#I HOPE THIS SHOWS HOW MUCH I CARE

[bobardo]

BANG! BANG! SLUMBER PARTY

a celebration for getting over 900 followers.

y’all this is kinda crazy 😛 anyway hi sweet people!! welcome to the slumber party🙂‍↔️ thank you soooo much for all the support, love, and kindness you cuties have given me, it means the world!! so come join the party! i’d like to share my gratitude and nasty thots w you guys 😚🫶🏽

if you think this song is about you, it is!

PARTY PLANS ๋࣭ ⭑.

send in your filthy silly thots or choose from a list of prompts (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) and then send me an ask requesting what you’d like me to write! the slumber party starts sep. 30 and ends oct. 5. enjoy my pretty freaks!! (reqs closed)

PARTY PLATTER ๋࣭ ⭑.

harry styles. jeremy allen white. aaron taylor johnson. jon bernthal. charlie cox. sebastian stan. andrew garfield. dylan o'brien. oscar issac. pedro pascal. henry cavill. chris evans. carlos sainz. charles leclerc. daniel ricciardo. glen powell. austin butler. mike faist. josh o’connor. michael fassbender. calum turner. paul mescal. rudy pankow. drew starkey. hayden christensen. ryan gosling. & ross lynch.

PARTY PREFACE ๋࣭ ⭑.

* = smut, d = dark, f = fluff, a = angst.

this slumber party is, evidently, multi-fandom; i will write for both the actors themselves and the characters they've portrayed in various television and/or cinema. i will not write incest, water sports, animal play, or beastiality. everything else i’m generally pretty open to, including stepcest and supernatural/monster fucking. i will be deleting any content i deem unsuitable for my blog, however, out of both safety and comfortability. if i see it as necessary, i will modify/tweak the dialogue prompt picked to better fit the flow of the story—i am working around the requested prompts, but there is a fluidity to my writing that i’m inclined to follow. lastly, please be kind!! to me and to others. when sending in an ask, remember to be respectful, as well as when responding/reacting to someone’s request or my execution of it. best put, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. have fun!

REQUESTED WORKS

mean dom!harry uses sub!reader as a table.* biker!bucky makes his girl stupid.* boxer!carmy nsfw alphabet.* sugar daddy!jeremy allen white. threesome w harry styles (fmf).* art donaldson comforts reader. jealous fwb!harry styles.

you said i’d “never do it!”…i did!

masterlist. navigation.

.·:*¨༺ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ ˚ ༘ 𝜗𝜚 ⋆｡˚ ᅠ❀ᅠ ༉‧₊˚. ༻¨*:·.

[crescentfool]

judgement day 🌕

[robbyykeene]

Anyway I wish this show was actually bold enough to give Miguel an arc exploring his feelings of entitlement over the captaincy spot. Throughout the show Johnny has repeatedly told Miguel that Robby is a lost cause but hey, It’s okay because he has Miguel now. That Miguel’s his champion, his Number One Boy. So how could Miguel not feel at least somewhat entitled to the captain spot? How could he not feel insecure about his place in Johnny’s life with Robby not just back in the picture, but now literally taking the number one spot? When Johnny has repeatedly put into both kids heads that when it comes to his love and attention its one vs. the other, how could there be no lingering feelings of resentment and jealousy?

[mourn-and-watch]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"

[redge]

Things I read on the internet that's a declaration of hate for Kana and my reaction (hoping I feel better after typing them all out)

"Kana makes everything about herself"

Did she want to be an idol? Did she want to be a center girl? (Girlie don't even know what a center girl is hahahaha). In Tokyo Blade, did she want the spotlight? That one time Kana wanted anything for herself is when she told Aqua her new dream. She did not even have a graduation concert. She did not have that movie that director told her about. In 137, she was praised for being a handy actor that can uplift others and improve herself and was described as "lacks opportunity" and many chapters after that, she still did not have an opportunity for herself. Kaburagi said they'd sell her as genius actor but that was not addressed anymore. So where is that she makes everything about herself when nothing was sbout her anyway? Not the idol career. Not as an actress. Not as a human loved back by the one she loves. She did not become anything she ever wanted so really how was this all about her? No I really want to know, how did Kana make everything about herself? Like I am really curious where this is coming from ah why do you hate Kana so much? 🥺

"___ best girl compared to Kana who only cries all the time"

