#I KNEW ALL THAT WAS COMING WHY DID THAT HURT SO BAD
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opt1mistic · 3 days ago
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high and dry
ellie williams x reader
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warnings : angst, unrequited love, bad writing, r is smoking, and also lowk hates herself🤷‍♀️, thats pretty much it. also not proofread. an : this was originally supposed to be waaaay longer but i got a wee bit scared so i decided to keep it short🙂 wc : 0.5k
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there’s something about tonight that makes you want to spill your gut. the way the tiny stars shined from your appartement balcony. the chilly breeze flowing into your face, making your hand wrap around yourself and hold your elbows tight. the smell of the cigarette in between your two fingers was comforting, it brought peace to you. every time you bring the end of the cigarette to your slightly dry lips, the way the smoke filled up your lungs made you feel numb to the thought of losing her.
why were feeling so fucking complicated?
god, the was she look at you, her laugh, her face, everything about her was perfect. she was perfect. and you were sure she thought the same for you, but you just didn’t think you were perfect enough for her. you were always there for her though every break up, through her high and lows. but all you did was push her away when you needs a shoulder to cry on. locking all your feelings away so she couldn’t come and help you. all this pain just because you did want her to leave. you knew if you let her get close to you your feelings would grow bigger and stronger, and you knew it would end up breaking your heart.
but the one time you did need her, of course she was there. oh, how much you hated her for it. the words of “i have feeling for you” leaving your lips. her face staring blank at you. what have you done? you could tell that she didn’t like you back. the way her face morphed into a look of pitty. ellie didn’t what to hurt your feelings by saying no, but she had no other choice.
i mean don’t get her wrong she thought you were really pretty. you were the most amazing person ever. the light of her life. but all she saw you as was a sister. you were her platonic soulmate, in every universe. but was there a universe where you are more then that? plotonic?
you hated yourself for so long for ruining your friendship. seconds before you said thoes words you hoped that she wouldn’t leave you, she was the best thing you ever had, (even if there was nothing romantic about it… to her at least), she was the best thing that ever happened to you. and you ruined it—with something as ‘silly’ as love.
your lips parted, letting up the smoke from your lungs. you shut your eyes are you let all the smoke out, and when you opened your eyes, a few salty tears fall down your cold cheeks, scattering at the top of your chin. each one of those tears carried unspoken words you couldn’t say, everything you’ve been holding back.
snorting back some snot that was threatening to slip from your nose, you reach your free hand to wipe your face free of tears. you put out the cigarette and walked back into your apartment, the scent of smoke and salt still clinging to you, as this night refused to let you ever forget.
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multific · 2 days ago
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Saved Him
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Eddie Munson x Reader
Summary: When news came to you about Chrissy's death, you wondered just why she was with your boyfriend at the time. You knew he had a crush on her a while back but Eddie swore he was over her because he liked you.
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A Satanist?
A cultist?
A murderer?
Your Eddie?
No.
These people were just blinded by rage and fear. 
Jason was also blind.
And fucking dumb.
He claims he saw things. Which you don't deny, but it wasn't Eddie's doing. And you knew that better than anyone.
You have been his friend since middle school, and his girlfriend for the last 2 years. You knew him better than anyone. 
You knew about his struggles, hobbies, friends, and favourite places. You knew everything.
And you also had a feeling about where to find him.
Skull Rock.
You followed the kids there and surely enough, there he was.
"Eddie?" 
"Y/N!" he rushed to you, hugging you. "I didn't do any of that."
"I know." you hugged him tighter. "I know you didn't." you smiled as you pulled back and he kissed you. 
The same kiss he always gave you when you felt bad, to calm you, to encourage you, to show you that he loves you.
But this kiss was also filled with fear.
You heard the others groan as Dustin spoke. 
"We don't have time for this."
You had a lot of catch-up to do. And you couldn't wait for an explanation. 
But now, for now, you were just happy to have your Eddie back.
Later, as everyone was getting ready, you watched Dustin and Eddie bond before he came over to you.
"Are you ready for this?" he asked and you looked into his eyes.
"I understand the nightmares come from Vecna, I understand how miserable it must be to have such nightmares. What I don't get is why was she at your place?"
"Is that really all you can think about when we are heading to death?"
You looked at him with no emotion on your face, but your eyes said every word your mouth refused. 
He let out a sigh and grabbed your hands into his.
"I do not, did not love Chrissy. She wanted to put her mind at ease because of the nightmares. I only wanted to help her."
"But you get it how it looks? Do you know how many times I have Jason tell me that his girlfriend was with my boyfriend when she died? Do you know the whispers and looks I got?"
"Why do you care so much about what people say?"
"Because they are telling me that you cheated on me. That you don't love me and it fucking hurts, Eddie." you tried your best not to raise your voice, the others don't need to hear your argument.
"But I do love you and I would never cheat on you, Darling."
"I know. This is why I feel like I'm being pulled into two pieces. One part of me understands and knows that you love me. The other is extremely jealous and furious."
"No need for you to be jealous, My Love." he lifted and kissed the back of your hand. "I promise, I only love you."
"I love you too Eddie." the sincere look in his eyes helped you calm down the rising storm.
---
Eddie was being attacked when you let out a yell. To save his life, you needed the attention of those flying things.
"HEY YOU DUMB THINGS FOLLOW ME!" you yelled and it got their attention. "Dustin! Help Eddie!" you yelled as you ran away. 
You managed to lock yourself into a car hoping those things would give up.
But as they banged on the windows and doors of the car, you weren't so sure you would survive.
One moment later, it all stopped.
All banging, all screaming, everything just stopped.
It took you a couple of minutes to get out of the car, you looked for Eddie and Dustin and you soon found them in the trailer. You rushed over to Eddie and hugged him.
"You saved me." he said. "Thank you." he tightened his grip as you let out a long sigh of relief.
He was alive.
He was fine.
He was holding you.
"I love you." 
He loved you.
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Taglist: 
@castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou 
@mandoloriancookie @deliciousfestsalad @lilliumrorum @asgards-princess-of-mischief 
@fallout-girl219 @dracaryxzs @snowtargaryen 
~Masterlist~
ˇAO3ˇ
/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE, TO STEAL OR TO REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/
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stormz369 · 1 day ago
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☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Ch 29
Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader
written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, NSFW, MDNI, let me know if there's anything else I should tag this with!
warnings/labels: poor parenting discussed, Talia may or may not be ooc (if she is, fear not! I have received 2 separate permits, and have been told I may do as I please!), mild cussing, fluff, angst, a smidge of fear
wc: 2.4k
Chapter Selection
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“... Babe, I know you've described Damian's mom as a ‘real piece of work', and Bruce told me a bit about how she raised him before he came here, so I do know she's not what I would consider a good mom. But that doesn’t explain why her visiting means we can't go to the manor?”
Jason sighed, setting his phone aside. He cupped my cheeks, purring my name; “darling, light of my life. I mean this in the best possible way. … You cannot be trusted to keep your cool with her.”
I blinked several times, frowning; “what on earth does that mean?!”
“You are … passionate. You love fiercely, and I love that about you. Seriously, I don't want you to think this is a bad thing; the way you love us makes me feel so safe, and I know Damian agrees. But … you've already yelled at one of his teachers, his principal, and Bruce. You will not be able to hold your tongue with Talia. And holding our tongues is necessary with her. … If she believes living at Wayne Manor is making Damian weak, she will take him away 'for his own good’.”
“How on earth would I make her think he's weak?”
“Talia is the type of person who believes attachment makes us weak. The things we care about can be used against us, the people we love are the people who will hurt us the worst. She believes it's better to be feared than loved. She's why he's so good at masking his feelings. Why he doesn't always understand his own feelings; his early education did not include processing and recognizing emotions. But she's … incredibly astute. She's analytical, and brilliant, and terrifying, and … she's his mother; she taught him everything he knew before he came here, and now she can read him without trying, even when he tries to hide his feelings from her. So if she sees how you two are around each other, even if neither of you so much as acknowledge each other, she'll know how you feel about him, and how he feels about you, and we'll probably never see him again.”
I growled softly, clenching my jaw. “… Bitch…”
He chuckled softly, holding me close. “I know. Which is why we have to keep our distance. … She doesn't visit often, and when she does she never stays long. She'll probably be here for a week at most, stalking the kid to make sure he's not slipping, and once she's gone I’m certain he'll show up on our doorstep.”
I sighed softly. “... Ok. … If you see him between now and then you have to find a way to tell him that I’m missing him and I love him very much, ok?”
He groaned softly. “Aw, come on, babe. The Red Hood can't lean in to give Robin a hug during patrol!”
“I'm not asking you to hug him - don't hug him! Just make sure he knows that I'm thinking about him. Please?” I pouted, snuggling against his chest; “for me?”
“Ughhhhh …. Fine. For you.” He sighed, running his fingers down my spine.
I grinned, snuggling against him happily. “Thank you~”
“Yeah, yeah …” he chuckled, kissing my temple. We sat on the floor, curled against each other, for a long while before Jason finally moved us to the bed to get some sleep.
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Jay quickly started moving his things into my place. I gave him my spare key and made space in the closet. When I got home from the next girls night some of his clothes were hung up next to mine. The next day there was one of those cheap plastic dressers next to my nice wood one, and sitting on top of it was Jason's cologne, a book, and his deodorant. His shampoo, conditioner, and shower gel joined mine on the side of the tub. We bought more towels and a new set of sheets.
All these little changes made me giddy; his things slotting into position next to mine just felt so right, and I would get used to the weapons that were suddenly stashed all over the apartment. We had a thorough gun-safety presentation that night, and he showed me where everything was. On the next gym-and-range day, we finished training with an exercise where he would, entirely at random, shout “intruder” and time how long it took me to have a weapon trained on him. My best time was two seconds; he had expected me to go for the gun in the drawer, not the knife block in front of me on the counter.
Soon I started packing Jason a lunch for patrol. Mostly because I wanted to take care of him in some way, but a part of me also hoped he'd run into Damian out there and share the cookies I made. He rolled his eyes at me the first time I pressed the insulated bag into his hands, but accepted it anyway. I sent him off with a kiss and a wave, and settled in to wait for him to come home. Hours later I fell asleep on the couch, and when I woke up it was 4:30am and he was unlocking the door. The exhaustion rolled off him as I pulled him into a tight hug, and we collapsed into bed. When I woke up for real around 11 the lunch bag was sitting on the kitchen counter, empty and clean. I grinned, filling it again that night, and Jason didn't offer so much as a token resistance before taking it.
A week and a half passed before he ran into Robin on patrol. Jason assured me that he had passed along my message, Damian was perfectly healthy and definitely missed me too, and he had even been forced to share the brownies I'd packed. I beamed, kissing his cheek in thanks, and we curled up in bed.
The next day, we started looking at houses online. We obviously only looked at what was available in Red Hood's territory; on top of him wanting to stay close to his patrol area, it was on the opposite side of Gotham from the well manicured lawns of Bruce's gated neighborhood and thus the perfect place to set up my clinic. Whether our home or the cave was closer, the bats would never be more than 30 minutes away from medical care. Jason took note of a few addresses he wanted to go check out, promising to swing by during patrol to see if they were securable.
“No reason to arrange a showing if I'm not gonna be able to make it safe for you.” He kissed my forehead, wrapping an arm around my waist. I chuckled softly, leaning against him. I was pretty sure he was the one who would need the most security measures to feel safe in our new home, but I wasn't going to argue. The way he lit up when providing for me was too precious a sight; if I complimented his cooking he turned pink and mumbled it was nothing. I thanked him for switching over the laundry and he sighed happily, nodding. When he saw progress in my training he beamed. And when he came home safe in the early hours of the morning, all anxiety and stress melted off of him the second he was in my arms.
In a lot of ways, life was starting to feel incredibly normal. We were like the picturesque 1950’s family I'd been taught to simultaneously idealize and vilify; until the spring semester at GU started I was free to spend my time how I pleased, and with Damian's mother still in town, that mostly meant finding new ways to feel like I was giving Jason as much as he gave me. I made sure he always had enough treats in his lunches, in case Damian was out too. When Jason returned from patrol I inspected him for any small wounds my first aid knowledge would fix. I doted on him every chance I got, and he doted right back. It was wonderful, truly.
But when he left for work, and I was alone with my thoughts, the stillness in the apartment quickly became overwhelming. At first Damian's sudden absence from my life had been annoying but acceptable. But after the first couple days it started to feel like a rabid dog was using my heart as a chew toy. Why was his mother still here? What was she doing? What was she saying to him? He had been making such incredible progress; he smiled more, he initiated hugs, he accepted them more readily. He was painstakingly tearing down the walls around his feelings brick by brick. It was a difficult process, and he was being so brave, I couldn’t be prouder! But what was she doing to those walls while I was kept away?
It had been two weeks, and I was starting to wonder if she planned to stay for the holidays. I didn't want her to stay for the holidays! I had plans, and I couldn't do my plans if I couldn't go to the manor! Being barred from Wayne Manor meant no Damian, but it also meant no Steph, no Dick, no Tim, none of them! We had decided it would be best if it looked like I was just Jason's girlfriend; as far as Talia knew he was indifferent to the family, if that. So I had to appear indifferent at best as well.
I was still able to go to girls' night, because that was being held at Barbara's home. There was no reason to believe Talia would know or care about that. But I missed training with everyone. I missed finding new ways to tease Tim. I missed Dick's good natured laugh. God help me, I even missed Bruce! He pissed me off, but he was still kind to me for the most part, and he was a good trainer. I wanted things to get better with him, for Jason and Damian's sake. I wanted him to be the dad they deserved, the dad Dick believed he wanted to be. I was pretty sure he had it locked away inside him, he just needed … something. What exactly that was, I wasn't sure; maybe to see how happy Damian was with simple childhood experiences? Or to see the peace on Jason's face when we cooked together. Or maybe he needed to experience some of that for himself. But whatever he needed, I was sure he wasn't getting it, and until Talia al Ghul left I wouldn't find out.
I tried to busy myself with crafting and baking. With the winter holidays on the horizon I really should have started on presents around Halloween, especially considering how many people I was making gifts for this year. But better late than never, so I used the time alone to get started. Jason would be gone for hours, I had plenty of time. Or, I would have if not for the knock at the door.
I jumped, looking up incredulously. I wasn't expecting guests, especially this late at night. Anyone I wanted here had my phone number, and no one had called or texted. I grabbed my phone, just to be sure, but I was right - no unread texts, no missed calls. A moment later there was another knock, this one more insistent.
I grabbed one of Jason's guns and my phone, ready to call him with the push of a button, and looked through the peephole. A beautiful woman was standing at the door, an unamused look on her face. Her clothes were too elegant for this neighborhood, she definitely didn't just wander to the wrong door. I sighed, a sinking sensation in my gut as I cracked the door open just enough to reveal my face.
“... Hello?” I frowned.
She raised an eyebrow; “... is hospitality well and truly dead in this country, or are you going to invite me in?”
“At eleven o'clock at night, in this neighborhood, with an uninvited stranger on the doorstep? It’s dead. Now, would you like to introduce yourself, or should I shut the door?”
She tsked; “I am Talia al Ghul. Why have you been spending time with my son?”
