#I WISH I DIDNT KNOW THAT YOU GOT WORSE!
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
#OMFGGGGGGGGGGG THISSS SOOOOOOMNVGGGGGGGZGGAHSBWOKSQVSJWCWNACWJ#music#audio#mico#le mine#NO I DONT WANNA KNOW YOU NOWW!!!!!!! 🥁😭🥁🎸🎸🥁🎸🥁😭🥁#I WISH I DIDNT KNOW YOU AS YOU WERE!!!#WE GOT A LITTLE OLDER NOW!#I WISH I DIDNT KNOW THAT YOU GOT WORSE!#le song shouting#SoundCloud
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
can i just be totally honest for just a sec. this past year hasnt been my favorite. it hurt a Lot and i really didnt think id be as happy as i am when the end of the year came around. it was not the best year by far for me. kinda nothing has been Great since i was like 12 honestly. But also i've learned a Lot about myself this year. I've healed, hurt, loved, laughed, everything in between, and will continue to do all that because thats life and im living (!!!!). I'm about to have a birthday that i didnt even think i was going to get to see like 4 years ago so. yeah. happy new year everyone and im really really happy im here <3 thank you all
#camera talks#sorry for getting real for a second LMAO#umhmhm#happy new year <3#im really really glad yall are around and im around#ive had a Lot of struggles this year#(from what i can remember. tbh ive blocked out So So much pain i know im forgetting stuff)#its been bad but i know its been worse. sorta. tbh this hasnt been a good year thinking about it but i dont want to think about it rn so#But i know i didnt think id reach the end of the year like this#im very happy ive gotten here. im so happy ive accomplished everything ive accomplished#and im almost okay with what im going into next year.#its scary but ive got people and support and i can make it through#i feel more loved and safe#and i hope it'll mostly just go up for me in a lot of aspects from here#okay. thx for reading if you read all the way through this :)#i love you guys <33#thank you to the mutuals and followers who have been here since my early days and who have recently showed up#you're all amazing and i wish you nothing but the best <3
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
😊
#it always feels so nice whenever i do things i just kinda. never imagined myself doing#aka 'i didnt think id have friends ever so i was just going to hermit forever' kgjdjdjsjs#its more 'i dont think people would like me enough to hang out' so.#but yeah....#i got to talk more to this guy x at work who started the same time i did#so he and i just kinda vibe and are honest w each other#it was nice just chatting about life and all that#he didnt have a ride home so i offered him one and thats just something i didnt really think id do#idk bc it was more spontaneous and i feel id be too anxious or think 'oh god maybe he doesnt like me and would feel weird'#but we actually vibe so the ride was super chill#IT WAS CHILL UNTIL HE MENTIONED STAR RAIL AND I WAS JUST 'DONT SAY THAT#but yeah.#idk.#its that thing of 'try to be the friend you wished you had'#x is cool tho hes funny#i was just surprised he said hes quiet when he started. he was not quiet at all when we first had a shift together jdfjdjdj#orientation buddies ig sjfjdjsjs#ANYWAYS#i also started training on my promotion job and its been nice. a little overwhelming but skfjdjd its not bad#friends tag#avil speaks#it was just a nice day today haha#SORRY i just am mush lately about friends. believe me itd be worse here but djfdjjd you know. have to shut up.#otherwise its like everyday 'man.... i like my friends. my friends are so nice. i wish them happiness and warmth'
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
someone needs to bail me out of class for the next too days and lock me in solitary so i can finally have some alone time and properly cry
#mmmmmmm my roommate has many habits that drive me insane#and im too scared to tell her off despite knowing holding it in will absolutely make me feel worse and worse#also i spilt ramen sauce all over my shit and on a white shirt i love so#one more thing to add to the cry abt list#also weird rant now#my moms given me such a bad fucking relationship with money food and gifts#and suddenly shes been so nice to me now that if feels suspicious#which is a really bad fucking thing to feel about your own mom#she got me cupcakes???? theyre being sent/for pickup via my college dining program which i didnt even know you could do#but idk why she did it in the first place nor why she didnt do it for my birthday if she did it at all?#anyways times like this makes me wish i was way more emotionally avaliable and less emotionally constipated#but i vent enough abt shit already that i feel like im whining and complaining more than anything so#a genuine hug from one of my friends or smth that doesnt immediantly give me the ick#bc i genuinely hate that it can happen to me for literally any of my friends#anyways a genuine hug would make me break down crying immediantly#this has been my rant of the day and my horror upon realizing i think one of my irl college friends actually follow me#hi if youre reading this#no you didnt
