#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I WISH THEY WERE ALIVE

[deathbxnny]

Hi I would like to request a part 2 of my previous request for the jinx x fem reader with abandonment issues

"I'm sorry you lost your way home." | Jinx x Reader

(Previous part)

I decided to combine these two, so thank you to the anons and their requests!! I hope you'll like this!<33

(I'm sorry in advance-)

Content: Heavy angst, abandonment issues, heavy spoilers for season 2 act 3, hurt/no comfort, established romantic relationships, death, sfw

Reader was asked to be afab in one of the requests. However, no pronouns are mentioned in the post!

((Not proofread))

The first person to visit you after her disappearance was Vi. The sister you had heard so much about, yet never anything good. But it all melted away at her words.

Your ears were ringing, and for a moment, you wondered if you had perhaps heard her wrong. "... Jinx said that she was going to help someone out before she left with Isha. And... And she swore they'd be back. So don't you lie to me-" You took a deep breath when you stumbled back against the doorway, nearly sliding down the rough wood in terror. Oh, how you wished the ground would open up to swallow you whole.

Vi gave you an unreadable look, her hand hesitantly reaching out to grab you, but she refrained at the last second. You meant the world to Jinx. She had asked her to find you just before... "I'm sorry. But what I'm saying is the truth, I-... They are both dead. There is no doubt about it. I saw it with my own eyes both times and... I can't get the images out of my head." Sweat dripped down your forehead as you only barely heard Vi speak to you.

Life was just becoming good for you... so why did this have to happen?

You both had just recently taken in Isha a while ago and were basically treating her as your child. You saw the way she healed Jinx and made her feel more alive. It meant the world to you to see her that way. And for a while, you perhaps even foolishly believed that things would go well now.

You thought about running away together before, in the darkness of your room, as Isha napped in your arms. You remembered turning to her and whispering, "Let's run away. Let's leave on one of the skyship and go somewhere far away... just the three of us." And you saw it in her gentle gaze, the way she considered it... but it meant nothing in the face of a war she had to fight in.

Looking back on it, you should've maybe seen the signs and listened to the uneasy feeling in your gut when the both of them left for a special mission she refused to tell you about. It was for your own safety she'd say and who were you to intervene or deny her orders? She was always so much more intelligent and stronger than you. You just blindly trusted her. You believed she'd return soon just as she's promised... but she never did.

Neither of them did.

It was radio silence for the longest time. And you hadn't moved an inch from the small apartment Jinx considered to be her second hideout with you and your kid. Not when the war broke out, not when there was a call for arms, not when you peeked out for the barricaded windows at the creepy, white machines that slinked right past your hiding space.

And now you wonder, in the haze of uncertainty and panic, if the balloon you had momentarily seen soar through the sky was her after all. Had the denial misled you into a false sense of foolish security? Did you really, fully believe she'd be back for you? That she'd bring Isha home safely and run away at last? Yes. Yes, you did. You believed it... but received a charred part of one of her bombs in return. A confirmation that it was truly over for the family and future you had built together for the shortest amount of time.

"... leave. Please leave. I can't bare looking at you." You gasped out in-between heaving breaths, unable to stand Vi's presence any longer. Everyone was making you feel sick. What's the point of being a savior if you die? What's the point of seeing a hero if you leave behind what you love the most to suffer in agony?

You had waited so long at this wooden door to your once warm home for their return. For her return. Yet all you were greeted with was the one thing that was left of her. A sister she did still love deep down more than life itself. You, however, could only feel rage.

"Wait. She told me to loom out for you. I can't-" "-I said leave! If it wasn't for you, then we could have left and been happy!" You yelled out, suddenly not caring about hurting anyone's feelings anymore. And god did it hurt. It hurt so much. Because Vi still had a piece of her in her. But it wasn't enough. Nothing would be enough in her and Isha's absence.

Slamming the door into Vi's face and locking it for good measure, you finally fall to your knees and clutch the last, charred thing you had of her to your chest, sobbing. You drowned out Vi's yells and bangs against the door whilst you did so, deciding that if you were in agony, then she didn't deserve any consolation either.

Your worst nightmare had come to fruition, just as the last skyship of the day flew into the sky and left its past behind.

[serendipitous-girl]

warnings: suicidal thoughts, ideation, reckless behavior, depression, the works

You don't know the sound of the end until you hear it yourself. The last words you ever hear, are they harsh? Are they loving? Do they beat at your heart until it's a bloody and bruised mess of an organ? Or do they hold onto your fading love and cherish it like a generational heirloom.

Perhaps you did know what it sounded like, although you hadn't realized at the time. Saying the last love yous to your parents, kissing your baby brother's forehead for the last time. Joking around with your friends. It all came to an end, so suddenly and abruptly.

You were a ghost and surely this was some sort of hell. Trapped without those you know, struggling to survive in the strange unknown.

Your heart was empty, drained of all the blood and love it usually needs to survive. You were less than a ghost, you were a corpse. Maybe you should bury yourself alive, let the dirt swallow you whole until you are nothing but fleshy food for the creatures of the ground.

Sometimes, you wondered if you even still had blood beneath your veins. If you were to take a dagger and slice it across your palm, would that ruby red drip past or would it stay silent? Would your body cry out or would you stay forever mute?

How long have you been in this place? Months or years- it was hard to keep track when your brain had shut off long ago. A puppet for others pleasure, to be used and used. He didn't see you, not truly. He just wanted you to be useful, not to be a human.

Did you do something cruel in your old life? Was this some sort of divine punishment? Maybe this was the universe telling you, you don't deserve love or affection. You deserve this.

To be worked like a dog day and night. To be forced to save those you don't even know, all the while sacrificing your own sanity. None of these people can understand the way your body is nothing but a bag measly holding onto your soul when all you wished to do was let go.

Could they see the haunted look in your eyes? The dark bags under them? The sickly pallor of your skin? The way you dragged your feet as if it took too much energy to walk properly.

Or worse, did they see the way you treated your life with reckless abandon? The way you were so willing to die, like you were wishing it might happen already.

The night grows tired and the day awakens, more moments that you are away from your home. A fish out of water, a monster among gods.

You would have to get through another day, you would have to force yourself through it all. Just for those you didn't seem to even care for you nearly as much as you did for them. Would they die for you the way you would die for them? would they live for you the way you are for them?

One day, maybe, you might be able to feel that rope hug your neck. Or feel the liquid fill your lungs like an elixir of peace. One day, you might die. So you can once again feel alive.

But that day is not now, and it feels nowhere close. You have to protect those who can't protect themselves. You need to be there for them, even if they may not return the sentiment. Were you a hero? Perhaps, but it didn't matter. You'd take the chance to die if it were an option.

“Someday,” you whispered, your voice croaky and dry from lack of use, “I will return home.”

lori © 2024. please don't copy, modify, or do anything weird with my writing! i like reblogs and comments but please be kind as this was my writing.

[gay-mousebites-md]

THE BEST EPISODE OF MERLIN!!!

This is such simple story telling, a proper ghost story, lots of jump scares - and, like many horror genre stories, a strong queer subtext.

So, I'm currently getting to the end of Merlin and oh my god is it the gayest thing in the world, where was it when I needed it? Why didn't I watch it? It was literally on telly when I was being homophobically rejected by my family? I've always been an idiot, this is clear. Series 5, Episode 3, The Death Song of Uther Pendragon

“I will not allow you to destroy all that I have built! Camelot must come before all else. Even you.” — Uther to Arthur

This is what homophobic family rejection feels like. To your family, you are a destructive force. Your feelings are a demolition ball. Your peace and happiness means nothing. It is the family image, and the hopes and expectations of the parents that matters more then anything else. You must suffer in the dark. You cannot hope to see the light. It doesn't matter if you're still breathing.

The relationship between Arthur and Merlin in this episode felt like the closest we've seen yet - and this is just after they have fallen asleep in a net trap, with their faces squished together, so that's pretty darn close. (Let's not forget, they are 'more than friends, more than brothers'.) And as they demonstrate closeness, they are assailed by the ghost of Arthur's father. (It's homophobia, guys.) Arthur says repeatedly he has so many things he wanted to say to Uther, that he didn't get to say to him when he was alive. What are these unsaid things? These secrets? What does Arthur wish that Uther had known - and accepted? That he's a beautiful gay boy in love with Merlin? In the land of the dead, Uther does not allow Arthur to speak, but instead details his shame. He is talking about Gwen, but he says: "There are certain things that are more important than love." All of Arthur's actions have been made out of love - his decision to knight the unnoble, to marry 'beneath him' rather then make a strategic alliance. Uther says "How can I be proud of a son who ignores everything I taught him? Who is destroying my legacy?" Uther, over the course of the episode, makes it clear he would rather see Arthur dead before he allowed him the freedom and grace to follow his true will. (HOMOPHOBIA!!!)

