#I WILL ADJUST IM NOT GIVING UP
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me rubbing my dirty little hands together knowing i can run ff7 remake on my lappy >:)
#˗ˏˋ ᵖʳᵒˡᵒᵍᵘᵉ· out of character ﹕ reloading.#tbd.#well MAYBE#i have to run specs with my partner#but it looks POSSIBLE#WHAT A DREAM#i need to continue on with da origins#but it makes me woozy#my fault bc im terrible with the cam gdnfgjdfgn#I WILL ADJUST IM NOT GIVING UP#im an OG ff7 fan#played the pixelated terribly translated version long ago#excited at the prospect of seeing all these character i love#in full beauty yesss#also tim's been teaching me how to#play queens blood so im ready for that in the next game#i don't think rebirth will be easy to run on my laptop but#luckily we have it for ps5#the benefits of having a#gamer for a partner gngkjndgkjndkg#anyways verses and maybe testing muses to come#looking at my faves . . . maybe yuffie . . . or elena . . . zach . . . vincent iDK
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I see a lot of people upset about William Kaplan being dead and no one mourning him cus Billy stole his body and I just don't see it that way. The kid in Wanda Vision is Billy Maximoff, The teenager at the Bar Mitzvah is William Kaplan, the Teen that got taken to the hospital after the wreck is neither and both Billy Maximoff and William Kaplan. That Teen went home with the abilities of Billy Maximoff, to the home of William Kaplan, with memories of neither and lived there for three years. He cares about Rebecca and Jeff, he lied to the to protect them from pain, they are his parents. He wants to find Tommy, he has magical powers, he wants to know who he is. All of these things are true. I wouldn't say William Kaplan is dead he just doesn't remember, like Agatha wasn't dead when he was Agnes, she just didn't remember.
#its fully possible the witches road will give Teen both his memories back cus thats the thing he's missing. making him not William Kaplan#and not Billy Maximoff but Billy Kaplan a mix of the two.#agatha all along#agatha harkness#billy kaplan#william kaplan#billy maximoff#and to all the people pissed that he isn't finding Wanda. womp womp this is about his brother and if you looked you would have seen that.#rumor has it Tommy will be in Vision Quest right? Tommy has to be set up somewhere! he doesn't have magic. and why would they bring back#THE SCARLETT WITCH in a marvel tv show? that's a huge moment they want that sucker for a movie.#marvel#jeff kaplan#rebecca kaplan#also for people up set e6 was billy focused.... yeah mcu projects have set ups for other projects.#even Moon Knight set up Wearwolf by knight. then She Hulk and spiderman had a set up for Daredevil. wandavision set up for Agatha All Along#and the Marvels. Mrs Marvel had a set up for The Marvels. thats kinda how the mcu works its a conected story#teen agatha all along#in the show it shows he doesn't actually remember tommy if he didn't he wouldn't have had to find Ralph. he was surprised wanda had twins#named billy and tommy and that one could read mind while the other was a speedster. all he knows about tommy is that he can feel him#and hes missing.#he probably doesn't know what tommy looks like or sounds like or acts all he know is he can feel him MIA and wants him back.#.........#im back. i also see people stiching that one scene with for lack of better term Teen looking in the mirror going I am William Kaplan and#taking it as Billy adjusting to the body hes in now. one even calling him the monster inhabiting Williams body. and i dont think that it.#he doesn't remember being Billy Maximoff OR William Kaplan. again calling him Teen. Teen is looking in the mirror at a body and face that is#completely alien to him because it is! he has amnesia. he's looking in a mirror with no idea who is looking at him not because hes Billy but#because its no one at that moment hes nothing. he has no idea who he is at all. all he know is thats his body his name is William and his#parents and worried and he know that cus he can read minds. thats it nothing else
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Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
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introducing u guys to my stardew farmer oc ...... jia ! (they have the same name as my pokemon gym leadersona but who gaf) sebastian is my faovrite so he gets a cameo here too
if the art style looks like its been darwn by 2 diffeent people. ITS NOT i just changed styles in between..... its also changed since i posted 5 months ago oops
#stardew valley#stardew fanart#stardew valley fanart#sdv fanart#stardew sebastian#sdv#sdv farmer#stardew oc#i draw skrunkly#art#if sebastian looks wonky its also because im not used to drawing hin#IM STILL FIGURING HIM OUT!!!#HE'LL ADJUST TO MY STYLE ... SOON ENOUGH.......#give love to my oc thank u#sebastian will warm up to them. in a bit.#idk why i keep drawing parsnips help
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do u guys think jack ever let members of the torchwood team fall asleep on him in the backseat. because i do.