Why can't we just go with the "____ best girl." period. Why do you need to put down a character to praise another character I am genuinely curious. I mean my favourite character has always been Kana but not ever did I hate on Akane or Ruby or anyone because why would I when all these characters have different stories of their own? And why do these girls need to compete with each other anyway?! Who's giving out the crown and sash? What's the point??? Your favourite is the best girl for you. Okay! Other's favourite is best girl for them. Okay, too! That's perfectly normal so why are you fighting each other I do not understand 😭

"despicable for slapping a corpse"

Kana slapping Aqua was something that belonged to them. No one knows that conversation except Aqua and Kana (and us, the readers). Miyako's reaction was very valid because she does not know anything about that conversation. Which is why when Kana told that to the dead Aqua, Miyako's reaction wasn't angry anymore. Miyako was in tears. I honestly would have killed Aqua twice if I were Kana really so a slap is nothing compared to the emotional wreck being in their lives brought her. Kana deserves to be slapped for hurting a corpse yes I agree but Aqua deserves that slap too for thinking that him dying is the great solution to whatever problem they're trying to solve.

"Kana is useless"

And what a heartbreak that is. Kana is perservering, patiently working on all the things she want to happen and absolutely nothing went her way. Kana is a representation of someone that tried and tried patiently but everything she did just made her feel useless. She grabs every opportunity, creates opportunity for herself but she is never enough. If killing one's self was a contest, I'd definitely compete Arima Kana as candidate. I would even forgive her if she just goes feral all of a sudden with all of the things that happened to her. She's useless, you say, but was that her fault?

"Kana does not deserve to be happy"

and why not? I say everyone in Oshi no Ko deserves to be happy. So why deny that to Kana?

But really. Why is she getting so much hate?

[skruttet]

What are your thoughts on s4? Personally I was actually kind of disappointed, a lot of the characters felt... off?? Not like themselves. Snufkin really didn't appear much and the Comet Episode was confusing and wasn't really all that Book-Accurate... And Snufkin got the 90s Movie treatment :(

Like there were definitely scenes and a few episodes I liked, but overall I feel weird about the season. And I'm curious what your thoughts are.

I will say that overall, I was disappointed.

To be fair to the series though, it arguably largely stems from my personal expectations and hopes? The two biggest disappointments for me were Joxter and Snufkin not meeting, and snufmin's relationship.

The Joxter stuff on the whole I adored, and really could never have dreamed of happening. Just seeing him - or any of the Oshun Oxtra crew, really! - interacting with the characters in "modern day" is great. And then he reunited with Mymble and it was so exciting, and then Little My started wondering about him and Snufkin, and then-! ...They didn't meet. Honestly baffles me why they'd give us so much fanservice but not include probably the main thing most fans would want to see with Joxter. Also interesting that they're afraid to even touch Snufkin's issues with family but they KEEP bringing up Little My's.

The snufmin thing surprised me because my expectations were LOW; during the wait I kept telling people not to get their hopes up, that snufmin would never be explicitly "canon", etc. And I still say they would never do anything explicit with them, however, I was expecting at least for the relationship to be on the same level as it was in season 3, but it seemed to take a step down unfortunately. I wanted more romantic subtext, more hints that something was up between them, and for about the first 4 episodes I thought Moomintroll and Snorkmaiden were finally just interacting as friends and I was hopeful, but unfortunately it was soon clear that they were still supposed to be romantically linked. To their credit, Moomintroll and Snufkin's relationship does maintain some of the development it grew throughout the series, and it funnily ends up presenting it almost as one-sided on Snufkin's side; he's now so much more openly affectionate and patient with Moomintroll, and their communication is a whole lot better, but the latter continues to pursue Snorkmaiden instead. I think Snufkin himself feels so mellowed out in this season, like he's no longer fighting against his own feelings or pulling away from others as much, which is nice to see (though I can see others complaining he's too out-of-character compared to his original counterpart, which is understandable, but I'm personally fine with the characters being "different versions" of themselves in adaptations).

Another disappointment for me was, like you mentioned, the Comet finale... it just wasn't as epic as I thought it'd be, and the stakes weren't high from the start, and after the journey was over the rest of the episode taking place in the valley was a bit dull and directionless. And inaccuracies from the book I expect by this point, but I'm personally not a fan of the ending change with them all just waiting outside to die but the Groke sacrificing herself but actually this is a family show so she's actually alive yaay 😂 Just a bit strange and not the send-off I was quite hoping for.

