#I also make stuff for my own enjoyment.
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🎺 - playing an instrument
It’s literally my job. The hacking/sleuthing stuff is my side hustle, but my actual job is being Kirah’s producer. I make the music.
#I’m a musician!#A good one!#I also make stuff for my own enjoyment.#oddtumblr tox#oddworld tox#tox#ask tox
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How do you draw so frequently???
I'm starting to think I probably have some passive ADHD so I end up always admiring ppl who can just constantly do stuff, it's like a dream, your art is also like a dream, Vasco is also a sweet dream, I really like Vasco, he looks really sweet
I set aside a little bit of time every evening just to draw, it's become almost like a wind down routine for me. It helps if I don't treat it as serious 100% effort hard mode art time, I usually multitask a little on the side, watch a movie or take breaks to do little chores around the house and art just sort of happens if it happens. Lately I've been making mostly personal low pressure feel-good pieces.
#this isn't really normal for me either I'm typically way WAY more shiftless#I've been unusually productive during these past few months but I may slow down sooner or later#drawing Vasco/Machete stuff is nice it gives me some badly needed serotonin and results in this positive feedback loop#so I keep making more#I also switched to different antidepressants earlier this year and I'm thinking maybe they have something to do with it#perhaps they reconnected some wires in my brain and suddenly drawing became a lot easier and more enjoyable who's to say#I'm just trying to make the most out of this creative period while it lasts#answered#anonymous#own characters#Vasco
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I still find it funny how a pr*shipper called me an anti as if it was a negative thing to dislike ships that are problematic, y'all know the "pro" in "proship" stands for problematic, right? <-(probably a false statement but that's how I've heard it)
I'm not usually a hater but like, they came to my post (one where I said "I take shipping rise April with the turtles as inc*st since she's depicted as their sister and is even referred to as family by Karai") and told me that I'm crazy for saying that shipping people who call each other family makes me sick???
My brother in Christ, it wasn't a debate, it was a boundary, and you're added to my blocklist
#they also didn't even follow me so I was just confused#they just walked into my house without buzzing in and spat on my rug#just to say “wow this anti is crazy for saying it's weird to ship ppl that say 'you're like family to me'”#like dude I think if someone says you're like family they don't want to get together#I get when people make content based on their own awful experiences with this kind of content but it's not glorifying#it's expressing pain or trying to cope#it's so much different when it's being portrayed as an awful thing because when it happens it is#I'm not at all saying you can't make this content to help get over trauma#what I don't like is when people make it for their own enjoyment and make it seem like it's a good thing#age stuff r*pe and inc*st can be done if it's done in a way that shows it is bad and devastating to someone#I do not like this content if it is made for someone's enjoyment#it needs to have warnings beforehand and proper tags#some media can be made for grief and coping#this is where I stand#also not a fan of tmnt mpreg
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hi!!! first off, i absolutely love my croissant book. second, to protect it, i was wondering if i could scan the cover so i could make a hardcover shell for it? to glue onto the shell bc i love the cover. i'd share pics when it was done (even though i've, uh, never done anything like this before and it probably won't come out great) but i wanted to ask permission first.
also your baking looks delicious
Absolutely, go nuts! (Thanks for asking!) Honestly, if you want to hit me up in messages or even reach out on my storefront, I'd be happy to send you a high-res version of the cover if that would help 👍
#GOOD LUCK WITH THE PROJECT! YES PLEASE SHARE WHEN YOU'RE DONE!#OH ALSO THANK YOU RE: THE BAKING COMMENT#come live close to me I always make way too much since my partner doesn't eat sweets and I need to give some AWAY!!! lol#As a general rule of thumb for everyone too: I'm pretty loosey goosey about -waves arms around- people doing things with my stuff#My general rule of thumb is: if it's purely for your own enjoyment and not something you're going to sell who am I to stop you haha
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apologizing in advance for the person i will become when the next pjo show season comes out
#and the one after that etc#IM GOING TO BE SO NORMAL OK. ill be the normalest guy ever. nobodys gonna be more normal than me about this#iv. eive. been reading the pjo books (first time actually) and. I care them all so mcuh. the books ever#so so many things i cant wait to see in the show. ive been imagining how some stuff could be translated into the show as i read#im so excited ougfhhh i love these books. life changing reads and im not even really halfway done with them#i just started the third one today actually :mindblown:#i sat down just to read the first few pages before i go to sleep. and erm. i ended up sitting there reading the first ~60 pages for over#-an hour instead. Its so good man the only reason i stopped reading is bc if i dont go to sleep now ill pass out lmao#anygays i love pjo forever and ever and when the next seasons come out im going to be insufferable (/pos)#Also i feel like im always saying this but#im not actually apologizing like i said in the post. im not sorry for shit!! im having a good time#cam.txt#side note omfg i wish i didnt get so much of pjo spoiled its ruining my fun. everything couldve been so much more enjoyable#its my fault im always spoiling media for myself just bc of my insatiable need to know everything Smh. im my own worst party pooper.#a killjoy but not in the cool mcr “killjoys make some noise” way 😞😞 big ol spoilsport right here
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Well, I think most of the secrets on TBOB's website have been found at this point, which probably means there's not much left in terms of the book, and by extension, Bill. I was saying this on Discord, but it really does feel like a swan song for his character, like Alex is finally (and literally) closing the book on him.
