#I LIED AGAIN I AM A FOOL DONT TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!! DONT TRUST ME EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[helicidal]

let's watch her die together, shall we?

[vihrago-a]

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ     𝐒𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐎𝐅𝐅 .    [  many  sentence  starters  from  the duality album  of  𝗦𝗘𝗧 𝗜𝗧 𝗢𝗙𝗙  .  edit if necessary .   please credit if using .  ]

no sir, by the way, what the hell are morals?

but a wolf in sheep's clothing is more than a warning.

tell me how you're sleeping easy.

show me how you justify telling all your lies like second nature.

listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay.

you sink your teeth into everyone you depend on.

i smell the blood of a petty little coward.

maybe you'll change, abandon all your wicked ways.

make amends and start anew again.

maybe you'll see all the wrongs you did to me and start all over, start all over again.

who am I kidding?

now, let's not get overzealous here.

you've always been a huge piece of shit.

having said that, burn in hell.

dirty secrets, empty memories, and broken hearts across the floor.

i was knocked out, heels over head.

no wonder no one heard my screams.

and now that it's dead, I live in your head and I will haunt your fucking dreams.

no one will love you like i did, will treat you like i did.

no one will love you like i did, will touch you like i did.

no one will love you like i did, will fuck you like i did.

so good luck finding someone better.

run away, boy, if you couldn't tell, baby's got a thirst for blood.

someday, you may find that picture perfect guy.

and ill chase my words with poison.

remove the gag and step away, he's suffocating.

you pull the strings day after day.

that's why he needs a break from you.

oh, I hope he hears these words, maybe this time he will learn.

you should escape, skip town.

no more excuses.

you're better on your own.

why else go through the trouble?

and they ask who dares defy, I'll be raising my hand high.

do you even have a plan of attack?

i cant help it, i cant stop it.

im living fast until im dead.

and i dont owe you an explanation.

getting greedy, get it in my veins.

it feels just like a hole in your chest.

you're feeling like you're trapped.

you're the only one standing in your way.

just take a breath, relax, and tell me.

are you sick of feeling sorry? and people saying not to worry?

look around and count your blessings.

chin up, quit actin' like you're half dead.

tears can only half fill how you’re feelin'.

no, there's no denying chemistry this strong.

yes, pretend it's right but we both know it's wrong.

but i cant shake these memories that rain inside.

i know how to drive you wild.

you know how to make me smile.

we play with fire because we like the way it burns.

you're addicted to the lust, the imaginary trust.

give me the truth now.

i promise I can handle it if you can.

so give me any reason not to cut you out.

you're far too gone.

watch you pretend, you know it all.

i really wanna know you.

you're not fooling anyone, not you, not me.

so I wonder how you stay alive, when all I do is freeze.

i can't quite contain or explain my evil ways, or explain why I'm not sane.

all i can say is this is your warning.

i have a confession that you will not believe.

i have a confession of a side that i hide.

i have an impression, in the back of my mind.

make me an obsession, when you lock me inside.

i am good, I am evil.

i am solace, I am chaos.

i am human, and that's all I've ever wanted to be.

they're gonna try to clip your wings.

theres always another day, another night.

a bittersweet blessing in disguise.

i stole the moon.

i made the stars align.

and I showed you how to fly.

and you made me the bad guy.

out of sight and out of reach.

i fought for you.

i kept you safe at night.

i would have risked my life.

just show me how the villain was me.

miss mysterious, who are you?

who's the girl behind those eyes?

just a stranger in disguise.

miss mysterious, who could you be?

was the ghost of what we had?

did you erase it from your past?

is your sunshine like my rain?

is your pleasure like my pain?

[edenmemes]

ghost of tsushima starters

❝ promise you’ll remain the good man i know. ❞   ❝ only fools have no fear of death. ❞   ❝ i am very much alive. but my patience is dying. ❞   ❝ i’ll make sure you are remembered. as a great warrior...a wise leader. ❞   ❝ the strength we need is all around us. ❞   ❝ the past cannot hurt you. ❞   ❝ this whole journey, and i never asked your name. ❞   ❝ fear drives you to be stronger. fight harder. ❞ ❝ sometimes...our only choice is to walk away from everything we know ❞ ❝ we do what we must. that is why you and i are both survivors. ❞ ❝ i can do good! i just...need practice. ❞ ❝ may your next life be more peaceful than this one. ❞ ❝ i knew it was too good to be true. ❞ ❝ i'll see what i can do. but if you’re lying to me... ❞ ❝ you’re too comfortable with that power. ❞ ❝ don’t ever try to kill me again. ❞ ❝ turn your back on a foe...and you will die with a sword stuck in it. ❞ ❝ youre not slipping away that easily. ❞ ❝ just stay closed. keep your sword sheathed. and let me do the talking. ❞ ❝ the things i saw still haunt my nightmares. ❞ ❝ i dont even know if you're real. ❞ ❝ victories don’t have to feel good. ❞   ❝ killing your own family...it’s harder than you could ever imagine. ❞   ❝ it’s safer for everyone if i just disappear. ❞   ❝ next time, leave some glory for the rest of us. ❞   ❝ peace doesn’t always come quietly. ❞   ❝ some people respond to kindness. others require a glimpse of steel. ❞ ❝ i am nothing if not honest. ❞ ❝ stop using people, and start thinking about how you can help them. ❞ ❝ you’ve had your vengeance. don’t stand in the way of mine. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to do it alone. ❞ ❝ not all words need to be spoken. ❞   ❝ there is time yet for revenge. i will savour their cries of pain when that time comes. ❞ ❝ i have learned to love the cool, damp dark. ❞ ❝ the last thing i saw was faces filled with hatred, rage... ❞ ❝ you didn’t think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you? ❞ ❝ we will celebrate when this is all over. ❞ ❝ what’s wrong with you? one moment we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, the next you’re ready to cross blades. ❞ ❝ a warrior learns from their mistakes, or they are buried by them. ❞ ❝ remember your training...and never leave my side. ❞ ❝ well...i guess this is goodbye. ❞ ❝ your visions will grow worse, driving you to madness and death. ❞ ❝ i can only pretend for so much longer. i’m not like these people and never will be. ❞ ❝ i loved you all my life, but i could never work up the courage to tell you. ❞ ❝ the proud do not last, and the mightiest of us perish like dust before the wind. ❞ ❝ you’re a vision of mercy. ❞ ❝ not bad, but only half-good. ❞ ❝ we make a good team, don’t we? ❞ ❝ an archer’s aim relies not on eyes...but on body, mind, and spirit. ❞ ❝ this is my fight. i don’t need your weapon. ❞ ❝ being right doesn’t always make things better. ❞ ❝ there is nothing easier than to prey upon the vanity of ambitious men. ❞ ❝ you weren’t looking so good. i let you rest. ❞ ❝ your intentions this time were...better than usual. ❞ ❝ what are you not telling me? ❞ ❝ trouble sticks to you like shit on rice. ❞ ❝ it’s strange being back after so many years...everywhere i look brings back memories. ❞ ❝ only a child expects perfection of their elders. ❞ ❝ when this is all over, what will you do? ❞ ❝ you are ruled by your emotion. ❞ ❝ is this how you want to be remembered? ❞ ❝ perhaps great men share all the aspects of their lessers, but more. great wisdom, but even greater cruelty. ❞ ❝ i cannot imagine the burden a leader like you must bear. ❞ ❝ our greatest enemies are the greatest teachers. ❞ ❝ death’s shadow embraces me. hand in hand we walk. ❞ ❝ breathe. you can’t fight if you hold your breath. ❞ ❝ i know you well enough by now, my friend. ❞ ❝ i can’t go back...to what i was. before this. ❞ ❝ i hope you one day forgive me for the choice i made. ❞ ❝ the wounds you dealt my spirit will never heal. ❞ ❝ why did you turn away from me? ❞ ❝ if you can keep moving forward, so can i. ❞ ❝ it’s a bad idea to sneak up on me. ❞ ❝ promise me something. don’t become like me. ❞ ❝ let me undo the damage i’ve done. ❞ ❝ ...and you want me to clean up your mess. ❞ ❝ the path ahead may take a lifetime, but i will walk it with you. always. ❞ ❝ whatever you believe i’ve become, i will always be your family. ❞ ❝ i wouldn’t be here without you. ❞ ❝ i’ll hunt you past the horizon if i must. ❞ ❝ can i count on you to do what needs to be done? ❞ ❝ that’s over now. you’re here. with me. ❞ ❝ i thought i’d lost you, i should’ve known you’d never give up. ❞ ❝ you can’t continue down this path. ❞ ❝ be careful. demons are everywhere and they fear nothing. ❞ ❝ corpses can’t answer questions. ❞ ❝ you deserve greater respect than this. ❞ ❝ it’s just like the stories my father told me. ❞ ❝ what you become tomorrow is your choice. ❞ ❝ just ask the last man who questioned my sincerity. you’ll find his head covered in flies out back. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t have lied. i still would have helped you. ❞ ❝ we came this far. we’re not turning back now. ❞ ❝ how do we survive if we don’t trust each other? ❞ ❝ without my help, the fear and pain will overwhelm you. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, we don’t retreat. ❞ ❝ the stories are true. i’ve never seen anyone fight like you. ❞ ❝ see how the enemy fear you? you are a true warrior. ❞ ❝ you want to share a drink...with me? ❞ ❝ maybe you should’ve just ran away. like you always do. ❞ ❝ good people have nothing to fear from me. ❞ ❝ your promises are just like you. worthless. ❞ ❝ as you wish, since you asked so sweetly. ❞ ❝ i know better than to argue. ❞ ❝ i hope i can find quiet places like this one, untouched by war. ❞ ❝ we grew up together, but you threw it all away. ❞ ❝ it was so chaotic. i felt you grip my wrist and then nothing. ❞ ❝ desperation can bring out the demon in the best of men. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to leave without you, but...i can’t stay. i hope you understand. ❞ ❝ a grown man, and you still can barely sit still. ❞ ❝ and i heard you had no sense of humor! ❞ ❝ knowing and doing are different. ❞ ❝ trouble follows me everywhere. ❞ ❝ indulging violence weakens the warrior...like too much food or drink. ❞ ❝ i can always tell when you want to ask me something. out with it. ❞ ❝ i am proud to fight beside you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t nurse you back to health to watch you throw your life away. ❞ ❝ all i want...all i need is to start a new life. ❞ ❝ look twice and shoot once. ❞ ❝ i think they’re afraid of you. you can be...intimidating.. ❞ ❝ you don’t even try to hear me. it’s like talking to a stone. ❞ ❝ so you try to kill me? have you lost your mind? ❞ ❝ you’ve sacrificed everything. for revenge. ❞ ❝ we can’t let anger consume us. or blind us to our friends. ❞ ❝ there is only one way this ends. ❞ ❝ i gave you everything. and you threw it away. ❞ ❝ do not question my integrity again. ❞ ❝ your father would be proud. ❞ ❝ the worst one can do is take advantage of their own people. ❞ ❝ you follow trouble. you should ask yourself why.  ❞ ❝ some of my favourite memories happened at this place. ❞ ❝ i told you this was a bad idea! ❞ ❝ keep fighting. we need people like you. ❞ ❝ are you the one who finally kills me? ❞ ❝ a warrior’s most important weapon is themself. lose control, and you risk defeat. ❞ ❝ first, get some rest. this is killing you. ❞ ❝ see that? i told you. there’s always hope. ❞ ❝ i hope the skills i gained through hardship can be of use to the people here. ❞ ❝ you have skill...but you nearly died rushing into battle. ❞ ❝ in the midst of battle, true leaders must stay rooted, stand firm. ❞ ❝ every time i get in a mess like this, i’m as scared as the time before. ❞ ❝ don’t be the next to disappoint me. ❞ ❝ save what we can, but know that everything passes away. ❞ ❝ i hope you understand, this is just a job. ❞ ❝ that’s a sad way to look at the world. ❞ ❝ seeing you like that...i’m still shaken up. ❞ ❝ sit with me a moment. ❞ ❝ doubt and indecision have destroyed armies. ❞ ❝ it’s so painful to...see you weighed down by sadness. ❞ ❝ on the slim chance some good comes of this...lead the way. ❞ ❝ you fought well, but we’re finished. ❞ ❝ the warrior’s mind is quiet but alive, like rustling bamboo. ❞ ❝ i’ve trained with a blade since i could walk. ❞ ❝ the visions...they’re still happening. ❞ ❝ in our world, being intimidating isn’t a bad thing. ❞ ❝ you have a talent. it’s time you use it, for the sake of our land. ❞ ❝ i've tried to teach you all i know...but you act more like a poet than a warrior. ❞ ❝ your path leads to madness and death. ❞ ❝ that’s twice you saved my life. ❞ ❝ these people stay because they believe in you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t choose this life. it was my only option. ❞ ❝ you came at me like i was your mortal enemy. almost broke my arm! ❞ ❝ i could use your help...in the fight ahead. ❞ ❝ you can be a little rough, but you have a good heart. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to kill you, stop! ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? afraid i’ll get more famous than you? ❞ ❝ war brings out who we truly are. ❞ ❝ take care where you place your faith. ❞ ❝ you seem lost in thought. ❞ ❝ i was getting tired of waiting for you. ❞ ❝ without my wisdom, you will lose your soul to madness. ❞ ❝ peace is an unattainable dream...but a dream worth fighting for. ❞ ❝ i’ve killed a thousand men. every death was sweet. ❞ ❝ what is the point of prayer when we are doomed? ❞ ❝ you’re like your father in more ways than you know. ❞ ❝ if you want my respect, earn it. ❞ ❝ and how many wars have you fought? ❞ ❝ you’re quite the butcher with that sword. ❞ ❝ people who sow chaos must be punished. ❞ ❝ i can’t help but wonder if you enjoy the violence. ❞ ❝ i kill only to protect our people. i think about that every time i reach for my sword. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry if my lack of skill offends. ❞ ❝ it’s the first time in days i haven’t felt like i was about to die. ❞ ❝ you fought like an animal...or a demon! ❞ ❝ there’s nothing more painful to me than a perfect bow...ineptly used. ❞ ❝ victory is won by warriors, not weapons. ❞ ❝ i couldn’t leave you to die. ❞ ❝ i made my choices. even knowing what they’ve cost me, i’d make them again. ❞ ❝ when’s the last time you slept or ate? ❞ ❝ you don’t get to give up. this land needs you. ❞ ❝ oh you pretend we are different, but we fight for the same thing. ❞ ❝ there are still places of beauty to remind us of what truly matters. ❞ ❝ true mastery begins where individual ego ends. ❞ ❝ a warrior faces danger with courage and resolve. this is how they endure. ❞ ❝ those stories...they're not entirely true. ❞ ❝ even the youngest warrior needs a full belly and a rested sword-arm. ❞ ❝ bad men are good at hiding their true natures. ❞ ❝ there is nothing left for me here. my hope is lost. ❞ ❝ i did what i had to. for you. ❞ ❝ forgive my manners. i spent all my time alone. ❞ ❝ is that any way to greet a visitor? ❞ ❝ if you continue down this path...you’ll be no better than the enemy. ❞ ❝ i am grateful for the times we share...but, i always want more. ❞ ❝ you lived your life in a castle. it made you soft. ❞ ❝ i used to know what i fought for... ❞ ❝ face them as a warrior with honour. not a monster. ❞ ❝ i don’t take lives, but i am not a coward. ❞ ❝ i wonder if i’ve crossed a line. ❞ ❝ you can’t expect everyone to understand what you’re doing, or why. ❞ ❝ your methods were brutal...impulsive...without honour. ❞ ❝ there’s plenty to fear without worrying about folktales. ❞ ❝ i hope you’ll find peace again soon. ❞ ❝ you do what you need to survive. and yet you despise others for doing the same. ❞ ❝ is that your excuse? your reason to kill? ❞ ❝ we have to keep pushing. even if it costs us our lives. ❞ ❝ cowards without honour deserve no mercy. ❞ ❝ i’ll fight beside you until the end. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, your forgiveness won’t change who i am. ❞ ❝ why should we settle for scraps when we deserve to be legends? ❞ ❝ only cowards strike from the shadows. ❞ ❝ the proud do not endure. the greatest of us fall in the end. ❞ ❝ perhaps some good will come of this. ❞   ❝ you will see nothing but death to the end of your days. ❞ ❝ legacy is more than a name. ❞ ❝ im sorry. i know what it means to lose family. ❞ ❝ one day we'll escape the endless wheel of suffering. ❞ ❝ is that a 'thank you'? ❞ ❝ i know what it means to be hunted. ❞ ❝ you personify fury and regret. ❞ ❝ that's all right. i want to hear you dig your own grave. ❞ ❝ either way, we’ve got nothing to lose. ❞ ❝ i’ve done what i can. the rest is up to you. ❞ ❝ forgive me, but you look fatigued. have you endured much hardship? ❞    ❝ i hope you find true honour in your next life. ❞ ❝ you deserve nothing less than death. ❞ ❝ this is foolish. surrender, and you can live. ❞ ❝ i too have pride in family. and i know what it’s like to live in their shadow. ❞ ❝ you were gone so long, i knew you were in trouble. ❞ ❝ so many of us here owe you our lives. ❞ ❝ what's wrong? what did they do to you? ❞   ❝ you’re lucky to be alive. ❞ ❝ i know your language. your traditions. your beliefs. which village to tame and which to burn. ❞   ❝ i cannot lose you again. ❞   ❝ i don’t seek revenge. but i will fight for peace. ❞   ❝ we will meet again soon. until then...travel safely. ❞   ❝ this is war --- not a test. ❞ ❝ we can save our home together. it doesn’t have to be like this. ❞ ❝ fear is a weapon. don’t let them use it against you. ❞

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Okay so Angsty idea.

