#I am actually so unhinged about this holy shit

[im-jesus]

I’m Jesus. I support people of every color except wealthy people who are assholes about it. If you’re blue or yellow, please go to the doctor, that’s not a good sign. I also support every aspect of the LGBTQIA+ community (no, that does not include ped0s, stop asking) and I am a safe place for mental health issues. My DMs are open, I don’t want to see a picture of your private parts (except you. no, not you. it knows who it is).

Don’t interact if you’re gonna be a shit about this kind of stuff. This is a gimmick blog. It’s for fun. I’m actually a transmasc bisexual virgin opossum in a trench coat (he/him). I’m not a minor, but I’m okay if minors message me, just please disclose that you’re a minor so I can put my filter in. You don’t need to for asks, asks will always be unhinged. Sorry, mate.

I love you, I love you very much. Please don’t hurt yourselves, hydrate or diedrate, make sure to eat something, and try to brush your teeth. And if you have any, take your meds. Rest your minds, don't use too many spoons, and please, for the love of all things holy, sit down before you dislocate your shoulder because of your mobility aids. <3

[drdemonprince]

Holy shit. I’ve never been on Reddit until recently. So I missed the fact that people are like completely feral about you on there. For unhinged reasons like not believing you’re really autistic, mad because you don’t like diagnosis, you being a social psychologist, calling you ableist and weirdly misgendering you as if pronouns were really hard to understand. Why are people like this? I’m just an autistic person who follows a ton of autistic people but most don’t get the hate that you do. I mean maybe that’s like a positive thing because it shows your level of unmasking where you’re ok with being unliked by some? But it’s still shit. I’m sorry people are like that about you. It’s not ok.

awww wow thank you. That's really nice of you to recognize and say. There are several reasons why things have gotten to be like this. One of them is that people on reddit generally adopt a more medicalized understanding of everything from Autism to transness -- and so they reallly hate someone who pushes back against the medicalization of both. There's a lot of conservativism and self-hatred in reddit communities for marginalized groups, and really high respectability standards. The Autism in women subreddit hates me because i have challenged the idea that there's gendered variants of Autism, and it makes them uncomfortable to see trans women, queer people, and men of color lumped in with themselves.

There are also things I have done to contribute to this problem -- I used to fire off hot-take versions of my opinions on Twitter that were very easily misunderstood by those with the intention to do so or no context on the conversation, and there's the fact that I write about and for a predominately masked Autistic audience that has a lot of privileges that higher-support-needs Autistics do not have. People take umbrage at that and I don't really fault them for it, because even I am troubled by the ways in which the online Autistic community caters to those who can speak/mask/neuroconform more than those who are nonspeaking, intellectually disabled, or more visibly disabled in general. If people would really pay attention to my work they'd understand that I'm not the Aspie supremacist dipshit they think that I am, and that I actually do find the exact same things as them concerning, but some of them are just so sick of how overhyped they perceive me to be to really care about the nuances, or they've seen full on hate videos about me made on Tiktok by a few people who stalk me.

There sadly is a small but vocal community of people who viscerally hate me and spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about me and my work. It's sad. I've done my best to detach from the aspects of public life that would force me to deal with all of that, but some people are obsessive enough that it still breaks in.

[marvelwinchester67]

I’m gonna need 5-10 business days to recover from the Hazbin Hotel season 1 finale.

Hazbin Hotel episode 7 and 8 spoilers (because I’m going feral) and my thoughts/unhinged feelings about it because no one else can understand quite like tumblr can

Read at your own risk

What. The. Fuck. Guys.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

IT WAS NIFFTY WHO KILLED ADAM?!

AND SIR PENTIOUS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! IM NOT OKAY BUT IM GLAD HE IS

Lucifer “now I’m gonna fuck you” Morningstar everyone (plz I love him so much)

So Carmilla knew who Vaggie really was and just, didn’t give a shit? Love her for that

I love Rosie. Her design, her personality, she’s amazing. She was so sweet to Charlie when she didn’t have to be and actually listened to her and encouraged her (points for the relationship advice)

So Alastor is on someone’s leash and he’s trying to wiggle his way out of it, the Vees are plotting (of course they are), and LUTE KNOWS LILITH?! THEY MADE SOME KIND OF DEAL?!

I’m so so curious about how Lute and Lilith know each other and why Lute would want her to deal with her daughter

But this implies that Adam had a previous deal with Lilith regarding something we don’t know yet, since Lute said she was in charge now that he was dead and that their deal pertained to her now

ALSO?! You’re telling me that’s what Adam looked like under his mask?! (I still loathe him but lowkey he was hot I’ll be honest right now)

Sir Pentious telling Cherri he loved her was so sweet

I soaked up every single scrap of Huskerdust I could within those last two episodes they own my soul and I’m so excited to see more of them in season 2

So it looks like Vox thinks Alastor is missing again which is why he’s plotting with the other Vees, but Alastor showed back up at the hotel during repairs so that might not last long

Alastor’s fight with Adam was so good holy shit omfg plz give me more of Alastor’s powers that shield was so cool and his verse in that final song gave me chills like, oh my god he was so mad and I’m here for it

And Lucifer showing up and telling Charlie she changed his heart and mind about the sinners? He is so precious plz protect this duck loving man at all costs

Charlie and Vaggie’s More Than Anything Reprise? Please I am sobbing they love each other so much it hurts

To top it all off- Alastor having beef with literally everyone will never not be funny. Fucking Susan? Are you kidding me. I was laughing so hard. Rosie seems like she deals with Susan a lot and Alastor calling her an Ornery Bitch was so fucking funny for no reason.

Everyone has beef with Susan now.

There is so much I have to say about this show and I could literally talk about it for years but for now I will be repeatedly listening to the soundtrack and impatiently waiting for season 2 because I no longer have the will to live after I sobbed on my bedroom floor over this show. VIVIENNE I AM IN YOUR WALLS-

[tiny-planet-13]

ouhg I'm actually like,,, can't even describe what the new aftg content has done for me like the amount of fucking fandom discourse that has been cleared up from just a few pages is insane actually

esp about Aaron like that whole chapter was SO FUN to read in like a painful way but like argh yes defend your woman please and call out Andrews hypocrisy don't mind me I'm sat in the corner with my popcorn (also just like the 'im not homophobic I just hate nicky' real asf of him) (it's interesting to see all the anti-aaron people switch up so quickly 🤡)

and the fucking bee chapter DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED I am so so so so pleased we get to see Andrew in probably the most human light possible by someone that truly understands him oh my god. like ofc Neil gets him but our beloved little exy freak is also massively unhinged and so any perception he has of anyone is probably always slightly off-kilter and to see Betsy like genuinely caring for Andrew and telling him shes proud (😭😭😭😭) and her checking him every time his sh tendencies are getting too strong AND HE LISTENS TO HER AND FOLLOWS HER ADVICE like actually don't talk to me I'm going to be curled up in a corner crying today holy shit

also Nora cooked so fucking hard with that monster and whip line like shakespeare was probably giggling in his grave as she wrote that down

[mochinomnoms]

I cant stop thinking about ptm Yuus first time with Jade, and Yuu not being able to handle just how loving jade is.

WHAT HAVE YOU UDONE TO ME..

Jades thoughts already are so unhinged, either you have to endure repeats of “i loveyou youyouyouyou i love you so much my pretty pearl aaaahfjfjsl” or “i need to bend them over RIGHT NOW!! LEMME SWALLOW YOUR MOANS UP MY DEAR PEARL PLEASE IM BEGGING JUST ONE CRUMB OF ATTENTION”

Yuu probably just assumes his thoughts would be relatively the same as theyre stripped bare, lying on their back on jades bed, after they’ve (FINALLY) confessed their feelings and shit, but what yuu doesnt expect is just how.. incredibly soft and loving his thoughts are rn??

Hear me out: his thoughts are so FUCKING loud whenever hes in the same damn room as yuu. It doesnt matter if yuu is at the lecture hall, the cafeteria, or even the library. The daydreams and love bombs, the cooing, the “LOOK THIS WAY PLSPLS PRETTY PEARLLL” practically DEMAND your attention!! I mean jade just (sadly) overpowers every other thought the people near you have, but usually yuu can just push back those thoughts after slamming their head on the walls shaking and crying.

Now that you’re both finally alone (jade rejoices) its oddly quiet.. to yuus surprise jades thoughts have quieted down., almost hazy in a way as you just hear echoes of “my pearl is just so gorgeous .. is this really happening?”

“Oh sea witch they have a birthmark right there? Placed so perfectly i could just eat you right up youre so cuteettee”

“i love you, my dear. Im so lucky to have you”….and yuu just??? At this point they cant even differentiate whats coming out of jades mouth or not. It the best mix if “omfg am i high rn??” and pure bliss.

They might get overwhelmed to the point of tears because no way.. you really love me this much holy shit and also.. i cant believe i actually fell in love with you even though i tried so hard not to..and just.. THESE TWO MAKE ME SOFT OKAY??

just wanted to share my thoughts!! because god i just know jade would just non stop praise yuu over and over again whilst yuu is trying not to combust from how red their face is

BTWW I cannot thank you enough for your amazing work😭❤️ i love youre writing so much its sl silly and also touching at the same time <3

No no no no anon you're so right, I'm so glad you see it cause that's the whole thing with Jade and Yuu in PTM. Jade's so unhinged and full of yearning for Yuu that it makes him a lil more insane in the head. It's like when someone fantasizes about what they would do if they hypothetically won the lottery and then actually have to figure out what they'll do with the money.

[am0ralexis]

Falling in Love Slowly at 3AM (fluff) 🩷

You met Alex the way most people met online in 2018—through mutual chaos.

It was a Twitter thread about Toontown, of all things. Some dumb meme about how Cogs were the IRS and Toons were the resistance. He replied with something completely unhinged, and for whatever reason, you followed him back.

It was never supposed to be serious. Just someone to laugh with. Someone who understood being a little too online at 2 a.m. But the thing about Alex was—he was always around. And so were you.

And somehow, it just stuck.

The first call was for Toontown.

“DUDE. DUDE. Get on. I need backup for a four-story Cog building and everyone else bailed.”