Merlin's 'magic' (*wink*) is revealed to Uther - he is, true to form, appalled and repulsed by it. Uther Pendragon: You have magic? Merlin: [quivering with anger] I was born with it! Uther Pendragon: I made you Arthur's servant. You are a sorcerer? Merlin: Even while you were king, there was magic at the heart of Camelot! Uther Pendragon: I will not allow you and your kind to poison… Merlin: You're wrong. Uther Pendragon: …my kingdom! Uther remembers that it was he himself that gave Merlin access to Arthur in close quarters. I think the reading that to 'have magic' is to 'be gay' - a motif anchoring the show, resounds so strongly in this episode. And here, Uther continues in death to rage against allowing magical people to 'poison' the kingdom - in the way that homophobic rhetoric implies homosexuality can be inborn or acquired, but it always corrupts, seduces, pollutes and recruits. Uther is appalled that he positioned Merlin by Arthur's side, and opened him to this poison. Uther, like all ghosts, is vengeful. He has deep shame for the choices Arthur has made, and is making... Uther's attempts to hurt, maim or kill anything that is outside of his conservative approval... if that's not an allegory for homophobic parental rejection, I don't know what is.

Do you have magic? ARE YOU GAY!?

But this episode is bright! And funny! Merlin and Arthur are in each others pockets in this episode. They are always engaging in 'horseplay' but there is so much of it here. There is this act of boundary crossing that causes them both to pause.

ARTHUR: When do I hit you?

MERLIN: All the time.

ARTHUR: That's not hitting, Merlin, that's merely friendly slaps. It's horseplay.

MERLIN: So can I give you a 'friendly slap'?

ARTHUR: You can certainly try.

MERLIN grabs one of Arthur's leather gloves and thwacks him on the back of the head with it. His face is one of immediate regret.

ARTHUR: (Amused) What the hell was that?

MERLIN: It was, um, horseplay.

ARTHUR: No, Merlin, you're doing it all wrong. Why don't I show you? "WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU?"!!!!!!!!!! There is no heterosexual explanation for this one, boys:

There's rough horseplay. There's also tenderness. Arthur can't get enough of Merlin 'teaching him poetry'.

Sir Leon: I'll leave you to your poetry, then, my Lord. Arthur: Poetry? That's the best you could come up with? Merlin: What did you want me to say? Arthur: I don't know. Something that didn't make me sound like a love struck girl. Merlin, could you disguise our behaviour and our surprise, in a way that doesn't position me as 'love struck' and in a reversed gender role? Not today! Subtle as a brick.

And I am LIVING for the moment Uther, positioned between Arthur and Merlin, is forcibly sent back to the land of the dead. In true Merlin style, it is both comedic and devastating. Uther shouts 'MERLIN HAS...!!' before disappearing in a gasp. It's like he's pathetically shouting 'GAYLORD!' as Arthur blows his (own) trumpet and in doing so, drowns him out, and removes him as an obstacle in the way of Merlin. And then Arthur and Merlin are panting and in tears together. I think it is impossible to go through homophobic parental rejection and not be moved by this moment. I was in tears with them ... and laughing! This is a great show.

10 out of 10. I don't know how this thing ends (well, I've read the Thomas Malory...) but this episode alone is one of the best TV things I've seen.

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Thoughts on Scriddler?

This is gonna be a long one, so buckle up...

Firstly, you gotta understand that all that follows is a recollection of the fandom over the years, since 2015 to be exact. Speaking stickily Jonathan Crane fandom, Scriddler has always been the most popular ship for Scarecrow. I couldn't give ya a beginning to this, as even back then I found years old art for Scriddler circulating. Though, tumblr as a social media is where it blossomed.

When I first started this blog, I had my OC to develop and I was very self conscious and unknowingly putting myself through trauma via art school and a lack of disability accessibility. Not gonna get into that, but I was very vulnerable as well as impressionable.

I did NOT like Scriddler, almost detested it. It seemed like it was everywhere, and this was before tumblr had a decent way of blocking. Not that it would have helped, because for some reason i liked suffering. Felt like I deserved to be depressed. Took me a long time to realize blocking content actually made life better aslhkds

Anyways, even early on I had a lot of support, people wanted to know about my OC and cared, but I always felt like I played second fiddle to the holy of holy, Scriddler. And if you've read any of my recent posts, you know I've come to accept that just how it is with OCs. But that doesn't mean I didn't get my fair share of anon hate, suicide threats, etc. The fandom was not always welcoming. Or perhaps there was just a minority who loved to abuse the anon function. (if you think there's a lot of drama today, you were not there when it was bad)

It took me a LONG time to grow to like Scriddler. I used to feel like they had very little in common, and it bothered me that most of the art was majorly sexual. That's a whole 'nother can of worms, but ya know. I don't hate Scriddler today, which should be obvious seeing as I reblog it now. Though, I like Hattercrow a tad more.

A lot of this was my own internal issues, though the fandoms penchant to take two males who never interact and ship them, suffice to say is alive and strong. Nicely enough however, there has been more "Scriddler" like content from comics. (I say this loosely, but they do interact quite a bite more than they did ten years ago)

Scriddler, and to a lesser, Hattercrow, is a ship you either love or hate. Except me. I kinda fall in the middle. Though I feel it's worth mentioning that Scarecrow has had his fair share of female/female presenting ships too, and as much as I hate to say it, they're generally disliked by the greater fandom. (or simply ignored) We all know why. I've mentioned this before. :/ and I've had close friends give up on their ships because of it. Just like me. I gave up. I hat admitting that, but I can't compete with Scriddler.

I wish there was a way to change that, but I wouldn't know were to start. That's why I try to support OCs for example, someones gotta do it. I can't let another person go through what I went though.

TL;DR: Sciddler is not a bad ship, I don't dislike it anymore, but don't think I'm not silently side eyeing the loud minority who shit on anyone for even thinking Jonathan could love a woman. Ya know, despite canon only showing evidence for that.

[prouc]

Hiiiieeeeyo!! This one’s self indulgent 😣!! But a ghost/aparation/poltergeist whatever-you-wanna-call-it reader x Art?? And even more self indulgent, they were lovers when the reader was alive?

OF COURSE!!!!!!! I LOVE THE IDEA SO MUCH

AFTER DEATH DO US APART

I have always been an atheist, I lived laughing when people promised me that there was an afterlife, or some kind of omnipotent god who was always watching, but after being dead for almost ten years now, the only thing I can say, is, I wish that was the case.

Instead of the black hole of nothingness I expected when I died in that car acident, I was met with the fate of being an entity, not a zombie as I first supposed, as no one could exactly see me and I couldn't have contact with anything. I ended up with a fate worse than death itself, the absolute boredom of just being able to watch...

I decided to ''make the most'' of my situation and follow my family around, while also trying to decipher what the hell I was, I didn't think ghosts existed, but it also appeared I was the only one too with this sick fate....Was this some kind of punishment from the same god I mocked years ago...?

I don't know, but I felt lonely, of course I would, there was no one to talk to... or to even touch. I said earlier I tried to follow my family around, making sure they were doing okay, but one person I wasn't being able to find was my boyfriend, I got into the car accident with him but after years of searching, or stalking my family waiting if they said something about him, I was met with nothing, no words were spoken, his name vanished from their tongues, from their memory...But how could that had happened..?

Was he also a ghost...? Was he some kind of creature now..? I could feel my (not-there) head hurting somehow each time I thought too much in the matter, and I decided to drop it. While deciding to investigate some new faces from my childhood neighborhood, I ended up ''staying for dinner'' with a family of four, the couple had a little girl and a boy, and they seemed happy enough for me to stick around to lift my spirits (get it?). I was laying on the sofa, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about my old life, how I missed my dairy cup of coffee, touching myself, my boyfriend's lips on my cunt as I gripping his hair-...You know, the pleasurable things about life.

