#I am mentally not in a good place today so I am trying to cheer myself up by making poorly done stupid crows memes

[catdoingblep]

[myeagleexpert]

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕘𝕠 𝕠𝕟

Yan!Batfamily x Singer!YN (neglected) Inspired by @@gotham-daydreams's fic, your work is wonderful and makes me think about many things…. One of the things I think about is if they found Reader from her music….

Summary: Despite everything, the show must go on. Warnings: Mention of healing processes, Reader has a trigger in the middle of an important show Mention: Reader as YN, Dick Grayson, Friend!Reader Note: This fic takes place before the events of Not [ ], before they meet Reader and become yandere because of her. Check out and value the original author's work, it's a very complete and interesting fic! < 3 You can find more of this here

“YN! YN! YN!” the crowd screamed her name, the fans excited to see their favorite idol, wanting more of her performance.

The makeup artist was applying the final touches to her vibrant makeup while the hair stylist was reshaping the curls of her wig. The final touches before going on stage again while they were backstage.

“Everyone loved your performance! They’re screaming for you out there!” says one of the dancers excitedly

“The last song was amazing, YN! We can feel the energy here!” praises the makeup artist while touching up the glitter in her eye

“Aaaah that’s great! I’m not nervous like last time so it’s good to see it’s working out!” Yn says while drinking water, her first times on stage had been shy and awkward, but after overcoming that initial barrier today she performs with confidence, dancing and interacting with the audience masterfully.

“1 minute to get back on stage guys!” one of the organizers warned, making everyone there, including YN, mentally prepare for yet another amazing choreography.

You can do it, YN! she started to motivate herself mentally while reviewing the next song.

“M ama ma i make my own mantra……”

Ow, the broccoli loved this song! My broccoli like the choreography!

“30 seconds!”

I should have run for my music career before, the broccolis supported me from the beginning, why did it take me so long to do this?

“20 seconds!”

Ow….. I remembered, because of them…… just thinking about everything that happened at Wayne Manor, YN's vibe and mood drop, the magazine cover smile is replaced by a blank look and under eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

“10 seconds!”

Why am I thinking about them now? They don't even deserve to be in my thoughts. It's showtime, Yn, focus!

“3….2….1”

“Time to go on stage! It’s showtime!” the crew starts cheering and clapping with YN, getting into the festive show mood as they enter the stage

“WHATS UPS BROCCOLISSS?!” YN excitedly greets them through the microphone, the audience goes wild, screaming and raising the show props.

The house is full, today the show is in one of the biggest concert venues in London, with all the floors packed and the VIP area swarming with important people, reporters, cameras, today is a success! YN’s costume shines and stands out in the dark house, with sparkles and sequins that reflect the light in shades of pink and blue, the wig sets her apart like an anime protagonist and the dancers dance with expression and boldness. It's at these times that YN feels on top of the world, not out of arrogance but out of belonging… this is her place, this is what she does best. Her heart is full of joy as she jumps choreographing with the dancers, she feels light even when she sings with all her body and soul. And it's exactly at these moments, when life likes to poke at the wound…

Amidst the lights of the place while YN was catching her breath, she saw out of the corner of her eye, among the many people in the stands, a person suspiciously similar to him… Dick Grayson. The breath she was trying to recover to get into the next part of the song gets stuck in her throat as she remains paralyzed while searching for that man in the crowd.

"It's not possible… it can't be him… not today!"

Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne's eldest son, the first Robin, the boy prodigy… these are some of the names and titles he received throughout his life, but all YN wanted to call him was brother. His image was warm and kind, always hugging the other brothers and helping the new Robins adapt, transforming this time with them into something familiar and a memory to keep in the colorful albums of the mind… but why not me? Why does everyone have the right to his charming smile while I am left with the stiff back of ignorance? Why could everyone spend time with him while I was always the last option?

Why? Why? Why?

And unexpectedly, Yn was no longer a confident singer on the path to success, she was a defenseless and insecure girl who sought affection from her brother. She felt transported to the terrible mansion again in a state of agonizing nostalgia, where her small hands tried to intertwine with his with hope… only for him to let go of her hand with a not very disguised look of disgust.

“Oh YN, I can't stay with you now! I have to go to patrol!” With an unapologetic smile, Dick entered the movie theater where his friends from the Teen Titans were for one of their many hang outs.

Yn knew she didn't have the love of Bruce, her father, but was she so terrible that she didn't deserve her brother's affection?

“Can I really call you brother?”

No, you don't deserve it.

At that moment, little voices in her head conspired with YN. Imposter Syndrome? Who knows? She seemed to be slowly succumbing to the many memories of the mansion, the turned backs and the disgusted eyes, the neglect, the cruelty, the shadows in the corner of the smallest room in the house that seemed to be the only refuge besides Alfred himself, who, despite having done everything in his power, still did not fill the emptiness that the girl felt…

Walls full of gold, silver and bronze medals and trophies from various sports, records and photos with important people would be enough to make anyone feel proud of the honors and merits conquered with their own sweat. But for the innocent girl, they were just poor failed plans to get the family's attention. It is no wonder that, when she left the mansion, she left her belongings and the glories of her childhood in the same room without looking back, with the idea of ​​a new path to be taken.

"YN, you go in now." The manager said through the singer's earpiece, counting the seconds for her to enter the chorus……but she didn't enter "YN?"

She was thinking too much, lost in thought, thinking too much……

Why wasn't it enough? Why wasn't I enough? Why? Why?

"YN, are you okay?"

Why was I so lonely? Why didn't anyone want to play with me?

With great skill, the singer next to YN pulled a remix for the two's song when he realized that something was wrong while the stage management called YN backstage, she went there on robotic stages with her hand on the communicator, making the audience think it had just been a technical problem. They got her water and sat her in a chair.

ł ₮ⱤłɆĐ ₴Ø Ⱨ₳ⱤĐ ₮Ø ₲Ɇ₮ ₵ⱠØ₴Ɇ ₮Ø ₮ⱧɆ₥, ł ₮ⱤłɆĐ ₴Ø Ⱨ₳ⱤĐ ₣ØⱤ ₮ⱧɆ₥… ₴Ø ₩ⱧɎ ₩₳₴₦'₮ ł₮ Ɇ₦ØɄ₲Ⱨ? ₩ⱧɎ ₵ØɄⱠĐ₦'₮ ₮ⱧɆɎ Ⱨ₳VɆ ₵Ø₥Ɇ?

"YN, are you okay?" the manager asked, he had been with YN since she started taking her first baby steps in her music career, it was a worrying scene to see her cold and without answering a word, he frowned as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder “YN… we are here with you, what is going on?”

₩ⱧɎ ₩ⱧɎ ₩ⱧɎ ₩ⱧɎ ₩ⱧɎ

“Why?…” she murmured, frowning as she looked up, still lost in old memories and some random point on the ceiling. The confused manager turned his head slightly, confused about what she was talking about.

Friend!Reader, who was nearby and recognized what was happening, as he had been by her side several times when this happened, approached and told the manager that he would take care of her.

“Hey, Earth to YN, what happened there?” he said, hugging YN, she didn’t return the hug, she just stayed leaning against him like a corpse.

“Friend!Reader…?”

“Yes, YN?” he asked

“Why, Friend!Reader…… why not me?” and with whispered words she buried her face in Friend!Reader's shoulders, as she let herself be carried away by the contained emotions and he hugged her trembling form tighter.

The wound that was beginning to heal was opening again, like a bandage aggressively ripped off a skin that was being reconstructed. The wound in her mind pulsed with a constant pain, a memory of something that had never been completely healed. Like a poorly made scar on her skin, the pain was a constant reminder of something that no matter how much she tried to ignore it and start from scratch, it still hadn't been resolved.

Like medicines that have a set time until the end of their effect and at some point, the pain returns, that was Yn's focus while she convinced herself that everything was fine and that she had overcome the situation…. sooner or later the effect wears off, and the pain returns. But while she tried to heal, each emotional trigger seemed to rip the wound open again, causing uncomfortable and uneasy feelings…

“I saw one of them, Friend! Reader… I'm not sure, but… I know I saw him! In the corner of the show, my show….” she whispered to him, almost in tears

“Calm down, YN, let's talk about this…”

“He was there! I'm sure the others must be there too… laughing at me, saying I'm not good enough to be on stage… or maybe, maybe he doesn't even recognize me, you know?”

“That's enough, YN!” said the friend, shaking the singer by the shoulders. He hated seeing her like that, so insecure and fragile. “You can stop right there!”

“You're one of the best people I know, and my best friend! You're really good at what you do, you have an excellent voice and you dance really well! YOU'RE AMAZING!” He continued with a smile on his face “And if a family of rich kids didn’t know how to recognize that in you, that’s their problem! Screw them! If I ask anyone out there, they’ll give you a list of 100 reasons why you’re amazing!”

Then he points to the screen that showed the audience singing and having fun.

“Those people do like your music, but they didn’t come because your music sticks like chewing gum” he jokes and is relieved when he sees a smile on her sad face “They’re here because they admire you YN, whether it’s with a YouTube channel or on a social network all dressed up.”

He then puts a finger on her chin, forcing her to look at him.

“So no insecurity here, no self-sabotage, no sad memories… not here! You’re my best friend, and you’re at the peak of your career. So go out there and ROCK!” With that, Friend!Reader gives YN a big hug and gets excited when he sees that her friend is starting to get back to normal.

“What did you write in those diaries?”

“So many things, I don’t remember right now..” you laugh lightly “But now, the ones I hope like my music are my fans.”

“YES! AND WHAT WILL THEY REALIZE WHEN THEY READ YOUR DIARY?”

“THAT THEY DON’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME!” The two cheer and joke around with each other, with the support of Friend!Reader, she starts to get excited and return to the stage, singing louder and stronger, entering the chorus of the remix.

She remembered the reserved and empty seats of her first shows, all reserved for family, and saw that years later, strangers occupied all the seats in the concert hall. She remembered when she was little, she would rehearse alone in her rooms for school auditions, and now she sings for a large auditorium in one of the biggest capitals in the world. She remembered lame excuses and looks of contempt, and realized that everyone there was looking at her with admiration and love.

Her family wasn't in a haunted mansion, they were backstage taking care of her, they were on stage dancing and singing with her. She knows who the real ones are, so why worry about the ones who aren't? They say that time heals, but in truth, it's the process that heals. It's painful. Agonizing. But when it's over, you look back and realize how much you've come from it.

She sang with every lyric and every syllabary, she intoned the words with truth and determination, she proclaimed from the bottom of her heart with strength to everyone at the concert and to herself:

“HAVE YOU SEEN, COME AND READ MY DIARY THEN YOU WILL SEE THAT YOU DONT MEAN S H I T TO ME”

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Every like, repost and comment is very welcome and appreciated. ♥

@imaginarydreams I hope you like this version of the good ending :D

If any of you want to be tagged, let me know in the comments <3

[flamboyant-king]

I have a lot of penny sleeves for pokemon cards so I got the idea to use them as packaging!

Also I don't have a good printer, so instead you get doodles wheeeee.

The backing postcard thing for the pokemon energies I made with posca markers. Maybe I'll have to print em onto cardstock, but that's just a prototype! I'm thinking "ooh what if they were different pokeball, but that would be too much, no?

My hole puncher can't reach the middle so I taped the fairy energy to the paper instead haha

Look guys! I'm making buttons again (and injuring myself again because I work too hard.)

But I've successfully acquired myself over 200 fairy cards from shuffle through dozens of card shops bulk cards. They're hard to find, man.

I'll open my Etsy shop once I get my tablet and am able to draw digitally again heeho! But it's gonna be stickers and buttons until I get the confidence to get charms made. So keep an eye out!

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 34

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. Please read the TW below and only read on if you feel comfortable doing so.

Also, Merry Christmas! I'm sorry I've been AWOL for the past few weeks, but I finally got a chance to write again and wanted to get this short part to you before Christmas. It will act as the finale to the first book of A Sweet Mishap - I definitely want to continue writing about this couple, but I think this is a nice way to wrap it up for the year and I'll come back with a sequel in the new year.

Potential Trigger Warnings: mentions of violence, rape, therapy, depression, sex

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

I rise early, with the sun like usual despite not having to work today. I refuse to get out of bed until I absolutely have to. But I prop myself up with an obnoxious amount of pillows and drag my laptop over from the empty side of the bed onto my lap. I’m determined to submit all my assessments today before my session with Dr. Katelyn, slowly removing stresses one at a time.

I carefully read through each word and sentence making minor edits as I go and then with a deep breath hit submit on each one. For once, I actually feel highly confident with my essays, knowledge and with the grade that I hope to receive. Despite working myself to the bone all semester with so many priorities to balance I feel I actually managed to submit work that I’m proud of. I attribute it to my steadily improving mental health and clarity.

Once I close down my college tabs I decide to try to do a little planning of my own for the summer. Jensen’s organised so much, a lot that I don’t even know yet–just that he’s got surprises that I’ll like. I grew up in such a small area, yet I know he’s mostly lived in the larger cities, so my plan is to give him more of the country. I research diners and hiking trails and make sure some of my favorite spaces are still operating. The list of things I want to do is extensive, but I know, as much as I want to take the full three months, Stewie will need me back at Mamma Jo’s. He’s agreed to a month so far, but I could tell even that long concerned him. He only agreed becuase he knows he can rely on the juniors, which I promised to train up before I leave Thankfully, most of them have a lot of potential and are fast learners. As I’m searching through sites a Facetime notification pops up and I answer instantly.

“Hey Darlin’! You look comfy.”

“Good morning, Handsome. I am, but there is one thing that would make me comfier…”

“Less than a week and you can fall asleep in my arms every night for a month.”