On the positive side, I LOVED Mamma and Pappa this season. Moominpappa kinda stole the show, and whilst the creators clearly favoured him in past seasons, in this one he finally lost that meanness he sometimes had in s1-3, so he was just a delight to watch.

The guest stars and characters were fabulous, which is a bittersweet thing as it makes it all the more sad that this is the final season and it's all we'll see of them.

The animation and music and sound and acting were all as wonderful as they always are. The crew did such a great job and it's a shame the story decisions dampened the experience for me.

[clovariia]

i finally finished designing the side characters for my g5 mlp au!! i'm sure i'll adjust these designs more later, but for now, here are my visions. now i can finally start drawing more stuff for this au!

(you can see my designs for the g5 mane 6, sparky, sprout, opaline, allura, and twitch in this post!)

[jounosparticles]

jouno’s eyelashes - a quick analysis

yes im analyzing jouno’s eyelashes. im obsessed with him what can i say.

one thing i’ve noticed throughout my many rereads of jouno’s segments of the manga is that he is actually given eyelashes in a lot of the panels he is present in! often times they’re just thin white lines but they’re definitely there. here are some examples.

now, if we recall back to what harukawa said about eyes a long time ago:

the darker ones eyes are, the more tainted or corrupted a person is. someone who is doing good and/or feeling good may have whiter eyes. to rephrase, one who’s eyes are dark are typically doing something corrupt and/or are in an emotionally bad state. we see this numerous times throughout the manga with many characters, the shade of their eyes changes with their emotion at the time usually.

now what does this have to do with jouno? well, i believe his eyelashes are used to display his intentions since he keeps his eyes closed constantly.

now, there are definitely some exceptions to this. panels where his eyelashes are small could be hard to colour this way, so im looking past a few instances for that purpose.

anyways, i believe looking at his eyelashes in this perspective also hints towards his betrayal of fukuchi, since you can see he has good intent. more on this later.

i'd also like to preface this by reminding you that jouno believed he was in the right with most things he did. he was sure the agency was in the wrong for a long time, times where his lashes were white while dealing with the agency was likely because he believed himself to be doing what is good.

now, starting with his debut in chapter 57, his eyelids are almost completely black as he arrests dazai

his eyelashes appear a bit darker as he torments people i find.

such as shortly after he slices kunikida's notebook and asks tetchou to kill yosano.

one scene i actually want to put a lot of emphasis on here is chapter 78's interaction between jouno and kunikida.

here is his face when he first walks in, he's simply making small talk over how a terrorist attack is awful

we can see his lashes pretty well.

we can also see it well when he's talking about his asian pear. maybe he just really likes them.

however, as the conversation progresses onto tormenting kunikida, his eyelids casually grow darker.

they're not completely black yet, but you can tell he is enjoying bothering kunikida despite his claim of innocence.

after this, you can see his lashes are a little brighter as he announces that yosano is going to be executed.

this makes sense remembering that he is under the belief that yosano is guilty of terrorism and is getting the punishment he believes she deserves.

after this, jouno walks away as kunikida cries out in anger.

his eyelashes are almost completely black here, likely because he is getting nothing but personal enjoyment out of kunikida's grief. he isn't doing good by this and this could definitely be seen as corrupt behaviour.

a huge contrast to what i've been saying falls in chapters 71 and 72, the cafe scenes.

you can see the white of his eyelashes in nearly every panel he's in.

what makes this different than when he was bothering kunikida is that bothering the cafe owner was moving his case forward. he believed he was pursuing justice and doing what is right by extracting important information here; as opposed to doing nothing but mentally torturing someone who isn't improving his case. from his perspective, his actions weren't tainted in anyway except possibly approach, but since he was doing what was right his eyelids were painted white.

another example of this is in chapters 60 and 61, when he is fighting the agency for the first time.

and when the agency escapes and he's surprised to find out the pursued terrorist group would have allies in chapter 62.

i found that these three chapters had a lot of small panels where you couldn't really see the detail of his eyes, but generally they were white as he caught the criminals. they were also white as they escaped, since he was likely confused that people were easily supporting the group he perceived as evil.

my last example of this is his eyes being very white as he tortures the bank robbers in the flashback scenes in chapter 92.5.

