#I almost had a breakdown when i realised I only have one more to go

[kentwos]

Sometimes Simon thinks he sees someone else in the mirror.

A realisation full of resentment. Confusion. He'll dip his head down to splash water over it, tired and hungry after a long day, and when he comes back up it's no longer the same person staring back.

It's a face with darker eyes. Hair slightly more browned. A face that only has one faint scar underneath his right eye instead of a plethora. It's a face that haunted his dreams as a kid, one that he prayed that he'd never have to see again after catching an eyelash on his finger.

And it's been years. Just over a decade now since, so why does he keep coming back?

"Simon?"

The flutter of your voice is a reliever and when Simon turns to face you from where he stands by the sink, in front of the mirror, he has to fight the urge to shrink.

But your smile is there: all too knowing. It's like you had a sense of his turmoil from all the way down the hall, clinging to him like damp does a dog. You move from the doorframe closer towards him, right until your hand brushes over his side and he has to turn away.

"Baby," you sigh, dragging your nose over his arm, tucking yourself into his side, invading his space. "Talk to me."

It shouldn't feel like he's dragging bare feet over gravel, like there are weights tied around his ankles. You've told him so many times that nothing about him could cause burden. He's pushed himself, he's told you more than anyone else, but this– These thoughts sting.

They burn like fire in a forest while he's only got a bucket of water to try and put it out. He's afraid, so afraid that the fire will only spread, that you'll see it too. The horror and the knowing.

I'm just like him.

Simon's pushed at you too. Tried tirelessly to get you to drop him, to leave with nothing but a slam of the door. There's always that nagging thought that he could do something to get you to go, so he can suffer alone for longer. But if he tries it never works, and he's come to love too much to try anything worse.

Instead you wait and wait and wait. Patiently, reverently. With your eyes wide during the day and low during the night. It doesn't matter when he finally gets it out either, because all the encouragement and understanding is already prepared, flowing out of you like a river.

You do the same now. Your cheek firmly pressed over the hot skin of his chest, distance made by your body between him and the sink and the mirror which belittles him.

He knows he can't make you wait any longer for him.

"Do I look like him?"

It comes out choked, hushed almost as if he's unsure if he's even asking a question or making a statement.

You peel away from him slowly, leaning on the sink behind you but keeping your touch on him, a hand on his shoulder and another at his waist. Time moves too slowly like this, when you're looking over him with all the tenderness you could offer, when your starving eyes trail over his body.

You've seen the photos. Old and faded, one of the only things Simon could bring himself to keep out of the inheritance. You hummed and ah-ed at them when you first flicked through, even dragged a finger of his father's face and said they looked similar.

It's the eyes, you smiled shyly.

"You're his son," you murmur, contemplative while your fingers stroke over the skin of his neck. "You can't gauge your eyes out to make yourself feel less his."

Simon's chin lowers, his gaze falling with it.

"But I think what you're really asking," you continue, closing the small fraction of space, your palm moving until it cradles his cheek. "Is if you're like him."

His nod is slow and his chest grows tighter. He can't bear to look at you, can't bear to think that what looks back at you is someone who ruined a whole family.

"Simon," you say, tilting his face upward so your eyes meet. "You already know the answer to that."

The breakdown is swift, the silent tears and small sniffles but you lean in to swallow his cries up. Your mouth softer than he deserves over his, kissing him over and over, as though you're pulling the doubt out just like that.

Because what you say is true.

Because he's never been his father.

Because if was even slightly like him, he wouldn't be here with you.

[h0useslut]

the silver lining’s i’ll be there with you ˙⋆✮

part one | series masterlist | masterlist

pairing : aaron hotchner x fem!bookstore owner!reader

w/c : 2,2k

warnings : age gap, anxiety attack, emotional distress, physical touch for comfort, soft!aaron, mutual pining, light drinking (wine), kissing

summary : a thunderstorm, a breakdown, and aaron hotchner’s arms around her. later, at readers bookshop anniversary, he’ll show up late - holding a first edition of her favourite book and a kiss she didn’t dare hope for

The lights had gone out.

You were in your bookstore with Aaron. Alone. And the lights had gone out amidst a thunderstorm.

It felt foolish now, being afraid of thunderstorms. But you couldn’t help it.

“Hey, Y/N…It’s okay. Everything is fine” He said softly, sensing your distress.

But little did he know, your lips were trembling. Your eyes were clouded with tears, and each lightning strike made you involuntarily flinch.

“It’s going to be okay. Can you take a step towards me?” He coaxed, wanting to help you out.

You mustered up a small nod, and then cursed quietly, realising he couldn’t see you. Stupid, stupid.

You took a cautious step, but in the process, a few books fell behind you. The cry that you’d tried so hard not to let out, came out raw and barely audible.

But he’d caught it.

“Sweetheart, shh. It’s okay. Okay, okay I’m coming to you, alright?”

You heard him move, shoes against the wooden floor making your breath hitch.

“I’m right here” He reminded you. “Don’t be afraid, I’ve got you” he said softly, just a few feet away from you now.

His arms wrapped around you, hesitantly. Only when you leaned into his embrace did he pull you closer.

Your tears fell faster than you could sniffle them in. And you couldn’t stop them. It was like you were little again, curled up on under the covers to shield yourself.

Holding you felt natural to him, as if you were a puzzle piece missing from his life. You fit so perfectly. His hand came to cradle the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair.

Aaron’s chest was warm, steady. An anchor holding you down when everything else was falling apart.

“I’m so- so sorry” You whispered, voice breaking. “Don’t know why- Don't know why I am like this”

“No, no shh,” He murmured. “You don’t have to explain. You’re allowed to be scared”

That was what unraveled you. He didn’t try to fix it, didn’t ask why. He just held you, let you break. Even though he didn’t know you well - at least not yet - he made you feel safe enough to fall apart.

More tears fell down your eyes, body trembling in his hold. You hadn’t meant to cry like that in front of him. Like you were some petulant child scared of thunder.

Aaron never pulled away. He held you closer, not shushing you. Not telling you it’ll pass. He simply held you, reminding you every now and then that he was there and that he had you.

At some point, the lights flickered on. The thunderstorm had faded into distant rumbles, but you hadn’t even noticed.

Still tucked into his arms - Aaron whispered to you,

“It’s okay, look. The lights are back on”

You pulled away, blinking back tears as you took in the soft lights illuminating throughout the room.

His hands came to rest on your arms, noticing you were still shaking.

“Come on, let’s sit down. You’re shaking” Aaron said, like it physically pained him.

You barely registered the fact that he had helped you sit down on one of the bean bags, pulling you under his chin. His scent filled your nostrils, grounding you.

You curled up at his side instinctively, legs over his lap, one arm draped across his chest like you were afraid he’d vanish.

Then quietly, almost like he didn’t want to break the spell - he picked up your worn-out copy of Pride and Prejudice that you’d dropped earlier.

“Pride and Prejudice” He said out loud. Aaron had seen you one too many times reading that book, and if you weren’t reading it, it was behind the counter.

“Oh, the pages are falling out,” He said softly, the small rumble of his chest making you feel calmer.

“Yeah, it’s… I’ve had it since I was 16” You admitted.

“That’s not too long” He teased.

You chuckled, a wet and breathy sound coming out. And then you felt it.

A soft kiss to your forehead, followed by the soft turning of pages.

Aaron’s voice came next, his voice a low and soothing murmur in your ear.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged…” he began, “that a single man in possession of good fortune must be in want of a wife”

And just like that, with your heartbeat slowing and his voice filling the space around you, both the storm outside and inside you finally began to settle.

When you woke up, you were surprised to find him still holding you, his big hand stroking your hair gently. He hadn’t let go.

“You fell asleep, sweetheart” Oh, there he goes with the petname again. Making you melt.

“I didn’t want to wake you”

You smiled, eyes still puffy from all the crying you’d done earlier. “Thank you for staying… for being here”

“I’ll always be here”

True to his word, he was there. In every sense of his words. He came frequently, most times alone. Bringing coffee, pastries, and even lunch.

He never stayed too long or asked too much. But he always noticed. When you were overwhelmed, needed warmth, or when your hands trembled a little more than usual.

He remembered things. Your coffee order, the way you lit up a few candles and put on soft music before closing. How you giggled whenever he pulled you in his arms and swayed to the faint sound of Strangers in the Night by Frank Sinatra.

He never made a show of it. But his presence wove into your days, until you weren’t sure how you ever did them without him.

And now, a few months later, you stood in front of the shop mirror - adjusting the little ribbon on the back of your dress (or at least trying to) for the millionth time, heart hammering in your chest with something you didn’t quite know how to name.

Five years. Your cozy, lovely, and warm bookstore had made it five years. And tonight, everyone you loved was coming to celebrate it.

Well, almost everyone.

You didn’t expect him to show up - mostly because you knew how hectic his job was. You might’ve nervously rambled about the party and how you didn’t want him to feel pressured to come.

Not really good at playing it cool.

Because when you had said,

“It’s okay- It’s okay if you’re busy Aaron”

You didn’t know if you meant it. A part of you would be crushed if he didn’t come.

So you kept busy.

Rearranging the snack table, dimming the lights again and again, until you found yourself surrounded by friends, a few indie authors, and some frequent customers.

Everyone but him.

The shop looked beautiful. Warm and inviting. Fairy lights glowed along the shelves, people were laughing in the poetry section, and the smell of cinnamon pastries lingered in the air.

You smiled. You were proud. Hell, you should be proud.

But as more time passed and as people clinked glasses, making toasts to you, hugging you and congratulating you on your business - you kept thinking about him.

Aaron.

Tall, and charming Aaron Hotchner. Who once held you through a storm like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Pouring yourself another glass of wine, you barely heard the doorbell chime. Late. Subtle. Like it didn’t want to interrupt.

Why did you miss the door every single time he showed up?

But you turned - and there he was.

Wearing a dark suit, no tie, two top buttons loose from his white shirt. He carried something in his hand, small and carefully wrapped in a burgundy tape. You didn’t know whether to cry, run to him, or pretend that your heart wasn’t breaking open like a chapter you’d dog-eared one too many times.

The urge to run to him and kiss him was too strong, you might admit. And on top of that, white wine hits you like chemicals.

He looked at you like he was seeing you for the first time all over again.

“Hi,” He said quietly, like this wasn’t a room full of people. Like it was still just the two of you in the bookstore, with no one to bother you.

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

So he took a step closer, holding out the small package. “I know I’m late” he murmured, tone apologetic. “I hadn’t forgotten about it. And I brought you something”

Looking down at the burgundy wrapped gift, - a book clearly. Your fingers unwrapped it carefully.

Pride and Prejudice.

He’d bought you a copy of Pride and Prejudice. Not just any copy.

A first edition.

Your breath caught. Your eyes flew to his.

Aaron only shrugged, a gesture that seemed so boyish coming from a man like him. “It’s not… not in the perfect condition, but I remembered you had yours since you were sixteen”

Tears pooled in your eyes.

Not because of the book. (well because of that too)

Because of him.

This.

“Aaron- This is-“ You sniffled, lips already trembling.

He saw the way your hands shook, and before you could speak again, Aaron reached out and pulled you into his chest.

You melted into him instantly.

His arms wrapped around you with practiced ease, like he’d done this a thousand times in dreams he’d never dare to mention. You pressed your cheek against his shoulder, the thunder of his heartbeat making you feel dizzy.

And then, like a secret only the two of you would ever know, he pressed a kiss just above your ear, soft as a feather.

“You look beautiful”

Your eyes fluttered shut, chest aching in the best kind of way.

Throughout the entire night, you kept staring at each other from across the room. Whether it was him admiring you as you chatted with friends, or you catching him thumbing through shelves as if he didn’t already own a hundred books. The glances lingered. You were in your element, glowing in the soft light of your bookstore, and he couldn’t look away.

And when the last guest filtered out and the front door clicked shut, the room felt still again. You were left standing across from him, just the two of you. Once more.

“So…” You trailed off shyly.

His eyebrows raised, and he looked at you with genuine curiosity.

You paced around the room, dimming the lights, picking up a bottle of wine and the forgotten box of pizza.

Placing everything on the floor, you took your heels off and gestured for him to come and sit with you.

“I think you would’ve left early. Or not show up at all” You admitted, glasses clinking as you poured.

Aaron gave a small shake of his head. “No, sweetheart. I wouldn’t miss this”

The answer, simple as it was - it made your cheeks heat again. You slid down further next to him, knees pulled to your chest.

“I still can’t believe you bought me that first edition,” you said, voice hushed now. “No one has ever… Done that”

“Y/N…” He whispered.

“No, I’m serious. No one has ever done something like that for me”

The room was silent for a moment. Not awkward. Just soft. Heavy with something unspoken.

“You deserved to be thought of”

You sipped on your wine, licking your lips afterwards. “You always say things like that when I’m least prepared”

Aaron smiled, that small and rare expression he wore when he was truly at ease. “Should I stop then?”

You looked at him, gaze steady now. “No. No, don’t stop”

And then silence again. This time, charged.

He was closer now - physically, emotionally, undeniably. And when your eyes met again, you weren’t so shy anymore.

“I was hoping you’d come,” you murmured. “Even though I told you that it would be fine if you didn’t”

Aaron’s voice was quieter this time. “I didn’t want to miss it. I didn’t want to miss you.”

You looked down at your lap, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “Aaron, you’re making it really hard not to fall in love with you, you know”

He didn’t laugh.

Instead, he leaned in - noses brushing, his forehead resting against yours.

“Then don’t fight it, sweetheart”

That was all it took.

Your breath hitched, and before you knew it his lips were on yours. Warm, soft. Maybe a little reserved at first. Just like him, you thought.

You could get lost in his touch. In the way his hand found your waist, tugging you impossibly closer to him. Like he’d been waiting to do that for a long, long time.

“Aaron…” You whimpered between wet kisses, his name a prayer on your lips.

His hands gripped your waist, your hips - tugging and pulling you flush against him, mouth warm and insistent on yours like he couldn’t get enough.

To his horror, you pulled back all at once.

You were breathless, flushed. Pupils blown wide and the straps of your dress almost slipping from your shoulders.

Without a word, you stood.

He blinked up at you, confused. Until he saw you crossing the room, turning the lock with a soft click.

Then you turned back around, the dim light catching your face as you sat down at his level again.

Nothing else was said.

Not yet.

taglist : @novausstuff @iyskgd

[jinnie-ret]

cover me

poly!stray kids x fem reader

genre: angst, fluff at the end

content warnings: stress from uni/work

word count: 1.5k

summary: money, work, school. it was only a matter of time before the boys would see her crumble, and be there to pick up the pieces

requested: @straykidsnerd255

1K FOLLOWERS PLAYLIST 💚🖤

MAIN MASTERLIST

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Every time she tried to take one step forward, something would ultimately knock her back twice as far. Finally having a very generously paid job as an intern at a big company was serving her well, yet with the return of going back to university, finding a work-school balance was becoming difficult.

Truly, that was the hardest thing. She had great people around her, those being her uni friends or her loving boyfriends, the renowned Kpop band, Stray Kids. The way they cared for her and each other with such strong morals and support meant that surely it would be easy to confide in them.

Not always, especially in this case.

Other times she would be thankful for the fact that her partners all had a longer practice at the company, not to their own detriment of course, but because it gave her more time to get herself together and paint on a calm picture of 'I'm definitely not struggling right now and on the brink of my second breakdown of the day'.

However, this time she really needed them. The stress had amounted to such a level that she felt it right through to her bones, and so she found herself crying over the smallest things, which in turn let out the release of her biggest pain.

"Stupid shoes, why aren't they organised, there's too many," she sniffled, sat on her knees by the front door as she began to cry at shoes. Yes, shoes. Her boyfriends' shoes to be specific. She would have thought at least Seungmin would have berated the others for their lack of organisation at this point but even his were out of place.

"They didn't even match them back up," she cried, and more tears spilled out, "oh, why am I even crying right now?"

Sometimes being in such a state meant that it was hard to understand your own feelings, your thoughts far too occupied with the wants of other people to be able to manage the basic needs of your own.

Eventually she gave up on the shoes and wiped her tears, walking slowly over to the sofa and letting her body fall into it with a soft thump. She tugged a soft velvety blanket over herself, one that Felix probably picked out due to it's plush exterior, and instinctively cocooned herself. Her heart felt heavy, her eyes hot and burning as the tears kept falling. All it took was a reminder on her phone for a work assignment, and a uni assignment, to trigger a sob to catch her throat.

"Too much," she sobbed to herself, trying to muffle the sounds even though there was no one else to hear them, "it's too much."

She was wrong. Not about her feelings, gosh, no, but the fact that she thought she was alone.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?" Hyunjin was crouched down right in front of her trembling form, almost hidden if it wasn't for the blanketed lump that had been shaking so much it couldn't have been natural.

His hand brushed her hair back and his thumb rubbed under her eyes, catching the tears that seemed to keep appearing. Hyunjin watched on in deep concern, just like their other boyfriends did the more they realised something was wrong.

"What? When, when did you get back?" she gulped down her sobs, or attempted to, even though her words still came out messily. She sat up, the blanket falling off her shoulders and resting around her hips.

"Don't worry about that, love. Just tell us what's going on, yeah? What's wrong?" Chan held her against him immediately, taking a seat ñext to her. The only time his arm that was wrapped around her moved away, was to let Jeongin lift the blanket back up to keep her warm.

"I don't know," she sniffed indignantly, coughing lightly through her cries when she tried to clear her throat. Her arm pressed against the lower half of her face.

"You're getting yourself in a state now, come on, move your arm, you know you don't have to hold back in front of us," Seungmin sighed sadly, seeing his girlfriend so stressed. He pulled her arm towards her lap which he was sat in front of, holding her hand with one of his own and the other rubbing her knee.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically at first, until hearing the rest of what he had to say and tilting her head up to the ceiling to blink away the rest of her tears.

Chan pressed a kiss against her forehead, and everyone was around her to offer comfort, Felix and Changbin in particular wanting to jump out of their seats on the adjacent sofa to take all the pain away.

"What's got you to upset, jagi?" Jisung pouted, his own eyes glistening as he saw how upset you were.

"It's stupid, really," she began, rubbing at her eyes roughly, Hyunjin subsequently tutting at her and pulling her other hand away that Seungmin wasn't occupying.

"We're not doing that, jagi," Minho shook his head, brows furrowed, looking down at the floor with his hands folded together, "if it's upset you, it's not stupid."

"Exactly, please just tell us, you know we just want to help, that's all," Felix quickly pitched in, face crumpled sadly much like your own.

"There's just too much going on really. You know? Like, oh-" she had to cut herself off when her voice cracked with emotion again.

"You're ok, take your time," Jeongin gave a small smile and nod to reassure her.

"We're listening, baby," Changbin's raspy voice rung out.

"I've got a good job right? Like, it pays so well, but now with going back to uni it's just like I don't have time for anything. I-i'm having to squeeze in hours where I don't have them because my boss won't help me work around my timetable," she explained, the clashing of two parts of her life and time issues being what was clearly causing so much turmoil.

"I'm sorry, darling," Chan tugged her closer to him, a frown on his face.

"Don't be sorry, not your fault, is it? I'm just so tired, I'm exhausted," she admitted, pressing her lips together and taking a deep breath in order to not cry again.

"We'll help you figure this out, ok?" Hyunjin leant his head against her shoulder.

"Ok, ok," she let out a deep breath and nodded.

"I think you need to focus on uni, love. If work can't meet you in the middle then, it's hard," Seungmin trailed off, not wanting to fully leave her in the dark but not wanting to be too blunt.

"What do you think, jagi?" Jisung wondered, curled up against Minho, one leg hanging over the older's lap.

"I don't know. I don't even wanna make any decisions right now," she shook her head tiredly, blinking a couple times.

"That's understandable, baby, how about we just relax for now, ok?" Changbin suggested.

"And if anything else is upsetting you, please tell us," Chan huffed with a knowing smile.

"Ok, promise," she grinned.

₊˚⊹♡

She must have fallen asleep without realising, as she found herself waking up to Jeongin and Felix giggling over something on the latter's phone.

"What's going on?" she murmured tiredly, pressing her face deeper into... Jisung's chest, it took one whiff of his cologne to be able to tell it was him.

"Had a good sleep then, hmm?" Minho poked her forehead, slow blinking at her.

"Mm, yeah," she nodded, "Lixie, Innie, what's funny?"

The two froze, looking at her a bit guiltily.

"Well, umm, you know we have that camera in the hallway, just in case for security, like if someone broke in or-" Jeongin began to ramble awkwardly,

"I know, yeah," she nods, adjusting her head against Jisung's chest as he loosely keeps an arm around her, securing her to him.

"We're actually sorry for laughing, babe, it's just... You were crying over our shoes earlier?" Felix can't even keep eye contact as he explains.

Jisung stifles a laugh and so she slaps his chest playfully through her mild embarrassment, making him yell out dramatically.

"What's Sungie done now?" Hyunjin asks as he flops onto the sofa, entering the room again after leaving Chan, Seungmin and Changbin to managing the cooking.

"It's more about what our jagi did," Minho teases, looking at her with a smug grin.

"Guys, I was stressed, leave me aloneeee," she huffed, but it didn't stop the light laughter that filled the room knowing that she wasn't completely upset about it.

"Sorry, but..." Jeongin chuckles again, "the way you throw the shoes away from you is so funny!"

"What did our shoes do to you?!" Felix laughed again as he watched the video on replay.

"They smelt bad," she grinned happily, teasing them back as revenge, "specifically Ji's."