“Except when we visit my parents…”

“Yeah, except then. But you’ll still be nearby, not a country away.”

“Yeah. I can’t wait! I was actually just researching places I want to take you back home.”

“Really? Any hints?”

I shake my head, “Nope! You’ve got your secrets, I’ve got mine.”

“Fair enough. You got therapy soon?”

“Two hours.”

“They’ll probably need me on set by then. I just wanted to check in while I had a chance.We’re pushing hard to be finished by Friday, I have no doubts. Then there’s just the wrap party that night, then I’ll see you.”

“I wish you could come to my last show…”

“I wish I could show you off at the wrap party. But it’s okay, we get a whole month together in Texas and that means so much more.”

“I really can’t wait. I submitted my assessments this morning, so I’ve just got therapy, a few more shows and my last few shifts at the cafe. I’m counting down each day and each road block. You know I’ve brocken so many of my New Years Resolutions, and I couldn’t be happier. And I owe most of that to you, so thank you.”

“Anything for you. I love seeing that smile on your face, especially knowing I helped put it there. But that’s just it, you’re doing all the work, I’m just here to cheer you on and offer support when you need it. You really are a star, I just want to watch you glow and reignite that spark that others tried to dim.”

I smile at him, then bite my lip as I remember I conversation from my last session with the doctor. “Jens…I thanks…Also, I’ve been meaning to…” He stays ever patient and smiles as I ramble, letting me get there on my own, “I talked to Dr Katelyn last week about my issues with intimacy and some fears, concerns, thoughts about our holiday. I know we’ll be alone alot and likely sharing a bed while we’re at your place and I just…I want to be open to things, but I feel like I’ve never-Nothing’s really ever been on my terms. I’ve always just gone along with what the guy wants. She suggested that maybe I should treat this relationship like a first. Like I’m in highschool and we’re touching each base. Slow and at my pace.”

He nods the whole time. “Of course. Everything is on your terms with me. I’d never push. I’m happy to cuddle, maybe make out and if we don’t have sex during the trip that’s fine. I don’t want you to feel pressured or like I’m expecting anything, because I’m not. I just want to spend time with you. And if you decide it’s too much to sleep in the same bed every night, you can go into the guestroom whenever you want. We can make sure it’s set up nicely for you so you can have a comfortable escape when you need it. A space that’s all yours and I won’t ever go into unless you want me to. We can set it up on the first day if you want. You can choose whatever decor you want.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that. But Jens, what if…What if I want to…you know, have sex at some point?”

“If we get through the first three bases and you are 100 per cent on board and comfortable with going the home run then we tackle that base like all the others. Slow and at your pace. And if we start and you need to stop then you just tell me and we stop, but I’ll be reading all the signs your body gives me and if I think it’s too much I’ll stop it, just like last time.”

I nod, “Okay. Do you mind if I continue to talk to Dr. Kate about it today?”

“I hope you do. But you never need my permission to talk about anything with her. There’s no NDA here, and even if there was it wouldn’t pertain to our relationship. Anything between us is fair game. I think you already know that, but I’ll remind you as much as you need, that will never change.”

“Thanks.” I glance down at the time on my computer screen. “I should start getting ready.”

“Alright, Beautiful. I’ll talk to you tonight. Have a good session and a great day.”

“You too-You have a great-You know what I mean.”

“I do. Bye.” He blows me a kiss as he ends the call and I can’t help but blush. As I drag myself out of the comfy bed and into the shower I think back to that day in December. I really did win the lottery when I accidentally spilt that hot cocoa on him. That was the best sweet mishap I’ve ever made.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never, @deansimpalababy,

@winchesterwild78, @kr804573, @chriszgirl92, @smoothdogsgirl

@speakinvain, @deans-baby-momma, @1967winchesterimpala

@lmg14, @superrey, @kamisobsessed

[nex-is-sleeping]

First meeting...

A Shadow x reader fic

I may actually make this a series- let me know if you want it to be !! But for now, a little oneshot.

"What is so bad about him ?" You ask the blue hedgehog in front of you. "First of all he's a faker. Have you seen him ? He's totally trying to copy me ! And second he's a huge part pooper, I bet he's never had fun in his life, hah !" Sonic joked. You had went out in the forest earlier today and saw a cave, you nearly went in before Sonic had stopped you "I can take care of myself, Sonic !" "Oh yeah ? How about that time Egghead captured you ?" Jested the  azure hedgehog. "That was once. Plus, you're no better yourself ! You're literally a danger magnet." "Well," Sonic chuckles "Danger is my middle name" You rolled your eyes and chortled. "Alright, alright, I gotta go, Y/n, I promised Knux I'd watch the Master Emerald while he goes out with Rouge. See ya !" And he raced off, leaving a trail of dust behind him.

You really wondered about what was in that cave. But Sonic said it was no good because of that Shadow. But then again, what harm could he really do ? You fixed up your fur/hair, and set off into the forest. God, you thought it was earlier. You looked at your watch. Oh, right it's winter. It's only 6:57. You walked through the night, looking at the stars. You didn't know much about them, but hell where they beautiful. You looked Infront of you to find yourself infront of the vast cave from earlier, a light accompanied with some crackling inside. Let's just hope he's in a good mood. You thought as you took the first step into the cave. Wind rushed outside as the rain began and thunder clapped. You jumped in surprise. You slowly walked down, getting closer to the light. You tried your best not to make a sound. Maybe this was a bad idea ? No ! It's just Shadow. He couldn't be any stronger than Sonic. You finally face the fire. You look around... Nothing. Maybe Sonic was wrong ? Maybe he lived in a different cave !a Great. You hate rain, you couldn't leave now. You turn around to sit, but you're met with a face inches from yours.

You yelp and stumble back. You look him up and down. His coat is a jet black, with red streaks running through his quills. On top of his chest is a white puff of fur. His hands are gloved, with gold cuffs. Finally, his eyes. They're crimson and seem to be studying you, finally he speaks "Who are you, and what are you doing here ?" His voice is deep, smooth, and firm. You could only assume this was Shadow. Shadow The Hedgehog. You shook at the break of the silence. You didn't know what to say. It'd be weird if you said you where here for him. You didn't answer. "I asked you, who are you, and what are you doing here ?" He spoke louder, firmer. Shadow was mad that his personal space was invaded, worse, is that it's someone he didn't know. "I-" You cleared your throat to help you sound confident. "I am Y/n L/n. I came for..." You paused. What do you say ? You're train of thought was cut off by the jet black hedgehog infront of you. "Well ? Answer or get out." He demanded. You looked towards the cave entrance, immediately reminded of the thunderstorm. "You're not gonna let me go out in a lighting storm, right ?" You nervously laughed.  Shadow looked at you, and then the cave entrance and thought for a moment. "Fine." You mentally cheered.  You turned around to see the fire behind you, along with a red sleeping bag. That's all there was in this cave. You almost felt sorry for the hedgehog. But, then again, living like this was his choice.

You sat down on the ground, the fire's warmth welcoming you. Shadow studied you some more They didn't tell me why they are here. Why ? And why would they be in this part of Green Hills in the first place ? He thought. You saw Shadow ruthlessly staring you down. It intimidated you almost. "Shadow ?" Shadow fumbled at the break of silence. "How do you know my name ?" Oh shit. How where you supposed to tell him ? Ugh, screw it "I heard of you from one of my friends." "Who ?" "His name is Sonic, Sonic the hedgehog." Shadow groaned at the sound of the blue hedgehog's name. "Don't listen to a word he says, he's just a faker. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Shadow The Hedgehog, otherwise know as The Ultimate Life Form." He clenched his fist infront of him. You slightly cringed at the action. You yawned and looked at your watch, 10:28PM. "Woah, okay ! So, I'm going to go to sleep, alright, Shadow ?" He nodded with a hum. You laid down, using your hand as a pillow. You finally fell asleep.

Shadow looked at you, a smile intruding on his face. He stepped outside, and climbed up onto the roof. He sat down, water droplets wetting his quills. He looked at the moon, remembering his best friend, Maria. If she saw him now, what would she think of him ? Shadow let his feet hang off of the overhang as he laid in the memory of her. He smiled as he thought about the fun times they had on the ARK. How she'd teach him all about the stars, and how she was the first to suggest the streaks in his quills. Suddenly lightning clapped, making a sound too familiar to him. Those great memories he was once basking in became not so great. Shadow remembered leaving his friend, her dying. Tears rose in his eyes. He quickly climbed down the rocky cave and went inside.

The hedgehog went into a corner, slowly rocking himself back and forth, breathing heavily. He tried not to wake you, but failed in doing so. "Shadow..?" You awoke after only about 10 minutes of sleep. You heard quiet sobbing from the other side of the cave. You quickly got up, the tiredness leaving you, and went to comfort the near stranger. "Shadow ?? What's wrong ???" You questioned, but was met with nothing. Instead, you hugged him. Shadow's eyes widened. He couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged him like this. He didn't care that he didn't know you now. He sobbed into your shoulder "I miss her. So, so -hic- much" you rubbed his back. You had no idea who he was talking about, but consoled him anyways. Soon enough, he was asleep in your arms. The hedgehog had cried himself to sleep. You looked at him as he slept in your arms. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to leave him like this ? You stayed, and Shadow subconsciously held onto you like there was no tomorrow. And soon enough, you fell asleep to the sounds of the rain...

[thesargasmicgoddess]

Today, I say goodbye to England...

**warning: emotions and ramblings ahead. 😆

I'm toasting the end of what I'm fondly calling my "2023 World Tour" 😆 I've been home for exactly 7 days since the end of May. I've traveled over 25000 miles over 7 weeks to Asia and England. I've packed and unpacked over 20 times and have been on countless planes, trains, and automobiles.

This last week, I've been overwhelmed with emotions I can't quite fully place yet--but they all seemingly revolve around an aching theme of feeling bittersweet about new and old experiences and longings.

(Well, THAT was a plot twist I didn't expect on this trip. 😂)

There are certain growths that can only be experienced through pushing beyond comfort zones. I was, surprisingly, stronger, less introverted, and more flexible than I ever expected. There were challenges and new things: the nostalgia of old friends and old haunts; the paying of respects to those that are no longer with us; the visiting of those I grew up with; the first time meeting of a longtime online friend.

As exciting as all of this travel has been, I'm ready for home. Maybe it's the absence of routine and home comforts, or maybe it's the mental shifts required for traveling this long and traveling alone, but I seem to be more emotionally vulnerable during this last week. That bittersweet feeling I've had all week hasn't wanted to let up, and I've been trying to chase down all the reasons behind this feeling.

Visiting places that had helped shape the person I am today, 22 years ago, is in itself, bittersweet. I remember 20 year old me thinking about the passions of the future and yearning for more. I've changed quite a bit, yet the buildings and memories remain. It is an odd feeling of time flying by, yet standing still.

I've pondered a lot about the magic of connections on this trip, juxtaposed with the blessed angst of being someone who feels too much. Every touch, every step, every memory, every feel--I want to capture it all like lightning in a bottle, yet it's almost too much to take in all at once some days. I tell myself to breathe, but sometimes I can't quite catch my breath because I feel so much. Wanting to live a full life can be quite overwhelming for introverted souls who feel too much, but I am so blessed to have the fortitude and opportunities to live fully--albeit sometimes a bit crazily 😆

When you think about the growth of a person throughout their lifetime and the range of intense emotions, experiences, thoughts--it's really quite amazing.

I know my blog hasn't exactly been on "fun smut" brand this last week, but I've always been authentic here. And what has been authentic this week has been....well...a lot of writing, emotions, and processing. I believe in balance-- and I believe that to each irreverent light fun side, there is a darker, more soulful, extremely sensitive side lurking right beneath the surface. I've definitely been more of the latter this last week.

If you've read this far, thank you. This was a needed catharsis for me and a step in processing everything.

So, where to go from here?

I'm not sure. It will take me a minute to mentally and emotionally decompress, unpack, and process all the experiences I've had over the last 2 months. My posts have always been mood-dependent and my moods have been all over the place so......stay tuned 😆😂

Since I can't do anything in a normal, typical fashion--I just have to go with the flow and say cheers to adventures and unexpected soul-searching vacations. I will still take living passionately and deeply over feeling nothing at all most days....

But a break for the rest of today might be a good idea. Or else I'm drinking on the plane.😂

After all this rambling, The Corpus Clock and all that it represents seems appropriate for this post 😂

Onward...

[ahedderick]

Not depressed

I feel like I cracked a code. My prior pcp (who retired, I didn't leave her) kept making me fill out "depression questionnaires" before every appointment, no matter what I was there for. And I can appreciate that she didn't want to overlook mental health issues, but it turned into a tug of war. I had some real family challenges, some chronic pain issues, and didn't sleep all that well. Based on honest answers on that questionnaire, I was borderline depressed. But. I. Wasn't. I could not argue her out of her assumption that the questionnaire magically revealed all (wooOOoooO), so I learned to lie on the damned questions.

Fast forward a-l-l the way to last summer. I had an appointment that ended with me getting some meds that reduced minor anxiety, reduced my muscle pain a LOT, and helped me sleep better. WAY better. And I found myself going about my daily work humming cheerfully. And when good things happened, or I had a fun thing to do with one of my kids, I was loving it! I always figured that improving my sleep and reducing daily pain would have a big effect - but I did not know how big.

And I think (better late than never, I guess) that the one thing I could have communicated better to that Dr, to keep her from focusing on depression, would have been to explain how cheerful I am on a day with good rest and low pain. When good things happen, I enjoy them unreservedly. A hallmark of clinical depression is that folks fail to get enjoyment out of things that they would ordinarily love. I have been there, years ago, and I know how that feels.