Which is FINE WITH ME, I'm glad we got the stuff we did but also please stop giving us more lore on him, Alex <3 We've had enough, time to stop for now <3 Let the fans take it from here <3
#Hayley Speaks#Also I've been saying that while I enjoyed the website stuff#I've enjoyed it much less than the book itself#The book itself felt a lot more like a love letter to fans; leaving space for people to fill in the cracks with their own headcanons#As opposed to the site which feels like we're veering a bit too much into 'Okay now some of my headcanons are getting jossed-#-and that makes this less enjoyable for me' territory#I think Alex should quit while he's ahead and just let people enjoy what he's given us for now#I do not want more about Bill at this point
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my last week, a visual demonstration
#Robin processes emotions on main#hi yes I came back early. it's in order to process. I needed to like.... spill my guts on the dashboard tonight#IM STRUGGLING..#I have GOT to get a job#just one (1) more visit to a friend this summer and then I will be APPLYING for things again#also I'm having the very devil of a time trying to get myself to contribute to this household. I hate it#I hate that helping out makes me feel like I'm losing my agency—losing myself—like I'm dying every time. I want to be BETTER than this#but I also need to feel like an adult with agency but also I need to BEHAVE like an adult but even just saying that makes me feel nauseous#I need. something. to change. I hate this. I feel selfish and cowardly and I hate feeling selfish and cowardly#I need to . communicate. work something out with my mother so that I stop feeling perpetually behind and ashamed#if I could manage to feel good about chores and not just like I'm scrambling to keep up..... that would..... be... more... motivational#the problem is that I feel unsafe/unstable right now and my instinctive response is to close myself off to all demands#WHICH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO BECOMING MORE STABLE.#demand avoidance makes me bad at contributing to the household AND terrified of applying to jobs and AUGH... AUGH.#I DO BETTER WHEN I LIVE ON MY OWN#living on my own‚ I don't have to deal with the whole soul-crushing horrorshow of negotiating my own emotions about doing chores#chores are GOOD and ENJOYABLE when they're for ME. they're only psychological torture when they're things I do as part of my ''rent''#ok. bedtime. I've sufficiently spilled my dang guts all over the place. it will get better eventually I think#I'm just having a horrible time Right Now#I'll figure this out though dangit#I KNOW the answer is to just Do the stuff and face fears and communicate and whatever I KNOW. but if anyone tells me that I'm going to bite#ok I'm done thank you and sorry to anyone reading this far <3 it really will be all right
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Making a few writeups for my new hunter shit while I wait for this stupid flat inspection (I don't technically need one, but there was an admin changeover and now they want to 'get to know the flat'). Juniper's still Juniper but I am trying to go for a slightly different feel... do lemme know if any of her enjoyers have thoughts :3 (i love you immediately if you enjoy a Juniper, and that's a guarantee)
#new hunter story#writing stuff#I really need to come up with a name for this story#I'm actually super excited to make it once I'm done with WtE#it's filling a big gap in my life that my vtm stuff has left behind.#I don't feel comfy with the wod scene anymore#so this helps#I'll still do htr stuff and some art for my own things but... paradox really screwed with my enjoyment#also the jerks.#turns out people are really snippy and mean if you don't get their blorbo#and that. sucks#especially when it's over /fandom/ of all things
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I am literally the most disorganized artist and it annoys me sometimes because I'll draw like 5 different things in a single canvas (at least I manage to sort those into separate folders lol) but like, the file is named something specific to just one picture from the bunch of stuff I was doodling in there. So if I end up closing the file good luck finding random other drawing #4 I wanted to finish
#personal#it is a hell of my own creation literally would be solved by just making a new got damn canvas every time I draw something#BUT NO i do this to myself. enjoyer of my own suffering#tho tbf its funny to be drawing like som cute shit in a file called something like suffering.clip#oh also I lied I only sort them into folders once the pieces have like colours and stuff#so until then its just me guessing which sketch layer is the one I want to draw from#why? because again. i like to suffer. I guess
