#I am VERY SHY online so this is slightly terrifying

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I've always wanted to try ArtFight, so here we go.:)

[skieswords]

Sorry For The Wait {Charlie Gillespie x OC}

Summary: Alex is a lowkey youtuber, known for funny vlogs of her just existing. She’s avoided the relationship question for the longest time, but has decided it’s time to come clean to her followers. 

Warning: Fluff, swearing, mention of alcohol, and sexual innuendo cause I’m incapable of writing anything without it.

Alex was wandering round the kitchen, in his old shirt and a pair of pyjama shorts that really didn’t cover much. She hummed an undistinguishable melody under her breath as she went about making her morning coffee, dancing to the song in her head. Charlie grinned from his position in the doorframe, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed as he watched his girlfriend be her usual dorky self. She spun round suddenly, feeling eyes on her. “Oh, morning Char, when did you get back?” Charlie laughed under his breath and uncrossed his arms, stepping towards her and pulling her into his chest. “It’s not exactly morning, is it.” He nodded towards the clock on the oven that read 13.47, sighing when she shrugged and pressed a kiss to his cheek before stepping away to pick up her coffee cup. “It’s my morning.” Charlie rolled his eyes but nodded, helping himself to a banana from the fruit bowl, and leaning against the counter. Alex jumped onto the counter opposite, and swung her legs, sipping happily. Sitting there looking absolutely content, in his clothes and drinking her coffee, Charlie felt his heart swell. “I wanna go public.” He blurted it out, rather unexpectedly, for both parties. His eyes widened as he realised what he’d said, and looked down to his boots, still caked with mud from that morning’s not so sunny hike. “Didn’t we agree you’d stop wearing boots in the house? You hate vaccuming.” She jumped off the counter and made her way towards him, wrapping her arms around him and setting her coffee down on the countertop, resting her chin on his chest. He looked down at her with a soft smile, her blue eyes bearing into his hazel ones. “If you’re up for it, I’m down.” She smiled up at him, her voice soft and slightly excited. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and let his hand wrap around her waist, fingers drawing light patterns on her spine. “Yes please. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” Alex grinned and kissed along his jaw, until pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “Okay. When?” She broke away from him and unwrapped some toaster waffles, pushing down the button on the toaster before making her way back into his arms. “Today. Fuck it, let’s do it now.” She raised her eyebrows at him, and fiddled with his chain nervously. “Have you checked with Kenny? Didn’t he say-” Charlie sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, Kenny gave me the all clear like 2 months ago. I just wasn’t sure if you were okay with it.” Alex rolled her eyes, and patted his head jokingly, stretching like a cat and moaning happily when her back cracked loudly. “Of course I am. Dude do you know how many videos I’ve got planned for when people know about us?” Charlie laughed and stood up properly, kicking his shoes off and frowning slightly at the mud that scattered the floor as he did. “Great, let’s get them all filmed. Go get changed though, I’m not taking you on live in them.” He indicated her shorts, reaching a hand round to grab her ass. “Hey, they’re not that bad.” Charlie raised his eyebrows at her, and pointed to the doorway. “Fine. But I’m not wearing a bra and you can’t make me.” He rolled his eyes and smirked, pulling his phone out and walking through to the living room, stopping outside their bedroom door and watching as she pulled her shorts down. He bit his lip and caught her eye, shooting her a wink, before settling onto the sofa, setting his phone up on the tripod. 

“Hellooo, people. Okay, so I’ll just let some people file in. Sheesh, how many of you are there? That’s like 4000 already and it’s been like 10 seconds. Okay just a few more... Great. Hi everyone, uh, this is just a quick one to answer a question a lot of people have been asking me since the show came out. Before I do, I just want to say you guys know how much I love you, and how grateful I am for all the support, but I really need you guys to respect me with this. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and I’ve only held off because I was waiting for someone to agree.” 

From behind the camera, Alex emerged from their bedroom, her hair freed from it’s bun and falling around her shoulders as she fidgeted. She was nervous, having only been in front of an online audience of a couple thousand before, and she’d never been exposed to Charlie’s followers. They read the comments on his posts together sometimes, and she often stalked fan pages when she was bored and he was out hiking. The girls were crazy about him. Understandably of course, the man was gorgeous, and talented, and funny, and a million other things that had indeed made her fall in love with him in the first place. Kenny had asked that cast members (besides Jeremy, who already had a very public fiancée) to keep any relationships on the downlow, in order to keep the guys sex appeal up to fans. Alex had agreed, knowing it would help the show sell, and had deleted the few posts of Charlie on her instagram profile. None of them really made it look like they were in a relationship, and they were mostly group shots anyway, taken on day trips to Newfoundland, or on the beach with other friends. So her own followers, besides her close friends and family, had no idea she was even in a relationship. Still, it wasn’t fair to tease his fans, so she’d removed the posts all the same. Thinking of her instagram, she pulled her own phone out and took a picture of herself in the living room mirror with her tongue out, captioning it ‘head over to @charles_gillespie for an exciting announcement!’ before leaving her phone on the sidetable and grabbing her coffee from the kitchen.

“Okay, so we’ve waited like 3 years or something to do this. Guys, this is Alex. My girlfriend.” Alex walked into the frame and took a seat next to Charlie, avoiding eye contact with the camera. She wasn’t camera shy- she was a youtuber, it was second nature to her. But a bunch of batshit crazy fangirls? Terrifying. Charlie slipped an arm around her shoulders and made a show of bringing their heads together, plastering a silly grin on his face. His smile was infectious, and Alex mirrored it, sipping her coffee carefully before setting it down next to wear Charlie’s foot sat on the coffee table. “Knock that over and I’m kicking you out.” He laughed and kissed her hair, leaning forward to read the comments. 

“OMG, it’s @alexmvlogsz!”

“I knew it, there are old photos of the two of them everywhere.”

“It won’t be serious, they’ve probs only just got together.”

“She’s defo with him for the fame.”

“He’s too hot for her.”

“I’m so here for this!” 

Alex noticed Charlie’s frown and leant forward, reading them over his shoulder. “Ha, you guys are funny. Yes, hi it’s me, Alex. Yes, there are a lot of photos of us going around. Yuh okay you’re wrong, been together for like 4 years now I think? Also, we started dating while I had more followers than Charlie. So, uh go follow me because I’m cooler than him. Oh you are so right, he’s way too hot for me. And we are also here for this!” Charlie looked at her with an adoring smile, kissing her head again and pulling her into his side. “She’s hotter than me, actually. Anyways, this is Alex, love of my life. Just thought I’d share that with you guys.” Alex waved and laughed as a storm of comments came through, a combination of support and hate. “Okay, I’m gonna end it there. Bye y’all.” Charlie clicked the end button and collapsed back onto the sofa, frowning slightly. “People are so mean. Why can’t they just accept that I love you?” Alex shrugged and kissed him, moving to straddle his lap. “They will in time. But half of them are in love with you, they don’t want to accept it. It’s fine though, I’m used to it, don’t worry.” Charlie grumbled under his breath, leaning forward to rest his head against her chest. “Hey, while their all still on their phones, do me a favour and put a question box on your story for a Q&A video?” Charlie nodded and grabbed his phone from behind her, keeping one hand on her back so she didn’t fall. Alex yelped as he stood up, automatically wrapping her legs round his waist, and her arms round his neck. “What the fuck Charlie?” He laughed and wandered over to the same mirror Alex had taken her selfie in a few minutes earlier, holding up his phone and taking a photo of them. “For the story. I can post photos of you now, thank god.” Alex held on, resting her head on his shoulder as he typed behind her back, before tossing his phone onto the sofa and grinning at her. She raised her head and looked at him with her eyebrows raised. “Are you going to put me down now?” Charlie shook his head and walked towards the bathroom, arms wrapped around her. “I need a shower, and you’re joining me. “ Alex laughed but let him carry her, kissing along his jawline with a happy smile. 

*****

Hair soaking wet and faces flushed, they collapsed into bed side by side, Alex resting her head on Charlie’s chest. “I have an idea.” Charlie looked down at her, and ran his fingers through the damp strands of hair. “We should call Owen over. We’ll do a Q and A, but he has to read out the questions, and if we try to answer wrong or something, he can reveal the truth. Plus he can throw in his opinions, and it’ll be funny.” Charlie laughed softly, and nodded, reaching over to his nightstand to grab his phone. He clicked on Owen’s contact, and facetimed him, pulling the duvet up to cover Alex just in time. “I didn’t mean ask him right now. But okay.” Owen picked up, and grinned into the camera as he saw Charlie. “Hey, I’m just heading out to do some stuff but I can speak to you in the car. What’s up?” Charlie didn’t speak, simply angling the camera so that Owen could see them both, Alex’s red cheeks standing out against the white of the duvet cover pulled up to her shoulders. His face fell when he took in her appearance, groaning and pulling his hat over his face. “Look, Charlie, I love you, and I tolerate you Alex, but I saw enough of this in Vancouver. Seriously man, she has no clothes on.” Charlie nodded, and smirked. “Yuh, and she’s staying like that for the rest of the day. Anway, she wants to talk to you.” He handed the phone to Alex and sat up, reaching over to grab Alex’s phone from the charger. Owen rolled his eyes and sat Alex on his car stand, turning the keys in the ignition, and starting to drive. Alex made sure the sheet was tucked tightly under her arms, before moving out of Charlie’s grip, and leaning against the headboard. “Okay, so I was thinking.” Owen grunted in response and raised his eyebrows, avoiding looking at her. “Never a good thing. Just saying, if you flash me it’s not my fault, and manchild over there can’t get mad.” Charlie stuck his middle finger up at Owen, not looking up from Alex’s phone, which he was spamming with selfies. “Yeah, whatever. Anyway. I was thinking, Charlie just told all his followers we’re together- just incase you didn’t notice- and I want to do a Q & A on my channel. I think it’ll be even funnier if you ‘host’ it, and you can throw in random stories and opinions and whatever? You know us better than anyone,” Owen laughed bitterly and leaned forward, looking out his window. “Yeah, unfortunately. God, I was so happy when you went home. Okay, so when do you want to film this?” Alex looked over at Charlie and smiled seeing him scrolling through her instagram feed. “I don’t mind, when you next free?” Owen shrugged, and the familiar ticking of an indicator came through the phone. “As long as you two are fully clothed, I’ll come over on Wednesday? I have to come to LA to meet some people anyway, we can grab dinner after?” Alex nodded and watched as Charlie set her phone down, and slid down the bed, resting his head on her stomach. She ran her free hand through his hair, smiling as his eyes closed at the sensation. “Yeah that works. I’ll see if Sav wants to come too. Okay, I’ll see you then.” Owen nodded and waved at her, smiling as she flipped the camera to show Charlie. “He’s such a baby. Okay, you two go do whatever you two do. I’ll catch you later.” Charlie flipped him off once more, not lifting his head from where it rested, and Alex hung up. “You want a nap?” Charlie groaned slightly, indicating yes. “Cool, me too. Let me get the blinds.” Charlie sat up with an incredulous expression. “You woke up like an hour and a half ago woman, how are you tired already?” Alex looked at him with raised eyebrows and pulled a shirt out of their wardrobe. His shirt, to be clear. He watched as she dragged it over her head and flipped the blinds so that the room was darker, and held his arms out to her as she climbed back into their king sized bed, cuddling into his warm chest as they passed out for a couple of hours.

*******

“Hey guys! Most of you will already know, because we announced it a few days ago, but for those of you who don’t, today I’m introducing you to my boyfriend properly! The incredibly hot Charlie Gillespie.” Charlie waved awkwardly to the camera from his spot on the sofa, looking to Alex who was on the other side, almost 2 feet of space between them. “We figured we’d do a Q and A, so you guys sent in some questions, and well, we’re gonna answer them. Also, we have another special guest with us.” Owen appeared, and sat in between them, grinning at the camera. “Wouldn’t be a show without me. Okay so basically these two are disgustingly in love, and have been for a disgusting amount of time. Alex is using me for clout, and now you’re going to find out all of the gory details about their relationship.” Alex smacked him gently and handed him Charlie’s phone, the question response boxes all ready to read. “Okay, first question.

How long have you guys known eachother, and how did you meet? Owen looked between them, and pointed to Charlie. “I want to hear him get this wrong.” Charlie rolled his eyes and leaned forward, looking at Alex, who nodded. “Okay. We met nearly 4 years ago, when Alex moved over here for college. I was in LA that weekend, and I bumped into her in the street. We got to talking, and I ended up taking her out that night. That was pretty much it if I’m honest, nothing that exciting.” Alex scoffed and flipped her hair behind her shoulders. “Not quite. I took him out, and he fangirled the whole time. His sister had watched a few of my youtube videos, and he- and I quote- thought I was really pretty.” Charlie stuck his tongue out at her, and Owen groaned, resting his head in his hands. “We’re only one question in and I’m already sick of the both of you. Okay, next question.”

Do you guys live together, and if so where? Alex raised her eyebrows and laughed. “Most of the time we live together, yes. This is my apartment in LA, and I’d say we’re here at least 8 months of the year. But at christmas we go to New Brunswick to see Char’s family, and we go visit my family in thesummer. And sometimes I’m in New Zealand, and he’ll go on holiday with his boyfriend here.” Owen grinned and held Charlie’s hand, resting his head on his friends shoulder. Charlie leaned into him, making them appear like a very loved up couple. “Yeah, so we live together most of the time, apart from when we’re visiting friends or family, or if he’s working.” Charlie nodded and looked to Owen, who continued scrolling through boxes. “Oh my god some of these are dodgy. Jesus, look at this one!” He showed it to Alex, who burst out laughing. “Okay, I’m answering that but we’re not reading out the actual question.” She climbed to her feet and turned side on to the camera, smoothing out her t-shirt against her chest, giving a decent view of her side profile. “Whoever asked what kind of man Charlie is, I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself. He doesn’t get a choice in the matter- I only have one of the above.” Charlie read the question over Owen’s shoulder, before frowning and reaching out for Alex, pulling her onto his knee. “Shut up, you’re perfect and I love every bit of you.” He started peppering her face with kisses, laughing alongside her. Owen jumped to the other side of the sofa, grimacing. “Disgusting. Okay, next question. Ooh, this one’s juicy.”

Alex, do you and Madison get along, and have you ever been jealous of her relationship with Charlie? Owen made a show of trying not to laugh, and Alex rolled her eyes. “Mads is like a little sister to me. We get on really well, and her and Charlie’s relationship is best friends, nothing more. I mean, to be fair I’d totally adopt her if I could. Having her living with me would me pretty cool.” Charlie frowned and shook his head. “No. I’m not living with the both of you. You’d never stop singing.” Alex nodded happily. “And the only thing I’m jealous of her for is she doesn’t have to live with him. Or share a kitchen with him.” Charlie flicked her in the side of the head, kissing the afflicted area shortly after, while Owen nodded in agreement. “That brings us nicely on to the next one.”

Who’s got the worst eating habits? Owen rubbed the back of his neck and looked straight at the camera. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this. Alex is worse than Charlie, folks. And you’ve seen how he eats.” Charlie pushed Alex off him and jumped up, pointing his fingers at her as he danced around in front of the camera. Alex’s jaw dropped, and she leant forward, pointing at Charlie accusingly. “He eats eggs with peanut butter. Do you know how gross that is?” Charlie grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, sinking back into his seat. “You eat ham, and peanut butter. You can’t talk.” Alex groaned and flipped him off behind Owen’s head. “Fine, what’s the next one?” Owen grinned and scrolled a bit, laughing out loud before putting the phone facedown.

Who’s most likely to get jealous? He smirked at the camera, and shared a look with Alex, who was grinning. They turned back to the camera and spoke simultaneously. “Charlie.” At his name, he groaned and grabbed a pillow, smothering his face with it. “Very much Charlie. Do you want to hear something funny? Of course you do. Owen, I’ll let you take this one.” Alex sat back, smiling smugly, while Charlie looked at her with pure betrayal written all over his face. “While we were in Vancouver last year, filming for the show, Alex here, came to stay with us for 2 months. This was the first time I’d met her, besides a few facetime calls. We got on really well, and hung out a lot on and off set, while I wasn’t filming. Our lovely Charlie, decided he was going to absolutely freak out about this, and started a fight in the middle of the freaking lot, in front of the entire cast and crew, because he thought I was after Alex.” Charlie groaned from behind the pillow, and Alex laughed. “He thought Owen was flirting with me, and yelled at him for a straight 7 minutes, while we just kinda stood there and looked at each other. I felt so bad, I took Charlie home that night and sat with him for like 3 hours, and then I took them both out for dinner the next night. It was weird.” Owen snorted and rubbed his forehead. “You did not just sit with him. I shared an apartment with you, I was in the next room.” Alex punched his arm, and leaned over to ruffle Charlie’s hair. “He’s just protective, you should see him when we go out together, he literally refuses to leave my side.” Owen nodded and smiled at Charlie’s flushed face. “He’s stupid protective of her. One of the crew members actually did flirt with her. We’re lucky the guy’s still alive.” Charlie rolled his eyes at them both and held his hands up. “I had to compete with an entire college full of guys to keep her. And I have 3 brothers. I’m used to fighting for what’s mine.” Alex smiled and stood up, pushing Owen into her spot and sitting beside him, taking Charlie’s hand. “Yeah, what he said. Next question Owen?” Owen shook his head and scrolled once more, raising his eyebrows occasionally. “Okay, this should be easy.”

Who’s the most annoying to live with? Charlie and Alex both immediately pointed to her, and Owen nodded his head. “Even just while we were in Vancouver, this girl drove me up the wall. I don’t know how Charlie does it.” Charlie smirked and rubbed his jaw. “He gets well compensated for his troubles.” Charlie shrugged and nodded, laughing at Owen’s expression. “She’s incapable of showering without leaving the entire bathroom flooded, she never does the laundry unless I phone her four times and ask her to do it, she has never touched the vaccum in her life, and the bed only gets made when she’s not living here. Not to mention she’s the messiest person in the world, and our room is literally carpeted with her- actually wait no, MY clothes, because she never wears her own stuff. Exhibit A.” Alex stood up and spun around, showing off her outfit of Charlie’s t-shirt and a pair of jeans. “He loves me for it though.” She dropped back onto the sofa, smiling as she felt Charlie’s arm slip around her waist and pull her in to his side. “Let’s do some nice ones.”

Are you guys morning people? All three of them laughed, and Alex buried her face in Charlie’s chest. “Owen, is like a late morning early afternoon person. I’m always up before 9, I like doing stuff in the mornings. I sleep in on Saturdays sometimes, or I’ll stay in bed and watch a movie with Alex. But Alex doesn’t get up unless she absolutely has to. Today she got up at like 1230 I think? And that’s early for her, and it was only after a lot of persuasion.” Alex bit her lip, remembering the persuasion Charlie had used that morning, and feeling a familiar heat take over her face. Owen pulled a face, also knowing what he meant, and gagged. “Disgusting. But yeah, I’ll second that. When she lived with us, we’d go home for lunch sometimes, or we’d have a halfday, and she’d still be sleeping. Like Charlie would go in and get her at like 4pm. And she’d wake up and go get coffee. At 4pm.” Charlie nodded, and Alex sighed, sitting up and brushing her hair out of her face. “In my defense, I’m normally up pretty late. I work best at night, and I can never fall asleep before like 3 or 4am.” She shrugged, and leant on Charlie, who was blushing ever so slightly. “We know, Alex, we know. Let me give you a piece of advice, folks. See if your best mate’s girlfriend comes to stay, after 2 months of being apart? Stay away from the apartment for at least 3 days. Maybe a week. Move out if you can. They kept me up, Every. Freaking. Night. I don’t know how Charlie was able to function at 5.30 in the morning, considering he could’ve gotten like maximum an hour of sleep. He was on vocal rest for a reason.” Owen raised his eyebrows at the camera, and Alex hid her face, while Charlie puffed out his cheeks and looked around, avoiding the camera. “Moving swiftly on, what’s the next question Owen?” The blonde grinned and scrolled once more, chuckling under his breath.

What’s your guys favourite thing to do together? Owen looked at them dubiously as Alex clapped her hands, and Charlie grinned. “Besides that.” Charlie rolled his eyes and reached over to clip Owen over the ear, and Alex ducked as they play fought over the top of her. Finally breaking apart, Charlie straightened his shirt and resumed his hold on Alex. “It’s between travelling and playing. With Alex’s family in the UK, and mine in Canada, we fly around quite a lot. Besides, we both love seeing new places, and we have friends all over the place.” Alex nodded and smiled excitedly. “I can’t wait, we’re going to see Mads for her 17th birthday next week- she doesnt’t know, but I won’t post this until we’re there, so it’ll be fine. And we went to visit my dad in New Zealand last month- that was fun. We went to Hawaii, of course, with Jer and that. That was incredible.” Charlie nodded, watching with an adoring expression as his girlfriend’s face lit up, while she spoke about the places she loved so much. “Hawaii was awesome, but I gotta say, going to the UK is like wow. It’s so different over there.” Alex looked at her feet shyly, nodding slightly. “For sure, and my friends are uh, very different from our friends here.” Charlie raised his eyebrows in agreement, feeling Alex’s grip on his hand get a little tighter. “But yeah, besides travelling it’s got to be playing together. We sing together all the time, I’m pretty sure our neighbours hate us.” Alex brightened up and laughed, nodding eagerly. “Honestly, most of the time that’s what we’re doing at like 1am. I’ll get a song stuck in my head and force Charlie to play it for me. He’s so much better at guitar than I am.” Charlie shook his head and held a hand out in excitement. “Nah, see when I tell you this girl can sing, oh my GAWD. There’s a reason I fell in love with her. And she plays piano, and guitar, although I am still teaching her that. And violin!! How cool is that? She’s teaching me. So yeah, our neighbours hate us.” Owen smiled as he watched his best friends talk about each other, the love between them so obvious and real. “Okay, we’ll do like two or three more.”

Who takes longer to get ready in the morning? Instantly pointing at each other, Owen laughed, and pointed to Charlie. “100% this man. She just throws her hair up and puts on whatever he wore the day before. This man has a full haircare routine, every fricking morning. Like seriously, it’s just hair!” Alex nodded in agreement, running her hands through Charlie’s hair. “It is very nice hair though. Nah for sure, Charlie takes longer to get ready first thing, but when we’re going out, it’s me. Like out out, I mean. I’m so indecisive. In Vancouver Savannah literally nearly stabbed me cause I was taking so long.” Charlie grinned and nodded, Owen mirroring his actions. “Never ask her to go out unless you have at least 4 hours to kill. 3 hours for her to be indecisive, and then another for her to be late.” Alex grinned and tilted her head to the side. “Girls, am I right? HA. I’m funny. Okay, moving on.”

Who’s most fun on a night out? Charlie and Owen pointed to Alex simultaneously, who just shrugged and nodded. “I was raised in Scotland, so when I drink, I drink hard. Nobody could keep up with me when we went out in Vancouver. Seriously, Charlie tried and we nearly had to take him to the ER.” Charlie scoffed at this, but the blush spreading up his neck said all that needed to be said. Owen laughed at the memory, and set the phone down. “No really, it was so funny. This tiny 5′5 girl knocking back vodka like it’s water, and Charlie’s trying not to throw up in the corner after like 2. This girl’s liver is deceased.” Alex grinned and kicked her feet up on the table proudly. “Proud drinker since I was 13. Shit, this is going on the internet. Okay, forget I said that. Owen?” Owen reached out and grabbed the phone, scrolling through again.

Do you have any tattoos? Owen rolled up his sleeve and showed off the ghost drummer on his forearm, and Charlie stood up next to him, placing their ghostly characters next to each other. They pulled their shirt sleeves down, and looked to Alex, who groaned and stood up. “I have a few, but they’re pretty small.” She came up close to the camera, followed by Charlie, who helped her pull the collar of her shirt down, and swept her hair away from the nape of her neck, revealing the small outline of a triangle at the top of her spine. “I’ve got that, and then-” She pulled her top up, and showed a single word written on her ribcage, in gaelic. ‘teine’. “It says fire, in scottish gaelic. And this one.” She held her hand up to the camera, showing a daffodil on the inside of her middle finger on her right hand. “And then I have another one on my leg, but obviously can’t show that.” She settled back onto the sofa, smacking Charlie when he laughed. “It’s hardly on her leg. It’s like-” She held a hand over his mouth and smiled at Owen, asking silently for the next question. “Oh wow, okay I like this one.”

Alex, how do you get along with the JATP cast, and who’s your favourite? Owen looked at Alex expectantly, who just rolled her eyes and crossed her legs. “I love them, so much. While Char was away I was constantly on the phone, and they’d just pass me around depending on who was filming. A lot of it was because Charlie was afraid I’d get lonely, but also because he was so busy that he could only grab a couple of minutes to speak to me every now and again. While I was in Vancouver, me and Owen definitely spent a lot of time together, and he showed me round the city while Charlie and Mads were doing perfect harmony shoots and stuff, which was an experience and a half. Note to self, Owen is incredibly competitive at arcade games.” Alex slipped her hand into Charlie’s as she spoke about her time with Owen, knowing he’d probably start overthinking it. “But Mads and I got super close. Like everytime the boys were filming we’d go to craft services and eat our weight in brownies. We made them a lot too, in the apartment. We literally facetime everyday. And Savannah too, oh my god I love that girl so much. She’s like my best friend. I wouldn’t have made it over there without her, she literally picked me up from the airport when someone forgot I was coming.” Charlie held his hands up in defense, and Alex rolled her eyes. “He didn’t forget I was coming, he just ‘lost track of time’. But honestly, I can’t pick a favourite, they’re like family to me.” She smiled at Owen, and leaned back against Charlie, meaning every word. “Aw. How cute. I’m the favourite. Next question. Oh wow, this is a biggie.”

Charlie, are you going to propose? Alex’s eyes widened, and she coughed, turning to look at Charlie. “Good question. It’s nearly four years. Where’s the ring, Charlieboy?” Charlie chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, leaning back against the sofa. “Got a while yet, got to train her up a bit better first.” Alex punched him in the arm, and he winced, rubbing it and glaring at her. “I’m joking, obviously. She’s only just 21, so we’re gonna wait a bit- but yes, I will. One day. If she doesn’t kill me with her cooking first.” Owen raised his eyebrows and brought a leg up underneath him, scrolling through the questions. Alex looked at Charlie with a pout, crossing her arms and moving away from him. “Oh my god, you’re such a child. Yes, I’m going to propose, just not now and not anytime soon! Yikes.” Alex grinned and kissed his cheek, waiting for the next question. “Right, we’ll make this the last one?” Alex and Charlie nodded, Alex tucking her legs up to her chest as she leaned back against Charlie, her head resting on his arm, which was thrown across the back of the couch.

