#I LOST MYSELF UNDER THE SUN I GOT TOO CLOSE AND NOW IM BURNING

[taeminsupremacist]

[bellamyblakru]

You caught me doing something dangerous and flipped out (lancelot / merlin)

EKKK I FINISHED THIS OMGGG. thank you so so much for sending this prompt in mor sksksksksk this was so much fun to write and im so happy to get back into writing (for a minute at least 😂). my mercelot heart loved every second of this, so i hope you enjoy it as well🥺💖💖it is very merlin-centric but i hope that doesn’t ruin the experience!! thank you again🥺💖

you can read it here or on ao3!!💖

Merlin stumbled up the stairs into the castle, scarcely aware of his panting echoing loudly in the empty corridor. He knew that he should be throwing himself into Gaius’s room, shutting the door, and sleeping this off, but he couldn’t make it that far. He needed somewhere to go—and fast. He felt the wound pull with each step, the blood soaking his shirt and pants enough that he couldn’t remember what color they originally were.

Lancelot is going to be furious with him.

——————that morning——————

No one was smiling this morning as Merlin made his way to the throne room. A sort of silence had fallen around the castle like a leaden blanket, and Merlin feared that it did not bode well for anyone.

Things have been fine lately, happy almost. Of course that couldn’t last—when could they ever just be at peace?

He pushed open the throne room doors as quietly as he could, peering inside to see most of the knights already assembled staring at the map with matching frowns.

As he walked closer, Eylan and Leon looked up briefly to smile and nod at him before returning to the map, and he realized Gwaine, Percy, and Lancelot were nowhere to be found. Going to his place behind Arthur, who stared at the map with such heat that Merlin was surprised it didn’t burn up immediately, he asked quietly, “Where are the others?”

Arthur jerked up and spun around toward him, surprised evident on his face, “When did you get here?”

Merlin let out a small laugh, “I told you I can be quiet when I want to be, sire.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes and huffed, “And you never want to be quiet during hunts? Even when I ask nicely?”

Merlin gaped, “When do you ever ask nicely?”

Arthur smirked, “Fair enough.” he sobered up before continuing, “The others are coming back from a quick patrol I sent them on this morning. When you were collecting herbs for Gaius, a citizen from an outlying village came sobbing about rampant magic wielders killing everyone they come across in the name of freedom.” He shook his head in disgust, “I sent Percival, Gwaine, and Lance to escort the villager home to retrieve his family and friends to bring them into Camelot for safety. They should be back soon with news.”

Merlin swallowed hard at the thought of more magic being used for evil, for destruction. How can he ever show his friends, especially Arthur, how good magic can be if they only ever see it used for pain?

He nodded sharply in reply, masking his face of any sign of distraught, and calmly walked back to the pillar he normally leans against during audience and council meetings.

Moments like these were the hardest. Where his lies buried themselves so deep in his soul that he could feel himself failing to reach the surface for air. He will dream of the pyre tonight, he knew, and will be forced awake with the sound of his own choking from asphyxiation. He will stay awake for hours after, staring into darkness, wondering how much more of his own kin he will have to slaughter before they can claim true liberation. How much blood on his hands will he need to be considered the monster everyone believes him to be with this power?

He felt himself tremble with the thoughts. Looking around the room flooded with the late sunlight, he narrowed his stare at his friends discussing plans around the table, and begrudgingly felt his panic kick in. The trapping feeling suffocating any breath he had—he was trapped, and it was a cage of destiny’s own making.

His eyes darted from door to door, the urge to run, fast and far away, becoming almost unbearable and inescapable. He was considering excusing himself with some bad reason when the door slammed open—knights and the villager in tow.

Lancelot’s eyes immediately snapped to his, and Merlin knew then that he couldn’t, wouldn’t, run—not when Lancelot’s first look towards him was filled with such a deep understanding and sympathy.

Lance knew everything and didn’t think him a monster, and that is what kept him from darting every time Arthur called him useless, or dumb, or threw something at him. He wondered then if Lancelot would run away with him if he asked. Would the knight’s loyalty be tested or would he simply stand by his King without batting an eye? He would never ask Lance to make such a decision, though.

The knight was his closest friend, his most trusted confidante, and every day Merlin ached with the knowledge that Lancelot bared his secrets alongside him. If Merlin was to burn, Lance would be on the next prye.

Merlin refused to let that happen.

He snapped himself out of the daze he fell into, eyes refocusing on the knights speaking with the King. Merlin watched how Lance’s glance kept flicking his way, and when Merlin met the barely concealed worry within them, he tried to give a reassuring smile. However, Lance’s frown deepened—Merlin sighed, And here I thought I was good at this facade.

“..gathered all the others and placed them in a large tavern in the lower town. They should be safe there,” Percy told Arthur, who nodded in response.

The villager was shaking, Merlin belatedly realized, as he looked at Arthur’s chest to speak next, “M-my family appreciates your efforts, s-sire.”

Arthur grimaced, “No need to thank me. I wouldn’t want any more of my people hurt from these maniacs.” He stepped forwards, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder, “Go now. Rest with your family, I will make sure you are all seen to, properly.”

The man sputtered his thanks and dropped into a clumsy bow before turning around. Merlin, unable to stop his feet from moving, quickly walked forwards to catch the man before he disappeared, “Sir?”

The man froze, still shaking, as he looked up to Merlin with confusion. Merlin continued, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

The man gave him a gentle smile, seeming to relax with Merlin’s presence, “I’m alright, young man, thank you. I appreciate your concern.”

Merlin gave a tentative smile, aiming for charming and warming, “If you ever need any assistance, I live with the Court Physician. Ask for Gaius or myself, and we will be there.”

The man clasped arms with him, a crooked smile forming, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you again—thank you all.”

Merlin watched him go, unease in his gut. He didn’t know what it was about the man that made him uneasy, but it simmered long after the villager left them alone in the throne room.

Merlin turned around to see the others talking amongst each other and he made it to Lancelot’s side just as Gwaine began talking.

“Princess, I’m telling you: no one seemed scared! Only that man’s family seemed a little unsettled, and even then, it seems suspicious to me.”

Arthur rolled his eyes, “Do you expect them all to be sobbing and cowering? Of course they are putting up strong fronts! If my home was under attack, I know I wouldn’t want to show fear. I would rather be fighting against the attackers than hiding away in some strange town.”

Gwaine didn’t reply, but Merlin knew that Arthur’s answer wasn’t enough for the knight. Merlin stayed quiet, though, already calculating when he should go out to take care of this. Arthur ruined his calculations with his next proclaiment, however.

While rubbing the bridge of his nose, the King sighed out, “We will go as a group tomorrow to face them. Gather the provisions tonight, prepare the horses with any protection we can gather in the short amount of time. We will meet in front of the stables at first light.”

And with a ‘Yes, sire’ muttered by everyone, Arthur dismissed them.

Merlin didn’t hesitate to beeline for the door and escape before Arthur ordered him to do anything—he needed to think of something, and rather fast at that.

Merlin found himself on top of the battlements, staring at the horizon that seemed too far and much too close all at once. He usually found himself here to clear his mind. The view made him feel alive, more connected to the world, and, most importantly, he didn’t have to hold such a tight grip on his magic this far above.

No one ever came here besides him.

With a sigh, Merlin loosened his hold and let his magic out through his nose with his breathing. His skin seemed to stop crawling from the inside out, the sky looked more blue, and the air felt sweeter in his lungs. It had been too long since he could let go and he knew part of his trapped feeling had to do with his magic being stifled within his veins for too long. He took a deep breath, willing his magic back in slightly, and he laid down looking up towards the sky.

The sun will be going down soon, and Merlin figured he will be leaving after dinner to approach these rouges himself to handle them before it got the knights killed. He glared at the sky when he realized he couldn’t ask Lancelot to come with him—not again. He has endangered that man’s life quite enough just by breathing, and with his hope to keep Lancelot safe for as long as possible, he just couldn’t bring himself to ask. Lance would say yes, like always, but Merlin cannot—will not—actively put him in harm's way.

Merlin shuddered thinking of a life without Lancelot in it, and, well, it was simply unfathomable.

Lance was his rock, his reason to keep fighting when shit hits the fan, the only person who constantly sees Merlin for who he is and does not cower from it. Lancelot embraces every part of Merlin, flaw and all, and Merlin would be completely lost without him in his life. Lance swears that Merlin is the bravest man he ever met, but was it out of bravery or selfishness that Merlin faced all these threats alone? Merlin didn’t know, and he didn’t want to think too much about it in fear of the true answer (even though, deep down, he knew his answer was one he didn’t like).

So, the plan was rather simple: leave Camelot at dusk, talk or fight with the rouges, and make it back before sunrise.

It sounds easy enough.

A few hours later, after successfully avoiding Lancelot’s knowing gaze and delivering the King’s dinner, Merlin set out to the nearby town. He knew it was only an hour or two away from Camelot, so he snuck out of Camelot, grabbed his mare Honey, and set off briskly. His mare knew the drill by now and obliged easily, especially with Merlin’s magic soothing her with each gallop.

Soon, Merlin entered a clearing close to the town’s borders. He tied Honey a good distance away, leaving her some food, and took a deep breath before walking into the field. That uneasy feeling returned in gut and he knew this wouldn’t end well.

Just as he thought that, five hooded people walked out to meet him in the middle of the large clearing.

“Emrys, it’s good to see you again.”

Merlin squinted in the dark, “Again?”

The man laughed, throwing his hood back, “We met a few hours ago. I hope I left a good enough impression to be remembered.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Of course it’s you,” he scowled at the villager he met earlier today, “Why would it be anyone else? Why did you seek aid with King Arthur if you are part of the problem?”

Merlin was fairly certain he knew the answer already, but he needed time to access the power of each person here. The one on the left held the most potential, magic coming off her in waves, but the rest were mediocre at best, if the last person had anything at all but small tricks up his sleeve.

The man was in the middle of explaining what Merlin was sure to be an “ingenious” plan to get close to King Arthur when he interrupted, “How did you hide your magic from me? You know I’m Emrys and all, so you must realize I can read you magical abilities by proximity, but I didn’t sense it on you originally. So, how?”

The man blinked, and then glared at Merlin for his interruption, “I have a pendant that covers my magical scent. It’s been passed down through generations. My mother gave it to me to get close to the King…”

Merlin tuned him out again, pondering such an artifact. It would be useful to him against more powerful creatures, but he wondered if it hurt at all or if he could use that instead of shoving his magic deep down everyday.

When all the sorcerers looked at him expectantly, Merlin frowned, “Did you ask something?”

The powerful one spoke up this time, her voice much stronger than her peer, “We asked for you to join us, Emrys, to bring peace to our lands once more. To restore magic, free our people, make you the rightful King.”

Merlin flinched slightly, “Rightful King? I am no King. Arthur is the once and future King, the rightful heir to the throne and the only man I will serve. But I had a feeling you knew my answer already, so why try this?”

The woman shrugged, a small wicked smile on her lips, “Proving your loyalty in the flesh is a nice incentive to make it easier to kill you—the most powerful warlock or not, you are still a traitor.”

Merlin rolled his shoulders, “Let’s dance, then, shall we?”

It was brutal, to say the least, as Merlin limped back to Honey trying to ignore the blackened, scorched earth and bloodied bodies scattered about. He looked down at the wound in his abdomen and debated whether he should just stay over night or make it to Camelot before light. He completed the first two steps of his plan, he might as well continue with it. So with a painful moan, Merlin hoisted himself on top of his mare, who neighed upset at the smell of bad copper, and willed her to go back home. He didn’t have the strength to hold the reins, not when both hands were being used to staunch the blood flow.

He swayed with the frantic galloping, trying to forget the pure malice on the villager's face when he stabbed him when Merlin was off guard for a second. The villager had taunted to kill Merlin’s knight when he was done with him after he managed to stick the knife and that’s when Merlin’s magic exploded out of him. His magic responded with his emotions—and when Lance was threatened, his heart stopped beating for a second before the world exploded in a blinding white light. No one survived after that blow.

Merlin was barely conscious when he made it back to the stables, but he was able to sneak back in the way he came out—completely unnoticed by the guards, even with his blood loss, Merlin knew how to get in and out of Camelot quietly and quickly.

Merlin stumbled up the stairs into the castle, scarcely aware of his panting echoing loudly in the empty corridor. He knew that he should be throwing himself into Gaius’s room, shutting the door, and sleeping this off, but he couldn’t make it that far. He needed somewhere to go—and fast. He felt the wound pull with each step, the blood soaking his shirt and pants enough that he couldn’t remember what color they originally were.

Lancelot will freak out when he sees him, but Merlin had no other choice. Limping, he blindly remembered the route to Lancelot’s room as he clung onto consciousness with every fiber of his being.

Just a few more steps. Lance will keep you safe—he always keeps you safe.

With his vision narrowing with the blackness crawling in, Merlin quickened his steps and landed in front of Lance’s room. He collapsed, hitting the door with his body, and the last thing he saw was Lance’s terrified expression before he welcomed unconsciousness with a sigh of relief.

——————

Merlin woke up, wincing from the ache in his body, and blinked a couple times at the ceiling before he remembered what happened. He quickly sat up, and then immediately regretted the action when the room started swaying.

When he managed to calm his breathing and dizziness, he leaned against the headboard of the bed and his eyes found a still awake Lancelot, who was staring blankly at the roaring fire.

“Lance?” Merlin croaked out, his voice dry and scratchy like he had been screaming for hours.

The knight slowly looked up from the fireplace, and Merlin saw how red-rimmed his eyes were.

“Lance, I’m—“

He threw his hand up, stopping Merlin, and stood up to start pacing in front of the bed. Merlin watched, heart aching, as Lance tried to work his breathing into something less panicked, less terrified.

He stopped abruptly, spinning to look at Merlin. They held the stare for a moment before Lance started glowering at him, “Merlin.”

Usually, the way Lance says his name gives him butterflies, not that he ever admitted that to anyone, but this time made him look down in shame and he started absentmindedly picking a loose thread in the knight’s blanket. Merlin realized then that he was completely cleaned, in Lance’s small clothes, and there was a glass of water next to the bed. Merlin’s heart warmed at the actions, but when he looked back up to see a still fuming Lance, Merlin scooted forwards to try and grab the man’s hand.

Lance let himself be grabbed, and Merlin pulled him onto the bed in front of him as whispered brokenly, “I’m sorry I scared you.”

Lance huffed, his anger still not dissipated, “Merlin,” and said warlock looked up to see waring emotions in the knight’s eyes, “I was more than scared. I was...terrified.” He shook his head, using his free hand to wipe down his face, “I couldn’t find you after the meeting, so I searched the entire castle for you. I knew you were planning on doing something idiotic, but I didn’t realize you would do it so soon.”

Merlin heard Lancelot’s breathing hitch before he continued, “I thought maybe you went out for more herbs, or that Arthur had you working overtime and that's why I couldn’t find you. I-I couldn’t sleep when I figured out that you must have gone without me. And I know you can handle yourself—Gods!” He stood up again, anger and fear and pain in every movement, “I was so scared, Merlin! Do you know what it’s like to know your best friend left you behind on some self-sacrificing quest for some reason? Is it because you don’t want my help? You would rather risk your life over and over again without me at your side as backup? Am I that horrible?”

At Lance’s frantic questions, Merlin felt the tears falling down his face as he vehemently shook his head no.

Lance saw this, stopped moving, and whispered, “My heart completely stopped for a moment when I saw the state you were in. Merlin,” he let out a small, broken gasp of air, “I thought this time that I-that I would lose you. And I can’t—“ he covered his mouth when a strangled sort of sob escaped him, the anger bleeding out to utter exhaustion.

Merlin blindly reached out for Lancelot’s hand again, pulling him back down to him, and they stayed like that, intertwined, for a few moments before Merlin had regained enough strength to talk.

While rubbing Lance’s knuckles with his thumb, Merlin quietly spoke, “Lancelot,” he waited until the man’s beautiful brown eyes met his, “I cannot lose you.”

And when Lance opened his mouth to say something, Merlin plowed on, “I should’ve told you that a long time ago. You-you keep me centered. You make me want to live, Lance. Not survive, not exist. Live.

I never had someone who looks at me the way you do, who knows all the dark shit about me and continues to look at me the same way. I make mistakes, constantly. I hurt people, Lance, and it kills me a little more each time. I hurt my own kin to keep Camelot safe, to keep you safe, and I ache knowing that I damned you with me. That’s the worst pain of all. I was born damned, but you? I dragged you into it, and I will not allow you to be set aflame alongside me. I refuse.

You deserve a life without this extra burden I force upon you. I am cursed with this life, but you have the ability to turn a blind eye, to not be feared for simply breathing.”

Merlin felt the bed shift, and his brief thought that he finally drove his only true friend in his life away was squashed when Lance sat next to him, pulling him underneath his arm. Merlin’s tears came back when curled into Lance’s side, his hand on the knight’s chest feeling his heart beating steadily.

Lance stroked through Merlin’s hair softly, “Merlin,” and there were those damn butterflies again, “I choose to stay at your side. You are the best person I know. And before you deny it, I know you are forced to make hard decisions every other day, and I know you are the most powerful warlock to ever exist, and, in spite of those facts, who you are, at your core, never changes.

You can burn cities down with a flick of your wrist, you can harm anything or anyone with barely a thought, you can overthrow Arthur at any moment, but you know why you don’t? Because, in your heart and in your soul, you are a good, beautiful person. You see the light when others only see the dark, you defend those who cannot fight for themselves, you love so deeply and unconditionally that everyone you meet can’t help but adore you.

So, no, I will not let you pick for me who I chose to love. I picked you to stand by, with your magic and all, and I will always pick you. If you wanted to leave Camelot tonight, I would pack my bags without hesitation. You did not damn or burden me, love. You are all that I believe in, and I will never turn my back on you.

I will be by your side, for as long as you want me, to whatever end. If we burn tomorrow, then we burn together. I’ve made peace with my decision a long time ago.”

He kissed the top of Merlin’s head when he finished, pulling him closer to let him cry onto his chest while rubbing the warlock’s back. With his free hand, he wiped away his own tears before grabbing Merlin’s loose hand.

“So...” Lancelot said, trying to lighten the mood a bit, “if you leave on some self-sacrificing mission without letting me help you again, I will tell Gaius on you.”

Merlin gasped dramatically, leaning up on Lance’s chest to look him in the eyes, “You wouldn’t dare!”

Lance smirked, “Oh, I would.”

Merlin gaped, the smile breaking through betraying his false exasperation, “Fine. I’ll bring you with me next time, but promise me one thing?”

Lance softened, nodding, and Merlin laid back down listening to the knight’s heart beat as he spoke, “If I tell you to run, you will run without hesitation.”

There was silence for a moment before Lance responded, “I cannot promise that, Merlin.”

Merlin frowned, looking back up to see Lance’s eyes already on him, “I cannot promise that because I would rather die than leave you alone during a battle. Even if the odds are stacked against us, I will never leave you behind. If I run, you run. If you fight, I fight. We are in this together, Merls.”

Merlin couldn’t stop the tears from falling again as words sank in fully, “To whatever end, huh?”

Lance smiled softly, nodding, “Let’s get some rest. After almost scaring me to death, I am completely spent.”

Merlin went still, preparing himself to leave the warmth of Lancelot’s body, but Lance tilted his chin up as he asked, “Stay the night?”

Merlin beamed, wrapping himself completely with his knight. He fit into Lance’s side perfectly, like it was always meant to be the two of them against the world.

And when Merlin drifted off to sleep, with Lance’s hands still rubbing his back, he felt lighter than he had in years. And for the first time in a long time, no nightmares plagued his dreams.

[rotting-clowns]

hii i just saw you opened your request for obey me and since i really like your work i was wondering if i could request a mammon scenario where he's dating the reader without his brothers knowing but they end up finding out, maybe they catch them making out or smth like that im dying for read some fluff and comedy about mammon plss 🥺🥺 thank you in advance 🖤🖤🖤🖤

I had so much fun with this request! Thank you so much for asking it and sorry for the wait, anon!

The sun rays warming your skin wake you up with a stir. You move around the sheets, opening your eyes slowly to look around the room. The curtains were mostly drawn except for a small open section of them from where the light was coming in. 

You turn to the side, already stretching your arms out towards your boyfriend.

He’s still half asleep, laying on his side with closed eyes. Even so, his arms make way to your waist, pulling you closer until you’re snuggled against his chest. 

You giggle, unable to resist the urge to playfully flick his forehead, making him grunt. 

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” he says in faux anger, fluttering his eyes open. 

You find yourself lost in his gaze for a long second, your own eyes tracing over every inch of his face, from his chin to the forehead and every single eyelash framing the beautiful blue of his eyes. 

“Y/N?” He calls out, booping your nose. “What happened? Cat ate your tongue?”

