#I am in the European fandom a lot more often than the American one so maybe I’m biased towards it

[philosophicalparadox]

Also, I have no idea if Miura was keeping this in the back of his head given the amount of research he did, but medieval views of homosexual behavior were…well not actually that “medieval”.

Like, yeah, the church definitely frowned on that, but the whole corporal punishment thing wasn’t really enforced even after it became a cardinal sin circa the 1280’s. It wasn’t until after the 1560’s and well into the renaissance that homosexual behavior became a Big Deal and people were intentionally killed for it. Prior, the punishment for serial sodomy (which as a legal term included things like pedophilia and BDSM in most places) was castration, which incidentally killed about half the people it was done to by way of infection. But those who survived, interestingly, were often all but forced into the Church ironically enough, often as monks or infamously choir boys,less because no one else would take them and more because they had to serve penance and if you were too poor to pay the fine, you basically became a monk or nun and toiled away the fee.

Aaaanyway back on track: The overarching view of homosexual behavior was that it was behavioral; there was no such thing at that time as a “gay” man, only a man who engaged in homosexual activity. Which many straight men did and still do selectively, I.e oral and “helping hand” type things between friends to demonstrate comraderie and/or to assert power or control over another man.

To this end, Miura did actually depict the unfortunately common practice of militaristic men “hazing” the newbies by doing sexual things to them, though raping them is an extreme example. That was a thing that happened with surprising regularity if the casualness of the few sources there are is any indication. They did this not because they were gay, but for the exact same reason frat houses haze their newbs - to establish the pecking order and display dominance, which is essential to the functioning of any military operation, but more so when your men are in a mercenary Band as opposed to a company; the former being smaller, less well organized versions of the latter, usually started by men that didn’t have the tenure to form or join a Company, which was made up almost entirely of retired knights with years of experience. Consequently Companies could be very very picky about their recruiting. Bands were less so, and often fizzled out or turned to criminal behavior because they lacked the discipline(and financial backing) of a Company. Miura depicted that element quite accurately too, with the Band of the Hawk engaging in robbery and in particular pillaging for resources. (That is the entire point of raiders by the by; their sole purpose is to raid, intimidate, and all around be jerks and thieves who dgaf about being either)

Point being, while there’s likely a correlation between Miuras personal interests and the quasi- homosexual lusting after Griffith for his androgyny, it also would not be considered unusual at all in the setting to find him attractive or want to bed him, especially given that he holds so much authority.

Part of why I think Miura threw in the jab Corkus made about Guts being a fag is to further accentuate not only Griffiths attractiveness but the implication that those feelings were not necessarily out of place for the setting. Frowned upon maybe, but not uncommon. Even in medieval times there was definitely an existing double entendre to the phrase, courtesy the aforementioned hazing behavior, implying that Guts might be using “favors” to get Griffiths approval. That he said it in public makes it feel like it leans more towards the slightly more literal archaic meaning someone who is inherently subservient (or the very literal one; fags were below pages in the order of things, so that was about as low as you could go) but that doesn’t really vibe with Guts personality or the fact he is at that point well known as a commander, (albeit maybe not to everyone) so I have to assume that what Corkus meant was intended to be suggestive, unless he was being hyperbolic in his distaste of the man - either way its an interesting addition personally, and as is the case with much of Miuras writing, very up to interpretation.

Anyway TLDR is that it wouldn’t have been remotely out of place in a realistic medieval setting (which, barring some anachronisms and typical Manga/ fantasy things, Berserks world is actually pretty accurate to the 1420’s period) for even “straight” men to find Griffith attractive or even sleep with him, for power/status reasons.

Is there any straight explanation for how a lot of men in the manga are textually thirsty for griffith? Like what was the point? And also i feel like Miura be projecting his own atracttion into it... Like he really wants to fuck him i get uncomfy sometime, idk if that makes sense

Based on at least this interview Miura did have a thing for androgyny so yeah that's likely a factor, though I don't find it uncomfortable. Who doesn't want to fuck Griffith, good for Miura if he wanted to too.

That said, it does fit the themes lol. There's no straight explanation, but imo there is an explanation that goes a little deeper than fun homoeroticism. I've discussed aspects of it before so I'll link a few things.

I have this post about people pedestalizing Griffith and how it facilitates the tragedy of the Golden Age.

This post about how Griffith is a symbol to people and his beauty reflects that.

And this post about his sexual vulnerability and how that's a major theme of his narrative wrt trauma.

Basically Griffith's attractiveness fits his narrative perfectly because his narrative is all about embodying an idealized image of himself to achieve his goals and deny his own vulnerabilty, and how that ultimately fucks him over when everyone including Guts believes that image and doesn't see the real person underneath, and results in him eventually losing everything human about himself and more literally becoming the image when he becomes NeoGriffith. And this is all tied up in trauma as well, which is also related to his beauty, eg Gennon.

Thanks for the ask!

[sunnysam-my]

Dark Academia is a subculture and it isn't problematic, just misunderstood.

I am so tired of people that aren't a part of this community shitting on dark academia literally any time it gains popularity again, claiming that it's pretentious, elitist and racist. It's not problematic, at least not in a way most people criticise it for.

What all of those people don't seems to understand is that there's the dark academia aesthetic and there is the dark academia the subculture. Even when they do understand they still put people who are only interested in the fashion and overall vibe together with people who are dark academia.

Why is dark academia a subculture?

First let's start with what even subculture is?

It's a cultural group within a larger culture, often sharing a collection of values, beliefs, rituals and traditions. Despite what many believes, it doesn't have to have any connection to music, like Star Trek and Star Wars fans, but there's no need for having a shared fandom at all, like the gays, bikers and youth.

Participation in the dark academia subculture is not limited to following a specific set of fashion. It suggest preferred activities, hobbies, philosophies and lifestyles. The focus is on reading and expanding one’s horizons, on becaming the best version of oneself no matter the cost, especially by engaging in classical literature, history, foreign languages, mythology, art and philosophy. On top of that DA is actually connected to certain music (classical and neoclassical) and fandoms.

The (incorrect) criticisms:

1. One of the more common criticisms of dark academia is that of its superficiality and pretentiousness – that it is more a fetishisation of intellectual life than real intellectual life. "Instead of being a reading society, it's a Dead Poets Society cosplay." This is just simply untrue. Yes, there are people who are purely here for the aesthetic and vibes, but they aren't part of the subculture. People who are genuinely part of this community do read all those books, write poetry, journal e.t.c regularly and try to be well educated.

2. The money issue. Now this is where it gets funny. Dark academia is often called classist and racist because of it's "idealised vision of the academic lifestyle in which the money is simply there". Obviously in places where higher education is strictly financially driven studying is a bitch. Nowadays there are even a lot of doctors who are homeless, especially in US. But DA is mainly a European thing, and in a lot of EU countries studying isn't that expensive, it's not cheap either (books costs a lot and not working doesn't help), but you don't need to pay for a good education, you need to study hard and compete with others to get good education.

This however is not a dark academia problem. It's a harsh reality. One that we need to fight with. Getting higher education shouldn't make you get into a debt. It shouldn't make you sacrifice social life for studying all your life only to end on the streets.

3. "Eurocentric obsession". This is so dumb I don't even know to say. How can you possibly call people, mostly from Europe, problematic for being fascinated by Europe's history, it's past culture, Greek mythology, mostly European philosophers (but American too), Latin that is still fucking taught at many schools here, etc. All of things are taught in schools here. There is nothing wrong with you being obsessed with Asian royalty and making it part of your personality, but God forbid, you, a white person, are obsessed with the best parts of your history and culture 🙄.

4. Another criticism of dark academia is that it encourages unhealthy behaviour, both physically (caffeine overconsumption, smoking, drugs) and mentally (perfectionist, constant competition). The pursuit of perfection comes at a price. The entire idea of DA is to study as hard as possible so you can reach enlighten. It's workaholism, except it's school, not work. Now this is why I think dark academia isn't problematic in a way people think, but is misunderstood.

A melancholic comforting dream

It's easy to understand why people think DA is unhealthy or fake. Nights spent studying, writing essays for hours on end, drowning in books and writing excessive notes. For many this sounds like a nightmare, but dark academia romanticise it. It see it as the true joy of university life. At the same time there's taking joy in reflecting on what is irretrievably lost, pessimistic and melancholic.

In reality most people in this community are overworked neurodivergent, usually twice exceptional, youth who struggles mentally. So many people are twice exceptional and it's very obvious. The hyperfixetions, the love for linguistics and humanities, the hate of math.

For many Dark Academia is a coping method.

Staples of dark academia fiction explore intellectualism, classic literature and self-discovery, but also the struggle of fighting for your identity, the way humans are shaped by their trauma, the way they destroy themselves to be better. The word "dark" in Dark Academia is primarily about those dark sides of the human nature, not just the dark colours of the DA aesthetic.

If you think that Dead Poets Society romanticised suicide or Kill Your Darlings academicly motivated drug use then you're the crazy one here. People loved those movies, because of how relatable they were, even the suffering.

Studying is a bitch. If you make it fun then you are less depressed about the fact that you don't have the choice to not study all night. It's not just nostalgia for what you haven't experienced, but what you have to endure all your youth. Some people are forced to study to be the very best and sacrifice their (social) lives, because the system is so broken, but if you can make it into your own, comforting, time - it's better. Sure, the movies and books have lots of harmful copying mechanism, but irl (or in this case online) this community encourages healthy methods like reading, making art, journaling, acting etc.

I do think there's a lot of to talk about when it comes to, for example, sexism, and I do agree DA needs more diversity than just white cis man, but like I said, it's not problematic in a way most people criticise it for.

[marinsawakening]

God. I really truly do not understand the appeal of zelink. It is so viciously, aggressively heterosexual. And white. The white heterosexuality is seeping from every pore of that ship. I don't care if you make one or both of them trans or bisexual or whatever, the very base of zelink is one of the most aggressively white, heterosexual dynamics in existence: the white princess and the white male knight. Open any random European fairytale book and chances are you'll see this dynamic. The romanticization of the dainty vulnerable precious white girl and the strong brave noble white male knight and their inevitable marriage and babies is baked into this dynamic, IS the dynamic. And this dynamic, the princess and knight, is the entire appeal of zelink, y'know? Link does not have enough personality for the ship to have any actual chemistry, and honestly, neither does Zelda a lot of the time. In something like Skyward Sword they at least have SOMETHING else going on, but more often than not they rlly don't.

Princess and knight can be a fun romantic dynamic if you are subverting the white heterosexuality of it all. If you make the princess Black, you subvert the racist stereotypes of Black women as aggressive/not worth caring for, allowing them to be vulnerable in a way they are often not allowed to be in stories. If you make the relationship queer, you subvert the heterosexual ideal, the centuries of ingrained gender roles in this dynamic, the idea that heterosexuality is something beautiful to strive for. Etc.

Zelink does none of these things. You can try to add headcanons to subvert stuff, sure, like you can make them trans or lesbian or gay men or Black or brown or whatever, but at the end of the day, you looked at this terminally white heterosexual dynamic and went 'wow that's so cool I want to think about that'. I just don't get it. 'Oooh loyalty, the inherent eroticism of the knight/princess dynamic' I do not think the eroticism is inherent and I take issue with the very idea that is. Bc again. This dynamic is TERMINALLY white and heterosexual. Some real homegrown European bullshit. To me it's like if people started fawning over the American 50s housewife/breadwinner dynamic because 'loyalty'. Like you can do some fun stuff with that too but absent of any kind of deliberate subversion it's just. Bad.

Because you're legally required to add this to any post criticizing a ship or character or headcanon or whatever, no I do not think shipping zelink makes you a bad person, no I do not think it is morally wrong to like the zelink or the princess/knight dynamic, I do not hold the keys to heaven and can neither indict nor absolve you of sin. And for the record this is not a ship war thing either, I dislike (or am violently neutral) toward nearly all LOZ ships, and feel like the popular f/m ones are consistently annoyingly heterosexual and boring. (And the m/m ones have standard fandom sexism problems usually.) I just very strongly dislike this ship in particular due to a) its widespread popularity, and b) the princess and knight dynamic being THAT egregious to me. Like malink is a boring nothing ship playing into some wildly white heterosexual dynamics in the whole 'traumatized man retires to the country side with a lovely patient wife who helps him through his trauma' dynamic that seems to permeate the ship 99% of the time, but also, that particular trope isn't quite literally baked into the foundations of European literature. So it annoys me a lot less. Basically this isn't me tearing down zelink to prop up a different ship this is me tearing down zelink for the love of the game.

EDIT: and ALSO this is NOT an invitation for you to explain to me what you like about zelink/[insert LOZ ship] because frankly I do not care. I can some up with reasons why someone would like zelink or [insert LOZ ship], intellectually. Emotionally I just think it sucks.

I'm going to fire some rent lowering gunshots hold up

[emptymasks]

I’ve seen a lot about your thoughts on Elisabeth and Tanz der Vampire, and they’ve been really helpful getting into those musicals! But you have a huge list of other musicals that people can get into…

So I was wondering if you had any musicals you hadn’t mentioned in a while that you really like or would like to talk about??? (preferably something from your lists that has a blue heart please?)

Oh if only you knew how long the list of European musicals really is... I however have only seen 9 (if I counted right) and I have a lot more that I still need to watch. Oh also, I only put the blue hearts on any musicals that I was providing multiple links for so people could see which version I reccoment the most highly. If a musical only had one link and didn't have a blue heart it doesn't mean I didn't like it.

I've watched: Mozart das Musical, Elisabeth das Musical, Tanz der Vampire, 3 Musketiers, Mozart L'Opéra Rock, Dracula (the Graz production), Rebecca das Musical, Roméo et Juliette and Schikaneder.

If you enjoyed those two you're likely to enjoy Rebecca! It's written by the same composer/lyricist team as Elisabeth and Mozart (and same lyricist as Tanz der Vampire - though if you're listening to any German musical, original or translated, 90% of the time the lyrics will have been done by Michael Kunze that man is everywhere). The Stuttgart production has my favourite set design of any musical! Well... Actually probably. There are so many big set pieces it's insane, way more than I've seen in some Broadway and West End musicals. You can tell so much work went into it and the visual effects that I won't spoil if you don't know the plot but if you know the plot you know what I mean by the effects at the end are so good and I didn't expect them at all and I freaked out so much the first time I watched it. Jan Ammann as Maxim in the Stuttgart production is the best Maxim. No I won't take any argument. Other actors feel a bit one-dimensional to me, but the way Maxim acts at times comes from trauma and some actors and productions seem to forget that, but Jan really goes for it and his Maxim is a lot more sympathetic and I just want to give him a hug. Pia Douwes as Mrs Danvers, if you've seen her in Elisabeth what more do I need to say, she's amazing. A musical goddess. Her Danny is a bit more wild than some, but she kills it. My favourite video, which I put the blue heart next to, has understudy Christina Patten as Ich/I, but I adore her she's my favourite. She adds some spunk to Ich in act 2 and her voice is so pretty and aaaa. I just love these three actors together in these roles.