You didn’t even know how he had your Discord, but you answered anyway.

“Are you really trying to do a boss battle at 1:40 in the morning?”

“Yes. I am committed to the bit.”

That night turned into three hours of gameplay, chaotic screaming, and gasping laughter when Alex misspelled his own Toon name and ended up running around as “Quacktiy��� for the next hour and a half.

It was stupid. And fun. And easy.

You started playing more after that. Toontown, Club Penguin private servers, scribble.io, weird browser horror games that barely functioned. It wasn’t about the games. It was about the calls. The back-and-forth. The “holy shit I’m actually wheezing” kind of laughter. The random midnight messages:

Alex: “I can’t sleep so I’m watching conspiracy videos about Chuck E. Cheese animatronics. Want the link.”

You: “I’m in bed.”

Alex: “Coward.”

You: “Send it.”

He was all energy and sharp jokes when he was awake, but some nights he got quieter. Softer. You’d both be on a call, not even playing anything, just existing in the background of each other’s lives.

“Hey,” he’d say sometimes, voice scratchy and low from too many hours online, “you doing okay?”

And if you said no—he never tried to fix it. He just stayed.

“You wanna call again tomorrow?”

“Yeah. If you’re free.”

“I’m always free for you.”

You didn’t talk about that part. The part where “friend” didn’t quite feel like the right word anymore. Not yet.

It was slow.

So slow you almost didn’t notice the way his voice made you feel safe. The way your chest warmed when you saw his name pop up. The way he sent you music at 3 a.m. and said “this feels like something you’d cry to but in a good way.”

You started looking forward to the quiet calls more than anything else.

Sometimes he’d be half-asleep, mumbling nonsense into the mic.

“You ever think we’re like… weirdly good at this? Like the friend thing.”

“We spend five hours a day on Toontown together, Lex.”

“I know, but like. You get me. That’s not normal.”

He never said what that meant. You didn’t ask.

You just stayed in the call. Because some people were loud in your life for a moment, but Alex? He crept in through the cracks and made a home out of the spaces no one else saw.

He was your 3 a.m. comfort person.

And if you were honest?

You were pretty sure you were his, too.

————-

It was 3:12 a.m. when your phone buzzed.

Not a text.

A call.

Lex.

You blinked blearily at the screen, already halfway under your blanket, but your stomach dropped at the timing. He didn’t usually call this late. Not unless it was serious.

You answered immediately.

“Lex?”

He didn’t say anything at first.

Just breathing.

You sat up straighter. “Lex, hey. What’s wrong?”

There was a pause, then his voice—quiet. Cracked.

“Sorry. I didn’t know who else to call.”

Your chest tightened. “It’s okay. You can always call me.”

Another pause. Then:

“My dad threw my fucking Switch out the window.”

You blinked. “Wait—what?”

“I was just playing,” he said, voice rising and breaking all at once. “Literally just playing and laughing and being loud and he said I was annoying and I didn’t listen so he grabbed it and—threw it. Out. The fucking. Window.”

You could hear him swallow hard on the other end.

“I went outside after and it was just in pieces on the sidewalk,” he said, voice trembling. “And like—I know it’s stupid. I know it’s just a console but it was mine. It was the only thing that like—made shit feel normal sometimes.”

You sat in stunned silence, heart aching.

“It’s not stupid,” you whispered. “Lex, it’s not stupid at all.”

He exhaled shakily, and your gut twisted at the sound.

“I just—today sucked, okay? I don’t wanna be annoying, but like…” He sniffled quietly. “This girl I liked laughed when I told her. Like full-on laughed. Then told me she liked someone else. Like I was a fucking joke.”

You pressed a hand to your chest.

“And my brother keeps coming in my room being loud and touching my shit, and my sister’s barely home anymore ‘cause she’s got work or her boyfriend or whatever, and I just—I don’t know.”

You heard him go quiet again.

Then, soft as you’ve ever heard him:

“I think I’m just kinda lonely right now.”

You closed your eyes.

And because there wasn’t a single thing you could do from across the screen except be there, you whispered back the one truth you had:

“You’re not alone right now.”

Another pause.

Then his voice—barely there:

“…Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you said. “You have me. Always.”

He didn’t say anything.

But he didn’t hang up, either.

The call stayed open. You stayed awake.

And that night, you just listened—through all the quiet breathing and the pauses and the way he kept randomly mumbling about stupid little things like Toontown bosses and creepy videos he’d never get to show you now.

You stayed.

Because you knew what he didn’t know how to ask for.

Because that night? You were home.

The call had gone quiet.

Not in a bad way—just that still, heavy kind of silence where everything’s been said and now it’s just… there. His breathing was steady, soft in your ear, but he hadn’t spoken for a while.

You didn’t want to push.

But you also couldn’t just sit there listening to him feel like that.

So you went scrolling—through your saved videos, through old Twitter likes, until you found something completely fucking stupid: a clip of some guy screaming “I LIVE IN SPANISH HARLEM BABY” while trying to grind a shopping cart down a rail and absolutely eating shit.

You grinned to yourself.

You clicked Share.

To: Lex

Caption: “this is literally you when you try to stream at 4am and knock your mic over”

Your phone buzzed.

“Did you just send me something?” he mumbled, voice still hoarse.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “Just watch it.”

You waited.

There was a moment of silence as the video played.

Then—

“…What the fuck—”

And then it came.

That broken, wet, startled kind of laugh. The one that starts as a snort and dissolves into a full-on laugh-cry, like his body didn’t know whether to fall apart or hold it in. Like it hurt, but it felt good.

“Dude,” he sniffled between laughs. “What the fuck was that—”

“Tell me that’s not you, though.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

He was quiet for a second.

Then softly—so softly—

“No. I don’t.”

Another pause. Then, even quieter:

“Thanks.”

You didn’t say “for what.” You didn’t have to.

You just whispered, “Always,” and sat there, listening to the sound of his breath even out again.

After the video broke the silence, everything felt a little lighter.

Still heavy, yeah—but not crushing anymore.

You could hear it in the way he laughed. The way he cleared his throat after, like he was embarrassed for even making a sound that real. The way he quietly asked, “You got more?” like he didn’t want to risk breaking the spell.

You smiled. “Oh, do I.”

That night turned into a spiral of the stupidest, most cursed content you could find. Creepy PSAs that devolved into nonsense. Web cartoons with MS Paint animation and deranged voiceovers. A 2008-era Flash game with sentient salad. Half of it didn’t even make sense.

But that was the point.

He started talking more again. Laughing more, too. At one point he was literally crying from laughter at a video of a seagull getting hit in the face with a hotdog bun while a woman screamed in the background.

“Why does that feel personal?” he wheezed. “That’s like—me. That’s me as a bird.”

“Because you’re loud and dramatic and you’d absolutely start a fight in a Wendy’s parking lot.”

“You get me.”

You played a browser game together after that—something glitchy and chaotic where you had to avoid falling into holes while also throwing cheese at cartoon rats. You both sucked at it. You died within the first two minutes every time.

But he laughed. A lot.

And that meant everything.

It was sometime around 4:47 a.m. when you noticed the silence again—but this time, it was different.

You looked at your phone.

Still connected.

Still in call.

“Lex?” you whispered.

Nothing. Just soft breathing. Maybe a quiet sigh.

You waited a minute. Two.

He was asleep.

You didn’t hang up.

You pulled your blanket around your shoulders, dimmed your screen, and laid back down, still listening to the steady rise and fall of his breath through the mic. The little background noises. The comfort of just knowing he wasn’t alone anymore, even if he didn’t know you were still there.

“Goodnight, Lex,” you whispered.

And you stayed.

Like always.

——————-

It was almost 10 p.m. your time when your phone lit up with a Discord call. No warning, no message.

Just Lex is calling.

You blinked at the screen from where you were curled up in bed, hair in a bun, laptop halfway into an old comfort rewatch.

You smiled and answered.

“Hey—”

“Dude, I have the whole house to myself right now,” he said immediately, voice a little too loud and a lot excited. “They all left. They went out to dinner or some shit and I stayed behind and now I’m just here. Alone. With my own space. I’m basically an adult now.”

You laughed. “Oh wow. A king in his castle.”

“Literally!” he said. You could practically hear him grinning. “I’m drinking a Capri Sun and I just walked around in a towel for like fifteen minutes. I’m living the fucking dream.”

“Proud of you,” you said, giggling. “What are you gonna do with your freedom? Trash the place? Make an unhinged tweet? Run around shirtless listening to aggressive dubstep?”

“…Okay first of all, rude, that’s a Tuesday. But no. I actually wanted to show you something.”

There was a little shuffling on his end. He set the phone down, and you heard his voice come through a little distant. “Okay so like. Don’t make fun of me. But I’ve been learning this song on piano and it kinda reminds me of you.”

Your breath caught. “You play piano?”

“Not well,” he said quickly. “Just messing around. But I dunno. I played it earlier when everyone left and I was like, ‘I kinda wanna play this for her.’ So. Sit tight.”

You heard the creak of the bench. The sound of him settling in.

Then: the first few notes. Soft. A little uneven. But real.

You weren’t sure what the song was—something wistful and gentle, like the end of a rainy day. The kind of thing that made your chest ache in a quiet way. It wasn’t perfect, but it was him. You could hear it in the way he played. Like he was trying to say something without saying it.

It only lasted about a minute before he stopped and let out a breathy laugh.

“That was so cringe. I don’t even know why I did that—”

“No,” you cut in quickly. “That was really sweet.”

“…Yeah?”

“Yeah. I loved it.”

You could hear him smiling through the mic.

And even though there were thousands of miles and a two-hour time difference between you, it felt—for a second—like he was right there. In the same room. Sitting beside you on the floor, shy and proud, trying to impress you without saying he was trying to impress you.

“So,” he said, a little quieter now. “Wanna stay on the call while I fuck around with this? I can play you cursed versions of pop songs next.”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

“Perfect,” he said. “Let me just grab another Capri Sun and then I’ll play you the worst version of Bohemian Rhapsody you’ve ever heard.”

And you stayed on the line, smiling at your screen in the dark, listening to him mess up piano notes and yell at his cat—and thinking God, I really like this boy.

