#And honestly I think this is going to be the main deciding factor there too

[terresdebrume]

Frjfhehsk I'm looking at the donor profiles for pre selections and I'm like. How do you even pick a sperm donor anyway like?? My criteria are wide open (1. Okay to meet the offspring maybe 2. ???) and yet I'm having a hard time figuring out which ones I like beyond the initial "okay that baby picture is cute"

I've narrowed things down a little bit by picking some family colorings (brown or green eyes, brown/black hair) but beyond that all of it is a lot more nebulous tbh. Plus I think those couple comments about how if you have a kid with a donor from a different culture the kid will grow up feeling cut off from their heritage got to me* because now I feel almost like I don't have a right to basically any donor who didn't list a French ethnicity (there are 2 and neither of their baby pictures speak to me tbh)

I'm trying to sort through via a scale of "Yeah sure I could learn more about this culture" to "The laws over there want me dead so let's not open the possibility of having Baby ask to visit on the basis of the donor" but it feels very like. Mechanical.

*arguably not 100% a bad thing. I think there's probably a bit of selection bias in the fact that this is the main narrative we hear from people conceived with sperm donors in that idk that the people who grew up knowing where they came from and are fine with not knowing will necessarily join forums and association and stuff, BUT it's also worth knowing that this can happen! Where it gets dicey for me is that frankly I'm signing up for a baby, not for a lifelong commitment to a country I might not have any interest in beyond 'sure why not visit someday' and also I don't believe genetics automatically equate to 'I'm feeling/missing a connection'. Like, I don't have any connection to my Belgian side and not a lot of connection to my Guadeloupean side, but the Belgian side leaves me pretty indifferent tbh. I don't have enough of a relationship with my dad's side of the family for that.

[fandomgrabbag]

Probably been said already but I'm having a break today and therefore I have no filter.

So we have basically agreed that one of the main motifs of Dunmeshi is that eating food (especially food made of monsters) equates to the ability to take up space, the necessity of making your needs known and heard in order to survive.

Thinking about what that says about the characters. Readmore because long.

Most of the world is pretty down on the idea: they don't want to admit someone would resort to that, let alone find joy or satiation in it.

Senshi is open and unbegrudging. He not only enjoys it but he spreads the knowledge and ability wherever he can, and invites others to find that joy too.

Chilchuck admits the necessity, takes some joy, but remains wary. There are circumstances where he is encouraged to enthusiastically enjoy, and circumstances where other factors outweigh his enjoyment for the food's flavour.

Izutsumi is picky, and refuses to eat food she doesn't like, which has parallels, but honestly I think her character speaks more to the themes of freedom and restriction in the story than to the themes about exerting your will and identity on your surroundings. But still, there is something in her desire to eat only what she wants, when she wants, independent of others' needs for food. And her tension over wanting to have an uncomplicated relationship between I caught it = I eat it, ignoring intangible contributions from others, or contributions not directly related to hunting.

Kabru has a deep revulsion for it. His own background and circumstances mean that even if the food is good, he's, at least to start, incapable of enjoying it because of what it represents to him.

Mithrun (slight spoilers this paragraph) never chooses to eat, he is only fed when others decide he needs food. He is not capable of either enjoying or disliking food, not in any meaningful sense.

Laios GLEEFULLY enjoys food, and expects everyone else to as a matter of course. In Laios's mind, everyone who doesn't enjoy monster food must have something else going on that he can't understand. He wants people to enjoy food as much as he does, and wants, like Senshi, to invite that enjoyment. He openly, uncomplicatedly, unreservedly, loves to eat.

Falin I have ... Thoughts about but they involve a lot more reading between the lines so I would need to make a whole separate post. Suffice to say for now that she enjoys it, but nobody knows that about her or expects it of her. That's the very base, no-nuance reading.

Marcille. Oh Marcille. Marcille says she hates monster food at every opportunity. She rejects it in a way that almost makes her the "voice" of repulsed society, especially at the beginning. She is rigid about what food she does and does not enjoy. But almost every time she is given monster food and ends up eating it? She LOVES it. She is ECSTATIC to be eating it. She INDULGES.

Anyway, there are other themes and motifs that interplay with these but just saying. Just saying the characters have some Important Themes going on here.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hopefully this doesn't come off as snarky, but I find it genuinely hilarious that every "big-name" Leona fan that I've seen seems to like him against their will lol. I've always had Leona as my favorite, so it's fun to see the journey other people go through to liking/appreciating him!

Look 💦 I can’t speak for other L*ona likers (regardless of size, honestly; I'm a firm believer that one's level of internet fame isn't a factor in the devotion for a character) but for me—to quote Scar—“my words are a matter of pride.” And by confessing to (ick 🤢) LIKING LION… it’s throwing all that pride out of a window. It seriously does feel like these feelings exist against my will.

I have a summary of my story to explain my relationship with the lion lore 💀 I call it a summary, but it’s still kind of long— It's below the cut for those who are interested!

To begin with, the promotional materials didn’t sell me on him. Everything about how he initially presents—from his arrogance to his “tough/bad boy” design (seriously, that biker-cowboy combo of his dorm uniform is SO ugly and shows way too much skin for my liking…)—was so unappealing to me. He seemed exactly like the kind of character and tropes I tend to dislike. The only “good” thing I saw in him was his face (which, ironically, is what Vil says about him) and maybe his UM chant particularly the line where he demands you kneel before him. Then comes along book 2, which is easily the weakest of the main story and does a HUGE disservice to him, making L*ona seem a lot stupider than he actually is. At that point, I had basically written his entire character off. I claimed to all my Twst friends that there was nothing that would ever make me like him.

Around 2022, I decided to get involved in a round of EBG (Epic Bias Game) which is basically like a test of your will?? You’re supposed to compete with your friends to see who can go for the longest without talking about or acknowledging their oshi (which includes not being able to react to fan works of them). As part of EBG, each participant was randomly assigned a “new oshi” to replace the usual one AND GUESS WHAT, I GOT HANDED L*ONA BY THE WHEEL OF FATE 💀

One of my friends (who knew I hardcore hated him at the time) assured me that this would get me to change my mind. They even went out of their way to write a little story explaining how my OC was forced to spend more time with L*ona, which led me into writing interactions between them to build more of the lore. I managed to outlast the friend in EBG, but didn’t win the entire game. I came out of it not really feeling super different about L*ona, but I think forcing myself to write about him extensively helped me gain a little more perspective on his character. I still didn’t like him, but I at least appreciated his presence in the cast a little more.

AND THEN TWST HAD TO COME AND BASH ME OVER THE HEAD WITH L*ONA CONTENT… All the little vignettes and voice lines where other characters would talk about what a good leader he is (*glares at Epel, Jack, Ruggie, Savanaclaw mobs, etc.*), when he sarcastically claims to be a “delicate prince” or a “lost child”, those moments where he sasses others, times when he’s able to use his charisma and/or intelligence to pull ahead, rare instances when he whips out his royal manners, him respecting women… But I think the turning point for me had to have been book 6 OTL GOOD LORD, BOOK 6 FUCKED ME UP 😭 Him using his UM in a creative way to turn falling glass shards into harmless sand? And strategically turning himself in?? Willingly ceding control of the dorm to Ruggie??? Telling everyone about Styx’s lore???? AND THE BEEF HE HAD WITH JAMIL BUT STILL GIVING HIM WISDOM AND ADVICE… Sometimes I still tear up thinking about how L*ona says “You’re not like me,” to Jamil 😔 implying that part of the reason why L*ona guides others is because he has hope in their futures but not his own… (I’m still salty that EN messed up this line by changing it to “I’m not like you,” which makes him come off as way more arrogant 💦) Anyway, I blame book 6 for being the tipping point in my downward spiral 🌀 IT GOT WORSE IN BOOK 7 WHEN HE STARTED SHOWING HE'S MOTIVATED TO ACTUALLY GRADUATE AND TAKES ON AN INTERNSHIP THAT COULD BENEFIT HIS COUNTRY... Special shoutout to the Club Wear card for being especially hot-- I did my best to hold out against the steady drip of content that called attention to his… positive traits… (Not that I’m saying he doesn’t have any; I mean this in that whenever his strengths as a character are brought up, they really get to me as someone who loves intelligent, mature/responsible types and “big brother” figures OTL) BUT IT'S SO HARD WHEN TWST KEEPS PULLING STUFF LIKE THAT???

