#I am THE barney fan

[innkeepercore]

barney taught me… hit them until they stop. barney taught me hurting

Barney is the single most important person in Clint’s life and the fact that he never got a mention in the MCU is both infuriating and a relief

[pirate-cashoo]

Thinking about Half-Life.......

[scribbiesan]

“…Hi, Barney.”

This was supposed to be posted early this morning but I did a goof and overslept heavily.

Anyway, here’s the finished product of a commission for the wonderful @borrower-barney-enjoyer ! Featuring a feral Gordon and a chilling Barney, these two are two peas in a slightly too large pod, even if Barney needs to learn something about personal space.

Again, thank you so much for commissioning me man!! It was both terrifying and amazing to work on this for you!

Hope you enjoy!

Toodles~!

(PS: i realize now after sleeping so long that i missed a few details, like the tread on Barney’s boots, and the motion lines for the tip of Gordon’s tail…. I’ll leave it as is, but only so i can use it as a reminder to always check over art pieces before saying they’re done. I have problems with jumping the gun sadly T_T)

[lady-manfredi]

Imagine Barney being unable to wait until you get home to blow off the adrenalin and steam from the mission you just did, so he shoos the guys home and corners you right there in the plane, trapping you between his hot body and the cold metal as he takes full control, restraining your arms above your head before going full feral, breathing hard on your neck, lavishing it with open mouthed kisses, rutting his hardness against your slick panty clad core.

[gordon-furman]

whiteboard doodles

[autistickaitovocaloid]

I do quite like project mirai I'm pretty sure it was the intention but it really does have a very like. Playing with toys vibe. The PSP project divas (esp extend <3) are still my all time favourites though I love the "future" energy those games bring to the table.

[beanthebugboi]

Canon/Headcanon likelihood chart

So I've been thinking about @macdenlover 's "levels of headcanon" chart (about how heavily a HC is influenced by canon), so I decided to make my own scale about how likely a HC is to be true (including different levels of canon) using queer cartoon characters as examples :)

I just spent an hour making this because I was bored. Enjoy. Image description under the cut.

Inspiration:

ID courtesy of @hatreds-og-imagedescriptions (thank you!!)

[ID: a chart going from 10 to 1, with explanations of the ratings on the left and images of characters with queer flags and descriptions of said characters on the right.

10: "Explicit canon. Clearly stated in the original media." Trans Barney from Dead end Paranormal Park. "Barney says "I'm transgender"".

9: "Implicit canon. Never explicitly stated, but 100% canon in the original media". Nonbinary Raine from The Owl House. "Raine never says "I'm nonbinary," but uses they/them and is never referred to as a man/woman (also, confirmed by Dana)".

8: "Creator confirmation. Never stated in the original media, but confirmed canon by the media's creator". Aroace Lilith from The Owl House. "While never mentioned/implied in TOH, Dana has confirmed that Lilith is aroace".

7: "Heavily implied. Never confirmed, but likely true (either by canon evidence or creator implication)". Genderfluid Nimona from Nimona. ""Aaand now you're a boy" "I am today" (anyway, the whole movie has trans/GNC themes)".

6: "Possibly implied. Hinted at in the original media, but could be explained as something else". Trans Doofenschmirtz from Phineas and Ferb. "Doof COULD be transmasc, or the whole "raised as a girl" thing could just be for the bit".

5: "Fanon. Never confirmed, but generally accepted by the fandom". Aromantic Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. "While only confirmed to be ace, most of the fandom also sees Alastor as aromantic".

4: "HC with evidence. Headcanons supported by a dedicated fan's detective work". Bisexual Mabel from Gravity Falls. "People have noticed bi flag stickers hidden on Mabel's scrapbooks".

3: "Canon neutrality. Could be true, could be false, but overall makes sense and doesn't contradict the original media". Genderqueer Pleakley from Lilo and Stitch. "Maybe Pleakley is genderqueer, maybe he just wanted to crossdress for the mission, who knows? That's why it's a headcanon."