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
my absolute favorite thing about resident evil games is that the goofy architectural contraption puzzles are just a universal constant no matter the time or location
#i think about them so much#infinite comedic potential#ok i think maybe re6 kind of didnt have them nearly as much?? its been ages since i played it but it seemed much more fast paced than the#rest so#imagine making a delivery and not knowing where tf to enter and youre on the phone with them and theyre like ok yeah no#you need to go to that place and retrieve this bas relief piece#yeah theres a couple more in other places after that- wait no dont leave ill tip extra#also the ever constant question of who the fuck builds them#my main theories are 2: either its 1 guy/guy and his descendants or smth that just made that their line of work and got a name in the field#so every mansion-owner antagonist wannabe knows who to rely on if you want to get your shit done well#or 2 its always someone different and they just get lured to each remote ass place with the promise of a huuuge pay for#very specific silly requests#they probably just get axed or worse at the end of the job but itd be even funnier if they didnt#they just do it and get a nice pay and that just becomes a funny story to tell their buddies#like yeah man this one time i got a job in some backwater ass village asked me to built some stupid doors with puzzles and shit but hey#the pay was good#but yeah tldr its the best thing ever i wish irl buildings had that shit
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
victim of the zexion fan to horror enjoyer pipeline
#the time between bbs and the fall of radiant garden was already a fucking horror show#made worse because of his child perspective#so lots of traumatic material to draw from already#and then the illusion thing lends itself VERY well to psychological horror#so naturally people are inclined to write horror fics revolving around this character#previously i avoided horror like the plague because im scared very easily#but i see blorbo from my games and go hmmmm i'll brave it#and then. i enjoy the horror.#repeat several more times#one time about 6 months ago i was in this rp thing where there was this cursed amusement park#youll never guess who i was rping as /s#and its thing was showing visions of people who couldnt be saved#for MOST of the characters it was very melancholic and there was lots of grieving#but a certain book bastard got The psychological horror experience of a lifetime#and let me tell you i was riding the high of that thrill for weeks#some people were actually disappointed that *their* characters didnt get the horrors:tm:#secret backstory for that one art thing i made with zexion and a (super murdered) baby ienzo#wish i could talk about it more because it was the coolest rp ive ever been part of but you know how it is#anyway now im watching a silent hill playthrough for fun and it's zexion's fault#kingdom hearts#zexion#me post
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wish it was worse
#i wish everything that happened was worse#i wish it mattered#and i know people saw it every time and i wish they didnt and i wish#nobody saw it because maybe then itd feel less like a funny joke#that i just didnt get#i wish i was alone and i wish it was worse#i wish i had a reason to be so afraid#bc i'm so lucky. and i wish i wasn't lucky.#i wish it couldn't have been worse#i wish i didn't have to deal with. oh yeah that happens all the time.#at least he didn't make you send pictures. at least it was online. at least nothing actually happened.#like the person who fucking ruined me isn't even alive anymore so who do i get angry at#and i hate to say this but i just wish i got sa-ed. i wish it was physical and i wish i could point to the event and say#even if some people don't believe me at least other survivors will#but nobody's fucking going to believe this. nobody is going to care.#because i was so so lucky . it was so so normal .#and i know for a fact that i'm not even safe talking to survivors about it#i can't even talk to friends i can't even go onto RAINN#and try to get help because i don't need that help#it was just my hair. and then it was just my hair again then it was just my bra strap and then it was just#online and online and it was just online so nothing even happened#and i thought i wanted it and the other person is dead so i'll never know who to blame#why wasn't it worse why ? it should ahve been. it had every reason to be.#dont rb#vent#neg
