#I basically got a tumblr to yell about this bs

[dinosaurstartrek]

THE HUG OMG

Can we f*cking talk about how Wednesday could have hugged *literally any random dude* at the end, and I mean ANYONE - Ajax, Kent, the freaking fencing instructor - the way she did Enid and people would be talking about how "ItZ tRUE LoVEeeeE!!!!" but since its two girls we get a dumpster truck full of "look at their gorgeous friiiiiendshiiiiiip"

[lovelylivelyv]

Beware This Person

Before we begin, obligatory disclaimer: do NOT harass the person I am about to bring up. I don’t want things to spiral out of control and I am simply here to warn you guys about a potentially harmful person I advise you stay away from. Ok? Good. Also a TL;DR is at the bottom of the post just in case.

It has been brought to my attention that someone I had beef with on Discord took to Tumblr and has been badmouthing me for months. Sidetable-Drawer (also one of the mods on Hottoepecker) and I met in a Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends server though I came across her blogs around the same time. We initially got along well, but then I noticed her behavior would change when it came to disagreements. It got to the point where I felt she was getting extreme, and she blocked me shortly before leaving the server entirely. I thought that would be the end of it, but I find out that two months after she left the server (and two months before the post was sent to me with monthly reblogs), she made an entire rant about two sides of the fandom. However, I noticed for one particular side she seemed to talk less about the side in general and moreso one person, and that person is me. Since she blocked me and made me powerless to defend myself on the post itself, I’m here to warn you all about her behavior.

The post is about how the “Bloo is basically Cartman” and “Bloo did nothing wrong it’s everyone else’s fault” sides of the Foster’s fandom are really annoying. But when she talked about the latter, she brought up multiple things I did specifically, in addition to how her saying she won’t pretend Bloo is an UWU Soft Baby or whatever was something she only started saying after I had the audacity to claim…that the rest of the main cast are flawed individuals that likely don’t understand the weight of their actions against Bloo (ex. excessive yelling, hitting, double-standards; for more info watch The Hidden Pain Of Blooregard Q. Kazoo). For the record, I never claimed “Bloo did nothing wrong”, I only claimed “Bloo deserved better”. But enough about that, I’m going to point out the tip-offs that give away she’s using me to cover up how she’s actually a bully.

“Guys he's just a goofy little asshole who's fun to watch (most of the time) but sometimes needs to be thrown against a wall.”

-She said this a notable amount of times in the Discord server and it sounds unironic. I don’t want to read into this too much, but I firmly believe children don’t deserve to be abused. Yet I’m the demonizer?

“He’s got his own problems…but it also doesn’t justify him being a jerk.”

-I never said his reasons make it ok for him to be a jerk, all I said was he has reasons for acting out. Understanding is not the same as excusing. This is also the same person who thinks Mac was in the right for abandoning Bloo twice but three a fit when Bloo dared to “cheat” on Mac with another kid later on (she can believe it if she wants, but I find it funny that she makes excuses for Mac while having a zero-tolerance policy for Bloo).

“I've seen some people come up with BS takes defending everything Bloo does and throwing every other character under a bus and demonizing them (we had an entire video post about FRANKIE derailed with a reblog about how everyone is "too mean" to Bloo. Please make a new post for your bad takes)”

-As I said above, the first half is not true. Sidetable-Drawer specifically accused me of demonizing them when I explained how leaving Bloo to die in the pilot episode despite mustering the courage to save Mac mere seconds later was the catalyst for his behavior. As for the other…yeah, I derailed one of her threads (because she mentioned Bloo was being a little shit for wanting credit for a rescue), but it was one time. A singular time. This is hypocritical of Sidetable-Drawer to complain about because she’s guilty of doing the exact same thing MULTIPLE times. She not only derailed Bloo conversations to gush about Mac, but also invaded Gloo shipping spaces and constantly called me and others disgusting proshippers over a HEADCANON. Here are some screenshots of Sidetable-Drawer’s continuous derailments, as well as others trying to get her to stop ship-policing: (for privacy sake I’m blocking out all pfps and usernames aside from mine but will put “SD” next to Sidetable-Drawer’s messages)

So much for not burning me at the stake. Imagine calling my opinions bad takes when she’s the one actively harassing others over a ship she can’t accept is genuinely harmless, simply because it doesn’t fit her interpretation of a tweet Craig McCracken made. I’ve talked many times about how the aging thing is not necessarily set in stone for Bloo because of the existence of loopholes (Land Of The Flea) and the implication that Mac’s subconscious reason for creating Bloo was to have the big brother Terrence should have been, so I’ll just leave it at that.

“He's a funny jerk. Sometimes you just have to leave it at that.”

-Mac is a happy little kid, you could just leave it at that too. But you love to dissect how he’s a powerful character for coming out of his trauma a better person and theorizing how Mac’s life used to be before the show’s events. Why shouldn’t Bloo’s complexity be talked about? It sounds like you take issue with the idea that Bloo can be as layered as his peers.

“People are allowed to like Bloo but people are also allowed NOT to like him for these reasons, and you have to deal with it.”

-Then why did you accuse me of demonizing the main cast for saying the others needed to do better too? Why did you harass Gloo shippers to the point of trying to guilt-trip them out of shipping it? YOU’RE the one who’s not allowing people to think differently from yourself.

“(In the tags) Sometimes I remember that horribly squicky ‘Bloo Defense’ video and die a little bit. Sometimes you need to back up and tell yourself…it’s JUST a drawing :p”

-Ship-policing wasn’t enough for you, now you’re policing character analyses just because my view is wildly different from yours. How would you feel if someone told you that for saying Mac deserves better? You yourself are adamant against using “it’s just a cartoon”, but I guess you have no issue using it when someone else’s opinion doesn’t fit your idea of how things should be. Also if you really hated my video that much, you could have left a comment on the video proper instead of dragging my name in the mud for months.

All of this happened over simple disagreements I tried to be polite about despite her ignoring boundaries and shaming others time and time again. Normally I don’t respond to hate comments, but after having to deal with Sidetable-Drawer’s behavior on Discord for months and eventually finding out how she went out of her way to mock me and leave me powerless to defend myself, I knew I had to speak out about all this. If anybody figured out she was actually talking about one person and knew it was me, I could have been harassed. If I can help at least one person avoid being on the receiving end of her bullying, so be it.

TL;DR A Foster’s Home fan vilified me for having a different perspective, disguised a Tumblr post and subsequent reblogs targeting me to be about another group of Foster’s fans, and I’m warning others to stay away from her so they don’t go through the same thing if not worse.

[someoneimsure]

hey idk what's going on but i hope you're ok. i can't say i'm here for you if it's like, too heavy a topic but i'm down to distract ya or something if ya ever need it.

I really needed to talk about this apparently. So I'm going to ... talk about it and just talk about my experience with being triggered. And knowing someone is listening does help, strangely. It also might help distract with it, idk. I don't mean to overwhelm this ask but I hope it gives some context as to what was happening and that it helps other people who go through something similar.

I am a little embarrassed to talk about this and almost put all of this under a read more, but I think that might also make it worse so. Apologies for the long post.

What triggered everything is, it's--I can't say it's stupid because that makes the situation worse. It was not stupid. But it felt "stupid".

Basically, I was thinking about something to write about (a personal experience turned into a viligante!reader snippet for tumblr) only to then experience very random--okay, not really random, but seriously intrusive thoughts about my biggest traumas all at once. I was so upset that I felt I needed to leave tumblr temporarily because I believe some BS on tumblr caused it and it was--it was not stupid, my reaction to it was not stupid, but it felt "stupid" because it was a significantly delayed trauma reaction and the situation really didn't call for such an--It's not stupid, but it felt "stupid".

First time I've experienced that in a literal decade. It was horrible. Half of my brain was super pissed off about it, about myself, about my body, which did not help the part of myself that just kept spiraling down a deep dark rabbit hole of nausea, dread, and shaking. It was like a dragon stomping around in the brain while the rest of me was tumbling down a very steep mountain. It caused a lot of emotional pain and the heavy blankets I used would not work.

So I stepped off tumblr. Tried the heavier heavy blanket, which also didn't work. And discovered I couldn't write. So nothing changed.

So I went back to tumblr because there was nothing I could do to change my situation and just... talked about it? Sort of? More like complained about my body--which is not stupid, not my fault, it happens sometimes, I'm okay.

So I posted that I was experiencing something horrible and clearly it's--it was not stupid, but it felt "stupid", and the part of myself that was angry and furious and yelling about it was fighting the part of myself that was starting to seize my heart in what felt like a fist covered in iron needles. Which is the indicator that one of my worst anxiety attacks was starting, which always turns into me lying down on the floor wait for hours for the heart pain to stop.

And then I saw the responses on tumblr. And responded to them. And I felt better after posting and acknowledging that people had noticed and I realized it was Not Stupid like my brain kept telling me. The angry part of me shut up. Then I got more responses. I responded to those as well and acknowledged them, and fuck therapy works guys. I almost felt normal. The heavy blanket was working again.

So what could have been a potential trip to the hospital has turned into a learning experience and I am sooo much better now, omfg. I am also extremely exhausted and tired, haha. But I feel almost normal again. That is such a relief. I cannot express my gratitude enough for everyone who reached out and helped me.

Sorry if this is too heavy. Putting the experience into words helps me contextualize it and even feel better about it, strangely enough. I'm gonna maybe write a reader!vigilante snippet that covers the feelings aspect and how it was resolved but with the BatClan. It might turn into something longer, though I probably will not post unless someone expresses interest.

Thank you sincerely for the ask. <3

[my-arlington-academia]

Cliffany (Claire×Tiffany) part 1

Hello there!!! It’s been a while. Yes, you’re not dreaming, this is a crackship fanfiction between Claire and Tiffany from sweet elite. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and posted it on the Dulcet discord server. I’ve decided to post them on tumblr if anyone is interested (or not, that’s fine too.)

------------------------

"Cut the bullshit, Claire. I told you to stop sticking to me like glue!"

Tiffany was tired of it. No matter how many times she showed Claire how terrible she can be and how her words can cut deep, Claire kept coming back to her, looking for an explanation that doesn’t exist. Saying nonsensical one-liners like "are you really okay?" Or "You can talk to me if you need someone to listen." Tiffany found it pretty funny at first. Like, she could do any atrocity and this blond haired dumbass would come back to her anyway, thinking that she had some issues that needed fixing or something. After a while though, this shtick got annoying real quick. It was like Claire was completely unaware of who she was talking to and was blindly following the childish belief that everyone is kind and understanding on the inside.

"I’m just worried about you Tiffany, you keep pushing people away from you. That’s not good for your mental health. If you have troubles you can share them with someone..."

Tiffany sighed in exasperation. Was this girl senseless? Is that it?

"Listen here. I know you like to believe that everyone is good deep down but that’s not always the case. Not to mention, we’re not exactly close, you and I. If I wanted to "share" anything, it wouldn’t be with you."

"But..."

Claire’s eyes wavered for a second and she looked around, checking to see if there’s anyone nearby.

"...Honestly, the reason why I’m offering is because I don’t feel like you have anyone truly close to you. At least not in Arlington."

"Excuse me?"

One of the things that pissed Tiffany the most about Claire was that she could say the most insulting things with the best intentions, without any ounce of malice.

"Ha. And you’re the one to say this? You’re pretty much a wannabe psychiatrist who goes around being a punching bag for your classmates. People rely on you when they need you, but really? They don’t give a shit about you, honey."

Somehow, Claire’s gaze stayed on Tiffany, unchanging. This made her want to be meaner, more vicious, strike the parts she’s sensitive about. Claire was known to be patient like a saint and understanding like a mother. How nice would it be to finally put this dumb bitch in her place? Tiffany wanted to get a reaction from her, not only to make her leave but also because she was kind of interested to see what face she would make when she got upset.

"Oh, my apologies. What I told you just now, you were already aware of it, weren’t you? That you’re only needed as long as you’re useful. You might think that people like you Claire, but don’t get the wrong idea. You’re only useful, not lovable. Tell me about it sometime, how is it to be a walking doormat?"

Tiffany could feel it. Despite the fact that Claire’s expression still hasn't changed, there was a certain glow forming in her eyes. If she went on for long enough, she may be able to get the reaction she wanted.

"...Are you done, Tiffany? Can we talk like two civilized people now?"

"Hm. What was that? Do I hear some bitterness there, Miss I-Have-A-Savior-Complex? You probably got a lot of praise, huh? For your stupid speech at the department competition with your whole "people gather in front of misfortune" bullshit. Or- Ah! How could I forget, you also volunteer at the city’s hospital during weekends, right? You get all the praise and credit needed to get into Gold Tier even though all you really want is acknowledgement for your sorry existence."

Claire grabbed her skirt’s hem and kept tugging at it, looking down. In reality, Tiffany knew that there was no ill-will whatsoever behind Claire’s benevolent actions towards the people she took care of at the hospital. That was, however, the reason why she was so pissed right now. Instead of protesting against those baseless insults, Claire kept her silence, swallowing up her pride, waiting for this storm of verbal abuse to be over. At this point, Tiffany’s small conscience was telling her to stop. Yet, she couldn’t. Not now, not when she was getting closer and closer to results. And so, she kept pushing, wondering when Claire will finally talk back.

