is the boy?! I want the boy! This is bullshit’ when it showed Brian he went ‘ahh there’s one of the boys..oh no he’s not good. This is bad. Where’s the boy? I need him’ Then the Britin in the hospital scene popped up, he literally paused it, hands up in the air screamed ‘THE BOY!!! HE LIVES!! HES ALIVE! OH THANK GOD I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU YOU BEAUTIFUL FUCKER! HELL YEAH. And brian is there!!! LETS GOOOO! HE VISITS EVERY? EVERY WHAT? TELL ME! Why not? Brian why do you hate me’ Immediate next reaction to Mel,Linds and Deb where they talk shit was ‘man fuck yall, he was just there! I saw him with my own two eyes! I may be a little high but i know what i saw! I only took the light shit so far!’ NOW THE SCARF! THE GASP HE LET OUT! first he did say ‘stop being creepy’ to Mikey. And then THE GASP! ‘HES FUCKIN WEARING IT UNDER?! HES BEING BLOWN IN THE CLUB WHILE THE BLOODY SCARF IS ON HIM? OH HE IS NOT OKAY! HE IS ALSO IN LOVE! OR SOMETHING! I mean i know its love but he’s clearly still in denial’ The Britin reunion? First of he was so sad about Brian being drunk, kept saying why tf doesnt Mikey realize how bad it is? My favorite quote was ‘I know hes not okay and ive known him for 23 episodes, how can YOU not MICHAEL?! Hm?’ And then the reunion? ‘FUCK YEAH AGAIN BABY! I AM WINNING WITH THIS EPISODE!!’ He was so fucking sad during the loft scene. Oh the joy of having my brother scream for the second time ‘HE DID SEE YOU!! EVERY SOMETHING, THE LADY DIDNT FINISH THE SENTENCE! BUT HE SAW YOU EVERY SOMETHING! I SAW HIM MYSELF! WITH MY OWN TWO EYES!!’ ‘He doesn’t remember the prom?! HE DOESNT REMEMBER THE DANCE?! THE JEEP PART?! GONE?! GONE BC OF THAT LIL BITCH WITH A BAT?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY IF HE DOESNT REMEMBER BEING KISSED BY A GUY IN HIS SCHOOL WHERE THEY ALL BULLIED HIM FOR IT?! HOW?!’ And then Brian shared his memories and when I tell you my brother paused the ep and walked away. Came back, sat down and went ‘i no longer think i can ‘lets fucking goooooo’ this, this isn’t fun anymore’ Worthy mentions afterwards: ‘no more david??! Yeah! fuck you and your bone cracking business’ ‘oh he’s gonna see him again!! I take it back what i said before: LETS FUCKING GOOOO AGAIN BABAY! I AM HAPPY! THEY ARE BACK!!! *makes claw like hands and shakes them* THEY!’ ‘okay i dont like her but girl, how can you be shocked she doesnt wanna marry you? That was embarrassing for all three of us! Why did you make me witness it?’ ‘Brian showed up in court! See! If he didnt care he wouldn’t show up to stupid court! I should know i tried to get out of jury duty once….i failed tho’ ‘he got his ass glued to the toilet..you know what? Good for Brian, he deserves this’