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ykw sometimes its better to just cancel the show
#s/he speaks#yes this is abt killing eve#(no i still havent gotten to the end it just keeps getting worse....... im here for the helene and villaneve scenes only atp)#and specifically the parallels between it and nbc hannibal#im gonna try to not go off too much bc i have enough thought to turn this into a 5 page essay#but basically#1. i feel like i dont even need to say this but if what happened to a show as popular as ke instead happened to a show a male oriented show#esp one with gay main characters. all of the writers would be in witness protection rn the backlash would have been deadly#2. besides the obvious point of misogyny and lesbophobia/hatred? discomfort? disinterest? with f/f relationships#it genuinely would have been better in the long term for ke to have ended on s3#i dont like s3 all that much but even w that being said it would have been 1000x better if it just. ended at the bridge scene#and now w the parallels to hannibal - a good chunk of what keeps hannibal alive even today (besides the great story characters etc etc)#is the fact that it was cancelled with an ambiguous ending. its the perfect recipe for endless fanfics and keeping the audience alive#by keeping them hoping that *maybe* someday there will be more to come no matter how unrealistic the expectation is#meanwhile w killing eve the fact that it is officially over there is no hope#our s4 *is there*. its there and its shit and we just have to live with it because there are no second chances#sure ppl can and do write fanfics abt alt endings and ppl still make edits n whatnot but it feels like the fandom is just dead/dying#bc any and all memory of even the best parts of the show gets tainted by the knowledge of how it ends and of how badly they fumbled it#and even worse when you KNOW it didnt have to be like that. it could have been good. and yet#idk. i said id keep this short but im still rambling i just have a lot of thoughts#i wanna post ke stuff but this is just killing any enthusiasm i had for the show so far#which is so fucking stupid bc i love it even with the shit last season and i cherish it sm its one of my all time favs im just devastated t#and esp as an excath and bi woman. s4 feels like a straight up personal attack on my own bs that i was forced to deal w#i wish women got better media i wish shows focused almost exclusively on women more i wish there were more morally grey/evil mc women#i wish representation of bi/les women existed outside of sanitized desexualized “pure bean” femxfem media#(tumblr deleted half my tags so rewriting) idk i just wish this type of show wasnt so fucking rare and that woman centred media wasnt so#“softened down” ig??? idk how to describe it but it just feels like theres no way to get any dark/gritty female media w/o it having like.#a shit ton of misogynistic violence sexualization and sa. esp when you add f/f pairings in it#like can we be fucking happy. for once. pls#rant over ig
1 note
·
View note
Text
me, personally? discovery of new music. just found the sample to a one of my favorite songs from a few years ago. this week has sucked, but every time i listen to it, i feel like the burden is lifted a little.
my compulsive need to make stories, too probably. (not necessarily write them or finish them, but work them out like a puzzle in my head. i don't put pressure on myself to finish anything. i think it's mostly about the satisfaction of figuring out how the piece things together, which i imagine transfers over many hobbies)
and ive finally reached the point where a good savory meal is something i can truly enjoy.
ive spent a long time at my wits end. i dont really know what keeps me going anymore, but ive kind of come to peace with that. once i realized i didn't need to have a reason, that the only thing i had to do was get up the next day, it was almost... a relief? i dunno.
