#I at least hope this is welcoming to people ^^;

[nerdygirlramblings]

Hello! Ive been binging poly!141 and I keep coming back to your writing for my fix (because by now its basically an addiction😅)

I had this idea that the 141 are together with a civilian reader. And civilian reader works in retail, part time, and is mostly at home. Normally, they would be home by the time their boys came home, welcoming them with open arms, a hot plate of food, and time to rest and relax. But this time, the 141 get home early and realize where reader works: Walmart (or equivalent). Reader has been keeping this a secret cause they know its not cute like a coffee shop or cool. Its just their job. And now the most important men in their life know. Im thinking the 141 found out because they went grocery shopping and happened to come across reader or something similar to that.

I work at Walmart and it sucks🥲 thought that maybe something like this might help😅

Tysm, nonny! So happy to hear you like the writing. I hope this does your idea justice. (Walmart doesn't have stores in the UK, but they own ASDA.)

Also, thank you for my first request! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

pure fluff, bad accents (per usual)

Your boys find out you work part-time at ASDA on a random rainy Thursday in March.

You don't really need a job. All four of your lovers are officers with the British army. Prior to you, they all lived in base barracks. Prior to you, they lived fairly Spartan existences. Prior to you, most of their income sat in the bank, quietly accumulating.

They have plenty of money saved up that they love using to spoil you, when you let them. You know that if you asked, they'd give you everything, but you draw the line about asking them for an allowance like some tradwife. You want some pocket money of your own. Thus, the part-time job at the ASDA in town.

You're a people person, good at handling big personalities. You need to be to keep up with your boys. Between John's need for control, Simon's stoic dominance, Johnny's aggressive enthusiasm, and Kyle's blinding charisma, you aren't some shrinking violet. Within a week of your hire, your manager watches how you weather a nasty piece of work trying to demand concessions you aren't permitted to give and immediately puts you in customer service.

You're nearly unflappable in the face of frustrated pensioners and harried parents and entitled young professionals. Over and over, you're the one they call when a customer is going spare. Which is how your boys find out about your job.

They've been deployed for over two weeks, and you have no idea when they'll return. John had originally said they'd be gone for at least a month, so you aren't expecting them home any time soon. However, they'd come home much earlier than anyone thought, and they wanted to surprise you.

You're always so good about making the house feel like a home, with your bright smile and warm laughter, your home cooked food and soft touches in decor. You make them feel like people, not weapons, and they want to return the favor. This last deployment had been hard, and all four of your boys were missing your sweet voice and tender care. They wanted to show you that they loved and cared for you the way you always showed your love and care for them.

It was Johnny's suggestion to prep a meal for you as both a surprise and a thank you. After debrief, they pile into the car and decide to stop at ASDA for everything they need before heading home to surprise you. It's John who causes the code call.

You hear Susan's voice over the store-wide address system. "We could use a little Sunshine in the floral department." That's your cue. You finish with the pensioner at your till as Jacob, your manager, comes over to relieve you.

You take a deep breath and square your shoulders. In your experience, a Sunshine call in floral is a man angry the store doesn't have the fancy arrangements listed on the website. You wish the signage on the site would be more clear that the beautiful bouquets are online orders only. It would save you having to explain why the offers in store are so limited.

You hear him before you see him, smokey voice grumbling, "But if they show the bloody thing on the site as available, you should have it hear." You'd recognize the voice anywhere. He's not angry, not really, but Susan doesn't know that. Add in the sheer size of him, and Simon looming over his shoulder, it's no wonder she called for support.

You have never wanted to walk away from a situation as much as you want to right now, but before you can make an escape, Susan notices you over John's shoulder. Her little wave is enough for your men to notice, and they turn as one to see you coming towards them. Immediately their demeanor shifts. Simon's back sags as though his strings were cut, leaving him loose-limbed. John stands a little straighter, chin up as if to impress you. They've both broken out in smiles, though Simon's are only evidenced by the laugh lines you know to look for. It's only as you get close do they zero in on the badge on your shirt.

"I've got this, Susan," you say to your co-worker. "Jacob's on my till. Can you cover?"

Susan wrings her hands. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay and-"

"They're nothing I can't handle," you tell her, cutting off her worried rambles. There's a cheeky glint in your eye as you flick your gaze at your men. You clap your hands together and say, "Right, let's get this settled, then."

Susan takes one quick look between you and the now slightly less intimidating men and heads towards the front of the store.

Once she's out of earshot, John's face breaks into a frown. "What're you doing here, love?" He glances at your name on your chest again. "You work here?" He sounds almost hurt by the revelation. You can tell Simon wants to reach for you, and the only thing stopping him is you working.

You hear heavy footfalls behind you as Johnny's Scottish lilt reaches your ears. "Och, Cap! Ye said ye'd only be a moment. Gaz and I had a hell of a time getting the trolley on its lift ta find ye. How hard is it to buy bon..." His question dies on his lips as you turn around. "Bonnie?" He, too, sounds hurt to find you working here.

You can see Kyle over Johnny's shoulder, confusion written across his features. This is not how you wanted your boys to find out about your job, if you ever wanted them to actually find out. You thought maybe you'd surprise them with tickets to Hereford FC's opening game in a few months. And if they asked how you afforded them, you could handle this conversation then, but it's out of your hands now.

And as much as you don't want to have this conversation, especially not in the middle of the floral department, you can't stop the wide grin at seeing your boys again, home and whole.

"Hi, boys," you say, opening your arms. Disappointed he might be about finding you here, Johnny's no fool. He immediately steps into your embrace, and the others quickly follow suit. You're swallowed up by the smell and feel of them. The hug lasts one minute. Then two. Then they all slowly step back.

You can see the questions and cut them off before they get started. "I have another three hours before I'm off. We can talk at home, and I'll tell you anything you want to know."

John nods first. He recognizes your tone. You won't let them derail you for answers now, and they would be wasting their breath to try. "You heard the lady, lads. Let's get home."

They start to walk away when you tease, "Captain? Was there a reason you were arguing with Susan about the flowers?"

He halts his steps and turns to you, flush creeping up his neck. He brings his hand up to rub it as he says, "Er, I, we, wanted to get ya something nice, but they don't have the same ones as online."

You melt a little, watching the way your men shift nervously behind their captain. You smile softly and reach over, plucking a bouquet of rainbow poms from the rack. "These are what I usually get for myself when you're away."

John takes them gently from your hand and passes them to Gaz to put in the trolley. "We'll see you at home, love," he murmurs, leaning over briefly to kiss your cheek. Simon kisses the top of your head, fabric brushing your hair. Johnny pulls you in for another bruising hug and kisses your other cheek. Gaz puts his hands on your waist, drinking in the sight of you, before taking your hands in his and kissing your palms.

You watch them leave, wondering how you'll make it through the rest of your shift.

Three hours and fifteen minutes later, you cross the threshold of your shared home to the most delicious scents wafting from the kitchen. After slipping your shoes off next to the piles of boots at the door, you follow your nose back to the kitchen and the spread laid out on the large wood-topped island. There's a roast and mushy peas and mashed potatoes and stewed carrots and battered cod and crisps and spinach all surrounding the flowers you'd suggested, nestled in the vase you love most, the Caithness one Johnny'd bought you on your first trip with them to Scotland.

At the table, your men sit, plates made for everyone, waiting on you. They've changed since you saw them. Gone are any traces of fatigues and tactical gear. Instead they're all in casual civvies, truly home for the first time in nearly three weeks. Simon stands as you come in and pulls out your chair, smile on his scarred lips. "Come sit, doll," he tells you, not quite an order.

You look quickly around. "Let me change," you say, tugging at your uniform top. "I won't be but a minute." You back out of the room before they can stop you. You hurry to your bedroom, pulling your top off as you go. Once behind the door, you slip from your trousers into comfortable leggings and a large jumper, one of Kyle's you think.

By the time you make it back to the kitchen, your men are more than a little antsy. Simon's smile is a little strained, Johnny is fidgeting, Kyle keeps glancing between you and John, and John is staring at you. Your chair is still out. He waves a hand at it, and gently says, "Come sit, love." It's couched as request, but you know a command from your lover when you hear it.

You take your seat at the table. "Listen-" you start, but John cuts you off.

"Are we not providing for ya, love?" You see the hurt in his eyes, how much it bothers him to think he, they, aren't doing enough for you.

"Oh, John, dear, no!" you reply, putting your hand over his on the table. "It's not that at all."

"Then what?" Simon asks.

You look at them all, the expectant faces waiting to hear how they failed you. "I get restless sometimes. I love you, and I love our life. I'm happy to take care of the house and make sure you're all fed after a long day. But I wasn't built for sitting around doing nothing. I like people; being home on my own all day can get lonely. Especially when you're deployed. I also like having my own pocket money."

John opens his mouth, and you know what he's about to say, so you continue. "I know you'd give me any money I need or want, but I like having my money. Money I earned myself." You look around at them, willing them to understand. "It's only part time. Helps me keep a little busy and have a little extra to spoil you and me with."

Johnny is frowning, but you see Kyle, head cocked, looking at you as a puzzle. "I think I understand," he says softly. "You were making you way just fine before us, and you gave up everything for us."

At his words, the crease between John's brow deepens, and you're sure he's remembering the job you had, that you'd somewhat enjoyed, when you'd first met them. You'd been working at RAF Lakenheath, living in a cozy flat in Cambridge, near The Backs, when the 141 had been coming through the base after an op. An injury had put Kyle in the med center for a week, and while he could have been transported to Hereford once stable, Laswell had worked it out for the whole team to have some R&R near the base.

You'd quite literally run into John one day, rushing to your office, after which he suggested lunch as an apology. You quickly became close with all four, smitten with them from the start. In turn, they fell hard for you. They wooed you over the course of several weeks, stopping through Lakenheath on deployments to spend some time with you. Six months in and you were completely gone on all four of them, so when they'd asked you to move to Hereford, you did without ever looking back. But it meant giving up the life you'd led.

Somewhere along the way, your happiness overshadowed all you'd left behind. After a few weeks, being home alone while your men worked started to feel isolating. You liked being a little busy, and there weren't enough projects around the house to keep you busy enough. You'd always been independent, but you didn't want to be stuck in a job with long hours anymore. You wanted to be home for your men. So you'd found the job at ASDA.

Kyle reaches over to where you hand is still on John's. "I'm sorry we didn't ask how you were coping us being gone all day," he says. He looks you in the eye as he continues. "I understand wanting to do something, wanting to be a little busy, and if this makes you happy, then I'm all for it, doll." He gives you a small smile and squeezes your and John's hand.

"Gaz is right," Simon rumbles. "We were so happy to have you here we didn't think about what you did all alone all day." He puts a heavy hand on your thigh, the warmth of him seeping through your thin leggings. "'m glad you have something to keep you from getting lonely."

"Sorry, hen," Johnny murmurs, just above a whisper. "We didnae think a' ye enough." You smile widely at him.

"Johnny, you think of me all the time. This isn't about neglect at all!" You try to catch his eye, but he's looking hard at the table in front of him. "You did nothing wrong, love," you tell him gently.

He looks at you, blue eyes bright. "Ye sure?" You've never seen him this nervous before, and you break a little.

"I'm sure love."

He smiles then, a little smile, but it brightens his face and shifts the mood in the room. You look at John who's been surprisingly quiet this whole time.

He's smiling, but it's a little sad. "I know ya said we didn't do anything wrong, but we feel like we did. We didn't notice you were bored, didn't ask if you were lonely." He flips his hand over under yours and threads your fingers with his. "Yer giving us a gift by not blaming us, and we'd be stupid not to take it, even though it feels like yer giving us an out. Thank you." He brings your hand to his lips and kisses it softly.

"Thank you. I was worried you'd be mad," you admit.

"Never could make us mad with something like this, hen," Johnny reassures you. "I'm sorry we had to spoil your day is all."

You turn back to look at the food on the island. "You didn't spoil my day. You made it. You're home early, and you made such a lovely spread. I think we should tuck in, yeah?"

Simon chuckles. "Point made, doll," he says, scooping a heaping helping of mash onto his fork. The rest take it as a sign to start eating too.

The room is silent save for the sounds of food savored until John pipes up, "Why'd ya come to florals, love? We might have missed ya altogether if not for that."

You giggle. "The sunshine call, John."

"Yeah?" He clearly doesn't understand.

"It's the shop call for a difficult customer. When I'm on shift, it's my job to handle those." You look at each of your lovers in turn. "Seems I've got a knack for dealing with muppets," you tell them with a smirk.

[hamilando]

ੈ✩ final island (smau) ੈ✩

pairing : lando norris x reader

tw : fluff; suggestive, tiny tiny angst, jealousy love island coupling, mentions of other celebs as cast,

fc : Jung HoYeon

a/n : I REALLY HOPE Y’ALL LIKE THIS, THIS IS THE FINALE OF LOVE ISLAND

·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ

liked by user1, user2 and 2,465,926 others

loveislanduk AND THEY WERE DUNKED ! EP IS OUT NOW !

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user1 BAHAHA JUDE GETTING DUMPED IN WATER

user2 when yn was asked to name the most attractive guy in the island and she didn’t even take a second to respond to lando’s name -

user3 the episode was just yn ignoring Jude for the 100th time

user4 shout out to Lando’s partner, she knows he is taken and is respectfully maintaining her distance

user5 Lando and her are so cute friends

user6 can’t believe instead of grafting, the girl is giving tips on how to sneak to meet yn-

user7 JUDE CANT EVEN GET Y/N’S FAVOURITE COLOUR WHILE LANDO HAS LITERALLY MEMORISED “Pantone 1617-TCX Burgundy”

user8 can’t believe the finale is here 😭

user9 I DONT WANT THIS TO END

user10 just propose already lando

liked by user1, user2 and 3,126,927 others

loveislanduk MOVIE NIGHT BEFORE THE FINAL RECOUPLING

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user1 LANDO ASKED YN TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND

user2 WHILE SHE PAIRED WITH JUDE -

user3 now this is what I am paying my bills for

user4 SHE SAID YESSSS

user5 the look on the girls- they are all so happy for her

user6 judes sulking so much

user7 as he should !!

user8 but fr, the way jude has been cheating, thank God is was all shown in the video

user9 the girl talk on thong size-

user10 the embarrassed faces of the girls 🔝

liked by user1, user2 and 2,365,245 others

loveislanduk YN CHOSE LANDO !!

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user1 we are going to pretend it was a surprise?

user2 he literally asked her out

user3 the tears of joy of finally being together

user4 NO MORE JUDE

user5 the hug made me feel good lonely i am

user6 they make me believe reality shows aren't that bad

user7 i swear they are going to win

user8 as much as they might win, i think the other couple might win

user9 true, they didn't have much drama ( THANKS JUDE )

user10 well at least they are together!!!

liked by user1, user2 and 1,347,378 others

lando that 50k is going to the bachelor party

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user1 THEY WON

user2 I HAVE NEVER SEEN LANDO CRY SOO MUCH

user3 THEY WAY LANDO IMMEDIATELY Kept THE BALL, SAYING HE CHOSE YN OVER MONEY

charlesleclerc welcome to the paddock yn!!!

liked by lando

user4 NEW WAG IN THE HOUSE !!!

user5 it was all over too soon

user6 LANDO PLEASE BUY SHIRTS

user7 yn, please buy him shirts

user8 I swear I have forgotten the last time I saw him with a shirt

user9 their height difference is cute, idk why people not talk about it

user10 YN IS TALLER THAN LANDO 😭

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sojuyn 4 months with my number 4

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[goldfades]

a bengal welcome | JOE BURROW⁹ [009]

free palestine carrd 🇵🇸 decolonize palestine site 🇵🇸 how you can help palestine it's crucial that we stand in solidarity with those who need our support. right now, the people of palestine are facing unimaginable hardship, and it's up to all of us to do what we can to help. whether it's raising awareness, donating to relief organizations, or supporting calls for justice and peace, every action counts. we can amplify their voices, shed light on their struggles, and work towards a future where every individual can live with dignity and freedom. your support can make a difference! FREE PALESTINE!