2: "I made it the fuck up. Based on vibes, has absolutely nothing to do with canon". Bisexual Megamind from Megamind. "No evidence, no explanation, he just has Disaster Bi™ vibes".

1: "Um? No? But go off. Directly contradicts canon (but who cares, that's why it's fun)". Trans Stanley Pines from Gravity Falls. "Even though flashback scenes prove Stan is AMAB, some people HC him as transmasc." End of ID.]

[newtafterdark]

ALYX VANCE SWEEPS IN & TAKES OUT THE BEAR TAG TEAM, CEMENTING HER AS THE WINNER OF THE SEMI-FINALS! 🏆✨

[hard--headed--woman]

Hello and happy Pride Month everyone ! 🏳️‍🌈

As promised, I am going to talk about an important lesbian in history everyday. And this first post is about one of my favourite :

Renée Vivien !

I have seen some people talk about her here but she clearly isn’t as famous as she should be, and she deserves way more recognition!

Renée Vivien, whose birth name is Pauline Mary Tam, was a British writer poetess, who wrote her poetry (and most of her works) in french ; born in 1877, she died in 1909, at only 32 years old.

Renée was openly a lesbian, and she never tried to hide it despite the society she lived in being extremely homophobic and considering homosexuality as an illness. In her poetry, she mentions her love for women a lot, and wrote a lot of love poems for several of her lovers. This even earned her the nickname “Sappho 1900”. ("Sappho 1900, Sappho cent pour cent").

Of Sappho, she was by the way a huge fan : in 1903, she published the work "Sappho", in which the poet's Greek texts are followed by a French translation, as well as verses by Renée Vivien, which thus "completes" the remaining fragments of Sappho's writings. This collection greatly helped to anchor Sappho's work and her identity as a lesbian woman in our culture.

Her work consists of :

Twelve collections of poems, totalling more than 500 poems

Several translations of Greek poetesses (including Sappho)

Seven books of prose

Around ten novels (written under various pseudonyms)

A posthumously published collection of short Gothic tales (written in English this time)

A book about Anne Boleyn's life

It is also possible to read her diary and the letters she exchanged with her lovers, friends and other personalities of her time, including Natalie Clifford Barney, Colette, Kérimé Turkhan Pacha and others.

Pauline studied both in Paris and in London, then decided, once she came of age, to come and settle in Paris. She published her first collection,"Études et Préludes" in 1901, under the pseudonym R.Vivien. This pseudonym later became René Vivien (the male version of Renée) then Renée Vivien, the name under which she will be remembered. We can easily guess that she first chose these neutral then masculine pseudonyms to be able to write and be published despite the misogyny and homophobia of her time, especially given the themes exploited in her writings.

Sadness, death, ancient Greece, love, despair, solitude and love are the most recurrent themes in Renée's poems. There is actually a poetry prize in her name, the Prix Renée Vivien, which rewards poets whose themes and style are close to those of Renée Vivien.

Among Renée's best-known lovers is Natalie Clifford Barney, a famous writer and poet, with whom she had a relationship for several years before leaving her, tired of her infidelities. It is said that Natalie never accepted this breakup and tried until the end to get her back by all means, sending her love letters even years after.

Renée then had a relationship of more than six years with the rich Baroness Hélène de Zuylen, married and mother of two children, with whom she traveled extensively around the world and collaborated on the writing of several works (under the collective pseudonym Paule Riversdale). In a letter to her friend Jean Charles-Brun, Renée admitted that she considered herself married to Hélène.

While still living with the Baroness, she received a letter from a mysterious admirer, Kérimé Turkhan Pacha. What followed was an intense four-year epistolary relationship, interspersed with brief clandestine meetings. In 1908, however, Kérimé, the wife of a Turkish diplomat, put an end to their relationship when she had to follow her husband to St. Petersburg. This break-up probably contributed to Renée's tragic end.

The writer was in deep psychological distress, which only worsened from 1908 onwards. Alcoholic and suicidal, she began refusing to eat properly, and attempted suicide with laudanum. After this failed suicide attempt, she contracted pleurisy, which left her very weak, and then chronic gastritis due to her alcohol abuse. She gradually fell into anorexia, and, with her limbs paralyzed by multiple neuritis, she died on November 18, 1909, aged just 32. Her death was attributed to "pulmonary congestion", probably due to pneumonia complicated by alcohol and anorexia.