sending love, internet stranger. may tomorrow bring you at least one small respite
I'm very sorry to ask something like this, I've really been struggling with this question, and I wanted to ask the combined wisdom of the people on this site
I would like to know why you keep going, and what drives you to keep living. I know there are a lot of reasons to stay alive and enjoy life, I can think of a few that personally resonate with me, but I really want to know what your reasons are
You do not have to comment on this if that's too big of an ask, and I'm very sorry for asking something like this, I really need someone's help, I feel like I don't have much purpose
Also if I may ask, please don't post any suicidal ideation in the comments of this post, I really can't handle something like that right now
#im.... kind of an outlier tho. idk how much help this is but my answers are sincere#i just.... i suppose i liken myself to a rabid dog a lot. i got my jagged fangs in life and im just not gonna let go#i guess once i stopped hoping for some big redemptive love/friend/family/social thing to help me i felt better. i realized i can get by on#my own.#and that my survival/recovery/etc didnt have to be pretty or a good story for others.#it could just be me getting up the next day over and over again#i think that sounds wrong to some people but it helped me fr#another thing is revisiting old interests/music from when i was a kid. i was guarded and i only relied on myself for true emotional support#and i got that through music. revisting that music gives me the strength to keep going. i do it for her (my 12 year old self)#also the phrase “all things will be okay in the end. if it isnt okay it isnt the end”#idk. like i said im probably an outlier here. but i hope it helps for someone#cuz if someone gave me the usual fluffy/huggy/cozy lines i would have felt even worse. BUT to know that i DONT have to wait around for#that stuff to save me felt REALLY good#i guess my answer boils down to “old trance music and hearty soup”#i wish i could give happy/fluffy/hopeful but... i mean if someone said that to me five years ago i would have dropkicked them u know#sorry for the tag ramble op#keep life in your jaws. bite down and dont let go. rooting for you fwiw#and i do wish the happy fluffy hopeful stuff on you too btw#but i guess it helped for me to not start with all that#misc tag#harebrained thought
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
arts so stupid whyd i have to choose it to be The Thing I Do
#put effort into shit and spend hours on it and then it gets nothing and it sucks#or dont and either you get deserved nothing or you feel bad that the bad shit got popular#usually the first kne#god why couldn't i have done like literally anything else#is it my style i know its not the best but i didnt think it was that bad#or am i just not good at it. am i making myself look stupid#tumblrs fucking awful but everyones on here twitters barely better i get more but its just the same like 7 mutuals#shoutout those guys btw. love all of my mutuals but the same few ppl on twitter that like like all my art are inspiring idk how#they deal with me#tiktoks fine i get like 30-50 likes per art dump bit then again when my average likes over there are over a hundred if not 200#its not as nice#god im such a self centered freak arent i why do i even care about fucking social media shit#i tell myself that but then like last night this plus like one person ignoring me managed to make me suicidal for a few hours#so thats nice#trying so hard to not be jealous and a bitch but at the same time what makes me so much worse than everyone else that the stuff i put so#much effort into gets so little attention while people can put barely anything into something and get so much#god i really need to get offline#but theres literally nothing irl for me to do instead#and online is where all the stuff pertaining to my hyperfixation is#someone just fucking kill me at this point#jello shut up challenge#am i having an episode or some shit im actually so serious for the past like month or two ive been like this every night#man i really wish my therapist hadnt quit right about now
0 notes
Note
I saw your response to the other anon, was there really no indication that she wanted to break up before she did? In my experience, people can be really good at pretending... Which sucks to say, but I just find your situation really baffling, so I'm curious
yeah there was genuinely no indication at all!!!! which is why im so shocked and hurt about it. and youre right people definitely can be good at pretending but i guess its just so sad to me because the entirety of summer she was so genuine about wanting to spend time together during fall sem & she seemed so excited to do so many things together this sem which is why me & all my friends (and even her friends) are so surprised by it because literally everyone knew how much we liked each other. i know she has a tendency to overthink and the day she broke up with me she said "ideally i would have brought it up earlier in teh summer but it was something id really been thinking about for the past week" which is also why i guess im a little irrittaed? because if it was something shed seriously been considering for only a week (and mind you, this was like the one week we werent able to consistently talk over video call) then how did she know it wouldnt get resolved over the fall semester when we ACTUALLY get to spend tiem together you know?? like i really wish shed maybe given us a chance to work it out??? instead of just ending it before we could even get a chance??? she said she didnt feel an emotional connection and we could work it out over fall but she didnt think it was fair for me to put in effort cuz that would feel unfair but its like. she doesnt even know half the things id do for her. if she told me she was felling this way i would have tried my best to do whatever it was to make her feel more comfortable. all of this to say im not trying to send any hate her way & for anyone on here who actually cares about this (im surprised im getting anons about this lol - not in a bad way im just surprised people are actually reading these posts) i dont want anyone to think that im pissed at her about all this. im just generally irritated at the situation but i dont mean any harm her way and i really care about her and i know she cared about me too. i can overthink as much as i want but at the end of the day i know she meant it when she said she cared about me and shes never been bad to me at all so im not trying to spread rumors or speculate about her thinking process in any way, its just my own feelings about the whole break up. the entire situation is just so like... shocking. like NO ONE saw this coming - i dont even think she saw this coming until the end of the summer.
