#I actually hate centipedes BUT drawing them is fun

[dove-skulls]

Warning for bugs!!!!

Look at this centipede I drew. What a silly guy.

[cookieblobber]

The Defense of Steven Universe’s (OG Show) Ending

(This is basically a post where I put everything I said in a large Twitter thread so it’s more easily readable, with maybe a few changes and additions.

Spoilers BTW)

So I’ve been drawing a lot of stuff lately and in doing so, I’ve been rewatching a lot of old shows I used to watch and finishing whatever I missed out on. Steven Universe was an interesting one, as I recall having some form of obsession with it as a kid on Google+, however I barely remembered watching a lot of it or if I even watched it on TV or on websites like Kisscartoon. And after doing so,

I barely see the hate for it that it’s gotten for years.

It has its flaws, and issues that have plagued the show outside of what’s within it, but it’s no doubt memorable with a great cast of characters and very unique and fascinating lore and story telling. Now, I don’t wanna really get into a whole deep dive review on the whole show, as even though I’ve made a couple of essays lately (mainly on Sonic the Hedgehog), I don’t think I’m that experienced to go over an entire 5 seasons explaining each and every episode’s strengths and weaknesses and allat (though maybe I might discuss the amazing character development of each crystal gem in the future, who knows?), rather I want to discuss something that is partially why I started watching this show again: The Ending - Change Your Mind (S5E29).

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Now, the ending is understandably mixed, I understand the critiques of it being weird and anticlimactic and all and how it doesn’t feel like the diamonds’ actions on gem history was fully acknowledged and been punished for it. I completely get the criticism here and I don’t want to drive away people from making actual critiques on the show and where it could’ve improved upon.

What I mainly want to focus on is the notion that the ending can be summed up to, “Steven forgave Gem Hitler”

That is very incorrect.

See, the whole reason why White Diamond (the “Gem Hitler”) was involved with the story was because after Steven was able to prove to Blue and Yellow Diamond that he’s Pink Diamond, he takes the opportunity to use their stronger powers to restore one of the corrupted gems (Centipede). This works…for a moment, as they’re only restored once all 3 put their healing powers to use, but upon letting go of the gem, they reform back into their corrupted version. With Steven technically being part of the Diamond Authroity, he thinks maybe he can take advantage of his position to be able to speak to White Diamond, the highest gem in the patriarchy, and convince her to come to Earth to help the corrupted gems.

Throughout these last episodes, it’s clear this is all for a demand to help gems that were stuck on Earth. While Steven wanted to just try and talk to White, and convinced Blue and Yellow to express how they feel about how White has handled their civilization, there’s never a point where he’s all like “look inside your heart, please you have so much good in you I can feel it” or whatever. Considering how he had to fuse with the Crystal Gems and team up with others who showed up to be able to fight her mech and barely reach to the top of it to meet her, this whole plan wasn’t really as pacifist as many have made it out to be.

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Sorry to stray off a little but, funny thing is, as much as people make fun of Steven Universe for being a show where characters just talk their feelings out and suddenly everything is good, they acknowledge in one of the episodes that not every gem has this deep trauma or pain they try to hold in.

In the episode, “Stuck Together” he and Lars get caught by Aquamarine and Topaz, they both open up to each other about how no matter what happens, they got each other. This leads Topaz who throughout her introduction has been mute and serious and who has them held hostage, to start crying and vent about how much emotional pain she’s been holding in so much because it’s her job. When Aquamarine finds out she’s trying to help them escape, they desperately start trying to convince her that she’s allowed to open up about whatever she feels, that they’re here to listen and talk.

This is was her reaction.

And I have yet to watch Future right now, but from what I’m reading, even after a lot has changed since the original show and tons of gems live peacefully with Beach City, she shows up again to get her revenge.

At no point is she ever redeemed in any way.

———————————

Anyways, the only reason why Steven was able to convince White to do something to corrupted gems on Earth was because he bested her and she couldn’t do anything about it.

Her whole ordeal was how she wants to have this flawless world where nothing goes out of line, even if it means having to mind control them so they act just like her. She views herself as being the perfect gem of all time who knows what’s best for everyone. However, due to how she’s acted with Steven, being an adult gem constantly picking on a literal child because she refuses to accept he’s not Pink Diamond or is part human; how it’s all just a disguise and Pink Diamond is just lying to herself, she’s embarrassed and realizes she indeed does have a flaw. She’s shaken up with guilt over how petty and childish she’s been acting, being exactly what she’s been criticizing Pink Diamond, to the point where she questions who she is. If she’s not this flawless perfect gem who knows what’s best, then what is she? What should she be since throughout her whole life she’s been obsessed with perfection? She can’t be leader of a whole gem civilization trying to make everyone flawless if she herself is flawed. What further solidified it was how she was unable to control Pink Steven no matter how much she tried, and once she started blushing and feeling embarrassed, she lost control on the other gems she had brainwashed. Blue and Yellow even react in disgust/fear seeing her become “off-color” due to her blush, basically for a moment them losing respect for her.

Steven goes up to her and tries to tell her to just, let people be who they are, without trying to “fix” them, and maybe she can be whoever she wants to be. White is still in distraught, wanting to be someone who knows better, be better, and wanting to make everything better, which Steven offers her a way to do so (which is coming to Earth to help the corrupted gems), but first needing to leave your own head - literally and figuratively.

————————————

At no point throughout the ending is White crying about trauma or begging for forgiveness to Steven and having him go “it’s ok we all make mistakes 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰”, all that happens is Steven sees her essentially having an identity crisis now that she cracked and realized she isn’t as perfect as she thought she was, and being the good natured kid he is, offers to show her how she can be a better person, taking the opportunity to make her do what he set out to demand from her. To say they should’ve shattered her would’ve defeated the whole point as to why Steven even went back to Homeworld to begin with, cuz he needed White’s help. Plus, still haven’t watched Future but,

There is a scene where Steven actually attempts to SHATTER White Diamond upon taking control of her body for everything she has done to him, he CLEARLY doesn’t find her to be in the clear of everything she’s done.

TL;DR They can’t just shatter her cuz she’s the big bad villain, the whole point of the final episodes was Steven needing her in order to restore all the corrupted gems they’ve saved throughout the show. No matter what it took, he was going to find a way to do it. While I do agree that there could’ve been better acknowledgment on everything that she’s done to Homeworld and all, same goes for Blue and Yellow, as they’re immediately relegated to out of touch aunts, to make the massive stretch that this is supposed to be Steven forgiving Hitler or proof that Rebecca Sugar (a Jewish person) is a Nazi apologist…come on bro.

EDIT: I really recommend btw watching this video I recently just viewed discussing the show’s ending and really diving in about the topic of Steven’s identity and White’s identity. It’s informative summarizing a lot of what’s been hinted at and led up to the final episode and goes over stuff I could never even attempt to bring to light with how amateurish I am at this sorta junk 💀

And even if with everything being said, you still believe in the notion that “Steven forgave Gen Hitler” or whatever, I’m about to bring up an argument so earth shattering that it will make you re-evaluate everything you know about the show. So, here it goes:

IT’S A FUCKING PG CARTOON SHOW

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Listen, I know it’s very cliche to use the, “it’s a kids show it’s not that deep!!” argument or whatever idiots say to avoid people from discussing further about their favorite things, especially in an era where many are pushing the “Animation is Cinema” phrase and proving its not just kiddie shit only babies like, but what I mean is

At what point is it crossing the line when making comparisons from a thing in fiction to something in real life?

What makes a great story is how it’s able to draw connections to realistic issues or problems many face with unique metaphors and analogies and all of that, Steven Universe is no different. However, at what point are the metaphors or references to real life supposed to stop? At what point does it become stretching really hard? I can understand how people have had ideas that “fusion is a metaphor for sex” or whatever to some degree.

But going as far as to compare this obviously over the top dictator to the world’s worst man to have ever lived on planet earth who is responsible for the death of millions just because he so happens to also be a dictator, doesn’t that seem so…psychotic to even try to relate when it’s obvious that was never the intention? I mean look at this whole world of the show, it’s a futuristic jewelry space civilization filled with advanced technology and bright colors, how do you look at all of this and first thing that comes to mind is Nazi Germany? How do you look at a giant voluptuous white woman who’s existed for millenniums and think “yea that’s Hitler right there”, all because she’s simply a textbook definition of a dictator?

Trying to make her whole country this flawless world where no one goes out of line and disallows any form of diversity? Like any typical villain? Is that really all it takes to be considered as “animated Hitler”?

Does that mean the abandoned flawed gems in the abandoned Kindergarten that Steven and Lars met at the very bottom of Homeworld are supposed to be a reference to Anne Frank’s family hiding from nazis? One would say that’s a massive stretch to make and they’d be right, cuz it is…just like what people say about White Diamond.

These kinds of massive stretches and comparisons have been made in the past constantly, and for what? To gang up on a show that just wanted to teach kids the values of showing love and positivity, being there for your friends and families and trying to accept people’s flaws or differences in how they live? To make excuses to be blatantly anti-semetic towards the Jewish person who created this show? All because over shit like the fanbase was infamous at one point for how they treated each other and the show producers or because the ending wasn’t how many wanted it to be or how it debatably pushes the idea of positivity way too much in places where it shouldn’t try to?

At what point do people who criticize this show for it’s apparent farfetched ideologies of being kind to everyone, start sounding farfetched themselves for making these insane leaps in logic to make a blatantly slanderous argument and label on the show? If something like “White Diamond is supposed to be Gem Hitler” is something many easily gave into believing, what kind of fucked up comparisons would people make next about the entirety of Homeworld or gems as a species till these start to sound like psychotic conspiracy theories?

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Steven Universe is no doubt a flawed show, I won’t deny that, will never deny that. As much as I defend the ending and go against how people have slandered the show, I can admit stuff could’ve been done better. However, like I’ve said at the beginning, I fail to see how all the hate the show’s gotten for years has ever been deserved or warrented. It’s clear that even with its flaws in storytelling, pacing, (sometimes animation), there is still so much to love about this show. It’s characters, it’s music, it’s themes, it’s lore, etc. There’s good reason as to why people love and still fondly remember it and consider it to be just as important as the other shows that brought in this renaissance era for Cartoon Network (Gumball, Regular Show, and Adventure Time).

After all, just like what the ending taught people, things aren’t always going to be perfect, and that’s ok. Flaws make things what they are, and unless said flaws actively have negative effects on things, there’s no reason to fight against them so excruciatingly. We may strive hard for perfection and flawlessness, to be considered perfect or for a thing we like to be considered perfect, but at some point, trying to do so much just to achieve said perfection will down the road start to become an issue and affect ourselves and the ones around us, the ones we love.

When you think about it, a lot of what has happened within the fanbase and the critics of the show mimic similar attitude to White Diamond. This want for perfection, for nothing to be going out of line, but all it’s done is damage the show’s reputation to many.

Fans on here long ago harassing an artist for the way they drew one of the characters of the show as she wasn’t in this “perfect” body shape they wanted her in. Or harassing producers of the show for how they’d handle things like (iirc) Lapis and Peridot’s “relationship” because it didn’t match their “perfect” connection between the two, and more.

On the other side, critics like the infamous Lily Orchard blasting the show for not being this “perfectly” told story and going out of her way to make these insane comparisons to have some leverage in this giant attack on the show and what it stands for.

These wild and out of pocket attempts to make everything perfect for the show, and what has it done? It heavily soured how people view the show, making people want to stay away from getting into it as from the POV of the outside looking in, it’s a whole rabbit hole they probably shouldn’t get into…for their sake of their mental health. This mindset to be caught up in selfish outlandish views of what’s deemed as being perfect has only made things worse for everyone on every side of discussion on this show. And while as of lately things seem to be recovering, as more people are giving the show a second chance and realizing how messed up people like Lily Orchard were, still the effects of what happened back in the mid-late 2010s are noticeable in some areas.

——————————

If it gets to a point where we’re fighting a flaw that barely affects anyone, is it really a flaw that is that important or even a flaw at all to begin with? We can strive to be better people and learn from mistakes, but a perfect person who can do no wrong is just impossible.

Flaws are what help make everything feel unique in it’s own right. That’s not to say some flaws can’t be acknowledged and called out, but as for flaws that sum up to “someone/something is different from what I expected”, it seems over the top to go so hard to fight against it, as we’d be fighting against having diversity among each and every one of us.

If every pork-chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.

[bornetoblood]

The Magnus Archives as Bloodborne characters, or Bloodborne characters in the Magnus Archive?

Away from my drawing tablet so I’m just gonna assign Bloodborne Characters fear entities Cus they pretty much take place in the same universe anyway. (I could give a lot of them multiple but the fears can have loose definitions regardless and this is just for fun).

The Good Hunter: Probably assumes an archivist-esc role, they see so much scary shit on their trip through Yharnam I find the “living catalogue of fear” thing quite apt. Also they get that yummy yummy insight. Watcher.

The Doll: The Stranger but only by proxy. She just wants to help out they’re just a little uncanny while they’re doing it. Kinda strengthened by the idea that her and Lady M share a soul.

Gehrman: Used to be an INFAMOUS Hunt guy before he got so sad he started slipping into the Lonely every week (basically the Hunter’s Dream).

Laurence: “I am a conduit of the Ceaseless Watcher.” He is LYING! That man REEKS of the SLAUGHTER. It’s the institutionalised violence and Choir motif.

Micolash: Little Distortion man- winding paths and funny mirrors and insanity. Flirted with the Flesh while making all those leg werewolves and the One Reborn.

Rom: Web. She deliberately hides information and holds back the bloodmoon without anyone knowing. Also she is a spider.

Lady Maria: A beautiful Hunt and Desolation meld. She hates both of them but they are in her. Only draws on their powers when she absolutely has to.

St Adeline: I wanna say the Vast. The wiiide open sea. Feeling minuscule in the face of the Cosmos. She’s pretty close the Lonely too but I feel like they intersect a lot in general.

Ludwig: Just a little bit of the Hunt and the Slaughter but he’s mostly a normal guy I think. It’s his sword that’s a Spiral manifestation. Dancing lights and empty promises.

Simon: Gonna go with the End on this one, but only slightly. He wants to stop the cycle of the Hunter’s Nightmare.

Brador: Actually gonna go with the Corruption for him in the sense that the Corruption is decay. But you KNOW that beast hide has all sorts of creepy crawlies in it.

Eileen: The End but merciful. She uses her power to mercy kill people who have fallen to far into other entities. A very neutral party.

Djura: Ex-desolation member. Sacrificed his eye while protecting Old Yharnam and managed to get out of serving the Lightless Flame. Now he just hangs out with the beasts and looks after them.

Caryll: Actual proper Eye avatar here but they only use their power to draw funny runes and figure out how to talk to the Great Ones.

Valtr: Not connected to any entity really he just DESPISES the Corruption and will kill those centipedes at any cost.

[bokutosbiceps]

Could I have a match up please! And for (Demon Slayer, JJBA and Hunter x Hunter)

I’m a goth girl who has a bit of a sassy attitude, I can quite rude but a playful kinda rude if that makes sense. I also have a dark sense of humor. I also tend to keep to myself and only really open up to people I’ve gotten close too. And once you get to know me I’m pretty chill and sweet most of the time! uwu, I also have huge confidence since I have 13 tattoos across my body.

My zodiac sign is a libra uwu

My favorite hobbies are writing for fun, drawing, playing video games and I love collecting plushies! I love drawing horror type of stuff and I enjoy writing stuff for my favorite fandoms. And my favorite video games are fighting ones like mortal kombat for example.

I love// Goth Fashion, Art, Heavy Metal, Video Games, Horror Movies/Slashers, Cute adorable plushies, I also adore blankets, I enjoy spicy food and spicy ramen, I also have an obsession anything strawberry related. My favorite things are Tattoos, I love getting them (besides the horrible pain) and I love looking at them uwu

I dislike// I hate whenever people talk down on me for having tattoos and for my sense of dark goth fashion. I hate people who try touching my things without my permission, and I also hate centipedes because they are ugly and gross and I don’t understand why they need so many legs.

