#I HAVE THINGS I WANT TO RANT ABOUT AND I ABSOLUTELY WILL

[t1ts-4-donaldson]

more pirate art and mermaid reader please please please!!!

Pirate!Art Donaldson x Mermaid!Reader meeting for the first time

Pirate! Art always goes to the same spot every night to catch a glimpse of you for weeks since he last spotted you. His friends think he’s crazy claiming that what he’s searching for is cursed not meant to be discovered by those who walk on land.

Patrick insists that it’s the rum he drinks whenever they go out late at night it brings out all the fantasies he hasafter having one too many pints of rum while gambling coins away stating that Art's wasting his time, "you should be focusing on pussy above sea level” Patrick grunts almost toppling over the blonde boy the smell of alcohol and sour musk making art cringe "and you need a bath jesus" he shoves Patrick off of him.

Art is completely undeterred.

It’s the same process tonight slowly walk up the wooden steps from below deck making sure not to wake the sleeping men hanging from their hammocks and make shift cots. He silently walks across the deck and jump off the ship sprinting down towards the shore, he sits and waits on the dock gazing towards the open ocean until he hopefully sees you.

He almost gives up when It's past midnight but stops in his tracks when something bobs up and down on the horizon, small ripples on the surface of the murky water meeting sand.

His throat feels tight when he spots the mysterious creature that's been leaving gifts for him, a woman, you. Absolutely beautiful in every way glowing under the moonlight your scales glimmering different hues of blue and green under the surface.

you flinch the minute his feet give way on the wooden planks Art's heart stops not wanting you to escape. This was the first time he'd ever seen you and he refuses to fuck this up.

"wait." He whispers raising his hands in surrender "I'm not going to hurt you just please-" his voice cracks "don't leave.." he begs. He feels pathetic realizing how desperate he sounds the entire crew wouldn't let him live down how whipped he is but he doesn't give a damn, he's been craving you for so long.

it takes all of you not to swim away he can tell, to dive back into the watery depths but you'd been fantasizing for so long too. Watching him move about the ship hidden behind rocks or below the belly of the ship. It made you feel like a creep at first, stalking a man who might actually be terrified of you and your condition but your crush pushes down your worries.

you find the courage to mumble a soft "hi.." it makes Art's heart soar.

"What's your name?" He asks voice barely above a whisper thinking how this is too good to be true.

You quietly mumble your name swimming closer "what about you?" you ask.

"Art, I'm Art." He mutters absolutely mesmerized. He laughs at how ludicrous this is the mermaids actually exist.. he might be in love with a mermaid.

The action makes you wary "why.. are you making fun of me?" You furrow your brows drifting back not realizing it was from a place of admiration and awe

"no, no way never!" he stammers "just.. I never thought this would happen.. they all said I was crazy. Patricks going to flip out." He rambles.

You've heard that name "Patrick? the the crude one?" you chuckle.

Art's jaw drops, you've been watching me.. us?"

you nod meekly "I've been leaving all my treasures.. I hope it wasn't too forward." you wince the idea of turning him off.

"it's the nicest thing anyones ever done for me.." he smiles softly reassuring you, "except for when Patrick let me win that one sparing match for a prize but that's another conversation" he rants

"is he your lover? Patrick?" you question cocking your head curiously, trying to tamper down any jealousy you feel

"no just friends.. we've done stuff but um it's normal guys just being friends" Art blushes it's endearing "nice guy's being friends" you snicker, "I have a friend like that too.. Tashi she's perfect" you gush.

It throws Art off bubbling sense of ownership making him feel guilty, you're not an object to keep 'Tashi' his face sours

"but she's not you!" you shake your head consoling him "no one could ever be you.." He smirks a little bit of cockiness bubbling inside him you like him too the idea getting to his head.

panic sets in as the sky begins to lighten "I need to go, I'm sorry" you sputter the onslaught of sadness hitting you in waves, leaving him here crushing your heart

"how can I see you again I need to see you please." Art rushes forward into the water

your brain clambers for any ideas when something pops up, "here" you hand over an old conch shell covered in seaweed and barnacles he glances up confused.

"Speak into it and I will hear you." you clarify "I will come when I can"

you reach out and take hold of his fingers in your webbed hands a relieved sigh leaves Art's lips as he closes his eyes, actual heaven. He hears a splash and opens them just as quick staring at open waves as if you were never there.

[ploppythespaceship]

So to absolutely no one's surprise, the new Section 31 movie is quite bad. Critics are tearing it to pieces, and rightfully so. As IGN said, "Section 31 will infuriate Star Trek fans and bore everyone else." And... yeah, that's about right. I don't know if it's the worst Trek movie ever made, but it's certainly in one of the bottom slots.

This post has no major spoilers, but I am putting it under a cut because it turned into a long rant.

The core problem here is the cast. It's an ensemble piece consisting of characters ranging from mildly boring to actively irritating. There's no depth or interesting dynamics at play here. Just a bunch of characters trying to be zany and edgy.

Which brings me to the next issue -- the tone. Basically, this movie wants to be James Gunn's Suicide Squad, but it doesn't understand the careful balance needed to pull that off. It wants to be the edgy, gritty Star Trek movie where people get to murder and be bad, while also having wacky side characters that get to joke around. The result is that half the cast feels like it's in a gritty drama, and the other half feels like it's in a bad comedy.

To emphasize how bad this issue is -- the very last line of the movie is a yo mama joke. No, I am not kidding.

The pacing is pretty bad. You can tell that this was conceived as a miniseries before being cut down to a 90 minute film. The whole thing feels choppy and uneven. They spend too long in some sections and then not long enough in others. At one point halfway through, I literally said out loud, "Oh that's where episode one would have ended," because you could practically feel the entire film switch gears.

We also don't see enough of Georgiou and San's relationship, which the climax sort of hinges on. All we get are flashbacks of them pressing foreheads together in a backlit room, saying that they're one.

This either needed to be stretched back out to a full miniseries -- which probably still would have been pretty bad -- or it needed to be drastically reworked to better suit its runtime.

The style is also absolutely all over the place. It's trying to emulate something like Suicide Squad or Guardians of the Galaxy, but with a laughable incompetence. The first scene left me gaping in awe of how terrible the editing was. There are so many badly placed cross-fades, extended establishing shots, weird almost-music-sequences that aren't willing to commit... then other scenes will just be filmed normally. If they wanted this film to have its own distinct style, they needed to fully commit to it, and make that part of the story's core identity. This just feels like they tacked things on without fully understanding how to actually utilize them.

And the QUICK ZOOMS. This might be a weird thing to fixate on, but I genuinely felt like I was losing my mind. This movie would not stop doing quick zooms, on everything, for every scene. You'll be watching two characters exchange quiet, calm dialogue, and the camera just keeps cranking in closer to their faces. It's just another stylistic choice that they're doing without any real understanding of why.

Perhaps most irritatingly, this movie fundamentally misunderstands the concept of Section 31. First, they just don't get the most basic premise of the organization they based their entire movie on. A Starfleet officer is an official part of their team, expressly there to serve as their Federation oversight. Excuse me?? Did you watch a SINGLE previous Section 31 episode?? The entire point of this group is that they exist beyond official oversight.

But even worse, I'm not sure these writers understand that Section 31 are the bad guys. One of Georgiou's lines is, "Section 31 is just the place for officers who bend the rules, never quite break them, until they do." The final scene has Garrett fondly calling Georgiou a "bad bitch." And the team doesn't really do anything all that morally questionable -- they all just crack terrible edgy jokes the whole time. In this movie, Section 31 genuinely is just Starfleet but edgy, and it pisses me the hell off.

Genuinely, the utter misunderstanding of Section 31 is one of my least favorite things about modern Trek. I really hope this movie's reception will convince them to just shelve the group entirely for a while.

I do think a decent version of this movie could have existed. Cut the entire side cast to have a tighter focus on a trio of Georgiou, Alok, and Garrett. Georgiou and Alok have a similar enough backstory that they could develop a really interesting dynamic with more screentime. And Garrett can be there as the Starfleet officer who stumbled into the situation against her will, and tries to maintain her moral compass while also recognizing that drastic action is needed to defend the Federation.

Then you could actually explore the meaningful differences in morality between these characters. Touch on the core themes of what Section 31 was originally meant to be. Do the ends justify the means? At what point have you gone too far? And with Georgiou specifically -- is it even possible for someone like to her to seek redemption? Can she truly earn it?

Instead, we get a bland movie that isn't interested in exploring any deeper meanings. It just wants to be an edgy Star Trek version of Suicide Squad. And that's a damn shame.

[skymagpie]

I have been ranting and raving like a madwoman about BfA lately, and I have to put my thoughts into one coherent essay or I will explode

Battle for Azeroth is the original sin of everything that was wrong with Shadowlands and everything that will forever be wrong in this franchise between the Horde and Alliance. People have talked in length of the massive character assassination of Sylvanas with the Burning of Teldrassil (the original sin) so I won't go into that, but everything from that point on is a serious narrative landslide.

The Kul Tiras zone quests were good, and Zandalar is even better. The whole thing with N'zoth was great. The Fourth War storyline is absolutely irreparably terrible.

The way Jaina is written is one of the major issues with everything terrible, because this was supposed to be her moment to forgive herself, find forgiveness from her home and use her powers to fight against the rising threat through which she will finally find catharsis for her father's death and Theramore. However somewhere in the middle of those beautiful heartfelt cinematics with her mother and the beautiful animated video, we get this

This is film language to depict a villainous character. Especially when you put this shot right after the blood curdling scream of a 17-18 year old girl who just found her father dead. This is a villain shot that has nothing to do with anything else Jaina has done in the entire narrative, she is not even there in the game. But THIS is still left in.

And since my post, much like the game itself, sidelines the Horde narrative of this, lets look at the other side of the story, the one you get when you are playing Horde.

The young princess of a foreign kingdom is kidnapped by another kingdom under suspicion she might be working with the enemy. She is in fact seeking help to save her country from an artificial Old God. While escaping, there is an attempt on the princess's life. This is already something that would justify her father, the king, going to war with this kingdom - which he doesn't.

Then said kingdom invades the shores of the princess's homeland, ransacks her city and destroys sacred shrines, kills a great amount of their people and finally kills her father the king in front of her, prompting that blood curling scream as she watches him die.

And this whole story has no actual closure. The princess never gets revenge, in fact she gets to solve even more problems caused by all of this, the people that did this are never forced to face what they have done. In fact it's never brought up. It just happens.

And then you are given the chance to play as one of the people whose kingdom was ransacked and whose king was murdered. You can play a Zandalari. And you are forced to be nice to his murderers and help them out with their own problems and through their own trauma. Because we made peace now. Two huge atrocities, and now everyone is friends with each other.

This cannot happen. This should've never have happened. Burning Teldrassil shouldn't have happened, Jaina's raid on Dazar'alor should've never have happened. Fourth War was handled like dogshit and left so many problems that half of them cannot even be fixed. They are just swiped under the rug.

So don't tell me about Jaina apologism or Jaina hate, this is clearly a case where the writers were going to villainbat her, they gave up halfway, left their mess behind and now if you want to play Zandalari you have to live with the fact that there will never be any kind of narrative closure for you, that you will be friends with Jaina and that Talanji will never get an ending to her arc and any kind of catharsis.

And if you are a Jaina fan, you were robbed of some good parallels and complexity, because if this is a narrative they intended (which it isn't) and if this is a narrative you like for Jaina, its tragic that she never gets haunted by her role in the death of another girl's father, in the same story where she deals with the death of her own father. That the parallels between her and Talanji were brought up so vaguely they might as well be a mistake, and that she was the architect of creating trauma for another young woman that will most likely never even come up again, much less impact her as the empathic and kind person Blizzard is trying to revert her to.

But because none of this is intended, everything will be swiped under the rug, you will drag your Zandalari through slop Kirin Tor questlines with Jaina as if nothing happened, and if you heaven forbid like Talanji, you will just never get catharsis for her entire story.

0/10 for the Fourth War, you missed every shot you took and killed the bystanders with them.

[eyebulb]

I like ranting and I found another topic so here goes. Blitz' treatment of Stolas in Mastermind and Sinsmas is not OOC or sudden and here's why. First of.. Blitz has always been a caregiver. We see in flashbacks with Fizz that he's very protective over people he cares about. We see it in fights in the way he gets between people and danger and we see it in his adoption of Loona. Loona and Blitz are an anomaly. Adopting a hellhound isn't strange, but adopting one as a daughter is. Blitz saw someone who struggled alone and acted out. He saw someone like himself and wanted to give them opportunities that he didn't have. So yea, he's a caretaker. He also sees M&M as family despite them being employees. But he takes care of them too. Blitz also has one very big traumatic event where he lost everyone he cares about in one go. His mother died and Barbie and Fizz started hating him. He was alone and had to pick himself up. He can reconcile with Fizz and Barbie but he will never get the opportunity to make it up to his mother, and this kills him. So now we've established that. So what about Stolas. Stolas is someone who he reluctantly caught feelings for. He didn't want to have feelings for him and he didn't trust that anything could come of it. For him though, that nothing could come of it was also a safety net for him. He's scared of hurting people he loves so he doesn't let people get close enough. He's in the habit of pushing people's limits so that when they leave he won't feel as bad about it. He did it with Verosika when she told him she loved him. So having this thing with Stolas that he actually enjoyed but that was seemingly casual made it safe to indulge in. Stolas' wouldn't get to close anyways cus he doesn't care about Blitz that way. So emotionally he couldn't get hurt. And Stolas is a Goetia, one of the most powerful beings in hell so he couldn't get hurt that way either. So in every way, this is great for Blitz! Who's afraid of hurting people. But... With time we see Blitz realize that Stolas isn't indestructible. First with Striker hospitalizing him and then later when Stolas admits his feelings. Although he didn't quite realize how emotionally hurt Stolas was until he got his chance to provoke the crap out of Stolas and he still didn't change the narrative (apology tour). By then though, Blitz already accepted that he lost Stolas. That he fucked up.. again... and he spirals. He self-sabotages and tries to push everyone away by being shitty. Cus that's what he thinks he deserves. But Millie is stronger and won't let him. In Ghostfuckers he starts to realize that he has some self-worth. That he CAN make people happy too. Then Mastermind happens.. and that's an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved. They all have a near-death situation happening to them and they go through the very real threat of almost losing someone they love. The IMP-group had this with Blitz but Blitz had it with Stolas. You gotta remember that Blitz also thought that Stolas was going to die here. Once again he was faced with the risk of losing someone completely and not being able to make it up to them. Just like his mother. But Stolas didn't die. He lost everything instead. He ended up in a situation that Blitz personally has found himself in before. By this point Blitz has made peace with his feelings for Stolas, and before this he thought he'd fucked up enough to lose him. But now Stolas needs help, and Blitz knows how to give it. Here's his chance to make amends. So.. TLDR' Blitz is a caretaker at heart, loves Stolas, thought he'd never get to make it up to him again and knows what it's like to lose everything. Ofc he's gonna do his absolute best to be there for him. Plus. It's not even the first person we see him being soft to. He's soft with Loona all the time but ALSO with Fizz. He's soft if he needs to be with people he cares deeply for. That's it.

[dobbysimp]

since this is tumblr after all, i feel like i should go back to my roots so:

things that have been said to or around me, as incorrect marauders quotes

sirius: what kinda fruit would i be? and dont say faggot

mary: imagine getting to absolutely explode inside someone

*30 seconds of silence of picturing it*

🎶iF i WeRe A bOy 🎶

peter: cereal is non binary

sirius: sure if you wanna make it into gay shit

peter: FRUIT LOOPS ITS IN THE NAME

james: if you were a fruit loop color which one w- LETS TAKE A QUIZZ

barty: i don’t just throw it away, i play catch w my sanity

Remus: *mom lore*

Peter: were you an accident?

Remus: oh yeah

Peter: that checks out

sirius: i love cum

james: 🤨

sirius: dont quote me on that

james: im quoting you

pandora to barty: can you stop talking about sperm so i can do my tarot reading?

remus: this might be rock bottom

peter: the thing about rock bottom is you can only go up

remus: we dont know, i have a shovel

peter deadpanning: have you ever even BEEN on minecraft?

sirius: i cant tell if im having a crisis or i just need to wash my hair

peter: furry

sirius: furry

james: furry

remus, defeated: why is this the joke we all roll with?

evan: i was regulus-ing too close to the sun trying to put my emotions in boxes

james, to sirius: the trauma is bouncing around in your head like the dvd logo and only when it hits a corner do you get a second of peace

sirius: I wish I could date myself I would treat me so well

james: I think you just stumbled upon self love

lily, scrolling on tinder: he’s cute

mary: is he?

lily: *swipes left*

James: I have brain freeze on the outside of my head

Regulus: that’s called being cold

sirius: im getting a lot of… brain things

remus: ideas?

remus: *looking smth up about worms, reading the suggested searches* “can paul atreides control worms?”

sirius: would you love me if i was paul atreides?

remus: no

sirius: would you love paul atreides if he was a worm?

remus: no

sirius: would you love a worm if it was paul atreides?

remus: i would have questions about HOW the worm became paul, but probably not

peter: is it… why was i thinking self harm? no wait… masturbation!

remus: what are you, catholic?

sirius: if i ever jump off a building just know it was bc i genuinely believed i could fly not because i wanted to kms

barty: on my deathbed can yall bring me a cup of gasoline? i wanna try that shit at least once

james: dang nabbit, or whatever the fuck white lame virgins say

regulus: i think you had a stroke out loud

james: that was just me doing math

trans reg complaining while doing hw: im just a girl

evan: nO?

sirius, about Minnie: she’s always three spots ahead in the cha cha line

james: she’s in the cha cha line meanwhile im doing the macarena

(playing battleship)

remus: I cant believe you blew up my ship and your response was “tehee”

peter: Top 10 things Adolf Hitler never said

(30 minutes later)

remus: (is losing at multiple board games) IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF! IM DONE- I AM SO DONE…

peter: Top 10 things Adolf Hitler has said

dorcas: evan is emotionally unstable but mature

regulus: one usually leads to the other

dorcas: nah barty is emotionally unstable AND immature

regulus: i said usually

mary: their lives are gonna go up in flames and im gonna sit there watching and tanning

lily: can you tan from fire?

mary: for sure

marlene: do you think people tanned at the salem witch trials?

peter and sirius: *debating*

remus: what did i just walk in on?

sirius: can animagus fuck?

remus: excuse me?

peter: we think yes

remus:… I think it makes sense

sirius: now here’s the real question, if James and Lily-

remus: no.

james: what if i dated regulus just to watch the world burn

remus: the world wouldn’t burn, you would, and sirius would be holding the lighter

sirius, ranting about remus drama: and then this happened and I have never been more distraught… thats a lie i was abused but still

peter, after making 18 your mum jokes: that’s what your mom said

sirius: stop i can only take so much

peter: she said that too!

pandora: im chilling, i could be a budah

regulus: i don’t think you’re chilling i think you’re disassociating

pandora: im budah

remus, ranting drunk: because my parents- my parents pfft i only have one

dorcas: am i being manipulative?

barty: no, I would be doing the same thing

dorcas: that’s not as comforting as you think it is

regulus: Hey google how to find a man that will edge me for hours, no borax or glue

james: i mean i have adhd i could probably do that

sirius, about reg: he’s not even fun anyway

james: siri… he gets abused

sirius: dont we all

peter: i think the bible is a mass hallucination, kinda like the bee movie

pandora: yk how when you buy things in bulk its cheaper? maybe we can get therapy in bulk for all 5 of us

regulus about sirius after he leaves Grimmauld: Bro acts like a Disney kid who just broke the contract

regulus: so, cannibalism as a metaphor, right—

remus: go to bed

sirius: to speak or to die? speak duh, im probably gonna die bc of what I said anyway

regulus: i had a great childhood…

sirius: *side eye*

regulus: you guys are making me age so fast

barty: we are helping you mature!

regulus: barty i get abused, i’ve been mature since i was 10

pandora: *after 10 seconds of silence* beAutiful

regulus: YOU CANNOT SAY BEAUTIFUL TO ME BEING ABUSED

pandora: im gonna be honest i zoned out

marlene: *calls*

lily: *picks up*

marlene: im gonna destroy my hair i thought you’d want front row seats

mary: a mosquito could bite my clit and i would let it

lily: mary what the fuck

alice laughing maniacally: lets actually think of the logistics here

[wn11ow]

/ Unstable Universe Rant

im not good at lore theorizing so im gonna rant about how the characterization is absolutely genius. Of course, its not all spelled out for you but when you look at it, it is truly genius. (Mostly Wemmbu but uh, I'll try to see parrot and spoke too.)

Wemmbu's characterization is very interesting to me, because he tries to play the nonchalant character so hard, like a detached personality- never letting himself get too close, as demonstrated in the end of the sky civilization video. He left, taking the easy way out. It is, in the end, acknowledged by Wato in the finale as he jabs at Wemmbu that now 'He cant leave and take the easy way out to abandon everyone' if I'm correct.

He truly tries, he does try to play the detached character after Zam, Zam may have had a big impact on him considering the amount of time and effort Wemmbu put in for him, but I do think the breaking point was Manepear.

He hops from place to place (in my eyes) to find a home. I'd say, even if it's subconciously. And In my opinion, he was very reluctant to stay at Sky Civ because Egg wasn't there.

Egg is, obviously, his human part. The part of him that grounds him, keeps him from being a loose canon. Egg does try to stop Wemmbu at some points where he deems wemmbu is going to far and he's right, but wemmbu doesn't always agree but at some points he does.

Anyway, He came to Manepear to learn to fight. (Which IMO, that desire to feel SAFE and STRONG is a result of what happened with Zam. Feeling cornered everytime they fought, being belittled by him like a child. feeling powerless, if i may.)

I think that as a defense mechanism, he's trying to really really be detached, but in reality he's desperately searching for something solid. Something that doesn't leave. You know?

I come to that conclusion because of his reaction when Manepears tree got destroyed- He immediately wanted revenge. Call me delulu, but that was a clear indication he had some type of attachment to it. I'd say he still has manepears shield, and maybe some of you will say that he just didnt need a new shield, i want you to remember when he wanted Egg to take off the Zam shield and how he made such a big deal out of it. He cares about little things like these, and I stand by that.

The Sheer silence that occurred when manepear left, called him a lost cause, is where I think the breaking point for Wemmbu was. Hey, there wasn't much of a physical reaction but I do think something broke inside of him.

Also, when wemmbu told Egg 'i don't think we're gonna be seeing manepear anytime soon.' He sounded so sad DUDE, like. You could HEAR the grief he still has.

Despite me sounding like a wemmbu apologist, He still has made stupid dumb mistakes. And also very frustrating considering how self centered he acts, his arrogance is really loud. And abandoning Sky Civ wasn't the best course of action, but he still did it. And honestly I'm so glad Wato does hint to it, and that not everything is magically fixed bc they met later on.

You know what they say, 'The dog that weeps after it kills is no better then the dog that doesn't, You grief will not purify you.'

maybe not the best quote, (it fits parrot better maybe, or even s4!spoke.) but yeah.

WHEW thats enough, thank you to anyone who reads this!

[femmeleatherface]

update: i finished the second doctor's run and all the three stooges shorts in the same week because the timing was just that impeccable. i AM still thinking about this and have more coherent (but also even more incoherent) thoughts now

in the "three stooges wind up in a doctor who scenario" flip-flop:

i believe even more strongly that it would be best that it's ww2-era stooges and they wind up in a dalek storyline, if only in deference to the stooges being the first to have their explicitly anti-nazi film sneak past censors to theaters. you've got so many parallels between that era and classic who: saving the day from genocidal fascists who want you dead... way way wayyyy too much yellowface oh my god...

setup isn't really necessary but if we must then it starts as a nice ordinary productive day for the stooges being terrible at being nice ordinary productive members of society. and then a mad scientist with a guy in a shittyass gorilla suit in a cage mad sciences them away to the doctor who universe

dr. howard, dr. fine, dr. howard are our wonderful and terrible heroes. who is THE doctor, though? depends on who you ask…

instead of dressing up and mocking fascists, the stooges have to climb into a dalek body to dress up and mock them, and it very much just becomes this:

the daleks are absolutely the straight men in this scenario and baffled by the lack of logic in everything's that happening. if they had hair they would be pulling it. hell, maybe one dalek has a bad toupee and pulls it just for the sight gag. idk

a dalek starts giving a monologue about how superior and amazing they are and the stooges tell it to shut up, poke it in the eyepiece, and shoves it down the stairs. the episode then ends with the stooges making their own monologue about how great and amazing america is. it is unclear how self-aware this is meant to be

this may or may not become a retelling of "the evil of the daleks," except they wind up with the stooges for their human factor tests and everything goes absolutely haywire because the three stooges are the WORST humans you could pick for this. maybe they were in league with the mad scientist with the shittyass gorilla suit man

needless to say, the human factor, once extracted, results in the daleks acting... honestly probably just as goofy as they act in the OG episode (choo-choo!)

that said a dalek DOES hold a pie with its toilet plunger arm and it DOES get thrown in someone's face in climactic pie fight. why would you think this would not happen. is this because of the stooges' human factor? or has this dalek simply succumbed to the madness? no clue. civil war definitely still happens though

curly regenerates into shemp regenerates into joe. or, bonus points: shemp regenerates into curly regenerates back into shemp regenerates into fake shemp and then regenerates into joe

meanwhile, in the "doctor and co. wind up in a three stooges scenario" flop-flip:

i'm torn between having this be a retelling of a doctor who episode that just happens to be in a three stooges logic universe, or just plop them in one of the stooges' 1950s sci-fi shorts. or being its own thing but that requires too much brainpower for what is ultimately a very long shitpost

"enemy of the world" would be great for the first route, the moe/hitler comparison is right there. but "outer space jitters" would be a fun one for the second route. landing on a planet where the inhabitants are planning to use cavemen zombies to conquer earth feels very much like it should be a doctor who episode already

jamie and zoe are the companions. jamie because OF COURSE and zoe because her mathematical brain cannot comprehend what's happening and she must use the events of the episode to learn about the rule of funny and how it trumps all known scientific law

but also if victoria WERE there, could she please beat the snot out of some guy while ranting about how horrible he is for picking on a poor, helpless, defenseless woman? it feels like something that needs to happen

the episode opens with the doctor and co checking things out on the viewscreen, and they are shocked that there is a literal caption on the image: "planet moronika: where the men are men and the women are glad of it." this is their first clue they have wound up in some weird universe

the second clue is them being struck by urges to poke each other in the eyes and knock each other's heads together and all-around smack each other around and this for some reason NOT resulting in constant incapacitation and merely temporary annoyance is

third clue that finally allows them to put the pieces together is them enduring some slasher movie level violence that SHOULD have killed them, but teehee haha, they have slapstick comedians' superpowers of walking off things like houses falling on them

(also this is a lost episode and these moments of violence are the only extant parts because they were removed by censors in other countries <333)

men whistling at zoe (in her flashy sequin suit) and any other female characters is really weird and confusing for the tardis crew because, i mean. this is old school doctor who. nobody's allowed to do anything more scandalous than chastely hug each other with all their clothes (and multiple extra layers) firmly on

meanwhile, totally unrelatedly, the following exchange definitely happens:

jamie and the doctor: [kiss ""accidentally""] jamie: "ack! i've been poisoned!" [smack] the doctor: 🙄

also the trio definitely do the "heads stacked while poking around a corner" gag that they already do in a couple real doctor who episodes, but i unfortunately can't remember which ones specifically for imaging purposes so enjoy this three stooges publicity photo to demonstrate:

zoe and the doctor get a mad scientist moment. unfortunately, they put too much yeast in the mad science. it does not end well

jamie encounters the scottish stereotypes of the stooge shorts "the hot scots" and "scotched in scotland." hijinks ensue

footage is blatantly reused from previously episodes--and not just brief clips but whole scenes, even gags from previous installments in this very serial. the characters realize they are in some horrible timeloop. for reasons. oh no!!!

someone is fake shemped and it is REALLY obvious. like if frazer hines being replaced for one episode was not integrated into the story and just happened completely out of nowhere with zero explanation. the doctor is the only one that can't tell when he's talking to a fake shemp due due to faceblindness

the doctor, zoe, and jamie spend the night in a triple bunk bed with no ladder. there are of course hijinks and it does of course end in the doctor being squashed beneath three mattresses and a bajillion planks of wood

the doctor and co crawl back to the tardis at the end of the episode just completely filthy, covered in dust and food and ink and eggs and also clutching a single extremely delicious-looking pie they saved from the slaughter. they try to escape to go somewhere where they can eat the pie in peace, but oh no! the stoogiverse won't let them go! but why? zoe realizes: the rule of funny must be satisfied. with great reluctance, she shoves the pie in the doctor or jamie's faces. the tardis finally leaves. the end

so i'm watching old three stooges shorts during the intervals in my doctor who watch where i have to track down/listen to audio reconstructions of lost episodes. it's been taking a while because audio dramas do not agree with my brain At All, but at last i'm up to the second doctor now!

and i don't know about anyone else, but when i was a little kid i remember thinking that the second doctor and moe howard were the same guy. they're not, obviously, but even as an adult whenever i see either of them it trips me up for a second. and needless to say i have been getting tripped up a LOT lately as i wade my way through season 4 doctor who recons.

it's definitely the hair above all else. maybe also the faces and mannerisms.

anyway... totally unrelated but i now really need one of the following:

the three stooges--comprised of dr. howard, dr. fine, and dr. howard, naturally--wind up in a doctor who scenario and must save whatever nosy situation they have found themselves in. considering their wartime shorts and adventures in moronika, i think it would be delightful to see them go up against the daleks and save the day as schmaltzily and cartoonishly as possible while everyone else plays it straight and is so confused by these demented nyuk-nyukers.

the second doctor and his companions wind up in a space/time that operates on three stooges logic. shenanigans ensue. i'm unfortunately not far enough into the second doctor to have ideas for the shenanigans, but if anyone else does feel free to share! rules are only that there must be outlandish slapstick violence to make the bbc quiver in its boots.

[ickyguts]

Friendly fire

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

[drop-dead-dropout]

I've said it before but I really really really need everyone in the disco elysium fandom to like. look at themselves for a moment and make sure they're not being insanely ridiculously dehumanizing to addicts because I see it way too often. I'm not talking about saying that harry is a bad person, depending on your choices in your playthrough he could absolutely be described as a very shitty person, I'm talking about this weird insistence that harry as an addict/recovering addict/whatever doesn't deserve love or friendship or community because he's just That Bad and he will ALWAYS be That Bad and inflicting him on someone else would be cruel and unusual punishment. like... actually fuck each and every last one of you who says shit like that I'm not joking.

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Everyday I mourn the fact that we did not get more bill and twelve content

[ganondoodle]

(while i am crumbling into pieces from cramp pain)

back when they announced the totk masterworks book i said i wasnt happy about it bc it would either

prove they thought all this was good from the start and everything went as planned

show us that they had unbelievable better ideas and plans but for some unknow reason scrapped it all

as it stands now with the concepts i have seen ... they somehow did both, some things seemed to have been planned fro mthe start (the whole focus on sonau/zonai stuff for example, which i personally just dont like bc i liked them better as an unkown mystery you never get to meet) and other stuff (like ganondorfs concepts, or the infinitely cooler castle in the sky esque concepts for the sky islands, instead of some nonsensical, meaningless little stone crumbs) was much, much more interesting initially (together with the interviews that said they initially planned to have the battery be a magic meter and make the sonau more magic than tech- but then decided to build their stuff around modern electrical devices just so players would immediately know what it was an what it would do -why????? thats so boring?? and unecessary ?? and they still give you tutorials for it anyway, multiple times??!!- for some ungodly reason)

it makes me more and more sure that this game, that took 6 years to make with most assets already being there (the same time that botw took to make?????????), went through a similar development hell as that one final fantasy game did where the director decided to make it an entirely different game every few weeks bc he saw something cool in another game-

its the only thing that makes sense to me, why else would it be so weirdly ... unfinished, its full of grand ideas badly executed, or like i said in a previous post, like an alpha build (weird! did someone in charge also see cool stuff every few months and decide they wanted it in there too no matter what so everyone had to scramble to try and put it in making the whole jenga tower fall over and over??), just to test how far you can push things, with placeholders everywhere, the same cutscene pasted in where another should be and a placeholder reason to get players to go soemwhere (fake zelda) and rough ideas for puzzles etc, that was never finished, jsut highly polished (in looks, sounds and presentation) in hopes of it being 'good enough' or players not noticing (like, take the underground for example, the idea itself is fantastic and cool as fuck, but its feels like an idea that was never finished and just barely fileld with some things to try and cover up the fact that it was never done, like a statue that wasnt done being carved but ran out of time so they painted it anyway- take the base map and invert it, put some easily accessible points of jumping down into it in random spots to test if the game can handle it- no time left to actually get that idea anywhere more specific and well thought out/put together, so its left like that, put the same texture everywhere, barely modified copies of the same enemies, and some little reward spots that make no sense, modelling three types of trees and an enemy camp is way quicker to do than actually making an entire new map (they didnt have to make it the same size btw, just make it big but unique caves, put the gravity effect down there in enclosed spaces! makes it less weird to have randomly happen in the sky! etc) but its there!! its in the game and if they are lucky most players wont go down there enough to notice how meaningless and unfinished it all is)

knowing they would most likely never admit to it though, probably bc of their reputation, is just addign to the frustrations i have with it :I

(i just hate to not know the reason for things, if the devs, who are usually the ones being worked to the bone for things they know arent good, where put through that bc some executive big shot threw their tables around every so often or neglected their project bc they wanted to focus on something else first ... id like to know, i dont enjoy making up these conspiracy (?) theories .......... but i cant shake this feeling, its jsut makes no sense)

[xenomorphicdna]

On the string propaganda

Heeellll yeah

Bestie is an entire PLACE

I look at those guys and let me tell you the soul of that thing ain't just in the puppet, it's in all the neurons carrying the thoughts and emotions, it's in the power rails that serve as the heart. All the memories in the memory conflux and all the numbers we see flicker across displays, the flux condensers, the puppet; a little avatar.

No way these massive machines see life the same way we do. They have their own experiences and senses and things they hold dear. A world we can't imagine, a way of living we couldn't even comprehend.

I could never tear an iterator apart to be just a puppet. Who am I to decide how's life supposed to be enjoyed or perceived?

You treat your creechurs however you want- I ain't gonna dictate that. But damn, hearing the thrums and buzzes of the linear systems rail? They are alive with so much power, these mechanical beasts are exactly what they should be.

[perpetuallyboo]

Shout out to everyone this season who has been SO HYPED for the rat grinders to get what they fucking deserve and get OBLITERATED in the fight!!!! absolutely insane battle going on but seeing how pathetic the rat grinders really are in an actual battle alongside how All In everyone is in fighting them is SO GOOOOD AHHHH!!!!

[concrete-3ater]

if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] can’t understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when they’re going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels

not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice

[celtrist]

Why does Vassago already have merch, we haven't even met him yet