Luka gets called to be viperion again to fight an akuma. And sure enough they defeat the akuma but he screws up and lets slip her identity in front of her just as he was handing his miraculous back to her. (Not exactly being the best at lying) he tried to cover up that it was a slip up but Ladybug wasnt buying it.

He covered his mouth. But Marinette/Ladybug was not fooled.

"You knew." She mouthed, her voice barely audible.

Luka had seen Marinette upset, but this look in her eyes was something different.

He looked down.

"Yes. I knew" He confessed.

Ladybug was clutching her yo-yo. The grip looked liked it could crush the signature weapon of the heroine.

"When we fought wishmaker." She stated. She figured it out quickly.

"No one else..."

"You lied to me!" Ladybug shouted.

The musician tried to speak up but stopped as she continued.

"I trusted you to protect my identity and you lied about knowing." Ladybug spoke. "You lied right to my face!"

Luka felt his stomach crinkle every time she said that word.

"I chose you because I thought i could trust you, that if something did go wrong you would tell me! But you broke my trust!" Ladybug stated with her eyes welling up. This was such a betrayal to her. Luka didnt need to listen to her heart to understand that. He knew that he failed her.

"You dont know how much this secret meant... You dont know how dangerous it is..."

"Thats why I didnt mention it."

Ladybug looked at him.

"I could see how stressed you were! You are just a stressed teenager! I didnt want you freaking out over nothing. I said your secret was safe and it is! So is Chat noir's!" Luka answered back. "Yes I hated lying to you but it is what you needed."

Ladybug's earrings blinked and her transformation undone. Marinette's expression changed.... She was even madder.

"You dont know anything of what I need."

Luka matched her gaze.

"Maybe if you let me in earlier we could have..."

Marinette's eyes went wide.

"Are you serious right now?!"

Luka realized too late that now was not the time to talk about their failed relationship.

"I didnt..."

"No no, lets talk about THAT right now." Marinette anger was rising.

Her Kwami tried to intervene.

"Marinette... maybe this isn't the best topic to talk about."

"No, lets get this out of the way now. Lets air it all out." Marinette said as she shoved a macaroon into her kwami's hands for her to eat.

Luka was not prepared for the words to come.

"Our relationship was a mess."

"Yes because of..."

"Not because of the ladybug stuff."

Luka blinked at that. He was not expecting that.

"Oh sure me being Ladybug did cause me run out on our dates, hide that secret from you which resulted in your akumatization and our split. But even if it didnt, we wouldnt have stayed together that much longer."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Luka, I called you adrien on a phone call. I had forgotten about our movie date, Twice! I forgot you and Juleka shared a birthday until Alya changed plans from going to a movie with her to a party on the boat."

"Right because of..."

"I know Adrien's fifth names day."

Luka stopped.

"I could tell you Adrien's schedule for the next week down to the hour."

Marinette calmed down a bit.

"I know because I wanted to know as much as I could about him. I wanted to understand him better then anyone else. I never tried to do that for you. I dont think I ever could."

The words hung in the air for a moment. Luka was reeling from them before getting hit again.

"So me telling you may have delayed the inevitable, out of a sense of devotion, duty, loyalty maybe. But we both know who had my heart. Either you would have broken up with me because I wasnt willing to move on or I would have done it out of guilt. And if that did happen, I would have had solace knowing that you wouldnt have shared my identity out of anger."

The blue haired guitarist understood, the tone of her heart and her words were in complete harmony as she said that.

"But now I have no idea what to think of you!"

Luka felt that comment stab him in the back.

"Marinette..."

"You violated my trust. You destroyed any good memories I had of you! How can I know what you said was true? You claim to value the truth so much yet you lied to my face!"

Each word was another slash at his heart.

"I will find a new snake hero, someone I can trust. Good bye Luka." She turned away and started walking away.

Luka tried to reach out to her.

"Please Marinette... I am sorry."

Marinette stopped. She turned around, looking at him with an ice cold glare.

"If you ever cared about me, dont ever speak to me again and dont every get akumatized."

Luka watched as Marinette transformed and left him on the roof. Alone to process the exchange.

He knew he hated lying for a reason.

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Hell and Back Pt.1

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, drug use, mentions of death/the dead, parental neglect, mentions of selling hard drugs, brief mention of drugging, self deprecating thoughts, near death.

Word Count: 4.5k

Songs: Trouble Dont Last Always- Rev Timothy Wright, Violent- carolesdaughter, Feel Better- Penelope Scott, Kids- Current Joys, Never (feat. O_super)- Mag.Lo, Weary- Solange, Sleepwalk (Remastered 2010) Santo & Johnny, Dark Red- Steve Lacy, Glitter- 070 Shake. 

“‘I wish I could be a religious person. They always seem so happy and carefree. To be able to put that much trust into something or someone. I know you were never religious but your family was. My family isn’t really all that religious but they did always feel like prayer could solve all. I’d been praying my whole life and not one had ever been answered. All my family is a bunch of hypocrites and sinners, but hey hate the sin not the sinner right? Ha yeah right.”

A/N: The part two of this chapter should be out soon and there was only two proof reads sorry for any mistakes. 

Series Masterlist     Previous Part    Next Part

October 13th 

‘Dear Rose, This is stupid, this shit is for white people. Wait let me try again.’

I ripped the paper in half. I was trying to do that thing where you write letters to dead people to help you get over their deaths or whatever. I never had a diary and I felt stupid doing this in the first place so it was definitely hard. 

I was sitting in one of the queen-sized beds of the hotel room with an empty college-ruled notebook. I heard Bri and MJ go down to get breakfast, but I pretended to be asleep, I wasn’t hungry.

I’d already ripped three pages out but, I was going to do this, I started it and I wasn’t gonna back out now. 

‘So I don’t really know why I’m doing this but I miss you, like a lot. I cried last night. For like the first in at least 6 months. I don’t know why I felt that was important, but it was relieving. I’m in the fanciest hotel I’ve ever stayed (legally) at right now. You’d like it. It's just a Marriott but it’s pretty big. I don’t know if I believe in heaven (or a God even), but I truly hope you’re there right now. I know I’m probably not going if it is real. If it is I know you and my mom and everyone else is there and I just don’t want earth to be the last time I saw y’all. I just feel ungrateful because I’m not happy. I’m not happy to be where I am right now. I know I’m better off than almost everyone else in Melrose but I didn’t earn my spot. I lied and cheated my way to where I am. 

I remember that one argument we had. The biggest one back when you first started selling. I had the audacity to get mad at you for just trying to provide for your family. Then became everything I despised. I was trying to look back on the “good days”. Which was depressing because looking back at what we thought were goods days were just days that weren’t terrible. 

At least when you were selling you never lost yourself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I just feel burnt out. 

Yesterday me and Bri were fooling around in the hotel which was fun so I guess that’s good. I’m tryna stick to the positives of my day. Another good thing was that I found one of Jay’s hoodies in my bag . It’s pretty comfortable. I miss him too. I’m trying not to think about all the people I’ve lost because that list could go on for eternity. I might do this again, I don’t know it doesn’t feel so stupid anymore. I’m burning this note though. I know you always said no one lives forever but why’d you have to go so soon, the good ones always do. If there’s truly life after death tell my mom I love her for me and I love you too.

Sincerely Y/N,’

October 14th 9:03am

‘I wish I could be a religious person. They always seem so happy and carefree. To be able to put that much trust into something or someone. I know you were never religious but your family was. My family isn’t really all that religious but they did always feel like prayer could solve all. I’d been praying my whole life and not one had ever been answered. All my family is a bunch of hypocrites and sinners, but hey hate the sin not the sinner right? Ha yeah right.

I remember Ms. Williams with that stupid  “Shoot for the moon and if you miss at least you’ll be among the stars” poster. It was tacky and we were always making fun of it. I never realized how much it bothered me until now though. I’d say I have selective memory if I have any memories at all,  but that poster is seared into my mind. I think it might be because I felt like it was mocking me because she knew goddamn well none of us were making it out this city. Let alone ever getting anywhere near the stars. Now, I was the closest to the stars and out of everyone who could've been here it was me. The person who deserves it the least.

Sincerely Y/N,’

October 14th 8:57pm

‘I think the reason I’m still doing this letter thing is because I don’t wanna stop missing you because missing you was better than feeling nothing. I don’t truly think I do anymore. Which sounds bad, but I just mean I’ve gone through the grieving process which I guess means, it’s time to let you go. I’ve never actually gone through a full grieving process without someone else dying in the middle of it. I read this thing once about people having favorite people or a favorite person and I think that was you for me. It means you basically can’t function without that person and when they're not around it makes your emotions go crazy. I don’t really want to say goodbye cause I miss the feeling of you in my life, but when it comes down to it I don’t remember it much. So I guess this is the final goodbye. 

Love Y/N, ’

  I was getting really fucking tired of Thorn. I was getting tired of Y/N L/N too. Why couldn’t I just exist. I don’t wanna have to be anyone. I just wanna get high and eat fruit snacks damn. but I could never have what I want could I.

I was sitting under some storage containers in a warehouse with all these old white men working on weapons and shit. Waiting for Vulture to come in. He flew into the warehouse I could almost see the anger, radiating off of him before he stepped out of the wings. He looked oddly familiar, if I hadn’t killed off all my brain cells I probably would have made the connection sooner but it got made and that’s all that matters. 

The Vulture was Liz’s dad. 

This is a fact I could and would be using to my advantage. I pulled out my backup phone and snapped a couple pictures of the people around me as a torn up van pulled up. 

A man hopped out and Liz’s dad immediately started yelling at the man about something. He seemed to think it was funny though. Like he was high on adrenaline or something. I caught the words Avengers. Then something about Shocker and getting fired. I’m guessing the Shocker had the same idea as me to tell his family about his business. He picked up the closest weapon and fired it at the man. He instantly crumbled to the floor in ashes. That was nasty as hell. 

Now these weapons are wayyyy more dangerous than I thought. He stormed out after bestowing another man the title of Shocker. Then it was only me and the guy working on some weird weapon left. I walked over to him and knocked him out. Taking the anti gravity gun with me and some shiny thing I thought looked cool I placed a tracker with a camera and mic on the Vulture suit before leaving. 

That was about two weeks ago. Now, here I was, on the back of the truck of some random company following Vulture around like a lost dog. I should be back at the hotel right now, but I’ve never been known to do what I was supposed to. 

He was talking to someone about a plan to steal more fuel for these weapons. 

I was hiding behind a dumpster and I accidentally hit something on my way to leave. 

I know he saw me. 

Fuck.

I didn’t have time to think I was just running and running. I didn’t even realize I was practically hyperventilating until I made it back to the hotel. I didn’t have the key to my room. I must’ve dropped it somewhere. 

I dropped it because I’m a dumb fuckup who’s gonna get herself and everyone else killed because I could never do anything right. I’d be better off dead. 

I knew Bri and MJ were asleep and I didn’t wanna wake them up. I was sitting by the door trying to keep myself from going into a full blown anxiety attack. I pulled the hood of Jay’s hoodie over my head and pulled my legs up to my chest. 

I think I might’ve drifted off for a second because I opened my eyes and Peter was standing over me looking concerned.

“What?” I asked sitting up. 

“It’s just,” He brought his hand up to his forehead in confusion “Why are you on the floor? Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine, what are you doing up?” 

“I was just walking around,” 

That wasn’t a very clear answer. Suspicious. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Your eyes are puffy,” 

“I’m fine, probably just allergies,” He hummed like he didn’t believe my answer. 

“You can go back to your room now,” I added since he was still standing there staring at me. 

“You still never answered my question on why you were sitting out here on the floor,” 

I just ignored him and pulled the hood back over my face. 

He slid down on the floor next to me. 

“I’m not leaving until you answer me,” 

I didn’t feel like talking and honestly? I didn’t want him to leave. 

I turned to face him before saying 

“Looks like you’re gonna be here for a while then,” 

I ended up telling him eventually and he offered to let me stay in his room saying Ned wouldn’t mind. I was too tired to decline the offer. 

“Y/N,” I was awakened by Peter shaking my shoulder. 

“Hmm?” I hummed. 

“You gotta get up,” 

I rolled my eyes and pulled the throw blanket back over my head. I would have flipped over but I probably would’ve fell off the couch.  

“Everyone else is already at breakfast c’mon,” 

He pulled the blanket off of me reeling back when he brushed against my skin. 

“Y/N, you’re burning up,” 

“Mhm hm,” I hummed again turning onto my side. 

“I’m being serious Y/N get up,” 

“Ugh, fine” I exclaimed sitting up. 

“Do you feel sick?” He asked, touching my forehead again.

“I feel fine,” I said pushing his hand away. “Thank you for letting me stay here but, you seriously need to learn to stop being so repetitive,” 

I went downstairs where everyone else was eating breakfast and let MJ and Bri know I was okay. 

Now it’s really fucking stupid to smoke pre-rolls if you don’t want to be drugged but last night when I was watching out for Vulture someone offered them to me. Perks of pretty privilege I guess. MJ was all of my impulse control and she wasn’t with me so I smoked it. 

And when I tell you this shit was strong I mean it was strong. I have a high tolerance when it comes to weed because I smoke a lot but this hit hard. Surprised I wasn’t shaking. Maybe I was. 

Normally you don’t get full body highs from smoking. It’s usually edibles that do that but this wow. Couldn’t tell if this was Indica or Sativa. I thought it was Indica at first but I had too much energy for that. Maybe it was a hybrid if so, that’d explain the fog over my brain. 

I wasn’t thinking clearly I knew I shouldn’t get any closer to Peter than I already was, but I was bored. 

Now we were on top of some middle school jumping the roofs. I'm pretty sure he was only here because he wanted to keep tabs on me since he found me on the verge of a panic attack last night and currently thinks I’m sick. 

“Are you sure this is safe?” He asked.

“Yes it’s safe, don’t be a pussy,” I rolled my eyes “Besides I do it all the time,”

“So you go to D.C and jump to different roofs of a middle school all the time?”

“You know what I meant smartass,” I elbowed him lightly and he laughed. 

I laid on my back and shortly after he joined me. 

“How do they get shirts so soft,” 

“What?”

“I said how do they get shirts so soft,” I sat up. 

“I don’t know probably lots of thr-” 

“C’mon let’s go down there,” I interrupted pointing at the building before hopping down. Running through the mall looking through almost every store I’d spent about $1,000 just shopping for everyone who came to mind. Eventually I walked into Zumiez with Peter trailing behind me. I was looking at the hoodies by the skateboard rack. 

“I always wanted a skateboard as a kid,” He said coming up behind me. 

“Pick one,” I nodded my head towards the rack of decks. “I’ll get it for you,” 

“ I can’t let you do that,” He said. 

“No, I insist,” I laughed at my word choice “That’s a fancy word” I laughed and he laughed too “No but for real, pick a deck and I’ll buy it for you,” He shook his head “I’m not leaving until you do,” I turned his words from the earlier night onto him.

“Fine,” he sighed walking back over to the shelf. 

After picking the rest of the accessories for the board he said. 

“I still have no idea how to ride it,” 

And with me still not thinking I said

“Ok then I’ll teach you,”

We headed back out the mall but not before I got a diamond chain because why the hell not. We were about to get on a train to head back until I interjected. 

“Wait,” I grabbed his arm. “Come with me,” 

“Are you sure this is safe?” He asked as we sat under the bridge that the train runs over. 

I laughed at his nervousness. 

“I do this all the time and I'm still here, aren’t I? Don’t be a pussy,” 

Waiting for the next train coming over I put on a song that's been stuck in my head for a while. Weary by Solange. I didn’t realize I was singing along until he complimented my voice.

“You should sing more often, you have a really nice voice.” 

“Shh” I hushed feeling my heats heating up at the compliment. Soon I felt the train coming “Just live,” 

I leaned back on my elbows and closed my eyes. I guess this was some form of therapy. The rumbling of the tracks traveled through my body. It would’ve been loud but I’ve picked up the ability to block out noises I don’t want to hear on command. After the train passed the sun was already setting. I figure I might as well get food. This would classify as the first real meal I’ve eaten in awhile. I’ve heard of people not being able to eat unless high which I never thought would or could happen to me. Right next to the restaurant we ate at. There was a 7/11. I’m not sure how many people know this but almost every night shift employee at 7/11 is a plug.

“Can you hold my bags real quick?” I asked.

He nodded so I let him know I’d be back quickly and I had to go to the bathroom 

I did not.

The employee I ran into proved my earlier statement.

He had about 10 mg of adderall and some xans. I wasn’t really planning on taking the xans, maybe I’d just sell them. I went back and forth adderall because it’d enhance my brain function instead of actually producing a high. I got two slushies and some other bottled soft 

drinks. 

