#I DIDNT KNOW YOU THEN AND ILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY IT FEELS LIKE I DID
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POTES FINISHES KOTOR!
i planned on going to bed early tonight but the kotor brainworms made me finish the game and WHAT A GAME MAN!!! anyway sessions 10-12:
the t in ten stands for traumatised
i love how i was like omg i hope i find revan and theyre my best friend! but the second i found out i was revan i was screaming and running away like NOPE NO GET OUT OF HERE
just want it to be noted that in the hours between playing this morning and now ive repeatedly caught myself just staring into space w blank expression its all ive thought abt all day like what has this game DONE to me
i literally had to make a revan playlist earlier lmao i havent even finished the game
also i searched revan on my blog and turns out last year i got an ask where i discovered revan was a customisable protagonist and yet i still walked into this spoiler free, meaning i managed to outrun spoilers via stupidity or having a horrible memory or both. im the ultimate anti-spoiler machine
tbh it didnt help that i thought revan was a bloke for at least the first like, 6 hours
you know one of my first ideas when i first started the game was "this character is going to die and then i will play as revan" and after the first mission i was like "well surely there must be a segment where you play as revan where did i get the idea that you play as revan from" the mental gymnastics i did around the truth are impressive this game gaslit me SO hard
i know its been like 8 hours since i experienced it but if anyone calls me revan again i will start crying anyway lets find carth's son and get this star map
i still cant think of revan as myself it feels like shes some dead sister i never met that's not me i cant compute it
i get why one of the options earlier was "oh i understand bastila" but i did not pick that bc SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL THEY DID USE ME!!! LIKE!
anyway time to have one of my first times playing a party without b-dog ): ill get u back babygirl (hold out for me plz dont get darksided) ill bring murderbot or the child soldier for now
ah i love carth and mission arguing. carth has no people skills
im sorry we've had a spice shipment onboard this whole time??? i wouldve liked to have known that some hours ago substance abuse would definitely help my identity issues
aw carth n mission made up! [lie/persuade] i agree she's not just a kid we should tooootally have her in active combat situations
this sith academy is crazy wdym ppl r out here starving and dying to get in
i love that i said my companions were slaves
wtf theres only one bed. okay mission you can have the bed me and carth can sleep on the floor
onasi i recognise that sur-- DUSTIL?? SHIT CARTH ONASI OH MY GOD I FORGOR
well that went about as well as bastila's family reunion. it's okay tho cause the parental issue solver is on the case carth i will have this shit fixed asap
these tombs suck
i love that my party members have stopped following me this is useful and great i love having to manually move them everywhere 10/10 gaming
im avoiding the dark side options so hard rn idc if i'll get less prestige i CANNOT risk going evil IM NOT REVAN
ive had so many options to be like "well get fucked im darth revan" but i dont want to get laughed at or anything so im just gonna stay quiet
also i still havent accepted it and i think saying i was revan might make my character find the panic attack dialogue option
ok we got kidnapped and electrocuted by a kiddie fiddler and that seemed to fix the companions not following me problem
slay i just stole the master's ipad and that solved dusty's daddy issues. literally i could have fixed the original trilogy im so good at parental issues if i was born 4000 years later there wouldve been no star wars movies it'd be chill
sw fix-it au: revan is just There
aww theyre bonding <3 <3 <3 <3
yay i did enough stuff to enter the tomb <3 cool i'll do that later
hilarious that mr sith master was like ok fine i will declare u the victor when everyone else who applied is either dead or left the building
ELEVEN ALSO RHYMES WITH REVAN AND i'm still not over it man
god gives his toughest battles (my friend was having boyfriend problems) to his bravest soldiers (me who wanted to start playing kotor again immediately after dinner but had to be a good friend and help her)
anyway back to REAL problems. let's go get this starmap
i dislike seeing malak on the opening screen now. he literally tried to blow me up and he may have killed or kidnapped bastila i dont wanna see that bitch
can we use our force bond to like. message bastila and check she's ok bc im taking everything this game said as foreshadowing and she talked a LOT about how no jedi is immune to the dark side you know. can we make malak hasnt reverse-revan'd her
looked up a walkthrough for that pillar business cause its late and while i know it would feel satisfying to get it right, i can't be assed
pillar isn't a word anymore
oh i kinda thought if i sided w yuthara i'd be able to talk her into going lightside but wompwomp
oh yay a talk!
ok she left i got lightside points thats close enough
lets get out of here before anyone starts questioning why i came back alone from the tomb
omg lena from mission's brother's girlfriend… and shes not a bitch???? oh my god griff was the bitch lena sounds so nice lets go to tatooine
im realising ive probably missed out on a lot of sidequests by only taking b-dog and carth out for missions but uhhh
i understand that it's very important that we save the galaxy by finding this star forge but you know what i love more than saving the galaxy? drama. we're going to find mission's brother
MALAK WAS THE ORIGINAL MEATBAG
man the evil stuff sounds bad but come on revan-me had a good sense of humour. meatbag (:
fuck me sideways with a toothbrush we've got to go do walking simulator in the sand dunes again to find mission's brother
this game really makes you understand luke skywalker bc i too would be desperate to leave this planet if i spent more than a week here
oh my god so youre saying if i just walked around the full tusken base then i wouldve found mission's brother. this is what i get for not exploring every nook and cranny
im not giving griff shit. u just know in the modern day he'd have a podcast and constantly share those entrepreneur tips on instagram, thinking he was an alpha male when he has $2 and no bitches
my textures arent loading in this is so funny everything is yellow and white
ok heres the plan its very late i should be in bed but this is probably the final mission so im gonna get ready for bed and then come back to this and we're gonna pretend i make healthy life choices and that i'm not addicted to this game
session 12! yep!
and it's been so long it's definitely the morning now so theres a whole new session it's definitely not only been 10 minutes since the last bullet point and im definitely not gonna play this all night
i make healthy life decisions lets find this star forge babygirls
NOO GET AWAY FROM MY FRIEND BASTILA YOU EGGFUCKER GET AWAY
i hope the star forge has a bin i can toss malak into
christ on a bike thats a lot of ships
this secret star forge planet is lovelyyyyy. vacation planet
btw my save file is called 'tanalorr is mine' and this planet is… well its making me feel validated for calling it that
why do these ppl keep attacking me im just a chill guy
of course theres an energy shield. theres always some kind of energy shield
are u being fr? mandalorians?? get a job u guys.
omg the fish guys know im revan????
omg YOU CAN LEARN LANGUAGES W THE FORCE?? INCREDIBLE
well presumably i missed the nonlethal option to get the scout back cause i am killing this entire base rn
omg who cares im maxed out light side i have lightbeams behind me in the character menu
every time someone talks abt me n malak goin somewhere when we were besties makes me sad. like i get i was revan and evil then but still we were besties ): now we're enemies ):
great. the bad guys are gonna be inside waiting for me. this is so uncharted-core
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MALAK’s FACE HOW IS HE ALIVE THATS SO MUCH JAW GONE
is that--?? bastila queen why r u wearing black
NOO HER ASS GOT TRILLA'D!!
ok i think that convo went ok i got lightside points im gonna get her back
well aside from bastila and the murder of an entire village i think that went very well lets go sodomise a star forge
i really have got to stop using the english language in the way i do. we're gonna defeat the star forge how about that. thats better
MASTER TORTIMER SURVIVED
YAY MY GIZKA ARE BACK ONBOARD!!!!!!!!!