While I dreamed off my existence, I didn't hear the front door being slammed open, when I finally noticed someone was inside the house was when I heard screams from the mother of those kids, telling them to run. I immediatly fell to the floor, and as if the intruder could see me, I hid out of instict behind the couch I was laying pacefully before. Peeking out when I saw the little girl hiding in a cupboard on the floor, seeing a male walking towards said cupboard, he had probably heard her sobs through the wood, shit.

I stepped out, I knew I couldn't touch anything or anyone, let alone save that poor girl that was going to be murderer by what appeared to be...a clown...?

It was wearing a black and white pattern costume, black fluffy pom poms and a small top hat, but was made me widen my eyes was the blood that tinted and drenched the costume and the man, he was gripping an axe, wriggling his fingers on it as he silently made his way to the cupboard the girl used as hideout. Maybe it was the shock or my memories, but right away, I didn't recognize such familiar costume...

As the clown opened the cupboard, I threw myself on him, and surprisingly, my fingers made contact with the back of costume, my arms quickly wrapping around his shoulders as I made both of us fall down on our back. Maybe it had been a bad idea, because for the first time in ten years, that hurt like shit. I coughed and tried to roll on top of him as the girl ran through the opened front door, I strandled his hips, jaw clenched in pain and tension as I sat on top of him, my hands grabing his collar when my heart dropped.

''What the actual fuck-?'' I asked to no one as my head decided to iluminate me with the recognition of my boyfriend from ten years ago, the one who supoosedly died too...But now was changed- Now was covered in blood, Shit- his fucking costume. This was his costume when he acted on the circus-

The clown stayed in what appeared to be shock too- before he dropped his widened eyes and parted lips, which were now painted black, clenching his jaw and hardening his glare immediatly, kicking my side, and surprisingly again, it made contact. I was threw to the floor next to him and clunched my side, coughing.

''Damnit- What the hell are you doing, Arthur-?!'' I asked, not letting myself froze in shock from this whole ordeal. He then turned the tables, me strandling him but under, him between my legs, the axe forgotten on the floor too away from me to stab some sense into his head.

I looked at him with ragged breaths, gulping softly as he just looked down at me, eyes devoid of any emotion apparent, black holes staring into my own, frightened from what I have seen him covered with, imagining what he had done to that poor family. We tayed in silence for what appeared to be a long time before his right hand shoot up, I flinched, gasping softly and almost daring to close my eyes when his hand made soft and gentle contrast with my skin...The first time in a long time I have been touched this gently...like he used to. I could feel my eyes softening, almost forgetting in what ways we had met again. His face hadn't ''changed'' but it was as if his facial features were more pronunced, as if they were prosthetics, his eyes dead and his face decorated with the exact same makeout he did for his shows, those same shows I attended...

''What has happened to you, my love...? Where have you been...? I have- I have searched for you so much...'' I said softly, he ''seemed'' angry, serious or just silently devoid of any emotion, but the way he caressed my cheek, his thumb on my lower lip, slightly parting my lips as he used to...He had changed, and I was sure he also wasn't human, but right now, when his eyes also softened and changed when I spoke, almost looking gulty but still not parting his lips to explain himself, to tell me what has happened.

He shook his head silently at me, his eyes holding the first emotion I have seen on him since I met him again, sadness. His eyes slowly lifted from my figure to my own and he leaned closer, his hands coming down to my shoulders, as if he was trying to hug me, as if that motion he had done again and again years ago, it was now unusual, as if he hadn't hugged in a long time...

I instinctively hugged him back, almost crying when my hands made contact with something again, with him...

''Why...Why don't you-'' I gulped again, feeling a knot in my throat from all the unspoken emotions from the two of us. ''Arthur...Why don't you speak to me...? Are you okay...-?'' I tried again, and i could almost feel him flinch the moment i mentioned his name, his head resting on my chest as he did years ago, his hands ever so slightly trembling as he cradled me, and he shook his head again.

''You can't...speak?'' I asked in a whisper, almost scared of the answer, afraid that something had happened to my love...even if he was trying to kill a poor girl moments ago.

He nodded, his grip becoming tighter before he lifted his head, black eyes looking into mine. I furrowed my eyebrows in worry, this time it was my grip which tightened, I parted my lips shakily to speak, my hand caressing his cheek as he looked up to me, he felt broken, like someone had corrupted him, taking away the soul of my Arthur, using it to create such crimes...

''Please tell me what happened- I thought you died...There has to be away for you to...tell me.'' I said in barely a whisper, but he heard me, looking away furrowing his eyebrows tightly, a thin line as his mouth as he shook his head, as if he couldn't tell me anything.

I parted my lips to talk again, not understanding anything at all. How was it possible that he could touch and see her while everyone else couldn't, why was he alive and why was she not able to find him after all these years. Why the fuck was he hurting people, were those prothetics...? What was he now...?

But before I could make a sound, as if he knew what I was going to interrogate him with, he lowered his head again towards my chest and collarbone, and I thought he was just going to ignored me before I gasped from the sudden sensation on my higher collarbone. His grip tightened around me, and I could feel my thoughts being ''ripped apart'' from my brain to focus on the kisses and little nips he was giving me.

''Art-Arthur...-! Wait- We have so much to talk-'' I bit my lower lip at the rather ''hard'' nip he gave to my neck on my pulse point, my legs wrapping around his hips as he began to suck and tease all my collarbone, his hands grazing my sides, almost impatiently. It was as if he had changed, no, as if he had been modified, corrupted into a much harsher Arthur...and it almost felt wrong to call him that.

My hands grabbed his shoulders and I tried to push him away before I gasped in delight as he pushed himself higher, kissing ever so softly the side of my lips, one of his hands quickly going behind my head nad pushing my lips agaisnt his own eagerly, as if he had also been waiting for this, and also wanted me to forget about what had happened.

I fluttereed my eyes close as our lips finally made the contact I had been dreaming for years, my hands weakening instantly and going up to cup his face, making out with him in a gentle but familiar way we both learned to love, at least ten years ago. His other hand eagerly caressing down my body before stopping at the hem of my pants, I could feel my pussy throb the instant he decided to put his hand around the hem of the constricting clothes, and pull them down, leaving me in my shirt and undearwear, my pants forgotten on the floor. He never once stopped cupping the back of my head, remembering the movements he had to make with his lips in order for me to melt in his touch.

His bloodied fingers ripped my underwear, his new eager and harsh side showing, and I don't know if I should like it this fucking much- My eyebrows furroweed in pleasure as my legs were parted open by him, two fingers finally finding my clit, instantly moving them in circles, making me buckle my hips from the friction I needed after years of being a fucking ghost and moans escaping my lips between kisses. I didn't open my eyes, I didn't need to look up to know how fucking bad he was grinning, as he always did, knowing how to make me drunk of his touch and abusing that power while also teasing me about it. In this moment, I didn't care that he had probably killed that family, they could go to hell for all I care...

After everything I have been through, I only wanted one thing, and it was him. Even if he had changed, even if he was now a damn monster who killed for fun or who knows why, if that was my Arthur now...then so be it.

I didn't see him smile, but I felt it between kisses, as he began to move his fingers faster, almost too painful for my unused and needy clit. My core throbbed again, harder this time, advising me that I was going to come, and rather quickly, but that was normal considering I hadn't been able to touch myself or be touched for a fucking long time.

''Art-'' He stopped me with a kiss, I could taste his black lipstick at this point, and I probably looked like a mess.

''I'm going- fuck, please don't stop, please don't stop....'' I whispered like a mantra, finally teethering against the edge after so long and letting out a whispered moan, my hands gripping his shoulders, hips shaking, my moans silenced by his lips.

While I came down from my orgasm, he continued kissing and nipping my skin, backing away to glance into my hazy eyes and parted lips, panting raggedly, almost not registering the sound of his costume being pulled off.

As he put himself betweem my legs again, I subconsciously parted my legs and wrapped them around hips, my hands grabbing his jaw and lowering his face towards mine, immediatly kissing him again, more needy this time, my hands behind his head, feeling how he positioned himself agaisnt my wet and aching folds. Unspoken emotions and words being thrown as kisses, as touches, as his hips slowly but securely pushing himself inside of me, forcing a pained moan to come out of my lips, furrowing my eyebrows slightly, nipping his lower lip out of pain.