Sadly, the medication that was helping so much turned out not to be friends with my liver. I had to stop it after a couple months. But I'm still doing better than I was. And I'm going to DETERMINEDLY hum cheery music while I drag out my best step ladder and dust very high things in my living room today. Also, my husband fixed the one broken piece of the quilt frame, so I'm going to assemble that and try it out!! And I have a date with a rough board and a something called a 'palm sander'.

Love to the mutuals, the commenters, the lurkers, and all. It does me a lot of good to have a place to put my thoughts - outside of my head!

[radioisntdead]

My friend.

Charlie & Reader

Song used

Warnings: temporary Ghost reader????? Messy, I may or may not have been writing through tears this was very emotionally driven, who gave me writing access during spirals???

"I'm limited..." You spoke, eyes half lidded, staring at your dearest friend, someone who was like a sister to you.

"Just look at me," you motioned to yourself, "I'm limited..." A spear was embedded in your stomach, blood stained your clothes.

"And just look at you," you were so, so proud of her, how far she's come, "You can do all I couldn't do," Unlike you she was okay, still alive, unharmed, physically anyways, she was not okay mentally.

"Charlie, so now it's up to you," she held you in her arms, your oldest and dearest friend, Charlie held you in her arms, tears swelling up in her eyes, she couldn't do much to comfort you, you were dying, and she couldn't stop it.

You placed your hand on her face, wiping away her tears.

"For both of us, now it's up to you." You said with a smile before the light finally left your eyes, Charlie caught your hand as it slid off her face, gently resting atop of your stomach before picking your lifeless body to hide away in a safe spot until after extermination to give you a proper burial.

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives," Charlie placed you behind one of the hotels crumbled walls, she placed a blanket over you to try and protect you from anything that fell.

"For a reason, bringing something we must learn," This wasn't the time for a musical ballad but a moment to mourn her friend was alright wasn't it?

"And we are led to those who help us most to grow," you and Charlie had been friends since you were small, both hellborn, roughly the same age.

You were her biggest supporter from day one and she was yours.

"If we let them, and we help them in return," you were her wingman when she wanted to properly ask Vaggie out, you were the first person she was excited for Vaggie to meet, you, her best friend, you were the one pulling out the "Hurt her and I'll hit you with a shovel." Talk.

"Well, I don't know if I believe that's true," she remembered when she first wanted to redeem sinners, she showed up at your mansion, papers full of drawings in hand at some late hour.

You just rubbed your sleepy eyes and let her in, and listened to her ramble about her plans.

"But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you,"

You were a little skeptical on how everything would play out but you were supportive! Encouraging her dreams. You laid down with her on your floor sketching out ideas for the hotel, what they'd have, what it'd look like, and more.

"Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun," She stood up from where she left you to wait, each moment she delayed getting back, the more lives would be lost.

"Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood," She never thought that she would lose you, not like this, you were supposed to be in her life forever, you were supposed to be her maid of honor when she married Vaggie, you were supposed to see her dreams come true, and now you wouldn't.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better?" She doesn't know who she would've become without your influence, maybe she would've taken after her mother more, maybe she would've given up on the hotel, but she didn't, she had you and Vaggie cheering her on, like her own personal team of cheerleaders.

"But because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

She could swear she could hear your voice in the air as she walked away from you to return into the fight, people needed her.

"It well may be that we will never meet again," Some hellborn had souls, like Charlie for example, but you, you didn't know if you had a soul and therefore even if Charlie's redemption hotel worked, you hadn't a clue on where you would go, you didn't want to go, you still had so much left to do, you had your own dreams to accomplish.

"In this lifetime, so let me say before we part," at least hers was on its way to becoming true, that was good enough for you.

Charlie was off-putting to you at first, she was always excitable, always ambitious, she was the type to want to stay positive and see the good in things while you were more of a pessimist.

You two balanced each other out well,

"So much of me is made of what I learned from you," she taught you to see the good in things while you taught her to be more realistic about things.

"You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart," the two of you had made a giant impact on each other, your paths were intertwined and it was time to go your separate ways.

"And now whatever way our stories end," it was time for you to rest now, you had made your impact, your story was ending, while hers was ongoing.

"I know you have re-written mine by being my friend," you were glad to have met her, you would've given her everything she dreamed of on a sliver platter if you could.

"Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea," Charlie supported your dreams, they were a little bit more easier to achieve then hers were but you wanted achieve them yourself without any help from your friend, "Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood,"

Of course that didn't stop her from helping.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better?" It's quite an interesting thought to think about who you would've been without Charlie's Influence, maybe you would've been more gloomy about things, you certainly wouldn't be in the position you were in right now that's for sure.

"But because I knew you..." The people you loved influenced you, and the people who loved you were influenced by you.

"Because I knew you..."

You listened to a playlist Charlie had made of all of your favorite songs when you were younger because she made it for you, Charlie liked that one dessert because you had made it for her when she was feeling upset, You knew how to swear in Spanish because Vaggie had taught you, Vaggie knew so many shitty jokes because you had told them to her, You picked up some of Angel's vocabulary and he picked up some of yours because you talked so much, you liked a certain drink because Husk encouraged you to try it, and Husk started saying that one slang word you used every other sentence because you had drilled it into him, you started listening to the radio thanks to Alastor and despite how he denied being friends with you, he used that recipe of yours for sour lemon bars often.

"I have been changed for good,"

You wouldn't change anything for the world.

"And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness," although you felt bad for leaving everyone behind, but they'll have each other still.

"For the things I've done you blame me for," you wouldn't trade the arguments you've had, the fights that ended in tearful apologies and songs, the joyous moments of just living with your friends for a second chance.

"But then, I guess we know there's blame to share," you wondered if you'd be able to miss them when you were dead, would you be able to watch over them? Becoming another pair of eyes on a building?

"And none of it seems to matter anymore,"

Things would never be the same down here, they'd be changing as time continued, it wouldn't stop just because you died,

"Oh, like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun," "Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea,""

The world wouldn't stop for anyone, it keeps on spinning and going.

"Like a stream the meets a boulder halfway through the wood," "Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood,"

They'd win that day, Adam would die.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better?"

Two portraits would be hung up, one of Sir Pentious and another of you.

"I do believe I have been changed for the better,"

Even if you weren't there anymore you could keep watching the hotel, you could keep watching her.

"And because I knew you..." You always thought you and Charlie would be in each other's lives forever, be the maid of honor at each other's weddings if you had them, watch each other's dreams come true, be friends until the end of time.

"Because I knew you..."

But you had to leave now, but she has Vaggie and your other friends still.

You were practically her sibling, you were with her from the start, and while you didn't make it to the end, you were the reason she could.

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

You could rest in peace, knowing that she'll be okay, your sacrifice would not be in vain, she was your best friend someone you'd do anything for, when you told her you'd take a bullet for her once, half jokingly late at night during a sleepover years ago, but you meant it, you didn't think the bullet would be a spear though.

Good evenin' folks! My mental state has been a little scattered about, the brainworms hate to see me thriving so they decided to make me think all my friends hate me [they don't hate, I know they don't, I love them and they love me :]

SO to try and get those thoughts out, I'm writing friendship angst, lots and LOTS OF FRIENDSHIP ANGST, anyways as always thank you for tunin' on in and I hope you have a wonderful night!

Psst Join our discord!

[whitexwolfxx310]

Total Eclipse of the heart

Pairing: Bucky x female reader

Summary: After an encounter where Bucky seems to not know who you are, you start to find out answers. Not one's that you were expecting either.

Warnings: Y/N, cursing, super angst.

Word Count: 4K

A/Ns: Sorry for the long pause between chapters. I had to take some time to deal with my mental health. But I am back! I finished this and will be posting the next chapter ASAP because I wrote that one already as well. If you would like to be added to my taglist, please let me know! I love hearing from y'all so please feel free!

Previous Part

Masterlist

An entire month has gone by but it feels like an eternity. Aside from the one encounter when everyone arrived home from the Soviet Union, the two of you have been kept separate from one another. Tony and Bruce had both agreed that the emotional response from Bucky when he saw you could be triggering, to us both.

It was difficult to try and go through the regular day to day motions when life seemed to have done a complete 180. Everything changed. Sections of The Compound were now 'off limits'. Anytime you asked about Bucky, no one seemed to 'know anything'. It wasn't until Nat 'accidentally' slipped that he had been taken to Wakanda for treatment did you know anything.

'Our' home turned into your home. Bucky's clothes and belongings were taken from the apartment day by day as they worked diligently on treatment. His scent gradually dissipated from the bedsheets with each passing day. Nothing of him was left except one photograph- not even Alpine was left behind.

Which is understandable...But, God I miss them both- more than I let on.

Sitting at the kitchen island, which is normally decorated with cheerful, bright sunflowers and whatever sweet concoction Bucky cooked that morning, felt so bleak and lonely. Each passing day turned one of your favorite places within the home into a very dark one.

*Ding*

The soft tone from your cell is accompanied with a text notification pops up. It's Steve.

"Hey y/n... Can you meet me in the conference room?"

Your thumbs hover over the screen, twitching slightly as each response and scenario collide with one another in your head.

"Um..." You say aloud.

"Sure. See you in a few." Is the response you decided to go with.

You're torn. Part of you wants to run as fast as you possibly can to hear what Steve has to say. The other wants to walk at a snails pace- afraid of what he's going to say. You quickly decide on the median between the two. Not too eager either way.

The walk seemed as though it took forever, like awaiting to cross the finish line of a marathon. Stepping out of the elevator, the glass enclosed conference room came into view. Standing in the corner was Steve, arms instinctively crossed over his chest. He was having what seemed like an easygoing conversation with Tony who stood opposite of him and adjacent to Bruce. Their body language seemed somewhat relaxed, which is good? I think.

Lightly knocking on the glass you catch the attention of all three men. Giving a nervous and awkward wave, Tony motions for you to come in and join them. Hesitantly, you walk in.

"Hey y/n..." Steve immediately greets, bringing his arms down to his sides to seem more relaxed.

"Hey guys..." You answer, meekly. "What's going on?"

It's impossible to force out the casual and polite 'how are you?' 'nice weather we're having today' 'how has work been?' bullshit. I need to know.

"We..." Tony lets out a deep breath as he folds one arm across his chest and the palm of his hand under his chin. "We want to discuss Barnes."

"Okay...?" You reply reluctantly as you look between the three men.

"Why don't you have a seat?" Bruce suggests, looking to Steve and Tony as he politely pulls out one of the wheeled office chairs for you.

Taking a deep breath you oblige, scooting in closer to the conference table and laying your hands flat on the cool surface. It's depressing how any iced cold touch reminds you of Bucky.

The men follow suit, sitting down as well. All four of you collected on one side of the meeting table. The air was stiff, almost as if this were an intervention and each one waited to see who would be the first to speak.

Well it's not going to be me...

"Buck's doing better. A lot better actually!" Steve says optimistically, being the one to break the silence.

"True..." Tony interjects. "But this is unknown territory. While I have all the faith in the world in T'Challa, we've been down this road before-"

"We've made huge strides, Tony." Bruce says, trying to acknowledge both men's opinions but remaining as Switzerland.

"What we're trying to say..." Steve gives you a small nod and half smile, "Is that Buck's back. And...he's asked to see you."

Everyone is looking to you for some sort of answer. But what is the proper way to handle this? There isn't any self help books for 'what to do when your boyfriend's mind resorts back to being an assassin and may not remember you'.

"He... wants to see me?" It comes out as surprised as you feel and yet the only thing you can focus on is the frigidness under your palms.

"Don't worry, it's safe. He's safe. I mean-you'll be safe." Bruce stutters over his words as he tries to sound reassuring.

"Has anyone told you that you are great at giving preparation speeches, Banner?" Tony rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Y/n..." He starts, leaning in more. "We have been working diligently with Barnes. It seems as though pretty much everything is back to normal but..."

Again with the hesitations. Just fucking spit it out already.

"There's holes." Bruce says. Steve and Tony both give him an annoyed look.

I swear he's just in here for comic relief at this point.

"Holes?" You reiterate.

"It's like..." Steve breathes out, long and heavy. "It's like Buck's got all the pieces to the puzzle but can't put them all together just yet. Certain pieces fit and some he's still trying to figure out." He says, hopeful.

"And...he asked to see me?"

After not seeing him for a month since that horrifying interaction, the idea seems so foreign. The men all nod their heads slightly in agreement.

“I can take you to see him now if you would like?” Steve offers. Always the gentleman.

Your eyes instantly drop to look at your oversized grey Iron Maiden t-shirt, black leggings and white slip on's.

“Um...” You look back up at Steve starting to feel self conscious. “Can I clean up and then we care go together?”

“Sure, y/n.” He replies, with his famous warm side smile.

What is the perfect outfit to wear to go see your boyfriend/would have been fiancé for the first time since a once thought dissipated paramilitary terrorist organization that has come back and might be an almost robotic assassin who might not entirely remember your relationship existed?

I mean, is this going to be like meeting him for the first time? Again? Is everything going to go back to the way it was before? Can that even happen?

The thoughts swirled around your mind like a confused cow in a tornado.

Stepping out of the elevator, Steve is waiting with a familiar smile.

“Come on… someone’s waiting for you.” He cordially holds out his arm for you to link onto. Faking the smile in return, you lock arms.

“Thanks, Steve.”

For so many things. For making sure Bucky came home (and not in a body bag), for supporting both of us, for everything in between and including up to this very moment where he is physically keeping you stable.

