#I am well aware that there have been pride flags in the past created and intended to perpetuate harm to marginalized people

[autisticgayplushie]

I will delete this in a few hours because I don't like to leave these things up on my blog that is dedicated to queer affirming plushies but to all those who are leaving upset messages in my ask box regarding the vinician puppy design - I did do extensive research beforehand in regards to which mlm flags to use! If you have concerns about the ocean mlm/vinician flag I will ref this post to you which has sources and clears up several misconceptions about the flag. tldr (but I seriously recommend reading it) the creator of the flag is a completely different person than the problematic person who people often claim is the creator, and all pride flags take influence from each other.

it is important to me to spread queer positivity which is why I aim to be as inclusive as possible with my pride puppies. I was requested to make a mlm puppy quite a lot and I initially did not want to use this flag due to the controversy I had seen around it. Because I wanted to be inclusive I looked into it and learned that what I had heard was incorrect and changed my perspective.

[bryantspeed]

Season 2 Good Omens spoilers

Long rant incoming

Now that I’ve finished crying I wanna talk about the ending and some gut punch reactions I’ve already seen from other people. A repeated sentiment I’ve seen from Aziraphale and Crowley’s separation after the kiss is that “we don’t need more tragic queer endings” and that Our Flag Means Death and Good Omens suffer from straight writers writing queer love that fails in the end. And there are a few problems I have with those sentiments

The first being, BOTH GOOD OMENS AND OFMD AREN’T FINISHED? Like Neil Gaiman has stated in the past that he and Terry Pratchett envisioned 3 seasons in the TV adaptation of Good Omens, and we have definitely left off on a very interesting note for the third act to pick up from. This is the furthest thing from an ending as we can get.

Second, Season 2 of Good Omens very much shifted away from the idiot plot of Season 1 to truly make it a love story and emphasize that above all else. Hell, both Crowley and Aziraphale both point out romcom tropes that they find attractive and attempt to use them to make Maggie and Nina fall in love! Good Omens may be a self aware romcom, but it would be wrong to say it’s not still a romcom that subscribes to those tropes and utilizes them fully! We are ending the second act on a three act romantic story, and what typically happens then? The romantic leads, despite their mutual attraction and desire, split on ideological grounds and leave each other with regrets heavy on their lips (no matter how powerful a kiss is). Queer love stories do this too! Look at the movie “Bros”, they have this same 3 act structure, as does “But I’m a Cheerleader!” where we are screaming at Graham to please just run away with Megan but she is prioritizing her financial safety and family above her own desires.

Hell's sakes, look at the pinnacle of Romance, the brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell diamond robbery, Jane Austen! Pride and Prejudice also follows this format where Elizabeth and Darcy are ideologically and emotionally split apart, and it is not until Darcy and Elizabeth grow and change for the better that they come back together in the most romantic scene to ever grace the world! "One word from you will silence me forever. [...] You have bewitched me body and soul". What I am trying to say is, Aziraphale going back to Heaven with Metatron is an extension of that common romance trope, splitting our star crossed demon and the too-trusting angel apart to prepare for the third and final act.

And ya know the funny thing that would have certainly happened even if they ended up together at the end of the second act? They would have been split apart very early into the third act. Stories are born of conflict, no story worth telling is one that culminates in "Nothing bad ever happened and we just watched our two lovebirds go on dates and explore each other's bodies for six hours!" Love stories thrive on setting up conflict, so that the romantic leads can fight and claw and work their way back to each other in a much more satisfying emotional climax than if the sloppy, rushed confession that Crowley gave Aziraphale had worked. Stories where the leads end up together in the middle of the story itself don't tend to end well for them (See Romeo and Juliet, "La La Land," "Titanic," et cetera). That is how you end up creating a romantic tragedy.

Third, while “We want queer stories that don’t end tragically” did have a place in film criticism at one time, and a time fairly recently, I feel that sticking to that now when there are a lot more stories that express queer joy and love (especially if you look beyond just major studios, support indie filmmakers, and support the SAG AFTRA and WGA strikes!!!) limits the kinds of stories we can tell. A genuine benefit of today is that there are a lot of queer stories that we can tell, and I’ve been lucky to read a lot of them. The freedom with which we can create stories about us is breathtaking. I've had the privilege to read many well written queer stories, but I've also had the strange privilege to read poorly written queer stories that I can't fathom how they made it past editing. There’s a fierce joy I carry knowing that there are a plethora of queer stories that I can read now, and that more are being created, good and bad.

My point is, there are so many queer stories to be told, and that are being told, so limiting queer media to “must end happily” is exactly that! Limiting! If we go in to every story with the foreknowledge of a happy ending, well frankly that’d be so boring! I want tragedies! I want fucked up characters not fully resolving their problems and being left in situations arguably worse than where they began!

And while I doubt that's the direction Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett wanted to take their supernatural love story, if Aziraphale and Crowley, despite all their struggles, are tragically separated because of metaphysical forces beyond our wildest imaginings, then that would be something new! It'd be interesting if done right! As painful it would be to not see Aziraphale and Crowley together gallivanting off to Alpha Centauri, I'd much rather see a story that has these sorts of stakes for both the characters and the audience!

Anyway, the reason for this rant is just to say that I'm excited for where Crowley and the new Supreme Archangel Aziraphale go in their final act, and by god will I impatiently wait and see.

PS: to those that I saw dismissing Good Omens' and OFMD's cliffhangers for coming from straight writers, Taika Waititi literally came out as queer, and Neil Gaiman had boycotts on Sandman in the 90's because of his queer characters, and his loving portrayal of Wanda, a trans woman that I will protect will all of my heart.

[readyfreddy]

Pride night project update: Saturday, April 29th

I've put around two and a half months into this project, and I am beyond proud of the work that I've put into this. As of right now, I have not presented to anyone on the team. For this reason, I will be delaying posting my results, presentation, script, works cited, etc... I look forward to sharing a modified edition once I present and get confirmation (or a lack thereof) for my project.

In short, it's currently in limbo, and I have a lot of thoughts regarding it.

The team owners and management are currently discussing how they want to move forward with their "theme"(1) nights for the upcoming 2023-2024 season. If ownership decides to go forward (2), my manager and game day operations manager want me to present.

To be honest, it's frustrating. I've put 75 hours into this project, on top of work and school, for free. This is something that I'm genuinely passionate about, and as much as I would like to be paid for this, that is the least of my concerns.

One of the biggest risks that I've taken coming forward with this project has been indirectly coming out to many of the higher-ups of the organization (3). Although I have not experienced any discrimination regarding my identity, part of me fears that this may make things awkward in the future.

Not being out to my family also makes things awkward. They don't know about my project, how much I worked on it, and how proud I am of my efforts. I also can't reach out to relatives who work for other teams for connections with teams that had successful pride nights this past season.

I understand that many people think that "politics should stay out of hockey." The rights of millions worldwide shouldn't be politicized (although they are in many places), the rights and livelihood of the LGBTQ+ community are not political. Furthermore, I am aware that some countries have "anti-LGBT propaganda" laws; which include, but are not limited to displaying rainbow flags, and showing general support to the LGBTQIA2S+ community (4). I do not want to risk the safety of a player or their families. However, I do not tolerate homophobia and transphobia at the individual level (5).

My goal for this project is to help create a positive and meaningful pride night that promotes education, inclusivity, and representation of the queer community. I also want to show young fans (who may grow up queer) that they are welcome here and in hockey as a whole.

By showing younger fans that homophobia isn't tolerated at the professional levels, it will hopefully change hockey's homophobia problem from earlier stages of sport development to the top levels of the sport.

Once again, I am beyond grateful for everyone who has contributed. I could not have done it without you. I appreciate all the support that I've received over the past two and a half months. There is still a long way to go with this project, as well as tackling homophobia in hockey. I am always more than happy to discuss my project with those who want to learn more.

💛,

Kyle Carson 🏒🐴🏳️‍🌈

(he/they)

Footnotes:

(1): I understand that pride night is technically a theme night, it feels weird and mildly condescending to put it as "theme." Being LGBTQIA2+ is not a "theme."

(2): I have no idea what they mean by "go forward." They will be having theme nights regardless of what I do.

(3): I'm out to most of my coworkers, and I have had no issues. However, they are not the ones who sign my paychecks, decide who to bring back for the next season, etc. I hope that my project proposal will not impact future employment.

(4): This is a massive over-simplification of these laws. I do not understand the extent of these laws, and how they carry into other jurisdictions (such as an import player playing in North America).

(5): People may come from cultures and/or countries that are often viewed as "traditionally homophobic." People can also learn to be more accepting towards the LGBTQ community and are not constricted to their previous ways. I'm not asking for special treatment over others, I'm asking for equal treatment that I, as well as others, have not received in the past.

[durmstrange]

Blow Your Mind - Fred Weasley

Hello and welcome to another Fred Weasley fic!  This is inspired by Blow Your Mind by Dua Lipa.  Hope you enjoy!

Plot:  “enemies” to lovers trope (enemies in quotes because its more of a rivalry to lovers trope)

Word count: 2,208

In all honesty, you thought Fred Weasley was the most stubborn, annoying, and insufferable person you had ever met.  His cockiness, his blatant disrespect and disregard for rules, and his superior attitude drove you absolutely mad.  Ever since first year, when the two of you started fresh at Hogwarts, you couldn’t stand him.  From his initial prank on you, which was only a dung bomb released in the dormitory you shared with Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet, his close friends, you could barely stand the mentioning of his name at times.  

Unfortunately, he was very much in your life.  Angelina and Alicia were your closest friends, and also good friend with him.  George Weasley was kind to you, typically only being an accomplice to Fred’s pranks on you, not the mastermind behind it all.  The relationship you had with Fred was rather complicated, as neither of you truly hated each other.  You weren’t exactly friends, either.  Rivals, at best.

You had thrown such a fit after his first prank that you soon became the target of his tricks then, as he found it so amusing when you were worked up. Over time, you began getting back at him.  It was rather elementary tricks you’d pull, like putting a bucket of creature droppings above his door, nabbing all his clothes from his dormitory, spare a too small sweater, and hanging them in the courtyards, or even sabotaging his pranks on others.  All through the years, you kept your revenge to yourself for the most part, and Fred was clueless as to who constantly tricked him in return, and typically pinned it on Lee or George, never suspecting you, as far as you were aware. 

During your fourth year, Fred began to prank you more than ever.  In fact, his pranks were getting more and more complex, earning the least bit of respect from you. One prank you’ll remember for the rest of your life was right after the Halloween feast.  You had stopped in the library for a moment, finishing up a final essay for the night.  Fred must have been following you, as when you finally left the library and headed towards the Gryffindor common room, you stepped on a tripwire, immediately making your blood run cold.  

Blue dye rained down from above you, coating your uniform, white shirt and all. You could hear Fred cackling from up the hall, but you were too busy wiping the dye from your face.  “Fred Weasley, I am going to end you!”  You took off down the hall after him, leaving a trail of dye down the corridor. 

For weeks after that, your hair remained a brilliant shade of blue, not fading until almost Christmastime.

Just a week or so later, Fred found his bed sheets, pillows, and blankets all strung up in the Astronomy Tower, flying in the wind like a flag for all of the students to see.  You could recall his fury as he blamed Peeves for this prank.

During your fifth year, you decided to step it up a notch after Fred’s constant pranks.  He had began creating his own prank devices, so his work was rather sporadic and creative than years prior.   

One morning, as you sat with Angelina and Alicia in the Great Hall, your fingers drummed against the table as you were lost in your thoughts.  There were thousands of possibilities flying around your mind as to what you could do to embarrass Fred in front of the entire school, but one particular idea stood out to you.  A small smirk formed on your lips as you settled on your plot.  

After a few moments, there was a small jab in your side, bringing you back to your friends.  “What’s that look for?”  Angelina asked hesitantly as she looked at you skeptically. 

You looked up, fighting the smirk that was forming on your lips.  “Oh, nothing.  Just thinking about the upcoming match,” you mumbled in response as you reached forward for a muffin from the large plate.  “Can’t wait to see what’s in store.”  Just as your hand reached the muffins, the entire plate jumped and the muffins exploded, sending bits of muffin all over your robes, your face, and in your hair.   A gasp left your lips as you flinched back.  Immediately, your voice roared through the Great Hall as the other students began to laugh.  “FRED!” 

Angelina and Alicia had bits of muffin on them, but nothing like the crust that covered you in your entirety.  A groan came from you as you wiped at your face.  “About time she quieted down.  I don’t know how the two of you can listen to (Y/N)’s mouth all of the time,” a smug voice spoke from in front of you.  Your eyes wandered up, spotting the red headed devil standing in front of you, across the table, with his arms crossed over his chest.  He was lucky he was out of your reach, or else you might of strangled him at that moment.  

The laughing in the Great Hall wouldn’t subside.  You, however, fought back the tears forming in your eyes.  “If you don’t like the way I talk, why am I on your mind then, Fred?  You’re always playing tricks on me, so you must like the way I say your name,” you replied cooly as you stood and brushed off your robes, but it was no use.  “Just wait until you see what’s coming.” 

“I’m so scared,” Fred taunted you as you stormed away from the table.  “Pathetic she won’t even fight back.”  His voice loomed in your ears as you shoved through the hall with your head held high, ignoring the other laughing students.

