#I HAVE TO FEED MY KID ALLIGATION!

[nishastisowl]

Some doodles I drew with my friends

Idk if they got Tumblr so I put Tea instead-

@teaziey

[genericpuff]

All the cool kids use ComicFury 😘

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[fishsticksloser]

Can i request rottmnt x female reader (separately) hc of reader who have a pet male turtle from the same type as their boyfriend and how the turtles (separately) react to it? Will they be proud, amazed or straight up jealous?

Pet Turtle

RotTMNT x gn!reader

Warnings: jealous turtles, fluff, aged up, swearing

A/N: Thank you for your 3 requests after I opened my requests again <3 I'm so happy! Do you like the names I gave the pet turtles :] Also in captivity alligator snapping turtles have been known to live up to 70 years!??? Does that mean Raph can live to be far over 100? How does that work?

Donnie

You had someone you wanted him to meet

So he was panicking, of course

Your parents? Your best friend?

So when he showed up to your apartment, he looked shaken

You looked him to your bedroom, which he's never been in

He sees a giant glass box with water and plants inside

This box took over an entire wall (Spiny Softshells get big)

"This... is Plato."

"Plato?"

He goes up to the box and sees a Spiny Softshell, basking under the heat lamp

"You have a pet turtle? Not just any turtle, but a Spiny Softshell... Like me?"

"Yeah, he's been my pet for... 15 years."

He's very confused

Why do you have a pet?

Why are you dating a humanoid version of your 15 year old pet?

"I...... What the fuck?"

He puts his hand in the enclosure and the softshell hisses, snapping at his hand

"Careful, Dee. He's aggressive."

"15? I've got 8 years on this guy."

Leo

"Hey, Leo? Can you come here?"

Leo came to your bedroom, stopping at the door and knocking

He's never been in your room, so he didn't want to overstep

"Come in."

He stepped inside and saw you feeding your pet

He didn't know you had a pet so he froze

"You can come closer, he doesn't bite... Well... He does sometimes..."

Leo came closer, seeing a turtle in your hand

"You have a pet turtle?"

"Yes, this is Apollo. My red eared slider."

"You've got to be kidding me..."

He watched as you pet Apollo's head, the turtle rubbing his face against your hand

"Been with me for 15 years."

15 years? That's 13 more years than he's had with you.

This was an outrage

Hold on... Why is he jealous of a turtle?

He's your man, your #1.

Still he couldn't shake his jealousy, watching you talk and pet Apollo

Mikey

You asked Mikey to come over

You told him that you wanted him to meet your pet

He was excited

Did you have a dog? Cat? Bird?

He was shocked to see a tank with water and plants

He didn't think of you as a reptile or amphibian person

You leaned over and picked up whatever was in the tank

"This is Monet."

"A box turtle?"

He held his hands out, asking to hold him

"Wow... He's pretty."

He really didn't know what to say

The turtle was very beautiful

You placed the turtle in his hands and he froze

"Are you okay, Mike?"

"He's just like me!"

Mikey looked up and smiled widely

He absolutely loves Monet

He comes over when you're not home sometimes to hang out with Monet

Then he learned Monet was 15

Blown away that you've had him for so long and didn't tell him

Raph

He was meeting someone important to you

He was dressed up, anxious about meeting whoever it was

He got to your place and you showed him to this pond outside your house

"What are we doing out here?"

"Raph, I'd like you to meet Popeye."

He looked where you were pointing and saw an alligator snapping turtle

He wasn't as big as he's heard they get, maybe half the size

"You have a turtle?"

"I've had him for 15 years."

He knelt down and Popeye rushes him

"Raph!"

You knew that Raph could take care of himself

But Alligator Snapping Turtles are very aggressive

Popeye tried biting Raph, but didn't have much luck

His arms were far wider than 5 inches (which is how wide they can open their mouths)

So it barely managed to pinch him

Raph laughed as Popeye continued to try and get a good hold

He had a feeling they'd be good friends

[great-and-small]

Hey, I'm about 40 mins west of St. Augustine... is the Alligator Farm worth seeing with my young adult kids? Thanks for any input you have:)

Absolutely huge yes! The Alligator farm is legitimately one of my favorite places to visit and I think anyone could enjoy a day there. It’s a little unique as a zoo because there is much more focus on reptiles and birds than on mammals (though they have mammals too!). If your kids have even a whisper of interest in crocodilians and birds they will be in total heaven. The AF rookery is probably the best place in Florida to see nesting spoonbills so a visit during the spring and early summer is a must if you have any bird enthusiasts in the mix.

I can also personally attest to the high quality of care provided to animals at this facility. I did some field work there in vet school and was constantly blown away by the individualized care for even their tiniest of critters. The Alligator Farm was also the first zoo in the United States to get a perfect score from the AZA- which is an amazing accomplishment! You can be confident that the animals you’re visiting are in really great hands, which means a lot.

If you get a chance to go I’d recommend catching one of the feedings with their saltie Maximo, he’s an amazing animal.

[honeytama]

Date w/ Matt in Dallas, TX Headcanons

Matt Dierkes x Reader

A/N: I made my first moodboard?? Wild. This is dedicated to Matt being a proud Texas man 🫡

Content: Pure fluff, established relationship, some suggestive content, Matt and you being cute at the Dallas World Aquarium and Serious Pizza in DTX

Word Count: 1.1k

This is for the Matt lovers out there: whether you’ve been to Dallas, are from here, or haven’t been. For the sake of these headcanons, where Reader lives is open/undetermined.

Matt gets excited when he hears you haven’t been to the Dallas World Aquarium. 

“It’s like my fourth favorite place ever.”

You ask him what his first favorite place is.

“Probably, in bed, with you,” he winks.

You blush and slap his bicep.

“I was going to take you on a date there tomorrow, but I guess not,” he jokes, shaking his head.

You beg him to take you.

“Alright, alright. Just make sure you wear some comfortable shoes,” he constantly teases you about choosing to wear Dr. Martens with every outfit. They’re comfortable, what can you say?

The next afternoon, you’re in his car with his hand on your thigh as he drives you to the aquarium. The radio blasts with a blended playlist of your two’s favorite music.

He parks and you both make the walk to the front entrance to buy your tickets. You’re astounded at the detail of the building and it’s HUGE. Fronds of leaves and bamboo make the entrance immerse you into a rainforest jungle. It even felt a little more humid than outside.

Matt notices you looking around in awe as you wait in line.

“You’re going to love it as much as me. There’s penguins, alligators—,” he stops when you put a finger to his lips.

You tease him about giving spoilers.

Matt’s not too much into PDA, but he’ll hold your hand shamelessly. He does judge the “Disneyland-waiting-line-couples” that “choose to have each other's hands all over each other and their tongues fighting a war in each other's mouths.”

You lean in close enough so only he can hear and tell him that he didn’t judge you when you had your tongue in his mouth last night.

“That’s different! We were in the privacy of my own home,” he defends himself.

You two finally reach the ticket booth and he pays for you, of course.

He takes your hand, again. You figure he should lead you throughout the experience so you follow close behind him.

You two stop at the penguin exhibit first. There’s a door to step outside and a nice-sized area where small, Black-footed penguins swam and played.

Matt immediately releases your hand to take pictures. He spots a squirrel in a tree that somehow entered the exhibit, and takes a picture of that too.

“I just wish there was a raccoon exhibit here,” he frowns.

You warn him again about giving spoilers.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he groans, taking your hand to lead you back into the building.

You end up on a walkway on the second floor that looks over a lagoon below. The aquarium continues its rainforest theme with trees, mist, and birds able to freely fly around the building.