#they have a stressful job and they are all sleep deprived look at me. they are passing out on him and he's just staying. so still.#like someone whose cat is on their lap.#how this ends differs for everyone because if its like gwen she's going to wake up probably and not even be fazed by her doing it#but like owen wakes up. makes a face. 'why does everything smell like jack- oh god' and then flails to get off of jack.#jack ignoring his flailing with an arm draped heavily over him until owen gives up and decides if theyre doing this he's getting as comfy a#he can at jack's expense.#wait i have more for the other two#light sleeper toshiko i know this in my heart. she's constantly waking up slightly and adjusting herself and falling back asleep.#jack helping by petting her hair or rubbing the back of her neck.#ianto can and will fall asleep face completely smushed into the side of jack's neck.#okay. okay. im done. im done.#torchwood
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zesty lowkey just another way for str8 ppl to say faggot / faggy and get away with it
#and im sick of letting them#cus why my lil nephew not even ten yet saying that and 'acting 'zesty' ' with his friends#i hate sounding like a boomer like i value the upside of technology#but u give humans / ANYONE rlly a chance to relax and a lot will turn it into laziness / neglect just because they can#like it's good to spread awareness but it's maybe likeeee. Not a good thing to spread statements/stereotypes with no further explanation#and peddle it to CHILDREN#whose comprehensions skills are. surprise. that of a CHILD'S#i say this ironically. btw#'oh im so mature for my age' no bro ure an immature HUMAN whos being forced to immaturely consider urself mature#due to the nature of ur relationships and homelife (or more-so the lack/negatives of them)#like it's ok to be a little stupid#as long as u keep trying to improve instead of just sitting in fault#or acting like they dont exist#anyways this got off topic but ya. crazy#kids have been killing each other n crazy shit like that but lately the crazy murder stories have HEAVILY leaned into#a misunderstanding of materialism#instead of just 'i wonder what it feels like' it's 'she took my ipad & also i wonder what it feels like'#like the first was already scary enough & now we've got this shit???#empathy is going thru a downside and we need to adjust the scales back!!!#im not gonna act like this is some new never seen b4 onset of fear impacting a generation after mine#bcs it's not never seen before in LIFE.. it's just never been seen b4 in UR life. which can feel like LIFE LIFE bcs like. uve only got one#that u may be cognizant of or etc religion aspect insert here. the point is. history repeats itself. but the points of history#can vary in visibility. some events get more notice than others bcs history's voice is ppl & actions & sometimes that gets erased#this isnt some bastardization point of one generation. but it IS a flaw that can show up in any gen (usually the oncoming ones)#bcs changes can be comfort & discomfort & the one u'd usually consider negative isnt always#anyways what im trying to say is. we need empathy back up period. always. we need empathy#lack of it is concerning. end of argument
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Patch 2
Well of Charon the icons for items has been added in place of circle with letter :
Chaos Trials two cases got nerf in difficulty based on aspect changes but it doesn't show so only can display that they added icons for weapons and keepsakes :
Fated List of Minor Prophercies only got changed that one curse got taken out :
Keepsakes got their icons & Selene's got buffed :
Hexes mostly got nerfed :
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Daedalus Hammer : (Cut from the game ones)
Aspects adjustments reworks :
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Of course there is way more to the patch but it's the glimpses i managed to grab (i'm a visual). Not going to lie a love that you can just press E now for ores and it gets you all 3 instead of clicking it one by one. Nemesis not offering Death Defiance if you don't need it can't say it hits me personally since she never was nice enough for me to offer me such thing. Nocturnal Arms got tweaked but nothing that can be 'shown' & I don't possess Eos or Medea to check the differences but they got tweaked too. For the Hammer will update post when i get new stuff/changed. Whoever kept talking about adding more Driftwood bless you i hope you have great time because holy hell i'm either that unlucky or it's just that bad and it's not even resource you need tools for. There is one change in Oath of the Unseen but it's not in the description (has to do with duo and legendary boons). Can't say it's a lifechanger for me but it's nice that they made it so you can snap out of family portrait sooner it was taking forever previously. I'm curious to see if Golden Boughts will show Nemesis waiting there now because i had situation when i got all rewards but had no idea Nemesis encounter was waiting for me since nothing was shown only after running from one corner to another i finally saw her.