"I...really appreciate you." There was no way that you could possibly express your gratitude, even if it feels as though your stomach will drop any second.

Steve had led you to the common area; a relaxing spot with a small café. (The one with shitty coffee, according to Bucky). There is a few small tables set up, all of them empty accept for one. Bucky sits alone, his back facing you. Thanks for the dramatic affect. Giving you a small, encouraging squeeze on your shoulder, Steve let's you go.

One step at a time.

It's simple enough and yet you can't move your legs. The nervousness of now having to be on your own almost has completely taken you over. Looking down at your feet, you will them with all of your might to make a move.

One foot. Just one.

Glancing up through hooded eyes, Bucky is still in the same seat- same position. You notice that he is sitting completely upright, tense, nervous. He is as just as fearful of the situation...and you.

Being focused on him, you instinctively take a step. Just that one step turns into every single cell in your body being drawn to him. To run up, him scoop you in his arms and swing you around for the most memorable reunion. You know he'll catch you- and yet you're holding back.

But you decide to play it carefully, respectfully. He hears your faint, delicate footsteps and froze. I've never seen anyone become so suddenly still. Your heart is pounding like a monster trying to break free from it's cage; Pulse whooshing like a relentless wave refusing to ease. Within a single blink of an eye, he was standing- waiting for me.

There was a look of bewilderment on his face, one I have never seen before. Your feet come to a screeching halt, feeling as though they had abruptly encased in cement. Your eyes meet, instantaneously diving into his glacier blue eyes- An unbreakable metal cable connecting your hearts as you begin to move once more. Each step closing the distance you have felt for what felt like ages. That over encompassing feeling of being stuck in a cold, dark, black void.

His mouth opens, taking in a shallow breath as his eyes dart frantically dance between your features.

"You're..." Bucky begins, finally being able to hold his gaze steadily into your eyes. "...real." Relief spilled from the word as he breathed it out. You didn't realize that you had been holding in the air within your lungs.

He doesn't remember? To him it was all...just a dream? I have been begging, pleading with the universe to have him back. I got what I wanted, just not in the way I expected.

Your mouth goes dry- keeping the ability to swallow the large, insufferable lump in your throat.

"Um..." It was hard to keep your voice from cracking, to keep it from mirroring the shattering of your heart. "Last time I checked?" You say, managing a small, fake laugh. The anxiety lodged in your throat travels down your body, now making its appearance in the form of white knuckled fists- Which you quickly move behind your back to hide.

The awkwardness between us felt like a glass wall. You could see him, hear him- but there is a part of him tucked away again.

Bucky's gloved hands froan in the pockets of his black leather jacket he's wearing. A tall tale sign of his insecurity; the gloves a form of comfortability and protection.

His eyes flashed briefly behind your shoulder, a small smirk on his face.

"So..." The grin stayed as his eyes honed in on yours once again. "Would you want to go for a walk?" His torso twisted slightly, using his bent right elbow to point towards the door.

Frozen. Your lips part and yet nothing comes out. He's waiting for some kind of reply but still, nothing. Bucky leans in closer, the smokiness of his campfire smell completely intoxicating.

"Somewhere private?" This time he stares at something over your shoulder. Curiosity gets the better of you- looking over your shoulder, it reveals Sam and Steve huddled in a corner. They abruptly bump into one another, failing to act casual.

Turning back to meet each others gaze once again, a small laugh escapes in unison at the silliness of your eavesdropping friends.

That smile, the laugh. God, that laugh. The saying 'music to my ears' would do it such an injustice.

Nodding in agreement, you bite on the edge of your tongue. Those overwhelming, missing words are now dying to be shouted out.

"Lead the way." He says, gently.

The Compound was surrounded by lively Summer scenery. It had plush, full green trees. The birds chirping their love songs to one another- the smell of dense humidity delicately mixed with citrus and bloomed flowers.

Small white dwarf clovers swish against your feet as you walk through the grass. You'd swear you were alone if you didn't keep sneaking glances at Bucky to make sure it wasn't a dream. His stride was feline- deliberately light and practically soundless.

Stopping on a small hilltop overlooking a field of lavender, you can't bring yourself to look at him. Your body pulses with electricity over the physical closeness of his body to yours. There is only the sound of the whisp of the wind as you stare out into the abyss of purple.

The silence was aching to your soul. Thoughts are whirling around your brain, trying to find the perfect words to convey just how much he means to you. That love, our love, could defy any odds thrown our way.

You know the scene in the romance movies when one person breaks down and emotionally confesses all of their hopes and dreams? It's me, hi.

You don't have to propose, you already know what my answer would be. Let's buy a house and make it a home, just the two of us. Or not. I want Bucky babies- as many as you want. I want to wake up to their laughter ringing through the house- knowing because you wake up so early that you'll be the first thing that they see. Send you to the gas station at 2am for an ice cream and loaded cheese fries craving. The endless laughs I know we'll share as a family. I want to argue about not getting everything on the shopping list. There isn't anything in this universe or the next that could tear us-

"I don't know why this is so difficult." He starts in a soft tone.

Oh no.

"I know you. I know that I know you." He's nervous, rambling. "I feel it in my bones when I look at you. Just being in your presence is soothing to me. You're extremely important to me, y/n." He pauses.

I don't like pauses.

"But..." Bucky exhales a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself. He turns to you and you mirror the movement, now facing each other. You hold the air in your lungs, hanging onto every word. "The best way that I can explain it is..." His hands move in a small circular motion as he tries to find his own words. "It's like reading a book. You can see it in your mind, but it's not physical, realistic."

A wave of cold washed over your body from head to toe, as if someone dumped a bucket of ice water over your head. Your eyes burn from the refusal to blink and let the tears fall. It still must have conveyed on your face, because Bucky's eyes search within yours- a sincere expression replacing his concern.

"Are..." Your voice cracks. Clearing your throat, you fight to get the words out. "Are you...saying that we're" You hesitate, almost choking on the word that feels like bile rising in your esophagus "...over?"

"God, no!" You can feel your eyes roll back slightly at the comfort of those words. Bucky gently takes your hand and places it over his chest; both of his hands enclosing them over his. It's hard not to stare when you can feel the accelerated beating of his heart under the scarring where skin meets metal.

"I'm just asking for us to take it slow. As long as that's okay with you?" His tone is soft but hopeful as he paired it with puppy dog eyes.

"Of course." You lie- your teeth clasped painfully down on the edges of your tongue to keep from saying anything else. His sigh of alleviation along with the instant release of tension in his shoulders shows you made the right decision.

"Thank you, y/n." Bucky whispers as he leans in, leaving behind the faintest kiss on your cheek. If your eyes weren't open to see the physical contact, you would swear it was from the tame breeze.

There was a time not so long ago that we would have taken advantage of being alone on this hill. Laying down in the plush grass surrounded by flowers, the petals getting stuck to the sweat on our bodies. Bucky moaning your name into the crook of your neck as you intertwined and moved as one. Your entire body so sensitive to his delicate, but firm touch, to the point it was almost painful- and yet you couldn't help but beg for more.

Yet, here we are now- resorting back to elementary school hand holding. Selfishly, you wanted more, but didn't have the heart to ask for more. He just seemed... so happy with the idea.

"Well then, I guess it would be okay to resume our sessions for the time being." You say jokingly walking into your office with him closely behind. Bucky lets out a small, genuine laugh as he takes a sits on the sofa across from your desk.

"Anything noteworthy happen while I was gone?"

"Well," You start, grinning as you walk to lean back on the edge of the desk to face him. "There have been quite a bit of complaints about the coffee. I guess you aren't the only one who hates The Compounds brand of choice. I think Rocket misses you- or, at the very least, messing with you. And if I'm being honest..." You place a hand on your belly, rubbing it slightly. "I've lost a few pounds without my personal chef/baker around."

A flicker of wholesome playfulness flashes in those crystal eyes; contagious enough to for it to reach his smile. The fluttering of butterfly wings caress against the lining inside your stomach. Nothing could keep from that infectious ray of light from tugging at your very soul.

"I promise to rectify that as soon as possible, Sunshine." The emphasis of your nickname blanketed around your bones like warm honey. The giddiness made you look away- but only for a moment. You're transfixed on him; Afraid that if he wasn't in your line of sight, he would disappear.

"I know that you're too polite to ask..." Bucky starts, his expression changing. "But I want to tell you about what happened overseas."

Oh shit.

Your fingers tighten around the edge of your desk in preparation. Giving him a small, understanding nod- he continues.

"Russia was... eventful to say the least." He says, almost baffled. "To make a long story short: We got there, followed a few leads that wound up being dead ends and were getting ready to head back home." Bucky is slumped back in his seat on the couch, eyes focused on his pointer finger lazily tapping against his knee; completely zoned out at the recollection.

You now painfully sit in silence, waiting for him to tell you what happened in his own words and in his own time. Biting your tongue to not blurt out all of your questions, needing answers.

"The entire time that we thought this mission was a bust- we were being watched. Studied."

"Studied?" You repeat. "By who?"

"If a head is cut off, two more shall take it's place." He says cryptically and barely audible as he looks up from the floor.

"What?" You ask, becoming more confused. The more in depth Bucky goes, the more distant he seems to get.

"Hydra will never be gone." His tone sounds like an admission to defeat. "There are still people out there who believe in 'their cause'." This came out more as disgust. "They've...replaced me. Created a new 'me'." He's disappointed; thinking that it had just been him all along to discover that there is more.

"Steve and I got separated from the rest of the team. We had each others backs, just as we always have. But..." He sighs, hesitating before he speaks again. "As we tried to make our way out, we found ourselves in some kind of detaining room? It felt familiar." Bucky stares straight forward, looking through some unseen void. "I-... I pushed Steve back through where entered before it closed but someone else was in there with me. I don't remember if I passed out or what. But when I woke up, I had a difficult time recalling anything, anyone. As if I had amnesia."

His whole body is tense as he recalls the memory. It must be difficult for him, living his whole life trying to distinguish what is real and what's not.

"Bucky..." You take a few steps closer; hand impulsively reaching out, placing it on top of his gloved hand as you knelt on the floor in front of him.

He didn't flinch- Not in the way he used to when you first met. There was familiar hint of pain and nervousness behind his eyes.

"And all I could see, was you. Flashes of you smiling, laughing..."

Bucky leans forward, somewhat onto his knees, turning your hand over and gently holding onto it as he intensely looks in your eyes.

"But I... couldn't remember. I thought that maybe it had all been a dream. But when I saw you in person at the medical bay, I knew that it hadn’t been just a fantasy, it was actual memories. I am just so....fucked up." He says in revulsion.

He'll never forgive himself.

"We're all a little fucked up." You admit.

There is something to be said for losing yourself. Sometimes being lost is the only way to be found. You may find a strength you never knew that you had, or see others painted in a different light; will they disappear or help you find your way out of the dark? And if we get out of that darkness, does a piece come back with us?

Bucky's face suddenly hardened, solely focused on something. A switch flipped- the light had gotten ripped away from his eyes. He was staring so intensely that it was uncomfortable. Feeling self conscious, you look down- trying to seek what had exclusively had his attention. In shifting slightly, you see that he isn't concentrating on you; but something behind you.

With unintentional slowness you start to turn around, goosebumps taking over the entire top layer of your skin. Your mind is racing trying to fathom what could be in your office to have him triggered like this. But nothing was there. No person, no being, nothing out place.

Your lungs let out every last bit of air that they held onto in relief. And yet, nothing changed. There was a mysterious uneasiness gripping onto the room.

"Bucky...?" You hesitantly ask; still looking between him and whatever still had him in an almost trance.

Carefully, he moved you out of the way and in four strides, Bucky’s at the bookcase behind your desk.

Standing up, you take a step forward. “Bucky…?” You ask again.

Grabbing a framed picture that was standing in the bookshelf, he starts to look over the picture- taking in every small detail. His head whips around to look back at you, his eyes frantic as his eyes bounce between the picture and you.

“What?!” You can’t hide the urgency of needing to know any longer.

“It’s him.” Barely audible.

Taking a few steps closer, you see that Bucky is holding the picture of you with your brother, Luke. You let an exhale of relief out. But he’s still looking over the picture obviously feeling uneasy.

“You’ve seen this picture a hundred times… what’s wrong?”

“It’s him” He repeats “My replacement. The newest super soldier… is Luke.” His voice is low, exacerbated. You roll your eyes.

"C'mon, Bucky. You know that my brother has been dead for two years. That would be impossible!" I get that he's been through a lot lately, but this? Bringing my dead family member into it?

"What I'm saying is..." His eyes are intensely locked on yours, "He isn't dead. Never was. And your brother..." Bucky doesn't breathe as his expression tries convey the seriousness of his next words, "He's alive. And...he's the new face of Hydra."

