#I also found an article she wrote about how people were wrong and

[camelspit]

why does libby have an amish section now

[arainydancer]

i know this sounds quite harsh, but sometimes you really do just put dogshit on the internet. and if you put something like that to be seen publicly on the internet, you will get critique out of it too.

being insistent on some aspects that were outright wrong, like assuming a character is suicidal even though a note literally says that she doesn't want to die, just so that you could fit the narrative to your perspective, you are not even engaging with it. but we engaged with your review. how could you ever accuse that i did not engage with the argument while you yourself never tried to?

i know it's a huge shocker. the response i received from the author was a bewildered reaction that someone of "my high profile status" was trying to dogpile on them and incite harassment, even though i responded to the one thing about the article that i found an issue with. i actually do not give a shit if the author thinks that the two pair in a video game is akin to a master and slave or if they think a game is better than that. whatever.

i don't care if they think it's not as good as a game they liked. i don't! i'm a game developer, and i know that these things aren't for everyone. i only took issue about how the outlook towards the portrayed culture in the game is systemically racist. do i think the author is racist? no. it's possible to say offensive things without intent, and intent has absolutely jackshit to do with any of it. and so i wanted to correct them on that, and potentially everyone else who might think the same way.

back on the "dogpile" argument:

i apologize for being rude but you really can make something awful, and poorly thought, and poorly written. it's really possible, and i know it's insane. even me- if i wrote something like that, do you not think the thousands of people who know me won't also criticize me for it? do you think i am not afraid of making something terrible? not only that but i actually wouldn't even hear about the post if i hadn't heard of others who talked about it. it was already being negatively received. i didn't suddenly conjure people out of fucking thin air to hate on the post. it was ALREADY bad. is it my fault that i spoke up against it publicly? why am i suddenly not allowed to? i am one person, not an organization, and i do not present myself professionally. my presence is a hobby. just like yours. and never have i said "please demolish this person."

i have had my fair share of being doxxed and being called out as "cheap outsource" due to my nationality. i've read hundreds of negative steam reviews about my game. i've watched dozens of youtubers with an even bigger audience interact with my game, and me as a developer, in bad faith. i am not invincible to this sort of treatment. and me criticizing a singular aspect of a critic is so goddamn tame. i don't understand why you have to run away. i have seen nobody genuinely harass you as an individual after i posted my reaction- only criticize the work you posted.

you posted in under the tag where everyone could see it. so you have to be able to handle the heat if it's not going the way you want.

this is my final word, but as the responsibility was assigned to me by the author's friends, i want to clarify.

[ingravinoveritas]

Why do I feel like this post just got personal and going in for the attack like she did for the radio one on twitter I'm not shocked or surprised by this cos the behaviour is getting more stranger and nasty and a fan on twitter shared this on her page saying we got ur bk u got a whole army behind u. I'm sorry what army and I'm sure if they spilt the fans wouldn't be behind her them they literally making it worst

What do u think ?

So, I saw/got a whole bunch of DMs over this Insta story this morning, but didn't have a chance to talk about it until now.

My first thought was that this was almost certainly in response to the negative reviews and backlash coming out for The Way in the wake of episode 3. The two biggest culprits in terms of media outlets seem to be the Daily Mail (Fail) and the Telegraph, and while I won't link to them here because I don't want to give either site any traffic, both reviews can easily be found via a Google search. Adding to those were a stream of vicious comments, both in the comments sections on the respective websites and on social media, largely from what seem to be right-wing/leaning accounts and public figures.

Knowing that, it made me think that Michael had to have been aware of what the potential reaction to the show could be. We know he was, actually, because he's talked about it in several interviews over the past few weeks, such as this one. And I think with Michael being who he is, he would be entirely amused at knowing he has pissed off exactly the right people. So while I could certainly see him in private having a reaction like the one in AL's story--more than understandably so, given how nasty some of the reviews and comments were--that doesn't necessarily mean it's a good reaction to have publicly. And I think Michael knows that, too.

What also adds to the disconnect for me is that a few hours later, an article that Michael had written as a rebuttal came out in the New Statesman:

What Michael wrote is a brilliant repudiation of remarks made by a Tory MP--a piece that is intelligent, snarky, direct yet unfailingly eloquent. It wasn't just Michael defending his show, but using it (and Nye) to make a point, to make clear what he believes in, and to stand for the truth. And in much the same way that Michael's acting and oratory skills elevate any piece of work he performs, his writing conveyed that same depth, and it came across as effortless as everything else he does.

Which again left me with that feeling of disconnect when looking at Michael's article side-by-side with Anna's Insta story. It's not even that I disagree with her in this instance, as I do think the reviews were unduly harsh and devolved entirely too quickly into personal attacks in the comments. It's that when it comes to acting/directing, criticisms are part of the job, and whether she intended it or not, an Insta story like AL's conveys a sense of unprofessionalism. And when you put it next to Michael's writing, it looks more like a teenager throwing a fit instead of an adult giving a fierce clapback, which again probably was her intention.

Also keep in mind that everything I just wrote is predicated on the idea that someone seeing this story knows what AL is talking about. But I have to wonder how readily apparent it was, because it's so vague that it would probably be difficult for most people to suss out what she is referencing. So it's confusing to me that she is seemingly charging to Michael's defense...but without actually saying his name or the name of the show. Again, it feels like there is a disconnect/sharp contrast between Anna vague-blogging and how specific and incisive Michael was in that article, and it seems like they're not even close to being on the same page.

Those are my thoughts on Anna's Insta story from this morning. It's definitely a fair bit of whiplash, especially given the drastically different tone of her last few recent posts. But I'm interested as always to hear from my followers with your take, regardless of whether you agree or disagree. Thank you for writing in! x

[minaamc]

About the relationship between Jin and Xiaoyu…

Since i read an article by @purpura-xiao, i get the motivation to write an article, too, because I also had noticed something:

As I remember, there was an article where someone wrote that Jin and Xiaoyu don't interact much and how could they fall in love or something. For more information, please read the articles of @purpura-xiao . She explained well the relationship between Jin and Xiaoyu 🥰❤️ So I want to include some other information and why I think Jin and Xiaoyu will have more romantic moments in the dlc(including kissing scene):

I noticed in Naruto for example that it took many years for Naruto and Hinata to come together. They shared a kiss in the movie: Naruto the Last.

But why years later and not earlier? First, before we answer the question, let's analyze it first:

The thing is that Naruto and his friends had to fight enemies and they were also in a war. And Naruto was in character development and fighting to become the Hokage. It took years to get to where he is now and be the strongest man to protect everyone.

Also final fantasies Cloud and Tifa shared their first kiss years later

Naruto and Hinata shared their first kiss years later

Jin and Xiaoyu...years later they shared their feelings…

But WHY all these years later?

Because of the development of men. First fight your weakness, train to be strong, find the right path and save the world, be the strongest and then: WHEN THE WORLD IS SAFE NOW, TAKE YOUR WIFE AND GO THE SAME PATH WITH HER.

But what does this have to do with Jin and Xiaoyu?

Well, Jin and Xiaoyu went to the same school, became friends, and after Heichachi's betrayal to Jin, "losing" his mother to Ogre (SPOILER TEKKEN 8 JUN IS ALIVE), and dealing with the devil gene, Jin has gone down the wrong path by starting the war and hurting his comrades, especially Xiaoyu. All because he wanted to get rid of the devil gene and end the Mishima bloodline. Then he realized that this was the wrong way, so he finally found the right way with the help of his comrades, especially Xiaoyu and his mother. In the end, instead of killing his father, he spared his life after defeating him. In the happy ending, we see Jin and Xiaoyu riding bikes in the USA. Jin always had feelings for Xiaoyu, but for her safety, he kept his distance to protect her. Xiaoyu is one of the most precious people in his life.✨🌸

Conclusion

These men love their women, but before they could go any further, they first want to find themselves, develop their character, become strong and make the world a safe place before they can live happily ever after with their love of their life and make babies. 👶 😁

[olderthannetfic]

Re, this anon: https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/719669829313953792

Yeah, well... that's the point of a bunch of internet activists: they throw the stone and hide the hand, screeching that, if you're doubting their innocence, you're an imperialist racist who should never be allowed on the internet.

Stitch, the person they're picking up a lot of their schlock from, is a master in this: they attack people, and the moment those who got attacked ask what they've done that's wrong or ask to have a one-on-one conversation with them, they shut everything down, screenshot whatever they received, block the person, and then go on Twitter whining about being a victim of racism because their words weren't listened to like the Gospel. Over and over again.

After the TOG racefaker scandal broke, I went through her blog and, just as I had expected, she too followed the same modus operandi: attack, screenshot, block, cry about being a victim of racism because people didn't let her insult them and demanded explanations about her ranting, wannabe-academic, posts.

They're not the only ones who do/did this, but these are the two examples of constant "harassment is good if I do it, but I'm the only victim and the others deserved it" cycle that come to my mind as of now.

When you're looking at End OTW Racism, you have to expect the same thing. They don't have answers, they don't want to have answers. This whole movement (horribly organized, horribly promoted, horribly everything) is nothing but a huge stroke of ego for its organizers.

You know how antis accuse others of being racist or pedophiles or whatever else because, that way, the accused cannot defend themselves? This is the same thing: if the OTW doesn't address their manifesto, then they're racist because they refuse to acknowledge it; if the OTW does address their manifesto, then they're admitting that they didn't care about racism until the moment they were called out on it and their concern regarding racism within the OTW is manufactured.

It's a win-win situation for them because, no matter how much you try, if you don't fully and absolutely agree with them, you can be branded as racist.

If you scroll through the End OTW Racism tag on Twitter, you'll see plenty of people (and especially the organizers), tweet stuff in the same vein as "I went to olderthannet's Tumblr and oof," not so subtly accusing all the people who raised valid concerns and asked valid questions of being racist.

