#I barely even lift
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HOT CHOCOLATE HOT CHOCOLATE
🥵 🍫
#this one I used cashew milk#but now I’m using lactaid milk#milk milk milk#also I add protein powder#I barely even lift#but gotta hit those macros#hot chocolate#cashew milk#Dutch processed cocoa
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More silly Luke Skysilverfoxwalker doodles
in my mind, almost nothing of the sequels is canon, but Luke is still grumpy and somewhat depressed, his dad tries to help tho
#star wars#luke skywalker#star wars sequel trilogy#anakin skywalker#my art#is a whole different thing in my mind like i gave rey and keylo a whole different personality and arc and#theyre like barely side characters in the background and the main guys are finn poe and rose#i love finn and rose so much#i might ship rose and rey though#ben 'what the hell is a kylo' solo skywalker#ben 'i actually suck so bad at the force i can barely lift a pencil and i couldnt ever be a jedi or even a sith if i tried' solo#rey isnt a palpatine... palpatine definitely is dead because what the fuck#force ghosts#sequels era
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(check the tags for more and also the tag for other fics in the story!)
athena, scowling as she gets bullied into marrying the people she pined over for the last 1000 years, suddenly realising something: wait a minute
odysseus: what?
athena, frozen: wait a damn minute you know what this gives me rights to do
penelope, also realising: oh fuck yes
odysseus: I don't like the sound of whatever's happening here what are you two fucking talking about?
athena, grabbing the marriage wine and tossing it back, then kissing her new wife and husband and handing penelope a spear as she picks up a mace: we'll be back shortly, you can start celebrations without us.
penelope: do u have anything that can start a fire
athena, pulling out an old contract and scanning it before throwing it over her shoulder: yes. are you scared of heights or can we fly.
penelope: fucking bring it I've waited years for this moment
zeus: where are they going
hermes, picking up the contract: they're going to... Ogygia? Oh fucking shit they're going to fucking kill Calypso- hey, hello, WAIT-
#odysseus disappears midway because athena plants one on him so hard his soul evaporates#(strategic to make him stop from coming after them and also from passion she forgot to hold back for once)#(and also shes maybe possibly in love and cant wait to get vengeance on Calypsos bitch ass who hurt him so much for so long)#penelope has had to deal with calypos afteraffects for literally the rest of their lives. from flashbacks to odysseus inconsolably crying#at her feet for forgiveness some days even though shes always said frim the first moment that it wasnt his fault#the rest of the gods have to chase them down to prevent them from eternally torturing calypso (goddesses cant die <3)#athenas blazing mad and sick with guilt and horror. she couldn't attack before because it would be seen as an attack from olympus#but as a wife! as two wifes! no political implications there no holds barred calypso gets her ass BEAT#but also pls imagine them chasing her and gods chasing them round and round the island while screaming#odysseus wavered like 17 times on whether to ask hermes for a lift there or not but goes in the end#their honeymoon in truth ends up being on ogygia#athena lovingly and seductively teaching penelope how to fillet a person both of them covered in ichor#odysseus with a hand over his mouth blushing grinning tears in eyes torn between turned on and terrified to be back and crying coz they lov#him that much.#((he goes to her just before they leave in the cave she used to drag him to. she can barely hold herself up and hes shaking to approach))#((but he's stronger now. settled and satisfied and content. he kneels by her and sets down bandages next to her.))#((i told you i was married he says. and because his truest weapon is his tongue- if youd just listened i wouldve found us both a way out))#she sobs and he leaves. the scars will never fade fully but he feels lighter as he steps out into the sun where athene and pen are waiting.#bloodsoaked and being shouted at by hera but smiling at him widely and gleefully as he approaches. takes a hand each and presses him btwn.#he squeezes back with a smile and leans into them. his beautiful horrifying wives#odypenath#odypenetha#odysseus#penelope#athena#odypen#odyath#penath#epic the musical#love in paradise
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Combined with the mortifying realisation that loopified Odile (now named Nokosu) took me multiple hours to draw the first time, I decided to try and make one speak in Japanese :) :) :)
The Japanese sentences will be under the cut plus a more literal translation and some research notes-
自分は遺残の神である。「遺す」と呼んでもいいし、「残」の字を使ってもいい。お前 の草白鳥は、すでにお前 の小烏から 「イサ 」という名前を取っている。二人の人間に同じ名前を使うのは混乱しないか?ヴォーガルド語の「サ」の発音は「ザ」に近いので、特に必要である。そうだろう?
