#I absolutely love hearing how people interpret my art in different ways

[toastybugguy]

It’s interesting to me how a lot of people immediately started thinking about this in terms of fandom discourse, because I really was just thinking about art in the contemporary era (drawings, paintings, movies, tv, music, poetry, dance etc etc).

Then I remembered that this post is about misinterpretations so actually that is HILARIOUS

Curious how most people feel about this.

[number1mingyustan]

Expiration Date (2/2) ☾✹

GIF by shatsusik

artist!joshua x model!fem!reader

Genre: smut, hurt, angst

Warnings: cursing, brief smut, explicit smut, mentions of pregnancy/miscarriage, arguments, a lot of angsty sad stuff

Summary: there’s only one way to go from here

Word Count: 4.1k

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part 1

Out of the 206 bones in your body, you don't have a doubtful one that believes Joshua Hong is not your soulmate. Everything in you believes you were meant to be together.

You'd bet money that it was written somewhere in the stars.

He loved you and you loved him.

When you first met, everything fell into place with him so easily. He was kind and caring and things were simple with him. He would never shy away from compliments, often painting you because he thought you were so beautiful.

His muse.

It wasn't until he started painting you that his career really began to take off. His previous work was less abstract and interpretive, often capturing different colors and shapes. He never painted people, but of course that all changed when you came around.

His work was known before you, but his popularity skyrocketed, gaining worldwide attention and giving him much more credit within the art world.

You became a large part of his art. He's often mix different shapes and colors with your features. Your eyes, your breasts, your legs, everything he found beautiful about you really.

It gained a lot of attention and people grew curious to know who the mystery woman that appeared in all his new art was. Much like Joshua himself, they too thought she was beautiful.

But that was then. When your relationships still made you feel like you were floating and the honeymoon phase felt like it would never end.

You and Joshua Hong were meant to be part of each other's lives, you don't question that. However, you do question how long you were meant to be together.

---------------Two Years Ago ---------------

"I'm just so glad you guys were able to come down here and visit," Mrs.Hong says for the fourth time since the two of you arrived in LA.

You smile at her excitement.

"I hardly hear from my son since he moved all the way up to New York," she continues, shooting her son a glare.

Joshua rolls his eyes playfully. "I call you every week. Don't be so dramatic."

"It's not the same," she frowns. "I like having you here with me."

"Yeah well I've been busy with my art and everything," he sighs, pulling you closer to his side. His hand is on yours, thumb drawing small circles on your knuckles.

You lean into his touch, breathing in his natural scent. He's so warm and comforting. "Yes... extremely busy," you pout. "He does so much nowadays I can't even keep up with it all. All kinds of projects and interviews, don't know how he does it."

He smiles at you. "I've got the best support backing me up," he pats your head lightly. "With you by my side, I can handle anything."

He opens his mouth to speak again, but he's interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

"Oh- one second. Angel is calling," He excuses himself from the table and exits to take his phone call.

Angelina Yoon, his manager. You absolutely despised her. She was a great manager, you give her credit for that. She's incredibly smart and good at her job, but on a personal level? Couldn't stand her.

You didn't like the way she talked to you or the way she talked to Joshua. She flirted often and acted rudely toward you. Of course any time you brought it up to Joshua, he brushed it off. He'd tell you 'you're being dramatic' or 'she's just doing her job.'

Fucking Angel.

Not a very fitting name for her.

"Soooo where's the ring?" His mother asks, grabbing your hand and inspecting your fingers.

"Ring?" you ask.

"He hasn't asked yet?" she raises an eyebrow.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Aishh this boy," she sighs. "Four years and he still hasn't popped the question."

You retreat, pulling your hand back slowly and pushing your hair behind your ear. "Oh yeah... I mean it's fine. He works so much you know? I think he's just waiting for a better time.... did he mention anything to you about it? L-Like is he planning something?"

"No, I'm afraid not. If he is planning for it, he hasn't told me about it yet at least. I just assumed after all this time he would have done it already. I'll have to talk some sense into that boy," she scoffs.

Your heart breaks a little, but you don't let it show. It's already been a few months since it was first brought up. It was in a similar manner, his mother had brought it up in conversation months prior and put ideas into your head. But that time, Joshua was sitting at the table and he didn't seem too keen on the way his mother had suggested it.

You asked him about it that night and he explained to you how it wasn't the right time with his career taking off. It hurt, but you were understanding. It was something you strayed away from even bringing up.

It stung though.

When Joshua's art first started to gain popularity, Angel suggested keeping your relationship and identity a secret. No one knew who you were, they just thought you were pretty and that Joshua captured your beauty perfectly.

It would create more buzz for him to be capturing some sort of mystery woman. Angel talked about how much it would help his career to keep you in the shadows and him in the light. So you did it.

For nearly the first three years of your relationship, you were a secret. A mystery, a pretty face on a canvas with no name, a nobody. It wasn't easy, having to sneak around and keep your entire life private.

Part of you thinks you lost yourself in those first three years, but that's an entirely different issue.

Thankfully, after you did finally go public with things, the modeling agencies came flooding in and you were in high demand.

"Don't worry about it... I don't want to put any more pressure on him," you give her a half-smile.

She feels for you. "You're too nice sweetheart."

Before anything else can be said, Joshua walks back into the kitchen with an excited smile. You and his mother both look at him as he sits back down.

"So.. Angel just told me there's a huge art exhibit coming up in Sydney, Australia and their main exhibit just fell through so they want me to replace them," he beams.

"That's so great Joshie!" you smile and hug him. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks honey, they want me to do all new pieces though, and they need me in Australia in two days. The exhibit is in three weeks," he explains.

"But we're supposed to stay down here for another week... and then we have our trip planned for Aruba. Josh... the whole point of this trip was so that we could spend our time together and with family. I cleared my schedule for this Joshua." you sigh. "Besides how are you gonna put together a whole exhibit's worth of pieces in two weeks."

"I know baby... but this is important work stuff. You understand, right? We can always plan another trip, but this is a big opportunity for me. My work would be extending all the way into Australia," he places his hand on your shoulder. "Besides I'll probably just use those sketches I've been working on"

"I mean yeah... it's really great Josh, for you. What about me? I cleared my entire schedule for this," you frown.

"I know baby, I'm sorry. I'm sure we can just book two tickets and you can come with me if you want," he suggests.

"I think I'd rather we just go home. You'll be working a whole bunch in Australia anyway," you bite the inside of your cheek.

"There's no time to go back to New York honey. They want me out there in two days. If you want me to book you a flight home, I can do that if you really wanna go back, but I can't go with you. I'm gonna have to leave straight from here. I was hoping you'd come with me."

You frown. "I don't really want to fly alone."

"I mean, you can stay here with mom, until I get back of course. I won't object to it, but I've got to book my flight in the next few hours. So just let me know ASAP," he leaves a quick kiss on your head and stands back up.

"Sorry ma, I'll come visit soon," he hugs his mother and kisses her cheek. "I promise... love you"

His footsteps grown faint as he makes his way upstairs for the night. Your heart breaks a little more. His mother glances at you, she really feels for you.

"I'm getting tired... think I'll go join him," you tell her with a sad smile. "Thank you so much for dinner, I appreciate it."

You give her a light hug before disappearing into the bedroom with Joshua.

_____

He got you pregnant that night. He was much more excited than you were, he couldn't keep his hands off of you. Pulled you onto his lap not long after you walked into the room.

He was quick to strip you and pin you down onto the bed. You were still upset, but the pleasure was a temporary fix for the pain.

Sweaty and passionate lovemaking between the thin sheets of the old bed. His hands were all over you that night. You let the pleasure consume you, allowed it to pull you away from reality.

He told you how much he loved you as he drilled his cock inside of you, even had to cover your mouth with his hand to keep you from being too loud. He whispered dirty words and sweet nothings into your ear and left purple hickies along your skin. He pounded into you over and over again that night, switching positions halfway through.

The bed was old, creaked and shifted every time he thrusted his hips into you. You came twice, once on his fingers and once on his cock.

And when he came, he came inside of you. It wasn't unusual for him to do so, but for some reason your birth control wasn't very effective that time.

You wouldn't know it that night, but you realize that was the best and worse night of your life.

Because as quickly as it came, it went.

