#I am not okay I’m not okay I’m not saying it in a funny way I’m not alright

[hurtspideyparker]

I’m sending this because I saw your post on the tags. You’re not a Tom Holland fan, you’re a Peter Parker/Spider-Man fan. You only talk about this character on your blog. You’re a Marvel stan. I doubt you can't even name more than 5 Tom projects that aren't Spider-Man movies. You’re not obssesed with him, you’re obssesed with his version of the character which is not the same as being a fan of the actor and support his career outside of one thing.

Well this is a very rude way of supporting someone who only promotes kindness and adores his work with Spider-Man.

First of all, this is a Marvel side blog. So I only post about Marvel and adjacent things on here, in my personal life and other blogs I do have other interests. I will also say I have a hyperfixation on Marvel, especially the MCU, and my favourite character since I was a child is Spider-Man. So yes, that is my favourite Tom Holland role, he is my favourite spidey, so my blog focuses on him a lot. And the thing about hyperfixations is 1. I can't control it and 2. I am literally mentally ill about him.

But I do absolutely adore Tom Holland as an actor, so I'll take this as an opportunity to gush about some of my favourite projects of his!

The Crowded Room: If someone says Tom isn't a good actor I know for a fact they've never seen this. The amount of roles he plays in this, heavy and variable, was remarkable. Switching between the accents, mannerisms, even down to the way they stand. I was in complete awe, especially when he would switch between them without cuts. I watched an interview where he said he doesn't memorize scripts completely, but he learns the characters so deeply that he knows what they'd say and do anyways. To do that in a role like this just shows how seriously he takes the art. The story in and of itself was very moving, well written, and paced beautifully. I loved all the characters and how they fit together in order to protect Danny. 10/10 would recommend, there is heavy subject matter and I cried when he was on the stand and they didn't believe he had DID (especially when the man who loved him also started doubting if Ariana was real), and then again when he said Adam was him :(

Cherry: Incredibly real story, hurt my heart that people go through this. Tom did a fantastic job being respectful of the subject matter—a veteran with PTSD who falls into drug addiction and crime to fuel it. You can see his character harden over time, and I have a crush on the version of Cherry when he was in college hehe. The way he loves Emily so intensely through it all, how reverently he treats her, and his total breakdown when she overdoses. He rather have her clean and away from him than be together in their suffering. And it has a happy ending! Ngl Tom with a mustache made me giggle, just looks so silly lol. I know he can't grow facial hair to save his life

Uncharted: While Tom is fantastic in those heavy roles and I love seeing him cry, let my boy have fun! This movie was a great action movie, and idc about all the video game nerds who says he isn't a good fit for Nathan. He might not be Nathan, but he is BORN for action babyyy. Suave, intelligent, and sweet. I know he had a lot of fun with this role and is a big fan of the game, so happy he got it! I am still hoping for a sequel because I need Tom in more action and light-hearted films

Chaos Walking: The sci-fi aspects of this are really cool, and a unique way of commentating on patriarchy. The plot twists were cool and Todd Hewitt is my sweet little feminist king. He's so funny to me, bro is trying his best, I definitely view Todd as an underdog who has all this responsibility put on him. World building and characterization was sick, wish it got a bit more love

The Devil All the Time: Okay this movie was objectively really good but SO WEIRD? I felt very discomfited after. But Tom's character was definitely my absolute favourite, what a terrible journey he goes through. Even though the movie was odd Tom made it all worth it. A genuinely good guy pushed to do terrible things because of other terrible people, like yes you get em king!!! Had me on the edge of my seat

The Impossible: The fact that this was his first film!? SO INTENSE, and yet he did fantastic. Tom Holland didn't really plan to be an actor, he truly just had greatness thrust upon him. Scooped up as Billy Elliot, then scouted as Lucas in this film. He genuinely has a natural talent for this stuff, this movie is based off a true story and seeing the devastation and little Tom covered in dirt and grieving his family that is still alive, oh gosh. Heavy but the happy ending will make you cry.

Can I also say lip sync battle as one of my fave projects? I need this man to do more dancing or at least physical work. So enamored with him and his confidence. It's interesting looking back on that video after a recent interview he spoke about how young he was and eager, but as an adult (and the adults around him at the time) being more hesitant and cautious about putting yourself in the media like that. It's been cool watching Tom mature!

