#I am moving tomorrow AHHHH!!!

[skyblueartt]

I’m very very tired and I’m too lazy to color these sketches BUT I wanna share em because I think I’m gettin my William design down 💥💥!!

[paisleypens]

tee hee

I LOVE paisley prattles!!!!

JUST RAMBLES ABOUT SPENCER CONEPTS AND HIM BEING SO SEXY!!!!

OMG

how do you think spencer agnew is to make out with!? i need to knowwwwww

GUYS ITS TIME TO PRATTLE ( thank you for the reassurance!!) CAUSE OMG I NEED TO TALK

ok obv WARNING: kissing, macking, the whole thang you already know

also psa: I am not interested in writing smut but this is not how I would describe that, this isnt going to be descriptive like THAT so yeah

also lets all be SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS GIF?!

~~~

⋆ FIRST OFF, he is so sweet with the approach of everything he does. he just holds you so gently like you’ll crack if he is too harsh.

⋆ he also takes his time, in the pace of your relationship and in a kiss. if it doesn’t feel right to kiss you HE WONT. he wants it to be perfect and he trusts his gut enough to know. but once he wants to kiss you he would start slowly and let you choose when to make it more aggressive.

⋆ everything is passionate. not rough but every action has purpose and (because he took his time) knows how every move is making you feel (AHHHH IM SQUEALING)

⋆ he would def do the classic hands on cheeks face hold, but i don’t think he moves his hands that often. it would be like a casual up and down the sides of your torso and maybe the small of your back but i don’t think he is too grabby unless you initiate that. though actually he pulls you in from the waist when they’re resting like that, as a way to deepen the kiss more gently

⋆ i think he would prefer if you moved your hands around though, through his hair and tracing along his tattoos. the comfort of that silent assurance to make sure that both of you are enjoying it in the same way is for sure a need

⋆ if you guys were in a very established relationship i think you guys would have like full conversations in the middle of making out lmao. like it started as a bit but now its like

“where did you want to go for dinner?”

“im feeling chinese”

and you’re literally devouring each other idk

⋆ and yk that little smirk he always has going on AND FEELING IT WHILE OMG I CANT

⋆ ALSO THE STUBBLE your opinion DEFINITELY matters to him sooo

if you like it:

⋆ it would be well maintained and soft (ok gifting beard cream!)

⋆ going back to the smirk it would be extra accentuated by the beard and you could feel the little tickle every time

if you don’t:

⋆ he def wouldn’t get rid of it, its what he enjoys and it also prob makes him feel more mature

⋆ but he would do more of the fred darts goatee situation (idk why thats what came to mind) or just a stubble

⋆ he would focus more on the other things whether to distract you or emphasize solely his lips or tongue instead

~~~

OKAY I THINK THATS IT THANK YOU ALL FOR READING OMG I NEED TO BE KISSED SOMEONE PLSSS

also tomorrow a fic including some of this WILL BE DROPPING!!

[popcornforone]

Dreamy

A Mr Fantastic / Reed Richards Fan Fic

Day 1 of Pedrotober

Masterlist

Day 1 let’s go, this is gonna be a lot of fun I can feel it in my jellies. Time for Reed to take centre stage. We haven’t had many non pixelated Fantastic 4 pictures yet, but I thought the blue above was the best match to the original suits.

Synopsis:- Reed hears cry’s for help & leaps into action.

Word count:- 700

Warnings above what it says in the original master list:- kissing, false cry’s for help, super hero stuff.

Remember these are mainly all short fics peoples. Thanks for the read I hope you all enjoy & I will see you all tomorrow.

As always tags for @alyssamariag @norththelemon for giving us this list.

Mr fantastic hears the screams as he was leaving the grocery store.

“Help help” echoed above him.

He always had his suit on underneath his coat just incase he was needed to spring into action. A reluctant hero who would much rather be known for his science, but now with his new found fame he knew he could try & get his research out there for the world to see. Being a superhero was a blessed curse.

He listened through the noise of the city to hear where your screams of help were coming from & he quickly outstretched his arms, grabbing onto balcony’s to come to your cries of help. Luckily for him it was in the same block. Minimal effort.

“Help me oh god please someone help me”

“I’m on my way” you hear back assuming it’s just in your head this half hearted response.

“I don’t know what to do”

“Stay calm” he says as he finally pushes himself over the top floor & onto your balcony & fully slides open the door. You look startled. What’s mr Fantastic doing in your apartment? You quickly step back, in a state of shock, knowing a baseball bat is in the cupboard behind you.