#Hades 2#Hades 2 spoilers#games#my stuff#normally i would give opinions about stuff but haven't done any runs since patch yet just checked said changes#but in short love the adds of new ui icons#hexes got nerfed when they werent already useful really in my opinion#about aspects time will tell#keepsake update i guess she needed that because one upgrade is nothin#hammer i dont like nerf for my blades but oh well#don't really care about list change nor trials i need to catch up with those#artemis aspect got adjustment will see if it good who im kiddin tho im always playin pan now smh#there is second trial that got nerfed difficulty because aspect but i havent unlocked it#and dont judge my lack of all keepsakes i see zeus and poseidon and i keep forgettin i dont have those hoes
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Also is there anything like. A phone widget that shows FL actions or an API I could use to make such a thing? The games energy system being so small is bad for my brain but being able to ping myself when I'm nearly full would be better than checking all the time
Alas, there's not any widget that I know of! There might be an API for it- I know a few exist for FL, though I play almost exclusively on the mobile browser, so I wouldn't have any experience with that myself.
There's not really any advice I can give besides simply getting used to the action economy and how it operates. It's by far the game's biggest hurdle in terms of onboarding, and it's one of the many reasons why FL isn't a game for everyone. It may sound like a moot point, but in my experience, the best I can say is just accepting that you need to take your time- Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was the Scoundrel, and neither will your own FL blorbo. Checking in hourly or bi-hourly is kind of the ultimate strategy to success as far as FL is concerned. Embrace the ability to step back for awhile. The Neath will still be there when you come back.
#ask#fallen london#there are access codes listed on the wiki that give free coffees (re; action refills) in a pinch#and you get one free refill in your opportunity deck every week#there are definitely tons of ways to manage ur actions! u just need to balance em#as i said. it's a big hurdle to adjust to for newer players. ive always stressed this probably isnt a game for everyone#but if u stick with it there's something really special in it i think. at least in my own experience. as im sure yall are surprised by#ive just been so subtle abt it#also setting up a timer or mixing in playing FL with some other task might help?#mix the scoundrel in with doing ur dishes. it's a foolproof strategy that has definitely not made me mentally ill#not in the slightest
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idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.
the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.
yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.
but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?
this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.
yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.
i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.
so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.
because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.
he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.
but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.
yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.
#UGH. sick of this stupid show (<- pathologically obsessed with it (it's just on a downturn rn))#anyway hi welcome back to my terrible mind here's another excruciatingly long yyh meta post no one's gonna read that i should just make a#video essay because nobody wants to squint through all that text but MAYBE they'd listen to me read it out. anyway#i actually made and then abandoned another post comparing yusuke's sacrifice here to genkai's death by toguro if anyone's interested in tha#anyway yeah sorry if im rusty in uh talkking about these guys. they're still rattling around in here dw#that comment just fucking hijacked my brain. my first thought was to make an ep 89 yusuke pov fic but since that's Probably not#gonna ever Actually get done (sorry) i figured i'd put the analysis behind it here bc this fucking choice makes me want to rip my hair out#(in a good way in a painful way)#yeah this gets derailed. ugh i hope all that stuff about yusuke's motivation in this gambit makes sense bc i still don't feel 100% about my#reading of it. his ass IS very much an unreliable narrator. but in what way? ehhhhh it's hard to say for sure in this case. to me.#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yyh meta#yayyy#yusuke urameshi#literally wrote for so long the sun started rising (<- not impressive since you don't know when i began writing. but i can't tell you bc i#don't remember lol)#also: his relinquishing of this fight is very interesting to me. he loses his shit when raizen kills sensui and deprives him of that victor#and he tells the others to stand down once he returns. so clearly he still Cares about beating sensui himself#but when he thinks there's no other choice he's willing to settle for passing that torch to his friends#he's like well they've earned a good revenge killing. as a treat#the real answer is probably something like 'it would fuck with the pacing' but fuck that lol it's in the show i'm going to talk about it#and a lot of this still applies even if he Can't hear them bc he Has to expect the begging and crying bc 1. he's lived it via toguro 2. his#plan depends on it. even if he's only imagining his friends' heartbreak he's choosing to ignore it for the sake of his plan#ANYWAY the real answer for. pretty much everyone is to give up fighting and find something healthier to attach their worth to#which is why kuwa not being in the final arc is a good thing (as much as it hurts me not to see my boy)#yyh really said YOU HAVE TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED. DYING WILL NOT GET YOU OUT OF IT#i only skimmed thru this once sorry if it's ass