Films I would not recommend as a Tom Holland fan:

How I Live Now: Tom isn't in it that much, and it was a really slow, disturbing film. I felt sad, gross, and uncomfortable watching it, just for Tom to barely be seen. Do not recommend

Edge of Winter: Also a very disturbing film. Tom was in it more, but it's mostly a slow horror film without much closure, and Tom's character isn't that interesting. Bland and uncomfortable

Now I'm not interested in his animated voice work, and I don't like period pieces, so I haven't seen those films. But if they're great enough and Tom has a good role in them pls feel free to recommend!

I just want to say you don't need to hit a quota to be a fan of someone. If you like one song, book, film... you're allowed to call yourself a fan! Gate-keeping art is not cool, and even if someone only likes one character then that sure is one fantastic character. Spider-Man is something very important to Tom; it's a big part of his career, he met his future wife through it, it changed his world to become his childhood hero. And his depiction of Spider-Man is something very special to me. It isn't just the character, it's him; the freshness, the awkwardness, the naivety he brought to Peter that Andrew and Tobey didn't choose to do. It is such a fantastic character to show off his physical skills, humour, his range from childishness to the grief and fury. You look at him in Homecoming and compare it to NWH and you see how Tom has evolved the character. I'm in awe of every thing Tom Holland does, but Spider-Man is 6 huge projects of his and to be more, which shows so much of his skill.

I also love his interviews. He's a very down to Earth, sweet, and genuine man. I think he's funny, charismatic and confident, but has fantastic work-life balance. I watched that 2 hour interview of his talking about spirituality and mental health, and seeing where he is now with Bero after his struggles with alcohol warms my heart. I wish I could have seen his Romeo & Juliet production, but in the least I think it was a nice break from the big screen for him. And best believe I was fighting for my life in comment sections for his costars—the racism was disgusting. One day that man is going to be a father and we'll never see him again, and I'll support that too. Can't wait for his Nolan film, can't believe how far he's come so quickly, and oh yes, I'm most excited for more Spider-Man films ;)

[chronic-melon]

Yet again having another argument with a random able bodied person about whether or not you should use the word “handicapped” to describe a parking space or a bathroom stall. No, we weren’t talking about a person. Just a bathroom.

Now I don’t really care if he uses the word or not. And I told him so, that it was a word I didn’t find offensive, and that it was okay for me. He berated me for being ableist? And said that it was antiquated and disrespectful.

So, because he decided to tell me, a disabled person, what words I can and cannot use for myself, let me introduce you to the origin of the word.

mid 17th century: from the phrase hand in cap ; originally a pastime in which one person claimed an article belonging to another and offered something in exchange, any difference in value being decided by an umpire.

All three deposited forfeit money in a cap; the two opponents showed their agreement or disagreement with the valuation by bringing out their hands either full or empty. If both were the same, the umpire took the forfeit money; if not it went to the person who accepted the valuation.

The term handicap race was applied (late 18th century) to a horse race in which an umpire decided the weight to be carried by each horse, the owners showing acceptance or dissent in a similar way: hence in the late 19th century handicap came to mean the extra weight given to the superior horse.

A HANDICAPPED PERSON IS A PERSON WHO IS WEIGHED DOWN TO BALANCE OUT THE PLAYING FIELD.

Which actually is really empowering for me. If I wasn’t disabled, the sheer power of my brain and abled body would be too much for this world. They had to tone me down because I would’ve been an astronaut or a neurosurgeon but I can’t stay on my feet or breathe after walking up the stairs.

So yeah, I am handicapped, and you bitxhes should be GRATEFUL because I’m like the glasses that cover Scott Summers’ laser freaking eyes. GAAAAAHHHHHH

(Please don’t take this as me saying disabilities are super powers cause that’s not what I’m saying it’s just funny joke ty)

[oopsiedaisydeer]

𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰, 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘪 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘸 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰?

ɪɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ… 20ᴛʜᴄᴇɴᴛᴜʀʏɢɪʀʟ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴄᴏɴᴅᴜᴄᴛꜱ ᴀ ꜱᴜʀᴠᴇʏ… ʙᴜᴛ ᴇɴᴅꜱ ᴜᴘ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

It was a Sunday afternoon, and she stood in the phonebooth out the front of her house, staring at the number written in messy handwriting. She’d managed to get Matt’s home phone number after a bit of sneaky detective work, hoping to gather more information for Iris. She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous…this wasn’t her first time doing something a little… much. But there was something about this whole situation that felt different. What if she was making things weird? What if she was crossing a line? 

For Iris, she reminded herself.

Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number, holding the receiver to her ear as it rang. The phone line buzzed a few times before the voice on the other end picked up.

“Hello?”

Her stomach fluttered as she forced herself to stay calm.