After her death, intellectuals, artists and newspapers, out of lesbophobia, tried to make her forgotten by the literary world, describing her as a woman of evil and damnation, perverse and cruel, going so far as to invent for her a life of crime, debauchery, orgies with married women, violence and cocaine consumption.

Today, Renée Vivien's name is no longer known to the general public, and is never mentioned alongside those of great ans famous poets such as Arthur Rimbaud or Charles Baudelaire, despite her gorgeous poetry, her immense talent and fascinating work.

She's personally my favourite, and not only because she was a lesbian. Her poetry is the most beautiful, interesting and deep poetry I have ever seen. She deserves to be as famous as Victor Hugo or Paul Eluard (and even more famous, in my opinion lol).

Here is one of her poems, with its english translation :

A link to some of her poems (in french but you can use a translator) ;

And two links with some of her poems translated into english : 1 and 2.

You should totally buy and read her books and poems, I have them and they're amazing!!! I'll post more translations of her poems in the future for those interested.

Anyway, thanks for reading and see you tomorrow for the second post!

[flowerbloom-arts]

hi hi!! all your art is so so cute i love it sm ⭐️🙏🏼❤️ i was wondering what your thoughts on smoe (smithers x moe) are / if you’ve heard of that pairing before? :o i think it’s so cute considering previous and newer episodes where we get to see them interacting / as a duo!!

+ all your genderbent designs are so so perfect, i’m such a hug fan of your chalmskinn ones and i just recently saw the one you did for moe and barney and it was perfect!!

++ all the detailing you do for your simpsons art is so good (like skinners scars from his time in the army) ahhhh, such good attention to detail!!! ok that’s all for real now!! thanks and wishing you well!!⭐️

First of all thank you so much for liking my stuff!!!! It means so much to me esp when it comes to the Genderswap AU and stuff, I still think about it so much but I'm procrastinating haaaard on so many ideas because of Hutznick brainrot wjfjskg

And yes I am very aware of Smoe! I'm not personally invested in the ship but I'm not against it at all. I think they can be super sweet and fun and lovely!

[amiscreations]

Meeee!

who else is in the leppard tattoo club

[beeriowedya]

me and my friend group are having a vote on who the hottest half life character is and were divided. in front of u are 6 options and there is no right or wrong answer i am alittle biased but we will see,,,,,,

(POLL LASTS A WEEK LOL)

edit: I FORGOT ELI VANCE IM SORRY!!!! ELI FANS I HEAR AND SEE U PROMISE I CANT EDIT THE POLL BLOCK SINCE I ALREADY MADE THIS😭😭💔💔💔

and my friend made me add coomer to this even though he’s just an npc character in half life unlike hlvrai😭

[winstein-nin]

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Characters - Garfield Style

This series of images basically started thanks to Lyman Banner being called, well, "Lyman". Given that I already created a series of Mario characters in the style of Garfield, I decided to give the Garfield style another go. Thus, Lyman Banner is basically Lyman with Lyman Banner's clothing, leading to Jaden/Judai being based on Jon Arbuckle, because I think it's funny, and besides, they are practically the main characters in a sense.

While Yubel is based on Liz (and in fact I called the fusion "Yubeliz"), the resulting character doesn't appear to have much in common with the real Liz, so I would probably not attribute much to the character of inspiration. I do personally think that the result is not to shabby, especially with the various details that Yubel has!

Initially, I didn't want to base Pharaoh on Garfield, but ultimately I relented because I wasn't satisfied with the initial sketch for Yubel. My initial idea was to base Odie on Pharaoh and Garfield on Yubel, because Lyman was Odie's original owner, so that would make sense. Also, Garfield has often been joked as some demonic entity so in my mind that seem to make sense. But after I analysed Yubel's details, I became unconvinced that it would be the best idea.