You blink, shaking your head. “I got lost in your eyes again. I always do.”

You get the exact reaction you expect and love so much: Mammon with blushing cheeks and averting his gaze. 

“Ya better not say these things to anyone else.” 

You giggle at his pout. “Or what? Will the big bad Avatar of Greed eat me?”

A smirk, followed by the peek of a pink tongue and even redder cheeks. “That can be arranged.”

“What do you m-” you start, ready to tease him even further, but the soft creeping of a hand on your side stops you. It’s warm against your skin, leaving goosebumps on its wake. He embraces you fully as it reaches the curve of your stomach, pulling you into a tight hug.

“I love ya.” he always says it with his face hidden in embarrassment. 

It’s endearing.

And people say he’s senseless. 

Somehow, you’re okay with being the only one who knows this side of him. 

You pull him away from your shoulders - where he’s currently burrowing - and squishes his cheeks in between your palms. “I love you too.”

He blushes even deeper as if that’s possible. “Aish.”

You snuggle further onto him, pulling the mess of blankets on top of your intertwined form. “Let’s stay like this today.”

It’s doable. There are no classes at the weekend, and even Lucifer relaxes on the schedules a bit. You just have to keep out of the way - those who aren’t seen are also not put in charge of any meaningless tasks. 

“Yeah, let’s.” He says, already mid-yawn. 

You might just follow his example and sleep some more. After all, it’s still early and you’re so comfortable slipping under will be easy…

There’s a knock on the door. 

Maybe it won’t be as easy as you thought. 

You take a quick moment to evaluate the situation. Mammon is on your bed, okay, not that weird. It’s happened before. 

But it’s morning. 

And he is very much shirtless. 

Oh, fuck. 

“Wake up!” You shake him. “Go hide!”

He blinks at you, clearly confused. 

It’s adorable, but you - unfortunately - don’t have time for adorable right now.

“Y/N?” Someone calls from outside the door, knocking again. 

Oh god, it’s Asmodeus. 

Out of all the brothers, he’s the one you know won’t be able to keep a secret. 

“On the closet, now!” You whisper to Mammon.

He stumbles out of the bed, now looking more awake. Picking up his shirt on the floor he slips into the closet with a frown and a chain of whispered curse words. 

 “I’m coming, Asmo!” You exclaim, getting up from the bed, not before tidying up a bit because it truly did look like a nest and Asmodeus is too quick on his feet for his own good.

“Well, there’s something I hear way too often,” Asmodeus says with a giggle. 

You can hear Mammon sigh all the way from the back of the closet behind your coat rack.

You open the door with a roll of your eyes.

“Y/N!” Asmodeus greets you with a long hug that sends you both tumbling into the bedroom. “Why did you take so long to answer? I almost thought you didn’t love me anymore!”

You smile at his pout. “I was asleep.”

He squints at you, suddenly way closer than you remember him being. “Is that so?”

“Yeah.” You try not to gulp. Asmodeus can be quite intimidating when he wants to. 

“Trying to fool me is fruitless, Y/N. I can smell it on you, c’mon.” 

His smirk bores a hole into your heart even as you feel it falling down your ass and into the floor. 

“I don’t know what you’re on about.”

The smirk deepens. You have a feeling you just confirmed his theory. “I’m talking about your one night stand. Whoever it is spent the night here.”

You can practically see Mammon having a breakdown hugging your robe.

“Asmo please, as if Lucifer would let me bring anyone over.” You shrug it off, turning away from him to make your bed - and avoid eye contact.

“Oh but he doesn’t know, does he?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Y/N… you’re naughtier than I expected.”

Your cheeks burn.

He bends himself over the bed, slipping until his face is right under yours. “Tell me who it is.”

“No.” You give up on the duvet and decide to fluff up your pillows instead. 

He rolls around, facing you again. “Oh, please? Pretty please, this is the most interesting thing that happened today, I’m so bored I could die!”

“You’re not gonna die, you drama queen. And I won’t tell.”

He huffs. “You dare deny this face?” He pouts again. 

He’s cute, you have to admit. “Yup.”

He rolls once more, draping himself off the bed with the incredible finesse of, well, the demon of lust. “Fineee, guess I’ll excuse myself, then.” 

You try not to breath out in relief. “See you at lunch?”

He smiles, hand at the door handle. “You just might. Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Asmo.” You wave, finally giving a genuine smile. 

“Bye, Mammon!” He says before slamming the door shut. 

Your heart, that had at some point, returned to your ribcage, falls off your ass once more. 

“Well, now Lucifer’s goin’ to kill me for real,” Mammon says from the closet door. 

Masterlist

[stuntgirlatthevampiremansion]

To the Rhythm of the Ocean

Pairing: Jake Kiszka/reader

word count: 2,226

warnings: first person POV, the reader is mentioned to be an artist and bisexual but it is not important to the plot. Other than that its just a fluffy day at the beach. 😊

A/n: at last, I finally wrote a fic. It is extremely self-indulgent and was inspired by some anons that @safari-karrot got that I definitely did NOT send ;). I also want to thank Kate for being my beta! I worked pretty hard on it and im proud of it. Hope you enjoy!

-----------

Walking into the elevator of my apartment complex, I was able to let my shoulders relax and my guard down for the first time all day. The day at the studio was intense today, and for all the wrong reasons. No matter how much I tried, I wasn’t able to create anything, as if all of the motivation and drive to do my work had burned out. I was burnt out. I was lucky enough to score an apartment next door to a pair of twins, Jake and Josh, who quickly became good friends. And even more fortunate, they had come back home this week from recording with their band, which meant I could spend my afternoon with them instead of alone in my own apartment. 

I entered my house and set my bags and work down on the dining table. It was impossible to make out where the table was under pile of unfinished sketches and work plans, but that was a tomorrow problem. I put on the kettle to make some tea and shot Jake a text asking if I could come over. 

  Jake... in the last couple of years that i have known the twins, the have become an indispensable part of my life. We take turns cooking for the three of us and hosting movie nights, an even go do laundry together. Having them away for so long felt like a hole had been carved out of my soul, and it also made my harboring crush on Jake ache deeper and deeper. He was unlike anyone I had ever met, we understood each other in a way I never thought I would have with anyone, yet he was still an enigma. He was insanely talented and driven, and he was smart. And kind. And funny. And extremely easy on the eyes. I would never tell him this though, his friendship is all I can get, and I’ll learn to live with that. 

His text came back telling me that his door was open. I finished and drank my tea, washed my face, changed into more comfortable clothes, and made my way next door. 

When I came into the twins’s apartment Jake was sitting on the sofa playing his guitar, a small notebook sat on his lap. At my entrance, he sent a smile my way, but continued playing. 

“Where is Josh?” 

“He’s out filming. Why, did you need him?” 

“No, just wonderin’.” 

“You know, if you just want to hang out with me to try to get into my brother’s pants, you could have just told me. And I want no part of it. Here I was thinking we were best friends.” He teased and wiped fake tears from his eyes, but his smile said that he was just messing. That did not, however, stop my nerves. Best friend.

“I do not want to get into your brother’s pants, Jake. They wouldn’t fit me.” I took of my boots and plopped on the couch next to him. “I’m your best friend?! What about Josh, Danny and Sam?”

“That’s different, they’re my brothers.”

“Hm... I guess you’re a fine friend too, one could even say the best one I’ve had.” Friend. 

“And the best one you’ll ever have.” He set his guitar down to his other side, “how was the studio today? Any new paintings?“ 

I let out an exasperated sigh “I wish. I am incredible burned out, I can barely even pick up a pencil! I have gotten close to nothing done all week and Rachel keeps asking me out, I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Rachel? What did you say?” If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought I saw pain flash across his face.

“I told her no, but that is besides the point. I’m just so out of it...” 

“You do look like you need some adventure.”

“You could say that” 

“You know what?” He got up from the couch and pulled me to stand with him. “I’ll give it to you. Go get dressed, I’ll get everything ready.” 

  “What? Where are we going?”

“If i tell you it wont be a surprise. Now go to your house and get ready.” 

“Then what do I wear?”

He seemed to think about it for a while, then said “something comfortable, but tropical.” 

“Jake, that tells me absolutely nothing—“

“You’ll figure it out. Now leave, and don’t come back unless you’re on party business.” It was futile to keep going so I just stuck my tongue back at him and walked out of the door and into my apartment. 

I settled on wearing a short blue sundress, boots, and a pair of sunglasses. I walked back into his apartment to find Jake in the shortest shorts i have even seen him wear, an unbuttoned white shirt, and his signature combination of necklaces and a bucket hat. “Are those Sam’s?” 

“No, I own shorts too.” He put down two boxes on the coffee table and looked me over once. “That is exactly what I meant! Now carry this to the car.” He handed me a box full of snacks and drinks and we made our way down to the car. 

I rode shotgun. He still refused to tell where we were headed. No matter how much I pushed and tried to wear him down, he just said to wait and find out. We got busy talking and listening to music and I gave up asking. Instead, I admired the scenery passing around us, and I admired Jake, with the windows down, his hair wild in the wind, and rocking out to our playlist. He had the ability to make me happy by just taking me on a drive. He didn’t even have to try. 

Eventually the buildings turned into trees, and the trees to palm trees, until finally we arrived at a clearing by the ocean. Jake parked the car, “We’re here!”

“You brought me to the beach!” He brought me to the beach! The ocean! The one place I loved most in the world. “I could marry you right now!” I threw my arms around him and jumped out of the car. My boots were off in a second and by the next my feet were already in the water. Jake did the same before joining me at the shore. 

“So, was it a good surprise?” I could hear his smile without even looking at him. And he knew the answer before I even spoke.

“The best! Thank you, Jake. Really.” 

We set on an easy pace through the shore, side by side. Each picking out seashells and skipping rocks on the water. The sun wasn’t unbearable, for it was afternoon. The sky was blue and almost cloudless, the only thing that altered it were the shapes of birds flying overhead. The sand was coarse and stuck to our feet, but it wasn’t burning. The sea... it was an array of the bluest blues one could imagine, all coexisting for our pleasure. Jake was glowing,  and I must have been too, I was incandescently happy. 

Back at the car, I set out our snacks and liquor while Jake put in some music. Halfway through our first meal and first bottle, Jake turned up the radio, and waited for my reaction.

“I love this song!”

“I know you do, thats why I put it.” He took our food and put it away on the roof of the car; and for the second time today, pulled me by the hand to stand. “let’s dance” 

His touch sent electric currents up my back. Best friend. “this song isn’t danceable, Jake!”

“It is if we want it to be.” And he held my hand in his and dragged me towards the clearing. The breeze was calming, the sea was a splendid blue. The waves lapped at the shore, not strong enough to disrupt our song.

Turns out, the song was danceable after all; and so were all the others that came after it. We held each other while we took turns twirling and laughing, belting our lyrics and acting out the drama of the songs. Every lick of his fingers on my skin left a burning sensation, yet I couldn't get enough. If he knew what this was doing to me... If he knew I was drunk on him and falling on every shared glance, every smile, every touch. 

The sun started its descend and our dancing got closer. He held his hands of my waist, my chest pressed against his, my hands on his shoulders as we swayed around our little ballroom of a clearing. My spine tingled, with every inhale, I got drunk in his scent of pine and peppermint.   

We got lost in our dancing, and then he got lost in the horizon. The sky had started to turn all shades of orange and pink, the water glimmered upon our eyes like tiny mirrors. A pelican flew over us and dived into the water in search for dinner. 

We had stopped moving, yet his hands remained placed at the small of my back, he looked at ease. My fingers twirled a strand of his hair, he didn’t mind. 

He looked like he belonged in the landscape, to the oranges and pinks that tinted the sky, he belonged to nature.

And I belonged looking at him, within arms reach yet so unattainable. He would always be a mystery. There was always more to him than met the eye, and even after years of knowing him, I hadn’t deciphered him completely. And I didn’t intend to, he was just like that. And he wasn’t mine to understand like that. 

If all I would get were stolen glances with the setting sun as out witness, I’d take it. Because right here, right now, the sight before me was one to behold. Jakes eyes were transfixed on the horizon, his mouth agape. The sun was finally hiding behind the waves, which mean our day was coming to an end. I tried not to think about it, I wouldn’t let the sun steal the light of this day from me. Ocean breeze ruffled his long hair, and as I saw the last light of day melt into his golden brown eyes, I knew that home wasn’t a place. Home is a person. And he was mine. But he would never know, for I doubted I’d be his. 

I was thrown out of my daydream when he slightly pulled back and chuckled. “ So home is a person, huh?” 

“I— “ I said that out loud. Shit shit shit. I just stared at him like a deer in the headlights. There was no way to dig myself out of this, so I remained silent. Though my hear was beating like a drum and I was certain that he could feel it due to how close he still held on. Best friends don’t say that. 

There was a shit-eating grin on his face, one that said he certainly knew what was going through my head. Instead of taunting me further, he said the words I’d most longed fo hear. 

“Then you are certainly mine” 

Nothing could stop the smile that broke out across both of our faces at that.  “And you mine” 

Before he had time to reply, I grabbed his face and pulled his lips to mine. There was static in the air, his lips were incredibly soft and tasted of coffee and chocolate. His mouth moved with expertise against mine, he held me close. Closer. Closer even still, until there was no space left between us. My heart was pounding, he licked at my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I gave, and deepened the kiss. My hands held on to him tightly, as if he would disappear would I let go. He dipped me slightly and I swore I would fall on the sand if he hadn’t held me. The purple sky could’ve turned bright yellow and I would have paid no attention. 

We pulled apart for air and the sun was completely gone. 

“Jake, I—“

“I know, I feel it too. I have for a while.”

“I was so scared that you wouldn't. Ive felt this way for you for the longest time, I—” 

“But I do!” 

“But you do!”

He pecked my lips and whispered close to my ear “And if you want, we’ll make it official. Right now. You and me, and a million sunsets to come.”

“I’m yours for as long as you want me, Jake.”

“And I’m yours forever, y/n. Even when i’m far away.” 

No words could describe what I felt. It’s as if my blood was replaced by honey and my ribcage contained the moon in all her love and glory.  “I wish I could stay here forever, in this moment. With you, and round the world.”

“Check the trunk.” He smiled too wide and untangled his arms from mine.

I reluctantly let go of him and walked towards the car. He tossed me the keys and I popped the trunk open to see the second box Jake hadn’t let me look into. I opened it and found all sorts of camping gear: One tent, two sleeping bags, toiletries, even pajamas. Jake creeped up behind me and slid his arms around my waist. I turned around with an incredulous grin.

“Is that a tent?!”

“That is a tent, sweetheart.”

The end.

—- A/N: I literally CANNOT write unless its in 1st POV. This is 100% self-indulgent, and I have no idea how to write a kiss. Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! 

[vinylhazza]

“hear that? im alive. im right here” with e 🥺

(don’t make fun of my edit i’m actually proud of it) 

play ‘Medicine” by The 1975 while reading this. I swear you won’t regret it. 

this is really fluffy 

you could feel yourself getting bad again. you could feel that pricking anxiety slashing through your nerves and thoughts one by one until you looked down to see your own hand trembling with the pressure. you could feel the crashing waves of thoughts you’ve thought to shreds until you’ve overthought them so much you’re convinced you’ve imagined them.

how could you be here? with ethan…a man that’s honestly far too good to be with someone has messed up as you. messed up meaning mentality exhausted. he’s sleeping soundly beside you, breathing even and light - not like your strangled breath that comes out in uneven panicking puffs. it’s an out of body experience, as if you’re looking down at yourself in this lonely frenzy, one where no one is around the help, and you wouldn’t dream of waking ethan up when he looks so peaceful. even if looking at him so calm makes your anxiety worse. you take a moment to think about what he might be dreaming about for the smallest of a smile that has blessed his lips right now…maybe you? the sunset in Hawaii the week you both decided to run away together and not tell anyone? the future? are you in that future? what if he’s dreaming about someone else? you stop yourself short on that one, knowing it’s not fair to make accusations about such a ridiculous topic when you’re in this mindset. 

it happens from time to time - this panicked craze that has you up at all hours of the night while the world sleeps around you, almost mocking you for your silly anxiousness. moments like these are impossible to handle by yourself. most of the time, when you feel this sinking revelation that you won’t be getting any sleep due to the spiraling thoughts, you need a distraction - something your mind refuses to give you. because that would be to easy. it would be too easy to let your thoughts go for a couple hours, cuddle into ethans arms, and go to your safe place for a bit. it would be too easy to get up, make some coffee, maybe watch a movie as a distraction. 

no, instead you’re going to torture yourself like you always do. bury yourself in your thoughts until you can’t breathe and you don’t notice the sun rising over the hills and shining down on your exhausted body that craves for the moment ethan flutters his eyes open and makes you feel better you can’t wait-

“baby…”

you jump at the groggy sound of ethans voice, hoarse and thick. your head shoots to the side to catch his hazel eyes half closed but looking at you intently. the look of concern in his face let’s you know that he understands what’s going on without you having to say it. this isn’t his first ball game on a night like this. he knows it’s not something within your control, that your mind tumbles sometimes, but he’ll always be there to help you get back up. 

“what’s wrong? bad dream?” he goes on after noticing your lack of response. your hand is soon held within his large one tightly, circles being drawn on your wrist with his other as he tries to ground you. that’s always been his thing. he knows that at times like this you feel lost, as if you’re floating somewhere outside of your body, never really attached. he takes his time to gently whisper where you are, how you got there, what time it is, that you’ll be ‘okay’, that you’re safe and he won’t let anything happen to you as long as he has breath in his lungs and a mind that hasn’t failed him. and it does help. it helps more than anything for him to tell you something you already know in a beautiful way…like he wants you to know being here right now with him is where you belong. 

a small shake of your head gives him little information, but enough to let him know you’re in your own thoughts again, another sleepless night filled with worry about things out of your control. he’s been there too, many times, and you were always there as his shoulder to cry on. the support you give each other still blows his mind sometimes. he’s never had anyone that really understood him, of course grayson - but not someone that he’s not binded to with DNA. you…you’re miraculous, something ethereal that he has to keep learning about, forever changing, keeping him working. he loves it. 

he waits patiently for you to tell him what’s bothering you, your head coming up to trace patterns in the little hair that he has now that he shaved his head. it suits him. although you do miss his hair as fluffy and luscious as it was, he can pull this off too. 

“do you ever feel like….maybe you’re not meant to be here? like…you don’t deserve the good things that you have? like maybe…God gave the wrong person someone else’s good fortune?” you finally ponder out loud, scanning his prominent features for what he might think about your irrational thoughts. you never want to be a downer, especially in the middle of the night when the two of you are supposed to be asleep - but to not tell your boyfriend of three years what’s rattling around in your head keeping you awake would be a disservice. 

the look of disbelief tells you that - no - he doesn’t think any of that. 

“God didn’t make a mistake giving you a good life y/n…you deserve good things…what makes you think otherwise?” he mutters calmly, thumb rubbing over the hair by your temple to try and calm your erratic nerves racing through your body about what you might say next. your breathing grows heavier by the minute. 

“it’s just…I don’t feel like im worthy of the things I’ve been given. not when there are so many other people who deserve it more. I just feel…useless. what do I have to offer that someone else can’t? why do I get to…be with you when there are plenty of beautiful women more…suitable to your lifestyle? I just don’t understand why i’m sitting here breathing…” you’re voice is small, a shaky squeeze that reveals your nerves under the surface. the burning in your cheeks is a dead giveaway that it’s embarrassing to look so weak in front of someone so strong, even if you know he’d never judge you. it doesn’t help your overloaded mind. 

“because there is so much you have to offer - so much happiness that you give the world when it doesn’t deserve an ounce of it most of the time. you came into my life and…” he raises to his elbow first, then to his hip to look down at you with so much depth, like the weight of what he’s saying is too unbearable not to tell you. his large, strong hand raises to cup at the side of your face, his pulse resting against the dainty skin of your neck, close enough that you can feel the thumping against your skin, almost hear it humming, “hear that? i’m alive. i’m right here. and you don’t get to decide that you aren’t worth it. you don’t get to decide that you have no value. forgive me for being disgustingly mushy in the middle of the night but…i’m alive because of you. you’ve saved me more times than I could ever count on two hands. from myself, other people, shit that drags me down daily. you did that, y/n. you. yeah grayson of course because he’s not only my brother but my twin but you…have no obligation to love me and yet here you lay…spilling your heart out in some irrational fear that I won’t understand when really I’ve never heard something I relate to more.”