Then in 2024 came the stupid Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas event 💀 which finally introduced us to L*ona in full formal attire (MY WEAKNESS) and gave him the opportunity to be in the role of the "hero" and leader... and those Nightmare Suit vignettes 😭 Leona thinking about what it actually means to be "king"... Ugh, it was another strong showing of his character. I'm pretty sure it was this event that started the snowball of my friends (lovingly) bullying me about him and calling me a tsundere about it. Weirdly enough, a BUNCH of things started happening irl to push L*ona at me too. For example, my pet (who usually actively avoids or attacks Twst stuff) was actually eager to pose for a picture with a L*ona standee. In a group fan merch order, I had asked for the bonus Grim sticker but the artist (who had no idea about my complicated thoughts on L*ona) said they were out of the Grim sticker but they had L*ona stickers they could include instead. Most recently, I had just finished this last-minute artwork of Miss Raven eating pocky by herself to celebrate Pocky Day (11/11). Typically the fan art you'd see on this day would involve two characters playing the "Pocky Game" (in which the players try to eat a stick of pocky from either end; usually it's framed as romantic since meeting in the middle results in a kiss). However, I had chosen to do a solo Miss Raven art because I thought this suited her "I want to be taken seriously!" personality better. Well, guess what? I GOT A PACKAGE DELIVERY NOTIFICATION FOR THE TWST MERCH ORDER... WITH L*ONA IN IT 💀 Almost like he heard there was food meant for sharing and he came to claim it for himself... Like I literally did NOT choose for these things to happen to me, THEY HAPPENED ON THEIR OWN. I DON'T BELIEVE IN PREORDAINED EVENTS BUT THE UNIVERSE SURE IS WORKING IN STRANGE WAYS.

So now that the tables have turned, it’s really embarrassing. Everything is coming back to bite me in the butt… It truly feels like L*ona plotted this all along and was on the prowl, patiently waiting for me to get worn down before he pounces and delivers the final blow to my ego OTL Like, it's gotten to the point where many of my long-time friends in the Twst community are now joking that "It's over" for J word... ONE OF THEM EVEN TOLD ME IT FEELS LIKE I'M GETTING DIVORCED AND L*ONA IS THEIR NEW STEPDAD, HOW AM I SUPPSOED TO FEEL ABOUT HTHAT ??????????? ? ? ????? ? ??? ? ?? ?? ? ???? ?

But by the far the worst, the WORST part about everything here is that if L*ona were fully sentient, he would be so smug about recent developments 😡 It makes me SO mad thinking about how he'd look down on me with that hot smug rage-inducing smirk of his and make fun of me for eating my words so badly.

“What was that you said about hating my guts, herbivore? … Hah, it's written all over your face--you're terrible at hiding your true feelings. You can just give in, you know. Tell me how much you worship me. How much you want me. You'll give in eventually one way or another--so why not make this easier for the both of us and save us the time of playing the wait game? I don't bite, promise." (<- a liar)

(Disclaimer: NOT MY MERCH; this is a L*ona Liker friend’s picture that they’re letting me use as a reaction image 😅)

THIS IS FR MY OVERBLOT ORIGIN STORY…

[heavenlymorals]

How would you describe Mary’s personality? I always feel like this fandom portrays her to be this very classy, serious, goody-two-shoes but I think she has to have some form of rebellious nature in her considering she’s a “high-society” girl that fell in with an outlaw and brought him home to her daddy. Yeah she may not be as free and spirited compared to the camp girls, but everyone always talks about Arthur’s type being a woman who’s sophisticated - but on a general scale comparing her to the women of her social status, she must fall more on the rebellious side of things no?

Mary is many things. She is melancholic, feisty, calm, rational, thoughtful. She's a person with many emotions and dreams and honestly? She's a delight in the little time we got to know her, even if the circumstances were rather sad. But mostly though? I think Mary is a woman who grew up.

She met Arthur when she was young, super young.

"Oh, we were so very young. Think of how different life could've been."

I mean, she doesn't even look at day over 18 in that pic she had with Arthur. In fact, Arthur looked to be a couple of years older than she was, but that's neither here nor there. The fact is that she was probably way over her head when she fell in love with Arthur and when she agreed to marry him. She realized that love wasn't going to be enough for her in that society and that's a very realistic approach to it, honestly.

If she married Arthur, she'll probably be ostracized from her family, from society, from the people she knew. She'd most likely also be shamed for dishonoring her family and shame back then was no joke, especially for women. People tend to forget this. She'll lose any connections she might've had and that's not even mentioning the lifestyle upheaval because what's the likelyhood that Arthur, still young and foolish, would be able to settle down and live a normal life instead of this nomadic, dangerous lifestyle?

Mary had to think about all these factors. People end relationships for less.

When it comes to fandom, people are too in love with the idea of love that a real reaction to such a situation backfires on the character and strips them of their personality.

Is Mary classy? Sure she is, but she can also be crass ("Don't be a pompous ass, Arthur, it doesn't suit you."). Is she serious? Yeah, she is in serious situations, like all people, but she is playful and joyful with Arthur ("It's sort of beautiful in a tasteless and gaudy sort of way." "That's the only way I know." "Thank you." "Oh I didn't mean it like that-" "I'm sure. You silly man."). Is she a goody two shoes? Most people are, but she also defies her father in the end despite knowing that her entire life would flip upside down if Arthur does decide to run away with her.

She's definitely a high society girl- her family is rich or at least well off, she has servants, she dresses nice. She isn't as "free spirited" as the other girls but why would she be? She didn't have to go through poverty, or her parents getting killed, or having to live an unconventional lifestyle with a bunch of hucksters. She was a law abiding citizen who lived a normal life where culture, etiquette, and roles mattered.

So is Mary rebellious or sophisticated or any of that? Not really. She's just a normal woman. I don't like putting her into a box of being sophisticated or whatever because that's just a disservice to the very realistic writing of her character.

She's just a woman who our main character fell in love of with for one reason or another who is still her own person. She's not a "type" or any of that because she is many things and a realistic woman is one of them.

Thanks for the ask anon 🥺❤️🫶🏼

[remotepixel]

Hi! Can you write the Avengers with a demon reader? Maybe just a weak and very young demon who is looking for people to sign contracts for their souls

Hii! Thank you for requesting!

While writing this I was honestly just thinking of hazbin hotel, so if I mention 'Hell' I'm talking about that kinda version, not the religiously-accurate one for eternal punitive suffering lol <3

TW: yandere themes

-The Avengers assumed you were a threat the second they heard about a supposed demon running around nyc, asking people for their souls. They’ve dealt with numerous different supernatural beings - aliens, gods, simply superpowered individuals - but this was another level of insanity. I can imagine Steve, the Catholic man he is, just ‘😨’ the second he found out.

-But all that suspense died the second they saw you…a child?

-Obviously, past all the confusion, you’re taken into the Avenger's tower/compound for light questioning. They've got to make sure you’re an actual demon first, just in case they’re kidnapping someone’s kid who decided to dress up early for Halloween. However, when it’s revealed that you really are one, and supposedly have powers, you'd be made to live in the tower with the others - safety and all that (definitely not for the plot).

-Despite being a demon, your age and weakness will be the main factor for their obsession to start. You being young makes it easier for them to justify their overprotectiveness. You need to someone to look after you, teach you, and it only makes sense that they would take up that mantle. Sure, they might not have lessons in parenting (expect Clint) but there isn’t many other superpowered people in the world, and they knew how desperate some people could be to get power. Being young means you’re more likely to ignore any red flags or know the signs of manipulation, and they’re convinced you wouldn’t be able to fight back anyways.

-I don’t think they would actually try and help you with your powers though. Apart from basic self-defence classes, they want to keep you reliant on them for as long as possible. You could likely overpower most of them at full potential, and where would that lead them? Would you forget about them? Ignore their advice and throw yourself into battle like they do? It isn’t worth it.

-If you’re really insistent about it, they may let you mess about a bit. Though, that’s mainly if your powers are unstable/out of control and training is needed. And, again, it would only be enough to keep you safe and remain weaker than them.

-I get the vibe some of them won’t take your title of a demon seriously in general - Steve’s coming to mind first. Like I mentioned, the guy’s religious and, since you probably go against his years-old assumption of a demon, he wouldn’t fully think of you as one, even though it was proved. You’re more of a superpowered, human kid in his eyes.

-Tony would treat it more like an inside joke than a fact. Like, he’d make stupid nicknames about your Hellish bloodline, but he’d ignore any genuine conversations about it. It’s just hard for him to image that you are some ‘fallen, evil angel’….so he doesn’t.

-Natasha wouldn’t be too fussed about it. It’s not that she doesn’t believe you, but your exact species doesn’t matter too much to her - she’ll like you either way. She’ll listen to any fun facts you want to tell her about Hell (assuming you were born and raised there) or demons in general. Clint is in a similar boat. Although he might tease you about it sometimes, Natasha would probably tell him to shush if it went too far and you seemed upset.

-Bruce would be a bit hesitant. Due to how the Hulk affected him (physically and the guilt), I think he may be a bit worried that your ‘evil’ blood would lead to you actually becoming a stereotypical demon later on, even if you try to fight that side of you. But, he’ll likely calm down a bit when he starts getting to know you more, and would lean towards the middle like Natasha and Clint. He’d probably be interested in learning and logging your abilities, both as he’s curious and it’s useful to know if anything goes wrong.

-Thor would be the only genuinely happy one. He’s probably met countless difference species/races on different planets, so you not being human isn’t odd to him - it fact, it just brings you two closer together. If he’s able to, he would probably take you back to the underworld for a day. Of course, he’d forget to tell the others though and lead to an unneeded, frantic search party.

-I wouldn’t put it past at least one of them to sell their soul to you - whether for funzie or they don’t fully believe how bad it could be. Like, if they don’t take you as a demon seriously anyways, they’re not going to take your little contract seriously either.

