#I THINK IT WAS...THE BEER MONEY COMPILATION

[punk-o-ween]

so excited for friday to see mcmg (if theyre there) during my mcmg era like when they first came on/won the titles i was definitely into them like i was telling my dad "oh theyre my new favourites absolutely" but i was NOT as hyperfixated and insane as i am now I NEED NEW CONTENT. ASAP. (more in tags)

[accio-victuuri]

THE Life of Us/Drifting MUSIC VIDEO IS AMAZING 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I think one can make an entire essay long post trying to explain what the scenes could mean. I’m glad that XZ was able to meet and work with a director like LIN who was able to execute this. I can only imagine the creative ideas XZ had for this and to have someone understand his vision and bring it to life is special. It’s so obvious the time, effort and money spent on this and we got it for free. The entire album is free to listen to. I just. Everything about this drop is such a slap to the antis who said it will be 9 covers and 1 original song but XZ goes bitch hold my beer lemme give all original songs and high quality music videos. oh wait, let me write some of the songs too. let me put in some details in my life there just to make it fun. how about that?!

which leads me to those said details/references that someone has compiled. i’m gonna share it here. 📝

P1: the person climbing a ladder in the clouds is something he drew before. I’m proud of him cause this idea of his has been realized. this reminds me of jack and the beanstalk!

P2: the books are design related. i’d like to think it’s his favorite go-to books!

P4: Knitting yarn! XZ knits!

P5: this is pretty obvious and recurring theme when it comes him - the little prince 🌹

P6: more of a comparison from when he was designer xz to now. he was wearing something similar.

P7: Life of Us = Life of Pi. Which is explained more in P8. OP mention that the main character Pi said when writing in his diary: "Everything has become chaotic and broken, I can no longer distinguish between daydreams, sleep, and reality.” The movie/book is a story about a young man who survived a shipwreck and drifted on the sea.but the deeper level seems to be a discussion about human nature, animal nature, and divinity. It’s about the struggle between ego, id, and superego.That tiger may be Pi's heart. What is drifting on the sea, for Pi, is me and "I"; and Pi, It seems to be the epitome of every "us". Finally, Pi told more than one version of the story, and he asked: "Which version do you prefer?" In fact, the choice of the story has always been "me".

"Life of Us/Drifting" sings "What is a dream, what is my greatest fear" "What is a dream, what is what I want most" It’s a question about your own heart, and only you can give the answer.

P9: that scene in the movie ET

additional ones, his favorite paper plane making an appearance and a similar shot from the animated film castle in the sky.

and i noticed that one take where you can see some vintage things like the telephone, but i realized that xz is almost the same age as me so these are things we grew up using!

i’m sure there are more details here and not to mention the hidden meanings too. but that is what makes this video so fun to watch multiple times! you can discover something new each time! I hope they release some behind the scenes on how this was created and all that. i think there should be a documentary of sorts connected to this album if i remember correctly. so yeah! so much more in store for is when it comes to this album 😊

[sevenciircles]

have some husk headcanons compiled from my notes/other blogs.

His human name is Lev Makarov

Husk does purr, and he likes getting head scratches and pets. He will die before he admits this though. The only one who might know is Alastor and that wasn’t by choice. 

thinking about my muses and how intelligent they are, and I actually think my smartest muse overall is husk. husk is multilingual, can do math extremely quickly, has a laundry list of skills that he’s developed. he’s very academically smart. however, there are muses who are more academically smart than him. but he also has street smarts. dump him anywhere in the world, anywhere in hell, and he’d survive. i’d dare say he’d thrive if given room to roam. he knows how to keep his wits about him, knows how to make the most out of a situation, and can get out of sticky situations. so yeah, a lot of my academically smart muses lack the street smarts needed to compete with husk. a lot of my muses have either one or the other, not both. husk does have both. so yeah, i’d say he’s my smartest muse. just because he has the most aptitude in different types of intelligence. 

He knows six languages.

Capricorn

ISTP

Languages he knows: Russian, English, French, Italian, Spanish and Mandarin

His grandparents came from Russia, on his Dad’s side. His Dad met his Mom (a Vegas showgirl), and after a whirlwind romance Husk was born. However, his Dad decided to go out and get a beer when Husk was four. Stores must be really out of beer because he’s still waiting for him to return.

Husk honed his skills due to being free to pretty much roam the Vegas strip. He performed magic for tourists in bars and casinos. Eventually, he even became a card shark in his own right. (Maybe with some cheating, but he was still an excellent player on his own)

He spent all of his money on traveling. He went to everywhere in the world he could. Traveling, making friends, learning the languages and customs.

He was honestly extremely social.

that is, until, he spent time in the army. in combat. don’t ask. do not ask.

Died from suicide

BACK TO SOME HAPPY ONES

He is EXTREMELY good at tailoring drinks to their customer. One piña colada served for one guest would be different than the piña colada for the guest sitting next to them. He knows flavor profiles and will pay attention.

Flying is the equivalent of running to him. Sure he can fly, but why would he fly when he can walk?

Keeps A LOT of his talents under wraps. He plays his cards close to the chest.

When he’s blackout drunk, he tends to tap into his feline instincts more than ever.

Has had three committed relationships during his time on Earth. He hasn’t had anything other than a few hookups in Hell.

[eldritchsurveys]

1155.

Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? >> Sparrow does, and I know theirs

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? >> I mean, probably

Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? >> putting aside the fact that I have no need of sneaking out.... hmm. maybe? like if there was a fire and I had to climb out of my bedroom window I could possibly pull it off. it depends on if I have a way to prop up the pane (and if it opens wide enough for me to fit through -- I haven't tried opening it that much) and whether I could knock out the screen, which I imagine would be the easy part but you never know with these fuckin houses

What would you do if you found out the last person you called was pregnant/got someone pregnant? .

Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? >> for some things, yeah

Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? >> I am never embarrassed to buy things

If a stranger went in your bedroom, would they be able to tell what gender you are from just looking at it? .

Are your parents gullible? .

Do you still own a VCR? >> I never owned one (VCRs were obsolete by the time I started being able to buy things)

About how much money have you spent on food in the past two weeks? >> around $300

If you were in a car accident would the last person you kissed care? .

If you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go? >> I have no idea, this is always a struggle for me

How much was the last pair of shoes you bought? >> it was a pair of Teva sandals and they were around $70

What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? >> silver, and no, Sparrow put it on their Best Buy credit card

Do you have a second home? >> took me a second to realise this is probably in the symbolic sense and not a more literal "I own two houses" sense lmao (answer's still no, though)

Would you be surprised if you saw the last person you texted smoking? .

Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? >> cigarette smell repulses me, which apparently is a common ex-smoker refrain. the smell of old beer (like you'll get when you pass by a can return station or a bar) is also repulsive

Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? .

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? >> well, of course

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? >> sure

Do you like waffles? >> I do

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive? >> I do, aesthetically

Would you talk to someone you don’t know on the internet? >> I talk to people I don't know on the internet all the time

How often do you drink Monster? >> never

Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? .

Do you like to buy those Warped Tour compilations? >> I never bought those

Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? >> I'm having a difficult time conceptualising exactly what you mean

Do you own a nightgown? >> I don't, I can't sleep in anything where my legs touch each other like that

Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box? >> haven't

Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom? >> haven't

Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone? .

Have you ever had sex or something like it? >> lol sure

Have you ever read a George Orwell book? >> I read 1984 a while ago but I didn't much care for it

Have you ever worn fishnets? >> many times

How many piercings and tattoos do you have? >> two piercings, three tattoos

Is someone in your family affected by Asperger’s? >> fascinated by this phrasing but it is an older survey so

In a hotel do you always nose through all the drawers and cupboards? >> I do if I remember

Do you always wear your seat belt? >> I do

Have you ever liked someone much older than you? .

Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about? >> I don't have any secrets per se but there are plenty of things people just never find out about me because it never comes up or we don't have that kind of relationship

Is there ice cream in your freezer? >> there is

Have you ever started to laugh but played it off as a cough successfully? >> lol yeah

Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? >> that's how I feel about the Mountain Goats

Does your bathroom have a window? >> it does, that was one of the criteria I was set on when we were apartment hunting. I like the ventilation but what I didn't count on was how fucking bright the bathroom would be all day because of the sunlight streaming in and bouncing off all the blindingly white surfaces :'|

Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? .

When you were younger did you read the A Series Of Unfortunate Events books? >> I didn't

Who was the last band you saw live? >> Scene Queen

Do you believe prayer really works? >> I don't have an opinion? like, the only thing that would really matter is if it worked for me, but I don't pray so it doesn't matter

Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes? >> amn't

Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? >> oh man... that's a tough one :/

Have you been on a date in the park? >> haven't

Ever dated someone you were best friends with first? >> sure

Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? >> probably, but I wouldn't be the one to ask about them

Do you have asthma? >> I do not

Are tongue piercings slutty? .

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? >> every human I think is hot is over the age of 40

Do you remember those cool highlighters that smelled like popcorn? >> this sounds vaguely familiar?

Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? >> I would enjoy that immensely

Have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? >> haven't, but I love reading what others have written

Least favorite alcoholic drink? >> hmm... not sure, actually. there's a lot of booze I'm just "meh" about but I can't think of one that straight up repulses me. unless it's really sweet drinks, maybe

Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke? >> Paul, yeah

How did you meet the last male you texted? .

Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? >> there is no possible way for me to be embarrassed by an email address

Do you and your dad get along? .

Can you see your purse right now? .

Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? >> just the remnants of the Mugler Alien dupe that I spray on sometimes (I think the last time I used it was last night)

Are there products in your hair? >> just whatever's left of the tea tree oil and jojoba oil I rubbed into my scalp two nights ago

When you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? >> sparingly, but yeah

Do you actually like sneezing? >> I don't like it, it's annoying and disruptive

Have you taken a shower yet today? >> haven't, will be in a couple of hours

Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? .

Do you wear skirts a lot? >> not a lot

Do you wear sweatpants a lot? >> more lounge pants than sweat pants

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? >> I have two pairs

Do you like hoodies? >> I do, I am almost always wearing one when it's not summer

Big ones or the form fitting kind? >> the big ones for lounging around in and layering, smaller ones for cute lil mild-weather outfits

Do you wear polo shirts a lot? >> I don't wear them at all

Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? >> I did not

Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? >> I am, because I don't really regret anything. when I do feel regret it's about really minor shit like "oh man I regret eating the ENTIRE bag of chickpea snacks" or whatever

Do you love your computer? >> I love both my computers very much

Do you drink coffee? >> I do, but not with any regularity (whereas I drink tea daily)

Do you basically like all of your clothes? >> I do like all of my clothes. I don't keep things I don't like, because I won't wear them and there's no point in them sitting in my closet taking up space and being visual clutter if I never wear them

Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? >> I shop by myself most often (except for groceries, which is a joint effort most of the time)

[hournites]

What did I miss? 

Hournite fic | Season 3

A/N: Get these two together already. I’m going to explode. 

~.~ 

“What did I miss?”

Rick walks into the Pit Stop from the side door, tossing his beat up school bag on a nearby stool. Nobody is here anymore. Courtney ditched, again, for Cameron presumably. Yolanda, pissed off, stalked away to go home and Sylvester and Mr. Dugan were out…somewhere.

“Nothing much.” The file of notes she’s compiled of their investigation is barely enough to warrant its own folder. She clicks x on the top of the webpage encrypted with a password and Beth glances up from her laptop. Her bright smile wobbles into a laugh. Rick has streaks of dirt all over his face. ���How did the burial go?” 

Rick lets out a confused chuckle of his own, sitting in the chair next to her. Their knees brushed. “How’d you know I…?” 

Beth points at his face. 

“Oh.” 

She goes to fetch a wet paper towel from the sink area where Pat fixes up after work. She wipes the brown grime from his cheek and forehead. There’s a lot of it, and the more she rubs, the more it smears. She asks, “What is your plan, exactly, if you do reanimate Grundy?” 

“Uh...” 

The paper towel presses a little deeper against his skin. “You do have a plan, right?” 

“Yeah…?” That’s a no.  

Beth sighs. “You’ll have to take care of him. He’s…big.” 

“I know that.” He sounds impatient but it’s not in a condescending way. Beth knows Rick gets caught up in the moment. Right now he’s got a one tracked-mind and it is all about bringing Solomon Grundy back to life. He feels guilty that he summoned the monster only for Eclipso to end him. And frustrated that it’s taking so long to revive him. But what Beth worries about is how Rick will handle juggling single parenting a zombie-monster, fixing his hourglass, and figuring out how to scrape through school well enough for a shot at college.  “At this point, I don’t think it even matters.” 

Beth pats his cheek scrubbed pink with her free hand as he grumbles. “You’ll figure it out.” She smiles and brushes away the last spec of dirt with her thumb. “All better.” 

Rick’s gaze softens. He catches her wrist as it pulls away, halting it in the air. “Beth?” 

Her breath hitches at the way Rick’s eyes won’t move from hers. Intense and warm, and so handsome. “Yes?” 

“I need to tell you something.”

Her heart jumps in her chest. She wills herself to calm down. There’s no way of knowing what Rick will say to her. It’s probably not what she thinks. “What is it?”

“I drink.” 

“What?” 

“I drink,” Rick says, and it takes Beth a lengthy moment to understand he is referring to the first time Cindy walked into the Pit Stop. “At least, I used to. It’s been a while, but...” He swallows, his eyes pleading for her to give him a chance. “I needed it sometimes? Just enough to blur the edges off a bad day. So I wasn’t stuck in my head. I thought you knew I sold kegs.” 

“Because you needed money, I thought…” 

“Yeah. But I still drank. And I wouldn’t get as drunk as my uncle but he always had beer at home. Beer is the one thing we always had.” 

“Oh,” Beth replies weakly. Her voice cracks at the pain she feels behind his words. “Why are you telling me this now?” 

“You said we don’t drink to Cindy. I don’t want you to think I’m someone I’m not.” 

“Why not?” 

His leg starts to bounce nervously as his cheeks flush. “I just don’t want you disappointed with me anymore than you already are.”

“You think I’m disappointed with you?”

“I don’t trust Cindy. Or Artemis and her parents. Or the Gambler’s intents before he died. And The Shade’s advice is a load of bull. And every time I have to talk to Mahkent you get this look on your face and I know you want me to try but I can’t turn this switch off inside my chest that’ll magically make me believe all the shit these people do are okay.” 

“I never said that I think what they do is okay. And I believe you about Cameron.” 

He pauses. “You do?” 

Beth nods. “Courtney lied and said she had a headache in the group chat but Chuck pinged her location at the Mahkent estate.” 