or in Romaji
Jibun wa izan no kamidearu. 'Nokosu' to yonde mo īshi, 'zan' no ji o tsukatte mo ī. Omae no kusa hakuchō wa, sudeni omae no ko karasu kara `Isa' to iu namae o totte iru. Futari no ningen ni onaji namae o tsukau no wa konran shinai ka? Vu~ōgarudo-go no 'sa' no hatsuon wa 'za' ni chikainode, tokuni hitsuyōdearu. Sōdarou?
Literally translated Nokosu says;
I am the god of remains. You may call me “Nokosu", or you may use the [Chinese character] for “remain". Your grass swan has already taken the name “Isa” from your little crow. Isn't it confusing to use the same name for two people? It is especially necessary since the pronunciation of “sa” in Vaugarde is close to “za”. Wouldn't you agree?
And for the explanations of a monolingual English speaker with barely even surface level understanding of Japanese.
Throughout my entire journey, Jisho.org kanji dictionary has been my saving grace and backbone in my choice of Nokosu's name and what first and second person pronouns one uses. My initial goal was to find a name for survival or persistance which lead to me finding terms like; 存続 (sonzoku) meaning survival, 存 meaning exist and �� meaning continue; 耐久 (taikyuu) meaning endurance, 耐 meaning the affix -proof (of bulletproof or soundproof), 久 meaning long time; and finally 遺残 (izan) meaning persistence, 遺 meaning bequeath, 残 meaning remainder.
To kinda help expand my knowledge of the terms I was using, I also used a combination of google translate (primarily for the pronunication of words less the actual translations) and DeepL to kinda get the sweet deets and found that izan had meant - a more common definition - remains. It. Was. Perfect.
Perfect save for one thing... Isa- Sure, Isabeau is his full name and written down Isabeau and Izan are unique enough, but technically functionally the 'sa' in French (and thus in Vaugardian) is more voiced than the 'sa' in Japanese and sounds more like the 'za' in izan, and to have Odile refer to Nokosu as Izan when "only [Siffrin] call[s] him Isa" is an in-game quote; to say I was miffed was an understatement.
But then... I turned to words that use those individual kanji and hoped to mix and match to find what I wanted.
My first direction was to turn each kanji into hiragana to find their pronunciations and piece together a word from that; 遺 in isolation is noko, 残 in isolation is zan. Finding the term no ko zan-kiri (のこざん切り) on google gave me 'chopped into pieces' which well- look at my design that's a lot of pieces! のこ残 or nokozan (turning the first character into hiragana of course) lead me to 'remnants of a servant's body' as it's main translation on DeepL, but it also provided 'backbreaking exertions' as well as 'remnants of a defeated soldier'. Plus using DeepL again izan itself full kanji gave me 'vestiges' 'bequest' 'afterlife' and the ever present 'remains'.
None of these however were getting me closer to an ample replacement for izan however, not until I returned to jisho.org to pick out words from a list using either kanji.
Turns out, both 遺 and 残 can be pronounce 'noko' so long as it is followed by the hiragana す or su. And guess what either spelling of the word translates into? The 遺す version meaning to leave (behind), to bequeath, and the 残す version meaning that same thing but more, to leave (undone), to save/to reserve, to stay (in the ring).
SO! SO! That is how Nokosu came to be named! But- what about the Japanese phrase I wrote?
Well- let's stay on the Nokosu theme now that any Japanese readers in my audience have already processed the meta-joke that can only really exist in Japanese writing (or maybe not a joke but like... a fourth wall acknowledgement). Nokosu already introduces oneself as 遺す though doesn't mention how to spell it (since it's already spelt out to the reader), then introduces the second variant of the spelling exclusively referring to the second kanji of Izan 残 as zan. Maybe it's not really a joke but it'd kinda be like the 'you use he/they, it's in your profile' equivalent.