A toucan flies up to you both and lands on the fencing before you. It hops onto Matt’s shoulder and he carefully hands you his phone to snap a picture.

“Can you tell I’m trying not to freak out?” Matt says softly with a smile.

The rest of the rainforest-themed area you two hold hands through is gorgeous and super fun.

You two get the opportunity to feed a three-toed sloth and it’s Matt’s favorite part of the day.

You see some Pygmy marmosets, stingrays, bats, and otters, among many other animals that Matt got cutely excited over.

Then it was on to the classic aquarium area. You two walked through rooms together filled with tanks of fish from around the world. 

Once you're in the area where it’s dark and the fish tanks glow, Matt gets more comfortable and pulls you in by the waist so he can be close to you as you wash the fish swim by.

You tell him how beautiful he looks in the blue light.

“Stop,” he pretends he hates when you compliment him, but loves it. “You’re the most beautiful person in here, baby.”

He leans down for a kiss and his pink lips feel as plush as ever. He pulls you in close; his hands roam your waist and travel down the small of your back to your ass, causing you two to get a little carried away.

You lightly detach from the kiss and warn him that people could be watching.

“They can mind their own business,” he says with a smirk.

Your face flushes at him being surprisingly so bold.

You two finished off the aquarium with a stop at the gift shop on the way out.

“I’ll get you one thing. One,” he holds up his forefinger.

He buys you everything you ask for. Including a baby otter plush that you told him you couldn’t live without.

“Are you hungry? It’s almost dinner time,” he checks his phone.

You agree and you take his car less than ten minutes away to Serious Pizza in Deep Ellum.

You two walk in and Matt points out the pizza chefs tossing giant pizza doughs in the air. Holy shit.

Matt orders one slice of cheese and one pepperoni for you two to share and pulls out his card to pay for you. (Matt paying for everything is just so hot to me.)

You wonder if two slices will be enough for the two of you, but you trust him.

He leads you to a booth at the back of the shop and you sit down.

“What was your favorite part of the aquarium?” He asks you.

You tell him it was the otter exhibit. They just looked so cute swimming around.

You two talk back and forth about your day while you wait. 

“I got a ton of photos of you when you weren’t looking by the way,” he looks at his phone. “I’ll post them on Instagram tomorrow.”

When the pizza gets to you, your eyes widen as slices big enough to be one meal are placed in front of you.

Matt laughs and rubs his hands excitedly before picking up his cheese slice. 

“You take the first bite,” he raises the pizza to your mouth. You bite down and it’s delicious.

You two spend an hour at the pizza shop eating. laughing, and chatting away. Once you two are almost the only people there, Matt reaches across the table to hold your hand in his and laces his legs with yours underneath the table.

Once you're back in his car, the sun having fully gone down, he rubs his hand on your inner thigh again. 

“Want to finish off this date by sleeping over tonight?” He asks.

I'M GONNA B ESICK

[darushi-chan]

HOTD Modern AU where everyones dragons are some kind of reptile or amphibian.  Sooo, I finally gathered the courage to add my own stuff to the HOTD fandom, lol. I love reptiles, specifically Komodo dragons, I’ve made like 3 different college projects with them and it was impossible for me to not see Vhagar as one, I’ve seen other really good takes with old grandma V being a snapping turtle, an alligator and so on, and then I decided to imagine my own modern AU were all the Targaryan dragons in HOTD are some kind of reptile pet! -Because Targ shenanigans they do have a special bond with their reptile friend (Thats the only way you get a croc and a Komodo to dont eat you, lol). -The dragon keepers are a special reptile breeder company, the Targs are like one of their most important clients . -To add more lore and stuff I like the idea of them living in a made up european country called Valyria, like Genovia from the princess diaries, or at least just a modern westeros and Valyria being their something something big company where they work. -If they live in Valyria they do have the monarchy problems, but without the murder plis, Aegon ll its like fuck you all and runs away to Italy or France and starts a wine company called “The usurper” xD.  -Because I like Jacegon, Jace goes along with him so he doesn’t die from bad decisions and because I think he’ll be more reliable with the new company stuff hahahahaha, Aegon just tests the wine ok 😂?  -Lucerys its also like, the crown? No thanks, and goes to college to study literature, also in the some college as Aemond, who’s in a History major, they’re roommates 👀. -Joffrey its even less interested in the crown and decides to help his grampa Corlys with Driftmark. -I’m mexican, I dont know how Dukedoms and all that fancy european stuff works, Driftmark can be one of those or something, I’ll do some research after the reptile drawings ok xD? -That way the crown can go to little Aegon the younger without anybody dying yay. -Rhaenyra its not that ok with this, but she loves her kids, and hopes little Egg doesn’t run away too.... Im just starting with my favorite incest deranged couple, Lucemond 😚. I think its obvious this is not completed at all 😅, but I was really exited about it and wanted to talk about it after being working on it all day 😄.

More stuff about the not dragons! -They can’t live the hundreds of years of the dragons, so lets make them live as long as their owner lives, an average 80-90 years, for this HC sake hahahaha, specially because turtles, komodos and crocs are able to live long lives too! So lets make all the other special Targ reptiles/amphibians live longer too 😝. -This makes Grandma V, Vhagar ll, because Vhagar l was Visenya’s, when Laena dies in some kind of accident Aemond claims Vhagar ll so she doesn’t die, specially because she wasn’t that old then, wiki says Laena dies at 27, I havent thought that much about what happens in the Driftmart incident, but something happens 👀! -Then the Viserys l Balerion it’s Balerion ll too! Vissy T gets to keep his croc and makes him an awesome enclosure, lol. Alicent never goes there 😂, but Viserys likes to see when the servants feed him or to just chat with his friend, he has this really nice enclosure like in the zoos where you can go like underground and see them swim.

-Helaena’s kids can have little geckos or something cute like that, I need to think about it 🤔.

-Im not very sure about Caraxes being a red Tegu, they’re awesome, but I don’t know if I should make him be something else, any thoughs anyone 🤔? If you have any other ideas that are different from the ones I have so far let me know 😉!! The only ones that Im very sure about are Vhagar and Arrax, I’m really in love with the idea, and I also like them all being something different, except for Silverwing and Vermithor uwu.

[tf2heritageposts]

this is my formal request for you to tell us about the furbies. i need to hear this.

on it

THE TEAM'S OPINIONS ON FURBIES

scout: thinks they're scary as shit and doesn't want to be around them(hi jeremy) soldier: has no idea they aren't actually alive and has like three racoon furbies he keeps with his raccoons. he orders them around as if they were alive and gets mad when they don't do what he asks. they are covered in bite marks

pyro: ultimate furby collector. they have every color of the original 1998 and furby babies, as well as a few of the other models. if you need a specific furby, pyro has four of them. they somehow have five HI-C furbies and three kid cuisines. it's theorized they black mailed people for them

demoman: he has a long furby he made with engineer that's the skunk model with custom eyes. he absolutly loves the thing and wears it everywhere(mostly arouund scout to piss him off)

engineer: he LOVES modding furbies, and he and pyro have a symbiotic relationship where he repairs any of pyro's furbies and also mods them anyway they want. he made a long furby for demoman, and has one for himself too(it's a color change one he got from pyro)

he does so much shit to these guys it's awesome

heavy: he has one that he shares with medic, it's just a simple tuxedo medic has considered trying to put some organs in it and actually make it an animal(who'd probably wanna die) but heavy has said no. he likes the little guy but he usually takes the batteries out when he's too noisy and just reads with him.

medic: as previously stated, he and heavy share a furby and he wants to so bad make it real with fucked up mad science or whatever, but heavy just says NYET each time. he has, however, gotten one from pyro and is in the process of making a horror

sniper: he has an alligator one and he always has the batteries out. he usually chills with it or takes it on hunts. he sometimes pretend feeds it the food he hunts and cooks

spy: "do you think i'd have a fucking kids toy? what kind of simpleton do you take me for?(he has the bejewelled furby)

[wordy-little-witch]

Buggy: the surprising bombshell the Addams pine over.