he believes that he is seeking justice here. the robber gets what they deserve, and his intentions are what he believes in just which explains his eyes being white.

anyways, to summarize this all: jouno's eyelashes colour often displays his morality. his lashes seem to be coloured more white when he is doing what is morally right from his perspective. even if what he is doing is considered brutal by most, his eyes glow white if it is in pursing of justice or good. in contrast, if what he is doing has no overall benefit and he is just distressing someone for purely his own enjoyment, his eyelids often are coloured much darker.

however, as i said above i believe this subtly hinted at jouno's betrayal of fukuchi.

in chapter 92, we can still see by his eyelashes that he has the right intentions when hunting for the agency.

and towards the end of the chapter we see his eyes still have a small white streak, implying his bluff on actually being willing to switch to the other side. at the same time, the thinness of the lash could be so small because he is lying to his superior as well, which i suppose could also be seen as tainted behaviour.

however, after fukuchi's plan is unraveled we see the brightness shine again.

as i stated above, when he isn't doing what he believes is right or is tormenting people for no reason but his own enjoyment, his eyes look black. but if you look at the image below you can see his eyes are partially coloured white, hinting that he was going to do what was right. it is subtle colouring, i assume that is partially due to the fact that his face was rather small on the page. but regardless it is still noticeable.

and what do we know? he did switch up and betray fukuchi shortly after saying this.

with that in mind, there's one scene i deliberately avoided bringing up until now; the scene i believe heavily tries to avoid hinting at jouno's betrayal of fukuchi. im referring to the scene where jouno confronts aya.

as i said, if jouno is acting corrupt towards someone for his own fun, his eyelids are dark, but if he's doing something that he believes is just his lashes remain partially white. i believe that out of context his eyes would likely be black as he torments aya, however since he secretly had good intention they would have actually been white.

however, the readers had yet to know the context of his approach until the end of chapter 93, so they needed to hide the fact that he may have had good intent here.

so harukawa kept his eyes covered (or coloured his face differently) throughout the scene.

the most we see of his face in this whole scene is his side profile, which is small enough to not need to colour his eyelashes in.

i believe this was an intentional choice to keep the readers from guessing that he was doing something he believes is right here.

anyways, to sum up this segment i believe that jouno's eyelashes in chapter 92-92.5 subtly hinted at the fact that he was indeed siding with aya and was preparing to betray fukuchi.

in conclusion, i believe jouno's eyelashes hint at his true intent a lot. they show that he is a good person hiding behind a facade. the shading of his eyelids is a lot more subtle than how most character's eyes look in the manga, which i believe helps add more to jouno's somewhat moral ambiguity. he is an incredibly well-written character and i can't wait to see more of him!

[dreamyintersexouppy]

idk i do like hearing peoples perspectives and arguments about transfeminism, but i believe what i believe about it because the arguments for it are effective and the evidence we have supports their conclusions. yea they also help me conceptualize events in my life through a transfeminist lens but that is what theoretical frameworks are For, they begin with the evidence and describe the experience.

i think semantic arguments and talk of empty unity and dismissing through sexualization are just as much tactics of argumentation and to me they're are highly ineffective in doing anything but making the people using them look good to an uninformed observer. its the reason we say a lot that some people here have a "vibes based politics" because it's clear from their arguments and rhetoric that they think of these arguments as a way to display an image rather than to actually have a discussion.

thats why im pissy and get upset and block people, they're just wasting peoples time for their own egos rather engaging with any of these concepts or acknowledging that what they know might not be totalizing. the desperation to have a perfect unsullied and intelligent image is why posts like mine pointing out a subtle dogwhistle will get backlash that amounts to telling me i'm making it up. i am communicating to them that there is a piece of knowledge that they might not have considered or even known is offensive to them so they reach for reactionary defenses instead of treating the trans woman in front of them like a person

[scarletfasinera]

I hate when people are like "I already didn't like xyz so it's not difficult for me to boycott it unlike those loser customers that actually Liked the thing which I could never understand bc I was never a customer uwu" bc like. That literally isn't boycotting lmao. That is just Never Being A Customer In The First Place, which means nothing actually.

Boycotts are primarily about applying pressure (or completely making it impossible to operate) via financial/commercial/economic impact. AKA it's about money and capital.