He rolls his eyes lightly.

“But I don’t know them as well. Not the way I know you. It’s different.” Beth catches his clean face in her hands. “I understand why you drank.” 

“You do?”

“Rick...” 

He reacts to Beth’s split-second decision kiss with a sharp breath through his nose. His back presses against the edge of the table behind them, right elbow sliding against its smooth surface as Beth is greeted with his other hand snaking its way around her waist. Her own stool rolls forward as he pulls her close. Kissing Rick is not what Beth expected to do when he walked in, but she can’t say she’s never thought of this before. 

“I didn’t know you wanted that,” he replies breathlessly. “Or, I would’ve…” 

Beth arches a playful brow, scooting over until she’s half on his lap. “Spent more time with me this summer instead of shovelling a body into the ground over and over again in the light of the full moon?” 

Rick fixes her an unamused look with no heat. Instead of responding, he leans in again. Beth gazes down at his mouth before her lips are captured in another meltingly slow kiss. Two in one day and dare Beth say it might compete with reading for her favourite pass time. 

“Making out in the Pit Stop? Really?” 

Beth startles as Rick stiffens. His gaze slides to the floor. 

Mr. Dugan walks in, clumsily thumbing at the iPhone Sylvester bought him then shoving it into his pant pocket. “I thought this was supposed to be a JSA meeting.” 

“It was,” Beth says, sheepish. 

“And since when did this start happening?” He flaps a hand between the two teens as though “this” was a living, breathing organism that might jump out at him. 

“Just now?” Rick reluctantly loosens his hold from her waist. Beth climbs out of his lap and returns to her own chair.

Mr. Dugan side-eyes them for a long awkward moment. Beth presses down the nonexistent creases from her jeans as Rick’s kiss replayed in her mind before giving Courtney’s step-dad her best-behaved-JSA-member smile. 

“Alright, well, Sly is headed on over here to take another spin with STRIPE.” 

“We’ll leave.” Rick hauls Beth up with his hand and then doesn’t let go. His hand isn’t soft. Beth doesn’t care. It still sends tingles to her toes. Beth bites the inside of her cheek so that her happy grin won’t explode across her face. “Do you need to be home now?” 

She shakes her head. “Please no. Anywhere but home.” 

Rick cocks a hopeful eyebrow at her. “Richie’s, then?” 

“Mr. Tyler are you asking me out on a date?” 

“Do you want it to be a date?” 

“I think I do.” She turns behind to call out to Mr. Dugan as Rick gives her another light squeeze. “Have fun with Starman!” 

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Are there any candid moments that we can say as Cockles? Most of them could be for PR so behind the camera is more believable?

by "candid" i'm guessing you mean like, not in front of the spn cameras, not on stage, not on the red carpet, not stuff they post on social media? there's... yeah, there's a lot of stuff. 😆 i can compile a some things from my masterlist, though an exhaustive list would take a long time.

(i'm going to include things that are obviously spontaneous, interactions with fans, and unprompted actions at cons, since i don't think misha drawing hearts on a picture of jensen could be reasonably called 'pr'. i could make arguments to include other things, but i'll abide by the already stated rules lmao.)

the matching bracelets/first ring jensen gave misha | more ring photos | better view of the bracelets/charm

another ring jensen gave misha | bonus 

matching necklaces jensen bought

the story of jensen draping his whole body around misha while misha signed autographs + blurry photo

the family ice cream date

jensen kissing misha just behind the green room door at jib3 2012

eyes like the sky beer

wrote “yum” on cas fanart

reprimanding jared for giving misha thumbs down

leaving the bathroom together?? (after jensen already left another bathroom, then went in with misha to another bathroom)

face stroking

calling jensen “sweetheart” | misha calling jensen “jens”

“you’re asking jensen to hit on me? that’s definitely something he will easily do.”

drew hearts all over jensen’s face

draping himself on jensen’s shoulder

“nice ass”

showing up late, again

jensen massaging misha’s shoulders while they arrive late

gently bullying each other

“you drew the black penis?”

jensen asked misha to autograph his sign

sdcc: jensen tucking money in misha’s belt

mouthing each other’s punchlines

“do a little show for us” | video

“that’s the part that’s too gay for you?”

photo op with jensen’s hand inside misha’s jacket | another one

report that misha has said jensen comes over to “fix stuff” around his house

heart & arrow autograph

okay i lied, this was fairly exhaustive. again, i could argue for adding some more stuff that's clearly unplanned, but i'll just leave this be as it is.

[a-froger-epic]

Interview with a Queen “groupie”

Cross-posted to AO3. I encourage you to leave any comments you have there.

---

I compiled this interview following a long email exchange with J, a very sweet lady who went to Ealing Art School between 1972 and 1974. She knew all four members of Queen personally and was part of their larger circle of friends.

First off, you may find this hard to believe. I don’t blame you. But I assure you I’m not pulling your leg. As well as the pictures I share in this post, I have seen current pictures of J (which I will not share to protect her privacy). There is no indication as far as I am aware that she isn’t who she says she is.

Nastally, hold up. How exactly did you find this lady?

She found me. It turns out that she has been following my story Dawn of Aquarius for quite some time. The story is set in 1969. A lot of research about the era went into it, because I wanted to portray that time period - and Freddie’s and Roger’s surroundings - as accurately and realistically as I possibly could. That was what drew J in. She tells me it brought back a lot of memories for her. One of the reasons I love DoA so much is the nostalgia, she says, which genuinely means the world to me. Eventually, she talked to me in the comment section. Of course, I freaked out!

And then, I asked her for an interview, to which she replied: I will give it a go, but you must remember that I am 65 and there were great drugs in the 70s, and at 16, away from home, I had a lot!

And so...

Here’s what is IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND when you read this interview.

These are one woman’s 50-year-old memories and subjective impressions. J has been incredibly kind to let me pick her brain, trying to recall everything as best as she can. In her own words:

Just remember that when I answer the questions, it is from a 16-year-old who is 9 years younger than Freddie and a little girl with no family and friends in a strange country trying to fit in. The only reason I was there, was because some hippie thought I had a unique art style.

---

J as a teenager.

[I have edited the interview together from our long, and somewhat messy at times, email exchange. Typos have been fixed and some punctuation added for clarity, but I have not changed anything J has written to me. Again, bear in mind these are personal opinions and impressions.]

So, J, how did you end up at Ealing Art School in 1972 and what was it like?

This was the painting done for the Australian school-leaving certificate.

It placed first and gave me a scholarship. I could pick France, the USA or England. As a dual citizen of the UK, the choice was easy. The scholarship paid for board and fees, so had to be and sell whatever for spending money.

This picture is from the dorm. We all had a 10pm curfew and a very thick rule book that, I am proud to say, I broke every one of them, one by one. The rooms were on the 1st and 2nd floor. We were on the first floor, rooms one side and admin staff the other end. We had two bathrooms for 18 girls. One of them had two baths. The walls were your standard half wall, so it was a given that if you had a bath you run the risk of having a bucket of cold water dropped on you. Downstairs was the kitchen and lounge room.

I want to ask you a few things about life in London in the early 70s, to get a picture of what it was really like. For example, was there alcohol at the music gigs you went to?

If it was a school, church or community hall, no. If it was a pub, yes.

Did you and your friends drink as much then as young people tend to drink now when you all went out?

No, we didn't. I think it had a lot to do with money. We didn't have the disposable income, and it was unheard of to still be living at home with the parents after the age of 20.

Was weed and LSD as big and easily accessible as depictions of the 60s and 70s would have us believe?

The drugs! Got to have drugs. Pot (weed) was easy to grow, very cheap. Used to smoke it in bongs rather than joints, more bang for your buck. Trips [LSD] were cheap, I think. About 2 pounds and you were on the high for over 24 hours with no sleep. My drug of choice was hash. Either the oil or the block. It was a nice high, but you could not function well. But if you listen to the music of the time it really does reflect what it was like, to have a group of friends over for a session. Having said all that the most outlandish and shocking drug I ever saw anyone use was the birth control pill. Didn't you have to hide that stuff away?!

Can you tell us some 70s slang that isn’t really in use anymore? What in the world does “ultra-blagging” mean? (As written in a letter penned by Freddie to his friend Celine in 1969.)

Abso-bloody-lootely!

Man, I thought I was the bees knees to be on a scholarship in London. But that didn't stop me from jigging or having a skive day. They were the days that I blagged my way into a pub, had too many lagers and ended up chundering in the gutter. That was how you knew your night was ace. I would get a right bollocking if anyone found out. It would be a bugger when all that you could find at a car boot sale was chavtastic, but sometimes you could be Jammy Dodger and tickety-boo you find something brilliant. Bob's your uncle. Anyways, I need to see a man about a dog.

[It seems to me that J uses a bit of Australian slang here, like chundering, which makes sense because she is, after all, Australian. She also provided the translation:]

Cheers

J

It would be my honour.

I felt very privileged to be given a scholarship that let me study in England. But being so young and having no family to guide me, it was often tempting to not turn up or give a false excuse for being sick. (I had a lot of food poisoning). These would often happen if the night before I had been drinking beer and ended up vomiting outside the pub. But in my young mind that was a good night. If any of the teachers found me drinking I would be in a lot of trouble. Often I would have to say I was holding it for someone else. Not having much clothes with me, I would buy them second hand from church jumble sales or other students and, yes, Kensington market (the market). Some of the stuff would not be very tasteful or in good condition. But sometimes you would find something that was cheap and in good condition. I will stop this text now as I must go to the toilet.

PS: Ultrablagging sounds very Freddie. Blagging was used, but not ultra, meaning to persuade someone to do something or act better than you are. They were always rock stars.

Sincerely

J

[It was at this point that I realised I was talking to an absolute legend. She also told me then that the majority of her old photographs had sadly been lost when her house was flooded in 1988, including most of the photographs from her stay in London. Noooo! :(]

When you went out to dance, did you have only live music? Were there DJs yet?

You know, that is hard. We did not have a DJ. Sometimes there would be a band. Often we looked for places with a band or the jukebox. I think pubs closed at 10pm and some stayed open to 12 or 1, but public transport stopped at 9. So if you had not arranged a lift then you had to make the last bus. Most of the time we would be heading back to someone's place to get stoned and then crash there. In the morning you would have to work out where you were. When I got back to Australia, the discos were all the rage. They could have been in London too but it was not cool to like disco.

How many people would show up to Queen’s gigs when they played in pubs or at, for example, the Imperial College?

Depending on the location and the night: 10 to 1000!

So how did you first meet the Queen boys?

I was at the pub talking about a band we saw last week when Brian stuck his head into our booth telling us he knew a better one. Thinking about seeing them at the stall... Roger not often, Freddie quite a lot. Often on different stalls, I think that is why I can't remember the name. [The name of the stall. Other sources confirm that Freddie also worked at Alan Muir’s stall, for example, selling shoes.]

How well did you know them?

Just looking at your tumblr account. [she has had a look at my blog, where somebody asked if ‘groupie’ meant she had slept with the band] No, I never slept with the boys. I would not say I was a close friend, but I started at Ealing Art College in ‘72 and moved in the same circles. I loved the music and could be called one of the first groupies. I had to sneak into the pubs because I was 16. Roger always teased me for being so young. They all did seem to be one very large family, not just the band. It was a group of about twenty regulars, both male and female. Everyone knew that Fred was too gay to function. We were all at the gay rights march in London in 1972, had to run after the march. Lots of sharpies [Australian slang: youth gang, thugs] wanting to bash us. Back then I was in every protest that was going, student union rights, even the secretary protest. Just part of the times, stick it to Man or Woman. I left London in ‘74 for Australia, been here ever since and lost track of the boys but have never stopped being a fan.

What do you remember about them? How would you describe their personalities?

Don’t let the trolls hate me, but I did not like Brian. I found him to be rather full of himself. Space was a subject you never brought up around Brian or you would die of old age before he stopped talking. He was always the first to speak and start a conversation and then quickly passed you off to John, who was always tired and shy. Roger was also quite shy at times. He was very self-conscious of his looks, as he felt being pretty, nobody would take him seriously. Fred, well, he was not yet the big star, so I think he was working on his stage persona. When talking to groups at parties, he had the best stories of things that had happened to him or close friends. They were very funny and very descriptive. He was the life of the party. When he had a few to drink or was the centre of attention, he would take a cigarette out of the closest person’s hand and start smoking. Now remember this is the point of view of a 16-year-old girl that was a fish out of water, trying to fit in and not having much worldly experience.

It is said that Freddie and Roger were very stylish. How did they dress in everyday life?

Fred would do his hair and makeup to check the mail. Yes, he was always turned out, but so were a lot of people. Freddie did go over the top with hats, scarfs and jewellery. With Roger, it is a surprise he was able to have kids his jeans were that tight. And his shirts were always open unless he was in a jumper. I think it could have been so that you knew he was male, as it was the start of the unisex clothing. When I travelled out of London I realised it was a London thing. When I got back to Australia everyone thought I was a show-off.

There are some disagreements about how tall especially Freddie was. I know this is a difficult thing to try and remember accurately. But do you remember?

Freddie was taller than me but everyone was. Roger was shorter than Fred, but I never saw Roger in platform shoes. I did meet up with the band by chance at Sydney airport in 1984, said ‘hello’ but they did not remember me, or if they did then they did not say anything and I did not want to be a dork. At that time Fred was the same height as me (5ft 8in/1.72m), Roger was taller than me. It made me think at the time that he had a growth spurt! John was shorter than me and Brian has always been tall. [I have a feeling the platform shoes - or lack thereof - played a vital role here! Although 172cm for Freddie seems likely.]

You said everyone knew Freddie was “too gay to function”. Attitudes towards homosexuality have changed so much that it can be hard for us, now, to fathom what exactly people must have thought of him. Was it more of a joke that he was so camp? Was it something he would have been teased for? Also, he had a girlfriend. Did you ever meet Mary or the other girlfriends?

In 1972 a whole group of us - and I am pretty sure that Fred, Roger, Brian and Tim were there - were in a gay pride march. [Since then, J has found and showed me a picture of a boy she thought was Tim Staffel, and it wasn't, so Tim was most definitely not there. Whether Freddie, Roger and Brian really were there or if J is misremembering, who knows?] Us youth believed you could not choose who you fell in love with and if it was same sex, so what? However, if it was two girls then it was every guy’s duty to change her!