He was finally halway in and it felt as if my pussy had missed him, streching itself to adjust to his girth, aching uncontrollably and making him groan without any sound against my lips, slowly moving his hips to enter me completely, the head of his cock caressing my walls each time he moved, pressing himself tighly against my cervix before he backed his hips and began to snap forward, repeating the movement without mercy for my sensitive cunt.

''Art-Arthur- fuck- it feels so good...so fucking good'' I repeated, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as I gripped his shoulders, nails digging in his skinw ithout shame, but he seemed to not care, just focused in rolling his hips in the way I used to love.

I don't even remeber how many times I came, how much I moaned his name, how many tears rolled down my cheeks from overstimulation. But him being between my legs, huffing silently, kissing my tears away gently as he pounded into me, grabbing my body with his hands tinted with the blood of that family, it felt right, as if I could only be seen, be touched when it was him who handled me,who placed his gaze on me, as it was.

Okay, finally finished!

Disclaimer: It is bad, cringe and poor written, I know.

Explaining: I will explain what really happened, Arthur (Art) and the reader (you) had a car accident ten years ago, resulting in the death of both of you, but an entity (probably the same entity who grants Art immortality in the movies), makes a deal with Arthur before he dies, if he follows his commands, turning him in a puppet to commit crimes, he will keep you safe, and will eventually see you again. Both Arthur and the reader begins to lose their humanity, their memories, the feelings of the real worlds but in diferent aspects and intensities, until they meet again.

Art can't tell the reader anything as it was a deal he made with the entity and decides to distract her by the way he used to when they were alive.

Art is then the only one who can see and touch the reader, as it was promised and granted by the entity, that's why she is a ''ghost'' until Art touches her.

[luxheroica]

under your tree (3/3)

Part 3/3 - Ekko, ???, and the tree. An epilogue

Thank you to everyone who has enjoyed along the way, thank you for allowing me to express how much I love these two characters.

Part 1

Part 2

Also on AO3

---

How he drags himself back up after the memorial, Ekko will never quite be sure. 

The Firelights need him. Zaun needs him, now more than ever, and after everything he gave his promise. It’s harder than it ever was before, to get back up and keep at it. His fight was always about making the city better for his people– and now there are so few of them left. 

But he’s damned if he’s going to just give up. 

I’ve never seen you give up on anything, Ekko.

He wanders until he’s at the tree. The leaves are green and vital, the arcane spillover that was slowly poisoning the ancient tree gone with Viktor’s final sacrifice. The Firelights still call it their home– only it is no longer a closely guarded secret. Any who wish to come can, and there they can find a meal and a warm drink and a place to mourn their dead and a warm hand to hold. 

“How did you do it?” he’d asked that other-Vander, on one of his few-and-far-between breaks from building the Z-Drive. “How did you unify Zaun? With all the warring factions and everyone out for themselves…” 

And Vander had smiled and said, “Mostly, some cussed good luck. But I’ll tell you what, it started with building a community right here– and then fighting for it.” 

And Ekko is trying to build a community where he is. Some days it’s harder than others. 

There isn't any space left on the wall to depict those they’ve lost along the way, and he doesn't even know all their faces to draw them anyways. 

He easily finds the drawings that Jinx made, with their neon bright colors standing out from all the rest. He traces the paint with his hands. 

After the battle was over he looked for her. He found Vi instead, broken and grieving. Her reaction told him all he needed to know. 

How many times do I have to lose you? 

He still remembers the time they spent together. Too short, and an eternity all at once. It hadn’t been easy– her pain had come spilling out of her in explosive ways, and his caution had time to rear its ugly head– but in those scant days they had found a kind of equilibrium between them. Working on turning her lab into a flying weapon of war, intertwining their ideas together until at last they had something that might turn the tide of Ambessa’s ambition. In the quiet moments, Ekko dying her hair and Jinx altering his clothes (which didn't always remain on), and kissing her until they were both breathless. 

It reminded him sometimes, of that other Powder in the other universe. Building something together, something that would help the world. 

And now she is dead. 

He traces the lines of her drawing with his fingers. Misses her. 

Then he starts to paint. There is no space on the wall and so he covers the lines of Powder's portrait with Jinx. Changing her hair, updating her eyes, turning her at last into an older version of herself. 

At last his hands are covered in blue paint, but there she is– immortalized on the wall. Another one of his ghosts. 

“You really think I'm dead, huh?” 

Ekko whirls around. The figure coming towards him is wrapped in a cloak. She walks with a limp and her face is scarred. There is still a trace of telltale blue peeking out from underneath her hood. 

“Wha–how–?” 

He stares dumbfounded as she takes down her hood. She is unmistakably Jinx. There is a wide burn scar across half her face, but still she grins and she is as wild and as vital as ever.

“Miss me?” 

Ekko rushes forward. Envelops her in a crushing hug. She nearly buckles under his weight. “Easy there tiger–” she starts to say, and then he kisses her. She relaxes into the kiss. 

Ekko pulls back, not quite sure if she's real… but she is. He cradles her face between his hands. “How are you–?” 

“Alive? Blast knocked me clear,” Jinx explains succinctly. “Then I think one of those hexgate things activated and I got tossed halfway to Kumangra. It’s been a wild ride getting back, believe me.” 

Ekko laughs. It bubbles up out of him, unable to be suppressed. He’s just… happy. “You’ll have to tell me all about it.” 

“Someday, maybe.” And her tone isn’t like he’s ever heard it, not for years. It’s far off and quiet. 

Ekko takes her hand in his. Holds it tight. Holds onto her. 

“Have you told Vi?” he asks. “That you’re alive?” 

She shakes her head. And from the set of her mouth– wistful, resigned– he knows that she doesn’t plan to. 

“Jinx is dead, remember?” she gestures up to the portrait he’s just finished painting for her. “It’s better for her– better for everyone– if she stays that way. If she remembers me as the sister who saved her, maybe she can finally let me go. But, I wanted you to know.”

She turns towards him, and her expression is fond and faraway.  

Ekko understands in that moment that she’s not staying. He twines his fingers tighter with hers, like he might hold her here by the strength of his will alone. But holding onto her is light holding onto an explosion– the tighter you try, the more it will hurt. 

He relaxes his grip, and her fingers slip from his. 

“When am I gonna stop losing you?” 

His voice is choked. 

She smiles, leans forward and kisses the bridge of his nose. “Hey,” she says. “If you keep losing me, I guess that means I always come back, right?” 

He smiles slowly. Her fingers find his and they gently twine together. Not clutching or holding tight just touching. For this moment and this moment alone. 

“Like a lucky penny.” 

She laughs. Looks up, and her face is dappled with golden light. “Or a tree, that just keeps coming back.” 

“Where are you gonna go?” 

She cocks her head. Shrugs her shoulders. He thinks, she has finally shed the weight of everything weighing her down. “No clue. Somewhere far away. Someplace that’s never heard of Piltover or Zaun or any of this.” 

“I want to ask to come with you,” Ekko admits. 

Jinx smiles. She understands him, maybe better than anyone else ever has. “But you won’t. Cause you’re the Boy Savior, and this place needs you.” 

Zaun and Piltover are to be one city. A common enemy has forged them into one being. Sevika apparently got herself a place on the council. He hopes it will stick. But he knows that their problems aren’t so easily solved, and old hatreds have a way of rearing their ugly heads, and without some threat breathing down their necks people will remember the old ways of power and privilege. In the meantime, somebody’s got to be here to build something worth hanging onto. 

“You could do a lot of good here,” Ekko offers. 

Jinx’s answering look is wistful and sad. “I think I would have liked that– just building things with you.” 

Ekko nods. It hurts, right in that place to the left of his ribcage, but it’s a different kind of ache from before. This, he thinks, is more manageable. She laces her fingers between his and kisses him slowly and deliberately and he knows it is goodbye. Ekko savors the taste of her, presses back into her, making sure she won’t forget him. 

Then she pulls away. Untangles their fingers. She takes two steps away and hops off the platform, and Ekko remains at the tree watching her go. She wanders off, still dappled by that sunlight, light as the wind. 

Sometimes taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind. 

What’s one more goodbye?

He isn’t expecting her to turn back, to look over her shoulder at him. 