“Ahhhh Mr Fantastic!” It’s comes out high pitched. You can tell he’s assessing the situation in front of him. Your apartment shows no sign of a struggle or anyone in pain. You move to the side a little as he inspected the room, still in easy reach of the bat in the cupboard. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard cries for help, so I left my groceries downstairs & flung up the building. It was clearly your voice” He says looking you up & down, to check you didn’t have bruises from a potential fit that you might have just gotten over & had no memory about. He smirks at the fact your skirt stops mid thigh.

“Oooooh im sorry” you say, he looks confused. “I’m rehearsing lines for a play I am in, it’s the opening scene where I discover my best friends body” he drops his shoulders & sighs.

“Seriously?”

“Yea seriously” he tuts. “We preview next week so I thought I’d get some more lines perfected”

“Well clearly you’re very convincing as this calls for help made me climb up here to save you” he says.

“Well I’m sorry I wasted your time, but it’s good to know there’s a super hero near by should I ever need one”

He nods & goes to take his leave, noticing the script & a few props on the table, but you then stop him.

“Mr fantastic, as I was someone in distress, you did technically come up here to rescue me… does that mean I get a kiss from the hero?”

He chuckles.

“We’re not all stereotypes” he says but he knows you’ve clocked him looking you up & down.

“Even if it’s just a peck,”but suddenly his hands wrap around your arms. Mr fantastic with his stretchy talents & he pulls you into him & does a Hollywood kiss on you, the one you always see in classic movies. Your foot pops & everything as his tongue invades your mouth. Your cheeks turning redder. Your own hand moving into his hair which fees so soft. Often grey hair feels slightly different to usual hair due to the lack of pigment but this just felt so good.

He spins you back so you are on both your feet & smirks.

“I hope the play goes well” & with that he takes 5 large extended strides back & leaps over the top of your balcony & lowers himself back towards the floor below, his shopping will still be waiting for him. You look down & sigh like your a long lost love who will never see him again.

“Ooooh he was so dreamy” you coo.

[macawritesupdates]

Writing Update 9/19/2024

Been a while since I did an update! Last week I was on jury duty and it MURDERED my writing time as I had to change up my day and it took longer to get home (mentally draining....)

Been back at work this week, but still has been draining, so less time to get things done, but trying to get back into the flow of things! Hopefully more updates to show soon!

REQUESTS

I will get back to those as soon as I clear up some other fics. Just got a lot of long fics (12 in total) and one-shots (like ...5 in total?) that I'm writing and want to finish!

READER INTERACTION FICS

Can't Help a Cuddle: It has 5k words in and that is just the spicy scene it is going to open up with lol It is going to end up being a long chapter as it introduces more plot and the like going forward! Hopefully will be updating soon!

Jealousy is Not a Good Friend: Also have it outlined and making good progress on writing it out so it should come out the same time or before Cuddle. Got some spice as always!

LONG FANFICS JJK

Broken in the Ways No One Sees: Going to speed run write out the last three chapters to the story as it one the poll for which one to finish first! I'll post chapters as I finish <3

When you Get Two Grandsons: Next chapter is coming and I'll be overhauling the tags to reflect the new developments! This story is remaining sweet and family feel wholesome!

Spouse Wanted: Experience not Necessary: the new chapter is NEARLY done and may be out tonight depending on how I finish up this last scene hehe! If not tonight, then going to be up tomorrow!

Lessons in Accidental Seduction: Eagerly writing out the next chapter! I'm excited for this one as it has nice character development and Sukuna really starting to work things out and he and Yuuji getting closer again <3

Malevolence of Love: Wanted to finish his fix before the 30th, but don't see that happening due to writing delays ; w ; BUT the next chapter is coming out and I know it is an anticipated one! Hoping it won't take long...

Who's a Good Boy: New chapter is in the works but not the priority fic at the moment!

The Yuuji Files: I am hoping a new update will happen SOON as I work through the scenes in this one. It is going to be a meaty chapter though as it has a lot of little plots going on in the B-plot area.

Careful What you Joke About: Also working on the next chapter now that the rewrites have been completed for the outline <3 I hope I haven't kept anyone waiting too long!

Mirrored Lives: Still need to rework and rewrite the outline and plot and get it to a point I'm more satisfied with.

LONG FICS MHA

What Sacrifices Heroes make that go Unsung: I WANT TO WRITE THE NEXT THREE CHAPTERS SO BAD AHHHH! I am going to push to make time to work on this one as ugh! I love it in my HEART so much and want to share ; w ;

A Rut Time of It: It is on the backburner as I get other fix worked out and finished up!

ONE-SHOTS IN PROGRESS

Pull Me Along if I Can’t Move Forward: Izuku/Bakugo sweet fic that is still in slow slow progress. Going to see if I can't finish it up soon!

