#<- referencing the ‘maybe you’ll calm down’ meme

[hopecomesbacktolife]

classical music rant ahead~

I’m not gonna reblog the post itself because people can’t be normal in the notes* but oh my god that “if it sounds like X, it’s Y composer” post is the most infuriatingly, wildly inaccurate thing. “mansplaining” for Wagner?!? REALLY?!? Saying Bach sounds “like a vampire” what does that even meANNNN. don’t get me started on the Beethoven (!!) and Shostakovich ones or I will turn into an incoherent seething mess. it’s worse than just being inaccurate even, it’s insulting to their music and range how inaccurate that user’s descriptions are.

like. there’s so many ways to make FUNNY posts about classical music!!! throwback to my prof bringing in shot glasses and grape juice when we covered Tristan and Isolde! Throwback to my cinnaminim meme!! Throwback to the [redacted] symphony members MEME GROUP where we EXCLUSIVELY SHARED CLASSICAL MUSIC MEMES. throwback to my Bach shirt with CHICKENS ON IT. Composer memes. Symphony memes. Translation memes. Oboi. drunk sugar plum fairy. old twoset skits. like.

I just. keep classical music accessible, yes. criticize it, yes! love it, yes! meme on it, yes!! remix it in sillygoofy ways! yes! Be silly and unserious or serious and yearning about it! Or both/all/more all at once! by all means!!! just. don’t make a joke that’s unfunny because it’s wildly inaccurate, then get mad at me for not laughing. 😐 like. lemme just call you the scarecrow because of this wild strawman fallacy logic you’re exhibiting.

*apparently some tumblr users can’t understand the concept of “this joke isn’t funny and it’s probably because the ‘joke’ isn’t really very accurate to the subject matter itself” because any time someone in the notes says that, people accuse them of being “elitist about classical music” like bro what. that is just. false equivalence. saying a joke isn’t funny because it’s inaccurate isn’t elitism it’s just the truth

[jostepherjoestar]

Ah I was sitting on this idea while waiting for requests to open! I loved your ask that had La Squadra meeting Risottos daughter from the future that got me thinking what if La Squadra had a memey s/o from present time? Would they ask lotta questions about the future and get confused when they speak in vine or tiktok references? 😆

La Squadra with a meme-y s/o from the future

gn reader // sfw

ahh that was such a cute ask and glad it made you think of this idea! thank your for requesting this and omg so so so so sorry it took so long, hope you’ll still enjoy it none the less! 💖✨ (you and your LS bf have a good comprehension of each other’s timelines and are used to traveling back and forth a bit :D)

Risotto

He knows the complications are endless and at times it all seems incomprehensible- having an s/o who can literally time travel; but your sheer knowledge of memes and the way you seem to effortlessly drop them into everyday conversation is astounding to him.

He doesn’t understand them that well, no amount of context or explaining will help. It’s simply a language he does not understand that well. And the memes or slang he kind of does understand, he just doesn’t find that funny. 

However, he will never actually find it a bother when you drop a few weird jokes. The way they make you laugh and sometimes even dry-heave from the hilarity makes him love you even more. 

In moments like that he’ll dryly let out a few slang words he remembers. You will never forget the time he let out a serious and deep “yeet” when you were already hysterically laughing, his addition might have made you stop breathing for a minute. It still makes you grin when you remember him shaking your shoulders and telling you to “breathe dammit!!”

Overall this man does not really get it or find it that entertaining himself, but he’ll gladly tease you and make you smile with the stuff he picks up. Risotto just can’t stop staring at your beaming grin.

Formaggio

Although he doesn’t truly grasp the layers of certain jokes or memes, Formaggio is your man! He’ll start using jokes and memes he learned from you and is so pleased when he makes you laugh with them. 

Formaggio is great at continuing a bit but once he loses interest he just...stops. Which is kind of perfect since your knowledge of vines is a lot bigger than those of tiktoks so those quick six seconds are easy to get the point across. 

He’ll still get some stuff wrong but he gets the gist of them. He loves annoying his teammates with his newfound references and they all can’t stand him. The second he opens his mouth with that smug look in his eyes, they all sigh in unison and prepare for the incomprehensible babbling that’s about to commence. 

The rest of the gang likes you but when you and Formaggio are hanging out at headquarters together, they tend to keep conversations quick because they know once you two team up, the suffering will never end. 

“Babe, wake up! New meme just dropped!” 

You two are a menace to deal with but god if it isn’t sickeningly cute and funny when he calls you his baby, his cinnamon apple!

Illuso

Don’t get Illuso wrong, he loves you but dear heavens you are on thin ice with him. He isn’t the most joke-y type, he likes a good chuckle but please do not oversaturate him with references he does not get. 

He has little to no interest in the videos you wish to show him and even less interest in remembering the ones he begrudgingly watched. 

At this point you’re allowed a couple jokes a day, he doesn’t count or literally prevent you from saying them, but you know each other well enough to see when he’s actually getting annoyed. 

To shut you up he’ll try and fluster you! He’ll look into your eyes so intensely as you continue talking about a meme, one eyebrow cocked and one side of his beautiful lips curled up into a smug grin. 

He’ll place a single hand on your cheek, his thumb gently swiping across it while the rest of his large hand and fingers rest on your scalp. As he hears you stumble over your words and can feel your cheeks heating up he’ll get in nice and close to your lips. Ghosting his over yours and placing a single kiss that you wish would last longer. That’ll keep you quiet for a bit 😌

He accidentally (re-)invents “that’s cringe” without your help. (he’s referring to you, sorry bestie)

Prosciutto

Why are you saying these weird words AT him? Why must you crease his brows even further?

Prosciutto’s patience is getting tested with you and your innate need for adding incomprehensible colourful commentary to everyday things and situations. He truly doesn’t get it and there is no amount of explaining you can do to change his mind. Even after the memes make even a little sense, he won’t find them funny.

He does love you, so much in fact, that he knows asking you to stop isn’t going to work and it wouldn’t be a fair thing to do. He sees how your smirk feeds into the satisfaction of landing a joke in your present time where most of your friends know what you’re talking about. 

However when you come around his part of the space time continuum, playtime is over. Well mostly. He does enjoy being a bit goofy around you, his snarky comments get a sarcastic edge that parallels your need for adding a fun flair to mundane things. 

The only time you made him laugh with a meme was when you kept repeating “i can’t believe you’ve done this” over and over while poking his cheeks during a playful mood. After a final poke, Prosciutto’s resolve finally breaking, he couldn’t help but snicker. With one final addition of the line, ever surprised by the wonderful sound he makes when he finally breaks, you stop and stare. Enamoured by your wonderful boyfriend and his gorgeous smile. 

Pesci

He’s the most supportive partner out there! Anything that makes you laugh and giggle, like the memes you keep showing him, fills his mushy heart with joy. 

Pesci will kind of get them? They all make sense in a way, but some of them just go above his head because of the layers of internet knowledge he does not possess. Although he really loves it when you show him stuff that reminded you of him.

🥺🥺🥺🥺 <-- his face the entire day after you show him cute pictures of animals and said they made you think of him. He’s just so in sickeningly smitten with you.

He’ll try out a couple of internet slang terms and blush really badly when they make you laugh. If Pesci could, he’d play your laughter on loop 24/7. Him baby, ok?

When the whole internet was debating their existence and that of every object because everything is cake, you quizzed Pesci on his cake-recognizing skills. He failed horribly, they all looked way too realistic and he might have had a small existential crisis. 

You playfully bit his wrist to show he wasn’t made of cake, planting some kisses along the sensitive spot. He shivered at your tickling pecks, relieved he wasn’t just a tasty confection and even happier that you’d love him regardless. 

Melone

Your meme comrade. 

The first mistake was showing him what the internet was like in your future timeline. He got so invested in its machinations and the entire culture surrounding it. He studied every single social media outlet. Every niche he could find only fuelling his curiosity. 

Pandora’s box has been opened and there is no turning back now. Not only does he get all the memes and vines you show him, he memorized them too. Melone will artfully display his knowledge in daily life when you’re around and show off.

Do you regret showing him? Maybe...but is it hilarious to hear him quote terribly long copy/pastas? Yes. Yes it is.

He will steal your phone so he can feed into his meme needs, saving the most fried up images that barely make any sense, to your gallery. You sorted the ones he saves into a special folder so you wouldn’t have to strain your eyes so much. 

It’s all fun and games until he starts referencing stuff during more intimate times. At first they made you laugh but as time went on you had to ask him to stop. 

Hearing Melone whisper “eeby deeby” while kissing his way down your neck might not be the mood you’d preferred. (hearing him sigh and say “so, no head?” was pretty hilarious tho)

Ghiaccio

To your surprise, once he understands the memes and gets the references, he becomes quite good at using them as well. Steering clear of the misspelled ones, of course. (one bad gloop might actually kill him)

Ghiaccio is such a big softie once he’s alone with you, letting his guard down and finally calm, not irked or stressed by his surroundings. 

He loves it when you show him new weird pictures you saved because they made you think of him. You don’t allow him to have a smartphone no matter how much he wants it (it’ll mess up sensitive time stuff) so when you’re scrolling through your preferred meme gathering app with Ghiaccio alongside you, he’ll point out ones and snicker a “that’s you”. 

It makes your heart melt how cute he can be with the stuff he picks out. Once he actually said “you’re baby” and you felt your soul leave your precious body as his cheeks turned redder than plush tomatoes in summertime. 

When he’s around the rest of the squad or in a more public setting, the usual stressors return. But with you around to offer quick witty jokes, things tend to become less focused on irritation. 

You are 100% sure you’ve heard him yell the famous words “AM I WRONG?!” during a heated argument with Melone. You had to leave the room to prevent worsening things, holding in your laughter and silently dying as you heard him rave on. 

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH 11

“Did I meet your friends last night?” Kirby asked as he unwrapped his crunchwrap in the driver's seat.

“uuh...kinda? Like Toby was with me when I gave you the Surge but you sorta just ran off with it.” you pause as you sip a bit of your Baja Blast. “Like a fucking gremlin.”

Kirby lets out a snort and lettuce drops from his mouth. He tries to hide his messy eating behind his hand. Failing miserably, you can't help but laugh at your friend.

“Wha' bout the other two? Kieth said you ditched 'em.” For a man who was trying to cover up his mouth he sure had the audacity to try and talk with his mouth full.

“They're Toby's roommates, I haven't talked to them too much.” he nods as you speak.

“Well I promise I'll be more...together,” he makes a sort of questioning sound as he debates if that was the word he was looking for. He can't really think of anything else so he settles for 'together'. “next weekend. They are coming right?”

After a brief pause he gets his mind back in place, “This weekend, picnic's this weekend.” You chuckle.

“Toby said they'd stop by. Don't think any are really people people.”

“People people?”

“Yup” not going to let Kirby rile you up as he often tries. Not that he could with his current brain power. Sleep haze still has him in it's hold despite being “up” for about an hour now.

Out of everyone in your friend group Kirby is probably the one you're closest to. Along with being a fellow Ace he's an ambivert and you two just instantly clicked over dumb D grade monster movies. He jokes you guys must be long lost siblings. Well he only started the sibling thing because multiple Hornets or other members of the committee kept thinking you guys were dating. Since then Kirby takes to purposefully calling you some variation of sibling when he shows any type of affection. It seems even just being referenced to being in a relationship squicks him out. You don't mind though you'd always wanted an older brother and Kirby is the exact type you would've wished for. The funny dork who was super easy to get along with.

Even when he steals your nachos...like he is now.

“I'm starting to understand the Cain Instinct.” you say looking him dead in the eyes. He lets out a roar of laughter and reminds you he bought “breakfast”.

“Dad tax and all that.”

“You're not my dad! Ugly ass doodoo head.”

“Is that what that kid said? I don't think that's right.” another thing you share is constantly referencing vines or tiktok sounds.

This of course led to an argument of what the kid actually said in the vine. Both of you were determined to get home and look it up to prove the other wrong.

After your breakfast Kirby started the truck as you put all the trash into the Taco Bell bag. You switch on his stereo much to his chagrin. Kirby got a CD stuck in the radio and now the only thing he can listen to is a meme mix tape he made back in high school. It was funny the first two months for him and now he prays that the novelty will ware off on you soon.

Though it has been a few weeks since he last drove you anywhere, and what can he say Discord is always a bop.

Kirby drops you off without much fanfare, you both agree to seeing each other next week at the picnic. Is it ironic that you want to call out for him to get some more sleep? Like you are the one who's been up since five AM and it's now eleven. But you have a medical condition, Kirby is just over worked and stressed beyond Hell and back.

Getting inside you have nothing really planned for today and while you could start heading out to thrifts to find something formal for Jo's recital you really don't feel like it. Productivity wise you've already had a pretty busy weekend so no one can really judge you for taking it easy and just merging with the couch for the rest of it. Even you, you can be so tough on yourself sometimes.

British Bake Off is just the thing you need to enjoy the rest of your weekend. A calming low stress but funny baking show. Just turn your brain off and lose yourself in the soothing monotone of the judges. It's nearly six in the evening when you finally shake off your lazy day haze.

Getting up, bakers still baking, you start making a simple dinner. Fried egg on toast sounds good. Also a good balance to your supreme nacho breakfast from this morning. Dressing one slice of toast in butter and the other with butter, a little mayo, and a dash of Tabasco before placing the egg on it. You head back to eat and continue watching the competition. Your meal fills you and gives the energy you need to continue “leisureing”.

After an hour you get up and wash the dishes from earlier. And while you have no energy to actually play any of your video games right now you do want to log in for your dailies.