If you already weren't spending money on a product/franchise/company, then you were already never part of their sales data, and you just doing nothing & making absolutely no change to your daily life and just continuing to not be part of their sales data as normal, has literally no material impact. You were already never a factor. The people who WERE customers & WERE part of the sales data & ARE withdrawing their money from those sales figures actually ARE making a material impact.

"Supporting" something isn't about vibes or thoughts or feelings or you telling your best friend how much you like a thing, "support" in a meaningful sense is specifically material. It is financial. Refusing to continue supporting something means taking the money you were previously spending on it & putting it elsewhere. If you were never spending money, you were never supporting it, and therefore it doesn't make any difference if you continue to not support it. Boycotting is something CUSTOMERS and CONSUMERS do.

SO STOP FUCKING BRAGGING ABOUT IT & STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ARE BOYCOTTING FOR "EVER LIKING XYZ TO BEGIN WITH" & STOP SPREADING THIS FALSE IDEA OF HOW BOYCOTTING WORKS LMAO sorry for capslocking I remembered I was annoyed

I just hate this low-morale mean-spirited bullshit some people do in the notifs on boycotting info posts where they arbitrarily moralize about something they just don't understand so they can pat themselves on the back for doing literally literally nothing AND inadvertently spreading misinfo in the process. Be quiet. Go do something that matters. There are plenty of posts going around, including from Palestinians themselves, with lists of references for how to help Palestine & other similar causes for people currently in crisis, please please do something For Real instead of boasting online about your fandom superiority complex as if it means anything.

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

There’s no way Jayce came out of the fucking Infection Dimension perfectly healthy except for his leg (and his mental health)

He had an open wound on his back before he even went in!! and then the one we saw on his leg! (which was broken in fucking half!!) like did y’all see how thick the fog was?? He was breathing that shit in for months!! That man was probably dying!!!

[demigodofhoolemere]

Does Disney know that one of the best friendships ever depicted on any of their television shows was that of a nerdy teenage boy and his step-uncle the redeemed former villain?

[civetcider]

My toxic masc trait is having a really hard time putting my emotions into words unless they are somewhat aggressive ones and i have been slowly trying to express my affection for people into words more but at the end of the day I'll always be somebody who expresses my love more with actions then anything else, and normally I wouldn't make a dumb ass tumblr post about my feel feels either cuz like who cares but I need to know if other masc and butches or like anybody else have experienced this too where, people just WONT GET IT? like I'll try to SHOW someone I love them in every physical way I know how and then they will be like "how was I supposed to know how you feel, you never said anything" crushing my heart into a million pieces, like a punch in the gut, i was trying to show you but i guess you just like didn't notice or my actions didn't mean as much to you as they do me, it's fine I'm fine

[good-beanswrites]

john x fuuta ?👉👈 or 090309

I love the dynamic between them all, thank you for the request! I went with an earlier meeting for them (well, one of the first times Fuuta's aware of speaking with John, at least). As much as I joke about Fuuta being starstruck by his strength in the attack, I tried to take a more serious route for the "something to rely on" vibe.

John’s eyes flicked over Fuuta, sprawled out on his bedding and looking up expectantly.

“Man, you look like shit.”

Fuuta scowled deeper. “I asked for the reason you’re here in the middle of the fucking night, not your opinion.”

“That is the reason I came.”

Somehow, amid all the other things he had to worry about given the horror of the past few days and exile that followed, Mikoto had still found the time to lose sleep over Fuuta’s condition. John had always liked the guy, but he wasn’t in the business of watching over people he didn’t truly care about. He didn’t know what Mikoto saw in him to cause such an overreaction.

Though, with the futon dragged to the bars of the cell, and bathing him in the dim light of the guard’s tower, it was becoming clear that Mikoto’s concern was indeed warranted. Fuuta appeared deathly. The fresh injuries had been bandaged, but there were stains where blood was beginning to seep through. His eye – the one that had survived the ordeal – was bloodshot and rimmed with dark bags. His hair was as tangled as the rumpled hoodie it poked out of.

Fuuta was still staring in anticipation. It took John a moment to understand why. 

“You recognize me.”

“No shit. Mikoto came in here like a fumbling idiot earlier today. He wanted to make sure I was okay or whatever. Like I’d be okay after what happened!” He paused, a clanging from someone else’s cell briefly distracting him. “But you… the way you carry yourself… it’s different.”

“Not that different. I’m here for the same reason.”

