#I am just so giddy about this all
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Okay, but now I'm thinking about Buck and Tommy and Eddie all hanging out together, because "Hey, isn't this great? You're already friends with my new boyfriend?" and yeah, Eddie's totally happy and giddy 'cause now he gets to hang out with BOTH of them.
And then there comes a point where Buck and Tommy are very much making eyes at each other and Eddie is just totally oblivious and grabs another beer and "Do you want one?" And Buck is like, "It's getting kinda late, huh, Eddie? Don't you need to go relieve Carla/Marisol of her babysit duties?" and they kind of have to manually shove him out the door because they want to make out.
#I am just so giddy about this all#Obviously I want endgame Buddie#but this all fits in perfectly!#I want to explode Buck/Tommy a bit before we get to the Buddie#It was always going to be one of them who realized their sexuality first#and this is just... *chef's kiss*#Buck/Tommy#911#911 spoilers#fin's post#BuckTommy
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I don't feel loved
#:(#like really it's a terrible thing to feel but it's not as much as i am giving and it makes me feel so bad#i am not loved enough and to think that this torment would continue always makes me shut my heart and don't start for anyone#it's so pathetic but i can't help it because i don't get it as intense as i am giving and it's always that never scratching even the surface#i think about her alot but she doesn't thinks of me#i try to make him happy but it's never enough#i try to keep myself sane but i sound like a child begging to be taken along and it ain't working for me#I don't think love should be difficult or unnatural#it should definitely come in my way because i deserve it like anyone else#i should feel loved and i hope i do and i hope it changes#to wake up one day and not feel terrible or to just hope for a home where i am loved and cherished#where my love is celebrated and people don't just tolerate it#i want all those pretty giddy feeling for myself#not sorry for rambling because it's my blog !#desiblr#being desi#desi tag#anxiety#sadgirl#love#tw depressing thoughts#tw mental health
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One HSR Character a Day Extra 3 (Day 54): Feixiao
#honkai star rail#feixiao#hsr edits#revsdailyhsr#AAAAHHH THATS MY GENERAL!! for real i cant even put into words how much i love her.. she just grabbed my attention from#the very first moment she was introduced & hasnt let go! not that id want her to anyway because she's simply AMAZING! love#her attitude & her lore & the 2.5 update did her so much justice im so happy! not to mention how stunning her combat#is! she's so great for follow up teams & i get so giddy watching her land big numbers. im beyond thankful that i managed to#pull her & her light cone early. she knew id treat her right & rushed home lol. seriously i havent been this excited for#another character since i started & saw serval which already feels like ages ago. aahhh her design is just so cool..she's gorgeous &#her voice fits her perfectly! im certain she'll return in future stories & i simply cant wait for me to go crazy for her all over again.#truly the most badass woman in the game & my mind cant be changed. id absolutely spend money on merch & even eidolons.#it's seriously astonishing how down bad i am for her. i truly havent felt this way about any character from any media in years.
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talking the way that i do (metric ton of endearments in every sentence) is so silly and so inconvenient in daily life. like man you can't be calling this girl you've spoken to exactly one time in class "my darling" as you're coordinating this project over text. rewrite that message. you're going to make people uncomfortable 😭
#being SO good about not calling every casual friend 'babe'. keeping it to 'babes' to keep it casual even. dfkjhgs#i am so wasted on bitches who don't enjoy words of affirmation as a love language.#like what do you mean you don't appreciate that i call you my love and my darling and sweetheart and babe and babydoll. do you hate me#my dear. my beloved. my love my life my all my everything. honey. gorgeous.#so hard being the most charming boy alive. like someone had to do it but god damn#born to make pretty girls giggle when i call them sweet things in french. and i'm following through on that purpose#calling my friend sam 'mon ange' just to see her get a little giddy. you know how it is.#need to call miffy ma chèrie more often... things to think about#someone i was in love with very briefly called me mi cielo and it had my heart melting out of my chest. i'm a very easy man at the end of i#valentine notes
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I need to make more Tower of Dawn posts because this book is better than I thought (and I went in with decent expectations)
but for right now I just need to cry scream for a second because THE CHARACTER ARCS AND DEVELOPMENT just perfection utterly beautiful and I love every single one so much I get all teared up every dang time
especially right now what’s getting me; which is Chaol finally understanding Aelin, and talking about her, and Rowan. And THEN with Yrene. AND THEN then their ship speech! AND AND AND THEN her talking about Aelin and not even knowing it & them both thanking her (they gonna help get our girl home I just know it and that reunion realization is gonna be so worth it) !
my wyrd how is ALL of this so beautifully written??