I suppose an attempt at a joke was Odile thinking 'a very wordy Expression', but that's mostly from observing that translations through DeepL stopped run on sentences occuring from English to Japanese so... I have no idea if constant uses of commas isn't particularly Japanese, at least the joke would be that Nokosu is particularly more chatty than Odile might normally be.
And once again, people who know Japanese may have noticed the use of jibun (自分) and omae (お前) for Nokosu's pronouns. Lowkey I was thinking initially of making Nokosu's first person pronoun oira a la sans undertale 'country bumpkin' but found more interesting things with jibun and omae that I settled on those versions. jibun, a neutral formality pronoun literally meaning 'oneself', when used as a personal pronoun (like Nokosu does) it's with a sense of separation of distance to the self; I also found out in my translation hunt that jibun can be used as a second person pronoun which is very fucking fitting given who Nokosu talks to, but that's specifically from in the Kansai dialect and - well - I can't say for certain where Odile hails from especially since Japan in ISAT is Ka Bue, but she'd be well educated enough to connect the dots that Nokosu lays down. On the other hand, Nokosu's second person pronoun is omae (Fist of the North Star fans will remember it from the very iconic 'omae wa mou shindearu'), which is incredibly informal and very rude when said to elders (though in age technically Nokosu is older) as it's meant to express the speaker's higher status in non-casual relationships.
To note, though omae can be used by both genders, it and jibun are mostly used by men and in the case of omae it's more commonly used to refer to their wife or lover. This has a little extra significance to background headcanon where Nokosu calls Odile Nanafushi (七節) or literally walking stick AKA a stickbug as ones version of 'Stardust', but sometimes Nokusu would split the word in half and refer to Odile as 'Nana' which in English sounds like one is referencing a grandma but (BUT) I'm specifically using the French term which translates to 'chick' 'babe' 'girlfriend'. So when I saw that omae can also be used for that purpose, it really goes to show that at some point Nokosu had the time to perfectly craft a version of oneself that does get on Odile's nerves and has the gall to get away with it at least initially under the assumption that one is an Expression.
I've been trying to make this flow from one point to another but I don't know how to jump to Japanese nicknames, at least not the metaphorical ones that I used here (and took inspiration from the Word of God Odile nickname for Siffrin 'Little Crow'). What little I do know about Japanese nicknames is that they may take alternate readings of single kanji as a nickname or repeat a character, though that is in reference to Japanese names in the first place. I did see something about the metaphorical sort of nicknames that have connotations in the language itself but- honestly this is my most monolingual English moment yet. I will explain however what I did decide.
草白鳥 or kusa hakuchou is the character for grass 草, and the kanji combination for swan 白鳥. In DeepL however 草白鳥 translates to grasshopper and though I signifcantly lack the cultural context to know what grasshopper symbology has in Japan, I do know in English you call someone a 'grasshopper' because they're tall. But why start with grass swan at all? Well- maybe it's a stretch for whatever fantasy time-period ISAT takes place in to use an internet term but, 草 has been used in internet slang to mean lol or haha since 'w' is also a version of lol or haha, and when spammed like so - wwwwwwwwwwwww - it looks like grass. The reason for swan would be because of I guess this idea of beauty? Less due to Odile specifically considering Isabeau beauty and more so taking note of his care to his appearance - whether it be how he presents his perception of his appearance or how he makes people belief a different thing about what his views about his appearance are, white swan or black swan - and that whatever the case is, he does take pride in maintaining that appearance; a retroactive meaning to the nickname, especially when Isa starts more casually bringing up the fact he *had* Changed, would be an incidental reference to the ugly duckling, who ended up not being a duckling at all and was a swan all along. Whether the nickname actually works or not I don't really know, but what it boils down to Odile's nickname for him (and thus Nokosu's only title for him beyond fighter) would really mean 'funny (tall) beauty' which would probably fluster Odile to admit it as Isa would hearing it.
An interesting thing I found while finding kanji for little crow (specifically 小烏) was that there is actually kind of already a word for it already, Kogarasu Maru or 小烏丸, AKA "Little Crow" which is a unique tachi sword rumoured to be crafted by a legendary swordsmith like-! I don't know if that was at all intentional on Insertdisc5's part (and if I should change the pronunciaton of the romaji version of the original text to kogarasu), but beyond Siffrin's little habit to collect every little thing that shines and doesn't, what do you mean there's a unique tachi sword named 'little crow' that's like literally so Siffrin-coded I SWEAR TO GOD!