A quick trip to your bedroom has you grabbing your laptop before returning back to the comfort of your living room. Couch calling you to it's cozy embrace. You half pay attention to what you're doing as you set up your laptop, muscles running on muscle memory more than any conscious effort on your part. You hadn't even noticed your hands flickering across the board and logging into your email.

By the time you do realize you aren't on your game's site you see you have a new email. It's from Barclay.

'Coming to ask for my help?' you think a little too smug that you'd been right about the cooking being too much for the man.

However, that wasn't what he was messaging you about. It seems he and Leo had been talking and the old man mentioned what your plans for cooking were.

Shortie,

Leo says you're making forager's pie for the picnic. Seasons ripe for ramps and mushrooms. You in for a little adventure through new unexplored territory?

...I'm hunting some lobster mushrooms, could use a hand or two Will share the bounty. ~Barclay sent 12:04 PM

An olive branch in hopes you weren't too sore about his rejection from earlier this week. The message and sentiment is lost on you since you got over that Thursday.

The idea of new terrain makes you a bit uneasy, however lobster mushrooms were pretty good and forage finds were really rare. Barclay grew up in these woods he probably knew what he was doing, not to mention he could easily know where to find ramps. Their flavor would really up your pie game. It's settled you're in for a forage date with big foot as your guide.

Am in Big Feet. When are we going? Sent 7:20 PM

Like with most things a waiting game began, down sides to living in a radio quiet community people weren't as attached to electronics because of the limited capabilities. But now that you know Barclay is emailing you, you can check your phone more often. Shutting down your laptop you close it before sliding it under your coffee table as you slide down the couch getting comfy.

It was two hours before Barclay got back to you.

Fantastic! Does Tuesday work? ~Barclay sent 9:42 PM

Barclay must be in a rush to get those mushrooms. You'd been thinking Thursday or Friday at the latest for the freshest mushrooms. Maybe he didn't need them for the picnic but a personal project. From what Jake has told you Barclay often falls into spells of testing out new ideas with the strangest of ingredients. With varying results but mainly positive ones.

Yea sure. Meet at the lodge after my shift? Sent 9:50 PM

Perfect see you then. ~Barclay sent 9:52 PM

Oki Sent 9:52 PM

Now that that has been settled you are free to continue your chill Sunday. Losing yourself to the lulling voices of the judges you hardly notice as you drift off. Warm in your throw blanket cocoon and cozy on the plush of your couch.

You jolt up right panting after being woken up by a loud bang. Or at least you thought you'd heard a bang, Sometimes auditory hallucinations came to you in your sleep no matter how well rested you were. The room around you is dark as the light from your TV is dimmed with Netflix's 'Are you still watching?' pop up mocking you for your marathon.

Without thinking you hit 'yes' and the bake off resumes. With the brightness restored you can see your living room and hallway are completely undisturbed. An auditory hallucination must have pulled you out of sleep. Nothing more, after all your stalker wouldn't get sloppy now, it's only been three weeks.

'That you know of.' seems to whisper and embed itself in your mind.

Shaking off the worrying thought you look at your phone to see it's now quarter till one. You are hungry and don't feel like cooking. Thankfully you have emergency white castles and fries in your freezer for this exact need. Getting up you go to the kitchen to microwave your food. Popping the fries in first you decide to head to the bathroom before that becomes a problem for you.

Before you go down the hallway you do end up grabbing the bat next to the bookshelf. The whisper from earlier clearly hasn't done much to settle your nerves after your rude awakening. Protection in hand you have a little less anxiety about walking down the dark hallway. You'd have to look into installing one of those cheap wall lamps from Home Depot to help you out in situations like this. Either that or a night light in your bathroom, you can probably get the night light done quicker. Maybe Leo sells them, you'll have to check next week.

You made it back to the kitchen after your bathroom break without any surprises, real or imaginary, jumping out at you. Replacing the fries inside your microwave with sliders, you snack on a few while you wait for the rest of your meal.

It's probably paranoia but you can't blame yourself for it as you continue to keep an ear out for any sound of abnormal movement within your home, as you eat and have the bake show low enough to catch the sounds of another person. None come, and you finish your food without incident. You're willing to chalk the noise up to a hallucination and your paranoia as valid but not necessary in this moment. Without much more thought you place your empty plate on the coffee table and curl back up in your throw blanket. Just like before you don't catch yourself as you fall asleep. This time you don't wake up until your phone alarm goes off for you to start your week and head to work.

The week has been much less dramatic than last week had been. But then again it is only Tuesday and you literally have gay brunch this Sunday. There will definitely be some sort of theatrics this week. Whether they come from homosexuals or your stalker is up to God.

Then later today you'll be going foraging with Barclay. And while that isn't anything dramatic it will be an adventure and, you hope, really fun! Your excitement has been tangible all day and you couldn't hold yourself back from focusing only on the clock in the shop all day. Even giddier than normal for the strike of five. With the energy rushing through you it amped up your tics but thankfully you hadn't hurt yourself in your excitement.

Even Nate is beginning to playfully tease you about your “date” with Barclay.

Great he must've been talking to Little Jo. What is it with this family and wanting you to date the lodge owner? Do you just look like the lead in a Hallmark Christmas movie that moved to a small town in order to feel the joy of the holidays? You could definitely get into the role but you don't think Barclay would be the main love interest for you.

Honestly he'd probably be the one all the viewers cheered for but you'd personally go for the puppy dog partner that has a scarred past. You have a type and your type is emotionally wounded and needing of love. That thought had made you chuckle as you and Nate closed up the store for the day.

Nate kept looking over at you throughout the day, and when he heard you giggle to yourself at closing he couldn't help the fond smile that came over his features. He could feel how his brows lifted themselves from their normally furrowed or downward tilt. He'd have let you leave early had it not been for the new procedures Big Jo had set. It's not often that your excitement shows so visibly. It's not often that the Cowell family has seen you happy like this.

But Nate understands it's not the crush that Little Jo seems to think it is, it's something more bittersweet. It's the excitement that comes from finally waning off of being isolated for so long. And boy does Nate understand that feeling. If he had to guess Nate would say you've been alone for most of your life even if you don't act like it. You need these little hangouts with your friends. So he does his fastest close yet. You both are out the door by five after and he bids you goodnight as you head to your respective cars.

With the close tonight being so quick you made it to the lodge and parked in the half full lot just before five thirty. Getting out of your car you noticed a familiar duo sitting on the stoop of the lodge.

'Something's wrong.' is the only thought you have as you walk towards the lodge.

“Hey stranger.” the brunette looks up to you at your greeting.

In this light you can just catch the slight movement of his pupils in his dark eyes as they widen in surprise.

“oh...hey?” he seems confused to see you here. Must not be used to living in a small town yet. He'll learn soon enough that you run into everyone all the time here. Sometimes multiple times a week as it would seem.

“You good?” motioning towards the hand on the back of his neck.

“Yea, fucking Bri-an Mrrow thought I needed this.” Toby moves his hand to show an ice pack that you assume he's been holding to the back of his neck.

“Heat sickness?”

“Nah, the RV's AC busted. I can probably fix it by the end of the week.” you nod.

That makes sense, after all CIPA affects thermal regulation, at least from a basic skim. You really need to get on that deep dive to make sure you're prepared for irregular injury prevention with Toby. Speaking of, the boy in front of you is just sitting here with Connor, why? Even if he's here to get a room at the lodge why didn't he just go in? Connor is a service dog after all not like anyone could turn him away. So why was Toby just sitting out here, especially if Brian thought he needed an ice pack to the neck to keep cool?

As if the universe heard your question and decided to give you an answer, Aubrey opened the door and poked her head out.

“Thanks for letting me put up Dr. Harris Bonkers. I'll keep him in my room during your stay.” Oh that makes sense Aubrey's rabbit normally has the run of the lodge. Even if Connor's a service dog and well trained Dr. Bonkers is still a prey animal with a weak heart. Seeing Connor may have stressed the poor rabbit out, if not nearly given him a heart attack.

Her russet eyes land on you when she opens the door wider to, you assume, let Toby and Connor in. They widen and Aubrey rushes in to hug you before stopping short as if remembering you don't appreciate physical contact.

“Hey YN! I didn't know you were coming over.” She says a little awkwardly mid pose for a hug.

You won't be saving her from the situation. With a smile, that she can't see, you nod.

“Barclay's taking me foraging today.”

Aubrey nods while lowering her arms and takes a few steps back so you and Toby can enter the lodge. The large foyer of the wooden chalet always looks bigger thanks to the deep red tones in it's color palette. From the dark cherry stained wood to the red rugs and table liners. Always feels a lot warmer too, but in a homey sense not the overbearing swelter of heat sense. You can't wait to see what it's like in the winter. Probably so cozy and welcoming with a fire roaring and the murmur of residents and tourist mingling over the winter festivities. There's a swell in your chest at the thought...it seems nice, you hope you're right.

'Hope you see it.' is the dark whisper that taints your thoughts.

You notice Brian and Tim are over at the counter talking to Barclay who is nodding along sympathetically to the trio's plight. He catches your eye and motions for you to wait. You'd been planning to, after all he's currently working.

Turning to Toby you see he looks a bit paler than normal, which should be a difficult feat. Aubrey had left you both, though you aren't sure if she'll be coming back with her girlfriend Dani in a moment or not. You decide to lead Toby over to the obnoxiously plush couch in the den.

It's not like the lodge is off limits to those who aren't guests, and seeing as most of it's workers live here their friends frequently come around thus using the amenities. After sitting on the couch Toby grabs at Connor's ears and starts shaking them. He isn't being rough with them despite the jerky movements and Connor seems to lean into the pet.

Just from what you can gather it seems like Toby has some pretty bad social anxiety. You really aren't sure of what you could do to help. He calmed down at the movie night with a distraction...oh that reminds you, you fell asleep on him. Figuratively and literally.

“I'm sorry for falling asleep on you.” probably not the most tactful or elegant way of bringing this up.

Toby takes a minute to register you words. Not taking his eyes off Connor or ceasing his movements he says, “Eh.” as he gives a muted shrug and continues, “Your friend...Kirby...gave you a ride right?” He said Kirby's name like a question. You'd have to formally introduce the two at some point. Probably this weekend.

“Yea, he's sorry about being a weirdo Saturday, said he'd be more “present” this weekend.”

Toby doesn't say anything more and you let a silence fall over you two. It isn't awkward, at least to you, and you're content to just sit and wait for a while. However, it doesn't take long before Tim, Brian, and Barclay are all entering the den.

“Knew they'd be here,” Barclay says to the other two, “Sorry 'bout the wait YN, Jake's comin' down to give these guys a tour an' set them up. We'll leave when he gets down.” you nod and give the other two a muted wave 'hello'.

It isn't long before Jake is sliding down the banister and leading the group out of the room before Barclay can get on to him about his juvenile behavior. Sighing at the twenty-three year old's antics Barclay turns to you and looks at what you're wearing. Hiking boots and jeans, perfect but one thing is missing.

“C'mon let's go get duct taped.”

“Duct taped?”

“Yup, keeps ticks from climbing up you.”

So you make your way to his office where he sticks duct tape, sticky side up, around each ankle and just above and below your knees. All while explaining how if a tick started to try and climb up you the tape would make them stick and stay there. You'd end up with less ticks on your torso and hopefully none at all.

In no time the two of your were in the forest two baskets in hand and hunting for your immobile prey. The ramps were super easy to find and the first you knocked off the hunt list. Barlcay said they grow in the same area every year, knowing this you may have to come and grab some the next time they're in season. You can already taste how good your forager's pie tastes with the new earthy tones. Actual mushrooms were much harder to find, aside from the lobster mushrooms you were really only looking for some hedgehog mushrooms. They aren't rare or extremely difficult to find but you two aren't having any luck.

Barclay suggested a spot just past a little pond, and while you didn't find mushrooms you did find some Black Raspberry bushes. Not one to let ingredients go to waste Barclay starts picking some, and you grab some too. Maybe baking an easy Black Raspberry cobbler will be your consolation prize. Though Barclay isn't as placated as you are with the unexpected find. The man is still on the hunt for his lobster mushrooms. So you continue scouring the path and a little bit off it in search.

“We should head back, it's dark.” you state plainly after a few hours of searching and remaining mushroom less.

Barclay agrees, but makes the comment that he'll probably come out again in a day or two.

“If I find any I'll still give you some or helping out today.”

“It's fine I've got my treasures right here.” You shrug it off, because while you are a bit disappointed, you still have ramps and the opportunity to make cobbler. It's not all bad. Barclay on the other hand, you know, will not be letting this go so you expect he'll hand you a container of mushrooms sometime in the coming month if not this weekend.

Getting back to the lodge Barclay helps you cut off the duct tape and disposes of it and the hitch hikers you picked up. He sends you off to shower and check for stragglers before he would allow you to go home. Thankfully you had the foresight to bring a change of clothes and after retrieving them from your trunk you do as you're told.

Barclay was right you hadn't had a single tick on you and you feel much better after a shower. Getting out you already smell the alluring aroma of Barclay's kitchen. You must have taken a bit longer than you intended if he was already done with his own shower and already cooking for the lodge. Heading downstairs with your duffle bag in tow, you are stopped by Dani at the door.

You haven't seen her in a bit so the two of you catch up and have a chat. After a bit Aubrey comes in with a Tupperware container of grilled salmon and veggies over rice.

“Oh I see, you were a diversion.” you said looking at Dani as you take the container. Dani gives a sheepish smile before running off to the dinning room, and after sending you a coy smile of her own Aubrey follows after.

You know you're more than welcome to join them, but you really don't have the battery for that and just want to decompress at home.

“Thank you!” you call out into the lodge, only leaving after hearing the distant chuckles drifting through the hall.