#what’s the ship name Chaolrene?#yaol?😂#I love them so much#the friendship is back#and the good parts of chaolaena friendship enclosures beautifully#and everyone’s finding THEIR soulmates#like him talking about aelin and Rowan and he’s the first one who was not afraid#even the Sam full circle in that#and then all these assassins blade references#HOW ARE THEY ALL SUCH GOOD BOOKS#don’t even get me started on Nesryn these days I love her so much and Sartaq obviously#BRAVO SARAH#mountains and seas#my soul#THEY GET ME CRYING AND GIDDY EVERY DANG TIME#I JUST LOVE THEM#fangirl rambling#ps for a later post but what’s up with all the owls#how’s the fandom feel about Kashin#and how do I ever end the game of am I paranoid or are they a Valg😅😅#Rowaelin love#Yrene x Chaol#Chaol x Yrene#I love Yrene Towers#Tower of Dawn#ToD#first read#currently reading#no spoilers please#read with me
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Fuck it Friday
tagged by @daffi-990 @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @rewritetheending @devirnis
thanks you beloveds! <3
now that paint sex is finished and posted i am focusing hard on the calls fic. for context this snippet is occurring while buck is comatose after the lightning strike.
The medic in Eddie is internally screaming all of the effects of reinjuries. And for the first time in a while, Eddie hates how much he knows.
He knows how continued harm to one spot of the body can degrade all that holds a person together until they are worn and weary and unable to function anymore.
He knows the pain of enduring repeating, mirroring injuries, far too intimately for his liking. Shot enough times to know the taste of metal in the back of his throat and the pathways it can carve through a shoulder and the invisible force that catapults through your body, a shockwave that temporarily numbs every nerve until the pain blasts out so violently you feel like you are being torn in half.
He knows what reinforced trauma can do to a person, how it can cut open old scars and create new wounds with similar shapes and textures that go far too deep to ever heal.
Eddie lost his wife.
He lost Shannon several times, really, but the last time–the last time is something he carries with him, forever and always. Those moments with her in the back of an ambulance where so many other lives had been saved and spared–but not hers, why not hers–engraved into his heart.
It scarred over eventually and every now and then Eddie will run his fingers over them, the jagged and rough lines that nearly ripped his heart in half, remembering how he bled and hurt and sobbed and nearly destroyed himself, but able to feel proud that he made it through the loss, he kept going until he was more than just his grief.
He can’t do that again.
tagging @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @diazass @anxieteandbiscuits @callaplums @bucks118 @lover-of-mine @housewifebuck @captain-hen @lemonzestywrites @shitouttabuck @gayedmundodiaz @folk-fae @buddierights @monsterrae1 @loserdiaz @rogerzsteven @spotsandsocks @thekristen999 @disasterbuckdiaz @911onabc @vampbuckley @forthewolves @eddiediaztho @hoodie-buck @the-likesofus @arthursdent @bigfootsmom @paranoidbean and anyone else who wants to share!
#its funny because when i make buck hurt i am all giddy about it but when its eddie it just makes me so fucking sad and forlorn#idk what that is about asdfghjkl#but it means that me and eddie are REALLY going through it in this fic#buddie#buddie wip#eddie diaz#evan buck buckley#911#5+1 calls#ryan writes#fuck it friday
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i thought lesbians would think I'm an imposter or something because i have a boyfriend and i dont exactly look like a girl most of the time, turns out they love me and support me and what i do and appreciate my art.