 ~.~

“I know that look,” Hermione said to you as you stood in the stands, your arms over your chest and a smirk remaining on your lips.  There was an unsure look on her face that only made you all the more proud of your work that was soon going to be shown.  “Harry said you borrowed his cloak last night.” 

You laughed gently, pushing your Gryffindor scarf over your shoulder.  “I did.  Was up half the night, actually,” you confirmed to her as Madam Hooch stepped out on the field, the wind about blowing her broom from her hand. The crowd cheered at the sight of her.  “Rather windy today, isn’t it?”  Your voice was smug as you smiled into the wind.

Hermione let out a soft breath and held a nervous look on her face.  The Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teams stepped out on the field, forming a circle before mounting their brooms.  The students roared at the teams, but you remained silent, your eyes on a single player.  “Watch Fred,” you instructed Hermione as you leaned your hands on the railing in front of you, a haughty look on your face. 

Hermione did as she was told, as did Ron, who listened in on the conversation. “Since when do you pull pranks?”  Ron asked aloud, but your eyes watched Fred as he ascended from the ground.  

“Always,” you answered shortly as the wind whipped at his cloak.  Just before Madam Hooch started the game, you watched your hard work shine. 

The faux layer of Fred’s cloak broke loose, as you had only tacked it in place with three stitches, revealing large pink letters across the real crimson red material, spelling out “(Y/N) IS THE PRANK QUEEN” on the entirety of his cloak.  Each letter was hand stitched in place, accounting for your lack of sleep, and making it nearly impossible for the lettering to come off in the wind.  The crowd erupted in laughter, the Gryffindor team joining in, at least those who could spot the words across the ginger’s back.

Madam Hooch started the game regardless of the distraction, and Fred realized the crowd was howling at him.  A confused look formed on his face as he glanced around, trying to figure out why, and after a quick visit from his twin brother on his broom, Fred twisted to spot the bit of pink writing he could see on his own back.  His eyes shot the crowd, spotting you in just a moment.  You had expected him to be furious, but there was an amused and incredibly happy look on his face.  You gave Fred a contentious wave and wink, earning a quick head shake from him before he took off, joining in the game.

Despite the distraction of Fred’s mainly pink cloak, Gryffindor won the match and a party ensued in the common room.  With a drink in your hand, you leaned against one of the desks and chatted quietly with a fourth year, who was praising you for your prank.  As the team entered the room, your smile turned to a smirk as the fourth year ran off to greet them all.

You remained back, allowing all the other students to greet the players, and waited for Fred to find you, because you were sure you were going to get an ear full. 

After about twenty minutes, the team dispersed into the crowd, finally able to break free from the congratulating.  You watched as Fred spotted you, a smirk coming onto his face.  You moved to sit on the desk, your feet swinging above the ground with a prideful smile on your lips.  “Well, do a spin for me!  Let me see my work,” you instructed him once he was close enough to hear you.  With your finger, you did a spinning motion, only making his smirk grow.  

Regardless of the hard feelings you shared in the past, Fred turned, allowing you to see your work on him.  “Prank Queen?” he asked incredulously as you giggled, covering your mouth and he turned to face you.  “You’ve got a lot of catching up to do before you earn that title, you know.”

You mocked being offended.  “What?  My years of pranking you means nothing?” 

Fred looked confused at your words.  His smirk faded as he came to terms with what you meant.  “You mean to tell me it was you?  The buckets, the bedding, the clothes, all of it?” 

Proudly, you nodded.  “Those and every unsolved prank in between,” you confirmed as you crossed your arms over your chest.  “I suppose I’m not so pathetic after all, am I?” 

For a moment, Fred was at a loss for words.  It wasn’t often that he got like this, but for this moment, looking at the person he hurt and tormented for the last four years, he couldn’t find the words to properly express how he was feeling.  “You’re bloody brilliant,” he finally stammered out, his face red at his own words. “I knew it!” 

A gentle blush formed on your face.  “Well, the games have only begun, Weasley,” you teased him as you reached forward, taking the edge of his cloak. “Listen, if you leave me with this for the night, I’ll remove the stitches and get the lettering off,” you told him and ran your finger along the Q in ‘QUEEN’.  

You released his cloak, looking up at Fred.  “I think I’ll keep it on, actually.  I’ve got a spare one I can wear for games,” he explained with a crooked smile.  

You laughed, shaking your head at him and swinging your legs once more.  “Whatever you say, Fred.”  You rolled your eyes and sipped your drink as he leaned against the desk next to you.  

“You were right, you know.”  Fred’s words lingered in the air, making you tilt your head to the side in confusion.  “I could listen to you say my name all day,” he murmured low enough for you to be the only to hear his words. 

His voice rumbled in your head as your face grew warm.  You held the cup to your lips to hide the smug smile on your lips.  “Are you coming on to me, Fred?”  Your own voice was low and sultry, and you waited his eyebrows raise. 

“Is it working?” 

For a split second, you weighed your options in your head.  Before you could process much of your own thought process, your words fell from your lips, “Rather well, actually.” 

Fred smiled, taking your chin in his hand and turning your face so that you had to look at him.  His large, calloused hand caressed your cheek as he caught your lips in a kiss.

From across the room, George leaned against the wall with his arm around Angelina, watching his twin kiss her dorm mate.  “Do you think she finally told him that it was her pranking him all these years?” 

George chuckled, pressing his lips to the side of Angelina’s head.  “He was starting to catch on, anyways,” George admitted with a faint smile.  “The last one, where she took all his cloaks and hung them on the suits of armor, they came back spelling of her perfume.”

Angelina snickered quietly.  “I’ve got to admit, that was my doing.  While (Y/N) had all his cloaks in our dorm, I sprayed a few of them in hopes that he would catch on.”

George raised his eyebrows, impressed with his girlfriend.  “Well, it was only a matter of time before they got together.”

-

durmstrange’s Taglist:  @starlightweasley​ @theweasleysredhair​ @whiz-bangs78​ @hufflepuffgirly​ @tonksichu​ @toomanybandstocare​​ @mentally-in-northern-italy​​ @alwaysasadaesthetic​​ @through-the-little-door​ @clandestinecherry​

Weasley Twins Taglist: @wand3ringr0s3​ @kpopgirlbtssvt​

[big-rambles]

The Unlabeled Flag and DNF

Disclaimer: I'm not unlabeled, and I do not mean to disrespect anyone. This might be a little unhinged.

As far as I am aware, this is the popular/common flag used for the unlabeled identity.

I sort of fell down a rabbit hole with it. Without trying to drag in any CC's that aren't necessary, I was watching a recent Tubbo stream, where he opens with his opinion on having the Unlabeled term pushed onto him. It's not super important to where I'm going with this, but it made me think:

Who made the unlabeled flag, and are they unlabeled?

With other pride flags, there have been issues with what the flag represents and the intentions behind creating the flag. An example that comes to mind is the various iterations of the lesbian flag.

I'll try my best to link everything and provide screenshots.

With a google search, I found:

Specific slide: https://unlabeledinfo.carrd.co/#five

I don't have Twitter, so I used the website to find the handle. Also, I have no clue how to use Twitter, so bare with me. No account came up. So I instead put the handle in google, and I found an account that I am very heavily assuming is the creator of the unlabeled flag above.

All of this information is public. I am not doxxing anyone.

To further support this, I checked the LGBTQIA+ Wiki:

"It is unclear who created the four stripe unlabeled pride flag, but its first use was by Twitter user lwtroses.[2] It also may have been created by Twitter users LOVERSHSLOT and fearlesslyhaz.[3] The colors have particular meanings: green represents freedom, white represents understanding, blue represents acceptance, and orange represents flexibility."

So this is the same person as @lwtroses (lwtsroses?) and @dwtroses. @LOVERSHSLOT has moved accounts a million times, but they seem to be a friend of dwtroses.

Anyways,

Q: Is the creator of the unlabeled flag unlabeled?

A: Yes!

But I decided I had to know their intentions, as well.

They're a fan of Dream and the Dream Team. Now, I will give absolutely no opinion on Dream, nor will I claim this is even a bad thing, let alone a cancelable thing. Next, I saw they had a carrd linked.

Now, I feel like I have to clarify that this person is very young, and by no means should anyone send hate to them. Even if you disagree with them.

Points that stood out to me were:

I picked up the mentions of being against TommyInnit, c!Tommy stans, and technotwt/sleepytwt. Again, I don't have Twitter and thus have no opinion on these communties.

They also have a private account linked.

The Actual Point

This is where I will get into theorizing territory. Would it be so presumptuous as to assume that the creation of the flag might have something to do with Dream and his friends, given the creator is a Dream stan?

Ignoring how absolutely unhinged I sound right now, let's look at the timing. The unlabeled flag is very new. The oldest use I could find was 2020-ish. Dream also tweeted recently, clarifying his identity as Unlabeled (he hasn't directly said those words, but that is how his fans took it, and I will do the same for the sake of my argument). He has also hinted to being unlabeled in the past, around 2020.

Next, let's look at the color palette of the flag. It's a pale green, white, pale blue, and a pale orange. What are the color palettes of Dream? Green and white. What about the whole Dream Team? George's is blue, and Sapnap's is orange, as far as I know. Green, white, blue, and orange.

Let's look at the DNF flag:

You'll notice the flag is green, white, blue, and red, in that order. You can look at the unlabeled flag at the top of this post for reference, but if you remove the the top darker green and then desaturate the image, they are near identical to each other.

In the original tweet from Dream, he points out that he's mentioning this because of his fans shipping him and George:

What I am proposing is that the creation of the unlabeled flag stemmed from DNF. More specifically, someone's urge to see it come to fruition.

Concluding thoughts and further disclaimers:

The unlabeled flag can be separated from its origin. This is not a post to persuade people to stop using it. This is also not an invitation to argue about the validity of having a flag in the first place. Those who want to use the flag can use it, and those who do not, don't have to.

Do not harass anyone in this post. If you don't agree with their politics, their fandoms, or their cc's, keep it to yourself.

If I have worded something wrong, my research is faulty, or you have information to add, be respectful. Excuse if this is formatted horribly. I've never made a post this long in my life.

[hankwritten]

Litany

Gen, 2k

Part of the DontNeedADiscord Pride Week, Day 1: Flag

“And what is the meaning of these?”

It was a good idea not to make Miss Helen pissy. She was the Boss around here, and not in the way Miss Pauling was the boss, but like the Boss with a capital B. I wasn’t exactly sure if she owned the building, or maybe the company, or maybe she was just our lawyer so we shouldn’t tee her off because of that, but the way Dell had explained it making her mad was a good way to have your desk packed by the end of the day.

So, I’d have to be very delicate about this. “They’re pins, Miss Helen,” I explained extremely politely. “It’s the first day of Pride Month; I thought everyone could do with a little company spirit!”

“Spirit?” The T on the end of the word popped like a firecracker. Miss Helen could make nice words like spirit or rainbows sound like she was actually saying dog doody. “And how exactly do these pins make you…prideful?”

“They’re fun!”

When she didn’t react, I at first assumed it was because she couldn’t hear me so well through my respirator, but then I considered what I knew about her and wondered maybe she simply didn’t know what fun was.

“Look,” I said, placing one in the palm of her hand. “It has a flag on it! I was thinking as people are coming in during the day, they can pick them out and wear them if they want to, just to show off a little color. See? This one is the bigender flag.”

She held it up and examined it like a jeweler inspecting a diamond. “And you find this…fun?

“Yeah!”

She waited, as though expecting the fun to start radiating out of the pin like a hand warmer. “…You certainly have quite a few of these.”

It was true. Along with the usual lollipops and stickers I kept at the front desk (the former being exclusively for clients and never-ever for sneaking myself one, no siree), the scattering of buttons took up a good chunk of counter space, with as many varieties as I could find. I didn’t want anyone to feel left out, so I’d just kept on printing until I had over three dozen.

“Very well,” Miss Helen said finally. “If it is good for company spirit.”

I clapped my hands in delight, glad the party wasn’t going to get shut down before it even started. So palpable was my relief, I didn’t even notice that Miss Helen hadn’t given the button back.

I didn’t have time to worry about it though, since just then Dr. Ludwig came in through the glass doors. He was normally the first one after me, as he always liked to get an early start down in the lab, and we’d developed a morning routine as fellow early birds.

“Dr. Ludwig!” I said, waving my hand, partly to get his attention and partly to show off the new gloves Dell had gotten me. The rubber ones had been so hard to type in, but these were nice and concealing as well as colorful. “Happy Pride Month! Do you want a pin?”

“Guten Morgen,” he greeted warmly. “Ah, buttons?” He picked up the closest one. “Pride buttons, I see.”

“Here you go!” I said, shoving a bi pin in his general direction since he’d shown interest.

But, to my surprise, he didn’t take it immediately. “Ehrm…” he said, staring down at the circle of metal.

“…Is this not the right one?” I withdrew my hand. Was I misremembering? “I’m so sorry, I guess I forgot…”

“No, no I did say that, didn’t I.” He ran a hand through his hair, sending its usual prim style haywire. “It is just…” He coughed lightly into his fist. “…Would you allow me to confide with you for a moment?”

Immediately, I pulled out the spare footstool I kept behind the counter, patting it as Dr. Ludwig came through the counter doors and took a seat. Our early morning chats were normally something to look forward to, shared over a donut or coffee he’d brought into the office, but today he just seemed run down. As he tucked his heels onto the stool’s crossbar, he rubbed his face.

“You know I am not as…up on all of this as some of your generation, ja?” he began.

