#I COULD FUCK UP PEOPLES PAY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUCK IM DOING

[nico-di-genova]

.

[silverstonesainz]

hi!! could i request "i'm in love with you, you dumbass." & "i've been following you around like a lost puppy since the day we met, yet you couldn't see?" with Max? thank you!

not enough 𐙚 all the words, all the love– it's still not enough (1.4k words)

d rambles. . . im sorry this took forever and that it kinda sucks. i did what i could. thank u for requesting

The room feels stuffy. Twenty minutes ago you were shivering but now you’re hot. The whole room pays no mind to your discomfort, you’re sure no one even has a clue how uncomfortable you feel in your own skin. You try to find the will to stay, to tough out the next hour or so for him. But the longer you stand in a crowd of people who you could care less about being here. It was no fun watching Max flirt with another girl at the bar anyways, and the more you stand and stare the more your will withers away. 

It’s stretched thin, a rubber band being pulled well beyond its means. You’re holding one and Max has the other. He pulls and pulls and—

Max leans in. He leans down so close you can only imagine the lucky girl can smell his after shave and feel his warm breath tickle her skin. And he makes her laugh. 

Snap.

You inhale sharply, balling the fabric of your dress to calm your nerves. You don’t bother to excuse yourself from the conversation you were stood in, just squeeze past bodies and through the room in search for just a bit for fresh air because you can’t fucking breathe. 

The double glass doors take you out onto the bustling street and straight into the cold wind. You welcome the kiss of cold air against your skin, the shiver it sends down on your spine. You welcome the brief distraction because at least for the next few seconds you don’t have to feel your chest caving in. At least for now, even with people rushing by you with people to see and places to go, you are happy in your solitude. Misery and loneliness cannot find you in these five seconds, you are untouchable. 

But it was merely just a moment, nothing less and nothing more. It’s fleeting, quick to slip from you. You’re pulled back down to earth when you hear your name called behind you, confused, waiting for an answer to an unasked question. You squeeze your eyes, ball your fist at your sides and find it in you to pretend like you’re alight. Breathe in, breathe out.

There you are, Max sounds relieved when he says it. “Why’d you leave?”

“Felt stuffy,” You admit curtly, still refusing to look at him. “Couldn’t breathe.” 

Your tone does not fly by Max, and you miss the way he frowns at the back of your head because of it. But he’s Max, ever hopeful and ever oblivious. “Well come back, they’re about to make an announcement.” 

Tension falls from your palm as you flex your fingers back. You inhale sharply, letting cool air fill your lungs and creep under your skin. “I think I might just go.” 

Max’s footsteps pit-pat around you, feel his hand hold onto your elbow gently as he takes a look at you. He tries to find a sliver of emotion, a tell of why you suddenly want to leave. But all he finds is exhaustion, a dead-pan look that leaves him without a clue. 

“You’re mad.” He shifts on his feet, says it like he knows because he just does. Of course he does. He steps out so he’s directly in front of you, head tilted so he can get a better look at your face. “You’re mad at me?” 

You turn away. “I’m not mad at you.” 

You’re mad at him. You’re mad he can’t see you, mad that he doesn’t want you. You are mad, but you don’t have a right to be. You’re upset and aching in your chest all over a boy who has no fucking clue. You’re mad. You’re mostly mad at yourself, for letting your feelings grow as much as they did, to allow your heart to dictate the way you move around him. 

“But you’re mad. Why?”

You groan, head falling into your hands, “I don’t wanna talk about it, I just wanna go home.” 

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” Max tucks his index finger under your chin, forces your gaze up to his face. You resent the way he worries, resent the way his bright blue eyes are just filled with it, it almost makes you feel guilty for the way your chest aches. His finger feels hot against your skin, shoots sparks through every nerve ending and suddenly the cold air does nothing to keep you calm. 

You turn your head, yanking your chin away from him and take a few steps backwards as you search for the feeling of cold air, for the freedom of just being able to fucking breathe. You’re ashamed of the way your chest heaves, that you show just how weak he can make you with just one touch. Max asks what’s wrong, calls out your name with the same worry you saw in his eyes two seconds ago. It shouldn’t make your blood boil but it does. It fucking does. 

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” You beg, “Please stop. Please stop saying my name and asking what’s wrong because—“ The cold air finally catches you and grabs the words in your throat. You swallow, hard, pushing down every single thought and mistake that threatens to come out. “I just need space.” 

Max’s shoulder’s slump behind you, expression wounded and confused. “What’s your problem?”

It’s an honest question. It’s Max being Max— blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t spare your feelings, doesn’t tiptoe around your obviously fired state because why should he? He’s always been this way, and it was a trait that you’ve always found endearing. But in this moment, with smoke pouring out of your ears and your heart beating so hard it rattles your ribs, it was like turning up the stove on water that is already boiling. It’s just enough to break you, just enough for everything you’ve spent months trying to keep at bay to bubble over. 

“You!” Your fingers rake through your hair roughly, undoing the effort you put in to make it look nice. You were shaking, every bit of you searching for bit of release and all you had was the words on the tip of your tongue.

“Me?!” Max answers back, confused. “What did I do?!”

“You’re just…” The words begin to tumble out of you in an incoherent stutter. “I've been following you around like a lost puppy since the day we met, yet you couldn't see? You still don’t see…” 

You almost want to laugh at the way Max looks at you and how invisible you truly are. This was the moment it was supposed to click and yet he still doesn’t have a clue— like it’s almost unfathomable to him that you could ever want more than what you both share. 

“I’m in love with you,” Your voice shakes, “you dumbass.” 

Max’s brows furrow, eyes expectant. He’s waiting for the punchline, the part of the joke where you shove him back and say that you were only kidding. But you stand there, cold wind kissing your skin pink and the world just bustling by. Despite the people walking too and fro, despite the murmurs of conversation that are completely lost to you, the silence between the two of you was deafening.

You don’t know how long it is until the boy in front of you makes a move. You watch as he rubs his jaw, eyes cast past you as he searches for the right thing to say. The wind is knocked out of you as you watch Max try and fail to say something, anything. Instead you’re left to listen to the stammers and syllables of failed words. 

I’m sorry, is all he manages. 