“this life doesn’t make sense and I fear it never will. but that fear goes away when I remember that I have you by my side to figure it out with me. we are a team, and as your boyfriend, teammate, best friend….future husband, I won’t ever let those thoughts take over to the point you can’t bring yourself back to me. you’re too important to be thinking of yourself this way. too special to not see that you’re alive and feeling all of this pressure because you’re meant to achieve greatness and you will - I promise you that. so…stop worrying yourself sleepless my love…it will all fall into place one day - it already is.” 

calm. understood. held. accepted. for once in your spiraling clusterfuck of a life you felt things you felt as if you’d been chasing and would never find, all because this 20 year old boy is looking at you with eyes full of tender wonderment like he can’t grasp why you don’t love yourself. his thumb continuously strokes the skin of your neck, your finger twiddling with the ring on his finger, gazing at him just to give you a bit more time to mewl over a response that could even come close to what he just said. he’s patient - something you’ve never had with a partner before. it’s always been fast and on the go, the complete opposite of the steady trusting pace of the relationship you have now. even if your life consists of jumping through hoops, working, and trying to do everything you can not to be on the hateful side of the media - the relationship you have with ethan always remains steady. 

“thank you for always having the right thing to say…” you begin, kissing at his knuckles lightly, “I know that it’s not the greatest of moments to be having a life crisis and I know I sound like a broken record…but thank you for always being so patient with me when everyone else would have shrugged it off and turned away. I hope all of the things you say are true even if i’m doubtful i’m anymore than a background dancer in everyone else show-”

“never,” he interjects with a chuckle, stopping at your mouth still ajar in mid sentence. 

“-but you never make me feel like i’m anything less than royalty and i’m trying my best to see what you see.” 

leaning in close he gives you a ghost of a kiss, simple and soft, like he’s afraid too much pressure might break you. with a grin you’re bringing him closer with a hand resting on the back of his neck, playing with the little hairs that were recently cut. you can feel in the kiss that he plans to always have it this way for as long as he can, being there for you whenever you need that extra boost of reassurance, and vice versa. 

“but I will say that my princess needs her sleep, I’ve noticed all the naps your taking and although i’m happy you’re getting the sleep whenever you can, it makes me nervous that you’re running on empty all the time,” ethan soothes, laying back down on his side and opening his arms to guide you against his chest, always loving the feeling of your weight on him while he sleeps. you can’t say that you complain about the position, knowing you’ve woken many morning with the biggest smile that ever come on your face because of that very same position. he always has a way of bringing out the happiness in you. 

you oblige to his request, hooking your other leg around his waist and flattening your face down on his chest, noticing that his heartrate his exceptionally more rhythmic than it was moments ago when he was pouring his heart out to you. you like the thumping sound, knowing it will be your bedtime lullaby for many more nights to come almost has you drifting off into that wonderful dreamland you always wish for on nights like this and never receive. but as the moments tick on and you start to replay all the mushy, love filled truths that ethan explained so kindly to you, it takes you only a moment to remember one tiny little detail that had latched on your heart like a lasso. deciding that you wouldn't be able to sleep until you confirm the scene in your memory, you push pride aside and take a deep breathe before sitting up and giving him your best curious smile, tapping at his cheek before you speak. 

“oh and one more thing…did you say future husband?” 

[liliesoftherain]

Gosh that Im Obsessed fic with Izuku was so lovely and I was wondering if I could like a continuation of it with the reader saying to him #52 from the prompt list? I need me a good kiss for this now oh man.

52. “Can I kiss you right now?”

A/N: Oh my gosh yES, I was honestly wondering myself if I should make something with the kiss and you just gave me the perfect reason to. I made this really quick so I didn’t read through it for mistakes, hope you enjoy anyways!

Part 1 - I’m Obsessed 

Izuku snapped out of his thoughts from the past once he heard your laugh echo across the common room. His cheeks burned brightly, whether it was from your your cute giggles that were promptly making his head spin, or from the intoxicating memory of your hands on his face, he wasn’t sure. He knew he hadn’t been the same around you since that day, and it wasn’t hard to figure out why. 

He was head over heels in love with you, and all it took for him to realize was that beautiful smile on your face to realize it. 

Who would have guessed, the one thing you did everyday without fail for years is what causes him to understand his feelings. He now knows why he had been so curious about you, why he had always sought you out from the crowds of everyone else. 

“Hey Izuku, if you keep day dreaming you’ll be behind on studying for finals.” You teased while sitting next to him.

He jumped at the shock that passed through him once your thighs touch his, mouth drying out and his heartbeat being the only thing he could hear. If he could hear it, surely you could? Were you questioning why it was so loud, were you thinking about that night-

“Izuku?” Your eyes frowned, but that beaming grin stayed on your face. 

You were concerned for him, but you wanted him to know that you were here. He knew what your different faces meant. You spoke more with your eyes than you did with your mouth, how could you not with that lips stretched across your face like that? Did it hurt? Were your cheeks as soft as your hands? Probably softer- 

He stopped himself before his thoughts went to far again and have you worry even more.

“I-I’m alright, well, uh..” He couldn’t talk properly, it felt like his tongue was too big for his mouth. He had flashbacks to his first year when all he did was stutter, how embarrassing.

He gulped as your eyes glazed over with a look- why did it look like you knew something he didn’t?

“Hey, come with me for a minute.” You stood and held out your hand, and he stared at it with such wonder till he finally reached out.

As soon as his hand was in yours he felt his whole mind go blank. You pulled him up effortlessly and had no idea that they boy you were pulling behind you was now lost to the world.

All Izuku could think about were your hands. They felt almost perfect in his own, better than he could have dreamed. Whenever he was able to touch your hands, by helping each other up from sparring lessons or such, he always wore his gloves. He was never able to feel your skin properly, but now, oh gosh your hands were so warm and lovely.

Dainty yet strong.

Firm yet so soft.

Perfect in every way.

He could barley feel the light callouses that formed on your palms, the overwhelming softness in compared to his own is all he could take away. But they way your fingers tightened around his own palm, he could feel the years of training in them. 

You glanced back and saw Izuku staring down at your clasped hands, his gentle expression making your heart flutter. You bite you lip at, debating internally before deciding to take the plunge and thread your fingers with his. You hold back a chuckle as his eyes widen and stare at you in a flustered manor.

Once you got far away enough from the curious stares of your friends, you stopped, turning to face him.

“So what’s going on, you haven’t been yourself recently.”

He wanted to sigh and laugh and scream at the same time. Your hand was still in his and that wasn’t helping his already jumbled mess of a brain right now, but then you were also asking him what was wrong? 

Did you not feel the same way he did? Was there no love in your tender hold on his face? Was it all just merely platonic in nature and he was the one who let himself get dragged further into the depths of feelings while you remain floating contently on the shallow end?

“I..” He once more was at a loss for words, but this time it was due to the fear creeping it’s way into the expanse of his mind. He was going to make a fool out of himself wasn’t he?

You saw the inner struggle in his gaze, and hoped you wouldn’t make it worse with your next move. 

Bringing your arm up, you slowly cupped his face like you did that night, what felt like so long ago. His cheeks were soft, still holding some baby fat but you could feel the definition under the pads of your fingertips. 

His freckles were the death of you really. That was what you first noticed about him when you met him all those years ago after all. He wasn’t anything special at first, people telling him many times he was a plain looking boy, and you agreed to some extent. His hair was messy, eyes always nervous, small lanky body and a quirk that didn’t seem to work right.

But then there was his freckles. 

Those dots that painted his skin were more than just plain. They were beautiful, like glittering stars in an endless night sky. If you took the stars out endless space above, it was just that. Space. Nothing to catch the attention of onlookers below, blank and in need of something to help liven it up.

That’s what his freckles did, they brought life and light into him. He was still the same boy as time flew by, same messy hair, same eyes, same lanky body. But now, his hair was as wild and more memorizing than any astronomical phenomenon. His eyes were like supernovas, there was mystery in them but they shined brighter than an entire galaxy. His body was strong and it was perfect, the constellations couldn’t make as beautiful a pattern, even if they spent their entire lives trying to.

This boy had grown into a man before your very eyes and you were happy to have been able to experience it with your own eyes.

Izuku’s breath caught in his throat just like it did the first time you did this, and he saw your eyes mellowed agonizingly slow until his favorite part happened,

Your lips loosened, your smile softening till it was barley painted on. His eyes stayed trained on your mouth, and he felt a surge of confidence. He needed to know the answer to the question. He wanted to feel how soft your lips were, and if they were as soft as the look you were giving him. The question left him before he had time to think.

“Can I kiss you right now?”

You batted your eyes in surprise at the boldness of his words, and your body shivered with his husky tone. It was surreal, having the Izuku Midoriya asking to kiss you, but you were no fool.

“Yes.” Was all you said, voice so low he almost didn’t hear you. Almost.

That was all it took for him to lovingly cup your cheeks in his hands, his thumbs running along your face as you did to him before. He drank in the picture before him. Your eyes half lidded and that slight quirk of your lips was too much for him to handle, and he couldn’t wait another second.

His kiss was soft, his hands were rough, but overall you felt warmth. 

Izuku put a light pressure, making the kiss slow and sweet. It was just a peck, and it ended all too soon for your liking. He pulled away and felt a shudder run down his spin, your eyes were still closed and your mouth was in a perfect pout. 

He leaned down again, catching you off guard as you only just began to open your eyes. He kissed a bit harder this time, molding his lips onto yours perfectly. The stars danced behind your eyelids only reminded you of his freckles, and how right you were about Izuku being something out of this world.

Izuku was feeling the same, but instead of stars he saw the sun. He thought of you as the giant ball of happiness and warmth that everyone worshiped, because that is who you were. Now, he was holding that in his hands, and he was determined to never let you go. 

You pulled back after a few moments to catch your breath, basking in his beauty and he in your light. 

"What’s that look for?” You giggled at the dopey grin on his face, and he was pulled in even deeper by you. He held your tightly in his arms, his large frame engulfing you as you hugged. He was intoxicated by you, dare he say:

“I’m obsessed.” 

[shhh-no-ones-home]

behind the barrier din djarin x reader

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Im back! or at least for right now i am. this is the only story i have for a while because i started writing a new book during my break and have been focusing on that more than anything. i promise i will be back with something else before the month is over, i just dont know how soon that will be right now lol. until then though i hope you all like this one because i have thought of nothing but the Mandalorian since the season two finale absolutely wrecked my body and soul :)

themes of nightmares, war flashbacks, and surgical ptsd. its nothing too heavy, i dont think, but as always read at your own risk

Song: disguise by motionless in white

tag list: @cynic-spirit

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I sat at the end of the bed, head in my hands and shaking it lightly to a beat that wasn't there. Din had been asleep for a good while now, curled up behind me. God I wanted this to be over, I wanted the nightmares to be over. I stood up, rubbing my hands over my face as I started pacing the otherwise empty room. It had a bed and a small table and a sink placed outside the privy. It was cozy, or at least it should've been. When I heard the bed creak I drew my blaster, pointing it to din as he sat up slowly.

"Y/n? What time is it?"

He asked groggily, his voice gruff coming through the modulator. I sighed, holstering the gun.

"Almost day light."

I said reluctantly, moving to the small window and pulling the wood slat back. We probably had about two hours till the suns came up.

"Have you slept?"

He asked, sounding more awake now as he started the walk around the bed to get to me. I shook my head no as I leaned against the window sill.

"We have a long day ahead of us, you might want to try."

He said and I scoffed, a laugh barely audible emerging from my chapped lips.

"I'll be alright."

I said, Finally looking to him. He was still in full armor, helmet too. He was still on the fence about removing it, despite having taken it off for the kid he spoke so fondly about. I grew up hearing about Mandalorians and it was never anything like what he told me, even in the few months id known him. And I still hadn't seen his face, or the foundling. He puzzled me sometimes.

"You're lying to me aren't you?"

He asked and I sighed.

"Just go back to sleep. I'll figure something out."

I said, being startled by him leaning into the window beside me, causing me to scoot over in the small space.

"I hear you screaming sometimes."

He said and I tensed up.

"And?"

I asked, seeing him turn to me out of the corner of my eye.

"You haven't told me everything have you?"

He asked and I shook my head.

"I'm not what you see on the outside that's for sure."

I said through a dark laugh.

"Do you trust me?"

He asked and I shrugged.

"Do you trust me?"

I asked back, a long silence following.

"Touche."

He finally said, standing and walking away. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply before standing and turning to him, now on the other side of the bed where he had started.

"Din-"

I said quickly and he stopped, his back still to me.

"Don't take it personally, I don't trust a lot of people. But I'm glad you took me in when I had nowhere else to go. It's just-"

I paused for a second, trying to collect my words and he turned to look at me over his shoulder.

"You don't know what it's like out there, to be stripped of your identity and put back together piece by piece."

He slowly turned his whole body to look at me.

"I close my eyes and I see them. I'm so tired of running but I know I cant really face myself either."

I said softly, looking to the ground.

"Maybe we're more alike than I thought."

He said nonchalantly before turning back around and opening the cabin door. I sighed as he disappeared down the hall, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"If you only knew."

°°°°°°°°°

"What happened?!"

He yelled as we ran through town, shots being fired.

"How should I know?"

I quipped back, ducking behind a metal beam, grabbing him and pulling him into me. We both panted, looking to each other as the red flashed around us.

"I can't keep this up."

I said through a harsh breath and he tilted his head.

"We don't have another choice right now."

He said, looking over my shoulder before grabbing my hand and pulling me along.

"Din I can't!"

I yelled over the crashing behind us, feeling my legs and eyelids getting heavier. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept in over 38 hours and we had been working all day. My body just couldn't keep up anymore.

"Keep going."

He said through what sounded like gritted teeth as he drug me around.

"Din."

I said softly, feeling my feet go out from under me, his hand slipping from mine as I hit the ground hard.

"Y/n!"

He yelled as my eyes closed. The last thing I felt was a gust of wind before everything went blank.

°°°°°°°°

More running. Except this time it was from a tall, dark, hooded figure. I couldn't quite make him out but he was chasing me. He was gaining on me, his hand outstretched as the sounds of gears grinding filled my brain. No. No. I wasn't being put under again. I couldn't take the pain anymore. No. Don't take me back. No. I can't do this again. Let go of me. Get off. Why won't you all listen? I don't want to go to war for you again. No. I just want to be normal again. Stop it. Let me go. No. No!

"LET GO!"

I yelled, jolting upright in bed, feeling my body drenched in sweat. It was then that I realized I had pushed din backwards away from me. He was stumbling back at the foot of the bed and we were somehow back at the inn. Everything was painted in the low glow of orange light and this was the first time I'd seen him without his helmet. But I knew it was him, he still had his other armor on. Then I realized. He looked scared. Was that because of me? I let out a staggered breath, one I didn't know I was holding, as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I closed my eyes for a second before snapping them back open and placing my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry."

He said, peaking my interest. His voice was harsh, like he'd been screaming too. I wonder if his throat burned like mine did.

"For what?"

I asked, barely above a whisper, now noticing I wasn't in the same clothes I had been in before. I sat upright, looking to my exposed arms, the metal and wires of my upper arm and shoulder shining under the tank top straps. I was mad but only for a second.

"I'm not sure."

He said a little lost and I laughed.

"I guess we know each other's secrets now."

I said looking from my arm to him. He sent me a small knowing smile, matching my own.

"Does it hurt?"

He asked, noting the irritated skin where the metal was attached both at my chest and my forearm. After they configured my new shoulder and upper arm they had reattached it to the metal. I inspected it as he moved to sit beside me.

"Sometimes."

I said softly and I could see pity flash across his face.

"Is that what you dream about?"

He asked, me looking around for my jacket. I nodded as I found it and slipped it on.

"Sometimes."

I said again.

"Is that what you where dreaming about this time?"

I sighed, sending him a look.

"yeah. They were hunting me, holding me down and bolting me back together."

He nodded once, clearing his throat.

"I see why you wanted them to let go."

He said and I laughed.

"It's not all bad I guess, I'm more ashamed than anything and I only dream about it when it hurts. Or I guess it hurts when I dream about it, I've never really figured out which it is."

"How did it happen?"

He asked, turning to face me and running his hand over my arm, tracing his finger tips lightly over the leather of my jacket and pushing the wires flat.

"I got shot by a battle droid, point blank. It completely blew out half my shoulder, chest, and arm. I was a soldier at the time, drafted, not willingly; and because I was one of the poorer soldiers they decided I was a perfect test subject for their new med team. I couldn't afford proper help and my forearm was barely holding on by a few tendons so they experimented on me. Sometimes I can still feel the pain of their needles digging into my skin and tacking my muscles to the metal."

I said, looking down at my hand, opening and closing it a few times.

"It took months to figure out how to use my hand again, after more poking and prodding, reattaching the nerves to more wires."

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. There was a flash of white light and I could see the doctor clear as day, coming at me with a scalpel. I opened my eyes back up when I felt him hug me.

"I won't let them do that to you again."

He said softly and I froze, not sure what to do.

"Din-"

"I promise I'll keep you safe."

He whispered and my face fell. There was a long moment of silence like he needed this as much as I did but I finally hugged him back.

"Thank you for being a friend din."

I said and he nodded against me.

"I'll keep you safe."

He repeated and I could feel tears burning my eyes. No one had ever done anything like what he'd done for me in the few short months we'd been traveling together. Maybe this was it, this was what family felt like. I squeezed him tighter to me, digging my face into his neck and he let out a shaky breath.

"I'll always keep you safe."

[alkhale]

hi! idk if youre still doing requests (please ignore this if you're not!) but would you be willing to write something about hawks trying to win over/court an omega who is really prickly/rough around the edges/hates being an omega? thank you very much! im sorry if you arent open for requests!

OFC YOU CAN HAVE AN ALPHA! HAWKS HERE YA GO

Another ko-fi request! This was a blast to write so ty for the prompt

No Need (Alpha!Hawks x Omega!Reader)

“What the heck is that?”

In hindsight, for a man who prided himself on always trying to look at things from a bird’s eye view, he probably should’ve foreseen what would happen after.

But Hawks was twenty-two and tired, so cut him some slack.

To his credit, you don’t look annoyed or offended. There’s a slight twitch to your brow, a faint downwards curve of your lip. You don’t look up from where you’ve been doing your paperwork, filing away his latest mission reports. “Papers.”

Hawks thumbed the cup of coffee in his left hand. He shifted on his feet and then thumbed the other cup in his right hand. He’d gotten two, one for you and one for him as your usual routine called for. You were always sliding time out for him to bring him something and it was only right he do the same for you–strictly as a kind boss and a good worker (which is what he would say to you until you gave him the signal that he could say otherwise). He’d even gotten the cream right this time, just the way you liked that always made you smile that kinda small, goofy and cute smile that made some more primal part of him pleased that he was doing something right.

He’d said once as an offhanded joke to test the waters that it was an alpha’s job after all to take care of his “pack.” You, despite being a beta, had refused the coffee if that was the case and told him he should’ve gone with flock instead.

Second genders are strictly secondary. He swallowed, a breezy grin curling over his lips as he arched one of his brows and tipped his head to the side. His wings shifted against his back, ruffling uncertainly because, well, yeah that had been the idea but now…

It didn’t look comfortable, for sure. Sleek, black, and sturdy. It curved around your neck and protected all the sensitive spots any typical omega would need to look out for when it came to unwanted advances. Forced marking could be considered a crime under certain circumstance, and the popularity in such protective collars had skyrocketed with recent realization that sometimes matters had to be taken into your own hands.

The collar clipped neatly around your neck, complete with a small silver flower to make the whole thing seem a little cuter than it actually was. Hawks’ brain was currently trying to reroute itself and arrive back on track because the biggest problem here was–

“You’re an omega?” Hawks swallowed.

The coffees in his hands suddenly felt like dead weight. There was a urging in the back of his mind to take this information with him and fly as fucking far with it as he could because–yes, yes, yes. He wanted you–beta, omega, hell, he’d find some way to work with it if you were an alpha too just…you. This sudden realization suddenly had his instincts shifting to attention and as annoying as the damn things were half the time, in his opinion, he felt strangely in line with them today as he stared, watching your face avidly and eyes dipping down to your wrists and then back to your protected neck.

He wanted to hold you, touch you, contact, contact, contact.

Right there. His mind urged. Right there. Right there. Make it happen. You can do this.

Your face went tense for a moment. Brows creased and you stopped writing at his question. Hawks’ mind quickly backpedaled and he racked his entire brain for a semblance of charm and persuasion to have you seeing him as much more than just a boss (maybe in the bedroom) and as someone who could potentially be your mate.

He justed wanted to make you happy.

“Well, it’s just that,” Hawks continued easily, setting the coffee down gently on your desk so he could free one hand. “I always thought you might’ve been a beta.”

Your face slackened a bit at that. So you don’t like being an omega. Your pen tapped against the paper, looking thoughtful and Hawks added, “Or an alpha to be honest.”

Your eyes flickered up to him, wide and searching and curious. God, I love those eyes. His wings shifted against his back, itching to curl around you on instinct to make this a private conversation between two. “You’re always taking such good care of me, you know? Getting things done, always on top of stuff… There’s no way I’d make it this far without you.”