What’s your favourite thing about each other? Alex smirked and looked Charlie up and down, winking at the camera. Charlie did something similar, his arm moving down the sofa and grabbing at her hip, making his intentions more than clear. Owen gagged, and spun round, holding his forehead in his hands and shaking his head. “Joking. I love Charlie’s passion. He gets so invested in the things he loves, and watching him speak about stuff he’s genuinely interested in and excited for is the cutest thing in the world. He gets these like sparkles in his eye, and he jumps up and down and god it’s adorable. I also like his abs. They are, in a word exquisite. Not to mention his arms.” Charlie rolled his eyes, but pressed a loving kiss to her temple. “I love how talented Alex is. There’s not really anything she can’t do. Literally, she’s musical, athletic, and she’s like stupid smart. She has a degree. From college. Like woah. And I also love when she gets super excited about something, or when she gets like really emotional- not sad, just when she’s feeling something really intensely, she starts like bouncing up and down in her seat, and clapping her hands or shaking them really fasr. It’s literally like the most adorable thing ever. And her ass. It’s pretty cool too.” Owen coughed and held a hand up. “Right well, there’s one thing she can’t do. She can’t dance. Like at all. It’s quite funny.” Charlie nodded, as did Alex. “Dancing, definitely not my forte. Also, when he says athletic, he means I played field hockey in high school and college. The most exercise I get now is when he’s hor-” Owen stood up quickly, and Charlie covered her mouth with his hand. “Okay, that’s all for this video! Hope you guys are suitably grossed out. Thanks for watching, goodbye!!!”

Owen turned off the camera, and Alex grinned before turning to Charlie, connecting her lips with his in a soft kiss. Finally being allowed to talk about her relationship was a major relief, after having to hide it for so long. “Gross, can you wait til I’m gone at least?” Alex rolled her eyes and flipped him off, climbing off the sofa. “No, cause we’re going out for dinner. Can you call Sav, baby? Let her know we’ll be like an hour?” Charlie nodded, watching her with a dazed smile as she wandered into their bedroom, already tying her long hair up out of the way for a hard session of outfit searching. “You’re in so deep with that one, man.” Owen looked at Charlie knowingly, who just shrugged and continued to smile. “What can I say. She’s the one.” Owen shook his head and rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, happy that another one of his best friends had found real love. Charlie scrolled through the contacts on Alex’s phone, clicking on Savannah’s name and raising the phone to his ear. He jumped when she picked up, holding the phone at arm’s length. “Oh my god, Sav it’s me, not Alex. She said to tell you we’re going out in a couple of hours, and to be ready to go for 7. That cool?” Savannah spoke rapidly on the other side of the line, agreeing and squealing with excitement when she heard Owen would be there. “I’ve missed you guys! Okay, see you soon!” Charlie hung up and set his girlfriend’s phone down, reaching for the remote, and turning on the TV. “Wanna watch the NHL?” Owen nodded, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, and looking at the clock on the wall. It was only half three.

[emy-loves-you]

Sanders Sides AU-gust Day 2: College

Virgil and Logan have a series of flirty interactions before realizing that they’re roommates.

Logan POV, Analogical with background Royality and familial Logicality.

Day 1 | Masterlist | Day 3

Logan felt extremely stereotypical as he drank from his red solo cup. According to the clock on the wall, it was currently 11:27 PM and Logan was ready to go home. He silently cursed out his brother for dragging him to this party. Patton could have asked his boyfriend to take him, but he wanted Logan to get out of the house. Logan watched as Patton and Roman made out on the other side of the room. He took a bigger swig from his cup and winced. Cheap booze. Logan wished that the other highschoolers here could swindle some better alcohol. Logan steeled himself before downing the rest of the cup. He needed a distraction from his boredom (and his brother making out with Roman Prince).

Logan swiftly stood up, frowning as he stumbled a bit. Logan had assumed that his tolerance level was higher than this. He’s only had… three? Four? Drinks. Logan should go get another drink. Logan quickly made his way to the kitchen, ignoring the other teens he passed on the way there. This house was pretty big, with multiple bedrooms for teens to have fun in. Logan eventually found the kitchen, wincing slightly at how bright the room was. There seemed to be only one person- oh.

Sitting on the counter was the most gorgeous man Logan had ever seen. Logan vaguely recognized him from the football games he attended with Patton. The teen usually manned the concession stand, wearing his overly large hoodie and dark eyeshadow. With his alcohol-fueled brain, Logan wasn’t shy to admit that he’d been crushing on the teen for a while. Tonight his crush wore a tight-fitting MCR shirt and equally tight jeans. His makeup was much more complex, complete with winged eyeliner and black lipstick. Logan suddenly felt hot all over as he moved forward to grab another drink. The sinfully attractive man just then seemed to notice Logan’s presence, swaying slightly on the counter.

“Hey, I know you!” The man slurred out. He appeared to be just as intoxicated as Logan was. “You’re the cute kid that orders cookies and water at every football game!”

Logan blushed, surprised that he remembered Logan’s face, much less his order. He then realized the first half of the sentence. “You think I’m cute?” He asked, internally frowning at the way his voice slurred.

The hot guy (who Logan was mentally dubbing ‘hottie’ from here on out. It’s not like anyone could read his thoughts) smirked. “You’re more than cute. You’re hot as shit, man.” The man giggled. “I’ve been crushing on you for a long time.”

Logan’s drunk-self couldn’t help but repeating the sentiment. “I’ve also harbored a crush on you.” They both giggled like schoolgirls at the thought, both too intoxicated to fully grasp the implications.

Hottie suddenly hopped off the counter, grabbing Logan by the hand. “C’mon.”

Logan let himself be pulled along until they reached the front door. “Where are we going?” Logan felt like he was forgetting something important. Did he have his phone? Yes, it was in Logan’s back pocket. Then what was he forgetting? It must not be important.

Hottie smiled as he led Logan across the street. “My house.” He led Logan to the front door, only letting go of his hand to unlock the door. “My parents are on vacation, so the house is empty. We just graduated and we both like each other so I thought-”

Hottie didn’t quite state what he was planning for them to do that night. It might have been because Logan chose that moment to press his lips against Hottie’s. Or that Hottie’s back was immediately pressed against the wall. Or maybe he was just too busy trying to get Logan’s shirt off.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Logan groaned as he woke up, ignoring the need to open his eyes. His head felt like it would split in two. What happened last night? Logan struggled to pick out the details. Patton forced me to go to a party. He and Roman were… occupied. I went to get another drink and found that hot guy I’ve had a crush on for a while. I confessed my feelings and we went to his house- HIS HOUSE?!

Logan forced his eyes open, suddenly realizing that he wasn’t in his own bedroom. While it was difficult to see without his glasses, Logan could still make out the majority of the room. The whole room was a strange yet aesthetically pleasing combination of charcoal grey and purple. The bedroom was sparse, with multiple cardboard boxes stacked in the corner of the room. Logan’s crush (was crush an appropriate term for someone you’ve already had sex with?) was sitting on the other end of the bed, writing something in his notebook. Logan was suddenly aware of the fact that he was naked underneath the thick comforter on top of him. He went through the mental crisis of what the hell should I do for a few minutes before the man looked up.

“Oh! I didn’t know you were awake.” The teen shuffled around before holding something out. Logan held his hand out and was slightly surprised to feel his glasses being set gently onto his palm. Logan quickly put on his glasses and watched as his crush played with his hoodie strings. It was very odd to see him like this. On one hand, he wasn’t acting like the antisocial yet terrifying teenager that he was at football games. On the other hand, he wasn’t the suave, confident young man that Logan met last night. He was… shy, and quiet (and, though Logan would never admit it… he was cute, in a soft way).

Logan felt his blush rise as the guy handed him his clothes. They were clean and folded, with not a wrinkle in sight. How long has he been up for? And how long have I been asleep? Logan watched as the man gestured towards the bathroom and walked out of the room. Logan quickly stepped into the bathroom and changed, ignoring the heavy nausea he felt from his hangover. He then made his way out of the room, making his way to the kitchen. His crush was sitting on the counter, his phone in one hand and an unopened bottle of water in the other. Logan’s phone sat on the counter next to him, connected to a charger. The man offered Logan the water, which he accepted gratefully, chugging half the bottle before using the cool bottle as an icepack for his headache. His crush winced at the action. “Sorry, we don’t have any painkillers around. Trust me, I checked.”

Logan offered a small smile. “I believe you.” He turned towards his phone and was unsurprised to see over 50 missed calls from Patton. “I’ll need to be leaving soon.” The man tensed up. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “Look, I know we went through some mushy shit last night, but… I’m moving away in a few weeks. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could handle anything long-distance. But I didn’t mean to bring you here for a one-night stand. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve been crushing on you for a while now.”

Logan nodded. “I am also leaving for college in a few weeks. There are extremely low chances of the two of us meeting again. While I also harbor feelings towards you, I do not fancy a long distance relationship.”

They sat there in silence while Logan texted Patton. Logan left out the majority of the details, just stating that he was unharmed and that he was across the street from the party. Patton replied that he would be there in 20 minutes.

“Hey.” Logan looked up, and his crush immediately looked down at his feet. “If we ever meet again… you know, after we’ve moved and stuff… do you think we could give this a chance?”

Logan smiled. “If we somehow meet again in the future, I would thoroughly enjoy being in a relationship with you.”

They sat there for a few minutes before he smirked. “Wanna make out until your ride gets here?”

Logan leaned forward to kiss him. “Yes please.”

---------------------------------------------------

Logan sighed as he finished transferring his belongings from his car to his dorm room. Luckily his roommate wasn’t there yet, so they couldn’t see him exhausted from going up and down the stairs a dozen times. If he was here, maybe this whole thing would’ve been more bearable, but-

Logan shook his head. It’s been three months since the party, and he was probably on the other side of the country. Logan still feels like kicking himself for not getting the guy’s name or phone number. But by the time he thought of that, his crush had already moved away. But even after three months of no contact, Logan couldn’t get him out of his head. He’d fallen hard, and every night after was filled with dreams that would never happen. Kisses that never occurred, words that were never said, smiles and secrets that were never shared. God, Logan would do just about anything to have one more night with the guy. Instead, he was almost 1,000 miles away from his hometown, sharing his room with a stranger and wishing for a nameless cute guy more than he wished for his own brother.

Once everything was arranged accordingly, Logan decided to go and get some coffee. While he technically had a coffee maker in his room, Logan wanted to stretch his legs and familiarize himself with his new environment (it had nothing to do with getting thoughts of his crush out of his head, that would be preposterous). Logan made his way out of the college dorm, already dreading the walks from his dorm to his classes. The campus was larger than anything in Logan’s hometown. It took 20 minutes to reach the edge of campus, and another 15 to find a decent coffee shop. Sure, it looked like a cheap rip-off of Starbucks, but it had good reviews online so Logan was willing to give it a try.

Logan opened the front door, unsurprised to hear a small bell go off at the action. What he was surprised by was the familiar voice at the counter.

“Hello, welcome to the Coffee Castle, how may I help you?” Logan looked up just as he did, and they made eye contact over the counter. Logan’s face went red as he turned around and yelled towards the back room. “Taking my break now!”

Another voice answered back. “But I thought you were servin’ a customa?”

He blushed. “He can buy a coffee later, I gotta talk to him first. Personal stuff.”

The voice laughed. “Go gettum, V!”

V. While it wasn’t a full name, it was a much better substitute for him. V hung up his apron before dragging Logan towards the back of the coffee shop. There was a storage closet just big enough for the two of them as they slipped inside.

V smiled as he turned on the light. “Hey.”

Logan blushed. “Hello. It is very… nice, to see you again.”

V smirked. “Look, I’ve only got 10 minutes before I’ve gotta go back up to the counter. Wanna make out until then?”

Logan immediately pressed forward for a kiss. “That would be amenable.” He whispered under his breath.

Time always felt slower around V. Back when V worked the high school concession stand, a five-minute conversation felt like hours of invigorating debates. That night spent with V felt like years of drunken confessions and passionate moments. And the 8 minutes they spent making out in this closet felt like an entire lifetime of love. Every kiss was a promise for more, every sigh was a confession that didn’t need verbalization to be understood. Logan was not well-versed with recognizing and acting on emotions, but after the lifetime he was feeling in this moment, he realized that he would trade almost anything to spend an actual lifetime with V.

They eventually stopped kissing and just stood there for a moment, pressing their foreheads together in some vague form of reassurance. Logan wished that this moment of serenity would last forever, but that was not meant to be. V pulled back and blushed, looking down at his feet. “I know we both said we would give us a chance if we met again, but do you still mean it?”

Logan nodded. “Do you?”

V smiled, leaning in to kiss Logan’s nose. “I wouldn’t have pulled you into this closet if I didn’t.”

They stood there for a few moments before Logan coughed awkwardly. “Could I get your phone number? I really don’t want to go through the trouble of trying to find you again.”

V laughed. “Yeah, that makes sense.” V typed his number into Logan’s phone before sighing. “I need to get back to work.”

Logan frowned. “Alright. Will you be here tomorrow?”

Virgil smirked. “No, but I can be here if someone wants to go on a coffee date.”

Logan blushed. “That sounds acceptable. Is 1 PM a good time for you.”

Virgil smiled. “Sounds perfect.” He gave Logan one more peck on the lips before opening the closet door. “See you then.”

Logan was a blushing mess for the rest of the day. Patton had decided to call him soon after Logan left the cafe, and he squealed when Logan told him of his encounter with V. Patton then spent the next 20 minutes telling Logan what he should wear for his date tomorrow. That’s when Logan realized that holy shit I have a DATE tomorrow. He spent the rest of the day at the local library, trying to find anything on date etiquette (or just how to hold a proper conversation). After promising to tell Patton about how his date goes, he reads several philosophy books to try and calm down. By the time the library closed, Logan was feeling slightly less flustered and collected enough to meet his new roommate. Logan knew nothing but the man’s name, so it was difficult to judge whether or not this interaction would go smoothly.

Logan approached his dorm once again, feeling a nervous twist in his abdomen. First impressions meant alot to most people; would Logan’s roommate be upset that Logan wasn’t there all day? While Logan wasn’t interested in being friends with his new roommate, it would be helpful to keep a polite relationship with the person he was going to live with for the next few months.

Logan quickly entered the dorm, finding his roommate lying on the floor, eating a bag of chips. Logan cringed as the crumbs got into the carpet, but attempted to be civil nonetheless. “Hello, you must be Virgil Storm. I am your roommate, Logan-”

Logan didn’t get to finish his introduction before the man burped loudly and sat up. “Oh, I’m not Virgil.” He used his tongue to get the leftover crumbs out of his mustache. “Remus Prince, at your service!”

Logan cringed again, suddenly recognizing the man’s face. While he didn’t go to the same highschool as Logan, his resemblance was impossible to miss. “Ah, I remember now. We’ve met a few times before this, if I’m remembering correctly. You’re Roman’s twin brother, correct?”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “Yep, and your Patty’s big bro, right? My, what a small world!”

Logan couldn’t help but smile at that. “Yes, what a small world indeed.” He looked around. “Now, what are you doing in my room?”

Remus giggled. “I’m Virgil’s best friend! We were gossiping about the date he’s going on tomorrow.”

Logan nodded. “And where is he now?”

Logan heard the door open and close from behind him. Remus giggled and pointed towards the door. Logan turned around, ready to start his introductory speech again. Instead, all that came out was a quiet squeak.

Standing in the doorway, slack jawed, was V. Logan felt his cheeks turn red as he tried to come up with an appropriate response. Remus giggled again, and V then seemed to realize that Remus was there. “Remus, leave.”

Remus whined. “But we were gonna talk about the guy that made your heart flutter and your di-”

Virgil growled. “Out, Remus.”

Remus stared at the two of them while Logan continued to silently blush. He seemed to come to the correct conclusion as he laughed. “Well, the world’s even smaller than I thought it was. Have fun you two!” And with one last laugh and something whispered into Virgil’s ear, Remus left.

Logan and V- no, Virgil- stared at each other before Virgil started laughing. Logan soon joined him, and they became a giggling mess. Virgil wiped away a fake tear. “What are the odds?”

“Of the two of us being roommates at the same college? Without informing the other of what state we were moving to?” Logan adjusted his glasses. “Too small to consider.”

There was a pause before Virgil spoke up. “Well, I know we have a date planned for tomorrow, but we have two perfectly usable beds right here, and-”

This wasn’t the first time that Virgil was unable to finish telling Logan what he wanted to do, and it wouldn’t be the last. But Virgil was okay with that, if it meant that he was feeling Logan’s lips on his.

[donquixotehomura]

Endeavor x Reader All Is Fair In Love And War

This fic includes a hell of a bad writing shit show so sorry for the bad writing that you have to go through, I can't stand my own writing lmao, Endeavor is kinda OOC I think.. Idk, I get stupidly poetic at some points and I have weird wordings for some things, Hella long and boring, This is a fucking K-Drama

Bruh like I had about a month to write this but I procrastinated till the last day having only a starter with 2.5K words and wrote the rest in one day, a total of 11K... Bruuuuh if anybody reads this I'm sorry for your time and the cancer.

TW: yandere themes, blood, gore, descriptive violence, toxic relationships, heartbreak, death, offensive language, cursing, just a lot of bad triggering stuff, mentions of suicide, name calling.

This is during the Endeavor redemption Arc about two weeks before Endeavor VS HighEnd/Hood after that Manga spoilers start.. If you get to that point tho, you're close to the end congrats you made it.

Reader is an independent person with a strong personality, she's  strong willed and arrogant, you can say she's a more mature Bakugou with common sense lmao

This Will Contain Manga Spoilers

You yawned in boredom trying to stay awake, your eyes briefly glancing at the person who's currently speaking to all the pro heroes sitting in the room, hero commission meetings weren't only boring, they were also a waste of time you could've been patrolling and stopping villains saving civilians, but no you had to go to a different city for the meeting 'didn't these old hags and geezers hear of online meetings? We could've saved a lot of time if we didn't have to come here, what is this the 21st century?' you thought as your eyes drifted towards him, the guy who easily made your cold heart beat erratically.

Endeavor sat there not showing any emotion other than his normal intimidating expression his presence was impossible to ignore with his aura and signature flames, you could tell he didn't want to be here either but he did his hero work dutifully, your eyes trailed over his strong arms that were crossed over his chest, what made it even harder to look away was the fact that he was wearing a suit which is a rare occasion but the meeting was formal, the fabric strained to stay intact, you felt that of he flexed or took too deep of a breath the fabric would just tear apart and the buttons would go flying off, you kinda wished this would happen as you let your thoughts wonder.

How it'd feel to have those hands caress your body, to hold you tightly as he lifts you up supporting your weight, how his musculare arms would be wrapped around you as you ran your hands all over his musculare chest, you let your thoughts wonder as your eyes drank him in basically undressing him, you craved him, everything about him, not just his body, his mind, his soul, his heart, his love, you internally sighed, it's not like you both had any chance of that anyway, you snapped out of your trance feeling someone's eyes on you, looking up you realized it was Endeavor himself who was staring at you, you knew you were caught red handed and there was no getting out of it so you went with it and just smirked at him, sending a small wave.

You weren't a shy or meek person at all, you don't easily back down and your arrogance often put you in bad situations, like this one right now were your having a staring competition with Endeavor, a few silent words being sent between you both including him telling you to stop eyeing him up and focus on the meeting and you refusing and questioning why he's staring at you, your silent conversation would have went on if Aizawa didn't nudge you telling you to focus hey gave him a glare "don't tell me what to do" you growled and he just ignored you, looking back at Endeavor he was focused on the meeting again.

You sighed and put your attention back on the speaker but your attention wasn't at him, you started thinking about Endeavor and yourself, your memories together, even tho that was a distant memory.

Flashback

You panted running as fast as you could, the sun was blazing down on you with no mercy, you were sweaty and tired after an hour of this 'dammit dammit this is bad this is such a pain in the ass' "(y/n)! It's over you know!" you heard him call out behind you and started willing your body to run faster, you were almost there, just gotta- your eyes widened as he ran past you at an inhuman speed at this point "dammit! Oi get back here!" you yelled after him as he ran past the line and stopped, he stood there arms crossed staring at you triumphantly as you passed the line and put your hands on your knees panting, you looked up at him and stood up straight, he was panting and sweating as well, him having more stamina than you definitely proved to be useful in this situation "I win" he said smugly and you weakly glared at him half heartedly "damn you, how the hell do you have so much energy after all this training? It's so fucking hot!" he chuckled "I'm used to the heat little vixen" he smirked and you huffed "right right, so what should we do now?the rest of the class is still way in the back" you said straightening up as he smirked helping you and lead you to the benches "let's wait for them here it'll take them along time before they catch up to us" "true, we are the strongest in the class after all"

(character introduction by Mic)

Todoroki Enji Quirk:Hell Flame, he can create fire out of nothing and manipulate it to his will, it's useful in long ranged to short ranged attacks, while it's a very versatile quirk it has some dangerous drawbacks such as hyperthermia and burning the user. (we know the details ya'll.. Hehe... We're all Endeavor bitches here.... At least I know I am)

(L/N) (Y/N) Quirk:Demon Queen, she can transform into demon like creatures fully or partially (think Mirajane from FT... Even she has nothing to do with me coming up with this quirk) the demon form boosts her durability, strength and speed, she can also create shadow like substance that comes from her skin (this one is heavily influenced by venom yet I had the idea for a longer time and it worked in a different way), while the demon form is close ranged and strong in combat the shadow is long ranged and more versatile and can be used for sneak attacks, it is however weak against fire types which makes for a very interesting combat against Todoroki Enji.... Oi Shut it!.... Oh yeah she is also very hostile!... OI!, she also has phschokinesis and Telepathy

(I tried leaving the quirk blank as I hate it when authors apecify the quirk but I had to when I needed certain abilities for some parts... Sorry guys)

Enji chuckled "indeed" he sighed and looked at you as you threw aside your gym jacket remaining in your sports bra and gulped down some cold refreshing water "damn, sensei is really making us go through hell and back recently" you said stretching "well we're in UA after all, they're teaching us everything important" Enji said as he followed your every move, glancing at him you smirked "like what you see Enji?" he blushed slightly and got closer to you "so? What if I do? Can't I admire my beautiful girlfriend?" he said pulling you into his chest, while you both were sweaty it didn't matter to you, you smiled at him and pecked his lips (you're kinda tall ok, I assume he was shorter than this in high school) "oh I don't mind at all, as long as I get to admire my handsome boyfriend in return" exchanging a few kisses both of you were even more breathless now, just as it was getting more heated the idiots (your classmates) started arriving at the finish line, annoyed, both of you parted and glared at your classmates, while they were non the wiser as to why they were being glared at by the two most terrifying and powerful students in all three years of UA classes, they were deeply terrified and avoided you both in favor of keeping their lives.

"aright class that's it for today, as always Todoroki and (L/N) are ahead while-" you didn't really listen to the teacher talk and looked at Enji "so where should we go tonight? I wanna have some us time before the exams, we'll both be busy, especially that our agency has weird ass timings for summoning us" you said sighing "well there's a festival and it'll start tonight, maybe we can go I know you like those things, even tho they're filled with people" he said, you hummed thoughtfully then smirked at him "you mean I'll get to see you in a Yukata? I'm definitely in" he grumbled and sighed "yeah yeah, very funny, I don't get what you like about me in Yukatas anyway I look ridiculous" you chuckled "actually I love seeing you in a yukata you look very hot in them" he glared at you unamused "very funny (Y/N) very funny, you do know you'll have to wear a kimono as well right" he smirled as your expression turned into a mortified one "hell no" "its tradition my dear you'll have to wear it" you sighed hanging your head down, as the teacher dismissed the class "fine" you grumbled annoyed making him laugh in amusment " so cute I'll see you at the gates"  he said and walked towards the boys showers "OI who are you calling cute pyro? I'll kill you!" you yelled after him and he only chuckled in amusment at your outburst "I swear to God that jerk has a death wish" you grumbled heading into the girl's showers, meanwhile the entire class stood there watching the same thing that happens everyday that they should be used to it by now but every time they all gawk at your interactions like people would at a very unnatural show at the circus "guys... What kinda relationship do these two have? Are they supposed to be lovers?" one guy asked bewildered "I mean... I think? They're both demons all the time so I think this is demon love?" said one of the girls "this is so odd... They interact like they want to rip each other's throat out" said another girl "I'm too tired for this man, let's just go change and leave, I'd like to go to my very easily understandable life at home for toady" said one guy and everyone else agreed as the crowd left.

They have the right to think that your relationship is wrong and very odd, after all neither of you would show their true self in front of them, your affection and love is saved for behind closed doors, both of you are too proud and care about your tough image to show affection infornt of others.

These were the good times, neither of you knew what was coming your way, and how it'd shatter your relationship

That night both of you showered and showered and got dressed as you were doing your makeup you felt arms wrap around you "hey there" you said looking at your boyfriend in the reflection of the mirror "hey my love" he said making you blush and he chuckled at you "you done yet?" "nope, still have to do my hair" you said while putting on your eyeshadow, he humed and grabbed your brush and started styling your hair "hey... What are you-" you went to object by he stopped you "helping, I'll do your hair while you do your makeup, we'll be done faster" he said and you sighed "fine, just don't make me mess up" he hummed not answering and continued styling your hair, somehow you both worked in harmony and easily.

A little after you put the last touches on your makeup he was done putting up your hair and put a golden hair pin in it, one that you haven't seen before, you looked at your hair and at the pin fascinated by it "wow, this is... Really beautiful" you stood from your chair and turned around looking at him with a smile as he blushed lightly "I saw it and thought of you so I got it" he avoided looking at you in the eye you went up to him and kissed him gently "thanks love, I love it" he smiled pulling you in a hug, as you helped him with his Obi (the belt) he looked at you with such admiring look "what?" you asked feeling nervous from the staring "nothing, nothing at all just watching my hell queen" he smirked at you and you hid your face embarrassed 'damn him, knowing how to fluster me' "sh.. Shut up" he laughed pulling you to his chest as you both stared at each other's eyes exchanged a few kisses (your lipstick has sealing agent OK? OK).

A couple minutes later you parted, putting the last few touches you grabbed your stuff, phones, keys, wallets and went to the festival, throwing comments at each other like always, arriving at the festival you looked around watching all the stalls and couples and friends going around, it was too crowded which was a pain in the ass for the both of you, but you decided to ignore them and went around, gokmg around, trying foods, sweets and playing games, you getting extremely pissed at some people here and there, a lady in particular who was sticking her nose in your business "you know for a lady, you sure do have a filthy mouth" Enji said smirking "shut it ashes! She pissed me off" you said still angry "I don't mind, you're cute when you're angry my vixen" he said smirking making you blush and narrow your eyes at him "Todoroki Enji if you fear for your life you better stop fucking calling me cute" you said glaring at him, he put his hand on your head patting it slightly "there there, don't be like that I was just joking" you pushed his hand away and huffed, "you're on thin ice Endeavor" you said "is that so (H/N)? Well I better be careful then" he said pulling you to him, he was really warm "yeah you better" you said calming down and getting lost in his eyes as he leaned down kissing you.