Mihawk: The Long suffering uncle who needs to have a serious talk with his sister over flirting with his cru- HIS ASSOCIATE in front of him.

This leaves Crocodile and I will offer this possibility: Uncle that married into the family (even tough he and Mihawk aren’t even married… but when you’re an Addams you know when something’s up) and is suprisingly beloved by the kids. He just seems like the type who’d be only minorly irritated by those… frankly insane children, but soon sees them as the few kids he can actually stand. He comes over and both Pugsley and Wednesday are just immediately drawn to him.

Bonding time with Uncle Crocodile include: playing Houdini and wrapping Pugsley up in chains before putting him in a watertank that slowly fills up with Crocodiles sand like some fucked up saw trap (Should be added Pugsley is ecstatic about this because weird little freak,masochistic Pugsley has always been my favorite interpretation of him)

Live feeding the Wani with Wednesday. Morticia is so touched that her little girl is doing so much for endangered species…. Mainly keeping them endangered but the way she takes to the alligators is cute as well. There is probably a commotion though when Crocodile decides to gift her a fully grown one for her birthday. Not because of the dangerous animal but because Morticia and Gomez are both worried if their little bat can handle the responsibility and an animal is not just for one day after all.

Just… “Uncle Crocodile” as that “When your double income, no kids, lesbian aunts come over and unleash the gift happening on Christmas.” Meme, except he’s another gay uncle and the kids are … peculiar to say the least.

Yes yes yes this this this AAAAAAA ♡♡♡♡♡

Okay but Uncle Crocodile being the one to unabashedly spoil the children, Mihawk being Morticia's brother, all of it is simply!!!! CHEF KISS!!!!!

Also Croc gifting Wednesday a fully grown wani is. Yes. Just yes.

Especially if you go full "of course I did not specifically breed one to be appropriate for my niece what do you me for-" Crocodile who did in fact carefully cultivate and breed certain wanis to get a specific result. Crocodile who absolutely began the process out of curiosity and then later on pushed it a little further because no niece of his would have anything less than the utmost best. Crocodile who refuses to acknowledge the facts because damn it all he has a reputation-

Bonus points, Buggy the Bombshell charming the hearts of everyone in the family. Pugsley has a bomb buddy. Wednesday has a fellow chemist. Gomez enjoys a change from strict swordplay. Tish enjoys the gardening and tinctures they both indulge in. Grandmama is by no means doubting this boy, and she is delighted that Buggy knows so much of the Old Ways of sailing, stories and the lesser known spiritual aspects. Fester just thinks he's neat.

Mihawk is SUFFERING and Crocodile is... well he's Something alright.

Depending on how this goes could impact end results. Either cross guild poly, where Mihawk and Croc finally blow a fuse over the flirtations, to which Morticia and Gomez both offer smiles like "see, we knew he would make a marvelous edition! And look, dearest, you've even embraced your rage. How delectable."

OR CrocHawk and Buggy being romanced by Hawky's sister and brother in law. Nobody knows what's going on beyond Tish, who is blatantly admiring the lipstick the clown has and seems intent on wearing it herself in some manner, and Gomez who is simply VIBRATING because he loves his wife and now he and his wife love this clown, how charming! How beautiful!! How Delightfully Odd!!!

((Bonus points, at one point, Wednesday and Pugsley decide they are sick of their parents' oblivious pining and the clown's unbelievably obtuse awareness. There is an Incident during their play time. Buggy's clothing is ruined. Wednesday offers to go find some replacements.

It just so happens that Buggy is a fair bit taller than Gomez, making his clothing far from workable, but a bit smaller than Morticia. He is, however, slightly chubby, so the closest to a workable size would be one of Tish's dresses. Buggy isn't fazed at all, even mentions that he even owns a few in similar cuts. They send him off to change.

Gomez nearly drops his coffee when the blue haired Emperor glides in, hair piled into a messy bun after his quick shower. Tish for her part pauses with her lip leaving a dark smudge on her own cup, dark eyes laser focused. The dress they'd given him was a bit more conservative in neckline than her more recent fare, a square neckline and flowing long sleeves in a charcoal mesh, web like stitching that drifted in lackadaisical waves to his wrists. The bodice was not boned, but it had careful paneling which embellished the dip of a waist, the curve of a hip. The hem drifted to the floor with a silvery belt hugging his hips with a metallic spider charm glinting sharply from its delicate chain.

He looked phenomenal.

Nobody noticed when Wednesday and Pugsley casually high fived one another from the doorway.

((And later on, in the dead of night, Wednesday's eyes shoot open in alarm as she realizes that she may well have inherited her parents' apparent taste in brightly colored, jovial partners who were more dangerous than the world believed. Mind drifting to a certain werewolf, she rolled over in her bed to bury her face in her pillow. Suffocation seemed an apt response to this realization.))

[nerves-nebula]

You said that thing about Alligator snapping turtles eating other turtles, so I looked it up, and literally all of the bois are species that have been known to eat other turtles (if not always their own species). Just. Considering the lack of food security they have in Neglected, there is no way this wasn’t an issue when they tots. They would not chirp for food, they would simply pick a fight with the closest brother until Splinter noticed.

oh im aware, i just gathered from my (admittedly sparse) research that alligator snapping turtles were considered more cannibalistic. idk if that's true but its what i went with, and Raph starves the most out of everyone so it makes sense either way.

i actually think they ate BETTER when they were itty bitty turtle tots, cause it was somewhat easier for Splinter to feed them and he had to be more present in their lives since otherwise they might die cause they're LITERALLY BABIES and if that happened then the magic deal he made with Draxum would like, fuck his shit up. And Draxum also dropped by to check up on them the most when they were kids too so, there's that.

but im not against the idea of Splinter staring at his kids chewing on each other like "are they trying to eat each other or is this a normal baby thing"

[artzychic27]

Megamind's one of my favorite movies, so I'd like to see Megamind quotes with Monarch as Megamind, Marc as Roxie, Duusu as Minion, Kim as Metroman, Lucien as Hal, and Louis as Bernard

Monarch: *to Marc, exasperated* Let's stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in leggings, shall we?!

—

Monarch: Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me! Nooroo, if I live, I will feed you sour stuff.

—

Monarch: Nooroo, I'm a villain without a hero. A yin with no yang! A bullfighter with no bull to fight! In other words, I have no purpose!

—

Monarch: *after waiting hours for Lucien to show up* This is EMBARASSING! Wholly inconsiderate, boneheaded, irresponsible, rude, unprofessional... That's what this is! Would Scarlet Beetle have kept me waiting?! Of course not, he was a pro!

—

Scarlet Beetle: I started to realise, despite all our powers, each and every citizen of Paris had something se didn't: a choice. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had to be what this city wanted me to be. What about what I wanted to do? Then it suddenly hit me - I do have a choice! I can be whatever I want to be! No one said that this hero thing had to be a lifetime gig. But you can't just quit either. That's when I got the brilliant idea... to fake my death!

—

Marc: *To Nathaniel, who is disguised as Louis and starts to cry* Louis... I-I didn't know you... had... feelings. Are you okay?

—

Marc: *looking around, while being held captive in Monarch’s lair* Is there some kind of nerdy super-villain website where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?

—

Lucien: *after Monarch breaks into his apartment room* Is this a robbery? Because the lady across the hall has way better stuff than me!