He’s sorry that you’re upset. Sorry that you bore your heart out for him and all he had to show for was a stutter and stammer. He apologizes because he sees you, he sees all of you, and somehow you were not enough. Max says he loves you — because of course he loves you, you’re his best friend. He says that he appreciates you, that he can’t stand to lose you and he hopes that you would still want to stay even if he can’t love you that way. Max says all the right things, all the things that were meant to quell your aching heart. Instead it does the opposite. The words pluck at the pieces of your heart, shard by shard until you’re left with a hole in your chest in the shape of him. Max does everything right and yet, like you, it’s not enough. 

[turcott3]

come home

adam fantilli x fem! reader

warnings?: angst, light cursing, fluff on fluff, kissing, crying, did i mention fluff

masterlist

-

“hello?” you hear your boyfriend groan through the phone.

“oh, i just realized what time it was. did i wake you?” you ask biting your lip, fighting back your threatening tears.

“yeah.”

“i’m sorry.”

“no no it’s okay baby, is everything okay?” he asks sweetly, in sleepy tone.

“not really,,, just miss you.” you say, letting a tear slip.

“i know, i miss you too.” he replies.

“come home, please adam.” you say softly, voice cracking lightly.

“my flight is in the morning, i promise ill be at your doorstep as soon as i can okay?”

“okay.” you pause, leading to a few long moments of silence.

“baby i can’t sleep.” you finally admit.

“do you want me to stay on the phone with you?” he asks and you quickly reply with a yes.

“just go to sleep my love, i promise i’ll be home soon.” he says lowly, as soothingly as he can.

“okay goodnight adam.”

“g’night. i love you.”

“i love you too.” you reply, heart warming at finally hearing the sound of his voice. you hadn’t called him his entire trip, trying to give him his alone time with his family uninterrupted. even though he said you could call every evening. after a while of tossing and turning, just knowing adam was a word away was enough to send you off into slumber, before you know it, waking up to see adam still on the line.

“hello?” you grumble opening your eyes.

“morning y/n, our flight takes off soon, im glad you woke up because i was gonna have to hang up and i didn’t want you to wake up and i wasn’t there.”

“it’s okay babe, you could’ve hung up.” you say, eyes welling up.

“i just wanted to make sure you were okay.” he replies.

“i know.” you smile to yourself.

“okay i gotta turn my phone off, ill text you when we land.”

“okay, be safe adam.”

“always.” he replies before hanging up the line, texting you a simple red heart on imessage.

truth be told you just wanted adam home because you were struggling, just barely getting by. not making enough money, struggling in your summer class, and not being able to afford gas and groceries. you were overwhelmed. you hated that your parents were paying majority of your rent. you couldn’t believe this is what it’s come to. your roommates have no issue making money but when it came to you, you didn’t have a clue. you just wanted adam there so that all of those problems could disappear for a few hours. burying your stress temporarily so you could love on the one guy that has ever made you feel like you mattered.

you practically watched the hours tick by waiting for the text saying he’d landed. you knew tomorrow morning, or maybe tonight he’d be on the front step of your apartment and that held a little peace in your heart.

“i’ve entered this problem three different ways, what the fuck do you mean it’s not right still?” you yell angrily at your computer as you worked on your summer math class. every few minutes you flipped over your phone, waiting for “adam🤍” to be displayed on your lockscreen.

“fine you win.” you groan, slamming your laptop shut, a tear slipping from your eye. ever since you moved in, you felt insignificant. you weren’t a wimp, so you didn’t understand how people were still able to disrespect you. it almost felt purposeful, yet you didn’t know what you did to deserve it. tears pricked your eyes before streaming down your cheeks at a quick pace. you flipped your phone over and you finally saw the notification you had been waiting, a sigh of relief washing over your stressed body. you felt at ease for a moment knowing adam was a short drive away.

-

“hello.” you said quietly through the phone, sniffling your tears away.

“i’m on my way home, do you want me to come over tonight or tomorrow?”

“now. please.” you reply as your lip quivered.

“is everything okay hun? i’m worried about you.” he asks.

“no, but i don’t wanna talk about it over the phone.” you respond.

“i’ll be there as soon as i can, i promise.” he replies confidently.

“okay.” you sigh lightly.

“an hour tops.” he adds.

“i’ll see you soon adam.”

“very soon my love,” he replies, hanging up the phone. you sat on your couch staring into space an anxious and crying mess, waiting for his familiar knocks on your front door. you’d eventually stopped crying, the light taps coming just less than an hour after he promised.

“he-“ he starts and is cut off by you latching onto him.

“hi y/n.” he finishes, wrapping his arms snuggly around you, dropping his head into the crook of your neck. soon enough your cries returned, this time tears of relief mixed with your overwhelming sea of emotions.

“what’s wrong baby? what’s going on in that little mind of yours?” he asks gently, pulling away, keeping his hands on your waist.

“it’s everything. not our relationship of course but literally everything else.” you preface.

“okay,” he replies, urging you to continue.

“adam, i am struggling right now. with everything. i can barely afford to pay a portion of my rent because i don’t get paid enough and i don’t work enough hours. my parents are all but paying the entire thing. i can’t afford to get gas and groceries, i have to pick one or the other and even still the budget is so slim. my math class is kicking my ass. everything is just so stressful. and when you were gone i was all alone and didn’t know what to do.” you sob to him before he pulled you in for another hug.

“how long has this been going on angel? how long have you been letting your struggles build up?” he asks.

“at least a month.” you reply.

“why didn’t you tell me?” he coos, pulling away from you slightly.

“i didn’t wanna burden you. i didn’t think it would end up digging me a hole like this. i feel so stuck. i can’t even raise any kind of savings.”

“baby, nothing you could ever do would burden me. i’m here to help you, i’m here to catch you if you fall, i’m here to love you. i love you so much. i don’t ever wanna see you this torn up over anything.” he says softly, taking your face into his hands sweetly.

“i know, im sorry.”

“no don’t apologize, you’re struggling. i’m always here for you my love, i’ll take care of everything okay?” he says, looking deeper into your eyes than ever before.

“what do you mean?” you reply.

“the rent, the gas, the groceries. everything y/n. i’ll take care of it, i’ll take care of you. i’ll do whatever it takes to help you get on your feet. i don’t wanna see my girl struggling.” he finishes, running a gentle thumb over your cheek bone.

“i promise ill make it up to you.” you reply.

“no, you don’t need to do that. i’m doing this because i want to and because i love you, okay? it will make me feel better knowing that you’re completely taken care of and comfortable.”

“i love you.” you smile, adam kissing away the last few tears on your cheeks before finally pressing his lips to yours. the feeling of warmth spreading through your whole body. you missed his kisses and the way they made you feel like floating, butterflies flying through your stomach.