When I’m looking in for a partner I’m looking for someone who I can laugh and joke around, someone who wouldn’t mind my tattoos and goth fashion, I want someone who’ll love my sassy attitude and obsession of plushies uwu

My sexual preference is bisexual // I don’t mind uwu

I added this for a bonus // My appearance // I’m a 4’11 girl ,, who’s around 97 pounds. I have short hair, and freckles all over my body. I have 13 tattoos all over my body, my legs, thighs and arms, and one on my back and chest. I’m always wearing a small choker. But when I dress up I love wearing my huge chokers, black lipstick, black eyeshadow, and black clothes. With my huge platforms that give me an extra 6 inches. uwu

a/n: bruh i had suchhhh a hard time choosing bw kakyoin + josuke for you 🥺 also bw chrollo + shizuku. anyways, i hope you enjoy, love 💞

hunter x hunter

i match you with shizuku murasaki! as a goth girl herself, she would never ever judge you or bother you about your fashion. she’d actually identify with it quite a bit + sometimes you guys might even share clothes! she’s also a lover of both gorey + adorable things, so together you are buried underneath a mountain of soft, cute plushies while watching the latest slasher thriller. shizuku’s personality and humor can be described as a bit dry, but she thoroughly enjoys your dark sense of humor. to this day, the rest of the troupe swears you are the only one who can make shizuku laugh. you’re able to bring out the funny, almost humorous side of shizuku with your overall attitude + personality. you both feel really secure in your relationship because of your combined bluntness. if something isn’t right, there’s no drama, it’s solved almost immediately. shizuku also has a habit of bringing you back a choker from each one of her missions, since she looovvvessss seeing you wear them. 

(i'm so sorry for the fanservicey gif, it was the only decent one from 2011 hxh that i could find 😔)

kimetsu no yaiba

i match you with douma! the way y’all would get along is terrifying. you’re like two peas in a pod, but he’s slightly creepier than you, but doesn’t ever let you see that side of him. if he could do one thing for the rest of his eternal life, it would be to sit + laugh with you. you can make each other laugh in a split second, + you guys share the same type of humor. others might be frightened by the jokes you make, but you guys get each other perfectly. douma also is absolutely infatuated with your fashion sense, especially your tattoos. he loves to have you sit in his lap or lay across his legs while he traces each + every one of your tattoos with his long nails. he also likes to feed your obsessions. would buy you every single fluffy plushie in the world if he could. he’s also super duper affectionate + loves to just pick you up + squeeze you since you’re tiny compared to him. he likes to say you’re his own personal plushie 🥺

jojo’s bizarre adventure

i match with you kakyoin noriaki! this sassy, gamer boy bitch. as soon as he heard you like combat/fighter style games, he’s infatuated. you guys could stay up for hourssss playing video games with each other, but he’ll usually fall asleep first. you’ll be playing with him then all of a sudden his character stops fighting back + you turn to see him snoozing on your shoulder. he’s adorable. he absolutely loves to watch you draw + study your artwork. he’s somewhat of an artist himself + a perfect afternoon for him could be just y’all sitting against each other + drawing, stopping occasionally to show each other or ask for each other’s opinions. kakyoin is terrified of getting a tattoo since he has a lower pain tolerance but he’s always wanted one—he’s so jealous that you have so many cool tattoos. maybe one day you can convince him to start out with a small one, but he’ll only agree if you accompany him to hold his hand 🥺

[firecurls-27]

🌙🍀👪- Mugan

😨☀️🙊- Lilith

🕷️💐🎨- Rosé

(Long post)

Mugan

(I don’t talk about vessel’s siblings much, so I’ll go with her!)

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

Her greatest wish is just to settle down with a NICE guy and have a good life for her kids. She tries way too hard.

🍀 CLOVER - do they believe in luck? are they lucky?

Hohohoooo she’s nowhere NEAR lucky-

👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

Obviously she looks up to her siblings a lot. She’s the common sense of the family.

She and vessel get along the best, he’s very protective of her because of her anxiety. Drop a plate and she jumps 10 feet.

She admires king dice’s good fortune and his talents! She’s got a good voice, she’s just too shy. Poor thing.

Dado is her polar opposite. She’s really chill and quiet while he has anger issues and is loud as HELL.

Lilith

😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?

Her biggest fear is being caught breaking the rules by….uhhhh…..👆them. She’d hate to go back to the garden.

☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

She likes waking up as the sun rises, says it’s good for her skin. Holy shit she takes FOREVER in the bathroom, I mean, all that beauty takes time!

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

Devil being a dumbass and breaking a rule that could get them ALL in trouble *ahem* pitchfork incident *ahem*

Rosé

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

She’s afraid of her ex-boss, centipedes, losing her husband again, losing her kids, worms, etc.

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

Well, despite her name LITERALLY being rose, she likes a very specific kind. Reddish-pink mixed with white. Add a couple of babies breath and green leaves and it’s a perfect bouquet!

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw?

She SAYS she can’t really draw much, but her drawings are actually kinda cute.

These were super fun! Pop by the ask box again anytime!^^

[maxdark158]

Wooo! Writing shoes are back on and i’m actually really happy that i’m finally able to write again. This chapter is a bit shorter than normal but the next two are heavy hitters so it’s alright

Angel in Gotham: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Ao3

Demon in Gotham: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Ao3

Fanart for AiG: Riddler ~ Joker thank you @thegreysman

Please tag me in any fanart you draw for this guys ^^

oooOOOooo

Damian typically liked patrol.

Jumping from rooftop to rooftop under the cover of the night was always exhilarating. Parkour just wasn’t the same without a belt of weapons and a costume, it was always a good way to burn of excess energy and get his mind focused.

Sure, it was his job to protect Gotham so he couldn’t be joking around, but he had to admit he liked the physical activity. He took his job seriously but taking it seriously didn’t mean it had to be unenjoyable.

Patrols were a time when he didn’t feel constrained, didn’t have to play a part or meet expectations. Nothing could ruin the cool gotham city nights on the rooftops.

Well, almost nothing.

After all, Damian’s father had the insane habit of adopting shitty ass kids for his crime fighting ring. Which meant Damian had this awful sickness called siblings. And the only thing that could ruin his nice patrols were the chortling of the other costumed idiots.

The worst nights were when all his brothers went.

Every. Single. Brother.

And what made it worse on top of that?

When they had something they felt they could tease him about. And when they were all teasing him about the same thing at the same time.

He was going to snap and stab one of them. His father might be anti murder but he didn’t have to know…

Damian shook his head. Bad thoughts.

“Thinking of your Angel?” Drake seemed to have a death wish and Damian was all about granting fucking wishes right now.

“Why do you all insist on being here?” he grumbled to himself. Because really they didn’t have to be. No bat signal, probably a few minor purse snatching crimes that one or two could handle easily. Why were they all in costume? Take the night off, stop fucking bothering him.

Annoying Fuck #1 snorted next to him when he said that, clearly not planning to be reasonable. “What, don’t like us teasing you about your Angel, demon spawn?” Todd snorted.

Damian ignored him. “Batman, shouldn’t he not be allowed to patrol with us?” His father could at least tell Todd to go home. Then when his back was turned he wouldn’t witness what happened to Dra-

“C’mon, I haven’t killed anyone and I want to hang out with my little bro! It’s not every day that Robin gets his first crush!”

Annoying Fuck #2, Drake, nearly slipped and fell from laughter.

Damian’s face warmed under his mask. “I do not have a crush you-“

“Focus on the job,” As always, father was on his side. “You can make fun of Robin later when we aren’t patrolling,” the traitorous bastard added.

Damian didn’t want to be the fucking blood son anymore.

He glared at Batman, scoffing to himself. “Then if you’ll excuse me, I’ll take my own route.”

“I’ll go with you little bird!”

Fucking fuck fuck.

Because of fucking course Grayson suggested that. And of fucking course Damian momentarily forgot that Grayson was back and patrolling too, leaving him unprepared for the suggestion. Grayson’s uncharacteristic quietness was the worst thing at times.

Fucking hell why’d they all have to be here tonight?

Proving himself to truly be a traitor, his father nodded to Grayson’s suggestion. So Damian, previously wanting to get away with his brothers and dream of murdering them alone, now had a tagalong stopping such a fun activity.

At this rate he’d have frown lines at 23.

Damian went off, not waiting for Grayson. He knew he’d easily keep pace though, so the halfhearted dream of being fully alone wouldn’t happen.

“Robin, wait here a second.” Oh fuck no. That’s Grayson’s I want to talk voice. Too bad for him because Damian did not want to talk. At all. Especially about anything Grayson might want to talk about. Because Grayson wanted to talk about French Angels and Riddlers and Spars and-

“Robin, are you listening?”

“No, Nightwing, I’m not.” Damian stared at him and raised a brow. “What is there to talk about?”

Grayson huffed, annoyed. Good. Fucker deserves it after what he and the others put him through these last few days. “I was asking if you actually had a crush or not. They’re teasing you but I’ve been,” at WE all day, Damian knew, “busy all day. I can’t tell if they’re making something out of nothing and I’d rather hear it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.”

There was a time when Damian would have said he wasn’t a horse. When he was younger, he didn’t know idioms and expressions that well. He considered saying it now, to try and change the subject, but he also knew Grayson didn’t let things go easily. Which wasn’t very good.

Because Damian wasn’t sure how to answer.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to answer it, even to himself. His weedkiller wouldn’t arrive for a few more fucking days, he wasn’t prepared for this.

Though maybe that in of itself showed the answer to Grayson’s question…

Fucking fuck fuck.

He shook himself from those thoughts. Grayson was waiting on an answer and he didn’t have time to get lost in thought about his Ang- Marinette. Marinette.

Damian settled for glaring at Grayson. “My private life is not any business of yours.”

Grayson snorted. “Suure little bird. She’s one of the French students, right?”

“Don’t say that right now,” he snapped. Not while they were in costume, not while they could be listened to. “Focus on the job, Nightwing.”

Grayson put his hands up in surrender. “Race you to Wayne Enterprises?”

Damian didn’t wait for an answer, jumping to the next roof and making his way as fast as he could. He was determined to beat his adopted brother’s sorry ass, not that he cared about winning. It wasn’t that he was competitive, he simply didn’t want to continue this discussion. That was all. That’s fucking it.

Grayson laughed behind him, and the race began.

-----

They were taking a break near the Batcave. No activity yet, but they stayed suited up incase that changed. The night was still young, after all.

Batman instructed them to meet there through the comms. Damian and Grayson, further from the cave, made it there last. Grayson luckily hadn’t brought up and other conversation during patrol, and Damian hoped that would hold ou-

The other two idiots were waiting like the fucking lunatics they are.

Fucking fuck fuck.

“Did the demon spawn tell you about his precious Angel?” Todd clearly decided that he would die in seven days by saying that, big dumb fucking grin on his face and hair messy from removing his dumbass helmet.

“What was her name again? Mary?” Drake knew her name and was just being a little bitch. Damian decided not to give him the fucking bait, going over to a place to sit-

“Marie something, French and I think with brown eyes?”

“They’re blue,” Damian bit out. Fuck, their stupidity had infected him, he spoke before thinking. Was there a cure? He doubted it as they were all still stupid and have been for years. Fucking fuck the last thing he needs is to be on their level of idiocy.

“Right, right,” Jason’s wolfish smug grin was showing exactly how much of a fucking bitch he planned to be. Damian wanted to kick his face in.

“Little bird was pretty tight lipped on patrol,” Grayson said lightly as if he didn’t just stab him in the back.

“It’d be rude to kiss and tell,” Damian was going to strangle Drake with his own two hands.

“I haven’t kissed her!” He snapped again. His face was very warm, did he get sunburned somehow?? “We’re friends you imbeciles!”

“Friends that hold hands,” Drake pointed out.

“And tour Gotham together, alone.” Todd shortened his life span even more.

“And invite each other over to their house, where they never invited anyone before, to eat lunch.”

“Look how red his face is!”

“Little bird probably even planned to buy her ice cream! That’s why they were there when the Riddler showed up!”

“I’ll bed demon spawn-“

Damian stormed out of the room. Blood was roaring in his ears and he needed to- he just. He fucking needed fucking out of here. Away from those fuckers. Or he’d actually follow through with his thinly veiled threats and he’d rather not get blood on his costume.

He hated siblings with a passion. If his father ever considered adopting again Damian would fill all of his shoes with centipedes and rip the third seam out of every pair of pants he owned.

I don’t have a crush on her. I don’t. She’s wonderful and amazing, an angel, but I don’t like Ang- Marinette like that. She’s a friend I made and that is all.

Damian grabbed some throwing knives for target practice. Not on his brothers this time. He wanted to clear his head without those fucks nearby.

He threw one. The aim was a bit off, and he frowned. His aim was impeccable, why was he off right now? Why is having a crush on Marinette a bad thing?

No. He shook his head. He didn’t want to think those fucking thoughts right now. He threw another, harder. It went deep into the target, still off by more than he was happy with. He growled lowly.

Ange- Marinette is pure and good and wonderful. I was raised by assassins and I can’t completely shake their ideals.

Another knife. Damian’s grip on them tightened. Why was he missing?

I’m a vigilante and Damian Wayne. I have blood on my hands and money to my name and she wants to make her fashion empire herself.

Damian got more knives. His frustration was growing with each thought. They kept coming back as he tried to dismiss them, kept distracting him from the target.

She’s a talented designer. She’s incredibly smart, knows how to fight. Beautiful, dark hair and freckles and blue eyes.

Another knife sailed through the air.

I’m not anything of note without my last name or costume. She’s amazing without needing either.

Damian walked over and began taking the knives off the targets. Maybe they were fucking with his aim. He should get rid of them. Focus on removing them. Stop thinking about her.

But no matter how many fucking times he tried to redirect his thoughts, they came back.

She doesn’t have to tolerate me.

She’s wonderful and innocent.

She doesn’t deserve to be dragged down.

I don’t want to hurt her.

Damian’s hands were on his face, pushing at his eyes and trying to stop the thoughts. His Ange- Marinette was wonderful he knew that, but he didn’t think the other things. Not constantly anyway, he helped people as Robin. He was his father’s blood son. He wasn’t unhappy with himself.

But that doesn’t mean I’m good enough for Marinette.

He grabbed a knife from the table he set them on and threw it blindly, as if throwing the thought itself out and away.

It hit the center perfectly.

Damian took a deep breath. Everything was fucking overwhelming right now, and he didn’t want to think about it anymore.

But it seemed he’d have to.

Fucking fuck fuck.

Okay, okay. He… He might have a crush on Marinette.

Admitting it, oddly, seemed to lift a weight off his shoulders. Damian took another deep breath.

He has a crush on Marinette. But he values her a friend very much. He isn’t going to do anything about his crush, because she deserves someone as amazing and angelic as her, and Damian isn’t that.

But that’s okay. Because he already loves being her friend. And his weedkiller isn’t too far away.

Damian calmed down. He threw some more knives. They were all on target.

She’ll always be my friend and Angel, if I have any say in it. I’ll make sure whoever she choses is worthy of her.

Damian had just thrown his third when his father spoke through their comms. “Poison Ivy sighting at Gotham Hotel.”

The six words turned Damian’s recently found peaceful mood onto its head. Ice water poured into his and filled his limbs with dread. His chest was tight, as if someone was grabbing at his lungs and they were closing. The weeds of worry were strangling him.

That’s my Angel’s hotel.

He had dropped her off there with Alfred just earlier that day. She was staying there with her class. They were supposed to be safe and protected, she was supposed to be safe and protected.

Damian’s knives hit the ground but his feet hit it faster as he ran through the cave to the exit. Ivy best not lay a finger on her or she would lose her entire arm.