It was also a time that the gayer the guy was, the more the girls were interested. Also, if a guy was gay then you did not have to worry about him and he was a good person to take with you if you were going out drinking. However, the police, parents, teachers and anyone of authority were horrified and treated them badly. I did meet Mary a couple of times at pubs and once after a gig. This is just my opinion, but I found her a bitch. It could be that I was so young. It could be that I was very Australian. It could be that she felt threatened as my accent was a magnet to people around. And the boys (Queen) were no exception. Brian had a cousin in OZ and was always asking questions. I remember that my close group of friends thought that Mary made the perfect girlfriend for Fred as they were as fake as each other. Having said that about them, I often wonder if I would think the same now and if my perceptions were just because she would not give me the time of Day. Chrissy and Jo were a lot of fun.

This was before your time, but I read that Freddie's nickname at Ealing Art School was ‘Freddie Baby’. Any ideas how this came about? His showmanship or maybe personality traits?

I don't think so. There were an older crowd that would talk like that. I think the slang ‘baby’ was a 60’s thing, like groovy baby.

How long, roughly, did Roger and Freddie have their stall? I can't find anywhere when it closed down. What did it actually look like? Was it a sort of wooden stall type of thing? Or an actual room? What were some of the other things people sold at Kensington Market? Mostly clothes or all sorts?

The markets were little divided shops. The back was brick and the walls wood. I have been trying all day to remember the name. [Of the stall.] I think it was something hard to say. More often than not it would be Freddie's dad in the store. It was still open when I left. Roger and Freddie were both in the store on Saturdays and some Sundays. There was a girl, I think Jill, who was in the store more. And during the week it could be anyone. You name it and you could get it at the markets. Second hand or designer clothes, shoes, jewellery, pot and assortments. Hair cuts, food, bric-a-brac.

Wait, wait. What? Freddie’s dad? Really now?

Yeah, it was an older Indian man. so we just assumed it was his father. It was my understanding that he started the stall then the boys would work it as the whole markets were set up for younger people, but if needed he would work there. I don't think the boys would be able to pay the rent on their own. [I have since found out that the stall closed in late 1971, and Freddie continued to work at the Market until '74, for Alan Mair and possibly others. So the stall J witnessed wasn't their original stall - explaining all the different people she saw there - but she had no way of knowing that it wasn't.] They always had incense burning that was very big in the 70s. I still occasionally bring out the sticks, but it does not last like the candles and diffusers of today. If you could get in touch with Robert Daniels, he ran ChaChaDumDum it was the stall across from Freddie. He would know the dates.

[J says it’s this look, in a picture she happened across while looking at my tumblr] Yep, that is the one. It usually means that he does not believe or agree with something that was said and is working out how to respond, or he has lost the plot.

You mentioned Roger seemed shy to you at times. Was he also quite charming? We read a lot about what a chick magnet he was. Was this the impression you had?

My favorite subject! I had a thing for Roger. Everyone has a type and mine is the blue-eyed blond. Now, before you ask, was he brunet? No, he was a mouse/dirty blond. If it was summer he would have blond streaks mostly at the ends. He knew he was pretty and was always dressed in the latest fashion and had the current hairstyle. So, being my type I was constantly watching him. Everyone slept around during that time. I did not notice Roger doing it more or less. 80% of the time he was with Jo. Yes, he was a chick magnet, but he did not do the chasing. He was always very polite to everyone. If it ever looked like there would be any conflict he would be the first to leave it. It was not that he was a coward, just not into conflict. If he saw anyone that needed help he was right there, and often had to have Freddie's back. I never saw him in a fight. He could always talk his way out of things. He was also very patient and would listen for hours to other people talk. However, he would get this vacant look in his eyes at times.

And Freddie would either click his fingers, change the subject or just give up. I don’t think that Brian noticed, and it would be fair game for John, he would see how far he could push it. Roger liked to drink a fair bit and when drunk he would be hanging all over Jo. If she was not there then he missed Jo. If, however, he thought that he or his friends were not being respected, then look out! It was a verbal volcano heading your way. That is what happened to me one time. I was trying to talk with my friends close to where a drunken Roger was and I yelled at him to shut the hell up, you wannabe blond. We/I coped a mouthful back, all in the same sentence, that finished with: Sorry, I didn't realise you were on your rags (period)! I have to have the last word, so I told him the truth: I don’t get them yet! (I was a late starter.) He went so red in the face and called me JB [jail bait] from then.

You also mentioned Roger’s cat Ziggy having kittens. I read about this but never when exactly it was. Do you remember?

I think it was winter ‘73. I remember being cold when he was asking around the pub. [To find homes for the kittens, I gather.]

Is it quite strange reading fictional interpretations of real people you knew? When did you first find out there was Queen fanfic?

No, we used to make up stories about people all the time, a verbal fanfic. Was looking up Adam Lambert and came across the fanfics. Some had me in stitches! Others, like DoA, had me hooked.

Please, allow me to be a little self-indulgent at the end. What's one thing I got totally RIGHT in DoA?

All the Ibex stuff.

What's one thing I got totally WRONG in DoA?

Roger did not have a temper, and I don’t know what the go with his father was, but he would talk about him quite a bit and was always visiting his mum. [Absolutely fair, not only did I change the timeline of Roger’s parents divorce in DoA - for lack of information at the time - but also created a completely fictional narrative around it for the sake of storytelling.]

J, thank you so much for all this, sincerely. Can you tell me a little more about yourself? Are you still an artist?

I don't paint or draw any more. At the age of a 50 the doctors operated on an aneurysm or three, and now my eyesight is very bad, I have no fine motor skills and a tremor. I was married in January 1984 and have just celebrated our 37 year anniversary. I have one daughter who is 30 and two great, although tiring grandkids. A girl, 11, and one boy, 5. I have lived my life as the average middle class Australian with great memories. Talking with you has helped me a lot to remember a time when the world was mine for the taking. When I returned to OZ I started nursing, met my best friend, and we planned that once we graduated we would go back to London to study midwifery. But I fell in love instead.

J's wedding in 1984. As you can see, she found her own blue-eyed blond.

---

Upon request, J has shared some of her past and present artwork with me.

These are from her time at Ealing Art School:

These were done later, back in Australia:

J: Did this just before Christmas as you had inspired me. It did not require fine motor skills!

So there you have it! I hope you found this little glimpse through a 16-year-old girl’s eyes as much of a fascinating read as I did. I urge everybody one more time to remember that J did not have to share any of this, and I think we all owe her a big thank you for delving into her memories. She is likely to see the responses on AO3, so I have comment moderation enabled there as I will not let anybody harass this lovely lady. The tumblr she created is @since72, but she isn’t really an active user and also very new to it all. Again, I can only urge everybody to be respectful.

If you have other burning question for J, feel free to leave them in the comments on AO3. I will either pass them on, or she may want to reply to them herself directly.

[highoncaffeineheadcanons]

HypMic characters as random stuff my classmates/teachers said

My grade is currently compiling a lot of random/funny/out of context quotes that have been said by students and teachers throughout the school year. Some of them reminded me so much of certain characters that I couldn't help myself, so I thought I'd share this.

---

Samatoki, in the process of losing an argument and running out of evidence to back up his position: “A lot of people think, but sometimes they are WRONG!”

“I hope all of you have had parents.” -Ramuda

Rosho (to his students): “I have good news and bad news. You can decide which is which: I have corrected your exams, but you won’t get them back yet.”

Dice (about a math exam): “I only guessed wrong on the guessing exercise!”

“Paradise… coffee, rum and beer.” -Hitoya

Ramuda (cheerful): „Hey hey, good morning everyone :)”

Gentaro: “The door is locked. Could you please open it for us?”

Ramuda: *tries for 2 seconds and fails*

Dark Ramuda: “How the **** does this **** open, I swEAR TO GOD I WILL- “

“I won’t write anything about my balls while I’m logged into the school network, they’ll sell that to the NSA!” -Sasara

Dice: „That’s garbage.”

Gentaro: „I can’t see any garbage in this painting, the thing on the bottom looks like fire to me, and-”

Dice: “No, I mean, the whole painting is garbage.”

„Either we live long enough to discover eternal life… or we die before that.” -Jakurai

“I don’t care where you’re going!” “-no, wait, don’t leave!!!“ -Jyushi

“Every cent is worth money.” –Hitoya

Hifumi: “As if it’s already lunchtime again! For how long have we been sitting here doing bullsh*t?”

Doppo: “For all our lives.”

“I live in the 18th century, I’m driving a 30 year old car and have NO online banking!” -Gentaro

“Listen, penguins are basically built like people. They’re long, they have a small head…” -Riou

“Those mitochondria look like steaks.” -Riou

“I need a punching bag and a vodka.” -Samatoki

“I’m glad I found my underwear this morning.” -Dice

“I’m eating 3 mozzarella cheese sticks a week… I mean, yeah, I can understand why people would become religious.” -Jiro

Jyushi: “What name do Jewish people use for God?”

Kuko: “Buddha. No wait-“

“Before I die, there is a moment in which I am dead.” -Doppo

[nosebleedclub]

The Dark Suburb

((Posting again because the original post on June 11th, 2017 6:09pm is no longer available due to me deleting and re-making this blog.))

This is a compilation post of Nosebleed Club prompts from 2015-16 revolving around the concept of “the dark suburb.” 

Family Melodrama

something is wearing your mother

oh god his intestines strung up on the christmas tree

your dog’s body all over the house

banging on cellar doors

a creaking sound in your dead sister’s bedroom

warriors with spears and shields painted on the dining room ceiling of a violent family’s mansion

a woman in an expensive coat and an expensive car headed to her nephew’s funeral

coming home to a completely alien mother

getting a doberman on christmas morning that won’t let you leave the house

the reason your parents fled the city to live in the suburbs

summers in palermo where your father was looking for something

mother’s breakdown in the supermarket

the supernatural car you and your twin got for your 16th birthday

parents strangely and deeply interested in the boyfriend you brought home

a mom urging her son to quit basketball; she senses something is not right

all the holes - dozens of them - your mother dug in your backyard

grandparents hiding the reason your parents are away during your winter holiday break

your best friend doesn’t want to go to your house anymore

grandpa’s ghost followed us into the new house

dad hates her bc she killed her twin in the womb and then her mother

Do I Love You?

your boyfriend’s basketball shorts, his boy-aroma, his ghost between your legs when you watch the video of his last game

girls kissing in a gas station convenience store and a third recording them on snapchat

the boy you like drawing flowers on your ap biology practice test when you switch tests with him to grade

walking across a supermarket parking lot by yourself thinking of a boy you love

red mouth

girlfriend scrubbing the blood off her arms in the bathtub

in a tiny white house in florida, sitting on a beer-can-covered counter, legs spread apart, a boy between them

in a drug-induced haze i left home for his semi truck

he never fucked me without his ski mask on

a girl and a girl and claw marks on the door“don’t ever take me back”

The Occult

the incantation that annihilated a whole suburb

a body that drags other bodies into an oven

the witches gathering in the red lake

inhuman sacrifice

dogs gathered at the edge of town refusing to cross the boundary to the outside

a 10 year old girl with memories of a serial killing spree that occurred when her parents were children

white shirts hanging on branches all over the woods

the town of three-eyed children

arrows raining down on a soccer field

feeding time

mysterious scratch marks on your back

a fairy ring in the field where your sister disappeared

Crimes

just throw it in the back

snap!

we found the body but not the head

clearing in the forest where police found a blessed severed head

jar of baby teeth as evidence

children dressed as angels at the crime scene

seeing a face you thought you buried ten years ago at the supermarket

half a fraternity frozen under a lake

fbi agents rolling into a tiny town in appalachia

a severed arm among the hydrangeas

young men howling on the bridge one year after the murder

police cars prowling through your neighborhood, one after another - watching this from your bedroom window

Teen Dream

getting whipped by a towel in the locker room

best friend making the varsity tennis team

taking a shot of vodka in the bathroom after second period

boy gets a boner during gym class

“i’ll be like helicase i’ll unzip them genes (jeans)”

drunkenly reciting the quadratic equation

fear-mongering homecoming queen

track star died in a car accident

dead bodies photography club

“sorry i fucked up here’s some ice cream” “i’m lactose intolerant you douche”

article about demonic possession in the school newspaper

last pool party before summer ends & her hand on your thigh in your dad’s sports car

the first day back from summer vacation & someone in your friend group brings the whole #squad starbucks

a bonfire, lana del rey & drake blasting, the moon

weekend road trips to the ocean

walking around on the track alone, contemplating some philosophical concept you read about on tumblr the night before

coming out to someone completely random - a junior varsity basketball player

the last homecoming dance

lying on the track at your high school after sunset

getting picked up really early in the morning to go on a spontaneous weekend road trip

the sunday after the homecoming dance where you’re kinda tired kinda still energetic from the night before

inside a fast food restaurant drinking milkshakes eating fries until it closes

chill basement party where there’s white balloons gold confetti / glitter two girls who love each other kissing

sitting in the backseat your parents occupying the front of the car you look out the window you see the rural countryside crawl by

pool pizza party at night simple pleasures like that

on the bleachers during a powderpuff football game

sweating so much you might as well have been swimming it would be embarrassing but all the other boys are sweaty too

lost in the suburbs at like 5am and the world is still pale blue

lost in the city at 5pm the sun sinks its head behind skyscrapers

fights on the lawn of an all boys private school

applying makeup the morning after a breakup

huge friend group made up of oracles + boys’ swim team + legendary heroes + valedictorian

aesthetic blogging on a sunday afternoon just chillin in your bedroom

feeling like you could be something big if you work hard enough at it

getting psychoanalyzed by your teachers and parents and extended family

school bathroom pale blue tiles

a dream with damien hirst-esque elements

sleepover at your friend’s villa and you’re the only one awake

looking out at a black sea from your dead cousin’s bedroom window, seeing a light in the distance

funeral mass

chill that runs down your friends’ spines when you enter the classroom the morning after they tried to kill you

the sickness that spreads through the high school

sometimes i was a body in a dump sometimes i was a saint

he said he’d snapchat my burning body to all his friends

my body was evidence she was trying to get rid of

poison disguised as an eighteen year old

a world war between us

$$$

first: “super rich kids” by frank ocean

fast cars flecked with blood

girls who know you won’t be prosecuted if you’re young and rich and pretty enough

snapchat of a boy with red eyes and a glass of dom perignon with the text IS MY LIFE FUCKING REAL

snapchat of a girl’s dad’s black amex with the words MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS BUT IT GETS CLOSE

taking your middle-class friends out to nice restaurants but knowing they’re with you mainly for the money