“since you’re paying can you at least….. move in with me?” you ask hesitantly after pulling away.

“if that’s what you want.” he replies.

“more than anything.” you smile back.

“there’s that gorgeous smile. god, i missed you so much.” he states, picking you up. your legs wrapped around him quickly, a giggle exiting your mouth.

“you can never leave again.” you stated as he sat down on the edge of your bed, your hips plopping in his lap.

“you’re coming with me next time baby, i wanna show you italy. i wanna show you the whole world if i can.”

“sounds like a dream.” you reply as he kisses you sweetly, bringing you the comfort you’d been longing for, for over a month.

you knew your struggles were long from over, but you knew you were protected and that he would never let you sink.

he truly loved you and that is one thing you would never change. never in a million years.

[grimsonandclover]

hi j came across ur blogs and FINALLY. someone who doesn’t write about puppy art or stepcest. i tbh would read anhtbjng abt patrick but i love childhood best freind patrick fics or enemies to lovers fics the most!!

All I Want For Christmas

Childhood Bestfriend!Patrick Zweig x classical singer!reader

Song of the post 'WHAT'S IT TO HIM? - Quadeca'

Yes! I don't yuck other people's yum but I noticed how it's everywhere in this fandom, which is fine, it's just not for me! There are some versions of puppy!characters that I can enjoy, but not when it gets really into the puppy stuff, ykwim? Stepcest and any other incest things are a hard no from me, though. Anyways, fuck, I love these two tropes so much, I could eat them for breakfast lunch and dinner and still have them as snacks and still never tire. but childhood friends to lovers >>> im such a softy for it. I wrote this the moment I saw your message, so it's semi-proofread, more so just me writing the little story I thought of as it came to me. if you want a smutty part two lmk and ill write it in a flash

I have no clue where the Christmas theme came from, it just kinda happened. I don't even celebrate Christmas lmao.

This was meant to be a blurb. Now it's a 5k word slow burn blurb. Hope you enjoy!

also the song linked has nothing to do w the story lmao, it's just what's playing. <3 quadeca

SFW

5.3k words

childhood bestfriend!Patrick Zweig, Never dates Tashi/Loses Art!AU, slow burn, timeskips, no content warnings

--(x)-- 1998 - 2006 --(x)--

You both grew up quite rich, you and Patrick Zweig. Going to the same charity events and galas and birthday dinners as kids because your parents would drag you both along to brag about your accomplishments. Patrick's parents would brag about how he's a tennis prodigy that's gonna go pro one day, have you seen him play? And your parents brag about your voice and your grades, how youre gonna get into any school you want (which you would be able to anyways since theyd just pay the school board). You've got the voice of an angel and since you were four they'd make you get up at parties and events and sing something by the piano. You were groomed to love the spotlight just like Patrick was groomed to love the rush of tennis.

Patrick loved hearing you sing. When you'd be ushered over to your spot by the piano player and ask the adults what they'd like to hear, Patrick would sit up from his slump at the dinner table or sofa, perking up like a dog being told its time for treats. He didn't really know anything about music, he just knew your voice did something in his chest.

You loved seeing him play. Your family had plenty of casual tennis players of its own, tennis being quite a popular sport amongst the wealthy. You understood the gist of it, but that wasn't why you asked your parents to go every time Patrick got to play. You wanted to go because it felt like the closest thing to seeing a shooting star up close. He was like a fireball on the court, even from a young age. His couches kept trying to train the unique serve out of him, you could see their cringing from the sidelines whenever he'd do it, but eventually they stopped when they realized how much he won with it. Because he did. A lot. It was mesmerizing to watch.

One Christmas the two of you finally properly spoke to eachother. You were both ten. Your parents had all gotten wine drunk in the other room, leaving the kids to try and get along in the Zweig's living room. The Christmas parties were always held at the Zweig house, it was the biggest. Didn't matter that they were Jewish. Never even crossed their mind, too big of an oppertunity to schmooze and secure business deals. Patrick never gave it a second thought, just happy he got gifts.

You two had just sat down by the fireplace as the other older kids convened on how to sneak some liquor without anyone noticing. You were too young to care about things like that, instead talking to eachother about school and your respective passions. It was the first proper conversation you'd had even though you had practically been in each other's lives since birth. Patrick liked hearing about the unserious gossip from your all-girls private school, how once again you were on the deans list and top of the class. He found it the funniest thing in the world when you confessed that you'd cheated on a math exam, your weakest subject. How you'd done that quite often actually. Patrick liked knowing you weren't as perfect as your parents boasted you to be, because that made you actually perfect in his eyes.

You liked hearing about the rowdy boys at his school and at tennis practice, and the stupid fights that would break out. Patrick would tell you about the famous tennis players his parents would get him to meet, some even practice with. How they'd comment on his serve, too, and when Patrick would imitate their voice and mannerisms, youd laugh till your stomach and cheeks hurt. Patrick decided then, at ten years old, to commit your laugh to memory. It was a sound as beautiful as your singing.

That became your routine at every dinner and every party your parents would take you to. You'd find solace and company with eachother, a rare, true friend in your world. You both never told your parents about the friendship because even then you knew they'd try and take advantage of it. Turn it into some political relationship, breed you two to marry or something for their benefits.

When Patrick's parents sent him off to the Mark Rebellato Tennis Academy when you were twelve, you cried into your pillow for hours. You'd promised to write eachother, but there's only so much writing a twelve year old can do before they get distracted. Your meetings went from twice a month to once a year. The Zweig family Christmas party.

Just like when you were ten, the two of you would meet up by the crackling fireplace and swap stories, updating each other on your lives. You performed with a real live orchestra last week a version of Silent Night and your mother cried from the crowd. Patrick was sorry he couldn't be there but you handed him a CD with a recording of the night, knowing he'd want to see it, and he said it was the best Christmas gift he'd ever gotten. He hadn't even watched it yet, but he knew. The tennis racket once owned by Bjorn Borg was a pretty great gift too, though (he'd keep it hung on his dorm wall for his entire time at the academy, then later in a case in the trunk of his car to keep it safe).

He had met a kid named Art at the academy, and he talked about how they became fast friends. Best friends. You didn't really have much time for friends, too busy with school and all the extracurriculars your parents had signed you up for since birth. It was kind of like that for Patrick before he left, and you were happy he got the chance to meet someone at the academy. Art sounded great, and you wished you could meet him.