“Millennials scare you,” I nodded, pulling my legs into my swivel chair.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say that,” he huffed. “It is…well when we had our first conversations, and it was explained to me, it seemed to fit. At the time. Having to reconcile beginning a relationship with Mikhail when I still was not quite over Frida, nor really sure why things had fallen apart with us there.”

I remembered. “At the time? But not anymore?”

He sighed, ruffling his hair even more. “Now…now I am not so sure. Being with Mikhail is…quite different than any of the thirty years Frida and I spent together. I am starting to wonder if it was more just that I held extreme affection for her, and I was inexperienced enough that I was able to mistake it for attraction.” He chuckled humorlessly. “I thought I was so in love with her, and that’s why I never even looked at another woman. Töricht.”

“I don’t think that’s dumb,” I shook my head. “Everybody’s learning new things all the time. You can’t be expected to have everything sorted right after coming out.”

“Yes, I suppose,” he said. “But I still feel…guilty I think. Several of our coworkers are proudly attracted to both men and women, and I am aware that treating such a label as a ‘phase’ is a crude stereotype they have to deal with. I’d rather not have anyone think I was making a mockery of them.”

“It’s not a stereotype if that’s what’s really happening.” I patted him on the shoulder. “No one’s going to see it like that. If you think that’s where your journey is taking you, then there’s no shame coming out a second time.”

Dr. Ludwig responded to my words with a hopeful, if not entirely convinced, look behind his spectacles.

“Here,” I said, handing him both a bi and a gay pin. “You don’t have to wear either of them, this is just for fun after all! But if you change your mind…”

He looked at the two pins in his hand, then smiled tiredly up at me. “…Thank you mein friend. You are always helpful to talk to.”

“I try to be!”

After a few more assurances, the Doctor did eventually leave for the lab. Right on his coattails, Dell and Marcel came through the front door.

“Hey there, firebug,” Dell greeted. “What are you gettin’ up to here?”

I gave the quick rundown, pulling my shirt to highlight my own pin since I’d forgotten to show it off to my first two customers. “Pick any one you like!”

“Bear in mind I am saying this as a queer person,” Marcel said, sniffing down at the massive mound of multicolored circles, “this is all quite tacky.”

“Aw, learn how to have some fun, Spook,” Dell said, elbowing him in the side. To show him up, he claimed a pansexual pin for himself, and shot me a wink.

Marcel did nothing but sniff; but, when he thought no one was looking, I saw him discreetly sneak one of the pins off the counter as he left.

After that, the morning’s influx picked up too much to greet every person individually, but during lunch people saw fit to swing by and check things out again.

“Hi buddy!” Miss Pauling greeted. “I heard you were giving out Pride pins and wanted to see if- why are there so many lesbian ones?”

“Well!” I said, ecstatic to launch into an information dump. “The oldest of these is actually the ‘lipstick lesbian’ flag which, in absence of a more generic one, was used without the kiss mark in the corner. The one with the orange stripes wasn’t created until 2018, to be more inclusive all different lesbian groups.”

“Okay, but why does this one have an axe on it?”

“That’s the labrys!” I took the purple and black pin from her hand, pointing as I described, “the double bearded axe was used by the Amazons in Greek myth, and reappropriated in 1999 for its symbolism in female empowerment.”

“Wow,” she blinked down at the five different designs. “That’s really cool, except for the fact I have no idea how to use an axe.”

“I bet Tavish could teach you, he loves his Skullcutter.”

“…I’ll think about it. I’ll just take this one for now.” She picked up the orange five-stripe variation and pinned it to her purple shirt.

“Looks good!”

“Thanks!” she grinned. “And it was really nice of you to do this.”

“Honestly, the pleasure’s all mine. I just like seeing everyone happy.”

And everyone was! At least it sure seemed that way, even if it was kind of hard to tell with Mikhail. After lunch, he lumbered past my desk, picked out a gay pin, and put it on without so much as a smile. I took the muted grunt to be that of satisfaction

Tavish was next, dropping off half a roast beef sandwich since I’d forgotten to eat today, and instantly becoming my favorite person. While I was chowing down, he swiped two trans and two bi pins from my collection.

“Wadda you need two of each for?” I asked, quite a feat with my mouth full of roast beef and my respirator hanging halfway around my chin.

“Haven’t you heard?” Tavish asked with a raise of his eyebrow. “They just dropped a new identity: double bi. It’s twice as potent as regular bisexuality.”

I tilted my head, blinking perplexedly from behind my lenses.

“Ah, just a joke duck,” he assured. “The spares are for the husband.”

“Oh, right.” I swallowed down my mouthful. “I actually haven’t seen Jane at all today?”

“Ach, he came in earlier than you. Left at five this morning.”

“What? How?” I shook my head. “I’m the one who unlocks the doors.”

“Said he was tired of waiting for your ‘lazy, unpatriotic behind’ to start the day at seven. His words, not mine.” Tavish smiled apologetically. “He broke into one of the lab side doors.”

“…I bet Mikhail had something to say about that.”

He sighed. “That he did. They’ve been at it for hours. If there’s another office-wide prank war tomorrow, you’ll know why.”

Oh no. That’s how we lost our last two coffee makers, and our last seven office hamsters. Tavish assured me that it wouldn’t get out of hand, but by the time Mick showed up near the end of the day, my mood was somewhat dampened.

“Everything alroight, Campfire?” he asked me. “Ya look glum.”

“Just thinking about the impending damage to all those nice posters I put up in the breakroom,” I said sadly. “But! If you’ve come here to pick out a pin, that might cheer me up a bit.”

Mick chuckled in that cute little way of his, and already I was smiling. “Might have.”

We were close enough that I was ninety-five percent certain which one he wanted, but I’d learned my lesson with Dr. Ludwig and didn’t try to pick it out for him. Still, I let myself entertain a self-satisfied grin as he picked up the aroace flag.

“Hey uh,” I said. “If that’s the one you like, and uh…since I know you’re into archery…”

Carefully, I opened one of my drawers and extracted the special pin I’d made earlier, Mick watching me curiously all the while.

“Someone on the internet made this design,” I explained. “It’s for an aroace, arrow-ace!”

The flag was blacked out in several places to make a bow and arrow shape, and Mick grinned as he took it from my glove. “Clever.”

“Do you like it?” I asked hesitantly.

“Well, let’s see.” He pinned it to his vest. “Looks pretty good ta me.”

I couldn’t keep my stomach from doing a little flip at that. When Dell showed up, the last to leave the office for the day, he could tell I was smiling even through the mask.

“Everything go well, partner?” he chuckled. “You look pleased as punch.”

“Everything went great! Even Scout came by, although all he did was say ‘hey, free crap!’ and dumped a bunch of pins into his pocket.”

“I’m glad to hear the attempt at company spirit was a success,” a voice from behind Dell said, making us both jump. Miss Helen emerged from the shadows, her purple jacket an entire mass of pride pins, nearly one of every kind. When had she gotten all those? Had she been paying Marcel to sneak them out while I wasn’t looking? “A happy work environment is a productive work environment, as I always say. Well done, secretary.”

“Can’t remember you ever saying that, ma’am,” Dell admitted blandly.

“…Why do you have so many?” I asked.

“These are…fun…are they not?” she sniffed. “I am having…fun.”

Huh. Maybe this is just what she looked like when she was having a good time. I shrugged. “Glad you enjoyed yourself Miss Helen! Does that mean it’s okay to do it again next year?”

“…You have my permission.”

With that, she strutted out, and Dell shot me a grin. I scooped the remaining pins into my bag and closed up the front office, chatting with him on the way to the parking lot about how we could mix things up next year.

[bisluthq]

Hi Nat!! In honor of pride month, I just wanted to let you know this. I’ve been following this blog for the past 8 months now and in doing so I’ve learnt quite a few things. Some slightly weird (y’all really push the limits on this one lmao), some insightful (hello GrammyGate and celeb discourse) but most importantly, I’ve learnt a lot about sexuality/fluidity in general, even though I thought I understood/knew what there was to know about it in the past.

Enter the pandemic + me taking a year off studies + tiktok (it’s embarrassing how much self reflection stemmed from this) + the discovery of ‘bisluthq’ and it was a real wake up call.

I thought I was straight due to the completeness of everyday life, crushes on guys, and being with guys in general but alongside all of that I’ve also always felt this inexplainable attraction to women. I’d notice/pay attention to them in more detail?? compared to men as well as feel this sense of awe and wonder whenever a woman was too beautiful to comprehend (which rarely occurred with men). I’d also always notice their physical appearance, mainly the tutors, from a pretty young age and I’d tell myself I was just appreciating the way they looked (wow she’s so pretty/beautiful/perfect).

As I got older, I realised that sometimes certain people (Natalie dormer rail me challenge) and certain situations ended up doing more than just leave me in awe, but rather turned me on. A lot. And I was so confused, so much so that I refused to even think about it or acknowledge it. Like I’d watch a movie/see this pretty girl talk to me/watch literal wlw porn, get turned on in multiple ways and be like, ‘well that was fun, how interesting’ and still consider myself straight if someone asked what my sexuality was.

This blog (and several others) helped me understand and learn about a lot of things. I started to understand and pick apart how I felt and whom I felt it for, I learnt about the Kinsey scale, I learnt about fluidity, I learnt about the non binary spectrum and so many more things and eventually came to the conclusion that I was, in the simplest of terms, queer.

In terms of ‘labelling’, I’d come across TONS (literal tons) of discourse over the bi/pan labels and how inclusive each is allegedly is and ended up deciding on bisexual because I liked the flag colours better the pansexual one (apparently that’s a thing, so I’m doing it) and ever since I did, I felt like I was free-er?? (Despite not telling anyone, lmao.) But each like, comment, reblog, repost, retweet I made regarding my sexuality made me feel so much lighter, and very true to myself in the midst of everything going on rn and I’m fairly certain I couldn’t have come to this conclusion in the same educated/informed way as I did if it hadn’t been for this blog and the incredibly safe space you’ve created here, and for that I wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like you and the space that comes with this blog is a safe escape to learn, chill and/or clown your ass off but I do want to express my gratitude. I hope this ask finds you well and I most certainly hope your future-vaccinated self finds a bombass girl to be the Joe alwyn to your Taylor swift or whoever you want them to be. I hope that you’re safe and healthy and stable. I hope that this blog will continue to be a safe space for whoever needs one. I’m well aware that I may not have had the most difficult, confusing or terrifying journey but this blog provided an outlet that was safe, therapeutic and educational for me and I can only hope others can find it just as or if not more helpful.

I’m low-key in my feels I guess as i suppose this is my first pride month where I don’t just wish people good happy healthy safe vibes as an just ally anymore because I’m more than that now. And I felt like you should know because now there’s another player on the team lmao. Anyway, thanks for existing and Happy Pride Month, y’all!

This is SO fucking nice. I really have sat on this message for a little bit because I like... enjoy rereading it. A lot. And as much as this blog is mostly just for dumb entertainment purposes and like jokes and clownery, this is at the core of what I am trying to achieve. I'm hoping people - however many, whether just you and Roommate Anon or like a couple others - feel less alone, less confused, and more normal from reading us here.

Because we're not alone, and that's what Pride's for. And we are normal, and that's what Pride's for. And we do generally tend to be confused but eh, that's what the rest of us are for, so we can figure it out together.

I'm really happy for you babe, and am wishing you even more happiness and lightness in the future.

Sending so much love, and Happy Pride to you (too).

[aromagni]

Change Through the Aro Renaissance (Carnival of Aros, September 2020)

I have both witnessed and participated in many changes of the aro community.  I remember being a baby aroace in 2015 and mostly lurking as I followed many aro and ace blogs.  Back then, it seemed the aro community was mostly the aroace community, more linked to ace, not yet having developed its own identity.  I remember trying to find more ways to engage in the aro community and stumbling upon aroplane, which was an aro forum before arocalypse, but I think it was inactive and I’d looked for forums during the absence between the two.  After lurking and solidifying my confidence in my identity, I’d kinda drifted away from actively participating in the community at all for a little while, so I’m not particularly aware what happened in between; I’m vaguely aware the arocalypse forums were created in 2016, but it seems in my absence from the community in 2016-2017, much of what had been there had become lost, presumably decimated by the tolls of exclusionary discourse.

In 2018, I was in college where I could be more outwardly queer, and I started seeking out community more.  On one hand, engaging with college queer organization made me want to bring more visibility to ace and aro things, especially aro….during this time, I met many alloro aces who I couldn’t relate to, which started pushing me towards centering my aro identity more.  I remember wanting aro-spec awareness week recognized at my college and in trying to do so, realized the arospecawarenessweek tumblr had become inactive, for they had not updated the date that year.  I started following more aro tumblr blogs and joined the forums and then joined an aro discord server that spring, and that was when I started to truly engage in the aro community.

It was exhilarating interacting with other aros, both on discord and then how we carried that over to tumblr.  I fondly remember the coining of arogender and subsequently developing the flag for it.  We all followed and reblogged from eachother and it made it energizing to engage in the community because we could feel confident that the effort we put forth to create things would not be wasted, because our content was shared amongst ourselves in our tiny community.  Many of us blogging starting then had not really participated in the aro community before; many of us were my age, late high school to early college student aged, treading into actively participating in community for the first time, and thus our knowledge of our history and our terminology was distorted by time and viewed by the remaining crumb trails on the internet.