“Hello, may I speak with Matthew Sturniolo?” she asked, trying her best to sound professional, like a real survey caller. 

The voice on the other end was quiet for a moment, then responded, “Who?”

She didn’t miss a beat. “May I speak with Matthew Sturniolo? I’m calling from…The Survey Squad Institute, to conduct… a quick survey. It won’t take long.”

Another pause. Then, confusion. “Uh, I think you have the wrong number.”

“No, no,” she insisted smoothly. “I’m just calling for a quick survey, just a couple of questions.”

There was hesitation in the voice. “Okay… What’s this about?”

She straightened up, adjusting the phone like she’d done this a million times before. “Thank you for your time! We’re conducting a survey about people's favorite songs. And we’d like to know: if you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

The voice responded, a little uncertain at first but warming up. “Uh... probably Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

Y/n wrote it down, nodding to herself. So that was Matt’s usual go-to track. She was on the right path. 

“So, moving on,” she said, pushing her nerves down. “If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?”

The voice on the other end became a little more relaxed. “A forest, somewhere quiet. Just to get away from everything.”

She scribbled that down too. This was going well. Maybe she’d get this whole thing done without any hiccups. She felt a rush of pride. 

“Okay, last question!” she said a little too brightly, forcing herself to stay in character. “If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, which one would it be?”

There was a brief pause, followed by a soft chuckle. “The Big Lebowski. It’s funny, in a way that doesn’t really try too hard, you know? The way it’s all, like, a series of strange events, but it still feels kinda real in a weird way. It’s kinda... timeless, I guess? I dunno. It’s one of those movies you either get, or you don’t. But if you do, it sticks with you.”

Y/n froze, the pen hovering over her notepad as her heart skipped. Wait a second… Her brain short-circuited for a moment. No way. This isn’t Matt. This is… Chris?

She pulled the receiver away from her ear, staring at it in disbelief before holding it back up, almost as if she could ask the phone itself what just happened. Why am I doing this?

“Wait a second,” she said again, voice a little too loud in the quiet booth, her face turning red. “Is this… Chris?”

She could hear Chris’s smile through the phone, his chuckle a soft echo. Her stomach flipped, and she quickly dropped her gaze to her shoes, wishing she could disappear into the pavement beneath her. Of course. Of course it’s him.

“Well, well, well,” Chris said, clearly amused. “Hello, Echo.”

“Echo?” she repeated, confused. “What the heck are you talking about?”

“Yeah, Echo,” Chris said with a grin in his voice. “You sounded like a robot repeating yourself Y/n, all stiff and professional, like you're reading off a script. Saying the same things over and over, like ‘May I speak with Matthew Sturniolo?’” He laughed again, clearly enjoying himself. “You’ve got this robotic vibe going. I’m calling you Echo from now on.”

Chris let out a low whistle. “Echo, huh? Yeah, you really nailed the whole survey lady thing. You even sounded like you were reading off a script. 'May I speak with Matthew Sturniolo?' You should’ve gone all in and asked me about my opinions on toothpaste or something. I would've believed you.”

He smirked, clearly enjoying the moment. “And hey, now that I know your ‘survey’ skills, I’m just gonna assume you’re gonna call back every few days. What’s next—favorite type of pencil? Or how do you take your coffee?”

“No-” she cut herself off, but Chris was already laughing.

“Yeah, Echo, you’re a pro. I’m gonna expect more surveys in my future. You can’t just give me a performance like that and not continue to live up to it.”

She could feel her face heat up with embarrassment. “I- I wasn’t trying to sound like a robot! I was just-”

Chris cut her off with another laugh. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Echo. I gotta admit, you’re pretty committed to this whole ‘survey lady’ thing. But I’m not Matt, so good luck getting that pager number from me.”

“I’m not-” she groaned. “I was just trying to get Matt’s pager number for- !” She cuts herself off.

“For?” Chris said, the teasing in his voice softening just slightly. “Who?”

She grumbled, avoiding the question, embarrassed but not totally upset.

“Anyway, I think ‘Echo’ is perfect,” Chris teased, clearly enjoying the nickname. “You’re gonna have to try a little harder if you want Matt’s number. I’m not giving it up that easily.”

She sighed. “This is ridiculous. I can’t believe- ”

Chris interrupted, his voice taking on a more playful tone. “Yeah, well, Echo, you gotta live with it now.”

“Whatever,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Just don’t tell Matt, please.”

“No promises. But hey, just call him as yourself next time,” Chris said mockingly. “No need to pretend to be a survey lady.”