“dude i know you’re only a year older than me but sometimes i think of you as my sugar daddy”

traveling to punta del este to find yourself but losing yourself instead

identifying heavily with the versace logo

an imperial bedroom and all one feels is the weight of all that empty space

“even my funeral has to be luxurious”

Hometown Visions

three dead owls on the side of the road

trees bare, houses barren

lanterns lit up on the dirt road at night

moths in a forgotten shed

a dusty old attic filled with dead rats and flies

seeing half your face in a splintered mirror. washing machine making dangerous sounds

midwest: watching a tornado funnel form from a window that won’t shut all the way

grass in the yard growing tall

girls carrying stray cats home

a cellar door swinging open and a man you never wanted to see ever again stepping through it, into the light

snake skins and insect carapaces organized on a torn mattress

a lovely place god abandoned

bat-filled house at the end of the street

a girl crawling out of a burning car

birds in jars

Hide & Seek

not being able to find anyone in a dark forest because they actually left you and it was just a cruel prank

person seeking you is something much worse than what you thought they were

being trapped in your hiding space & no one can find you no matter how loud you call for help

hiding in your friend’s house and finding evidence of a vile crime their parents committed

finding half of your friend

[officialwittek]

pt. 2

*gif is not mine* 

word count: 1,987 

“SAGE” a voice yells, my eyes shoot open and I fall out of the bed, David laughs loudly holding his vlog camera

“Fuck you” I groan, standing up I notice I was changed and all my makeup was taken off

“Wow I was so productive even while drunk, I even took my makeup off bitches” I say, collecting my things off the floor and plugging my phone into the charger

“Nah, it was Jeff. You passed out after taking shots with Zane and Ilya. So he carried you into Natalie’s room and took care of you before he left” David explained, tucking his camera under his arm

“Oh nice, where’s Natalie?” I ask, putting on some shorts and walking to the kitchen with David

“She went to get coffee for everyone” He says, I laugh quietly seeing all of our friends passed out on the floor or the couch

“I guess I’ll make breakfast. Then I’ll help clean after we eat” I say, David nods and follows me to the kitchen

I grab some eggs, bacon, and pancake mix and start making breakfast for everyone. I notice Jeff and Todd aren’t here and assume they went to work out so I make extra food just in case they come by after. I shoot Jeff a text and ask him but I just get left on read. Weird. I pout a little and David suddenly takes my phone.

“Why did Jeff leave you on read?” He asks, I shrug and David takes out his own phone and texts him and of course gets an immediate response

“Interesting, whatever. I ain’t tripping ‘bout no hoe” I say, spooning the scrambled eggs into a big bowl

After I finished making breakfast, Natalie walks in with the coffee, Todd helping her carry everything. Our friends wake up one by one and join us in the kitchen

“Sage, baby marry me” Zane says, I laugh and take everyones empty plates and put them in the dishwasher

“Baby.. you couldn’t pay me enough money” I reply, our group laughing even harder

I wash the dishes while Matt helps me put them away. He also offers to help me clean the rest of the house. I take the soiled couch blankets and throw them in the wash while Matt takes the trash out. I grab the empty beer cans, solo cups, and hard liquor bottles and take them to the recycling and trash. After about an hour we had David’s house looking as nice as possible. I say bye to David and Natalie before Matt and I head our separate ways for the afternoon.

I finally get home and take a shower. Cleaning David’s house had me in the mood to be productive and Carly was probably with Erin I open our curtains and play some music over the speakers. Quietly singing to myself I take my laundry and start separating the loads before throwing the first one in. I walk to the kitchen and start cleaning out our fridge. Expired foods, old take out, nasty old fruits and veggies. After that I compile a grocery list and send a quick text to Carly to see if she needs anything, she sends me a handful of items and tells me to let her know how much she should PayPal me. I wash the dishes and put everything in their respected cabinets. After a few hours of cleaning and washing laundry, I get dressed to run errands.

I choose some brown patchwork jeans, a white tank top, a chocolate brown oversized zip up jacket with my white Air Force ones. I throw my hair in a ponytail and text Jeff.

Sage: Hi bub, ik you left me on read, but do you want to run errands with me?

Jeff: nah i’m good.

I sigh in annoyance and shove my phone in my purse. I grab my keys and walk down to the parking lot. I get a text from Corinna and Natalie asking if they can tag along with me since they’re bored and I agree, the three of us meeting at David’s house. After they pile into my Honda Civic and we go to the grocery store.

“So.. what’s got you all annoyed?” Corinna asks, I realize my eyebrows have been furrowed the whole time

“Jeff keeps leaving me on read or he’s being dry. Even at breakfast he didn’t even acknowledge me. I mean what the fuck. I would never ever do that to him. The fuck is his problem” I whine, grabbing a carton of oat milk

“Well you did kiss him last night and you haven’t said anything” Nat points out, my eyes widen and my jaws go slack, the two girls giggle at my expression  

“I k-kissed him? I mean shit go me, but now I feel like an asshole” I ask, turning to them and I sigh

“I’m never drinking again” I reply, making them laugh. After a bit more shopping we all go to pay for our stuff.

We stop by my apartment and they help me put the groceries away. We all go back to Dave’s house and hang out for a bit. I start editing some pictures I took for my instagram. While editing Todd, Jeff, Zane, Carly, and Erin walk in. They all come up to me and give me a hug, well except a certain someone. I’ll admit I feel like an asshole about not saying anything but I didn’t know it pissed him off that much. I text and ask if we can talk in the studio and he leaves me on read right in front of my eyes.

I roll my eyes and just sit at the kitchen island alone. Mindlessly scrolling through my phone as I hear some people approaching me. I turn and see Mariah, Carly, and Erin. They immediately knew something was up, my eyebrows were furrowed so we walk outside to my car.

“It’s fucking Jeff. So Nat and Corinna told me what happened last night and I obviously felt bad. So I texted Jeff about five minutes and asked him if we could talk in the podcast studio for a bit and he left me on read. He probably hates me now. He’s been ignoring me all day” I cry, Mariah rubs my shoulder to help console me

“I’m not going out with you guys tonight. I think I’m just going to stay home” I say, the three of them nod

“Well then all the girls are coming over tonight. I hate seeing princess peach being sad” Mariah says, princess peach is her nickname for me since I love anything to do with peaches and everyone treats me like a princess since I’m the youngest member

“Finee, bring wine and I’ll make pasta” I say, finally letting a small smile appear as we head back to the house

“Where the fuck did you guys go?” Heath asks, wrapping his arms around Mariah as I pretend to throw up

“We went to make out real quick” I retort, walking over to collect my things

“Nat, Corinna let’s go babes” I call, they excitedly grab their things and we hop in Nat’s Mercedes

“Oh c’mon guys” Todd says, but Carly promptly stops the rest from coming

“No we’re having a girl’s night. Sage isn’t feeling well, no boys allowed. Especially Jeff” she says, mumbling the last part so only the girls could hear and we let out giggles

“Fuck men” I yell, closing Nat’s door as we head to my place with Carly

Nat drops us off while her, Mariah, and Corinna get some alcohol. I grab the ingredients from the pantry and fridge. I decide to make a simple pasta with garlic, cherry tomatoes and basil. While I was cooking the other girls come back and we all gather in the kitchen. Talking about everything and anything, Nat starts snapping pictures on a disposable camera. After a few minutes the food was ready and we all gathered in our living room to watch some movies. After some bickering we all decide on Always Be My Maybe.

“T-that was so good” I cry, heavy tears streaming down my face, I look and see them all with tears in their eyes

“I hate being single” I whine, grabbing a pillow and crying into it and the others start laughing at me

“Sure sure” Corinna says, taking all of our plates to the sink. After countless bottles of wine we started dipping into the vodka. Natalie decides to stay sober for tonight  since she’ll probably have to take everyone else home

“Wait hold on David’s calling” Natalie says, I turn the music down and sit there nursing my vodka bottle and another bottle of sparkling pink lemonade

“Yea I’m not sure Sage is in any shape to go anywhere” She comments with a laugh, watching Corinna take the bottle and pour more vodka in my mouth

“Uhm I don’t know, let me talk to her” Nat says, her smile falling as she covers the mic with her hand

“Is it cool if the boys come here? They’re tired of staying at David’s and he needs drunk Sage content” She asks, I look at the rest of the girls and sigh

“I guess” I reply, Natalie purses her lips before replying

“No, we said it was girl’s night. You can get drunk Sage content any day of the week” She says, soon there’s some jiggling by our door as Natalie and Carly quickly run to the door and lock the door with the latch above the handle

“David get the fuck out of here” Natalie yells, stopping them from kicking our door down

“It’s ok I guess, just let them in” I reply, getting off the floor and unlocking it, quickly  walking to my balcony and Erin locks the door behind me, knowing I should have some alone time

I play some music on my phone and just sip the vodka in my hand. I take a hit from my puff bar, just enjoying the cool breeze on my skin. I let some tears fall down, thoughts invade my head. Maybe Jeff is just over how clingy I am? Is he tired of being friends with me? I sigh and sink deeper into my chair. I jump when I hear a knock, I quickly wipe the tears off my face and turn. I’m greeted by that dumb face and nod.

“Hey” I said, taking a hit of my puff, watching the vapor disappear as Jeff take a seat next to me

“Hi..” he replies softly, I can feel him burning holes in the side of my head

“Carly said I should probably come talk to you” he continued, I roll my eyes and collect my things

“Thing is, I don’t really want to talk to you anymore ok? This is me, leaving your dumbass on read in real life” I slur, putting my phone in my pants as I reach the door he grabs my wrist

“Please, I know you’re mad and I don’t really know why” Jeff replies, I scoff and set my things back down

“You ignore me all day, LEAVE ME ON READ WHILE I’M TEN FUCKING FEET BEHIND YOU, over a fucking drunk kiss for the vlog. Why would I be mad? You asshole” I yell, finally getting someone to open the door and I storm back in, sitting in the kitchen with the girls

“I DOn’T ReaLlY kNoW WhY You’Re MAd. The fucking NERVE of him” I rant, Nat pats my back as the girls and I talk on the kitchen floor

After another hour everyone leaves and I get ready for bed. Sure, I could’ve actually talked to him and I really was until he asked why I’m mad. I mean what the fuck? Whatever, I set my alarm and slip off into a peaceful sleep.

[gayregis]

Hey! I love your opinions on the books :) I’m having trouble grasping some of the characterization of the book characters, so maybe you’d understand better xD. What would you say the main characters’ flaws are?

omg i love this... ok for context these “flaws” do not necessarily equate to “qualities that are bad to have, make them bad people, and need to be fixed” but rather “qualities that are their character flaws in the narrative and contribute to the story”:

main characters, like the main 4 characters:

geralt: geralt is defined by insecurity, self-doubt, and self-loathing which stems from him being abandoned by his biological mother when he was a child and becoming a witcher, which is a reviled profession and caste and makes others shun him and dislike his company. he is also affected by being a witcher because he is morally opposed to killing, but his job is to kill, so he carries a lot of inner guilt and more self-loathing from this. this cocktail of nsecurity manifests mostly in him leaving people who care about him a lot and need his presence, and also in him shunning the company of others who want and need to be with him (leaving and shunning are different in my opinion... in leaving, he’s already been with them for some time, in shunning, they are trying to join him). examples of this are things like leaving yennefer in a shard of ice, leaving ciri in the sword of destiny, and not wanting to accept dandelion, milva, regis, and cahir’s company in baptism of fire. he basically thinks that he can only bring misfortune and death to others, so by being around them, he puts them in danger... he’s self-isolating...

yennefer: yennefer is also defined by insecurity, but to her, she herself isn’t the source of peril - others are. because she suffered such horrible child abuse and really had no one to sincerely trust and form extremely close relationships with as she aged (sorcerers and sorceresses are infamous for their cattiness ... as we see with someone like sabrina, i feel like her life on thanedd island was more like a bad high school experience rather than a good one. thus, yennefer is hesitant to truly let people into her life, because she doesn’t want to be hurt. she has “a heart of ice” - of course, not really - it can be “melted,” so to speak, but she’s “frozen” it to protect herself. she as a sorceress also experiences some antagonization (and she can’t even often find comradery in her colleagues unlike geralt who can go back to his brothers at kaer morhen), so she’s kind of stuck. i would say both geralt and yennefer also suffer from a little immaturity, especially regarding their relationship, because they’ve just simply never really had a relationship like theirs before and so it’s difficult to understand how to make it work past the honeymoon stage.

dandelion: dandelion’s flaws are that he has no flaws ... or so that he’d like to think. it’s important to separate character flaws from generally looked down upon qualities when it comes to dandelion. he’s filled with qualities that are less than desirable in a person, but are comical to the reader: he’s a glutton, he’s lecherous, he’s arrogant, he’s liable to spend all of his money on beers and new clothes than paying rent (if he had... a place he rented). as geralt says in a little sacrifice, he’s a whoreson, a cynic, a lecher, and a liar. a more neutral way to summarize dandelion is that he seeks to maximize pleasure and minimize pain, he’s a hedonist. which isn’t of course necessarily a bad thing. earthly pleasures, those of food, alcohol, sex, dancing, entertainment, music, art, literature... it’s extremely human. and to avoid violence, killing, and death is only smart when you’re not skilled in those aspects. so, his love of pleasure is not really a flaw... more of just a neutral trait. his arrogance and raptness to make fun is one main character flaw, in the sense that he’s liable to go too far when he makes jokes. he gets into trouble mainly by teasing people so much until they get aggressive and want to strangle the life out of him. he gets torque to attack him and geralt in the edge of the world for precisely this reason, and he gets the foresters in four pines before a little sacrifice to attack him and geralt for this reason, too. this is classed as arrogance because he’s so self-absorbed that he doesn’t recognize the other person fantasizing about cutting his head off. he’s impulsive as well, which gets him into trouble with things like opening the amphora of the djinn. his other character flaw is flightiness, noncommitaliality, the inability to stay grounded or loyal. he develops over the course of the series in regards to this, as every main character does in regard to their character flaws. but the other way he gets into trouble is by cheating on his partners, cucking the partners of his partners, not upholding promises (not paying bills) ... he really just does what he wants and what he wants seems to change every day (asides from singing and writing poetry). this flaw gets him into trouble with mainly the women he cheats on or the men angered by him cucking them... as with vespula in eternal flame, and the duke and duchess of toussaint...