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oh no do i need to get back into poe right this second and speedrun the games
#i wanted to take my time with them but wdyfm avowed is set in the same world wahhh#leevi liveblogs#although idk if im playing 70€ for a game. thats way too fucking much.#but ok lets think about this#if its coming out in february. it would be fine if i could finish poe1 in december AND start poe2 then too and not run out of steam with#either game...#but this sucks bc i JUST got a nice balance of playing an action game and reading a vn#so my gaming needs are perfect rn#i dont want to drop both higurashi and mhw for a game thats not out yer#also mhwilds is coming out in february too iirc#i kinda want to play avowed at launch bc i know itll b popular and i dont want to miss out on the early days of a game like that#this is kinda sad but i feel like i have to be there early for games if i want anyone to enjoy my creative efforts#i know it doesnt work quite like that but i love making edits but i kinda ran out of steam for them bc#i got placed into ''500 view jail'' on tt like a lot of my mutuals there#bc we're not posting stuff that's hot right that second#which sucks ass#and i know i shouldnt let engagement drive what i do creatively. but it's a lot more fun working hours on a silly little edit#when i can connect with people over it#instead of it being just mostly ignored#bc i make things to share with others. or well ok i do make stuff for my own enjoyment but i also enjoy sharing things i like and liked doi#leevi talks
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The toxic thought to drop art completely and delete my art blog that I barley use to begin with and only created as means so my art is easier to find/organize even if I draw for the nichest fandoms possible but know people like my art and I shouldn’t be so discouraged but I’m in a state where there’s a million fucking things bothering me and I’ve been drawing less for no reason cause I have the TIME just no energy or motivation.
#meg text#might delete later cause I hate getting venty but fuck#mental state hasn’t been the best so that’s why I post less but also I’ve left this blog untouched for months#and also my post barely get shit so no one really cares#but yeaaaaah I’m having one of those#I like to create stuff I think in literal pictures it’s fun to make your own visual stuff but art has not be enjoyable#I wish my perfectionism wasn’t so bad it’s literally ruined how i perceive art really really bad#I hope I can get over it but ever since that ONE time I got sick in May I haven’t drawn daily#you don’t NEED to draw daily but you should be consistent and I’m failing at that#it hasn’t been this bad since fucking covid#But also my life since May aside from the one con been shit so ahahah can’t say I’m surprised#at least it’s not my writing taking the hit but it has to be art…
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idk if people genuinely do panic about leaving comments on old fics, but tbh as someone who has older fics that are still somewhat popular, one of my favorite comments to get is from someone who says that they are coming back to reread or that they're "finally" leaving a comment after rereading so often. i always reread my favorite fics over and over, so it fills me w/joy when i get those comments even - or especially - for fics that were written years ago.
#liveblogging life#just got one of these on my hobbit fic that still gets consistent comments/kudos and is probably my most popular fic still#and tbh it gives me such joy! i love knowing people reread my stuff!#also i put finally in quotes bc i genuinely never feel like someone 'has' to leave comments no matter how much they reread or w/e#comments are like a little extra treat for me - i love them but i'm usually just baffled to get them lmao#bc the fics i write are... so genuinely written directly to my own tastes and for my own enjoyment#i share them a) bc it's fun b) bc publishing them gives me more motivation to finish them since there's accountability involved#and c) bc then i sometimes get little comment treats!#but like... the idea that i'm 'owed' comments or that readers MUST comment is just like. so wildly different to how i view things#that EVERY TIME i see fic writers making posts about it im kind of like... lmao okay and move on#anyway just saying this bc it does give me a little glowy feeling every time & people just really shouldnt ever be anxious#when they comment on old fics. authors love that shit lol
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In today's episode of 'Sae, do you (...)': the topic of Ningguang and Yelan, and I thought that I should note my opinion more clearly outside of my rules as it's very important information for my portrayal: I do not ship Ningguang and Yelan romantically.