She shook her head, laughing despite herself. “You’re being annoying, you know that?”

“I know.” Chris replied with a grin she could practically hear. 

She just shook her head, hanging up the phone and slamming it down with a little more force than necessary. “Echo,” she muttered, the ridiculousness of the whole thing sinking in. Her chest tightens as she leans against the machine.

The whole thing had been pointless and weird, but… something about it lingered. Maybe she was getting somewhere. Maybe.

thank u rose for the dividers ! @bernardsbendystraws

a/n: for the 4% of u that wanted this! reader finally gets a nickname

taglist: @snoopychris @chrissweetheart @sturnsrecord @sturns-mermaid @slxt4chriss @blushsturns comment to be added/removed from this au's taglist!

[sturniololuvz]

https://www.tumblr.com/sturniololuvz/775043131391475712/little-sister-sees-chris-drinkingsmoking-underage

smoking ver? 🫣

okayyy!

“Caught in the Act”

Chris sturniolo x sister

Warnings : smoking

Y/N had been searching for Chris for the past fifteen minutes. She had just finished her homework and wanted to show him a funny video she found, but he was nowhere in the house. Matt and Nick were inside playing video games, so she figured Chris had to be outside.

Sure enough, when she stepped onto the back porch, she spotted him leaning against the side of the house, his hoodie pulled up, back turned to her. She was about to call out to him when she noticed something strange—his hand lifted to his lips, and when he exhaled, a thin cloud of smoke drifted into the air.

Her stomach dropped.

“Chris?” she called, her voice hesitant but firm.

Chris jumped, immediately fumbling to hide the cigarette in his hand. He spun around, eyes wide with panic when he saw his little sister standing there, arms crossed, looking both shocked and disappointed.

“Y/N—what are you doing out here?” he asked quickly, his voice unnaturally casual.

“I was looking for you,” she replied, stepping closer. Her nose scrunched at the smell lingering in the air. “Are you smoking?”

Chris sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew he was caught. There was no talking his way out of this. “Look, it’s not a big deal—”

“Not a big deal?!” Y/N cut him off, her voice rising. “Chris, that’s disgusting! And it’s bad for you! Do you even know what that does to your lungs?”

Chris groaned. “Oh my God, you sound like Mom.”

“Well, maybe you need to listen to Mom,” she shot back, her 13-year-old attitude in full force. “Why are you even doing this? Since when do you smoke?”

Chris avoided her gaze, shuffling his feet. “I don’t do it all the time… just sometimes, when I’m stressed or whatever.”

Y/N’s expression softened slightly, but she was still upset. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. There are literally a million other ways to deal with stress that don’t involve ruining your lungs.”

Chris sighed, rubbing his temples. “Y/N, please don’t say anything to Nick and Matt, okay?”

Y/N frowned. She hated keeping secrets from her older brothers—especially one like this. But at the same time, she didn’t want to get Chris in trouble.

“I won’t if you stop,” she bargained, her tone serious. “Like, for real. No more of this. It’s not worth it, Chris.”

Chris looked at his little sister, seeing the genuine concern in her eyes. He knew she wasn’t just being dramatic—she actually cared.

After a long pause, he sighed. “Alright… I’ll stop.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes. “Promise?”

Chris chuckled softly and held up his pinky. “Pinky promise.”

Y/N stared at him for a moment before linking her pinky with his. “Good. ‘Cause if I catch you again, I am telling Nick and Matt.”

Chris rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, yeah. Got it.”

As they walked back inside, Chris felt a little guilty—but maybe Y/N was right. Maybe this really wasn’t worth it.

[f1-tennisgirlie]

while i am on a roll, just decided to write another funny scene where some of the dumbasses hold an intervention for them so here goes <3

(p.s i wrote them as tennis players here idk why 😭😭)

A few days after the internet had barely started recovering from the married bombshell, their friends decided they had had enough.

It started when Lorenzo Musetti (still not over the betrayal) rallied a group chat titled “Intervention for Sinneralcaraz”—yes, a ship name, because even in his dramatics, he couldn’t help but be on-brand.

Lorenzo: “This is an emergency.” Daniil Medvedev: “They will not take us seriously.” Stefanos Tsitsipas: “They never take us seriously.” Casper Ruud: “We are seriously unserious people.” Matteo Berrettini: “Can’t believe I found out about their marriage through a meme.” Lorenzo: “Exactly. That’s why we must act.”

Somehow, within hours, Lorenzo had orchestrated a full-blown Intervention Zoom Call.