ciri: ciri has a few character flaws which develop with her over time. the first character flaw for ciri is arrogance. she immediately demonstrates this to geralt in the sword of destiny when she states that she is a princess and that she’ll have him beheaded... she believes that she deserves the very best and that no one could take her down, and this comes into play later when she joins the rats and bonhart starts on their trail. in her time with the rats, she actually does allude to her rank as a princess when she demands a jeweled brooch off of a girl, saying that they, as the wife and daughter of a baron, have no right to deny her what she wants. the second character flaw is vengeance, which i suppose is related to her arrogance. she becomes obsessed with getting vengeance for being abandoned by not only her parents, but her morals and virtues which she had ascribed so much to. when those leave her, she seeks illogical vengeance by cutting down innocents. then, she wants vengeance for mistle and the rats, as well as the way she was treated. this vengeance isn’t wrong, but it begins to consume her. by the end of the series, she learns how to control her thirst for vengeance and she gets her retribution.

hansa members because i like analyzing them too:

milva: milva suffers from insecurities related to her circumstance - from being a peasant woman. this mainly shows itself during her talk with geralt in baptism of fire, when she is torn up about being pregnant and tells geralt that even though he had thought different, it turns out that she’s no good for anything, “a typical bloody woman.” she has a lot of issues compiled from how she was raised and treated in her society which present themselves in insecurity, which she desperately tries to make up for through showing off her great skill. she feels like she has to compensate for being a woman and for not being educated, that she has to earn her place amongst the company or others, when it’s simply not the case sometimes in which she is loved just for being herself. milva is also quick to anger and impulsive, but these are not really flaws for her, they’re more neutral in relation to her character, they don’t really hurt her or others at all throughout the books...

regis: arrogance. i know i already said arrogance for dandelion and for ciri, but regis also has arrogance, and all of their types arrogance express themselves differently. dandelion suffers from arrogance in the way that he lacks self-awareness, that others might not love him as much as he thinks they do. ciri suffers from arrogance in that she feels the universe owes her. regis suffers from arrogance in that he thinks he’s always right. regis does demonstrate modesty and humility in the books, because of course he does, he’s been working on this same character flaw for 4 centuries, so i hope he’s improved on it somewhat. but he is still affected by the same character flaw which got him killed a century ago, which is that he believes he’s right and no one can take him down. in baptism of fire, tower of the swallow, and lady of the lake, he gives geralt some pretty stupid advice on various occassions, but he’s completely assured as to his own accuracy, so that he never actually intends to lead him astray, but just doesn’t think maybe he could be wrong. he advises geralt to pass through ygsith, which, if they did so, would have been incredibly dangerous. he advises geralt to go speak to the druids, who don’t help them at all and actually hurt them instead. and he dismisses ciri’s horse tracks on the sansretour pass, thinking that they’re unremarkable. in all of these times, he was wrong, but he never entertained that idea. his arrogance also demonstrates itself during conversation as he tends to speak like “a sage instructing small children” and interrupt people before they finish asking their questions, with the answers to their questions as well as the answers to their next questions. he’s always-omniscient. which he really isn’t, because he can’t possibly be. but he adopts the manner of acting like it, and that’s a flaw because it’s dangerous. his arrogance also leads him to impulsitivity and violence, especially when combined with when he is drunk. during the assault on castle stygga, he says that he thinks he could lay waste to the entire castle. he dies due to his arrogance - he could have chosen any other way of strategy to kill vilgefortz, but he chose to immediately rush him after swiping his face with his claws in flight. he should have bewared, but he thought he could kill him immediately because he was so assured of his powers.

cahir: cahir is an idealist and loyal to the point of detriment. he believed in imperialist doctrine for a great portion of his life, or rather was persuaded into at least following what imperialist doctrine wished for him to become, to please his family and the expectations set for him. he believes that he was doing the right thing, that he would bring honor to his family, even when he was sent to do something like kidnap a little girl. even though he thought the order was strange, he wanted the honor for his family, because he is loyal to them, more than anything. his idealism and loyalty also affect him once he joins the company. the fact that geralt told him to fuck off but he followed the company from a distance anyways, for miles, demonstrates his loyalty and his propensity to follow. he was guided by his ideals of setting things right with ciri. and he was guided by these ideals, unable to recognize the dangers surrounding him, right into stygga and towards bonhart’s blade.

angouleme: angouleme is a teenager. enough said... she is impulsive, violent... she gets the least screentime of all of the hansa so her true colors didn’t really get to show themselves as she didn’t get a lot of deep character development, but from my own ideas about her, i feel that she suffers from low self esteem due to the circumstances of her birth and is prone to distractions in the form of detriments. she agrees with the practices of crime and banditry because she was never told that she could ever aspire to anything better. she’s careless, she is quick with her knife, tongue, and powder, because she struggles to focus on the situation that is her entire life. she doesn’t want to face the hand that life has dealt her, so she makes the best of it by surviving and having fun when she can. i feel like her low self esteem affects her in that she doesn’t believe others can truly want to love and protect her, so that she is always looking out for herself and doesn’t accept goodwill for its face value. 

[gemstoneconstellations]

I’m Sorry I’m Nervous

Summary: First date jitters happen to everyone, even Red Riot.

Wordcount: 2800

A/N: This is a direct continuation of Hero By Another Name

“Okay, so I’ll…um, see you Friday,” Kirishima nervously chuckled in front of you, holding your hands as he stood in your doorway. 

You smile up at him. “Promise?”

He bent down and pressed his lips to yours. “I promise.” One more kiss turned into two, which turned into him with his arms tightly around your waist, your body pressed against the doorframe as he practically devoured you. Finally, the two of you said your  goodbyes, a little out of breath and flushed down to your necks. 

“We’re dating. We got a date on Friday,” Kirishima mumbled to himself as he got in the elevator, a dopey smile on his face. He threw a fist in the air, proud that he’d finally come out and said it. He needs to call Bakugo for saving his ass yet again. Who knew Bakugo was such a great wingman? Finally, Kirishima had made you his girl…his girlfriend. He hasn't felt like this in such a long time. Since, like, high school. His eyes went wide. He hasn't dated since high school! “Oh shit, we’re dating. I got a date this Friday.”

In a panic, he called the only Bakusquad member that knew the meaning of the word chill. “Hey dude, what’s up?” Sero answered lazily.

“Code Shitting Myself! I have a date on Friday!” Kirishima practically screamed into the phone as he rushed out of the elevator into the lobby, making a small woman who was entering at the same time jump back. 

Kirishima waved apologetically as he scurried away to possibly go bury himself somewhere. 

“Uh, congrats? Why are you panicking?”

“I don't know what I'm doing! What do people do for dates now?” He gripped at his hair, for all he knew, Netflix and Chill was the new norm!

“Bro,” Sero snorted at Kirishima’s distress; the red-head was overthinking the entire situation and Sero found it refreshingly funny.

“I haven't been on a date since high school, I don't know what a mature adult does for a first date. I’m not mature! I still watch cartoons in the morning on my days off!” That threw Sero over the edge; he bursted out into a fit of laughter, wheezing and coughing as he tried to compose himself.

After a solid five minutes, he was able to speak again. “Okay, relax dude. I’ll call the squad and we’ll brainstorm over some beer while Bakugo lectures us on the amount of sugar and calories we are putting in our bodies. Sounds good?”

“Yeah, yeah, that works.”

“You okay now?”

“Yeah….I have a girlfriend,” Kirishima let out a bashful giggle, looking back up to your apartment complex. 

“Good for you, bro. I’ll see you later.”

~

“I fucking told you extras. Pay up, assholes.”

The whole table groaned as everyone started slamming their money down on the table, Bakugo cackling unapologetically as he swept the pot of money over to him. “The hell? Guys?” Kirishima looked at them all, appalled. 

“We started making bets after you randomly became a junior firefighter,” Ashido frowned as she handed her money over to Bakugo, who snatched it from her and started counting it. 

Kirishima pouted; he didn't think it was that obvious. Ashido reached over, reading his mind and patting his arm. “Honey, we all know how considerate you are of other people but seriously? Yeah, we all saw it coming.”

Kaminari cut in, holding up a folded up piece of paper. “Alright, so I pulled up a list on the internet—” 

The whole table groaned, but Kaminari cleared his throat and spoke over their complaints. “I compiled a list of manly first dates and this is what I got.”

Sero swiped the paper from the electric blonde and glanced over it. “Museum? Does she like art?”

“Not all museums are just art. There is this really cool toy museum...” Kaminari took the paper back, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles.

Ashido rolled her eyes. “Is she even into video games?”

The red-head only shrugged as he took a sip of beer. Honestly, he couldn’t really think of anything that you were interested in outside of work. “I don't know? She’s kind of a workaholic. Only thing she collects is…”

“She's a creepy mega-fan of his and covers her entire apartment in Red Riot merch,” Bakugo chimed in nonchalantly, still counting his money. All eyes were now on Kirishima, eyebrows raised.

“Moving on!” Kirishima launched his body across the table to grab the list, trying to change the subject.  “A picnic, that sounds nice.”

Sero shook his head. “Uh, you might have to go where there are no people. Both of you are still pretty popular and with that gossip rag around, you might attract a crowd.”  The note was passed to Ashido; it was probably best in her hands since she’s the only girl in this group.

Ashido took out a pen and started crossing things off. “So anything with crowds is probably out. That means no to sports games and amusement parks…” Kaminari started to pout as he watched so many of his ideas get crossed out.

“Cross off crappy pottery painting. That shit is for some old married couple, or ones with little kids.” Bakugo finally joined the conversation only to scoff at Kaminari. Seriously, pottery? Ashido nodded in agreement at what the ash blonde said, tapping her nose as she scribbled that out.

Kaminari threw his arms in the air. “Let’s just cross off all my ideas!”

“Rock-climbing would be cool. She had fun doing that while we were camping. Maybe we could go on a hike.” Kirishima tried to be the positive one of the group. That camping trip had really helped change your relationship; something outdoorsy might be good.

Sadly, Ashido waved him off and started giving her “girl advice”, which really sounded more like a lecture. “No. You need to do something together that you haven't done. The first date can set the tone for the entire relationship. Plus, rock-climbing is more of a third date activity. First dates are when you need to have lots of face-to-face conversations. You are getting to know each other in a romantic sense; rock climbing isn't going to give you a lot of opportunities to do that. Also, no sex or too much kissing. Focus on talking to her as a person so she doesnt think you’re only after her body.” Kirishima’s face instantly flared up at being called out like that. Damn, Ashido can pick up on the slightest hint of anything that is remotely romantic. If only she had put that much effort into her studies when they were in school.

“Fine! All I got is one thing left. Tell me how that can go wrong so I can throw this stupid list away.” Kaminari was completely fed up, taking the list back and writing one more thing on it before thrusting it back into the center of the table. He crossed his arms as he slouched in his chair.

Ashido looked up at Bakugo and Sero, who both nodded with a look of surprise. “Actually….” 

“That’s not a bad idea. Good job, Dunce Face.” Bakugo waved over a waitress to order some wings for Kaminari as a reward for using so much brain power. 

“Wait, what? You guys like one of my ideas? Yes! And you guys doubted me. Just call me the love doctor from now on.” Kaminari leaned back in his chair, rubbing a finger under his nose as he bragged smuggly. Ashido reached over and pressed a finger to his forehead, causing him to fall back. “Fuck!”

~

“Miniature golf?” you questioned as the two of you walked up to the indoor miniature golf course. It was perfect. It was less in the open, they controlled the amount of people on the course, and with a little extra cash, the attendant held back on letting in more people so the two of you could have plenty of time alone together.

Kirishima cleared his throat nervously. “You don’t like it?”

You linked your fingers through his, shaking your head. “No, that’s not it. I just haven't done it in years.” His heart nearly launched into his throat. How do you do that so easily?

“Oh, I guess that means I'm a shoe-in to win, then?” Keeping his cool, he teased you as he pulled you into the building.

That competitive nature of yours came in full-throttle, jumping at the bait. “Is that a challenge I hear?”

Kirishima looked down at you, leaning in with a smirk on his face. “Yup. The winner decides where we go for dinner.”

You leaned in closer, whispering, “You’re on.” Oh, he wants to kiss you so bad right now.

After paying admission and slipping the teen a few more bills to keep the crowd away from the two of you, you were picking out what color club you wanted to use. Of course, Kirishima chose red. He was leaning back, watching you as you narrowed in on a neon green club. You bent down to see if it was a comfortable height for you and that's when he noticed the curve of your ass in those jeans. He felt himself totally zone out, leaning more heavily on his club when he stumbled.

You looked back at him as he straightened up. “You okay?”

“Yu-Yup! Go ahead to the first hole to save our spot. I changed my mind about what color to use.” He hid his now bent club behind his back, praying you wouldn’t notice or argue with him.

Lucky him, you nodded in agreement. “Oh, okay.”

Kirishima sighed in relief once you were out of view. He held up the bent club; the poor thing didn't have a chance under his weight. He held it up to the attendant, who saw the whole thing transpire. “I’m so sorry, I’ll pay for the damage.” He can already hear Mina telling him off. I told you not to think about sex or kissing too much! Focus on getting to know her! Easier said than done...

Now with a new club that was a darker shade of red in his hand, he met you at hole one. You were tossing one of your golf balls in the air as you waited. “Ready?” Your smile helped him forget the incident; he silently promised himself that he wouldn't embarrass himself anymore on this date so that you wouldn't regret going out with him.

Around the third hole, you were starting to giggle as he was about to take his shot. “What?”

“Just watching you play. Compared to you, everything on the course looks child-sized.” True, he is pretty bulky and it was even more apparent next to a mini-Eiffel Tower. He pulled back the club to take a swing. “You’re so big.”

His face instantly turned red and he lost his grip; his second golf club was sent spinning four courses away. You held both hands over your mouth, trying to contain your laughter. He glared at your shaking back. This was your fault this time. He sighed, his head down dejectedly as he started walking. “I’ll be right back.” 

Club retrieved, you continued to play. He was extra cautious with the club, making sure to keep a firm grip on it and his sanity. Why is he so nervous? This shouldn't be that big of a deal; the two of you had hung out before. You skipped beside him, spinning your club in your hand. “I’m winning by four strokes.”

Kirishima looked over the course; it was set up so if he hit a corner just right, he could get it in one stroke. After you tried but didn’t manage to get very close to the hole, he felt like he had this in the bag. Time to show off. “I’ll get a hole in one on this, just you watch. This is basic geometry. Bakugo tutored me for hours til I was a master of it.”

You giggled, stepping to the side as he set his ball up. He hit the ball…but he may have hit  a little too hard. Instead of just bouncing off the wall and going back towards the hole, it went into the air and straight for the small Great Wall of China. He rushed over to see the damage he’d caused now. “It’s stuck in the wall….I must have hit it too hard.” The ball was lodged inside the plaster and everytime Kirishima tried to get it out, more cracks formed. “I can’t get it out without wrecking it any more….”