You stayed with his mom in LA for the next month while he was in Australia. He didn't call you every day the way he said he would, but that wasn't the least bit shocking. He ended up having to stay another week after the showcase to meet with different people about his work.

While he was sitting in meetings and being interviewed, you were pacing around the bathroom anxiously awaiting the results of the pregnancy test sitting on the edge of the sink.

You didn't tell him until you went back home to New York. You ended up flying alone anyway, Joshua thought it was pointless to fly to LA and then New York when both of you could just go to New York and see each other at home.

He was beyond excited when you did tell him and foolishly got your hopes up about what the baby would mean for the two of you. You'd convinced yourself that having the baby would make Joshua more involved. You thought his excitement would translate into him being more present.

But then you lost the baby two months later and it caused you two to drift more. The doctors told you it was a miracle you were even able to conceive in the first place. They said you were basically infertile and if you were ever able to somehow conceive again, the fetus wouldn't even make it through the first trimester. You fell into a depressive episode, making reckless decisions driven by hurt and pain.

You had to quit modeling and be admitted. The next 9 weeks you got treated and you got better. Although things got better, you'd never say they reached the level of good.

Better is simply and improvement, not necessarily success.

Joshua never saw it that way. He didn't see the way you were still hurting and suffering. He thought you getting treatment and getting better meant that everything was okay. He thought that because you saw a therapist twice a week, that you would just be okay. Because you took two small pills every morning, he thought you were no longer suffering.

It's your own fault partially, you played the role. You hid your hurt well, contributed to his thoughts about you being fine. At first, it seemed like he cared a lot more. But with him constantly asking "Are you Okay?" it was easier for you to just say yes. It was easier for him to believe it too. He threw himself back into his art and didn't put in the extra effort to ensure the well-being of your mental health after that.

It took two years and a very heated argument for him to really see it.

---------------Modern Day ---------------

The bed is empty when you wake up in the morning. It's not a foreign feeling, unfortunately. But with everything that occurred last night, it feels worse than usual.

You're not sure where your relationship stands right now. There's a tightness constricting in your chest and you're dreading the idea of getting out of bed.

After nearly ten minutes of you rolling around in the bed and avoiding it, you finally got yourself out of the bed. You wince when your foot first meet the bedroom floor. A reminder of everything that occurred last night.

After you go into the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face, you walk cautiously and quietly through the penthouse. The temperature dropped again and the marble floors are cold on your bare feet.

When you reach the living room, you don't see Joshua anywhere. His blanket and pillow are still on the couch, but you don't see him anywhere.

You let out a breath of relief. You're really not ready to speak with him yet.

You walk into the kitchen, seeing that the glass is still shattered on the ground. You reach down, picking up some of the larger shards.

"Don't worry about it, I'll clean it up," Joshua says from behind you.

You jump at the sound of his voice. You weren't expecting him to come up behind you and startle you. However, you remain silent.

"You need to take your meds, it's past 11. You were asleep for a while," he says and begins picking up the other large shards of glass.

You stand to your feet and nod. You don't look at him, you can't. You simply walk around the island and open on of the cabinets to grab your medicine.

"You have been taking your meds everyday, right?" he asks.

It feels even colder in the kitchen suddenly. The tension in the air hasn't subsided. If anything, it's grown thicker.

"Yes Josh," you say.

Even after all those nights of sleeping alone, Joshua greeted you with a good morning and a kiss. At the very least you could expect some sort of greeting.

But now? Nothing.

"Don't forget to eat something," he reminds you quietly.

You nod. "Right."

You pop a slice of bread into the toaster and wait. It only takes two minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Joshua grabs the dustpan and broom to sweet up the glass.

It's uncomfortable quiet. Your stomach is turning in knots and your leg is bouncing anxiously.

"Where did you just come from? I didn't know where you were," you finally break the unbearable silence.

"On the balcony, needed some fresh air," he says, continuing to sweep up the remaining glass.

"It's thirty degrees outside."

He shrugs, disposing of the glass properly. "Just needed some fresh air. It's not much warmer in here anyway, damn thermostat is broken."

He avoids eye contact with you, stepping away from the kitchen quietly. Your heart rate spikes.

"Joshua..." you start. "We have to talk about-"

You're cut off when your toast pops up.

"Your breakfast is ready," he says shortly and fully leaves the kitchen.

Your eyes follow him. He walks back into the living room, grabbing the blanket he slept under and folding it back up. His footsteps fade as he disappears into the penthouse toward your bedroom.

You sigh and take a few bites out of your toast. You don't have much of an appetite with the way your stomach is churning. You chase the two small pills with a sip of water before walking toward your bedroom.

When you step into the room, Joshua is already in there making up your bed. He's cleaning to distract himself, to avoid you.

" 'Shua," You say quietly, leaning against the door frame.

"Wait," he continues folding the blankets on your bed. "I'm doing something right now."

" 'Shua," you say a little louder.

"Did you wash your dishes? I know you used a glass for the water," he asks.

"Joshua." You say firmly.

He sighs, giving up and sitting down on the bed. He runs his hands from his face up to his hair. You sit down on the bed next to him. In reality it's only a few moments, but it feels like an eternity of silence.

"I'm sorry," he starts.

"Don't apologize... we both said some hurtful, but truthful things last night," you bite the inside of your cheek.

A beat.

"You were right... I did give up on us a long time ago. But it wasn't unprompted, and I want you to understand that. I gave up before you could."

"What?" he asks, turning his head to look at you.

"You work so much... and so hard. I had no idea artists did so much until I met you, but your work has always been your priority. I love that you're passionate about your art, but you'll always put your work before me."

"That's not true," he defends.

"It is."

A beat.

You and Joshua Hong were meant to be, not meant to last. You shared your best and worst moments with him. You spent nearly 6 years creating unforgettable memories and sharing experiences you hold dear to your heart.

Your love was like a candle, it was once lit and burned with fiery passion. But it eventually burned out and faded into nothing but melted wax.

Fire may be pretty to look at, but touch it and you get burned.

"But I love you,"

"You don't.... not anymore"

"Don't try to tell me how I feel."

"Josh-"

"I don't know what it is you're trying to get at or do here, but it's fucked up. If this is you're way of trying to make excuses for falling out of love with me or something, then that’s just wrong Y/n.”

"Joshua! This relationship is not the way it was five years ago and you know it. You couldn't even thank me in your speech last night."

"You told me you were over that. I told you tha-"

"Stop cutting me off and let me speak!" you shout. "You forgot to thank me in your speech while I was standing in front of you with a painting of me displayed in my background. I have become an afterthought in your life and not a priority anymore. You managed to forget about me while looking directly at me... and a painting you did of me. If you loved me, if you really loved me, I would have been the first person you thanked. I wouldn't have slipped your mind Joshua. It may have been a mistake, but it told me everything I needed to know."

He frowns.

"You think you still love me because you love the idea of me. You-you love the way I look on a canvas and in exhibits. You love that even after 5 years of painting me, it still makes you money. But those fucking paintings don't have feelings he way I do," your eyes start to water. "You love the way Angel validates your artwork of me and is constantly working to get your work out there. You would never forget to thank Angel, because she's not just an idea or an afterthought to you. She gets you what you want and I just... don't."

"Oh my gosh how many times do I need to prove to you that I'm not fucking Angel?" he groans and stands up.

"Are you seriously still not listening to me? Not once did I accuse you of fucking her, and that's all you took away?! Fuck's sake Joshua!" You exclaim and stand to your feet. "I'm done."

"What do you mean 'you're done?'"

"It means... I can't do this anymore."

"So what... that's it? You wanna break up because of an argument?"

"IT IS NOT JUST AN ARGUMENT!" You scream. "I don't know how many ways there are for me to say it. I am exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. Last night... you said you weren't the only one who lost the baby. But when was the last time I modeled Joshua? I didn't get that chance to just jump back into my work after the loss. I'm sure it affected you, it was a horrible thing to go through, but I didn't just throw myself back into my work and move on. I am still struggling every day and you don't love me anymore. I have no reason to stay here with you."

The truth is... Joshua knows exactly what you're saying. For the first time, he's really really listening to you. He knows what you're saying is true, but he's having a hard time accepting it.

Joshua has never been good with criticism, being an artist and all.

The room is silent aside from you sniffling as you wipe away your tears. Joshua feels the knots twisting in his stomach and it's making him feel uneasy.