Honestly, while this is of course my own opinion, I don't find that there's anything to really substantiate a romantic interest between the two. For starters, I don't think that Ning, as interesting of a character as she is with a past that might just be similar in its 'rise' to Yelan's (we're left with very little information on the latter's childhood), ticks the right kind of boxes for her, though to be fair: not many do. Yelan craves a specific sort of thrill in her life, I mean she lives it at the roll of a dice because she is, on some level, bored, and craves the unexpected, the unusual, the 'surprise', and Ningguang's life nor personality seem to play into that. Beyond it, Yelan would need a kinship within this very specific 'loneliness' that I talk about too often and I think that Ning is not one who quite meshes into that in the right way.
Second, despite their long-standing history that even predates their mutual involvement with the Qixing, there seems to be a certain professional distance between the two that I'm quite fond of that is shown in brief event cutscenes, and also Yelan's vision story, that I find inherently intriguing. Perhaps this distance plays more into Yelan's character of not investing too heavily, or rather not too easily, into social dynamics than it does Ning's (I'm not one to weigh in on her character), but it seems evident to me that there's also that semblance of professionalism that creates a line that takes away the possibility of growing closer on an emotional level. And whether that's a mutual decision or not is not up to me to judge, but I think it's one that's made rather clearly from Yelan's side. On top of that, Yelan is Yelan and it's my personal belief that shipping her is rather difficult.
Now I'm also inherently of the opinion (unpopular, I know, I apologize) that dynamics aren't always more interesting when written in romantic settings, and I don't think it's a benefit for all of them to veer into a romantic nature. And in my opinion (and most importantly: in my depiction and understanding of Yelan's character), I think that having Ning and Yelan cross the line from professionalism into something inherently more rooted in romanticism, would be a detriment to their dynamic. Because honestly, I think the fact that Ningguang being one of two people (other being Uncle Tian) to know Yelan best, without ever crossing that line, is too good. I would simply, well, just prefer to keep that not only platonic, but professional, but of course not excluding it of Yelan's quips, and the occasional 'confidant' element.
/rambles in tags because I feel like I have more to say that I shouldn't flood the post with.
#[ psa. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.#[ also; and this is where you'll learn more about my 'single-ship' self-- i love the concept of ningguang and beidou. ]#[ and i wouldn't want to take away from that dynamic /in my own head/. it's not about what others do/see/view. but about my own head. ]#[ if i did ship it-- it'd counter that dynamic and i don't like that (again: in my own brain). ]#[ i'm an odd rper in that sense; but i almost have difficulty straying from this... single verse concept. ]#[ in my head i tie specific characters to other specific characters after a lot of thought and i don't commit to those thoughts easily. ]#[ but then i construct this entire huge narrative in my head that's almost like its own book. ]#[ and so i can't easily 'copy' that multiple times for multiple ships. does that make sense? ]#[ but /because/ i do that-- i heavily scrutinize dynamics across the board and it's where a lot of my enjoyment as a writer comes from. ]#[ these analyses of specific characters and dynamics. why are they the way that they are? ]#[ it's psychology. i love it. it's not just saying 'i love finding out what makes characters tick' but it's actively really going... ]#[ 'yeah okay i could ship these-- but is there basis for it and /why/ and /in what capacity/ and specifically: /would they decide to/? ]#[ sometimes i tell myself that i'm not made for rp'ing because i'm too analytical meshed in with too much emotion. ]#[ because i get too invested. ]#[ but i just-- i don't know. i wanted to kind of explain why pointing stuff like this out is important to me and my portrayal. ]#[ especially for yelan who has such a... god; it's almost an unhealthy headspace. you can't mesh that with just anyone. ]#[ the person has to /really get it/ and understand it almost on this level that isn't logical for most humans. because it's unusual. ]#[ but it's important that it's understood /by another human being/. ]#[ and i also think some people genuinely don't mesh in /that/ way. some can mesh perfectly platonically in my head and then... ]#[ not at all romantically. but when /my head/ has decided that this is how it is-- i respect when people disagree; i do. ]#[ i will never say that my opinions are the be all end all for other yelans or even yelan's character in specific. ]#[ as much as i like to think i analyze-- /i could be wrong/. ]#[ but all in all; i do respect if people disagree. but there's just certain opinions i have for my own portrayal that i need to note. ]#[ but also-- a little explanation as to why i'm single-ship more often than not. i wish i could budge how my brain works. but alas. ]#[ /sips coffee past midnight. ]#[ it's been a day. it really has been a day; i need to make my own serotonin tomorrow. i miss writing. ]
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as further research for my stars-isles soulbond theory, i think it's good that we got a joint isles-stars gameday where the stars played first for once. now we can see if it was the isles that had the power here (their outcome dictated the stars outcomes, so if the stars play first they are not beholden to the whims of the soulbond) or if both of them are just truly connected & the stars playing first will still mean that only one of them can win
#zoe.txt#i should make a spreadsheet or something but i really worked my way backwards into this theory#& retroactively checked scores and stuff to see if it held up#also no one but me cares about it#as the one stars-isles fan in the whole wide world#so the spreadsheet would just be for my own enjoyment & idk if i'm really there yet#don't wanna validate the cursed soulbond like that
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the timeline
If you've ever wondered just what the hell I was doing with the fics I was putting out and this timeline I kept talking about, this is what I meant lol
It's actually got quite a few more characters listed out to the right but for the sake of relevancy and size I just kept the first few columns.