"Yah!"

Jisung gave her a noogie, keeping her trapped in his arms. He couldn't let her discredit him like that.

"Sorry! Sorry! Hahaha!"

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listeners: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @kpopmenace143 @haodore @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @his-angell @2minstan @skzoologist @lovingchan @atinyniki @writingforstraykids @minholing @lilmisssona @astraysimp @lixie-phoria @theo4eve @linoalwaysknows @royal-shinigami @jolly04 @turtledove824 @yangbbokari @thisrandomgoofy15 @lieslab @hannamoon143 @arumlilyeclipse

[soonwoosz]

arranged marriage! seungcheol x reader

-------------------

you didn't know how you landed in this position.

a tight, robotic smile on your face, both hands on your knees as your gaze switched from your mother to the lady sitting opposite her. it was hard to keep yourself from fidgeting too much

the ruffled lace on your neck constantly itched, courtesy of your mother who insisted you wear this top for your blind date in order to keep up your image as the 'perfect' daughter of a CEO.

just yesterday, you were still a single, carefree individual who could party in clubs with your friends whenever you wanted. today? you were the fiancè of the son of a partner your father had good relations with - funny how your whole life changed in under 24 hours

as soon as you realised what plans your parents had signed you up for, you didn't take that news lightly. it took hours of arguments, threats to cut off your relationship, and a whole breakdown for you to accept your current situation. and now, you just had to keep up the act of being an obedient daughter, and future wife to appease everyone at the table.

-------------------

your mother noticed your nerves, a hand landing on your thighs to stop them from shaking. she leaned slightly over, whispering a "Just a few more minutes, Mrs. Choi says your fiancè will be here very soon".

you sighed internally, only able to pray that your future partner wouldn't be an arrogant, narcissistic, ugly man that would be on your tail for the rest of your lives - just like all the other ones you've met during the few times you've joined your parents on their business gatherings.

gasp. what if, even worse, he's controlling!

being a wife was one thing, but being a wife AND having your freedom taken away? that was definitely a bigger problem.

your hands shook harder at that thought, coughing as you felt your throat dry up.

you took a sip of water from the wine glass, before standing up to excuse yourself to the washroom.

your eyes wandered around, desperate for an escape plan to avoid this wretched marriage. there was almost no way, however, with the security guards standing by the door of the restaurant.

you cursed, taking a left-turn away from the washrooms, to what you hoped was the back door of the restaurant.

a breath of relief left your mouth when the crisp winter air outside brushed your face.

the backyard was long and desolate, only filled with a few pots of flowers and storage boxes. compared to the luxurious exterior you saw on the outside when walking in, where there was a tall pagoda tree, and bushes of flowers lined the pathway with red carpet.

the restaurant was boxed in by tall walls, resembling the typical traditional korean houses; and with no other exits, the only way out was....up.

"Okay, all i need to do is leave this place and buy a plane ticket to london. they won't be able to catch me over there!"

you muttered out, grabbing the several plastic boxes and lining them against the wall.

it took 5 sturdy boxes, all stacked up on each other, for you to finally be able to reach and hop onto the top of the wall.

you were delighted, a genuine smile finally blooming on your face when reality hit you.

how were you going to get down?

when you heard a frivolous and gentle male voice spoke from below

"Where are you going, Miss?"

you looked down and saw a man with a handsome face. his black suit and dark, long coat made his skin look white and his figure defined; muscled arms, long legs and a broad chest.

he looked up at you.

"I..."

you were thinking of excuses for yourself in your mind, but you didn't know that your cheeks were already flushed.

"Come down when you've had enough fun, and I'll carry you back."

-------------------

끝

[scribblesofagoonerr]

i'm never babysittin' again | chaos fc

summary: monkey is a menance on the trip to melbourne along with her partner in crime, kyra, and poor kimmy's almost having a nervous breakdown over it, so she has to call in reinforcements back home in london.

pairings: kim little x monkey!reader, leah williamson x monkey!reader, arsenal wfc x monkey!reader

chaos fc masterlist

“I’m bored,” You let out an exaggerated sigh and kicked your legs back and forth as you had been forced to sit on one of the seats in the secluded lounge area as you had to wait for your flight to board.

You were partaking in a friendly game in Melbourne with the rest of your Arsenal teammates against an A-League team, and you had been so excited about this ever since you found out that you’d made the squad.

It just sucked that it just so happened to be on the day of your 19th birthday when you flew, but you didn't want the fuss of aybody bringing it up.

You hated your birthday, and you hated everything about celebrating it.

So you were doing everything you could to avoid anybody bringing it up, and so far, you'd say it was pretty successful.

You think people might have even forgotten about it, prehaps?

You could only be so wishful to think that.

“How much longer?” You couldn’t help but be bored, being forced to sit in an airport certainly wasn’t your idea of fun–neither was being stuck under the watchful eye of your Captain either.

You swear that the club, and more so Leah in particular, had planned this on purpose.

It’s like they knew already, somehow.

You wouldn’t call yourself a troublemaker, persay, but what fun is life without causing a little mischief, sometimes?

Apparently, the rest of the older girls’ didn’t have the same thoughts about it.

At least you had Kyra on your side to involve her in the chaos. The girl was a bit older than you, but she was your partner in crime, and you two were always causing mischief together.

“It won’t be much longer, Monkey. Just be patient,” Kim, your Captain and unofficial babysitter for the tip, tried to reassure you, but nevertheless, you just felt further restless.

In your defence, you can’t help the boundless energy you have inside of you, and it’s like your body feels like lightning bolts are itching to strike and you just want to be up and racing about.

The confines of the hard plastic seat make it difficult to do that, though.

“But I’m bored, Kim,” You repeated in a whiny tone of voice, throwing your head back in frustration, “Nobody’s letting me have fun around here!”

“There’s a difference between fun and trouble, kid,” Steph, another one of your older teammates, chimed in, amused by your antics.

“It won’t be too much longer now, Monkey. I’m sure you can wait just that little bit longer,” Kim stated, although her patience is wearing thin.

It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet, and the Scottish woman was already on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

“Are you excited to be going to Melbourne, Menace?” Steph wondered, trying to keep your mind occupied for the time being, already being able to see how fidgety you have become, “It’s a cool place, I reckon you’re gonna love it!” She added.

“Uh-huh. I’m excited—Oh wait, I still need sweets for the flight!” You made the sudden realisation, attempting to make a break for it when you can.

Kim shook her head in disagreement, “It’s too late now, Monkey. We’re going to be boarding the flight soon,” She interjected, trying to reign you in, and wondering how she had ended up with the short straw of keeping an eye on you.

“Yeah, and you definitely do not need any more sugar because you’re already hyper enough,” Steph added in, which you responded to her with a pout, “Oh no, don’t give me that look. I’m not foolin’ for it this time.”

“Awh, shucks. You know if my mum were here, then she’d let me” You try and protest, however, your words are very much incorrect, and of course, the rest of the girls aren’t stupid enough to believe that either.

You know if your mum, Leah, were here, then she would most definitely not allow you to have any sugar at all.

In fact, she’d purposely try and make ham sandwiches in an attempt to steer you from even going in the direction of the shop.

“No, she wouldn’t,” Katie, another teammate and also someone who you consider one of your closest aunties, commented as she passed by.

In actual fact, you think of most of the girls here at Arsenal as your aunties—after all, you’ve known most of them since you were a lot younger.

“Yeah, we all know what you’re like without sugar alone. You don’t need any more of it, Tiny,” Caitlin added in with a knowing look.

You huffed in further protest. Your boredom was slowly persisting, and it felt like you’d been waiting ages for the flight to board.

You desperately needed to try and find something to occupy your time, and you hit the jackpot when your eyes gazed upon the several dogs lined up near the barriers to get through security.

“Bingo,” You thought to yourself as your eyes lit up in delight, wasting no time to jump up from your seat and dart in the direction of the dogs.

All you wanted to do was pet them. They look adorable in your opinion.

Before anyone could stop you, you’d already successfully made it halfway across the terminal in the direction; however, the announcement of the flight boarding to Melbourne had gotten Kim’s attention now.

“Right, our flight has been called. See, Monkey? I told you it wouldn’t be that long,” Kim spoke aloud, not realising you’d somehow managed to wander off in the time that she’d turned round to speak to Steph, “Monkey? Oh for… Where’s the kid gone?!” She questioned, her eyes widened with panic when she couldn’t see you in her eyesight.

“Looks like she went to pet the dogs,” Kyra snickered, amused with your antics, and although she should try and stop you, she wanted to see how far you would succeed with your little adventure.

“She just wanted to make friends with them,” Teyah joined in, just as amused as she watched the scene unfold.

“And neither of you thought to try and stop her? You know what she’s like!” Kim shook her head in disbelief, and her eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when she spotted you nearing the dogs, “Oh, God—Monkey!”

“You might wanna grab her before she gets her arm ripped off, Kim,” Katie joked, watching in amusement.

“Unbelievable,” Kim muttered to herself as she raced quicker than ever in the direction of you.

Unfortunately, before you’d made it near the dogs, you felt a firm grip on your upper bicep that started to tug you back forcefully.

You spun around are met with your Captain’s stern face, “Kimmy!” You whined in protest while trying to wriggle free from her grasp.

“What on earth do you think you’re doing, Monkey? You can’t pet the dogs!” Kim scolded you, remaining to still have a hold on to your arm to prevent you from running off again, “Come on, we need to board the flight. I don’t have time for you to mess about now!” She added sternly.

“But the dogs, though… they’re adorable!” You pouted in further protest, not happy to be pulled away before you even had the chance to pet them.

“Mhm, yes and as adorable as they look, they’re patrol dogs and they have a job to do here,” Kim remarked sarcastically, dragging you back in the direction of the rest of your teammates and all the Arsenal staff so you could board the flight.

“Maybe you need to invest in a leash for her,” Alessia piped in as she watched you reluctantly be dragged back to the group, while Kim is already rubbing her temples is despair ahead of the flight before it’s even taken off.

“Pst, Kyra,” You nudged the older girl not so gently to wake her up, having been bored on the flight while the rest of the girls either seemed to want to sleep or do their own thing, “Wanna play a prank on some of the others?” You questioned, mischievously.

So far, the flight to Melbourne hadn't been that adventurous, somehow through luck, though you managed to be able to sit next to your partner in crime.

It was great for you, however, not so much for Kim, who had been frazzled and trying to keep things under control the whole time on the flight.

“Absolutely,” Kyra grinned in response as there was a matching mischievous twinkle in her eye, “What’d you have in mind?” She wondered curiously.

You grinned and proceeded to pull out a whoopee cushion from your carry-on, “Well, we could start with this?” You suggested in a quiet whisper not to get the attention of Kim, who currently had her head buried in a book.

“Genius!” Kyras’ eyes lit up in glee, “So, who’s our first target then?” She wondered.

“Caitlin is dozing off,” You gestured in the direction of where Caitlin was half in and out of sleep, “She seems like she could be a prime victim.”

You and Kyra both shared a look before the older girl out of the two of you snuck over to Caitlin and slipped said whoopee cushion underneath her seat.

“Showtime,” You smirked as you waited for her to sit on it.

Caitlin woke up startled when it suddenly went off and she looked around confused, “What the—?”

The pair of you couldn’t help but giggle uncontrollably.

“Monkey, Kyra,” Kim caught on to your troublemaker ways and narrowed her eyebrow, “Behave!”

“What? We didn’t do nuffin’!” You feigned your innocence, holding your hands up in protest.

“Let’s move on to Steph,” Kyra encouraged you to continue with your pranks.

“Yeah, good shout,” You nodded in agreement and found the packet of gummy worms in your bag, you could have easily ate them but pranking the Aussie woman was more worth it, “Let’s put these in her bag, and she’ll totally freak out ‘bout it!” You added in.

Kyra eagerly accepted the packet of sweets and snuck over to Steph’s seat, cautiously depositing the gummy worms into the older woman’s open backpack, “Done, now we just need to wait for her to go in there—”

“Ah! What the hell?” Steph shrieked, and if your facial expression was anything to go by then you guess she’d already found them, “Kyra! Monkey!”

“It weren’t us,” Kyra played it off and shrugged her shoulders.

“Yeah, you have no proof,” You gave the woman a smug grin.

The older Australian woman shook her head in annoyance, “Pests. You’re both a pair of pests, honestly,” She muttered aloud.

“Yer two are somethin’ else,” Katie overheard the commotion and shook her head.

“Dare I ask what you pair did now?” Alessia questioned, joining in as she overheard the commotion from her fellow teammates.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, we’re just havin’ a bit of fun,” You still continued to act innocent, although you personally didn’t understand what the fuss is about when you’re contained in a metal box with no escape.

Somehow, you needed to entertain yourself.

Pranking your teammates seemed like the perfect opportunity.

“Hey, Less! Do you like spiders?” Kyra smirked mischeviously, already ahead of the plan for another prank at the expense of the blonde girl, who you both knew had a bad fear of them.

“No, not really—Ahh!” Alessia cried out in fear with you tossed a fake spider in her direction, before doing no more than jumping up onto her seat before she realised it was a fake plastic on and proceeded to glare at you both, “Monkey! Kyra!” She yelled, annoyed with you both.

“That’s enough!” Kim shot up from her seat, giving you both a pointed look, “Both of you, sit down and behave!”

“Yes, ma’am,” You pretended to be serious and move back to your seat.

Kyra gave your Captain a mock salute and continued to follow suit, “Aye, Aye, Captain!” She joked.

“I don’t want to hear anything more from the pair of you for the rest of the flight,” Kim warned you both before she returned to reading her book.

It didn’t last long before you were causing chaos again.

“Pst, Monkey,” It was now Kyra’s turn to nudge you with a knowing look on her face, “We should try and see if we can balance peanuts on Frida’s head while she’s asleep,” She suggested the idea to you.

Never being one to turn down a challenge, you smirked and nodded your head in agreement, “You’re on. That’ll be easy to do!” You insisted.

With the task in hand, you both leaned across your seats and carefully began to place peanuts on Frida’s head, one by one.

“Wow, I didn’t think this would actually work,” You whispered in amazement and tried to stifle your giggles, however, that didn’t go to plan when Frida woke up and the peanuts went flying everywhere.

“What…” Frida looked completely baffled, while you and Kyra continued to hold back your laughter even more.

You couldn’t hold it in much longer before you ended up bursting out laughing, “That… That was great!” You stated in amusement.

“Monkey! Kyra! I swear if you two don’t behave then I will have the Captain come and talk to you!” Kim warned, feeling like she was ready to blow with the mischief that you pair had caused, “I mean it when I say I want no more trouble from either of you for the rest of this entire flight, understood?”

You still couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the misfortune of Frida wearing half a bag of peanuts on her head, “Geez, someones’ a bit salty. Get it, salty cos’ they were salted peanuts!” You cracked up into more laughter.

“I mean it, Monkey. I will get the captain, or when we get to Melbourne, I’ll have no problem ringing Leah and telling her the antics that you got up to,” Kim threatened, and your face immediately paled.

Sure, the captain of the plane might be terrifying, but your blonde vice-captain, who also happens to be your adoptive mum? Now that was seriously someone you did not want to be in hot water with.

Unfortunately, you seemed to find yourself on the end of the stern lecture with her one too many times.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I’ll behave. Don’t… Don’t phone her!” You were quick to plead with your Captain, “I’m sorry, you know you’re me’ favourite Auntie. Please don’t phone her!” You really did not want her to make that phone call.

Kyra nodded, but she kept her fingers crossed behind her back, “Yeah, we’ll be good.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Steph muttered, shaking her head.

Caitlin nodded in agreement with the older Aussie girl, “Yeah, them pair are magnets for trouble.”

It wasn’t long before you had arrived in Melbourne, when your flair for trouble was encouraged once again by Kyra and the pair of you couldn’t resist goofing off inside the gym.

“Kimmy!” You all but plowed yourself into the older woman, who was peacefully minding her own business on one of the massage tables until you came running at her like a full whirlwind, “Auntie Kimmy! Shrek! Kimmy!”

Somehow, Kyra decided to get the idea to improvise giving Kim chest compressions or something along the lines of what it looks like.

Also while trying to encourage you to hang off the pull up bar with the overshadowing bet on the tables.

“Oof,” Kim let out a low grunt as your body crashed into her, “Monkey, that was cute when you were twelve, but not so much now. What’d you want, you tiny Menace?”

“Kimmy! Kyra reckons I can’t hang off the pull up bar, but watch this!” You tattled, scrambling off her and making your way over to the bar, “Watch this! Are you watching?”

“Monkey, no. You’ll hurt yourself!” Kim was quick to bolt up from the table to stop you from attempting to break your leg with your attempt to hang upside down from the pull up bar.

Kyra giggled mischeviously and watched as Kim almost had a near heart attack watching the trouble unfold, “Nah, nah, Monkey. You’ve gotta do it like this!” With that, she pulled herself up onto the bar and flipped herself over so she was dangling upside down.

“The pair of you get down now before you get hurt!” Kim chided, trying to keep a stern facade when dealing with the pair of you, “Monkey, I’m being serious now. Get. Down!” She repeated, trying to reason with your chaotic antics.

“Awh, you’re no fun. I on;y wanted to swing from the bar like Tarzan,” You huffed in protest and begrudgingly got off the car to save Kim from having an aneurysm.

Unfortunately for the woman, your trouble doesn’t seem to stop for too long, and between you and Kyra, you had managed to mismatch everyones boots when they were mostly preoccupied.

“Why do my boots feel suddenly different?” Katie was the first to realise, taking a look at them in confusion, “Wait, these aren’t mine…”

Caitlin was just as quick to realise her own pair was missing, “Hey! Who took my boots?”

“Seriously, guys?” Steph huffed, holding up two different sized boots in each one of her hands.

Kim spun around to look at you and Kyra, “Girls, did you do this?” She asked, her voice sounding calm, which was weary in itself.

“Who? Us? Never!” You couldn’t help but grin, which was a dead giveaway from your latest shenanigans, 

“Yeah, we were just standing here,” Kyra feigned her innocence, holding her hands up in mock surrender, “You can’t pin the blame on us this time.”

Alessia couldn’t help but laugh and shake her head, “I bet it was you two. You’re always up to something!”

“Alright, well it might’ve been,” You admitted, letting out a small giggle.

“Right,” Kim began, exhaling a sigh at your antics, “Switch them all back, now. We need to start training soon!” She told you both in a stern tone of voice.

“Yes, Ma’am,” You joked, pretending to be serious with the Scottish woman.

“Right away, Captain,” Kyra gave Kim another mock salute as the pair of you fixed the boots to the right players.

“Why do I even put up with this?” Kim muttered to herself, although it was loud enough to be heard from a few of the other girls, “Where’s that bloody time out chair when I actually need it?”

“Just remember what Less said about needing a leash for Monkey,” Steph chimed in, reminding Kim about the idea.

“At this point, I’m actually considering it,” Kim remarked, already having thoughts about it.

“Hey, I’m not a dog!” You overheard the conversation and shout in protest.

“Ha, could you imagine, Monkey on a leash at training,” Katie snickered in amusement, shaking her head, “That’d be hilarious to see!”

“Might actually be a good idea,” Vic chipped in.

“I’m deeply hurt by this suggestion,” You continued to act offended, looking directly at Katie, “And you, you’re supposed to be my Auntie—and you want to treat me like a dog! That’s… That’s completely outrageous! Shame on you!”

You should have a degree in acting with this performance.

“You know it’s true, Monkey,” Caitlin laughed at your own expense, going to take a sip of her water but pulled away with a frown when there was a revolting taste from it, “Ew. Why does my water taste horrible?” She asked, confused.

“Oh God,” Steph exhaled a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Kyra, Monkey, what have you both done now?” She questioned, glancing in the direction of you both.

“Oh no, we must’ve got the bottles all in a pickle,” Kyra smirked, giving the clue away as you both shared a look with one another.

You couldn’t help but burst into a fit of laughter, meanwhile Kim is slowly rubbing her temples and trying to remain calm over the situation, “Right, that’s it!” She bellowed, across the room, “I’ve had enough now, I’m callin’ Leah, and she can talk to you! I’ve had enough of your troublemaking ways!” She stated in outrage, shaking her head.

You froze in your tracks and immediately started to shake your head in protest, “No, no, please, Kimmy… Please, Auntie Kimmy, don’t do that!” You pleaded with her.

“One more chance,” Kim warned, firmly, “One more slip up and I’m phoning her!” She added, shaking her head and questioning her life decision on how she got stuck babysitting the kids (the untrustworthy and non responsible young adults) for this trip.

Better yet, the younger girls that had joined them on the trip were better behaved than you were at times

You’d been to Australia once before, last year, when you went to visit Jacob, Leahs’ brother and your uncle, although with only a few years age difference, it felt odd to call him that so you just tend to call him Jacob, unless you of course want something–Leah injured her ACL, and you all went to watch the 2023 Women’s World Cup Final against Spain–you were so happy for Jordan to have made the squad, even if you wouldn’t actually say it aloud–but travelled on a flight with Leah, and your little sister, Buddy and you had a blast, even if the flight was long, but at least you were able to watch Shrek and other movies.

But this was your first time in Melbourne and you were keen to explore and when the prospect of a trip to the zoo was on the tables–you were more that ecstatic to visit there and see all of the animals.

Ever since Kim’s threat to phone Leah back home in London, you had been trying to remain on your best behaviour because you really didn’t want to be in trouble with the blonde, again. So you were doing your best to avoid your troublemaker partner.

However, that was easier said than done sometimes.

“Wow,” You spoke aloud in amazement as you walked through the entrance of Melbourne zoo, along with the rest of your Arsenal team mates and staff in tow, keen to see as many of the animals as possible.

“Stay close, Monkey. I don’t want to lose you,” Kim warned, already thinking ahead of your disappearing act in the airport previous to this.

“I want to see the Koalas,” You huffed in protest and tried to figure out a way to get away from them, “I wanna take some photos to show Buddy when I’m home!”

“You will, there’ll be plenty of time for that. You just need to be patient,” Kim reassured you, although her patience is way past the point of calm at this point.

“Come with me, Monkey. I’ll show you where they are,” Kyra offered you the opportunity to sneak away from the rest of the girls in search of the animal that you wanted to see.

“Okay,” You don’t think twice before being led astray by the older girl once again and make your way to the enclosure where they are, leaving the rest of the girls to think you were both still there.

“Maybe when we get to the gift shop you can buy Buddy a Koala teddy, too? I bet she’d love that, Monkey,” Kim continued to suggest, completely unaware that you had snuck off, again. She didn’t hear a response as she spun around, her eyes widening when she was unable to see you in her eye sight, “Monkey? Oh for God sakes. Not again! Where’s she gone now?”

“Kyra’s missing as well,” Caitlin told the Scottish woman.

“Great, just fantastic,” Kim mumbled, rubbing her temples to keep her impending headache at bay, “We need to find them—half of us go this way, half of us go the other. I should’ve known she would try and sneak off, this just reminds me off when she went missing at the training grounds when she was twelve!” She spoke her thoughts aloud.

“Oh yeah, yer mean the day she bit me? Oh, I remember that clear as day!” Katie chuckled, shaking her head as she peered down at the faint scar that she had from several years ago, “Took a right little chomp on my arm, didn’t she?”

“Katie! We need to find her—you look left, I’ll look right!” Kim insisted, splitting the group into half, “Text the groupchat when either of us find them pair!”

You were non the wiser of the search party going ahead to look for you both as you stood in front of the enclosure, “Whoa, they’re so cool!” You stare at koalas in amazement.

“Aren’t they just?” Kyra murmured, looking at them.

“Hey, I have an idea,” There was a twinkle of mischief in your eyes again as you looked at the older Australian girl, “Bet you can’t get a selfie with one of them!”

“Oh, yeah? You’re on!” Kyra wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, completely missing the clearly visible ‘no entry sign’ as she crept towards one of them. 

You get your phone out and hold it up, ready to take the photo, “This is gonna be great!”

“Hey! What’d you two think your doing?” The loud voice of a zookeeper startled you both, almost causing you to drop your phone in the midst of it all, “You can’t be in there!”

Without any hesitation, you both are quick to make an escape from there and scramble back over the railing and bolted from the sight, “Phew, that were a close one,” You mumbled as you hunched over to catch your breath back, “Where next?”

“Ooo, what about the Monkeys?” Kyra came up the idea, pointing in the direction of where the monkeys would be

Back with the rest of the girls, Kim led the search party to try and find you both.

“Monkey?” Kim shouted aloud.

“Kyra?” Steph and Caitlin called out for the younger Aussie girl.

“Come out, come out, wherever yer are,” Katie chimed in, jokingly.

Alessia exhaled a sigh and shook her head, “How can they wander off again without us realising it?” She wondered.

Steph looked around and spotted you both heading towards the monkey enclosure, “Oh boy,” She muttered to herself, “Looks like we’ve found them. Might want to text the others and let them know to call of the search.”

“You know, you might really want to invest in that leash after all, Kim,” Vic chipped in, amusedly.

“I’m starting to think so too,” Kim remarked, exhaling a deep sigh.

“I know you’d come around,” Alessia joked, overhearing the conversation.

“There you both are!” Kim stormed over to you both with a stern expression, not missing the chance to take a hold of your upper bicep, “That’s it. That’s the final straw, Monkey. I’m calling Leah!”

“B… But it’s not just me. It’s Kyra too!” You were quick to throw the older girl under the bus in protest, “Auntie Kimmy, please don’t call her!”

“Don’t Auntie Kimmy me, Monkey. It’s not going to work this time—you’ve gone too far!” Kim told you sternly, shaking her head.

“Hey!” Kyra whined in protest.

“You’re meant to be setting an example, Kyra!” Caitlin scolded the younger Australian girl, “Not leading her astray!”

“You’re older than Monkey, Kyra. You should know better!” Steph chimed in.

You couldn’t help but smirk in satisfaction that you’re not being scolded for once, “Can we go and see the kangaroos now?” You questioned, innocently.

“Don’t look too happy yet, Monkey. Time out, right here, right now!” Kim ordered, pointing her finger to a nearby bench as you continued to look taken aback, “Go. Sit. Now. I don’t want to hear a single peep out of you for nineteen minutes.”

“Seriously?” You groaned, throwing your head back in exaggeration.

“I’m not messing about here,” Kim told you firmly, pointing to the wooden bench, “March over there and sit down. The longer you protest, the worse it will be.”

You huffed, but reluctantly dragged your feet to plonk yourself on the bench, “This is… This is embarrassing!”

“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before yer decided to wander around the zoo, huh?” Katie chimed in, snickering as she took a quick photo—you weren’t sure if it was for evidence, memories, or she was planning to send to send it to Jordan, “Smile for yer Mama, Monkey. I’m sure she’ll love to see what her little menace is up too.”

Well that answered that question, at least.

You did no more than scowl at Katie, with your arms crossed over your chest as you kicked your feet in front of you.

At least you weren’t on your own, as Kyra was forced to sit on the other end of the bench. For an extra few minutes, considering she was older than you.

Kim stared at you in disbelief, “I’m phoning Leah as soon as we get back to the hotel, and telling her how much trouble you’ve caused over the last twenty four hours,” She remarked, which caused you to furrow your eyebrows, “And until we leave the zoo, I want you right by my side for the remainder of the time that we’re here so I know exactly where you are!”

“Sit,” Kim ordered straight away as you followed her into the hotel room, and she began to dial Leah’s number on her phone as she paced the floor back and forth, “Come on, come on, pick up, pick up,” She murmured as she waited for a response on the other end of the line, despite the time that it might be.

You couldn’t help but sit there and hope that Leah didn’t answer, because you really knew you’d done it now to be in trouble… yet again.

“Hey, Kim!” Leah’s voice answered on the other end of the phone, connecting the video call to where it looked like she was in the gym surrounded with some of the other girls back in London.

“Hi, Kimmy!” Beth popped her head in the view of phone camera and waved at her enthusiastically, “How’s Australia?”

“It’s a disaster, girls. I can’t take it anymore!” Kim told them, frantically.

Leah looked immediately concerned as her eyebrows knitted together, “Whoa, what’s the matter?” She asked, confused.

“Yeah, you look like you’re about to have a nervous breakdown there, Kimmy,” Beth joked, seeing the exasperated look on the Scots’ face, “What’s wrong?”

“Monkey and Kyra! Between them, they’re both driving me insane! I’ve had it with them both!” Kim admitted out loud, and you tried to slump down into your seat to try and hide from the telling off that you know is imminent from happening when Leah finds the truth behind what’s been going on.

Well… at least you only had to worry about Leah, and not Jordan as well.

One parent is better than both, even if Leah was the more stricter one out of the two.

By this point, all of the girls in the gym at London Colney had decided to surround Leah’s phone to find out about yours and Kyra’s antics.

“Uh oh,” Viv murmured, shaking her head, “What’ve they done?” She asked.

“I think it’s more like what they haven’t done,” Beth joked, trying to keep the mood light in the room.

Kim shook her head and settled onto the bed in her hotel room, trying to keep her attention between you and the phone call, “Leah, it’s like Monkey is out to be a complete menace this trip,” She paused as she glanced at you to make sure you’re not doing anything you shouldn’t be, “Together, her and Kyra have done nothing but cause trouble, from switching everyones boots during training and putting pickle juice in the water bottles, and causing trouble on the plane with their pranks—oh! And don’t even get me started about the airport either!”

“Wait, someone actually drank the pickle juice?” Manu looked considerably confused at the mention of the picke juice in particular.

“That doesn’t sound good,” Stina commented, laughing.

Laia smirked in amusement, “I can’t believe it.”

“Wait, what happened in the airport?” Lia asked, curiously.

“Oh, right, well let’s just say that Monkey wanted to go over and pet the friendly dogs,” Kim muttered sarcastically, shaking her head.

 “The friendly dogs?” Beth snorted in realiastion, “You mean the patrol dogs? Oh my God!” She said, shaking her head in utter disbelief.

“I feel like I’m at my wits end with both of them, and we couldn’t even go to the zoo without them wandering off and getting into trouble!” Kim ranted, taking a quick glance at you, while you tried to continue to hide from the impending scolding you were bound to get, “I put her in time out, Leah. I had enough of it!”

“Oh yeah, so that’s what the photo Jord sent me was about,” Leah hummed in understanding, “Haven’t had to that in a while. Was it that bad?”

“Alessia even suggested I get a leash for Monkey and I’m half tempted,” Kim continued to rant, ready to pull her hair out with dealing with both you and Kyra for last god-knows how many hours.

“I knew I should’ve come on this trip, Monkey is always a handful, but this sounds like it’s been too much,” Leah exhaled a sigh, biting her bottom lip, “Is my girl there with you now?”

“She’s right here,” Kim gritted her teeth, panning the camera to face you.

Your attempt to hide wasn’t going so well right now, and Leah looked irked with you.

“Hi, Mum… I miss you, and Buddy,” You waved, hoping to ease the tension, but Leah doesn’t crack a smile, “Wow, tough crowd…”

“I’ll speak with you in a minute, young lady!” Leah exclaimed, giving you a look that you knew all too well—you were in deep shit.

“Where’s Kyra?” Viv questioned, arching an eyebrow as she didn’t spot your counter part in the room.

“With Steph and Caitlin, I needed to separate the pair of them so they’re talking to her about it but feel free to call in as well,” Kim informed the Dutch.

“I’ll call her afterwards. Can’t let her go anywhere unsupervised,” Viv stated, shaking her head in disappointment.

“You’re doing great, Kimmy. Just a few more days!” Beth chimed in, trying to keep Kim in high spirits, “Hang in there!”

Kim shook her head in protest, “I’m never babysittin’ again! I’m gonna need another holiday after this. I’m… I’m getting grey hair! I thought Monkey was bad on her own, but she’s even worse when Kyra’ with her!” She exclaimed to the girls.

Leah exhaled a sigh, feeling for the older woman she pinched the bridge of her nose, “Right, okay, put Monkey on Kim, and maybe I can try and get through to her,” You could tell that Leah is trying to remain calm and collective, but she is annoyed at your behaviour.

“Please do,” Kim murmured, almost looking relieved as she turned to look at you, “Monkey, come here and talk to your mum on the phone.”

“Uh, no… no… I’m alright actually, I think I’ll just—” You tried to back out of talking to her, not ready to handle the telling off you were bound to get.

“Get over here right now, Monkey!” Leah’s voice came through the phone, calling you out directly and you inwardly groaned, knowing that you had no choice but to do as your told for once, walking over to where Kim was with her phone as she held it out for you to take.

“Er, ‘ello, Mum,” You waved innocently at the blonde, hoping that she’ll go easier on you.

It’s needless to say that the blonde looked far less than impressed and she didn’t beat around the bush, “What the bloody hell do you think you’re playing at, Monkey?” She asked you in a tone of voice, which made you want to shrink onto the floor.

“Nuffin, I swear, y’know I’m just havin’ a bit of fun…” You tried to come across as innocent, hopeful that’ll cut out some of the lecture, “How’s London? I miss you! And I miss Buddy! We went to the zoo today, she’d have loved it!”

“Cut the bullshit, Monkey!” Leah scoffed, shaking her head, “Listen, just because I’m not there with you doesn’t mean that you can get away with stuff like you have been doing, yeah? I trusted you to go on this trip, didn’t I? You have a responsibility to set an example, and there’s girls there younger than you, and this is the way you act? It stops. Now!”

There’s something about her scolding that has always scared you, but you’re not sure what it is yet. Maybe you’re just afraid of disappointing one of the women who has raised you since you were twelve when you were put in their care? Or maybe it’s the firm scary facial expression and the way her words just cut straight to the point?

Despite your initial fear, you still can’t help but act like a menace—after all, that is your nickname. Well, at least one of many.

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about though? I’m just having fun. It’s all halrmess, mum,” You shrugged your shoulders, carelessly.

Leah didn’t look the slightest bit phased, “Enough, Monkey. You promised that you would be good, and if you continue to keep causing trouble like you are doing then I’m going to take away your sweet privileges for a month!” She threatened.

You gasped aloud, “No way, mum! That… That is just outright criminal!”

“And if you continue to give Kim any more of a hard time then I’ll personally make sure that you’re on a leash, next time!” Leah warned, not bating an eye to your protest, “Consider yourself warned, my girl!”

“A… A month without sweets? And a leash?” Your spluttered, your eyes widening in realisation that maybe this time, just maybe, you had gone a bit too far, and maybe you really do need to sharpen up on your behaviour—with the threat of no sweets on the table, you actually have no choice but to do as your told now.

“Yes, a whole month without them and a leash if you continue to misbehave,” Leah stated, firmly, “Do you understand?”

Surely, she is just bluffing? Like she would actually do that… you’re unsure.

“You can’t do that,” You whined in protest.

“I can, and I will, because clearly you can’t behave yourself, and as long as you live under my roof then you will follow my rules,” The blonde told you, continuing to sound firm, “Do you understand?”

“B… But mum, that’s not… that’s not fair!” You couldn’t help but still whine in protest, really not liking the idea of that, “It’s cruel!”

“Oh, this is better than reality TV,” Beth joked on the other end of the camera, stood beside Leah, “You’d better listen to your mum, menace, or she might confiscate Shrek next.”

“Don’t give her ideas!” You exclaimed, eyes wide in protest.

Beth laughed wickedly in amusement.

“Beth,” Lia nudged the blonde, rolling her eyes.

“What? It’s true!” Beth exclaimed, shrugging her shoulders.

“It’s completely fair, Monkey. I want you to have fun out there in Melbourne with the rest of the girls, but not at the expense of everyone else,” Leah still stood firm on her words, “Behave yourself, or there’ll be consequences!”

“Fine, I’ll try and be good,” You huffed, dramatically.

“Good girl, that’s all I ask for please,” Leah’s voice softened slightly, “I want you to have a nice time out there, my girl, but don’t be getting led astray okay? And remember, if you wake up during the nightmares then you only have to go to either Kim, or Katie, or anyone else you feel comfortable with—”

“Muuuuuuuuuum, stop, that’s embarrassing. I’ll be fine,” You whined, huffing as tried to cover your face that had turned a shade of red from embarrassment, “I hate when you bring them up!”

“I know, I know, and it’s nothing to be ashamed about, Monkey,” Leah continued to want to have this conversation with you, whether you were wanted to listen or not, “But listen to me, yeah? I know you, my girl and I know that sometimes, you don’t like to always open up about these things, but just remember that if it happens then you can go to your aunties, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah… I know,” You mumbled, wanting to be done with the conversation.

“Promise me, Monks’ that if you get upset you’ll go to one of them,” Leah didn’t look entirely convinced, “I don’t want you alone and crying in the middle of the night—maybe I should’ve had you share a room with Kim instead!”

“Muuuuum! Stop!” You whined, covering your face with your hands, “Fine, fine, I promise, I’ll go to one of them if I need too, but I’ll be fine! You don’t need too… I’ll be fine!” You spluttered out, embarrassed to talk about the ongoing nightmares still.

“Oh, Le, stop you’re embarrassing the poor girl,” Lia chimed in, amusedly as she swatted the blonde’s shoulder, “Monkey, I’m sure your mum just wants to make sure you’re okay, and in good hands out there because it’s such a long way away from home. Right, Le?”

Leah didn’t look phased in her attempt to embarrass you, “I just want to make sure you’re okay my girl, and if you happen to have an accident—”

“Okay, alright, I’m going to hang up now!” You cut her off from what she was going to say to spare you even more embarrassment, “Tell Buddy I said hi and that I miss her, and I guess I miss you, too!”

And without even missing a beat, you ended the call to spare yourself the embarrassment of having that conversation—a bit like Peppa did in Peppa Pig when she didn’t want to speak to Suzy Sheep.

“Monkey!” Kim immediately scoded you, standing in front of you with her arms crossed, “That was rude to end the call then like that, you know that your mum means well!”

“Yeah, but Kimmy, it was so… embarrassing to talk about that in front of everyone else there,” You mumbled, blushing bright red, as the phone starts to ring again, “She’s ringing me again. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Answer it, Monkey,” Kim told you, firmly, “Either you answer it, or I will. Your choice?”

“Fine,” You huffed, tapping your finger on the screen to answer the call to see Leah looked less than impressed.

“Did you just hang up on me?” Leah questioned, irked.

You scratched the back of your neck awkwardly, “Oh, er sorry mum… bad signal and all down under,” You lied through your teeth.

“Monkey,” Kim fixed you with a firm look, “Stop lying, and tell the truth.”

“Urgh, fiiiiiiine,” You groaned, throwing your back dramatically, looking less than thrilled, “I hung up on you because I was embarrassed, but um, can we uh… can we just move on from this conversation now please?”

“No, no, we cannot just move on from it, when I was trying to make sure to tell you that if you have an—”

“I’m not afraid to hang up again on you!” You threatened, ready to hit end on the call.

“Don’t you dare, Monkey!” Kim and Leah both said at the same time. Freaky.

“Fine, fine, alright I know, I’m listenin’ and I heard, and yeah, but umm can we just move on now, please?” You begged, wanting to crawl in a hole right now to avoid this conversation.

But Leah? Oh no. Leah Williamson was many things–your mum, your soft place to land, your biggest cheerleader and supporter–but when it came to manners? She was also the Queen of Teaching A Lesson.

“No, Monkey, we cannot move on,” Leah said firmly, though not unkindly, “You don’t just get to hang up on someone mid-sentence—especially when that someone is me and I’m trying to look out for you. You might be halfway across the world, but I can still discipline you if I need to–and I know perfectly well that Kim won’t have no problem sticking you in another timeout if needs be!”

“Mum,” You whined, mortified as you tried to shrink further into the seat.

“Don’t try and hide, Monkey. Your mum has a point, it was rude and you don’t hang up on her. Especially not when she’s worried about you,” Kim told you, firmly.

You slumped back, pulling the hoodie over your head dramatically, “I said I was sorry! It was humiliating, and she’s there in the gym with everyone else—It’s not fair! Okay, so maybe I did hang up, but at least I gave warning about it first!”

Leah raised an eyebrow through the screen, “I wasn’t trying to humiliate you, my girl. I was just checking in because you’re far away from home without me, or your mama for the first time, and I want to make sure that if anything was to happen then you’d be comfortable going to your aunties and knowing you have something there. But more importantly, you don’t hang up on the phone like that, do you understand me?”

You pouted, “Yes, Mum.”

“I don’t want any of this usual sass I’m getting with eye rolls,” Leah said, narrowing her eyes, “I want a proper apology please.”

“Urgh, fine, whatever,” You groaned like it physically pained you, “Alright, alright, I’m sorry for hanging up on you like I did. It was rude, and I got embarrassed and panicked, and I know you’re only looking out for me.”

“Thank you, that’s all I wanted,” Leah softened just slightly, “You’re allowed to feel embarrassed, sweetheart, that’s okay. But next time, just say that. Don’t cut me off mid-sentence, yeah? It comes across as rude, and I know you’re not like that.”

“Yeah,” You mumbled, cheeks still pink.

“And don’t even think about doing that Peppa Pig dramatic hang-up thing again,” Leah added, with a knowing smirk.

You gasped, “How do you know about that episode?”

“Because I’m your mum,” Leah responded, confidently, “And you’re forgetting I’ve seen every episode. Buddy used to watch it, too, remember? Where do you think she suddenly got her obsession with dinosaurs, huh? I remember these things.”

Kim grinned and ruffled your hair, “She knows all the tricks, Monkey.”

“I love you, my girl,” Leah said, getting far too emotional for you to only be gone less than a week, but this wasn’t a rare that you had ever really been away from her, and definitely the furthest, “Stay safe, and I’ll see you when your back home. I’ll check in with Kim to see how you’re doing. Be good, alright?”

“Love you too, mum,” Your own voice softened as tears sprang to your eyes and you quickly wiped them away to make it like you hadn’t been crying at all, “Now can you go and give Kyra the same lecture, cos’ it’s not fair if I just get into trouble for this!”

“Oh, don’t worry, menace. Viv’s already on that one,” Beth joked, panning the camera around to where Viv was stood off on the other side of the room giving a lecture through the phone to Kyra, where you could hear the tailend of the conversation, “Having fun at whos’ expense? That is no way to act!” You heard the Dutch lecture in the background.

You couldn’t help but giggle and shrug your shoulders, “Okay well that makes me feel better at least,” You mumbled as you wave to the rest of the girls and pass the phone back to Kim.

Leah shook her head in amusement at your usual care-free attitude, “Hang in there, Kim. She’ll be better now, but if she gives you any more trouble then just stick her in timeout and call me, alright?” She reassured the Scottish woman.

“You got it, thanks, Leah, I appreciate you talking to her,” Kim said in agreement, bidding their goodbyes and ending the phone call, “Right, you. How about we go find the rest of the girls?” She made the suggestion.

“Yeah, I wanna go and find out how bad of a lecture Kyra got,” You smirked mischeviously at Kim before you both exit the lobby in search for your troublemaker partner, “Race you to the lifts. Last one there is a rotten egg!”

© scribblesofagoonerr

If you like this then please leave you support and leave me a tip 🫶🏼

[i-dont-even-know-anymore976]

my spine split from carrying us up the hill (i’m just getting colour back into my face)

a buddie relationship breakdown fic | 21.8k

tags: buck pov, buck centric, established relationship, break up, cheating, sad buck, emotional/psychological abuse, unhealthy relationship, eddie diaz bashing, 118 bashing, (tho i think it’s more critical but for the filters), season 7 au, in an au where buddie got together after the shooting, Relationship Breakdown, Buck & Ravi Friendship, anti buddie, No Beta We Die Like Bobby Nash, (doesn’t in this fic)

It took Buck a moment to process what he saw before him.  Eddie — his arms wrapped around some woman. His face buried in her neck and his fingers brushing her skin.  The other man’s eyes widening, his face going pale as he realised they’d been caught.  Buck barely heard Eddie gasp Chris’s name — the boy motionless next to him as they stared at a ghost.  At Shannon.  At Chris’s mother — who Buck knew was dead.  Had been to the funeral and seen them both through the messy aftermath. Had helped this child mourn once and already knew he’d have to do it again.  Or: What if it was Buck instead of Marisol

in a surprise to everyone — and most of all me — i’ve actually written something ?? for the first time in like three years ?? wild

tbh i think that scene in 8.17 just reaffirmed everything i'd been slowly realising about buddie and why they could never work and it somehow manifested itself as this 😅

anyway - a lil excerpt for you all xx

He regretted it as soon as the dial tone sounded. Had let his thumb hover of the name — debating — for more than a few seconds before giving in to the urge to press call.

And yet — as soon as it actually started ringing — he knew he shouldn’t have done it.

That he was fine. That he was being dramatic, once again.

But he also knew he couldn’t just hang up. That it would create a panic — force them to call back — to ask questions.

“Doctor Copeland’s office,” it was a new receptionist. Her voice melodically neutral as she answered the phone, “May I ask who’s calling.”

Buck stumbled over his words for a second, before rushing to explain, “Uh — don’t worry. It was an accident.”

“Are you sure… Mr Buckley?” She drew out the question as if reading the name off a screen and Buck cursed whatever Caller ID system the psychologist’s office employed that still recognised his number.

Her tone more concerned as she asked again, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah — yeah, of course.” He felt almost breathless as the lies left his lips, “Just a wrong number. Pressed the wrong person by mistake. Sorry for any trouble.”

“Okay — then,” she sounded doubtful. “Well, we’re here if you ever need us, Mr Buckley. Don’t hesitate to ring back now. Okay? I know Doctor Copeland would be more than happy to fit you in.”

“Yeah—” he agreed half-heartedly. Desperate to get off the phone before he did something stupid like actually ask for an appointment.

Knowing it was pointless. That he was fine.

“Have a nice day then.”

He finally freed himself from the conversation. Heart racing like it usually only did when he’s had to run up six flights of stairs in full turn outs.

He forced himself to drop his phone onto the counter — hands shaking as he thought about reaching for it again — and made himself walk away instead.

Looked around the kitchen desperately for something to do and was relieved to spot the small stack of dishes from the night before.

They usually did them together. Buck drying as Eddie washed — accused of almost flooding the kitchen one too many times before Eddie had finally relegated him to the less dangerous of the tasks.

They’d been too tired the night before. Exhaustion dragging them towards bed and leaving the dishes to wait until the morning.

It had been happening more and more lately. Truthfully Buck couldn’t remember the last time they’d shared their little ritual. Meals eaten in a rush as they raced out the door to work — whoever drew the short straw and got home first left to do the tidy up.

At least if Buck didn’t end up eating alone. Eddie always out these days — the friendship he'd struck up with Tommy keeping him gone until late whenever they had the day off.

Chris, even more sociable than his father. Forever at a friend’s house, or out with the girl that he swore to Buck wasn’t a budding romance. Swindling invites for sleepovers through charm and good humour that a young Buck could never have dreamed of emulating.

Always clinging just a little too tight for people to ever really settle in his presence.

It left him alone most nights. At least the ones he didn’t spend at the firehouse, revelling in the thrum of activity. Instructions from Bobby as they cooked, Chim and Hen’s quiet rivalry as they wrestled for control of the TV remote.

Eddie sitting next to him in the engine — their legs brushing they were sat so close. Sometimes it felt like the most intimate they ever were anymore.

Never mind the way they’d clung to each other having rescued Bobby and Athena. Buck pressing into bruises to leave them there a little longer. To remind himself that Eddie had chosen him, that he loved him.

Not that he needed the reminder.

Buck knew that. Intrinsically. He did.

Read on AO3

[mish-thi]

Mamma Mia ♪

Context - you decide to watch mamma Mia with sylus going in blind just to end up with one more comfort movie and a lot more love for your boyfriend (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠) SFW

Authors note - this is my first time ever writing a fic so please excuse any mistakes (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) , i hope you like it !!

════════════════════════════

'I can't believe this is how they are going to end it...but goddddd this was good'

His eyebrows raised the entire time , watching you spin through 50 emotions in an hour. Or two

"Oh now do you love the movie so much ? After All this crying kitten and the jittery laughs and semi- breakdowns?"

His hand which rested around your shoulder now held a bit more tightly as he watched you , amused and interested but confused with all your blabbering

" We just might need a lifeboat in here "

'Oh please, I only cried once alright it wasn't even a full blown cry"

"Oh ? The handkerchief in your lap shows otherwise"

You both looked at it for a second realising it's almost see through now with all your crying and blowouts...

.......................……

You huff a bit throwing your head back

" Aaauuuggghhhhhh , fineee I cried a bit but you know me and my want to cry when I see a friendly- no normal mother daughter relationship"

Your voice ; a bit quiet now .... like reminiscing the emotions you felt a few minutes ago as they almost come alive again in your mind.

"It's just something in me that misses the me's that i could have been sylus, the wonders i could have had , but ..."

He watches you calmly, not interrupting or finishing your sentences, just with the kind of steadiness that makes your heart ache a little less , like his expressions already screaming,

'i am here...'

'i understand, I understand it all...'

And as you stare at each other in silence, only now that he pulls you in on his lap and hugs you tight do you realise that you have come to have it all , with him and even if you did lack something he will make it happen either way .

And with silence you rest.... at least for 2 seconds until-

"......but seriously we need to go to Spain or italy or where ever they shot the mov-

"Sweetie , we can alwa-"

"No no like listen to me , you leave your job and take all the money you have saved to open a resort and we run it like a family business , think about waking up to the sea each Morning and going to the beach, wearing sundresses, taking cute pictures and watching the sunset together for our entire life"

His expression now softened as love and admiration reflects in his eyes ,a playful smile adoring his face.

"and what about spiders ? The dust that would be there all the time ? 2 weeks in and you would be begging me to take you back sweety"

"Now that I see there will be a lot of humidity ......"

"And what about mephisto, now that poor fellow won't survive such drastic conditions "

"Hmmm.. "

"And your job , are you willing to let go of your duty yet , miss hunter"

He says as he taps your nose.

His smile deepens, touching his eyes, when he catches that 'genuinely-trying-to-think-hard' look on your face.

"You know what scratch that , I love air conditioning more ! so I am sticking here"

Your playfulness enticing a rich laugh from sylus .

But his eyes glimmer with mischief now , moving closer to your ears as his hand move with purpose up your thigh....that honey dipped voice bare against your neck.

"But if you slip into that red set, kitten, I just might change my mind—and yours too."

-ˋˏ✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Hi lol idk if you guys liked it or not , I wrote this high on emotions something very out of my comfort zone ....and it's very patchy so please forgive that but ya ! I am learning, I might post another one if I am in the mood !!

BUT PROBABLY NOT 🚫

Thank you for reading it !! (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[johanna-swann]

You know, I get that Eddie was annoyed with Buck over going full passive-aggressive remarks / petty mode, I get that he was probably trying to convince himself the move to Texas is a good idea when he was talking to the potential renters, I get that even if Buck didn't scare off those renters on purpose it was still a serious problem for Eddie.

But. He also said a whole lot of bullshit, really hurtful bullshit about some of Buck's worst fears and insecurities. And while Buck did everything and I do mean everything by the end of the episode to make it up to Eddie - apologising, calling out his own bad behaviour, admitting the insecurities it all stemmed from, renting Eddie's house himself, telling him he was of course right to do whatever he can for Chris and organising a farewell team dinner as a gesture of goodwill to top it off - Eddie did fuck all. He barely admitted that he isn't in love with the idea of leaving LA and that was it.

I didn't expect him to grovel or get on his knees and thank Buck for his generosity (that's ridiculous), but he didn't acknowledge that he behaved badly at all? What he did was dig his grave deeper. Instead of saying "I didn't mean that thing you overheard" or "of course you matter too, but I don't feel like I have a choice here" he went the opposite direction and accused Buck of spying and trying to get Eddie to pick him over Christopher??? Eddie sweetheart, I know repression is your middle name and you can get tunnel vision because of that, but holy fuck. You're acting like an arsehole. Get some perspective man.

(Elaboration on that tunnel vision thing under the cut.)

On the one hand I'm tempted to blame this on the overall shit writing for season 8, but this kind of has precedent going back many seasons. When Eddie maneuvers himself into a tight spot, he represses his doubts, puts on his blinders and doubles down on the path he chose.

He did it when he started hanging out with Kim last season, never thinking about what the hell he was doing and only told Kim the truth / decided to stop seeing her after he was confronted by Buck. He didn't think about how insane that situation was, how it wasn't fair to Kim, how (even if he was only trying to be her friend, nothing more) he still lied to Marisol to sneak around with a woman he didn't want her to know about, how this could blow up in his face if Chris got wind of it. And then it did blow up in his face and he expected Buck to fix the tension with Christopher for him "like he always does". He did admit he fucked up and he is making something of an effort to repair his relationship with Chris, but he still isn't in therapy, still doesn't talk about Shannon and still does only what he thinks is right instead of asking literally anyone for advice.

During season 5 he distanced himself from the team, refused to talk to Buck about how he was doing because "he has moved on and so should Buck", quit his job basically over night, his mental health worsened and he only stopped charging ahead blindly when he had a major breakdown. I'm not blaming him for this per se, mental illness is a bitch, but it is another example for a well established pattern of behaviour.

Season 4 and 5, he's in a relationship with Ana and he doesn't love her, but she's a nice girl and a good girlfriend who gets along well with his son, this is what he is supposed to do, right? It is Buck who has to sit him down and tell him to maybe consider Ana's feelings, how shitty she must feel or will feel when she realises how invested she is in a relationship with a man who doesn't love her.

Season 3, the "divorce arc" / fight club era. Buck didn't sue Eddie personally. He sued the boss who unrightfully kept him from his job and the institution he worked for. He had lost his job, was probably hanging out 80% less with his entire social circle than before the bombing, had almost died twice and was still recovering. This had nothing to do with Eddie personally and yet Eddie got majorly pissed. Didn't even try to see Buck's perspective. And personally I don't think Buck should've sued. I think he should've gone to the union or tried talking to Bobby again or at least get one of their mutual friends in on this to get their advice (Hen or Chim maybe). But Eddie while in a rough spot himself went full tunnel vision again and put all of the blame for basically everything that sucked about the situation for him on Buck. Who later apologised unlike Eddie who only gratiously forgave Buck.

Season 2 Eddie had an affair with his wife who he was separated from at the time while refusing to let her see their child. He treated her like a dirty secret, had her sneak out the back door, only contacted her to begin with because he needed something from her. He eventually started being nicer to her and they started spending time as a family again, but Eddie did all of this with his "this is how it's supposed to be" goggles on. She was his wife, they had a kid together, this is the path they're supposed to take. No other options to be considered. Even 6 years later he still hasn't really accepted that Shannon didn't want to be his wife anymore and he ignored his Shannon complex for years.

This is a well established pattern. When Eddie has decided that he is in the right and that his plan is the best one then he sticks to it no matter what, he stops considering other opinions and will trample over other people's feelings in the process.

Not saying he isn't overall a kind person who wants to do right by other people, but he has this particular flaw and for someone who expects his best friend to always have his back no matter what he sure neglects reciprocating that sentiment a lot.

[effloradox]

Means To An End

pairings: hitachiin twins x gn!reader, ohshc x gn!reader

summary: tensions are running high in the host club when the twins start to fight over a comment made by Haruhi. as their best friend, everyone expects you to have the answers but when you failed to notice any tension between the two of them, you’re left wondering if you don’t know them as well as you thought.

notes: set during episode 1.05 (the twins fight), works in the same verse as We Want You Here but is fine as a stand-alone fic too

word count: 2.2k

There’s trouble in the air. You’d say you can smell it, but with all the rose bouquets scattered around Music Room 3 it’s hard to get away from the floral smells that all your friends, hosts or otherwise, are perpetually laced with. Yesterday had been normal as far as you could tell, even if you had left school early for an appointment, but when the twins’ car had arrived at your home to pick you up to take you to school you’d been surprised to see them sporting new hair colours.

“Should I be worried about that?” The two of them raised an eyebrow in unison before your eyes drifted up to their hair. You couldn’t deny that the blue and the pink suited them really well but they’d never expressed an interest in dyeing their hair before. Not to mention how much their mother loves their natural hair colour. To dye it on a whim with no deeper purpose would be seen as a crime in her eyes. Yuzuha Hitachiin is not a woman to cross, you don’t want to think about the arguments had over this new development in the twin’s appearance. They exchange one more glance between themselves before Kaoru finally answers your question.

“It’s a means to an end.” You take a few moments to mull over the vagueness of his words, staring hard at the blue, before replying.

“Am I going to be dragged into the middle of it?”

“We’d prefer it if you didn’t.” At Hikaru’s words, the tension in the car seems to evaporate and you finally relax into your seat. You drop your bag onto the seat next to you, smoothing a crease in your uniform.

“Suits me just fine.” The rest of the journey is filled with small talk and petty gossip, just the way you like to spend your morning journey to Ouran. By the time the three of you have arrived at school you’re almost used to their new looks.

It takes until your lunch period for you to actually find out the reason for the twins’ weird behaviour. Your involvement in various clubs and extracurriculars had kept you busy and away from your friends aside from shared classes where you’d been too busy studying for upcoming exams to pay attention to your idiotic best friends. You finally had a moment of peace on your way to the dining hall when a commotion drew your attention. The pink and blue hair makes it incredibly easy to identify the twins and you can only watch in mild horror at the food fight that has broken out between the two of them. You’d been more than content to turn on your heel and head back where you came from when a foreign pair of arms grab you, pulling you down a corridor not far from the dining hall.

“I demand you tell me what’s going on with those shady twins!” It takes you a few beats to realise that it’s Tamaki that pulled you away. You’re more than used to being manhandled by the twins but Tamaki doesn’t seem like the type to do so unprompted to anyone but Haruhi. When Kyoya appears in front of you as well, you begin to suspect maybe he put the Host Club King up to the mild kidnapping he’s just committed.

"I have no idea Tamaki-Senpai.” Your words send the blonde into a predictable fit of despair and it becomes clear to both you and Kyoya that he will no longer be an active part of this conversation. The two of you are more than used to tuning out Tamaki’s breakdowns so it’s easy to pick up the conversation without his involvement.

“It’s in your best interest to tell us everything you know (Y/N).”

“They told me not to get involved. I’ve learned to trust them when they say that.” You can tell your answer hasn’t pleased the megane but you can’t really find it in yourself to care much. If the twins told you not to get involved, you’re more than happy to let whatever this is blow over without it affecting you as well. Since you’re not a host and whatever they’re doing doesn’t affect your classes together you’re more than happy to watch from the sidelines. If it truly is just a means to an end like Kaoru said it was, you can’t imagine whatever they’re doing will last longer than a day or two. “I’ll see you both at the club after class for my usual appointment.”

It’s only when you’ve started to walk away that Kyoya responds to your statement in a monotone voice that somehow feels more calculated than usual. “If things continue the way they have been, we might be unable to fulfil your usual appointment. We’re down a pair of loving brothers you see.” You stop walking at his final words, turning on your heel to face him.

“What do you mean?” Your question, plus the blank look that appears on your face, instantly brings Tamaki out of his fit as he looks at you with an expression you can’t quite read. You place it somewhere between bewildered and perplexed but there’s another part of it that you find yourself disliking.

“Haven’t you heard? Hikaru and Kaoru are fighting.” It almost feels like the world stops spinning for a few moments as you process Tamaki’s words. The problem is that the world starts spinning again and you can almost feel the system error taking place in your mind as you wait for the blonde to tell you he’s joking. When Tamaki doesn’t rescind his sentence you feel the first prickle of anxiety starting in the back of your mind.

“They don’t fight.” Tamaki merely blinks at you owlishly.

“They’ve been fighting since yesterday. It started at the club.”

"If they were fighting, I would know."

“Is it possible that you don’t know them as well as you thought?” Part of you knows that Kyoya doesn’t mean his question to sound as harsh as it does but it still stings somewhere deep inside you.

The twins might not have fully opened up to the host club yet but you know them. There’s no way they could be fighting; there’s no way you could’ve misread the car journey that badly to miss some sign that there was disharmony between them. They’re never fought in all the years you’ve known them.

“I’ll guess we’ll find out after classes are over.” Your tone sounds more defeated than you’d care to acknowledge and you’re quick to turn away from the two hosts before you spot any kind of pity growing in their expressions.

It’s almost a relief when your free period starts and you can spend your time as you wish. Normally you’d seek the twins out, or vice versa, but something about your earlier conversation with Tamaki and Kyoya is replaying in your mind and the idea of sitting and stewing in a crowded library sounds like the worst thing on earth. You find yourself walking through the grounds of the academy, hoping some fresh air and sunlight will do something to improve your mood. It almost works until you hear a loud shout from behind you.

“Hey! (Y/N) wait!” You start to quicken your pace when you hear two sets of footsteps coming up behind you but it’s not long before Hikaru and Kaoru catch up to you. They come to a stop a few paces behind you, waiting for you to turn around and face them. The bright colours of their hair make you feel sick.

“What gives?”

“Yeah, why’d you ditch us?”

“I don’t know what you’re doing, but you need to wrap it up soon.” It’s clear your comment isn’t what the twins were expecting from you when they flinch back at your tone.

“What're you talking about?" You narrow your eyes at them.

“Your means to an end. Whatever the end is, I hope it’s worth it.” The way the two of them look at each other when you speak sends a wave of irritation over you that you rarely feel towards your best friends. It feels like they're in on some joke that you've been left behind on and you don't enjoy the feeling.

"Don't be like that."

"Yeah, it's not a big deal." Hikaru's blasé tone does nothing to soothe your irritation.

"Kyoya seems to think it is. He also seems to think I don't know you well enough to notice that you're fighting." Your words get the first serious reaction from the twins as they look at you with an unreadable expression on their faces.

"When did Kyoya say that?" Hikaru's tone is cold and you can't tell whether that's directed towards you or Kyoya. Or both. Maybe both.

"During your little display at lunch. Him and Tamaki pulled me out of the dining hall to try and work out what the fuck is going on."

"He had no right to involve you."

"Yeah, it's none of their business."

"Actually it's entirely their business if it directly affects the host club. Which it seems like it has since Kyoya’s cancelling appointments.”

“It’ll be over soon, we told you.”

"I don't know why you're pretending to fight, but I want no part of it. You told me you didn't want me involved and I was fine with that but now I am involved and I want out."

"We didn't mean for this to happen to you."

"I know."

“We’re sorry.”

“…I know.” Kaoru is the first to approach you, waiting for your reaction. When you don't take a step back, he approaches and pulls you into a hug. His brother is quick to follow and the three of you spend the next few moments entwined in silence. You listen for their breaths and even your breathing so that you're all in sync.

Their synchronicity is an ability that is as innate to them as breathing and it always feels special when they let you in for moments like this. It's only when your breathing is completely in line with theirs that you begin to untangle yourself from their arms. The events of the day feel like they’ve hit you with full effect and you’re left feeling weary.

"I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow." The twins let you go without protest, the weight of their gaze heavy on you as you walk towards the main building of Ouran. After muttering some excuse about feeling unwell, it’s not long before you’re in your car on the way back home and it’s all you can do to put the events of the day behind you.

When you wake up the day after, you’re honestly not sure what to expect when one of your maids tells you that the twins' car has pulled up to take you to school. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, in fact it'd be more unusual if they didn’t, so it’s not hard to see that your maids are confused by your hesitancy to go to school. You climb into the car and sit in your usual seat, barely looking up at your companions as you grab your seatbelt and secure it. It’s only when you look away from the seatbelt that something odd about the energy in the car hits you.

It takes you a few seconds to realise why something feels off. They’ve switched colours. The weight of their eyes on you makes you shift in your seat and the seatbelt suddenly feels far too restrictive.

“Aren’t you worried about frying your hair if you keep changing it?” The smiles that appear on your friends' faces immediately settle your anxiety. If this was some test, you’ve definitely passed it.

“No one else noticed.” In a way, you’re unsurprised by that. The two of them pretend to be each other so frequently that you can only imagine their house staff have long since given up trying to work out who’s who.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel to give people a way to tell you apart only to pull the rug from under them by changing it immediately?”

“We don’t want everyone to know who’s who.”

“Yeah, it takes away from our mystique.” It’s a fair comment, one you can’t refute, but there still seems to be a gaping hole in their logic.

“Some people will still know.” You gesture to yourself as an example, watching as their smiles seem to get a fraction wider.

“Yeah.”

“You'll know.”

“Looks like you do know us well enough after all.” Hikaru’s words take you by surprise. The three of you have never been the type to be overly doting on each other and you’re not sure if you’re reading the situation right.

“You did this for me?”

“Of course!”

“Can’t have Kyoya thinking he knows everything, can we?” Hikaru’s words touch you in a way you don’t think you’d be able to put into words, and as soon as the moment is with you, it’s passed; as is usually the case with the twins.

“So! You missed the craziest love confession after school yesterday…” As Kaoru goes into a tirade about some poor girl who tried to confess to Haruhi, it’s all you can do to bask in the moment of harmony with the two of them.

A/N: I’m kind of obsessed with the concept of the twins having this long suffering friend figure in their life, I think it’s such a fun avenue to go down with Ouran fics.

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[thebenjiblackwoodexpress]

Devil's Snare part.5

Aemond Targaryen x reader

Description: Aemond introduces Y/N to his mother as his betrothed, much to the displeasure of Otto Hightower. The strength of their love for one another is tested by the whispers which spread throughout the court of the one-eyed Prince and his strange choice to wed his handmaiden. All the while, Aemond is insistent that Y/N meet Vhagar.

Previous part

Writer's note: I am so sorry this took so long! I had major writer's block and overthought the hell out of it. Its giving "started making it, had a breakdown, bon appetit" for the people who get that reference 😂. Also wanted to avoid HOTD content when the leaks happened. We finally get the wedding in this part so shout out to @ateliefloresdaprimavera this one's for you! Unsure whether you guys want this to continue into the dance of dragons plot, I might need to diverge from canon. I thought I'd do a Lord of the Tides part next as a test run.

Warnings: female reader, canon typical misogyny, slut shaming, Granny Vhagar (in the flesh this time), sexual innuendo but no smut (sorry, I just don't read it so don't think I could write it well), lengthy as always.

Y/N felt nervous butterflies fluttering against her ribcage as Aemond led her along the halls of the Red Keep to his mother's chambers, grounded only by the feel of his hand wrapped around hers. It was all she could do to keep putting one foot in front of the other, so anxious was she of the Queen's response to her son's decision to marry her, a mere handmaiden. But she could not bear to hold Aemond back any longer, not when his face glowed with such happiness. Besides, she did not think he'd allow her to go back on her word now she'd promised herself to him. He'd all but taken her breath away with the force with which he'd kissed her and grabbed her hand to pull her from his chambers almost immediately afterwards in his eagerness. She'd subconsciously halted where she stood, her thoughts panicked and frenzied as she realised the weight of her words and that Aemond really meant to waste no more time in informing his mother, the Queen herself. Aemond, however, was all too impatient to marry the girl he loved. 

Stopping as he felt her hand go limp in his he turned to her, assessing the panic on her face. Suddenly taking hold of her waist, he pulled her against him so that their bodies seemed to melt into one another, causing Y/N to blush a furious shade of scarlet as she felt the contours of his body against hers. Aemond smirked, always pleased he was able to have such an affect over her. "I'm afraid my patience has been entirely spent, my love. I can tarry no longer in making you my wife. I will carry you to my mother's chambers if I must." His hand tightened around her waist, not enough to hurt but enough to make her gasp as she realised he may actually be serious. Strengthening her grip on his hand, she stuttered out a semblance of a response. "That will not be necessary, My Prince." Aemond's eyebrows shot up at that. "I am no longer just Aemond to you?"

Y/N's blush deepened at her blunder, hoping she hadn't offended him in her state of nervousness. "I am sorry, my love. It just slipped out."

Aemond's face softened and he lightly trailed a hand across her face. "You have not called me that before." Y/N realised he was right. Aemond was so free with his affections, with terms of endearment, but this seemed to be the last layer of intimacy she had struggled to breakthrough. Y/N looked down, somewhat ashamed that she had been so slow to offer Aemond the love he gave so freely in return, feeling strongly that she did not deserve him. Her chin was tilted upwards by a gentle hand as Aemond brushed his lips against hers, the ghost of a kiss. "It matters not what you call me, only call me yours and I should be content." Y/N felt such a strong surge of love for Aemond in that moment, in light of his understanding of her difficulty expressing affection and his unfaltering patience with her nonetheless. She felt her nerves dissipate a little, and grabbing his hand more resolutely she led them from his chambers herself.

Aemond had been pleased Y/N had gone willingly, he had not been jesting when he told her he'd carry her to his mother's chambers. He knew that she loved him and it was only the opinions of others that concerned her, and Aemond could no longer allow such unfounded fears to delay their union. He wanted her and by the grace of the Seven she wanted him too. That was all that mattered to him now, and he was prepared to fight for the girl he loved, from any opposition they may face. Aemond strode purposefully towards his mother's chambers, having no care for the lateness of the evening, but slowed as he felt Y/N's grip loosen oncemore, looking back to see her tailing behind him. Sighing, he lowered his torso to meet her eyes. "Y/N I will put you over my shoulder. Unless you have decided you will not have me after all?" He hated the tinge of insecurity that laced his voice.

Y/N looked up at him, her eyes wide with alarm. "That is not what I want. I wish to be your wife. I am only frightened of meeting your mother."

Aemond took hold of her elbows. "I assure you there is nothing to fear. She will love you in time as I do. I will not allow anyone to come between us."

"You sound so certain."

Aemond shot Y/N a roguish grin. "You can depend upon it. Come now." Reclaiming her hand he pulled them down the final corridor which led to his mother's chambers, addressing his mother's sworn protector before they'd even reached the end of the hall. "Ser Criston, I would speak with my mother."

Ser Criston's eyebrows pulled into a confused frown as his eyes flitted between the Prince's serious expression and the hand which clasped his handmaiden's. "The hour is late, my prince. Her grace is presently engaged with the Hand of the King."

Aemond startled slightly before schooling his features into a mask of calm, not wishing to alarm Y/N any more. He had not expected to contend with both his mother and Otto Hightower this night, but it mattered little. He had no intention of backing down on the matter of his marriage to Y/N, whatever the opposition.

"It is no matter Cole, my mother will be gladdened by the news I bring her."

Aemond was not certain of this fact, but he assumed an air of self-assurance nonetheless as he released Y/N's hand to pat Criston on the shoulder, pushing the door to his mother's chambers open.

His mother's eyes snapped up to him as he entered, Y/N shuffling in behind him whilst lightly clutching onto his tunic. He discreetly reached behind him to take hold of her free hand, hoping to provide her some degree of comfort. His mother looked flushed as if she had just been shouting and his good eye immediately sought out the object of her distress, landing on his grandsire Otto whose expression was one of irritation. Aemond narrowed his eyes at the scene before him, clearly he had interrupted an argument. He loved his mother and had never forgotten how she had been the only one to speak up for him and defend him on driftmark when he had lost his eye. Fixing Otto with a stern glare he returned his gaze to his mother. "Mother, I wish to introduce you to my betrothed. I have asked Y/N to marry me and, happily, she has agreed to become my wife." Aemond spoke with finality, he would not prevaricate or draw this out any longer than he needed to. An eery silence followed for an agonisingly long time before Alicent rose to meet Aemond, hands reaching out towards him. He regretfully released Y/N's hand to take his mother's proferred hands. She spoke softly as if to a young child who needed to be coaxed away from doing something dangerous. "Aemond, she is your handmaiden."

"She was my handmaiden, she is my lady now."

Alicent shook her head and closed her eyes, as if when she opened them again the image of Aemond and his handmaiden would only have been a figment of her imaginings. When she opened them and observed her son's determined expression, she blanched. "Aemond, you cannot mean to marry a servant. You are a Prince of the realm and you know it is your duty to marry for the benefit of the crown. I'm sure your handmaiden is lovely, but she is not a suitable marriage prospect."

Aemond's own tone sharpened. He misliked his mother talking as if Y/N was not standing right behind him, her own hand tightening on his tunic.

"Mother, I did not come to argue with you. The matter is settled. I love her and will marry no other. Would you deny me this happiness I have been fortunate enough to find, after all I have lost?" Aemond began to hope his mother was losing her resolve as her eyes softened, one hand reaching up to cup his cheek. But it was at that moment that Otto hightower broke his silence. "Will you truly entertain this nonsense Alicent?"

Then turning to Aemond, "Are you so foolish boy? Or have you got the girl with child? There are other ways of dealing with this than sullying your title with a marriage to a low born girl." Alicnet had to push against Aemond's chest as his face contorted in anger, taking a step forward towards his grandsire. He practically snarled in response. "I will not suffer insults to my betrothed or allow you to taint her honour with your vile assumptions."

Otto's anger only rose to match Aemond's as he shouted back at him. "It would be an embarasment for your family, for your House, for the crown itself. Do you care for nothing but your own base desires, boy?"

Aemond's voice was dangerously low and seething. "My love for Y/N is pure, there is nothing base about it. I'll thank you to watch your words, grandsire. I intend to serve my House dutifully with Y/N at my side. Am I not our House's strongest sword? Do I not ride the largest and most ancient dragon in the world?"

Seemingly writing Aemond off as a lost cause, he looked around the Prince to the girl cowering behind him. Perhaps she might be swayed to sense.

"Girl, you must know that this would be a disastrous match for the realm. I am sure you must feel something for the Prince. Would you not then see him ascend to his rightful position and marry for the good of the realm?

The girl's face turned disconsolate. Aemond lost his composure entirely, brushing past his mother and advancing on his grandsire, each word laced with venom. "Do not speak to her as if she were just an object to be dispensed with when it is no longer of use."

Otto's eyes flitted back to the girl, ignoring his nephew's attempts at intimidation. He was sure Ser Criston would intervene if it came to violence.

"What will you take to renounce this farcical pact? A girl like you should want for security, the path you tread will offer you only strife and judgement. Will you take coin, jewels, an elevated position perhaps?"

He watched his nephew's reaction closely for any sign he would strike, coiled as he was like a viper.

Instead, he saw his nephew's face crumple and his good eye widen. Mayhaps he feared the girl would take him up on his offer.

Looking back to the girl, Otto was startled by the fierceness of the glare she now levelled at him. She'd only seemed a timid creature moments before, easily malleable to his will. She took determined steps forward until she stood next to Aemond, taking his hand in hers. Looking steadfastly up at Otto, she spoke for the first time with an air of confidence he had not expected from her. "I love Prince Aemond and I will not abandon him, whatever you offer me." His nephew's face softened as he gazed down at the girl, perhaps he had not expected such a reaction from her either. Before Otto could incite Aemond enough to strike him, Alicent intervened. "Aemond, we will discuss this further tomorrow. I will have separate chambers prepared for Y/N. She cannot be permitted to continue in service as your handmaiden if these are your wishes. It would continue to raise questions." Alicent knew her son. He was determined and unlike to make a vow he did not mean.

Aemond smiled at his mother, pleased by her softened resolve, though she still looked unconvinced. "Very well Mother, thank you. I will see you on the morrow." Lightly pulling Y/N with him he quickly strode from the room, not stopping until they had passed along several hallways and were far from his mother's chambers. Halting without warning, Y/N almost bumped into him before he caught her, wrapping her up in his arms and leaning his head down to rest against her shoulder.

"Thank you, my brave girl."

Aemond had felt a deeper scar than the one he bore upon his face begin to heal over as Y/N had affirmed her love for him, standing up to the Hand of the King himself to remain at his side. He could not put into words how much her actions had meant to him, knowing how difficult it must have been for her to do so. He cursed himself for believing, just for a moment, there was a possibility of Y/N taking Otto up on one of his sordid offers, so used was he to being the second choice as the second son, and even then it was only Rhaenyra his father truly cared for. He knew how inherently good Y/N was, how she returned his love, and decided his faith would never falter again. Releasing his hold on her he slid his hand down her arm before interlocking their hands. "Come, I will walk you back to the servant's quarters for tonight. Tomorrow you will have more adequate chambers fit for a princess."

Y/N lightly swatted at Aemond's chest. "Aemond, it would scare the servant's half to death for a Prince to show up unannounced at this hour. Rumours will run rife. And I am no princess."

"I do not care, my love I wish to walk my betrothed safely to her door. Besides, you shall be my princess shortly and I wish you to be treated as such. I would shower you with jewels if you would allow it."

Y/N blushed, looking down at the ground. "I have no need of extravagant gifts, Aemond. You know I have always managed quite well with my room in the Keep and with less before that."

Aemond frowned, his heart dropping at the thought of the hardships Y/N must have faced whilst his every need was tended to in the Keep. "I do not like to think of you suffering any deprivation." Y/N squeezed his hand comfortingly. "It was not so bad, I was very lucky to secure a position in the crown's service at a young age."

Aemond tucked a tendril of hair behind Y/N's ear, smiling softly at her and humming as if in thought. "Well, if you will not take jewels, I will need to find another way to express my adoration for you, little one."

Aemond made good on his promise, and everyday a squire would arrive at Y/N's newly appointed chambers to deliver a bouquet of bluebells to her door. Y/N had no idea how Aemond was managing to get hold of so many bluebells, aware as she was that they did not grow within the grounds of Kings Landing, but she adored them and her heart fluttered at the Prince's thoughtfulness. He had heeded her previous rejection of jewels, but he sent her gifts he thought would be more acceptable to her instead; books he thought she might like to read, as thanks to him and Helaena this had become a favourite past time of hers, new gowns in the colours of his House, which made the prospect of their marriage feel more real to her, that she really would be his lady. But it was the flowers that made her feel closer to him as her abrupt change of circumstances meant she could no longer spend time with him alone in his chambers, and she missed him when he was attending to his duties during the day.

She would have been bored out of her mind if not for the company of Helaena who was only too happy to receive her as a sister. She spent the better part of her days in Helaena's chambers, either playing with the little Prince Jahaerys and his sister Princess Jahaera, or discussing her upcoming nuptials with the Princess Helaena. Aemond came to see her at least once a day when it was permitted in his sister's chambers, or she would come to watch him in the training yard. But she misliked the stares she received and found herself seeing Aemond less and less as a result. The Queen had tentatively consented to her marriage with Aemond, despite the Hand's open distate, but she had not spoken to Y/N since. She was all too aware how the Queen and her father saw her as a burden to the Prince, to House Targaryen. As such, the wedding was set to be a small affair, which suited Y/N's shy nature. Though she did hope that in time she might be able to bond with the Queen if she truly saw how happy she and Aemond were together. What mother would not wish their son to be happy?

Rounding a corridor on the way to Helaena's chambers, Y/N heard giggles and muffled whispers, halting in her tracks as she heard the repeated refrain of Aemond's name.

"The Prince Aemond...marrying his handmaiden."

"With child, surely?"

"It is a wonder she is not frightened of him with that scar."

"I could not do it."

"Perhaps no other ladies of the court could stand it?"

She struggled to discern the nature of the conversation between the three ladies of the court, only picking out bits and pieces at first. But when she pieced it together she felt her blood heat as outrage rose up within her.

Before she could think through her actions, Y/N stepped out from behind the wall which concealed her and stormed towards the three ladies who glanced up at the heavy tread of her steps. "You should not speak of the Prince in such a manner. Have you no shame, no respect for the Crown?" The lady closest to her scowled, shifting her raven hair over her shoulders as she upturned her nose at Y/N. "Who are you to presume you can dictate what we should or should not discuss? This is a private conversation."

Y/N was sure she must resemble Vhagar, though she'd never seen the she-dragon, with her own flames pouring forth from her in the form of her heated cheeks. "I am the Prince Aemond's betrothed you speak of. I will not allow you to sully the Prince's name with your false rumours or distasteful remarks about the scar he bears through no fault of his own." The raven haired lady's tone turned mocking then. "So you are the handmaiden then? How dare you talk to your betters this way? Know your place girl."

Y/N's fists clenched unconsciously. "My place is beside the Prince, or defending him from ignorant people like you who would insult him over something entirely out of his control. I must refute your cruel assumptions. The Prince is a noble warrior, a fierce dragon rider, and a dedicated scholar, deserving of your respect. Greater still, he is kind and a gentleman, and I do not fear him in the slightest. Any lady would be lucky to receive his affections and it is my good fortune that he has decided to bestow them on me, though I am but a lowly handmaiden as you say. This only speaks more to his character, that he is able to see past the physical appearance of things, unlike certain members of this court."

Chest heaving, her breath coming in short pants as she finished her tirade, Y/N glared at the three ladies, daring them to speak another word against Aemond.

The raven haired girl took a step towards her, a clear attempt at intimidation. "Be careful girl. You are not wed yet. Who knows how long you will have Prince Aemond's favour. The love of a Prince is a fickle, fleeting thing." When Y/N only continue to scorch her with her glare, the three ladies stalked away. Y/N could feel herself still trembling slightly in her anger at the insults levelled at Aemond. She had never stood up to anyone, her naturally timid nature and status as a servant did not lend themselves to such agency. Though she felt a sense of satisfaction in having done so in defence of the man she loved.

Alicent Hightower had been making her way to her daughter's chambers when she came across the odd sight of the girl, Y/N, squaring her shoulders and raising her voice to three ladies of the court. Shocked at first that she should be so brazen, she stepped forward to intervene, quickly relenting once she approached close enough to hear the nature of the girl's tirade. Instead, the Queen felt her heart warming to the girl as she heard her passionate defence of her son, beginning to understand the depth of Aemond's feelings for the girl. No one save herself had ever defended him so steadfastly. And Alicent could admit that even she had been somewhat lax in expressing her affections for Aemond. This girl clearly loved her son, unconditionally so, and Alicent could not but help to feel grateful to her for this fact. She loved all of her children and wanted them to feel safe and loved. The King barely took note of Aemond, no matter how hard he tried to embody the traits of a true Targaryen, whilst he revered Rhaenyra's plain featured bastards. It was an insult to all decency. In that moment, Alicent resolved to accept this marriage fully and try to bond with the girl, Y/N she reminded herself. Aemond deserved to be loved and she would defend his right to marry the girl should her father or husband express any further opposition.

Aemond was surprised to be summoned to his mother's chambers that evening, she spent the greater portion of her time with Helaena and rarely sent for him. Though he often wished she would show him more affectation as his mother. He grew concerned she wished to talk him out of his engagement with Y/N, already having tentatively expressed her apprehension to the match to no avail. He would not hear anymore on the matter if that were the case.

"Prince Aemond, your grace."

"Thank you Ser Criston."

Aemond entered his mother's chambers as Cole announced him, back ramrod straight and hands clasped behind his back.

Hi mother waited until Cole had shut the door behind him before taking both his hands in her own. "I wish to talk to you on Y/N, Aemond."

"Mother..."

"No, let me speak my peace. I wish only to tell you that I approve of your marriage to the girl and give you my blessing. I will defend your choice alongside you should the need arise again. Though I believe your grandsire has written it off as a lost cause and you well know your father's condition."

Aemond squeezed his mother's hands, hardly believing such a change could have come about so suddenly. "I thank you, Mother. May I ask what has prompted you to change your opinion on Y/N?"

Aemond felt the love he had always wished for from his mother as she smiled warmly up at him. "You'll be pleased to know your betrothed is not so timid as she seems. I came across her defending you quite passionately against three members of the court today. She would hear no insult to your name or your intentions towards her, and made her love and respect for you abundantly clear to the three ladies...and to myself. I confess myself greatly moved by her love for my son."

Aemond felt pride rise within him at Y/N's defence of him and his love grow for her if that were even possible. Taking his mother's hand to place a kiss upon her knuckles, he released her to go and thank his lady. "My heart is gladdened to hear of it mother, and grateful for the affect it has had upon your own. I will bid you goodnight now."

Y/N jumped at the sound of a knock at her chamber door. The hour was late and she had been preparing for bed. She was not entirely certain she should be opening the door in her night dress at this hour but did not wish to be rude if it were a matter of importance, a summons from the Queen herself even. Y/N had barely taken the lock of the latch and opened the door before she was unceremoniously crushed to Aemond's chest, shrieking as she was lifted into the air and spun until her back met the door as he quickly swung it closed, shushing her as he did so. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck reflexively, though she knew he would not drop her. "Aemond what in the Seven..?"

Aemond silenced her with a kiss that took her breath away as he continued to hold her against his body. Melting into his kiss, Y/N tangled her hands in his hair, not caring anymore for the abruptness of his greeting. Pulling away so they could catch their breath, Aemond gently set her down though he kept a hold on her waist. To Y/N, his face looked ethereal in the soft glow of the candle light as he smiled at her.

"I apologise for startling you, my love. I did not wish anyone to see me enter given the lateness of the hour."

Y/N was half dazed by Aemond's proximity and the tingling sensation on her lips from when he'd kissed her, but she willed herself not to just stand gaping at him. "And what brings you to my chambers at this hour?" Her tone was light and teasing. She had missed him and was glad he'd come to see her whatever his reason.

Aemond stepped closer towards Y/N before bringing his lips to her jaw. Y/N gasped softly, but pulled him closer to her instinctively as he kissed down her jaw and spoke against her skin. "I came to thank you for defending me. My mother spoke of it to me."

Y/N's eyes fluttered closed as Aemond began to kiss her neck but tried to maintain a degree of composure to respond to him. She had not been aware of the Queen's presence at the time. "I did not like to hear others speak badly of you. They do not know you as I do." Y/N lifted a hand to stroke his hair as Aemond hummed in response, planting a kiss against her clavicle just above the neckline of her night gown. Her eyes flew open as she realised for the first time that she was, in fact, only in her night gown and the situation was less than appropriate. Pushing Aemond back slightly by his shoulders she tried to keep her voice quiet so as not to alert anyone who might pass by to Aemond's presence in her chambers. "Aemond, I'm only in my night gown!"

Aemond looked confused that she had only just realised this. "I'm well aware, you look beautiful."

Y/N blushed scarlet. "That's not what I meant. But if we're seen together like this, people will think..." She trailed off, hoping Aemond would understand her concerns without her having to spell it out.

Aemond grinned at her. "I only wished to thank my lady for defending my honour. Having done so I shall depart forthwith. I will be discreet." He took Y/N's hand and pulled her with him as he quietly opened the chamber door, glancing around for any signs of movement. Quickly turning to bid his lady goodnight with a final peck on the lips, he shut the door behind him and hurried back to his own chambers, unable to contain his smile as the image of Y/N's flushed cheeks and hair mussed from his ministrations swam in his mind.

Y/N shivered as a cold breeze blew through the courtyard of the Red Keep, blowing whisps of hair into her eyes, which she quickly brushed away. Aemond had asked her to meet him that morning for she knew not what, but the presence of the horse being saddled by a young squire by the steps of the Keep entrance concerned her somewhat.

"Y/N"

At the sound of her voice she looked up to see Aemond taking the steps three at a time to meet her, immediately wrapping an arm around her waist to kiss her as he reached the bottom.

"Good morning, my love" He pulled back to smile at her, the biting cold of the crisp morning seemingly having no affect on his mood. She supposed the blood of the dragon spared him.

Placing a hand against his chest she realised she was right as heat seemed to radiate from him whilst she stood there shivering. "Good morning, Aemond."

Taking hold of the hand that was on his chest in both of his, Aemond began rubbing his hands up and down hers "Your hands are cold. We should head off while the skies remain clear." With that he began pulling her towards the horse, just as she'd feared. She'd never ridden before and could foresee embarassment just at the thought of mounting the horse. "And where are we going, Aemond?"

Without stopping Aemond called back to her over his shoulder. "To visit Vhagar. It is important to me that you become acquainted." Y/N blanched, she'd expressed her interest in dragons early on to Aemond, they were almost like gods to her, but also her fear of them...and Vhagar was the largest and fiercest of them all. Aemond had taken to mentioning Vhagar with increasing regularity to her and she should have realised this was inevitable. His grip on her hand was tight and carried with it a sense of finality. Sighing and accepting her fate, hoping the dragon wouldn't cook her on sight, she asked the other question that was on her mind.

"Why do we have need of a horse to see your dragon? The dragon pit is within walking distance, is it not?"

"Vhagar is too large for the dragon pit. She resides on the outskirts of the city."

Y/N gulped. Aemond was always so nonchalant about his fearsome dragon, as if she were a friend to him rather than a fire breathing beast. She could not be so calm about the danger.

As Aemond released her hand to take the reigns of the horse from the squire, she looked sceptically at the saddle. Before she could make a disastrous attempt at mounting the horse, warm hands lifted her by the waist onto its back. Aemond followed swiftly, positioning himself behind her.

Y/N blushed as Aemond reach around her to take the reigns, encompassing her in his arms as the horse broke into a canter. His breath tickled the hair by her ear as he leant his head on her shoulder. "Relax." She realised she had been sitting stiff as a board, tilted forward, and leaned more fully into him, her back pressing against his chest. She felt a sense of security in Aemond's arms, even as she want to meet a dragon, his warmth seeping into her.

Aemond smiled as he felt Y/N shift closer to him, basking in her proximity and how far they had come for her to be so comfortable with him now. He'd been bemused at the look on her face as she'd approached the horse, tentatively placing her smaller hand on the saddle. He doubted she had any or at least very little experience with horse riding. Lifting her up onto the horse himself and wrapping his arms around her to take the reigns, he thought to himself that he should have invented an excuse to do so long before.

They fell into a comfortable silence, broken only by Y/N's gasp as what she'd thought had been a huge mountain moved and lifted its head, seemingly sensing its rider's approach. Not a mountain...Vhagar.

"It is alright, Y/N. She will not harm you. I am here."

Bringing the horse to a stop a safe distance away from the she-dragon, Aemond jumped down before turning to lift Y/N down. Vhagar was looking inquisitively at them and Y/N feared she was wondering whether Aemond had brought her a snack, though she was also awestruck by the sight of a real dragon before her. "Stay here a moment, I will calm her before I introduce you."

With that he approached the large dragon as if she were only a small dog, speaking softly to her and patting her snout when he was close enough.

"Lykirri Vhagar, dohaeras."

Y/N felt her lips quirk up in an involuntary smile and her cheeks heat at the smooth, low tone of Aemond's voice as he spoke in High Valyrian. She had not heard him speak it before but found it unspeakably attractive. Y/N could not understand what Aemond was saying, but whatever it was seemed to have a calming affect on the she-dragon as she rested her head back on the ground, not even looking at Y/N anymore. She could not school her features before Aemond looked back at her, returning to her side and looking down at her questioningly. "I do so love to see you blush, might I inquire as to the cause on this occasion?"

Y/N wanted the ground to swallow her up at his directness, but as she began to turn from Aemond to hide her glowing cheeks, he only took hold of her elbow and turned her back towards him. "There is no need to be embarassed, Ñuha prūmia." As her blush deepened and she squirmed away from him realisation dawned on Aemond's face, and he graced her with a knowing smirk.

"Ah, I see."

Y/N felt the need to explain herself, but only managed to stumble over her own words. "It is only that I like to hear you speak in Valyrian, it has an elegance to it. I mean to say that I find the sound of your voice comforting. Wait, that sounds worse." Flustered she placed her head in her hands, hearing Aemond chuckle softly as he prised her hands from her face. "I am glad you like the sound of my voice, my darling, and I'll speak to you in High Valyrian more often if it should please you.

Brushing his hand over her blazing cheek he brought his face low to speak against her ear, his voice barely above a whisper.  "Iksā gevie, Issa jorrāelagon."

A shiver went down Y/N's spine, though she did not understand the meaning of the words. "What does it mean?"

Aemond pulled back, his smile widening at her physical reaction to his voice. "Do you truly wish to know?" Y/N narrowed her eyes in suspicion at the cunning glint in Aemond's eye, resolving to just ask Helaena later. She hoped it was not anything too crude. "I'm suddenly not so sure I do." Aemond patted her cheek affectionately before taking her hand in his. "Come then, I wish you to meet Vhagar. She is calm now. It is safe."

Interlocking their fingers, Aemond gently pulled Y/N towards Vhagar until she was close enough to touch the she-dragon. Pulling their joint hands up, he placed Y/N's palm on Vhagar's side. The Prince observed Y/N's face switch from one of trepidation to a look of of wonder as he smoothed their hands down the tough surface of Vhagar's scales. His dragon was not perturbed in the slightest, a relaxed hum reverberating through her as she huffed out soft tendrils of smoke.

He knew that Vhagar could feel the great importance the girl beside him held for Aemond, could feel his love for her, through their shared bond. And as such she would not harm her. But it warmed his heart to see the two great loves of his life interact. His bond with Vhagar had been the most important connection in his life before he met Y/N. She was his only friend, their bond with one another unequivocal, unbreakable. Introducing Y/N to Vhagar felt like baring the most essential parts of his soul to her. He hoped that Y/N might even agree to a ride with Vhagar in the future as she grew more comfortable with his dragon, and his heart raced with excitement at the prospect. There was no feeling like riding high in the skies, as if touching the heavens, nothing so pure as the trust between a dragon and it's rider. Aemond wanted to experience this with Y/N in time.

Y/N allowed the Queen to manage preparations for her wedding entirely, grateful there would only be a small wedding feast afterwards. The Queen had been nothing but warm and welcoming to her since she'd witnessed Y/N defending her son so vociferously. Y/N would be forever grateful to Helaena for teaching her the basics of dancing and only hoped she would not embarass herself too greatly, though she was excited at the prospect of dancing with Aemond. There was only one matter she had a strong opinion on, and that was her dress. One conversation with Helaena had convinced her that her dress should be blue. The Queen had seemed unsure at first, the common colour being white, but did not see the harm if Y/N was adamant.

Though Y/N was racked by nerves on the morning of her wedding, she was overjoyed by the way her dress had turned out. The soft midnight blue fabric and the golden detailing shifted elegantly as she moved, and Y/N thought it resembled the night sky. She only hoped Aemond would also like it. Butterflies erupted in the pit of her stomach as she faced the long expanse of the aisle of the Sept, her arm interlocked with the Prince Aegon's.

Aemond's brother had been surprisingly pleasant to her, despite his reputation for being somewhat of a menace at court, and had offered to walk her down since she had no surviving male relatives of her own to do so. Searching Aemond out, she felt her nerves settle somewhat at the sight of him, handsome garbed in his ivory tunic and with a soft smile upon his face as he took her in. Taking his hand in hers, Y/N felt a wave of calm rush over her at how their hands fit together, as if made for one another. Her feeling of contentment, of pieces falling into place, only intensified as they spoke their vows and Aemond placed a cloak embroidered with the colours of House Tagaryen over her shoulders.

The wedding feast itself passed with little ceremony, including only a small gathering of nobles. Aegon had sunk into his cups early into the evening and managed to make a fool of himself drunkenly pulling Y/N about the room in the semblance of a dance, insistent that he should "welcome his new sister into the family properly" before she was rescued by her husband. Her heart fluttered at the thought as she placed her hands on his shoulders and he pulled her close to lead her in the steps of the dance. Aemond did not much like to dance, but that night he did for Y/N and found he did not mind so much when it was his wife he held in his arms rather than the simpering noble ladies that had been thrust upon him at feasts before. As the hour grew late and Y/N felt herself growing overwhelmed under the watchful gaze of the courtiers, they made to retire to their chambers. Aegon had just barely spoken the words "bedding ceremony" before Aemond fixed him with a glare so fierce he immediately quietened and went back to his cups.

Shutting the doors to their shared chambers, his heart warming at the thought, Aemond's smile fell as he turned to see his wife anxiously wringing her hands and shifting from one foot to the other. He gently gripped her shoulders. "Are you well, my love?"

"I confess I am a little afraid." Realisation dawned upon him. It was not uncommon for ladies to be concerned about their wedding night, but he did not wish his wife to be.

"You needn't be. We do not have to do anything. I can just hold you."

Aemond's felt a surge of guilt at Y/N's still uneasy expression, he hated to think she felt she had to do anything she was not yet comfortable with out of duty. It was more than enough for him that she was now his wife. He wished her to understand that he would never force her, or pressure her for anything more than she would allow.

Gently taking her hand he purposefully pulled her away from the bed to the chaise in the centre of the room. "Come, sit and talk with your husband a while."

He hoped if he continued on as they normally would, Y/N would feel less nervous. Keeping hold of her hand in both of his he turned to her, mouth quirked up in a conspiratorial smirk. "You have been thoroughly inducted into House Targaryen now with all its foibles. I hope Aegon's fool hardy behaviour did not alarm you too much. I must warn you that I will not allow myself to be parted from you even if it did."

Aemond felt his heart warm at her laugh, hoping she was beginning to feel more comfortable. They talked for a while before Y/N suddenly quietened, her expression sheepish. Aemond squeezed her hand gently, concerned that his wife might be afraid of him by the way she was looking at him. Her next words quickly dispelled that thought. But they instilled in him a different fear entirely, causing him to stiffen as she tentatively raised a hand to brush against his cheek, along the strap of his eyepatch.

"May I see you without your eyepatch, husband?"

Aemond caught her wrist, halting her movements, his voice laced with an admixture of shame and fear he had carried with him since he had lost his eye. He had gained a dragon, the largest and fiercest in the world, but he had been irreparably maimed for it. It was an act of violence that had changed the way people looked at him ever since and he could not bear it if Y/N should look at him with disgust or horror, or shame. "It is an ugly thing, my love. Not for the faint of heart."

"It is a part of you, Aemond. I will not judge you for it. I wish only to look upon the face of my husband, who I love dearly."

Aemond closed his eyes briefly, trying to control the erratic beating of his heart as he sought a way to distract his wife from her current train of thought, to disway her from her wish to see what lay beneath his eyepatch. He did not know if he could part with this layer of armour, the fear of rejection palpable in the air between them.

"I do not know..."

Y/N cut him off before he could give his excuses.

"If you will not show me, will you tell me how it happened? If it is not too painful. I know that it was your nephew Lucerys who was to blame." Aemond was surprised by the biting tone of his wife's voice as she spoke the name of his nephew. But he was grateful for the escape she had offered him and so he told her everything. Of how he had so oft been an outcast, jeered at by his brother and nephews when his dragon egg failed to hatch. He told her of how they'd mocked him with the promise of a dragon, only to present him with a pig. He told her of how he'd tried to offer his nephew Jacaerys comfort upon the death of Harwin Strong, of how he'd been rebuked and sought out Vhagar. How he'd claimed the largest dragon in the world, and how he'd lost an eye for it.

All the while Y/N stroked the side of his face, his hair, her eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowing at each painful memory Aemond recalled. When he'd finished, she pulled him to her, his head coming to rest in the crook of her neck. "I hate that you have suffered so much at the hands of those who should love you. I wish I had been there for you." Aemond felt his heart seize, unused to such care, such devotion to his well being. "I do not wish to distress you, my wife. I am perfectly content now."

Y/N huffed. "I always want you to feel comfortable telling me about these parts of yourself Aemond. I would like a word with your nephews though" she grumbled out under her breath. Aemond let out a hearty laugh at that, clutching his wife tighter to him "Perhaps it is not Vhagar my enemies should fear, but my fearsome, protective wife. I have long since forgiven Lucerys, it is his lack of punishment that has always pained me, rather than the act itself."

Y/N pulled away from him to look into his face, cupping his cheek where his eyepatch rested. "Then you are a better man than most."

As gratitude for his wife's care washed over him, Aemond felt that he did not need to hide from Y/N anymore, that it might be a relief for her to see him as he truly was without the fear of her reacting negatively. She had not judged him at any moment for his scar or as he told her of the misfortunes of his childhood. Had she not been the one to mend the very eyepatch he now wore upon his face the day they had met, knowing what it meant to him? He trusted her fully, and would show her as much.

"I do not mind if you wish to see it, my love." Taking strength from the warmth of his beloved's hand he placed both their hands atop the strap of his eyepatch and slowly removed it from his face, leaving only the sapphire where his eye should have been. He closed his good eye, not wishing to see his wife's initial reaction, aware the sight was ghastly and harrowing for most. The soft touch of her fingers down the line of his scar grounded him, reassuring him that she was not disgusted with him. She did not despise him.

"It is beautiful, Aemond."

Aemond snapped his eye open, looking at Y/N as if she'd lost her mind. "Beautiful? I expected you to shriek or faint at the sight of it. You are always surprising me Y/N."

"I think every part of you beautiful, the sapphire compliments you well. Why did you think I had a blue dress made? It is not the common colour for a wedding gown."

"You had your dress made to match me?"

Aemond spoke slowly, each word latent with barely repressed emotion.

Y/N nodded eagerly. "Yes, Helaena told me of your sapphire. I know it is not common knowledge but I thought it might please you."

Moved by his wife's sweet gesture, Aemond pulled her towards him so she was halfway in his lap, one hand holding her head to his chest.

"I worried you would hate me for it, that you would come to regret tying yourself to a man with such a deformity when you are perfection itself."

Y/N pulled back from him then, all seriousness as she considered how best to show Aemond that his scar did not make him any less in her eyes, that she love all of him.

"I could never hate you, and it does not frighten me. If anything I only love you all the more for allowing me to see you this way, for trusting me. And as to me being perfect, I assure you it is only you who thinks so and I most certainly am not."

Leaning over Aemond, Y/N placed a trail of kisses along the length of his scar, pulling away to rest her hand on his cheek. "You will always be the most handsome man to me. My brave husband."

Y/N lowered herself from her position leant over him until she was straddling Aemond, his hands moving to her waist to keep her secure as he gazed up at her in awe. Bringing her lips to his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself as close as she could to him. In the comfort of his arms and with the feel of his lips on her, Y/N realised she had never felt so safe, so seen with anyone as with Aemond, and her previous worries dissipated. She parted her lips, allowing Aemond to deepen the kiss, before reaching one hand down to take hold of Aemond's.

He did not oppose her as she moved it from her waist to place it on her collarbone, slowly moving it down her chest until it rested over her breast. She heard Aemond's breath hitch but steeled her courage as she continued to move her lips against his, all the while trailing his hand down her torso, her hip and finally her thigh. Aemond pulled away from her then to look into her eyes, seemingly searching for any doubt. "Are you sure, my heart?"

Y/N had never been so sure of anything in that moment as she was of her love for Aemond and his love for her. Bringing her hands up to his shoulders she pressed her lips to his forehead. "Yes."

Aemond smiled tenderly at her, his voice soft as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Avy jorrāelan." He knew that she would understand what that meant from the tone of his voice. Pressing her closer to him still, if that were possible, the prince crashed his lips against hers.

Valyrian translations:

Avy jorrāelan~ I love you

Iksā gevie~ You are beautiful

Issa jorrāelagon ~My love

Nuha prumia~ My heart

This might be the prettiest a man has ever looked. I was in shock your honour.

Also. How the fuck did he do this????!!!!

@zoetje2004 @jjkysnk @ieieibhibu8 @skymoonandstardust @truly-abysmal @idonotknowenglish @leonesimp @hyacinthesiss @nanawaffles @callsigncrushx @bitchyfestivalbouquet @void21 @sapphiresandferrari @pinkykats-place

@lportes-22

@superintenseart @youknownothingjohnwatson

@misspinkonmars @ateliefloresdaprimavera

[kerrslvr]

reward // mary earps

summary; in which, after she wins SPOTY, you give mary a reward like no other.

warnings; dom!mary, sub!reader, cocky mary, cunninlingus, fingering, mary loves to manipulate reader into saying i love you, strap-ons, grind pads, reverse cowgirl, spanking, daddy kink (blink and you'll miss it), nipple stimulation, fluff at the end. probably missed some warnings and probably made typos, sorry. also… take this as a christmas present. merry christmas u filthy lesbians x

pairing(s): romantic mary earps x scott!reader, platonic jill scott x sister!reader (r is about 24/25 in this… mary & jill are their current ages at the time of writing - 30 & 36 respectively)

based on this request x

"this is live on the BBC and you're wearing a dress with a slit that deep?"

the frown in jill's voice was clear as you stepped out of the taxi and into the chill of the manchester air, the immediate swarm of camera flashes turned your way.

"can tell you're getting old," you replied as you adjusted the skirt of your dress, "you're starting to sound like mum."

your oldest sister was not amused by her likening to your mother. shelly couldn't make it to the spoty ceremony, and seeing as most of jill's friends were going anyway, she'd invited you. originally, you'd been invited by the company you work for, but being a sports journalist in-training, they'd found someone more qualified than you to do the job; and jill didn't like that.

"just make sure your dress doesn't malfunction and cause headlines tomorrow," she said, waiting patiently for you to catch up as you scurried along beside her, "otherwise mam'll have a breakdown."

you shrugged your shoulders at your sisters worry, you weren't wearing the dress for her, or the cameras. there was only one person you were wearing it for, and you could see her in your peripheral vision, stepping out of her vehicle, dressed to the nines in what can only be described as a revenge dress on you.

she spotted you instantly, your pretty hair and your not-so-innocent eyes and the way they twinkled as they met hers across the carpet. your dresses almost matched, the gaping neckline, the peeks of skin through the lacy mesh, the long black skirt.

you had to fight your jaw so it didn't drop to the floor, and it seemed like everyone else around you also had to fight their urges. people screamed mary's name and you struggled to keep your composure as you and jill eagerly waltzed over to see her.

"i'm so proud of you," jill sqeaked eagerly as she wrapped her arms around mary's shoulders. the look she gave you when your sister wasn't looking almost let your knees give way. "and you look lovely."

"very similar to your sister, come to think of it, jill," mary pointed at your dress and scanned you up and down, "minus the obscenely high split."

you cursed mary with a knowing look before jill turned to compare. if she found out you and mary were frequent flyers in each others beds she would probably wring you out herself, let alone your mother.

"i was just about to compliment you, earps," you shrugged off her devilish eyes and knowing smirk, "but i think i'll just keep my mouth closed."

the two of them did press for a little while, and you watched from the sidelines, admiring mary's demeanor. you couldn't remember how long ago everything started between you and mary, although the euro's final was the first night you spent entangled between her sheets. you didn't even know you were into girls - let alone mary - when you first started sleeping together, and at first, that's all it was, until it wasn't.

she started picking you up from the station, inviting you to games, date night after date night, after date night. one morning things changed and you both realised there were painfully strong feelings of love underlying, but she was thirty and you were twenty five, and she was your sisters best friend, and you were a sports journalist. you both knew how bad it looked.

but, the feelings of love outweighed the feelings of lust, and that was the worst part.

"don't you fancy asking me some questions then, love?"

mary's voice lulled you from your daydream, and she met you in a less crowded corner of the carpet. you could see jill mingling with leah and jen, the three of them chatting politely while they waited for mary to finish up with her interviews - at least, thats what she told them.

"surely you've had enough of questions, mary."

she tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and let her hand rest on your shoulder. the heat from her skin on yours sent burning flashbacks rushing through your brain.

"maybe i have," she leaned down and tilted up your chin with her fingers. even without her heels on she towered over you, but with her heels on she was even taller, nearing six foot, and it made you squirm. "but i've not had a single question from the person i want to speak to."

you couldn't help but let a smile come to your face, and mary admired your fluttering eyelids, "and who might that be, earps?"

mary's thumb traced your lip, and you couldn't help but pucker your lips. "i think you know exactly who it is, princess," she laughed, and for a moment, she thought about kissing you, but she wanted to have her fun tonight, "you can unpucker those lips and ask me your first question."

you sighed and looked at her with soft eyes - of course she was in one of those moods tonight. mary got off on you when she put you in these situations, it drove her absolutely insane. "don't you want to kiss me in public?"

mary rolled her eyes and leaned in, her lips pressing against yours softly as the breeze of manchester air blew across the two of your bodies. a storm was coming, and the chill sent goosebumps across your skin, mary's too, but she was much better at composing herself.

you wanted to deepen the kiss, to outstretch your arms and pull her closer, to guide her hand up into the slit of your dress, but you knew better than to draw attention to your escapades.

mary was first to pull away, and the pink hue of your lipgloss had tainted her light brown. it was a sight to behold.

"better?"

"hm," you shrugged, "what do you plan on doing if you win the award tonight?"

"finally a question i can answer without lying," mary hummed, "if i win tonight i'm going to be taking my girlfriend back to my hotel room, and doing many, many inappropriate things with her."

you shivered at her words, and had to fight the urges running rife inside your bloodstream.

"oh, really?" you questioned, a raised eyebrow. jill noticed you two were standing together in a quiet corner, "and what do you plan on doing if you don't win?"

"oh, well, lets see," mary faked a thought, and you spotted jill walking towards you both with an excited grin, "oh, yes, i'll be taking my girlfriend back to my hotel room and doing many, many appropriate things with her."

you couldn't help but blush, and you opened your mouth to reply but jill stood in your way. "ceremony's gonna start soon, we really should think about going in, Y/N," she gave you a questioning look, silently asking if you were okay, and you nodded. "they want you for a few more pictures, mary, we'll see you in there."

jill was quiet as the two of you walked behind leah and esme, and you were petrified she would bring up the question and ask you what's going on between you and her best friend, and you didn't have an answer.

"she's your type," she said after a while, nudging you with her shoulder, "mary, i mean, not the girl you were telling me about in the car earlier. mary's the best, hilarious, good with her hands -"

"okay, jilly, thanks," you hit her on the shoulder, "i don't need you to play matchmaker, especially not with mary earps, now c'mon, my heels are killing me."

*

mary couldn't quite believe she'd won the award, and as the night lingered on, her body consistently kept gravitating towards yours. you didn't mind, it seemed everybody in the room kept themselves occupied, if they weren't pulling mary away for five minutes, they were mingling with each other.

jill noticed you and mary spending more time with one another than what she thought acceptable as two people who don't know one another all that well, and she knew she ought to bring it up, but when you began to say your goodbyes approximately ten minutes after mary did at almost midnight, her intuition kicked in.

"leaving already?" she asked, coming up to you before you could show up in front of her, "you and leah are almost always the last two on the dancefloor singing shania twain, or... do you have something better to do?"

you knew that look, the look she was giving you. it was the look she always gave you when she was disappointed you didn't tell her things, like when you failed your driving test and told her you'd passed just so she'd let you drive her new car, or when she'd swung open your bedroom door when you were nineteen to find you in bed with your first boyfriend, much to her disgust.

"if you're galivanting off to sleep with mary, i don't mind," she said, brushing the hair out of your face, "i've watched the way she's looked at you all evening, i noticed the brush of her hand on your thigh and the way you look up at her. i don't mind, y/n, really, i don't."

you knew mary would be on her way to the hotel by now, if not, already there, waiting for your arrival. as much as you wanted to spill your two and a half years worth of secrets to jill, you couldn't bring yourself to do it in this moment.

"then why do you sound so disappointed?"

"i'm not disappointed, i just wish you'd tell me," she ruffled your hair and kissed your cheek, "i'll see you at the buffet for breakfast, and please, for the love of god, stick a do not disturb sign on mary's door."

you slipped into a taxi, and within fifteen minutes you were knocking at mary's hotel room door, and the time it took her to answer the door felt like forever. she swung it open, only so you could see her from the neck up, but you could tell by the angle in which she was standing that she was hiding something.

"took you long enough, love."

"i could say the same for you," you replied, watching mary as her eyes trailed right down to your exposed leg, the slit higher than she remembered, "what're you doing in there?"

she smirked, simply allowing the door to swing open, and when it did your knees almost buckled again. your eyes weren't really sure where to look, it seemed the lace top of her dress was detachable from the long black skirt, and there she stood before you in a lacy bodysuit which made your mind reel.

this was far from the mary you knew, usually with her hair in a messy pony, more often than not, a face with faint green stains of grass, and the familiar smell of either the pitch or the training room, her dominance unrelenting.

although she was in a lacy black bodysuit, the latter statement about her dominance still stayed the same.

"are you just going to stand there gawking, or are you going to come in and let me get my reward?"

you stuttered, struggling to get the words to travel from your brain to your mouth. it was too late for you to answer, though. mary had lost her patience, and she pulled you in and - for lack of a better word - you slammed into the nearest wall.

mary kicked the door and her lips devoured you as if she hadn't kissed you for months, her hands struggling to find a place to rest. your hands settled on resting around her shoulders, your heels giving you just enough of a height boost to be able to stand in that position comfortably, your lips moving together in perfect harmony.

mary's hands found a place to rest on your hips, but she wasted no time in parting the split in your dress and letting her hand explore. a blush crept its way onto your cheeks when she clocked that you weren't wearing underwear.

"oh, sweetheart, really?" she pulled her lips away from yours and gave you that look, the one that accompanied the 'you're not smart, so don't act like it' talk, and you gave her your best innocent eyes, "no underwear, sweetheart, why's that?"

"because you told me not to," your voice was shaking as you spoke, "last week, you told me i couldn't, y-you told me if i did that you wouldn't be very happy."

mary pushed the split in the dress apart and the fresh air touched your cold pussy, sending goosebumps across your skin. it was even worse for you when she knelt down, the heat from her breath juxtaposing the goosebumps and sending your skin into overdrive.

"have i ever told you how pretty of a pussy you have, darling?"

"once or twice," you pushed the hair from her face so it didn't tickle your skin and push the goosebumps further, "but you can tell me again if you - oh."

mary couldn't help herself, her eager tongue needed to taste you. she licked along your slit as you spoke, and reduced your words to a slur of moans. she parted your legs further and scooted closer to your body until you were practically sitting on top of her face, her tongue slipping further and further into your folds.

"i should be the one d-doing this to you, surely," you hummed, hoisting your dress across your hips and allowing her much easier access to your pussy, "you have just won the best award in your career to date."

mary pulled away and you could see her chin glistening with your wetness, causing her makeup to go patchy. her fingers traced the space that her tongue had just been, circling your hole teasingly in only the way she could.

"yes, i have, and you can keep stroking my ego by telling me that again as you take off your dress," she raised an eyebrow, halting the movements of her finger until you did as she asked, "but, your pussy is my reward and i expect to get as much of a reward as possible this evening, do i make myself clear?"

"y-yes," you nodded, allowing your dress to slip straight down your frame until it pooled at your ankles, showing your naked frame to the woman kneeling before you, "i understand."

mary's finger slipped inside of you, albeit ridiculously slow and with nowhere near enough friction to make you cum, but it felt great nonetheless.

"you're such a good little girl for me, aren't you, y/n?" she asked, stretching you out with another finger and curling her fingers in an excruciatingly slow come hither motion, "leaving the afterparty like i asked you to, following me back to my hotel room so i could look at this pretty pussy and hear those innocent little moans all night," she kissed your clit softly and it sent a fluttery feeling scattering through your stomach, "anyone would think you love me, darling."

you opened your mouth to speak, and right as a word began do leave it, mary added a third finger. the stretch was painful, but delicious at the same time and you bunched a hand in her hair, fighting all your urges to cum all over her fingers. she smirked, "cat got your tongue, sweetie?"

"oh, fuck," you hissed, "fuck mary your fingers feel unbelievable."

"that's not what i was looking for you to say, angel, but i'll take it."

she smirked again, this time her lips pursing around your clit and causing a long, breathy moan to tumble from your mouth. the feeling bubbling away in your stomach grew with each flick of her tongue, each curl of her fingers, and it left you a wriggling mess.

you knew what she was waiting for you to say, her body was practically fizzing with the anticipation of hearing you tell her you loved her. it was her new favourite sound of yours to get off to, and she had plenty; but something about your voice was so soft, so subtle.

neither of you ever anticipated it would turn into this, loving each other, you weren't even sure how to love somebody. you both thought that hiding the relationship would be much harder, but it was significantly easier than you realised, less pressure, less worry. and mary didn't ever want you to stop saying it.

"you know you're not allowed to cum until you say it, darling, so you might as well get it over with."

"i love you, mary," every single time you said it, the words slipped out of your mouth easier than any other words ever did, and you hated how much it affected you both. "i love you, now, please - f-fuck - make me cum."

the smirk on mary's lips was unfathomable, and her fingers stretched you out deliciously as she continued to fuck you with them, desperate to stretch you out so she could slide her cock inside you. she stood up, her free hand wrapping itself around your neck instinctively, temporarily halting the bloodflow to your lungs as she squeezed in rhythm to her thrusting fingers.

"you really wanna cum that badly, huh?" she asked, lips scraping your ear with every word, "said you loved me twice in one sentence."

you were unsure whether mary was in a mood nice enough to let you cum now, and while you craved it desperately, you were there for her pleasure this evening, not the other way around.

"god, m-mary, please just let me cum, p-please," you choked, "i-i know you're gonna want my pussy nice 'nd wet, so p-please let me cum."

the noise mary made was akin to a growl, and she sped up the movement of her fingers, moving the angle so her thumb was rubbing your clit frantically. your legs threatened to buckle and you locked your hands around mary's neck, a moan tumbling from your mouth as a trail of her spit lingered on your bottom lip.

"god, not so fuckin' innocent now, are you? can't believe i found myself such a naughty little girl," her teeth nipped at your earlobe and she noticed the bead of sweat trickling down your forehead. "are you going to stand there moaning or are you going to cum for me, little one?"

the use of your favourite petname sent your head spiralling, and with that, your legs shook and your entire core tensed as your orgasm peaked. mary's name fell from your lips and she couldn't help but groan as your wetness flooded her fingers, trickling down her knuckles and the palm of her hand, and the sound of your release was music to her ears.

as mary pulled her fingers out of you, she gave you time to breathe, despite the look of disapproval on your face now that you weren't full. you watched her tongue slide across the skin of her palm and it made you feel dizzy.

"look at those little puppy eyes, my love," she held her fingers out in front of your mouth and let you suck them clean, "how could i ever say no to that face?"

your eyelids fluttered as you tasted yourself on mary's fingers, and when you licked them clean they pulled out of your mouth with a pop. she slipped her arms out of her bodysuit and you watched with eager, desperate eyes as it fell down her hips and to the floor. your eyes almost bulged out of your head at the sight of mary naked, it never felt real.

"what do you want, sweetheart?"

"hmm?"

"i know that look, it's the look you give me when you want to ask a question," she gave you the smirk again, "so, ask me the question."

"i, uh," you straightened yourself up, "i thought as your reward you could let me ride you."

mary leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips, "oh, my darling girl, you can't ever be without my dick inside you, can you?"

you shook your head sheepishly, and mary said nothing as she walked to the bed around the corner of the room. there, on the corner of the bed, lay mary's favourite toys. a strap and its harness, lube and her grind pad, which was a lifesaver when she fucked you. it meant she could feel every sensation, and cum when you did.

"why don't you get my pussy nice 'n wet, darling, hm?" she tucked a curl of hair behind your ear, "and then we'll think about letting you ride my cock, okay?"

nodding, you sunk to your knees and steadied yourself between her legs. she was already preparing the strap harness, fiddling with the grind pad and waiting in anticipation for you to taste her.

she shivered when your tongue made contact with her clit, allowing herself to soak up the feeling by pausing her movements and letting a hand rest on your head.

you did exactly as you were told, getting her pussy nice and wet by smearing your spit all across her clit. she pulled you off, your enjoyment of eating her out short lived, but mary knew if she let you carry on a minute longer she would cave to her instincts and let you eat her.

"if i don't fuck you within the next five minutes, i think i'm going to die," mary hummed, "so please, my love, wait patiently for my cock."

as you sat and waited, you reached down to take off your stiletto's, but mary stopped you.

"don't you dare," she stood up, tightening the loops on her harness and leaning down, "you know how much i love fucking you in heels."

she sat back down on the bed, pulling you down - not completely, just so you were leaning over her frame with your hands on her thighs - and pulling you in for a kiss. it was hot, searing, and your hand instinctively pumped at the lube until you got enough to stroke the strap up and down, soaking it in the liquid so your descent would be easier.

mary groaned as if she could feel the friction through the strap-on, and it made you whimper.

"do you want me to face front or back?" you asked, pulling away for air. the answer was clear when mary's hand came down hard on your arse, the sting brutal but desperately needed. she rubbed the spot she slapped before repeating the action sequence multiple times.

"as much as i love looking at your pretty face, and that insane rack," mary chuckled, "you know i'm an arse girl, love."

you hummed, shifting your body and allowing her to get into position on her back. a whimper left your mouth when you saw her pumping the cock with her hand. she patted her upper thighs, a silent signal for you to lower yourself down, and as you got into a comfortable position, you threw your head over your shoulder and gripped the base of her cock with one hand.

the noises you made as you sunk yourself down on her cock were like music to mary's ears. the grind pad gave her the perfect friction, and as she grunted while you rocked to get comfortable, it felt as if the whole notion of you riding her dick were real.

"c'mon love," she pinched your hip, "don't have all night to waste rockin' back and forth on my cock, you know what i wanna see you doing."

"mhm," you slowly began to pull your hips up from the base of her cock, "yes daddy."

your reply earned you a slap to the bum as you sunk back down, and a sharp moan left your lips. "say it again, love, just once."

"y-yes, daddy."

slap.

"one more time," she stroked the reddening cheek with the palm of her hand, "for daddy's sake."

"yes, daddy."

slap.

mary let out a deep grunt, throwing her head back as you began to bounce up and down to a solidified rhythm, your knees already beginning to ache but this was your reward for mary, and she was not going to take over unless you collapsed from an orgasm; but with her grind pad in use, it was only a matter of time until mary's orgasm crept up on her anyway.

with every bounce of your hips, the pad stroked at mary's clit with a perfect amount of pressure, and a perfect angle, that everytime you pulled up she would whimper, or draw a sigh of relief that her orgasm hadn't hit her yet.

"fuckin' hell, love," she slapped the other cheek this time, "you really do have the most perfect arse, don't you?"

she couldn't help herself, her fingernails digging into the skin of your hips as she began to raise her own off of the bed, fucking up into you and watching your arse ripple with each thrust of her hips. your moans grew louder, unable to control your noise as you gripped onto mary's ankles.

she bent her legs at the knee to help take the weight off of your legs, allowing you to rest on her thighs a bit more. the change in angle of mary's legs changed the deepness of her cock, and it was so deep inside you now it almost made you feel sick.

she reached her hand around your waist so her fingertips brushed your stomach, "can you feel my cock in your stomach, baby? hm?" she waited for you to nod, and her fingers lowered to your clit, "want you to make yourself cum all over my cock, darlin', can you do that for me?"

"not gonna last much longer, mary?" you questioned with the little sarcasm you had left in you. a loud smack echoed the bedroom, and you immediately regretted your question.

"say something stupid like that again and you won't cum at all tonight," she pinched your stinging bum, "understood?"

"yes, mary."

she sat herself up now, so your back was pressed flush against her stomach, and instinctively you wrapped your arms around her neck. the angle of her legs changed again, spread out ever so slightly on the bed so she could hold her balance within her core.

with this angle, mary's fingers were able to pinch at your nipples, and you were so caught up in the feeling of rocking back and forth, and the sound of mary's moaning that you completely forgot you were supposed to be rubbing your clit.

"don't see much going on with your fingers, love," she teased, "please don't make me pull out of this tight little cunt now, and just do as i say, hm?"

you nodded, your index and middle fingers immediately circling the bud of nerves that had you whimpering immediately. mary's lips traced your neck, and without even giving you time to complain, her teeth sunk into the skin and softly nibbled. mary's tongue soothed the burn of her teeth on your neck right as she dragged her fingers under your nipples, making you yearn for an orgasm.

you could tell she was close, her core was beginning to become lose and her legs were beginning to twitch, and your orgasm was on the cusp.

"m-mary-"

"-wait," she breathed, her lips trailing back up to your ear, "wait for me, love, 'nd we'll cum together."

"i-i don't know if i can hold -"

"-you can, and you will," she pinched your nipples, "i'm close, but the longer you talk, the longer this will take."

you nodded, biting down on your lip to fight the urges of begging. a few more rocks of your hips and mary would be toppling over the edge.

"oh, fuck, Y/N," she hissed, "ready to cum all over my cock?"

you nodded aggressively, a feeble 'yes' tumbling from your mouth in a desperate attempt to cum. mary stilled when her orgasm arrived, allowing your hips to do the friction work against her clit, your name falling from her mouth in a desperate groan.

her noises triggered your orgasm, and as much as you tried to ride your way through it, your hips stilled and your fingers on your clit carried you the rest of the way through. you didn't even clock that mary had moved her hands to your hips so she could steady you, and her lips kissed soft lines along your shoulders.

"i'm never going to get over that sound," she said, her hands moving from your hips to around your waist, hugging your body close to her, "i can't believe you're mine."

you managed to wriggle from her grip and lay down against the pillows, with mary following suite. her body cocooned you from the cold air, and her hands resumed their position across your waist.

"i can't believe you're mine," you repeated her words, and turned your neck to the side so you could kiss her nose, "but, i, uh, i think jill knows about us."

the look on mary's face didn't change. in fact, she was relieved she didn't have to hide you anymore. she wanted to show you off, and she was thankful it was almost out in the open now.

"i don't care," she hummed, "maybe it's a good idea for us to get it out in the open now, we've been doing it long enough."

"i like that idea," you spun your whole body around in her embrace at this point, and the smile on your face told her all she needed to know. "i'm so proud of you, maz, nobody deserved to win tonight more than you, i love you."

a heartwarming smile came to mary's face, and you relished in the way you still made her cheeks blush.

"i love you too, darling," she kissed your nose and nuzzled her head into your neck.

"now please, lets get under the covers because i'm freezing my tits off."

[dialoverswritesssx]

Hello, i wanted to ask you another things because i like your writing Could you please write about the Sakamaki brothers' reactions to a reader's devotion? Specifically, I'm interested in a comparison: how would they react to a reader who is forcibly devoted versus a reader who chooses to be devoted to them? ( Laito, Subaru, Shu, Ayato or Laito, Shu, Reiji and Subaru It depends on which ones you know best or which ones you haven't written anything about. ) Thank you in advance

Tw for usual cannon violence

As a group

This is a generalisation for the sakamakis , but it’s pretty obvious they like / enjoy having a certain amount of control over the fmc. In some cases they push fmc to the edge and then convince her that they are the only one that she can rely on . Other use violence or acts of sadism. In a some of the better endings , when they do break her there’s this underlying worry almost like they also enjoyed the light in her eyes before it was distinguished . This is just my opinion but I feel like the vampires like seeing the life in the fmc, because it’s something that they could never have for themselves and something that they could only dream of having . This whole predator x prey dynamic and the way the vampires see humans as less than , because imagine you really , really loved your pizza and you wanted to live with that pizza forever but this pizza is going to go mouldy way before you and then everyone makes fun of you because you were crying over a mouldy pizza. That’s what the vampires ( sort of ) compare it to . It’s a way of keeping their food to themselves ( also it means you know where the pizza has been and that nobody else has licked the pizza .) So if it was a devotion they forced , perhaps they would view her more as food and less of an equal ?

How they would react to chosen devotion

Reiji

He would take the analytical approach of ‘ well of course she’s staying near me , she doesn’t want to get prayed on by my brothers,’ it would really never even occur to him that it would be out of admiration rather than fear

Reiji likes learning , but also has this weird strange urge to look after things wether it be something in the demon realm or his godforsaken brothers but in this case - it’s her

Especially if she didn’t show a lot of fear to him and was somebody who he got along with well ( the pizza is on the horizon…)

Overtime , Reiji is more of the type to settle into a pattern and the pattern becomes a friendship . He would rather die than say out loud that he enjoys her company

It’s more of a softer approach of falling in love , but he would show it through acts of care and gift giving .

Laito

Doesn’t believe you ( emotional motion sickness )

Instead gives you a series of tests and little chances to leave with a mind game like undertone ( think his entire route ) like the sick fuck he is

the only way to get through to him is either a breakdown of he logic or an EXTREME amount of patience , slip ups could result in serious consequences.

Out of all the diaboys this guy is ( arguably ) the hardest to reach emotionally

he’s very perceptive and smarter than he lets on

He’ll do things to purposefully try scare you off if you ignore them - or even better laugh at them and just hold his hand , Laito gets offput by things he doesn’t understand- but is sort of intruiged by them

For the ‘devotion’ to be mutual , it would be somebody he finds interesting and kind .

For somebody to still offer kindness even after everything he’s put them through ,he wouldn’t know how to react - and he’s rarely ever had that before

canonically ( in his route ) when something is flight or fight , he goes freeze ( like when yui was taken away by the bats to shin and Carla and Laito makes no move to save her even though he has karls powers )

Once he realises that you are here to stay , he’ll just become extremely clingy

Subaru

He would reject you outwardly and clearly over and over and over again, he would need someone with a lot of patience and mental strength

Eventually gives up and let’s you tag along around him

Subaru isn’t used to this amount of attention or having some pretty human girl around him

He wouldn’t ever say that he likes having some consistant interaction that centres around him - he would love it if you brushed off his brothers in favor of him

If he received a confession to the face he would be a blushing mess , like ‘ why? ‘ god forbid if you went into more detail about why his face will fully flush red

still is equally as protective

[user9298274001127482]

Are you gonna break up with me?

pairing: bf!matt x gf!reader

warnings: slight angst, resolved ending, fluff

a/n: reader is also youtuber/influencer like matt

a one-shot where matt and y/n have been together almost 4 yrs and he starts cancelling plans with her a lot….

7:00pm

You were at your apartment sitting on your bed watching modern family on the TV. Your boyfriend was coming over to stay the night after what felt like months, he said he would be over around 7 but you just assumed he might be running late.

You were glad that he finally could hangout with you today since he had been cancelling plans so often recently and you hadn’t seen him in 2 weeks which doesn’t seem like much but you and Matt would usually hangout like 4 or 5 times a week.

8:15pm

You were so caught up in watching TV you didn’t even realise what time it was. It had been over an hour since Matt was meant to be here so you decide to send him a text.

Matt ❤️

| Hi baby is everything okay? Why aren’t you here yet?

| seen 8:21pm

He had left you on seen, these past few weeks you have been suspicious of him avoiding u and suddenly being so busy but you and Matt had been together for nearly 4 years. He would never cheat on you or do anything to hurt you.

Or would he? Why did he leave you on seen? Does he want to breakup?

9:30pm

Part of you had still hoped that miraculously he would walk through your bedroom door and give you a perfectly honest explanation as to why he was late and then everything would go back to normal.

But part of you also knew that there must be a reason why he is avoiding you, although you weren’t sure what it was, you weren’t gonna spend all night waiting for him in case he decides to show up.

You sadly start getting ready for bed, putting on your pajamas and brushing your teeth. You stay up watching TV for a few hours.

11:45pm

You hear footsteps and turn your head to the bedroom door and see Matt standing there, the most neutral look on his face, you couldn’t make out whether he was angry, felt guilty or if he just didn’t care.

You stand up as he steps into the room, still not speaking a word he attempts to pull you into a hug. You dodge his hug because how could he act like everything was okay? “Where have you been?” You raise your voice.

“I just got caught up in some stuff” He shrugs using the same excuse he used everytime he cancelled. “What stuff did you get caught up in, Matt? I want answers I’m tired of you avoiding me” you slightly yell.

“Oh my fucking god, not everything is about you y/n, your not my only priority I have a life besides being with you 24/7” he yells while rolling his eyes. I have a life besides being with you his words cause tears to well up in your eyes.

“We haven’t seen eachother in weeks, you keep cancelling plans on me and not answering my calls, what’s going on Matt?” you quietly say with a shaky voice. He looks at you with sympathy in his eyes, a look that makes you think he’s going to apologise.

But instead he grits his teeth and says “It’s too much y/n, I feel like we need some space”. Tears well up in your eyes even more but you don’t let them fall because you don’t want Matt to see, “Are you gonna break up with me?” you say looking away from him because if you look into his eyes you’ll breakdown crying.

A pause of silence, you can see his sad face from the corner of your eyes before he yells again “I don’t fucking know what you want from me!”. Matt storms off, slamming your bedroom door in the process. The second he leaves the tears fall down ur face, your cheeks being drenched. You were always a quiet crier so you don’t worry about Matt hearing you on his way out.

12:00am

A few minutes later you start putting away the pile of clothes on your bed with tears still running down ur face. You get startled when your bedroom door aggressively opens, it’s Matt. He doesn’t look at you face but he comes in and touches you shoulder “Y/n I…” he pauses when seeing your tears dripping down ur face.

Now he looks as if he’s about to breakdown in tears from guilt of making his girlfriend cry. He pulls you into an unexpected hug, your chins rested on eachother shoulders. “Fuck I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry” he says with a shaky voice, although you couldn’t see his face you knew he was crying too. “What kind of boyfriend makes his girlfriend cry” he says.

You gently pull out of the hug and see tears rolling down his face now, you wipe your own tears. “Matt can we please just talk ……about us?” you softly say, he nods as you both sit on the edge of your bed facing eachother. “Be honest, why have you been avoiding me” you ask. “No, I- It’s stupid” he replies. “Please? I’d rather hear a stupid reason why than no explanation” you say.

He hesitates before speaking, “Okay well all my friends have been asking when I’ll propose to you since we’ve been together so long and I wasn’t planning to anytime soon and everyone told me you’d…”. With a confused look you ask “Everyone told you I’d what?” “They told me you’d break up with me if I didn’t propose soon and I thought they were right so I’ve been avoiding you cause I was scared of you leaving me” He shyly says.

“Oh matt, we’re both only 21 of course I’m not gonna break up with you if you don’t propose soon. We’re both not ready for that yet but I still wanna be with you until we are ready” you say in sadness that Matt thought you would leave him. “Yeah I realise that now, I was being a dick I’m so sorry y/n” he says with eyes glued to the floor. You lift his chin up so his eyes are meeting yours, “It’s okay I forgive you Matt but please don’t ever do that again I thought we were gonna be broken up” I say.

“I’ll make it up to you I promise, I’ll do anything you want” he genuinely says. “I just wanna watch modern family with you and cuddle and fall asleep in your arms and kiss you” you blabber. “Okay fine” he kisses you on the cheek.

12:15am

You both settle into your bed, your face buried in his neck with his arms tightly wrapped around ur back and waist. He occasionally gives you a kiss on the forehead whispering “I’m so sorry” to you as you lift ur head up and kiss his cheek every now and then.

1:00am

After a while you start getting tired and are half asleep, Matt thinks you’re fully asleep and doesn’t realise you can hear him. He keeps kissing your hand and whispering sweet things in your ear.

“I love you so much” “I’m so sorry” “I’m such a dick I know” “Your the best thing that’s ever happened to me” “I love you more than anything”.

[choccy-milky]

(SPOILER WARNING to people who haven't read your story) I SWEAR to GOD!!!! This is borderline anon-hate with my current state of mind after finishing The Raven and The Snake over this weekend. I finished it in two days. I'm a mess. I've even started making a playlist because I feel like I can't properly enter reality again. I'm supposed to be writing my bachelors thesis right now,,,, what have you done to me!!!!

I loved it so so so much, and I am very mad I cannot have a collectors edition hardback version of it on my shelf. There are many many moments that keep replaying in my head, and scenes that I saw so vividly when reading through it. The first imperio moment and Sebs shadow and imperio-green eyes as Clora was held captive, and the entire scene in the repository and how I was physically shaking as I slowly realised that Seb had made a fucking horcrux, and when it was CONFIRMED the GASP i GUSPED. It was so perfect, and so very Sebastian; because OF COURSE he made a horcrux (lowkey hot, sue me).

And the scene where Clive realised Seb straight up just died for his daughter without knowing he would be back, oh my dear lord.

And the idea of Seb being seen as a 'Ruffian' and that little mamas boi bitch of a Henry thinking his hand-me-down-riches, muggle ass would be preferable to a powerful wizard. I secretly wished they didn't have to keep magic a secret so Henry could have known just how inferior he was. AND SEB APPARATING SO FAR UMPH the skilllll.

I could go on and on and on, and maybe I will some other time in your inbox when I have another mental breakdown.

And now I'm also almost done with the small sequel. Just taking a break to bombard you with this unhinged message of mine. And how you draw Sebastian is so fucking good. It's actually what got me reading in the first place. I see your version as being in a completely separate universe from the game, cause the way you draw him just has that something, and it's not the same anywhere else. It certainly doesn't help my obsession that my own boyfriend has the same features and colour palette as him, now I think I might even use your art as inspo for next time we need wardrobe additions.

I love you and I hate you.

Ps. Of course I added Sarah Smiles to the playlist and also Far too young to Die, and Just One Yesterday. If you've any other songs you think match please let me knowww~~

BRUHHHHH I ALMOST FEEL NARCISSISTIC FOR POSTING/RESPONDING TO THIS ASK BC ITS JUST PRAISE BUT DAMN THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭😭IM HAPPY YOU LIKED IT SO MUCH!! FORGET WRITING YOUR BACHELORS THESIS, TY FOR WRITING A THESIS ON WHY U LOVED MY FIC SO MUCH AND ALL THE LIL THINGS U ENJOYED BAHAHAHA (love the henry slander) im also glad u like how i draw seb too, and i love how thats what made u start reading it in the first place BAHAH but fr, sometimes i try drawing seb more accurately to his ACTUAL appearance and then im like... Who The Hell is this... and it may sound arrogant since im the artist but my seb is MY seb, yknow...its why i dont like drawing him with other mc's romantically. bc even tho its like, oh look, that's Sebastian Sallow™ from the hit game Hogwarts Legacy™! in my style if i draw him with another MC, its like, NO!!! THATS NOT SEBASTIAN SALLOW™, THATS CLORA'S HUSBAND🤺🤺THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BOI??🤺🤺🤺 LMAOO but rly TY AGAIN💖💖💖 not only for reading but also taking the time to write all this and let me know how much you enjoyed it🥹🥹i (and all writers, really) always love getting stuff like this!! it also brings me back to when i was writing it, especially now that ive been finished with my fic for a few months, listening to u react to all the diff scenes is making me miss it and giving me nostalgia for my own damn fic FRRR😩 also i love that youre making a playlist LMAOO thats how u know the brainrot truly has a hold on you IM SO SORRY🙏🙏 i actually made a seb and clora playlist like last year and its somewhere in my ask tag if you look through that?? but one song that i can recommend off the top of my head (which i almost made their anthem in that OTP chart) is arms tonite by mother mother...whenever i listen to it i cant help but laugh to myself bc its SO perfect for the chap where seb sacrifices himself....YOULL SEE WHEN U LISTEN😇💖

[whenmemorydies]

Breakdown of a racist microaggression in Ice Chips 3x08

This title is misleading because any scene with Donna in it is likely going to be one gigantic macroaggression of some sort lol but I wanted to talk about this scene in Ice Chips and how subtly but impactfully it was played by all the actors in it:

Recall the beginning of 3x08 Ice Chips. Donna has just done her narcissistic thing in the parking lot of the hospital, ignoring-a-very-pregnant-and-about-to-give-birth Natalie's pleas to "shut the fuck up" and we are now in the hospital room with the two of them.

Donna is continuing to do her narcissistic thing and has begun to regale everyone in the room (which at this point is Natalie and a nurse) with stories about being a mother, asserting herself as an expert on the journey her daughter is about to embark on.

She tells Natalie and the nurse (who happens to be Black) about how badly she wanted to be a mother. She said its because:

I wanted someone to love me the way I had seen.

So yes, alarm bells. Wanting a baby so you can feel loved? Probably not the best reason to bring a whole other person into the world.

Note: Mikey entered the world with so much of Donna's expectations and trauma waiting to receive him like his first swaddle. No wonder he knew from a young age that pursuing a singular passion of his own was not going to happen for him because he had people to look after (recall his discussion with Tina in 3x06 Napkins). Parentified, eldest siblings unite /sob.

But back to Donna, Natalie, the nurse and the hospital room.

Donna then hits us with this curveball - her feelings about the exact parent/child relationships she had seen:

You know, all those smug mothers down at the Jewel, blocking the aisle with their strollers.

Yikes.

Donna is jealous of those mothers. She wants to be one of them. She wants to block the aisle at the Jewel (which a quick google tells me is probably short for Jewel-Osco - a chain of grocery stores in Chicago). She's so resentful of mothers with children, that she calls them "smug" for no other reason than they're probably not yelling at their kids in public (lol, also more yikes). She wants to be smug too. It's almost like Donna doesn't want a child, but what she thinks a child will give her: love she clearly hasn't experienced either as a child herself or as an adult . And also the power to be smug and take her place at the Jewel. Its almost like, to Donna, a child is an object, a means to an end.

But we're not done.

Then Donna says:

Do you know what Gina said to me? Gina fucking said to me - she looked down at my stomach - she says to me,

'You know, Donna, there are lots of good Chinese babies, honey.'

And then Donna turns to the only racialised person in the room, the Black nurse and says:

I mean, can you imagine?

And to her credit, that nurse did not kiss her teeth (she has so much more patience and professionalism than me lmao) but I felt her reaction to my CORE:

The biting of tongue, the looking up for divine intervention to get the person speaking to shut the fuck up, the looking down and pursing of lips when you realise no such help is coming, lmao.

I felt that reaction because I have been in this situation so many times as a racialised person (specifically as a non-Black POC). What is the situation exactly? The situation is a white person making a racist comment or "joke" in front of BIPOC folks in order to feel validated in their racism. The situation is getting BIPOC folks to collude/cosign in racism by doing it in front of them and trying to get them in on the "joke" too. This nurse was not having any of it.

For folks who are unsure about what was racist about Donna's comment: the "Chinese babies" Donna is likely referring to are the wave of Asian-American adoptions (where largely white Americans adopted children from China, South Korea, Vietnam, Cambodia and other East Asian countries) that began during the Cold War. The racism is the exporting of Donna's previously discussed objectification of a child, to the East. If she can't make a baby to fill the emotional vortex of her heart, Donna can buy adopt a "Chinese" one (the use of "Chinese" to refer to a myriad of nations and people is also racist). To be clear: white people treating BIPOC folks as objects to fill their needs and not as humans deserving of dignity and respect, is racist.

And yes, this is Donna recounting what someone named Gina has said to her. Its not technically what Donna has said so she's innocent right? Wrong. Donna is recounting a racist incident in front of a BIPOC person whom she has no relationship with. She's not condemning the racism of her friend so for all we know, she may have the same views as Gina - that Asian babies are fine to be adopted if you're a white woman who's feeling very lonely and just wants a baby really badly. This is deeply uncomfortable. My skin was crawling during this scene.

Natalie, observant woman that she is, clocks the nurse's discomfort right away:

And then Donna says:

The joke was on her. God rest her soul. I was two months gone with Michael at the time.

So we know Donna is not condemning Gina for her racism. She's condemning Gina for assuming Donna couldn't get pregnant on her own. Great. So now we and the nurse have a better sense of Donna's position here (Natalie being Donna's daughter surely already knows her mother's position).

Understandably, the nurse does not take Donna's bait and does not affirm her statements. So Donna doubles down in her condemnation of Gina, trying to get the nurse to affirm her any way, any how.

Natalie can see where this may end up going (when JLC does that upside-down-smile-grimace, even I know this is about to get messy lmao) so, being the well-practised parentified daughter that she is, she intervenes:

Then Donna reassures Natalie and the nurse that she did call Pete and she did leave a message and that everything is good. Still Donna needs affirmation from the nurse (can we talk about white folks needing BIPOC folks, in particular Black women, to affirm and hold their feelings for them? Can we talk about the demands of emotional labour?) so she tries another tactic:

The nurse can see right through Donna's posturing:

But she remains respectful and professional, politely responding: Wow.

(which wasn't as sarcastic in the scene as it might read here lol)

Natalie, like the nurse, can also see that her mother is, in fact, on one:

When the nurse does not give Donna anything more than "wow", she gets visibly pissed off. She pulls a face like "That's it?! Wow? Don't you know how hard it is to walk while being in labour?!" JLC goes FULL upside-down-smile-grimace:

But before Donna can embarrass herself further, she gets interrupted.

By a visibly Asian nurse:

And proceeds to shut the fuck up:

The way I CACKLED at the end of this scene lol.

Anyway, I was rewatching this episode for another meta but as is often the case with this show, something else revealed itself in the rewatch, so here we are.

This scene in Ice Chips is literally only one minute long. But the subtleties of facial expression, the looks thrown, the silences, the script choices were *chef's kiss* for so accurately depicting a racist microaggression and the inherent narcissism of racism itself - above and beyond any other mental health diagnoses that Donna might have. This scene was a perfect example of someone having mental health issues and also doing tone-deaf and racist shit, and how blurry those things may appear when you watch them in action.

As humans, we can have multiple things be true of ourselves at the same time. Donna can be mentally unwell and can say and do racist things. Natalie can love Sydney - an unambigiously Black woman - like a sister and also love her unambiguously offensive (lol) mother Donna. Carmy can love his largely BIPOC staff but then treat them like cogs in a machine at work.

I'm not saying that humans contain multitudes, the end. If some of those multitudes are harmful to BIPOC folks or other groups that face systemic discrimination then it is imperative that we try to change the behaviours we have that are harmful. Donna has work to do, so does Carmy and so does Nat. But I'm also saying this shit is messy and its complex. I just thought I'd point out that 3x08 Ice Chips did a great job of showcasing a bit of that mess and a bit of that complexity.

[mercutio-the-velaryon]

Okay, the Twitter takes are pissing me awfff, so let's get this straight and then never talk about it again.

The conversation between Mel and Jayce in the council room definitely should have taken place at some point. I think it was better suited to have happened at an earlier point, like episode one. However, the conversation itself fell very flat, and its contents failed to properly reflect the issue with Mel and Jayce's relationship dynamic.

In the confrontation Jay asks, with a very fragmented mind, whether she only protected her and Jayce on purpose, she says no, he says I can't believe that because of you using victor and me for hextech and calling us investments.

This accusation doesn't really make any sense, because although her actions and methods were unethical making a business investment out of hextech does not align with the extremities of purposefully not protecting the other in the council room.

Let me be clear, it is blatantly obvious that Jayce only makes this accusation because he has been through the mental and physical ringer. That is part of the reason why I think this conversation should've happened earlier so the real issues could've been addressed. Because now within context, his almost valid criticism is treated as lashing out, and it has to be swept under the rug because we got war the next episode.

Now for a breakdown:

Mel and Jayce's relationship was imbalanced from its inception. He had piqued her political interest from the moment he stood before the council for his unlawful science experiments. She was interested in Hextech from the jump but didn't make it known until she knew it was a beneficial venture. But that wasn't a problem that was the fall of the first domino.

Throughout their relationship, Mel is always one or two steps ahead of Jayce. She leads and guides him to make decisions that she deems necessary to attain the power and influence required to improve Piltover. I believe that she wants Jayce to fully realise his dream of helping the masses, due to her being an empath, she takes on his wants and desires which results in his success mattering more and more to her as the story progresses.

So, she is well intentioned but inconsiderate of the fact that Jayce rarely wants to be where she encourages him to go he just has an unshakeable sense of responsibility. She orchestrates behind the scenes for his benefit, springs investors on him, and advocates for his place on the council, all without any discussion or proper dialogue with he who it does concern. It's kind of funny that she's very considerate of him, but she doesn't consult him on anything. She's already made up her mind when they speak; she goes to convince not to discuss.

Let me very quickly assert that I don't think what Mel does obstructs his autonomy or his own free will, she offers and he accepts and he always has the option not to but he rarely does mainly because I think he's a people pleaser and he also holds Mel in high regard.

Let us also remember that he is an educated man from a House in Piltover with a sponser from the council he is a man of privilege his social status is his largest obstacle to realising his dream because he isn't even versed in the complex issues of the people he's trying to help.

Considering all of this, the conversation in the council room followed by Jayce's non-apology and their subsequent break-up scene that was more a viscerally implied break up than explicity stated (which I think was an odd choice because they'd known each other for years and they just kind of fizzle out) are an ill match to what actually transpired between them.

There was such an amazing opportunity for them to have a compelling dialogue about their relationship imbalance. If it had been more two-sided, we could have had Jayce bring up being used as a political pawn but also bearing the weight of his own choices, and Mel being emotionally closed off and unreachable.

It should have played out like a tennis match until both of them lost. Then, for the break up, if thats what it was, they were still characters who meant a lot to each other and deserved a just goodbye, featuring a little hand holding and Mel pulls away first and then they walk away from each other.

In general, Mel, as a character, endured a lot with little to no triumph or compensation. For example, the next time we see Mel after that she's trying to talk her mother down speaks "out of turn" and ends up getting bitch slapped by her I mean...

And you can argue that becoming the wolf was triumphant. I would say that it was a very bittersweet moment with an emphasis on bitter because that felt like the passing on of a generational curse.

You could also argue that Jayce had endured a lot by that point. Well... yes! He did, and he didn't seek comfort in her. He couldn't. He wasn't asking for it like she was. He also got to die in the arms of the person he loved, man got glorious closure, no notes.

I think the scene with Jayce also revealed how isolated Mel is as a character. In the sense that she feels so separated from the main narrative, like if you culled her entire storyline, it wouldn't change much. She also has no other established relationships of depth among the protagonists, no dynamic with anyone, her final battle is her and Cait teaming up, and they don't really mean anything to each other. Which sounds irrelevant until you consider how inextricably linked everyone else is.

And yes, they were both somewhat Ambessa's heirs in some capacity more figuratively for Cait, but it fell just fell short emotionally especially in contrast to Ekko and Jinx and Jinx and Vi and even Ekko and Jayvik because they're the science buffs and the kid straight out of Zaun with no formal education shattered time. Ugh, now that's a Triumph!