Next Part

@peaches1958 @aquabrie @elsie-bells @pono-pura-vida @redbloodedgurl @almosttoopizza @beware-my-thorns @prettylittlepluviophile @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @calwitch @ozwriterchick @roofwitty779 @lessersole @lil-darhk @agoddoesnotplead @saranghaey @floralwsloki @erinallene @fafafalafel @mrsvxder @elizabeth916 @winterassisin84

[mariska]

hi friends. mainly making this post on here in case my friends have noticed me absent socially from pretty much all my main interactions social media places cus i have very very little to no social skills/energy and i dont want folks worrying about my inability to talk like at all lately even through text instead of voice.

a few days ago my grandpa passed away after a brief amount of time in hospice care with mainly my moms looking after him in shifts. he was in his 90's so it was somewhat expected but it still happened really quick in the grand scheme of things and i'm not coping well at all with it, especially because i was too scared of visiting him these past couple months for multiple reasons having to do with me being immunocompromised more so than usual on a new hormone med i've been taking, my severe agoraphobia, and to be completely honest, i could not bear to see him in a slow state of death because i knew the image would never leave my head.

we were always really close. he was on my non-biological side of my family (i have 2 moms and was born via known donor father so im only genetically related to one side of my family and they don't live in the US) but he was absolutely autistic (never formally diagnosed but fit all the criteria to a T the same way i did before getting diagnosed, like VERY similarly to me it was almost eerie in a good way), he was there when i first started learning how to swim cheering me on when i was very little visiting him and my (also deceased) grandma with my moms, he sent me custom printed birthday + christmas cards using his own scanned family photos and 90's tower computer (that he originally built on his own originally, he loved building computers especially when i was little and it was like The New Home Tech Thing, only reason my family even had a computer when i was growing up is because he custom built one for us and sent us sheets and sheets of instructions on how it all worked and how to install things and such), he gifted me my first digital art tablet in my tweens/early teens (which if you know me, digital art eventually became my main and preferred visual art medium for drawing/painting and i still use the same brand of usb plug in tablets today that the original gifted one was).

anyways. sorry for rambling it's just been. um. like very hard. trying to. get through the days. i also had an extremely re-traumatizing doctor's appointment the same day he died (my mom who took me did not tell me before the appointment and waited until after which i am genuinely so thankful for theres no way i would have been able to go to that appt if i'd had his death on my mind beforehand) and, thankfully again, the doctor i saw is a very very kind trauma-informed woman who was super patient and understanding with me, and knew the appointment would be traumatizing cus we had discussed why that would be at the previous first appointment i had with her and she did all she could on her end to help make it less stressful and scary for me, but, y'know. still brought back some very intense personal trauma that i've only really started trying to mentally process in the past few years.

so that is. a very abridged explanation as to why i have not been able to reply to most messages on here and texts and discord and such and i'm super super sorry about being so MIA. i just do not have the ability to let everyone know individually why i am disappearing in and out from plans and conversations so i'm hoping most of you will see this post here and that way i maybe won't feel as bad as i do about very much unintentionally ghosting so many of you that i truly care about very much 💔

[themuffin2649]

Haunted!AU scenarios, but the Rival didn’t kill the Love Interest, they LI got married to the MC, then died from an unknown and incurable illness.

—————

1.) Cheater

MC: “Man, I miss Leon. The house is so empty without him.”

Vincent wanted to say something to comfort him, but knew that what he said last time offended him.

Then an Idea popped up in his head, maybe his actions could provide something.

Vincent: “Hey, I think I know what will cheer you up.”

MC: “What is it?”

Vincent goes up and plays some music on his phone.

Vincent: “C’mon, let’s dance, they say that physical activity is good for making people feel better both physically and mentally.”

MC smiles a bit a gets up, the two start dancing to the music.

All of a sudden, one of the items on the shelf somehow lands on MC’s head. Luckily it was just the stuffed teddy bear Leon gave to him as a gift.

Vincent: “What the?!”

MC: “I’m ok, but I have no idea why that bear just landed on me. Maybe I should keep it on the bed.” He said, picking the bear, however, when he flips it over, the message terrified him.

There, in red marker, marked the words “Cheater” on the bear.

MC: “Umm… Vincent, I think now’s a good moment to leave.

Vincent didn’t dare to question why to not upset MC as he leaves the room in defeat, taking his phone with him. Long a after Vincent as left, MC took a long sigh.

MC: “Leon, there’s a difference between cheating and a simple hangout with a friend.”

Leon writing on a piece of paper on MC’s desk: “I beg to differ.”

—————

2.) Are Pigs Cats?

MC places down a bowl of carrots to feed William, keeping his promise to his late husband Vincent to take care of their son.

William: “Oink! Oink!”

MC: “Sorry William, no playtime today.”

William just lies down and huffs in disappointment. Without his dad to spoil him, and his second father only meeting his basic needs, everything felt so lonely.

All of a sudden, Leon knocks on the door. MC let’s him in, but there’s no joy in meeting him.

Upon sensing Leon’s presence, Vincent’s ghost appears and growls. He has the audacity to try to woo over his husband after his death, well he ain’t done with him!

However, when even he did do something to convince Leon to leave, knocked over glasses, notes with the letter “Leave” on it, Leon just shrugged it off.

Vincent: “Dammit! What am I doing wrong?”

All of a sudden, William walks into the room, and perks up in excitement.

Vincent: “Huh?”

The pig then runs up to his father waiting for pets, only to go through him. MC and Leon just figured that it was the animal being weird and continued on with their activities.

Vincent: “Hey William, it looks like you can sense me.” He said, waving his hand

The pig squealed in joy as he sensed the hand waving, which means hello.

Vincent smirked, if he can’t physically burden Leon, then maybe his son would pick up what he left behind. Vincent then hovered over Leon and whistled, ordering him to attack.

Then pig then ran up to Leon and started tackling him.

Leon: “WHAT THE?!”

MC: “WILLIAM, NO! BAD PIG!!” He said, getting William off Leon.

MC: “I am SO sorry Leon, I didn’t know he would act like this. He must have been upset about my neglect, I’m so sorry to both of you.”

Leon: “It’s… fine, he didn’t hurt me.”

MC then put William in his room so that he wouldn’t attack Leon again.

Vincent then levitated some treats from MC’s room towards his William as a reward.

Vincent: “Sorry I can’t give you pets, but this should do.”

William: “Oink! Oink!”

Vincent: “Good Boy!”

—————

3.) Turn that Shi- Off!

Seeing his brother MC so down after losing his husband Leon (why did they marry at 18), Newt was feeling pretty sad too. He was reading his usual paranormal books about the undead until it gave him the idea to cheer his brother up.

Newt: “Hey Big Bro! I have an idea that might cheer you up!”

MC: “What is it?” He said, not even looking at his brother.

Newt: “I found this instruction on this textbook here about the guaranteed summoning of ghosts.”

MC: “Little Bro, I don’t have time to participate in your fiction, Espeically when it has to to anything with Leon…” he said with a frown.

Newt frowned as well, discouraged to continue. He just wanted to cheer his brother up, but that was a failure.

MC: “Look, Little bro, I’m sorry. I’m just angry, I know you only wanted to cheer me up.”

Newt: “No, it was rude of me to bring him up, especially with-”

MC: “No, please! You can try your experiment if you want, maybe it will cheer me up.”

Newt then finished reading his experiment, and apparently they only needed a radio.

Newt: “Ok, apparently it has to play the song ‘Welcome Old - FNF’ on this radio, and the nearest ghost should gain enough energy to materialize.

He turned on the radio, only to instantly regret it.

MC: “UGH! WHAT IS THIS?! TURN IT OFF!!”

All of a sudden, Leon’s spirit materialized enough to throw the radio to the wall to break it, silencing the music, before disappearing.

MC: “Oh my God…”

Newt: “Umm, Big Bro, I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to-”

MC: “That was Leon… My Leon.” He started crying tears of Joy. Even though their meeting was… unconventional, he knew that Leon was still with him.

—————

4.) Dreaming

One night, after having dinner with Newt, MC goes to bed and has a peculiar dream.

MC: “Huh?”

The boy found himself in a garden full of red roses, upon exploring that garden, he found a small table with a tea set and someone sitting in the chair, wait, that wasn’t just somebody.

Vincent: “Miss me?”

The boy wanted to cry as he ran up and hugged Vincent. The man hugged back warmly.

MC: “Why did you leave me?”

Vincent: “I’m sorry Honey, I didn’t mean to leave you, it was that stupid fucking disease. I swear, my family better spend a good fortune to make that microscopic pest go extinct.” He said with a growl.

Despite his anger, MC couldn’t help but laugh at the last statement.

MC: “Just… let me spend a moment here.”

Vincent: “I wasnt going to make you leave.”

The two get seated and started drinking the tea.

MC: “I can’t taste this.”

Vincent: “Well duh, you’re dreaming.”

MC: “I am? Wait, doesn’t lucid dreaming typically have myself figure that out instead of it being told?”

Vincent: “It’s… uhh… a first time experience I guess.”

MC: “Oh, so you’re not him…” he said, dejected.

As much as Vincent wanted to admit that it was really him, he couldn’t just out his presence as a supernatural being that invaded his dream.

Vincent: “I still love being with you.” He said with a smile.

MC: “Hey Vince, I have a question.”

Vincent: “What is it?”

MC: “How do I properly pet William.”

Vincent: “First of all, don’t scratch him, my son is not a cat, or a dog. Second of all, he loves being gently stroked on the head, but don’t do it for too long, he’ll get overstimulated.”