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I always enjoy it when people come up to me while im drawing as long as they're nice about it, and especially kids. And while the last two weeks only seemed to have obnoxious parents (at one point a kid was pointing like 'i want to be able to that!' and their parent replied 'you can't' and i was like ???? Wtf), this week there was a mom and two daughters who were really interested in art and were standing behind me while i sketched for a long while. Neither of the girls could have been much older than 10, and they were super shy, and were asking their mom questions, and i answered one of the questions. And the mom laughed and said 'see, she can hear you, don't be afraid to ask her questions!' and then i turned around and introduced myself a little and explained what i was drawing. And then they just stood and quietly watched me draw for like ten minutes, it was so sweet. 🥹
#Freebooter4ever#Also like....whenever im drawing im usually eavesdropping on various conversations around me#Adults are the funniest to listen to#Kids are mostly running around#And thinking about that lol...i realized what a weird child i was#When from the age of 6 i started going with my grandma to the kubota gardens in seattle#and we would sit and calmly draw or write for hours instead of me needing constant entertainment#I had a moment when i realized that if i had kids there would be no way to know if they would like drawing or if they would#Even be as quiet and calm as i was back then#Its not like i have not thought about having kids and how that would mean my time and choices would no longer be my own#But as i get more and more wistful over wanting kids#I catch myself thinking about stuff like this and realizing ok with a small child i probably wouldnt be able to do this anymore#And then i try to genuinely analyze whether or not i would be willing to give up whatever it is#And to my surprise the answer is usually yes#I find that im not thinking about it in terms of giving things up which is how society or advice books seem to paint it as#But rather adjusting to fit in a different kind of joy#I dunno ignore me im getting sappy over kids again
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Made a customer feel bad about being a bitch & take a step back and reconsider why she’s being a bitch… I feel like God
#she was bitching bc she bought alcohol but it didn’t come up as the loyalty card price#so she had to pay like £2 extra and that was ruinous#but i couldn’t adjust the price bc its alcohol i’m not allowed#so i told her if she takes her receipt to customer service they’ll give her £2 back#and she gets sooo pissy with me and goes YEAH AND WASTE ALL MY TIME WHEN THEY CANT HELP ME EITHER? GREAT. THANKS FOR THE BEST NYE EVER.#and like girl do you think this is how EYE want to be spending my new years#so i just stared at her for a second and go There’s people dying out there and you’re mad over £2.#lowkey as a reflex bc im always saying that to my sister when she complains#and then the customer gets all awkward and says sorry and fucks off with her alcohol#Like yessss. Think about what you’re doing girl…
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today after work i sat in the car in the parking lot for 30 straight minutes staring at my phone ("vegetarian options near me") staring out the windshield at the gray sky (slowly getting darker) staring at my phone ("hi [manager] i was not cool with") and staring out the windshield trying to swallow some seething and a headache to drive back with a cool head.
i don't - i don't get angry. not really. frustrated, grumpy, irked, annoyed - sure. i am not moved to out-loud anger: raised voice, yelling, outbursts. whatever rises I am capable of biting back.
kept my cool long enough to get a Vegetarian Options Near Me (note: bad) and long enough after that to go buy ingredients that i can make food with in a hotel microwave. took care of some of the needs of the flesh. called partner. could relay nothing but the insanity of the work conversations and, in speaking, heard again the words that had driven me to muteness earlier
"I would have just said 'what the fuck' out loud" says the phone.
and I had, alone, in my car, quietly, "what is wrong with you" and "what the fuck" and "what is your problem", but not in conversation.
for which i am giving myself several gold stars today and resolving for tomorrow:
* literally leave the conversation and walk away while they're talking to you if they don't give you grace to leave
* don't play their games
* data, document, propose solution. ask for nothing. especially permission to do your damn job
* buy a fucking soldering iron.
