#I am so very satisfied with the ending though
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dragonfly0808 · 6 hours ago
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Hiatus
So… this is a post I’ve been debating with myself these past 2/3 weeks on whether to make or not.
Some of yall may have noticed that I’ve been taking quite a few breaks from s4 and I have unfortunately just finally allowed myself to acknowledge that I’ve hit a bit of a writing block when it comes to my Winx Club rewrite.
I’ve had a few frustrations during s4 (even though I’ve managed to keep my writing up to my own personal standards, it’s been very difficult) and- despite being halfway through the season, unlike past seasons I still have no idea what I’m going to do with s5 and it’s just been getting to me.
And now I am forced to accept that if I keep forcing myself to churn out chapters and stressing out over keeping you all waiting until I’m satisfied with every chapter, the only thing I’ll do is kill my creativity and my love for this rewrite.
I’ve been working on this rewrite for nearly 3 years and it kinda low-key shames me to say that I am officially placing it on hiatus.
To me ‘taking a break’ and ‘hiatus’ are 2 completely different things, I know I’ve taken breaks before but I always had some vague idea of when I’d return but this time… I just don’t know.
I have been working on my Original Novel and works for other fandoms that have just been filling me with inspiration in a way I haven't been able to feel with Winx Club for a bit now.
I hope I have built up enough trust over these past 3 years for you all to believe me when I say that I will be back. I am not the type to leave things unfinished, especially a story that means so much to me and that I am so very proud of and that has helped me grow so much as a writer and has helped me get through some difficult times and express certain emotions and grief in a way I never could’ve if I hadn’t dived into this 3 long years ago.
I was really hoping to post chapters for Xmas and New Years as I have past years but I just can’t- HOWEVER, on January 28th, the third anniversary of Veiled Wings and Shattered Panoramas, I will post… something. I don’t know if it will be a chapter or not but I will do something for the anniversary.
If you wanna know what I’ll be up to; I will be working on my Original Novel since I have finally landed on exactly what idea I want to work on. I will also be working on 2 projects, one for ATLA (Zutara post-canon self-indulgent thingy) and another one that I honestly don’t know if I’ll go through with since it’d be a pretty big project and I’m still thinking about how I’d go about it, but that I am very inspired and excited about.
So yeah, thank you all for your never ending support and- again, I WILL BE BACK, this is not an abandonment of the rewrite, it’s just me having to prioritize my mental health and protect both my love for writing and my love for the rewrite. I’ll be going through my inbox this next week and answer a bunch of stuff that I just haven’t really looked through in a while.
Thank you so much for understanding and for your support. I hope you will wait for the return of the rewrite and that maybe you will give my other projects a chance when I post them. I will be posting a lot of my inner thoughts on the rewrite and my other projects chapters + thoughts on my Ko-fi if you wanna check that out.
I wish you all Happy Holidays!
With eternal love and gratitude,
Yours Truly, Dragonfly
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permanentreverie · 2 years ago
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how did your quick prediction before the last few pages turn out? 😃😭
I HAD A SLIGHT HUNCH AND I WAS RIGHT BUT I STILL ENDED UP SCREAMING AND CRYING
#spoilers for tpw:#I mean the only way for it to end is for Rin to die.#as I was nearing the end I knew she couldn't be placed in any place of legal power#because that's not RIN. she's not a ruler; she's a soldier. a weapon.#and in the last quarter or so I was thinking that I wouldn't put it past Kuang to kill Rin.#I am so very satisfied with the ending though#like don't get me wrong it's not a HAPPY ending not for anyone#it hurt. it really fucking hurt.#but it was the only way to end a trilogy like that and a character like that#don't get me wrong I would have loved for a character like rin to get absolution and peace at the end of everything.#but this isn't that kind of story.#and I think with all of her destruction - like this girl is 21 and has committed genocide.#the blood of hundreds of thousands on her hand(s)#and she showed no remorse. like the book said she would have razed the world to keep her semblance of peace#she's doomed by the narrative#she's been dead since the beginning#there is no other way this story ends#a war orphan beaten and ridiculed who clawed her way to power who stank of addiction to keep herself sane with a god that threatened#to break her psyche screeching in her mind as she burned people and cities and COUNTRIES to ash and brittle like they were paper.#gosh I can write a paper on her character. it has been so long since a book has made me want to write an essay.#ANYWAYS I'm getting off track lollz what was your question?#oh yes the ending was excruciating but also so liberating I want to drink warm cider and stare deeply into the abyss#and let the finale swallow me whole#tldr I kinda suspected it but the way it was executed was everything. so good. what a fitting ending.#answered asks
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hinamie · 4 months ago
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I'll give them shelter like you've done for me
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gingermintpepper · 4 months ago
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One of my biggest pet peeves is the assumption that something has to be sad for it to be tragic.
I've always been a big believer of the 'Apollo has an awful love life'/'Apollo is plain unlucky with love' line of thinking but it does bother me that the general reasoning for that statement is given to the concept of 'Apollo is somehow undesireable and thus rejected' (Cassandra/Daphne/Marpessa) or 'his lovers die young and thus their love is unfulfilled' (Cyparissus/Hyacinthus/Coronis). I personally think that's a very unfortunate way of looking at things - not only because it neglects the many perfectly cordial entanglements and affairs Apollo has had, both mortal and divine - but because it presents a very shallow interpretation of the concepts of love and loss and how loss affects people.
Apollo can still grieve lovers that have a long, healthy life. The inherent tragedy of an immortal who knows his lovers and children will die and cannot stop it does not stop being tragic simply because those lovers and children live long, fulfilled lives. The inherent tragedy of loss does not stop being tragic simply because someone knows better than to mourn something that was always going to end.
What is tragic is not that Apollo loves and loses but that loss itself follows him. Apollo does not love with the distance of an immortal, he does not have affairs and then leaves never to listen to their prayers again. He does not have offspring and then abandon them to their trials only to appear when it is time to lead them to their destinies. He raises his young, he protects the mothers of his children, he blesses the households that have his favour and multiplies their flocks that they may never go hungry. He educates his sons, he adorns his daughters and even in wrath he is quick to come to his senses and regret the punishments he doles out.