Opening the door you run right into someone. Looking up you see Toby, but he isn't wearing a mask. Instead he's wearing a large bandage on his face to cover the hole. In his hands is a box of similar bandages. Guess if they're staying for a bit he'll need them around the others.

Should you mention the others wouldn't say anything? That this whole place was like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, but for the misfits or the weird and disowned? You aren't really sure it's your place. And you aren't really sure you're comfortable with how comfortable you've gotten with Toby. You're probably crossing some boundary by over analyzing him so much. And he doesn't even know you're doing it.

Toby knocks you out of your head when he backs away and gives you space to exit the lodge.

“Get home safe.” it falls out of his mouth so easily.

You've noticed he has a habit of saying that...why? There you go over analyzing him, you need to stop. Shaking yourself from your thoughts this time you look at Toby with a smile.

“I will...I think you'll like it here.” when you're in your car you want to slam your head on the steering wheel but Toby is still watching. Why did you say that, you're so weird.

[stayndays]

Guess Who? Character Clues

heavy spoilers in this!! you have been warned.

When I started the series, I forgot how smart stays actually are, so when I first started drafting, I left in a bunch of VERY obvious clues before 12 pm. Since posting them however, I modified the messages on the spot to make them harder to guess (hehe) so I’m glad I was able to fool you guys on at least one of the members! Here are all the guesses I counted up: (the ones in dashes are the few friend guesses, aka “who’s friends with who?”)

First of all, I want to address the easiest way you could’ve figured out which member is which. You could’ve found this out at 12 am, it was there from the start! 

It is.. the contact pictures!

Ta da!! It’s their 19 photos.

Okay maybe I shouldn’t be completely surprised that nobody saw this, but this is the STAY community, where you guys analyze every frame of an mv and creates a theory about it that somehow makes sense. No one got this?? 

Anyways, lets now do an over analysis of each clue for each member!!!!! because i’m THAT person 

#1 - Han Jisung

His assigned number is 1 = J.One 

Majoring in music production 

Wants to be a lyricist after university (can be related to his “emotional rapper” title)

A flirt

“Hyung scolded me” “I didn’t realize he actually left the dance studio” = his skz friend is Minho!

Prefers writing songs about serious topics (19)

Hyper

#2 - Kim Seungmin

Weirdly calm throughout 12 AM

“Please calm down”

s m a r t (“you can’t say your name” “i found this on a website” “dammit guys we need to figure out who her soulmate is”)

Majors in journalism (could be linked to his trainee diary) and works at a cafe (he just gives off that aura??)

MINORS IN PHOTOGRAPHY

“go away Jeongin” “wait this isn’t Jeongin” “let me ask my brother” = his skz sibling (in this case) is Jeongin! (i apologize for the inconvenience, i didn’t realize seungmin only has an older sister irl ;;)

DOESN’T LIKE #3

#3 Seo Changbin

Not a morning person

He’s just,, grumpy okay

and DARK

Works at a music studio

Prefers writing about dark topics

“Enjoys writing the occasional love song” (I originally had it drafted as him hating love songs, then On Track happened and I said “oh shit what now”)

Professional when it comes to music

Born before the 2000s (1999)

Only has two friends, but keeps in touch with one regularly (this is the confusing part where you can interpret whatever! The two friends are supposed to represent 3RACHA, but with #1 as Jisung and Chan.. you’ll see, it doesn’t work out too well. You can interpret who the regularly kept in touch friend is, whether it’s Wooyoung or someone else, but he’s actually supposed to be Hyunjin!) 

#4 = Lee Felix

I DEFINITELY have the most obvious clues for him this is gonna be fun

keeps screaming, SHARKKK

Doesn’t live in Korea (omg wow!! all of you got this nice job guys)

trusts wikipedia

Is two hours ahead of Korea, which lines up with the timezone of Sydney, Australia (did he actually live in Sydney though is the question!! because I was too lazy to look it up)

Keeps referencing memes (“im crying in the club” “ok boomer”)

“I’m staying at my buddy’s house” = his skz friend is Chan! (NO ONE GOT THIS???? YALL SAID HE’S FELIX BUT LOOKED OVER THIS?? AND PROCEEDED TO CALL #3 CHAN??? ahem excuse me)

Compares the group chat to a video game

“we need to decide if i should take the machete or the gun guys”

Alright that’s everything I could find from 12 AM - 12 PM! I’m quite impressed by you guys getting 3/4 majority correct, so great job!! 

HIMJIN STANS RISE UP

[someobscurereference]

Graceless Heart Fic (Spoiler) Notes

These are notes for my 80K Fire Emblem fic “Graceless Heart.” These notes are full of SPOILERS! Please read the fic first! Beware at your own risk!

The notes will be under a Read More. Mobile users, if it doesn’t work for you, I’m so sorry.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS BELOW:

GENERAL NOTES:

Sumeragi was at work while Corrin was saying goodbye to the Hoshido family. He already said goodbye to Corrin that morning. That’s why he doesn’t appear here.

Xander texting Inigo back a heart emoji: I don’t see Xander as an emoji person, but I think Inigo is definitely the type to use a lot of hearts and whatnot when texting. Xander would not do that on his own, but if you look at his phone, you’ll see his most used (and only) emojis are the heart ones that Inigo sends him. Because Xander is willing to mimic how Inigo shows his affection for the sake of mutual reciprocation. Plus he got made fun of for being so stiff and formal when he writes.

Dock Fight with the Trio: Owain is genuinely embarrassed and Inigo really is going to tease him with those memes, but they’re all friends. This is not a serious fight. Severa and Inigo are not being deliberate assholes here. They’re all having fun.

The book Leo is reading when Owain asks is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Everyone’s swimsuits are based on what they wear in FE Heroes as summer units or their outfits in the Beach Brawl DLC, minus Corrin, who wears a swim t-shirt on top of whatever bathing suit you imagine for them.

In a real situation where someone is drowning, you should probably not grab them the way Corrin grabs Inigo. A drowning person is very likely to harm or hinder their rescuer due to panic. I just wrote that scene a little less realistically in the fic because I didn’t want to deal with that and, like I say in the notes, I’m functioning on action movie logic. Action movies aren’t realistic.

When Corrin tells Inigo that they’ll keep his almost drowning a secret so long as he lets them know if he has health problems later and Elise tells Inigo to let them know if he has bad dreams, what Elise is actually saying is “Hey, if you start to get PTSD over this, let us know so we can help you.” But she doesn’t want to be so blunt, making this be the type of thing Inigo keeps to himself and suffers through alone, so she says “bad dreams” instead to phrase it with less stigma.

You’ll notice after Inigo’s near drowning that I mention how exhausted he feels when he’s having a freakout on the floor of his cabin, how tired he is the next morning before, during, and after the shopping trip, how he leans heavily on stuff and people, etc. His fatigue can be explained by stress and other normal things. However, it is also a result of the lake water being genuinely bad for people! Most people who go to the lake naturally get this vibe and don’t swim too far out into it/tend to visit the lake in groups or pairs so the chances of drowning decrease. (I almost wrote some of this into Anankos’s dialogue but it felt wonky and didn’t fit.). Corrin also feels this same exhaustion in subsequent scenes, although it’s emphasized less.

Likewise, when Owain and Corrin are stranded in the middle of the water, they also grow quite exhausted rather quickly because (a) the closer to the center of the lake, the more powerful the Bad Vibes that drain your energy and (b) there’s so much rain and water everywhere that as they swallow, they’re also growing more and more tired. Also, fear takes a lot out of a person in general.

Similarly, when Corrin’s foot gets grabbed on the docks, I mention a few times that their legs feel heavy, etc. This is all related to Evil Lake Energy. Severa’s almost drowning is the same deal as Inigo. Everyone who gets in the water (especially if they swallow any) experience this same lack of energy. It’s worse if you actually swallow some water right out there in the middle of the lake and you’re just more susceptible to that kind of bad magic like Anankos unfortunately was. Corrin has been through the wringer at the end of this fic because of constant exposure. They’re on nothing but bedrest for a good number of days after the end of this fic. Lots and lots of sleep for them. Owain is only mildly better in that he doesn’t have to be admitted to the hospital but does need A Lot of sleep. Rest assured that they do eventually recover though.

Elise “lying to Xander and Camilla about stuff all the time” — A reference to in-game canon about how Elise regularly ditches her retainers and goes around to the poorer parts of the city where she is explicitly forbidden to go. She’s surprisingly sneaky and has no problems not telling her siblings about this.

I paraphrased some dialogue from in-game between Leo, Niles and Owain when the latter are trying to convince Leo to swim because it mimicked a Beach Brawl DLC scene.

“Pot, kettle” = a reference to Niles canonically reminiscing about the past in his and Leo’s support. He likely does that in this AU on occasion as well.

Camilla’s SUV has 3 rows of seats because she loves the extra room for bags/extra passenger space.

Some of Camilla and Xander’s interactions and some of Xander’s narration referencing her is also a direct reference to their Supports in Fates also. In this fic, Camilla’s jab at being surprised Xander would ever notice how she felt about Severa because he’s always so busy is more a jab to get him to back off than a pride thing like in canon, but the pride is probably still there too.

Severa lives! She lived because I wanted her too (and because I cannot stand any character death in fics that isn’t like “The Villain Died Forever Ago And Maybe There’s Danger But Everyone Else Is Fine”), but it is a sort of miracle. Camilla did not do proper drowning rescue procedure here. Nobody did. I’m sure you picked up on that from the panic and flashbacks and whatnot. Everyone did their best at handling that rescue, but it wasn’t great. There is too much Panic™ to remain calm, although in real life that’s absolutely what you should try to do in an emergency. Camilla’s one (1) exchange of air is not usually going to save the life of somebody who is really in danger. The only reason it worked is because (a) Severa wasn’t really dead, although she sure looked like it and (b) this is fantasy fiction. Please call emergency services in a situation like this irl or immediately drive to the nearest hospital if there is no cell service and it’s safe to do so.

Xander’s last conversation with Inigo in this fic directly stem from his fear of (a) not being in control and (b) not being strong enough to protect those he cares about.

Originally Elise was going to be the one who figured out Anankos drowned, but somehow while writing it just didn’t work that way, mostly because she ended up stuck by the cars. Whoops. You’re the real hero in my heart, Elise.

 CHARACTER NOTES:

Owain’s insecurities stem from his Felicia and Severa supports where Owain reacts very negatively to being called weird. Also from the hc that growing up in modern AU with public school would probably emphasize that insecurity too, since kids can be real bullies. I very much picture him as the “Weird Kid” in class who was in his own little world and other kids whispered about him for it. Which is unfair, because he’s really just having fun :( By middle school/high school, he’s likely learned to tone this down a little, but only after a series of Bad Memories that make him develop a fear that everyone is just barely tolerating him or is making fun of him behind his back. It’s an infrequent insecurity because Owain is pretty good at not really caring what others think, but it’s one that exists all the same. He’s known Niles and Leo for a year or maybe two at this point, but when Leo admits (like in canon) to hating Owain when they first met, it triggers those insecurities again and sets back the progress the three of them had made in working up to a relationship together.

Corrin has a peacemaker type personality in Fates and always wants to believe the best in everyone to the point where they only seem to learn their lesson of “trust but have a backup plan” near the end of the Revelations route. I think I was mostly true to that character of Corrin in my other horror fic Dark Things Grew. And I think I was mostly true to that version of canon here until the part where Corrin and Owain are stuck in the middle of the lake together. (If you think Corrin was 100% what you expected all the way through, yay! But if not: ) Perhaps Corrin is a little more freaked out or snappier than some of you might have expected. However, I am taking some liberties with the fact this is a modern world AU here. In Fates, magic is real. Dragons are real. Ogre monsters that you can summon out of thin air to do your fighting for you (i.e. Faceless) are real. Some things are less likely than others, but there’s a whole realm of magical possibility that doesn’t exist in our reality. So when you find out that the lake your mom used to visit all the time is possessed (huh????) by a demon (?????) whose voice you are hearing in your head (???????) and also who is not a demon but actually your ghost dad (????????) who is trying to kill you and all your friends you guess (????????) but you’re not really sure what’s going on still except for the fact that oh, Ariana, we’re really in it now, aaaahhhhhhhHHHHH—

Well, you, too, would probably be a little upset. Corrin is the same at their core. They’re just allowed to go “Yo, what the heck” now. (I almost had Corrin say the F word in just their narration once and I couldn’t do it :/) They go through a lot of feelings in the climax of this fic, actually, and I hope they felt at least somewhat reasonable reactions to you, the reader, since the situation Corrin finds themselves in is so unprecedented, stressful, and wack.

Also, this is true for all characters! They’ve been mildly adapted into modern counterparts. This means some experiences that shaped them in Awakening/Fates didn’t happen here or were adapted into modern equivalents. (For example, Inigo is a little less able to run face first into battle than in Awakening/Fates bc he didn’t experience the terror and necessity of having to fight the Risen as a young kid. He still grew up shy and is a (self-admitted in Supports) crybaby who tries to hide those facets of himself, however. Hence why he feels the need to put on a brave face after Bad Things Happen. He still feels like he needs to be a pillar of support for people, although he’s a less steady than his more hardened counterpart. Similar extractions can be applied to other characters throughout this fic.

I often write Severa/Camilla as a very doting, established relationship. A lot of the time the conflict in my stories comes from some outside factor—a dragon, a war, magic, etc. I don’t write a lot of interpersonal conflict, and it’s something I thought I should try my hand at least once. Camilla and Severa’s dynamic here specifically draws from Camilla’s habit of keeping her true feelings close to her chest in her supports. In canon with Selena, she very obviously gives noncommittal answers to Selena’s demands that Camilla praise her for being the best. With Xander, Camilla lies by omission—when he guesses her favorite food wrong, she pretends he’s right for the sake of (presumably) not embarrassing him and proving he doesn’t actually know his siblings better than she does. I’m sure there are other incidents where Camilla hides her true feelings too. I’ve always wondered about these events. Emotionally, Camilla is a very interesting character to me. She has a lot of thoughts and feelings, but she seems to keep a lot of them to herself. I wish that was explored more in-game.