-I was thinking mostly Tony, due to his habit of speaking before thinking, but Thor would likely do so as well. He’s not necessarily stupid, but Asgard probably has different beliefs, and thus he thinks of your contract as a cultural, non-Midgard thing rather than ‘i’m actually taking your soul’ thing.

-Either way, all of them are planning to stay by your side infinitely, contract or not : )

[pumpkinologists]

Haircut

Spencer Reid x F!Reader

Summary: You help Spencer pick out his new haircut

Warnings: None

Enjoy!

-

"Should I get a haircut?" It was the first thing said to you when Spencer walked in the door. "I'm really thinking I should go shorter. Also, strands are always falling in my face when I'm trying to work; it's honestly annoying." Before he could get another sentence out, you cut him off. "Spence, slow down." You watched as his hands fell, and a shy smile appeared on his face. "Sorry." 

Your face was screwed up in thought, taking in what he had said. "What kind of style?" you asked, trying to picture Spencer with anything other than the longer hair he currently had. "Hmm," his eyes moved pensively to the side, "Would you help me decide? I'm really not that fantastic at styles," he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck as blush spread across his cheeks.

With a smile on your face, you nodded, "I can help." At that point, he quickly set down his shoulder bag and started to dig through it for something. Finally, he pulled out a magazine and said, "I got this from the store. It's a catalog of different hairstyles that suit different face shapes, eye shapes, and body shapes, and yeah," he held it up by his eager-looking face.

Nodding, you gestured your hand to the couch, saying, "This might take a little while; let's go sit." He nodded and followed you to the couch, sitting down beside you. "Okay, so," he started right away, leaving no time to spare, "I was skimming through it and it said something about face shape being the main deciding factor." He paused and squinted at the page he had flipped too. "I'm really not sure which I am though." He pouted his lips in thought, jutting out his bottom lip and puffing his cheeks slightly.

"Let me help," you grinned as he looked at you like you were a genius. He handed you the magazine and pointed to where the demonstration of face shapes was. You thought for a second, looking at the models and labels, then looking back at Spencer's face, comparing them. None of them quite looked correct until you got to one that looked similar: "Diamond? Maybe?" You held the page up to his face and leaned forward, trying to get a closer look.

You shook your head, "That's not right." Tapping your chin in thought, you brought the magazine back down onto your lap and inspected it again. It still wasn't right. Just as your eyes skimmed over the page one more time, about ready to give up, you saw one that was perfect: "Square!" Your eyes went wide with joy. "Jeez, how could I have missed that? It's almost identical." You muttered with a small frown.

Spencer nodded as he looked at the model that was labeled 'square'. He nodded his head in approval, saying, "I was stuck in between square and diamond myself, and now that you mention it, it is pretty similar to my face."

Still grinning, you adjusted yourself, leaning in to look at the pages Spencer was flipping through. "So, these are the haircuts that are supposed to suit my face shape, then," he murmured. You moved over closer to him, touching your thigh to his. "Here." You patted the space where both of your thighs met. Without looking up, he gave you the other end of the magazine to hold while it rested between you both.

Slouching down to the page, you saw a hairstyle that caught your eye. "What about this one?" A hum of thought came from Spencer; he shook his head and said, "It’s too short; I still want some length." You nodded at his request and flipped the page once you were sure that he was done looking. Come to find out most hairstyles suit Spencer’s face shape, so it was rather difficult to choose.

A sigh left your lips after Spencer said no to yet another hairstyle you suggested. "You’re picky." You frowned. "I’m just not so sure what I want," he said, sounding a little annoyed. You shrugged, rolling your eyes. You had nowhere to be, and it wasn’t like you weren’t going to spend all night with him anyway. Rubbing your temples, you tried to sound as reassuring as possible: "I’ve got all night, Spence; take your time."

You both sat there for another solid ten minutes. Somewhere in that time period, you opted to lay back against the couch, your legs splayed across Spencer’s lap. He just kept flipping back and forth through the same pages. "Are you comparing?" you yawned. He bobbed his head lightly. "Let me see," you asked, reaching for the magazine. He took one last look before giving it to you. "Numbers twenty-one and seven," he said, answering the question you didn’t even ask.

Spencer’s eyes watched your reactions carefully. He tapped your shins rhythmically, squinting at your expression. You looked between the models and Spencer and then back again. Hmm," he was right; it was a hard decision. It was between a shaggy style that looks like a member of One Direction would sport and a smart-looking style that was longer at the top and back, with hair slicked back at the sides.

"Seven," you decided on the one direction looking one, liking the length. You handed the catalog back to Spencer, who was now nodding his head in agreement: "Sevens good." You smiled triumphantly and sat up. "That took longer than I thought," you stretched, yawning once again. He agreed, setting the magazine on the coffee table with a light smack.

You slouched over, sitting at the edge of the couch. "I don’t know about you, but that drained me." It was your way of saying, Let’s go to bed, and Spencer agreed. He stood up from the couch and stretched his arms above his head with a small groan. "I’ll go tomorrow; I have the day off." You smiled sleepily. "Send me a picture when it’s done."

In the comfortable silence that followed, there seemed to be a mutual agreement. Spencer held his hand out to help you up from the couch. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and he gently gripped your waist. Making eye contact, you smiled at each other softly. "I’m sure your gorgeous head would look good with any haircut, but," you gave his lips a quick peck, "Right now I’m tired of thinking of hair, so let’s go to bed."

[ardentblossomings]

"Which mage will betray us next?"

I know this has been a meme within the dragon age fandom for years, but honestly, two out of four betrayals are completely subjective, in my opinion. Spoilers for the plots of every main dragon age game!

Morrigan's betrayal came first. Or, at the very least, that's what people would like you to think. After all, she leaves, and there's a literal "Witch Hunt" DLC. But aside from the fact that you can do said DLC even as an Orlesian Warden, who has very little to do with Morrigan, what has she actually done wrong in the first place? From the very beginning, Morrigan makes it clear that her mother made her come with you, and that she herself feels rather out of place. You even get the option to betray her yourself (e.g. through not following through with her wishes regarding in how you deal with Flemeth). She's closed off, standing far, far away from the other people at your camp, and doesn't want to be your friend, or even your romantic partner. She doesn't want to get attached to someone she might hurt. Yes, Morrigan as a whole doesn't seem to be too interested in making friends, but it's you specifically she's the most reluctant with. Even at the very end, she makes it clear that it is your choice in how to proceed, but no matter what, she will have to leave. The main difference is that if you date her, she will care too much to keep you out of sight completely. But she's always upfront about having her own agenda, and about what kind of boundaries she wants to set. It is you who breaks those boundaries, or makes the decisions. You are the one to decide on the fate of the Old God's soul, and you are the one to decide to follow her. This is where the deciding factor begins: If you are dating her, she arguably betrays you by leaving you behind and taking your child with her. If you are an elf, especially a Dalish elf, she arguably betrays you by stealing from the Dalish. Even if you are a mage, you can argue that the same applies because of the arcane knowledge she has gained. Any other situation? She doesn't technically betray you, though you may still feel that way.

Second came Anders, the Warden who never even told you his name. At least, according to World of Thedas - he's simply a man from the Anderfels, which is why he's called Anders. Depending on your choices in Awakening, you might already feel like some of the things he tells you in Exodus (DA2) are a betrayal, going against the experiences you've shared with him. The main betrayal, however, comes in the final act, where he involves you directly in his plans to blow up the chantry. There is no way around it: Unless you are in a rivalry with him, he lies to you, and you are none the wiser. People die because of him - and you are his accomplice. How you feel about all of this, if you can forgive him or not, doesn't really matter. Hawke, unlike perhaps the player, feels betrayed. And so do their companions - especially famously Sebastian.

Third comes Solas in Inquisition. He plays the humble mage, travelling alongside you while telling half-truths and avoiding lies. Solas doesn't lie to the Inquisitor. At worst, he stretches the truth or omits important details. Solas genuinely thinks he will need to betray you - even plans to do so. But, arguably, he doesn't even do that. From beginning to the end (of Inquisition), he helps you, guides you, mirrors you. Do you treat him well, inquire further? He is more than happy to share his knowledge with you, even when twisting some details. Do you act unkind towards him? He will become true to his name - prideful, arrogant, just like the Inquisitor that doesn't care for his thoughts. Until the very end, Solas tries to help, making it clear what he wants to protect and how he feels about things. He even leads you to Skyhold, for crying out loud. He, just like Morrigan, is reluctant to get closer, romantically, to the Inquisitor. Unlike Morrigan, he is willing to be your friend the moment you show him kindness, at least for the time being. Once again, paths begin to change when we hit his DLC, perhaps even earlier if you count romancing him and him leaving you bare faced (or not). You can view this as a betrayal, just like you can view Trespasser as a betrayal. But you can also see it as him leaving hints for you to follow, and you trespassing in his crossroads. Solas allows you to glimpse into his past, allows you to find him, and even saves your life - even if he dislikes you. The main problem? He now tells you of his plans for the future. And, needless to say, they are deeply flawed. And yet, from Trespasser to Veilguard, he leaves a million hints as to where you can find him and learn more about his plans - almost as if he never wanted to get into this position to begin with.