The end scene was my favorite thing he said, it actually made me giggle bc it was so accurate. So it was them tossing the ball and Jen pulls up and he pauses it and goes ‘oh no, this doesn’t have the right vibesssss. Brian is here. And Justin is here. And they’re being cute. So this means that whatever is about to happen with them is probably going to hurt me. *looks at me in shock* why am i saying probably? Oh God, this is gonna fucking hurt’ Jen delievers her lines and my brother goes ‘EVERY NIGHT! EVERY NIGHT! WHY ARENT WE TELLING JUSTIN THIS?!…JEN! Girl! That was not chill at all! You are ruining my vibes jen. Why would you say that to him while he looks like that?’ And then in a high pitch almost cry sound goes ‘but he caresssssssssss about him Jen! Jenny! Jenny jen! He cares! Cmonnnn I’m sure we can come to an agreement all three of us together! Cmon jenny jen! I know you saw how he had to swallow to say he cares! IT WASNT HIS FAULT IT WAS THAT DUDES! He’s sad and pretty and you’re gonna be mean to him? In front of me? NOT CHILL JEN! NOT CHILL AT ALL! You ruined the vibes, whatever the fuck they were..oh fuck, i need my meds!’ And when Brian drove away, he went ‘SIR! If you don’t make a U-turn right this fucking second! HOW DARE YOU NOT MAKE A U-TURN! YOU careeeeee! I care! He cares! We all careeee, so why do i have to suffer bc of a woman in a blazer’ that was followed by a pause and him getting up, taking a pain killer looking at me and going ‘this is going to be a bumpy fucking ride, now excuse me I have to go outside for no particular reason’ he then went to the front door (he had me worried there ngl bc he is only days after very serious surgery), opened it up and just stared out. Now i do have a neighbor and i heard her say ‘hey __, you okay?’ And he went ‘do I look okay to you? I am having a horrible time’ and then he closed the door, went back inside and called our mom again. Like I said, rollercoaster. Except they give you acid before getting on the ride.

Oh my god. Dear sweet anon, you are doing the lord’s work. Thank you for this detailed report. I think the evidence points to “straight cis men: not so different” because maybe he uses different words “let’s fucking go baby!” but his reaction is all of us. Whether it’s cringefail marriage proposal to hating David to his devastation at Justin not remembering prom to SCREAMING AT JEN to noticing the SWALLOW (and the look up oh god he looks to the sky and it is everything) before Brian says that he cares about Justin to screaming at Brian for sacrificing himself for what he believes is in the best interest of Justin.

His point about Brian showing up to court and trying to get out of jury duty and how this means he cares takes the damn cake.

I love your poor neighbor and what is she to think with “do I look okay to you?” and your mom who is getting these phone calls from her fully adult son beside himself about two fictional characters from 20 years ago.

Brother Anon, welcome to the fandom.

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

ao3 first lines

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

I only have three, and two of them are TWENTY YEARS OLD so you will pardon me if I'm hesitant to post them.

Well, what the hey, why not? :D

And Eat It, Too - The Magnus Archives

Jon hasn’t breathed in a while.

He’s vaguely aware of it, aware his lungs feel tight and terrible, as if transformed into the wet leather that supposedly comprises Michael’s skin.

He can’t bring himself to care. He can care later, when the statement is done.

“To have your who torn bloody from your what, and another crudely lashed into its place,” says the thing that ate Michael, the thing that is Michael, and even though the Distortion’s experience was not, could not, is in no way human, Jon knows.

Pain without terror, shock without fear (because it is fear and cannot feel those things), but it is so much rage and all consuming and Jon whites out.

And then, Michael laughs.

It’s better than a slap. Knives in the ears, eyeballs straining as if pushed out by his swelling brain.

“That is what I am,” finishes Michael, and Jon thinks, Yes, headache and dizziness seem about right.

And Jon can breathe.

He’s still going to die. Still covered in layers of old, floral moisturizer. Still under threat of being skinned alive.

But he has so many questions.

-⬇--⬇---⬇--⬇---⬇--old fic alert--⬇--⬇---⬇---⬇--

Dominion: Reprise - Dragon Ball Z

There was an accident in Heaven, and Mr. Popo, who was usually a bastion of good sense and of even better advice, was at a complete loss for what to do.

Mr. Popo loved his job, and even more so the people who administrated over him; but in all his hundreds of years as the Earth-Kami's assistant, he had never seen the eighth dragon ball before.

Mind of a Prince - Dragon Ball Z

It had never occurred to anyone to wonder how it was that Dende didn't know about love. Well, that should be clarified - how it was that Dende did not know about romantic love. After all, there was a pretty big difference.