#this is so tmi but its like i have really bad emetophobia but one time she was sick and all i could think about was wanting to take care of#her. like ive NEVER done that before#she is the only person id take care of if she like yk puked or wahtever. it surprised me so much#so i cared about her a LOT and i know she cared about me too i just dont understand why she didnt even want to give us a chance to figure i#out#like why give up on us so easily???#i really think part of it is just her not wanting things to get worse & wanting to end BEFORE things got worse#but nothing was worse!!!! everything was going so well!!!!#if she was feeling bad or uncomforatble i just wish shed said something because as a couple you have to talk thorugh things!! not just take#shit!!!#but also this was her first relationship so i know sometimes it can be hard to realize that. so again im not sending hate her way and i don#blame her for her thinking process. i just wish shed given us more time to work it out and told me this isntea dof just making the decision#for both of us to just break up.#anon tag#asks#like in the words of my friends the break up 'was a very one-sided decision' which is true#and anon youre not the only person totally surpried about it. literally all my friends are too#and her friend was too!!! like i dont even understand
0 notes
Text
..... i miss him .......
#shit happens#i wish he didnt kill himself lmfao#he and i were messy and he was rly abusive but likeeee ima miss that boy forever and always#i wish he was here but even if he was here things would only be worse#and i need to remind myself#that i romanticize the past and that i am nostalgic for a terrible god awful time period that i miss bc he was there#he was there with me thru my active addiction and i got sober and had to cut him off for good#and when i went thru psychosis he was the first to sense something was wrong#bc i was texting him and he sent his friends over to check on me every day and babysit me while mom was at work#i miss him and his fucked up way of showing he cared#hed do my chores with me and wed get fucked up and then mess around and that was such a bad situationship#i miss him with all my heart and if he were here i worry that id do anything for him#i want him back on earth to at least know we are under the same stars#he's one of my guardian angels now#and it hurts my heart n soul to know in this life we can never be together again#but in the next life i will be with u i guarantee that#i love you and miss you my angry yet sweet boy#he was a psychopathic narcissist but he was myyyy fucked up favorite person#he made me feel safe in such a fucked up way#nobody could hurt me like he hurt me#forever broken hearted
0 notes
Text
🦋
#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons.#like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao.#but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want#stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for#rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area#had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v.#i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom.#&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that#until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while#fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao.#but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao.#he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story.#&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it#filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate.#he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao#&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic.#he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao.#he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had#&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed.#he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him.#he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole.#&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious.#when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come.#to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao.#but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there?#will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it?#&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao.#like it could be worse i guess lmao.