Jannik and Carlos? Invited under false pretenses.

When they logged in, sunglasses on, cocktails still in hand, they were greeted by way too many people sitting in deadpan silence.

Lorenzo: “Sit down.” Carlos: “We are sitting?” Jannik: “Why do you look like you’re about to read us our last rites?”

Daniil, who had clearly been chosen as spokesperson against his will, sighed. “We are here because you two are menaces.”

Matteo: “We lived through the fan account era. We lived through the constant Twitter wars. But the fact that you were MARRIED through all of it—” He actually clutched his chest. “I have never felt so foolish in my life.”

Lando Norris popped up in the corner of the screen. “I feel like I should sue.”

Pierre Gasly: “What was the reason?”

Jannik took a sip of his drink. “Entertainment.”

Carlos nodded. “It was funny.”

Lorenzo screamed.

Novak Djokovic, who had joined halfway through just to witness the chaos, finally spoke up. “I have won 24 Grand Slams, and even I did not see this plot twist coming.”

Rafa Nadal, rubbing his temples, sighed. “Carlos. Mi hijo. How did I not know?”

Carlos, casually: “You never asked.”

Andy Murray: “I have watched a lot of absurd things happen in this sport, but nothing—nothing—comes close to the two of you gaslighting the entire internet while wearing wedding rings.”

Jannik, smirking: “Thank you.”

Daniil Medvedev: “THAT WAS NOT A COMPLIMENT.”

Emma Raducanu, from her box, just shook her head. “I’m just here for the live entertainment.”

Stefanos Tsitsipas finally cut in. “Okay. Serious question. Were you ever actually beefing? Or was it all a long con?”

Carlos: “Oh, we were absolutely beefing sometimes.” Jannik: “There were genuine arguments. I stand by the fact that your takes were criminal.” Carlos: “And I stand by the fact that I was always right.” Jannik: “See? This is why you’re insufferable.” Carlos: “And yet, you still married me.”

Lorenzo fake gasped. “Divorce. Immediately.”

Novak, exhausted: “I cannot believe I canceled practice for this.”

Andy, visibly amused: “Lorenzo, you are acting like a jilted lover.”

Lorenzo: “I WAS LIED TO. WE WERE ALL LIED TO.”

Jannik: “Again. We literally invited you to the wedding.”

Carlos, sipping his drink: “You just didn’t read the email.”

Lorenzo: [inaudible screaming]

Daniil, massaging his temples: “I have wasted years trying to mediate your online fights. Do you know how many times I’ve had to say ‘just block him’?”

Jannik: “Oh, I did. But then I unblocked him because I missed bullying him.”

Carlos: “Aww, babe.”

Matteo: “No. Nope. Absolutely not.”

Casper, looking horrified: “Wait. How long have you been married?”

Carlos: “Define long.”

Lando: “BRO.”

Novak, muting himself because he was actually laughing too hard, waved a hand. “I am done. You two are impossible.”

Rafa, still distressed: “Carlos. I need to process this.”

Andy: “You need to process this? I’m never trusting anyone again.”

Emma: “I mean. Low-key? This was iconic.”

Pierre: “No. It was criminal.”

George Russell, from the background: “Both can be true.”

Lorenzo: “I will be pressing charges.”

Jannik: “On what grounds?”

Lorenzo: “EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.”

Carlos: “L take.”

Stefanos: “Can we at least get one serious answer? What made you guys finally drop the act?”

Jannik shrugged. “Some random person said, ‘imagine if they were actually dating,’ and we thought it’d be funny to go radio silent.”

Carlos grinned. “Then Jannik dropped the vacation pic, and we just watched the world burn.”

Daniil, visibly regretting every life decision that led him to this moment: “You two are evil.”

Carlos, smug: “And married.”

Jannik: “Don’t forget that part.”

Lorenzo, barely holding it together: “I need to lie down.”

Novak, standing up: “This was deeply unproductive. Thank you for wasting my time.”

Carlos: “Anytime.”

Jannik: “This was fun. Let’s do it again soon.”

[END CALL.]

And that’s how the world’s most unserious sports intervention ended—with zero resolutions, infinite chaos, and the married menaces continuing to reign supreme.

sincaraz au where they both run fan/update accounts for rival players/teams (big4? f1? football? etc.) and have beef but also flirt like crazy on the tl and subject all their followers to watching whatever the hell is going on between them and then bam they fall in love and somehow people find out they're dating/married/fucking/etc.