This was the time when our community was reborn, reborn from the ashes of the discourse and created into something new, a more independent aro community brighter than we’d ever been before: This was the aro renaissance.  In fact, “aro renaissance” is part of the blog title we used when we made aromantic-official in May 2018.  I’d had the idea because I noticed most of the older modded aro blogs of old had become dormant, and it would be good to have some sort of group ensuring the continuation of events like Aro-spec awareness week and maintaining resources like a glossary.  At the time, we were thinking small in the context of a tumblr blog, but it was a start.

I remember around December 2018, many flags were made.  There was the blue-orange aroace flag and shortly after I made an aroace flag of my own, and then an a-spec flag, and then there were other a-spec flags too I think; we were wanting to differentiate between a-spec, an umbrella term encompassing both aro-spec and ace-spec, from aroace, a specific identity indicating being both aro and ace at the same time...though there’s still some confusion between the two in terms of flag usage still.  Shortly after, there was also an aro allo flag made, and the allosexual aro community grew as a more distinct established component of the aro community; no longer was the aro community solely an aroace community, we had become an independent aro community.

In late January 2019 I’d went to the Creating Change conference, where there was the first ever aro & ace hospitality suite and I interacted with other a-spec activists, including people from the fairly newly named TAAAP (The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project).  It was refreshing seeing the advancement of aro activism as more than just a subset of ace, and interesting to see the development of activism out in more the “real” world rather than just on my corner of the internet.  I remember then hearing how they were planning to host the first carnival of aros (inspired by the longer-running carnival of aces), and since then it has been nice having carnival of aros to foster discussion of many aro topics.

I remember that first carnival of aros coinciding with a lot of clashing between the aro and ace communities, sparked even more by the specific topic of the month relating aro and ace communities.  I think we, the aro community, were frustrated at being ignored.  The ace community had continued to grow and gain recognition and visibility, while claiming to represent us as well but in a way that was more a misrepresentation, depicting aro as a subset of ace, thus further erasing the reality of our experiences.  We were frustrated and bitter, often justifiably so; even I as an aroace was frustrated with the ace communities treatment of aros at that point, and I know many aro allos were even more upset.  I think we were also still less sure footed, with our community still establishing-itself, so as a result were more defensive and scrambling for anything we could claim as our own, often misguided by the often incomplete or misinformed scraps of posts around different words and such.  (In hindsight I think there were some inaccuracies in my first carnival of aros post that february, but it was an accurate look at what we were frustrated and upset about at the time).

I remember also that February more was done to celebrate ASAW than had been in years previous, though it was still small.  I also remember some divisiveness between the aroace and aro allo sides of the aro community, which caused an unfortunate binary which subsequently emphasized the need for terminology of aros who were neither asexual nor allosexual, thus many discussions about “non-SAM” aros, and other words for that concept.  I think that continued well into that summer.

Speaking of that summer, in June 2019 AUREA was launched!  This one wasn’t started by me, but naturally I ended up pulled into doing more aro activism stuff.  AUREA (Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy) has wonderful resources including a comprehensive glossary with links (both original and archived) to sources and some flags, and also has various research and lists of other aro-inclusive orgs, including local ones.  We also publish multiple articles a month, including a “What’s Going On” article at the start of each month covering what’s going on in the aro community, and then other articles about various topics.  AUREA is everything I’d wanted when originally making the aromantic-official blog, but is so much more than I thought to hope for.  We collaborated with other activists and made ASAW 2020 even bigger than before, and we also launched an aro census, and just so many different cool projects.  It’s so cool having a good comprehensive centralized aro resource like AUREA and just having a specifically aro activism organization focusing on aro issues specifically, not just having aro included under aro & ace groups.  I’m really proud of what we’ve been able to do and what we continue to do.

I feel like in the last year since AUREA has been formed, the aro community feels a lot more solidified and stable, like we’ve finally concretely established ourselves as an independent entity to be recognized.  And even though we’re more solidified, we’re still growing and creating and innovating, there’s still this wonderful energy and motivation which we continue to grow with.  Some other things have happened this year, in April 2020 we had to kinda scramble to keep the arocalypse forums going, and now I’m a mod there too because I don’t seem to know how to not be involved in things, especially because I vehemently care about seeing them continued.  (Why is it always spring? 3 springs in a row I’ve gotten involved in big ongoing aro projects like that).  Then June 2020, TAAAP pride chats started and have continued every month, which is a really cool opportunity for people from the a-spec community, both ace and aro, to gather to discuss various topics, and also to interact with various a-spec activists.  

It’s been really fascinating watching and helping to aro community grow over the past few years, and I feel like I’ve grown with it.  Through my activism, I’ve learned a lot about what I am good at and how I can work well in a team, which has helped me gain a lot of confidence about things where in-person experiences had made me lose confidence.  It’s also kinda wild when I think about the scale of it all; the aro, and also ace, communities are really fairly small, such that it’s not hard to end up doing this activism on a national or international scale.  I never really set out to be an activist, I just wanted to get involved and cared about improving things and have lots of ideas, so I kept doing things, and now I look at what I’ve done and realize that huh this is activism, I am an activist, and probably a rather prominent aro activist at that.  It’s weird especially compared to how extremely ineffective I feel I’ve been at doing any sort of activism at my college, to then think of what I’ve managed to help accomplish on an international scale online.  I feel inspired by the changes, the growth of the aro community, and I look forward to helping it grow even more.

[womenhoodlooniness]

Mean Girls: Codependency Edition

//TW: Bullying, codependency, narcissism 

This is pretty much a two-parter with another post which I’ll link here. 

So as I mentioned in my previous post, I was ashamed with the realization that my private school girl dream was a not a perfect one. Most of the time it was a fun experience, but like everything else, there was underlining flaws. 

Including the girls that liked to bite back for no reason. 

It’s a shame that not every girl was supportive, friendly, and/or understanding. Sometimes it did kind of plagued the comfy, tight-knit environment the school sustained. Especially since if one thing was said, then next thing you know it becomes a thought in everybody’s minds. 

It was even more weirder since I was a freshman at this new school where I knew nobody. So having to deal with such behavior was always an odd thing because it was either A) I didn’t even know the person to even say such a thing about me or B)  I JUST GOT HERE, HOW IS MY QUIET SELF SO WEIRD TO YOU. 

I think part of the frustration also came from some sort of “culture shock” because I grew up in a school where it was predominantly Hispanic (Thanks to Chicago’s segregation) and now here I am dealing with a bunch of white girls judging me right off the bat. 

Where’s the femme support? I thought we were all gals for crying out loud?!?!

However, there was this one comment I will never forget. The comment that changed my entire life. This comment had a tremendous amount of impact with what had came after. This comment exposed me to a whole new kind of weirdness and uncomfy-ness. 

It was the start of my CODEPENDENCY. 

Me: “Sorry what did you say? I was not listening.” 

X: [Not even being talked to] “Oh that’s probably why you did not get the scholarship.” 

Other girls at the table: *Appalled by what has been said*

Me: *Staying quiet and confused by the weird fuckery these young white girls tend to have for some reason*

BUT YES. IT WAS WITH SOMEONE I KNEW. AND IS THE SAME PERSON THAT DID NOT CARED ABOUT ME BEING BULLIED BY Z. 

Unfortanely, before you know it, we became close and best friends later on...which was of course, 

a HUGE MISTAKE. 

So we became friends at first because we had the same music taste. So I guess from there on, she did not find me weird anymore. Z was still around but she probably did not want me around. She was most likely still bothered by me with my weird looking face and deep voice...

I must admit, there were fun times. I actually needed a friend. Which was probably the second red flag, other than being a good friend of my bully. I say this because this school had a unwelcoming taste to me that I so ignored and having a buddy by my side definitely soothed things out...out of desperation perhaps...

Especially since I was going through some rocky roads with my best friend and boyfriend at the time that I was afraid of losing. Basically, I really did feel like a damsel in distress. 

So what do I do? 

Be friends with somebody that I have a minor thing in common with. 

There were times of annoyance with X that made me question if she was a good friend for me. It was mostly her underlining “bully” humor which I’ll explain more in a bit. Not only with how she found Z’s “jokes” about me funny, but overall how she found the pettiest things funny. 

One time I cracked my phone so bad that I kind of felt like crying and just bothered by the whole situation. X ended up laughing which soon felt like she was laughing at me in the situation. I was too bothered by realizing that which made me whisper to her “fuck off” and other things because it really did not feel like a laughing manner. 

BUT there would be other times where she was going through something even though she did not feel the need to laugh if I poked fun at it. 

It’s as though X can take a joke if she is not perceived as the butt of the joke. Basically, where’s the fairness in that? 

I must admit, these kind of experiences where not as strongly considered as they should of been. To be honest, the desperation for X grew more, especially during sophomore year because I was also going through a rocky relationship with a guy so anything helped during that time. 

ANYTHING for myself to feel okay. 

During junior year was when the codependency grew stronger. We both needed each other’s comfort (Well, at least I did) since we had transferred to different schools due to the private school closing down. It did not help since I was having more trouble adjusting to my new high school, especially since the people who I thought were my friends flaked out on me. 

I had essentially became a lonely wreck since feeling lonely would crush my soul as soon as I would feel an ounce of it - anytime, anywhere, 

So we would facetime hours on end. Did our very best to stay in touch...

Junior/Senior year was definitely the year where the codependency was strong because there was numerous times where X would belittle me for what I knew/not knew. I was very much blinded by the codependency since I took this as guidance and advice. But there would be times where I feel so exhausted from listening to her and/or feeling like something had to be said to me. 

It’s as though X took advantage of my frail self while I was being overcome by the comfort of even having a friend around. 

There was times where I needed space from any kind of social interaction so I would put my phone on “Do Not Disturb” which later on she kind of demeaned me for it by saying 

“You know you can silence your phone while leaving the vibration on, right?”

Another time she yelled at me because I thought the concept of mail-order brides was stupid. But before I can explain myself (with a mind of my own) she got angry and started to explain how such a thing is necessary or what not. 

X was not willing to listen to me, but I was numbed to listen to her. 

Of course, the codependency broke me a whole lot that I never come to thought to stand up for myself. It made me blind to all the red flags. If anything, it’s as if I had forgotten I had a mind of my own. 

I was forgetting who I was, without having to have somebody beside me. 

X’s guiding voice started to have a patronizing tone to it. I was starting to realize that somebody I had looked up to was showing her true colors of being a burnt out gifted kid that felt like she had to be listened to. 

I guess I was never cool to her. I was always just the weird but nice girl to have around. 

It was during freshman year of college where I finally started to realize that maybe we did not need to be each other’s friends anymore. I started to take the red flags more seriously as they came along. 

I started keeping note with how I was more so becoming a friend in the background whenever X and Z and I hanged out with each other. I started to feel like more of the friend they had to invite. I just knew the other times they would hang, it would be responded with 

“Oh, we did not think you wanted to come.” 

Of course I started to accept with that potential thought, until it hit me that they actually could give less of a damn about me in their lives. 

I should of known when they complained about having to drive to my house to pick me up as it was across the tracks and would always ask when I would get a car...if they were really my friends then they would be more than glad to have me join along. 

No matter how bumpy the road would be. 

Every visit to X’s house and every hangout with both X and Z started to feel more weary and more awkwardly new every time. They would be sitting right across from me but I slowly started to feel like I did not know them anymore; they were becoming strangers to me. 

I would never forget what Z had said to X during one of the many times to tell her off....they also had a concerning friendship too of “bantering”

“Let her speak. Stop speaking for her like you always do.”

Z knew.

Overall, I realized X was not willing to see me grow and become a new person. I also accepted how X was not going to change her ways. My last straw was when she told me off about my relationship. I had put my trust in her to talk about such things, not for her to backstab me with information and to be the “know-it-all” of every situation. 

I got sick of it. 

It really bothered me. I found it disrespectful. Better yet, I bet you she does not even find it bothersome herself. I bet you she’s proud of what she said. Because that was her main thing: Not owning up to her actions. 

In other words, not knowing when she has done wrong. 

She was blinded by her own pride. 

After what happened, everything started to become more and more bleak as months went on...pretending to forget about each other. I had officially cut all contact when I had to change my phone number; we haven’t talked ever since last May. 

The best I can do now is accept my past self and improve/create a new one for the future. One that involves becoming the friend I wish I had but for other loved ones in my life. That in itself is a kind deed I’m willing to commit.

It is heart breaking to come to realize that X’s flaws really got in the way of our friendship. I went through so much shit with her only to be aware that she’s not a good friend for me. And to think I had a best gal pal that helped me through so many heart aches, girl drama, etc. only for me to think that it was all probably out of pity. 

Who’s to say if she still saw me as the weird girl that she met in freshman year, and nothing else?

X’s flaws does make me feel like something else was up with her besides being the gifted kid who had to grow up fast. Something tells me that she possess a narcissistic behavior. 

Having to be the “know-it-all”, always listened to, not accepting when they’re wrong, not taking accountability...

It was even worse since I so much of a naive, insecure girl back then. So anything that would of conquered over me, I would of just let it happen without even realizing. Making me not come to touch with the many red flags as well as having X liking how I was in a frail state of mind sometimes. I could not think for myself so it was easy for myself to become a puppet. 

I was easily a target for her desire to feel needed. 

I don’t want to be the ignorant person who’s making a diagnosis through a freaking Tumblr post but, one would wonder. In fact, I am probably the only one wondering and that’s okay! I was the one that got affected by her extreme behavior so I think I at least have the right to wonder if she does possess such a behavioral trait. 