Roméo et Juliette is another favourite of mine! It's hard to choose which one to recommend, but it has to be the original 2000/2001 production because of the sweetness and chemistry and voices of Damien Sargue and Cecilia Cara as Romeo and Juliet. They're so pretty and work together so well. The only reason I say it's hard to pick is Mercutio. I adore him, but in the original production they cut out a song they had planned for him and he doesn't really do much at all? In the 2010 revival they gave him two more songs and you care about him so much more and John Eyzen plays such a good Mercutio. So I'd recommend the original but if you want to like Mercutio more, which you should he's amazing, I'd recommend watching at least clips of John's. It's an interesting musical because all productions are non-replica and also change around the order of songs, add or take away characters, all sorts. The Hungarian production is also very popular and I'm sure it's great, I just haven't' gotten around to watching it yet.

Mozart das Musical was the first non-English language musicals I watched so I have a fondness for it, but it's not my favourite. However, I do realise I have forgotten most of the songs and the few I've gone back and listened to are better than I remember.

Dracula isn't super popular and I understand why, I don't love the plot of the Dracula/Mina romance in it, however. I do love this musical because despite how I find the plot lacking, the songs are so good! At least, I love them. And the actors are all doing a great job. And it's one of the few Dracula adaptions to keep Quincy Morris so they get bonus points for that.

Mozart L'Opéra Rock and modern French musicals... This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they're often more like pop-rock operas now. So if you're not into musicals with that style of music it might not be for you, but I still enjoyed it even though I didn't think I would because of the style of music. Mozart and Salieri's chemistry is very good, Salieri's bisexual crisis song is iconic, actually all of Salieri's songs are iconic.

Schikaneder... eh. I didn't like it that much and I didn't really like any of the songs. There's no English subtitles, but someone sent me the entire English synopsis and I watched it with a German friend so I had double the help of understanding it. Doesn't mean others might not like it, just none of the songs stood out to me and I had no desire to listen to any of them again. It's by Steven Scharwz of Wicked fame and I love Wicked, but I didn't love this.

3 Musketiers!! God it's so underrated and not spoken about within the European musical fandom that I even forget about it and literally forgot to write about it earlier in this post. It's a Dutch musical (though did also have a German production) and it's really good!? Faces you might know are Pia Douwes as Milady de Winter, Stanley Burlseon as Cardinal Richeliu (Netherlands Der Tod in Elisabeth), Henk Poort as Athos (Netherlands Phantom and Jean Valjean). The dialgoue is funny, the songs are good, some of the set pieces have no right to exist in this tiny musical?? They made this giant boat and pelt the actors with rain just for one 5 minute song and then we never see the boat again? And while I recommend the Dutch one because Dutch musicals deserve more love and it has official English subtitles!! Official ones, not fanmade! I have the DVD and it comes with English subtitles (and Dutch and German subtitles) which is so nice. The German version is also good, good cast, Pia came back and Uwe Kroger as Richeliu and omg they rearranged the songs and the German arrangement of Nicht Aus Stein is insane and amazing and frankly iconic.

That's all of the ones I have watched. Next on my list to watch are Rudolf and Notre Dame de Paris, both of which I have listened to some songs from and already love (I've listened to way too much of Notre Dame de Paris and am so in love).

I want to start organising streams where I'll host the musical either by getting the video from Youtube or my own files and anyone who wants to join can come along and watch with us, chat with us if you want or just watch there's no pressure to chat. I thought about doing weekly streams? This would also make me finally watch some of the ones I've been meaning to for ages. But I keep wondering about time zones. I'm in the UK and would want to stream at about 11pm at the latest (11pm BST/GMT+1 as we’re in daylight savings at the moment, if the streams continue past the end of October which would be wild then I’ll make a note of the time change that would be to 11pm GMT), which I know can work for other UK and Europeans, but for any Americans would be in the afternoon. So, I wondered if doing it on a weekend would be better? Then it doesn't matter if it's in the afternoon? Maybe Saturday evenings then? It would either be Saturday evenings UK time or Friday evenings UK time. What do you guys think? If people are down then I'll make a separate post with a list of what we'll be watching each week and if anything happens to me that means I can't stream one week then everything will just get pushed back a week, but I don't see that as likely to happen. And I'll only be streaming those that have English subtitles, so don't worry about not being able to understand anything.

edit: am also open to 10pm bst if others want that, im just trying to think of what time works best for everyone so sorry if 11pm is a little late for europeans, i know 10pm could be a little early for americans. also in case it sounded like these are the only musicals i will be streaming, thats not so, ive got more than just the ones mentioned on this list!

(Tagging some people who I know are or might be interested in streams to see what you think of that plan: @sirona-art @ringwraith100 @tanz-der-trash @smilingwoland @the-weird-dane @witchgaye @ami-fidele @kisstheghouls @looking-4-happiness @ladysapphire928 @sloanedestler @tinywound @persephonaae @phoenixdewinter @uwucoffee @freshbloodandgothicism )

[cutesilyo]

Notes and References for i know your eyes in the morning sun

Hi! These are notes and references for my IndoPhil fic i know your eyes in the morning sun, so please check it out before reading this!

Title: i know your eyes in the morning sun Summary: When a homesick Indonesia is unexpectedly taken out of his meeting for a day trip in Rome with Philippines, he isn't expecting much more than exhaustion ahead of him. Instead, what happens is a whirlwind of food, fun, and a surprising amount of reflection on their histories and differences as nations. And as he looks deeper and deeper in the other nation's bright eyes, he learns to come to terms with the feelings he's been ignoring for far, far too long. Alternatively: a nation who's too attached to the past goes on a date with a nation whose entire philosophy is built on trying to live in the moment. Yes, there is kissing involved. Read on: AO3 | FF.net

Scene 1: Pizza al taglio

As coincidence would have it, the G20 2021 Summit actually will be held in Rome, Italy. However, it’ll be on the end of October rather than the end of September like how its depicted in the fic. I’m also very much ignoring the COVID-19 pandemic. Pretend it never happened.

Borobudur is the largest Buddhist temple in the world, found in the island of Java, Indonesia. It was built way back in the 7th Century and it's probably Indonesia's top most visited site.

Terang bulan is basically like a really large, fluffy, folded pancake. It also has a variety of different names and is also eaten in Brunei, Malaysia, and Singapore.

If you could have a convenience store dedicated solely to pizza, that's what pizza al taglio establishments are like. Its literal translation is pizza by the cut, and since it's a lot more common to find in Rome than in other places in Italy, it's also called Roman-style pizza. The layout for the al taglio shop that Indonesia and Philippines go to is inspired from the shop that me and my family went to: a small family establishment just a short walk away from the Vatican.

You can actually find a recipe for Indonesia’s arugula and mozzarella pizza here: https://shared.publicmediaconnect.org/docs/atk/Pizza_Taglio_Cooks_Illustrated.pdf

Scene 2: Souvenir store + Bus stop

Indonesian rupiahs are notoriously hyperinflated, so the 15 euros that Philippines uses to buy the keychains convert to 250k+ rupiahs. That's around 50k short for actually being able to buy a local economy flight on Lion Air. For comparison, the same amount of euros convert to approximately 900 Philippine pesos. It’s also a few hundred pesos short of buying a local economy flight on Cebu Pacific.

There actually was a point when a G20 meeting was held in the Coliseum. It was the G20 culture ministers meeting just a few months ago, in July 2021.

Yes, on top of the thousands of festivals we already have, Filipinos also celebrate Oktoberfest! It's more of an excuse for local beer companies to shamelessly promote their product and encourage drinking fests on a massive scale, but a more legitimate Oktoberfest celebration is organized by the German Club in Manila. Lucky Philippines gets to celebrate it authentically in Munich with the German brothers, who historically aimed to conquer the Philippines before America managed to stake his claim. So if you sense that Germany is being oddly shy towards Philippines here, that's just Germany being embarrassed because of their history.

Italy's major international airport in Rome is Aeroporto Internazionale di Roma–Fiumicino "Leonardo da Vinci", so you generally just call it Fiumicino for short. A possible travel route for flying from the Philippines to Italy is Clark-Dubai-Rome, and another is Manila-Hong Kong-Rome.

Scene 3: Gianicolo

Bali, Boracay, and El Nido are beaches that serve as major tourist destinations.

Vietnam has already been mentioned to be a menace when she's drunk in her most recent character introduction. Laos is at the top of ASEAN when it comes to alcohol consumption, with the average Laotian drinking seven liters of pure alcohol every year.

Indonesia is sometimes known as the Invisible Nation. What this means to say is that there have not been many things that Indonesia has done that made massive waves on the global scale. From what I’ve read, this seems to have been an especially popular sentiment among Western analysts during the Cold War.

Australia's awkward attempt at an apology is a reference to when the Australian government had allegedly monitored and spied on the phone calls of several Indonesian officials. Indonesia and Australia have a history that goes far deeper than that though.

Monas is a common abbreviation for Indonesia's Monumen Nasional, proudly standing tall in the middle of Merdeka Square as a commemoration of the fight for Indonesian independence. Taman Surapati is a large, chill public park; it also has a monument dedicated to commemorating ASEAN there. Both are located in Jakarta, Indonesia's capital. Meanwhile, Philippines' mention of Luneta refers to Luneta Park. It's also known as Rizal Park, as it's the place where the national hero Jose Rizal was executed for the influence he had in encouraging the fight for Philippine independence.

In Rome, there are seven major hills: they formed the geographical heart of Ancient Rome, with Palatino and Campidoglio as the most significant given how connected they were to Rome's founding and Rome's religion. Gianicolo is outside the boundaries of Ancient Rome, and as such, it isn't counted among the seven hills. It is dedicated to the Roman god Janus and was a place for the augurs to divine the will of the gods — kind of like a prophecy, if a prophecy could be divined from bird entrails. Now it's a great spot for a scenic view of modern Rome which features, among other things, a large statue of Giuseppe Garibaldi. Garibaldi was a major figure in the Italian Reunification.

Nusantara means many different things, but in the era of the Majapahit empire, it referred to the vassal kingdoms in what is now modern-day Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Timor Leste, and the southern parts of modern-day Thailand and Philippines. Modern usage of the word in Indonesia generally refers to the Indonesian archipelago, but it can also be used to refer to the entirety of maritime Southeast Asia. Culturally and historically, Southeast Asia is divided into the mainland region (the countries connected to the Asian continent: Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar) and maritime (the countries that are islands and archipelagos: Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Brunei, Philippines).

Italy, together with the United Kingdom, is the largest European migration destination for Filipinos. The largest migration destination for Filipinos in general is America.

Shout-out to Ro-na for this wonderful headcanon of Philippines being sickly in his early days as a Spanish colony! The galleon ships used to facilitate trade between the Philippines and Mexico (perhaps the Philippines' most major contribution to the Spanish crown) would often be attacked by pirates or destroyed in typhoons, especially in the first few decades.

Majapahit and Srivijaya are only two of pre-colonial Indonesia's many powerful empires. A lot of the pre-colonial stuff has been simplified for brevity's sake, but a brief summary of it all basically goes like this: pre-colonial Indonesia was involved with everyone in maritime SEA, where everyone traded with each other; and mainland SEA was non-stop fighting where the major powers were the empires that would later become Vietnam and the Khmer empire that would influence everyone else in mainland SEA. You can find a more detailed look into mainland SEA history by Gemu in her posts here, who is my main influence for everything mainland SEA-related.

A young Brunei picking flowers for a young Philippines is a reference to all the marriages that had occurred between their nobility during the pre-colonial era.

Scene 4: Apartment

The turtle fountain in Rome is a real thing: Fontana delle Tartarughe was originally designed with dolphins in mind, but the dolphins were removed and replaced by turtles. In fandom, you usually see Philippines calling Indonesia kuya, which is Tagalog for older brother. In at least one Indonesian language (I can't remember which one at the moment, sorry!), kuya means turtle.

Tondo, Seludong, Butuan, Sulu, Sugbu, and Panay are all polities in pre-colonial Philippines, two for each of the main island groups in the country: Luzon in the north, Mindanao in the south, and Visayas in the middle. Unlike pre-colonial Indonesia, the societies in the Philippines were never united by a single kingdom or empire; the Philippine islands were only united through the efforts of Spanish and American colonization.

Filipinos tend to sing a lot. Many of us are really good at it. Karaoke is really popular here.

Philippines' PIN code of 8862 is a reference to when ASEAN was founded: August 8, 1962. The founding members were Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, and Thailand.

This might be as good of a time as ever for me to mention that I am depicting Philippines and Indonesia as Catholic and Muslim respectively. Filipinos are predominantly Catholic and the Philippines is the largest Catholic country in Asia, while Indonesia has a number of official religions and is the largest Muslim nation in the world.

Special thanks to Desa for helping me with Indonesia's prayer times! Normally, Muslims pray five times a day, but when travelling Muslims are allowed to pray only three times. This is called Qasr salah, or Qasr sholat in Indonesia. What is usually Fajr (called Subuh in Indonesia), Zuhr, Asr, Magrib, and Isha becomes only Fajr, Zuhr-Asr, and Mahgrib-Isha; essentially, without getting into the specifics of time, a prayer for sunrise, afternoon, and night. The mosques will remind everyone when it's prayer time with adhan (called adzan in Indonesia), but in non-Muslim countries abroad, many Muslims have to use websites and apps to keep track. Something I didn't mention in the fic is that Rome actually has the largest mosque in the Western world, Moschea di Roma, so Indonesia could have potentially prayed there. 

Scene 5: Apartment dinner table

Sholat wouldn’t take Indonesia more than a few minutes, so imagine that he did something else while waiting for Philippines to finish cooking.

Baked fish with sliced lemons is a meal that got served to me a lot in Italy. Chop suey is Chinese, but China has had a significant cultural influence for most of Southeast Asia throughout history; the Indonesian version is known as kap cay. Indomie Mi Goreng is a particularly tasty and famous kind of instant noodles from Indonesia. It's very popular in many Asian countries. Indonesia doesn’t drink, but Philippines is drinking white wine because that’s what you’re supposed to do when eating fish. Red wine goes with meat.

Admittedly, this is my own personal headcanon, but I like to think of Philippines living in Spain with the other Spanish colonies while everyone else in maritime SEA were left behind to live in their own countries. It's my own neat Hetalia universe explanation for how much Spanish influence there is in Filipino culture, and how isolated Filipinos can sometimes feel among their neighbors.

I do think that Philippines would have a Hispanic-sounding human name, but I've never really settled on what name actually would be: in fandom, Felipe, Lorenzo, and Jaime get thrown around a lot. In contrast, it seems like most people have settled on Dirga (short for Dirgantara) for Indonesia.