#i fell in love with a girl and then he transed and now i love my man#idk..........#i just appreciate being welcomed#and included#even if i am a little out of the ordinary#idk i told my bf i think i might just be a lesbian and he was like#cool#and then it kinda just clicked in a way#i was like#kinda giddy#cause you know technically i guess i would count as bisexual because i do think men are attractive too#but it just really doesnt feel right#like if i talk about myself and i say i am a lesbian with a boyfriend i just go like WOAAHWH#nothing wrong with bisexual and i think it is very much under represented and i am a little guilty of that myself#but you know#i just feel so very much right#when i can call myself a lesbian#and i realized that and maybe that's why i kept drawing girls in love all the time#maybe it's just the yearning to say something i am but i was a little intimidated#i didnt want to dissappoint my boyfriend or anger anyone because i dont perfectly fit a label#i am a lot more comfortable now
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Learn The Truth 😂
Please enjoy my completely unhinged thoughts on The Truth S2, in which I use the word 'fun' way too many times.
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So I'm kind of obsessed with this show (my mini recap of the ep 0 pilot here). I described it to non-drama watching friend as like being at a murder mystery house party but with some of your fave Chinese celebrities instead of your friends. It's just fun. The Truth S2 (aka 开始推理吧 第二季, aka Start Reasoning 2) is a Chinese comedy variety show about investigating murders. An overview on how it works:
Each set of episodes is set in certain time period. The six cast members are given details about their character in that time period (but the other cast seem to only know the info about their own character and are surprised by everyone else's reveals), a preset story plays out and an NPC is murdered. Then two characters deemed free of suspicion (I'm actually not sure how this is determined) become investigators and the other four are the suspects.
The investigators check the scene and body for clues, then all six sit in a room while those clues are presented, and then each suspect has a box of gathered clues about each other. Like Suspect A will say 'here is what was found in Suspect C's room' and then show the incriminating evidence, while Suspect C tries to explain using their backstory notes and everyone else teases and mocks them. Then there's a some sort of mysterious test and if the murderer passes it then they can make one of the investigators an 'X' meaning the investigator will help them escape discovery. Then once they've all shared their evidence and backstories, they go out into the sets (a huge building of different rooms) and try and solve the mystery by finding more clues.
This season stars Bai Yu (yes from Guardian), Liu Yuning, Dilraba Dilmurat, Zhang Linghe, Zhou Keyu (who is apparently American???), and Wang Xun (who has more credentials than the rest of the cast combined). It's an interesting mix of ages and backgrounds that seems to be working, mostly because they are all eventually revealed to be chaos gremlins. Also LYN, BY, and ZKY were on The Truth S1, so they are the 'seniors' here.
Episodes 1 & 2 are set in the 1920s in a cabaret club. Same characters, location, etc. but a different murder in each ep, with an over arcing separate (non-murder) mystery with its own clues going on simultaneously. Episodes 3 & 4 are in 1988 in trading company office. I've seen some incredible costumes that might or might not be from ep 4. They don't seem to fit what I've seen so far (through ep 3) but ep 2 goes so far off the rails from where it starts that I'm willing to accept anything might fit in these bonkers storylines.
We're only 3 eps in and am unable to count the number of times I've shouted "wait, what!?" at the screen. To be fair some of this is because it's only available to me (in the US) with terrible machine translated subtitles. It's almost like a whole separate game just to parse these out. And some of it is nonsensical and confusing, and some is utterly delightful, like Liu Yuning telling a story that starts "when I was young girl..." But mostly there's a lot of weird direct translation of names that is simply so confusing that you have to just guess what they are saying in context.
Despite that it's a joy to watch. To see who is really picking up clues, to watch them all constantly eat snacks (seriously so many snacks in this show), to see how they play the story lines they are given, and to see them interact with each other. Things I didn't know I needed to see, like how pleased with himself ZLH is Every time he solves a problem but especially a math problem (he was an engineering student before he was an actor). And LYN's ability to instantly solve puzzle boxes (maybe because he does magic tricks sometimes?) Dilraba's incredible ability to spot clues in weird places that no one else seems to notice.