 I put the key up to the door then slowly opened it. They were on the couch and looked up at me when they heard the door open. If I knew they weren’t gonna be mad at me for just leaving and not telling anyone, I’d actually be happy because Bri was getting along with my friends. 

“So where’d you go?” MJ asked.

“I just went out mom,”  I replied, sitting on the dresser by the door. 

“Well you clearly went shopping,” Bri said. 

“Yeah and?” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry I had a babysitter,” I rolled my eyes again. “You know you can come in right?” I referred to Peter who was still standing by the door.

He moved in, still not moving any farther than the bathroom door. I moved to close the door behind him before sitting on the bed closest to me.

She moved closer to me and looked into my face. 

“Are you high right now?” She asked gazing into my eyes.

“Really?” I asked incredulously “No I’m not, and fuck you, now I’m not gonna give you your shit,” 

“No! I’m sorry,” She said and I rolled my eyes, a smile cracking onto my face “What’d you get me?” She made grabby hands at the bags. 

I handed her the one from Hot Topic. 

“There’s a whole buncha stuff in there but…” I reached into the bag and took out the socks with weed plants on them. “These,” I held them up to her. “These are mine,” 

“Alright weirdo,” she said looking through the bag. I went to go over to MJ but Bri grabbed my arm. 

“Hey where are you getting the money for this?” She asked in a hushed voice.

“Don’t worry about it,” I waved her off. 

I got MJ at least 7 books from a series she was reading and Peter said he had to go back to his room. 

I was watching a movie on Bri’s phone while MJ started reading her book. 

We heard a knock on the door.

I gave Bri a look that said I’ll get it. Then pushed off the bed. It was Liz.

“Hi,” 

“Hey,” 

“Me and some other kids are going to go down to the pool, so we were wondering if you wanna come?” 

“Yeah just gimme a second I’ll be down,” 

I ended up convincing Bri to come with me because I didn’t want it to be awkward. 

It was nice. The pool I mean. There was a slight breeze and pretty much the whole team was there. Minus MJ, Ned, and Peter. 

I didn’t really think about getting my hair wet. People were playing games toward the end of the pool. Bri was halfway in and halfway out on her phone. 

I was floating on my back. It was as if I was drifting down a long river with my eyes closed. The breeze over my body pushing me along. There was a heavy weight on my back that had been building since birth, but the water took a hold of that weight for me. 

I just lied there on my back floating and breathing. 

Things were peaceful at the pool. They however were not back at the room. 

I could not sleep. Believe me I tried. I looked through my bag with “everything” I brought. It wasn’t much since I hadn’t been home in a long time. However I did pack that cart I had in class a while back.

I was scrolling through Tiktok and remembered it was still next to me. I made a tiktok to that one audio with the whistles where you ghost the vapors on each whistle  because I thought it looked cool and I can do whatever I want on my account.

 I don’t know how long it’d be but I finally felt my eyes fall shut for the night.

When I woke up it was weird because I was already at the decathlon. I’d already been working on whatever problem it was that’d we’d gotten, but I didn’t need to because MJ had already gotten us the answer and we’d won. 

I should’ve been more excited. 

 Why wasn’t I excited? 

You couldn’t tell I wasn’t as happy as I made myself seem. I had become quite the little actress over the years and by actress I meant liar, I’m really good at lying. 

I didn’t realize Peter was missing until we’d gotten on the bus to go to the Washington Monument. 

“Hey,” MJ waved her hand in my face “You okay? You’re doing that thing where you scratch your inner arm, and you only do that when somethings on your mind.” 

She placed her hand on mine to stop me 

“So what’s up?” 

“Nothing much like you said just thinking,” 

“About?” 

“Everything,” I didn’t want to tell her what I was really thinking about because things would get real awkward real quick. 

MJ just wouldn't drop it though.

“There’s clearly something bothering you so just tell me what it is you can tell me anything,”

“I just told you,” I sighed. 

“Tell me what you’re really thinking about,” 

“Death,” I looked at her, who looked back at me, “There, you happy with your answer now?” 

“No,” She said and I looked at her knowing it was a look of exasperation. “Who’s death?” She asked.

“Mine,” 

“What about your death?” 

“Just wondering if it’d be painful,” 

“Oh,” 

“Yeah,” 

When we pulled up Bri was standing by MJ, she didn’t want to go into the tower because of it being built by slaves. I understood that I didn’t really want to go either but my feet were moving on their own accord. 

I could’ve fallen asleep right then and there on that elevator. It was if my brain was checking in and out all day. 

I might've. I don’t know. The rip off police officer was saying something but it all sounded like gibberish to me. 

I closed my eyes and leaned on Liz’s shoulder. She patted my head and went back to whatever she was doing. Then there was an audible snap.

Followed by a jerk of the elevator.

My shot open and I looked up at the ceiling and there was a circle of singed metal.

“We’re all gonna die here,” The kid who I believe's name is Abe claimed. 

And for my sake I pretended I didn’t hear him. 

Everyone staring up at the ceiling, another student said.

“We’re freaking screwed,” 

To think I was just thinking about death less than an hour ago and here I was about to taste the sweet kiss of it. 

“I know that was scary, but our safety systems are working,” The police officer said. 

Yeah fucking right that’s what they all say. They just didn’t want us to panic but that’s exactly what I was doing. Panicking. 

“We are very safe in here,” she added. That's what they say seconds before everyone dies. 

The trap door above the elevator opened and everyone began to move again. I could feel the elevator shaking again. No way was I gonna move and risk snapping the cords. 

I was gonna die here. 

Most of the team had gotten out already. Then it was Flash’s turn and he just had to put the fucking trophy up with the rest of everyone. The elevator fell farther as he got out. I wanted to move but I couldn’t. My brain power wasn’t stronger than my muscles. I couldn’t will them to do what I needed them to. 

Something hit the ground above us and the elevator was free falling. 

It stopped second after we were launched to the ground then low and behold Spider-man 

I swear it was like he was stalking me. I’d be kinda freaked out if I didn’t know he was Peter.

When he spoke it was in a very poor accent. 

He was telling Ned not to move because he was shaking the elevator. 

He pulled the metal death box up to the doors and Mr. Harrington, Ned, then Liz got out. 

Spider-man or “Peter” said something but I couldn’t make out what exactly I was still trying to process everything. 

Then the elevator was falling, I reached out towards Spiderman but wasn’t close enough to reach him. 

A web caught my arm but I was still hanging.

Until I wasn’t. My feet were planted on the ground but my brain was moving too fast for me to keep up. 

“Y/N?” My shoulder was being shaken.

“Yeah huh?” I said trying to locate and place an identity to the voice it was Bri. 

“I was asking you if you needed a ride home,” 

Oh yeah she didn't know. 

“Uh I don’t know maybe,” 

“Alright…” She said turning back over to whoever she was talking to this time. 

Since I was the one to almost fall they wanted to check me out in one of the ambulances. 

Which I do not trust at all.

The whole medical field is a giant scam so is insurance, ask MJ she’ll tell you. 

Once we’d gotten back to the school. Everyone’s parents were all freaking out over them and asking if they were okay. Majority of everyone had already left. Peter had his Aunt. MJ had her parents. Ned has his dad. Bri had her dad. Everyone has someone.

Well almost everyone. 

Flash was still waiting too. With Mr. Harrington off in the distance. 

Then there were two 

I moved over and sat down on the curb next to him.  

“You got no one either huh?” I asked.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” Fair enough. The hostility was understandable. I did punch him in the face less than a week ago.  

I kept talking though.

“My dad never picks me up from anything either. “ I didn’t really want him to but he could’ve at least asked while I was still living at that apartment and now he expects me to come back like it’s nothing. 

A car pulled up and some random white guy who was probably a chauffeur picked up Flash. 

Then there was one 

I wanted to go home but I had no home.

I guess I had one home in the cemetery. Everyone I love leaves me. That’s something I learned over the years. It applies to many and the sooner you learn that the easier life will be for you. I hadn’t been back here in the longest. I’d normally just show up and clean the graves of the people who I’d known closely. 

This was embarrassing but sometimes I’d talk to my mom. Today was one of those days I sent. I stayed talking to my mom and Rose so much for stopping the letters which I did for way longer than I thought I would. 

I was already in my old neighborhood and before I knew it I was at my “house”.

I really didn’t mean to come home. I just did before I could stop myself.

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious

[alixanonymous]

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 4: A Plan In Progress

From: DoWhatISay@email.com

To: Marinette.D.C.@email.com

Date: November 3, 2021 5:00 P.M.

Subject: I Accept Your Terms

Dear Ms. Dupain-Cheng,

I do not delude myself into thinking we will be able to magically solve each other’s problems but it does seem as though we both lack certain qualities the other does not. If you’re offering the chance for me to stay where I am, I would be a fool not to take it and I am not a fool. If I can also help fix your unfortunate situation, I will do so. 

Let me know where we go from here.

- Damian W.

From the phone of Marinette Dupain-Cheng:

The Ladyblog 

A Retraction Of An Earlier Article Nov 4 2021 

I’ve decided to take down an earlier article entitled “MDC Stole My Best Friend’s Designs!” following contact from the legal team of Jagged Stone. It was wrong of me to make accusations without proof and I will endeavor to provide evidence to back any claims I make on this blog in the future.

- Alya Cesaire, Creator of the Ladyblog

Chat Name: Aunt Penny

Aunt Penny: Are you sure you don’t want us to pursue any further action Marinette? That statement hardly seemed sincere and was not nearly sufficient considering all she’s claimed. We can help you know.

Me: It’s fine Aunt Penny. Anything else wouldn’t be worth the trouble. It’s not her fault anyway.

Aunt Penny: You know I don’t agree with that but okay, if you’re sure. Just remember the lawsuits have already been drafted.

Aunt Penny: By the way, Jagged’s suit was a real hit at the charity dinner. Not that we ever had a doubt. Have you been thinking about creating a new website?

Me: That’s great to hear. I’ll think about it, okay?

Aunt Penny: That’s good.

Chat Name: Alya

Alya: Girl, I know what you’re thinking but just because I had to post that statement doesn’t mean Lila’s lying. She just can’t release any proof because she wants to do the right thing and keep MDC’s identity a secret. She’s being the bigger person!

Me: She always is.

Alya: Don’t be like that! Please Marinette. Stop letting your jealousy cloud your judgement.

Chat Name: Uncle Jagged

Uncle Jagged: Pens told me that you dont want to sue i get it, lawsuits are totally not rock n’ roll but feeding that liar and her friends to fang is always an option!!!

Me: No, Uncle Jagged.

Uncle Jagged: fine…

Uncle Jagged: i got so much applause for your suit at the stuffy dinner btw.

Uncle Jagged: of course I told them all that my talented young niece made it.

Uncle Jagged: even had a billionaire’s son begging for a referral but dont worry i turned him down for you 

Me: What?! Why?!

Uncle Jagged: trust me, Mari, he was totally not rock n’ roll. not rock n’ roll at all! just rude

Chat Name: Adrien

Adrien: Hey Marinette, did you see the apology on the Ladyblog?

Me: You mean the retraction?

Adrien: Well, yes. 

Adrien: Look, Marinette, you’re not going to do anything else right? She took it down.

Me: She took it down because “she had no proof” not because she knows Lila lied. She’s still convinced even after Jagged’s legal team got involved although we both know the truth.

Adrien: I'm sorry.

Adrien: Even my father feels bad, he knows how much rumors like that could damage an artist’s reputation especially without proof.

Adrien: But he’s still convinced Lila’s someone I need to associate with and if you try to expose her again it’s going to be like every other time and I don’t want things to get worse for you.

Adrien: I’m sorry Mari.

Adrien: I just can’t help you while my father’s still on her side.

Google Search History: 

Gotham Charity Dinner 2021 Photos

Patricide but for uncles

What is it called when someone kills their uncle?

How to know if a friendship is toxic

From:Marinette.D.C.@email.com

To:DoWhatISay@email.com

Date:November 5, 2021  5:05 P.M.

Subject: The Plan

Hey Damian!

Sorry for the delay in responding. I don’t know if you saw but MDC had a bit of a problem to deal with yesterday. So here’s how I see it. Our plan has two parts: the commission for your brothers and then us trying to help each other out with our people problems.

For the commission: You already gave me the measurements which I’m trusting are up to standard since I’m not flying to America any time soon. Next I need to know exactly what you want me to make for each of your brothers: Grayson, Todd, and Drake, the measurements say are their names right? Then I need to know who you think wants a sweater and who wants a jacket and your ideas for the design. I’ll draw up some designs based on the information and send them to you for approval with an estimate of the cost. (Normally I’d also send a non-disclosure agreement beforehand too but considering how this all started I’m guessing you’re not going to give me your real name for the paperwork, are you?) After they’re approved I’ll need you to deposit half the sum in my account (Information attached) and I’ll use it to buy the materials.

If I can get all of this done in the next week or so, it should leave me about a month to finish the pieces before sending them out (An address will not be optional fyi). Sounds good??

For the other part of our plan: the way I could see it going is when one of us has a problem we could use the other person for sort of a different perspective. It’s like in those cartoons when the character has those two little people on their shoulders, do you know what I’m talking about? One’s good, the other’s bad and they’re both telling the person to do different things. Not that you’re bad I mean and not that I just assumed that of the two of us you’d be the bad one…  I’m not saying any of this right. I just mean it like I said before, I could learn a thing or time from someone who isn’t too concerned with pleasing everybody. (I didn’t mean that as an insult by the way. I actually find it kind of admirable.)

So, here’s an example of a situation I could use your opinion on: today I started to wonder if one of my friendships is no longer healthy anymore. I have this friend who is the only other person in our class that knows Lila’s lying. At first he convinced me that her lies weren’t hurting anybody and that as long as we both knew the truth then it didn’t matter what anybody else thought. Eventually, we both realized that that was no longer the case when she almost got me expelled, but by then she had convinced his father that I was a bad influence on him. So now he’s forced to play nice and keep her happy to please his father.

It’s hard because even though I know he knows she’s lying, he can’t tell anyone else so no one believes me when I try to tell them. Now she’s made good on her promise to turn everyone against me and so I have to deal with all her antics by myself while she stands by his side with the rest of the class. I know he’s in a bad position but it still doesn’t make me feel better when he texts me asking if I’m okay after  something happens while at the same time whenever we’re with other people, he keeps his distance so she doesn’t report him to his father.

I guess I’m just tired of trying to make him feel better all the time. However, whenever I think about ending our friendship, I feel guilty because it’s really not his fault. His father wouldn’t hesitate to pull him from school and then we couldn’t be friends anyway. I feel like a good friend would stick by his side. I don’t know. What do you think, Damian? 

I guess that’s just how I see this going then. I rant about whatever I’m having to deal with and you tell me if you agree with how I’m handling it and vice versa. You mention some type of incident with a classmate right? Do you want an outside opinion of that or has your family’s sufficed? Or is there anything else you could use some advice on? I guess we’re just making this up as we go. I mean I suppose there aren’t any rules about relationships that started with one person trying to blackmail the other, right? :P

Hope to hear from you soon! Love,

Marinette

P.S. If this is going to work, you can’t just ignore me when I call you out on being (for lack of a better word) snobbish, Mr. Postscript.

Hello, it’s me again. I just spent like an hour working on chapter nine so my headache’s making itself know again but I wanted to at least post a chapter today. Thank you to anyone who’s been reblogging, liking, or replying to these! It makes the unenjoyable task of reposting worth it! More chapters soon!

Master List

[an-angels-blessing]

Song Prompts #1

“Will nature make a man of me yet?”- The Smiths, This Charming Man

“If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?”- Lynyrd Skynyrd, Free Bird

“When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.”- Hozier, Work Song

“I don’t think that we should be alone together, when we’re in a room you get my eyes, you open your mouth I’m hypnotised”- The Neighbourhood, Single

“She looks as if she’s blowing a kiss at me and suddenly the sky is a scissor”- Arctic Monkeys, That’s where you’re wrong

“You think you want to be alone, just wait until you’re crying on the shower floor”

“They’ve got a pretty face, but they’ve got a pretty empty head.”

“But how the hell do you fall in love, the last time I checked you can’t fall in slow mo”- LANY- The Breakup *There were too many good ones in this song, I couldn’t help myself*

“I know it’s mad, but if I go to hell will you go with me or just leave?” - Panic! At The Disco, Do you know what I’m seeing?

“I don’t know who’s protecting me, but we hit it off”- Drake, Sandra’s Rose

“Do me a favour and break my nose, do me a favour and tell me to go away?”- Arctic monkeys, Do me a favour

“Baby just came back around, said she needs time to explore, said I can’t love her no more”- The Neighbourhood, Baby came home

“Just one mistake, you say you’re not in love no more, but was it really love if you can leave me for something so innocent is this the end?”- LANY, Thick and thin

“You can have Manhattan, I know it’s for the best, I’ll gather up the avenues and leave them on your doorstep. I’ll tiptoe away so you won’t have to say you heard me leave.”

“You can have Manhattan, the one we used to share, the one where we were laughing and drunk on just being there. Hang onto the reverie, could you do that for me?”- Sara Bareilles, Manhattan

“You don’t love me, big fucking deal, I’ll never tell you how I feel.”