I'm also not the first person who mentions this, but Stitch does seem to be heavily involved with the project, and even if they weren't, their words have been used to build the manifesto, and they amplified this crap through one of their Teen Vogue articles.

Now... not only Stitch is known for acting in bad faith, attacking creators of colors, branding them as Uncle Toms, purposefully making fun of them if they don't agree with them and sending their followers to attack and harass, but, just in April, they were being dragged because of another article they wrote, in which they compared writing fics about bad fictional characters to worshiping serial killers. Weeks before that, they were being dragged because their fanbase of antis discovered that their fics included incest, something that goes greatly against their preachings.

How big of a coincidence is it, that Stitch needed to have their image cleaned of all sins and suddenly a group of people drops a manifesto and hashtag about racism in fandom, founding a movement Stitch fully and absolutely agrees with and can rave about for days on end? A movement that offers very vague answers and plans, and those creators attack anyone who doesn't immediately agree with them, to the point that no questions can be ever asked about it?

Unless I'm shown actual evidence that Stitch isn't involved with this, nothing will convince me that End OTW Racism was launched for any reason that isn't to rehabilitate Stitch in the eyes of their chronically online audience.

--

[kitaylo]

A little life rant post (spoilers)

I read A Little Life last month, and I've never been this conflicted about a book. At first, I really loved how it depicted trauma and how repressing it led to Jude's infinite suffering. However, the moment I reached Willem’s accident, I realized how poorly written the book was, yet it didn't stop me from finishing it, and by the end, I started seeing how Hanya is an incredible writer: beautiful prose, creative metaphors and interesting characters, however, her intentions were wrong.

I looked up some of her interviews and articles, and I was completely disgusted when I found out that the book that i initially thought was promoting mental health issues and the importance of therapy was actually the opposite of that. Hanya doesn't believe that therapy is helpful, though she never personally tried it. She also claims that she hasn't researched any of the themes in her book, which is rich coming from an author who wrote a book about a mentally ill character.

She also thinks that once someone experiences an insurmountable level of trauma, they're beyond help, and we should help them die. This rhetoric is shown in the last part of the book when Jude finally seeks therapy and seems to get better, but in the end, it doesn't help him much. Now, i know that therapy doesn't work for everyone, but writing a book where your character suffers day and night just to push your anti-therapy ideas is so harmful. Especially when your book is marketed as a book that depicts mental health, the message you'll send people who are actually suffering is that they are beyond help, so just end your misery.

I truly believed that this book was great before listening to the author talk. And let's not talk about how the female characters were lackluster, non-existent even, and the nerve to say this book is about friendship just to avoid admitting that your characters are gay is laughable. Miss girl really said i don't think men could be vulnerable in friendships, so they have to be more than that for them to open up, and yeah, she is talking about Willem and Jude who are just close friends.

[jamiedc-they-them]

R&R (Platonic)

Summary: Being the sibling of Carol Danvers has its perks, but also its downsides. One of them being pushed to the side you feel given your normalcy.

An// This story is a sort of vent about job hunting (currently ongoing for paying work. I do have a volunteer writing job which is ace and allows me to write articles about art!!! Genuinely loving it! Just also trying to find paying job for income as well.) and spiralled from there into a story about reconnecting, validation/repression of emotions, the struggles in a capitalist society, and community. Also, in terms of which character to use for this tale, was inspired by a story by @specialagentlokitty who wrote an incredible piece about Carol and Found family! Link for specific story will be here! Enjoy!

Also: This story deals with mentions of queer phobia (very quickly mentioned); mentions of previous alcoholism; and spoilers for “The Marvels”!

Please let me know if I’ve missed anything!

Story under “Keep Reading” which is below the gif!

You knew that finding any job would be hard, especially in a world has turned around as yours. With constant attacks and the whole blip thing, the job market was twisted (even more so) out of shape. There were people in your own boat – well, not totally, in your boat. You see, you had support. You were lucky, genuinely lucky. Carol being a massive part of SHIELD made sure you had some income to keep yourself afloat. It was enough to live and do things.

Still, it was coming up to about six months since your attempt to find a paying job. You had on and off work writing, though most was just for free - you didn’t mind that; built a portfolio after all – as you tried to find work doing anything. That was the hard part. That was also why you hated this system you lived under, but that was a whole other thing.

Your thoughts would spiral like this throughout the day. You’d wake up, send out resumes, do your part of the deal, then relax as much as you could – reading, writing, meeting who you could and when. It was a routine, and you liked routines.

There was a knock at your door. Your apartment wasn’t big at all. But, it was home. Or, as close as you could get with your budget. You opened the door, finding the person you wanted to see in front of you, rubbing her arm. She wore more casuals clothes. A white tank top and some jeans that had seen better days. Her expression brightened, however, when she saw you.

There was one person you wish you could see, however. Carol, your sister. She’d made sure you were looked after in her absence. That absence, however, was one that was ever growing larger and larger. Some days, you swore, you forgot what she sounded like – mistaking hearing her on the street for some stranger instead. It hurt you. Forgetting parts of the only family you had.

“Hey,” she said, voice soft as well as her smile. It felt nice, hearing your sister’s voice again. Though, with her being your sister, you could read her well – just as she could with you – so you knew something was up.

“Hey,” you parroted back, “what’s wrong?”

“Me? Nothing. Nothing,” she lied, “can’t I just visit my sibling?”

Despite knowing it was a lie, you smiled and opened the door up more. She entered your room. She looked around as you shut the door, trying the lock a few times, before finally getting it to work on the fifth attempt.

“SHIELD still helping you out?” Your sister asked as she turned to you, watching as you shook your hand a bit in pain when you accidentally trapped a bit of skin in the lock.

“As much as they can for a civ.”

“Thought they offered you a position?” She asked in confusion.

“They did,” you clarified, “I just didn’t take it.”

“Why not?”

“Just didn’t seem like what I’d wanna do. That’s more your thing.”

“It involves writing,” she said, eyebrows showing the confusion.

“I know it did. I just…it didn’t feel right, you know? You know how I feel about places like that,” you knew Carol did. Sometimes you both just needed a reminder about each other. You with her voice. Her with your beliefs.

She nodded, “I do. That’s fair.”

You still had that nagging feeling that something was wrong, “you wanna go for a walk?” You offered. She was a bit jittery. Arms swinging. Hands coming together, then apart.

Carol nodded, and you saw a part of her be relieved at the mere idea of movement.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

You both left your apartment. No one really recognised Carol. She was thankful for it. For once, she could just be Carol Danvers and not Captain Marvel. She could just be a normal – as normal as she could be, given everything – human. She could just go on a walk with her sibling.

However, that sibling knew something was wrong. And while she had always advised them to talk about what was bothering them, she was not exactly one to take her own advise always.

“Carol?” Her head shot over to you. You were looking at her with concern now. She wiped at her eyes. No tears, but she could feel them wanting to start pooling.

“You ok?” She asked, hoping to dodge a sort of bullet of not talking about the whole…Monica thing. Maria was hard enough…this just added to it. At least Kamala and reconnecting with Monica was a bright light and —

“All good,” she assured you, “all good.”

“You sure?” you pressed.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure,” she threw in a smile – one of the ones she’d give to people you underestimated her when she was a pilot.

You nodded, but the concern didn’t fully leave your eyes.

“What were you saying?” Carol asked.

“Just that I wish I started the look sooner, you know?”

Carol shrugged, “you can’t help how your brain was at the time either. Or…before that. Sorry. Been a while.”

You nodded, a sadness lingering in your gaze – she hated that look. It stung her too, “I know.”

She cleared her throat. This wasn’t going as well as she wanted it too. Not as smoothly. For either Danvers sibling.

“Hey,” she said, nudging you a bit, “how about in there?” She said, pointing to an old bar that wasn’t too far away form your apartment. The walk itself had been about half an hour, silence being there for most of it as you both seemed to sit in your own worlds.

You nodded, “I’m only having one. Then soft from then out.”

“Yeah?”

You nodded, “been working on cutting down.”

“I’m glad,” she was truthful there, “was scaring me a bit.”

You were. You were scaring yourself, and part of her could tell – but she could only truthfully say it as full on scaring her. The amount you were downing drinks wise with her. At the start, it was just social drinking, but that soon lapsed into something else. Something dangerous. She clocked it in your apartment, the lack of beer cans on the floor; and the way your skin looked healthier. You looked healthier. She was glad, honestly. Her sibling was doing, somewhat, better. She was glad that you were.

You entered the bar. It was late in the afternoon, and so a few people were in there already. Some regulars nodded at you, saying that they missed you. You just smiled and made some small talk yourself. Carol smiled at the sight. You had people here. She was glad you did. Your own little extended pool of people. She had them too. Kamala and Monica. It was nice, having them. Only one of them was g-

“What’s your poison?” You asked, looking back at Carol. She saw a twinkle in your eye. Some energy to you now. She knew it was part of your introverted self just being a chameleon, but she also clocked part of it being this establishment.

“Been gone so long I forgot,” she joked, even if it was only a half one.

She mirrors your smile, “then it’ll be that, then,” she said back in return, nudging you as well.

You nudged her, “normally just go with what I order,” you tease.

You went up to order. She sat at a table. She saw the barman give you a look that seemed to hold a warning, before it became a lighter one at something you said to him. He nodded, seemingly pleased, before pouring the drink for you both. Some ale type alcohol. Not her favourite, but maybe it would be with everything she’d tasted on her journey across the universe. She learned valuable lessons about not just sticking her tongue onto things. Both from herself, and Goose.

You came back with the drinks, putting one down in front of her, and sitting opposite her on the small table she had found. It was cozy. Both the atmosphere of the place, and the table itself.

“I missed you, too,” she said, putting her hand on one of yours after her own sip, “had Fury update me on you as much as I could. Signal was a bit dodgy in a few areas.”