The next year you did it again, but at 15 Patrick got pneumonia on Christmas eve and couldn't come. You sat by the fireplace alone, picking lint off your sweater. Not much had changed apart from his absence. The older kids, now nearing college, were still thinking of ways to get alcohol. Some messed around with eachother in the various rooms of the house while the parents were off doing whatever parents did, not having much else to do. You stayed by yourself, watching the fire and praying to God that Patrick would be okay.

The year after, Patrick was back. He was older now, and so were you, of course. You were both 16 now, puberty catching up with the both of you in the year you hadn't seen each other.

Patrick had started properly shaving now, and when you first laid eyes on him, waiting for you by the fireplace, the slight shadow of hair on his chin and jaw was the first thing you noticed. Your eyes trailed up the stubble to his cheeks, which had lost the baby fat and now made the apples of his cheeks much more visible, especially as he smiled up at you. He called your name excitedly, standing up to meet you in a hug. You had hugged before, but he never wore cologne before. He had clearly gone through a growth spurt, too, and easily could rest his chin on your head. When you pulled back from the hug, you grabbed his shoulders and held him at arms length, just looking at him. He did the same for you, taking in the slight increase of height yourself, the more mature glow in your skin, and, since he was still only a teenage boy and still Patrick Zweig, your new boobs. His eyebrows raised, a slow and impressed whistle blew from his lips as he gave you alook. "You've grow." He smiled, and you swatted his arms while you blushed. "Look who's talking." You said, poking his biceps. Tennis academy did him good.

You had never thought about it before, but that one year apart and your reunion woke something in you up. Patrick Zweig was hot. You didn't know, but that same part of his own brain ignited. The whole night you two still talked as normal, still giggled over stories and swapped gifts. He got you a necklace made from your favorite metal, a tiny but intricate tennis racket charm hanging on the bottom. It was simple, but it was so precious.

"So I can be with you more than once a year." He explained, and you couldn't help yourself when you pulled him into the biggest hug you could manage. It was the most heartwarming gift you had ever gotten. And it made you laugh too, especially when you reached over to give him his gift.

When he opened it, his eyes widened and laughed, picking up the simple silver chain bracelet with a tiny charm of your initial on it. You were a little nervous to give it to him, worried it seemed too couple-y of a gift instead of something you'd give a friend, but now that anxiety had gone. He put it on immediately, and you were so grateful that he didn't think it was too girly or soft for him to wear. Patrick Zweig could be crude and perverted (something you realized when he let slip the way he looked at some girls back at the academy), but he wasn't insecure. Not in that way, at least.

You sat a little closer together that year, knees brushing as you caught up. Art was still his best friend and you two made plans for how you could meet. You were still singing, the Christmas time performance of yours now a yearly tradition. He was still never able to come, but he promised one day he would. The other kids were now too old to come to his house, off at college dorm parties, some even old enough to be already married and having Christmas parties of their own. The living room was much more quiet for the two of you but it's not like you ever noticed them much before. The one true new addition was the cigarette that now dangled from his lips. You had initally scolded him for the new habit but it didn't take long for it to be passed between the two of you as you spoke. You did your best to not think about how it had touched his lips and then would touch yours.

When graduation came around and it was finally time to go off to college yourself, your heart sank a little. College meant you two would be too busy with your own lives to come back, and your parents already weren't too committed to dragging you along with them to their events anymore. When you sat by the fireplace for that final year, you found you had less to talk about. Life felt pretty slow for you, especially with your lack of real friends. It was the same deal every year. School, choir, then independent vocal lessons, then horseback riding, then the youth advisory board, then tutoring. Your days were all a countdown to Christmas, the one day of the year you weren't some busy prodigal daughter with too many responsibilities on your shoulders, but Patrick Zweig's best friend. That was the only thing expected of you.

Maybe not in the way Art Donaldson was, but you were his best friend. He was the love of your life, you were sure of it.

He asked about your plans for school, and you said you'd probably go to Julliard if you got accepted. You were being humble, of course. You got your acceptance letter months ago. Patrick, not knowing that, assured you that you would. "They'd be stupid to not let you in." He smiled, cigarette balancing between his teeth and his bottom lip. You nudged your shoulder against his, thanking him for the vote of confidence. When it was your turn to ask him, he shrugged.

"Ah, I dunno." He blew smoke from the corner of his mouth, away from you. Patrick sat, thinking to himself for a moment before turning to face you. "I've been thinking about it, and... I don't think I'm gonna go." He shrugged again, and your eyebrows pulled back in surprise. "Do your parents know that?" You asked, knowing they'd never allow him. The Zweigs loved boasting about how Patrick was going to continue the family name. Tennis might be his gift, but they expected him to finally grow up and be an adult, not a tennis player.

He shook his head, turning back to the fire crackling before you. "Fuck them," he whispered with a smirk. "I'm gonna go pro. Play at challengers and shit until I rank for the bigger stuff. Play at Wimbledon or the Olympics or something. Don't wanna risk an injury at some school before I can even do anything real, you know?"

You nod your head, understanding. It made sense for him, you just were worried about how his parents would react.

"Art's gonna go to Stanford." He said, lips a little downturned at the mention. "He wants a safety net, I guess. I don't really know." He blows another puff of smoke, handing the cigarette over to you. Then he turns to you again, chuckling a little humorlessly. "Gas is gonna be a bitch, going from California to New York."

"What do you mean?"

"Going back and forth to see you and Art." He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, shocked you even asked. "Guess I could fly," Patrick thought to himself, thinking over the logistics of it, then seemingly deciding it would work. "Worth it."

Your chest constricted a little at the thought of him going through all of that just to see you. You insisted that he didn't have to, that you'd gladly fly over to see him instead of the other way around, but he persisted. "You'll have school and friends and shit. I'll have plenty of time to come over. Plus, you know, phones exist." He teased.

Patrick was right. They did, of course. For some reason, though, you two never called. Never even thought about it. It was a little nonsensical and you laughed, and he joined. You promised that you'd start calling him, and he promised you the same thing.

When you hugged him before you had to leave, you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Patrick."

He grinned, cheeks warming and turning pink. "I'm Jewish." He laughed, giving you a final hug. "Merry Christmas."

--(x)-- 2010 --(x)--

Graduation night at Alice Tully Hall was intense.

Four years had gone by in a flash and it was already the last week of May-- actually, it was already the end of graduation itself. Your cap was on your head and diploma in hand, the other one busy shaking the hands of the few late family and family friends that had come over to congratulate you. You were exhausted, both from the four years and from the night. All you wanted was to go to your apartment, flop onto your bed face first, and sleep the night away.

You had spent almost the entire celebration biting your nails and scanning the hall for the two pairs of eyes and smiles you wanted to see the most. When your name got called and you walked up on the stage, and your mother cried in the crowd like the night of your first concert, and your father gave you the same, unattached nod that was the closest he could get to saying he was proud of you. Patrick had told you he was gonna be late, just having finished a challenger in Philidelphia the same day. You just didn't think late meant missing the ceramony entirely.

Patrick was sitting in thick New York City traffic, banging his fist on his steering wheel, yelling at the car next to him. Art was in the passenger's seat, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You fucking moron! Dumb fucking cunt! You know how much this is gonna cost!?" Patrick yelled, pointing to the driver's door that now had a dent in it. The traffic was so heavy he couldn't move, and he didn't want to get out in case it budged. He knew he was late, and now some guy in a truck, in a fucking truck in New York City, had just bumped into the side of Patrick's car. The dent wasn't anything that would permanently damage the car, but it was pretty nasty. "Who taught your to drive?" He yelled, almost leaning fully out of the window now. Art reached over to pull at the back of his shirt, trying to get him back in. "Are you blind!? We're in the middle of traffic and you still managed to hit me?"

"Christ, Patrick, get back in the fucking car!"

Patrick swatted his hand away. "My best friend is graduating and now I gotta pick her up with this shit on my car. What's your insurance!? I'm gonna sue the shit out of you!"

Cars started beeping at him and the driver in the truck was yelling back just as colorfully. "That piece of dog shit almost looks better with it! You should be fucking thanking me, asshole. Maybe your insurance will give you a better car!"

"A better car!?" Patrick was red in the face. "Why don't you let me return the favor then!"

"Oh, shit." Art was scrambling over the center console to really pull him back, knowing it was seconds away from getting violent.

--(x)--

You were leaning against the front doors playing with the tennis racket necklace you had never taken off when you got a call from Art. You had gotten it from him the first time you met him freshman year, it being the one connection you had to each other for the whole school year. He had become a really close friend of yours, even through he grainy speakers of your phone. You picked it up eagerly, the first thing you could hear being angry beeping in the background and a voice that sounded like Patrick yelling.

"Art? Where are you guys? What's going on?"

"Oh my god," Art said your name, a little frantic. "Okay, so, uh, we're running late, I know-" there's some shuffling you can hear, and you cut in. "The ceremony is already over." You tell them, a little disappointed. Art frowns but his attention is pulled back to the situation at hand.

"Congrats on graduating! Um, anyways, I called cause Patrick's kinda losing his shit right now. Some guy hit his car--"

"Oh my god! Are you guys alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, we're fine. It's just a dent. But now the two are in the middle of the street and Patrick's getting his ass kicked." He sounds nervous, because of course he is. His best friend is catching fists to the face. "I tried to help..." Art continues, and his hand goes back up to touch the future black eye he's now sporting. "But, um, I just wanted to let you know that I don't think we'll make it over-"

In the background, Patrick interrupts, managing to gather the strength to push the giant man from on top of him. "Oh, we're making it!" He yells out loud enough that you can just hear it over the speaker, then throws another punch at the guy's jaw. Patrick's nose was bleeding and his eyebrow was cut, and the other guy wasn't looking all that great either. He spat at the guy, adding "You made me miss her graduation." with another punch.

The cars around them suddenly started move, and the two friends froze. Traffic was moving again. The guy got another good punch onto Patrick before he was able to scramble up and run back to his car, yelling at Art to start driving before the guy caught up.

They finally got to Lincoln Center looking like a pair of hot messes and you spent the weekend in your apartment with them sleeping over, caring for their cuts and bruises and catching up, smoking out your apartment window. It was the best weekend you'd had in years.

--(x)-- 2019 --(x)--

The crowd cheering was deafening, and the spotlight was blinding. Nonetheless, you took a bow, thanking the audience for the night. Your hand reached out to the orchestra and another round of applause boomed. Nobody could smile bigger than your were. No one could beat the butterflies in your stomach.

It was the week before Christmas, and just like you had since you were 12, you were performing a concert. This time however it wasn't on a small stage at a theater in your hometown, but at Alice Tully Hall in New York City, the same hall you had graduated in nine years ago.

The lights dimmed and that was your cue to leave, first excitingly hugging the musicians who played so beautifully that night. You thanked them all, wished them a happy holiday, and walked off stage. Waiting for you, as always, stood Patrick Zweig.

The years had done him well. Tennis kept him built like a marble statue, age refined his features, and his own laziness left the slightly auburn stubble on his cheeks to grow out. He was wearing the one tux he still owned, slightly tight around the arms and legs as he outgrew it.

Patrick had long cut contact with his parents, becoming financially independent (much to the dismay of his bank account), and no longer had to deal with the constant phone calls about how he was letting down the Zweig name with his tennis career. The days of them bragging about his talent were long gone, it was meant to be a hobby, not a career. Who was going to take over the Zweig family business now? He couldn't give less of a fuck. His designer wardrobe slowly sold off to pay for all the gas he consumed driving from matches to his best friends throughout the years, shedding his past with every article of clothing.

Patrick made sure to never repeat the same mistake as your graduation. At every event, he was there. Early, if possible. Never joining tournaments or challengers held on the same day as important events like tonight, not that there really were any on Christmas Eve. He made sure to make up for all the time you weren't together growing up.

Patrick held a bunch of roses in his hands for you as you approached, enveloping him in a hug. "Flowers are from the three of us." He spoke into your hair, referring to him, Art, and Art's wife Tashi. Free hand wrapping around your shoulder to squeeze you back with equal amounts of love. "Lily even made you a card. You were incredible, like always. Incredible."

You smiled up at him, kissing his cheek before hugging again. When you pull back, you look around him for the aforementioned Donaldsons. "They're waiting for Art to finish pissing. Whole night he kept complaining, drank too much water on the ride here but idiot didn't want to get up in the middle of your show and go." He chuckled, handing you the bouquet. You loop your arm into his, the feeling of him grounding you after the intense rush of adrenaline and emotions that came with performing to such a large audience or such a special night. Walking out into the main hall together, a couple people greet and shake your hand, some asking for pictures. A person even recognized Patrick, which was quite uncommon with his career now dwindling down an unfortunate and unsuccessful path (You were sure any day now he was gonna pick back up and climb the ranking again. You made sure to tell him after every match).

The two of you leaned against a wall as the attention died down and people began going home. In your heels, you were tall enough to rest your head comfortable on Patrick's shoulder. He smiled at the gesture, leaning his head on yours. Closing your eyes, you took in the whole night. The fading adrenaline, the sweat that gathered on your forehead drying, the sound of the crowd getting quieter by the second. The material of Patrick's tux on your cheek and ear, his steady and relaxed breathing, the warmth of his embrace, the musky cologne he had been using since he was a teenager.

Patrick enjoyed the moments alone he had with you. He wasn't Patrick Zweig the failed heir to the Zweig throne just like how he was a failed tennis player. He was Patrick Zweig, your best friend. That was the only thing expected of him.

Longer than Art Donaldson ever was. You were the love of his life, he was sure of it.

He inhaled the scent of your hair and your perfume, arm wrapped around your shoulder as his thumb rubbed comforting circles on it. When he closed his eyes, he replayed how you looked on the stage while you sang. You were as beautiful as your voice. Always had been, always will be. Every performance of yours took him back to when things were much simpler, when he'd watch you by their otherwise untouched piano at formal dinners and you'd sing a Sinatra song for the parents. He could almost taste the roasted chicken, almost feel the silverware in his hands.

Your hand reached up to your chest and your fingers played with the little tennis racket charm, a habit you'd had for years. Patrick loved knowing you kept the necklace on after all this time, even on nights like this where you could've replaced it with something much more grand and expensive.

He had never taken his bracelet off. Even in the brief relationships or hookups he'd have and partners would question what the initial stood for. He'd never answer, just tell them it was important to him.

You opened your eyes again when the sound of little feet in little shoes click-clacked on the tile floor towards you, your name exclaimed from eager lips. Lily bounded up to you, her honerary aunt, and wrapped her arms around your waist. Art and Tashi followed behind her.

Lily pulled back from the hug, looking up at you. "You were like a superstar!" She beamed, one of her front teeth missing. You hug Art and Tashi who compliment your dress and your performance before leaving with them to the dinner reservation you all had, Patrick's arm still around your shoulder as you walked.

At dinner, through mouthfulls of spaghetti, Lily asked you constant questions about what it's like to sing and be on stage. You answered every single one, and at the end of her little interview she made an announcement. "When I grow up I wanna be a tennis player like mommy and daddy," she started, Tashi scolding her to stop talking while she's eating as she wiped with a napkin at the corners of her daughter's mouth. Art's bottom lip jutted out in a little pout, melting in the hands of his daughter. "But, I wanna be a singer-tennis player. So I can wear pretty dresses like you."

You laugh, coming to Tashi's defense. "Your mom wears gorgeous dresses, Lily."

"Yeah, but she doesn't wear them on a stage. I wanna do that."

Point proved, you shrug. Patrick turns to look at you as he's sitting directly beside you. He doesn't say anything, just admires you under the dim and moody lighting of the resteraunt as you talk with Lily, resting his chin in his hand and smiling into his palm. Art and Tashi share a knowing look.

The night decidingly comes to an end when the couple announces they need to put Lily to bed.

"I'm not twenty anymore," Tashi says, handing the bill to the waiting server. "I knock out at ten P.M."

Patrick drove you home like you agreed, and it was assumed he'd stay the night like he often did on your couch. As you changed into more comfortable clothes in your room, he grabbed his own clothes from the trunk of his car and changed in your bathroom. Afterward, he silently observed as you washed off your makeup and took down your hair from its simple updo. It felt domestic. It felt like something a boyfriend does with his girlfriend after a long day. Patrick let himself pretend for a moment that that's exactly what was happening.

When you were done the two of you sat on the couch and cuddled, debating on what movie to wind down to as you settled into his arms as he laid his head against the arm rest.

"Home Alone?" You ask, grabbing the remote and flicking through the options. He shook his head.

"Watched that with Art and Lily just last week. What about Elf?"

You agree, and the movie begins to play. The volume's low and you spend more time talking to each other than actually watching, one of your hands on the arm wrapped around your chest scratching up and down and the other resting on your stomach. Patrick's hand on your chest toyed with your necklace while the other arm rested on your head, lazily scratching as you watched and talked. Neither of you realized when you both fell asleep there.

The sun rising through your window wakes you up, the light bright against your eyelids. You shifted a little, lifting your head but keeping your eyes closed. The first thing your senses picked up on was the warm body of Patrick underneath you, steady rising and falling breaths and the lignering scent of the cologne he applied yesterday still faintly on his skin. His hands were still on your chest and head when you woke up, sliding off when you moved to look at him.

The stresses of adulthood were almost undetectable on his face. Patrick had the same freckles littering his skin that he had as a kid, and you used to tell him that in a crowd of identical people you'd be able to pick him out just by the freckles on his waterline. Did that make sense? Probably not, but it did when you were fourteen. You didn't really care, to be honest, just wanting him to open his eyes so you could see the freckles there again.

As if he could hear your thoughts, his eyelashed fluttered before opening. The first thing he saw was you.

Like an angel. His tired brain though for a moment he died and went to heaven.

"Goodmorning." He rasped, morning voice deep and scratchy. You smiled, looking out the window at the falling snow. "Merry Christmas." You say instead. "I'm Jewish," He chuckled, a hand raising to brush a strand of hair from your face before whispering "Merry Christmas" back. He said the same thing every year.

You stayed silent like that, laying on his chest and just staring at him as he played with your hair. There was some sort of unsaid agreement between the two of you, something your souls communicated with each other without your knowlage as you slept. Patrick felt like his heart could stop at any moment with how etheral you felt.

"What do you want for Christmas?" He asked, breaking the quiet in the room and whispering it like a secret.

Your eyes moved from his to his lips, and at the action his tongue darted out to lick them. It felt like the 21 years you had been best friends slipped away from your fingers and had gone. Time was gone. Reason was gone. The only thing left in the entire world was you, him, and the couch. You knew what you wanted. You had wanted it since you were sixteen. He's sure he's wanted it since the creation of his soul.

His hand moved from your hair to your jaw, both of you slightly breathless, eyes on the other's lips. His calloused hands told you, you weren't dreaming despire how hazy reality felt. His breath on your lips told you, you were still alive despite how heaven-like reality felt.

Patrick leaned in, his nose rubbing on yours and your foreheads touching, lips mere centimeters apart, eyes barely open. His best friend. His soulmate. He was never whole when he wasn't around you.

He kissed you on Christmas morning, the charm of your inital on his bracelet tickling your shoulder, the tennis racket on your necklace resting on his chest.

[bluedeedeedoop]

My Thoughts on Tales of the Empire; mostly Barriss (spoilers ahead!)

Ah hello all, i have had some days or so to think since watching the show and to say it has completely wiped me of my life force would be... pretty accurate tbh. BUT I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO POST MY THOUGHTS. will this cover my entire though process that im sTill working through? PROBABLY NOT! my thoughts are very unorganized and very unstable! ANYWAAAAYS.

Now I just gotta say overall, the show itself definitely passed the test. To be completely honest, i wasn't really paying attention to the Morgan parts as i was the Barriss parts, since it was literally what I was looking forward to this entire time.

Though I will say that the first Morgan episode was pretty neat! it was crazy seeing that perspective of the Nightsisters again and god did they make Grievous fucking terrifying. Honestly, bravo to them, it was amazing. I diiiiid end up just.. kinda spacing out the rest of it tho unfortunately cuz i just wanted to see barriss..

Visuals 10000/10. stunning, amazing, phenomenal, gahdamn. the animation was so smooth and fluid and uGHH it was amazing throughout the entire show. Acting amazing as always. BUT GOD I CANT GET OVER HOW AMAZING THE ANIMATION WAS.

NOW.

In my opinion, they got her character pretty on the dot. I am SO glad they did. I was rlly rlly worried they were totally butcher her character and make her unrecognizable to all of us but oml they didn't completely disappoint us, she has her morals, SHES STILL A HEALER! Im so happy from that.

Now although i did enjoy it, i do have my own little complaints.

Now okay one i noticed since the trailer and has REALLY been bugging me; where are her hand tattoos??? idk i guess i just wasn't expecting them to just be gone?? they couldn't have just forgotten them.. right? I dunno, but unless someone has a genuine answer for that, imma just keep drawing them on her in the future.

??????

Alright another thing i've been seeing ppl post about is how come she looked so old at the end? I am also confused on that and i've seen multiple theories. She should only be like 30-35 max right?? Because i'm assuming the last episode took place a the time in Rebels where the inquisitors were after the force sensitive children, and Ahsoka was around that age a the time, so why is Barriss any different?

I suppose the one i think makes the most sense is the force healing? I guess it could take a toll on her over the years causing her to look more aged, but still, i'd really prefer an explanation. Also what happened to her hair coverings?? Is that not her culture?? I dunno, again, i really need an explanation. I suppose that maybe her perspective has changed since trying to come to terms with her new life, and her ditching the coverings is a way to free herself from her past? Honestly i have no clue but i just need a lot of things answered.

That's mostly my complaints on it! I just felt things weren't explained enough but to be fair, they only gave her like 3 15-ish min episodes?? I really think they got some explaining to do. Which brings me to my next points.

I'm like... 98% sure that the "old friend" is Ahsoka that she was talking about. Who else would it be?? Like cmon. And if it is Ahsoka, why did we not get to see anything about the moment of confrontation? or at least more of a mention? I guess they wouldn't rlly wanna rush that scene, and tbh, im glad they didn't. It's not some "we talk for 5 min and everything is fine" type of situation. it'll take time. time to rebuild that trust. time to discuss. YEAH. I've heard many people state how it would be more likely and realistic to see a novelization of that and i agree. I would want it to take time, showing the build of the relationship over time, going on further into the story as we watch their strong bond mend from the trauma it's faced. I'm not saying this as a crazed Barrissoka shipper, i mean it that I would genuinely want to see how that confrontation is handled, as do many others and not just as a ship!! It's been a decade! the fans wanna know!

And my last point.

I.believe.Barriss.is.alive.

The more i rewatch it, the more i believe it. the first time around i had my doubts, but something tells me they are NOT done with her character. At least before the stabbing scene anyway. There's too much stuff that's left unanswered for it to just end that way! I dunno man, but Lyn's "i'm going to get you out of here" sounded way too determined for a "im going to move your body out of here" type of thing yk? maybe she could sense she was still alive, just barely hanging in there? I don't think they are done with Barriss Offee, and I wont think so unless we see her corpse being fucking BURIED. Not to mention the UNGODLY amount of parallels of that scene along with them exiting the cave. I've already seen so many point it out. Post-Vader and Ahsoka fight on Malachor?? Back when we all thought Ahsoka may or may not be dead?? sounds familiar hello?? Also a parallel from earlier in the show itself when Barriss saves that unnamed jedi! she HEALS them when they were going to be left there. Something tells me the same fate may happen to Barriss. Idk call me crazy but i will say it again, i don't think they are done with her story.

Thank you for reading my very unorganized thoughts! this has taken me longer to write than expected because i did not predict this to make me have to step away from making SEVERAL times- but yeah! lmk what yall think! and yes you can be expecting some art here and there! i know i've been slacking- Also lmk if u want me to post my crazed Barrissoka thoughts! because aHa i have them. i have them a lot. send help.

ALSO KEVIN KINER I GOT MY EYE ON YOU. BRO NEEDS TO RELEASE THE SOUNDTRACK BEFORE I DIE.

[slocumjoe]

Gage with Sole that gets lost in nuka cola world? Like he doesnt pay attention to them for one second and they already wandered off and has no clue where they at "gage pick me up im scared and there are flying ants"

aka my experience being underleveled and doing the hardest areas of the park first :'D

Gage and Overboss's No Good, Very Bad Vacation In Nuka World

Realistically, Gage should have anticipated it. It's was a theme park, they were designed to be massive labyrinths with money sinks at every corner. The bigger and more confusing it is, the more likely someone will get lost and wander, and hopefully stumble into a shop or something. This is basic Capitalist Design 101.

Another thing he should have expected was that there were damn good reasons the other parks weren't already full of raiders, living the high life. Colter didn't do it because he was lazy; no one else did for fear of death. Gage himself never heard of anyone coming back from the other parks, that means they don't.

So, really, he should have considered it his own damn fault for not thinking about it, the first time he lost track of his shiny new Overboss.

That first time, it happened in that bottling plant. They went into a door, he followed behind, they went into another door, and another, and shit got weird from there when the soda river erupted with crabs.