I silently cursed, but forced my expression to remain bored and distrusting; “... Your son?”
“Damian …” she sighed, “I believe he's using his father's last name now, Wayne.”
“Oh, Jason's brother? He's not here.”
“Obviously not.” She snapped; “are you going to let me in?”
“Why? He's not here.”
“I know he's not here! I want to know why you've been spending so much time with him.”
“I dunno about ‘much’. I've met him.”
“You are his emergency contact at that paltry excuse for a school he is enrolled at.”
“Oh, is that what you're so upset about?” I shrugged; “'m just doing a favor for Jay by doing a favor for his dad.”
“... Elaborate.”
“Mr. Wayne is a busy man, I am not a terribly busy woman. Emergency contact at the school was a simple enough thing to take off his plate. Kinda thing that seems bigger than it actually is. He now associates me with his life being ever so slightly easier. He already associates me with Jason, ergo he now associates Jason with his life being slightly easier.”
She frowned deeply. “You are emotionally manipulating Bruce into … what, being kinder to his second son?”
“... I suppose so, yeah. Didn't really think about it that way. 'Manipulation' makes it sound so much more convoluted and … effort-full. All I did was sign a piece of paper.”
Her expression morphed into a small smirk; a very Damian-like expression. “... And you are Jason's … girlfriend?”
“Yep.”
“... Hm.” She nodded once. “... Very well then.”
“... Okaaay. … So are you like, sticking around or somethin'? Do you want to be the emergency contact now?”
“No, there is no reason for that…” she pursed her lips; “establishment to have my phone number.”
I shrugged again. “Alright… Anything else?”
“... No, I suppose not.”
“Kay. I'm goin' back to bed then. Goodbye.” I shut the door, locking it, and looked through the peephole again. She glowered at my door, seemingly considering something, and finally left.
I watched her walk away until she was entirely out of sight, then slowly retreated to the couch to text Jay.
Me: Everything is fine, do not panic; but I just met Talia. 11:20pm
Jason: I'm coming home. Don't open the door to anyone. 11:35pm
Me: 👍❤�� 11:36pm
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mrsackermanfeed · 3 days ago
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ProfessorKentoNanami x CollegeStudentBlackReader (NSFW Link )
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TEACHERS PET
Your cute little skirt in his lap , legs folded that you sat on , he slammed down that framed picture of his wife and him on there wedding day .
And slid his wedding band into his dresser , while tugging your panties aside , “ I get a A , you promise?” He sighed and slid his fingers into that tight wet cunt .
“Promise bunny “ he sung at the sound of your slick puckering on his fingers , she didn’t feel bad , not one inch , she heard the arguments when he left class when his wife called , but she knew she was a silly girl too him , too think he would leave his wife for her .
So she enjoyed what was offered , he knew she had daddy issues and that’s what kept him stuffing her full of lies , lies that he would love her and protect her from anything that tried too hurt her .
“Mr.Nana- “ he pulled his fingers from her sopping entrance , picking her up by her thighs before swiping away anything in the way on his desk keeping him from fucking her .
“Come on bunny class is over “ he slammed her down on the desk , and yanked her panties off her thighs , leaving her in the cute plaid skirt , “ I’m sorry daddy I forgot “ he sighed heavily that name making him almost cum in his pants .
“That’s it , good girl “ he replied leaning toward you taking his belt off and pushing your knees up , he grabbed the back of your head pushing it against his , and put one on your lower back so he could look right into your eyes .
Sinking into you , he sighed , still not breaking that contact but watching you fall apart , “ shit “ you cursed , at his stretch as his mouth hung , before pulling out he rammed back into you, leaning on your elbows his hands pulled on your cute white bra , tugging it off your chest as your nipples perked , and your breast jumped , you sighed softly.
Pouting up at him , he sighed , before flipping you fully so you would be laying down , he leveled his knee on the desk keeping it steady and he hovered over you while sinking himself deeper , words couldn’t explain why he loved doing this why he needed you but he did , you made it better for him in this stupid marriage he had .
He was angry , she cheated first in the marriage , you always asked him why he just now started too pay attention too your flirty comments that was because he didn’t wanna hurt his wife , but the night he came in tired , watching his friend of three years fuck up into his wife it hurt him .
“Dad- daddy it hurts “ you hicked, he didn’t realize his speed he was hurting you , tears welding in your eyes he grabbed your waist picking you up and hugging onto you , “ I’m sorry princess , I don’t mean it , I’m sorry ok?” You pouted while he still slammed you up and down on his cock .
You hummed, burying your cries in his neck , he smiled , and sat in his chair pulling you out of his shoulder , he smiled softly, “better ?” He slowly lifted your body fucking you , “ yes “ you hicked , and he pushed the big curls from your face and brushed them behind your ears .
“I love you “ she nodded and laid on his chest “ I love you too “ she lifted crying his neck “ I’m gonna cum daddy “ he smiled and rubbed your back , “ I’m here , you can “ he smiled softly.
He knew exactly what he wanted from you and why he kept this going , he needed you , you made him happy and that was the end of his marriage .
His condom broke and he felt all the warm liquid slip into you before he was picking you up and sitting you on the desk , “ I’m sorry “ he panted pulling the condom from your tight cunt .
You sighed and panic filled your body , but you kept calm knowing you had a plan .
“It’s ok I’ll grab a plan b from the store on the way home , thank you sir “ you got down from his desk picking up your panties and his books helping him clean his mess before fixing his tie and letting him clean up his mess on your legs and you made your way home .
You felt disgusting for once , thinking about what happened.
Part 2
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maddy-k-reads-all-day · 2 days ago
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I don't trust Joanne at all.
I don't get why people use Joanne's words and motives as part of trying to figure out Amanda, Wooly, and Hameln.
Now let me clear this up now: I do not think Joanne is a bad person. She is willing to do anything to save her brother. And I think we need to understand that that anything is not within our best interests.
First off, I'm probably a bit biased considering I didn't trust Joanne from the very beginning. We meet this masked stranger who is somehow in our aunt's house. (Seriously, how did she get in there? Kate may have given her the keys but... why didn't she tell us about Joanne at all? If Joanne is helping Kate, shouldn't she have said that Joanne might help us too?)
I mean, I think it was a bad idea for Riley to just go into Joanne's car (and sleep in it no less) considering Joanne hadn't yet given us any real proof of her identity or even her name. Like Riley, stranger danger?!
Like if she had turned out to be someone from Hameln coming to kidnap Kate and/or Riley then this would've been really bad. I know she isn't, but at that point Joanne could've been anybody. And we just... went with her without question.
Then we break into the library with her. Like... even if she had Kate's keys she's not an employee there... so that's breaking and entering.
Then let's talk about Joanne's speech. Kate died because of her. Because she was willing to do anything to get her brother back... because she pushed Kate too far. Joanne admitted that this was mostly- if not all her fault. Now, I think she could be blaming herself a bit too much... it's probably not all her fault. But she also admitted that she used us. For her own gain. Not for Kate or our best interests.
But I think the interesting thing about this is that even though Joanne admits that she did all this... it doesn't stop her from doing it again.
In that Cassette tape, Kate was telling us what she wanted... she wanted us to stop. She wanted us to escape and never deal with Hameln's wrath. But instead of respecting Kate's wishes, Joanne goes directly against them, telling us to fight Hameln.
Once again, I'm not saying Joanne is evil or a terrible person. Just that she's working purely for her own goals... our safety and best interests are not on their radar like they were on Kates.
The whole scene of the Wooly monster killing her could mean anything, not just that it's siding with Hameln. I mean, it could definitely be siding with destroying the tapes... it could also be protecting Riley and Kate from a person who clearly dangerous to them specifically.
That night she screamed at Kate to give her those tapes... and I imagine she was probably pushing Kate really hard to find a solution. Kate and Riley are the only two known characters working in Amanda (and to some extent Wooly's) interests of escaping the tapes and ending the show so it can't hurt anyone anymore.
In the "Do you feel safe tape" Amanda warns us about strangers, and also seems to stop trusting us when she hears Joanne's voice. Remember, Joanne is not working in Amanda's best interests which seem to be our best interests as well. She doesn't want to save Rebecca, she wants to save Jordan. Kate probably knew that destroying the tapes would hurt Amanda and Wooly, she probably would have told Joanne this, but Joanne doesn't care. Amanda doesn't trust Joanne. She has every reason not to. We have every reason not to. For she is someone who is willing to sacrifice anything to save someone she loves... and as noble as that is... that includes us. Kate, Riley, Amanda, and Wooly. If it meant saving her brother... she probably wouldn't think twice about doing something that would bring them harm.
What I'm saying is, both demons recognized Joanne as a threat. Now does this mean they are both working to protect us? I have no idea. But Joanne being a threat to Riley and Kate is an interesting piece of the puzzle to consider.
I don't trust Joanne because she is only in it for her goals and not ours. Not that she's a bad person for doing so, plenty of people could probably imagine being willing to do almost anything to save someone they love. But with a person like that... you just can't trust everything they do and say.
Wooly warned us about strangers. Amanda warned us about trusting people. They were probably warning us... about Joanne.
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notreallythatlost · 3 hours ago
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at first, i have one thing to say: MASTERPIECE
LILY, THIS ONE IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING TAKING ALL MY SANITY AWAY BECAUSE YOU WRITE SUB!SAURON SO FREAKING GOOD 🤍🤍
and i have so many thoughts:
Aulë The Smith began to court you as he watched you set the stars on fire. He was dreaming of how perfectly you two would go together if you were to fuel the fire inside his forge – the source of all his creation would come from you.
i love the fact, that aulë courted her and that she was supposed to be with him
Aulë, however, was not who you were dreaming about
and denied him because of melkor
Whenever you would spend time with Varda dancing in the flower fields, you could feel Melkor creeping in the shadows and watching.
he really IS a creep
He wondered how jealous Aulë would be then and how humiliated you would be, yet he was certain he could make you happy and fix the malice of your spirit with his undying love and endless devotion.
THESE LINES AHHH
Because, in the meantime, you were starting to realise with bitter clarity why you should have stayed away from Melkor, the Dark Lord, in the first place.
and how she should’ve stayed away 😭😭
You were a Vala and you could endure the worst treatment, therefore in your suffering he reshaped you in ways that would shatter even the mighty Maiar. Melkor forged you anew and twisted your already spoiled essence to his dark design.
MY GOD???
You were made for much bigger things than spending your whole lifetime resting in the sunlight and being followed by the forest animals like some of the Valar ladies were. No, you were aiming for greatness and the price for it was pain.
goosebumps, literally
When Mairon came to your husband’s service, you sensed immediately the amount of his worship and devotion towards you.
oh, to be that worshipped
Because if Melkor would realise the true nature of Mairon’s feelings, he would not go easy on him and his wrath would be merciless. 
i think, someone would’ve suffer more than he already did
“My Lady,” he kneeled as he approached you and he kept his eyes low although you knew he dared to look up here and there, too tempted not to lay his gaze on you. “Please, grant me an audience,” he pleaded.
“I might crown myself the new Dark Lord, my Lady, but I would never consider myself to be above my Goddess,” he confessed and you smiled sadly as you approached him to grab him by his chin.
HOT HOT HOT DAMN
Your soft smile turned into a smirk when you let go of his chin and moved your hand to his ginger hair to caress it softly like he was your pet.
oh damn, you bad girl
“Come to me,” you ordered, harshly. You watched him trying to stand up slowly but you quickly stopped him. “On your hands and knees,” you explained.
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“Serve me, Mairon,” you requested, wickedly. “Let my taste remain on your lips and might you never forget it while you build your kingdom in my name. I will come back to you then, my sweet, unless the Valar find and imprison me before,” you leaned in to caress his cheek with your finger gently.
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“I shall fight them then. No matter how much it takes, I will release you and bind you to me instead,” he whispered.
oh, holy-
“Even as the greatest of your kind, you would still only be gifted with a mere shadow of my powers. We will never be equal, Mairon,” you reminded him and his eyes welled with even more tears at such a harsh reminder.
that must’ve hurt so bad 😭
“You’ve served me good, Mairon,” you grabbed his chin and smiled at him. “Good servant,” you emphasised.
He looked so pretty like this – both excited and turned on but also absolutely terrified of you. You could do everything to him and he had no other way but to accept it. And he knew – he knew very well – that you could be as cruel as Melkor if you only wanted to be.
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A few pumps of your hand was enough to make him spill himself with a whine, bucking his hips into your hand as you kept jerking him off to make more and more of his seed spurt out. 
AND ANOTHER ONE THAT LEFT ME TOTALLY BREATHLESS
But you knew already that you would be back for your sweet Mairon sooner than both of you expected.
i’m screaming, give it to me
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oh my good lord, i’m speechless.
no, i mean really because i just loved it. and your writing, it gets me everytime. 🤍
i can’t wait to read the next part, can’t wait to see what you did with goo!sauron and our beloved halbrand
— HUMBLED (I)
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PAIRING — Sauron x fem!Vala!Reader // Morgoth x fem!Vala!Reader
SUMMARY — Grown tired of living in your sister's shadow, you offered yourself to the one whom she had rejected once – Melkor. You regretted it quickly as he turned out to be a cruel lover and you became the very first subject of his twisted tortures meant to reshape one's spirit. In his eyes you were nothing by Varda's shadow but in the eyes of Mairon the Maia you have always been the only and the most holy goddess. When his master is gone, he can finally get close to you.
AUTHOR’S NOTE — I had two ideas for Sauron with Morgoth's ex and honestly? I will probably write one more because I like the other idea a lot, too. This fic is quite dark because of the nature of Reader's relationship with Morgoth. Not gonna lie, it was a challenge to write a Reader who is a literal Goddess but Sauron himself inspired me to explore this dynamic when he seemed to be so proud of the fact that it was a God himself torturing him... 👀 The Reader in this fic is a Vala (and Varda's sister but she remains undescribed as well), so she changes her appearance like Sauron does but I am not describing any of her forms in any details. In the next part there will be some goo/blob!Sauron + Halbrand and in this part our favourite ginger loser makes his comeback! 🦊 Apparently, I can't write him as a dom... 😂 Well, surely not with someone who is so much above him. Huge thanks to @dinsbeskar once more because we were brainstorming about this idea together. ⭐ Special thanks to @olchr-1 as well! 💚 PS – I haven't described how Morgoth looks like either but I imagine him as a tall, black haired hottie like on the fanarts. 💀😂 There is also a slight mention of the Reader being originally promised to Aulë, which was inspired by the story of Hephaestus and Aphrodite.
WARNINGS — Reader is evil (reshaped by Morgoth but not completely evil), domestic abuse (with Morgoth), mentions of Sauron and Reader being tortured by Morgoth, SMUT, sub!Sauron
WORD COUNT — 4,330
🔞 THIS FIC IS 18+ 🔞
ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.
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HUMBLED (I)
The very first thing you remembered was beholding your sister Varda being crowned one of the mightiest of the Valier and Queen of the Valar, Queen of the Stars, a beauty beyond the description of Men and Elves. So pure to reject Melkor and marry his brother Manwë instead – King of the Valar.