1 note
·
View note
Note
Can you write something where the reader is badly injured in some way and jason rushes her to the manor for help and everybody is confused on who she is bc they didnt even know he was in a relationship (despite them being together for awhile) but they see how soft and cute he is with her. (I’ve never made a request so sorry if it got kinda rambley)
anon you’ve got me TEEMING with ideas I LOVE the trope of nobody knowing jason has a girlfriend and they find out but it is NOT by Jason’s choice nor reader’s.
Also omg? Your first ask is to lil ol me?? That means this is a special occassion. And you’re doing great I’ve def sent worse asks.
Out of the Bag
Jason Todd x Fem!Reader || Hurt and Comfort.
Word Count: 1,862
Warnings: Injuries, swearing, near death experience, blood, knife mention, stabbing, canon-typical violence, use of pet names (princess, baby), drug (pain med) use
You were sat in an alleyway, vision going in and out.
“Tell me something, princess. Anything.” Jason’s voice rang out in your ear.
That’s right. In your right hand, you held your phone, to your ear. Your other hand was pressing the fabric of your coat to the side of your stomach. The blood had soaked through, becoming sticking on your palm and fingers.
You should’ve listened to Jason. You shouldn’t have walked home alone, at night. Luckily your phone had been in your pocket and not your purse, which had been stolen from you by the same guy who decided to stab you.
“Princess,” he sounded panicked.
Right. “Wish I had kicked him harder.”
You heard a sigh of relief leave him, “That’s my girl.”
The phone slipped from your grip a little as your head swam. The sight of blood coming from your own abdomen made no help in quelling your nausea.
You fixed the phone. You had called Jason the second the guy ran off, leaving you to bleed out. He was driving, you think. Tracking your phone to try and get to you. “How far?”
He said something you didn’t hear. Your vision was swimming, your side was aching, and you couldn’t help but keep this funny understanding out of your mind that you were dying.
That this is something Jason had come back to your apartment with a few times, claiming it was nothing. It was something.
You heard him call your name, “What’s around you?”
“I’m tired,” you mumbled.
It seemed to happen in a blink of an eye. Jason was trying to tell you to stay awake, to look at the alley around you. To look out towards the street and tell him what you saw. Then he was there, standing in front of you, his helmet hiding his face.
“I’m here. I’m here, baby.” He cupped your face, tapping your cheek to get you to open up your eyes. He crouched down, pulling your hand from your side to assess the damage.
You smiled lazily and leaned forward, resting your forehead against his shoulder.
Jason muttered a slew of swears as he pressed something soft yet hard against your agonizing wound. You let out a yelp before Jason was picking you up, placing you on his bike.
He’s talking fast, “Fuck. Okay, listen to me. We’re going to go somewhere new, okay? There’s nowhere around here except there for me to get you safe.”
You passed out nearly as soon as he started the bike.
Jason’s freaking. He had tried to keep you safe from anything like this. From everything less than this. And here you were, bleeding out in his arms as he carried you through the batcave. He beelined for the cots and the medical supplies off to the side. He knows his motorcycle couldn’t have been the smoothest of rides for someone in your condition, but it’s all he had in such a short time span.
He’ll apologize when you wake up.
When. He repeats. When she wakes up and when we can get the hell out of this place again and when I can remind her I love her.
No one was back from patrol yet. He set you down on the cot before tearing off his helmet. He tossed it aside, pulling out a med bag and ripping it open. He pushed up your shirt, examining your side and where he had placed the military-grade gauze pad. He curses at the amount of blood.
His hands are shaking. Jason’s hands don’t shake, but you’ve proven to him a lot of things you could make him do that he hadn’t known he was capable of in the last year and (almost) a half of your relationship.
Jason nearly drops the suture thread before another hand is reaching out from just behind him. It catches the thread and Jason looks back over his shoulder. Alfred’s there, moving up to you.
“Allow me. You keep checking her vitals.”
Jason hadn’t even heard him come up. He’s nodding, stepping back to let Alfred take over the stitching. He moves to the other side of the bed.