The notes are either specific key events or (italicized) published fics. I started making this into an actual timeline sheet just a bit before I dropped out of the fandom entirely so I haven't been able to flesh it out as much as I like, but now that I feel like getting back into stuff I'm sure it will populate pretty quickly lol
Color meanings (majorly as relevant to Techno and his pov):
Maroon - Living in the Nether
Soft Green - Traveling with Phil
Yellow - Living in Hypixel
Blue - SMPE and the Antarctic Empire
Neon Green - DSMP
Red - If an MCM was held that year; If the character participated in an MCM that year
Black - Character is not yet born or is dead
#it's very sparse still i did clean some stuff out just for my sake#also you can't see it here but i apologize anyway to any and all business bay enjoyers including myself#i could not make business bay tommy and dsmp tommy the same person following my vision for the timeline it just could not work#so they are technically different people but characterization wise they would be very reminiscent and at some point techno definitely looks#at him like “is this? is this the same guy?”#he thought he escaped him but no he's found his younger doppelganger#but yes planning on rewatching skyblock and smpe and pw again so i can actually sort out plot points and timelines some more#maybe encourage myself to write who knows#technoblade#my writing#ae boys au#timeline#also ik the potato war is very short but again timeline shenanigans and trying to make things fit logically for character ages#i think realms would have some degree of their own timescales that may not run fully parallel to every other one#especially as they are being run and fueled by different gods with different levels of power and experience#hypixel already has so much control over the death and well-being system in his realm why not time as well
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started playing ball dur's gait 3
#mine#6.5h in (i may have stayed up past my bedtime) and i am beyond impressed#not only do i get the wish fulfillment of making myself a sick ass wizard who hangs out with cool fantasy people#and does cool fantasy stuff including hitting people with magic (my dream)#but like the whole world feels like REAL also it feels FUCKING HUGE OMG THERES SO MANY AREAS#I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET TO AND THERES LIKE LITTLE HIDDEN ITEMS EVERYWHERE#AND LIKE SHIT GOING ON ALL THE TIME LIKE WTF THIS PLACE IS HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!#i kind of like how directionless it is like obviously theres the main story and stuff but you can really dick around#and you can kind of set your own pace and do things your way which is very enjoyable#even for me as someone who is kind of stupid and needs to be told what to do in video games#i think that aspect of it and the combat system being kind of complicated (but in a fun and challenging way imo)#is hopefully going to make me not suck at video games so hard LMAO#i did die last night i got my ass beat in the overgrown ruins chapel area on the beach...embarrassing#so i had to reset my save to immediately post-crash which was a valuable lesson#anyway i really like how it feels like every dialogue and action choice has so much gravity to it#before i click anything im always like will this make someone mad at me...#will this make someone like me...will this cause something in my vicinity to explode...etc. it's kind of heavy but in a fun way#idk i'm super charmed by it lol i'm going to play like all day maybe#my tav is a high half elf wizard (transmutation school) if anyone was wondering :3#hes a bit of a self insert lol he looks like a hotter fantasy wizard version of me#but hes also kind of a discrete guy (i say this because hes been doing more killing than i would want to)#(like when i went to the church and had to kill those guys i didnt wanna do it but i had to :( wah)#anyway.....fun game. all should play#o astarion kinda hates me too lol i need more points with him im just too nice#shart likes me and wyll likes me too i think (idk how to check approval on the steam deck lol)#i havent found the other companions i seriously have no fucking clue where they are#one of the goals for today is to go sniff them out lmao
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