——————-

The next afternoon, you were on Discord again—this time with cameras on.

Alex was laid out across his bed in a hoodie, one leg flopped off the edge, hair a mess, the glow of his laptop casting a blue halo across his face. You were in your own room, still in pajama pants, sipping a drink and teasing him while he messed around with some dumb horror filter that made his eyes glow red on camera.

“So if I die, it’s because you summoned something with that cursed TikTok audio,” you said.

“Nah, if you die it’s ‘cause you keep watching true crime videos alone at night and then walking around your house like you’re not about to get haunted.”

“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t haunt you too.”

“I’d let you,” he said without missing a beat. “I’d be like, ‘yep, that’s my ghost girlfriend. She throws shit at me and critiques my tweets.’”

You rolled your eyes, hiding your grin with your sleeve.

That’s when you heard it—muffled footsteps, a knock, and then a familiar voice from just offscreen.

“¿Mijo? ¿Estás hablando con una muchacha?”

Alex froze.

Eyes wide. Face flushing immediately.

His head whipped toward the door like he’d just been caught doing something illegal. “Mamá—¡espérate! Estoy—es—¡es mi amiga!”

Your smile exploded. “Oh my God.”

He turned back to the camera, looking like he was begging you not to say a word.

“Do not start,” he whispered, eyes wild.

Too late.

You were already wheezing. “Estás hablando con una muchacha, Lex??”

“Stop! She’s gonna get ideas.”

From the hallway, you could hear her again.

“Dile que la quiero conocer. Se oye linda.”

(“Tell her I want to meet her. She sounds sweet.”)

“MAMÁ.”

You were dying.

His mom poked her head in the room just enough to wave—smiling wide, clearly thrilled. You waved back, half laughing, half wanting to hide behind your laptop.

“¡Hola!” she said cheerfully.

“Hi!” you called back, grinning.

Alex covered his face with both hands. “This is the worst day of my life.”

“Aw, she’s so cute,” you teased. “I love her already.”

“She’s gonna start asking if we’re dating next and I’m gonna have to move to a different country.”

“Are we dating?” you said, just to watch him panic.

He choked.

“NO—well—I mean—we’re not—I mean, unless you—oh my God—”

You were laughing so hard you nearly dropped your phone.

His mom walked away with a satisfied little, “Muy bonita, mijo,” and he groaned dramatically, flopping backward across the bed.

“I’m never showing my face again,” he mumbled into his pillow. “I’m gonna turn into a PNG tuber or something. This is my villain origin story.”

You just smiled.

Because even with his face red, his hair a mess, and a mom who couldn’t stop stirring the pot, he was still the softest, most endearing thing you’d ever known.

And you were starting to think he might be your favorite person in the world.

It was late again—your usual time.

The call came in while you were brushing your hair in bed, your phone buzzing softly against your thigh.

Lex is calling.

You answered with a grin already tugging at your mouth.

“Hey, loser.”

“No hello, no ‘how are you’?” he huffed. “This is why our future marriage is doomed.”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh God, not this again.”

There was a pause. Then—

“So my mom wants to know the colors for our wedding.”

You choked.

“What?”

“I’m serious,” he said, and you could hear the grin in his voice. “She was like, ‘What are your colors? You should coordinate with her.’ Like we’ve already set a date and everything.”

You burst out laughing. “You’re joking.”

“I’m so fucking serious,” he groaned dramatically, but when your screen lit up and you saw his face on the other end of the call—his hair still messy from the day, hoodie strings pulled unevenly, that soft, sleepy look in his eyes—you realized he was smiling.

Like, genuinely.

“Lex,” you giggled, “what did you say to her?”

“I panicked and said purple and silver.”

You gasped. “That’s actually so cute, what the hell.”

“I KNOW!” he shouted. “I nailed it by accident!”

You laughed until you couldn’t breathe, while he watched you through the screen, shaking his head and grinning like he’d just won something.

And when the laughter died down, there was a pause—one of those quiet ones that always felt heavier than it should.

“So…” you said softly. “Are you proposing or just pre-planning?”

He bit his lip and tilted his head.

“I dunno,” he said. “You wanna elope in Toontown?”

You smiled.

And your heart ached in that warm, terrifying, wonderful way that only Alex made it ache.

——————-

It was 2:41 a.m. when your phone buzzed. Not a text.

A call.

Lex is calling.

Your stomach dropped.

You didn’t hesitate.

“Lex?” you answered, voice rough with sleep. “What’s—”

But he was already breathing hard.

Shaky. Uneven.

You heard it in his voice the moment he spoke—

“Can I—can I just stay on with you for a bit?”

That was all he said at first.

Just that.

You sat up instantly, pulling your blanket tighter around you, heart racing. “Yeah. Of course. I’m here. What happened?”

Silence.

A sniff. Then—

“I didn’t wanna call you like this,” he whispered. “But I didn’t know where else to go.”

You pressed the phone closer to your ear. “Lex… talk to me.”

“My parents were fighting,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “Bad. Like—yelling. And I don’t even know what it was about. I was just in my room and then shit was breaking and someone slammed a door and my sister started crying and I just—I didn’t know what to do.”

You stayed quiet. Let him say it.

“And I don’t wanna get in the middle of it again. I always try to calm it down and it doesn’t matter. They just keep going. And I feel so—fucking useless.”

Your chest hurt.

“Then my mom said something like—like this is why we’re falling apart and my name got thrown in there and I just—I just left the room.”

Another pause.

“I’m in the backyard now. Sitting on the steps. It’s cold as fuck and I don’t even care. I just didn’t wanna be inside.”

You swallowed. Voice soft. “Do you want me to talk or just stay on?”

“…Stay.”

So you did.

You stayed there in the dark, phone warm against your cheek, breathing with him. Whispering little things here and there to remind him he wasn’t alone.

“I wish I could be there,” you said once.

“I know,” he murmured. “Me too.”

And after a while—when the breathing evened out and the silence turned gentle instead of heavy—he spoke again. So soft you almost missed it.

“…I knew you’d pick up.”

You blinked back tears.

“Always, Lex.”

You’d both fallen asleep on the call.

His breathing had steadied sometime after 4 a.m., and yours followed not long after—phone still warm against your ear, the sound of his voice like a lifeline lulling you both into unconsciousness.

When you woke up, the call timer read 7 hours, 19 minutes.

You didn’t hang up. You just smiled and whispered, “Good morning,” even though you knew he was still asleep.

You didn’t hear from him for a few hours after that.

Not until the call came in again around noon—sharp, frantic, not like last night.

You answered instantly. “Lex?”

“I’m gonna lose my fucking mind,” he said, voice high, tight, panicking. “I’m literally gonna lose it.”

“Hey, hey—slow down,” you said, sitting up. “What happened?”

He didn’t slow down.

“My dad—he came into my room yelling at me like out of nowhere, saying I’m ‘wasting my time’ and I’m ‘too attached’ to someone I’ve never even met and that I’m not allowed to talk to you anymore.”

“What?”

“He said if I don’t stop—if I don’t block you and delete Discord or whatever—he’s gonna shut off the Wi-Fi entirely. Like completely. Like, no internet at all.”

Your chest twisted. “Lex—what the hell—what brought that on?”

“I don’t know!” he snapped, but not at you. Never at you. “It’s not like I’m doing drugs or sneaking out or—God, I’m just talking to someone who actually fucking cares about me, and that’s somehow the problem?”

“Breathe,” you said gently. “Lex, just breathe.”

He was quiet for a second—just long enough for you to hear the crack in his voice when he said—

“I don’t wanna lose you.”

Your eyes burned.

“You’re not going to.”

“He thinks just because he pays the bills he gets to decide who matters to me,” Lex said, voice shaking. “Like—fuck that. I’m eighteen. I’m an adult. What if I just—what if I left?”

“Lex—”

“I’m serious,” he said. “What if I just got on a bus or something? What if I came to Massachusetts? I’d figure it out. I’d sleep on your floor. I’d get a job. I don’t even care if I have to wash dishes or work at, like, a shitty corner store. I’d be there. With you.”

You blinked, heart hammering.

“Lex…”

“I’m not saying it to be romantic or dramatic or whatever,” he said, rushing now. “I’m saying it because I can’t keep doing this. Pretending like I’m okay here when the only thing that actually makes me feel like a real person is you.”

You didn’t know what to say.

So you said the only thing that mattered.

“I’d let you.”

That stopped him.

“Yeah?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” you said softly. “I’d let you stay. I’d let you figure it out here. You’d have me. That’s enough.”

He was quiet for a long time.

Then he laughed—really laughed. A little broken. A little relieved.

“God,” he said, “you’re gonna make me do it.”

Later that night, after hours of spiraling and half-joking about busing himself across the country, Lex went quiet on Discord for about 20 minutes.

You figured he needed a break, or maybe dinner.

But then your phone buzzed.

Lex: “DUDE.”

Lex: “DUDE HOLY SHIT.”

Lex: “Call me. Now. You’re not gonna believe this.”

You answered, laughing. “What, did another seagull get smacked by a bagel?”

“No,” he said, out of breath. “Worse. Better. I don’t know. I just checked my Twitch and YouTube payout dashboards for the first time in, like, forever, and—dude. I have so much money.”

You sat up. “How much is so much?”

“I don’t even wanna say it out loud because it feels fake,” he said. “Like I thought it was all gonna be, like, pennies and change, right? But apparently I’ve just been letting ad revenue stack, and Twitch subs? Dude. I have thousands.”

“Thousands?”

“Like. More than enough for a plane ticket,” he said. “More than enough to make this not some ‘teenage runaway’ bullshit. I could—I could actually go.”

Your heart started racing.

“You’re serious.”

“I’m so serious,” he said. “Like I could pack my stuff, make up some story about visiting friends, book a one-way ticket, and be there in like—two days.”

“Lex…”

“I’m not saying I’m doing it tonight or anything,” he said quickly, like he could hear your breath catch. “But I’m saying it’s not impossible. It’s not just a fantasy anymore.”

You were quiet.

He was quiet.

And then, softer:

“You really wouldn’t mind if I showed up?”

You didn’t hesitate.

“I’d be at the airport with a sign,” you said. “And snacks. And probably crying.”