MASTERLIST

⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 1.3k

⟢ ┈ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | bengals meeting hayes for the first time!

⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | nothing but fluff!

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐇𝐔𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐒 𝐉𝐎𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄, one hand steady on the wheel, the other resting lazily on the console between you. Hayes was securely strapped into his car seat in the back, his tiny fists waving in the air like he was orchestrating a symphony.

"You sure we’ve got everything?" Joe asked, glancing at you as you double-checked the baby bag for the third time.

"Diapers, wipes, formula, bottles, extra clothes, his favorite blanket," you listed off, zipping the bag shut with a decisive tug. "Yep, I think we’re good. Unless Hayes has something catastrophic planned, but let’s pray he doesn’t."

Joe chuckled under his breath. “He’s my kid. Odds aren’t great.”

You shot him a playful glare, leaning back in your seat. “Well, let’s hope he takes after me in the ‘not causing chaos’ department.”

The spring sun streamed through the windows, the light dancing over Joe’s profile. He wore a casual hoodie and a cap pulled low, but the little flickers of excitement in his eyes gave him away. Despite his laid-back demeanor, you knew he was looking forward to this.

It wasn’t just any gathering—it was the first time Joe’s teammates would be meeting Hayes, and Ja’Marr had insisted on hosting a little welcome-baby party at his place. You could already picture the chaos waiting for you there, with half the Bengals ready to turn a simple gathering into an impromptu celebration.

“I bet Ja’Marr has some wild decorations,” you said, watching the scenery pass outside.

“Guaranteed,” Joe replied with a smirk. “He texted me a picture of a balloon arch at like 2 a.m. last night.”

You laughed, imagining Ja’Marr staying up late to perfect the setup. “Well, at least he’s taking his duties as ‘honorary uncle’ seriously.”

The drive passed quickly, and before you knew it, Joe was pulling into Ja’Marr’s driveway, which was lined with cars and a few oversized SUVs that you recognized as belonging to other players. Sure enough, there was a massive balloon arch at the entrance, spelling out Welcome Baby Hayes! in bold, glittering letters.

“Subtle,” Joe muttered, grinning as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

You glanced back at Hayes, who was wide-eyed and babbling nonsense to his stuffed tiger. “Alright, baby boy,” you said softly. “Let’s go meet Dad’s other family.”

Joe grabbed the baby bag while you carefully lifted Hayes out of his car seat, holding him close as the two of you walked up to the door. The second you stepped inside, the noise hit—a chorus of cheers and shouts greeting you like a wave.

“There he is!”

“Joey B and Baby B!”

“Look at this little guy!”

The Bengals were in full force, a mix of giant smiles, loud voices, and open arms. Ja’Marr was the first to approach, grinning ear to ear as he took in the sight of Hayes.

“Man, he’s even smaller than I thought,” Ja’Marr said, bending down slightly to get a better look. “What’s up, little guy? I’m your Uncle Ja’Marr. You’re gonna hear a lot about me.”

Hayes blinked at him, his tiny face scrunching up like he wasn’t sure how to feel about the towering man in front of him.

“Give him some space, Chase,” Tee Higgins joked, nudging Ja’Marr aside. “You’re probably scaring the poor kid.”

“Scaring him?” Ja’Marr shot back, feigning offense. “I’m the most likable guy in the room.”

You laughed, adjusting Hayes in your arms as Joe stepped in beside you, offering nods and grins to his teammates. “He’s already used to noise, trust me,” you said.

As the party got underway, the team took turns fawning over Hayes. Sam Hubbard tried to cradle him like a football, earning a sharp “don’t even think about it” from you, while Evan McPherson made Hayes giggle with a silly face. Even the usually stoic players softened around your baby, their towering frames and booming voices taking on a gentle edge.

“He’s got your baby blues,” Tyler Boyd remarked to Joe, who had settled next to you on the couch, looking proud and a little overwhelmed by all the attention.

“Yeah,” Joe said, glancing at Hayes with a faint smile. “He’s a good mix of both of us, though.”

You smiled, leaning into Joe’s side as Hayes cooed and wiggled in your lap. It was chaos, sure, but the good kind—the kind that made you feel surrounded by love and warmth.

The party buzzed on, filled with warm chatter and soft laughter, but Joe��s focus never wavered. Hayes had become the star of the show, passed around like a delicate treasure as each of Joe’s teammates clamored for a turn to hold him.

“Alright, my turn,” Tee Higgins declared, holding out his arms.

You glanced at Joe, who was standing just a few steps away, his shoulders tense as if Hayes might suddenly sprout wings and fly out of someone’s grip.

Tee chuckled. “Relax, man. I’ve got nieces and nephews. I know what I’m doing.”

Joe hesitated, his jaw tightening before he finally nodded. “Just… make sure his head’s supported.”

“Got it, Dad,” Tee replied with a teasing grin. He carefully scooped Hayes out of your arms, holding him securely. “See? No problem.”

Joe crossed his arms, his eyes glued to Hayes like a hawk watching its prey. His lips pressed into a thin line every time Hayes wiggled or let out a tiny noise.

“You’re gonna burn a hole into Tee’s face if you keep staring like that,” you whispered to Joe, nudging him lightly.

“He’s fine,” Joe muttered, though his feet shifted as if he were ready to lunge at any moment.

Ja’Marr sidled up beside him, clapping him on the back. “Man, you’ve gotta chill. Hayes is cool. Tee’s not gonna drop him.”

“Yeah, I know,” Joe replied quickly. But his body language said otherwise, every muscle taut as he watched Tee sway gently with Hayes, making goofy faces that earned a few soft coos from the baby.

As the night went on, each teammate took their turn. Evan, with his steady kicker’s hands, rocked Hayes expertly, drawing a rare smile from Joe. Even the defensive linemen, whose hands were more accustomed to crushing quarterbacks than cradling babies, handled Hayes with surprising gentleness.

Sam leaned down to whisper something to Hayes, his voice soft but gruff. “Alright, little guy. In a few years, we’ll get you in pads, yeah?”

“Over my dead body,” Joe shot back, his voice sharp enough to draw a laugh from the room.

You couldn’t help but smile as you watched Joe. His protectiveness wasn’t new, but seeing it in action with Hayes added a new layer to the man you already loved. There was something endearing about the way he hovered, his eyes darting from one set of hands to the next, his whole demeanor a mixture of pride and quiet panic.

Finally, Ja’Marr got his turn, holding Hayes with a confidence that rivaled Joe’s own. “See? This is how you do it,” he said, rocking Hayes like a natural.

Joe didn’t respond, but his eyes stayed locked on Hayes, his lips twitching every time the baby shifted.

“Alright, alright,” Ja’Marr teased, handing Hayes back to you. “Before Joey B has a heart attack.”

Joe exhaled audibly as Hayes was safely returned to your arms. He stepped closer, his hand brushing against Hayes’s back as if to reassure himself.

“He was fine, you know,” you said softly, smiling up at him.

“I know,” Joe murmured, his hand lingering. “But he’s… I just don’t like being too far from him.”

Your heart softened at his words, and you leaned into his side, letting Hayes settle comfortably between you.

“Welcome to fatherhood,” you said with a grin.

Joe finally relaxed, his arm draping over your shoulders as he pressed a kiss to your temple. “Yeah,” he said quietly, his gaze still on Hayes. “I think I’m getting the hang of it.”

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

A Curse [Chapter 2: Harbor Gateway]

A/N: Thank you for the warm welcome you have given this series!!! I am sick with bronchitis currently so this has been a big bright spot in an otherwise miserable week 😅 I can't wait to show you where this story is going, I hope you're ready for it 🥰💜

Series summary: You are an aspiring actress. Aegon is a washed-up and disenchanted agent...at least until he sees something special in you. But within paradisical seaside Los Angeles you find terrible dangers and temptations, secrets and lies. Maybe Aegon's right; maybe the City of Angels really is a curse.

Chapter warnings: Language, a tiny bit of sexual content (18+ readers only), age-gap relationship, entertainment industry misogyny, some body dissatisfaction/dysmorphia, ice cream, judgmental parents, aggressive Akitas, we're literally in Minnesota!!!

Word count: 6.1k

💜 All my writing can be found HERE! 💜

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Afterwards, Mason pulls his clothes back on as you are absentmindedly drawing stars in the steam on the windows of his Chevy Silverado. On the other side of the glass is inky Minnesota night, a full moon dissolving away, glowing freckles of constellations. You’re staying with your parents and Mason has roommates, so the truck was the expedient choice. It was good, not that you finished; you didn’t say anything, he didn’t ask, but even if he had you would have told him not to worry about it. It can take forever, especially with an audience. You’d rather wait until you’re alone.

Mason glances down at the used condom on the floor of his Silverado, hastily discarded, viscerally slick in a way that becomes sickening in the letdown, as the endorphins and the adrenaline slip away and the blood pumps slow and unclouded. He smirks as he asks: “You sure you don’t want to get back on the pill?”

You sigh, drawing another star. You are still naked and sprawled across the back seat, glistening with sweat in the moonlight. “Well I tried three different prescriptions and had three miserable experiences, and I’m really not interested in playing side effect roulette again. And I can’t risk my skin going insane and random bleeding when I’m running around all over L.A. trying to get parts.”

“What about that little sperm assassin T-shaped thing?”

You look at him. “An IUD?”

“Yeah.”

You wince, engraving another star into the steam on the window. “I don’t think I like the idea of having a piece of metal shoved up inside me.”

He laughs. “But you’ll get silicone implants?”

You shrug; you can’t deny the irony. “I don’t need an IUD to be an actress.”

“Look, I’m not complaining about the tits thing,” Mason says, holding up his hands. “Obviously I’d enjoy them too. And you’d still have them when you move home, so it’s not a waste even if the acting thing doesn’t work out.”

You already know he feels this way, and yet still, it hurts. “When I move home?”

He smiles and crawls back on top of you, his Carleton College hoodie whispering against your belly and chest, soft royal blue cotton on damp skin. He had been a Political Science and International Relations major who took Theater Arts 195: Acting Shakespeare for an arts credit. He was beyond terrible and had no appreciation for the field whatsoever, but he was tall and strong and jolly, an earnest corn-fed Midwestern boy, and when one day after class he’d asked if he could take you to Culver’s for a burger and frozen custard, you’d said yes.

Here and now, in the back seat of his Chevy Silverado, Mason kisses your forehead. Then he ghosts his thumb over the ridge of your orbital socket and cheekbone, where your dark glittery eyeshadow has smudged like a spreading bruise: Galaxy by Anastasia Beverly Hills, Elysian by Natasha Denona. “I’m not saying you aren’t good. But how many people on this planet get to be movie stars? It’s just not realistic. And it’s about so much more than talent. It’s about who you know, and luck, and chemistry, and looks, and a bunch of other things that are mostly out of your control. You’re never going to be the type of girl who’s an influencer or winning Miss America, you’re just not. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t very, very pretty. And I loved you anyway.”

Loved, past tense. You and Mason stopped using that word a year ago; now the nostalgia is painting memories like the walls of an old house. His memories, anyway. You sit up and start yanking on your clothes: oversized yellow Santa Monica crewneck, black sweatpants with elastic cuffs at the ankles. “I think I’m going to get the gummy bear implants.”

Mason licks his lips. “Yum.”

“They’re a type of silicone, but they’re supposed to feel more natural and be less dangerous if they rupture.”

“Will you have scars?” he says as if the notion has just occurred to him, troubled, perhaps a little revolted.

“Well yeah, they have to end up under my skin somehow.”

Mason shudders, then he has another thought. “Who’s going to take care of you after surgery when you’re all sore and zonked out on opioids?”

“My roommate Baela said she would. She’s had friends who have gone through it already.”

“Okay, good. I wouldn’t want you to be alone out there.” Mason touches the back of your head, a quick fond gesture. He’s the only man you’ve ever been with, and even that took a while, months of trying to envision him undressing you before you were sure you could do it without flinching, without being afraid or shy or bewildered. But in the end it had been easy, always easy, which is why you keep coming back to him like a comet. Your elliptical orbit takes you far away and then close again, and such natural patterns are effortless to keep.

You say, the edges of your lips curling into a furtive smile: “I’m definitely not alone.”

Mason groans. “You’re going to hook up with that new agent guy, aren’t you?”

“What? No! No way, he has a fiancée.”

He rolls his eyes, but he’s more amused than annoyed. “Okay, whatever.”

“You know I don’t date anyone.” Which is why each time you’re home visiting, Mason gets a text: Want to get lunch at Culver’s? or Can you drive me to Target? or Pick me up around 9 p.m.?

Mason smirks and taunts: “I don’t know, with the way you talk about him you sound kind of obsessed.”

“I’m just grateful. Someone finally gave me a chance.” You look to the window; the steam and your hand-drawn stars have evaporated away. “And yeah, he’s interesting and he’s cute, and he’s kind of mean but then unexpectedly caring sometimes, and I think he’s one of those people who are really good at what they do but only when they’re inspired…but that doesn’t mean I’m into him romantically.” A pause. “And even if I was, there’s no harm in a super-secret, one-sided crush.”

“Okay. Have fun with all the adulterous sex.”

You chuckle. “Thanks, but that is not the plan.” You slip on your flip-flops, shimmy out of the back seat, and trot around the Silverado to the passenger’s door. Mason climbs into the driver’s seat and turns his key in the ignition. You ask: “What happened to that ballerina girl who was in your Instagram stories for a while?”

“Had to ghost her, she got super clingy and controlling. She was texting me at work all the time and got pissed off when I was putting a ton of hours into that election thing for CNN.” Mason is a political analyst. He turns to you. “You ever feel like people are the best versions of themselves before you really know them? Then you get too close and all the cracks start showing.”

“I think people are wonderful. You just have to find the ones you click with.”

“I should have figured you’d say something like that.” He steers his truck out of the otherwise empty parking lot in Lac Lavon Park. “I’m looking forward to you being home again.”

“I’m not.”

You both laugh, and then Mason drives you to your parents’ house.

At the dining room table, Mom and Clara are researching wedding venues, vast countryside estates and metropolitan historic hotels. Clara got engaged two weeks ago during a vacation to Turks and Caicos. In the living room, Dad and Tripp are watching commentary on the NBA Finals. Tripp’s name isn’t really Tripp; he is the third James in a row, named after your father and grandfather, and Tripp is short for triple. All over the house, there are Akitas lolling in plush dog beds and clicking around on Brazilian Cherry hardwood floors. They have faces like teddy bears, but their dark eyes track you mistrustfully, as if you are an intruder.

No one asks where you have been. They barely acknowledge that you are back. “Hello, dear,” your mother calls distractedly from the dining room, and that’s all. You jog upstairs to the bathroom you share with Clara before anyone can notice your smeared makeup and the unsavory post-car-sex sweat gleaming on your skin. You get into the shower, turn on water so hot it is nearly scalding, and close your eyes. With your back pressed to the jade green tiles, your hand wanders down over your belly and stops between your legs. Your mind cycles through fantasies, but nothing seems to be working.

It’s not real. It can’t hurt anybody.

You imagine that Aegon is the one touching you, and in under a minute it’s over.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I want there to be horses,” Clara says, scrolling through her phone and ignoring the food on her plate: roast chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, green beans sauteed in garlic and olive oil, panzanella salad. Mom prepared it all herself, not because there was no help available—your parents have a housekeeper named Angela who comes by several days per week��but to prove she could. In the living room are shelves heavy with books by Martha Stewart, Ina Garten, Cat Cora, Julia Child, Nigella Lawson. You hear echoes of ambient clicking, Akitas meandering down hallways and staircases.

“Horses?!” Tripp replies with a mouthful of mashed potatoes, gesturing to the sliding glass door. “Don’t you get enough horses in your everyday life? Don’t you have like five right out there?” Your parents’ house sits on ten acres of land, including a barn and several paddocks for Clara’s rescued Thoroughbreds.

