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strideofpride · 4 years ago

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DAIR APPRECIATION WEEK 2021 DAY ONE: Why do you love Dan and Blair?

I broke down what I love about Dan and Blair into five parts under a read more below. The tldr is: their compatibility, their parallel arcs, their slow burn, the larger message it would've given GG if they were endgame, and finally their mature, adult relationship (aka "pure and simple love").

Warning: I basically wrote a fucking essay lmao. Cited my sources and everything.

I. Compatibility

Dan and Blair have great chemistry sure, but they have something that I don't think any other pairing on the show really had: common interests. They were pseudo-intellectuals who could talk about books, literature, art, etc. with each other ("Dan and I have a real connection. We did things like visit the Dia and debate Charbol versus Rohmer..."). And I know in TV world all anyone cares about is chemistry, but in the real world the key to a long lasting relationship is common interests.

And yet they are also still an opposite attracts pairing, just in the best way, where they are opposite in personality and background, but still share lots of common interests. Blair was the rich mean girl from the Upper East Side and Dan the "poor" loser from Brooklyn, but they still can relate to one another, they can still find stuff to talk about together, they still come to enjoy each other's presence and friendship.

And back to their chemistry: it isn't steamy chemistry 100% all the time (although they can certainly go there). Their's is a sweet chemistry, a chemistry where it's clear that they respect each other, that they know each other on a deep level, that they understand each other more than anyone else. It's a chemistry that you believe could lead to a satisfying marriage one day.

And I know I've said this before, but to me Dan and Blair are just soulmates.

II. Parallel Arcs

I am such a sucker for when two characters' life journeys parallel one another and Dair had that in spades. In season 1 especially, they were both dealing with the abandonment of a parent (Dan's mom/Blair's dad), they both lost their virginities and entered into sexual relationships with much more experienced partners (Serena & Chuck), and they both had their sights set on one school (Yale & Dartmouth - although come season 2 this became Yale for Dan, giving them even more in common).

I've also already talked on here about how you can parallel all of their other romantic/sexual relationships to one another, as well as how they both were abandoned by their best friends sophomore year. And, they both have a bad habit of going back to the same person over and over again (again, Serena & Chuck).

To me, Dan and Blair are almost narrative foils. Dan's relationship with his father starts out pretty solid but deteriorates over time - Blair's relationship with her mother is the exact opposite. Dan pines, while Blair loves to live in denial. Blair sees her life as a movie, Dan sees his life as a novel.

And that makes it all the more satisfying to see them come together, to learn to appreciate their differences, to accept their similarities, to see them grow together (albeit briefly) over seasons 4 and 5.

III. Slow Burn

A lot of people on here use this word incorrectly. If the characters kiss during season 1 (unless it’s under false pretenses) it’s not a slow burn! But Dan and Blair are a true slow burn (whether or not that was intentional).

From that hallway scene in 1x04, it's clear that Dan and Blair have a deeper connection and understanding of each other than they are letting on. We get brief glimpses into that in 1x15, 2x08, 3x18, and 3x22. All of that very slow build up makes it all the more satisfying when they become friends in season 4.

I truly think the W arc is the best written arc of the entire show. You very slowly see them accept their common interests, grow to begrudgingly respect one another, even begin to accept that there might be an attraction there. It never feels rushed, when they kiss in 4x17, it's earned (I use this word a lot - buckle in).

And then, yeah, the Louis arc was fucky (I stand by that they should've kept the love triangle Dan vs. Chuck, or Dan vs. Louis, all three was too much). But Dan standing by Blair through everything she went through that season was beautiful, to see her depend on Dan in her darkest moments, to see her realize that he's the one who will always be there for her...it just really, really worked.

And so that moment when Blair finally calls him "Dan" to his face, when it becomes clear they are finally going to be together...it's one of the single most satisfying moments in the entire show. Because, again, it was earned.

IV. Larger Message

As this video essay posits, the showrunners were left with a choice after the 2008 economic recession: "Either adjust to the times or lean further into an escapist fantasy where extreme wealth is the status quo...and lean they did. For the sake of providing their audience with an escape, the dark underbelly of extreme affluence became the show's core theme. The more it began to sell cynical opulence as standard escapism, the more the writers and fans turned on the less wealthy characters."

Furthermore, by revealing Dan as Gossip Girl, "It transitions him from pretentious soft boy to borderline sociopath, actively ruining the lives of his friends, family, and crush just to get a foothold in Upper East Side society. And then the show did something it had seldom deemed to do for a less wealthy character: it rewarded him...And thus, the show presented us with the most insidious message of all: wealth, privilege, and power corrupt...and that's okay."

By having Chuck & Blair and Dan & Serena as endgame, GG became one of the most cynical shows on the planet, where (to quote Constance Grady) "all relationships are transactional".

But yet: "The sole bright spot in the midst of this cold universe in which relationships are bought and sold like real estate came in the form of Blair’s brief season four romance with Dan...it marked the last hurrah of the first version of Gossip Girl: In a world in which money is so powerful that it makes romantic relationships indistinguishable from prostitution, Dan and Blair were working to create an authentic, meaningful bond outside of the influence of wealth and privilege."

If Dan and Blair had been endgame (and Dan hadn't been GG - although we all know that one is bullshit anyway), it would've been a rebuke to that ideology, it would've shown that there is more to a good marriage than a shared tax bracket, that a genuine connection is more important than wealth and privilege. That abuse does not equal love.

But alas, that was not the story they wanted to tell I guess.

V. Mature, Adult Relationship (aka "Pure & Simple Love")

I am personally not much of a fan of grand romantic gestures. I often find them shallow, childish, and showy. To me, it is far more romantic for Dan to have secretly written a book about Blair, for Blair to submit Dan's article to Vanity Fair, for Dan to say "it wouldn't to me" when Blair asks if it would matter if she was pregnant with another man's child (especially since this moment is (take a shot here), you guessed it, earned - we know he's being honest because we already saw him do this with Milo).

Now, I am personally not as much of a fan of the Met Steps moment as everyone else (Blair's desire to be royalty is probably the thing I like least about her), but that was probably Dan's grandest romantic gesture and yet...it's still so simple. It's really just a plastic tiara and a cab ride. Which is what makes it so beautiful. Because it's not about the money or the extravagance or showing off to anyone else...it's about Dan showing Blair he truly knows her. And to me, that's the healthiest way to do a romantic gesture.

I also love their bad sex arc in 5x18 because a) it's real - most real world couples don't have earth shattering sex the first time together, it takes time to learn what your partner likes and needs and b) because they actually (after getting drunk at Dorota's & Nate's) communicate about it and work out their problem like adults.

Because that's the thing about Dan and Blair - it's a real adult relationship. It's not a never-ending game of cat and mouse, it's not a fallback, it's not a bad habit...everything else just melts away when they're together. They grew and changed together...they learned to put aside their prejudices and see each other beyond their facades. They became better people together. They always had someone they knew they could turn to.

And that's what true love is supposed to be.

#I hope this is coherent #people will deserve a medal for actually reading the whole thing #dair #gossip girl #dairaw21 #dan x blair #dan humphrey #blair waldorf #gg meta #otp: dan loves me for me

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neednothavehappenedtobetrue · 3 years ago

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okay. this is a post about a new character, who is a person in the same 'verse as the main one for Robert and Isabelle, sci-fi and spaceships. she is a pastor in the one specific "limits on technology" religion I made up, but also, she is very cool. she does not live on their main terraformed colony, she lives in another colony with some definite cultural differences.

I am mostly posting this for my own future reference. there are definitely people who will enjoy Gwendolyn a lot, even with the extensive trigger tag situation here, but I think "a short story that has space for more nuance" would be a better venue for her than "my thoughts from Skype at 4AM"

if you do decide to read this, check the tags first, please

shoutout to @anonymus-maximus-er for being my thought partner on this.

but as I understand it now, there are, like , degrees of Intensity in Church Of Man

like, even their chillest followers are kind of intense about it because it's hard to be real, real chill about "god said we were only allowed to use these specific fifteen technologies" or whatever the exact rules are

but as far as incubators go, Aimee's community, the one you saw, would definitely have been like "well, too bad God wants that baby to die" and there are some other communities which would be more like "okay, probably make sure your baby does not die, do what you've gotta do there, but don't come back and talk to us afterwards"

and also for sure there are communities like "do literally whatever you have to do to make sure your baby does not die, we will be here with whole-made casseroles when you're home again"

and like, could some of those kids have benefitted from subsequent quality-of-life stuff they didn't get? probably, yes

to varying degrees

but hopefully Aimee finds a nice community where she can be like "this is so important to me but my babies and I experienced a bunch of technology in order to not die and we got excommunicated."

and they're like "wow that sounds like a lot of Not Your Fault would you like some whole-made casseroles and toddler clothes?"

and she's like "I got excommunicated" and they're like "did you know, perhaps you didn't, that there is no Central Authority for every Church Of Man church in the galaxy? there for sure is not! the people from New Maryland often pretend they are, but we didn't vote for them! your old pastor is just not at all the boss of us, is the thing"

that is the future epilogue I want for Aimee

I feel like the Tau Ceti Church of Man community is small and some people think they're weird, but they're nice neighbors. their pastor is a woman named Gwendolyn or something who is just constantly mad about Richard Brinton That Fucking Asshole

she has never called him any of those words because of decorum, she has just spent a lot of time talking to new people like "wow you seem very traumatized did you know he is not the boss of us?"

"we don't have a pope!"

"we've tried to have a council a few times, but it's logistically complicated"

"every church is supposed to make its own rules in accordance with the texts"

"yes, I have read every single one of his missives to the world, I know which bits of the Texts you probably have memorized, here are some bits I like a lot"

Gwendolyn has some opinions

like, churches are supposed to set their own rules about "necessary" technologies and she has quietly labeled almost all life-saving medical technology "necessary"

meanwhile, Brinton thinks it's necessary for him to have access to telecommunications equipment to he can send his editorials all over the galaxy, so people can be Educated

huh

of course, he does not actually physically touch the telecommunications equipment, he keeps like four people who know how to use it around so they can spread his word, but also, huh

the thing about Gwendolyn is that she has spent a long time watching traumatized New Marylanders join her community, many of them quite young and quite traumatized

also, she was never a New Marylander, she is fourth-generation Tau Ceti, which, crucially

means that her first set of principles is "Church Stuff, Misc" and her second set of principles, right there after the first is "you're not the boss of me"

even if somebody could point to actual scripture that said they were the boss of her, she would have some trouble with it, but some dude! who cannot point to anything at all! no justification whatsoever! nothing in the texts even a little bit! keeps trying to be the boss of her! and also keeps traumatizing all of the people in his community pretty badly! and making everyone else look like jerks!

"I'm more conservative than you, therefore, I am the boss of you"

NOPE

not for Gwendolyn

Gwendolyn votes in every local election and votes for her Senator, who she has met and quite likes. she occasionally goes to protests when the local government does some dipshit thing, but the Tau Ceti local government is pretty well-behaved because if it's not the citizenry will absolutely be like "fuck you, you're not the boss of me" at its government

she has some Very Big Opinions about debtor employment. she's not thrilled about the like, severity of the gang situation in her city, but she doesn't have a lot of optimism that the Government is gonna fix it, so she does community groups instead

also, in recognition of the fact that she can't just throw these traumatized New Marylanders right off into the personal autonomy deep end she is like "okay, if you need someone to tell you what to do sometimes, I will be the temporary boss of you until you are ready to be the boss of you"

she does not Love that aspect of her job, but sometimes you gotta

you can't bring people from "obedience all the time" to "you must make every choice in your life with no backup" overnight, they'll just collapse in on themselves or become targets for worse people

so she does the thing

she and Brinton have a <very> passive aggressive correspondence going as church leaders

there are many many long letters back and forth

they are very polite and also, if any of them are preserved, historians will find them fascinating

"wow these people just fucking loathed each other"

Anonymus, 5:05 AM

your obedient servant, A. Burr

5:05 AM

if they did not live on separate planets, legitimately maybe

like, if she could get to Brinton's house on a horse to yell at him in person, she would have by now

she didn't swear a lot in real life, but sometimes she wanted to

she got real good at saying "that man" or "sugar" or "nonsense" in A Tone, but you could tell

I can't decide if she has a husband or a wife

Aimee's church definitely thinks gay people are Modern and therefore Wrong, but like

I feel like probably their specific religious texts don't even have that much on being nice to people? like, there's definitely a few pages on like "kindness is an ancient value, we hold fast to ancient values, these are them"

but it's like 70% Rules Minutiae

it's also not a super long book

so everybody has very different opinions about how to interpret the Rules Minutiae in light of the 30% of the book that's like "here are our actual values"

"modesty" and "fidelity" are both in the Ancient Values bits for sure

and I feel like different denominations went in different directions on the "modesty" and "fidelity" implications of "gay people"

no, I've decided, Gwendolyn definitely has a wife

show her in the actual rules where she can't have a wife

yes, fidelity, that thing she has with her wife

Anonymus, 5:13 AM

can the wife be a very proper rebbetzin?

organises all the casserole chains

5:14 AM

yes, she can definitely organize all of the casserole chains

5:18 AM

right

Gwendolyn's wife's name is Tara and she came from an Earth Church of Man community where they were like "technically it's not illegal for you to be gay, but, like, ehhhh? we'd rather you didn't and also you definitely cannot have children if you're gay"

5:20 AM

and she got to Tau Ceti and met Gwendolyn who even in college was like "show me in the texts where it says I cannot have a wife."