Oh, and I played ISAT in Japanese to get the correct spelling of Vaugarde and 語 (go) is just the suffix for language AKA the difference between Nihon the country and Nihongo the language okay BYE!
#odile#odile isat#nokosu#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#fanart#if i spent 8 hours drawing nokosu the first time- i spent hours explaining to y'all how i named one and how i wrote the japanese#aka a lot of translations but ones specifically informed by what little understanding i have of japanese which is barely anything really#stretching my 'making a japanese character name' muscles but not too far since i'm not using the kanji to make an actual human name#rather i'm using a term directly lifted from the dictionary since this isn't meant to be used as a human name#nokosu after the loops would certainly consider using a more human name#even if one uses the kanji present in izan which thankfully won't be hard to find thanks to the wonderful jisho.org who also has a names ta#which also defines the type of name from given to family even to place#anyway i'm a one post wonder let me give you odile and nokosu first meeting#the more i draw details of the favour tree the more i cook i think look at that fucking root oh my god
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hi write about how ur f/o(s) first impression of u.. ik it’s basic but it’s still super fun. like did they think u were ridiculous?? or did they find you interesting? or maybe the circumstances u met under made them think of u differently and you might have had a different first impression,,
#pitaya would absolutely think im scrawny… im 5ft irl im not passing the awesome cool test in their eyes#plus i can barely lift. it’s not even funny#shadow milk cookie might think im interesting and that my reactions r funny#idk how he would react im still working on it#self shipping#self insert#self ship#self ship community#selfship#selfshipper#yumeship#yumejoshi#yumeshipping#yes this kind of was an excuse to talk ab my self ships without saying it directly ( ̄  ̄|||)#selfship imagines
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Thistle from dungeon meshi is soo relatable. Hes like "i just wanna vibe w my blorbos forever and ever and ever". and hes so based for that actually
#AND valid#dungeon meshi#been thinking about how i feel the gangs™️ confrontation w thistle is waaaaay too fast.#like there were barely a proper convo before he was munched by the golden lion...#i want more content about him.. like theres such a hype at first when dungeon meshi just nonstop talk about “the lunatic magician” blah bla#then when the demons power is lifted (+hinted hes still alive) we dont even see much of him. then d story ends#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi thistle#i diagnose him w bpd. hes such a bpd girly#miss kui. thistle redemption arc when?#respectfully.....
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strange new worlds is not doing enough strange or new for me
#strange new worlds#snw critical#the nostalgia bait show is failing to both provide nostalgia or give me a new reason to watch#the writing is so solid overall and it’s so pretty and the cast is giving so much effort and yet it just feels stuck#and impeded by canon#and the episodic format both helps and hinders this#I get that it’s supposed to TOS-esque in that way but there’s a reason why I routinely forget half that show#as opposed to TNG or DS9#also in this specific ep DSC did so much heavy lifting to give us a plausible new Spock and SNW Spock is…..#not right even just in comparison to his original appearance let alone TOS Spock#where’s his bitchiness and his love of science and his barely logically supported batshit ideas where did he go#it’s like for every five minutes Spock being himself#we get an episode of purposefully OOC Spock and it’s throwing me off#and that would be fine but other than him and Pike no one is getting substantial development#how was season 1 better with this im so very confused
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to be entirely honest i think they make WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much money off of this podcast to be treating it the way that they do
#oh yeah all we have to do to make tens of thousands of dollars every month on patreon#is write a mediocre-bad podcast episode every two weeks!#nd our content for said patreon will be so far and few in between#and the content will be so irrelevant#that we will barely have to lift a finger for it at all!#the most fan interaction we’ll engage with is a zoom meeting every now and then#but we’ll hold it at such a time that most of our mainly american fanbase with a normal 9-5 job#can’t even attend! genius!!!#god i hate them#wtnv#welcome to night vale
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I got vaccinated yesterday, and my arm is so sore 😭
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have to go pick up a washing machine tomorrow a coworker snagged for $75 [!] and lug it all the way upstairs [....] to hook up before somehow draining the old one [...] because it broke mid-cycle washing sheets not once but twice thrown up on by cat [...] and we can't even get it to drain [....] 🙏 and hopefully finish putting together a 2 weeks late little birthday gift box for my sibling because i literally forgot until the night before and wanted to die. and get my axle looked at cause it might be bent. day off ❤️