“I want beautiful horses,” Clara insists. “Unusual, photogenic, so they can be in the background of all the photos. Maybe Friesians or Haflingers?”

“I’m not sure we can sort the venues by types of horses available, dear,” Mom says. All that’s on her own plate is a heap of green beans and a few pieces of skinless white meat chicken.

Clara moans and drops her face into her hands. “It’s so overwhelming!”

“You’ll find a place you like, Clara Bear,” Dad says mildly, painstakingly slicing meat off a drumstick with his fork and knife.

“And Owen is no help at all. Every time I ask for his opinion he just tells me to do whatever I think is best, but I don’t know what’s best, that’s why I’m asking him!”

Your mother pats Clara’s shoulder reassuringly. “Guys don’t care about weddings,” Tripp says, twisting around in his chair to see the television in the living room. On a rerun of E! News, the hosts are discussing Chris Hemsworth’s rigorous fitness regime and Meghan Trainor’s “mommy makeover.” You peek under the tablecloth. One of the Akitas, Yuki, is glaring as she waits for you to drop something for her to eat.

“You could do something like that,” Mom says to you, and you realize you haven’t been listening to the conversation.

“Sorry, do what?”

“You could be a wedding planner or a real estate agent. Those are actual careers, but there’s more creativity involved, isn’t there? And didn’t you take a design class in college? That would certainly come in handy.”

“Hm,” your father says with a frown, still dissecting his chicken. He would rather you go to law school like Tripp. You would rather lie down in traffic.

“I took a set design class, Mom. Because I was studying how to be an actress. And that’s what I’m doing right now in Los Angeles, trying to be an actress.”

“You could become an architect!” Mom bursts out with sudden enthusiasm. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

You titter evasively. “I can’t draw, Mom. Or use the modeling software, or do math.”

“You know, you don’t need any specific degree to get into law school,” Tripp says, and your father gives him a nod of approval. “You could have majored in dance or bagpiping or Egyptology, it doesn’t matter. All they want is a high undergrad GPA and a 168+ LSAT score, and I bet you could get that if you studied. You can even retake the test a few times if you need to.”

“Why do you do that?” Clara snaps at him. You eat your panzanella salad and pretend not to be listening. Beneath the tablecloth, Yuki growls. You toss her a few cubes of Italian bread so she won’t bite you.

Tripp shovels mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Do what?”

“Why are you always wasting your time trying to convince her to grow up and get a real job? If she wants to embarrass herself, let her. I have problems that I’m trying to solve, so how about applying yourself to those instead?”

“Are you serious? You think I should be calling around to wedding venues asking about their selection of exotic draft horses?”

Clara aggressively stabs at her green beans with her fork. “Fuck off, Tripp.”

“Hey, hey, kids, no swearing,” your mother says. “It’s Father’s Day. Be respectful.”

Dad turns to you. “You could be an entertainment lawyer, how about that? You could work in intellectual property or negotiating contracts.”

You smile warily. “I’ll think about it, Dad.”

Clara says to your parents: “Well I hope all the money you’re throwing out the window to support her in California isn’t coming out of my wedding fund.”

You close your eyes and think: I can’t spend my life in a cubical. I can’t spend every minute of every day trying to forget who I am.

“Shh, shh,” your mother pleads, rubbing the back of Clara’s clenched hand. “You will get exactly what we promised you, that amount is still set aside for your wedding. Nothing she does affects you.”

“And it’s only until the end of the year,” your father adds. “Then the vacation is over.” Then the meager allowance they are funneling to you will stop and you will be ordered to return home to pursue an honorable course of existence. You have six months to succeed in Hollywood, or the dream dies.

Your father is now asking Tripp about his summer associate position at Latham & Watkins in Chicago. Your mother is advising Clara to get a wedding dress with a corset back so it can be adjusted in the event she gains or loses weight at the last minute. Underneath the table, Yuki is growling again; she noses your knees threateningly.

“I got an agent,” you say, and everyone looks at you.

“Really?” Mom asks, sounding a little perplexed.

“Who is it?” Dad says.

“Aegon Targaryen. He has a small office in Elysian Park.”

“Oh, I think I recognize the last name.”

“His family is in the industry.” You are beaming; you can feel the heat rising in your face. “But Aegon kind of does his own thing and tries to stay out of the limelight. He was an actor when he was my age. And I guess he thinks I can get roles, so that’s really exciting.”

Your mother seems concerned as she nibbles at a shred of white meat. “Is he an older man?”

“Not that much older. He’s thirty-five.”

“Well, be careful, darling,” your father says gravely. “Who knows what his intentions are.”

Clara evidently agrees. “Men can be so creepy. I had this one professor in pharmacy school who cheated on his wife with one student, then cheated on her six months later with a different student. And then he retired to Boca Raton and was never heard from again.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Tripp says to your father. “We read about Clinton v. Jones in torts class, it was wild, I didn’t know he was such a freak even before the Monica Lewinsky thing…”

After dinner, while your father and Tripp are flipping through television channels in the living room and Clara is upstairs on the phone with Owen, you go to the kitchen where your mother is washing dishes in a bubble-filled sink. Again, she doesn’t have to do this; Angela will be here to clean the house tomorrow. But it’s part of being a perfect homemaker, and if she’s not good at this then she’s not good at anything.

She glances over when she hears you come in. “Did you get an appointment with one of the doctors your father recommended?”

“I did, yeah. I have a consultation on Friday.” You lean against the marble countertop and cross your arms so you don’t fidget nervously. From a dog bed on the floor, Mochi glowers at you. “Do you think I should get the surgery?”

She shrugs; you’re not certain if she is more indecisive or apathetic. “Your cousin Madison had a nose job the summer before college. Your old classmate Emma got a blepharoplasty and then met her husband three months later. Practically all of my friends have had breast augmentations, and I’ve certainly never regretted mine. I think if you’re going to get anything fixed, it makes sense to pick that.”

You try again to elicit a strong opinion, whether an endorsement or objection. “I don’t think I’d want to do it if I didn’t feel like it was necessary to be an actress.”

“Well, regardless of whatever you have going on in California, you’ll either have to get them done now or after you have children,” Mom says. “I love you and Clara and Tripp, but you destroyed my body. At least doctors can repair breasts. My bladder is still useless.”

You stare at Mochi distractedly. The dog huffs, unwelcoming. “What was the recovery like?”

“Oh, hell,” your mother says. “But once you heal up it’s worth it. I can wear square necklines and strapless dresses again.”

“Technically, you could have worn whatever you wanted.”

She gives you an impatient look, a you’re too old for that sort of frustration. “No one wants to see some sad flabby woman.” She is including your father in this statement. You remember being home for Thanksgiving Break during your freshman year at Carleton and inadvertently stumbling upon emails from one of the hospital interns when you used his laptop to buy movie tickets: indecent inuendoes, flirtatious photos, no smoking gun but certainly more than was appropriate between colleagues. You had tried to tell your mother, and she had deflected over and over again until you realized that she didn’t want to know; it was easier to be carried by the currents of momentum than to rock the boat until it sank. “This agent of yours…is he celebrating Father’s Day with his family?”

“No, Aegon lost his dad when he was in college.”

“That must have been difficult,” she says vaguely as she scrubs a pot with a green Scotch-Brite dish wand. Your parents are now at the age when their friends have begun to succumb to strokes and heart disease and cancers, and the lurking specter of mortality both horrifies and fascinates them. “What did he die of?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Mom?!” Clara shouts from upstairs. “Osaka is puking in the hallway!”

Your mother sighs and dries her hands on a dish towel, then leaves you alone in the kitchen. You linger there for a while, listening to the faint drone of CNN from the living room television, then leave the house through the sliding glass door in the dining room. Outside the sun is setting, and you gaze westward as the aging daylight turns the tall green grass and silhouettes of horses to gold like the mines that first brought settlers to California. You slide your phone out of the pocket of your denim shorts and take a photo, then post it to your Instagram story with the caption Home and a smiley face emoji.

A minute later, you receive a DM. Aegon has typed: This explains the big horse girl energy

You laugh and respond: They belong to my sister, I am personally very anti-horse

You hope he’ll continue the conversation. You don’t have to wait long. How’s Minnesota? Aegon asks.

You stop and consider how to answer, then decide not to overshare. Devoid of palm trees…but good!

There is a pause—perhaps thirty seconds—and then Aegon types: How’s the ex-boyfriend?

Is he curious or jealous? You smile. Still not standing in the way of anything :)

Aegon reacts with a heart emoji, then immediately switches it to a thumbs-up. You cannot ignore the wave of warmth and fondness and exhilaration that overwhelms you. Logically, you know he’s engaged to another woman. Emotionally, it doesn’t seem relevant.

You think: It’s just a crush. It can’t hurt anybody.