“You’re too much,” you huffed. But there was a pleased little smile tugging at your lips and you hummed, pulling his coffee closer to you. Hawks felt his chest swell in pride and he leaned further on your desk, brushing the edge of his wing teasingly against the wood. “It’s just my job, you dork.”

“C’mon, I notice a lot more than you think I do,” Hawks protested. He casually dragged a finger against the smooth surface of your desk, drumming his fingers. “A lot, actually.”

You hummed in response, tipping the hot liquid towards your lips. Hawks reached upwards, fingers reaching past your cheek and you went rigid for a moment. He saw your nose twitch, your eyes flicker and he consciously urged his sent, his aura towards to just teasingly so. You were a special case, one that required a tactful approach and he’d do no less with you. His sent flooded your senses and he watched you throat bob as you swallowed thickly, bringing the coffee closer to your nose and his fingers tapped the hard metal of the collar.

Hawks frowned at the sound, tilting his head. “So what brought this on?”

If you felt the least bit threatened–he would step in. There was no way he’d allow you to feel such doubts and fear when he could do anything about. He was the number two hero for God’s sake–he could do this much for you at least.

You looked prettier without it anyways.

An image of his lips on you skin flashed through his mind and Hawks smiled, just short of starving.

You frowned, reaching up and brushing his hand aside as you touched your own collar. An angry scowl marred your lips and you scoffed. “Some asshole got a little too aggressive at the train station. Think just because my heat’s coming I’m an easy fix? What a load of crap.”

Hawks took two important bits of information from that sentence. Filing one away for his own personal use, he latched onto the other, “You filed a report, didn’t you?”

His wings fluffed out, making him look twice his size. “Accurate descriptions. I’ll find him myself and make sure he doesn’t do a single thing again. I can’t have my cute secretary being bothered on her way home from work.”

“Thanks, hero,” you grinned, shaking your head. “They took him in for questioning. It’s fine, I can take care of myself.” You flashed him a sharper look and he held up his hands placatingly, setting them back down closer to yours. “Just… felt like I should put this on for good measure is all.”

You sneered at the desk, “Since it’s so hard for people to resist an omega in heat. Jerks don’t even think that it’s their fault, always ours.”

Hawks made a mental note to look into the case anyway and see to it personally. His wings drooped a bit, an easy task to make himself appear at ease and inviting. He pushed out with a soothing scent, urging you to relax yourself and he hummed lowly in his throat when he saw your shoulders slacken a bit and your eyes fluttered shut as you inhaled.

“People only see omegas when they want to see them,” you murmured, eyes fluttering open and he watched as you subconsciously reached out with a finger and he curved one wing around for you. Your index finger dragged against one of his contour feathers and Hawks’ low noise of approval increased, bordering a purr. You sighed, his scent curling thickly around the two of you like a protective blanket.

And to the employees skidding to a halt outside your door, a warning.

“That’s all we are,” you scowled. “Nothing more.”

A thoughtful look flickered over your features and you set your coffee down. “You know, you smell oddly good today. Kinda like–”

“I see you.”

You stopped. Your eyes blinked, wide and confused and traveled up to meet his gaze. Hawks reached up, bringing his visor down to hang around his neck. Those sharp eyes pinned you into place and you felt a chill you hadn’t felt in a long time run down your spine. Your throat closed up, senses flaring and you suddenly felt nothing more than a field mouse parting ferns beneath the watchful eyes of something far above you.

Predator.

Though his eyes were sharp, they burned. You felt a flare of warmth along your cheeks and Hawks smiled. A boyish, easy smile that curved against his roguish features. “I see ya.”

Walls rose up and you reminded yourself of the tightness of your collar. “Yeah, yeah, I get it–”

“So let me walk you home from now on,” Hawks said smoothly. Your lost your voice, words tumbling over your lips as you stared and he smiled. “Okay?”

“I can take care–”

“Not to take care of you,” Hawks shook his head, hand settling atop yours when did that get there and his fingers brushed against your wrist, “to keep me company. I’ve been missing you.”

“But–”

“And from now on,” his other hand had already set down the second coffee. You were still, lost in those swirling, engulfing eyes as his fingers curved around your collar. They brushed below your chin, tilting your head just a bit to the side and Hawks’ lips curved into a sharper grin.

Hungry.

You felt the collar loosen and a soft click resounded through your office. The weight of your collar slipped from your neck and onto the floor with a quiet thud. Hawks dragged a finger along the thin column of your neck and his scent washed over you, comforting, sweet, powerful and your normally witty and quipped remarks died on your tongue as his wings fanned out and curved over both of you.

Hawks leaned forward and the sun turned his eyes molten.

“You won’t need that anymore.”

- i was gonna make reader a little more catty but c’mon, he brought you coffee

[yodawgiherd]

Melting

Rating: T

>>>Read on AO3<<<

It's hot af here, so I was wondering, what if I made it the same way in my fic? HMMMMMMMMMM? Im a genius dont @ me.

It’s funny how quickly the weather changes. Few days back, he was still wearing hoodies, but now Eren was glad that his car has such a good air conditioning system, allowing him to make the trip back home from work relatively unscathed. Pulling next to Mikasa’s bike, he wondered how the hell did she survive driving that infernal machine in this heat, especially clad head to toe in black leather, her usual biker attire. The house was eerily empty, void of any activity or sounds, making Eren question if perhaps Mikasa wasn’t even home, maybe having an extra-long modeling session or working out too much, as she tends to. But then again, with how large the mansion was, sometimes too big for just the two of them honestly, he should better make sure. A quick search later, Eren was proven wrong, as his lovely fiancé was indeed here, sunbathing in the backyard next to the full pool. She was really looking like the picture of relaxation, stretched on a sun lounger, her porcelain skin in sharp contrast to the strapless black bikini she wore. Stylish piece. Nearing her, Eren couldn’t tell is she was sleeping or not, her eyes hidden behind sunglasses, but his unspoken question got answered, because when he came to stand next to the lounger, Mikasa perked up and pushed the glasses out of her face, blinking at him.  

“Doing okay?”, he asked, watching her smile grew wider as she nodded at him with her half-full glass.

“I’m perfect actually.”

“You filled the pool.”, Eren observed, “How’s the water?”

“Warm, as everything nowadays. When I came home and saw what the temperature was, going for the pool was the only possible option I saw.”

“Smart.”

“I know right? Now that the sun is trying to cook us alive, I have to trade my scarf for the water.”, she snickered, “Which kinda sucks, because the new one you gave me is really comfortable.”

“It’s fine, you can put it back on once the summer is done. Plus, it wouldn’t match that bikini at all.”

“You think so?”, she looked down at her body, trying to imagine how the weird combo of swimwear with a scarf would look like. She should ask Pixis.

“Yep. No need to draw away the eyes of everyone by the aggressive red color when the stuff you wear is so elegant.”

“Aw, thanks, I wore this piece for a photoshoot a week back, the swimsuit season is starting, and I liked it so much that I bought it after.”, rolling left and right to give Eren the best possible view, she looked at him over the rim of her glasses, “Like it?”

“Love it, it suits you. Most of the things you bring home from the model agency do, did you perhaps consider that you might be developing a sense for fashion?”

“Me? Fashion?”, Mikasa gasped, seemingly outraged, “How could you!”

“The people you whoosh past on your bike surely appreciate the tasteful combinations and fitting cut of your leather gear.”

“The only leather gear I want fitted is the one I use with you.”, slowly, she traced the shape of her upper lip with the tip of her tongue, “If you know what I’m talking about.”

Taken aback, Eren just stared at her, the silence interrupted by Mikasa’s loud slurping, as she continued draining whatever was left in her glass, her predatory gaze not leaving his face. Classic.

“Since you’re already here, why don’t you massage my back? Got a few cramps that have been legit killing me.”, she offered, seeing that he was still out of words to say. So easy to get him flustered sometimes.

Shrugging, as he was always down to give her a massage, Eren motioned for her to turn over, sitting on the lounger and shamelessly abusing the opportunity to ogle her ass, as Mikasa was now lying on her front, because that thing was still simply too perfect to be true. Butt that belonged to fiction, on statues and painting, but here it was, delightfully exposed as her bikini bottom dug in-between her ass cheeks, giving him an unobstructed view. Mikasa did not skip leg day, did her squats, and it showed. Mostly to prevent himself from drooling, Eren dragged his gaze upwards, on her back where his hands were hard at work right now, opening his mind and focusing on finding the sore muscles, easing the tension out of them.

“The tattoo project coming along fine?”, he asked, mostly to fill the silence because when they were not talking, it was way too easy to slide his gaze down over the sinful curve of her body and back down to the holy land above Mikasa’s long legs.

“Mhmm. Just finishing the designs now.”, she cracked an eye open, watching him over her shoulder, “You still want it? To have the matching wings on our back?”

“Totally.”

“Then it should be ready soon.”, a bit of a dreamy expression entered her features, “It’s going to look great, trust me.”

“You’re the tattoo expert here, I’ll take your word for it.”

“Having ink on my wrist doesn’t make me an expert.”

“That’s still one more than I have.”

Not sure how to answer that, Mikasa fell silent, closing her eyes and letting Eren work out the kinks of her back, melting into his touch. It felt great, as always, and she almost fell asleep, completely relaxed under the sun. But that just wouldn’t do, as she still wanted to swim, the water was perfect after all, so waking up with a start, she eyed her boyfriend, who stood up to give her room on the chair.

“Come on, don’t stand there like that. Clothes off, the pool’s waiting!”, she ordered.

But Eren was already shaking his head.

“I don’t think I can right now, I have to….”

The feeling of Mikasa’s hands gently but very strongly taking hold of his waist stopped his excuses.

“Baby…”, she whispered, sliding out of the lounger to stand next to him,  “That was not a request.”

Gaze following hers to the water surface and back, the terrible clarity of what was about to happen flooded Eren’s mind.

“You wouldn’t.”, he tried.

She grinned.

“Yes I would.”

“Mikasa no.”

“Mikasa yes!”

And then he was being half dragged half carried towards the pool, with strength he had no chance of resisting, his captor completely ignoring any pleadings. Push came to shove, Eren lost his footing, and flew over the rim, his back hitting the water surface. The sound of Mikasa’s laughter got replaced by the sound of water gushing all around him, as he submerged, whatever curse he tried shouting dying in his throat. Eren wasn’t a bad swimmer, so after a few seconds he easily resurfaced, even with the weight of the wet clothes dragging him down, just in time to see Mikasa’s elegant dive, arcing over him and hardly disturbing the water as she disappeared beneath the blue too. Eren tried frowning at her, when her head appeared above the surface, but her grin was just too infectious, making him unable to stay mad at her.

“I do hope you didn’t have a phone in your pockets.”, she winked at him, “Would be quite a loss.”

Luckily he left both phone and car keys at the kitchen’s table, but she didn’t know that.

“That wasn’t very nice of you.”, Eren grumbled, doing his best to appear at least a bit angry.

“And what are you going to do about it?”, she countered, the tease clear in her voice.

“I’ll think of something…”, eyes narrowing, Eren tried swimming closer, only for Mikasa to edge away.

“Good luck with that, since you’ll have to catch me first.”, and she bolted.

The pool was big, big enough for her to evade him basically forever, since she was both a better swimmer and Eren still had the clothes to slow him down, but after a bit of a chase Mikasa did allow herself to be caught on the shallow end, back to the wall as Eren caged her in with his arms, loving that he was finally able to stand.

“Got you now Ackerman.”, he growled.

“Oh no, whatever shall I do?”, she moaned helplessly, loping her arms around Eren’s neck.

Seeing that she was very much on board with whatever he intended, he repositioned his hands from the wall and slid them down over her back and down, finally reaching that firm shape of her butt. While watching it was great and all, touching it still took the cake. But he didn’t even get a chance to explain his evil plan, because as soon as he dug his fingers in Mikasa took it as an invitation and leaned closer, aggressively pressing her mouth on his. The water helped when she wrapped her legs around Eren’s waist, the weight of her body greatly reduced, so he could focus on licking into her mouth instead, brushing his tongue against hers. It was great, it was amazing, so Eren was surprised when the raven pulled back, fingers working diligently to unbutton his wet shirt.

“Something wrong?”, he asked, allowing her to remove his top and throw it out of the pool.

“We gotta christen the pool properly.”, she responded, hand disappearing under the surface to undo Eren’s belt, “But you have to sit on the edge, I can’t breathe underwater.”

It took him a few seconds to understand what she was implying, but when he did Eren jumped up rather quickly, taking a seat and watching as she pulled his underwear down, eyes sparkling.

“Now what do we have here…”

Hitch woke up alone, the bed next to her empty but warm, implying that Jean wasn’t gone for long. Sitting up, she wrapped herself in blanket and began her search, which was bound to be short considering that her flat was anything but big. Her lover and recent roommate was sitting in the kitchen, next to an open window, a cigarette in hand.

“I thought you quit.”, she said, sitting opposite him.

Jean followed her gaze to the burning tobacco roll between his fingers, as if he just realized that he was holding it.

“I did.”, he sighed, taking another drag, “But I found myself craving  a smoke after the discussion we had. And I wasn’t strong enough to resist.”

Unearthing old pains was part of Hitch’s job, so she was very familiar with the haunted look on Jean’s face, knowing that falling back into his bad habit of smoking is definitely not a solution.

“You should look for him.”, she offered, “Try to reconnect.”

“Marco? I told you, I have no idea if he’s even alive. Waste of time.”

But when Jean tried raising to cigarette up to take another drag, Hitch reached over and plucked it out of his fingers, squishing it against the ashtray.

“Sitting here and smoking is not gonna help.”, she hissed, “What’s the harm in searching anyway?”

“Maybe I don’t want to know what happened to him.”, he murmured, not meeting her gaze, “What if I look for him and find out that he really died?”

“Closure is better than uncertainty.”, Hitch insisted. Reaching over the table, she squeezed his hand, finally making him look up at her, “I’ll help you.”

He couldn’t say no to her, especially now that they were eye to eye, and the warmth and supportiveness in her gaze were undeniable. Doing his best to smile, albeit he didn’t feel like it at all, Jean nodded at her, making her face light up even more. She stood up, tugging at his hand until he followed the motion, and together they crossed the distance back to the bedroom, because it was still late, and they were both tired. The search, whatever that might be, can wait till tomorrow.

The snakes twisting in Sasha’s stomach wouldn’t stop, no matter how much she tried to focus on her work and not on them. The rows of numbers dancing in front of her eyes did nothing to overcome her fear and worry, making even the simplest tasks of accounting nigh impossible. The bar was doing great, that was a good thing, customers were aplenty, and so far no one has suffered any dangerous consequences after drinking one of Hange’s hellish experimental drinks, straight from the lab, people actually seemed to enjoy them, a thing that boggled Sasha’s mind to no end.

But all those facts paled, when she remembered why she was even upset in the first place, fists clenching helplessly. Niccolo was gone. Ever since he tried to dig deeper in their combined efforts of finding Gabi, contact people that he shouldn’t, she hasn’t heard from him since. And that scared her. If anything happened to Niccolo, it was because of her and the stupid quest she embarked on, the young cook had no stake in the game, yet he was nothing but helpful to her. She had to do something, try and locate him on her own, just sitting here crunching numbers wasn’t going to cut it. But looking out of the window, she could see that it was dark outside, night, and beginning anything now  would be rather stupid on her part. In the morning then, she’s going to find him. On her own, if she must.

[e8luhs]

WOKE UP NEW.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY

TRACKLIST & ANNOTATIONS UNDER THE CUT! (last edited 03.16.19)

I. ARE YOU SATISFIED? / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

cause it’s my problem if i want to pack up and run away it’s my business if i feel the need to smoke and drink and swear it’s my problem, it’s my problem if i feel the need to hide and it’s my problem if i have no friends and feel i want to die

II. LIFESPAN / VAULTS

oh, you took what you wanted to take and yet you never wanted nothing from me oh, you took what you wanted to take and yet you never wanted nothing from me

III. RAIN IN SOHO / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

no promise sweeter than a blood pact nothing harder to go through than a vanishing act no morning colder than the first frost no friends close than the ones we've lost

IV. LEMON GLOW / BEACH HOUSE

read my fortune too, tell me what you see cross it like a t it's all the same to me this game i play, i do it every day i promise I'll be fine, bear it every time

V. SATELLITE MIND / METRIC

i’m not suicidal i just can't get out of bed i drift into a deep fog lost where i forgot to hold it i can feel you most when i'm alone i can feel your ghost when i'm alone

VI. PEDESTRIAN AT BEST / COURTNEY BARNETT

my internal monologue is saturated analog it's scratched and drifting, i've become attached to the idea it's all a shifting dream, bittersweet philosophy i've got no idea how I even got here i'm resentful, I'm having an existential time crisis want bliss, daylight savings won't fix this mess under-worked and over-sexed, i must express my disinterest the rats are back inside my head, what would freud have said?

VII. BORN TO LOSE / SLEIGH BELLS

took a shot to the head in the back near the crib such a legend now, you were born to lose ‘cause i know that the pain keeps you close to the flame you know everything, you were born to lose

VIII. STICKS AND STONES / THE PIERCES

sticks and stones will break your bones and leave you lying in the mud but you get scared when we're alone, like i might suck your blood and i could tell you a witch's spell but it just might blow your top and you start to run just as I'm having fun and it's awfully hard to stop, it's awfully hard to stop

IX. BLACK OUT DAYS / PHANTOGRAM   

speak in tongues i don't even recognize your face mirror on the wall tell me all the ways to stay away

X. THE OUTSIDER / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

i look myself in the face and whisper "i'm in the wrong place" is there more to lose than gain if i go on my own again? (on my own again)

XI. SPELLBOUND / SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES

following the footsteps of a rag doll dance we are entranced spellbound

XII. ARTIFICIAL NOCTURNE / METRIC

i’m just as fucked up as they say i can't fake the daytime i found an entrance to escape into the dark got false lights for the sun it's an artificial nocturne an outsider's escape for a broken heart

XIII. AUTOCLAVE / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

i am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam and no emotion that's worth having could call my heart its home my heart's an autoclave my heart's an autoclave

XIV. BAD DREAMS / PHANTOGRAM

bad things never neglect me i'm just a scene in a movie bad thoughts never arrest me i'm just a flash in a memory

XV. BEAT (HEALTH, LIFE, AND FIRE) / THAO & THE GET DOWN STAY DOWN

and oh my gunpowder and with emergency i must battle without her she is surely killing me

XVI. EVERY TEAR DISAPPEARS / ST. VINCENT

oh, the more that i struggle i'm deeper in the pit if i can show a hand then i can show a fist call the twenty-first century, tell her “give us a break”

XVII. FIREWORKS / MITSKI

one morning this sadness will fossilize and i will forget how to cry i'll keep going to work and you won't see a change save, perhaps, a slight gray in my eye

XVIII. UNICORN TOLERANCE / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

and when the clouds do clear away get a momentary chance to see the thing i've been trying to beat to death the soft creature that i used to be the better animal i used to be

XIX. GROW UP AND BLOW AWAY / METRIC

if this is the life why does it feel so good to die today? blue to gray grow up and blow away

XX. NUMB / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

i feel numb most of the time lower i get, the higher i'll climb and i will wonder why i got dark only to shine looking for the golden life oh, it's a reasonable sacrifice

XXI. AMERICAN DREAM / EMILY HAINES & THE SOFT SKELETON

grab your clothes and head to the doorway if you dance out, no one complains find the place where you can be boring where you won't need to explain that you're sick in the head, and you wish you were dead or at least instead of sleeping here you prefer your own bed, come on you just suck at self-preservation versus someone else's pain

XXII. WEAR BLACK / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

wear black when it's light outside wear black when there's no light wear black following the left hand path wear black but i get right

XXIII. SPAT OUT SPIT / LADY LAMB

was i born wild? have i been asleep this whole damn time, dreaming up a life? will i awake to find that I'm deep in the woods? and i'm snarling on all fours

XXIV. MEDULLA OBLONGATA / BUKE & GASE

since i left you with these broken fingers broken tongue broken ears from not listening false hopes and happiness in the barrel of my god

XXV. PARIS IS BURNING / ST. VINCENT

they say, “i’m on your side when nobody is, 'cause nobody is come sit right here and sleep while i slip poison in your ear”

XXVI. IN THE CRATERS ON THE MOON / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

if the strain proves too much give up right away if the light hurts your eyes stay in your room all day

XXVII. GETAWAY / MOTHER MOTHER

we gotta get away from it all we gotta get away from everything we've grown to know we gotta get gone like on a holiday, but for longer away from all the silly things that haunt us

XXVIII. YOUR FACE LEFT BEFORE YOU / BUKE & GASE

breaking down my brick wall brain nothing worse than everything to gain too bad it's not my turn you've got witches to burn

XXIX. FUNERAL PYRE / PHANTOGRAM

my funeral pyre my ship of fire as it sinks, i rise all i see is your eyes

XXX. HOLLY / SLEIGH BELLS

wasted all day killing all the capulets!