Apollo loves. And like mortals, there will always be some part of him that wishes to protect the objects of his affections. Apollo, however, is also an emissary of Fate. He knows that the fate of all mortal things is death. He knows that to love a mortal is to accept that eventually he will have to bury them. There is no illusion of forever, there is no fantasy where he fights against the nature of living things and shields his beloveds from death. Apollo loves and because of that love, he also accepts.
And that, while beautiful, is also tragic.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#greek mythology#apollo#Listen man#I think there's something extremely beautiful about Apollo's affairs#Yes I know that Ares also loves and cares for his daughters but this isn't about him#There's just something about the way that Apollo put his all into it every single time#To the point that even when he does know better he still fights because of the strength of his love#The Iliad to me will always be a love story#Yes Achilles' wrath is said to come from his overwhelming feelings towards Patroclus#but what Achilles does has nothing to do with grief or love#By the end of everything Achilles forsook that love which ought to have defined his actions based on what he was saying#and warped it into a weapon meant to satisfy the void left by his loss#Apollo though - I am always taken aback by the sheer weight of his love#towards not only Hektor but towards all of Troy in the Iliad#And how he is very careful to balance that love and all the ways he wishes he could fight against their inevitably end#with his duties as one who is both aware of the impending end and whose position in the war#has put him in opposition with his elders#That delicate balance between a love so powerful that he is willing to take on the full weight of Athena and Hera's wrath#and an understanding that the battle he fights is not for victory but simply because for love's sake#How could you not think of that as beautiful and awesome and so achingly tragic#I feel the same about both Asclepius' and Actaeon's deaths#Apollo loved BOTH of his sons - Asclepius and Aristaeus - so so SO much#He was so incredibly proud of them both and delighted immensely in the both of their victories and talents#And so when Asclepius dies and it is by his own father's hand - I have always found his act of wrath so fascinating#Honestly this could be its own separate post - but the fact that Apollo does not beg Zeus to reconsider or to bring Asclepius back#when Apollo has made cases for lenience on things like that before speaks of a level of understanding from Apollo that Asclepius was always#going to die because of his pushing of the boundary between life and death#so he doesn't bother trying to reason with Zeus or plea his grief - instead going directly to destroying something important to Zeus
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I’M IN THE EPILOGUE, WHY ARE YOU STILL GETTING KIDNAPPED, YOOJIN!!
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giggly-squiggily · 5 months ago
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When you’re switching from the anime to the manga of a series and the pick up chapter is the start of a fresh volume:
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jitteryfool · 9 months ago
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Read Lonely Castle in the Mirror and I am an absolute emotional wreck. God, it's been a while since a story managed to cause me cry this much and just lie down and stare at the ceiling thinking about it.
10/10 for the psychological damage inflicted upon me.
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aroaessidhe · 8 months ago
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2024 reads / storygraph
Calling of Light
final book in the Shamanborn trilogy
about a young woman training to be a royal spy who discovered she had powers after bringing her best friend back to life
now, as the new king’s new shadow, must finally find a way to stop the Soulless, save her best friend from a magical rot, and stop the ever-encroaching dead forest
elemental & spirit magic
bi MC, no romance
read an arc from netgalley (but it’s since released)
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flythesail · 1 year ago
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Nancy Drew being over still feels so weird idk if it still hasn't fully sunk in or if I'm just doing better than I thought I would or maybe-
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jovalencia · 2 years ago
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not to be dramatic but I literally feel like I’m going insane lol
#first of all I must acknowledge the percy of it all. I don’t know how many of you are reading those posts and honestly I’m not conveying#how I feel very well but I’m so deadly serious when I say I feel sick when I think about those books and not even in a bad way necessarily#just nauseous whatever. second most pressing issue is the whole “am I going to drop out transfer suck it up or kill myself”#okay I’m really not considering that last one I have to live to see dani in july but I haven’t the slightest clue what I’m gonna do next#year. on one hand I hope this school explodes on the other transferring sounds so unfun but back to the first hand I hate this city#and I hope it explodes to and I have nobody I know to live with off campus next year and tbh I would rather die than live w sarah suitemate#which brings us to sarah suitemate. how in the hell is my only friend in this god forsaken city like kind of subtly homophobic#In addition to kind of being a bad fucking person. like lol! yes ladies six months deep with no other friends and I Am that desperate#also it’s the very beginning of the quarter and I kind of hate all my classes. okay I know they just started and it’s very early to judge#but I already feel like I’m going crazy I preferred my other two quarters where I was eating literally 12 credits I was satisfied with that#I’m just scared and lonely can I say that outright is it embarrassing to admit that outright at 11am on tumblr#the only thing that gives me comfort genuinely is just repeating that “everything works out in the end” saying bc I really do believe that#even though I hope my closest friend within a reasonable radius of me drops dead and I’m directionless and I want to kill myself#whenever I think about the book I’m reading it will all be okay#anyways time to eat the pastry I got from the campus market is not a good time to tell you guys I didn’t eat breakfast or could you tell#carmen.txt
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jeanmoreaux · 2 years ago
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*✧ — FEBRUARY 2023 WRAP UP
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not much to add other than that the number of rereads is more than a third of my reading this month, which really surprised me bc it didn’t feel like it. the new stuff i read was quite good—nothing under a three star, which is great! oh, yeah, and ofc fuck jkr (read the books in preparation for a children’s & ya lit course. has not paid off yet, even though the books were on the general syllabus. not much else to say on the topic; i think we all know the good and the bad this series has to offer lol.)
2023 goal: 40/100 books
as alway, feel free to drop book recs, questions, or opinions in my inbox; i am always happy to talk to you about books!