MC: “Got it, thanks Vincent.”

~~~

MC wakes up in his bed and finds that William had jumped on and slept next to him overnight. MC then remembers his dream, and decided to follow what the man said. To his surprise, gently stroking William’s head caused the pig to feel more relaxed.

MC: “wow… it worked! I wonder if I should have asked him more questions before I woke up.”

—————

Note: A reason why the Yandere ghost isn’t as powerful and threatening is because they already won MC’s heart, and the fact that the Rival didn’t cause their death. They don’t have much reason or motivation to cause too much destruction.

[oftlunarialmoon]

But I’m WEIRD! (3 Ways to Work on Accepting Yourself)

Ciao lovelies! Have you ever felt “weird”? What about “out-of-place,” or maybe unaccepted for who you are? Do you ever hide your true self or feel the need to be “Someone else”? Do you have lower self-esteem and trouble accepting who you are? If any of these are true for you, I’m writing to you today.

I have lots of issues with self-esteem and self-acceptance. Often, I label my actions as weird or “Not normal.” I feel like an outsider with every group, except my closest friends. In many interactions with others I hide who I really am or I try to “act normal.” Key aspects of my personality get hidden so I can seem more “cool” or “normal.” But this just becomes a vicious cycle. Have an interaction and “act normal,” then I end up over-analyzing and thinking that I’m not “normal” enough, then I criticize myself for what I did, then in the next interaction, I’m trying harder to “act normal”…. And the cycle repeats.

Does this cycle seem familiar to you?

Many people worldwide suffer from low self-esteem, and lack of self-acceptance. Accepting yourself for who you are can be hard. It requires a lot of self-reflection, and even therapy. It’s a bumpy road and it’s not easy to travel.

Today I want to talk about some ways you can start your self-acceptance journey. The ways I’ll be talking about today are affirmations, recognizing and correcting negative ruminations, and, lastly, recognizing the difference between constructive critique and harmful insults.

DISCLAIMER

** DISCLAIMER:  I am not a mental health professional and all things mentioned in this post come from personal experience or things I learned in classes. Please note that I am not the expert on these topics and cannot “Fix” what you are experiencing personally. **

AFFIRMATIONS

First, let’s talk affirmations. How often do you self-affirm? Answer this honestly. How many times per day do you praise yourself, for things you’ve done well, or maybe just think something kind about yourself (that’s NOT reactionary, meaning you think these kind things about yourself without being forced to).

If I’m answering honestly, I do not self-affirm very often. I can’t even say that I do it more than once a day, if that. This is a big issue and contributor to my lack of self-esteem. How can I have self-esteem if I’m not even cheering myself on?

When I say that you should self-affirm, I’m not saying that you have to constantly think that you’re the best thing ever. I’m not saying that you should think that you can “do-no-wrong” sort of thing.

When I refer to “Affirmations,” it’s easiest to start fairly small. A very good way to start is to find at least one thing about your physicality that you like. This can be anything from your eye color, to the way your nose is shaped, to the way your teeth look when you smile. Anything at all, just find one thing that you like about your physical self.

Then, bump it up. You may want to take this one day at a time, if this is uncomfortable for you. Here is the plan I want to accomplish this week, you may like this, or you may want to change it for you.

My Affirmations Plan for this Week:

Monday: Affirm one aspect of my physical appearance.

Tuesday: Affirm one aspect of my physical appearance and one aspect of my personality.

Wednesday: Work on criticizing myself less today. If I catch myself criticizing, replace with a statement reflecting what I did right along with what I can work on.

Thursday: Affirm two aspects of my personality.

Friday: Reflect, at the end of the day, on two or three things I did well that day.

Saturday: Affirm one aspect of my personality, one aspect of my physical appearance and recognize one thing I did right today.

Sunday: Affirm one aspect of my personality, one aspect of my physical appearance and recognize 4 things I did right this week.

These don’t sound too bad to me and I feel that this is a good place to start.

RECOGNIZING AND CORRECTING NEGATIVE RUMINATIONS

Now let’s talk about recognizing and correcting negative ruminations.  Let’s start by defining Ruminations.

What does it mean to “Ruminate?” According to Merriam-Webster, to ruminate is to “go over in the mind repeatedly.” Not all ruminations (things that you constantly run through your head) are negative. But in the case of low self-esteem, negative ruminations attribute to keeping your self-perception negative.

Why is it important to recognize negative ruminations? Let’s say you have an interaction, which should have been a fairly casual one. Say you said hello to a friend, but they didn’t say hello back. A higher self-esteemed person would think “maybe they didn’t see me,” but a lower self-esteemed person would run through the situation in their head over and over, overthinking it, thinking of everything they did wrong, or every reason why the friend might’ve “ignored” them- even if none of those reasons were accurate. 

If you could recognize that you were in the midst of a negative rumination cycle, you could work to stop it.  Something you could try is correcting the negative mindset. Take the example given above. If you were negatively ruminating about that interaction, and thinking “I bet they hate me now,” how could you correct that thought? I would remind myself that “maybe they didn’t see me,” or provide context “they have been busy lately, maybe they weren’t able to stop and chat.” By correcting the negative rumination cycle, I prevent myself from constantly staying in a negative mindset, and hopefully provide a positive baseline for any future interactions like that one.

CONSTRUCTIVE vs HATEFUL

Lastly, let’s talk about how to recognize the difference between constructive critique and purposeful insults. If you’re wondering why this topic is in this post, I think it’s very relevant to how self-esteem works. Those with lower self-esteem seem to be more likely to take even helpful critique as insult, because they feel that nobody likes them. Therefore, I felt it was good to have this reminder in this post.

The ways I separate constructive criticism and insult in general are on 2 baselines: was it intended to hurt me, and does it help me to gain this knowledge? What I mean by this is going to be highlighted in the example below.

Let’s say a friend has noticed me saying something that is inappropriate, but I don’t know that it is inappropriate. That friend then brings me aside and informs me that what I said is inappropriate. They are not intending to hurt my feelings, and it’s helpful for me to learn this. This would be constructive criticism/critique.

Here is another example. Let’s say a troll online comments anonymously that “WOW ur face is soo ugly” or something like that. Was it intended to hurt me? Yes. Does it help me in any way to gain this “knowledge”? No. Therefore, that is an insult.

Knowing how to determine between the two is great because if you know it’s an insult, you can sort of…what’s the phrase I’m looking for…. Let it roll off your back. This can be hard to do if you have low self-esteem, but now you know that insults are intended to hurt you, which means usually they’re untrue and intended only to hurt, and are based in the speaker’s own bias/feelings. Knowing the untrue nature of insults can help them ease off your shoulders.

OVERALL

Overall, the point I want to make in this post is that it’s okay to be who you are, and I know that journey can be really hard. But you’re not alone in making it. 

[armpirate]

UNDER YOUR SKIN || JJK || Ch. 32

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: You were awful on anything related to flirting, guys and sex. He was the perfect ladies man. You wanted to get rid of your virginity. And he was there to help you with everything you needed. You didn't have the best start, but that didn't mean you wouldn't have the best of the endings.

Warnings: Public sex, vaginal sex, dirty talk.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

I'm so nervous.

Even before I signed the contract, I was hesitating on whether to sign it or not. I wanted to desperately go back to my comfort zone and serve drinks, just to do what I'm used to and what I know I'm good at. Throwing myself into this feels so strange, so uncomfortable, that I can't help but try to convince myself that I won't be good at this.

The fact that the week ran by, to the point where I wasn't able to mentalize myself with this new job position wasn't of help.

But here I am anyway, walking around the gallery while Jin tries to introduce me to every usual customer that comes in -just so I do it all by myself with new visitors. Yesterday he already explained everything I should be doing today -and from now on. Although he still told me he'd be around for me, I want to leave a good impression by showing I understood my tasks the first time he explained them.

All that tension doesn't take long to disappear when I see Tammy, Soo, Melanie and Mark coming into the gallery, just to cheer me up from the distance as they see me busy with one possible customer. I smile at them, before returning my attention to the brunette middle aged lady that keeps asking me about the artist.

At some point while talking to her, my eyes gather around the gallery, stopping in the main door. Actually, stopping on him.

Jungkook comes in and the whole world seems to go slower. I can't take my eyes away from the way he moves his hands over the fabric of his grey suit to place it correctly, or the way his hair is styled in a messy tail. How can that man be real and be walking around like nothing?

The rest of the evening goes great, I just hang around the gallery waiting for someone to ask for my opinion or looking for my help. And it's all chill and fine until a pair of fingers trace my exposed spine, from my neck to the lowest part. It's crazy how I'm able to know who it is just with his touch, just by the way he makes my whole body react to him.

—You're a tease —Jungkook mentions—. You aren't wearing the set you sent me this afternoon.

I look at him nervously, just to find him smirking at me.

I wasn't thinking of wearing that lace set when I sent him those pics earlier today. Honestly, I wasn't even considering sending him those pics until he sent me a pic of his sweaty body in the gym.

—I would've loved to take it off with my teeth, with you lying on bed the same way you were on that pic.

I gulp hard, seeing that devilish smile one last time before he steps back and goes back to walk around the gallery as if he hasn't said something to set my whole body on fire. Every time I think I might have the upper hand on what we have going on, he comes back to remind me that I don't.

And if I thought he'd be easier on me, he keeps his eye on me during the rest of the exposition, never letting me forget his presence whenever I talk to one of the customers, or even Jin. God, I think his gaze gets more powerful whenever he's around me, and it annoys me because I'm trying to be professional.

And that doesn't change when we decide to go for a few drinks after, to celebrate I was able to sell two drawings on my first night, and made a few customers interested in other artworks. His gaze follows each one of my moves, whenever I drink, whenever I talk to Tammy, whenever I head to the bartender, or when I dare myself to dance with a cute guy that's been eyeing me while I was ordering my drink. His gaze is more intense as the minutes go by, as the hands of this boy go lower on my exposed back. But he doesn't look away, he doesn't move an inch when I look at him with a look full of bad intentions, Jungkook just clenches his jaw and waits. He just waits because he knows he's the one I'll go back home with.

This isn't over though.

When we all leave, and Soo basically forces Jungkook to take me home, I know this will be the night he finally gives in.

Intoxicated by his scent on the jacket he was wearing - that now he gave me so he could drive comfortably, and encouraged by his warmth, I move my hand over his torso, down his stomach, until I reach the beginning of his pants. All the teasing that has been going on these two weeks, all the revealing pics, the high voltage texts, the jealous looks... All has been leading to this.

I know he's hating every moment of our deal right now, I know he's dying to eat back his words when he said he wanted me to see and try to fuck with other guys. I saw it on his fast replies to my underwear pics, when he thought I was wearing them to go on a date. I saw it on the faces he made while I was dancing with other guys tonight. It's all over his voice when he speaks to me ever since he came up with that stupid rule.

The warmth of his body behind me, while his hands were taking full control of mine on the handlebar after the doctor took off the stitches in my hand a few days ago, woke up something inside of me. I've touched myself almost every single night, just with the reminiscence of the look in his eyes while he was handling my movements. Those days he kept taking me to work, and picking me up from the bar. I can't take it anymore.

—If you keep doing that, I won't be responsible for the consequences —he whispers, turning his head slightly to me on a red light.

—What consequences? —I don't stop moving my hand up and down his thigh, getting as near as I can to his crotch, but never as much as being able to touch it.

—I'll stop anywhere and fuck you raw. Like you've been looking for all night.

Those words, his raspy voice and the way his dark eyes are looking at me over his shoulder make me move my hips down, pressing the seat against the throbbing button. But I'm too into it right now to stop, so I move my hand up his leg, pressing my palm on the forming bulge in his pants, while my tongue licks one of his silver earrings hanging on his earlobe.

—What's stopping you?

It's like those words have activated something in him, something he wasn't planning on doing.

Jungkook licks the inside of his cheek, just to end with a sided smile when it gets to his lip. As soon as the red light turns green, he speeds up and looks for the right place until he finds a blind alley.

With a quick move of his feet, he places the stand and waits for me to hop off the motorbike. Jungkook doesn't move from his place, he just slides his body a bit backwards on the seat and pulls me closer to him with his hand.

The kiss is sloppy from the beginning, with our tongues messing with one another as we almost try to eat each other alive. It's so different from any other time we've kissed, it's needy and demanding. Everything we've been holding down these weeks is finally exploding, both of us are finally giving it to what we've been teasing all this time.

Jungkook helps me to hop on the motorbike again, this time straddling his legs without breaking the kiss. He wastes no time, sliding my panties aside, so he can directly slide two of his fingers through my slit, repeating that same movement a few times until I throw myself to his belt, desperate to take it off and unzip his pants.

I'm so into the kiss and what's to come that I'm not even aware of when he got a condom out of his wallet. But I moan when he lifts my body, cupping my ass cheeks in his hands, and fills me slowly, letting me get used to him inch by inch for the first time in weeks.

We moan into each other's mouths when he's fully inside. Electricity runs through my veins at the sensation of finally being connected to him like this after so long. His hands on my ass and thighs try to encourage me to move, but I stay in the same position. Moving my hips in circles, I lick his jar, from his chin to his earlobe, getting that so awaited groan.

—What do you want?

—Cocktease... —he chuckles nervously— Don't try to make me beg, because I want to fuck you stupid the same way you want my cock buried deep down your cunt.

My pussy clenching unconsciously around him after his words just make him smirk. No words were needed, because my own body has betrayed me to let him know he's right. I'm so down for this, I'd probably have a meltdown if something interrupted us right now.

I kiss him again, sticking my tongue in his mouth to shut the gasps and moans that come from every move I make as he fills me up. His teeth catch my lower lip, pulling from it while his eyes fix on mine with hunger. I swear he could make me cum just by looking at me that way.

I try my best to move my hips to take all of his, under the direction of his hands on my skin, digging on my flesh as if he were trying to control himself from going rougher. But we both fall back to reality when my moves come up more clumsy and arrhythmic than expected, we both remember this is my second time doing something like this. It doesn't matter how bad I try, I'm sure I'm killing the vibe right now.

—Babe —he stops my moves.

I slowly stop jumping on him, afraid of him saying the wait wasn't worth it, scared of him realizing he could be doing way better than this.

—You're doing great, but I really need to fuck your brains out right now —he kisses my chin—. Turn around.

I look at him confused, but that smile he throws at me makes me move. I'm scared to stumble with my heels when I'm going to set my feet on the ground, but Jungkook holds my arm all the time so I don't lose my balance. Although it doesn't take me long to sit back on the motorbike, this time as if I were the one driving it. He moves my body carefully, setting my belly over the gas tank, lifting my hips slightly from the leather seat. It's so weird, and maybe I feel too exposed, but the way he lifts my dress and jacket over my ass, slides my panties to the sides the most he can so he's able to rub his tip against my entrance, is making me go crazy right now.

He slides in slowly, inch by inch, but it's the only time he goes slow from now on. Once his pelvis reaches my ass cheeks and his balls rest against my open folds, he starts moving faster. Jungkook thrusts into me, in and out, in a drilling way that makes me go insane and eager for more, if that's even possible. The motorbike under us moves constantly. I'm afraid it might fall at some point.