"show me."

Anonymus, 5:21 AM

sounds like excellent breeding ground for Very Textually and Theologically Conversant, but not actually a religious authority

5:21 AM

the thing is, Tau Ceti is Bad At Authority

if they had a motto on their coins it would just be "you're not the boss of me" but maybe in Latin

but maybe not even in Latin because people who know Latin often think they are the boss of you

Anonymus, 5:22 AM

WHO MADE U KING

5:22 AM

for real

I think there is a dude who is technically the "boss" of Gwendolyn and they take turns giving the sermons and calibrating which parishoners they support based on like, communication styles in a way that often ends up with just all of the women and queer folks being Gwendolyn's people

she is smarter than him, he handles all of the Local Politics things that require you not to go "EXCUSE me, where is the LAW ABOUT THAT"

Anonymus, 5:24 AM

different type of smart

5:24 AM

if he ever tried to pull rank on her, she would either be so startled that it would work or she would unhinge her jaw and eat him

so he's never tried

he doesn't want to! very few people on Tau Ceti even want to be in charge, both because it's like herding cats who will hate you if they catch you herding them and because the finely honed distrust of authority doesn't go away when you become authority

Anonymus, 5:26 AM

"I'm pretty sure I'm up to some bullshit"

5:27 AM

yeah, Gwendolyn spends a lot of time with these sad transplants from other communities, nearly all of them women (because for SOME REASON women tend to get excommunicated WAY MORE OFTEN. HUH. are there ADDITIONAL RULES for WOMEN? I DON'T SEE ANY)

and they're like "please I am so sad and scared just tell me what to do"

and she wants to be like "I am not the boss of you, you have to be the boss of you" but they often are not ready for that, so she just tries to get a sense of what they want to do or what might be healthiest for them and tells them her strong recommendation is that they do that thing

everyone in her community knows she is passionate and can get fired up about some of this stuff, she doesn't hide that, but also, there are some conversations she (a only has with her wife and also (b has had with her wife a number of times

they are basically "our community is like 55% traumatized exiles from other communities and like 30% traumatized people from This One Dude's Community specifically. he traumatizes women and girls and girls he calls women and gay people and parents with sick babies!"

"we have so so many people we take care of now who are so so shaken and traumatized and sad"

"and we only get the people who don't leave the faith entirely!"

"it's not fair! it's not fair that he gets to do that! it's not fair!"

because when you carry the faces of like twenty good people all traumatized by the same garbage person and all you can do is try to take care of them and send passive-aggressive letters, sometimes it sucks!

if they lived on the same planet and she could get there on a horse, she would have done something ill-advised by now. yelled, certainly

but then again, if she had been born on New Maryland she would be a super different person and if he had been born on Tau Ceti there would have been a hard upper limit on how much he could get anyone to listen to him

like, bad bullshit happens on Tau Ceti, but the first time he married a fourteen-year-old girl off to her rapist, his neighbors would have set him on fire

church of man neighbors, regular neighbors, possibly neighbors who are criminals, just all the neighbors

5:37 AM

so her wife listens to her cry and reads over her letters to Brinton to make sure she doesn't actually say anything Too Impolitic (I think her boss also reads them, but he's less invested)

and her wife has these new folks over for dinner and helps them find clothes for their kids and adapt their modesty rules to the thing where it's like, as hot as it is possible to be in Tau Ceti

5:38 AM

like, most of the summer it's like 120 degrees, on a brisk day in December it drops into like, the low nineties

5:39 AM

sometimes people from other communities are like "we do modesty more modestly than they do" and they have to be like "okay, your choices are us dressing this way or us using air conditioning, because people do die in real life of heatstroke sometimes, that is a thing that can kill you"

also, even before Gwendolyn came along, her previous pastor was definitely like "we're gonna make electric fans permissible. we're just... heatstroke sure does kill you in real life"

"particularly in Modest Dress"

she liked him. they had meetings like twice a month when she was young because she had A Lot of questions and her parents were less invested in the answers than she was

when she was like twelve, he was like "maybe they'll give you my job one day" and she was like "I don't want your job! you're the boss of people!" and he was like "they very much would not give you my job if you wanted my job, kiddo"

(even 50% of the organized crime leaders on Tau Ceti are like "hey, I'm not the boss of anybody, I'm just a guy you don't want to fuck with because of all of the friends that I have got"

"I am not the boss of you, but I do have this gun")

5:49 AM

final thought on Gwendolyn: she had a real hard time when Robert Thompson died, because that dude thought her faith was a good reason to murder a husband and father.

and like, that dude is a fucking asshole, obviously, but it's hard

and then Brinton puts out an editorial about it and it is the only time Gwendolyn and Tara's children ever hear one of their mothers swear

because she is usually super meticulous about that

but also, sometimes

there is a limit

she makes several attempts before she writes him her next letter and the subtext of the entire letter is just "fuck you SO much, I do not generally believe in Hell, however, I will make an exception"

there is a limit! a man is dead and his wife and daughter are grieving and then a dude who everyone thinks is, like, the pope of her puts out some bullshit like "of course we don't do hate crimes but also that dude who got murdered deserved it" bullshit

there is a limit she is past it!

5:53 AM

also, they have seven adopted kids

#rape for ts #religion for ts #religious abuse for ts #there is a bit about babies dying in here #because their religion does not always allow for medical technology #I don't know what the succinct tag is for that #hate crimes for ts #organized crime for ts #is that a thing?#guns for ts #briefly #the ghost and the machine #as inappropriate as the gun #her tag would be #show me in the texts #I might legitimately need to write this

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mollymauk-teafleak · 4 years ago

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now that I got it

Happy Christmas to my most wonderful girlfriend @spiky-lesbian who I just love absolutely to pieces.

please reblog and leave a comment over on Ao3!

Follows on from my Jupeter high school au fic!

-----

Nureyev is eager to take his relationship with Juno further, now that they're both out of high school and have their own place.

But for someone who prides himself on being the smartest, most well prepared person in the room, dealing with your first time having sex can be a challenge...

-----

It helped if he thought of it like a mission. Though Nureyev had to admit, he’d never had a mission that required this particular set of tools.

He planned it all out in his head, down to the moment, the way he’d been taught. Even in the weeks he’d had since that part of his life ended, he hadn’t lost the skills and they helped keep him calm now.

Not that he had any reason to be nervous. He didn’t.

First, the lights. He dimmed them as much as he could, relying heavily on the light from the street outside when he realised they really only had the one naked bulb overhead. But there were the battered old electric candles, left in a kitchen drawer when he’d moved in, clearly meant for the many nights when the power went out in Oldtown. Arranged nicely on the wardrobe and the bookcase and the nightstand, they did help fill the room with something approaching an atmospheric glow.

Next, the flower petals. He only had a loose handful, fair enough, gathered sneakily from the wilting bouquets outside of a flower shop from a nicer part of Hyperion. But when he spread them out sparingly enough, around their bed and leading up to the doorway, it did look romantic. More romantic than the socks and papers and balled up, half finished job applications that scattered the carpet previously had, anyway.

Then...well then there was everything else. He’d done plenty of research, of course, he wouldn’t attempt a mission without research. But still, when he’d found himself actually in the drugstore, looking at the rows and rows of products, he’d found himself grabbing the first things that seemed to fit his description and bolting.

Not that he had any reason to be nervous. And so he wasn’t. He told himself that as he arrayed the small bottle of lube that was supposed to smell like strawberries and the box of condoms on the nightstand.

And finally there was his outfit. When he imagined how he would like to dress for this, he only came up with things that definitely had not been part of his wardrobe when he’d packed for his undercover mission to Mars. It had all been very sparse and functional, nothing remotely silky or satiny or lacy. And he definitely did not have the funds to acquire anything like that.

But that had never stopped Peter Nureyev before.

Looking at himself in the mirror, the nerves that definitely weren’t there retreated slightly. He’d gone for red silk, thinking it would match his favourite colour of lipstick, black lace edging the hem. Now it was actually on him, he had to admit it was a little too big on him, slipping down further than he’d imagined it would, the straps always seeking to slide down the hard angles of his shoulder and collarbone. But he made himself stand as tall as he could, which was really quite far, put a hand on one skinny hip, flip back the feathery fall of his hair and give the mirror a sultry, cherry lipped smile.

And the nerves that weren’t there were less there.

Smiling a little now, the thudding of his heart now feeling like something more exciting, Nureyev crossed to the bed and tried to lie out across it in a tempting fashion. He tried a few, actually, cycling through some that felt suitably tempting, copying some streams he’d seen during his research. Not that he’d watched much of them before throwing his comms to the foot of the bed and hiding his burning face in his hands.

Finally he decided on sprawling across the pillows, leaning back on one hand, one leg bent. That felt salacious enough, though his hand would start to go dead if Juno didn’t walk through the door soon. Which he should do in approximately three minutes. Nureyev had worked in some time for rush hour traffic, which always seemed to be at its thickest when the Academy let out.

He could imagine Juno’s eyes, so tired after a day of training, lighting up when he saw him. He could imagine his jaw dropping and his eyes sparking with lust, his boyfriend pouncing on him in a fit of passion straight out of some classic Earth bodice ripper, making wild and passionate love to him. Precisely as planned.

Exactly when his thoughts turned muddy and formless, Nureyev didn’t know. All he did know was the next thing he was properly aware of which was Juno standing over him, smiling bemusedly and gently shaking his shoulder.

“Uh, hey babe,” he grinned, the electric emergency lights flickering on his teeth, “Did you mean to fall asleep?”

“Oh for crying out loud!” Nureyev bolted up with indignation, so quickly that if his boyfriend wasn’t as quick as he was, he’d have been in for a nasty headbutt, “This was not in the plan!”

“The plan?” Juno blinked, eyeing the now fairly wilted petals and the candles before his eyes snagged on what Nureyev was wearing and stuck there firmly, “Oh…”

Any confidence he’d once felt evaporated quickly, Nureyev pulled his knees to his chest quickly as his skin flamed, “Um...I...I had an idea...but I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep, it wasn’t supposed to happen…”

“An idea,” Juno repeated slowly, spying the condom and lube, the pieces visibly clicking into place inside his brain, “Ah. Right. I get it.”

Nureyev groaned, head falling into his hands, “I know you said we wouldn’t do it until I felt ready and now I’m eighteen and I did, I promise I did, but when I was getting everything ready and trying to make things good and nice, it all just felt so scary even though I was ready and then I tried to surprise you and I messed it all up even through I planned it out and now...now…”

Juno gave a rough chuckle, wrapping an arm around Nureyev’s shoulders, “Now you’re going to take a breath. Because jeez, babe…”

Nureyev did, inhaling deeply and giving a long, shaky exhale, “Juno, I’m sorry…”

“Hey, come on,” Juno shook his head firmly, “You don’t have anything to apologise for. And quit thinking of it like a mission!”

Nureyev pulled a face, “Perhaps not the healthiest…”

“If you were nervous you could have just told me,” Juno pressed a kiss to his cheek that tasted of bad coffee but was needed all the same.

“I just feel silly sometimes,” Nureyev groaned, “You’re so much more confident with this than I am, you know so much more than me and it’s the same for everyone else! I’m the one that's behind.”

Juno paused a moment, a smile tugging at his lips, “Well...I can’t rig up a disguise to pass completely unnoticed in a Saturnian ballroom. I can’t scale a sheer wall. I’ve never even travelled off planet, let alone across half the system by myself. I can’t knife fight a guard twice my age and win without breaking a sweat. I can’t break into an office in the dead of night and hack my way into a computer system.”

Nureyev shifted, smiling despite himself, “ And with a broken heart.”

“Yeah, that too,” Juno laughed guiltily, smiling crookedly, “So yeah, this is one thing you’re not as experience with. But you’ve been living a really different life to me so you’ve had different experiences. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I suppose...thank you, darling. That does make me feel better.”

“Good,” Juno grinned triumphantly, kissing him again, “So if you want to get changed into something comfy, just order take out and watch dumb cartoon streams in bed like every night then thats exactly what we’ll do. But if you want to have sex and you really, truly feel ready then we’ll do that. Because honestly...babe, you look ridiculously hot in that.”