Heatwaves and Curses Don't Mix: A pwp fic of Nobara/Yuuji/Sukuna with true-form Sukuna and his double dongs. Just pure smut for the heck of it that is slowly coming together

Playing House: Sukuita fic where Sukuna makes Yuuji play house like they did when kids but takes it too far. A pwp fic idea suggested when I was in the mood and is close to being done c:

Take Me to Prom?: Sukita one shot where Yuuji blackmails his cousin Sukuna to cross dress and take him to prom as his date. Shenanigans ensue

Once Upon a Blob: Sukuna, now Blobkuna, has a plan to get his body back and it involves the old fairy tale cliche of love's true kiss. Chaos ensures.

And That's When I knew It: A silly Uraraka/Kirishima one-shot where something horribly embarrassing happens and feelings are had (and spice XD)

FUTURE FANFICS IN PROGRESS

Culturally Inappropriate: Starting to outline the fic and name the characters who are going to be with Yuuji through the Possessed Anonymous group. Letting it build its own themes and feeling good about it so far!

This is the sequel to Historically Inaccurate and keeps moving with the themes and Sukuna and Yuuji building their relationship as vessel and and cursed spirit while also their personal healing. Gonna be good hopefully!

Law Meets Disorder: (Maybe changing to Law and Disorder for the title) Still mapping out my ideas but might get to finally finishing up the outline soon!

The Dragon Story: Still more an idea with more worldbuilding done than plot. Need to find a solid plot for it....

We Wretched Few: Heian Era court drama fanfic with an ABO flair to it that I've been poking around at :b

[smolvenger]

Ok guys, so far here has been my life update!

So far I have

resigned from my job at a call center. Even if it gave me financial stability and would be possible to do remote, doing a call center jo where I constantly have to talk on top of being a singer and having lots of rehearsals and lessons would not be physically good. Also, the customers were very emotionally abusive at worst and the work was incredibly demanding. So yeah, I am now unemployed and looking for a different job where I am. Which I will need to because...

I have moved into my first apartment! I am there with my kitty cat! Sharing with two roommates! Ahhhh! But it means having to look for a job for rent and groceries and trying to budget my means. I am not broke yet, but pray a good job that works with my class schedule comes soon. Speaking of which.

My grad school life starts tomorrow! Classes begin!

And it includes- I am in the chorus of the fall opera! The whole situation is not ideal for students and it is not entirely what I thought it would be, but the good news is that since the opportunities for opera are morelimited this year, my school was nice enough to cast all of the grad students who didn't have a role into the chorus!

So yeah, that is my whole life update! So if I am slow to read fics or post writing, that is why! Phew!

@ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @holdmytesseract @liminalpebble @lokisgoodgirl @ladyofthestayingpower @muddyorbsblr

[best-of-theworst]

Guys... I'm talking to a girl.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

GOD SHE'S GORGEOUS. So I'm going to document this sapphic adventure!

Valery Story (pt.1.) ☽⛧☾

☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾

I'm going to call her Valery, (to protect her privacy ofc) she's a year younger than me, has beautiful blue eyes! And she's a redhead too! Can you imagine? TWO REDHEADS DATING!?!?! Ahhhh the dream! Anyway, she has a nose bridge piercing and she's a goth chick! I finally meet someone who listens to goth music too! I know goth subculture is going strong, but it's relatively rare to meet other goths where I live! So I'm hyped af! (. ͡> ᴗ ͡<.)

We moved from tinder to messenger today! And SHE asked me to move there! SHE wanted to continue talking and get a bit more serious! ( ͡° ω ͡°)

She already told me I'm "charming" (which I'm not but stilllll) and she's so lovely! Adorable, funny, has great taste in music, great style! She likes my tattoos and absolutely freaked out when I told her I did them myself! Then Valery asked me if I can tattoo her and this time I freaked out! Imagine, I'm doing her tattoo, touching her I look her in the eyes... GOD I need to stop writing a fanfic about my own life (. ╥ ⍙ ╥ .)

We kept talking till 1 am! She had to wake-up early. She sent me a "goodnight love 💞" and I almost died! Ahhhhh

Can't wait till tomorrow! I'm going to send her "Hello love 💞" message (っ ͡> ㅅ ͡<)っ

☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾⛧☽⛧☾

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

Pff..im an apple serpent that's fantastic.

Ahhgfn..its okay, you can wake up earlier tomorrow,,,! You werent meant to wake up early today trust..you needed the sleep I'm sure..

Bwhh..he reminds me a lot of how I used to be when I was in middle school. So ch7 was increasingly more tragic for me. His growth warmed my heart ugghhfh..it's his first time living too. He's always much,,much more of his own person and even more enjoyable in events without malleus. (Ahem harveston..)