Both of you slipped away to an abandoned side of the festival to.. Uhh... Stargaze yeah that... Nah ya'll did the horizontal tango.. Except it was vertical, as he held you up, your back on a tree for support. (I suck at writing smut.. Go to the festival smut Enji fic, I don't remember what the exact name was but the content is, you and Endeavor are dating, go to the festival, then hookup on a tree cause you ain't wearing panties, you aren't wearing them here either)

The festival went well You both had fun and teased each other competing over who's best at winning games and ended up going home with a lot of prizes.

Good memories are the best you can always look back at them and smile, but if you've lost the person you made the memories with, then they just become a painful slow poison that flows through you, slowly killing you.

It was during your work studies as third years when it started, you both went to the same agency, while the pro you went to was the top, he wasn't exactly a good person, extremely misogynistic bastard, who's ego is too fragile to admit a woman can be strong, which is why he despised you, like a snake he kept poisoning your boyfriend, filling his head with what he knew would get to him, tricking him into thinking you're using him, that he's getting weak cause he depends on you to have his back while fighting, like a devil on his shoulder he keeps telling him more and more lies, he made sure his plans are effective by firing you from his agency so now, student you had to find herself another agency, every agency in the same area accepted you by looking at your records, yet once they saw the name you were denied, you didn't understand why and remained without an agency for weeks which was bad for a third year, you found out that it was because of him he either bribed or scared all the so called pros from taking you, till one who didn't give a shit about him accepted you, the problem was, that you were four cities apart from Enji, which put the long distance strain on your already strained relationship.

It was a sunny day, unlike the cliché it was dark and stormy and raining, you both met after a long time apart, and while your convo started calmly, it quickly escalated to a full blown fight.

"YOU LEFT ME! YOU DECIDED TO GET AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS YOU CAN! FOUR CITIES? WHAT THE NEARBY CITIES RAN OUT OF HEROES?" an infuriated Enji yelled at you, with the distance and how grueling the work was, you two didn't have anytime to meet at all, "Enji calm down for fucks sake! Allow me to explain I didn't have the time-" he interrupted you furiously "didn't have the time? What you're done using me? After everything! After everything that happened, how I trusted you, how I confided in you, how I always fucking ran to you when I needed someone! You don't even call anymore either! Not even a phone call, What you're bored of me now? You found someone else? Of course you did! You can't keep your legs closed you slut" you slapped him hard your hand hurt but it didn't matter, your heart hurt worse.

If only he listened, he'd have known it wasn't your choice to go so far.

"how dare you! How dare you accuse me of cheating you asshole! I'm always loyal to you because for some fucking reason I'm in love with you! You think I didn't try to be around you more? You think I didn't deprive myself of sleep for days just to take extra shifts and have the time to come back here for you? How can you claim to love me if you won't trust me? Did you forget what we went through together? How I always stood by your side nomatter what? You're a selfish greedy bastard who's only capable of loving himself!" you yelled angrily at him.

If only you knew, if only you knew, that this isn't his thoughts that this isn't his opinion.

Both of you not backing down both of you boiling with rage that's going to burn down your relationship like his beautiful quirk, that you loved so much and thought fit him so much, with his attitude and how he's always going forward like an out of control fire, he always seemed like a God of the sun to you, now his quirk was making him into Hades himself, king of hell and death, the one who shall drag you to hell to torment you for your sin of loving him.

"you're so fucking bold pretending to be a Saint! You're a manipulative bitch, You think you can just walk all over me woman? You're beneath me! There's no reason for me to stay with someone like you, who's going to set me back I don't love you this was all a mistake! An illusion I've lived in for so long" your anger disintegrated morphing into heartbreak and sadness, you two fought a lot, and while calling you a cheater and a slut hurt, you still had your love, you would forgive him like you always did, and likewise he'd forgive you like he always did nomatter how bad you both went against each other yes it was toxic, but both of you were broken, and this is how you functioned... But saying he doesn't love you is what actually broke you, what cemented this argument as the worst of your relationship, the end of it.

He seemed to realize what he said albeit too late, still arrogant you refused to cry in front of him "I hate you! We're over Todoroki! I wish I never knew you! I despise the day we met! I curse the day we became friends, you can go to hell!" and still arrogant Todoroki didn't try to take back what he said, and refused to show his hurt over you saying how you hated him and his existence, how this brought back some unwanted memories." great! Then We're over! Thank God" he yelled and marched past you.

Both of you broken, both of you saying things you shouldn't have said 'please comeback! I love you! I forgive you' you internally cried clutching your heart.

'just turn around, fucking turn around, go back to her she's your safety, go back to your angel.. You stubborn arrogant bastard!' Enji scolded himself, looking back he saw you walking away, head hung low, he knew he hurt you, as he willed his body to follow you, reaching out a hand he almost called out for you 'she makes you weak' he heard the pros voice in his head 'she's going to drag you down' 'she's using you' and although he knew non of this was true, he didn't call out for her, he turned around and continued walking, having the same internal fight with himself.

'comeback to me please! My sun!' turning around you looked at his retreating figure willing to calm out for him, yet to stubborn and too hurt to let word out, seeing him still walking away with such anger and intensity in his posture and such determination, determination to what? 'to get away from me? He's that eager?' your tears fell as the pain inside you grew, turning around you ran away, away from him, away from his pain, from his burning love that always felt welcoming now feeling scorching hot like it'll burn you to ashes.

Five seconds

Five seconds, was the difference between them, if he looked at her retreating form for five more seconds he'd have seen her turn around with a broken and longing, loving look.

Five seconds, if she's looked at him five seconds earlier she'd have seen him with his hand outstretched for her

Five Seconds

After hours of walking around aimlessly they decided to go home, well Enji did (Y/N) went to her friend's apartment which she had the key to, Enji sighed seeing the empty apartment they both shared, their home together, after going about their day like zombies doing their homeworks, training, studying like they're on some sort of auto pilot, they went to bed, alone for the first time in years, it really downed on them then, it's over, their home was gone, they both broke down, home was with their significant other, home was were they felt the love between the two of them, as they both cried alone, showing their hurt and weakness.

After hours of crying and begging for the other to come back, they both stared at the ceiling sending a curse to the heavens that broke them, that decided they didn't suffer enough in the past but had to suffer more, as Todoroki Enji looked at the small velvet box he was clutching onto, he opened it looking at the beautiful (gem) ring that he planned to give to her.. Well if she said yes of course "which you would have, wouldn't you my vixen", meanwhile said woman was curled in her bed unable to shed anymore tears, clutching her stomach she let out a dry chuckle that turned into a sob "it's OK my little angel, I love you, I'll always be here for you, sorry daddy won't be around, he's not a bad father I swear, I'm the bad mother, he... He doesn't even know you exist.. I'm sorry I know... He would have loved you"

Untold secrets, surprises that'd have brought laughs and tears of joy, brought pain onto two poor unfortunate souls that night.

END FLASHBACK

You sighed remembering these memories brought a heaviness on your chest, your refused to think about it anymore, otherwise you'd cry, now that would be hard to explain, why would the demon queen hero cry at a.... 'wait what are they talking about?' you thought focusing on them "while there's a massive increase in crime after the events of Kamino ward a couple of months ago in a lot of these areas there's a considerable drop in crime in these areas, we think it's due to the hero agencys there, as the zones are where the Endeavor, (H/N), Hawks, Edgeshot Miruko and lot more agencies and work areas are" 'ah right, crime stats, we're at that stage means next stage is... A word by the mentioned heroes... Great I wanna go back to kicking villain ass already, I have such high status cause I was doing my work not sitting in meetings.. This shit is useless, and seriously? You think? Of course it's because All Might retired AND was revealed to be a skeleton.. Haha... OK it's not funny... Nah it is... Speaking of which... I'm assuming Endeavor is pissed from becoming the top by default... Damn I hate becoming Two by default... Well damn... Would you look at that... Were where we promised No.1 Hero Endeavor, No.2 Hero (H/N)... Things didn't go as planned.. But we got there haha... FUCK! '.

You directed your eyes back at Endeavor, it hurt, really hurt, hearing on the news that he have been married, you really thought you could reconsile, yet he was avoiding you like the plague, like he hated your very existence, at first you decided to let him calm down and get his thoughts together, then you got busy with your child, after about a year his avoidance to you sky rocketed, he went from not looking your way for more than a couple seconds to totally ditch the room you are in the second you walked in, you pushed the thoughts to the back of your head and focused back on the speaker, and it was time for the heroes to speak, so Endeavor went first, speaking about efficiency and tactics and sidekicks, yadda yadda 'damn I forgot... He could be so boring sometimes... He's lucky I love listening to his voice anyway' you smiled slightly, not exactly listening to what he's saying more like listening to him, next was Hawks a new kid basically which wasn't here either 'heh kid can't even get to a meeting-oh dear I didn't just-... Fuck.... Damn kid is good tho he rose to the top real quick, good for him, if he keeps that up he'll pass All might himself... Now wouldn't that be cruel to Endeavor... And to me... That's gotta suck.. A kid surpassimg me? Heh yeah right' focusing now on other things to distract yourself from your memories you made a mental note to try harder somehow, maybe take on new districts, you were next, after making a comment about how you don't really like making speeches you went on and gave a small (kinda) speech, (can't think of anything) arrogantly expressing how good you are and how it'll just get better, you threw a few comments about being efficient and throwing shade on the other speakers while smirking at Endeavor who glared at you.

Later

"damn I am glad this is all over, I was starting to get a headache" he sighed walking out "it wasn't like you were focused (H/N)" you heard from behind you, turning around you came eye to eye with Endeavor, well chest even tho you were wearing heels and already tall, he towered over you (bruh like I'm 6'1... He ain't that much taller than me lol.. He intimidating tho) "well hello to you too Endeavor, what makes you so sure I wasn't focused?" you said crossing your arms, his eyes did a quick scan of you, you wore (idk choose what you want just make it formal, I hate when authors tell me what to wear lmao...) while you did the same to him" well you were too busy checking me out " he said crossing his arms as well, both of you not backing down 'as always' both of you thought.

"I wasn't checking you out, I was just looking" "for what exactly?" he narrowed his eyes "I don't know, to see if you're still in one piece, especially after all the madness that is Hosu and Kamino, that was kinda a bad situation while I was there in Kamino I wasn't in Hosu, All For One is a nightmare but Stain.... Its said he froze everyone with his blood lust" you smirked "well I handled it" he said growling "yeah I fucking saw that" you said "so.... How's it going? Other than the Hosu thing what did you do recently? And Kamino of course" you asked, he looked at you for a second as if thinking you're not serious about asking him but he sighed seeing you're serious "well, Shoto came to my agency for the internship, the school allowed first years to do them because of recent events" "right the USJ attack" you said.

"I heard through a trusted source that him and the green haired kid and the Iida kid are the ones who beat stain actually, right?" you said looking at him "how did you-" he was shocked then sighed "yeah, they did but because they didn't have their hero license they would have been expelled so it had to be covered up someone had to take the credit, and it happened to be me, I hate taking fake credit" he said annoyed "yeah, I know you always wanted to be the best by your own standards" you said and he looked at you with a soft expression, 'you always know me so well huh, can't believe some bastards actually think I took the credit because I wanted the fake glory' he thought while admiring you 'even after all these years' he sighed, you felt his gaze on you, as you fell into silence, trying to avoid the awkwardness you changed the subject "by the way Shoto doesn't seem like the type of kid to break the rules like that, and wasnt he supposed to be with you?" you asked and he hummed "the other two went there first then the Midoriya kid texted Shoto his location, he just left me on the street and ran there" he said shaking his head, you laughed slightly and nodded "yeah he seems close with that kid, especially with the sports festival fight" you said then suppressed a laugh "what?" he narrowed his eyes at you "nothing you're just kinda.... Funny.... SHOOTOOO" you said trying to copy him but breaking into laughter before that "OI... That's not suppossed to be funny" he grumbled "whatever you say" you said taking your breath.

You looked at him expecting him to be at least annoyed by your antics, yet he had a soft relaxed expression, you smiled at him "what?" you asked softly "nothing, it's just... It's been a while since I had a good conversation with someone" you smiled "really?, well good to know I'm up to your standards" you said, you two chatted for a while after that as you walked around the streets.

Endeavor couldn't help but crave you, your heart, your Love, your body, he wanted it all back, "and then that vigilante kid jumped into my fire to get the woman that was controlling the bees, I can't believe these vigilantes" he continued with the story you nodding "well it is reckless and out of the law to be a vigilante so I'll have to agree with you" you said as you both walked around, both of you having your hero suits with you, well... He just activated his quirk burning the suit to reveal his hero one underneath, now that shocked you for a second, while you (idk however you guys wanna do it, my OC has a pretty small suit... Kinda revealing lol.. So it doesn't take much space.. Can be carried anywhere... She also had it under her clothes.... Its kinda like League of Legends Jinx.. Kinda not totally).

You both attracted a lot of attention, and as always he just ignored them, you'd just wave at a random person, not out of accepting their over excited idiocy, but because you enjoyed watching them fall to the ground from how they're over reacting 'hehe.. Vixen' you thought, as he was telling you another story a bank alarm went off, both of you rushing there to stop the burglary but as you got there the thieves were all on the ground passed out, you both blinked in confusion, with your reaction time you should have gotten here fast "And next time think twice before breaking the law, because you'll find me in your way everytime, and it'll be over before you know it" yelled the hero that stopped them, flames engulfed her in a similar fashion to Enji's, her hair being on fire as well, her hero suit seeming to be the same as him except hers has the top half like a top showing her entire middle and arms, it worked in favor of showing her toned abs and biceps, while it'd have been inconvenient in the cold for anybody else, her flames eliminated that possibility " Fourth Rank Hell Queen Hero Inferno" Endeavor said looking at her "oh?.. ENDEAVOR SAN what brings you to my district? Oh and (H/N) too what a surprise.... wait what're you two doing together?" she asked jumping and landing infront of you two, standing at a height identical to Endeavor himself "pleasure to finally meet you, flame hero I gotta say you're my role model, we have the same quirks you see? You inspired me to become a hero" while you stared at both of them.

Endeavor heard what he always heard from his fans yet that girl wasn't being a fan girl, she spoke with bride and arrogance, she really meant her words yet she was professional and wasn't being an ass kiss like others, he took her outstretched hand shaking it "glad to hear it, more importantly glad to have a fan who can actually speak and use her brain" he said and she chuckled and smirked "damn must be my lucky day, getting such an acknowledgement, anyway what're you doing around here? You're kinda far from your agency, are you on a mission of some sort? Need a guide?" she asked "did neither of you really turn off your falmes on your hands?" you mumbled, both of them seeming to hear you they looked at you "flame heroes" said Inferno "(H/N) you're aware I'm fire proof right?" "right" you said wondering how she made him agree with her so fast.

"anyway... Why the hell didn't you attend the meeting?" you turned to her and asked her, she sighed "I was busy, every crook in the city lost their damn minds today" you said "it's mandatory to attend Inferno you could have left them to your sidekicks" she sighed "jeez Okaasan chill, I couldn't leave, my sidekicks are taking care of some things, there's just that much chaos around" she crossed her arms "right right still-" "besides if I went I would have just had to sit there while you ogled at Endeavor anyway" "OI! ZIP IT KID!" you yelled then glanced at Endeavor who gave you an amused look "wasn't staring huh?" he smirked "don't listen to her" "oh so you did~" she teased "NO!" "yes she did" "oooohhh damn" "shut up, and you need to catch up on what was said in the meeting" "you can brief me later woman"  she sighed "ne Endeavor San you were there as well right?" Endeavor looked at her " I was" "great maybe you can brief me too, ne tell me, not that I'm complaining but you don't talk to people that much, yet you're holding such along conversation with me, why's that?" Endeavor seemed surprised himself "me and your mother knew each other a while back we were just talking and then ran into you" he answered and she nodded Satisfied "wait... Mother... You knew Endeavor and didn't tell me? You could have let me meet him years ago!" she said " well we didn't talk for a while.. A few years that is" and as the conversation went on you guys stepped away from the scene, a totally different thought going through Endeavor's head and a similar yet different thought going through yours 'Okaasan? She's her daughter huh...so... Back then... '

FLASHBACK

A couple weeks after the fight they graduated high school and both of them focused on thier careers, she never came back to their apartment, they both had worked part time jobs and full time in summer since middle school and saved up, getting a good head start to their rent and the bills they'd have to pay, they'd have to work during UA and it'll be hard but they'll manage, as long as they get away from those hell holes, the ones they were raised in, wouldn't even call it home... It was hell, and they both escaped it into this haven they shared, well.. Not anymore.

As time went on, and as he realized how stupid his mentor is, it is true he depends on her on the battle field alot, but she depends on him too, they're both the power couple of the hero world Endeavor and (H/N) with how similar/opposing/complimentary their quirks are, they can deal with any situation with speed and efficiency no one else is capable of, he realized how he was a Fool for listening to his mentor, with a determined mind he left the agency after the day was over, walking in the cold weather, wasn't any trouble to him with his quirk, yet it brought a smile to his face thinking about her and how she loved (or hated if that's your preference) the winter, and the snow flakes, how even if she isn't cold (or cold) she'd still hold on to him wrapping her arm around his waist as he wrapped his around her shoulders, he smiled at the memories of them together, 'damn... We have a memory associated with everything' he sighed.

Buying her favorite flowers, a gift that he knew she'd like, at least he hoped she would with how mad she'd be at him, and a speech of apology that he prepared and embarrassimgly practiced, and the ring 'just in case' he thought 'just in case it all goes well, and I spontaneously propose I have the ring' he smiled, he really didn't mind if he'd have to beg for forgiveness, he acknowledged that he instigated the fight and escalated it while she was on the defensive, while he didn't let her even talk, he loved his Persephone and he'd throw away his ego for her.

Arriving at her house he sighed, it's been over a year, it shouldn't have taken me so long he thought, as he sighed going up the small steps and raising his hand to knock, he saw something that made him freeze on the spot, like his blazing quirk was replaced with ice, through the window by the door, he saw his beloved, as beautiful as ever with a child in her arms, an infant, a very small one at that, she smiled at the baby in her arms as she cooed softly for it, he couldn't see them clearly but there was someone sitting on the other side of the couch, 'no... That's not it, she's just babysitting or holding the baby for one of her stupid friends' he thought trying to convince himself that it's not true, as his thoughts raced he was interrupted by the cries of the child, he watched them again as she pulled the child closer to her chest giving it her nipple as it started feeding and stopped crying, it hurt hurt like having every bone in his body broken, hurt like he overheated himself 10 times over, hurt like acid running through his veins, with all the pain and heartbreak all common sense escaped him, that the child may be his, it looks like it's a couple months old, he failed to notice that the shadow of the unknown third party is her annoying cheerful friend who for some reason have always been at their home, she didn't even chatter with them she would just stay there with them. (best friends be like... Your home is my home too ha).

Turning around he walked down the steps, his fury so intense that his quirk burned uncontrollably disintegrating the gifts he brought for her, except a single red rose that he had added to the flowers collection ironically due to a comment about his hair from her, the red rose had Slight burns on it and it laid on top of snow covered in ashes.

Five Seconds

Five seconds, If you looked at the window by the door five seconds earlier you'd have seen him.

Noticing a sudden brightness that disappeared outside your friend looked at you questioningly, the light seemed to grab your little girl's attention as she stopped crying becoming fuzzy as she twisted around in your arms reaching her hands up curling her hands in a graby motion, you shushed her as your friend went to check.

Walking outside (F/N) saw the rose and the ashes she realized what might happened, and as she contemplated it she realized that if (Y/N) finds this she'll be broken again, she'll go after him and he won't even let her explain, they'll fight again and he'll abandon her again, seeing her broken for the first time was painful enough, she sighed picking up the rose and tucking it away in her jacket creating a wind draft that blew the ash covered snow away "what is it?" came your voice from being her "is something out there?" you asked looking at her "no... Its nothing" she said closing the door.

Shrugging you went back to calming down your baby "you look so much like your daddy, my sweet little burning flame, my Kouen" you sang to her softly putting her to sleep, she had her dad's hair and eyes, she was stubborn even as a baby, she was born prematurely and heavily underweight, which is why she looks so small for a 6 months old, the doctors told you she might not make it but as you spoke to her daily in the incubator, telling her to fight and live, she kept fighting and you managed to return home with your baby, your reminder of your lover, such an amazing thing you two created, oh how you wished she met her dad, how you wished to see him carry her "you are looking for him aren't you? You're wondering where daddy is, God you'd have been such a daddy's girl" you cried as you talked to her.

If only... If only he rang the bell that day, if only your friend told you what she found then maybe, maybe it'd have gone differently.

END FLASHBACK

By now you had walked to Inferno's agency and went to her office (look ya'll gonna be having some conversations that don't belong in the streets OK? OK)

"So Okaasan?" he asked "hm? Oh right, (H/N) is my mother, what didn't tell him you got a kid... Damn that's cold" "hush "Endeavor San did she tell you about me?" "she didn't" he said looking at you "it didn't come up" you said, "oh OK then... if that's the case allow me to reintroduce myself, the Hell Queen Hero Inferno, daughter of the Demon Hero (H/N), no clue who my dad is tho, never met the guy" she said shrugging, "Inferno, that's enough" Endeavor seemed intrigued "you never met your father?" "nah never, mom says it's complicated" she shrugged, both of them looking at you "what?.. What do you want? I'm not opening this subject again Kou" "Kou?" Endeavor looked at her "ugh dammit woman! The Name's Kouen or Kou-Kun, Kou sounds too soft and childish" she crossed her arms "Kouen, enough" "Kouen? Like flames or prominence" Endeavor asked "hm? Oh yeah like that she wouldn't tell why she named me that either, gotta have to do with my flame quirk" she said emphasizing on it by manipulating her flames, turning it off as well.

"see? I do have hair I just choose to keep it on fire" Endeavor stared at her, now without her flames he can see her more clearly, the red short hair on her head, not a shade different from his own, her sapphire eyes that had the same shine to them, her facial features while feminine yet harsh, resembled his own way too much, the confident posture, the way she talks, somehow.. Somehow his same attitude, "interesting... so if you don't mind me asking how old are you?" he said "oh I'm 28 mom had me at 18.. Kinda irresponsible don't you think?" "irresponsible indeed" he said and she nodded turning her flames back on " yeah, she said she knew my quirk since I was born, good thing she went after my fire quirk not Demon Quirk, as you might know I have a hybrid quirk, her Demon and Flame, would have been weird" she said (Her quirk is a perfect mix, she has the perfect hybrid quirk) "agreed, so (Y/N) care to join the conversation?" Endeavor said looking at you who was standing there silently, you sighed "yeah, going the fire way was the right call" "you guys are on first name? Damn what'd I miss?" she asked "Kouen dear... Care to go over there for a sec? I need to talk to Endeavor about something" you said using your authoritive voice, even tho it was rarely effective "why? What do you wanna talk to him about all of a sudden that's a secret?" "Kouen please.. Now" you asked again "Inferno, care to give us a moment, I have something to ask her too" Endeavor said and she looked at him and sighed "sure thing, I'll be over there, just yell for me when you're done" with that she walked away.

Endeavor looked at you questioningly crossing his arms "so you have a daughter, a flame quirk daughter who's 28?"

You looked at him quietly, guilt and anxiety filling you " yes.... I do" you sighed "and she doesn't have a father, never met him and you never told her who he is" "I didn't want her to go chase him, in case he didn't want her, I didn't know... What he wanted" you sighed looking down, taking a deep breath you looked up at him, instead of anger or anything of the sort you saw patience, and hope "is she..." he asked, not dating to complete the question in fear of disappointment in case if the universe is just that cruel to him "she's your daughter" you said "I was pregnant, that day.... I was going to tell you... But then we had that fight and I just... " you took a deep breath "I didn't know what to do, whether to tell you or not, not like you'd listen to me anyway, you started avoiding me after that" he sighed "I did, God... I can't believe that I... Missed Twenty Eight years of my daughter's life.. Yet again... It was my fault" he said looking to the ground "Enji no... It was both of our fault, we should have listened to each other, we've always been so.... Aggressive and hot headed, we dug our own graves basically I should have told you maybe... "  "I knew" he interrupted you.

"what?" you looked at him, he hung his head down, taking a deep breath he looked at you, regret and pain in his eyes "I went to your house, over year after it all ended, I nearly knocked but then...then I saw you, sitting there with someone next to you, sitting there with an infant in your arms you looked so happy and content, with some other guy, with his child, Cobra's (your work studies Pro) words ringing in my ears, that you're not loyal to me, that you used me and didn't love me."he said looking at you" even... I even went to you that day cursing him and his teachings, his false ideals, cursing what he did to us, you know I found out he fired you? He told me that you quite" he  said "God you're such an idiot you know that?" you sighed then looked at him "I know" he said looking at you "wow he even admits it" you smirked.

"That day... When you saw another guy with me... You didn't really see them right?" you asked he looked at you confused shaking his head "thought so, well that was (F/N) she was staying over to help me take care of your very fuzzy stubborn ass daughter, damn she's stubborn as hell as you can see" "I should have checked, I should have known, I KNEW that you're loyal to me, just I should have asked you" he said, his flames all going out "man you really deserve a slap for all this, or a punch" you sighed shaking your head "you're right, I do, you can go ahead I was a terrible boyfriend, an even worse father to her, and to my other children he said taking a deep breath closing his eyes and opening them again.

"later, not in front of your daughter.. Now why don't you go introduce yourself?" he looked at you shocked "what? You're not mad at me? At all?" "No, I'm not..we've already spent so long mad at each other, look where it got us, let's just throw away all the anger and just... Live, and you're not off the hook yet... your next mission is to go to your daughter and tell her you're her dad, to be fair I do have a lot of the blame, when she was a child she connected the dots, how we were in the same year and how she's basically a copy of you, and the quirk.. God... She didn't even ask she straight up Said 'Endeavor is my dad' and I spent the entire day proving her wrong... So it's not only on you and damn is that kid smart"  you said crossing your arms sighing.

he looked at you in shock "so she knows?" "pretty sure she does, she's just pretending to have bought my lie" "right" looking behind him he looked at her, she was standing at the other end of her office looking at you both intently, waiting for this 'talk' to be over, Endeavor signaled her to come over and she walked to you guys "sooo... That looked deep... This isn't a business talk at all... Looked personal" Kouen said she stood in front of you "no it isn't" you said "Enji?" "more first name basis? Wow" she said looking at him "Inferno... So I don't even know how to say this, and I'm terrible in these things but... Look Me and your mother used to date in high school, we broke up, due to my mistake and.... I'm your father I know I haven't been there for you at all, I don't have the right to ask you to forgive me but I'll try.. I'll try to be the father you imagined me to be a hero that you're proud of- huh" not letting him even finish she hugged him "I've always been proud of you, that's the first thing I told you when we met dammit" she said holding on to him tightly, "you didn't know, when I met you today I knew it's my chance to reveal who I am to you, that's why I told you all that ya know? I ain't that chatty with people" Endeavor stood there not knowing what to do for a second he was shocked, but slowly he wrapped his arms around her, pulling you close as well the three of you stood there just holding each other.