That’s when he catches sight of the dark figure moving closer from behind Alfred. Jason immediately fixes him with a deadly glare, pointing at Bruce, “Do not come closer!”
Bruce stills. He’s in his bat suit, his cowl hanging behind his head, exposing his face. He looks down to your body, “Who is she?”
Jason doesn’t want him here. Rather, he doesn’t want to be here. You should’ve been home by now. Getting ready for bed and sending him a goodnight text. He turns his gaze back to you.
There’s some hair across your face that he hadn’t noticed. He moves it out of your way without a second thought, “My girlfriend.”
“Finally feel some remorse for sending someone to their grave, Todd?” Damian’s voice spoke up, walking up and stopping beside Bruce, “He’s probably trying to just reverse what he did.”
Jason ignores him. He wants to yell, scream, and maybe shoot the little bastard, but he was right. In a way, this was his fault. He didn’t look after you. He should’ve offered you a ride. Called you a taxi. An uber. Anything.
Jason grips your hand into his. It’s a way to count your heartbeat, and another way to ground himself. To reassure that you’ll be okay. His other hand stays on your cheek. His thumb gently moves back and forth, stroking your skin.
He barely registers Bruce telling Damian to go wash up. When the brat is gone, Bruce speaks up again, “What happened?”
Jason doesn’t take his eyes off of you, “She was walking home from her friend’s. A mugger got her purse, she fought back. He stabbed her.” Jason takes a deep breath, “She still had her phone. She called me. I brought her here because it was closest.”
A beat of silence. Still stitching you up, Alfred speaks, “How come we’ve never been introduced?”
Jason shakes his head, “I didn’t want her near any of this. She’s bad off enough sticking with me.”
Once you stabilize, Jason brings you up to his room in the manor. He walks past Dick, Tim, Duke, Cass, and Steph without looking at them. They sit around the batcomputer, watching Jason gently carry you out ot the cave.
He changes you out of your dirty clothes once he makes a run back to your apartment to grab you some of your own spare clothes.
Asides from that, he doesn’t leave your side.
He lets you have the bed to yourself. He pulls up a chair beside it, waiting for you to wake up. He didn’t want you to be alone when you did, in a strange place after a traumatic event. It was a recipe for disaster.
The sun’s been up for a long while and Jason hasn’t budged. He sits there, your hand gripped in both of his, held up and pressed against his mouth. His lips brush over your knuckles whenever he speaks up. Uttering a “I’m sorry.” every now and then.
There’s a light knock at the door before it’s cracking open. Jason turns his head to find Dick poking his head in. Jason glares at him.
Dick steps further in, presenting the tray he was holding. There were two glasses of water, some solid foods, and lighter ones, probably for you. Jason looked back down at you, letting his older brother enter.
“Just… figured since you’ve been cooped up in here all day,” Dick begins, setting the tray down on the beside table beside Jason.
Dick moves back around. He stands at the end of the bed, leaning against the tall bed post that was meant to hold up a canopy. “I heard…” he trails off, before nodding and your body in the bed, still unconscious, “Who is she?”
Jason looks up at his brother, not letting go of your hand, “So you haven’t heard.”
Dick rolls his eyes, “You know what I mean.”
Jason raises his brows a little. He looks back down at you. His hand reaches out to brush along your forehead, moving away imaginary stray hairs, “My girl.”
Dick nods in understanding, “How long you two been together.”
Jason pauses in thought, “Over a year. Our anniversary was in December.”
A small, choked sound comes from outside the door, in the hallway. “A year?”
Jason looks up at Dick, who makes a face that shows he’s knows he’s been caught.
“Are they seriously listening right now?”
Steph poked her head in first, an apologetic smile on her face, “We wanted to know!”
Duke pokes his head in next, just above Steph’s, “And we wanted to meet her.”
Tim’s head in next, above Duke’s, “You can’t carry a random bleeding woman into the cave and expect the family of detectives to not be curious.”
Cass’ head appears below Steph’s. She nods in agreement.