“Pfft.” He looked back to glare at you. “This counts as a stroke.” Your competitive streak was showing and it was not playing nice. 

Before he could protest, you went to your ball and tapped it gently. You smirked at him triumphantly as it came within an inch of the hole. “Well look at that, I’m going to get a birdie.”

“So much for looking cool….” Kirishima sighed to himself for like the millionth time. You were kicking his butt at this while he was stumbling all over the place. What the hell? He’d played this before and he was never this bad.

“Last one, the windmill.” The final boss of miniature golf stood on top of a small hill, paper mache blades spinning slowly. Kirishima was taller than it but it felt like it was towering over him. He swallowed. 

“I’ll get this one no problem.” Kirishima pumped himself up, stepping up first. He watched the blades swinging around, waiting with the club in the air for the perfect moment. Quickly, he swung at the ball and it zipped through the air. It looked like it was going to make it. Finally!

RIIPP SHWOOP

“It went through the blade!” You dropped your club and ball to laugh as Kirishima rushed over in horror.

He scrambled over to look at the damage and find the ball but he noticed that it wasn't there. He looked behind the mill to see his ball coming out the back, rolling down the ramp all the way into the hole. He fist pumped the air, forgetting all about the other hole he’d caused. “Ha! See? Hole-in-one!” He pointed towards the hole and then leaned against the windmill, only for it to start tilting. “Oh, shit!” He caught it quickly and balanced it back out. Well, at least you were smiling as you crumpled to the ground laughing.

~

“That was fun, especially since I won by 10 strokes.” You stretch your arms up, taking in the fresh air after such a fun game. You turn to the side, expecting Kirishima to be standing beside you, only to see the street. He was behind you, dragging his feet out of the miniature golf facility, head held low. “Kirishima?”

“I’m sorry about all that back there. I was just so nervous that I kept messing things up and….causing destruction of property. Kind of messed up our first date, huh?” He walked up to you, eyes still downcast as he apologized for one of the best dates you’d ever had.

You reached out to him, gently taking hold of his hand. “Why were you so nervous? It’s not like we haven’t hung out like this before. If anyone should be nervous, it’s me. You already know all my dirty secrets in my apartment.” Maybe you should mention that you’d had Bakugo give you another “pep’” talk  about how you were being an idiot for panicking slightly before the date.

Kirishima sighed, taking both your hands in his and rubbing his thumbs across your fingers. “It’s our first date, pretty much the deciding factor of whether you want to stay with me. I didn't want you to think I was a waste of your time…” You tried not to laugh. How could he think spending any time with him could be a waste?

“It’s not over yet, right?” You let go of one of his hands, pulling him by the other. “The winner gets to pick dinner. I vote ordering take out and watching a movie at my place.”

He looked at you with a dazed look, completely confused as he let you pull him down the street towards home. You smile at him reassuringly. “For what it’s worth, I had fun. I always have fun with you.”

Kirishima’s face instantly lit up, his mood seeming to perk up. “Really? You dont regret it?”

You move your hand in his, making your fingers weave together. “I don't think I could ever regret being with you.” Honestly, you’ve never felt this happy before, and it’s all thanks to the red-head walking beside you.

He tightened his grip and smiled down at you sweetly, making you feel all gooey inside. “Same.”

[willinglyhomosexual]

Nicky and videos

Nicky films Every Single Thing All The Time and it's so annoying

The videos are everywhere. Youtube, vine, instagram, fucking facebook - everywhere. The fans are well fed

Some of the classics include:

- a video of Aaron and Kevin drunkenly belting the pokemon theme song

- the foxes in a supermarket. Andrew setting down a family-sized tub of ice cream into the cart. Kevin putting it back on the shelf. Andrew placing it in the cart again. Kevin putting it back. Unwavering eye contact. It goes on for a solid minute

- Neil smearing ice cream on Andrew's face and then saying "there, now you're short AND sweet!" after which there's simultaneous groaning from off screen. Andrew just stares blank-faced into the camera like he's in The Office

- a grayscale video of Kevin yelling at a zoned-out Neil, zooming in on Neil's face as all around me are familiar faces plays in the background

- a "foxhole game night" monopoly video featuring ear-piercing screaming, Dan and Allison rolling on the floor in hysteria, a cry-laughing Matt clutching his stomach with one hand while pounding on Neil's back with the other, Neil beaming, Andrew looking almost smug by his side, Renee showering them both with monopoly money, Kevin snatching Aaron's whiskey bottle and downing half of it. You can imagine what happened here

- a video of Neil gingerly sipping on his soda at Eden's with "shots shots shots shots shots shots" playing over it

- a compilation of Renee smiling because it's too pure. Everyone loves it

- a clip of Aaron and Katelyn flirting, all soft and cutesy directly followed by Andrew and Neil cussing each other out

- Dan and Matt cuddling which cuts to Nicky fake gagging at the pure heterosexuality of it all. It's been liked only by Andrew

- Andrew on his tippy toes trying to reach something with the caption "they tried to put me on the cover of vogue, but my legs were too long". It's liked by everyone but Andrew and Aaron

- Andrew and Neil staring each other down, lost in their own world, when suddenly Nicky sneezes. They turn their heads to glare at him at the same time

- Wymack saying "road work ahead" to which the entire bus screams in unison "WELL I SURE HOPE IT DOES"

And finally:

- Andrew reciting The Crush Song to a very confused Neil

"I'm single as I can be-"

Nicky zooms in on them.

"-you're single, perfect for me. I'm gonna give you a bunch of reasons why you should date me."

Neil's face is pure, genuine confusion and worry.

"Reason number one - I'm super hot. Reason number two - she's super not." Andrew is completely expressionless. His voice is monotonous and bored. "Reason number three - I'm all you got, and all you got is someone hot."

A door slams in the distance, most likely Aaron. Andrew doesn't blink.

Nicky is wheezing behind the camera.

Occasionally Kevin tries to butt in but Andrew raises his voice and talks over him.

"First name hot-" "wh-" "aND LAST NAME BITCH. Wanna get with me? Now that's the stitch."

The camera is shaking uncontrollably.

"you think I'm trash?" "andr-" "HELL NO, I'm class, and I got a-" "andre-" "-bIG FAT ASS."

Eventually Kevin gives up.

"Please date me because I'm single. S-I-N-G-L-E, love me. And hug me, and touch me. And, well, fuck me," Andrew recites.

When he gets to the end of the song he immediately leaves to get himself a beer without saying anything else. Neil is left staring off into the distance, possibly having an existential crisis.

Nicky flips the camera, and through sniffles says, "...and that was Andrew Minyard with 'The Crush song' featuring Kevin Day. Have a good night."

It instantly becomes a viral video. People who haven't even heard of exy are sharing it. A bored twink monotonously serenading The Crush Song to a confused twink? Hilarious. Aaron hates them so much

Bonus: when tiktok becomes a thing Nicky is all over it. You can imagine how that goes. The monsters refuse to interact with him in public

On the flipside: once, Nicky managed to convince Kevin that e-boy stands for exy boy so Kevin had "professional e-boy" in his bio for a good week or two

It was a good time

[thatbanjobusiness]

Salty Dog Blues Before Flatt & Scruggs

Old Salty Dog Blues is a Flatt & Scruggs classic and today the song is considered a staple of bluegrass music. However, bluegrass itself is a recent genre, with its inception typically dated 1945. Many songs from its early repertoire came from other sources, both popular and folk.

Above you will hear a compilation of Salty Dog Blues from recordings between 1924 and 1950 (ending with the Flatt & Scruggs version). Below the cut I will provide more details of each selection you hear. This is not a comprehensive compilation; for instance, I don’t have Lead Belly’s 1948 audio here. However, what’s incredibly fun about this recording is how DIVERSE the music is. And how incredibly NOT bluegrass it is.

Like many people, I became familiar with Salty Dog Blues through the Flatt & Scruggs version recorded in 1950. The song was catchy enough for me to love it as it was, but listening to the lyrics further piqued my interest. I realized I was assuming what a “salty dog” was through the lyrics rather than comprehending a precise meaning. But looking at the lyrics for clues was hard. There’s a narrative, but it feels just off-kilter enough I suspected the song had folk origin. Some folk tune variations can sound like the verses were sewn together haphazardly like patches of different fabrics on a quilt. It makes sense, when you consider how people would’ve gotten the words. Passing lyrics through oral tradition can create curious, wonky results and fascinating variations and divergences. It’s a game of generational telephone. Clearly, I had to go beyond the Flatt & Scruggs version in order to decipher my term.

And so. I found myself. Deep-diving this tune’s origin.

There hasn’t been a second wasted in my life fishing through this. Holy wow have I run into a jackpot of wildly fun things! I still have so much more I could look into. I had suspicions of what I’d find, but the following lyrics posted into a forum went way beyond expectations:

Two old maids laying in the grass, One had her finger up the other one's ass Honey, let me be your salty dog!

Welp. If I hadn’t been interested already, I would have been THEN. And the sexual explicitness... and other fun times... just kept COMING (wordplay intended here).

So! Below cut, I want to go further into the meaning of “salty dog” and listen to how the song developed from a blues tune to the 1950 Flatt & Scruggs country song. It would require a whole other post to go past 1950, so that’s why I’ve restricted my range from the earliest recorded tunes to the moment it entered bluegrass.

1. What *IS* a Salty Dog?

The first entertainment I got was seeking a definition for “salty dog.” The OED gave nothing to me, sadly, so I was left to peruse other sources. Reading forums, interviews, articles, and more, I encountered a hilariously diverse array of proposed definitions. I got peeps saying:

It’s a type of soft drink.

It’s a type of cocktail using grapefruit juice and gin or vodka. It’s served in a glass with a salted rim.

It’s the name of a specific bar in North Carolina.

It’s a medicinal solution from early frontier communities, especially in eastern Appalachia. A sausage soaked in brine solution was placed under people’s clothes during winter as a counter to pneumonia and flu.

It’s an ornery sailor, mariner, or pirate who’s spent a large portion of their life at sea. Just like a sea dog or an old salt.

It’s any person who’s really good with their work. A tough fellow, since salty can mean “full of spirit and fight.”

It’s a sweetheart, someone you love, or a favorite person. Applying salt to hunting dogs was believed to keep ticks away, and because salt was a rare commodity in those times, you’d only apply it to your favorite and most valuable dog.

It’s an illicit lover or libidinous man or woman, someone getting sex the wrong way.

It’s a pimp.

It’s a reference to oral sex. Have sex with one individual, then shortly later have someone perform oral on you.

The last one, which was embellished by Urban Dictionary (thanks, Urban Dictionary) could likely be an instance of linguistic pejoration, in which a word’s meaning “worsens” semantically over time. That said, I’ve seen everyday people in forums comment that in the 1940s and 50s in their communities, it did refer to oral sex. I’ll believe their testimony. So, contemporary to the time Flatt & Scruggs recorded, the more crude sexual sides appear to have been in vernacular use. It’s likely most if not all of the definitions proposed are real meanings of “salty dog,” but clearly the song Salty Dog Blues isn’t referring to all simultaneously.

Bluegrass musicians have not always been helpful providing a definition. For instance, Curly Seckler, one member of Flatt & Scruggs, proposed the benign soft drink suggestion. He said in this moment onstage in 1985:

Curly Seckler: I found out what a salty dog was. I think I was down here before I didn’t know, but I do now. I went home here, I believe it was last year, they had a big day down there. And, course I went over through the Smokies over there, and I stopped over there at Wiley Morris’s garage. . . . And we sang Salty Dog Blues and some of the old numbers together. But I asked him, I said, “Wiley, I’d like to know before I pass on, what in the world is a salty dog?” See, they wrote the Salty Dog Blues, him and Zeke. He said, “Well, North Carolina, years and years ago, had a drink they called salty dog. Now that’s a pop, a soda. And I said, “Well, I’m from North Carolina, but I don’t remember that.” But he said that’s why that got them the idea of writing a song called—”

And then, hilariously, Curly is distracted by his band, who’ve been whispering to each other the entire time and grinning, and calls out, “What am I hearing?” I’d like to imagine they were talking about the real meaning and Curly picked up the chatter’s more scandalous side.

After all, Zeke and Wiley Morris did not write Salty Dog Blues, and their story seems to be a coverup to defend their writer’s credit (which for the record is legitimate... a novel arrangement was given writer’s credit frequently in these times) and a polite way to get around the meaning of what a “salty dog” was. An article written by Wayne Erbsen shows that the brothers themselves gave varying definitions of the term:

Wiley explained that “I have a different definition of a salty dog than Zeke has. Back when we were kids down in Old Fort we would see a girl we liked and say “I’d like to be her salty dog.” There also used to be a drink you could get up in Michigan. All you had to do was say “Let me have a Salty Dog,” and they’d pour you one.” Zeke remembers that “I got the idea when we went to a little old honky tonk just outside of Canton which is in North Carolina. We went to play at a school out beyond Waynesville somewhere and we stopped at this place. They sold beer and had slot machines. At that time they were legal in North Carolina. We got in there after the show and got to drinking that beer and playing the slot machines with nickels, dimes and quarters. I think we hit three or four jackpots. Boy, here it would come! You know you had a pile of money when you had two handfuls of change. The name of that place was the “Salty Dog,” and that’s where I got the idea for the song. There’s actually more verses to it than me and Wiley sing, a lot more verses.”

As I and others who’ve read the article noticed, the fact that the Morris Brothers admitted there were many more verses... is indirect admittance of folk origin. The Morris Brothers were professional musicians in the 1930s, their recording of Salty Dog Blues was recorded September 29, 1938... and our earliest audio versions of the song come from the 1920s. There are many recordings of this song that predate the Morris Brothers. Still, even in a documentary from the 1970s, they maintained their story they wrote it.

But the song’s true origin outside the Morris Brothers allowed me to expand the scope of my investigation. It was time to peep into the alternate lyrics from earlier versions, and hope that those gave me a better understanding of the song and what a salty dog in this context meant.

2. The Lyrics of Salty Dog Blues

What the Morris Brothers and Flatt & Scruggs sang were fairly tame. However, the lyrics still involved a gun being shot and a person singing the following lines:

Looky here Sal, I know you Run down stocking and a worn out shoe Honey, let me be your Salty Dog

Let me be your Salty Dog Or I won't be your man at all Honey, let me be your Salty Dog

“I won’t be your man at all” in the chorus is a good hint of what a salty dog is supposed to be. It wouldn’t make sense to replace the term “salty dog” with mariner. I suspected from the start this song’s meaning veered toward the concept of a lover, and alternate versions of the lyrics prove that the case, oftentimes in wonderfully blunt or creative verses.

