#I actually think he’s too good and pure for that pressure it’s a shit job

[marchentraume]

Oscar host issue can be solved by bringing a real winner 🤌

[silverhairsimp]

who's gonna take care of you? k. bakugou

I am sicker than sick and couldn't sleep last night so here's some bakugou fluff.

Pairing & CW: Bakugou x f!reader. Reader and Bakugou have two kids. Brief mentions of pregnancy from Mitsuki (Reader is not actually pregnant). pure, sickly sweet fluff.

Katsuki looks at the clock hanging above the kitchen sink, 7:24am. Usually you’d have been up for at least a half hour by now, maybe more. The kids have to be to school at 8:30, it’s only a 12 minute drive, but they like to get there early and play with their friends before their day of learning starts. He looks at the two of them sitting at the counter, digging into their fresh pancakes and waffles with a variety of fruits. They were similar in a lot of ways, but your daughter refuses to eat pancakes, the same goes with your son and waffles. And what kind of number one dad would The Bakugou Katsuki be if he didn’t make his brats happy?

“You two stay here and finish eating— gonna go check on your ma’,” he calls out to them before heading down the hall, only to stop with a hand on the doorframe to look back at them. “And no eatin’ spoonfuls’a syrup this time! That shi— crap’ll give you diabetes.” 

The two of them laugh at their dads empty threat, knowing they’ll at least sneak one or two spoonfuls before he gets back. 

He has an office day today, full of paperwork and unfished reports that need to be submitted by the end of the week. He’s been working overtime, which means you have too. Working overtime at your own job and taking care of the kids when he gets home too late or leaves too early for work. 

“Baby—“ he calls out when he pushes open your bedroom door. Your cheeks are flushed red, your brows are knit together, you’ve got a mound of blankets on you, yet your feet are sticking out from the bottom. “Hey, y’doing okay?” He asks as he gets closer, sitting next to your sleeping form on the bed when he reaches a hand out to cup your cheek, followed by placing the back of his hand to your forehead. “Jesus babe, you’re burnin’ up. Might be running hotter than I normally do…” 

His words are laced with concern as he heads to your shared bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it with as cold of water he can get before wringing it out. For good measure, he grabs the thermometer and to confirm his suspicions.

“Open up for me, baby.” He brushes his thumb over your cheek and your eyes finally open when you bring your hand up to touch the cold cloth on your forehead. “‘Ts cold…” you mumble and he slips the thermometer underneath your tongue. “Yeah and you’re hot—“ he waits for the thermometer to finish rereading before he adds: “101.9 to be exact.” 

You try to sit up, “I’m fine…”but the pressure in your head is too much so you flop back down into the pillows. “I don’t know what year you think I was born, but I know what fine is. And you, are not fine.” 

“But the kids— they have school, you have work— I have things to do around the house.” You try to protest in between a fit of coughs, but he plants an arm against the bed, palm down at your side caging you in. “you know the hag— my mom,” he corrects when you give him the glare, “she loves taking them to school. Eijiro too. I could call either one and they’d drop ‘em off. And with work, that’s one of the perks’a bein’ your own boss.” 

He leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, trying to hide the wince at how warm your skin is. Gods you must feel like shit. “Lemme call my mom—“ he steps out of the room and gently closes the door, calling in a favor to the woman who always saves his ass. 

‘Yeah, y/n sick, real sick. Need someone to drop off the beats at school. What? Morning sickness? No she’s not pregnant again. She’s sick sick. Got’a fever of almost 102. Yeah, they ate. Yes, lunches packed. Ugh— what kinda father do you think I— mmgh. Thanks ma. They’ll be ready for ya.’

He comes back in the room slight shake to his head as he thinks back to the conversation he just had with his mom. Your youngest is 6 and she’s been itching for another grand baby, but that’s too bad. She’s got two good ones to love on anyway. “Moms comin’ to pick em up in 15.” 

The two of you can hear the padding of feet running down the hall and your two replicas appear in the door frame. 

“Mommy what’s wrong? Did you catch a bug?” Your 8 year old son asks you as he pushes his hips to the bed. He may have his fathers eyes but he’s got your color hair and the sweetest personality to match. 

“Ew! Why would mommy catch a bug!! That’s so yucky!” Your daughter chimes. She’s got that ash blonde hair to match her fathers and definitely gets his personality. 

“Yeah, squirt, mama’s not feeling great so your Gramma Mitsuki is gonna take you to school.”

“Katsuki— you really shouldn’t have asked your mom to come all the way here.” 

“You say all the way here like she doesn’t live 8 minutes down the road.” He smirks at you, knowing damn well she wasn’t gonna miss the opportunity to be involved in your kids’ lives. 

“Daddy, why can’t we stay and take care of mommy like she takes care of us when we’re sick?” Your boy asks with those gorgeous ruby red eyes peering down at you. “You guys have to stay in school and get good grades. You wanna have your own agency and be the number one hero like your daddy don’t you?” You smile at the two of them and lift your hand off the bed to cup their cheeks one at a time. 

Your daughter flexes her little muscles and grits her teeth. “Yeah mommy! We’ll get strong so we can take good care of you some day!” 

Each of your kiddos leans in to place a kiss to your cheek, it’s no use trying to stop them either. They’re both stubborn, just like you and Katsuki. 

“Go get cleaned up before Gramma gets here— and don’t think I can’t smell the syrup on those sticky fingers, you little shits!” 

It’s no use trying to protest the language when you hear the fit of laughter and screams as they run back down the hall. 

Katsuki gets up to make sure they’re heading out to wash up and grab their school bags while he makes another call to the agency, letting Mina know he won’t be in. 

You’ve nearly fallen back asleep by the time he comes back with a hot bowl of homemade soup, a freshly squeezed cup of orange juice, a ginger shot and two pieces of toast. “They’re right ya know. You’re like super woman to them— and even she needs help sometimes.” He presses a kiss to your forehead and turns on the tv for some back ground noise before he grabs his computer and sits next to you in bed. 

“Katsuki. You’re gonna get sick if you stay here—“ you try to protest and he just smiles and puts the cold rag on your forehead. “Yeah… and when super man needs help; I know you’ll be there too..” He lands a fat one right on your lips and smiles. The two of you share everything together. Even the cooties…

[smytherines]

Tumblr won't let me post this from my drafts, but @uhhhitsme this is me responding to what you wrote yesterday!

I think that's right though. This is a long distance relationship. They live an ocean apart, they only get to see each other when their countries deem it necessary to work together. They have to have their entire relationship in secret because it is illegal. And probably treason because they work for two different countries. It is super turbo illegal.

I mean, long distance couples who don't have all those additional issues, who can call or video chat or whatever every day if they choose to, who have support networks there for them to lean on, (who aren't gay spies in the 1950s), most of the time they still don't make it because the distance is just too much to overcome. But Curt and Owen made it work. Even if it was messy and they were both assholes and nothing about it was rational. They made it work.

We don't know how long Curt and Owen were together before the fall, but I'm guessing it was at least a couple of years? They work incredibly well together, they're bantering and giving these goofy lovesick grins to each other (they make me sick)

Even when they bicker it feels like an old married couple. And it has to be that way for the show to make sense. We get less than ten minutes to establish their relationship, and this little section of the show is what gives the staircase scene true dramatic weight. Because there is so much fucking chemistry in that first ten minutes, such a sense of intimacy between them, that when Curt says "the feelings we had" the audience is already there. We don't need to be convinced (especially queer viewers who clocked this shit right away) because yeah of course these two were together.

They were able to keep this thing going off of maybe a couple of days together every few months? Days where they were mostly risking their lives and killing people and getting shot/stabbed/tortured and then hooking up in a hotel room or safe house or whatever.

One thing I think about a lot is if they were able to be that close to each other, function that well together, be so fucking familiar and warm with each other with just those little scraps of time together, I can't even imagine what they'd be like if they actually had time to just be together. Time to learn to be in a relationship. There's a line from Black Box that goes like "a real relationship- the kind of thing with a permanent address," and that's what Curt and Owen never got to have, and its the kind of thing you have to learn, you have to practice.

That's tough though, because I also think Curt's inherent restlessness would make it very difficult for him to settle down into a comfortable quiet life away from everything. I think he's the kind of guy who theoretically wants the comfort and happiness of a happy little domestic situation, wants to be loved and wanted, but it would be torture for him to have to stay in the same place for very long. At least as a younger man. He wants the idea of it. He wants it emotionally, but couldn't handle it practically. What he truly wants is for he and Owen to eternally live out their glory days together as the world's greatest spies- constant adrenaline and pressure and excitement.

This is pure headcanon, but I picture Owen as the kind of guy who has never wanted any of that. Home is where he keeps his shit in between missions. He doesn't want a happy little domestic life, he wants to do the job he's good at until he dies. Until he meets Curt. Then he starts wanting all sorts of things he knows he can never have. He wants to keep Curt safe, wants to know that they'll be able to see each other whenever they want, they'd have control of their own lives instead of being controlled by their agencies. He wants to stop having to work so hard and think so much and constantly constantly plan for the worst.

So it's difficult to say, but in my heart I do think that if they had more time, both in the pre-fall relationship and, y'know, Curt not putting a bullet in Owen's head, I think they could have figured it out. I think if they were able to sustain the feelings they had for so long on so little actual contact, then it would be difficult and painful and even more messy than before, but eventually they could move on to something better.

I think they loved each other enough to try, but after everything they had each been through in their four years apart, after the ways they had hurt each other and broken each other's trust, they just... couldn't see that in the moment. Which is pretty tragic to me.

[sardonic-the-writer]

how do you think your sonas would fare after being dropped into the hunger games universe? :] just for fun question, no pressure lol

this is all just if they got dropped into the games, even though that'd never happen considering they're all much too old to be reaped. just bear with me. i misread this ask at first and don't want to go back and fix it all

tracker—

winner. easy. with his knowledge of traps, how to set them, make them out of nearly anything, and just plain utilize them, he'd get a bunch of kills in like that. along with his knowledge of every terrain there is out there, he could live off the land fairly long too. tracker is a bad ass, and he's not afraid to slaughter people. he's been doing mercenary work for a few decades, and survived being a trans man in new mexico during the sixties. he can take a little bit of murderous competition. that's practically his day job on the regular

shrimp—

he, along with tracker, are some of my sonas that are more likey to win based on pure skill alone. while trackers win would be thanks to battle knowledge, shrimp would probably pull some katniss evergreen shit and worm his way out of sticky situations. utilizes his smart mouth more than anything else. probably would struggle with actually murdering people. likes to make others turn on each other instead so he doesn't actually have to do the killing: which i should mention he's pretty good at. you don't spend so much time around serial killers and vigilantes without picking up a few tricks

puck—

probably dies a couple nights in. he's just some guy that only got off of drugs a few years ago, bro is not surviving a situation like this. maybe he skirts by for longer than expected by making friends with some strong players, but even in his original universe he's generally a very behind the scenes person, so sponsors and things are few and far inbetween. sorry my guy

cru—

he has no plot armor in this universe, so he would be one of the first ones to die. and not even to another person either. in fact, i see him dying after immediately being found by a career pack or something, only to run into a tree and crack his head open. he can kill, sure, but ironically he probably doesn't because he'd be really awkward about it. like uh please hold still iim trying to. ah nevermind. there you go.

quinn—

he literally almost wins, or just flat out does. he'd just stay invisible for most of the time, and if there wasn't a tracker in his arm, then the game makers would be entirely powerless to stop him from just fucking off in some tree until it all ends. one of my more battle adept sonas, but i don't think he'd even be involved in the games in the first place considering he's almost a hundred years old. bonus; if he ever met katniss he'd make a comment about how similar she looked to a certain mutant he knew back home

ezra—

if he found a weapon, he'd be fine, man. after spending so long hunting down monsters, he'd fair against humans pretty well. he still probably wouldn't win without at least some effort, just because he still makes plenty of mistakes, but i see him in the top five easily no matter what

[elvenbeard]

Long rambly post about Phantom Liberty incoming cause HHHHH

Gonna put it under a read more just in case, also cause it got long, and bc I know people will still wanna avoid spoilers!

So.

Mr. Hands, amirite??

Holy shit, he is so cool XD Different than what I imagined, but so much better. Pure visuals-wise he's giving the biggest Sheogorath vibes, and a little bit of an older Dragon Age Dorian. I'm so here for it. Also the fucking phonecall he was on with his kid I assume when you first enter his office omfg XD The dad-est dad to ever dad, then a political schemer and so fashionable XD Also, he deserves his nickname 100%, his cyberhands are so cool. Also, the first fixer that offered Vince a drink and Vince actually didn't have to decline cause it was tea (and I bet it was really good, high-end shit, and that's how you get Vince xD). Also his gigs are all so good like... so varied, and always with difficult choices or just super interesting and entertaining storylines. "Waiting for Dodger" has gotta be my favourite one so far, and I'm excited for what's to come still!

Sure as hell this is gonna be a profitable business relationship (and I'm also super duper intrigued about his political interests and what he's planning/ where he's seeing Dogtown's future like... he doesn't like Hansen in power, he's affiliated with the VDBs AND Netwatch, and I'm just so.... I'm smelling political change, and I'm a bit sad that V didn't get some more inquisitive dialogue options about it all (but maybe that would've been too much at that point... ooor maybe with a few more gigs done the picture will get clearer).

Then also a bit more lore and hhhhh... I don't think I'll incorporate this bit into Vince's canon as is, but again, with everything Corpo-background-lore stuff in PL so far, I love the overall super dark and grim picture being painted like, gimme the angst!! Imagine being so dependent on your job/ so brainwashed/ under your bosses' control they can manipulate you into killing a guy just a few years older than you at that point with the promise "that's the last one... for a while, at least. Here's your raise". This also again lines up really well though with what I actually do have in Vince's background during his time at Arasaka, looking at the vibes and pressure and everything in general (even though the first guy he killed was someone else 👀 but similarly, it also gave him a raise, his supervisors' trust, and so so so many mental health problems).