Philippines is sometimes called as la colonia abandonada in Spanish sources: the abandoned colony. Because the Philippines was so far away, Spain couldn't manage the colony directly and had to rely on Mexico/Nueva España to do the dirty work until Mexico became independent. This led to a more relaxed manner in how the country was managed for most of its Spanish colonial life; some scholars even go as far as saying that Spain's treatment of the Philippines was kinder than Spain's treatment of Latin America. I don't really agree — it was different, sure, but it wasn't kind in the least.

Contrast that with Indonesia as the largest and most important colony of the Dutch empire. Aside from all the money and economic prosperity that Indonesia gave to the empire, you'll also find many Dutch songs and hymns that are all praises to Indonesia. Much of the research in Indonesian history, ethnography, and archeology was made possible because of Dutch interest and support; until now, the Netherlands remains to be Europe's leader when it comes to Indonesian studies. This isn't to say that Netherlands treated Indonesia well, however.

After the Japanese occupation of Indonesia in WW2, Netherlands fought to keep power over the archipelago. Needless to say, the Netherlands failed. Indonesia was recognized as an independent country soon after.

Indië is the Dutch colonial name for Indonesia.

APEC is the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation, of which Philippines and Indonesia (and Thailand!) are members.

Scene 6 + 7: Apartment bedroom

What was Philippines doing in the 1920s, you ask? Being an American colony and trying to lobby for laws that would hasten his independence. Indonesia was in the middle of what’s called the Indonesian National Awakening; all the different peoples under Indonesia were beginning to come together and unite to fight for a single independent nation.

As a tarsier, Pien is actually supposed to be nocturnal; he shouldn't be sleeping at night at all. Maybe he just got jet lagged? Who knows.

BL stands for the boy's love genre of TV series. For years, Thailand had been the lead when it came to BL production with shows like TharnType and SOTUS. Recently, the Philippines has also been developing BL series — Gameboys specifically had achieved worldwide acclaim and is distributed globally through Netflix.

Filipino languages tend to have more complex verb conjugation and sentence structure compared to Bahasa Melayu and Bahasa Indonesia. The linguistic explanation for this is that most of the Filipino languages are based on the older Proto-Malayo-Polynesian language while Bahasa Melayu and Bahasa Indonesia are based on the newer, more simplified descendants of Proto-Malayo-Polynesian.

Pramoedya Ananta Toer was an Indonesian author that focused a lot of his work on nationalistic sentiments. He has a quote on bravery that I really like: Dalam hidup kita, cuma satu yang kita punya, yaitu keberanian. Kalau tidak punya itu, lantas apa harga hidup kita ini? Loosely translated, this reads as: In our life, we only have one thing, which is bravery. If it’s not, what is the value of our life?

Indonesia, as a large archipelago in the Pacific Ring of Fire, has a lot of active volcanoes. In contrast, the Philippines is regularly hit by tens of typhoons annually.

There are an estimated 12 million Filipinos overseas, and this number consistently rises through the years. It's one of the largest diaspora populations: name a country, you'll probably find a Filipino working there somewhere. OFWs (Overseas Filipino Workers) account for 10% of the country's population and the remittances they send back to their families account for 10% of the country's GDP. Indonesia has a similar phenomenon with TKIs (Tenaga Kerja Indonesia), of which there are 4.5 million worldwide.

Post-independence, Indonesia was very paranoid over Western influence in Southeast Asia. In that same time period, Philippine delegates to international conferences would always speak of democracy and the looming threat of Communism; even though most of the Asian delegates would prefer to move past Western problems and disputes to focus on a united Asia.

Telenovelas are soap operas produced in Latin America. They became popular in Southeast Asia as they were distributed and remade here. The Indonesian equivalent is the sinetron, and the Filipino equivalent is the teleserye.

Additionally, I cannot stress enough how much this fic is built on the foundations laid by others. I’ve already mentioned how much I took inspiration from Gemu’s depiction of mainland SEA, but I also credit Indonesia’s thing for temples to Desa; the passive-aggressive energy between Thailand and Philippines to Hali; amnesiac Piri to Koko, Kopi, and Sopas (among the many). There are a dozen other things I can attribute to a huge assortment of writers and artists: that Singapore has trouble remembering his pre-colonial roots as well, that Piri might have had a good relationship with Romano, Piri’s general flirty and flighty attitude, Indonesia’s awkwardness and big brother aura, etcetera, etcetera. If you’re someone that has been contributing to the SEA fandom these past few months, thank you. Thank you so much. 

[semi-imaginary-place]

remember when I said i complained about kpop stans for 4000 words and then never posted the rant because its a little ehhhhh. well i gave up on editing it so here’s an unedited excerpt.

And lastly is the fetishization by people (often white) of foreign and historical media in regards to gender, especially in fandom space. Like being stoic and quite is associated with European masculinity of the last couple hundred years. The “dignified gentleman” etc. etc. etc. but those qualities have also been at time be associated with ying which is also associated with feminine energy. The historic development of Chinese gendered expectations is like a whole doctoral thesis which I am also not qualified to write. The point is that what is masc/fem is culture specific. I remember seeing this in the “yaoi” fandom but straight cis female anime fandom in general (who after 10 years a lot of them discovered they weren’t straight or cis but that’s another story). Bishounen characters or more elegant and delicate men in the 2000’s were the heterosexual ideal in Japanese culture, while the stereotype of a gay man was one with bulging muscles (what we today would call thick). This was the opposite of American society’s stereotypes and so when the two clashed a lot of people online looked at bishounen characters and went “omg he’s gay hearteyes emoji” which in itself is fine. In the current year you see this in the kpop and Chinese drama fandoms. I should mention that these media and specifically adding “shipping bait” for their presumed cis straight female audiences much like how BL was written and drawn for cis straight women. (BL is a whole other rabbit hole). And all that is eehh except that that fandom culture also plays into racist stereotypes in America that Asian men “aren’t real men”. Aka misogyny weaponized against men to hold them to impossible standards, keep them inline and perpetuating the patriarchy, and punish anyone who deviates, repurposed to specifically target racial minorities. Ah yes the gatekeeping of manhood as a tool of the patriarchy. Also there were very much genderqueer historical figures by modern definitions but when someone erases all historical cultural context to coop it to push their own agenda it really annoys me. So that thing fandoms do where they infantize and demasculinize Asian men isn’t cute or revolutionary its just retreading old and ingrained racist stereotypes. This is why gender studies lives or dies on intersectionality.

(the epitomes of man and womanhood being constructed to be white aka that white men and women are the most masculine/feminine a person can be, is also why England is TERF island. which other people have written more eloquently than me on)

[starstuffandalotofcoffee]

Tumblr took that one piece of information about goblins being antisemitic caricatures in some specific historical context and has just been running with it for like 5 years now and indiscriminately applying it to any gross or creepy character. Preschool level literary and artistic analysis mixed with a desperate need to look woke i guess but still 🙄

Yeah...it goes so far beyond that though, and it’s not just limited to fantasy although as someone who consumes mostly fantasy/sci fi and whose Tumblr fandom presence is mainly in those circles that’s a big part of what I see. It’s like people unconsciously picked up on the concept that Jewish people are the ethnic group most targeted for hate crimes in the U.S., but are also are a small group with sufficient internal diversity such that experiences within the group can vary wildly so you often won’t get huge amounts of pushback, and went culturally-Christian buckwild.

Like, just off the top of my head: my mother has been an LOTR fan since the 70s. My sister stayed up to listen to Evermore when it dropped despite having work the next morning. I’m one of four kids and three of us play Dungeons & Dragons regularly, and both of the D&D games I’m in regularly are at least half Jewish. None of these things are in any way inherently antisemitic, in my opinion, and many, many Jewish people like them.

Also I’ve seen like 20 times more discourse about goblins or Ferengi or making a character with green skin than about, say, Shakespeare and specifically The Merchant of Venice, or (with the caveat that I haven’t seen it), The Umbrella Academy. [note: I enjoy a lot of Shakespeare, who was antisemitic in a time when Jews were literally banned from Britain; I refuse to watch the Umbrella Academy because come the fuck on]. It’s almost like the things these people cancel are things they already didn’t like, or things people they don’t like enjoy, and ‘problematic’ ironically becomes a way to justify being a really hateful person while simultaneously making it much harder to address real-world bigotry because of alert fatigue. (see also the recent ‘crypto-terf’ blocklist for an example of that whole fucked up way of being). (also with the major caveat that the complex relationship between Jews and whiteness aside I am personally someone who looks white, a lot of the white people wringing their hands over goblins ignore or even defend biological essentialism regarding a tendency towards violence, or noble savage stereotypes in sci fi and fantasy which is...interesting.)

Some of it is preschool level literary analysis and Woke Points, sure, but I think a lot of people are just too chickenshit to address that antisemitism in history didn’t look like veiled references to goblins. It looked like their own white European ancestors kicking mine out of various countries and launching violent genocidal attacks. Sure, modern-day antisemitism sometimes takes the form of dogwhistles, but also like, the synagogue I went to when I lived in the midwest was vandalized with swastikas on the eve of Rosh Hashana, as was my local train and park when I lived in NYC, and the kol nidre appeal I heard in 2019 referenced that the cost of a security guard, after Tree of Life, is a significant expense. A lot of white Christians have the luxury of looking away from the obvious stuff, and boy, do they luxuriate in it.

My slightly wild theory, and believe me, I’m very aware of the irony in this, also goes back to my general belief that a lot of people really want to seem smart and they think this involves uncovering conspiracies, or focusing on ‘insidious’ secret bigotry. Of course, this means that they outright ignore the stuff in front of their faces; it’s why people will talk about goblins and Ferengi but not actual antisemitism [sidebar: did you know the ‘The American people are not intellectual, to put it mildly’ line came from an interview in which someone claimed the Jewish people perpetuated a ‘counter-holocaust’ against Germany?], similar to how people will happily reblog posts about those White Bitch Karens and feel woke never caring that they were written by white men. When wokeness is a competition, you need to feel like you have extra insight when the uncomfortable fact is bigotry in all its forms is usually much more obvious and blatant and when you’re not the target and when the perpetuator is a creator you like, it takes some actual strength of character and effort not to look away, let alone to address it. It doesn’t take that strength of character and effort to regurgitate tired talking points in yet another flaccid call-out post.

[ameliarating]

I read through @pumpkinpaix‘s deeply thoughtful post about cultural appropriation and dismissal of Chinese cultural concerns (two related but distinct phenomena) in non-Chinese MDZS/CQL fan-spaces and should-be-obvious-but-painfully-is-not disclaimer: 

When it comes to these things, the voices that should be rising above the rest are the Chinese fans speaking out about what they’ve seen.

I’m only here because I feel I have what to say on this bit here: 

For context, we are referencing two connected instances: the conflict described in these two threads (here and here), and when @/jelenedra tweeted about giving Jewish practices to the Lans. Regarding the latter, we felt that it tread into the territory of cultural erasure, and that it came from a person who had already disrespected diaspora’s work and input.

Context

The Lans have their own religious and cultural practices, rooted both in the cultural history of China and the genre of xianxia. Superimposing a different religious practice onto the Lans amidst other researched, canonical or culturally accurate details felt as if something important of ours was being overwritten for another’s personal satisfaction. Because canon is so intrinsically tied to real cultural, historical, and religious practices, replacing those practices in a canon setting fic feels like erasure. While MDZS is a fantasy novel, the religious practices contained therein are not. This was uncomfortable for many of us, and we wanted to point it out and have it resolved amicably. We were hoping for a discussion or exchange as there are many parallels and points of relation between Chinese and Jewish cultures, but that did not turn out quite as expected.

What happened next felt like a long game of outrage telephone that resulted in a confusion of issues that deflected responsibility, distracted from the origin of the conflict, and swept our concern under the rug.

Specifically, we are concerned about how these two incidents are part of what we feel is a repeated, widespread pattern of the devaluing of Chinese fans’ work and concerns within this fandom. This recent round of discourse is just one of many instances where we have found ourselves in a position of feeling spoken over within a space that is nominally ours. Regardless of what the telephone game was actually about, the way it played out revealed something about how issues are prioritized.

(Big surprise, I’m going to talk about Jewish things and MDZS)

I haven’t read the fic in question, but I have certainly made many posts about Jewishness and the Lans, imagining certain traditional Jewish educational settings and modes of learning and argumentation as superimposed onto the Cloud Recesses. I’ve also written other posts, mostly for me and the three other people out there who would find it funny, imagining different sects as different Jewish sects - or at least, who they have most in common with.

Never was I imagining these characters or worlds to be actually Jewish, but, as people often do in fandom, I was playing around in the spaces, delighting in overlaps I found, out of a deep-seated wish that I could have anything like MDZS or so many of the other fantasy I loved with Jews.

I’m jealous. I’m so jealous. 

Here’s how I was relating to it: 

China is a country of billions with an immense media audience of its own, its own television, movies, books, comics, etc. The only Jewish equivalent could ever be Israel, very tiny, and while there is a lot of good Israeli television, books, etc out there, it doesn’t approach what’s available from China, and certainly none of it has broken through to be a fandom presence of its own, not even in Jewish only or Hebrew speaking spaces. And even when that happens, the creators don’t often draw on Jewish history and myth. (One example I can think of a show that does is Juda, a Jewish vampire show from Israel, but I know exactly one (1) person on tumblr who’s seen it.)

So I was treating MDZS the way I treat American media - as a playground. Since I can’t find Jewish stories, especially in fantasy, I’m going to play around with it in non-Jewish stories.

Here’s how I should have been relating to it:

There are so many people who, like me, have been hungry to find themselves and their stories and their magic in fandom spaces. They have a show that’s made it big. Is it fair to, even playing around in tumblr posts, set so much of that rich cultural context aside in order for me to find room for my own? 

In the U.S., at least, where I am, it’s not the same as doing the same thing with, say, The Lord of the Rings (where I wrote a fic making use of Jewish mourning practices and assigned them to the Beorians) or Harry Potter, because that’s taking a dominant culture which is all I usually ever see and make room for myself. 

In MDZS, especially in the English language fandom where the Chinese cultural context is never dominant and is often shouted over and overlooked, and where there just aren’t many other examples of media that made it big in the fandom, I am only making room for myself by shoving aside something else that barely has any room at all.

In many ways, I became the fan that frustrates me, that writes about Jewish characters celebrating Christmas, rather than the fan that I wanted to be, which gets excited about cultural overlap and similarities. I’m sorry and I apologize.

My first reaction was not to. My first reaction was to say it’s not the same. Because it isn’t the same. It’s never the same when minorities do things to each other. But even if that’s less destructive, in some ways it’s more painful, because that’s where we should be able to look to each other for solidarity. (Obviously this is in English language fandom - Chinese fans are not a minority in Chinese language fandoms!)