I love him,,I used to despise him but Sebek,,you silly guy..💔

Good evening... Selky! I apologize for responding so late. Time just... Slips away from me. Water that glides through my fingers and suddenly I find myself in a drought. I would rather be drowning... I have to get up early for work. But I find myself unable to sleep. I... Am having car troubles. My tire... Is going to burst... And I have a small day trip coming up... And my rent... Ahhhh... I have to admit something... I am going to be moving again soon. Changing living locations again... And I am sick of it already. I hate packing and moving. It is inconvenient and hot. I dislike it... But it is not fair to vent my troubles. I want to have fun with everyone. For now, I want you to giggle. I smoked a bowl (marijuana) and inhaled so hard I swallowed. And I managed to burp a cloud of smoke as if I was a cartoon character. Life is fantastic and I enjoy it's ups and downs.

Chapter 7 is extremely sad from what I am seeing with the dreams and every update on the Japanese server. I am excited to get the cards and all of their updates. I am going to shake with glee as I wait for Ruggie's. If he cries? I will cry... But... I also hope he looks cool and strong... An irritated face even if he's... Actually. I want to make a prediction.

I don't think Ruggie will cry in his card. Ruggie and I grew up similarly; "There will be a day when no one will dry your tears for you. You have to do it yourself." I think... Even if he wants to cry he can't waste the energy. He can't waste the time. He is strong all by himself. And he knows it. I want to see him being cool. I don't want him to sob. But I want to see what a harsh upbringing can do to someone. And how it can change the way they express emotions. This includes bottling and turning sadness into frustration/anger.

I am under the influence... So I had gotten side tracked... Ah... Forgive me Sebek... I think you are a very good boy. I hope to see you do your best.

[llondonfog]

collapses into bed

Tomorrow is my "official" last day in my office where I've worked for 3 years and literally everything went sideways in the worst way possible this week, I've been pulling 12 hr days trying to fix this mess before I hand the project over to my replacement. It's not how I envisioned myself departing when we were on schedule just two weeks ago, and I'll still be working two jobs until mid April to help with turnover and one final presentation but it feels so strange to say that I'm moving on after tomorrow with my new promotion.

I've been absolutely exhausted these past few days and am so looking forward to my vacation next week to visit family, I really need to get away from work before I start something completely new and out of my depth next month in my new role ahhhh

And I'm looking forward to answering all of your asks and posting some more short fic in the coming weeks, thank you all for dealing with my quick turn burnout this week 🥲

[tsuki-sennin]

Spreading sky! Hero gals! Hirogaru Sky! Pretty Cure! This is a... very exciting prospect, of course. Not only is it the 20th series and very close to the franchise's 20th anniversary, but we're jostling a lot of franchise traditions! Blue non-human leader, a full-time male Cure, an (entirely unambiguous) adult!

New town, new me. That also means a new tag!

"Hop! Step! Jump! Hero Gals Dream of the Everlasting Sky!"

Y'know, filter that out if you wanna.

Man, imagine liveblogging a PreCure series on time lmao

Spoilers, I guess...

-The sky!

-Skyloft?

-Oh wow, even got giant birds.

-There's Sora-chan. I'll give you a dumb nickname later,

-Skyland Castle!

-Wonder if we'll run into Spyro the Dragon?

-Maybe if we were on a Nintendo console we'd meet Bowser and Donkey Kong.

-Lotsa cute borbs on Skyland, huh?

-Subarashii~! Hapii Basudei~!

-Princess El. You are... a very interestingly designed baby, I'd say.

-How old are you, a year?

-Oh look it's Bebop from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That's neat.

-Kabaton.

-Gonna bomb a fuckin' baby! Okay!

-"Speed up."

-Don't pay that bird enough for this, Sora-chan.

-It's Hero time!

-Oh shit.

-I enjoyed DePaPre's OP an awful lot, but this

-This is a banger right out the gate.

-Gives me very high hopes for the rest of the soundtrack.

-Oh shit, Futari wa callback.

-Ah, even got a notebook opening for the title card, that's cute.

-P i g

-The 7th Chocobo Cavalry has come rushing in.

-Kabaton-ton?

-Very nimble for a big fella, huh?

-In comes Sora-san.

-Hot damn, this girl's must've done mocap for Mirror's Edge.

-Ain't no stopping this dude.

-Ready... Go!

-"I am the girl from the sky! Of the clear sky clan!"

-

-REALLY now, Toei?

-I ain't even gonna dignify that with a response, I'm just gonna move on with my life.

-Dropped the baby.

-Going into strange holes is generally not advised until you're far older, Sora.