“I missed you,” you said, taking a sip of your drink, looking at Carol for a moment, before back down to the drink; as if the words would anger her in some way.

You smiled a bit. You liked Fury. He was a good friend. He seemed a lot happier with this whole SWORD business than he did with SHIELD. Apparently that was in the hands of someone else now. Someone trusted. Something Mackenzie.

“You see anything exciting?” You asked, hoping to keep the conversation going.

Carol thought about it, like genuinely did, “some cool races of people. Most of them friendly. Had some problems with finding the Skrull a home.”

“How come?”

“I –” she paused. It was all coming back to her. The memories. The way she snapped at Kamala. The apology to the prince. The meeting with Valkyrie, a lot of things going unspoken between the two – cheek kiss aside.

“You can tell me,” you said, squeezing the hand that Carol had placed on yours.

She looked at you, eyes glistening a bit, “they lost their home, Y/N.”

You only squeezed your sister’s hand again.

You titled your head, glad your sister was being open with you, “her name’s Kamala,” she smiled softly, gripping your hand to try and ground herself, “she’s sweet. Got this cool power. My biggest fan. Seriously, you should’ve seen her room –“

“I had a – a friend come back to help them. Met up with Lieutenant Trouble and a young kid. We — we became a good team.”

“You were in her room?”

“By accident. We had a thing where our powers would make us swap. Hole in the universe will do that to you.”

“Sure,” you allowed – mind buzzing with ideas for stories already.

Carol clocked it, “ideas for your sequel?”

You narrowed your eyes a bit, trying to figure out how best to break the news to Carol, “sort of.”

“‘Sort of’?”

“Yeah. Sort of still writing the first.”

“Oh. Ok, that’s cool. How’s the writing coming along, other than that?”

You moved your head from side to side, “sometimes I’ll get lucky. Just need to get lucky with a paying job, then I can do more of the writing part, you know?”

Carol nodded, understanding the logic. Find income, then try make the dreams come true – and you had somewhat already, which she was glad of; but she also knew that it would start out this way, small bits to hopefully build up to a full on career that paid.

“That’s fair —“ she then clocked what you had said, “wait…you’re still looking?”

“Job market’s bit of a mess. Trust me, if I could go up into space, find some alien planet where either rent ain’t extortionate; or a place where the creative arts could give you a proper start and was respected by a ruling system and its people, I’d go in an instant.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, squeezing your hand.

You looked at her with confusion, “why are you sorry?”

“I was gone a while. I could’ve helped.”

You shrugged, “you’re a superhero. That comes first.”

Despite no biting tone, she still flinched at the words, “not when it comes to you. Not when it comes to family.”

“I’m not angry at you, C,” you assured.

“I would be.”

“I’m not you.”

“I know.”

“Monica’s gone,” she blurted out. She then burped. Then she looked up at the ceiling, “she’s not dead. She’s just…not here right now. The Khan’s helped set me up. I —” she took another large gulp, this time finishing the drink.

You let the silence hang for a minute, taking a drink. Carol beat you on the gulp she took. Seemed her body just processed liquor better than yours.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

You took a moment to process what she had said. Your niece was…somewhere else? After just reuniting with Carol as well – you didn’t have a chance to —

“It’s not your fault,” you said to your sister. Your sister looked at you and sniffled, breaking the hand hold and rubbing at her eyes.

“I know,” she said, “I’m just…I’m just sad.”

“That’s understandable,” you validated, “it’s a lot.”

Carol chuckled, “yeah…yeah, it is,” she allowed herself that, before looking at you.

“I’m sorry about your struggle with work,” she said.

You waved her off, “ah, it’s nothing, compared to —”

“No,” she said, using her older sister tone, “no, don’t do that.”

“Well, don’t do that,” you said, nodding your head to her empty beer.

“It’s only one,” she defended.

“Sometimes that’s all it takes.”

“I’m not you,” she didn’t even think about saying that – just as much as she didn’t think that much about touching the surge of energy that brought herself, Kamala, and Monica together.

You flinched a bit. Her face fell at it, “I’m sorry,” she said instantly.

You waved her off, “don’t be. It’s true. You’re not me. I just worry.”

“I can pay —“

“It’s not that, C,” you say, “I’m just…projecting.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Takes my mind off the whole, job hunt, thing.”

Carol nodded. It was why she was gone for so long too, trying to fix – or fixate on – something else to distract from other issues. From other things. In your case, your sister and your worry for beer consumption; for her, freeing the Kree from control, then plunging it into a civil war and dealing with all of that.

You took another gulp from your drink. Your one was nearly done as well.

“You wanna soft drink, or a half?” She asked, getting up, hoping to god her card still worked. Fury had to show her how to work it, so it should work, right?

“Carol, no —“

“Hey,” she put her hands on the table, “you paid for the first round, now it’s my turn, ok?”

You wanted to debate further, but instead found yourself conceding and letting her go to the bar after telling her you wanted a half.

She returned in a small bit, half a pint for you, full one for herself.

“Monica’s trapped in another dimension,” Carol revealed, “there’s no way to get her back; at least, not right now, anyway. Kamala gave me her number, helped me learn how to use a phone.”

You snorted, rubbing your then sore arm after Carol hit it, “I’m serious. How you survive with that stuff, I don’t fully understand.”

“It’s simple —“

“For a human.”

“Take that back.”

“No.”

“Just because you have powers.”

“Could still beat you in wrestling without them.”

“We going back that far?”

“Oh, you bet we are.”

“You cheated later in life.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Not.”

“Did.”

“You brought in Maria!”

“She was on your side!”

“Yeah, until I started winning.”

“Hey! That’s as her choice.”

“Whatever you say, C.”

You both took a moment to breathe, before you both chuckled. You knew some words were a bit harsher than intended, and the walk down memory lane wasn’t all fun, and yet you chuckled anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Carol said first, “for the ‘human’ comment. You aren’t weak.”

“I’m sorry for bringing up Maria. And for Monica.”

“She asked about you,” she admitted.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Wanted to know how her…pibling?” You nodded at the correct term, “yeah, Kamala explained that one. She’s eager to meet you. Thinks you’re awesome already. Think she’s now a bigger ‘stan’ of you, than me.”

“I have my moments.”

“You have a lot of moments,” she corrected instantly.

You nodded, your brain not being as cold to you as it normally was when you got compliments like that. Still, Carol saw a part of your smile dim a bit as your brain attacked.

“‘Pibling’,” someone across from you scoffed, “what a dumb term.”

“Excuse me?” Carol demanded, looking at them coldly. You just sighed. You were used to this, too. A job interview once ended with someone scoffing at your identity.

The person in question looked at Carol’s challenge, “you heard me, it’s dumb.”

“And this effects you, how?”

“Policing what people say.”

“Ok, you know what —“

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

That person was forced to leave. You and Carol left not long after him. The barman apologised, but checked that you both were ok before you left. Carol let you answer, as it was you the person had an issue with.

You both went back to your apartment. You collapsed on your mattress. It was a decently sized one, meaning Carol too could fall onto it, which she did.

“I’m sorry about that arsehole.”

“I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be, though.”

“Yeah. I know. Glad I didn’t get the job where that happened to me, to be honest.”

“Where was it?”

“Can’t remember now. Drowned in sea of other applications.”

Carol reached out, taking your hand in her own, “you’ll find something. I know you will. I’ll do what I can to help you.”

“It’s fine. I don’t —“

“You don’t need to do this alone. Help isn’t the worst thing in the world. Trust me, I thought being alone would help me fix things. It didn’t.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

You readjusted yourself, so that Carol and you were facing each other, “that’s the fate of the world. This —”

“Is something highly important in your world. It’s horrible, and I’m sorry it’s not gone the way you wanted it to. But, I’m here, ok? I’ll do what I can.”

You looked at your sister, both thankful for her company, but also worried about her fiery determination and how it could backfire on her, “you know the weight of the world don’t rest on your shoulder’s, right? You can take a break, too.”

Carol sighed, but found herself nodding, “I know,” she conceded, “I’m glad I’m here, with you. Would I be able to maybe have you come with me to the farm? We could work on it together? Maybe something local there can help? Something out of the city.”

You considered it. You were never fully a city person, minus the friends you had here. And you could always visit.

“I’d like that,” you said, squeezing Carol’s hand.

“I’d like that too,” your sister said, smiling brightly.

There was a lot of lost time to make up for. A lot of new people to meet. But, you had each other. That hadn’t changed.

You’d find your way through it. Carol knew you would. Just as she would. You always would.

And, you’d always be there to catch each other when you stumbled.

Always.

PART II

[yangtaros]

love in la

johnny x female reader fluff

synopsis: nct 127 is on tour in la and you unexpectedly meet johnny 3 times.

part 2

pic creds to the name in the picture

monday

you walked into lax breathing in the california air, “it’s good to be back right?” your mom asks you. “It really is, there’s only so many deep dishes one can eat in chicago. I think I ate one each day”.

Your mom giggled, “you did”

You laughed and walked towards baggage claim, “why is it so packed over there?”

You pointed out to your mom a bunch of people coming into your eye view.

“Well it is lax, maybe a celebrity”

“True”

You make your way to get your bags and somehow get lost to a crowd of people. There was shoving and yelling and you were very confused. Suddenly the crowd screams, you turn around and see a group of guys guarded by other guys walking towards your area.

Different names were being yelled but you caught the names Mark, Haechan, Taeil, Doyoung, and Johnny. You glanced at a sign of a girl in the crowd and read it. “We Love Nct 127”.

Oh! I did an article on them before

As a journalist you usually wrote on different topics but the main topic was music. You had written about how nct 127 managed to grow their fanbase out to the US two years ago.

You turned around to tell ur mom and could barely find her in the crowd, “let’s go this way instead”

You gently grabbed her arm so she couldn’t be lost in the crowd and you eventually found your way to a less crowded area behind a long curtain covering the other side.