I do believe that there should be room to make silly posts about the Lans doing things that Jews do, because the Lans do do things that Jews do. When I made an edit where Lan Wangji was responding to Lan Qiren quoting in Hebrew from the Jewish prayerbook rather than the sect rule to distance from evil, I did that because he was saying the exact same thing. It was wonderful to me, that a Lan sect rule could be exactly the same as something I pray every morning.

That’s very different from when I wrote imagining the Lans as Jews which left no more room for the Lans as Chinese Buddhists. It’s those later things I apologize for and what I’ll be careful about in the future.

I do still want to return to something I said just above, however: “Because it isn’t the same. It’s never the same when minorities do things to each other.”

I worry, as I wrote in a separate post, about the tendency I see in anti-colonial, anti-imperialist spaces to look at Jewish practices and laws and culture and see it as an example of Western hegemony rather than as a survivor of it. Especially in a post that talks about the Chinese diaspora experience, where the very word diaspora was coined to describe the Jewish scattering across the globe and only much later was used for other cultures and peoples.

I don’t object to its now much more universal use as a word. It’s useful and it’s powerful and I believe it can be used to build solidarity. I do ask for, however, recognition that while Jews, especially in the West, might reproduce Western hegemony and use it against others, our own ethno-religious experiences bubbling up is not one of those reproductions.

In other words, when we erase, accidentally or purposefully, the Chinese cultural and religious contexts of characters in MDZS/CQL in our rush to write in Jewish cultural and religious contexts, we are doing harm as ourselves, not as representatives of Western/European/Christian hegemony. And in fact, what inspired us to write in our own contexts is that there are certain things (deference to elders, life carefully regulated by a series of laws about everything from interpersonal-ethical behavior to food habits to modes of speech, cultural horror regarding desecration of the dead, etc) we find in these stories that we don’t find in many Western stories that resonate with our own cultural background.

Which is not to erase the harm itself. I am sorry for it and I will do my best going forward to write about overlaps without erasing or replacing what is already there from the beginning and should remain so.

[couslandofhighever]

Elf (/Mage) hyperidentification

I'm back to trying to play Dragon Age 2 after having quit last year when things got difficult in my personal life, making it hard for me to find time and space and to do so. And once again I am thinking about something that I have found hard to articulate but finally think I have found the words to express. CW: discussion of fictional racism, #discourse

So, I know some people go bananas about elves across all fantasy genres. They identify with them in the way that a person might identify with werewolves or vampires or other humanoid but not-quite-human creature that one might wish to be. Elves have an association with magic and often with nature. They are unusual-looking, but among fantasy creatures/races, they are often the closest to human standards of beauty. Liking elves can have a lot of different meanings. Some elves are small and basically the lithe and magical counterpart to more muscular and practical dwarves. However, just as with the trend of sexier or more elegant vampires, most elves in fantasy tend to be on the tall and elegant, LOTR side of things. On the other hand, I know people who resent elves for some of the same reasons. Specifically, the fact that they are the "pretty" fantasy creature in such a way that it tends to be juxtaposed to a lot of the other choices. Basically, I know people (at least one personally) who sort of has a little bit of a prejudiced view of elves and their fans from a defensive position of... like... not wanting to need to be the "pretty one" or whatever. I tend to lean slightly more toward the second viewpoint these days, but I sympathize with both, and I don't think Liking Elves in general is bad. And neither do I think liking Dragon Age elves is bad. Let me be clear about that. But I think I got to the root of something that bothers me about the ~fandom~-within-a-fandom that is focused entirely upon the ~Elvhen~ or whatever. Let me also say that, as a fan, I am a mostly-cis-gendered white woman, and I am bi. I understand that part of my identity is marginalized while another, significant part of it, is very much not. I feel this is important to say because I want to acknowledge that I think some of what I am about to say and kind of complain about may come from a place of people seeing themselves reflected in the Elvhen. Dragon Age elves draw loosely from several real world cultures including Native Americans/First Peoples and medieval European Jewish and Romani populations. I get that, and I acknowledge it, and if you are related to one of these real world demographics, please know that my whining is in absolutely no way directed at you. You have a hard enough time finding direct representation in media, so if you hyper-identify with Dragon Age elves for this reason, then I am glad you have the outlet. That said, I don't think that anywhere close to a majority of this "Elvhen First" branch of fandom within Dragon Age fandom is made up of anyone covered in my previous paragraph. I could be wrong, and if I am I preemptively apologize. But basically, the thing I am complaining about is when a Dragon Age fan latches onto the Elvhen plight, struggle, culture, history, etc., that they start relating it as a 1-to-1 correlation with real world, modern day struggles faced by real marginalized people. Furthermore, even if they aren't currently talking about it like it is a 1-to-1 correlation, even in Escapism Land, I have sometimes encountered this tendency for people to basically merge their Dragon Age Fan identity with being their Elvhen characters so much that it's almost... inseparable from their appreciation for or criticism of the Dragon Age universe as a product or work of art? And I think that, sometimes, it comes across to me as, like... cosplaying being an oppressed, marginalized minority for... emotional catharsis? Or to feel that one is on the right side of Thedas history? Something like that. And that makes me really uncomfortable from the perspective of a white person who isn't, to my knowledge, related to any of the real world inspiration sources for some of the stuff the elves have been through. I just... don't think that - if you are not uniquely positioned to personally understand some of the inspiration material and rarely see it acknowledged, etc. - a fan should basically jump into the role of an elf on all DA-related thought and arguments to the point that it almost becomes a felt... aggression if someone doesn't agree with the elves of Dragon Age all the time. Actually, the exact same thing can be said about the plight of Dragon Age mages. I think I find it uniquely uncomfortable as a definitely not-racial-minority fan to see other fans who might be in similar situations to me deciding to perform racial activism on behalf of elves on a computer screen from the perspective as if they were said oppressed fantasy race. Magi and superpowers being used as a metaphor for sexual identity is not new (X-Men is a common example), so I guess I find it less egregious as an exercise in empathy that perhaps goes too far into other people's experience of escapism. It doesn't seem like cosplaying something that might be offensive if you as any kind of marginalized person identify with the plight of mages as presented in Dragon Age. But it's still a problem if your emotional relationship to an escapism world means that you find other people having a different opinion than you about some social issue in Thedas to be... Idk... objectively evil. Tl;dr: Identify with elves or mages all you want but don't cosplay oppression when you could be doing better things with your energy, maybe.

[cosplayswitzerlandaskblog]

Unlike last time Hetalia got a new season, the response has not been particularly positive, and I’m seeing a lot of twisted feelings towards the show and the fandom to a point where it seems long time content creators are stepping away from it. I know anyone still active who follows me either are or were fans of Hetalia, so it should be relevant for all y’all.

As a fan who never fell out of the show, I find the response sad though healthy, and even if I know I ghosted you all on tumblr (sorry) because of time constraints and mental health, I still make the occasional CMVs. Fact is, I do not let go of special interests very easily. It seems a lot of you all started watching the show at 10-14 years old, where I myself was a bit older – 17 – and had grown a bit more. Long story short, my Naruto phase was your Hetalia phase, and no, it’s not pretty. You’re young and stupid and don’t know much critical thinking and make mistakes, and you have to forgive yourself for those mistakes, especially when the content you consume is associated with the real world in a sensitive subject.

But after seeing all these posts explaining all the bad we see from Hetalia, I wanted to make a post explaining what I learned from it – all the good that can come with a show like this if you stay aware of perspective. I am not excusing all the bad that came with it, for WWII is a serious event in history that should never be forgotten nor made fun of, but here goes:

I went from a ‘war-is-cool’ history buff to one who truly delved in and learned the intricacies of history, being fascinated with the ���hows’ and the ‘whys’ as well as getting an excuse to look at the histories of nations which I’d never otherwise be interested in, and I know a lot of other people in the fandom did the same. This is how history should be known, as that is how we can truly apply it to the real world.

I learned to separate people from their countries. To give an example that’ll hit close to much of tumblr, when I started Hetalia I hated Americans with a passion because of the road “you” had put the world on, and I considered all y’all dumb and bad as a cause of it. Getting that excuse to take an ACTUAL look at how your nation functioned and what communities truly hid behind the borders, I learned instead that your government is corrupt as shit, your society is rigged against you and you have been forced to stand by and watch as chaos happens. It got applied to the world as a whole, where I considered other nations being as dynamic as my own, with people both good and bad, and the actions of the nation is even less of a reflection of the people in the cases of corrupt democracies or dictatorships.

I separated from Colonial world views. I was never actively racist, brought up in a proper home, and already before Hetalia I fiercely protected the rights of Muslims who are often mistreated in my nation and tried to hear them out when possible. But I was a Westerner, and even if the nation I came from had barely participated in invasions, I had learned to consider my culture ‘correct’ and native and African cultures ‘primitive’. While the journey was long, a step wise process of realizing things like there was nothing inherently ethically wrong eating dogs or partially incubated duck eggs, only in how the animals were acquired, that cultural progress is heavily dependent on perspective and that fucking genocide of native peoples still happen in this damn century, Hetalia was the stepping stone which gave me the interest in other nations to expand my world view. I probably ain’t done here – I have a whole life of outside influences to unlearn – but I’m further than most people I know in my near surroundings, and I’ve even managed to move my parents who originally taught me to respect people of all kinds in the first place.

I learned Nazis were people. This is a conversation which often comes up here on tumblr, and the demonization Nazi Germany and its government directly allows actual Nazis and fascists like Richard Spencer a free pass because they look groomed and proper. Until then, I’d simply assumed no one was ‘stupid enough to be a Nazi’ because of the atrocities of WWII and therefore looked at the world naively. Realizing how little true support Nazis had during WWII and similarly anyone could end down that pungent rabbit hole, I became careful of what I excused on social media and allowed myself to doubt seemingly normal people if their behaviour was alarming – such as the police man who is supposed to be a damn ‘hero’ of society.

I learned how to deal with material sensitive to others. A common problem in the fandom has always been the cosplaying and portrayal of Nazis, especially at cons and the like, and in a similar vein – I did blackface once because of Hetalia. The horrible thing about this is that blackface is immensely common in Europe – at least my own country – and blackface frequently happens at schools during ‘international’ events, where whole classrooms are assigned to portray a designated country. A whole of two times – in 6th grade as well as 2nd grade of high school – I was exposed to blackface as my class was given an African nation to portray – Somalia the first time, Kenya the second. No one, adult, teen or child, are aware of the history of race imitation in my country, but by the second time I was supposed to participate in dressing up as an African tribe, I’d understood the issue – thanks to Hetalia. My friend group of white, privileged, European teens discussed what symbolism was appropriate at cons or in videos – could we wear the Iron Cross? The Nazi flag? What if we burned it during the video? These thoughts are not usually a part of the mind of European youth, and I consider that a grave problem which leads to people making fun of ‘triggers’, downplaying racial issues and the like.

It offered me a means to make history personal. The biggest struggle for good history teachers and the reason we are often made to read and write letters from the periods we study is to make it seem real and get a emotional connection to these past, lost peoples. Hetalia offered puppets for me to place into historical contexts to make them truly real – the main driver pushing me away from mere fascination of war, since I suddenly felt the horrors of warfare through the characters that I loved. Things like Elizabeth I’s court, the conquests of Rome, the dissolution of the Kalmar Union, the battlefield of Somme, the invasion of America, damn slavery becomes different when something you already know is a part of it and you can see them in there. Hearing of people of the past should in itself be enough, and for the closest parts of history (WWII and afterwards) it always was for me, but we are human. We cannot understand the size of a billion, and we struggle understanding the lives of those living centuries before us, unless we are offered context.

I’m not blind to the issues of the fandom or the show. I was here for ‘the r*pist, the pervert and the p*dophile’, I know of South Korean and Chinese issues with the show, and I heard the gassing joke in the show’s dub and got nauseous from discomfort and anger. I’ve always been in the fringe of the fandom due to my social disabilities, so I don’t know everything that happened, but I’ve seen many racist OCs and disrespecting of historical sites. It’s not pretty, but I will believe these people, who were likely young, likely learned in time. And I may have been able to learn these things by other means, but not in the same way, and not through personal interest and research that’s helped me become sceptical and analysing of the world around me.

At its core, Hetalia is about watching a normal, nerdy guy learn how to draw, using stereotypic country personifications mainly from the perspective of Japan. It’s natural he chooses Japan, since he’s Japanese, and WWII is unfortunately the automatic historical event for most common people to focus on – but Hetalia doesn’t even solely focus on that, but is an amalgamation of vaguely correct historical situations played out by the characters, and often it is with the intent of comedy rather than the grimness often associated with historical settings which allows a wider audience than merely history nerds.

What I want you all to do is learn from your mistakes and forgive your younger selves for not knowing better. Maybe reflect on what you got from the show, rather than what you lost. A new generation of young Hetalians is likely coming with the new season, and us old timers might be able to help them avoid pitfalls if we stay around to teach them. The best of the show is compassion towards the people of the world combined and love of history, as I believe Hima wanted it – the worst is Nazi apologetics and racial stereotyping. We decide in what direction we take it, and what lessons we bring into the future.

TL;DR: As a lot of media intended for older audiences, Hetalia is a show which has to be watched critically, which makes it dangerous for young people to watch unhinged, but it also opens up for interest in the world beyond the borders you live within. We should be aware of the issues and learn from them, but in and of itself the show has a lot of good to offer in learning compassion for other nations and cultural groups.

[thisiskatsblog]

By Larrie I meant do you still believe Harry and Louis are together?

See, for me “identifying as a Larrie” and “believing Louis and Harry are together” are two very different things. The curiosity about whether Louis and Harry were together are what brought me here all these years ago, and even if, back then, I drew the conclusion from what I could see that something must be going on behind closed doors, I didn’t identify as a Larry (which is what it was called then) and I’m rather having more than less trouble with that so many years later. 

“Believing Louis and Harry are together” is, to me, is on the level of epistemology: what we think we can know, what we believe to be true and how we justify that. And on that level, I have often said that, all things considered, I was convinced that Louis and Harry were a couple. I haven’t followed anything closely for quite some time, so I don’t know if I’d still say that, but I haven’t heard or seen anything to the contrary - and there was the giant H on Louis’ t shirt at his livestream which is the only thing I’ve seen recently, so I might lean towards yes, they could very well still be together. 

“Being a Larrie”, in my view, is on the level of identity politics, and I have a problem with that, in general, but particularly in the context of this fandom.

 There’s this great book by the French-Lebanese writer Amin Maalouf, about “circles of identity”, where he describes that we all have multiple identities,  and it depends on the context which “circle of identity” is activated - and these circles can be concentric or intersect, and when they do, it can be very confronting when others deny that those circles could intersect and say it’s either/or.