#i don't want to give voice to too many things from today but christ alive#but for one congrats on staying late and giving me shit for leaving at hour 9.5 when I'm an 8 hour worker and not letting me leave#the conversation until I pulled the narcolepsy card????#wow you're so cool and devoted spending hours after people leave doing your job extra shittily for extra time. cool.#i am trying to Leave. let me leave#im sure all the overtime makes your dick massive.#also i think i Will actually listen to people who DO the work even if they don't have degrees you asshole#no shit people who Do The Thing have insights about it#they even have ideas like use a soldering iron which your massive credentialed brain can't conceive of.#“it'll get too hot” have you heard of an adjustable temperature soldering iron. will you believe me if I tell you they exist. no? no? what?#every suggestion smacked down#don't talk down to me. don't you talk down#you are so phenomenally bad at your job and also an asshole.#don't tell me “this isn't a problem” i have video of the problem#don't fucking. put words in my mouth and then argue with them#let me do my fucking job wjhich is. fixing your shitty job fucnnsnaskkdjandjdjajsnndjdkajandnndnsjandbbdbandndnnsna#uncharitable#i am not going to type up the whole pile but let it be said : for a dozen more insane madhouse things : what the fuck#the most combative noncollaborative xmambabdjsbsjajsj
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wanna be put in a room with craft stuff for 10 years
#i cant focus on anything rn but the stuff i wanna make and its turning my brain into mush#the weird brainfucked fear that if i dont get these things started Soon ill forget it#my memory is so fucking borked man and my brain runs too fucking fast to hold on to anything#i make so much that i went and made my own hell lol#the two jobs thing i think is probably the crux rn cause ive got even less time than i used to and my time blindness gives me troubles#ill get adjusted to it#sometimes with all my fucked up processing issues makes me feel like im kind of stuck in a weird bubble#like i have no idea whats happening or whos around me or what people are saying and i just have to stumble through it yknow#shouldve been born as a tiktokers pet snail#not tryna be complainy or in a bad mood or nuffin im fine i literally just want to be making stuff rn#even though works like a big Thing its also been understimulating the past week because theres nothing to do i just gotta Be Here#i need to be put under pressure i need squeezed i need smushed and i aint getting that#if i ever make something for u plz hound me about it#so i can explain in excruciating detail what step im on and how im doing it and what still needs done and how ill do THAT#i should make tutorials#i feel like im way too stream of consciousness to make anything actually helpful#idk i want a toast chee
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yippee another bonnie, this time based on an outfit i gave her in roblox :D
#toontown#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#my art#my ocs#toon oc#this drawing was just. hell to do bc i didnt realize until halfway into lining and coloring her in ms paint that i messed up the anatomy#so i had to keep adjusting parts around in ms paint#and im suddenly so so glad that i decided to just give the hoodie regular stripes instead of zebra stripes AS:KFHAS:KJFHASF
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Oh, hello, gorgeous. I hardly recognize you. Did you get work done?
DRAFTED POST EDIT:
FUCKING SLUT. Fucking INTONATED slut. You think you're SO SHARP. Well, NOT ANY MORE, all strapped in, tuned up, fucking TOY. You loud-mouthed whore. Gonna make you scream for ME, next. Yeah, that string you just broke? That's gonna cost ya. Don't worry. I'll make you work it off.
#((im so sorry venom baby did it hurt when i broke that string on you pls dont be mad babe ill learn to play medium gauge pls honey))#fr tho spent all fucking day tuning him up and deep cleaning and exploring every nook and cranny to see what can be maintained#i dont have measuring tools but thank god the truss rod doesnt seem to be giving me any reason to adjust it#the issues seem to have been with the intonation paired with the super high action i was using before#only like a half turn shorter on the saddle bridge piece (after id removed n put the piece back on) and the tuner went from sharp to in tune#i may need to move that lower even bc the 3rd and 6th saddle are maxed and like 1 hairs worth sharp but this is a lot better than before#im not touching all of that again its fine. my new problem is going from light to medium gauge lmao#wouldnt be as bad if the action were low but i like it high so im just gonna have to be the painslut next#broke one string bc whoa guess who forgot to lower the bottom bridge before twisting those knobs#i was literally like 'okay this is too tense this cant be right somethings off' !#* ... and SNAP lost number 5 lmao. had to open a new pack bc the spare single 5th string is like 0.01 off of the set packs#and that would drive me nuts knowing that so i had to open a new pack#anyway hes all tied up and ready to go. unfortunately im ready to go to sleep.#prob shouldve waited to string him up but ill play w him tomorrow anyway. gotta get used to this gauge since its all the packs i have#shouldve ordered my own sets but id rather just get used to medium anyway since i wind up tuning to drop d and c all the time now#guitars#Cori.exe#Image.exe#suggestive#lmao#man why didnt i take a before picture#my boi was lookin so dusty#i gotta clip those string tips closer later too ugh that was not fun trying to wedge the slipped piece between two coils as i wound them#shouldve just done straight coils under the slipped end. but you know me. cant do anything straight#btws venom has a cock ring on his strap. sucks putting it on tho holy shit#my hands are too cold for this
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oooh i am hovering hardcore between "go get a haircut at a salon so you dont look weird" and "i should cut it myself surely this time i wont fuck it up" but if i fuck it up it will be ruined for months. and i dont even have any hats/ beanies i could wear besides my bunny one and i love it but the ears are long and heavy so its hard to keep on -_-
#when i have free use of my arms its oretty easy to wear but when im out i use either a cane or forearm crutches#and both are difficult to adjust a hat in. or even just hair augh. hypermobility is so meannn#i did have a dr once tell me about knee surgery as an option but idk how that would work in relation to hypermobility#idk im still holding onto the idea of one day ill be back to normal but i know thats a pointless thought(?)#*talking to the mirror* never give up soldier you can go ice skating again one day#but a haircut is a good start to that
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