“I’m sorry… I know I should just accept it but I can’t. I’m hearing you, I really am. I just don’t want to let go… I won’t just throw away the last five years between us.”

“We can’t keep doing this Josh… holding onto nothing. There’s nothing that could really fix us at this point.”

“We could do therapy..” he suggests.

“Pay $200 a week just to have someone tell us what we already know? C’mon Josh, you know you don’t have the time for that.”

“I’d make the time.”

“You haven’t for the last few years… let’s not kid ourselves”

“So… you just wanna give up? You don’t want to try anymore?”

“I have been trying Josh. But it’s exhausting and there’s no point if there’s nothing worth holding onto anymore.”

“So… you don’t love me anymore either?”

“What?”

“You don’t love me anymore, do you? It’s not just me, right?”

“Yeah Josh, it’s mutual.”

His heart aches when you say it. The words leave a bitter aftertaste on your tongue.

"Okay," he says finally.

"Okay what?" You sniffle.

“Okay then… we’re done. There’s no point in staying together anymore.”

He runs the palms of his hands from his face to his hair and inhales.

“I hate that is had to come to this,” you say quietly.

“Yeah… me too” his voice breaks. “I can be out of here by tonight… you can keep the penthouse.”

“I couldn’t afford to live here on my own anyway, I’ll probably just uh- go back with my parents” You sniffle.

“You don’t-“

“It’s better that way, really.”

Silence fills the room. There’s so much to process. You really just ended things with the love of your life, your soulmate, your Joshie.

He sits on the floor with his back against the bed. He tilts his head back and sighs. You join him, sitting in an identical position next to him.

It doesn’t even feel real yet.

You’ve spent the last 5 years by his side with your mind filled with thoughts of how your story would unfold.

The aching in your heart hasn’t stopped, but you know this is for the best. It was long overdue, past the expiration date.

Much like a carton of milk, you can only drink it until it expires. Once it expires, it's no longer good and there's no way of restoring it to the way it used to be.

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© number1mingyustan - Do not repost without permission.

[gingermintpepper]

hi I love your tags so so much! they were so sweet and so interesting and creative and the whole Aphrodite type of beauty thing sounds really interesting do you have any articles and recommendations to read further into it??

-hogoflight

Hello my fine feathered (I am assuming possession of feathers if you are, indeed, capable of flight) @hogoflight! I'm always always happy to hear that people appreciate my frenzied rambling in the tags :D! I have a lot of articles and recommendations :D!! Ancient Greek notions of beauty and representations of it in their art and sculptures is a pretty well studied topic! There isn't any way for us now to know definitively what the beauty standard was (it varied widely from region to region and culture to culture after all) but here are a couple of my favourite reads about Aphrodite and what her representations tell us about idealised beauty!

Probably the most empirically extensive one I can list is Krönström's thesis which compares statues of Aphrodite and literary text referring to both the goddess and mortal women to determine physical ideals for women in five specific eras of Grecian antiquity. Including measurements of the statues there are many descriptions of Aphrodite as 'curvy' with a 'voluptuous figure' and with 'ample buttocks and bosom'.

"When the beauty traits are described in the texts, they are never extreme or anything that could not be found in normal people just that they are more beautiful in every aspect. Furthermore, the sculptures’ physical forms look healthy, they are tall and have distinct curves. Great examples of this are the Knida sculpture and de Milo (the Melian) sculpture."

Of course, these images are still idealised, and there was still a concept such as 'too fat' or 'too skinny' found in written records (and this thesis even includes analysis of pornographic writings and descriptions of the fashion and stylings of pubic hair of women from different regions!!) but from an interpretational standpoint? There is absolutely no reason why these can't refer to a fuller figure. Height was also a very important factor after all and over the course of many eras, it seems like being well proportioned in addition to the length and appearance of one's hair were the most important factors (and, like Apollo, greater beauty was given to those with curlier hair)

Mireille M. Lee's 'Other Ways of Seeing' essay which talks about the forgotten female viewers of Knidian Aphrodite which is also extremely illuminating on how Aphroditic sexuality and sensuality was perceived totally differently from the well documented male voyeuristic gaze (which was overly preoccupied with the statue's nakedness and therefore over-sensationalised the statue's physical appearance) vs women's perspective on the statue which is more centered on the beauty of simplicity in Aphrodite's garment and decoration and in her power and ability to captivate both in her finery and without it. I think it's especially useful in exploring the importance of finery, jewellry and adornment in representations of Aphroditic beauty.

"Some of the small-scale copies are heavily jeweled, especially those from the eastern Mediterranean, for example the Hellenistic gilded terracotta statuette in the Çanakkale Museum (Fig. 5) in which the goddess wears, in addition to the armband on her (right) arm, the following: a necklace with multiple pendants; cross-bands extending over both shoulders and hips, with a cascading pendant in the center; a coiled snake armband on the left arm and another snake on her left thigh, and a twisted anklet on her right leg. (The left leg has been restored, and might also have featured an anklet.)"

"Jewelry is especially associated with Aphrodite in Greek literature. As seen above, in the Homeric Hymn to Aphrodite, the goddess adorns herself with gold jewelry, dress-pins, and earrings in the shape of flowers (162–3)..."

Finally, and to me, the most important one in the argument for an interpretation of Hyacinthus as fat, beautiful and fundamentally Aphroditic comes from Brilmayer's brilliant brilliant thesis done on Aphrodite's work and influence in Archaic Greek Poetry which does away with all of that masculine preoccupation with physical proportion, measurement and bodily ideals for a focus on a Sapphic Aphroditic ideal centered in clothing, ornamentation and, most importantly cunning as symbols of Aphrodite and ultimately a feminine idealised form of beauty. This paper also discusses Pandora and Helen in these terms and it is just kind of a wonderful read tbh.

"Combining Homeric and Hesiodic elements with her own ideas, she [Sappho] alters the way female beauty is viewed. For example, the Homeric war chariot – a symbol of male, military prowess - comes to symbolise the totality of Aphrodite’s power uniting in itself male and female qualities. Having addressed the concept of beauty directly, Sappho then concludes that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. With the help of Helen of Troy and her beloved Anaktoria, Sappho sets out to reinvent the concept of female beauty as a godlike, subjective quality that may be expressed in many ways, yet remains inspired by Aphrodite."

The conclusion to all of this of course is that Aphroditic ideal beauty is much more fluid compared to its stricter Apolline masculine standard. The nuances and understandings of both are of course, constantly being studied, analysed and scrutinised but really, if Dionysus who was both bearded and clean shorn, effeminate, birthed and rebirthed (and twice gestated!) and strongly associated with vegetation can be popularly portrayed as fat and handsome, why can't Hyacinthus?!

[gffa]

These two pages from Dark Victory have stayed with me ever since I first read it because they're visually hella interesting, I enjoy Tim Sale's art for how stylish it is, but also because every time I see it, I hear the click of a spotlight being turned on, almost like this is a play being acted out. It highlights the connection between the characters, but that it also is shutting everything else out. That makes sense in the moment, Dick just watched his parents die, there's nothing else in the world for him. Bruce is reliving his own trauma of having watched his parents die, as well as watching another child go through the same thing--but, in a way I can't shake, it almost feels like Bruce is intruding on this moment, too. That Dick's loss gets interpreted as a mirror of Bruce's loss--Dark Victory goes to great lengths to hammer home that parallel, it is not at all subtle about it:

But what strikes me about the moment of the Graysons' deaths is that it feels almost like a play being acted out, that Bruce becomes part of it because they mirror each other so strongly, that for all they grow as individuals and come to love each other as uniquely different people, they will always be rooted in this mirroring of each other. Bruce isn't just a bystander to Dick's loss and grief, it fundamentally connects them and defines them--that in many ways Dick understands Bruce the best because, as Dick says about himself, when he was Robin, he was smaller than everyone else, so he had to learn to read people better, to know what they were going to do, because Dick was with Bruce the longest, because Dick and Bruce often are the most similar. But it's also that Dick understands Bruce best because Bruce allowed him in because of this mirror, that sometimes it feels like Bruce only understands people through the lens of his own grief, that's why Dick's the closest to him, because Dick shares that same loss. This isn't to undercut that Dick was a bright, lively child who brought laughter and joy because that is also absolutely true and I will fight tooth and nail anyone who says otherwise. Bruce loves that kid because Dick refused to not be loved, because he's not the same as Bruce, he's brighter, he's better, he's more in so many ways. Bruce and Dick's relationship isn't just one thing or another, there are times when it borders on almost being kind of healthy and then there are times when it's toxic as hell, yet it's always underscored by how much they genuinely love each other, how Bruce keeps thoughts of Dick in his mind to turn to for solace just like he turns to thoughts of his own father, how Dick demands to be worth just as much to Bruce's parents even when they've traveled into the future to be directly in front of him, and Dick gets that worth from Bruce. But sometimes I think about that panel, I hear a spotlight clicking on in my head, I think about Bruce unintentionally inserting himself into this moment of Dick's loss and how Bruce sometimes holds him closer to his heart because Dick's hurt mirrors his own so much. How sometimes Bruce sees the world through that lens of trauma and only how much people can understand it, that the rest of the world drops away and is nothing but black, empty space, except him and the person who understands his hurt.