The heavens are done punishing him, the heavens are done punishing you, apparently now... Now you can be together, even if it's a bit complicated.

TIMESKIP

Kouen met Shoto and apparently they both bonded, in some weird way, Natsou and Fuyumi as well "well we lived in the same house as him yet we didn't see him so there isn't a difference between us at all" Natsou scoffed "Natsou that's not appropriate! Come on" Fuyumi said "it's OK, Fuyu don't worry about it" Kouen said "he's stating his opinion" they all talked for a while before Kouen had to excuse herself "sorry guys I have to go, I have a meeting with Hawks and Dad in Kyushu, you guys are going to your mom right? Want me to drop you off?" she asked "no it's OK we got it" Natsou said "You don't wanna be late for meeting up with Hawks right Ne-chan?" Fuyumi teased making the older girl go red "O...Oi shut it... I'm going to meet dad not that fried chicken" he flames turning on Fuyumi giggled as Natsou wiggled his eyebrows "ah huh right right, more like a hot fried chicken" Natsou said "JUST GO ALREADY YOU TWO" she yelled making them laugh at her while she marched away from them using her flames she propelled herself forward flying to Kyushu (ya know like FIRESTORM in Flash and Legends).

LATER

The attack goes the same with addition to Inferno helping in slowing down high-end when Endeavor was temporarily down, put getting tossed onto buildings as well, and her helping with the flying up cause she's fire proof unlike Hawk's feathers, she separates right before he turns hood into a mini sun, in her fall she notices Dabi in the distance, yet when She lands she ig ores it to make sure dad is fine first, cries tears of joy when he's standing, goes to him and is ready to smack a hoe whne Dabi shows, he isn't fazed until Miruko shows up like what happened in the Manga.

TIMESKIP

A couple weeks after, Endeavor leaves the hospital, While Kouen didn't have the same injuries as him she got a pretty bad hit which endangered her life, the heavens decided to be merciful again and let her live and walk out there with HIM "you know, mom is going to kill us right?" Kouen said, Endeavor shook his head "that's what I'm dreading" he sighed making her laugh at him as they both went home, Endeavor still lived at his house but he'd come to their house from time to time, now he went their cause (Y/N) said she'll take care of her two heroes "after she kicks their asses she means" Endeavor muttered as they reached the house, as they got in (Y/N) told them to rest, not five seconds later they both had to dodge the chancla (lmao) "dammit woman!" they both said simultaneously "nuh uh, you two don't get to sync on me! And you two don't get to get THAT injured on me" smacking both their heads hard she returned to making the food as they complained about her hitting injured people.

You sighed making them their dinner, normal homemade ramen for Enji, a death penalty of spicy ramen to Kouen, you smiled softly hearing them talking about how she's too rough on two injured heroes in the line of duty, sighing your thoughts drifted to his other kids and his wife, yes you knew their story, yes you knew what happened but you couldn't help but feel you're stealing him from his wife somehow, like you're the bad person, but yet again what happened to you two wasn't fair, the cruelty of the universe stole him from you so you shall steal him back, you're fighting a war, a war with destiny, and you shall win, it's fair right? Yeah it is, you grinned its all fair when it comes to love "it's all fair in love and war my love~".

After dinner was served you guys just rested all day, with them both asking you for stuff "I swear to God you two sound like whining 5 year Olds" you said getting them another thing, five minutes later they were about to ask you something "next one who asks for something ridiculous I'll break another bone of yours!" you threatened shutting them both.

.

.

"love you" both of them said and smirked at you

.

.

"fine what do you want?" dammit.

TIMESKIP

The window opened as the mysterious figure climbed in through with ease, looking at the peacefully sleeping woman, with hatred, she looked so beautiful, so perfect, so disgusting!

The figure grabbed the woman with ease covering her mouth, as she struggled she couldn't break free, she couldn't move, they were so strong, everybody peacefully asleep, unaware of the horror that's happening, looking at her attacker her eyes widened, she was in shock, her attacker smirked, the white haired woman tried to scream but she couldn't, the gloved hand that covered her mouth wouldn't let up "hello Rei-San" said the (h/c) woman with a sickeningly sweet smile, "you might be wondering why am I here... Well... Let's just say this... After so many years... I've been reunited with the love of my life and I won't let anybody get in my way... You are an obstacle, unfortunately for you... I'll have to get rid of you" you sang as you knocked over the base that held the beautiful withering flower "what a shame.... You were also doing so great... But you had a sudden psyche break.... And you decided to... End it all... End the pain" you sang sweetly, using your quirk to control her, her struggling stopped as she got up quietly, tearing down object after object, throwing around such precious letters that she had, pulling her hair, scratching her self, she looked down grabbing the broken shards of glass, she looked at you with hopeful puppy eyes, too sweet innocent, with such fear behind them, begging you to let her go, you nodded go ahead and she smiled "yes Master" she said in a sweet obedient voice, looking back down her hands, she brought the glass to her wrists and started cutting, cut after cut after cut till her arm was covered in cuts, then her other arm as tears slipped passed her fearful yet giddy eyes, her white clothes were covered in beautiful crimson color, her legs were next, looking at you again "come on baby.. Don't be afraid, it'll feel good I promise~" she smiled again, grabbing the pen from the floor she held it tightly in her hand making a string fist, pushing it full force she stabbed her eye, pulling it out she looked at you "master" "it's OK baby go ahead~" you smiled in approval, with a grin she aimed the pen again "thank you Master" she said in her cute obedient voice sending the pen through her other eye, pulling it out she dropped it to the floor "Master?" "I'm here. My sweet pet.... Now sit there like a God dog" "Hai" "dogs don't talk.. Hmm... Oh I know... We can just.." Raising her hand with the glass she stuck her tongue out, pushing the piece of glass through she cut through it till it was off, vocal cords next, somehow knowing where to cut exactly, reaching the glass she started cutting through them, choking on her blood and beading out, she sat there obediently, as blood and tears fell from her eyes, "good girl... Now.. Die" she sat there for a couple more seconds then dropped dead, drowned in her blood and having bled out, as the crimson surrounded her, you almost felt jealous " don't worry my little puppy, you can keep (F/N) company in hell hehehe~"

Going out the window like you came in, leaving no trace at all of your existence you smiled as you looked at the moon "my beloved is mine now... And mine alone"

TIMESKIP

You were sitting in the living room watching the news, this being your day off, you looked up at Enji and smiled "hey my love, come join me" he smiled at you, drying his hair having just came out of the shower, he only had pants on, as you admired his strong muscles he sat next to you, giving you a sweet kiss unlike the passionate ones you usually shared "you looked at him and smiled "what? You seem to be in a very good mood today did something happen?" "it's nothing" Enji answered looking away "I just... I'm happy... I got you back my Persephone" he said making you giggle "my beloved Hades, I'll always come back for you" cuddling closer together you decided to find a movie or something to watch.

Later

You both just sat there, watching movies, and messing around... Doing some adult Tango, you were both just relaxing when Enji's phone rang, you both ignored it for a while but then he looked at it due to the persistence of the caller, looking at it he saw Shoto's number he answered "SHOOTOOOO" you put your hand on your mouth to cover your laugh "what is it?" "come to mom's hospital quick" came Shoto's panicked voice "what?.. Why what's going on?" "I don't know, I came to visit her but they won't let me in, there are police cars around, they're saying I shouldn't go in there" "OK... Calm down... I'm on my way" hanging up he got up to get dressed, you looked at Enji "what is it?" "I don't know, Shoto called from the hospital there's something wrong" he said sighing "SHOTO'S AT THE HOSPITAL? Is he hurt? Is one of kids? Was it another villain attack?" you panicked, he smiled, God he loved how you worried about these little kids it made his heart flutter, then shook his head "no they're OK, they're at Rei's hospital, he said they won't let him in and there's police cars around" you looked at him shocked "shit... Is Rei OK?" you asked "I don't know that's what I'll have to figure out" he then looked at you weird "wait... Did you just ask if Rei is OK? And with such concern?" you huffed "we're actually friends just so you know" you crossed your arms "is that so"he said watching you get dressed" yes, we talk a lot.. I go there when I have time... I'm coming with, I wanna make sure Rei is alright" "alright then hurry up" you glared at him as you quickly got dressed "well excuse me my suit isn't as easy as yours" soon you both left for the hospital, one unaware of what awaits at their destination, the other playing her act very well.

Later

Arriving at the hospital the three kids were standing there anxiously as the fourth was trying to calm them down "guys, come on it may just be because of the recent villain attacks and all that" Kouen tried calming them down, the second you two walked in they all ran up to you "Oyaji make them tell us what's going on in here?" Shoto started immediately " I got this, calm down, where is the person in charge here?" walking up to Rei's doctor after spotting him "what's going on here?" he asked him "what's with the police and preventing the kids from going in?" the Doctor looked at them with a sad and devastated look, "sir, there was.... Something happened yesterday, during the night, we're not sure what may have triggered her but-" the Doctor was evading, getting impatient Natsou stormed past the guards taking them by surprise unable to stop him, like a domino effect, he was immediately followed by his siblings, and Enji and you, reaching the room first taking a look inside " Okasa- huh?" he froze, a look of terror in his eyes, "Natsou what's wrong?" Shoto reaching him second he looked inside and like his brother he froze, Kouen was next seeing the scene before her she was shocked, snapping out of her trance just in time to pull Fuyumi's fave into her chest to stop her from seeing, but she got a glimpse, and it was enough to throw her into tears "w... Wait.. What.. What was that? O... Okasan?..what" as Kouen hid her sister's face both you and Enji stared in shock at the scene before you, the scene seemed to be out of a horror movie, a nightmare the the silence was deafening, till a scream of pain erupted from Natsou, followed by Shoto, and Fuyumi, your tears just falling silently "Rei... What the hell" you looked at the doctor grabbing him by the collar "what the hell happened here!" you glared at him, it wasn't a question, it was a a demand for and answer "she... She did that" he fearfully admitted "what?" "the hell are you talking about?" as he now got attacked by the questions of everybody each yelling and screaming and demanding answers "I don't know... We found her like that in the morning, she seemed to have some sort of psyche attack, it's undetectable, it happens to a lot of people from different ages, and lives and jobs, she destroyed everything around her then did this" he fearfully let out "destroyed everything? That must have made a lot of noise, why did nobody check on her?" Endeavor asked glaring at him "I don't know, I wasn't here at night" "then who was" Inferno asked glaring at him "I don't know.. I don't know" "there isn't a single drop of blood in some of the scattered things, the ones further away from her, the destruction was done before she bled, meaning if you Checked the commotion you'd have caught her before she did anything" Inferno stated, while that increased the chaos, it wouldn't change anything, she's gone.

At the funeral, a lot of tears were shed, a lot of pain and anguish, a lot of perfect acting, a lot of comfort for the hurting friend, that lost her new friend, a lot of comfort from her beloved.

If only, if only on that day (F/N) told you what she found, then Rei would have lived, then these kids would have been yours, if only she spoke, then she wouldn't have been in hell with Rei.

FLASHBACK

"(Y/N)... Come on stop..." your friend struggled, "then tell me, what're you hiding" you said, holding her tightly "I'm not hiding anything" she said struggling to get away, your quirk was way more superior to her air manipulation, she could only manipulate small portions, while your demon quirk did a lot, "yes you are" you said, using your quirk you put her in a trance, "confess" "It was my fault the dog got out, I left the door open" "dumb bitch, Kouen will kill you" "yeah, but I'm more scared of you, you'll kill me of you find out" you narrowed your eyes at her "if I find out what?" "that I didn't tell you... About Todoroki" you looked at her now curious and angry "what about him? (F/N)" fear filled her eyes "that he he came here" "WHAT?" you see in shock "the hell did you do? Why did you never tell me?" "because he left, he saw you with Kouen, he saw you with the baby, I think he thought it isn't his and that you moved on so he left, when I went out to check that flare of light, I found ashes, all over the snow, I found a single half burned red rose, so I hid it it, I hid it all, I knew you'll run after him, I knew you'll fight and that he'll break your heart again I couldn't" she said crying, you looked at her with anger and hate "so he came here! Before he moved on, before he married and you didn't tell me, that's why he started avoiding me so much, he thinks I moved on from him, now he's married, and has two kids, my chance is gone.. Because of YOU" you yelled in anger releasing your control "please I was just trying to help-" "silence!.... 7 years! 7 years I could have had him! 7 years we would have lived together! And for more years to come! You're a fucking whore! What were you jealous of me? For having a lover? While nobody even looked at you?" you yelled "that isn't it! I was just" "just what? Worried about me? I've always fought with him, that's how we always have been, you tried using your brain, that's the problem (F/N) you're a stupid bitch who ruined everything!" your friend cried "I just tried to help" she got up to leave but froze, your control on her again "now where do you think you're going?" you looked at her smiling maniacally "we're not done here"... 5 months.... 5 months you tortured her, 5 months for the 7 years she took away from you, you would have went longer, but she was too weak, and died.

If only

If only, you didn't try to play the hero, General studies trash 'if only you trusted my strength and told me what happened... Then we wouldn't have gone through that'

END FLASHBACK

Everybody went home that day, depressed, questioning what happened to her all of a sudden, the havens are really cruel huh... They had to take such a delicate loving woman in such a cruel way, as each one of them ran to their lovers for comfort, one woman was in no need of comfort, for she was a demon in human disques.

TIMESKIP

This is after the Endeavor hero agency arc, after the Ending attack.

Man you felt tired, it's like you were frozen but it was quit the opposite, you layed on the ground coughing as blue flames surrounded you "how sad... Hero" you heard the teasing voice of Dabi "you really are weak.... Don't deserve your rank at all" he said pinning you down sitting on top of you to prevent your movements, "look at you.. So pathetic" "if you're gonna kill me then do it already, a hundred other heroes will take my place, and bring you down" you grunted and coughed out blood, Dabi looked at you shocked for a second then laughed maniacally "man that is good... That is good (H/N) they usually, beg for their lives by now.. But no actually, I'm not doing this to stop the heroes.. I'm doing this to hurt him" he grinned you looked at him shocked "what?" "well killing you will hurt Endeavor badly, I'd have gone after the one that looks like him but it's harder to fight fire with fire I have other plans for her anyway I need her alive for them.... oh? Don't tell me you don't know? Well I'll explain to you, before you die you have the right to know anyway.... " ya'll insert his reveal and the message that was broadcasted by the hacker guy it's too long to type and this is too long already.

" so... As you can see here... Dear beloved woman of my father killing you will hurt him, and her, her flames of revenge will burn bright, as she tries to kill her mother's killer, would she have the heart to kill her dear brother? Would dear dad let her? Would he stop her? Or would he join her? Would his perfect creation Shoto take his brother's side? Or would he take the side of a half sister he just knew and a father that he despises, what about Natsou... And Fuyumi too... Oh and Okasan you know it's wormg to try and steal a married man? Well I'm not one to judge...hahaha.. A lot of possibilities here, too sad you won't live to see them" as he spoke he started burning, stronger and stronger, by the time he was done it was excruciating, "you're... wrong" you coughed "huh?" "you're wrong Touya" you smiled at him, a maniacal smile rivaling his own, paralyzing him... "What the hell is wrong with that woman? She's insane" "you made a big mistake Touya~" you sang his name, he froze 'the hell?' "what the hell are you talking about? Why aren't you screaming in pain? Why aren't you dying!" "hahaha hahaha the thing is... You just threatened my darling, and I just..... Can't let you live to do any of that haha haha" you laughed pushed him off, fear crawled up his back, paralyzing him, as you walked closer to him, the flames burning your flesh you just grinned at him "wh... What are you!" "me?... I'm the demon dero my dear... What exactly did you think demon hero meant?" he leaned down towards him "those who fought me, and were worthy, got to see it, my other form" you laughed looking at the scared Dabi "don't worry it's not that baad~ my beloved Enji saw it before, he said it's not scary" you grinned as your form shifted, into a much taller creature, it was covered in shadows, eyes glowing red, sharp massive teeth glowing "demons are made of fire Touya~ we don't burn in fire, we strive in it, we crave it!"

Dabi stared at the demon in fear as the demon reached its claws for him, just before he was grabbed, a portal opened suclimg him in, the demon screamed in anger, losing its Prey, its OK.. However... It'll get its chance again someday.

After All

All Is Fair In Love And War

Right?

"...... After All Touya is such a beautiful name~" Dabi or Touya sang as he danced on top of Machia "come dance with your son in hell Endeavor"

.

.

.

"... I really enjoyed what I did to Hawks actually... It was very satisfying"

.

.

.

Meanwhile the broadcast explained everything, including the illegitimate child of Endeavor, and the scandal with Endeavor and (H/N)

As Enji just froze, and Shoto fought, Kouen was torn between her revenge and her brother, her family... They wouldn't want her to kill Touya.

As the battle progressed she made up her mind, she'll get revenge, for Her lover, he hurt Hawks, he destroyed his quirk, he tarnished his image, he nearly killed him, he put him in pain and suffering.

It wasn't fair, what happened to him, but she'll fix it. She'll kill Dabi for him.

After All

All Is Fair In Love And War.

END ?

DAMN FINALLY!

(I don't specify a gem as you can choose your fave as I prefer rubies due to their intense red color... With a black band instead of silver.. Introducimg my dream ring lmao... Also in Japan proposals aren't the same as in US and other similar countries but this was a more obvious way of showing the events)

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Another Place: Lev and Danny

I just had this thought and had to go with it. Consider this the final (maybe? Probably not, I am having too much fun) installment of this, this, and this involving Danny becoming friends with @untilthepainstarts‘s Lev as part of an online support group for trauma survivors, realizing the similarities in their experiences, and eventually meeting in person! Thanks, Dotty, for help with this one!

CW: Vaguely referenced past trauma/torture and noncon.

“Are you absolutely certain this is food?” Danny cocks his head, staring down at the plate that sat between them on the kitchen table. 

Lev laughs in response, shaking his head, a bit of dark hair falling over his face as he pushes the plate just a little closer, a soft scrape along the surface. “I promise it is! I promise. If you’re here, you have to try vegemite, right? It’s basically our national food.”

“What is it?” Danny leans in closer, his eyes slightly crossed, as he focused on the single piece of toast sitting in front of him, with a light spread of something incredibly dark brown, vaguely shiny, and a touch nerve-wracking. He looks up at Lev like a child looking up at their mother over a plateful of steamed broccoli sprouts, and Lev laughs again, hardly able to stop himself.

“I just said, it’s vegemite-”

“No, I know you said that, but, um, what… what is vegemite? It looks like chocolate-”

“Tell him that’s what it is,” Graham calls from the couch, where he and Nate had been sharing stories in low voices the other two couldn’t quite hear. There’s a grin on his face that tells Danny without having to try a bite that it definitely isn’t “Tell him it’s chocolate.”

“No!” Lev puts on an expression of mock anger. “I’d never be mean like that! And look, you’ve made him all red.” He gestures with the vegemite-covered butter knife he’s holding in one hand at Danny, who has indeed gone a bit red, his scars paler than his skin in the moment, freckles darker than ever. 

He’d come into the air conditioned apartment and pulled on a zip-up over his already-long-sleeved shirt, and to his relief neither Lev nor Graham said a thing. So he’s huddled up in it now, the closest he gets to warm, about to eat something utterly unrecognizable. 

“No, I should have… I should probably know what it, um, is,” Danny mumbles, feeling kind of stupid for thinking it looked like chocolate at first.

There’s a low murmur, Nate speaking to Graham, Graham speaking back. Then Graham calls out, “I was just teasing you a bit, yeah, Danny? Sorry. We get it basically in our bottles, here, it’s kind of a novelty when someone doesn’t know right off.”

Danny doesn’t become any less red, but he likes the way Graham is always ready to apologize and doesn’t think Danny is weird for being tripped up, or embarrassed, or too shy to ask things on his own. 

“It’s made of yeast,” Lev says, smoothly, as though the moment hadn’t happened, and Danny likes that, too. Move right past things, and let Danny pretend he’s better at this than he is. “Yeast mixed with… a bunch. Look, give it a try, it’s… salty.”

“Bit bitter,” Graham added.

Danny frowns. He reaches up and pokes at the side of the toast with one finger. “And you put it on toast? Like jam?”

“I can sense that you feel some trepidation here,” Lev says, not quite teasing. “Look, give it one bite, yeah? Then you can say you tried vegemite, you’re a proper Australian tourist then.”

“Can I ask you something?” Danny asks, picking the toast up with both hands If Lev’s eyes drop to the scarring that is dug so deeply into the backs of his hands, it’s not obvious, and Danny isn’t watching for it any longer. 

He likes their apartment - it feels like his, a little, all cozy and all the signs of two people making a home together. It feels like people who know how much it means to get the chance. Knowing each other’s stories means that all the questions that normally ring so loud in Danny he can’t think are much quieter, because he already has the answers.

Did you ever get scared to sleep in the bed? - Yes, at first, less with time

Are you ever afraid that everyone knows?  - Yes. That never fully leaves

Do you ever wonder, during, if you like something because he made you like it? - Yes, oh God, you don’t know what it means to have someone else ask that question, Chem

L, I’m kind of scared to ask this one - go on, ask, Chem, we’re friends here and you know I won’t lie to you, this place means something, being here - okay. do you still dream about him all the time and it’s not always a nightmare?

It had taken Lev two days to answer that one. 

Then, finally, just when Danny had thought he’d fucked up and lost his first friend who really understood him before they’d ever even learned each other’s name, L had sent his reply. Can I tell you about the dreams? I can’t tell Bond.

Bond - L’s name for his partner, on the message board, and Graham Pierce might be the opposite of James Bond but Danny kind of liked the joke, anyway. He’d just called Nate the Badass, as in the Badass is ready for dinner, got to go.

Nate had hated that nickname. Danny used it anyway.

Sitting in Lev’s apartment, about to bite into what he’s fairly certain smells weirdly like soy sauce, he feels better than he feels anywhere else but his own home. In a place where everyone knows, everyone has lived it. There’s a shorthand they can all rely on with each other. There’s comfort in that. 

Danny takes the bite, and it’s… there, in his mouth, and yes, salty and bitter definitely describe it. His very American brain is screaming at him that jam goes on toast, or peanut butter, something sweet and not this, not at all, get it out. Lev watches him with a smile, humor sparkling in his dark eyes, head slightly tilted to the side.

If Danny weren’t wearing a wedding ring on his left finger, and Lev weren’t head over heels for Graham Pierce, he could have flirted with Lev, he thinks. Well, if he weren’t also so traumatized he’d be terrified of the very idea. 

Danny manages to swallow the bite, which feels like it gets lodged halfway down his throat just to spite him. 

“Well?” Lev asks, flash of white teeth in his smile this time. 

“Yeah, how is it?” Graham calls from the couch. 

“… can I, um, have a beer, please?” Danny asks, and both of them laugh, Lev actually clapping his hands together and nearly resting his head on the table, he’s laughing so hard. Danny’s whole face flushes red, and he feels a little humiliated - look at the fucky American, can’t eat vegemite - but there’s too much genuine light and kindness in Lev’s face for the feeling to do more than come and go.

“I’m sorry, Danny, we’re sort of nationally terrible about doing that to Americans. Pretty sure it’s a rite of passage.” Lev gets up to look into the fridge, grabbing a couple of bottles of beer out. “Apparently we’ll find some brown sludge that sticks around after making yeast and our first thought isn’t ‘oh, that looks like engine oil’ but ‘that looks like it’d be nice on toast’. But we’re a country that eats kangaroo steak, so…”

Danny grins at that, taking the opened beer when Lev holds it out to him. “Thank you for giving me beer,” He says, automatically, some part of him briefly gone and then back again. “I am grateful for every gift I am given, and every breath-”

He goes still, for a fraction of a second the apartment had… shifted, and been somewhere else. Dark eyes had been colorless and shifting. His heart speeds up and he takes a deep breath, holds for five, lets it slowly out again. 

My name is Daniel Michaelson, and Abraham Denner is dead.

Again.

My name is Daniel Michaelson and Abraham Denner is dead.

Lev has gone still, too, watching him closely, reading the change in posture and expression with the perfect knowledge of someone who has seen Danny’s expression on himself in the mirror. “You all right, Danny?”

Something in the tone of Lev’s voice catches Graham and Nate’s focus immediately and they turn nearly as one. It’d be funny if Danny wasn’t feeling unmoored, like he wasn’t supposed to be here, like this had never happened. 

“Danny? Do y-you need a minute?” Nate asks, in a low voice. 

“I’m fine,” Danny says, and his voice is a little weaker than he wants it to be. He hesitates, then takes a drink from the beer, swallowing again and again, half the bottle gone in one long go. He sets the bottle down with a thump on the table. The salty bitter taste is good, washed away by the darker taste of the stout. “I’m fine, guys. Really fine.”

“If you’re not really fine,” Lev says, softly, and his hand is on the table, a few inches away. No closer than this, but close enough for compassion to show. “This is the best place to be. You can be not-fine for a bit here, we do it all the time. I’m pretty much a professional at being not fine.”

Danny lets out a soft huff of laughter, and the world settles back into place, into time. “I promise I am. That, um, happens sometimes, still.” 

There’s a shorthand they share. Questions already answered, knowledge that never needs to be spoken to be understood.

Sometimes I forget where I am, when I am. Do you do that, too? - Yes, on good days for a second or two, on bad days it feels like hours

Do you feel safe? - On the best days, I think I almost do. 

Could you still say all the things he made you say? Do you remember them all? - Every fucking word. I could type it all out to you right now, without thinking. 

“Happens to me, too,” Lev says lightly, as if they’re talking about having trouble remembering they left a book and not flashbacks and monsters that keep trying to climb out of the dark and back into their heads. “Tell me what you think of my idea, Danny - Fucked Up Support Group Movie Night? Only in person, this time?”

The world is solid and real around Danny as he smiles brightly, crinkling the scar at his nose, the lines dug into his jaw stretching a little. Nate, watching him from the couch, relaxes. 

Graham, watching Nate, relaxes, too.

“That sounds fucking great, L. You pick.”

Lev grins, brightly. “I know exactly what I want to watch, Chem.”

Graham groans from the couch. “Damn it, I think I know what he’s going to pick. Is it-”

“The Mist!” Lev says, to Graham’s resulting good-natured groan.

“I haven’t seen that,” Danny says. “Is it good?”

“Is it-… yes. Yes, that’s what we’re watching tonight. Go on, get to the TV. I’ll bring you another beer. You two want them, too?”

Calls of assent and gratitude from the couch, and Danny settles into an armchair, folding his legs up and wrapping his arms around them, turning himself far smaller than it ever seems like he should be able to, drinking his beer and watching Lev bring the rest in to clink onto the coffee table, bottle opener beside them. 

It’s nice to know someone else who knows without having to be told.

It’s nice for there to be another place in the world that feels safe.

It’s a good day.

He feels safe.