OR they're already dating/married/fucking/etc. but they have beef and flirt on the tl for fun

[aimfor-theheart]

men love to try and tee me up for their next relationship while they’re still dating their current gf and i am never interested. NEVER.

[a-concert-just-for-me]

QB ADHD test is crazy for autists bc tell me why you’re gonna strap this super uncomfortable headband to my head and also have the lights bright in the room bright af and then have the laptop flash images at me too

Like????????

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[heyclickadee]

So, my family is rewatching Rings of Power, and since I’m the one in the family that read The Silmarillion (like a masochist), I’m the one who keeps getting asked all the questions.

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Me seeing someone with a cool name: oooooo, what if

Another part of my brain: no. we spent enough time getting to Jonah. we’re not doing it again

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.

[hopecomesbacktolife]

classical music rant ahead~

I’m not gonna reblog the post itself because people can’t be normal in the notes* but oh my god that “if it sounds like X, it’s Y composer” post is the most infuriatingly, wildly inaccurate thing. “mansplaining” for Wagner?!? REALLY?!? Saying Bach sounds “like a vampire” what does that even meANNNN. don’t get me started on the Beethoven (!!) and Shostakovich ones or I will turn into an incoherent seething mess. it’s worse than just being inaccurate even, it’s insulting to their music and range how inaccurate that user’s descriptions are.

like. there’s so many ways to make FUNNY posts about classical music!!! throwback to my prof bringing in shot glasses and grape juice when we covered Tristan and Isolde! Throwback to my cinnaminim meme!! Throwback to the [redacted] symphony members MEME GROUP where we EXCLUSIVELY SHARED CLASSICAL MUSIC MEMES. throwback to my Bach shirt with CHICKENS ON IT. Composer memes. Symphony memes. Translation memes. Oboi. drunk sugar plum fairy. old twoset skits. like.

I just. keep classical music accessible, yes. criticize it, yes! love it, yes! meme on it, yes!! remix it in sillygoofy ways! yes! Be silly and unserious or serious and yearning about it! Or both/all/more all at once! by all means!!! just. don’t make a joke that’s unfunny because it’s wildly inaccurate, then get mad at me for not laughing. 😐 like. lemme just call you the scarecrow because of this wild strawman fallacy logic you’re exhibiting.

*apparently some tumblr users can’t understand the concept of “this joke isn’t funny and it’s probably because the ‘joke’ isn’t really very accurate to the subject matter itself” because any time someone in the notes says that, people accuse them of being “elitist about classical music” like bro what. that is just. false equivalence. saying a joke isn’t funny because it’s inaccurate isn’t elitism it’s just the truth

[borom1r]

I need to fuck him so bad it does, in fact, make me look stupid

[sodacowboy]

oh. oh no. I don’t know ANYTHING about music.

[readwritealldayallnight]

“And you ladies are goin’ to be alright?”

“Oh yeah, cabbie’s on his way for us. You go ahead and get this one home.” Your friends giggle as they take their turns hugging you goodbye, the process taking nearly ten minutes thanks to the never ending drinks you’ve all had tonight.

It was a rare night out for you, celebrating a friends birthday at a bar with your girl gang. With your busy schedules, it was difficult to find time to get together as often, and when you did, your friends went hard. Shot after shot, drink after drink, you’d definitely been beyond tipsy for a while now.

Simon, who had come to pick you up at the end of the night, was thoroughly entertained by the sight of his intoxicated little sweetheart, all giggly and rosy cheeked. Making sure your friends has their own safe way of getting home, he slipped an arm around your waist, wanting to prevent your stumbling legs from landing you face first on the bar floor, and led you towards the exit.

“Oh my gosh.” You giggle, your own arm trying to wind behind his large muscular back. “Simon I’m so happy you’re heeeeeeere! I missed you so much.”

“S’that right?” He humours you, holding the door open with his side as he manages to steer you out of the building and out to the car park. “You an’ the girls have only been out for a few hours, lovie.”

“Well it was a flew, no a few! It was a few hours too long!” You drunkenly mumbled, making Simon’s smile widen, his mind already going over the different painkillers in your bathroom cabinet he could give you in the morning for the hangover you were sure to get. “A few hours too many, away from my Si guy! I don’t like not being with youuuuuu.”

“I know, lovie, I don’t like being apart either. But you’re allowed to have fun with the girls every once in a while.” He attempted to reason with you, fishing a hand into his jacket pocket in search of the keys. “You had fun, right?”

“Yeeesssss… but I like you! So much!”