* –> newly added to my favorites shelf
follow my goodreads | follow my storygraph | previous wrap ups
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The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White | 4.5★ | review
Elektra by Jennifer Saint | 3.25★
Dig. by A.S. King | 4.75★
* The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham | 5★ | review
Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys | 3.75★ | review
The Hidden Face of Eve by Nawal El Saadawi | no rating
The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak | 3.75★ | review
Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë | 4.25★ | review
The Book of the Most Precious Substance by Sara Gran | 4★
The Last Tale of the Flower Bride by Roshani Chokshi | 4.75★ | review
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
rereads
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling | no rating
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling | no rating
Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler | 4.5★ | review
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling | no rating
Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia | 4.5★
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern | 5★ | review
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hoziersong · 6 months ago
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do you mind if i ramble in the tags about my weird relationship with making art in fandom for a second
#as someone who is studying art as a career one thing i have realized and also been explicitly told by various teachers#is the fact that having a 'consistent' art style is so overvalued sometimes that it ends up limiting you as an artist#literally i'd say 99 percent of the stuff we do in uni doesn't require consistency. it's actually valued when there isn't one#after all it is about learning and honing skills isn't it#so it has kind of put my personal conflicts in a different perspective#because before i started this degree i used to struggle so much with creation in non-academic spaces (which is pretty ironic. i know)#because the ppl and art i admired was mostly composed of art in fandom spaces#and the most appreciated artists in these spaces tend to be the ones who have a nice defined unique style#which isn't bad. i actually do still wish i could reach something like that#but it made me not want to create as much as i desired because i felt 'inconsistent' and i took that as a negative quality in my art#and it was so frustrating because nothing i tried seemed to 'stick'#which was also due to the fact that none of the varyingly different styles of drawings i posted seemed to reach many people#and yes i have heard time and again the whole schpiel of 'creating for yourself is better and quantity of likes/notes shouldn't mean as muc#to you as long as you're satisfied with your art blah blah blah'– c'mon. we all want our creations to be admired i'm tired of pretending#like i don't. i put it out there for a reason and it is for people to at least acknowledge it. it's the point of fandom. it's community#it's interaction. or at least it should be. that's another conversation though#so anyways since i started uni some time ago this frustration has been receding but it's very much still present#even more so when i get excited about doing/drawing something and then halfway through i get that pull in my chest of like. i'm actually#starting to hate it bc i can't reach what i want to#and so there's this disconnect that happens because i have many ideas and desires to create but i feel (even if it might not be true)#that i don't have the skillset to meet those ideas#which literally happens to almost if not everyone i know i'm not alone in this. it still sucks though#so i end up with about a dozen unfinished works monthly bc i start it/i reach halfway and hate it/i look at art and get inspired bc artists#in fandom are SO talented/i go back to it/i still can't reach the skill level i desperately want/i abandon it indefinitely#it's a horrible cycle that i really haven't been able to escape lately#it's also worse when you're at a time in your life when you don't actually have the opportunity or the time to try to achieve consistency#because you really just physically don't have the time to practice. which is the number one advice every good artist will give you#i am running out of tags but the point is. i hope we stop subconsciously putting consistent art styles in a higher pedestal bc it can be#very stressful for artists who struggle to find that in their creation#art related
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caffeinewitchcraft · 1 month ago
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AITA for going no contact with my brother after he pulled a scare on my husband?
EDIT: For those of you coming here from my brother’s post (X) to shit on me, you look like idiots. Try to have an original thought and really contemplate who’s telling the truth after hearing both sides.
I (32f) am one of three siblings. We come from a very well off family. My dad is a former Cryptid and he pioneered the Hook Man in the 70s, so he still gets residuals off of that. We grew up very comfortable and with the ability to do anything we wanted in life. My older brother went to a very prestigious school and my dad gave him the money for tuition. Because my older brother got scholarships, he was able to save some of that money. Right now he works in human tech (very lucrative), but his long-term plan is to use the money to start a Cyber Spook business once he is satisfied with his knowledge foundation.
I ended up taking a gap year before going to community college, but I never felt anything click. I worked part-time jobs spinning out scarer costumes and even did some part-time work as a slasher before deciding it wasn’t for me. I finally found my calling when I offered to help cater for my high school reunion, and now I run a fairly successful catering business.
When it came time for my younger brother, “Steve,” to get his money, he didn’t tell anyone what he was going to use it for. He was working as a Slasher at a small firm in town. We all assumed he’d either go to Scare School or invest the money to start a business like our older brother did.
So when Steve showed up to Halloween dinner one day, six feet taller with extra joints in his arms and legs, we were all shocked.
Dad was furious. He gave us all the same talk about the scare industry when we got our first part-time jobs documenting missions at his company. He told us that scare work was hard and backbreaking. We couldn’t buy our way into it or use his connections to become successful. If we were interested in it, we had to work our way up from the ground like he did. If we didn’t, we’d more than likely end up dead at the hands of a final girl.
He especially emphasized that mods had to be considered carefully and were NOT a substitute for skill.
Steve thought they were. When his company didn’t pay him back for his body modification AND didn’t promote him from Slasher to Regional Nightmare, he quit. But the surgeries drained his cash and he couldn’t afford his apartment anymore. He had to move back in with Mom and Dad. As always, Mom totally coddled him. She said that he didn’t have to pay rent and agreed with whatever he said when he’d go on these long tirades about his former company.
I could tell Dad wasn’t happy with the arrangement, but he’s never been able to go against Mom. So he mostly kept his mouth shut though he did try to get Steve a job at his old company. However, last I heard, Steve was set against anything corporate and was spending a dozen hours a day driving around using the app SlashDash to find jobs.
About a year and a half ago, I was over for dinner with Steve, Mom and Dad. Steve was talking about work. He said SlashDash wasn’t working out for him and was taking too many fees out. I offered advice since I’d done Slashing in high school. I recommended sites like Scarework and Midnighterr to get more gigs.
Mom told me I interrupted Steve. She gestured for him to continue and tell me about his exciting new setup.