Finally, it's Solas again. Veilguard spoilers. This time, he definitely betrays you. First, he keeps Varric's fate from you, then he lies about his thoughts on blood magic (having used it himself), and finally, he seeks to imprison you in his stead. But he doesn't stop there. Even after all of this, Wisdom has been twisted into Pride - he feels like he has to right the wrongs he has done because of Mythal, and he can't break free from what he feels is his purpose. Even at the cost of betraying his protége, again, and again, and again. He wants to destroy the Veil at any cost. And neither friends, nor lovers, are capable of stopping him - only Mythal, the very being that twisted his purpose, can set him free. Or Rook can make the ultimate sacrifice, imprisoning themself alongside Solas once more. This is where Veilguard really, truly succeeded for me - it made me hate Solas a little. Not because he is a bad person, but rather, because it is so easy for Justice to become Vengeance.

After all, Mythal was the goddess of Justice, while Elgar'nan was Vengeance. And yet, Flemeth wasn't always just, and Fen'Harel didn't always act according to his own wisdom. Just like Anders was supposed to be possessed by Justice, and yet, his skill tree makes it clear that Justice has already become Vengeance.

If we take the bigger picture into account - Morrigan stealing Dalish tomes and eventually becoming Mythal herself, aiding those very same Dalish she stole from, just like her mother before her, seems even less like a betrayal. Moreover, if you were dating her, you have the option to stay with her - just like the Warden eventually chooses to leave. As for Solas - it entirely depends on your thoughts on him. If you count Inquisition and Veilguard as one whole thing then, yes. He definitely betrayed you. If not? Well, it is up for you, Inquisitor, to decide.

[wilsonphiggs]

I fucking hate mcsm btw (lying)

hey guys so I thought a bit too hard and I was thinking about how I would rewrite the story. one of my gripes specifically being with how they handled lukas and axel’s relationship. I went on a really long tangent on how I would’ve fixed it and I’ll paste it under the cut. (WARNING: IT’S A REALLY LONG RANT.)

so, I didn’t really like how they treated their dynamic. axel was so concerned for petra—and that’s understandable, considering she’s a friend—but they never gave a reason as to why axel SPECIFICALLY was worried so much, which caused him to lash out more. therefore, resulting in him mad at lukas for getting scared, along with the fact that he was the leader of the ocelots, yatta yatta etc. etc.

but my main point is: their mutual disdain for each other not only felt forced, but artificial. it felt so unreasonable, with axel shoving lukas around for seemingly no reason at times. not only that, but axel was just generally an asshole of a character. I get having someone joke around a little rudely if it’s all jokes and you know that—my friend group and I are like that all the time. but there’s a fine line between crude humor and outright bullying your “friends” or allies. not to mention he was just a frustrating character. “but… finders keepers!” when EVERYONE is in danger and he just refuses to give up the thing that would stop the witherstorm? a dick move.

and apologies, but lukas felt a little TOO nice at times in the first one or two episodes. yes, he’s generally a nice guy. and yes, he’s had some moments of getting frustrated or prickly. but considering that he was rivals with this group for so long, admitted that he didn’t really think highly of them for a while, AND petra herself called him arrogant? you can’t blame me for thinking that he was a bit too kind, even if he was trying to stay on good terms with everyone while the world was seemingly ending. yeah, he was awkward. and no, I don’t think he should’ve been outwardly hostile. but I don’t think he should’ve been quite as friendly as he was.

they should both have little quirks and flaws, but they should also both be lovable characters in their OWN ways. this is honestly how I would’ve written it:

it would’ve been better to make axel really stand off-ish because he doesn’t know how to really act around someone who was once “bad” in his eyes, but is now suddenly “good.” especially when the change is so sudden. distrusting, awkward, unpleasant interactions would feel much more natural rather than downright antagonizing lukas at every turn.

axel is really awkward and is a little distrustful of him because of so many factors, but maybe lukas interprets that as aloofness and detachment. lukas tries not to really disrupt conversations because he feels as though he’s intruding, but axel perhaps interprets that as arrogance and conceit. miscommunication, misinterpretation—these are much more natural ways of having animosity grow between two parties.

and hey, even better! this could allow you to have a choice ACTUALLY make a difference TELLTALE GAMES. (the company infamous for having choices in games that don’t Actually matter!)

maybe if you have axel stay behind with lukas to fortify the temple while also getting magnus, MAYBE you can see them actually visibly get along better! even if axel went off on his own to get magnus—which was him straying from the plan—maybe they agreed and decided it was for the better to get the order together again rather than just a few members. maybe you can see them having similar ideas, talking more, etc. etc.

and on the other hand, if you go with axel for magnus and choose olivia to stay, maybe axel feels a little more bitter towards lukas since olivia went off to get ellagaard. he feels bitter since he just let her go instead of convincing her to just STAY and wait for petra like the original plan was (even though he knows he would’ve broken that himself to go out for magnus, but moral highgrounds and such.)

yeah, sure. it’ll end in you getting both members of the order anyway. that won’t change. BUT, it still affects the characters! it fleshes out the characters more. makes them both have perks AND flaws! it HUMANIZES them, makes them more realistic.

and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, if the conflict between them builds up enough, you might have to choose one side or the other at some point in the story! there could be several decisions that alter their relationship and how they function! one of your lifelong best friends who has ADMITTED that you’re one of his only friends, and you can tell he cares about everyone there (even if not entirely obvious,) or a friend that, while you once bickered a ton with in the past, is now genuinely making an effort to change and care and seems generally more agreeable now? they both love you and your friends, undoubtedly, but they’re too bitter to be around one another. there isn’t enough room for the both of them. one has to go, jesse. so, who’ll it be?

in fact, maybe there’s a scene where lukas and axel are in danger. in the ellagaard route (followed by more good decision making,) one actually saves the other from said situation and everyone lives. in the magnus route (followed by more bad decision making,) they both intentionally sabotage each other and you have to choose to save ONE. either that, or it’s as originally said, where there’s a story-changing fight and you have to choose one or the other.

this is a minor thing but I could not stop thinking about it. but oh well them’s the breaks pal /ref

[slaaverin]

I miss the show, I can’t even rewatch at the moment because I know it ends, it’s been the most comforting and loveliest thing to have to look forward to every week. your edit was so wonderful too, thank you for doing them 💜

I guess one question I’m left with is why they did the show? Not the part about spending time together but why? We may never know but it’s all I keep thinking about. It’s left such an impression on me and us as supporters, such a beautiful thing to be able to see their bond. I will treasure it forever, or as long as I can keep paying my Disney subscription 😭

Ohhh anon, I am delighted by your message 💜 thank you

I will miss the show dearly too 😭

Thankfully there are the behinds coming out soon.

I may only offer my 2 cents about why they decided to do the show, and I may be full delulu, but I think it was a combination of many factors.

Firstly, as you said, they did it for themselves, because they wanted, needed, to spend time together at that time.

They seemed to be having a hard time being separated this much, and they needed the comfort before going into such an uncertain time in their lives.

But there was also that stupid rule before MS, do you remember? They couldn't really leave the country unless it was work related, or something? I don't know if that rule was made up by people or what, but if it was indeed the case then they kinda had no choice but to make a show out of it?

I think that's why Jimin said "This will not air at all" in the first episode.

Because the show was only an excuse at first to be able to travel together. Which was the main thing they wanted, making the show was second.

But I think they didn't dislike the idea of the show either.

With the passing of each year, jikook have become more and more kind to us, not hiding at all anymore the status of their relationship, simply being themselves and not being so afraid of what people might say. They have revealed A LOT.

They know there are haters, of course, and this is where I'm going delulu, but I think they know they have deep supporters too. They are on social media. They are in a relationship. They are not going to watch stuff like stupid tkkers content. It's logical they would watch content and opinions of people that support their bond, not haters. I think they are aware that even if we are not many, there are at least SOME people that see them as they are and enjoy their interactions a lot.

So to me, their show is also like a gift to us, the true supporters. Because really, jikook are simply generous people.

In a way, with this show, they showed a deep level of trust to their fans.

Many words have already been twisted, and they knew it would happen, yet they counted on their true supporters to read between the lines, to get what they were showing.

They know we are not stupid.

Maybe they had a mindset of "whoever will get it will get it, and about the others...who cares, let them imagine whatever they want"

Delulu again but I think they had also enough of all the hiding ("hiding" bcs they never really hid). Honestly if Jimin gave Jungkook permission that man would blurt out in 2 seconds that Jimin is the love of his life. He is always 🤏🏻 this close to outing himself.

You can live your love in the shadows, I mean it's a choice and it's fine, some people can deal with it, but sometimes you see that Jungkook is really dying to scream it over the roofs. I don't think it's really *that* fine for him. It's the same about Jimin, but Jimin is so responsible and careful, not necessarily for his own sake, but for Jungkook's, that he would put his own feelings aside to keep the both of them safe.

And yet, he did the show.