bringing HK cause i want him to call malak a meatbag again
love that malak's like the droids will defeat the jedi when i literally have the destroy droid ability. get fucked eggbitch
these fights are just getting annoying now where are these guys even coming from
you know what? i dont wanna fight these twats im just gonna walk away and head to where i wanna go without fighting
tf why cant i open
its rlly funny that im revans master when he called bastila a child and its implied we’re a similar age
B-DOG!! COME TO THE LIGHT
FAT W I REDEEMED BASTILA
wow we have to get off this space station before our allies blow it up, meanwhile i have to fight a bald guy with breathing problems who was responsible for a crazy reveal in the second act. deja vu…
the bastila boss fight was easy-as so i assume the malak one is gonna fucking suck
i worked out how to stop him turning the jedi into sundried tomatoes
malak is so much taller than me lmao
bit sad i didnt get to have hk call malak a meatbag again and also what happened to his face we never covered that
YEAHH WOOOOOOOOO
ooh an honour guard… a hero’s welcome
YAYYYYY MEDAL CEREMONY CLASSIC STAR WARS
taking screenshots of the gang together like a parent with their kids
IM GRINNING SO HARD RN
I DID IT I FINISHED THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A GOOD GAME GODDAMN. GAME OF THE YEAR IDC IF IT CAME OUT 22 YEARS AGO oh my god me n this game r basically the same age wtf
and i did it in true potes-star-wars-games fashion bc its way past midnight as it was when i finished jfo and js <3
ANYWAY HOLY SHIT!! WHAT A GAME!!!!! that plot im going completely and utterly insane over that plot i see why revan is such an aggressive fan favourite its not a time of day (night) that i can come up w coherent thoughts but wow. wow!
definitely want to replay as a dark sider at some point (and maybe mod the shit out of the game too)
thankfully ive already bought the sequel (and been informed of the restored content thing) so thats ready to go whenever im ready to give up my entire life for a kotor addiction again! yippee!
what a good story. gameplay was fairly fun despite its often-awfulness until the ending where it got a bit tedious and i felt like a diabetic with how much i was injecting myself in the leg but like! THE STORY!!!! THE CHARACTERS!!! EBON HAWK CREW MY BESTEST FRIENDS
man!
well. im not gonna shut up abt this for a while am i. look all im saying is i should probably drop a weather warning on u all cause the kotor fandom is not ready for the fanart tidal wave known as stealingpotatoes that about to hit them. batten down your fuckin hatches
KOTOR MY BEAUTIFUL BEST FRIEND MY WIFE I LOVE YOU MWAH GOOD NIGHT MY SWEET PRINCE
also to u, gentle reader, thank u for joining me on this journey <3 i hope u had as much fun as i did lmao
POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!
ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags
warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):
SESSION 1
whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan
ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass
only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit
my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs
hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????
omg a jedi and an evil jediii
omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately
i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight
WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO
i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful
I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown
i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve
everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???
my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen
huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine
ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK
ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits
googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip
SESSION 2
i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point
all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….
why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword
maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE
was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted
why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia
why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???
carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not
a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project
mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school
SESH 3
tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games
ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won
REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!
why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????
lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident
"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER
BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??
CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber
if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho
whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate
SESH IV: A NEW HOPE
'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo
LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU
thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary
UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE
someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes
all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch
YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but
cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council
why can everyone smell my force juju so strong
THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA
why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor
bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow
malak is like evil aang
revan is so much shorter than malak omg
are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan
poor mission ):
WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???
im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me
kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong
IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!
does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's
damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident
A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started
master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil
even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN
'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??
omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3
HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??
i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever
they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin
he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila
OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!
omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi
maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia
seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA
also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me
im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now
FSESH FIVE:
big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line
oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues
well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening
yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians
oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho
wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them
i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc
ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????
cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????
I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS
if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid
anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to
"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord
bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart
THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???
omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year
OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA
ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia
also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was
master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda
LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL
omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!
I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO
omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have
im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin
omg hyperspace from star wars
THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???
am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout
maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow
[kiwi accent] six
carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me
also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out
i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out
THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????
lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes
there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now
bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades
this isnt a combat system this is a missing system
I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL
nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties
why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission
this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl
i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon
MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????
but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE
so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie
great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills
bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY
ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever
omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem
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— smoke signals, phoebe bridgers
#I DIDNT KNOW YOU THEN AND ILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY IT FEELS LIKE I DID#red string of fate theory#the narrative#soulbounded#destined to play together#etc etc#there are soooo many phoebe songs that apply to mitch and soo many boygenius songs that apply to 1634 like its over#toronto maple leafs#mitch marner#auston matthews#1634#ausmitch#pheobe bridgers#smoke signals#web weave#webweave#web weaveing#theme: red string of fate#theme: being in love with your best friend#theme: soulmates#theme: THEY MAKE ME FUCKING CRAZY
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the impact of solitaire on my brain needs to be studied bc as someone who is a big fan of seasonal playlists, every time i make a winter playlist half of the songs in there aren't necessarily wintery they're just songs that remind me of that book. it's been 7 years since i first read it and i last reread it at least 4 years ago and yet every time we get the first snow of the year i still think about michael & tori. the chances of it ever leaving my brain are truly zero i fear
#one of yr eyes is always half shut smth happened when you were a kid. i didnt know you then and ill never understand why it feels like i did#if you even CARE.#i need to draw them again soon.... i used to draw tori so regularly we are losing the ancient texts#personal#solitaire
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I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH
#i dont know why the siblings thing ends up coming up as often as it does (read: i know exactly why) but uuurggh#do you ever. have an inside joke with your sibling that your abusive dad prefers you over them and it's so established it's casual banter#but everyone you've ever tried to be sincere with (your mother; your peers) have consistantly preferred your sibling over you#even your own friends and kids who were closer to your age range than theirs#do you ever have a conversation with your best friend where they tell you that at first they didn't want to be friends with you#because you were ''too Weird''#do you ever get praised by a friend who says she envied you in middle school because you ''never cared about being different''#meanwhile you had no idea you were different and just couldn't fucking fix it#it took me that to understand that people avoided me because i was Weird. i thought the reason i had no friends was bc i was shy#that and the fact that i Didnt Know What Was Socially Acceptable Or Not and other kids were scared of me bc i was ''to blunt''#i have learned to value honesty over nearly everything else but that's only because i wish everyone else did the same.#literally everything i write has a main protagonist with low to no emotional empathy. like. ok#every character i write has that thing where they always felt like they were a monster for not feeling the right things. mh#i wonder how that might reflect on how my whole world came crashing down once i realised emotional empathy is A Real Thing#and not just a lie people made up for virtue signaling#''there's no way people /literally/ feel sad /for/ other people. they just know rationally that it's bad'' deep sigh.#anyway thats why i will never shut up about the fact that empathy is morally neutral and not a prerequisite for being a ''''good person''''#emotions are morally neutral. thats why we say all emotions are valid. thats why thought crimes aren't real#in short: you will pry human!au no empathy janus and autistic remus from my cold dead hands#i have. so many fucking thoughts.#janus is literally JUST like ME for REAL#except for the lying mostly because i !!! taught myself out of that#THE AMOUNT OF WORK I HAVE DONE ON MYSELF. I HAVE CLAWED MY WAY OUT OF THE TRENCHES OF MENTAL ILLNESS ON MY OWN AND I AM PROUD OF THAT#MAYBE it's because i can never open up to anyone ever BUT it's also because im SKILLED and SWAG and SELF-AWARE and THE BEST EVER. and MODEST#rant#the tag rambler strikes again . apologies
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i am the poisoned blood running through my tired veins
#personal#ITS SO MOT FUCKINH FAIR.#since he hates me now i dont care if he sees this and im pretty sure i fucking blocked the reat of them so idontfucking care#i hate all kf them so much and i dont fucking care how bad they hurt. i hurt too#for some INSANE REASON i was the only oke that had to apologize. why did they never apologize .#they know they hurt me. He knkws he hurt me.#when j say this they think im selfish. they can think what they want.#byt jts fucking crazy to act like im the only one tjat did anything wronh#i fucking admitted i was wrong. but it wasnt enough. notjing is ever enough for them!#if He ever tries to text me again im not responding. it was stupid of me to respons.#i wonder what he would say if he knew that i chose ro respond by chance of a coin flip#if it had landed on tails i wouldnt be making this post.#he cares more than i do. i dont have the luxury of caring.#he says “i led him on” but if he wanted skme speicodx kind of love fucking say skmething#i didnt knkw i was supposed to be differenr. if he had said that from the dtart i never would have agreed.#i didnt want to change for him.#he shouldve been different and he shouldve been better#i shouldve been too. but atleast i can admit ghat#what the fuck do you mean when you say you understand why j do what you do and uou get it so deeply#but then you still leave. does rhat mean you understand how much you hurt me that first time#it barely hurts anymore. but i cried four times last nigjt#now i dont feel it and now i dont care. youll never knkw little i can let myself care#ill distract myself until i forget all about you because i csnt let myself feel any of this#i dont care if im not changjng the way you begged me to. thats not an option rigjtnmow#im still fighting to stay alive. i dont know that you understand what thats like#you say you get it. i tjink you just say that#you loved me and i dont like that. i warned you and you dwatted my warning away#how is that all my fault.#how is all of this my fault.#💭
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today is not a good day
#i am so done with this semester you have no idea#i dont even know why i am still in college i feel like i should just drop out#no matter how hard i study for an exam i cant get so much as a fucking C on any of them#i worked my ass off for this exam and i thought for sure i could get a high B but i didnt even come close#i dont understand i did well enough on my last two exams but i fucked this one up so bad and it doesnt make any sense#theres just no use in me even trying anymore ill never get better than a D on any of my exams#its like these classes are setting me up to fail#im so lost i dont know what is going wrong in my head but it just isnt working#and i hate this#sorry to vent on main but i am so done i am so tired of being stupid i want to go back to when i wasnt failing everything#im so genuinely lost because i thought i knew this material so well so what the fuck happened#to delete later
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🦋
#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family#on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know.#she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me.#&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me#into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way#after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public#that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later#after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her#&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault.#so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally#everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao.#&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad#about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.#i do not fucking UNDERSTAND.#i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why.#the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all#while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me.#but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime#&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool.#a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.