Here, I combined Camilla’s natural tendency to keep her true feelings to herself with her canonical childhood loneliness. She canonically felt bereft of maternal love as a child, and that’s why she tries to shower so much on Corrin. In this fic, Camilla is afraid of opening herself up to love from others. She can dole it out because she doesn’t want to deprive anyone (specifically Corrin, who was isolated a lot via Garon) of that same love, but in turn she never wants to actually be vulnerable with anyone. Family gets special privileges, but even her siblings don’t get to see everything. She has romantic feelings for Severa, but she’s afraid of opening herself up to potential hurt and having that love thrown back in her face later. So Camilla does herself the favor of not allowing herself to be vulnerable in the first place. There’s some part of her that really does want to openly love and be loved by Severa, however. So that’s the yo-yo affect Severa is dealing with throughout this fic.

Camilla knows, factually, that Severa likes her too. But she also has this defense mechanism she’s used her whole life. She wants the best of both worlds; she wants to teeter on the edge of romance/intimacy she and Severa both crave while still keeping Severa at arm’s length so she never actually has to face the danger of being potentially vulnerable with Severa and therefore hurt. Which, you know. Is shitty. (Sometimes the people you love can do shitty things. Sometimes you can do shitty things. I think Camilla’s character is more complex, realistic, and interesting here because of it. I hope you think the same.)

And Camilla keeps it up until she realizes losing Severa is still a very real possibility whether or not she admits her feelings. It’s too late to pretend otherwise. She’s already vulnerable to that hurt she wanted to avoid. The shock of that revelation, the fear of losing Severa, and also McFreaking Water Ghost is enough to get her to admit her feelings and change her behavior. It’s not all peaches and cherries from here on out for them, but it’s a start. They’re taking it slow.

Camilla isn’t a villain here, which I say because I worry some people may think I wrote her to be villainous. Sometimes the people you love have baggage. Severa has it too. So does everyone else in this fic and in your actual real life. That’s natural. Sometimes we do shit things because of that baggage. It happens. Does that mean you get an excuse for your actions? Absolutely not. Apologize. Do better. Camilla is trying. They’ll go from here.

I was trying for a lot more nuanced, complex approach to these two this time around rather than the zero interpersonal problems approach. It was new for me too. I hope it payed off.

Anyway, love wins.

A VERY BAD OUTLINE OF THE CABINS THAT I MADE IN PAINT 3D AND A FLOOR PLAN I STOLE FROM GOOGLE IMAGES 2 YEARS AGO:

 I am so sorry for the quality of this, lmao

[peachyzens]

the pact.

the pact.

genre: fluff hehe, with a tiny bit of angst? (so tiny you barely notice) summary: when things don’t go right the first time, at least you have the pact you and best friend! Jaehyun made to erase the bad memories. (4,163 words) a/n: i thought of this as i was falling asleep so lets see how it turns out! update: i found this in my drafts and finally finished it after months so it’s kind of a wild ride dslkfjaldsk masterlist can be found in my bio!

“How about I be your first kiss?” Jaehyun called out from his desk, his eyes never faltering from the textbook.

“How about no?” You responded, letting the blood rush to your brain as your head hung off the edge of Jaehyun’s bed. You looked over at your neighbor turned best friend, his upside down figure still looking as handsome as ever. At your response, Jaehyun let out an offended snort.

“Hey, what’s wrong with me? You know, that chick in our environmental class would probably faint if she heard that.” Jaehyun glanced over at you, shooting you a glare. Your lips quirked up at the thought of the girl, always behind you two and shooting deadly stares into your head but loving ones into Jaehyun’s. She would always pester him for help, and disregard you whenever you had the answer just because she wants to hear it from Jaehyun.

“I mean, other than the fact that people would put an even higher bounty on my head, I’ll pass. Anyways, I’m sure it’ll happen sometime, I’m just getting impatient.” You let out a sigh, lifting up your head to just fully lie on Jaehyun’s bed. There was always something really warm and comforting about it, you just never knew what it was.

“You know, you can’t always wait for things to happen. They might never happen without any action.” Jaehyun finally tore his gaze away from the textbook, swiveling in his chair to look at you.

“Yeah, yeah, I need to do more blah, blah, blah. Fine, how about you be my ‘first kiss’ if my actual first kiss ends up terrible?” You sat up, signaling air quotes around the first kiss part. With a hand resting under his chin and a quirked eyebrow, Jaehyun signaled at you to continue. “What I’m saying is, I go get my first kiss! And if it ends up being completely terrible, I’ll take you up on that offer to be my first kiss. Just to erase the bad memories you know, I want my first experience to be a good one.” You let out a dreamy sigh, staring into space as your mind imagines the perfect scene.

You’re taking a nice stroll in the park, hands interlinked with someone you’ve come to love. He pauses, causing you to look up at him with confusion. He lets out some spiel about how much he loves and adores you, making your cheeks flare and heartbeat pick up. And then, he leans it, and just like the scene out of a fairytale, his kisses you sweetly, just like you’re in a dream.

You were interrupted from your little daydream at the sound of Jaehyun clearing his throat. “You know, it’s not that deep. But sure, I guess.” He shrugs. Your eyes light up, feeling a new adrenaline rising in your veins.

“Great, it’s a plan. Spit shake on it?” You held up your hand, lips curling into a smirk. With a roll of his eyes, Jaehyun follows your actions as the both of you spit into your hands before shaking them.

“I still never understand why you do this, it’s disgusting.” Jaehyun grumbles, leaving to go wash his hands.

“Hey! It seals the deal!” You called out, chasing after him.

Bursting into Jaehyun’s room, your breathless as you ran straight from your house. “Woah, did you bring a whole stampede or is it just you?” Jaehyun asked, amused at your disheveled appearance. He was calmly typing up his essay when you suddenly bursted in.

“You know that really cute senior guy everybody gushes about?” You spoke up, finally regaining enough air in your lungs to speak.

“There are several but go on.” You rolled your eyes, but settled yourself on his bed regardless.

“Nakamoto Yuta, the hot transfer from Japan with a lot a piercings.” You told him, watching as the gears turned in Jaehyun’s head before he nodded, signaling for you to continue. “Anyways, he followed me on instagram!” You cheered, heart beating fast at the fact as you thrashed on Jaehyun’s bed like an excited child. Jaehyun could only roll his eyes at you.

“And? I’m sure he follows everybody, he’s a pretty popular guy,” Jaehyun turned around, hands beginning to type his essay again.

“Yeah, but does everybody else get a personal dm from him?” You smirked, officially regaining Jaehyun’s attention as he turned to face you with his jaw dropped.

“Let me see that,” Jaehyun quickly put himself beside you, grabbing at your phone. You tried to fight back, but Jaehyun’s longer and more powerful arms won that battle. “Hey cutie, I’ve seen you around school, winky face, can I get a snap, smirky face?” Jaehyun read aloud with disgust. Feeling your face burning at the message being read aloud, you wrestled Jaehyun to regain your phone. You pouted as Jaehyun’s laughter rang throughout the room, suddenly feeling embarrassed at Yuta’s message to you.

“Hey! Shut up, will you? Can’t I be happy that someone called me cute and asked for my snap?” You continued pouting as Jaehyun’s laughters calmed down and he put a reassuring arm around your shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry bud, it’s just that it’s kind of random you know? And I don’t want to assume, but I’m pretty sure you’re not the only girl who got that message. Haven’t you seen him in like three different relationships the past month?” Jaehyun patted your shoulder, hands reaching up to pinch your cheeks as you sulkily batted his hands away.

“Yeah, you’re right. But hey, who knows? Maybe he is trying to change his ways, maybe I could be the one for him,” you stared off into space, that same dreamy look appearing on your face. Jaehyun could only sigh at your lovesick state, already planning in case of a disaster.

“He replied to my stories! He even responded to the memes I referenced in them and wow, I never knew someone other than you could do that! He even sent me this really cute meme on instagram, don’t you think that’s kind of personal?” You gushed endlessly over lunch to Jaehyun, who would only grunt disinterestedly in response. “Not to mention the new selfies he posted, wow, he’s just unbelievable,” you finished with a content sigh, eyes staring off into space. Jaehyun could only roll his eyes at your lovesick state, it’s been a little over two weeks since Yuta first messaged you, and now he is all you can talk about.

“Anyways, do you think you can come to the class meeting this Thursday? I have to bring someone at least once every semester, and I think that meeting would be the most painless for you.” Jaehyun asked, fork pushing around the contents on his plate as his appetite suddenly disappeared.

“Yeah of course, just send me the time and I’ll be there-oh my god Yuta is approaching! Do I look fine? My hair’s not all kinds of crazy is it?” You panicked to Jaehyun, who could only roll his eyes at his panic and respond with “you look fine.”

“Hey, y/n.” Yuta said, smoothly sliding into the spot next to you.

“Hey Yuta, what’s up?” You responded with a tone Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at, not used to seeing you in this state.

“So, I heard there’s this new fair thing on Thursday, you down to go?” Yuta asked, hand reaching up to fix a piece of stray hair out of your face. You could only feel flustered at his action, feeling your cheeks heat up and heartbeat go faster.

“Y-Yeah! Sure, I have no plans that day!” You responded, excitedly to which Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at.

“Actually-” Jaehyun spoke up before being interrupted.

“Perfect, I’ll pick you up around 5 cutie? I’ll text you the deets later, yeah? Anyways, gotta run to soccer practice, see you around.” Yuta responded with the smirk everybody went crazy over, including you. You could barely mutter a goodbye as he was already making his way out of the cafeteria.

“Oh my god Jaehyun, Yuta just asked me on a date!” You nearly screamed, finally coming back to your senses. Jaehyun could only poke at his food with a bit more strength, his appetite lost more than ever.

“Yeah, which you agreed to despite just agreeing to attend the class meeting the same day,” he muttered, lips slightly forming into a pout. A dawn of realization hit you, and you groaned.

“That’s right, sorry Jae, when’s the next one? I promise you, I’ll go to that one no matter how possibly boring it could be!” You looked up to Jaehyun with your puppy eyes, knowing he normally falls easily at them. Jaehyun shook his head and refused to meet your eyes.

“It’s fine, I’ll make Sicheng go with me or something.” He mumbled.

“I’m sorry Jae, I owe you one.”

The Thursday of your dreams and of Jaehyun’s nightmares finally came. You were in a call with Jaehyun, him being at school still for the meeting and you at home, preparing your date with Yuta.

“Do you think I should wear a dress? Or does that scream over the top? How about makeup, should I try to put a little on or do you think I’ll look like a drag queen?” You rambled on, searching through your closet as Jaehyun remained on speaker.

“Honestly, I would say dress as you would for any day. If he likes you, then he would like you no matter however you’re dressed. That goes for makeup too, I don’t think you should try it when we all know you’ll end up a disaster with it.” Jaehyun’s bored voice responded.

“You’re right! Alright, well I’m going to get ready now, enjoy your meeting, yeah?” You walked over to the phone, holding it up to your ears before Jaehyun hangs up.

“Yeah, you have fun too alright? And if anything goes wrong, I’m just a call away.”

“Of course Jae, love you!” You said before hanging up, turning back to your closet.

Jaehyun on the other hand, felt his heart racing at your final words. He was sitting on a bench outside the cafeteria, where the meeting was going to be held, with Sicheng scrolling through his phone beside him. “Was that y/n?” He asked

“Yeah, she’s going on a date with Yuta tonight.” Jaehyun replied, his chest unknowingly filled up with worry at the thought.

“You know he’s not good for her, right?” Sicheng replied, eyes lifting off his screen to check Jaehyun’s reaction.

“Yeah, honestly I never got good vibes from him, but she’s crazy over him and what position am I in to keep her away from that?” Jaehyun sighed, hands running through his hair.

“You’re insanely obvious about your feelings, by the way,” Sicheng turned back to his screen with a smirk.

“W-what? No! She’s just my best friend, and of course I would care deeply for her!” Jaehyun argued back.

“Yeah that’s true, but do you realize how your whole aura changes around her? When you were on the phone with her you had the expression of a dejected, lovesick puppy, and when she hung up your whole body deflated. So I won’t believe whatever you say, because your actions speak otherwise.” Jaehyun couldn’t argue against Sicheng’s words, because he himself knew they were true.

“Keep this between us, yeah?” Jaehyun finally spoke up, knowing he couldn’t deny his heart any further. He couldn’t even pinpoint where his feelings started, it just appeared out of nowhere. He just noticed that nowadays, when you would wrap your arms around him or hold his hand, his heartbeat would increase. Not to mention with Yuta in the picture now, he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that there was another guy taking up your time, although he knew he shouldn’t be.

“Of course, just don’t let yourself get hurt so hard.” Sicheng could only look at his friend with a look of pity.

You took one last look into the mirror, checking your outfit for any last mistakes. You settled on wearing some of your favorite ripped jeans along with a graphic tee and flannel, something you would wear on a daily. You decided to spend a bit more time on your hair, leaving it in a half up-half down look. You were just putting your earrings on when you heard your doorbell ring, signaling Yuta’s arrival. You quickly grabbed your purse along with your phone, shooting yourself one last look in the mirror before running down the stairs.

“Hey,” You greeted Yuta as you locked the door behind you. He leaned against the wall, lazily scrolling through his phone. Upon hearing your voice, he quickly locked his phone before greeting you with a smile.