—

Lucien: Hey, losers. This is Scarlet Tower. They say it's supposed to be a symbol of our city's strength, but for me, it's a reminder of the day this guy ferociously ripped out my heart! And I hate reminders!

Marc: Lucien, please don't do this. I know there's still good in you!

Lucien: You're so naive, Emerald. You see the good in everyone, even when it's not there. You're living a fantasy. There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England!

Felix: Blaspehmy!

Lucien: Shut up! This is the real world, and you need to wake up.

*Suddenly, a swarm of Akumas arrive and form Monarch’s head*

Monarch’s head made of Akumas: You dare to challenge ME?!

Lucien: This city isn't big enough for two supervillains!

Monarch’s head made of Akumas: Oh, you're a villain, alright! Just not a SUPER one!

Lucien: Yeah? What's the difference?

*Many of the Akumas disperse and create sort of this curtain, that, when drawn to the side, reveal Monarch in all his glory standing on a platform of Akumas*

Monarch: PRESENTATION!

*Cue fantastic over-the-top lightshow*

—

Monarch: *on a video screen; threatening Scarlet Beetle* This is a day you and Gay Paris shall not soon forget!

Scarlet Beetle: Why do you keep calling it that?!

Monarch: Ah, potato, tomato, potato, tomato...

Scarlet Beetle: We all know how these ends up- With YOU behind bars!

Monarch: *sarcastically* Oh, I'm shaking in my custom, baby seal leather boots! *serious again* YOU will leave Paris! Or this will be the last you ever hear of... Marc Anciel! *presses a button to show a captive Marc on a seperate screen*

Scarlet Beetle: Don't panic, Marc... I'm on my way!

Marc: Yeah, I'm not panicking.

Monarch: *smirking* In order to stop me, you need to find me first, Scarlet Beetle!

Monarch: We're at the abandoned observatory!

Scarlet Beetle: Ah-ha!

Monarch: No, we're not! Don't listen to him! He's crazy!

—

Marc: You're SOOO predictable!

Monarch: Predictable? Predictable? Oh, you call THIS predictable?! *pulls a lever that opens up an alligator pool beneath Marc*

Marc: Alligators, yes. Mm-hmm. I was thinking about it on the way over...

Monarch: *pulls another lever that reveals a hidden gun* What's this? Boom! In your face!

Marc: Cliché!

Monarch: No! Look! Watch! *brings down a gauntlet of blades*

Marc: Juvenile!

Monarch: Shock and awe! *brings up a chainsaw*

Marc: Tacky!

Monarch: OH, IT'S SO SCARY!! *unleashes a cycle of spiked boots*

Marc: Seen it!

Monarch: *frantic* What's this one do?! *unleashes a flamethrower*

Marc: Garish! *Monarch breaks down crying* Okay, the spider's new.

Monarch: Spider? *He sees a spider hanging in front of Marc. Nooroo just shrugs* Uh... Yes! The... the spider. Even the smallest bite from... "arachnus deathicus"... will instantly paralyze... *Marc blows the spider into Monarch’s eye* AAH! GET IT OFF! IT BIT ME!

Marc: Give it up, Monarch. Your plans never work!

—

Lucien: This is the last time you make a fool out of me!

Monarch: I made you a hero! You did the "fool" thing all by yourself!

—

Monarch: Over here, old friend. In case you haven't noticed, you've fallen right into my trap.

Scarlet Beetle: You can't trap justice. It's an idea! A belief!

Monarch: Well, even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time!

Scarlet Beetle: Justice is a noncorrosive metal!

Monarch: But metals can be melted by the heat of revahnge!

Scarlet Beetle: It's "revenge", and it's best served cold!

Monarch: But it could be easily reheated, in the microwave of evil!

Scarlet Beetle: Well, I think your warranty is about to expire!

Monarch: Maybe I've got an extended warranty!

Scarlet Beetle: Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for its intended purpose!

Marc: *groans* Girls, girls! You're both pretty! Can I go home now?

—

Max: I love you, Scarlet Beetle!

Scarlet Beetle: And I love you, random citizen!

—

Marc: Well, let's take a look at the contents then, shall we? You destroyed Scarlet Beetle, you took over the city, and then, you actually got me to care about you! Why are you so evil? Tricking me? What could you possibly hope to gain? *Monarch looks up at him sadly* Wait a minute. I don't believe this. Do you really think that I would ever be with you?

Monarch: … No...

—

Marc: *On the phone with Monarch whose pretending to be Louis* I just want to thank you for inspiring me the other day.

Monarch: Oh! You inspired me too.

Marc: Great. It's time we stood up to Monarch and show him he can't push us around.

Monarch: Oh! Oh, really? *whispers to Nooroo* He's so cute!

Marc: I'm already hot on his trail.

Marc: Uh-huh, and what gives you that idea?

Nooroo: Uh, sir...?

Marc: I just found his secret hideout!

Monarch: *shouting* How did he find my hideout?! *back onto the cell phone* Uh… how did you find his hideout?

Marc: This is the only building in Metro City with a fake observatory on the roof.

Monarch: Okay. *To Nooroo* There’s no way he'll find the secret entrance.

Marc: There's a doormat here that says "Secret Entrance"!

Monarch: *turns around angrily* Nooroo!

Nooroo: *nervous* I kept forgetting where it was…

—

Monarch: Oh, don't like that, huh? Well there's more! *Akumatizes himself to look like Louis as he slowly backs onto his platform of Akumas* I'm also the "intellectual dweeb" dating Monarch.

Lucien: No.

Monarch: ...And we were smooching up a storm! *makes kissing noises as the Akumas carry him off*

Lucien: *enraged* When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna–

Monarch: Yes, yes. I know. "...Bring me to justice." Oh, God. How'd I miss this? *Lucien attacks him* And the hero strikes the first blow, but evil returns with a backhand!

—

*after a big ball of copper has been dropped on Lucien*

Monarch: Guess what, Blood Beetle! It's made from copper. You're powerless against it. It's the very same metal used to defeat– *Lucien’s fist punches out through the copper metal* … Scarlet Beetle?

Lucien: You... should stop comparing me to Scarlet Beetle!

—

Marc: Hey, who needs him? We can beat Blood Beetle ourselves. I say we go back to the evil lair, grab some ray guns, hold 'em sideways and just go all gangsta on him!

Monarch: We can't.

Marc: So that's it, you're just giving up?!

Monarch: I'm the bad guy. I don't save the day, I don't fly off into the sunset, and I don't get the boy. I'm going home.

—

*Monarch flips TV channels in prison*

Lucien: *on TV* Monarch. *Monarch continues channel surfing until he changes back to Lucien on TV* You and I have unfinished business. I’ll be waiting at Scarlet Tower. Oh, and just so you don’t get cold feet… *reveals Marc captured*

Monarch: Marc...

Lucien: Come on, Emerald. Call for your "hero" to come rescue you.

Marc: Monarch… I don't even know if you're listening, but if you are… you can't give up! The Monarch I know would never run from a fight, even if he knew he had no chance of winning! It was your best quality. You need to be that guy right now! The city needs you… I need you…

Monarch: …

Lucien: You have 1 hour. Don't keep me waiting.

—

Monarch: You want me to say it? I'll say it! Here it is, from the blackest part of my heart: I AM SORRY!

Roger: Not buying it.

Monarch: *sighs* I don't blame you. I've terrorized the city countless times. Created a hero who's turned out to be a villain. I lied to Marc, and...my best friend Nooroo, I treated Iike dirt. Please don't make this city... don't make Marc pay for my wrongdoings.

Nooroo: *removing the Roger disguise* Apology accepted.