Really un-Jimin of him lol or maybe the most Jimin? This is perhaps his true colors really shining?

So in a way I think this show was also a way for them to say "Fuck it, let's put everything on the table."

Thanfully people are still willfully blind, and jikook have very specific circumstances where everything they do that are really questionable could always be mistaken for something else. They could always dismiss it if asked.

They're walking a very fine line between what's acceptable and outright too much.

I think it's a talent? And luck, because of their societal situation, because of the group's dynamic, because they don't really explain stuff to us anyway, we see things, and make our own conclusions. So anything goes.

In a way I think it was some sort of liberation for them. They liberated themselves from the constraints of a heavy schedule that prevented them so see each other, they freed themselves from the burden of dread about military, they showed everything they'd got about their relationship in a "Fuck everything" moment, and they also set a first stone for the future.

More AYS? Other trips together, reaffirming their commitment to each other (as if spending 18 month in military wasn't enough already lmao).

It was their way to say "This is it. This is who we are. This is what we are to each other. This is how we are happy. We want to be with each other, now and later, and until we are 50 btw, you know everything now. I will go and come back, and my mind will not change, expect more of this, more of us, because it's our reality. Now you know. Do you get it? If you don't, it's ok. If you do, we love you."

That's my feeling anon. And I could be waaay off, but that's what I felt watching this show.

I'm tremendously grateful for all of it.

Like all of us, I deeply care about those two men, I love them unconditionally, I only want to see them happy. It is my greatest joy.

But to think they made a gift such as this show to us, honestly, it touches my heart in deep ways.

Usually I feel it's our job to love them, but this time, more than other times, I truly felt their love for us.

And I think it's quite beautiful.

Ahhh the way I don't regret being a jikooker.

We always get the best piece of the cake! Isn't it lovely? :D

This show will remain the standard for me now. Imagine going back to like 2019, only seeing jikook in a 20 second clip from concerts? Hell no.

They truly opened a door with this show that I feel they won't be closing anymore (bcs they won't want to), and I'm here for it.

Those next month until 2025 might feel long. I will maybe keep making edits if I have inspiration and now I'm dabbling a little into writing, so I hope time goes by fast.

Thankfully we have 8 episodes to re-watch in the winter whenever we feel sad 💔 I will treasure it too 🥺

To many more happy moments to come 🥂

Let's be patient 😌

Thank you anon and take good care 💜 sending you hugs 🫂

[azriona]

Doctor Who compilation bookbinding project

Okay, continued the bookbinding this afternoon, and this time paid slightly more attention to the signature order, so now it's all sewed up in the right direction. The textblock isn't quite done--it still needs endpapers and headbands-- but that's going to have to wait because I don't have the endpapers I want.

Anyway, I thought I'd post progress pictures for those interested, and because I realized I haven't taken progress photos of any of the projects thus far. This is the third of my own fics that I've been binding. I'm not doing too much new with this one, but I still haven't figured out the cover so I might try something with that. Anyway, this compilation is of my Doctor Who fics (Pages and Left Behind are the main ones, and then an assortment of shorter fics).

(Confession: it has been so long since I read Left Behind, and I have been so deep in the MCU lately, that I read the opening to this story and my first thought is, "Tony Stark is in this here?!" 😂😂😂😂)

So the first part of fanbinding actually creating the pdf for printing. This probably takes up the most time, because I'm doing a shit-ton of trying to coax Word to do what I want it to do. Luckily, I learned how to do this when prepping Pen's books for printing, and I've gotten a lot better and faster at it over the years. I don't know that I'm any good at it, really--I see some layouts that are frankly amazing and inventive and creative and I wish I could think of those designs, but hey, I think I do all right. You can't see on the above page (it's too light) but there's the faint design of Gallifreyen behind the chapter title there. I also played a lot with using backgrounds on the main title pages:

Okay, those show up better. I'm trying to decide if I want to trim the pages so that you don't have that blank outline around the title page decoration. (Word won't let you print all the way to the edge of the page, which I guess is the drawback of home printing? Eh.) The advantage of trimming would be that I get that nice flat side to the textblock; right now it's that choppy sort of look. Which I don't mind, honestly, but at some point I gotta learn how to cut those pages nice and even.

The deets: printed on ivory letter-sized paper, folded in half. The entire file is a nice solid 300 pages or so.

Anyway, with the signatures printed, it was time to put it together. This time, I had an awl-guide and cradle that I had 3-D printed at the library based on a design from Thingiverse. CHECK THAT BABY OUT. Mine is white and gold (because I told the library I did not care what color they used). I have to say, I love it. Made cutting holes soooooo much easier and faster and perfect and painless. Support your local library, folks, they have all sorts of cool toys.

Sewing it together: I'm continuing to use a kettle-stitch, because it's easy and fast and previously I had trouble keeping the stitches even and tight. I think I finally figured out how to do both now, both a factor in the holes being consistent (thank you, awl guide & cradle) and just paying better attention to the tension in the thread. This is probably the thickest I could go without those strappy thing I see some of the thicker tomes using (I cannot remember the name and you do not want to know what I found when I typed "strappy things" in Google; it sure didn't pertain to bookbinding).

FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE GORGEOUS, PEOPLE.

So that's where we're leaving it; I have a pretty good idea what endpapers I want to use, I just have to get back to JoAnn's to get them. I have ideas about the cover, but I'm not sure how to make it happen, so I'll let that ferment and switch back to one of the other projects. More later.

[realbeijinger]

Another semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and TGCF (I finally finished!)

Well, I finished Tian Guan Ci Fu. And, oh man, if you read my last post, you’ll know that I was terrified that the entire novel would be a criticism of blind idealism. But I am SO glad I was wrong!!! Looking back on what I wrote before… it’s kind of hilarious how worried I was. I was so sure that I knew where it was going, was so busy preparing myself to be offended/emotionally crushed, that I wouldn’t even entertain the idea that maybe MXTX had a similar worldview to me all along.

In my defense, aside from the line, “Something like saving the common people… although foolish, it is brave,” everything seemed to point toward the idea that trying to do good is pointless. I mean, up until the moment when Xie Lian was lying with a sword in his chest on the streets of Yong’an, all of his efforts to do good had essentially been in vain. He hadn’t been able to help anyone.

And then, when the one guy stopped and gave Xie Lian his hat, I dunno, I just cried. It was so perfect! Like, ugh, damn you, MXTX! So sneaky… destroying us, just to bring us back later!! It was such a small, insignificant win, but it was exactly what Xie Lian (and I) needed. I love the line, “Just one person was enough!” Just one person doing something selfless. It’s enough to give us hope.   

It really resonates with me because I think a lot about how to maintain hope. In terms of the climate crisis, I feel like Xie Lian—completely powerless. I want to stop eating meat, use less plastic, spend more time on environmental activism, but honestly, what do any of these things matter? The meat industry is not going to change because I choose to stop consuming. Even my activism has a completely negligible effect—whether or not I join a protest or write a letter to my congressman will almost certainly not be the deciding factor for any climate legislation, no matter how much effort I put in.  

And yet, I still want to. I love the moment when Xie Lian chooses to get stabbed over and over rather than create a second plague of Human Face Disease, and White No-Face asks him in shock, “Why??”—as in, why would you ever do that? And Xie Lian responds: “I don’t have a reason—just because I want to! Even if I explained it to you… Useless trash like you wouldn’t understand.” This line is so great. Xie Lian can’t explain it to White No-Face, because, in truth, it isn’t entirely logical. It can’t be explained by reason. I want to do my measly, unimportant part to help the world… because I want to. Because it feels right. Because it’s my way of keeping my heart, of maintaining faith that there is some good in this world worth upholding. (As an aside, I love how the English title of the live action drama—which we may never get to see, God damn censorship!!!!—is called “Eternal Faith.” Of course it refers to Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s faith in each other, but I think it also means having eternal faith in the value of doing good, despite centuries of experience that seem to show its pointlessness.)

As I talked about in my last post, if you zoom out far enough, nothing really seems to matter. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. And yet, I believe we still have to act like it matters. This is the basic tenant of existentialism, and I think MXTX portrays this philosophical paradox really beautifully.

It’s funny, because I think MXTX has a lot of profound things to say, but in an interview I read, she warned against viewing her work too deeply, saying, “I am not a guru.” I get that she may not want the responsibility of giving people spiritual advice, but I do think she presents some really fascinating, really novel, philosophical ideas. So, sorry MXTX, but I’m about to analyze TGCF like it’s a piece of freakin scripture. Soo here we go…

The main theme she comes back to again and again is that fortune is limited, so the only way you can do good for others is by taking fortune from somebody else. Which leads the characters to a bunch of ethically impossible choices: the people of Yong’an and the people of Xianle can’t all be saved (Xie Lian must choose who to help), neither can the people of Wuyong and the surrounding kingdoms (Prince of Wuyong must choose), and Shi Wudu can’t save his brother from a tragic fate without taking fortune from an innocent person. When the characters try to avoid choosing, and try to “play God” by creating a “third path,” it just invites disaster.