“Hey cutie, still looking as cute as ever. Ready to go?” He smiled, never failing to make your heart race.

“Lead the way!” You giggled as he held your hand, pulling you to his car. Just like the gentleman you imagined, he held the door open for you before closing it after you got in. Once inside the car, he offered you the aux, to which you happily accepted. You played one of your favorite artists, the 1975, before drifting your attention out the window as you happily bobbed your head.

“The 1975 huh?” Yuta spoke up, causing you to turn to face him.

“Yeah, they’re one of my favorite artists! How about you?” You asked excitedly. Jaehyun introduced them to you, and ever since, you have been obsessed with them. They ended up being the favorite artist of you and Jaehyun, the both of you constantly arguing about their superior song.

“Not a fan, honestly. I’m more of a Twenty One Pilots fan.” He responded, a bit uninterested. You felt your smile falter a bit, as you weren’t a big fan of Twenty One Pilots, another similarity you and Jaehyun shared.

“Ah, I see.” You responded, naturally changing the music to something the both of you could possibly enjoy. The atmosphere in the car changed following the awkward exchange, and you could only hope the rest of your night wouldn’t be like this.  

Finally arriving at the fair, Yuta parked the car and bought the tickets for your entry, much to your disagreement.

“I can pay for myself, you know.” You said to Yuta as he came back after buying the tickets.

“Now, what kind of terrible date would I be if I didn’t pay for you? How about I propose you a deal, loser at these games gets to pay for the other’s meal.” He smirked, to which you agreed.

“Fine, but you better try! I don’t want to see you purposefully losing,” you scolded in a playful manner.

“Don’t worry cutie, but I don’t want to hear you being sad after I crush you in these games,” Yuta grabbed your hand before pulling you to your first game with a wink, one that made you blush.

Just as you thought, Yuta would be winning the games at first before “messing up” the last second resulting in his final loss. When you would call him out on it, he would cheekily shrug before urging you to pick your prize. After several rounds of games, the both of you finally decided to grab something you eat. Yuta ushered you to sit down as he went to get the food, claiming it was the “loser’s duty.” You couldn’t help roll your eyes, knowing he was more than capable of beating you in every single games. Either way, his persistence to not let you pay made your heart flutter a little bit.

You lazily scrolled through your phone, waiting for Yuta to return with the food. After a while of waiting, you locked your phone and searched for Yuta, wondering what was taking him so long. You saw him standing by the food counter, but not alone. You felt your heart slightly crumble seeing him chat with another girl, standing too close to him and leaving flirty touches on his arm. You knew you two weren’t anything exclusive, but seeing him act the same way with a different girl on a date between you two, you couldn’t help but feel your heart break. Upon hearing his order get called, he finally broke away from the conversation, but not before slipping the girl his phone to what you could assume was to input her name. He shot her a wink before finally heading back to the table you were sitting at, as you sat there with anger flaring in your chest.

“Took you a little while, huh?” You brought up nonchalantly, sipping at the soda he brought you.

“Yeah, the kitchen seem pretty backed up.” He shrugged, acting as if his conversation with this unknown girl didn’t happen. You nodded, starting to eat at your food despite having lost your appetite. Yuta did not seem to notice your change in attitude, happily enjoying his food and keeping up a conversation with you despite your disinterest.

“Now that we’re full, ready for some more games?” He turned to you with a smile, one you couldn’t find yourself to return anymore.

“Actually, Yuta, I think I want to go home. Sorry, but I just don’t feel good anymore,” you muttered sheepishly, wanting to let him off as lightly as possible.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to take you to the doctor’s or something?” He asked with worry in his voice, one you couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not.

“No, it’s fine. You can just take me home.” You responded, fiddling with your fingers as he nodded. Ever since the whole exchange you noticed, you couldn’t help but think about Jaehyun’s warnings the first time Yuta approached you. You hate to say it, but he was right, old habits die hard.  

The car ride back to your house was painfully awkward, with Yuta finally realizing how uninterested you were in this date. You hated to be the party pooper, but you were too hurt by his actions to even act interested anymore.

“Thanks for the ride Yuta, and thanks for taking me out of the house for once-”

“Hey, look at me,” Yuta interrupted your goodbyes as you were ready to quickly dash into your house. You turned to face Yuta, your heart slightly faltering at his dejected look. “I don’t know what I did for your attitude to change throughout the night, but I’m sorry,” he reached up a hand to gently hold your cheek, one you could feel burning at the sudden intimacy. “I hope I can fix this,” he muttered finally before leaning in.

You felt your eyes widen at his sudden close proximity, his eyes slowly closing as he approached your face. Your head wanted to run out of the car so badly, but your heart made you keep still, having softened at his apology. Soon enough, you felt his lips on yours, your eyes still open as your whole body just froze. You couldn’t react, and just remained there frozen, with his lips on yours. Awkwardly pulling away, Yuta finally opened his eyes again with an awkward smile. “I’ll see you at school, yeah?” You awkwardly laughed, before letting yourself out the car and quickly walking inside the house. You pulled your phone of your pocket before dialing Jaehyun’s number, quickly peeking outside the house to make sure Yuta drove away.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jaehyun answered.

“Are you home? I’m coming over, god that was the most awkward moment of my life,” you responded, opening the door to let yourself out as you quickly made your way to Jaehyun’s front door. You hung up, seeing Jaehyun already waiting for you at the door.

“So, how did it go?” He asked, waiting for an earful from you. You merely sighed as you made your way towards his room, Jaehyun right behind you.

“Good at first, until I saw him flirting with some other chick.” You groaned at the thought as you threw yourself onto his bed.

“Woah, he what?” Jaehyun asked, slightly angered for you.

“He was being the perfect date and all, paying for my things before we agreed that whoever would lose the most games would pay for the meal, and he purposefully lost. We were having a really good time, but then I guess I messed it up.”

“I’m sure you did not mess it up, but go back to when he flirted with some other girl. Right in front of you? God, I knew he wasn’t good news,” Jaehyun paced around the room, a habit he had when he was angry.

“I mean, it wasn’t right in front of me, I just happened to see it. I looked over at him waiting for the food and just saw him flirting with this girl, he even gave her his number after it.” You sighed. “Calm down Jae, it’s not that deep.”

“It is that deep! How dare he flirt with another girl when he has you there with him? He obviously does not see your value y/n, he doesn’t deserve you.” Jaehyun nearly shrieked, appalled at what you were telling him. Hearing his words somehow managed to dissipate the previous anger from Yuta’s antics.

“Anyways, after that my mood just went downhill and I asked him to take me home because I didn’t feel good-“

“Oh my god and now you’re sick? What are you doing here then when you should be at the hospital? Get up we’re going-“ Jaehyun interrupted you.

“Jae! I’m not actually sick! I just said it so I could end the date faster. And can you stop pacing and calm down? I’m not even that mad over it anymore, and you seem to be more mad than I ever was. Plus, your pacing is making me dizzy.” You rolled your eyes, before scooting to the side of the bed before patting it for Jaehyun. After taking a few deep breaths, Jaehyun lied down in the spot next to you, reassuring that he was now calm enough for you to continue.

“So the whole car ride home was painfully awkward, oh yeah, and I forgot to mention we were slightly off to a bad start because he said he wasn’t a fan of the 1975 and that he’s a bigger fan of Twenty One Pilots, could you believe that?” Jaehyun snorted at your comment, ready to retort before you started talking again. “And then when I was ready to bolt out of his car, he said some mushy stuff to me and,” you paused for a second, groaning at the cringe fest happening inside your brain. “he kissed me. God, it was the most awkward experience ever, I couldn’t move the whole time! It was like kissing a fish, god that was terrible.”

“Oh my god-“ Jaehyun’s heavy laughters soon echoed around the room as he couldn’t even finish his thought. “I’m kind of interested on what mushy stuff he said to you though, probably something about how your eyes shine brighter than the moon or something,” he snorted.

“Hell no, I probably would’ve thrown up right then and there. But no, he was apologizing for supposedly ruining my attitude. Sweet and heartfelt, I guess.” You shrugged.

“At least he knows,” Jaehyun rolled over on his side to face you, you following suit. The both of you just stared at each other in comfortable silence. Jaehyun could feel his heart start racing, while you also felt an unusual but pleasant feeling arising in your gut. “Hey, do you remember that pact we made, like two months ago?” Jaehyun asked in a much softer voice, one that relaxed you.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I think it’s time for me to follow through with my end of the deal.” He responded, eyes reflecting an unreadable emotion.

“What do you-“ You were interrupted by the feelings of Jaehyun’s lips on yours. Unlike the kiss with Yuta, you felt your eyes fluttering shut, your heartbeat increasing at the new emotions arising in your chest. You always knew that you had a special spot for Jaehyun in your heart, but it seems like this kiss cemented that spot. You felt yourself responding to his kiss, as his hand reached up to gently hold your cheek, as if you were made of glass.

Before his feelings could go out of control, Jaehyun pulled away, but with his hand still resting on your cheek. He could only stare at your face in awe as your eyes slowly drifted open; he could only think of the word “beautiful” to describe you.

“Remember when I said I would erase the bad memories of your first kiss?”

“Yes,” your mind drifted back to the pact you and Jaehyun made, all the pieces coming into place.  

“Well forget all about him, and focus only on me.”

[sleepyfan-blog]

Can i request a ds errink extra angst.:333

Fandom: Dreamswap by @onebizarrekai

Characters and pairing: DS Ink, DS Error, DS Dream, DS Errink

Warnings: referenced kidnapping, implied brainwashing, cursing

Word count: 1,694

Summary: Dream, having noticed that his best assassin is distracted, helps to rectify the issue.

“-and Ink, once this meeting is concluded, I would like you to stay behind for a few moments. There is something that I would like to show you.” Dream said, addressing his best assassin, looking directly at the other for a moment, before continuing to speak with the group of investors, talking about the opportunities that their G had brought to several disadvantaged timelines that Justice Reigns had recently come into contact with. Fell timelines were always tricky to deal with, but as their leader - an Undyne - had mysteriously dusted a couple of weeks before Dream had approached them, their world in even more chaos, promising peace and freedom from their underground prison, in exchange for cooperation and adherence to JR’s laws and guidelines.

“Yes boss.” Ink answered flatly, barely glancing up at the taller skeleton before staring at his phone some more. He was incredibly bored and still had no idea why that Dream insisted that he went to these things It wasn’t as if any of the people who paid assloads of G and magical items into Justice Reigns would suddenly try to stab the CEO… Or one another. Even if most of them were in it for the money and opportunities that being able to expand their own businesses into new timelines, and because it looked good to the adoring masses to be so closely associated to the multiversal justice bringers. If they had any idea of even half of really what went on, well… Ink mentally shook himself, Dream would probably be able to spin things so that the public would still eat out of the palm of his hands, anyways. Besides, everyone who knew anything about the organization was aware of their no-mercy policy towards criminals.

His phone buzzed almost silently, and Ink was glad that his phone was on silent - as strictly speaking - the only person who should have this number is Dream - along with whoever temporarily has it if he has to work with someone on a mission. It was his boyfriend - Error. The other sent him a picture of a half-created knit creation of some kind (it looked like a… Blanket? Maybe? It looked too big to be a shirt or socks) and a cheerful message of [I’m almost done with this section! I’m going to be using that yarn that you got me a couple of months ago - it really is very gorgeous. Do you know when you’ll be able to stop by again? I miss you.]

Ink was very glad that his scarf covered his mouth - as otherwise everyone else in the room would have noticed him suddenly smile as he looked at his phone - and Dream would ask why and he’d have to come up with some bullshit excuse - like he was looking up a meme to troll the other with later or something like that. Which had about a fifty-fifty chance of flying past the powerful empath’s radar. He didn’t know that his eye lights gave him away - both of them hearts, one upside down, the other right side up, one pink the other yellow.

The boring as shit meeting eventually came to an end - after a truly mind-numbing amount of blather and as-kissing on the part of the investors. How Dream had managed to convince so many people that the son shone directly out of his ass, Ink could only guess. Then again, the other’s aura was incredibly effective at getting other people to trust him. Ink himself had been completely under Dream’s spell for much longer than he would have liked to admit, before Error, Cross and Nightmare had grabbed him and smacked his head on straight…

He’d fallen head over heels for Error a couple of weeks after that, during a fight in which he and several other members of JR had been sent after them, to try and capture three of the most wanted criminals in the multiverse. Error was an impressive fighter and a complete nerd. Ink had acted on impulse and accidentally splattered his JR compatriots with paint meant to bind the person or people hit with it, and had rushed over to free them, conveniently allowing the three criminals time to escape. That had been a little over a year from now.

“Ink, if you would follow me to my office?” Dream prompted him, the other’s aura feeling… Strange to him.

Ink nodded and answered back with some reluctance “Yes boss.” He hoped that he would get another mission soon - that way he could spend a couple of hours with Error. If he was lucky, it would be a longer mission and he might even get a couple of days without it seeming to be suspicious. He felt one of Dream’s hands land on his left shoulder as soon as the investors were out of sight, and the other teleported the both of them to-

Just outside of the holding cells. Specifically the section that housed the very dangerous, highly powerful criminals who Dream was either trying to work on in order to convert them to his side… Or to keep in power-restricting cuffs until the R&D people found out how to kill them. “Uhh… Boss? This isn’t… This isn’t your office.”

“No, it’s not. Then again, you haven’t been entirely truthful with me, have you, Ink?” The winged guardian responded, staring intently at Ink, folding his arms over his chest and staring the soulless being down.

“I… Uhhh… Wh-what do you mean by that, boss?” Ink answered, hesitant. There were all sorts of things he was lying to Dream about. Which lies had he been caught out on? Was the other about to try to throw him in jail? Because if so, the other was going to have a hell of a fight on his hands, as he wasn’t about to just waltz into custody.