Then you remember what your mother asked, and as you stand outside in the fading dusk light you Google Aegon’s father Viserys Targaryen. He has his own Wikipedia page. You scroll to the bottom, where it reads in nondescript black letters: On October 27, 2009, Targaryen passed away at his Malibu residence after a long illness.

~~~~~~~~~~

You have just finished ringing up a Like It-sized Apple Pie A La Cold Stone when Josh says: “Hey, there’s an old guy asking for you.”

“What?” You look towards the ice cream freezer and there he is, dark jeans, green Nike Killshots, a yellow Hawaiian shirt that’s too big for him. “It’s my agent!” you shout as you rush over to meet him, loud enough that everyone in the shop turns to stare.

“Shh,” Aegon says, but he’s laughing.

“What are you doing here?” you ask from behind the counter.

“I got some good news, and I wanted to tell you in person.”

“Cool! Should I make you ice cream first?”

“Um, sure.” Aegon surveys the menu of Signature Creations. He seems overwhelmed; he actually looks a little panicked.

“Are you usually a chocolate or vanilla person? Or peanut butter, or coffee? Or mint?”

“Strawberry,” Aegon says.

“Strawberry,” you echo, surprised. “Okay, I think you’ll like Our Strawberry Blonde.”

“Neat.”

“Because, you know, it has strawberries and you’re blonde.”

“Sounds literally perfect for me,” Aegon says, smiling.

“What size?”

“Uh…” He reads the labels on the cups in the display case. “The big one.”

“No, you have to say the real name.”

He chuckles. His cheeks are pink, his turbulent blue eyes sparkling. “I’m not saying that.”

“Then I’m not making you ice cream!”

He groans. “I want an Our Strawberry Blonde in the size Gotta Have It.”

“Cup, cone, or waffle cone bowl?”

“Stop asking me questions or you’re fired.”

“Waffle cone bowl,” you decide. Aegon studies you as you work, his head tilted thoughtfully to the side: scraping a mound of strawberry ice cream out of the freezer with your metal spatulas, taking it to the cold countertop, and smashing in graham cracker pie crust, caramel, fluffy whipped topping, and fresh strawberries. You use one of the spatulas to expertly scoop the mixture into a waffle cone bowl, not spilling a drop. Then you hand Aegon his ice cream and ring him up at the cash register. He pays in cash.

You ask Josh, the manager on duty, if you can take your fifteen-minute break now. He frowns. “I thought you were going to refill the yellow cake and Oreo cookie mix-ins first.”

“Hey,” Aegon says. He waves a ten-dollar bill in the air to show it to Josh and then dunks it in the tip jar. “Do it yourself.”

“Fine,” Josh mutters to you. “But you don’t get a second over fifteen minutes.”

There’s no time to waste. You hurry to a small table by the window. It’s 8:30 p.m., and outside the world is indigo-dark and threaded with inorganic sparks of headlights, streetlights, kaleidoscopic neon signs. Your eyeshadow is vibrant and pink, because no one cares about that when you work at an ice cream shop: Push by Natasha Denona, Coax by Urban Decay.

Aegon takes his first taste of his ice cream as he sits down in the chair across from you. “You were right, this is delicious. A bop, not a flop.” Then he notices the bruise on your right wrist. “What the hell happened to your hand?”

“Oh. One of the Akitas bit me. Don’t worry, I can cover it up with concealer.”

Aegon is irritated. “Why is your mother letting her Akitas bite you?”

“It was my fault. I forgot that Oni doesn’t like when people pet his feet.”

Aegon sighs, stirring his Our Strawberry Blonde. “You want some of this?”

“I can’t,” you say reluctantly.

He raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“I already had a little cup when I got here this afternoon so I have regrettably hit my ice cream quota for the day.” And then, when Aegon clearly does not approve: “I try not to restrict too much but obviously staying the same size takes effort. That’s not a disorder, it’s just reality.”

Aegon seems to debate arguing, then instead scoops up a heaping spoonful of ice cream and holds it out across the table. “Come on. It doesn’t count if it’s on my spoon.”

You smile sheepishly and open your mouth for him. Your lips close around the plastic spoon: coldness, sweetness, the grit of pulverized graham cracker pie crust, the infinitesimal black seeds of strawberries that catch between your teeth. When Aegon begins to pull it away, you grab his hand and don’t let go until you’ve licked the spoon clean. He laughs hysterically as he watches you. “I haven’t had strawberry ice cream in forever,” you say.

“Don’t tell me you’re a vanilla girl.”

“I am,” you confess. “I know the joke. But I really do always get the vanilla-adjacent flavors. Cookie dough, French vanilla, sweet cream, cheesecake…”

Aegon smirks playfully. “Pathetic.”

“So you’re an enlightened being because you eat strawberry ice cream.”

“Boring people like vanilla. Kids like chocolate. Interesting adults like strawberry.”

“Do you actually have good news for me or did you just come here to be a ghoul?”

“I got you a part.”

“What?!” you squeal, and people are gawking again. This time, Aegon doesn’t tell you to be quiet. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he replies, grinning like he can’t help it.

“A part in what?”

“It’s small,” Aegon warns. “It’s an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.”

You scream; Josh scowls at you from behind the counter. “Oh my God, no way, no way!”

“You’re going to be the wife of a guy the doctors kill with negligence. Three scenes, two are pretty short and unremarkable but then you get to yell at the surgeon in the last one. Gives you the opportunity to show some range and make an impression.”

You can’t believe this is happening. “They aren’t going to make me audition first?”

“Well…it’s very last-minute,” Aegon says. “The actress who was supposed to do it has a drug problem or something, I guess, so she ghosted and they were scrambling for a replacement. And I completely fabricated your credentials.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, I typed up a resume and sent it over and they loved it. So try not to talk about your actual experience because none of it will match.”

You shake your head, stunned, amazed. “What if they try to contact one of my alleged former employers?”

“Then they’ll be talking to Aemond, and he will lie and say you were an absolute pleasure to work with.”

Aemond Targaryen: Aegon’s younger brother, a screenwriter, a philanthropist, a well-respected entity in Hollywood, and you know this from the Googling that preceded your first meeting with Aegon last week. “And Aemond doesn’t mind helping you commit fraud?”

“It’s not a favor I call in very often.” Aegon finishes his ice cream, then begins breaking apart the waffle cone bowl and shoving shard-like pieces into his mouth.

“When’s the shoot?”

“Very very early on Thursday, that’s the bad news.” Thursday is two days from now. “So I’ll have to pick you up at your apartment at like 5 a.m.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be ready.”

He smiles, gnawing on a chunk of his waffle cone bowl. “I figured.”

“You’re going too?” The hope is unmistakable in your voice.

“Of course I’m going.”

“I didn’t think agents usually went to film shoots.”

“Well, fortunately for you, your agent is imminently fleeing Los Angeles and has already parted ways with most of his clients and really has nothing else going on besides hiding in his office and playing a Nintendo 64, so I figured I could make it. And also if I’m going to be enthusiastically recommending you to people, I should probably see you work at some point.”

You wiggle your eyebrows flirtatiously. “Do I get to make out with my fake husband?”

Aegon is amused. “From what I understand, you get to chastely kiss him once. They’re sending the script over to my office first thing in the morning, so you’ll only have a day to learn your lines.”

“That’s enough time. I’ll make it work.”

“Always so agreeable,” Aegon muses. So desperate is more like it.

Thursday. “Is the shoot just one day?”

“Yeah, they should be able to get everything they need from you on Thursday morning. Why?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday and I was just wondering if I’d have to reschedule it.”

Aegon is immediately vigilant. “What kind of appointment?”

“Uh…” You smirk guiltily. “It’s just a consultation. No slicing yet.”

“And you’re going to cancel that,” Aegon says flatly.

“Seriously?”

“Do you want implants because you want them or because you think other people want you to have them?”

You hesitate. “Both.” That’s probably a lie.

Aegon leans back in his chair and studies you. “Yeah, you’re cancelling that appointment.”

“Why?”

“Because when I agreed to sign you, you told me that you’d do anything I say. And I’m telling you to cancel it.”

“But why don’t you want me to get implants? Everyone gets implants.”

“Because once you begin to treat scalpels and needles as prescriptions for everything you don’t like about yourself—or everything that other people don’t like about you—it’s very difficult to stop. First it’s your tits, then it’s your eyes and your nose, then it’s your chin and your cheeks and your neck and your ass, and it’s just this revolving door of painful, dangerous, unnecessary procedures that are condemning you for being mortal, that are carving away your humanity one incision at a time. I’ve seen it happen to more people than I could count, and I don’t want it to happen to you. Because you seem very, very human, and I’d like you to stay that way. Which means you don’t cut yourself up because some agent or producer or casting director told you to.” Then he adds, perhaps as an afterthought: “And anyway, you don’t need implants.”

You smile, then reply quietly: “You’ve never seen me.”

Aegon grins. “I don’t care if you have twelve nipples under there like a fucking beagle, you don’t need plastic surgery.”

You both laugh, and the tension evaporates, and even if you don’t cancel the appointment—Aegon is one person, the entertainment industry is omnipotent and eternal—you are glad he seems to like you the way you are. Behind the counter, Josh is waving manically to get your attention and summon you to return to work. You pretend not to see him.

Aegon asks: “Why don’t you like horses?”

“They freak me out. They’re all teeth and legs and they’re huge, I’m always scared they’ll step on me.”

“Your dad’s a doctor, right? I thought all rich girls had horses.”

“Where I’m from, a lot of women ride horses to distract themselves from the fact that their husbands are riding their receptionists or interns. I’d rather have no horse and no awful cheating husband.” And Aegon stares at you and turns serious, because perhaps you’ve inadvertently addressed the elephant in the room: he has a fiancée, and neither of you are acting like she exists. You swiftly pivot. “I’ll make an exception for you, though.”

He appears startled. “What?”

“The Chinese zodiac. You’re a horse. So you’re the only horse I like.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.” Aegon chuckles uneasily and gets up to throw his trash away, then stands under the florescent lights with his hands in his pockets, his blonde hair falling out of its gel and hanging over his forehead. He gazes down at you pensively; you are still seated at the table. “When does your shift end?”

“I’m closing tonight, so I’ll be done around 10:30 or 11.”

“Okay. Can I come back to pick you up and drive you home?”

You are puzzled. “Why?”

He gestures to the inky dark window, incredulous. “Because obviously you shouldn’t be walking alone in Harbor Gateway at midnight? You know there was a shooting a block from here last week. I looked it up.”

“I walk home all the time.”

“You really need to stop doing that.”

“You are being very dramatic for a non-actor.”

“Listen, I can’t go to my house and try to fall asleep while I’m wondering if you’re getting mugged or murdered.”

You look at Aegon. He does seem genuinely worried. “You can drive me home.”

“Great. See you in two hours.” He strides away and shoves open the glass door; the little metal bells hanging there jingle.

“Aegon?”

He halts mid-step and turns around. “Yeah?”

“Does Becca know where you are right now?”

His face is some amalgamation of emotions you can’t read, and this is unusual.“Why do you think I paid in cash?”

And before you can reply, he’s gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

On Thursday, June 19th, Aegon picks you up in his white Chrysler Sebring convertible while the city is still asleep. The sky is dark, the streetlights passing by overhead, infinite pinpoint supernovas. There are hardly any other cars on the road. Aegon’s hair is a mess and his eyes are bleary; he’s sipping a Starbucks coffee with one hand and holding the steering wheel with the other. He is wearing a suit, but he still manages to look unpolished, his white shirt half-untucked and his black tie too skinny. He sets his coffee down in one of the cup holders and passes you something venti-sized and iced.

“I got you a vanilla latte, vanilla girl.”

“Aw, thanks! Skim milk?”

“Nope,” he says, smiling. You smile back and take a gulp of it, cold and sweet and bracing. “What’s your hype song?”

“I can’t tell you,” you say, embarrassed.

“Why not?”

“You’re going to terrorize me.”

“Don’t Stop Believing? Don’t Stop Me Now? I Gotta Feeling?”

“Lose Yourself.”

Aegon throws back his head and cackles, his hair flying in the wind. “That’s definitely a fireable offense. I’m ditching you the second we finish this shoot.” But he taps around on his phone and plugs in the aux, and then Eminem is thudding through the speakers as the Sebring sails north and the red-gold dawn rises on the horizon, a celestial message from the East Coast, an omen from the future.

Aegon drives you to Prospect Studios in Los Feliz, just east of Hollywood. Filming will be indoors on a soundstage. You spend what feels like forever in hair and makeup, and the costume designer—who had prepared for a different actress—dresses and redresses you over and over again, frowning at your chest and waist and thighs, and you have a sudden pang of nauseating panic and dread: I don’t belong here. What the fuck was I thinking?

Then you are in the scenes under intensely radiant artificial light, and just like it did in your roles back in Minnesota, the real world vanishes and all that exists are these characters, these moments, and your body and mind become theirs, and perhaps even your soul too. Your husband is handsome and kind, and here in this liminal fictional space you love him, and when the surgeons wheel him off to the operating room you are full of blind naïve surety. Then the doctors update you on his condition and you are still hopeful, but it becomes a fragile thing, like something that shatters when it’s dropped from a height. And then he is dead, he has been taken away from you, he has been stolen, and you are eclipsed by a blood-red wrath that is animalistic and unforgiving. After each take when you are ripped back through the veil and into reality, you can’t remember exactly what you did or said, and the director doesn’t have many critiques so you aren’t sure how it’s going.

But when it’s over, while you are still standing on the soundstage with the other actors, Aegon puts on his sunglasses and smiles at you from across the room; and you remember what he said outside his office on the day you first met—you are so bright, sunshine—and you know you’ve done a good job.

[bestanimal]

I can’t believe it. We’re finally here. Round 3 starts tomorrow (2/1), with our first poll dropping at 8 am EST.

Some notes:

Round 3 will be our biggest round yet, and I have 227 polls scheduled. That’s almost a year’s worth of polls. It should be obvious that not every Order is going to make it to Round 4. So you’re going to need to be more choosy this round. Be honest. Come here with a plan. Do a bit of research. Know your favs. This next round is covering Animal Orders. If your favorite animal is a Great White Shark you need to know that it’s a Lamniform. So you should make sure you’re only voting fav in the Lamniformes poll and not fav in the other shark polls. You can still vote love or like in those polls; that’s what those options are there for. But this round is going to require a bit more focus if we want a diverse roundup next year! If you’re someone who votes favorite in every poll, try to pick just one or two favorites from each class we’re covering. I would actually love if we could have at least one representative from each class moving forward. (That being said, don’t be afraid to reflect it in your vote if the descriptions and propaganda have you discovering new favorites! I’m kinda hoping for that here too!)

I can not state enough that this tournament relies on numbers. If you want your fav to move forward you have to make sure people see it. Reblog, post propaganda, etc. If you don’t have a large following, reblog the poll anyway, add some GOOD propaganda onto it, and then chances are I’ll reblog it which increases the chances of it getting seen again. Get your friends involved. If you know someone that only blogs about squids, tag them! This tournament is all about PASSION.

I had some complaints last round about missing some polls. These polls are all pre-scheduled. They post once a day, at 8am EST, and they’re open for 7 days. If you click on the tag #/Animal Polls while within my blog, you can see every poll in one place. I recommend doing that every so often so you don’t miss any of them! You can also turn on notifications or follow the blog via rss (but that also means your gonna be seeing asks, extra propaganda, and poll results as well.) On top of that, I will post a schedule of every single poll at the bottom of this post, under the read more. If there are polls you absolutely do not want to miss, put them in your calendar!

That being said, there is ONE BIG CHANGE this round. I am removing the hate option. I put the dislike and hate options there as a fun little mechanic to strategize and steal points from other people but uh… I’m ngl, it’s starting to Hurt My Feelings. Whoopsie. The dislike option will remain but I feel like hate is a bit too strong of an option to include. The fact that dislike, neutral, and simply not voting already detract points from the total seems like enough. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Still, as always, this is just a silly Tumblr tournament that doesn’t really matter in the long run. Nothing’s going to happen to the animals that make it to the next round and nothing’s going to happen to the animals that don’t, we’re just trying to figure out the most popular animal on Tumblr. If your favorite doesn’t make it, that’s okay! If anything, that just makes it, and you, all the more unique! And if it does? Welcome! You’ve found your people!

Poll Schedule under the read more

(Warning: It Big)

Polls will post once a day at 8am US EST.

Chondrichthyes:

Carcharhiniformes - Feb 1

Lamniformes - Feb 2

Orectolobiformes - Feb 3

Heterodontiformes - Feb 4

Squaliformes - Feb 5

Squatiniformes - Feb 6

Pristiophoriformes - Feb 7

Hexanchiformes - Feb 8

Myliobatiformes - Feb 9

Rajiformes - Feb 10

Rhinopristiformes - Feb 11

Torpediniformes - Feb 12

Chimaeriformes - Feb 13

Chondrichthyes Round-up and Mini Stat Post - Feb 20

Mammalia:

Monotremata - Feb 21

Didelphimorphia - Feb 22

Paucituberculata - Feb 23

Microbiotheria - Feb 24

Dasyuromorphia - Feb 25

Peramelemorphia - Feb 26

Notoryctemorphia - Feb 27

Diprotodontia - Feb 28

Macroscelidea - Mar 1

Afrosoricida - Mar 2

Tubulidentata - Mar 3

Proboscidea - Mar 4

Hyracoidea - Mar 5

Sirenia - Mar 6

Cingulata - Mar 7

Pilosa - Mar 8

Scandentia - Mar 9

Dermoptera - Mar 10

Primates - Mar 11

Lagomorpha - Mar 12

Rodentia - Mar 13

Eulipotyphla - Mar 14

Chiroptera - Mar 15

Pholidota - Mar 16

Carnivora - Mar 17

Perissodactyla - Mar 18

Artiodactyla - Mar 19

Mammalia Round-up and Mini Stat Post - Mar 26

Reptilia:

(I just want to give a heads up that there’s going to be an explosion of birds within the reptile polls and that’s not my fault; birds are just a lot more diverse than the other reptiles and you can blame how they’re classified)

Rhynchocephalia - Mar 27