Steve told me he was beyond the sites I recommended. He said he’d bought a scanner so he could listen to broadcasts of active corporate missions. When those fail, he arrives on scene to kill any straggling humans before the scare company in question can send a cleanup crew. And since he’s a Slasher on their scene, they have to give him emergency pay for doing it. It’s a total ambulance-chaser, bottom-feeder move.
Dad was just staring at his plate, not saying anything, but I could tell he was ashamed of Steve. Steve was bragging about being a vulture in the profession Dad helped build.
I asked Steve if he was proud of himself for living off of leftovers. Steve blew up at me, but so did Mom. She chided me for not respecting my brother’s hard work and that his idea to get a scanner was genius, not predatory.
After that dinner, Steve and I rarely talked. Most of the news I got about him came from our older brother bitching about Steve badgering him for scare connections or Mom bragging about Steve killing and “meeting quota.” She would get very cold with me when I told her he was finishing a quota someone else started and not doing his own work. She told me if I couldn’t respect Steve, then I was welcome to not come over while he lived with her.
(Yes, Steve’s always been the golden child.)
I stopped interfering with Steve and focused on my own life. Shortly after, I met my wonderful fiancé “Reginald” while catering an event at Dad’s old company. Reginald is the head of sanitation and he’s the one who gets sent out to clean up any unexpected events during a Scare (like any magical residue or body parts that can’t be explained away through human means). He used to want to be a Cryptid, but he’s got a heart condition that prevents him from working in the field. He says that he’s happy being the “janitor” and happier being with me 😊
Reginald and I got engaged after only eight months of dating. Dad always says that when you know, you know. I invited everyone in my family to an engagement party. Steve didn’t bother answering the invitation. Even though Steve and I weren’t on good terms, I was still hurt when he didn’t show.
When I confronted him about it afterwards, he said that he’d been promoted to Regional Nightmare and he was patrolling his territory, and that’s why he couldn’t come. I asked him what company he was working for, and he said he was still using the scanner.
I pointed out that he couldn’t be a Regional Nightmare without a state license since only the state can assign territories. He started going on and on about being his own “Monster” (and let me tell you, extra joints DOESN’T make you a Monster, those guys are way more committed) and that he had passed the state exam.
When I told Reginald about my brother calling himself a Regional Nightmare, he was concerned. He works closely with the legal department, and he said that Steve is opening himself up to lawsuits by declaring public slashing grounds as his “territory.” He offered to talk to Steve.
We went over to Mom and Dad’s house together to confront him. Dad didn’t know he was calling himself a Regional Nightmare and he went pale when I told them why we were there. Reginald explained to Steve and Mom that being certified was different than being licensed. Legally, Steve is a Slasher even if he can control shadows now (which is a VERY expensive talent to acquire if you aren’t born with it. I think Mom may have paid for it).
The conversation didn’t go well. Steve said a lot of nasty things about Reginald not hacking it as Slasher and claimed he was just jealous. He picked on Reginald’s health which I had me seeing red. I asked Steve what there was to be jealous of since he still mooches off of our parents? Mom got involved and it went downhill from there.
All this to say that I didn’t expect Steve to show up at my gender reveal party less than 5 months later.
Reginald and I weren’t planning on kids this early, but we knew it was meant to be as soon as I got that pregnancy test back. We decided to put off our wedding so that our baby can be part of the ceremony that makes us a family. That being said, I did still have a lot of things ordered for the wedding so I turned the day into a baby shower/gender reveal instead.
That brings us to the party my lovely brother wrote about. First of all, he wasn’t invited by me. Mom invited him, and when I found out, I wasn’t happy with her, considering he never apologized to Reginald after our last fight.
Reginald was stuck at work (some idiot brought together a whole summer camp of final girls and the aftermath was brutal) so I had to force myself to be a good hostess. It was mostly fine. We have good friends and my older brother was very kind in helping me with some of the baby games we were planning to play when Reginald finally got there.
Steve, however, was NOT helpful.
He was annoying the whole time. He messed with the kitchen and he hounded the guests. I’m PREGNANT and the smell of raw meat triggers my gag reflex. He took the meat off the heat without me noticing and basically prevented me from eating lunch with everyone else.
Additionally, Steve claimed in his post that the party was dying??? Reginald and Dad have a lot of friends in common so the party did NOT die. They were all interested in talking to Dad. Dad’s voice is very quiet and raspy from strain over the years, so everyone was being quiet to hear him better. Steve was the one practically screaming over him to talk about his scummy job. The new Hook Man who succeeded Dad was there and Steve basically treated the poor man like a novice even though he’s a Cryptid.
Reginald finally got home and I could tell he was exhausted when I met him at the door. He still put on a smile for me though and said he didn’t need to miss out even when I told him it would be okay. He wanted to be there in our big moment to celebrate our family. He went upstairs to change.
I went back to the guests to tell them that we would start the games soon. That’s when I heard Reginald scream and fall down the stairs.
I’ll never forget the look on Reginald’s face. He was lying at the base of the stairs and looked like he was dying. He was gasping for breath and clutching at his chest. I was terrified his heart was giving up. I asked Hook Man to call an ambulance.
That’s when Steve started laughing.
I lost it. I screamed at Steve to get out. He told me to calm down, he’d just scared Reginald a little bit as a joke. I told him he knew about Reginald’s heart condition and that it was incredibly disrespectful to scare my fiancé in our own house.
He said he didn’t mean to scare him that bad, but that he was just better at it than he thought. His scares were too powerful. He seemed smug and was still laughing.
I accused him of intentionally hurting Reginald because of the licensing versus certification argument we had. I said he was a bully and an idiot.
Mom jumped in and said it was an accident.
Dad FINALLY said something. He shadow-walked (the first time in YEARS) up the stairs and hooked Steve by the neck. He dragged all twelve feet of him down the stairs and told him to get out.
Steve said, “For what? It’s not my fault that weak-hearted son of a bitch can’t take a joke.”