The plan was simple. Once Fuuta slept, Mikoto would relax, and everyone would be happy. If it turned out to be his injuries keeping him awake, John didn’t mind crushing Fuuta’s pride and explaining his weakness to the doctor to get more painkillers. If it was noisy neighbors, he’d teach one of those girls a lesson the following day. If the problem was just plain insomnia, well, John’s swinging arm was still completely functional...

“I just want to make sure you’re sleeping.”

“Don’t tell me you’re as disgustingly sentimental as him.”

John’s expression twitched. He didn’t appreciate the condescension. That was Mikoto’s most admirable trait, after all – offering help to others even when he was falling apart himself. He was so selfless, so self-sacrificial. It was no wonder John felt compelled to do the same for him. But Fuuta…

“Ugh, he’s always trying to be buddy-buddy with everyone around here, it makes me sick. Nice words don’t do shit. Look where his friendship with Kotoko got him, eh? That’s what these fools still don’t understand – you need to face these things head-on.”

“Oi, don’t be hard on me just for caring.” He didn’t say it as any sort of gentle encouragement; it was a command, and Fuuta understood. He snapped his attention away from where he’d been peering around the bars. “The world needs more people with that kindness. That optimistic view of life, of others, no matter what – it’s why I’ll do everything I can to save me.”

Silence stretched after the intense comment. Fuuta was looking away again, and John couldn’t read him. When he did speak, his voice came out more defeated than expected.

“Tch. Well. Not all of us have that luxury.”

“Of what?”

“Of you.”

His eyebrows raised.

Cheeks reddening, Fuuta hurried to add, “I mean someone to have your back like that. I wish I could be half as relaxed as that, but I can’t afford to let my guard down. I need to be strong myself, I don’t have anyone else to take care of my problems for me.”

It hit him suddenly, that everything came down to that. Relief washed over him, now that a clear, easy, (and nonviolent) solution had presented itself.

“What if you did? I could take over your little sentry duty for the night.”

“W-what do you –?”

He gestured to where Fuuta was laying. “No need to play dumb. You’ve been keeping an eye on everything, even the other side of the guard’s tower. The sounds from around cell eight have caught your attention. You’re positioned so you can see cell six, but haven’t moved all the way over, because cell ten has easiest access from the right.”

“The others would say it’s pointless, or that they’re handling it. I’m not buying it, though. I don’t care if they say it’s crazy of me to do.”

“I think…” John’s posture softened. “I think it’s very selfless of you.”

He was constantly amazed at Fuuta’s tendency to react to everything as if it were some world-shattering statement just told to him.

“So?” He prodded before Fuuta’s expression could grow any more wide-eyed. “How about it?”

 “I mean… they told me about the attacks… what you did…”

John set his jaw. No matter how many times it had happened in the past few days, it still stung to see how quickly people turned against him because of the fight. He thought they all had come to terms with each other’s capabilities for violence, but as usual, the moment he showed his true face, the world turned against him.

Of course Fuuta could never relax knowing such a violent and unpredictable person was sitting right beside him through the night. It was a miracle he hadn’t panicked immediately at the sight of yet another cold, towering figure appearing at his door in the middle of the night.

John stretched his right arm across his chest. It looked like his original solution still stood. Fuuta said problems should be faced head-on. Surely he’d understand this was for his own good.

“…Yeah, okay.” Fuuta gave a decisive nod. He beckoned with a jerk of his head. “I trust you.”

“I –” John blinked. “What?”

“You understand me. You understand what it takes to be in a place like this.” His gaze flit away momentarily. “You’re incredibly strong. You’re prepared, and have good instincts, and your confidence is –" Noticing how intently John was listening, he interrupted himself to bark, “but don’t think I couldn’t handle this on my own! It’s only because you offered, and it’s a smart move. I’ll just sleep for a bit, we can take shifts. Wake me in three hours, okay?”

“Fine by me.” A little lying was definitely better than what else he’d had in mind.

Fuuta moved his futon over a few feet so John could settle into his carefully chosen spot on the ground. Everything was all set to begin keeping watch, until a new sound rose up to drown out the other noises in the panopticon – soft snoring from beside him.

He glanced over in disbelief at the instantaneous security Fuuta had sunk into. All the tension had melted away from his face and shoulders. He lay completely at peace.