For example - while living in the US, I really felt my “European” identity being activated, I looked and behaved so differently from Americans, I felt I stood out, and I would have introduced myself as from Europe, before I’d explain I’m from Belgium. Meeting other Europeans there, however, it’d be the first thing I said that I was Belgian. Also, religion was so important in the US, that I’d suddenly have to think about whether to explain that I was raised catholic, but Europe is pretty secular, and in fact I was more of an agnostic and/or atheist - things that in secular Europe really didn’t matter one bit, so the US really activated the religious identity circle and I suddenly had to decide in which circle I stood.  

But then back home, when Brexit happened a few years ago, I felt strongly confronted with my 1/8 British roots and really felt “cut off”, and unwelcome - I think that was the first time I felt how painful it can be to have roots in “different cultures” - until then I had felt pretty “whole” and all of the sudden there was this internal conflict between allegiances. 

Anyway, you get the picture. And applying this to the fandom, I do not want to identify as “a Larrie” in most contexts, because it cuts me off from so many people in this fandom that are important to me. I have a friend who means a lot to me who only still follows Harry, and one of my favourite people in this fandom  - I wouldn’t call her a Louie, I don’t know if she calls herself that, but she’s close  with some Louies, and she’ll explain me “Louie” theories, I see some of her points, others not, and we discuss this rationally, sometimes agreeing to disagree - and she is very important to me. We go way back, we are both LGBTQ+, we have both defended Rainbow Direction with our lives. I do not want to activate a circle that cuts her off from me. So I wouldn’t spontaneously call myself “a Larrie” I don’t think - not even after all these years.

Except in a context, for example - and this has unfortunately happened too often before - where people are under attack from the press for example, for expressing their belief that Louis and Harry are LGBTQ+ and are/were a couple - particularly when such an attack is mainly founded on the easy “Larries are conspiracy theory believers” type arguments, and the person attacking them is (as usual) completely tone deaf to the fact that many people who identify as Larries are in fact LGBTQ+ and probably better able than they are to pick up on the LGBTQ+ subtext of what Louis and Harry do and say. 

I am an LGBTQ+ fan of Louis and Harry and I think they may still be together - though I’m framing this with disclaimers cause haven’t followed very closely lately, and I’ll defend LGBTQ+ people in this fandom who stand up for their beliefs against heteronormative blindness

But I think the Larries/antis and Larries/Louis/Harries debates in this fandom define circles that are considered as not intersecting, where it’s either/or, you are one or the other, and that cuts me off from people who are important to me 

So I say no, because  I won’t be cut off from LGBTQ+ friends in this fandom simply because they have come to a different conclusion or have different tastes in music or have a different favourite. In this fandom, I prefer to activate the “OT5″ and “LGBTQ+” circles of identity.

[meteora-writes]

We Could Be Perfect One Last Night ch.6

Fandom: Hannibal Pairing: Hannibal Lecter x Will Graham Warnings: Mild Angst, Silly Accents, Snark, Original Characters, More Snark Chapter: 6. We’re Not Celebrities Description: Six days after they arrive at the cabin Hannibal takes a trip to gather more supplies and reaches out to Chiyoh for assistance. Authors Notes: So I was going to add a scene with Jack in this chapter, but it was running long and I scrapped it for now. Hope you all enjoy. Read on AO3

~~~~~ Read Ch.1 ~ Ch.2 ~ Ch.3 ~ Ch.4 ~ Ch.5~~~~~

“You’re sure you want to go alone?” Will asks for the third time since Hannibal announced he would be taking the motorcycle and heading into town to purchase a disposable phone at one of the mini-marts they passed on the way to the cabin six days prior.

After two days of snow and another four days of low temperatures, the weather had finally warmed enough to melt away the majority of the snow and ice that covered the dirt road that connects the cabin back to the highway. It’s a three-mile stretch. And another four to the closest shop. So they’ve had to wait for the weather to be on their side before either of them could attempt to go anywhere.

“Will, you know as well as I that the authorities are likely looking for us. If only one of us goes out at a time we are far less likely to be noticed. I should only be gone a half-hour at most.” Hannibal looks a touch amused by Will’s worries as he buttons the cuffs of his leather jacket. There’s a hint of mirthfulness in his eyes that’s hard to miss.

“Maybe I should go instead. You do have a fairly distinct accent. If you speak around the wrong people they could call the police,” Will finds himself suggesting. In truth, he doesn’t want either of them to go. But they’re running low on food and they need a phone to reach out to Chiyoh sooner than later.

Hannibal chuckles and shakes his head as he finishes buttoning his cuffs and quickly zips his jacket. “I am perfectly capable of concealing my accent when the situation calls for it,” he informs Will in an almost perfect British accent. “Or would you prefer I try to sound more like you, perhaps?” he tries in a more Americanized pronunciation. It doesn’t quite work, though. One would almost think it was a New England accent, except the vowels still sounding too European in pronunciation.

Will can’t help himself when Hannibal tries to imitate an American accent, the urge to mess with the other man is just too strong to resist. “Not bad, cher. Sept I don’t tink you got dem vowels quite right. Might get people askin’ who dat if you not careful now.” The slightly over-exaggerated thick Cajun accent gets a look of clear surprise from Hannibal that has Will trying hard not to bust out laughing by the time he finishes speaking the words. “Mo chagren,” he adds with a grin that pulls painfully at the stitches in his cheek before going on. “I’m from Louisiana. I speak as clear and concisely as I do exactly because I knew no one would take me seriously if I spoke in that dialect or even just that accent this far east.”

“Shame. I would love to hear you speak French more often,” Hannibal laments with a small smile that’s all teasing. It earns him a hint of pink in Will’s cheeks that only makes his smile grow.

“Unfortunately my French is abysmal at best,” Will informs him before clearing his throat a bit awkwardly. “We only ever spoke it when visiting my grandparents and cousins for the holidays, and that was over twenty years ago,” Will adds with a shake of his head as he avoids looking Hannibal in the eyes. “Just, be careful. Okay?”

“Of course.” Is all Hannibal says in return before he heads out the door.

Will watches him take off, not looking away until the motorcycle is out of sight. He knows Hannibal going on this run is necessary. That they need food and that phone. But that doesn’t change the anxiety he feels at Hannibal going without him.

They’re both recovering slowly. Hannibal still can’t stand for too long, but he can do so for long enough that this run shouldn’t be a problem. Part of Will worries it’ll be too much, but he trusts Hannibal to know his own limits. As for Will, he still can’t get up from a horizontal or even a sitting position without his head feeling like it’s going to explode, which is apparently common for skull fractures. He’ll take that over the irritating feel of stitches in his mouth any day.

The only thing that’s helped him stay sane, aside from talking with Hannibal about nothing important, is the tackle box of fishing supplies he found in the rafters on the second day of the storm. There were enough supplies inside for him to make a dozen lures with plenty of odds and ends to spare. He would have made more, but without his glasses or a magnifying glass to help him work on the smaller details, he’s been working at a snail’s pace.

He eyes the lures where they rest on the wooden table in the center of the room. Hannibal had taken to watching him work from the couch more often than not, usually with that notebook in his lap as he continued to sketch. Will didn’t ask what he was sketching after the first day. He figures it’s a toss-up between Will being his continued subject, or he’s drawing places he’s been or other people he’s seen.

The notebook rests beside the tackle box. It’s open. Page showing a half-drawn landscape that Will doesn’t recognize. Curiosity gets the better of him after a moment and he picks the book up to get a closer look.

It’s a meadow by a stream. Dozens of tiny flowers stretching out over the page until they meet a rocky riverbed. The rocks and pebbles have the most detail so far. The flowers only faint outlines. The detail of the river is what really surprises Will. It has shading to it that in the right light makes it look like the water is moving.

After a moment, he flips the page back, wondering what else Hannibal could have been drawing these past few days.

Sure enough, there are a few sketches of Will in with various cities and landscapes. Not all are finished, like his inspiration shifted mid drawing and he had to move on to something else until later.

The drawing Hannibal made their first night in the cabin has Will sitting down and studying it in awe. It’s the most detailed of the ones in the book. Capturing even the smallest details of the setting. The wrinkles in the shirt Will wore that was too big for him. The bit of torn leather on the back of the couch he had been tugging at mindlessly. The shadows cast by the firelight to his back. Even the faint bruises and scrapes on his hands and arms are there.

Despite it being a portrait of himself, Will feels like he’s invading Hannibal’s privacy looking at it like this. He flips the book closed and sets it down beside the tackle box once more before running his hands through his shaggy brown curls. He suddenly feels like the cabin is too small. Like he needs to get out.

He throws on his boots and jacket quickly, not bothering with gloves or any other layers to help him keep warm in his rush to just get up and go.

It’s early afternoon. Sun warm in the sky above. But it’s still only in the forties out and there’s a bit of a breeze that makes it feel just as cold as it actually is. Will feels like the wind cuts right through him the minute he steps out into it. It’s a welcome sensation. Letting him draw a deep breath in through his nose that fills his lungs and calms his nerves.

There’s a shed behind the cabin. Hannibal had moved the motorcycle in there before the storm hit. Will hasn’t taken a look inside before now and he’s a bit disappointed by its contents. There isn’t much to be found. Some old tools, metal buckets, a large hatchet, and a rusty jerry can.

Eyeing the hatchet a moment, Will grabs it and turns to the stack of wood beside the house. It’s mostly down to larger pieces. Ones that need splitting. Hannibal had said they would be fine for a while with what was already broken down. But Will doubts it, eyeing the pile now for himself.

It’s stupid, he knows it is. But he needs to do something with himself. So, he grabs a piece of wood, gets it set out on a nearby stump that’s clearly where the previous occupants of the cabin cut wood before, and swings.

His shoulder protests the action. Arm twitching at the use of muscles and tendons that aren’t ready for this kind of movement. The pain it causes is grounding, though. So, he shakes the ax free from where it stuck in the wood, fixes it’s position on the stump, and swings again. This time cutting the wood clean through the center. The pieces fall to either side of the stump, clattering on the frozen ground.

“Still got it…” Will mutters to himself before he picks the pieces up and tosses them onto the short end of the pile beside the house. Hannibal will likely give him hell for this when he returns. But that’s a problem for later. He sets up the next piece of wood with a small smile to himself and gets ready for a workout.

~~~~~

The mini-mart is busy when Hannibal pulls up and parks on the far side of the lot. It’s a relief. Busy shops mean less likelihood of being noticed unless you act out of the ordinary. One of the things he prides himself on is his ability to act normal even in the most unusual of circumstances.

There are a few old bikers in the lot. Talking outside the front door as they smoke cigarettes and stand around their bikes. One spot Hannibal as he sets his helmet on the handlebars of his bike and grins.

“Nice ride,” the older man calls out as he nods to the motorcycle beside Hannibal.

“Thanks,” Hannibal calls back, taking care with how he pronounces the word to make it sound more Americanized. “Nice jacket,” he adds when he notices the various patches on the jacket denoting the man as being part of a group that he’s read about in news articles that helps protect children that were victims of abuse. He may find the culture to be crude, but what they do with their time is admirable.

The biker grins at the compliment, sporting a few missing and broken teeth that look like the guy might have lost in an accident at some point. Other than that they don’t say anything and neither does his buddies as Hannibal walks past.

The shop is a decent size on the inside. Sporting a liquor section and impressive deli and fresh food area. It’s almost all junk. But it has vegetables and fruit, of which Hannibal is grateful. He grabs a basket and makes a b-line for the small aisle with the disposable phones and other odds and ends first.

He scans over the tops of the shelves as he walks, observing his surroundings and the other patrons as he starts filling the basket with goods. There are three cashiers working. Half a dozen other customers milling about, two more talking by the soda fountain in the back of the deli area, and another three at the registers buying whatever it is they came to buy.

Nobody pays anybody else any mind. Even the workers seem disinterested in everyone else. It’s reassuring. As is the fact that he only sees a single security camera and it’s pointed at the registers. He can easily stand so that his face isn’t in view and just make it look like he’s simply distracted.

There’s a stack of newspapers by the case the freshly made sandwiches are kept in, and Hannibal grabs one of each along with a few days worth of fruit and sandwiches. He’s already grabbed them some more drinks, not trusting the water from the well and not wanting to have to boil it every time they need some. And much as he dislikes it, he also grabbed some more cans of soup.

Thankfully, though, this shop also had a dairy case with eggs and breakfast meats inside, which means he can cook a real meal for a change. In the end, he has much more than he intended to buy. But he wants to be able to make at least a few meals that aren’t made from cans and boxes or were pre-made by someone in a hairnet.

“Feeding an army?” the cashier asks as she begins to ring up and bag everything. She’s in her late teens, clearly bored and not even really paying attention as she works. For a second it strikes Hannibal how much she looks like Abigail and he has to shake the thought off before he can say anything.

“Lost power in that storm. Need some things to hold us over until they get it up and running again,” Hannibal explains in as dismissive a tone as possible while maintaining the accent he’s going for.

“You must live pretty far out if you don’t have power back yet,” she notes, still not really paying him any mind.

That makes Hannibal huff a laugh and he almost turns to face her fully but stops himself so his face isn’t in view of the camera. He doesn’t answer her, and the girl doesn’t say anything else until everything is run up and bagged.

He pays her and hooks the various plastic bags over his arms before heading back outside.

The bikers are still standing around chatting, several looking over to give him a nod of approval for his choice of a ride once more as he heads to his bike and gets ready to leave.

The ride back is faster than his ride out. Anxious to get back to Will and to take a look at the papers he picked up. He also grabbed the more expensive disposable phone the shop had on the shelf. It’s a smartphone with internet capabilities. One he hopes will still have a decent connection this far from town. He would very much like to see what Freddie Lounds has written about himself and Will at this point.

The sight he arrived back to is an unexpected one.

Will is outside. Jacket off and sleeves of his dark red flannel shirt rolled up his forearms as he chops wood beside the cabin. He’s been at it for a while. Damp curls sticking to his forehead with sweat. He doesn’t pause in his work even as Hannibal pulls up a few feet away and parks the bike.

“You’ll tear your stitches,” Hannibal chides gently as he removes his helmet and studies Will with a tilt of his head.

“My stitches are fine,” Will huffs out as he swings the ax once more. He cuts clean through the log in one swing. His face is a mask of focus as he grabs the next piece and prepares to swing again like he isn’t recovering from multiple stab wounds and likely in a great deal of pain.

“Feeling a bit of cabin fever?” The question makes Will stop and tip his head back as if to look to the heavens and ask why he’s chosen to be with this man.

“I just needed some air,” Will explains with a shake of his head before laying the hatchet beside the tree stump he’s been using as a chopping block. “I take it your shopping trip went well?”

Hannibal nods as he finally climbs off the bike and grabs the plastic bags from where he had slung them over the handlebars. “It did,” he agrees as he holds a bag out of Will to carry. He takes it readily and follows Hannibal inside the cabin a moment later.