XXXI. GUILTY / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

oh i’m a guilty one, and know what i have done yeah, i'm a troubled one, and i won't be forgiven

XXXII. KILLER / PHOEBE BRIDGERS

can the killer in me tame the fire in you? is there nothing left to do for us? i am sick of the chase, but i'm hungry for blood and there's nothing i can do

XXXIII. TIPTOE / THE ANTLERS

[instrumental]

XXXIV. GOODBYE, MY DANISH SWEETHEART / MITSKI

now i lay as i study a blank wall would you spare me your voice if i call? ‘cause you waited and watered my heart till it grew you just grew a little smarter too

XXXV. HERMIT THE FROG / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

yeah i feel i’m watered down whenever he's around i put on the crown of clowns and melt slowly to the ground

XXXVI. LAST WORDS OF A SHOOTING STAR / MITSKI

you wouldn't leave till we loved in the morning you'd learned from movies how love ought to be and you'd say you love me and look in my eyes but i know through mine you were looking in yours

XXXVII. 9TH PAWN / OHO

i'm the 9th pawn of the chessboard take it apart, take it along, dark and light squares i'm the thirteenth labor of Hercules give it a try or give it up give it up to me

XXXVIII. HUMPTY / MITSKI

i'll live in the bathtub surrounded by tiles all so square and so steady i will die in their cool, cool arms

XXXIX. I FIRE MYSELF / MARY TIMONY

a demon lured me to his bed where i fell into a poison sleep i dreamed of a river of ants inside me and they were sad and started to bleed

XL. THE POINT OF IT ALL / AMANDA PALMER

“but no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my baby-doll and you're aces for coming along you're almost human, after all and you're learning that just 'cause they call themselves friends doesn't mean they'll call...” they made the comment in jest but you've got the needle i guess that's the point of it all

XLI. SQUARE / MITSKI

your room was square i once noticed from there in your bed, as you slept and i held my breath everything had its own place and i wondered; what space would i take, in the order you kept?

XLII. SAVIOR / ST VINCENT

adore you to the grave and farther honey, i can't be your martyr maybe it's just human nature but honey, i can't be your savior

XLIII. VALLEY OF THE DOLLS / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

in the valley of the dolls, we sleep got a hole inside of me living with identities that do not belong to me in my life, i got this far now i’m ready for the last hoorah dying like a shooting star in the valley

XLIV. STATUETTE / EMILY HAINES & THE SOFT SKELETON

with a feather in your cap another jewel in your crown another notch in your belt you’re the captain at the helm the statuette on your shelf says you’re better than me better than me

XLV. HAVE TO EXPLODE / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

the stage is set, someone's going to do something someone else will regret i speak in smoke signals and you answer in code the fuse will have to run out sometime something here will eventually have to explode, have to explode

XLVI. THE BOX SONG / AMANDA PALMER

and you were sure that you could keep it all off in a tower where there’d always be space and you were sure that if you read it all you would eventually come across your own name

XLVII. I DON’T SMOKE / MITSKI

if you need to be mean, be mean to me i can take it and put it inside of me if your hands need to break more than trinkets in your room you can lean on my arm as you break my heart

XLVIII. ICICLES / THE SCARY JOKES

but as for me, i can only be forgiven if im givin myself up to you on a silver serving tray must i bare myself to the stabbing of your knife and gnashing teeth, while our lovely company appears so entertained? ah yes, good etiquette demands i remain soft and accessible in the face of my own ending so i will try to be discreet; through my full-blown implosion, i’ll stay golden and retreat into my sweetest fantasy 

XLIX. CODES AND KEYS / DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

when you scream, “love you, see”,   like a child throwing stones at the sky when they fall back to earth as minor chords of major works separate rooms of single life we are one we are alive

L. WASHING MACHINE HEART / MITSKI

baby, though i've closed my eyes i know who you pretend i am i know who you pretend i am

LI. THE KILLING TYPE / AMANDA PALMER

i couldn't kill to get you back and i've officially been asked i couldn't kill to save a life i'd rather a die a peaceful piece of shit-bait shame-filled coward, thanks

LII. HAVE IT OUT / MOTHER MOTHER

i have it out, i have it out, with myself, with myself, i have it out it's gonna get ugly it's gonna get messy it's gonna be world war iii of myself

LIII. CATABOLIC SEED / THE SCARY JOKES

oh i made a silly mistake (what'd you do?) i've given up more than i can take (uh oh!) and left hollows in my wake my structure's compromised but you still batter at all my fault lines i can't run, i can't hide, but you can't say i didn't try

LIV. DOPPELGANGER / THE ANTLERS

and now's he howling, but i'm muted by the horror how he's everywhere and waiting now he's just around the corner

LV. LEFT ALONE / FIONA APPLE

and now i'm hard, too hard to know i don't cry when i'm sad anymore, no no tears calcify in my tummy, fears coincide with the tow how can i ask anyone to love me when all i do is beg to be left alone?

LVI. HEEL TURN 2 / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

spend too much of my life now trying to play fair throw my better self overboard shoot at him when he comes up for air come unhinged get revenge i don't want to die in here i don't want to die in here

LVII. NOT ABOUT LOVE / FIONA APPLE

conversation once colored by esteem became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood took a vacation, my palate got clean now i could taste your agenda while you're spitting your cud

LVIII. SEVENTEEN / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

oh, you were embarrassed of me 'cause i used my tongue freely bet you wish i couldn't speak 'cause when i do, you know i tell you why you appear weak

LIX. YOUR WOMAN / WHITE TOWN

now i know your heart, i know your mind, you don't even know you're being unkind, so much for all your high brow marxist ways, just use me up and then you walk away boy, you can't play me that way

LX. DEADBODY / MIYA FOLICK

i need you to know i'm not powerless my strength lies within my gentleness and i'm already hurt so now i don't have to hide and i hold all the heads of my brothers and my sisters high

LXI. YOUR DOG / SOCCER MOMMY

i'm not a prop for you to use when you're lonely or confused i want a love that lets me breathe i've been choking on your leash

LXII. RIPE / SCREAMING FEMALES

i built this game to play and to pretend you are a dark machine and i'm a cog when engines crack, when fuel lines break off i'll save your bits and let your motor rot

LXIII. WINDOW / FIONA APPLE

i was staring out the window the whole time he was talking to me it was a filthy pane of glass i couldn't get a clear view and as he went on and on it wasn't the outside world i could see just the filthy pane that i was looking through

LXIV. BLUE TRASH MATTRESS FIRE / SLEIGH BELLS

i'll do it, i'll jump not for kicks, not for fun but because this shit is too much it's fucking me up enough is enough, enough is enough!

LXV. BITE THE HAND / BOYGENIUS

who do you think you are? who do you think i am? what do you wanna say? what do you think will change? maybe i'm afraid of you maybe i'm afraid of you

LXVI. VENGEANCE / HOT SUGAR

[instrumental]

LXVII. EYES ON FIRE / BLUE FOUNDATION

i'm taking it slow feeding my flame shuffling the cards of your game and just in time, in the right place suddenly i will play my ace

LXVIII. NO CHILDREN / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

and i hope when you think of me years down the line you can't find one good thing to say and i'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out you'd stay the hell out of my way

LXIX. FUCK WAS I / JENNY OWEN YOUNGS

love grows in me like a tumor parasite bent on devouring its host i’m developing my sense of humor till i can laugh at my heart between your teeth till i can laugh at my face beneath your feet

LXX. SERPENTS / SHARON VAN ETTEN

serpents in my mind, i am searching for your crimes everything changes in time you'll stay frozen in time collaging girls, controlling minds you hold the mirror well to everybody else

LXXI. IF YOU FEEL BETTER / EMILY AUTUMN

if you feel better telling me i'm cruel saying i'm unfeeling i don't mind if it's necessary, if it helps you out crying that i'm heartless it's alright

LXXII. THE GOOD THAT WON’T COME OUT / RILO KILEY

i do this thing where i think i'm real sick but i won't go to the doctor to find out about it 'cause they make you stand real still in a real small place as they chartup your insides and put them on display they'd see all of it, all of me, all of it

LXXIII. THE BODY IS A BLADE / JAPANESE BREAKFAST

try your best to slowly withdraw from the darkest impulses of your heart try your best to feel and receive your body is blade that cuts a path from day to day

LXXIV. GET LONELY / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

and i will go downtown, stand in the shadows of the buildings and button up my coat, trying to stay strong, spirit willing and i will come back home, maybe call some friends maybe paint some pictures it all depends and i will get lonely, and gasp for air and look up at the high windows, and see your face up there

LXXV. MOTION SICKNESS / PHOEBE BRIDGERS

i hate you for what you did and i miss you like a little kid i faked it every time but that's alright i can hardly feel anything i hardly feel anything at all

LXXVI. EMPTY / METRIC

sickness was fixing me some coughed out my heart in the last stall now that the damage is done i never miss it at all

LXXVII. TINDER / ORIGAMIBRO

[instrumental]

LXXVIII. REMEMBER MY NAME / MITSKI

'cause i need somebody to remember my name after all that i can do for them is done i need someone to remember me

LXXIX. THE EXECUTION OF ALL THINGS / RILO KILEY

soldiers come quickly, i feel the earth beneath my feet i'm feeling badly, but it's not an attempt at decency and if you're well off, well then i'm happy some for you but i'd rather not celebrate my defeat and humiliation here with you

LXXX. THE THUNDER ANSWERED BACK / Ó

i screamed out, “how'd it get this bad?” and the thunder answered back “if you know not what you lack then you must unturn your back your inside is overcast and you are tethered to your past and it must feel like fucking hell to be a patchwork of yourself a bunch of scraps thrown and sewn around your bones and though you're alone it's holding you too tightly but who are you? from where do you come? what do you believe in? and whom do you love?"

LXXXI. DIE HAPPY / METRIC

this city is thick with common thieves still passing around the same disease who's running this town and why are we? still drinking that kool-aid like it's free

LXXXII. ALL MY PRIDE / BLACK HONEY

all my scars will heal in time now he's gone with all my pride everybody's saying what i need to do but i haven't got a thing to prove, prove to you

LXXXIII. HEADS WILL ROLL / YEAH YEAH YEAHS

glitter on the west streets silver over everything the rivers all wet you're all chrome

LXXXIV. ART OF DOUBT / METRIC

you said "don't let your heart give out" no, i won't let my heart give out you said "don't let your breath run out" no, i won't let my breath run out

LXXXV. BLACK EYE/BURNT THUMB / METRONOMY

[instrumental]

LXXXVI. KLAPP KLAPP / LITTLE DRAGON

somebody from my heart sang i could turn off and never wake up and everything's clear, my breath made like-steam fake feel better fallin' apart, apart, apart, apart, apart

LXXXVII. VANISHING ACT / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

[instrumental]

LXXXVIII. AUBERGINE / LADY LAMB

i was unborn when i was younger i was unborn when i was younger but i was rebuilt when you spoke i awoke when you spoke

LXXXIX. PSYCHIC READER / BAD BAD HATS

when i look at you, i get a good vibration stay on the line until i hit your station i was meant for you so i can be patient, yeah

XC. BETS AGAINST THE VOID / THE SCARY JOKES

the sun is just a copper coin i flip in bets against the void imitating choice 'til i feel good again, i'll keep them in a tin can then i'll have copper coins to spare

XCI. GIRL / THE INTERNET

passion burning, causing rapture of laughter pressure building, falling faster and faster if i told you that you rock my world, i want you around me would you let me call you my girl? (my girlfriend, my girlfriend) i can give you the life you deserve, just say the word and i got you, baby i got you

XCII. BUZZCUT SEASON / LORDE

i remember when your head caught flame it kissed your scalp and caressed your brain well you laughed, baby it's okay it's buzz cut season anyway

XCIII. GEYSER / MITSKI

you're my number one you're the one i want and i've turned down every hand that has beckoned me to come

XCIV. A KISS / THE BLOW

those dances that I did, they really weren't all that fun to do i only did them 'cause they were the only ones i knew they called me player, i just played who i thought i should be i'd still be her if you hadn't come and interrupted me from the kiss

XCV. CRANE YOUR NECK / LADY LAMB

and i placed my palm upon your collarbone and i wished to fall asleep deep in your marrow as gently as a mouse curled up in a ball as gently as a mouse until tomorrow

XCVI. DANCE YRSELF CLEAN (COVER) / MS MR

walking up to me expecting walking up to me expecting words, it happens all the time present company accepted present company, except the worst it happens every night

XCVII. SOFT SOUNDS FROM ANOTHER PLANET / JAPANESE BREAKFAST

in search of a soft sound from another planet in search of a quiet place to lay this to rest striving for goodness while the cruel men win there's no part of me left that can feel or hear it

XCVIII. A BETTER SON/DAUGHTER / RILO KILEY

and sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on and your friends, they sing along and they love you but the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap and it teases you for weeks in its absence but you'll fight and you'll make it through, you'll fake it if you have to and you'll show up for work with a smile and you'll be better and you'll be smarter and more grown up and a better daughter or son, and a real good friend

XCIX. TRAUMA / HOT SUGAR

[instrumental]

C. WOKE UP NEW / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

the first time i made coffee for just myself, i made too much of it but i drank it all, just 'cause you hate it when i let things go to waste and i wandered through the house like a little boy, lost at the mall and an astronaut could've seen the hunger in my eyes from space

[wallas-dinston]

Hello! So this is another excerpt from the fanfic I wrote a while ago. For context, the POV is from Sunshine Curtis, middle child of the Curtis siblings, who had a relationship with Johnny Cade. This is the end of the story as she is working through her emotions. Please let me know if you like it!

I passed Darry as he walked through the door, stepping outside for fresh air. The sun was setting. The intricate swirls of orange and pink seemed to set a golden blanket across the town. It was beautiful. I wished I could stay that way forever. I cried silently, until Pony saw me and stopped me. He sat down next to me silently, but had an expectant look on his face. I didn't know how to put how I was feeling into words. It was almost too much for me alone.

“It's over. They're gone. But I can't stop fighting it! I'm tired. I'm tired of letting all the emotions overtake me. But I don't know how to stop. I can never just stop. I always have to push everything.” I wailed. I was frustrated and desperate and dejected. Pony grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes, calming me.

“Sunshine Curtis, It is not over. Things will get better in the end. If they aren't better, it isn't the end. Don't beat yourself up. They wouldn't want to see you like that. Now smile. You look better that way.” I grinned at him and wiped my eyes. He was right. Things would change, and things will crush me and burn me and bring me down, but I had to fight through it. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. And I might not be able to see it right now, there might be fog hindering the glow, but the storm will calm and I would make it there. I hugged him strongly, smiling.

“Thank you.” I whispered, walking away. I stepped back inside of the house, reaching my bedroom. I put on the jacket, Johnny’s jacket, and began to exit the house. I knew where I was headed. I walked down the sidewalk, remembering Johnny, his smile, the auburn strands that mixed in with his hair, the way he smelled like earth after rain. His face glinting in the moonlight, the way his eyes sparked when he looked at me. I remembered the feeling I got every time I talked to him, the way his arms felt along my shoulders, the feeling of the grass tickling our feet as we danced under the stars. I remembered the faint golden freckles that dotted his face. I passed the house he cursed and cared for, the house that trapped him, and formed him into who he was. I passed Bucks house, the temporary home of Dallas Winston, a role model, a hoodlum, a friend. A breeze blew past me, circling me. The wind whispered in my ear, filling my head with the sound of Johnny’s laugh, Dally’s quick remarks. Even the officers would miss seeing Dallas. He weaved his way into your life, making it interesting. I walked by the Nightly-Double, feeling the soft denim of Johnny’s jean jacket lying upon my shoulders, the warmth of Johnny’s loving and cute remarks. The gum wrapper notes I stuck in his pocket. I recalled the sound our shoes made as we raced down the pavement, and the way you could hear the smile in his voice when he was happy. That was the way I would remember Johnny, because I was the only one that could get him to open up and talk. Other people would remember him as I saw him in the hospital, as timid, skittish and weak. They would see a puppy that had been kicked too many times. But he was so much more than that. I wanted to remember the side of him that was almost exclusively saved for me. The one that laughed wildly, and was sweet and kind. I passed the empty lot, where our friendship had begun so many years ago.

Me and Darry walked onto the gravel strewn grass of the empty lot. We used it as a shortcut to get home from school sometimes. I passed through the area, noticing a kid, he looked around my age, five, and he was badly injured. I took Darry’s hand, who was responsible for walking me home, and lead him over to the boy. He was slumped up against a tree, with a black eye and multiple other bruises on his body.

“Are you okay?” I asked sympathetically. He looked up at me with large puppy dog eyes, tears lining them. He shook his head no, and I rushed over to him. I looked up at Darry expectantly.

“Im Sunshine. What's your name?” I asked lightheartedly.

“Johnny Cade.” He mumbled.

“Johnnycakes? That's a funny name. I have brothers with funny names too. Sodapop and Ponyboy.” I laughed. He laughed too.

“No. Johnny CADE.” He pronounced. I flushed red from my error. Darry looked concerned, and he was pondering something.

“Maybe you should come home with us. My parents can fix you up.” Darry offered. Johnny looked hesitant, but accepted the offer. He smiled at me and I smiled back as we started down the road towards my house, also known as the Curtis’s.

I smiled from the memory. I looked up from the ground and realized I had reached my final destination. I sat down on the swings we had shared so many talks on. We stated our worries to each other, and always left laughing. The sunset was the richest I had ever seen it, the colors popping from the sky. It felt like Johnny was sending a message, saying hello. A single tear rolled down my cheek, as I held myself. I looked up at the sky, watching the clouds swirl and mix. My heart flooded, and I saw him and all he was in that sunset.

“I love you too, Johnny Cade.” I whispered to the sky, the breeze carrying my words away and through the town, down the roads I knew so well. And as soon as they were spoken they had disappeared, taken away and gone with the wind.

When I was younger I would always try to escape the world; close my eyes and create a dream world, a fantasy. I was caught up in my bedtime stories. Nobody was ever hurt. Nobody left you. It was unrealistic, but I didn't mind. Life was simpler. The whole world seemed to be one block wide and our problems were so small. Goodbye only meant, ‘See you tomorrow!’ And we lived our lives without a worry in the world. I grew up with dirt on my knees and cuts on my elbows. We thought we were cool, smoking and sitting on the curb, trying our best to act tuff. We were full of youthful vigor. We felt invincible. And I liked it that way. It was blissful inside my ignorant mind. I felt so sure of myself. And I never wanted to grow up anyhow. I was sacred to.

Well, I’ve made it to ‘older’ and I understand. Life is unfair, and it hurts you, but you have to take the good with the bad. I have lost people, but gained so many things. Friends, knowledge, a better understanding of who I am. Life is one big lesson, one big chance to learn and grow. But sometimes it catches up to you. Time is less expendable than it is thought to be. I know the real meaning of tough now, too. Dallas strived to reach it his whole life, but he was far off. He was looking in all the wrong places. Being tough was living through hard things and not letting it break you, but letting it make you stronger. Dally broke. He had lost. But I hadnt, and I never would. I used to be scared of the dark and the things that lurked in it, but now I find comfort in the night. It reminds me of the people I lost along the way, and the stars of how they lit up my life. Johnny still lives in the quiet black, and the wild and free things of the night bring Dally along with them. My parents live within the love and wonder of the cool air. And they aren't really gone, they never will be. Their words formed me into the person I am today, and continue to shape me and affect me. I don't force things anymore. Whatever happens happens. Deep down I am still a child, but I know more now.

A sudden feeling of closure overtook me, and I knew it would all be okay. My whole being felt lighter as I stood up from the swingset, taking one last look at the sky before heading on my way. I was ready. Not to move on, but to move forward. I knew I would never move on. Nobody would. But that was alright. I walked back through the town, retracing my steps. I kicked stones on the sidewalk, smiling to myself when I spotted the dandelion growing from a small crack in the pavement. I bent down and snapped the stem, picking up the flower gently. The oncoming fall had turned the once yellow petals to small puffy skeletons of their former beauty. My mom used to laugh when I picked them. “They are weeds, Sunshine.” She would say. And I would always reply, “Beautiful weeds.” I suppose that some saw a weed while others saw a wish. I took a moment to blow on the fragile flower, my conscience speaking a small wish as I did. I disregarded the green twig from my now sticky fingers and continued walking again. The emotion I was feeling was so oddly unexplainable. It was almost . . . light orange. I passed my house as well as the Shepard household, where the grass doesn't seem to grow. I passed the small drugstore in the center, and the DX gas station. I walked and walked, dreaming the whole way, until the road seemed to slowly get smoother and the houses larger. Reading the street signs carefully, I realized how even they sounded more extravagant. Seminole Street, Birmingham Ave, Grand View, Fostoria Street. I had to catch my mind from drifting off again, making sure I didn't miss the one I was looking out for. I turned onto the street once I found it and read all the house numbers. 367, 398, 405, 426. And then I was there. 431 Cedar Street. I knocked on the door, which after a moment slowly opened to reveal a familiar face. A pair of green eyes greeted me.