I mean for crying out loud, X thought she did something when she tried to insult me for not getting a scholarship that she won. Mind you, that was our first interaction together too! 

But I am aware that perhaps codependency may not be the best term to describe our past friendship. Perhaps something like “one-sided” may be more appropriate but hey, this is what I saw and what I experience. 

Overall, I have a feeling this is more than just internalized misogyny. Who’s to say if narcissism is intertwined with such a concept? Severe or not? With that said, how many more femme friendships need to be ruined until this is seen as a serious issue? I remember telling my current girl friends: 

“Generally speaking, if we ladies don’t have each other, supporting each other’s backs, then we’re fucked.” 

I do find it ironic how X and Z would love watching David Dobrik (Another shitty Youtuber being cancelled) because of his "humor” of poking fun at things but turns out he could also be a sociopath/narcissist too, especially with the latest drama there is of him.

I guess life does imitate art. 

[dailytomlinson]

“There were times I struggled to find my place in the band,” Louis admits today.

But it’s often the quiet ones you’ve got to look out for.

Behind the scenes he was very much centre stage: Louis was the mouthpiece, constantly fighting the boys’ corner and acting as chief negotiator between band and management.

“Being from Doncaster,” he says, “I’ve never had a problem with telling anyone ‘no’.”

“There was a while when I was worried I was getting left behind – some of the boys are on to their second album now,” he says, taking a draw onthe first of several cigarettes. “At times, I’ve been swimming against the tide, working out who I am. I was trying to find a way back into the industry, thinking of it mathematically rather than going off feeling and emotion.” 

He’s referring to collaborations with Bebe Rexha and Steve Aoki in 2016 and 2017 respectively, which, although successful, weren’t where his heart lay. With Kill My Mind – the exhilarating ’90s-inspired opening track of the album Walls – he sets his stall out with a clear departure from anything he’s done before.

Walls is about regret, reflection and ultimately, hope, and feels like Louis, who sings in his still-broad Doncaster accent, has finally found his voice.

“I’ve always wanted to be autobiographical and honest. And in the last six months the songs I’ve written and recorded are of a better standard because there’s an honesty there,” he says.

Honesty certainly characterises the album, sometimes devastatingly so. There’s no escaping the fact that Louis, 28, has faced unimaginable pain over the last few years.

“It wasn’t until after I’d written it that I realised how much vulnerability I’d put in there,” he says. “When I first performed it… I had fans coming up to me in tears telling me their stories, and that’s not something I’ve ever had before. And to do it on that level about something so delicate… It was really cool to take something so dark and make people feel like that.

“I had to get a song like that off my chest. It was difficult writing about things that felt trivial compared to what was going on in my life. There was, I think, a necessity to write that song before I could move on creatively.”

Understandably, Louis won’t talk specifically about Félicité. But when asked about how grief has shaped him both as a man and an artist, he pays tribute to Jay.

“I think it’s a credit to how my mum brought me up that I have a resilience,” he says. “There’s nothing I want less than to have people feel sorry for me, so having that mentality has helped me through the hardest of times.

"I’ve also felt a real support system through my fans. I’d always felt it on a lower level, but when it’s something so impactful and life-defining, I really did feel it from them.”

Days after Jay’s death, Louis appeared live on The X Factor to perform Just Hold On with Aoki.

He was clearly in pieces and it was hard enough just watching, but somehow he held it together, presumably thanks again to that resilience.

“Sometimes it’s fight or flight,” Louis explains. “And the way I was brought up and because of where I’m from, I only see one option in that situation. I also wanted to put myself second and do it for my mum.

"That moment was bigger than me and it was actually incredibly liberating. It used every bit of strength and power and I look back on that performance as one of the proudest moments of my career.”

He says he tends not to suppress emotion and is able to share his darkest points with those he’s closest to.

But as the eldest of Jay’s seven children (five girls and two boys), he also feels a huge weight of responsibility towards his younger siblings and hasn’t had any professional therapy himself.

“No, no, nothing like that. That might be down to a bit of Northern pride, but I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and that drives me. I’ve got siblings who look up to me and I’ve got my grandparents as well. So all those things keep my head screwed on.

“My mum had a massive influence on me and I lived with a lot of sisters in the house, so I do find it easier to speak about my emotions. But I’m also from Doncaster, where to be a guy is to be tough and traditional and I feel like [there are] times where pride kicks in and I just say I’m all right.

"I’m lucky that I’ve got good people around me who I can trust and who I can be completely vulnerable with and say how I feel. Nine times out of 10, I don’t bottle things up. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

They sold 20 million albums worldwide, earning over £40million each, but the pressures of fame were, at times, intolerable. Louis says they were only able to keep their heads screwed on because they had each other.

“You can never be prepared for that. It was such a head f**k. But we grounded each other so the minute one of us acted like a d**khead one of the others would say: ‘Stop being a d**khead’. I see people in this job surrounding themselves with superiority and they lose the concept of the real world.”

He remembers doing a shoot with the band for Pepsi over in the States with American footballer Drew Brees.

“This guy was like a god and we were insignificant when he was around, which we understood. But I’ve never seen anything like it. Every sentence that came out of his mouth he’d have an audience of hangers-on in hysterics.

"These people were so far up his arse and he didn’t have one good joke. He had no banter! I still hang around with my boys from Doncaster and I hear real stories all the time, which helps me understand the world that unfortunately I don’t get to see. Having empathy with people and a connection with the world is imperative for any songwriter.”

Harry Styles recently said that he never touched drugs during his time in the band (although he’s made up for that since), because he didn’t want to “mess it up”. Louis smiles as he confides that he can’t say the same.

“All I’ll say is that I did my fair share and enjoyed my time in the band. It’s right what Harry said and it was smart of him, but I definitely had a lot of fun in the band. I was always aware of how amazing the opportunity was, but also enjoying the moment for what it was. I lived like anyone else my age – the difference was that I was in One Direction.”

He’s in touch with Harry, Niall and Liam “sporadically” (we’ll come to Zayn shortly), but they’re all on very different paths for now.

“If we all went to a pub tomorrow it’d be like we’d never left. The enormity of what happened in One Direction creates a massive bond and we’ll always have that.

"There have been times when we’ve done each other’s heads in. There might be something I say in an interview that bugs Liam or vice versa, but we all know what each other is like and we can call each other up and say sorry for being a d**k. We’re like brothers.”

But that’s not necessarily the case with Zayn, who quit in 2015 and with whom Louis has had a turbulent relationship since. He was hurt when Zayn was the only one not to turn up at the X Factor studio to support him through his performance after Jay’s death, despite promising to be there.

Then there’s Zayn’s apparent repeated digs. In one interview he branded 1D’s music “generic as f**k”. There’s a difference between making a break from the past and dismissing it completely, and it’s a line Zayn perhaps hasn’t always managed to walk.

“Hmm,” agrees Louis, cautiously. “Other than maybe Niall, there is no one who is prouder of the band and the songs we created than me. But while what I did with One Direction is relevant, it doesn’t define who I am and I don’t struggle to make that dissociation.”

Does he think some of what Zayn has said has been disrespectful?

“Yeah, I do. But I can understand it. We have a lot of situations where we’re sat in interviews and if you’re in a certain mood you might run your mouth. The older you get the more you can tell if these things actually carry any malice or if they’re just a prod in the back. That’s life, innit? Sometimes people chat s**t and that’s the reality.”

He’s not ruling out resolving their differences in the future, but there’s no olive branch on the horizon.

“No, but I’ve not actively tried. We’ve all got a lot on our plates and there might be a day where I wake up and think: ‘OK, I want to right that wrong’, but not yet.”

After being in his company for a while, it’s not hard to see why Louis was 1D’s driving force backstage. He’s thoughtful, articulate, open and self-aware, but there’s a steeliness to him and the requisite pop-star swagger, which doesn’t seem to spill over into arrogance.

And that is reflected in his music, which is heavily influenced by the Arctic Monkeys, The Smiths and Oasis. In fact, the title track and latest single Walls sounds so similar to Oasis B-side and fans’ favourite Acquiesce that Louis’ manager flagged it as a potential issue.

“These kinds of things happen. There are only so many melodies you can write and if you listen to a band all the time like I do with Oasis…”

Anyway, says Louis. He had to make a choice.

“I was ready to risk it, but everyone said we should get in touch with Noel [Gallagher] so we did. Often the industry, and especially Noel’s world, can be a bit snobby and say: ‘F**k you you’re not using this song’. But he was really cool about it, signed it off no problem and although I’m sure he’s not happy about this, I f**king am, I’ve got a writing credit from Noel Gallagher on my album. That is some sick s**t so I’m buzzing.”

Is he nervous about going it alone? “I think I’ve got a good record so I’m confident. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t little bit nervous – there’s three and half years work gone into it so there’s a level of anticipation.”

The most overwhelming emotion though, is relief.

“Because it’s taken such a long time. I’m excited to go on to the next phase of my career.”

[bytheangell]

something to be proud of

(Read on AO3)

New York - 2016

‘I’m married,’ Alec reminds himself as he walks hand-in-hand with Magnus down the city street toward the sounds of a crowd not too far away. ‘I’m literally married. To a man. Why am I so nervous about this?’

He’s never been one for crowds or large public declarations. And this certainly is a crowd making a large, public declaration. Perhaps that’s why being present at Pride for the first time is such an intimidating idea for him. When Izzy first suggested they all go he’d been entirely against the idea. It’s just some ridiculous mundane event anyway - after spending his entire life feeling shame over his sexuality he isn’t sure he can just flip the switch from guilt to pride, no matter how confident he is in his own relationship with Magnus. He still feels a little self-conscious within the walls of the Institute from time to time, or in Alicante for meetings with the Clave… he hates that he is, but a few decades of concealing his true self and conditioned oppression don’t undo themselves overnight, not even with the love he now has working against them.  

It isn’t that he’s embarrassed, because he isn’t. He’s just not sure he’s ready for rainbow flags and parades. At least, that’s what Alec thinks as his small group of friends (Izzy, Simon, Magnus, and Underhill) finally reach their destination.

He couldn’t have been more wrong. The moment they enter the area blocked off for the day’s events Alec can’t keep his eyes in one place. There’s so much to do, so much to look at. His gaze is drawn to booths selling clothing and jewelry, another with flyers for awareness of groups or events or causes, others set up with food and drinks, and even stages for performances. That’s on top of the entire miles of street which are sectioned off for a parade later in the day.

It isn’t until his eyes drift from the things around them to the people that it hits him. Everyone is smiling. Everyone is laughing. Even in the middle of the sweltering mid-day summer sun there isn’t a single person who looks like there’s anywhere else they’d rather be than decked out in colorful face paint or wearing flags around them as a badge of honor.

Magnus gives Alec’s hand a squeeze. There was no denying Alec’s previous apprehension over going to the event and Alec’s thankful that Magnus made it very clear he wouldn’t judge him in the slightest if he’d rather not go for any reason or leave early once they got there, no questions asked.

“You alright?” Magnus asks, catching Alec’s wide-eyed gaze.

“More than alright,” Alec confirms. He’s never been in a space so open to who he is, one that’s not only tolerant of his identity but entirely welcoming to the differences of the people surrounding him. It strikes him that, aside from his own wedding when he stood among the support of family and friends, this might be the first time he’s felt a sense of total acceptance of everything he’s ever thought or felt or wished for himself.

Alec lets go of Magnus’ hand to allow that arm to reach around his husband’s waist, easing into the movement with a smile on his face. “I’ve seen it on the news before, you know, but actually being here…” Alec trails off, not quite sure how to put what he’s feeling into words.

“It is nice, isn’t it? Even if it’s just for a day, to have a space where you don’t feel like you have to defend your existence… where you can just be yourself without having anything to prove.” Magnus fills in.

And that’s it, Alec realizes. He feels relaxed here. He isn’t putting on a show. He isn’t trying to be the perfect balance of Shadowhunter and Husband. He isn’t on guard to make sure he doesn’t slip up because every little mistake he makes will be used in sly comments against him by those who would rather see him fail for everything he currently represents in the Shadow World.

“Yeah, it is,” Alec agrees, feeling without a single doubt or reservation a sense of belonging he didn’t realize he was missing and embracing it the rest of the day.

---

Idris, 2021

It’s a long time coming, Alec thinks, but it’s an event that so many in his own generation of Shadowhunters never would’ve imagined seeing. The first Alicante Pride, organized by none other than Inquisitor Lightwood-Bane and High Warlock of Alicante Lightwood-Bane - which is far from a surprise once word starts to spread. .

At first he’s a little worried. After all, despite the fact that he’s done everything within his power to make the Nephilim’s world as open and tolerant as possible there’s only so much one person can do. He can change all of the official stances he wants, he can create and plan new events such as this festival, but he can’t change public opinion and he certainly can’t singlehandedly undo centuries of inherited biases. He’s seen more LGBTQ+ Nephilim making themselves known the past few years than he had his entire life prior to his own marriage to Magnus, and the same goes for relationships between Nephilim and Downworlders. The stigma is fading, yes, but far from eradicated. He hears the whispers that follow him even to this day, even with as far as he’s come and the work he put into getting here.

“What if nobody comes?” Alec asks the night before the festival, wringing his hands together anxiously. He petitioned for the opportunity to hold an event like this for years, and if it flops it’d be giving everyone who told him no total justification for their bigoted decisions time and time again.