“I like you too.” He chuckled at you. “If ya had fun s’all that matters. And I’m here now aren’t I? Said I’d come get ya.” He adds, tightening his grip around you in emphasis, not wanting to shake you too much, unsure as to exactly how many drinks you had.

“Oh my gosh that’s so nice to say…” you began drawling on before your feet came to an abrupt halt, nearly causing Simon to stumble forward himself as he stopped alongside you. “Wait…” you mumbled, eyes glancing ahead at the familiar sight of Simon’s truck. “Are you driving me?”

He can’t help but to softly chuckle to himself again, completely endeared by the way drunken you has your face scrunched up in consideration, apparently having forgotten that between the two of you, Simon would in fact be the one behind the wheel.

“I am.” He replies simply, watching you process his words.

“Okay, well, I just need to call Soap first.” You mumble, trying to pull your phone out of your back pocket with great effort.

“What’ya need to call that tosser for?” Simon asked, now the one feeling confused.

“I’ve just never actually written a will, and if you’re driving then I think I should probab- ahh!” You squeal as Simon scoops you up over his shoulder, swatting a large hand against the plump of your behind, covering the short distance to the passenger side.

“Yeah yeah, very funny, cheeky girl.” He says, opening the door and helping you into the seat before buckling you in, a smile on his face the entire time. He comes around to his side and hops in the drivers seat, starting up the engine. As he starts to pull out of the parking and back onto the main road, Simon glances towards your figure huddled up in the passenger seat, already singing along to the first thing that came up on the radio, and wonders to himself just how much you’ll remember in the morning.

The last time he’d drank with you, you were completely out of business the next day, saying that you could hardly remember a thing from the night prior, and even then he wasn’t sure you were as intoxicated as you were currently. Deciding to have a bit of fun and take a chance Simon asks you:

“Hey lovie?”

“Mhm?”

“When I ask ya to marry me, what do ya think you’ll say?”

“Uh, I will say YES! Duh!” You reply, the answer obvious to you no matter what state you’re in. However, because you are in fact drunk, you then add “and then I’m gonna get down on my knees too Si, and I’m gonna give you the best bestest head in the whole world actually is what I will do.”

“Hm, okay.” He answers casually, keeping the urge to laugh contained for a bit longer, wanting to keep teasing you. “And uh, how many kids do you think you’re gonna want us to have?”

“Simon,” you playfully sing song to him, angling yourself to face towards him and reaching a finger out to try and poke his cheek, landing more towards his shoulder. “Do you have feelings for me or something?”

“Or somethin’” he says quickly, “Come on lovie, how many babies am I puttin’ in ya, hm?”

“Mmm, at least two I think. So that at Halloween, Simon oh my gosh, at Halloween! We can do a family costume and all be ghostbuste-”

“We’re not gonna be ghostbust-”

“We will be ghostbusters.” You nod to yourself, glancing away from him as his opinion is no longer valid, before changing your mind and looking at him with all the love you can muster at that moment. “Simon, it sounds like you liiiiiiiike meeeee.” You attempt to tease. “You wanna get married? And have babies?”

“‘Course I do, lovie.”

“You think about that?”

“Every day.”

“Every day?”

“Mhm.” He confirms, sending you his own loving look.

“Well you better get me my ring then mister, cause I like yoooouuu too.” You giggle, before gasping as the song changes and starting to sing along.

He watches you in the passenger seat, a content smile upon his face as he listens to you singing without a care in the world, unaware that Simon has had your ring picked out and purchased since your first kiss. He’s just been waiting for the right time to ask you. And now that you’ve unknowingly given him your own blessing, he’s not so sure he can wait much longer.

[ode2rin]

new boyfriend rin would never ever, under any circumstance, admit that he likes the pet names you call him. well… unless you would stop doing it. (also me pushing the bffs to lovers pipeline)

You must be upset with him, Rin is convinced so. It’s the only logical and sensible explanation behind this unusual behavior. 

And he's going mad about it. Itoshi Rin is going mad any second now if he can't get to the bottom of this, he’s certainly convinced.

Every instinct screamed that your recent behavior was a reaction to something he'd done, but what? Was it the late replies to your text messages? No, you knew he was at practice and you told him you didn’t mind. Was it about the souvenir he brought back home to you from Paris? Sure, you teased him about its impracticality, but nothing that warranted this icy distance.

Or maybe it was something he said now? It must be, right? Everything boils down to his reckless poor choice of words, he supposes.

Slowly, Rin approached you by the couch you’re seated in. With your attention preoccupied by the selection of shows you’re browsing, you settled on looking at him briefly through your peripheral vision. Amused by how he’s slightly tiptoeing around, you let out a half-suppressed laugh to yourself. 