Nureuev burst into giggles, “Really?”

“I mean, you do in pretty much everything. But yeah, in that? You’re a knockout.”

“Well…” Nureyev grinned, tucking some hair behind his ear coyly, “I...I did think I rather suited it.”

Juno smiled softly at that, leaning in to kiss his cheek. He was making something of a habit out of it.

“You know, why don’t we try something that’s not as...involved as what you were maybe planning. But something I still really think you’ll enjoy,” he murmured low in Nureyev’s ear.

“I like the sound of that,” he nodded, shoulders relaxing, eyes sparking with interest.

He allowed Juno to press him gently back against the bed so he was flat on his back, shivering happily as he moved quickly to swing a leg over his hips and cover him almost completely. He loved to have Juno so close, so the whole universe became his roughened hands on Nureyev’s shoulders as he slid the straps of the neglige down to bear the top of his chest, the warm breath of his kisses across his collarbone, the coffee and soft powder shampoo smell of him, his hips pressed against Nureyev’s own.

“Do you want to know what I’m gonna do?” Juno whispered against his skin, “Or do you want the surprise?”

“Surprise me,” Nureyev answered immediately, eagerly, always unable to resist any kind of gift anticipation.

Juno chuckled, “Just say if you want it to stop then…”

They’d made out before of course, Nureyev was familiar and comfortable with this. Hands had slipped down the front of trousers, mostly his own into Juno’s in a surprising application of his pickpocketing skills, there had been a few intense and breathtaking orgasms, a few tears he’d been mortified by at first until Juno had kissed them from his cheeks and promised everything was okay.

But Juno drawing back, moving down to settle between his legs, was new. Drawing him close by the thighs, sliding his long, pale legs over his broad shoulders, was new. Nureyev felt the skin down there prickle at the closeness, at Juno’s soft exhalations against him.

“Oh…” he gasped.

“Still okay?” Juno murmured, eyes soft in the low light. Nureyev didn’t doubt for a moment that he would stop if he asked. But stopping was the last thing he wanted right now.

“God, yes.”

Juno smiled before dipping down between his boyfriend’s spread thighs and, Nureyev could have sworn, was still smiling as he ran the very tip of his tongue between them. He felt his back arch and his thighs tighten around Juno’s head, his curls raising goosebumps.

“Oh fuck…” he whimpered, the only thing he could think to say as Juno began to eat him out in earnest.

The slightest flicker of his tongue wrought screams from Nureyev, the barest nudge of his nose against his cock made him clutch at the sheets under him hard enough to tear them. One arm thrown haphazardly over his face clenched tight into a fist that would leave little half moon indentations in his palms the next morning, his feet flexed and trembled with some frantic current borne entirely of Juno’s expert attention.

It wasn’t the most drawn out session in the world, Nureyev coming hard with little warning after only a minute or two, but it wasn’t as if either of them were keeping track. However long it was, it would never feel like long enough.

“Nureyev?” Juno panted, rising up on his elbows to grin smugly at his boyfriend, his chin shining with something slick that mortified and thrilled Nureyev in equal measures.

He didn’t answer, just dragged Juno up to kiss him hard, with all the surprising strength in his thin arms. Juno gave a half laugh against his lips, answering back with so much enthusiasm that it completed the ruin of his boyfriend’s lipstick.

“You know,” he murmured, when they were both too exhausted to do anything but lean nose to nose and catch their breath, “You didn’t need to do all this to make me want to have sex with you. I love you anyways. You know that, right?”

Nureyev curled up against him, threading his arms around his chest, “Yeah. I know. And I love you too.”

And he meant every word.

#jupeter #high school au #all characters are 18+#smut #awkward Nureyev is awkward #tpp #the penumbra podcast #junoverse #please reblog and comment!

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bouwrites · 5 years ago

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Even Heroes Have the Right to Dream: Chapter 6

Just put off another day of knowing where you’re from.

First, Previous, Next. Ao3.

Story under read-more.

A lot happens during Jon’s second semester of college. Like, too much, frankly. Between his fight (can he call that a fight?) with Marinette, his struggling grades, his tense relationship with Damian, and the ever-present “S” looming over him no matter how much he tries to avoid it, his second semester isn’t nearly as fun as the first.

And also, he forgets about the thing he is supposed to do that semester. That is, to figure out what on Earth he’s going to do with his life. Being an undecided major isn’t the end of the world if he’s still in his first year, but he goes from “I’ve got plenty of time to figure it out” to “Holy crap, I’ve already finished a year” in no time at all and now he’s signed up for classes for his next semester and still doesn’t even know what he’s going to study.

He’s running out of core classes to waste time on. He’s probably already wasted a few credits and all the money that goes into them. If he wants to graduate on time, then he needs to get his life in order.

Easier said than done. Especially given… well… his life.

And if he’s honest, being home isn’t helping much. Or any. If anything, it’s just stressing him out.

There is peace in his chores. When he goes out to work on the farm, he’s focused, and he knows what he’s doing, and it feels worthwhile. He’s helping in a completely ordinary way. He’s taking some of the burden of the work off his parents.

And with his dad flying away every other night, his mom needs the help. Jon likes to help. The problem is when there’s no more work to do. Because when there’s no more work to do, there’s nothing to do, and all Jon can do is sit in his room, stare at a book, or a screen, and wait until there is something else to do.

What happened to little me who’d rush through chores just to run off and do something fun? Jon thinks, balancing his bookmark on his nose. Now I draw them out as long as I can, and I have nowhere to run to if I wanted. Where did I used to go?

His mind wanders to the batcave, and to his base with Damian when they started their little team, and he sighs. Right. Hero work. Was that all I could think about back then? Why can’t I- Why does it hurt to think about now?

Jon tosses his bookmark back between the pages in his hands and sets his book aside. He doesn’t want to be a hero. The thought of actually putting the cape back on again makes him feel ill, and when he thinks about facing once more some of the things he’s already beaten, he freezes. It’s like he runs headfirst straight into a brick wall and he’s thrown back, out of breath, aching, and powerless.

So, he opens his window and jumps out like any normal human being, walks a while out onto the flat farmland, and finds one of the sparse trees dotting the landscape. He climbs up into it, consciously avoiding use of flight to make the effort easier, feeling the rough bark on his palms, smelling the earth and wood and the dust and hay, hearing the night bugs singing to each other, and takes a seat on long branch outstretched like a hand.

Directly above him is the tree’s canopy, of course, but forward is the horizon. The land is flat, with only the occasional far-distant farmhouse interrupting it. Behind him, in the distance, if he looks closely, he can see Metropolis, but ahead of him the world stretches until it meets the sky and the dotted farmhouses turn into a multitude of stars, and then there’s a whole galaxy right in front of him.

A galaxy ahead of him, and Jon doesn’t know what to do. He feels so small. Just a kid in a tree in the infinite vastness of space. He can fly anywhere, do anything, and yet… he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t know what he wants. All he knows is that it isn’t to go “up, up, and away.”

If every star is some future him that he can become, if every star is an opportunity, which one does he take? Can he fly away with Aquila? Can he grab the handle of the big dipper? Learn to hunt from Orion or play something beautiful with Lyra?

“Heh…” He chuckles, almost huffing. “Ridiculous.”

Idle fantasies are all that is. It’s nice, to think he has so many options, to think he can do anything he dreams. But dreams are dreams and reality is reality. People don’t have those infinite chances, and he’s no different. He just doesn’t want to squander the chances that he does have. Quite frankly, those much more limited chances are already too many for him to process. So how is he supposed to just go out and pick something?

He’s been Superboy his whole life, or all his life that matters, at least. How is he supposed to figure out what he wants to do, if he doesn’t even know who he is? Jon doesn’t know. He doesn’t know much of anything except for that Aquila is way too far above him to ever reach.

Jon is twenty years old. He’s been on this planet for twenty years. Half his life he’s had two names. One devoted to protecting the people of Earth, and one devoted to protecting the other name. Without Superboy he doesn’t have purpose, but… Jon feels the wood of the tree strain under his grip, and it’s only his long, long years of mastering his control that stops him from destroying the branch entirely and sending him plummeting to the ground. He’s not even ten feet up and he’s literally invulnerable, but that drop scares him.

It reminds him of every far worse fall he’s taken, and it reminds him that no one is there to catch him anymore. No one else is on this path he’s started down. No one else is walking away from Perseus. Most people are trying to sail towards it. Most especially his parents.

Well, no one except for Marinette. At least she knows where she wants to end up. She’s running towards another constellation; Jon is simply running away. It makes his eyes sting, like the dust has finally gotten to them, and he ducks his head despite knowing he’ll never spot his next constellation if he can’t look up.

“Am I a coward?” Jon asks. He’s again in a place he doesn’t belong. He’s underdressed and unprepared but he’s here because he doesn’t know where he’s running and Damian has… well if nothing else, he has a very clear outlook on the world. Perhaps not the best, or healthiest, but it’s stark and defined and solid. And Jon is tired of falling. “Because I can’t be a hero? Does stepping down make me a… scared, selfish…”

“Not at all.”

Jon blinks, taken aback. “Wh- really?”

Damian quirks his brow, giving him a precious glance away from whatever is going on on the computer screen. “Did you want me to say yes?”

Jon runs his hands through his hair. “I’m- I don’t want you to tell me what you think I want to hear! I want to hear what you really think. Am I a coward for quitting being a hero?”

“No.” Damian says. “And I won’t repeat myself a third time.” Jon stares at him, baffled by how Damian freaking Wayne can sit there so casually telling him he’s not a coward as if quitting hero duty doesn’t go against everything the man stands for. Damian, who earlier this very year chastised him for not answering the call of duty when he’s not even on duty, who for their entire lives has been dragging Jon around the world on missions to save it, does not think Jon is chickening out when that’s pretty much objectively what Jon’s doing.

Because it is. Jon is just too scared to fight. He’s not dumb, he knows what panic is. Lord knows he’s felt it enough. He’s a nearly invulnerable alien with a whole menagerie of deus ex machina powers and he’s frightened to death of a mugger attacking a stranger. Jon has no idea how on Earth Damian can come to a different conclusion.

Damian sighs. He rubs at his eyes in an unexpectedly tired motion and pulls off his mask. “Jon, you know I am not… the best with things like this.”

Yeah, you don’t say. Jon bites his tongue to stop from saying what pops into his mind. It’s mean, and he doesn’t want to lash out just because he’s upset about his own problems that don’t have anything to do with his friend. He knows it’s still hard for Damian to admit his flaws, so rubbing it in when he does isn’t what a good friend would do.

“So, I will say it simply. From what you have told me, I believe your childhood of fighting as a hero has traumatized you, and it is simply logical that you are unable to continue. I do not blame you at all for stepping down.”

Jon hugs himself. “Why, though? You’ve been in worse situations for longer than me, and you’ve done almost everything I have on top of it, and you don’t even have powers. And- And I was fine until a little while ago! Why can’t I… be brave enough?”

Damian frowns. “I… am confused. I was under the impression that you are happy with your decision to retire. Do you want to be Superboy again?”

“No!” The way Jon yells is perhaps a bit too desperate, but he just reacts. “God, no! I just… I keep thinking about all the people that I could be saving if I was, and I think about how sitting on my thumbs like I am is hurting those people, and then I think I’m a bad person because I didn’t help someone when I could have and it’s all just pointless suffering because I don’t even know how to not… hero. And I’m selfish because I still don’t want to be a hero again, and I’m worthless because I don’t even know what I’m doing and that’s just ending up with me doing nothing, and I’m-”

“Jon!” Jon flinches away from the voice, reacting to the stern authority it holds and shutting his mouth. “You are none of those things, Jon.” Damian says firmly. Jon just watches timidly as he sighs, crosses his arms, closes his eyes, and leans back in his chair. “Look.” Damian finally sighs. “You are one of the most brilliant people I have ever met. One of the few people I am truly honored to call a friend. It does not matter if you’re Superboy or not. That does not change your worth.”

Damian stands to approach Jon. All he does is put his hands on Jon’s shoulders, but that’s more than Jon expects. It settles some of the excitement in his gut. “No one reacts to trauma the same way. In my family, punching criminals is a coping mechanism, because we all have our own baggage we came into this life with. Your family isn’t mine, and you are not me. You retired, and you felt safe, so you began to process all the trauma you could not before then. That is why you panic, like you just did, when you contemplate coming back. That’s why you can’t be Superboy, and thus cannot be called a coward for not doing so. Understand?”

Jon nods numbly. Damian makes sense. He usually does. When he doesn’t have his head up his own butt, but that’s been getting less and less common as they get older.

“You are a good person, Jon. Insufferably so, sometimes. No matter what else, don’t doubt that.”

“I…” Jon isn’t sure what to say. This is pretty much the exact opposite of what he expects from Damian. But… Lord. He wraps his arms tight around Damian. “Thank you.”

