#I am okay I am just way tired
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Hey y'all I am still working on the goat in a dress but am delayed by a POTS flareup so I will not be working on it more until tomorrow I forgot asparagus is a diuretic. Again. lol
(for anyone reading this with no context for why that matters, I have both POTS and salt wasting syndrome and am on medication that is literally the opposite of a diuretic to help keep my blood pressure up. Eating a bunch of asparagus kind of temporarily undid that effect and I am very tired but fine, and I'll be back to normal in the morning)
#the person behind the yarn#food mention#I am okay I am just way tired#I took some salt pills and they are starting to kick in but oh boy that was not fun#I think asparagus is one of those things like salt that for most people it won't cause a noticeable affect to your blood pressure#like. most peoples' bodies are really good at maintaining homeostasis#mine is an outlier and should not have been counted#ESPECIALLY when it comes to electrolytes and water I am SO BAD at regulating those#I mean I say that like I have any control over it?? but also there's not really a better way to word that#I stay hydrated take my meds take salt pills as needed#but that does not stop the fact that my body is bad at salt and water lol
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more kitties that live in my sketchbook
#mine#i just took a huge amount of psychic damage from going thro my facebook page#my GOD. the things i had on there#anyway. i hope u hve had a good week...my week has been mixed but okay! im super tired ugjug#my period was like 11 days late bc since stopping hormones it like has no idea whats going on n my period app was havin a coronary#i got a notifcation that was like ur ABNORMAL!!!!!!!!!! okay and#hmm what am i going 2 do now.....probably som colouring and then some reading#i stopped reading the fantasy book i was reading it was eating my brain slowly . in a bad way#i tried using my lightbox 2day instead of drawing over my sketch n it worked well!! ive bough different paper n it worked way better#am happy !! :))
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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“Oh, I’m sorry, baby. Want me to kiss it where it hurts?” Kirishima purrs up at you, his place between your thighs seemingly the closest thing he can get to ascension. His eyes are wide, his pupils blown out, any red swallowed up by the lust pooling in his eyes. he looks like the picture of adoration and worship, all faux worry and pure hunger as he bounces between your gaze and the pretty picture that twitches in front of his face. his eyes cross to watch the slick ooze from your hole, sighing.
“It’s the least you could do for me,” you pout to him, running your nails through his soft locks, tugging a little meanly at the root. “After using me like a toy on your cock for so long.” Your words are sighed wistfully, your eyes betraying just how much you want his mouth on you as he wants to taste you. Kiri moans at that, quiet and in the back of his throat, but you hear it none the less.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he repents, but it’s all for naught when his tongue laves over your sensitivity and doesn’t let up until you’re crying from the overstimulation once more. he’s so sorry—that you can only cum so many times before you tap out. he’s so sorry—that your thighs are more sore from tightening up around his head than his working jaw. he’s so sorry—that you’re so addicting, that he can lay between your legs until his last breath leaves him.
#I am so tired#I feel like I say that every time I write in the tags LOL SORRY#but today was so nice and it drained me in the good way lol#anyway I realized today that I don’t write enough for him by himself#and I felt guilty 😔#he’s just a big guy that doesn’t realize his own strength or stamina#and accidentally uses you like a little toy whenever he’s pent up#and he always tries to make it better with a kiss no matter where it’s at :(((#I love calling him big guy tho it’s my fav nickname#okay gn I sleeb now#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#kirishima treats! 🍬
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i cleaned my room i changed my sheets i took a shower i am a normal human person now everybody cheers
#it sure does feel good to Be now#but oh my god it's so tiring to do stuff#shagdhgsadhgsahghga#wrestling with my 9kg weighted blanket is never fun#and also . shrimpmin was just zoooominggg back and forth on my bed while i was trying to change the sheets#silly guy#aanyway i love you guys!!!#i am stil incredibly slow with asks but i am just working very hard on the prince!gojo x knight!reader rewrite#it's at 9k now i think............#which is fucking scary and which is also the reason i'm only putting this in the tagshgsadghsadhhgas#it's way blooder and there's more fighting and well while i love that#i'm scared that ppl just won't read it yk#LIKE I PROMISE THERE'S SOME TASTY BICKERING TOO OKAY IT'S FUN I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISEEEE#sighh#writing is scary sometimes huh..#mayor of loserville
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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I love thinking about how this would go down with them