“Hey.” I smiled. “Are you still up for that movie?”

[axelsagewrites]

Raphael Santiago*Costume Party

I got this rrequest a while ago but didn't have time to do it.i didn't want to leave it unwritten so, first if all sorry to whoever requested it (they’re anonymous) and secondly this was meant to be a Halloween imagine but its just a costume party now. sorry.

Also I decided to make the reader a Herondale because...I felt like it.

Hope you enjoy!

Raphael X Herondale!Reader

Requested by anonymous:

can i request a raphael santiago/shadowhunter!reader? it's halloween n magnus throw a party, reader is invited n come as little red riding hood. she met raphael there n there is sassiness involved. afterward, reader went patrolling still in her custome, got ambushed by a bunch of rogue vampires who want to drink shadowhunter blood n raphael help her out n by helping i mean 'i just happen to be around n im not stalking u n stop calling me broody'. pls do this. thanks.

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

Magnus Bane was a party person and didn’t care what time of year it was; he was going to throw a damn party! It wasn’t surprising when Magnus sent you an invitation to his party, you were one of the few shadowhunters he invited, but what did throw you off was that it was a costume party. You had known Magnus for over 3 years so knew not to question it anymore. That’s how you ended up dressing up as little red riding hood, walking to Magnus’s flat with people giving you questioning looks. I mean who says you can only dress up in October? Why not now?

(Y/N)’S POV

I press the buzzer to Magnus’s flat and wait for the familiar buzz to let me in. however, a Magnus' voice booms out. “Who dares disturbed the high warlock of Brooklyn?!” Pressing the button I answer “You invited me, idiot.” There was a pause. “(Y/N)?” “Yup.” The door buzzed. I rolled my eyes and went inside. Once I was outside his apartment door I just opened it. He knew I was here anyway. Looking around I saw the loft was empty of people bar those setting the event up. The barman was just setting out the stools. In the middle of the room stood Magnus and a deathly pale latino boy. I raise an eyebrow at Magnus when he turned to me. “I forgot to tell you,” he began, walking closer. “parties a little behind. Won't start for another 20 minutes.” I roll my eyes. I fling myself onto his couch and place my feet on his coffee table. “Ok.” “Make yourself at home,” Magnus said in a flat voice. I grinned at him. “Always do.” Craning my neck I look at the boy, vampire, who was still standing there. “Who are you?” “None of your business.” He spoke coldly and walked over to Magnus. He began to speak quietly so I activated my hearing rune on my forearm. The vampire stopped talking and his face hardened. “Whats the point,” he began to whisper. “of trying to have a private conversation when a shadowhunters around.” “Dunno,” I said, checking my nails. “Yoy tell me?” This time he faced me as he spoke. “Since when did shadowhunters patrol parties and listen in on conversations?” “Since you didn’t tell me your name.” He glowered slightly. “Raphael. Raphael Santiago.” He walked closer to me. “And you are?” I stood and faced him. I smirked and held my hand out to him. “(Y/N). (Y/N) Herondale. Nice to meet you.” Raphael's expression didn’t change as he shook my hand. His skin was cold to the touch just like his gaze. My smirk didn’t falter though. “Tell me, do you go home through the bat flap? I'm dying to know the answer.” “Really (Y/N)?” Magnus questioned as he placed his hand on my shoulder. “Why must you be like this?” “What?” I question, smirk ghosting my lips. “Fabulous? Brilliant? Amazing? Geni-“ “Estúpido?” Raphael suggested. Now I glared. “Perra por favour{Bitch please}. I'm a blessing.” I turn to Magnus. “Back me up,” Magnus smirked and began to walk away, whistling. “Magnus!” I call. “Hey!” I chase after him as he retreats to the kitchen. “I am a blessing.” I and Magnus ended up talking for about 10 minutes in the kitchen before I heard the first person knock on the door. “C’mon,” I said as I slipped off the stool and went into the living room. However, I saw Raphael opening the door to a bunch of vampires. “Didn’t know you lived here?” I call over to him. “You don’t know a lot though,” Raphael smirked walking over. “But no I don’t live with Magnus.” “Never again.” Magnus shudder. I raised an eyebrow at the warlock. “Do you remember that time you met Ragnor? The green one?” I nodded. Thinking back to the man I liked to call green cabbage after a story Magnus told me. He was waaaay to serious. “He’s the perfect match for him. Only more snarky.” “I do my best.” Raphael grinned. “But not good enough,” I turned to Raphael as Magnus went to open the door to more downworlders. “Trust me; I’m the snarkiest and sassiest person you have the delight of the meeting.” “You sure about that?” I nod and cross my arms. “We’ll see.” “Yes, we will. Mr broody.” Raphael rolled his eyes and walked away. We went our separate ways but bumped into each other throughout the night. Many comments were made. Just a few examples are: Play dead Don’t you have some shadow puppets to chase? Fangs very much I ignored you fine the first time Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my lack of care Everyone has the right to be stupid but you're abusing the privilege I wish to make your acquaintance with my fist Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? That last one stung a bit. My mother had been seriously injured in battle a week ago and may not make it. I had already lost my dad before I was born. My mother was moved to the New York Institute while she was pregnant with me so the Lightwoods were ‘in charge’ of me at the moment. I held back the tears and rolled my eyes. I pushed past him and left. I didn’t notice the vampires following me till it was too late. As I began to take the shortcut through an alley a cold icy hand grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Well well, look what we have here? Little red riding hood.” The man grinned. His sandy blonde hair was matted and dirty. The vampires behind him didn’t seem in better shape. A dark-haired girl stood with what I can only assume to be a blood stain on her dress. The other 2 men were noticeably dishevelled. “Get off me.” I spat, ripping my arm back. The vampires hissed. “I always wanted to try angel blood.” The girl hissed at me. I only had a dagger on me so I did what I could. I broke his nose with one punch. After I heard the crack I said. “I'm no angel.” through gritted teeth. The vampires glared and charged me. The girl launched herself at me so I flipped her over my shoulder. I didn’t have time to think before the sandy-haired one was trying to claw my eyes out. I grabbed his wrists and twisted them until he had to go to the ground. However, the other 2 men pushed my shoulders down, knocking me to the floor. I tried to get up but the girl was still on the ground and grabbed my ankles, pulling my feet out from under me. I scrapped my face, hands, knees and pretty much all exposed flesh within the next few minutes as I wrestled them on the ground. Somehow I ended up with the girl sitting on my stomach, hands on my neck. The sandy-haired vamp was holding my kicking feet down and the last two kneeled on each arm. I spat at the vampire on me who just grinned. “How sweet you��ll be.” She whispered, lowering her mouth closer to my neck. “Leave some for us Kenzie.” One of the vampires kneeling on my arms said. However, a new voice joined in. “Or just leave her.” The vampires looked towards the end of the alley. I couldn’t see who it was but I recognised the voice. The one who I had been firing insults and sassy comments at all night; Raphael. “You always ruin the fun.” Kenzie pouted. “But we're not with you anymore. We’re our own clan.” “You still answer to the clave,” Raphael spoke calmly. Kenzie leaned up and glared at him. “Not if they don’t find out.” She turned back to me but Raphael spoke again. “Don’t you think they will be concerned when one of their own goes missing. She’s a Herondale, the inquisitors family. I'm sure she won't be happy to find out what you did. It will affect all us night children. You know what they do to us?” He questioned. They shook their heads and one of the ones kneeling on my arm looked scared. “They torture us with the sun. they burn us apart limb by limb until you try and yell out for God and the name chokes you to death. You will last 5 minutes. They’ll make sure. They want you to suffer. Especially if you touch her.” This shocked one of them so much that he stood and walked a few steps away. Now my right arm was free but was numb so I didn’t even try to move it. “Get back here Damien.” Kenzie hissed. “Don’t tell them my name!” He angrily proclaimed. “This was your idea!” They began arguing among themselves long enough for me to manage to move my arm. In slowly brought my hand to my crystal necklace. Only it wasn’t crystal but witchlight. It wouldn’t kill them but would blind them for a few seconds and burn slightly. “Raph, duck!” I yelled before wrapping my hand around the witchlight. He did just as the bright light shot from the witch light. The vampires hissed, apart from Raphael. Due to the shock, I was able to shove Kenzie off me and yanked away from the other vamps to stand. I held the witchlight towards them as I backed away. My foot hit someone. Raphael. I looked down to see him crouched hissing though slightly. I dropped the necklace and grabbed his arm. He stood slowly. “You ok?” I asked quickly. He nodded. Looking at the vampires they were all covering their eyes and writing slightly. “I forgot about witchlight.” Kenzie spat though her eyes were still closed. I quickly grabbed my phone and took a picture of them just as the first one stood again. Though once he faced us we were already gone. Raphael had picked me up and used his vampire speed to get us away. We eventually stopped and I looked around to notice we were near the institute. “Thank you,” I said quietly. “But how did you find me?” “I wasn’t stalking you if that’s what you mean.” I raise an eyebrow. “I wasn’t,” he sighed. “I was going home when I heard the scuffle.” “Sure” I dragged out my words to annoy him. I succeeded. He rolled his eyes. “Quit being so broody. Not everything sucks.” “Stop calling me broody-“ “Stop being broody then!” I exclaimed. He shook his head though I swear I saw the corner of his lips twitch up.  “Goodbye Raph, and-“ “Raph?” He was the one to raise an eyebrow this time. I smiled slightly. “It suits you. And thank you for your help. Otherwise, I don’t know how it would have ended.” I began to walk away and he stood still. “I'm sorry if I crossed a line tonight,” He called. I threw a glance over my shoulder. “it wasn’t my intention.” “Whatever!” I called and walked away. I might have been swaying my hips more than usual. “Whats done is done!” I could hear his chuckle as I neared the Institute doors. I got a few looks as I walked in the institutes. Some questioning, some staring at the skin I was showing and some at the bruises and scraps upon the said skin. “What happened to you?” Izzy and Alec asked me at the same time. Though Alec had a frown on his face, most likely due to the injuries, and Izzy most likely due to the smile that ghosted my lips. “Just some vampires. Nothing I cant handle.” “How many?” Alec asked as I grabbed my phone. I unlocked it and brought up the picture. “4, these 4 to be specific.” I handed Alec my phone. “You took on 4 vampires with just a dagger and witch light?” Izzy questioned, crossing her arms. I smiled slightly. “I might have had some help.” I walked away, ignoring the looks I got and went to clean up. After I put some healing runes on, cleaned up and changed I sat on my bed. The word Raph was still sticky sweetly to my tongue. “Raph” I mouthed the words. Let's just say I took all the hotel dumort missions I could get.

[waitinginthedarke]

He’ll be wrong, for you.

A BTS/Kim Taehyung Fanfiction Summary : What happens when you take on Kim Taehyung…  Type: Mafia!AU (BTS)

********************Prologue*********************

Chapter 1

5 Months ago

‘I told you to go careful around him! If you would have heeded my warning you would have avoided this-‘

‘I got myself out didn’t I? Stop acting as if I caused an inconvenience! He was the one who called the police! …besides, we still need to work out how to get the diamonds from him.’ You snap at Kyuho, agitatedly throwing your jacket onto the large table that separated the two of you in the gang’s den before instantly beginning to pace, ignoring the cries of your feet that had procured blisters after having to run the 10 mile police chase you’d just been put through curtesy of your new enemy; Kim Taehyung. Kyuho’s beady little eyes stuck to you like pinpricks as you forced your mind back to 30 minutes earlier; to the moment Taehyung had dropped on you that he’d been one step ahead of you the whole time.

How? How had he known?

Had you been too obvious? Should you not have leant into him so much? …what if-

‘Y/N!? Are you even listening to me anymore?’ Kyuho snaps at you, his anger barely bringing you out of your reverie as you sigh and begin to walk toward the door that would take you to your apartment within the complex.

‘I think I need a bath…’

The water threatening your lungs as you sunk beneath its surface, was strangely peaceful to your over-crowded brain, the sensation offering a sense of reprieve from the thoughts crashing around inside your head; thoughts all trained in one direction.

Kim Taehyung.

If you were above the water you’d be able to distract yourself with the scents of camomile and lavender that had broken free from the bath bomb you’d used. But instead, with no way to smell anything, your lungs as they slowly began to burn from lack of oxygen, conjured the memory of that dark, intoxicating scent of his, the one you’d been caught in for barely a second, before he’d played you.

Damnit, y/n! Think of something else! Think of guns, or that karate move you used on the new trainee the other day, or puppies, or-

He kind of looked like a puppy…

Water cascades over the sides of the tub as you force your free from its surface, gasping in an angry breath at yourself as you steady your body, staring at your legs through the distorted vision of the water, and pushing yourself up to get out, when the sight simply makes you more angry- conjuring images of them being intertwined with his.

Why the HELL were you having these thoughts?! What was wrong with you? He was just a guy! A bad one at that-

Its as you’re wrapping your robe around yourself and walking through to your bedroom that your thoughts bypass the oppressive negation of the man, to reveal some suggestions as to his relevance as he crawled beneath your skin.

Was it his calm? Was it the way he’d taken an interest in you; the way he’d challenged you with his attention; joined in with your game?

Maybe it was how quiet he’d been; yet how loud the humour was that had glowed from his eyes. Or the way he’d appeared to command the entire room, but had allowed you to think for a moment that you did with the way he’d renounced all eyes to you.

He’d wanted to play your game…

‘Fuck.’

The whispered word slips from your lips as you drop down onto the end of your bed, your exhausted mental state causing you to hang your head momentarily as your body acknowledges the effort you’d put into that evening. Within a few minutes you were falling slowly to the side and curling up on the foot of the mattress, but even as your eyes slide closed, one thought, or rather, one man, continued to haunt your mind.

Kim Taehyung.

Running helped you clear your mind; on the treadmill, in the park,…away from enemies…

Running was the one place you felt most in control, the one thing that you were the best at; that you could beat all others in.

But that morning was different.

When you woke up at 5am each morning, it was with the anticipation of the run, the anticipation of being able to escape by yourself; to push your bodies limits, and to immerse yourself in the wind that would lash at your face and the burn of your legs as your feet pounded the ground.

However, that morning, as you approached the track along the river’s edge which ran near the gang’s complex, all you could see was the shadows dancing in the water under the gleam of the barely there morning light, and the winding curves of the track that anticipated their chance to challenge and trip you up.

Each mile you ticked off became a burden on your limbs and your mind, and you end up cursing at yourself when you stumble to a stop on the cusp of mile 6, unable to keep pounding away at the track with the dizziness being instilled in your mind. You knew you had to get your act together before the start of the day today- since, you had around 3 tasks to write off for Kyuho, and pretty much all of them involved a LOT of focus- but in that moment all you can do is sit on the edge of the path and take a few moments to watch the sun pull its way over the horizon.

Its as you’re casting your eyes over the expensive homes and apartment blocks that sat along the other edge of the water, that you catch sight of something you instantly believe you were imagining.

A-top one of the roof’s toward the south end of the line of buildings you were staring at, was the figure of a man, the glow from the sun forcing him to be cast as a silhouette. However, after spending the night obsessing over a certain face that had been the centre of your attention, there was no way you were going to mistake the jawline that was directed out toward the view.

‘Son of a-‘ you go to say, standing up in your astonishment, your body leaning toward the target of your attention, but you’re quick to remember the water that ran 10ft below your feet, your mind instantly calculating routes that would take you toward the figure fastest. Its just as you’re about to move that you watch his head turn in what could only be your direction, and the image  of that same smirk that he’d gifted you with the night before (no matter how indecipherable it was from that distance), has you raging instantly, just as your phone begins to ring.

‘What is it? I was running-‘ you answer instinctively, assuming it was Kyuho who was calling you. However, you should have been paying more attention to the figure on the roof, who’d lifted his own mobile device to his ear seconds earlier…

…maybe then you would have been one step ahead of him.

‘Actually, I believe you’ve been staring at me for the past 5 minutes, sweetheart. But im sure you already know that.’

His voice sends chills running through your body immediately, the goosebumps that raise across your flesh despite the warmth of your body brought on from your run feeling like pinpricks that narrow your attention back to the man on the roof who was indisputably staring at you in that moment.

‘Your silence is amusing, Y/N. Tell me, how did you end last night? Was it as enjoyable as I assume?’

‘Actually, other than a small cat and mouse chase, It was rather uneventful.’ You snap back, bristling with pride at your ability to gift his sarcasm back to him so quickly, the small smirk that had grown on your lips going unnoticed by yourself as you stare at him stood up on the rooftop, the expanse of the river seemingly non-existent in that moment.

‘Ahh…is that so? …In that case, it would appear there’s more to you than meets the eye.’ He growls from the other end of the line, his silhouette on the rooftop beginning to pace a little, and you become mildly entranced by the way the sun cuts his jawline so sharply, before what he’d said registers in your mind and you feel a small frown building on your forehead.

‘Are you saying you underestimated me? …Clearly you should do more research. People may describe you as the big dog around here-‘

‘Do they?’ he asks, the amusement in his voice having your teeth gritting together, and the rush of blood in your ears quelling as you continue on as if he hadn’t spoken.

‘…Big dogs always have a weakness, Mr Kim.’

‘Are you calling yourself my weakness, sweetheart?’

You hadn’t expected the response; the words spoken so point-blankly that you’re stunned into silence for a few moments as your brain goes down a path that, in your dreams the previous night, had led to you waking up with a thin layer of sweat encompassing your limbs. Its only once you hear his small chuckle on the other end of the phone, obviously from your moment of stasis, that you quickly respond- anger now fully fledged in your veins.

‘If that’s how you want to think of me, Mr Kim, then be my guest. But im afraid that would be a rather foolish mistake on your behalf.’

Turning your back on the water, its just as you go to hang up and begin the run back to the compound, that his unsettling answer echoes down the phone, forcing you to pause and look behind you once more-

‘I’d rather see it as a challenge, Y/N. …I do so love a challenge.

-only to observe the fully risen sun, shining down on an empty rooftop.

‘Okay, remember what we discussed; you go with the plan; don’t stray from the steps we laid out…okay? …y/n? Y/N!?’

‘Yeah, sure, whatever you say.’ You mumble inconspicuously to yourself as you sit in the corner booth of the club you found yourself in that evening, completing your final task for the day; seducing a middle-aged fraudster and retrieving the money Kyuho had lost in a gamble with him, in which he’d suspiciously lost 10 million dollars.

‘Y/N, I mean it! I don’t want a repeat of last night.’ The man himself hisses in your ear, the way he brings up the previous evening’s antics causing your hand to fist on the stem of your wine glass, and you’re milliseconds from fracturing it, when the target of your attention for the evening walks through the door.

‘He’s here.’ Is all you say in response, before you assume a nonchalant position in the booth; legs crossed so that the hem of your dress rides up your thigh slightly, elbows leant on the table and your cheek propped in your hand, an innocently bored expression on your face as you swirl the wine around your glass.

‘Okay, give it 10 minutes and if he hasn’t approached-‘

‘I’ll turn you off if you don’t stop repeating things I already know.’ You warn Kyuho through tight lips, watching the movements of the guy in the reflection of your wine glass and restraining the urge to smirk when you see him recline into a booth diagonally to your own,  observing the stare he fixes on you.

‘You’re lucky you’re my best man. Otherwise I’d sanction you for that mouth.’ Your boss snipes in your ear, making your lip curl in amusement as you take a moment to think about the large margin of room every newbie he’d hired for the past year had given you when they’d seen you at the complex, the response only working to inflate your ego more and more as time had gone on.

‘I’m a woman, Kyuho. Never forget that.’ You mutter back in response, dragging in a deep breath and fixing an even more put out expression on your face as you take a sip of wine before continuing to pout at your glass.

You bite back your satisfied smile when you catch site of your target standing from his table and beginning to approach you a little while later, forcing yourself to remain unmoving and just as moody as you had been, before acting innocently surprised when his black slacks appear beside you.

‘Excuse me, I couldn’t help but see how lonely you appeared over here by yourself…may I join you?’

An hour later and you were beginning to grow weary of the way this guy was leering all over you; continuing to comment on how fragile and defenseless you seemed, and how he could ‘protect you’ should you wish it. The number of times you came close to socking him in the face should have earned you a medal for your restraint, yet by the time you’d convinced him to return to your ‘house’ with you- rather than his- you were more than happy to lead him out the front door of the bar and down the back alley that was coalesced in shadows.