BUT THEN FINALLY PARTY TIME!!

Maaan... the whole setup of sneaking into the Black Sapphire was so amazing to begin with. The diving portion gave me the worst claustrophobia and flashbacks to all the cave diving accident videos I've ever watched xD The portion with the sniper nest was also so cool but I failed epically at it repeatedly xD Did pull it off like a pro on my third attempt though xD I wish you could do it without having to kill anyone and I figure maybe it is possible. Definitely gonna play around some more on my second playthrough that is surely to come!

Then V's disguise I actually dig so hard XD Purple and black and gold super fancy suit, hell yes! And a nicely tailored one, too. Although Reed's outfit was also 👀👀👀 The main game was really missing a "infiltrate this party" like quest, and damn, did PL deliver with this one.

Then of course I had to have a look around and all the special guests made me so fucking happy xD I was crying at Hideshi Hino and Johnny pointing him out, he was one I would not have expected to meet XD Then also all the newsanchors!! Month ago I was like "ah, it makes sense that Gillean Jordan and Ziggy Q and whatnot have character models, but still so sad that they don't actually have a physical appearance in game". Phantom Liberty is the gift that gives on giving in that regard with fulfilling my little silly wishes like that XD And of course they're all horrible and awful, and I love it XD Goooood-Morning-Night-City Stanley raging about disowning his daughter cause she's into exotic implants, Holt conspiring with Arasaka, again, of course... And Lizzy Wizzy not really happy to see Vince cause I didn't help her get rid of Liam xDD

Also fucking damn... Songbird. First of all, her chrome is insane o.o I'm so torn about what to think of the whole situation like... I can definitely see what Reed says, that she's playing both sides, using Kurt to get her (and V's) cure, the other way around playing him by not actually wanting the president dead... But idk. I feel like something doesn't quite add up just yet. And that is: why even bring V in the equation? If this all is *really* just about curing herself and freeing herself from Myers' clutches, as Kurt says later on, why bring in a random merc with a ticking timebomb in his head and not the best track record when it comes to breaking into high security locations to steal things? (sorry Vince). Idk. I'm not buying it just yet, neither is Vince. He doesn't trust Songbird still, neither the president, both are still a means to his ends - although he also doesn't wish anything bad on So Mi as such, like, she is fighting just as hard for her cure as he is for his, so he can definitely relate to her struggles and whatnot. Being degraded to a tool for people to use as they see fit.

Reed gained a little trust and sympathy with coming clean about how the FIA got rid of him, that Songbird had to pull the trigger on him, metaphorically speaking and like... Vince is not sure if Reed wants revenge on Songbird or actually help her, or if maybe he wants revenge on the president and the whole "I'm just serving my country" thing is not just a very good act. He wouldn't be surprised at least if in the end this all does turn into a personal vendetta. Also, on a meta level I really loved Reed being like, despite everything they did to him, he still feels loyal to the FIA and wants to work for them, in a "I know my place" vibe - similarly how a Corpo!V can be like "I know where I come from" towards Hanako at Embers, that the FIA, in the end, is not too different from a Corp that still has Reed captured how Arasaka has Vince captured and he also couldn't guarantee to not go back to them if they offered him a deal good enough. So, on that basis, I feel like they can really understand each other.

Then these two omfg. Cackling at some details in their profiles still XD The whole roulette scene stressed me out so much, but it was also so fun and unique, really something new! Although internally dying when Aurore got all touchy feely all of a sudden and just picturing Vince utterly losing it internally and just wanting out of there, and then surpressing a sigh of relief when she's like "it's not like I wanna hop into bed with him" to her brother after being scolded xD Like hhhhhh playing this game with a gay OC is so fucking uncomfortable sometimes xD If I had one wish for a future Cyberpunk game it would be more male characters shamelessly flirting with the MC like this oooor at least giving everyone, regardless of gender etc etc the option to turn sth like that down to begin with, like... "oh, sorry, think you misunderstood, I wasn't actually flirting with you".

Would've preferred to flirt with him though:

aksdfhljkasjfhöasdjfhadsflas He's so. SO.

A little more than how I imagined him than most of the others I met so far, but he is also pretty out there. He sure as hell is a lot more layered than what you would think at first glance and I really really love that. I played Vince a little snappy and straightforward during this convo with him, cause I wanted to see how he would react, if he'd keep his calm or if he'd be aggressive or whatnot and in hindsight I wish I'd been a bit more friendly XD Also something for my second plathrough when I really make my canon choices, this first run is for testing the waters and getting to know everyone. THEN I can think properly about "how would my character even react here, truly" xD

Overall this was such a fucking good mission like, holy fuck. So much to see, so much to do, so many people to speak to, I feel like I've forgotten half of the intel I learned already - another reason why I'm looking forward to a second run xD

I still cannot even remotely guess how the DLC is gonna end too like, I feel like after every main mission everything I knew is off the table and there's a whole new array of options I hadn't even considered before. I do hope we get a lot lot lot more stuff on Kurt, cause he is being pinned as... not quite the bad guy in all of this, but not someone you should wanna side with. But I just know there is a lot more to all of this. I could kinda see that it does end up being something like "Songbird has to stay with the FIA and as Myers' pet, Kurt gets defeated, but we get our cure" versus "Songbird gets freed with Kurt's help but all hell breaks loose in the NUSA and Reed won't be happy about it". I feel like, whatever happens though, there's gonna be a war in a few years time at the latest, be it another corporate war, something with the NUSA and Myers schemings (that I'm 0% surprised about btw, do not trust her one bit still and that won't change anymore XD) but yeah.

YEAH. Next up: identity theft! I'm really fucking scared of that cause I remember one of the first trailers where V is getting that mask-like thing put on their face - I'm guessing exactly what Alex has, and I'm guessing it's cyberware... That would be such a big NOPE for Vince, holy shit XD I prefer my flesh-face, thank you! If this is not something that's reversible I pass.

We shall see... but yes. Damn. What a fucking good story so far, even with my long breaks inbetween playing, I'm still hooked anew every time I get to continue!

And again: if I'm way off with any of this (which is likely) or even if I'm guessing some stuff correctly that will transpire later on (which would also be awesome, cause then they're doing their foreshadowing right), please don't tell me or give me hints about it XD I would love to know how your Vs felt about the party cause damn... fanciest party Vince was ever at and will probably ever go to, but he wishes he could've stayed and just actually forgot about everything and partied properly XD Been too long since he did that at that point!

[blindmagdalena]

Sweet Bashful s/o scenario part 2

Now s/o had not expected to catch the amazing Homelander's attention in fact she had hoped not to only because she figured if she had it'd only be because she had done something wrong. There's no other reason for him to interact with a nobody like her. But still the thought of him just saying hi to her made her heart a flutter... So of course when Homelander began testing her admiration for her she at first was quite oblivious to it. In fact the first time he'd glanced over right into her eyes she had immediately felt her heart skip beats... Her face flushed and she immediately looked another way from pure bashfulness. However it was when he began to pay more and more attention to her that she started to actually finally pick up on the fact he was actually doing it. No way the great Homelander himself was giving her attention?! Her?! She felt weak in the knees, light headed in pure bliss especially when it was positive attention. A small smirk here and there she just felt beyond euphoric. It had taken everything in her body to not faint. But do not get s/o wrong she wasn't just a typical fangirl dreaming of her favorite superhero sweet s/o feels honored beyond anything. She had never imagined in a million years. She smiled ever so brightly at work that even other Vought employees were impressed with a employee who actually seemed to enjoy her job. Sometimes she'd even bashfully sing sweetly while she worked alone (or at least when she thought she was alone). It wasn't until a fateful day when sweet s/o was once again singing by herself very gently while organizing the paperwork for the meeting room that it happened... She had heard footsteps coming in which surprised her in itself considering no one ever came in this early. She glanced behind her and gasped. Almost dropping her work... It was him Homelander... She'd immediately look down at her feet blushing insanely and embarrassingly apologize over and over saying she'd be more quiet and was sorry for being so unorganized (despite the fact that she'd been nothing but dedicated). Now should Homelander be gentle and warm in his approach while a warm smile and a friendly greeting s/o will practically almost drop from internal excitement and disbelief. Her heartrate will be through the roof and she'll respond in the most gentle and soft voice "h..hello" back... She will be smiling face red.. and oh goodness if Homelander were to compliment her... She'd feel her vision become dizzy it'd be cometic from Homelander's pov cause I'd imagine he'd hear her heart and blood pressure be completely out of this world. Still s/o would definitely pull herself together 'Don't be an idiot' she'd scold herself in her mind. If Homelander were to ask anything of her it's his. Need an early coffee? Want a certain snack? Flowers? Chocolates? Sweet s/o will be there practically hand and foot ready to please this other worldly being of glory. If Homelander and sweet s/o knew each other like this for a while and Homelander wanted emotional support or physical touch sweet s/o will be more than happy to comply. A hug full of naive love? Hair and head rubs? Words of admiration? "You're perfect, you do what you feel is best" S/o will always serve, overall should Homelander be in need of an emotional support human pet sweet bashful s/o will be the perfect candidate, lord help her if Homelander asks her to walk briskly behind him for company or have her sit on his lap while he is in meetings... Well the first time he asks this... She may just faint from pure bliss.... Her bashfulness just couldn't handle it.. but she'd feel very bad that ever happened...

new entry for the bashful girlies y'all!!! i'm sorry but this reader is too cute, i don't think i can let homie have her. can she follow me around instead??? just kidding. he'd laser my ass 🥲

OF COURSE he would become clingy af. probably goes through a phase of being passive aggressive with her before he realizes oh shit, she really is just like that. sweet enough to make his teeth rot. infuriatingly patient and good. kind to him even when he isn't kind. it's maddening. he's going to have to keep her forever to really test that. i love the juxtaposition we get here. he is so loud, so much larger than life in everything he is, but he could be tamed by someone who was consistent with him. patient. adoring. she's going to find herself with a lot of responsibility when he hands her the end of leash and says "You were nice to me, and now I'm your problem."

[smytherines]

I think that's right though. This is a long distance relationship. They live an ocean apart, they only get to see each other when their countries deem it necessary to work together. They have to have their entire relationship in secret because it is illegal. And probably treason because they work for two different countries. It is super turbo illegal.

I mean, long distance couples who don't have all those additional issues, who can call or video chat or whatever every day if they choose to, who have support networks there for them to lean on, (who aren't gay spies in the 1950s) most of the time they still don't make it because the distance is just too much to overcome. But Curt and Owen made it work. Even if it was messy and they were both assholes and nothing about it was rational. They made it work.

I mean we don't know how long Curt and Owen were together before the fall, but I'm guessing it was at least a couple of years? They work incredibly well together, they're bantering and giving these goofy lovesick grins to each other (they make me sick)

Even when they bicker it feels like an old married couple. And it has to be that way for the show to make sense. We get less than ten minutes to establish their relationship, and this little section of the show is what gives the staircase scene true dramatic weight. Because there is so much fucking chemistry in that first ten minutes, such a sense of intimacy between them, that when Curt says "the feelings we had" the audience is already there. We don't need to be convinced (especially queer viewers who clocked this shit right away) because yeah of course these two were together.

They were able to keep this thing going off of maybe a couple of days together every few months? Days where they were mostly risking their lives and killing people and getting shot/stabbed/tortured and then hooking up in a hotel room or safe house or whatever.

One thing I think about a lot is if they were able to be that close to each other, function that well together, be so fucking familiar and warm with each other with just those little scraps of time together, I can't even imagine what they'd be like if they actually had time to just be together. Time to learn to be in a relationship. There's a line from Black Box that goes like "a real relationship- the kind of thing with a permanent address," and that's what Curt and Owen never got to have.

That's tough though, because I also think Curt's inherent restlessness would make it very difficult for him to settle down into a comfortable quiet life away from everything. I think he's the kind of guy who wants the comfort and happiness of a happy little domestic situation, but it would be torture for him to have to stay in it for very long. At least as a younger man. He wants the idea of it. He wants it theoretically, emotionally, but couldn't handle it practically. What he really wants is for he and Owen to eternally live out their glory days together as the world's greatest spies- constant adrenaline and pressure and excitement.

This is pure headcanon, but I picture Owen as the kind of guy who has never wanted any of that. Home is where he keeps his shit in between missions. He doesn't want a happy little domestic life, he wants to do the job he's good at until he dies. Until he meets Curt. Then he starts wanting all sorts of things he knows he can never have. He wants to keep Curt safe, wants to know that they'll be able to see each other whenever they want, they'd have control of their own lives instead of being controlled by their agencies. He wants to stop having to work so hard and think so much and constantly constantly plan for the worst.

So it's difficult to say, but in my heart I do think that if they had more time, both in the pre-fall relationship and, y'know, Curt not putting a bullet in Owen's head, I think they could have figured it out. I think if they were able to sustain this thing they have for so long on so little actual contact, then it would be difficult and painful and even more messy than before, but eventually they could move on to something better.

I think they loved each other enough to try, but after everything they had each been through in their four years apart, after the ways they had hurt each other and broken each other's trust, they just... couldn't see that at the time. Which is pretty tragic to me.

I'm just curious. I think you could portray it either way, because we really don't get much content for them pre-fall. It's pretty easy to make a case for both sides based on both of their behaviours post-fall. So what do you guys think? :3

[liebgotts-lovergirl]

Fire On Fire: Chapter 9

(Ch. 8), (Ch. 7), (Ch. 6), (Ch. 5), (Ch. 4), (Ch. 3) (Ch. 2) (Ch. 1)

Gallery II Taglist Application II Symbol Guide

Summary: A spy's job is to complete their mission, even if it means hunting down a former friend. WARNINGS: Injury, Death, War things Dedication: To my dearest Poe & Dove whose writing never ceases to inspire me & to Lara without whom this whole work wouldn't exist 💖💖💖 Taglist: @latibvles @wwhatev3r @softguarnere @brassknucklespeirs

Contemporary: June 12th, 1944. Saint-Hilaire-Petitville, France.