#j.txt#like i am unfathomably fortunate to have found a replacement like 3 days after it broke before i had to think abt like#driving to the next town over to use their laundromat but#even when people help me i cannot describe to them how little energy reserves i have that my day off is supposed to help replenish#and the coworker's dad is who im buying it from and also a mechanic so he's like he can finally look at your axle while we're at it!#and i can help you drain the old one and take it to the dump!#and im like ur literally an it's a wonderful life angel to me rn. but i have the energy to do like 1 of those things. barely#and i am already forcing myself to add at least 1 of the add ons too like i can't do all of that on my day off#i mean i could but i would like to not feel like killing myself 🙏 i am very over dramatic but that's#what it feels like to be helped to solve a problem but like i still have to solve it#which i want to and am thankful i get to but it still requires Effort i barely have 🤘😔#and also all of this specifically after my first week in my life having pretty significant enough to be alarming back pain#seemingly spontaneous. and reconsidering opting in for medical insurance bc of it while open enrollment is still. open#even though it will take a significant chunk out of my paychecks which is why i've opted out for 4 years before now 🙏#but i can barely sit in a chair when it's bad let alone lift shit at work and not knowing what caused it is alarming 👍#wow i'm really chatty today god. why is life so Much Happening All the Time.......
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My poor boy.
I am sorry, I am so sorry.
It is I am sorry. I presented you an impossible dilemma. You did only what you thought honorable, I am sure. I kiss you for it.
#rome hbo#finally rly using my blog like a lil scrapbook or smth#im pasting pictures in my journal+scribbling around them#i discovered i cld make gifs on my phone+even tho theyre terrible i can finally keep track of scenes+things tht i have trouble finding#anyways hes so ashamed he can barely lift his head+meet caesars eyes..#my gifs#i found a caesar/brutus fitzfranklin reincarnation fic+i just kno its going to blast my brain to pieces when i read it
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Haha my bad, I have $30 for the rest of the month. 8)
#for real you don't know how bad it is living on social security#and at this time I don't even have the skills to apply for part time work#which I will be immediately rejected for because algorithms hate disabled people#not that I can do the heavy lifting or man the cash register that is the bare bones requirement of entry level work#boy this BA in special education and most of an MA sure were worth the time huh?#anyway let me know how you're surviving on $950 a month if you're about to say I'm just bad at money#you have to have money to be bad at it first 8)#razz rambles#trying to pay down $2.5k credit debt when you have to keep using your credit card to live really sucks
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Today I learned you can get a burn blister from using a hot water bottle
#I have awful lower back pain because I lift heavy shit all the time#and today I twinged something so strapped a hot water bottle to my back cuz I have crap to get done#come to shower time and OH HEY THAT'S A BIG FUCKING TRIO OF BLISTERS HUH#I did not know a hot water bottle could do that :|#it wasn't even on my bare skin I was wearing a thick dress today!!!#...#so anyway
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SEL WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PARAMEDIC IWAIZUMI BECAUSEEEEE..........
he could make my heart stop right there
#FOR REAL#DONT EVEN START W ME#DONT EVENNNNN#he must do cpr on me NOW#NOOOOOOW.#(sorry if this is inappropriate)#ANYWAY BEING FO REALSIES#i think paramedic iwaizumi is hot and he’d be soooooooo nice and it’d be so inappropriate to be crushing on ur paramedic while ure#half delirious in pain but hes lifting u up and checking ur vitals and mAYBEEEE u want to stay passed out instead#but hes talking to you and youre barely cognizant of anyth around u but its a low hum#a steady lull thats comforting and grounding and hes asking u to look at him to blink once . twice . to nod#youre doing everything but can barely comprehend it bc all u see is green green green#and youre let off after a doctor checks on you but iwaizumi’s still checking on someone else and you dont knowww#is this the last time youll see him again?#should you approach him? is that even appropriate?#gOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD#seiwa.🤍#crying hes sOOOO#kit.🪩#ask#rep#kagelun
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Frjfhehsk I'm looking at the donor profiles for pre selections and I'm like. How do you even pick a sperm donor anyway like?? My criteria are wide open (1. Okay to meet the offspring maybe 2. ???) and yet I'm having a hard time figuring out which ones I like beyond the initial "okay that baby picture is cute"
I've narrowed things down a little bit by picking some family colorings (brown or green eyes, brown/black hair) but beyond that all of it is a lot more nebulous tbh. Plus I think those couple comments about how if you have a kid with a donor from a different culture the kid will grow up feeling cut off from their heritage got to me* because now I feel almost like I don't have a right to basically any donor who didn't list a French ethnicity (there are 2 and neither of their baby pictures speak to me tbh)
I'm trying to sort through via a scale of "Yeah sure I could learn more about this culture" to "The laws over there want me dead so let's not open the possibility of having Baby ask to visit on the basis of the donor" but it feels very like. Mechanical.