“Gah- Hey! Unhand me!”

Jon giggles, squeezes him just a little tighter, and lets him go. “Thanks.” Jon says again. “I really needed to hear that.”

Damian tuts derisively. “Yes, well… you’re welcome. Are you feeling better?”

“A little.” Jon says honestly. “I still need to figure out what I’m going to do, but I’m… a little more confident that I’m doing the right thing.”

“Why did you not think so? Out of guilt?”

“Partly.” Jon rubs his arms awkwardly. “Partly because it still just… it’s all confusing. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m not just talking about my major. I don’t know basically anything. I’m trying to figure out where I want to take my life while I’m trying to figure out how to just be human and I…” He sighs. “I don’t know.”

Damian hums. “You know, I went through a lot of grief reconciling being the son of batman as well as being an al Ghul.”

Jon frowns. “Yeah. And?”

“And when I first came here, I tried to do batman’s thing, in the only way I knew how. The way my mother taught me. Father had to teach me how to be a hero in his way, molded after him and my brothers in their time as Robin.”

“Is there… a lesson here?”

Damian sighs. “The lesson is that you are not human, Jon. Whether you’re a hero or not, you are still half-Kryptonian. I was trying to say that I could never be happy here so long as I kept fighting so hard to reject the fact that I am an al Ghul. Yes, I obviously had to reject the House of al Ghul, but to pretend I was never part of it would be to pretend my entire childhood is not what it was. I will never be ‘normal’ as most people consider it. You won’t either. Your father became Superman in part because he could not stand to hide among humans. You face the same problem, hero or no.”

Jon huffs. “Well, I can’t be a hero and I can’t be normal, so what the hell am I?”

Damian rolls his eyes. “You’re Jon Kent. I don’t have the answers for you. I simply told you what I think.” He sighs. “I wish I could help, but I can’t tell you what to do with your life. We both know that would end disastrously.”

“Aha, yeah. That would be a mess.”

Jon spies a rare smile from Damian. “I do want the best for you. That is why I’m telling you this. Don’t hang your hopes on the common idea of normal. It necessarily excludes people like us. Find something you’re happy with and make that your normal.”

Jon takes a moment to contemplate that. Realistically, he knows Damian is right. No one’s normal includes hiding superpowers and an alien heritage and a heroic past. The very idea that half-Kryptonian Jon can be normal is, at its very core, laughable.

Yet… there was a point in time that he felt that way. When he felt like he could do it. Live an average life despite everything. That was… when he was close with Marinette. And Jon still isn’t sure how much of that was chemistry between them as friends, or just Marinette’s personality making him feel at home, or him just throwing all his hopes on her and needing it to work so badly that he tricked himself into making it work, but… he definitely knows how he felt. So, it is possible. Yet, Jon feels like it wouldn’t have been had he lived with anyone but Marinette, so maybe it only was possible then because neither of them are actually normal in the first place. Maybe them finding normal is only because they aren’t.

And now Jon’s head is starting to hurt. Still, “I think you’re probably right.” He says to Damian. “I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.”

Damian nods shortly to acknowledge and dismiss him.

Before Jon leaves, though, he stops to look back at Damian. “You’ve really grown up, you know.”

Damian clicks his tongue. He’s already back on the computer, clacking away at the keys. “I’m twenty-three years old now. I should hope so.”

Jon snickers and turns away. That’s fair. I guess we’re all growing up.

Jon can’t be a hero and he can’t be normal. He can be happy, though. He may have only brushed hands with it so far, but he can. When Jon heads out to sit in a tree just a few days before he needs to leave once more for college, Jon has hope. Hope for the future, for a future in which he’s content and safe and, to an extent, normal.

The only problem is that he still can’t quite picture it. He still doesn’t know exactly how to get there, or even in which direction he should go. And he still has no idea what he should major in. And that’s… kind of annoying.

You have plenty of time, Jon thinks, sarcastically, not like you’ve wasted your entire year not figuring it out or anything.

What do I even want to do? I always assumed I’d be a journalist. I’m not against it, but what if there’s something else I’d like more? What if I choose wrong? And even if I do become a journalist, should I study it in college, or should I pick something else like I planned from the start?

Will I stay sane in three years of psychology classes?

Yeah, no, probably not. I could take ethics and lecture dad. That’d be funny. Lot of work for a joke, though.

Or I coul-

“Jon? Is that you? You know, I didn’t take you for the brooding type.”

Jon just about falls out of his tree when he jumps and tries to spin around to see who found him here in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. “Aunt Kara!” He whines. “Don’t sneak up on me like that! How did you even know I was here?”

Supergirl snickers. “I can read your mind, remember? And you think very loudly.”

Jon just crosses his arms, pouting. He knows his cheeks color at the reminder of how she used to tease him, which only makes him more embarrassed because he knows that’s the reaction she wants. “That’s not funny, Aunt Kara.”

Shrugging, she says, “I thought it was. Nah, your friend told me you’d be here. Brooding.”

Goddamn it, Damian. “How did he- no, wait, he’s Damian. Never mind.” Jon sighs. “Not that I’m not happy to see you… in the middle of the night… do Mom and Dad even know you’re here?”

“I don’t need their permission to see my nephew!”

“You’re on their property.”

“I’m above their property.” Supergirl grins, gesturing to her feet, which are a good five feet off the ground.

Jon shakes his head. “Whatever. Why are you here?”

Supergirl laughs. “Aw, is that any way to talk to your favorite aunt?” Jon just rolls his eyes. After a moment, Supergirl sobers, her expression softens, and she asks, “Mind if I join you?”

Jon purses his lips and moves over a little, allowing Supergirl to sit next to him on the branch. They’re squished together, and Supergirl throws her arm around his shoulders, but Jon doesn’t honestly mind. She likes to tease him, but she is his aunt. He loves her.

“So, want to tell me why you’re out here instead of sleeping?”

“Why?” Jon counters. “Damian’s already told you.”

She tilts her head in non-committal gesture. “Maybe, maybe not. I don’t care what he says. I want you to tell me. What’s up?”

Jon sighs. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know anything. That’s the problem. I’m starting second year – I really need to figure out what I’m going to study – and recently I’ve been doubting I even want to- er, never mind.”

Supergirl’s gaze pierces into him. As much as he loves her, and as fun of an aunt she can be, it’s always been obvious to Jon that she’s the most… alien of them. It makes sense, considering she actually remembers Krypton, but even so there are times when she can be downright unsettling. It makes him feel… vulnerable. Like she can see every facet of him. It’s doubly unsettling, he finds, when he can’t even see his own facets. “Everyone wonders what they’re going to do with their lives.” Supergirl says gently. “College isn’t the end of the road. A lot of people don’t find their calling until much later in their lives.”

Jon tugs at his hair. “Yeah, that’s a nice thought and all, but I still need to pick a major.”

Supergirl snorts. “Alright. Fair, then. You’ve got to make a choice. What do you want to do? Throw some ideas out, let’s spitball. It’s a longstanding family tradition to go into journalism. How do you feel about that?”

Jon flinches. “Lukewarm.”

Supergirl laughs again. “Alright. How about, uh photography?”

“I’ve got a pretty steady hand?” Jon shrugs.

“Hm. Analytics?”

“Hard yikes.”

“You’re a tough nut, aren’t you? Alright, how about… graphics design?”

“Do you actually not know any jobs except what goes into the news?”

Supergirl scoffs playfully. “Are you mocking me? My favorite nephew, being so mean to me when I’m only trying to help!” Jon has to spend a moment fighting off her playful shoving and trying his best to not fall out of the tree, but by the time she relents, he’s out of breath from laughing and his cheeks hurt.

And that’s why he loves Aunt Kara. She can always cheer him up. She’s always been strangely good at that. No matter what kind of mood he’s in, she always manages to bring him out of his shell. She makes him feel… not like himself, but like he can be himself. Like it’s safe to be anything he wants, and she won’t judge him.

Maybe it’s just because she can be a bit weird herself sometimes.

“Hey.” She leans in close to him, like she’s sharing a secret. “Want to get out of here?”

“And go where?”

“On a… field trip.” She says. “Come on.”

“I don’t know, Aunt Kara. We should probably tell Mom and Dad if we’re going somewhere.”

“Pssh, they won’t know we left! Besides, you’re with me! Nothing can happen to you while I’m here. Also, uh, you’re twenty now, Jon. You don’t need their permission to go out.”

“It’s not about permission. I’m still living with them.” Jon protests. “It’s just courtesy, so they don’t worry.”

Supergirl rolls her eyes. “We’ll write them a note. Come on.”

Jon sighs. “Alright. Where are we going, though?”

Supergirl winks conspiratorially. “You’ll see.”

They quickly write a note (even though Aunt Kara insists they’ll be back before his parents wake up – which Jon hopes is true, because he does want to sleep tonight) and take off, Supergirl in her cape and him in pajama pants and a flannel shirt. And he knows where they’re going. He figures it out when they don’t stop at any sensible place to do so. The Fortress of Solitude.

“Here we are!” Supergirl chirps. “This is a much better place to brood!”

Jon’s laugh is almost helpless as he covers his face. He thought going into the batcave was weird after he retired. This? The Fortress? It’s too much.

Jon knows the Fortress of Solitude. He’s used it as a base when he was Superboy just like Aunt Kara and his dad does. When he peeks around at the alien architecture and almost magical technology, all Jon can think about is the damn “S.” It doesn’t help that it’s plastered all over the place, either.

When he walks into the Fortress of Solitude, Jon looks up at the statues of his grandparents, flinches at the burn of that “S” on their chests being branded into his skull, and feels like a failure.

When he sits in a tree and watches the stars on the horizon, he feels small in a cosmic sense. It puts him into perspective on a grand scale, and things are a little easier to think about because ultimately it doesn’t weigh all that much. When he looks up at the statue of the grandparents he’ll never know, he’s also put into perspective, just not as a speck in the infinite vastness of the universe.

No, under their eyes, he’s, in essence, the heir of Krypton.

An entire world destroyed. Two survivors. One goes on to have a son. And then that son does everything he can to be as human as possible. How must he devastate these people? This world whose culture and traditions will probably die with Aunt Kara?

A part of Jon wants to carry that burden, too. To carry on Krypton and live for them. But Jon has lived his life for other people up until this point and because of that, now he’s lost. He can’t carry a world on his shoulders. He hates that that means that his aunt has to do so for him, but he can’t. He’s not that strong.

Being in the Fortress is too much for him. Already he feels like it’s crushing him. How can he carry such a weight? How can he carry Krypton, when he doesn’t know anything about it? He’s never been there, never experienced it. He doesn’t even have a Kryptonian name! Being human is already complicated enough. Jon can’t be Kryptonian on top of that.

He’s starting to think he knows how Atlas feels.

“Are you okay, Jon?”

Jon shakes his head. His throat is tight and clogged and he can’t seem to clear it. It takes him some time to manage to ask, “Why’d you bring me here?”

“Because I know what you’re afraid of.” Supergirl says plainly. “Kal and I both went through the same thing. Listen, Jon.” She takes his hands in hers, and he lifts his eyes to meet hers. “You are at a point in your life where you’re trying to decide your whole future. What you’ll take with you, what you’ll leave behind, what path you want to follow.

“Damian told me that he’s worried you’re rejecting part of yourself. The Kryptonian part. He said that you want to be completely human.”

Jon turns his gaze back to the ground. “That’s… partly true. I just want to live like an ordinary person. I don’t want any of…” He sighs. “this.”

“I know.”

“I- you do?” Jon furrows his brow. If he’s honest, he expects Aunt Kara to be angry with him. Krypton is very important to her, so to admit that he’s trying to distance himself from it even so long after it’s death must hurt.

“Of course, I do, kiddo. I live on Earth, too. Earth is my home, too. I know what it’s like to want to fit in.”

Yeah. Jon supposes she would.

“And I want to help you.” Supergirl says, firmer. “You’re having trouble making a decision, right? So, you’re going to make one. Here. That’s the real reason I brought you here. Come on, I’ve got something to show you.”

Supergirl guides him by the hand into another room. She opens a box, almost reverently, and pulls out a large flag. There’s a planet in the middle, blue and green like Earth, but the land masses are different (Jon at least knows enough to recognize it as Krypton) with rays of color filling the rest of the flag. It’s Krypton, in a rainbow halo, sort of. “Do you know what this is?” Supergirl asks.

Jon does. “The Kryptonian flag.”

Supergirl gives him a smile. “Do you know what it represents?”

“Krypton?” Jon purses his lips.

She chuckles. “Essentially, yes. The design of the flag was chosen to represent the Girod.”

“The eleven virtues.” Jon says.

“Exactly! Do you remember what they are?”

Jon again averts his gaze.

“It’s alright, Jon.”