The sniper had them pinned but luckily, there was still one miniscule blessing.

"There's no way he can see through the curtains!" Alix yelled over the continued smatterings of gunfire. "He’s firing blind!" 

“Hold on, Cami,” she urged her comrade, trying her best to apply more pressure to the wound but the blood just kept bubbling over her hands, no matter how much she pressed. “Just hold on.” 

Camille's breath was coming in short, ragged gasps as she fought for air and Alix’s mind raced as she struggled for things to say to keep Camille awake and focused. 

“We’re gonna get you through this, Camille, I promise,” she vowed but the frothing noise emanating from the wound was rapidly filling her with dread.  

That couldn’t be a good sign. 

 “Think about Toulouse,” she implored her friend, whose green eyes were starting to become unfocused. “You remember Toulouse, right?” 

The thinnest smile crossed Camille’s blood-streaked face so Alix took that topic and ran with it. 

“Of course you do,” Alix affirmed warmly, trying her best to seem enthusiastic, positive, and not at all scared to death.

“He's your boyfriend, right? He said you’d known each other a long time. You’re the one who gave him Voltaire, aren't you? God, he loved that cat. I don't think I ever got a letter without a photograph of him attached to it!" 

Alix babbled on about Toulouse, about Voltaire the cat, everything she could possibly remember from their letters, exhorting Camille to keep her eyes open while Henri, who had managed to bring the handheld radio down to the floor with him, was hurriedly tapping out urgent messages to their contacts in the area, informing them of their dire situation and requesting aid.

“There’s an attack going on in Carentan right now!” he shouted as another explosion went off. It sounded much closer than before. “We’re on our own!” 

Shit. 

The sniper had deliberately targeted them when they were stranded, cut off from any outside help by two opposing armies. 

But how could he have known where his target would be standing without a visual…?

And just like that, the wheels of Alix’s brain began to turn.

The only way the sniper could’ve known where everyone was would be if someone had radio’d him everyone’s positions, meaning the Gestapo’s mole had to have been someone in the room at the time. 

It couldn’t be Edgar then, Alix thought, as he was helping another faction of the Maquis bomb a bridge on the outskirts of Carentan. He had no part in intelligence gathering anyway; he was purely a saboteur. 

It couldn’t be Thérèse either as she had been tailing Oberleutnant Hahn throughout the day. All her intel pertained solely to him. 

Camille would never have put a hit out on Toulouse, no matter what. She certainly had no faith in Alix but even still, the agent had no doubt that Camille would never have tried to put a hit out on her either. 

So that left Henri and…

She and Henri looked up at the same time, the same look of recognition dawning on both their faces. 

Jean-Pierre.

It all made sense now. He had been feeding them deliberate misinformation to throw them off the scent of the actual Nazi plans. More than likely, he'd been the one pocketing the leftover money too. 

He'd only been working with the Carentan Resistance a couple months and in that time, he'd already sold out the group's former leader and three other long-standing members without ever being suspected. He was friendly, he was funny, he was convincing, and he was practically still a teenager…No wonder the Gestapo had him on payroll. 

He was the perfect spy. 

All the nervous scratching his nose, the glancing at his watch…he had been waiting for the right time to signal the attack. 

JP's voice rang in her ears: 

"By the way, Jules, could you be a lamb and double-check my coordinates while I'm gone? The notes are over there. Wouldn't want any supplies getting misplaced on my account." 

It had been a set-up. He had deliberately tried to anchor her to the path of the sniper's bullet.

Alix had been the target, not Camille. 

It took every ounce of strength in Alix’s body not to go running after the bastard right then for hurting Camille in her stead but she couldn’t leave her friend.

Every violent cough produced lengthy rivers of bright red that streamed from her mouth down her neck and Alix quickly went from scared to terrified. 

“Henri, I need you to hurry,” she cried nervously.

Henri, who was already steadily army-crawling toward the pair, began crawling even faster.

“Put more pressure,” he ordered as he dragged himself along the floor. “The bullet's caused a pneumothorax!" 

Alix stared at him blankly but obeyed, immersing her hands even deeper in the blood and gore as Camille's coughs came quicker and more forcefully. 

Henri was always forgetting that other people didn't read med-school textbooks in their free time. 

"It's caused a what?!" 

"A pneumothorax!" he repeated as though she had simply misheard him. 

But when Alix shook her head, he elaborated, "A collapsed lung! It needs to be sealed!" 

Luckily, he had just reached them and immediately took over, his med-school training kicking in like second nature as he carefully inspected the wound.

“You go after JP," he yelled to Alix over the sound of a nearby explosion. "I can handle things here!"  

Alix didn't need to be told twice. 

Keeping her head low and her stomach pressed to the carpet, she began dragging herself toward the door by her elbows, pausing only to retrieve the handheld radio and her aid bag.

All her false IDs were inside.

She wasn't sure how much Jean-Pierre knew so it was impossible to tell if her cover had been completely blown yet, but she'd probably have to burn this identity's passport anyway later, just in case. 

Once she reached the hallway, she scrambled to her feet but a near-deafening wail shook the walls around her and before she could blink, she was on her knees again as the sounds of artillery explosions and shattering glass nearby roared like an oncoming train. 

That one was way too close, she thought. Looks like I'll be crawling out the back way too.  

The only blessing was that the sniper had no way of knowing he hadn't hit his target. The gunfire had stopped fairly quickly after Camille was shot, Alix remembered. 

More than likely, he'd already packed up and gone, thinking his job was done. 

Well think again, asshole, Alix thought as she clambered to her feet and sprinted out the back door.

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The once quiet, picturesque village of Saint-Hilaire-Petitville was unrecognizable now. 

Skeletons of buildings stood tall against a smoke-darkened sky like ancient ruins and plumes of fire from artillery cast the wreckage in a hellish orange glow. 

The screams of the injured and dying clogged the air in every language, the details of their final words drowned out by the thunder of explosions and gunfire. 

If there is a Hell, Alix decided as she hurried toward Carentan, it definitely looks like this. 

She knew better than to run openly in the street where she could be seen– spies were not soldiers, after all– so she clung to the long shadows of still-standing buildings, ducking in and out of doorways as she dodged debris and quickly made her way out of the falling village. 

Soon, she had made it far enough out onto the open road that the only sound nearby was the crunch of gravel under her boots and her own heavy breathing. Part of her wished she could radio back to check on Camille, but ultimately, Alix knew better. Radio transmissions were dangerous enough under normal circumstances; trying to send a message from out in the open would be suicide. 

All she could do was hope for the best and keep moving.

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Reaching Carentan had been the easy part; tracking down Jean-Pierre was going to be a whole lot harder. 

Alix wracked her brain as she slipped behind a half-timbered farmhouse at the edge of the city. 

It provided minimal protection but it was still better than remaining totally exposed to the bullets raining down like hail from above the thoroughfare.

Peeking out from behind the relative safety of the painted wall, she could see the streets were littered with corpses.

Blood trickled down the cobblestones in tiny streams and the final agonies of the dying piercing the air like sirens but the young spy closed her eyes, fighting the chaos of her surroundings so she could focus. 

She had a mission to complete and that meant finding Jean-Pierre, her friend— No. 

That train of thought needed to stop right there. Jean-Pierre was a lot of things: an enemy agent, a target, a chicken-shit coward, and a traitor. But he was not the friend she thought she’d known. That person didn’t exist.

The Jean-Pierre she thought she knew had died the moment he handed Toulouse over to the Gestapo a week before her arrival. Everything else was just performance.

By betraying Alix’s friends, JP had made himself a target and now he would be hunted and killed like one too. 

The OSS operative parsed through her own training from years earlier.

“When evading a pursuer in an urban environment, remember the acronym: PIC,”  she recalled Lieutenant Nixon stressing during one of their evasion drills. 

"Number 1: Protection from the environment. 

Number 2: Invisible to the enemy. 

Number 3: Comfort for quality rest." 

So the farmhouse was out. It could offer protection and comfort but not invisibility; it was the only building in the area whose roof and doors were painted a rather violent shade of plum, which stuck out like a sore thumb against the more muted landscape surrounding it. 

What would qualify as invisible in a small, rural town like Carentan, Alix mused. Somewhere strong enough to provide protection, spacious enough to provide comfort, and somewhere most people would overlook… 

Her dark eyes scanned the town’s landscape for a moment, passing over shops and houses. 

A spy would know better than to hole-up somewhere so densely populated. It was too easy to corner someone between buildings that tightly packed. 

Then, her eyes landed on Notre-Dame de Carentan, the parish cathedral, and a lightbulb went off in her head. 

Large and sturdy enough to provide protection, just out of the way enough to avoid being interrupted by enemy combatants raiding for food like they would in a shop, spacious enough to provide multiple nooks within as well as multiple exits. 

And what self-respecting Catholic would desecrate the house of God? It was the perfect hiding spot.

She needed to get over there fast. 

Luckily, an opportune explosion a few houses down drew some scattered German soldiers from the nearby area. 

A welcome distraction. 

Keeping a death-grip on her aid bag and her head tucked low, Alix hustled to the other side of the street as quickly as she could, taking momentary refuge behind some nearby shrubbery before shoving the heavy cathedral door open with a grunt and slipping inside.

∆∆━━━━∆∆━━━∆∆━━━∆∆

Despite the chaos raging just outside its doors, the inside of the cathedral was hauntingly still. 

The booming explosions and percussive rat-a-tat-tat of scattered firefights in the nearby area were virtually swallowed up by the sheer size and strength of the stone columns within.

If Alix closed her eyes, the dulled echoes from outside could almost be mistaken for thunder and rainfall. Almost. 

Below the majestic vaulted ceiling, faint glimmers of sunlight streamed through the stained glass-adorned walls, scattering colorful beams of light onto the pews and aisle of the otherwise dimly-lit cathedral.

The rolling smoke from external fires combined with the glow of candles from the apse added an ethereal element throughout.

It was strange being in a Catholic church again after three years away, simultaneously alien but familiar, like visiting the new owners of your childhood home. As she stood in the church’s lobby, just inside the doors, Alix felt a twinge of shame for not having been in so long.

But as quickly as the guilt surfaced, so too did the suppressed rage. 

If God wanted me to keep going to Mass, she thought bitterly. then He shouldnt’ve let my fucking brother die. 

Her heart pounding in her ears as she entered, Alix slipped a hand into her aid bag and retrieved her handgun. She was not going to be caught off-guard in here. 

Wherever Jean-Pierre was hiding, she would be ready for him. 

Marble statues of the saints adorned the walls, staring pitilessly down at her with their stony gaze as she scoured the cathedral for her target. 

Where are you, you traitorous piece of shit, she wanted to yell, but she knew better.

She’d have to catch him, like a rat, because he wouldn’t come out on his own.

Stalking down the center instead, aisle by aisle, the soft sound of her boots against the cold marble floor was muffled by the drumming of artillery fire in the distance.

Suddenly, a small nook ahead to the left side caught her eye. Tucked just steps away from the main altar, this section of the chapel appeared to be specifically dedicated to the Virgin Mary.

Situated neatly atop the altar sat a painted statuette of the Holy Mother draped in blue, smiling serenely down at the empty rows in front of her, oblivious to the rage simmering within the OSS agent striding towards her sacred space.

And there, in the farthest corner pew, hunched over a tiny notebook, sat Jean-Pierre.

∆∆━━━━∆∆━━━∆∆━━━∆∆

"Well if it isn't our local turncoat," Alix remarked loudly, the venom in her voice echoing impressively in the smaller chamber.

"I'm surprised you didn't just incinerate walking in here. Isn’t treachery a mortal sin?”

Jean-Pierre looked up from his notebook, the fake smile on his face just begging to be clawed off.

"Nice to see you too, Jules," he replied cheerily as if she'd wished him a Good Morning instead of an insult. "It's always good to see a friendly face."

"I'm glad because it's the last face you're going to see," Alix snapped as she approached the pew where he sat.

"You can drop the act, JP, I know what you did." 

JP raised his eyebrows, innocent and unconcerned. 

"Do you now?" 

Alix ignored him. She was not going to partake in his mind games. 

"How long have you been working for the Nazis," she demanded as she sat down forcefully, her back bumping against the wooden pew in her haste. 

Sitting within two feet of the man who had sold out her friends made her sick but she had no choice; she needed to be close enough to observe him during interrogation.

Her nostrils were flaring with her barely-contained fury but JP casually lit up a cigarette as though he hadn’t noticed. 

"You're going to have to be more specific, Jules," he stated after taking a short drag, still acting as if they were old friends catching up over breakfast. "The Milice or the Gestapo?" 

"Either. Both." 

"The Milice for about two years, since I was 17. I was assigned to liaise with the Gestapo more recently. I’ve been an undercover provocateur for about…" 

He took a second to ponder, before responding “About 4 months now, I think.”

Alix took a hard look at the boy sitting next to her. 

Jean-Pierre was only nineteen; he should’ve been studying at university, going to dance halls, asking a girl from one of his classes out on a Saturday night just to make a complete fool of himself, he should’ve been able to be a kid and make memories with his friends. 

Instead, there was a war on, kids younger than him were fighting and dying to defend their countries from the evils of fascism and here JP was, a Nazi turncoat…for what? What could make someone so young so self-serving, so full of apathy?

“You were never rejected by the French army,” she surmised aloud, thinking back to earlier that day. “That was just part of your cover so you could have an excuse to be more heavily involved in the planning, wasn’t it?” 