He let out a breathy laugh, quieter this time. More real.

“I feel like this whole time I’ve been sitting here thinking I’m stuck,” he murmured. “Like my life’s not mine yet. But then I talk to you, and it’s like… I could have something else. Something better.”

You swallowed hard.

“I want that for you,” you said. “Even if it’s scary. Even if it’s messy. I just… I want you to be okay.”

He didn’t answer right away.

Then, in a voice so low it was almost a secret:

“I think okay is you.”

——————-

He called you right after.

His voice was tight. Off. You could hear it in the way he breathed before even saying your name.

“Hey,” he muttered, “so… my sister found out.”

You sat up straighter. “What happened?”

“She was borrowing my laptop,” he said, “and she saw the tab open with flights to Boston and, like, Discord open with our chat. I didn’t close it. I wasn’t even thinking.”

“Oh no…”

“She freaked out,” he said, voice strained. “Like, full-on what the fuck is wrong with you freaked out. I thought she was gonna cry.”

You didn’t know what to say. So you waited.

“She was like, ‘You can’t just up and fly to Massachusetts, Alexis. To meet some girl you met on the internet. Are you insane? You’re gonna end up on fucking Dateline.’”

You winced. “Shit.”

“I tried to explain. I tried, dude. I told her it wasn’t like that. That I’ve known you for years now, that it’s not some creepy scam. But she just kept saying I don’t know you.”

He went quiet for a second. Then, low and hoarse:

“And I told her you’re like… the main thing I have.”

Your breath caught.

“She just stood there, staring at me, and then she said, ‘Mom and Dad will lose their shit, even worse than they are now. Do you really wanna light it all on fire?’ And I—fuck, I didn’t know what to say.”

He sounded small now. Not broken. Just tired. Cornered.

You wanted to crawl through the screen and pull him out of that house yourself.

“I get it,” he whispered. “She’s scared. I don’t blame her. I would be that news story, right? But it’s like… it’s like no one wants to believe this could be good. That you could be real. That something in my life could finally make sense.”

You wiped your eyes with your sleeve.

“You’re real to me,” you whispered.

“I know,” he said. “That’s the worst part. You’re the most real thing I’ve got.”

You were quiet for a long time after that—just sitting with the weight of it. With everything he wasn’t allowed to want.

Then, barely audible:

“I’m not giving up on it,” he said. “Even if I can’t leave yet. I’m not giving up on you.”

It had been a few days since the blowup.

You hadn’t asked much—just gave Lex space, stayed on call with him when he needed it, sent him cursed videos to make him laugh when he looked tired, and answered every late-night “you up?” without hesitation.

But you could feel something shifting.

And then one night, just past midnight, he called you again.

“Hey,” he said, breathless and weirdly giddy. “Guess what?”

You smiled at your screen. “You finally beat me at Toontown trivia?”

“Okay, rude, but no. My sister talked to my parents.”

You sat up straighter. “Wait, what?”

“She told them about you,” he said. “Like—not in a ‘Lex is throwing his life away’ way. She said you’re good for me. That you’re the calm when everything else is loud. And that I’m better—happier—when I’m talking to you.”

Your breath caught.

“And?” you asked carefully.

He exhaled a laugh. “My dad backed off.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Lex said, sounding stunned even now. “I mean, he’s still doing his classic grumbly disapproval face or whatever, but he didn’t yell. He didn’t take the internet. He just said—‘Alright. Just don’t be dumb about it.’”

You blinked. “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

You covered your face with your hands and laughed—relieved and dizzy with how easy it suddenly felt.

“Lex, that’s huge.”

“I know,” he said. “And I didn’t even have to fake my own death or move to a second location.”

You snorted.

There was a beat of silence after that, but not an awkward one—just a warm one.

And then, softer:

“I want you to know something.”

You sat up again. “What?”

“I’m getting more views lately,” he said. “Like, a lot more. My YouTube’s picking up. Twitch is actually taking off. I had a stream hit over a thousand viewers today and it freaked me out in the best way.”

“Lex, that’s amazing.”

“I know,” he said, and his voice went a little quieter. “And I’m really starting to feel like… this might become something. Like I might actually be able to do this. Like, for real. And when it does—when it keeps growing—I just…”

He trailed off, then tried again.

“I want you there. All the way through it. Not as a side character. Not as some background person I knew before shit got crazy. I want you with me.”

You swallowed hard.

“Are you asking me to be, like… your girlfriend?”

“I’m asking you to be my person,” he said, soft and sure and a little breathless. “My always. Because you already are.”

You didn’t even realize you were crying until you wiped your cheek with your sleeve.

“Okay,” you whispered. “I’m in. I’ve been in.”

He smiled.

You didn’t have to see it—you felt it.

——————-

By the time his channel passed 100k, it didn’t even surprise you anymore.

You saw it happening before he did. The way his voice shifted when he streamed, how his jokes got sharper, how his edits got cleaner. The sudden flood of new followers, the TikToks people made using his audio. He was blowing up—and you were there for every second of it.

But what made you smile most?

He still called you for the dumb shit.

Alex: “BABE. Did you see this fucking comment?”

You: “Which one?”

Alex: “The one that says I look like if an emo pigeon had Wi-Fi access.”

You wheezed. “Honestly kind of flattering.”

“Thank you. Finally, someone gets it.”

You’d be curled up on your bed while he paced his room with the camera off, dramatically reading you hate comments in weird accents, sending you screenshots of DMs like “what do I even SAY to this person??” and immediately texting “nvm I blocked them lol.”

Sometimes he called just to vent.

“Dude, this creator with like 2 million subs just emailed me asking for a collab and I don’t even know what to say—like do I sound chill? Do I send an emoji? Should I not send an emoji??”

“Lex. Breathe. You’re allowed to sound excited. You’re not a brand, you’re a person.”

“But what if I sound like a loser?”

“You are a loser. But you’re my loser. So go be a lovable little gremlin in their inbox.”

“Holy shit, I love you.”

You’d talk through all of it. The stress. The weird brand deals. The friends who stopped talking to him because he was “too busy.” The ones who only started talking because they saw him getting big.

You were there through it all.

Not just the noise—but the quiet parts too.

The calls where he sounded small and unsure. The ones where he said, “I don’t know if I can handle this,” and you just stayed. Reminded him of who he was before all of it. Of the kid in the hoodie playing Toontown at 3 a.m., and how proud you were of him then, before the clout, before the chaos.

And when he called—nervous and overwhelmed and aching from how big things were getting—you answered every time.

“Lex,” you’d say, “you don’t have to be ready for everything. Just let me be ready with you.”

And that? That was everything to him.

[hellostarposts]

Episode 41 - Too Deep

Season 2 time baby!!!

Jon why are you exploring the tunnels alone

I don’t think that Martin would actually do that to him

Jon really should’ve stayed on leave longer. But the tunnels were calling his name

Martin only cares for your well being

Nah dude it’s your boss watching you. Yes I did get the Elias being a creep spoilers. 

Jon you are hella traumatized 

Oh Elias did notice but he doesn’t care

WHY ARE YOU GOING INTO THEM DURING THE NIGHT

Jon, you are going to get the Sasha treatment. Stop being a dumb bitch

Who lubed up the hinges?

Yes I’ve heard that silence. Leaving the club. 

I can’t realistically call these tunnels a pocket dimension. Because too many people have seen the tunnels. Also, for the others I doubt that the entrance would stay the same. 

The cops are in on it! Jon is never going to be near those tapes

Rookie mistake not writing down the time

Dude don’t compare the dead worms to sausage casings

“I’m not stupid” says the very injured man exploring tunnels

I bet Jon is bringing chalk trail spray next time

Worm Summoning Circle!!

Wait, the circle was on the wall?

Warped stone inside the worm circle

Oooo someone else visited the worm circle

Jon is having a panic attack

JON YOU DUMB SLUT

HE BROUGHT CHALK!!!!

Mans is going on an expedition with what he packed

The poor cashier checking Jon out on that shopping trip

Oh making the arrows point the way he came is somewhat smart

At least this dumb slut learns from his mistakes

Millbank prison if back

THE PANOPTICON

I am a fucking history major. How did I not remember millbank prison. 

Because the panopticon idea was lowkey dumb in practice. Psychological torture some might say. 

I had to go back a bit because of the panopticon feelings.

Robert Smirk, is back.

OH DAMN, me saying psychological torture was not supposed to be a guess as to what Robert was going to do to the prison.

But to be fair, his additions made it so far removed from the original panopticon idea that it is now his original theory. Obviously, this is some kind of ploy in order to get the inmates easily down into the tunnels. For what purpose we do not know, but wow do I have material to work with now.

Unpausing it now.

Closed in 1890. Are we really surprised by the old prison having secret tunnels? Like really.

Ooo winchester mystery house staircase.

That curvy chalk arrow has way more horror vibes to it than I would’ve thought. Like either it adds to the whole Gertrude Robinson mystery. OR the tunnels are actually a dimension and its trying to get Jon lost. But most likely, it is just some entity in the tunnels (which are very real) who is trying to confuse Jon. Either way, Jon is going to become a cave dweller.

Oh wow Jon, you’re stubborn? Had no clue.

For funsies, it’s Elias running around barefoot with chalk.

Okay, at least people are still drinking in the tunnels. Likely was used for smuggling alcohol.

HMMMM tunnels are changing.

I still don’t want to say that its a pocket dimension. 

WAIT I AM COOKING

Oh good, Jon is at least smart enough to not go back into the tunnels after that incident.

I dOnT CAre abOUt tHe TuNnELS says the obsessive idiot. He deserves the dunce hat for this one.

The fucking paranoia tape recorder.

Are we getting meta up in this shit?

Jon is going to end up having Martin force him into a grippy sock vacation. Mans is already unhinged and not in a good way. 

What a way to start off season 2! So obviously we are going to be way more focused on Jon’s investigation and subsequent spiral into paranoia and insanity. While I do have preemptive empathy for what he is about to go through (pretty self induced). It will not prevent me from calling him stupid because holy shit is he being dumb. Taking the whole “curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back” way too literally. I did see something about stalking, which I’m not excited about but it would be pretty essential to Jon going insane.