[wanderingjedi77]

Bo Katan x Fem! Reader (This is the Way)

Summary: Bo Katan is new to the covert. You just want to make her feel at home. Part 1 of 2.

You had waited in the shadows when Din had arrived with his new travel companion, the Nite Owl Bo Katan. Your brother had been declared an apostate some months ago, and you were happy he was back. Happy he and Grogu had returned unscathed and that he was being welcomed back into the tribe. Like this Nite Owl was.

You liked her armor, you decided. Painted blue with Owl markings on her helmet. You liked the way she carried herself. The way she glowed in the darkness of the caves.

Maybe it was a good thing Din became an apostate.

When the greetings were over and most of the Mandalorians had dispersed, you watched Din for a few moments as he talked with Bo Katan. He wasn't paying attention to you, but he probably hadn't even noticed you. Which meant it was the perfect opportunity to ambush him.

You mpved quickly, coming in from the side hard enough to knock your shoulder into Din's, making him stumble to the side with suprise before turning to glare at you.

"Y/n? I'm happy to see you but did you really have to do that?" Din fired at you, sighing. He loved you. He really did. But sometimes he wished he could feed you to the alligator turtle.

"You haven't introduced me to your friend yet big brother." You tell him with your hands raised. "Too bad you don't have much of a brain bucket head."

Din sighed and rolled his eyes. "This shrimp is my little, adopted sister y/n. She's usually this rude, so I would suggest you learn to put up with her."

You snorted. "I'm only rude to you."

"Yeah, that means your still rude."

You flip him off, and Din laughs before pulling you into a one-armed hug as Bo watches, amused.

"So you're the famous Bo Katan of House Kryze." You look at Bo and smile under your helmet. "Would it be appropriate to call you Princess or my lady?" You offer softly.

Bo laughs a little. "Both are acceptable." She pauses. "I wasn't expecting a warm reception."

"Why? We're all Mandalorians?" You reply. "And you were bathed in the living waters, your following the creed."

Din nods. "She's right. You also saved my life."

"Bonus points." You joke and Din laughs. You shift on your feet. "Would you like a tour?"

"...of your cave?" Bo teases.

You snorted. "It's not a cave. It's a home." You look at Din. "We won't be long."

"Alright. Just remember how upset the Armorer was when you were late to training last time. Don't take too long sister."

You shrug. "I know I know. I'll see you soon Din." You watched as he walks away, and turn to Bo; a bounce in your step as you take her hand and hold it, startling Bo a little.

"Sorry." You drop your hand. "I got a little too excited." You laugh nervously and Bo smiles.

"Din never mentioned you were so enthusiastic."

"Well...it keeps me going." You shrug and start to walk down a series of tunnels. You carefully point out the nursery, the common room, and the library as you go along. "It's going to be rather short. I'm learning how to forge."

"You're the Armorers Apprentice?" Bo asks, and she gives you a once over. Your rather small, and don't look particularly strong. But Bo also knows not to judge a Mando by their Beskar.

"Yeah, I have been since I was a kid, and they rescued me." You reply. "She paired Din and I up as battle buddies and things grew from there. I didn't have a family before I came here." You admit. "That's what's so nice about the tribe. We take care of each other."

"Even someone like me?" Bo asks warily.

"Especially people like you." You reply warmly. "You're not alone anymore, Lady Kryze."

Bo turns away for a moment and nods. "Not with you, I'm not." The comment is a little sarcastic, you think, but Bo sounds kind? You hesitate, and Bo looks at you again. "You have a way with welcoming people."

"I'm okay." You reply shyly and stop in front of a room. "This is your room. You get it all to yourself."

Bo looks in the whole in the wall of the cave. There's a bed, a chair and a storage crate. "Thank you."

"Anytime." You reply. You hesitate because you want to see more of Bo but don't want to scare her. "I could show you the ropes." You offer, and are delighted by Bo's laugh.

"Oh? Could you?" She teases, and your heart skips a beat.

"Oh. I'm a great tour guide." You tilt your head, and add; "Just as long as my big brother doesn't get in the way."

"No. We can't have that, can we?" Bo replies smoothly. "I'll find you tomorrow and you can teach me more about your tribe."

"This is the way." You reply automatically.

"This is the way." Bo answers after a moment, and you give her a bow as you depart. Waving over your shoulder and almost colliding with another mandalorian if the tribe. They gently push you away with a sigh and you apologise, Bo watching you go.

Maybe being part of the watch wouldn't be so bad after all. So long as she had you.

[mamirhodessxox]

More unpublished prompts!!

🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤

I hate you more

“Sooo, are we going to address the massive elephant in the room?” “It was ONE time Mari.”-Marianna & Sasha

“Cody & Sasha just fucked run me my FUCKING MONEY.” “YOU MADE A BET ON MY SISTER?!” “And I got a 100 bucks out of it.”-Rhea & Seth

“I am a god.” “Alright Kanye West pipe down”-Roman & Cody

“Why is she wearing shorts that are halfway up her ass right now?” “It’s getting us money & sales deal with it.”-Cody & Randy

“Can you please for the love of god STOP holding my hand.” “You tried walking into an active street. No.”-Sasha & Cody

“Are you sure it’s mine and not the devils?” “Are you sure your dicks bigger than 6 inches?”-Cody & Sasha

*cody entering the living room* “get out your presence is overstimulating me right now.”-Sasha

“One day I’ll learn how to finger dj the punanni” “and you why Becky won’t stay in a committed relationship with you”-Seth & Sasha

“If you hate me so much why are you literally dating me & getting me knocked up smartass” “I like the adrenaline rush”-Sasha & Cody

“You did a great job at being a mother” “Clearly not since both of them seemed to have burnt out their goddamn brain cells.”-Randy & Barbra

“I’m dating Sasha Ricci, Of course I wear bulletproof vests!” “I’m dating Cody Rhodes, Of course he makes me want to kill him in his sleep.”-Cody & Sasha

“Guys what does it mean if she slaps me and I like it?” “I wish I was aborted after hearing this information.”-Cody & Seth

“I’ve considered abortion” “So why the fuck is Sasha still here” “I thought she was gonna come out smart.”-Barbra & Seth

“I swear I didn’t just lead the FBI towards our house right now after feeding Romans body guard to an alligator” “Not again.”-Marianna & Randy

“Fuck it. Beat the information out of him.” “I volunteer as tribute!” “N-No I don’t think- hey Sasha why don’t we go somewhere?”-Randy, Sasha & Cody

*Randy trying to unmad marianna after grounding her from 1st degree murder* “What’s the matter angel?” “If you call me that one more time I’ll rip your dick off.” “Copy that.”

*Sasha walking in the house dragging a duffel bag on the ground with someones neighbor in it* “Goddamnit Sasha we can’t keep burying random married men in our backyard just because they have hot wife’s” “We can and you will. Grab the fucking shovel.”-Seth & Sasha

*Marianna walking down the stairs after getting ready for date night.* “Cancel dinner we’re gonna build a new family lineage”-Randy

*Sasha & Marianna in the swamp burying someone alive* “I don’t think we’re doing this right..” “ok hold on let me text Randy so he can send us the DIY tutorial again.”-Sasha & Marianna

*Cody & Seth kidnapped tied to chairs* “Where the fuck is Sasha when we need her?” “Sleeping. She’s fucking sleeping.”-Cody & Seth

“Guy’s Cody got me pregnant.” “I thought you didn’t want kids?” “Yeah well Cody doesn’t know how a condom works so.”-Sasha & Marianna

“I can’t believe my first kid is about to be the anti christ” “If you refer our child as the goddamn anti christ one more time I’m giving you a DIY vasectomy.” “I can’t believe my baby mama is the anti christ.”-Cody & Sasha

*Sasha lying on the couch one leg in the air* “what the fuck are you doing.” “Stretching my leg Cody what else does it look like I’m doing.” “..”-Cody & Sasha

🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤

@alyyaanna @claymoresofinfamy23 @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41 @femdisa @kabloswrld @jeysbvck

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 14: U.S. Foreign Policy

You learn something and decide to engage in a wee bit of statecraft.