You followed your sister nearly everywhere, hoping to bask in her light but it never seemed to be enough to make you feel warm. You were greedy – at first, you were jealous of her husband and insisted on her spending more time with you than with him, striving for all of her affection. Once you realised that it was a lost cause, you began to detest Manwë.
You watched Varda situate the stars in the heavens above Arda as if they were jewels and you were the one setting them alight with the fire burning within you for they could lighten up the firmament. You were responsible for the treacherous element that the fire was – useful in many ways but also dangerous if not used correctly or with malicious intent.
Aulë The Smith began to court you as he watched you set the stars on fire. He was dreaming of how perfectly you two would go together if you were to fuel the fire inside his forge – the source of all his creation would come from you.
Everyone, including your sister, was encouraging you to become his wife for his heart was of a noble kind. Your own heart remained unsure but you wished to marry as well instead of only watching Varda and Manwë sharing a bond you could only dream of. Aulë, however, was not who you were dreaming about.
It was Melkor that you were drawn to; Manwë’s powerful brother, the very same whom your sister had rejected once and he had grown to resent her. You were observing him often because he fascinated you and you probably were the only one amongst the Valar who understood him. You were outcasts, both of you, but you were better at hiding it.
He was sometimes observing you as well, from the corner of his eye. You could feel his gaze on you and you knew that he had to feel the same way you did – he could see the malice inside of your heart for his was the same.
Whenever you would spend time with Varda dancing in the flower fields, you could feel Melkor creeping in the shadows and watching. Of course, he was there for your sister but still, some of his gazes were reserved for you only.
Therefore, on the eve of your wedding to Aulë, you forsake the light and seeked the shadow as you sneaked out of the palace you lived in and you found yourself knocking upon Melkor’s doors. There was no fear inside of you, only pure determination.
And you knew you could never replace your sister; your power was a mere shadow of hers. Yet, you offered yourself to Melkor on that night and he took you in, claimed you as his own and made you his bride. Before dawn, together, you fled from Arda for some time, leaving behind sorrow and dismay.
Your sister was most grieved by your betrayal. Alongside her, Aulë descended into a state of melancholy until Manwë mentioned to him the possibility of courting Yavanna instead and The Fruit-Giver became his wife – that union became one of harmony and love unlike the one you would have with The Smith.
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You always fascinated Mairon the most – (Y/N), Mother of Flames, Aulë’s lost love. As his disciple, Mairon observed you humbly before and he knew his master’s heart enough to know that Aulë would always feel bitter towards you. Yavanna was his love match but she could not fuel the fire inside his forge and become the source of his creation.
What a source of inspiration you were for Mairon, though. The same way others worshipped Varda, Mairon worshipped you. Everytime he stared at the fire inside the forge, your image was all he could think of as the thought of you lingered in his mind constantly. You were long gone from Arda after eloping with Melkor but he hoped it was not yet over, that he would see you again. In the early days, when his spirit was still pure, he often fantasised about you being taken back by the Valar and forgiven by them, so he could build altars for you amongst the kins that would yet awake to inhabit Arda.
Some of his bolder daydreams were about another form of punishment for you – he would have you humbled in the name of redemption, bound to a lowly Maia. He meant himself, of course. He imagined the Mother of Flames becoming the source of his creation, fueling the fire within his forge and watching over his craft as his very own wife. He wondered how jealous Aulë would be then and how humiliated you would be, yet he was certain he could make you happy and fix the malice of your spirit with his undying love and endless devotion.
And perhaps that blasphemous dreams of Mairon the Maia, bold in their insolence, would be a kinder fate for both of you and the whole Arda. Because, in the meantime, you were starting to realise with bitter clarity why you should have stayed away from Melkor, the Dark Lord, in the first place.
In his greatness, he dwelt in solitude and his mind remained ungraspable for you. He would rarely let you inside to allow you to see the world the way he perceived it. Though he desired you, it was not as an equal, neither as companion nor as lover. And even in his desire, there was contempt, too, because as Varda’s sister you were a reminder of her rejection, which still lingered within your husband as a wound unhealed. And your beauty, your power, your holiness… They were nothing but pale echoes of your sister’s qualities; faint reflections of her no matter how hard you tried. And each one of your failures to meet Melkor’s towering expectations was met with your husband’s wrath.
None among his servants who would later know him as a cruel master ever dared to complain about his punishments in your presence because you were his first subject of torment, his earliest experiment in reshaping the will of another and they knew that you survived things they could barely think of. You were a Vala and you could endure the worst treatment, therefore in your suffering he reshaped you in ways that would shatter even the mighty Maiar. Melkor forged you anew and twisted your already spoiled essence to his dark design.
Alone in his presence you felt belittled and humbled. But by his side before others, you were exalted and invincible – cloaked in the might of his dominion – and that illusion of power became intoxicating. For allowing you to get sedated with such greatness was enough to worship him like he was Eru himself and out of all your offerings, he loved that devotion the most about you.
To be his wife was not easy – it was a torment and perhaps you were burdened with the most difficult fate out of all the Valar. Yet, it was what you had chosen willingly for yourself and you carried this responsibility with pride, trying not to think too much of the life you could have lived instead. You were made for much bigger things than spending your whole lifetime resting in the sunlight and being followed by the forest animals like some of the Valar ladies were. No, you were aiming for greatness and the price for it was pain.
When Mairon came to your husband’s service, you sensed immediately the amount of his worship and devotion towards you. You sometimes wondered if the Maia joined Melkor for him and his power or were you the real reason for his spirit’s betrayal. His devotion amused you but you offered him no kindness as his yearning for your favour was met with cold indifference. Even though he was desperate for more of it, he should know better and be grateful for your rejection. Because if Melkor would realise the true nature of Mairon’s feelings, he would not go easy on him and his wrath would be merciless. 
Sometimes you wondered how it was possible that Melkor could not sense Mairon’s admiration for you. Perhaps he thought of it as something innocent – something expected from his servants to feel towards his Queen. Perhaps he thought of it as silly and pathetic, unworthy of his attention, because he knew you would never humiliate yourself to betray him for a servant.
Or perhaps your husband cared about you even less than you suspected.
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After Melkor’s defeat, you were hiding inside your fortress in the North from the wrath of the Valar. Your husband’s absence was welcomed by you with relief but also a huge emptiness within your soul. You had been his companion for ages and to be left alone now felt oddly wrong. Many of the creatures of darkness expected you to take the leadership but you stepped away instead, wishing for a calmer and more peaceful time at least. 
The power you had once craved now was something you dreaded. Your husband’s ways had drained you nearly completely, you were a shell of your old self. You wanted nothing but to crawl inside a hole and spend another eternity there, resting as a person unknown to the outside world. 
Mairon was the one who took all the responsibilities upon his shoulders and while committing to his duties, he would always emphasise he was fulfilling them in your name. Forever a servant he would remain. 
Now, without Melkor’s eyes observing him constantly, he gained more courage to bask in the remains of your corrupted light. You sensed his gaze on you wherever you would go.
Your wish, however, was to go much further away and Mairon knew about it, which was worrying him. He was trying his best – nearly desperately – to reunite your husband’s armies and dark creatures of the shadows, to become their leader and build a realm for you to rule over. To become worthy of you.
“My Lady,” he kneeled as he approached you and he kept his eyes low although you knew he dared to look up here and there, too tempted not to lay his gaze on you. “Please, grant me an audience,” he pleaded.
“You wish for an audience, Mairon? But is it not you preparing to get crowned very soon, my cunning spirit? Soon it shall be me asking for your audience,” you teased him and he looked up, his eyes filled with panic. Melkor would punish him for such schemes but you were not him and his influence was upon you no more. 
“I might crown myself the new Dark Lord, my Lady, but I would never consider myself to be above my Goddess,” he confessed and you smiled sadly as you approached him to grab him by his chin.
He swallowed thickly out of fear but his eyes remained soft, filled with nothing but pure admiration. In Melkor’s eyes you had been Varda’s unworthy shadow. Perhaps no one had ever perceived you with such devotion as Mairon.
“I shall build you altars in my realm; in every village, every town, every city. And in the capital of my kingdom where I will reside, I shall build a temple where you can find your peace,” he breathed out. “Just, please, do not abandon me.”
Your soft smile turned into a smirk when you let go of his chin and moved your hand to his ginger hair to caress it softly like he was your pet.
“I must, Mairon. When you build your temple for me, though, then I might come back to reside there. But until then, we must part,” you insisted and walked away at the sight of his eyes getting wet.
“Will they ever follow me without you by my side?” He asked, unsurely.
“They will not. Not all of them. Can you not see that it is a cursed path, destined to become a failure, to follow Melkor’s steps?” You turned around to look at his face once more. “Run away with me, Mairon. Forsake this realm, forsake your schemes,” you proposed and he gasped, visibly contemplating his answer. But the sparkles faded away from his eyes very quickly.
“No,” he shook his head. “I must stay and heal Middle-earth. I cannot abandon its people because of my own selfish desire,” he resisted you as you chuckled at that.
“You are no god, then, Mairon. Gods do whatever they wish. Spirits like you were created to serve,” you teased, cruelly as you sat on your armchair and he moved uncomfortably, looking away, but he remained kneeling and humbled.
“Allow me to serve you then, Mother of Flames,” he dared to whisper, nearly inaudibly, his breath shaky and lips trembling.
You tilted your head, thinking about his words. You would leave this realm soon, perhaps forever. He surely deserved a little treat before your departure for all the worship and devotion he had been gifting you with. And you deserved to give in to desires of your flesh as well after all the treatment your husband had given you.
“Come to me,” you ordered, harshly. You watched him trying to stand up slowly but you quickly stopped him. “On your hands and knees,” you explained.
Mairon glanced up at you as if he could not believe the amount of humiliation you would put him through now. It was true that back in the day you had often contrasted with Melkor’s cruelty but now Melkor was no more and you had been taught the craft by the very master of it.
Perhaps his influence was still upon you and it would remain there forever. 
You waited with an eyebrow raised and Marion gave up eventually, crawling on the floor towards you. He might have been humiliated and embarrassed but his eagerness was obvious in the way his eyes sparkled at the sight of your legs getting closer and closer to him. And when he was nearly in front of them, you opened them slightly as he gasped and looked up at you with admiration. He could not believe the access you had just given him while you smirked at his obedience.
“Serve me, Mairon,” you requested, wickedly. “Let my taste remain on your lips and might you never forget it while you build your kingdom in my name. I will come back to you then, my sweet, unless the Valar find and imprison me before,” you leaned in to caress his cheek with your finger gently.
“I shall fight them then. No matter how much it takes, I will release you and bind you to me instead,” he whispered.
“Bold of you, mighty Maia, to speak of such matters,” you let out a laugh. “Even as the greatest of your kind, you would still only be gifted with a mere shadow of my powers. We will never be equal, Mairon,” you reminded him and his eyes welled with even more tears at such a harsh reminder.
He cursed Eru himself for creating him as such a low spirit because this way he could never be worthy of you and to be able to walk by your side as your equal was all he had ever wanted.
“Let it be then… Anything to be close to you, my Lady,” he cooed. “Please, allow me to touch you,” he begged as he moved even closer to your legs.
“Proceed,” you nodded and watched him closely, observing his every movement, every gaze, which probably intimidated him even further but you could sense his desire to please you becoming too grand to care about anything else.
His hands wrapped around your ankles and moved up slowly, brushing your skin as the skirts of your dress pulled up, revealing your calves for him to admire. He had never seen them.
Well, perhaps he had. He had often sneaked up on you here and there and you had known about it but welcomed it with nothing but a chuckle as you had been pretending to be oblivious.
However, he had never been so close to them. To you. He crawled up even closer as he planted soft and devoted kisses to your exposed skin. You had never known kisses like these because Melkor had been mostly devouring you, tormenting you, using you. 
Mairon sighed and you felt a shiver go down your spine at the feeling of his fingertips brushing the back of your knees. You slid lower on the armchair as your skirts pulled nearly all the way up, exposing your thighs to him. Your obedient servant gasped and looked up at you once more as if he was asking if that part of you was allowed for him, too.
“Have I told you to stop?” You challenged him and he nodded before burying his head between your soft thighs to kiss and lick them softly, breathing the sweet scent of your skin as if you were the holiness personified.
Wicked thought it was for you were the most corrupted and fallen out of the female Valar and yet you doubted any of them were worshipped with such eagerness as you were now.
“If we never left Valinor and I never followed Melkor,” you breathed out, caressing Mairon’s ginger hair and playing with the delicate strands of his hair between your fingers, “you would be my disciple and we would spend forever in the fields under the sun with you worshipping me, my sweet spirit,” you shared your fantasy with him and he whined at that as he moved his face further and deeper, his nose nudging your glistening cunt as he requested for your legs to open even wider.
“So impatient,” you pointed out and grabbed him by his throat to pull him away. You felt him swallow underneath your hand and then you forced him to look up by grabbing his chin. It was slightly wet already from your leaking cunt and you leaned in to give him a possessive, open-mouth kiss; to taste yourself on him as his eyes widened but he gave in immediately.
While granting him with a kiss he would never forget, you opened your legs further and further, giving him full access to the sweet nectar between your thighs and he whined into your mouth like a brat when he realised what you were doing. He laid his trembling hands on your thighs and moved the folds of your dress even further to the back, making sure your cunt was all exposed for him.
The cold air of the room caused your clit to twitch and swell before his thumb found it and brushed it. Now it was your time to moan into his mouth. You broke the kiss and pressed your forehead to his as you closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths in. Pleasure without pain was an experience brand new for your flesh and you had to steady yourself as he watched in awe.
“A-allow me…” Mairon pleaded and your eyes opened once more as you looked deep into his with a nod.
You laid back in the armchair and watched him with curiosity but also a hint of contempt to see a spirit so mighty humbled like this – perhaps you could understand Melkor more than you had ever expected to be able to but it was truly fascinating and pleasurable to humiliate other spirits. 
To be able to kiss and lick your cunt, to devour it – it was surely a life-changing experience for your sweet Mairon. His usually calm demeanour changed in an instant, reminding you of a hungry hound as he whined and whimpered, lapping on your juices as if it was the sweetest nectar granting him immortality. He was intoxicated as his hands squeezed your thighs to keep them open and allow him to feast eagerly. 
Your body of a goddess allowed you to go on without breaks; a peak after peak as you shivered and trembled, caressing his head and meeting his hazy, devoted gaze once in a while to let him know he was doing good. Your praise meant everything to him for all he had always known was your husband’s reprimands. 
Your flesh could go on and on but your mind of a goddess was a demanding one and soon you grew simply bored of his ministrations, therefore you pushed his head away and crossed your legs, taking away the access from him.
Mairon’s face was flushed, his eyes foggy and skin glistening from sweat and your juices dripping down his chin. He was kneeling and looking up at you mindlessly as if he would follow your every order now, no matter how self-destructive it would be.
“You’ve served me good, Mairon,” you grabbed his chin and smiled at him. “Good servant,” you emphasised.
“P-please,” he whimpered and you furrowed your brow before realising what he begged you for.
His own release.
“Was not your kin created to serve mine? I do not think our creator blessed you with such desires, Mairon. Do not be a dirty liar,” you teased him.
“Please, my Lady,” he whined, desperately.
You sighed and rolled your eyes.