Onto my feelings about the panopticon reference. If the history references keep coming I won’t complain. Normally I find the panopticon theory to be pretty lame when used in the media. Mostly because while it was supposed to encourage rehabilitation of the prisoners, it was more about making them too scared to break the rules not actually changing. It’s purely based on control and fear. In practice it was proven to not be possible, solely because of the physical limitations of life. However, the twist that Smirk changed it to be more convoluted and changed the premise into darkness and isolation. Chef’s Kiss. Crank up the psychological horror of this theory. Honestly, being in complete darkness can also foster the whole “constantly being watched feeling just as much as no walls. It’s due to the paranoia that not being able to see at all will make you equally as fearful. 

Anyway, I strongly believe that the point of Smirks deviations from the original concept was to get prisoners into the tunnels. The prisoners were going to be shipped off to Australia anyway, therefore if they went missing no one would be searching for them. Additionally, due to the way that medieval Britain society worked with criminals. While they cared enough to not want them worked to death. They really didn’t care if they went missing, which makes the prisoners perfect targets for supernatural shenanigans. There’s two real ways that I can imagine this idea working out. The prisoners get lost in the tunnels without assistance. Or that they are being physically dragged down there. 

Now onto whatever these tunnels are. The main reason why I don’t want to call them a pocket dimension is because they are too permanent. So far, none of the other ones have been able to consistently be revisited like these tunnels. However, a way to satisfy both of these elements is to say that the tunnels are a pocket dimension but are also so old that it has become more permanent. Basically, it got so big that it became “real”. I can’t deny that it is not supernatural because of the way it is seemingly changing. But, Jon did describe how there are various different sections to the tunnels. Thus, I am led to believe that these tunnels are growing and their construction is somewhat based on the time period. Or it is based on whoever the “master” of this dimension is. Which adds to the idea that it’s very old.

My only other working theory is that the tunnels are real and were/are being used by a cult. But there is an entity who is now manipulating the tunnels. So no pocket dimension, just some supernatural being who is having fun.

All in all, I am so excited to be done with the worms and entering the psychological terror that is Jonathan Sims.

[sapphicides]

"#this may or may not be an invitation to send me asks about my unrequited!ship headcanons hehe"

jackienat and shaunahat and genlissa thoughts plz

i am so. SO happy you asked for these specific ships anon i have so many thoughts 🙏

jackienat:

starts pre-crash with nat crushing HARD on jackie. there are… problems to this, though, because obviously jackie is dating jeff, and she’s deeply codependent with shauna so nat can’t even get very close to her friendship-wise, AND she’s the team’s golden girl while nat is the team’s burnout. so nat kind of ends up thinking, “why would she ever wanna be with me?” and buries those feelings the best she can so as not to fuck up what friendship they do have

then there’s the wilderness. jackie is away from jeff, and she starts to spend more time with nat. the more time she spends with her, especially when she and shauna are drifting and she needs someone to hang out with, the more she starts to think, “shit. maybe i like nat.” only problem? now nat’s getting close with travis, leaving jackie to think back on how things were before the crash and wish she could’ve gotten closer with nat sooner. she doesn’t even realize nat liked her back then

when things get worse out there and nat ends their hunter, jackie totally admires the fuck out of her for that and kicks herself for screwing up with the gun. she definitely gets ridiculously jealous over travis getting to spend time with her on their hunts. and i mean… what if she knew about the whole flex thing and told travis hoping it would mess up his relationship with nat? and she only realizes what a terrible idea that was when it pushes nat away from her even more

i also LOVE the idea that jackie decided to have sex with travis because it was the closest she could get to nat, like an indirect kiss shared between them. jackie doesn’t actually care about if she dies a virgin or not, she just can’t stop thinking about nat and she needs to get it out of her system somehow

in the end, jackie dies and the feelings nat had for her back then come rushing back. she spends days stewing over the way that jackie died, her memories of her, and finally starts putting two and two together. she has a “holy shit” moment where she realizes that jackie might’ve liked her there for a minute. but she was too caught up with travis to notice, the same way jackie had been too caught up with jeff to notice her. in the end, jackie dies and nat misses her chance with her. in the end, they never got the timing right, only ever in love with each other when the other didn’t love them back

shaunahat:

i like to imagine that melissa had been pining over shauna for a long time, long before the crash even happened. melissa probably doesn’t even remember when exactly the crush on shauna started, just that one day it was there and it never really went away. and it’s not like she didn’t try to get close to her, but it’s the 90s and melissa is closeted and she doesn’t even know if shauna is gay— and there’s the jackie of it all, so it always felt like fighting a losing battle

in the wilderness, shauna is just as attached at the hip to jackie as she’s always been. melissa sees the tension they’re having and thinks maybe this is her chance, maybe she can be the shoulder shauna cries on. she eavesdrops on their arguments and makes mental note of all of shauna’s points so she can bring them up and agree with them later. she plans it out in her head, how she’s going to sheepishly approach shauna asking if she needs to talk, but every time, she gets too nervous and misses her chance. and then they have the argument, and she doesn’t even dare

melissa only gets more attracted to shauna the more crazy she gets. after jackie’s gone and lottie starts overstepping her boundaries, shauna comes completely unhinged and melissa can’t help but he silently obsessed with it. maybe she even eggs her on, making comments about how weird lottie is being about shauna’s baby while shauna is in earshot. she hopes shauna will take this as an invitation to talk to her, but she never does. because she’d rather to talk to jackie’s corpse instead. even in death, jackie takes shauna away from her

when they finally do get together, it’s still not quite everything melissa wants. melissa loves shauna— she has for a while—, she’s just too afraid to say it. she can hear the way that van and taissa talk about them, like she’s only a replacement for jackie, and no matter how she tries to bury that feeling, she can feel it radiating off of shauna. shauna drapes one of jackie’s old jackets around her shoulders before they kiss. she knows she’ll never love her as much as she loved jackie. but at least she’s paying attention to her like this

genlissa:

oh gen my sweet baby, she is way too obsessed with melissa for her own good. i like to think it started over the winter, when little cliques started forming within the group and they really only had each other for a while there. melissa’s funny, witty, and honestly, gen thinks she’s sweet. she just wishes that she could pry her eyes off of shauna and be sweet to her

when melissa starts actually hanging out with shauna, gen tries to thwart that friendship as fast as she can. she tries to invite melissa on hunts and get her away from the butcher’s table, but melissa has no interest. all she wants is shauna

she’s even more pissed when shauna and melissa actually get together. i imagine melissa treating gen like a friend, telling her first about the kiss before anyone else, not even realizing how awful it makes her feel. she listens to melissa rant about how much she likes shauna and then has to watch shauna treat her like nothing more than a stand-in for jackie. it makes her so… angry, because she doesn’t think shauna deserves her. she thinks melissa deserves someone who can actually love her, someone like gen

when melissa gets shot and shauna can’t even be bothered to stay with her, gen does it, instead. she sits with melissa and holds her while she cries— whether she’s crying over the pain or over shauna leaving, she doesn’t know. all she knows is that melissa needs her and she’s going to be there. melissa may not want her, but she needs her. that’s all that matters to gen. she’s going to fucking be there and show her what it’s like to have someone who loves her enough to stay. maybe it’ll even change her mind. she hopes it will

[mothmanssweetsucculentass]

Lmao what’s this? I’m back with more Creepypasta headcanons, this time for Eyeless Jack.

TW for the following: graphic descriptions of cannibalism/murder/gore, depictions of drug abuse, lacing food with sharp objects, body horror, and generally anything you’d expect from horror.

THERE ARE NO CENSORS BEYOND THIS POINT, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DISTRESS CAUSED BY MY WRITING.

Eyeless Jack Headcanons

He/they

Obviously no longer human

Still has a humanoid-ish body

“Died” around 2011, physically 22

Dark gray skin with a faint blue-ish tint

His blood is black. Like it’s basically oil or tar now. Moves much slower and is thicker than normal blood. He hasn’t checked but he’s pretty sure all his organs share the same color and viscosity now. Like that one breed of chicken with black organs y’know?

Long ears

Lots of sharp teeth. Practically a shark mouth

Y’know what, I like you. Gives your EJ a jaw that unhinges, a mouth that rips open, and a second jaw further back in his mouth (eel jaw EJ supremacy)

3+ long black tongues depending on his mood and how well fed they are

Because of the multiple mouth appendages he has a soft lisp and often accidentally bites his tongues since they move involuntarily

Eyes are constantly leaking the black sludge. Clothing/face/belongings are always sticky

Constantly salivating the same substance, just thinner/more liquidy

Wears a surgical mask under his regular mask to combat it

Very good sense of smell

Seriously he could smell a specific blood type in the middle of a massacre of a shit ton of bodies

Can’t swim

Reddish-brown wavy hair, forgets to cut it sometimes so he sometimes has a fluffy mullet

Claws that can’t retract

Wears a black trench coat and dark gray turtleneck when actually going out and doing shit, the black hoodie is lounge clothes

Has a tail!!!! Closest resemblance to a lion tail, but larger

Lots of catlike/animal like behaviors unconsciously. Will sit on any elevated surface

Purrs like holy fuck the first time someone hears him do it they freak out

Can also growl and hiss

Despite the animalistic behaviors and feral demeanor he isn’t above being civilized

Mostly calm. Gets the zoomies after eating tho

And by zoomies I mean he’s more excitable and extroverted for a little while

Has probably ran around the woods like a maniac at least once tho

Besides Nurse Ann, he’s the most medically competent of the pastas. People usually go to him for more major injuries or sicknesses

Despite his constant orifice leakage he tries to be as clean as possible

His lab is SPOTLESS

somehow figured out a way to dilute his face goop to clean it better. No one knows how he does it tho

Is still very much a nerd. Loves reading any kind of book he can get his hands on

Starts going blind if he doesn’t satiate his hunger for flesh and organs

If he goes blind before getting food, he’s able to use echolocation pretty damn well

Can also see thermal outlines of stuff if his vision starts going

Eyes aren’t reflective so it’s pretty funny when he’s gargoyling somewhere in the manor in pitch black and someone walks in and gets startled by him sitting there staring into the void