“I’ll send my best regards from Hell”- Marina and the Diamonds, Starring Role

“I been writing these songs ‘bout how I can’t be with you. I don’t want to be a monster, but I’ve been here for days, drinking too much now I want you, can’t get you off my brain.”- Henry, Monster, Eng. version

“Change lives, get better, yeah that be the plan”

“That’s why you see me winning, yeah, even after I lose”- Jay Park, Ask bout me

“Love is not looking over shoulders, Love is you should trust what I told you”

“Love is not struggling to say I love you”- 6LACK, Disconnect

“All these people taking miles when you give them an inch, all these followers but who’s gonna follow me until the end?”- Drake, Emotionless

“She’s in the rain, you wanna hurt yourself I’ll stay with you, you wanna make yourself go through that pain, It’s better to be held than holding on,”- The Rose, She’s In The Rain *Absolutely love this one, don’t @ me, I will die for the The Rose**

“Sex by the fire at night”- Bruno Mars, That’s What I Like

“I’ve got the good side of you, sent it out into the blue.”- Troye Sivan, Good Side

“Standing by the window, rain falling, I want to have you full in my embrace and tell you, even when I’m born again and love you, even then, will you be with me?”- KREAM, 선물 Gift *Translated*

“It all passes, Someday, For sure, Certainly”- RM, ft. NELL, everythingoes *Translated*

“Please stay as long as you need, can’t promise that things won’t be broken, but I swear that I will never leave. Please stay forever with me”- Sleeping With Sirens, Scene One- James Dean & Audrey Hepburn

“When you move, I’m put to mind of all that I wanna be, when you move

I could never define all that you are to me”- Hozier, Movement

“Wake up and smell the coffee, is your cup half full or empty?”- Billie Eilish, come out and play

“Am I a bad person? Or am I just in pain?”- DEAN, Sulli, Rad Museum, Dayfly *Translated*

“Kiss me on the lips, a secret just between the two of us, deeply poisoned by the jail of you, I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew the grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway”- BTS, Blood Sweat & Tears *Translated*

“When the sun sets and darkness comes, I only remember your warmth, where the stars wrap around us. I’m going there, I’ll be there”- SEVENTEEN, Highlight *Translated*

“I don’t ever wanna feel like anything I do ever had a fucking resonance or meant a thing to you.”- Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes, I Hate You

“You can’t take this away from me, the way I hit the melody, the waves bring clarity, running through me”- Tom Misch, Del La Soul, It Runs Through Me

“It was a lie when they smiled and said you won’t feel a thing”- My Chemical Romance, Disenchanted

“The fog has lifted and things get clear, all the lies pass by like a reel of film. I hate you”- EXO, 내가 미쳐 (Going Crazy) *Translated*

“I’m sorry- no, I’m not sorry, I’m just getting started and my life’s a party”- DEAN, Eric Bellinger, I’m Not Sorry

“Ain’t it fun, living in the real world?”- Paramore, Ain’t It Fun

“Ready or not, we are coming back- yeah, we’re over, we can tell you ‘bout what you need. You can look it up when you’re older”- Evergreen, Cargo Cult

“You, you got so much potential, every moment spent with you I bet was always eventful”- Aminé, Kehlani, Heebiejeebies- Bonus

“Could you imagine the taste of your lips if we never tried to kiss on the drive to Queens? ‘Cause I imagine the weight of your ribs if you lied between my hips in the backseat”- Halsey, Roman Holiday

“Forever isn’t for everyone, is forever for you?”- Arctic Monkeys, Snap Out Of It

“Wish you good luck being lonely, I’mma push red every time you phone me. You vow to be a memory”- Ella Mai, ft. Ty Dolla $ign, She Don’t

“I’ve been dazed and confused from the day I met you, yeah I lost my head and I’d do it again”- Ruel, Dazed & Confused

“I just want you closer, is that alright? Baby let’s get closer tonight”- Paolo Nutini, Last request

“You have no idea how pretty you are when you wake from sleep, you have no idea how beautiful you look as you get ready for bed”- Zion.T, No Makeup *Translated*

“I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight, baby, ‘cos I can’t get you off my mind”- Shawn Mendes, Lost In Japan

“She’s soothing like the ocean rushing on the sand, she takes care of me, baby, she helps me be a better man. She’s so beautiful, sometimes I stop to close my eyes, she’s exactly what I need”- Jeremy Passion, Lemonade

“And her lips are like the galaxy’s edge and her kiss the colour of a constellation falling into place”- Arctic Monkeys, Arabella

“It’s how you look, not how you feel. A city of glass with no heart”- Queens of the Stone Age, If I Had a Tail

“I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife”- Hozier, Take Me To Church

“Bitter and hardened heart, Oh, aching- waiting for life to start”- Keane, Bend & Break

“When you move I’m put to mind of all that I wanna be, when you move I could never define all that you are to me”- Hozier, Movement

“She said, ‘Baby, I’m afraid to fall in love, 'cause what if it’s not reciprocated?’ I told her, ‘Don’t rush girl, don’t you rush, guess it’s all a game of patience.’”- Pink Sweat$, Honesty

“Share a casket with you, we’ll be buried alive, me and her playing truth ‘til the day we die.”- Granata Ft. Phoniks, You Dont Need Me

“And hope that I had survived yesterday, and today is jealous of tomorrow.”- Emeli Sandé, Breathing Underwater

“Heaven if you sent us down so we could build a playground for the sinners to play as saints, you’d be so proud of what we’ve made.” Stephen, Crossfire

“Tell me how do you cope with it? How do you sleep with yourself at night? How do you cope with it? How do you sleep with yourself at night?”- blackbear, make daddy proud

“If anyone looks perfect, you look perfect next to me.”- Nick Wilson, Obsolete

“When I meet you after time passes, I’ll know (you were my future), I’ll know (I was your yesterday). When I meet you after time passes, I’ll know (you protected me), I’ll know (I desired you).”- SEVENTEEN (Wen Junhui & Xu Minghao), My I *Translated*

“I need my sex n’ drugs, I need my money first, bless me with all my sins.”- Abhi The Nomad, Ft. Harrison Sands & Copper King, Sex ‘n Drugs

“Naked and fallin’ in love, look here I got you. Safe where there’s no one to judge, keep it insightful.”- Keiynan Lonsdale, Preach

“All alone, all we know is haunting me, making it harder to breathe, harder to breathe.”- The Neighbourhood, Leaving Tonight

“Now I see you get off of the subway, haven’t seen you in months but it’s okay. I’d forgotten but I feel the same, hate that I still wish you were…”- Claud, Wish You Were Gay

“A perfect stranger lying next to me, he’s playing God with broken figurines. He keeps calling me his little queen and I believe.”- Jake Wesley Rogers, Little Queen (This song deserves way more recognition, make sure to give it a listen!)

“Hell is so close to Heaven, hell is so close to Heaven. Hold on don’t look back, you know we’re better- we’re better than that. Lost and thrown away, you know we’re better- we’re better than that.”- Sleeping With Sirens, The Strays

“Alone tonight, I’m drawing my dreams across the sky farther than I can imagine- She wants it.”- CIX, Movie Star *Translated*

“Yeah I mixed words and some whiskey on the flight just to make sure I landed on time and I wrote me a song I could sing just in case I forgot everything.”- Marc E. Bassy, Last One I Love

“Don’t ask questions you don’t wanna know, learned my lesson way too long ago.”

“Deadly fever, please don’t ever break, be my reliever 'cause I don’t self medicate”- Billie Eilish, my strange addiction

“And it’s worth it, it’s divine, I have this some of the time.”- Hozier, Cherry Wine

“And I realize you’re mine, Indeed, a fool am I.”- Queens of the Stone Age, No One Knows

“Look in the mirror ‘til I forget everything I know, everything I did was just a way to make the time feel faster.”- Miya Folick, Stock Image

“Do you feel how I feel? Are you numb? Do you tread crystal waters, bound to be stung? Are you scared? If I see you, we’re upon,

will you dye your hair dark so you’re no longer blonde?”- Isaac Dunbar, Cologne

“Tell me; To you I’m bad & hurtful. Because I’ve been busy, you’re hurting. Bad, bad, bad, I’m bad, bad.”- Crush, NAPPA (나빠) *Translated*

“Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of: A. Indifference or B. disinterest to what the critics say.”- Panic! At The Disco, London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines

“‘Cause you don’t say what you feel, I’m the one driving but you take the wheel. You wanna wait, 'til we’re older, I’m the one who started this, but now I just want closure.”- Ieuan, Closure

“Our names carved in the pavement, sealed by what’s left of our handprints, now. I told my mom, she’d love to meet you, but it’s too bad she won’t get the chance to.”- COIN, Malibu 1992

“I’m running outta time to hold you close, running outta time to be your man. I’m just lost in this moment, I’ve been zoning.”- blackbear, 4u

“Standing on your mama’s porch, you told me that you’d wait forever. Oh and when you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never”- Bryan Adams, Summer Of ‘69

“I’ll go out, grow my hair too long, sing your least favourite songs at the top of my lungs. I’ll go out, kiss all of your friends, make a story and pretend it was me who made this end.”- The Vamps, Hair Too Long

“Getting my mind right, I’ll wait 'til the time’s right. I’m meaning to tell you why it’s hard to sleep at night. There’s nothing to fear now, girl, we should be here now. So why don’t you hear me out?”- Jeremy Zucker, Ft. blackbear, talk is overrated

“We haven’t spoke since you went away, comfortable silence is so overrated. Why won’t you ever be the first one to break? Even my phone misses your call, by the way.”- Harry Styles, From the Dining Table

“Look overhead at the stars and the ocean, foggy emotions, moments, erosion. This supernova could cause a commotion, my minds of the notion, you’ll still be my motive”- Ansel Elgort, Supernova

“I love that new dress you bought, yeah, you sure look nice. Heard you liked that new restaurant, you know, I’ve been there twice. And the way that you switch up your hair, all of the moments we’ve shared, strolling the streets back in Rome, oh, how I wish I was there. It ain’t fair.”- Ruel, Face To Face

“Welcome to your life, there’s no turning back. Even while we sleep we will find you acting on your best behaviour, turn your back on mother nature.”- Tear For Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World

“I’m wide awake, not losing any sleep, I picked up every piece and landed on my feet. I’m wide awake, need nothing to complete myself, no.” Katy Perry, Wide Awake

“If you don’t realize, all of the things your life can do you will be left behind, swept up by the storm of those you knew.”- Meltycanon, thankful

“I always knew that we’d be by each other’s side forever, now our time has come and I’d be satisfied if we died together. Yeah, our climate’s fucked, we might as well enjoy the weather, our time is up and I’d be satisfied if we died together.”- Samsa, Anthropocene

“There’s still so much to say, I’m faded, broken, pretending you’re on the line, wasting my time. Sinking deeper, watching you spend your night,

like I’ll be fine and I’ll be over this.”- NYK, Faded

“I’d rather go to hell, than be in purgatory, cut my hair, gag and bore me, pull this pin, let this world explode.”- My Chemical Romance, Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

“I reached for a shooting star, it burned a hole through my hand

Made its way through my heart, had fun in the promised land.”- blink-182, Wishing Well

“Let go of your baggage, but don’t think I don’t understand it’s probably a challenge,”- Isaac Lewis, Fly

“It’s been a long night in New York city, it’s been a long night in Baton Rouge. I don’t remember you looking any better, but then again, I don’t remember you.”- John Mayer, Who Says

Prompts 101-119

[lesbiansforboromir]

Its been too long since I read the books and last time I saw the movies I was on denethor is a dick to my baby, let the man die. However, now I'm curious, since I remembered for instance that in the books he was devastated when he thought faramir died and your last reblog about that made me rethink my whole stance. Could you give me more positive denethor moments, or do I have to read the books again?

God I- I need so much for you all to understand how much I love asks like this, for PURELY selfish reasons, I just LOVE the idea of people like... doing what I do! Which is think about lotr and it’s characters and consider them in new angles and have fun with that! I feel connection and love in this chili’s tonight- ANYWAY. 

To be clear, Denethor is one of my favourite characters, like JUST below Boromir in how much I love him and how furious I am with his portrayal in the films. I have a tag for him here that has a lot of good posts all about it. But positive moments for Denethor, yes ok! Lets start with my favourite quote from Denethor because it completely encompasses his- literally his ENTIRE book character;

In what is left, let all who fight the Enemy in their fashion be at one, and keep hope while they may, and after hope still the hardihood to die free.

Do you feel all the love and pride in his people and all the folk of middle earth who’re resisting this seemingly impossible threat? Even unto their inevitable end? Do you see the inherent belief that this is an unwinnable war, and yet how Denethor has remained Gondor’s greatest and most stalwart defender for all these years? GOD I do- ‘dying free’ is a VERY important sentiment that also puts a lot of his later, seemingly ‘mad’, actions into a much more understandable light. BUT I WILL TRY to not make this too much of a dissertation, god willing. SO! Onto Pippin’s swearing!

'Little service, no doubt, will so great a lord of Men think to find in a hobbit, a halfling from the northern Shire; yet such as it is, I will offer it, in payment of my debt.' Twitching aside his grey cloak, Pippin drew forth his small sword and laid it at Denethor's feet. 

A pale smile, like a gleam of cold sun on a winter's evening, passed over the old man's face; but he bent his head and held out his hand, laying the shards of the horn aside. 'Give me the weapon!' he said. Pippin lifted it and presented the hilt to him. 'Whence came this?' said Denethor. 'Many, many years lie on it. Surely this is a blade wrought by our own kindred in the North in the deep past?' 

'It came out of the mounds that lie on the borders of my country,' said Pippin. 'But only evil wights dwell there now, and I will not willingly tell more of them.' 

'I see that strange tales are woven about you,' said Denethor, 'and once again it is shown that looks may belie the man – or the halfling. I accept your service. For you are not daunted by words; and you have courteous speech, strange though the sound of it may be to us in the South. And we shall have need of all folk of courtesy, be they great or small, in the days to come.’

The film really had no idea what to do with Pippin offering his service to Denethor as- well essentially an acknowledgement and an honouring of Boromir’s sacrifice for him. Because the Denethor in the film would have scorned it, but it’s an important plot point, so it’s just kinda in there awkwardly and uncomfortably. This is because Denethor genuinely appreciates Pippin’s gesture, his son died for this hobbit! But Pippin is fervent and honest and Denethor can tell! Denethor is grateful, he empathises! These are not traits film!denethor possessed, so we get the.... tomato... scene.... BUT ONWARDS, I consider this a positive scene, simply because Denethor and Gandalf’s rivalry in the books is just so much FUNNIER and interesting than in the films;

'And you, my Lord Mithrandir, shall come too, as and when you will. None shall hinder your coming to me at any time, save only in my brief hours of sleep. Let your wrath at an old man's folly run off and then return to my comfort!' 

'Folly?' said Gandalf. 'Nay, my lord, when you are a dotard you will die. You can use even your grief as a cloak. Do you think that I do not understand your purpose in questioning for an hour one who knows the least, while I sit by?' 

'If you understand it, then be content,' returned Denethor. 'Pride would be folly that disdained help and counsel at need; but you deal out such gifts according to your own designs. Yet the Lord of Gondor is not to be made the tool of other men's purposes, however worthy. And to him there is no purpose higher in the world as it now stands than the good of Gondor; and the rule of Gondor, my lord, is mine and no other man's, unless the king should come again.'

LIKE. IT’S FUNNY! Essentially Denethor’s like ‘oh ho I’m just an auld man dont be angry with me Gandy’ and Gandalf’s like ‘Denethor when you are ENFEEBLED by age you will DIE out of spite alone’ and Denethor’s like ‘OH FINE if you want to be that way, but you’re bloody annoying to deal with and I don’t TRUST you wholly so DEAL with it,’ And again we get Denethor’s like whole deal! Gondor is what he is here to defend! It’s his entire purpose in life! He doesn’t trust that Gandalf’s not going to use him for his own ends to the detriment of Gondor itself, which Gandalf LITERALLY admits he’d do in the next paragraph. Because he says ‘he’s the steward of everything, not just gondor’ which on the one hand is like, yeah, we get that, but you can understand Denethor’s perspective too. WHICH IS. GOOD CHARACTERISATION FOLKS!

'[Osgiliath] was 'It was a city,' said Beregond, 'the chief city of Gondor, of which this was only a fortress. For that is the ruin of Osgiliath on either side of Anduin, which our enemies took and burned long ago. Yet we won it back in the days of the youth of Denethor: not to dwell in, but to hold as an outpost, and to rebuild the bridge for the passage of our arms.a city,' said Beregond, 'the chief city of Gondor, of which this was only a fortress. For that is the ruin of Osgiliath on either side of Anduin, which our enemies took and burned long ago. Yet we won it back in the days of the youth of Denethor: not to dwell in, but to hold as an outpost, and to rebuild the bridge for the passage of our arms.’

This is just like a little thing but I think it’s just kinda important to emphasise that Denethor wasn’t just a politician, he bled heavily for Gondor’s safety too and the retaking of Osgiliath was an incredibly important victory that Denethor achieved for Gondor’s safety as a whole. Anyway SPEAKING of the tomato scene- god this really does entirely emphasise the difference between Film!Denethor and Book!Denethor;

‘Can you sing?' 