But is this really true? Is fortune actually limited? It’s an idea that reminds me of Buddhism and Daoism, but also seems kind of revolutionary… (I like to think I know something about Chinese philosophy but it could certainly be a thing and I don’t know). I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in limited resources, and the idea that nature tends toward balance. I think conceiving of it this way, as a pool of fortune, is really interesting.   

It reminds me of this Meme:

In other words, who is the protagonist and who is the villain is entirely based on perspective. And, according to the laws of nature, we all must survive by eating others, or causing others to starve (i.e. avoiding being eaten).

I tried to think if this is really true in all areas of life. I’m a teacher, and one of the ways I convince myself that I am doing good in the world is by helping my students—preparing them well for college so that they can get into good schools and follow their dreams. But then, is this just taking fortune from others? If I do prepare my students well, and as a result they all get into top universities, does that mean they are taking spots away from other students? Am I simply just helping “my own,” at the expense of others?

One place where I see this concept play out very clearly is with our modern, industrialized society. As I mentioned in my last post, we live in a world of abundance. Most of us have enough food to eat, live in houses with electricity and running water, and don’t worry about a whole host of diseases endured by our ancestors. It seems we have done what Xie Lian couldn’t—we have expanded the well of fortune for most of humanity.

But this fortune wasn’t spontaneously created. It was taken from other species. It was borrowed against our own future, when climate change will likely destroy this world of abundance we have created, causing untold suffering. In truth, when it comes to prosperity, there is no such thing as a free lunch.   

Even now, when we ought to be enjoying our fortune, most of us are not happy. We want other things. We take food, clothing, and shelter for granted, creating even bigger, more lofty demands—a bigger car, a better house, a machine that’s sole purpose is to make bread. In fact, it seems like whenever we make things “better,” the goalposts just move. I recently read a book called Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, which mentioned that with the advent of washing machines and vacuum cleaners, everyone assumed there would be more free time. Yet, the real outcome was that standards of cleanliness just changed. Suddenly, people expected you to wear fresh clothes every day and have a perfectly dust-free home, which meant spending just as much time cleaning as in the past.     

And according to psychologists, getting what we want doesn’t really make us happier. Instead, something like getting a promotion causes our happiness to spike, before it quickly returns to baseline. The psychologist Dan Gilbert writes that the purpose of our emotions is to act like a compass—to tell us which direction to go in. If you feel good, you can continue the way you are going. If you feel bad, you should probably turn—make a change. But if you get what you want and become permanently happy, your compass is now broken. It’s stuck in one direction and becomes useless.

All of this is very Buddhist, of course. Suffering is not caused by our external circumstances, but our desire to change them.

Like I said, I don’t necessarily believe in “fate” or “fortune.” But I believe this all points to something deeper that MXTX is getting at: which is that we cannot fundamentally make a better world, for the common people, or for anyone. This idea of “better” doesn’t really exist. The world is as it is. Trying to alter that is like playing God. And like Xie Lian says, “In this world, there are no true gods…”  

So, what do we do? How can we survive this absurdist tragedy of life? I don’t think we can just throw up our hands and not give a shit—that way lies depression and Jun Wu-style cruelty. We cannot lose our heart. But we also can’t try to fix everything.

One thing I find a bit difficult about MXTX is she is very clear about the impossible situations our characters find themselves in, but not really clear about the solution. She seems critical of the characters’ actions (I’m thinking also of Wei Wuxian here), but what exactly does she think they should have done? In other words, what is the point?

I spent a long time thinking about this. And I realized that Xie Lian was able to get back on his feet, find happiness and make peace with himself. How did he do this? Ultimately, I see Xie Lian’s solution as having three parts: self-sacrifice, gratitude, and purpose. Which all sounds very academic and maybe not that profound on an emotional level. But hear me out. Because, in the end, I think these choices are incredibly beautiful. They are the kind of thing that make me feel like reading TGCF was actually a spiritual experience, no matter what MXTX says. That makes me admire Xie Lian and want to follow him (like the God he is).

Okay so first: self-sacrifice. If fortune is limited, and the only way to make others’ lives better is to take fortune from someplace else, then there is really only one place you can take it from without hurting others—yourself.

So, part of Xie Lian’s solution is to take fortune from himself and give it to others. It’s why he asks for a cursed shackle that disperses his fortune, so that his fortune will naturally flow to those around him. It’s, of course, a very small thing. He is no longer playing God, or trying to “fix” the world on a grand scale. He is simply, in his own, quiet way, serving the common people.

My desire to give up meat and to spend more time on activism—these things feel like big sacrifices for me. And yet, they will have a very small impact on the greater situation in the world. They’re a drop in the ocean. I still want to do it, but it’s hard. It’s hard to care, or think that these things matter. Yet, this is the trade-off Xie Lian was willing to make. I really admire him for it.   

I believe self-sacrifice is actually a really important, beautiful thing, that our society has forgotten the value of. We are individualistic—obsessed with our own wants. As I mentioned previously, our expectations have risen, so we buy and buy and buy. We are unwilling to rein in our consumption. I know a lot of people baulk at lifestyle changes as a solution to the climate crisis, and I agree that putting pressure on individuals instead of governments or corporations is misguided. But, first of all, there simply aren’t enough resources on earth to sustain our current levels of consumption. And, second… I don’t think we can completely let individuals off the hook. What is society anyway, but a collection of individuals? If we are going to address this thing, it’s going to take a massive movement—bigger than the civil rights movement or the works’ rights movement or the women’s movement. It’s going to take millions of people worldwide getting out of their own heads, their own lives, and concerning themselves with the greater good. That requires immense sacrifice.

Which takes me to gratitude. In order to be willing to sacrifice, you have to appreciate what you already have.

People often talk about gratitude these days as a path to mental health. Instinctively, it sounds like an uplifting, positive thing. And it is… but it also entails having a relatively negative worldview. It means remembering all the horrible things that exist in this world which we are lucky enough to avoid on a daily basis. You stepped in some dog shit? Well, that sucks, but you could have stepped into an open manhole and broken your neck! So! That’s something to be grateful for.  

We are all so lucky. I’m sure everyone reading this has pains and traumas and challenges. This isn’t to diminish those, but, I hope, at least we all have at least one person to love. That’s all Hua Cheng had, and it’s what kept him going. Just one person was enough. And most of us, I hope, get to eat food every day, get to sleep in a bed, get to play video games or read novels or write poetry when we are sad. Not everyone gets those things.  

Xie Lian, of course, was the king of low expectations, because he knew his future was going to be bad. He had intentionally accepted bad luck for a lifetime. So, there was no point in hoping for things to get better.

I think this attitude is best shown by his interaction with the Venerable of Empty words. The Venerable of Empty Words feeds off people’s fears. But Xie Lian didn’t really have any. When the Venerable of Empty Words warned him that his hut will collapse in two months, his response is, “Two months? If it’s still standing in seven days, then it’ll be a real miracle.” Because his expectations are so low, he’s essentially immune to fear. I can’t help but think that if you could really think this way, it would be a kind of superpower. It reminds me of the famous quote by spiritual teacher Krishnamurti, “Do you know what my secret is? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

And so Xie Lian is okay with everything. He can sleep anywhere, crash boulders on his chest for money, not eat for three days, regularly suffer corpse poisoning, and still be okay.

Which leads to my third point: purpose. Xie Lian is able to endure such hardship because his expectations are low, but also he knows all his suffering has a purpose. “If I am to become a God of misfortune, then so be it,” he says. “As long as I know deep down that I am not.” He is okay with being laughed at or avoided for his bad luck, because deep down he knows he is doing the right thing. People can withstand a great deal if they feel their suffering has meaning. In Man’s Search for Meaning, the psychiatrist Victor Frankl’s writes about the horrors of living through a concentration camp, and how over and over, it was creating purpose that allowed him, and others, to find motivation to survive. Which I think has an important lesson for self-sacrifice. People are willing to sacrifice a lot, if they feel their sacrifice has purpose.

I get it when MXTX says that she is not a guru, and maybe it’s a lot to ask of a danmei novel to take spiritual advice from it. The book wasn’t necessarily perfect, and I do have some critiques (which I was gonna add here, but this thing is already wayyy too long). But… I do think I found something really meaningful in this story—some inspiration. I want to follow Xie Lian’s example, and live with gratitude and acceptance, while keeping my faith in doing the right thing. In other words, WWXLD! (What Would Xie Lian Do?)

[olderthannetfic]

The main problem that I have with Youtubers who attempt to approach media analysis and fandom through theory and academia is that the vast majority aren't academics. Just being in undergrad isn't actually enough, contrary to the thoughts of many. Reading a Wikipedia article and reiterating what one may find in some Google, even Google Scholar, searches. Ideally, these would be topics approached by people involved in academia as a profession, people with doctoral degrees, who can discuss complex topics in a way that is easily understood by the masses. "What is the negotiation between gender and sex in BL?" "How does CMBYN articulate/complicate hierarchal roles within the gay novel?" "Could SnK express an alternative reading of the formerly isolated Japan?" These are complicated questions they attempt to answer in their video essays when they seldom ever understand the theories they employ.