His Angel wouldn’t get hurt, not if he could help it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #367

“i should warn you that you may fuck me, but chances are i’m gonna fuck you over”

Where was the last place you went for vacation? The beach. When was the last time you wore makeup? Halloween. Do you watch soaps or drama series? If so, which ones? Not currently. What’s your favourite tomato variety? I hate tomatoes. What was your very first pet like? Dad had a dog named Trigger when I was born, but I have no memory of her, so I'm excluding her. I consider our first family pet to be Chance, a cat my mom took in after finding her literally in the trash. She was... god, incredible. She was a loyal friend, and I can imagine no greater mother than she was (she legit fought off a rottweiler head-on to protect her kittens). She was so smart, so gentle, and just simply amazing. I'll always miss her. What was the best school project you remember doing? Looking back, despite the fact it TERRIFIED me before, that would be my senior project presentation. It was about snake misconceptions and fallacies, so I made a slideshow to present to the special ed class. I made drawings for them to color, word searches, all that kind of stuff. They were just the sweetest and seemed really into it. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? None. What kind of an old person do you think you’ll become? I really... don't like thinking about this. Like I'm weak enough now at 25, I can't imagine how my, say, 60s would be. I hope and just about pray that my physical health will improve, but I'm just going to exclude that part entirely from this answer. Personality-wise and such, I have a feeling I'll be the quiet and sweet kind, the one that loves her (hopeful) spouse like crazy, and comes most alive on Halloween if I live in a place where children come trick-or-treating. I imagine I would LOVE that. I'd love to be the type that goes on morning jogs to help stay spry. Which well-known person’s death shocked you the most, if any? Steve Irwin and Chester Bennington might be tied. Both were so, so sudden. Steve was like, invincible to my childhood eyes, and when I heard about Chester's death, I thought it was just a sick rumor. Two amazing people that died way too soon. What’s the craziest colour you’d dye your hair? That would depend on personal opinions. I want to dye my hair LOTS of colors though, if that tells you anything. What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus. It's a pretty short game if you know what you're doing, and it's super relaxing to me and just so goddamn pretty to look at. Every time I've played it has just been a pleasant experience. Do you like meatloaf? Yeah, it's fine. How about Meatloaf? I know who he is, but I've never really listened to his music. Do you take time to do charitable work? If so, what do you do? No. ;_; Especially with all the free time I have, I really should... What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Okay, don't ask, but if I for a SECOND see that commercial of Mr. Clean dancing while he's cleaning, I will die because of memories. What is something you hope you will never inherit from a specific relative? Diabetes. It runs heavily in my family. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name: The Human Centipede. No. Thank you. Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. What’s your dearest souvenir? The stuffed moose I got at Cabela's during a visit to Ohio. I named him Brownie, and he was my "childhood plushie" we all have. Is there a lot of graffiti around your neighbourhood? Not in the actual area I live in, but there are DEFINITELY places where it's a pigsty of distasteful shit. Have you ever made your own soda? (Soda Stream doesn’t count!) No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Have you ever been part of a theater group? No, that stuff doesn't interest me. What’s the most ecological thing you do? We recycle, and I also use metal straws. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. There is no fucking way I could do it. What’s your favourite board game? Why do you like it best? I like Clue just because of the mystery-solving factor, and I think it's kinda cool how you can think ahead and use other's findings to your own advantage to win the game pretty early. Besides English, what other languages can you speak? Some German. It's gotten pretty weak with neglect, though. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you’ve been? This is a complicated answer that I just don't feel like elaborating on. What’s the most freeing thing you’ve ever done? Letting Jason go. Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? If not, would you even want to try one? No, and I'm not interested. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? Honeysuckles. What has been your worst restaurant experience? Well, it's a fast food restaurant, but lemme tell you about my vegetarian encounter with Burger King. I ordered their veggie burger. Which they have. It's not a secret. These idiots gave me a bun with tomato and lettuce, and I think mayo on it, after sounding confused when Mom was ordering for me. Mom went back in there of course to tell them, and oh god was the manager pissed, lol. I got my veggie burger in the end. What’s the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? Some sexually inappropriate jokes can still get me sadly, lol. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? Not literally, but boy do I think depression counts. Do you ever compare your life to somebody else’s? If so, why? Y E P. I can't tell you why, I just... do it. I look at other's successes and am just like, "Why aren't I there yet?", and beat myself up about being a failure. What is a food item or a dish you absolutely cannot stand? Brussel sprouts, asparagus, runny eggs, many other things because I'm just mega picky. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? Just the spray paint kind that vendors like to do at the beach and stuff. I don't remember any I got, though. What does your favourite mug look like? It's black with a Markiplier quote on it, given to me by Sara. :') Do you ever read other people’s survey answers? Yeah! Friends', anyway. I love learning all the obscure things about them. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, specifically early morning, because it's better for my depression. Are you more comfortable as a leader or a follower? A follower that isn't afraid to speak up when I'm really against something. What is your favourite song right now at this very moment? I've been really into "7empest" by Tool lately, and the synthwave edit of "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, who was your favourite character? I don't remember it well, but I think I liked the butler. Was there even a butler? Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') Do you have any plants in your home? No. If you wear makeup, what’s the most outrageous colour you use? I only ever use black. What was the last photograph you took? My cat being adorable while sleeping. <3 Have you ever submitted a video to Funniest Home Videos? No. What was the first sport you learned how to play? I want to say soccer? I absolutely hated it. Do you have a headache at the moment? Yes, actually. I've really been attacked by the Covid shot side effects. Are your parents still together? No, thank god. What was the last hot food you ate? I made a chicken and I think pesto (some Italian noodles, idk) Healthy Choice bowl for dinner last night. Have you ever seen a meteor shower? No. :( Do you ever feel afraid people will question your sanity? I'm sure people have before, and back then? Rightfully so. Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Never watched it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Always. It's so weird how it's gotten worse with time since leaving school, even though I write... Were you a straight A student in math? Yeah, no. I usually got Bs or Cs. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. I don't really like yellow. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? Have a stable job. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES. Do you feel a connection to the moon? It's not something I think about, so not really, but I do believe all things in the universe are connected in some way. We are simply a part of nature, as all else is. What does your heart long for? Contentment in who I am and where I am in life. I know I also miss being in love. Do you know what your purpose in life is? We have no innate purpose; we make our own, and I want mine to be to show others that there is always hope for yourself in yourself, and also to spread the message of love of all animals. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year I didn't. I really should change that this go around. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes! They're a kind of rare sight here sadly, so when I had the opportunity to photograph a fox tragically as roadkill, it was a photographic experience I won't forget. God, I wanted to pet it (I obviously didn't), but I did talk to it about how beautiful (s)he was as I got some shots. I never had a harder time leaving one of those angels I've taken pictures of. Do you find Halloween fun or scary? FUN!!!!!! Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Not at all. What do the trees look like where you live? I mean, there's a variety, but the staple that you see literally everywhere are pine trees. What is your dream vacation? Somewhere with mountains, clear lakes, cool weather, beautiful and various wildlife... What was the best vacation you’ve been on so far? Disney World as a kid. What is the best class trip you’ve been on? The zoo in the 5th grade. It was the one occasion I got to see meerkats. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I lived for them. Do you find museums boring or interesting? I find science museums to be very, very fascinating. Art ones are great, too. What are three issues you are passionate about? LGBT rights, the pro-choice movement, and wildlife conservation, to name a few. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all. What size is your bed? Queen. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? When we were experimenting with my Klonopin dosage, I learned that 3mg was enough to knock me on my ASS. Do you like bath bombs? I mean they're pretty, but I wouldn't waste money on 'em. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Yikes, a looooooot. But this also depends on what you think qualifies as "small." Most of my favorite "small" YTers are tarantula keepers or sub-1M let's players. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier obviously, Snake Discovery, Good Mythical Morning (even if I don't watch them anymore, they are veeery dear to my heart and I will always support them), Sam & Colby... Again, there's a lot. When you don't watch TV and YT instead, you really get attached to a lot of them. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Would you believe me if I said Pussycat Dolls? haha Do you like Disney movies? Um, DUH. Were you ever in the popular crowd? No. Have you ever used an outhouse? UGH, at like childhood sports games, yes. I could NEVER nowadays, oh my god. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I have the creativity to, but not the dedication. Are there any foods that make you gag? Beans, for one. I just canNOT with them. It's a completely involuntary reaction. Have you ever had blonde highlights in your hair? I think I did? Who was the last person you video-chatted with? The lady who was seeing if I qualified for TMS therapy. Do you think sleeve tattoos look trashy? Definitely not, I love those. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? I don't actually want one, but if I did, I'd go to a serious professional to get THE Darkiplier smile. :') If u know u know. Do you have any stickers on any of your electronic devices? No. Do you think half blonde/half dark brown hair is attractive? It looks great on some people, but it's not my favorite combo.

[scolopendress-tag]

Man I wanna get a centi tattoo on my birthday still I know I've been heeheeing abt it but MAN it makes me nervous. Not only do I KNOW pedes are hard to draw but when they're done and I've found people who've done them... They don't get them like. Anatomically accurate? And of course I'm FINE with stylization of course, but they do NOT have little wasp jaws at the front of their head and their antennae are NOT bolt straight. Please. And the terminals too like those aren't hair man those are legs... I'm too nervous to talk back 2 ppl half the time.... Even if it's just saying well hey actually.... U know?

And also I can't bare to hear negative comments about centipedes. Fun fact if u comment on people's posts where they're positive abt bugs or smthn with "oh I still hate them or ohhh they're gross ew kill it with fire! Ahah smash stop kill! So scary im nauseous! So ugly ew eradicate only good ones a dead one ;)" shit you're not funny or quirky or imventive or even like decent ur just fucking awful and annoying pls shut the fuck up thanks. We get it. You don't have to like bugs but man can people not understand that maybe that's not very decent to do. I've had people tell me that shit to my face in person at pet stores n shit when I mentioned I owned animals like I do like I would die if my tattoo artist did that. Like why do people even think that's okay. I am ranting and going off on a tangent now but can you imagine if ya told me u like corgis or have one and I told you "actually I hate corgis I would hit them with my car if I saw them lmao burn em alive better off dead am I right haha they're just so gross and freakish n ugly man it's fine I'm just a corgophobe <3" it's pretty understandable that that's unacceptable. Like don't do that. If you've gotta whine about bugs don't do it in spaces where they're being appreciated keep ur bad taste to urself. "Cool! they do honestly scare me some tho lol" or like stating a phobia and setting boundaries is fine just don't be a dick yanno. God.

Idk. Maybe I'll hold off on the centipede tatts n get something different for my first time as much as that pains me.

[canni-hanni]

2 things! One, I'm kind of dumb and don't exactly know what pro/anti shippers are, unless literally just people who are for and against shipping? Idk, could you inform me...?

And 2, I personally draw the line at sexual content. Specifically illegal ones- underage, r*pe, incest, the likes. When it comes to gore, my two problems are a) I'm a wimp and with with my glasses off because I scare myself easily, b) insects...and stuff.... so... fkvhkhvkhf.... I hate them.

Anyways, the question was actually about problematicness, huh... well, I guess it would be when it began to either redeem or encourage horrible behavior irl. If it started connecting with reality, it will start crossing lines. (The thing about sexual content, too) Most things are fine on TV, separate from reality, but if it starts relating, that becomes a nope. Watching things is escapism, and when it hits too close to home in whatever way, it isn't cool.

Also the given of being racist, sexist, homophobic, whatever. That is NOT fun.

Lastly, when it just becomes too much, too gross, too horrible to imagine a person would do that, but the knowledge that they would. (Aka someone told me about the human centipede and I have never hated anything more)

So yeah

Hey, don't worry about not knowing the pro/anti-shipper stuff! I probably wouldn't if it wasn't for also having a twitter. But, they more-or-less refer to the two main sides of the problematic media argument, largely regarding relationships. Pro-shippers tend to be more tolerant of things like rape/incest/underaged relationships in media, whereas anti-shippers are pretty firmly against those being portrayed, especially in a positive manor. At least that's how I look at it, different people explain it different ways.

I think you made a lot of good points, and I totally agree with stuff hitting too close to home. I think that perspective also helps to highlight how much of a grey area this can be. Someone who has witnessed or lived through an attempted murder may not be able to stomach that content in fiction afterwards, same goes for victims of sexual assault or other things that would impact your life in that way.

And of course, media being outwardly racist/homophobic/generally intolerant can be hard to handle, especially if it's more recent and the creator has no excuse for not being self-aware.

[goodnightallwhites]

Welcome to the Blackworth Family By BlackingPacking

Welcome to the Blackworth Family 

By BlackingPacking 

Submitted: December 9, 2019 Updated: December 10, 2019 

Blackworth Home is one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the country. A boarding school where the students are a family. 

That's not why Ashley went there though. She went there because She's an eager young snowbunny who needs to go to the only school that lets her have all the big black cock she could ever want. 

A discord request. 

Provided by Hentai Foundry.

Chapter 1 - I go to a Blacked school 2 

Chapter 2 - I watch Dorothy get Blacked 8 

1 - I go to a Blacked school 

I spent most of my time at home in my room, behind the tall, artificial wood door that read ‘ASHLEY’ in big letters. The room wasn’t much. It was square with light blue walls, a bed right opposite from the door with a shelf on its left and a chair on its right, and my desk for homework in the corner. Nothing much fun. 

It was just another feature of my family’s plain, boring little suburban home, with a boring life forced onto me. 

I tried to have my fun of course. I kept in touch with as many friends as possible, spent plenty of time online, and even got a boyfriend. My best friend in the world was Dorothy, a girl I loved so much, most people thought we were lesbians. Not that we didn’t have our fun, but I still love dick. Well, at least as a concept. My boyfriend had a 3 inch little shrimp dick, complete with a hentai collection and getting turned on by the Human Centipede. Why I stayed with him I didn’t know. I didn’t even spend much time with him, and he wasn’t my type. What I really needed was someone more... rebellious. I was a bit of a troublemaker. I didn’t behave for teachers or parents and I skipped school often. I’d even watch porn. People said I looked like Riley Reid, but with bigger tits. I even experimented with a few drugs and got all slutty at parties, but that was a secret for only Dorothy and me. 

Dorothy was even more of a slut than I was, despite her smaller tits. I sure loves the occasional sexytime with her. A shame, though, that her ditching school and porn viewing was less safe than mine. She got caught, bad. Now she was at some boarding school, year round. It sounded awful. 

That’s what I thought, at least. 

But then, in the mail one day, I got a letter from her. Well, technically it was a few days late, since neither of my parents bother to get the mail. Still, I was surprised to get the formal letter, reading 

BLACKWORTH HOME FOR TROUBLED STUDENTS 

I opened the letter. To my shock, the first thing I saw inside were... polaroid pictures? 

Yeah, about half a dozen polaroid pictures, all with Dorothy’s tight holes by some of the biggest dicks I’ve ever seen. All the guys were black, with freakishly huge cocks. I thought cocks like that only existed in porn, and that my boyfriend’s penis was just average. But nope, those black cocks were real. Plenty looked way bigger than in porn too. 

I just had to read what she actually sent. The letter read: 

Dear Ashley, 

I’ve missed you here! I’m sorry that I haven’t been writing or texting or calling but it’s been so much fun here! I’ve totally converted to big black cock! And I want you to too. I hope you aren’t dating that 

little loser anymore but if you are you’d better stop RIGHT NOW because I’m about to change your life. 

As a fellow white girl you should really consider what nature intended...let me tell you about how great it is to be a true snowbunny. A snowbunny can help save other white girls from disappointing relationships with white guys, nature truly intended for black men to rule over us. White boys have no place here in the ideal world us girls must forge a path and share our knowledge with other girls and together we can all worship and achieve happiness with our black masters,your body should help breed more black men we need to get rid of gross white boys together. When they are all gone the world will be perfect and we can all feast on black cock. 

I’ve filled out an application for you, so don’t worry about having to bother. You deserve this, I know I did. 

XOXO, 

Dorothy 

Attached to it was an acceptance letter from Blackworth Home. 

I didn’t tell my parents about the letter or the pictures, but I was eager as fuck to tell them about the whole boarding school thing. It seemed like a sort of fantasy, going to a school like that. I fucking hated the idea of being sent a way to a boarding school that wasn’t magical, but I think this one just damn may well have been. 