"Is that really what you think of me, Tiffany?"

"What’s wrong? Are you unable of taking any criticism, Claire? Or maybe you’re not used to being called out for your BS. You want it, don’t you? You want everyone to love you and have them keep you by their side while you’re playing the role of a perfect little girl who helps the weak but who’s just no fun to be with. The truth is that you just never learned to say no when people asked favors of you and it stayed as a habit. But instead of fixing that habit, you just went along with it, enjoying the attention."

Claire’s lips were starting to twist downward. There it was. The anger of being so blatantly insulted, the frustration of having to play nice even in front of someone who’s rude to you, the need to get all of those negative feelings out on someone and hurt them back either mentally or physically. Come hit me, yell at me and insult me. I finally get to see what you’re always hiding. No matter how ugly it is, I’ll accept it and laugh at it once you’re done pouring it out. When it comes to belittling others and making them feel worthless, I’m just the best at it.

"Honey, what’s going on? Want to turn back after coming so far? Well, I wouldn’t blame you. This is about the time when anyone would leave. Ah, by the way. Did you know that there was a certain rumor going around about the Durand family? Something like... a family member having a real nasty disease or something? So tell me who it is. Your mom, your dad? Surely not! He’s still working diligently everyday to take care of his little research facility in Florida. It would be terrible if he was actually pushing himself too hard to keep the business going, right?"

Tiffany finally went silent, grinning to herself, waiting impatiently for the crack to open and let the ocean out. Show it, Claire. Show that you can fight back so I can ridicule you even more for overselling your annoying "sweet girl" image.

However, none of that ever came.

"...Why... did you have to..."

Claire finally raised her head, showing a face full of tears. Despite that, she was trying to keep a smile on her face. "I’ve never seen anyone cry like that." Tiffany uselessly thought at first, until a wave of guilt she wasn’t even aware of went through her small conscience. There was something so upsetting about someone getting insulted to no-end and choosing to cry instead of letting their anger out. If only she exploded and hit her or yelled at her, it would’ve been better. But now, Tiffany felt like she just did something illegal. Attacked someone who didn’t have the means to defend themselves, who *didn’t* want to. Like she just robbed a homeless person who had barely any change left. It may have been the first time in her life that Tiffany truly felt pathetic for what she did. Shame, guilt, confusion. It was all welling up inside of her.

"Wh-why... *sniffle* Did you have to go so far... *sob* That was uncalled for..."

And yet you’re still not leaving? What’s wrong with this girl?! Before she even knew what was happening, Tiffany’s arms were reluctantly holding Claire into a tight embrace.

"A-are you a complete lunatic?? Why would you let me say all of this shit and cry afterwards?! That’s not how it works, you should’ve insulted me back and told me to fuck off!"

"I-I can’t... *sniff*"

"Why not?! Why can I and you can’t? You’re such a fucking moron, what the hell is wrong with you... When someone hits you, you hit them back! That’s basic knowledge every little kid has ever since kindergarten."

Claire’s hands slowly went up to return Tiffany’s hug. Through that small gesture, Tiffany felt every bit of emotion Claire was trying to communicate to her.

"Because... *sniffle* If I did you’d get sad and this conversation would end with both of us feeling sad... *sniffle* I know that you always act like you don’t care but, the truth is that you always get upset about what other people have to say about you, right? ...Especially with all of your social media accounts and the exposure you get. It must already be so hard to get so much unwanted criticism everyday even though you never asked for it..."

For some reason, before she even knew it, Tiffany’s heart rate picked up ever so slightly. To the point where neither she nor Claire even noticed it. After a relatively short amount of time, Tiffany let go of Claire, finally noticing how wet her blazer had gotten.

"Ugh. Seriously? Couldn’t you have at least- Oh God... You look like complete shit, go wash your face."

To that rude remark, Claire smiled gently, knowing that it didn’t have any malice behind it. Tiffany caught herself thinking that Claire really was an angel. She quickly erased it though. She didn’t want them to get involved in each other's business again, seeing how it can end. She didn’t want to make her cry again, no matter how weird that sounded coming from someone who never misses the chance to be a jerk. While parting ways, Claire’s crying face went through Tiffany’s mind again, filling her up with the desperate need to punch herself.

[secondbcrnpiracy]

I posted 387 times in 2021

41 posts created (11%)

346 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.4 posts.

I added 297 tags in 2021

#thedragcnbrother - 76 posts

#thedragonclone - 60 posts

#devilish first mate (harry) - 52 posts

#tinypaintedthings - 30 posts

#ashortdropandasuddenstop - 19 posts

#out of hooks (mun speaks) - 14 posts

#always a tale to tell (starters/memes) - 14 posts

#a beast in human masquerade (lycan/werewolf au) - 13 posts

#harry hook - 11 posts

#his captain and queen of the sea (uma) - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#he would probably be the god of young pirates or those that rebel against society's 'standards' and maybe also madness and battle unsure tho

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

If the news is about Mal and Ben’s wedding

I will forgive the meh if we get a flashback of while Mal is basically having a girl’s night that is semi peaceful before the wedding than we transition to Ben’s night and it’s all the boys in all their chaotic glory. Just pure chaos!

.. oh and maybe Harry looking miserable in a tux and looking extra miserable at how nice everything is: last wedding I was at, we had canons and gun fire! ... No one got hurt... maybe.

20 notes • Posted 2021-03-06 04:49:39 GMT

#4

When Harry CASUALLY says stuff in a thread that could/would kill him and treats it like nothing or just a normal Friday. 

I, like others of the fandom hc that people don’t die on the Isle and if they do, they just kind of revive. So when Harry casually says stuff like: eh murder me. It is like: get all these VKs therapy and love

and arrest Beast for his bs of being okay with keeping kids on the Isle.

21 notes • Posted 2021-06-11 07:13:19 GMT

#3

.... Anyway

Harry, Gil and Uma are take all or have none.

And I don’t need any bs of: the characters are off doing their own thing when all looks like they’ll be there except these two.

Harry wouldn’t leave Uma for all the treasure in Auradon (see D3. Missing Uma feels like an understatement) and while Gil may adventure with Jay, he’d be there to with everyone to attend and-

gaaah

27 notes • Posted 2021-03-13 01:38:13 GMT

#2

@thedragonclone​ continued from here

“Surprised ye didnae wake the camp with yer yelling.” Harry had watched the other Lost Boy come back and leave without even noticing Harry was watching. The expression was enough to show that he was the one that had been arguing with someone, what he didn’t expect entirely was Devrim coming back. 

“Farley and ye were arguing~” The pirate grins at the boy.. oh he knew. Harry couldn’t exactly sleep anyway. “First fight. Now what was it about~ And when exactly were ye gonnae tell us that ye can talk?”

43 notes • Posted 2021-05-20 00:11:57 GMT

#1

Soooo

These guys birthed Harry

No you can’t change my mind

80 notes • Posted 2021-04-29 20:42:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[just-denimjacket-responses]

hey guys.

i made a post on my main account yesterday, but forgot to make one here.

i’m gonna take a short break from tumblr.

so basically, what happened was:

someone said something about a character getting married. the character in question is aroace. so i said, “hey, this character is aroace, so they may not want to get married to anyone.” no anger on my part, nothing.

doesn’t seem so bad, right?

but the response i got back was FULL of rude, hateful, aphobic comments about how horrible i am for saying this character isn’t a lesbian?? and that this was why they hate “people like me”??

because i was trying to stop someone invalidating aroace peoples’ identity? that shit’s harmful!

people already grow up thinking they’re broken for not experiencing attraction; and people like this, that tear down every single hint of positive rep we get, and say we’re the problem for calling them out on their BS, are only adding even more dirt to the pile.

like, why would you wanna take away what little CRUMB of representation we get, and then yell at me like it’s MY fault?

i’m not going to use their username. i’ve had around 12-ish hours to calm down, and i’m gonna give them the benefit of the doubt; maybe they’re a kid who’s been told that aroace folk are not good people, or something. i honestly don’t know. i shouldn’t be trying to justify their actions, but if they did it for the sole sake of being an asshole, it’s gonna tear me apart from the inside.

i also can’t use their username because they have a fairly large fanbase, and i might end up getting doxxed or worse.

all i’m saying is, don’t invalidate peoples’ sexual or romantic orientation like that. your words are reaching real people, and you need to think before saying shit like that.

and at the end of my break, i want y’all to know that you can always reach out to me if something similar happens to you. if someone says that your sexuality makes you a bad person (which it doesn’t), then come to me. i’ll talk it out with you.

you guys are valid, and i love you. i’ll see you soon.

💙💜

-Denim

[wafflefries13]

The Consequences of Late Night Calls

Happy birthday to the world’s best blasty boy! 

This is the first fic I’ve written for tumblr, so let me know what you think!

Warnings: None, I think. Some cursing, some guy talks smack for a bit. 