Yes, I understand this can sound elitist, but as a Black afab person who is currently in a doctoral program for literature, there aren't "easy" answers to any of the questions they attempt to pose, and many Youtubers who primarily make long-form video essays lack the life experience and expertise to sufficiently discuss anything. They're usually too set in their thoughts to answer or explore the broader implications of their claims. Defending a dissertation forces you to do this. Forming a committee of experts in various fields and convincing them to aid you in the development of your dissertation forces you to do this. Being in academic and cordial communication with your peers from all over the world in your field forces you to do this. It's not easy to constantly intake new information from various eras and nations (depending on your topic), meld this information into a coherent essay, and continually make edits as you learn new information, thus changing your outlook on things. Also: it's really petty of me, but it's also incredibly annoying to grade poorly researched undergrad essays who, after some prompting in office hours, say they got these ideas on books, movies, and shows from breadtubers like Somerton, SZ, FD Signifier, or hbomberguy. Cue: me going to watch their videos and realizing they have no idea what they're talking about 88% of the time in terms of theory and application of said theory. Even the ones who frame themselves on being educators in real life, like Signifier, lack any nuance, depth, or media literacy to make a compelling argument if you know even the slightest bit of information. On the bright side, I now know why I've encountered several students with ideologies that are basically conservatism with a veneer of progressivism, or "conservatism in a queer hat."

This concludes my long-winded way of saying "Don't turn to Youtubers for media analysis. You're better off just reading articles by people who have to actually know what they're talking about. The majority of Youtubers (especially the breadtubers) don't have the bandwidth to discuss anything more complex than an episode of Blue's Clues."

--

I mostly agree, but I'd point to a slightly different problem. I'm hesitant to say that the PhD itself is the deciding factor, but I do think a lot of video essayists are insufficiently prepared.

I'm a big fan of Folding Ideas who does have some formal schooling in film, but I don't think it's that education per se that makes him great. He sets himself apart from other video essayists by actually doing his research and having an in-depth approach to his subjects. He doesn't resort to clickbait, and—here's the key—he often takes months or even a year to work on something.

Honestly, I think that's a big part of it: the hoops most youtubers who want to make a living at it have to jump through involve a lot of clickbait and pandering and a fast production schedule. They don't involve reputable peer review except by the court of shriek-y public opinion on twitter.

They'd like to present themselves as documentary filmmaking (which is essentially what Folding Ideas' longer videos are), but they don't actually live up to any of the usual standards of that either.

I think it can be elitist to say that someone needs to have certain letters after their name, yes, but what really strikes me about your average youtube media analysis type and the fanbase is that they want shortcuts.

Exploring the whole history of the gay novel so that you have enough background to talk about CMBYN means reading quite a few novels. Even if you decide to throw out all past scholarly opinion on the topic (which you shouldn't), if you're going to have a meaningful personal theory, you need to have read a lot of novels first. How can you hope to be the person providing the neat overview of the whole genre if you haven't familiarized yourself widely with said genre, and not just through a summary by someone else? That amount of reading doesn't happen overnight.

The trite, surface-level media analysis online is often from people who want to be hailed as great intellectuals but who aren't willing to put in the years it takes to do all the background reading and to develop their skills in argumentation, writing, etc.

Grad school is a convenient and probably faster way to go about all that, but I think you could do it outside of a formal framework... But you would need to actually do it.

I think it's driven by a bunch of people who were The Smart One in grade school and never learned how to work hard on long-term projects instead of pushing through in a sprint. They're used to relying on being the smartest to cut corners and do things before they get bored, only they probably aren't the smartest anymore anyway, and they mistake being smart at one thing for being smart at all things.

There's a real lack of respect for the entire concept of expertise.

[yourlocalpurplekinnie]

Yugioh Rarepair Week Day 3!

When your bf whose a detective breaks you out:

Fisher is looking around bur I accidentally made them look annoyed </3 and also pretend as if the handcuffs and key are more obvious okay :((

I didn’t have too much time deciding on what to do for this one because I was doing stuff today and so I had less time to do the drawing and plan then previous days <\3 so I went with one of my first couple ideas

Also shoutout to that nice looking chair back there‼️‼️

Honestly these prompts all for today really stumped me </3 I have no actual idea why they did but my brain was just NOT working?? And that’s probably gonna be the same for tomorrow I’m gonna be honest ☹️☹️ hey at least I’ll have more time to think about it though :33

I also just HAD to draw Fisher if I went with the detective route because look at that outfit?? So Fisher x London for that prompt was a must and since I didn’t wanna do bathing together and hurt/comfort had me blanking because my main two ships (until I decided I’m probably gonna do some extingushshipping too (Flame x Windy)) didn’t really HAVE that factor to them

1. Because Tweetshipping is apart of different Yugioh’s and I didn’t want it to be a one sided thing as in: One character is going through something and the other is too bur they both comfort each other. I knew I wanted for it to be shared

2. Fisher x London literally do not have that much time together. Like soooo??? Now thinking about it I could use it featuring London’s duel against The Luge and then him losing and stuff but I didn’t think of that until now + I don’t know it just gives me this thing of not being the best thing to do???

Anyways its too late to go and make another drawing (not really but shhhhh (I don’t wanna))

And I’m literally coming out here with different colouring things each time (let’s see what I come up with tomorrow!!! /j)

Overall I could have done something WAYYY better but I just want to do all of these on the correct days so this is what I bring to the table </3

[ashpkat]

tma brainrot recently. here’s a tma magisterium au that makes nosense because this is just a vague idea. also spoilers for tma

archivist tamara — she would be the ideal archivist at first honestly. she’s incredibly curious and inquisitive and always striving to learn more and know more. tamara is also incredibly competent and would piece things together a lot quicker than john / wouldn’t be as much of a skeptic. in her later years at the institute, i don’t see her following in john’s footsteps and being “apologies for the deception”ed and i think she would take more of a gertrude robinson path. her whole schtick is that she’s going to do the right thing no matter what and i definitely think she wouldn’t be above arson and other various crimes to stop a ritual. (though i don’t see her disposing of her assistants as easily as gertrude does, she’s far too loyal for that. if she were to be tricked and start the apocalypse, i think it would be more loyalty based)

lonely avatar aaron — guys. hnnnghhh. i think being lonely in a crowd like aaron was for the majority of his later life would be a big factor as to becoming an avatar of the lonely. or at least partially, sort of like martin? where he’s affiliated with both the beholding and the lonely? i haven’t quite decided but yeah. just put that thought in ur head. he was definitely an archival assistant to tamara and sort of took a hands on approach like sasha (he doesn’t turn into the not them i would cry) / was the other candidate for the head archivist position before it went to tamara. again, contributing to his feelings of inadequacy (though of course he would be happy for her) that would perhaps lead to some isolation and then. lonely avatar. erm if he’s going to die, i could see him dying to stop a ritual. he would love to kayak

several ideas for call. avatar of the end or the dark — or, hear me out, he’s sort of affiliated to both similar to martin. but, he’s an archival assistant so that would mean he would also be affiliated with beholding but. as the main character of magisterium i feel he has some right to be incredibly unique and Kewl. and it is technically possible to belong to two or three entities if they are essentially interlinked in the first place, like jared hopsworth who is flesh-spiral or john who could be interpreted as beholding-web. specifically picked the end because i could see him in a similar situation as oliver banks n stuff (plus. he’s associated with death in the books as he is technically dead) but also. the dark. for fun purposes and maybe plot that i haven’t thought of because This Goes Nowhere. i swear this isn’t a callum brodie reference. call is a very morally grey character in the first few books so i could see him succumbing to the end due to insanity or something, seeing as he did get extremely obsessive in tcg and it would’ve been easy for him to spiral.

eye affiliated jasper — he’s also. the other archival assistant alongside call and aaron. i’m not saying he’s unimportant, i just forget about him sometimes and haven’t given him much thought. he could also be similar to martin in a sense where he is both lonely and beholding, except jasper felt a stronger draw to beholding ? i’m so sorry i have not given this enough thought to draw a conclusion as to wtf he would be. he is lowkey. very complex and never explored enough in the books for me to rlly grasp his character well

head of the institute constantine/maugris — if you have ever seen the magnus archives, this one is extremely self explanatory. the body hopping, the lust for knowledge and power, the straight up villainy. he is so perfect for this role i CANNOT. i made a joke once abt the magisterium au being called the maugris archives and now i can’t get that idea to leave. he is obsessed with knowing things about chaos and resurrection in the books and like. yeah. that’s definitely maugris who wanted to be the most powerful mage ever and was willing to shove his soul into other bodies so he could prolong his life to do so. that’s jonah coded. before constantine was maugris (who has essentially taken jonah’s role in this au) i could see him working in artifact storage or stuff close to the supernatural. though if he was allowed to live his life freely and not get his eyes gouged out, i could see him as the avatar of the end. for obvious reasons.

other characters !?!!!