“Did you buy every paper in the store?” Will asks as he looks inside the bag. There are four different major newspapers, three local printings by smaller companies, and a single tabloid tucked under the cellphone and international phone card Hannibal had grabbed.

“I was curious to see what has been going on for the past several days,” Hannibal notes as he sets the two bags containing groceries on the small sideboard by the stove. “And I thought the reading material might be appreciated.”

Will snorts a laugh at that but says nothing as he steps up beside Hannibal, shooing him away to sit while Will puts things away.

Part of him wants to protest and assist in putting away their things, but he already feels his energy leaving him, so Hannibal goes and hangs up his jacket before taking his usual seat at the table. The bag with the phone and papers sits on the floor next to his chair, and he picks it up, pulling the phone from inside to begin removing it from its packaging.

“Is there anything in particular that I should ask Chiyoh to acquire for you while she’s making preparations for us?” Hannibal asks once he has the phone powered on and is waiting for the activation signal to go through.

Will glances over his shoulder at Hannibal from his place kneeling in front of the mini-fridge. “A pair of glasses? It’s going to be hard to read navigation charts without them,” It’s a minor inconvenience, but still one he would rather not deal with. He gets a migraine if he tries to read for too long without his glasses. He’s already got a near-constant one thanks to the fracture in his skull from being stabbed.

Humming his understanding, Hannibal looks back to the phone in his hands. He was never a fan of mobile phones. Too easy to track a person by or interrupt one's plans. At the moment, however, he sees it as a necessity they have to hold onto, at least if he’s able to contact Chiyoh.

The number he calls once the phone is activated is one he’s had memorized for ages. It goes to a small shop in England that an old family friend of his aunt owns. It’s run by her granddaughter now. She’s well aware of who Hannibal is and what he’s done. She only owns the shop now because of an unfortunate incident with her grandfather some ten years ago that left him comatose and her and her grandmother free of his abuse for the first time in their lives.

“Lorelai’s Sweets, how can I help you?” A familiar, warm alto voice answers after two rings.

“Hello, Lori,” he greets back, his own tone just as warm. She was always a kind girl and it seems that hasn’t changed in the years since he saw her last.

Will pauses in his putting away of their supplies to look over at Hannibal as he speaks on the phone. Clearly a bit confused by Hannibal greeting someone that isn’t Chiyoh.

“Hanni! Oh, thank goodness you’re alive! They said on the news that you and that former special agent friend of yours had drowned after escaping and killing the Red Dragon!” The relief in her voice is oddly comforting. “Are you alright? What can I do for you, love?”

A small smile tugs at his lips over her concern. “A bit inconvenienced, but otherwise alright, thank you for asking. I’m calling because I need to reach Chiyoh, have the two of you stayed in contact?”

“Chiyoh? Oh, yes! She started coming round to visit just after you turned yourself in to the authorities. She was here for one of her visits just last week, in fact. Left the day you escaped. I believe she’s in Maryland right now,” Lori explains as she shuffles about the shop, no doubt in the process of closing for the evening since there is a five hour time difference between the east coast and London.

“Wonderful. I suspect I know where she is, then. Thank you for your help, Lori. I’ll call again if I require any further assistance in locating her.” He doesn’t think that will be necessary, though. If Chiyoh is in Maryland waiting to hear from him, she’s likely in the small house he set up in her name by Snow Hill. It’s over two hours drive from where they are now. Neither he nor Will is up for that in their current condition, so he’ll have to hope she answers.

“You’re welcome, Hannibal. And please, give me a call to let me know how you’re doing once in a while, would you?”

“I will. Thank you again for your help, Lori. Goodbye.” She says her goodbyes in return and with that, they both hang up.

Will is watching him when Hannibal turns his head, and Hannibal raises an eyebrow in question as he dials the number to where he believes Chiyoh to be located. The line rings once then goes to an automated voicemail box. “Hello, Chiyoh. Please call me when you receive this message.” he doesn’t leave the number because he knows she has callerID setup and the cheap mobile phone isn’t a private number.

“That’s it?” Will asks once Hannibal has hung up and set the phone down on the table.

“That’s it,” Hannibal reiterates before reaching for the first of the papers he had purchased. “We made international news, it would seem. It was reported that we drown together after killing our Dragon,” he informs Will as he unfolds the paper and skims the headlines.

“Seriously? Somebody higher up in the FBI had to have made that call. There’s no way that Jack would declare us dead without physical evidence,” Will balks as he closes the mini-fridge and moves to join Hannibal at the table. He ends up grabbing one of the other papers and starting to skim for any articles about the two of them as Hannibal starts reading his own paper from the beginning.

“Perhaps. Or perhaps they declared us dead in the hopes we would become careless and slip up in the belief that they are no longer looking for us.” He doesn’t honestly believe that. But it wouldn’t surprise him if somebody other than Jack was pulling the strings in the hopes that would be the case. “Either way it seems a bit foolish on their part.”

By the time Will has checked the last paper, Hannibal has finished reading the first one in its entirety. He quirks a brow at Will upon seeing the papers strewn haphazardly across the table.

“All these papers and there were only two articles about us,” Will notes as he folds one paper over to show a small article about how the search for their bodies is to be called off if they aren’t found the following day. The other article being in the paper Hannibal read, which was more substantial. Talking about the Chesapeake Ripper and former professor from the FBI academy at Quantico who took on the Red Dragon and lost their lives in the process of ending his murder spree.

“We’re not celebrities, Will. We spark and fade into obscurity, just as everyone else does,” Hannibal says as he folds his paper and sets it atop the messy pile Will has made of the others.

“That’s not as comforting as you think,” Will says with a sigh as he slouches in his chair a bit. His gaze drifts over to the fireplace, which needs lighting soon. The sun is starting to set and the cabin is growing colder.

“Operating under the assumption that neither of us survived so soon after our fall would imply that they found some kind of evidence to suggest as much,” Hannibal suggests as he watches Will get up and move to get a fire going.

Will pauses in front of the fireplace, hand hovering over a piece of wood as his brow furrows. He lets his hand drop to his side and closes his eyes in a way that Hannibal hasn’t seen in years but recognizes immediately. He’s recreating the scene in his mind. Using his memories of the night to reconstruct the scene.

“The camera,” Will eventually says. “It fell over sometime after he attacked me and left you alone inside the house. It was on the floor facing outside when we were fighting Dolarhyde. It likely caught most, if not all, of the fight. That combined with the sheer amount of blood we both lost at the scene and the bloody footprints we left leading up to the edge showing we fell from the bluffs would give enough evidence to suggest we didn’t survive.” His eyes are closed the entire time he speaks, head tilting and brow furrowing further as he relives the event in his mind. Blood spraying behind his eyelids as they move in almost a dance with the other man before it ends in his death.

“I knocked the camera over while getting to my feet,” Hannibal clarifies, causing Will to open his eyes and look over at him.

“You wanted it to record us,” Will realizes then, eyes going a bit narrow as he studies Hannibal. “You wanted there to be evidence of what happened with him.”

“How else would we prove you were defending yourself?” Hannibal counters easily. “I confess I had initially thought you would take out your gun and shoot him when given the opportunity. Play the part of the special agent doing his duty to stop a madman.”

Will snorts indignantly at that and turns his attention back to getting a fire started. “After everything we’ve been through, you really thought that was what I would do?”

“Three years is a long time to be apart from someone, Will. People change. You’ve changed, in some ways. I hold no illusions of knowing who you are anymore,” Hannibal says almost softly as he reaches out and grabs his notebook and pencil. He flips the book open to the half-finished meadow, eyes roaming over it a moment before he starts working on the flowers.

Will’s shoulders visibly sag as he lets his head drop forward. His eyes closing as he takes a deep breath. “I’m exactly who I’ve always been, Hannibal. Who you helped me to become. The only difference is that now...Now I’ve stopped fighting my true nature.”

When Hannibal looks over, Will is looking back. Blue eyes locking with amber brown in the faint light of the newly lit fire. “And that nature would be?”

To his credit, Will looks only momentarily annoyed by the question. “The nature that drives me to gut a man with his own knife rather than shoot him like any ordinary ex-cop with a firearm on him would have.”

Hannibal can’t help the genuine smile that breaks out at Will’s choice of words. “Do you regret your actions that night?”

“No.” Will doesn’t hesitate in answering. “I don’t regret anything about that night,” he adds before turning his gaze back to the fire.

Hannibal almost doesn’t believe that. Almost. The look in Will’s eyes as he turns away is clear. He doesn’t regret that night. He might be struggling with leaving the life he had and the family he built. But he doesn’t regret letting himself be who he really is for once. It leaves Hannibal feeling reassured. Content even. Knowing that Will isn’t running away from this. From him.

They’re finally beginning to see one another as Hannibal had once hoped they always would. As equals who share an understanding of one another and a taste for the beauty of blood and the suffering of those who are less than they are.

His mind wanders to Bedelia and Jack. To what kind of beauty he and Will could create from them. It sends a pleasant shiver down his spine imagining Will gutting Jack like he had gutted their Dragon. He’ll have to share that thought when the time comes for them to pay the man a visit. But for now, he’s content to simply imagine and enjoy the glow of the fire while Will feeds the flames and hums softly to himself. Now is a time for rest and recovery. Bloodshed and revenge can wait until another day.

Reach Chapter 7

[intersex-ionality]

Sorry if this is a dumb question but can you explain what you mean by “sex leads to dehumanization”, I noticed you talking about it in a post about America vs Japan. Do you mean a slut shaming kind of thing? I read a little in your tag about failures of progressive fandom and anime, you mentioned something about cringe culture or being shamed for liking anime can lead to radicalization by facists or something. Can people being isolated and shamed for liking problematic ships also lead to that?

I am sorry if I sound dumb but I didn’t completely understand a post of yours about anime fans being isolated and dehumanized by sex “That brings us right back around to the fact that western audiences for anime are often isolated from progressive sexual politics AND are western. So that sex-to-dehumanization-in-one-step pathway is still very much active in Western audiences, and the left’s decision to mark anime fans are inherently monstrous as a result… makes them easier to target by fascists”

I think this sent twice, but these are slightly different so I’m including them both.

To clarify what I mean about sex as a tool for dehumanization or objectification.

In the US, there is a pervasive belief, even among non-Christian people, that sex is somehow inherently dirty, dangerous, or immoral. That it is a type of sin. That sex in specific controlled environments, such as between two long term partners of similar social standing, can reduce the sinfulness of it, the sin can never be truly eliminated. That even the knowledge of sex is dangerous, which is why teaching children sex education and how to identify if they are being sexually abused is seen by many US Americans as sexual abuse in and of itself.

Culturally, in the US (and, to a much lesser extent, throughout the European-colonized west), sex is bad. The right kind of sex might be morally neutral, and if sex is being used to achieve a specific goal, it might even be seen as positive, but sex for its own sake is corruption.

This has a lot of negative effects on a lot of people.

For example, people who are strongly pro-sex, or who have a lot of sex, or who have niche sexual interests, or who just have sex “the wrong way” (outside marriage, between two people of the same gender, etc etc) are sullied. And if they chose that sex, or worse, want it, they are seen as not only as corrupted themselves but corrupting others too.

When someone is corrupting the people around them, they are seen as dangerous. And, when someone is seen as dangerous, violent action against them is not considered as bad as it would be when taken against a “purer” and “more wholesome” person! Violence against them would instead be seen as retribution. It may even be seen as a good thing.

Another way this has negative effects is if a person is seen as sexually appealing by others. In that case, regardless of the person’s actual intent, they are being assigned the status of corrupted. And, the corrupt, the sinful, the impure are not seen as worthy of the same rights as other people. They are seen as lesser. Subhuman, or inhuman.

This is one way that sex is used as a tool of dehumanization in the US.

There are many, many others.

However, if you begin researching this subject on your own (I am afraid I don’t have any additional resources for you at the moment!), you must be very careful.

The fact that sex is used as an excuse to dehumanize others does not mean that sex itself is evil. Many, many people who recognize the way sex and sexual expression are used as an excuse to dehumanize others, will conclude that sex must be further controlled because it is “so dangerous.”

However, treating sex as dangerous, rather than as a common and natural activity that people can and should indulge in at their leisure, only serves to reinforce the system of shame, condemnation, and ultimatley dehumanization.

[starsbegantofall]

just thoughts, no judgement

I have been clicking through several twitter/tumblr accounts from English-speaking but non-Western users about various topics after the pandemic/protests/general 2020 disasters began that I personally have found to be a clear and humbling reminder of what the world is like outside of my country (America). The strongest condemnations I’ve seen are passed on young-ish Westerners who try to spread activism through social media and fandom but are (rightfully sometimes) being met with resistance from non-Western cultures.

First of all, I am not equating these as equally important as basic human rights for all, I’m just paraphrasing a few easy to parse examples for my reference and hopefully to help enlighten others (?)

1. cultural appropriation of indigenous/native cultures - not just in America but around the world, in which people who are not native speak on what counts as appropriation or appreciation on behalf of the native cultures. They mean well!  They did their research!  But logically, only an indigenous person can really tell you how they feel regarding outsider approach on their culture, and that is just one person out of many different perspectives.

2. patronizing people in “poorer” countries, expecting them to stay on top of US-centric issues while acting condescending towards their culture/lifestyles/food whatever, essentially modern-day colonizing. Some Westerners even mean well out of honest ignorance. But a lot of countries have been colonized for the worse, and their current situation that seems bad to you is oftena direct result of Western war and invasion and interference. Better to know your own country’s history before you try to fix another country’s history, that doesn’t even need that much “fixing” or is being worked on from within where you can’t see because guess what, you didn’t bother to learn their language but hahah, they know yours. And as BLM has shown, a whole lotta Americans don’t even know basic events in their own history. Glass house!

3. subset of 2, the assumption that media in other countries aren’t as “progressive” as America’s, which is a laughably hypocritical thought as many LGBT and other minorities live in dread all their lives in America, but is held up as irrefutable proof that the country is backwards and needs Western activism to save their souls. Yaoi/BL in Japan is the most popular example, because it’s so “tropey” and “cringey” that clearly means Asians need white ppl to explain to them about homophobia and activism and such... When many Asian cultures already have a diverse and tolerant history, much more so than any European nation, and often only recently became intolerant to fall in line with Western superpowers. Also, perhaps due to their government, family lives or various other factors, they can only work on their activism underground, away from Western gaze. To them, yaoi/bl is a source of comfort and motivation, despite its alleged lack of progressiveness in Western eyes.

4. the use of Western values on Eastern cultures for just about anything. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact, a lot of Western cultures could use Eastern values, like ahem, wearing a mask to protect others from your diseased saliva and snot!!!!  Another one I’ve seen is how Filipinos do not agree to use Filipinx as a gender neutral term when their own language is already gender neutral, they don’t make that sound in their language, and they’re trying to distance themselves from their Spanish and American colonizers. So many things that seem valuable to the American citizen are actually symbols of oppression to people outside, vice versa.