[narcissasdaffodil]

Thank you for the tag @kiki-the-creator @codename-mango and @voile-de-lune this gives me a perfect excuse to ramble and talk in depth again!

1. What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Iris. Some people know my real life name too, so if you do, please don’t use it on here. I make a serious effort to separate my real life from online life.

2. When is your birthday?

22nd February

3. Where do you live?

Wales, UK. That’s how specific I’m willing to get.

4. Three things you are doing right now?

Listening to music, thinking in general, and considering writing/editing something.

5. Four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

LITG definitely, that’s by far my main one. This blog is a split between LITG and positivity. I’ll chuck Choices, The Haunting of Bly Manor/Haunting of Hill House and Taylor Swift in there too. This blog has way more than just those 4, but those are my main ones.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you?

Back at the start of the year, I was getting better mental health wise, and starting to become a proper adult in general. Then the pandemic hit, and my mental health fully stabilised and has mostly been stable. I’ve had a couple anxious spirals and anxiety attacks since then, but I’ll always have anxiety and depression, it’s all about how I manage my shit and not let it overwhelm me too much. And, ooh! I started my first year of uni in September, and uni in a pandemic is definitely a strange experience. Online lectures actually fit better with me, not having to struggle to hear is great.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

I’ll cheat, and go for two albums: Folklore and Evermore have definitely made my year! Those two have been on pretty frequent repeat, so yeah x

8. Recommend a movie.

Booksmart and Ladybird. I can’t remember watching anything in the past year, so here’s two recommendations from past years.

9. How old are you?

I’m 19, 20 in 2 months and a day! I don’t always keep a realistic count either, but oh well. It’ll be weird when I do hit my 20s for real though, it appears at the moment I’m likely to have a lockdown birthday.

10. School, university, occupation, other?

University and I’m mostly loving it! I love my course, and am so relieved that past me decided that English wasn’t my thing, or even half the weird stuff I got tempted to do. 4 years ago, I seriously wanted to be a child psychologist despite a dislike of children and sucking at Maths and needing a B to even take Psychology. I scraped a C, so Psychology was out, thank god.

11. Do you prefer hot or cold?

Cold by far. I hate hot weather and the summer with a passion. With cold weather, you can add more layers, hot weather you can’t do much, just get more and more uncomfortable!

12. Name one fact others might not know about you.

I want to be bilingual/trilingual in terms of long term life goals. I’m very slowly teaching myself French and Welsh. Both languages are on hold for a bit, but I plan to pick them back up.

13. Are you shy?

Yup. I plan words in my head when I do speak, usually the conversation has continued without me in groups, hell, even group chats that happens! For me to go unfiltered I have to be very comfortable with you, so if you’re starting to hear me talking about more weird stuff (I call it weird o’clock for a label) you know I’m very comfortable, especially so if my messages sound weird and I sound high. Which I’m not, just unfiltered.

14. Your pronouns?

She/her

15. Biggest pet peeves?

Slow walkers, noisy eaters, people who eat with their mouth open, people who move/take my stuff (like, I had it like that for a reason.), loud people, people being nuisances late at night, peer pressure/influencing people in general (I’m pretty damn stubborn, so if I don’t want to drink, there’s no way that you’ll influence me to), arguments, large groups, people who use me for a therapist, dogs (that’s more me not being comfortable with loud noise, things jumping up on me, being absolutely terrified of dogs/having a genuine trigger for them), people who mock strange/rare stuff about people (a serious amount of stuff about me is strange/weird. So you’ll need to find a different person if you want something not weird!), interrupters, being ignored deliberately, and I think that’s it! Phew, that’s a lot.

16. What is your favorite “dere” type?

I used to be into anime, but that was way too long ago, so I have no clue.

17. Rate your life from 1-10

Likely a 7/8. As my mental health is mostly stable, I can actually write and do creative stuff without letting other people tell me it sucks (well, if you hate my stuff so much, do you really need to tell me? Heck no, in my opinion anyway.) I don’t quit stuff just because I get negative feedback any more,

18. What’s your main blog?

I only have this one! My LITG/positivity/random crap one, which started as a mental health recovery/positivity and fandom blog, then gradually got more chaotic as my own creations appeared.

19. List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

I don’t use side blogs, mainly as when I used to have multiple accounts on other social media, I’d always end up sticking to one and neglecting the others. I don’t know how multiple blog people do it, seriously.

20. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

If your first interaction with me is via an ask box, it might change a little bit once we properly message. I ramble, and talk about a serious amount of strange crap just because it interests me and do spam a lot when I do create stuff, so if spamming makes you uncomfortable, you’ll have to give me a heads up. But also what you see is pretty much what you get, I’m straightforward in that if you’re an arse to me, or people I care about, I will cut people out pretty quickly. I have no patience for people who lash out at others and do set boundaries with people. On a slightly more positive note, a side effect of chatting to me a lot is that I do gush about people’s work a lot. If I love something someone creates, my motto is always telling them! I’m human sunshine for a reason, but even then I can’t always keep it up, so don’t expect me to be constantly happy!

Tagging: @ravenadottir @confused-lesbiam @ajs-wife @bubblybabynailpolish @lucas-koh just tagged the first set of names I could think of!

[queenlua]

HI!, so I have an online friend and I’m thinking of inviting her to my graduation cemeony/pary. We’ve never met and this would be the 1st time that I see her. I’m terrified that it’s going to be super super awkward and that we will have a lot of silence moments. What do people talk about? Also, I’m inviting my old friends and some family and I’m afraid we’re going to engage in talking and she’s going to be left out w/o me being aware. Is it a good idea to invite her in the 1st place?

hi anon!  i am not sure why you’re asking me in particular, but i fuckin love putting on my Dear Abby hat, so thank you for giving me this excuse, haha.

short version:  i’d suggest, if there’s any way you can meet them in a quiet, one-on-one situation prior to graduation, do that, then invite them to graduation if that went fine.  otherwise, it depends a lot on what you know about the person.

long version:

* how well do you know the friend?

how long have you known each other? do you IM each other frequently? play any sort of games together? have you ever chatted on the phone? if so, do you chat on the phone frequently? if not, can you chat on the phone before meeting up?  the more you’ve talked to them, and the longer you’ve known them, the likelier things will be just fine when you meet them in person.  i’m very slightly concerned that you’re worried “what do people talk about”—you’d talk to them about whatever you normally talk about, right?  (though, i can chat pretty much anyone’s ear off at any time, so i have never had this problem in general :P)

(also, i am not mentioning the obvious question of “are you sure this person is who they say they are, and is a safe person?” because i am assuming you are somewhat savvy.  a decent rule of thumb is “have you known them for at least a year, and are you meeting in a public location for the first time;” there are other sensible rules of thumb, but you should probably use at least one.)

* how comfortable would the friend be in this situation?

i can make myself comfortable at any party.  if i don’t know anyone i’ll chat up some strangers, i’ll introduce myself, and i’ll be guaranteed have a good time.  i have zero shyness telling strangers “oh hey yeah i know so-and-so because we obsessed over Fire Emblem for years over the internet, how do you know them”

so you could totally invite me to any random fucking party.  but is your internet friend like me?

if so, go for it.  if they’re more shy, maybe ask them how they’d feel about it—perhaps they’d be more comfortable hanging out at a cafe or something the night before your big day.

* how much context does Friend have on your life, and vice versa?

when i moved to the same city as this one internet friend, i was surrounded by a bunch of goddamn computer nerds, so introducing her as “hi, this is my friend Mary Sue, we’ve been playing online RPG games together for three years” was an extremely normal thing to say, and everyone was chill and happy and curious to meet her.

but if your mom is confused by what you’re up to on That Internet Box All Day, and your brother’s liable to make fun of your friend for being a nerd, and if your friend seems to be of a very different type than all your other friends—don’t set them up to be uncomfortable!  good manners is the art of making people comfortable, and all that.

***

also some random anecdotes from my experience, in case they help:

* in general every internet friend i have met irl has been great!  there’s a bit of an initial strangeness in encountering someone’s irl physical and vocal mannerisms for the first time, and that can be very slightly awkward, but in my experience the awkwardness passes in 10-20min, and then you get all the joy of realizing this stranger with strange mannerisms is, at heart, the same internet-person you have known for a long time, and you can delight in knowing them in this new way.

* the first time i met up with a friend from a wolf RPG, i actually hopped in her car and we drove to a nearby wolf refuge, haha.  (i would not ordinarily advise hopping in a stranger’s car but we knew each other VERY well.)  so we had plenty to talk about, comparing the wolves at the refuge to various RPG characters…

* i actually knew one chick who invited the entirety of this one wolf RPG to her wedding.  no one on the game had met irl before.  i wasn’t able to make it (wedding was the same day as a final, for me), but i knew like 5 players who attended, and by all accounts they had a lovely time and it was not awkward or weird.

anyway good luck rando anon~

[stars-sunsets-and-oliver]

So, I posted this a while back I’m pretty sure.  but I’m too lazy to go find it so I’m just gonna repost. =P

!!!TRIGGER WARNING: SENSITIVE TOPICS DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL ISSUES!!!

Demons

       It sucks being stuck in a prison. Well, it feels like a prison anyway.  I know this isn’t one, but it still feels that way when you're trapped here because nobody wants you. Nobody loves you.

           It’s basically a boarding school, but so much worse.  All the kids here would be put into foster homes for a while, then brought back or adopted, except for me.  Constantly watching other kids find homes. Watching kids smile and laugh as they meet new parents, even if they’re only there for a time.  Being left alone… to myself.  It’s very rare I do end up in a foster home.  It’s only happened five times in my fifteen years of being alive.

           I came here when I was two.  My dad left before I was born, and my mom… well, I hate to think about it.  Then I was put here. At first things were fine, everybody understood why a kid that’d been through what I had was quiet, barely even spoke, but now they all thought I was weird. I guess I can’t blame them. I am weird.

            It’s been a whole year since the last time I spoke.  Online school suited me fine. I had books, I didn’t need to speak to get food or anything so it all worked for me.  Except that nobody cared, except the demons.

          Well, I suppose they only care about when I’m afraid… but that’s better than having people not care at all.  For the most part I was fine.  As long as I didn’t let my imagination run wild I was fine.  As long as I wasn’t afraid, I was fine.

         It was around two in the morning, and nobody else was awake.  I’m often awake when nobody else is. Insomnia makes life hard.  I just laid on my bed for hours most nights.

        Sometimes I think I’m the cause of my insomnia.  I’m afraid of the nightmares that started to plague me after I came here, so I scared myself away from sleep.

          Slowly anxiety starts to cross my mind, anxiety and fear, as I think about the nightmares.  Watching over and over again my mom… then seeing myself not running away.  Watching the demons appear, one by one… creeping up to me, stalking me… then…

         No! I’m not thinking like this.  I stand up, walking quietly over to the door, careful not to wake anybody else.  I cautiously open the door and walk out.  I’ll just take a walk to shake off my nerves then I’ll go back to bed and sleep… I head straight for the hall full of pictures and stories of different kids that have lived here. It’s cool to read all the stories about them.

         I walk down the empty hallway, calmly, knowing fear will only spark them.  If I’m not afraid, there is nothing to fear.  They have nothing to feed on without fear.

        It’s strange, being the only one awake at this hour.  Walking through silent halls, the only noise coming from my footsteps as they echo down the narrow, empty, and sterile hallways, when normally all the other children run and scream.  This place, I don't like it.  I hope I get to my next foster home soon.  It's depressing here.  But then again, for me, it's depressing everywhere.

               Nobody gives me a chance. Everyone ignores me... It's terrifying. Nobody gives me a second glance, I'm the quiet shy kid... Would anyone care if they got me? The thought sends shivers down my spine.

        Suddenly I realize I’m just standing there. When did I stop walking? It seemed even darker than it had been before.

       Then they are there.

        My demons… They surround me, all strange and warped.  They’re all twisted, gnarled, walking and standing in weird ways and positions.  They’re all shiny, looking as if they’re made of oil.  Some sort of inky black liquid dripping off of them constantly, but always disappearing before it hits the floor.  Perhaps it’s my mind making them more terrifying than they are.

        They got closer and closer.  I can see what looked like words carved into their faces…

       Anxiety

      Depression

      Loneliness

      Fear

      So many more… I didn't know there were that many of them…

      Out of nowhere one of them leaps at me.  I try to scream but nothing comes out. I feel nothing as it hit me… I just… absorb it.

      A horrible sense of anxiousness settles down, and I know what’s happening. They’re taking control.

      I try to fight back. As I try to think positive thoughts, but they keep coming. Leaping, flailing, making these awful, wretched noises.  Those that aren’t jumping at me were snickering. Deep, hideous hissing noises that make my brain hurt and feel like jelly.

      There are about half of them left. I just now notice that I’m walking.

      I try my best to see where I’m going, but a lot of the halls look similar here. Eventually, I see a sign and know where I’m going, against my will. I’m headed to the kitchen.

      I struggle again, not knowing why I’m being taken there by them.  I know this fight is mental, but I’m losing all the same.  We reach the kitchen door with about a quarter of them left.

      I don’t know why they were bringing me here, and I don’t want to find out.  I try to fight, but my body moves of its own will.

      The remaining demons keep leaping, faster and faster at me.  At one point I seem to have crossed the kitchen. I’m standing in front of the knife drawer.

      I realized what's happening all in one moment. I surge to stop this before it's over. I struggle to think of all the wonderful things in my life.

      Books, writing, art, finding happiness… but it isn’t enough.

      There are only a few left now, and they still come.

      Five left.

      I open the drawer.

      Four left

      I pick up a ten inch long, glimmering, silver knife.

      Three left

      I struggle to find a reason to fight, any reason at all.

     Two left

     The gleaming metal gets closer and closer to my throat.

      One left

      It rests against my throat. I can feel the cool metal pressing down ever so slightly. I try to fight everything that’s happening, but I’m too weak now…

      None left.

      I can practically feel time slow down as, against my will, the cool metal slowly tears across my throat. I feel every bit of skin slowly separating as the sharp edge cuts across. I feel the thick liquid spill onto my neck and down my clothes.  I smell the pungent stench of copper filling the room. I try desperately to scream, just one last time, but nothing comes out as blood gurgles in my throat.  I watch slowly as black splotches fill my vision.  I fall to the ground, and the knife clatters down next to me.

      They got me. My demons got me.

-----

Please, please, please, give me son feedback!! Whether it’s just a “good job” or if it’s constructive criticism all is appreciated!!

(Especially constructive criticism, since I always wanna improve.)

[bugbearstew]

Why You Should Play Tabletop Role Playing Games or: How I Opened Up And Became A Better Person By Playing Pretend Superheroes

The podcast I do with my friends, @rolltobreathe​ , has become a huge part of my life and a very important thing for me. Tabletop Role Playing Games are fun and engaging and challenging and bring people together and they’ve made me a better person. They are Important.

I never really roleplayed.

I can’t remember a time where I didn’t know what Dungeons & Dragons was. I always knew that it was the Extremely Nerdy Thing that only Extreme Nerds play. A handful of dorks in a basement all around a table rolling dice and shouting spells. Why would anyone ever play that?? Board games are just shitty versions of video games. Maybe it would have appealed to me more if I really understood roleplaying, but aside from the couple of times I entered a Yahoo IM Roleplay Chatroom as a young teen, I never really roleplayed.

It wasn’t really until I started listening to The Adventure Zone, a podcast of three brothers and their dad playing D&D together (although I’m sure you know who they are, everyone does), that I realized how much fun tabletop games, and roleplaying, could be. My twin sister and I decided to try and play a game together with friends online! We spent a while getting everything ready and learning the game Dungeon World, a free and rules-light tabletop rpg built off of the Powered By The Apocalypse system. We played our first game in July of 2016. It was messy but a LOT of fun!

You have to be quick, you have to be clever, you have to keep things moving forward.

Over the next couple of week’s I discovered how hard it is to roleplay. You have to be quick, you have to be clever, you have to keep things moving forward, but most importantly you have to be open and vulnerable. That last part is very hard. There is no creativity without vulnerability, I’ve made things before I know that, however I’ve never done that in the open with other people. I had to say dumb shit! I had to make shit up! I had to suspend my disbelief to play pretend with 4 other people. I had to be someone else. It’s very hard to do that, at least it was for me!

If you know me at all, I’m shy. I take a LONG TIME to get to open up! I played pretend with two people I barely knew at ALL! That is terrifying! But I couldn’t be shy! That’s not how the game works, you can’t be shy! While that’s really scary there’s a quality there that made me feel like it was okay to be… well. An idiot. My first character, Emmyrson, a cleric in a church of an eldritch horror on a pilgrimage to get more people in his church, is just a dumbass! He’s really really nice but he’s dumb and doesn’t think most of the time, but he’s just a happy guy! Emmyrson isn’t shy, so I couldn’t be shy! It’s dumb to say but it felt like the game kind of set my inhibitions aside, and told me that it’s okay to be just a complete doofus.

Being the GM is hard. Significantly harder to me than being a player ever was.

A while into this campaign I decided I wanted to give being the Game Master a shot. My sister and I decided that we would alternate weeks for our campaigns. I ran a game of dungeon world and it was so much fun. Being the GM is hard. Significantly harder to me than being a player ever was. You had to be even quicker, even more clever, even more vulnerable, and on top you had to create this world and the things the players do inside of it. It’s so much work! But it is probably the most fun I have ever had playing games, video games included, that I have ever had.

In February of this year (2017) one of my friends, Yako, brought to my attention a game called Masks by Magpie games. A game about teen superheroes built off of the same engine as Dungeon World, PBTA. I had fallen in love with the system because of it’s simplicity and its focus on storytelling. I was extremely interested in this game. So I bought it! I told my friends, most of them have many experiences with tabletop games and in fact had just started a game of 13th Age that I was going to play too (or maybe had already played at this point? I can’t remember). And practically all of them wanted to play. Due to scheduling conflicts not all of them could but the group was still 7 people, counting me. It was a daunting thing to GM. But I was excited.

A week or so later we did Character Generation. It went GREAT! I was so excited I just remember going on and on and on about how amazing and incredible Masks is! How all the rules and systems are so fun! I remember it being very very late when we finished.

It was Yako who had the idea of making this a podcast. She brought it up a few days before the next session. We all agreed and when the time came to record I was more nervous and anxious than I had ever been ever in my life. There was a lot of times up to recording where I wanted to say “NEVERMIND! FORGET THIS. SORRY.” Somehow, I didn’t. They all were counting on me to play as their amazing characters, in this world they helped create. I had to talk with 6 people that I had hardly ever voice-chatted with before, put together a good tabletop game for experienced players even though I’ve only ever GM’d once before, and on top of all that I had to record it. I was a mess. The first couple of sessions destroyed me.

I’ve never felt closer to a group of people than I do to them.  

It took time, but I relaxed. Everyone had fun, I had fun! And over the months we spent playing, I opened up to them. I’ve never felt closer to a group of people than I do to them. I love my friends.

I feel stupid saying that playing pretend superheroes changed me and made me a better person, but it has. I’ve become quicker and more clever I think. Funnier. I’ve gotten significantly better about creating interesting characters and caring for them! I’ve gotten better at telling stories. It’s helped me understand game design better. But most importantly tabletop roleplaying games have helped me open up and become a more vulnerable person. There have been times in recording where I’ve almost cried. Either at something that my players are talking about or something I’ve had to say as an NPC. It feels good to be emotional, in positive or sometimes negative ways, in a space where it’s not only allowed but encouraged. 

The only reason this story is good at all is because of them.

Being open has led me to being a better creator. I’ve always been very creatively isolated, but in PBTA games, it isn’t just me making the world and the story. This whole thing is a collaboration between me and my friends. The only reason this story is good at all is because of them. Bouncing ideas off of them, their own incredible creativity, or even mistakes have changed the story for the better. I am so proud to be able to call myself their friend every second of every session.

I’ve struggled with things, everyone has, but being able to set aside a few hours every couple of weeks. It makes life easier. It gives me something to look forward too. It’s always the highlight of my week. Tabletop games have changed my life. If you have a group of friends and you all are even SLIGHTLY interested in playing them, please do. They are important, they change you.

[the-punforgiven]