Dad lost it. He told Steve a REAL scarer wouldn’t use their abilities like that on their own families. He told Mom and Steve it didn’t matter if he meant it as a joke. The fact is he used his scare tactics on a layperson, and he could get blacklisted from the profession for it.
Dad kicked Steve out and told him he wasn’t welcome back into the basement until he got a REAL job. Steve kept arguing, but the paramedics arrived then and I lost track of the rest of it.
I went with Reginald to the hospital where Reginald insisted we both get checked out. The stress wasn’t good for the baby and doctor told me it might be best to go on maternity leave sooner rather than later. Reginald is also going to be taking a leave from work. He had a heart attack because of my brother.
Things could have ended worse, but they didn’t end well. I told my parents that I refuse to have Steve at my wedding or even to see my child after they’re born (and now I STILL don’t know the gender! Only our older brother knows since he got the gender reveal cake).
Mom started to protest, but Dad said he understood. He said that both he and Mom just wanted me to be happy and healthy and that they would take care of Steve.
So now I leave it up to you. Having read both of our posts, who do you think is the real asshole? My brother for being “proud” of scaring my fiancé into a heart attack at our baby’s gender reveal party? Or me for never talking to said brother again for the health of my future family?
AITA?
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See you next week!
This week's story is based on this (x) prompt from Writing-prompt-s:
You are a person who covers your counter space in clutter and inadvertently makes a shrine to a long forgotten god who shows up to thank you.
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malachitezmeyka · 1 year ago
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*through gritted teeth, rocking back and forth* Being bad at art isn’t a moral failing. You’re not bad you’re learning. It’s okay if you’ve been drawing almost daily for four years and aren’t at the level you want to be. Look back and see how much you’ve improved. Do studies. Practise areas you’re bad at. Stop drawing only the same characters chest up in 3/4 profile view. Step out of your comfort zone. Look at tutorials. Use references. Study anatomy and colour theory and how light and shadow work. Stop making yourself upset over it. Stop hating yourself for not being good enough. Stop comparing yourself to others and getting angry over how they’re better than you. Learn to have fun while drawing. Art is supposed to be fun. Why would you do it if it’s wasn’t fun? Stop crying.
#*deep sigh* I don’t know how many more 2 a.m hysterical fits over hating my art I’ve got in me chief#I don’t know why I’m like this#usually I explain my behaviour by blaming it on childhood trauma#but my art wasn’t a trauma point#as in. I just never really showed it to my parents so they couldn’t say bad things about it even if they wanted to#well… there were those art classes with that one girl whoshe mom wouldn’t shut up about how great she was#and my mom spent tons of time with her so if I complained I’d just be compared to the girl#actually… I was so much more confident in my art before those classes#like I look back at what I posted pre April 2022 and I had absolutely no shame#wonky anatomy? post it anyway. extremely amateur colour and shading and backgrounds? who cares#and no one in those classes was mean to me#everyone was so nice and supporting#but the very first time I was brought there was when I realised that I am objectively bad at art#and don’t understand the fundamentals and am only good at drawing the same thing over and over again#I was so close to crying that day#and I kept going back and it kept getting worse#holy fuck…#I enjoyed those classes a lot#even though I was having breakdowns left and right I was mostly satisfied with the end results#(yeah because the teachers usually ended up finishing everything for you ты рукожопая бездарная тварь)#but I guess that is where my problems started#god.. I wish I never went to those now#maybe I wouldn’t be like this#maybe I’d act even half well adjusted rather than sobbing into my pilllow every time my#(no reference no practice no knowledge of anatomy colour or shading)#drawing turns out less than perfect#good fucking god how pathetic can I get#and this is like the 10th time I’m making long ass tag rant posts about the same issue#and since writing them did I attempt to fix it? practise and study and improve? no. I just keep crying#like a little whiny bitch
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three-plums · 2 years ago
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i have rewritten this fic four times. i am about to go insane.
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lemonlover1110 · 4 months ago
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𝐀 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭
Zayne
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Pairing: Zayne x f!Reader
Summary: The rain ruining his plans might have been the best possible luck.
Warnings: MDNI, Fluff, Smut, Oral Sex (f. receiving), Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Creampie
Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi
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“It’s raining.” You point out, face nearly pressing on the window as you stare outside. It was going to happen sooner or later, the dark clouds had been adorning the sky the entire day, yet the day went dry.
“Raining?” Zayne sounds surprised, as if he hadn’t been staring at the same dark sky a couple of hours earlier. He stands up, walking over to look out the window as if he didn’t trust your word. You swear you hear him sigh when he confirms that it’s indeed raining.
“Is everything okay? Is our date still on?” You look at him, worried about his reaction. He wants to say that the rain will be over in ten minutes and the plans are still on… But it doesn’t look like it’ll stop any time soon. 
“The rain is going to make things more… Difficult.” Zayne answers, not wanting to give up on the date idea just yet. There is no hope though, you can’t go stargazing when it’s storming out. You stare at him, trying to study the look on his face– A task that’s difficult since the man does a great job at suppressing any trace of emotion. “Maybe we have to change a couple of things.”
From now on he will leave the dates to you and only you, because the one time he plans something it’s ruined before it even begins. It’s what he gets for trying to be romantic, there’s a reason you’re the one that usually takes on the role. 
“Like?” You ask, and he isn’t sure how to answer. He already had everything planned out, and he put his all to the specific date so now his brain is empty. The lack of answer makes you chuckle. “So we’re staying in?”
“Unless I get a reservation in time.” Zayne reaches for his phone to look up restaurants nearby, trying to salvage the night but you snatch the device from his hands. He raises his brows, wondering what you have in mind.
“Let’s stay in. We can cook something, play a couple of games… Other stuff.” You respond, and Zayne fights back a smile. It’s great to have someone pick up his slack. “I found this new recipe that I’ve been dying to try.”
“Tell me what you need, and I’m on it.” He says, and you can’t help but smile. He’s willing to do anything when you have his attention. 