So I've said this is fun and it is, all on its own. But I am absolutely obsessed with this show so far because the actors keep making it gay when they really don't have to. Like just for fun. Even if none of the actors are queer (unlikely) at least two of the actors have been in bl drama adaptations, and at least two more have been in shows with Gong Jun, so I assume they all at least know from gay, you know? Some of it feels like the good old days of TV in my youth (in the last century) when we had to ship folks to make our own gay, which the restrictions of Chinese are making increasingly necessary. Some of it is probably just like my own wishful thinking. And because of the terrible subtitles a lot of it is me just saying "wait did that just actually happen, or did I just think it did?" (Nothing says fun like gaslighting yourself about whether something is gay, lol.)
There are also a lot of good running jokes developing. At some point in Ep 1 Bai Yu called everyone 'little killers' (xiao shashou) and it really caught on. And now every time a suspect is defending themself against evidence someone will say, laden with sarcasm, the equivalent of "sure you're innocent, little killer." Everyone keeps calling Zhang Linghe "Handsome He" and I literally cannot figure out if this is in the script or just them teasing him (because there seems to be a lot of teasing of ZLH). In addition to this the cast is making a lot of gay jokes and it's lovely because it's clearly not mean-spirited or cruel. Some seem to be just obvious and fun. But others I can easily interpret as the cast simply being like "hey, there is no gay here, let's put some gay here! It's fun!" In ep two there's a conversation that went something like this (I'm paraphrasing the subtitles)
ZKY *in character reading from I think another character's journal?*: Young Marshal He [ZLH's character] lifted his head and looked towards Young Marshal Ning [LYN's character] with a complicated emotion in his eyes. ZKY *out of character*: "What emotion?" Dilraba: What type of story is this? (omg the look on her face, she knows) ZLH *starts laughing and looking shy* LYN: *singing to ZLH* I've finally learned how to love… ❣️‼️ Dilraba *looking overjoyed*: This is so messy! (ZLH's character is supposed to be in love with her character, and LYN's character is her character's brother) ZLH (continues to laugh while simultaneously looking pleased and shy)
Then as they go on around the sets looking for clues and solving thing they just keep referencing this joke of ZLH's character and LYN's character being the ones in a romance in the story. But like I guess subtly enough that it gets past censorship? But like obvious enough I got it even with the terrible subtitles. And after this it's like all I can not to analyze every scene for good gay joke content.
There's several scenes while they are searching for clues and the lights go out and something scary happens. These presumably leave the cast unable to see in pitch black, but are filmed with some kind of night vision (nice to see who is dying their hair by how it comes out weird in the night scope, lol). So I'm bopping along wondering if I'm feeling creepy for how I'm kind of starting to ship LYN and ZLH and then the lights go out and I'm forced to frantically text by friend: "OMG the lights just went off on The Truth and LYN plastered himself, chest to back, on ZLH, then they grabbed Dilraba and pulled her in and now this is some kind of perfect bisexual triad that I didn't know I wanted?" And I'm sitting there, having watched it three times, asking myself if that's what really happened. Then the show's official Weibo posts it with the caption "After the lights go out, Liu Yuning became Zhang Linghe’s backpack." I mean, c'mon!!
the subtitles here are something like- LYN "let's sing to make ourselves brave" ZKY *sings the alphabet song and everyone joins in* LYN "what no, not this song."
And the scene carries on, the new bisexual triad of my dreams with arms linked and everyone being so cute that I can't stop thinking about for days. And then later the show decided to get a certain clue ZLH and LYN had to stand face to face and get wrapped like a mummy. Because why not? 😅😂 I was already being ridiculous about this, why not just SPOON FEED IT TO ME? And then. And then... Remember in ep 2 when LYN starts singing "I finally learned how to love" to ZLH? Welp then LYN posts the most theater kid emo gay boy video imaginable with song on his Weibo. A video that just screams, "I'm so deep, and cannot ever share my deep, meaningful conflicted feelings." And which point I'm forced to text my friend, "OMG is THIS the show that's finally going to turn me in to a delusional shipper? Of LYN and ZLH? This was not on my bingo card. Like totally out of left field." And yet here we are. I'm not proud of what this show has done to me. But obviously I'm not embarrassed enough to not post about either.🤡
Now I've written this entire rambling mess just so I could share that with you all my unhinged obsession with the gay subtext and gay jokes in this show. Like eagerly watching with popcorn looking for that next little single line or physical touch that I can make something huge out of. A week later and I'm still thinking about a moment when ZLH casually called LYN 'ge' while touching his shoulder because it felt so real and out of character for the scene. Because seriously, what is even happening in this show? Is this all happening, is it actually on screen, or am I finally really having a reality break? I think the point of this post was to convince you to watch this beautifully bonkers show, but I got really distracted by the gay. But like maybe that too will convince you to watch these absolute chaos gremlins?