My parents were thrilled at the idea. The school had great student reviews, and was said to promote a healthy racial environment. I smiled when I heard that, since I knew exactly what that meant. My parents saw it as a good thing too, since my school had a bit of a racism problem. Thankfully, the problem kids weren’t anybody I knew. 

People I know! I forgot all about my boyfriend! Little shrimp dick was small enough to always slip out of my pussy, so he totally slipped my mind too. That day was the last time I ever spoke to him, texting him simply 

I’m sorry, this isn’t working. 

I didn’t need to see him at school because I didn’t go there anymore. I worked hard to talk to the Blackworth admissions team, and managed to get myself an ASAP entry to the school. In just a few weeks, I would be boarding a train and heading to the academy. No boyfriend, no old school, no judgement. And Dorothy too! 

I had never felt so liberated. And I haven’t even left yet! 

The arrangement was that I arrive a few weeks before Winter break, and spend exam time catching up on the material for next semester. I ordered all my books ahead of time, and even began studying. I wanted to spend my time at school doing what Dorothy sent me right away, and I wasn’t going to let a bit of homework get in the way of me sitting on a massive, black cock like she told me filled the school. 

With her letters as a guide, I went shopping too. All brand new clothes that were mostly ripped, low-cut, or sluttier than anything I’d ever worn before. I loved the school uniform too. 

On the ride there, I wore a simple grey hoodie and black leggings on the train, with my black hair tied back. I had never ridden on a train before, but this wouldn’t be the last train run with where I was going. That thought made me grin as a pulled my big suitcase and full backpack into the corner I would ride in. I watched the scenery go by in a big, cushioned chair hidden in the corner. I got it wet through my leggings, I was just so horny. So ready for this. 

I pulled up some porn on my phone, put my headphones in, and listened to the star’s sweet voice narrate how she met up with her tall, muscular, black pool boy, and they fucked like there was no tomorrow. I stealthily took my arm out of my hoodie’s sleeve and snuck it down to my crotch, where I fingered my soaking pussy right there, on the public train. 

Soon, I was there. I got a few looks with how soaking wet the insides of my leggings were, and when I took the headphones out I think the sound kept playing for half a second, but I didn’t even care. I wasn’t ever going to see these people again, now that I was at my new home. Blackworth. 

It was a huge campus, in the middle of the woods on the border of the Carolinas where a massive old slave plantation used to be, before the slaves revolted in the 1830’s. Now it had a few massive, brick and stone buildings, all square, tall, and imposing. I walked in, got my picture taken, and got a photo ID with a room number- 1573. Building one, floor 5, room 73. Right where Dorothy told me her room was. 

I went up there on the old elevator. It felt like the stairs would be quicker, this thing was so old. There were drawings carved into the wooden walls. Most were “girl x boy” and “name was here”, but somewhere hotter. One was a phone number, saying ‘white girls text me’, another was a room number for the boys dorm that just said ‘orgy?’. One was a tiny dick carved next to a huge one saying ‘white vs black’. Fun. The ride took so long that I almost fingered myself right there. The floor was a little sticky, so it wouldn’t be the first time I thought. Gross, but kinda hot. 

The door opened, and there waiting for me was my best friend. 

“Ashley!” Dorothy smiled, jumping up to give me a huge hug. I was shocked to see how she was dressed. She had a peach yellow crop top on that barely went below her nipples (and her tits weren’t even that big!), and hot pink and black short shorts that where basically a small rectangle around her hips. It left nothing to the imagination, and I liked it. 

“Dorothy! You look so good!” I said, hugging her back, squeezing against her perky little tits. 

“Ow-ow!” she mutters, pulling away. 

“What is it?” I ask 

“Nothing,” she grins, “It’s just that I got a tattoo the other day and it’s still kinda sore.” 

“A tattoo? Didn’t you used to say you never wanted to get a tattoo?” 

“Well, that was before I became a snowbunny, silly. Wanna see it?” 

“Sure,” I said. She turned around, pulling up the back of her shirt to show on her back, in big, curly letters, 

SNOW - BUNNY with a little heart in the middle. 

“Like it?” my brown-haired best friend asked. 

“I love it! How do you get a tattoo in a place like this?” 

“This isn’t some stuffy old normal boarding school, you know,” she started walking down the hall, “We’ve got a tattoo parlor, a movie theater, an sex toy store, a hair salon- it’s so great. You’ll love it.” 

As I walked behind her, I noticed she had another tattoo on her thigh. A little queen of spades. It wasn’t there in the polaroids she sent. 

“So how come you can’t use your phone?” 

“Oh- that’s just because of the school’s network. We can use them in class even, but it’s really hard to communicate with people outside of campus without the computers, and I don’t much like email. Sorry about that.” 

“No problem,” I said. Then, in front of us, I saw a tall, skinny white boy turn the corner a walk into a room, looking at Dorothy with pervy eyes. “Wait-” I asked her, “Isn’t this the girl’s dorm?” 

“No, no, this is the white dorm- white boys got really uncomfortable and black guys got really weirded out by having to live in the same dorms, so they changed it. It’s kinda weird, with all these tiny white guys around, but they’re harmless. Flash your tits once a week or so and they’ll do literally anything for you. Besides, you can always just live in the black dorm if you find a guy you like,” she grinned and nudged me in the shoulder, “But I get first dibs at orgies- remember that.” 

“How often are orgies?” I asked. 

“All the time. Ah, here’s our room,” she unlocked the door and pushed it open, showing me our place. It had brown and blue walls with a wooden bunk bed, carved desks for both of us, and a fluffy carpet that Dorothy bought. I recognized it. 

“Is this-” 

“Where the polaroids were taken?” she grinned, “Yeah. I don’t like orgies on the carpet, it’s messy- they cum a lot. The beds are good though, the white boys clean it up.” 

“They do that for you?” 

“For us. If they work really hard, tell ‘em about the fun you’ve had with black guys. The white boys love it.” 

“Really? They’re always so insecure about black guys-” 

“At our old school? I know, Ash, but here they learn fast. Besides, there’s no pretense anymore about them not having little dicks.” 

I laughed. “Haha! So is that, like, more than just a rumor here?” 

She laughed too, “Yeah, it is! They’ve done all sorts of studies on it. We learned about it in Anatomy class. Ask Mrs. McMeekin about it.” 

Just my luck, Mrs. McMeekin, our grade’s science teacher, was my first tutor. Thankfully, I had everything ready from my old school. The curriculum I wasn’t caught up with wasn’t hard to get down, so I got to talk with Mrs. McMeekin. I didn’t like talking to teachers much, but I loved talking to the ones here. 

“So- um, Dorothy told me to ask you about white boys being- um-” 

“Small?” she asked, smiling. She was a beautiful woman with long, brown hair, a long, thin face, and some round but a little aged boobs. In between them was a Queen of Spades necklace. 

“Y-yeah.” I said, looking away from her cleavage, down at her feet. She had a QoS tattoo on her ankle too. Dayum. 

She smiled again. “No need to feel weird. I know Dorothy- one of the most enthusiastic little snowbunnies I’ve ever taught. And yes, white boys are uniquely sexually unsatisfying for us modern women,” she explained. 

“How?” I asked, more confident. 

“It’s about how the nerves work, you see. White males are used to growing up comfortably, as such, evolution has made them lose their defense mechanisms. When they feel something brush up against their penis, it’s usually intentional, so they cum very fast, just getting the sex over with once the stimulation gets to them. Black males come from a more dangerous life- in Africa for thousands of years, then in slavery, they had to adapt to only use their valuable seed when absolutely nescecary. So they are genetically predisposed to needing a long, long time of intense sexual stimulation to achieve ejaculation.” 

“Wow- that makes so much sense!” 

“Well, it’s just my job,” she smiled with happy blue eyes. 

“So- you said you know Dorothy? Has she been a good student?” 

“Well, she’s a lot better at English and History than science, but she’s pretty good, when she’s not with Jason,” she shook her head. Her boobs jiggled. 

“Jason?” I asked. 

“Jason Blackwolf. His family’s been going to this school for generations. You’ll probably know him soon- he’s a year older than you, but he’s huge. Tall, muscled. Big- nnf” she poked her cheek with her tongue and made a grabbing motion at her crotch like she was holding a huge bulge.” 

“And Dorothy- and him?” 

“Well, I know she’s obsessed with him. Really goes into the whole ‘master’ thing with him.” 

“Uh- Master?” 

“Oh! Did you not read the school’s webpage? The heads of houses are called the house Mistress and Master, with some houses preferring Mother and Father, usually a black man and white girl.” I nodded along, “Since that tradition started, girls have been called sisters, black guys masters, and white boys brothers. It fits the whole family thing we try to make this school. It’s called a house, not an academy, for just that reason.” 

“Oh, cool. So I’m Sister Ashley, and she’s Sister Dorothy?” 

“Yup. And No problem. I don’t blame you for reading everything this school gives you. I didn’t when I was your age, and I’m doing just fine.” 

I smiled. She sure was. Then I looked at my watch. “I- uh, have a meeting with Mr. Bates in like five minutes, so I have to go- but thank you for helping me, Miss McMeekin!” I walked off. 

“It’s Mrs!” she told me, flashing a ring with another smile. “And yes, he’s white. If you need any more help, I’ll be here.” 

2 - I watch Dorothy get Blacked 

Wow. What a first meeting. 

Sadly, none of the other teachers were that fun. They had a diverse faculty, both in sex and race, which was definitely a plus, but I guess it was a school first and foremost. It wasn’t a waste of time though, since I managed to get to know the layout of the school. 

When I went back to the dorm room, I was ready for the fun night Dorothy had promised she had every night. 

Instead, I found her walking around the white student’s common room. “Where is it? Where is it?” She kept asking. 

“What is it?” I walked up to her. 

“I wanna go introduce you to Jason, my favorite black master! But I can’t find the key card to the boy’s dorm he gave me, and I don’t wanna wait to be let in like some horny freshman girl! Help me look!” 

Looking under the couch at my feet, I saw a boy- a white boy! A small guy, looking about my age but barely masculine, with dark brown hair and a smooth face. 

“Uh- who is that?” I asked. 

“Oh- that’s Bill- or, Bob, whatever. He’s a friend of mine! He does my homework. He’s helping me look.” 

“Oh,” I got down to his level. “Hey. I’m Ashely. Nice to meet you.” 

“Hi-” He got up to shake my head, blushing as I looked into his eyes. “Everyone just calls me BP.” 

“Ok, uh, BP. Why do you do Dorothy’s homework? She’s smart. Hell, she even did my homework.” 

“Um- she spends her time outside of class with her black friends. Usually Jason. So I do it for her.” 

“Really? Nice.” 

“Found it!” Dorothy lifted the card up, now come on, I wanna see Jason!” 

I followed her, and BP walked with us to get to his dorm. 

“So,” I asked BP, “Could you do my homework too? Because I’m kinda ass at the things Dorothy’s good at.” 

He nodded. “Of course.” 

“And- could you tutor me too? I’m kinda scared, going to a private boarding school, and you seem smart enough.” 

“R-really?” he asked, looking at me with wide eyes. He’s just a little shorter than me. “T-that’d be nice. Are you going home for Christmas? I’m gonna stay here.” 

“I think I wanna stay here,” I smiled, “What about you, Dorothy?” I asked. 

“Of course I wanna spend Christmas here! Hell, I wanna spend summer here to. You’ll see soon.” We kept walking. “And you better not be flirting with my friend, BP. Trust me, Ash, his dick’s like this big,” she held up her pinky, “Don’t even bother.” 

He turned bright red. “I-I wasn’t.” 

I elbowed him. “Hey, I know. Don’t feel bad. I’m gonna see Jason anyway soon, you know that.” 

He nodded. “Trust me, you’re gonna like him. He’s-” he gulped, “Really big. And you’ll get that big bed all to yourself- the black guys get a whole room with a queen size bed.” 

“Nice,” I said, smiling. 

Dorothy opened the double doors to the boy’s dorm, then going to the black guy’s half. She made sure we quickly closed the door behind us so no freshman girls could get in. That made them mad. 

The black boy’s hallway was as beautiful as the rest of the school. It was brown wood with green carpet and big natural light pouring in with yellow evening light. In the middle of the hallway stood a huge guy, over six feet tall with perfect muscles through his Blackworth fleece and jeans. He looked like a bit of a rebel, with a fade cut with the top left messy. He had diamond stud earrings and a silver chain in his pocket. On his feet were expensive brand sneakers. He smirked possessively. 

“Ayo Dorothy!” he smiled, raising his arm. She ran up and hugged him tightly. 

“Ashley,” she said, “this is Master Jason. We’re gonna have fun tonight, aren’t we babe?” she looked up at him. 

“You know it bitch,” he smiled. “Nice to meetcha Ashley,” he shook my hand. Damn, it was so big and warm. I could already see a bulge in his pants. I wondered how big and warm that was. “Sup BP?” he fistbumped BP too. They clearly knew each other. And damn, Jason’ hand dwarfed the white boy’s. 

I noticed that plenty of white girls were kissing black guys, or getting their asses groped. I even saw some tits being sucked and dicks being choked on. Everyone walked past like it was nothing. It looked like Jason and Dorothy would join them very soon. 

“I’m sorry for not being able to come last night! I had to get the dorm ready for Ashley.” 

“It’s fine, babe. You just gotta make up for it when I cum tonight,” he said. She smiled at his little joke. 

BP walked back and sat on a bench, making himself small while I watched Dorothy feel up Jason. 

“So, how’s your first day been?” he asked me as Dorothy helped him take off his button down uniform shirt and fleece. She opened his room’s door and tossed them in. 

“Um, pretty good. I talked to some of the teachers, I really like what this school’s about. I- um- haven’t been blacked for real yet, but as soon as Dorothy introduced me to it, I broke up with my loser white boyfriend and have only masturbated to porn with black guys. It’s so much better- more real too.” 

“It damn is,” he smiled, grabbing her ass through her shorts. “Dorothy’s the best little slut at this school. Gives me the best blowjobs too- and god damn I’m horny.” I could tell. His bulge snaked down his pants, and it was fucking massive. It’d probably look bigger if Dorothy could take her hands off of it. Not that I could blame her for wanting to touch that thing. 

“Please, my black king,” she kneeled down in front of Jason, “Your snowbunny is ready to serve.” 

“Very well then, babe,” he breathed, unzipping his pants and pulling his cock ou- 

FUCK! That thing was fucking huge! When he pulled it out, the whole thing fell out like it was a waterfall. It was pretty soft, but still flopped around like a bean bag as long as my arm! No wonder Dorothy was drooling and falling to her knees. 

“Thank you master!” she drooled. With the mouth she spent hours talking about black guys with, she sloppily licked up and down his black shaft. 

“Yes baby girl, lick up and down my big rod,” He smiled at her as her mouth made his cock get hard. 

She wrapped her arm and legs around his strong leg. Still drooling, she kissed his balls, his base, and right above his cock. Then, she grabbed his bobbing dick and took it down her throat and back out with ease. I had no idea she could do that. “Stupid white cocks get awawy from me and master!” She yelled at BP and some white boys which walked past. 

“Princess- would you like to continue this more.. Privately?” 

“Y-yes black master! Let’s go!” 

“Nooo,” whined BP, getting his little dick out of his pants. I elbowed him in the ribs, not wanting his whines to stop me from seeing this. 

They entered their room without so much as closing the door. It wasn’t too long until I heard a bunch of loud ‘SLAP SLAP SLAP’. I didn’t want to just sit there next to BP as he pulled down his pants and showed off the full 2 inches he had. Jeez, he was smaller than my ex. I let myself in. 

I exptected them to be fucking already, based on the noises, but instead she was tossed over the bed on her back with his cock ramming down her throat. They were so huge and massive that when they 

slapped against her face, it was loud enough to sound like a girl’s whole ass bouncing on a guys cock. He pulled it out and covered her face with her juicy drool. 

“Yess master, slap my snowbunny face with your huge balls! It’s such an honor!” I wasn’t even sure if she noticed me. 

“How my balls taste, slut?” 