Squamata - Mar 28

Testudines - Mar 29

Crocodylia - Mar 30

Struthioniformes - Mar 31

Tinamiformes - Apr 1

Rheiformes - Apr 2

Apterygiformes - Apr 3

Casuariiformes - Apr 4

Galliformes - Apr 5

Anseriformes - Apr 6

Phoenicopteriformes - Apr 7

Podicipediformes - Apr 8

Columbiformes - Apr 9

Mesitornithiformes - Apr 10

Pterocliformes - Apr 11

Cuculiformes - Apr 12

Otidiformes - Apr 13

Musophagiformes - Apr 14

Opisthocomiformes - Apr 15

Gruiformes - Apr 16

Charadriiformes - Apr 17

Caprimulgiformes - Apr 18

Nyctibiiformes - Apr 19

Steatornithiformes - Apr 20

Podargiformes - Apr 21

Aegotheliformes - Apr 22

Apodiformes - Apr 23

Phaethontiformes - Apr 24

Eurypygiformes - Apr 25

Gaviiformes - Apr 26

Procellariiformes - Apr 27

Sphenisciformes - Apr 28

Ciconiiformes - Apr 29

Suliformes - Apr 30

Pelecaniformes - May 1

Strigiformes - May 2

Accipitriformes - May 3

Coliiformes - May 4

Leptosomiformes - May 5

Trogoniformes - May 6

Bucerotiformes - May 7

Coraciiformes - May 8

Piciformes - May 9

Cariamiformes - May 10

Falconiformes - May 11

Psittaciformes - May 12

Passeriformes - May 13

Reptilia Round-up and Mini Stat Post - May 20

Cephalopoda:

Nautilida - May 21

Bathyteuthida - May 22

Idiosepida - May 23

Myopsida - May 24

Oegopsida - May 25

Sepiida - May 26

Spirulida - May 27

Vampyromorphida - May 28

Octopoda - May 29

Lissamphibia:

Anura - May 30

Urodela - May 31

Gymnophiona - Jun 1

Cephalopoda and Lissamphibia Round-up and Mini Stat Post - Jun 8

Actinopterygii:

Polypteriformes - Jun 9

Acipenseriformes - Jun 10

Amiiformes - Jun 11

Lepisosteiformes - Jun 12

Elopiformes - Jun 13

Albuliformes - Jun 14

Notacanthiformes - Jun 15

Anguilliformes - Jun 16

Hiodontiformes - Jun 17

Osteoglossiformes - Jun 18

Clupeiformes - Jun 19

Alepocephaliformes - Jun 20

Gonorynchiformes - Jun 21

Cypriniformes - Jun 22

Gymnotiformes - Jun 23

Siluriformes - Jun 24

Characiformes - Jun 25

Lepidogalaxiiformes - Jun 26

Argentiniformes - Jun 27

Esociformes - Jun 28

Salmoniformes - Jun 29

Osmeriformes - Jun 30

Stomiiformes - Jul 1

Galaxiiformes - Jul 2

Ateleopodiformes - Jul 3

Aulopiformes - Jul 4

Myctophiformes - Jul 5

Lampriformes - Jul 6

Percopsiformes - Jul 7

Polymixiiformes - Jul 8

Zeiformes - Jul 9

Gadiformes - Jul 10

Stylephoriformes - Jul 11

Trachichthyiformes - Jul 12

Stephanoberyciformes - Jul 13

Beryciformes - Jul 14

Cetomimiformes - Jul 15

Ophidiiformes - Jul 16

Batrachoidiformes - Jul 17

Gobiiformes - Jul 18

Kurtiformes - Jul 19

Scombriformes - Jul 20

Syngnathiformes - Jul 21

Ovalentaria (note: includes Cichliformes, Blenniiformes, Gobiesociformes, Cyprinodontiformes, and many others. If you don’t see your fav on the list it’s probably in this clade. I had to use Ovalentaria as it includes some families with uncertain order) - Jul 22

Anabantiformes - Jul 23

Carangiformes - Jul 24

Synbranchiformes - Jul 25

Scorpaeniformes - Jul 26

Perciformes - Jul 27

Priacanthiformes - Jul 28

Pleuronectiformes - Jul 29

Centrarchiformes - Jul 30

Labriformes - Jul 31

Acropomatiformes - Aug 1

Acanthuriformes - Aug 2

Lophiiformes - Aug 3

Tetraodontiformes - Aug 4

Actinopterygii Round-up and “Mini” Stat Post - Aug 11

Malacostraca:

Anaspidacea - Aug 12

Bathynellacea - Aug 13

Amphipoda - Aug 14

Mictacea - Aug 15

Cumacea - Aug 16

Isopoda - Aug 17

Lophogastrida - Aug 18

Mysida - Aug 19

Spelaeogriphacea - Aug 20

Stygiomysida - Aug 21

Tanaidacea - Aug 22

Thermosbaenacea - Aug 23

Decapoda - Aug 24

Euphausiacea - Aug 25

Stomatopoda - Aug 26

Leptostraca - Aug 27

Malacostraca Round-up and Mini Stat Post - Sep 3

Arachnida:

Ricinulei - Sep 4

Xiphosura - Sep 5

Opiliones - Sep 6

Solifugae - Sep 7

Sarcoptiformes - Sep 8

Oribatida - Sep 9

Trombidiformes - Sep 10

Eriophyoidea - Sep 11

Endeostigmata - Sep 12

Ixodida - Sep 13

Holothyrida - Sep 14

Opilioacarida - Sep 15

Mesostigmata - Sep 16

Palpigradi - Sep 17

Scorpiones - Sep 18

Pseudoscorpiones - Sep 19

Amblypygi - Sep 20

Schizomida - Sep 21

Uropygi - Sep 22

Araneae - Sep 23

Arachnida Round-up and Mini Stat Post - Sep 30

Insecta:

Archaeognatha - Oct 1

Zygentoma - Oct 2

Ephemeroptera - Oct 3

Odonata - Oct 4

Zoraptera - Oct 5

Dermaptera - Oct 6

Plecoptera - Oct 7

Orthoptera - Oct 8

Grylloblattodea - Oct 9

Mantophasmatodea - Oct 10

Phasmatodea - Oct 11

Embioptera - Oct 12

Mantodea - Oct 13

Blattodea - Oct 14

Psocodea - Oct 15

Hemiptera - Oct 16

Thysanoptera - Oct 17

Hymenoptera - Oct 18

Strepsiptera - Oct 19

Coleoptera - Oct 20

Raphidioptera - Oct 21

Neuroptera - Oct 22

Megaloptera - Oct 23

Lepidoptera - Oct 24

Trichoptera - Oct 25

Diptera - Oct 26

Mecoptera - Oct 27

Siphonaptera - Oct 28

Insecta Round-up and Mini Stat Post - Nov 4

Actinistia:

Coelacanthiformes - Nov 5

Scyphozoa:

Coronatae - Nov 6

Rhizostomeae - Nov 7

Semaeostomeae - Nov 8

Eutardigrada:

Apochela - Nov 9

Parachela - Nov 10

Final Stat Post - Nov 18(ish)

[mightyneinrewatch]

FAQ

Someone pointed out to me that asks were turned off, oops... that has been fixed now. Feel free to ask me anything! If I don't respond right away, forgive me, I have a day job and must pay bills, but I'll at least check in once a week when I'm rewatching the episodes myself.

Just to answer a few questions I've gotten so far:

There is no need or obligation to tag spoilers. (With the sheer number of people here who will be repeat watchers, it will be impossible to avoid spoilers, and I don't want anyone policing anyone on what tags they use - I want everyone to have fun!)

If you WISH to tag spoilers as a courtesy to new watchers, I would suggest using #nein again spoilers just so we all know it's specifically spoilers for the rewatch. (And if you are a first time watcher, WELCOME! I hope you enjoy the ride! Please tell us your thoughts as we go!)

PLEASE keep negativity to a minimum, meaning if you dislike a particular ship or canon event or whatever, I would only ask that you keep it out of the #nein again tag? That tag is for sharing LOVE of this campaign, so similarly I would ask not to see too many comparisons to other campaigns. (I have no intent to actually police any of this or call anyone out, and this is also NOT a request for ANYONE ELSE to police it either. I can and will use the block button.)

I am currently queuing up posts with the episode links, which will go out one episode at a time every Sunday at 8:00 am Mountain Time for the US (which I believe is 10:00 am Eastern Time for the US, and that's as far as my knowledge of time zones go) This is not a "live watch" per se. Think of it more like a book club. We all have a whole week to watch the episode and chat about it. Set your own schedule, and of course PLEASE don't feel bad if you fall behind! If you have a bad week, it's COMPLETELY okay to just skip the episode for that week and catch the next one. Or take a break for a few months! Or if you get REALLY into it, you can watch ahead at your leisure. No one is grading you on how well you manage to keep up.

On a very cool note, I checked the follower count AND WE ARE SOMEHOW ALREADY AT OVER 200 FOLLOWERS??? MY GOD, THAT IS INCREDIBLE! Very happy to join you all on this journey!

Special thanks to @sethdomade for mentioning the idea of a "dracula daily" version of a Mighty Nein rewatch! (That I'm now realizing I basically hijacked the idea and didn't even ask them at all if that was okay, I AM SO SORRY, I guess I'm asking forgiveness instead of permission??)

Drop any other questions in the ask box, and I WILL SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW FOR EPISODE ONE!

[bapeach]

Stuttering heart

Another Azzi fic! I just feel like she'd be the sweetest girl ever. Hope you all enjoy! Constructive criticism is always welcome :D Find my masterlist here :)

Pairing(s): Azzi Fudd x female!reader  Word count: 6.2k+ Warnings: Cursing, stuttering Summary: In which your voice isn't the only thing that stutters, but your heart as well. ------------

UConn was the place to be if you wanted to be someone in the world. To some people, at least. You were one of them. You’ve wanted to go to UConn since you were 11 years old, and now, 7 years later, you’re living the dream. 

Okay, maybe living the dream was a slight overexaggeration that you told your parents to make them stop worrying about you. But you were happy. You were studying something you actually cared about and weren’t struggling all that much. So what if you didn’t live the typical college student life, going to parties every week? You’d much rather curl up in bed with a good book and some great music. And so what if you didn’t have any friends? You didn’t need anyone. You’d gone through your life alone for most of it anyway.

Whenever your parents asked, however, you always lied about how much fun you were having with your new besties. You just didn’t want them worrying about you when you were miles from home. You also didn’t want to hear your mom nag about how you need to go out more and actually talk to people. You’d tried that when you were younger, but it just didn’t work.

The whole making friends thing wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t suffer from social anxiety and didn’t also have a speech impediment. You’ve had a pretty bad stutter your entire life, which always gets worse when you’re nervous. And so nerves make the stutter worse, which makes the nerves worse, which means you get stuck in a vicious cycle. Always being left a stammering mess at the slightest inconvenience. 

It was really bad when you were still young. The kids in your school constantly bullied you for being different. They’d always mock you and tease you but pretend to be nice kids when the teachers were around. It took you a while to tell your parents about the abuse you suffered in school, but when you finally did, they let you stay home. So you were homeschooled for most of your life. Your parents couldn’t exactly give you a whole college degree at home, though. So now you were at UConn!

Thankfully, you’re mainly surrounded by mature adults now, so the bullying was over. That sadly didn’t mean that they understood, though. Most people don’t really have the patience to listen to someone when they can barely say 2 words without a stutter coming through. You can see it in their eyes, the way they dart around the room, looking for an escape. Or you can tell by the way they try to help by finishing your sentences for you. You suppose it’s nice of them to try to help, but in reality, it’s just annoying. It completely throws you off, making you forget what you’re trying to say. Or it just makes you feel like an inconvenience.

So yeah, you didn’t really try to socialize with the students around you. You’d accepted your lonely life a long time ago and had made your peace with it. You never raised your hand in class, emailing the professor when you had any questions. You avoided group projects, opting to do all the work alone over having to deal with the anxiety of talking to your peers. So, maybe it wasn’t the best life you were living, but you tried to make the most out of it.

-----

You’re making your way out of the library when you first bump into her. You’d planned on getting some studying done in a quiet corner, surrounded by the smell of books, but the universe had other plans. Or, well, all the other students with the same idea did. The library is filled to the brim with people, so you’ll have to make do with studying in a coffee shop nearby. 

You grip your books a little tighter as you walk, eyes trained on the floor. You don’t notice the athlete making her way towards you until you crash into her. You fall down, dropping your textbooks along with the articles you’d planned to read. You quickly get up into a crouch as you start collecting your stuff, as well as the papers from the person you’d run into. “S-s-s-s-orry,” you mutter, still not looking up as your face turns red with embarrassment from both running into someone and your stammered apology. A hand enters your view as the person helps you grab everything. 

“Don’t worry about it,” you hear a female voice say. You finally glance up and freeze for a moment. The angelic voice belonged to an actual angel. Your heart skips a few beats as you feel your mouth drop open a little. The girl in front of you might just be the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen. Even though she’s crouched down, you can tell she’s tall and athletic. She has big, beautiful eyes that twinkle in the light. Her soft-looking lips are curved into a sweet smile. A smile that reaches her eyes and can melt the heart of anyone.

Once you’ve both grabbed everything, the brunette stands up, one hand holding some books as the other is stretched out towards you, ready to pull you up. You accept her hand as you stand up. Her hand feels both soft and rough at the same time. You smile awkwardly at her as she looks at the items she’s holding, trying to figure out which ones are hers and which ones are yours. You stare at her a moment longer before looking through your own pile. 

“Oh my God, you also have Mr. Davis? Is he also such an assh- I mean, is he also super strict in your class?” She asks, a small grin forming on her face at her slip up. She tilts her head a little as she waits for an answer. You swallow harshly, hoping you won’t completely embarrass yourself in front of the goddess standing before you. “Yeah, he’s p-p-p-pretty s-s-s-strict,” you mutter, clenching your jaw in annoyance at the stammer. You prepare for the inevitable. The classic “Why are you stuttering? Are you nervous?” or maybe the typical awkward smile as people try to get away from having a conversation with you.

You’re surprised to see and hear none of that. Instead, the girl’s smile softens just a bit, her eyes still looking into yours. “I have an assignment of his due tomorrow, and I honestly have no clue what I’m doing. He’s also too much of a jerk to give people an extension, so I’m screwed,” she huffs as her lips form into a pout. She straightens up a bit, her smile returning. “I’m so sorry, I just realized I never introduced myself! I’m Azzi,” she grins, stretching out her hand to shake yours. You hesitantly shake it as you open your mouth to speak. “I’m Y/N,” you reply, exhaling a sigh of relief when you don’t stutter.

You’re about to hand Azzi her papers when you see the assignment she was talking about. It was the same one you’d finished working on yesterday, and it was definitely not an easy one. Before you can overthink it, you start speaking. “I can help you if you w-w-want?” 

The brunette’s smile becomes even wider. “Really? You’d do that?” You can already feel regret bubbling up in your chest as you realize you’ll have to talk a lot if you want to help her. You almost back out, but you can’t. Not when Azzi is looking at you with those wide, hopeful eyes.

“Mhm,” you hum as you shrug your shoulders. “Thank you so much! Are you free right now?” she asks as she taps her fingers against the spine of the book she’s holding. You open your mouth to reply, but shut it again, instead choosing to simply nod. “Alright, let’s go,” she grins. She starts making her way to the library when you gently grab her arm to stop her. “The library is f-f-full. Wanna go to a c-c-coffee sh-sh-shop?” You ask, nervously scratching your arm. 

“Sure! Have you been to the one that only just opened? I swear their coffee is the best I've ever had,” she claims, leading the way. You shake your head as you follow her. The whole way to the café, Azzi talks about everything and nothing. From Mr. Davis’ class to her upcoming basketball game (You knew it, there was no way she wasn’t an athlete!). 

You listen to her voice, nodding and shaking your head at the right times. You reply when she has questions, but you try to avoid talking when you can. Whenever you do speak, however, your heart swells a little. Not once does the brunette try to hurry you up or talk over you. She patiently waits for you, the smile on her face never leaving.

When you reach the shop, the athlete tells you she’ll order the drinks as you go find a seat. You give her your order with a small smile before finding a table. Once Azzi has the drinks, she hands you yours and plops down with a smile. You grab your wallet to pay her back, but she holds up her hand to stop you. “No, no, it’s okay! Consider this payment for your help.” 

You start shaking your head, ready to tell her she doesn’t have to pay you for that. You don’t get the chance to, however, as Azzi gives you a playful glare. You sag your shoulders with a huff, but a smile makes its way onto your face as you hear the brunette giggle.

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road,” she says, looking at you with hopeful eyes. You give her a firm nod as you crack your knuckles. You spend the next 45 minutes explaining the assignment, giving examples, and showing her a step-by-step on how to solve the issue. Once she finally understands, she makes the task before looking at you for approval. You quickly scan the page as a bright smile makes its way to your face. You show her 2 thumbs up as she cheers, leaning back in her seat with relief. 

You can’t believe you’d just spend almost an hour with someone who wasn’t a family member, and you didn’t even feel bad once. Every time you got stuck on a word, the brunette would just calmly wait for you to continue. She’d look at you with kind eyes and a relaxed posture, never once getting annoyed or losing her patience.

It’s silly how you haven’t even known Azzi for a day, but you already feel so safe in her company. Is this what it was like to have a friend? You feel a pit grow in your stomach as you realize you’ll both go your own ways again soon and probably won’t ever talk again. Because sure, Azzi didn’t mind spending some time with you, but it’s not like she’d want to be your friend and deal with you all the time, right?

You get shaken out of your thoughts as the athlete speaks again. “How about we exchange numbers? You seem like a cool person to hang out with outside of school stuff,” she says, her pearly whites on display. You stare at her in shock for a moment. It feels like you somehow ended up in a movie. The pretty and popular jock befriending the shy, nerdy girl. 

“I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t wanna! No pressure!” She continues as you don’t reply. “N-n-no! That’d be n-n-n-n-,” you sigh in frustration as you clench your fist. “Jesus Christ, can I please just speak like a normal person for once?” You think to yourself. A warm hand lands on your clenched one. You look into Azzi’s eyes as she sends you an encouraging nod. 

“Exchanging n-n-numbers would be n-nice,” you stammer, but you don’t break eye contact. The athlete grins as she grabs her phone and hands it to you. You try to suppress the disappointment that goes through you when Azzi takes her hand off of yours. You give her your own phone before quickly adding yourself as a new contact in hers. A tiny grin curls on your lips as you see hers. “Azzi 🏀👸🩷”

“I need to head off. ‘ve got practice soon, but we’ll talk, yeah?” The basketball player states as she starts getting up. You follow her lead, planning on leaving your own schoolwork for some other time. You think you deserve some time to relax after how well you’d done this afternoon. “Okay, good luck at p-p-practice,” you mumble with a grin. She sends one of her own in return, as well as a playful wink, before leaving. For a minute you stand still in the quiet coffee shop, your chest warm but light. 

The smile on your face doesn’t leave for the rest of the day.

You don’t hear from Azzi the next day, but you don’t mind. (Really, you didn’t. You just kept checking your phone to uh… see if your mom had any updates on her newest plants! Or maybe your dad needed some help with his e-mails again!). Maybe it would’ve been too good to be true. What are the chances an angel like her would want to befriend you?

The following day, you don’t expect anything, either. You figure Azzi just wanted to be polite and didn’t actually want to hang out again. You’re in the middle of writing a boring essay when your phone buzzes. You know you shouldn’t look, being well aware that you’ll get distracted and push aside your work. But what if you’d gotten an important message? You eye your phone for a few seconds before rolling your eyes and grabbing it. Your breath catches in your throat as you see it’s from your… friend? Acquaintance? From Azzi.