Magnus crosses the living room with a glass in his hand, grabbing one of Alec’s from it’s nervous fidgeting to place the drink in it instead.

“Relax, darling. It’s going to be a wonderful event whether two people show up, or twenty, or two-hundred.”  Magnus has every reason to be confident that the event itself is going to be fun: Alec did his research, hours upon hours of it, before even proposing the idea. He’s looked into (and talked with) the organizers of some of the best Pride festivals around the world, and pulled elements from all of them that would not only draw in guests but also provide a safe, comfortable environment.

He wants this to be a positive experience. He wants to show acceptance, and tolerance, and hopefully encourage more people who may still be hiding their true selves away that maybe they don’t have to keep hiding forever - that the world really is changing, or at least attempting to. But all of that hope will be wiped out in an instant if there’s any visible or vocal push-back. Security, as it stands, is a very select group of trusted Shadowhunters and Warlocks ready to remove any sign of trouble.

‘Raziel, please’ Alec thinks desperately as he forces himself to stop pacing and relax for a drink with Magnus before bed. ‘Don’t let there be any trouble.’

The next morning Alec is too excited to even think about eating breakfast, instead anxiously waiting for Magnus to finish his waffles and get ready so they can leave. When Magnus finally emerges from the bathroom with pink, purple, and blue streaks in his hair, Alec beams. This is it, they’re really doing this.  

As they step through the portal Alec braces himself for the worst. However, he finds himself pleasantly surprised (on the verge of totally shocked) at the sight that ends up greeting them.

It’s packed.

Mostly with younger Shadowhunters and Downworlders- some people his own age but predominantly early twenties and below. There are some familiar faces and many he never saw before, a mixed group that Alec couldn’t be more pleased to see mingling together as one while they  wander around some booths set up by volunteers. He even spots a couple of families walking the grounds with their children. Some are clearly part of the community while others look slightly more uncomfortable, a few clearly the parents of eager young adults who very obviously dragged them out here.

But they’re here and they’re trying, and Alec offers each and every one of them a reassuring smile and a few kind words of thanks for stopping out to make them feel more at ease.

“Excuse me,” a soft female voice from behind him speaks. “Mr. Lightwood-Bane?”

Alec and Magnus both stop to turn and then pause with an amused look between them, unsure which of them the woman is addressing. This isn’t the first time this has happened and Alec is certain it could happen a thousand more and he’d never get tired of it.

“Sorry,” the woman says with a quiet laugh. “Inquisitor Lightwood-Bane, I suppose I should specify.”

“Please, just Alec is fine,” Alec tells her. As he looks her over quickly, a woman only a handful of years older than himself if he had to guess, but while he looks at her he sees that her gaze isn’t on him - it’s on a young boy over by a table full of multicolored ribbons and flags.

“I just…” she starts again, her attention back on him. “I wanted to thank you.”

Alec steadies himself for whatever is going to come next. He’s had this sort of conversation before, the first time with Underhill and then dozens, maybe hundreds since then. He’s a little more used to them now but he still never knows exactly what to say (he still doesn't feel like he deserves any extra praise for simply being himself), so he waits for her to continue.

“My son is… well, he’s gay. Or at least he thinks he might be. And a few years ago I would’ve reacted a lot differently than I did when he told me yesterday because he wanted to come here today.” Alec remembers himself at that age, easily recalling how confusing those first inklings were that he wasn’t quiet like the other boys his age, the feelings that were more confusing than not at the start. What he can’t imagine is being able to talk to anyone about it at that age, what that might feel like to a child trying to understand themselves and how important that moment was for the mother .

The woman continues. “A few years ago I would’ve worried about his future and what kind of life he might have in our world... But I don’t have those fears as much anymore, and it’s in no small part to you. And your husband.” She adds, smiling over at Magnus.

Alec also chances a glance over at Magnus to see the warlock’s expression full of barely restrained pride.

“I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to hear that,” Alec says, meaning every word. “And how glad I am that he has you to support him.” The risks he took - and continues to take - are because they were the right thing to do. He never meant to blaze a trail - he’s just a guy who fell in love and followed his dreams. Sometimes he forgets that every time he speaks out for himself it makes it a little easier for the next voice to follow.

“I’m going to do my best,” she promises, and though she’s still talking to Alec her eyes are once more locked on her son and Alec knows it isn’t really him that she’s promising. “Anyway, I’m sure you have a busy day ahead of you. I just wanted to thank you, again, for doing things like this. I hope you know how much of a difference it’s making.”

Alec swallows thickly, only daring to nod at first until he can be certain he’d reply with a steady tone. “Thank you,” he finally manages just as she goes back over to join her family.

“Wow,” Magnus breaths out. “That sure was something.”

It was more than something, though - it was everything. All Alec ever wanted when he started putting these movements into motion, starting small with a talk at an Institute here or a small social event there, was to get to this point - to make the sort of grand gesture he would’ve ran the other way from half a decade ago because he understands the difference it can make. He knows nothing will ever be perfect in his lifetime but he’ll be damned if he isn’t going to make as much progress as he can while he’s here. He always said if he managed to make just one life better it would be worth it, and one look around tells him that the influence he holds now reaches far beyond just one life.

“This is the legacy you’re building, Alexander. And I want you to know how proud I am of it - and of you.” Magnus says at his side, turning to lean in for a quick kiss.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Alec says once they break away again. It’s almost too much for Alec to take in all at once so he allows himself a few minutes to simply stand with Magnus and process.

It isn’t often Alec allows himself to step back and admire his own handiwork. So often what he does is a matter of duty or expectation, nothing worth any special note. But this? This is different. A few years ago he couldn’t imagine a point in time where Nephilim like him might simply live a comfortable, honest existence... let alone one where they could openly thrive in a community of their own. And now, watching countless others experience that sense of belonging he strove to recreate today, embracing that initial moment of hope that maybe there’s a place for them in the life they were born into after all?

This is truly something to be proud of.

[itsclydebitches]

Dragon Ball. Dragon Ball Z Dragon Ball Super. Which is your favorite?

Oh, anon. You poor soul. You’ve activated my current obsession. Okay. I preface this by saying that DBZ, imo, is the CLASSIC. Frieza, Cell, and Buu? Iconic. DBZ is what I think of as the core of the DB franchise and I adore it accordingly. That being said… I’m really, really loving Dragon Ball Super. 

(And I’m totally gonna tell you why because you made the mistake of starting this conversation in the first place :D)

I’m just? A sucker for lore filled with fallible gods?? This is my long-lived love of Greek mythology rearing its head. Even back in DBZ the Supreme Kai was instantly a favorite of mine. Yeah, yeah, the whole fandom rags on him for supposedly being “useless,” but that’s precisely why I love him? He starts out as this mysterious, incredibly powerful figure–powerful enough to scare the crap out of Piccolo–and then very quickly falls off that pedestal, making him relatable and humanized. Shin clearly has a shit ton of trauma from, you know, watching Buu kill and/or absorb his entire family. He’s been forced to take on a job meant for five and he definitely hasn’t been trained (or at least fully trained) for this particular position. He comes to Earth expecting to use mortals as a tool, as one would expect from a high-ranking god, and is just totally blindsided by how powerful they are. It’s an instant double-edged sword. On the one hand hell yeah defeating Buu just got a whole lot more likely. On the other hand, existential crisis much? Who am I–who are all the gods–if we’re not intrinsically more powerful, knowledgeable, or spiritually sturdier than the mortals we watch over? Goku, Vegeta, and especially Gohan upset the presumed hierarchy. It’s why we get such a good dichotomy between Shin and Kibito. Shin rolls with this new information and embraces it fully. Okay. Mortals are stronger than us in so many ways, how wonderful! We can learn from them and rely on them, forming equal partnerships to achieve our goals. Kibito is stuck in his assumptions. How dare you set foot on this world? How dare you think you can pull out the Z Sword? How dare you think yourself equal to a god? 

It’s a familiar theme for DB: humanizing the latest, all-powerful entity. And each new introduction becomes more extreme.

Kami was our original god… who got some awkward moments. Then King Kai is the top guy…who loves lame jokes and lets Goku tear up his sacred planet in the name of training. Then Shin, Supreme Kai of the whole damn universe… who is also an anxious bean Just Trying His Best. It’s a theme I love because it upholds humanity (or in this case Saiyans adopted by humanity) as beings of endless potential. DB is all about pushing past your limits, but that doesn’t just apply to physical power. It also ties into upending the status quo; showing those who think themselves arrogantly better–in this case the gods–that no, we all have worth here. When the chips fall it’s mortals who consistently manage what the gods cannot, reaching a point where, ki-wise at least, they’re indistinguishable from gods, raising the question of why they were ever above them in the first place. They’re not. We’re all on equal footing once those assumptions are acknowledged and done away with. Ancient Kais can like dirty magazines. Supreme Kais can have panic attacks. Destroyers can love pizza as much as the next, average anime watcher.

Indeed, we see in the Tournament of Power that these rules now apply to Goku in his god state. He might have reached incredible power that everyone else thought impossible… but that doesn’t make the rest of the cast “below” him. It’s only because of his friends–presumably “useless” friends like Krillin and Tien–that allow him to enter the tournament and get as far as he did. It’s his old mentors who he has far outpaced that remind him he still has much to learn and who help Goku tap into Ultra Instinct in the first place. It’s a simple android we haven’t seen in years who manages to win the whole damn thing. The story consistently applies that same message of equality and worth to everyone, including our original paragon who has now reached the status of the very beings he’s worked to outpace. Rather than turning Goku into the hypocrite, DB keeps reminding him that no amount of power is going to change his or anyone else’s worth. He’s still BFFs with Krillin. Still married to Chi-Chi. Still needs other “weak” people like Bulma to help him when things get tough. No time machine, money, or strategic smarts? Sorry, no win.

In short, Dragon Ball Super takes that fantastic message and dials it up to 11. Now suddenly we’ve got a scary Destroyer God… who is easily swayed by tasty Earth food and a good nap spot. Angels who are equally humanized in their humor and love of mortal creations. An omnipotent ruler who is recognizably child-like. It both makes Zeno lovable and downright terrifying. He’s human enough to form friendships and use his power inappropriately. Zeno has the capacity to fall in love with a simple handshake as well as destroy an entire universe with the same detachment that we might, say, walk through an ant hill. Why did I do it? Because I could and no one has taught me yet that this might be something I shouldn’t do. Everyone has the capacity for growth.

And it’s so goddamn funny? Literally this scene is everything to me because it slams godly assumptions together with simplistic, mortal friendships, then lets that contrast play out. The most powerful being ever, creator of it all, the god that makes every other god shake in their boots wants… a friend? Okay! Our equally intimidating Grand Priest cracking up at this development? Whis losing his shit in the background? Shin straight up fainting? Goku pressing his shiny new god button because who DOESN’T press a button when you’re suddenly presented with one? All of it slays me. Forget stories where you endlessly bow before your supposed betters, knowing that you will never be able to even fathom their power. I want more stories like this, where the hero introduces enough kindness and brazen communication that it upends everyones’ expectations and fun, crazy new relationships form. Goku moved from utter shock at learning the Supreme Kai even existed to hoisting him over his shoulder like a drunk friend who is still refusing to head home. I love this weird-ass family.

All of which of course introduces the opposite as well. What if we’re given Zamasu, a fallible god whose imperfections don’t result in him becoming another quirky family member, but lead him down a path that endangers the entire multiverse? Though Super hasn’t commented on it explicitly yet, we’re also starting to toy with the idea of exactly how “human” the top gods are and how much growth they are capable of. For example, I’m fascinated by the Grand Priest. The anime makes him out to be far darker than he is in the manga, and I know there’s a disconnect between the two, so I’m not currently inclined to think that he’s the end Big Bad. Rather, he seems to actually have a stronger moral sense than Zeno–he comments on how awful it is that mortals riot and kill one another after learning about the Tournament–but as Zeno’s subordinate, and being well aware of how easy it can be to displease him, he’s not in a good position to sway him. We see him introducing tiny bits of logic to the Zenos (like stopping the fight between Goku and Toppo in the anime), but that’s a far safer thing to suggest then, say, “How about we don’t erase a ton of universes at once, hmm?”

Like his angel children, the Grand Priest ultimately exists to serve his Lord… but Goku and his friends are in no such position. Not as overtly, anyway. Created through evolution and developing their own ideals, they have the freedom to challenge and ultimately teach all those high-level gods, including Zeno. He says it himself in that clip: “No one will try. You can do what no one else can do!” Goku, both as a mortal and a very straight forward one, has the capacity to charge past those expectations and hit on something grand.

However, we see with Whis that, wow… maybe angels really are so far removed from us that they don’t care in any meaningful way. Whis seems like a friend, but when push came to shove he wasn’t very upset about his entire universe–and a Destroyer he’s known for who knows how many thousands of years–getting destroyed. We can attribute this apathy to him assuming it will all turn out alright (if anyone would realize that whoever wins can just use their wish to revert everything back to normal, it’s Whis), but even if he actually doesn’t care much right now… he’s learning too. Whis went from shrugging about Beerus destroying the Earth (at least he has his leftovers!) to telling Trunks and Mai how to break more time rules–rules Whis originally thought were more important than anything else–just so they could get a happy ending. We’ve seen him form a legitimate friendship with Bulma. He does little things like waving a Universe 7 flag and having them hold hands that demonstrate care, outside of practicalities (like delivering Bulla so Vegeta can fight). He seems more invested in challenging the status quo than his brother and even his brother, notably, slips up and uses “Father” instead of “Grand Priest,” demonstrating a certain level of familial love that can sometimes override pure duty.