“Like hard working black sweat! Tastes like heaven, my king?” 

BP stepped up behind me with his soft little feet against the tile. “I want sis to taste my balls,” he muttered, stroking off. I told him to shut the fuck up. 

It seemed Dorothy did notice us. “Bye bye white boys I only suck black cock!” She held up two peace signs. 

“B-but she wouldn’t even have to put in an effort” he argued with a wimpy whisper. 

“The answer is no,” boomed Jason. 

“N-not even a good luck kiss?” whimpered BP. 

“No girl would ever want that little dick!” she rolled around onto her stomach. Then she grabbed his cock and deepthroated her master’s cock. 

He lit up with pleasure and began to face fuck his little princess. “Fuck yeah bitch!” The sounds of wet slapping and groaning can be heard throughout the room. She stuck out her tongue while her mouth was pounded to lick his huge balls. 

“RAAGH!” he scared BP with his scream, “FUCK YES!" 

She sucked his shaft, taking it in and out of his throat while she pulled herself in with her arms, wrapped around his legs. 

“Fuckin workin for that nigga nut God DAYUM!” He pulled it out and slapped it against her face. 

She gently kissed his shaft with each time it strongly hit her face. “Yes my black king, please cover me with your godly seed!” 

“Unnnngh SHIT!” He yelled, jacking his wet dick over her face. 

She smothered her face in his soaking wet cock. It was big enough to cover her entire face. No wonder it was so hard for him to get his dick blown well. “Please my king give me seed! Let me taste you master!” BP let out a little moan. Just like Mrs. McCaa said, he came a few dribbles on the floor. They both looked over. “HOW DARE YOU?!” she shrieked at him. I only heard Dorothy yell like that when she heard I was once groped at a party by a senior when I was a freshman. “His divine cock is only for snowbunnies to climb on!” BP was scared, and tried to run off, but slipped on the floor. Not on his cum, 

of course. I’m pretty sure it already evaporated. 

“Get out here, short lil white boy!” yelled Jason, stuffing his dick down her throat to cum down. He filled her whole stomach and esophagus. BP ran out to the hallway and got his little dick laughed at. 

“You know that doesn’t satisfy me,” breathed Dorothy. She turned around to lay on her back and spread her legs. “M-master? Please help..” 

He got on his knee, licking his lips then licking his princess’ pink pussy. “Mmmm- MMM!’ 

“P-please breed with me my kind please! I can’t control myself!” 

“Alright bitch,” he got up and slurped his lips. 

“One step closer to white boy extinction my king!” He slid his rock hard black cock into her pussy. She instantly groaned as his beast penetrates her. “O-ooooo---- my king!” He jammed the rest of his cock in her tight pussy as he cackled happily. She moaned with pure bliss as her mind got hazy. “Being blacked is great!” 

I started to give into temptation and took a seat in the corner. I slipped my hand down my leggings to touch my pussier. It had never been wetter. 

“You love my big black cock in that pussy baby?” 

She arched her back and forced herself on his gargantuan thing, “Yes my King!! A white boy could never please a woman like you can, my king!!” 

“Glad to HEAR IT!” He lifted her whole body up with his huge strength and began to fuck her. He was thorough and clearly knew exactly how to fit the whole thing in her. She wrapped her legs around him as he fucked her. The walls of her pussy squelched out juices and they tightly hugged her cock. “UNG! FUCKING TIGHT PUSSY!” he fucked her faster and harder. 

She moaned as her pussy loosened. “A-AH!” 

“You cummin on this DICK?!” 

“S-soon my king! My pussy loves black cock!” 

“Cum on this big nigga dick!!!” he slammed his cock deeper in her pussy. 

She tightly wrapped her arms and legs around her master and thrashed on his huge cock. She pulled herself up to hug close to his sweaty chest. “Black boys are so gooood!” She started squirting sticky fluids from her pussy and throbbing clit. 

“Uh! Uh! Keep cumming!” 

She groaned and moaned loudly as her pussy convulsed on his cock, “Ughhhhh master feels so 

good!!” “UNNNN! FUCK yes!” She clung to her master and gasped for air. “Oh, it ain’t over yet, bitch!” he tossed her down, forced her legs apart, and looked right into my eyes. Then, just to show off, he took out his cock and shot in incredibly thick load of ropy cum right in her gaped pussy hole. It all went in. 

“U-ughhhhh black cokkkkkk.” I’d be moaning the same thing if I were her. Fuck, I’d love to fuck a black guy half Blackwolf’s size. To shove more fingers into my converted snowbunny pussy. I ripped off my leggings. Plenty of people outside were naked anyways. 

“Damn, bitch! I’m gonna sleep well tonight!” 

I just noticed then that BP and one of his white loser friends were peeking in. The didn’t even look at me, naked and fingering myself juicily. They stared at that huge black cock, enchanted by jealousy and horniness. 

“M-hmm,” she said, closing her eyes and wiggling herself around as she enjoyed the black cum inside her. “H-hey, white boys!” she said deliriously. “You too, Ashley! Only a black man could ever make a white girl like myself have so much pleasure! Think about THAT when you sleep, white loser boys! And my king- thank you for blacking me... I love black cocks forever.” 

“That’s my girl,” he slapped her thigh, letting her legs close. 

“That makes me hard... muttered the other white boy. 

Dorothy blushed at that and put her hands over her eyes. “Be quiet loser, you never will! Go tug your little shrimp dick while thinking of master. Gross little white boys!” Jason got up and walked out of the room. I couldn’t help but laugh as I saw his huge thing swung past his knees. Compared to that, BP and his gooning friend looked like insects. 

“You’re both undeserving to be around master!” his friend opened his mouth, but Dorothy shut him up. “Your little dicks will never be good enough- because you know what? Size does matter.” 

Jason shoved his way back into the dorm, drinking a gatorade. “Spoken like a true size queen.” 

“Thank you for the praise my master.” 

BP stroked his stiff little thing. “I think it can get a little bigger...” 

“HAHAHAHAHA! Oh PLEASE!” laughed Jason. 

“You both disgust me. White dicks mean nothing to me!” She gently rubbed her master’s cock and points it to the whiteboys. “THIS is what a girl wants!” 

The new boy shook and leaked at the BBC. “Yes ma’am I am weak.” 

“D-didn’t Master Jason say he wants more?” asked BP, loyal as he promised he would be. “Master wants more? Good. Let’s mate all night long, my king! My holes will be stuffed with superior 

black seed! White boys exist only to serve their black kings and white queens!” 

“Whitebois like me are weak and pathetic. Let us worship!” moaned BP’s friend. 

“Yes you are.” 

“Worship what? You stupid loser.” 

“I- I wanna worship your ass,” begged BP, “As it’s pounded by BBC.” 

“Pathetic and Horny. Fitting for white trash like you. I bet if I twerked all the white boys here would cum instantly. You know why? Because you are all gross worthless cucks.” 

“Mm- yes I would. I’d shoot my cums all over the floor!” BP blushed, “M-master’s cum is so thick, sis.” 

“Thicker than my thighs.” She smiled at him and turned around, showing off her ass to Jason and twerking with all her might. 

“Awww, I wish I could watch...” whined BP, “I’m sure his cum’s like glue. 

“C’mon babe, spread my ass cheeks wide and cum inside! Your princess’ ass is nothing but a black man’s cum dumpster!” I climbed over onto the bed next to them, not wanting to stay next to those pathetic white boys. 

“W-what do we do when he cums?” 

“Princess? What do you think?” asked Jason, looking at her as he started finger me. His hands were huge! I tossed my head back as he did his magic. 

“Let the whiteboys lick your cum if they want, their cum goes in the trash though! And if any of their white cum touches me, please beat them up!” 

The boys just moaned. 

“SAY THANK YOU! Master’s cum is glorious, not just anyone gets to lick it up!” 

“THANK YOU SISTER DOROTHY!” the white boys yelled. 

“Now go splurt in the trash, sis is about to get pounded.” 

They both started moaning. The new one kept fapping, but BP came in pathetic seconds, before I even got to see his black cock stretch my best friend’s asshole. 

“Dangit... I always cum first!” already soft, BP walked over to grab a tissue, and got down to clean up his load. 

“Your cum is worthless,” huffed Dorothy as her asshole got pounded, “If it touches me I will vomit. And 

don’t get it on the floor! Get it into the trash! Or the toilet!” 

“I- I jerk my little white thing every time I go to the bathroom!” moaned BP as his friend ran to the toilet. TMI, dude. 

Dorothy’s master- no, our master, had enough of it too. He pushed his cockhead deeper in her stretchy asshole and smacked her cheeks. “Twerk more babygirl! Shut the fuck up about them!” 

“Y-yes my king!” She bent over further and twerked for her. Both me and him were enchanted by how she took his cock anally. 

“Unf! Some BOOTY cheeks!” He stroked the lengthy part of his monster cock that wasn’t in her ass yet. 

She bit her lip and twerked faster. He shoved another finger in my horny pussy. “Watch, white boys!” she cheered. They said something, sounding like moaning little girls. I was in too much bliss to hear it. “I’m gonna vomit if you keep talking!” 

He finally stuck the rest of his rod right into her. “UNNGH! GET IN THERE! DEEP IN THAT TIGHT BUBBLE BOOTY!” he shouted. She groaned as he fully entered her ass and she drooled on his bed. 

“M-my ass feels so good!” 

“DAMN this ass!” 

Her ass convulsed, opening up to fit his cock to the hilt as she trained it. “Ugh ughhh ohhhh fuck- mmmmm” 

“Tell daddy how you want it, and beg for it.” 

She bit her lip and twerked as he fucked her, “D-daddy please I want it rough! Show Ashley how you break my snowbunny ass!” I decided then that we would be friends for life then and there. I just closed my eyes and listen to what they said. “Stretch it out daddy please do it... I want it so bad these stupid white boys are so pathetic, show them daddy, show them how a woman should be pleasured!” She sounded delirious. I loved this school. 

“RRrrrr FUCK YEAH!” he pulled me closer with one hand, easily muscling my whole body over so he could better finger me while he fucked Dorothy’s ass. He was just fingering me, and wasn’t even paying much attention to me, but it was already the best sex I’d ever had. “You like the way Daddy FUCKS YOU, BITCH?!” 

“O-oh daddy!! YES!!!” 

For what felt like half an hour, I heard him yell about how tight her butthole was and how tight her ass was and how much he loved her butt shaking and how red he was making it. She screeched about how much she loved his big black cock, and how her asshole was gonna be permanently stretched after tonight. 

The room was filled with sharp moans. Her mind was slowly shattered as she came at least a few times from her asshole being stretched into a gaping hole.. I definitely did. 

“FUCK YES!” he tore his hands from my pussy after I came twice to slap her ass. I missed his warm fingers... “Damn, you’re STRETCHED,” he slapped her ass. She groaned in bliss as her asshole was completely broken by her master. “You want this bitch?” He ripped his hard cock out of her hole and stroked it. 

She collapsed weekly on the bed, eyes rolled back in her head as she groaned, “Black cooooooock.” 

He flipped her over to put it back in. Once again, muscled young man pounded that black ass. Her eyes opened again, then quickly crossed as she moaned as loud as she could. “UNG! FUCK! I’M GONNA NUT IN YOU, BABY GIRL!” 

I could see her stomach stretch as he slammed his cock as deep as it could go. “Cummmmmmmmm,” she moaned, her ass still gaping as she groaned loudly. 

“AAARRRRRRRGH!” he yelled, blasting a fat, huge load deep in her ass. 

Oh, fuck. I came again. I didn’t even notice I was touching myself. 

Dorothy’s tongue came out of her mouth, leaving a trail of drool as it slid off his cock, “Ugggghhhghghgh cockkkkkkkk.” Her ass was left a gaping, filled, cummy mess as she lay on the bed drooling with a soaking wet pussy. Master had broken her. 

“Fuck,” he said, plopping back on his pillows as his huge cock flopped out from between her asscheeks. “God-dayum. That was the best fuck I think I’ve ever had.” 

I got up, my own cum between my thighs. My nose wrinkled as I smelled the sweaty, dirty, cum-covered sheets. In my heart though, I loved it. “C-can I go next? I asked.” 

“Maybe later, babe. I kinda tired. Did you see.. Did you see where those white boys ran off to?” 

I shook my head. 

“Good. Fuck ‘em, right? Or don’t.” He grinned at me. I smiled black, blushing. I couldn’t believe a naked black guy who just fucked my best friend in front of me was flirting with me, and I liked it! 

“So... I’ll just take Dorothy back to her room?” 

“Sounds good, babe.” 

I got up, pulling Dorothy’s sticky body off the bed. Thankfully she was smaller than me. I carried her bridal style out of the room. 

“Hey,” he called back right before I left. He grinned devilishly. “See you tomorrow.” 

I carried my sexy, dripping friend through the halls and to our dorm, plopping her on our bunk bed once we got there. I’d have to get my clothes back tomorrow. 

Steamy black cum leaked from her ass as she groaned in monotone. She looked in pure bliss. The kind of bliss only a black man could give. To that, I sat on the floor and fingered myself again. 

My first night at Blackworth, I didn’t sleep at all. And I fucking loved it. 

[mydorkycreations]

also, for that other question: 2, 3, 5, 25, 33, 46, 58, 66, 73, 90, and 94 for jasper nd maybe hiroki?? or aaron? :O

Jasper:

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal?

Oh, only almost every medium-to-large sea beast in existence

3. What do they wear to bed?

Traditionally, things that he likes that are a little too worn out for him to want to wear in public any more (provided it’s comfy enough) or just things that don’t really “go” for his Everyday Aesthetic but he still likes (mostly clothes he’s stolen from his friends or gotten as gifts)

He’s also more recently discovered the realm of nightgowns and is having a wonderful time with that

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone?

He and Shawn have had a secret handshake since they were like six and it baffles Friday and Susan (and formerly Gregory) beyond belief. It changes every time they do it, but it’s always so perfectly coordinated there’s no way it’s improvised. Do they just have a million of them? Do they have a complex system in which elements are rearranged based off of the months/weeks/seasons/times of day/moon sign? Are they actually two extensions of the same hivemind? The world will never know

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

The obnoxiously loud gay one. Also the one that was practically the attack dog/protector of the rest of the squad

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

No, but he got some of that like,, hair chalk, I think it was? I used to see ads for it on TV all the time in like middle school and his dads got him that one year for his birthday. It was a fun expiriment

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

He’s won SO MANY Halloween costume contests. The prices are normally bragging rights

58. Do they like to show off?

Yep

66. Do they like glowsticks?

Absolutely

73. What attracts them to another person?

Their vibes

I don’t know how he does it, he just looks at people and is just like “...yes. I will befriend that now”

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

like 90% of the internet’s jokes about gays and their bad fashion, particularly the line “I AM A BEACON OF SIN”

94. Do they take criticism well?

Yes, actually, UNLESS it’s about his clothes

Hiroki

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal?

He’s not overly fond of centipedes or millipedes and HATES cockroaches 

3. What do they wear to bed?

Always shirtless (yay sensitive scar tissue issues). Pants are an option rarely opted for 

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone?

not on a technicality, but he and Georgie do have this sort of hand grab-slash-greet thing that neither one does with anyone else

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

Oh he was 500% the goth kid that just brooded at people

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

Nope

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

He doesn’t really participate in contests period, so no

58. Do they like to show off?

On occasion 

66. Do they like glowsticks?

As much as an average person

73. What attracts them to another person?

Anything. Good vibes? Attracted. Muscles? Attracted. Aesthetically pleasing? Attracted. Funny? Attracted? Smells good? Attracted. You said you like his hair one (1) time? Attracted. He’s oddly drawn to people despite his very introverted tendencies

Grant it it’s also easy to undo that attraction because a lot of times the things that draw him to people initially are very superficial, but still

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

This tiktok, also just a lot of like. Cat jokes

94. Do they take criticism well?

NO

He needs to respect whoever is giving him criticism SO DAMN MUCH to take it halfway decently. This man is many things, but being able to take criticism is not one of his good qualities

Aaron

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal?