The feeling of unease that ran up your back should have clued you in to his presence.

‘Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have me drive you, beautiful?’ the sleezeball asks you, the slight hint of nervousness in his tone making you smirk as you continue to lead him deeper down the black street, hand clasped firmly around his making escape impossible for him.

‘Beautiful, I really think we should take the car-‘ he continues to urge you, pulling at your arm this time, and you cant help but roll your eyes at his menial sense of worry, catching sight of a perfect corner of the alley where you’d be out of sight of prying eyes, and continuing to guide him toward it as he proceeds to up his protests.

‘Honestly, I think we should turn back, Beautiful.’

‘Beautiful, I really think you’ve taken a wrong turn. Do you even know where we are-‘

Before you can even give him a chance to realize his mistake, you’re dropping the innocent façade and turning on him, whipping around and slamming your hand to his throat, just tight enough to restrict his airflow, and cause him to panic, the expression on his face causing the amusement to rise within you as you stare up at the man, allowing him to see the truth behind the lonely mask you’d been wearing all evening; to see the potential for murder in your expression...

‘Have you never heard the phrase, don’t play with your food, Sweetheart?’

The second it takes for you to register that the words hadn’t come from the mouth of the man before you, opens up an opportunity for the guy before you to attempt to disarm and maim you; an action that could only receive one response.

‘FUCK.’

‘If that’s what you want, sweetheart, you simply have to ask nicely.’

The sentence forces a growl from between your teeth, and, forcing yourself to look away from the snapped neck of the asshole that now lay dead at your feet, you turn to meet the cocky gaze of the man who’d haunted your every thought since the moment you first laid eyes on him.

‘Hello, Y/N. …I see you’ve been having a… productive …evening.’

Kim Taehyung.

Present Day

‘Y/N…y/n, sweetheart…wake up.’

Pushing down the instinctive urge to snap groggily at him as you hear the soft, caring tone of his voice- quite unlike the one all that time ago, the second you open your eyes, you’re quick to heed his advice; shuffling upright and instantly apologizing to him when you accidentally cause the hand cuffs on his end of the chain to bite into his wrists with the action.

The set up had changed from the day before; Taehyung and your sheepish attempt at testing the limits of your captors ending in you being put into separate cells with thick bars to keep you apart, with one chain holding you both in place; that chain connecting you to one another via your handcuffs.

‘Its almost dinner. They should be in soon,…remember-‘

‘I know, Tae; look for weakpoints; look for…’ you cut your automatic response off with a yawn, frowning at how tired you felt and trying to shake the sleep weighing down your body, knowing it was only brought on by the lack of nutrients your body was taking in compared to your usual high protein diet.

‘Y/N…are you-‘

‘I’m fine, Tae.’ You quickly stop him, finally turning your head to look behind yourself through the bars that you’d been leant against, instinctively smiling softly when you see his innocent, and concerned, expression staring back at you, where he’d presumably been watching you whilst you slept to check that no harm came your way. The small curl of his lips that answers your expression instantly has your chest feeling lighter and your brain functioning easier, the subtle look of adoration that had been missing from him as of late, reassuring you that you were both still on the same page.

‘Do you want to know what I was just dreaming about?’ you murmur after shuffling to lean back against the bars once more, this time facing him so that your cheeks were squished against the cold metal, but the act made him smirk at your playfulness nonetheless, and so you know it was worth it.

‘Did it involve me?’ he asks jokingly, curling his lip in that way of his that simultaneously made him look like the prince charming of the story as well as the villain; his eyes peering out at you from beneath his brows causing your body to roll with tremors.

‘Of course it did.’ You smirk, biting your lip for effect, and giggling when he pushes himself onto his knees so that he could crawl closer to you, the thick double bars keeping you apart annoying you, but you continue to grin at him as he comes to a stop across from you, assuming the same ‘face between the bars’ position that you’d adopted and smirking right back at you, completely forgetting about the potential for company to arrive and giving you the entirety of his attention.

‘Tell me more.’

(T.B.C)

[ohgoddard]

Fist of Fire.2.20. The End pt.2

Emesh, in his Golden Boy body in which he now resides mentally, halts in his waltz around the cavern.  The monster floating in the ring lets out a low rumbling noise, akin to that of a whale song. Emesh does a heel turn to face Jade and charges her. He grabs her by the collar and hoists her in the air, putting his face mere inches from her own.

“WHO?! WHO COULD BE HERE?!” Spit flew from his mouth, dotting Jade’s face. For her part, she weakly smiled, then spit back at him. He recoiled, yelling in pain and dropping her in her restraints. His hands flew to his face, clutching as smoke rose from where she spit at him. Jade watched as he stepped backward, herself in shock. When he lowered his hands, she saw a burn mark singed into his right cheek. But what was burning more was his eyes, a glare that could put volcanos to shame. He growled and thrust his hand forward miming a choke. In that instance, Jade herself began to feel her windpipe close.

“Who.Is.It?! I have killed that damned woman who saw me, I have even taken a special prize in addition. WHO ELSE?! WHO ELSE COULD EVEN DREAM OF TAKING ME ON?! WHEN I AM THIS CLOSE TO PERFECTION?!COMPLETION!?! WHEN I COULD CRACK YOU OPEN NOW LIKE AN EGG ONTO A SKILLET AND EXTRACT THE FINAL INGREDIENT TO MY CONCOCTION!? WHO DID YOU BRING?!”

The cavern began to shake, the men who had previously been carrying out menial tasks on computers or lab equipment now running to the wall of guns. Shouting came from them, directions being given by one to another. Though why did this Jade didn’t know, weren’t they all connected to the same mind? Of course, any thought was struggling to arrive in Jade’s head as oxygen was being rapidly cut from it.

She floats suspended in the air, and though not a hand is physically on her, her throat looking visibly depressed at the grasp of another. Her hands could not come to her aid, as they were chained behind her.  All she could see, her eyes rolling to the top of her head to see the cave ceilings and all its ducts, was a Golden-Haired maniac choking her out. But it is in those moments of desperation that the Human mind races for solutions it would have not previously considered. And also brings up old memories…

A flash goes across Jade’s eyes. She is back in school. Across from her stands Reverse, dressed in his uniform. She had just been easily brushed off by him again, and was complaining about how her arms hurt from all the swinging and missing she was doing. And that's when Reverse said this. “Have you tried using your legs? You have four limbs, don't just use two of them.” A flashback to the current reality and Jade’s legs begin to kick. 

“A pitiful display. Kicking and screaming in your last moments? Just like your father. Yelling in the agony of being swallowed by the Earth’s blood, im guessing his own is adding an element of cowardice and patheticness to you, you -”

Emesh was cut short of his monologue when a shot of fire flew from the tips of Jade’s foot straight into his face. He staggered back, his hair burnt at the front, and his face fuming. Jade stood before him, breathing heavily trying to regain what she had lost from the momentary oxygen deficit she had just experienced. But she stood defiant before him. Emesh snarled, and tore off the sleeves of his blue suit. “Curse this form for being too weak to hold me! If I lack the strength to finish my task as this petulant child form, I WILL TAKE HOLD OF SOMETHING FAR GREATER!” Emesh then turned around to run to the monster in the ring. 

Wait, why is he running to himself? Is he going to wake up that thing?! I can barely take him on as is! And if my father couldn’t take on what he's about to change into… I need to stop him!

Jade was being overwhelmed with an energy she had never felt course through her body before, and was feeling warm. The warmth of a soft summer day, but around her the air began to change to the heat of humid South Georgia afternoon. Papers on tables around her began to catch fire, and this made the running Emesh stop. He turned, in confusement, and watched in horror as a yellow and orange glow started to spread across from Jade. The metal around her wrist melted off, and soon Jade began to float. 

Emesh smiled, turning fully to behold the phoenix rise.”From the ashes of defeat rises you, oh what a poet you are! But this sudden surge of power won’t be enough! RELEASE HIM!”

A loud metal door flew across the room in the space between Emesh and Jade, landing hard against one of the rocky walls to her left. She whips her head to see where the attack came from and saw…

“YES! I told you I got a new prize, did I not?” Emesh cackled like an old crone, and started making a mad dash for a set of scaffolding stairs. Standing in the doorframe of a heavy concrete cube was a tall black man in a t-shirt, wearing a trojan war helmet. 

“Omegaman..” Jade spoke under her breath. She slowly brought her hands up to her face, a boxing form like what Reverse used to use, and stared him on. “I’m sorry.” Emesh laughed, running further and further from Jade to the monster in the ring. “Oh, like you have a chance?”

“No, but I do”

The room stopped. Even the monster in the ring slowly orbited its large head to look up. An angered cry came out from its detached and disused larynx, a cry of pure fury,anger, and shock. Omegeman looked up to the rafters where this voice came from, but Jade didn’t. She knew who it was.  A tear fell down from her eyes as she starred Omegaman on, stance unwavering. The Golden Boy that was Emesh looked up and yelled: “NO!”

Standing above Jade and the cavern below upon a maze of catwalks, surrounded by the bodies of twenty or so soldiers and currently throwing another over the railing, was a hero. 

He stood wearing a white t-shirt and blue and whtie boxing shorts. His hair was cut short to his head, and his face was cleanly shaven. Standing next to him was a woman in sweats, kicking a man off the railing into the cavern below. In her hands were brass knuckles, and on her feet were her signature black converses.

“Its been a while, Planeteer. I thought I'd dress up for the occasion. You might remember my companion here, she’s one of the teenagers who saved people from your last big blunder. Of course, since its been so long, I thought I’d introduce myself again.”

He vaulted over the railing and fell into a three-point landing, facing the monster in the ring. The monstrosity screeched like an injured animal that made many cover their ears, but not the man who had fallen from the rafters.

“I am Joseph Ellington. You may call me Reverse. You killed my dad, you son of a bitch.”

Reverse launched at Omegaman and delivered a four series punch, throwing him into the ceiling. He turned to Jade and yelled, “FOLLOW THAT BOY! DON’T LET HIM ESCAPE I GOT THIS!” Reverse was then struck in the face by Omegaman, sending him into another rock wall. He quickly rolled out the way to avoid another punch that shortly followed, he then returned with an elbow strike to Omegaman’s neck but it had very little power behind it. Omegaman grabbed Reverse by the shirt and then disappeared down a long corridor, the sounds of yelling and ground shaking punches echoing downs its hallways.

Jade dropped from her foat and started to sprint after Emesh, who had gotten out of his shock and had started to flee from her. He got not three steps before RIley’s foot connected into his head from the ceiling. She landed roughly on top of him, but it did not last long. The boy simply waved his hand and Riley was thrown off him and onto the ground floor. Her body made a heavy thud as it bounced off a crate. A loud snap ricocheted off the walls, an unmistakable noise of broken bones.

“My,” Emesh said as he climbed to his feet, “you cannot get good help these days.” He went to run but found himself unable to. He looked down to see his shoes had melted into the grate. Then sweat started to pour down from his body. “What..Whats..”

“YOU HURT HER.” Emesh turned to see Jade floating in the air, finger pointed at him with a ball of glowing yellow fire in her other hand. She casts this fireball straight into his body, But Emesh manages to deflect it away in time. However, he made a folly in the direction and threw it towards the monster in the ring. The ball scorched a black mark into its bulbous head, and screeched echoed in the cavern. The entire area began to shudder, rocks and debris falling from above. 

“IDIOT! IF I FALL THIS WHOLE CHAMBER COMES DOWN WITH ME!” Emesh punches the air, and Jade is assaulted with an invisible fist that hits her right in the gut. Her bullet wound reopens at the punch, and she falls from the sky. Emesh takes off his shoes and starts to slowly advance onto Jade, who fell from the sky onto the ground mere yards away from the monster in the ring. Emsh, walked over to her, limping from the attack from Riley. He walks in front of her and looks down at the injured hero. He kicks her in the stomach. “Triteful scum.. You and your whole line are nothing but roadblocks on the path to greatness. My vision is a world united, with one mind and one soul! All I needed was a transmitter, and that's when I sought your father..”

He bends over and grabs her by the hair and begins dragging her towards the monster in the ring, a heavyweight beginning to take its place over Jade the closer she got to it, as if gravity itself was pulling her down. The chaos of the room had begun to reach its peak, alarmas blaring, rocks falling, machinery breaking. The sound of fighting disappeared down the hallway where Reverse went..

“The sun.. I needed the sun. What better way to reach everyone so they may see my vision? Your father has the power of the sun.. you have the power of the sun… I WILL HAVE THE POWER OF THE SUN!” Emesh bends over and holds Jade over his head, blood dripping from her wound. He stands at the edge of the ring where the monster floats. 

Jade’s eyes begin to gloss over, her weight increasing. She cannot raise her arms or legs. Emesh has full control… All she can do is look up at the ceiling and watch as rocks fall, contemplating her doom. All she can do is see the cracks on the ceiling grow, the last sunlight she’ll ever see peak through them.

Wait..sunlight?

An idea sparks in Jade’s head. She closes her eyes and focuses. Her father’s blood courses through her. All her training. She thinks of her mom. Her friends at school. Her life ahead of her. She thinks of Reverse. She thinks of Riley.

She thinks of her dad.

The ceiling dissolves into dust as a beam of straight sunlight breaks through the stone, dirt, and steel. The monster yells in pain as it had not been graced by Earth’s star in almost two decades, and in turn Emesh cringes from the light and drops Jade behind him, shielding himself from the pain his true self felt.

Jade then concentrated the light on the Golden Boy. Her torturer. Her would-be killer. The sun seems to move like a light under a magnifying glass, a zigzag motion leaving a scarred black line in the floor. Emesh was still distracted from this radiant brilliance to notice until it was too late.

“NO!NO!” He screamed as he tried to turn and flee, but the psychic strain was placed too heavily upon him and he could not move. The beam of light disintegrated the body in seconds. A large chunk of the ceiling fell onto the ring with the monster, its cry cut short by the deafening noise of destruction. Jade fell to the ground exhausted, too tired to do anything but sit and be aware of her surroundings. The collapsing cavern would consume her whole.

“I can’t leave you alone for a second, can I?”

Jade weakly turned her head, her wound bleeding out from her stomach. She saw Reverse stagger out of the corridor, a body slung over his shoulders. He looked the worst out of everyone. Blood was pooling under his shirt, cuts all over his face and arms. The body he carries over him does not fare too much better, Jade being able to see it was Omegaman who was unconscious(or dead) he was carrying. Reverse looks up and sees the large opening in the ceiling, and throws the body out like a football, a noise being made when it hit the ground a good bit out.

“Where’s Riley?” Jade weakly points to the pile of boxes. Reverse makes his way over, leaving small pools of blood for each step. He gingerly picks her up, then walks over to Jade. With his spare arm, he slings her over his other shoulder, and with one mighty jump clears the cavern, landing just on the edge of the collapsing cave.  He walks out just a small amount before slowly dropping the two girls. He tears into Riley’s bag and takes out a small and broken first aid kit, starting to staunch the bleeding from Jade’s wound.

Reverse’s breathing was heavy and slow, but he was focusing every ounce of effort upon Jade.

“Are..are we going to die out here?” Reverse looked at her, and gave his best smile, although it hurt him to do so.”No, people are coming for us. I called the Las Vegas Hero Center on Omegaman’s communicator. We’re safe now.”

Jade gave a single laugh, leaning her head back.

 I’m safe..i’m finally safe from..from everything. I have Reverse here again.  I have Riley. I’m..safe.

The ground shook. 

Reverse stopped the field suture he was doing on Jade, and quickly turned around. The high noon heat of the Mojave desert was making everyone hot and tired, but in that single shake Reverse had turned cold.

“No..No I didn’t want to do this.. No, I thought I could have..”

He turned back to Jade. Upon his face was a look of saddened acceptance. Tears were beginning to well in his eyes.

“Reverse? What's going on?” Jade asked, her heart beating faster.

Reverse stood up, looked down on Jade, and just smiled.

“You made me proud today, Jade. Your father would have been proud too. You’re going to do great things.Great things. I’m..” Reverse sniffed, wiping his eyes,”I’m sorry I put you through so much.” 

At that, he turned to the face the hole he had just jumped out of.

The shaking had been non-stop, but when he turned it was as if the monster was waiting for him to say his goodbyes. 

“Quintein, you’ve always been a drama queen.”

The Monster floated up from the hole, large chunks of rocks and other girders floating around it. It snarled from its deformed mouth. 

“This will never end, will it? You will never see good. You will only ever want destruction under your ‘vision’. You could have been so much more.”

The monster began to throw large chunks of rock and steel girders at Reverse, but it was if they were never thrown at all. Reverse dodged them easily, using his last reserves of energy.

“Victor loved you until the end. I will not be so lenient.”

Reverse began to just slowly walk towards the monster, and began glowing a bright white.

The monster was still throwing whatever debris it could find, it was breaking the ground underneath it swell up the molten rock to throw at Reverse, but nothing hit him. It was screaming in a voice of the desperate and scared.

Reverse now stood at the base of the hole where the monster floated, standing only three yards away from the ghastly beast.

He looked up at the pitiful creature and smiled.

“I don’t know why you fear death, old friend. I’ve been there, it's rather nice. And I’m happy to go again.”

Reverse then simply reached his hand out in a finger gun pointed at the monster, and just lowered his thumb.

Jade yelled out for him, but it didn’t matter.

When asked about what she saw, she would say the end and creation of a universe at once.

[artificialqueens]

Church of the Poison Mind (Trixya) Ch. 7 - Dahlia

A/N:

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I’ve been going through a lot of pretty heavy real life stuff, and have just basically been overwhelmed, but I am so OVERJOYED to be writing again! And I thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this chapter! Here’s hoping the final chapters follow in quick succession. Thank you so so so much for all of your kind words and messages, they keep me going!

ALSO I’M SO SORRY THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER IS JUST ANGST. You’re welcome. :)

I would not have made it through this chapter, or life in general, without my lovely lesbians DjoodiGarland and Matilda_Queen. Thank you for always being there for me and loving me through this. And to Rosie, my beautiful, sweet love. Thank you for everything, I don’t know where I’d be without you.

“What kind of daughter are you?”

There had been a lot of shouting those days, a lot of name calling, a myriad of misspoken insults that sank into her skin like injections of lost faith.

Trixie spent most of her time calling rental agencies, shaking her mother awake, getting turned down by realtor after realtor because she was, well, she was too young. And truly, how could she expect any respectable adult to take her seriously?

“You have to be at least 18 to apply.”

 I’m not.

“Is this a prank call? Where are your parents, kid?”

Hell, if I should know.

”You have to file a credit report, first.”

What’s a credit report?

“Okay so, why can’t your mother come to the phone again?”

She’s ill.

”We’ll get back to you.”

No, you won’t.

Homeless. Trixie kept thinking, homeless . If it continues on this way, the sheriff will come and evict us and we’ll be homeless. Countless nights she’d lie awake, obsessively checking her emails, relentlessly disappointed, and she’d think homeless.

She’d stopped going to school, stopped trying to wake her mother in time for the truancy officers, in time for CPS, and family services. And nobody looked at her the same, they always held the same disgustingly patronizing eyes. Poor trixie, her mother doesn’t care, her mother can’t care, her mother had forgotten to care.

But still, they shrugged her case off. Afterall, there’d been no evidence of physical abuse. Trixie appeared well fed, well kempt. And this allowed for more time, for more phone calls and rejections. Allowed for more empty booze bottles and prescription refills, piling sinks full of dishes and dirty carpets.

And soon she found herself asking, “What kind of a daughter am I?”

—

“I’m very sorry, we… I should not have done this. It was inappropriate of me.”

“Katya…”

Through the fog of lost sleep and Russian folk flowing tinny through the car speakers, Trixie rubbed the sleep from her eyes, stealing glances from her seat on the passenger’s side. Katya’s eyes were narrowed and stolid as she drove, focused on the road, pale hair spilling out in heaps over her thin shoulders. And neither of them spoke, the ever-thickening gravity of the night before weighing on them like a fever dream. Trixie felt tender but weary, fearful. She wanted more, so much more than the situation could allow.

Somewhere, on some plane, Trixie knew that this was fleeting; that any feeling Katya might’ve held for her, couldn’t be sustainable. And she could feel the regret, hanging bitter in the air between them, that even though they hadn’t done anything measurable, it was the tenderness that stung the most. The cloying need for sweetness, need for more, contradicted by the wavering inability to act; but still, she yearned for Katya’s touch, for that laugh, and those wide, curious eyes.