As I was investigating these recordings and their artists, I ran into information discussing the early years recording Salty Dog Blues, including times from before it was recorded. Jazz musician Bill Johnson (1872-1972) had his band playing this song circa or prior to the 1910s, and in an excerpt from the book Early Blues: The First Stars of Blues Guitar, I read:

Papa Charlie’s follow-up release, the ragtimey, eight-bar “Salty Dog Blues,” made him a recording star. . . . Old-time New Orleans musicians from Buddy Bolden’s era recalled hearing far filthier versions of “Salty Dog Blues” long before Papa Charlie’s recording.

Papa Charlie Jackson recorded his version of Salty Dog Blues in 1924 and Buddy Bolden (1877-1931) was popular with his band in New Orleans from 1900-1907. So... what were these filthier lyrics from the early twentieth century?

I want to go back to the lyrics I quoted at the beginning of this post... “Two old maids laying in the grass / One had her finger up the other one's ass. Honey, let me be your salty dog!” The individual who shared these lyrics on a forum said they heard Sam Bush sing that at Rockygrass in 2002. Maybe that was a recent permutation. However, I found variations on this lyric submitted independently by others, indicating this wouldn’t have been Sam creating lyrics out of nothing. Some posts, I don’t know if they were serious or not... “Two necrophiliacs lying in a bed / Each one a-wishin' that the other was dead,” but there’s too many similarities across what I’m seeing. Other individuals said they sang lyrics like these in college parties: “Two old maids, laying in bed / One rolled over to the other and said / Honey, let me be your salty dog.” And the Kingston Trio, whose music was folk-oriented and part of the Folk Revival movement, in 1964 sang in their version of Salty Dog Blues, “There were two old ladies sitting in the sand / Each one wishing the other was a man.”

Digging deeper, I found other folk songs contained variations on the “Two old maids laying in a bed / sand” concept. This discovery is in line with authentic folk lyrics. Remember that folk music is a game of telephone, and sometimes the same verses are found in two or more songs. I found several variations of Brown’s Ferry Blues with this couplet, some of them coming from Folk Revival musicians.

These lyrics give a starting point both to how Salty Dog Blues can contain bawdier concepts, and what a salty dog is.

But lyrics from Salty Dog Blues recordings in the 1920s and 1930s give even more reliable indication. Clara Smith’s 1926 version includes:

Oh, won't you let me be your salty dog? I don't want to be your gal at all. You salty dog, you salty dog.

Oh honey babe, let me be your salty dog, Salty dog, oh, you salty dog.

It's just like looking for a needle there in the sand Trying to find a woman that hasn't got a man. Salty Dog oh you salty dog.

Her lyrics also include a couplet I found in many of the early versions:

God made a woman, he made her kinda funny Lips around her mouth sweet as any honey, Oh, you salty dog, oh, you salty dog.

It says a lot: a verse about romantic love was one of the most oft repeated couplets across Salty Dog Blues variations. Papa Charlie Jackson included that verse, as well as these others:

Lord, it ain't but the one thing grieve my mind, All these women and none is mine.

Now, scaredest I ever been in my life, Uncle Bud like to caught me kissing his wife.

And for those of you who aren’t familiar with the sentential construction, “liked to” means “almost.” Uncle Bud almost caught me kissing his wife. This is a song about a lover, and in one of these verses, the lover’s doing something taboo.

Some forum dudes claimed Mississippi John Hurt and his friends sang a line like this one below, even though they also said it didn’t make any recordings:

Well, your salty dog, he comes around When your sugar daddy's outta town Baby, let me be your salty dog

And there’s yet more elaboration about what a salty dog is in verses in Afro-Creole singer Lizzie Miles’s 1952 recording, which we do have:

Mardi Gras is a dream You can meet all those Creole queens They’re salty dogs, yes, salty dogs

If you want to blow your cares away Just walk on in the Vieux Carré You’ll find salty dogs, yes, salty dogs

Never had no name, never went to school But when it comes to loving, I ain’t no fool I’m a salty dog, yes, a salty dog

I’ve got sixteen men in love with me But the man I love ain’t legally free He’s a salty dog, yes, he’s a salty dog

Granted, I *am* sifting through a huge storm of verses and intentionally picking ones that match this narrative. But these are all lyrics that show a wonderfully off-color, sexual side to Salty Dog Blues. This song sure as hell ain’t singing about soda pop or sailing.

3. The Earliest Recordings of Salty Dog Blues

So. In my compilation you’re listening to, what is it you’re hearing?

Between the 1920s and 1940s, “race records” were records from African-American musicians. The term would be used to describe the blues, gospel, etc. that these musicians performed. OKeh Records was the first company to use that term in 1922. Also during the 1920s, another line of records, “hillbilly” records, began; this was used to describe what was perceived as rural white musician fiddle and string band music.

These record companies, however, were separating music by race somewhat artificially. There were plenty of Black musicians playing string band music, for instance, during these times. The early history of American country music involves an amalgamation of musical ideas from many demographics sharing and adopting ideas from one to another and back again. When you listen to the compilation I made of early versions of Salty Dog Blues, you may hear a difference between the white and Black musicians, likely because of that artificial distinction I mentioned.

Still, there’s a fascinating amount of overlap. I think it’s particularly interesting to pay attention to how the melodic material varies; it’s the same core melody, but there’s certainly differences. Listening to the variations can get you a sense of how folk music is a wild world of branching versions. There’s different strains, with both the melody morphing as it gets passed person to person, and the lyrics morphing as it gets passed person to person.

Specifically, I took my samples from the following recordings:

Charlie Jackson - Released 29 Nov 1924. Papa Charlie Jackson was the first commercially successful male blues artist who played both fingerstyle and with a flatpick on his guitjo. He was born in 1887 in New Orleans. Even when he was producing his records in the early twentieth century, his music would have been old-fashioned to listeners and given people an ear to what African American music sounded like before the turn of the century. He’s similar to Lead Belly in this regard, whose 1948 recording of Salty Dog Blues I did not include in the audio compilation. Jackson’s music was also in that vague area that leaned toward hillbilly in the early days before the race records / hillbilly records division became distinct. 

Lem Fowler’s Washboard Wonders - Released 30 Dec 1925. Between 1922 and 1932 this jazz musician recorded 57 songs and 23 player piano rolls in New York and Chicago. A composer, most of his recordings feature his own work; Salty Dog Blues is one of three pieces recorded with his band that is not his own. I love this recording.

Clara Smith - Dated 26 May 1926. The first commercially successful blues singers were women. Clara Blues was an early classic female blues singer, a genre sometimes also referred to as vaudeville blues that combined traditional folk blues and urban theater music. This native of South Carolina excelled at emotional slow drag blues.

Freddie Keppard and His Jazz Cardinals - recorded July 1926. Freddie Keppard was a New Orleans musician. Interestingly enough, Papa Charlie Jackson is in this version as well, this time played with a full band, and you can hear someone declare “Papa Charlie done sung that song!” at the end.

Allen Brothers - Recorded 7 April 1927. I think this is the first recording of Salty Dog Blues by white musicians we have. Born and raised in Tennessee, Austin and Lee Allen were an early hillbilly duo popular in the 1920s and 1930s. Austin played banjo; Lee played guitar and kazoo. They were influenced by local jazz and blues artists as they were growing up. It’s interesting to note that Salty Dog Blues came out of their first recording session and became a hit, selling over 18,000 copies. And this band, the first white hokum blues musicians (so I’ve seen claimed), were accidentally issued first as a race record by mistake.

McGee Brothers - Recorded 11 May 1927; released Jul 1927. Sam and Kirk McGee were white old-time / hillbilly musicians from Tennessee who performed on the Grand Ole Opry starting in 1926. Sam learned blues techniques from Black railroad workers and street musicians, and the duo would adapt blues and ragtime pieces into string band music. I LOVE this version of Salty Dog Blues; while it squarely hits the “hillbilly” genre, some of the minor melodic fragments mirror what Black blues musician Kokomo Arnold sang.

Stripling Brothers - Recorded 10 Sep 1934. Fiddler Charlie Stripling and guitarist Ira Stripling were born in the 1890s in Alabama. They’re an old-time hillbilly music duo and Charlie Stripling is considered an important old-time fiddler. Their earliest recordings reflect what they learned at home; later recordings contained increasing pop influences. Salty Dog Blues is one of their later recordings; their last release was from 1936. I would love to know more about where they got this version of the song, as I feel its melody is diverges more than the others recordings in this time period.

Kokomo Arnold - 1937. Mentioned above. Kokomo Arnold was a left-handed slide blues guitarist from Georgia.

Morris Brothers - First recorded 29 Sep 1938; released 21 Dec 1938. Second version recorded 1945. I’ve already mentioned the Morris Brothers, but there’s more information you need to know. Zeke, Wiley, and George Morris were hillbilly musicians from North Carolina popular in the 1930s. The Morris Brothers was also the band in which now-famed banjo picker Earl Scruggs had his first professional job. Scruggs played with them about eight months in the late 1930s or early 1940s. If you listen to the full Morris Brothers, it’s obvious Earl learned it from them; Flatt & Scruggs keep everything from the lyrics, harmony choices, and instrumental break points the same as what you hear here. But the Morris Brothers’s version of the song is rather original compared to everything else in this compilation, which is probably why they managed a writer’s credit for it.

Flatt & Scruggs - Recorded 20 Oct 1950; released 1 May 1952. Earl Scruggs would have brought Salty Dog Blues to the band he was now heading, Flatt & Scruggs and the Foggy Mountain Boys. This song was often sung as a trio in concerts when their usual lead vocalist, Lester Flatt, was taking a break. Their band rotated singers, performers, and other forms of variety in their radio, television, and stage shows, but such repertoire never made it onto official Flatt & Scruggs records. This record is, as far as I remember, the only instance in which another musician besides Lester Flatt sings both the verses and lead. That singer is their fiddler, Benny Sims. In later performances and recordings of Salty Dog Blues by Flatt & Scruggs, Lester Flatt took his usual role singing.

I find it interesting to also note the early musicians’ origins. Everyone came from the South. New Orleans especially appeared to have old widespread use of the song. I haven’t had time to listen to see if the musicians’ home location correlates to similarity in lyrics and melodic structure, but that would be hella fun to do sometime, too.

But! I have already fished through the song enough and given you a giant essay. Maybe at a later point I’ll have to entertain myself more and keep digging into Salty Dog Blues.

[rhetoricalrogue]

31 Days of Halloween, Day 31

Prompt: Halloween Rating: G Words: 1,581 Characters: Unit Charlie, circa 2019 Summary: It’s Winona’s first Halloween outside the Facility.  The three senior members of Unit Charlie are determined to make it a memorable one. Note: And that’s 31 prompts!  Thanks for hanging out with me and Unit Charlie this October!  I compiled a masterpost that I’ve pinned to my blog.

For the @31daysofwayhaven event.

October 31, 2019

“I’ve never had a real Halloween experience,” Winona said, cutting open a bag of candy and pouring the contents into a large plastic bowl.  “What usually happens?”

Penny shrugged, spraying her hands with nonstick spray as she shaped sticky caramel popcorn into pumpkins.  “It’s been a few years since I’ve had a chance to do this outside the Facility.  Usually we’re on missions or no one really makes a big deal about it.”

“But this year’s different even though we’re on a mission.”  Winona adjusted the headband she wore with the cute black cat ears attached.  “I’m excited.”

“As you should be!  Look at you, piccolina!  You’re an adorable black cat!”  Nicky came in to swipe some popcorn, darting out just in time to miss Penny’s hand smacking his.  “Oh my god, Pen, this is fantastic!”

“And they’re for later!”  Penny made shooing motions with her hands, chasing them both out of the little kitchenette of the Agency safehouse they were in.  They’d been on a field mission to speak with a group of ghosts that were causing more paranormal activity than usual since thrill-seekers were on the rise around this time of year.  Normally, they would have been at the site to ward off would-be ghost hunters, but this was Halloween.  Cam had insisted on taking the night off to celebrate, and none of them were going to argue with their leader. Speaking with the ghosts and setting up physical barriers that made it look as if the road leading up to the place was closed for construction helped, and if that didn’t deter anyone, Penny had worked with a nearby coven of witches to provide wards that would make people forget the area was haunted, if only for a few days.  It was a temporary fix, but one that had pleased the local spirits enough that Cam had been confident that they didn’t need to hang out to provide an Agency presence.

It was a nice change from doing paperwork or security detail, and the three senior members weren’t going to miss it for anything, especially since this would be Winona’s first time celebrating it outside the Facility.  It was an unanimous, unspoken decision that they would make sure that this was the best party she’d ever been to.  Penny had set Cam and Nicky loose in the grocery stores to fill a cart with candy and drinks while she and Winona spent an afternoon decorating.  Cam won the rock, paper, scissors on making the main course or ordering pizza, so while they waited for delivery to show up, they scrolled though the local cable channels to see what sort of horror movies were going to be broadcast.

“I thought we were all supposed to wear costumes,” Winona said, brushing popcorn crumbs off her shirt.  She’d gone for the typical black cat costume, but had put an 80s spin on it, opting to wear an all black outfit consisting of a bustier, tulle skirt, and black fishnets with black leather ankle boots.

“This is my costume, piccolina.”  

She arched her eyebrow, looking him over.  “Nicky, jeans, a black t-shirt, and a white hoodie don’t count as a costume.”

He grabbed a piece of candy from the bowl she set by the front door.  “Uh, hello?  Assassin’s Creed?  Desmond Miles?”  He pushed up his hoodie’s sleeve and exposed a bracer he’d strapped to his left arm.  “Hidden blades?”

She shook her head.  “No, not ringing a bell.  Sorry.”

“Obviously we need to broaden your video game experiences.”

“Please tell me that’s not an actual spring-loaded knife strapped to your arm,” Cam said.  “You’re going to stab yourself on accident.”

“Not like I’d need to be taken to the hospital for it,” Nicky retorted, sticking his tongue out.  “Nice duds, Waldo.”

Cam tugged on a red and white striped beanie, pulling it over his thick, wavy hair.  “I’m just glad I could find the sweater on such short notice.”  He’d had the rest of the pieces to the costume, even the thick framed glasses that had been part of a disguise he’d used a while back.  “What do you think, Pen?”

Penny took one look at him and shook her head.  “Could you maybe not read my mind when it comes to costume choices?” she laughed.