“Very good, Jules,” JP commented. “You put it together quicker than Toulouse did. What brought you to that conclusion?”

 “Well, you got into that scuffle with Henri earlier without hardly breaking a sweat,” the OSS agent acknowledged before nodding to him. “And look at you smoking now. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smoke before. If you were actually asthmatic, you’d be hacking up a lung.”

JP took another short drag before responding with a simple “Bravo” and a sarcastic round of applause, the clatter bouncing mockingly off the marble as though even the cathedral itself was laughing at her.

"How do you sleep at night," Alix wondered aloud from between gritted teeth. "Knowing all the people you've betrayed, good people who trusted you?" 

Jean-Pierre cocked an eyebrow and took another drag. 

"Trusting me was their fault," he replied coolly, the smoke curling into the air. "Not mine. These are dangerous times, you know." 

Alix was seized with the overwhelming urge to throttle him but she bit it back. 

"As for my conscience?" He shrugged. "Completely clear. I just provide intel– for a price, of course. Whatever the Milice and the Gestapo choose to do with that intel is their business, not mine." 

"You signaled the sniper earlier, didn't you? And Camille was what, just collateral to you?" 

Jean-Pierre shrugged again. 

"Business is business." 

"If you wanted me dead that badly, you could've left the others out of it." 

Jean-Pierre pursed his lips.

"Oh but we don't want you dead," he replied flippantly, as though that somehow made it better. "Just wounded enough to be taken in without issue. And I did try to leave them out of it, but you wouldn't let me. Their deaths are on your hands, Jules, not mine. I got the transmission shortly before you arrived.” 

"You're lying," Alix insisted, trying in vain to shove down her mounting panic. 

He was just trying to get into her head…right? 

"Henri and Camille were both alive when I left." 

Jean-Pierre made a Voilá gesture. 

"My point exactly. They were both unfortunate casualties of your negligence. Our sniper had a perfect vantage point and we were all ready for you to make your move on Hahn...you would never have made it within a meter of him. But then, out of the blue, you decide to follow orders for once and stay put!" 

His voice rose slightly and for a split-second, Alix thought she glimpsed lines of frustration creasing his brow as the mask slipped…but then, like a good agent, it was back to baseline: cool, calm, and collected. 

"So we had to improvise. I got out of the line of fire, tried to keep you in place, everything was good to go…and then Camille got in the way."  

He clucked his tongue. 

"I was sure it was you but when our sniper went back to verify the kill, who should he find but Camille already dead on the carpet, you nowhere to be found, and Henri operating an illegal radio? And…well, we couldn't have that. You understand." 

Alix felt a pit forming in her stomach like she'd swallowed a boulder. 

If she had just disobeyed Henri's order like JP had urged her to in the first place, Camille and Henri would still be alive…She herself might've died but that was inconsequential. It was her they wanted; no one else had to get hurt.

Jean-Pierre was so nonchalant, it was maddening. He acted like he had all the time in the world, like he wasn't sitting next to a former friend with a gun in her hand, still drenched in the blood of their other friend…former friend, now deceased.

At least he hadn't mentioned Edgar and Thérèse, Alix thought. 

The twins must have gotten Henri's last radio transmission and gone on the run. 

She put her free hand to her rosary, sending a silent prayer up that the two kids would make it to a neutral zone safely. She wasn’t sure if any god, angels, or saints were listening but she was in a church and she figured it couldn’t hurt to try. 

Taking a steadying breath and resisting the urge to just shoot the bastard, Alix decided to try something. 

“I’m going to ask you this one time and one time only,” she stated firmly, trying to remain calm and forget about the handgun she was clutching in her right hand. 

“Who gave you the order to bring me in? And why not Henri or Camille? Why me?" 

"I don't ask those sorts of questions," JP said simply. "And neither should you."

Alix set her jaw.

Don't tell me how to run my interrogation, she wanted to snap but she knew better. She would have to let it slide for now, if she wanted any answers at all.

"Alright, next question: What did you do to Henri?" she asked tersely, forcing her face to remain impartial.

She would not show this bastard fear. 

"I didn't do anything to anyone," JP replied snippily. "But don't worry, my partner was quick. Henri wasn't going to be of any use. He and Camille were worth more dead than alive anyway." 

"Not like Toulouse," Alix guessed. Jean-Pierre stared her down, his startlingly gray eyes piercing her like a spear.

"Toulouse was more trouble than he was worth," he practically spat. "Three days of continuous torture and still no information. What a waste of time.

Someone finally had to shut him up for good on the fourth day because he wouldn't stop singing 'Le Chant des Partisans' at the top of his lungs and it was riling up the other prisoners."  

Alix couldn't help but smile. 

"Le Chant des Partisans", the song of the Resistance. 

Leave it to Toulouse, the eternal optimist, to be rallying others until the end. 

“I’m glad he gave you trouble,” Alix uttered acerbically, fire blazing in her dark brown eyes. “I hope he cursed you all the way to his grave.”

She couldn’t imagine the look on Toulouse’s face when he discovered that it was a friend who had betrayed him, who intended to destroy everything he’d built…The thought hurt too much.

Jean-Pierre turned his cigarette pack over and over in his hands, studying it meticulously before looking up, his flint-sharp eyes boring holes into her.

“Is that what you’re going to do, Jules?” he asked. “Curse me all the way to your grave when you go?” 

He didn’t look afraid, just amused, like he was watching a particularly clever rat slowly navigate its way through a maze. 

Alix glared at him.

His deliberate nonchalance was tap-dancing on her last nerve and she’d just about had enough.

“It’s Juliette,” she said coldly. "Jules was for friends.”

JP cocked his head curiously.

“We’re not friends anymore, Jules? Pity, I actually liked you.”

Alix once again found herself resisting the temptation to throttle the kid into unconsciousness.

"You’re a duplicitous piece of shit and I should've seen it sooner.”  

“Agreed," JP acknowledged evenly. “But it's in your nature to care about people, to your own detriment. Your loyalty makes you naive."

He gave her a look filled with sickening pity, as though she were a bird with a broken wing, and she was struck by how much older he looked. The intelligence game had aged him. He looked too tired, too bitter, too malicious for a boy of nineteen. 

"This is what happens when you care about people, Jules," he stated with a general gesture around them. "In our business, caring for people is their death sentence. Toulouse, Henri, Camille…You did this to yourself."

Alix's heart jumped into her throat. It felt like she was being strangled, like someone had sucked all the air out of the room, and her eyes were beginning to burn. 

JP’s words echoed not only around the church but in her head as well: 

This is what happens when you care about people…You did this…You did this…

Alix cocked the gun at her side with a click. 

"Interrogation’s over, JP,” she said quietly, getting to her feet. “Stand up, unless you want to die on your ass.”

“So soon?” Her former friend remained seated, raising an eyebrow as he searched her face for any sign of weakness. “Did I hit a nerve, Jules?”

“Of course not,” Alix lied, thanking God that her training had been good enough to mask most of her emotions even in a foreign language. “Like you said, business is business. Now get the fuck up.”

Jean-Pierre didn’t move. 

“You really think killing me is going to wash all that blood off your hands?” he inquired, watching her expectantly from his seat with those ice-cold eyes, like a bird of prey staring down its dinner, searching for a weakness to exploit.

“You think it’s going to make you a ‘better person’?” 

He barked out a hollow laugh. 

“Because I hate to break it to you, Jules, but we’re in a war zone: There are no good people.”

"There are still good people, JP,” the OSS agent replied, her broken voice barely above a whisper. “My mistake was thinking you were one of them." 

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[enchantestuff]

hatred - Charles Leclerc

I think I might make this into a mini series with an enemies to civil with each other to friends to lovers kind of vibe but I'm still not sure, anyways here's Charles x reader wanting to rip each others throats but instead end up ripping each others clothes off

gonna dedicate this to the lovely @yungbludz​ happy birthday <33

GIF NOT MINE

warnings; smut as per usual, Charles being very egotistical, choking, language, enjoy <3

2k words 

part two

It was safe to say you and Charles hated each other. You knew hate was a strong word, but you also knew that you felt nothing but hatred for the man. You hated his cocky smile and the fact that everyone seemed to be obsessed with him. You also hated the fact that you had to spend the whole weekend with him.

You worked for Ferrari, meaning that, unfortunately, you had to spend a lot of time with Charles. You were actually excited when you first got the job of being Charles Leclerc's PR manager. You had admired the driver and couldn’t wait to work alongside him, but that all changed once you actually met him and realised what an ass he really was. Everyone else loved him, of course, because he seemed to be nice to every single person on the planet except you.

You and a select number of the Ferrari team had been invited to a special charity event taking place in the ballroom of a luxurious hotel. You had all decided to check into the hotel the day before the event, in order to save time and familiarise yourself with the venue. Of course, according to your job description, you also had to run through the possible questions Charles could be asked with him.

Although Charles loathed you, he had to admit you were good at your job and managed to prepare him for every possible scenario, which is why he hadn’t begged Mattia to fire you, at least not yet.

You sighed as you reached the check in desk, all you wanted to do was flop onto the hotel bed and sleep until the morning. You gave the lady behind the desk your name and watched as she quickly typed on the computer in front of her. “Ah yes, Y/N and Charles, room 506”

Your eyes widened at her words as you shook your head. “No no, that can’t be right” you pleaded as you leaned your arms against the counter.

“Im sorry ma'am, but the booking is for the both of you” she explained with apologetic eyes as she handed you the room key.

“Take your time, Y/N. Not like we aren’t all exhausted from our long trip” you heard Charles scold from behind you. You quickly turned around and shoved the room key into his chest.

“Politetly, go fuck yourself, Leclerc” you muttered as you shouldered past him and walked straight to Mattia on the other side of reception. Mattia sighed once you walked over and gestured for you to begin arguing with him, he knew it was going to happen.

“Why? Why would you stick me in a room with that-that imbecile!” you snapped.

“Listen, Y/N, i know how much you dislike him and vice versa, but everyone had to be paired with someone and I thought this was the best option for you both” he explained with a soothing voice.

“Why do I have to be with her?” you heard Charles ask from behind you. You felt small standing in front of him, his broad frame practically trapping you between him and Mattia.

“Y/N is your PR manager, it's her job to prepare you for this event” Mattia once again calmly explained

“And she couldn’t do that over breakfast?” Charles inquired, you could feel his tense gaze on the back of your head and you whipped around scoffing at him as you placed your hands on his hips.

“Don’t act like this was my idea! Not everyone wants to share a room with you Charles, get your head out of your ass”

Charles opened his mouth to throw a rude remark your way but Mattia stopped him before he got the chance. “The both of you are sharing this room, whether you like it or not. I think everyone would prefer if you took this time to sort out your problems instead of bickering like children. I’ll see you both at breakfast. Goodnight,” he scolded as he walked off with his luggage in tow.

You felt your cheeks redden as embarrassment creeped up your shoulders. “Are you trying to get me fired?” you accused Charles as you grabbed your own luggage and made way for the elevator.

He shrugged in response, “Wouldn’t be the worst thing” he muttered, stepping inside with you. You pressed your floor number and sighed in frustration. “Can you stop breathing so loud?” he groaned, rolling his eyes.

“It was a sigh, dipshit.”

“Trust me, i don't want to be near you as much as you don't want to be near me”

“Glad we're on the same page” you replied, stepping out of the elevator and storming to your room, which in hindsight was a foolish idea as Charles had the key and you had to wait for him as he took his sweet time walking up the hallway.

He unlocked the door with a smug look on his face and stepped in before you, dropping his luggage on the floor as he surveyed the room. “You have got to be kidding me” he complained once he saw the double bed in the middle of the room.

“Oh what is it now, Charles?” you asked as you shut the door behind you “is the carpet not to your liking? Is it too bright? Are there no chocolates on the pillow” you continued and slipped off your shoes, “do you want me to - oh shit” you cursed as you saw the predicament you both were in. “Looks like you're sleeping on the floor” you shrugged whilst walking towards the bed.

“I am NOT sleeping on the floor,” Charles complained.

“What? And you think I am?” you argued, once again placing your hands on your hips.

“I don’t see why not,” he commented, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I am not sharing a bed with you, Leclerc! So you,” you jabbed a finger at his chest, “are going to have to step off your mighty throne and take the gentleman approach and sleep,” jab “on,” jab “the floor,” you snapped.

Charles raised his eyebrow as he stared at you. You could cut the tension between the two of you with a knife, it was almost unbearable. You had never fought this long, somebody had always interrupted you both before you got the chance to really push each other's buttons. “I'm going to say this nice and slow, sweetheart,” Charles growled, taking a step forward, you in turn took a step back as you removed your finger from his chest, “I’ll take the high road, we can share the bed just this once, as long as you stop acting like the spoiled princess that you will never be” he continued to walk towards you as he spoke and you were eventually trapped against the wall.

Charles moved his hand to lie on the wall next to your head, the distance between the two of you becoming smaller and smaller by the second. “I might be ready to step off my throne but are you ready to be a good girl and step off yours too?” he concluded. 

“Bite me, Charles” you retorted and something in the both of you snapped as you grabbed his face in your hands and he roughly grabbed your waist. Your lips violently pressed against his as your tongues practically fought against each other. You almost moaned at the force of his kiss, but refused to give him the satisfaction.

Charles pulled away, giving your mouth a final short kiss before he moved to mark your neck. “Come on, princess. Stop being stubborn for once in your life and let me hear the noises that you can make''

You however kept your mouth shut, Charles smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “If that's how you want to play it,” he smirked before gently grabbing your breast and slipping his hands into the waistband of your leggings. He rubbed circles on your clit as he pinched your nipples. “I want to hear you, sweetheart,” he grunted.

You rolled your eyes back in pleasure and involuntarily let out a moan. Charles felt his dick twitch in his pants and cockily grinned as he kissed right under your nose. “Good girl,” he whispered. It wasn't long before his trousers were discarded as well as your own leggings. You hadn’t moved however and were still pressed up against the wall. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked and although you felt your heart skip a beat you rolled your eyes at him and nodded.

“Yes, please just - just hurry up” you squirmed against the wall. That seemed to be all the validation he needed. He slowly put a condom on before easing into you. You scrunched your eyes at the uncomfortable feeling and tapped him to move. Your lips parting on their own accord as the feeling was replaced with pure pleasure. Charles forcefully grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his waist, providing him with a better angle for both himself and you.

“O-oh shit” you moaned as you scraped your nails down his shoulders to his arms, which left harsh red marks in their wake. Charles moaned at the feeling and you were almost aroused by the sound. Almost.

One of Charles hands were digging into the soft flesh of your thigh while the other moved to wrap itself around your neck, his signature pinky ring digging into the flesh of your skin causing you to mimic his actions and let out a moan at the pain.

“You like that?” he grunted as he continued to thrust into you, lightly placing some pressure on your throat, not enough to suffocate you, he didn't hate you that much, but enough for you to enter a state of pure bliss.

“I hate you, Leclerc” you found yourself muttering but you certainly did not hate him at that very moment.

“Feelings mutual, love”

You continued to scrape your nails across his back, desperate to pull more moans out of him. Charles however, didn't like being the only vulnerable one and removed his hands from your throat, he grabbed both of your hands in his own and shoved them upwards, beginning his assault on your chest.

Your toes curled as he hit all the right spaces, you knew you were close but you really didn’t want to be the first one to let go. Charles could feel the clenching of your walls and smirked into your chest. “Are you close, princess?” he asked, bringing his mouth to your lips and for some reason you found yourself kissing him back.

“No” you blatantly lied.

You moved your head closer to him when he pulled away but he refused to connect your lips once more and you found yourself pouting at the lack of attention. God, how pathetic had you become.

“Now, i knew you were a spoiled brat but i didn't take you for a liar as well”

“Glad to know your ego has no off moments, Charles” you scoffed and were about to start an argument before he began slowly pounding into you, his precise thrusts made it extremely difficult to formulate a sentence let alone hold onto the knot in your stomach. So, against your brain telling you not to, you let go.

You would have fallen onto the ground if it wasn’t for Charles' strong grip trapping you against the wall and his own body. The noises that he made as he reached his own high caused your heart to flutter in your chest and you began to wonder if having sex with him was a bad idea.

“Are you okay?” he asked after he had pulled away from you. You nodded your head as you furrowed your eyebrows

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” you asked.

You were surprised the both of you were capable of having a normal conversation, but you supposed nothing could be normal between you after that.

Charles gently ran a finger across your neck and by the look on his face you knew you looked worse for wear. “I kind of lost myself in the moment, I’m sorry if I hurt you. Really I am” he clarified.

“Its okay” you sighed as you rubbed your neck, “lets just go to sleep”

“I’m still not sleeping on the floor”

“Just stay on your side of the bed, Leclerc”

[rexsjaigeyes]

✨ can I get literally anything from Steve Murphy's POV? (I love all your stuff I swear but I just keep going back to Steve.)

Jen my beloved, thank you for the request! Somehow this ended up being longer than the actual fic so ig I got carried away ldjsksks

From a certain point of view ask game

Handcuffs (Steve's POV)

Read Handcuffs - I recommend you read this first if you haven’t already!

Pairing: Steve Murphy x female reader

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: dom/sub undertones, dry humping, thigh riding, implies masturbation and using handcuffs

Steve had to admit that he loved seeing you like this — brows furrowed in frustration and a small pout on your lips as you fought to keep distance between his body and yours. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. “You’re cute when you’re mad,” he said with a smile.

You scoffed and shoved his chest playfully, but Steve caught the way your lips twitched as you tried not to laugh along with him. You groaned before saying, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

He smirked and moved his hands down to caress your body. His fingers played with the hem of your short dress, and he felt a small pang of guilt that you got all dressed up for nothing. You looked gorgeous, and he couldn’t help but trace the exposed skin of your thighs as you readjusted yourself on the couch. If you really were still mad at him, then he had his ways of making you forgive him. And it seemed like he was already doing a damn good job of distracting you since you seemed to forget that he asked you a question. Trying not to smile too proudly, he looked up from your thighs and raised a brow, waiting for your answer.

You seemed to snap out of it, but he noticed the way you squeezed your thighs together before responding. “Don’t use that damn Southern charm on me,” you muttered and tried to wriggle away from him.

But Steve didn’t want one inch of space between you. He intended to play this game as long as it took for you to forget what pissed you off tonight; he wanted to make up for his absence, and he’d do anything to show you how sorry he was. He grinned as he reached for the bottom of your dress.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Steve whispered coyly before leaning forward to press gentle kisses on your neck.

He felt you shiver in his arms, and it encouraged him to leave more open-mouthed kisses at the base of your neck, in that spot he knew made you moan. Just a little while longer, and he’d have you in the palm of his hand… or so he thought.

Steve slid his hands beneath your dress before making an ascent to the waistband of your panties. But as soon as his fingertips met the lace of your underwear, he felt you stiffen. He thought maybe you were still working on forgiving him for forgetting your date, but as he pulled away from your neck to meet your gaze, he recognized the newfound determination on your face. Before he could say a word, you grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from your legs. Steve watched with wide eyes as you straddled his lap. It felt like you stole the breath from his lungs when you placed his hands to rest on the back of the couch instead of on your body.

The look on your face said you had a plan, and Steve was intrigued with the sudden turn of events. He thought he’d be the one in control tonight, using his charm and teasing touches to help you relax. But even though you caught him off guard, his cocky smile still remained plastered on his face as he waited for your next move. What exactly did you have in mind tonight? He wasn’t used to being at your mercy during sex, but the devious look in your eyes made his stomach do flips — maybe he could get used to this. The change in position and your firm hands holding him in place made him feel a bit timid now, and the only thing hiding it was the faux smirk of confidence he struggled to keep on his face.

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Stop smirking, you fucking asshole.”

Your words might have seemed harsh to anyone else, but the way you paired them with a quick peck on his lips told Steve that you enjoyed how smug he looked beneath you. He felt you deepen the kiss, and before he knew it, his hands found their way back to your ass. It was short-lived, though. You pulled away from his lips to give him a disappointed look, and fuck, you looked so hot like this — like you expected better of him, and like Steve had to follow some unspoken rule without question.

You made a soft ‘tsk’ of disapproval before saying, “Did I say you could touch me?” You rolled your hips against his lap, causing his mouth to open in surprise as he groaned softly. “Put your hands back on the couch, Steve. You don’t deserve to touch me yet.”

He raised a brow, a part of him wanting to test how far you’d go if he didn’t listen. But he reluctantly let go of you and returned his arms to the back of the couch. He wasn’t sure what it was about your change in demeanor that made him listen wordlessly, but he didn’t want to think about it too hard. Something about the way you smiled at his obedience made him want to do his best to listen to whatever you told him tonight. Then you started grinding again — a little harder this time — and Steve didn’t know if it was your way of punishing him or rewarding him. Either way, he had to clench his jaw to stop himself from moaning in pleasure — the bratty part of him didn't want to give you the satisfaction of hearing him yet.

“See what you missed while you were at work?” God, he hated how smug you sounded. And if he wasn’t concentrating so hard on keeping his hands to himself, he would have fired back with a witty response to make you as disheveled as he currently felt. Steve could only watch as you readjusted yourself on his lap, lowering your body to straddle his thigh instead and start grinding against it.

You alternated between light brushes against his lap and grinding with more pressure — and he desperately wanted you to pick up the pace. You were being a goddamn tease, and he felt himself slowly lose control of how loudly he moaned each time you pressed down on his cock. Steve had to ball his hands into fists to stop from touching you; it was even harder not to when he noticed your tight dress rode up your body as you gyrated your hips. It wasn’t a surprise that you caught the way he stared at the offending article of clothing. But Steve cursed under his breath when he watched you reach down to roll the bottom of your dress up above your waist, exposing the pair of black lace panties below.

“Fuck,” he whispered with a groan as he watched you ride his thigh.

You looked fucking sinful like this, taking your pleasure while staring down at him with lust written all over your face. As Steve raked his eyes up and down your body, he wondered if you had been planning to do this all night. If he had made it back in time for your date, would you have rewarded him with the feeling of your thighs wrapped around his head instead? And part of him wondered… while he took his time making it back home, did you grow impatient and touch yourself? One thing was for sure: Steve never wanted to miss another date with you after this, because it felt like sweet torture watching you get off on his thigh without him being able to touch you properly.

Steve groaned in frustration, not wanting it to end so soon purely because he couldn’t keep his hands on the couch. He knew he was being bratty, but he didn’t have it in him to care anymore. He slid his hands to your waist and tried to guide your hips so that you could continue riding him. But he should have known that he wouldn’t get very far without you stopping him.

He felt his mind escaping him as you pushed yourself down harder against his leg, rubbing your clit in the perfect position for you to let out a loud moan. If he was a betting man, he would have said your panties were soaked through at this point, and he could have sworn he felt the heat from your aching pussy through the thick fabric of his jeans. Shit, was it possible for you to reduce him to a whimpering mess? Because Steve felt his self-control fading quickly, and he couldn’t stop himself from jolting beneath you as you pushed yourself down harder with a needy gasp. His hands moved to grab you before he even realized what he was doing, but he knew he made the wrong move once you stopped grinding on his thigh to glare at him.

You grabbed his biceps before saying, “I hope you’re not this bad at following orders at the DEA.”

Steve didn’t give a shit about how needy he seemed now. He just wanted to feel every inch of you, and he showed his intent by trying to move your hips again. You both knew he was much bigger and stronger than you — and he could move your body however he wanted to — but one look from you and he knew not to do anything more than just a light tug of your hips. With a sigh, he released you, resigning himself to actually behaving if he wanted the night to get anywhere. But to his dismay, you got off his lap and stood in front of him before pulling your dress back down your legs.

Fuck, were you done having fun already?

He held his breath as he watched you walk towards the bedroom before calling out to him. “Well? Aren’t you coming?” He heard your soft laugh as he got up faster than he was proud of and met you in two long strides. Without giving it a second thought, he growled softly and tried to reach for you once more, but you placed your hands on his chest to stop him. “Nuh-uh, not so fast,” you teased. “You still haven’t earned the right to touch me yet.”

Steve groaned, and against his better judgement, tried to grab your waist again. “You know I’m not good at this,” he said in exasperation. “I can’t keep my hands off you, baby.”

Alright, maybe he was trying to charm you again, but he wasn’t really lying. He felt so needy already, and the night had barely begun. And he couldn’t believe he was saying this, but something about the way you acted tonight made him want to beg for what he wanted — even if that meant he sounded whinier than usual.

One look in your eyes, and Steve knew that you hadn’t fallen for his attempt at charming you. But there was that devious look again, and it made him gulp in anticipation. He looked down at you as you leaned up to whisper in his ear. “Then go get your handcuffs because I’m going to be in charge tonight.”

---------

Tagging some buddies: @sirianisrock @ionlyjoinedforboydholbrook @holbrook-boyd @sabinemorans @phoenixhalliwell @all-tings-diego

[apparentlyaswarmofbees]

Hello I hope your doing well! I have a headcanon idea how would the brothers and previously undatebles react to a masseuse/masseur (people who give out professional massages)

Let's try this shall we~

Edit: I was informed by someone who is actually familiar with this field that the term Masseuse and Masseur can be seen as insulting in the profession, thank you for informing me again!

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The Boys and a Massage Professional/Therapist MC

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Warning: uncensored swearing, a lot of it asfkfkajshfkslajd

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Lucifer

Tense shoulders that could cut steel, harder than a fucking nokia phone from centuries to eons of stress, if I was a professional at massages I think I would be itching to grab onto those muscles of his like dough.

He will probably feel chills down his spine whenever you are around.

Won't take much convincing if the time is right to ask him to please let you release the pressure on him because dear fucking lord I wouldn't be able to just stand and watch either.

Good fucking luck in the process, when I say this man is stiff this man is STIFF.

He will be feeling so much better by the end of it there's a chance he will be slightly dazed.

Also it improved his mood which led to less harsh punishments, which now has led to more demands from others than from Lucifer himself for you to massage him.

I think you should start asking for payment at this point-

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Mammon

And talking about payment, you will definetelly need to ask it from this one because after the first time you gave it to him for free out of your own good will he started to come back for it all. the. time.

Okay, he's cute and the sounds he makes are so 👌. But damn boy this is not exactly so easy so please give something back??????

Well, you just need to say the word and he will always have something in ready to give you. A date at a place you have been wanting to go for a good while now or something you have had you eyes on for a good time.

It's a very win win kind of deal.

Though at some point when you massaged his legs he felt so light he ran faster than he could control and almost ran into a wall, actually no, he did ran into a wall there's a crack in there ouch-

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Leviathan

In which the cause of the second oldest running was probably to scape the demands for his money back from the third oldest, though Levi was definetelly too stunned by the lighting speed to react right away.

He now makes sonic jokes when refering to Mammon.

But going back to massages, this fucking snake has such a bad posture I would be in back pain just from watching him sit.

And don't expect it to be easy to fix that because everytime you touch him he just tenses up further.

I swear it would be easier to just knock him out and acupuncture him.

You will succeed at some point if you don't give up, and BOY he also makes some 👌😩 sounds.

They're a lot more dorkish and high pitched and he will definetelly not be functional by the end of it.

He will start trying to fix his posture from now on to not make your work go to waste.

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Satan

A curious cat that would just straight up ask for a session (not for free of course he already has something to give you back in ready) after witnessing the shenanigans above.

Not so stiff as Lucifer but still fucking hard, which is to be expected since he has so much rage bottled up.

Chances are he's turning into his demon form unconsciously.

It's a bit of an intimidating session not gonna lie, he is basically using it to relieve himself from part of his wrath so with every groan it feels like he's going to jump at you and rip you to shreds.

He won't of course, instead he will smile brightly by the end of the session and give you your reward for such a good job.

It's honestly worth it though you will probably be needing a massage yourself after-

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Asmodeus

And that's where pretty boy comes in! He doesn't have a professional tittle on him but he has centuries of experience so that's close right?

He will have all things ready, just say the word and he will give you the best payment for all your hard work ever: a chance to relax yourself.

And man he's good.

It's also not very tiring to massage him either, his smooth skin is addicting to touch, the atmosphere he will help set up will be perfect, and he also spills a lot of tea in between so that's a plus for entertainment.

Seriously whenever it becomes too much to be with the rest of the brothers just hit Asmo up and he's gotchu.

Private spa day comming right up.

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Beelzebub

He won't ask because it will completelly scape his mind.

He plays a lot of sports and does a lot of exercising so of course he has a lot of sore muscles.

And you can't tell me you wouldn't want to massage his belly, he's a glutton, it's literally asking for you to massage there.

Baby boy is always so gratefull, thanks to your aftercare on his legs, arms and torso, he has never felt lighter!

Which has led him to accidentally break some of the gym weights, win a sports game almost all on his own and make another restaurant suffer because he felt he could eat more than usual.

Although I would like to say you should proceed with the massages with caution, his smile is too precious to ever say no to.

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Belphegor

Easiest target ever, will probably sleep for 24 hours in one go right after.

And he won't wake up for shit.

Though once he wakes up after those 24 hours he will basically be wide awake for the next 24 hours, so honestly? This has turned out to be very useful in important ocasions.

Will often give out some whines in the middle of a session, possibly half asleep for the entire time.

I feel like he would feel quite ticklish in some places even though you wouldn't be purposelly trying to tickle him, probably.

And I know many of you love his laugh, so yeah that's a plus.

He will definetelly offer to massage you back, and yes he will be good at it, and no it's not because of experience, yes it's because he's too much of a genious and has basically learned through osmosis just from getting massages from you.

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Solomon

Let me tell ya, he's stiffer than you think.

Bad posture, centuries of responsabilities, strain from excessive use of magic and pacts and the weight of existence when you are both immortal and unable to die.

He could easily rival Lucifer and he won't even realize it.

Will definetelly agree to get a massage and will definetelly say "well I do feel a bit under the weather" and his muscles will definetelly feel a little bit more than just under the weather.

It's easier to chew on hard bread than massage Solomon.

He also offers to pay you back.

Do not agree to get a massage from him, I repeat, DO NOT.

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Simeon

If you didn't feel like touching that exposed waist of his then you're lying.

If you don't offer first, he will ask you for it at some point.

And man to have a literal angel right under you, letting out a few exhales of satisfaction and bliss with every move of your skilled hands and arms, sometimes a chuckle followed by a comment that could start a small conversation.

Smooth skin, perfectly shaped body, I don't think I would be able to get my hands off him either.

Massage his hands, from his palms to his fingertips, massage his shoulders, from his blades to his neck, thumbs pressing close to his spine.

He will gladly let you indulge yourself for as long as you wish.

.

Diavolo

Another one who's stiffer than you think.

You could literally jump on his back and it would feel like pavement.

Oh and he's now definetelly addicted to massage.

Of course he will also be paying you back with whatever you wish (don't make a joke and say something like 100,000,000 grimm, he will take it seriously-).

Depending on the day he may actually fall asleep, which is very cute.

On another note tho, have you ever thought about sleeping on his back? Because I have-

.

Barbatos

Good luck getting him to take off his clothes, even more good luck to catch him not being busy.

This man will gladly give out massages of his own (which could probably knock out a dragon because damn boy those hands are skilled) but will probably not be as easy to convince to get a massage.

It will take an extremelly tiring day to make him agree and it will be so worth it.

Why you ask? Because the look in his face will alway be so soft by the end of it. Pure gratefullness.

Since then he will start to actually seek you out from time to time, the little smile on his face almost looking excited.

[akaashioppa]

Promise Me?

pairings: baji keisuke x reader

summary: Baji promised you that you would have a great night. You, him, and Toman. He was out to have a good time too until the drugs came into play.

warnings: baji using drugs, curse words, angst, mentions of blood and teeth pulling. DONT DO DRUGS!

w/c: 1.6

a/n: Baji is a sweetheart and i know he’ll never do anything like this ☺️

A boy’s night was meant for the boys and only for the boys. The roaring sounds of the motorcycles, the blasting of the music did not go well with the anxiety that was soaring throughout your body. Baji being the crazy person he was, decided to bring you out to the club where all of the members of Toman would be.

You were standing near the game room with Baji’s hands firmly gripped around your waist. The sharp canines in his mouth were pressed against your delicate skin. The feeling of him kissing your neck all the way up to your ear was making you weak. 

“Hey, I’ll be over there with the boys. You stay here with Emma.” He muttered into your neck, His husky breath invaded your personal bubble. The scene was making you intoxicated with him and you didn’t care. All of the worries about coming here tonight with the gang completely washed away once you saw that smile. He was actually happy and not grumpy for once. Usually, he was a pain in your ass with his sudden outbursts of rage or the way he’ll set something on fire just because he wants to. 

“Okay baby.” You tried so hard not to stutter but Baji’s hand would accidentally slip into your inner thigh. The haze you were caught in finally came to a halt when his warm aurora left you. He stood by your side with his arms draped lazily around your shoulders. 

“Yo, Emma, Watch my girl will ya?”

“It’s okay, I can watch myself, babe. Let her enjoy herself on the dance floor...Go with the boys.” You pushed him gently in the direction of the boys. That particular grin on his face caused your heart to skip a beat. It was the same grin he gave you when he first told you that he was in love with you. He also showed that grin when he was ready to rip someone’s head off of their shoulders but you didn’t mind. It was hot either way he showed it. 

“Okay...I got you...remember that.” 

“I trust you.” He walked off into the distance towards the bathrooms where two other men stood. It was quite odd of a scene since the other boys were in the arcade playing pool and cards. He was the only one in the dark part of the room...No, he would never do anything that could make you uncomfortable. He promised since the first day you guys met that he would never lay a hand on you or show you the demons within him. Baji always wanted to protect you from any danger that awaited and tonight was no different. He made sure that there was a member in every corner of the club so nothing would happen to you.

Emma’s cheerful scream broke you out of your thoughts, “Come on (Y/N) let’s go grab some food from the food bar I’m starving.”

“I could go for some sushi.” 

You walked off from your spot with Emma’s hand in yours. There was a creepy feeling in the air, it’s been there since Baji left your side. He wasn’t with the boys which caused you to feel tense. Another reason was that he was still back there with those boys who now had something shoved up their noses. It looked as if they had tiny shovels in their noses.

‘There’s no way’

“Hey, Emma, Do yo-” 

The sopping feeling of dressing on your clothes helps you come to a rest. You looked down to see that there was a big stain on your shirt. The person who did it stood in front of you with a look of fear.

“I’m so sorry, let me help you!” The man in front of you launched into action, he fearfully began to wipe your shirt down with the paper towel in his hand. The crowd around you only grew from curiosity. You tried to speak, you tried to get him to stop but the words that were processing in your head wouldn’t allow you to speak them.

Emma grabbed you from the scene. She caught the signal that you were giving out. It wasn’t hard to miss since you stood there in complete shock. “We might need some water. Here there’s a family restroom. maybe we can use the water there.”

“Don’t I know you from somewhere? I think we went to the same middle school.” The man asked, you took a long look at him before you realized where you had seen him from.

“Yeah...Aren’t you Haruto?”

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m still as clumsy as ever.”

“It was a complete accident. You don’t have to worry, I'm sure Emma has a spare top in her bag.” You waved him off, he seemed much calmer now that you were almost clean.

Bang

The bathroom door was kicked in. Baji stormed through the door with two unfamiliar guys with him. He completely ignores you so he can grab Haruto by his collar forcing his head into the mirror behind him. “So you’re the culprit huh? What the fuck is your deal?”

“Baji! Put him down, it was an accident.”

“An accident huh? Look at you, you’re covered in shit.”

Baji threw Haruto across the room. He scanned the room until he found the perfect weapon, pliers. He snatched the tool from under the sink making sink water spray out everywhere. You watched in horror, the laughter from the other guys encouraging him to continue his menacing antics, it did not make the situation any better.  

“Can you please stop? You’re creeping me out.” Your voice was barely a whisper but it came out the stern. He seemed to have heard you cry out for him. His whole demeanor changed...he has more of a sinister feel to him.

“Why do you want me to stop? He needs to be taught a lesson. If not, then he will think that he can do it again.” He stood over Haruto with the pliers in his hand. He gave him a few kicks in the ribs just to toy with him. Emma tried to drag you out of the restroom but you stayed to face him.

He wiped his nose for the third time since he’s been here. This time a drop of blood followed behind it. You have been counting, ever since he left your side to be with those boys you have been observant of him. His sloppy posture, dilated eyes, his erratic behavior, and now he was having more mood swings than normal.

You tried to force the pressure that was forming in your throat away. You had to be strong, there were too many people out there that wanted to test you because they thought you were too weak to be Baji Keisuke’s girlfriend. So you put some bass in your voice and took a step forward. 

“Are you fucking high right now!?”

He smirked, “What does it look like, baby?”

“You son of a bitch” You scoffed, you marched your way over to him giving him a firm slap across his face. A gasp could be heard from the background. You and he both knew that all of Toman was here to see what was going on. 

“You promised me that you wouldn’t go to the extreme when it came to drugs! Look at you! You look like a fucking junkie, your fucking nose is bleeding and you don’t even care.”

He said nothing.

You reached down to grab the pliers only to be stopped by him. His strong grip from his hand wrapped around your wrist. “Get the fuck away from me”, he snarls.

You stare up at him and say nothing. The disbelief of him grabbing you and saying you engulfed your entire state of mind. He promised. You could only look into his dark orbs to see if he was actually being serious. It was no use, that demon he told you about was consuming him for the worst.

“You promised me that you would protect me tonight and yet you’re doing the most harm.” You placed a hand on his chest to feel his erratic heart beat. You knew what the white substance could lead to. His could actually burst if he got too excited.

He snatched your hand away from his chest,“I am protecting you! If only you’ll allow me to do my fucking job!”

Your hand was ripped away from Baji’s. It wasn’t him nor you.

Mitsuya pulled you into an embrace back from Baji. “The fuck is your problem Baji! Don’t you ever yell at a female like that! What the fuck!? Is this how you treat the woman you claim to love!?”

“What? You’d really think I’d hit a woman? I’m not your dad Mitsuya.” He stuck up his middle finger towards him with that annoying smirk on his face. “I’ll fucking kill you. Give me my girl.”

“I’m taking her home.”

You stood behind Mitsuya far away from Baji. You could see how badly he wanted to ruin Haruto. The blood lust in his eyes couldn’t fool anyone.

“Fine then. If that’s what she wants, take her home.”

“Don’t hurt him Baji. He didn’t do anything. Can you please just listen to me for once?” You were so emotionally drained from the situation that your words came out in a mumble. You knew what he was about to do. Your pleas would never get him to stop once his mind was already made up. 

He chuckled, turning his back towards you. The walked over Haruto again screamed that he would murder someone who got in his way. You sat there with a blank expression watching your boyfriend shove the pliers into Haruto’s mouth. No one dared to stop him, some watched out of pure enjoyment. 

 Mitsuya pulled you out of the bathroom before you could see your boyfriend in that state but you could hear his disturbing laugh and Haruto’s pleas for forgiveness.

“He’s too high to comprehend what’s going on right now. You’ll have to talk to him tomorrow.”

“But he promised me…”

[shemarmooresfedora]

If the World is Ending, I Want to Fuck You First

Summary: You need to do one last thing during the zombie apocalypse.

Pairing: Kyle Orfman (MGG character in Life After Beth) x Fem!Reader

MINORS DNI (18+ ONLY)

Content/Warnings: swearing, smut, blowjob, praise kink, sub!kyle, gun violence (used against zombies), vaginal sex, choking, fluffy ending (let me know if i missed anything)

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: okay i know this is a lesser famous mgg character but i beg of you to give this fic a try because i think it’s my best smut yet and i love the ending. you don’t need to have watched the movie to understand (i give a few visuals).

Masterlist

“Open the goddamn door, Jacob,” you pounded on your ex’s door, “I want my shit back.”

A car with sirens pulled up in the driveway. Great, you thought, the cops. But when you turned around, it was just an old tan sedan with ‘Briarwood Security’ written on it.

You turned back around, “Jacob, I know you’re fucking home, you cheating son of a bitch.

“What seems to be the problem here?” a tall, lean man with a slicked back undercut dressed in a beige security uniform approached the front door.

“My cheating ex won’t give me my stuff back,” you continued to pound at the door, “I have a laptop in there!”

He sighed and spoke quietly, “This is technically still trespassing because he didn’t necessarily steal it but let me see what I can do.”

“Jacob Peterson,” he knocked on the door, “This is Briarwood Security. I need you to open the door or I have the clearance to break it down.”

He whispered to you, “I actually don’t,” and you giggled.

Jacob swung open the door with your bag of stuff.

“Take your crap and go,” he shoved the bag into your arms.

“Gladly, asshole,” you checked to make sure everything was in there.

You nodded to the security guard and Jacob slammed the door once again.

“Do you need a ride home?” he asked, noticing your lack of a car.

“I live like a mile away so I just walked here but yeah, if you don’t mind, that would be great,” you accepted.

He opened the trunk for you to put your bag of belongings inside.

“Kyle,” you hummed, looking at his little name tag.

“And you are?”

“Y/N,” you stuck out your hand for him to shake and he accepted it.

“Kyle, I have a proposition for you,” you said as you entered the passenger side of the car.

“Okay…” he looked at you.

“Let me suck your dick.”

Kyle stared straight at you for a minute, not moving.

“Hello?” you asked, waving your hand in front of his face.

“Sorry, what did you say?” he snapped out of his daze.

“Let me suck your dick,” you repeated, “I don’t want his,” you pointed to Jacob’s door, “to be the last dick I sucked and I want him to see your car still parked out here, knowing exactly what we are doing. Plus, you get an orgasm out of it.”

“I’m on the job,” he tried to resist.

“If you really don’t want to, that’s okay. I’m not trying to pressure you. I just think this could be a mutually beneficial agreement.”

Kyle nodded, putting the car in reverse and starting to back out of the driveway. He made it about halfway before he braked and put the car back in park.

“Yeah?” you asked.

“Please,” he begged.

You looked down and as your eyes adjusted to the evening darkness, you could see the obvious bulge strain in his khakis.

You leaned over the center console, untucking his uniform and unbuckling his belt. You slowly unzipped his fly to tease him as he squirmed underneath you.

“Patience, my sweet boy” you hummed and your warm breath fanned out across his dick.

His needy whines were beautiful. You sat back up and removed your shirt, leaving you in just a lacy bralette.

“Please,” he pleaded again.

“Because you asked so nicely,” you leaned back down and licked a long strip up from the base of his dick to the tip, swirling your tongue at the top.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his hands moving to your hair.

“Hands off,” you ordered and he whined but complied.

You took him in inch by inch. He was certainly the biggest you’ve ever been with. You gagged when he bottomed out in your throat.

You could feel him using all his self-control to restrain his hands to his side.

You bobbed your head up and down, taking up a quick pace. His melodic groans filled the car.

“I’m gonna-” he panted, “Can I please cum?”

“Yes, you’ve been such a good boy for me, baby. Let go. You can touch me now,” you spoke.

His hands moved to your hair just as his hips bucked up, shooting his load into your mouth. You accepted it all with a moan and swallowed.

You took a few more gentle sucks before releasing him from your mouth. As you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, Kyle stared at you adoringly.

“Ummm, thank you? I’m not really sure what to say,” he finally spoke.

“Just drive,” you laughed.

-

You woke up to a loud crashing sound coming from downstairs. You reached for your cell but it was dead even though it was plugged in. The power must have gone out. You grabbed your emergency battery-powered flashlight from underneath your bed and your bottle of pepper spray.

You quietly snuck down the stairs but when you turned the corner, you came face-to-face with your old kindergarten teacher who died a couple of years ago. She was definitely dead but still walking somehow. You screamed as she tried to grab you as you ran for the door.

You burst out of the door to see the street crawling with zombies of dead people you used to know. You ran towards the direction of the police station. You got about a half a mile until the deceased retired high school football coach tackled you to the ground.

You fought and kicked and screamed, trying to avoid him biting you. You thought it was over until you heard the sound of a gunshot and the zombie limply collapsed on top of you. You pushed it off with a yelp.

A hand reached down to help you up, you looked up to see Kyle standing there in a slightly bloody orange jumpsuit.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You nodded slowly.

“We should get off the street but I’ve cleared this whole neighborhood so we should be okay,” he grabbed your hand.

You looked down at your interlocked hands, “I don’t know if it’s just the adrenaline talking but if the world is ending, I want to fuck you first.”

Kyle smiled softly, “It would be a hell of a last memory but I won’t let anything happen to you.”

He pulled you towards his house and jumped the fence to his backyard.

“I don’t think zombies can climb,” he said, looking up at his childhood treehouse.

“This is a first,” you laughed softly as you headed up the ladder with Kyle right behind you.

“I can feel your eyes staring at my ass,” you said as you climbed the ladder.

“It’s right in front of me! Where do you want me to look?” he defended himself.

“Didn’t say it was a bad thing,” you smirked.

Immediately upon crawling into the treehouse, your lips were on his.

“How do you want it, baby?” you whispered into his ear.

“Ride me, please,” he whined.

You put a hand on his chest and gently pushed him back onto the wooden floor. You unzipped his jumpsuit hastily, ripping your shirt and shorts off in the process.

You released his dick from the confines of his tight black boxers and stroked it a couple of times.

“You ready?” you asked as you lined yourself up above him.

“Yes,” he nodded enthusiastically.

You sank down on his dick, adjusting to the feeling of him inside you. Kyle’s head fell back in pure pleasure.

You wrapped a tentative hand around his neck, only applying more pressure when his moans increased in volume.

His hips were bucking up to meet yours at a ferocious pace.

“Ah fuck! I think I just got a splinter in my ass,” he yelped.

“Shhh baby, you can take it. You’re fucking me so good, my sweet boy,” you continued to ride him and guided his hands up to your boobs.

Kyle groaned at the praise, “I’m close-God, I’m so close.”

“Give me a few more seconds. I know you can, baby,” you frantically rubbed your clit in order to finish with him.

“Okay, fill me up like a good boy,” you whispered into his ear.

Kyle’s hands grappled at your hips as he bucked up into you one last time. As you both came down from your highs, you collapsed on top of him.

The two of you just laid like that for a while. Catching your breath while soaking up the skin-to-skin contact.

“You know I was going to go back to your apartment and ask you on a date? You know…before the whole world went to shit. Besides giving me the best blowjob of my life, you just seemed like a really cool, beautiful girl,” Kyle admitted.

“Too bad you didn’t get the chance, I would have said yes.”

“Can I leave you here for just a second?” he asked quietly.

You hugged him closer, “I would prefer it if you didn’t.”

“Well, I would prefer it if you stayed up here where I know it’s safe. I need to get supplies and I’m armed,” he reasoned with you.

“Promise you’ll come back,” you had tears in your eyes.

“I promise,” he held out his pinky and you wrapped yours around it, both of you kissing your fists.

You and Kyle got redressed and you watched him climb down the ladder and head into his house with his gun fully loaded. And then, you waited. You counted the seconds. You were at 381 when he finally returned.

“Thank god,” you let out a sigh of relief.

He started to unpack the bag he brought with him. He pulled out a blanket and set it on the floor for you both to sit on. Then, pillows. Next, he pulled out leftover cold pizza.

“Ah, gourmet,” you jokingly smiled.

He pulled out red solo cups and placed one in between you both, putting in a rose he plucked from his mom’s rose bush.

Finally, he pulled a very expensive bottle of whiskey from the bag and filled your cups.

“My dad was saving this for a special occasion, I think zombies coming back from the dead and the world ending qualifies,” he grinned.

The world didn’t end. In fact, you were just starting your new life with your future husband.

taglist (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @jswessie187 @rem-ariiana @hoodpankow @mochionly @spencerreid-187

[thestarrynightslover]

You and Me

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 2,649

Warnings: Angsttt, slight swearing, mentions of harassment and violence (all show-like, tho).

Summary: Jay and (y/n) were trying to navigate their secret workplace romance when an unexpected event agitates their feelings about it.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: No, I am not very sure of what exactly this is, sorry! I think it turned out kinda messy but, being honest, I just really wanted to write their interactions within that kind of angst! 

Anyways, I hope this isn’t too bad and I am very sorry about dropping this kind of imagine instead of something good enough to help us heal from the finales.  

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

It had been about 20 minutes since you finally convinced Kevin that you were okay and that he should go home when you heard someone knock on the door. You knew it was him. It had to be him. You needed it to be him. So you quickly moved to open, after checking the peephole. As soon as there was a hint of an opening, you felt Jay’s arms around you, his breath on your neck, and his voice cracking with concern.

"Oh my God, baby, I was so worried about you!" He sounded absolutely desperate, his arms enveloping you in just the way your own despair required him to.

"I know, I know... I just... I-" You tried to let out but couldn't continue because you'd started sobbing. Around Jay, it was inevitable for you to put your walls down. And, almost as soon as your tears started to fall, your boyfriend brought you even closer; holding you tightly by the waist with one arm, the other stroking your hair.

"Shh, it's gonna be okay, princess. You're okay now." He told you, but the truth was he wanted to cry as well. Not only had those past days been pure agony for him — a lonely agony —, but, also, because, even with you like that, you both knew that Jay wouldn't be able to keep a promise to stay the night if he got a call from work. Because no one knew that he needed to stay by your side. That you needed him there. Because no one knew how much all of that was hurting him, too. Because no one knew anything.

"I'm just- I just came so- so close this time, you know?" You tried to let him in on how you were feeling, pulling away a little so you could see his face better.

"I know." He replied, letting out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "And it all happened so suddenly, I felt so stupid, powerless..." Jay confessed, as he remembered the operation that’d gotten you abducted, leaving the entire team with no clue on how it happened. 

But, for your boyfriend, it was pretty clear, though: the two of you were covering one side of the building and, afraid you might get upset with him for hovering, he didn’t have your back the way he should have. It was his fault that it all happened to you.

"Jay... That wasn't your fault, okay?” You stated firmly, as if you knew exactly what he was thinking. “None of us could've guessed that it would turn into something that, um, bad..." You said, not being able to stop the shiver that ran through your body, which made Jay go back to holding you close.

"Still, I should have done a better job at protecting you-" He started to mutter quietly in your hair, but you stopped him with a disapproving look.

"Stop, okay? Just stop! I'm a cop too, I have been a cop for about the same time that you have and I never needed or had a boyfriend protecting me in some special manner on the job!" He just stared at you, shock and hurt in his eyes.

"I know that, okay? I do know that." He told you quickly, as his hands went up from your sides, in a sign of surrender. "And I'm sorry if it came across as if I thought any differently. I'm sorry, baby. It's just that-" He paused for a moment, looking so hurt while sighing deeply, "It was really hard to not know what was going on with you, even after you went to the hospital... I mean they called Kevin to go stay with you in the hospital!" Another sigh, this time, an annoyed one. "And, seeing that, I guess that I just- I just wished that none of it had happened?"

"Jay..."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying this right now. I'm making this about me, when it's actually about you, geez." He reprehended himself while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No, no! It's okay. Because this is about you, too. And I'm glad you're telling me how you feel." Hearing that, he just looked at you and wondered about how on Earth he had managed to snatch someone like you. "First things first: what happened to me wasn't your fault. I don’t say this often but: as great a partner as Kevin is, I love working by your side. And, I do it without any fear or concern because I know you'll have my back. One hundred percent." You assured him while giving his hand a gentle squeeze, "now, the second thing: you do know that they only called Kevin because he is my partner, right?"

"I, uh, I do know that," yet another sigh.

"Okay, Jay. I love you and I really need you right now. But, if you don't stop sighing and just say what you wanna say already, I will kick you out of here." At that, he couldn't help but to let out a soft chuckle. God, you loved his smile.

"I don't wanna upset you with this. Especially now. But, I guess, I just would have liked to be the one they called." Seeing the instant frown you made, he clarified: "Not as your partner. As your boyfriend."

You had to admit that, even though you knew going public with your relationship was something Jay thought a lot about, you weren't expecting him to say that at all. Not at that moment, at least. And, being the not-so-calm person you were, the conversation quickly took a turn.

"What the hell? I just got back from the worst moment of my life and you wanna use that- pry on that to pressure me into going public?" God, that was harsh. You knew as soon as the words left your mouth. You regretted it as soon as the words left your mouth. But you didn't dare to open it again, as you watched his face go from hurt to annoyance and then a hint of anger.

"You're kidding, right?" You didn't answer. "Please, tell me you're kidding?"

"Babe, I'm-"

"You're what? You're sorry? Because, man, that shit you just said? That hurt!" He stood there in silence for a moment before continuing: "do you have any idea of what these past days were like for me? You think I'm bringing this up now just because I wanna shout to everyone that you're my girlfriend? Claim you as mine or whatever bullshit reason you think I have for wanting to go public?” You still couldn’t say anything, so he went on, “well, it's not any of that. I'm talking about this because you were missing for two entire fucking days that felt like forever to me, but I couldn't tell anyone how I'd die if anything happened to you because, hey! I was respecting your wishes! I felt guilty about the operation and thought that the least I could do was keep my pain all to myself. Which is kinda funny because you're always telling me not to bottle up my emotions!" By then you were crying, just because you were too mad at yourself for making him feel like that, and he paused but only to take a breath: "But, you know that all of that wasn't even what hurt the most? The worst part was when I got a text from Burgess on the chat group saying that they'd found you and had taken you to Med, but that we could continue doing our surveillance on one of the offenders because Kev was already on the way there!" He shouted this time, which made you wince a little — even though he looked more hurt than angry, really. Running his hands through his hair, Jay completed: "and, now, that I'm finally able to be with you- to- to know for myself that you're okay! You suggest that I was-" He couldn't even finish the sentence, which showed even more just how distraught he truly was. "I guess I just- I just can't believe that you don't see that all I wanna do is be here. With you. Taking care of you. Which is all I wish I could’ve done at the hospital, too…"

"I know, Jay." You whispered with a weak voice. Unsure that he'd heard you, you tried it a bit louder: "I know, Jay. And, trust me, I am so sorry for what I said! I don't- I just… I just wish it didn't have to be this complicated…" You knew what that sounded like. And, God, you were terrified about it. How could not you find anything good enough to say?

"Maybe I shouldn't be saying this… Maybe I shouldn't be trying anymore…” Because it sure looks like you gave it up, he wanted to add, "but I- I need to at least ask. Why does it have to be so complicated?"

"Jay, babe-"

"No! Don't do that! Don't try and stall me with that soft tone! I just wanna know why!"

"You know why, Jay!"

"I don't! I really don't! Or have you forgotten that all you did so far was give me half-ass excuses about privacy and being shy?"