On AO3.

You have no time to ask him for the letter, as the healer (is this one a hobbit???) named Nettie turns to see who just burst into her cave. A cave connected to another, hidden cave, that she one hundred percent doesn’t lure you into and lock the door behind y’all. Oh goodie.

The mood soars even higher when you see the dead elf (she calls him a drow, whatever the fuck that is).

Gale hangs back this time, and they all sort of look at you. The oddball who doesn’t speak their language and who is arguably the least qualified person to do this. Also the one who started it and should probably, y’know, finish this.

“Oh, goddamnit,” you say and spill your guts to Nettie.

The mindflayer transformation seems to freak her out more than it does you. Kind of hilarious, since you’re the one with the needle-teeth worm in your brain. It freaks her out so much, in fact, she gives you a bottle of poison that actually glows green. It’s like cartoon radioactive sludge held back by some glass and a wax stopper. This fucking place.

You promise her you’ll drink the shit if you feel your skin sloughing off. You feel the judgment from your group on your back. Like you’re not completely lying through your teeth.

She says something about a better healer named Halsin. You’ve heard his name a couple of times—mostly when Kahga snapped at that other guy not to say that name. Nettie is otherwise a dead end, thanks for all the poison!

“As I told you,” Lae’zel all but hisses. “The cure we seek will be found with my people. We waste our time pursuing your primitive healers.”

Says the lady in metal armor you’re decently sure couldn’t hold up to a modern rifle.

You don’t say that, though. You don’t say anything. Not until you emerge back into sunlight and the droning chant of the druids with their fuck off ritual. There’s still too many people around. But a path runs off out the side, looks like it heads out of the grove, so you start towards it.

The path eventually leads to a secluded beach, huzzah!

The beach is infested with harpies, fuck!

***

It goes tits up almost immediately. Y’all are banged up, bruised, and bleeding by the time the last feathered bitch goes down in a pool of her own blood. You fall right on your ass there in the sand, and let yourself slowly topple onto your back.

You lie there for a long time. The sky is pretty, and the sand is soft and warm beneath you. It smells a lot like rotten fish and metal for some reason—

“Fuck me!” you holler when your hand comes up smeared in red. You’ve collapsed into harpy blood. This was your only unstained shirt and literally your only pair of stays.

“I think we’re all a bit too tired, dear,” Astarion says because he’s an asshole.

You’re fucking covered in blood. A-fucking-gain.

The kid y’all inadvertently saved seems to find that part a bonus. He stares up at you with huge eyes glazed, in what you suspect, it awe.

He thanks you, says something about a dragon lair and Doni, and scampers off.

The sun is sinking fast behind the tan cliffs. You’re really not sure you’ve got the energy to drag your ass all the way back to the Grove. The rest of the group seems to agree, as Gale sets down his bag to start digging for his tent poles.

“Maybe we should go upriver some?” you way.

“Why?” Lae’zel says, her first pole already buried in the ground less than three feet from the still hot carcass of a dead harpy.

You squint at her. At the others, who seem just as unperturbed. These fucking people.

“So we can refill our drinking water,” you say. Gesture to the right. “From that river right there. But probably not near the saltwater or where harpy juice might be dribbling in—do y’all not have waterborne diseases here??”

“…‘waterborne’?” Gale says.

***

It takes much longer to set up camp—upriver—than it should. While Gale and the others know of basic sterilization, they haven’t quite gotten to the germ part of germ theory. You went on a big Historical Plagues kick a couple of years back, and you fill in the basics you remember. He actually abandons his tent in favor of finding a scroll and a quill to start taking notes.

The sun has long set by the time you can get free long enough to grab all your blood-crusted clothes and trudge down to the river. You got no idea what you’re doing with hand-washing. Rubbing the cloth underwater does get some of it out, but the stains remain: huge and brown and still reeking. They’re honestly not salvageable.

You dunk your head and give your hair the best scrub you can manage. Thank yourself again that you keep it short, because trying to deal with all this with hair down to your ass would have been an utter shitshow nightmare. You long for shampoo. You’d cry if someone gave you soap. There’s still oil in your hair that no amount of dunking in the water is going to fix and you have to look like a catastrophe to anyone you meet.

You find a flat-ish rock to spread your sopping clothes on, and make your way back in your lightest-stained tunic and trousers.

The others have a fire going, and Gale—thank fuck—has left off the sausages. Appears to be making some kind of potatoes and vegetables scramble with eggs he got from somewhere. You winder if he’s got anything for your aching skull. Days in and the sunovabitch has yet to let off. But throwing rocks at the harpies probably did not impress any of them, and you don’t want to make yourself look like an even bigger drain on resources.

Astarion has pitched his tent further back. He sits outside on a carpet he’s found somewhere, rifling through a stack of books he’s also found somewhere. He looks up as you approach.

“Anything good?” you say.

He glances to his stash and his lips pull into a mild smile. “Oh, a bit of this and that. Trying to decide which I’ll hang onto for the time being.”

You nod. Eyeball the small tower by his right knee. The dirt-potion doesn’t translate writing (and Gale had said that the writing isn’t the spoken language anyway, as that is apparently called Common and isn’t anyone’s first language, begging the question which fucking colonizer empire took over and made that decision for everyone). You miss reading. You miss the internet and music. Lights and washing machines and waterfall showers. Your bed with it’s thousand-thread-count sheets, because you were no Captain Moneybags, but there were a few things you’d splurge on now and then, and that was one of them.

What books do the people here write? Is it just poetry? Treatises? Dry-ass history accounts? Or do they have novels? What would a place like this write about when they were making things up?

Is there smut?

“So, what’d you find in that chest?” you say.

Astarion stands, having selected tonight’s reading material. He flips through it, not meeting your gaze. “A few odds and ends, a couple of valuables.”

You wait. He doesn’t continue.

“And a letter?” you say.

His face is a mask of pure innocence. “A letter?”

Okay, so that’s how he’s playing this. You resist the urge to bury your face in your hands and scream.

“The one you told me about in the Grove,” you say. “When I asked you this same question then.”

“I believe what you said to me was, ‘Please tell me you found something.’”

You’re going to kick him in the shin. You’re going to reach down, grab a handful of dirt, and throw it in his pasty face. He watches you like a cat that knows it’s pissing off the neighbor’s cat and there’s nothing the neighbor’s cat can do about it. Then his eyes widen.

“Oh! Yes! That letter.” Bastard man knows exactly what you were talking about from the beginning. “Yes, I did find that, didn’t I? Though I’m not sure why you want to know about it so badly?”

He slips on casual douchebaggery the way other people wear fashionable overcoats. One fist on a hip slightly jutted to the side, shoulders back, head cocked to the an inch or two to make sure the camp fire catches the “haughty” on his features in the best light.

He knows you have an ulterior motive. He wants in on it, you think. And you don’t think he’s going to back down.

“That Kahga woman isn’t our problem,” he says. “You said so yourself. Which I, for one, think was the correct decision. These druid politics aren’t our concern. The tadpoles are. Quite right you stuck to our priorities back there.”

“I’m gonna depose and ruin that bitch,” you say. He blinks at you. Several times. You probably shouldn’t have said that out loud. But ever since you started sharing your actual opinion (once you found it) to the people who mattered (and didn’t that take fucking forever), you’ve had poor impulse control about it. “I want her metaphorical head on a metaphorical spike and if you’ve got dirt on her, I have a very vested interest in knowing it.”