“I think we have everything, I just need you to chop up some stuff.” You tell him, and he nods in response. He’s not a great cook since he barely has the time or energy to make his own meals, but at the very least he’s great at chopping up stuff. “You can be my sous chef.”
“Yes, ma’am.” There’s a subtle smile on his lips, and it overflows your heart with joy when you notice it. You wonder why he smiles but it’s never unwelcome. Especially from him.
You kiss his cheek before telling him, “Let’s get to work.”
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After nearly burning the house down trying the new recipe, you surprisingly end up with a delicious meal on your table. You’re enjoying your meal, too busy stuffing your face to keep up a proper conversation. You don’t need to talk either way, each other’s presence is enough to satisfy any need for interaction. Though Zayne can’t help but comment,
“Surprisingly it doesn’t taste burnt.” Which makes you roll your eyes. He can’t help but bring it up when you told him a million times that you had it under wraps. 
“I told you I had it handled.” You respond. “Or do you not have faith in me, Dr. Zayne?”
“Dr. Zayne?” He raises a brow, and you hum in response. He lets out a low laugh before answering, “I do have faith in you… But I am allowed to draw some conclusions when I see a flame coming from the pan.”
“That wasn’t a flame.” You argue, and he slightly shakes his head.
“Then why did the fire alarm go off?” He points out, and you puff out a breath. You cross your arms, your appetite gone because your boyfriend won’t allow you to have the last word. He never does, and it might be his only defect. He couldn’t be perfect. 
“Next time I’m leaving the cooking to you then.” You pout. He doesn’t want you to feel bad for the light fire, it could happen to anyone plus you were cooking a new recipe.
“You’re a far better cook than I am.” He responds, hoping that it’ll make you feel better. He’s staring at you, trying to decipher what you feel based on the expression on your face. You only stick out your bottom lip, clearly not happy with what he’s said.
What did he say wrong? He said all the right words, you should be gleaming not… Looking disappointed.
“Only because you don’t have time to pick up the skill, if you did then you would be saying something far much different.” You end up telling him, and he takes a moment to look at your face. He’s not sure how to answer. He ends up by telling the truth,
“Probably.” And the moment the word leaves his lips, he realizes he couldn’t have picked a worse answer. You look absolutely mortified, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
“Probably? You’re not supposed to say that.” You say, and he gives you a subtle nod. He’s not supposed to tell you the truth then.
“What am I supposed to say then?” He sounds ever so serious, and one swift look at his face makes you think that he is, indeed, serious. 
“No, I doubt it. You’re the best cook ever, dear.” You end up answering, almost laughing at your own response. You see a twinge of a smirk on his face, and you feel like you’ve accomplished something. He lets himself loose around you, and often laughs at any stupid joke that you make, but it still feels rare when you actually see him smile.
“Alright then, so not the truth. Simple.” He answers, and the smirk that comes to his lips doesn’t fill you with pride like it usually does. You puff out a breath and he says, “Repeat the statement.”
“No.” Your answer is firm, therefore he won’t bug you to do it. He’ll drop the subject. 
You two continue eating, and for once he’s the one that makes most of the conversation. He should apologize, he should’ve chosen better words. 
“If it makes you feel better, the one time I plan a date… It starts to rain.” Zayne hopes that by admitting his own failures, he’ll make you feel better. You can’t help but chuckle.
“That doesn’t mean that you suck, it just means that the weather isn’t on your side.” You reassure him, face turning to look out the window. The rain still falls, much harder than before. “Plus I’m enjoying the date. Well, I was before you–”
“In my defense, I was initially complimenting the dish.” He argues, and you can’t help but laugh. A petty argument from a compliment. Though you’d argue that it was backhanded, Zayne isn’t all that great with words– Unless it’s with him coming up with a witty comeback, or of course, explaining medical terminology.
“How about you start cleaning up while I look for a game we can play?” You change the topic as you finish up your meal. Zayne immediately nods, more than willing to fulfill the task that you’ve assigned. He begins to clear the table, and you stand up to look for the games that are hidden away. Games that you’ve gotten to play with him but you’ve never had the time to actually sit down together and figure out.
You look for something that’ll make the night more fun, and also something that you have yet to play… But you still land on an old game. Something that gets both of you competitive. You end up pulling an old game that you’ve played a dozen times with him. A game that makes you want to break up with him, but when you make up it’s a memorable night.
You set up the table with the game, and wait for Zayne to finish up in the kitchen. You’d offer to help if he was doing any other task, but you aren’t going out of your way to clean up, even if it is to help your amazing boyfriend. Maybe you can take a peek at the cards as you wait for him to come back to the table.
“Okay, I’m ready.” Zayne walks back to the table, grabbing the cards that you definitely didn’t take a quick look at, and shuffling them. “Who’s going first?”
“I am. I don’t trust you while playing kitty cards.” You respond, and he hands out two cards. You frown as you look at them, knowing that you’re starting off on a bad foot. Your assist cards can help you make a comeback, so you’re only praying you get lucky with that.
“I should be the one saying that, I saw you look at the cards.” He lets out a low laugh as he gives himself three cards. He takes a seat across from you before commenting, “Given by the look on your face, you didn’t get all that lucky.”
“I’m going to win. Mark my words.”
Though you’re as competitive as you can be, luck simply isn’t on your side. Zayne doesn’t help your case, using every card that he has, against your favor. You glare at him with every move he takes, and he smirks, proud of his every move.
“Can you leave me alone? I barely have any points, there’s no point for you to null my card.” You complain, and Zayne shakes his head. 
“I have to take every possible precaution.” He answers, putting down a card that takes away your turn– And if that isn’t horrible enough, he takes away one of the kitty cards that you’ve put down. “Last time you won, I heard about it for weeks.”
“Last time I lost, you also heard about it for weeks. Matter of fact, we almost broke up.” You point out, and you watch as the corner of his lips turn. He’s trying his best to fight back a smile, and you have to roll your eyes. “And if you keep up with your act, we might actually break up.”