#The Truth S2#开始推理吧 第二季#Start Reasoning#Zhang Linghe#张凌赫#Dilraba Dilmurat#Dilireba#迪丽热巴#Liu Yuning#刘宇宁#Bai Yu#Zhou Keyu#Wang Xun#should I be embarrassed about this?#PROBABLY#But I am not#mostly because I'm so fucking giddy with it#like this show is such an utter joy right now#like a pure break from the horrors of life#so if I want to ship these chaos gremlins then I will#because we all need hobbies#and I like to find the worst ones possible#Youtube#ab-TTS2-mine#all my xiǎo shāshǒu are really just chaos gremlins
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wait there’s like five hours until i’m 21…
#[𐐪— rheya talks. 𐑂]#SOMEONE MAKE ME FEEL MORE EXCITED ABOUT THIS#WHY AM I NOT FEELING ANYTHING#usually i’m so giddy on september 7th…#sobbing#i bet it’ll just feel like any old day#WHICH IS FINE#anyways#i see all the birthday wishes you guys left and i will reply to them all asap !!#but thank you guys sm :33#smooching each and every one of you#you’re all so lovely <333
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guys I just watched Rough Magic. I’m about to make it everyone’s problem
#WHEN I TELL YOU I FELL IN LOVE WITH RUSSELL ALL OVER AGAIN#just like it was the first time#i felt like a giddy teenager#don’t laugh when i say i literally cried once#100% not exaggerating he left me BREATHLESS#i felt like i was going to have a heart attack#no one warned me#no one told me that alex ross is not just unbelievably young and handsome#but he’s also sweet and charming and funny and witty and caring and compassionate#and alluring and nervous and protective and smart and passionate and kind-hearted and polite#and so easily swept off his feet#and SO ROMANTIC#I AM SWOONING#y’all are going to hear about alex ross for awhile#was the movie good? not particularly#did i have a good time watching it?#I HAD THE BEST TIME#i had a bad week and this movie fixed all my problems#his new york accent??? his funky 90s haircut??? his white undershirt???#I AM A DEAD WOMAN#the dance scene and the kissing scene sent me into orbit#i was shaking it shook me so hard#when i tell you i am ACHING for him#russell crowe has ruined my whole life#there will NEVER be a man like him#NEVER#i am so swept up by him tonight i just#i’m going to bed now but tomorrow it’s OVER for y’all#rough magic madness starts NOW#rough magic
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Domestic yesman sounds so delightful in all the best ways. You go grocery shopping and he insists on coming with you, but there's No way he'd fit through the doors so you begrudgingly leave him outside. Your perusing the aisles and suddenly he comes rolling up to you happy as can be. You ask where he came from, how he got in, but he just winks at you and doesn't answer. Then he begs you to get fancy ingredients because he learned a new recipe but the ingredients list looks Fucking Horrendous, but you humor him and buy them anyways. Later that night he cooks dinner and somehow turns fish paste, cream corn, and puff pastry into a delectable dinner
OUGHHHHHH SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP DOING THJSNGS TO MY BRAINNNNN
AUGHH sobbing like,,, holding one of his claws as we walk down the aisles,, him making a little beep to get my attention,,, everyone is so frightened of this huge fucking securitron meanwhile I'm being all lovey dovey with him. Ooooh my goddd oh my god. I'm gonna fucking EXPLODE
#thw more i think about this the more giddy i get#AUSGHHHHH#ohh my god#please#just like#he could carry ALL my groceries with ease#we walk back home just talking#he is so sweet all of the time#im gonna be sick#stop. stop#PLEASE#THSI ISNT EVEN POSSIBLE THEY DONT HAVE GROCERY STORES IN THE POST APOCALYPSE#and yet here i am#screaing#help#monnie answers
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#boyfriend update#!!!#he's picking me up from work today and he does that sometimes if hes out and about by car and it matches up with my end of work#and theres just something about it that makes me so excited and giddy and its such a nice feeling#idk#like i genuinely dont mind or care to walk/take the tram to his place after work#but its such a nice gesture#his love language for sure is like showering me with acts of service and i am melting every single time he does smth for me just cause#he wants to#i also forgot but i think i did mention that we are building me a gaming pc????#and hes so passionate about it and doing research and already making all the plans about what i need and what i want and what i want it to#look like#its not gonna happen before fall bc im moving in the coming months and am gonna have a lot of expenses for new furniture and shit#but!!#personal#hes truly the best thing to have happened to me