HOW are his footsteps so silent

Dude you’re 5”8 and have a stockier build how do you not make floorboards creek

Can eat normal food, but poses no nutritional value to him

Can halfway survive off raw animal meat in emergencies, but doesn’t give him enough energy for long

Only fully kills someone about once a month, the rest of the time he’s able to meticulously and stealthily steal a kidney from unsuspecting victims without incident

Not that he hates killing or anything like that, he’s just as violent as the rest of the freaks

But he HATES the feeling of losing control he often gets when he indulges the violent urges. So he holds himself back most of the time

Besides murder and organ harvesting he often goes out to steal medical supplies from houses and smaller town clinics

Remember him being a nerd? Likes to impress people with gross biology trivia. Most are about the human body but he knows a ton of animal facts too

“Did you know flies and roaches can still live without their heads” type shit

Can’t cook for shit. He’s not allowed in the kitchen period after one of his organ jars exploded in the fridge due to air pressure bs. Ruined all the food in there

Stores his organs in four different mini fridges in his room and lab

Kidneys give him the most energy but he enjoys flesh more than organs when it comes to taste

His favorite is cheek meat and anything involving the neck

Loves to burst the carotid artery and mess around with the blood like a sprinkler toy

Gives the bones of any corpse he fully consumes to Slender. Has no idea what he needs the bones for but never cares to ask

Friends/close with Ben, Helen, Liu, Ann, Masky, and Hoody

Has a tolerable relationship with Jeff, Kagekao, Slenderman, the Puppeteer, Jane, and Clockwork

Doesn’t get along with/hates LJ and Nina

Sally is TERRIFIED of him. Y’know cause little kids are scared of the doctor and whatnot. He tries his best to be as unintimidating as possible when around her but she still prefers Ann over him

HATES being called EJ. It’s a horrible nickname. What if he walked up to you and called you legless Larry after cutting off your legs?

Abrosexual

Loves loves loves LOVES doing dissections/vivisections. Has somehow been able to convince or bribe the other undead and non human mansion inhabitants to let him do a vivisection on them at least once.

Ben enjoyed it the most because he’s a freak like that

“And this is your heart” “gross……. can I poke it” “yeah ok”

Is unfortunately able to understand the corrupt scripts of [REDACTED] thanks to the ritual that took his eyes and life. Tries his best to ignore it.

Nightmare haver! Is too stubborn to go to someone like Ben or Slender to get them less frequently even though both could easily help him

Kind of an insomniac anyways but since his face is almost always covered no one notices the eye bags

Usually takes the top layer mask off around his friends, or if the other masked pastas take theirs off around them as a sign of mutual trust

Surgical mask on their face stays on constantly unless eating or doing anything privately

Has to keep the meds locked up because Ben, Masky, and Jeff have drug problems

“STOP trying to get high off Benadryl it’s not even allergy season anymore you don’t need it”

Not a “dad” character he just doesn’t like wasting resources like that

Doesn’t care about the actual habits JUST STOP STEALING HIS MEDS

LJ for some reason keeps stealing any of his used needles and scalpels. Jack’s best bet is he puts the sharp objects in candy. Gross.

He’s befriended Seedeater the same way a zookeeper befriends a large dangerous animal

Both have a mutual understanding Seed is NOT a pet

It hasn’t even let them pet or touch it

Does follow him closely like a dog whenever he walks through the forest for any reason

Jack has witnessed it take down and decapitate a bear with a single bite before

If he ever has leftovers or parts of corpses about to go bad that they can’t eat himself, they feed it to Seed

Has a small collection of the black fur and feathers that naturally shed from Seed’s body

Also collects other odd things like animal bones or human teeth

His favorite weird thing they’ve collected is a taxidermied axolotl stolen from a victim’s home

Is also super blunt

Not out of malice, he just has a very technical straightforward way of thinking

Always asks anyone for consent when doing anything physical like medical procedures or even just nudging someone out of the way if he’s trying to get somewhere

HATES being touched without their permission or knowledge

Will bite if provoked. Will bite as a warning too

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Bonus- Chapter 32

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Yes it is 8 am and yes I am eating chicken gnocchi soup for breakfast. I stand that soup is and always will be a breakfast food.

No hot drinks today! This wedding required a feast :'3

I can't believe this is it! The series finale if you will.

I have been waiting 32 chapters for this moment. at last!!!

This man (SQQ) has been sleeping with this other man for what- months(?) years(?) at this point and he is STILL over here totally bewildered at the fact that LBH does not want to marry a woman. p355

This is kind of sweet though. I'm so glad Cang Qiong Mountain sect has embraced these two absolute weirdos. I love that they can visit now! It warms my romantic heart that they can travel for a while and then come "home" for a time. p355

omg these two are so embarrassing. The way in which LBH is asking him to marry him is so awkward. p359

oh no, now I feel like an asshole because LBH was SO NERVOUS the days leading up to him asking. (granted totally fair with how SQQ acts towards him/about their relationship- I too would not know if he wanted to actually marry me or not in this situation). I just want to pinch LBH's cheeks though, why is he so cute. p360

aaaaaah- this is so cute. SQQ being actually happy about him asking instead of trying to gaslight himself and side step his feelings or "reluctantly" agreeing to marry LBH pp360-361

my heaaaaaaaart LBH's confession pp362-363

The fact that LBH had wedding outfits ready. I need to know two things; 1. where/how did he get them and 2. how long has he had them and had this planned. p363

I truly don't know if MXTX has written a tender sex scene. Why does it always have to be a little traumatic? Granted I have only read SVSSS and MDZS BUT both of these series have either uncomfortable (SVSSS) or just have freak4freak energy (MDZS-but I will take this over crying and bleeding) there's never something soft and lubed. I hope that TGCH has something (no spoilers pls) but my bar is so low. (okay but wangxian was fine for the most part- they just were also dry and mutually unhinged). pp366-367

NO LOL the wife-ing of SQQ. p370

Okay okay- the ending was so sweet. The little shy embarrassed SQQ calling Binghe husband and him pretending not to hear. My headcanon is that eventually over time SQQ feels less and less embarrassed, works through his internalized homophobia, and learns to say what he actually feels more often. Even without my hopes and dreams, I still think this ending was such good character growth for SQQ.

Holy shit we did it!

Thank you to everyone who joined me on this reading journey. It has been so fun getting to read the books along with you and talk about the experience.

I am a little bit sad that it is over :'3

I do however, now have a pile of fanfic to start working through and am so stoked to continue this journey via fan works. Thank you, thank you to everyone who sent me fics to read!!

In terms of what is next- I will likely spend some time reading SVSSS fanfic- if I get to a point where like Wangxian, I have hundreds of fics in my collection, I may start recing Bingqiu!

BUT in terms of danmei, I am hoping to read TGCF next and round out my MXTX collection (likely end of December start)!

This has been such an amazing experience that I will continue to live blog future danmei series :)

Thank you thank you again!

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Heart Killers time, woot woot!

Is it me, or is Fadel is not looking super convinced? He is smart enough that I hope he's suspicious of how convenient it is that they found this kind of evidence when Bison's desire to do the job was at its lowest.

Also the whole "do this and you'll get what you want" - lies!

JJ is flirting with a boy!!!! This is not a drill!!

Please let us see what they're gonna get up to after work!

Oh not good that Mother saw. That's a vulnerability for Keen.

That woman has presence though.

Style! You gotta play this cooler, man.

Fadel, lolol. I do like that he may be right in that he's not super emotionally connected to Style yet, but there is no doubt he is very affected physically. Which makes sense for their relationship at this point. Almost like not everyone has to be completely in love at first sight!

That cat picture is not the picture that Bison just took, lolol.

So...Bison is already thinking about ways to kill this guy, yes?

Yeah, you should be worried Kant.

I love that you can see the internal battle with Style, between "hey this guy is actually pretty cute" and "he murders people for a living".

It is fascinating how you see Fadel soften the tiniest bit each time Style talks about losing his mom.

Omg, not the garage porn roleplay!

Also not me being disappointed that's all we got of it, lol.

Haha, "small and pretty".

Loving that Fadel is starting to open up tiny bits with Style. Style is actually quite sweet when he's not trying to get attention like a peacock.

Hehehe, Style processing that he is, indeed, into that shit. We all called it!

I am dying at all the facial expressions throughout all of this. Fadel's irritation with Kant, Style playing the boyfriend card, it actually working to Fadel's annoyance, Kant just trying to look innocent and helpless.

Mad Dog Bison, omg.

He is so into that shit.

God, the face acting in this show.

Ah, it makes sense that Bison would be really good at noticing people.

Yeah, wrong guy to fuck with James.

Hmm, nevermind, maybe Fadel does really believe Mother.

Khaotung is nailing the unhinged killer side to Bison. Also, Kant is going to have such a rough time when Bison finds out the truth.

Aw, Style catching feelings already. We love to see it.

I knew Style was a softie underneath the brashness.

That's two Fast & Furious references thus far in this series. I guess we need to start a tally?

Fadel questioning all his life choices.

While Bison is totally into it.

Fadel is so weak to Style's begging, I love it.

It is funny that Bison wants Kant to be open, and will be super hurt about the lying, yet he's also lying so damn much. It's so messy! I love it.

Oh god, seeing Fadel laugh is just so heart-melting.

I adore the translators working on this show.

I am dying at Fadel's look of pain while singing. I am you, my man, I struggle with stuff like as well.

Oh this is a fascinating shot.

Also, don't think the Babe lie was a great one, it made it all sound too serious. Of course Bison wants to get involved.

Our little koala returns!

Oh this little feral hitman is so romantic.

These lines!!! Swoooooon.

Holy shit, this shot.

Oh, next week is going to be a ride.