You felt a tap on your shoulder. You turn around to see a security guard“Excuse me you can’t be here. An artist is coming and can’t risk any fans being-”

“Sorry but I’m just trying to get my bags I was on a flight”

“Oh you’re in the wrong spot, it’s over there”

“Oh well thank you, but I can barely see where I’m going there’s so many people here and for me to go back through that crowd-”

“Okay hold on” he inturruped “just stay here and give me your info and I’ll have someone bring your bags here.”

“Thank you sir” your mom said. You thanked him also. He gave you paper to write your info on. “We’ll try to get these quickly so you can leave before the artist gets here” He leaves to relay your information.

You turned to your mom, “I did an article on these boys, they’re a kpop group”

“Oh well that makes a lot of sense”

You hear footsteps approaching and look that way to see 9 men walk infront of you. They didn’t noticed you or your mom since they were talking to each other in korean.

The security guard from earlier came back and noticed they arrived, he gestured for the both of you to leave immediately, not wanting to cause a scene.

You stand up and grab your purse until you hear a man speak to you, “nice shoes”

You look at him, “oh thank you! sorry we’re in here we got lost with all these people and we’re waiting for our suitcase but we’re leaving now”

The man nodded his head, “i just figured you were our new manager” he chuckles.

You laughed at his sarcasm and then looked back at your mom “ready?”

“You don’t have to leave, you’re not bothering us seriously, you can wait til your bags come”

“We don’t want to get in your way”

“We’ll be fine” He smiled and then turned back to his friends to say something in korean.

You thanked him and sat back and just decided to take his word for it.

“Well he’s handsome” your mom said to you.

“Yeah they all are”

“Excuse me!” The security guard came to where you guys are, “Didn’t I tell you to leave?” He turned towards the boys, “I’m so sorry these people aren’t leaving I’ll call backup to escort-”

“No it’s okay, there will be no escorting” The boy who talked to you earlier says, “let them be, I told them they could stay.”

The security guard nodded and walked away, “Thanks” You said to him.

He shook his head, “are you home or visiting”

“I’m home, we’re home”

He looked at your mom and said hello, “well I’m Johnny, I’m sort of a big deal if you can’t tell”

You giggle at his joke and then debate to tell him about your article.

“I’m y/n, and this is my mom y/m/n” By this time all of the boys where looking in your direction. They waved.

“Where are you coming from?”

“Chicago”

Another member gasped and then laughed.

“I’m from there!”

“Really?”

“Yeah did you like it?”

“I did actually I was just joking with my mom that I might’ve had too many deep dish pizzas”

Johnny laughed at pointed at one of his friends, “Mark over here can relate”

“Now I want one” Mark added.

The security guard came back with luggage, “here’s your bags ladies”

You stood up along with your mom and collected the bags, “thank you”

You turned to the boys, “well nice meeting you”

“Nice meeting you too” Johnny gave you a smile and shook your hand.

The rest waved at you and your mom as they watched you guys leave the area.

Johnny soon felt a light jab in his side, “Johnny why wouldn’t you ask for her number, and don’t lie to me you were being a bit too friendly” Jaehyun said in Korean while elbowing Johnny.

“I was nervous”

“Jaehyuns right that could’ve been your God sent soulmate and you just ruined it” Mark added.

“If she’s my God sent soulmate I’ll see her again”

Yuta sighed.

“If we see her again it’s my turn” Taeyong said laughing.

tuesday

“Happy birthday!”

You hug your mom and hand her a card.

She goes to open it and two tickets fall out, she read it with anticipation, “The Jennifer Hudson Show!”

“Suprise!” You hugged your mom!

Jennifer Hudson is your moms favorite singer. When you found out she was coming out with her own talk show you were quick to get a ticket on your moms birthday.

*********************

You got to the studio and there were already a lot of people in line, mostly young girls. You immediately notice the merch they had on.

“No way”

“What?” Your mom asked

“One second” You tapped the shoulder of the girl infront of you, “excuse me is nct 127 here today?”

“Yes”, she said excitedly.

“Oh that’s nice” You laugh quietly to yourself and relay it to your mother.

“Well that’s a coincidence” She giggled.

*********************

“Please Welcome NCT 127!” Jennifer said and the crowd cheered.

You and your mom watched nct 127 perform. “Wow they’re good” You said.

After the performance Jennifer had nct introduce themselves and speak about their album. Johnny spoke the most and you found yourself liking the way he carries himself.

*********************

After the show your mom was smiling from ear to ear but she didn’t know what else you had planned for her. Your friend who worked at this studio helped you get the tickets and also arranged for your mom to meet and take a picture with Jennifer!

“Wait we’re not going home right yet”

“What do you mean?”

“Wait here for a second”

Soon your friend came out and said hi to you both, “Follow me”

Your mom and you both followed her leading you to the backstage area and you glanced at the all rooms. You instantly saw nct 127 taking a picture and made eye contact with Mark but you kept walking.

Mark recognized you and hit Johnnys arm.

“Dude you have got to stop hitting me”

“No, Johnny that’s y/n. From the airport.”

“Oh please Mark i’m not falling for that”

“Johnny it was her why would I lie about that”

Johnny rolled his eyes, “Finish taking the picture then you can show me her”

“Is mark hallucinating?” Doyoung asked while laughing.

“I’m not”

Meanwhile you were already watching your mom have an entire conversation with Jennifer about how she rooted for her since she was at the start of her career and listens to all her songs.

“Thank you! You have a very sweet daughter planning this for you”

Your mom looked back at you, “I know”

They talked a bit more and took a picture with each other. You thanked your friend and an idea popped into her head, “wanna act like we have our own talk show?” She questioned.

“You haven’t changed a bit have you” You giggle.

Both of you walk on the sound stage and sit on the couches. You tell all the empty chairs, “welcome to the y/n show”

At the same time Mark is dragging Johnny around trying to find you, but instead he sees your mom.

“See look Johnny is that not her mom”

Johnny almost immediately says no until he looks closely, “oh wait it is”

“Told you”

They then hear two girls laughing and talking on the sound stage, they give each other a look.

“You know what’s crazy”

“What” your friend asked you.

“Yesterday I met nct 127, and now they’re here”

“What! Where?”

“At the airport and Johnny was speaking to me and everything it’s a long story”

“Do you think they’ll remember you”

“I mean yes but I don’t think they’d actually care” You laughed.

“Next Mission: go to nct 127”

She grabbed your arm to get you off the couch, but let go when she heard footsteps approach the stage.

It was Mark and Johnny.

“Y/n?”

“Hi!” You fixed your hair a bit

“Do you work here or are you stalking me”

You laugh “neither” you pointed to your friend, “she works here though and she got me tickets it’s my moms birthday and she likes jennifer hudson so i surprised her i didn’t know you guys were going to be here isn’t that ironic” you said a bit too fast to the point where it seemed like you were lying.

“Yeah it is ironic. Happy birthday to your mom” He said.

“Happy birthday. Johnny didn’t believe me when I said I saw you”

“Oh I saw you too but you guys looked busy”

“Nah” Mark said.

Your phone started to ring, “it’s my mom”

“Honey don’t forget we have reservations”

“You’re right I’m coming” You turned to your friend, Mark, and Johnny.

“Got her a spot at this fancy restaurant for lunch, don’t want to lose it”

Your friend hugged you, “stop by again”

“Thank you so much” you hugged back.

You waved at Johnny and Mark before leaving the three of them on the sound stage.

*********************

“I actually can’t believe you managed to do that again.” Mark was slightly annoyed with Johnny for missing his chance a second time.

“She was in a rush I don’t know what you wanted me to say”

“You know what Johnny” Haechan said, “you have this persona of being the guy who gets what he likes but when you see a girl you actually like not once but twice you become nervous”

“Yeah!” Mark agreed, “that’s supposed to be my thing!”

The guys laughed in the group bus.

“If we see her again i promise I’ll say something”

“And how is that gonna happen.”

“If she’s my God sent soulmate it’ll happen.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it” Jungwoo says.

thursday

You were at work writing for your column when your boss walked up to your station.

“Clear your plans for today” He says.

“You know I have no plans”

He laughs, “Good, cause we have an assignment for you”

“I’m listening”

“Teen Vogue wants an article on the group Nct 127, ever heard of them?”

You close your eyes and nod slowly

God what are you trying to tell me?

“Yeah I know them, I’ve done an article for them before”

“Good! So you’re familiar. They want it to be centered around their concert today so you’ll be going. Before you leave come pick up the backstage pass and tickets, they want a short interview as well”

“No way”

“What? Are you a fan?”

“No it’s just…nothing” You laughed to yourself, “How many tickets?”

“Two”

“Got it”

*********************

You called your friend from the Jennifer Hudson show while driving home, “hi y/n”

“Clear your plans for the day”

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t believe it”

“Lemme guess”

“Okay”

“Something to do with Nct 127”

“Yup you guessed right, is this not crazy? Or is it just me.”

“Maybe it’s not. It’s fate”

“Lol, I’m interviewing them after their concert and I have an extra ticket. Wanna come?”

“Girl why not”

“That’s the spirit! I’ll text you the details”

“Okay see you!”

Once you got home you called your mom and told her.

“Okay at this point you guys should exchange numbers”

“I’d be fired if i asked that, He’d have to ask me”

“Maybe he’s your God-sent soulmate”

“Mhm sure”

*********************

“NCT! NCT! NCT! NCT!”

The crowd was yelling their name for an encore. Including the two of you.

“Do you think that’s it?” She asked.

“It can’t be”

Soon the came out and everyone cheered, they were in their tour merch.

They all spoke and sang one last song

*********************

“They must be so tired and now they have to do an interview”

“At least it’s you you’ll probably wake them up”

“Funny”

A lady came out and walked towards you “they’re ready”

“Okay thank you” you turned to your friend, “see you later”

You walked into the room and the first person you made eye contact with was Johnny.