ALL 200

WELL, ALRIGHTY THEN, LET’S GET STARTED

200: My crush’s name is: I’m not sure honestly, I’m kinda not really into anyone super seriously right now. Like I’ve got a few people I think I might have crushes on, but no one I’m certain I do, if that makes sense199: I was born in: A hospital198: I am really: Fuckin dumb197: My cellphone company is: I can’t remember off the top of my head196: My eye color is: Some weird green/brown195: My shoe size is: Too fuckin big I’ve gotta order shoes off the internet194: My ring size is: Honestly? I don’t know, I’ve worn like two rings ever193: My height is: 6′2192: I am allergic to: A very specific brand of hot dogs and a couple types of smoke191: My 1st car was: Well, we’ll see when I get one190: My 1st job was: A Dishwasher, unless you count the middle-school paper route189: Last book you read: Lisa Peschel’s The Runes188: My bed is: A loud-ass-fucking steel bunk bed that I swear is gonna give me a concussion someday187: My pet: Is a cat, her name is Groucho and she’s very shy but I love her186: My best friend: I can’t pick a favourite person, I’m sorry185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever makes my hair flow majestically like a fuckin power metal album, I haven’t found a brand I prefer though184: Xbox or ps3: I don’t actually use either, but PS3′s got some better exclusives I’d say183: Piggy banks are: A thing? I dunno182: In my pockets: My wallet, phone, some papers, and a pendant with no chain181: On my calendar: I.. I don’t presently own one180: Marriage is: Something I rarely think about, sorry179: Spongebob can: Stop airing completely and I genuinely wouldn’t care178: My mom: is a great person and I wish her nothing but the best177: The last three songs I bought were? I dunno whatever the last three songs on Amon Amarth’s Jomsviking album are176: Last YouTube video watched: This one (Or at least that’s what I’m presently watching, the one before that was This175: How many cousins do you have? Too many. (7? I think??)174: Do you have any siblings? Yeah dude I’ve got like 5173: Are your parents divorced? They were never married, they can’t get divorced172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah171: Do you play an instrument? Yes! I can play the guitar and the piano, and I’m hoping to learn more instruments just as soon as I can get ahold of them170: What did you do yesterday? Hung out with a friend of mine, spent the night, played some videogames, talked about superpowers. The usual I guess[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Maybe?168: Luck: Yes167: Fate: Yeah?166: Yourself: if I believe in myself to fuckin fail at everything yeah165: Aliens: Yes. I mean, the universe is so insanely fuckin massive, it’s honestly fucking terrifying to think that this is the only planet out there with life, you know?164: Heaven: Maybe?163: Hell: Maybe?162: God: I dunno161: Horoscopes: Kinda?160: Soul mates: Yeah?159: Ghosts: Yes158: Gay Marriage: Yes157: War: I’m not quite sure what this is supposed to mean, sorry?156: Orbs: ???155: Magic: Kinda, yeah[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: I prefer kisses, but I hug people way more153: Drunk or High: N/A152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Black Haired150: Blondes or Brunettes: Depends on the blonde. Like, platinum blonde hellyeah, but buy-and-large, brunettes, I guess?149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter, seriously a full moon on a clear winter’s night with freshly fallen snow is alone more fuckin beautiful than most of the shit summer can muster in my opinion, and also there’s less chance of me fucking burning to death, which is always a plus147: Autumn or Spring: Spring, rain is good, and spring has the most rain I think?146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night, for the sheer virtue of not getting sunburns, and the fact that a full moon is so fuckin pretty dude144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: How curly we talkin? Like, wavy is my favourite, but that’s kind of middle ground. I dunno, they can both look really good, I guess142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds, though that comes with the qualifier that the only Burger King I have ever visited gave me food poisoning141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: No Dark Chocolate? What the fuck??? Nah, aside from Dark Chocolate being the best kind without debate, I still prefer Milk Chocolate to that White Chocolate filth. It’s not even real chocolate and it tastes like ass140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: High heals, huh? Honestly, no preference138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: honestly I’m ugly and poor and I’d honestly prefer enough money to shower my friends in the wealth an happiness they deserve over a slightly-less-disgusting face137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: I’m not gonna pretend I know enough about American politics to answer this one135: Burried or cremated: I mean, both, kinda?134: Singing or Dancing: I can’t do either, but I sing a lot more than I dance133: Coach or Chanel: I’m sorry, this question doesn’t make any sense to me?132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who and who?131: Small town or Big city: Small town, I get this really weird panic in big cities130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller, I guess?128: Manicure or Pedicure: I.. I don’t remember the difference?127: East Coast or West Coast: Is this referring to where I live, or?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: I would say Christmas since I love giving gifts as much if not more than getting them, but I can rarely actually afford gifts and I always feel like absolute shit for not getting anyone anything, so I guess I’ll go with my birthday?125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate. Flowers wilt, and that shit’s kinda really sad to me for no reason I can describe, sorry124: Disney or Six Flags: No preference123: Yankees or Red Sox: No preference[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: I’d prefer if it never happened, but that seems depressingly unrealistic121: George Bush: I don’t know enough about him to feel confident about forming an opinion120: Gay Marriage: Why isn’t it allowed everywhere yet, like actually what the fuck119: The presidential election: There is no combination of letters possibly capable of describing the twisting in my stomach that comes with thinking about that event.118: Abortion: Honesty it’s really not my place to say, like, I’m almost literally the least qualified person to talk about this117: MySpace: I vaguely remember it, rest in peace you dead service you…116: Reality TV: Not my cup of tea, personally115: Parents: They’re… Necessary to the continuation of life and a common occurrence in nature? I’m pretty sure there isn’t really much alive that doesn’t have parents, how am I supposed to give my thoughts on a concept that widespread? Yeah, things have parents, and reproduction’s been around for millions of years, I guess114: Back stabbers: I’d appreciate it if I wasn’t stabbed in the back, thanks, I mean I’d appreciate if nobody was, but these things happen, I guess. Best we can do is to make sure not to do it ourselves and hope everyone returns the courtesy113: Ebay: I don’t use it, is it any good?112: Facebook: Bad. I mean I still use it, but it’s bad. Especially it video player, like actually what the fuck, Facebook put how much money into itself why is the fuckin video player still that bad???111: Work: Money is good110: My Neighbors: I dunno, I’ve never talked to them, Generally they seem ok though, though exceptions exist109: Gas Prices: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh108: Designer Clothes: Wear what you want, make what you want, I’m not gonna judge you for it107: College: I’d love to go there someday, shame it’s nearly inaccessible for me in my present situation (i.e. Dumb and Poor)106: Sports: Not my cup of tea105: My family: I mean, despite everything, I still love them, I guess?104: The future: I can only hope it’s long and wonderful, I hope the world can love in happiness and peace for the rest of time. I mean it’s not like that’s entirely possible, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: No idea102: Last time you ate: Just earlier, I’m doing good!101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Also just earlier!100: Cried in front of someone: Uhhhhhhhh, back in like, grade eight at some point, I think? I’ve cried like twice within the last 7-8 years, give me a break99: Went to a movie theater: Back whenever Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was in them, I dunno98: Took a vacation: Like middle school, my dude97: Swam in a pool: Not sure. Not like, recently, but not as far back as the crying thing. Fuck honestly I don’t even remember when the last time I wore shorts was96: Changed a diaper: No idea95: Got my nails done: Like never. Maybe once, but I do not remember that day very well at all, so it might have been some weird fever dream94: Went to a wedding: A couple years ago, I think?93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Never91: Broke the law: No idea90: Texted: Earlier?[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: I dunno, I laugh a lot, and I can’t quite pin down who does it the most88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My instruments, honestly87: The last movie I saw: Harry Potter and the Big-Ass Cup? I don’t remember which one. I want to say The Goblet of Fire, but that seems too logical. The one with the hedge maze of death, I wasn’t really paying attention86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Halloween!85: The thing im not looking forward to: Actually making a costume for Halloween!84: People call me: Weirdly nice things, it’s almost as if they haven’t met me or something83: The most difficult thing to do is: Stop time. I still haven’t figured it out82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: No, but I’ve also never driven, so take of that what you will81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo80: The first person i talked to today was: My mom79: First time you had a crush: Back in elementary school sometime. Remembering what I was like back in elementary school, it’s probably best I didn’t say anything to anyone about it78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my fuckin grandma, her presence alone is enough to force the truth out of you77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Earlier today, I guess?76: Right now I am talking to: You, Anon!75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Kick a few habits, hopefully? Maybe develop a few healthier coping mechanisms? I’m not gonna pretend I know what I’m doing with my life74: I have/will get a job: I fuckin hope so73: Tomorrow: I’m gonna hope it goes well, and probably try to get my rent situation sorted out. Chances are I’m gonna really want to do something with some friends and completely miss the opportunity for one reason or another, I seem to have made a habit of that recently72: Today: I’ve gotta try and get some fuckin sleep honestly. I’ve also gotta remember to take that pill lest my stomach attempt to dissolve my fuckin throat again71: Next Summer: I’m gonna set up my Air Conditioner at the fuckin start of it, like a fucking smart person70: Next Weekend: I’ve got no plans69: I have these pets: I have two cats, two dogs, and two birds, it’s a fuckin zoo in here. I mean technically only one of the cats are mine but whatever68: The worst sound in the world: My fuckin midrange, help67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Dude I’ve only cried like twice in reliable memory, only one of them was actually brought on by anyone, so that guy, I guess66: People that make you happy: There’s just way too many to say, but I’d say a great many of my mutuals, followers, and whoever’s been sending me anons, I love you guys, as well as my Discord pals, obviously, you guys rock65: Last time I cried: Season 2, Episode 2464: My friends are: th fuckin best63: My computer is: Not quite my whole life, but a very significant portion of it62: My School: I’m not in one presently, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯61: My Car: What car?60: I lose all respect for people who: Can openly condemn a person they don’t know anything about.59: The movie I cried at was: It, uh, wasn’t a movie, for one, and for two, I’ll take that secret to my fuckin grave58: Your hair color is: Red57: TV shows you watch: Honestly, I just really don’t have time for TV56: Favorite web site: I dunno, probably either this one or YouTube, I don’t do a lot on the internet, honestly55: Your dream vacation: Visiting festivals in Norway and Finland54: The worst pain I was ever in was: When I got an ungodly sunburn on my back. Now, that may sound weak but keep in mind I was like ten and I burn faster than your average tank of gasoline. Like, it didn’t even compare to the times I tore open my legs on rocks, including the one that got infected and the anaesthetic-free treatment for that, just to give an indication of how bad that fucking burn was. I’ve been literally on fire and that was more pleasant than that fucking sunburn somehow53: How do you like your steak cooked: I’m not big on steak, honestly52: My room is: My own. It’s a bit too hot, and it’s kinda small, but it’s mine and I’m very glad to have it51: My favorite celebrity is: Honestly? No clue.50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere with more food, I’m fuckin starving49: Do you want children: Maybe if I am ever able to competently raise some, but until then, no48: Ever been in love: Maybe? I don’t really know, as strange as that sounds47: Who’s your best friend: I’m not picking favourites46: More guy friends or girl friends: More guy, I think? I’m not gonna count them out, and I don’t know if most of the people I regard as friends really regard me as a friend in return, you know?45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Fuckin, Music, man! It’s just so fantastic, I love it44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My dad. He’s a swell guy, I miss him43: Do you have a 5 year plan: A what42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Not really? I’ve got some things I’d like to do, but the chances I’ll ever be able to actually do them are… Slim41: Have you pre-named your children: No40: Last person I got mad at: Not sure. I rarely even get frustrated with anyone, let alone mad39: I would like to move to: I dunno, I don’t really have anywhere I could see myself settling down38: I wish I was a professional: Animator, musician, metalworker, I dunno[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Dark Chocolate Kit Kats, I fuckin love those things so much36: Vehicle: That fuckin huge ass speaker truck from Fury Road that I really want to say is the Doof Wagon, but I don’t remember for sure35: President: Chip Zanuff34: State visited: The State of Bliss is a favourite of mine. I’ve anted to try visiting the state of intense meditation, but alas, no luck yet33: Cellphone provider: No Preference32: Athlete: Honestly I don’t know the names of like any, dude31: Actor: Sir Christopher Lee, may he rest in peace30: Actress: I fuckin forgot her name, it’s gonna bother me for the rest of the week but rest assured as soon as I remember it there’s gonna be an allcaps text post that’s just her name, I assure you29: Singer: Joakim Broeden, Nina Osegueda, Christopher Bowes, and Anna Murphy, presently28: Band: Arsis, Children of Bodom, A Sound of Thunder, Alestorm and Sister Sin27: Clothing store: The fuckin music store lmao26: Grocery store: No preference25: TV show: Metalocalypse24: Movie: Kung Fury23: Website: Wasn’t that asked above? I think a few of these were, actually22: Animal: Snow Tigers. They’re cute but large cats, but with added majesty21: Theme park: I’ve been to like one theme park in my life, I can’t really say20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: Do the Armored Combat Leagues count? If so that18: Sport to play: See above answer17: Magazine: I don’t read magazines, sorry16: Book: I don’t have a favourite honestly15: Day of the week: Saturday, I guess?14: Beach: No idea13: Concert attended: I haven’t attended any, I don’t think. I might have been to one when I was in grade two, but that might have also been a weird fever dream, I’m not sure12: Thing to cook: Brownies and Cake! I just love to bake, honestly11: Food: Pizza and Pasta10: Restaurant: The Colander Restaurant. Literally the most amazing fucking spaghetti I have ever eaten in my entire fucking life. Seriously, it’s the best, go eat there9: Radio station: No preference8: Yankee candle scent: I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a yankee candle in real life, ever7: Perfume:Not a clue6: Flower: No idea5: Color: Red, Blue, Purple, Green, frankly I’d have a faster time listing off colours I don’t like/consider a favourite4: Talk show host: I don’t watch talk shows, sorry3: Comedian: No idea2: Dog breed: Samoyeds, they’re so cute I love them so much1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I’m allowed to lie??

[thewolfwiththeredrose]

A Literary Love

Yo! So this is the first fic I ever wrote. Yeah, scary! I posted it online in January and it got some pretty overwhelming feedback so I figured I would share it here with all of you! Please like and reblog and share and do all the fun things if you like it! I’ll be posting the parts to my current fic soon :)

Also on AO3

Rating: Teen & up

Pairing: Stiles/Derek (Sterek)

Words: 11,143

Summary: "Walking down a foreign street in an unfamiliar city, Stiles searches for refuge from the bitter November cold. He’s not quite sure how he ended up here, stumbling through the streets of New York City at 5am before the sun has even risen, when less than a week ago he was still back home in Beacon Hills just waiting for his real life to begin."

OR

Stiles is an aspiring writer trying to find his way in the world (and New York City), and Derek is the proud owner of a bookshop cafe who just wants to be as happy as his parents were.

Warnings: Description of a panic attack, and the Hale parents die in a car crash. Please, if you think any of this may trigger you, do not read

The bookstore sat in between the bank and the pharmacy; short, squat and out of place. From the outside looking in, it was a very ordinary sort of place on a very ordinary sort of street. An ageing red brick building with a wide store front window that was half covered by a bookshelf, and a very grand-looking black door with a well-used brass knob placed in the middle. It is outside this bookstore where we meet our fearless hero. Alright, maybe not fearless. Okay, maybe he’s a little less than heroic, but he is the centre of our story so we should be nice to him, shouldn’t we? Anyway.

Walking down a foreign street in an unfamiliar city, Stiles searches for refuge from the bitter November cold. He’s not quite sure how he ended up here, stumbling through the streets of New York City at 5am before the sun has even risen, when less than a week ago he was still back home in Beacon Hills just waiting for his real life to begin. Fresh out of college at BHU, Stiles always dreamed of moving to the big city and making a life for himself. Sure, leaving his dad wasn’t easy, but the Sheriff had Melissa now, and it wasn’t like they didn’t talk on the phone at every spare moment anyway.

Stiles knows that he was lucky, he had worked like a dog through college, enduring the most degrading of jobs in order to make just enough money to scrape by until he caught his big break. His big break which was going to begin in a matter of hours. Shit.

Stiles abruptly realises that as this barrage of overwhelming thoughts had hit him, he has stopped walking, his feet coming to a standstill on the uneven pavement. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, trying to block out the panic that is tightening his chest before exhaling in a long, slow breath. Calm down, he thinks to himself, this could be the start of something amazing. This could be the beginning of the rest of your life.

“Are you alright?” A voice sounds from in front of Stiles, startling him from his thoughts. His eyes shoot open in shock before settling upon the figure in front of him.

Stiles’ breath hitches in his throat as his bleary eyes rake up the body of the man in front of him. Dark jeans. Black leather jacket. The man is built like Adonis, all lean muscle, pulling tight the fabric of his forest green Henley, and then there’s his face. High, chiselled cheek bones and a sharp, beautifully sculpted jaw dusted with dark stubble to match the thick, dark eyebrows which are currently drawn together in obvious concern for Stiles’ wellbeing. But, however stunning these features are, they’re not what causes the tightness in Stiles’ chest to reappear tenfold. It’s the eyes. An impossible colour, Stiles thinks. They’re breath taking, deep and clear, a beautiful vibrant green only made brighter by the man’s dark appearance.

“Uhh…” Stiles drawls unintelligibly, feeling his jaw drop in to its default gawp before he remembers his training. By training, he means the years he has spent as a close friend of the stunning Lydia Martin, conditioning himself not to turn in to a drooling idiot when faced with beautiful people. Stiles clears his throat, willing his voice to hold.

“Yeah,” he says, the calmness of his voice surprising him, “Sorry, I’m not quite with it yet. Actually, I’m not sure I even know where I am. I only just moved here.”

Considering how utterly beautiful the man is, Stiles is quite taken aback when he is offered a sheepish, almost shy half-smile.

“Ah, well, I was just about to start my shift at the bookstore,” the man begins before gesturing with his hand towards the red brick building, “There’s a 24-hour café inside if you wanted a coffee to, uh, make you a little more ‘with it’?” The half-smile is still adorning those perfectly full lips, and Stiles can’t help but think that it is so unfair that this guy can pull off drop dead gorgeous and sickeningly adorable at the same time. Stiles grins back at the man, hoping to convey the intense happiness that the words “coffee” and “bookstore” had brought him.

“No. Way. A 24-hour bookstore? With coffee? I think I just discovered heaven on earth in New York,” he gushes before having to stifle a large yawn, “also, do you have the wherewithal to inject the caffeine straight in to my bloodstream? Like an IV line or something? Because, technically I haven’t slept yet and, well, if it hasn’t happened yet I don’t see it happening any time in the near future, I can never sleep in the day time. It just won’t happen; I get distracted too easily.”

The man seems slightly taken aback by the litany of words that had just come from Stiles’ mouth, and Stiles begins bracing himself for the usual “Wow, you talk a lot,” or, “Why are you so hyperactive?” that he gets from people who don’t know him. Stiles, himself, is slightly taken aback when instead of this reaction, the man’s lips quirk up at the corner into an absolutely devastating smirk, which has Stiles’ breath catching in his throat for the second time in as many minutes.

“I’ll see what I can do,” the man quips, smirk transforming back in to the same shy half-smile as if he had suddenly realised that his expression had changed, “you’d better follow me then.”

With that, the man moves to walk past Stiles before entering the bookstore and Stiles definitely does not stare at his butt as he walks away. How dare you even suggest such a thing, you heathen. He does, however, glance up at the sign hanging outside the store. A large black paw print is painted upon a white surface, and a human hand print formed in negative white space within the paw, and the words “Brew Bear Books” arching over the claws at the top. Stiles smiled to himself, taking one final long breath before walking to the large black door and pushing it open with a faint *ding* overhead.

***

The sight that greets Stiles when he enters the bookstore is not what he expected from its outward appearance. The door is on the left side of the storefront, and from the moment Stiles steps through it all he can see was…well, books. To his left the whole wall of the store is made up of one large floor-to-ceiling bookcase and to his right shorter, shoulder-high bookcases make up a walkway that leads to a door on the far wall of the store. On the right side, a few metres in, there is a gap between the bookcases, and through it Stiles can see a few tables and chairs. The gap opens in to a large room, its walls lined with bookcases and Stiles steps into it, trying to take in his surroundings. Along the back wall stands the counter, a long bar with a few stools, a pastry display case and a large silver coffee machine. Stiles doesn’t think he’s ever been happier to see a coffee machine in his life.

Just as Stiles opens his mouth to call out and see where the beautiful man has gone to, a head pops up from behind the counter. The woman who stands before him is terrifying. Beautiful, but terrifying. Her long, dark hair is scraped back in to a ponytail which only accentuates her high cheekbones and strong jawline. Even from where Stiles stands half way across the room he can easily see the mischief in her clear hazel eyes. Her full, red-painted lips are curled in to an almost predatory smile and Stiles can’t help but feel like a rabbit being watched by a wolf; wide-eyed and terrified.

“Well, hello there.” She speaks in a flirtatious, saccharine voice which Stiles can tell is not her usual tone. She rests her elbow on the counter, setting her head in the palm of her hand and leaning forward almost provocatively as she drags her eyes appraisingly up Stiles’ body, before narrowing her eyes slightly as if she were trying to figure something out. Stiles definitely feels like prey. He is abruptly ripped from his thoughts by a hurried thud-thud-thud, the unmistakable sound of someone running down stairs. The door in the back-right corner of the shop next to the counter swings open revealing a flight of stairs and the beautiful man from the street at the bottom of them looking just as terrified as Stiles feels. He gives Stiles a quick glance before turning to the woman behind the counter, looking incredibly uncomfortable.

“Laura,” the man exclaims with an air of nonchalance that Stiles can see straight through. His voice sounds strained, as if he were just as nervous as he looked; which, in the presence of the feral/beautiful woman – Laura – would not surprise Stiles in the slightest. “Thank you so much for covering for Erica. I can take over from here if you want to clock out, I’m sure you’re tired.” The man seems to be well practiced in avoiding Laura’s searching gaze. Her predatory smile only grows larger and toothier as she takes in the avoidant man in front of her, her eyes flicking momentarily towards Stiles before settling back on her co-worker.

“Wow, Derek! Speaking in whole sentences, not glaring, being pleasant, what’s gotten in to you I wonder?” As she speaks, her eyes flick once again towards Stiles, her stare lingering a little longer before looking back at her co-worker who is now, indeed, scowling angrily at her. The expression was gone almost as quickly as it appeared as the man’s eyes mirror the movement of Laura’s, his face softening whilst his eyes linger on Stiles.

Derek. Stiles juggles the name around in his mind for a moment before deciding that he likes the way that it sounded; he can definitely imagine moaning that loud and unashamedly. Wait, what? A blush begins to spread up Stiles’ neck and over his face at the thought he’d just had. Derek, however, takes in Stiles’ embarrassed expression and furrows his brow apologetically.

“Sorry,” he speaks so softly that Stiles is straining to hear him, “I’m Derek, and this is my sister, Laura. We own this place together.” Pride is rolling off Derek in waves, not smug or self-important, he just seems so pleased with this little slice of Stiles’ own personal heaven which he owned. Derek turns to his sister, saying, “Laura, this is –” he pauses, realising that he hasn’t actually asked the smaller man for his name yet.

“Stiles,” he supplies helpfully, offering a smirk at Laura’s slightly confused yet inquisitive expression. “It’s a nickname I got when I was a kid, my actual first name is Polish and it’s a mouthful. Kind of impossible to pronounce. Honestly, it’s my name and I’m not even sure I can say it right. Nobody uses it, not even my dad. Everybody calls me Stiles because my last name is Stilinski. Hell, every August since my freshman year of junior high I would hack in to the school’s registration system and change my name to Stiles.” He chuckles to himself at the memories, a wide grin splitting his face.

“Good times.” Stiles looks up to find Derek staring at him slightly slack-jawed, and Laura glancing at her brother with an amused smirk on her lips. He clears his throat roughly, his face dropping entirely and giving way to a sheepish, self-deprecating smile. “Uh – sorry. I tend to talk a lot. Bad habit,” he says, raising his hand to scratch the back of his neck nervously.

“Uh, n-no! No,” Derek flounders, eyes going wide, as if suddenly realising that he had been staring. “I didn’t mean to- I mean you just- Uhh…” Laura’s snort of laughter breaks both Stiles and Derek from their embarrassed musings.

“Derek isn’t really a talker,” Laura says, ignoring Derek’s embarrassed noise of protest, “he’s a growl-er. And a listener. You talk a lot. Derek likes people who talk a lot. It means he doesn’t have to talk as much,” she spoke in short, sharp sentences, as if he would be easily confused, before a wolfish smile spread across her red lips. “-and you, damn, you talk with your whole body, don’t you, honey?” She croons, giving Stiles another appreciative once-over.

“Laura,” Derek warns in a stern voice which totally did not turn Stiles on, not at all. “Don’t objectify the customers, its rude, creepy and unprofessional.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she sighs, sounding very much like she had heard this speech before, “but just you wait until Erica meets him. There are going to be fights over this one,” she winks at Stiles who simply raises an eyebrow at her, but before Derek could protest, she speaks again, “anyway, I’m out. See you later baby brother. And Stiles, dear, feel free to drop by any time at all, like in the evenings when I’ll be here, alone.” With that, she grabs her jacket from behind the counter, breezing past Stiles and out the door.

Stiles is still staring at the space behind the counter where Laura had once stood. He knows that his mouth is slightly agape, and that his eyebrows are probably furrowed in to an expression of confusion mixed with fear. The sound of Derek awkwardly clearing his throat breaks Stiles from his stupor. He turns to see Derek awkwardly scratching the back of his neck, a blush tinting the tips of his ears and the apples of his cheeks with the most beautiful pink colour that Stiles has ever seen. Derek opens his mouth to speak and Stiles knows – he just knows – that he is about to apologise, but Stiles doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want Derek to be sorry for anything.

“Why do I get the feeling that I don’t really want to meet Erica?” Stiles says in a jovial tone. Derek’s eyes snap up to Stiles, who shoots him a coy grin in return. And then something beautiful happens. Derek laughs. His laugh doesn’t bark out like Stiles’ own does. It doesn’t continuously bubble away like his dad’s does. No. It’s a laugh like rain. It starts as a quiet huff of air that escalates to a warm, throaty chuckle before finally the heavens open and Derek is laughing loudly and with complete abandon. His head thrown back, his hand covering his eyes, and Stiles is drowning. He knows his own grin is probably manic-looking, but in that moment, he can’t really give a damn.

“So, how do you take your coffee?”

***

After Derek makes him a cup of (frankly, pretty amazing) coffee, Stiles slowly begins to feel more like a human being, and less like a zombie. With this newfound energy comes words, and lots of them. Stiles can’t help but feel relaxed around Derek, like he isn’t being judged for being nosey or loud or hyperactive. Stiles can’t help but feel like he wants to know all that he can about Derek.

“So, a coffee shop bookstore, huh? How’d you come in to owning a place like this, man, it’s awesome!” Stiles asks, eyes scanning the shelves around the room, one hand clutching his coffee and the other tracing over the spines of the books lining the case closest to the counter, a private smile adorning his face. If he were looking, Stiles would see Derek’s own lips curve in to a reverent smile as he watches Stiles.

“Thanks,” Derek huffs a laugh and Stiles turns away from the books to face him. “Uh, well, I got a degree in English Literature from NYU a few years back and I sorta freaked out when I left because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I moved in with Laura, who was working as a lawyer at the time and got a job in the NYU library.”

“Oh my god I can’t imagine you as a librarian!” Stiles laughs out, “Please tell me you wore slacks and a cardigan. Oh, my god, do you wear glasses? That would be so adorable!” He rambles, watching as that beautiful blush once again works its way up Derek’s neck and on to his ears and cheeks. Stiles decides to change the subject. “Also, Laura as a lawyer? She seems like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen.”

“Yeah, she’s loosened up a lot in the last few years. Sometimes I think a little too much.” Derek says, huffing that small laugh which has Stiles grinning. “Laura hated her job, always felt that she’d made a mistake, and I wasn’t much better, wallowing in my own misery with no idea what to do with my life.

“One day about three years ago we both had a day off at the same time, we got in to Laura’s car and just drove out of the city until we ran out of gas. Broke down in a small town outside the city limits and stopped in a little coffee shop there to wait for a tow truck, just people watching. It was a kinda beat up place, you know, mismatching furniture and old equipment, but everyone in there looked so happy. All the workers knew the clients by name, they were all regulars and everyone was smiling, like it was a home away from home. That’s when Laura and I decided to open a café.” Derek speaks softly, a wistful smile on his lips and Stiles finds that once again he cannot help but stare.

“Wow, man. That’s such a beautiful story, it sounds like something from a movie. Doesn’t explain the books, though.” Stiles knows there probably wasn’t more to it than just Derek having a love of books, having already said he worked in a library, but Stiles just doesn’t want Derek to stop talking.

“Ah, well, that’s a much longer story.” Derek still speaks softly, but his smile is now tinged with a sadness that Stiles can hardly bare. He decides that he never want to see Derek sad again. Nope, never.

“Hey, it’s okay, man. You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to, I’m pretty sure I can talk enough for the both of us. But, you know, I’ll definitely listen, if you want me to. Your sister said you’re a listener but, I’m sure that sometimes even listeners need someone to talk to. You know, someone who will, uh, listen.” Stiles knows he’s rambling again, but honestly, Derek gaping at him as he had the last time Stiles rambled would be a billion times better than Derek looking sad.

“No, no, it’s okay.” Derek says, his eyes flitting over Stiles’ face and his smile brightening slightly. “Laura’s always saying that I need to talk about it more.”

So, Derek talks, and Stiles listens.

***

Okay, so, Derek talks for a while and Stiles does listen, but once Derek is done with his story it turns in to more of a conversation. As it turns out, Derek and Laura’s parents died in a car accident when they were teenagers. Coming from a wealthy family, they inherited a bunch of money from insurance, as well as their family home which contained an extensive private library. When he and Laura decided to open the café, Derek concluded that embracing his love of literature and selling books from the private library would be a great way to attract more customers, and also to stay close to his parents who both loved books. So, they sorted through the collection and removed anything of sentimental value (story books their parents used to read them as kids, a first edition of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy that their mother had bought their father for an anniversary) before moving it all to their new café. Stiles thinks it’s beautiful, romantic and definitely does not sigh dreamily throughout Derek’s story.

Stiles can tell that talking about his parents is not easy for Derek, so he decides that the best thing would be to talk animatedly about himself, his friends and family until Derek forgets about his sadness and maybe smiles that beautiful smile again. So, Stiles talks. He talks about his dad the Sheriff, he talks about his best friend Scott, who’s mum Melissa is now with Stiles’ dad which is just so cool, Derek, it’s like were real brothers. He talks about his home town of Beacon Hills, and about his major in Criminal Justice and about his minor in Mythological Studies. He even talks about his own mom, who died when he was a kid. And Derek listens. Derek listens to every word, smiling, nodding and asking the occasional question, not at all looking at Stiles like he’s crazy or like he should shut up. Derek is unlike anyone Stiles has ever met before.

***

In theory, Stiles knows that he and Derek have been talking for quite a while. Their conversation has progressed from their favourite books to their favourite music and through some very odd transition on to their childhood pets. However, it still catches Stiles by surprise when he feels the warm rays of the morning sun warming the back of his neck through the café windows.

“Woah, dude, when did the sun come up?” Stiles says, bewildered after an anecdote about his childhood cat, Whiskers. Derek chuckles before answering.

“Over an hour ago, it’s almost 8am.” Derek says after checking the time, eyes wide in surprise as if he, too, had thought it was still much earlier.

“8am? Really? Already?” Stiles stammers out, because 8am seriously, he only had 4 hours before it was time, before his fate was decided and he wasn’t ready, he wasn’t, he wasn’t. Stiles can feel his chest tightening, his breath coming shallower and the lightheaded feeling he dreads seeping in.

“Stiles? Stiles!” He can vaguely hear Derek calling his name, but the sound was being drowned out by the rushing of blood in his ears, his heart hammering in his chest. Stiles can feel the tell-tale shaking in his hands, and then in his knees and oh, since when is he on the floor.

Before he can register what is happening, large, strong hands are manoeuvring him so that his back is propped up against a bookshelf. His head is swimming, large black spots dancing across his vision as he desperately tries to control his frantic breathing.

“Stiles. Hey, Stiles, you’re okay. That’s it, you’re okay. I’ve got you, you’re safe, everything is fine. Everything is okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Derek. Stiles can hear Derek’s voice breaking through the rushing, can almost make out his blurry shape over him. He just keeps talking and talking, reassuring words in Stiles’ ears. Derek takes Stiles’ hand and presses the palm to his chest.

“Just breathe with me. That’s it. Good, come on, Stiles. You’re fine, I’ve got you, just breathe.” Stiles can hear the worry in Derek’s voice and wants so desperately to tell him that’s he would be fine, that he’s used to this, but he can’t find it in him to speak. In an attempt to communicate, he curls his trembling fingers in to Derek’s shirt, fisting it and squeezing tight to try and quell the shaking. Somehow, Derek seems to understand the signal.

“That’s it, good, good. Just breathe, Stiles. Please, please, just breathe.” Derek whispers, sounding rather breathless himself. He raises his hand and slides it along Stiles’ cheek, cupping his jaw and stroking with his thumb, attempting to calm the younger man. As soon as Stiles feels the warm, callused palm on his face he leans in to the comfort, closing his eyes and instantly feeling better. He’s still trembling like a leaf, but his breath is beginning to come easier. They stay like that for what could have been minutes or hours before Stiles feels able to speak.

“I’m so sorry,” Stiles says, taking a breath, eyes still closed. “That must have been so-” Gasp. “-strange to see me just-” Pant. “-go off like that at nothing.” Swallow.