Genre: Fluff

~~~~~~~~~~

The call shocked you out of a deep but impromptu sleep. You jerked up from the noise, a page of lecture notes sticking to your check. It fluttered back to the desk covered in its own mess of loose leaf documents, used textbooks that cost more than a weekend trip to Disney World, and a laptop missing three of its letter keys. 

You dragged your tongue against your teeth, trying to get rid of the cotton feel coating the inside of your mouth. Rubbing stars into your tired eyes, you wondered when exactly you had fallen asleep. Was it somewhere near memorizing the latin terminology for court rhetoric or around reading the case file and trial records you were going to be tested over on Monday? Deciding wondering was basically pointless, considering you had pretty  much forgotten all of it anyway, you pawed blindly around for your phone. 

“Hello?” You answered, eyes still closed, although it probably came out and more of a mumbled groan than anything else.  

“(Y/NNNNNNNNN)!” 

You pulled the phone away from your ear, wincing at the sudden loud noise. Blinking bleerally, you looked down at your phone. You had taken the caller ID picture a year ago, at a sorority Halloween party you barely remembered aside from the copious amounts of alcohol consumed followed by an ill-advised scavenger hunt that ended with a call to the police and the dean’s car somehow ending up in the agriculture department’s greenhouse crowded with Jack-O-lanterns. It was a profile shot of Bakugo Katsuki, his mouth opened in a mid-yell scowl, as was his standard expression, and eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. One hand extended to try and block the camera, the other clutching a brown bottle. He was wearing a fantasy barbarian king costume, chest bare to show off the taut muscles he worked so hard for all of high school to get. When he’d shown up in it, or, rather, when Kirishima had dragged him along in his own dragonborn costume, you couldn’t believe he still had it. You remembered sitting in your basement in 9th grade, pricking your fingers with a sewing needle as you and the rest of your newly formed D&D group, Bakugo and Kirishima included, spent way too much time and effort into creating your costumes. 

Rubbing at the bridge of your nose in a vain attempt to chase away the headache you could already feel forming, you brought the phone back to your ear. You could hear the low thump of bass heavy music in the background. 

“Hi, Suki,” You said, trying not to sound condescending, but it came out like that anyway. 

“Hey!” He said sharply. The rest of his reply was slurred smooth. “I told you not to call me that.” 

You smirked. “It’s cute.” 

“It’s embarrassing! ‘M not cute.” 

“No, you’re calling me at-” You pulled the phone away again to check the time. “Katsuki, it’s like two in the morning, what the hell?” 

You heard someone shout something on the other side of the line that Katsuki mumbled a reply to. To you he said, “Was thinking about you.” 

You felt yourself blush despite yourself. “You were thinking about me?” 

There was a clunk and a bump. You could imagine him falling against a wall and sliding down to sit until the room stopped spinning. “Yeah. I don’t like it.” 

You ignored the jab in your heart. “Well, thanks.” 

“It keeps happening. I’ll just be, like, doing stuff, and then I just think, ‘What would (Y/N) think of that?’ ‘I wonder what (Y/N)’s doing right now.’ ‘(Y/N) would know what to do now. She’s so smart. And her hands look so soft. And her eyes are so pretty.’” He was quiet for a second. “It’s annoying. I can’t stop thinking about you. And it’s worse when you’re here.” There was a shuffling as you heard him try to stand up then give up again. “Why aren’t you here? I want you here.” 

You were wide awake now. You clenched and unclenched your hand, trying to process the information your obviously drunk friend had just confessed. Your stomach churned in a mix of anticipation, anxiety, and straight up butterflies. 

What the hell did all of that mean? Well, of course you knew what it meant, or you knew what it meant when spoken by a sober person of sound mind and body. But there was no way, you tried to rationalize, that The Bakugo Katsuki, the guy you’d known since freshman year of high school when he’d punched a guy who had flipped up your uniform skirt on the first day, the guy who had surprised just about everyone in home economics when he busted out a three tiered cake like it was no one’s business, the guy whos ego was big enough to have its own gravitational pull, was confessing his feelings to you in a drunk rant at two in the morning. 

“Katsuki,” You said in a soft voice. “I-” 

There was a retching sound from the other end of the line. Katsuki coughed, tried to say something, then threw up again. “Aw, fuck.” 

That headache was back with avengence now. You sighed, looking for your keys. “Katsuki, where are you?” 

“Uhh, on campus? At the Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever house. There’s a party. Why aren’t you here?” 

“You know I hate all the Greek life bs. Stay where you are, okay? I’m coming to get you. You’re completely wasted.” 

“‘M not. I can handle what I drink.” There was another pause before he wretched again. 

“Did you just throw up again?” 

“...No.” 

“Cool. I’ll be there in ten.” 

You didn’t wait for him to respond before hanging it. You didn’t think your heart could take it if he kept going on like he had been. Grabbing your keys and heading out of your crowded studio apartment, you hopped in your car to go save your drunk friend from making any other ill advised decisions that night. 

You realized that you were probably over thinking the whole phone call as you drove through deserted streets. You couldn’t help it, it was a bad habit you had formed as a kid that now  made you obsess over court documents and testimonies in class. But now, instead of helping, it was picking you apart. What did Katsuki’s tone imply when he was talking to you just now? Could you trust the tone of an inebriated person? What did he mean when he said he thought about you a lot? You’d known each other for years now, being involved in almost all the same activities. Wouldn’t it be natural to think about someone you spent so much time with? But you’d known Kirishima for just as long, not to mention the rest of the self-named “Baku-Squad.” You’d never gotten a late night drunk call from any of them. Heck, Katsuki had known Izuku way longer than he had known you, and you were pretty dang sure Katsuki had never called him going on and on about how he always thought about him. 

Stopping at a red light, you pressed your forehead into the soft faux-leather of your steering wheel, willing your thoughts to calm down and just come to a rational conclusion already. Expect, you know, a rational conclusion that wasn’t that the guy you had carried a torch for for almost as long as you had known him might actually have feelings for you back. 

You turned on to the street lined with sororities and fraternities across from the main campus. You had to slam on your breaks almost immediately to avoid running over a tipsy, giggling co-ed who was stumbling out into the road. She didn’t even look up at you. 

You didn’t know exactly which house Katsuki was stranded at, considering you could see at least three different parties all going on at first glance. His “Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever” wasn’t very helpful, either, considering all the Greek letters adorning the houses blended together in your mind at some point. And you really didn’t want to tramp through a bunch of different houses tonight. 

Thankfully, you were saved the trouble when you saw Kirishima’s 1969 Chevrolet Chevelle park half off the curb in front of one of the houses. You’d know that car anywhere. Kirishima had dragged your group to various scrap yards and auto-repair stores all summer after he got his license, the first of you all to do so, in an effort to fix up the worn down Chevelle that he’d bought for a hundred bucks and a turkey sandwich. 

You parked on the other side of the street then jogged across to the house that was practically vibrating with heavy music and Greek life energy. Stepping over a semi-conscious frat boy laying in the doorway, you scanned around the house for any sign of Katsuki’s pomeranian-puff-ball hair. 

You spotted Denki lounging on a couch, a lampshade on his head and a tangle of phone chargers clutched in his fist. His hand sparked every now and then as he used his quirk to recharge the collection of phones. 

You lifted up the edge of the lampshade. “Hey there, Pikachu.” 

“Heeeeeey~” He said, giving you a thumbs up. You could already tell he was too far gone, although you didn’t know if it was from drinking or the over use of his quirk. 

“(Y/N)!” You heard a voice call behind you. A body fell heavily against your back. Sero wrapped his arms around you in a backwards hug. “Where you been? We missed you!” 

“Studying. I’m boring, remember? I’m looking for Katsuki, you seen him around?” 

Sero snickered. “Bakugo, huh? He’s been looking for you for a long time, right, Denki?” 

“Heeeeeey~” 

You swallowed hard. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” 

Sero snickered again, flopping on the couch next to Denki. “Can’t tell. Part of the bro code. And he said he’d kill me.” 

“That does sound like Katsuki.” 

Sero covered his eyes with his arm, head leaning back. With a wide smile, he waved his hand in the vague direction to the back door. “I think he’s out by the pool or something.” 

You waved bye. “Thanks, I’ll go check it out. You guys take care of yourselves, okay?” 

“Look at ‘em go,” Sero said to Denki as you left. “You think they’ll have a spring wedding?” 

“Heeeeeey~” 

*~~~~* 

You managed to weave your way through the crowd of bodies clogging the house to finally spill out into the back yard. You had no idea how people were able to stay this energized this late into the night with this many other people around. You remembered once being stuck at another party, early on in your college days. When it became super clear you didn’t want to be there, overwhelmed by the noise, the crush of bodies, and the suffocation of social enterprise, Katsuki had dragged Kirishima over to you, planting him in front of you as your ‘extrovert shield.’  He’d stayed with you behind the boisterous redhead for the rest of the night. 

You wondered if Katsuki remembered doing that, if he remembered any of the small nice gestures he did for you over the years. And now, with his call, with what Sero said, with your over analyzing brain, you were dissecting every interaction you could remember. Was the time he opened a door for you a signal? Was the reason he would ask to study with you for chemistry, when he was way better in practically every subject than you, just so he could be close to you? Were the times he had given you his jacket when you were cold meant to be a more intimate moment? 

God, you were going to go crazy. 

Walking around the pool, you finally spotted the hot-headed blond. He was sitting slouched over on the end of one of the reclining pool chairs, forearms braced on his knees.  You almost called out to him, stopping cold when you saw the girl behind him. She had draped herself over his back, chin rested in the crook of his neck, one had massaging his shoulder, the other conspicuously sneaking under the hem of his shirt to rub circles on his abs. 

You clenched and unclenched your hands, worry gnawing at you as a headache at the back of your skull. Had something changed between the time he had called you and now? Had there been nothing there to change at all? Had you been misreading this situation the whole time? 

Katsuki looked up, his permanently affixed scowl even deeper. The second his jewel-red eyes met yours, you felt your heart skip a beat. He jumped to his feet so fast the girl behind him fell back against the chair. He tried marching over to you, which was made only slightly less intimidating by the drunk sway to his step. 

You didn’t remember him being so tall. You’d just seen him this afternoon. There was a flushed blush across his face, adding a surprising softness. Were his arms always that strong looking? Were his eyes that piercing? Was his jaw that strong? 

“You came,” He said, voice rough as whiskey soaking into gravel. 

You spread your hands. “Well, you said my name three times, so, here I am!” You laughed nervously, trying to ignore how his gaze pinned you down. 

He took another step towards you, hand reading up. “(Y/N), I-” 

His cheeks turned from pink to green. Lurching to the side, he vomited into the pool. You tried to help him back up, hunched over and trying to catch his breath. The crowd of people around you groaned in disgust before rolling in to sarcastic applause. Katsuki flipped them off. 

“Alright, Suki,” You said, rubbing his back. “Let’s get you back home.” 

He grumbled, leaning his full weight against you. You almost stumbled and fell with the sudden shift of balance. Katsuki slid his arm around your waist, hand firmly grasping your hip, as if he was the one trying to prevent you from a drunken stumble. His fingers felt like fire through your clothes. 

You decided to go around the house instead of trying to push your way through it. Soon you were making your way across the street. It took some maneuvering to unlock and open the passenger door. You practically dropped Katsuki in where his head fell back with a groan. You grabbed his seat belt and stretched across him to fasten it. It wasn’t until he started petting your hair that your realized your position of half-way laying across his lap. You jerked back, some of your hair getting caught in his fingers. He made a disappointed sound at the loss of it. 

You slid back into the driver's seat, trembling hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. You had to take a few steadying breaths before you were ready to start the car. Pulling out of the neighborhood, you glanced over at Katsuki. His eye brows were furrowed, eyes closed, mouth pulled in a small frown. 

God, he looked adorable. 

You hit the break harder than you meant to at the light. Adorable? Where the hell did that thought come from? He’d probably be furious if he knew you ever thought that. 

But…

You risked another look at him. When he let his face relax like this, you could see the slight chub that still clung to his cheeks. Another thing he would hate to know that you thought was how much you loved the softness that it leant him. It was cute. 

Almost without your realizing it, you lifted your hand. You were overcome with the sudden urge to poke his cheek. A car horn blared behind you when your finger was less than an inch from his face. You let out an undignified squeak, hands slamming back to the wheel. Katsuki grumbled and turned in the seat, head resting against the window. You could feel the blush burning up your face. 

A few minutes later, you pulled back to the apartment complex. You both lived in the same building, Katsuki directly below your own unit. And now you were overthinking his reason for not living on campus. 

When you opened the passenger door, Katsuki almost fell out. You jerked forward to catch him then dragged him out. He half woke up, as feeble on his legs as a newborn horse. 

You lugged him through the lobby. He was muttering under his breath, but most of the words you could make out were curses. Not unusual for him. You pressed the button for the elevator repeatedly. It just blinked back at you. You sighed in frustration. They had been doing maintenance on your building all week, but now might have been the absolute worst time to do the elevator. 

You shook Katsuki’s shoulder a little bit. His head jostled like a bobble-head. “Suki, I’m gonna need your help here for a minute.” 

His head lolled forward, forehead coming down to press to yours. In a quiet voice, he whispered, “I’d do anything for you.” 

You shoved him upright, face burning. “Then walk up the damn stairs yourself!” 

Despite that, you still ended up half-carrying him up four flights of stairs. You were uncomfortably sweaty when you reached the door to Katsuki’s apartment. The two of you had traded copies of your apartment keys when you had moved in. “In case something happens to your dumb ass and I need to come save you,” He had said. He would frequently stop by, usually when you were hours deep into an all-nighter. He’d bring his laptop and work on whatever 12 page essay way due on your bed while you poured over case reports. You’d sit in silence, just together, sharing the same space, content with nothing more than knowing the other was nearby. Or he’d bring you real food to make sure you weren’t just eating ramen all the time. In turn, you’d pull him out for game night with the squad, make sure he’d actually call his mother once in a while, and lend an ear to his semi-nightly rants on whoever he decided to hate that night. 

You fumbled with the keys, jamming the key in the lock then pushing it open with your shoulder that wasn’t currently occupied by a half-asleep, full-drunk boy who had at least 50 pounds and ten inches on you. 

There was always an expectation with the rooms of single college boys. Greasy pizza boxes, empty bottles of booze displayed like expensive decor, at least one poster of a half-naked girl somewhere, probably a basket of clothes that should have been washed weeks ago. And while you knew plenty of guys who fit that description, Katsuki defied expectation. His apartment was always immaculate. His shoes were lined neatly by the door, a calendar above his desk  color-coded with assignment due dates, bed made. Katsuki may give off the persona of a punk, but you knew he was a straight-laced nerd through and through.  

With the last of your strength, you lugged him across the room, dropping him on his bed. With a groan, you stretched your arms up until you heard a satisfying pop in your back. Hands on your hips, you watched as Katsuki moaned, burying his face in his pillow and pulling his feet up from the floor. You sat on the end of the bed, tugging his feet to you to unlace his shoes. You let them fall haphazardly to the floor, too tired to care about his level of neatness.  

You grabbed a bucket from his hall closet, putting it next to the head of his bed for when he inevitably woke up vomiting in the morning. Checking his bathroom, you put a couple of painkillers and a glass of water on the nightstand with a post-it note saying “Drink Me.” 

Brushing your hands off, you looked around and checked your work. Satisfied that he wouldn’t kill himself between now and when you would inevitably check on him in the morning, you decided it was finally time to head back upstairs and get some well deserved sleep. 

But… 

You turned back at the door. Katsuki was splayed like a starfish, gently snoring with his mouth wide open. You also noticed his blushing red fluffy cheeks. 

You tapped the door knob a few times before sighing in surrender to temptation and turnin back. You knelt down next to the bed. For a moment, you just watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful now. You reached out. Your index finger sunk into his cheek like it was a marshmallow. You couldn’t believe you had never done this before. God, he really was adorable. 

Your thoughts were abruptly cut off as Katsuki’s hand shot up and grabbed your wrist with an iron grip. With a shriek, you tried to scramble backwards. Katsuki lazily opened his eyes, not at all bothered by your struggles. With seemingly no effort on his part, he tugged you forward. Off balance, you fell into his chest. Katsuki wrapped his arms around you in a bear hug, slinging a leg over yours, trapping you on the bed. 

“Katsuki!” You hissed. You squirmed in his hold, not getting any extra room. He just hummed, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You were pretty sure your face was hot enough to start a fire. “Katsuki, let me go!” 

“No,” He mumbled. His voice rumbled against your skin sending shivers through your whole body. 

“Katsuki!” 

“You can’t leave. If you leave, you won’t come back.” 

You stopped struggling. “What are you talking about?” 

He squeezed you tighter. “I’m loud. I get angry real easy. I fight a lot. And you…” He trailed off, his breath catching and rattling in his chest. “You’re so much better than me. You’re nice and smart and talented and pretty and caring and… and…” You could feel the hot tears landing on your skin. He was starting to shake. His grip had loosened enough for you to get out, but instead you brought your arms up and pulled him in closer. “If I let you go, you’ll see how much better you are than me. And you’ll leave. You’ll leave me because you’re better and you deserve so much better. But I’m a selfish bastard and I just want you for myself because I love you so damn much.” 

Your heart dropped into your stomach. You wiggled your hand up, threading your hand into his hair and tilting his head to look up at you. 

“I love you too,” You said softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.” 

Katsuki crushed you to his chest, letting out another loud sob. You could feel hot tears pressing against your eyes. You had no idea Katsuki felt this way about anything; about you, about himself, about your relationship. 

But one thing you knew for sure: You loved Bakugo Katsuki. 