—Nobody else will fuck you like this, baby. I'm the only one that can make you feel this good —he groans. 

He still tries to place my body properly, by cupping my hips in his hands and lowering them. And I know he's sure of what he's doing, because with the next thrust my clit rubs directly against the leather, and it does over and over again, with each thrust. Few minutes later, I'm close to being a moaning mess, and I would be if Jungkook hadn't covered my mouth with his hand.

—You know I love your moans, but save them for later —he warns with his shaky voice.

His cock twitches deep inside, forcing him to fall over my back and bite on my shoulder to keep himself from moaning.

He leaves me hanging near the edge right when I need him the most, and I start to think he might leave me hanging there as a revenge for everything that's been happening these two weeks, when he pulls out.

But of course he doesn't.

Jungkook sits back in his place, dragging my body with him so I'm sitting still. With one hand still on my mouth, his other hand rubs circles on my clit. Just a few more delicate traces, and I'm totally done in his arms, shutting my whimpers with his palm.

He finally frees my mouth, but two of his fingers grab my chin to turn my face to him while I'm still recovering from my high.

—You think I'm done with you? —he asks, his fast breathing making his words sound shaky still— No, this was just the starter so you stop teasing me while I drive. I think you've had enough fun these two weeks. It's my turn.

The hand on my chin falls on my thigh, clapping it while he licks the same fingers that made me explode in a matter of seconds. And just after that, he kisses me deep, letting me taste myself in his mouth while he places my underwear properly, just to do the same thing with his own clothes right after.

He pulls me in for a long kiss once we enter the lift, grabbing me by the nape to get my body to be all over his. When Jungkook wraps his arms around me, I'm almost convinced I could stay like this forever. Well, at least until the ring in the lift sounds.

I see myself in the reflection of the mirror when we separate, and he holds my hand to walk out with me, just to see a reddish march on my shoulder.

—You, asshole, look at what you did.

—Should I kiss it better? —he raises his eyebrows, looking at me fast before he opens the door to his house.

I take off my shoes and his jacket as we enter his place, trying to get more comfortable while he heads to the kitchen and asks me what I want to drink.

—You.

And just as fast as that word leaves my mouth, and I see his head peeking over the door, I realize it sounded better in my head.

—Me? You want to drink me? —he starts walking in my direction.

—I was trying to sound flirty.

I see him chuckling, looking at me with sparkly eyes, just to lift my body and sitting me over the backrest right after. His soft and gentle hands go over my calves, going up to my thighs, lifting the thin fabric of my dress with no effort.

—You don't need to be flirty with me —he whispers on my lips—. You already got me wrapped around your finger.

Jungkook gets rid of my dress, throwing it over my shoulder on the couch, just to have both of his hands back on my thighs, just to start a trip over my body. He smirks when he gets to my black lace thong.

I did end up wearing the set of lingerie I sent him earlier this afternoon, at least half of it, although he wasn't able to appreciate it because we were in a rush just a few minutes ago. And now that he's able to see it on me directly, he looks at me with black tinted eyes, I can almost read everything that's going through his mind right now.

His hands keep moving up over my torso, his fingers setting a burning trail in between my tits until he gets to my jaw. They wrap around my skin carefully, holding my face before he kisses me the softest way he's ever done. I trace his lip with the tip of my tongue, only because I wanted to lick that lip ring that makes me go insane. He chuckles in my mouth, breaking the kiss just to move his over my cheek and jaw.

—You have no idea the pull you have on me —Jungkook keeps moving lower on me, following the trail of the caresses from minutes ago—. I've gone crazy these last two weeks.

I stop breathing when he starts kneeling in front of me, stopping his mouth on my thong. As if I were reading his mind, I lift my hips, supporting my weight on both hands resting on the backrest. And I'm unable to deal with the feeling that goes through my body, from head to toe, when his teeth bite on my mound, just right over where my slit starts, to pull the fabric down. But of course he isn't done with pushing me over the edge. When he finally gets rid of the only clothing I had left, he goes up again, setting a trail of kisses from my ankle, up to my leg and inner thigh, always keeping eye contact with me.

My pussy clenches around nothing when he places both of my legs on his shoulders, and bends over just to give a teasing lick on my clit. It's crazy how he's setting my whole body on fire just with that, just with the feeling of his tongue gently digging through my folds while his gaze burns my skin.

He doesn't stay down there long enough though. His lips move up my torso again, while his hand cups my pussy instead. His palm rubs my clit, while two of his fingers tease my entrance, and his tongue circles one of my nipples -just to do the right same thing with the other.

—What do you want? —he asks, when he returns to my lips.

My eyelids feel heavy and that hard gaze coming from him is making me go insane. I want him, all of him. Absolutely everything Jungkook wants to give me right now.

—Fuck me —I trace his tattoos with the tips of my fingers—. Make me regret these two weeks.

Not like I'd really regret them, because i'd do it a thousand times just to have us like this again.

Jungkook just smirks. Of course he already had that in mind. He takes a condom from his wallet, and holds it in between his teeth while he takes his black t-shirt off. Eager to rush this as much as possible, I take his belt off and unzip his pants, making him spring free. He wastes no time wrapping the condom around him.

He slides inside with just one move, head resting on mine while his hands keep me in place. He pulls back slowly, letting me feel him inch by inch, until only his tip is inside. His dick fills me completely with a hard thrust that makes me hold onto his upper arms, while my clit throbs at the mere sound of our bodies clapping.

—Keep your eyes on me —he commands, as he starts a faster pace on my pussy.

—Kook —I moan, as he moves my body so his tip can rub over one spot that totally breaks me.

—Look at you right now —he breathes heavily—. Such a fucking mess for me.

My whole body moves because of the roughness of his thrusts, my mind is going wild and my body has escaped my own control. I don't even know at this point, because I can only see his eyes, my mind is filled with him.

He knows by the way I'm moaning right now that I'm just a dirty word away from jumping off a cliff. And he wants to see me jumping from the edge, he wants it as much as I do. That's why he rubs my clit in circles, in sync with his thrusts.

I know looking down was the worst decision I could ever take, because the combination of his cock coated with my juices and his fingers playing with me make me go insane.

—Uh-huh, see how good this pussy is taking me.

I cup his face in my hands, looking at him deep in the eyes when I get that familiar feeling before everything ends, running over me to leave nothing else. My nails dig on the skin of his neck and shoulders, letting myself go with a moan that I'm surprised it has come out from me.

Jungkook isn't done though. His dick still deep inside me, and that dark look just tell me there's much to come yet.

He lifts me in the air, my legs wrapped around his waist, after he got rid of his pants that were still around his ankles. Something changes in the way he looks at me, as he sets me on his bed carefully, just to join me right after. His touch, the kiss... everything feels different. He's gone from rough to passionate in a matter of seconds.

He fucks me slowly, taking his time to enjoy every single stroke, every kiss, every look.

—I can't stand thinking of others seeing you like this —he admits, breaking the kiss—. I want to be the only one making you go crazy with my hands, my mouth, my cock. I don't care —he bites my chin—. But I want to be the only one.

The tickles in my belly, combined with the pleasure, is a way better combination that something else I could've ever tried. And how he holds me, our hands intertwined at both sides of my head... He's the only person I could ever think of doing this with.

[dinosaurchurch]

This was my twenties, an entire decade gone just like that.

For some funny reason when I started, I didn't think I'd get this far. Thirty definitely seemed like a lifetime away but here I am. After going through some of the toughest and sweetest times in my life I'm closing this chapter for good.

Sometimes I'd wonder what past me would think about the person I am today, would she be okay with the outcome or would she wish for something different? Would I have changed anything if I knew what was going to happen? The past decade has definitely been a learning curve, I think it was mainly discovering myself and knowing that other people too are on this journey is very humbling. Albeit not everyone goes at the same pace and some never do find themselves.

If I can say anything is my fiery side doesn't crop up nearly as often as it used to but that doesn't mean the flame has died. I've come to be a little more wise when choosing my battles because time isn't infinite or at least it isn't in this life. I'm only here for a small while so I might as well get the best out of it. Learning to channel my energy where it really counts is something I've gotten comfortable with.

Over the course of my twenties I've battled obesity, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self doubt, and moments of weakness. I've also achieved some great things for myself. I've gotten DIVE just about finished (it's currently sitting at almost 650 pages), I've improved greatly as an artist, got better at cooking/baking, picked up powerlifting and have gotten decently strong, and I'm happier than I've ever been. Progress is not always linear but the main thing is to keep pushing, even in my lows there was still something to cherish and appreciate.

My twenties have been about pushing my comfort zone and learning to swim with the tide rather than feeling like I'm drowning. It's been tough but without hardship I wouldn't be me. Spite the hell I went through I don't think I'd change how everything happened. Every one and everything had something to provide with the time and the place that they were for me regardless of if the experience was positive or negative.

There's been a lot that's come and gone in my journey - people, places. Having found a life long romance deepen to saying my final goodbye to a handful of people that have passed away, it's been very bittersweet. My twenties certainly has been riding the hurricane through to the other side, even passing through the eye not knowing what else is to come other than I have to weather the storm. I've burned more bridges than I can count but the one thing that hasn't wavered is my moral integrity.

That's probably the biggest thing I've achieved over the past decade. I know who I am and where I'm going with myself. I may not know entirely what the future holds but I've got a guideline written up for myself on the goals I want to accomplish over the next decade. I may never be perfect but it doesn't mean that I can't try to be the best version of me that I can.

It's a good feeling knowing that I've crossed off some major things on my goal list. I've completely mellowed over the course of the past few years especially, my twenties definitely have held some of the hardest mental battles I'm sure I'll ever face. The inner turmoil of leaving things unsaid, having to walk away when necessary is something that's an underrated skill but it's something I've had to learn.

All in all I’m happy to move forward with the next chapter of my life, although I’ll never forget the memories I made over the past ten years. There were absolutely some great highlights that I’m sure I’ll probably mention at some point.

Onward and upward.

Cheers to thirty.

[moonchild-things]

Chapter Ten: A New School Term Starts! The Melancholy of Nendou

Summary: Being a psychic is not an ideal life, at least for Saiki Kusuo. Didn’t you read/watch The Disastrous Life of Saiki K to know that? Still, this isn’t about him, not really. Instead, let’s focus on his one and only friend, Akari Watanabe, who is also quite abnormal. You might not believe that Saiki would actually have a friend, but that’s what fanfictions are about, right?  

Word Count: 3594

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AKARI WASN'T THAT HAPPY SINCE NOW THAT their school break came to an end, and now she had to go back to that annoying place. She didn't miss the gossip, bullies, or idiots that she had to see every day. Sure there were some good parts of school, but those were outweighed by everything else that gave her a headache. Her best friend also wasn't that happy with it either. He stood next to her glaring at their academy with his eyes filled with irritation. 

'A new semester starts today.' Kusuo mentally sighed, 'I have to see them again.'

Akari bumped his shoulder with her own in a way to lift up his spirits. Though both of them were going to need some cheering up. Considering they both disliked school, they both weren't looking forward to actually going. However, they have no choice and Akari is going to try and make the best of their situation. 'Come on, it's not that bad, Ku-kun.'

Kusuo just looked down at her through his green-tinted glasses boredly. However, even if he looked unaffected by her words, deep down, I think we all know that isn't true. No matter how much he would want to hide it, but he appreciated Akari's attempts. She is the upside to his day. Well, she's the upside to everything for him, for the most part. Kusuo doesn't do emotions, as we all know. So even he doesn't necessarily know what he categorizes Akari as or why he reacts certain ways around her. I mean, we can all make a pretty educated guess about what it is. Though it wouldn't be a good fanfiction if we didn't have some good slow-burn romance, am I right?

Kusuo rolled his eyes, 'let's go.'

The duo headed into the building and readied themselves for the day. After exchanging their shoes, Akari and Kusuo finally made it into their classroom. Their teacher had yet to come in so everyone was excitedly talking with each other about their breaks. The girls gossiped with each other, the boys boasted about the cool things they did, and Akari and Kusuo sat quietly at Kusuo's desk. Akari gracefully sat on top of his desk while twirling her long black hair with her fingers. As they waited for class to start, they listened in on the not-so-quiet conversations between their classmates.

A few students walked up to the class representative, who looked noticeable different from how he looked before the break, "Hairo, you're so tanned."

"I was a volunteer lifeguard at the beach," He explained with a toothy smile.

"Amazing!" A forgettable student exclaimed at the unrest that their class representative had. They all knew that Hairo wouldn't take any sort of break during their break. He is always up and about, a busy-body. Honestly, it's a bit admirable yet terrifying how firey he actually is.

At the other end of the classroom, there were a plethora of boys surrounding the perfect pretty girl like starved animals. It appears that after even a short time away from their Goddess, they were in desperate need to be even within a few feet of Teruhashi. Simps.

They were firing questions at her from left and right, "Did you meet someone special?"

"Really Teruhashi?" An unimportant boy asked urgently.

A different, nameless student jumped, "Who?"

The blue-haired beauty looked away bashfully with pink cheeks, "We met during the break." In her mind, she was thinking of the pink-haired psychic himself. Which annoyed Kusuo to no end, to have to listen to her go on about how she knew that there was no way he could have just seen her as an illusion or vice versa. Akari noticed his plight and placed a hand on his head to pat down his hair in a comforting gesture. Akari knew that he isn't usually one for physical touch, and she respects his wishes to not be touched. However, from time to time, she provided minimal contact with him for a few reasons. Comforting him is one of those reasons. Teruhashi raised a finger confidently, "I believe the date was August 6th."

"I saw you that day," one of the boys said with his squeaky voice, "That's right, you were with....” Everyone was on the edge of their seat ready to hear what he had to say. Except for Teruhashi who thought her little crush on Saiki was going to be exposed. “Nendo."

"Not that one!" Teruhashi raged with her hair mimicking snakes around her head. The boys all backed away in fear as their perfect pretty girl showed her true colors for just a moment. However, she quickly calmed herself down, "Well... not that one. You know? At the world Championship..."

'Goodness,' Kusuo thought. 

Akari shook her head, 'I don't understand how they can worship her so much.'

Sure, Akari couldn't deny that Teruhashi was beautiful. She would be a fool not to admit that. Not only that, but she also had this god-given aura around that attracted people to her no matter what. So Akari couldn’t lie about that, it was just her personality that she couldn’t understand. 

To be completely honest,  Akari and Teruhashi were complete opposites. Wow, what a surprise it’s like they were made that way for a specific purpose. That’s sarcasm by the way, you can’t really tell through text, but it’s there. Anyway, back on topic. Terhuhashi craved attention as if it is what gives her life. Meanwhile, Akari detested just about any and every form of attention that could be pointed at her. While Teruhashi is bright, Akari is dark. The perfect pretty girl is full of herself and masks her true intentions, but Akari was honest and blunt for the most part. The shadow-manipulator isn't necessarily an open book(except maybe to Kusuo) but she certainly isn't as fake as Teruhashi can be. Some could argue that they were two different sides of a coin. Well, two different sides of two different coins. The only thing even remotely similar with them was that they both attended PK. Well, that and they always wanted to be around Kusuo. Though Akari never wants to admit to that last one out loud or even in her mind, lest Kusuo finds out and then bully her about it.