Rats. Rats are Scary and Bad

3. What do they wear to bed?

Nothing when he can get away with it

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone?

He probably did with someone at some point before growing out of it

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

The nerd/teacher’s pet. Help him. He was bullied so bad

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

He tried to dye it once, chickened out after bleaching it, and then just shaved his head. And that’s the story of middle school Aaron trying to go through teenage rebellion and failing

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

The spelling bee. Seventh grade. His parents still brag about it and it drives him nuts

58. Do they like to show off?

No, that’s Too Much Attention

66. Do they like glowsticks?

More than Hiroki but less than Jasper

73. What attracts them to another person?

Aaron’s standards are fairly low, but the thing that’ll basically make him try to insta-friend you is if you compliment him

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

Move, I’m ~gay~

94. Do they take criticism well?

Yes

Well, no?

Yes as in he won’t get upset about it like Hiroki. No as in he’ll beat himself up over it way too much, even if the criticism was bullshit. He and Hiroki are a good balance for each other that way, because Aaron will drag Hiroki’s ego by the ear when he deserves it, and Hiroki drags Aaron out of his wallowing in self depreciation

[tillman]

hi i ranked every single dark souls 1 character by who i think is the most kissable . its 79 characters all with a description of why theyre at the place theyre at with images for reference :-) its all under cut for u to enjoy.. thank u

this is all my opinion cus hehe im making the list but also im god so this is fact now . 

counting down because u know what ! buildup is fun and i have to start off with everyones most favorite:

GWYN - 79

im kidding. fuck gwyn and everything he stands for. he wouldnt even be a good kisser he doesnt have FUCKING LIPS

SEATH - 78

oh you really wanna kiss the incel dragon who kidnaps ladies for his weird experiements?? yeah?? who are you, big hat logan?

EINGYI - 77

heres one i wont get hate for: this fucking asshole . die bastard . he cant even kiss his face is all infected and gross!

KAATHE - 76

he sucks.

SMOUGH - 75

not only is he too big to kiss! hes a cannibal!! hed eat you!!!! thats no kiss i want!

MANUS - 74

listen i know yall love daddies and all that but hes manipulative and not a nice person so id watch out. i GUESS hes kissable as he was a human before but def not a good kiss

BED OF CHAOS - 73

its just some vines that sometimes set on fire!! If it were still the witch of izalith she would be probally in the 20s as shes a good person who tried very hard to help the world but in this state... u cant even kiss her!

FRAMPT - 72

better than kaathe but the whole no lips and being a manipulative snake monster really throws me off and shoves him down at the bottom

FINA (GODDESS OF LOVE/BEAUTY (?)) - 71

(mentioned character - no image sorry :-( )

Listen as much as im all for love, this is love u dont want ! just trust me dont be lautrec dont do it you dont want to kiss fina listen to me. please dont kiss fina.

VINCE AND NICO - 70

way of the white members are NOTABLY unkissable but these guys. are just so boring. theyll be your white bread boyfriend as neil would say... bad kissers and bad people!

LAUTREC - 69 

aw fuck wait can i make another character 69 he doesnt deserve it. anyways not only is he not over his ex (fina) hed probally gut you and steal your lunch money half way through the kiss anyways so whats the point . thats not how u treat a lover idiot

CENTIPEDE DEMON - 68

it eats your face and you die. next pleaaase

PETRUS - 67

another way of the white cleric. he at least starts off nice and he says fuck rich people but also he let that happen to rhea and i fucking hate his guts so no.

PALADIN LEEROY - 66 

out of all the way of the white idiots hes the best in that he wears armor and seems cool but its the way of the white man.  i cant get past that. sorry leeroy at least your armor is cool. he probably hasnt kissed someone in hundreds of years anyways 

MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY - 65

delicate ... but beautiful! i dunno how to smooch it but i def would if i could ! i dont think it can kiss back but, o well! we all have flaws

IRON GOLEM - 64

it cant kiss back but its COOL and can throw me like a javelin so like . yeehaw id smooch its little face place 

UNDEAD MERCHANTS (BOTH) - 63

between moss and yulia i think they got enough on their plates! plus since theyre so hollowed, i dont think they have any lips to kiss back with! 

INGWARD - 62

hes not like . bad persay but also i dont trust him after he helped with new londo. cool design tho. i wanna kiss that bird beak mask

JEREMIAH - 61

was a bullfrog, and never took off his crown long enough to kiss another person...... i feel like if he did though! oh boy!!!

Asylum Demon + Demon Firesage + Stray Demon - 60

more kissable than some bosses, but still not the greatest lips. good butts though on all of them.... so i guess thats fr u kinky people 

SNUGGLY THE CROW - 59

(no image shes a crow) 

please stop drawing her as an anime girl shes literally just a grow that likes warm things oh my god you freaks be nice to her

BIG HAT LOGAN - 58

hes hard to kiss around the hat! and on that note hes pretty much taken with his obsession with seath. good luck! hes nice though so better than most of this list so far

GAPING DRAGON - 57

ranked so high because past its giant underbelly of teeth and destruction is this very tiny head which i think is so funny i cant help but want to kiss its little snoot.... hehe baby

PRINCE RICARD - 56

oh now were actually getting into kissable range! ricard is a prince (maybe even of astora... kissability increase.) so his high ranking might get you some kissability points, but the hollowing is gonna lower that. 4/10 no kissable lips!

4 KINGS - 55

whats better than a prince..... a king... whats better than a king..................  4 KINGS! just watch out for their overly anime spiky armor and the fact their in a never ending void nightmare but they do have faces so thats points above the rest!

SALAMAN - 54

(mentioned character only! sorry!)

hmmmm we dont learn much about him other than he was close with quelana and he was ............ hot!  hes a pyromancer.  being of the great swamp pushes him down a bit because he prolly smells like his name sake but u know what ! maybe hes cute! we cant be sure! hes in the running at least!

TAURUS DEMON - 53

hmm... bad lover.... good kisser................................................... the things i do for big beefy demon love.

GOUGH - 52

While you cant kiss gough cus all the sap in his helmet i cant bare to put him lower than he is hes just so sweet. a kiss on his helmet because i love him so much

NITO - 51

while he cant kiss back, nito deserves a kiss or two! plus he has a lot of hands so u can hold his hands and be hugged at the same time and u know what that might be just as good as a nice kiss. good on you nito!

STONE DRAGON - 50

again a non kisser........ damn beaks! the stone dragon does need a kiss though. they havent seen another living soul in years down in ash lake! so im giving them points on that alone.

VAMOS - 49

like the last two.... no lips! vamos though makes up for it in his charm and wit, and his exceptional skill in smithing! so even without lips to kiss, you still should kiss vamos! hes a good friend

ARIAMIS - 48

(mentioned !)

wow... a painter! and a skilled one at that! this man created the painted world used to keep priscilla safe and that is so noble it gives him points right off the bat! i feel like though, as an artist, he might be a bit weird about it. so watch out and be safe, but in the end, get free art and some free smooches out of him!

ELIZABETH - 47

thats my mom ... of course she gets a good cheek smooch for all her hard work keeping dusk safe!

DOMHNALL - 46

i love domhnall hes a good guy whos trying his best but also his mask is so fucking goofy i dunno if i can do it .

RICKERT - 45

as much as i think rickert would be a good kiss (hes smart, cute, and skilled!) he is trapped behind some bars willingly and probably wont let you in. i can dream though!

CEASLESS DISCHARGE - 44

if theres any boss that NEEDS a kiss its him. poor dude lost all his family and was turned into this laughing stock of a creature. youd probably burn your lips but .... please just be nice to him :-(

SHIVAS BODYGUARD - 43

ooo a strong yet silent type.... hes even cute under his mask! good kiss, but i feel like he might just care more about his actual job than a kiss ! hes dedicated !

CIARAN - 42

putting aside me knowing shed be a good kisser, i just understand she probably doesnt want a kiss right now, shes grieving over the loss of her friend and i respect her comfort. maybe a good pat on the shoulder and a cup of nice tea with her would be nice though! 

PINWHEEL - 41

may seem like a weird choice to put a necromancer up so high on the list but.... honestly pinwheel needs some love. dude lost his whole family and in trying to revive them accidentally fused them to himself. while he might not be the best kisser, i honestly just wanna tell him everythings gonna be ok.

KIRK - 40

ok if you know me you KNOW how much it pains me to put kirk so low but. hes a busy guy! not only is he doing so much work to help out where he can with the fair lady, but you might just get pricked by his spiky armor while youre going in for the smooch! so, as much as he deserves a kiss for all his hard work, maybe pass until another time!

SIEGLINDE - 39

were getting there! she is just so strong... and so brave........ she may not even be undead! sieglinde is so strong and wonderful doing all that just to deliver a message to her unruly father, she deserves so many kisses! Shes got a lot on her plate though so please respect her......

BERENIKE - 38

(just mentioned!)

implied to be a huge strong knight who made it to even sens fortress! yes please ! 

BELL GARGOYLES - 37

hmmmmm,.......... if u can get past the whole lighting your face on fire, these are two loyal gargoyles! that seems pretty good to me!

BEATRICE - 36

a wonderful helpful witch friend! she is so nice to help you defeat flying bosses with her magic!! i love her so much! shes even cute to boot! 

GIANT BLACKSMITH - 35

HE HELP ANYTIME................... I HAVE TO GIVE HIM A KISS FOR ALL HIS HARD WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEGALLY I HAVE TO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RHEA - 34

putting aside my hatred of the way of white.... rhea really is just a babey.... shes adorable and kind and just wants everyone to be ok so im won over. maybe a little forehead smooch for being such a good person!

OSCAR - 33

oh oscar. a noble, heroic, and cute knight but in the end. would he be a good kisser........ i feel yes, but maybe not so much so! hes busy focusing on being a hero you know! hes a good friend and i cant help but fall in love with nice guys

THE FAIR LADY - 32

she deserves the entire world and all i can give her is my humanity and a kiss........... sobs. i wish i could do more to ease her pain but she is so strong and wonderful! please give her a nice smooch! 

QUELANA - 31

i didnt wanna separate them ........ her wonderful sister! who even taught humans pyromancies! shes smart and nice, and honestly probably needs a kiss. 

MILDRED - 30

uh my notes from last night are just

so yeah! thats mildred!

CRESTFALLEN MERCHANT - 29

hes sad as fuck but also... kinda handsome! he was a knight of berenike and made it almost all of the way through sens fortress showing how skilled he is! a strong man like this (inspired by maybe the best kisser in demons souls, boirr) has to be a good kiss!

SIEGMEYER - 28

hes going through a lot right now but... how could u not think siegmeyer is kissable. thats on you man. thats your own character flaw.

OSWALD - 27

ok this might be slightly controversial but i feel like oswald would be a good kisser. if you got past his slightly weird love for velka who well get to (thats just carimites (carimians? carimfolk???)) hes nice and kind and maybe the funkiest character in dark souls

KALAMEET - 26

another cant kiss you but.... kalameet is just so cool ! very shadow the hedgehog and u know what that is NOT a bad thing. you might have a rough time trying to get there, but..... aww whos a good dragon.....

DARKMOON KNIGHTESS - 25

alright the final stretch! the darkmoon knightess is the anor londo firekeeper, and a friend of gwyndolin! shes supposed to be “ugly and shit” (real quote. i would never lie to you) but her model is so cute! defiantly kissable as fuck!

 SANCTUARY GUARDIAN - 24

GOFH ITS JUST A WIDDLE KITTEY CAT........... I GIVE IT A WIDDLE KISSEY ON ITS FOREHEAD AHOWHWWAWWW BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALVINA - 23

AWHAHWAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHES H(FADOESAGVFOSDHFSO CUET EIFEDKC LKOFIE JS I LOVE YOU FJEADFIDASHCODEUFCUSFKSDHFKSUHFC

DUSK - 22

oh yes!! the princess of a lost land...... will you be her knight in shining armor.......... oh i just love her so much. shes sweet and nice and cute and deserves a kiss or two!! please be nice to my daughter!

SHIVA - 21

hottie with cool armor and a cooler sword. since they cut his whole sidequest i can with all certianty say YES he is super kissable and is probably a great kisser 

QUELAAG - 20

IGNORIGN HER GIANT SPIDER LOWERBODY........... SHES JUST DOING THIS FOR HER SISTER SHE JUST WANTS TO HELP HER POOR SISTER WHOS IN PAIN HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE HER SO MUCH!! PLEASE KISS QUELAAG! 

GRIGGS - 19

im putting griggs so high cus hes kissable in a factor unseen before...... baby factor. hes soft and nice and is just trying to find his dad! just tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight! its what he deserves! 

ARTORIAS - 18

everyone already KNOWS why artorias is a good kisser. hes nice, strong, brave, and most importantly. cool as FUCKING HELL ! HE DOES SICK ANIME FLIPS!! if you can look past the abyss slowly taking him over, youll find a good good boy who deserves a good kiss.

ANASTACIA - 17

the good firekeeper who we spend most of our time with in 1! YES of COURSE Shes kissable. she deserves SO MANY kisses for all of her hard work in keeping the firekeep shrine lit! good job anastacia im sorry lautrec is like that

VELKA GODDESS OF SIN - 16

(just mentioned!)

if her title alone doesnt bring you in, youll be pleased to know shes implied to help watch over priscilla (who well get to hold your horses) and keep the poor girl safe! a strong sense of justice and a love of crows, shes probably an amazing kiss if you can find her! 

ANDRE - 15

were closing in on #1 and i just have to throw andre in here. hes so nice and strong! just . please kiss andre! he deserves some he does so much work! 

PRISCILLA - 14

poor priscilla. called a monstrous crossbreed and has to hide in a painted world to stay safe from those who would hurt her. including the internet! leave her alone you freaks shes not your fetish fuel!!! she deserves a good kiss on the cheek and a hug for all she has to put up with

 CRESTFALLEN WARRIOR - 13

its my list i get to put the crestfallen warrior where i want. and u know what? he would honestly be a good kiss. hes kind and helpful and never once wishes you harm, he just needs to be held tightly and kissed passionately and u know what. dont we all. 

GWYNEVERE - 12

she is beautiful but .... 1 shes married and 2 shes not even real! whatever. her husband the flame god flann is at least.......... hot! haahgdaefshdfcdhswfe im so fucking funny

BLACK IRON TARKUS - 11

listen i see a big beefy dude i go “hey thats hot please kiss me” so of course tarkus is this high up hes the beefiest dude around.... right?? anyways all knights of berenike are kissable hes just the MOST kissable of the 3 named ones!

ORNSTEIN - 10

this dude kisses the son of gwyn you KNOW hes a good kiss. the golden lion armor just helps so much. we love you ornstein .....

HAVEL THE ROCK - 9

HERE HE IS ... THE BEEFIEST GUY AROUND ... this bitch uses a DRAGONS TOOTH as a huge club to bash people with if that isnt big dick energy i dont know what is. armor made of stone. heart made of gold. havel the rock please god kiss me passionately under the moonlight .

SIF - 8

oghfoghfohg puppey..................................... SMOOCHIE THE PUPPY>...........

NAMELESS KING (!?) - 7

(hes just mentioned in ds1!!) 

I KNOW HES A DS3 BOSS BUT LISTEN TO ME THEY TALK ABOUT HIM SO MUCH IM ALLOWING THIS.  he defected from his awful dads team to go help the DRAGONS!! thats so cool hes so kissable. would be more kissable if he wasnt kissing ornstein but thats ok . i respect them both.

MARVELOUS CHESTER - 6

this MAY just because i have a huge crush on him but also here are some good kissable things about him: his fasion, his voice that sounds like a purr, his laugh, his malice, his funny mask, him. thank you for your time.

GWYNDOLIN - 5

FINAL FIVE! heres gwyndolin. the most kissable of all of gwyns children for the sheer fact of how much work they put in to making sure people stay safe and happy. they are so kind and wonderful they deserve SO MANY kisses! good on you gwyndolin....

LAURENTIUS - 4

now heres a fun one! laurentius is one of the nicest guys u will EVER meet in any souls game. he genuinely cares about you, he loves and respects u even if u dont respect him or his skills, hes nice cute and above all: i love him . please kiss laurentius he is a nice guy who just wants the best for u..... dont be mean to him.....................

CAPRA DEMON - 3

the highest one that cant kiss back and thats for the capra demons SHEER HORNY ENERGIES. this is a demon you can fuck! thats it i have nothing else to say i just think the capra demon is funny

SOLAIRE - 2

do i seriously have to explain why solaire is so high up. not only is he nice and cares about you, hes handsome, passionate, and just a good fucking person. he is hands down one of the most kissable characters in any souls game ever! fuck yeah! go off you funky little lover boy! 

and finally.

its patches.

[tacosandtomcos]

Spoiler Review for The Book Of Spells! pt 3!

Glad to see people are really enjoying these overviews of the past queens!

Sorry this one took longer, i have other things to take care of and it gets in the way sometimes.

but now that we’re back let’s get started-

So we’re actually at the midpoint of the book, and before we get to rhina, gloss has a section in here about mewberty and the mewberty form.

the midpoint of the book also points to where the queen sections are with comments from gloss about all of them. Though let’s do a overview of this section on the mewberty form before we get to rhina

We already get the gist with it in the show, that it’s a powerful form that gives you helpful tools for you as a magic user, but here’s some bonus info that’s new to us.

The book is meant, according to daron, to allude to some future events, so we should be on the lookout for anything important.

Mewberty and dipping down

You tend to pop into this form when feeling strong emotion

Mewberty wings only show when needed

keeping your wings clean is important, don’t machine wash them.

Those sparkly eyes are called omatidia eyes, they let you see more then one dimension at a time. Soupina got stuck in this state and she never came back, she went mad. So don’t let yourself get lost with this power.

these eyes also let you read every language.

your emotions can increase and decrease your density, helping you fly. Dirhhennia might never have gone through mewberty, but she had many accounts of waking up on the ceiling and crashing on her bed.

the arms also only pop out when needed, sometimes they can be hard to make go away though.

your voice may change in this form, explaining star’s weird voice when killing toffee. It’s a multidimensional voice, just like with the eyes. 

Each queens always has some unique signifiers in their mewberty form. Cres grew a big eyebrow each time she dipped down for example. Then it turned into a caterpiller and ran into the forest.

Negative emotions like envy and anger make for bad dipping down, making your form messed up and your magic unpredictable. while love and protection of another help you do fantastic and make your magic at it’s most powerful.

Tbh, alot of queens don’t manage to dip down, and it’s not exactly a bad thing considering the radiation it lets off. So it’s not frowned upon if you can’t do it.

Gloss then has a checklist of all kinds of silly things for him to do.

Here are my favs on here though

“Say nothing but globgor for a whole year” ( I can’t BELIEVE he wrote that down as one)

“Do nothing for five days”

“Change my voice” (Lol)

“Be a bridesmaid”

“Throw away all pants”

“die and be reborn” (Which he gave 4 checkmarks to, so uh..how  much has gloss died?)

Also he has ones he crossed out, which means he never intends to do them.

He crossed out things like “Learn how to apologize” and apologies to a number of characters.

it’s a funny page that you should see for yourself.

Then he has a page on all his bug pets and their names. He has six bug pets, three silkworms, a centipede, a beetle and an earwig.

He seems to love them like kids more then his OWN kids (The mhc), he even has pet names for them.

Gloss also has a bedroom in here, it’s weird and clearly a bit meta since there’s concept art in it on a drawing board.

Rhina

Rhina’s queen poem is basically alluding to this very same book getting destroyed when it gets to star.

Her crystal is unique, a nubrikian spinning cube, there’s only 7 in existence in all the universes. she has to rearrange the cubes before every spell. Also they’re hypnotic and staring at them is a bad idea.

she writes notes to herself.

She rhymes alot in her chapter..

The hear on her wand is rare and perfect for riddle craft.

her book is full of riddles to solve for fun.

The edge of her wand can cut glass.

Some text are written upsidedown or in weird positions.

She has a pet turtle she likes having by her side, she was only allowed to keep it in her chambers after she was queen. Her best friend got him from the cats with human faces dimension, because he belonged to a cat prince and her friend won him. He was a present to rhina when her friend first came to the caslte.

She actually has 5 millhorses inside her wand, one being her mother’s.

She has steps on doing riddles. You have to collect them, find a subject, size doesn’t matter, know the answer first, draft ,metaphors, alliteration, let the answer speak about itself, share with friends. 

Didn’t like Reynaldo the bald plate (That rando mch member) cause her made meetings riddle-free. She asked her mom to get rid of him, but that wasn’t possible, they kinda do what they want. Her mom still had her hand in alot of decisions through her daughter, rhina likes the help.

She was kinda hoping her mom would be queen a longer time and would not mind it it were forever, but she would rather spend a ton of time organizing her many spellbooks.

Finds gloss messy and bossy but at least he likes her riddles.

Friends with someone named lady gyoza, she came to stay with the family when rhina was age five and they’ve been friends since. They like to go on walks and braid daises in their hair. Gyoza looks like an owl because she’s 1/4th owl, she even sleeps late like one.

her turtle likes top-hats. also he has a mustache.

Skywynne knew lady gyoza’a grandpa, so that’s why she joined their family, for family friendship.

She made national riddle day on her birthday, which made every loyal subject give her a riddle. It wasn’t a success in the end.

was really bored about her meeting with the mch on the monster conflict.

uses riddle magic to make her spells, making the spells work is the hard part though. The trick of course is the spinning of the wand’s cubes and she only set gloss’s beard on fire five times anyway.

uses some cleaner to help make her wand spin right, it makes it look shiny too. It also smells like flowers from septarias, which gloss may be allergic to.

Has exercises for using objects with your arms, recommends asking a witch doctor or doctor before doing them. They’re weird ones with a book and a crystal ball. (Make sure if anyone lives in the book you tell them first before you do the exercise.) 

Changed from doing “Entries” to just posting her thoughts.

She and Gyoza went to a demon ball wearing black cat masks, and no one knew who they were. She liked not being seen, would want to wear masks more often, watch the sunrise from castle namparts.

Has an ideal perfect morning, and wrote it down.

Rhina kinda seems asexual and aromatic, she dislikes her mom encouraging her to find a king and her friend talking about love, rhina just finds it all boring.

has a page on special cube forms for her spells.

bit her nails and sometimes had to use her toes to move her cube.

has been to earth since one cube form is based on a chihuahua., it makes her wand bark after each spin.

Used a spell on Reynaldo to make him like riddles, but he ended up only speaking in riddles from then on. She and gloss could not find a counterspell. So they made him retire.

Her friend eventually left and had a going away party.

in the beginning of her chapter she reminded herself about this red ribbon as a reminded for something about the cats with human faces dimension and it becomes a running gag in this book that she forgot why she has it.

has a spell to disarm monsters with your attitude or inner beauty. This spell made some flower monsters in the forest cry.

She forced herself to fall in love using a spell, despite how much she didn’t want to and dated a second cousin of the lucitors named John Roachly who was very talented and they ended up married. (And i hate to bring this up again but for those of you about to pull the incest card on tomstar, if you do the math tom and star would be 6th cousins based on this, which would not be considered related, nor would tom and star share any dna between them. They’re distantly related due to rhina’s marriage, but they’re so distant it would not make them related nor should affect their relationship. I feel i HAVE to say this because lord knows this fandom will use anything it can against a ship regardless if it’s actually true or not.).

Rhina wanted to basically break John’s heart after this was over with, apparently he was a cruel person too, and get them separated. But she ended up KILLING him. Making her a window while she was still pregnant with celena. Cresenta is also apparently dead by this point but rhina thinks she’d be happy to know the queen line is still continuing.

She was really upset about killing john despite him being a jerk, her friend and turtle comforted her.

Rhina and Gyoza loved the great book of fashion, they liked to make fashion of their own from it.

She met with king ponyhead and his oldest daughter to discuss what happened with john. The demons were furious about the incident and they wanted to speak with them and try to make clean between them. Her bestie was not convinced this was gonna work.

her turtle passed away.

as she got older her wrists made it harder to do magic, but she didn’t need to do much anyway. She just wanted some to help make peace with the demons. 

Gyoza doesn’t trust the demons.

She wanted to bring celena with her to the meeting but she just hid in the drapes, and she got the book as her mom left to see what she could do to make it up to the demons.

So that’s rhina, not my fav in the book, as sometimes i can’t read her writing and turning the book in so many different angles was a little annoying. But her focus on riddles is unique and i like seeing different types of magic explored. For spells based on riddles they became far too literal and had bad effects in the process. When it came to her inner beauty spell, it made the monsters feel as bad as her, making them cry.

Also no, where she came from is never explained.

it’s kinda a shame that i feel the most people will take away from this chapter is the fact tom and star are distantly related (Despite the distance making them NOT related). But it’s interesting to see more on demons considering there so far isn’t too much on the lucitors in here. We haven’t even seen a single pic of a lucitor ancestor yet.

I have been made aware though, the lucitor and butterfly tensions because of this never fully resolved itself...until star and tom’s time.

Poor rhina though, pressured into kids and being married from her mom and it only led to problems with their allies.

Celena

Oh yay, another queen whose handwriting is hard to read

we don’t really get to learn much on celena’s wand...since she covers it with her fan, people who try to look with be cursed with painful shyness.

New millhorse, i think this millhorse if my fav so far, it’s so eerie and cool looking. He’s even shy like her, and he’s actually a ghost. He was also one of the five in her mom’s wand.

she also rhymes alot, i think she gets it from her mom. She writes poems more then riddles though for her spells.

she mostly looks at the ground, rather then people. She even says sorry to toadstools and fences if she bumps into them (they have feelings too). She also never speaks in public. Rhina though, doesn't like her saying sorry to non-living things...unless it’s in a riddle.

Gloss thinks she’s adorable.

Her spells are rather odd, there’s one dealing with love, but it’s it’s meant to make you fall in love or fall out of love is hard to tell.

has potions on attracting spirits and to make you a spirit, she was a potions master after all.

her chapter has all the Aureole signs, which are basically mewman zodiac signs. I can’t really explain all of them but if you need a pic just ask. Star even put the earth months and days here since mewni had their own months for this before.

She has a spell on mending a broken friendship. Something i feel is much more likely to be in s4 then some of the other things in this book.

Shyness is a gift to her, she only has to talk to who she wants to talk to, also she likes gloss, she thinks he’s small and silly.

There’s a protection charm in here.

Celena and her methods of magic rely more on herbs and such, it’s interesting. She just never seems to actually use her wand for any of her spells.

She has a cute little song about a pumpkin she grew.

She has a whole page on tarot cards, some familiar faces are on some of these cards.  As in, the other queens, Skywynne is represented as the queen, jushtin is represented as the king, Cresenta is true love,  and solaria is battle strength and that’s only some of them. These cards are made to cut out as well.

And that’s it, i’m honestly not kidding.

Celena has very little to say on her chapter and there’s nothing in terms of her family, her rules, the conflicts, or anything.

we aren’t even made aware who she married.

star in the beginning of this chapter is disappointed in the lack of secrets. But i wonder if celena had really any secrets at all, maybe her biggest secret...is everyone just thought she had one?

that or, if she had any secrets, she kept them out of this book.

She’s an adorable queen though, strange case.

Estrella

Estrella actually hated writing, she actually didn’t write anything in her chapter. Instead GLOSSARYCK actually is the ones talking and explaining about her in most of her section as we browse through her art. She says a few things but even still her chapter is very short.

Her wand was a pen, if it had magic powers, she never used them, she just used it to draw. She ended up devoting her life to art.

Same millhorse as her mom, the ghost one.

extrella was quiet, she didn’t talk much, and as queen she did very little. But this is what made mewmans love her, because there was no real change and they hated change She just spent all her time sketching all alone and finding cool plants that eventually comet made into food.

apparently the avarius’s at the time sank their fortunes in the scratch and sniff trade. Which does explain ludo’s folks a bit...

Red Solanacese was celena’s favorite.

Game of flags with the johansens was a thing by this point.

named a smelly plant “Crying dirt pile”.

found some sand to eat on her potato salad , calls it “Frown sand” and it tastes really good, she brought some back to the caslte.

Estrella drew during her MCH meetings, it was the only way she stood awake during them. Omni thought it was rude.

Seth is still alive by this point, has a group of rebels, apparently omni thought best they wait it out rather then go to war again.

Estrella’s last page is a sketch of her mom, alot older, her husband Azul Saint, who was a bard, and her baby comet. She calls them, “All of her loves”.

So yes, that’s two queens in a row with small chapters and not a lot to talk about.

it’s kind’ve a shame to me some of these other queens got so cut, i just feel like we could’ve had more on them, or other things happening during their time. But we didn’t. 

They end up feeling like placeholders just there to fill book space and that might bother me a bit. 

Estrella wasn’t much of a talker, but i feel like more could’ve been done with her.

There’s not much i can say because well....there’s not much to say in the fist place, that honestly about covers it.

We’ll continue with he last 3 queens soon enough.

thanks for reading, and i’ll see you soon!

[dramaticwrites]

Mood Rings (4/6)

Title: Mood Rings

Chapter: 4/6

Fandom: DCU

Pairing:  Jason Todd/Roy Harper

AO3:  HERE

Note: Oh wow it took me less than a year to post this...I’m getting better at this.  Also note I even have the rest figure out.  Though there may or may not be a follow up. 

Summary:  Jason just wanted to eat some cereal not explain to a grown man that a mood ring is not an engagement ring.  

“You know,” Roy said, his head rolling over to look at Jason.  “I’m kinda thinking maybe we should get a wedding singer for our wedding.  Do you think we can get one that looks like Adam Sandler?”

It was Friday night, and for some odd reason that had become movie night for Roy and Jason.  Jason wasn’t even sure when they started the tradition or when he started to actually look forward to their quiet Friday night tradition.  It wasn’t even a causal enjoyment but rather something that he looked forward to all week.  Usually if he was in charge of picking the movies he would spend all week thinking of what horror, and he did mean horror, he was going to put Roy through that week.  If he was in charge of picking out the food he would go back and forth about where to get take out from and always planned on getting some sweet treat that he would pretend he just casually saw on the way home and absolutely did not order in advance.

This Friday it as Jason’s turn to bring the takeout, in this case tacos with tres leche cake from the new bakery on the corner that Roy keep talking about trying.  They had spread a large blanket across the floor of the living room and stacked pillows against the couch as almost a makeshift picnic.  In the middle of the blanket was Jason’s seriously outdated laptop that Tim begged him to let him upgrade every single time he stopped by.  But they had Roy’s larger desktop that they used for actual work, the laptop was more for watching stupid animal videos on nights where both of them were too caffeinated to actually sleep.

“Remind me again why we are having movie night on the floor with a laptop instead of on the couch with the TV?”  Jason asked as he poured some more salsa on his taco.  

“Don’t you remember last Sunday you knocked it over and snapped the cord?”  Roy remind him, entering the room with a rather large stack of movies.

“I thought you were going to fix it?”  Jason said as Roy sat down spreading out his collection of movies next to him.

Roy laughed. “I’m so glad you have total faith in my handy man abilities, I know that’s why you’re marrying me.”  Jason gave him a pointed look, which just made Roy laugh harder.  It wasn’t worth his breath to remind him they were engaged every time he brought it up.  “But no, I was busy picking out the movies for this week.  So we will have to do this the old fashioned way.”

“I’m pretty sure the TV is the old fashioned way,”  Jason reminded him.  “So if it took you all week does that mean you came up with something that would top my night of The Room and The Disaster Artist?”  That was a night Jason was quite proud of, awful movies that Roy and him spent the whole time mocking ruthlessly.

Giving a small bow of his head, “I will never be able to beat your mastery”  Roy conceded.  “But I offer you a choice of five movies.”  

“I get a choice?”  Jason asked, narrowing his eyes, “Why?  What’s the catch?”