~~~

The first thing Katsuki noticed when he woke up was the head ache. His head felt like he had a railroad spike jammed through his temples. God, what did he do last night? There was the party at Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever house. It’d been fine for a while, hanging out with the guys, playing beer pong, winning some extra cash from freshman in poker (where did he put that money anyway?). And then…

And then someone had said your name. He’d heard it across the room, an amazing feat in and of itself, but his ears were trained for any news of you. He’d jerked up right when he heard it, missing his shot at the beer pong table. He gladly took his drink and went prowling through the house. Who had said your name? Were you here? Were you coming?  

It might have been selfish, he knew how much you hated loud crowds, but damn it, he wanted you here. He remembered the last Greek life party you had been at. He’d lost you at some point between getting into an argument with that damn Deku and pulling Denki down from a keg stand. He’d finally found you huddled into some back corner, looking like a rabbit about to dart from a hungry fox (he wouldn’t mind being that fox, honestly, he could eat you right up.) You’d lost the color in your face, hands shaking as you clutched your red Solo cup almost hard enough for your nails to pierce the plastic. 

He snatched Kirishima by his collar as he carved a path through the room. He planted the extroverted red-head in front of you, creating an extrovert shield between himself and the love of his life you. He’d spent the rest of the night talking to you. Nothing special, he couldn’t even really remember what about. But he did remember the relaxed slope of your shoulders, the spark in your eyes, the smile that played on your lips at whatever lame joke he had just made. 

Back in the present (or last night, whatever), he was still stalking through the halls looking for whoever had mentioned you. He heard it again, the tail end of your name, coming from the living room. 

“-(/N) never had it so good.” There he was, lounging along the bottom stairs with a smug look on his face as he regaled the small crowd he had attracted. Katsuki recognized him as one of those legacy kids, the one who showed up to the first day of orientation in a sleek black Bugatti and took up three parking spaces, talked in almost every one of his classes when he even bothered to show up, and was, without a doubt at every party on or off campus. 

And now he was telling a story about you. What were you ever doing with an asshole like him? 

“You would never guess it from how she dresses, you know,” The guy continued, lazily waving his half-empty beer bottle. “But she is stacked.” 

Katsuki tensed up, his heart jumping into his throat. He pushed aside the crowd until he stood right in front of the bragger on the stairs. “What did you just say?” He asked through clenched teeth. “You're talking about (Y/N) (L/N), right?” 

He lazily swept his gaze up, grinning wide when he saw Katsuki. “Yeah, (Y/N)? You know, she comes across as a frigid bitch, but let me tell you, she’s an incredible lay.” Katsuki’s vision went red. The crowd started to subtly shuffle away, feeling the cold change in atmosphere. “Not much besides that, honestly. Thank god her tits and ass are amazing, cause her face sure wasn’t doing it for me. Super boring, too, heard she’s failing her classes. Oh, well. Hey, I could use a side-piece when I’m running my own firm, you know?” 

The asshole never saw it coming. In the span of a heart beat, Katsuki had grabbed his designer jacket and hoisted him off the stairs, pinning him to the wall so his feet kicked to try and reach the ground. 

“You listen to me, asshole,” Katsuki hissed. “You never talk about (Y/N) again. You never look at her, you never talk to your shit-stain friends about her, you sure as fuck never tell another lie about her, or so help me, you’ll get to find out what color your liver is.” 

Katsuki was half-way sure the jerk had pissed his pants. He dropped him in a heap, landing in the puddle of spilled beer on the floor. He brushed his hand off on his jeans, eager to get whatever germs the gossip had off him.  

He was almost out of ear shot when he heard the rich kid spit and say, “Fine. She’s probably crawling with it if you’re dicking her down.” 

The kid’s head made a dent in the wall as he richoched back from the impact of Katsuki’s punch. He would easily have a black eye and a broken nose, the chipped tooth would just be a  bonus. 

Katsuki’s head was fuzzy with rage, stalked through the house, bee-lining it to the nearest source of inebriation. How dare he? How fucking dare that absolute ass-wipe ever even think of saying such horrible things about you? He wasn’t even worth knowing your name, much less saying it. Not to mention the fact he must be blind to think you were anything less than stunning. Ever since he had known you, you had been nothing but kind and smart and caring and funny and…

“Baku-bro, you doing okay?” 

Katsuki didn’t realize how tight he was holding his fists until he relaxed. His nails had made half-moon indents in his palms, his knuckles brushed red from the punch. 

Kirishima had his mouth pulled down in that stupid puppy dog pout. “I’m fine,” Katsuki brushed him off. He grabbed a beer out of an iced cooler, twisting off the cap in a single motion and chugging half the bottle. 

“Well, that’s good, cause I don’t think Tim Flood is making it out of here without a few stitches.” 

“Good.” Katsuki finished the beer and chucked it into a recycle bin. He grabbed another and stalked out of the room. Everything felt too hot, too tight. His head was pounding. If you were here, you’d get a bag of ice and press it against his forehead. You’d probably call him an idiot for getting into another fight, that he needed to learn how to manage his temper better. He’d call you a dumbass but let you lead him away somewhere dark and quiet, away from all the other more insufferable dumbasses. You’d find some pain killers, get him some water, because that’s just the kind of caring person you were. Maybe you’d bring him upstairs, lead him to an unoccupied bedroom. The two of you would sit together on the bed, maybe just a little too close. You’d hand him the water, his hand would brush against yours. You’d look down, shy, blushing cutely. He’d lean forward, thread his hand through your incredibly soft hair, angle your face up to him. Your plush lips would part slightly and he’d lean forward and - 

“Are you sure you’re good?” Kirishima asked, abruptly cutting off Katsuki’s impromptu fantasy. “Cause you don’t look so good.” Katsuki bit his tongue. “Is it because of what that guy said about (Y/N)?” Katsuki whipped around, glaring daggers. Kirishima smiled and put his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, bro, it’s okay! No one believed him, anyway.” 

Katsuki scoffed, taking a swig of the beer. “(Y/N)’s too good for him anyway.” 

“I bet you think (Y/N)’s too good for everyone here, right?” 

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“It means you need to hurry up and tell (Y/N) you like her!” Sero shouted, jumping in out of nowhere. 

Katsuki dropped his bottle, Kirishima catching it just in time, and grabbed Sero by the front of his shirt and lifted him up. Sero just grinned his stupid, wide grin. 

“Come on, Katsuki,” Denki said, slinging an arm around Katsuki’s shoulders. “We all know you’ve had a thing for (Y/N) since high school. Why don’t you just put us all out of our misery and tell her already?!” 

Katsuki felt his face heat up. “I don’t- I haven’t - Fuck you!”  Katsuki couldn’t remember why he was friends with these three idiots as they all burst out into laughter.

 He snatched his bottle back and pushed through the crowd. He needed some air. He heard Sero yell after him, “You have to tell her eventually!” 

And… That was mostly it. Katsuki’s memories of last night sort of started to trail off after that. He knew that he drank, he drank a lot. At some point he ended up by the pool. And maybe he’d called someone? Oh, hell, he hoped he hadn’t called someone. 

His eyes snapped open at the soft groan. There you were, just inches away from his face, fast asleep and tucked in his arms. You were pressed close, breasts pushing against his chest, legs tangled with his, one hand clutching his shirt. Your lips were parted ever so slightly, breathing heavy and even. 

And you were so fucking close. 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. His arms tightened around you and he tensed. How the hell did this happen? Did you actually come to the party last night? When, and why? What had called you down there-? 

Oh. Oh, the call! He had called you last night? Some time in his drunken haze he must have figured out to bypass the timed lock he had put on it specifically to avoid calling people with a too-honest tongue. But had you…?  Nervously, he looked down. He sighed in relief. You were both still dressed. At least that was one mistake he knew he hadn’t made. 

Alright, that was one problem. Now, on to the next one: How was he going to get out of here without waking you up? Craning his head around, he checked out the room. Wait, this was his room. He was in his apartment! A picture of last night started to form in his mind. He’d called you, blabbering God knows what, and then you’d been a good person (why were you such a good person?) and had come to get him, to make sure he was okay. And then what? He’d somehow seduced you into his bed? No, it was more likely you had stayed to make sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit, maybe sat on the bed because it was the middle of the night and you were exhausted, and then… This. 

Okay, okay, no, this was fine, he could fix this. He could slip out, let you keep sleeping. He’d make some breakfast in the kitchen and then you’d wake up, wander in rubbing the sleep from your eyes in that cute way you did when you pulled an all-nighter studying. He’d chastise you for lugging his drunk ass up here, for being out so late at night. You’d wave him off, compliment his cooking, tell him to take better care of himself, and then smile up at him with that blindingly beautiful smile and sparkling eyes. 

“Morning.” Katsuki yelped at your greeting. He stared, wide-eyed, down at you, as you look back up at him lazily with those sparkling eyes. “It’s kinda hard to breathe here.” He realized then just how tight he was holding you. He jerked backward, his shout of surprise cut off as he fell off the bed. He rubbed his sore hip, looking up when he heard your giggle. You were leaning over the bed, smiling shyly when he caught you staring. 

He gulped hard, feeling his face burning up. “Hi.” 

You tucked a loose threat of hair behind your ear. “Hi.” 

He should say something. He needed to say something. God, why wasn’t he saying something? 

“I-“ Katsuki stopped with an incomplete thought in his mouth. He suddenly felt uncomfortably hot, his stomach clenching and throat going dry. Your face dropped as you lunged forward, dragging a bucket in front of him (where did that even come from?). He surged forward, clenching the sides of the bucket in a white knuckled grip, and threw up. 

You slid off the bed and knelt next to him. You rubbed small circles in his back, whispering small comforts as he coughed up bile and alcohol and who knows what else. You reached over behind him and grabbed a glass of water from his nightstand. 

“Here,” You said. “Rinse and spit. Don’t swallow or gargle, it’ll just mess with your gag reflex.” Rubbing the spike of pain growing in his forehead, he did what you said. When he caught his breath, he accepted the pain killers you had and dry swallowed them. You really had prepared for everything, huh? 

Katsuki shoved the bucket away with his foot, leaning back against the bed. “Fuck…” 

You hummed in response and scooted to sit next to him. “So,” You said. 

“So,” He said back. 

“I don’t suppose you remember much from last night?” 

He clenched his jaw, mouth going dryer than it already was, if that was possible. He tried to laugh, but it sounded forced and strained, even to him. “Hey, we’re both still wearing pants, right?” You didn’t laugh back. 

“So that’s a no then?” The seriousness with which you said that made him pause. 

“I, uh, think I called you?” 

“MmHmm. You didn’t sound too great, so I came to pull you out.” 

“Huh. Thanks for that.” 

“Yup.” You paused for a second. “Do you remember… anything else you said?” 

Fuck. 

“Uhh, I owe you breakfast?” 

You looked away. “Is there anything you maybe told Sero that you wouldn’t want him to tell me?” 

Double fuck. 

“If this is about Halloween last year, Mina was the one who brought the Ouija board.” He smirked at you, waiting for you to laugh with him. Instead you didn’t even look up, staring a hole in the carpet with the intensity of your gaze. 

You let out a sigh through your nose, pushing off your knees to stand. “I’m gonna head out,” You said, rubbing the back of your head and still not looking at him. 

Katsuki jumped up, immediately regretting as his head began swimming. “(Y/N), wait-“ He cut himself off with another surge of nausea and lurched towards the bucket. 

“Katsuki,” You said, sounding frustrated. “Look, I…” You sighed, running a hand through your hair and turning back to him. “We’ve known each other for a long time now, right? And for all the time I’ve known you, you’ve been stubborn and pig-headed and aggressive and just, you know, you. But still, in all that time, despite everything, I still…” You pressed your lips, looking for the right words. “I’m happy when I’m around you, Katsuki. I feel at ease, I feel protected, I feel like I can be better at anything. And I’ve thought about this a lot, so much that it makes my head spin and my heart hurt, but through all the trouble I still think it’s worth it. Because at the end of the day it means I still get to be with you and sometimes I just feel like that’s enough, but now I…” Your lip was trembling, tears gathering at the corners of your eyes. Katsuki wanted nothing more than to take a big step forward and wrap you in the biggest, tightest hug of your life. Finally, you sighed in defeat. “But if you can’t say it, if the One and Only Katsuki Bakugo can’t say it, then how the hell can I?” 

Your voice broke on the last word. Katsuki was so stunned and suddenly pinned with guilt that he couldn’t move when you spun on your heels and rushed out of his apartment. 