The sun came into full view then, but the hour was still just as pale blue as the shine in Katya’s eyes. And as they pulled up to Trixie’s house, much to her surprise, Katya didn’t look over, but stayed steely, eyes cast over the dashboard. And Trixie sighed complacently, as the warmth had seeped out of Katya’s smile somewhere between Main street, and Beacon drive.

Trixie sat for a moment, quiet in her breathing, searching the side of Katya’s face, silently willing Katya to turn her head. Her sight followed the deep plunge of Katya’s cheekbones, down her neck, her freckled chest; and Trixie wanted nothing more than to reach out and let a hand fall to the back of Katya’s neck, but she resisted.

And just then, with a subtle haste, Katya sent her arm across the center console, over Trixie’s chest, and opened the passenger’s side door.

Confident there was nothing more to be said, she flipped a brief nod of thanks and turned in her seat to step down, but before she could, the light brush of Katya’s fingers found her cheek. And Trixie turned her head to meet Katya’s eyes, just as bright and heavenly as they were the night before, but riddled now with penitence. Trixie closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into Katya’s palm, a deep exhale leaving her like a calm under the waves. Softly, she opened her eyes, took in one last glance, and stepped out of the car, closing the door gently behind her.

Soon Trixie was watching Katya pull away, her car stalling at first, and then kicking up dust as it descended the graveled drive. A chill ran through her, smooth in the November air; and Trixie found herself, bleary eyed and sullen, missing the cardigan she’d forgotten in Katya’s back seat. All the while hopeful, incredibly hopeful, that its presence would carry Katya back to her.

With a forbearing sigh, Trixie carried herself up the porch steps and pushed through the front door. She entered, closed it quietly behind her, and tiptoed through the kitchen, kicking off her shoes by the basement door.

“Well, aren’t we getting in late…”

Trixie turned with a start, her heart skipping a beat. Kim was sat at the kitchen window seat, spooning heaps of sugar into a steaming mug of tea. And as the steam crept into the air, an image of last night’s coffee churned in the pit of Trixie’s stomach. Then she was desperate for it, remnants of that memory still latent on the burnt tip of her tongue.

“Or should I say,” Kim spoke again with a curt grin, “early? Given it’s 5am.”

“Okay, mom. I could ask you the same thing. What’re you doing here so early?”

“Waiting for you.”

“What, why?” Trixie chuckled, scanning Kim’s face.

Trixie crossed the kitchen floor and headed for the coffee maker, her hip brushing Kim’s protruding knee as she passed by. Her head ached with exhaustion, and while she was thankful for the comforting gurgle of coffee brewing, she felt irritable, raw; unsure if the coffee would help or hurt. Trixie laid her upper body over the center counter top, her elbows resting on the surface; and she closed her eyes, self-soothing, rubbing slow circles into her temples.

“So, you did forget?”

“Forget wh-” Trixie stopped, slowed, “oh, shit. Kim, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot we had- I just got so caught up in… wait, so you sat here all night… waiting for me? Why didn’t you just call me?”

“Well, no dummy, I’m not a freak. I woke up a little while ago. And I did call you, last night. But your phone was off.”

Trixie patted around her pockets, and upon finding her phone, ran her fingertips over the surface; the tips of her nails catching in the cracks of last year’s shatter. And while she powered it on, a soft silence hung in the air between her and Kim.

↳ Kim: hey, i just got in, pearl’s cooking again, im whispering tiny prayers for the safety of your kitchen. you leave school yet?

↳ 1 Missed Call: Kim

↳ Kim: Violet said she hasn’t seen you all afternoon, are you okay?

↳ Kim: say yes to the dress is starting in like 5 mins, do you want me to wait… or???? should I just assume I get to indulge in ALL of these facemasks by myself??

↳ Kim: yoooooo my skin abouta be TIGHT

↳ 6 Missed Calls: Caller ID Restricted

↳ Kim: ok it’s literally 1am, where tf are you????? im getting kind of worried here. ive had to stop violet from calling the police like 6 times

↳ 2 Missed Calls: Kim

↳ 11 Missed Calls: Caller ID Restricted

She shook a wave of anxiety and returned her gaze to Kim.

“I… I’m so sorry, I just, my-”

“You were with her again, weren’t you?”

“What?”

“Listen, I’m worried about you, Trix,” her tone softened, and Trixie met her gaze through clouds of coffee steam, “you-”

“Listen Kim, I’ve had kind of a shitty morning and it’s like dick o’clock and I really don’t have th-”

“You’ve just, you’ve been spending a lot of time with her, Trixie.”

“Excuse me? Are you policing who I spend my time with now?” Trixie said, still joking, but a little sharper than she’d intended.

Speech suspended for a moment as Kim drew in a long breath, and exhaled on a quiet sigh.

“Okay. First of all, chill. I just mean that… Listen, Trix, she seems sweet, she really does, but there’s some nasty stuff going around about her and I just don’t want to see you mixed up in that.”

Trixie could feel a bubbling heat rising in her chest, up her neck, spreading into a rouge across her cheeks. She poured the coffee into a mug, some splashing onto the countertop, and found herself rifling through the spice rack for cinnamon; she needed something to shake Katya’s impassivity, to bring her back to last night’s loveliness; but the scent alone burned Katya’s image in the back of her mind, a picture so clear of her face, so cold and distant.

She sipped slowly, cinnamon catching at the back of her throat, and somewhere in all of the coughing, Kim’s patronization had crept beneath her skin and set the surface ablaze.

“Honestly Kim, I love you, but it’s too early for this shit. And thinking about it now, literally none of this is even remotely your business. You don’t know anything about her,” Trixie said, biting. Her headache raged on, a sour pang radiating from the back of her neck. And she could tell she was overreacting, creating something out of nothing; but she couldn’t help but fall farther into it.

“Trixie, I’m your friend. I’m just saying, you always do thi-”

“Well, don’t just say . I’m stressed enough about this as it is, and I don’t need you, of all people, making this harder on me! You’re always on me about this kind of shit, and I don’t need it right now!”

“Wow, okay. You make plans with me. Break them. Fuck your teacher. And somehow, I’m in the wrong? Since when is carin-”

“I did not fuc- did you ever stop and think, for maybe even a millisecond, that the reason I’m spending all of this time with her is because you keep ditching me?”

“Trixie, do not put this on me. You always do this.”

“Do what?” Trixie snapped.

“You always turn things around on me! I’ve literally done nothing wrong here!” Kim stood then from the window seat.

“Oh, so it’s perfectly okay for you to promise me a ride, and then leave me stranded like three times a week, but the one time I make a human mist- “

“I’ve done so much for you, Trixie! This is not one human mistake . I knew you’d find some way to fuck this up. You know, I bust my ass day and night, and everyone fucking wants something from me. I give, and I give, and all you do is take,” Kim interrupted, throwing her hands into the air, and letting them fall hard to her sides.

Trixie watched the argument unravel from a space outside of her own body. She could see the anger leaving Kim in harsh waves; and though the salt water stung, stirred bitter words in her own mouth that threatened escape, she was able to rationalize, self sooth. She couldn’t fully give herself to the argument, knowing that this was long awaited for Kim, that maybe all the stress and chaos had finally gotten to her.

A person could only bend so far before it broke them, could only expend so much before they were due. And Kim, generous and giving as they come, had spent countless hours of her life twisting and contorting her time to fit the moulds of other people; but the words still hurt, still rang of distant memories of her mother’s disappointment, of rage and of acid.

“Fuck what up?” Trixie took a step back, her mind racing.

“Nothing, just forget it.”

“No, you have something to say, say it. You’re not my mother Kim, I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“Oh, that’s rich! You know, I might as well be your mother. Who the fuck do you think found you this place when your actual mother threw you out? Who got you the job you quit because it was,” Kim pulled her fingers into air quotations, “too much? Paid your rent when you couldn’t. Who busted her ass getting you into this school? You can’t commit to anything Trixie, and now, NOW, you’ve gone and figured out the ONE way you can fuck up school, too! I hope Katya’s worth it I really do. Because when administration finds out, you’re both fucked .”

A knot twisted tightly in Trixie’s stomach.

“Stop bringing her into this! You don’t know anything about her! Or me for that matter, clearly. But obviously , you have a lot to say,” Trixie said, almost shouting.

“You think she cares about you? You’re wrong, Trix. You need to grow up, really. She’s using you, just like she did Phi Phi. And when this all blows up in your face, like everything always does, you’re gonna come crying to me. And you know what? I won’t be here.”

Just then, a small noise from the staircase caught their attention. They turned their heads to find two thin figures perched at the top, eyes wide and watching. And Pearl opened her mouth to speak, but Trixie was out the door, leaving her coffee steaming on the counter.

—

Kim’s words, heated and stinging, followed her like a phantom down the darkened halls of her university. And while it hurt, ached a sore plight down the center of her chest, she knew that everything Kim said had been right. She’d been a bad friend, taken too much and given too little. And she could hear her mother’s words too, fresh as the day they were spoken, like silent criminals come to steal her composure.

Autopilot carried her to Katya’s class, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, in the same cracked makeup down her cheeks. Their eyes met and unmet constantly, knowing, each glance holding space a little longer than it should’ve. And Trixie felt as though she could cry at any moment, as the dull ache in her head echoed through the back of her skull, and the glaring need for escape ravaged all the spaces in between. She felt trapped, cornered, unable to escape Katya’s eyes; though she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to. She wanted someone to see her, that she was sure of. Someone to see passed the façade and tell her that it was all going to be okay; and she wanted that someone to be Katya; but some things just couldn’t be, and she was learning then, slowly but surely, that she had to make peace with that. Maybe they could come out of this on top, settle for glances and smiles, chats after class, and maybe, just maybe, Trixie could forget the rush. And if not forget, then settle for a dull ache of what could’ve been.

5 Missed Calls .

Class flew by in a blurred rush of muted anxiety, Trixie auto piloting her way through the motions, all the while hoping she could slip out near the end unnoticed; but much to her dismay, as Trixie had anticipated, the end of class found Katya beelining for Trixie’s desk, and any interaction between them became suddenly unavoidable.

“Listen, Tracy, I’m… I’m very sorry about last night, about this morning, I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Katya started.

“Katya don’t, really. It’s fine, you haven’t don-”

“I think it would be… in better interest, if I didn’t drive you home anymore.”

“I don’t understand,” Trixie said, picking absently at the corner of her thumb nail.

“We can’t do thi-”

“We haven’t done anything.”

“You know what I mean.”

Trixie stood for a moment and let everything sink in, their eyes meeting.

Katya reached for Trixie’s left hand and brought it gingerly to her lips. So tender, so domestic. She placed a soft kiss on Trixie’s knuckle, then let their hands drift together to the left side of her chest. And through the cotton of Katya’s blouse, Trixie could feel the quick drumming of her heart, could see in her eyes a great fear, but also a great acceptance.

“I know,” Trixie said quietly, pulling her hand back.

She turned on a slow heal and started for the door; leaving Katya, small and teary eyed, stark in the middle of the room. And as Trixie stole a final glance, the light of the projector cast her silhouette like a specter across the back wall that sunk into the floor while the door swung shut behind her.

She’d only gotten a few steps down the hall before tears began spilling down her cheeks, probably carrying mascara with them. And Trixie blotted the space beneath her eyes, covertly avoiding eye contact with Jinkx as she passed her down the main hall just before the stairs.

7 Missed Calls.

 —

 She found herself outside then, heading toward the employee parking lot, under the usual tuck of trees that arched against the rain almost protectively overhead. Though many of the leaves had fallen and sunken into the grounds, there had been just enough to provide her shelter, and she stood for a few beats before realizing Katya wasn’t going to come; then again, neither would Kim. Trixie shivered as the cold hit her, her breath evident in the brisk, and she coiled into herself, wrapping her cardigan tighter around her hips.

She patted around her pockets and produced a crumpled twenty dollar bill, that she smoothed against her books and tucked into the side of her bra, the very last of that week’s allowance. While she scrolled through her phone in search of a taxi company, though they were sparse in these parts, she watched as cars puttered by her, subtly hoping to see Katya’s round the drive.

Before she could hit call, her phone lit up again, buzzing in her palm; a contact photo, her at a young age, eyes bright and glittering, a cheesy smile. And her mother, younger, less weathered, hair still long and curly, thin fingers pinching Trixie’s cheeks.

Until then, the calls seemed more like a minor nuisance, just a permanent fixture on the dashboard of her notifications, but now it cut deep; reminded her of all that she’d lost, all that she’d never regain. And she did something she hadn’t done in months, hadn’t done since Kim had found her and brought her here, she answered . And it went just as swimmingly as she might’ve guessed.

“I’ve been calling you for weeks,” a gravely voice slurred through the phone line.

“Are you, are you drunk?”

“What kind of daughter would ask that?”

Soon there was shouting. And Trixie lost all awareness of her environment, her surrounding; but she knew people were watching, she just simply forgot to care. And tears were spilling out of her, falling onto her shirt, tangling with the rain water washing down her skin.

The air was cold, her fingers red and pruning, phone pressed firmly into her cheek. Everything was spinning and far from sound, and as her mother continued her lamentation, Trixie grew more tense, more unabsolved. She felt trapped suddenly, by all of the forces outside of her own body, controlling her, prodding and pulling like the strings of a marionette. And she came to a startling realization; her life, wasn’t hers. This wasn’t what she wanted, this wasn’t who she wanted to be.

Before she could even hang up the phone, someone was tugging at her arm, pulling her gently from the rain, and from the watching eyes. Guiding her down into a car, her boots finding the comforting crush of empty coffee cups and to-go wrappers. And her phone found its way back into her pocket, as did her fingers, numb from the cold that she pressed into her thighs.

They drove in mostly silence, down familiar roads that were slick now with sleet. And the squeaking of the windshield wipers held an almost deafening stance against the silence.

“Tracy… Ar-”

“Please, Katya. Please , don’t.” Trixie said, drying her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier, I just… You can still talk to me, you know.”

“No, I can’t. I really can’t.”

Just then, Katya pulled her car swiftly off of the road, hitting the curb and throwing the gears into park. She took off her seatbelt so she could turn to meet Trixie’s gaze.

“What are we doing here?”

“I want to talk to you. I want you to talk to me, there’s n-”

“You know what,” Trixie said, unfastening her seatbelt, “I really can’t. And you know damn well why I can’t.”

“I am not understanding this.”

“Because, Katya! I fucking want you, I want us, I want…” Trixie threw her hands into the air in exasperation, “this! And I’m so sick of everyone in my life telling me what to do, and who to be. Even you! Everyone is always… god, I don’t know! I’m so fucking overwhelmed all of the time by this expectation of who I’m supposed to be, how I’m supposed to act. I have never, ever, not once in my life, not had to fight for every single thing that I have and I’m sick of it. I’m my own person, we are both fucking adults and we can make our own decisi-”

Before she could finish, Katya’s hands were over the center console, pulling her face close, their lips finally meeting.

—

And suddenly her fingers are on me, in my hair, running down my neck. Our mouths meeting like it’s the first time, gliding swiftly over one another, melding us as one exchange of impassioned energy. And her breath is warm, and sweet, intoxicating . Everything I need. Devastatingly, so. From the light of the cars in passing, flickering across her skin, I can see every unspoken word, escaping into the expanse. She wants me, and I want her, and this may be fleeting but I’ve forgotten to care as her hands stroke passed my hair and down my back, sliding with a quick and heavy rhythm like she’s striking a match. Every ounce of angst in me cries out for her, yearns to be closer, to be deeper, to love long and speak sweeter. And I’m falling into her hard, like I’ve never fallen before-

 —

Their lips parted as Katya pulled away with haste, her eyes squeezing shut.

“Trixie, Trixie, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have, we can’t do this!” Katya tensed, her accent thicker than ever.

And all of the spinning inside of Trixie stopped, her expression blank, eyes blinking quick and without rhythm. Her skin flushed, hot embers fading into gray coals.

“ Trixie ?” She said in a hushed exasperation, realizing that it was the first time she’d ever heard the name leave Katya’s lips.

“We can’t, I’m so sorry. I just, I care about you so much but we… we can’t Trix-”

“Why not? WHY NOT? You just said it, you care about me! Katya, please, not you too, you can’t do this to me, too. I can’t handle someone else telling me what I ca-”

“Trixie, please try and understand… I’m so so-”

“You know what. Save it. ”

And with that, Trixie was climbing out of the car, the garbage underfoot kicking out onto the sidewalk.

[vantaert]

Let go

- Are you afraid of falling in love

-No I'm afraid of letting go

Another unknown season has passed by my locked doors . The four of them ran out of magic trying to sneak some glitter into my black and white life . Yet I block them out . What's the best of the winter if he's not my umbrella under the rainstorms . What's the purpose of the fallen if he's gone like a golden Leaf dancing within the fierce wind .

The fate made us make blank vows . Vows were meant to tear us apart , to split our souls and to break our hearts .He promised he would never throw one last glance at our story . He confessed if he did he would jump over the high tide to hold me and never let go .I promised I would never hold him back .Yet my selfishness got the best of me . Thus I turned around just to meet your back walking away . Leaving the utopia .Then you disappeared just like snowflakes within the rain .

After you've gone the fog spread all over the corners. The emptiness found it's way to rut inside my broken soul . My heart is barely beating. As its lost as well . As its roots are being shattered by the sudden change of weather. Yesterday it was sunny and warm . Today it's gloomy and cold . Tomorrow will be dark and freezing . The sharp pain is wandering inside my chest burning every single bone against my ribcage.

We both flashed the thunderstorm over our story . We both created this tragic disaster. Yet I was the victim . I thought I could be able to turn the page for the next chapter.  I thought I could be able to wander the next story .I thought I could be able to watch you shine like a silver star in the sky without me drowning into an endless waterfalls till no tears left to cry . I thought I could be able to give up on you and dress my naked soul another season free of pain and wounds . But no matter how deep the wound is I couldn't love you less . I couldn't care about the countless non healed scars you've scratched because at the end still they remind me of you . I do want to remember you even it means opening the old wounds by a sharp blade bleeding memories, moments, promises, we've shared upon once a time.

It's been

days

Weeks

Months

Years

Inking thousand lines

Between every word I ink  I would shed burning tears . Every time I blink trying to cage them back I fail . Each droplet leaves my soul it cracks a piece of my heart . Regardless it cracks million times per day yet ridiculously can't seem to forget about you . How comes not only my soul have fallen for you but also the brain which is supposed to be the rationale alarm and my fragile body . Successfully you've possessed me .

Those inked letters hold the past ,the present outing the future . I have no future to look for while you've gone . Future is so unclear since you've vanished . It's like I'm staring at the fascinating moon yet I'm too far to define its breathtakingly beauty because you're not here to admire it with me . Remember how fond I was with the sunset until I've watched the sunrise with you . You made it possible also to erase my desire for the rain until I've witnessed the first snow with you . My life was simply impossible until you've stepped in sprinkling only few glimpses of your charms to make it perfectly possible. Sadly now how badly I pray for the impossible to storm again . I'm tired of everything. I want to let go .

This is going to be the last words you're going to hear from me . I'm not sure if you've read my previous chapters though my guts are ringing a bell you did . Maybe you miss me the way I miss you . Maybe you want me as much as I want you . Maybe you cry as hard as I do . Nevertheless it kills us alive causing only forgotten corpses yet we live in a world where miracles never born and destinies never play fairly.

We chose different paths . You picked a shining star . I picked a stigma .

Our paths would never cross just like the day and the night . You'll be the sun I'll be the moon . You live under the spotlight .I hide beneath the moonlight.

This is the second hardest thing I've ever done in my entire existence. The first was letting go of your hand . This doesn't mean I'm letting go of this love either. I'm just gonna ink the ending . One of us had to . Since you hadn't enough courage to cut the rose . I'll sacrifice like I've always did . I'm going to cut it . I'm well aware of the consequences which it's going to bleed to death . The garden will hold a funeral but the owner of the rose wouldn't be there for its fairway. He would be crying alone in his castle calling its name more than once hoping for its shadow to appear but it won't come . It won't be part of this universe by that time .

I had you once to love you for a lifetime . Promise me this time you won't get trapped by the same mistake I've done . Free yourself of this broken love . Find yourself a new euphoria . Create yourself a utopia . Don't blame yourself . I chose to engulf this broken love as a utopian euphoria . I know we've held Blank vows . They were like empty cups . Thus at least this time make a valid promise by closing the book and throw it somewhere in the deep ocean . I'll find it and hide it where you'll never reach .

It's time I think . This is the end . Im giving up on you . But love is not over . Love is a maze where we sin . Where we wound and we heal . Where we break and we cure . Where we cry and we laugh . Where everything is against sealing a happy ending. 

Next time don't break down singing . The untold truth is that I don't want you anymore. Don't let old emotions blind you from seeing the truth . Because no matter how much you still want me . The fate won't light on us .

Gift yourself the happiness I couldn't write neither for you nor for myself.