“You brought me cake?”  Roy responded with more of a question.  “I thought it would be fun?  I love you?  Take your pick.”

Jason rolled his eyes at Roy, “What are my options?”

“Okay so here we go.”  He said gleefully spreading out five boxes before him.  “We got Wedding Crashers, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, Four Weddings and a Funeral, The Wedding Singer, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.”

Jason let out a groan.  He should have known there would be a catch.  “Do you have anything without the word ‘wedding’ in it.”  Spitting out wedding like it was a curse word, and not one of the fun ones like fuck or shit.

“Nope.”  Roy said far too cheerfully for someone who ruined Jason’s favorite night of the week.  

It was a toss up between trying to out stubborn Roy by being silent or picking a movie and getting it over with.  It was times like these Jason really hated that Roy was almost as much of a stubborn bastard as him.  “Fine.” Jason said drawing it out.  “I guess The Wedding Singer.”  

It was also times like these Jason really wanted to hit the smug grin off his face as he put in the movie.  “You know I didn’t expect you to go for the down right romantic comedy.  I like seeing this side of you.”

“Next week I’m renting the Human Centipede and I’m going to lock my door that night so you can suffer.”  Jason swore but there was very little heat behind the words.  Roy could easily take off his door in the dark, or at least that's the excuse Jason would give when he didn’t lock his door because the Human Centipede thing was definitely happening.

“Whatever you say Jaybird.” Roy said, as he put the movie in and leaned over Jason to grab a taco.  “For now we have a night of lovely wedding movies to watch.”

Four tacos later and an hour later, the two had moved onto the cake.  Not bothering to actually cut it, the two each just casually dipped their fork into the giant cake between the two of them.  It saved time on dishes, or at least that was Roy’s suggestion and after all the tacos it didn’t sound bad.

“You know,” Roy said, his head rolling over to look at Jason.  “I’m kinda thinking maybe we should get a wedding singer for our wedding.  Do you think we can get one that looks like Adam Sandler?”

“No,”  Jason said plainly before turning back to the movie.

“I guess they don’t have to look like Adam Sandler.”  Roy mused.  

“We are not hiring a wedding singer because we’re not getting married.”  Jason said not taking his eyes off the movie.  “Maybe if you’re nice and stop mentioning this wedding stuff I’ll get you one for your birthday.”  

“Absolutely not.”  Roy said, putting his hand to his chest.  “I mean I think a wedding singer would be funny but if you want a DJ I’m okay with that too.  After all, it is your wedding too.”  

“No its not.”  Jason said firmly.

“Sure it is.”  Roy said leaning into Jason, resting his head on his shoulder and looking up with a shit eating grin.  “After all, all I care about is marrying you.  I’d be find doing it in a dump with seagulls as our witnesses.”

“Keep holding your breath.”  Jason muttered, trying to shrug Roy off his shoulder only to have it come back like a boomerang.  After a second attempt he figured it wasn’t worth the effort.  

As the movie got near the end  Jason felt like adding.  “Shit like this is why you’re better off with a DJ.”  

“Then we will get a DJ.”  Roy hummed, his eyes closed as he leaned against Jason’s arm.  

“We’re not getting married.”  Jason reminded him.

“Tell that to the DJ I’m hiring.”  Roy teased followed by a groan.  Roy was definitely going to be subjected to Human Centipede need week.  Maybe he could convince Roy to invite Dick to join them, it would look less suspicious if Roy did the inviting.  

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #402

“there’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat  /  with a spike in the chair just to make it complete”

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not an injury, per se, but I've had at least one ear piercing get infected during the healing process. Shit sucks ass. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? "Savior" by SWARM. Are you considered popular at school? I wasn't. If you could host your own talk show, would you do it? No. I've got nothing interesting to talk about. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? I honestly don't know if I could with how squeamish I am about sharing food, even with family. And we're talking about sharing food that's been in the TRASH. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I do. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? I THINK hearing. I hate silence, so that would just be... haunting. I want to be able to hear people's voices and other sounds. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I have no idea. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? God no. They're divorced for a reason. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Some ice cream and a Mountain Dew bc I'm an emotional eater, my "graduation" pebble from my partial hospitalization program to remember how far I've come, some cold water to run over my face (or drink), my iPod for music and phone to watch YouTube, a nice, big blanket to turn into a burrito in... that kind of stuff. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? I'm not actively searching for anyone, no. What is something that people make fun of you for? Always being on the computer. It makes me EXTREMELY self-conscious, and I really wish people would keep their mouths shut about it. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? Wal-Mart. Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? In the past. Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? Fuck no. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Probably just kinda smile and blush and look down/away. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? *shrug* Favorite photo search engine? Tumblr for gifs, Google or Pinterest for still images, depending on what I'm looking for. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? I'll do both, I think? It's been too long since I've swum. Ever made a snow angel? Ye-ep. Would you ever take up smoking? No. I like having operational lungs. Do you laugh at racial jokes? No. Hate to break it to ya, but they're not funny. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I've been loving Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland, even if I'm reading very slowly. My psychiatrist has given me a new way to approach my hobbies I have difficulty engaging in, so I'm hoping if I keep it up, my rate of reading will speed up! Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Ahaha, yeah... "a," "s," and "d." A true gamer. How "w" is still alive, I couldn't tell ya. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws, probably. The red ones, in specific. Last person you texted? My mom. What did you learn from your first job? That I can't work with people. Favorite website from your childhood? I was a Webkinz A D D I C T. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry came to mind very quickly. Least favorite pattern? uhhhhhhh Favorite potato food? Either French fries or Lays wavy potato chips. PC or console gaming? I grew up as a console gamer, so I'm kinda biased. Writing or drawing? Don't make me choose!! I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I'm proud of, but I do way more writing. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom, probably. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights are so cute. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? I shit you not, none. What is your third favourite colour? Hm. Maybe rose gold, or lilac. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I'm really not sure, but I WANT to say it was one of those slide-y, compact Blueberry ones? Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? The Cheshire Cat has always been very alluring to me. What is the last thing you looked up online? The definition to a word just to ensure I was using it correctly. Have you ever had your fortune read? No. I ain't wasting time or money on that shit. Can you read tarot cards? If you couldn't guess from above, I have zero faith in this kinda stuff, so I don't care to learn. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. I like lime flavoring in some stuff, though. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? The forest. Do you own a camera? I do, a Canon EOS Rebel T6. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yes. Early into our relationship, Jason lent me a book to read, and I wrote a lil love letter in it for him. Do you have any artistic talents? I mean I like to think I'm a good writer and a decent artist. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. It was fun because he's a horror pansy, haha. He did fine, though. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Freak the fuck out because I haven't had sex in many years, so that thing's coming the fuck out 'cuz it obviously ain't natural. Favorite thing to get at McDonalds? Look man, I'm shameless, I love me a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese. Plus some fries. :x Do you know anyone named Alex? I know multiple people named Alex, actually. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. In other words, it's been a loooong time.Would you ever record yourself having sex? God no. Like zero judgment to the people that do, but I get NOTHING out of watching others "do it." I've never actually tried watching porn, but I couldn't have less interest. I know I'd hate it, and a lot. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did, anyway. Have you or would you ever use a dating app? One of my most embarrassing secrets is that I was briefly on Christian Mingle. It makes me want to cringe into fucking oblivion. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He's... a character. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? That time fucking flies, so cherish every millisecond. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? Not really. Even when I was sexually active, I was private about that stuff. I don't care if others talk to me about theirs, but odds are I'm not saying much about myself. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? I've never had a bad interview, but I mean, I've only had I wanna say four in my whole life. None were anything special either, though. Ever put someone else in the hospital? No. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what? No. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Finding a container of puppy chow underneath the Christmas tree one year. It was my parents' way of telling me we were getting a dog (which I had been nagging them about FOREVER), and next came Teddy. <3 I miss my boy. Is someone in love with you? I wouldn't know. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? That's a hard no. Do you wear cologne/perfume/aftershave regularly? No. Do you snore? No, actually. Pretty astonishing for someone with such severe sleep apnea. When is the last time someone else slept in your bed? When Sara last visited. How often do you dust? Not... nearly enough as I'm supposed to. Mom gets on me about it all the time. What is the most ‘extreme’ activity you have ever done? Ha, nothing wild, I assure you. I guess riding a four-wheeler through the woods once with our former neighbors, who were good friends of ours.. Have you ever rode on a mobility scooter/wheelchair just for fun? Um, no? That's a jackass thing to do. Some people actually need those. Who’s the most controlling person you know? OH MY FUCKING GOD. OUR FAMILY FRIEND TOBEY. EASILY. She seizes control of EVERY situation, even if she has no right to be involved in it. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? Not to my knowledge. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do! I like arriving in time to see them. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Have you ever entered anything into Urban Dictionary? If so, what? No. What’s the last live performance you watched on TV? No idea. Have you ever been embarrassed to buy something from a shop? Not to my recollection. It helps that I'm not the one buying things, like ever. What’s the name of one of your friends’ dogs? Buster! :') He's a precious lil bean. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A GIANT CENTIPEDE. That's one pet in the invert community that I have ZERO interest in EVER owning. Those bitches are scary. Have you ever needed to wear a tie? If so, when/why? Nope.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Xanadu & Why the Razzies Suck

The Razzies are probably the worst awards show out there for determining the quality of a film or performance. Mommie Dearest won for worst film of the 80s, Ben Affleck was nominated for worst actor for his role as Batman, The Shining and The Thing were both nominated, the people selecting the movies aren’t required to see them and go for the blandest, easiest targets… It’s safe to say the Razzies are a giant steaming turd of determining quality, and they are rightfully despised by just about every sort of legitimate critic and cinephile; notably, Brad Jones AKA the Cinema Snob has bashed them several times for their shitty qualifications for what is ‘bad.’ And if you don’t think their shitty judge of quality has been there from the start, here’s a look at one of the films that inspired the show: Xanadu.

Xanadu is a campy, glitzy musical made in the dying days of disco… but this isn’t just any musical. This is a musical where the soundtrack was done by Electric Light Orchestra and Olivia Newton-John in her heyday. With a combo like that, how the fuck could this fail? Well, I do have a theory, but let’s take a look at the plot first…

Xanadu is the tale of a struggling, frustrated artist named Sonny who paints album covers for a living… which is something he hates doing. In frustration he tosses some of his drawings to the wind, and through the power of early 80s disco light special effects, a drawing of nine girls comes to life; one of the girls, Kira, a rollerskating disco muse, finds and kisses him, and after being kissed by a muse Sonny’s whole life starts looking up. He meets Danny McGuire (played by Gene Kelly), a former big band leader, and soon with the encouragement of Kira the two new friends decide to convert on old abandoned building into a roller disco: Xanadu. Sonny and Kira also start to fall in love, but is their love doomed? I mean, she’s a muse after all. You know how human/divine being relations go, especially when said divine beings are Greek.

There is absolutely no denying that this movie is ridiculously campy and cheesy. The corny special effects with their glowing disco lights, the ridiculous styles, the very premise… it’s just so delightfully goofy. But see, I think this might be the main issue, and why this movie failed in the first place: it was, weirdly, too ahead of its time. Campy disco musicals weren’t really something people wanted when disco was on the way out the door, and who could have predicted disco would make a big comeback years later and that young woman and gay men would latch on to this glitzy musical with its hopeful message down the line? This is the same problem Batman & Robin would have years later; it is a film that came out at the wrong time, a time when people weren’t demanding what the film was offering. If this movie had come out later, sure, maybe it would have been ‘better,’ but it may not have had the same level of charm.

But even with understanding how one could find it bad… is it really so bad that it deserved to inspire an awful awards show that awarded bad movies? Fuck no. Gene Kelly is in here, and even at his age he is still as fleet on his feet; that guy had the fucking fire in his legs and was dancing like a madman. The story, while rather simple, is incredibly relatable and even timeless in a way; artists have always and will always feel the pain of struggling to find joy in their work, hoping they find the muse that will strike them with a grand idea that will set them free. There’s also an animated interlude in here courtesy of Don Bluth, in his first post-Disney animation work, and it is as fantastic as you’d expect from 80s Don Bluth. And then there’s the soundtrack… oh lord, the soundtrack.

We have one of my all time favorite bands combining with the charming Aussie songstress Olivia Newton-John, and by the gods this combination is like peanut butter and jelly. They work so well together. My favorite tracks are probably “All Around the World,” “I’m Alive,” “Magic,” and of course the title track, “Xanadu.” Some of the tracks even combine different genres, such as “Dancin’” combining big band music and glam rock together. The soundtrack itself also runs through tons of genres; there’s disco, rock, pop, and big band on here, there’s a genre for anyone to enjoy. I DO wish that they had the two songs the later stage adaptation added - “Strange Magic” and “Evil Woman” - but that’s only because those two songs are my favorite Electric Light Orchestra songs. Overall, this soundtrack is fun and fantastic, and though I can’t say I love every single song, the music certainly helps carry the movie.

Is this a perfect film? No way, but honestly, its imperfections are what make it so damn charming. It’s not a masterpiece or anything like that, but man is it a sweet, charming, fun little movie with a relatable plot and an awesome soundtrack. If anything about this movie sounds interesting to you, I’d say check this out. It’s worth a watch, and it definitely feels like the kind of movie I’d put on in the background while I’d work and occasionally glance up at for a smile.

Even understanding why people would dislike this in the 80s, come on, there HAD to have been worse movies that year than this. But this all does make sense. The Razzies have always been an institution that picks on the absolute easiest targets; Batman V Superman won quite a few, and while we could debate for days on whether it deserved “Worst Screenplay,” winning Worst Screen Combo for Affleck and Cavill is laughable when most people agree they at least did good jobs with what they were given, with Affleck being cited as a plus by most. Affleck and Cavill were also both nominated for worst actor, which they did not win,but the movie did win Worst Remake, Sequel, Rip-Off, or Prequel… in the same year that Fifty Shades of Black, Alice Through the Looking Glass, Zoolander 2, and Independence Day: Resurgence came out. Interestingly, Gal Gadot is not among the nominations… hmm, wonder why that is? It couldn’t be because she’s not an easy target like Affleck is, riggggggghhhhht?

Even looking back to the original Razzie awards in 1981, they nominated Friday the 13th for worst picture as well as the movie I just reviewed, and also named “Suspended in Time” from Xanadu as one of the worst songs of the year, though it didn’t win, likely because this is laughable. This was also the year Stanley Kubrick was nominated for The Shining under worst director. 1983’s awards were no better; Arnold Schwarzenegger was nominated for worst actor… for Conan the Barbarian. The Thing was nominated for WORST MUSICAL SCORE.  

Look, I would love to rant on how much the Razzies suck all day, but let me wrap up with their anniversary awards. Mommie Dearest was named the worst picture of the 80s… up against Howard the Duck, and in a decade Friday the 13th V and Super Monster both came out. In the 90s, Sylvester Stallone was named worst actor of the century… which is… one of the absolute stupidest things I’ve ever heard. And Showgirls won worst picture of the decade, despite the infinitely worse Psycho remake, crappy dino shitfest Carnosaur, and zero-budget lesbian killer movie Girlfriends were all released in the 90s, among many other turds. And finally, we have the worst picture of the 2000s, Battlefield Earth, a film it is baffling I have not reviewed, and a film that came out in the same decade as Chicken Little, Disaster Movie (and Seltzerbergs other works), The Master of Disguise, Eragon, Doogal, The Love Guru, Christmas with the Kranks, The Human Centipede, Crash, Teeth, Hounddog, The Golden Compass, Inkheart, Shark Tale, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Taintlight, and the Yu-Gi-Oh movie.

The Razzies fucking blow. Plain and simple. They’re basically a clickbait institution that chooses the most obvious choices, goes only after what’s big and will generate the most attention, and really makes it obvious that they don’t require the people on the nomination panel to actually watch the movies. Oh yeah. They don’t require the judges to watch the films.

But let’s bring it all back to Xanadu for one final tidbit: the guy who made the Razzies has admitted he occasionally pops in Xanadu to watch it. I think that says a lot about a lot of things. I’ll leave you all with that.