Yes,' said Pippin. 'Well, yes, well enough for my own people. But we have no songs fit for great halls and evil times, lord. We seldom sing of anything more terrible than wind or rain. And most of my songs are about things that make us laugh; or about food and drink, of course.' 

'And why should such songs be unfit for my halls, or for such hours as these? We who have lived long under the Shadow may surely listen to echoes from a land untroubled by it? Then we may feel that our vigil was not fruitless, though it may have been thankless.'

In the end Pipping doesn’t sing for him but like?? Look SEE LIKE. It’s not MEAN, Denethor is in general sardonic and kinda harsh and frustrating in tone but he’s not dismissive or uncharitable or heartless; he’s interested, he likes TALKING to Pippin, he likes to hear about the world! Songs about food and drink and weather are fine! Of course they have merit!

'Not – the Dark Lord?' cried Pippin, forgetting his place in his terror. Denethor laughed bitterly. 'Nay, not yet, Master Peregrin! He will not come save only to triumph over me when all is won. He uses others as his weapons. So do all great lords, if they are wise, Master Halfling. Or why should I sit here in my tower and think, and watch, and wait, spending even my sons? For I can still wield a brand.'

Do you hEAR the bitterness in these lines? How he has to SIT here and WAIT as he sends his loved ones to die- but he has too, he HAS to do this, it’s not new, he’s been sending his sons to their probably deaths for years, and god he wishes he could be a reckless man and just ride out himself again but there IS no one to step into his place if he should be lost and Gondor just can’t take that! IT’S cOMPELLING. And so... now we’ll end on the part you mentioned, which really is like... AGONISING, it’s heartbreaking, especially after Denethor’s manners and character up until this point, sharp, sardonic, dauntless, uncowed by ever new loss, every new defeat, Boromir’s death even did not crack him completely but now-

And as [Pippin] watched, it seemed to him that Denethor grew old before his eyes, as if something had snapped in his proud will, and his stern mind was overthrown. Grief maybe had wrought it, and remorse. He saw tears on that once tearless face, more unbearable than wrath. 

'Do not weep, lord,' he stammered. 'Perhaps he will get well. Have you asked Gandalf?' 

'Comfort me not with wizards!' said Denethor. 'The fool's hope has failed. The Enemy has found it, and now his power waxes; he sees our very thoughts, and all we do is ruinous. 

'I sent my son forth, unthanked, unblessed, out into needless peril, and here he lies with poison in his veins. Nay, nay, whatever may now betide in war, my line too is ending, even the House of the Stewards has failed. Mean folk shall rule the last remnant of the Kings of Men, lurking in the hills until all are hounded out.'

 Men came to the door crying for the Lord of the City. 'Nay, I will not come down,' he said. 'I must stay beside my son. He might still speak before the end. But that is near. Follow whom you will, even the Grey Fool, though his hope has failed. Here I stay.' 

I’ll NEVER forgive the appropriation of the ‘my line is ending’ line, he doesn’t MEAN that he’s grieving the loss of his lineage, he’s grieving the loss of his WHOLE COUNTRY, of his people! As well as his son! And in this final moment with him his priorities of heart surface, where his people are banging desperately at his door, begging for their Lord to come to their aide, he refuses, because Faramir is far more important to him in this moment. 

I said I wasn’t going to make this a dissertation but WHATEVER, there you are anon, hope it’s what you wanted than thANK YOU AGAIN for the ask :)

[chatnoirismycinnamonroll]

Only Human: Akuma! Marinette AU (part 3)

Disclaimer: I dont own, and never will I even come close to owning, either Miraculous or Christina Perri's song Only Human.

Tikki raced through the now silent hallways towards her chosen's classroom. She had been trapped in Marinette's purse, held down by the mist, and was only just able to get out. Like everybody else in the school, she had been able to see everything Only Human had shown her classmates. She felt her pain, her sorrow, her anxiety and stress at having to pretend that everything was fine when it wasnt.

Tikki sighed. She knew she shouldn't have held Marinette back from telling someone her identity for so long. All of that accumulated stress had been bound to be released sometime. And boy, what a release it was. Plagg must be so happy at the destruction she knew Marinette had left in her wake.

But, honestly, Tikki couldnt blame her. The way Marinette's "friends" had cornered her chosen in the bathroom had left Tikki piping mad, and if she ever saw them again, identity or not, Tikki was going to give them a piece of her mind. Anyone who thought Plagg was hell to live with had nothing on an angry Tikki. He may be the god of destruction and bad luck, but she was the goddess of creation and luck. You piss her off, and you might just get a new hole in your along with having your good luck run out.

Whoever said cats were the protective ones were highly mistaken.

Marinette sighed. She kept her eyes on the butterfly until she could no longer see it. She didnt want to face her classmates right now, especially since she could remember everything she had done as an akuma. She could remember making Lila bite her own tongue hard enough to bleed. She could remember lifting her and Alya up and slamming them into the ground. She could remember every image she made them see, every memory that she knew would make them feel guilty for treating her the way they had. And she didnt feel any better for it. She had hurt Chat Noir. She had blasted him into the wall with enough force to leave him dazed, when all he was trying to do was help her.

She also knew that she had had no control of herself. She had unwillingly let Hawkmoth push himself past her grief and into her mind. He had used her memories as leverage over her classmates, her....

She couldnt exactly call them friends now, could she? Not really. She looked up at them, seeing Rose and Mylene help Alix out from under a bookshelf and pull her towards Lila, who was still bleeding from her mouth and staring at Marinette with a frightened but hateful stare. Alya was sobbing and Nino was co.forting her, and Marinette's heart gave a lurch as they didnt approach her to see if she was okay, like she did with them after they got akumatized.

She forced herself to look away, forced herself to stand up and ignore their frightened gasps. She couldnt focus on them at the moment. She had to find Tikki so she could reverse her damage, and then she could head home and hopefully nobody would question why Ladybug got there late-

And suddenly there was a red kwami snuggling up to her cheek. She was standing at the front of the classroom, covered in dust and bruises, her hands cut and burnt a little from the struggle of tearing her own akumatized item, her classmates staging her, and her kwami was nuzzling her cheek and crying tears of relief.

"Tikki? Um..."

"Oh, Marinette, you're alright! I was so worried! I tried to prevent the akuma from getting to you, but I failed. I'm so sorry, Marinette. I was supposed to protect you, and you got akumatized anyway." Tikki lamented, tears leaking out of her big blue eyes as she stared up at her sweet, strong, beautiful chosen.

Marinette smiled, accepting that Tikki was giving her identity away because she was obviously going to say something important. "It's alright, Tikki. It wasnt your fault I got akumatized, it was Hawkmoth's. I remember everything, unfortunately, but I do remember that I never said the words. I never accepted his offer of akumatization. He forced his akuma onto me, Tikki. You tried to save me, but he was the one who took advantage of my emotions. Dont ever blame yourself for this, Tikki." Marinette held Tikki in her hands and kissed her forehead, nuzzling the cute being with her nose, getting a giggle out of her.

"You're the best kwami I could ever ask for."

"So it is a kwami."

Marinette looked up, finally acknowledging the others. Chat stood in front of her, staring down at her with several emotions in his eyes. She couldnt tell which was stronger at the moment. She could see the wheels turning in his head, and she knew the instant it clicked for him.

"You.... you're...!"

"A KWAMI? How did you get a kwami, Marinette? You're a superhero? And you never told me?" Alya said, her tears dying down as her eyes narrowed in astonishment and disbelief.

Marinette gulped, not exactly ready to face her classmates just yet. "I... um.. I...."

"She had no reason to tell you, Alya Cesaire. You should know all too well why that is."

Everyone stared down at the little red kwami, who had a serious look on her face that looked oddly intimidating for such a small creature.

Chat gulped, but kept his eyes on Marinette's as he shakingly whispered, "My Lady?" His anger towards his classmates rose further when Marinette nodded tensely, her arms folded and head bowed in a clear, protective manner. Oh, it was on. That did it. The entire class was gonna get a new one ripped into them. Nobody hurt his Lady, especially if she was also his Princess.

He glared at the class and stepped forward, ready to yell at them when a tiny red hand stopped him.

"Dont. You take care of Marinette. I'll take care of her so called friends." Tikki said, her blue eyes glinting dangerously. Chat nodded, turning to head towards Marinette, but his transformation suddenly dropping stopped him in his tracks. Everyone gasped as Adrie. was revealed, and they snapped out of whatever stupor they were in and began to yell, demanding answers from both him and Marinette.

He felt cornered and overwhelmed as they began to doubt him. How could he, Adrien Agreste, possibly be Chat Noir? They were nothing alike! Why didnt he tell them? Was this the only secret he kept from them? Did Marinette know? Why were they keeping secrets? What else did they have to hide?

He backed up until he felt a hand slipping into his, and Marinette looked up at him with reassuring bluebell eyes. He relaxed immediately. How could he not see his lady in her? He should have realized it the moment he called her his everyday Ladybug. He knew there was a reason he was so attracted to Marinette. There was a reason why Ladybug's rare flailings and nervousness so often struck him as familiar and adorable. Now that he thought about it, there wasnt anybody else who could possibly be Ladybug.

He held her hand tightly as the noise got louder and their classmates slowly came out from under the rubble to yell more things at them, and just when he thought he couldnt take it anymore-

"SILENCE!"

Everybody froze. They stared at the glowing red kwami as her eyes flashed with anger. "How dare you all demand answers from her after what you've done to her?! Marinette is not some toy you can just drop once shes no longer of use to you. Shes not some servant you can call upon whenever you want something. She's not some emotionless robot who you can order around and expect her to follow orders without any single input or objection. Shes a human being, just like you! So sit down, shut up, and show her the respect she deserves for having put up with you all for so long or so help me I'll make sure none of you ever have a good day ever again."

The silence that followed was deafening. Everybody slowly sat down amongst the rubble and stared fearfully at the tiny goddess.

The silence was broken by a cackle, and the little black kwami that had come out of Adrien's ring slowly floated his way towards his other half.

"Oh, oh, sugar cube, you're gonna make me split in two. I cant wait to hear what sorts of things you need to say to these ungrateful morons." His laughing suddenly stopped, and he looked at the class with narrowed eyes, his black form a almost a shadow, the only things visible on him were the two glowing green slits of his eyes. "I too would like to see them properly punished for almost destroying Paris by literally akumatizing the only other person who keeps them safe on a daily basis. So if you need a little bad luck on your side, dont hesitate to call me up, sweet cheeks."

Tikki smiled at him, before her eyes turned serious again and she glared at the girls. "First of all, I'd like to say I am very disappointed in all of you. You had no right to just turn your backs on Marinette, especially after everything she has done for you without complaint. I cant believe one little girl's lies are enough to fool you, and they weren't even GOOD lies!!"

Tikki's little antenna began to sway in her anger. "Max!" He jumped, his glasses slightly skipping from his nose. "You're supposed to be the smartest boy in the school. Tell me, how was a rolled up, thin, paper napkin going to gouge your eye out when 1) it was rolled up into a tight ball, 2) headed towards Lila's hand, which was level with your stomach, and 3) your eyes were safely covered by your glasses? Tell me, how?"

Max looked down in shame, having figured that out at some time during the attack. Tikki shook her head and moved onto the next person. "Alya. You've called yourself Marinette's best friend, but you sure didnt act like it at all today. Best friends have each others backs. They trust each other and always listen to each other. This isn't the first time you've disregarded Marinette's words and facts as nothing but jealousy. Not only that, but you chose your boyfriend over your best friend. You didnt protest moving Marinette out of a chair she worked so hard to keep all year, and you didnt even give her the benefit of the doubt when she tried to warn you about Lila's lies."

Tikki began to slowly vibrate in her anger, a low buzz filling the room.

"And then, you have the audacity to te her to show you proof of Lila's lies when you yourself have no proof that what Lila is saying is true. You could have fact checked with Ladybug about being Lila's friend. You could have asked Marinette to ask Jagged Stone if he ever had a kitten. You could have looked up half the things Lila has said on Google and figured out that NONE OF THEM WERE TRUE. And then- and then-!"

Tikki stopped talking as her body glowed to a deep angry red, the black.of her spots looking more like the dark, empty void of space than the sweet, adorable, chocolate chip looking spots Marinette often told her they looked like.

"Sugar Cube?"

"And then, you dared tell her that she was wrong to be angry. That she was wrong to have treated Lila so "mean" when she hadn't been mean at all. You told her it was wrong of her to question Lila and then dared demand her to apologize before then telling her to keep away from you until she did. You ditched your best friend for a new girl, a stranger, with outlandish and interesting stories. I guess Marinette was wrong to have trusted you the way she did, didnt she, little fox?"

Alya reeled back, her eyes back to streaming tears. "I'm sor-"

"Dont. You haven't thought about your actions. Not really. You're not completely sorry, so dont apologize just yet."

Alya quieted down, her sobs silently shaking her frame as she leant against Nino, her thoughts finally calm enough for her to properly analyze them.

Tikki moved on, glaring at the other girls. "And you all. Mylene, Rose, Alix. Marinette has been nothing but kind to you. She has helped every single one of you with something personal. With something important. Both as herself and as Ladybug. And the one moment she makes a mistake, you make her out to be a monster. You, Mylene, know that Marinette wouldn't do anything out of jealousy, especially not after what she did with Kagami and Adrien." Mylene hung her head in shame.

"Rose, you called Marinette the everyday Ladybug, but you had no right to detract your words in such a way. Ladybug makes mistakes too, and you basically told Marinette that since Ladybug is perfect, Marinette couldn't be Ladybug because she wasn't perfect. You faulted her for feeling betrayed and insulted and for showing her emotions. And you had absolutely no right to do that." Rose let a few tears fall as she remembered her uncharacteristic behaviour.

Alix looked at the kwami in shame, knowing what Tikki was going to say. "Alix, dont you ever call Marinette selfish again. And dont ever fault her if she decides to act selfishly for once. I honestly think she can afford to be just a little more selfish sometimes, especially to get the boy of her dreams."

Tikki was back to her normal hue, and her anger turned to disappointment. "You all were pretty despicable today. I could not believe this behaviour from you. I expect much better from all of you."

The class hung their heads, all except Lila. Tikki stared at Lila blankly before moving back towards Marinette.

"Wait, what about Lila?" Adrien protested. He stood up and glared at the little liar. "Shes been spreading lies about both Marinette and herself all day. Shes the reason why everyone is mad at My Lady in the first place. Shouldn't she be lectured and punished as well?"

Tikki stopped her advance towards Marinette. She styled floating in the air for several seconds, before turning back and smiling at Adrien. Adrien instinctively stepped back from that smile.

"Don't worry, Adrien. Lila's been cursed since before I entered the room." Her smile switched from Adrien towards Lila, who stared back with frightened eyes. "I'm very protective of my Ladybugs."