He stood up, “Okay now you’re stalking us”

“I’m not I promise” you showed your pass, “I’m here with teen vogue”

“You’re a journalist?” Mark asked.

“ That i am”

“I’m joking but that’s just crazy” Johnny sat back down and noticed some of the members laughing.

Jaehyun got up to hug you, “Hi I didn’t get to introduce myself before I’m Jaehyun”

“Nice to meet you” You hugged back.

He smirked at Johnny when he turned back around to sit.

“Well I’m johnny but you already know that”

“Really? I don’t think we’ve met”

They all laughed.

“Your performance was amazing,” you turned to Taeil. “Your voice is incredible. Do you have any special teas or sprays that keep your voice intact”

You got straight into the questions, keeping them engaged while already planning your next question.

Once you finished the last question you got up from your seat. “That’s a wrap thank you guys”

Mark practically pushed Johnny out of his chair, “go”

“Um- y/n before you go, i have a question for you”

“Yeah?”

He walked over to you “Um. I like your bracelet”

“You do?” You lifted your wrist to show him the bracelet more clearly. It was one of those makeshift friendship bracelets but the word believe was written on it in beads.

“That’s not a question” you said to him.

“Yeah”, he played with the beads on your bracelet and you realized he was nervous.

“Since we’ve already seen each other so often this week, maybe we should like keep in contact or something” Johnny said extremely fast but you still heard what he said.

Taeyong squealed and haechan hit him on the arm “shh”

“Yeah I agree”

You smiled and he took his phone out of his pocket with one hand while still mindlessly playing with your bracket with his other hand. He unlocked it and handed it to you. You decided to use your free hand as well so he could continue with the bracelet thing. The quietness was loud.

“Here you go” you said handing his phone back. You pulled your hand from his hold and removed your bracelet. You gently grabbed his wrist and put it on on his.

“Keep it”

He had nothing to give you at the moment so he leaned in and kissed your cheek.

Now it was time for the rest of the members to squeal

Johnny cringed, “sorry about them”

You laughed, “keep an eye out for the article okay?”

He nodded and watched you leave the room.

“I TOLD YOU! GOD SENT SOULMATE” Mark said a bit too loud

*********************

After explaining every single thing that happened to your friend in the car on the way home with your mom on speaker, you received a text.

“Can you read it for me” you asked your friend.

“Aww! It’s says have a good night y/n - Johnny”

“Y/f/n, now google how to do long distance”

She laughed, “or you both can just runaway together”

“His fans would find us for sure”

“Wait let’s find his instagram”

“No i’m not ready”

“AHH”

“What? Don’t scream when i’m driving”

“Sorry but he posted the bracelet on his story”

“Really?”

“Yes please invite me to the wedding”

You laughed, “what an interesting week it has been”

hope you guys enjoyed this might be one of my favorite stories i’ve ever written! pls comment with ur thoughts

part 2

taglist: @amessofthings @wooahaeuji

[nastasyafilippovnas]

hi! do you mind sharing what ts did? i don’t follow her much but have been a casual fan and want to know if that’s something i don’t want to associate with anymore

Hi, so, it's a lot of things coming together that make me really question the kind of person that she is.

It all started back in November when I went to the first one of her shows in Rio, here in Brazil. The weather conditions were extreme, the heat was unbearable, hundreds of fans fainted and/or felt bad (my sister threw up, for instance), and one fan died. TS wrote a half-ass message on her stories on instagram on how she was "devastated", and that was it. The girl wasn't from Rio and her family had to start a crowd founding campaign to get her body home, and only managed to due it due to fan donations. Taylor didn't help the family with anything. Next week, on the last one of the São Paulo leg (because the story still hasn't died here in BR and people were appalled with her behavior), she took some pics with some long-lost relatives of the girl and this was all we got in terms of accountability or acknowledgement of what happened.

Meanwhile, in the US, she was using her PR relationship with Travis to keep herself on the spotlight and kill any mentions of the dead fan (there were a bunch of articles about their relationship exactly at the same time).

A lot of people tried to find reasons for her behavior and defend her, saying it wasn't her fault and it was all due to the company that booked her shows. No one thinks it was her fault what happened, but she couldn't throw a few bucks to help transport the girl's body home? It really felt like she doesn't give a damn about Latin American/Global South fans.

On top of that, there's a genocide going on and she hasn't said a word about it, even though she has a huge platform and we've been seeing artists with a lot less visibility manifesting and actually getting fired/dropped because of their position on Palestine.

But okay, she doesn't "have" to talk about it. She is a singer, not a politician. Fine, that's her prerogative. Does she have to act so aloof and out of tune with everything, though?

In the grammys, she not only managed to make everything about her by announcing a new album, but also dragged her ex down again, by making the title a reference to him. Her ex that, not only never said a bad word about her, but is out there supporting Palestine while being bullied by her fans. Again, she can talk about her relationships all she wants, but, to me, it feels very wrong to keep throwing shade at your ex while being supposedly in a happy relationship. Especially considering how rabid her fans are and how they keep attacking him.

Last straw, today she donated a hundred thousand dollars to the victim of the Kansas Chiefs City parade shooting. That's awesome, except...she never gave anything to the Brazilian fan that died on one of her shows.

Idk, it might not seem like much, but I feel like her only priorities are making money and being on the spotlight, and that she doesn't care about anything else, especially not international fans or using her voice for something good. To me, she is coming off as petty, vindictive, aloof and simply out of touch with anything besides her rich life.

[gloombeauty]

halsey music is really bad. i tried to listen to some songs on spotify and it's hard to do. the only song that's nice is the tradition, you asked for this, drive and gasoline. manic is a terrible album/ how did is sell well is a miracle. i found this from the archive link you posted. interesting how she talks to fans. her vip packgaes is now close to $1k. friends with trump. nice.

The picture of Halsey's brother and dad golfing with Donald Trump:

Further proving that her family was anything but poor. Feigning poverty was part of Halsey's schtick. That's why she had that picture somewhat erased from the internet. Try googling it and you won't find it. Where you can find it is at Pretty Ugly Little Liars web archive page.

The DM between Halsey and her fan was disgusting to read. You don't talk to anyone like that much less the people who helped make you rich. Granted, fans can be a pain in the ass, but she's better off ignoring them then talking to them like that. Truth be told, VIP packages are exploitative and disgusting. I have zero respect for artists who do this. How do they sleep at night taking more money from their fans? Gross.

As for the songs you were able to like, they were written and produced by Trent Reznor and Lido. Trent did two of them on her last album and Lido did the other two from an earlier album of hers.

I heard one of the songs Trent did for her at a friends wedding. I thought it was a new Gwen Stefani song. When I was told it was Halsey and it was produced by Trent, it made total sense. What didn't make sense is why Halsey needed imitate Gwen Stefani's voice. Then again, Halsey copies Gwen's 90's wardrobe, so no shock there.

Manic's success (or non - realistic success) was due to the only hit song Halsey's ever had in her solo career - Without Me.

Without Me was released as a solo single in 2018. It wasn't part of any album. In order for Manic to come across as a success, Halsey and Capitol cheated. They took a two year old song released in 2018, and put it in the new album (Manic) which was released in 2020. How shameless is that? That's why Manic "did well" because they took all the streaming numbers and digital sales of Without Me and added it along to Manic. It's cheating. Plain and simple, it's cheating. She also used digital bundles for sales too, which now, Billboard no longer counts as sales anymore. It was ethically wrong and Billboard stepped up and said no more.

But Manic's main "sales" and "streaming numbers" simply came from Without Me's success.

Music journalist's notice too and wrote a few articles about it. Regular people on twitter too:

Can you imagine Lana taking her song Video Games and adding it into Lust For Life for sales and streaming numbers? That would be cheating.

Imagine Jack White putting Fell In Love with a Girl into Fear of The Dawn for sales and streaming numbers - in order to make Fear of The Dawn look like it sold more/had higher streaming numbers. That would be cheating.

Thankfully, Lana and Jack have integrity when it comes to their body of work, and couldn't care less about sales or being #1.

Manic would have flopped hard like Hopeless Fountain Kingdom and If I Can't Have Love - Power etc.

The sad part is, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross did a brilliant job with If I Can't Have Love - Power etc. Even I ended up liking one of the songs at my friend's wedding. Mind you, I never liked Halsey. You couldn't pay me to listen to Halsey. Then here is one song that I liked because the production was so good and I thought it was Gwen Stefani. Damn you Trent.

Imagine had Trent and Atticus worked instead with Grimes or Amy Lee of Evanescence? Even with Sky Ferreira. Can you imagine how brilliant the results would have been? Imagine Trent Reznor + Grimes or + Amy Lee or + Sky Ferreira? Anyone but fucking Halsey. What a major waste of time of Trent's talent. What a damn waste. And all for what? If I Can't Have Love - Power etc. bombed/flopped so hard. It was all a waste of Trent's time and effort.

To make matters worst, Halsey allegedly doesn't even write her own songs. She's always had 6-12 songwriters per song in her albums. She allegedly lies to reporters with her "I write my own songs" hogwash, but she has a bunch of men in the studio writing her songs for her. She gets songwriting credits right along with 6-12 other people. Prolific songwriter my ass. All the songs credits can be easily googled if you're interested.

At least Trent helped her get nominated for a Grammy, which she lost. She would have never been nominated without Trent Reznor.

I'm sure the next album she's working on for Columbia Records will bomb too. What trick does she have on her sleeves this time? Is she going to throw Without Me in the new album too? How many songwriters will she need to hire to help her this time around?