John had achieved his goal. He should be celebrating. Instead, he couldn’t help heaving a heavy sigh.

How did he end up with two self-destructive idiots to watch over?

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

Okay I've been meaning to respond to a post but Tumblr won't let me reblog it for whatever reason, but I feel like my response has enough context on its own that I can make it it's own post.

So this is in response to multiple posts I've seen people make about Wilson telling House that he wishes he had been an asshole like him, House responds that he would still have cancer, and Wilson says, "Yeah but at least I'd feel like I deserved it!"

There are so many people saying that Wilson had absolutely no reason for saying that, that they can't understand why he would say it, that it didn't need to be in there, and how dare he say that to House after House helped him so much after his cancer diagnosis.

There was a reason behind it, just because it's not a happy reason, doesn't mean it's not an understandable one. I think the way Wilson sees it at first is that House has spent his entire life pushing people away and hurting them so that he doesn't get hurt in return. House has abused and ruined every relationship he's had. House constantly hurts people, and yet, he gets to live. Wilson, on the other hand, has practically dedicated his life to helping and taking care of others. He's maintained this nice guy mask his entire life, and yet Wilson, who has lived what others would call a good life, who has been what others would consider a good man, is the one that gets cancer and is going to die.

Wilson feels like he wasted his life being a "good man" instead of just doing and saying whatever the fuck he wanted like House. Wilson is jealous of House. Wilson is laying there on the couch in insufferable pain with death looming over him, and here's Gregory House, asshole extraordinaire, who's alive and well (as well as he usually is). That has to really fucking hurt.

This idea that "omg how could Wilson do that?? He said that for no reason!!" Is just not true. Wilson said it because he's was in excruciating pain and terrified and just found out he was going to die in a couple of months. Wilson was scared, and he was lashing out, which is a very human reaction. House does it all the time, Wilson is not special in the way he reacts to pain. The entire series is full of House berating people and hurting them and saying awful things, and pushing them away. He does that to Wilson multiple times. And Wilson forgave him every single time. And so when Wilson is in pain and lashing out, House knows not to take his personally, and that's why he basically immediately forgave him.

House and Wilson know each other well enough that they can see behind the harsh words, and understand each others intent. Ideally, Wilson would not have said that, and he should have apologized, but that was not a crazy horrific reaction. It's true, House has done a lot for Wilson during their relationship, especially after his cancer diagnosis, but Wilson has also sacrificed for House. After the infarction, House lashed out and pushed away and abused everybody until they all cracked under it and left. Everybody except Wilson. Wilson put up with the constant humiliation, degradation, pain, and abuse from House.

Wilson put House before everything in his life, including his marriage. Later, Wilson refuses to vote to get rid of House, and therefore loses his spot on the board, and the job that he loved and put so much of his life into. All to protect House. Wilson lies multiple times to the police to protect House, risking his freedom if they found out. Wilson and House constantly sacrifice for each other, it's just what they do. Neither one of them is "better" or "worse", they just are.

If they switched roles, and House was the one with cancer, House would definitely lash out as Wilson, no doubt about it. And Wilson would forgive him. Wilson has such a realistic reaction. It doesn't matter how many times you see people diagnosed with cancer and think that it's not personal, that cancer doesn't have an agenda, nothing can prepare you for when it happens to you or somebody you love, and a lot of the time, it feels incredibly personal.

How we react to dying and sickness is not always rational, and anger is a stage of grief. This is Wilson trying to grapple with his death, and that doesn't always look pretty. Sure, it was a fucked up thing to say and House didn't deserve it, but Wilson wasn't just insulting him for the fun of it. He had a very realistic, understandable reason behind it.

Not going to lie, I see people all the time talking about this scene in particular, with such a surface level approach to it. They act mad or confused, and talk about how they have no idea how someone could possibly hurt their favourite characters. So yeah, Wilson saying it was a shitty thing to do, but there is no way it was the worst thing anybody said, and he had very obvious, complex reasons for it.

I honestly love this scene, and I think it gives so much insight into Wilson's character. Wilson finally lashes out and exposes his grief in such a raw, mean way is lowkey a pivotal moment for him because he's finally letting himself be the "bad guy." And yeah, they weren't forced to put this in the show. It's literally fiction. They don't have to put anything in. But it fits so well. So yeah, just because he has complex reasoning for why he said what he said, that doesn't mean the reasoning doesn't exist.