Again, we in America tend to believe that after all of our oppression Olympics regarding race and gender and sexuality and immigration and religion and disability and so on and so forth, we must surely have gotten it right by now. But just because it suits Americans doesn’t mean it works for other people, and trying to push our extremely specific values while steamrolling over easy-to-google circumstances within different countries should be avoided. I hope everyone in western cultures (namely America, Canada, Australia, England) take a moment to think before lauding themselves as examples of activism and enlightenment all while at the same time screaming at people in other countries for not being aware of the latest race-related petitions or not working harder for gay rights or not speaking up loudly on cultural oppression and colorism and sexism.

Especially when we clearly have so far to go in achieving equality for everyone in our own so-called enlightened countries.

Just be logical and respectful. Do your research, actually talk to people from other countries, read articles or watch media from outside of the US with both a critical and appreciative heart. If you don’t have time, then don’t say anything disparaging in public, as much as you want to.  Work on your own self first, there’s always work to be done there, and be open to change. If someone asks you, then feel free to offer your perspective and advice. But until then, listen.

[padfootagain]

Rob The Bank

So… here I am, writing for a new fandom!! But these two are too adorable for me to resist!! So here it a cute little thing :) I hope you all like it. Of course, as I've started writing for them, you can ask requests for them from now on! I will not be writing reader inserts for them though, I ship these two too much for that.

Gif not mine

Word count : 4594

Aziraphale was the one to be easily fooled. He was also the one to get into trouble because of it often. His kind and trusting nature was undoubtedly to blame for this pattern. He seemed to miss all the signs of betrayal that were thrown at him, until the deception was so obvious it was actually unfolding for the entire world to see. Not that Aziraphale was stupid, he had come out of difficult situations, and with a little bit of time forcing wisdom into his brain, he had been able to avoid some traps set on his path. Still, more often than not, the angel found himself in a trap, and Crowley generally came to the rescue. A little miracle and pouf! Everyone could go home safe and sound, or well, knowing Aziraphale, chances were that he would invite the demon for an excellent meal as a gesture of gratitude.

But not this time.

This time, it was Crowley who found himself trapped behind bars. And he still couldn't believe how he had found himself in this tiny cell.

His mission was simple though. It was the second half of the 19th century, the migration in the Western parts of the continent was going strong in the US. And despite the dry weather and few people around, the little towns were popping out of the ground like mushrooms colonizing the ground of a rainy forest in autumn. The rash weather and the isolation from bigger cities made these new towns a perfect playground for the demon. And he had found the perfect weapon.

Saloons.

Easy to build, easy to finance, easy to take care of afterwards and it held a power of destruction that no one in Hell had foreseen (including him). Alcohol was the perfect catalyst for violence and stupid actions. Crowley merely had to make sure that every person in the desert would have a chance to get a few glasses of whiskey. Humans would do the rest of the job. Even better, Crowley had found out that planting both a saloon and a bank in the same town increased exponentially the disruption in this area. From murders to robberies, the list of crimes was reaching the stars.

At least, that was the official version he had given to his superiors in Hell. The reality was that humans had created this abomination that was alcohol all by themselves, and they had felt the need that one of the first things that any man, no matter where he was in the world, should have access to was alcohol. Apparently, it was much more important to them to get whiskey rather than healthy food, provisions, medications, doctors or any other goods and skills that could increase their lifespan. Which is why they created saloons. And seeing the results, Crowley had claimed it all as his own idea when the question had been asked to him if he had been in the initiative of this or not. Now, obviously, it was expected from him to make sure the saloons bloomed through the desert like roses in Kensington Gardens in June. And so he did. After all, he didn't really have a choice.

However, he had been surprised at first not to see anything coming from the other side, but he reckoned that Aziraphale was too busy trying to save a few Native Americans. A point Crowley had not foreseen happening entirely, but understood now. Humans were greedy. Humans were unrespectful. Humans were quick at pointing at differences and claiming them as arguments for establishing different values amongst people. The colour of one's skin, their language, their traditions… as soon as these aspects parted from their own, they were considered as a proof that these people they didn't know and had never met before were their inferiors. And when Europeans had first set foot on the American continent, neither Crowley nor Aziraphale had imagined that they would decide that slaughtering entire civilizations and stealing people's lands and belongings and traditions and freedom would be a good way to start their adventures on this brand-new piece of land. But looking back, Crowley reckoned that they had both been fools. Slavery and slaughters had always been a part of human history, why would it change now?

Crowley brought back his mind on the present with a loud sigh. It wasn't the time to drift back towards the past and meditate on the stupidity of the human race. So he brought back his train of thoughts back on the issue he was dealing with before his mind drifted away.

Aziraphale. Trying to save people in the wild west. Explanation to why Crowley was left building saloons and banks all around the US freely.

Crowley had been opening a brand new establishment in this little town set in the middle of absolutely nowhere when troubles he had not foreseen were thrown upon him. Which, he reckoned, was particularly unfair. He had been merely minding his own little business, and there came trouble, without invitation or provocation.

Two dirty-looking rascals had walked into the new saloon. With a few drinks in them, they had shared with Crowley their plan of robbing the bank set right across the street. Their plan though, as they presented it to him, seemed altogether rather messy, at best. So of course, Crowley had considered it his duty to help them out by giving them a few ideas of his. He knew they would work well, he had helped planning another robbery in a nearby town just a month before.

And that was when the treachery happened.

For the two rascals were indeed not rascals. Despite their pitiful looks, they worked for the sheriff and they had been looking for the brain behind the robbery that had happened in the neighbouring town. And Crowley had fallen right into the fire.

Before he knew what was happening, the sheriff had thrown him into this disgusting cell. He was accused of orchestrating the first robbery and trying to hire people to attempt a second stunt. And Crowley felt very offended by both statements as :

a)     He had not been a part of the first robbery, had never even set a foot in the building in question, and had merely given a few advices, just like he had attempted to do again in the saloon with the two fake rascals.

b)     He had never tried to hire anyone and was merely minding his own business in the first place.

He could have tried to miracle his way out of it. But he had been using quite a lot of these to build up his demonical plan spreading alcohol and money-reservoirs across the western lands. And he reckoned that using a major miracle now would only pull too much attention towards him. Considering his arrangement with the angel and his own personal appreciation of his freedom of actions on Earth, he was more than reluctant at using his powers for this.

He would have to find another way out of this. But how?

He was deeply thinking about this in the middle of the night, the cell and sheriff's house all filled with shadows, lying on the very hard bench he would have to call a bed for the evening, when he felt a familiar shudder shaking the air.

It was not much, just a presence nearby. A little tremor through the stillness of the night, like a whisper carried by the wind. He recognized it instantly though. It was always around him, in the distance, and he didn't pay much attention to the acknowledgement of it that constantly took place at the back of his mind, except when the presence was not far but closer, causing bigger ripples in the velvet canva of the Universe than usual. Suddenly, this tremor in the air had grown strong enough for Crowley to be fully aware of it, and a smile formed on his lips before the door even opened upon the familiar silhouette of Aziraphale.

The silvery moon embraced his shape in an almost surreal contrast with the rest of the world drenched with shadows. He was wearing a white ensemble from the tip of his cowboy boots to the edge of his hat, that formed a sheer but familiar contrast with the black clothes Crowley wore. He had a little bit of dust upon him, that coloured slightly his white suit and long beige coat in a yellow-to-brownish shade. His skin seemed either a little tanned or merely coloured by the dust as well, it was hard to tell from Crowley's place in the cell. After all, the angel had not alit any candle yet, the demon could only count on his developed sight for now.

Aziraphale hurried inside and urgently closed the door behind him. He searched for Crowley through the shadows, but it took him less than a second to spot the slender form lying in the cell.

"Crowley! Is that you?"

"Who else could it be?" the demon answered, standing up and resting his hands against the bars.

"What have you done again, you silly snake?!"

Aziraphale advanced through the room until he faced his friend – although he would never admit out loud that Crowley was his friend, of course, wrong sides and all these technicalities… - until he was standing right before the cell, and it looked almost as if Crowley had placed his hands against a wall on either sides of the angel.

"I didn't even do anything!" Crowley protested. "I didn't! I was just opening a saloon, 's all!"

"Opening a saloon?"

"Well of course! Temptation, chaos, crimes, and all that. And then these two guys arrived and for some reason they put me in that cell!"

"They say you've… robbed a bank!" Aziraphale tried to control how loud he spoke to not draw the attention of anyone who could have been passing by before the building. But at this ungodly hour of the night, there was no one outside but a few rats and the whispering of the wind in deep conversation with the leaves of the crooked tree growing down the street.

Or well, almost no one…

"They're going to hang you, Crowley!"

The demon raised an eyebrow.

"Well… that is a little extreme for merely being accused of orchestrating a robbery…"

"Not here, it's not. They're going to hang you! You have to miracle your way out of this!"

"I can't. Used too many miracles lately, I can't draw attention on myself or they might learn about our little arrangement."

Aziraphale shuddered, but nodded.

"Alright, I'll get you out then."

Crowley could hardly refrain the grin that started to form on his lips.

"Well, if you could hurry then, Angel…"

But the loud echoes of boots hitting the wooden ground right on the threshold echoed, and Aziraphale panicked. He grimaced, trembled, his eyebrows shot up towards his hairline as his eyes grew rounder and bigger than saucers and his lips parted in a horrified 'O' shape.

"No, don't panic, get me out…" Crowley tried to calm his friend down, but it was too late.

Aziraphale was gone.

"Angel!" Crowley called, and his friend reappeared for a mere second.

"I'll get you out later."

"Why? No! Now!"

"They'll look up for you everywhere if I do. Don't worry, I have a plan."

The door unlocked and Aziraphale let out a loud gasp that was halfway towards a shriek before he vanished into thin air again.

Crowley cursed under his breath as the Sheriff walked in, but there was nothing he could. He had to wait for rescue…

 --------------------------------------------------------------

 Crowley was starting to become a little worried. As his executioner was tightening the knot around his neck, he was beginning to think that, despite the risks coming from Hell, he might be wiser to miracle his way out of this one now. He reckoned that the paperwork coming with him being discorporated would bring much more wrath upon him than producing a miracle.

The sun was too hot and the air too dry, the dust swept away by the harsh wind stuck to Crowley’s sweaty skin. He had asked as a last will to keep his sunglasses, but his black hat had been taken away, and he regretted the accessory. If he was constantly amazed by how people in this part of the world constantly found ways to spread chaos, he couldn’t deny that he preferred the climate in London right now…

The crowd that had gathered to watch his execution shuddered with excitement. Crowley had not been paying much attention to the executioner as he enumerated the laws the demon had broken and that led him there, to be cooking up under the too hot sun like an egg in a pan. And he guessed that the executioner must have had a moment of eloquence to make the crowd so excited all of a sudden. Crowley did not pay any attention to it all, however.

Instead, his snake-like eyes were searching through the crowd. He couldn’t believe Aziraphale was not here. Or well, actually, he knew his best friend was here, he could feel it. But where by the Devil’s name was he hiding?

A glint of beige caught his eyes, seeming even brighter under the intense sunlight, and Crowley’s lips curved up at the corners as he finally recognized the angel.

He was dressed in the same manner as Crowley had seen him the previous night, and the demon didn’t fail to notice that his clothes were a little more covered with dust than the previous night. Catching his friend’s gaze, Aziraphale couldn’t refrain a nervous smile. He gave Crowley a nod, letting him know he had the situation under control. To which the demon replied by painting on his features an expression that meant "better hope so, angel".

There was an excited tremor through the crowd as the executioner rested his hand on the lever that would open the hatch under Crowley’s feet. But all the while, Crowley kept his attention focused upon Aziraphale. And the angel’s lips formed the smallest of smiles as he looked at Crowley, a content look on his kind features, sign that everything was going as planned.

And if Crowley had any doubts left (and he would not easily admit that he already had no doubts left the second he spotted Aziraphale standing there in the crowd), they dissipated with the sight of the angel's content little wiggle. So Crowley didn’t try anything. It was as much as his trust in the angel was absolute: as the lever was pulled and the hatch under his feet opened and he felt gravity pulling him down towards the ground and the rope around his neck slip up a little, he didn’t do anything. He didn’t try any miracle of his own. He let Aziraphale save him, thinking that he would have to make sure to buy his friend the best meal he could find. And as the rope stopped his fall and he started to feel the knot digging into his skin, he closed his eyes.

 --------------------------------------------------------------------

 Aziraphale was generally a patient man, but not so much when he was worried. He then had a tendency to wiggle a little more than usual, pace a lot and imagine the scenes that would occur in his mind thousands of times. But now it was more than nervousness. It was impatience. Pure and simple. After all, even if everything was going as planned so far, it was still a messy and rather risky business he was going through. The sooner he was getting it all over with, the better.

So, while he was waiting at the undertaker, he kept on pacing in the man's office. Ten minutes he had been waiting for the man already, he was certain that he was going to lose his mind. Besides, he was not at all where he was supposed to be. He couldn't stop himself from worrying about either his or Crowley's side learning that he was here, with Crowley lying in a coffin next door…

"Mr… Azira… fell…"

He jumped as a rather crooked and old man appeared behind him.

"Aziraphale. Yes, hello, sir." The angel's face broke with a bright grin.

"Right… so, ya' here for the robber?"

"Yes, indeed. I would very much like to get back his body. He's a cousin of mine, no matter the terrible things he seems to have done, and he should be resting with our family…"

The old man shushed him with a quick and rather impolite gesture of the hand.

"Whatever, no one 'lse gonna claim tha' bastard. Be off wi' him 'en."

"Really? Oh, thank you, my good sir!" Aziraphale shook the man's hand with a thankful and relieved smile.

He had expected some checking of his parentage with Crowley, or at least more questions… but he guessed that the authorities, just like the undertaker, didn't care much about a hanged man.

"Can ya take him now?" the grumpy man asked.

"Oh, yes. Of course."

"Good, well, then, go ahead. Do you want me to put him in a coffin?"

"Well… is it not what one is supposed to do with a… dead body?" Aziraphale frowned.

"Do ya 'eally think I'm gonna waste my time wi' a culprit? I got better things to do wi' my time!"

"Of course… well, if you could just put him in a coffin anyway, I would be grateful. After all, we need to get out of town, and I would rather have everything looking as normal as possible."

"Can you pay fo' the coffin? These things ain't fo' free."

"Of course, I can."

As if to prove his point, Aziraphale showed him some money with a large smile, and at the sight of coins, the undertaker finally seemed to be a little less grumpy than before.