Winged Kuriboh was a late addition, because in my mind, doesn't Jaden/Judai have Winged Kuriboh as a spirit partner? The choice of character ultimately went to Gnorm Gnat for the deep cat and the fact that I felt that this is probably the best character to use for Winged Kuriboh.

And finally, here are some rejected sketches:

To elaborate on why I changed the Yubel and Pharaoh designs, Garfield's smaller body makes the details unable to stand out very well, even though I personally liked Odie's design. But a change of plan necessitate that I redesign the two from scratch. I'm also personally not a fan of portraying Garfield as a demonic entity that a group of fans do, so in a way, I am sticking to my beliefs in this case.

As for the second Pharaoh design (top-left), someone feedbacked that the cat looked too much like Garfield and I am inclined to agree, and I expressed interest in showing off a detail on Pharaoh that never got to be shown: the head pattern. Garfield does have cats with a forehead, like Barney (the cat).

There you have it. They're probably not the most perfect Garfield style, but I think I am satisfied with how it turned out.

Thank you for reading.

[angstflavoured]

You have any fic recommendations? Any fandom really lol. You have good takes and interpretation so I feel like you’d have some fire recs

AWH WELL THANK YOU !! I dont actually know how great the ones I read are gonna be since usually the fandoms Im in are scarce on content 💀 but ill go ahead and list a bunch of the ones I really like. I definitely spend way too much of my time reading one shots. REALLY wanna get back into longer fics, but its hard to find ones I care enough to sit down and dedicate time to these days 💔

Smiling Friends

bittersuite, charlie/pim: AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED !!!!! THIS FIC CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER !!!!! It is hurt/no comfort, but its soooo good it hurts so good and also there is supposed to be more eventually so i'd get on this one first bc when the second one drops its gonna be a day in history

Dimples, charlie/pim: I just read this last night and was so pleasantly surprised ☹️ Its so damn cute and I love how it delves more into both of their characters.

Portal 2

interface, chell/wheatley: HANDS down, best portal 2 one shot out there. the way the characterize chell is fucking insane, altered my brain chemistry forever. also wheatley is so hehehheheheh

You Do It, adventure/fact: I have a very love/hate relationship with this author..... Im not the BIGGEST fan of how they characterize them, esp Fact, but its definitely the most decent factventure content out there. I so like this one quite a bit, though their ideas are definitely better in theory than completely in practice. That's how I feel abt a lot of their works, but this person unironically holds the title for like 90% of the factventure content. If you just want some quick cute smut of them, i'd say you should check out their acc, cus I get the factventure fandom is starving LMAOO

I've got the fuse if you've got the light, adventure core/reader: ....erm, very self indulgent for me hehe!!! i was so fucking excited when this dropped

Half-Life/HLVRAI

Autonomous Sweet Mesa Response, benrey/gordon: THIS FIC IS SOOO FUCKING FIREEEEE !!! OH MY GOD, I can't even count the times I've read this one. their dialogue is as good as it comes next to canon. If you like this one, this is the first in a huge series and litearlly all of them are just as good as the first. such a good sit down and binge author. They also have a shit ton of other good hlvrai stuff on their page and they make fire art

If You Asked Me To, benrey/gordon: the way they wrote the sex scene in this changed my brain forever, it was so fucking awesome.... frenrey dynamic makes me WILD

Whispers and Moans, barney/gordon: this whole author has a lot of super cute freehoun :'[ this one deals with them before the resonance cascade AND after and shows how things changed between them and its so precious grrraah

Promise, barney/gordon: again, deals with the timeskip stuff which just always makes my heart hurt... also shower sex smiles

It’s Only Natural, barney/gordon: I DIDNT REALIZE THIS FIC JUST GOT FINISHED THIS YEAR OH MY GODDDD I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS need to reread this immediately

Team Fortress 2

He's a Rebel, sniper/spy: SUPER fucking cheesy and corny but oh my god its like one of my fav fics ever..... it's just so much fun, like stereotypical fanfic and that's always a good time to me. biker gang member/school teacher au are you fucking kidding me i'll vomit

It IS the Size That Matters, sniper/spy: erm.... BLOWJOBS!! always find myself coming back to this one sorry i really like it hehe

Secure, demo/solider: Not a lot of fics of these guys, which really sucks!! super underrated ship. I liked this one a lot tho, its pretty cute and a little emotional

Something to Rely On, sniper/spy: casual sex but really sniper is in love will forever be my favourite thing ever, it never gets old istg

The Silent Game, sniper/spy: can you tell I really like sniperspy, MORE BLOWJOBS!!!