"Okay! You wanna know why?" You half-asked, half-barked at him, "it's because I am scared of what will happen! That's why! Throughout all of my career, I've had to prove myself, then I got this sort of arranged job at Intelligence which not only threw all of my hard work to hell but, also, never lets me rest because it never really feels like I'm a part of that so-called family you guys have! And Voight? Every single day I still feel like he's testing me! Giving me the silliest assignments and being overly mad whenever I get the lead on a case! But, somehow — as messed up as it may sound —, I don't wanna lose that job! I don't wanna risk going back to the unit I came from, where I was constantly harassed and intimidated!" You blurted it all out, only stopping to take a breath while Jay simply stood there looking completely shocked. "And you, Jay, as great as you are — and you're literally the best thing that's ever happened to me —, you can very easily put all of that at risk." Now it was your turn to sigh. You could only hope that you sounded as defeated as you felt: having to give up the guy who was probably the love of your life just to not go from one toxic work environment back to an even more toxic one. Your mouth tasted sour after that realization, which just made you remember how sweet Jay's always was.

"You never told me any of that." He muttered quietly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"I know and I'm sorry. I just… Thought it would get better. Eventually."

"You know I could have helped, right?" He stated sadly, then adding with a shred of hope: "You know… Maybe I still can?"

"Jay… Let's just not make this harder. Please."

"Just hear me out for a second: you are a part of our family." At that you just scoffed and looked the other way, making him pull your chin to connect your eyes again. "You are. I said I was going crazy with you missing but they all were too, including Voight."

"Yeah, right."

"It's true! Why would I lie to you about this? He looked truly haunted and, if I'm being honest, I think he just hoped he wouldn't get too close to you, to keep his head on straight in case something like this ever happened." He gulped harshly before continuing, "in case something worse happened. I think he simply can't handle losing anyone else, (y/n/n)."

"Y- you really think that?" You asked him and, you'd be lying if you said that you didn't get just a little hopeful.

"I do, darling," he told you in a soft tone. "And I'm not making excuses for him here or anything, okay? I'm just tryna tell you that we can deal with Voight. We can deal with rumors. I swear I will fucking kill anyone who dares to even touch your name on that stupid department!"

"Jay!" You started to reprehend again, even though you knew that he was just trying to lighten the mood. "That is exactly the kind of stuff you can't even think about doing after we go public!" You told him while spatting his arm.

"Ouch! Wait a second, did you really just say after we go public?" The way his eyes twinkled at that moment was enough to get you to agree with anything he wanted, really.

"But, hey! Don't get all exci-" You couldn't finish your sentence as he had already swept you off your feet and started kissing you all over. It hurt a little, due to your bruises, but it's not like you actually gave a damn about it.

"Don't get excited? Lady, I'm already over the moon!" He told you with the biggest smile you’d ever seen.

“Oh, God. You look so damn cute right now!! I can’t believe that I-” You cut yourself off because your voice started to crack while a big amount of sorrowful tears rolled down your cheeks. Seeing you like that, once more, made Jay start panicking a little, scared that maybe you were backing down on your relationship again.

“Baby? What’s wrong? Talk to me, please, (y/n/n).” Hearing the confusion in his plead sort of brought you back to say:

“I- I just can’t believe that I said the things I said to you! I hurt you! I hurt you in the kind of way I was scared you were you gonna get hurt when it seemed like I was gonna-”

“Don’t you dare complete that sentence, okay?!?” He half-asked, half-begged you, letting on so much heartbreak, “first of all: nothing could have ever hurt me in the way you being gone did. No matter how hard you might have tried, you just wouldn’t be able to get there, girl.” He said more casually, shrugging his shoulders in a way that made you crack a small smile. “And, second: I don’t want you thinking about me, in any way, when you're out there in the field. You just can't, love."

"I know, but at that moment, I-"

"Look, princess, you need to promise me that you will try your best to never do that again, okay? Because if you do, if the people we chase see any weaknesses they'll take advantage of it. And, then... But I know it's hard. You're the first thing on my mind whenever something goes south too, but I just- I love you too much to face the idea of losing you! So you need to promise me that you will keep your head one hundred percent focused on whatever is at hand, please, babe!" He begged you with such urgency in his voice that new tears started rolling down your already marked face.

"Oh, Jay... I love you, too, okay? More than anything in the world! But you know that, when we're in that kinda moment, our minds sometimes just wonder..." Seeing his concerned expression, you decided to add: "However, if you promise me you'll try your best to focus on your work, in the same way, I'll promise it too." At that, he gave you a cheeky smile.

"Deal. Now let's get you in bed cause it's been a long couple of days, detective." He said, picking you up one more time and carrying you to your bedroom.

"Oh my God! Jay, put me down!!" You squealed out, though you didn't really want him to put you down, ever.

[honourablejester]

Shadow & Bone Reaction

Okay, so I watched Shadow & Bone last night. Stayed up until 5am to manage it, so this is going to be muddled, but howandever. Spoilery and involved first impressions from someone who has not read the books below:

Right, so the Ketterdam crew are my favourites. Obviously. This was guaranteed

All three of them, I cannot decide between them

Jesper is a gambling addict which does grind my miserly gears a bit, but he’s also lovely and adorable and quite possibly the most badass person on the show, which is an achievement, and his interactions with Inej are beyond adorable, so I love him with all my heart

That thing Inej said to Alina? Whenever you need it, my hand is yours? That is me for Inej. More on this later

Kaz is a vicious little gremlin of a man with a badly hidden streak of loyalty, and he’s exactly my stripe of guile antihero, so of course I adore him madly

The absolute chaos of them just … accidentally poking their oars into the entire rest of the plot is beautiful beyond belief. They’re just there and mucking things up for everybody like someone threw a bag of spanners into an engine, and it’s beautiful

I was surprisingly really on board for Mal and Alina. Particularly them as kids, this pair of tiny scrappers against the world

I also loved the whole First Army part at the beginning. Like, Mal’s pair of friends, Mikael and Dubrov, they’re adorable (and I fucking screamed later, with the machine gun, you bet), him and Alina in the camp, his friends teasing him about her, him stealing Grisha grapes for her. The show got right in on the friendship and the love there, and honestly I was there for it

The Darkling, on the other hand …

Right. So. I expected him to maybe be … more subtle than he was? I mean, I think everyone’s expecting him to go villain here, so it probably wasn’t supposed to be that subtle, but …

That moment where Alina decides to kiss him. After being separated from Mal, with no communication with her old life, and with Kirigan being all sad and incredibly intense at her at random moments. Like. Long, long before we get to his whole forcibly altering her body to control her moment, I was looking at her kissing this dude and going ‘Oookay, okay lady, that’s, that’s not a good plan. I get that it’s Ben Barnes, do not blame you there, but that’s so not a good plan’

He just kept coming on so fucking strong, you know? The whole intense ‘I’ve been waiting for you my whole life’. He was bleeding desperation and control from the get go. And like, lots of people have those in this show, but where someone like Kaz or Inej feel like ‘I will stab you in the face right fucking now to get out of this alive’, Kirigan is very much, yes, ‘I will swallow your entire city in darkness and give a nice little speech about it to captive dignitaries who I’ll then murder because they shouldn’t have opened their mouths’

There’s more power there than the others, I think, so it feels less like ‘I’ll do what I have to do’ and more ‘I’ll do what I want’

Which his backstory was an interesting show on, yes, how he started out just as desperate as any of them, and then vengeance and black magic ate him. As it does. But still. He comes on too strong

(And the collar. The collar. Not even the massacre later matched that one for me, though Genya’s casual mention of him ‘gifting’ her at 11 came close. But it didn’t match the collar for visceral no. He mutilated Alina to implant a control device within her body. He can die in a ditch with his head covered in pitch and set on fire now. I can’t with him. No)

So, yes. Excellent villain, definitely, I just expected him to maybe take a bit longer to show it?

His minions are adorable, though. The two married heartrenders, Genya and the Durast she has the biggest danged crush on (gotta say, when Kirigan said he needed him for later, I was honestly expecting him to kill him for something, to hurt Genya, did not expect David to be in on the whole mutilating control collar thing)

The show did a lot of work humanising the various factions, so when you get moments like Jesper vs Ivan, round 1, you don’t want either of them to lose, because Ivan has a husband to go back to, and Jesper is Jesper. And then Jesper can’t shoot a pretty man in the face, and we’re golden

(Sidenote one: that scene was badass, holy shit, Jesper was playing with him, it was incredible)

(Sidenote two: Jesper vs Ivan, round 2? Less sympathetic on Ivan’s part)

(Sidenote three: the Ketterdam three vs Kirigan’s everybody was just, god I love them, we’re going to be straight badass all down the line, can you beat a centuries-old shadow sorcerer with a flashbang? An inferni with a knife? A heartrender with a gun while playing with him the entire time? Come to Ketterdam and find out! I love them)

Now. Now. The main thing for me. Inej. Inej and Alina and Kaz

The scene in the Little Palace where Alina shows her power. Ignoring everything that promptly went tits up for everybody. The look on Inej’s face. The look on her face. Hope and faith. From Inej, who’s been so hurt and desperate so far. Oh, that killed me. So much. I was there like, Alina, Alina, it’s not your fault, but you better be worth it, I know you don’t need the pressure but if you have to let anyone down, let it not be Inej. Not her. And Kaz Brekker, you sociopathic mushroom, do not fuck this up for her. Okay? Not this

And then he doesn’t. He doesn’t. He gives up a million kruge and potentially everything he has so he doesn’t have to break Inej’s faith. I loved him there. Right there

And like, he was trying to weasel something out of it. He was still trying to bully Alina all the way to the end, even after she saved his life, because he didn’t want to lose everything, he wanted to have some way to be able to bring Jesper and Inej back with him, because otherwise he was walking back to a city that hated him with literally nothing, since he’d mortgaged the Crow Club on Inej’s debt, and she’d walked out on him anyway, and he’d let her. So he tried to bully Alina, tried to force some way to let Inej come back, without actually forcing Inej. Just, you know, the saint she loved instead, and a woman who’d also just lost everything, and maybe could have used those jewels to stay ahead of pursuit for a while, but that’s not his problem. That’s not his problem

Kaz Brekker is a vicious horrible gremlin of a man, but not to his own, mostly, as much as he can avoid it, and like … did they know in advance what I like? Because that was it

(Him entering the fight on the skiff solely to save the other two, everyone else can die, but he’s going to dive Jesper clear of the Cut and hammer a volcra’s head in to save an unarmed Inej, that was beautiful. Even if I was a tiny bit annoyed at Inej for panicking and throwing her weapons away while outnumbered by flying things. No. Keep them close to stab anything that comes near you, honey, don’t throw them into the darkness. But Kaz saving his Crows was beautiful)

Also, to go back to Inej and Alina, just a little. How much do I love that Inej’s knife saved them all? Inej kissed her knife and planted in the Darkling’s chest, and it did fuck all to him, but then it’s the knife Alina used to take her freedom back and save them all

Inej’s knife freed Alina. Gave a slave her freedom back. Gave her saint her power. Not by killing, but as a tool to break a chain. I can’t. I really, really can’t. Whoever wrote that episode, thank you a lot

You may have guessed, I have feelings about Inej, and Alina, and Kaz, and freedom, and faith, faith in another power and faith in yourself and those you trust, and it’s all tied up in a knife and a debt, and people offering freedom to each other against their own best interests, and I really can’t with them. I can’t. I’m inarticulate over here

Like, this beautiful man did this hideous thing, made this horrible vicious collar, and then all these scared, battered little outcasts and ex-slaves and current slaves gave each other tiny moment after tiny moment after tiny moment that allowed them all to free each other

I can’t

And then Alina gave Inej her knife. The little letter opener that she’d robbed from the Little Palace. The little symbol of two tiny orphans having each other’s backs against the world. Alina gave that back to Inej

Inej’s knives are a whole thing. Kaz gave Inej a job, a way out of slavery, and it’s both joy and horror to her, freedom and damnation, she doesn’t want to kill people but that’s what knives are for, and it’s a freedom she sometimes forces herself to surrender out of trust in Kaz, and then she does kill people, but it’s to save those she cares for, to save Kaz, and then her knife saves them all as a key, not a murder weapon, and Alina, for whom knives are also a symbol of protection, for herself and those she loves, and now freedom as well, gives Inej hers as this tiny gesture that means so much …

And earlier, Kaz stopping her from killing the Conductor, and it was for his own reasons, it was because he needed the man for a job, but the fact that he did that meant that Inej’s first kill wasn’t a murder, an assassination to save herself, but a clean kill in defense of someone else. A kill she could explain to her saints. Especially the one that showed up, because Alina knows all about that

(And when her knives run out, when she’s lost them all on the skiff and is facing death, it’s Kaz who saves her, who pays his debt and preserves her freedom, because he can be trusted with them, with the knives and all they mean …)

And the two things Alina gives them. The knife for Inej, and the jewels for Kaz. A gift for the woman who saved her, and a bribe for the man who threatened her. And it’s exactly what they need. Both of them. It’s freedom and forgiveness and hope for them both. And she had no idea, she just gave what she had at the time. A saint by pure accident, like she’s been all along, but it meant the world. Sometimes all a person needs is one thing. A knife, a chance. A hope

Whoever was writing the thing with the knives, and the saints, and faith in yourself and those around you, you are a genius and I love you

And, like, I should move on. There were other things in the show. Nina and Matthias, I’ve pretty much not mentioned them at all (they are adorable, even as they’re basically Stockholming each other, and then the last episode hit, and everything was good, more or less, for everyone else, so that last fucking punch was a lot, thank you so much), I just …

Knives and faith. Inej, Alina and Kaz. I love everybody, but that was so much the thing that caught me here. That’s what I’m mostly getting out of this show right now