“It’s just a game of kitty cards.” Zayne says, which makes you glare at him. You cross your arms, a scoff leaving your lips. Just a game of kitty cards? The game becomes a very serious matter when you’re as competitive as you are.
“If you don’t take it seriously, then you should let me win.” You claim, and Zayne knows that unless he stops playing, your date will completely go sour. He just fixed matters after his unnecessary comment, he can’t let himself nearly ruin the date once again. He could try to let you win, but at this point there’s no way you can make a comeback. Plus, it’s not satisfactory for him.
“How about we stop.” He suggests, and you know you can’t win.
“Fine.” You answer, a hint of attitude in your voice just so he notes that you’re not happy with him.  
“What were we going to do today?” You ask him, beginning to clear the table. The sight of the unfair game is keeping you mad, so it’s best to clean up. Zayne joins you.
“Stargazing.” He responds, which perks up your eyebrows. Where exactly? “It’s a place not too far from here that gives a perfect view of the city, and I thought it’d be a nice date. I bought a couple of snacks to have a late picnic, but the universe isn’t on my side.”
“That is such a cute date!” You comment, eyes looking out the window to see that the rain has calmed down. “We can still do it.”
Zayne looks in the same direction. It’s not what he pictured, but it’s not a bad idea.
“Just for a minute.” He grabs your hand, fingers intertwining with yours before he guides you outside. Your anger is long forgotten when you feel his large hand lightly squeezing your own. There’s still some light rain when you exit the place, but you aren’t staying outside for too long so it’s not an issue.
“Look, there’s a full moon.” You immediately point to the sky. The clouds had been hiding the moon all night, and now you finally get a chance to glance at it. “Just look at it, it’s so beautiful.”
“It really is beautiful.” He answers, though his eyes aren’t looking at the moon. His thumb traces lazy circles on the back of your hand, as he finally looks up at the sky. Stargazing is a dumb date if you aren’t going to the countryside. In a way, he’s glad his plans were ruined. 
You look back at Zayne, a foolish smile coming to your lips. Stargazing would’ve been nice, even if you don’t get a great sight, laying next to him for a whole night is the type of date that you need. You don’t even need to talk, each other’s presence is more than enough for you to be satisfied.
“Why are you smiling?” He finally looks back at you. It’s not a complaint, he’s overjoyed to find you smiling. He just wonders what’s going on in your mind. Two fingers come up to his face, brushing away the hair that’s on his forehead before you get on your tip-toes to press a kiss on it.
“You are so cute.” You tell him, and he chuckles. Out of all words that you could’ve picked, cute is the one that he least expected.
“Cute?” He responds, and you hum in response. Nevertheless, it’s a compliment so he’ll accept it. He smiles back at you, gaze getting lost into your eyes. You have the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen, maybe that’s the reason he’s so desperately in love with you. “Cute. I’ll take it.”
“Let’s go inside before you get sick.” There’s a mischievous smile on your lips as you say the words. He’s the one that usually says the phrase, but the tables have turned. Zayne lets go of your hand, hands falling on your waist before pulling you closer.
“Let’s enjoy the moment a little longer, I don’t mind getting sick.” His nose brushes against yours, his eyes looking into yours ever so lovingly. His supple lips land on yours, pulling away within seconds. “It’s barely even raining.”
“Just a minute then.” You tell him, and he nods in response. However, Zayne doesn’t care to look at the sky. Apart from the full moon, there’s nothing that’s worth noting.
He loves the feeling of the rain on his skin, every droplet is a subtle reminder that this is real. He’s living in the moment. What’s happening right now is not a fragment of his imagination. The way you look at him, the way you laugh, the way your hands wrap behind his neck– It’s all real.
“Okay, we should go now. I don’t want you to get sick… And I also don’t want to get sick.” You say, and he smiles. He lets go of you, allowing you to go inside without an issue. You’re not going inside without him though. You grab Zayne’s hand and drag him inside, knowing that if he gets sick, you’ll end up getting sick as well.
“I’m going to get changed.” You tell him, and he mindlessly follows. He’s seen you naked many times, there’s no need to be shy… Except he is the one that gets shy at the mere thought of seeing you naked. He’s already flustered at the idea of you getting changed; but he still follows.
“What do you want to do now? Watch a movie?” You ask him, getting to the room. There’s a sudden increase in temperature– Or is it just Zayne? Why does he feel hot?
“A movie… Sounds fun.” He swallows thickly, watching as you begin to lift up your shirt. His cheeks turn pink at the sight of some skin, but you never take off your shirt. You notice he’s staring, and you fight back on smirking. 
“Do you have something else in mind?” You watch him step towards you, ever so slowly. He’s hesitating. Should he? He doesn’t want to turn the sweet night into something… More. But he does.
He wants to feel every inch of you, and frankly, the shirt that you have on outlines everything which doesn’t really help. Maybe he’s a pervert for the thoughts that creep into his head, but it’s hard to think differently when you look like this right before him.
Before you know it, Zayne’s lips land on yours, tongue exploring your mouth before it finds your own. His tongue presses against yours while his hands desperately try to take off the damp clothes that cover your body. Very skilled hands struggle, nerves overtaking him at the thought of feeling your body. An action he’s done many times before, but he turns into putty each and every time.
You’re not as nervous though, hands going to his belt and unbuckling it without an issue. Your hands go into his boxers, feeling him up which makes the man pathetically whimper into your kiss. He can come undone from a single move. And even when your hands are wrapped around his cock, he’s too nervous to touch under your shirt.  
You pull away, a string of saliva connecting your lips until you pull far enough that the bond breaks. You take off your shirt, and Zayne is watching you as if he were a teenager all over again. Cheeks burn red at the sight of some skin, it’s truly pathetic. It’s not just some skin though, you’re getting completely undressed in front of him.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He’s dumbfounded, it’s as if he’s never seen this before. This is nothing new to him, but it always feels like the first time… That’s a good thing, right? 