Their blue-haired friend then slid over to the pair as they watched the smips in front of them. "Hey, Saiki..." Akari then cleared her throat, making sure that he knew she is also there. Kaido jumped and blushed at her "sudden" appearance, "a-and Watanabe. Don't you think Nendo is being weird today?"

Kusuo eyed the other boy's appearance, "You are, too." Kaido, for some reason, was wearing an eye patch,  a choker, and parts of his hair was in a braid. No doubt a part of his little fantasy. It was a bit of a strange look, even for an anime. Akari certainly thought that Kaido looks far more deranged than usual, and questioned why he even decided to style himself like this. How had his mother even let him walk out of the house like that?

Despite that, the trio looked over at their idiot friend to see him looking dramatically upset. What could possibly upset Nenod this much? As much as people would think that this buffoon was nothing but stupid, Akari felt like there is more to Nendo than that. Well, she didn't think that he is a totally complex character with many, many intricate parts to him, however, she knew that he was a tad bit more than an idiot. That includes having something to upset him like this. She didn't know what it is, but it was probably something a bit bigger than simply being upset by a stupid thing.

"Normally he would be all, 'Let's go get ramen! Yes!'" Kaido said while trying to intimidate Nendo's voice.

Kusuo hummed slightly in consideration, "That's true. He is acting strange."

"Stranger than usual," Akari commented with her wispy voice.

"Oh, this?" Kaido started, thinking that they were referring to his new look. Which they certainly were not. He really just wanted someone to ask him about his strange look. "Don't worry about this. Something had happened."

"I didn't worry about that at all. You don't have to tell us." Kusuo rolled his eyes, more focused on Nendo. They watched as Nendo hit some dramatically depressed poses before sighing heavily. "I'm getting annoyed."

After that, Nendo stood up and lumbered out of the room with his head hung low. Now that was quite concerning for Akari. She has never seen Nendo act like this before, and it was freaking her out just a little bit. He's always so happy-go-lucky, to an annoying degree, though this was even far more irritating. At least with him being happy, Akari could easily understand why he was acting like that. However, this was so out of left field, that Akari has no idea what is bothering him.

"This is fishy," Kaido commented as they watched him go.

Kusuo nodded his head, "It does make me worry."

Akari looked down at her friend with wide eyes, "I've never heard you say that before." Though Kusuo just ignores her and her surprised expression. He certainly wasn't willing to acknowledge that he had even said something like that. Though, aren't we all a bit surprised that he even said he's worried?

"Are you talking about this?" Kaido jumped in motioning to his get-up, once again. "It's..."

Kusuo then snapped, "Stop. I couldn't care less about that."

---

Once school let out for the day, Akari, Kusuo, and Kaido started to follow after their idiot friend. It was quite easy for Akari to hide in the shadows as they trailed after Nendo. Kusuo is also pretty good at it as well, since he could teleport around corners and hide away from Nendo. Kaido was the only one in the trio who actually had to put a bit more effort into his stalking. That included putting on a baggy brown coat, some dark sunglasses, and a hat to try and hide his identity. He jumped around from one corner to another to poke his head around as they followed Nendo down the street. Kusuo and Akari trailed after Kaido, Kusuo appearing from thin air while Akari gilded around through the shadows. The blue-haired boy hadn't even noticed that the supernatural teens were using their powers like this. He is far more invested in his stalking of Nendo than to pay attention to them.

"That's not the way to his house." Kaido commented as they all peered around a corner. "Something is definitely going on."

"Why are you so excited?" Kusuo asked with a slight tone of distaste in his voice, "Why are you so used to following people?"

It was true. Seems like Kaido has done this before, and that is quite concerning. Akari was slightly put off by the fact that their blue-haired friend was far too accustomed to stalking. Makes you wonder who else Kaido could have stalked in the past… Knowing him, it probably has to do with dark reunion stuff.

"What?” Kaido whispered as they peered around the building to find Nendo staring at something. “What's he looking at?"

The big brute appeared to be looking at a small girl walking on the sidewalk with her father. Though due to Nendo’s misleading face, the trio misinterpreted what it meant. The three bristled, "Creepy!"

Kaido jumped, "Does he like little girls?"

"I don't know, but we should report him," Kusuo said.

Akari cringed at the thought and tried to be optimistic about this.“Nendo doesn’t seem the type…?” Though her attempt wasn’t that good since she sounded more like she was questioning herself about if it were true. She knows that Nendo is really a good guy, but considering not even Kusuo could read his thoughts, she couldn't be 100% certain.

They then watched him heading into a shop, "He's going into the store. A flower shop?” Nendo then came out of the shop with a bundle of sunflowers. “Did he get a girlfriend?"

Kusuo instantly answered alongside Akari, "No."

"No way," they all simultaneously agreed. There was no way that he was actually gonna get a girlfriend. Not unless there was some sort of miracle.

They continued to follow their friend down the, and once again witness him smiling creepily at a young girl and her father. They still had yet to see what he was actually smiling about.

The three shouted, "Not again!"

"Is he serious?" Kaido asked out in disgust as they all started to sweat.

Kusuo just suggested, "Let's report him first, and ponder later."

"No, it's too soon to tell.” Kaido started, “Lots of people like sunflowers. It's normal to feel like smiling when you see a child." Wow, look at Kaido being the rational one of the group. 

Kusuo placed a hand on his chin in consideration, "That's true. We shouldn't be hasty."

"Another store?" Kaido commented as the trio watched the brute walk into yet another small store. This time it seemed to be a bakery, "Cake! Cake is sweet and women and children love sweets. Women plus children equals little girls!" Forget what I said about being the rational one.

Akari sweatdropped at his enthusiasm with the situation, "That's a bit of a stretch."

"Now who's being hasty?" Kusuo commented. 

"He doesn't eat things like that. He's clearly going to give the cake and the flower to someone.” Kaido said quickly, “But he doesn't have a girlfriend to give them to. That means they're bait.” He cried out as he imagined how Nendo would use his “bait” to lure a little girl. Which is seriously disturbing. “He'll use sunflowers and cake to lure in a little girl!"

Kusuo shook his head, "His plan will never work on a sane girl."

Just as Kaido was having his little breakdown and the other two watched him, Nendo came out of the bakery with a box. "Gosh, they are out of shortcakes. Oh, well." His expression then grew unsettling as he chuckled lowly, "It's not for eating anyway."

Akari, Kusuo, and Kaido all blanched, "Which means it's bait."

"Nendo!” Trying to be a hero, Kaido ran over to the large teen with his fist raised. He was going to stop Nendo from enacting his nefarious plans of snatching up little girls if it was the last thing he does! As the Jet-Black Wing, he has a duty to protect those who need protection. If only he was actually strong though. “I misjudged you, Nendo!" He then tried to punch Nendo a bunch, though they sounded like small bubbles popping each time his fist hit Nendo. It also looked as though they were as weak as a feather. "How dare you hurt weak little girls!"

Akari and Kusuo watched him from the sidelines with raised eyebrows. The shadow-manipulator blinked, "I'm pretty sure those girls are not as weak as him."

"Listen to his fists making that sound." Kusuo commented.

"Hang on,” Nendo said, unaffected by Kaido’s assault, “I think you guys have the wrong idea."

---

Apparently, the trio had jumped to conclusions. Not a surprise. Considering that we all knew they did. Anyway, Nendo had led them to the cemetery while explaining what he had been doing since they left school. Kaido tilted his head, "So, you're visiting..."

"My dad's grave,” Nendo nodded his head as they now stood in front of a grave, “Today is the day he died."

The blue-haired teen now seemed to understand, "So, the flowers and cake..."

"Obviously, they're offerings." Nendo chuckled, "You bring flowers and sweets to a grave. That's common sense."

"Hearing common sense from Nendo…” Kusuos commented to Akari as the two stood behind the others. He then thought back to what they had seen earlier. “I see now. He wasn't leering at those little girls. He was thinking of his father. But he sure looked suspicious."

Kaido asked softly, "When did your father pass away?"

"Before I was born.” Nendo explained, “He died trying to save a little girl who ran into the street. Maybe my old man had a lolita complex."

Kusuo blinked, "It hurts my soul."

Kaido then placed a hand on his chin, "But if it was before you were born, he must have been pretty young."

"Yes, he was 18 or 19 years old.” Nendo said before pulling out his wallet, “I have his picture. Do you want to see it?"

Kaido's eyebrows furrowed as Nendo showed them the photo, "This is a picture of you."

"We look alike." Nendo explained with a chuckle, "My mom says I look more like him every year."

"It's on a different level," Kaido exclaimed at the uncanny resemblance between the father and son.

Akari took a glance at the photo as well and furrowed her eyebrows, "It is a tad bit unnerving."

"I've seen the picture of Nendo's father before.” Kusuo commented to Akari as he could see the slightly freaked out expression creeping onto her pale face. “The resemblance is striking. The only difference is whether the scar is over the right eye or the left.” he glanced up at the grave to see just the person had described sitting on top of the grave. The dead man was casually eating some of the cake that Nendo had brought to his grave. “Yes, just like that.” He paused though not realizing that he was looking at a ghost. Nendo’s father then poofed out of thin air and disappeared. “I'm imagining things."

Unbeknownst to the other three, Kusuo had been able to see the ghost of Nendo’s father. It was quite the shock to Kusuo. "Hey, let's go get ramen!" Nendo called, breaking Kusuo out of his stupor.

Kusuo just walked back over to them as they started to head to their usual remen hangout. Kaido and Nendo may have not been able to notice, but Akari saw that there was something bothering her best friend. "Are you ok, Ku-kun?"

Her soft, chilling voice calmed Kusuo down a bit as he shook his head in an attempt to brush off what he had just seen. "I'm fine."

Akari stared at him for a long moment before shrugging her shoulders, "If you say so." If he didn’t want to tell her what was bothering him, then she wouldn’t pry. She certainly can’t read his mind like he could read hers, but she knew what he was feeling for the most part. They've been friends for so long that Akari could read Kusuo like a book. Even if he’s usually so expressionless and emotionless. She’s the great Kusuo Whisperer!

After being forced to hang out with Nendo and Kaido, Akari and Kusuo were able to walk back home. It was perfect out, at least for Akari. It was night time already and she was content with how dark it is. The only real thing that she wasn’t looking forward to was having to do her homework. Maybe if she bribed Kusuo with some coffee jelly he could help her out with it.

"I may not be very realistic myself, and Akari may also be a piece of fiction, but I don't believe in spirits or ghosts.” Kusuo explained still hung up on the whole ghost thing from the cemetery, “Let's just forget about what happened today.” 

Akari tilted her head as they got closer and closer to their homes. “What’s so wrong with believing in an afterlife?” She asked, “I think it can be comforting to imagine that there’s something after death.”

Wow, bit of a heavy topic, let’s move on.

The pair finally made it in front of their houses. Though the Saiki mailbox caught their attention. There was a letter in it, now that isn’t unusual. What is strange is that it had Kusuo’s name on it. Kusuo grabbed the letter, “For me? That's unusual."

Kusuo Saiki,

I know you have psychic powers.

Akari’s eyes widened at the simple letter. How had someone figured out about Kusuo’s abilities? Everyone is usually too stupid to notice them! "That's concerning. Who could this be from?"

Kusuo just put the letter into his pocket, "Don't worry about that."

"Of course I'm going to worry, Ku.” Akari blinked, a small bit of concern in her golden eyes. “Someone knows about your powers, what could that possibly mean?"

"Kari, it'll be fine.” Kusuo never addressed Akari by her little nickname. The only reason he ever did was when he could see her getting upset or worked up about something. This moment seemed to be a time to use it. The affectionate name seemed to calm her down at least a little bit. “Just head home and don't worry about it. I promise you, everything will be fine." Since it was so late, they agreed that they would just head to their separate houses for the night, even if they usually hang out together for a bit after school. However, Kusuo was even more certain that he wants Akari to stay out of this. If this is a letter from someone with malicious intent, he didn’t want her involved. How sweet.

Akari stared at him for a moment, contemplating if she should leave. Though then she remembered that Kusuo has the powers of a god, so if someone was to try and hurt them, they wouldn’t get very far. "If you say so…” with a tad bit hesitation, Akari backed away to head into her own house across the street. “Night, Kusuo."

---

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[sleeplessinpnw]

It's been awhile since I last posted. Thought I would make a life update post.

The summer is finally creeping up on us. It's May now and the warm weather is in full play. I'm so happy!! In a different place these days. Well... kind of. Until I'm put into a stressful situation. But for the most part, my depression has been a little less intense and I'm just feeling.... good. In a good mood today.

Going to St. Croix for my birthday in June and for aunt Barbaras memorial. I didn't know her very well, but I feel happy to be able to be with family during the occasion. About to meet a lot of cousins! I hope I will be able to remember names. Been trying to budget shopping for clothes to go. It hit me last night that I have tons of tees and some tank tops. I guess I mostly need comfortable bottoms and shorts to wear. GAINED WEIGHT!! Nothing old fits anymore. Going to hold onto some things though just in case my weight comes off. With my lifestyle habits, I have no idea when that will be happening. Just ordered a jump rope in hopes to at least get some cardio in since I hate running. Going to the store later today in hopes of getting healthier food. I do nooootttt know how to eat healthy apparently. I eat a lot of quesadillas and carbs so.... Going to try and cut back and eat salads. I don't even think my salads are healthy lol but better than canned food and mac n cheese.

I started vaping and 80 bucks later, I think it's time to quit. Obviously that's the smartest idea. Idk.... I'm trying not to smoke weed anymore and it gets hard when I'm use to smoking everyday. So whyyyyy a vape?? Nicotine is worse but it doesnt trigger the voices I hear. Weed does. I need to learn how to be sober and happy. I just.... get bored?? I'm awful!! Lol

Work is on hold for right now. I've been on break for now 2 and a half weeks. Still have money in my account but obviously that isn't going to last forever. Just trying to keep myself in a steady mood while I'm back to doing nothing. At least the sun is out. I can sit in the backyard and take in my surroundings. Trying not to drink at the moment as much because of my weight. But I dont need to always drink in the sun, it just makes it fun. Go figure. Anyway, I need to start applying for jobs again. I've been holding off because 1) I'm suppose to hear back from Sol for when they need more help again 2) St Croix is in two weeks and I feel like it would be hard to start a new position and then leave for a week 3) I'm still going to try and get a job with Premier Press and Q told me to wait and apply the end of June, beginning of July.

Therapy has been going well. I enjoy my sessions for the most part with my therapist. She's very sweet and I think I have made large progress since first starting. August is going to be a very large moment for me because it will mark the 1 year anniversary since being hospitalized. I told my mom that it's important to me. I want to celebrate some how. August will never be the same for me. I still have things that I need to clean out of my room from my voodoo craze. I should do that today.... it would feel good. It's hard looking at the mess in the corner of my room but once it's gone I think that I wil feel better. I really did some damage on my belongings and Ashley's. I will never fully recover from my actions. Scars. But I am working on moving forward everyday. I went to Mackenzies bridal shower yesterday and being in that community was SO HARD. I made it though. It's just weird being around parts of her world because the voices weirdly attached to it and it's humiliating to be around her. She was beyond sweet to me though and it felt good celebrating her for the evening.

Well.... thats kind of all the update I have. I'm going to try and check in with myself here more regularly. Cheers to bettering my mental well being, being strong and powering through all of this and getting better. I got this! Life keeps going on and is too short to keep beating myself up. Lot's of self love (minus the vaping BS).