“I…well. That’s…quite bloodthirsty of you. Metaphorically speaking.”

The last part is a question even if he doesn’t vocalize that part.

He doesn’t seem the altruistic type (stealing from what you now realize are refugees is a crimson flag in that department). “The bitch reminds me of my mother” would be way too personal and, you suspect, would fall on deaf ears in this group. Well, any group, really.

Luckily, you’ve always been good at justifying shit to yourself, so you have that flank already covered in your head.

“That Nettie woman said we’d need to find another healer named Halsin, who was their leader but got caught by goblins, right?” you say. You’ve gathered that much. When he nods, “This Kahga is a stand in. She didn’t seem to like that other one mentioning Halsin, and she’s taking an extreme path which at least some of the druids seem to oppose. But not all of them. So what happens if we do manage to find and free this Halsin guy, and he gets all caught up in a power struggle with Kahga when he gets back? He ain’t gonna have time to help us.”

You watch that thought enter his mind and make connections. This time, he lets a frown wrinkle his forehead.

“That’s…” he says. “That’s certainly a way of looking at it. But what if it turns out to simply be an illicit lover’s rendezvous?”

“Did it sound like a lover?”

“Not necessarily. It could—you cheeky devil!”

You mask a grin of your own. You still want to keep a low profile, at least with the others. He already saw you stab a guy like thirteen times, so the gig might be up over here. But he doesn’t exactly interact with the group much, and it doesn’t seem he’s shared any of his observations about you with them.

Astarion drops his pleasant mask and what’s underneath is…you can only describe as malicious humor. His eyes narrow and he grins. “Alright, have it your way. It was a request to meet in a swamp. I did spot one yesterday to the south at some distance. There’s an island next to some docks, seemingly off the main path, the note said.”

“No date or time?”

“No.”

“Can I see it?”

Here he pauses. Almost fidgets. “I didn’t take it, darling. I left it in that chest. People tend to miss important documents and you hadn’t exactly told us what you were ‘snooping’ for.”

“So you just, what, memorized it?” you say.

You look at him. For the first time, a suggestion of hesitation flits through his body language.

“That is so fucking smart,” you say and make a look at this man gesture. “I am so glad we found you.”

His eyebrows shoot up for less than a second before he relaxes back into smug self-assurance. “I am quite exceptional. I’m glad someone here has realized that.”

“Seriously, thank you, Astarion. If this turns out to be a bust, I’ll drop it and follow along like I been doing. But thank you anyway.”

The man absolutely preens.

“Now, you got any ideas how to get the others to go to a swamp?”

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[iamreallyboard]

Tawog x male reader

Ep 4 the dvd

Ep beings in the house

Nicole: gumball don't forget to take the dvd to the store or we get a fine

Gumball: why can't you do it you're the one with a car and why can't y/n do it he has a car

Y/n: had I crash when my favorite song was in the radio

Nicole: yes exactly and I wasn't the one who watches alligators on a train for 72 times

Gumball: ah but technically you rented it with your money

Nicole: the money I need to feed you kids!

Gumball: the kids you decided to have

Y/n makes a "cut it out"with his hands

Nicole punches the door completely destroying it

Gumball: ok nevermind!

Nicole: good thank you honey also don't to put on some pants

Gumball: what?

Y/n: umm "points down"

Gumball: ah!! What th-

Litte timeskip I mean do you really want to see hi-

Gumball: Darwin have you seen the dv- what are you doing!!!

Darwin: Iam using the pizza cutter

Gumball: that not a pizza cutter! Be careful with dvds the smallest scratch could runied it!!

He says it while using the wrong side sponge

Darwin: um gumbal-

Gumball: shut it! Iam tired of your carelessen

You walk in the kitchen and your eyes wideden

Y/n: gumball that the wrong side of the sponge!!!

Gumball looks at the dvd all scratch up he screams the dvd falls into the sink completely destroying it

Gumball: ahh!! What are gonna do?!!?!?

Darwin/y/n: face the consequences of our actions?

Gumball: no sillys I got a better idea

Y/n: if you had a idea why did you say ahh!!!what are we gonna do?!?!?!

Gumball: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Y/n would be very good at cinema sins

Timeskip

Gumball: there you can make anything with a marker

The dvd was drawn on the dvd cast or whatever its called

Y/n: I don't think that gonna work no actually that definitely not gonna work

Gumball: don't worry it literally looks the same Larry won't noti-

Cut

Larry: I noticed it

Gumball: pfff noticed what?

Larry: the fact that you think I won't noticed that the black "dvd" was written by a black marker listen your kids so iam giving you a week to pay

Gumball: oh thank you "whisper" y/n abord plan b

Larry looks behind him seeing you with a crowbar

Larry: hey what the iam calling the poli-

You knock him out using the handle of the crowbar

Cut to gumball reading a newspaper for job applications

Gumball: can you cook

Y/n: 100 percent no look what happened to the house after I helped mom cook

Cut to the Watterson house burning

Gumball: can you drive?

Y/n/Darwin: yes/no

Y/n: well kinda unless there no radio I can drive

Gumball: can you speak Chinese?

Darwin: "speaking Chinese" translation to

No

Gumball and you look down seeing the subtitle looking confused

Gumball: oh I found one! Make up products testing no experience at all

Y/n: why can't they test it on themselves

Cut

employee: are you 18 or above it?

Y/n: iam 30 and they 11/12

Employee: eh good enough get inside

Random voice: ok relax and look at the red dot close your eyed and make a kissing face

They do but gumball gets hit in the eye cause he opened one eye to see if it's over y/n and Darwin open looking good while gumball crawls the make up disfigured hi face both look disturb at what they looking at

Employee: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cut

Gumball: I can't believe she only gave us a penny it wasn't even enough for the bus

The phone ring the boys gulp as gumball picks up the phone

Gumball: uhm hellooo

Nicole: gumball I know you destroy it I got a red letter from Lazer video

Gumball: off no you can't prove it

Nicole: iam right here

She appears with the phone the boys scream and ran

Nicole: oh no your not!

She chase after them they jumped over the fence

Darwin: y/n we need a plan!!!

As Darwin said that you were gone

Gumball: dang it!! Y/n!!!!

Timeskip my hands are tried and iam lazy

Both ran to lazar video seeing you

Gumball: y/n what were you!!!!????

Y/n: bribing Larry anyways how about a tank and a machine gun

Larry: sir I don't want any guns pls let me be

Nicole appears behind them

Nicole: wait you make ran though the neighborhood on a dog for some fine that only cost 25 and y/n you have money

Y/n: oh yeah I forgot soliders get payed

Nicole reaches for her pockets

Gumball: see guys I told you facing your consequences of our actions

You and Darwin grab a crowbar

Episode ends I think you know what gonna happen

[dgknightblue]

ROTTMNT boys making cannibalism jokes???:

Rise boys lining everyone up except the Mikey’s and measuring them.

“What are you doing?”

“Sizing up who to eat first in case we are low on food. All Mikey’s are off limits, so don’t worry about it.”

“We can just order out of we’re hungry!”

“Not in emergencies we can’t. Now I’m thinking we eat the big ones first and save the littles one for last.”

“Why?”

“Because big guys have a big appetite.”

“We leave one to protect the Mikey’s.”

“Mikey’s can protect themselves though.”

“Leave one to feed the Mikey’s.”

“Good Idea.”

The other turtles shake in fear and disgust. A few run to place their shells to a wall.

“You’re not eating anyone!”

“Why not? You look tasty.”