Vados copies Whis and sits with the Universe 7 team, shrugging off the other gods’ disgust. Whis then shows legit pride in Goku managing Ultra Instinct. It’s GREAT watching these beings move from seeing mortals as inconsequential specs in the multiverse to individuals worthy of their time, attention, and respect. We’re seeing that development with Whis most of all, slowly but surely.

And it helps that our protagonist is really worthy of that respect this arc. Beyond his innate capacity for kindness, Goku is wonderfully smart in Super. I myself have mentioned that being naive and battle obsessed to the point of endangering others is kind of his thing, but Super hits a wonderful middle ground. Goku is the one who thinks to use the future Zeno to destroy Zamasu. He figures out a good portion of Zamasu’s plan. He thought up the idea of using dead warriors in the Tournament of Power and instantly has a way of negating the danger Frieza would pose: let’s use Baba so he can only come back for 24 hours. The anime (strangely…) emphasizes how the Tournament is supposedly Goku’s fault, but Vados reminds everyone that Zeno planned to erase the universes regardless. Though he didn’t intend the outcome, Goku’s suggestion of a tournament gave all universes a fighting chance. Much more importantly, it introduced the reward that would ultimately save them all. Goku’s got a good head on his shoulders this time around and the story emphasizes that it’s his capacity to care that saves far more than his brute power. Sparing enemies leads to them turning over a new leaf. Cultivating a diverse family results in a team with the strength and strategy to win. The ability to look at anyone–even Zeno–and smile as you shake their hand results in allies who can save the day when your own strength fails. IT’S ABOUT LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AND I’M A WEAK GOODY-GOODY.

I just… fucking love DBS. It takes all of the best underdog themes of the DB franchise–Can a low-class warrior become the best? Can a normal human woman gain the love of a prince? Can mortals ever stand side-by-side with gods?–and homes in on those questions, emphasizing them to an almost meta extent. I could give you another hundred reasons of exactly how much I’ve enjoyed these new stories… but I should stop now lol

Last note though Ultra Instinct is AWESOME

[rontufox]

trans ask game taken from here!

How did you choose your name?

I wasn’t gonna change it initially.  I like my given name.  but I don’t like attention or talking irl, especially about myself.  so I figured I’d have a simpler time if I changed it to something more people considered masculine  

my new name had to start with B so my initials could remain BLT.  I also wanted a “white” name cuz although I’m biracial, my given name was white, and it just feels weird to have a name of totally different feeling, in that regard

the only B names I liked were already associated with people I knew, which I didn’t want.  so I kinda stopped.  I wasn’t motivated to find a name LOLOL.  one night, my cousin asked what I’m changing my name to.  when I was like “idk man I can’t find any I like” he pulled up a huge list of B names on the internet and just started reading them off the whole night lolol.  a few resonated with me, but Brian really felt right.  

I like how it sounds out loud, the feeling it gives.  I like its meaning (strong, virtuous, and honorable or hill/noble).  it’s Irish, which I am, so that was perfect.  and, amazingly, the strokes involved in writing it are actually really similar the ones I use for my given name

in the end I’m even more glad I changed my name, for feeling so much more of a self-made person.  it was kind of a new start, where I could decide anything.  I chose my own name.  I could choose anything else in life I wanted.

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

my dysphoria stopped after I got top surgery and transitioned socially ✌🏼

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

in college.  that’s when I fully learned the term.  I always knew what I was since I was 5 or 6.  but college is when I learned there’s a term and community for what I was.

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

just, being able to be myself, freely.  

How would you explain your gender identity to others?

trans guy

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? 

I thought I’d stay closeted irl forever honestly.  it always seemed something I’d never be capable of.  coming out as trans was something incredibly strong people did.  people who were wiling to change their entire life.  well... I eventually became that person.

I first came out to my online friend Bsumo.  that was easy cuz they’re amazing, and we talked about gender so much anyway.  then I came out online, only on tumblr (I’ve been stealth online all my life).  after that, I personally told a few people irl I really trust.  next in line was my parents.  I had no idea how that would go.  but I was prepared to be rejected.  it went okay

then I had to come out at work.  I wanted to do that before making an announcement to my extended family via facebook to avoid anyone at work seeing it.  and that, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I’m very fortunate to work in a progressive organization, so I knew I’d be okay.  but it was hard.  I first told the CEO and our HR person.  it’s really, really hard to let the words out.  but I did it.  and the second I did, it was like... a floodgate.  like, there was absolutely no turning back at that moment and I loved it.  I told the rest of my coworkers in a meeting a few weeks later.  I gave them my new name and the pronouns they should use for me.  the older generation staff members had trouble getting the hang of it, but I didn’t meet any intentional resistance

I will say, you receive allyship and rejection in very unexpected places when you come out.  people you thought would support you that don’t.  people you thought would avoid you, reach out and advocate for you.  it was all quite an interesting experience.  

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

none

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

tried binding a few times before I had surgery.  I couldn’t stand to wear it more than 3 minutes.  it triggered a fight or flight response in my body for some reason.  like the panic you feel when your finger or limb gets stuck in something and your life flashes before your eyes as your mind overreacts thinking you’ll never escape.  I even cut a binder off with scissors once cuz I felt like I needed to get it off NOW.

Do you pass?

yeah, unless it’s over the phone lol!

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

top surgery and T.  I woulda still been miserable to this day if I hadn’t gotten top surgery.  but I kinda took T on a whim.  see if I’d like it.  I’m glad I did, I really enjoy it.  out of all the changes I love my sideburns the most!

How long have you been out?

3 years!

How does your family feel about your trans identity?

frankly I don’t care lolol

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

I’m kinda in the middle.  I’m open about being trans online.  I pass irl so I’m pretty much stealth there to strangers.  but if anyone ever asked if I was trans, or if a trans discussion ever came up, or if I was just talking bout my past where it’s relevant to the story, I’d be fine revealing I’m not cis

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

1) that no, people don’t secretly see you as a guy, 2) the term trans,  3) that you can get top surgery without any therapy involved (I thought I’d never be able to get it because of that, I resigned to that fact for so many years when I could’ve been arranging it!)

What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

lol I’m not sharing that

What do you wish cis people understood?

I honestly don’t think about that much

What impact has being trans affected your life?

it didn’t affect me much til puberty.  before puberty I sorta deluded myself into thinking everyone around me secretly regarded me as a boy but weren’t allowed to show it.  when puberty came my life ended.  dysphoria really made me suffer all through my 20s.  and I always hated being seen and treated the way people did.  I’ve never ever disliked being trans.  it’s always been me.  but now I live so fully and happily.  I love being trans

How do you feel about trans representation in media?

I really do not want it unless a trans person is the one creating it.

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

can I say myself? lolol

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

making/reblogging trans posts is the extent of what I do.  I did do a few things irl--helped carry a huge trans flag during pride once.  it was an amazing experience, but way too overwhelming for me lol.  tried going to our trans masculine group at my local lgbt center but had a bad experience with one of the members there, and he later became the group facilitator so lol

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

same as I do now

What trans issue are you most passionate about?

trans youth having all the info they need to be aware of themselves and make decisions about their own lives

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I’m aroace and it’s amazing!  I love being ace!  being both trans and ace made me wonder how the heck my life’d pan out in terms of having a partner.  cuz I did always want one.  but I thought I’d have a pretty low chance of finding someone I liked (I don’t like many people LOL) who also embraced and understood both my transness and aceness.  and who made it simple and easy for us on both ends.  maybe the chance was low, but I got the perfect partner now ❤

How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was just painful.  there’s not much more you can say

[mariaiscrafting]

I posted 14,474 times in 2021

2939 posts created (20%)

11535 posts reblogged (80%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.9 posts.

I added 12,658 tags in 2021

#mcyt - 2615 posts

#dream smp - 2054 posts

#.txt - 1765 posts

#fanart - 1510 posts

#ranboo - 1347 posts

#tubbo - 877 posts

#asks - 848 posts

#tommy - 652 posts

#fav - 497 posts

#discourse - 493 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#but i didnt want to attack the op of that post directly? and besides this is more of a broad criticism of stuff ive seen on tumblr & twitter

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Wake up babe, the long-awaited Ranboo iceberg has finally dropped

corrections because apparently I can’t fucking spell:

1. fridge should be fringe

2. want to should be wanted to

2221 notes • Posted 2021-02-27 19:50:36 GMT

#4

2747 notes • Posted 2021-01-29 18:22:52 GMT

#3

Ranboo Quotes™ from the cake high stream

“‘It’s past your bedtime.’ It’s past the time where I asked.”

“If I get fortune again, I’m going to start a war.”

“Thank you Ashy Cat! Oh god, someone should take that cat out of the fire, if it’s that ashy.”

“You stayed up just for this? Well, I am very sorry.”

“'Go to sleep.’ Okay, bye guys, ending the stream.”

“I am reverse funny.”

“Rust is just a car disease, think about it.”

“'You’re being weird.’ You’re being unmodded.”

“'Someone spiked the cake.’ Yeah, they put a knife in it, and then I got stabbed.”

“I’m going to make my stream notification more and more violent. One day, it’s just going to say, ‘Run.’”

“'What are you on?’ My chair.”

“Someone in chat just put, ‘Sorry Ran Boo, but you’re not funny.’ I am aware.”

“You guys can’t see it ‘cause I don’t have a face cam, but I just hit a whip.”

*someone tells him to lie down* *proceeds to fully recline in his chair*

“Watch this.” *misses water jump* “What a god.”

“Be always in fear of me. You should always be afraid of me, at all times.”

“Whenever I see that someone lost sleep because of my streams, I fist bump myself.”

“'How’d you introduce your parents to streaming?’ My parents do not stream.”

*talking about volleyball* “I got hit in the face a lot. For some reason, my face was like a ball magnet, so it was just consistent ball-to-face contact.”

“Colorblind arc? No, I’ll be able to see more colors. How about colorful arc? I’ll invent colors, like schlorple. That’s a color I just invented.”

“I don’t know anything about shrimp, I’m a Minecraft streamer.”

“I have a mirror right here, I can actually do a face reveal to myself.” *screams upon seeing his own face*

“A 20-car pileup has started because of a RanbooLive stream. RanbooLive has now been sued for $1,300 in vehicle damage.”

“'You’re giving me simultaneous Nyquil and Dayquil vibes.’ I AM THE QUIL!”

“'Please clean out your inventory.’ Please clean out your desk, you’re fired.”

“Bo Burnham. I love Bo Burnham… this is a terrible stream.”

“I’m not on the top of Twitch. There’s no way I’m the most viewed person on the entire site.” *checks* *bursts out laughing*

“Corpse? That is not Corpse. It’s me, Ranboo, the entire time! You have been Ramboozled.”

“'Bad joke?’ Bad comment, get out of my chat!”

See the full post

3237 notes • Posted 2021-01-26 07:47:53 GMT

#2

I'm sorry but all my brain can focus on right now is Red, Ant's boyfriend, jokingly tweeting "fuck gay people," and Crumb deadass thinking he was homophobic and drawing a little Crumb with a gay pride flag in retaliation 😫

3947 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 23:01:40 GMT

#1

Here's a little lesson in the Tumblr algorithm, for those who don't know: the only way for a post to be spread to someone's dash, after it's already been made, is through reblogs. Likes do very little for boosting visibility. Besides adding notes so a post has a higher likelihood of appearing at the top of search results for the tags they're featured in, likes are just caches to show/store posts you've liked. They do not significantly increase the likelihood that the post will be seen by more people. The only way to ensure this is to reblog it to your own blog, so your followers will see it.

Also, this isn't Twitter. I know that on Twitter, it's largely expected for most of your profile to consist of mostly your own tweets, and not too many retweets. Tumblr is extremely different, in that the entire site is made up of shared posts. The site is designed for maybe 5% of the content on your dash to be original content at any given moment, while 95% will be reblogs from others, and that's perfectly acceptable and expected, actually.

This is all to say that, I know a lot of you come from Tik Tok or Twitter, where liking content has a direct, positive effect on the content's visibility. I know that your FYP is dictated by what gets more likes/what the people you follow like, and that Twitter shows posts your following likes on the TL. But Tumblr is extremely different. So please, don't hesitate to reblog shit on this website, especially art/writing. If you liked an artist's work, the best thing you can do for them is reblog it because simply liking it will do very little to boost their post's visibility. This doesn't just apply to art either; if there's a PSA, theory, etc., that you enjoyed and want more people to see, the only way for that to happen is to reblog.

31539 notes • Posted 2021-02-13 23:23:32 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →u

[fantroll-purgatory]

Theme: This is the first troll in my set of Pride Trolls based off Gilbert Baker’s original meanings for his rainbow flag! Rather than make all the trolls neon mutantbloods I wanted to give them a shot as canon-ish trolls that simply have the color of the “nearest neighbor.” This is set in what would be the equivalent of Troll 1980s, which would have been a while back for us if Hiveswap is anything to go by, and is meant to be semi-canonical. Mythun’s theme is “sex,” which I am interpreting as “sex/sexuality/gender” to give myself a broader launching pad.