@drarrylover007 @mindfulmagics

[problematiq]

@reneetaleenaisnotvicious it’s just a place full of assholes.

in the last couple of weeks, i had to explain to them why you can’t use the n-word when you’re not black, thinking it was common knowledge, only to be met with “well, it’s not universally agreed upon” (like, no shit, of course white people won’t agree that they can’t use it and since when does every single person have to agree that something is wrong in order for it to be wrong?) and “saying i can’t say the n-word is reverse racism”, causing me to dig into 2012 discourse on how reverse racism isn’t real.

people will defend the actions of every single human being billie joe has ever had contact with. the allegations of the former (jewish) employer against kat von d about her writing an antisemitic note to him are dismissed as “just a cry for attention from an unhappy employee” even though experts have concluded that it was 99% her handwriting - but yeah, kat von d never said she wrote it, so it must just be fake, since we all know and trust her??

in the discussion over billie’s collaboration with morrissey, people have defended that dude at every turn so they could feel better about their collaboration and completely dismissed everyone who showed concern or disappointment with it. i’m not gonna list everything morrissey has done and i’m not gonna debate it with anyone anymore since i’ve seriously had it up to here with that topic, but the gist of it is that morrissey is a racist UKIP supporter who said that “chinese people are a subspecies”. people have routinely and adamantly attempted to downplay the racism and rationalize his fucked up behavior, saying “well maybe billie just didn’t know about what he did, why should you research everything your collab partner has done” which turned to “morrissey not a racist, he’s just a dumb idiot with no influence who wants attention” which turned into “he’s not even a ukip supporter” which turned into “well actually ukip / nigel farage aren’t even xenophobic if you think about it”. then, a user on the forum who is half-chinese voiced her disappointment in the forum for defending that scumbag tooth and nail and said she was done with the forum and wouldn’t visit anymore. people backpedaled a bit but still tried to tell her that it’s “not really that bad” and “there are worse forms of racism you should focus on” like lmfao really? so that’s when i said “you know what fuck y’all” and left the forum too and with that, the green day fandom really because i am sick and tired of people worshipping the ground billie walks on like fucking catholics, incapable of criticising him or admitting any flaws or mistakes.

for some reason i decided to join the discord server for the old gdc people who used the chat a lot because i thought, maybe i don’t have to cut contact to everyone and can still enjoy talking to people about my favorite band?? and for a while we had fun and i really liked them.

so on april 1st, they announced that the forum would be shut down forever by the end of the week because it was too much work and too expensive to continue keeping it up or whatever. of course only gullible people believed it and nobody else really took it seriously while the mod team desperately tried to convince everyone that it was not an april fools joke like “omgz i’m so sad” and “i dont understand why everyone would think THIS IS A JOKE wow i am so UPSET” and it was ridiculous really because they tried so hard with the joke and nobody bought it.

so then someone posted the link to the discord server in the forum so more and more people joined and i was like “oh” because suddenly every person i hated on the forum and who was the reason I left gdc in the first place joined the discord server, even the gdc mods (who can all suck a fucking dick). those people don’t like me either so it already felt restricting to post there and i was getting pissed that i joined there first and then they all came and forced me to communicate with them again. and i’m serious, i’m fucking done with that place and i want nothing to do with these people either.

then on april 2nd (AFTER april fools) the site was down but some people still didn’t believe it was gone forever because WHY WOULD THEY? that april fools joke was a fucking pathetic attempt to upset the community who loved the forum, and they were salty nobody gave a shit so they had to take extreme measures. i would’ve been happy to believe it and see the forum fucking rot but other people who had found friends and loved the community were genuinely upset about this (one person even started a gofundme).

then, some minor mod joined the discord and complained about us “talking shit” about the mods because it was all the admin’s fault and he gave us some bullshit story about how he was angry with him too, that the admin had given the mods a chance to back up their shit before they closed or even gave them an opportunity to take over the forum but nobody wanted to blah blah blah and some shit about green day’s management wanting to restrict the forum because people were talking about their private lives or that they had planned a dookie tour but it was cancelled because of trés baby or some shit??? whatever. and i believed it because he was convincing and not someone who usually lies and trolls people but who put in a lot of work into the media section and would have been upset if it were gone, so i was actually sorta understanding towards him.

then a couple of hours later the site was back online, the admin made some stupid joke about “lololool i’m a mastermind you can go fuck yourselves i’m so happy with myself!111!!”, they made a social media post about it having just been an april fools joke while directly quoting something i said on the discord server, and that one unimportant mod who lied to us and some other dumbass mod i’ve always hated posted on the discord that they “had a lot of fun lying to us” and how fucking hilarious our reactions were or whatever and how good it was to see how many people cared about gdc like???

and i was fucking mad because I HAD LEFT THAT PLACE!!!!! i had literally left that place and they come to the place i kinda found refuge hin after leaving that shithole (a place i actually liked being on and where i had fun to communicate with the other members and could actually see myself staying and maybe not leaving the fandom entirely), infiltrate it with their fucking presence and make it my fucking business what happened to GDC, lie to me and everyone and laugh to themselves about the things i said or how they had fooled us. so they ruined everything for me again just so they could have a laugh and i’m not kidding when i say i hate every single fucking person who keeps this dumpsterfire running with a passion. and what’s almost more frustrating is how every single person who was mad at them for the joke now runs back to them like “oh wow that was a mean joke but now i’m just happy i can be back, i’m ready to put this behind me” lmfao.

i don’t give a shit about the forum, I. LEFT. i want nothing to do with them, i don’t want them around me, i don’t want them to talk to me or about me. i want them to ignore my fucking existence and leave me THE FUCK alone. and now i can’t even visit the discord anymore because they don’t even have the fucking decency to leave the server after their bullshit stunt. so thanks for fucking nothing you absolute dumbass fucking dick-eating pieces of horseshit.

[fearlessandfreespirited]

To the one following me, from afar

      You still follow me daily. Not physically but mentally. You have scarred me, altered my mental state. As I will always walk with your shadow.      There are so many things to say to you if i went back to day one. Many things i would say, that i was too afraid of saying before. Things i know would anger you, and make you want to hurt me. There are so many things, That i could spit twards you. I'll say this.       I'll forgive you.      I hated myself everyday, our whole time together. I admit i didnt fall in love with you. I fell in love with the release. It was all a distraction from the emotional wreckage i carried with me the day we met. I was hurt by a short term issue, and you were nothing more than a therapist. At least you told me you were.      I had low self esteem, to which you groped. You saw my distress, and you used that weakness to mold me into someone i now look back, and have absolutely no love for.       See the thing is, somehow you made me think you loved me, You had me fooled. You used kind words to gain from my weakened heart. Lied from the begining. Gave me a facade that you were a therapist. Made me believe i needed you. Because you numbed my pain with your false security. You spoke words that covered the other half of my heart. Used a tounge of gold and words of love, that i was missing in that one moment.        I made the mistake of listening to your altering words from the day we met. I trusted your lies. You made me jump into an illusion of what i wanted. I dont understand how i was sheepish enough to let you instantly flip my pain. Leaving me dispensing it at the person i longed for the most. How could i be so easily turned against the only person i needed. I had made mistakes but he had not been one. How could i let words change me. You made me think he didnt even want me? You fucked up my head. I thought i was stronger. You twisted me into feeling a new hurt, by someone who wasn't even there to hurt me. You rewired my mind with words and illusions. You re-crafted the mind of the woman you had in your clutch. Yet you left me still feeling i wasn't good enough?      You've kept me up, and continue to keep me up at night. You caused my utter disgust twards life itself... My utter hatred twards that weak minded fool, that walked in on that awful day. I blamed myself for your actions. But no such blame exists anymore. I was weak, and i allowed you to change my views. I never deserved the pain you delivered. No person, deserves the actions you have shown twards me.  We fought so much, and severely. You've pushed me through windows. You've beat me with fists. You've cut me with kitchen knives. You have tossed me around like i was nothing. Acttacking for my disobedience twards your sexist visions. Do you still hear me screaming for you to "please, stop" over and over again until my lungs burned. You got upset at any sign of me being my own person. We never talked about what was wrong. When i tried to talk about what was wrong, you hurt me. You lie, so much. You've lied to me, to everyone. When your'e asked why i left you, does it feel less haunting by making yourself the victim? I foolishly fell for the “it wont happen again”s your “im sorry baby”s the “I'm getting help”s.            All of it; And still.        I will forgive you.       There is no hope in hatred twards you. Hating only harms me, i cant hate that you created who i became. I can never undo you not stopping after i asked you too. The bruises have healed, but my bones still crack. Although i can never get back the things you stole from me, I still choose to be the bigger person.       Because of you, I now know what i want, What i need, And what i deserve; not only from a partner, but from anyone within my life.        Because of you i remember what it was like before you, I remember that love. I now know to not tolerate those that make me feel worthless.        You taught me what; Narcissism, Severe anger, Compulsive lying, Mental and Physical abuse, Manipulation, Abandonment, Paranoia, Controlling, and Mental destruction; looks, and feels like.      Ive gained the beautiful freedom from your hypnotic tounge. I am a lot of things because of you're actions, and my decisions. I am not forgiving you because anything you did to me was ever okay. I choose to forgive you because you shown me what love, is not.       And No, its not giving you credit for the upbringing, that your sneaking downward pull, broke me to choose. I am just stating that i have choosen to forgive you, for you brought me down so far into a mental captivity; That I am forced to climb back up from. I admit to myself that i had allowed myself to hurt.  I could have left quicker. I made that choice. ME.               I gathered the strength, and courage to help myself. I did that. I made the change that finally ended my suffering. All by acknowledging you were no good for me. You are not better than me Sir, you are cowardly. I own up to the reality that everyone make mistakes, even me.       For your momma, you are in a very hard spot. I respect, and care for your safety and health. I have personally seen the fear he placed in your eyes. He puts you in a position i felt stuck in, like a deer in headlights. It's worse for you, are his mother. You recieve disrespect through his actions to women, to other people and his blatant lack of shame or remorse.      I stood up for myself;   Yes, physically. i was left fearing my own life. I never intended to harm anyone. Even in fighting back i put his well being before mine. I felt i deserved the pain. Because i let his words bring me to where i was. I tore a heart full of love for no fucking reason. So I did not retaliate until i felt he was hurting me to much for me to handle. For the better, i stood up by leaving. I wish it was as simple as leaving him for you. He feeds off of you, and has caused your health to deteriorate. He would be lost without you, for he can not care for himself. Yet he runs your life. I sincerely hope you find peace. Before you lose all strength. He is slowly killing you. Please dont look down apon me, for standing up and saving myself. But, for him...       I will forgive you for my newfound anxiety issues, My Night terrors, My lack of trust, My fear of men, My scars, The avoidable broken hearts and the death of my old self; into a woman who thinks about what the next person will do to her.        I'll forgive you for making me believe that your gift of my never ending fear, constant paranoia and self hate was love. I have forgiven you. Sincerely, Katt

[thecathasaids]

i feel so annoying constantly talking about dillon on here but i dont wanna bother people about him so i say things on here bc it’s like talking into the void and i want to scream out things about him all the time. like yesterday he was kind of tipsy/headed towards drunk and he was just gushing his feelings for me and saying how perfect i am and how hes so in love with me and im like wow nfodkod im still not over someone being so head over heels in love with me like ... i didnt think that was possible? i can talk to him about everything and he trusts me so much and i trust/love him so much and god damn im not gonna feel sad this year or any other year for now on because i have someone i see and talk to every day that loves me and constantly validates me because he knows i have a history of not feeling loved. i just love that he listens to me and loves me and tells me im sexy/pretty/hot/cute (sometimes says that all at once) tells me he wants to be together forever and i believe him because this fool had a crush on me when i had braces and was super mean to him. i just feel like my heart is so incredibly full and i dont feel as sad as i used to be. like i truly didnt understand what love was before? my parents hate each other: they scream at each other almost every day; they sleep in separate beds, etc. they’ve been like this since I was born so I never knew what love was growing up. my first boyfriend in high school (lol @ the time dillon had a crush on me) never really showed me any love or affection. and i thought a boy that broke my heart every single day for several years loved me. i thought that whatever we had was love. i thought he cared about me but i was too bad at showing any emotions and that was the reason it drifted us apart but god i was so wrong. he lied to me constantly and only talked to me when it was conveinent for him. everything about love and how i viewed it changed once i met dillon again. i NEVER thought i was worth any sort of happiness because i’m not very good at expressing myself or showing feelings and such but hes changed me so much. i genuinely feel like a better/different person now because of him god im so lucky. i feel so grateful. i never thought this would ever happen to me.

[thoughtcock]

Post breakup reflection

1. What was my role in the demise of this relationship?

Many times, he has expressed to me that I am not fulfilling his needs enough and that he’s way more giving than I am in the relationship. 

For example, he expects sex at least 3-4 times a week, and uses sex as a way to destress himself. For me, working full time with irregular schedules makes it pretty difficult for that to commit to this much sexy time. Plus, when I’m stressed, sex is the last thing I would think of. As such, I felt guilty and pressured whenever I can’t seem to satisfy him physically. It’s like I’m expected to still give a blowjob and whatever after a long, hectic and possibly even traumatising day at work. During the whole period of dating I felt like I partially lost interest in sex. Not just because of work stress, but I’m sure he played a role in making me feel like this as well. As a result, sometimes our times in bed can feel "boring” or I just seem to feel pain/discomfort from sex. To him, being unable to satisfy him made him feel upset, and he would be meaner to me as a result. Honestly, 1-2 times a week is more than enough for me, but sometimes he made me feel like I never tried, and that hurts but I guess that disinterest has caused the downfall. He said so much hurtful things to me in retrospect, and I can’t believe I just took in everything he said and thought we could work this out again.

He thinks I’m too passive and quiet, always being unable to speak my mind and engage in deep conversations with him. But again, I always felt like I am trying my best, its just I’’m so tired from work and I physically just dont have the energy to keep having deep philosophical conversations over and over again. Sometimes I would just like my downtime to be chill, making dumb jokes and just doing mindless stuff together. I would admit that it can be difficult for me to speak my mind at times, but I really really really did try my best to open up as best as I can. I am not sure how else I can be open already to be honest. And the more he demands that from me, the more emotionally tiring it is for me. Because I really am not sure where I have gone wrong in that regard, but I just know what I’m not doing enough to him has caused the downfaill of our relationship.

The nature of my job has also caused a lot of friction between us as well. There were times where I would unreasonably make him translate a lot of sound bites for me, lots of last minute OT days that left him waiting for me, lots of anxiety on my end that he can’t seem to help me with. In all honesty, he has never been that respectful to my job, and questioned my skills as a reporter. But for me, I just wished he couldnt understand why I felt like this and just be there for me (without making fun of me) when things got tough. It is my fault to an extent because I sometimes cannot control my emotional outbursts during work and that work always seems to throw me a curveball and that I am constantly seeking help from him. 

It fucking sucks but I guess its really our needs clashing against each other, and it feels so fucked up to admit that I let myself be treated like that and I question myself if I will ever be enough. 

2. What can I do differently in my next relationship?

Writing this out made me realise that all these demises are really out of my control. But I know there’s some aspects of myself that i can change. I agree that I’m a passive and less giving person, in which I swore to myself that I would change when we patched back again. I guess it was too late because you broke my heart really soon after that. 

I would do so much differently. I would never ever let myself feel small, belittled or get fucked over by a man again. I would find someone who can compliment my lifestyle and needs, and vice versa. I would find someone who makes me believe that I am enough, that I don’t have to fight so hard just to maintain the relationship. I would be more guarded, as I now realise that even the most unexpecting of people can do horrible things like cheating, but not too guarded that I lose my ability to be vulnerable and have trust issues with the guy (I should never feel like i have trust issues if I’m with someone who truly loves me). I would never settle for men who are not willing to commit, or second guess their commitments halfway through the relationship. I will never be with someone who has cheated, or are still in contact with their toxic exes. I would not be with someone overly religious. I would never be with someone who pressures me for more sex.

As for myself, I want to be more giving to the person who is deserving of it. I want us to plan for our goals and future together. I want to be more communicative even when the times are tough. I want to shower him with more loving words, little handmade gifts, acts of service to show that I’m thinking of him more. I want to be more appreciative of their presence and love, never to take them for granted. I want to spend more quality time with him, while doing my best to balance my work well and not unload shit on him too much. 

3. Have I been realistic in my expectations?

I realised that by being attached to someone, I tend to let my expectations go down without even realising, as I think my needs are not as important for now. For example, I would prefer to rent a house together and have a chat on how we can align our life goals together, our financial goals. If marriage is on the line, sure I am open to it. I would prefer to have pets over children anyday as well. I am also willing to move out to anywhere, like a bonnie and clyde do or die moment together. Our lives didn’t have to be stable exactly, I just needed a stable person that can do life with me even with all the crazy unexpected adventures ahead.

In hindsight, my ex was suddenly unwilling to do all of that with me. He gave me excuses like him still finding a job and not thinking of the future, and later just outrightly admitted that he didn’t want a lifestyle like that. And here I was, being naive enough to accept his words, thinking that we can talk about this again in the future, when his career is more stable bla bla bla. And in the end, that caused us to break up.

I would say at my age, my expectations are pretty reasonable, its everything a long-term couple would have to face eventually. It just too bad I’ve been dating people who seem to have commitment issues or “cannot give me what I want”. But what I want is pretty ordinary in any healthy relationship,.........

4. Would I date me?

I would say yes, I think knowing myself, I am a more fun person who can live a life free of guilty conscience. I am not exactly a morally bad person I think? I think I am a mentally strong person despite all of life shits thrown at me, and I am a committed person once I think I am the person for me. Just look at me in my previous relationships, trying to stick by the people I thought who loved me until they told me they couldn’t. Also, my looks ain’t that bad if I take care of myself well

Of course, there’s some aspects of me that may not be dateable. For example, I’m messy, disorganised, overly emotional at times. I may be passive at times as well. I am not exactly the kindest person as well, I take more than I give. Oh well, no one is perfect right?

5. Who was he really?

Wow... a miserable, narcissistic, cynical and all round horrible person. I might be biased because he cheated of me and broke my heart, but I really never expected him to be this heartless. To be asking me “Why are you so upset since its not your fault”?/?? Like hello are you dense or stupid or just fucking ruthless? I am upset and heartbroken because I LOVED YOU. Yes, you warned me this is the kind of person you were, but yet I am so dumb to love you and accepted your flaws. I thought my love was enough for you. Oh well, at least when the next person tells me that, I would gladly fuck off next time, because who knows when they will use that against me. Thank you for showing your true colors again and again. I think I was just blinded because I accepted the fucked up person as you are. Fuck you, you miserable shithead and for telling me all these lies at the start of our relationship. fuck you for rushing into this, and pressuring me to date and have sex with you even though I had my reservations and I would have taken things slow. Fuck, typing this out just made me realise how much I gave in to you. And that makes me sad because I comprimised so many of my beliefs just to get together with you. You really did make me feel like a fool in the end, fuck you. 

6. What is my limiting belief?

Living in this city can be such a lonely thing. When I was single, I let myself do situationships and FWBs and hook-ups, but all these just served to make me feel empty in the end. I thought I could be happy on my own, but thinking about it now, I had the help of many passing men in my life to distract things. Now that I’m not about that lifestyle anymore, it really does make me feel small and empty and lonely here. I guess my limiting belief would be that no matter how hard I try to want to be okay with being alone, I am still scared that I would actually end up alone, even though being alone may not be such a bad thing.

My limiting belief is also that I think I might never be able to find someone who 100% compliments me. Idk why that scares me so much and its such a sad thought, which is why I tend to settle and comprimise for people who may not be so good to me. Will I be able to find someone that aligns with my life goals, while being able to understand and connect to me? Whoever you are, I hope I can find you someday. 