“I’m sorry. I feel like I should know more about Krypton.”

“Do you want to?” Supergirl asks the question so casually that Jon is a little thrown off. “Because that’s the decision I want you to make tonight.” Her tone gets more serious again, making Jon wince. “The Girod is the foundation of Kryptonian society. This,” she indicates the flag, “is what it means to be Kryptonian.

“Diversity coming from unity. In the center, that’s Unity. The three green rays are the core virtues. From lightest to darkest in color, Truth, Industriousness, and Justice. Peace, Synergy, Imagination, Purity, Restraint, Hope, Altruism.”

Jon’s cheeks warm, because he feels like a little kid all over again with Aunt Kara explaining the Girod to him. His knowledge of Krypton is limited, and indeed this very subject is one he’s been taught and forgotten, but he knows this is quite literally one of the first things Kryptonian kids would learn. It’s the core of their whole society.

“Damian is worried that if you turn your back on Krypton, you won’t ever be happy, but he doesn’t know what it’s like to have millions of years of culture, technology, family, meaning… whole civilizations wiped out. We’re all that remains of Krypton. I can’t change your DNA. You can’t be totally human. But, I can tell you this: Krypton is not your burden to carry. It’s dead.” Supergirl closes her eyes, and Jon has a sinking feeling she’s trying not to cry. After a moment, she pats the flag gently. “If you don’t want this, we’re not going to make you take it. Okay? If you want to live your life like a human, then that’s okay. I will never try to force you to carry on Krypton’s legacy.”

Jon stares at the flag in Supergirl’s lap. Eleven virtues, each one more impossible to achieve than the last. Did Krypton really achieve this, or is this just an ideal? Because… “That’s a lot to live up to.”

“I know. It’s not easy, and you won’t be perfect, but whatever you choose, whether you want to be human or if you want to be Kryptonian, or both, I’m proud of you. You’ve grown up into such a brave young man, and I can honestly say that you are one of the best people I know. By both human and Kryptonian standards.”

“A-Aunt Kara, I…”

“I know this doesn’t help you decide what career you want to go into or what you want to study,” Supergirl says, lowering her head to look at the flag, “but I felt it was important for you to know. You are not responsible for Krypton. Kal and I are not going to stop you from living however you want. You know Krypton is very important to me, but you know what’s more important?”

“…What?” Jon has a sneaking suspicion he knows exactly what.

“You. I still honor where I came from, and I do my best to keep our culture and traditions alive, but Krypton is dead. It’s our heritage, and it’s important to me, but it’s not a big deal if it isn’t to you. I promise. You’ve never even seen it. I wouldn’t blame you if you can’t connect to it. Human culture is much more… relevant. Even for me.” She watches him with that piercing, alien gaze again. “Right now, you’re deciding where you want your life to go. I want to tell you that if you don’t want it to include Krypton, it doesn’t have to. You’re not obligated to try to preserve it. And neither Kal nor I will judge you for it.”

Jon chuckles nervously. “You sure about Dad?”

Supergirl giggles. “I promise. We all just want you to be happy. You’re far more important than a dead culture.”

“I… I…” Jon chokes down his emotions again, and just goes for a hug instead of trying to explain. “Thank you.”

Supergirl’s hug is crushing, as always. It’s familiar, completely inhuman, and remarkably comforting. When she does let him go, though, she asks, “So, what’s your decision?”

“My decision…” Jon’s throat goes dry. “About whether I’m Kryptonian or not?” Supergirl inclines her head. Jon sighs. He looks again to the flag in her lap. “Diversity from unity. It sounds like a… beautiful ideal.”

“It was beautiful.” Supergirl says softly.

Jon closes his eyes. This is his get out of jail free card. All the pressure of his Kryptonian heritage shed just like that. With one decision. No judgement, no punishment. And somewhere inside him, Jon really does resent the Kryptonian part of him. It’s what makes him different. It’s what means he’ll never be normal. It’s what gives him the ability that curses his fear and unwillingness, and brands him evil by neglect.

But him being Kryptonian can’t change. Damian’s right. Rejecting Krypton won’t make him any more human. His DNA is beyond anyone’s ability to simply rewrite. Embracing it, though? Carrying the weight of Krypton’s culture, of its people, like Atlas holding the heavens? How is that better?

“Diversity from unity.” Jon thinks. Maybe that’s how. It’s Marinette. It’s being together, finding their normal, not because they’re regular people through and through, but because of their differences. It’s what makes them unique that makes them belong, not what makes them the same.

Jon isn’t entirely sure he buys that, but it’s… such a beautiful ideal. He hopes for it. If nothing else, it’s a direction. Something to strive for. “Can I…” He says, hesitantly, as his answer, “keep that?”

Supergirl’s eyes follow his finger, and her lips twitch upwards into a smile. “Of course,” She says. Carefully, she folds up the Kryptonian flag and hands it off to him.

It’s heavier than he expects. Sort of like the cape. He doubts himself, but he wants to dream. He wants to believe the Girod is more than just an ideal.

“You know, Kal never gave you a Kryptonian name, did he?” Supergirl says suddenly, startling Jon.

“O-oh, uh, no. I’m just… just Jon.”

“Jon.” Supergirl hums as she leads the way back to the main room of the Fortress. “How about Kon-El? That suits you, don’t you think?”

Jon blinks. “Kon-El? Where’d the K come from?”

“Kara! Duh!” Supergirl winks at him.

She always can make Jon laugh. “And that’s… a traditional Kryptonian way to name a kid, huh?” He teases.

“Pfft, no, that’s just because I’m awesome.” They laugh together until they come upon the statue of Jon’s grandparents and he gets lost staring at them again. He’s not sure if he can live up to their ideals. In truth, he’s not even sure how much he can do to try. “Or I could name you after your granddad, like Kal did. Jor-El. You’re still a J that way.”

Jon manages a smile for the frozen images of his grandparents. “I don’t know.”

“He’d be proud of you, you know. They both would. I know you never met them, but… they’d be proud.”

“Yeah.” Jon takes a deep breath and tears his eyes from the statues once more. “Thanks, Aunt Kara.”

——-=——-

Tag List: @moonystars14 @pawsitivelymiraculous @magic-miraculous @vixen-uchiha @buticaaba @bigpicklebananatree @lozzybowe @moonlightstar64 @amayakans @theatreandcomicfreak @toodaloo-kangaroo @too0bsessedformyowngood <3

#miraculous ladybug fanfiction #ml fanfiction #ml x dc #maribat #marijon #ehhtrtd

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moonraccoon-exe · 5 years ago

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Cor, pre-Prompto: "I have never eaten anything nutritious in my life." Clarus, having witnessed his coffee, cup noodle, orange juice cabinets: *sighing* "We all know this Cor, and we wonder how you're still alive daily." Cor, with Prompto: "Would you like a triple veggie and cheese omlet before we go?" Clarus: "Did I walk into the wrong house-" Regis, stuffing his mouth: "Can I get anoffer?"

*PUNCHES THROUGH THE WALL*

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long ago I received a couple asks with a similar scenario (you radiate the same vibe, anon! Are you the same person? YOU CUPCAKE

Cor, the idiot that’s always like “eh” about his own life, like not caring, surviving on Cup Noodles because “it works just fine” and “everything comes out as poop anyway how bad can it be”. Simple...overly simple Cor not really in the mindset to cook.

With only 1 pair of shoes, 1 pair of socks, 1 pair of everything. THE SIMPLEST MAN ON EARTH.Overly simple Cor boy living off cup noodles, pre-made food, and his beloved microwave that does things for him.

SUDDENLY GETS BABY.

I imagine Cor having a bit of a SO MUCH PANIC HE CAN ONLY FREEZE moment while staring intensely at Prompto but nowhere at all at the same time because

HE JUST REALIZED

25 YEARS INTO BEING ON THIS PLANET

THAT MAYBE

MAYBE CUP NOODLES AREN’T BABY FOOD, ARE THEY????

Sunshine Bebe arrives to Papa’s life, changes it completely.

Cor rushed to emtpy his cupboards like FUCKING THROW IT ALL AWAY, TAKE EVERYTHING AND TOSS IT OUT, TOSS THOSE FROZEN WAFFLES TOSS THOSE CUP NOODLES TOSS THOSE PRE-MADE PLASTIC FOOD, NONE OF THIS, BABY CAN GET CLOSE TO NONE OF THIS IT’S NOT HEALTHY FOR HIM BABY NEEDS TO-

“Hey Cor and why are you doing this only now for the baby and never for yourse-”

“IT’S NOT THE S A ME RE GIS”

So there is papa Cor absoLUTELY FUCKING DESTROYING EVERYTHING THAT HE USED TO BE TO MAKE THE HEALTHIEST MOST PRETTIEST ENVIRONMENT POSSIBLE FOR BEBE

“Hey Cor but you didn’t need to throw your soups away, you could eat those while baby gets the healthy fo-”

“aND HOW. ¿¿¿ !! AM I GOING ?? TO BE A ROLE MODEL FOR HIM ANY DAY HM??? ANGEL NEEDS A ROLE MODEL PAPA, SO FUCKING BUCKLE UP I’M GOING TO BE THE MOST FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING HEALTHIEST DAD IN THE WORLD SO HE’S TWICE THE HEALTHIER, BEBE NEEDS IT”

And hence, as one of those old asks said, Cor goes into EVERY COOKING CLASS OF INSOMNIA that he finds. Like. EVERY ONE OF THEM. He got into fucking ROYAL MASTER COOKING CLASS SO HE CAN MAKE A ROYAL GOLDEN CAVIAR A LA ROY DU LEON IF HE FREAKING HECCKING GODDAMN NEEDS TO FOR HIS SON

Because Cor

He just. He loves PrompTO SO M U C H

“Hey dad can I have some cereal please”

“HERE YOU GO, EXTRA NUTRITIOUS STEAK WITH RICE WITH BITS OF CARROT AND PEAS, YUMMY BEANS HERE, LETTUCE AND ONION AND TOMATO HERE, AND A SMILEY POTATO-MAN WITH A HAT, DO YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE DARLING PLS TELL ME, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY PLS TELL ME YOU’RE HAPPY AND HEALTHY”

And y’all wonder just WHY Prommy’s such a sunshine boi, the sweetie.

BEST COOK PAPA EVER.

#coonaswers #papa cor #Anonymous

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bettertheworld · 4 years ago

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How and why fear scares people into eating meat.

Did you ever wonder why you ate what you ate as a child? Do you wonder why you continue to eat what you eat? Or are you simply on autopilot because you don’t think it matters all that much and you basically have it all figured out? Or do you feel powerless, and confused with the amount of fake news out there about food and you’re not sure where the hell to find real information? The answer does not lie in marketing, it lies in scientific research; geeks required.

Quick disclaimer - I’ve been through University and have a Bachelor of Science with a minor in Psychology and am trained as a Paramedic and for all of the years I’ve been out of school, I’ve become a geeky Paramedic thereby educating myself with regard to emergency medicine and the causes of our main killers.

What I find to be most useful with regard to school is how I am able to read research and make sense of it. Giving credit to where credit is due is not as easy as it seems - this is why ‘that guy’ or ‘my friend’s friend’ literally knows nothing, and anyone who refers to life rules from those sources, does not know as much as a person who refers to scientific journals.

Now with regard to food, I’ll be able to help you digest some of what’s out there and help you critically think for yourself. I won’t do it for you, but I’ll help you do it yourself, so bring your critical thinking, and bring your skepticism, I welcome it.

“Everything in moderation”, we’ve been told, except moderation has never been shown to be effective, i.e. reversing certain illnesses the way a specific diet has. Can you guess which diet has cured a the most common killers in today’s society? If you were able to guess, do enjoy this write-up, if not here’s a hint - it contains no animal products and I encourage you to open your mind and do some research after reading this. If this challenges you to your core and are offended, you are probably upset that your feelings and actions are in direct conflict, but that’s okay - real information will fix that.

On the topic of real news, here’s a few gems; butter from dairy in your coffee is never healthy, eggs are never part of the healthiest diet possible, and bacon is the quickest way for you to cause cancer and heart attacks in yourself. Eggs are the most concentrated glom of cholesterol you can eat on the planet and most people are born lactose-intolerant because we’re not cows, we’re people, so why would it ever be a good idea to challenge the body in such a way that it actually doesn’t want to be? In later write-ups, I’ll discuss the ‘Lac-operon’.

One thing you’ll need to do is always consider the source of research. Just because Dr. Oz or some “Doctor” or “professional” goes on TV blabbing out the benefits, of X, Y and Z or saying “the relationship isn’t strong enough to prove anything”, you have to ask yourself, who has done the research on the topic and who paid for the research to be done?