That I can look at that panel and see it as its meant to be--a moment of pure connection, "I understand what you're going through, I can't take it away, but I can be here with you." and how that saved Dick Grayson's life, how it allowed him to heal and grow and thrive. I can see Bruce's heart breaking because he would have done anything to save this kid from that pain. And sometimes I can look at it and see Bruce watching a horrific play unfold before him and relating to it through his own issues, rather than true empathy. Ultimately, it's really more that they're kindred spirits, that's what the follow-up pages show, that Dick goes through the same process that Bruce went through, he does the same things Bruce did, all while Bruce isn't there to influence him into that at all. Dick is his own person, Bruce couldn't make him be a copy of Bruce if he'd wanted to, he couldn't even win an argument with a nine-year-old about putting on a costume and fighting crime with him and absolutely not staying out of the line of fire. Dick Grayson did what he was going to do, Bruce had nothing to do with making him into that person. But part of the reason they're such an interesting dynamic is because they're not just purely one thing or another, that for all that at the end of the day, Dick and Bruce are naturally like each other in a lot of core ways, it's also possible to read them as unhealthy co-dependent on each other, that them being everything to each other comes with some sharper edges, especially when Bruce sometimes resents Dick for growing beyond him and leaving him, even while desperately proud of him at the same time.

It's a thing Bruce struggles with a lot when it comes to Dick and I think of this tangled web of emotions every time I see that second splash page above. That Bruce came to love this kid as a son, but also as someone who understood what it was like to live with that kind of devastating loss, and how hard Bruce connected with that--and then how hard it was to let him go, when Bruce can't let go of his parents. That it's hard for Bruce to see Dick grow beyond being the son who understood him best, who mirrored his tragedy best, and he'll do it, he loves his kid enough to keep climbing back up out of that desire to hold onto him as his reflection even if he falls back into it sometimes, that some part of him will always see Dick as the one who had that connection that blocked the rest of the world out and understood him in a way no one else could.

[nightowl374art]

Hey,

-So I'm very excited to write this 'cause I've been meaning to do it for a while now. So yah here I go...

-I just love your art so so much! Like fr bro you give me so much joy with your fanarts. I haven't felt this attached to an artist and certain art style in a while but you bring it all back with what you're doing and I'm so extremely grateful. So y'know... Thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart.

-I love every piece you've made so far but I gotta say ... That one with the remake of the amazing Spider-Man 2 graduation was just out of this world. Andrew's spiderman is my favorite of the live action trio and I love that one part so much! But I gotta say... Take this as an idea lol... So there's one more part of that movie I deeply love. It's the part where Peter makes the "I love you" on a bridge and then takes Gwen and they make it up to each other... Can't help but see miles and Gwen do that as well. Like in the end of beyond like them getting together or like maybe Miles proposing like that IDK! Take my idea 💡!

-Ok so that's my fav fanart but I'm absolutely in love with their beautiful family! Their kids look so beautiful and them being together is something I treasure a lot! I love how you made the kids different then the comics and also the way you made Miles and Gwen! They look so good! I love Gwen's side braids and Miles haircut it's like... I don't see him doing it BUT I freaking love the spider detail in the side! I even told my friend that if I had my hair like Gwen someday I would add that detail! It looks so good! So perfect like chef's kiss! Also the first art I saw of their kids was that one with Peter B calling Miles and Gwen for having kids and them all just being like:

Max and Charlotte: who the hell is this dude?

Miles and Gwen: What the actual f-

Miles (dad): Idk who the hell you are but please don't touch my kids...

-I also love miles 42 and Gwen 42 art... It looks so cute and she looks hot as hell btw. I also find it very funny when they are having a double date with miles 1610 and Gwen 65. They look adorable ... So different but very refreshing I really like it!

-Look like I mentioned I'm beyond have and grateful that you're making art like this... It's not just the art or the art style but the impact it made me! You're very talented and special! I can't wait for more beautiful art from you. I hope you're getting all the support you deserve and that you're doing well! Never stop smiling and have a nice day/night!

-Hope you get to read this soon and sorry for being so long! But this is just a fraction of what I was meaning to tell you so yah....

-Thank you for everything and for your time! Bye❤️🌻🫂🕸️

I am always amazed when people say these kind of things to me. It means everything to me to know I can bring even just a little bit of joy to someone through my passion, so I would like to say thank you to you 💕.

Agreed. Andrew is my favorite version of Peter, the vibe of his movies really speak to me. I love the scene you’ve mentioned, but it breaks my heart because of Gwen’s fate. However I would love to do that for Miles and Gwen. Right now I’ve got a lot of pieces in progress, so don’t expect it right away, but if I find a chance to do it I will ✨

I really enjoyed drawing their kiddos and had every intention of drawing them differently from the comics. I wanted to do my own interpretation of their kids since the spiderverse style if different from the comics. I actually based Gwen’s braids on some of her concept art, I loved that look (it’s viking-ish which I dig) so I wanted to do something with it.

Though Miles and Gwen 42 are not exactly canon, I still love the idea of them and so I’m glad you have enjoyed what I have made.

Just so you know, I’m very moved by what you said and all your heartfelt thoughts about my art. It’s lovely to hear what you think and how it has given you joy. It’s all I could’ve asked for as an artist so I hope you know how grateful I am 🩷

[just-a-carrot]

Aaaaa sorry for the spam but i just really wanted to ask these two things sry(the first one I already sent in as a separate ask)

How accurate would you say my take on Orlam’s motivations in that scene where he wants Iggy, Genzou and Gidget to tell him why they hate him is?

He just wants to hear confirmation. That they do hate him. That there’s a reason for why they’ve All repetitively hurt him. That it had some sort of purpose. To confirm that it couldn’t have possibly just been for stupid laughs right?

Also probably partakes in the art of self-villanising as a coping mechanism and hearing them say they hate him would absolve his guilty conscience of maybe, just maybe, hurting the only people who still have a slither of care for him

this feels pretty spot on i have to say!! there are probably a few different ways to really dive into that whole final part in the castle with a number of different readings or interpretations. that feels pretty accurate to what i was at least mostly aiming for in my head i think (as i mentioned in the last ask, i don't always have an absolutely specific goal or theme in mind for some of these scenes, i kinda just organically lead the story in the direction i feel like it should head... so i couldn't tell you for 100% my mindset while i was writing that part, especially as it was like over a year ago now, but that feels pretty on point to how i still feel about that scene now laksdjfa)

i love getting analysis and interpretations like this sob. it makes me myself revisit my own scenes, themes, chars, etc. i always love seeing new takes or reads i may not have noticed before...

[ofmermaidstories]

I completely agree and think it's unfair that the fandom continues to demand perfection from Hori; especially when 'perfection' can be a loosely coined term depending on what it is each of these whingers want to see before the series ends. I think that with all works of art, meaning (and in this instance, interractions between characters) are interpretted based on the individuals shaped life experiences. I read a post somewhere that perhaps the lack of filler episodes contributes to all this complaining, because we don't get to see the little side stories between such and such characters, or a more indepth delve into certain side characters backstories. But tbh you're damned if you do, you're damned if you dont. I remember how much shit Kishimoto copped for all the fillers, despite how much (arguable) richness and depth it provided for the relationships between characters. Even if it was just an extra silly little story.

Theres no real point to this message, just wanted to chime in with my 2c.