“You have been delaying the completion of your missions in order spend time with someone. You have been romantically entangled with this person for at least a year, and have been spending increasing amounts of time with them. If you had simply told me of your interest in this person in the first place, you would not have felt the need to sneak around behind my back. Even if they are a wanted criminal. Or, well. Were a wanted criminal. I’ve fixed that little issue.” Dream responded, raising a browbone at the other before gesturing to the guards on the other side of the door.

Between four heavily armed guards was Error. The other looked at Ink and smiled warmly at him, the half-created blanket dangling from his needles as they clicked quietly. His clothes were… Different than before. They looked almost the same, but something was definitely off about them. Error’s eye lights brightened at the sight of him and he swiftly walked over to Ink, reaching out and lightly touching one of his shoulders briefly before stopping and saying “Hello, beloved! How are you?” There was something slightly… Off about the way Error said that, and his eye lights seemed to be partially fuzzed out.

“E-Error?” Ink managed out, staring at his boyfriend, desperately trying to understand what had happened. There was no way that the other would be so calm normally. He looked up at Dream and managed to ask without stammering (don’t show weakness, Ink, keep it together!) “Uh… Boss? Wh… How?” and gestured at his boyfriend. Oh fuck what did Dream do?

“You have, against all odds, might I add, as you are soulless, fallen in love with someone. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? I am the guardian of positivity after all. As for Error, he’s been under the protection of Justice Reigns for the past few months, and in that time I and others… Worked with him, in order to ensure that he would no longer be a dangerous outlaw, but rather a fitting significant other for someone as highly ranked within my organization as you are.” Dream explained, a small smirk appearing on his face “And you needn’t worry about his two accomplices and friends. I have been working on them as well. Nightmare is a great deal more stubborn, but Cross on the other hand… Cross has some interesting properties of his soul that have allowed me to… Convince him to our side. Not that he hasn’t fully capitulated yet to my satisfaction. Now, off with the both of you. There are several fantastic restaurants within easy walking distance of Justice Reigns, and I want the both of you to enjoy being able to openly spend time with one another.”

What else could he do or say? If he reacted explosively, things would very quickly go to shit - he could see dozens of guards around them. So instead all he said was “Yes boss, thank you. Come on Error, let’s go on an actual date for once.”

“That sounds wonderful, darling…” Error murmured, his voice still distressingly spacy “I am very grateful to Lord Von Licht for showing me the error of my ways… Stars only know how worried you must have been about what I was up to, when we were apart. I’m sorry for worrying you so much.”

Fuck. Fuck he’d never thought this would have happened “I… Err… Shit, Error. I’ve wanted to cause some chaos in my time too. I just didn’t…” Didn’t want him to get hurt or killed by JR. Stars above what the actual hell did they do to him? Ink hoped that away from the cell and the torture, Error would come back to himself. The two of them walked through JR, Ink hovering close. If Error wasn’t haphephobic, Ink would be holding one of the other’s hands. As it was the assassin stayed as close to his beloved as he knew wouldn’t make the other uncomfortable and tried not to openly glare at every single being the two of them came across as they left the main part of Justice Reigns. The whole damn AU belonged to Dream - and from what the other had said… It was implied that Dream didn’t want the two of them leaving this AU together.

[riviae]

Regis and/or Dettlaff for the character headcanon meme (ya know, if a hundred others haven't already asked lol)

character meme (accepting!): under a read more due to length 

Regis: 

favorite thing about them:

besides his obvious kind heart & unflinching loyalty, i love how passionate he is about things!! dude’s been alive for 400+ yrs & he still wants to travel, to make friends, to learn, to teach, to heal, to share his interests & knowledge. he loves life–loves humanity (cdpr can miss me w/ his referencing humans as mosquitoes metaphor nonsense)–& is my favorite example of a good redemption story/character. 

least favorite thing about them: 

he can be… rather pretentious at times. but to his credit, he never really belittles or alienates anyone in the hansa–it’s more like he has a lot of ‘high-brow’ interests for the time/setting (not counting distilling, of course) & in sharing/explaining them, he goes a bit over the top. i don’t think it’s on purpose, but case in point… not everything has to be a lecture, ya know? 

favorite line: 

kinda cheating on this, but my favorite scene of anything ever is this one from lady of the lake: 

“Well,” sighed Regis. “Have it your way. I’ll have to avoid mirrors and dogs, and will have to beware of sorcerers and telepaths… And if I’m still exposed, I’m counting on you.”“You can count on me,” Geralt said seriously. “I’m not in the habit of leaving a friend in need.”The vampire smiled and because they were alone, he did not hide his fangs. “Friend?”

now specifically from b&w, i like this line from Regis’ journal: People justify bad deeds by good intentions. I’m not sure if there is greater idiocy

brOTP: 

geralt/regis (which you’ll also see in the otp section), regis/yen (goth-nerd solidarity & also they both love geralt so jot that down), & regis/angouleme (he’s a wonderful uncle figure to angouleme)

also if regis ever got to meet vesemir i’m 100% sure they’d have gotten along swimminglg

OTP: 

geralt/regis–it’s my lifeblood babey

nOTP: 

romance-wise, any regis/hansa member that isn’t geralt is just not my cup of tea as well as regis/dett****

random headcanon

after his second regeneration, he became wearier around unknown sorcerers/sorceresses/magic users (w/ the exception of yen). at one point, geralt had decided to light a candle near regis using igni w/o really thinking abt it & noticed that regis had visibly flinched. geralt apologized immediately & now lets regis know when he’s abt to light something using magic (’normal’ fires, those not started by magic, don’t bother him. so it’s less of an aversion to fire & more of an aversion to fire made thru magic).

unpopular opinion: 

i don’t really like his sideburns or hairline–not bc i think the design is bad per se (i think it solidified his intro in b&w as a more scholarly character), but bc i think it ages him much more than necessary. when the other 2 higher vampires (dettlaff, orianna, hell–even the unseen elder), look much younger, then it just seems unusual imo. a middle-aged tax collector w/ a crooked nose is how sapkowski describes him & idk, i think cdpr just wanted to give regis a more stereotypical scholarly look instead of using descriptions from the books. 

song i associate with them:

when i’m in an angst™ mood, this song is what makes me think of regis (& higher vampires in the witcher series in general). it’s called far from home (the raven) by sam tinnesz 

favorite picture of them (i’m too lazy to do this but assume every picture of regis is my fave)

Dettlaff: 

favorite thing about them

his hobbies! woodworking & building toys for kids is nice™; cdpr should’ve at least given us a tiny scene of him tinkering on stuff. presumably he has a caring nature given that he nursed regis back to health but once again, cdpr couldn’t be bothered to flesh out the interesting aspects of his character & instead gave us an albeit cool but ultimately unnecessary boss battle :/ 

least favorite thing about them

oof, his lack of patience & propensity towards violence. well, perhaps propensity is the wrong word; i mean that in a character who is powerful/deadly (in which even a brief lapse in judgement could mean death for another), a hair trigger temper is... not going to endear me to them. for instance, i don’t think that dettlaff went to tesham mutna with the intent of killing syanna--i don’t think he knew himself what he would do upon seeing her. BUT, he still did it--& i’m sorry but killing an unarmed/defenseless (presumably unarmed, but even if she were armed it wouldn’t change the fact that she was defenseless against him & dettlaff knew that) woman in a fit of rage (who yes, wronged dettlaff greatly) speaks of a deeper problem relating to his inability to process his emotions. 

i originally thought that cdpr was going to do some cool parallels between dettlaff and geralt bc both have issues w/ emotion but in different ways (i.e., dettlaff has difficulty controlling his while geralt has trouble expressing them), but they shared maybe a handful of sentences w/ each other before the conclusion of the dlc so yeah D: 

favorite line: 

“If you acknowledge any gods... start praying, now.” 

brOTP: 

regis/dettlaff is pretty much it/the only relationship i find interesting in b&w for dett anyway 

OTP: 

dettlaff/character development 

nOTP: 

mentioned in regis’ list above, but i also am not a fan of geralt/dett

random headcanon: 

his “pack” up until syanna consisted almost entirely of orphaned lower vampires. whether due to their family dying or abandoning them, dett’s reserved & calming demeanor makes it easier for LVs to trust him. he’s nursed plenty of injured LVs back to health & when he passed thru the remnants of stygga castle, he did so bc he originally thought that he was following the trail of an injured LV (having caught regis’ scent). it was only when he got closer that he recognized the ‘shapeless smear’ was regis--someone he hadn’t seen in centuries--& chose to help him heal despite how taxing it would be. 

unpopular opinion

i don’t understand his popularity as a character or how his actions can be defended. his character design is great (i still wanna to buy his moth brooch tbh), he was voice acted very well, & there are hints of an interesting backstory esp in relation to why he chose to help regis regenerate, but that’s not the focus of the dlc. 

if i have to rely on regis to explain why dettlaff is a good person/deserves redemption/etc., then that’s lazy writing. i love regis to death, but he, like anna henrietta, was blind to/didn’t want to see his loved one’s faults/misdeeds. u can’t make an unbiased character judgement on someone you’re close to and indebted to imo. 

granted, regis himself is an example of dett’s charity since he is alive & well (& also is stressed af bc of dettlaff), but does one good deed wash away all the death he later commits in the attack on beauclair? motivation or not, murder is murder, plain & simple. i can forgive but not condone regis’ actions in his youth bc, arguably, regis was already punished severely for it & chose to change/become a better person. cdpr didn’t give us an option to allow dett to be punished for his crimes (in something other than death--which i don’t think he nor syanna deserve) or let us know if he eventually grows to be a better person w/ the help of regis & so i can only care for him in the respect that i mourn the character he (& syanna) could’ve been. 

in summary: everything i dislike abt dettlaff is entirely due to a lack of care when it came to fleshing out his character. we only see him committing acts of violence/murder, never healing or helping. we see the fallout of his anger, see that he feels grief & even remorse (like in de la croix’s death), but it doesn’t excuse the act itself. ppl are more than welcome to like or love morally dark/dubious characters, but i have an issue when a morally dubious character is painted as good or good but misunderstood. 

song i associate with them

the song inferno by sir sly gives me real dettlaff vibes: I think you clipped my wings to save me from the sunForgot my hands and knees, I had to learn a lessonOh fearless teacher how'd I ever lose my sightWhy'd I ever try to fight against your path?Somewhere at half my life, I wandered in the woodsCan't find a single right, I swear nothing is goodI'm blinded now and darkness shrouds my every sightWhy'd I ever try to fight for my own path?

favorite picture of them: 

once again, too lazy to find one, but his final form in the boss battle was cool even if it kinda went against sapkowski’s lore.

[dont-doubt-dopple]

Stuck In Your Head (Brycenoss)

Stuck in Your Head (Brycenoss)

Soulmate AU Prompt I saw off @drowning-in-fandoms on Tumblr and took my own spin on. I should be doing other things, but this works. At least I’m not dead. Also, sorry if the title appears twice. I posted this on mobile, but had to go to the website to add the Keep Reading line. Enjoy!!

~•~ In this world, soulmates exists. And not in the hypothetical way. Not that I don’t believe in soulmates; if you find yours that’s amazing. I just don’t believe one should actively search for said soulmate otherwise you’d probably end up living out the end of your days surrounded by cats.

Anyways, back to the topic. In this alternate universe, soulmates are connected by ear. Music that is listened to by one is heard by the other, no matter where. So one person could be halfway across the world and the other one could hear it. It was hard, definitely, to find one’s soulmate even though every one assured it was worth it in the end. Evan didn’t find out about the connection soulmates have until 4th grade. Prior to it, his parent had him taking “special medication” to prevent “headaches”. It was actually his friends that told him about it. Evan still remembers it. Anthony, or Panda, gave him exposure to it, coming in to the lunch room with a splitting headache. “Dudes, my soulmate keeps playing All Star at 3:00 in the morning.” He whined, the bags under his eyes apparent. He slammed his head into his notebook, and Tyler followed up by rubbing his back in comfort. “I’m tempted to play the most distorted song I can find and blare it back at him.” “But then you’d have to listen to it.” Brock countered. In response, Anthony lifted his head enough to groan before placing it face down again. “At least yours doesn’t play soundtracks from horror movies and games.” “I don’t know what bullshit mine goes through.” Tyler piped up. “He doesn’t care what he listens to, as long as it’s turn up so loud that they can’t hear anyone.” “What about you, Evan?” Brock asked. “What your soulmate like?” “I’ve … never heard my soulmate?” Evan admitted shyly. “Not once? Like, not even through some shitty rock song on the radio their parents make them listen to?” Tyler pestered to which Evan only shook his head. “Maybe it’s that medication your parents make you take?” Brock suggested. “Medication?” Anthony asked, picking himself to listen to the conversation more intently. “Yeah, they have me on this pill called Surdi. It’s supposed to help me with headaches.” Evan explained as he pulled out the bottle from his bag. He passed it over so Tyler and Anthony could see. “Your parents are dicks.” Tyler concluded as he passed the bottle back over.” “Why?” “Evan, Surdi is a soulmate blocker.” Anthony explained. “It keeps you from hearing the music your soulmate does.” Evan stared at him with wide eyes. “I heard some parents do it because they were never able to find their soulmates.” Tyler added. “But seriously, Evan. Stop taking that medication. It’s keeping you from hearing the love of your life. That night, Evan didn’t take his medication. Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars” echoed through his ears, and he could see why his friends wanted him to hear the music. It was like a connection into who they were and what liked all through a series of rhythms and melodies. He never wanted to let it go, so he flushed his medication down the toilet some time later. Jimmy Eats World was playing.