[lyon-amore]

With you until the end of the world Chapter 4

Chapter 3

*Angel POV*

I've become Jake's connection to the outside. It doesn't bother me since that way I can find out if there is news that my parents might be looking for me. It's been a month and there's still no one talking about a girl who ran off with a mystery guy. I walk the streets to go to the studio. From time to time I stop by so they can see that I use it, I stay for a few minutes and I leave. I haven't told Jake that I sent a letter to my parents, saying that I'm fine. Of course, I don’t put the address where we stayed. I have thought that every end of the month I will write to them and put different addresses. I don't want them to worry about me and look for me. I also don't go into details about who I'm with. Maybe the only one who knows is my mother? She always knew what was wrong with me and I told her but I didn't say many things. I didn't want to talk about Jake, just say that there was a boy I liked.

Okay, this might be the second thing I've kept from Jake. I also enter my mail, but disconnected. I have read the messages that my friends have sent me, wondering why I don’t answer my phone. Because I haven't told them anything. Lian asked me the day I left why I hadn't gone to work, later she found out from my parents that I had left, she wrote to me asking why I didn't tell her anything, since she was my best friend. The more I go up, the more messages I see that from when they found out. Most of the messages are from Jessy, Dan and Lilly. Jessy who has been writing more as if she were telling me how her day to day is going and that in the end she has decided to move, she’s looking for a apartment in Colville. It seems that texting me serves as therapy for her. Lilly texts me disappointed that I didn't tell her I was running away with Jake. Rather, she's mad at both of us for not telling her what we were planning to do. Dan writes to me worried that something might happen to me as I run away, if I might get in trouble with the law for being with Jake or if they might want to kill me because of him. I'd love to write back and tell them I'm fine, but they've already risked too much because of us. I decide to archive the emails so I can read them later.

I stand looking at the televisions in a store. They still talk about what happened in Duskwood and how the FBI showed up looking for a criminal. I see that they also name me quickly and I cover myself better. I want them to forget about this topic once and for all.    "Isn't Hannah Donfort the sister of that girl who made that video accusing two people of kidnapping her?" I hear a girl ask another.    "Yeah, what happened to her?" the other asks.     I walk away from there, continuing my way to the study. There are still “I am Jake” graffiti on some streets or some Nymos eyes. Where I lived, they gave my father and the other policemen headaches. Teenagers were the ones who painted the most. Then, after my article, it got a little worse. More overtime for my father.

I enter the building and go up to the studio, inserting the key to gain access. I lower my hood as I look inside. It's sparsely furnished and the blinds are down, it's only lit by the light from the computer. I check that everything is working fine and take out my phone to text Jake. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Angel

The computer is in perfect condition

Function correctly, as always

-----Jake has connected-----

Jake

Perfect.

Any problem upon arrival?

Angel

All good

No one following me, sir!

Jake

Do not call me sir.

I feel older.

Angel

Well, you're older than me 😝

Jake

Fine.

Well, being older than I am, you know that you must obey me, right?

Maybe tonight I can find a place for you to obey.

Angel 😳

Jake ;)

Be careful when you come back.

Make sure no one follows you.

Angel

OK

Something special to eat?

Jake

Hmm… Choose you today.

Angel

Well…

You? 😏

Jake

Ha ha.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I will be with the computer for a bit.

Angel

I know

I fancy something Italian

How about?

Jake

Of course:)

Angel

So, see you 😊

Jake

I will be waiting, angel.

-----Jake has disconnected----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I put my phone away and pull up my hood. I'm not disappointed not to have intimate moments with Jake, honestly. Maybe at first we were a little…needy of each other, but now we just joke about these things on the phone. Also, it's not just about us having sex, for me, the fact that he caresses my hair when he is working on the computer or that we talk about the things we like being in the same room, without interruptions, is what I like the most. When I go to sleep, he stays next to me with his laptop, stroking my cheek gently, whispering how much he loves me as I drift off to sleep. I feel so complete with him.

I want that the day he is free; I can present him to my parents, that they see that he is someone special to me. Maybe at first my father wouldn't like it, but when he saw that they have the same taste in movies or a strong sense of justice, perhaps he likes him better, or also, the one who sees that he respects his daughter like no one has ever done before. I want that future for both of us.

Even though Jake hasn't told me anything about his past yet, it's like he's still afraid to tell me anything about his life for fear someone might take it from me by force. I hope that some day he will tell me something about his life, some detail. No one would ever get information out of Jake from me. I choose death rather than betray him.

*Jake POV*

I keep an eye on the data from the rental agency to know when people will come to look at the apartment. We have been here for a month with no problems and that relieves me, but I am sure we will have to leave eventually. You can never stay in one place for too long, so I have made a plan in case we have to leave.

I avoid thinking that I use her to monitor the computer. I think I like it better think that I do not keep her in here bored while I work on the computer. And according to her, she wants to know if there is talk of her disappearance, if her parents have caused a scandal to look for her. I do not know whether to care about jer words, I do not want to look like a kidnapper again. She told me not to worry about it, that she had made it very clear in writing that it was her decision.

While I am creating another surveillance program to detect any suspicious activity around me, I receive a notification that I have been named in his social network, again, posting a picture of me. I hacked his account to delete the post. I know he is been looking for me for a long time, but he does not know that he could risk being hunted down.    “Sorry buddy, but I can not let you put yourself in danger.” I mutter, heading back to the computer.     I make a small noise, complaining. I get a message. It is assumed that he would not have to send me one again if it was not that I did it. And I was not thinking about doing it again either, he already risked enough when I asked him to put the Nymos sticker on. But there have been so many messages that I have had enough. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comet

Hey

Uh…

I know that I have sent you many messages

That I risk getting in touch with you again, but…

I don't know anything about you Jake 😔 and that worries me ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just hope he is talking meanwhile diverting his IP to another. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nymos

Comet, do not text me again.

Comet

Jake!

Do you know how many messages I have sent you?!

When I found out that the FBI was in Duskwood, I was worried!

Nymos

You risk writing to me.

Stop doing it or we will both be in trouble.

Comet I don’t care

Nymos

You can get your father in trouble.

Comet

He don't know nothing, he's busy keeping tabs on the people you messed with 😑

And enough of both of you treating me like a child when I'm an adult!

Just tell me if you're in trouble and I'll deflect any signals

Nymos I already have it under control. Do not worry.

And I do not treat you like a child, I just do not want to get my little brother in trouble. :)

Comet

Always with that habit of not worrying others when we already are 😠

And what about her? Don't worry about how I am for you?

Nymos

Angel is fine, do not worry about her.

Comet

Angel?

Who is Angel?

Wait… 😱 OH!

YOU ARE

SHE

WHAT?!

SHE RUN AWAY WITH YOU?!

Nymos

It was her decision.

Comet

I see that friends don’t enter the sack of the privileged 😒

Nymos

I could not make her see reason.

But I take good care of her.

I will not let anything bad happen to her.

Comet

Hmm…

If you trust her…

Nymos

I trust her.

Comet

Alright, alright

Just be careful…

Nymos

Henry, she is trustworthy.

Comet

But do you know that her father is a cop?

I wouldn’t trust her 😐

Nymos

She has always shown me that I can trust her.

She would have given me away long ago.

Comet

But this time you’re with her, it’s different 😰

Don’t let it give you away

-----Comet has disconnected----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I sigh. I have known Henry since he was a child, I myself helped him find a home and a father, we taught him everything we knew about security and hacking. He admired me and continues to admire me, to the point that when I contacted him again for help, he would not stop talking and asking me where I had been. Very persistent, if I dare say. I told him about her and he was even glad that I cared for someone as much as I ever had before. Now his attitude towards her has changed, as if she is dangerous. I have to assume it was the FBI news that made him change his mind. It is not yet known who warned them.

But I know my angel was not.

I hear the door and let out a small laugh. She still has trouble using the lock picks. I get up from the ground and go to open the door, then lean against the frame with a smile. She looks at me with a frown, picks in hand.    "I almost had it." she replies, putting them in his pants pocket.    “You have to avoid leaving marks on the lock” I lean forward, approaching her face “, if you see that you cannot, leave it.”    “ 'If you see that you can't, leave it' “ she imitates me entering the house.     I stop her by placing a hand on her waist, turning her around. I place my hand on her chin and approach her lips.    "Are not you forgetting something?" I ask, whispering.     I go to kiss her and she places a bag in front of me.    "The food." She replies with a mischievous smile.     I roll my eyes and pick up the bag. It is she who kisses me, to later let out a laugh.    "I told you, I was hungry for you." She chuckles, wrapping her arms around my neck.    "You are going to drive me crazy, angel." I caress her lips, seeing a shy smile.    Her cheeks turn red and I feel her skin warm. I kiss her forehead and hear her sigh. She hugs me resting her head on my body.    “I'm home.” she says, and I hear happiness in her voice.    "Yes, you are." I reply, kissing her head.

   We sit on the ground. I take care of the program and she eats, watching what I do.    "Here." She tells me, approaching the pasta. I open my mouth and let him feed me. If it weren't for her, I would forget the most important needs in a human being.     She then gets upset that she does not deserve to be called an angel.    "Any news of your escape?" I ask after finishing swallowing the food.   “No, it seems that my parents have understood the letter I left them correctly” she answers after she has finished swallowing “, besides, I told them that it wouldn't be forever.”     I nod understanding her words. She can come back without problems whenever she wants, I do not keep her by my side.    “What are you doing now?” she asks, dragging herself over to me, setting the food container aside.    "I am trying to create a better surveillance program around us" I answer without taking my eyes off the screen “, I want to collect the information of the people around us and know if any of them could be an undercover agent if I look at their messages.”    "Won't it be dangerous?" She does not sound worried, more curious.     I look at her raising an eyebrow.    "Do not you know who you are talking to?"     She looks me up and down, cocking her head. She raises her hand to her face and dabs with her finger.    “Well, no, I don't know” I take her by the wrist and attract her to me, beginning to tickle her “No! Stop!” She exclaimed between laughs.    “I am going to make you remember who you are talking to, angel.” I tell her, laying her down.    "Wasn't it that you had to work?" She smiled as she caressed my face.    "I can take a break."     She bites her lip and pulls her to me. Before I can kiss her, I hear the notification that he is put up another post again. I quickly part ways, deleting all information and photo from that post. Just about, if I am a second later… I raise my hands to my head, taking a deep breath. When will he give up?    "What's wrong, Jake?" She asks me worried.    "It is nothing" I reply, taking her hand and kissing it “. Do not worry, why do not you listen to some music while I work?”     I move a little and let her settle in with me. I start stroking her hair slowly, trying to make her forget what happened. But she did not make it.    “Are you sure you're okay?”     I lower my head to look at her and smile.    “Yes angel, I'm fine.” I kiss her forehead and she nods.     The less information she know about my past, the better. It would be risking too much.