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i’m ngl that one scene from babylon where the director grabs nellie’s face and forces her to spit her gum out does make me feel Things
#is this hornyposting idk will probably delete when I have had more than two hours of sleep oops#has anybody giffed this moment#for no reason at all#nellie laroy is a sub I said what I said#an absolutely bratty sub but a sub nonetheless#thinking about the Margot interview where she was like ‘I knew Diego was the perfect manny#because when he said ‘shut the fuck up’ I shut the fuck UP. and Nellie only responds to people who can do that’#I’m paraphrasing but it was something like that#and her bi awakening with lady fay. the Margot interview again where she was like#‘nellie was just so discombobulated because this woman took control of her sexually in front of all these people#and she’s on this giddy high from it’#margot really read the script and said oh wow this character is for sure a sub#she really is so Character I’m normal about her#I may be the only person in the world who thinks about Nellie laroy babylon (2023) but by god am I gonna talk about her#I could’ve fucked with a Nellie/director lesbian subplot at some point#lady fay/nellie should be endgame but it would’ve been fun to have those two because they had good chemistry#the way the director was always boosting her up before a shot and nellie yelling at the sound guy ‘I ONLY LISTEN TO MY DIRECTOR’#her ignoring the sound guy when he instructs her to do something but when her director tells her to do the exact same thing#Nellie does what she’s told. and also them both being women in the industry surrounded by men? could’ve been a good subplot#hell nellie could be poly
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omg omg my friend that i’m totally not interested in asked if i want to call like just us two sometime (my friend is in another country for a couple months rn) stay calm lili omg
#LIKEEEEE this doesn’t mean anything i mean friends call each other all the time but i met this friend through my brother and#usually we all talk together or even with one more mutual friend#bc we all love hanging out together#so even tho me and this friend get along great we haven’t hung out that many times one by one#and we do chat from time to time but likeee this is different ok#AND LIKE. i haven’t had a crush on anyone IN LITERAL AGES and i wouldn’t say this even counts as one#but if it doesn’t mean i’m at least interested in her then why am i all giddy and like ”omg omg” about this dkfkskf#anyway nothing is realistically gonna happen but i’m just happy about this! like even if nothing ever happens it’s perfectly fine#alsooo SORRY I’VE BEEN SO INACTIVE on all of my blogs i swear i’m gonna be back 💖#lili’s rambles
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guys you might be truly shocked by this but I am so gay and I love boys 😭🫶
#this is brought to you by me being so unbelievably and pathetically gay for cute boys#tell me why i get all giddy n giggly n shit after just thinking about him#thats so embarrassing of me 🫣#fuck me bro why am i like the modt embarrassingly gay person ever#mlm#mlm thoughts#my.txt#me.txt
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finally listening to guts ajsklfd
#it’s been a long time coming but#!!#i feel like i would have had to force myself to sit down if i wanted to listen to an album these days#and i didn’t like that so i just put it off#but now that my mood has lightened up a bit i’m finally doing it#it’s like 5 am here and i’m going to listen to it while building this lego like toy and i feel so giddy lmao#i can cry about the slow destruction of my future later#it’s time to heal my inner child while also hurting my current teenage self with this album (in the best way possible)#okay anyway#see you when i see you#i will probably be way more annoying again sorry#like it’ll be like sntv all over again#so apologies in advance#guts#olivia rodrigo#<3#nadirants
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