“Stiles, look at me,” Derek speaks softly, using the hand what was still on Stiles’ jaw to turn his face towards him, “Don’t you ever apologise for something like that. Ever. It’s not your fault, okay?” He waits for Stiles’ feeble nod before continuing. “I just wish that I could have been of more help. Let me go get you a glass of water.”

The moment Derek stands to go behind the counter Stiles misses his warmth. He takes a few moments to collect himself, closing his eyes and rubbing at them with still-trembling fingers, trying to breathe as steadily as possible to prevent a relapse. When Derek returns, he holds a tall glass of water, and it is only now that Stiles can truly make out Derek’s face. His chiselled features are contorted with concern, his brows pulled together in a distressed frown and his beautiful, captivating eyes are filled with so much worry that Stiles’ heart could break.

“Thanks,” Stiles says when Derek hands him the water, his voice rough and dry from his gasping breaths. “Thanks for everything. What you did right then – talking me down – that’s not an easy thing to do. Scotty and I have been best friends for two decades and even he struggles.” He continues, not quite finding it in himself to meet Derek’s worry-filled eyes again. “Uh, so, yeah. Thanks.”

“It’s fine,” Derek says softly, “any time.” And Stiles believes him. “Do you- Uh. Do you mind if I asked what triggered it? Did I say something wrong?” If Stiles thought that Derek’s voice was soft before, it was nothing compared to the way he speaks that final question. It is so soft that Stiles can barely register what it was Derek is saying, but when he does, his head shoots up to meet Derek’s apologetic gaze.

“NO! No, no, not at all, you’re amazing!” Stiles blurts in his hurry to reassure Derek. Stiles doesn’t wait to catalogue Derek’s reaction before attempting to distract him with more words. “I just didn’t realise that it was so late already and today is a really big day for me. Like, crazy big. I’ve been freaking out about it for weeks, hence the no sleep and the walking through an unfamiliar neighbourhood before sunrise. I guess when we were talking I actually relaxed for a while and kinda forgot all about it until I realised the time and then all the panic hit me at once. It happens, man, totally not your fault.”

“Oh…” Derek is silent for a moment. Stiles knows he’s probably just digesting the masses of information that had just been thrown at him, but the silence puts him on edge right up until he can visibly see the creases of worry smoothing from Derek’s face. The man smiles at Stiles, but the worry is still evident in his eyes as he offers Stiles his hand to help him stand. “What’s so important about today? Uh, if you don’t mind me asking.”

The expression on Derek’s face is so open, genuinely intrigued but still full of concern, and Stiles kind of wants to write poems about it. He takes Derek’s hand, using it to haul himself to his feet before plopping on to a stool by the counter. He valiantly ignores the hand that Derek places on the small of his back to help steady him and the waves of warmth that it sends spreading through his body.

“Well, I probably should have led with this really but, uh…” Stiles laughs nervously, running a hand through his hair. “I’m an author. More accurately, I’m trying to become an author. In case you didn’t notice I have some serious ADHD going on which, you know, can make concentrating in lectures pretty hard. I had a pretty bad habit of daydreaming in class because most of the time I’d already read the material and I didn’t need to hear the same thing again.

“One day I just decided to write it down, like, whatever my brain would dream up to occupy me. By the time I completed my degree I had finished drafts for 3 novels in a series and had 2 plots for sequels. I moved to NYC hoping to catch a break, sent my first book draft in to a publisher and they want to meet me today at 11 o’clock. Man, I’m terrified.”

Derek stands behind the counter patiently listening to Stiles recount the steps which brought him to where he is today. He nods, his eyes following the movement of Stiles’ hands as he speaks, a grin breaking out on his face when Stiles tells of the publishers’ interest in his book. Stiles himself still isn’t entirely sure that this is not a daydream itself. Publishers are interested in his writing. He has his own place in New York (granted, it was tiny and he can only afford it for another couple months if he doesn’t get this gig, but it’s still his). He met Derek. Derek who is beautiful, kind, intelligent, and just about everything Stiles had always wanted but had never dared to hope for.

“Stiles, that’s amazing!” Derek exclaims, grinning at Stiles. “The fact that they’ve even asked to meet with you shows that they’re really interested in your work, you should be proud of yourself.” He says, his voice and expression softening towards the end. “I’ve always wanted to write a book, but I don’t think I have the imagination for it. I love reading, though, more than anything. I always feel a bit sad saying ‘books are my life’, but it’s the truth.”

“Wow. Thanks, Derek. That really means a lot.” Stiles replies with a shy smile, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I know how you feel, though, about books being your life. I swear more often than not I speak using quotes from my favourite books, just hoping that someone will understand the reference and we can be instant best friends.”

“’Friendship is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself’’.” Derek speaks with conviction, although his brow is furrowed as he tried to recollect the exact wording of the quote he once read.

“C. S. Lewis?” Stiles asks unsurely, although he is certain that he has read that before. Derek looks in to Stiles’ eyes across the counter, a wide grin breaking out on his face as he nods, and Stiles can’t help but grin equally wide in answer. They stand there for a fair few moments grinning at each other before Stiles remembers the time.

“Listen, Derek, thank you for everything. It’s been amazing meeting you and getting to know you but I think I really should be going. I need to try and find my way back to my apartment to get ready for my meeting, but I’ll definitely be back soon.” Stiles says, trying to convey his gratefulness to Derek, and get across the fact that he really wants to see Derek again soon. Derek’s smile begins to fall from his face as Stiles speaks, but he catches himself before it was gone.

“Where do you live? I could easily close up the shop for a little while to give you a ride home, especially seeing as you don’t know where you’re going.” Derek says with a hopeful tone to his voice, and Stiles simply won’t let himself try to analyse what that might mean. “I wouldn’t want you getting lost and being late for your meeting.”

“Yeah, man, that would be awesome! But only if you’re sure about closing the shop, I wouldn’t want you to lose any business.”

Derek waves Stiles off before coming out from behind the counter and heading back up the stairs, which Stiles assumes lead to his apartment. When Derek came back down he is clutching a set of keys and wearing the most sinful black leather jacket. Stiles has never thought himself much in to the whole black-leather-beardy-biker look but dang does Derek rock it.

“Ready?” Derek grins, and Stiles is helpless to do anything but nod and grin in return.

***

Derek leads Stiles out of the store and towards his car, locking the door behind him. The ride to Stiles’ apartment can’t have been much more than 10 minutes or so, and the silence is filled as Derek excitedly asks Stiles questions about the plot of his novel. Stiles tells Derek how almost all of the characters in the book are based upon his friends from his home town, with the main character being based upon Scott. He tells him how he once went searching for a dead body in the woods with Scott after hearing about it on his police scanner, yes, Derek, I have one, I like to know what’s going on, okay. He tells Derek how that night he had a really weird dream about Scotty being bitten in the woods and turning into a werewolf, then for some reason his brain decided that his Criminal Psych lecture would be the perfect time to remind him of this. Stiles rambles about how he basically rewrote his and Scott’s high school experience but with supernatural creatures and crazy bad guys.

Before Stiles knows it, they are outside his building, sat in the stationary car as he rants to Derek about how the first two books are really intense but they’re nothing, Derek, nothing compared to book three. Man, if it ever gets published the readers are going to hate me. I even hate myself a little, damn.

“I’m telling you, this meeting is going to be the start of really big things for you. I just know it.” Derek sounds so sincere when he speaks that Stiles can feel the blush creeping up his neck in response.

“Thank you, so much. And, thank you for the ride.” Stiles smiles at Derek from his seat in the car. Derek has a soft, genuine smile tugging at his lips and God, does Stiles want to kiss him. But, Stiles also feels that this, whatever this is he felt with Derek, is real, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to rush it. Stiles climbs out of the car, then leans back through the open door. “How about I come back to the store tomorrow? I’ll tell you all about how my meeting went, and you can make me some more of that life-saving coffee.”

The transformation in the expression on Derek’s face in that moment is something that Stiles thinks he has only ever read about in cheesy romance novels. Derek’s smile, once soft and small, breaks out in to a full grin, and Stiles is sure that the world just got 3 shades brighter.

“Promise?” Derek says, his voice lightly teasing, but his face still showing such unadulterated joy that Stiles can’t really care.

“Promise.”

***

Stiles keeps his promise. It’s almost midday before Stiles is able to drag himself out of his bed to shower, change and head to the bookstore. Don’t judge him, he had been awake for a seriously long time. The meeting had been amazing, and Stiles can’t wait to share it with Derek. After calling his dad and Scott the day before, Stiles had all but passed out from exhaustion, but from the moment he woke up all he could think about was going to see Derek.

The bell above the door sounds a now-familiar ding when Stiles enters the bookstore. He rounds the corner in to the café with an open grin on his face, he feels like he is practically buzzing with anticipation. His smile falls slightly when he looks towards the counter to see a pretty woman with long blonde curls. Definitely not Derek.

“Well, look what we have here,” she says as she unabashedly runs her eyes all over Stiles’ body, flicking her tongue across her teeth as she does so, looking as if she were going to eat him whole, “a new customer. I’m sure I would have remembered someone like you in a dump like this.”

She drags out her words in a sweet, seductive tone which kind of makes Stiles’ skin crawl. Her wolfish smile very much reminds him of Laura’s from the previous day, the same red-lipped grin with far too many teeth to be considered entirely non-threatening. Although, none of that really compares to the sting of righteous anger he feels at her final words.

“This place is not a dump!” Stiles hisses angrily. After hearing Derek speak yesterday, telling him the beautiful story of how this place came to be, of the love he has for the books and the happiness he has found in doing something he really loves, Stiles truly feels that comfort and hope exude from the shelves themselves. How dare she call this place a dump.

“I don’t mean to offend, sweet cheeks,” she says in that same saccharine voice, although Stiles got the impression that she doesn’t feel particularly sorry, “I’m obviously just not as in to books as you are. Although, if you like, I could tell you all about some other things I’m in to.”

“Where’s Derek?” Stiles blurts. He can tell he looks like a tomato and, honestly, he’s absolutely terrified of this woman. He just wants to see Derek and he does not want to know what she’s in to. Stiles looks at her, waiting for her reply before he sees a small flash of – recognition? Realisation? – cross her face.

“Derek, huh?” she says, her eyes once again running over Stiles’ form. “I’ll get right on that for you.” She opens the door leading to the staircase, but before she ascends she turned to face Stiles once again. “What did you say your name was, sweet cheeks?”

“I didn’t. It’s Stiles.” he says sheepishly. She gives him another frightening grin before bounding up the stairs.

***

“Stiles!” Derek exclaims when he reaches the bottom of the stairs, a grin tugging at his lips. The blonde girl follows him in shortly after, a smug expression on her face as her eyes flick between the two of them with obvious interest.

“Well, Der, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend here? He really is just as delicious as Laura told me.” That feral grin once again spreads across her lips, and Stiles once again finds himself feeling like prey.

“Erica,” Derek admonishes sternly, his eyebrows dropped in to an angry-looking glare, “why don’t you take your break now? I don’t need you accosting my customers, it’s bad for business, not to mention rude as hell.”

“Yes, Boss.” She speaks cheerfully as she grabbed her jacket from behind the counter. “See you soon, sweet cheeks.”

The use of the nickname makes Stiles shudder as she breezes past him and out of the store. Stiles looks at Derek, who’s expression has dramatically softened. He looks just as breathtakingly beautiful as he had the day before in a soft looking maroon sweater and blue jeans.

“How did I know I wasn’t going to enjoy meeting Erica?” Stiles says with a cheeky smirk. Derek laughed in reply, just as open and unabashed as he had the day before causing Stiles to smile wider. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Derek says softly, almost reverently as he grins at Stiles. “Coffee?”

“Please.”

Derek turns to the coffee maker and starts preparing Stiles’ drink. Stiles can’t help but watch the play of muscles in Derek’s arms and back as me moves, the concentration on his face, the way the artificial light in the store illuminates his kaleidoscope eyes. In those minutes of awed silence, filled only by the noise of the coffee machine, Stiles could easily believe that they are the only people on the planet. He is broken from his reverie when Derek places his coffee on the counter before him.

“So, how was your meeting? Sit, tell me all about it. I’ve been dying to know how it went as soon as I dropped you off yesterday.” The excitement in Derek’s voice is palpable and Stiles has practically forgotten why he had come today other than to see Derek. It seems that Stiles being distracted by Derek may become a regular occurrence.

“Oh, yes! Derek, it was amazing!” Stiles tells Derek how the publisher was this crazy looking guy with dark hair which stood on end, sticking in every direction. His name was Finstock, and he gushed about how much he just loved Stiles’ book. Stiles tells Derek how they had given him a cheque just to “help with his creative process”, which was enough money to cover his rent for over a year.

“They’ve given me back a copy of the transcript with the editors’ notes, so I need to go back through and make some changes, but they want it to be ready for publication soon so that they can have it ready for a Christmas release. How crazy is that, Derek? Me, an actual published author? Things are really starting to go my way,” Stiles says, his long fingers curled around his coffee mug. His eyes sparkle and a more private smile tugs at his lips as he looks into his cup.

“Congratulations, Stiles, that’s fantastic! Your friends and family must be so proud. Hell, I know I’m proud of you,” Derek replies. The joy on Derek’s face and the elation in his voice send a tingle shooting down Stiles’ spine. It isn’t arousal, or anything close, but the unadulterated feeling of being truly appreciated by someone you care about.

“You talk about them as if you aren’t already one of them,” Stiles says softly, a crooked smile on his lips.

“I am?” Derek practically whispers, his soft voice breathy and quiet.

“Of course,” Stiles replies, looking up through his lashes to meet Derek’s gaze, “I’m pretty sure that if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have even made it to that meeting yesterday. Hell, you talked me down from a panic attack, I’ve known people my whole life who can’t do that.”

Derek’s smile only grows. “'It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; it is disposition alone- '”

“’Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others’,” Stiles finishes. “Jane Austen, one of my favourites.”

“Mine, too,” Derek grins.

***

Stiles ends up going to the bookstore a lot in the next few weeks. The way he sees it, sitting alone in his apartment trying to edit this manuscript is not going to be productive. He’ll work in a haze of sub-par instant coffee, Reese’s peanut butter cups and minimal human interaction until either the manuscript is finished, or he passes out from exhaustion. Unhealthy. Going to the bookshop, he can get good coffee, more substantial food, and human interaction. Oh, and the staff won’t let him pass out on their floor. And, maybe, if he visits every day, and the visits have less to do with his health and more to do with the absolutely stunning man who owns the place, well, he can deny that’s why he’s there because he has real reasons, too, goddamn it.

Every single morning, Stiles turns up at the shop, tired and in need of caffeine, to see a smiling Derek behind the counter already making his coffee just the way he likes it. Some part of him thinks that life can’t really get much better than it is at the moment.

“So, when can I read it?” Derek asks as he leans over the counter to place Stiles’ coffee next to his open laptop.

“When it’s finished,” Stiles replies, a teasing smirk on his lips and his eyes trained stubbornly on his screen.

“You always say that,” Derek huffs, turning his back to make Stiles’ breakfast pancakes.

“That’s because you always ask. Like, every day,” Stiles grinned, looking up to watch Derek work. Yes, he thinks, life can’t get much better than this.

***

“Dereeeeekkkkk,” Stiles whines.

“Yes, Stiles?” Derek replies, looking up from his book to glance at Stiles over the rims of his glasses. The image totally doesn’t make Stiles want to kiss him stupid.

“I’m huuungrrrrry, make me some foooood, pleeeeease,” Stiles continues to whine, leaning his head on the counter next to his laptop and looking up at Derek sideways.

“I swear there is a black hole in your stomach,” Laura titters from somewhere behind him where she is organising a shelf of new arrivals.

“I made you breakfast not two hours ago. How the hell are you hungry? It’s not even lunchtime,” Derek laughs to himself, putting his bookmark in place so he can start making Stiles food.

“Please, Derek. ‘Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so’,” Stiles replies, watching Derek’s face with keen eyes for any sign of recognition. What he receives is even more than he had hoped for.

Derek looks up at him slightly startled, before that beautiful huff of air passes through his lips as he starts to laugh. After learning it was Derek’s father’s favourite book, Stiles got himself a copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy so that they could talk about it together. It was one of those terrifying moments of clarity, when Stiles realised just how gone he is on this gorgeous man who likes books better than people, (wrongly) thinks that the Dodgers are better than the Mets, and has a laugh like rain.

“Oh, God,” Laura bemoans, “Der, you can stop laughing now, just imagine what it’s doing to his ego.”

“Hey!” Stiles protests, smiling wickedly to himself before continuing, “’If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.’”

Derek’s laughter only increases, his chuckles getting louder until he’s laughing loudly, head tilted back. Stiles mentally pats himself on the back for making Derek laugh like this once again. He feels just as awe struck as the first time, his insides lighting up at the sight of Derek looking so happy.

“Oh, jeez, have you broken him?” Laura questions, a smile on her lips as she watches Derek laugh, “Der, are you okay?”

“’Don’t Panic’, Laura,” Stiles says, eyes still on Derek despite addressing Laura, “He looks pretty happy to me.”

Derek’s laughter has evolved one again. He is clutching his stomach, one hand supporting himself on the counter, eyes squeezed shut as he tries to breathe between chuckles.

“Yeah, he does,” Laura replies, eyeing Stiles, although he does not see it.

***

“Don’t forget the whole milk!” Laura calls to Derek as he pulls on his leather jacket.

“I won’t,” he replies, “be back in 20!”

“’So long, and thanks for all the fish!’,” Stiles shouts, and is rewarded with the sound of Derek’s laughter before the bell signals his exit from the shop.

“So, mind telling me what the hell that was all about?” Laura said, her tone inquisitive but not angry.

“Oh, uh,” Stiles began, “They were quotes from the book The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy-”

“I know what they were,” Laura interrupts, “how did you know?”

“Uh, I know that it was your dad’s favourite, and that he used to make jokes from it all the time, so I got a copy and-”

“You read it so that you could make Derek laugh,” Laura finishes for him, a sad smile curving her always-red lips, “how did you know about Dad?”

“Derek told me, once,” Stiles replies, voice low, feeling the grief Laura is exuding.

“What?” Laura says, her voice getting louder and he lifts her head to look at Stiles, eyes wide when she continues, “Wait, Derek told you? He talked to you about our parents? When?”

“Uh, he told me the hitchhikers thing a few weeks ago, not long after we met. But, yeah, he talks about them every so often. Why? Should he- uh, is that not something he should have told me about?” Stiles asks tentatively, worried that Laura is upset, that maybe he’s done something wrong, shouldn’t have tried to bring up the lost memories of their parents.

“No! No, no, Stiles, you’ve got it all wrong,” Laura rambles excitedly, a joyful smile gracing her lips, looking much more puppy than hungry wolf, “this is brilliant! Derek, he doesn’t… He doesn’t talk about our parents, has never been able to, ever since…”

The accident, Stiles’ brain supplies.

“It hit him really hard when we lost Mom and Dad,” Laura sighs, before continuing, “He was getting help for a really long time, but in the end, he just sort of… withdrew in to his books. In stories, good always triumphs over evil, love conquers all, and there is always a happy ending.”

“I wish life were like that,” Stiles mutters to himself, thinking somewhat of his own mother, as well as the tragedies that have befallen Derek and his family.

“So does Derek,” Laura replies. At that, Stiles looks up at her, seeing the conflict of her face before it settles in to something like determination.

“You know, Derek doesn’t talk to people, he’s a very lonely person. He has me, because I’m his sister, he has Erica, because she works here and now, he has you. Derek doesn’t date, either. Never has,” she says, looking up briefly to see Stiles’ fallen face before quickly beginning again, “What I mean to say is, when it comes to matters of the heart, Derek has very high expectations.”

“What does that mean?” Stiles asks, brow furrowed, attention solely on Laura and not on the words lining the screen in front of him.

“All Derek has ever wanted is to be as happy as our parents were,” Laura speaks softly now, Stiles straining to hear her words, “when we opened this place, he was so much better, brighter, I thought that we had finally done it. But, Derek has still been waiting for what our parents had, for the one thing every good story has. True love. I don’t think he’ll ever really be happy until he thinks he’s found it.”

Stiles’ breath hitches at that. Derek believes in true love. Every dream Stiles has ever had for his future contained an unknown someone who he would spend the rest of his days with, happy, together. Now, all Stiles can think of is Derek.

“’You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life’,” Stiles quotes.

“What?” Laura says, tilting her head in confusion.

“It’s Camus,” Stiles replies.

“Oh, God, you are perfect for him,” Laura moans, before her voice softens once again, “I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when you are around. So, I have one final question for you, Stiles. What do you think of true love?”

Silence.

“I think it might look like Derek.”

***

With the new knowledge that he’s kind of in love with Derek, Stiles spends the next couple of weeks sat in the store editing his manuscript, and trying to psych himself up enough to ask Derek out, or make a move. Something. Anything.

Before he knows it, his manuscript is complete. Done, finished, sent off to be printed and sold in bookshops across the world. Huh. Funny, how quickly you can finish something when you use it as a means to procrastinate doing something else. The first thing Stiles does, once he has sent the manuscript to Finstock, is print off a copy and head straight to the store for breakfast.

As soon as he steps inside, he knows that something is wrong. The air feels wrong, thick and cloying. When he opens the door, the sound of the bell does not sound as joyful as it usually does, but instead it cuts through the eerie silence like a knife, jarring and harsh.

When he gets to the counter, he is met by a sullen-faced Laura, devoid of her ever-present crimson snarl, looking tired and haggard, dark rings circling her eyes. Stiles opens his mouth to ask one of the many questions on the tip of his tongue, like what happened or are you okay or where is Derek. But, before he has the chance to say anything, Laura has already rounded the counter and wrapped her thin arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest.

Stiles stills for a moment, before circling her small frame and rubbing his hand up and down the length of her back soothingly.

“It’s the anniversary today,” she says in a small voice, “of the accident.”

Oh.

Once again, before Stiles has a chance to form any words, Laura is pulling away from him and heading towards to door beside the counter. She opens it to reveal the staircase behind, before turning back to face Stiles.

“Second door on the right,” she says, gesturing to the staircase, “Go to him. Please.”

All Stiles can do is spare her a sympathetic smile and a brief nod before he is all but sprinting up the steps towards Derek.

***

The door to the room is closed when Stiles reaches it, the warm wooden panels blocking him from where he truly wants- no, needs to be. He raises his fist to knock, pausing for a moment to collect himself before rapping his knuckles against the wood.

Silence is all that meets him.

The worry that has been building in the pit of Stiles’ stomach since he noticed Derek’s absence begins building further. Is he okay? Please say he’s okay. He knocks again, much more frantically than before.

“Go away, Laura,” comes a quiet voice from inside the room. Derek sounds so small and tired; Stiles just wants to hold him and take it all away.

“Der?” Stiles calls, surprised at how choked up and horse his voice sounds to his own ears. Although, considering how worried and tense he feels right now, he probably shouldn’t be so surprised.

A shuffling sound can be heard from inside the room before the door creaks open. “Stiles?”

The Derek stood before him is unlike any Derek that Stiles has ever seen. He’s barefooted, wearing loose basketball shorts and a white vest underneath a fluffy grey bathrobe. His hair is sticking up at odd angles and Stiles really wants to run his fingers through it. He looks kind of adorable. But, as always, it’s not Derek’s appearance which causes a tightness in Stiles’ chest. It’s his eyes. Bloodshot, red and swollen. The beautiful, impossible colour of Derek’s eyes looks almost dull and lifeless, and Stiles just can’t let that happen, nope, no way.

“Stiles, I’m sorry, you can’t be here, you can’t see me like this. You weren’t supposed to- I didn’t want to look like-” Derek rambles, looking tired, and almost scared, as if he were worried that Stiles would ever want to leave him. He begins back-stepping as he talks, trying to hide himself behind the door and out of Stiles’ view.

Stiles watches Derek stumble over his words, holding his breath, holding himself back until Derek’s words run out and he slumps behind the door, looking so small and weak, almost out of view. It doesn’t take much for Stiles to pitch forwards into the room, push the door open and engulf Derek in his arms, squeezing the other man tightly around the shoulders.

Derek’s breathing is shaky, and Stiles knows the beginning of a panic attack when he hears one. He holds still with his arms around Derek, and decides to do what he does best. He talks.

“Hey,” Stiles begins, “I’m not going anywhere. I know what today is, Derek, I’m up here because I want to be. I don’t care what you look like, I don’t care if you don’t want to talk to me, what I do care about is you.”

Derek stills for a moment in the embrace, before wrapping his strong arms around Stiles’ waist and turning his head to press his face in to the crook of Stiles’ neck. He feels Derek sobbing before he hears it, small, sad huffs of air as Derek cries in to the skin of Stiles’ throat. He can feel the tears soaking the neck of his shirt, but he can’t find it in himself to care even a little.

“Shhh,” Stiles coos softly, “It’s okay, I’m here, I’ve got you. You don’t ever have to hide yourself from me, Der, not ever. Just let it out, big guy. That’s it, you’re doing so good. You’re okay, everything’s okay.”

Stiles keeps muttering encouragements softly in to Derek’s hair until the sobbing subsides. Stiles can feel the weight of Derek in his arms getting heavier as exhaustion starts to take hold of the bigger man.

“Hey, Der, do you wanna lie down, maybe?” Stiles says softly, pulling back from the embrace slightly so that he can see Derek properly.

Derek avoids Stiles’ eyes, opting to look down at where their torsos are still touching before nodding slowly and turning to flop down on the bed, curling himself up in to the foetal position but not yet pulling up the blankets.

“Uh.. Did you wanna- Did you want me to leave?” Stiles stumbles, stood at the side of the bed throwing his hands around. He doesn’t want to leave Derek, but he doesn’t want to make Derek uncomfortable, either.

Rather than responding, Derek looks up at Stiles very briefly, still managing to pull off his are you stupid look through the swollen, red eyes. He reaches for Stiles’ hand before pulling him down on to the mattress behind him. Stiles flails gracelessly as he lands on the mattress before strong hands are pulling him up by his arm and folding him around Derek’s back.

Stiles is spooning Derek. He takes a moment to let that sink in, the warmth of Derek pushed against him, before the silence becomes too much for him and he has to break it.

“What do you want me to do? I’ll do whatever you think will make you feel better,” Stiles whispers, and he means every word of it.

“Talk,” Derek replies, his is voice rough and quiet, but Stiles doesn’t think he’s ever been happier to hear one word.

***

Stiles talks. No change there. For the next few hours, he talks about the news, and the book that he just finished which you should really read, Der, it’s got dragons and everything. He eventually gets around to telling Derek that he finished his manuscript, and obliges to read the first few chapters aloud but no, Der, you’re not keeping this copy, you get the first edition instead. Promise.

Derek remains silent throughout, although he listens. Stiles is sure of this, because whenever he looks to Derek for a response, he nods, and he pulls on Stiles arm when he wants him to carry on reading, and, well, that’s more than enough for Stiles to understand he should keep talking.