[m0llystars]

"it's over" "he won the election" some of you people are actually so fucking weak holy shit. what the hell is giving up in This kind of time especially going to do? none of this shit matters at all until you're able to actually make ur choice. yeah this is all fucking crazy and it's gonna def rile up even more people on the right to vote, but especially considering that this is gonna be people like me's first ever presidential election where i can actually vote too, it's not like it's one way. i wouldn't be surprised if the right's been struggling to attract more people to rally behind them beyond their current base, which has been dwindling, and only leading to them becoming more desperate and more outlandish in what they want to accomplish because they're only ever good at catering to the following they have rather than pulling more people in; and those people are getting mad old and only more nasty and unhinged with time. ofc there's younger people getting pipelined into it, but beyond that? outside looking in, nothing about what they're going on about is remotely fucking sane-sounding to the average person.

polls do not mean anything. propaganda and people making edits of politicians that go hard as fuck now that the guy missed and there's cool pics of it, does not mean anything. if you already know what choice you're going to make, none of this should mean literally anything. have maybe a bit of fucking backbone behind what you believe in. i don't like being public about this kind of thing but one thing i am strongly and forever will be strongly annoyed with is people wallowing in misery and contributing to doomerposting/doomscrolling. you have right to be upset, obviously this is upsetting, but the second you start talking like you have to give up now, that's when you gotta shut the fuck up for everyone else's sake. maybe that's naive of me to still think things can get better, but maybe i'd rather be a bit delusional-sounding to yall than perpetually miserable

[wheezyseeker99]

Guilty as Sin

Warnings: pining, alcohol consumption (just a little), swearing, smut in many forms aka masturbation (female), oral (female receiving), penetration (fm), and multiple orgasm

18+, MDNI

Summary: based on my interpretation of the song. Also if you can’t tell, I’m obsessed with the way he was as a whole on April 11, 2024.

Anyway, good luck soldiers if you read.

I moved in with my best friend Cam a few months ago. Reason being I wanted to work on the east coast, and he isn’t usually home often. So I take care of the house while he’s on the road, and I get to spend time with him when he is home. It’s a win-win for the both of us.

The longest stretch for when he’s home is when hockey is in its off season, which is supposed to start soon here in Philly. With this losing streak, they are definitely not making playoffs. It’s sad because they really did have a good season up until now.

Tonight Cam has an away game. I decided to stay home since I had to work so now I have the place alone once again. Earlier he sent me a song that reminded him of me, and that made my day so much better. Work has torn me to pieces lately, but today was rougher than others. I’m debating whether I should take a personal day tomorrow just to recuperate.

I’m sitting here putting the finishing touches on graded assignments before the game starts. I’m feeling tense. Sometimes I can’t figure out why I put myself through the torture of teaching children for a living. It’s so hard to do, but in the end, it’s so rewarding. I close my laptop and shove it with the graded assignments into my bag and grab a bottle of wine from the kitchen. It’s a normal occurrence at this point to watch the games with a drink in hand.

Right when I make it back into the living room, I glance up at the tv to see that TK passed the puck to Cam and he scored. I gape at the tv for a second.

My best friend just scored.

I jump up off the couch and shout in excitement. I pull out my phone and pose next to the moment on the screen, sending it to Cam for him to see later. In the heat of the excitement, I sit back down and continue watching the game.

When the first period is over, the score is tied. I think it’s almost safe to say the losing streak is over but I don’t want to jinx it. I finally decide it’s time to eat so I go to the kitchen and make a sandwich. Though, when I walk back I see Cam on the screen doing an intermission interview. I paused my eating mid-bite.

Holy shit. He looks hot as fuck right now.

I stare at him for the rest of the interview, spiraling. This isn’t the first time I thought of Cam in that way. Honestly, it’s always been in the back of my brain, but I don’t have the balls to act on it. Cam has always been the one that’s there for me. He cares about me and he actually listens to me. That’s a rarity for a man. He’s so precious, and I’m not screwing up our friendship because I’m touch starved.

For the rest of the game, I kept thinking of the things that I shoved deep inside my mind. And they all had to do with my best friend. The wine didn’t help with that either. I turned off the game and went to brush my teeth.

Cam probably won’t be home until the middle of the night so I leave a light on for him and trail into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I lay down and the thoughts are back immediately.

Maybe I should get it all out while he’s not here.

My inner voice usually doesn’t say yes to things so easily, but here I am, thinking about throwing my thoughts to the wolves. This is far too unhinged. Is it bad to think about him in this way? I rack my brain until my phone lights up with a message from Cam.

‘That’s my girl’ with a picture of him cheesing at the camera. My eyes trail over the picture, looking everywhere from his bare shoulders to his lips. It’s safe to say that I metaphorically want to jump his bones immediately. Feral as hell.

I plug in my phone and lay it on my bedside table, hoping that he doesn’t notice that I didn’t reply.

It’s helpless to be this way. I slide my shorts off, leaving me in a big tshirt, and lay down again. When I close my eyes, I see Cam. I let out a deep sigh. What if, just this once, I give in to it? No harm in rubbing one out while thinking about my best friend right?

I close my eyes again and trail my hand up my thigh. My fingers aren’t my own, they’re his. His lips messily attacking my own. I’m breathing hard, swirling my fingers around my clit.

Cam. Cam. Cam.

My mind is running wild with all of the things we’ve never did. The way he’d manhandle me sticks to my mind like glue. He’d mark my body as his. I tilt my head back and gasp when I press two fingers into myself, applying pressure to my clit with my thumb. Cam’s calloused fingers would feel so much better than my own. He would curl them in a certain way that would make me melt into the palm of his hand. I feel my body shaking and soon I’m chanting his name while I’m crashing through an orgasm.

When I open my eyes, I notice how labored my breathing is. I take a few minutes to regain my ability to breathe and fell asleep.

…

My dream is starting to feel so real. It’s like Cam is haunting me. He’s laying behind me in bed, sliding his hands against my bare thighs. I feel his lips against the back of my neck. But it’s not real. It can’t be. I keep my eyes closed while I whimper out his name. It really feels like I can feel his breath against the shell of my ear and hear him softly hum.

There are kisses being pressed down my neck onto my shoulder. The scratchiness of his beard scrapes the sensitive skin. I lean into the fantasy, reaching my hand behind me to grab onto his hair, moaning at the way his mouth feels against my skin. It feels soft against my hand. If only this was real.

I roll over and open my eyes, and the world stops. Blue eyes hold my gaze.

“This isn’t real.”

“It is.” He places a kiss on my jaw and then pulls away to look at me. “You called me and I assumed it was a mistake. I kept my airpods in just in case you just wanted company while you slept.” His hand goes back to stroking my thigh. “But then I heard you moaning and calling out my name. Care to comment on that?”

My skin is on fire when he touches me and his eyes are burning into me. I bite my lip, but he lifts his thumb up to set my bottom lip free from my teeth. I let out a deep sigh, trying to control myself. I have to be honest now. I lay onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

“I thought I only plugged in my phone to charge. I didn’t mean to call you. I’m sorry. I just-”

“You’re sorry for what exactly?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think you’d ever find out.” I cover my face with my hands. “I really embarrassed myself and I’m sorry if it’s going to be weird between us now because of what I did.”

He pulls my hands away from my face and holds them. “I’m glad you did it. I’ve been holding back from this for a long time.”

I stared at him, more shocked than I’ve ever been before. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Think about it. Use that pretty brain.” He taps a finger to my forehead. “Was I not just kissing your skin baby?”

Oh wow.

I’m at a loss for words so I nod my head. He nods back at me, smiling broadly. “Exactly. I love you just as much as you love me. So tell me, may I kiss you some more?”

I nod again and press my lips to his. The world fades around us. Cam’s hands come to my hips and lifts me onto him. I’m straddling his lap and I gasp for air when our kiss breaks. I didn’t realize he’s only wearing underwear until now. My hands settle onto his bare shoulders, feeling his hot skin under my touch. This feels like a fantasy. He licks his lips, silently begging for more. There’s a spark in his eyes when he looks at me. He smoothes down my bed head, and tucks a stray hair behind my ear.

“This is what I wanted for so long.” His voice is low and it sends a shiver down my spine. “I’m sick of sharing you. You’re mine now.”

I gulp and mindlessly nod my head. I’m physically and mentally melting into him. His hands trail up and down my back, like he’s mapping out his territory, until they settle on my ass.

“Come on now baby. Cat got your tongue?” He smirks. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours Cam.”

“Mine.” He says through gritted teeth while he smacks my ass. He brings his mouth back to mine. The kisses are growing more urgent and heated, and I grind down onto his lap, needing more friction between my legs. He lets out a strangled groan into my mouth, smacking my ass again.

Cam removes his mouth from mine and moves it to nip at my neck. His beard grazes my skin, making my head tilt back. I moan out his name when he bites down on my pulse point. He reaches a hand between us, feeling my wetness over my underwear while I continue to grind into him.

“Who did this to you baby?”

“You.” I gasp. His fingers pull aside my underwear and press into my clit. I scream out and lay my head on his shoulder.

“Fuck. So pretty.” Two of his fingers circle against my clit until he presses them into me. I rock greedily onto them. “Look at you taking me so good.”

His praise has me clutching onto him for dear life. I have no other coherent thoughts besides him. I’m chanting out his name again for the second time tonight when I slam into the most mind blowing orgasm I’ve ever had. He brings his fingers up to his lips and sucks them, moaning at the taste of me. My hands drop to the waistband of his boxers. I start tugging them down while I give attention to his chest, lips meeting any piece of his skin I can reach.

Once I freed him from his boxers, he flips me over onto my back and takes off my panties and tshirt, leaving us both stripped down to nothing but skin.

Cam’s gaze shows an expression I’ve never seen him have before. It looks like a look of untamed desire. Kind of animalistic. I want him so bad. He’s back on me in an instant.

Our chests pressed together, mouth attacking mine. His hand lifts my thigh over his hip, sinking into me further. His hips move in long strokes. I moan into his mouth as he thrusts into me at a slow and steady pace. He’s taking his time.

We lose ourselves in each other and forget everything else. The feeling of him on top of me, in me, has me at an intoxicating level of ecstasy. Reality feels so far away, but we’re in it. I try to commit this all to memory until Cam moans into my mouth, biting down on my bottom lip as he lets my lips go. He starts going faster. He takes my hands and holds them above my head while he tucks his face into the crook of my neck. I scream out in bliss. The snapping of his hips blurs my vision and my body is aching to release.

“Please.” I stutter out. I’m too overwhelmed to say anything else. It’s too much.

“Let go baby. I’m-“ his voice breaks and he lets out a guttural moan. His desperate thrusts are starting to stagger when I tip over the edge. His mouth crashes down on mine, muting the whine that’s coming out of his throat. A wave of pure pleasure washes over us as we ride out our climax.