7. What are my plans for me?

It does seem tempting to jump back to dating apps in hopes to find someone again, but I know that is not going to help in the long run. I guess i have to use the next couple of months to really re-evaluate my life and what I want next. Perhaps it is to focus on my career while learning how to manage the hectic-ness that comes ahead, and to form healthy habits like exercise and regular therapy to improve on my well-being. I also want to take the time to connect with my friends and meet new ones again, they have been so helpful to me, being there for me at my worst when I felt like this pain was just too much to bear. I realise now I do have a very good group of friends, and I want to be there for them even if I get into another relationship.

It kinda sucks having to go through this process of breakup again, not going to lie, but I want to take the time to have a clean slate of mind before jumping back to the dating game. and this time, I am not playing any games or taking shit from people who don’t matter. I want to learn how to respect myself enough to walk away from shitty people and situations, I want to learn how to protect my heart better, I want to be a better person for me. I want to love myself more so I can eventually love someone else just as much as I love me. And if that someone never comes? I want to learn to truly accept being on my own. I thought I had that nailed down previously but I guess some lessons need to be re-learnt again. 

If time goes well, I should be able to date again in a few months. I dont really think I have to take many months again to see if Im ok with a relationship again. Because I know its something I want to pursue at this point, and this process may take a long time anyway. So in the meantime, I will just learn how to take everything with a pinch of salt while I put myself out there again.

I am proud of myself for trying to take the healthy way out and trying to heal healthily from this, even though this path feels so lonely at times. But I have to do it for me...

[rescueonefinancialnet]

The Right Thing......07/02/2021

Going through the motions like I've always wanted, but isnt what I needed. What I needed was someone to stand by me like how I need to stand by them. I read a qoute somewhere...

"Discipline isnt what you need right now...Discipline is about patience and what you need later."

Decisions that I've been making has soley been based off of the hype of life. I refused to believe myself whenever I looked in the mirror thinking that it was you that was my safe haven. As time progresses on...me trying to figure out who I am versus who I've been for these last several years.

You may think that I've been putting on a mask so then you could turn into my direction...but I wonder...what is it that you see when you look at me? A sheep in wolves clothing? A someone who is trying to help by any means necessary for the greater good.

Let me spill out all the things that we have been thinking because I am tired being the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. I dont want to be like your ex boyfriend. No matter how much your unconcluded emotions about him still lingers inside of you.

You try to find the right thing like we all do...something that either upholds "truth" and "message" above the self lies that we tell ourselves. Please dont get this confused monkey that the reasons why I love you isnt because of the attention, fortune or fame. I love you because I see right through the very mask that you have worked so hard to build. You dance as if you dont have a single care in the world.

Setting all your ducks in a row...you say that song, music and dance is your life. My love...what happens when a day comes when everybody scatters like roaches? When I am still standing on the very same dance floor that you pretend and refuse to act like you dont see me...

I know that the people close to you...recognizes that you see me and that I see you...and yet everyone around is pretends with a fake smiling hoping that I will eventually walk away. I dont want to be the one to tell you, but what if...the loved ones in your life are no longer at the point of protecting you? What if at this point...they have grown so fond of the "protection" it's literally became an invisible prison?

I see the way you look at your loved ones with such glee. But, what is that you see when you look at the mirror to your own reflection? Are you still smiling then? Does what you aee go beyond the physicality of your own displeasure? By all means, you are God's master piece. The source of all things has made you just the way you are...so when you tell the universe to "keep smiling"...you are essentially speaking to yourself...

Eventually, one day when you said it to yourself enough...you'll actually believe yourself? I operate pretty much the same way...what's the point to build self indulgence if at the end of all this...is nothing but death and destruction? Is there ever really a light at the end of the tunnel...or a we the answer that we have been looking for?

I dont know what you have been through, but what you have shared openly about. But, what I know is no matter how much you are addicted to the pain and sex of it...you mirrored images that "hate" into something else. Your outward expression in your drawings...or writing? Your songs?

While crowds of millions cheer over your broken heart...the greenlight never seems to satisfy what you hide so dearly...why hired security gaurds and the ones that "protect" you. Only want to keep you in check. Trust me...listening to other people tell me what is best for me...

I learned to defy the universes plea bargain as if...settling down to others games...as they roll the dice on each others lives. Very sad indeed...for every birthday...every wish that you make...hoping for some kind of "freedom".

You weren't running away from a dark past...you were running away from yourself...hoping that one day...if the "old" you comes back...that you can finally face whatevers coming to you head on.

Beyond all the traveling...hugs...hand shakes...materials...money...laughter...tears and anger. What matters the most to YOU at the end of the day?

Well hopefully doing the right thing could probably help, right? Who says that giving food to a homeless person versus the money that they could have to get a new high isnt actually what these people needed?

Camera shot after camera shot...we all could lose what we "have" tomorrow...is this life just a sick little game? We live in a small world...a lot smaller than we all think...We are either just big boned or hard headed to think that each and everyone of us are the center of the universe.

That each and everyone of us are destined for greatness...buy a home...get married.. have kids...go bankrupt because someone says out of no where that we owe them money...lose the house then become put into a massive amount of debt for our families to only pay for a half assed funeral...

Dont mean to be the pessimist in the situation but the brighter side to all this is love. I truely do think in the midst of the greatest evil...only love can overcome evil. I have it tattood on my arm in your template.

Whether if this is a crazed obsession like that I had when I was a teenager with my first girlfriend or the fact that I asked you out after seeing you the second time in years...may seem a little to hastey...but from one introvert to another...what are we fighting for? Why are giving this silent war its propaganda?

Who are we trying to impress or fool here? Everyone else or ourselves?

So, long story short...who says what is right or what is considered to be the wrong decision? Am I trying to hard to show you that we are made for each other? Or am I once again speaking crazy?

Neither here nor there...i really do hope one day...we can have at least ONE sit down...and just communicate with each other...because being near you and never getting to speak to you is killing me. While everyone else around me is testing me...as if I am some kind of spy that is trying to ruin your whole operation..when really everyone else is trying to give you reasons to stay away from what you really need...a space for your sanity.

Very Respectfully,

Neek0😞

More debt relief tips at ROF review

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 7 - "Jodi is doing the absolute MOST" ~Colin

Yasssssssss PERIODT!!!! Merge!!!!! Whooooooo

I just want the former fools to spill the tea to me lmao that's all

I made it to merge finally and I feel like I'm doing really good at talking to people. I would have to say that my favorite people right now are Collin, Jared, Amy, Jodi, Ginny and Brayden!! Those are the people I'm feeling like I could trust a lot going foward. I've gotten some sus news about Jay claiming for an alliance that didn't include me in it. So I'm not really trusting that boy right now. But of course I will continue to pretend I do. And Elle is super nice but our convorsations don't really contain much game talk and I really never know where her head is at because she's not the most active. She's more in this thing for the challenges which I can respect BUT ALSO SHES GOOD AT THEM. I think Elle is worried that people percieve her as someone who is good at challenges but it's true. I'm not about to let her win challenges all the way to the final tribal council. She is lowkey my target even though I literally love and adore her. And I met Jodi today and she is so cool and easy to talk to so maybe we will work together too! But I've gotten gossip that Jodi thinks I'm "connected." So I don't really know what that means? I could be a threat to her socially so I might not keep her the closest. 

wow we made merge. i'm not shocked to get to this point, but I am shocked to see that Danny was voted out. That is a major blow to my game he literally needed to survive one (1) more fucking round ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But the show must go on right? Merge was overwhelming like a flood of people coming in. Some I knew some I didn't but based on my perspective here is my initial analysis of these gorls: Jodi- Finalllllllllly we back baby. Now that Danny is gone, Jodi moved herself up to my number 1 spot. I trust her I really do and I'm glad that we're back together I think that we can run this game together. However, I am withholding information from her. I wanted to tell her about only one idol, but I didn't even though we video chatted and I strongly considered telling her like I think I can trust her but at the same time it was almost like she was trying to pull some info out of me? idk i said that if i ever play the game of survivor i would never tell anyone about my idol and i'm just gonna ride with my gut. But we caught up and we are thinkin a lot of the same stuff. I feel like she's just like me, where she wants me to believe shes giving me 100% trust but shes really giving me 95% the same way I am. I still have my eye on her but she is my ideal person to ride this game with. It's just gonna be a problem when I need an ally to play something with and I'm gonna have to do major damage control. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Amy- Girlllll idk how I feel about u anymore. Don't play the fakey fakey nicey nicey game with me you cannot bullshit the bullshit artist rn. She's working with others and trying to play the game where shes just nice to everyone and in everyones good graces. no. Jodi and i see you girllll we watchinnnnnn youuuu I don't think she fully wants to work with ginny but shes potentially tight with others too. I believe she has my back to some extent, but i know shes dipping her hand into a lot of pots. Babs- the only person i did not talk to. Colin- I know he's close with Jay so i made nice with him. Jodi informed me that hes tight with her too and I said perf bc he's tight with Jay so that is the formation of the group. Jay- Same stuff. meh. Jared- My king luv u xoxo we haven't talked too too much but I don't think we need to. You get spot number 2 my love. Also he told me about an alliance hes making with i think amy brayden anastasia and him which is good also confirms more that amy is very ugh. Brayden- Meh Ginny- Meh but also literally reached out to me and was like "i'm working with amy and anastasia and i know elle we wanna make a huge merge majority if u wanna join" LIKE WTFFFFFFF EFHIUDEHUDFBFHIUFE like u can't make this stuff up why would u tell me this????? All Ginny has done during this premerge is just reveal to me that shes actually smarter than shes making herself out to be, and it clicks now that she did not really need to connect much with us BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HAD HER PEOPLE THAT SHE WAS WAITING TO GET TO AT MERGE LIKE OMGGG the tribe placements Elle- Now miss elle.... turns out you do have a lot of connections here. And you're smart. interestingggggggggg. You are a problem for me. Anastasia- you are a problem for me already. i see you talking to everyone being all nice and shit like yes i get it youre supposed to be making connections and blah blah blah but not like this youre going about it wrong. And now I know you already have a group that you'd prioritize over me miss thing. Watchin you too. Josh- Glad he survived and I think he's riding with me. Back on original phantoms I told Jodi that I didn't speak to him when in fact josh and I were like alliance yas. I fear that he may have told Jodi that him and I were close and maybe thats where she's starting to get a bit shaky with me. But I know the two of them stuck together with an alliance of Collin Jodi and Josh. Butttt jared did tell me that josh was like i wanna work with u and he could probs be saying that to everyone yas i think i got everyone. So Jodi wants to go for ginny but I wanna go for anastasia. The tricky thing is there are soooo many advantages out there that if you say the wrong thing to someone it'll bite you in the ass unexpectedly and I am reallyyyyy not trying to get blindsided with two fucking idols in my pocket. So I want to get a group together that I proposed to jodi and jared separately which would be me, jodi, jared, jay, colin, josh. I don't think these people would run their mouths about who we voting out just to prevent an advantage from being played. I want to essentially force that group of elle brayden anastasia ginny amy(?) on the bottom but also in my good graces at face value. I think once the merge hit and even talking to jodi and jared the air is different and I feel like everyone is running around making alliances. I feel like jared and jodi even have a different air about them almost like the gears are finally starting to turn. i still gotta trust them and i think i can. It's just not gonna be cute when i start whipping out idols and theyre gonna be like wtf you fucking lied dennis. but again, will cross that bridge when i get there. gonna spend the next two days just chit chatting and being nice to these people. ginny is on the hit list, and i'm glad jodi is being very forward with it because shes just making herself a target.

https://youtu.be/nrrkbecwYCQ

~

https://youtu.be/QRILHU966Y8

WE MERGEDDDD✨ while I was at work rip me 😅 but it's fine I'm idk if I've talked to everyone yet I was kinda busy but anyone who reached out first I did 😂😂 I do wanna talk to Babs she seems great and I haven't yet and I should try to get to know all of the new ppl from the other tribes I haven't met, Jodi reached out anddddd I can't remember if anyone else I didn't already know talked to me 😂 but yeah! 🎶Merge, baby merge, ✨disco inferno✨

https://youtu.be/gAKFLe75uDY update; the alliance is really awkward and turned into like a how i met ur mother fan group HAHAH

https://youtu.be/lp4KXh7xb4M

The phantoms tribe is all in one piece that’s perfect especially when I got Anastasia and Elle on my side as well we are gonna dominate this season whoooooooi

Day two of merge: https://youtube.com/shorts/OvofAokuBtM?feature=share

It was kinda a slow day. I talked with elle for a while today but no game talk. same with anastasia and they wanna make a russians alliance but like this is post-ironic. anastasia cannot run around making alliances with people like its obviously not real? BUT i realized that anastasia is doing this. elle is linked to anastasia. brayden has a linkage there (whos also playing dumb with me like i see right through dis boy). ginny is associated too. amy is involved. i know jared has a fake alliance with them and josh is floating around somewhere too. i may be the only one in here not making a million alliances except like babs lol but the point is i dont need any of those groupings and alliances. let them make groupchats. let thm do whatever because they will all fall apart except the elle/anastasia and co group which has allegiance that goes beyond this game. i just need to essentially stay in the good graces of the people i wanna vote out. because literally most of them are essentially double/triple dipping and people are already on edge and paranoid so like all i need to do is just buy a tiny bit of time, hope that the little tiny seeds that have been growing for a day now sprout in the coming days, and groups and alliances crumble apart. like i didnt do anything wrong for making any move when it comes down it bc essentially nobody wants to involve me? so essentially just painting the picture of being the friendly outsider casting votes until they all realize they cant trust each other. but i trust jared and jay rn and they will help me get through this. jodi also numba 1 buttttttt ughhhhhhhhhhhh i was thinking like okay if people are saying ginny then what is ginny saying? what are ginnys allies saying (if she even has true ones) like my logic would be that the other person receiving votes may be jodi. shes quite vocal and out there and like shes digging herself a grave every day but im not gonna stop her from digging? like if word goes to ginny that ginny may be getting votes and ginny asks who started this shit? it'll probably fall back on jodi. i fear she might not last much longer if she is on the vote because that'll get her in peoples minds. anywho yeah, the important things are that i have a good connection with jared jay and jodi, and i love that i got to jared before any of these other ppl. like theyre all coming to him with stuff and hes just bringing the info back to me. maybe he tells me half truths but nonetheless its something. if we just figure out where votes are going we figure out what to do from within and if i ever pick up on weird vibe changes and shit becomes different based on how they act with me i will whip out one or maybe even two idols teehee. so yeah plan rn, be chill and friendly BUT NOT OVERDO IT LIKE SOME PEOPLE, bank on the fact that there are lots of cracks in some of these groups, and just make sure the vote does not fall on me. :)

MERGE IS INSANE! From a tribe of 6 to 5 to 4 to now 12, it's a lot to keep up with. I'm glad Phantoms stayed afloat and we own 1/2 the merge, but there's a lot going on. Within a day, I created/got added to several alliances, so here's the breakdown (BTW, I CAME UP WITH THE ALLIANCE NAMES AND THEMES. CREDIT TO ME): 1) jodi's lovers – me, Jay, & Jared; this is my F3, this is my alliance. I will go into detail about my history with Jared later, but Jay was in my last org but we never got to play together due to never being swapped together and not making merge. Jay & Jared were swapped together, aligned, then realized I was a commonality so we decided to do a solid 3. This is where my true loyalty lies. All my info from other alliances and conversations are directed here. 2) 21 gang – me, Colin, & Jay; Colin and Jay were tightest on OG S.E.E.S, and Colin and I were tightest on new S.E.E.S. This came together naturally due to that, as well as me and Jay feeling good about playing together. 3) the krusty krab – me, Josh, Colin, & Jay; this is an extension of 21 gang, to pull in Josh as ours and nobody else's. He let out that he knew Danny so now that he's gone, Josh's best option is to stick to me and Colin, and as a result, Jay. This next vote will truly test that he's with us and not any secret alliance with the other side, but I am pretty certain he wouldn't blow up his game with the three of us to save who we're voting out. 4) how i met your mother – me, Amy, Anastasia, Jared, Brayden, Colin; originally they left Colin out but I fought to keep him so that he's in a big alliance and doesn't feel like a side piece, because he isn't. My loyalty is with him and Jared over the rest of them. Having 3/6 on my side is also good because as far as they know, I don't know Jared or Anastasia. This alliance is clearly not really one to stick together, but at the minimum, it's creating fun conversation and personal connections, as well as subconsciously leaving names out of peoples' mouths. That's honestly the only reason why I'm here, as I'm certain that the Stings kids have their separate alliance. ONE ON ONE ALLIANCES: 1. JAY & JARED are truly both my #1s. I'm going with them to the end, even though I'm 99% sure Jared beats both of us for being a Denise, winning advantages, surviving that cursed Fools tribe. 2. Colin honestly would be my tightest person here if not for Jay & Jared being upfront about just running to the end together. Colin essentially is my #1 from new S.E.E.S, and he even told me about his Safety Without Power. I trust him so much, but I cannot trust him over jodi's lovers because he does know Anastasia and Elle and Amy and whoever else. However, he's not my absolute #1 not because I don't trust him, I just trust jodi's lovers more. 3. Dennis – this is a key relationship that I have maintained. I connected with Dennis in hour 1 of the game, but honestly I struggle with trusting him because he is just so paranoid all the time about votes, advantages, alliances, etc. He got freaked out by Amy because she messaged everyone on OG Phantom, like what? We only had 6 people. But I genuinely think he relies on me because he thinks I'm not connected to Stings alumni with him. But he does love to stir up paranoia and try to plant seeds and doubts. We need his vote for the time being, but jodi's lovers agree that he's too paranoid to keep in the long term. And he would flip. 4. Babs/Josh – these two I've just maintained relationships from the swapped tribe and it has paid off because they are numbers coming into the merge. 5. Amy – ah, my OG #1. Girl, I still see you as my #1 occasionally but you've freaked me out with your Ginny and Anastasia alliance, as well as the subtle unwillingness to get rid of Ginny. If it was genuinely just to keep OG Phantom numbers, I understand and I'm sorry for the paranoia, but hopefully you see why that was never gonna be a concern – I had Colin, Jay and Jared (& honestly Babs too) locked down, who are much more willing to play this game with me than Ginny ever did. I love you though and I hope we can get back to #1 status within the next couple rounds. THE KIDS WILL PICK EACH OTHER OVER US. I'll share my story with Jared as well as our Merge boot plan in the next confessional(s). 