His lips land on yours again, though he takes more risks this time as his hand fondles your breast. His lips don’t last long on your mouth, choosing to kiss down your neck, before his lips land on your breasts. His lips kiss every inch of your skin before his tongue circles around your nipple. 
It’s nice, but you need more. Your body is begging to feel every inch of him. Luckily for you, it’s as if Zayne can read your mind.
“I need to taste more of you. Please.” There’s desperation behind his eyes, it’s as if he needs it. You get on the bed for him, legs spreading without a shame in the world.He stares down at you and he licks his lips. Maybe this is how he should’ve led the date in the first place.
“You’re so gorgeous.” He says as he gets on his knees. He kisses your inner thigh, working his way up. So gentle and shy, but he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself. Doing things slowly is what makes this more exciting.
“Smells so sweet.” He finally gets to your pussy, the tip of his nose pressing against your clit before he kisses it. His lips feel so soft on you. He kisses your clit again before his tongue begins to flick it. Tastes even better than he remembered. 
Sweeter than he could ever imagine.
Low moans escape your lips as you feel his tongue work on you. The sound of your voice is perfect, all the motivation he needs to do this. It’s his reward for the night, and he couldn’t be happier. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. 
He kisses your clit, two long fingers running through your folds to gather your slick. Once his fingers are lubricated enough, he slowly pushes them in. He begins to suck on your clit and your eyes roll to the back of your head. You moan his name, pleasure already consuming you.
He curves his fingers so they hit just the right spot. You bite down your lip, feeling embarrassed at the thought of being too loud. He’s looking up at you, and the look on your face is something he wants to have ingrained in his memory.
His fingers pick up speed, and your hands grip the bed sheets. Pleasure consumes you, your climax slowly overtaking your body. You’re moaning his name again, unable to contain yourself as sex clouds your mind. 
“That’s it, baby! That’s so good.” You can’t help yourself as your boyfriend hits all the right spots. It’s music to his ears. Even when he’s been congratulated for his many achievements, this is the best thing he’s ever heard.
Your breath gets caught up in your chest, your body quivering as you finally reach your climax. Zayne pulls out his fingers, tongue continuing to lap at your cunt until he’s finally satisfied. He presses a kiss on your clit when he’s finished.
“I need you, baby. Please.” You say, and Zayne can’t afford to waste another moment. It hurts to even think with the uncomfortable feeling that’s in his pants. He walks to the nightstand to get the bottle of lube before giving all his attention to you. He gets undressed before getting on top of you.
“Are you sure you want this?” Zayne asks as he pours the lube all over his dick. Maybe he should consider some sort of protection, but he needs to fully feel you. He needs to feel every inch of your body. 
“I need you, please. Give it to me.” Your voice is enough to drive him wild. He runs the tip of his cock through your folds before slowly pushing himself into you. He bites his lip, not wanting the pathetic noise that leaves his throat to be audible. You feel so nice and warm around his cock, so fucking perfect in every single way.
“It’s so good.” He mutters, eyes nearly rolling to the back of his head as he feels you around him. He bottoms out, stopping to give you time to adjust. 
“Move.” You tell him, and Zayne begins to move with slow thrusts. His eyes focus on your face, watching as it contorts with pleasure. It’s hard for him to not get nervous when you look like this, so fucking perfect. 
“You’re so tight.” He says, hands gripping the bed sheets. Your legs wrap around his waist, hands going to the back of your neck to push him down. Your lips meet his in a messy but passionate kiss.
You drive him insane.
“You’re doing so good, baby.” You praise him, and you hear a groan come from his throat. His thrusts pick up speed, slowly losing himself inside of you. All composure comes undone when it comes to you.
He watches your hand move down your torso, and before you can even finish your thought, his hand takes over. His fingers play with your clit, doing everything just right. Your eyes are rolling to the back of your head, moaning his name over and over again.
“Fuck.” He curses, a word that rarely leaves his lips. But what else can he say when you’re squeezing around him? He shuts his eyes, too overwhelmed by everything that goes on. Your hands go to his back, nails digging into his soft flesh which makes him moan– The slight pain heightens the pleasure.
“Zayne, I’m gonna–” You begin, pleasure overtaking your body as another climax approaches. Zayne hits all the right spots, he simply knows your body too well. 
“I know, dear. I know.” He’s out of breath. He’s close too. It’s just too much for him to handle. But you’re one step ahead of him. Your nails drag along the skin of his back as pleasure gets the best of you. You see white, finally reaching your high. 
“Good job.” He praises you, knowing that he’s not going to last much. You’re just too much for him, which in the context, is a wonderful thing. His thrusts get sloppy, getting more vocal by the second.
“Can I finish inside?” He asks, and you frantically nod your head, not even having the words to say yes. You pull him into a kiss, and he groans into it as he releases his warm cum into you. A dragged out sigh leaves his lips when he pulls away from the kiss. 
He stays buried inside of you, not wanting to leave your warmth just yet. He stares into your eyes for a bit, getting lost in them once again. There’s a certain spark in them, one that he’s noticed only appears when you look at him. The same spark that appears in his eyes.
“Can we cuddle?” You ask him as he pulls out of you. He lays down beside you, turning his head to look at your sweaty face.
“Clean up first.” He says, though you don’t listen and nuzzle up next to him. He rolls his eyes, but he still wraps his arms around you. “I admit, this is much better than stargazing.”
“We could’ve done that there too.” You respond without missing a beat, and his face gets completely red. He definitely wasn’t imagining that. He supposes that you could’ve, but it wouldn’t be as special– It would be even more special, it just would be indecent.
“I like it better here.” He tells you, pressing a kiss on the top of your head. “It’s warm, and there’s no bugs around.”
“You’re right.” You chuckle. “Could you imagine if a mosquito bit you–”
“How about I run you a bath?” Zayne cuts you off, knowing that the question that’s about to leave your lips is absurd. He doesn’t want to hear it. 
“Will you join me?” You question, getting off him. He takes a moment to look at you before nodding in response. 
A bath sounds nice.
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