“Five years,” Jinx calls. Ekko raises his eyebrows at her. “Give me five years– to get my head on straight, to see the world, to figure out who I’m gonna be next. If you’re here in five years– meet me here.” 

“I’ll hold you to that,” Ekko shouts back. “Shine the place up nicely for you!” 

“You’d better!” 

She throws a peace sign over her eye. Grins. 

And then she is gone. 

Ekko waits for a long time. Leans against the wall and watches the patterns of green-and-gold light from the leaves of the tree. Then at last he looks up at her portrait on the wall and sighs. Smiles.

“Well, time to get to it.” 

---

True to her word, she comes back. True to his word, he is waiting. 

[nervouswhizkid]

i. am so mad. i'm mad at season 4 and at every one of you that interacted with my last post abt vld season 3. i know u were all sitting there giggling at me as i walked into s4 knowing full well it was going to destroy me. no WARNING??? i don't even want to sit down and write about it, i'm gonna start crying all over again

i hate that keith left the team. i have to actually practice breathing techniques right now because it's making me so mad omg. i know i said last time that voltron without lance was unthinkable, but i didn't mean that keith should leave. THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!!!! that also means that there was less keith (and klance) content this season, which i take personally. they did that to hurt me specifically. and on top of that, the team was being so mean about keith's wavering priorities. i feel like when anything goes wrong, with lance and keith specifically, everyone is so mean to them??? god forbid they make a mistake or have personal struggles, DAMN

i feel like this screencap says it all.

guys how about let's talk to each other instead of being passive aggressive and icing people out (i do want to point out though that lance seems more sad/disappointed here than anything. my little klance heart is breaking 😭) AND THIS SCENE??

the moment i realized keith was about to walk in my stomach dropped. they all look so angry and here comes Mister Puppy Eyes McGee. i actually can't take it that's my son everyone leave him alone!!! 🤺🤺🤺🤺 i know they had a big group hug after but that's not good enough for me, they should have tied keith up or handcuffed him to the ship, or something. WHY ARE WE LETTING HIM GO WITH THE BLADE OHMYGODDDD

look at this, like??

the camera setup is what gets me. you have keith smiling with all of his friends in the background and then it swaps to a dark, yawning hallway with the most heartbreaking frown on his face. that doesn't look like someone sure of their decisions to me. this boy is in pain!! i'm also just confused about shiro being able to pilot the black lion. maybe confused isn't the right word, but i'm not sure how to describe it. i'm not convinced?? black already denied him, so why now? i kinda feel like it would've been better had he not tried to reconnect with her at the end of last season, because there was no suspense for me this time. the moment he decided to go try again i was like "oh it's gonna work this time isn't it" i get that it's likely black could sense keith's internal struggles and feel him pulling away and maybe that's why she gave shiro a second chance, but shiro becoming the black paladin again gave keith the excuse to leave, because why do they need him now? they have a black paladin, and it's not him. but to me, it should have been. he went through all of that growth last season, and for what?? just to abandon them when things get rocky?? ugh, i hate this!!

i can't even talk about episode 2 without crying, so just know that i'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face as i write this. i was really excited to finally get some closure on the whole pidge-missing-family mystery, considering that's been a subplot since the beginning of the show. as much as this episode broke my heart, i really did love it. they executed it so well. the scene where pidge lands on that planet with the graves? and they're running and pleading for it to not be true, all the flashbacks of cherished memories and images of matt? dropping to her knees in front of his grave in disbelief??

now that's fucking cinema. you best believe i was bawling my eyes out the whole time. i have a little sister and our relationship is very similar to pidge and matt's, so this was just excruciating. i'm very glad he wasn't actually dead, but part of me almost wishes he was? that sounds SO dark, i hope you guys get what i mean. they just put the audience through the absolute wringer and then they're like "oh, actually he's still alive LOL gotcha!" and that makes me really happy for pidge, but man, what a plot twist that would have been. they've been searching for their brother all this time, so you expect some kind of payoff for dedicating so much time to that storyline, but what if he was just dead?? and there was nothing she could do?? wow this is painful to talk about why did i start watching this show if there's a fic where someone explores that possibility then pls share, for some reason i want to torture myself again, i just love how they did this episode. it's very trope-y, but sometimes you just have to lean into it and enjoy, and this was one of those times

the classic fighting-each-other-unknowingly and middle-of-the-fight-identity-reveal? i'll eat it up every time!!

real talk though why is matt so attractive 😏

soo, zarkon is back. fantastic. do he and haggar just not care about each other?? they haven't mentioned the fact that they're married at all and haggar basically still acts like his loyal follower. i'd entertain the thought that maybe it's been so long that it just doesn't really matter to them anymore, but haggar sounded like she actually cared when she realized they were husband and wife last season. but now it's like nothing happened?? i don't expect them to act all lovey-dovey, but there wasn't even a single line of acknowledgment. and i still cannot understand what lotor's plans are. what is his agenda? he wasn’t bothered at all by zarkon reclaiming the throne, and even went to the trouble to make them think he cared. he got that comet and made a couple of ships, but i still don't know what he plans to do with them. also– i can't believe he killed narti!! i know, i was literally just talking about how she specifically frustrated me, but i was so not expecting their death. i get why he did it, but now the rest of his group doesn't trust him.

i'd say that the one bright spot in this season was episode four. that episode was just so silly and gave me so much secondhand-embarrassment i actually had to look away at times LMAO is this where we got the whole Loverboy Lance and Lone Wolf Keith thing from?? i thought that was purely fandom-made, i was not expecting to hear that in an actual episode. talk about whiplash. and we got this ICONIC scene:

he did that wayyy too naturally. lance, buddy, got anything to share?

i really would have loved to see keith with the team during that episode. i can just imagine how he would've reacted to having to do all of that stuff. god, that would've been hysterical!! the images of the parasite in coran's brain made me gag though, was that really necessary🧍‍♀️

i don't have a ton to say about the final episodes. i mean, it was two episodes of them fighting on naxzela. it was definitely a bit of an avengers endgame feeling with all people they helped in previous seasons showing up to fight, so that was cool! i'm curious as to what purpose naxzela served to the galra empire though. were they always planning to use it as a bomb? and couldn't they still do that technically? they only broke the witches connection with it, so all they'd have to do is get another ship out there and she could do it again. what do you even do with a planet like that?? just destroy it?? i also just want to point out that lance said they should get out of there immediately, and nobody listened!! and then five seconds later they were like "oh no, we need to get out of here!" justice for lance i stg ohmygod and LOTOR is on their side now?!?!?! i actually can't wait to see how this plays out!! total transparency, i love atla and i could absolutely see this being a zuko redemption arc situation. it's clear his parents don't like him at all (are they actually heartless or something??) so why not join the other side!! I'M HERE FOR IT

i have to be honest, this definitely wasn't my favorite season. we're getting into the later seasons and i've heard plenty about how the writing goes a little left-field (though i'm not sure when that happens. most people seem to agree season 8 is shit, but i've heard complaints about s6-7 as well) so we'll just have to see! i'm sticking it out as best i can🚶‍♀️‍➡️ onto season 5!

[skoff-the-artist]

Finished arcane s2 yesterday...

You know what? It's good, okay.

I wish the story had 5 seasons to unfold instead of 2. The end product feels really cramped, unfortunately, and I liked the pacing only in ep7 i think, overall it's very saturated w different major events, and my head was hurting at ep8-9.

I think animators, artists and writers did their best condensing the story into 2 seasons. Could be better w 5, but it's not their fault it's 2 instead, alr. Arcane is beautiful, and as an artist I appreciate it the most.

Powder and Ekko? Peak. My boy had his own multiverse thing going. Episode 7 made me really happy.

Jinx is alive and that's basically a confirmed fact. Loved her design AND her hair changes this season. Did Ekko help her cut her hair extra short like she has it in the last ep, I wonder..🤔god, these two.

Jayce's little silent hill? LEAVE MY CANCELLED WIFE ALONE!!!!!!

Viktors new body? Ehhh. It's too organic for my liking, but I guess it works :p the third arm seems a bit out of place in this design tho

Jayvik? Don't even talk to me. It's peak fiction. Even ao3 could never reach this LEVEL. They be getting FREAKY w it. And it's basically canon too! So much love for them both.