“Alright, then, let me see for myself,” you smirked and pushed him down onto the floor before getting out of your armchair and straddling him like a predator would trap her prey before sinking her teeth into him.
He looked so pretty like this – both excited and turned on but also absolutely terrified of you. You could do everything to him and he had no other way but to accept it. And he knew – he knew very well – that you could be as cruel as Melkor if you only wanted to be.
Melkor’s brutality had been driven by his own whim. Yours would be driven by your revenge for all the centuries of being treated like his dog. Beaten dogs tended to bite deadly and Mairon knew.
“Do not fear me, sweet Mairon. I only want to see for myself if it is true that you have fallen and corrupted yourself so much with your devotion towards me that you have been gifted with desires of the flesh,” you smirked. “Or cursed with them,” you pointed out as your hands worked on his robes and the trousers underneath them swiftly and quickly.
You gasped and laughed when you saw how hard he was already after all those hours he had spent between your legs. He blushed even further and his cheeks were crimson red now like his clothes.
“This must hurt,” you pointed out with a sinister chuckle. “Is it the first time for you?” You asked, brushing his thighs with your fingernails, making him shiver under your touch but refusing to actually pay any attention to his hard and reddened cock with its tip swollen and twitching, leaking precum.
“No,” he confessed, nearly inaudibly.
“Interesting,” you hummed to yourself and leaned in, your face so close to his that your noses brushed. “And what were you doing usually when it happened?”
“Nothing,” Mairon confessed, his face wincing out of shame. “Nothing, my Lady. I would never… I would never dare to…” He gasped after every word, so sweetly desperate and frustrated but not brave enough to ask you to do anything in particular. He would never order you around.
“Oh, my sweet, poor Mairon… You should have come to me each time and I would have helped you,” you grinned at him although you both knew it was not true. None of you would have ever dared to commit such an act behind Melkor’s back. “Do you want me to ease you now?” You asked.
“P-please…”
You reached towards his twitching cock and grabbed his wet length as you watched with cold fascination while he struggled and writhed underneath you. A few pumps of your hand was enough to make him spill himself with a whine, bucking his hips into your hand as you kept jerking him off to make more and more of his seed spurt out. 
His body of a Maia did not need breaks but there was always a limit to how much seed any male flesh could produce. And when you felt he could absolutely do no more, you stopped and watched him catch his breath as you giggled, laying on top of him and intertwining your legs. One of your hands kept caressing his sore and softening cock gently as your other hand pulled his head closer to your chest, burying his face between your breasts and caressing his ginger hair strands.
“Please, do not go… I will be so lost without you,” Mairon looked up to meet your gaze and you smiled sadly at that.
“Do not start again,” you scolded him.
“Can you at least stay for the coronation?” He pleaded but you shook your head.
“No. I must leave tonight, as soon as possible,” you leaned in to kiss his forehead and a short while of silence occurred.
It surprised you greatly but some part of you began craving to take care of him now. As if the sinful act you had just performed with him, which stained you in a way – because what else would you call lowering yourself to pleasing a Maia? – as if it had forged an attachment between you two and bound you to him indeed like he had blasphemously suggested before.
You definitely had to leave and hide from the Valar, seek your own peace of mind. But you knew already that you would be back for your sweet Mairon sooner than both of you expected.
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MASTERLIST
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admirationandromantics · 22 hours ago
Text
Going overboard, 1: Memento Mori
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Okay, so first the prologue, and now the first chapter. As I've said before, not all chapters include a Josh-interactions because of accuracy to the game, so you'll just have to live with it. If you haven't read the Prologue, go to my profile, then the masterlist, Josh Washington. You'll find it there. Get ready for tomorrow!
❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀
Chapter 1: Memento Mori
After what happened up on the mountain last year, Josh didn’t stay in touch. At first we all tried to talk to him, help him, but we gave up one after another. He talked with Sam a lot. I think she did the most she could until he cut contact. I didn’t want to put too much on him, and we all were in grief as well, so it probably was the best solution. 
Sam and I had regular coffees. It helped us both. We shared stories about them, and she told me about everything which happened that night. The prank wasn’t about me, nor Josh. Not even Beth, but she still had to suffer the consequences. Poor Beth, and poor Hannah. We all knew she had a thing for Mike, but setting her up like that was not okay. I now despised them all, Jessica, Emily, Mike, Matt, Ashley. Matt was such a sweet guy, I couldn’t imagine him standing there with a camera, recording everything. For me though, Ashley hurt the most. I loved her, I truly did, but I cut contact quickly after I got to know about the evening. She sent me a bunch of texts, begging me to talk to her. She was sorry, she was drunk, caught up in the moment, and everyone was doing it so she felt like she had to. She never knew that the aftermath would be as bloody as it did. I still didn’t text her back. 
A month before the anniversary of their disappearance, Sam got a video message from Josh. He invited her up to the cabin again, stating that this would be a way to honour their memory, and relive the experience, but with a good ending. There would be booze, partying and just making new memories. Based on the video, it seemed like he asked everyone in the old group. Everyone except me. I felt hurt. Betrayed in a way. I was one of the few he talked to, cried to. Our relationship didn’t evolve after the event, but I was still there for him, trying to comfort him. Sam told me that I should come with her, but I declined. If he didn’t want me there, it was okay. She couldn’t understand why, but she kept being insistent, urging me to give it a chance. I didn’t have to be there the whole time, and if I wanted to, I could leave the very next day since the bus went through the area once every day. 
It would be good to talk to Josh, maybe even if he didn’t want to. I was selfish, I knew that, but I had to see him. I wanted to see how he was doing, how he was feeling. This also made me think of Chris. He would probably be there, and I hadn’t kept in touch with him either. I felt bad, but at the same time, we weren’t that close. I knew that he still hung out with Ashley sometimes, and maybe that made me a bit afraid. Maybe she would try to contact me through him? Maybe I wasn’t just selfish. Ashley also needed to talk. Talk to me, clear the air. I would let her. I finally agreed to come with Sam up to the cabin. 
***
The bus is empty, except for Sam and I of course. She didn’t pack much, and I didn’t either. I figured that I wouldn’t stay long. I just needed to talk to people, get some weights off my shoulders. The radio is playing, and no surprise, it’s about Beth and Hannah. I hold my composure, trying not to cry. The trip is long, and I end up sleeping on her shoulder for a good amount of it. Sam is watching something on her phone, but I don’t peek. I simply look out the window. There is an eerie feeling to these mountains. I felt the same last year, but this time it feels stronger. The black trees are covered in snow, untouched by animals. 
Finally we reach our stop. The sign says “Blackwood Pines” and hadn’t it been for last year's events, I would still love the name. Being here for the first time felt magical, straight out of Narnia, joining a winter wonderland of mystery. Now, I feel nervous. The air isn’t as fresh, the ground not as hard and the snow was too white. Instead of smelling winter, I smell something musk, like a dead animal or rotten meat. I look over at Sam, and I think she notices too. 
We start walking in silence, through the gate and up the trail. As we walk, she stops. 
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?” I whisper, getting anxious. Maybe it’s a wild animal, a wolf or a bear. 
“Hello!?” Sam shouts, and my eyes widen. Why would she do that, what if the animal looks at us as a threat now. I look around, expecting something to pop out, but it’s silent. 
“Sorry, I probably just thought I heard something,” she says, continuing walking. She notices my tenseness. 
“Are you okay?”
“No, absolutely not” I state, looking around again. 
“Hey I get it, this is weird, but we’re doing this for Josh right,” she starts, taking my hand, stopping me. 
“I hate to say it, but you need to relax. Nothing bad is going to happen, and people are just being friendly”
“I know, I know. I just can’t shake off this feeling that there’s something here”
“It’s because of last year. We’re all still thinking about it, so we know how you’re feeling”
I look up at her. She’s right, I’m not alone in this, and we’ve both been there for each other the whole year. 
“Yeah, thanks for the talk. It’s just… well, weird”
“It is, but I think this is good for you. This trip could be a way for you to let go, get some closure. They both would’ve wanted that for you” she says, before pulling me into a hug. I breathe, and some of the tension lifts. Thank God I still have Sam. When we pull away she looks at me, smiling. I smile back, before looking behind her. My mouth opens, eyes widen and my breath hitches. I grab her hand, holding hard. 
“S-Sam, c-c-careful. Stand s-s-till,” I whisper. She holds her breath while searching my face for answers. 
“Boo!” I shout, punching her with both my hands. She screeches, jumps and I feel her pulse in her hand. 
“Got you” I laugh, while she’s still trying to compose herself. 
“Fucking asshole” she says. I can’t stop laughing. 
“You know, you’re going to ‘wolf wolf’ me.”
“I can live with that” I continue laughing, before starting to walk again, her following after. 
“I’m joking, that was out of line, sorry” I say after a while. 
“At least you got to see my ‘frozen’ face”
“Yeah that’s why I laughed” 
We reach the gate, and a piece of paper is pinned on the lock. 
“The gate’s busted, climb over -Chris” 
“I guess we have to climb,” I state, looking at the gate. There are big spikes on the top of the gate, so I look over at the side. It’s a stone wall. 
“Right up my alley” Sam says enthusiastically. Of course it is. 
“I’ll give you a lift first if you take my bag” she says, already taking off her bag. 
“Fine, just don’t throw me over with those strong climber-arms of yours” I reply, taking her bag and making my way to the wall. She puts out her hands and I grab somewhere safe on the wall. She helps me get up, and I jump down the other side, looking up, waiting for her. 
“Gosh, the stones are cold” she complains, finally getting to the top. 
“Should’ve worn gloves” I smile, showing off my red-covered hands in a theatrical manner. She laughs before hopping down. I give her backpack back, and we continue up. 
When we finally arrive at the cable car station, the place seems empty. I see a couple of cars in the parking lot, but don’t want to check who they belong to. One of them must be Josh’s. I walk up to the bench, noticing a backpack and a ringing phone. My curiosity is immense, but I don’t touch it. Sam notices who’s bag it is. 
“Hey Chris!” she yells, looking around for him. 
“Hey guys” he answers, and we both turn around. He seems older, more harsh than the year before, but I don’t comment on it. 
“How are you ladies?”
“Well, as you can expect” Sam answers, still smiling. I smile as well, keeping the mood light. I don’t notice how much I’ve missed him before seeing him now. Something in me breaks a little. 
“Oh, so, I found something kind of amazing”
“What?”
“I’m not gonna tell you got to see for yourself” he smiles, grabbing his backpack and leading us around the house. We get to the other side where we’re met with a shooting range. Barrels and bottles stacked for hitting, as well as bags hanging from the trees. 
“Ta-da! Pretty rad right?” Chris exclaims, loving this a bit too much. Sam forces a smile, guns are not a source of happiness for a pacifist. 
“A gun range on the bottom of a ski lodge” I comment. “How… nordic?”
Chris picks up a gun before looking at me. 
“Well, have you met Josh’s dad?”
“Yeah”
“Then we shouldn’t be surprised” he says before turning and aiming the gun. I hold my breath, not comfortable with this funny clumsy guy holding a death-weapon. He shoots the bags and one of the cans. I’m kind of impressed. 
“Nice shootin Tex” Sam teases, not impressed. I guess it would take something better than shooting to impress her. She fakes an annoyed look before turning my way. 
“Wanna try?”
“You know what, sure. It’s been a while” I say before taking the gun from him, taking off my backpack and laying it beside me. 
“You’ve done this before?”
“Josh has taken me shooting several times, not hunting though, luckily” I smile, remembering how close we felt the first time he showed me how to use it. 
“I bet that’s not the only thing you two have done” he comments, a smirk on his lips. 
“Haha, funny guy” I tease back. Sam holds her laughter. I shoot a couple of bags, stopping when a squirrel jumps on one of the barrels. 
“I guess that’s our sign to start going to the lodge,” I say, leaving the gun and grabbing my bag. 
“Jeez, I wish Josh would take me shooting,” Chris says, and I smile. 
The cable car is coming, and Sam makes her way over there. I use the opportunity to grab ahold of him. 
“Hey Chris, about this year-” I start, but he holds a finger up, signalling for me to stop. 
“I get it, if I were in your shoes I would’ve done the same”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’s weird being back, but I’ve been wanting to clear up everything. We should keep in contact, even though you don’t want to talk to Ashley, I understand”
“When did you become such an understanding gentleman,” I tease, punching his arm and start walking. He lifts his arms in the air. 
“Haven’t I always been?” And I laugh at him. 
We all get in the cable car, and it starts moving up. Chris starts talking about how he and Josh met, and I pay close attention. I’ve only heard this story from Josh, and I love getting the different story-perspectives. 
***
We arrive at the top, I stand and try to open the door. It will not open. 
“Uh, guys, I can’t get the door open.” Chris tries, but can’t manage either. His response is to smack the window. 
“Ahh, what the hell!” I hear someone say. Jessica. I compose myself. 
“Jess! Over here, open the door!” Chris shouts. I see her through the window, and I bite my lips from having to look put together. Don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like you have anything against this piece of scum. I keep chanting in my head. 
She opens the door, and we all thank her. As we walk out, Chris starts whining. 
“Oh my god. I thought we were goners. Another ten minutes in there and I would’ve chewed off my own leg.”
“Aw, sick Chris,” Sam comments. 
“Look, I’ve got a lot of meat on my bones. This is all muscle down there.”
Sam rolls her eyes. “Yeah riiiiiight”
“Keep telling yourself that Chris,” I add, clapping him on the shoulder as I walk past him. He lowers his voice to a whisper. 
“Well, we all know who’s bone you want to jump…”
I turn around, mouth agape and eyes threatening. He immediately puts his hands up in defence, walking backwards two paces. 
“Just jokes, just jokes” says, voice cracking. 
“Dickhead”
“Notice how I’m not going to make another joke about that,” he answers. I quickly make a snowball and throw it at him, hitting his chest. Sam places herself between us, arms tense as if waiting for someone to attack. 
Chris uses this opportunity to snatch whatever Jess is holding. 
“Well, well, well… What do we have here?”
“Chris” Sam starts. He opens it, a surprised look on his face. 
“My goodness! Seems like someone has a crush on our good friend and dear class president Michael Munroe.” Shit. That’s not good. 
“Chris,” I threaten. 
“And what kind of sizzling erotica might our Jessica be capable of imagining, I wonder…”
Before he’s able to see more, Jess quickly snatches the item back. 
“If you must know-” she starts.
“Mike and I are together now.” We all look at each other. 
“Drama,” Chris answers. 
“No, pretty cut clean actually. Em’s out, I’m in,” she explains. I look over at Sam. She doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, Chris breaks the awkwardness. 
“Well, we should keep going” 
“You go, I’ll be waiting here for a bit”
“Waiting for Mike?”
“Just go”
We oblige, walking further and leaving her behind. The trail is quite big and visible. It’s comfortable to walk on. As we turn a corner, I see the cabin. The cabin where Josh is, where Ashley is probably waiting. The cabin which was the last place two of our best friends were seen alive one year ago.
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evervigilantnightshade · 3 days ago
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The Line - Part 6
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Reader and John have always straddled the line between playful flirting and taking things further. However when they are forced into a safe house and a secret comes out will they be able to save what they were heading for or is all lost.
Reader x John Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Laswell, Original characters.
