#I DO genuinely hate being in this position every time I do send that post around. i hate it more than I can ever express

[bigskydreaming]

Like, I am very conscious of the aid people have given me and try not to ask any more than is absolutely necessary because I do not enjoy asking for charity like at ALL. But I am less than a year out from when I had a twenty thousand dollar (out of pocket) surgery to address a longterm disability caused by a gaybashing when I was nineteen and that flared up about seven years ago and caused constant, daily migraines, chronic pain and other issues that limited my ability to work while I spent the next six years doing literally everything I could to save up for that surgery while maintaining an expensive as fuck insurance plan that was the only option for getting the surgery DOWN to that ‘manageable’ price tag in the first place. Between that and the costs of just staying alive for those six years, even with e-begging and lots of help from people, I wiped out every cent of my savings and put myself in massive debt and tanked my credit as that was the literal only way I could afford that surgery and regain a decent quality of life. I STILL don’t even have fucking TEETH because every single one had to be pulled in order to do the surgery since to realign my jaw properly, I needed an even bite and after years of destroying my teeth every time I used one side of my face and one side only to do my best to chew and eat food, pulling every single one of my teeth and getting as-literally-cheap-as-possible-dentures instead of trying to repair my teeth first was quite literally the only real option without further dragging out the surgery timeline because I was basically bedridden by the time I actually did get it. After years without being able to work regularly, my ability to go back to my old careers are basically nil and I’ll have to start over from scratch - when I can even afford to - as in the meanwhile, my job options were limited by having a years out of date resume and pretty much all of my paycheck does go to managing my debt, trying to rebuild my credit, and basic cost of living while scrounging together pennies to try and save up now for the many bone graft surgeries I’ll need if I ever want to get teeth implants instead of relying on dentures for the next several decades. So yeah, I ask for help, mostly just when I don’t have money left over for food or the couple hundred dollars I spend monthly in meds because lmao, my various neurodivergencies don’t really help with all of that and I literally can’t afford to go off my meds or miss my regular schedule with them without risking everything I HAVE managed to pull together in terms of routine and income-generating ability.

So do I enjoy e-begging? Fuck no. Am I constantly trying to figure out better ways to supplement my income? Hell yeah. I’ve been trying to put together things like a patreon where people actually get something in exchange for money sent my way, for like, months and months but when I’m not working I’m fucking exhausted because grinding nonstop for six years through constant chronic pain and stress with zero days off will do that to a guy, and I haven’t exactly been able to kick back and enjoy myself even since the surgery. 

And I do my best not to put shit like that on my posts and just keep things to the bare minimum because not only do I not love dwelling on all that, I’m genuinely not trying to guilt people into anything or play the sympathy or pity card because when you used to pride yourself on being independent and self-reliant pretty much from the age of ten because your family taught you from an early age not to rely on anyone but yourself, it’d take even more therapy than I have now to actually be okay with the fact that I’d probably be dead by now without the kindness of internet strangers having helped me stay alive at times when I hadn’t eaten in days because I was busy keeping a roof over my head instead.

But sure, random internet anons - my little post about asking for $5 or $10 is an attempt to make people feel bad about getting blue checkmarks or their financials in general, as opposed to whatever that was.

[transmascissues]

next time someone tries to tell me people don’t demonize and act violently toward trans men and transmascs, i’m just going to make them read this reply i got to a positivity post that was specifically about trans manhood and transmasculinity. this is basically just every negative thing people say no one says about us rolled into one message that’s aimed directly at us.

and as if this isn’t enough on its own, their whole blog is full of this disgusting shit. it seems to be dedicated to it, actually. (fair warning, don’t look at the next two screenshots if you don’t want to see even more genuinely awful transphobia.)

you can say what you want about how they’re probably just a troll or baiting or doing this for attention but the fact remains that, regardless of their true intentions, these are real things that a real person is saying about trans men&mascs, publicly and proudly and to our faces because they want it to do damage.

i’ve dealt with people like this before, on a much closer level. when i was a teenager, i had a grown woman come into my dms just to send me very graphic and detailed instructions on how to kill myself. literally entire paragraphs with all of the steps she wanted me to take. before i blocked her, i told her she was lucky she sent it to me and not someone more vulnerable, because otherwise she might have real blood on her hands. she just sent the whole thing again.

we can argue all day about infantilization versus demonization, erasure versus hypervisibility, what counts as violence, what words we use to talk about our oppression, and so on. but the reality is, whether you believe people want us dead or not, they clearly do, and a lot of them really aren’t making any effort to hide it. at this point, if you can’t see it, it’s because you don’t care about our lives enough to look at the reality that’s right in front of your face.

before you do anything else, block this person. don’t engage with them directly, don’t give them the satisfaction of the attention they might be fishing for, just block them. but don’t forget that they exist either, especially if you’re not a trans man or transmasc yourself. don’t just block them and move on and forget that there are real people out there who will say these things about us, who genuinely enjoy the thought that their actions might have deadly consequences.

because these are the people you empower to come out of hiding and start being blatant about their hatred when you insist that no one wants us dead, when you openly mock us and demonize us and try to cast us out from the community that we were supposed to share. when even our own people decide we’re an acceptable target, these bigots throw a fucking party because you’ve just told them they can get away with murder as long as it’s our blood on their hands. this particular blog was started recently, and i guarantee it’s not a coincidence that they started it in the midst of a rise in online anti-transmasculinity.

it really is telling, how much hate a positivity post has incited. y’all can’t stand when we talk about the bad things that happen to us, but you hate our happiness even more.

[utilitycaster]

do you really think the reason Imogen doesnt get as much meta as Caleb (who got every little detail discussed with thousands of notes!) is because people are afraid of a reaction, when its so obviously sexism?

The same reason she doesn't get the exact number of notes as Caleb? No. There's multiple reasons. I'm sure some is misogyny. Some is probably audience size for the respective campaigns, and some is simply accumulation over time - a post about Caleb from 2019 has had 5 years to gather notes.

But also. Are you fucking stupid. You literally showed up because of my tags to be kind of a dick in my inbox. I and multiple people who committed the grave sin of *checks notes* interacting with me were sent hate messages for hours on a Saturday night because I hinted in the tags that I kind of liked Fearne and Ashton as a ship while not being terribly into Imogen and Laudna, and some absolutely deranged loser decided this was an appropriate response. I was called out by someone who had made a blog specifically to block me when I responded to a reblog from someone else on a post I had made stating that Gelvaan was almost certainly not homophobic in canon and that treating Imogen's psychic powers as a metaphor for queerness has a lot of really unfortunate implications. And this hasn't even touched on that one person whose entire raison d'etre appears to be harassing every single person who doesn't think Imogen, Laudna, and their relationship is perfect; and who specifically made multiple alts to harass me. Like, the "It's Obviously Misogyny" people are genuinely putting more effort into being a dick to me than in writing meta about Imogen. You might be one of them.

I talk to many of my mutuals, some of whom really like Imogen, and yes, people do decide "you know, this could be interpreted by someone as too critical, and I don't feel like dealing with the heat" and keep that meta to the DMs or don't share it at all.

You know that post that Matt liked on Twitter that people have been, let's not mince words, jacking themselves off about ever since? If you actually try to say something with substance and evidence about how Imogen has Liliana's fear (the fear that meant that when Imogen begged her mother to leave the Vanguard, Liliana turned her own daughter down, claiming to need to stay with other children) or Delilah's love (which made her cruel, ruthless, and ultimately all-but doomed her) or Ludinus's desire for power (led him to commit endless atrocities) but resists these things in her desire to be a good person - and frankly, I think painting her with the same brush as Delilah or Ludinus isn't even true but I would love to dig into her similarities to Liliana - some asshole who smugly reblogs that post every time someone says "not to be controversial I think Imogen sometimes says things that could maybe be hurtful to other people I think" will throw a full temper tantrum and might send them an incoherent anon calling them a little hypocrite.

It's also fascinating because a lot of the tantrum-havers who will defend Imogen of even the most anodyne "perhaps this is not the most positive trait" and who will cite harassment Marisha received 7 years ago as a reason to not breathe a word of criticism about Laudna - and many of these people joined the fandom about 2 years ago if not sooner - will do this at the very people who have been supporting Keyleth since Campaign 1 was still airing. I mean, seniority doesn't mean anything but if you're lecturing people about something you weren't there for and they were? Clown behavior. Oh and a lot of those people doing the lecturing? Don't really like Keyleth very much, because she does things like "be angry" and "support Orym" and "have a measured viewpoint that doesn't match theirs" and "pretty clearly, along with Allura, who they also barely ever talk about, is directing Bells Hells along a specific path of that pesky moon plot because contrary to a weirdly widespread belief this is the moon plot campaign and not the baking cookies in a cottage campaign."

I mean, half these people forget about Fearne much of the time. The only NPCs I see many of them even talk about are the Vanguard generals and occasionally Abbadina when she's convenient for an argument. Not a damn word for Orlana or Birdie or Dancer or Weva or Rashinna, and they mostly treated Deanna, Prism, and Deni$e as nothing more than implements to shove Imogen and Laudna together but man do they have mountains to say about Bor'Dor. Hell, go to the blog of someone who whines about the way people treat Imogen and look through their meta, if they have it, and the vast majority of the time it's about Ashton and Orym and Ludinus and then they spend the rest of the time complaining about how The Big Mean Fandom is So Mean to Girls but they sure don't have much to say either because turns out if you can't say anything even remotely critical of a female character, it's really hard to write anything, and that's assuming they actually care about writing about female characters instead of just being an asshole, which as stated above is, in my mind, in doubt.

If you have ever spent a single second harassing actual living women online because you didn't like their thoughts on a pretend woman you are, at least in this specific scenario, easily the shittier person. Personally I am confident in my feminist bona fides through, you know, real world activism and how I interact with and support women and feminist causes socially, professionally, financially, and politically in my actual life, but yeah even I sometimes say "you know, I have thoughts about this thing regarding Imogen...but I've had a rough week and I don't feel like having one of the fandom tar pits on my ass" so I'll send my thoughts to a few friends and then idk, write about something else. And I'm pretty thick-skinned (this is the other problem with this strategy; you filter out the more measured and kind and sensitive people first and you're left only with people like me). A lot of people have flat-out given up writing about Imogen (or Laudna, much of the time) because they don't feel like dealing with backlash over some really mild statements. And because you send kind of dickish anons I suspect that it's more likely that you might be part of the problem than part of the solution. So no, it's not the only reason, but it's absolutely a significant one. Congratulations. You played yourself.