CaitVi? Still don't like 'em, sorry. At least Vi deserves better than what she got imo... I don't really like Cait as a person. As a character she's alright. I was happy when they were happy and was sad when they were sad, but ultimately this ship isn't for me. Maybe if it was done differently, I'd like it more🤔..

Mel is MY WIFE🙏✨got her glow up when I thought she's perfect already. Loved her arc and her new abilities.

Hate that Piltover wasn't held accountable for its crimes against Zaun🙂they just glossed over one of the main plot points of the show, smothering it with the noxian war plot or whatever.

So, yeah, that's what I think about it all. I have more things to say, but my eng vocab prob won't let me explain everything the way I want to. Many people on Twitter said it better and noticed more details than I did, so I'll just stick to liking their thoughts for now and pour my heart out on Tumblr instead.

[mengyan]

i had been made into an archer, the shadows suiting me best; you were a sun-bright girl forced into immortality, eternal servitude to chosen sacrifice for the people.

i think the first thing you taught me was absurdity. no one that knew me ever dared— through these years i’d become as much of a man as the rest, and it was rare for someone to think of wanting me. not that you did— did you? did you want me, wen xiao, or did you not think so much and just trusted that i would catch you?

sleep was always restless when it came. the heartbreak in a-heng’s new-blue eyes always marked the end of my dreams, because i was too afraid back then to turn around and see the rest of him. one month was enough to grow sick of my chambers, and i retired only when i could no longer keep my eyes open.

but then: a forest, a sea. fog cleared and the ink of you kissed my palm, calling me awake.

xiao, for daybreak, but if i allowed my tongue to loosen just the slightest— xiao, for you.

was it then that i became unable to see much else? was it then when i started seeking you first in every room, your voice in every pitch, your hands, arms, fingers touching mine— and me racing to reach you before you changed your mind? was it then that my heart wavered, and i thought, perhaps, that the dark wasn’t so lonely after all?

i never intended to keep you. i knew your eyes strayed elsewhere— i always noticed you first, but so did he, and him, and everyone that has ever met you. the fate of a goddess, maybe, to be beloved by all, to spill her love as floods to the people— but i knew you had long found your home in the soul of one. bloodbound by contract, kindred through heart and mind— how often i’d find myself rushing to stand before you only for him to already be there. 

the place by your side was never meant to be filled by me. but wen xiao, i’m no less absurd than you taught me to be. i would pray to a false god if it would make you safer; i would shoot even at the heavens if they tried to take you. flesh and blood is all i can offer you— is it too much to let me shield you with it?

later the worst of winter stole away your beloved, your closest friend, but kept me. still alive, rosy-cheeked and frostbitten on my knees in front of you, but the snow might as well have buried me too. live with me, die with them— and you picked up the dagger.

what does that mean, wen xiao? what am i supposed to do about what that means? you pulled me from the abyss, but am i not worthy enough to do the same for you?

the cold began to cling to me. one by one we lost the best and bravest of us, and i could do nothing to stop it. i thought myself useless, a drag, but you took my hand and said, so earnest, so warm, so thawing— i need you. you wouldn’t lie to me, but how badly i wish it were the truth.

it had been at least four fortnights since i’d ceased being afraid, since the fears in my heart stopped festering. they never disappeared, but i could stare at them head-on now, knowing that what a mortal lacks is only the difference of a body. you said that you thought of me as irreplaceable, and so i believed that’s what i was.

a fool’s tenacity is, perhaps, the strongest of all.

i woke to everyone but three gone, your tears pouring from the skies. he left to him white streaks in his hair, horseback roaming, world seeking; he left to you an age-old vow on paper, in jade, an impermanent parting, a once-more isolation.

and you left to me not even a farewell.

how is it that the demon hunting bureau is fuller than ever yet so grave with silence? how is that what i guard is no longer home to anyone that used to live in it?

i must be going mad, sometimes, to hear bells that no longer ring, bickering that never ends, idioms i’ll never be able to correct; to smell food i’ll never taste again, wine i’ll never get to drink, sulfur from cases unsolved; to see golden eyes, the rustle of notebook pages, the swoop of a brush— and feel the lilt of you, so willing for me to stay.

and so, absurdly, ridiculously, stupidly— i’m still here, wen xiao, and this is how i’ll remain. come and see me just once, and ask me what i asked you. three hundred years in a sundial: was it hard? the rest of my life with only your memory to keep me company— i’ll answer you the same.

don’t you want to know what my big-as-him secret is? i’ll give you a hint: if you see him in the rain, i see you in stone. just as pillars hold up these roofs, this city— the cliff i hung from was too-steep, yet you held me by the soles of my feet, dug yourself into my palms, and said look up, pei-jiejie. dawn has come.

the morning will always return after night. but wen xiao, when will you?

[slut-and-falcon]

OKAY IM BACK AND JUST WATCHED THE WICKED PART 1 MOVIE.

-it was so very gay! But there was still a lot of queer baiting, in the sense that our main 3 characters had overtly queer overtones and flirted with people of the same sex, but we never saw or was told of any overt physicality. There were a lot of queer extras though- like Bowen Yang as Pfanne! I liked the LGBTQ+ representation much better in the movie version than the stage version.

- they still casted a white Fiyero 😔. However I do like how the actor played Fieryo- like that man is a pansexual slut (not a slur but a lifestyle), and isn’t a complete asshole like he is in the beginning of the stage musical. But the blue dimonds??! Please have them in part 2!

- the music was fantastic!

-the visual beauty of this film- wow! That opening scene?!! I immediately need a Universal Studios version of the 4D Avatar Disney ride but as a flying monkey traveling through Oz.

-no Crope or Tibbit 😭

- no Quadding mention even though it’s in the fucking lyrics! Like that intro scene to Shiz where it’s under water- they could have had rubies in the sandbank!

- the Animal animation was okay, better than the Lion King. I liked they they didn’t try to make the animals bipedal. Kinda wished they would have had the Tiktoks murder Dillamond, but I understand the rating of the movie. It’s just a pivotal part of Elphaba’s radicalization though

- the marketing is literally just like Huger Games…like yall don’t know what this musical is about so you? lol

-I liked the Wizard- good casting choice! I would have loved to see a more tender moment between Elphaba and the Wizard tho, like some tears of gratefulness maybe? Really well home the betrayal

- I wanted more of Fiyero’s culture! AND OMG THEY CALLED HIM THE WINKIE PRINCE instead of the Vinkus. Like WINKIE is a slur! I would have loved to see Fiyero correct people on that terminology- show that he and his people are experiencing some oppression from greater Oz

- the bullet train- love it

-loved Elphaba and Nessa being mixed race (which makes sense), and Elphaba having micro braids! I loved how she looked! It also keeps the interracial relationship between Elphaba/Glinda/Fiyero alive.

-they mention the Time Clock Dragon but never explain it! :(

- Elphaba is very feminine…which okay. I wish she wasn’t but I also understand that they at least had a queer women play her.

Overall- great fucking movie, loved it way more than the stage musical. I’m going to go rewatch it in theaters with my mom.

My predictions for the wicked movie knowing Hollywood if they include elements of the book (which they should!!!):

-queer bait the shit out of Elphaba and Glinda

-they hired a white guy to play Fiyero so I’m betting they may attempt the whole subverting the race power dynamics thing instead of yknow sticking with the very clear allegories in the book. They also won’t let Fiyero wear his cultural clothing, instead sticking with a very boring suit or shirtpants

-make Elphaba very feminine…I swear the god if they don’t give her a too big man’s coat she wears in the book I will fight someone

- more of a tiktok thing that will happen: ‘Blue diamonds on a green field’ romance trend

-either they will focus too much on the Time Clock Dragon or not at all despite it’s importance to the plot

-if Crope and Tibbit are included, they either will not verbally queer but will either wear leather or have colored hankies (cuz the costume department knows what they are doing), or they will be the opposite of yassified

-they won’t show Tibbit (I think it’s him) in hospice dying of what is implied to be HIV/AIDS (which omg is such a large part of the plot and culture of which it was derived from! The whole ‘friends of Dorthy’ + queer women having to step up and care for queer men during HIV/AIDS crisis in the 80s and 90s and still to this day!!! There is so much subtext in that few pages!)