Chapter 5 

[captainsteveamericarogers]

Why are you so quiet? Everyone has gone insane and making up new facts every five minutes, you're usually the first one to lose your patience and lay it down. You're obviously on Chris' side yet you're letting people talk shit about him. You need to say something!!

I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted. You talk as if I'm some matriarch of the fandom when in fact I'm just a mediocre fanfic writer who is exhausted with this whole debacle and it's barely been two weeks. Nobody listens to me!

Today I saw a magnificent example of both Chinese whispers and alternative facts in this fandom. The person who alleged that CE was at her work for medical imaging, who I suspect was also the author of the now-deleted Reddit post, only tweeted that she had found out he was at her work. I appreciate that many people deleted the screenshots of the tweet as it was a gross invasion of his privacy and a HIPAA violation that, if true, would have very serious consequences for both the tweeter and her employer, and that a lot of people didn't see it. But suddenly people were talking about an actual x-ray or MRI image that had been posted and deleted. There was never an image. That didn't stop a few people from saying they knew someone who had seen it, which adds credence to the rumour despite being a lie due to there never being an image.

A lie can run around the world before the truth has got its boots on - The Truth by Terry Pratchett

We are seeing this in action every single day since the People article. I've seen people make the most outlandish claims. Suddenly, everyone has a friend who knows his flight details or what he ate for dinner. It's utterly demented. It's beyond crazy.

Let's go through all of the utter horse shit I can recall from the past fortnight. Shall we have more bullet points?

It's all PR

They have a contract for two years (how could anyone possibly know this?)

Chris obviously cannot stand Alba anywhere near him

The girl in the park who was forced to delete her Twitter was in on it and planted there to record

Chris has been personally seeking out Tumblrinas to block on Twitter

Narrative PR wrote the deranged fan letters to make the fandom "look crazy" (lol) and garner sympathy for Chris

Literally anyone who sticks up for Chris or Alba is, in fact, Chris or Alba or their moms

Alba wore a halter to WDW to show off her tattoo and be recognised (Really? Who on earth is going to recognise her?)

She only flew into FL to record the video and then left immediately (y'all really don't like them spending time together, huh?)

They are reading every single post every single gossip blog writes and using the comments to make their fake PR relationship more convincing

There's more but this is so exhausting. If you take one thing from this post, let it be this. Take EVERYTHING with a pinch of salt, no matter who posts it and how sure they seem. Sometimes people are right and sometimes they are wrong. This fandom has a nasty habit of voicing their opinions as facts, then others take that and run with it, like today with the medical imaging business.

The fact is, nobody cares whether or not you believe it. But you are devoting hours of your life, every single day, dissecting everything and going around and around in circles and it is not healthy. It is not healthy at all. Take some time off or at least talk about something else.

Someone asked what I personally think is happening with Chris and Alba, so I'll leave you with my thoughts. It's serious. They are in love. I think they'll probably get married sooner rather than later. The laser focused comment was an FYI, telling the fandom that he's going to be taking his foot off the gas and concentrating on his private life for the foreseeable future. Take it with a pinch of salt. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[lgbt-cishet-movie-tournament]

lol the main lead actors for each movie are father and son irl. well you know the drill

The loser is either too queer to be a cishet movie or too cishet to be queer…

How is it cishet media?

LB: evil gay vampires getting in the way of a cishet lovestory

The Exorcist: A movie (sort-of) beloved by the Catholic Church that promotes traditional family values. Has a lot of homophobic language, and it was released around Christmas. Only one gay character and they only tell you through a flamboyant gesture. Screen writer and book author was homophobic enough to make petitions to “un-catholic” the catholic school featured in this film (they were reaching out to gay students and having pride so he wrote an angry letter to the bishop) and it shows. The Vatican once invited the director to come over specifically because of the exorcist :(((

How is it lgbt?

LB: those vampires were gay and trans why else did they wear leather when it was so hot out. they got a single ear piercing which was the way back then to signal other gay people you were gay (they did it on the other ear not the gay ear but I know what was happening)

Exorcist: Regan is sooo off-putting and a bad daughter. This is just what being queer and having several diseases is like minus the exorcism. Her voice gets deep while she acts rebellious and her mom rejects her. Damien Karras (the younger priest) also reads as so repressedly gay and in the closet in the original book, but the movie squeezes in a bit of that with a scene where Fr. Dyer lays Karras to bed, and they hold hands until Karras eventually recoils with so much pathetic pain. I KNOW what you are. (https://afieldinengland.tumblr.com/post/657429236105248768/they-were-in-love-here) Karras and Dyer are even closer in the book, and Dyer is his stereotypically effeminate “ride or die” gay best friend. He told him to leave the priesthood with him since the gays are doing it, meanwhile all the other local priests were panicking about gay priests. The movie is extremely quotable too and I find that camp. Also found “Mother what’s wrong with me?” and “That thing upstairs is not my daughter” to be sooo personal. I know it’s homophobic but it helped me come out more somehow because I don’t want to DIE like that. Saw some fun Regan MacNeil dragqueens, trans posts and non-binary comics (with regan and karras) awhile ago as well. In the 90s, a reviewer said that the movie was actually a priest’s homoerotic wet dream (and that’s why they wanted to kill pazuzu the “female element”) and it so threw off the director to the point that his biography, an analytical book on the exorcist by kermode, AND some articles will bring it up as a bizarre theory or serious analysis. Well I say the reviewer had a point, but with the wrong priest. Dyer is the only confirmed gay character who gets censored a lot, but I know what those two had. Big closeted catholic energy. That’s why Regan was so homophobic. She read Karras’ mind.

[tetsunabouquet]

Patterns I Notice In (Male) Reviewers of Childrens Media

You know, I've started to notice something.

I've been watching a lot of movie reviews lately, not limited to children's movies but still a lot of children's movies as obviously children's literature is my main focus as a writer.

Remember how in my post where I talked about how Ruby Gillman showed some of the wrongs in children's media today and I had a back and forth in the comment section with someone who pretty much slammed Ruby as bad but as we talked more and more they ended up being like, "It's just not my cup of tea," as I pointed out his/her core issues with the movie was just personal opinions?

These past months, I became a bit more familiar with reviewers who will just claim a movie is bad if it doesn't comes with profound philosophy and/or not their cup of tea and I actually noticed a pattern.

In regards to the people who use their real voices in YouTube videos or the authors listed in review articles, its mostly men who will downright claim a piece of fiction is terrible based on their opinion instead of wether the story is approaching subject matters in a harmful manner, etc. I barely see any women acting like 'I hated this movie, so should everyone else'.

An obvious example that comes to mind, is Monsters vs Aliens.

To me, it's not a masterpiece either and there were definitely a writing decision or two that was made poorly. However, I don't think it has earnt the label of bad or terrible whilst I've heard/seen multiple men call this movie as such.

On an entertainment level of value, does it entertain kids? Yes. As a kid I thought it was okay at its worst, good at its best moments.

Does it have a harmful message or premise? No.

Are the minor storybeats problematic or unrealistic? No. In fact, Derek breaking of their engagement not only mirrors insecure men threatened by more powerful women but it also mirrors some of the douchebags people who developped a terminal illness or disability have dated. Because of the many ship edits, I know not a lot of people actually know the story behind Arcade, the Eurovision hit by Duncan Laurence.

In ship edits, this song often gets used for tragic ships or doomed star crossed lovers, but it's actually about having wasted everything for a relationships that is not worth it and that is the key part of the song people always miss. You see, the story behind the song is this;

Duncan Laurance had a friend who was diagnosed with cancer and she had no chance for recovery. Her boyfriend, rather then being there for her in her final moments, broke up with her and she spent her final days, lovesick on her deathbed waiting for him to come back but he never did. Duncan wrote the song in her memory but also to be a cautionary tale for himself, to never become the idiot wasting their final moments on a asshole who left you to die with a broken heart!

Susan and Derek reminds me of that story, because men like Derek would have also left Susan if he found out she was terminally ill or got into an accident that left her disabled.

So the movie's storytelling isn't downright terrible by any means and the animation is also decent. But again, I've heard multiple men take a dump on this movie for being trash.

I'll admit my brain is too foggy to remember how well the other monsters were written but considering the main story rested on Susan's shoulders and that was told acceptable enough and they gave her the self-acceptance she needed, how well they are fleshed out isn't too much of a deciding factor wether its good, okay or bad when it comes to stories aimed at younger children.

How well characters outside of the protagonist are developped and how important that is to the overall story really depends on the age demographic as well as the kind of story at hand. The more characters a child is meant to empathize for and follow their direction during the story, the more difficult it is to grasp for the really young ones. Small kids prefer having one fleshed out protagonist with a weaker cast over every character having a deeply developped backstory. Flat side characters are a thing in children's media for a reason.

Shows have a somewhat unique position for their ability to flesh out the characters because they have way more time to tell the story so they can easily create a filler episode where a background character shines even if its meant for a way younger audience and it also has the option to have the characters grow and become semi-fleshed out alongside the viewer if the show gets popular enough for a long-run.