Oh, fuck. 

~~~

“Idiot,” You murmured to yourself as you fled up the apartment stairs, furiously wiping at your eyes to get rid of the oncoming tears. “Idiot, idiot, idiot.” By the time you reached your apartment and slammed the door behind you, you weren’t sure if you were talking about Katsuki or yourself. 

You felt sick. Anxiety gnawed at your mind like a starving coyote. Had you really just confessed your feelings to Katsuki? Had you really just confessed your feelings to Katsuki like that? Would he ever speak to you again? Would things just become too awkward that you’d be edged out of your friend group? They had known Katsuki much longer than they had known you, after all. God, what if he was calling Kirishima right now and telling him about the disaster of a morning, after you had taken advantage of his blitz out state and slept in the same bed with him? 

Well, no. Kirishima was probably still knocked  out from his own night of heavy imbibing. Not to mention that even he, the most kind-hearted and patient person you knew, would have to draw a line at listening to Katsuki rant while dealing with a massive hangover. 

And no, Katsuki wouldn’t do that to you. Despite his rough deminor, his abrasive personality, and his profane tongue, Katsuki was actually a sweetheart deep down. Maybe really deep down, but still. He wouldn’t be so intentionally cruel, even if you told him that you shared all of his baby pictures of him playing in his All Might onesie online. 

So then why were you still huddled on a heap on the floor, back pressed against the front door, crying? Why was this pit of loneliness blooming in your chest?  

You yelped at the sudden banging on the door. Who could be here so early in the morning? You had paid rent this month, right? You sniffed, rubbing your eyes and smoothing out your clothes. You hoped your cheeks weren’t the blotchy red they got whenever you were upset. You took a deep breath to steady your voice for whoever was outside. 

Opening the door, you looked up at a wide-eyed Katsuki, panting hard with determination set on his face. You groaned internally. 

“Katsuki,” You began,” About what I said, I’m sorr-” 

Without waiting for you to finish, Katsuki surged forward. You tried to take a step backward, almost falling, but he caught you, a strong grip on your shoulders. Without waiting for you to get your bearings, Katsuki leaned in, smashing his lips against yours. 

It wasn’t a graceful kiss, all clashing teeth and urgency rather than romance. His eyes were screwed closed. He stayed pressed against you, not moving, grip so tight on your upper arms you thought there might be a mark later. 

Just as suddenly as he had come forward, he jerked back, but kept his hold on you. You both breathed heavily, eyes locked. Your mind whirled, a hundred voices shouting at the same time. For once, you decided to ignore them and let your body do what it wanted. 

You reached up, wrapping your arms around Katsuki’s neck and pulled him back in. This kiss was controlled, soft and sweet. His hands dropped from your shoulders to wrap around your waist. He pressed in harder, adding desperation in the kiss, as if he thought you would vanish any second. When you both pulled away this time, he leaned his forehead against yours, noses bumping into each other, sharing the same breath. 

His voice was rough. “Sorry,” He said. “I had to brush my teeth first.”

[squishyteri]

Ult Group Tag

I was tagged by @jiqri, thank you for that.

My ult group is GOT7 so I'mma go with them.

(I put "Read More" in order to not spam cuz it's long)

1. Who was your first bias?

Jinyoung.

I loved his voice. I didn't know which member it is, I only knew how he sounded like because I loved that sound.

2. Who is your bias now?

Jackson.

I got attached to him after finding out how much he loves and cares about others. I also loved his energy and positivity.

3. What was the first MV you watched by them?

Just Right.

Immediately fell in love with the song even without knowing meaning. This song helped me so much gaining my confidence.

4. What's your favorite MV?

I'll say You Are.

That MV is visually so pleasing and I just love everything about it. I just wish it could get much more love and recognition.

5. If you could only listen to one of their songs for the rest of your life, which would it be?

I'll go with Playground.

This song has so much meaning and story behind it. This would be the song I would love to hear every day if I couldn't hear any other.

6. Who would you want to see collab with?

I have wild wish of GOT7 and Ateez having epic stage together but I guess that'll never happen.

More doable collab I wish for would be GOT7xHanbin. Let Jaebeom sit with Hanbin and produce song of the century.

7. What (MV) concept do you want to see them do?

I would love to see something like Just Right again. Cute7 please.

But considering that some members (*glares at maknaes*) might reject that idea I would also love to see GOT7 doing JUS2 type of thing. Pillowtalk song by GOT7.

8. Have you ever had a dream with any of the members in it?

I have that all the time. They always do something questionable (normal GOT7 behavior basically).

Last dream I remember was when Jackson pulled me, my mom, my sister and my grandpa from shop and took us to London. However our plane crashed in some kind of jungle and Jackson was leading the way back to civilization.

9. If you could spend the day with one member, who would it be and what would you do?

Yugyeom. I would ask him to give me damn long dance lesson. I really love to dance and I wish he could teach me something to get better. Then we would go to get ice choco for Gyeom and frapuccino for me. Then go home and cuddle while watching a movie or something.

10. Which member do you think you would get on with best?

I think either Mark or Jinyoung.

We wouldn't talk that much, but when we would talk it would be meaningful convo (or maybe total bs because of the dorks in us). We would discuss games or books. I'm also mom of my friend group so maybe exchanging some parenting tips. And I feel like I would be comfortable with these two the most.

11. Which member do you think you would argue with?

None. I don't argue. But if someone would be getting on my nerves I guess it would be BamBam. He can't be serious for two seconds, he's loud, he never chills. And while members just sigh and ignore his crazy ass, me not used to it would probably yell at him to shut his damn cakehole.

12. If you had to let one member scroll through your tumblr, who would it be?

I guess Jackson or BamBam. Those two would be most chill with all the things they would see here and wouldn't judge.

I'm tagging @ineffably-bad. Let's do it Hemms!

[mina-against-onision]

Review of “farewell” so y’all don’t have to suffer for 7 minutes

>> First thing I see: He has his shirt on thank god

>>”I’m staying in a tent now.”

His hair is wet but his body is dry you can’t do that without a towel and heat but go off

>> “The divorce is, *pause* things are not good.”

 He still wears his wedding ring in every single video, including his latest one. Plus, we’re all aware that this whole shitshow is acting, yes?

>> “Just Google ‘Onision’, and you’ll see hundreds of people… Ripping apart every aspect of who I am, and, more significantly, who I am not.”

 Everything that you have been accused of, at least on this hellsite and most if not all of youtube, is based off of physical evidence, images, videos, or audios.

>> “When I made that ‘freakout’ video because I had just got fired, essentially, from Patreon… [people] made reaction videos where they just laughed at me suffering.”

Greg has said multiple times both on his twitter and in his videos that that video in particular was just acting. Except, now that he’s playing the victim it was conveniently real. He’s not even fact checking to his own content lmao

>> “I got a call from Youtube. I did. And they said, ‘Oh, we need you to take down your Shane Dawson videos.’”

First off, everyone knows that Youtube doesn’t call. They email. Anyone who’s a fan of a big youtuber knows that. Second, they wouldn’t contact you about taking videos down? Like, I’m not a youtuber, but based on the videos I’ve seen complaining about the system, they just take the videos down. Nice try, huntie.

>>  He talks about his Shane Dawson videos for like a whole minute

>> He then reiterates that he “”lives in a tent”” and that he’s a “victim”.

>> He also yells that everyone never gives him a chance to defend himself and all that jazz.

>> “AND EVEN WHEN HE LOSES HIS MIND, WE’LL STILL BULLY HIM!!1!”

Okay this gave me the same vibes I got where he was faking being bipolar and yelling at himself in the mirror then every thirty seconds switching to being the victim and back. He’s also peaking his phone mic

>> He yells that people are only attacking him because they’re getting paid. Has he conveniently forgotten about tumblr and twitter or..?

>> He also complains about the Youtube anti-bullying policy, which we all know doesn’t work anyways

>> “Where all you did was just hug an object and talk about how much you love Shane Dawson…”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t he also say some extremely messed up things in those videos?

>> “Ripping every aspect of their life, and their made up life apart!!” Bruh we have physical, undoctored proof, nothing about you is made up, except for the stuff you say about yourself.

>>The last 4 minutes is basically him yelling and repeating himself about how he’s the victim and he doesn’t deserve this.

>> “I quit. I’m done with youtube. I’m done with all of you. I’m done with the internet.”

We all wish. This was nowhere near his last post ANYWHERE.

>> “There are people who get stabbed, and there are people who get violated and so forth, and none of you ever talk about it.”

If anything, that stuff is one of the things the internet talks about the most. If you’re gonna bs, try harder than that.

>> “Instead you’re gonna talk about a guy who did nothing wrong, and the worst thing he ever did was have a different opinion than you.”

Huh 

>> All I’m getting from the ending is that he 1) assumes he did nothing wrong besides having an opinion and 2) assumes everyone is a sadist??

2/10 he kept his shirt on and didn’t dry heave or fake an illness

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Late to the slapping discourse but I think another thing is, well, p much everybody, be they makoto fans or haters, despise that confidant, especially due to eiko hogging up so much screentime, so seeing makoto slap her was likely pretty cathartic

sfdjkhla I get where ya coming from anon, but sorry you just reignited this fury inside me again I’mma just rant (not at you, just at the void that is tumblr, I’m just mad and I have more to say about this topic apparently laskfdj;af Just know you didn’t do anything wrong, but your ask did make me think of something new so yay!). Tho tbh, I’ve seen other Mako haters hate that she slaps Eiko for my similar reasons (aka Mako is a pretty bad person who gets away with some bad shit because she’s an main character and we need to be “on her side”). But I don’t think that slap should’ve been viewed as cathartic (tho I get WHY people do), or the fact that it is showcases a big (writing) problem.

(also sorry this is all over the place, I’m writing it very quickly, while quickly reviewing her CoOp, before I go to bed)

Y’all know I hate Makoto, and I think her CoOp is hot garbage, but I don’t actually blame Eiko for it tbh (I mean Ryuji/Anne’s are just fine with juggling other chars, despite having their own issues.....not so much are because of said side chars, it’s other things but again the side chars are juggled just fine with Anne/Ryu). I don’t really hate the char, I think she’s fine. She’s a pretty friendly person, maybe a tad airheadish but she’s not mean (at least she doesn’t say mean things without a reason). Hell I think she does her role pretty fine, it’s Makoto who fails to overcome flaws (mostly her hotheadedness and applying these new view points she’s learned). 

If the writers intended Makoto’s slap to be cathartic no offense but fuck those writers yo. Because it showcases Makoto really is unable to understand any other person’s mindset (at least in practice), does her own selfish shit, and gets rewarded even tho she hurt someone or failed to actually do the bare min to make up for shit she’s done (like the Kamo arc, sorry but you had her say it yourself writers “it’s not that I couldn’t do anything, it’s that I just didn’t care enough” your whole “adults make me do things I don’t want to/they are mean :(” bs doesn’t mesh well, you don’t actually resolve or address the flaw of that char, you just shoved responsibility onto someone else....with that something else isn’t really explored/expanded upon either). Basically, if that slap was cathartic, I think the writers failed....I mean they already did fail with them actually writing that slap in, but they failed at their theme/moral to boot.

So when I have Makoto, who’s CoOp literally starts out with her wanting to learn new perspectives (and you know, maybe kinda learning a little EMPATHY) it’s hard to argue she learned that shit when she literally is unable to do just that and slaps someone. As well as reinforce the fact SHE SHOULDN’T BE IN THE POSITION SHE IS IN (aka our planner/advisor/whatever). 1) It shows she can’t control her emotions (and if we’re gonna give Ryu shit, she def deserves it too), 2) she can’t come up with a gd plan to save her life (the best plan the PT came up with was the first dungeon in PQ2 and guess what? She wasn’t a part of it, gee I’d be shocked but....I’m not). 

It just showcases the poor writing ability of that writer. Makoto’s CoOp is about her learning new things about society and her peers she’s failing at, and ability to connect/understand the people around her....and at that freaking climax it just shows.....she didn’t learn shit. She’s been saying she did all CoOp, even basically says she understands why Eiko is acting that way, but what does she do with that info? Does’t apply it when confronting her and just reverts to bullheaded Makoto mode. It doesn’t matter what happens after, we don’t see her reconcile with Eiko, all that is off screen. In the climatic moment, she fails to accomplish the goal of what her CoOp set out to do....and she’s rewarded for it. She doesn’t realize why Eiko is upset, she doesn’t try to think of a backup plan in case her first one fails, she acts only on her own emotions in the moment. And no “her friend is in danger of prostitution so it’s now or never” is NOT a good excuse, you wanna know WHY? The freaking, change of heart part of the ENTIRE GD GAME! Any argument of “we can’t always use hear changes” goes out the gd window with like 90% of any problems we encounter when we can just go to the Metaverse (to even just interrogate tbh!). The only reason Anne/Yoshida work is because Anne’s we don’t know till the literal last second and by then it’s resolved itself, and Yoshida is dead set on fixing it himself! Makoto’s CoOp? No, that guy should be bumped from “shady boyfriend” to “yeah this guy is now on our request lists holy shit does he fit our MO”

But back to Eiko, yeah it’s great Makoto is expanding her horizons, so glad she knows what a cardigan is~! Too bad, despite actually knowing her friend’s circumstance and possibly why she’s acting that way, Makoto doesn’t approach it with the level of tact that is freaking needed. Showcasing she’s learnt nothing, nothing from her past mistakes, not from “these new viewpoints I’ve learnt,” nothing from knowing WHY her friend might be feeling this way. She literally just does what she’s been doing. She just has the smoke and mirrors benefit of saying “well I learnt a new viewpoint” but your actions speak louder than your words. You didn’t learn shit. 

Wait....no I’m not giving Makoto enough credit, haha, you see she did learn something, at the beginning of the CoOp, and that’s actually not ignoring something shady going on. Unlike with the Kamo arc. My bad, so instead of seeing her bull her way through feeling “forced” to do something, we see her bulling her way through “caring” this time. But here’s the thing, that wasn’t her arc for this CoOp, her understanding other viewpoints was. She failed. Somehow she freaking failed. It’s a talent Makoto! It’s a real talent you have there!