desolation avatar alex — need i say more. he was definitely celebrating when agnes montague died (or maybe in her place is ravan as the chosen one? maybe he used to be her jude perry but got jealous in the end) cause he wants to be that important to his god. there is so much about his character i cannot pull out of my brain but yeah i think he would be desolation because of how. destructive he is as a chaos devoured and how lowkey crazed he got. it would be in a better way than canon Trust. anywya moving on

the end avatar joseph — NEED I SAY MORE. i could also see him being affiliated with beholding in some way, but for now i’ve put him as an important sponsor like the fairchild’s or the lukases. if constantine/maugris were to go to prison, he would become the head of the institute. call def has a fit and threatens to gouge his eyes out (which i do see him doing or atleast TRYING to do so because his connection to the eye is so much weaker than everyone else’s). hypothetically speaking, if call did turn out to be an end avatar, i could see joseph manipulating him and definitely pushing him along that path.

spiral avatar drew — don’t think it’s appropriate to call him an avatar when he merges with the distortion. like helen and michael basically (maybe storyline wise he takes helen’s role, though i don’t know who michael would be / if there would even be a switch in who is the distortion. idk?? perhaps. he’s got michael and helen’s role. uh) probably estranged with his father at this point honestly since they’re all adults and i can’t see drew staying loyal for that long to him. maybe he was a previous archival assistant to tamara and drew willingly fed himself to the disortion michael style but. tamara didn’t understand and thought it was her fault? and that’s why she’s so protective of her assistants now? and it would like. sort of mimic his betrayal.

celia — she could sort of take georgie’s role? like. she was touched by the end (or some other dread power, but i’m going with the end for right now) and can’t feel fear anymore. not too sure abt her ngl i forget she exists

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 6: Fitton

FIIIIITTTTTOOOONNNN!!!!

As someone who said yesterday that I was a fan of when the show went warmer and cozier in the later seasons, OBVIOUSLY I love Fitton!

The interesting thing to me, speaking on the progression-to-warmer-and-cozier thing, is that we know from the Farewell Bear Facts for this episode that it was, understandably, written as a potential finale if the show hadn't been renewed- and as he also points out, it's really the first episode where we see something that really signifies the characters moving from "coworkers who can get along" to "friends" (the hat incident). It's a turning point for Martin and Douglas- and honestly I'd say for Carolyn and Arthur too, humanizing them by telling us more about their backstory, giving both characters vulnerability (as I pointed out yesterday, there really actually aren't many ways in a typical episode for Arthur to be vulnerable- he's pretty impermeable as a rule!)- and the fact that, when writing an episode that could have been a finale, JF decided that he needed to develop the characters in this way is really nice, partly because it just makes for a very sweet episode and partly because it validates the whole "see, haters, it was ALWAYS supposed to get sweet!" argument I sometimes have with the imaginary people in my head.

ANYWAY. Imagine if the show had ended just as Benny C had gotten the credits exactly right!

I think one great thing here is that, to continue the theme from Douz, Fitton is making it crystal clear that the motivating force behind the show is the existence of the airline- and that will take all of them, working together and becoming family to pull off, and each of them needs to contribute something to make that happen. Individually, over the course of this episode,

Martin has to let go of his ego/insecurity for a minute, take himself less seriously, and hand over the reins temporarily

Douglas has to reveal a vulnerability (his sobriety) in order to step forward and save the day

Carolyn has to think of others as well as herself, find reasons for running MJN that go beyond revenge, and earn the goodwill and loyalty of her pilots by acting moderately human

And, AND, and this is something I didn't quite put together until this listen and YMMV... the main motivating factor for keeping the airline going kind of ends up being Arthur? I kind of love that Arthur shows up at the famous "secret of true happiness" scene basically right on the heels of him telling Carolyn that there's nothing that could make him happier than what he's doing right now with all of them at MJN- and that, in the end, is one of the main engines that prompts Carolyn to decide to keep MJN going. And then they all open themselves up, if only a bit, to Arthur's brand of happiness.

Basically, Arthur Shappey is the emotional heart of the show, but we all knew that. (AND HE GETS TO BE THE CAPTAIN! Best cold-open-to-plot-arc ever.)

This episode is also notable for being the first attempt at a "no plot plot" episode- not to the same degree as a Limerick or a Xinzhou, but pretty near. And it's still a rough draft of that kind of episode, but it's extremely effective in terms of giving the episode emotional resonance. Possibly the best part of it is that you get the vibe that while this isn't the first time they're engaging with each other in this way, they don't necessarily usually go this deep (I mean, Martin didn't know Douglas's wife's name!). So just as we're learning more about the characters through scenes in the life, so are the characters, which is a nice way of experiencing the show's world. And, by the end of this episode, they are all far closer than they've been thus far (even Carolyn and Arthur in a way) and they'll be taking that with them.

(On the note of it not being a Limerick or Xinzhou- I think that's probably the main drawback of the episode, that it gets changed back to being the typical hijinks plot at the end, which is funny but just not super necessary. And, to get back to my point from Cremona, Mr Goddard is too normal and so the solution ends up being too weird and cartoonishly unlikely, relatively speaking. Next season, JF will have a bit more confidence to just let the "no plot" be a plot on its own.)

Some early installment weirdness, or otherwise something I don't quite get more generally- assuming that JF had already decided that Martin is unpaid, how on earth was Martin willing to do 28 days of unpaid standby? What was he living on? Did Carolyn not feel the slightest bit bad?! (...well ok, fine, that might not be the most insurmountable of plot-obstacles)

Also- and this isn't a flaw with the episode, just a subjective thought- those last two minutes of episode are SO cringe-inducing to listen to. I know there's schadenfreude for Martin finally being able to see through Douglas and rub it in his face a bit, but that brown sauce thing was really sweet, and he clearly loves his wife- especially given what we learn later about how she's having an affair, there is something kinda depressing about it. But, admittedly, also darkly funny.

Tomorrow we have one of my top-five episodes, GDAAANSK! (I'll be going in A-Z rather than broadcast order because that's the order on the compilation I'm listening from lol)

[ecargmura]

My New Boss Is Goofy Episode 12 Review + Final Thoughts - A Christmas Party To Remember

Why are all the good animes ending this week! First, The Yuzuki Family’s Four Sons and now this! Why must this week make me suffer? I don’t want this show to end! All good things must come to an end? Who came up with that saying? Come here and fight me for making that phrase.

Unfortunately, this is the last episode of this show. This was a super adorable show. The finale is a Christmas-themed episode where the main cast have a Christmas party, exchange gifts, and Momose finally moves out. I always liked Christmas-themed episodes because they’re always heartwarming in a way. In some Asian countries, Christmas is more of a lovers’ holiday, there were a lot of romantic elements sprinkled in between Shirosaki and Momose. I did notice that Shirosaki and Momose got presents for Hakutou but not for each other.

The Christmas party between the main quartet was super nice. That was a lot of food Shirosaki prepped. The way they randomized the gift exchange was so cute too! Just seeing these guys be chill and have fun was super nice to see! Even though, it’s usually like this, I feel like the cuteness amped up due to the festivities.

The real “conflict” of this episode is Momose finally deciding the right place and thus, going to move out. The one who is most conflicted with this is none other than Shirosaki. While he enjoys the time he spent with Momose, he finds it hard to let him go; like Momose, he knows that once he moves out, his life won’t be the same. They would only see each other at work and no longer spend as much time together as before. The place he was going to move into was near Kumatte Land, and very far from Shirosaki’s place. I felt so emotional when Hakutou started crying as he jumped onto Momose; he loves him a lot. Shirosaki grabbing onto Momose’s leg was so bittersweet too.

In a sudden plot twist, Momose manages to move into the building next to Shirosaki’s apartment, where they can see each other perfectly fine. I honestly both expected and did not expect that turn of event at all. I knew there was going to be some twist given the nature of this show, but I didn’t expect it to be so up front with it. Like what Hakutou said, give me back my tears!

It’s hard to let this show go. This was one of my favorites for this season. It’s highly unlikely that a season 2 will be made as most of the stuff has been up to date. All I can do is imagine the sort of life Shirosaki, Momose and Hakutou will have now that they are neighbors. What are your thoughts for this finale?

Final Thoughts

This was one of my anticipated shows for this season just due to the premise and art alone. It really lighted up my weekend a lot. While it was a overshadowed by the bigger titles, I still believe that this show held on its own.

I was surprised when I heard that Yuichiro Umehara and Kotaro Nishiyama were reuniting as leads for a new anime; I loved them in School Babysitters and Boeibu! And then seeing other big names like Tomokazu Sugita, Jun Fukuyama and Hiro Shimono was a big factor for me to watch; Shouta Aoi is even there too! You can’t say no to a cast like that. I think they all did well in this anime. I just hope that Nishiyama gets more roles in the future; his voice is so soothing to listen to as it’s a mix of energetic and soft. Hopefully, this role will help catapult him into getting more work. He deserves it. If I had to pick a stand out of these five, I’d give it to Shimono for making adorable cat noises.

I was surprised when I learned A-1 was animating since they’re mainly known for action anime and not joseimuke/iyashikei anime like this. Despite that, it was surprisingly well-animated. I especially loved the color choices. I hope that A-1 gets the chance to animate more shows like this in the future; they have a knack for it.

Would I recommend this show? To anyone who wants to watch a feel-good slice of life comedy, I would totally recommend it.