(mod note: obviously since these are my personal trolls they wouldn’t be given the same priority as the ones submitted by non-mods; these are mostly there for if you wanna review a troll and there isn’t one available)

Credit goes to fan-troll for the buzz cut, naphal for the eyebrows and eyes, fantrollartroom for the combat boots, and h0m3s7uck_4d0p7s-d9wpswp for the selfie arm.

Pride themed trolls sound like a great idea, I love that! 

Name: MYTHUN NAPASK (Derived from Sanksrit “Maithuna” meaning sexual union and “napumsakalinga” for their neutral-gender signifier)

W/ a name like that and a sexuality/gender theme, I hope she’s an nb lesbian.

Age: 12 sweeps

Strife Specibus: 2x3dentkind (while I know it’s canon for heiresses to use this my backups are swordkind and axekind)

Is… is it because sword lesbian jokes? You could give her a 2x1glaive. To mimic the trident’s double sides but make her a sword lesbian.

Fetch Modus: ARTICLE MODUS, which switches language every time she pulls it up. She has to guess if the item’s article is masculine, feminine, or neuter to eject it. If she guesses wrong, an item with that signifier is ejected

Good luck to her if she gets space german.

Blood color: Fuchsia

Title: Mage of Time

This is really interesting. Knower of Time… She’d have the active ability to perceive the flow of time and would probably have visions of the multitudes of events that could occur, or will occur if she takes a particular action… Might even be able to Know The Past, too. It’d probably get pretty confusing. Her inverse would be Heir of Space, which would allow her when she gets more powerful to just kind of. Move shit around to make way for a better understanding of time… Which lines up pretty well with her goals, really! 

Moon: Derse. While her lovers might feel that Mythun is living in the moment, she’s keenly aware that she is unlikely to survive her encounter with the Condesce and has something of an obsession with perpetuating sustainable changes throughout Alternia.

Looking to the future, not revealing her true nature to the people around her, putting up a particular image… yeah, seems dersite to me! And with that her EZ sign would be Piries, The Dissenter. Fun. I might draw on that if I decide to try to edit lambda- I’m still hmming about editing it too much.

Symbol and meaning: A lowercase lambda, which was declared the official international symbol for gay and lesbian rights in 1974. I was originally going to give her the linked Venuses because she’s a lesbian and it fit the trident bloodcaste signifier, but I was hoping she’d be themed off sex/gender/sexuality rather than just as it pertains to herself. I don’t know how well a lambda fits the language? It has three spokes for sure…

I’ll try a few things out in the design phase.

Trolltag: affluentLadykiller. For this troll set, I want all their tag abbreviations to come from the LGBTQIA initialism. Picked this one because Mythun is something of a playboy and is not at all shy about the material wealth her hemostatus affords her.

This is a really really minor change, but maybe affluentialLadykiller. Affluential means Rich AND socially influential, which relates back to her goals as well as her social standing. 

Quirk: uses abbrevs and cuts wrds short when pos ;) tends to ovruse th wink moji ;)

(reasoning: lambda denotes a half-life so she effectively decays words as she types them.

Neat reasoning, very good, A+.

Lusus: Gl’bgolyb

Personality:

Mythun Napask is the Bruce Wayne of Alternia at the time that she’s alive. Rich, famous, a seeming laissez-faire to all her actions (which often include taking beautiful women home with her). Beneath it all, though, Mythun is a woman out of time. Constantly aware of the small window she has to make lasting change in Alternia before her predecessor kills her, Mythun is always working at various theories for how to create true change in Alternia’s culture, fearing that authoritarian declarations will simply be overwritten by the next “heiress.” Her primary focus is on sexuality, since, despite trolls’ ability to be bisexual, the culture still shows a marked bias toward couples of differing genders.

She should probably have a marked interest in gender, too. Alternia does still seem to have a gender binary, which is stupid because they’re a race of bug aliens, Andrew Hussie- so she might have a marked interest in dismantling that nonsense. Either way, I love this… Does she use her tons of money to fund indie gay movies, maybe? Help Create Art, Ma’am. 

Interests:

Deeply invested in propagating the troll race ;). While she exists pre-SGRUB, she still lives under the Condesce and feels her odds of survival are not good. Whenever she develops a relationship in a quadrant with a fellow woman, she makes sure to add both their DNA to the slurry, her rationale being that if she doesn’t survive at least she and her relationships will live on in future trolls. (lambda as # of offspring generated in evolutionary algorithms.)

Her radio show. While she understands that her status as heiress affords her something of a captive audience, Mythun enjoys putting out her weekly radio show in which she discusses deeply ingrained oppression in troll society accompanied by speculation as to where it came from. (lambda as wavelength indicator)

Perfecting an engine powered by nuclear fusion so she can take trolls off-planet without the Condesce’s say-so. This has resulted in a number of explosions that have been only somewhat dampened by water and significantly more dampened because Gl’bgolyb uses a mild scream to neutralize the blasts. She doesn’t try as much anymore; too many rustbloods die when she makes mistakes. (lambda as a sensor in an internal combustion engine, as the rocket used to launch Japan’s first orbital satellite, and something about Black Mesa?)

I’m so proud of her… These are all really good interests. She should probably be interested in like planetary establishments in general (the uppercase Lambda is utilized in determining whether or not something qualifies as a planet). This next one doesn’t d irectly relate to the lambda, so take these suggestions with a grain of salt, but just having her be interested in critical theory might be a good idea. Just so she’s like, a little more ready to Do the establishing off-planet societies for people she saves, if she can save them.

Design time!:

Tiara: I wanted to integrate the sign right into the gold just because I didn’t want to rely too strongly on the Feferi school of tiara design. 

Hair: I adjusted her hairline a little. It felt weird going back behind the fin like that with no sideburn at all... So I gave her some scraggly shaved edges to match her eyebrows. 

Eyes & Mouth & Piercings: She was looking a little wall-eyed, so I fixed that. I gave her some tooth definition. I also made her lip and fin piercing more prominent- I had to squint to tell they were even there at first. 

Symbol: I was agonizing over what to do with it until I realized that just... just adding a line... I can just add a line. 

Leggings: I didn’t want to leave them flat black, so I edited them into two colors from a recently proposed lesbian flag. These colors specifically represent gender non-conformity and love&sex. 

Shoes: I loved what you did with her nails so much that I had to replicate it with her shoestrings. 

Very solid design, very solid character, gay/10. 

-CD

[jade-island-lives]

My Rainbow Soul: A Journey To Just Being Me (My Coming Out)

This has been in the back of my mind for such a long time. Seeing as it’s Pride Month, I thought that maybe I should talk about how I came out, my process with accepting who I was, and hopefully give people hope that things will get better.

Now, I won’t be using names or anything. But I will be talking about a lot of things. Lots of negative things such as abuse and anxiety. If you have a problem with this. Don’t read. I’ll be cutting it off here.

Ready? Okay.

Now, I grew up a small town that was pretty conservative. We lived where coyotes, rats, mice, skunks, and raccoons were a problem. A place where you could fish, hunt, and farm. Everyone knew everybody, and there was a real sense of community. 

I actually grew up pretty normal. I loved the Disney Princesses, Barbie, and even had a dollhouse. I had an obsession with two things however, mermaids and wolves. I LOVED those things to death. The story of Balto and how he delivered antitoxin to Nome Alaska was incredible, and I collected stuffed dogs to pretend I had a race team. And I had a love for all things ocean. I had mermaid dolls, sea shells, I collected sand dollars. It was a nice time. I also read a lot, and I drew a lot. 

Yeah, everything was normal. I played with my dolls and created worlds in my head. But looking back on it, I was a bit odd. I had a HUGE obsession over the Little Mermaid. Especially Ariel.

Every girl liked Eric. I liked Ariel. I dunno why, I just found her interesting. I wanted to be a mermaid like her and live with her under the sea.

In hindsight, that should have been the first clue

I didn’t even know the LGBT+ community existed until I was 12, (by that time I had dropped all things girly and gained a sense of tomboyishness because it just felt right and I loved all the boyish things other girls my age didn’t fuss over) and the way I found out was less than ideal. 

No worries, my family was, is, and always will be supportive of the LGBT+ community. But I found out about the community through, and this is going to be the dumbest thing ever. The Westboro Baptist Church.

You see, at that time I was on YouTube a lot. And when I was bored of watching the same Warrior Cat AMVs over and over (which was really rare) I would watch documentaries about strange things. Like mystery diagnosis stuff and serial killer things. (I swear, I was only a writer who needed ideas, still am.)  And one day in my recommended section was a documentary of The Worst Family in America. I thought “Oh how bad can they be?”

When I was done watching it, I was confused. Wait, two guys getting married? That’s a thing? And God doesn’t like that? Why? It’s not hurting anyone!”

Thankfully, my family shut that shit down, saying God made everyone for a reason and that he made no mistakes. I did more research on it, being my curious self, and found out that there was a whole community, that being gay wasn’t a choice, God made us as we were, all kinds of rainbows and love. Eventually, loving the LGBT+ community was everything, and I began to hate injustice towards those who couldn’t control who they were. 

I started getting inclusive in my writing then. Writing gay and lesbian characters, writing about Bi characters and Pans too. And even Trans and Aces. I started learning that there was a rainbow of sexuality and identity, and as we grow, we find a place among it.

Unfortunately for me, being a teen was a nightmare in so many ways. I had my friends, most of which were boys. And around that time, all the girls and guys started dating. I didn’t like guys in that way, never really did. And at the time I didn’t think about it. I was learning about my writing skill, I couldn’t be bothered. I was trying to figure out what I was good at.

But eventually, it caught up with me. 

People started asking if I was gay. And I always said no, but eventually. I found my first crush.

And it wasn’t a guy.

Every time I saw her, it was like butterflies. I could never think straight when she was around. I loved her.

And surprisingly, that scared me. 

I never really knew why until now. While I was and still am supportive of the LGBT community. I was well aware of the violence that came with it. The beatings, the discrimination, all of it. People have died because the world didn’t want to change. At the time, marriage wasn’t legal, and my life could be on the line in certain countries. 

In fear of the discrimination, I got in a relationship with a guy to keep suspicions off. I thought that maybe if I hid myself enough I would start to believe I wasn’t gay.

But the relationship was toxic. Emotionally manipulative and abusive. I don’t really want to go into it. For the longest time, I thought it was okay. If I could keep it up and make it work, eventually I would be happy. 

It was stupid. So stupid. To anyone out there, men, women, whatever. If someone forces you to do something you aren’t comfortable with, if you are AFRAID to be around them to the point where you walk on hot coals around them. If you are afraid of telling them something because of what you think they will say or do. Get out of it. Now. They don’t have to hit you to be abusive, women can do it too, and you deserve to feel loved and safe.

I broke free of it with the help of my friends, including my best friend in the entire world, but to this day I still feel terrible about it. How I lied, how I never spoke up, how I broke his heart. It makes me overlook all the times I felt pressure, all the times I was afraid to tell him how I felt. How I was afraid to be alone with him. 

I would be fearful of getting in any relationships. And because most of my friends were guys, of course rumors were spread. I always said that I wasn’t interested in anyone. And I wasn’t. 

I don’t remember struggling with my sexuality too much in my junior or senior year. Mostly because I was struggling with my mental health and I just remember nothing but sadness. A black fog over me that I let consume every bit of me until I was nothing but a shell that just appeared and disappeared. But it was there I remember. Crushes and hiding them, reminding myself that the world would not accept me.

Until the morning Same Sex Marriage was legal in the US.

I still remember the rainbow flags all over Facebook. The videos of couples crying, Obama speaking. I remember just tears, curling up on my couch sobbing with tears of joy. 

I remember thinking, “I can get married now. It's accepted. It’s okay.”

But there were still issues, there always will be. And I almost fell straight back into the closet. 

Eventually I was tired of people asking me if I was straight or gay, and so I just said I was Bi. I...felt it was safer. I don’t know why. 

For the record, I’m sorry I hid behind Bisexuality. It’s a misconception that Bi people are just gay people closeted or straight people experimenting. Bisexuality is a real sexuality and it needs to be respected as such no matter the relationship. 

I used Bisexuality because I wanted people to think I could still date guys and I wouldn’t be discriminated against. But I wasn’t Bi, I was gay. And I knew it. Please don’t think my experience is the same for everyone. Bisexuality is a real sexuality, a real feeling that people have. And it’s valid whether you are dating a man or a woman. 

At some point, something broke in me. I was tired of fighting it. I don’t remember the reason. Maybe it was my therapist telling me to be honest, the headache of living a lie, somehow I realized I that I was done not being me. And so...

I came out to my best friend by text. Tears in my eyes. I was met with overwhelming love and support. He told his family and I was met with so much love that way.

And then I told my family...who already KNEW. They had known since I was 12 and loved me no matter what. It was the sweetest thing, and I wish more than anything that I could go back and tell my past self that it would all be okay, to not care what other people think of me.

And if there is anything you can learn from this, it’s this. 

You may be afraid to come out or you can’t. And that’s okay. You don’t have to come out for anyone other than yourself. There’s no set time on accepting who you are. For some, it takes their entire lives. You may think you’re one thing, but then you discover you’re something else, that’s okay too. 

As I’ve always said, sexuality and identity are a rainbow, and a tricky one. But you will find your way. And no matter what, whether you are still in the closet or people don’t think your sexuality is real, you are valid, you are loved, and it does get better. And you CERTAINLY are welcome this Pride Month. <3 

It got better for me, and now I wear my rainbow heart proudly for everyone to see. So I may never hide in that nasty closet again.