***

After a few hours, despite Derek’s head shaking that no, he’s not hungry, Stiles goes down and gets a couple of sandwiches from Laura, who looked surprised in a pleased sort of way.

Stiles is propped up with his back against the headboard whilst he eats, and is quite happy when Derek makes it half way through his sandwich before he stops. Derek slides down the mattress and curls back up in to his little ball, before resting his head on Stiles’ thigh. Stiles resists the urge to card his fingers through Derek’s hair, but only barely.

“I miss them,” Derek says after a little while, so quietly that Stiles almost misses it.

“I know,” he replies, giving in to temptation and pushing his fingers through the wayward locks of Derek’s hair.

“Why did you stay? I’m such a cold person, and you’re so, so warm.” Derek mumbles, pushing his cheek further in to Stiles’ thigh.

“You know, it was once written that ‘Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad’. I don’t think you’re cold, Derek. I think you’ve been through a lot, and you’re sad, and I’d really like to change that.”

“I’m not just sad, Stiles. I’m broken.” Derek says, his voice cracking slightly on the last word.

“We’re all a little broken, Der. But that's okay. It doesn’t make me care about you any less.”

They lay in silence for a few minutes, Stiles softly carding his fingers through Derek’s hair until Derek speaks up.

“Hey, Stiles?”

“Yeah?”

“Was that Emerson?”

“Longfellow.”

“Damn.”

***

Stiles eventually gets kicked out of the apartment by Laura after her shift has ended, saying that she needs some family time with her little brother which, okay, fair enough. Derek doesn’t seem very happy to see Stiles go, and holds him for a full five minutes, pouting in the doorway of the apartment until Stiles promises to come back tomorrow.

Erica seems surprised when she sees Stiles leaving the apartment, but it says a lot that she neglects to comment on the situation any more than to bid Stiles farewell on his way out of the store.

***

When Stiles returns the next day, everything feels relatively normal again. He walks in to the main café and Derek is behind the counter, looking better, if not a little tired. He smiles warmly at Stiles before turning his back and starting to make Stiles’ coffee, just the way he likes it, just like normal. It feels strange, almost surreal, that Stiles is able to walk in here today and resume the same easy banter that he and Derek have always had. For all intents and purposes, the day is entirely normal (bar the extra shot of syrup in Stiles’ coffee) right up until the point the Stiles leaves.

Derek comes jogging out of the store behind Stiles, who stops on the pavement waiting for Derek to catch up. It occurs to Stiles that this is the spot where they first met.

“Hey, Stiles, um, I just wanted to say thank you for yesterday. You really helped me a lot and you’re- Um, it was really- Uh, yeah. Thanks,” Derek stutters out, rubbing the back of his neck shyly and looking all together quite nervous.

Stiles takes in his disheveled expression for a moment, before saying “Always,” and kissing Derek lightly on the cheek.

Stiles watches for a moment as a blush spreads beautifully across Derek’s cheekbones to his ears, before turning on his heel and making to walk away.

“Was that a Harry Potter reference?” he hears from behind him.

“Obviously,” Stiles responds, laughing to himself as he continues to walk home.

***

The days pass quickly. Stiles still goes to the store every day, even though he no longer has any work to do, and the days are still as perfect as ever. With every visit that passes, Stiles falls more in love with Derek, until it finally arrives, what he’s been waiting for. Weeks before it will hit the shelves, the first edition of Stiles’ novel arrives in the post.

Stiles’ first reaction is to sprint to the store. He rips open the door, sending the bell in to a frenzy of clanging, surely alerting anyone in the store to his presence. He bursts in to the main café to see Laura behind the counter cleaning mugs, and Derek facing him, clutching a rag between his fingers from where he’d been wiping down the tables.

“Stiles! Is everything okay?” Derek asks, the worry evident on his face, making his brow furrow.

“Yes, yeah, everything is fine! Uh, the first edition of my book arrived, and I promised I’d give it to you so, uh, I want you to look at it, but first I’ve got a few things that I really want to say to you,” Stiles pauses, taking a deep breath and trying not to panic, before looking up to meet Derek’s eyes before speaking once more.

“Before we met, I’d never read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. When you talked about how much you love it, I bought a copy from Erica, and read it so that I could talk to you about it. Neither my best friend, nor my own father are able to talk me down from a panic attack, which is something that you managed to master on the first day we met. I’ve never been able to sleep anywhere without my pillow before, until I fell asleep in your bed, with you in my arms. Um, you once told me that you’re broken, and, well, ‘It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.’ God knows, I’m never going to stop trying.”

Stiles breaks his gaze from Derek’s now-watery eyes to turn to the first page of his book, and holds it out to Derek, who takes it from Stiles with shaking hands. Derek’s eyes skim the text quickly, before flicking up to Stiles, and then back down to the book. What happens next is a flurry of movement as the first tear rolls down Derek’s cheek, he drops the book to the ground, stepping over the discarded novel to cradle Stiles’ face between his large hands and pull him in to the best kiss of his life.

Derek’s lips are soft and warm, and better than Stiles could have ever imagined. Derek’s arms curl around his neck as his own snake around Derek’s waist, holding them together until he has to pull back for breath, but not far, still close enough to rest his forehead against Derek’s.

“God, I love you,” Derek murmurs against Stiles’ lips before capturing them again.

“OH MY GOD, DID HE JUST SAY THAT,” Laura squeals excitedly from behind the counter, “what the hell did it say?!”

“In case it wasn’t clear, the feeling is very much mutual, big guy,” Stiles speaks in to Derek’s cheek, surrounded by their own little bubble of StilesandDerek, oblivious to Laura scurrying around behind them.

Picking the book up from the floor, Laura turns to the first page and reads;

For my mom, may she rest in peace.

For my dad, for never giving up on me.

For Derek, for teaching me that it’s okay to be

a little broken, that it’s okay to be different.

Mostly, for showing me that true love

does exist outside of story books.

[hypnoticharlequin]

Hypnotist Posters (Again!)

I’ve done this once before, but there are so many interesting old hypnotist posters around I couldn’t resist showing off some more I’ve come across.

I covered the Flints in my previous post but I wanted to show this one off. I actually unironically love this poster as it reminds me of Dante Gabriel Rossetti’s works due to the floral pattern and the lush skin tone used on Miss Flint. 

What I have found out since the last installment was that Miss Flint was heavily advertised as a solo performer, getting her own posters and other things. According to one source I found, she was famed for her dress collection and women would attend her shows, just to see what dress she was wearing that night!

Also, she had the cutest nickname a hypnotist has ever had. Seriously, “The Little Hypnotic Subeam” is just fantastic and would actually make her stand out amongst her contemporaries who went for much more formal and authoritarian titles.

I think this poster is from the 1890s. At least that is the date I see linked to this poster when it is mentioned and the art style sort of fits that date.

Obviously, the first thing that draws your attention is Kennedy and his pose. Where a lot of hypnotists went for a more intimidating or solid pose, Kennedy seems rather fancy-free.

Also, it’s nice to see the moon from Majora’s Mask getting work. This was one of it’s earlier appearances while it was still young and fresh faced. The people on the moon are pretty cute, I like the woman in the middle, I mean it takes a lot of effort to be having so much fun you almost fall off the moon. This poster seems to fit in with a tradition that saw magicians hanging out with various magical beings on their posters. Seriously, the sheer number of posters that feature magicians just chilling with Satan is pretty mind blowing.

If I could sum this poster up in one sound, it would be never ending screams. 

Now, I can’t find much about “The Amazing Ormond” but I do wonder if this is Ormond McGill, better known as Dr. Zomb. He wrote the book “Encyclopedia of Genuine Stage Hypnotism” which is still considered to be the bible of stage hypnosis. 

This poster is honestly terrifying. I’m not sure if it’s partially due to the reproduction, old paper stock with a black background is notorious for its inability to scan well. But the black eyes mixed with the uplighting give this a seriously creepy vibe, Ormond’s face having an almost uncanny valley look to it.  

But, I can’t deny it worked, I’m not able to go through my folder of hypnosis posters without this one catching my eye. In fact, one of the main reasons I am writing this post is so I can delete this image from my hard drive. 

I don’t know why, but this poster reminds me of a perfume ad. I’m not sure if it’s the color palette or Miss Brandon’s slightly wistful look. 

Joan Brandon is pretty famous in magic circles for being the first televised female magician. She was famous for combing her magic with orchestra music (played by her own orchestra) and was very well known for her signature trick, a magic cocktail bar (a variation on the Think-A-Drink trick.) 

In hypnosis circles, she is most known for her books, The Art of Hypnotism, Successful Hypnotism, The Science of Self-Hypnosis and Help Yourself Thru Hypnotism and Self Hypnosis which are all still good reads even to this day. 

The Art Of Hypnotism is also known for its rather amusing photographic illustrations. It’s easy to find online but quite often turns up for a few dollars on eBay or in second-hand bookstores and I thoroughly recommend it. 

This poster is one of those I see around a lot and only recently bothered to look into the history of. It’s from 1966 and I always thought it was from later on. This poster looks just so very 60s I really had it down as a later parody of the style as opposed to actually just being of that era. 

It actually took me a long time to find out even the most basic things about this guy but Merlin (real name William Joseph Rawle) was from Australia and was Australia’s oldest performing hypnotist.

I want to zoom into the text under Merlin for a moment, as it is rather glorious. 

It really is a throwback to older posters to have a description of the acts performed front and center, but compared to some of the older hypnosis posters (which promised utterly insane things) this seems rather restrained. In fact, these are now considered stock hypnotist tricks.  

What makes me chuckle is the onion eating trick. It’s done all the time but it always interests me to see which fruit is used as the replacement taste. In the UK it always tended to be an apple, and I’ve seen orange used a bit in the US. I wonder if you could do a chart of “onion taste replacement fruits” arranged by geography. 

Being the oldest performing hypnotist, Merlin has several other posters over the years. 

This one focuses more on his mind reading as opposed to his hypnotism, but I utterly love the design. It has this almost 3D effect which makes it look like the poster has a few actual physical layers, but I do suspect it might be the issue with scanning black ink rearing it’s ugly head once more.  

While the last one was pretty joyous this one is practically metal, with its skulls and very industrial images in the crystal ball.

 This poster seems very old school compared to the other two, mostly due to how text-heavy it is. But unlike some posters, the claims all seem pretty normal by today’s standards. The only one that sticks out to me is the one about treating children for nervous complaints while they sleep. All the methods I have seen for this involve just standing and whispering to your child while they sleep because nothing helps the nerves more than an adult looming over your bed whispering at you in the deepest, darkest night. 

Virgil and Julie were a big magic act in the 1950s and 1960s taking shows containing a few hundred illusions around the world. 

Hypnotism played a part but it was nowhere near the focus of the show, but this poster is something to behold, it really is a mish-mash of everything that was hip in the era. The B-movie Esq UFO and the almost eerie-cutie spacewoman flying around it. 

Julie’s costume is very similar to that of the Jeannie from the Tv series I Dream Of Jeannie which debuted in 1965 and went a long way to putting the “harem” costume we know today into the public consciousness.

I want to end on this poster which became quite the rabbit hole for me and I’m frankly not 100% sure I’m correct on all of it. 

I had a real good laugh when I saw the Reveer because he looks like every stereotype of a magician and hero cowboy got thrown into a blender. The turban and the Lone Ranger mask just look so silly together. 

I also found it funny that his name was close to that of Reveen, the hypnotist famous for his performances in Canada who would have been performing at around this time.

Then I got to digging and found I could find hardly anything on Reveer, apart from some poster seller listing him as Tony Cole, a magician who apparently worked sharpshooting into his magic act which does explain the Lone Ranger mask.

Tony Cole also apparently had posters of his own, but all I can find of them is the following: 

And no, Tumblr isn’t going weird, that is the only image I can find of one of his posters. I did, however, turn up a news article on him from 1977 from “The Independent Record from Helena, Montana” advertising a show he was going to do. 

As you can see the resembelence is there so I presume this is the same guy.

As an aside, you might realize this picture is totally and utterly unreadable. The place I found it had the plain text of the article, unfortunately, it was made by OCR copying the document and the results are an utter mess.

Some highlights include: 

To be able to make someone do what another person desires carl brln^a gleam .into the eyes of ambitious people. 

This impression oF hypnotism's power is one of the mast fallacious and dangerous, according to Cole, who when pressed will admit bis lull name is Tony Colo, a hypnotist, magician ami entertainer.

In between all the weird OCR errors, we can see a recurring theme that Tony Cole doesn’t like to use his first name, which means he is the Cole from the latter poster and would explain why he would make a stage character.

M PEOPLE L'NDEH HYPNOSIS won t do anything they wouldn't do normally, " ttie Canadian-born entertainer said In an Interview In Helena. 

Cole recalled ihnl a Groat Falls A A W manager had been hypnotized and was told he was Elvis Presley. The man began gyrating and singing, dulng spills and performing in the late-lfloOs style (bat endeared Presley lo the teen set. Cole said. He added that the shy A & W manager would not normally rarry 1 don't think a person has to put someone in an embarrassing situation or use anything smutty or not in clean family fun in order to entertain. 

I’m sure we can all agree that Elvis’ late-LfloOs style was by far his best style and one that really became his signature. And all of the teen girls were into Elvis for his pet bat. 

He tries, to Tony Cole, a hypnotist, magician and all-around entertainer correct any misconceptions about hypnotism, anri he hypnotizes willing members of the audience. 

He tries to himself? Is that some artsy way of saying he tries to be himself?

On his stage, people might shiver In Ihc arctic temperatures he has described or away In Lhc breeze like palm trees. 

And his chauffeur and helper, Wayne Adolph, emphatically added In his gravelly voice. "It's real."

I don’t know why that bit made me laugh so hard, but it really did. I’m not sure if it’s the fact the guy is called his “helper” or just the fact he decided to just randomly join the interview. 

MORE AND MORE PEOPLE are believing in Ihr authenticity of hypnosis, contends Cole, who has certificates from at least three schools of hypnotism and who has been licensed to leach hypnotism Physicians, dentists, psychiatrists, pollliuUnH, ministers, entertainers, teachers, lawyers, salesmen, atnletes and pilots are among those, who are studying or using hypnosis, Cole said. 

Some beneficial uses for which hypnosis Is being sLudled include easing childbirth, treating alcoholism, slopping smokers from Indulging and treating empbysemn and asthma victims to breathe properly. 

All of these arc medical uses or hypnosis and "the practitioner must by certified as a hypnolechuician and receive a doctor's prescribed order before he hypnotizes someone. Cole said. 

Yes, everyone remember to become certified as a hypnolechuician, that is a very important qualification to have. 

But ask him about himself and the answers dissolve in shrugs and evasiveness. He doesn't like to use his first name. 

Again, some more information that works with the idea that Cole had a few side characters he played sometimes. 

 He makes good money at hypnotism and his oilier entertainments as he travels across the country and into Canada. 

However, I do not wish to see Mr. Cole’s oilier entertainments.

"I know I have a talent but that talent should he scared. ]f pc0pte |,ave a latent and don't share it they re ripping it elf." 

And your guess is as good as mine on this last one. 

So there we have it, The Great Reveer, hypnotist and fiction all rolled into one oddly costumed package. I wish I could find more on this as there seems to be an interesting story in here, but unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any records I can find.

However, if this taught us anything, it’s that if I get bored of hypnosis, I can just turn this into a bad OCR blog. 

[crabsticksforbreakfast]

A Very Unexpected Conversation

I can already feel the wave of slightly terrified and excited giddiness washing over me before I even begin to type about yesterday... Let’s just say, a conversation was had that I suspect will change things between S2 and I completely. Here’s what happened.

At the end of the day, the team gradually peeled off, leaving S2, Diva and myself in our room. Diva was working, S2 was busying himself online, and I was trying to fill in my overtime sheet for the first time in months. There was a strange tension between S2 and I. I had noticed it just a few moments earlier when we bumped into each other in the corridor and neither of us seemed to know what to do with ourselves. Before that we’d had what I could only describe as a “smiley moment” as we passed each other. Sitting next to him felt intense somehow, although nothing was actually happening... or so I thought until I looked over at my phone.

On my screen I glimpsed that a notification had appeared, and upon closer inspection, I saw that S2, who was still sitting next to me, had sent me a Facebook message, “Boo”. I grinned to myself, trying to suppress it slightly as I knew S2 was watching me, expectantly. I typed back, “Oob”.

From this, an excitable and weird conversation ensued, starting with S2 sending me the alphabet letter by letter, then disrupting me as I tried to send it back to him, letter by letter but in reverse. It was then time for emojis, lots of emojis, nonsensical emojis that meant absolutely nothing at all but made us go all giggly regardless. We were like a couple of kids texting each other while in the same room. S2 kept sending me the same sequence of emojis - a shower-head, a bath tub, the man and woman symbol, a toilet, and a pink bikini. Diva returned from doing something elsewhere and our silly conversation continued, although there was no more giggling. It was a secret silly conversation. Diva was ready to leave now so we all walked out together. S2 and I were still sending each other complete nonsense. 

Once we parted ways, the nonsense continued, however there was a distinct change in tone... things suddenly got a little suggestive on S2′s part, which I totally missed at first. Once my brain had caught up, the giddiness kicked in. Was he flirting with me? Only time would tell. So, I kept replying, and things escalated into a much flirtier, albeit still weird emoji/GIF/text conversation. It involved showers. S2 was telling me about the problem with his shower, that there was not much hot water. Apparently it was a problem “we” needed to solve. Being totally thick, I got kind of confused by this. What was he implying?

I took a break from the conversation as I had an essay to finish. S2 seemed a little put out that I was disappearing, so I promised him I would return, and after completely failing to focus on my essay, I was back. The problem solving continued, and this is where I started to freak out a little (a lot). It was becoming ever more clear that S2 was suggesting that the solution to the shower problem was for us to share one, but he was being annoyingly vague about it. I found it very difficult to choose a response, which only made him more determined to get an answer from me. This got my back up a bit, and almost made me run for the hills. Anyone who has spent more than five minutes with me could tell that I am not the most confident person. I don’t do nudity. Literally the only adult who has seen me naked is Skittles who is like a sister to me. S2′s overbearing flirtation was making me nervous. I felt like a teenage girl getting pressured by her boyfriend to take things up a level before she’s ready. I didn’t like it... but I liked the fact that things seemed to be transforming between S2 and I. I was now stuck in a dilemma. Did I listen to my fears and shut this down, or did I ride it out and see what happened?

In the end I decided it wasn’t the worst idea in the world to let my guard down. Vulnerability scares me, but it seemed a better option than letting myself get riled up to the point where I snapped, most certainly ruining things between S2 and I. I also had to bear in mind that S2 isn’t like other boys. He doesn’t have the same social boundaries, and most certainly doesn’t notice how other people feel, so there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d realise he was being too full on with me. So, in as good-humoured a way as I could I explained that sharing a shower would not be something that would come easily to me. I’m the girl who wears board shorts and a long sleeved top in the pool. I wasn’t saying no to the idea, just “not yet”. He seemed to understand, but clearly still had hopes of swaying me. I simply reiterated my point as many times as I needed to, and eventually he seemed to cool off... Perhaps he took a cold shower...

Somewhere during this debate (and may I add, 5 hours after we’d started talking that afternoon) I told S2 I was going to go for a bath. His response was so goddamn sweet it made my belly flip - “Don’t go lol”. Unable to leave him hanging, I took my phone to the bathroom with me and continued to chat in between leg-shaves. Once I was clean and dried off, I took our conversation into the bedroom, my bedroom, and now it was my turn to be brave.

“Synchronised sleeping sounds like a sport I’d do well in”, I typed. S2 asked what that would involved and I told him - sleeping at the same time and trying to synchronise our dreams (read: sleep in the same bed together). He was up for the idea and mentioned the weekend. I already knew he had the house to himself, and I’d inferred from his mention of the weekend that he was suggesting we give our new sport a try. I genuinely have plans this coming weekend, and I told him so, then he confirmed my suspicions by telling me that he would have invited me round to join him if I hadn’t had plans. “There will be other weekends”, I said, then he once again suggested we go and sleep in my car at the beach. I expressed my approval of the idea, then made sure he was definitely up for the idea. He was.

It was getting pretty late by this point so I asked for his permission to go to sleep. He granted it and we wished each other goodnight. I barely slept of course, and considering his chat status showed he had been online at 3AM, I’m thinking he found it pretty hard to settle too.

Things at work today were interesting. I didn’t see him until break. I was doing whatever I was doing in our room and he came in. We weren’t alone, so I shot him a cheerful greeting which he returned. But we were awkward. Eye contact was hard for both of us, and I could barely say anything. I didn’t expect anything different, to be fair. We’re both fairly shy people, as much as he likes to pretend otherwise, and I think we were both overcome with a rare kind of bravery last night that we had no hopes of mustering face to face.

The awkwardness continued well into the day, until lunch time when I made more of an effort to catch his eye and show him that we were cool. However, the moment we were alone, the tension returned. I could barely compose myself and probably talked a whole lot of nonsense just to fill the air as I was kind of scared that S2 might bring up last night. At the same time, I really wanted him to just acknowledge it and get it over with, but he never did. And then, Sorrow returned to the room and the pressure was off.

I didn’t see S2 after that rather awkward lunch time, and a part of me is glad. I still had my essay to finish, so the last thing I needed was to be all up in the air and distracted. The essay got done, and now I’m just sitting here wondering what will happen next. S2 hasn’t contacted me, which I’m not overly surprised or worried about. He’s probably just as confused as I am about what our conversation really meant and where it might lead. I just hope it leads somewhere as this waiting game is getting really hard, especially now I know there might actually be a prize at the end of it!

[stars-sunsets-and-oliver]

Demons

So I write this for school a while back and I figured I’d share it here.

WARNING: VERY TRIGGERING AND SENSITIVE SUBJECTS

It sucked being stuck in a prison. Well, it felt like one anyway.  I know this isn’t one, but it still feels that way when you're trapped here because nobody wants you. Nobody loves you.

It was basically a Boarding School, but so much worse.  All the kids here would be put into foster homes for a while, then brought back or adopted, except me.  Constantly watching other kids find homes. Watching kids smile and laugh as they meet new parents, even if they’re only there for a time.  Being left alone… to myself.  It’s very rare I do end up in a foster home.  It’s only happened 5 times in my 15 years of being alive.

I came here when I was 2.  My dad left before I was born, and my mom… well, I hate to think about it.  Then I’d been put here. At first things were fine, everybody understood why a kid that’d been through what I had was quiet, barely even spoke, but now they all thought I was weird. I guess I can’t blame them, I am weird.

It’s been a whole year since the last time I spoke.  Online school suited me fine, I had books, I didn’t need to speak to get food or anything so it all worked for me.  Except that nobody cared, except the demons.

Well, I suppose they only care about when I’m afraid… but that’s better than having people not care at all.  For the most part I was fine, as long as I didn’t let my imagination run wild I was fine.  As long as I wasn’t afraid, I was fine.

It was around 2 in the morning, nobody else was awake.  I’m often awake when nobody else is. Insomnia makes life hard.  I just laid on my bed for hours most nights.

Sometimes I think I’m the cause of my insomnia.  I’m afraid of the nightmares that started to plague me after I came here.  So I scared myself away from sleep.

Slowly anxiety starts to cross my mind, anxiety and fear, as I think about the nightmares.  Watching over and over again my mom… then seeing myself not running away.  Watching the demons appear, one by one… creeping up to me, stalking me… then…

No! I’m not thinking like this.  I stand up, walking quietly over to the door, careful not to wake anybody else.  I carefully open the door and walk out.  I’ll just take a walk to shake off my nerves then I’ll go back to bed and sleep… I head straight for the hall full of pictures and stories of different kids that have lived here. It’s cool to read all the stories about them.

I walked down the empty hallway, calmly, knowing fear would only spark them.  If I was not afraid, there was nothing to fear.  They had nothing to feed on without fear.

It was strange, being the only one awake at this hour.  Walking through silent halls, the only noise coming from my footsteps as they echoed down the narrow, empty, and plain hallways when normally all the other children run and scream.  This place, I don't like it.  I hope I get to my next foster home soon.  It's depressing here.  But then again, for me, it's depressing everywhere.

Nobody gives me a chance. Everyone ignores me... It's terrifying. Nobody gives me a second glance, I'm the quiet shy kid... Would anyone care if they got me? The thought sends shivers down my spine.

Suddenly I realize I’m just standing there. When did I stop walking? It seemed even darker than it had been before.

Then they were there.

My demons… They surrounded me, all strange and warped.  They were all twisted, gnarled, walking and standing in weird ways and positions.  They were all shiny, it looked almost as if they were made of oil.  Some sort of inky black liquid almost looked to drip off of them constantly, but it always disappeared before it hit the floor.  Perhaps it was my mind making them more terrifying than they already were.

They started getting closer and closer to me.  I could see what looked like words carved into their faces…

Anxiety

Depression

Loneliness

Fear

So many more… I didn't know there were that many of them…

Out of nowhere one of them leapt at me.  I tried to scream but nothing came out. I felt nothing as it hit me… I just… absorbed it.

A horrible sense of anxiousness settled down and I knew what was happening. They were taking control.

I tried to fight back. Trying to think positive things but they kept coming. Leaping, flailing, making these awful, wretched noises as they did so.  Those that weren’t jumping at me were snickering. These deep, hideous hissing noise that made my brain hurt and feel like jelly.

 There were about ½ of them left, half had already hit me. I just now notice that I’m walking.

I try my best to see where I’m going, but a lot of the halls look similar here. Eventually, I see a sign and know where I’m going, against my will. I’m headed to the kitchen.

I struggle again, not knowing why I’m being taken there by them.  I know this fight is mental, but I’m losing all the same.  We reach the kitchen door and about ¼ of them are left now.

I didn’t know why they were bringing me here, and I didn’t want to find out.  I tried to fight, but my body moved of its own will.

The remaining demons kept leaping, faster and faster at me.  At one point I seemed to have crossed the kitchen. I was standing in front of the knife drawer.

I realized what was happening all in one moment. I surge to stop this before it was over for me. I struggle to think of all the wonderful things in my life.

Books, writing, art, finding happiness… but it isn’t enough.

There are only a few left now, and they still come.

5 left.

I open the drawer.

4 left

I pick up a 10 inch long, glimmering, silver knife.

3 left

I struggle to find a reason to fight, any reason at all.

2 left

The gleaming metal gets closer and closer to my throat.

1 left

It rests against my throat, I can feel the cool metal pressing down ever so slightly. I try to fight everything that’s happening but I’m too weak now…

None left.

I can practically feel time slow down as against my will the cool metal slowly tears across my throat. I feel every bit of skin slowly separating as the sharp edge cuts across. I feel the thick liquid spill onto my neck and down my clothes.  I smell the pungent stench of copper filling the room. I try desperately to scream, just one last time, but nothing comes out as blood gurgles in my throat.  I watch slowly as black splotches fill my vision.  I fall to the ground, and the knife clatters down next to me.

They got me. My demons got me.