[daniigh0ul]

— #simblr gratitude day

dear simblr community,

hello! i'm going to be sappy. i just want to say that i really enjoy this corner of tumblr, and i look forward to reading everyone’s stories, seeing pretty screenshots, laughing at jokes only simmers would make, and the kindness i’ve seen extended from the people i follow and have had the pleasure of being mutuals with. and, modders, i didn’t forget you!! thank you for making this game better where it needs to be! this is a general post, because i want everyone to feel included today! consider yourself tagged, because you are. ❣️ (heart emoji)

to the storytellers: hi, there are so many stories on here that inspire me to be a better storyteller. whether it’s the people i’ve talked to about writing, plot, or character development, or lurking afar during a sleepless night while going through someone’s backlog, or seeing the cool and fun ways we use the video game(!) medium to tell stories, i appreciate every single one of you. whether the story is slice-of-life, fantasy, royalty, or something i haven’t discovered yet, i’m glad you’re telling your story/stories. and if i haven’t read your story yet, i will soon!!

to the funny simblrs: thank you for keeping this place alive with laughter. seriously the amount of times silly jokes have crossed my dashboard that made my day brighter are countless. whether we joke about the game’s numerous bugs and glitches, references to townies we love to hate (or hate to love), or things that are simblr specific, i appreciate you.

to the casual players:

y’all are stronger than me!! if you play vanilla, vanilla-lite, or modded and are happy to play through legacy and bachelor challenges, or share your sims for the sheer joy of sharing your sims, you are a pillar in this community! you keep this place collaborative and fun! please keep sharing your gameplay!

to the blender users (+ pretty picture people):

hi i adore your work. the use of lighting and composition and posing and all of the things you learned to make visuals for my eyes to feast upon? thank you!!! these are all things i’m still learning to do, so i really do love seeing it on my dash so i can take notes. keep posting them!!

to the modders: hi! thank you for making free recolors, free poses, free builds, free meshes, etc. made available to keep this hobby alive!! some of my favorite cc i have ever downloaded has been really niche cc—so if you’ve been doubting making that jester cc set or trash bag dress please do it. obviously, my examples are very silly but i’m being genuine!! i am a cc hoarding dragon and my collection is forever-growing, so continue making pretty things for my sims to wear, useful things to shove into lots, and poses to make my story-telling hobby a smidge easier thank you !!

okay, sappy time is over!! it’s impossible for me to know every single one of you, but to everyone i do know (or have chatted with, or am mutuals with, etc) you have been a fun and positive place for me to hang out online which is so rare in this age of the internet. keep doing that. and to anyone i don’t know yet, don’t be shy!! even if it’s not to me, the best way to become apart of this community is to engage in it—whether it’s sending an ask, replying to someone’s post, or joining a discord server! i promise you will have fun here!

<3 ok bye

[depravitycentral]

Yandere! Phinks Magcub General Profile

Yandere! Phinks Magcub x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, violence, Phinks slaps you, mentions of murder, mentions of non-con, mentions of masturbation, possessiveness, Phinks has anger issues, mentions of stalking, fem! reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy! 

DARLING PROFILE:

Friendly

In general, Phinks is not a soft man. He’s a hard edged criminal, finding his thrills in beating others and theft. There is no part of him that’s sweet –  in fact, he’d say that would almost be an insult.

And yet, there’s something weirdly alluring about a darling who is; someone who’s genuine, kind, and social. Phinks isn’t that much of a talker, but there’s something about just being genuinely friendly and open to other people that he finds incredibly cute. Naïve, yes, but adorable nonetheless.

It’s endearing to see his darling so freely chatting and interacting with those around them, making them smile and laugh and feel comfortable. It’s endearing, until suddenly it isn’t – once his obsession with them forms, Phinks is honestly hating this side of his beloved’s personality.

Of course, it’s overwhelmingly cute and only further shows just how soft and sweet and opposite his darling is compared to him, but once his possessiveness forms it’s a bit of a death sentence for anyone his darling decides to smile at, to give a random compliment, to do anything.

He wants no one taking his darling’s time, no one getting the opportunity to bask in the warmth and loveliness that is his sweet, precious darling. All of that is reserved solely for him, and he’ll be damned if he has to share.

So while this his darling’s friendliness is initially part of what attracts him, it also helps drive forward many of Phinks’s more troubling tendencies – he’s so possessive if only because his darling talks to so many strangers, and at the end of the day, isn’t it really just their fault? For being so damn sweet?

Playful

Despite being one of the most dangerous criminals in the world, it’s incredibly easy to fluster Phinks. He’s not particularly smooth with women, and so a darling that is quick on their feet is a perfect match for him.

He likes the idea of his darling being able to keep up with him, always knowing what to say to get him at a loss for words, their quick tongue making him bashful and struggle for words. It’s embarrassing to look so foolish when he’s blubbering and unsure of how to respond when they wink at him and tell him he’s looking handsome today, but he'd be lying if he said he doesn’t fucking love it, his ego multiplying tenfold with every compliment that slips past his darling’s lips.

He likes the idea of his darling being chipper and happy, if only because Phinks himself is easily swayed by his emotions, and having a positive darling helps him stay calmer and more in control.

Besides, as his obsession grows, so do his fantasies – he’s got this daydream of his darling cooking with him, all domestic bliss while they move around the kitchen and he sits at the dining table watching, with they sending him looks and throw jokes over their shoulder. He wants them to boop his nose with a bit of sauce or flour, then kiss it clean, winking at them and watching his face go bright red as he clears his throat and tries to recover.

It’s lame, he thinks, to be so vulnerable, but he can’t deny the way his heart races when he thinks of it, how he gets all warm and gooey on the inside like some lovesick teenage boy.

A playful darling would be a good fit, and Phinks is smitten as soon as he sees this side of them.

Patient

Because Phinks has issues regulating his emotions, having a darling who is more steady and consistent is a good match for him. He needs someone who is able to calm him down, to stop him from exploding and raging at the slightest inconvenience, and as time passes Phinks slowly begins seeing his darling as his rock.

He turns to them for emotional support more often than he would like to admit, and as soon as he feels rage swimming in his veins he’s desperately running to them, because even just seeing them calms him down, the anger replaced by fondness, love, yearning.

He becomes dependent on them from a very early stage, their presence being the only thing to make him feel normal, sane, calm, and he quickly grows addicted to the feeling.

His darling is like his own personal drug, and really, how can Phinks be expected to not chase down this feeling, to not snatch his darling up all for himself? He’s a selfish man, and he has his needs – he’s just lucky that his darling, with all their patience and ability to calm him, fulfill more than just one of his needs.

Many more.

Competitive

This one isn’t absolutely necessary for Phinks, but a more competitive darling is a significant turn-on for him. He likes a darling who isn’t completely meek; he wants them to be a bit of a spitfire, and while he doesn’t want them to be too competitive, he likes that his darling doesn’t just simply roll over and submit to those around them.

It’s attractive to see the way they get this glint in their eye, a desire to win rolling through them, and frankly, when Phinks sees his darling acting this way, he has to shift his pants a bit, discreetly trying to hide the way they’re getting just a bit too tight.

He likes this about his darling, but when it comes to him, Phinks doesn’t particularly like this trait. When he’s trying to take care of them, to protect them, he wants his darling to give into everything he says, to obey him without question.

He’s just trying to help them, and if his darling grows stubborn and decides to be a brat, he struggles to remain calm and rational, to not lash out and tell them to shut the fuck up and get into the bed, you have to sleep.

He wants his darling to keep this fiery personality trait, but to regulate it so that they aren’t super competitive with him – maybe playfully, sure, but not to the point where it throws a wrench in the relationship.

After all, he wants your relationship to normal, perfect, healthy, and if his darling is constantly fighting him, how can it be any of these things? Can’t they at least try and make it work, just like Phinks is? Can’t they see how frantically he’s trying?

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Lucid

Despite not exactly being the most romantic man alive, Phinks has enough knowledge about relationships to know that the way he feels for you is far from normal.

He’s very aware that you probably wouldn’t appreciate how his every thought revolves around you, how he’s constantly wondering what you’re doing, who you’re with, how you’re feeling, if you’re thinking about him…

He knows the obsession he’s harboring over you is wrong, that he’s a creep and a perverted, sick freak for tracking your whereabouts, for killing any man that comes close to you, for loving you in such an uncontrolled, passionate way, and while he wants to stop himself, to halt the feelings his has for you and lose the intense fascination and desire he feels for you, Phinks just can’t – both in reality and in principle. His feelings for you are too great, too intense and overwhelming and wonderful for him to ever be able to dispel of. He'll quickly come to the conclusion that he’ll always be in love with you, regardless of what happens, and regardless of how long he lives.

There’s just no way to lose interest in the person he honestly believes is his soulmate, the person he’d give anything and everything for. He quickly  gives up trying, because it only hurts his heart, only makes him more and more desperate for you.

And of course, there’s also the more selfish side of him that loves having someone to love, someone to care for and want to protect at all costs. You’re one of the only people in his life that Phinks actually gives a damn about, that he wants to see safe and smiling and free from every single curse this world can dole out, and so the mere concept of losing you, of trying to forget you and move on causes his heart to physically hurt.

You’re so important to him, the main reason why he’s still living (aside from the Troupe, of course), and while it eats him alive from the guilt, Phinks slowly begins rationalizing his obsession and need for you as simply wanting to give you the amount of love and care that you deserve. He wants to be a good partner for you, for you to always be satisfied and want for nothing because of him, and one of the ways in which he shows this is to absolutely spoil you.

He’s never been the best at soft, gushy feelings, but the warmth that brews in his heart when he picks up the bouquet of red roses, of soft baby blue buttercups, of white tulips, he can’t help but smile softly and feel his cheeks heating up, because you deserve every fucking flower in the world, and even then they wouldn’t be enough to compare to your beauty.

When he picks out the necklace he’d like to steal for you (he won’t tell you it’s stolen of course, but you’ll quickly come to realize the exact nature of his profession), his heart hammers in his chest at the thought of you wearing it, of you loving it and proudly telling him and the world that Phinks owns you, that he treats you so well, and that he gives you everything you could ever want.

He spoils you beyond belief, hoping that the gifts will make up for his all of his violent, overbearing, wrong tendencies. He hopes it’ll work, and for the most part it helps ease his mind – so if you’re somehow who doesn’t like getting gifts or being so indebted, get used to it.

Phinks wants to give you the world, and with his skills in the ways of procuring valuables, he’s readily prepared to give it to you. Anything for you.

Possessive

In Phinks’s mind, you are completely and utterly his.

He still has enough lucidity about his feelings to recognize that you’re your own person, but only to a certain extent – yes, you have your own feelings and thoughts, but every part of you belongs to him. Your mind, such a pretty and entertaining thing to him, is owned by Phinks Magcub himself, forced to bend to whatever he wants and dictates, just as it should be.

Your body (something he spends hours dreaming about, shaky fingers hovering over your curves for minutes at a time once he’s got you in front of him) is his property, for him to do whatever he pleases with.

He figures that because he does so much for you (all of the protection he provides you, the security and guarantee that no one will ever touch you), the least you could do is be willingly his, to give into his possessiveness and let him just completely own you.

He has a real problem with jealousy where you’re concerned; in his eyes, every single male on the planet is a rival for your love and affection, a possible deterrent from you realizing how Phinks himself is the only one you could ever be truly happy with or need. His automatic assumption for every man within a ten foot radius of you is that they want you, that they want to talk to you and smile at you and use you and touch you and fuck you –

His blood boils the second someone approaches you, regardless of their intent – your male friend stops by to ask about the newest assignment from your boss? Immediately Phinks is scowling, fists clenching at his sides, aura flaring up impossibly because why is this piece of shit staring at you like you’re some slab of fine meat?

When the man in the grocery store accidentally bumps into you after turning around, immediately Phinks is shaking with rage, angry that this man thinks he can just touch you like you’re some commoner, like you aren’t the literal reason for his very existence.

 It’s unhealthy to be so controlling and obsessive over making sure that you stay his, and for the most part Phinks knows this – he knows that he really shouldn’t have a say in who you hang out with, who you think of and where your gaze falls as you sit on the subway car to work, but he just can’t help it.

You’re all he thinks about, all he cares about, the only thing besides killing and the Troupe that gets him up in the morning; it’s the promise of making sure that you’re safe, of making sure that nothing ever gets between the two of you that gives him the drive to function.

Of course, while the swirling mix of rage and utter desperation for you is never ending in his gut, he’s more than aware that in order to really have you, in order to get you to actually love him back and not be terrified of his every move, he can’t be nearly as obvious as he wants to be about his infatuation with you.

He wants nothing more than to sock every man in the face who so much as glances at you, to leave them bloodied, bruised and thrust to death in the most painful ways, all with you watching and seeing just how far Phinks is willing to go to prove his love to you. But he knows that if you saw that you’d only cower away from him, terrified of what he could do to you if he was able to destroy so many men larger, stronger and more knowledgeable about combat than you.

And really, fear is the last thing Phinks wants you to harbor for him – he craves a normal relationship with you, to have all of the overplayed, cliché romance Hallmark movie moments with you. So while the urge to just grab you and keep you away from everything and everyone, to keep you completely and utterly his is nearly too overwhelming to ignore, Phinks holds out.

For you.

Because he knows it’ll only push you away, and Phinks isn’t kidding when he says he would literally die without you – you’re a drug to him, and he’s a greedy man.  He isn’t willing to share his supply of happiness with anyone else, no matter how you beg and plead with him. He’s stubborn, so it’s really in your best interest to just submit to your fate and let him hold you in his lap, hands awkwardly set at your sides and palpably clammy.

Just let him do what he wants, because in the end he’ll always get what he wants.

Protective

While he’s by no means a gentle man, there’s something about you that makes him pale at the idea of being rough. Maybe it’s because you’re just so weak compared to him, so soft and sweet and nice, but he can’t stomach the idea of letting other people hurt you.

He’s more than aware that the world is full of horrible, blood thirsty criminals who kill at the snap of a finger (hell, he’s one of them, he would know), and in the context of your safety, Phinks can’t help but imagine all the worst case scenarios. He can’t help but imagine any number of them getting their hands on you, of any of them deciding that you’d be a quick, fun kill. He can vividly see in his mind you being snatched off the street, gagged and bound at the wrists while some psychopath makes you cry and scream, your pretty blood staining your skin and the life draining from your eyes.

The idea of you being hurt, tortured, raped, killed or any number of other horrible things is genuinely something that gives him nightmares. There’s this cold, sinking feeling in his gut that forces him up and out of bed, racing towards your home when he awakes from these dreams, his lungs burning as he runs faster than he ever has.

He’s picking at your lock with trembling fingers, slipping inside and hurriedly rushing to your room, eyes darting around wildly to make sure that you’re still breathing, that your body is all in on piece, that you aren’t bleeding and sobbing and broken.

He’s only able to take a deep, steadying breath when he sees you safe and sound asleep, your chest rising and falling steadily while your eyes dart around under their eyelids.

It’s a calming sight, one that immediately makes his heart stutter, his cheeks heating up because god, how can you be so beautiful without even trying? He has to grab onto the corner of your drawers to steady himself and keep from sinking to his knees in relief, and sometimes even a tear or two will trickle down his cheek if the nightmare was particularly graphic.

You dream of strange men that night, fingers gripping onto your hand with a force that makes you wince, your palm clammy and aching when you wake up in the morning.

He’s paranoid about your safety, absolutely convinced that without him around you’d be nothing more than a pile of bones rotting in some monster’s basement or left to die in some ditch in the country side. He’s not used to caring so intensely about someone, and he’s quite honestly blindsided by the enormity of his feelings, of how the compulsive need to be checking up on you every minute of the day hits him so hard at the most random moments.

He’s irritated in a way, at how you seem to draw so much emotion out of him without even trying, but Phinks could never, ever be mad at you about it – after all, while it’s overwhelming and scary just how much he cares for you, he wouldn’t trade the way you make him feel for the world. You’re so warm and soft, and you make Phinks so fucking happy.

Just being around you is enough to give him a massive serotonin boost, a smile that doesn’t leave his face all day no matter how hard he tries (the blush is present too, and Feitan is constantly teasing him, always telling him how he’s such a sappy little schoolgirl, did you write about her in your diary?, only to be punched halfway across the room and still snicker). He’s giddy, truly, even if you so much as glance in his direction or give him some half-hearted smile. In general Phinks can’t express enough how grateful he is to have someone like you in his life, such a beacon of happiness and joy for someone as misguided and undeserving as himself.

It’s only natural, then, to want to keep his source of love and devotion and obsession safe, to make sure that nothing will ever touch you or harm your perfect body, your pretty skin.

He isn’t exactly subtle about his protectiveness over you either – you’ll realize very quickly that he thinks of you as a glass doll, with the way he’s always hovering at your side, moving you closer to him anytime another man passes, eyes raking over your frame at constant fifteen minute intervals to check for bruises or cuts.

(And, though you don’t know it, the way that Phinks rummages through your things and makes sure that every blade in your home is dulled, that your stove can’t go any higher than a medium setting, that your locks are all the highest quality grade, it makes his obsession over making sure you don’t ever get hurt more than apparent).

It’s a curse he doesn’t mind undergoing, if only because he honestly views you as needing him, requiring his protection to live your life.

He’s not exactly sure how you managed to survive as long as you did without him, but now that he has you in his sights, so obviously needing him and being desperate for a big, strong man like him to make sure that you can have the easiest life you can, Phinks will make sure that he lives up to your each and every expectation of him.

After all, your opinion means everything, and just seeing your smile and hearing your laugh is enough to have Phinks proud, knowing that he’s fulfilling his role, that he’s keeping you safe and happy and his.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Jealousy is something that gets the better of Phinks much more often than he’d like to admit. He’s so possessive, so hellbent on making sure that you stay his and that no one else even so much as looks at you, that it leads to him interpreting interest from other guys way more often than what’s really true.

You’re absolutely perfect to Phinks, a literal human embodiment of everything he could want in a partner, both good and bad. And because of this, he’s so convinced that everyone else would be just as in love with you, just as desperate to make you theirs and keep you with them as he is, so isn’t it his job to make sure that that can’t happen?

Everyone is a threat to the relationship he’s so desperate to have and build with you, and Phinks will stop at absolutely nothing to make sure that nothing could ever possibly separate the two of you. His desperation is honestly a bit pathetic, to the point where many of the members of the troupe honestly take pity on him, thinking it’s sad to see their fellow comrade so helplessly obsessed with a sweet, innocent woman.

Jealousy consumes him, to the point where all he’s seeing is red, panic lacing at his chest because what if you decide that man who’s chatting with you and making you laugh is better than Phinks?

What if you decide that you’d rather be with the waiter at that restaurant you love – the one who always jokes around with you because you’re such a regular customer?

Phinks isn’t the most insecure man around, but when it comes to you and the question of your relationship, suddenly he feels like a teenage boy again; awkward in his own skin, terrified that the girl of his dreams thinks that he’s too violent, too ugly, too boring and mean.

And while he knows rationally that you don’t think these things, how can he help it when he’s watching from a few dozen yard away as you laugh and thank the man in the supermarket who helped you get the can of food at the very top shelf?

How can he help it when he sees you being so nice to others, being so kind and generous and friendly, only to have them turn around and exploit you for every ounce of kindness in your bones?

It makes him angry, beyond enraged to think of how others could be hurting you, how they could be trying to steal you away, wanting to beat you or kill you or rape you or any number of things – and so, Phinks must make sure that you stay safe, that there’s absolutely no chance on you ever being alone with another man. He has to keep your wellbeing in tact, and, of course, keep you completely his and his alone.

Because he feels so strongly when he sees that man approach you on the street corner and ask you in you know where the nearest bank is, Phinks has trouble holding himself back.

You’re kind to the man, blinking up at him and scrunching your brows in thought, trying to answer his question as he patiently stands beside you, a small smile on his face. Phinks is pissed – how dare this piece of shit, this worthless nobody approach you like that? How dare they start a conversation with you, stare at you, get to bask in your presence when only Phinks himself should be getting that pleasure?

His fists are clenched at his side, jaw set so tightly he almost fears his teeth might crack. His eyes are narrowed in on the both of you, his mind desperately telling him to stop, don’t do it, don’t do it Phinks she’ll just get scared and then you’ll make backwards progress – and it works, to a certain degree, up until the final straw as the man chats with you.

His hand, placed on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as he smiles down at you, leaning forward ever so slightly for what Phinks is absolutely positive is a glance down your shirt. Suddenly he isn’t just seeing red anymore – he’s seeing scarlet, the bloodlust oozing out of him enough to propel him forward, his face the epitome of rage as he cocks his fist, landing a hard punch against the man’s jaw, hearing a sickening crunch accompanied by the man’s screams.

He’s on the ground in a second, Phinks straddled above him, fists flying as he beats him to a pulp, the rage never ending as he thinks of all the terrible, horrible things that he’d likely been imagining with you, that he’d been aiming to try with you, all while Phinks was right fucking there (or, a good fifty away, but still). He’s growling out curses and spitting on the man, telling him that he’s just a stupid piece of shit, you’re fucking disgusting, you perverted bastard, trying to cop a feel and sneak a peek.

You’re left to watch, shocked beyond belief and too frozen to move as you watch Phinks slowly pull more blood from the man, his body already bruising and twitching as desperate sobs out what you can only assume are pleas to stop escape the victim’s throat. And yet, you can hear perfectly what Phinks is saying, some more distinctly than others – don’t fucking touch her, she’s mine do you understand? I own her, she’s mine, mine mine mine and no one gets to touch her, to look at her, to think about her, certainly not digusting wastes of space like you!

Your jaw is dropped, still too scared to move as you register his words, wondering who this ‘she’ was, if he possibly meant you…?

Phinks doesn’t stop until the man is disfigured beyond recognition, his face smashed in on itself from the beating of his fists, blood staining the pavement under his head, though the frantic rise and fall of his chest and the small pathetic, pained whimpers tell him that he’s still alive.

But at the sudden sound of you sharply gasping and stumbling backwards, trying to put space between yourself and the monster in front of you, suddenly Phinks’s eyes are widening, his head whipping around as he shoots to his feet, running over to you and caging his arms around you.

He pulls you flush against his chest, his heart beating wildly as he whispers frantic apologies in your ear, voice desperate as he tells you he’s so sorry, I don’t know what got into me – he was just touching you and his eyes were basically fucking you and I just – I can’t watch anyone do that to you. Please, you have to understand, tell me you understand!

And while you’re terrified, feeling some of the man’s blood rubbing off of Phinks and onto you, at the end of the day you’re more terrified of one day being in the man’s position, so you shakily nod, whispering that it’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it.

And as Phinks’s body relaxes, relief coursing through him, you can only stare into his chest, fear and hopelessness settling into your heart, because is this who he really is?

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Phinks really does want you to want him.

He’s so in love with you, so desperate for you to return his feelings that it physically hurts, and as a result he’s trying everything he possibly can to approach you normally, to not give away how obsessed he is over you, how badly he wants to just hold you in his arms and never let you go, never let another living soul see you besides him.

He knows his feelings for you are unhealthy, that it’s wrong that he thinks of you as a possession, that he wants to own you, but he just can’t help it. And yet, because of his commitment to wanting to keep your relationship as normal as possible, as happy as possible, Phinks knows that doing something rash like stealing you away really isn’t the best idea.

It’s tempting – tempting as hell, if he’s being honest, because just the idea of you and him living together in a little house bought specifically for the both of you, you waiting patiently for him every evening with a hot dinner on the stove and a big welcome home kiss is enough to have him gulping, a blush dusting his cheeks at the sheer domesticity of it all.

He loves the idea of keeping you dependent on him, of keeping you only by his side where he can keep you safe and make sure that you understand how much he loves you, but he can’t bring himself to actually do it.

He can’t bring himself to gently knock you out, to cover your pretty lips and nose with a chloroform soaked rag, to throw you over his shoulder and give your bum a firm pat, a grin spreading across his features as he thinks of the wonderful, perfect life the two of you are starting.

He can’t bring himself to do it, at least without some push from an outside factor. Phinks will likely try to pursue a friendship with you – he wants to be around you at all times, to have your trust in him build, to make you comfortable and hopefully give you the chance to fall in love with him as well, and because of this he’s able to sate his overwhelming desire for you.

However, try as he may, Phinks just can’t get rid of his possessiveness; even dialing it down to seem more normal and healthy leaves him with enough emphasis on making sure that you don’t talk to anyone else, that you spend all your time with him to raise a brow. And you’ll quickly notice this – he’s a friend, one that you’ve grown to enjoy spending your time with, but his random bouts of jealousy, of insecurity and clinginess are just too much.

The way he butts into your life, changing your schedule to revolve around his is just too overbearing, the signs of a toxic friendship that you know you shouldn’t turn a blind eye to.

And so, you do what makes the most sense – sit him down and tell him that you don’t think you can be friends anymore, that he’s too controlling, too possessive, that you think it would be best if we took some time away from each other, just to clear our heads.

And Phinks is panicking across from you – take a break? Split up? He knows you’re not together yet, but he can’t shake the distinct feeling of rejection, the anger and fear and distress that the idea of you being separated from him causes.

And so, on a bit of a hasty split second decision, Phinks is pressing the pressure point on your neck, catching your limp body in his arms as he takes ragged breaths, mind swimming in anger, excitement and nerves as he hauls you towards your new home, your new life with him.

As a captor, Phinks isn’t too terrible – he’s never been much of a homemaker, not really someone who’s used to taking care of anyone but himself, and while he tries (he tries so, so fucking hard) for you, he’s not especially great at it.

Of course, your health is still the priority in his eyes, something that he cares for more than his own life, and because of this he gets only the best foods, making sure to cater to your tastes and keep your diet a plentiful mix of protein, starch and vegetables, so that your body can stay healthy and strong.

He’s making sure that there’s nothing in the house you could hurt yourself with, keeping every knife and razor away from you, putting a childlock on the stove, not letting you near the freezer. He doesn’t mean to be patronizing, but as he becomes paranoid about your safety and wellbeing, slowly he begins thinking of you as less and less capable, needing more of his help and guidance to do basic things.

He likes to bathe you (though he’ll never force you into it, only ever harboring it as a fantasy until you make it reality), to help dress you (when your body is sore from a night of intense, passionate fucking, he’s more than willing to help slip on one of his oversized shirts, loving the way it pools around your frame), to even help feed you when he’s in an especially loving mood.

But for the most part, Phinks isn’t too touchy with you. He still genuinely wants you to love him, to want to be with him and maybe even enjoy your time under his roof, and in all honesty he’s nursing the dream that one day you’ll turn to him unprompted, completely honest as you cuddle up against him and tell him in the sweetest voice he’s ever heard that you love him, that you’re so happy he’s with you, that you’d never, ever want to leave him.

And because he wants so badly for you to genuinely develop feelings for him, Phinks tries everything that he can to woo you – he’s not great with romance, has little to no experience, but he’s willing to do anything and everything if there’s even the slightest chance that it’ll make you smile at him, that you’ll look at him in anything other than fear, betrayal and apathy.

He begins watching rom-coms religiously, noting the various courting methods, how the male lead always seems to get the love interest laughing, smiling and telling them how funny they are. So, he tries to make jokes around you, hoping to get you to laugh and compliment him, and while you don’t particularly want to, sometimes they’re just so terrible and the look of hope in his eyes is just so heart wrenching that you can’t help but snort, chuckling lightly.

And to Phinks, just that step alone is enough to send him on a wild goose chase, doing everything he can to try and come up with other ways to make you see him in a more positive light. He’s scouring every resource he can – romance novels, online articles about attraction, relationship podcasts, everything and anything.

He even goes to the girls of the Troupe, asking with an embarrassed expression and rubbing the back of his neck if they have any advice on how to win a girl’s heart, something that they all react quite differently to.

Machi isn’t impressed – simply staring at him for a few moments and cocking her brow, before asking him why he thought that she would be a good person to ask – do I look like I’ve ever had a guy pining after me?

Pakunoda is more sympathetic, telling him to try the staples – buy her flowers from time to time, get her little gifts that you know she’ll like. Eventually it might add up over time to where she feels loved and cared for, and then she’ll be more willing to return your feelings.

But, surprisingly, Shizuku is actually the one that gives Phinks the best advice – hmm, well I think just being there for her is important. Ask about things she loves and get her in a happy mood, and just listen to her. Nod along and add a question or comment in every once in a while so she knows you’re listening, but just let her know that you’re genuinely invested in her.

Phinks takes the advice in stride, silently stewing on it before showing up at your shared ‘home’ the next day with a bouquet of lilies in your favorite color, a grocery bag full of your favorite snacks, and a nervous, carefully hopeful smile when he walks through the door.

And really, you know you shouldn’t think of him as anything but your captor, the man who stole you away and wants to keep you as his possession for the rest of your life, but there’s just something about the way he bites his lip as you go through the bag of candy, chips, junk food and snacks one by one.

There’s just something about the way he nearly trips over his own feet as you pat the seat on the sofa next to you expectantly.

There’s just something about the desperation with which he wants to please you, to make you happy and make you love him that will eventually get to you, no matter how hard you try to fight it. Because while it’s wrong and you know it, you’ve never felt this loved before, this desired and wanted, and it’s a strange sort of confidence and boost to your self-esteem, one that manages to warp your whole mental state into thinking that maybe you really do love Phinks, even if he’s a bit rough around the edges.

He spoils you, trying his best to give you every last piece of himself and his affection as he can, and eventually you’ll come to openly receive it, to fulfill his fantasy of you finally accepting him. Besides, there’s just something about the way he blushes and bounces his knee when you compliment him makes your heart melt, and when you tell him you love him, the way he looks so shocked, but so happy and soft and god, is he crying?

Phinks is desperate for you to return his feelings, for you to love him as he loves you, and he’ll stop at nothing to get you there.

PUNISHMENTS:

Phinks has a bit of a temper.

It’s something he’s always been aware of, and for the most part he couldn’t care less – he’s a thief, someone who gets what they want, and if he gets angry in the process, that just means a few more necks to break. He’s used to acting out on his anger, to mercilessly beating and killing those who make him mad, and in a lot of ways it’s simply autopilot to him.

But where you’re concerned, Phinks is absolutely the opposite. He’s terrified of hurting you, of somehow leaving marks of violence on your pretty, soft skin, and for the most part he manages to succeed in not lashing out against you, in not blemishing you in any way. He loves you, and the last thing he wants to do is abuse you, to punch you and kick you and take out every bit of his anger on you, so instead he tries to focus the rage elsewhere.

The desire to just punch something is too great to ignore, and if it can’t be your face or body, the next closest thing is the wall beside him. It scares you and never fails to leave you gasping and shuddering in fear as he punches a hole through the drywall, the grimace of anger and pain turning his features into some monster-esque look, and as you slowly back away, hands covering your mouth and trying to put distance between the both of you, Phinks can only sigh.

He hates scaring you, but his anger gets triggered so easily that it’s something he can’t even hope to control, that he can’t even try to conceal. He gets quite good at fixing drywall, and for a long while it works out. He gets angry at you, punches a hole in the wall, spends a few minutes breathing deeply and muttering under his breath, before turning to you and telling you to not go near the kitchen knives again, do you hear me?

And for the most part, you’re scared into submission. You very vividly remember him beating the living shit out of any guy who so much as looked at you before he stole you away, and because of this you’re more than aware of just how strong he is, at just how talented he is at throwing punches and drawing blood.

Life with Phinks is really just a balancing act in a lot of ways – he wants to please you and make you happy, so as long as you smile and hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear and try to not to make him angry at you in any way, you’ll be just fine.

That being said, there are moments when Phinks loses control, when he lets his anger cloud his mind and overwhelm him, his natural habits of lashing out coming to the surface.

Punching the wall is fine and it’s something that he does mostly when it’s small things you do that trigger his anger, like turning the stove on, hopping into the shower without telling him, flinch away slightly when he goes to peck your forehead. But when it’s larger offenses, things that you do that genuinely make him rage, Phinks has a tendency to get a bit more violent, a bit more mindless in his actions.

When he tentatively reaches a hand out to run his callused fingers over your hair, his breath hitches when you softly smile, telling him in a faraway, dreamy voice that you had a friend who used to play with my hair, it was always my favorite. They were really good at it, too.

His whole body is freezing before suddenly shaking, his breathing ragged as he realizes that you’ve just brought another person up, that you’re thinking of someone else while he tries to be loving and intimate with you, and before he knows it he’s on his feet, pushing you against the wall and slamming your back into the hard expanse.