In the case of a slightly older kid demographic, this can lead to fully fleshed out masterpieces like ATLA, though not every kid show should be on their level for us not to bash the property. Brain dumb entertainment can still be a masterpiece in a kid's eyes and could lead to them becoming a long-time fan for nostalgic reasons.

What we should bash, are harmful kids shows like Cocomelon who's animation was literally proven to be too fast for a young kid's brain to follow hence the infamous Cocomelon zombie-kid and the Cocomelon tantrums became a thing, because their brain speed has adjusted to a speed faster then real life speed. Anyone who listened often to Nightcore and then went on to listen to the original version, likely encountered this effect with the original song suddenly sounding slower then you remember it- thats your brain speed having adjusted to the Nightcore version.

I couldn't believe my eyes when the far right recently turnt on Cocomelon because of there being some LGBT episode, when Cocomelon was already proven to mess up a kid's brain speed and in kids with brains that are still that lacking of development we don't know how much fucking with their brain speed will lead to in their development. I saw parents turning away from that show during the Pandemic for this very reason so I was flabbergasted so many parents on the far right still let their kids watch Cocomelon in the first place!

It's cheaply made harmful material and I was quite literally fuming with all the stupid parents saying 'God, I really have to keep in mind what type of content my kids consumne', like yeah no shit Sherlock! The fact your kids were still watching all of it after the many controversies, proved you never cared about the quality of media your kids consumne in the first place, don't pull that stupid Pikachu face! The fact LGBT content is the straw and not the actual harm this show does to children's brain development makes me want to punch someone in the face.

Can male reviewers please start targeting the actual bad children's movies and shows and not shit on movies who simply didn't managed to strike the gold of a masterpiece in storytelling and possibly animation? If someone were to force me between watching Dreamworks' Trolls franchise the entire day over and over again and just one hour of Cocomelon, I'd still pick Trolls in a heartbeat.

Because watching an okay is always more better then watching a movie/show that actually deserves the label terrible.

[horizon-verizon]

Why GRRM's Dance of The dragons made less sense. I found an article that shows how GRRM's plot was faulty. "What attributes did society expect of a monarch? Why were expectations and practices incompatible with female rule?

In medieval times a woman could not bear arms; therefore a woman could not take on a role which, even symbolically, required her to carry arms.

In medieval times a woman who took on an overt military role was an aberration; much of the contemporary opprobrium against Joan of Arc was engendered by her wearing armour and riding with armies.

Given the centrality of the military role to medieval kingship, no female could be considered a potential ruler unless there were no close male heirs.

Matthew suggests that Matthilda's failure in 1141 was in no small measure due to her insisting ‘on her right to exercise power in person’ and inability because of her sex to act as a military commander;"

THE PLACE OF WOMEN IN EUROPEAN ROYAL SUCCESSION IN THE MIDDLE AGES ANN LYON

And, this reason doesn't exist in Westeros. We saw ladies taking arms, fighting in wars. Moreover, Valyrian women did carry swords (Visenya), they could take part in battles even without it. In the medieval mindset this reason shouldn't be applied to Rhaenyra.

GRRM had to create a reason for her not take part in any battles, make her femininity a flaw. And he had to create a reason for her not be able to use Syrax.

(This ask most definitely follows this one)

You're really determined to raise HotD up to the level of sensical and "better" than the original source material that birthed it, huh?

You also couldn't give the link to the said article, that "shows how GRRM's plot was faulty"?

A)

Like I said in that post you respend to:

[...] it's pretty narrow-minded and sexist for Donald Matthew to adopt the federalist patriarchal interpretation of general women-rule and say "her failure in 1141 was in no small measure due to her insisting ‘on her right to exercise power in person’ and inability because of her sex to act as a military commander, along with her unfortunate character traits of arrogance and disregard of advice.", when like Rhaenyra, she is really just pressing for a claim that some precedents and her own father's word assured her. Plus, once again, several precedents and succession traditions existed in the EU and England simultaneously that preceded and existed with the burgeoning male primogeniture.

How these feudalist peoples and the writer for Stephen of Blois think is the problem, anon, not something that shows how wrong Rhaenyra was or Matilda. Reread my post carefully, I even include other examples of how it is the societies and the patriarchal writer at fault here, not these women for trying to claim the power they saw and/or were assured already.

To believe that the central issue is that a woman is trying to get power is sexist AND untrue (as all things that are sexist are). That flew over your head.

B)

I don't think GRRM pulled Rhaenyra out of the fighting because he thought her womanhood was a flaw if as you just mentioned, Visenya fought in the Wars of Conquest. It has to be something more (links below).

Despite the existence of Jonquil Darke and Lyanna Stark (both having participated in tournaments, the lists, I can't remember right now), in answer to the Visenya/Valyria bit and how it changes towards Rhaenyra, you could also stand to take a look at what I wrote HERE about Targ assimilation and brideoffires' posts and reblogs HERE about the effect Rhaenyra and the Dance had in Westeros.

But regarding female warriors apart from Visenya, Andal peoples and their Westerosi descendants have female fighters in the minority and they often, like Lyanna & Jonquil, have to disguise themselves and hide their female shapes to participate in public militaristic events. Sabitha Frey is not societally given the right to bear arms, she claims and takes it with no one's permission, similar to Lyanna and Jonquil, but even Jonquil Darke had to be accepted by the king and assigned a female ward to guard. Women like Brienne and even Catelyn Stark (who isn't a warrior at all but->) are their father's oldest or only means of maintaining their household and perpetuating their lineage, so they are granted more leeway in the everyday performance of power over the castle or are pushed/allowed to pursue the masculinized practices of warfare. Brienne occupies the role that her would-be brother would have if he ever existed because her father/house saw it as necessary.

Again, I think the point here flew over your head.

C)

Finally, Aegon II went to battle at Rook's Rest himself, anon, but his advisors, it's implied, didn't want him to take that risk. They also didn't want Aemond, his later Prince Regent, to go out of KL by himself with an army and leave KL exposed, but both men decided to go out and battle when it wasn't expedient anyway. Aegon went because he was vengeful over his son's death AND impatient with Otto and was himself already a very temperamental and entitled person. Aemond wanted to "prove" himself. Despite being men and having penises--what those medieval persons wanted in a military leader--they both proved not very capable of leading men into battle.

Another thing is that while kings did command armies and slept at least in the same area as their soldiers in medieval periods, they also didn't generally do as much fighting at all. Medieval kings are not Alexander the Great, whose ancient contemporaries themselves did not participate in straight battles. And there was very good reason for Rhaenyra to not fight on Syrax both specifically at Rook's Rest and in general--what happens to Aegon II.

I already write about it HERE, and you can check the reblogs about medieval kings going to battle vs ancient kings there in its reblogs.

[raenparade]

05/12 - ADHD, Visualisation and Creativity

As I’ve started to think about ways to present my ADHD through my work, I’ve been struck with something extremely ironic:

Even though I am an artist, who has ADHD; I’m really finding it a struggle to draw or visualise my ADHD despite feeling perfectly capable talking about it in a pretty descriptive manner.

Feels pretty cruel, if I’m being honest. Especially when I want others to know what it’s like living in my head and my constant rambling about ‘brain fog’ or ‘time blindness’ might not always do it justice. I myself value visual clues above all else, but that translation from my imagination to a canvas is proving itself difficult.

Before I was diagnosed, I found artist Pina Varnel, also known as ADHD Alien. The pandemic halted life, everything, for basically everyone. I think for a lot of people, they didn’t realise how much momentum they’d built up until they were forced to stop. Those who knew they had ADHD maybe had more of an idea as to what they’d lost, but I didn’t! Sure, I’d struggled with motivation and the like before, but this was totally different. It wasn’t really until I saw Pina’s comics that I started to consider whether ADHD was something I might have.

Seeing the way she laid out her experiences, especially in the form of comics, was extremely beneficial. I’m a lover of expansive metaphors, so the idea of being ‘alien’ because of a disability felt like a puzzle piece to the core of my being. Not only that, but I found myself relating to basically every comic I could get my hands on.

This comic in particular, made in collaboration with René Brooks, also known as Black Girl Lost Keys, was one that really spoke to me at the time. Especially this panel:

“It’s not laziness if you’re constantly exhausted.”

I still remember the feeling, like a punch to the gut, when I read that for the first time. I spent years beating myself up for struggling to do anything, even though I knew how hard it was in the first place. Not having the words to describe my emotions, or not knowing anything was ‘wrong’ with me (side note: I’m only speaking about myself here! My brain doesn’t work like other people’s, so it’s nice to know it’s not my fault) did a good deal of damage to my self worth, which I’m still feeling the effects of now.

I’m still working on a lot of things. Improvement is overall an uphill slope, at least when you zoom out, week to week it can vary. I’ve had quite a lot of time to adjust to being medicated, but not so much time in an educational setting. During my year out I spent most of my time working a full-time job, so that was a pretty large anchor. My work was similar, and it was one place I had to be, the same place every time. Now I’m back at uni, my anchors are smaller, but still nice to have the structure. It’s still an adjustment, having to divide up my mental capacity between things. Like spinning plates (There’s a visual metaphor, I suppose!) - some are always going to be slower than others. But I’m doing it!

As some shameless self-promotion, I actually wrote an article about it! So perhaps I’m not doing too good a job at saying I don’t think I can visualise my ADHD very well. I’m very aware at this point that unless there’s some external scaffolding to help me I will struggle with a 9-5 routine. I try to think of my time as a basket, now, and tasks/chores items to place within it. Some days the same item will take up a different amount of space, and I can only fit so much in the basket. It doesn’t matter the order, because they’ll all get done eventually!

This one has been a bit weird, not even sure what my point is now! I think I can portray my own disability - to an extent. I’ll certainly try!