-Hydrogen baby.

-Very cute hydrogen baby, might I say.

-Where we at?

-Drop TWO babies at once!

-Pretty Holic~! They sell stationery too~!

-Hurtling at the terminal velocity of... 2 miles an hour.

-That's a car, those're rolling death machines.

-That's Pretty Holic lipstick, that's what we call a "uniting thread".

-"WHY ARE THESE BIRDS SO TINY?!"

-Mashiro-chan, gotcha.

-Sorashido~!

-"My notebook~!"

-Ahhhh, Skyland script.

-Oh god, he's back.

-Underground!

-Ranborg!

-C

-CureTube.

-Curesta. CureTube.

-Gonna write up my fanfic ideas on my CurePad in Pretty Docs, then maybe post 'em up on Cureblr.

-Using the Octagon-washing-machine to dry Octagon-coats on Octagon-hangers.

-"Mashiro-san! Protect Hydrogen Baby with your life."

-"Noooooo pleeease!"

-Smoked out.

-Hot damn, these're some nice angles.

-"Gimme that baby, extra!"

-A fated duel!

-Oh, he went and done it now.

-Tore up her dreams right in front of her.

-Precuuuuuure!

-It's Hero Time!

-Sky mirage! Tone connect!

-Hirogaru Change! Sky!

-Hop! Step! Jump! Clearly she takes inspiration from Ichika Usami.

-Love the side cape.

-Blue sky soaring to infinity! Cure Sky!

-Sora Harewataru... that is, Cure Sky is our hero for this year. She fights for truth, justice, and a better tomorrow!

-She's not quite flying yet. But she is falling with style.

-That's some impact!

-Hirogaru Sky Punch!

-Dig in peace once more.

-You're safe now, citizen!

-Oh, ED time.

-Don't worry Mashiro-chan, you'll get to be Cure Prism in, say... an episode or two? You're voiced by Rabirin, so your odds are pretty good. There's the lad, Cure Wing, voiced by Don Murasame. And Butterfly-oneesan, I haven't actually heard of Ayaka Nanase till yesterday.

-I love the colored pencil aesthetic, I feel seen.

-Very nice ED, very cute.

-Gotta keep the kid safe.

-I've actually been considering a few of options for my unique liveblog tag.

-"I would fly into the sun if that would keep our dream alive" is fitting, but is a bit... loaded a reference for me to make as a RWBY fan.

-I've considered using the lyrics of the Jetman theme or even some old Superman standards, but I thought those'd be a little obvious.

-My Hero Academia and One Punch Man references were considered, of course, but were discarded.

-I reckon what I chose gets the point across well enough, yeah?

-Kinda newspaper headline-y too, as a bonus.

-Well, you know where to find me for next time! See you on the flip side, citizens!

[douevenbleachbro]

I’ve thrown around this fic idea before but I think it may be more than I can chew. Especially ‘cause it would be Orihime-centric and I don’t know if I can write her well enough for a whole story, but this idea has been buried deep in my brain and I wanna get it out! Cause I think it’s a good idea! And it may be pretty unique...maybe. It’s not like I’m checking lmao.

Story: Orihime is able to travel the multiverse. Kinda like Scarlet Witch from the MCU (X-men actually but lets not get into that) or even Dr. Strange. Or Mrs. America (Yes the MCU gave me this idea lol)

I mean look, Hime has some time-warping ability, no? Or space-warping? She can “reject” reality, so she can just be like, nope I don’t want that to be a thing, and then put it back to how it was. I think that’s the gist of her ability. So she could’ve stood before Ywach and been like, no I reject your entire existence and erased him, no? I don’t remember his abilities so I gotta read up on that. Not that I have to get things canon-compliant 100%, but I need something to start a foundation. 

I think what I want to do is make her powers kinda like Elizabeth’s from Bioshock Infinite, even though I know they’re not the same. Hime kinda rewinds, or erases, whilst Elizabeth travels through the different universes, door to door. But I think that Hime could get there if she were to fully reject her reality and try to create a new one. Only that she doesn’t create them, she can move to a different one cause *insert timey-wimey shit here* Lmao who am I Christopher Nolan? Am I writing Tenet here?...Maybe lmaoooo.

The base is the 5 lifetimes speech she gives. So the 5 lifetimes translates to 5 universes where she loves Ichigo but he always ends up falling for Rukia ‘cause destiny and red strings, etc, etc. By the 6th one she snaps and goes crazy and unleashes the full extent of her power and all realities start to melt until someone stops her. 