He would still be listening to “The Middle” in his final years of high school, when he was even writing his own songs. Evan’s heart was beating faster than normal, threatening to pop right out of his chest. He needed the “Wonderwall” in his ears to calm him down for sure. “Smitty, what are you doing?” Craig asked the mentioned when Evan sat down at their normal table. “I’m messing with my soulmate.” He replied, straight faced. He slipped on his headphones, his finger hovering just above the screen. “Watch Ryan.” “If you’re doing the thing I think you’re doing, Don’t.” David threatened. “Don’t bother, Nogla.” Brian said. “Your one of the people who’s threats we don’t take very seriously.” “Unless it’s CS:GO.” Tyler added. “Where you actually have a gun.” “Wow.” Marcel commented. “Outed by Tyler and your soulmate. Any comments, Scotty?” He then held his phone out to Scotty like a pretend microphone. “RIP.” “Beautiful words.” “Calm it down, Goals.” Smitty snapped, before his voice dropped. “Now, if you could watch the wild Ohmwrecker in his natural habitat, you’ll see the exact moment when the music starts.” Evan glanced over as the said table, which fostered 4 people. Jonathan, also known as his best friend and the only reason all of them were together. Ryan as both the most pure and kinkiest person he knew. Luke, whose constant mood almost always consisted of I’m done with all your shit and why do I associate myself with you people. And Bryce. Bryce McQuaid, with his brilliant baby blue eyes and red blond hair that wasn’t quite either but was always styled perfectly. Bryce, who he would never have a chance with because his soulmate was probably Mike. That never stopped him from loving his laugh and his smile and everything about the tall boy. “Bad Smitty, Bad.” Anthony slapped him, making Evan break out of his lovesick trance. He could see Ryan trying to cover his ears in an attempt to block out whatever meme music Smitty was playing. “What it’s the harm in it?” Smitty asked, trying to be all innocent. “I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that.” Anthony countered. “My soulmate is Craig after all.” “This … is true.” Craig admitted defeatedly. “Alright.” Evan interrupted. “Speaking of music, I finally finished that song I was working on. Wanna hear?” “Is that even a question?” Lui asked, popping up from somewhere underneath the table. “I’m … not going to asked.” Tyler said, voicing what probably half the table felt. “Hey, Brock. Can you go get Jon and the others?” Evan asked. Brock nodded, and headed over. While the others talked to Lui about how Arlan was doing back home, Evan watched Bryce. How he laughed at Luke’s reaction to Brock and Jon’s little PDA. How there was a little bounce in every step he took. “So, Evan.” Bryce started, leaning his hands on the table but not actually sitting down. “What’s this song you’ve been working so hard on?” Everyone muttered in somewhat agreement. “Well, it’s probably not the best thing in the world, but …” “Skip the introduction. Let’s just hear this thing already.” Luke interrupted. Evan simply shrugged, and pressed Play. He closed his eyes, loosing himself in the music that he put so much of his heart into. He tried not to focus on everyone else’s reactions despite knowing that they’d be very supportive. For a little more than three and a half minutes, he wasn’t scared like he usually felt. Then the music stopped, and all the nerves came rushing back to him.

“So …” Evan started, feeling his voice begin to crack. “What’d you guys think?” “That was …” Brock started, but Jonathan cut him off. “Awesome!!!” “When you put it like that, like that, like that, like that, u-rite.” Smitty sang in tune. “Please don’t meme this into oblivion.” Anthony begged, glancing at Smitty before staring at Craig. “Hey, I was just going to ask for a copy!” Craig defended, throwing his hands in the air. “That shit was good. “Arlan wants a copy, too.” Lui stayed, not looking up from his phone. “He also needs to be convinced that you actually wrote that.” “Hey, Evan?” Evan glanced up, looking at a concern Ryan. “Can we talk quick? Outside?” “Sure.” He agreed, rising from the table. “I’ll be right back.” Ryan led Evan out to the hallway, where his concern became more apparent. “What’s this about, Ryan?” Evan asked, knowing his friend wasn’t one to stress out too much. “Bryce. He’s …” Ryan started, but Evan cut him off “Is he okay? Was there something in my song? I didn’t even see him when everyone was giving their opinions. Oh god, what if I offended him? What if he hated it? Did he hate it?” He probably would have continued if Ryan hadn’t covered his mouth. “Let me talk.” Ryan said, calmly that made some of Evan’s worries wash away. “Bryce is fine. He loved your song. Every iteration of it you’ve been through in the past several months. All the late nights up at 3 am playing different sand lyric combinations until you perfected it last weekend. And he was there whenever you got frustrated and played a song you liked because of him.” Evan didn’t respond, only blinked while his mouth hung wide open. Bryce … was his soulmate. Not just a chance he could only imagine in his head. He and Bryce were meant to be together … somehow. “Evan?” Ryan asked, bringing the former back to reality. “You okay?” “Okay? I’m ecstatic. I never thought this would become a reality. My crush is my soulmate. And if it’s okay, would you mind helping me?” “What would I get for it?” Ryan asked, before wincing slightly. “I’ll help you get revenge on Smitty.” “Smitty?” Ohm pointed to his ears, obviously referencing some meme that the younger was probably blasting in his ears. “Smitty. Deal?” “Deal.”

“Thank you.” Evan replied, and repeated when the day was finally upon them. It was at the little pizza joint Ryan worked at that let people perform on Friday Nights and, after a little convincing on his end, Evan was going to be playing. And he had the perfect song, considering Bryce always came to these things. “It’s no problem, Ev. You’re going to kill it.” Ryan assured him. He glanced outside the door to the Employees Only lounge where they currently were, before turning back to Evan. “The others are outside. I’m going to meet with them. You’re probably on in 2 minutes.” “Thanks.” Ryan smiled quick before disappearing. Leaving Evan with unfamiliar faces besides Mike and maybe one other person. “Hey, man.” Evan looked to see a blue-green haired girl beside him. “You’ll be fine.” “Easy for you to say. Not like you’ve done this to ask your soulmate out. My nerves are overwhelming.” “Least you aren’t doing a drunk Just Dance night in a French Maid outfit.” Another girl rebutted. She smirked, turning toward a red faced Mike. “We don’t talk about that Malika.” He demanded, but it was undermined by his embarrassment. “At least I can hold my drink down better than Mark!!” “Hey, well I don’t get shit faced every Saturday with Vodka like you and Drac.” The other guy in the room defended, who Evan recognized somewhat from either Luke or Jon. “At least I didn’t get hustled by Vern in online Mini Golf.” “That was good, I’ll admit.” The teal haired chick spoke up. “I remember that game.” “You lost too, Biji!” “I still be you!” “Evan.” He turned and saw Smitty peaking his head through the door. “You’re up, dude.” “Thanks.” He whispered as he walked away from the arguing. “I needed to get away from that.” “No problem. Break a leg.” The younger replied before heading back toward his own group of friends, most of whom Evan didn’t recognize. Evan didn’t know most of the people in the audience. His heart rate began to spike up to untold amounts while beads of sweat began to roll down his forehead. His hands were now clammy and his stomach was now clamped. But then his eyes locked on Bryce. His eyes stared at him in anticipation, despite probably already knowing what’s going to happen. He cracked a smile, a reassuring one, when he saw Evan’s nerves. It made Evan’s shoulders less tense and his confidence boost just a little. “This one goes out to my soulmate. The one who has had to deal with me stuck in their head for all these years. So I’m going to play the first song I ever remember hearing from them. And it may be a question as well.” Evan didn’t sit down, just pulled the guitar from his back in front of him. One breath, and he began to play the some he made sure to be careful of when he rehearsed it so it would as much of a surprised to Bryce as well as everyone else. It was Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. And he could tell Bryce knew it instantly. By the time the last verse came around, Bryce and Evan were close enough that they could touch while enough room at the same time for Evan to play. Evan’s breaths began to sync with Bryce’s, like the two of them were becoming united under one rhythm. Like nothing else in the world matted besides them and Evan’s guitar. And when Evan sang the last words, he wasn’t scared because he already knew the answer. If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and Just forget the world? Bryce didn’t say a word in reply. He simply wrapped his arms around Evan’s shoulder’s and kissed him. It was rushed and sloppy with two men who had no idea what they were doing. But ask Evan, and he’d say that was his favorite kiss of them all. Why? It was first kiss with Bryce McQuaid, and that made it all worth it in the end.

[geek-patient-zero]

Part 1, Chapter 12

Or: War and Humility

Blood War: Masquerade of the Red Death Trilogy Volume 1

We’ve reached the penultimate chapter of Part 1, and the last Dire McCann chapter until Part 3.

St. Louis—March 13, 1994

The Prince held his council of war in his office at the rear of Club Diabolique. Attending were Vargoss, Flavia, McCann, a ninth-generation Brujah named Darrow, and an eighth-generation Nosferatu known only as ‘Uglyface’ for obvious reasons.

“McCann, Flavia, the Sabbat have struck! This insult will not stand! Summon two other guys!”

Darrow is Vargoss’ policy adviser. He seems like your stereotypical Brujah; rides a Harley, black leather outfit, body covered in tattoos. In reality, we’re told, “Darrow was no rebel.”

He had spent most of his life serving as an officer in the British Army. He had participated in many of the major campaigns of the 19th century and was the veteran of a hundred battles. He was a calm voice of reason, not afraid to contradict the Prince when Vargoss was wrong.

He might not be a molotov-cocktail-throwing anarchist, but Darrow’s not that much of a subversion of Brujah Kindred. He’s what you’d imagine a Camarilla Brujah is like: the voice of reason and superego, not afraid to stand up to the authoritarian Ventrue or the “ooh, shiny!” Toreador. You ever wonder how the “rebel clan” fit in with the undead equivalent of The Man? There you go. ‘Course, as of v5, the Brujah have (violently) left the Camarilla, so the clan as a whole has its limits of how much of the Establishment they’re willing to take.

Uglyface, meanwhile, has the prestigious title of Minister of Intelligence to counter his less prestigious name.

No one in St. Louis knew much about Uglyface’s background.

“Uglyface” is a lazy and vague name to give a Nosferatu character. You ask around for a Nosferatu named Uglyface and you’ll be asked to be more specific. It’s like nicknaming a guy on a basketball team “Tallman” or a self-described gamer “Badperson”.

Nearly seven feet tall and thin as a rail, he had lived in the city longer than any vampire. His face came from a Gahan Wilson cartoon—wide, bulging eyes, tiny button nose, a wide mouth full of yellow teeth, and ears that stuck out like antennae from the sides of his head.

Gahan Wilson was a cartoonist who did work for Playboy, The New Yorker, and National Lampoon, among other things, for almost fifty years. Here’s his wiki page, for those interested.

Uglyface’s grotesque features branded him an idiot. He was not. The Nosferatu vampire possessed an incredible memory for names, dates, and facts. Like many of his clan, he thrived on gathering and processing raw data into usable information.

There’re Brujah who aren’t rebels, Gangrels who live in cities, and Ventrue who don’t automatically think they have the divine right of kings, but do you ever see a Nosferatu who isn’t a huge nerd?

“The Red Death struck three times in America last night,” said Vargoss, resting his arms on his desk. He was obviously concerned. Troubled eyes stared at the trio facing him. To the rear, on guard as always, was Flavia. She was no longer in white leather but in black. And for the first time i decades, she stood alone.

It’s rare for a vampire to wear black out of genuine mourning, rather than just to be evil and goth.

Vargoss continues on saying he’s received reports about more attacks in Europe; the one at the Louvre, where five Kindred were killed (the number of ghoul deaths aren’t mentioned because Kindred are huge assholes), and one we didn’t see in Marseilles, where two died during a Ventrue clan meeting. Not very large numbers there, but in total there had been six attacks over the last twenty-four hours with a total of thirty-five Kindred killed, or “sent to their Final Deaths” because vamps are overly semantic about being undead.

McCann notes how fast Red D.’s moving in order to kill that many vampires around the world in a single day. Darrow voices his and McCann’s shared suspicion: that there may be more than one Red Death. Only he says it more Britishy.

“Are we positive it is the same bloke?” [...] “That bloody mockery of a face of ‘is was awfully distinctive. Maybe it was meant to attract attention, aye? Any Kindred adept at sculpting flesh could rearrange his features into that grotesque mask. Instead of dealing with a single Red Death, we may be faced with several. Maybe an entire Sabbat pack made a pact with a demon.”

“Sculpting flesh” is referencing- No, wait, screw it. We’ve got a lot to cover and I don’t feel like going on a Tzimisce tangent. Guvna.

“Following that same line of reasoning, are you convinced the Red Death was a vampire?” asked McCann. The detective was anxious to establish certain facts he already knew as truth.

“Are Gangrels just Brujah furries? Are the Followers of Set really sexier than the Toreador? Do we really hate Scrappy Doo or are we just repeating a forty-year-old meme? Does anyone else miss dodgeball?”

“The abomination belonged to the Kindred,” said Vargoss, angrily. “My will touched his when I commanded him to stop.”

It’s only gay if the wills touch.

“Blood called out to blood, McCann. The Red Death was definitely one of the Damned.”

McCann plays dumb, asking if there are any disciplines capable of turning a vampire into a being composed of living fire.

“None practiced among the Camarilla,” said Uglyface. His high-pitched voice squeaked like a cartoon character’s.

Alright, Clan Nosferatu fans. You guys are all “Oh I’d fall in love with a Nosferatu, I don’t care what they look like” but what if they’re confessing their bestial love for you in a Mickey Mouse voice? How committed are you to this monster-fucker image of yourselves?