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u ever have to back out of a drama explained video bc ur like. i agree that that person was in the wrong but the way youre presenting them is just unsettling
#like theres a difference between 'hey heres a breakdown of who waid what and what happened' and#'look at this zoo animal and what a freak they are for this freak thing they did‚ everyone point and laugh at them wherever they go forever#specifically if you put quirky music and a dramatic voiceover over a clip of someone having a screaming#breakdown in their car telling people to leave them alone i think thats uhhhhhh fucked up no matter what they did#and ppl will always be like 'well they could just log off so its fine' and its like a) didnt we learn in like elementary school that#cyberbullying is still real bullying#like to me that gives the same vibe as 'why didnt they just leave' irt abusive relationship if that makes sense?#like yeah physically they are capable of just logging off. physically they can choose to leave. but theres a lot more#that goes into it than just 'can i physically leave'#like. ppl who do abuse over the internet know how the internet works and know how to use#means other than ohysical strength to keep targets under their control#'if you dont respond to my messages whenever i send them ill kill myself. no i didnt directly say that but#i repeatedly messaged you at times i knew you had just gone to sleep faking suicide attempts making you feel#like its your fault for not being available to respond 24/7'#its 'youre the only person i can talk to about these things no one understands me like you. you are my whole support system and therefore#wholly responsible for my mental health#if you leave me ill have no one so you will be dooming me to fall apart on my own when i need support the most so you can never leave me'#its 'how can you break up with me right now knowing im feeling suicidal‚ its like you want me to kill myself‚ you did this deliberately bc#youre a bad person. my life depends on you staying with me and i will never not be suicidal#and even if i was you saying that would make me feel that way so you can never break up with me or youre responsible for me kmsing#im not saying thats at all the same as ppl taking drama too far and freaking out abiut stuff however i feel like a good portion of it#carries over specifically the fact that. they probably feel like they /have/ to stay logged in‚ to keep their drama public#they have to keep defending themselves and keep reading responses and keep going and going#plus like. of course its the big freakouts that get lots of attention and therefore get even worse#good or bad people like spectacle‚ you never see people calmly resovling disagreements because they.#get calmly resolved then everyone moves on and forgets it. so you only remember the wild ones#like esp for like. kids on tiktok#we all had meltdowns about petty shit at one point or another we just were lucky enough to grow up just before#social medias jumped over to video content so it doesnt have our faces tied to it#idk. i just think ppl should ask themselves 'how would i feel if an audience of thousands was watching my lowest moment like this'
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i honestly just think gen z and gen alpha have an issue with communication in general and thats causing a lot of fucking issues.
#do you even know how to resolve conflicts without shutting down and evading them? or turning them into something worse?#do you know how to compromise or do you stubbornly insist everything must go your way?#do you know how to confront someone about something w/o coming off as judgemental/confrontational or defensive?#do you know how to *actually* listen to people enough to be able to repeat back to them what they said?#when you confront people- do you come at them with a lot of 'you did this-' and not enough of 'i feel like's?#anyways THIS is why therapy is important ✌️#wouldnt know all this shit if i never went and acted like it could never benefit me ever.#having a conflict with someone? heres how to communicate:#you: I feel this way about this thing that you did#person: im sorry that I made you feel that way. i did that because of x reason.#you: i hear you. you did it because of x reason. i promise to try not to hurt you that way again.#but can you see it from my perspective and how it was hurtful to do?#person: yes i can and I wont do it again.#you: thank you#-obviously an ideal way this would go. with a more defensive person its also possible though#you: i feel this way about the thing you did#defensive person: i didnt mean to do y/i did it because you did x#you: you did it because of x. it still hurt even if you didnt mean to/i know why you did it but that doesnt make it okay#person: it doesnt make it okay for you to hurt me either!#you: i never said it did. and im sorry I hurt you. can you understand how what you did hurt me and try not to do it again.#person: fine. whatever. ill try not to#or something like that. not an interaction you should have to have to that level but. maybe you have someone you cant avoid idk#they SHOULD apologize to you but in a way that resignation is at least an acknowledgment. maybe theyre not someone able to face#themselves yet. idk 🤷. they might come back to you later after reflecting and apologize.#also caveat- obviously this is basically impossible to do with abusive manipulative ppl and i dont suggest trying it#i mean maybe its possible but usually they just lie about not doing it again so yeah#HERE. HERE'S ME GIVING TUMBLR MORE ADVICE IT DOESNT DESERVE FROM ME SPECIFICALLY AFTER EVERYTHING#MANY ON THIS SITE HAVE DONE TO ME BUT THAT IM PROVIDING NONETHELESS BC SOMEONE NEEDS TO TRY TO HELP#YALL SOCIALLY N SHIT SOMEHOW.#IDK IF ITS GONNA BE ME FOR VERY MUCH LONGER. BUT. I DO FUCKIN TRY OVER HERE.
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its so funny to me that she was like 'you deserve better' because little does she even know she genuilnely was best. like no one is ever going to top her. and i know with my full heart that she will find better than me and im supposed to want that for her but i really really dont. cuz i know theres so much better than me but theres no one better than her
#like ive accepted that weve broken up and theres no chance of gettin gback together#but i still hate it. no matter how much i want her back i know she wont come back#and for some reason it feels like shes 'the one taht got away' even though i didnt try to let her go at ALL#like somehow it feels like its my own bad that we broke up even though shes the one who ended it#i wish shed told me that she wanted to be loved differently or something. she did everything perfectly for me but never asked anything of m#and i really wish she did. i wish shed given me a chance to show her how much she meant to me and how far i was willing to go for her#thats the part that im most upset about. the fact she didnt stay long enough to tell me all that and find out how much id do for her#and none of this is to say i never did anything bad. maybe i did and i just dont know it#or maybe i didnt do enough and i just dont know it#but i wish shed told me WITHOUT breaking up with me so that i could just have teh chance to be better for her#i dont understand why shed think it was unfair if i did try to change my own 'love' habits or whatever. i would do anything for her#i just want her to come back to show her how much better i can be than whatever i was before#cuz i know there ewre things i was bad at. ex. sometimes i was bad at picking up her cues or i know im bad at being romantic in front of ou#friends. but i didnt know if that was a problem for her or not and if it was i wish shed said so so that i could try better to fix all that#because even though im bad at it it doesnt mean i wouldnt try to do better for her#i just want her to give me another chance i want to do so much for her#now well never be bubbline and ill never get to give her her bday rpesent#like i guess its a good thing i hadnt bought it yet but now i feel shitty like what if her friends are like 'she never even got you a bday#present????? shes such a red flag' when the reality is i was waiting to get it closer to moving on campus to give itin person#GOD PLEASE. do you think if i start praying again the gods will bring her back to me
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Reason #345734 why I don't tell my mom shit.
Her pain and suffering is the only kind she cares about, and she'll play stupid games with me like ghost me for 3+ weeks after a minor surgery, just to make sure I'm worried enough about her life to check, so she "has permission" to start in with the talking my ear off about her problems without boundaries or preamble. She won't know shit about my issues til after they're over (if she hears about them at all) bc she never asks a damn thing about my life, and literally only ever leaves room for herself and her feelings in any equation literally ever and then peaces tf out like. Bitch I'm permanently disabled and in a degenerative spiral that's gonna last my whole fkn life, and you're still bitching about yourself? Wanting me to cater to your emotions when you haven't even spared a CRUMB of consideration in return?
FUck all the way off.
Should have known that if she had died or sth bad happened, I'd have heard something right away. After 30+ yrs of her pulling the "yeah my kid tried to kill themself for the 7th time, but have you asked ME how hard it is to raise them doing the nothing I have been, bc I still don't know them as a person at all or even try to? Where's the compassion?!" shit... you'd think I would know better, but my compassion gets me fucked over YET AGAIN.
If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty.
Back to no contact.
Let the bitch suffocate if she can't self soothe.
#idk how many chances she's gonna get in this life and she's still playing stupid games with my fkn emotions and banking stupid ass prizes#frfrfr every “nice” thing she does is usually laced with something she knows damn well I hate so she can use my reactions against me bc#she just wants to have a nice peaceful time throwing me a bday party i didnt want with cake i don't like and getting butthurt when i don't#lie to her face and spare her feelings and literally replace my own boundaries with hers instead#wonder where I got the minimization of my own problems from hhhhhhh bitingbitingbiting#this shit is why it took over a decade to even get the autoimmune diagnoses i needed to understand why i was infirmed half my fkn life but#noooo she's gotta make everything about her#i never get a “hi how are you” just months of no contact followed by all her drama in a full discography without even checking to make sure#i'm in a space to be carrying all that shit#which as a chronically ill and fatigued person it's just courteous to ask before you dump shit on them if you know they're gonna be tired?#it costs zero dollars to check on someone before you dump every article of your dirty laundry on them and throw a pity party without consen#i can also be guilty of venting too but ffs at least i check in on my vent friends if i go too hard and try and keep shit stirring to a min#nvm the last time i told her anything it was to say i got those diagnoses and actually have medical reasons for my permanent exhaustion#and she turned it into a fkn competition!!!!!!!!!!#this bitch only cares about herself it literally doesn't matter if she's well or sick it's all about her and what she wants out of it#never once did i get anything to the degree of 'what would you like to happen/where are your boundaries here' bc she doesn't fkn care#so i am done giving her the grace she doesn't need and hasn't yet earned back bc i'm not putting her needs before mine again fuck that#fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck this shit i'm out~#vent rant#pls ignore
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'huh... You have abandonment issues? I thought that was usually something you got from childhood trauma. Were you abandoned as a child?'
Me, trying not to cry: haha, not in the usual sense?
#miranda talking shit#I never .... Thought i was outright abandoned but the more i think about it... Uh i may fall under that category#I mean i probably felt abandoned... Emotionally? By dad i was he was never around even if we shared house#But even by my mom who i love to death... When i was hurt both hit physically and emotionally she never... Did much to help me#So i probably felt abandoned. It might be why i actually didnt tell my mom anything important until i was 15+?#I always loved her and i dont blame her or have any ill will towards her but... I uh. Yeah i definitely felt alone in the sense no one#Protected me against the abuse i got so my survival tactic for that was... Dont open up to anyone bc they wont help or care anyway#Always try to appease everyone/be liked so they don't hurt you or leave. I mean im no expert but i dont think this is too crazy of a theory#I actually never considered it until i got asked this... And i looked at my past through that lens. I know my trauma was thanks to my#Siblings abuse for years. But i... Never considered WHY i have some typw of abandonment issues... And now im like uh#Oh i guess ... I was somehow abandonment... If not physically emotionally.... When i needed to be seen and protected#Ah... Oh ... Uh... I dont know how to feel about this... I always feel bad about calling my past ... A trauma or something bc i feel#Others have had it much worse. But i also dont know what else to call my childhood experience like... I was definitely constantly terrified#Never felt at ease or safe at home or at school... My mom was my safe space but she still couldnt protect me#Or rather she didn't see or understand i needed it? I dont think she thought it was as bad as i felt it was. Bc i never said what they said#Or did. I just cried... So she probably just thought they did some lighthearted teasing and i was a sensetive child#But uh... Instead i was hit and was put in unsafe situations bc they told me to do things. And the constant shit i was told#Hearing i was a fat ugly idiot who could not do anything right and i was basically a waste of space... Since i was 4 yrs old... I uh#I thought that was a fact. I still believe thats true. Yeah no i... /:#Negative
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When did you get pretty?
Keigo x Younger!f!reader
Pt.1//Pt.2
slight smut warning, nothing too serious.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
synopsis: you are a UA graduate who just turned 19. Youve known Hawks since he was 20. After 2 years, youre starting to feel differently about the older boy who always seems to conveniently be around you. ◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦
”You know that I dont think your ideas are stupid!” “Well then how come my fifth idea has been rejected this year!”
youre going back and forth with your boss, well friend who happens to be your boss, Hawks. youve been at his hero agency since you were 17, when he personally invited you to do a work study under him, only to find out he really just wanted to slack off all day and use you for your ideas.
“Keigo, come on dude. You can totally just tell them to listen to me and to trust me! Honestly i dont understand why you dont come to these pitch meetings with me, you know they wont listen to me!”
“Y/n, i cant go because i dont want to!” “Gah you are such a smartass, honestly im not doing this anymore!”
you get up from your seat across from the witty blond infront of you, sending a pointed and stern look his way.
You had just had yet another unsuccessful meeting with his investors, they didnt trust a 19 year old girl could come up with actually successful business plans. Keigo knew this, but he didnt really care.
“What? Youre not quitting on me, are you?” His eyes grew worried as well as the rest of his face. With an obvious sigh you tell him no. “Im relieved. I love you too much to lose you!”
a strong heat spreads across your body, starting in your cheeks. You werent unfamiliar with the cutesy words he spoke, but that doesnt mean they dont affect you. In fact, they more than affect you. Youve been harboring a dark, dark secret for over 2 years now. ever since you were 16 you had the biggest crush on pro hero Hawks. You even had posters in your room as if he were a member from some boyband. He was only a few years older than you too, so it wasnt unreasonable to like him. “Yeah yeah, i know im so perfect and amazing, who wouldnt?” You shoot a witty and sly smile his way. You normally just counter act any romantic feelings and thoughts with a sassy remark.
“Yeah, i know, i know,” he trails off, looking back up to you he opens his mouth again “But on that topic! Theres this hero-party-but actually work-gala happening tomorrow and i figured it would be a good opportunity for you to mingle with the rest of the pro hero world so i put you down as my plus one.”
You roll your eyes at the lack of respect for your own personal schedule. “Were you even going to check that i didnt have anything going on?” You grumbled out to him. “Uhm, no because i know you dont. You never do. Im your only friend really.” “Well first off, youre not my only friend, second off, i did have plans this weekend but no dont worry, ill cancel them for you, again.” “Again?” The winged man quickly looks at you. “Yeah this is like the fourth time I’ve cancelled on my friend” you already had your phone out typing away on your keyboard. “Wait really? Im so sorry, you dont have to come!” Hes giving you sad eyes, you know he doesnt really mean that. with another loud sigh and eye roll you look at him, “Keigo, its fine, id much rather spend a weekend with you meeting pros than go shopping and see some lame ass movie, if i had an issue id tell you.”
keigo hadnt even thought about the possibility that you still had a life outside of the hero agency, or him really, the more he thought about it, he realized there probably hadnt been a full 24 hours where you hadnt been with him since you graduated almost a year ago.
He was in a fight? You were there helping him. He needed help with extra paperwork? You were there, at the opposite side of his desk doing paperwork with him silently. Hes in the shower? You’re in the bathroom chatting his ear off about some stupid internet drama. He needs help grocery shopping? You’re writing the list for him. Anything he needs, you do. He didnt really take time to appreciate you at all now that he thinks about it.
“Listen, i know you do a lot for me, and i just wanted to say thank you.” Hes looking away from you now with a hand on the back of his neck, his whole demeanor has changed.
“Dude, honestly its fine, you dont have to thank me, i like being with you. Honestly you are my best friend.” You also were looking away from him, down at the boots for your hero costume.
“Youre mine too.” you look up to see him now giving you a soft smile.
“So about this, what did you say it was?” “gala”
“yeah yeah, what do i wear?” “i dont know something nice? You know its a fancy event, suit n tie for me type thing.” “ah i see, i see, uhm ok yeah thatll work” youre in your head mumbling to yourself about it at this point. “Okay….” He drags out the word obviously to drag you back into the present. “Ok well im going home now!” You hurriedly grab your bags and make a break for it, if you stay any longer you wont be able to get home to clean up and get ready for tomorrow.
══✿══╡°˖✧✿✧˖°╞══✿══
its 6:30 on the dot when you get a call.
“yello?” You say quickly
“hey, im uh, here.” A quiet voice says. “You said 7! What the hell keigo!?!” “yeah yeah just let me up”
You buzz him up to your small, but homey, apartment.
as you hear him knock on your front door you slide your dress up your body holding onto the top as it has yet to be zipped.
You answer the door to see your best friend standing there in a very nice, expensive looking suit. He looked great.
“hey! Come in, its small but it does what its supposed to do!” You say motioning him inside with your free arm.
Keigo realized he had never been to your place, yet you were constantly at his. Like constantly. Honestly he had never even thought about you having your own. You always slept on his couch. He didnt mind though. It was nice not feeling so alone all the time. He liked having you in his life, you treated him normally.
his eyes did a scan over your place
“its cute. Its super you.” He said now looking back at you. He had never seen you soooo… done up? You were honestly such a different person outside of your hero costume, or even your messy buns and large baggy clothes that you always wore at his place. (They had a found a home in a spare drawer in his dresser.)
“Anyways theres only a few things i have left then I’ll be ready,” you had broken the moment of silence, and his intense stare on you. “Can you help me zip this? I thought i could get it on my own but i cant.” you now had your back turned towards him, shutting the door as you did. He hitched his breath, he hadnt ever seen you like this, you were so… calm? And collected? You always seemed so stressed, but he now came to the conclusion that was because of work and his lack of energy for said job.
“sure, yeah.” He said as he stepped towards you to zip your dress. He took you in, in all your glory. You looked so different than normal. Your hair was curled to one side, makeup was light but had the perfect amount of shine, and your dress, well your body looked stunning. How come he had never noticed you like this before?
Your hero costume was tip-toeing the line of scandalous, he knew because he had seen the headlines when he first debuted you at his agency, but he honestly didnt care because he didnt think it really mattered.
But now, here you are in a strapless dress, with a dropped neckline, the fabric is hugging your waist and hips perfectly, the color made your eyes pop and was perfect on you. You looked elegant. So grown up compared to the restless 17 year old he first met.
You had thought the same about him the past few years, he had been turning out to be quite a decent man, he was no longer the hot-shot teen hero you once fangirled over, but the handsome and charismatic man you had grown to be friends with.
turning back towards him you dismissed yourself to finish getting ready in your bathroom.
He now had time to look around your tiny apartment. He walked around looking at all your knick-nacks in the living room until he caught a glimpse of your bedroom door open roughly 10 feet away from where he was standing.
he shouldnt. hes going to anyways.
he made his way to the door peeking inside, it was what he expected, a few clothes scattered on your floor but other than that it was clean. he was scanning your walls when he noticed a very familiar, yet very haunting photo on your wall.
it was a poster he did when he was 17 and freshly debuted in the prohero world. How long had you had this? Have you even been a fan of him for that long?
his thoughts rushed around his head for a brief moment until a devious one creeped up in his head.
you were putting your earrings in, finishing up the last few little things you needed before leaving, when you caught a glimpse of the red wings you became so familiar with at the doorway. You looked over to see Keigo standing there with a mischievous look on his face.
“Uhm, do you need something?” You raised a brow at him. “How long have you loved me? Be honest? Was it when i did my first magazine shoot for that teen magazine?” oh no. He did not seriously look in your room. of course he did. You know him. “DID YOU SERIOUSLY LOOK IN MY ROOM WHAT ARE YOU A PERVERT?”
His face dropped. Oh my god was he really a pervert? “NO I SWEAR, YOUR DOOR WAS OPEN AND I WAS JUST CURIOUS!” “Ugh you are such a brat Keigo! Seriously! Why would you go snooping in a 19 year old girls room! Youre such a douche!” Hes known you long enough to know youre messing with him but you are obviously a bit upset.
“Look, i couldnt help myself i just peeked in and saw that poster! Its cute that you have that is all!” “Honestly, why do you think i was so excited to join your agency? I was obviously a fan.” Another smirk graces his face. “You said ‘was’ sooo are you still or now you know me and think im the worst?” you give him a dirty look and shove past him with a sarcastic huff towards your bedroom. “The ladder!” You sass out to him. He chuckles and makes his way back towards your living room.
A few moments later you emerge from your room and motion for him to head out the front.
───✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰ ───
Its been a long night, youve talked to so many people youve lost track, youre a bit more than tipsy from stealing the ends of keigos drinks all night.
Keigos drunk and has been consistently introducing you to new people as “The future hottest hero of the year!” Or “His right hand lady, y/n”
You two have finally found a moment of peace as you had forced him to sit down a table towards the back of the venue. You lean over to him resting your hand on his knee for balance. “Keigo,” he leans his head towards you and give you a ‘hum’ of acknowledgment, “Im ready to go home.” This brings the man to fully look at you. “Yeah, ok, me too.”
Hes looking at you in the dim lighting of the room, how could he not have ever noticed the way your eyes glitter all the time? Or the softness of your features, they look so good together. He fumbled with his phone and called for his car so you guys could leave.
“Alright lets get going.” He says, standing up wobbling a bit before reaching a hand out to you. You grab it and also stumble a bit when you stand up. before you walk away you lean up to him and whisper in his ear,
“Ive been stealing a bit of your drinks tonight…dont be mad at me, s’wear didnt mean to get like this…” your words are ever so slightly slurred together.
He looks at you and whispers back
“Its ok, i know you have.” a moment of silence goes by before you both start giggling about the situation. after a moment of giggling you decided it was time to make your way down to the car. Pulling the blond behind you, you finally make your exit.
❝ ❞ ✧ ೃ༄
In the car the driver asks Keigo where to go, he looks at you and you look at him and shrug.
“Back to y/n’s place i think. Ill stay there tonight so you can het home finally!” He gives the driver a big close eyed smile. “Of course sir.” and with that you make your way back to your tiny apartment.”
★。\|/。★
Youre finally back in your own place after a few minutes of struggling with your keys at the door, it didnt help you had Keigo standing over your shoulder making jokes causing you guys to laugh every 20 seconds.
“UGH! FINALLY!” You say kicking off your heels and locking your front door. “Did you not have fun or something?” Keigo asks, hes already shed his coat and loosened his tie from around his neck. Damn did he look good.
You look back up at him and can feel the blush creep up your face. “Yeah, I did, i like being your plus one, we should do it more often.” You blurt out, not really realizing what you said for a quick beat. “I mean like you know, youre my best friend and were always together, so nothing weird, haha….” that was not confident of you at all. Way to go y/n.
Hes staring at you, your hair is slightly messy, lips are plumped up from the alcohol, makeup is messy, and keigo feels like a predator almost. a desire is stirring inside him. this is bad. Very very bad. Keigos staring at you. Its different than any stare youve felt before from anyone. You feel something stirring inside you. Something bad, very very bad.
“Keigo, uhm look, I like you. And have for a while.” Words are falling out of your mouth faster than you can stop them.
“Y/n, i dont know, what will people think? Youre my trainee.” Hes giving you a serious look, youve never seen him more serious than this (other than when youre fighting villains of course).
you deflate in on yourself and your heart drops. what did you just do.
“but…,” he speaks again “When have i ever cared what people think.”
A few moments go by and suddenly youre grabbing his face and pulling him into yours.
*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*
Your dress is long gone, lost somewhere in your apartment, youll worry about it tomorrow, keigos clothes are littering your floor, mixing with the ones that have already been there of yours. your on his lap on your bed kissing him.
how did you get here?
oh yeah, you were kissing him in the living room then he was pulling your dress off and you were pulling him towards your room. And now youre here.
you stop and look at him, holding his face. “Do you want this? Or are you drunk?” Youre looking into his eyes and studying deeply, you need to know before you make your next move.
“Yes, please, ive never wanted anything more than this right now.” Hes shaking his head, hes begging for you.
“yeah me too.,” youre back to kissing him this time moving your hips since hes perched his hands on them and begun moving you.
theres 2 layers between the two of you. Your underwear, and his. this is it. Everything youve ever wanted is happening right now. The Hawks, is sitting under you begging to have you.
A call suddenly breaks the heavy silence of the room. you know that ringtone. Its the ‘emergency’ ringtone you suggested he set so he never missed one.
you quickly get up snatching his phone out of his pocket and handing it to him.
a few minutes go by with his occasional ‘mhms’
eventually he ends the call. “Yeah, just call me if you need back up.” He turns back at you and begins apologizing, over and over.
Youre telling him its ok and you understand. That youre just happy he doesnt have to go yet.
“Im just happy youre still here Keigo.” “Yeah but i totally just ruined the vibe.” “I dont care, just wanna hangout with you.” “ok, promise youre not mad?” “Yes, i promise im not mad.”
Keigo then hands you a shirt off your floor and puts his button up on over his shoulders, hes too lazy to button it.
“So uh, wanna order a pizza? That food earlier sucked.” He says pointing his thumb back behind him. “yeah, im down.” You say getting up to grab your phone.
pt 2
#mha x reader#mha smut#keigo takami#mha takami keigo#mha hawks#hawks x reader#hawks#hawks smut#x reader#haikyuu#bakugo#mha#haikyuu x reader#denki kaminari x reader#dabi mha
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Can I request headcanons for ZZZ Anton, Ben, Wise, and Lycaon being stuck in close proximity with his GN crush please?
♡﹒﹒ 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 !
𝅄; synopsis: HC , getting a little too close for comfort ft Anton, Ben, Wise and Von Lycaon
𝅄; warnings: none! , fluff, flirting , humor , GN! Reader
𝅄; a/n: ill be answering my requests more frequently now! if you sent a request earlier don’t worry i will be posting those soon as well! also i dont know much about Anton so sorry if hes a bit ooc! not proofread
You and Anton were pretty close friends at this point and often would run errands together for Koleda or Grace, today was just one of those days. You were taking spare parts to another company , Anton accompanied you of course. You made it to the first floor of the large building, the elevator was just a bit too small for the two of you especially due to his rather muscular build. It was a bit of tight squeeze up almost 13 floors..
the damn elevator was so cramped you swore you could feel the rise and fall of Antons chest with how close you were to him, how on EARTH was this thing certified? “Kinda..cramped in here isn’t it?” Anton spoke quietly, you were in close proximity after all. You looked up at him the best you could, but you could only laugh.. “What’s so funny—eh..” Anton looked down at you, your pretty eyes stared up at his and that’s when he realized just how close you two were, how his height compared to yours and just how pretty you looked from this angle.. so much so that he didn’t even hear you.
“Anton—Anton??” You called out to him, confused as to why he was just..looking at you? Anton snapped out of his trance and laughed awkwardly “WOW this elevator is slow isn’t it—doesn’t even feel like we’re goin anywhere” Surely he played that off cool enough. You snicker- “Anton I was telling you to push the button.. we haven’t moved.” Anton almost choked on his breath, turning to the array of buttons to see that he in fact.. did not push the button to the 13th floor..and you hadn’t been moving this whole time.
“I..I knew that.” He pushed the button to finally get you guys going, you could only smile at his cute demeanor..
“Course you did.”
Ben probably has saved your life in the Hollows more than once at this point, he was intimidating and sometimes just his presence alone would scare off anyone bothering you, you truly felt comfortable and happy around him more than anyone..though you didn’t actually know his underlying feelings for you just yet. Unlike everyone else.. So when you get sent off on “special” requests for Koleda- you never question her knowing smirk.
you and Ben just left on another small “mission” for Koleda, just to retrieve some item from the Hollow? You didnt fully understand what she needed, or why she needed you two to go alone specifically- but you never questioned her judgement ! Ben was pretty much your guard…bear? while you searched around the Hollow in search for the missing item. Ben just honestly loved seeing you run around freely with no problems, of course you could fend for yourself but..nothing made him feel better than knowing that he was your protector and you relied on him for that.
“Ben! Think I found something here- down there!” You called to him as you leaned over the bar overhead a pretty dastardly fall- Ben walked over to you, worried that you may fall over.. “Careful there y/n…” He said softly as he stood behind you, and boy was his intuition right. Almost as soon as he said that you could feel yourself lose balance and almost fall down , if it wasn’t for large arms immediately grabbing you and pulling you back, down with him..
“Are you okay?! You had me nervous there you know—“ Ben panicked , his eyes finally opening to you sitting almost completely on his lap, fixing your hair from the tumble..you were so cute, you looked..perfect. “Ah—sorry Ben I got too excited again didnt I” You chuckle and make eye contact with him. The position you were in.. his arms still protectively around your waist and your hands on his chest. You both didnt speak, but after a few seconds you finally see it..
“…Thirens can blush?” You tease, his cheeks in fact had a pinkish red tint to them , you found it adorable.. in fact, you found A LOT about the bear pretty cute for someone so intimidating and strong.. “Well don’t just sit and stare..lets hurry up so we can get home and maybe test that theory?” You stand on your own feet now, and before Ben could..he swore his cheeks burned harder.
Wise loved having you around when he and Belle did any proxy duties, you were not only great help around the store but you also hung out with the two of them as a close friend. On days when the two weren’t busy with commissions you usually would help out with whatever they needed- and occasionally go out with Belle or Wise when they needed to drop things off or maybe pick some things up. Today you went to the video store with Wise to pick up some new dvd’s for the store, the manager told you two about a few great movies they had in stock but unfortunately couldn’t reach, that was no problem for you two! It was just down the dark and creepy basement..
You and Wise crept down the dark room, only a flashlight in hand. Wise walked beside you , he laughed a bit at your nervousness- he found it adorable how at every creak you would slightly jump back. It wasn’t a hard search , just not a preferable one. “Wiseee come on.. its cold and creepy down here” You groaned as you held the light up for him as he searched through crates. “Yeah dont worry.. just hold it still okay?” He said back, holding back his grin.You swore he was moving slow on purpose , you almost completely lost it and ran back upstairs- the creepy factor increased with every passing second..