The IR discord suggested Ishida being the caped crusader that was aware of what Hime was capable of doing and is the one that stops her, which is an idea I love, but man I have to figure out how the hell would he know. Does he know the back-story to the Soul King? Oh god this is a lot. Look am already getting overwhelmed ahhhh.

Ok, I just need to focus in all the mess and straighten out the story so it makes some sense. I hope someone answers me in the IR chat so I can go back and read what the heck happened with Hime’s power at the end ‘cause that’ll be the catalyst to my story. 

It’s late and I need to wash my hair lol. I’ll continue this tomorrow. 

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

I started like... mildly crying 20 minutes ago and I haven’t stopped.

It’s equal parts Good Feelings and Bad Feelings! But it’s a lot of feelings.

tl;dr helping a friend made me emotional, my stomach tormented me last night so I’m especially fragile, I’m insanely excited for QPP Moving Day TOMORROW!, and then I heard a leader in the org say “I celebrate the person sitting in your seat” and a bunch of other really loving, gentle, appreciative things and I realized how badly I NEED TO HEAR THAT, and how, for the longest time, I just didn’t.

Mild emetophobia warning for discussion of Feeling Bad, and emotional warning for what might amount to... childhood emotional neglect? Is that a thing?

I don’t know if I can ramble, my emotions are kinda threadbare right now. So, bullet points.

- I stayed up late last night to talk to a friend having a crisis. Staying up late alone wouldn’t have been a problem at all, I was happy to “make time” for sia! But

- RIGHT as I was falling asleep, my stomach hit me with Overwhelmingly Sick Feeling that escalated RAPIDLY, convinced me I was going to Be S*ck for 2-3 hours straight, and I was trying to fight the phobia down, I really was, but I couldn’t. I wound up laying there huddling and shivering, frantic for Literally Hours, until it finally decided to just feel sore instead, and I finally got to sleep.

( ^ That part is probably my own fault. I got Chipotle for dinner because I wanted to Do Things instead of cook yesterday, and Chipotle usually goes well. But then I ate the whole bowl AND the whole (small) bag of ships. Which I KNOW I shouldn’t do, my stomach can barely handle a SMALL meal! But I THOUGHT I was still hungry? And I felt fine, mostly just sleepy, Right Up Until 1-2 AM. And then it all hit me HARD.)

But even when it finally calmed down, emotionally I was in pieces. It Didn’t Actually Happen, but gods I really thought it was going to that whole time.

So between recovering from The Struggle Against Phobia Panic and not sleeping much, I’ve spent all day feeling low-energy and tired and wrung out.

So I’ve got this Emotional Torment right up alongside the “WILD INSANE EXCITEMENT AHHHH” because my QPP is moving in here TOMORROW, and I can’t believe it’s finally going to be REAL? We’re going to be here? Together? In this place that’s our own? We can see each other and hug each other and play games or watch movies together whenever our schedule allows? I can tell them goodnight in person?

I have so many starry-eyed feelings about this, I just. Fuck, man, it’s going to be life-changing.

And then I listened to a recording from a couple years ago. One of the leaders in the organization, probably one of my very favorite people to hear speaking, gave one of her heart-wrenchingly encouraging speeches. Encouragement wrenches MY heart, anyways. In a good way, but also in the way that makes me realize how starved I am for that kind of... just, love.

“I celebrate the person sitting in your seat.”

I’m just going to copy the relevant bits of the message I sent to my mentor and elaborate a little bit, because... I don’t have the energy to reword it, frankly.

I started crying a little at the part where she said "I celebrate the person sitting in your seat"...but I also think there's some underlying wounds that she speaks to. That part specifically made me feel so overwhelmingly loved and appreciated and part of the reason I started crying is because I don't feel that way very often. But I want to. I think everyone wants that, probably.

And I'm almost envious of her. I want so, so badly to learn how to edify and uplift and love on people the way she does.

It's especially hard because my love language is words of affirmation and I want to be able to give those words to people, but that's one of the times my throat just doesn't work and I struggle to get the words out. They're important and deeply felt, and for me big emotions are the hardest feelings to put words to. But I desperately WANT to. I want people to know I care.

But I want to learn how to give people those affirmations more often. And I don't think I don't do it at all, because last night a friend was going through a crisis and she called me and we talked for like an hour, and afterwards she said it helped so much, and today another friend...sent me a message saying they're having a hard time and could they please have some comfort, so obviously I'm making SOME kind of impact in peoples' lives. They must feel safe and loved if they come to me for help like that. But I forget that really easily.

This is probably one of those things that's going to come with practice, but do you have any tips for how to help people feel loved and appreciated? I'm not sure exactly HOW to practice telling people "I love you" and "I appreciate you". I haven't had many good examples of that being communicated in my life, so when I try to think of HOW to do it, I kinda just draw a blank.