Warnings for series: Angst, violence towards reader, reader attacked by men, a pup gets hurt (but don't worry he's ok) Blood, fluff, flirting, a bit of light smut. Death and killing on missions, Father of reader's death mentioned. Puking.
Authors notes: Should I start a tag list?
MASTERLIST
The rest of the team slowly woke and filtered into the kitchen. Once they were all there Simon addressed them. 
“I’ve decided it’s time to end this little road trip. It’s been hell and I think it’s safe to say we’re all ready for this to be over.” 
“Nah, tis been a stoatin time.” Soap said sarcastically
Simon looked over at him and he just shrugged with a smirk on his face. 
“I’ve changed the next flight for us. Instead of continuing to skip around we’re going to our final destination. Once in country we’ll drive the remainin.” 
“How fars the drive?” Kyle looked at YN 
“About three hours, maybe three and a half.” 
“Flights at 17:00. So be ready for 12:00.” Simon started to get up but Soap spoke up. 
“We get tae know what country at least?” 
Simon thought for a moment and then his eyes narrowed when he saw how intently Gaz and Soap were staring at him. He smirked when he realised what was going on. He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. 
“Canada.” 
“Fucking kidding me.” Gaz cursed as he pulled out his wallet and threw a few bills towards Price, Soap doing the same. 
“At least Ghost didn’t cheat us like he coulda.” Soap added and Gaz nodded 
“Someone want to tell me what's going on?” Y/N asked. 
“We’ve had a bet going since you joined the team.” Gaz explained.
“A bet? What kind of bet exactly.” Her voice rising. 
Simon reached over and put his hand on her shoulder to calm her down. 
“Well your file is redacted, and you don’t wear colours, so we all kinda bet on where you were from. Except Simon, now it makes sense because he knew, but at the time he told us he thought it was stupid.” 
“Still think it’s stupid.” Simon rolled his eyes. 
Y/N looked at them and then relaxed a little. 
“What were your guesses?” 
“I said American. You’ve a western accent and thought it was obvious.” Gaz explained.
“Not bad.” 
“I said British.” Soap offered  
“Yeah? Why?” 
“Well of the little that’s in yer file there’s a sniper program held in the UK. Accents easy to overcome.”
“Again, not bad.” 
“So sir, you goin to finally tell us how you knew. You were so confident we were convinced you were cheating.” Gaz asked 
“Didn’t cheat. Just paid attention.” Price said still not having touched the money in front of him. 
“Ye make it sound like she was out there eating hunners of maple syrup and apologising every three seconds.” 
Y/N smiled at Soap. She then glanced at Price, curious how he knew. He made eye contact with her and for the first time in days there wasn’t hostility on either side. 
“Go on then.” She nodded her head. 
“Well you have an accent. It’s faint normally but when you’re drinkin or you’re… particularly sassy it comes out. It’s not super strong, just certain words.”
She blushed and then looked around as if thinking before looking at him and nodding slowly. Price took it as a sign to go on. 
“When you write your reports, you use British English spelling, not American English spelling.” 
“Well that’s no fair, you read her reports, we don’t.” Soap argued. 
“Didn’t say it was fair, did I?” Price glanced at Soap and then looked back at Y/N. 
“You use Kilometres, Kilograms and Centimetres and you measure distance in time. Like you just did when Gaz asked how long the drive would be, you said hours, not distance. You call it a toque, not a beanie. And I knew instantly you weren't British because when you make a cup of tea you leave the tea bag in your cup while you drink it.” He shook his head disaprovingly.
“You don’t!” Gaz cried out with disgust 
“Should be illegal.” Simon added. “Hate when she does that.” 
“Come on lass, even I know that’s wrong” Soap spoke up. 
“What’s happening here?” Y/N shook her head. “You guys keep this up, the next time I make your tea I’m going to put the milk and sugar in before the water. Or heaven forbid, microwave the water” 
“You wouldn’t dare.” Ghost snapped, causing John and Soap to laugh. 
“That’s it, I agree with the Captain now, you’re off the team.” Gaz joked but the table went immediately silent. 
“Oh Gaz.” Y/N sighed and then hung her head, knowing what was about to happen. 
“What are you talking about?” Simon’s voice was surprisingly calm. 
Y/N looked over at Price, who was looking at Simon, a look of acceptance on his face. When Gaz didn’t answer him he looked at Y/N who made eye contact with him. 
“Simon…” 
“What the fuck is he talking about Y/N?” 
“Listen, let’s just go get ready for the flight home yeah?” Y/N said softly
Simon stood up suddenly, pushing his chair back with such force it hit the wall behind him. Everyone was on their feet then ready for what was about to happen.  
“What the fuck did you do?” He asked John, his voice rising  
He took a step forward but Y/N stood in front of him with her forearm pressed against his chest. 
“Si, stop.” 
He wasn’t looking at her though he was glaring at Price, breathing heavily. 
“Be a man, own up to what you did.” He pushed against Y/N. 
Price sighed and then looked at Y/N who was silently pleading for him to not say anything.  
“Don’t look at her, look at me.” 
Price’s gaze then landed on Simon. 
“When we were in Germany, I told her I wanted her off the team.” Price admitted and the results were explosive. 
Simon all but shoved Y/N to the side and she had to call out to Soap for help, who jumped over the table to help her restrain Simon. Price just stood there, looking resolved to take whatever Simon was about to do to him and Gaz stood beside him. 
“You think I’m going to stand by and let you kick her off the team? I’ll kill you first before that happens.” Simon yelled. 
“Come on then.” Price grunted back and Y/N looked back at him with anger. 
“What the hell are you doing?” 
“Let em go. Let’s get this over with.” 
His words put venom in Simon’s veins and he shoved Y/N and Soap almost breaking free. 
“Gaz git him outta here.” Soap called out 
“No. Come on.” Price yelled, slamming his fist to his chest. “I deserve this.” 
Y/N momentarily eased up on Simon looking over at John in distress. It was enough for Simon to break free and he lunged at John, tackling him back causing him to hit the wall. John hit Simon on the back with his elbow and Simon punched John in the knee causing his leg to give out. Using this opportunity Simon pulled away from him and punched him in the jaw and John punched Simon in the stomach. 
Soap and Gaz jumped in at that point and pulled them apart, both fighting them to get back at each other. 
“She’s not off the team you fucking prick.” 
“Enough. Y/N yelled. “It’s already done!” 
“No it’s not, he’ll take it back won’t he?” Simon still focused on John
“I wanted to the moment I said it.” John yelled back 
“I signed the papers this morning.” Y/N yelled now standing between the two men. 
Her words instantly caused them to stop fighting and focus on her
“What do you mean you signed the papers? What papers?” John bit at her his adrenalin still pumping. "Sorry, what papers?" He said more calmly.
“I had Laswell send me discharge papers. Keegan brought them and I signed them before he left this morning. I’m going out for bid.” 
“The fuck you are.” Simon snapped 
“Si, it’s over.” 
“It’s not. You can’t just leave.” 
“Look at us!” Y/N motioned around her. “All of this fucking fighting and drama has been going on since we decided to go home. And it’s all because of me and my choices. My choice to keep a secret, my choice for falling in love with my fucking Captain! What the fuck was I thinking?! This has all been a huge fucking distraction. Have you noticed we haven’t even spoken about Bako? Not once! The man we have been chasing for over a year. The man who literally sent us into hiding and we are talking about my feelings! I’ve lost sight of what I’m trained to do, we all have.” 
She looked at her team shaking her head.
“It’s better if I leave. You’ll all be better off. At this point I don’t even think I want to be on a team. I have an offer from Kortac but I think I’m just going to go solo. There is an American company that has been pursuing me for a while that promised me I could do solos and I think I’m just going to take it.”
“You’d just leave me?” Simon asked 
“It’s not about you.” she snapped. “It’s about me, I need to be alone, get my head on straight. Will I miss having you watch my six, of course. But I need this more. I’m just done. With all of it.” 
Y/N signed and then reached up to rub her face, frustrated with everything and everyone. 
“I need air.” She grabbed her jacket before heading out the front door. 
Simon shook Soap off him and then picked up one of the kitchen chairs, throwing at the wall. 
“Fuck you Price. Fuck you for not listenin to her when she said to wait until she could explain things. Fuck you for the things you said to her and fuck you for breaking her. Because that…” Simon pointed at the door Y/N just walked out of “ That’s a broken fucking Y/N.” 
He then stormed off and John put his hands on the table, dropping his head. They heard Simon stomp down the hallway and slam his door.
“Johnny,” John's voice was quiet
Soap stepped forward
“Go after Y/N. If she doesn’t want you there, follow at a distance. Don’t leave her alone.” 
Soap glanced over at Gaz and then left to go after Y/N. 
“I’m sorry sir. I didn’t mean to say it, it just slipped out.” Gaz apologised but John shook his head and then looked up at him.
“It’s ok Gaz, this isn’t your fault. It’s mine.” 
“You ok sir?” 
John rubbed his jaw and nodded. 
“I didn’t mean your jaw sir.” 
“I’m fine Gaz, go get packed up for the flight.” 
Once Gaz was out of the room John picked up one of the knocked over kitchen chairs and sat down. 
He'd thought that letting Simon hit him would make him feel something else besides this overwhelming pain he had been feeling. However hearing Y/N say that she loved him hit him worse than Simon ever could.
He sat and thought about everything Simon and Y/N had said to each other the day of Lasswell's call. He tried to think of what other possible situation it could be besides her and Simon being together. So many what if’s flooded his mind. What stuck with him though was that when Y/N said she loved him, it didn’t bother Simon. He wasn’t hurt or angry with her, hell he didn’t even seem surprised to hear her say it. 
“What have I done?” He whispered to himself 
He should’ve waited to hear her out. He did trust her and knew she wasn’t the person to be cruel and play games. She was the opposite. She was kind, a trait that was a part of the reason why he loved her. So why did he doubt her, especially when she pleaded with him to hear her out?
An hour later he was still sitting at the table when Y/N and Soap returned. Walking in the door they saw John but Y/N turned and went back to her room, not saying anything to him. Soap looked over at John, and gave him a sympathetic smile. 
“Better get ready Cap, it’s almost time to go.” 
John nodded his head and went to get ready, feeling defeated. 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The flight was long, and they all sat solo except Simon and Y/N.  John had a view of them and could see they were having a long intense conversation, but eventually they hugged and she ended up sleeping with her head on his shoulder for the remainder of the flight. 
The three hour drive seemed like torture to John, Y/N was sat in the front seat of the large pick up truck that Laswell had arranged for them and Simon drove. John sat behind Y/N and watched as she stared out the window not saying a word. At times he saw tears rolling down her cheeks and it felt like a stab to the gut. He tried to focus on the landscape outside his window, not being able to handle the guilt he was feeling, but it was mostly just endless snowy farmland and didn’t provide him with any form of distraction. 
Eventually they turned onto a gravel road and Simon reached over and squeezed Y/N’s hand. They were close.  As they peaked a large hill in the distance they could see a farm surrounded by a large wall of hedges. They approached the large gate at the entrance and Simon reached over to a keypad, putting in the numbers that prompted the gate to open. 
John watched Y/N’s shoulders rise and fall as she took a deep breath, something he also did before entering his own home. Letting go of the soldier to become a civilian. 
They parked in front of the house. There was a large window facing the parking pad and John thought he saw someone peer out but then they disappeared. Three big dogs came running towards the truck barking but Simon undid his window and whistled a melody with four notes and the dogs stopped and sat down. 
They all got out, stretching their backs with the occasional groan. Y/N went over to the dogs and was petting them all cooing and telling them what good pups they were. The boys grabbed their bags and started heading for the house. At the door though Simon stopped. 
“We’re going to go in, you’re going to remove your footwear and then follow me. Stay on my six and don’t deviate.” 
“Copy Lt.” Y/N whispered with a shake of her head and a small smile. 
They all did as Simon instructed and after removing their boots, followed as he went down a flight of stairs directly to the right of the door.
As they reached the basement there was a laundry room directly in front of them and then three closed doors on their left. Simon turned towards the doors and then stopped in front of one. Before he opened it though he glanced longingly at one of the other doors. It wasn't until Y/N put her hand on his shoulder did he snap out of whatever thought he was lost in. 
He led them through the door and on the other side was a small cramped hallway that looked like cold storage. At the end of the hall though Simon lifted a panel on the wall to reveal another key pad. He put the number in and a hidden door opened to reveal a staircase. 
They descended again and were once again faced with a series of doors. Simon told them to drop their bags in the hall and they entered the door on the right. 
It was a large room with hardwood floors and sleek white walls with some artwork hung spaciously. It looked incredibly modern compared to what they had seen of the rest of the house. There was a large table in the middle room with eight chairs around it. 
Simon motioned for them to take a seat and walked to the head of the table. Instead of sitting in the chair he pulled it out and Y/N took a seat. They all looked at her expecting her to speak but instead Simon spoke. 
“Ok it’s time we tell you all the truth.”
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pinkaditty · 2 days ago
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HI i love your works sm ,,, and i really love the way you write it just brings out soemtnhign in me ,,, but hear me out on leo kurosagi angst where leo keeps insulting pc and pc just took it well until he said something sensitive (maybe sth ab the way she eats? or sth abt her face etc etc) and hurt pc's feelings and he didnt feel bad when pc cried , but when he saw pc going over to sho and sho giving him dirty looks he feels remorseful but he didnt want his pride to crack so he blamed pc , and then when pc started avouding him he started mocking her but in the inside it hurt him and his pride slightly , afterwards he found out he actually has genuine feelings for pc but denies it , until he found out pc is now his bff's gf WOW i NEED him humbled 🤗🤗🤗
Pavlov's Ghoul (Leo Kurosagi x Reader x Sho Haizono; Tokyo Debunker)
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hey anon this existing is UR FAULT. (ilysm ty 4 the idea) and i hope u don't mind that I added my own little twist 2 it... hehe! even if u didn't expect me 2 write anything u can't drop a fresh, juicy steak of an idea like this and expect me not 2 salivate and tear it 2 shreds via writing it out.
OMG also TYYYYYYY IM SOSO GLAD U LIKE MY WRITING YIPPEE!!!!!!!!! i hope this is up 2 ur standards anon
a/n: why does this exist? blame anon and my inner need 4 a bitchy boy 2 be humbled amen! also i feel like i've completed my tokyo debunker rite of passage... ive finally written leo angst... nirvana at last.
summary: leo gets fuckin pavloved LMAO! considered calling this "ecstasy" or something bc of the pill line but ohh my god "pavlov's ghoul" hit too hard i fear.
cw: this isn't dark imo but be warned as this is just a little bit crazy, the most insane kind of yearning ive ever written maybe. implied sexual encounters, multiple sexual innuendos, and some odd behavior. MINORS DNI AS PER USUALLLLLL!
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Sho's kind, reasonably so. Leo knows this. Sho also has an infinite store of deeply repressed anger. Leo also knows this. It's the reason he's in Vagastrom, after all. A deep, roiling anger that seems to eat at him if he doesn't have an appropriate outlet to balance his mood. That's why he's such a good cook, why he's so good at fighting, why he's got an excellent sense of balance and rides his bike smoother than anyone else he knew. He's using these things as outlets for his anger. It's not Leo's fault that the occasional outing to trick and deceive another sexually repressed rich old man for money is something else Sho seems to derive stress relief from. And it's not Leo's fault that Sho continues to stick around with him after those jobs are done. It's never been a problem for either of them, as far as he can tell. At least, there were no problems until Little Miss Inspector showed up.