You know why I think Makoto/Eiko thing pisses me off so much? I have a friend that reminds me a lot of Eiko. She’s nice, def a girly gal type person, as well as other things. She had just begun dating someone I deemed a red flag (not Tsukasa bad like selling yourself or that she was in any kinda danger, but still a “yeah you should know” kinda thing....like...I’d feel bad if I didn’t know about it and I was in her position kinda thing). And you know what I did? Did I take her out into public on a crowded street and yell at her and say you need to break up with him and when she got (pretty rightfully) defensive I then slapped her and got on my high horse and was like “I’m doing this for your own good! YOU  don’t understand MY position, what I’M going through, but you need to know what I’m doing is for the BEST!”? No. That never crossed my freaking mind cause I’m not a psychopath. I instead, took her out for ice cream, sat in a more remote spot for privacy, and reassured her of her emotions and own autonomy and that I cared and that I understand she cares about things and I’m coming from a place of good faith and I wasn’t there to attack her, and then I broke the news to her. You know what she did? She laughed, was happy I was a normal human being with some tact, said she wished another friend of hers did what I did instead of through text. Said she’d take what I said into consideration. She broke up with him a few months later.....cause he was a twat apparently, but our friendship was well in tact and strengthened. And I was barely a year older than Makoto was at the time, AND a super awkward honor student AND my friendship with her was about as new as Mako’s and Eiko’s (AND we were very much opposites like those two hell even more so).

I dunno, it just would’ve been so much more impactful if Makoto, instead of slapping Eiko after she called Mako a “bitch.” Mako stepped forward (making everyone think she’s going to be physical but instead it showcases Makoto thinking rationally for once), looked Eiko in the eye and said “What you think of me is not all that I am. And even if you hate me, know I still think of you as my friend and will be here for you for whatever reason. But I won’t let you throw your life away, not for this scum of a human being. *turns to Tsukasa* Listen to me asshole, I say this not as some honor student, but as Eiko’s friend. You will be delivered justice, and you will apologize to Eiko and all the other girls who’s lives you’ve ruined” to which we either get Tsukasa’s name via asking around (low key Ichiko could probably help), or by getting it from Shadow!Eiko in the metaverse. The next rank we see Eiko and Mako making up, and Mako explains how she’s more than just an honor student (basically the shit she says after she slaps Eiko), and Eiko apologizes for all the mean things she said in the moment and how she felt afraid or whatever other stuff they wanna add to deepen her char or whatever. And we have a theme kept intact, and Eiko even learns about new perspectives (as well as reinforcing this whole moral/theme to the viewer)....but we legit get to see this development for her, and we learn how to do it with compassion and understanding and not ‘slap to be dramatic~!’ bs (because then it comes off as like....using force to change someone’s behavior.....and like????? probably not the best message ESP for P5′s setting). You can dislike Eiko, but the CoOp technically became just as much as her arc as Mako’s and the fact we don’t see the resolution is poor. (btw the “how/when” it would’ve taken place would’ve been rank 9 still, we just wouldn’t rank up till the mementos mission was done, that or restructure the link but the former is easier)

So....yeah....maybe it’s the fact that Makoto’s CoOP belittles how teens can actually resolve these problems. Maybe it’s the fact we’re supposed to root for Mako’s bad behavior. Maybe it’s the fact when it came down to the wire, Mako didn’t utilize the knowledge she has been bragging about getting over the CoOp. Maybe it’s the fact she resorted to violence when there was another avenue to take. Maybe it’s the fact we never see Makoto actually hit a bad guy/aggressor (instead we have to save her from those) but instead only see her hitting her so called friends. Maybe it’s the fact of her showcasing flaws that she shouldn’t have (her hotheadedness and shitty planning skills). Or maybe it’s the fact we root for a “cathartic slap” in favor of doing what this CoOp is supposed to be: teaching Makoto AND the viewer about learning to see someone else’s perspective, and coming up with a plan that we never would’ve thought of to help fix that issue. Sacrificing a big theme/moral of the CoOp for something “dramatic.”

But I don’t know why I should be shocked, this is P5. Contradictions everywhere, in the lore, in the themes, in the writing, in the morals. Just. Everywhere. 

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

[thefloatingstone]

remember Nostalgia Critic's reviews on the Care Bear movies?

(shit tumblr ate part of the ask)

I remember the Nostalgia Critic’s review of the Care Bears movies, but I don’t really watch him any more, and not only because of the BS that’s come to light recently regarding Channel Awesome. I just don’t find NC’s reviews to be all that compelling any more, and I think I’ve really outgrown his form of video essays, having moved on to other youtuber’s reviews which I find much more enriching.

I’ve become an enormous fan of Super Eyepatch Wolf, both when he criticizes something but usually I enjoy his videos where he enjoys the subject matter the most. But some of my most favourite videos of his, is when he seems stuck between loving the thing he is covering in a video, while also feeling frustrated with its shortcomings. Which ends up in reviews where there is no final verdict of something being “shit” or “the best thing ever”

And then as I’ve mentioned numerous times, I love “Red Letter Media” who almost exclusively watch shitty straight-to-video movies on their channel, but will do while videos discussing cult and pulp films they see as worthwhile, even if they’re conflicted on whether the film is actually good or not.

And then I enjoy MauLer’s academic breakdowns on why certain films are just fundamentally broken, although I feel MauLer as a person is kind of an asshole who I would not like. But unlike most youtubers his videos, being so academically focused, do not allow for him to play up his own personality. So even the fact that I think as a person he’s kind of a dick, I can watch his videos without feeling any annoyance or animosity towards him because his arguments and understanding of the subject material is well researched, worded, and his ability to craft a solid argument means I highly enjoy his work and his personality as a person is simply not important to the videos he creates.

He’s about 2 parts of 2 and a half hours each into a massive break down of why the Force Awakens is a poor story which I highly recommend, but if you’re not someone like me who can listen to one person dissect one film for 5+ hours, I recommend his recent videos where he was basically just blowing off steam after being furious with GOT’s last season (and I am someone who has only seen 2 episodes of GOT as a whole and has no interest in watching the show)

I very very recently subscribed to a channel called “Good Bad or Bad Bad?” which is exactly what it sounds like. 2 guys who work in the film industry going into movies they know beforehand are going to be terrible, watch the films and then discuss it for a little over an hour together before giving a verdict if they found the movie “Good Bad” as in “This movie is so fucking terrible it’s awesome please watch it!” or “Bad Bad” as in “This is a miserable sit avoid this film at all costs”. It’s a great channel because ALL the films they watch are objectively terrible. I recommend their reviews of literally ANY of the Niel Breen movies which are as close to an Out of Body experience as you’ll get from a film.

And finally, which I’m sure surprises NO-ONE, I enjoy YourMovieSucks a whole lot (although I find Adum’s friends pretty insufferable when they do a video together). Adum knows his film stuff and although I have completely disagreed with him on a film or two, I still find his break downs and arguments on why a film is bad (or sometimes great) to be very compelling. I’m not gonna link him though because tumblr only allows for 5 video links and I’d rather link the next person who is

RalphtheMovieMaker. Who I have been watching for about 2 years now. Ralph is a fascinating individual to me, he was I think 18 or 19 when I started watching him and he was 16 when he started his youtube channel, but if you listen to how he talks about film there’s not a single part of what he says which reflects his age. Not only because I find his arguments compelling, but also in his ability to recognise every single part that makes up a film in ways that I am not skilled enough to notice when watching a film. He not only notices and discussing acting, music or cinematography, which I’m good at identifying for the most part, but also editing, lighting especially which is a favourite of his, and things like sound mixing. He has the ability to grasp all layers of a film when he discusses it, and unsurprisingly, has made 2 or 3 indie films himself that are a little above just “youtuber makes a movie with his parent’s camera” and I know he’s won and independent film award for at least one movie.

He use to indulge yelling at shitty movies, or as he put it “I don’t review movies, I review corporate products”, often focusing on big franchise movies like DC or Marvel or something like that, but he has recently decided he no longer finds enjoyment in talking about bad film, and instead is making more videos discussing good movies he wants to give more attention to in a series he’s called “Ralph Recommends”. And just like his bad movie reviews, his actual film making style is creeping more and more into his reviews with vignettes, editing, music choices, and how he chooses to add his text.

Anyway, highly recommend this guy. Go back and watch his bad movie reviews too. This guy knows his stuff.

Anyway, my long winded point is; although the NC did indeed lay a foundation (in part) to my enjoyment if video essays and movie critique, I have now grown where simply yelling about nonsense in a mediocre film is no longer a satisfying experience for me, and these days I need more in a review than making jokes about how the timeline in the second Care bears movie doesn’t make any sense. I remember the review, and I remember certain gags like how he’s pronounce the name “Dark Heart” and the aforementioned confusion on how the second movie’s timeline makes no sense, but I haven’t really retained any of his criticism of the film.

So like…. I remember NC had a review of the Care Bears movie, and I remember watching them and a few jokes, but as a whole? I don’t really remember the NC’s Care Bear reviews that well.

(also I kinda just wanted to recommend some more cool youtubers and videos I like and I seize any opportunity to do so)

☕️Buy me a Ko-fi ☕️

[likeshipsonthesea]

Nurseydex + 21 + 25. :D

from the mash-up thing, 21. Dystopian AU and 25. Fairytale AU

okay i promised myself i wouldn’t write anymore of these, i have homework goddammit, but i saw these numbers and got THE PERFECT IDEA so here we go

it’s the year 2123. the world has been run over by machinery. there are small pockets of the earth left preserved with grass and trees and stuff, but they are controlled by the super-rich and typical people cannot see them. machines produce the oxygen needed to survive, the streets are littered with tall buildings and pipes and all the kind of steam-punk aesthetics you can think of

enter; dex. a small town boy from maine, in one of the last towns left on the water. he knows he’s privileged to even see the water, but fuck he wishes he could see the trees. maine was one of the last places to be taken over, and his grandparents remember the days of the environment, and show dex scrapbooks with pictures of trees and grass and moss. fuck dex really wants to see moss

and he’s out one day after a job fixing up someone’s O2Buddy (the things that make oxygen) and his car breaks down. it’s broken down a bunch in the past few weeks and he’s waiting on a new part (the post office has gone Downhill in the past hundred years) and so when he gets out to check the engine, he can’t do anything to fix it. it’s fucked beyond repair.

he’s pissed–still angery, 100 years later– and kicks the bumper before walking off in a fit of rage. the side-streets are full of buildings (overpopulation really skyrocketed) but he navigates between the twisting alleyways, furious and not paying attention, when he comes to a dead end.

in his anger, he kicks the wall. he probably would have broken a toe if the wall was solid, but it wasn’t. the wall shivers, and a square of its scrap-metal composition comes loose. dex blinks.

from within the sliver the scrap reveals, there’s glowing. dex cautiously takes a step closer and peers through the crack. his heart starts racing. it’s– green?

he peels back the metal and–he was right. it’s–it’s grass. from the pictures. holy shit.

he pulls back more of the metal until he can fit his body in through it and is suddenly transported into another world. a circular enclosure, maybe twenty feet in radius, full of grass and flowers and–and fuck, is that a tree? the walls of metal stretch up to the sky, where sunlight falls in, unfiltered. dex takes a deep breath– he smells nothing but the air.

it’s so beautiful. he laughs and falls to his knees in the grass. how is this possible? why is there here? what is this–

that’s when dex sees the casket.

okay, it’s not a casket, but it’s basically one. it’s made of glass for some reason? and it’s on some kind of pedestal. dex stands up and makes his way closer and–

“holy shit.” dex stumbles back. there’s a fucking body in it!

…

except it’s perfectly preserved. he gets closer again. this place–preserved and gorgeous as it is– has to be more than forty years old– 2081 is when the last maine preservation bill was struck down, and the machines moved in. how could the body be this perfect if it’s had forty years to decompose?

dex doesn’t realize that he’s still getting closer as he thinks, and all of a sudden he’s right next to the casket. there’s an engraving on the side, with beautiful lettering. ‘for the other half, the simple soul, the touch that will restore what the darkness stole’

..the fuck?

looking away from the engraving (golden and cursive and way dramatic) he finds himself staring at the body. the man. he’s–well, beautiful. this dex has no idea what homophobia is except for the weird fringe people that no one talks to anymore, so he’s v comfortable in his liking of the peen.

the man in the casket has an elegant nose, beautiful slightly parted lips, high cheekbones and a jaw prettier than even the best working engine (dex still loves to Fix) but dex keeps finding himself staring at the black, fanning eyelashes, the soft closed lids. he wonders what color the man’s eyes are.

unthiking, just wanting to get closer, dex reaches out to touch the glass, and the man’s eyes promptly open. (they’re green)

‘what the fuck’ they both yell, simultaneously.

this is where the story really gets going.

nursey is, obviously, really fucking confused at why he’s in a casket with this beautiful ginger boy staring at him with eyes like amber and so many freckles that nursey misses the stars. then, when they both calm down enough for dex to get him out of the casket and– a little later–for dex to tell him the year, nursey freaks out again.

‘it’s 2123? that’s not even a real year!”

“um, yeah it is.”

“oh my god.” … “trump didn’t implode the world?”

“…trump? that guy that got impeached in his third year?”

“oh thank the lord.”