Is it like that method you have about practicing feeling joy, where you notice the things that make you feel that way, and make notes of it, and then kind of take that and extend that to others? Or is this one of those things where you have to ask people point-blank, "What makes you feel loved and appreciated?" How do you shine that light and warmth on people?

All I want in life is to leave a positive mark on this world, and I think that's a pretty important way to do that.

But what I didn’t tell my mentor is, I spent ten minutes while I was trying to compose this message to feel my way through the pain that GL’s message brought up.

With the love I felt from it came the deep-aching realization that the reason it felt So Amazingly Impactful to me is because I don’t GET THAT much.

I so, so very RARELY am told “Thank you”, or “You made a difference”, or “I’m proud of you”.

That last one, I’m so desperate to hear that when my stepmother (OF ALL PEOPLE!) was drunk at my sister’s wedding reception and told me “I’m so proud of you”, I legitimately felt my eyes going wide and starry, and I tried to stop myself, but I couldn’t resist fishing deeper. “Really? For what?” (She didn’t have any specifications to that, unfortunately. “Just the person you are.” That’s news to me. It felt a little empty tbh.)

Like... I want to specify that my mother DOES tell me she’s proud of me, she encourages me, she compliments me, she gives me heartfelt praise and I can tell she really means it. But her and my mentor are probably my only source of that. I didn’t have those heartfelt conversations with her until I was about 19 years old. I wonder if maybe she didn’t know how to give me those shreds of affirmation, the same way I struggle to give them to people now?

Growing up, I essentially NEVER heard any kind of praise or thanks. The one and only thing people usually praised me for was “You’re so smart”, but even that was usually the backhanded-compliment prefix to a following “But if only you were better at being smart!” (Gifted kid complex, anyone?)

I used to write in my diary when I was in elementary school that “nobody loves me”. I wasn’t being melodramatic or exaggerating, that was genuinely what it felt like sometimes. I felt unappreciated and unloved. I would be told “Love you!” before bed and that was about it. I still drank up those 2-to-3 word statements and cried the one time my stepmother didn’t tell me that. But I was starved of any genuine praise rooted in sincere appreciation or pride or joy.

Maybe I got a “You did so well!” after doing a solo piece in a choir concert, or giving a speech at a school function. But when I stopped performing on a stage around age 12, I stopped getting even that.

That was when I started sharing my stories. When I started posting my fanfictions, I was so incredibly over-the-moon ELATED whenever someone posted a nice comment that I responded to Every Single Individual One with a private message giving them my heartfelt thanks. And if they were anonymous, I responded in the story’s next chapter.

And the thing that hurts so much about this NOW is... I desperately, really, truly, needfully Want to Tell People I Love and Appreciate Them. But I don’t have any examples. I don’t know how. I wasn’t taught the language of positivity growing up, and I wasn’t shown how to be vulnerable enough to be sincerely grateful and happy for someone.

I don’t want to make people feel unloved or unappreciated the way I felt growing up. I don’t EVER want someone to think I take their love for granted. I never, ever EVER want to make people think they’re unworthy or failures or even just “nothing special”. Especially the people I love.

One of my biggest “angst” points when I was a kid relentlessly controlling my emotions was lamenting that the people around me felt unloved. I thought that was my own fault. I didn’t realize that’s something you’re taught, just like sewing and cooking and writing. I thought I was broken somehow, that I had permanently removed my own ability to feel and show love.

That wasn’t the case. That wasn’t EVER the case. I never stopped being compassionate; I never stopped holding my friends very near and dear to my heart. I never (well, almost never) became cruel. I always had love, it just felt trapped inside me. I didn’t know how to release it.

I still don’t. And that makes me sad because the people in my life, even the random people I talk to on the street, deserve to feel loved and deserve to know they’re appreciated and important and deserve that genuine connection. They deserve encouragement and praise.

And the people I love most... My boyfriend, my friends, my mother? I so, so desperately mourn for the fact that I can’t bear my whole heart. I don’t know how to share the immense well of love with them when it’s locked up.

I wish I knew how to tell people, “I love and appreciate you.”

I’m trying to learn, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Does it matter? Does it make a difference? Do people know I love them?

(Don’t try to eliminate all emotion from yourself for 10+ years, kids. It makes you insecure about what you show, what you CAN show, and it makes it harder to connect with the hearts around you.)

There was more, it is a deep wound, but I’m running out of steam... I might be all cried out now. I’m not sure.

Anyways, I’m going to go catch up on Broken Youth because I don’t know what to do with these emotions and maybe that’ll make me cry more and get it out.