#ghost rider dandadan au#lisa totally brings this up again. ‘awwwwww my evil minion is no longer evil minion-ing’ ‘what the fuck are you talking about??’#gotta be direct with this one girlie pop he’s one dense motherfucker. usual flirting techniques ain’t gonna apply here#REALLY need to draw their respective ‘jealous rage’ moments#some days lisa thinks she might have hit aira with that washing too hard. other days she thinks ‘perhaps not hard enough’#idk how jealous of a person robbie is in canon I’m thinking it’s not that bad. but in the dandadan world he’s got a couple things going-#against ‘reasonable behavior’#Robbie would be way closer to lisa in this universe considering their shared nightmare experience lmao#and then here comes along this dude outta NOWHERE and he’s ‘open’ and ‘trusting’ and ‘outgoing’#ALL THINGS ROBBIE REALLY ISNT#and the dude wastes NO TIME hitting on lisa. like. okay jiji. can you take a few fucking steps back please.#robbie reyes#lisa (ghost rider)#lisa o’toole#<- fuck it. tagging her name as that. she deserves a last name and that’s a good one.#my art#ANYWAY can you tell I’ve been thinking about this a lot#I just want them being kind of insane about each other to transfer over yk#please pardon the shitpost quality I am ✨tired✨ but I wanted to talk about them so so SO bad
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feeling very grateful for the cute barista today who clearly clocked a) my fontaines d.c. tote, and b) the fact i was stuck on a spectacularly bad date, and proceeded to play me an entire playlist of fontaines d.c. and sneak me extra vegan marshmallows with my hot chocolate
#an absolute GEM 💗#we need more people in the world like this#they restored my faith in humanity 🙏#unlike my date#who was… well. i’ve been on worse ones i guess#but he monologued at me for a two and a half hours#and on the rare times i actually managed to get a word in edge ways or voice an opinion#he just twisted it round to suit what he’d been saying#it REALLY annoyed me#the entire thing annoyed me actually#i am so sick and tired of going on dates with straight white men who feel the need to explain everything to you#as if you’re not a person with a mind and experiences of your own#also wtf is the point on going on a date with someone when you aren’t remotely interested in getting to know them???#the man asked me maybe two questions total the entire afternoon#i could write his entire fucking biography#also at the end he said how cool and mysterious i was#and i’m like ????#i’m only mysterious because you’d prefer me to be that than an actual person who you could have had a proper conversation with#*breathes out slowly*#phew okay i was angrier about this than i thought lol#the older i get the less tolerance i have for shit like this 🫠#anyway yeah sorry#vent over 😅#i’m just so annoyed because i have SUCH limited energy atm with my pain and fatigue etc and i just wasted it on him ffs#but then again#the cute barista and the fontaines d.c. and the marshmallows were most definitely not a waste of my energy#they totally saved my day honestly 🙏#fontaines d.c.#lulu posts
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💛 Keep your memories close to your heart 💛
#I played Pocket Mirror for the 3rd time to play LGTS and for the first time I feel like I actually understand the story#I played for the first time all the way back in 2016 and the second just the year after I think#Really like the game! I have a lot of nostalgia attached to it#the remake looks gorgeous all around and all the music is amazing#the only flaw is the dialogue that can be a little too much at times#yes harpae I am okay for the love of god stop asking all the time please#Anyway! i could have polished this more but honestly I'm just tired of looking at this drawing so here you have it#and if you havent please consider checking out the game! LGTS too! Both are great!#digital art#artists on tumblr#fanart#goldia die heilige#goldia pocket mirror#pocket mirror
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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whoever thought it's a great fucking idea to sit tf down and count hypothetical money quackity would make from streaming FREQUENTLY, laying it out with passive agressive comments on how this could save qsmp from the financial downfall - literally NOBODY FUCKING ASKED, GET A DAMN LIFE. i am once again aggressively tapping the sign saying no way fandom can get into every business thinking it is their sole right to fix things, presenting their opinion as the only correct one, moreover, trying to talk as if they are the expert on the subjet, MOREOVER, trying to speak like his damn BOSS. (spoiler: you are NOT). it's pure manager anti behaviour. whatever happenned wtih treating ccs like humans they are, amirite !!! i understand being disappointed and angry with him over how things turned out, but at this point some fuckers will not be satisfied with anything Q does, it's never going to be enough. (fuck these people sincerely, as well as their irrelevant ass takes). (in general, Q was never a long stream guy, at the beginning of the year he did mention he wants to stream more, doing things he likes, but then shit hit the fan, so. literally one of the recent streams he did, the one where he painted, he did because he felt sad and wanted to do smth nice. he is literally not your type of streamer who'd grind for money and subs, idk what to tell ya)
#qsmp fandom neg#qsmpblr neg#qsmp discourse#discourse#not to mention they compared q's stream hours with BBH. ARE YOU OKAY???#not to mention twitch has its own share from all the revenue and it just gets bigger with each year#idk shrugs im just tired of how weird ppl behave twrds q sometimes#this post IS about these people AND IN NO WAY I AM TRYING TO INVALIDATE WORKERS . THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT SENTENCE.