Rich people paying for research have a reason for doing research, it’s always about money, and they always get what they want in some way, shape or form due to the flexibility of statistical analysis. Rich people with money who have gone out of their way to pay for research, are also most likely to be taking advantage of nearly everyone downhill - kind of the way Trump does business. The sick-minded narcissistic ways the meat and dairy industries are run, if admitted by everyone would shudder in disbelief. The veil that has been pulled down before all of our eyes is real, and needs to be lifted.

The problem with foods is that as the research comes out, then another paper comes out to deny the ‘realness’ of the original - now who do you believe? This is especially true when it comes to foods containing cholesterol - animals products. You might wonder why animal products contain cholesterol? Because their cell walls contain cholesterol, just like ours do. Why do companies want to exploit this? Animals do not have rights the way humans do, so if companies can get away with exploiting animals and make a bunch of money doing so, and people are dumb enough to support this because they need huge amount of protein (because they don’t know how little they actually need), then my friend, you are indeed a sucker supporting Trump-like meat and dairy businessmen.

Cholesterol is needed by the human body to have strong cell walls and it’s made inside our own bodies, it’s never required to be eaten because your body makes all it needs. When people eat cholesterol, consider the fact that it is a solid at room temperature and has a melting point of 148 degrees Celsius. That means until you get to that temperature, it’s a solid - this is why it gets stuck in your arteries, and remaining in your arteries until it’s pushed into the walls or is broken down; if you’re smart enough to stop eating cholesterol.

Our bodies make what it needs, you never need to eat cholesterol, so saying certain foods have ‘good’ and ‘bad’ cholesterol is like saying cyanide, sometimes is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. We all know that ALL CYANIDE IS BAD CYANIDE, but we don’t all know that ALL CHOLESTEROL IS BAD CHOLESTEROL. We know all cyanide is bad cyanide because the effects of cyanide poisoning are very quick and easy to notice, but the effects of cholesterol-poisoning have a delayed onset - so long that many of us could never piece it altogether, and we call the manifestations of this poisoning ‘heart attacks’.

Do you know there are strong correlations between certain types of foods and certain illnesses? Do you know you can avoid the major killers in today’s society by avoiding the bad foods? It’s difficult to say what’s ‘good’ and what’s ‘bad’ because both of those denotations are subjective, but when it comes to cancer, heart attacks, strokes, the science is clear, animal products are killing you, slowly but surely - decreasing the years you get to live on this earth, and decreasing the quality of life that you live.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, a life not fearing cancer, heart attacks, high blood cholesterol, and best of all, not fearing high blood pressure which is also called “the silent killer”? All too often you hear people say, “Yeah, my father died of a heart attack, so I will one day too”. While there is a wee bit of truth to this statement, the amount of greatly overestimated. Habits and traditions are what are subconsciously passed down to next generation, thereby the body tends to react similarly as time goes because you’re eating the same foods with roughly the same body.

But what is hugely undervalued is with a change of habits, i.e. change of food sources, comes great opportunity to change your destiny. Just because dad had a heart attack or had cancer, does not mean you’re going to have one or die from one. Even if we have cancer genetics, certain foods promote ‘cancer-genetics’ and others thwart these genes from producing cancer.

Once you remove the foods that are associated with hardening of the arteries, you don’t have to worry about hardening arteries anymore. Without hardening arteries and clogging them with cholesterol, your risk for a heart attack was just cut down to nearly to a huge degree. Food matters, food matters a lot.

There are many peer-reviewed scientific journals out there - pubmed being a great starting place, which discusses how plant-based whole foods diets are reversing diabetes and reversing clogged arteries associated with heart attacks? Did the meat-producers forget to tell you this?

If my memory serves me correctly, it was something like 84% of diabetic patients, within 20 weeks of a new whole foods plant-based diets were off their diabetic medications having fixed their insulin resistance. Diabetes is a problem of physical nature, if all or most of the sites where the sugar goes from your vasculature to your functional cells of your body are blocked with cholesterol and other fats, then you my friend are ‘diabetic’. When you clear those sites with a whole-foods, plant-based diet you have essentially cured yourself of diabetes. Animal-fats have higher boiling points than that of vegetable sources, this is why they’re problematic for us.

Similarly, this same vegan diet was proven to erode the cholesterol in the arteries, thereby cleaning up the arteries, and with regard to the heart, you’ve now decreased your likelihood of having a heart attack. The vegan diet works for both illnesses because both of these problems happen in the tubes of the body, the highway, the vasculature, arteries to be exact.

With diabetes, you remove the cholesterol and stuff that sticks to it, thereby allowing insulin to let sugar into the cells from the arteries, and with heart attacks, you allow blood to circulate through the coronary arteries more freely now that the plant-based whole foods diet has eroded away the cholesterol and other fat-soluble substances stuck into the walls thereby blocking the blood-flow.

This is where we discuss the problem with saying ‘everything in moderation’. Science can now say, with certainty that a plant-based whole foods diet will fix your arteries nearly all of the time, but no one can say that eating one piece of meat per day will allow the same progress to occur - so let’s critically think, is ‘everything in moderation’ even true? Who made this garbage up? My guess is probably some Doctor who was making allowances for him or herself!

We all love to hear good things about our bad habits, but you’ll never hear a teacher tell a student, “It’s ok that you don’t really try very often in my class, everything in moderation my dear.” So why do we give ourselves allowances based on our own wants when it comes to food? If you’re a scholar, if you’re a critical thinker, if you value your body, you need to begin asking yourselves the questions that matter; how much do I value my health - do I even care about myself, or the future? Or maybe you aren’t a scholar, thinker, or maybe you don’t care and that’s why you refuse to understand what science has proven. Again, if you take offence to this, you’re at war with yourself. Everything I write is based on science but I do not write the sources in.

When I discovered these facts, I went on a rampage, trying to help everyone, wasting my energy and burning bridges, but now I’m leaving it all out on the table for like-minded people to read. I assume we all are like-minded because everyone just wants the best for themselves and their loved ones. It might be shocking to be challenged, so I’ll do my best to maintain neutrality, but what you might discover by following me might change the course of your life and sometimes we need a little challenge, but not too much.

You can’t free an oppressor, or the oppressed with oppression itself, it must be with deliberate care and without imposing ones beliefs, it must be with information, not by force. While I could use the platform to shred fools who base their decisions not on science but tradition, instead I’m going to empower you and not make you feel stupid for being duped - because we all have been duped by the meat and dairy industry. I want to continue to critically think, and beg for you to do the same.

Did you think you had free will when you were developing your eating habits and family traditions? Did you think you chose your food yourself with a sense of ownership? Or did you just want to fit in with the rest of your family? Did you not want to disappoint your parents by not finishing food prepared for you? Did you want to be guilty of letting an animal die for you, and you denying eating it forcing your parents to throw it out and waste its life? Did you want to avoid being called and feeling ungrateful? Was trying to be a good boy or girl causing you to compromise your thoughts and feelings? Did you love zoos but ask yourself, why am I eating this animal? And why don’t we have pet cows? Why do we think dogs are cute and cows not? So many children have thoughts that are repressed and never entertained by true critical thought, this is a crime of parenting.

Now circulating all over the internet are videos of cows playing fetch with fitness balls, just like dogs fetch a tennis ball. Imagine you could watch the video without thinking that because you eat meat, that you’ll completely disregard the emotions you’re feeling of how cute the cow is, so that it won’t be hard to eat your next beef-oriented meal?

Conversely, imagine you are healthy, strong, full of energy and vegan person who can fully enjoy videos of cute animals because you don’t see them as food, you see them as sentient beings capable of feelings, social structure, language and emotion. This is just one way people differ because of food choices.

This is how people are split when it comes to cute animal videos. No self-proclaimed animal lover wants me to bring up this comparison because for me to even suggest eating a dog is the same as eating a cow, the omnivore will become so enraged that they won’t be able to focus on the conversation and they’ll begin hating on this argument before I finish the thought - likely because they’ve repressed the thought in their own mind. I think eating all animals is completely wrong and completely necessary, but is eating a cow any different than eating a dog? Not in the slightest, but facts don’t change belief systems - they polarize the crowd

Why are some people not able to accept this logic? It’s because of a little thing called Carnism. A viral belief system where some foods and animals should be looked at as food, while other animals can be considered cute and not-to-be eaten. To one, a cow might be considered cuter than a dog, and a dog might be considered cuter than a cow to some, but to the alien coming from a different planet, they would not be able to see why which is cuter because they have not been affected by carnism itself. If a cow and a dog are both animals, then they are both food or neither are food. Why does one get preferential treatment in today’s society? Carnism is to blame for why. Carnism is with a simple google search, a basic idea that meat is there for us to eat, and if we’re not eating it, we could be because we’ve conquered the world, so it’s now there for the taking; aside other important points.

Who does carnism affect? Everyone who thinks they need meat and everyone who despises the idea of people who think they need meat to survive? Who started carnism? When science got interested in food, we made some inaccurate discoveries and statements, and we’ve sort of run with that. A 200 year-old science paper by Liebig which has been debunked plays a small role, but companies who saw the profit in exploiting animal protein are the true perpetrators of this.

How do they do it? Marketing. Marketing is a genius tool that highlights the good, and ignores the bad. Marketing is telling you what you want to hear about something that has no part in offering what you’re being told it offers. Marketing also tells you that if you wear the same sunglasses as Jason Statham, that you’ll be as desirable as Jason Statham. Clearly you’ve been affected by marketing because if you put on the same sunnies as him, you’re not going to resemble Jason Statham because you are not Jason Statham, and have a different bone structure than him. As a result, the sunglasses will have a different effect on you, and more than likely you just wasted $600. Buying what other people wear won’t make you look like them, but your feelings tell you otherwise - welcome to the level of marketing - your feels. And also, he’s 5′8, sorry if you thought he was 6′1.

Feeling a certain way about something is what determines our beliefs then our actions. When people feel that they need meat, they defend their ‘right’ to eat it, instead of listening to the ways you can get everything meat offers, and be so much more healthier. Try questioning an omnivore as to why they eat meat and then prepare yourself for heaping pile of shit excuses, and subjective garbage because none it’s true or valuable.

Humans have needs for amino acids, not meat. We need some fats and are pretty damn happy with certain types of carbohydrates. When it comes down to it, we need a fuel source, and a machine to move us that turns energy into movement, we’ll call this tool our muscles, we need muscles.

Since muscles move us, we need to fuel them. What are the ways we can do do? Plants and or animal products. If we think that we need to eat cow’s muscles for energy, we should know that this is completely false. Let’s discuss why this is not optimal.

For us to use muscles for energy, we have to eat that muscle, break it down, store it, then mobilize it for energy, and this process takes time and energy and you can refer to it as a slow process. On the other hand, if we eat carbohydrates, these sources are quickly accepted by the body and are ready to be used for energy extremely quickly by comparison.

If you’ve seen The Gamechangers movie, there is a study that uses beet juice and proves that you’re going to be able to cycle longer if working out after drinking beet juice vs not drinking it at all. This is because you’re providing a high-octane fuel source vs using meat which contains much less high-octane fuel to the point we’ll just call it low-octane fuel source. In addition using protein for energy requires you to be in starvation mode and you’re deciding to break down your body because there is no high-octane fuel around, this is not optimal - this sounds a lot like chronic fatigue. Using meat for energy is not optimal, not even close.

How does beet juice then offer us the chance to have stronger, better muscles? The juice offers energy that your muscles use quickly and readily. From my time at the University of Guelph where I completed my undergrad, I took a Cardiorespiratory Physiology Lab course, and I sure am glad that I did. I learned that whatever system you challenge, you will have gains in. So, if I provide my leg muscles with energy thereby allowing them to cycle, and I challenge my leg muscles with exercise just beyond what it comfortably, there will be growth - you will change the physical structure of individual cells. This means that the next time you challenge these muscles in the same way, the work that was 10% beyond your comfort zone, next time is 9% beyond your comfort zone, which means you have experienced 1% growth.

How did this growth happen? You fed your body what it needed for growth to occur. Did you need meat for this growth to happen? No, you needed essential amino acids. Amino acids that are made by plants. All amino acids are made by plants, and so many plant sources contain every single amino acid. As long as you’re challenging your body beyond it’s comfort zone and you’re feeding it the building blocks it requires for growth, growth will happen. Animals are not required, amino acids are, amino acids that can all be provided by plants.

The difference between vegans and omnivores is that vegans say, “No, it’s not ok for us to exploit animals for any reason”, but omnivores don’t want to discuss this matter because they feel that meat is required, so they do not fully allow themselves to empathize with what they’re eating, if they did, an omnivore would not be able to eat the cow, pig or chicken.

If it comes down to taste; what a greedy reason it is to kill a sentient being taste is? If it comes down to nutritional needs, saying you need animals to be healthy is a lot like thinking you need to only breathe oxygen from Nepal, because only Nepalese oxygen provides me with what I need. False! If we’re eating food and getting enough amino acids from a plant-based whole foods diet, is it in any way deficient compared to amino acids from animals? The answer is no, and additionally, you’re not priming yourself for cancer, heart disease, diabetes, other cardiovascular disorders.