after a brief recap of the 21st century–the capitalists that took over, the strides to protect the environment that turned into hiding it away, the rise of big business and the dissolution of the middle class– nursey is reeling.

“oh my god,” he keeps saying, over and over again, and dex watches him, so confused (and a lil bewitched bc, come on, it’s nursey) and after nursey seems to have settled, as much as one can in this situation, dex asks.

“so, like… why were you in a casket for a hundred years?”

“oh yeah.” nursey blinks. “that dude.”

‘that dude’ turns out to be this asshole elder wizard who didn’t want nursey to become the next ranking wizard– a combination of racism, homphobia, and power-grapping assholery– so he put a curse on nursey’s mind and heart– he wouldn’t be able to survive without his soulmate.

“and, like, even the guy’s curses were antiquated,” nursey says, complaining and gesturing avidly with his hands, “no one did love curses anymore! he could’ve hexed came out of my mouth whenever i tried to talk, but no! he’s gotta go all bs true love. god. no creativity.”

dex just blinks because, like, magic. magic is a thing. wow. okay.

and so long story short, his parents tried so hard to find someone who would work as his soulmate– “because no one has just one,” nursey explains, having read a bunch of books on it bc he’s a Romantique, “there are a bunch of people who sooth your soul, magic or whatever, it has a lot to do with timing and willingness and–i’m losing you, anyway back to the story”– but his parents found no one, and nursey was fading fast

before he could wither away completely, he gave his parents consent to put a stasis spell on him. “they probably put me up here to keep me safe,” nursey says, shrugging, suddenly so sad. his parents, dex realizes, are probably dead.

“maine was one of the last places to go mechanical,” dex says. “they probably kept you close as long as they could.”

nursey nods, and his eyes go all glassy, and dex wants to comfort him but, like, they just met, so he settles with patting comfortingly at nursey’s shoulder. then nursey looks up, eyes wide.

“wait. you woke me up.”

dex squints. “uh, yeah.”

“you’re my soulmate.”

“oh.”

“yeah.”

well.

then a lot of other stuff happens– dex takes nursey home, which causes a bunch of fun antics with out-of-our-time nursey interacting with a plethora of ginger aunts, uncles, and little cousins. nursey tries to relearn living in a world without grass or trees or fresh air. he and dex learn, bit by bit, about one another, and figure that the soulmate thing is probably correct–though they argue constantly, about big things small things and anything else they can find.

(the arguments, the good ones, always come with real good sex, so they’re both p happy about that)

and of course nursey is mourning the loss of his time and friends and family, and he tells dex stories of his teammates and classes and parents, until dex mourns them right along with him. “i think i would have liked them” he says, quiet, one night, while staring up at the glow-stars nursey found in a retro store and put up.

“i think they would’ve liked you too,” nursey says, quiet, pressing a kiss to dex’s starry cheek.

it’s not all cuddles and smiles, though. nursey reawakening sends a ripple through the magic world and guess what–asshole elder wizard is still alive! he siphoned the life source of others or nature or little baby bunnies or something, idk, he’s evil, okay?

turns out he’s living in one of the last green places and, as power dicks are, is very insecure about his place. when he finds out nursey woke up, he immediately sends people to find him and kill him. obviously, it doesn’t work.

so nursey ends up getting tired about all the assholes that show up when he’s trying to just life his best gay life, so he tracks down the elder asshole and challenges him to a duel, or whatever, and the elder loses bc his life source is so weak from siphoning for so long, and nursey wins!! hurray!! and he and dex kiss and it’s great!!! (the screen cuts out before it gets Too Kissy, you know, bc we’re good christians here on tumblr, no tongues for us, no no)

and then nursey and dex make the elder wizard’s patch of green open to the public, and everyone sees the world they could have (maybe the gov was keep everyone in the dark about how good nature was?? the machines are better, less death? idk this isn’t for world building it’s for the Gay) and because everyone loves grass now, they rebel and dismantle all of the machinery and reveal the beautiful (suffering but alive) greenery underneath and everyone starts recycling again and it’s great!

dex finally gets to see moss in real life and he loves it don’t get him wrong, but, like. nursey’s eyes are still the best green he’s ever seen.

and they all lived happily ever after

[seraphic-sapphic-safehaven]

have u ever been to pride ?? if so, how was it ??? hopefully if i can sneak away from my dad and get a day off from work, i might be going to pride next sunday but i have no idea how it goes and i think im just nervous ugh ): 💕

I went to my first Pride last year actually! It went pretty aside from the homophobic+transphobic Bible-thumping assholes with a megaphone. Yknow, the pricks with signs like "Homo sex is sin!"?? Yeah, those people. But while we were all waiting in line to get into the area with all the merch and food, we were just countering their bullshit. My fiancée was yelling Bible verses that challenged their homophobic BS. I kept cracking jokes against them and legit had people quoting me in their tweets lmfao. Then these people got up on a platform and started chanting stuff like "Homo sex is IN!" and "Trans lives matter!" So then everyone started chanting with them, and we kept chanting different phrases for like... an hour lol. Basically, it was a huge LGBTQ+ solidarity protest, and it was amazing. It was empowering to feel so accepted and loved by my fellow LGBTQ+ members and to be part of a huge opposing group that drowned out the hate from homophobes & transphobes 🏳️‍🌈

After all that, we finally got in and bought some pride merch. We talked to some of the people we met in line. Iunno, it was just a really accepting, warm environment. It was nice to see queer people just... being happy and being themselves.

The parade part was great, too!! It was awesome to see everyone showing their pride in their identities! And I had a poster full of pride flags, and it made me so happy when people stopped to look at it to take a picture and/or to find their pride flag 😊

Overall, my Pride experience was fun, and it felt fantastic to be surrounded by other LGBTQ+ people. It felt like home. I hope yours will be good, too!

It's okay to feel nervous because yeah, it's a big crowd of people you don't know. But I promise, there's not much to worry about. Most people at Pride are really accepting and kind! I doubt anyone will judge you or hurt you or anything like that, but you should still try to be safe. Please try going with a friend if you can. Make sure you tell/text someone where you're going to be so someone knows where you're supposed to be. MAKE SURE TO BRING AND DRINK WATER!! I was b o i l i n g at Pride last year and chugged so much water. Additionally, wear something that you won't get super hot in; shorts or capris, thinner t-shirts, etc. etc. are good. Also, it's good to keep cash on you so you can pay for your ticket and for any merch you might want; pride events tend to be lacking in credit/debit card readers, so yeah. Oh, and wear good, sturdy shoes that are comfy to walk in!! That's all the tips I have, but I know you can search for more online and on Tumblr 💜

I hope this helped 😊

[hotegg]

my weird fae connection (pt 1)

ive has a weird relationship with fey my whole life, even when i didn’t believe they existed.

my earliest memory regarding faeries was when i was reeeaaallly small. baby toddler age. i had this lovely little book about faeries that had beautiful and captivating illustrations. it was a little kids book, so i imagine its contents were sweet and bedtime story-ish. yet, when i looked at it, i got such a weird feeling. kinda like... i got uncomfortable? i wasn’t sure why, though.

fast forward many years until i started my craft, so about a year and a half ago. i learn a bit about the fey/fae but only really basic stuff like don’t give them your name, don’t make deals with them unless you’re really prepared, don’t thank them, they are dangerous, ect ect

other than that, i didn’t spend too much time focusing on them because i was busy learning other things.

one day i was feeling generous and in a giving mood. i wanted to become a bit more friendly towards whatever forces or spirits resides on and around my land. so i left a very very simple offering and told them to enjoy. part of the dedication was to the fae that might’ve been around.

it was kinda a one-time thing. i didn’t leave any other offerings after that. but then, oh boy, a week or so after, i had a shit week. all of my stuff kept going missing in the most INCONVENIENT of times. sometimes the things would turn up at the end of the day, sometimes not. it was extremely frustrating and it made me real upset real fast. at the time, i just didn’t recognize that a spirit, or even the fey, was messing with me. the idea only really hit me last month out of the blue.

as i’m going about my path, learning witch stuff and doing magic, i meet a lot of amazing people online. i also got some energy readings done. from what i can remember, i’ve been told i have fey/fae energy twice now. the first time was by a friend here on tumblr just briefly starting that my energy reminds them of fae. huh, weird. it was interesting, but nothing clicked when they said that.

even after a year of practicing magick, i still didn’t learn much about faeries. in fact, i kinda avoided them. actually, i definitely avoided them. i’m not sure why. kinda like the book when i was small, i just kept getting weird vibes from fey that i didn’t wanna mess with. especially after i realized that the week of hell i had experienced might’ve been due to the fact that i didn’t give the fae more offerings when they wanted it.

now, i honestly can’t remember if this next event was before or after my friend mentioning the fae vibe in my energy. but i remember one night, definitely a handful of months ago at least, i was falling asleep. but it wasn’t... it wasn’t a normal way of me falling asleep, if that makes sense? yes, i was laying down, i was comfortable and tired and ready to rest, but my energetic being was like “nope! we want to go to the astral!!!” and it was hard for me to stop.

it felt like i was diving head first down a chute. i keep going deeper until i remember seeing an oddly blank background that had a reddish tint to it? and standing before the strange backdrop, i (blurry) saw a handful of small beings. they were short (and if i’m remembering correctly, kinda squat) and had wings, and looked like they had human bodies. other than that, i couldn’t make out the details.

they seemed really joyful and jolly. kinda like any creature dancing and singing in Shrek. to me, it was like watching the cheesiest play.

they were singing in these high pitches voices and i understood they were smiling and acting happy and whimsical. but their dancing seemed to be leading me to somewhere. they were inviting somewhere. they were trying to lure me in.

now, a couple things to mention here.

1. i trust my deep foundation of my soul to save me in odd circumstances. i feel somewhat confident that i could kinda auto-pilot around in the astral and trust my core being not to be stupid. and i trust that in dangerous or odd situations, my consciousness will awaken, like it did in the situation, and i’ll be able to try to make my way out.

2. i understand that what i was seeing could’ve been a glamour. probably was a glamour. but the question is by who? were fey trying to appear more inviting? or was some other entity trying to completely fool me by portraying something vastly, vastly different from what they truly are? who knows. i guess i will never find out. but for now, we’ll say they were faeries because they appeared that way to me.

alright. so. these little faeries things were dancing and singing and speaking to me like an overly enthusiastic tour guide. when i noticed they were moving in a way that looked like they were trying to lure me somewhere, my consciousness woke the fuck up.

the creature were saying things like “come on! join us! it’ll be fun!” all that kinda bs.

and i kept yelling and trying to pull away from this... deceptive force that was trying to bring me in. i just kept yelling “no! i don’t want to!” over and over again, louder and louder, until i woke up with a jolt.

........ 🤷🏻‍♀️

so! after that!!! REALLY avoided fae.

fast forward to now. maybe last week or this week? i get an energy reading done by a blog on tumblr i’ve never interacted with before.

they mention that i’m connected to fae. not that my energy reminds them of fae, but that i’m connected somehow. weird.

still not sure how i’m connected to them, but once i read that, something seemed to lock into place? like some sort of subconscious meaning clicking that i couldn’t grasp yet. and ever since, my relationship with fae has appeared to become weirder.

ever since the diviner told me that, shit started in my house. specifically, my things. but only when i was looking for them.

okay, cat. that’s normal. you’re forgetful, clumsy, messy, and you misplace things often.

but... it was getting to a really strange point. as if, whatever happening was intentional.

the only example i can really remember clearly (because it happened AFTER i wondered if my shit going missing again was fae) is the other morning. maybe yesterday or the before?

i was sitting on my floor in front of my mirror in my room, doing my makeup. i needed to use my toner before i did anything. i had sat down after purposefully placing my toner next to my makeup bag after taking it out of another bag.

so, i layed all my cosmetics out before me and then reached for my toner.

which wasn’t there.

????????????????????????

i sat in place for a moment with this face: 🤨

and proceeded to carefully observe my surroundings. the bottle (about the size of a shampoo container) was no where on the floor with me. nor was it in my bedsheets. or on top of my only shelf.

i went out of my room and looked in each bathroom in my house bc i know how absolutely terrible my memory is and how easy it is for me to misplace things.

it’s nowhere to be found.

i go back to my room, now kinda frustrated, and i look everywhere in my room. i lift more things up, move all my makeup, shake my sheets, i do it all. still nada.

so. i sigh. then, knowing what i had to do, i spoke aloud and said, “please, toner, reveal yourself to me.” a simple spell that is kinda reliable in my experience.

when i said those words, i silently aimed it towards any spirits that may have been around. that were most likely around.

what do you know. THREE SECONDS after the words, i don’t even look around my room. i just plop myself back in front of the mirror, ready to give up on the toner, and the damn bottle was sitting on top of my makeup.

😐

so, ever since that. this fae relationship connection thing has.... caught my attention.

the odd thing is though. this week, as my stuff is being moved around (there were multiple other instances like the toner), my possessions seemed to turn up almost immediately after i asked for them back.

which is making me think... if this is fae shenanigans, they don’t seem to be doing this out of anger. but rather as... some sort of sign to communicate with me? or confirm something that i can’t even process right now.

anyways. i’m going to continue to try to understand what is happening and why with as little direct communication to fae as possible.

does anyone have thoughts in this????

ill be sure to keep an uodated log on this fae connection journey.

OH! the whole reason i wrote this in the first place!!! lately- before the weird fae stuff started happening within the past couple weeks- i’ve noticed that i cannot let a diviner do a service for me without giving them something in return. at first, i thought i was doing it to be nice. and i am. but. i can’t help but wonder if it’s fae influenced...