Jason let’s one hand go of yours to wave his hand through the air, “What the fuck? She’s not even awake!”
“Well that’s why we sent Dick as bait.”
“For the record,” Dick held up a finger, “They built off of my original, innocent idea of bringing you snacks.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jason stands up, taking a few steps forward. He points them all back towards the door as they start to filter into the room, “Get—“
“What’s going on…?”
Jason’s whole body whipped back around at the sound of your groggy, rough voice. The others watch as he’s back at your side in a millisecond, his whole demeanour changed. “Hey, you’re okay. Everything’s okay. Remember how I said we were going somewhere new? You thirsty, baby? Here, I got you some water.”
“Oh, you certainly did not get the water,” Dick piped up.
Jason glared back over his shoulder as he held the glass of water for you, keeping the straw Dick had added placed in your mouth.
You stopped drinking, your eyes now on the other people in the room. You turned your head, propped up against pillows Jason had put there for you. You weakly raised your left hand to wave, “Hi… oh?” your gaze turned down to your hand. A heart monitor clip sitting on your finger grabbed your attention. You gave a confused pout at it, “I feel funny.”
Jason set the water aside again. His glare was gone. He leaned in, kissing your forehead, “You’re hopped up on pain meds. That’s why, princess.”
“Damn,” Steph spoke up, “I wish I got the literal princess treatment.”
Jason turned back around, pointing out the door, “Get. Out. Leave my girlfriend alone until she’s better.”
You looked at the strangers, pointing at Jason with your left hand, “I’m his girlfriend.” Your head tilted back against the pillows as you stared up at Jason, pursing your lips, "I’m tired.”
“I know,” Jason said softly. The others began to filter out of the room as he leaned down and gave you a soft kiss, this time on the lips.
From the exit, a collective, “Awwww,” sounded out.
“Out!”
Your drugged up voice came after his, once they were all back in the hall, “Nice to meet you!”
#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x fem!reader#jason todd fic#red hood#red hood x fem!reader#red hood x you#red hood x y/n#jason todd x you#ask missy#cw injury#cw blood#cw knife mention#cw knife#tw knife mention#cw near death experience#tw near death experience#dc fic#dc#red hood x reader#dc x reader#missy writes
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
are you normal or do you print out your ao3 comments and make them in to a little book so you can look at them all together when ur feeling sad
#can neither confirm nor deny if this book exists#but i will say: it sure is nice to look at when i'm having a 'what even is the point' kinda day#you know that post that talks about how you should look at ao3 interactions like you're doing a little book reading#i think about that a lot#cause yeah i write for me but if i didnt know ppl were reading stuff i probably wouldnt bother posting#and going to the effort of making it understandable to a brain other than mine if i didnt think other ppl got anything from it#but getting a comment really is like 'oh my god there really is a person out there reading this'#and when they mention they agree with a certain take. then i'm like. omg. this feels like community you know#whats that one post thats like 'people arent looking for commnents. they are looking for community'#theyre right.#its easy to get caught up in stats and be like 'oh this is barely any ppl' especially if you start comparing (thats the mind killer)#but the truth is. the comments that i do get? thats like a ginormous amount of ppl#if they were all looking at me in a coffee shop. i dont know if i'd be able to do a reading lol. i'd get stage fright#not of the stuff that ends up on ao3 anyway. it's not stuff i'd ever put somewhere non anonymously. cause its all like#showing a bit more of me than i'd show in a coffee shop you know. thats me working through stuff. but still ppl are interacting!#that feels big.#i think cause a lot of my stuff is like 'heres a irl problem made worse so its brought to the forefront and has to be addressed'#which means its all pretty depressing but in a way i find cathartic. you know. its a tragedy but their story was worth telling.#it was worth it. so when another person sees the catharisis there. it makes it seem possible.#its not just wishful thinking. working through that issue would be hard and painful. but it would be worth it all the same. that guy agrees
1 note
·
View note