~

The Story of me and Jared Lai. I was going to film this (still might) but my phone is out of storage. But here is the (not so) juicy story of me and Jared. He and I were both competitive badminton players when we were younger. He lived in Seattle, while I lived in Vancouver; in 2013, I met him at a badminton tournament because his club came up to play. I don't distinctly recall what the instant spark was, but we met that once and maybe had half a conversation. Of course, me being 13, thought he was a cutie and word got out, I guess he found out. I had maybe spoken to him once in person at the time, so he's probably really freaked out that some girl he's barely met has this huge crush on him. So I ended up literally never talking to him for years, because it just was awkward. Fast forward to recently, he started noticing that I was posting some Survivor stuff on my finsta (which he's followed since I made it like 7 years ago?) and realized I was a Survivor fan. I posted about my application for Metaverse (something about the flirt game I wanted to play) on my finsta and he asked me what it was, so I hesitantly sent him the link and he signed up. In all honesty, I didn't mention this earlier because I was dreading being put together or swapped together, because I really was not ready for the level of socializing with him that this game requires just yet. We ended up not being together until merge, where we finally decided to just talk. We called, and realized you know what, lets just play the game together because no matter how awkward it felt, we did have a connection that could be valuable in the game. That's how I realized he connected with Jay and formed the jodi's lovers alliance. It is worth noting that he never thought I was cute back. It was very one way. That is why I feel awkward and was slightly hesitant whether he'd play with me or use it as a reason to get rid of me early. But I think we're good. Maybe we'll play a BvW ORG soon or the real thing. 

While i like elle and anastasia, i’m forming a new majority (i pray to GOD i am) with Jodi, Jared, Josh, Colin, and hopefully we have dennis and amy...i don’t know where this game is going, i genuinely like everyone in this game but ginny. And it’s not like i DISLIKE ginny, I just don’t know anything about her. I have a good relationship with most people here, i just hope i’m not shot in the crossfire tonight at tribal. 

Well my former tribemate Ginny is terrible at communication. I’ve heard from several other players that they have received very cold or short responses when attempting to reach out to Ginny so it makes them an easy first target. I’ve also found out that apparently Ginny, Elle & Anastasia are besties irl so that must be broken up immediately. 

Finally created the renegades alliance it’s going to be huge nobody would expect it whatsoever 

GINNY YOU CANT NOT TALK TO ME ALL MERGE THEN HIT ME UP AND MAKE A GROUP WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR NAME 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHQhqd5cz-Y&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn&index=13 hey guys who here like amy winehouse say I

AHHH MERGE HAPPENED okay so I have no idea where to even begin. I'm just gonna ramble as usual. ITS so weird going from talking to 3 other people to now having to talk to 11 its the first merge round and I already have 3 new alliances One with Jodi + josh + Jay One with just Jodi + jay and one majority one with Brayden + Anastasia + Amy + Jared + jodi after Amy won immunity, shit hit the fan. Jodi is doing the absolute MOST. for some reason she's still on her rampage against Ginny. I don't know what their beef even is. but sis is doing the absolute most to get her out the natural move this round is to vote out Babs. Their name came out immediately because they're inactive still and haven't added some people back yet even. it's crazy. However, I'm out with friends last night and meanwhile Jodi is arranging an entire blindside and counting me as a number for it. like GIRL WHAT. I love her and she's my #1 but I can't put my own game in jeopardy for her chaotic plans. It would honestly be actually very easy to vote out Ginny instead but the way she's going about it makes it more chaotic than it needs to be My main thing is I dont wanna burn bridges. I feel very close to Anastasia and Amy and I don't want to lie to them. Brayden and Jared and Elle are people I would love to work with, but I can't start that off with a blindside. I understand there's a lot of powers and advantages in the game, but it's first merge vote. so now that I'm able to talk to everyone and take initiative, I'm taking it in my hands and trying to get it to be unanimous on ginny. that way Jodi gets her way, she doesn't spiral, she knows I'm still on her side, and I don't have to draw a line in the sand so definitively. i have no idea how this is gonna play out but we'll see how it goes!!

Jay told me Anastasia told him Ginny was the only vote for her at her last FTC. Girl, you’re literally proving why we need to get rid of her. I love you but she’ll never vote for me or work with me and my alliance. Sorry :/ 

teehee almost two hours till tribal. hate all of these people. voting out ginny. brayden is sussing me out he claims to be throwing a vote on babs so we'll see who else is putting a vote on babs. anastasia makes an "alliance" but doesnt talk to me about the vote lol anyway im just gonna chill and lurk in the shadows for a bit and just find cracks. just need to ride out these next few eliminations. thinkin about the most effective way to play a chaos idol. lots of thoughts. feel bad that the vote is on ginny but shes tanking her own game :/ i dont think she would even come for me yet so the only benefit of her going is that it takes away at anastasia and co's number. by co im assuming its elle brayden amy and whoever else they roped in. dxfcgvhbjkl so sorry ginny but bye i guess. maybe she'll pull out an advantage or something cool i hope my first tribal is exciting and not boring. i wanna be blindsided but not bc there are votes against me. just wanna see someone random go home.

So! Tribal tonight, I think everybody is pretty much voting Ginny. I feel like having an idol makes me that much more paranoid 😅 because im like *squints eyes* what if it's secretly me and they're trying to blindside me??? But anyway if Ginny ends up being voted out I'm sorry ❤️, I did mean it when I said mount merapi was water under the bridge, but i had work and then was exhausted so i took a nap and literally everyone had pretty much made up their minds 😅 there was no room to really even try to change minds.

We are voting out Ginny :( I AM ACTUALLY SAD I DONT WANT GINNY TO GO WHY GINNY??? Literally it was so random. Babs was going to be the target and then randomly Jodi and Collin were saying how they wanted to keep Babs and get rid of Ginny. And I tried to save it by sending a giant paragraph saying how Ginny would be a good number but they had their mind set. I THINK JODI AND COLLIN ARE WORKING WITH BABS. Jodi is literally my #1 target right now lol I want that girl gone. GINNY DONT WORRY IM NOT VOTING FOR YOU I AM VOTING BABS. I WILL AVENGE YOU!!

https://youtu.be/HX05_se6T8Y

gonna save the shade for the vote confessional lmao

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Jared: As a lot of people have put it, Jared is the “Denise” of the season. He is coming into the merge with a fresh start and a clean slate as the last remaining member of his tribe. He has aligned with Jay and Jodi who are definitely powerful numbers to have this early in the game. Additionally, he’s also hiding behind Jodi’s massive and ever-increasing target. People are not viewing Jared as a big, monstrous threat. However, he is managing the numbers behind the scenes and one of the only people who can keep Jodi’s head screwed on. His power over Jodi also gives him access to numbers that he would not have otherwise. Overall, Jared is calling the shots and getting things to go his way always.

Colin: Colin has played very impressively this round. He has managed to reign Jodi back in and has cleaned up most of her mess. Now, he nor Jodi will lose important numbers because of Jodi’s desire to make the first merge vote a blindside. By being clear, upfront, and communicative with his allies, he is gaining their trust despite not voting the way they want. Speaking of allies, Colin has built relationships with people that Jodi has not; namely, Anastasia, Elle, Amy, and Brayden are key numbers for Colin. This marks him as the head of the non-Jodi side, but he is also close with Jodi enough to find out information. He realizes just how important these numbers will be in the long run. Finally, Colin realizes that Jodi is a messy and chaotic player who will do more harm than good in the long run. This realization is sure to be the start of Jodi’s downfall which, if placed at the right time, will be very beneficial for his game.

Jay: Jay holds power because he is aligned with Jodi and Jared. Not many people give Jay a second look otherwise. He’s on the outs with everyone besides those two. Both Colin and Dennis do not vibe well with him causing him to be a target down the road if they need an easy one. However, Jay’s greatest strength has and is his ability to stay under the radar while aligning with power players. He is effectively using Jodi and Jared as shields for his own agenda. This might be a problem later down the road as he might be seen as their goat. So, he needs to step up and have more of a say on what goes on in that alliance instead of being reactionary to whatever Jodi and Jared do.

Jodi: There is SO much to say about Jodi’s game, but only some of it is good. Jodi has gone off the rails this round. Her obsession and paranoia with returnees and advantages have clouded her vision. She has tunnel vision when it comes to getting Ginnifer out. Due to this, she was ready to blindside and burn bridges with people that she should still try to play nice with early in the merge. Jodi seems to be of the belief that no matter what she does her allies will still trust her. This is seen when she openly talks about her closeness with others in front of people, making several unnecessary and clearly fake alliances, and lying to people despite having no reason to lie. She’s still at the #4 spot because, at this point, people trust her and she holds a lot of power because of it. However, her actions, which I foresee continuing, will only cause that power to reduce significantly as people start to see her for the chaotic mess she is.

Josh: Josh is a little bit out of the loop this round, especially when he told Anastasia and Brayden about the vote for Ginny when he was not supposed to. This caused some rifts in his relationship with Jodi. However, due to this, Josh is firmly in the middle of everything as no one sees him as a firm ally, but no one wants to target him either. He could even be the one to turn on Jodi eventually seeing as he is in all these alliances with her.

Amy: Amy was in a bit of trouble near the beginning of the tribal phase. Jodi does not trust her as much as Amy would like to believe. In fact, without Josh outing the plan, Amy would not have even known that the vote was actually for Ginny. She would just be one of the few Jodi blindsided without remorse. However, I do think that Jodi has learned to keep Amy close is better in the long run. Additionally, Amy has Anastasia, Brayden, and Colin on her side which helps keep her in the middle. She is not necessarily a swing vote as Jodi keeps a ton of information from her. However, the position she is in keeps her firmly in the middle of all the power distribution going on.

Babs: They are not active, but their previous likeability in the challenges in pre-merge has caused them to have powerful and vocal vouchers, such as Colin and Jodi, to keep them safe.

Dennis: The distrust of Dennis saga continues. Jodi believes that Dennis is paranoid and talks too much for his own good (sort of like what she is actually doing). The alliance of Jay, Jodi, and Jared believe that Dennis will flip on them if given the chance and is a game Player. The only reason he wasn’t targeted this round is because of Jodi’s vendetta against Ginny. However, I foresee him getting targeted by this group later down the road. The worst part is that he cannot get a direct read on this group. He believes that they are all wrapped around his finger. If he does not wake up soon or get strong relationships outside of those three, he will soon find himself blindsided with two idols in his pockets. And those two idols are the only thing keeping him away from the bottom 4.

Brayden: The top of the bottom 4. Brayden, for the longest time before Colin cleaned up Jodi’s mess, believed that Babs was the person getting voted out tonight. He had complete faith in Jodi which has since backfired because she rats about everything he says to her other alliances. His alliance with Amy and Anastasia is quickly being spotted by people, and he has made himself a target by association. This was not a good round for Brayden as it puts him in the bottom for the rounds to come. Additionally, his reads have been off causing him to be majorly out of the loop.

Anastasia: Anything Anastasia says regarding Ginny always seems to backfire. Anastasia could say “I think Ginny is lovely person��� and Jodi will go “See! This is why we need Ginny out!” Anastasia’s relationship with Ginny in this game was quickly exposed, and it gave a lot of people a free target. Anastasia’s defense of Ginny has worsened her position on her tribe’s totem pole. She does not seem to have a lot of social power yet on her tribe either. She does have strong allies with Brayden and Amy, but she is going to have to find new ones soon. This is because that alliance is quickly being read by others meaning it just serves as an excuse to target Anastasia.

Elle: Elle is pretty inactive this round which has been to their detriment. This has led to people liking them, but not necessarily wanting to work with them. Additionally, the rumor of an IRL relationship with Ginny and Anastasia is still spreading and being believed even now. They have been pigeonholed into working with those two as it seems that there is no way others want to work with them because of said reason. Elle has a lot of leg work to regain power in this game.

Ginnifer: I do not know why Ginny is being targeted so vehemently. False rumor of her connection with Anastasia and Elle? Attempting to start a majority alliance without telling half the people before its creation? Her first mistake was trying to create an alliance so quickly after the merge started. This information spread like wildfire throughout the tribe which gave her opposition (mainly Jodi) fuel to target her over someone inactive like Babs. If Ginny had sat back and just small talked their way through this round, Babs would be the person going while she is on the jury. It does not look good at the moment for Ginny’s game. The problem being that her detractors are very vocal in their opposition, especially the alliance of Jodi, Jared, and Jay who were willing to burn a lot of bridges just to get Ginny out.

~

All the alliances in this single round (y’all really said “What if Raffy was Pressed and Stressed”):

Fools Gold is Really Phantoms - Amy, Anastasia, Ginny

2 Gays and a Jodi - Josh, Colin, Jodi

Lasagna - Colin, Anastasia, Elle, Jay

Final 3 - Brayden, Anastasia, Amy

Kitty Cats - Dennis, Jared, Jay

The Active Ones - Brayden, Jodi, Amy

Krusty Krab - Colin, Josh, Jodi, Jay

Renegades - Ginny, Jodi, Dennis, Josh, Elle, Brayden, Anastasia, Amy

Vampires - Dennis, Jodi, Amy

Cody and Sarah's Besties - Jodi, Amy, Jay

Jodi's Lovers - Jodi, Jared, Jay

How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) - Colin, Anastasia, Amy, Brayden, Jared, Jodi

21 Gang - Jay, Jodi, Colin

Yeet Ginny - Jodi, Dennis, Jay, Jared

[roseygarcia]

I'm sorry but I have yo say it,

I am DISGUSTED at how they protect you

WHY YOU PLAY VICTIM

You a fukin snake

Crawl back to your hole and never come out that's why u suffer how u do its called KARMA for ur evil intentions and the way u manipulate people around u

It's so sad how foolish they all are

How blind they all are

I NEVER LAYED A FINGER ON YOU BUT TO PUSH YOUR FAT ASS OFF OF ME

How the FUCK was I suppose to breath

WHEN UR CRAZZY STUPIE ASS WAS SAYING GOOD

And

laughing

YOU REALLY ARE PSYCHOTIC

And

YOU DARE TALK ABOUT ME

Lmaooo

No SWEETHEART

This is

REAL PAIN

YOU CRY

Of shame and guilt

It's okay

GOD KNOWS

And so do YOU

And

I

What the truth really is

KEEP LAYING AND USING EVERYON3 AROUND YOU WHEN THEY DRAG YOU DOWN TO HELL DONT CRY LIKE THE VICTIM YOU LIKE TO BECOME

YOU ARE AND WILL NEVER AMOUNTT

To NOTHING and not because you might think I'm trying to wish you bad luck no not that NOT EVER

DISBONESTY ONLY BRINGS CHOS AND ACCORDING TO YOUR. Stories YOU ARE CHAOS I

I feel sad for you to the point I am ashamed of ever had called myself your girl

I was so stupid

YOU ARE SUCH A DISGUST

Atleast I fucked up and faced it you ran away like a fukkn pussy lmfaooooo

How old are we again 5?

GROW UP!

Damn man next time ima believe a homies dad when he calls the bitch crazy? Why would ur own father dirty talk ur name like that? It only has to be true. I wonder how many more lies do you have hidden.

U make me so sad I ever looked up to you

Omg I am so dense lmaoo

Ohhh fulish you

U might find another that might not fuk up how I did or might not bother u as much but trust me sweetheart the way I made ur heart skip u ain't ever gonna find ANYONE to make u feel special like me.

Lmaooo money and power is worth more i

See what beautiful lessons they instilled in you. Why the fuk u wanna work if u go na die tomorrow stupid u are a waking o tradiction.

Enjoy ur life serving other fools. U will never be what u want to be because this fuck up will haunt u for ever u might now think so jow but watch giveit time and ima laugh idc if I get punished too I will laugh in ur face if possible you don't deserve anything when u dare put ur hands on a FEMALE that's ONLY ask YOH FOR LOV3 u stupid bitch u don't deserve anything in life thats why u have the past you u do because u do this to everyone u meet. U make me so disgusted

I am so asked I ever dated u

Uhhhhhhhh