[kelseychiang]

Day 8 - 23/4/24

Ahhhh today was long. I went to bed at 5am studying!! I also woke up at 8am and got a breakfast bagel from the Study with bacon, cream cheese, tomato and cucumber. I then went to kerkhoff at 9 and had great conversations once again. Today I was really stressed because I thought my chem 30A midterm was tomorrow but it was moved to Friday! It’s a good and bad thing because I have Maths 32A on the same day now. But I am also relieved it’s not actually tomorrow. At 11 I had coffee with great company however I think that made my stomach upset. I then went to my LS7A lecture and then met up with my friend who has a puppy with her because she trains service dogs. We sat at Jan’s steps in the sun and it was relaxing. I then head back up to the hill and studied chemistry with my friend but got soooo sleepy in the lounge. I got dinner from Feast which was teriyaki chicken, it was okay. Tonight I did some hardcore exercise and ran 3 miles! I am completely dead now so all I’m going to do is study and hopefully sleep. I rate my day a 6/10. (11:45pm)

[dudeiaminacornerrightnow]

AHHHH

I am creating this for all of my shit and also bc im freaking out rn. idk maybe ill put my art here or other shit. but i primarily i gotta get this shit out RIGHT NOW. i am going to court tomorrow and hopefully my stupid ass isnt in a bunch of trouble. but like holy shit what a fucking little cherry peak on my little shitty life. like okay u can move out of ur shitty abusive family home and on ur own. okay u r struggling financially okay then BOOM RUIN UR OWN LIFE LIKE AN IDIOT AHHHGGHHAHAGGH. i was so close to being like all good too im just fucking dumb and was too stressed arrrgghhh. now i am going to be seeing how fucked my life is going to be. and im anxious even writing this bc im like damn will writing this out get me in trouble even tho it is a ridiculously small matter. now here i am. tomorrow is going to happen whether i like it or not. i want to get it over with at this point. hrm. anyway its time to be hopeful. fuck life squirting these lemons in my eyes i will still MAKE LEMONADE

[harrywavycurly]

HAPPY WEEKEND SARAH!!!!

I'm packing my life up into boxes bcos me & my bf have brought a house and we move in on Monday, it's fun but I'm also having regular nervous breakdowns lmao.

Are you doing anything fun on the weekend?!

K BYEEEEEEE💫💜

Hiiii lovey!! Ahhhh congrats on the house babes that’s so wonderful!!! Moving is stressful as hell I totally understand the regular breakdowns! I think I cried and like panicked about 10 times in one day when I was getting ready to move from Connecticut to Manhattan and then about 15 when we moved from Manhattan to Virginia 😂🙈 I hope yall have a smooth move on Monday babes!!✨

I am having a chill weekend, ran some errands and now watching a true crime documentary and tomorrow I’m not leaving my couch😂💖

[ghostinmybrain]

CW: Numbers mentioned for body weight

(Tumblr randomly deleted a whole paragraph while I was typing it up lmao, here’s try 2) so I’ve lost 2 inches off my waist(28 still, just measured cause I have marching band uniform fittings tomorrow(today now it’s almost 1am) and want to be smaller) and Google says that’s between 10-20lbs loss. Idk if that’s true, and I really want to know the precise numbers. I only know what I weighed in at the end of may which was 108 so I’m between 88-98lbs I think? (Please note I’m 4’8”, I have a form of proportionate dwarfism I’m not a kid lol and please don’t use me as goals I’m chubby just short) it suck’s that I can’t know my exact size cause I really want to.

I also have 2 years left of high school and than I’m gonna go to community college near my house so it’s like, 4+ more years until I can move out and safely buy a scale without people finding and what if in those 4 years my brain decides to fix itself? I don’t want it to, and I know that’s bad but I just, it feels safe having something I am in control of and I feel like food and my weight is safer than cutting? Idk. Plus I only want that for myself, I don’t want other people to have to go through this, it’s not fun and I know it’s hurting me and ahhhh idk any more I’m just rambling

[notsosecret-transgirl]

I’m moving to dc tomorrow!!! Ahhhh!!! I am like. Not freaking out? Weirdly? Ok a little bit but I think I’m actually handling this pretty well. Me and Izzy are being responsible and doing everything the right way. I can’t wait honestly, just to like. Be with her finally. I love her a lot and I think we can weather the storms, but I guess we’ll see. I feel weirdly like, ok with all of this. Which is good! I’m just not usually cool with like big life changes happening. But I’m feeling very confident you know? I think I’ll be ok. She’s worried and I’m worried too, but just like, The normal amount I think. The “oh boy this is a big life thing” amount of worry. But I love her. It’s just a fact. And I’m willing to put in a lot of work for us. I love her.