update: i also remember that last night i went to bed with my retainer in and in the morning it wasn’t in my mouth and i haven’t been able to find it! that’s too weird if that’s fae influenced!

i also remember that i was trying to count something, but for some reason it was extremely hard to count up to ten and my mind and tongue felt twisted. i have no idea if they do stuff like that, but i couldn’t help but think about the fae.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #189

“why are the children all marching into the desert to die?”

What does your trick-or-treat bag or pail look like? Pretty sure mine was usually just a plastic orange pumpkin. How old will you turn on your next birthday? 23, wow-ie. What are your plans to celebrate? Dinner with the fam, and I don't think I could possibly pass a birthday without getting a tattoo. :') Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Don't watch it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Yes. Were you a straight A student in math? No, I got Bs sometimes. Were you abused or do you know anyone who was abused? I know people who were. What is the name of your favorite coffee shop in your town? N/A What is fall weather usually like where you live? Usually warmish and breezy, but sometimes super cold. Do you think you have an accent? Very slightly. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? Plastic. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? No. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES YES YES YES I WILL CRY PLEASE DON'T Who has the best-decorated house in your town? *shrugs* What is your favorite part of Halloween? Dressing up. Is there a cemetery in your backyard? No. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? No. ;_; What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? If I actually wanted them, take them on a hay ride (spooky one if they're older and want to), decorate pumpkins together, obviously go trick-or-treating, let 'em play in leaf piles. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes. What color are the squirrels where you live? Brown. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Um no. What do the trees look like where you live? There's basically a shitload of pine trees, some dogwoods in spring (which fucking stink, btw), and then there's other trees idk the name of. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? YESSSSSSSSSSSS Do you find museums boring or interesting? Interesting! What was your school’s rival team’s mascot? Uhhhhh idr. What are three issues you are passionate about? Gay rights, gun control, and immigration. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? I mean if I had to? What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Klonopin, back when I had to take two a day. I was just barely able to function at all on three. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, but sure. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Pussycat Dolls lmaoooooooo Do you like Disney movies? Only heathens don't. In what type of area was your first sexual encounter? A house. What do you occupy your time with on flights? Listen to my iPod. Do you ever realize how ridiculous you’re being yet continue on anyway? Sometimes in anxiety-type situations. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No. Have you ever been punched? No. What do you usually order from Olive Garden?
 Spicy shrimp fritas oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaah How do you like your steak cooked?
 Medium well. How do you feel about bats? I'm love them. Is anyone in your family artistic? Me. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? No. Are you emo/gothic/punk? I AM the Thicc Goth GF in my head. I'm just too poor and lazy for the wardrobe. :^) Would you date someone 20 years older than you? Nooooooooooo that's way too big a difference for me. What is your father’s middle name? John. What was the last food you got a random craving for? Sour gummy worms lmao. What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at? Singing, sometimes. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, peaches, corn, cucumbers, green beans, bananas... What is your favorite Studio Ghibli film? Don't think I've watched any. If your best friend was a fictional character, who would he/she be? Why? This requires too much thinking. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? Ninja Sex Party's cover of "Africa" is on now. No. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? Chocolate. When was the last time you complimented a stranger? Idk. Do you know how to text without looking? Not well. What about typing without looking? Yup. Have you ever thrown rocks at a girl/guy’s window? No. When was the last time you bought a bathing suit? Like, a year back? Do you like eggnog? NOOOOOOOOOOO. How often do you see your mother? Every day. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Long time ago. When you were little, did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney. When is the last time that you experienced rejection–literal or imagined? By no means /serious/ rejection, but I suppose it fits the definition. Asked the tat/piercing parlor I go to about working there at the desk (the place isn't busy and I'm v comfortable there, so I think I easily could), but they let me know they currently didn't need anyone. When you are feeling down are you more likely to cheer yourself up by shopping, eating, or drinking? I've gotten loads better about it, but eating. Do you think there will be a time when our current age of rapid innovation comes to a standstill? What do you think is the limit of human technological advancement? No, honestly. It may stall, but I don't see it stopping any time soon. In hindsight, what was the most misguided/unhelpful assignment you had to do in school or college? Uhhhh idk. On any blogs or social media you may have, do you try to maintain a certain aesthetic or persona? Is this consistent across platforms or just specific to one? Not really. My less-appropriate sense of humor comes out more on Tumblr, and in some areas I type in all lowercase because I find it more aesthetically pleasing. Is there an artist or celebrity whom you admire for their craft but take issue with their personality or politics? Marilyn Manson, very easily. He's talented and unapologetically unique as all hell, but I do noooot like him as a person from what I know. What is the last party or event you were invited to but declined? Why? Are there certain events that you might be invited to which you are likely to decline? An old friend's Thanksgiving-ish friends party. I was tempted, but it was explicitly stated to BYOB and weed and I just didn't want to be in an environment where there was lots of drinking and smoking something that's still illegal in the state. I was already uncomfortable enough last time I went to a party at her house and there was so much smoking. You were also supposed to bring a piece of Thanksgiving food to contribute, but I can't cook and I didn't wanna bother Mom about it. For the last question, it's just about a "never" situation where I'm invited to a real event besides family birthday parties or meet-ups with Dad and his wife. Off the top of my head, I'd never go to a club if I was invited. Imagine your life three years from now as if things have gone perfectly, better than you would typically predict. What do you see? Living with a happy Sara in the mountains, very successful in photography and thus financially stable (or hopefully a bit beyond that), excelling in school, back to my healthy weight, my mental health is great and I'm on way fewer meds, Sara's able to breed snakes and write as a real career, COVER ME IN TATS BITCH, more piercings, a treatment/medication for hypotonia has been discovered, my niece and nephew have met Sara and been taught our relationship is not wrong (I doubt it though :x), I'm happy, it'd be nice to write with more people, I have at least one poem published, Teddy, Venus, Kaiju, Roman, Mitsu (now totally comfortable being held), and Sara's babies are still alive and kickin', Venus and Crowley have had a clutch, Sara's PMDD is under control, Dad's stopped smoking, Mom is in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, both Mom and Sara are at the weights they aim for, Nicole is with a guy she truly loves and he reciprocates properly, Mom has been treated for depression and has forgiven Dad... Man, lots of things. This question really made me look forward to creating this future. What about your personality makes you good at your job? Alternatively, why do you find yourself uniquely suited for or drawn to your ideal career path? No job, so I'll just respond to the second. Photography is pretty surprising as it requires serious communication, which y'all know isn't my forte in the least. However, I'm so passionate about it and feel knowledgeable enough on it to be confident. Plus I just love showing how beautiful the world is capable of being. Do you find it valuable or important to respect those in positions of authority simply because of their position? Does this vary based on what that position is? Nope. I'm not gonna respect an absolute asshole just because you're of a high position. It doesn't vary to me, either. Do you find that you often desire and/or enjoy sex? If not, why not and how do you negotiate those feelings with your partner? If so, what is it that you enjoy about it in particular? I'd say I desire it to a normal degree, and yeah, I enjoy it. Why, #1, it's such a passionate and intimate way to communicate how much you love and trust your partner. Then I mean it feels good so. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Idk. Seriously... three? When was the last time you were a passenger in a car and sat in the back? In the back, idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yes. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? Yes, flute. What is the best thing you’ve ever bought at a thrift shop? This cool crashed ship lamp! It's beside my bed. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? No. What is your favorite thing about summer? Swimming. That's it. When was the last time you went to your local library? Whew, years. Can you do a proper cartwheel? No. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? No. Are you a fast-thinker or a slow-thinker? Slow. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or The Trevor Project. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Magic: The Gathering and not since my PS3 broke (I had the Duel of the Planeswalkers store game on there and I WANT IT BACK). Who was the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Did you ever go to summer camp when you were younger? No. What is your favorite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men!! Are there any television shows you own in entirety on DVD or VHS? Meerkat Manor. How far away from your house is the nearest gas station? Like, two minutes. Do you know anyone who is fluent in a second-tongue? Yeah. What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen and who did you watch it with? The Rite, but only because the whole "raped and impregnated by a demon" shtick is a fuck to the no from me. Watched it with my younger sis years ago. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? A looooooooong time ago, I don't like baths. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Poop. Good job, Bentley. What did you buy the last time you went shopping for new clothes? A bra, I think? How did you discover your favorite band? Mom's CDs. When I was getting into my rock and metal love, I went through them and listened to albums with cool covers or bands I knew she loved, and the first happened to be Ozzy. :') Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Yes. I have a greater tendency to feel down when it's real cloudy and sometimes rainy. If it's really hot, I'm in a worse/cranky mood. When are you most likely to be bored? Late afternoon/evening. What was the last big decision you made? Hmmm. Going back to school, maybe? Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? Illinois. Hang out with my bby. :') What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? Clothes at Hot Topic ahhhhh. What was the last thing you received in the mail? Something for VR. What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? Become a well-known photographer. When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? Years ago for dance. Who was the last person to upset you? How about the last person to cheer you up? Mom; Sara. Is there anything or anyone you’re trying to get over or let go of? No. What was the subject of your last phone conversation? Uhhh something short with Ma that I don't remember. How close do you have to be with someone before you’ll consider them a friend? I have to feel decently comfortable around them. How do you feel when a mostly unheard of band (or tv show, movie, etc.) that you love suddenly starts to gain popularity? I'm happy for them! I just hope they don't change. When was the last time you listened to new music? Uhhh recently. Do you think it is strange when a couple says “we are pregnant” rather than “I am pregnant” or “my girlfriend is pregnant”? No, I actually prefer it. You're in that shit together. Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era? What decade would you most like to have grown up in? No. I'm good with the '90s. What was your most memorable concert experience? Only been to one. :| But Alice was great. If you have any, are you close with your sibling(s)? Has it always been that way? Not very, and no, at least with my younger sister. We were pretty close. Do you require “closure” after things like break-ups or do you move on easily? I. Need. Closure. How long does it take for someone to earn your trust? Good luck. Do you like peanut butter? Yesssss. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? Do/did you prefer wearing it than regular clothes? In middle school. Hell no. What’s the last thing you got really excited over? Going to Sara's. Is there a genre of movie that you just can’t watch? Action-y. What was the last song to give you nostalgia? "Holiday" by Green Day. Do you have a certain color grape you like the most? Purple. What’s your signature thing you do when drinking that will make your friends say, “Alright, they’re drunk”? N/A Have you ever been on a hot air balloon? No. What’s your definition of weird? I try to keep the mindset that "weird" doesn't exist as I'm not one to talk about things being so, yet I'm hypocritical about it and do find some things, ex. fetishes, extremely weird. Do you use shaving cream? For my legs. When was the last time you cleaned your room? Is your room clean? I dusted my whole room a while back. I need to vacuum baaadly, but ours is broken. ;-; Have you ever personally known any girl who shaved their head? Yes. Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide? Sadly. Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Yes. Have you ever coughed up blood? No. How do you wish you could die? Surrounded by family and painless. Do you have any apps on your Facebook? If so, what? No. What kind of mouse pad do you have? Don't have one. What color is your mouse? Pink. Do you know any who might be anorexic? Do you know anyone who has bulimia? Maybe? Did you ever want a pony when you were little? Idr. What’s your favorite dessert food? Ice cream. What is the closest thing to you right now that is alive? My dog. Do you exercise? I'm starting to again. Do you dislike writing school essays? Not if it's a subject I like. Are you a very open-minded person? Yes. Are you modest? I believe I am. Do you skate? No. Are you in a band? No. If you were to make it big with your own band, what would its name be? *shrugs* It depends on the members. Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? I go over there. Have you ever had rabies? No. Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? Idk. Have you ever gone hunting? No, never would. Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. Have you ever received a note in your locker? I think once from Aaron?