“Fuck I’m so in love with you.” He whispers against my lips. His chest is still heaving while he slides out of me. I’m lying here breathless and mind-numbingly blissed out. He looks down at me like I’m the greatest thing to ever happen to him. He bites his lip when he looks down at the mess we made and quirks a brow at me. “Think I need to clean you up now.”

Cam shuffles down the bed until he’s face to face with my soaked pussy. He swirls a finger around, mixing his cum with mine.

Oh my god.

I throw my head back and moan at how sensitive it feels. I try to squeeze my thighs together but he pries them open and lowers his mouth to taste me. My legs start shaking immediately. I grab onto his hair as he shoves his face further into me, licking every place he can before sucking my clit into his mouth which elicits another breathless scream from me. He chuckles against me but continues his assault. I’m writhing in pleasure until I come apart again, breathing hard as he licks me through my orgasm. My hands fall to the bed and he stands to leave. I whimper but he shushes me, saying he’d be back. Cam comes back with a wash cloth and gently wipes me clean.

After he takes the wash cloth back to the bathroom, he comes back and lays down with me. He pulls me into him, both of us still very naked. I lay my head on his chest and snuggling close. I love this feeling. I lift my chin to rest on his chest and look at his face. He has an arm tucked behind his head and the other plays with my hair.

Cam looks so content. He removes his hand from behind his head and lifts my thigh over him. He traces patterns on my upper thigh. It kind of feels like he’s tracing out the word ‘mine’ on it. I kiss his chest and smile to myself as I lay my head back down. I listen to his heart beat for a moment.

“We’re not just best friends anymore, huh?”

“No baby, we’re not. We’re so much more.”

[speedierthanasubmarine]

Finished heaven official’s blessing and I really enjoyed writing an analysis on helluva boss I want to make this a regular thing because it’s fun so here’s my thoughts on

Heaven Official’s Blessing

Spoilers (duh)

I think it’s incredibly impressive when someone can make an overarching narrative in which different seemingly disjointed events are significant without A) putting a giant exclamation mark on top saying “REMEMBER THIS IT WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER” and B) Significantly over or under emphasizing the importance of the scene in the moment. Each event stood on its own and I liked that.

There were several janky sentences and word choices but that’s a translation issue, this writer clearly knows what she’s doing.

Characters were a lot of fun and distinct, my favorites were Feng Xin, Pei Ming, Qi Ying, and Ling Wen whenever they were on the page I was like Ah yes, these pages are gonna be enjoyable and I was right, they’re all delightful (cept the brocade immortal stuff, but like I don’t care, Google assistant is fun) Xie Lian and San Lang are delightful, love them, and San Lang is so effed in the head it’s enjoyable to try and imagine what unhinged thing he’ll do next

Tbh there isn’t much plot breakdown I want to do with this series because it knows what it is, it’s a fanfic ass book with good times, trauma, gay fluff, and fights. Need I say more? That’s not a detractor, it’s a strength. Be what you are and own it because a house with a house’s foundation is a great house but slap a building on that house’s foundation and it fails in both regards.

The only aspect I’m going to analyze is the narrative voice the books are written in because holy crap is it super impressive. Xie Lian is a super mature (or ditzy, depending on your point of view) character, he doesn’t dwell on things, doesn’t hold grudges, doesn’t really care that much about people’s histories or even their present, doesn’t focus much on externals and it comes through in the way the book is written. I noticed this when throughout the books San Lang would do fucked up stuff like make it rain blood and kill a pit’s worth of people and Xie Lian kinda didn’t really seem to care and at first it pissed me off, why isn’t the author letting consequences occur because of these peoples’ actions, but then as it held consistently throughout the book and other people kept being super concerned about stuff, like Pei Constantly asking after Shi Qingxuan (I don’t know how to spell their name, it’s so hard to keep track I’m so sorry) or people bringing up Banue, I realized this is just Xie Lian, other people in the book are regular people like me, this one guy is just experiencing things, going “Well, ain’t that something” and then just moving on. Honestly iconic, but also I was halfway through book six when I realized. Especially since whenever they do flashbacks Xie Lian does all normal stuff. He describes settings he’s in, he mentions events that happened a few pages ago, he tells the reader how he feels, it’s after he experiences all his shit he goes through that this all kinda slips away. In “present” scenes he’ll reference things as they come up but like in the flashback after Mu Qing leaves they talk about it a few times and I find that aspect of acknowledgment to be noticeably absent in the “present” scenes. After the black water arc there is a complete lack of discussion about the frankly trauma inducing event that just transpired but sure Cie Lian, you and San Lang have to not hold hands for the billionth time. At first I thought is this author high but then I realized what shes doing is characterizing through prose which is IMPRESSIVE AS HELL. This may be a point I noticed and am now misremembering the entire series just to bolster my take and if that’s the case then I shall sheepishly shrug and say I’m sorry. I’m not rereading 8 books to write a tumblr review. Maybe if I ever start a YouTube channel

I don’t know, I just find it to be an incredible feat of actually good writing when a story is being told through the lens of the main character and you can characterize that character by simply reading the story and seeing how it’s written, not even through dialogue and action. It’s kinda like the Great Gatsby or a Separate Peace, and it’s super cool that a book like this can accomplish the same thing that makes those classics great. There isn’t as much symbolism or analytical potential but those books wouldn’t be nearly as impactful as they were without great execution, which this book pulled off in spades.

[bigbeautybigheart]

Some people out there are at it again 🙄

I swear, do y'all even watch the series with your eyes or what? How in the world can there be a take "Yuamu is so EVIL! She created Darkmen SPECIFICALLY to make things hard for Yudias!"

Hello? Maybe if you actually try rewatching it without your "Yudias is a poor victim uwu" filter you would discover some valid stuff, duh.

And once again:

She WASN'T fully knowledgeable about the Velgerians-Darkmen connection! It WASN'T a result of her DIRECT input! Certainly, she used it for her own benefit aka getting Darkmen as her entourage, but she did NOT make it on purpose so that Yudias would have to kill Darkmen in order to get his people back, wth? The Velgerians-Darkmen connection was a result of some space phenomena, that's literally what is said in the series. Yes, she IS Darkmen's "mother", but she, obviously, wasn't fully aware of ALL the specifics regarding their existence?

Yuamu messed up big time in S3, but, if anything, she was more "pro-Yuga" rather than "anti-Yudias". Her being "anti-Yudias" was more of a coincidental circumstance of her being "pro-Yuga". She was NOT "anti-Yudias" for the sake of being "anti-Yudias"!

Oh, and one more thing:

Of course HE has no ground to speak on. He, an artificial being, can't fully understand what it's like to have a great great great grandCHILD to protect from some time/space shenanigans that could possibly endanger his whole existence (and I'm pretty sure the very idea of that could have made Yuamu think and act kinda unhinged cause, holy shi-, imagine having to process all that supernatural bs, and ALSO at just a mere age of 13, on top of that!). So yeah, Yuamu's actions aren't justifiable, but they can be understandable at least to SOME degree? It's not like she was just some big bad cartoon villain whose purpose was to bully the "uwu poor baby Yudias".

And last but not least:

Again, why don't I see ZWIJO getting as much shit as she does even though he, a GROWN-ASS MAN, could have just, y'know, NOT support her?

Sure-sure, somehow this ENABLER of Yuamu's behavior got away with his bs in the eyes of GR fandom 😒

By the way:

Don't "NEED" it? Excuse me?? Who are YOU to decide that???

And what if you happen to meet them face to face aga-

Ooooooh! I see! And you know what? Zwijo actually GOT AWAY with this! 😒 Sheesh, too bad Yudias never got to hear these pieces of convos Zwijo had with Yuhi and Dinova! Cause I'm pretty sure Zwijo would have gotten something more than just some brief yelling in his face! Yudias punching Zwijo in his guts would have been WAAAY better! 😒 But naaah, who cares? Now that Zwijo is back to "supporting" Yudias, and Yuamu can be blamed for all the worldly crimes, all is fine in this fandom, am I right? 🙃

[tellmeallaboutit]

Hello, my favouritest of authors!☺️ Would you please indulge me with some more of your writing wisdom?

In HWLL, we get several POV characters, all written in the second person. Did that limit your choice of POV characters, and what was the process behind it? In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of writing in the second person?

Could you please recommend some BG3 DDDNE-friendly writing communities/Discords/whatever? (Or, how to find Beta readers without being banned from everywhere, LOL)

Is there something you wouldn't write? Both in the sense of "adjacent to your writing but you have no interest in it" and "not for a million dollars"?

Thank you, and can't wait to see what you write next. ☺️

Hello, my sweet reader and from what it appear a fellow writer!

In HWLL, we get several POV characters, all written in the second person. Did that limit your choice of POV characters, and what was the process behind it? In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of writing in the second person? 

This was supposed to represent the narrator and the gameplay switch between the main characters. It did limit my choice of characters in the sense that it needed to be a pronouncedly different POV with a different worldview and perspective to make the switch worth it. 

Pros:

Very in-depth focal and immersion, which means it is both a narration tool and a character study tool

Cons:

Limited view so you need to very seriously think about plot and exposition because you cannot grant the reader full visibility

Consequence:

You create more tension and duplicity in the narrative because you have the reader wondering was it actually any objective or was it skewed by perspective (e.g. was Judith really the bitch Astarion described her in her monologue to be?)

2. Could you please recommend some BG3 DDDNE-friendly writing communities/Discords/whatever? (Or, how to find Beta readers without being banned from everywhere, LOL)

HOLY SHIT YES I CAN! The Raphael Dark Mice Council is 100% unhinged, VERY DDDNE and dark humor friendly, very sexually explicit very lax in moderation. I’ll send you an invite. 

3. Is there something you wouldn't write? Both in the sense of "adjacent to your writing but you have no interest in it" and "not for a million dollars”?

I wouldn’t write (in detail) about prepubescent pedophilia. I think it’s an interesting topic from psychology / true crime / DDDNE perspective, but I just can’t.

Otherwise, I think there is not a topic I wouldn’t touch if I am honest.