He looks like a cat sometimes, you thought from the sight. And acts like one too. Like a big black cat who would hiss at you if you looked at him funny, or one that would bite your hand if you stopped petting him to sleep. Funny how Rin could be like that too.

The moment Rin settles into the plush comfort of the couch, he gazes at you through lowered lashes, trying to read the play of emotions on your face, if there’s any. 

There’s nothing worth noting, and he doesn’t know if that should assure or bother him.

“Are we… alright?” he drawled.

What the fuck. He did not just sound like that. 

He did not just ask that and sounded like an anxious pathetic wet cat who just had a new home waiting for its owner’s permission over anything (highly specific because he’s a bit dramatic). Just what kind of loser have you reduced him into, really.

Oblivious of the internal turmoil in Rin’s mind, you turn to him, “Hmm? Yeah? Why’d you ask?”

“Nothing,” he grumbled. It’s enough that he already humiliated himself for the way he asked if the two of you were cool— doing it again by exposing himself that he thinks you’re mad plainly because he hadn’t heard you call him a pet name (like you always do) would be mortification in its final form.

“Okay, Rin.”

That’s it. This needs to end. Forget humiliation. He would rather choose to feel pathetic over any day than continue with this charade.

“Are you mad at me?” 

“Why would you think that?” you asked back instantly, shocked and extremely confused because of your boyfriend’s question. You’re literally just looking for a movie the two of you can watch— how is that any indication of being mad at him?

“Just answer the question,” he fumed, impatience settling on the furrow of his brows.

You said in the beginning of your relationship that you didn’t appreciate the silent treatment and guessing games, so don’t you think it’s hypocritical of you to do the same to him? (You’re not, but he just doesn’t know that.)

“I’m not mad at you, Rin.”

“You so are!” 

“I am not! But you, yelling and instigating it are making me right now!” you countered, voice hinted with irritation, “What is your problem, Rin?”

There it is again. Rin rose from the couch to face your sitting form, as if standing would better prove his point. “See? You’re calling me Rin!” he blurted.

“Well, maybe because it’s your name?!”

“Not to you, it’s not!”

A beat of surprised silence. Until your lips grew to such a wide smile that made Rin physically feel his heart melting. 

Yet, in Rin’s true fashion, he’ll never let you know how much air you knock out of him because of your beaming smile. Instead, he’ll say something along the snarky lines of, “Stop smiling like that.”

“Did my big bad grumpy Rinnie here thought we’re on a fight because I hadn’t call him baby?” you ask, purposely stressing out the words to disarm him more.

With a feigned exasperation, he comments, “I forgot how annoying you are.” 

“And I forgot how childish you can get sometimes,” you countered.

“I’m not childish.”

“You don’t mind me calling you Rin then?”

Rin rolled his eyes at you, but you know better than to put meaning to it. He lowered himself onto the couch beside you. With a swift tug, Rin pulled you closer, closing the distance between you effortlessly. His arm found its way around your waist, drawing you snugly against his chest.

“But I don’t see why you need to…” Maybe he could be a bit childish.

“I thought you didn’t like it,” you shyly muttered, drawing shapes in his arm. “The pet names, I mean,” you clarified, sensing the confused look he’s probably giving you behind.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He is baby. He is Rinnie. Fucking hell, that’s so loser of him to even voice it out in his own mind. 

“What? You call me by my name!” you defensively pointed out.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t like your nicknames of me,” he mumbled, the words barely audible.

The pet names— they were more than what they served. It was important to him more than what he would admit. 

They were a secret language, a way you marked him as yours. A reminder that he wasn't just Rin anymore— just your friend.

He was now something more, something special.

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Besides… I love your name,” he whispered, his voice velvet against your hair.

It’s tender— no, it makes him tender. Saying your name has been the softest, kindest, and most tender way he’s used his words for. 

Maybe it’s a little pathetic, feeling this undone by a name. But then it’s you. 

It was your name— a name he could whisper with adoration, a name that belonged only to him to claim. 

You melt to his words, leaning deeper into his chest. A contented sigh escaped your lips, the sound swallowed by the warmth of his embrace.

Looking up at him, your eyes held a softness he often found himself getting lost in, “I love your name too, but I also like calling you pet names. Is it okay?”

“Whatever you decide.” He’s yours, either way.

note. this is basically rin being "my nameeee is whatever you decideeeee and i'm just gonna call you mineeee i'm insane but i'm your baby!!!!" yeah that song basically.