Disco Elysium

The Collision in Cardiozone HQ, harry/kim: holy. fucking. shit. actually life changing i am not joking. so fucking heartbreaking, it left me hollowed out for like a WEEK after the ending. A longer one for sure, but SO worth it like oh my god

The Catacomb Killer, harry/kim: I don't think I ever fully finished this one, but I remember REALLY liking the whole case the fic was set around. there was so much thought put into it, it was genuinely interesting like a murder mystery show

Retour à nouveau, harry/kim: I did really like the whole plot and buildup in this one, but from what I remember, them getting together was super anticlimatic :P i recall being disappointed, but the whole actual case and their interactions during the fic are super cute

Mortal Kombat 1

the game of idiocy, johnny/kenshi: BY THE SAME AUTHOR AS BITTERSUITE!! this one is sooo fucking cute, the way they write them interacting is so much fun. a little troupey and on the cheesier side, but cmon who doesn't love that

Undertale

Flowey is Not a Good Life Coach: no ships but delves a lot into flowey and papyrus relationship and there's so much good sans development too. SUPER GENERIC, it IS one of the most liked fics, but I remember reading it back when I was a teenager and it blew my fucking mind. ghhghggh i love the way they write the brothers interacting so much

The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes, sans/reader: uhmm.... soo sorry, this fic will forever hold a special little place in my heart. I'm sure if I read it now it would be SO corny cus oh my god it was fucking 2016 like are you kidding, but I'm just a fucking sucker for fake dating. there like 5000000 troupes in this one and theyre all so cute and its just a fun and silly time. it subconsciously inspires so much of my writing in fics. will probably forever be unfinished before they get together though HAHAH so definitely do not read if you're looking for a solid ending. its just about the journey i swear

[vortexonsaturn]

Was The Finale of How I Met Your Mother Truly That Bad?

That title may come as a shock to any How I Met Your Mother fan, or even just anyone on social media when the finale aired, as the infamous ending is widely known as one of the worst endings in sitcom history. It was unanimously agreed that this finale was awful, so much so that the creators of the show immediately released an alternate ending to appease fan outrage. However, I would argue the ending truly does make sense in retrospect.

What Went Wrong?

As a huge fan myself, for many years I also held the belief that the ending was well...wrong. Being an avid Barney and Robin shipper, their divorce felt abrupt, especially considering the fact that the entire final season takes place over the weekend of their wedding. And losing the sweet, wonderful Mother mere moments after meeting her? Pure insanity.

The biggest fault in the finale however was the fact that it was fully planned during Season One. The plan was always for Ted and Robin to end up together. In order to prevent David Henrie (Luke) and Lyndsy Fonseca (Penny) visually aging over the course of the nine years the show spanned (which was canonically probably just a month or two) they filmed the iconic, "You're totally in love with Aunt Robin!" scene way before any of the natural character development occurred.

Because of this advanced planning, it denies the characters we had grown to love the ability to change at all during the course of the series, forcing them to morph back into odd, and now unfamiliar, Season One versions of themselves. It leaves a bitter feeling to the whole finale as:

Barney resorts back to his womanizing ways, neglecting his growth and change over the series. Almost completely flanderizing him in the final episode.

Robin is bitter and barely seen by the group anymore.

The entire group has separated, only catching up during holidays if at all.

The Mother dies episodes after we meet her.

And most controversially, Ted and Robin are endgame.

So seeing all of this, its may seem as though the finale managed to screw up nine years of character arcs and fan loyalty in only two minutes.

But,

Was the ending actually the perfect way to sum up this story?