You gasp sharply, staring up at him with wide, fearful eyes while he glares down at you, his teeth grinding together as the swirling pool of jealousy builds greater and greater in his chest, his gut twisting painfully when he realizes that he’s not he only one on your mind, like you are for him.

Don’t you ever talk about anyone else when you’re with me, do you understand? He growls out, hanging his head low so that you can’t see his eyes. You’re terrified, every inch of you trembling in fear as his grip grows tighter on your shoulders.

Answer me!

His voice is loud, curt and terrifying, and as you squeak out a timid y-yes! I understand Phinks, I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to make you jealous, she was just a friend – but before you can finish your rambling, frantic apology, a sudden sharp noise and an overwhelming stinging sensation against your cheek has you whimpering, pain flaring up and making your eyes well with tears.

Phinks is breathing hard, his eyes wild as he stares down at you, his hand still raised as if to slap you again, but when you quietly start crying, the pain mixed with the fear and hopelessness of the situation, suddenly Phinks is snapping out of his rage fueled daze, his heart stopping in his chest as he sees you cowering in front of him, cradling your cheek with tears streaming down your face, your body trembling while you beg him to not hurt you again.

And the guilt the hits Phinks square in the chest has him gasping, stumbling away from you and clutching onto his head, self hatred and regret making him shed a few tears of his own, realization that he just hurt you spinning through his mind.

And before you even get to a chance to say or do anything, suddenly he’s racing out the front door, the locks snapping into place as you slowly sink to your knees, sobbing and letting the emotions wash over you.

Meanwhile, Phinks is wandering aimlessly through the city, not hesitating to mercilessly snap the neck of anyone who dares approach him or try to talk to him, all the while he desperately tries to come up with a solution to make it up to you, to apologize for being such a monster. And, when he returns home a few hours later to find you curled up on your bed, a plush blanket thrown over your figure, he can only gulp and lightly knock against the door, watching as you stiffen up and say nothing.

He sighs, hanging his head and stepping inside the room, placing the bags in his hands onto the bed.

I’m sorry, he starts, discomfort and shame coursing through him. I shouldn’t have hit you, I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you, I shouldn’t have – look, I’m really sorry and I really, really regret it. You don’t have to forgive me, but I got some uh, some stuff while I was out… and as he gently motions the bags towards you, you slowly sight up, eyeing him wearily with puffy eyes as you paw at the bags.

You’re careful to open them, but when you see the packages of food, the jewelry case with a soft silver necklace sitting in it, you can’t help but feel a bit better, as materialistic as it is. And when you move to the next bag, you nearly cry – pictures and frames from your old home, little stuffed animals and knick knacks you’d cherished that were ripped away from you. your favorite books, a blanket, and countless other treasures that have you softly smiling, wiping at your eyes while Phinks watches with bated breath.

And when you finally look up at him, something in your chest feels warm, and immediately you know that you’re too far gone. Because when you look at Phinks, the man who stole you away, who keeps you locked up in his home, dependent on him and loses his anger when you talk about another soul, you only see an awkward, love struck man, who loves you more than life itself.

You know it’s Stockholm Syndrome at work, but as you softly whisper I forgive you, Phinks, you can’t find it in yourself to care. Not when the relief on his face is practically palpable, when he fiddles nervously with his fingers as you slowly get up and move to hug him. He gasps quietly, chocked by your affection, but quickly he’s clutching you against him, leaning down and breathing deeply next to your hair, letting your scent calm him as he basks in the feeling of holding you.

It’s wrong, but as time passes, you’ll slowly come to love Phinks – in a twisted, warped way, but isn’t all love just so wonderful?

OVERALL DANGER:

7/10

Phinks, despite being a violent, misguided man, is actually a rather tragic yandere – he’s so desperate for you to love him back, for you to hold even an ounce of the adoration and affection he feels for you, and he’s not at all subtle about it, no matter how he tries.

He wants to love you like a normal man, to give you a happy, loving life by his side, but he just can’t – his obsession is too strong, his possessiveness too overwhelming. He wants to keep you safe and happy, to keep you healthy and next to him, and he really does have good intentions for the most part – he’s awkward in love, nervous and anxious and wanting to constantly be around you.

He’s possessive to a fault, wanting to keep you utterly his and his alone, and in all honesty that’s what fuels the vast majority of his yandere tendencies – when he’s mercilessly attacking other men who might be construed as rivals for your love and affection, it’s the thought of keeping you by his side that’s guiding him.

When he’s gently knocking you out and slipping you into the new, queen sized mattress he’d stolen just for the two of you, it was all on the basis of making sure that you never stray from his side, that he can keep you close and safe and his for the rest of your lives.

He just wants you to love him back, and you honestly might – the desperation he feels for you is strong enough that you can almost physically feel it, the utter need and desire to just be loved by you pulling at your heartstrings and making you eventually decide that he isn’t too bad, that he could be much worse.

And really, Phinks will take anything he can get – he loves you, so much so that it physically hurts, and the second that you show him that the feeling is returned, he’s holding you in his arms, pressing you against him so tightly that you’ll never escape.

[feminismisstillahatemovement]

I saw that you momentarily reblogged pornography earlier today with a vile, vindictive comment about how “Dolly Parton really is looking amazing for her age.”

You’re just a disgusting porn-addicted man with a fetish for belittling women. You feel sexual pleasure from demeaning and subduing women, as indicated by your obsession with disparaging women’s movements.

You do not hate feminism; your entire persona depends on it. You love it. You have the mindset of a slave that can only exist within a sphere of oppression; your existence depends on some “Other.” Your existence depends on women acknowledging you in a negative light because your only pleasure is derived from causing her misery. How pathetic. You are incredibly unmasculine.

Well, first off, what you are describing as 'pornography' was a funny set of gifs I saw when I clicked on an account of someone who'd liked a post of mine, of a fully-clothed large-bosomed young woman in a tight-fitting sparkly dress who bore a strong resemblance to Dolly Parton jiggling her boobage, so I reblogged with the joke that Dolly looked great for her 78 years, bless her, etc. After doing so, I thought maybe it wasn't that good a joke and was also mindful of what most people follow this blog for, and hence that it maybe wasn't the right time, place or crowd, so I deleted it.

As for the rest of this bizarre nonsense, all of this is entirely the projection onto someone else of whatever is going on in your own mixed-up mind and beliefs:

"You feel sexual pleasure from demeaning and subduing women, as indicated by your obsession with disparaging women’s movements."

There's nothing about the beginning of that sentence that sensibly connects to the end of it: an individual's personal sexual life and preferences cannot be reliably predicted from their embracing or rejecting of a set of political, religious or philosophical beliefs. There seem to be a great many feminists who are privately titillated by bondage and force and subjugation, but we only know that from them telling us so themselves: it would be an extremely bad idea to assume every woman who loudly proclaims her support for women's rights has a rape fetish.

Clicking on your blog, it's impossible not to notice that you are rabidly obsessed with pornography and male desire and power dynamics and suchlike, but I genuinely don't feel confident predicting anything about what you do to yourself or someone else when you are in bed of an evening. So that's where we differ.

"You do not hate feminism; your entire persona depends on it. You love it."

Then I'm not doing a very good job of showing it.

"You have the mindset of a slave that can only exist within a sphere of oppression; your existence depends on some “Other.”"

All I do here is speak out against the divisive and destructive mindset of modern, neo-Marxist woke identity politics, which divide us up into perpetually warring classes, and about how continually framing ourselves as oppressed underclasses being daily victimized by our neighbours will only end up destroying the fabric of western civilization and maybe the entire human race. That would seem to run contrary to what you here claim.

"Your existence depends on women acknowledging you in a negative light because your only pleasure is derived from causing her misery."

Me politely debunking your silly secondhand positions on the images used by advertising departments on the covers of romance novels is not me intentionally causing you misery; I'm genuinely just trying to help by steering you back to reason and reality. Once again, you are projecting onto someone else motives, desires and intentions that you're not in any position to know, and that don't logically follow from what you do know.

"How pathetic."

Hey, at least I never send crazy hatemail to strangers on the internet, right? That'd be really sad. Wouldn't it.

"You are incredibly unmasculine."

I am incredibly unbothered by that.

[cupcraft]

I've been having some thoughts lately and decided to put it in a long post during my lunch break.

Cc's are not and never will be your friend. It's normal to engage and feel parasocial to a degree with cc's but it's important ccs and yourself create the boundary of "we don't know each other and thus are not friends/etc." This is important of the cc, because a responsible cc is aware of their impact, aware of the power dynamic, and sets healthy boundaries for themself. It's important for you in order to stay safe and engage with a fandom and cc with respect and to maintain a healthy mindset.

It is also normal for fandoms to defend their cc TO A DEGREE, especially when comments against the cc affect other people (this is a simple way to say it, theres a lot of nuance to this pt). But, you should never feel the need or actually try to parent or speak for a cc. For example, people being queerphobic to Ranboo is fair to speak up against particularly because the queerphobia affects other members of the fandom. However, feeling like you must speak on behalf of ranboo, be their parent, or protect them at all costs from "evil ccs and fans" is not only against their express wishes but just isn't a healthy or normal way to engage with a cc.

Because if you don't engage healthily besides breaking any cc boundaries, and hurting yourself and mental health, you really can hurt other people. If you're engaging in fandom and cc fandoms especially to a point in which you create yourself an echo chamber of toxicity that seeks to harm anyone in your path that is unhealthy behavior and you need srs help and I mean that genuinely like you need to talk to a trained professional or support group.

Like it's not normal to hate all ccs and people who are not explicitly positive about your cc at all times now and forever. It's not normal to make excuses for widely acceptable bad actions to the point you harm those affected by said bad actions. It's not normal to view holding a cc accountable as "just being an anti/hater/jealous" as you should always leave room to be critical of the content you consume especially if it's from a real person with real actions. It's not normal to dislike those that dislike ur cc so much (cc or fans) to the point you dedicate your social media presence to sending death threats, doxxing, harassment, gory images, etc as well as spending the majority of your blog screenshotting and vagueing and cyberbullying people. It's not normal to feel as though your cc is an infallible perfect idol figure that is in desperate need of an army protecting them at all times where you hang on their every word to dictate all actions, opinions, and morals to the point you will change your entire personality and ethics system just to maintain any ounce of being uncritical of someone. In simpler words, you might want to be aware the line of parasocialism and crossing over into being like a member of a cult (not to say it actually is a cult, this is an analogy)

And you might say to this post "this is a vague" but I'd rather argue that if you feel like this post applies to you regardless if you're mcyt or another cc/celebrity/real person based fandom you might want to realize that you need to do srs self reflection and understand how you got here, who you've hurt to stay there, and what things you've sacrificed for someone you don't even know. This isn't just an mcyt specific fandom problem.

Because why I'm making this post is I feel like something needs to be questioned when we throw away our kindness, empathy, ethics, and compassion towards people just because they are any ounce a tiny bit little bit critical of something a cc did. And it would be easy to say the people willing to suibait/send threats/harassment/slurs/etc toward someone over a cc and be happy about it and own it are people who "just don't care and won't change". But I'd like to think they got there somehow you know that they weren't always the kind of person to justify that. And that doesn't mean they deserve anyone's forgiveness, but it does mean I have concern for that person I hope they genuinely get help and feel the full weight of what they've done all for 1 person that doesn't know them.

As always with everything, please add on via rb if want, correct me on anything, and send asks if you wish. Stay kind out there though ❤️

[br1ghtestlight]

Hi friend :) rewatching Father Of the bob and it made me wonder about the kids' and Big Bob's relationship. Do you got any headcanons and the like about that? (Sorry if you've already talked about it)

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT BIG BOB AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE KIDS i have peppered them throughout my posts and fanfics but i will expand on them a bit here >:)

i don't think bob ever went fully no contact with big bob but there was definitely a decade or two where they didn't live together and almost Never spoke except for big bob occasionally calling him to say happy birthday or whatever. when tina was born I think bob realized that he did want his dad to be in his kids lives in some way (yes they had linda's parents as their other set of grandparents but even back then i think bob KNEW they were shitty people and would be bad gransparents) he wanted them to have a good grandpa so he kinda introduced him into the kids lives

big bob was definitely nervous about being around these small and easily influenced humans even if he didn't outwardly express that. tina was the sweetest little baby so getting along w/ her was easy but gene and louise were definitely more stressful. and bcuz big bob was still busy with work he barely ever saw them anyway. but he did TRY to be a good grandpa by sending them birthday & christmas presents and giving them money every time they visited. trying to be a grandpa in the only way he knew how :(

could explore in another post how al and gloria are the WORST grandparents and how it's strongly implied that tina gene and louise don't actually like them (if you compare how they interact with linda's parents vs big bob its clear that they are tolerating al and gloria at most while they genuinely look forward to spending time with big bob and WANT to see him. can't even say it's because of bob influencing them to dislike linda's parents bcuz he openly hates his dad too lmao) but in comparison to them big bob really does correct so many of the mistakes he made w/ bob when it comes to his grandkids (to quote alice talking about gertie "she's a better grandmother than a mother you gotta trust me")

he's physically affectionate with them and he spoils them!!! he actually pays attention to their individual interests (watching gene's music performance and looking at louise's display of burobu cards, and seemingly getting her gifts specifically related to her interest in them for her birthday and christmas) and talks to them. compare that with al and gloria who literally got the kids a regifted book about staying active in retirement for christmas one year (with a whole chapter about sex with Actual pictures and examples which is fucked up) they're literally the worst ugh

and big bob's efforts with the kids seem to pay off bcuz they look forward to spending time with him :) they're always excited and I genuinely think it isn't only because he gives them money when they see him. they just like spending time with him!! "He's a good grandpa" and he bakes them cookies and worries about them and their futures <3 THEY'RE THE REASON HE BELIEVES THAT THE WORLD WILL BE OKAY. HE THINKS THEY'LL BE ABLE TO FIX THINGS?????

anyway some specific headcanons about his dynamics with each of the kids:

he definitely gets along the most easily with tina. they're similar people in the way that bob and tina are similar (except that tina is more positive than either of them lol) and they enjoy doing more lowkey activities together compared to louise or gene. they might enjoy baking cookies or doing puzzles together :) definitely a good thing that she was his first grandchild bcuz she was always kind and quiet and easy to get along with and it made him more confident in his abilities. Whenever he sees a horse themed item at a thrift store or whatever he buys it and gives it to tina the next time she visits!! that's how she got quite a few of her porcelain horses when she was younger (even if maybe decorative porcelain horses were not the best idea ever for a seven year old tina took very good care of them u_u gene and louise not so much. rip)

gene is probably the grandchild that he finds it the hardest to relate to just because they're such DIFFERENT people. gene is so effeminate and unashamed of himself and his emotions which is pretty much the opposite of how big bob was taught to be as a kid and how he raised bob. he never had daughters so its easier for him to relate to tina and louise bcuz they're almost like a blank slate?? he sees so much of what he did wrong with parenting bob when it comes to gene :( But they eventually find some common ground with gene's love of music and performing. big bob will tell gene about his favorite songs and records from when he was younger & he'll listen to all of gene's performances when he visits

louise is the most.... complicated for big bob? she reminds him SO MUCH of lily in everything from her personality to her pink hat. it definitely took him a few years to get over that and begin to see louise as her own person and stop projecting that trauma onto her (not intentionally but its just hard when you lose someone and then suddenly they're There again and they're your grandaughter) luckily louise is easy to love and her bold personality makes herself VERY known. he could not ignore her. he loves how spunky she is and how unashamed she is of herself (all his grandkids really) and he definitely thinks she's gonna grow up to do something great in the world. they don't have that much to bond over tbh he just let's louise take the lead and he does whatever she wants him to do. he just likes spending time with his granddaughter <3

definitely think that the kids have started seeing big bob more since his relationship with bob has been repaired a bit so i can imagine that connection will only grow stronger!!!!

[brechtian]

how Does one make a future professionally in theatre, especially after graduation? asking genuinely, looking for advice!

Hello! I’m back home, I don’t have plans today except for filming an audition tape, and I’m ready to answer this question. Let’s get started!

Resumes:

If you went to school for theatre, hopefully your professors taught you to have separate professional, technical, and acting resumes & how to format them correctly, as they’re all weird and different. If they hung you out to dry, dm me, I can send some examples :)

Applications:

Just go for it! Apply for things! You’re particularly going to want to look for the following:

Theatres in your area you could plausibly commute to.

Theatres that offer artist housing (most common in summerstock, but plenty other theatres do it as well)

Theatres in cities where you have connections/potentially a place to crash for a couple months

ALSO. If you’re an actor, do not just audition; apply for technical and administrative positions as well. In this industry, artistic directors often want to cast people they trust, so if you start out as a production (or, in my case, box office + education) intern but want to act in the future, they’re a lot more likely to cast you when the next pool of auditions come around. Also working in other parts of theatre is fun & makes you more well-rounded/hirable!

On that topic, if you’re in or fresh out of college, you’re going to want to keep an eye out for internships and apprenticeships; you’re most likely to get hired for them, and, again, a foot in the door is a foot in the door.

Once hired:

If you get a contract to work at a theatre, have fun, but also use that opportunity to make connections!

This doesn’t just mean with the theatre you’re working at; connect with your interns, actors, directors, creative staff, admin. Theatre is a small world, and a lot of the people who are working in it professionally will have contacts and recommendations for you. Listen to them, and make friends!

Just in case this one isn’t obvious. Reputation is extremely important in this industry. Work hard, be pleasant to be around, and if you’re going to do stupid shit (I did plenty), don’t post it to your public story or loudly tell others about it. Trust me.

Other Notes:

When you work in professional theatre for the first time, you will probably feel really inadequate and embarrassed and like everyone is more prepared than you (at least, I did). Do not let the demons win.

Find your niche. Apply for everything, sure, but everything is a lot! I was interested in Shakespeare, so I went through every registered Shakespeare theatre in America to look at job opportunities + whether they offered artist housing, and it definitely made my cover letter more convincing because I DID actually care about the theatre being made there.

Okay this one may be controversial but. Don’t pay $400 for a headshot that shit is goofy to me. Find a friend with a good camera, wear a solid color and take some nice photos in front of a neutral background. Sorry maybe I’ll invest one day but like literally just does not seem worth it to me especially this early in my career.

Keep an eye out also for theatre-related jobs in other industries. I recently applied for a stagehand position at a music venue since it’s still in the theatre realm but it’s in my city + has decent pay while I work on moving! :)

Don’t make yourself miserable. If you’re working in theatre, you’re doing so because you love it, so it just doesn’t make sense to work in a place or position that you hate. With that said, if the only kind of theatre you want to be doing is acting in Chicago, maybe broaden your horizons lol!

That’s all that is coming to mind right now; if you have any questions or want more specific advice, just let me know :)

[sophieinwonderland]

What really gets my goat about some of this recent wave of anti-endo shit is when they're like "oh but what about when endos do bad things" because, surprise, having people being assholes to you isn't an experience that's unique to anti-endos. I have also – hm, let's take a more extreme example – been sent gore in my DMs. But I was sent gore for making a fucking positivity post. They are being sent gore for posting absolute dogshit hate, queerphobia, and more in inclusive tags as part of what is openly a harassment campaign. It's not that these people deserve it, don't get me wrong – but if their argument is "your side did bad things to me so I get to do bad things to you", then pro-endos would be justified in doing so much worse. We'd tell off anyone who sent gore to anti-endos, because that's just shitty, but at the same time, this whole argument is just another clear example of anti-endos looking for excuses to hurt others. Because when it happens to someone like me? Crickets. Not a word about how awful an act like that is. But when it happens to them? Ohhh, we can't have that, we better respond with fucking death threats in inclusive tags!

Like, it's awful. We can all agree it's awful. Nobody should be sent gore in their DMs. I don't think anyone here thinks this is a good thing. But I have been sent gore and I am not threatening to kill people or telling them to die. I have been sent gore and I am not going into anti-endo tags to tell them they are all shit people who are faking their disorders and trauma. This seems like a fucking skill issue. For every shit comment on my posts and every claim that I am faking and every asshole in my inbox, the most I have done is vent to people I trust and send one passive aggressive anon telling an anti-endo that if they really want to make a culture-is blog that doesn't use inclusive terms, they should probably not use a term coined and popularized by pro-endos in the name. (It was honestly half a genuine heads-up, and I only realized it sounded passive aggressive after sending it.) But these people think getting a fraction of the same shit they hurl our way every single fucking day means they're justified in fucking killing others??

Again. I get the rage these anti-endos are going through in response to these actions. I get it, because I personally experience it every time I have to see another hate anon in my inbox telling me to kill myself for being pro-endo, which is a depressingly common experience. Unfortunately! Being angry does not translate to being justified in your actions! This goes both for any pro-endos sending others gore, and for the anti-endos who think that being hated for hating others is somehow a crime against them. We can all agree no one should be sending anyone gore. Because that is shitty. But at the same time, it's a shitty thing their side started doing long before ours did. A shitty thing their side does in response to positivity posts, and a shitty thing ours does in response to open harassment campaigns in our tags. I am not one to say the intention outweighs the harm, but again, if that's their argument...

It feels a little like when a bigot gets punched and they respond with "See?! This is why I'm justified in treating you like shit!" when they only got hit because they were in the middle of violently beating that person up. Y'know?

All of this! Very well put! 👏

[raybyanothername]

You have outdone yourself in that last chapter; I felt like I was inside Aegon’s head; I didn’t know what was the reality and what was hallucination.

I kinda wanted to smack Jace on the head when he was telling him to rest, I know that he was probably exhausted but Mellos managed to make even sleep uncomfortable/triggering for him, and the memories of him being kidnapped oh my god my heart broke like poor Aegon I just want to wrap him in a blanket, give him hot chocolate and play with his hair until he can sleep, AND THEY STRAPPED HIM TO THE BED? Otto and Mellos are going to catch these hands and they will NOT enjoy it. Also Vhagar is BACK, I knew she was a tired responsible dragon who would not abandon her rider, and she also brought back up; she really said those children are getting injured on a daily basis and need some back up but won’t say so I will take the matter to my own hands, I love her my queen she can never do anything wrong.

And I need to know what that Mellos gave him, even Gerardys doesn’t exactly know and he can only guess, and Aegon asking about Aemond broke me; genuinely made me cry and I had to stop reading, he was drugged and doesn’t know what is happening to him and is still worrying about his little brother, like boy worry about YOURSELF for once, and oh how I wish I was a fly to listen to Rhaenyra talking to the king, and that whole scene of Aegon being to be fucked brought tears onto my eyes, I’m properly overthinking this but maybe the reason he was asking to be fucked is because the only times he felt warm was when he was with Sunfyre or getting fucked; so mabye his brain associate having sex=warm? Or am I just overthinking this?.

“Aegon wasn't their priority, he wasn't anyone's priority.” definitely shouldn’t have read this while I just had my period because I actually sobbed when I read this, startled my cat since I suddenly cried 😭😭, DAERON FELL FROM HIS DRAGON OMG, I let a gasp reading that, and now all the siblings fell but we don’t know if Aegon was the last or he needs to fall pnce more, and what will happen when they all fall? There are so many questions and not enough answers. Please tell me he will get to Sunfyre safely and suddenly everything will he okay? Because I don’t think I can handle sad Aegon anymore, but you said he still didn’t hit rock bottom, and I hate you for that you have tortured my boy enough I will start fighting you to stop -please don’t stop sad Aegon is like a drug to me I love giving him trauma-.

Honestly I can’t wait for the next chapter and I don’t want to be THAT reader but when do you think is the next chapter? It’s been SO long since I read something and I wait for each chapter like this, I’m not even THIS excited to the episodes of house of the dragon you have truly brought the excitement back and for that I thank you.

I hope those long comments are fine? And especially since they are on tumblr and not on every chapter it might be annoying for some writers, although I’m planning to reread the fic and comment on every chapter if I can and you were okay with it, I would’ve done it when I was first reading but I read it in one sitting and was to excited to take break and comment, but if it was alright with you I will write comments and send them because you 1000% deserve every comment and kudos you get and you deserve even more than that.

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Thank you! I was legitimately nervous posting this chapter, but everyone has been so positive and I'm really glad!

I loved the flashbacks so much, but mimicking a specific kind of PTSD episode can be very jarring when written I think so I wasn't sure people would be able to follow what was happening. The goal was to have past and present bleeding into each other so that we can feel how splintered Aegon's mind is in these moments. Given reactions so far I think that came across exactly as I was hoping!

To answer some of your questions:

You are not overthinking Aegon's sex=warmth assumption, nailed that right on the head. (Lowkey, this was another scene I really want to explore from Jace's POV because it is vastly different/just as chaotic given how exhausted he is.)

Yes, Aegon will get to Sunfyre safely! Next chapter starts in the Dragon Pit.

As for when that chapter will be up... I have no idea? Probably in a couple of weeks at best? As much as I want to crank it out (we're in the middle of all the plotty goodness!), the angst is quite a lot to write at one time so I have to take breaks with this section more than others. (But we're almost through the angst spiral!)

You're always welcome to post comments, here or on Ao3 of any length! XD I keep my ask box open and allow guest comments so hopefully people will be comfortable interacting in whatever way is best for them. I will warn that tumblr occassionally eats asks (not as much as previously, but I am now paranoid) so Ao3 is usually more reliable? I try to respond to all comments regardless. 😊

Given you are not the only one who's asked about Aegon's trip to the Dragon Pit... here's a little sneak peak of the next chapter for those that are worried.

The Dragon Pit was warm when he arrived. Aegon slipped through the passageways, his head pounding as he struggled to stay upright, to keep his eyes open. He passed different lairs. Younger and unclaimed dragons tittered as he stumbled before the opening of a few. Arrax appeared then, stepping from his own lair with head quirking to the side. With a low purr, the pale blue dragon approached him, dropping his head. Aegon swallowed thickly as his nephew's dragon coaxed him back onto his feet. He didn't withdraw either. Steady at his side, Arrax guided him through the twists and turns of the cavernous halls. He chirped as they arrived at Sunfyre's lair. A quick bob of his maw and Arrax nudged him forward.

[doodle-pops]

We Were Meant For Each Other | Yandere Irmo Headcanons

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing yandere content, especially for Irmo. I've been wanting to write something like this for some months and finally got the chance. Also, due to the dark theme, I didn't tag my usual list of blogs, however, should you be interested in being tagged for yandere content please let me know in my asks box..

Disclaimer: ⚠This post contains dark content such as yandere content, kidnapping, stalking, mentions of death and emotional manipulation. If any of these themes triggers you, please avoid this post and block the yandere Irmo tag⚠.

❀ He's delusional about his love for you and would do everything in his power—literally—to get you to fall in love with him. Once he locks eyes on you, there's no escaping his line of vision.

❀ He hates the idea of sending his Maiar to keep tabs on you and would prefer if he could carry out the task himself. Irmo would go as far as to ignore his duties if it meant more time to observe you and learn every little detail about you.

❀ He wouldn't hesitate to make himself present in your life, quick to ward off any contenders and make it clear that you're his and off-limits. Irmo might not seem like the type, but he can become very aggressive if needed to protect his darling.

❀ Irmo would use his ability as the dream Vala and trap people in an infinite dream loop or send nightmares that can make a person frightful enough to petrify or kill them. It's his safe way of getting rid of someone. He'll go as far as visiting them in their dream and getting rid of them himself. You know what they say, “die in the dream world, die in real life”

❀ Irmo doesn't want you to be left in the open, especially if you're a mortal or even an elf, he'll keep you safe with him in Lorien. Manwë had to be the victim of facing his begging and pleading all week because he wanted to bring you to Valinor before he agreed to shut him up.

❀ Because Irmo is responsible for governing the emotions a person feels, he would be quick to manipulate yours especially if you feel hatred and disgust towards him. It gets worse when you smile at everyone else except him. You even smiled with his brother and sister and would then become devoid of emotions around him.

❀ He hates it and he hates having to manipulate your emotions, but he does it to play into his delusional fantasy of house. Keeps you isolated in a separate wing of the palace with little to no contact. If you wish for something, call him and he'd come to grant you assistance.

❀ You once played nice and into his fantasy to get some servants to assist you because you hated him always being around but Irmo wasn't falling for your trap. He saw right through it. In fact, he sees right through all your attempts at seducing him or putting on a façade to have your way. As much as he adores the attention you're giving him, he wishes it was more genuine and not coy.

❀ But nonetheless, Irmo accepts any form of positive emotions you send his way and in return, he spoils the heck out of you. Whether you asked for it or not, he gets you the finest clothes, jewellery, flowers, etc. Aüle is annoyed by the number of visits he makes every week to request jewellery.

❀ If he has to go anywhere, he lets Námo guard you since it's damn near impossible to escape his sight. This was mainly due to your multiple attempts at escaping Lorien whenever he was put on duty. At first, he thought you were hiding and playing hard to get since making you smile and laugh was a challenge. He believed you were reciprocating.

❀ Sadly, Irmo wasn't entirely pleased when you weren't found on the grounds or responding to his call. That's when he lost it and went out to find you. He didn't care how long it took, he'd find you and return you to his side where you belonged. Even if it meant locking you up until you learnt your lesson, Irmo would. So long as you ended up in his arms.

❀ He even tied rope around both your hands so you'd be stuck to his side all day. You'll see a bright and cheery Irmo walking around and cuffed to a sour-faced you.

❀ From then on, you always resided with his brother who kept a watchful eye on you. Irmo does get jealous when you make conversation with Námo, which prompted him to threaten his brother to stop chatting with you and just guard. But even Irmo had his insecurities and opted to keep you in Lorien under the watchful eyes of his Maiar.

Masterlist

Taglist: @edensrose @cilil @noldorinpainter @asianbutnotjapanese @justjane @justellie17 @silverose365

[sweaterkittensahoy]

why do you still talk to your parents if they hate you so much? i understand that's a very personal question, but you seem to get pretty personal on this blog, so.

I'm assuming this is based off my latest retelling of my dad and I getting into it when I was a teenager and feeling his apology was genuine and true versus a semi-recent event where he was a real shithead, and I had to learn to deal with it.

I don't know your relationship with your family, and I don't know your age, but here's what I know about me, my family, and my age: I'm 41. The only person I can control in any situation is myself. My parents have failings and fuck ups that pain me, but they also grant me access to my only living grandparent--my grandmother--whom I adore to my bones. If I cut them off, I lose her. Not because she is easily swayed by bullshit but because she's 90 and they live in the same town, and it's easier for her mail to go to them than for her to get to the post office. She hates talking on phone and email. She is not here to be judged. She rules.

But also, there are positives to my relationship with my dad that I find worthy of keeping. He and I are further apart politically than we've ever been. But all Dad wants when his kids are home is to watch movies, make food, and listen to us talk about our lives. Would I like him to apologize for calling me a disappointment? Yes. Absolutely. Is it going to happen? Fucking no. Would I like him to use my pronouns? Yes. Is it ever going to happen? No. Can we talk about the six movies he watched last week and have a good time? Yes.

Will my mother ever admit she's a severe alcoholic who has abused me for my entire life and continues to do so with her drinking? Nope. Not fucking ever. And my dad would drop me in a second because he would see my hardline on my mom as disrespectful, and then my mom would make SURE that anything I send to my grandmother via the mail would get lost.

I am 100% aware of the ways my parents come up short and fail me and try to cut me off at the knees (my mother especially). It's my job in taking care of myself to look at their actions and my own hopes for the relationship and decide how to adjust.

While it may seem odd to you, to me, I am literally in the healthiest version of my relationship with my parents I could be for what I want. I am very aware of where they won't meet me halfway. I know they will say things like "we never had expectations; we just wanted you to be happy" even when I could pull out a list of receipts a mile long.

I don't need their love to be validated. I have so many people in my life who give me that without struggle. I keep them in my life for a variety of reasons of varying weight and understand why I have made that choice.

At the end of the day, it'd be way easier if my parents just said, "We hate you. Stop being so you." But they don't. They put up a show of loving me exactly how I am while also failing at that, but again, I don't need them to love me exactly as I am. I am happy with who I am and how I live my life. Their power in my life and my sense of self is what I choose to put on it, and that power at this point is zero.