Suddenly, Sho didn't want to lie anymore. Suddenly, Sho wanted to go as far as to address you with the proper honorifics, ask for your help with setting up his food truck, and even generally spend time with you outside of that. And for what? Some trembling, scared, pathetic girl that knew nothing of the world of anomalies prior to her curse? Some girl doomed to "die" in less than one year, no less? He couldn't understand the kindness Sho showed you. It made no sense, nor any difference. You'd be dead soon, so what did it matter?
It's got to the point where he's begun to randomly put you down with petty insults and biting remarks. They usually consist of things like "Oh my god, even preschoolers know Anomalous Biological Basics! Come on Inspector, is your head screwed on right? Not even the Captain is this stupid." or "You remember your ability is useless when we need it, right? You'd be nothing more than a burden on missions if you can't even control this power. " or even "God, you're such a basic loser. Can't you find something else to do with your free time instead hang around Sho like a lovesick puppy? You're starting to look like that dog that's always around Kagami." and worse insults. He gets the occasional sidelong disapproving glance from Alan or even a slight furrowed brow from Sho, but it didn't matter to Leo. So long as he could slowly plant seeds of doubt in his fellow ghouls and put you down to satisfy his ego, even an odd look was negligible.
He couldn't even stand looking at you. The uniform they'd chosen for you was awful, didn't even highlight your curves. He hated the way you styled your hair, and always thought he could totally do it better. The way you seemed so relaxed around other ghouls pissed him off, why couldn't he be good company? He found you repulsive, unable to resist glaring at you from the corner of his eye whenever he could. He had to get rid of you somehow. He would never admit to feeling threatened by you; instead choosing to focus all that energy into believing you were simply throwing a wrench into his plans to live an easy, get-away-with-anything university life.
It's all come to a head today. Leo thinks he's had enough of seeing you at the food truck after hours, chatting it up with Sho. It's like he can't even catch this guy alone anymore. Before he knows it, he's made a beeline for the truck. His brand new shoes scuff on the brick path in his rush, and eventually begin to stain green on the grass, his brisk stride tearing through the verdant lawn. He tries not to let his anger show on his face, but it's evident in his posture and pace. He forcefully sidles himself into the conversation, leaning on the service counter next to you, not even waiting for you to finish speaking before he pipes up. "Wow, here again, huh? And here I thought a basic bitch like you would know her place! That mouth of yours must be good for something if he keeps a chatterbox like you around."
The chill settles into the air almost immediately despite his candid tone and relaxed, smug smile. He's so focused on your reaction that he hardly notices the look Sho gives him, twisted with displeasure and confusion. He watches as you visibly falter, your lopsided smile fading into a barely-there frown. He stares, unrepentant, laughing internally. This was the reaction he wanted.
He turns towards Sho and raises an eyebrow at his look. "What? She can take it." Sho's expression visibly wavers, and Leo fully expects him to back down, as he usually does. But instead, Sho turns to you and his face grows pale. Leo rolls his eyes, assuming Sho is totally overreacting, and turns to you. He stiffens at your visible tears. Okay, totally not what he expected, but come on. This was the insult that made you cry?
Leo notices Sho is at your side in record speed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, and gently drawing your hunched form away, giving Leo a harsh look. Leo simply scoffs. As far as he was concerned, your reaction was pathetic. It wasn't going to stop him from having any fun.
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This. Under no circumstances should this hurt. At all.
Leo had noticed you'd been avoiding him. You would slink away if he so much as entered the same room as you. You wouldn't look him in the eyes if he approached, keeping your expression impassive. Sometimes you'd just outright ignore him. It was beginning to become a bit of a nuisance. He couldn't properly mock you if you weren't there to witness it happening, or didn't give him the reaction he wanted. It was odd. When he faced these feelings head-on, it almost felt like he wanted your attention somehow, even if he didn't quite want it to feel like that. A nagging feeling told him that maybe he went too far with his latest insult. He didn't want to admit that, but something told him he did. It was in the way both you and Sho acted around him.
Sho was missing a lot of Leo's calls lately, sometimes not even bothering to call back. Leo partially understood, what with the food truck business booming and all, but he didn't appreciate being made to wait for his own best friend who's usually at his beck and call. Not to mention the flat, terse responses he would get from Sho more often than not nowadays. Leo knew Sho was miffed with him from last week's incident, but as far as Leo was concerned, things still ended in his favor. He hadn't seen you around Sho much anymore, which means he could go back to how things were. No more pesky little honor student to reign upon his days any longer! Sure, there was the biting underlying feeling that maybe he'd screwed things up, but one ride on the back of Sho's motorcycle, going wherever Leo wanted as per usual, and he was living the dream again. No way everything would change over a silly, insignificant insult.
For a short while, he begins to get bolder, openly mocking you when he does come across you. His originally surface-level remarks become rather personal, even using your eventual death as a way to tease you. From "You know, I'm surprised you haven't done anything to change up that unflattering look, considering you're dying soon. Ever considered dressing up a little? You might get some attention before you die." to "Hey, Little Miss Inspector! With the number of men you talk to around campus, I'm surprised nobody's written you off as a whore yet!", and worse, of course. He continues to get no such reaction out of you, and it frustrates him to no end. Why couldn't you just frown? Shrink away? Or even retort something just as scathing back to him? Your lack of entertainment towards his endless ridicule reduced his motivation, and slowly, it ended up dying off. Soon, he left you alone altogether, not talking to you unless necessary, mimicking your actions. In a way, some part of him hopes maybe this will be what gets your attention. Even if he can't quite admit to himself that your attention, regardless of whether it's positive or negative, is what he wants.
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It's late, but Vagastrom students don't go to bed until far later. And Leo needs a favor.
His crushing lack of success in garnering any sort of attention or reaction or rise from you had driven him to a point. He didn't want to apologize to you or anything, but this new habit of you ignoring him was beginning to stoke his displeasure. In his pondering, he remembered how easily Sho captured your gaze and wondered if maybe he'd have any idea of what Leo could do to at least put an end to this stalemate.
Leo's reluctance shows in the way he drags his feet on the path to Sho's room, less than eager to confront him for his opinion on something so shamelessly trivial. Why was he wasting his time with this anyway? Surprisingly, the lack of a solid answer to that question did not stop his trek. A twinge in his chest told him he knew exactly why he was "wasting his time".
In the month it had been since he'd made you cry, the nagging feeling had only gotten harsher. His mind kept flickering back to the shock of your tears and how he'd not bothered to consider it much further. An uncomfortable guilt had made itself known starting then. He never really expected you to cry; he just wanted a mild reaction. He wanted your eyes on him, flashing with anger, just for a moment. Your ire was a saccharine pill laced with ecstasy that he'd gladly crush with his teeth to speed up his high. Maybe it'd be too much to say he got off on it, but he enjoyed the way you used to roll your eyes at any comments from him a little more than he cared to admit. Now, he wouldn't even get that. It'd be rare for you to so much as make fleeting eye contact with him, not that something as small as that would be enough for Leo. Part of him was willing to accept that maybe, he'd gone too far. Maybe. But how else was he supposed to monopolize your attention when you give that out so freely? To his best friend, even?
He didn't know it was possible to covet something so terribly. He found himself wondering why he couldn't catch your attention in the same way as the other ghouls? In his quest for the same attention you gave so freely to the kinder, softer ghouls, he found another version of your attention. It was negative, but it was attention nonetheless. Your sweet, honeyed rage seemed to fill his cravings and then some, so he continued to devour it under the guise of "chasing you away" or "putting you down" or "satisfying his ego". In truth, for whatever reason, there was a rather bothersome and persistent envious longing, a covet, for your attention. Leo wants to vomit. A part of him denies it still, pushing his needless feelings to the back of his brain. He had something to do, and he ought to focus on that. What good would mere wallowing do?
He makes it to Sho's room and almost considers turning back. He stares at the door, his expression morphing into a complicated look. He shifted his feet, his slippers sliding against the floor. It was quite clear he really did not want to do this. At all. He sighs and grumbles indignantly, putting his head in his hands in an attempt to gather some courage. This couldn't be that hard, right? Just in, ask Sho a question, get an answer, then out. The only reason this was easier said than done was just because it could potentially show Leo was capable of feeling remorse, which would make this conversation leagues harder than it needed to be. He shakes his head and straightens up, preparing to knock, when he notices something.
Sho's room was... unusually quiet. Usually, Leo almost always heard some loud music or a cooking show running in the background, but he couldn't hear anything this time. Sho couldn't possibly be asleep. As late as it was, the only person who Leo knew for a fact could stay up past him was Sho, regardless of how much sleep he had gotten. There was no chance Sho was asleep. Believe it or not, Leo doesn't like to spy on Sho. But curiosity overwhelms him. What could he possibly be doing that would render the whole room in silence?
"Haxs," he whispers, listening closely.
The first thing he hears is the cling-clanging of Alan hard at work on a car in the garage. Not the sound he was meant to be focusing on. Then he hears endless jeering and loud insults shouted, though they're all muffled like they're underground. Another pit fight? Still, not the sound he's looking for. He sifts through the sounds he hears before he settles on the one coming directly from Sho's room.
Voices. Groaning, strained voices. The sound of wet skin against wet skin. Panting. Sho's panting, specifically. He could tell by the slight nasally tone of it.
Leo felt his face gradually warm. Christ, of course it'd be this he'd be up to. Leo muffles a laugh into the collar of his pajamas, keeping his hand clamped over his mouth as his body shook with mirth. When he finally calms down, he slinks off to the corner down the hall, and hides himself there, shamelessly still listening to it. Sho's a sly dog. Leo certainly didn't expect him to be getting up to anything this soon. He leans his body against the wall, crossing his arms and drumming his fingers on his arm, waiting for Sho to finish. He smirks to himself, as though enjoying the vocal show.
...
He had to admit, whoever he was with had gorgeous moans. He'd have to ask Sho if he'd be willing to pass this girl's number. He could use a couple things to get his mind off of you.
...
Okay, he had to stop listening to this now. He lifts his stigma and holds his hands over his ears for good measure, partially trying to hide the furious red blush across his face. As pretty as that girl's moans were, he was not going to listen to his best friend's climax. No thanks. He huffs out an impatient breath as his cheeks cool down, leaning his back against the wall, leaning his head back until it hit the wall with a dull thump. Now he just had to wait it out. He knew damn well Sho would never let a girl stay over. He'd never hear the end of it from yours truly, Leo.
Leo's right. It isn't long before he hears the door to Sho's room click, and hears murmured voices travel down the hall. He smirks, rushing down the hall in the opposite way, so it doesn't look like he was listening the whole time. He listens, waiting for a cue of some sort.
"Shame you have to go, you know." Sho's voice. Laced with relief, pleasure, and a thick tiredness. Leo's skin crawled. He could practically feel the smile in Sho's voice.
"It's not so bad." The girl responded with a light and playful tone, her voice seemingly much more put together than Sho's despite all that moaning. The voice sounded oddly familiar, but Leo brushed it off. Must be someone he shares classes with. "I've got things to do anyway. But it was nice to spend some time with you, Sho." Eagh. Leo internally hopes this girl isn't the type to get easily attached.
"...Yeah. Same to you. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Finally, he heard the girl's footsteps trailing down the hall, heading in his direction. Leo hurriedly pulls his phone out of his pocket, making sure the screen was bright as he flipped through the latest trends. He made a point of not looking up until he heard the footsteps nearing him.
He looks up, prepared for a simple glance, but ends up being rooted to the spot.
It was you. Of course, it was you. Who else would be taunting enough?
Despite himself, his gaze remains glued to you, his head turning as you walk past him. For a moment, Leo thinks you're just going to ignore him again. Then, suddenly, your gaze meets his in a flash, and he stiffens, almost out of fear. The way your eyebrows crease and the way your lips twitch downward almost makes him salivate. You were clearly displeased to see him. Even so, he notices you don't slow down, continuing your way down the hall, not bothering to crane your neck to look at him.
Leo remains rooted to the spot, watching your figure as you leave. His jaw hangs open slightly, his chest heaving with shocked breaths. His eyes are wide open, pools of gold reflecting your retreating form. His hand trembles as he holds his phone, the latest trends left neglected in the wake of a single mean-spirited glance from you. He feels his heart pound mercilessly in his chest, as though confirming what he'd tried so desperately to deny.
All at once, anger and arousal seem to grip him simultaneously. Anger at himself for feeling arousal from a mere negative glance from you. He couldn't possibly have craved your attention so viscerally he'd happily accept mere scraps. And yet here he was, a lap dog, watching you as you leave as though silently begging for another glance, another chance to watch your eyes burn with that familiar, delicious anger, another meal to satisfy his starved heart.
For a moment, he would have gladly followed you, and pestered you to death, just to irk you and become a willing victim of your wrath. Anything... just for that attention.
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a/n: wow. no stop why am i kind of in shock at the poetic lines i kinda think i did a great job! but 4 whatever reason it's always the writing i think was total shit that does actual numbers *sob*
aghhhh in any case. no i don't have an excuse 4 this. my requests are still technically closed. i just... couldn't help myself... so consider this a freebie. regardless though if u like my writing feel free 2 fill the fuck out of my inbox idnc i love hearing from y'all.
also TUMBLR KEEPS TURNING OFF MY REBLOGS!!!! GRAH!!!!!! tumblr hates me y'all they keep catching on2 me 4 writing porn :( so please if u really wanna show appreciation and tumblr won't let u reblog, leave a comment! those make me happy :)
anyways. usual note that i adore likes, comments, and tagged reblogs!! please tell me how much you like my writing, i love to hear it and it keeps me going! until next timeeeeeeee!
EDIT: I FORGOTTT QUICK EXPLAINATION: im assuming everyone knows pavlov's dog and the whole classical conditioning theory. this story is basically that mixed with the mere-exposure effect.
neutral stimulus: mc's presence
natural response: leo's arousal/excitement
response-producing stimulus: mc's anger
mere-exposure effect: psychological effect in which a like or dislike of things is developed merely due 2 familiarity.
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otomiyaa · 3 days ago
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Day 25: Boo
Solomon, Barbatos, Simeon x Reader
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[Miya & Mia’s Tickletober 2023] - Better late than never, on tumblr now. @hakurei-k
Word Count: 1.1K
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You weren’t sure what they were up to, but they were all here at Cocytus Hall. Solomon, Barbatos and Simeon. Seeing them so busy, gathered around something that had their precious attention, you couldn’t help but want to practice your stealth skills for no reason at all. You slithered into the room, and decided to attack the person in the middle for optimal results.
“Boo!” you yelled. The results were not optimal. Rather than scared, Simeon looked merely surprised and calmly turned around, and the chain-jump scare you were aiming for, with Simeon jumping, then startling Barbatos and Solomon as well for a nice little cry in unison, didn’t happen in the slightest. Simeon did show you a cute pout though.
“Did you hear that, Solomon? Your apprentice is boo’ing me. I’m deeply offended.”
You jolted. Eh? Boo’ing?! 
“Huh? No! I just wanted to scare you!” you said, and you then noticed that Simeon was holding his phone. Ah. They must’ve been helping him with something since you knew Simeon wasn’t the most handy person when it came to the D.D.D.
“You clearly were boo’ing Simeon. Poor Simeon. It is not his fault that he’s clumsy with his D.D.D.” 
Barbatos gave you the headshake of disapproval as he said this, and you gasped. 
“No, it was a scare-boo! Not a boo-boo!” Your explanation was the worst, but it didn’t matter. Whatever you would say, they were all approaching you and closing you in... Whaaat! 
“Solomon, I hope you do not mind if we apprehend our friend here for hurting Simeon’s feelings,” Barbatos said, and you squeaked when he gently but firmly grabbed your shoulder, pulling you back when you tried to dance out of the way.
“Ahahapprehend? Now wahahait a second!” You had no idea why you were laughing so nervously, it was as if your body already knew what was coming.
Solomon nodded. “Please, go ahead. I suggest a tickle punishment, they work wonders.” 
He didn’t need to tell them twice. Barbatos pulled you against him, and Simeon started to poke your sides playfully.
“Yay, tickle punishment!” he chirped. You threw your head back, and luckily Barbatos was much taller than you were or he would have received a serious headbutt.
“Guhuhuys! Come ohohon! I wahahasn’t booihihing Simeohohon!” you laughed, squirming against Barbatos. You squeaked when you could feel him lower his hands to your waist,and he squeezed gently, but it tickled so bad.
“Alright. Let me join in,” Solomon suddenly said, stepping forward and reaching for your stomach. You were now literally squeezed between the three of them, and each one of them tickled you with different techniques. 
Barbatos was digging into your lower sides at the moment. Simeon playfully poked you between the ribs and also tried to tickle your underarms which you were defending quite successfully. Solomon was… wiggling his fingers all over your stomach. Intense!
“HHAHAHa! Nohohoho! Guys hehehe- dohohon’t!” you warned. Simeon gave Solomon a judging look. 
“I wouldn’t do it like that.” 
Barbatos clicked his tongue. “Aren’t you being too rough?” he asked as Solomon spidered his fingers all over your tickle spots as if his life depended on it. Solomon shook his head.
“People, if there’s anyone who knows how to tickle my apprentice the best, that would be me, don’t you think?” he asked, and you wanted to laugh at Solomon addressing Barbatos and Simeon with ‘people’. But you were already laughing.
“Heehehehe NO- Nononono hahaahha!” you yelled when Barbatos finally took your arms and moved them up over your head.
“Go ahead,” he told Simeon who was still trying to tickle your armpits.
“Thank you,” Simeon said, slipping his fingers right in to poke at the centers of your armpits. Solomon bumped with his hip against Simeon, startling him.
“More like this,” he said, and his hands moved past Simeon’s and wiggled their fingers viciously against your poor ticklish underarms.
“WAHAHAH! Nahaha Solomon ahahaha plehehease!” you cackled. Simeon seemed impressed.
“He does seem to know what he is doing.” 
Solomon frowned. “Why are you even surprised? I am quite competent, you know. Also, don’t forget it was me who just told you how to quick-search a message on your phone.”
“But it was me who actually helped finding that message,” Barbatos argued.
“That’s because it was your message.” 
You had no idea what exactly was going on here, except that it was related to what those three were doing with Simeon’s D.D.D. And you couldn’t ask either. Just laugh.
“Simeohohon nohoho!” you laughed when the angel kneeled before you and tested the sensitivity of your hips and inner thighs, since Solomon did not intend to collaborate for the armpit tickle fest.
Meanwhile Barbatos gathered both your arms into one hand and used the other to claw at your ribs - all of a sudden way less gentle, much firmer than earlier, and you shook heavily and spasmed against him.
“Barbatohohoos ahahahaha!” you whined. How much more could you take? To your surprise, Solomon indeed proved to know you quite well as he raised his hand finally and invited the others to stop too.
“That’s enough, I think,” he announced with a kind smile. Barbatos released you and you fell into Solomon’s arms. 
“S-so mean,” you whined. Solomon chuckled and patted your shoulder.
“It’s fine to sometimes be mean. Can be fun, right?” he asked. You rolled your eyes fondly and blushed. It wasn’t that bad indeed, but…
“I found it,” Simeon chirped. You could see that he and Barbatos were casually resuming the D.D.D. business again as if that whole tickle attack never happened. 
“Good,” Barbatos said. Solomon joined them as well, and with his arm around your shoulder, he pulled you along so you could find out what all the fuss was about. It appeared that Simeon had lost a recipe that Barbatos once sent to him in a chat. Simeon wanted to find the recipe, but he did not know how to search through the chat, and did not know the keywords either. 
“Now I can make it for Luke. And…” Simeon poked your nose playfully. “You can have some too.” 
You blushed and nodded shyly. Solomon laughed. “Need a hand with that?” he asked, nodding at the recipe. Solomon and Barbatos immediately jolted and shook their heads.
“No.” 
You covered your mouth with your hand and held back a laugh before Solomon would notice. He kind of had the tendency to tickle you whenever you laughed at him, and you were still in your recovery phase from the triple attack just now. And all because… you wanted to startle them with ‘boo’! 
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the-universal-sun · 4 hours ago
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i had the idea that stan had been regressing even before being kicked out to cope with fillbrick - could you write a fic expanding on it? (im dyslexic my ass CANNOT do it myself 😭) like teenage stan regressing and ford taking care of him ykwim
Ooo I’ve never thought about a teen stan regressing. Thank you for the ask! Please let me know if it lives up to your expectations! TW for implied child abuse
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Stan sniffled, pulling his blanket tighter around his head. His head started started feeling fuzzy again after another fight with Filbrick. He thinks there’s something wrong with him, maybe all the fights he’s gotten into has messed up his head or something. When he gets all fuzzy headed like this, he finds it really hard to talk, and he’s not interested in any of that teenage stuff. He just wants to hold on to this cheap stuffed monkey he won from the fair a few years ago. Sometimes he has the urge to make sand castles, but he can’t bear the thought of someone seeing him like that outside of his room; his sanctuary where no body comes in. Nobody but Ford, that is. Ford’s the only one who knows about this thing that happens to Stan sometimes. He found his clutching his monkey and sobbing one day, and while Stan couldn’t explain what happened until after he stopped feeling fuzzy, Ford just sat with him until he felt better. He’s such a good brother. But Ford doesn’t know what this is either, why Stan goes fuzzy headed sometimes. Maybe he’s just a stupid freak-
“Stanley?” He flinches as he hears Ford’s voice, he didn’t hear the door open. He must be really out of it. Stan doesn’t come out from under his blanket, curling up tighter when he hears Ford walk over to his bunk.
“Stanley, are you alright? I heard you had another fight with dad. What happened this time-“ He doesn’t fight it as Ford pulls the blanket off his head, but he hides his face in the sheets when Ford stops mid-sentence. He’s going to be mad, isn’t he. Mad at Stan for being stupid and crying over nothing. He pulls away when his brother goes to touch his face, it hurts and he doesn’t want anybody touching it.
“Wh-what? Did dad…? Stanley, I-“ If Stan wasn’t feeling so bad, he might’ve giggled. He’s never heard his brother, who knows like a billion words, to be so speechless. But he doesn’t feel like laughing, his mouth is quivering because he’s trying to hold back his tears. He’s a man, not a big baby, and men don’t cry. No matter if he is feeling like a big baby sometimes, like right now. Stan clenches his eyes shut as Ford gets up from his bed with a sigh. He knew it. Ford’s mad at him, too. Mad at Stan for being a big baby who couldn’t dodge a simple right hook.
Ford comes back though, he comes back holding the cheap purple monkey Stan had named “Mookie”, a stupid name but he couldn’t think of anything else. He reaches out, needing to hold on to his Monkey toy and get comfort from it. “Here you go, Stanley, here’s your Mookie,” Stan still blushes whenever Ford speaks to him in that soft voice and uses his toys name, “scoot over. I’m getting in your bed with you. I need some Stanley time.” His brother explains when Stan looks at his, wondering why he didn’t want to go to his own bed with his own stiff sheets. Stan’s not going to argue against cuddling with Ford, that’s his favorite thing to do.
Stan sighs against Ford, snuggling his face into his chest and resisting the urge to chew on his shirt; he didn’t think Ford would appreciate that. He does wipe his remaining tears off on it, though. He feels Ford’s answering sigh ruffle his hair, his arms wrapping tight around Stan. He likes the pressure and warmth of Ford’s arms, he gets cold easily. Ford kisses his head before he starts talking. Stan doesn’t know what he’s talking about, probably wouldn’t even if he were right in the head, he thinks it’s about some research into a math problem. He doesn’t know, he just likes listening to Ford talk, it soothes him.
He still finches when Ford brushes his hand against his cheek, but he’s not as scared of Ford’s reaction anymore, it was silly of him to think Ford would be mad about this, not when he’s always had Stan’s back! He’s the best big brother Stan could ever ask for. He’ll tell Ford that when he’s feeling better. He just content to lay here with his and listen to his voice. He hopes he’ll always have Ford there with him.
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minzart · 2 days ago
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You know what? I'm gonna complain it is good to put it out with a semi(hopefuly)understandable way see if anyone else had the same thoughts or something
So yeah arcane season 2 ramblings bellow
I knew it would be a hard task to deliver after such a good season 1, like it had everything ending with a perfect cicle, the first step was the last
We got themes and coherent actions with it, the characters are Charaters as much as embodiments of the narrative and it's mensage
And it was all a tragedy in the making
I though they could keep the loop, at the end I never expected we to get close to see Zaun and Piltover being split. Never, they are sisters cities one hurting the other more and more as progress comes and their bridge burns and grows bigger and bigger but never splitting, a never ending cicle(to a never ending game)
It works in the first season and I wished they kept it running in the second,but nooo let's pick up an already solved tread and force it to work again.
What the fuck am I talking about? well, many things, one specifically is
The sisters arc.
I can't be the only who thought what season 1 was trying to say with the tea scene was that she IS Powder AND Jinx, and what she actually needed was for both sides(Vi and Silco) to shut the fuck up and let her BE HERSELF. At that time I though if we ever get a season two she would realize what happened that night, not as choosing a side as she puts but as a birth of something new, while VI could also realize her sister has changed and she is not dead but become worse, or spiral into a worse state of mind ignoring who her sister is and insisting she is dead and wtv that thing Jinx is is not her sister anymore(and that's only bc at that time i discovered her lol conterpart is an enforcer so i though hey Vi's gonna have a villain arc and people are gonna acknowledge she also has insues to work with right :D )
But what season 2 did was forget continuity they are trying to GO BACK and this time the narrative will repeat itself beat by beat but worse.
In season 2 they revived Vander(and that IS vander with a warwick skin), only to beat the man to death 3 times over and over, and worse, don't revive his fucking theme with it making him a plot device more than the character he is, and let's pull Silco right along with him and change all that mattered before with these 2 too why not.
And don't come telling me "but they foreshadowed warwick in season 1" I KNOW AND I WANTED TO SEE WOLFMAN AS DID EVERYBODY. But what I did not want was it to be Vander AGAIN. I wanted them to lean into the amnesiac aspect of his story, Warwick WAS a man before, he was someone ELSE, but now He is OTHER, he is not Vander and would never be, and THAT would be the link to conclude the sisters arc.
The direction I though they would go was to cherish the past, learn from it, and see that you did changed and yet not, you are you in all your gloric and flaws, the child you once were is still in you as is the adult you have become with. It. there.
You can not run from your past, you can not break off of it, else you are not yourself anymore.
In a way VI would trace Vander's footsteps but worse, I though she would lean in the protecting the status quo without thinking about it, yes she is from the undercuts but she has been 7 years in jail and the city changed without her in it, she wants to go back so bad, that she can't see she can't. There is no way she could go back, she is not Vander, and yes his ideas are alive but the time they worked not, a new twist has to be given to it, adapt it to the new present, a thing she can't do alone
And as paralels Jinx, would have traced Silco and not liked it one bit, I never got the vibe that she would by the end fight for a cause, she is no leader, and she is no dog either, she is chaos itself right? She works for herself at the end of the day, I hoped we would see she try and abandon that path altogether without noticing she would be the reverse.
Silco was a dictator in the making with the speech of freedom as his weapon, Vander was a keeper of the status quo in the name of "peace", read stability. Jinx would be an arsonist that accidentally spiked the dream of revolution, of freedom, in the people around her while VI would want to go back to "status quo" by the means of violence.
You see how that's an interesting talk? Yes the past was safety, and yet it wasn't perfect, and yes freedom is beautiful but to get there it will be gory. There will be loss to both mentalities.
It would what? Exactly, keep the goddamn theme of season 1. Maybe not perfectly, I'm no professional, but I can dream.
"But jinx did become a simble of revolution!" NO she did not, it was cute that Isha transformed her image in a simble of hope and that itself works someway for the theme they tried to do for her as just Poweder 2.0, bc that's all she is, the child self, nothing more. But that is not what I'd call satisfying for Jinx character from season 1. Added to that, what revolution? if by the end both sides made up by the power of third party enemy?
The Warwick variable would come to contrast both as a new character, maybe a victim of the status quo Vi is adhering and a psicological contrast to Jinx change.
As a side not LET SILCO DIE. LET HIM FUCKING DIE AND STAY DEAD LIKE VANDER IS. I don't want a backstory,nor flashback, nor memory trip, the past of these two was excellent as ambiguous, they are the mentors, the fathers, the side characters, ambiguity WORKS IN THEIR FAVOR, legends of their own making
What i asked of this arc was a paralel scene with Jinx and Silco to VI and Vander back in season 1, y'know? The one VI is knocked down and Vander's ghost basically comes back to give her a BRIEF pep talk that MATCHES HER OWN MINDSET AND HIS, BC THEY EMBODY THE SAME PARALEL? YEAH. AND I WAS HAPPY that Silco got his ghost moment, but... he would not... forgive, season 1 would not and Jinx in that mind state,nor before, would too, these two have one thing in comum and is SPITE, they are cocrooch that refuses to die despite being repeatedly beaten out of your home, wish that was the focus of these two in that paralel scene, but well... with the theme they choose he had to be changed
Mel Medarda what did they do to you my girl you did not deserve this
Now, to be fair her arc could be fixed with more episodes or just one more season just establish something that wasn't there is season 1, her magic powers. But in my rant I'm trying to see if there is just another way for her to go that could tecnicaly and not need another season
Arcane was fast peaced but at least it had a focus.
Season 1 focused on the sisters more than up top, everyone there, including Mel were more world building devices than characters to me, and season 2 changed the focus characters to Viktor and Jayce but forgot to bring with them their support characters wich explains to me why I feel so lost to half the casts motives and place in the story.
In the beggining I loved that we focused on her opposing her mother in every decision, and gave a paralel to her own path in season 1, when Ambesa says let's use hextech I wanted the show to scream the same scens as Mel had when she convinced the council to use it too.
I wanted the show to pick these people who says "wow Mel is so evillll she manipulates peopleeeee my poor babyyyy jayce noooo my himbo sonnn" by the throat and say "you want to see manipulation? I'l fucking show you it" and presents Ambesa as the foil.
Focus on a political intrigue to these two, buy time for wtv is happening with Viktor, Caitlyn, Vi and Jinx to cook, Ambesa wants an invasion, Mel doesn't.
Maybe the seeds for magical powers were there in season 1, Mels paintings(magic and art thend to be used interchangeably in some medias i think), Ambesa's music video, "why did you come here mother?", but it would need more time to flourish in a satisfactory way, or at least better presented.
"Oh your powers are growing faster bc the arcane is awaken" BULLSHIT I TELL YOU.
Mel is strong in her words, love a woman who can kick ass but love one that can make myself bend to her will with one word even more.
Actualy on second though you know what would made her arc suck less? IF THEY DIDN'T FRIDGED HER FOR HALF OF IT. If the black rose was not meant to be the big bad at the end then what the fuck was the point of taking her out of the picture(would it be too hard to make her magical powers manifest in the scene she was kidnapped insted of... kidnaping. Girl was playing detective already)? The only way I can think it was a good idea is bc they didn't want to make her and Caitlyn fight for the sake of a final show down with Ambesa, bc there is no way these two would be in speaking terms if they interacted during Caits dictatorship
Speaking of dictatorship, for more that I love it I also loath it bc they just didn't show the during reing enough and I blame they taking Mel down way too early(I love the path of anger and grief Caitlyn went). Imagine a world were down there it's an emotional conflict leaded by Vi-Warwick-Jinx and up there a political intrigue of Mel-Caitlyn-Ambesa. That ends with peace below and an explosion(fascist reing start) up there? A, say it with me, INVERSION OF SEASON 1 ENDING :) wouldn't that be NEAT?!
Maybe even end it right there and let it ambiguous. There is no need for season 3 if they don't can't do it, the open ending is the strong forte of this series for me especificaly.
But what about the rest? What about
Jayce, Viktor and Ekko
Gonna be honest, they arc is so over the place with who they were in season 1 that they fell completely unrelated to anything in there anymore.
Season 2 changed focus from the sisters to Jayce and Viktor, everything plot related was through them, the problem is, their choices and... themes? Were not previously established by season 1 and season 2 took both out of the picture and put doppelganger in their places.
For more that I love Jesus viktor... now that I saw the fans that know him as The Machine Herald complain about his arc I know what was bugging me with it too.
He didn't choose any of what happened to him, something that is and was, a big thing to him back in season 1 and his lol conterpart. You know, Sky was never a character, she was a warning to Viktor remember? She died, consumed by the hexcore because of his medling, and he still continued to use it, wasn't that supposed to be the warning sigh to us that Viktor was going to spiral? And yet...
By the end Jayce and Viktor are foils, even if the season presents literaly 3 versions of them in one season bc they didn't transitioned their chance as smoothly as I'd like. Bc for more gay and amazing that ending was... Jayce is not the same character he was when he shot Viktor, absolutely not, you are telling me, that he was given a mission to show Viktor the future, and his response was to kill him instead of try to allude to the end? That the Jayce that shot Viktor in the chest was the same Jayce that understood he had to hug the divine manifestation lf his partner in the Astral plane to show the future and esencialy die with him by the end?
Love how Ekko swinged by the end and bough enough time for that finale he literaly lived up to his expectations as the boy savior, but lord I wanted him to be so much more coherent, the narrative yanked him out of the leadership role he had in season 1 and made him a by stander and last minute deus ex maquina. HE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO ANSWER VI/Vander AND Silco/Jinx THEMES, HE HAS WAS THE THRID FACTION THE BETTER FUTURE, THE SIDE WE AS THE AUDIENCE SHOULD CHEER THE MOST AS THE NEW FUTURE FOR ZAUN. NOT THE LETS GET TOGHETER AS ONE TO DEFEND OUR CITY FROM THE BIG BAD NATION OVER SEAS- FUCK THAT.
Him and Sevika should join forces, their arc should have been bring down town togheter and focus on a better future, heal the now, even if both have diferent visions of a future they should agree to clean Zaun even if in diferent direction. I love him with Heimendinher, bc it could be amazing to see a founder of Zaun learn with the next generation of leadership, let's bring the spark of empathy back to the old man, lets show what community is again for him, a tall about how disconnected he had become from what were supposed to be his people,let him give propositions and Ekko oppose them but with compromises, a paralel to Jayce in that way too.
How Jayce was the pupil that went into politics and become corrupt, Ekko is the one who is a community leader and won't be corrupt, how Heimendinher was too cautious and practical for both parties he will be opposed but know to better compromise, learn again why humanity moves fast, we do not have eternity. Where Jayce failed Ekko will thrive, and it was to make that old man learn emphaty again.
So maybe the focus of these 3 should be the future isn't?
Viktor, by his own hands, would want a evolution were no weakness are present, and by weakness I mean emotion bc... the focus of his path in season 1 was to live, he wanted to be alive to make a name for himself, to be remembered, so maybe with his close dance with death with that missile it pushes him to realize humanity never changes and even when everything could end up right and peaceful, our personal vendetta would detriment any chance of progress, hence he starts a way to fix it.
Instead of... internalized ableism, is it a interesting talk? Absolutely but you can't deny it was poorly set up, he was dieing and he wanted to not be... I'm sorry but "your imperfection is beautiful" was done better with Entrapta and Hordak from reboot Shera
Bc by lol lore that was the conflict between him and Jayce right? Viktor wanted a hive mind Jayce didn't, it was a conscious choice from both parties, so there we have a divorce arc, and sexual tension with the enemie.
So yeah
These are my thoughts mixed with what I wish it was and complains... I have no idea if I make sense or not
But hey if you got to this end thanks for reading, and hope it resonated a bit with you, if not, well shit bro I did say I was complaining.
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fratboykate · 2 years ago
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i legit had to take a crying break lmao but im back and about to go into the tag to hurt myself again
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dykedvonte · 1 month ago
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wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment
Thank you and this is what I want to get across.
A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.
I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.
He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.
He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.
Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?
Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.
#i do believe Anya was a victum to Jimmy more than once before the crash but the game plays wit the sort of fear of waiting and stagnation#i believe the reason she decided to tell him was becasuse she finally broke down and tested to see if she was pregnant after one too many#signs and its why she went to hide the gun because she knew now that there was proof of what Jimmy did and was he would do anything to#cover it up and while she also didn't want the baby there was no sure fire way to safely induce a miscarriage or abortion cause shes smart#enough to know that hence her reading the illusion of choice and taking measures to protect herself#but in the hypothetical it was a one time occurence I think Jimmy would act like one single mistake shouldn't define him and Anya thinks#that if she did something sooner or said something sooner than she or Curly could've stopped all of it but that the hard thing taking actio#its so hard to be preventative to a person like they also have the autonomy to do things and no one on the ship is okay with actively takin#that away outside of Jimmy that its just a delicate issue and people act like it was a conscious choice not to help when he just helped#wrong he did wrong by not immediately punishing Jimmy but at the same time did he even fully get it yet? Jimmy immediately got into his hea#after like the sound design right before he confront him is telling like every track sort of gives you the feeling of the characters where#we cant see their thoughts because again the only two characters pov we get are Jimmy's and Curly's and even then we only get Curly's thru#the responsibilites he has to take like he is always tasked with something because thats his role but we rarely see him do something off hi#own volition cause hes a metaphorical cog in many of the machines the games comments on but he's not actively pulling a switch#also i think people latch on to the we can both be heros things too much when analyzing Curly because Curly very much is not happy being th#leader and current “hero” of the Tulpar he just wants out in a way that doesn't hurt and while he is still responsible for not doing more#the idea he could've easily nipped this in the butt acts like Jimmy was not a beast of his own and that he made Jimmy into the person he wa#vs the fact that Jimmy is a person on his own right that makes these choices others are forced to take responsibility for when he simply c#couldve not done evil shit like at the end of the day Curly is not perfect but not nearly or remotely as bad as Jimmy because for that hed#have to not care hed have to not have tried hed have to not try to take responsibility and he did just not in the right way but thats#subjective to the person and you can only realize you did fuck up after the results are before you and its tragic like this game is a#a tragedy no matter how you try and spin it. There's lessosn to be learnt but at the end of the day it telling the worst moments of peoples#lives and the certain inevitabilities that come with it#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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katyspersonal · 7 days ago
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Lrb dear god, this reminded me of that time when Alfred-chan got sooooo mad at my post explaining why fans should respect bisexual headcanons for Maria and Malenia instead of pretending like they're canonically lesbians and that they get oppressed and erased by mxf ships with them. They kept vagueing that post for like a MONTH in their blog including in tags under reblogs of Maria fanart, passively-aggressively changed their url to character+sexuality to "spite" me and then even made a sockpuppet account to start shit with me in the comments.
They deactivated when me and Val completely obliterated their "you cultivate lesbiphobic following by telling people why they should respect all sexuality headcanons instead of acting cultish or assuming their experiences and stereotypes equal canon confirmation" garbage with actual facts and logic tho but I screenshotted everything fjthfgfj (I learned to document everything the hard way after they've changed the she/they pronouns to they/they pronouns ONLY to accuse me of misgendering, so thank you for making me wiser I guess 😎). Even more vile, as they, a white person, larped as an Arab in that sockpuppet to hold even MORE "privilege" against me in discussion gjtjfh Because for them race, gender or sexuality are just badges of honor and dishonor, they don't see these as traits of actual human beings. And Dr Eugene X, who worked with them and weaponized her race to accuse everyone who disagreed with her of racism, didn't bat an eye at such a terrible act too?? As usual, rules are not for their friends, lol
It is not even the worst thing Alfred did, and yet all of this just, just, JUST because I wrote a point on why bisexual headcanon people did nothing wrong and there is no ground to claim something is canon when it isn't. 🤦‍♂️ Like, they were soooo convinced that I hated lesbian headcanons and that I'd feel angry if they called Lady Maria a lesbian, when what I was angry at is this exact toxic behavior in the fandom. No matter how much you like a headcanon, don't be a bitch about it. Maria doesn't """belong""" to any gender or sexuality, she belongs to anyone who likes her and is invested in her complexity as a character!!!
Yet, apparently, common Malenia simps / Finlay shippers are no better than common Maria simps / Mariadeline shippers. Just, wild how after shit like this, many people have the guts to claim that it is "sexist redditbros" who are the biggest problem of creators in the fandom. 🤦‍♂️ They'd actually blush if they encountered what such self-proclaimed "feminists" do to their own (!!!) over headcanons. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
#also fuck anna for thinking shit like this and way worse things alfred did is not as evil and toxic as#as me snapping at her for DEFENDING alfred#wiki: I can excuse stalking harassment cultish shunning bullying fantomette lying slander weaponizing identity but-#-I draw the line at katy getting too emotional when I admit as much uwu#granted she did admit that the reason for this is because alfred didnt concern her personally#she is probably the person I'll forgive last in this situation if ever#as much as I hate alfred they clearly have no empathy and compassion and lie for medical reasons#it isn't my assumptions they often reblogged this shit#I know mental illness is not an excuse for so much harassment for variety of reasons but-#-why would someone want to change if they medically can't feel guilt for their actions?#I feel bad for them and they hopefully will get help#as for Eugene idk... they seem to be a typical brainwashed youth#such people either change with age or get strongly bitten in the ass and get reality check#granted people who still follow her did admit she goes head hunting and then plays victim#as well as they only keep in touch because they worry they'll be dragged down if they are not at her good side#rather than because they like her posts (which are so untrue to BB that she can just make OCs anyways)#choir boy is literally just mindless sheep that didnt even have dignity to make it personal#hence is the name#I am sure he is lovely in his own circle it just doesn't concern me or my friend#but anna?#she knew what she was doing and has no excuse#fandomry rambles#it is also funny how they are four cringe failures and us are four based people#best AND worst groups come in four lol#also I know you all are dying to know how I can still hold grudges year later right?#it is hard to explain#I live normally and recover and not think of it but then scar starts to hurt#like you know how physical scars can react to weather or shit? mental can too
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acourtofquestions · 1 month ago
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Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:
She'd rebuild it—what she had been.
Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.
Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."
"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.
"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."
"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.
Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.
Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.
At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.
In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.
She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.
Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."
A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.
She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."
Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."
"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."
Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.
"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."
"I do know."
"And?"
"And what do you wish me to say?"
She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"
"If what?"
"If you wish it wasn't so."
His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"
She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.
It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.
"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."
She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.
"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."
She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"
"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."
"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."
"Then it is her choice, not yours."
Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."
"What did she show you?" A breathless question.
Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."
She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."
His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"
She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.
Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."
She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.
"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.
"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."
A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"
"We'll face it together," he swore again.
"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.
Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."
"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."
She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.
"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."
She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.
She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"
"I thought you might want to be asked first."
"That never stopped you before."
"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.
She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."
He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.
"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."
The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.
"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.
Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.
Together.
#Chapter 41#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#soulmates#mates#spoilers and notes in tags cause this chapter and also spoilers in post cause this chapter first read react with me read along#Rowaelin chapters scenes moments quotes#they want to make it possible bring that love to light#am I allowed to cry? — Again the word endured — finally the dream — the sand she still sees — he’s magic being steady — them talking time#again if Maeve could convince Rowan Lyria was his mate how bad was it when she convinced Aelin her actual mate was dead… this hurts me…#the fact Aelin stopped being useful because it destroyed her beyond belief but the dreams the dreams almost got her because its all she wan#again then both feeling sorry and the other not realizing and then consent and then comfort and love & I just wanted it2be U how could I no#I know you are tired Fireheart (ALL THE TROPES IN ONE LINE… UGH I MISSED THIS SHIP)#together. one soul in two bodies. their endgame like literally they are. I’d choose you too. even the apologies that were needed just heali#what it might have once been — together — not alone — not returning alone — the king and queen of Terrasen — I need u more — 2 whatever end#Aelin watched the boat until it disappeared trying not to stare too long at the clean unstained sand beneath her boots#always north — she didn’t care she just wanted far away — who knew — what she knew-the letters she sent-Valg-dark blood that had turned red#If it had been another dreamscape or some fragment that had blended into the very real memory of Connall's death. — always a plab&theory#all these things to deal with later-she’d rebuild all she had been-her match helper mirror-matched his piercing stare with her own-wait/res#A far cry from a queen's chamber or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin. — how far we’ve come-she had ENDURED she can do it#I'm your mate she said needing to voice it. And you are mine. — Lyria. — I do know. and?&what do you wish me to say?-this was perfect#If what? If you wish it wasn't so. His brows narrowed. Why would I ever wish that? — Aelin. she looked at him at the pain in his words#the way it's changed since Mistward... and grown... even in names like Whitethorn Galathynius together — the brain thoughts are back —#The kiss was gentle-light. Letting her decide how to guide it. So she did. — he’d do it all night if that was what’s he wished#Together we'll find a way their mingling breaths the crashing sea seemed to echo. Together. — mountains and oceans#Might’ve been before-thought snapped-the bond- u r my mate&I am urs-the world might have been burning for all she cared all he cared too#Together they would face this together they would find a way. — claiming him as he claimed her — a scar a marker a tattoo
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