*arguably not 100% a bad thing. I think there's probably a bit of selection bias in the fact that this is the main narrative we hear from people conceived with sperm donors in that idk that the people who grew up knowing where they came from and are fine with not knowing will necessarily join forums and association and stuff, BUT it's also worth knowing that this can happen! Where it gets dicey for me is that frankly I'm signing up for a baby, not for a lifelong commitment to a country I might not have any interest in beyond 'sure why not visit someday' and also I don't believe genetics automatically equate to 'I'm feeling/missing a connection'. Like, I don't have any connection to my Belgian side and not a lot of connection to my Guadeloupean side, but the Belgian side leaves me pretty indifferent tbh. I don't have enough of a relationship with my dad's side of the family for that.
#Matt has a life#Shit from home#I think part of the problem is that this whole process is presented and streamlined as something very rational#where you're expected to weigh your options like you would for a couch#expect that's barely even how I pick my flats#For the one I'm moving into I had 4 criteria (space light lift and less than 15mn away from work & the friend I want to Nanny share with)#and the rest was Vibes#And honestly I think this is going to be the main deciding factor there too#Vibes
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finally did my goddamn dishes. and that wasn't all i managed to do today. fuck yeah.
had a meeting for thesis prep. bmv trip. rough plan for friday's discussion lecture. cooked dinner for the first time in like 3 weeks. read ~50 pages of academic text for 2 classes and a paper revision.
feels like i didn't do enough but. considering that yesterday i managed... going to classes and nothing else! and monday i was only capable of doing the required meetings i had, this is a pretty good day!
#it's been. a tough few weeks. i couldn't focus at all last week. only got work done on the weekend. yesterday was........ tough.#monday wasn't as rough but was equally exhausting#so! proud of myself that i got. stuff done. big stuff even!#started keeping a task/reward journal to help out too :)#so every night i'll write out some tasks that need to get done the next day#and as i finish them i check them off and give myself silly little stickers to track what i managed!#so i get like. 1 sticker per 10 pages read (bc i usually need a break every 10 or so pages rn) 1 sticker in a diff color for chores.#1 for teaching stuff (laying out a lecture plan/finishing the lecture/doing a dry run/doing the lecture) 1 for meetings etc etc#it's helping bc i have a dumbass brain that doesn't give me dopamine for completing tasks anymore#it all gets lumped into 'yeah i did the bare minimum bc that's what i need to do. that's not special-#-no reward for you! you didn't really *do* anything. just scraped bare minimum!'#turns out that's bad for you lmao to get No Rewards#so i have a journal now! so i have hard proof that shows that i've Done Shit.#and i think the last two weeks i've been 1. underfed 2. overtired and 3. on the verge of burnout#so i haven't been able to do much. but a major stressor is gone now! (the bmv trip...)#and it like. immediately lifted a veil from my brain. 0-60 in like 40 minutes flat.#i hadn't realized how stressed about that i'd even been. it was taking up so much of my brain's metaphorical CPU.#so i'm hoping tomorrow i'll be able to do what i was doing two weeks ago. just plugging along at my usual pace#instead of just barely dragging my carcass forward#so! anyway. update that was unasked for but you sure are getting#i fuckin did stuff today! fuck yeah!#it is now an hour past my bedtime i'm gonna crash tf out. bedtime. sleepytime. good night
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