I enjoy my dad. I adore my grandmother. My mother exists. My MIL lives two hours away, so there's no way to avoid them if we're in the area. We went down in April and there were moments of deep annoyance, but nothing I wasn't expecting because I am clear-eyed and very accepting of what I'm walking into, and honestly, it's gotten fucking funny how right my guesses are.

How I handle my shit isn't for everyone. But it's my shit. And it's how I handle it. And every time I follow the path I've carved, I feel sure about my decisions.

[coredrill]

this post is not abt bravern but it Is abt my Bravern Feelings

i miss this show so much already SOBS. i did enlist another g roup of irl friends to watch it w me though and we are starting tomorrow so yay :] and also beware the rewatch posts

[guy who has said that i'm glad i watched this live every week voice] i'm rly glad i watched this live, but this time its bc. i think there is something so truly and genuinely special abt the way that the theories abt bravern himself evolved week to week.........like at first everyone was like Well maybe he's an evil alien who is gonna Kill isami. and then everyone was like Well maybe he's a death drive and isami is his lulu. and THEN everyone was like Well there's still some knuth in there so. but none of that was the case!!! none of that was true!!! it was literally just this one guy and all of the love he has and Absolutely Sucks Shit at expressing!!!!!!! and i just. idk. that hits me rly hard that maybe it was percieved as sinister at first just cause it was a little Off but in the end it was something really really sweet :] it also just feels like yet another way of the show doing its "we know audiences aren't willing to accept optimism at face value these days" schtick like they mentioned in that one interview and just. showing how bravern himself evolves in the eyes of the viewer. it's rly special to me :]

i know bravern speaking german in ep2 was a nod to the translator he uses on superbia later but. what if someone loved you so much they became german (if i ever mention kyouji again in a bravern context just fucking shoot me)

WILD to watch the finale and then see the isami hate train take off FKSJDHFJ cause i feel like i adored him so much in that ep LMAO. my guy really felt every emotion known to man in the span of 22 minutes and then started makin gup new ones. he's very human!!! and i love that abt him!!!!

although some takes. i'm ngl. i know we joke abt subtext and cowards but it becomes less funny when the subtext that is there is missed LMAO

sorry to keep bringing up ep4 but i think its SO interesting how like. the way that bravern seems to helps isami out emotionally in that ep actually ends up not helping him in the long run aswell? like getting to know all those ppl care abt him is good ofc but it also feeds Directly into his hangups in ep5. and i remember being a little confused as to Why that was the case on first watch cause ep4 was So abt his beef w lulu (FLSDKJFH) but w the smith being a human again thing in the end it makes. so much more sense!!!!! i can't wait to rewatch the show w it still fresh in my mind and find even more!!!!!!

and omg the beef with lulu. literally nothing is funnier to me than "we are gonna have one Rival Fight in this show and that position is gonna be filled by isami and smith's fucking KID" SOBS. LIKE. it kills me FKSLDJFHL. though i will say again that i think it is So fucking special that in ep10 lulu specifically calls out isami taking care of her after smith dies and it apparently happens to such a degree that like. he is worth her time traveling back to save independently aswell? even though there was no way that he "took care of her" for more than a couple days? which i think just says so much abt isami in the sense that like. at no point before ep6-7ish in his arc would he have even entertained that idea. uwu

i think i said this before but ikd if i included the screenshot but. the fact that while bravern is dying he sees THAT SAME FUCKING PICTURE is just evidence that men do not take enough photos i think

there is literally Nothing more onbrand for bravern than the fucking. "ep13 abema listing" (if anyone who has not heard abt that sees this. it was just a rebroadcast of ep12 mislabeled) sending everyone into a tizzy regarding like. Secret Episode Question Mark except half of everyone being convinced its an april fools joke and the other half being convinced that the april fools joke is that we didn't expect it. and then it turns out to not be interntional atall and the real april fools joke is Fry Pan. SOBS

Crunchyroll I Am Begging You If You Dub This Please Dub The Songs Too Oh My God (<- delusional)

anyways!!!!!!!!!!! again i know recency bias is the killa but god. i really loved this show a lot!!!! it might be an alltime fave story for me in general!!!!!! even if it's not it was a really special experiance and story on the whole and i'm just really really happy i get to carry it in my heart forever :]

[skylarbee]

Over the years I have seen many fandoms and fans of all kinds, but yes, in fact lately the AM fandom is really becoming something unmanageable for anyone even for those who perhaps follow the band for the music without wanting to know anything about the gossip. I think this is also partly the fault of Tiktok which has led many young people to want to follow the band and therefore to become attached to certain characters without knowing what they have done in the past, they want to throw shit at people they didn't know until two years ago like Miles for example and blaming him for everything is saying disgusting things towards him that really, just reading it brings tears to my eyes. I don't know what will happen as soon as the tour ends, I hope things calm down even if it's hard for me given Amanda and Matt's attitude in the last few days

yes to all of this! the only times that i've searched for gossip were when i already heard a lot of rumours against my will and i wanted to see if they were true (other people should do this too instead of immediately believing/disbelieving something they've read on the internet...). other than that, the moment i open any social media, it's all there without me having to press a single button, and i'm sure that lots of other people have it the same way.

i do think too that tiktok might have something to do with it. i wasn't this deep in the fandom until only like three years ago, so i don't know what the situation was with younger fans before that. i also said a lot of stupid shit on the internet when i was really young, so i can't expect much from the young fans, especially the ones who have no idea about how problematic LV is and love her to bits. the extremely sad thing is that i've seen SO many people who do know a thing or two, and they still think that she's done nothing wrong (like ppl saying that she's a 'queen' for being the one alex cheated with, that she should be proud of it and brag about it, or the ones that congratulate her and say that they would've done even worse things just to get in alex's pants - just some vomit-inducing stuff)

the thing with miles makes me the saddest, i feel you anon. there are loads of people out there who spread false information and call him things that he's not - but what's even worse than this is there are people who have no idea about these things, and still hate on him and make fun of him for absolutely no reason. like he said, we have to accept the fact that this is the way it always will be; i can't even get mad anymore when interviewers constantly bring up alex/tlsp when talking to him. i don't think it will ever change. let's all learn from LV and do the opposite of what she does - when we see people talking shit, we should just click that block/mute button and go about our day without paying attention to it and posting on our stories about it (if i were to sit down and argue with every person on twitter who says something bad about him, i'd do that 24/7). miles' fans are the sweetest people out there (like artist like fan) and we should focus on not ruining the pure and good vibes that miles transmits to us via his IG (reason why i don't tag these posts with his name). if he can take some minutes out of his life (almost) every day to post cute things for us, we should also send him back positive things - out of tens of fake people in am's circle, he continues to be the only genuine, honest, and pure-hearted person - let's not take it for granted.

i imagine that after the tour ends all we'll have will be L&A's stories, specifically LV's stories where she'll position her phone so that we'll be able to see alex's elbow and lose our minds over it; and similar shenanigans. i am not looking forward to it. this community will be rotten for as long as those two will be present in the boys' lives (i wish it wouldn't be true, but everything has been going downhill since 2018/2019)

[mamaestapa]

this isn’t hate so don’t take it as such but it’s really confusing seeing you have one foot in, one foot out of the fandom and then getting mad when people don’t follow or understand where you’re at

I don’t read everything you post, I’m not on tumblr often but i saw you said you’re not writing for joe rn (completely fine and valid) but you answered an ask the other day about how much of a dream it would be to have him fall in love with you (when anon said you looked like liv) AND hes still your profile pic and username. I understand the username is effort to change but he is still all over your blog and some days it seems like you’re in a good mood to talk about him and the next you’re so done and it’s just really confusing at this point. if you’re done with him, that’s fine, just pls say so bc it’s confusing when you’re like “u never know!” but also “im not in a joe mood rn” but also “I’d love him to fall in love with me and that would be a dream” and then get mad when we send asks like I genuinely just don’t understand if you love or hate him? you’ve kinda given the impression of both and it’s fine either way but pls just be clear bc it seems like we’re pissing you off but you’re not clear on where you stand and idgi cjdjdmd i thought you were done with him but then I saw the liv ask where u said it would be a dream for him to fall in love with u, so I thought ‘ok ur not writing for him, but you still like him and wanna talk ab him’, and he’s ur prof pic and stuff so I was like ok safe assumption, but then it seemed like u got mad when I sent u a tweet so im just confused fjfjffjd

i hope you understand this isn’t hate and i genuinely love your blog. i just think being clear would be helpful and if ur rlly done with him, even just for now, being straight up would be better than saying youd love him to fall in love w u and then basically telling us to shut up ab him the next day bc ur in ur hockey era rn 😭

sending this with love! once again not hate just don’t like being chastised

“this is the only ask i’ll answer regarding this. “

felt like I was being told off by a teacher in school when I just didn’t know bc u said he’s your favourite last week and some other positive things the other day😭

🤍

i don’t really know how to answer this lol. first of all, i’m not mad at anyone. i just get a little annoyed.

i want to start by saying, i don’t hate joe. i hate what the joe community on tumblr has turned into. you can’t post anything anymore without receiving hate or some sort of comment that isnt so nice. it’s frustrating to see so many good blogs and genuinely nice people receive hate because of the things they post.

we’re all on here just trying to have fun and post positive things about our favorites!

i do not expect you to read every single thing i post on here. i don’t expect that out of anyone that reads my stuff or follows me.

yes, joe absolutely is all over my blog. i’m a fan of his, i write for him, he has been my blog for a whole year now. i don’t mind receiving asks about joe, literally at all. when it comes to his personal life and what he’s doing though…it’s different.

i didn’t create my blog to talk about or speculate anything about joes personal life/life outside of football. i made this blog to write about, see pics of, and meet other people who shared a love for him and the sport too. all this community has turned into the last few months has been drama and speculation which is NOT what im here for.

i’ve moved onto hockey because football wasn’t my interest anymore and that’s okay. i didn’t say to shut up about joe, you absolutely can talk about him. i simply just said i’ve moved on.

i get a little frustrated when i get asks about when in writing fics or updating for him because i’ve said multiple times that im taking a step back and taking a break from writing about joe. am i not allowed to be a fan and say i love him without him being the focus of my blog anymore? lol.

i didn’t mean to “chastise” anyone, i just was simply saying i’m not going to answer anymore asks about what the tweet was about because it’s ALL over tumblr right now. many blogs are receiving hate, talking about the subject, etc. and i just don’t want to be apart of that. i did not create my blog to talk about his personal life or have any drama.

i’ve stopped writing about joe because of what the community has become. he has nothing to do with it.

i appreciate you being honest with me on how you feel about my blog and my approach with this! i didn’t mean to come off the way i did when i answered your ask about the tweet, i just didn’t want to contribute to the conversation anymore and make it a bigger deal than it already is.

with that being said, it’s been great on here with yall but i’m stepping away from the “joemunity”. thanks for being so amazing🤍