Just a few thoughts maybe we should revisit. Were you given a choice between eating meat and not eating meat? When you were 5 years old and could conceptualize that you’re eating another life, did your parents sit you down and ask you how you felt about it or even talk to you about it? Did they even bother to tell you that you’re eating a sentient being capable of thought and having feelings? Do you think your parents had a clue about what they were feeding you beyond whatever food guide was popular at the time? Did you know that food guides are based on financial relationships and not what’s actually best for your body (until recent history in Canada)? Does this information enrage you the way it did to me? Do you know what government subsidies are? Does it make sense that you can find burgers at fast food joints for super cheap which contained the life of an animal, but can never find a ridiculously cheap head of broccoli? In fact, have you ever seen a cheap salad at McDonald’s? No, and you never will, because there are no government subsidies for lettuce or anything that goes in a salad. The government is in bed with whoever pays them the most money, and due to the fear that people have regarding becoming protein-deficient, 98% of people are afraid to turn their back on meat and dairy. I did this is 2014 and to this day, it’s been the best choice of my life.

The interesting fact is in the 1950s and 1960s, the FDA artificially increased the amount of protein ‘needed’ to sell more dairy and meat. Especially after Babe Ruth died of throat cancer due to smoking. At the time ‘Doctors’ were claiming cigarettes weren’t bad for you or cancer-causing, the relationship ‘wasn’t strong enough’. The baseball community should all be vegan for this reason alone.

If we’re human, always been and always will be human, then out there somewhere is a perfect diet for us, but what if we’re too afraid to eat the healthiest diet for us because of scare tactics used by the meat and dairy industry? Wouldn’t that be sad, maybe even criminal? I think so, but you only have yourself to blame once someone informs you or you read this.

I want to discuss the process of cooking food, but I want to get into that next time, the idea of what’s on the label, vs what’s on your plate after you cooked the carcinogens into it, and the vitamins out of it.

Ask yourself, what is the meat and dairy industry doing for you, aside from providing you with a much-less-than-healthy source of calories? They’re providing you with cancer, cardiovascular disease, double-standards, an emotional haze and basically, you work for them while they make you sick - this sounds a lot like the exploitation of you, the consumer. You think it’s time to wake up yet?

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wak-after-dark · 5 years ago

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Still not able to come up with an argument about the Epilogue treating Gamzee (the murderous corpse molester) better than Jade (sat around for 3 years with depression only to have a dog dick and then be abandoned by her friends) huh? Guess you're just an idiot and willingly sucking Hussie's dick for a job at Whatpumpkin down the line. Maybe write some incest porn like IPDG and you'll get hired.

Wow get a load of this guy.

Okay I should probably just delete your comments and not give you the time of day, but you’ve been periodically sending me this kind of ask, and I really have to ask, do you really, really believe you’re someone with some sort of Moral High Ground right now? Like I’m not even defending the Epilogues as masterpieces or trying to shove them down people’s throats. I am literally just enjoying the content the WP Team put out and talking about it, and you come to my Inbox, to spew this accusatory nonsense and flinging insults. If you can’t read the Epilogues in a positive manner, and think they’re dogshit, sure, go ahead, but you’re like, trying to act like I’m some sort of brainwashed sheep and you’re trying to make me see the light. Also “Still not able to come up with an argument“ very passive-aggressive there, I have talked about the Epilogues, my opinions and takes on them, and how I feel about the way they deal with characters at LARGE here, if you haven’t bothered to look for the info, and the several responses to some of your asks, then don’t blame me for it. But sure. Let me talk about every single point you JUST mentioned here like some sort of big Masterpost, and when you don’t agree with my point either way, stop fucking harassing me on Anon, seriously you alone have been making me consider turning anon off entirely, which all things considered may just be the healthiest option I could consider, but here I am!

Okay let’s begin with Homestuck proper. Gamzee is a Villain. He’s framed as such, people have constantly shown backlash against his character because he’s got fans that would like to see him redeemed, since a good chunk of his story happens with him brainwashed or mind-altered in some sort, but every time he’s shown to go back to doing awful things and killing people. He abuses Terezi, kills Karkat, and gets killed by Kanaya in return in one Timeline, and in another he gets locked up in a fridge, ends up in Caliborn’s planet, and trying to serve his Lord just gets beaten up, shot, left half-dead, until his final appearance in which he gets cut in half and absorbed into Lord English. Then, the Epilogues happen, and he becomes the butt of a joke about undeserved redemption arcs. His very existence in Candy is a joke that he’s not worth redeeming, actually, but tries to force himself to ‘seem’ like he has, despite ruining Dirk’s funeral, making Jake and Tavros’ lives miserable, supporting a Fascist ruler, taking advantage of a potential minor, and it all ends up with him being choked, killed, and his corpse being used as a Weekend at Bernie’s joke. Like... Is that really what you consider ‘good treatment of a character’? He gets away with a lot of bullshit, but he’s like. Constantly, and consistently, shown to be unpleasant, gross and awful. Like. He’s an awful person, and a comic relief, that does fucked up shit for most of his appearance, and I am not sure how any of this can be read in any sort of positive light. I’ve seen Gamzee fans MAD at how much he gets shat on.

Meanwhile, let’s take Jade. A huge theme of her character, sadly, is loneliness and isolation. I dislike that, like many Jade fans. She’s forced into depressingly helpless situations where she lacks agency or control over her own body, or the situation she’s in, and it’s shown affecting her greatly. I want my girl to be happy as well. So when the Epilogues came, and had her getting Callie-possessed, that was bad, it was like, AGAIN she gets the shaft. I want her to be happy and do what she wants to do and be badass with her powers! But- Oh wait, none of that is what you’re complaining about!!! You keep insisting on the Dog Dick instead of any of the genuinely heartbreaking things that happen to her. Jade has a dog dick. It is mentioned once in the entire Epilogues. It mildly affects her desire to have a child with Dave, but she doesn’t even shown herself that broken up about it, and had been looking about potential alternatives, even having Rose as a surrogate. There’s not a single joke made in the Epilogues about her HAVING a dog dick, nor any sort of isolation that happens as a product of her genitalia. Is it a weird choice to canonize that headcanon? Yeah! It kind of is! But this is also a reality where Obama and Dirk make out. And if someone is uncomfortable about Jade having a dog dick, or doesn’t like her being more openly sexual, then that’s fine!!! If they have a transphobic read on Jade, that’s fine!!! You can dislike it, and Homestuck, and the Epilogues, and the writers! But I, as a trans woman myself, and one who’s horny on main a lot of the time, liked the freedom Jade expressed to just do whatever she wanted with new partners on Earth C, and her seeming acceptance and lack of conflict at just, having junk. She does fuck up with Dave and Karkat, because she pushes them a bit too hard, specially Karkat, trying to use the Quadrant System to insert herself in a Black relationship. In Candy, this culminates with political tensions breaking Karkat away from the triad, which is bad for everyone involved. But in Meat, Jade states that they can tell her to just stop and she will, because she genuinely likes both Karkat and Dave, but their feelings are too deeply bottled and complex to just come to light. Does this put some tension in her relationship with them? Yeah! Does this ISOLATE her from her friends? No! Karkat and Dave DO still wanna hang out with her even if she’s a bit too much. John and Jade apparently chat online a bunch, and Jake seemed to have a good relationship with Jade before the whole Jane thing. She is close enough with Rose and Kanaya that Rose considered the surrogate mother thing. She has friends and ties! The major things that happen to isolate her is, Karkat leaving- Caused by Jane’s rise to power- Dave dying- Caused by Ultimate Self Timeline Shenanigans- And being possessed by Callie- All things outside of her control. I want her to get her agency back, but beyond that, her, as a person on Earth C, was not abandoned by her friends, and your obsession over her dog dick as a root of her issues and the bad stuff that happens to her says more about you than about the Epilogues in my opinion.

Guess you're just an idiot and willingly sucking Hussie's dick for a job at Whatpumpkin down the line. Maybe write some incest porn like IPDG and you'll get hired.

You know what? Yeah I would love to have a role at WhatPumpkin. Because I’ve seen the people working at it do other things, and I’ve seen their passion for Homestuck. The people currently doing Homestuck love Homestuck, and this is not up for fucking debate. As for the incest porn thing? Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, and a thousand fucking times fuck you. Once again, trying to get some stupid moral high ground mentioning incest. “Oh look at me, I am criticizing someone for something they wrote years ago”, is how you actually sound, and that’s only on the surface. V from Homestuck was never confirmed to be ipgd. V got harassed, and ‘doxxed’ by dubious sources and, I believe, Kiwifarms shit was going on at that time, so that was extremely shady and shitty. And the result of them being equated ended with ipgd being told to kill themself because of old fic they’d written, which, GUESS WHAT, was actually a critic to the way Incest was extremely popular in Fanfic back then, written by ipgd themself, a god damn survivor of that same bullshit they wrote about!!! Congratulations! THAT is the kind of bullshit people like you pull. You just cling to some idea of what’s right and wrong, and end up hurting real people that’ve gone through real shit, instead of considering nuance to your actions and thinking that, HMM, PERHAPS I SHOULD NOT HARASS SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE THEY DID SOMETHING I DON’T LIKE OR HAVE AN OPINION I DON’T AGREE WITH! But nah, let’s go send death threats to people we don’t like, riiiiiiight????

My fandom wish for homestuck 2 is the characters are treated with respect but since every single one of the new authors hate women and only want dirk and jake as well as Dave and Karkat to fuck on screen while Vriska gets comphet child raped by gamzee why bother lol.

Like, I don’t even know what to say. Have you seen like... The rest of the work the WP Team is doing with Homestuck stuff? Addressing actual issues? Doing right by the characters? Acknowledging their fucked up stuff while also showing them in positive lights? A good chunk of the Team, too, is queer? Like if they were all cis straight dudes I could see your complaint but they just. Aren’t??? At all???? Even Taz, who’s probably the biggest Dirk-Jake fan around, absolutely wants the best for other characters, yes, Jade and Rose included, you are just too jaded and blinded by your perception of the Epilogues. Vriska and Gamzee... Yeah that’s iffy. I am not going to defend that, whether it was a mistake with the ages or it was just Gamzee being more awful, that was extremely nasty. There’s also like, suicide and abuse and dictatorship in the Epilogues though. All of this shit that happens is awful, but also it’s not PROMOTING it or saying it’s a good thing? It’s... Fucked up. Comphet though, I dooooooooo want to elaborate on that, because, while I do like the reading of Vriska as being more into women, she does show a near-consistent fascination for Nic Cage and, then, ARquius as someone with a similar aesthetic? Like don’t get me wrong, Vris-Rezi is absolutely the way to go and the healthy thing for Vriska, but also I am not 100% sure if you can gloss over every single one of her relationships with guys as Comphet? (Compbi? Since it’s Trolls) Not to say it justifies anything with Gamzee, that was just nasty. But I feel there’s nuance to talk about Vriska’s sexuality.

Hussie doesn't like his fans or care about Homestuck, how you can read the Epilogue and say the opposite it honestly insane and a complete bold faced lie. Any author that cares about their work would read someone demanding a character be given a dog dick and say no. Any author who cares about their work and their fans wouldn't have released such a purposely bad and painful epilogue and then demand payment for a resolution. Just give up. That's the moral of Homestuck. Give up. It's pointless.

Nah man, you’re just jaded and hurt and projecting. Hussie and the WP Team love Homestuck. It would’ve been so fucking easy to just stop doing Homestuck and move onto something, not even release an Epilogue. It’s like when Homestuck ended. People accused Hussie of a rushed ending with Act 7 back in the day, of disliking Homestuck and the Fans, of having just wrapped it up quickly, but like... If you want to wrap Homestuck up quickly... There were a million fan theories and endings out around that would’ve been so much simpler, easier and basic than what we got. The fact we got Act 7 and all it entailed, the shit the characters go through the Epilogues, of course a lot of awful shit happens, but like... Precisely? If you’re tired of doing something, you just wrap things up. You don’t set up new plot points and mess with the characters and push a new narrative outlook on something. This is the work of an experimental team that still do love the content and characters. Again, you return to the fucking Dog Cock like it’s the biggest sin the Epilogues commit. You haven’t even mentioned Jane’s fascism a single time, but you’ve mentioned Jade’s Dog Fucking Cock like fucking twenty times. Who the fuck cares about what sort of junk Jade has, the Epilogues themselves barely even care, it’s mentioned in the passing and it hardly affects a THING at all. You ask me how I can ‘read the Epilogues and see the opposite of what they say’, and I ask you the exact same thing, because despite all the awful things that happen, Rose and Kanaya keep fighting against tyranny in Candy. Kanaya realizes she’s been brainwashed and chases after Rose because she’s NOT giving up on her wife. Roxy explores their gender identity and finds new things about themself. Karkat gets to live his rebel leader dreams in one Timeline, although with a bitter split from Dave, but ends up together in a proper relationship in Meat. John’s arc in Candy about feeling isolated from a world that seems fake, before realizing his nihilism has hurt the people he cares about and wanting to fix it. Jake’s morale of ‘better late than never’, working up the courage to take Tavros away from Jane- And in HS^2, working as a double-agent trying to sabotage Jane from within? Jane’s been shown at her worst in candy, but in Meat she’s shown to still be redeemable, and that’s exactly what the team’s aiming to do, too.