Vargoss believes Darrow’s right about the Red Death being from the Sabbat. He claims they’re “demon lovers” who “mock the power of the flames” and cites a ritual of theirs called, creatively, the Fire Dance as proof. That’s where Sabbat pack members prove their loyalty and bravery, or just to psych themselves up before a battle, by dancing around and eventually jumping through a bonfire (though Vargoss says it’s a funeral pyre) without flipping out and running away. Any similarities between this evil Sabbat ritual and certain real-life cultures’ rituals are unintentional on White Wolf’s part. Hopefully.

“Sorry,” said McCann, “but I don’t accept those kinds of deductions. I’m a detective, remember? Let’s use a bit of logic. Leaping over a fire like Jack-Be-Nimble is a lot different than burning your footprints into the floor.”

Turn the condescension down a bit there, hoss. You may be the Dark Messiah but you’re no Beckett.

Tacktlessness aside, McCann’s got a point and starts poking holes in the Red Death’s cover story. He says while he doesn’t discount the Sabbat being responsible he wonders why, during the Sabbat’s five-century-long war with the Camarilla, they’ve never busted out these Red Death attacks until now. Darrow again sides with McCann and gives us a rundown on Sabbat invasion tactics.

“These friggin’ attacks make no sense. Usually the Sabbat spends years organizing a Crusade to take over a city. We all knows the procedures. First they send in the spies. Then they place traitors into the Kindred council of elders. Next comes their efforts to expose the Masquerade through carefully planned acts of murder and terrorism. And then, during the resulting chaos, they attack in overwhelming numbers, exterminating any vampires they cannot convert to their cause. There’s no place for the Red Death in such plans.”

Uglyface suggests maybe they’ve finally came up with a new strategy, using the Red Death to wipe out a city’s Camarilla elders in one night instead of spending time and resources on a Crusade. McCann counters, saying that’s not what happened, at least in their case. Vargoss isn’t dead (and remember when McCann noticed the Red Death hesitate to kill Vargoss until the twins could save him?), the Sabbat aren’t invading, and while he killed a few Kindred, they were mostly later-generation, weaker vampires. Aside from trimming the population and scaring the bejeezus out of everyone, nothing’s changed.

With a “Bloody hell” Darrow says that they’re missing the most important question: Why did the Red Death attack a little nothing city like St. Louis in the first place?

“No offense, my Prince, but St. Louis ain’t a major Sabbat target. Leastwise, not according to our intelligence reports.”

Good save, Darrow.

“They have their eyes on bigger, more important cities.”

Way to blow the save, Darrow.

“What made us so bloody special we warranted the friggin’ attention of this fire monster?”

The Red Death needs access to Monsanto. He’s got this hilarious idea for a prank involving Roundup and cancer.

“No offense taken, Darrow,” said Vargoss. “I value your honesty more than any flattery. And your point is well presented.”

Vargoss may be a dick at times, but after Bloodlines and L.A. by Night, it’s nice to see a Camarilla Prince who has his shit together.

Vargoss had been discussing the matter with other Camarilla elders and as far as they can tell, St. Louis was the first stop in the Red Death’s rampage. The question is why? McCann suspects Red D. came for him, but obviously he’s not going to say that. Instead he fingers the late Tyrus Benedict. This prompts Vargoss to pull out a several-page-long fax from the Tremere HQ in Vienna, written by “Etrius himself.” McCann’s not only a magic man and a secret Methuselah, but he’s also “a student of Tremere history and organization,” so he recognizes the name. Etrius is the head of the Tremere Inner Council of Seven.

Etrius served as the guardian of the founder of the clan of undead wizards, the powerful sorcerer known as Tremere. The vampire himself lay dormant in torpor in a stone sarcophagus in the catacombs beneath Vienna. Strange rumors swirled about regarding the condition of Tremere’s body. Rumors that Etrius refused to confirm or deny.

Etrius is both an established character in Vampire: The Masquerade and a viewpoint character we’ll see in Chapter 8 of Part 2.

Etrius, who Vargoss calls “a cold, merciless bastard like all of his clan” (like a Ventrue should talk about other clans being jerks), didn’t care much about Benedict’s death but was interested in the Red Death and his fire powers.

“No bloody surprise, that,” said Darrow. Like most Kindred, he feared and distrusted the Tremere. Though they protested that they were loyal members of the Camarilla, everyone knew that the wizards worked for their own ends. And those plans they kept to themselves. “What those devils would give to wield a power like the Red Death! They’d probably burn us all off the map. And laugh at us for providing the information while they did it!”

Yep, everyone hates the Tremere. So much so that their clan weakness in Bloodlines 2 is going to be taking more damage from Kindred enemies. Other vampires hate them so much they’re inspired to punch a Tremere just a little harder in the face than usual.

Vargoss nodded. What small trust he had in the Tremere vanished when his closest advisor, Mosfair, turned on him a few months ago. Only McCann’s intervention had saved the Prince from the ultimate betrayal. The detective had never revealed that Mosfair had actually been acting as an agent for the Sabbat, not his own clan. McCann disliked alliances between the major Kindred bloodlines. And he worked very hard to prevent them from succeeding.”

Considering the two biggest Kindred sects are alliances between major bloodlines, somewhere along the way McCann fucked up big time. And so much for the Sabbat having no interest in St. Louis.

But as untrustworthy and scheming as the Tremere are, Vargoss reveals the fax dropped a bombshell on them. Benedict had visited to warn about the total blackout, the Shadow Curtain, of Kindred activity in Russia, and show Vargoss the photos of the Niktuku Baba Yaga the Tremere obtained. But Etrius says he was only sent to St. Louis to personally apologize for Mosfair’s actions and be all “the actions of this employee do not represent the views of the company.” Benedict didn’t have any documents on him about Baba Yaga or Russia.

The Prince paused, obviously enjoying the astonished looks on his advisors’ faces. Vargoss possessed a strong sense of the dramatic.

A vampire with a strong sense of the dramatic. Imagine.

Etrius also said that while Benedict got the basic facts right, no one the Tremere sent into Russia ever returned, with or without photos. He didn’t know about any photos or Baba Yaga’s Army of Night.

Darrow suggests the obvious, that the “slimy wizard” is lying, but Vargoss believed the fax. Its tone suggested Etrius was deeply disturbed by the news and asked Vargoss to give him every detail Benedict said about Baba Yaga.

“According to the ancient legends of my clan,” said Uglyface, “the Iron Hag was the greatest sorceress in the world. She was one of the Niktuku, monsters created by Absimiliard, the first Nosferatu, in his days of madness.”

Father Naples in the prologue described the Niktuku as fourth generation Nosferatu. The book generally goes with that description and so have I so far, but there’s another theory about them, possibly hinted by Uglyface here. Niktuku aren’t just fourth generation Nosferatu, or even uniformly fourth generation, but a separate “minor” bloodline altogether. Absimiliard thinks that if he wipes out his progeny, the modern Nosferatu, Caine will forgive him and lift his curse, and Absimiliard’ll get his good looks back. So he created the Niktuku to serve him and kill Nosferatu. There could be Niktuku with generations higher then four, but they’re all low generation and very old.

But it’s just a theory, another one of those things kept deliberately vague in the setting, being true or not depending on what the storyteller desires. What is known is that sometime in the late 90′s another Niktuku killed Baba Yaga and ended the Shadow Curtain. Right now though, in 1994, Baba Yaga’s alive and a problem.

“Her powers rivaled those of Lameth, the Dark Messiah.”

“It sounds like someone tampered with Benedict’s thoughts during his journey here from Vienna,” said McCann hurriedly. He was anxious to shift subjects again.”

“Yes, yes, she sounds like a powerful but clearly inferior rival to Lameth the Handsome, but if we can get back to Benedict-”

“Actually as a Cappodocian Child of Asshur Lameth would have looked like stale cheese. He was also an incompetent boob when it came to Jyhad. And fighting. A child with a jumprope could take him.”

“Who said- Um, ahem, that’s nice, Uglyface, but about Benedict-”

“Yes, good Noferatu, they also say Lameth’s attempts at Jyhad were to compensate for—how should I say this in polite company?—having a ‘blunt fang.’”

“...Interesting, my Prince, but back to-”

“Blunt fang’s just a fancy way of saying ‘is willy didn’t work, innit?”

“Indeed, his penis was impotent and also small.”

“OH COME ON!”

“No wonder the notion upsets Etrius. Messing with the mind of a wizard is no job for a lightweight.”

“Oh I wouldn’t go that far, McCann. Remember when Darrow told you having a hand bigger than your face meant you had cancer?”

“Yeah, and yeh put yer ‘and up in front of yer wizard mug and I made yeh slap yerself!”

“My Prince, Darrow, I’m clearly talking about brainwashing, not childish pranks.”

“Childish pranks yeh walked right into, guv’.”

“Yes, McCann, your affable buffoonishness reminds me very much of Lameth the Dark Mes-”

“Stay on topic stay on topic STAY ON TOPIC!”

“I asked Uglyface earlier to backtrack Benedict’s trip,” said Vargoss. The Prince shifted his attention to the Nosferatu. “What did you learn?”

Uglyface gives three important details; that Benedict used “unconventional” methods of transportation, that he arrived in Washington, D.C. three nights ago, and that he couldn’t get in contact with his usual Washington source, a friend named Amos. None of his messages were answered.

The second detail catches McCann’s attention. If Benedict arrived in D.C. three nights ago, and arrived just last night, it leaves one unaccounted for night where he could have been mind whammied. Vargoss brings up the Sabbat again, since they have their eye on conquering Washington. Darrow says that D.C.’s still a Camarilla stronghold, and the Tremere are powerful there. He namedrops some more established characters and explains some of their politics that he knows about for some reason.

“Peter Dorfman is Pontifex (high-ranking Tremere who answers directly to a member of the Council of Seven) there, and he is very ambitious. For all we know, Benedict may have received new instructions from a member of his own bloodline there. There’s a bitter rivalry between Dorfman and other Tremere elders. Meerlinda, leader of the U.S. branch of the clan, plays one against the other in order to maintain absolute control of the bloodline. In turn, she and Etrius both scheme to take charge of the entire clan. It’s a frigging bloody mess, and anything’s possible.”

If some Brujah in another city can figure out your plans, you’re not exactly a subtle schemer.

So the two leading theories among the group about what happened to Benedict are Sabbat brainwashing or inter-clan Tremere bullshit. But what, if anything, does any of that have to do with the Red Death? Whatever’s true, Vargoss decides that the only way to learn what the hell’s going on is to send someone to Washington and do some snooping.

All eyes focused on McCann. The detective laughed.

“Why do I get the impression I’ve been elected?”

Vargoss smiled. “You are the obvious choice, McCann.”

Along with this being McCann’s job and everything, he can also work during the day while the Kindred are sleeping and helpless, so that’s a plus.

“Yeah, and I have my mage powers to protect me,” said McCann. “Not that they would do much good if I stumble upon the Red Death.”

Yeah, what could a reality-shaping World of Darkness mage do to a vampire? Make him explode only a little?

“I assume you’re willing to pay well for this scouting expedition?”

Vargoss laughed. “What I like about you, McCann, is that you’re so pleasantly frank. After listening to lies and half-truths, it amuses me to hear real, honest greed.”

“Am I chopped liver or wot? I’m supposed to be the honest one.”

“Yes, Darrow, but you’re not honestly greedy.”

“I can be honestly greedy. I ‘ave needs.”

“I already pay you in beer.”

“American beer.”

It seems like the matter’s settled, but then Flavia, remembering that she became a real character back in Chapter 5, whispers something in Vargoss’ ear. He excuses himself and leaves the office with his bodyguard. The three still in the office play some gin rummy until Vargoss and Flavia quickly return.

“The plans have been altered slightly,” announced the Prince, taking his seat. Flavia returned to her position at his right. “You are still traveling to Washington, McCann. But you are not going alone. Flavia is going to accompany you.”

“What?” said the detective. “What?”

[live studio audience laughter]

“Flavia argues convincingly that a lone human, even a mage, cannot stand against the concentrated attack of a Sabbat pack.”

There’s a molotov cocktail of a statement if there ever was one.

“Especially if the Red Death is involved. Besides which, Flavia has contacts with the important Camarilla leaders of the city. I am forced to agree. She is right. You need protection and introductions. And she is the one Kindred who is capable of providing you with both. Darrow will take her place at my side during her absence.”

“In addition, the large amount of tourists Washington attracts each year makes it very likely that the only hotel room you will be able to secure will be one with a single bed. Flavia convincingly argues she must be there in such a situation, in order to provide both sitcom hilarity and sexual tension.”

“I work on my own,” said McCann, feeling trapped.

“Not in this case,” said Vargoss, in a voice which brooked no denial. At his side, Flavia’s lips twitched in the slightest of smiles. “Do not anger me, McCann. You will discover the truth about Tyrus Benedict. And Flavia will guard your back.”

“And you will provide me with inspiration for the fanfiction I am writing about the two of you.”

“As you command,” said McCann, bowing to the inevitable. “It should be an interesting trip.”

Flavia nodded. Sensuously she licked her upper lip with her tongue. McCann grimaced. She winked.

McCann dry heaved. She blew a kiss. McCann projectile vomited. She pelvic thrusted victoriously.

[shattering-the-mirror]

Yknow ive never actually seen this so-called "get stickbugged" meme

I've seen one post saying basically "I dont think get stickbugged is funny so it will probably be a popular meme and I'll be forced to see it for the next 8 months"

I've seen one post where someone redrew the meme (I'm guessing) with Pearl's head(from steven universe) on the stickbug as part of a larger comic

And I've seen one post that referenced "get stickbugged" within another meme (specifically "why dont you get stickbugged and then maybe you'll calm down")

It's such an odd experience when you are aware that a meme exists but you havent actually seen the meme itself