Hope you're having a great weekend 🫶

you’re so right though, because what would make MHA a “perfect” story? i whinge all the time about like, there being no real consequences, or Hori sliding past the emotional beats he sets up—but if there were serious, hurtful consequences (beyond the villains dying), and Hori did hit those beats, MHA on the whole would be a completely different story LMAO. Like—it’s just so fascinating! We don’t get like, ���filler” chapters really, where we get to see more of the kids’ relationships with each other—but Hori then like, shoves them into other moments? like random panels. he mixes the kids up, shows them strewn about the dorms and the school in a variety of different groups. Kiri, Bakugou and Iida visiting Shouto in his room, for example, before Big Fight #102. Bakusquad and Dekusquad are fun fandom things, but Hori’s always like… taken great pains to show that Class-A is a clump, that intermingle among themselves. The fandom loves to bear down on Mineta—“mineta minrou is expelled from UA high school” and “shinsou hitoshi replaces mineta minrou” are the two first tags that auto suggest, for mineta, on ao3—but he’s very much apart of the crew!!! Like, I would argue that he seems to consider himself great mates with like, Deku lmao, at least!! I think if anything, Hori has been hamstringed by the weekly nature of the updates. He has so much to shove in, and a lot of stuff gets left out. And while the kids relationships to each other is like, one of the core tenants of MHA, I personally don’t believe Hori is the kind of writer that wants to give them a beach episode, lmao. 🥹 and i agree, i think that throws a lot of fans off!! people seem to really want like, MHA slice-of-life stuff but…. idk, it’s never been a story about that. 💀 it really is a case of damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don’t, tho. 💀💀 part of me is like, oh, this ending feels a little rushed… 🥺 but then the other part of me is like boy, pump out that last panel and run. 💀 LMAOOOO. idk idk idk. i really liked 429—this second-last chapter—because i thought it was sweet. 🥺 i have absolutely no guesses for the final chapter—for the end of this story. and tbh i kinda like it that way? it could be good, it could be bad. i personally hope that it leaves me feeling like it’s a “perfect” ending for right now—for wherever we leave Deku and the MHA world. That it gives them both—character and universe—space to breathe, and grow beyond the final panels. Like… leaving a friend’s house after a rowdy lunch, maybe? You’ve got other things to do, some errands, maybe someone else to meet, and your friends have shoo’d you away from the dishes but when you leave you can hear them laughing behind the door, with someone else who’s taken the tea towel to dry ‘em.

[charbon-et-eau]

Hoenn boys brainrot is still going strong. I should have some new art to share next week. In the meantime, I was rambling about some headcanons on aethy and figured I'd share them here too.

If you're interested in my top/bottom and sexuality headcanons for Steven/Wallace/Brendan, they're below the cut. <3

When the Hoenn boys brainrot started, I quickly decided that Steven was 100% a top, whether he's with Brendan or Wallace. Seemed like the obvious conclusion to me. So it was very surprising when I started looking at fanart on pixiv and bottom Steven seemed to be much more common with all of his ships except Brendan.

I was wondering why this is. I've noticed that a lot of people like to make Steven their silly autistic babygirl and I guess that makes him a bottom by default? Idk. I think he's silly and autistic too, but I don't think that automatically translates to bottom. But another thing I've noticed is that many people make their fav character in a ship the bottom. One of the daimiku shippers on pixiv clearly adores Wallace and draws him a bit more than Steven, and they LOVE drawing Wallace getting absolutely destroyed. On the other hand, bottom Steven fans tend to focus on Steven more. I guess people prefer to see their favs getting wrecked instead of the other way around. Makes sense.

And I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons why a lot of people prefer bottom Steven. Everyone interprets and plays with characters differently. These are just some of the more common trends I've noticed.

As for my headcanons, Steven is a rich CEO's son who was most likely taught how to be in charge and probably didn't hear the word "no" very often, so being in control comes naturally to him. He canonically likes to play with people and see their reactions, and he can also be a bit arrogant (thinks he's "the best there is" and has a habit of taking on important tasks himself instead of asking for help). When he finds someone or something he likes, he can be VERY intense about it. All of these things translate well to being a top imo.

As for Wallace, he's a switch, but he prefers being a loud, dramatic, slutty bottom. This man is an overachiever - being hot, doing contests, being a gym leader and helping Steven keep his privilege in check. In the bedroom, he just wants to turn his brain off and let someone else be in control. However, he'll happily top Brendan when he's in the mood and Steven's busy.

Brendan is a bottom for now simply because he lacks experience. Wallace will teach him how to top eventually though. And then Brendan can be a switch.

Now for the sexuality headcanons.

Steven is one of the few male characters that I hc as 100% gay (I make most characters bi disasters like me). He has zero interest in women.

Before his dad realized that he was gay, he would set Steven up with random women that he met through work, telling Steven to take them home and show them his rock collection, *wink wink*. So Steven would invite them over, show them his rock collection, and then say good night and politely ask them to leave once it got late. Wallace almost died laughing when Steven told him about this. Everything eventually made sense when Steven invited Wallace over for the same reason, but they didn't actually look at the rocks until the next morning... after a very passionate night of sex.

Wallace is bi with a heavy preference for men, like 90% men, 10% women. He has a deep appreciation for the beauty and elegance of women, thinks they're all queens, and would happily have sex with one. But after a wild night at the club, he's probably taking a guy home.

Brendan is also bi with a slight preference for men, like 60-40. Due to his daddy issues and mommy kink, he tends to be more attracted to people who are older than him. He's slightly more aware of his attraction to men, especially after meeting Steven, until he starts spending time with Glacia. Brendan is a hot mess around Wallace since he is the most intoxicatingly gorgeous combination of masculine and feminine energy. It doesn't help that Wallace will mercilessly flirt with Brendan any chance he gets.

[bluegekk0]

Bit of a ramble about something that's been on a mind for a while, about HK and the AU. Not really a vent, but just wanted to talk about it. It's pretty long so I'll hide it.

My relationship with HK these days is a bit complicated, to be honest. I absolutely adore the game, I get this warm feeling every time I hear the soundtrack and I still get the itch to replay it from time to time. It's a work for art and I'm so, so grateful I played it, even if I was quite late to the party all things considered.

But I can't deny that I fell into the rabbithole of having too many headcanons where I can't engage with other people to the extent I perhaps used to. I don't like many of the popular characters nearly as much as the fandom does, and those that are close to my heart I interpret in a way that speaks to me, but one that feels very distant to how other people view them.

It has some downsides. I avoid looking up HK fanart and I'm slowly starting to dislike getting posts about it recommended to me in the For You tab a little bit. Not because the art is bad, far from it, there are incredible artists and other members of this community that deserve all the love in the world. It's just that it keeps reminding me that my interpretations are so personal, and headcanons that go against them almost feel like mischaracterization, as ridiculous as it sounds. Some interpretations end up upsetting me more than I'd like, too. Some of it is misinterpretations that annoy me, but some are just things I personally don't agree with.

But part of me makes me think that it's my fault somehow. I can't quite explain it, I think this is somehow rooted in my self-esteem issues. I often fear that I don't belong, that I'm doing something wrong by not following the general fanon, that my AU feels like an insult against the canon because of how derived and self-indulgent it is. I didn't have that problem before, not to this extent, but as my mental health got worse over the months, it makes sense that something like this would also start to make itself known. Or at least it makes sense to me.

So deep down I'm torn. On one hand, I get weirdly protective over my interpretations and it's gone to the point where I struggle to separate them from the versions other people talk about. On the other, I'm starting to feel guilty that my AU versions are so different that they might upset some people.

I had some moments where I considered turning them into OCs. But every time I I think about that, I reach the conclusion that no, I don't want to do that. I love them the way they are, despite their designs evolving with time, I wouldn't want to change anything about them, let alone turn them into different characters. And it's not like I'm really changing the character from the canon. Some details are different, but it's also easy to forget that we don't really know much about a lot of these characters, so in many ways I'm just filling the blanks and writing the story around it. Not to mention, adapting canon in ways that I find personally engaging is one of my favorite things about the worldbuilding and lore of the AU. And then there's all the engagement from people who like the AU and want to learn more that is genuinely the main reason why it's as expansive as it is. I don't think I would've stuck around making art for it for this long if I was doing it for myself only.

But it's not just art, knowing that people care, and getting all the interesting ideas I haven't considered inspires me to expand the world of the AU even further, I think about it in my spare time, of all the ways I could develop the world, I still get random ideas for it that I eventually want to include, I read about something in the game's lore and I immediately think of the way I could adapt it into my AU. It became a personal project that I find comfort in, and changing it would just feel wrong. And I know how my brain works (well, at least I think I do), I know I wouldn't remain as invested if I were by myself, I need to share it with other people. And I doubt they would be as interested if it wasn't for the connection to HK. I think that's natural and to be expected.

So all that leaves me in a bit of an awkward spot. I love HK, but over the last year I built a wall around me and the sandbox of my personal interpretations, that creates this disconnect between me and the rest of the fandom. I don't think that fact alone makes me upset, either. There's a reason why I'm still sitting there and playing in that sandbox to this day, and it's because I genuinely love doing it. I guess the disconnect just feeds into my already existing confidence issues and worries. Then again, I haven't really left the fandom, and I'm not planning to anytime soon. All I'm hoping for is that my low-confidence plagued brain improves, and stops telling me I'm doing something wrong by playing in the sandbox by myself.

Okay, not by myself, that would be selfish of me to say. There's still a lot of you here, people whom my silly AU clicked with, people who want to see more of it and are still there for the 6th slice of life drawing of the week. I love and appreciate you all, and I'm really grateful I can share the sandbox with you. You're the best, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm so, so happy that you found something in my art that resonated with you.

I don't know how to end this post tbh. Again, it's not really meant to be a vent post, not the usual kind at least. Even if some things about this frustrate or upset me a little bit, I think I'm slowly moving towards the acceptance stage. I don't want to change my interpretations so they're more in line with the rest of the fandom, and I don't want to force myself to engage with things that upset me just to feel like I belong. All I'm hoping is that I eventually stop having doubts; about this, and everything in general.

I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts. Maybe someone else feels like they're in a similar spot. Maybe hearing some words of encouragement that I'm not going insane with this would also help me accept the position I'm in. Maybe it's Maybelline.

[glysaturn]

Your art has made me rethink the role of an "artist", because I don't use that word lightly and just art in general

Art is very subjective and I am just speaking about my own thoughts about it

Overwatch is a new fandom for me and finding your art and how I as a "viewer" interact with it made me think about how we perceive art in general

I think we take it as an objective thing, where theres "good" art and then theres "bad" art

But truth be told, I think all art is good as long as the right person is looking at it

I absolutely adore your artworks, they make me feel so happy and I keep coming back over and over again

Yet I see you doubting your arts worth

Which I entirely get as someone who used to create a lot

But it got me thinking about how something so meaningful to me, can to you as the artist seem very different as someone who actually creates it and judges it from an entirely different stand point

I never thought much about the "viewer" cuz I never had more than 30 eyes on any of my artworks

But thats all just to say

I haven't enjoyed creating art for a while now, so having taken the role of just a "viewer" and applying it to how I feel about my art

I may not like my art, but the thought of someone enjoying my artworks as much as I have enjoyed yours makes me believe that maybe my art isn't so worthless afterall

Because your art has not only inspired me to get back into drawing, but just in general has brightened up my days even if just a little bit

And my new definition of an artist I think is much healthier and forgiving

An artist is someone who creates from the heart

And if they manage to make someone feel with their art, especially if they manage to inspire or motivate them? Then thats art at it's finest

With all this AI talk and everything, I feel like we more than ever need to realize that art is the core of humanity

I believe theres nothing more beautiful than creating art and enjoying it, each person creating and interpreting art in their own unique ways

It's beautiful, it's why we are who and what we are

Nothing will ever be able to replace the joys of human creativity and passion, as horrible as the future looks I believe in a future where art is so much more than just another product, where it isn't so commercialized

And artworks like yours, with emotions, with depth and human touch, made from the heart, just fuel my hope even further

I hope your passion for art never extinguishes, favorite artist

i mean i know i do take art as an objective thing 😂 when i apply it to my own art, but not art made by others, strangely enough. or maybe not that strange at all actually. but anyway that's just my first thought, my second thought that comes next is that it isn't right at all and that i should apply same standards to myself as i do to others. and it gets a bit easier. especially after i was finally able to feel like i can stand alongside all the other artists as an equal. i never used the word artist (again, applied to myself only) lightly either, that's kind of a known thing about me i'd assume, but like i've expressed before, the recent years made me kind of rethink that position. and even now every once in a while i get an epiphany that further cements this new notion. it's still hard for me to call myself an artist but if others see me that way then they are correct and that's fine. so yes, i entirely agree with your definition of an artist. that is how i think of myself, and anyone else who creates. artists need to be more kind to themselves.

i have an overarching goal. to get to the people what is important to me. hopefully you will see when the time comes. but for now, reading the things that you've said, hearing that my works made you get back into art, that seems like a goal of its own that i've apparently already accomplished. i could not imagine a better outcome. i really, really hope you will get to get to the point where you are able to love your own works, too.

about a/i, it's nice to see whenever people do come together to support each other in these extremely hard times. but at the same time it's not exactly the same as it used to be like a decade ago. or maybe that's just my personal experience, i don't know. i feel like the way creators are treated online has changed, a lot. which kills me because people do need to stay united now more than ever, make connections that are stronger than ever before. if we want artists to remain viable and if we as viewers want to continue enjoying our favourite creators' works. that being said (negative rant incoming), the looming dread of capitalism! my god! we can stay together all we want yet companies still just go ahead and feed our stuff to a/i, without us even having a chance or an option or anything. it just happens. like what, were we supposed to predict that in 10 years t/umblr would sell our everything to a/i companies to save its own skin (allegedly) and we had to stop sharing stuff to prevent that from happening? but if you kept on sharing then your works can and should be scraped, because it's the internet! it's kind of in the same vein as "if you've put your art on the internet then people are free to talk shit about it", which is like no dude there's still rules and boundaries, why must you suddenly forget to be polite and decent just because it's "the internet", unless you're the exact same way in real life :/

but i've gotten stronger over the years. i am strong enough to believe in this better future that you're talking about. i believe because i want it to be that way. and my desire for the better will make me keep going, will drag me if it has to, despite everything. and i hope others find that strength, too, if they haven't already. the evil cannot win, i simply refuse.

thanks, i intend to preserve my passion at all costs. i've got comics to make after all 🤠

[sodomyaspraxis]

Do you have any recommendations of books on queer theory and art you've been vibing with lately or that you've found really foundational? I love seeing the stuff you reblog and I would love to take a look at any texts/pieces/collections you've found really formative and impactful. Thank you in advance!

omg thank you!! Sorry it took me so long to reply, I loved this question and really wanted to do it right lol. My tastes and views are like a hodge podge of things I’ve read and seen, a paper here, and artist’s statement there, so it’s hard to gather lmao. But here’s some off the top of my head (might be long, sorry!):

Honestly the blog @997 has done more to shape and expand my ideas on art and aesthetics than any other, been following for years and has a special place in my heart

For queer theory:

The Xenofeminist Manifesto: A Politics for Alienation had a major impact in opening me up to ideas of abstraction, cunning, and scale in politics. It’s part of a broader left accelerationist/postcapitalist movement that I’m still one of those annoying people who likes what it has/had to say lol. This one is great, with absolute banger lines like “let a thousand sexes bloom!” and “if nature is unjust, change nature!”

Deadly and Slick: Sexual Modernity and the Making of Race is a more recent read, and does an amazing job talking about how the regulation of sexuality is intimately tied with the creation of race and its hierarchies, using colonial and postcolonial India and the UK as its focus.

The Penetrated Male by Jonathan Kemp is an amazing book on the anus(a subject I’m kinda obsessed with), specifically examining the anus and penetration beyond discourses on being penetrated as feminine and anal eroticism as pathology. If you’re into Wilde, Lacan, and Baudelaire, this is the book for you for anal examinations on them.

The Straight Mind by Monique Wittig is an injection of dialectics into examinations of sexuality, feminism, and power. Her rendering of sex as socially constructed and of lesbianism presents radical feminist politics without the biological essentialism by interpreting the idea that the proletariat is a class that advocates for its own abolition through a feminist and lesbian lens.

As for art:

More Brilliant Than the Sun: Adventures in Sonic Fiction is both written beautifully in that classic cyberpunk neologism style and offers a great critique on “authenticity” and “realism” as necessary components of good music through an examination of a lot of afrofuturist artists and advocates for alienation and abstraction as a way of breaking from dull “authenticity”

Who’s Afraid of Contemporary Art? by Jessica Cerasi and Kyung An is a good introduction to contemporary art for someone intimidated/unsure how they feel about it. I read it in one sitting when my car was stuck in the mechanics for three hours and I couldn’t leave haha

Maya Lin: Systematic Landscapes by Maya Lin and Richard Andrews. Maya Lin is mostly known for her memorials but her non-monument sculptural work is even better. Hearing her explain her craft and different interpretations of her work was really exciting.

Vienna Actionism: Art and Upheaval in 1960’s Vienna. I’m a sucker for Actionism, and this was an amazing book on the subject with insightful essays, photos, and descriptions of the performances that were held.

The journal e-flux and the website monoskop have changed my life to, amazing libraries of texts.

This is long but I hope it helps!!

[shslskaterboy]

YOU'RE SO RIGHT THOUGH Komahina truly is such a good ship and I feel like it's the one implied most in canon. The way they compliment each other, they remind me of a yin and yang. If you have the time for it I'd definitely love to hear your Saiouma thoughts too because Saiouma is definitely one of my favorite ships (I analyzed their characters way too hard and just fell for them)

Yes absolutely 🙏🙏🙏

Something I actually like about saiouma is kinda the opposite of Komahina, and that’s the lack of in-game subtext. I don’t just mean that in terms of romantic subtext, but also just who Ouma is as a character, since you get absolutely no concrete backstory for him, and don’t even know if you can trust the small tidbit you do get with DICE, and because of this he can kinda be whatever you want him to be. He is purposefully shrouded in mystery because the theme of the game is truth vs fiction, and I think his character was meant to exemplify that theme by being unknowable. I’ve seen the claim that Kokichi is just a knockoff Nagito but I don’t think that’s fair because I think he’s very purposefully the way he is.

That being said, I personally buy into the hc that he is anxious and has trust issues, which is why he constantly avoids the truth and acts out the way he does in game (Weeby News has a really good ouma analysis on YouTube I would highly recommend if you haven’t seen it)

This hc is sort of the hinge of why I love Saiouma, because this puts them in a position of understanding each other, both fearing the power of truth, albeit for different reasons. This along with what in-game context you do get from FTEs is what drives it for me. All of the other characters write off Kokichi as a trouble maker, bad news, purely antagonistic, but if you do all his FTEs then that makes Shuichi the only one to extend the courtesy of trying to get to know him.

That being said, unlike Komaeda, Ouma does NOT care to submit to the terrifying ordeal of being known- at first. He is having fun with Saihara, he’s definitely a little gay boy for Saihara, but he’s not revealing anything; of course Shuichi sees Kokichi as an enigma, or even a puzzle to solve, which is why he keeps coming back. However, over the course of all FTEs and his Salmon-mode ending, Shuichi comes to appreciate Ouma for who he is- lies and all- and agrees to meet Kokichi in his level, literally hand in hand.

Again we come back to the idea that this ship is very mailable, as is seen by the plethora or pre, post, and in-game art and fics. There are AUs left and right because there is just so much room for adaptation: people can pick and choose exactly what they want Saiouma to be to an incredible degree. Of course my preferred dynamic is always going to be the A+ banter that you get with the introvert/extrovert, and because they’re both anxious and insecure in their own ways, I think this enables some very cute content.

I’m the end I do tend to latch on to what existing canon content there is cuz that’s just how my brain works; they compliment and contrast each other because they both understand the gravity of truth and lies, and I think they end up understanding each others different ways of using them. I think there’s a lot of room for growth for both of them, and I think they’re both in a position to empower and uplift the other on their character arcs.

I do think the game could have done a better job of giving subtext that they might genuinely care for each other (much the way Komahina does) but I do understand the reasoning behind leaving it more open to interpretation. Either way I greatly appreciate the levels of creativity that come from saiouma shippers, and I will always be a sucker for phantom thief AUs 😅

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

I have many thoughts on Come Back to Me:

WOW

The lyricism and the talk-singing at the beginning reminded me a lot of Leonard Cohen, who is my favorite artist along with BTS.

One small negative is that the English lyrics don't make full sense, but this song is one of the few times where I don't think Joonie sounded different in English.

I thought it was so funny how there is only one verse in Korean (repeated twice). It's absolutely unnecessary, but it just adds that texture and it's like RM's way of making sure we don't think he's just trying to make English music lmao.

"My pain divine" is amazing and reminds me of another song/lyric (can anyone help me, haha? "my love divine??" I can hear Jungkook singing in a falsetto?? His Oh Holy Night cover?)

Anyway, I can't believe the song is 6 min long. It doesn't feel long at all. Everything pretty much repeats twice - there aren't a lot of different verses, but you get that sense of there being a story, climax and conclusion to the song. The instrumental is pretty. The song is very easy listening.

The MV is amazing, and Joon's acting was perfect. I think the MV expressed "Right place, wrong person" super well. I loved the story of it... the different lives and personas...

I had to read some interpretations of the MV because I always leave that part to Army, but something that I stood out to me was that idea that the issue wasn't other people, or the environment, but the way he felt - kinda like with V in Friends. Most things come down to how we look at them; the world is the way we see it which is something Namjoon has said before - he said "If you're good to life, life is good to you", or something like that, which is obviously simplistic, but true and important in many ways. It's important to have that perspective and feeling of empowerment and ownership in your life (even if you're trapped and can't see the way out, there is one).

I'll link below my favorite interpretations: x x x

I'm very much looking forward to RPWP! I think I'll like it more than Indigo. I wasn't expecting this song (I avoided spoilers). RM did amazing. The song and MV are brilliant. It's so satisfying - lyrics, cinematography, art - it's so complete. He really is such a great artist. (I want Jungkook to do something like this.)

[natsmagi]

I love ur art!!!! really its so gorgeous and the style brings me sm joy, its so soft and cute!! and ofc fem ntsmg is THE GOAT!!!!!!

BUT I JUST WANNA ALSO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR HOW U ANSWER ASKS AND STUFF AND IDK JUST UR WHOLE PERSONALITY IN GENERAL?? I love reading ur text posts especially when u kinda analyze the characters and stuff like its so fun to read and tbh, both natsume and tsumugi are characters that I feel are often mischaracterized in the fandom, and like idk I feel like u get them so perfectly and its sooo !??!?! Awesome getting to read ur awesome takes when new events come out and stuff like YOURE SO RIGHT ABT EVERYTHING, i be reading ur posts and going "you!!! YOU FUCKING GET IT!!!!!!!!!!" *happy stimming*

if you honestly did like a proper character analysis for them one day just now i would be so here for it and read it over and over again probably. Im currently hyperfixating RLY HARD on ntsmg so sometimes i just go through ur entire text post/ask tag and read everything over and over again 😭😭😭 I JUST LOVE THIS BLOG IN GENERAL KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING, YOURE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME AND VERY MUCH BASED USER NATSMAGI!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️

OIUGOHGOOHH OH MY GODDDDD ANONNNNNNNN THIS IS SO SWEET I HARDLY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME ���🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

im a very chatty person so im very glad u like hearing what i have to say 🥺!!! and im glad u like my personality too since i feel i can come off as harsh or arrogant sometimes AKJHFSKJH THOUGH TBF I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE KIND......

ID LOOOVE TO ANALYZE NTMG MORE !!! main reason i dont do it as often or hold myself back a bit is because admittedly its been a While since i read alot of the stories, a majority of which i have only read once, and when i make actually Proper analyzes i like to have reread the material and see if i maybe misinterpreted something on my first read or am misremembering, bc when given new info other interactions can be read differently and all that. and i also wanna actually do them justice and not accidentally spread misinfo AJHSFKJH AND I UNFORTUNATELY HAVENT HAD THE TIME NOR ENERGY TO DO THIS </3 but even without remembering every single piece of dialogue verbatim i like to think my grasp on them is still somewhat decent, and im very glad u like my interpretations 🥺❤️

it always makes me so incredibly happy when people view the characters similarly to me aswell bc like u mentioned they Are kinda prone to getting mischaracterized in some ways...... i think it mainly comes from both natsume and tsumugi having MANY factors to their characters though, and the mischaracterization comes from only highlighting one aspect of them and failing to think about how their different attributes overlap (although this can probably be said for the entire cast tbh). like an easy example that im sure everyone gets by now is natsumes little tsundereisms. if you only focus on him being rude to tsumugi it can look like hes just some edgy guy with anger management issues, but when you take into account other factors such as him having a rather spoiled upbringing both by his parents and nii-sans, and his distaste towards feeling "weak" (also caused by his upbringing, since he was frail as a child and raised as a girl) you start to see that oh. alot of that is just him being defensive and emotionally immature. since he had such a comfortable upbringing those hints of discomfort and vulnerability are threatening to him as someone who always had everything handed to him. and when you dont know how to deal with situations like that ASWELL as being afraid of being seen as "weak" youre Gonna start resorting to harsher words and sometimes even get physical because you have no clue how else to handle this. its also why the natsumes character consists of him being pretty obsessed with "growing up" and "not being a kid anymore," because he knows how immature he could be SKHDGJH he doesnt have bad intentions he just. doesnt know how to be vulnerable with people

[tonypostt]

OUSJDG HI CREATIVELY COSMIC HERE.. i had to do a double take when i saw the notif that you reblogged our art and THANK U SM ?

hhh is genuinely a fantastic pokepasta and i couldn't get enough of it once i started wrapping my head around it. we've always been a HUGE fan of more abstract, interpretative, and experimental work so seeing a pokepasta go ALL IN on that approach was fantastic and i genuinely think it's one of our favorites now.

everything about how it was written really.. struck a chord with us. I COULD BE SO FAR OFF THE MARK im so sorry but im trying to articulate it. something about memory loss and identity loss and dissassociation. and how vulnerable it leaves you and how desperate you can become for an escape, no matter how much that escape hurts, because its surely better than the alternative. becoming dependent on something or someone that pains you because theres nothing else to turn to or so you believe.. and eventually it's all you know and turning back seems impossible. and you just fall deeper and deeper because the more it hurts the more it at least feels real and its become synonymous with comfort. its a very potent work to me is what im saying

as for the sylveon in my head its like 50% hexi. half the time its normal the other half it is absolutely NOT. im really glad you liked our art regardless though hasjfjgd

i hope you dont mind us rambling a bit uh!! i want to try and do better at letting people know how much the stuff they make means to me where im able. and happy hardcore hexidream hit HARD (in a good way)

HIII SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO LATE YOU SENT THIS LIEK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF NESS (ALTER) STARTING TO PLAY SPLATOON 1 WHICH HE HAS BEEN WAITING TO DO FOR LIEK . A MONTH NOW (you know how it is with those Autistic People /LH)

I AM . SOOOSOSOOSOSOOOOOOOSOSOOSOO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT HHH RESONATED WITH YOU SO MUCH . LIEK IM NOT EVEN KIDDING . esp as the years go by and i form what HHH is in my head more (which will probably not ever be a concrete thing . Liek i just think that's the nature of HHH) and i just even let it sit with Me The Author . it's also just kind of one-of-a-kind in my writing where it started as a one-off but then grew into something instead of me planning out 745395764385634895643987 different multimedia projects HSDKJFGDSKJLFGKJSD .

and liek . DONT WORRY ABOUT BEING "OFF THE MARK" WITH HHH BECAUSE THERE IS NO MARK . my dream is to have a world filled with a billion different HHH takes ..... Because honestly that was what it was made for (or . i guess . Continued for ? it was originally a vent with the first two parts being posted . Twwwoooooo years ago ??? On the pokepasta wiki ????? Fuck i can't remmeber im barely even fronting rn JSKLDFGHDKSJ) , to be talked about and theorized about and just . Conversed . Hexi is everything to me (and she is everything to you !)

WITH THAT BEING SAID . I ABSOLUTELY LOVE UR INTERPRETATION SO MUCH . i think a good amount of people kinda miss the subtle themes of trauma in HHH especially if they haven't read my other stuff or know me personally . Mostly because they're probably overwhelmed by the material itself and i dont blame themJLKJSDGFLKJSDGK . you could interpret hexi as either the truama , the effects of it , a reflection of how one views their own trauma or themselves within it , etc . But liek i said that's also only one side of the picture too even within the aspect of it being focused around trauma . the Situation could be representative of the trauma or a flashback . Or it could be some kind of a conversation situation . Or it could be a person . Or it could all be fake . Or it could be the person having a Funky Time !

and theres even more that you could do with this . liek . I feel a bit bad for not being able to put as much as much as i could into the updates that came after the first two chapters/parts to imply Other Things:tm: other than the fact that there's just random chaos going on , mostly because HHH is the type of story where you spot a new sentence you haven't read before and it changes EVERYTHING .

Also shoutouts to the fact that executive dysfunction affects my writing very disproportionately and the fact that there's supposed to be a massive update on april 4th that i dont even know if i can write let alone on time . I WOULD LOVE TO PUT IT OUT I JUST . BRAAAINSJDFHKDSKGSJKD

ALSO IRT SYLVEON . YOU ARE STRONGER THAN GOD FOR HAVING HEXI IN YOUR HEAD (/J i know fictives aren't their source) . ALSO PLS TELL IT HI FOR ME IF POSSIBLE i think it is so swag

ALSO NO WORRIES I . HAVE CLEARLY RAMBLED A BIT MORE in fact there's stuff ive rambled about on previous asks regarding HHH . if you enjoyed HHH you'd probably like my other stuff even if atm i dont have a Ton that is as Crazysillay as HHH !!! they can be found on my AO3 (tonyboyy) . Also obligatory mention to ness's splatoon visual novel that is in the works because im INSANE about it . He hasnt posted about it at all in order to avoid spoilers but just know that whenever last dovesong releases i will fly to the moon . ANYWAY THANK U FOR UR ASK !!!!!!!!

[sukifoof]

(this is my main lol my other acc is @princeyralsei) I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW U INTERPRET FLOWEY/AZZY like so many utdr fans dont get him at all and it's so hard to find ppl to talk ab him with i just love him sm!

idk if u associate him with this but I like to compare his trauma to dissociative disorders, since his journey with feeling numb really helped me come to terms with my experiences with something similar. Maybe deltarune azzy just has a dissociative disordee this time instead of being a flower XD. Ofc the situations are VERY DIFFERENT LOL but yeah.

I love his and papyrus' friendship too bc i relate to papy a lot and very much want to form a fan club for Flowey too 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Anyway those are my thoughts I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR MORE OF UR HEADCANONS AB HIM. AND UR ART IS AWESOME!!

THANK U!!! i feel like i also really struggle to find other people who interpret him the way i do so i am always so pleased when someone agrees with my many paragraphs of analysis on him <3 i think dissociative disorders make a LOT of sense for flowey!! i always like to see other people who have been able to come to terms with their Various Struggles thanks to flowey cuz. Me Too Man. i've had Extremely Similar Experiences to flowey when it comes to our type of trauma and the ptsd that comes with it and it's really touching to see a character like flowey handle what exactly that kind of loss and the aftermath feels like. like yeah man flowey u get it. which i think is probably why i analyze him so much i look at him and the spiderman meme pops up in my head we point at each other and go SAME TRAUMA??? hes a very special character to me i love him dearly

ALSO THANK U!! i love talking about flowey so much.... one of my hcs is that the only person hes Like That (extra edgy and dramatic) around is frisk cuz theyve already seen him when hes. Having A Moment. but i also like to think papyrus is the only person he really feels calm around cuz hes. u know. papyrus. while with frisk i imagine he doesnt really wanna reopen old issues so hes just their weird edgy older brother who sits at home all day. "just let frisk live their life" yeah thats frisks loser brother who WILL throw rocks directly at ur face if ur mean to them cuz only HES allowed to bully them. i also think he probably tries very hard to stay away from his parents cuz he doesn't know how to go about That issue... but i think one day he'll finally be able to open up and maybe calm down a bit. and yet he still tries to kinda... take care of things Behind The Scenes like making sure asgores plants dont die if he forgot to water them or making sure toriel is taking care of herself. i think about him a lot

ALSO!!! i have been thinking about an au where he comes back and hes pretty much flowey but hes still in Goat Form which i might post later so if u are interested.... 👀