-the genocide of the Quaddlings for their land’s rubies won’t be mentioned or if it is they will ‘holocaust’-ify it and it will be very disrespectful

-they won’t make the Wizard like ale enough. The whole point in the musical is that he is so charming that even Elphaba is tempted. A fatherly actor, Tom Hanks??, should play the Wizard 🫢

-the Animal animation will either be extremely bad (like the Lion King remake), which is most likely, or they won’t use it at all. And tbh I want to see something like that is in Narnia.

-they will market it like they did the Hunger Games (I honestly don’t have much of a problem with this because I found that fascinating when that happened).

-it’s gonna be so straight. And that’s really sad because this book was written by a gay man, and has sooooooo many references to queer culture and most of the characters are canonically queer in some way. And honestly as depressing as the book is, I read it as a cathartic image of what LGBTQIA+ and POC go through. I think that is why I love it so much- I see myself and my pain and my community’s pain represented in a nuanced way.

-the only thing I can rely on happening is the violence against women 🙄 it’s in everything

I just really want a wicked series that is similar to Game of Thrones (with better writing) mixed with Pose and MASH, and be a political/action/horror thriller like Kingdom (K-drama). I know that’s complicated but it all plays out in my head lol.

I’m holding out this much 🤏🏻 hope.

[ephemeralzenith]

TPW headcanons

i miss them so much(spoilers ahead)

if they were in the modern world, altan and rin would wear glasses and everyone would make fun of them. they would actually have abysmal eyesight even though they are super cool warriors.

also modern world; altan would be so technologically illiterate that everyone would make fun of him. hes like a grandpa, and rin (+ ramsa) would be obsessed with her phone. this is the only place nezha and altan would agree on!!! neither can use their phones and would have to ask rin and chaghan/the cike to help

altan and rin squabble like siblings over the dumbest stuff and then get over it in the next hour after swearing to everyone that they hate each other and would never talk to each other again. -> everyone is sick of their shit

conversely, nezha and altan also love fighting over shit!! altan mistrusts nezha bc.. yk, and nezha does not trust altan bc.. yk!! and rin is so done with them and she starts arguing with them too

kitay loves snakes and this freaks nezha out

altan has a phobia of spiders (i saw this somewhere else and it made sense)

ramsa and kitay are best friends. they are the chaotic duo. imagine it though… ramsa’s destructiveness and kitay’s gigantic brain. cross one of them and your room will smell like shit for the next three years.

qara and venka best friends!!!! i dont have any reasoning for this but they would be and gossip about everyone

altan and chaghan

during exam season, kitay would make fun of everyone else not being able to study easily like he can (not everyone can have a photographic memory, ok???) and everyone would tell him to shut the fuck up (he would not)

“haha i dont know how you guys do it!!! like having to memorise things after sooo long,, must be a struggle”

“THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME KITAY PLEASE SHUT UP I DONT KNOW THIS SUNZI QUOTE”

until a year before he went to sinegard, nezha didnt know how to swim. i know that it very uncanon but i would find it so funny if nezha (water boy) did not know how to swim

obviously his parents would not be very happy with him. poor nezha, cant catch a break…

altan may appear to be tough and cool and sexy (i love him) but he has the most childish sense of humour. sex jokes etc etc, and rin would have such a distaste for this they would start arguing again.

altan is also so soft on the inside. if any of qara’s birds were injured he would stay up to help them no matter what!!! altan trengsin - murderer, killer and the protector of birds <3

after he dies and rin melts down his trident, he would be so pissed at her for destroying his legacy yada yada yada, but would probably forgive her

chaghan was devastated when rin destroyed the trident. he wanted it because it was the last piece of altan :(

however nezha would probably sleep with those swords after rin dies.

kitay and rin would share a tombstone in arlong, to be joined by nezha after he dies… probably bc of the hesperians lol

altan and rin have a tombstone in speer. even though nezha hated altan, he would make one for him.

‘here lies altan trengsin and fang runin, the last speerlies, under the heart of the phoenix that they followed home - everything changes on speer’

unegen and enki visited them. idk where they went off too after leaving the cike, but i like to believe they lived, and found speer.

nezha and chaghan regularly visited speer to pay tribute to their speerly bros that died and that they loved lol. once they saw each other and they were like ‘oh you too?’.

i feel like jiang knew (even subconsciously) that rin was his daughter and loved her as such :( he also loved his nephew altan but couldnt protect either.

rin and nezha have opposite music tastes

kitay hates music because it hurts his head

I MISS THEM SO MUCH. if someone wants to talk about tpw i am here 25/8/365

[luck-of-the-drawings]

FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT. AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT. THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS, BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS. A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH, A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.

[dailyedgeworth]

today, i really wanted to draw polly and clay as delinquents but the more i kept going the more i realised how much that didnt fit them at all - so here's a weirdly intense couple of besties!!!

[seeinghcsts]

IN AN INSTANT , A BLIP — so quick he nearly missed it , he noticed the blooming fervor behind eliza's eyes fizzle out . warmth snuffed by a winter chill , roaring magma retreating back before committing to its eruption . anticipating the damage and avoiding it . eliza's words stung , the venomous prick of a bee's stinger ( the same one that would bring her a supposedly lethal end ) targetting his exposed wounds and fragile nerves . he believed he was right , that he was the one who was holding on to whatever semblance of control that existed between the two of them , but eliza , , , she was also right . something that made him noticeably tense upon realizing . not with anger , but with a devastating clarity .

something then burned in his chest , something that ached so badly he felt silver lining his eyes . the taught muscles beneath his jaw pulsed like the wings of a hummingbird , the acid of his stomach pressing up into his throat making him queasy . nausea roiled when her face fell , deflating of its once brimming emotion , porcelain features sullied by a desperate frustration and manic upset sinking back to neutrality . confusion , even .

befuddled , thomas blinked , his own stoney face seeming to droop with uncertainty as thick brows knotted on his forehead . " — liza ?? " he said quietly , questioning , watching the flick of a ballerina's wrist as she took notice of the salt ornamenting round cheeks . inspected it on her fingers .

" i'm mad , " he echoed in ambivilant confirmation , unsure of what was happening . his speech wore hesitation like protective armor , the foundation of his previous argument crumbling to dust on the tip of his tongue . " we , , , we are . we were . liza , what's going on ?? are you — ?? " alright ?? okay ?? none of the words seemed appropriate . right . it was clear neither of those identifiers were the case , as much as he wished they were in order to spare himself .

when eliza's desperate clutch came to find thomas's shirt , his free hand moved in equal urgency — coming to rest atop hers , skin of frost meeting that of flame , pressing against her fingers where they fisted fabric . he didn't pry them off , nor did his mitt come to swat at manicured tips like they were the wings of buzzing insects . instead , he held her there , a fear-strung anguish in his expression , wrapping larger appendages around her far daintier ones and squeezing . as if she'd disintegrate beneath his embrace , like he had lost the right to give it .

" it , " he sucked in a breath , lungs quivering , the urge to lie so strong it felt like a fatal blow to the chest . the urge to aid her in her pursuit of ignorance , to lean into her amnesia , to feed his songbird the very same seeds he had given in exchange for her compliance for months — years — so tempting he could taste it . however , he swallowed , shaking his head ; " it wasn't , , , nothing , but — it's okay . we fight , babygirl , it happens . "

then — like an arrow to the very organ that kept him alive — eliza's trembling voice sung ; ' i love you , tommy . '

thomas knew she did ; eliza had said it some time ago , and continued to as if it were a promise . even when it hadn't been said back . love was a vow , a devotion to another , an unrelenting commitment in which the autonomy of their heart was unabashedly sacrificed . GIVEN . it scared the shit out of him — to love someone and mean it .

he had written it back . texted it . offered it in the ways he knew how . thomas couldn't remember if he had ever said it to her , realizing only now that he hadn't .

for a moment — he was blind to their surroundings ; blind to the way they were unhidden and at risk of exposure . if anyone's eyes were on them , he didn't feel them , nor did he seek them out . tom's lids fluttered as she pressed onto her toes , her dampened , rose-bud nose coming to brush against the frost-bitten tip of his . when she stepped away , apologized , he mourned her warmth ; quick in the way he abused his clasp on her wrist and tugged her back to him . tom's palm came to cradle eliza's face , the pad of his thumb caressing the soddened cherry of her cheek , only noticing now that salt had welled in his own eyes and his adam's apple had turned to stone .