What Went Right?

While the ending truly did reject viewers expectations, it was always supposed to end this way. It wasn't a cop out.

The story of How I Met Your Mother is about so much more than Ted meeting the Mother, it's about Ted's 20's and his friend group. But more importantly, it's about reality.

We see many times throughout the show that Ted is chasing this idealization of fate, he spends almost the entire show chasing Robin because he truly believes that she is his fate.

But the reality is, fate is messy. You may not always get what you thought was the perfect ending. There isn't always that pretty bow to put on top of life. More importantly, the ending you thought was perfect is simply not always the ending you get. Life is ever-changing.

Foreshadowing for finale (however much you hate it) is sprinkled throughout the series, and these moments remain some of the most impactful scenes in the entire show.

Let's break this down even further.

↳ For the sake of this argument we're going to revisit 8x20, The Time Travelers and the writers use of Ted's Favorite Book. ↳ While the foreshadowing that I am arguing is shown in many episodes and plots, I believe these encapsulate it the best.

The Time Travelers Episode

This episode is one of the most popular episodes of the series, as it is truly depressing. It is argued to be one of the saddest episodes in the show (although I would say Bad News is objectively the most heartbreaking).

In this episode we follow Ted recounting an average night in MacLaren's Pub with his friends until it is revealed the entire evening was all in his mind, and in reality he is all alone.

Following this realization we get a narration from Future Ted, that in hindsight should've been the biggest hint for the finale.

Future Ted tells us that instead of simply going home this night, he would instead go to the Mother's apartment and say this:

“Hi. I’m Ted Mosby. In exactly 45 days from now, you and I are going to meet. And we’re going to fall in love. And we’re going to get married and we’re going to have two kids. And we’re going to love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away. But I’m here now, I guess, because I want those extra 45 days. With you. I want each one of them. And if I can’t have them, I’ll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face. Because I love you. I’m always going to love you. Until the end of my days. And beyond.”

What a gut punch considering the fact that the Mother falls fatally ill in the finale. Someone play The Prophecy by Taylor Swift.

Seeing Ted beg for just 45 extra days knowing the Mother dies is honestly one of the clearest signs of her ending. Her fate. Her destiny. The Mother while insanely lovable and a quick fan favorite, was always written to die.

But, an even BIGGER piece of foreshadowing remains in Ted's Favorite Book.

Ted's Favorite Book

In the episode Matchmaker (1x7), we find out Ted's favorite book is Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez. This book's plot focuses on a young couple in love who grew apart, one them goes on to get married and the others spouse eventually dies and the original couple finds one another. Sound familiar?

This is the exact plot of the Ted, Tracy, and Robin storyline.

We see Ted reading this book the exact moment he meets the Mother. This easter egg was planted in Season One.

I often times see people be critical of the shows finale as they view it as a cop out, a lazy ending to a show that was out of left field. But that purely isn't true.

As much as I love Swarkles, and as much as I love Ted and Tracy together, you cannot deny that sometimes stories just don't end perfectly. Life doesn't work that way.

So what does all of this mean?

Does foreshadowing excuse the ending? In my personal opinion I truly think it helps.

With a show like How I Met Your Mother that surrounds itself with themes of fate and destiny, you cannot be upset when these elements come into play. The Mother dying was her Fate. Ted and Robin ending up together was their Fate. This is always how the story was supposed to end, no matter how infuriating it is. This is their Fate.

Ultimately, I believe that if the creators fleshed out the ending across even just two episodes the fan reception would've been way better. The timing of it all causes a sort of whiplash feeling, leaving a bad taste in your mother when the How I Met Your Mother title-card flashes at the end.

So while personally I will continue viewing the alternate ending purely for mental health reasons, the original ending will always hold a special place in my heart.

TLDR:

The ending could've been way better, but this was always the fate of the show and characters and you truly cannot deny that.

Note: Sorry if this seems all over the place I feel very strongly about this show, prepare for a Swarkles rant next or maybe even a character analysis of Marshall Eriksen.

[ceasarslegion]

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows