#I JUST WANT TO WALLOW

[soapsod]

little wip

[ryvdraws]

his tboy swag and autistic coding have captivated me sorry

[deimcs]

You don't unsettle me, you know that. (x,x)

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Byrd: Teach us! Juniper: Okay! First, you’ve gotta put your hands above your head. Wren: Nuh. Juniper: This part’s easy. Byrd: Like this?! Juniper: Just like that-.. keep them there and bring your foot up against your leg, like this! [Byrd giggled, wobbling precariously as he mimicked his cousin] Juniper: It takes a lot of practice-.. c’mon, Wren! [Wren scowled, making a break for it; the only thing worse than dancing was being told what to do] … Having given up trying to reply to Alex’s latest letter, Robin stared listlessly at the star shaped stickers on his ceiling. He’d poured his heart out about how nothing ever went right, how he never fit in anywhere, how he was having a tough time at school-.. that he got in a fight, that he kept imagining what it’d be like if his parents died, particularly his father; he’d briefly considered asking what’d happened to her mother too but he’d thought better of the whole thing and viciously crumpled his pathetic attempt into a ball instead. Maybe he ought to burn it in the sink so no one else would read it by accident. He felt bad that he hadn’t replied yet but he’d been in such a foul mood recently that he couldn’t think of anything remotely interesting or fun to talk about, and the last thing he wanted to do was bum her out. He rolled onto his side as Wren stomped toward his door; it rattled familiarly as her little fingernails fiddled with the lock. Robin knew it was her because he could sense her current disdain, and she was the only one of his siblings who’d learnt how to do it-.. plus, if it were either of his parents, they would’ve knocked.

Wren: Juni’s tryna make me dance! Robin: She’s not gonna make you do anything. [Wren grabbed Robin and shook him with urgency, yanking at his hair with desperation] Wren: I’m gonna hide in here, okay?! [Robin sighed; reasoning with a six-year-old, especially Wren, was rather pointless] Robin: Sure. Wren: Wait-.. where��re you going?! Robin: Does it matter? You’re safe in here. Wren: Robinnnnn. Robin: Get off me! Wren: I wanna play! Robin: So, play-.. just don’t delete all my saves again. Wren: You do it! I wanna watch. Robin: I don’t really wan-… Wren: Pleeeeeeease? … Robin: I can’t play if you’re gonna squish me-.. get off. Wren: Uuuugh.. I can’t, I’m stuck. Robin: Move! Wren: [gasps] What is that-.. kill it! Robin: I don’t have anything to ki-… Wren: KILL IT!

[quirkle2]

[zombie au] yeagh

[sparky-is-spiders]

Thinking about Jon mourning his relationship with Elias and doing it alone.

Thinking about Jon having so many little fond memories of Elias. Discussions with him when he still worked in research. Little bickering arguments from when Jon was first promoted. His fondness for scheduling. Thinking about Jon missing those times so much that it aches. Thinking about Jon mourning the person he thought he knew, the person he did know, the connection they always had. When Elias is in prison and won't even see him. When Elias is in the panopticon above the world, far away from Jon. Thinking about Jon still caring about Elias, missing him despite everything.

Jon would have all those little memories of Elias, I think. And he would pick over them, and wonder which ones were real (all of them, in a way), and which ones were lies (all of them, in a way). And he would never be able to say anything. Because he's the only one who ever had that connection to Elias, and by the time Elias is out of Jon's reach nobody who would understand is left.

Just. Just thinking of Jon mourning his relationship with Elias, and having to do it alone.

[utilitycaster]

You know what's interesting to me? For all people keep claiming at every juncture that perhaps Bells Hells will come around on the gods and see the harm they do (which, as discussed extensively, is, half the time, simply not intervening) not only have they never done so, but also they never quite cross the line into saying the party should join the Ruby Vanguard or aid them - and indeed, they defend against it - so what does this achieve? It feels like they're asking for a story in which the party stands idly by, which isn't much of a story nor, if I may connect this briefly to the real world, a political stance anyone should be proud of.

That's honestly the frustration with the gods and the "what if the Vanguard has a point" conversations in-game. What do we do then? Do we allow the organization that will murder anyone for pretty much any reason that loosely ties into their goals run rampant? The group that (perhaps unwittingly, but then again, Otohan's blades had that poison) disrupted magic world-wide, and caused people who had the misfortune to live at nexus points to be teleported (most, as commoners, without means of return). While also fomenting worldwide unrest?

Those were the arguments before the trip to Ruidus; with the reveal of the Vanguard's goals to invade Exandria, the situation becomes even more dire. Do you let the Imperium take over the planet?

And do the arguments against the gods even hold up? If Ludinus is so angry at them for the Calamity, what does it say that he destroyed Western Wildemount's first post-Calamity society for entirely selfish means? (What does it say about the validity of vengeance as a motivator?) What does it say that Laudna told Imogen she could always just live in a cottage quietly without issue before the solstice even happened? (Would this still be true if the Imperium controls the world?) What does it say that when faced with a furious, grieving party and the daughter she keeps telling herself was her reason for all of this, Liliana can't provide an answer to the question of what the gods have done other than that their followers will retaliate...for, you know, the Vanguard's endless list of murders. (That is how the Vanguard and Imperium tend to think, huh? "How dare your face get in the way of my boot; how dare you hit me back when I strike you.") She can't even provide a positive answer - why is Predathos better - other than "I feel it", even though Imogen and Fearne know firsthand that Predathos can provide artificial feelings of elation. Given all the harm Ludinus has done in pursuit, why isn't the conclusion "the gods should have crashed Aeor in such a way that the tech was unrecoverable?"

Even as early as the first real discussion on what the party should do, the fandom always stopped short of saying "no, Imogen's right, they should join up with the people who killed half the party," it was always "no, she didn't really mean it, she just was trying to connect with her mother." Well, she's connected with her mother, and at this point the party doesn't even care about the gods particularly (their only divinely-connected party member having died to prevent the Vanguard from killing all of them). So they will stop the Vanguard; as Ashton says, the means are unforgiveable. As Laudna says, it's not safe to bet on Predathos's apathy. As Imogen says, she's done running; the voice that she used to think of as a lifeline belongs to someone she doesn't trust. So I guess my question is: if they're stopping the people who are trying to kill the gods (and defense of the gods isn't remotely their personal motivation)...do you think the next phase of the campaign is Bells Hells personally killing the gods? Reconstructing the Aeor tech and hoping none of their allies notice? How does this end? Does your ideology ever get enacted? Or is this entirely moot and pointless and the story ends with Bells Hells saying "well, I'm really glad we stopped the people who [insert list of Vanguard atrocities from above]; none of us follow the gods or plan to, but honestly, the status quo we return to is preferable to whatever nightmare Ludinus had concocted in his violent quest for power and revenge"?

[astral-schools]

do you remember when we felt like the only two alive?

[traumadumpling]

Guys I'm not ready.

I don't wanna put my cat to sleep tomorrow.

I'm trying to be the strong one of the household but ooooooof it's hard.

[hoofpeet]

If I wasn't in the middle of an eviction trial I'd refund all the commissions I just took; it's a complete embarrassment to even think about charging money for the dogshit I pump out.. sorry regardless and I will readily refund any slots if anyone comes to their senses

[pcktknife]

it might b getting to the point if I stay up past 11 I start getting a teeny tiny itty bitty passively suicidal. nothing crazy but it is like mildly annoying

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

random but it struck me that age is just another parallel/anti-parallel that Jon and Jaime will share. Jaime was 16/17(?) when he made the fateful choice to kill Aerys, which forever besmirched his honor and caused him to be “the Kingslayer” (deragatory). Jon was about the same age, 17/18, when he made the fateful decision to march south against the Boltons, something that will undoubtedly dent his already shaky reputation and could cause him to be “the deserter” (also deragatory).

We always talk about how Jaime stagnated and wallowed in his nihilism after Aerys’ death, never growing or maturing past that point; in a way, he was always mentally stuck at 17. Jon could very well die given the wounds he received during the mutiny, and though he will be revived, he will be always be physically stuck at 17, never maturing past that point. But I think Jon has been more successful in a way that Jaime never was in that he figured out quite early (when he was 15) that though he may lose his honor, he must keep pushing for the greater good. He understood the concept of “a bastard’s honor”, and is even more fortunate to receive Tyrion’s lesson of using one’s lowly position/lack of honor to his advantage, which he has been doing to enact what he considers to be the moral goods (ref “bastard” “guilty of that, at least”). P.S: I also think it’s funny given Aemon’s advice to kill the boy in order for the man to be born. Ironic that Jon will always be a boy physically.

Jaime grew physically but not so much mentally. Jon grows mentally (it’s actually his strong suit as a character how much he matures with each book) but he will have sacrificed the ability to age normally as a boy would. Jaime lost his honor at ~17 and is characterized but years of (mental) inaction. I think Jon, on the other hand, will lose his honor but will be more and more prone to making decisions, because to hell with it all.

[bubacorn]

[cherrymiffy]

the desire for romantic butchfemme love is eating me alive actually

[dearansur]

going back to drawing feels so scary because it's confronting myself and what i am and what i failed and making peace with the fact that my life fucking sucks and i'm a failure who is rotting in poverty under fascism and occupation and that i'm too deep into my head and too overwhelmed with my shame to recognize it all and strive to be better instead of feeling like i need a gun to my head and a bullet to hit me straight in the brain.

huh. anyways

[faradayys]

its clear that astarion covers up his hurt with anger, as seen when you 'replace' him with another companion in act 3. he instantly backtracks and calls the entire relationship a mistake.

with that in mind, I wonder how he must've been feeling after you reject helping him in the ascension ritual and he storms off, wishing that you'd die screaming. i wonder how he felt when he comes back to his senses, finally free from the blood that was confusing his mind back in dungeon, and realizes that he is completely alone again, without the party, or the rest of the vampire spawn, or, hell, even cazador to go back to. i wonder how he felt when the party defeats the absolute, and what he must've thought when he realizes that he can no longer walk in the sun anymore. when his skin starts burning, he has no one to mend his wounds, say a soft word, or look after him.

do you think he keeps to himself in your old campsites, wishing he hadn't left? hugging his knees, wishing he could take back what he said? after a long time of traveling with others, do you think he can bear the emptiness that he becomes far too aware of every second he's awake? do you think he forces himself to get up when he hears the crowds chanting your name and the others, his feet stumbling over each other, in the desperate hope that he'd get to see your face and the others'? but perhaps, by the time he clumsily manages his way out, the parade has already passed by, and all he can do now is watch your dwindling figures from afar, as he's left behind in the shadows.