Wise was just about to turn with the few movies he found when he heard you shriek- he could barely react when you practically leapt into him! You surely weren’t thinking clearly and Wise was the only warm body around so.. to no surprise you went to him when you heard something fall behind you. You didn’t open your eyes until you felt his arms wrap around you, you looked up at him as you realize what just happened.. and there was that shit eating grin on his face, “Well if you wanted me to hold you..you could’ve just asked” He teased, his smirk turning to a fond smile as he felt you relax slightly in his arms. “Just—get the movies and lets go..” You mumble as you pull away , he nodded at you and took your hand this time, so you “wouldn’t get scared again”.
Victoria Housekeeping was like a second family to you at this point, you weren’t a maid/butler at all but that didnt stop you from occasionally running with them into Hollows when they time needed, and this was one of those times. Luckily when you all split up to escape a rather large and dangerous crowd of ethereals , you ran with Von Lycaon.. the tall handsome wolf thiren. You knew with him by your side, you wouldn’t have to worry much.
“This way- quickly now.” He called to you as you both ran around the corner of what was like an abandoned school building, with Lycaon quick movement and sharp turns it was hard to keep up. He noticed this and decided it would be best for you two to hide. He grabbed your arm and pulled you into a supply closet nearby, though it ws quick thinking..he didnt take into account that it would be a rathe small and tight fit. You were quickly pressed against his chest as his arms came up above you to make at least some room..
“A-Apologies .. this is a rather odd position” He said calmly but the way he avoided eye contact made you think twice.. you and Lycaon had some small moments here and there that would be labeled as harmless flirting , but this felt different. “Im enjoying the view” You were quick to reply, your laugh caused the wolf to scoff a bit “Focus..” He mumbled .. but you could feel his tail increase in speed just a little after that comment..
#smut writer#von lycaon#anton zzz#ben bigger#wise zzz#zzz lycaon#zzz ben#zzz x reader#zzz#zzzero#zzz fanfic#zzz headcanons#zenless zone zero x reader#zenless zone zero#zenless zone zero lycaon#requests open#𖦹⠀⠀ ˖ haywires ! ~
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“what the fuck do you two think youre doing?”
shit, you think, you didnt notice the balcony door had been slid open until you heard the voice of one of your brothers. you start to pull away from suna’s lips which earns you a small whine from his end, his grip tightens around you and honestly it its quite cute the way he is trying so hard to savour the moment. “come back later, we’re kinda busy.” the boy mutters before trying to move your face away from the distraction so that he can kiss you once more.
“suna you get your hands off of her right now, i dont give a fuck that its your birthday.” osamu pipes up, he looks furious and a little bit disgusted, if it hadnt been for the situation youre in right now you would think its kind of funny.
“samu lay off him, it was a mutual agreement, im just as guilty as he is ok?” that does not seem to help the boys understand, if anything they seem even more angry with you both.
“what the fuck do you mean it was a mutual agreement? are you two hooking up or something? yn he just turned 18 a few hours ago are you forgetting that?” atsumu says, he is rambling on with every excuse he can think of as to why this is “so wrong”, from the corner of your eye you can see suna trying so very hard to hide the grin that is creeping its way onto his face, his hands still all over you despite the fact that you arent alone anymore.
“listen, it was his birthday wish ok? i swear it didn’t mean anything,” sunas grip begins to loosen ever so slightly, “i just though it would get him off my back and get him over his little crush on me.” suna’s facial expression shifts but you choose to ignore it, you have bigger problems to deal with at the moment.
“no this is not ok, how would you feel if me or samu kissed one of your friends because it was their birthday wish?”
“that’s different, why would my friends want to kiss either of you?”
“excuse me? ill have you know that many women want to kiss me! and dont think youre getting off the hook either suna, ill make sure you never-“ you dont even want to hear the threat that is about to come out of his mouth, you just want to get out of this shitty situation.
“boys please, just give us five minutes to talk and then we will be back inside ok? i promise.” your efforts to plead with your brothers finally work.
“…fine,” atsumu mumbles, “but this better be a one time thing. im not gonna deal with you two being all lovey dovey around me.” and with that he lightly tugs on osamu’s sleeve, signalling him to walk back inside and continue the party. he closes the balcony door but not before bringing two fingers up to his eyes and then pointing them at the two of you. its a warning.
you turn back to suna and notice the sad look on his face - he looks kinda cute like this, “so, what do-“.
“did you really mean what you just said to them?” the poor boy looks heartbroken, after waiting three years to finally have a chance with the girl he loves wants the moment is ruined like that? “did you actually just do that so i would leave you alone?” his hands fully leave your body now and he takes a step back to put some distance between you two.
“well i mean sort of yeah… ive never looked at you in any way other than my brothers best friend if im going to be honest, i dont know if thats because of the age difference or what but ive never thought we could be anything.” the look of hurt is prominent on his face no matter how hard he tries to hide it, normally playful banter would have been thrown back and forth between the two of you but rintarou just stays silent, an indication that youve fucked up.
“listen suna i dont know what you want me to say, i wasnt really thinking when i said that to atsumu it just came out. i am 4 years older than you and many people would not approve of us if i decided to give you a chance.”
“who cares? i could treat you so right if you would just let me. i have waited entirely too long for this moment, all im asking for is one date.”
“you said that about the kiss too, one thing is never enough with you is it? you always need more.” a playful smile creeps onto your face which is outshined by the one on sunas, he knows that your smile means that you agree to go on a date with him.
“i really hope you arent fucking with me right now, that would be so cruel, especially on my birthday.”
“oh give the birthday excuse a rest now will you? you dont need to keep on at me you have already got what you want.”
“mhm i absolutely have,” he walks closer and once again wraps his arms around you, placing a hand under your jawbone to make you look up at him, “and i couldnt be happier.” he states as he pulls you in for a passionate kiss once more <3
#ignore it took me over a year to post part two please and thanks#haikyuu#hq x you#haikyuu!!#hq imagines#lav.posts♡#haikyuu suna#suna x reader#suna rintaro#haikyuu x reader#hq suna#suna rintarō#suna rintaro x you#haikyuu imagines#suna x you#haikyuu fluff#suna rintaro haikyuu#suna rintaro imagine#suna rintaro x reader#suna fluff#suna rintarou#suna x y/n#suna rintarou fluff#suna rintaro x y/n#suna rintaro fluff#suna rinatro#suna headcanons#suna hcs#suna rintaro fic#haikyuu drabbles
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Timebomb fics rec
A lot of timebomb fics are hiding through a lot of CaitVi/JayVik tagged works on ao3 (while many are also CV orJV centric) so i made this rec post for everyone who dont want to spent 1 hour scrolling or missing some of them bc you're filtering other ships!! (sorry for the short summaries/ i didnt write my thoughts as thoughtfully as i would have liked because.yk.time and all. update chapter count/add of new fics every week)
AU/crossovers fics
Je t'aime (Je t'attends) 3 chapter, WIP.
Hunger games x Timebomb/Arcane, the way the system of the games from the og novels are mixed in the Arcane universe is really masterful, the writer dont lose too much time explaining it but you understand the dynamics of the 2 cities and the characters perfectly anyway.
Where would you be now ? by enaven 5/6 chapters, WIP.
family/modern AU, timebomb feels, Ekko and Jinx are Isha's parents, CaitVi are just silly aunts and i'll never stop recommending this fic
you're the best thing to ever happen to me (but also the worst thing to ever happen to me) by grey_toiletpaper ( @greytoiletpaper ) 3/8 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Timebomb inspired by 10 things i hate about you.
We Moved Into a Real House (a Wild Field Behind it) by smokesatellite 3/10 chapters. WIP. Rated T.
Modern AU, Timebomb roommates/friends to lovers, Isha is a foster kid...you know where this is going .. (Ekko as a nurse is not something i expected but its surprisingly good. Also the in law feud between Jinx and Cait is very funny)
s1 fics
Silco is less of an asshole
The Heart of Zaun by 1ts_Br1tney_B1tch 8/ chapters. WIP.
or: Silco try to rally the Firelights to his cause (in this case, Zaun - he's much more involved in doing better for his city than in the show) but of course they're bound to have some..tension between them, since they hate him - and Shimmer. (it has the good parent Silco tag so i'd say that all in all, this Silco is a little less...Silco than in Arcane, but manage to keep some of the bite he has in canon...) i only read 2 chapters, and what i can say is that it does a good job with the general cast, the interactions between Silco/Ekko-Firelights are believable, i think the one thing that could have weird me out is the way Silco is said to be 'proud' of the Firelights in the summary (for me 'pride' is something he'd reserve for Jinx yk?? anyway i stop the rambling) . The Timebomb relationship has more or less the same push and pull as in the show, with Ekko thinking about the girl Jinx used to be/ Ekko being a link to the past before Jinx and all that entail...so yeah, i'm loving it!
Powder doesnt become Jinx
The Alpha Command by typewriter_in_galaxy 13 chapters. WIP. Rated E.
ABO/Reverse AU where Powder doesnt become Jinx and is raised by Viktor, Ekko is taken in by Silco. btw i dont read a lot of abo fic (im very nickpick) but this one does every characters justice, and actually dwelve in depth in the abo universe.. (everything by typewriter is good to be honest, but my favorite thing is how they write Powder, who even when she doesnt become Jinx, is still shaped by a very violent world/trauma and it shows through her mental health issues and very, very low self worth/need to prove herself. )
everything's better with a friend by typerwriter_in_galaxy 7chapters. Completed. Rated E.
Timebomb centric rewrite of Arcane, Jinx is Powder, she doesnt fall under Silco's hand (or in his arms precisely), Ekko is Ekko, and 1, i need to hug Powder, 2 she deserves the world and 3 the characterization of everyone, everyone is so brillantly written and the timebomb relationship (damn even the CaitVi one too) oh, the timebomb of it all... they feel so, so real and it hurts, Powder's insecurities, her mental illness, her guilt, her need to prove herself but in same time she doesnt feel herself worth of anything (or anyone) good... just.read it. read it, because i just did, after like 2 years of not doing that and. im like mad bc why didnt i??? but in same time so grateful to just discover it now, taking my sweet little time reading it; it rewinded my brain its amazing, (like this work in another fandom, the first time i read this rebelcaptain's fic A Love song by skitzofreak - did i just linked it for you to read even tho its a timebomb rec post??? yes. yes i did. thats how much i love, adore, worship this one guys - so everything's better made me think a lot of this TB fic, and also of RC (the abandonment issues, thinking that you have to leave first before everyone leave you, Jyn and Powder damn).
Shattered Web by Firewolf2132 1 chapter. WIP. Rated M.
you know how everyone make the comparaison between Ekko and Miles?? well, the author found a way for Ekko transform into a spiderman that feels right in the arcane verse (end of act1) and damn its so good. Ekko slowly morphing and gaining his powers while everyone still have some focus on them (mostly Powder), but it still manages to keep the suspense of the fate of other characters. fabulous. author note: [I have seen so many comparisons between Ekko and Miles and a lot of fanart. So it felt that I had to do this. I can't promise future chapters right now (busy), but I am eager to see if this inspires any stories with a similar premise.]
S2 fanfics
fics covering Timebomb moments between ep 8 Ekko saving her /they painted each other and ep9
Go Back For Her by A_Lily_In_The_Moonlight 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated E.
Ekko's pov -i only read 1 chapter - we see his thought's process on his relationship with Powder AU/ Jinx, and how he came to the conclusion he must go back to her. the moment where he help Jinx with his Z-drive comes a little differently than in ep8 (well, the aftermath) aaand another fic where Jinx's grief over Isha's death shatters me, the pain and the self loathing/blaming from Jinx really devastating.
I dont believe in God, but i believe you're my savior by mquesterminds One shot. Rated T
[summary: every time Ekko has to rewind time to stop Jinx it cuts to a different moment from throughout their love story because I'm allergic to happiness the moments covering their shared past really make their present 10 times sadder.]
I'm sure we're taller in another dimension by hallwayheart One shot. Rated M. i have nothing to say because i'm still processing what i just read.ty.
Fires That Were Set by ilophilia ( @ilophilia on tumblr) 1 chapter. WIP.
the conversation after Ekko helped Jinx in episode 8. Loved the banter, the emotions (the grief is there and its important to feel it but damn i want to hug them so bad). They tell each other what happened when Ekko was gone, and you feel the distance/the closeness, near intimacy building again and its beautiful..
Hope is a winged beast by Grey_ Unicorn 4 chapters. WIP. Rated E.
prepare you tissues because i was myself not ready for chapter 3 and the emotional wreck of Jinx processing her grief. but here we are.
fics from AU Powder pov/exchange between Jinx and AU Powder
what we left behind by re_dragon_rising 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated T.
Powder traverses to the og arcane universe 1 year after Ekko's visit. (the insight into her life after Ekko leaves is wholesome and also give the reader a glimpse of the Mylo/Claggor/Powder siblings dynamics + the impact of Vi's death on them. really great. a little sad too.)
The other Ekko by GrammarThyEnemy Oneshot. General audience.
Powder knows this Ekko is not her Ekko.
memento vivere by fuwaaa 1/2. WIP. General audience.
covering the AU episode, Powder knows something's up with Ekko.
See Ya On The Other Side by moth_dust 3/5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Powder also travel to the og universe.
these forgotten faces by whippindippin ( @whippindippin on tumblr too!) 6 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Jinx and Powder body swap and its both the worst and best thing that could ever happen to either of them. great reading and their reaction on point.
Isha is alive
Astrantia by AelinCreativ ( @aelincreativ they're on tumblr too!) 5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
canon divergence where Ekko saves Isha. a lot of angst. but also a lot of happiness. so we can cry while smiling along with them. great. ty author!!
Ankle-Biter by darkfire1220 8/9 chapters, WIP. Rated M.
Isha is Jinx's biological daughter, Silco is a not so bad (grand) father, and their mother/daughter bond is one a the greatest thing ever. (very slowburn timebomb). Also Vi. i love you Vi.
post s2
we made our peace with weariness (and let it be) by The_FlamingTiger 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated M.
Ekko and Jinx reconnect in Bilgewater..(and Jinx goes to therapy. that too. its nice)
I don't believe in God (But I believe that you're my savior) by yeonatsu Oneshot, general audience.
Ekko is mourning.
this hunger for love won’t disappear by Amuria Oneshot, rated T.
Months after the battle for Piltover, Ekko begins to dream of Powder. He thinks it’s his grief playing tricks on him. She has different theory.
Francesca (Do You Think I'd Give Up?) by PoetProlific 2 chapters. WIP.
Ekko tries searching for Jinx...(with the help of Caitlyn, yep. and its well done, because I think Cait would help, for Vi. And i love how Ekko-Cait's dynamics might evolve because of this..)
So I met him there and told him I believe by ijustwanttoreadinpeace 3 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Jinx begins a new life in Bilgewater but is forced to come back... (edit: be warned, this is now an orphan account so idk if there will be more chapters.)
all the 6 timebomb one shot by atabex (the other fics are not timebomb) they're all rated E and oh boy is it worth it. most of these oneshot are gut wrenching and do smut + characters so well... the most recent one is just Ekko and AU Powder ahem doing the boombayah on the rooftop, but yk, with bits of sad and tragedy here and there.
i'm a little ashamed i'm only adding it now but every TB os fics by @shroomystar is 🤌 nothing else to add because each one of them are good. so. (if you want the explicit one-shots it's here and if you prefer without, it's here )
#timebomb#YEAH#finally after 3000 years of saying i will do a fic rec post for one of my otp i fucking did it#ekko x jinx#jinx x ekko#ekkojinx#arcanes2
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