“What do you mean?”  He looked at the pair of black leggings and knee height boots she was wearing, the sleeveless turtleneck not ringing any bells on what she was supposed to be.  

“I couldn’t wear the rest of the getup while making this, but the popcorn balls are done.  Be right back.”

Cam popped a few pieces of unused caramel corn Penny had left in a baking tray into his mouth and closed his eyes in appreciation.  It’d been years since the last time he’d had homemade candied popcorn and the sweet yet salty flavor was to die for.

“Five bucks she comes back as the perfect pair for a couple’s costume,” Nicky teased, scooting around Cam to the fridge to pull out a bottle of cider that Winona had insisted on buying because it felt more holiday appropriate than the beer Nicky had been putting in the cart.  He popped the top and offered it to Cam, who took it, before grabbing another for himself.

“Nicky…”

He snuck another piece of caramel popcorn.�� “All I’m saying is that the two of you are basically a couple in every other way but one very important way.”  He took a swallow.  “I’m talking about -”

“I know what you’re talking about, Nicolo,” Cam said, taking a drink.  “And don’t start.”

Nicky held out his hands.  “I know, I know.  Don’t go poking around and being a meddling old woman.”

Cam rolled his eyes.  “Thank you. I appreciate…”  He didn’t finish his thought because Penny had come back from the bedroom she and Winona were sharing.  

“Well?  What do you think?”  She gave a little twirl to set the hem of her knee-length red trench coat fluttering and gave a tug to the oversized red sun hat she wore.

“You look great,” Cam said, giving her a lopsided smile before clearing his throat and awkwardly pushing his fake glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

She ducked her head and played with the yellow scarf loosely draped around her neck.  “I couldn’t find a wig in time, so Carmen Sandiego’s going to have to be blonde tonight.”

“Believe me, donna forte, Carmen’s never looked better.”  He gave her an appreciative whistle before grinning impishly.  “Though we probably should have talked costumes through.  Had we known, all of us could have had matching costumes.”

Penny blushed.  “This wasn’t planned beforehand, though I guess we should have thought about that.  I just wanted Winona to pick her own costume for the first time.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Cam slapped a hand on Nicky’s shoulder, looking all the world like he was clapping him on the shoulder in solidarity, but really he was subtly squeezing down as a silent request to stop teasing. “I’m sure there’s going to be more Halloweens in the future to figure out a group costume.”

Nicky was saved from further torment when the doorbell rang. “I’ve got it!” Winona yelled, all but jumping over the back of the sofa where she had been sitting and flipping through channels before settling on the original Evil Dead.  Penny grabbed the first batch of popcorn balls she had made and hurried over to the door to offer them to their first trick or treaters.

“What was that about not meddling?” Cam asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he leaned his hip on the kitchen counter.

“I wouldn’t meddle if I didn’t think that the two of you would be perfect for the other.”  Nicky took another drink from his bottle and shrugged in defeat.  “But okay, I hear you, I’ll stand down.  For tonight at least.”

Cam sighed.  “Thank you, my friend.”  He was going to head to the living room to claim a spot on the sofa when he stopped.  Digging his wallet out of his back pocket, he pulled out a five dollar bill.  “Not a word,” he told Nicky, waving the money in front of him.

Nicky grinned.  He opened up his mouth to say some smartalecked reply, but thought better of it.  Instead, he flicked his left wrist, the blade at his arm springing out and impaling the bill.  With another flick, the blade retracted, taking the money with it. 

“You’re going to put someone’s eye out with that!”

“Okay, Mom.  You’re just jealous that Waldo doesn’t have anything this cool!”

Cam sighed as he made his way to the living room.  The movie had commercials, so he brought his phone out and opened up apps, scrolling through until he found the horror genre.  The Agency had entertainment available to their agents, and he knew that he could easily connect his phone to the TV so they could enjoy things uninterrupted.

But first, to claim a seat for himself.  They’d ultimately end up in a big pile together like they usually did, but he wanted a good spot to start out at.

And if he happened to find a spot right next to the big floppy red hat sitting on a cushion, he wasn’t going to admit it to anyone.  He was down five dollars as it was, he wasn’t owing Nicky any more money tonight.

[themostexpensiveboningknife]

2020

Failed party, money in drawer, communicate, move house, move boxes, drive in van, walk to shops, buy noodles, think it’s the end, see whole bus of soldiers in Beijing, new area, walk in darkness, think about leaving, leave, think its temporary, in taxi, post stupid photos, check and check again phone, think people with goggles on my plane are over reacting, take off my mask to eat, keep taking off to loosen, arrive back in London. Tube. Cold. Pub. Party at WeWork. Exhibition at Dulwich Gallery. Farringdon. Drugs and drinks. Brockley, South east London. DJ. Ethiopian food. Morley’s Peckham. Walking on the River. Photographer friend’s house. Canal cycle. National Gallery. Car crash, Dalston. Omar Souleyman. Corsica Studios. Meet girl, back to my friends, back to hers, sex. Morning up to mum’s best friends birthday, Covent Garden restaurant. In a van, Sunday roast. Chisenhale Gallery. arebyte Gallery. Getting worse in China, seems nice and easy and calm in England. Camberwell beers and more. Second-hand book shops, Charing Cross Road. Courtauld. Leafed through a book about a man who lived his entire 86.5 years in East London. Still talking to the same girl back in China. Both believe I’ll be back soon. Chicken wings. West London, meal. South London pub. DJing somewhere inside. Kent, see grandma. Rave, Bermondsey. Friends from Israel and Germany arrive. More drinks, more drugs. Mixing friends. Gay bar in Bethnal Green for old friend’s birthday. Acid, confused and hilarious. Tate Britain. Serpentine. Cranes on the bridge. Liverpool Street film screening. Feels shallow, but good. Begin regular E Pellici sojourns. Primrose Hill with Dad. Beer festival with Keaton and co. Peckham, school friend’s house, bad vibe. More drinks, more drugs. Working on first music compilation with Slowcook and Fafa. Begin watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies. Watching Breaking Bad. At some point have huge argument with my brother, it went like this: He came home from work and I was sitting watching Breaking Bad, he asks, “Have you been like that all day?” I either took it in the wrong way or picked up on a sly dig. It was probably me, but at this point I was pretty self-conscious and worried about going back to China and whether or not I would have a job back there. Was getting surprisingly pissed off with my brother mentioning his work, felt like an affront to me. Weird. He goes crazy (he has a short fuse), punching a wall, ready to fight me. My mum is pretty upset. A few days later I go into his room and try to patch things up. Turns into a deeper chat. He feels like I haven’t been a good brother to him, he gives the example of not looking out for him on his first days of school. I say I’m sorry, it’s because I’m a bit scared and insecure. In retrospect I regret a little laying so much weakness on the table, seems his interactions/ways of acting around me have changed a bit. Still not sure how I feel about it all. Considered getting a gold tooth with Matthew. Play with cats, enjoying them more and more. Rave in Dalston, good music from Asia and beyond. Looking at magazines. Not doing much work at all. Being out and about instead. Go to Norfolk. It’s beautiful, but get way too drunk on first night, sick everywhere, wake up naked in sick. Massive fucking shitshow. Majority of people there have no choice but to act weirdly around me now, which is understandable. Still some nice aspects. One girl there surely hates me a lot. Tate Modern. Art stuff by self is good. Corsica Studios, semi-art, semi-music event. Mr. Bao for first time of many. Radio in Tottenham. Take drugs. Pubs. Drive to Asda with brother to stock up on food. It’s March and the reality of the pandemic is hitting. More canal cycling. First and only group chat on Zoom. BH Funk. Probably have taken cocaine and messaged one of three or four girls numerous times by now. If there’s one, in the cold light of day, horrible and disgusting thing I’ve done too much this year it’s this. Incessant messaging of poor girls that I know will react (although increasingly they don’t, I manage to alienate even close friends in this way). Southbank and The Mall with Nick. Reading about Wuhan. List of good texts. Continuing to do some writing. Making WeChat posts for guī WeChat, including mix series and miniessays. Greenwich park with Matthew. Grime quiz online. Delivering food regularly for my mum’s school. Hackney Marshes with Luan. Epping Forest with Mum and Dad. By this point probably have woken up feeling sorry for myself in Ludo’s flat, after untold amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Online rave. Beijing artists only mix. Go to Switzerland, pass through Italy on the way. Its breath taking, the mountains, the expanse of scenery, not used to it. Climbing up mountains with no one around. Rolo and Patrick and Rita smoke too much weed. I really, really, really still hate smoking it. Feel a bit annoyed how long we spend sitting around while they smoke, but this is way outbalanced by the uniqueness of where we are and the beauty all around. Producing more and more, actually getting somewhere. Cooking more and more food. Reading more and more, like: Black and British, The Corrections, Real Fast Food, Bass, Mids, Tops, Zadie Smith, Olivia Lang, Graham Greene, JG Ballard, Monica Ali, Mo Yan, Jenny Zhang, John le Carre, Naked Lunch, Nabokov, Bukowski, Zora Neale Hurston, Wiley, Bitcoin, Murakami, Judith E. Butler, The Painter of Modern Life, Maupassant, Chekov, Video Art, Gravity’s Rainbow (couldn’t finish), Anaïs Nin, The Net Delusion (couldn’t finish), The Establishment and how they got away with it (couldn’t finish), Roddy Doyle, The Secret of Scent, General Intellects, Women In Love, The Intelligent Investor, Lyndon Johnson. Victoria Park more often than I can remember. To Chrissy’s house. Mile End Park. Very regularly sitting on the river in Wapping. Bring the chessboard and play Ludo sometimes, people smile and look at you differently when you’re playing chess and drinking beers versus just sitting and drinking beer. I May Destroy You. Industry. The beautiful wide expanse of Hackney Marshes. My incessant quest to reach 1000 followers in Instagram. More cycling, and I hate to say it but it really was: Here there and everywhere. Margate with my Dad to see my grandma in hospital and saw the Turner Prize exhibition. Light blue like scrubs, the sky and sun felt eternal. Swimming in dirty water. Make a DJ mix of old 2000s Road Rap. Eat cheese in Peckham. Cycle along the canal north, keep going and going through Tottenham, past Enfield keep going, it’s mad how quickly it becomes quiet fields on all sides, arrive to some kind of lake, swim and then back to the centre of town. Outside a Hawksmoor church in Shadwell ate chicken with Karim and Ludo. DJing. From my bedroom window saw a big crane in the middle of the night sitting on the canal. Begin developing the second DCCY compilation this time with BULLY magazine. Go to a house in an old school in Camberwell. Discover new secret riverside spots in East London. Finally give up my apartment in Beijing. Mile End park. Cycle further and further East to a pedestrian bridge I didn’t know existed. Get onto the beach and into the Thames water. Interview Akito. Begin writing more, after few months of wiling away the summertime. My friend Emmy gets married in Rwanda, I give him some money as a wedding gift which he tells me he used to buy his wife’s dress. Protests in HK always on TV. Get more into finances, crypto and trading, and just saving in general. Had sex with an old friend. Now meeting a girl I first knew years ago in Beijing. More secret river spots. Keaton has his baby, Noah. More times on Hackney Marshes. Barbican conservatory. Watching more films, try to watch all the films of some directors including: Jia Zhangke, Bong Joon-ho, Edward Yang, Wong Kar-wai, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Decide to watch all of the infamous lauded series, go through Breaking Bad, The Wire and The Sopranos. Go to the seaside for a few days, camping also. Henry Wu album launch in a car park in Bermondsey. Go to visit Keaton’s baby for the first time. Good photography exhibition at Photographer’s Gallery. Go to Wallace Collection again. August. Go to Berlin. Swimming in Berlin lakes until I get an ear infection. It makes me drowsy and lethargic, but still seems to spend all my time cycling around the city. On one night cycle for hours to a rave on the outskirts of the city. Like a lot the abandoned airport in Berlin. Oh yeah, vaping. Found a dead bumble bee. Speak with Nevin about projects. Write a piece about the future of the art world for a magazine being started by Nevin’s friend in Canada. Go to Lithuania. Walk around Vilnius, get too drunk by myself. Get to the Curonian Spit and Nida, beaches and new friends. For the Nightlife Residency project. For a short while life is like on a desert island of new food, new people, new locations, quiet and new meaning. Go to the Russian border on the beach. Cycle to the road boarder and get stopped by the police. Go nude on the beach for the first time. Sauna, sand dunes and forests. DJ out for the first time in ages, this time with Nono. To Kaunus and try nice and stodgy Georgian food for the first time. Hackney Wick back for party. Meet a ginger girl online and go on a date. Wallace Collection again. Free beer and pizza. White Cube. National Gallery, Titian. On BBC Radio London with my Dad. Riverside beers. Saw a lost swan near my front door. Meet Keaton near his work, one of many times. Making more and more music, getting better. Decide I need more organisation and clarity, put everything I’ve done on a blog. More or less long since given up on my job at M Woods. But don’t really begin looking for anything new because it’s still sunny. At some point I start getting benefits money. Go to see La Haine in the cinema. Someone blocks me on WeChat because of me. Some pub somewhere. Sunday walks and breakfast with my parents. Go to an exhibition in Woolworth Road with Muzi. Realise how nice it is to run to Victoria Park along the canal. Vicky Park in general. Dinners at friends’ houses. Museum of London. Walking with Michael in some countryside near London, surprising how quickly things turn green. Break onto a pier in Wapping with Jack. Battersea Park. Tate, Bruce Nauman. Old Street Weatherspoon’s with Keaton, drugs. Central London cemetery. Chinese in Camberwell. Chinese in Aldgate. Italian in Camberwell. More and more exercise, running, weights and yoga with my brother. Sadie Coles. Nick, Central London. Gucci Mane. Hampstead Heath more because Ludo and his flatmates are nearby. Ludo’s now house more for days and nights of you guessed it. Borough Market more, with Emma. Alexandra Palace walk and famous sandwiches after. Tate Britian new lights. More time at Muzi’s. Signing up for cycle courier. LYL Radio show. Shave head. Take acid and it hurts my stomach. Camden Arts Centre with Muzi. Christmas party with friends. Birthday. Cake with Muzi, presents and Indian takeaway from family, walk in Vicky Park with Ludo and Karim plus battered sausage and chips. Christmas at home nice and warming meal. Evening to Ludo’s place with more friends. Boxing day with Matthew, pints and then more at his house in Peckham all night long. Next day is tough! Giant turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey curry. Buy first NFTs. New Year’s Eve stay in at Muzi’s, one drink and a cake.