She sent a picture of her assignment with a few happy faces. The assignment has a big red A marked on the corner. Your heart fills with happiness at the fact that she let you know she did well. You quickly send a reply congratulating her, your homework completely forgotten. 

Azzi immediately sees the message and starts typing. You quickly close out of the messages as you bite your nail nervously. When your phone buzzes once more, you look at the text through your notification bar, too anxious to let her know you’re reading it.

“Do you have any classes left today?” The message reads. You open the app again as you reply, “Nope, what about you?” You press send before throwing your phone on the bed next to you as you get up and pace around. You were glad the brunette was texting you, but at the same time, it made your anxiety skyrocket.

Buzz buzz

“I’m free for the rest of the day” “Wanna get lunch together to celebrate? My treat, as a thanks”

Your cheeks blaze a bright red at the invitation. You quickly start replying. “Lunch sounds nice :) Also you really don’t have to do that! You already paid for my coffee!!” You bite your lip anxiously, scared you’re coming on too strong with the exclamation marks. “That was a thank you for explaining the assignment, this is a thank you for getting me an A 😁” You shake your head in amusement. “I’m not going to be able to change your mind, am I?”

A giggle escapes your mouth as you see her react with a 😛. Your smile drops when you read her next message. “Text me your dorm number, I’ll come pick you up” You freeze for a moment, realizing you’re about to hang out with a pretty girl for the second time this week, and this time, you had time to prepare. Sure, it wasn’t a lot of time, but enough to make you panic about how you can fix your appearance quickly to somewhat look okay. 

You text her your room number before getting up and running to your closet. You stumble out of your pajama pants while simultaneously trying to take off your coffee-stained shirt. You hurriedly put together an outfit that looks nice but doesn’t make it seem like you’re trying too hard. After a lot of tumbling and cursing, you finally finish getting dressed. You spin around your room a few times trying to locate your hairbrush while also attempting to put on your shoes.

Once you’re happy with your appearance, you sit down on your bed and take a deep breath. “Chill before you give yourself a panic attack,” you think to yourself. Once you’ve calmed down a bit, you walk over to your desk and grab everything you’ll need later. You take one last look around your room, making sure you’ve not forgotten anything, when you hear a knock on your door. You wipe your sweaty hands on your pants before making your way towards the door.

“Hi,” Azzi says with a beaming smile. “Hi,” you grin back. You lock your door behind you before making your way down the hall with the athlete beside you. “I honestly still can’t believe I got an A on that assignment. I didn’t even know Mr. Davis gave people A’s.” Azzi starts the conversation. 

“Yeah, he r-r-rarely gives out A’s, and f-f-f-for some r-r-r-reason h-h-h-e,” you huff in annoyance with how much you’re struggling to speak right now. You shake your head a little, letting the brunette know she can ignore you. You feel a familiar heat crawl up your face.

You knew this would happen. You were hanging out with someone you barely know, who is extremely pretty, and who is definitely way too cool to be your friend. It’s a surprise you’ve been able to say some words without stuttering, with the nerves you’re feeling.

“He what?” Azzi asks, looking at you with wide eyes, her head slightly tilted with interest. Your blush burns even brighter, but this time it’s not from embarrassment but rather the adoration you have for the taller girl. “H-he seems to h-h-h-,” you clear your throat, taking a quick glance at Azzi. She still has that easy, calming smile on her face as she listens to you. “hate to give p-p-people an A… Which d-d-doesn’t make sense, because he’s a t-t-teacher, so he should be happy that his s-s-s-students score well.”

You’re surprised with yourself. You try to avoid talking as much as you can, but with Azzi it’s different. She listens to you. Really listens to you. It makes you actually want to have proper conversations with her. Because she’s the only person outside of your family and speech therapist that doesn’t seem to judge you.

Azzi chuckles as she nods her head. “Yeah, it makes no sense at all. I hate teachers like that! Why become a professor if you’re gonna hate your job and students?” You send her a grin before looking away. You continue to listen to the athlete ramble about the professors she loves and hates, adding your own opinions as well. 

You spend hours with the girl. The lunch “date” spilling over into a walk around campus as you both enjoy each other’s company. You make sure to have a pit stop for ice cream, giving the employee your card before Azzi has the chance to pay again. When hours have passed, and the skies have become a mix of oranges, pinks, and purples, you finally decide to call it a day.

The brunette walks you back to your dorm before wishing you a goodnight with the promise of another hangout soon. You give her a tiny salute, regretting it immediately when you realize what you’re doing. Your regret melts away the second you hear Azzi’s sweet laugh, her eyes crinkling as she smiles widely. She shakes her head in amusement and adoration as she gives you a salute back before leaving. 

Not long after she’s gone, you get a message saying she made it to her dorm safely. You heart the message before getting ready for bed. Your chest feels warm with giddiness as you crawl underneath your blanket. Once you finally fall asleep, you dream of a beautiful, tall girl holding your hand as you walk on the beach, without a worry in the world.

The following weeks, you and Azzi text every day. You give each other updates on how classes are going, talk about your families, and laugh at each other’s silly stories. You even arrange some more hangouts. You’ve already made plans to meet up at the library to study together, the coffee shop to give life updates, and even your dorm for movie nights. 

Your heart feels light when your parents ring you for their scheduled video call. You tell them about the new friend you’ve made and how much you’ve been enjoying university lately. Your chest is free from the familiar ache, as you don’t have to lie to them for once. You’re in the middle of recounting your latest adventure with the tall girl when your phone buzzes. You pause your story for a moment, glancing at the message. “Is that her?” Your mom interrogates you with a tiny smirk. You roll your eyes at her, but you can’t hide the smile that’s growing on your face.

“Mhm,” you hum. “She wants to h-hang out later,” you reply as your eyes linger on your phone. “We’ll let you go then, sweetie,” your dad says with an affectionate wink. You’re glad they don’t tease you any longer, saying their goodbyes. The second your laptop screen goes dark, you snatch up your phone, typing a reply. “Sounds good!”

“Great! Would you mind if my team also comes over? They wanna meet you” Azzi replies. You feel a pit form in your stomach but feel a bit calmed when you see the next message come in. “You can totally say no! No pressure :)” You feel your heart swell two sizes as you read the comforting words. The brunette always made sure you were comfortable, never making you do anything you weren’t into. She always picked up on your anxiety the second you started feeling nervous. She’d even googled all the ways you can help someone out of a panic attack after learning you struggled with them sometimes.

Azzi is your first ever friend, and you’re extremely grateful to have her in your life. You hope you two will stay friends for a long time, which is why you hate yourself for falling for her. She can never find out. She’d probably finally realize that being your friend wasn’t a good idea, and then you’d be all alone again. 

You don’t realize you’ve zoned out until your phone buzzes again. “Y/N seriously, don’t worry about it! I can see you’ve read my messages and I know you’re probably freaking out but you don’t have to, I’ll tell them now isn’t a great time :))”

You immediately start typing back. “No no! I’d love to meet them too! When should I come over?” Azzi was right, of course, you were freaking out, but that didn’t mean you were going to let her cancel on her friends for you. Besides, you really did want to get to know the girls from Azzi’s stories. If they were as great as the brunette says they are, you had nothing to worry about. You’d also seen the team pass by on your TikTok plenty of times to know they were some of the funniest people you’ll ever meet.

“I’m just chilling rn, so whenever you’re free you can come over :) the girls won’t be here for another 2h so we can relax a little before then if you want? :D” You let her know you’ll be at her dorm in 10 minutes, not even letting yourself rethink anything. You quickly get ready, giving yourself a brief glance in the mirror before leaving.

When you knock on the athlete’s door, it opens almost immediately. Your heart skips a beat as you see Azzi’s dazzling smile. “Hey! Come in, come in!” She beams. You grin as you follow her to her room. She plops down on her bed, patting it to invite you in. She grabs her laptop, putting on a show you two had started a while ago but never really cared for that much. The taller girl knew you liked having something as background noise as you talked, so all the focus and pressure wouldn’t be on you. 

You’re in the middle of a story when you see Azzi’s expression shift. She’d been looking at you with wide, interested eyes and a tiny smile as she listened, but now her eyes look softer. You can almost see a hint of… adoration? In her eyes. Her smile looks more real too. “W-what?” You stutter as your ears start burning. 

The brunette shakes her head softly before saying, “I just… I’ve noticed you’ve started stuttering less when you’re with me.” Her voice is barely louder than a whisper, but you hear it perfectly fine with how close you two are sitting. You look down, trying to not let her see the blush on your face, but you know there’s no way she could miss it.

“Y-yeah, I guess I’ve just b-b-become more comfortable around you,” you mutter back before looking her in the eyes. You see Azzi’s own cheeks change into a different shade. As she opens her mouth to reply, a knock can be heard on the door. You both jump in surprise before the athlete gets up to go open the door. 

You can feel your heart pounding in your chest, and you’re not fully sure why that is. Is it because the team had arrived? Or is it because you only just noticed how close you and Azzi were sitting when you’d jumped apart?

You take a sip of water, trying to calm your nerves. As you’re putting the bottle down, KK and Paige bounce into the room. Azzi is quick to follow, settling back down beside you and sliding her hand over yours below the blanket. A few seconds later, the other girls walk in, but you’re too overwhelmed by Paige and KK to notice. You look like a startled deer as they excitedly introduce themselves, pushing their hands towards you to shake them. Azzi doesn’t hesitate to slap their hands away with an amused grin as she shakes her head. “Can you guys please be normal for once?” She asks, sending you a smile when she hears you chuckle at her friends’ chaos.

The excited girls pout as the rest of the team introduces themselves as well. You can already feel the nerves melt away by just being near them. They just have this aura that makes you feel comfortable. Once everyone is done, you introduce yourself as well. “H-h-hey, I’m-m Y/N, it’s nice to m-m-m-meet you guys.” 

You see KK’s eyes widen a little at your stutter before she looks over at Paige. The blonde immediately gives her a little push with a quick shake of her head. They’re subtle enough that no one else notices, but you’d grown up watching the people around you and blending in, so it wasn’t a surprise you’d caught their interaction. You send Paige a thankful smile, sending KK a grin as well to let her know you aren’t upset. You’re used to people giving you looks when they hear you stammer. You also know that the team didn’t mean anything bad by it, they probably just didn’t expect it.

The girls all find a spot to settle down in, some on the floor, some on the beanbag in the corner of the room, while KK sits on Azzi’s desk chair, spinning it in circles. As you all hang out, your smile never leaves your face. Have you ever laughed this much before? If you weren’t chuckling at Paige’s sass, you were laughing at KK’s dramatics. During the rare moments when they shut up, Nika’s voice fills the air as she teases the younger girls. The constant murmur of voices makes you feel a type of comfort you’ve never felt before.

Right now, you’re listening to a funny story Paige is telling as KK and Ice squabble in their corner of the room. You feel lighter than air with the relief of feeling like you finally fit in. Thankfully, Azzi is there to ground you. Somehow, you two have ended up fully leaning against each other, the brunette’s arm around your waist. You don’t know how you got here, but you weren’t complaining. 

You can feel yourself becoming a bright shade of red as Paige glances at Azzi’s hand on your hip before looking up at you and wiggling her eyebrows. You look down as you try to hide your blush and the smile that can’t seem to leave your face. Feeling the brunette squeeze your side, you look over at her with a raised eyebrow. She mouths the words, “Are you okay?” making sure you’re doing alright without alerting the others. You stare at her lips a moment longer than you should before sending her a tight-lipped smile and a nod. 

You quickly look back at Paige, checking to see if she’d noticed the whole interaction. The blue-eyed girl is already facing you with a smug look. You roll your eyes and stick your tongue out playfully, feeling a bit surprised at how at ease you feel, even after getting teased.

When the skies become a dark shade of gray, the team slowly starts dispersing. The girls all give you their number, demanding you all hang out again soon. Paige is the last to leave, sending you both a sleepy wave as she closes the door behind her. You don’t miss the sly wink she sends your way when Azzi turns towards you.

You sit up a bit straighter as you stretch your arms and crack your back. The brunette sends you a playful look of disgust, scrunching up her nose as she hears your joints pop. You give her a wide, innocent grin. “I should get g-going,” you sigh, not wanting to part with the girl just yet. “Stay,” Azzi says, her voice barely above a whisper. You look back at her, a little shocked at the request. Her brown eyes meet yours. Her shoulders look a little more tense than usual, but her face looks calm and steady. “Okay,” you whisper back.

Azzi’s shoulders immediately relax as she sends you a soft smile. She gets up and walks over to her closet, finding you something to wear. “Is this okay?” She asks, holding up a pair of her shorts and a shirt with her basketball number on it. “Mhm,” you hum, trying not to blush at the fact that you’ll be wearing her clothes, her number. 

After she hands you the clothes, you walk over to the bathroom and get ready for bed. You take an extra minute to let your face cool down after seeing yourself in the mirror. Once you’ve calmed down, you walk back into the bedroom and over to Azzi’s bed. The athlete’s eyes linger on you for a moment before she briskly walks into the bathroom to get ready herself. 

You don’t see the brunette’s reddened cheeks as she goes to hide. You can’t tell Azzi is splashing water in her face to calm down as her mind goes a million miles per hour at how cute you look in her clothes. You’re completely unaware of the fact that your crush is fully losing her mind about the fact that she has fallen for you. 

When Azzi returns, she crawls into the bed next to you, sliding down so you’re face to face. Your left hand is lying under your head, as your right lays between you two. She mimics your position before slowly sliding her hand into yours. Azzi sends you a soft smile, receiving one of your own in return. The smile doesn’t leave your face as you fall asleep staring at the angel in front of you.

When you wake up the next morning, the bed feels cold and empty. You frown a little as you get up. You pad over to the bathroom, scratching your head when you don’t see Azzi in there either. You swiftly get ready before making your way to the living room. You immediately see Paige and Azzi as they’re leaning over the kitchen counter. They’re both leaning in close, talking in hushed voices, before the blonde notices you in the doorway. She loudly clears her throat, straightening up as she exclaims, “Y/N! Good morning!”

“M-morning,” you say softly, sending Azzi a raised eyebrow. You wonder if something is wrong when she sends you an awkward smile that looks more like a grimace than anything. Noticing her look, Paige gives her a tiny push with her elbow before walking over to you. “So, do you have any classes today?” She asks. 

“Y-yeah, in an hour… I should probably head b-b-back to my dorm to get r-r-ready,” you reply as you grab your stuff. You give Azzi a questioning look as she awkwardly stands behind Paige, looking down at the floor.

“Okay, w-well… See you guys l-later, I guess,” you say as you give them a small wave before leaving. You hear Paige turn to Azzi and say, “Oh my God, bro,” as you close the door with a small frown. Did you do something wrong? Did she find out you have a crush on her, and did she hate you?

You barely pay attention to your classes, still too focused on the way Azzi was acting this morning. Around noon, she texts you, wishing you good luck in Mr. Davis’ class, like she always does. You feel a bit more at ease, figuring you’re probably overthinking stuff. The athlete sends you her usual good night message when she goes to bed, as well as a routine good morning. You let the weird morning fall to the back of your mind as you both continue everything like normal.

Your nerves flare up again when a few days pass and Azzi doesn’t text you anything other than a good morning. She doesn’t even look at the messages you send in return, though she usually replies within a few minutes. By the time it’s noon and hours have passed, you’re pacing your dorm so much, you think you might leave a walking trail on the carpet. You’re biting your nails, the pit in your stomach growing by the minute. Your mind is floating with thoughts of something having happened to her or her not wanting to be your friend anymore. 

You get shaken out of your thoughts when you hear a knock on the door. You quickly walk over, hoping it’s the girl you can’t stop thinking about. When you open the door, you lose your breath for a moment. In front of you, Azzi is standing, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. She swallows harshly, looking at you nervously but also with determination. 

She clears her throat a little, gripping the flowers a bit harder. “Hi,” she says. “Hi,” you breathe out, staring at her with wide eyes. “Listen, I… I really like you and… Damn it, I had this whole speech planned, but now that I’m here, I’m completely blanking,” she says as she starts frowning, looking at the floor. 

You take a step closer to her, now standing halfway into the hallway. “Azzi…” you whisper, biting your lip to stop yourself from smiling. She looks back up at you before taking a deep breath. “I really like you, and it’s completely fine if you don’t like me back, but… I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me?” She says, trusting the flowers forward. You take them with a wide smile. “I’d love t-that,” you reply.