Like... I can see all the bad stuff that happens. And I find the reactions of the characters to these awful situations are interesting, and the political conflict among friends and the pushing forward in such a dark situation, resonates with me, personally, and some of my own experiences? Not to say, the Epilogues are a Game Over scenario? They are a low point. HS^2 sets up to be the high point. Like... When Game Over happened, a lot of people were like “Welp, Hussie just killed everyone, lol, guess he just got tired of Homestuck”, despite the Retcon Powers being there as the obvious solution. Epilogues, lots of shit happen, and similarly there’s still like a hundred ways to build up from there to a satisfactory resolution? Storytelling can have low points you know. It hurts when it’s characters you care about, duh, specially when it plays into the weaknesses they already acknowledged but fell into again despite themselves. I see why so many people would dislike them and take a more negative vibe from them than they actually convey. But I am still baffled as to why people like you feel entitled to shit on the WP Team and send harassment and insults to people who do enjoy them. You’re not helping anything. You’re not doing anything good. You’re just being a dick.

As for the “demand a payment for a resolution”, they didn’t demand anything? I will be the first one to say that I don’t like the Extra Bonus for 5 bucks, and think it would be better if the Bonus got released like, a month or two after it has for Patrons, an ‘early access’ scenario like I do with my Patreon. And I hope they change this. But aside from that??? The Patreon is optional to support the creators because, it’s not just Hussie, it’s a big team, and they’re also using the Patreon to help them with other projects like Pesterquest and Hiveswap, because we live in a capitalistic hell world and need money to be able to pursue passion projects. The main updates every month- And twice a month starting February- Are completely free for people to read, still, the paywalled content still circulates around the community despite being paywalled, and other paid projects like, Pesterchum, for their scope and the amount of fun they’ve given me, they’re super cheap and worth it.

You ask me how I can ‘see the opposite the Epilogues say’, you tell me that I am an ‘idiot sucking Hussie’s dick for a job at WP’, you act like I am scum and brainwashed and there’s literally no reason why I should ever like something you don’t.

You know what I am though? I am happy and excited about the things I’ve been given! I am happy with the representation I’ve seen the Team push lately. I’m happy with the way the characters have been treated in Pesterquest and have high hopes for HS^2. And I am interested in the events of the Epilogues, while acknowledging that of course a lot of fucked up shit happened in them.

Back when the Epilogues happening and I was reading them, I was reading Candy at like 4 AM and was LOVING the fucked up-ness of the Timeline and wondering what may happen in Meat. I got a PM from a friend asking me to make a channel in a server I’m in, to quarantine Epilogues Discourse, and was genuinely confused as to why there was Discourse going on. I went through the rest of Candy and Meat with some dread waiting for some ball to drop and something to turn really controversial, and I finished them still enjoying them? Obviously there was a lot of awful shit. Obviously there was a lot of things people wouldn’t like. Obviously they were tales that likely alienated a chunk of the Fandom that was looking for a happy ending. But honestly, the unbridled fury and subsequent harassment of people over them is just plain embarrassing. It was confusing then, and it’s even more confusing now, well over half a year since their release, and still sending random Tumblr Blogs this kind of bullshit.

So there you go! All of your questions and your bullshit, answered! Now let’s get this out of the way: You’re not going to like my answer, you’re not going to agree with a majority of what I just said, you’re not going to CARE about any of what I just said. Spare me the fucking asks and anon hate. Just move on and do something productive with your time.

#Homestuck #Epilogues #Discourse #HSE #After Dark #Anon Hate #Long Post #Longpost

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claire-de-macarune · 5 years ago

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Pumpkin spice, Halloween, flannel!

pumpkin spice: what’s your drink of choice?

Tea is my comfort beverage, herbal, green or white, but really it's been water, lately. Hydrate or die-drate, folks.

halloween: if you could dress up as anyone/ anything and pull it off absolutely flawlessly, who/what would it be?

Someone in power, so I could actually have the pull to manage global crises and fix the flaming pile of garbage the last generation shoved in mine's general direction.

flannel: what’s your favorite day of the year? is there a reason it’s your favorite?

Buckle up, y'all, I'm about to be real sappy.

November 24 is my absolute favorite day of the year.

The 24th is my favorite because it's my best friend's brithday. She's the best being on the planet, maybe in the universe (or the multiverse) animal, vegetable, mineral or otherwise. We've been best friends for 12 years and she's the kindest, most beautiful, sweet, smart, powerful, badass, loving, gentle, goddess of a soul I have ever known (or ever will). She has been the one constant in my life, the one person I trust more than anyone else in the world, the one person I am comfortably vulnerable with, the person I die laughing with every time we see each other. Our friendship is the healthiest one I've ever encountered, if not the healthiest relationship in general. We're always in each other's corners, we make music and art together, we support and push each other to achieve great things, and we just fit, y'know. We have since day one. She's the lightning to my thunder, the earth to my ocean, the sun to my moon. I love her so so so much (could you tell?), and I wake up on her birthday morning more excited than I ever was for Christmas, even when I was little.

#answer #@daisygrl #i could talk about her for an eternity like don't test me #thank you for the ask #it's late and probably more than you bargained for but #you know how it be

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p0tat0-g0ddess · 6 years ago

Conversation

me: lives soley on cereal, fast food, chocolate, and hot pockets

me: eats one (1) piece of celery

me:

me: i am the healthiest person on planet earth

#rambling

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thisismyghost-blog · 5 years ago

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A letter to my conservative friends/family

I have had the feeling of being separated by a thick wall from everyone around me for most of my life. There are times people reach me but it’s usually short lived. I have been the quiet one people tease with worn out phrase, “Cat got your tongue?” And who looks on confused and smiling trying simply not to do damage and being paralyzed by not having infinite perspective or all my ish together or knowing that how people perceives me can have consequences to them even if I only show love to them that they can not be able to recognize it or that my perspective may limit me from seeing how a blind spot I have affects them. I care and I see, therefore I am used and covered up. It doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to have all the answers in order to deserve respect and care. We don’t have to be likeable to everyone to not deserve judgement. No one is blameless so when fingers get pointed and groups of people get villanized there is always someone who doesn’t value people on the other end of that. Empaths have open hearts and arrows fly in. We can change the direction we face our hearts to be able to receive the love and mercy we are being offered and can’t accept. We can do that when we see we need to in order to really do that for someone else. We can turn our hearts away from people who seek to keep our thoughtful insight and the reality of our experiences secret or try to make us unlikeable. It takes a lot and it might not be fixed and always ok and someone might still hurt us but if we are to be strong for our children and those we love we have to build ourselves back up in order to speak, in order to reveal the truth, in order to rescue those who might possibly by spared. I would not have reached this place without unconditional love and willingness to sit with me in the pain.

Lucifer appears as an angel and impersonates and perverts everything good. Narcissist are the same. He roams the earth seeking whom he may devour. He took so many bites until nothing was left. I died to myself and have been reanimated by the love around me. I have been kept safe enough to do the work while not being further victimized and pushed further into a corner souley because I was lucky enough to have real love around me.I am only able to finally see those whos opinions matter and to start becoming bullet proof to being shut down by the criticism of those who have nothing to teach me. I have been loved enough times and thrown enough ropes to make it here. I am dramatic and weird and airheaded sometimes and klutzy but some of the best people are and if I am to ever reach them i have to stop letting people put me down. I have never met anyone more Jesus-like than my childhood best friend. She was treated at times like she was simple for never criticizing anyone and having an endless sunshine well of positive energy and love for others and no need to self promote. The fact that the world lost a light like hers and her equally brilliant amazing beautiful mother is one of those stark realties that make me understand how people can die from a broken heart. It’s one of those realties that threatens to fill me with hatred at people who parade around with the wrong values and wouldn’t see their infinite value and beauty.The fact she has a son in this world without her breaks me in a way that sometimes it feels not worth continuing to fight for a life in a universe like this where the rocks don’t cry out and stop these things from happening. But my son needs me and I have to be brave enough to endure what I need to endure in order to carry her torch and I have to be curious and critically thinking enough to keep myself out of the way and really seek wisdom the way the smartest person I will probably ever personally have a relationship with, my father, always did. I have been in denial and bargaining stages of greif until pretty much rn since 2001 when he left this planet. He won’t be in history books or built a monument to like I think he deserves and he has not been able to live the last two decades with his daughters and wife whom he adored and or the grandchildren he would probably adore further still. I have never been able to feel close to him or be anything but hurt and enraged by accessing memories of him and seeing what I had lost. Until my son, with his perfect innocence, beauty and valiance has managed to bring me to the present moment from the island of the supreme type of disociaton from your body and ego that happens after certain social isolating traumas. Until I was able to look in his handsome face and realize the love between us is the same and how the things that really matter, which include him never losing sight of his value are all I’m concerned about living on from me. He was able to do that only with our angels (my bf, his stepdad) shield up, willingly absorbing stressors. What he endures, I may never fully see or appreciate. The ways my family have ever gone to battle for me in the face of uncertainty and pain because they love me I may never fully see. But how I begin to connect with them in a more meaningful way and start to be the type of woman he deserves is by looking at those facts without shame but with their love. My son adores me how I adored my mom even when she felt bad about herself and I have finally begun to be able to step up and be there for him the way I want. It was never that I wouldn’t have happily been burned alive to do for him but that I was paralyzed to do because I felt unworthy, not wise enough, not strong enough, not cool enough, not good enough to express myself or assert myself at times when I wanted to. I can stop being angry at myself for not being able to protect him from ever being hurt because of the love I received from my mother which I see clearly now, moved mountains for me even if it couldn’t and never was responsible for magical, super human provisions of everything I needed. Those mother’s don’t exist because it’s not human. How can a single human being be what they want for the ones they love? By realizing they are the potential expression of God’s love and the highest level of being when they show their love for their children. By realizing that is good enough and allowing their children to have access to their healthiest possible most creative self. The loudest people in the room are most often the most selfish. The introverts and empaths and those who have suffered in ways that give them the awareness aesthetic people (think monks in wool robes in monastery rejecting worldly pleasures) are seeking. The ones with the most needed voices to be amplified are busy listening and gleaning actual useful nuanced insight that is crucial for building a society that more efficiently can seek to fulfill liberty and Justice for all. True American values and Christian values imo are to look to those at the bottom in order to gauge the efficiency of those at the top. We are all guilty of looking to the day we can be worthy enough but we are telling our kids that how attractive and liked like are by a crowd or considered impressive and holy enough by a congregation of people matters more than it already does. We are engaging in a quest for a life that doesn’t exist. We will never be blameless. Beautiful and rich will never be able to equal peace or meaningful human connection so we need to stop chasing mirages. Ostracism has huge health impacts physically as well as emotionally, and happens no matter how strong or pure someone is. Children, case and point. We have to take responsibility for our impulse to turn away from people when we can’t help them the way we want. We have to fight our urge to stifle ourselves and see that no one is qualified and it won’t accomplish what we wish it could but that our voice needs to be heard precisely because we think that way. I’m trying to tell you that you don’t need to feel ashamed for being human.If anything about me was worth saving and it’s a good thing for people not to self destruct while they fumble around in the dark dungeon of uncertainty and shame is a priority. Cliches and Grand displays of emotion that have the most powerful meanings are generally rendered totally lifeless by being repeated too much by false prophets and manipulating people. Our culture doesn’t have enough genuine displays of how a human life works and what real love looks like. From everything and everyone that I’ve lost and years of personal torment and suicidal ideation cycles and silence I have been lifted up by love. I have to let go of what I refuse to accept is gone in order to interact with what is or ever get to what could be (like living in and helping create a home where children can be even happier than I remember being and longing for. That I can stop feeling homesick for and experience the next level of with my kids and embody all that I possibly can from those who I love and have lost or who are still out there but undervalued and replace the survivors guilt with honoring them. I am ok with you seeing me struggle and thinking I’m weird and long winded if you choose to read this in the hopes I can share some outline of love and grace that I’ve been shown and the hope and can only be born from the flames. I hope to fortify you even if you can’t stick by me right now, if you are ever brought to your knees. I want you to remember what that cat lady told you.

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