" it's okay , " he said quietly , bringing his lips down to press an assuring kiss against her forehead . " i love you , too. " he muttered against the flush of her skin , securing the return of a sacred vow that until now had gone unspoken with another stamp of his lips against her hairline . " — and so does , cam . we'll , , , we'll figure out how to talk to them . together . as soon as this is over , liza , i promise . "

he released her , stepping back some , but not before large hands scooped up hers , the pads of calloused thumbs running along the bumps of rouged knuckles . only now did tom's gaze wander , a brief scan to make sure they were alone , shoulders sinking in a quiet relief upon realizing they were . " it's freezin' , baby , " honey-pot eyes , glossed and burned , returned to moss that would challenge the greenest pasture . he cleared his throat , an attempt to compose himself . " let me — let me give you a jacket , yeah ?? an actual jacket . one of mine . your lil' frilly things ain't gonna cut it . "

— INSTANTLY , SHE RECOILED . the lush , impassioned green of her irises dulled . her expression of righteous fury slackened . eliza wasn't sure what she had been expecting , but it certainly was not this . the bite of his words scraping in her ears , the heat rolling off of his flexed muscles & hitting her like a fresh wave of last night's fire .

" i don't . . . " she repeated the words , wild mania seeding itself in her pupils . a short string of laughter , a touch crazed , followed . " i don't understand ? you think i'm not obsessing over it , too ?! camille — i -- it's KILLING me . i'm her . . . i'm supposed to be her best friend , thomas , & i'm lying to her fucking face . and the longer we hide it , the more reasons she'll have to hate us . to hate ME . because -- " shaking fingers found their way to her scalp , tugging at the roots whilst her head & heart unwound like a spool of thread . " because you're her brother ! you'll always be that . but , if she hates me , then you'll . . . i-- " a sob caught in her throat . the words choked her . tears , that she'd only just noticed , stung against flushed cheeks . they stained the red apple curve , glossed quivering lips , ran down her chin .

her lungs seized but she swallowed back the puddle of blood that begged to come up — refusing to embarrass herself further . when the words finally escaped , they were strained . almost silent . " i can't lose you both . i can't be alone . "

thomas felt too far away . even when he took hold of her wrist & pulled her in , there was a present feeling of distance . a fissure in the fantasy she had tried to become content in . " a year & a half . right now . two more years from now ? until one of us is DEAD ? " eliza would not meet his gaze , her own trained on the spastic heaving of his chest .

chocolate brown curls tickled her forehead . she shivered . the chill that ran down her spine echoed back up when his frame hardened & voice became cold . even his fingertips , still tight on her wrist , possessed an icy sheen of frost . desperately , she mourned the loss of his warmth — even if it had been accompanied by ire . eliza took a shaky breath , turning her head away from him , the shattered dignity of her composure tucking into her shoulder . her head was pounding — war drums urging her to go in for the kill . " after last night . . . this can't be the rest of my life , thomas . " the pressure grew , her head screaming . she winced right before a wave of sick washed over her . long , wet lashes blinked a handful of times before she dared part empty lips once more . " i think that . . . " her brow knit . " i think . . . " her mouth hung open , her cheek twitching . eliza tried to grapple with her mind , her irises glassing , as a thick fog rolled in .

she was angry . no , sad ? the dewy trails of runaway tears , swiped at by her unrestrained hand , were proof enough . only , she could not quite put her finger on why . after all , eliza was not easily moved to tears — always quicker to turn her upset into anger . utterly lost , eliza's red-rimmed eyes desperately clung to thomas , searching his face for answers . stone stare . flared nostrils . ticking jaw . " you're mad . " the speed at which her heart ran made her sick , a sporadic rhythm that shifted from her mixed well of emotions to fear . " we're . . . fighting . " it was less of a question , moreso the woman's hopeless attempt at rattling her broken mind back into action .

quick , remind me . tell me why we're fighting . i don't want to lose . i'm always right in the end . they stood at the tip of her tongue , but the longer she searched thomas's face — felt his iron hold on her wrist , steam rolling from his nostrils , dark curls teasing her warm skin — the more she wanted to forget . allow ignorance to be bliss .

eliza's other hand found the thick cotton of his shirt , knotting her fingers & balling it in her fist . " say it didn't matter . it was a stupid fight , right ? just — tell me it was nothing . " curiosity picked at her brain , but the nausea curling in her stomach warned her she was better off not knowing . if thomas decided it so , she'd allow herself to be content with forgetting . lose one battle to win the war .

" i don't want to make you crazy . i want you to be happy . us to be happy . i love you , tommy . "

rising on her tiptoes , her nose brushed his — wishing the red out of his eyes & enmity off his breath — before she remembered where they stood . in the open with nothing but rubble to shield their secrets . the trees watched from overhead , & she could only imagine what other eyes & ears lingered nearby . eliza unwound her grip on his shirt , freed herself from his clutch , & stepped back . the cold winter's breeze greeted her . " sorry . "

[sinnbaddie]

Sasuke wanting to kill Kakashi makes a lot of sense when it comes to Sasuke’s view of himself.

Sasuke’s fully content being destroyed by the path of revenge if it means he can reach his goal. We saw that all the way in early OG.

That’s part of why his relationship with Kakashi is so complicated. Kakashi isn’t entirely against the concept of revenge itself (see his support of Shikamaru) but what gets to him the most is the destruction of oneself to complete it.

Itachi tells Sasuke he has to kill his best friend if he wants to defeat him. Even after Itachi dies, Sasuke still tries to fight Naruto, but in the end he can’t (emotionally and physically atp).

Kakashi’s teachings didn’t reach Sasuke because he refused to learn them and when he’s met with him again years later during Sakura’s suicide mission, he’s not only refused to learn them but actively looks down on them. Kakashi’s very core traits go against Sasuke’s line of thinking; “destruction of oneself to achieve a goal is inhumane to your person” Vs “losing one’s self to the path to get to the goal is the only way to achieve it”.

He needed to be rid of Kakashi because his person was proof that his ideology was wrong, but it also aided in his own destruction. I think on some level Sasuke thought he needed to be destroyed since he was the only one left. He had nothing, he didn’t feel like a person and then his teacher saw him as one and he couldn’t stand it.

He felt like he needed to kill Naruto because he was proof that he could love and be loved, killing Kakashi was no different. Both of them saw Sasuke for who he was and he couldn’t have people who saw him as a person - as a living human being - be alive.

Sasuke didn’t want a future, he didn’t want to feel like a kid, or a teenager. He didn’t think he’d live that far and he didn’t think he deserved to.

When I rewatch that scene between Kakashi and Sasuke I don’t think Sasuke is being cocky or arrogant because he thinks he’s better than him, I think how sad his life is that he felt the need to rid one of the two people who saw him as a person worthy of living.

[steakout-05]

currently thinking and obsessing about the fact that my dad very likely went to an Australian version of Chuck E. Cheese called Charlie Cheese back in the early-to-mid 80s when he was a kid and how fucking COOL that is!!!

the fact that were was a whole balcony stage show with a Warblettes animatronic, a Madame Oink AND a Dolli Dimples in my country is absolutely amazing to me and i'm having so many thoughts about it. where are they now? do they still exist? did they have other rotating guest characters or was it just Madame Oink? were there any differences to the showtapes (such as name changes or localisations)? there's also this incredibly rare and adorable Charlie plush and i love him SO MUCH i'm rotating him around in my head right now

i'm kinda surprised that CEC had locations here at all back in the 80s because animatronics aren't really a big thing in Australia, at least not as much as they are in America. we never really had that big animatronic pizza craze over here and animatronic shows are a pretty rare sight here apart from the occasional big amusement park chain (but even then, they're not very common at all). but yeah i think it's fucking awesome that my dad went here as a kid as he recalls quite a lot of details about the show and the animatronics up on stage!! he specifically remembers the Grundy's location, that there was "a giant rat" and the cheese wall maze underneath the animatronics and it's SO COOL to me as someone who has a love for these old retro pizza animatronics!!! no joke one of my biggest dreams is to just see either an 80s cec animatronic or a rockafire animatronic irl one day and the fact that my dad got to see a cec show is amazing!! :D

P.S. here's a video i found of the Charlie Cheese show at Grundy's performing!!! it's at the 38 second mark and there's footage of Dolli Dimples performing too!!