Your heart skips another beat as her face brightens. She pulls you into a hug, squeezing you tightly while making sure not to crush the flowers. You wrap your arms around her waist as you put your face in the crook of her neck. Inhaling deeply, you relax into her hold. You pinch yourself, making sure you’re not dreaming, grinning even wider when you realize you’re not.

You let go of each other as you hear a “YES!” from a few feet away. You both look towards the end of the hallway, seeing Paige peeking around the corner. The girl’s eyes widen as she quickly moves back behind the wall. You giggle as Azzi huffs. “I swear that girl cannot be normal.” “HEY!” The blonde yells back but doesn’t show herself. “Nor can she be subtle!” Azzi raises her voice. “Sorry!” Paige apologizes before you hear her retreating footsteps.

You grin up at Azzi, who’s rolling her eyes in amusement. “Sorry about that. I practiced my speech with her and told her to stay in our dorm, but she’s Paige, so she didn’t listen.” You shake your head, your eyes twinkling in entertainment as you pull the brunette into your dorm. 

You two have a date to plan, after all.

[more-than-a-princess]

Well, at least he realized it early on. Considering geography and that she assumed Wylan knew where Novoselic was: it bordered the country they were currently in. That meant that snow was a certainty. "I apologize on behalf of my country for the weather you will encounter from around the end of October until April," She told him sincerely, but with a grin as she plucked out various pieces for him to try on. "If it is of any reassurance, it is very common to go out of the country during the two weeks' holiday in January that the Royal Council is in recess, often to somewhere warm." She usually chose somewhere tropical and her family had a preferred resort in the Maldives, but Sonia was open to trying something new. She briefly wondered what Las Vegas weather was like that time of year before going back to browsing. His only other option, besides going along with whatever she chose, was learning how to ski and enjoying it.

Unfortunately, she doubted ski gear would include cartoon character prints: or at least the sort of gear her family would approve of anyone being seen in. "And what age is that, exactly?" Sonia asked, half-teasing and half out of ignorance as he appeared to disapprove of her clothing choices. She'd never exactly asked Wylan his age, it wasn't exactly a polite question and despite how much he enjoyed taunting, Sonia found it in poor taste to be rude in return. Now that they were dating, however, the rules were relaxed. He had seen her naked, after all. "Twenty? Twenty-two? And you can wear your cartoon characters in private. I certainly do." Though hers were, admittedly, more horror icons and anime characters on the occasional t-shirt or sweatshirt.

Still, she pushed the clothes into his hands and ushered him into the changing room with far more effectiveness than any staff member. She was used to getting her way, save for the people she needed to stand her ground with the most: that was what happened when your father ruled a country and your mother was...

Well. She could only hope that Wylan would meet her wearing trousers. Sonia couldn't hide her shock when he emerged without them, causing several men in the vicinity to cough and turn away in disapproval. A turn of her head left and right was enough to indicate that they were her incognito security, and Wylan had managed to startle them. Sonia gave a deep sigh in return: they'd have their hands full trying to keep watch over him, and this was before her parents even knew that he existed. Again. As far as they knew, for now at least, he was a random American who had abandoned her there, never to be seen or heard from again.

She politely declined a coffee but accepted a bottle of Perrier from one of the salesmen, with an empty glass to pour it in. The carbonation was a welcome distraction from her two dueling thoughts: how handsome he looked in a proper shirt and how he would tolerate it: starched collars, no logos, winter, being seen, at least for some time, as an extension of her and the Royal Family. He'd lived a life of independence, albeit one with a likely target on his back, but independence nonetheless. Was it worth giving that up?

Was she worth staying for, with all of the imposed rules from etiquette to dress to royalty-approved conversation topics?

Sonia let the bubbles fizz and dissipate on her tongue, leaving the mineral taste of the sparkling water in her mouth before swallowing. A fitting analogy to his life, perhaps: fizzy and exciting before becoming dull and tasteless upon staying by her side. She had to ensure that didn't happen: she was a princess, yes, but she was also his partner. She wanted, needed, to make sure that this was a life he could not just live but thrive in, as opposed to feeling resigned to it. Resentment of being her support would not do, ever.

"Don't worry about it, I am, as you say, 'thrown under the bus' for quite a lot and I probably only have earned it half the time," She insisted with a smile, getting to her feet. At least these would last until they returned home and royal seal-appointed tailors got their hands on him. Sonia supposed she should be present for the first few fittings, at least: Liam would only encourage him, Sam wouldn't hide his annoyance, and Cecily might burst a blood vessel from stress. "But I think you look wonderful and, ah, appropriate for the autumn weather in this part of the world. Not as warm as you'd like, I presume: for anything above 60 degrees Fahrenheit, one must go towards the Mediterranean. But let's get these and decide what to do next. I am open to ideas." She'd been to Paris more times than she could count, but she presumed it was the first time for him. Or at least the first time he didn't have to kill anyone, which was significant indeed.

Right. The woman is a cinephile. Every quip he makes finds itself traced to one movie reference or another. But how the hell does a rock climbing wall have to settle that too? He laughs, more at Sonia than the actual reference itself. He's satisfied he got the flush, making sure to stare appropriately when she makes the remark in turn.

Not to worry, Sonia. Wylan is adept at multitasking. As seen here as they go about their shopping excursion amidst the displays and racks.

"If it's somewhere that gets snow on the ground, I try not to be there when the snow is. Alas, we can not in fact always get what we want." And, really, he should be epitomized by that sentiment. Though the twisting nebula of timelines had brought him to this point, taking clothes from his now-girlfriend to try on in extravagant fashion. It never evades him how many other opportunities were missed because of his circumstances. What kind of person could Zachary Reis have grown up to be, otherwise? "But if you try sometimes... Well." Wylan lets the remainder of the line be left to the air as the variety of items are taken in hand.

The wrench to his lips is played off comically, despite being sourced to the distaste of how his initial control of fate had set him down into the pits. No, Sonia, he doesn't really dislike your choices, but it's funny to act as though he's being judgmental. A leer sent her way as he leans in.

"There's a severe lack of cartoon characters and humorous logos on these shirts. I wear this and I might be considered someone who acts my age. Not a problem, I'll just compensate. It seemed to work some on your cousins, and I was barely even trying there. It was more trying to keep myself from being beaten up, but y'know."

After a hum, he smiles. Then slips into a changing room to start the show. Everything fit fine enough. And he made sure to dramatically present the fits to Sonia. One time going so far as to step out without any pants on. One of the sweaters being put back because he disliked how far it fell down his hips. That in itself doesn't alleviate some of the creeping feeling underlying this endeavor. That evasive part of his mind, one that wished to stay slippery and never wanted to be pinned down, knew what this was.

Reflecting on movie references, how many were there that included a scene of the rebel being cleaned up and pressed into a stiff ensemble? Sure, these clothes didn't itch as the stereotype usually implied, but Wylan felt a similar sentiment. After all. This wasn't a one-off attire or event for the purpose of fitting into a role. This was going to be him. Wylan Rechtur needed to be a clean cut individual so that he might be a fitting partner for Sonia Nevermind.

For her. For Sonia. For Sonia.

The wrench in his heart is swallowed back. The man stands, staring in the mirror, pensively. It clicks away, he clicks away. Adopting several different poses to see if he couldn't break free character-wise. Or if that mattered. Did it? Probably not. Just as Sonia was handed clothes to wear, the assassin imagines it'll be the same case for him. Some little assistant toddling after him that could go so far as to fuss over which buttons he bothered to snap.

Right then.

"These'll work." He lies, smoother than the coffee he had just been drinking with no betrayal on his features. The smile he passes to Sonia is genuine as he slips out of the changing room one last time (this time his pants are on, not going to pull that twice in one setting). Now back in his prior clothes with everything he was inclined to grab over the arm. "And if they don't, I'll make sure to take the blame, and not immediately throw you under the bus since you picked them out."

[shinypokemonshowdown]

Are you accepting of non-traumagenic systems? I know there’s a lot of discourse but I like the blog and happened to come about through non-traumagenic origins and some people are just awful about that and act like everyone who is or supports people like me is inherently bad ;~; I wanna check cuz I don’t wanna overstep boundaries or anything, again I like your blog and I’d like to be optimistic but if you would happen to dislike how I came to exist I can unfollow 😓

I’d understand if you don’t want to answer this publicly because people can be rabid about the discourse surrounding it, as if that’s somehow progressive for the community at all, so like… if you’d rather answer it privately say…. Idk, simplify me to. I’m sorry it’s hard to come up with a thing for this and it’s delaying me- Delayed question anon I suppose if you want to make a post to ask me to message or something, sorry again. I don’t want people to harass you if you’re accepting of people who happen to exist differently, tf2heritageposts is already anti-endo and someone else was and I’d like to think thats a coincidence but if it is I wouldn’t want them and at least the other account to decide you don’t have DID right or something

sorry again this is long, I fear being misconstrued

I want to start this off by saying I'm extremely sorry if I made you uncomfortable by interacting with them, I really don't check the blogs I answer posts with, especially with how many people interact with this blog

However as a system formed from deep truama [a lot of which is hidden from me by other members of my system] I just want you to know I am accepting of you! I know there's a lot of discourse surrounding this subject and I understand both sides, however I personally want to be more accepting of systems formed differently than me and I want to make y'all feel comfortable.

I never had a dni for this blog because I want shinies to be for everyone, I only ask that people be kind in my inbox (and don't send nsfw/discourse/shiny hate)

TDLR, you're completely and 100% okay to interact and I hope you are doing well!

BIG PSA! This is not an open invitation for discourse and do not be rude to anon! This is a shiny poll blog at the end of the day and I want everyone to feel welcome voting for your favorite shinies

If my acceptance makes you turn away that is fine, please do not be rude, and I wish you all well

[acesw]

Knowing our Arcanists: Urd

Hello! It's been a long time since I've made a post for this series, but unfortunately I've been busy and thus I haven't been able to catch up. However, this entry is special because this is the first NPC that I've wanted to explore ever since 1.6 dropped. So for this post, let's welcome: Urd.

Urd has been a mysterious character since the beginning of the game, and it's only now that we've come to a point where we're introduced to the face of the biographer.

Even then, we don't have much to understand about her, so this post will be mainly dedicated to understanding who she is and why she's so significant as a character. Let's get started.

Being from an unknown time and place, Urd is most known as the famous biographer who has traveled to many niche places around the world; most notably Apeiron and it's Island. This particular article is what prompted Vertin's search for her, and why we're here now.

Igor claims that Urd had been previously involved with not only Zeno, but also the Foundation's Pax Security Council.

We're not sure with what she did with the Pax House, but it became significant enough that she had been gifted a marble chair—one that continued to be brought to her until the present day.

At the end of 1999, there was a war that happened between Zeno and an unknown entity, and Igor also claims that Urd was involved in it. After that, the "Storm" happened, and Urd disappeared with it.

Or at least that's what everyone had thought.

For the next 8 years, however, Urd had continued to roam the Earth as the biographer, having been confirmed to have appeared in 1996 and 1966.

She released stories about Rayashki and London (refer to 1.1 and 1.8), but she barely remembers them now. She writes articles and travel notes for UTTU, and the magazine releases them to the public once doing so.

She has become a very important piece in understanding the true nature of the "Storm" after being discovered that she is able to cross it mostly unscathed. Urd is unlike Vertin's case, since she still gets affected by it.

The "Storm" greatly affected her not only physically but also physiologically. For every "Storm" that happens, she becomes reconstructed as the same blind woman, but she loses a chunk of her memories as a result of the "Storm" affecting her mind.

She remembers who she fundamentally is, but she had forgotten her memories from prior to the "Storm" and the early years of it.

It's likely because of this that she began to go under different aliases when she had began to travel. Marta, Dr. Dores, The Friend From Afar, and (possibly) Bessmert—they're all under the same face, and it's why not a lot of people had been able to find her for so long.

Nevertheless, her survival has become incredibly invaluable for many, and it is mainly why she's sought after by multiple parties. From not only Vertin and the Foundation, but also Igor and the Manus Vindictae, and even the Pax House.

In Chapter 8, she was found in São Paulo, and we're finally introduced to her proper. Urd can be described as an altruistic and gentle person, seeking peaceful resolutions above everything.

She wanders around a lot and keeps her typewriter on her person. With her fondness of interacting with those around her, she's able to befriend people quite easily.

Urd is also a very insightful person and is (almost) sincere about herself and her own observations of the world. She stands as an observer from a distance, but wishes to make everyone's stories known by her own means.

However, she remains enigmatic with her methods and her plans, making it difficult to discern the goals she's trying to achieve in this story.

Beyond this, she's a peculiar person in the lore, and the fact that she looks like a certain someone is already damning. I hope that her story and her relationships with everyone is further expanded upon in future chapters.

[calamarispiderart]

hello hello!!! random question before i get started on work haha

how do you come up with dialogue for ur hms comics? the back n forth of them feels so heavy and realistic. especially the casualness paired with the bleeding-brooding (alliteration for fun) violence makes everything just. hit. in a tragic and hopeless way imo. it’s so neat :0

i’ve been trying that kind of writing out a bit lately too. this is what i’ve managed with my iambic pentameter gang (hms but rain world iterator). MiND is being threatened by the rage pent up inside himself. and, strangely enough, it has the voice of HeART.

constructive feedback is welcome ^_^!

once again, hello hello! sending good wishes and all :]. i love ur work ^_^ 💛

oooo hmm... this isnt something ive ever really thought about trying to explain, thank you for the question! big fan of the posing in the piece youve added here btw, i like the alliteration in 'heliocentric heathen' B:•∆

honestly the way i go about writing them isnt something i feel i can put into words with a clear structure of process... often with my comics it starts with me simply having a vague idea of 'i want to make a comic today', and drawing what feels right to lead into it. the words typically link in with the actions as well - i usually draw something, draw the next thing, write a bit of dialogue, draw the next thing, write more dialogue.... not in that exact order but the words always feel to be a reaction to the actions and the actions are a reaction to the words (and/or, words and actions work in tandem). people rarely talk in a vacuum, especially when theyre having the conversation in person, so i find it helpful to see the actions as part of the dialogue and vice versa.

occasionally ive scripted out dialogue beforehand (always with actions included within the script.) but even with a script what actually is said needs to adjust with whats been drawn. when i dont write with a script (which is the norm), its often while im drawing the next frame that im thinking over whats being said. typically i just go over and over a sentence mentally, adjusting bits until it feels right, looking at it once its written on the page and adjusting it more if necessary.

perhaps a bit vague? apologies! i do have certain mental rules i try keep in mind for each of the threes characters while writing. 'how would heart respond, how would he word this? mind? i cant word it this way because i know he doesnt do this...' <subconscious questions and thoughts but they are important to keep in mind. i find it the most helpful to keep the core traits i personally see in them in mind, and let those traits kind of... guide what is said. if i think of how that collection of traits and facets would respond to something, the vague concept that creates can then go through the filters of dialogue traits i have in mind for them. ...ehhh, put more simply... 'what is the general response this character would have to this situation' and then 'how would they structure that response through words and/or actions?'.

i, being who i am, cccc being what it is, am somewhat naturally inclined to writing grim and bleeding-brooding (nice word) things. i also consider myself to be quite a grounded person, which i hope comes through in my work! however, natural inclinations aside, cccc itself is quite a bleeding-brooding album (at least it is to me). its one about depression and self hatred and it really doesnt pull many punches in that respect. or at least, thats my read on it! as a result, that becomes reflected in my interpretation of hms. however, id also note that cccc is silly at times, theres humor in it. all good grim things need a bit of levity to really make it feel Real... people joke in the worst of times, not just the best, and it really helps in writing serious things to have just a little bit of joke to it, even if its not immediately noticable... this is hard to really give examples of honestly but it is relevant i promise. im unsure if youve read much of my writing aside from my comics, but theres just a bit of absurdity and humor in both my cccc pieces that would make the writing feel sorely lacking without in my opinion. notable with how violent and tense both those pieces are.

lots of words now! hopefully helpful ones B:•] or at least interesting! ill try write out some of the core traits and details i keep in mind when writing hms so as to give better reference points to all my prior words:

heart: reactive, not instigative. he doesnt start fights, he finishes them. he also doesnt need an insane amount of prompting to get going... but he does need prompting. apathetic, a bit fanciful. hes depressed, and not in a cute way. he talks casually but he uses serious words. no point in simplifying his language - he wants to be taken seriously, and while he makes himself look small and weak at times he is Not weak and he is Not small. hes just as much of a wordsmith as the other two. he covers his mouth when he speaks sometimes, and he puts his hand over his chest... a bit defensive? muffling his own input, but notably he still speaks. lies by omission or by twisting facts - if full honesty helps his case, thats what he uses. if a white lie works better... i personally see him as a bit of a planner too. sometimes his reaction to things is built up to; it never comes out of nowhere, even if it may seem like it.

mind: instigative, less reactive. he still reacts to things but hes generally the one starting shit and hes honestly very bad at Not talking shit. uses contractions. <this is a small one but mind says 'dont' and 'cant' and i dont think ive ever heard him Not use contractions to any notable degree. kind of weak! hes proud of himself, very proud of himself, and even in the moments of the album where theyre getting along he cant drop his superiority complex. hes bad at making compromises that put him as the lesser one. hes also quick to point blame and to lie (even if hes a bit roundabout abt it). hes also not That smart - or at least, hes not any smarter than the other two. he Thinks hes smart and hes quite confident about that but that doesnt actually mean hes right lol. aggressive verbally, passive physically. hypocritical.

both of them tend to see soul as an afterthought, or as something to benefit from. note the 'something', not 'someone'. imo, they dont really see him as a valid living entity in the same way they see themselves. speaking of soul...

soul: hes difficult. hes a difficult and complicated guy. vague, fanciful, depressed, suicidal, tired... i personally see him as quite passive. both passive and active... hes violent, towards himself and towards the others. just as they dont see him as an individual, i believe hes too apathetic and burnt out to see them as individuals either. when he threatens to hang himself, thats a direct threat to the two if them as well - and it functions as one, seeing as they are all linked in that way! his suicidality isnt purely self destructive in the way it would be in other story contexts which i find important to remember. i see him as someone who sleeps a lot... and as someone who is treated more like a tool than anything else. but he is, simultaneously, idealistic. he hopes for the best and would do anything (Anything.) to try and achieve it. he wants things to Get Better or to Stop. most of the time when i write or draw him its within the 'Stopping is the only option to Get Better' stage of things. hes tired and he doesnt want to deal with things but he has to and he doesnt want to and hes at the end of his rope. honestly within the album he feels a bit like a ghost. hes granted a similar level of personhood as the shadow of what could be, which is both more and less than mind and heart get.... hes confusing! hea a difficult guy. honestly you can take a lot of my notes and thoughts on his character with a grain of salt because hes always been such a puzzle to me haha. i find him easiest to convey in art... OH yes one last thought/trait is hes a bit... arrogant? hes tired and hes careless. listen to me or fuck off and die. arrogant. what a guy.

ahaaha this kinda became me just rambling about my reads on the three but.. hopefully helpful!! this is all stuff i try keep in mind when im writing and drawing them. theres certainly nuances ive missed and things i havent worded as well as i could, but you get the idea i hope! all of that informs how i write them and... in a way they almost lead me through the piece.

also! this isnt something i often think about because its just a natural part of the process, but sometimes i end up scrapping stuff! entire paragraphs, panels and poses, because it hits a stasis where i cant find any way for one or the other to continue the interaction - theres a distinct difference between this and the interaction hitting its ending point. if ive written one person saying or doing something and none of the parties involved are able to respond in any way at all, thats a sign that ive conveyed their characters wrong and i need to go back. people *always* have a response to something, whether thats continuing the conversation or leaving or anything. if none of them can come up with a response that feels like them, ive messed up somewhere. dont be afraid to go back and rewrite things.

ummm yeah thats all i can think of to say now! thank you for the question, and thank you for the nice words!! B:•∆ im very happy my comics come off the way youve described, and very happy youve enjoyed my work enough to want to ask me about it!! means a lot to me B:•] your rainworld iterator hms concept sounds swag as hell, id just say to keep at it!! from what youve shown here youve already got a great start B:•∆ thank you again! hope you and anyone else reading this has a good week!

[fir-fireweed]

your work takes my breath away always.

thank you for writing these very real stories. im a black lesbian in a very red state (US ofc) and i just want you to know that your stories touch me so deeply.

you capture such real emotions and such real stories. i cry for your characters the way i cry for my family even further south.

art is so important, stories are so important.

thank you for writing, thank you for creating.

and thank you for feeling.

I can’t even word right now, that’s how much this touched me. Because I’m crying even trying to imagine your situation, and how grateful I am that you shared with me. Because as much as I push for hope and positivity, it is all so very hard right now.

But if my writing eased that at least a little, you are so very welcome. Stories and art are so important, you’re right, especially now. Small acts are significant. Words matter. People matter.

Your kind words are so very appreciated. Thank YOU, too. And stay safe, friend. ❤️

[thatonesonicfanfictionwriter]

shadow x reader idea

What If reader works for black doom without knowing his connections to shadow and shadow finds out with leads to a fight of misunderstanding

(Btw reader works for black doom to get the chance to kill bad people)

“Betrayal Where it Hurts Most”

Pairing: Shadow the Hedgehog x Reader

Requested: Yes (by an anon).

Description: You didn’t want to work for Black Doom. But it was like a symbiotic relationship; you killed bad people, and the Black Arms were fed. But a certain hedgehog wasn’t very happy about that fact.

Notes: Ough, more angst-ish stuff…Guess that means I’m doing a good job each time I write it, though, if you guys keep requesting it! Hope you enjoy!

(Reader will be gender-neutral.)

(Not proof-read/beta-read.)

– – – – – – – – – – – –

This was supposed to be an easy job.

Go in, kill the murderer, get out.

That was your life at this point.

Well…at least in secret.

You didn’t want anyone to find out.

But life was never fair, was it?

As you reach the destination point, the body in hand, you drop it off. Luckily, not a drop of blood is on you, just the way you (and your boss) likes it.

“AH, WELCOME BACK, MORTAL,” your boss, Black Doom, says. “NO ONE FOLLOWED YOU HERE, CORRECT?”

“Correct. I’m the only one here,” you say.

“PERFECT,” he says. “KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. I’LL INFORM YOU WHEN ANOTHER MISSION ARRIVES.”

Black Doom takes the body with one of his hands and he disappears with it.

You let out a sigh.

“You’re doing this to survive, [Name],” you mutter to yourself. “Getting to kill bad people is just a plus.”

You turn around to head home, only to find a familiar black-and-red hedgehog staring at you, a pissed off expression on his face, adorned by a scowl.

“Care to explain, [Name]?” Shadow asks, venom in his voice.

“Look, Shadow, I-” you start.

“Oh, I’d love to hear why you’re working with the one who wants nothing more than to destroy this world and keep me as his mindless servant,” Shadow spats, cutting you off. “You better have a good explanation.”

“Him and I have…an agreement,” you mutter. “I complete missions, specifically killing evil people, for him, and he doesn’t kill me.”

“And how long have you been doing this?” he asks.

“About a year now,” you tell him. “He showed up out of nowhere, nearly killed me, and then decided to spare me, so now I work for him.”

Shadow lets out a sigh.

“I wish you would have told me sooner,” Shadow says. “Look. I’m still upset at you-”

“Rightfully so,” you say.

“Let me finish,” Shadow says. “I’m still upset at you, but I can help you. You won’t have to do his bidding any longer. Not on my watch.”

“Thank you, Shadow,” you mutter. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“Yet you’re getting it anyway,” Shadow says.

You were grateful he was in your life.

[huluppus]

you know what, I’m tired of pretending the problems of hotd s2 came about because hbo cut the last two episodes. that’s just a revisionist cop out imo

was the season meant to be quote unquote filler? not necessarily. I’d argue it had the same function as got s2; after an inciting incident (ned and viserys’ death), the pieces needed to move across the board for a larger scale incident. in got, that was the battle of blackwater. in hotd, it literally could’ve been anything if not the battle of the gullet. rook’s rest! the red sowing! they were all there — important incidents to move the plot forward. but then they just didn’t?

it’s so frustrating because a lot happened this season, only nothing seemed to mean anything… characters had the same conversations over and over again until the point where I had to seriously consider if they were all just stupid. luke is murdered at the end of s1 and I think, oh the war is on. then after two episodes, I don’t think he’s mentioned again? then we have blood and cheese and oh so NOW the war is on… and THEN IT ISN’T?? the characters strangely walk on eggshells without realising they’ve already pooped their pants twice

daemon’s character development would’ve been cool to see if paced correctly. the tripping balls of it all wasn’t the problem but the fact that it overstayed its welcome. on the other hand, what could’ve been interesting character development (or engaging filler at the very least) was simply glossed over or cut entirely because what do you mean jace spent 10 days in winterfell trying to be a good heir and bring the north to their cause and we didn’t get to see any of it? and no, the final 2 minutes don’t count

and don’t even get me started on the show’s reliance on soap opera miscommunications and turning every female character with a scrap of agency into saints whose mistakes only come from other people’s accidents or a lack of intelligence to think them through. removing a female character’s flaws is not feminism, it’s just another form of misogyny and adding an episode or two, or a cgi battle to the end of the season would not have made it any better. I hope beyond hope that s3 will be better but seeing how the writers shifted blame onto hbo makes me sincerely doubt it

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Julia Carrie Wong at The Guardian:

At the dawn of the second Trump presidency, defiance has given way to compliance. While Donald Trump has rapidly and ruthlessly thrown the federal government into unprecedented chaos, the leaders of the Democratic party have offered up little more than limp banalities and platitudes. “Presidents come and presidents go. Through it all. God is still on the throne,” tweeted the House minority leader, Hakeem Jeffries, at the end of Trump’s first week in office. Asked who was leading the caucus’s pushback, the Senate minority whip, Dick Durbin, told Semafor on 23 January: “I can’t answer that. Give us a little time.” Another senator said, “We’re obviously in a bit of disarray,” though Senate Democrats have arrayed themselves enough to provide bipartisan support for a number of Trump’s cabinet appointees. For the leftists and liberals who had hoped to see the opposition party mount some kind of opposition to Trumpism, this spectacle of capitulation has inspired a new historical analogy, or at least a new insult. La Résistance is dead. Welcome to Vichy France.

“If you want an analogy for the present state of America it’s perhaps not an out-and-out fascist regime, but a Vichy regime,” wrote John Ganz, a left-leaning author, in a Substack newsletter on 21 January. “It’s partly fascist but mostly just a reactionary and defeatist catch-all. It’s a regime born of capitulation and of defeat: of the slow and then sudden collapse of the longstanding institutions of a great democracy whose defenders turned out to be senile and unable to cope with or understand modern politics.” Ganz was not the first to invoke the collaborationist regime that administered part of France after its rapid and spectacular defeat by Germany at the beginning of the second world war. In November, after Joe Biden welcomed Trump back to the White House and promised a “smooth transition”, the political cartoonist Ted Rall reimagined their Oval Office meeting as an updated version of the infamous handshake between Adolf Hitler and Philippe Pétain that marked the fall of France’s Third Republic and rise of the Vichy era.

“Unlike you fascists, we promise a smooth transition of power … to you fascists,” Biden/Pétain says to Trump/Hitler in the cartoon, titled Aloha to the Vichy Democrats. Indeed, “Vichy Democrats” has become an increasingly popular expression of disgust with the feckless opposition party, whether in viral tweets (“The Vichy Democrats are really proud of themselves for peacefully handing over the country to a person they said was a fascist,” wrote the X user SxarletRed in response to the California senator Adam Schiff’s boast that the Democrats had certified Trump’s election without launching a failed insurrection) or a headline by Esquire (“Vichy Democrats take note: the Republican Congress is coming for everything”). On the alternative social media site Bluesky, the senior US senator from Pennsylvania, best known for wearing gym shorts to Congress and his recent rightward shift, has been deemed “John Fetterman (D-Vichy)”. Others have used “Vichy” to denounce Jewel for playing at Trump’s inauguration (“Add one more to the Vichy list”), to characterize cooperation with immigration enforcement by a university (“This Vichy behavior should never be forgotten”) or as a sobriquet for entire institutions that are perceived as being collaborationist (“Vichy Twitter” or “Vichy media”).

Vichy France refers to the rump state that administered the unoccupied parts of France after the German invasion in 1940. France had defended itself doggedly in years of trench warfare during the first world war, so it was a huge shock when Hitler’s forces broke through the French defences in a matter of days and began to march on Paris. With the military on the verge of collapse and the government in crisis, some French leaders argued for a retreat to north Africa, from where the army could regroup and fight on, while others – believing German victory was inevitable – argued that an armistice would ensure the safety of the people of France and its captured soldiers. Ultimately, it was a beloved hero of the first world war, Marshal Pétain, who signed the armistice with Hitler. Under its terms, the southern half of France would remain free of German occupation and be administered by Pétain’s government from the spa town of Vichy. Though Germany eventually occupied France’s entire territory, Pétain remained the nominal head of the Vichy government until the end of the war, when he was arrested, tried and found guilty of treason.

This column about Democrats being Vichy collaborators to Trumpian authoritarianism in The Guardian is a solid on.

Democrats should be a real opposition party, not a collaborationist one.

[taking-your-hand]

Hi! Welcome to a cozy haven, made for YOU! 😁

I made this because I want to offer a place for people who feel despised in fandom to take refuge. Specifically, people who have been, are being, or even fear being dogpiled/ostracized for their art, fan interests, or association with anything accused of being ""proship"".

And to be clear right off the bat: I generally understand "proship" to just mean the belief that one can indulge in fiction about horrible things without necessarily being horrible themselves. Proship is a belief. But a lot of people accuse things of being "proship" too (for example, calling a fictional pairing "a proship" or calling the act of indulging in taboo kinks "proshipping"), because the people who attack what they perceive as "proship" believe that proship means "content that endorses pedophilia/incest/abuse/etc." and/or "supporters of those things".

And frankly, at this point, the label is useless, but I just want people to know, in no uncertain terms, that this is absolutely not an, "uwu you were criticized for being a child predator, lemme support youwuwu" blog. I especially have to make this clear because some of the people I intend to give support to do not identify as proshippers, so they might genuinely have a different interpretation of what that word means and then get the wrong idea of what I'm saying, ya know?

Anyway!

You do not have to be a proshipper or enjoy taboo fiction to send an ask. In fact, I made this with neutral- and anti-shippers in mind, because fandom bullies absolutely do not discriminate. I've seen them attack totally sfw, non-shippy art. I've seen them attack other "antis". And I know there are some people out there who are mostly in anti circles and are afraid of stepping out of line. I know there are people who do not like dead dove content and have no desire to make it, who still get attacked. People who actively go after others to appease their friends, and still get attacked. People whose first language isn't English, who get attacked for not conforming to American cultural standards.

But here, you are safe from all of that.

You do not have to out yourself. You can give as much or as little detail as you want, to keep your identity safe. And I will listen and be here for you, and try to provide links to other understanding spaces too.

Whether you want to vent about being in a sticky situation with your friend group, or want advice or new perspectives, or want to send positivity to other followers of this blog, or if you just want me to share your GoFundMe or something... I'll try to give everyone a spot!

Unfortunately, I do have to set some boundaries so that I don't hurt myself. I wish there didn't have to be any limits on how much support I can give you, but I can't emotionally handle talking people through things like a therapist would. That's why I chose to make a blog instead of opening my DMs. Asks and Answers are my sort-of middle ground. For that reason, I can't have extended conversations about this in DMs, but I will answer your asks with as much care as I can.

I want to reach out and help, I really do. But I'm just as messed up as everyone else and I need to take care of myself, or else how will I even help others? ovo

If you also have friends who will support you for who you are, I strongly encourage you to reach out to them too! My friends and loved ones have been wonderful to me when I've gone through awful times, and even when I've made genuinely bad mistakes, and I've made massive strides in self-improvement partially due to their support!

Thank you for reading, and welcome to the blog!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Here's a set of resources for people who have been harassed online.

For proshippers, there's a server called Profiction Hub that directs to other servers, all of which are proship-friendly, but may have other rules that don't fit your needs (such as some being anti-endo and some having a maximum age cap). Only some of them have either of these rules btw. One server is even open to neutral-shippers as well.