Only a few minutes later, the coffin, that turned out to be little more than a big wooden box, was put at the back of Aziraphale's wagon. As he guided his horses forward and across town, the angel couldn't help but imagine that most people he passed by were suspiciously staring at him, but then, he figured that it might have been his imagination mingling with his strong awareness of doing something secret and illegal – according to both human laws and the laws of Heaven and Hell. But then, the situation called for desperate measures, there was nothing he could do about it.

He didn't slow down nor stop before he was out of town and couldn't see any sign of civilization around him anymore. By then, the sun had sunk beyond the horizon already, and the velvety sky had chosen to wear a dark purple shade instead of its usual blue. The orangish dust of the desert was blown by the wind in little spirals that erased the traces left by the wheels of the wagon. Aziraphale had been careful in leaving no trace of their journey.

He finally heaved a relieved sigh, letting his eyes rest for a few seconds on the distant chasm of the canyons carved in red stone, barely visible under the shy light of the crescent moon. Stars were beginning to appear here and there, tiny spots of burning gas light-years away. Aziraphale couldn't help but feel a little sting of melancholy as his eyes drifted amongst the shining lights, the thought crossing his mind that some of them were not up there anymore, that they had already died out and exploded into clouds of atoms along time ago, and that the light he saw now was but their handprint left on the sky.

But he quickly shook himself out of his thought, bringing himself back to the matter at hand. He turned around to the wooden coffin, and with a mere snap of his fingers, he opened the top.

Crowley was lying there, eyes closed, hands resting on his abdomen, looking paler than usual, his red hair pushed back to reveal his thin face. And for a moment, Aziraphale was hit by the truth that this time, his best friend, his only friend really, when he came to think of it, or at least the only one he could really rely on no matter what may happen, could truly have died out there. He would have been merely discorporated, and would most likely have been back after a short while, but Aziraphale couldn't imagine what kind of troubles he would have run into in Hell. He imagined that being discorporated would have gotten him into the worst kind of trouble indeed… He shuddered at the thought. He shuddered at the thought that he had come so close to losing the only being that understood him. He blamed for it the millennia they had spent alone on Earth, but he knew deep down that there was something more to it. He chose not to investigate further on his own feelings for now, however, and instead pushed away the dreadful thought of Crowley's pain and gently touched the demon's shoulder.

"Crowley? We're in the clear. Wake up."

But the demon didn't move, making Aziraphale frown.

"Crowley?"

He shook the demon's shoulder, but again, his friend remained motionless. And all of a sudden, the angel was taken over by such a tidal wave of pure and agonizing panic.

What if something had gotten wrong? What if Aziraphale had failed his miracle? What if… what if Crowley was dead because of him?

"Crowley! Crowley! Oh no… oh dear…"

He shook the demon some more, feeling his heart breaking in his chest in such a painful way he had never experienced before, not even when he had had to witness the Great Flood, or all these people dying of new diseases like the plague or the smallpox… these touched humans and if he truly loved them, Crowley touched another string in Aziraphale's heart. Something that echoed deeper, something more personal somehow, something he had both chosen and not chosen at all… He could hardly express it into words, all he knew was that he was more afraid and hurt than he had ever been before.

But then, the most beautiful sound echoed around him, and he heaved a relieved sigh, finally acknowledging the tears that had appeared in his eyes.

Crowley let out a low groan, before opening one eye.

"Angel?" he asked in a hoarse, raspy voice.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, you scared me so much!"

Crowley let out a second guttural sound.

"Let's never do that again," he sighed, rubbing his painful neck. "I feel like I've been trampled by a horse."

Aziraphale helped him sitting up.

"You could have just miracled me out of there. You didn't need to overdo it," Crowley complained.

"Yes, but then, they would know you were alive, and they… they would have been looking for you. Dead or alive. You would have been in danger."

Crowley couldn’t refrain the smile that formed on his lips at the sight of the worried angel by his side.

"Well, I'm alright, and they think I'm dead. Should I say thank you?"

"No need for that."

"I reckon I shouldn't linger around here too long still."

"Probably not."

Crowley finally noticed that he didn't have his sunglasses anymore, and he winced. Until Aziraphale reached for his pocket.

Silently, the angel handed him his pair of glasses, and Crowley was so touched by the gesture that he merely thanked the angel with a smile. He hesitated to put them on, but changed his mind. After all, there was only Aziraphale around, and he reckoned that if there was one person in this Universe with whom he could be himself, it was the angel. So instead of placing them on his nose, he put them safely in the pocket of his vest.

He climbed out of the coffin and came to sit next to Aziraphale, who was looking up at the stars again.

"What were you doing at all out there anyway?" Aziraphale asked his friend, without taking his eyes off the burning lights.

"I told you, I was opening a saloon."

"Oh, I should have known you were behind these. Do you know how much bad alcohol does to this world?! Or well… rather their excessive use of it."

"It wasn't my idea. Humans found that all by themselves. But then I was asked by my side if I had invented these, and I could hardly tell the truth. Now, I'm expected to open more of those."

"I see," Aziraphale nodded, his voice calmer again.

"And then I was accused of a crime I didn't even commit! I didn't even rob these banks, or organized anything. I did give the robbers an advice or two, but you can hardly speak of me as the mastermind behind it all even then. Actually… perhaps I should rob a bank. Right now. We should do it together. We go to the next town and we rob the bank, so at least, they will have tried to discorporate me for a real reason."

"Us robbing bank? Don't be ridiculous," Aziraphale replied, trying to sound outraged, but he was merely amused, really.

"What about you? I heard you were trying to help with the slaughtering."

"I'm afraid I am losing though, Crowley. I am trying to make them see that they all can live peacefully together but… they always end up stealing and then killing and… I don't know how I can make things better."

Crowley remained silent for a moment, a saddened expression on his face.

"Well… if I have to get away for a while to avoid being discorporated, and if you can't do anything to stop humans from stupidly slaughtering each others… what about we take a little break."

"A break?" Aziraphale asked back, finally looking at the demon next to him.

Crowley nodded.

"For how long have you been away from your bookshop?"

"Oh dear… I think it has been years…"

"We should go back to London for a while. We can't do anything good or bad here anyway. We could go home."

"We can't Crowley, we have… missions to do and…"

"Oh, come on! You can't stop them from killing each other. And I can't go back or they'll hang me again. So what is the point? We're not abandoning her missions, we're just… facing the harsh reality that we cannot succeed this time. Besides… who cares? They're not going to check on us, Angel. No one will know. Wouldn't you rather be back home, with your books and some nice tea?"

"Oh, right before coming here, I found this very rare edition of some of Rousseau's The Social Contract… a real beauty." Aziraphale let himself be convinced, and he was suddenly full of this adorable excitement of his. "I have to show you!"

A rather tender smile formed on Crowley's features, although he would have denied that he was even capable of feeling tenderness at all.

"I'd love to see it, Angel."

"But first… what about we stay here for a moment?" Aziraphale proposed, with a slight blush blooming on his cheeks that he failed to hide. "The stars are particularly beautiful tonight, don't you think?"

Crowley looked up at the sky, his same tender smile still on his lips, but it was hard to tell then if when he spoke again he was really talking about the stars, or something else entirely.

"You're right, Angel. It all makes a rather beautiful sight."

***********************************

Tag list : @ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet @notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky @snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity @i-padfootblack-things  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi @imafangirlofeverything 

[the-prophet-lemonade]

do you have any advice on getting a story to be seen? i made an ao3 account not too long ago so no one has seen my fic at the moment but i was wondering if you had any tips on that, or would i just have to wait?

hello! i can’t claim to know what makes a fic popular as it’s 99% luck, but i can speak for the remaining 1% that has worked ~reasonably~ well for me in the past. 

i think there are three key elements to getting a fic “seen”: marketing, branding, and presentation, and they’re all very important. this post got very long, so please find everything under the cut! i hope it helps :-) 

i. marketing

fic marketing may seem a bit narcissistic if you haven’t done it before, but trust me on this: it’s the best way to attract readers and you deserve to promoted your story as something you worked hard upon!

drumming up hype for a fic is great. you can do this by posting on social media, providing sneak peaks on your twitter, involving yourself in the fandom community and discussing your wips with other fans, and just generally being excited about what you’re creating. engaging with other people’s writing is also a great method to help boost your own stats … get involved with reading other work and leaving comments for other people, because they will be more likely to return the favour! when someone comments on my fics, i often go and check out their profile and see what they’ve written, as it’s highly likely we enjoy the same things! 

making promos is one of my favourite ways to engage with people about fics. once i post a fic/new chapter to ao3, i also crosspost promo posts with links and graphics to my twitter and tumblr. you will need a good hook to get people interested, but also an eye-catching image that summarises the story pictorially can be a great asset (you don’t even need photoshop, just a nice moodboard will do!). when using images however, it’s always important to think how the image size will appear in tumblr’s dimensions and on your own blog … make sure it’s not stretched or the resolution too low, and create something with a good visual flow i.e. the title appears first, then the necessary information, then any teasers or extracts. you need to make your fic post stand out on someone else’s timeline, which may already be filled with a bunch of other fic posts, jostling for attention. make it neat, clean, informative, and professional.

make sure to use the tagging systems efficiently for your chosen social media platforms: only the first five tags count on a tumblr post, so choose them wisely (i.e. use the key fandom tags first and save your personal blog tags for after), and only two hashtags count on twitter before it’s marked as spam, so go for the ship tag!

creating your own fic tag on twitter can also be fun, and i’ve seen a lot more people doing it lately too. you can encourage people to tweet along with a specialised hashtag and then you can find their reaction and engage with them later, which once again expands your fandom circle and will increase engagement on tweets associated with your fic.  

another trick i’ve learned is utilising time zones and understanding the demographics of the audience you’re trying to reach. i am very careful to post my fics at certain times of day in order to reach key people e.g. i will try to hit either europeans or americans during the evening, as this is when most people are home from work and wanting to read fic. as a european myself, especially involved in fandoms with high levels of european fans, i usually post during the early evening for CET time zones i.e. 7 or 8 pm and i tend to find this works for me. 

with tumblr, i often delay my promo posts so that i post when it’s likely to get maximum interaction (you can see when your blog is most active using your tumblr analytics) … use your queue if need be! 

i also take care in reblogging/retweeting my promo posts at certain times of day too. i will usually bump the post just before i go to bed, so as to grab americans in their early evening, and then i will bump it again in the morning when i wake up, to catch australians and west coast americans still awake. i then usually keep bumping my promos once a day for two or three days on my social media to cast a wide enough net to catch as many people who might be interested, as not everyone checks their timeline every day and social media swallows up posts so quickly, especially tumblr which is not built for original content creators to do well (lol). i will usually bump a promo post 5 - 7 times before retiring it and this is a model that’s worked well for me in the past, especially for droplets, which would get 500+ notes per chapter!  if you’re anxious about this, know that most people will only see your post once or twice because tumblr moves fast and swallows posts up very quickly, and sometimes people need reminders to read if they decide to save things for later when they have more time

ii. branding

the benefits of branding mainly come from experience, so it’s a tricky thing to utilise if you haven’t published fic before … but there are still tricks worth trying! 

certain fic writers will attract readers to new fics just because their name is attached to it, and people know the sort of story they’re getting, they know how it’ll be written, the sort of tropes that will appear, that sort of thing. obviously, building up this sort of brand requires publishing a lot of work, and so it must be said that practice makes perfect: the more you write and publish, the more your fics will be seen and your audience will grow. people will regularly see your username in the tags on ao3 and be more inclined to click on you as someone who reliably produces good content. it’s important to remember that everyone starts from the same place and works hard to improve their craft; success doesn’t just come overnight (unless you’re in the right place at the right time) and any creator will tell you that compliments to their talent aren’t what matters, but instead, it’s compliments to their dedication and hard graft. 

another key thing about branding is how you present yourself online. the most important thing in my opinion is cohesion across your social media platforms e.g. having the same username on ao3 as you do on tumblr/twitter/wherever you promote your fic. having an easily navigatable blog with working hyperlinks and archiving of your fic work is also great. basically, building a clean interface for people to engage with your work is vital! having the same icon and username across all your social media makes it so much easier for readers to navigate between your fics and your promo posts … basically, the easier you can spell something out, the better

branding is mostly to do with how you advertise yourself, rather than the particular fic, although much of it overlaps. get your name out there by engaging with other writers and making friends and appreciating their work! this is often the best way to get inspired, plus you get to meet some amazing people. i recommend trying out for zines and big bangs and writing challenges, as these are good ways to show your work to already-established audiences. also, make yourself available by interacting with commentors or by opening up your inbox on tumblr to anons. try linking your social media and your inbox as hyperlinks in the authors note of your fic

iii. presentation

this is really fundamental and is often the main reason people will close out of your fic and not read to the end. people want to read fics that are easy to digest and have had care put into them. this includes a lot of things:

correct tagging i.e. are the tags coherent and not just rambling? are there appropriate trigger warnings in place? have you unnecessarily tagged every side pairing under the sun, rather than just the main relationship?

grammar and spelling. goes without saying … people are more likely to read things that look professional and have had care poured into their preparation. make sure you know how to use speech punctuation. revise how to use commas. avoid epithets (especially racially-aggravated ones). get yourself a beta if you’re worried, because betas are godsends!

paragraphing. so many people will close out of a fic if it isn’t correctly spaced. double spaced paragraphs look best on ao3 and i often won’t read a fic if the paragraphs are too long because it hurts my eyes to read. make sure you’re starting new speakers in new paragraphs. new ideas deserve new paragraphs. basically, every time the “camera” changes, you should be starting a new paragraph. not just a new line. 

summaries. i see so many fics on ao3 with summaries that are either apologising for being bad at summaries or apologising for a fic being bad/being a first fic, and like … stop this! own what you have written, no-one else will have written it the way you have and you should be proud of it. if you’re saying in your summary that it’s a bad fic, i’m not going to click on it as a reader. instead, utilise your summary to get people hooked … good hooks can be written a load of different ways, but the best ones i see often involved a snippet from the fic as a taster, and then a couple lines of blurb. get people excited! 

titles: i’m personally more likely to click on a fic where the title is either (a) correctly capitalised or (b) is clearly chosen for its aesthetic or meaning (i love long lower case titles with parentheses lol). choosing a memorable title is really helpful, especially one that can be shortened or abbreviated for social media (e.g. for hashtags)!

all this being said, traffic on ao3 is a crytpid at best and obeys little in the way of rhyme or reason. you can put blood, sweat and tears into marketing your fic, but sometimes, just being in the right place at the right time (writing for the right niche) is what does it, so being a fic writer requires a lot of patience. first and foremost, write for yourself. write what you want to read and enjoy doing it, because if you get sucked into obsessively checking stats, it’s only going to disappoint when you don’t achieve what you want to achieve. 

just keep persevering and keep writing and appreciating each and every person who takes time in interact with your fic and its promos … because ultimately, all it takes it that one reader to fall head over heels in love with your fic for everything to change. for now, just be proud of your work and keep writing!