A turtle screams because Leo is biting their arm. He won’t let no matter how much they pull. Someone got the spray bottle.

Weakness found.

Raph almost taking a bite out of someone?

Spray bottle.

“Never look….*shiver*….him in the mouth!”

Do you guys know what the inside of an Alligator snapping turtles mouth looks like?

You don’t want to know.

Donnie crabbing his long neck forward to nibble on his brother?

Spray bottle.

Leo clinging onto the shell of a large turtle to naw on the rim of the shell?

Technically doesn’t hurt anyone, but still.

Spray bottle.

—————-

“Honestly Leo, you’re so cute I could eat you!”

“Thanks Raph! Donnie, Raph wants to eat me and not you!”

“Jokes on you! He’s saving the best for last and I’m the best!”

“But I’m his first choice! I’m a premium cut of grade A meat!”

Mikey has Leo stand still so he mark him as a diagram of where to cut and label parts of him.

“I still can’t believe you are okay with this!”

Cut to rise April bitting a robot like the complete feral she is.

“Never mind, I see it.”

——

“Why are you letting them do this to you?”

A smile, “if that’s what it takes to feed my brothers, I’m okay with it.”

———

“I was real bitey as a child- I’m not so much anymore but sometimes I have the urge.”, Raph looks at a turtle.

“Like right now, you look so fresh and tender! I bet you could feed all my brothers.”

“Or make a light snack- where’s he going?”

———

You can ignore this angst/ it’s optional:

One day, a turtle begs them to stop.

“Please! You have to stop! It’s unnatural! Tap into your humanity! I know you have some! I can see you hesitate when chomping down on your brothers!”

They look at them and then around the room. Everyone was looking at them. They laughed.

“In case you forgot- we were normal turtles before we had mutated! Cannibalism happens in nature!”

Their laughing died down as they had sunk to the floor. They were quiet and smile before they broke out into a sob.

None of them could stop sobbing they admitted to trying to be normal.

“We could have just been pets! Or wild animals swimming in rivers! It’s normal! We wanted to connect! This is all we have! Our instincts as normal turtles that eat meat include turtles okay! Sometimes….”

These kids were twisted and confused. They need help, they couldn’t just tell their dad. They saw him eat a rat once- to feel like he’s still a human and superior and just-he’s a person not a rat- well mostly human.

“In the wild snapping turtles eat other turtles.”

“In the wild soft shell turtles eat other turtles.”

“In captivity red eared sliders eat other turtles.”

“It happens! Not all the time, but it does! That’s why it’s a treat! To feel special!”

“We aren’t normal! We can’t be normal! I look at what I’m suppose to be and feel…well ugly.”

[digitalsatyr23]

Get to know my OC

This sounded like a really fun one! I got tagged by @gummybugg, so go check out their version of the post here.

RINA! RINA GET IN ‘ERE!!!

An alligator-tailed girl with shaggy brown hair and blue overalls walks her way into the interview room, leaving water where she goes. Given that she’s dripping wet and smells like a bog, it’s likely that she just came by from a swim. She hops up onto the stool provided for her and rests arms between her legs, gripping the top of the stool while kicking her feet back and forth.

“So uh... What’s this about now?”

1. Are you named after anyone?

"I don’t know anybody else named Rina, that’s fer sure! Oh, you must mean my family name! Well o’ course I got the same last name as mah family. It’d be mighty odd if I didn’t!” Rina turns to me and asks, “Did I do that right?” After giving her a thumbs up, she turns back to the interviewer.

2. When was the last time you cried?

“Oh, that’s easy. Yesterday! Had a big ol’ cry. No shame innit.”

3. Do you have kids? Do you have any friends?

“Well yeah, o’ course I got friends! There’s my ma, my pa, Lafayette, Scarlet, Kara, Chloe, uh...” Rina pauses, counting on her webbed fingers. “Eli... I think all my neighbors count... There’s them other gals not from ‘round here too. I think they prefer anonymi... Ana... They like to keep private! So I won’t share their names unless they give me the go ahead.”

4. Do you use sarcasm?

“What’s a sarcasm? Sounds fancy! What can I trade ya for it?” I whisper into Rina’s ear what sarcasm is, and she slaps her knee, chuckling. “Ah gosh dang it, I didn’t know that was a turn o’ phrase! Nah, I don’t use sarcasm! I don’t have a sarcastic bone in my body!”

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

“Their smell. Human folk are really stanky. Mostly sweat, but sometimes they smell a bit more... Salty? Yeah.” Rina sniffs the air, saying, “and you, Mr. Fancypants interviewer smell like shampoo!”

6. What's your eye color?

“Wha? What kinda question is THAT? Of course I know what my own eye color is...” Rina sneakily reaches into a pocket on her overalls, pulling out a very tiny mirror. She slips it back into her pocket, snickering mischievously. “It’s green!”

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

“My ma doesn’t let me watch them scary movies with the screaming ladies on the covers so I wouldn’t know. Even so, why wouldn’t I pick happy endings? Everybody likes happy endings!”

8. Any special talents?

“Let’s see... I can play the banjo! I’m learning to cook from my ma! And uh...” Rina scratches her head. “Is fixin’ things a talent? One time when I was out on this reeeeeal long roadtrip with my buds - which I can’t name - their car broke down and I managed to fix it! Well sorta. It’s more like I realized what was wrong, so we dragged it around until we found this village with these little people with big ol’ BEARDS and, oh, that’s a bit off topic, ain’t it?”

9. Where were you born?

“In Bebop Bayou of course! That bein’ said, I don’t exactly ‘member where I was when I was born... That was a long time ago, you know?”

10. What are your hobbies?

“Fightin’ things, solvin’ problems, helpin’ Lafayette find treasure, and let’s see... Ooh, I like makin’ friends too! That’s a hobby, ain’t it?”

11. Do you have any pets?

“Oh yeah, I got a big ol’ catfish! I feed ‘em all kinds a junk, and he eats it up, too! O’ course this unsettles Big Pete - he’s a catfish guy in the bayou - so I try not to talk about my pet much ‘round him. You know, I heard a long time ago there weren’t always beastfolk like us in the world, and then we just sorta... Appeared! Wild, ain’t it? I don’t understand much about the history of it an all, but I know somethin’ big happened way back when. Like... Poof!”

12. What sports do you play/have played?

“Is fishin’ a sport? Ha, I’m just messin’ with ya! I’ve played rock toss before with my friends in the past. What, don’t know what rock toss is? It’s where ya throw a big ol’ rock around, and ya run with it, and if you cross a line with it, you get a point! Or somethin’ like that. It’s been a while since I played.”

13. How tall are you?

“I’m less than half the size of my ma and pa. I’m still growin’, though! I tell you what, once I grow up like my folks, why, I’ll be the biggest gator in all the bayou!”

14. Favorite subject in school?

“Haha, that’s funny. Nah, we ain’t got a school ‘round here. We tried to fix up an old burnt one outside the bayou, but that... Did not go well last time.”

15. Dream job?

“Wrestler! No, action movie star! Chef? Professional fisher? No no wait, a wrestler movie star that uses fish and cookin’ to beat up the bad guys in their movies!! Ah, this interview was too easy, chief! You gotta come up with harder questions next time!”

As was promised to Rina prior to the interview, I treat her to “free ice cream”. And by “free”, I mean I pay for it. I don’t mind though. After she gets her treat, she wanders back over to the bayou to gloat about how easy it was to get her free ice cream to her friends, who she is certain will be super jealous of her.

Tagging (This is totally optional, so don’t sweat it): @scarlett-olivier, @space-writes, @helioscenic, @withlovelunette, @minutiaewriter, @aether-wasteland-s, and anyone else that’s interested in doing it!