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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Any other autism-spectrum folks have NT friends repeatedly ask if you're "okay" in social situations? I'm sure it's sweet and well-intentioned, but it often feels like yet another reminder that I'm failing at "performing normality" to an acceptable degree. I have no idea how to act in order to convince people that I AM okay :/
#autism#actually autistic#i went out with some people recently#and one of them asked if i was okay / if i'd gotten tired of masking / if i'd felt overstimulated#and don't get me wrong it was in a very caring way and i was also touched that she kept me in mind like that#but another part of me just feels... so tired. like here's another thing i have to figure out how to handle#do i just keep being myself and telling people that i AM fine (even if they apparently don't believe that)#or is this something else i'll have to learn to mask about?#'behaving in a way that convinces my NT friends their autistic friend is doing okay'?#god it's fucking exhausting#people are always like 'we love difference!' until they see you actually being different#neurodiversity#cosmo gyres#personal
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I wanted to draw my own take on ART-as-a-presence-in-the-feed but struggled with what path to take for A While bc all I had was that I was adamant about a winding, serpentine body, too large to take in at once and So Good at piling upon your shoulders with weight that's either overwhelming or comforting, take your pick
And then I brought in the hexagons and everything just worked
(They let me give it a face without an actual face, make for a good shorthand to show that it's talking/present in potential future art, and as a bonus serve as an homage to JWST bc hey, science!)
Partially brought to you by a whole lot of listening to Satellite by Starset
#ive hit the 'i just wanna stop looking at it' phase tho so here. take it#digital art#fanart#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#asshole research transport#character design#somehow this is what taught me how to make custom brushes in krita (it was for the face hexagons)#okay i am fuckin Tired but im still reeling from Network Effect and i care these two dipshits so much#i picked orange for ART to contrast Murderbots blue#but unfortunately also bc its been stuck in my brain as orange-aligned from the moment it appeared#bc my first impression was 'oh youre like simaris but not fuckin infuriating'#which is a Very unfair comparison btw bc i cant fuckin stand simaris but i love ART dearly#also a million other reasons but yeah. sorry bud you got assigned orange at introduction#at some point during the desing process it also had a whole bunch of hands since its controlling so many things at once with ease#but i had no way to make that look good and keep with the original vision of 'annoying long weighted blanket'
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the Immediate switch from "this is bearable" to "I wanna kms" any time my boss switches up the schedule by an hour at random (happens weekly)
#i feel like i am using 100% of my energy surviving and it's been that way for years#i can't think of anything better to try for. my brain just doesn't do that most of the time#i just don't even know what it would feel like if things were better or what i want#i don't have that in me#friends and family are wondering why i can't move on or set goals or get better or seem happier. and i just.#everything has to come out of something else if i do the laundry it comes out of the energy i have to go out#if i go out i lose the energy i have to feel okay while i'm at work#if i watch a show or read it comes out of my do the dishes energy#if i try to message people on dating apps it comes out of my work social energy storage and i get weird#if i do job apps or my taxes it comes out of the emotional regulation energy and i get angry unexpectedly#i just can't find a way to have more energy i have tried everything and i'm still so tired
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stumbling into the tumblr blog covered in blood. hey guys i think pendog creative library is pretty cool. you should check it out.
#pendog creative library#[cherry on top]#HELLO PENDOG FANDOM. IS THERE ANYBODY IN HERE.#or would it be pcl? eh. pendog just sounds nicer to say compared to pcl.#trying so hard to make sure these tags dont dip into being absolute nonsense because i am currently Very Tired as i write this.#drawing this took something out of meeeee. im very proud of it but i also never want to look at it again (exaggerating)#i was like 'okay this'll be easy. it'll be quick. i dont have to make a glitter texture i can just paste in an image from google.#no shading just simple base colors. make it look like a scrapbook. easy! fun :)'#then miss hecate personally came into my head and said 'listen to me very closely young lady. you are going to shade that drawing-#-whether you like it or not. make those sequins shine against the spotlight properly. make me look nice. do you understand'#and i went 'ma'am yes ma'am' and then focused so hard i got a headache#aaauguasahhghghh. im all good but also augh.#this is what those artists in universe felt like after drawing those miss hectate portraits. i think. i better not go missing after this.#BY THE WAY THE BACKGROUND IS WORMS. NOT INTESTINES. TO CLARIFY. JUST IN CASE.#ask to tag#<- for either of those two things. idk#anyways i need to go the fuck to bed. good NIGHT.
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