He killed some crabs. They killed some crabs. He turned to see where they were killing crabs and saw jack shit.

It was then that he realized that the bottling plant was echoey as fuck, and he hadn't been behind them for...a good ten minutes, at least, just following noises that came from God knows where.

Gage didn't know the layout of the place. Neither did they. The fact that the river is just one line doesn't help shit, because there's employee tunnels, manufacturing, the rest of the plant. The plant was fucking big. They could have been anywhere. Whererever they were, there was more fucking crabs. And Gage, being a good underling who had to pull a lot of strings to get to this point in the first place, wasn't very okay with the idea of his boss being crab dinner.

So he hit the legs, backtracking through tunnels, the walkways above the bottling zones/whatever the fuck those were. Kept finding crabs he didn't kill, good start. Kept hearing gunfire, grenades, crab-screaming. Less good. Ended up back on the soda river (what the fuck was wrong with these people). Accidentally triggered every fucking pre-recorded line from the intercom, which drowned out the shit he needed to hear. At this point, Boss has been fighting for their goddamn life for twenty minutes, and the walls had started to melt into one big blob of samey-samey. Not even the sky was this blue.

Eventually, they found him, pursued by six hunters. He killed some crabs. They killed some crabs. He turned around, grabbed them, and was about to threaten to put them on one of them toddler leashes if they wandered off like again. But then a pack of Assaultatrons kicked down a door and they jumped in different direction away from the lasers. Ran down different hallways. Found more crabs. Killed more crabs, pursued by Assaultatrons. He knew Boss ran back into the river, because the all of Announcer Lady's lines were playing over and over each other, like the layers of hell condensing into a pure diamond of auditory psychology warfare.

Gage didn't notice when the chaos stopped, when the robots and crabs started dropping. It just happened and he had to take a breather, find his happy place. When he met back up with the boss, they were covered in stab wounds from stimpaks, used all their ammo and grenades, and thought that a suit of power armor made up for it.

The power armor did do well against the crab kings on the roof. It did not survive the Queen in the pond.

After this, he pulled them aside, told them to slow the fuck down and not charge through places like a drunk bull in a china shop. They said yes, Gage, I will definitely do that, and I will definitely proceed with caution and carry extra supplies on my personal.

They did, for their credit.

The Mr. Frothy's, however, didn't let that stay true for long.

Both of them took one step into Galactic World, and a fucking soda nuke dropped in between them. And again, they scrambled for different cover. Then a Frothy went after Gage, and the soda bomber bot went after the boss, and they had to separate again.

It'll be fine, he thought, I'll just kite around this corner that leads back into the main area, this wall is like three feet wide, this doesn't lead into a different level entirely.

It did.

Gage made it to the middling level of the Galactic Zone, every eyebot swarming like they wanted fresh meat or some shit, and the Overboss was running from the Nukatrons and a Mr. Frothy screaming about strangling them. Couldn't go the way he came, had his own robot fixated on asphyxiation behind him. Kept running. Then the laser turrets kicked on, and this was now an exercise in agility and being God's favorite.

When the robots patrolling the park finally all died, it was midnight, Gage was half-dead, had no ammo, and no indication that the overboss was alive, save Redeye's music playing at full volume somewhere nearby. Back to Nuka-World for supplies, sleep, and a nervous breakdown.

The next day, they took on the Vault attraction.

It seemed like things were looking up. Sure, the boss got lost looking for...what, stickers on the walls? Something with dumb bottle-cap glasses. But the robots were few and far between, the space was small and linear enough Boss couldn't wander off too far, and they made it out having not used all of their ammo. It was a good sign.

They went to the Interstellar Theatre, next.

Boss had the good idea to go in quiet, sneak around. They found an elevator up to the projection room, found a starcore, and figured that the area was clear, or at least mostly safe. They just cut all the power, after all.

The robots are motion activated.

Fighting turrets, protectatrons, Mr. Handy's in the dark was bad enough. But whoever the fuck put a sentrybot in a theatre, Gage hoped they went to hell.

He found the boss trying to drown themselves in a water fountain, when the last bot went down.

Back to Nuka-World for ammo, stimpaks, and another nervous breakdown as a treat

I saw a robot fighting ring, Boss said. The bots would have already killed each other in there, they said.

So they went to the Robco Battleground.

One or two robots, the rest were dormant. Thank. God. Boss found some starcores, some good loot, went into a door in a basement with robots.

The door shut and maglocked behind them. The pre-recorded announcer starting up the match. All those dormant robots in the basement woke up. On one side of that door, the Overboss fought for their goddamn life with a bunch of tincans. On the other, Gage did the same damn thing. When it opened back up, guess what they did? Yep, back to Nuka-World for stimpaks, ammo, and another nervous breakdown. And a shower, because flammable oil is not a good thing to be covered in, when using firearms. Gage heard the boss muttering and giggling about laser turrets to the plush toy sloth they picked up, and wondered if he would have to put them down out of mercy.

And then the fucking...Nuka Galaxy ride.

So dark. So big. So long. It was the longest attraction at that fucking park. Couldn't see your hands in front of you. Gage could have lost his mind in that section with the giant fake rocks. Found a lot of dead people who did, anyway. Once the Frothy's came barreling out from a hallway, yet again, the Boss went one way, he went the other. When they killed the bots, had to marco-polo triangulate their way back to each other. And then the area with the giant UFOs, and no lighting on the scaffolding. Who the fuck made this park? None of this was OSHA compliant, surely. You know what's even less OSHA compliant?

Laser turrets on EVERY FUCKING WALL.

Laser turrets on every UFO, every ceiling, every wall, every stairwell, every giant fake rock, laser turrets everywhere. Why? Why would Nuka Cola Corporation think they needed this many? Were they expecting two dipshit raiders to come strolling on through, and hated them, specifically? They weren't fucking ashing little Timmy for lifting from the gift shop, right?

You know what else sucks? Laser turrets high above you, in a pitch black corridor, where there's a drop just mere feet in front of you.

Boss didn't get lost in here because Gage grabbed them by the scruff of their shirt if they so much as leaned too far away. No, he doesn't care what shiny thing you see, you are staying within arm's length. Fuck treasure, fuck Galactic Zone, and fuck John Nukacola, or whatever his name was.

Gage never again let them get more than five feet away from him, after Galactic Zone was cleared, and the boss never again had to whisper hateful nothings about laser turrets to their sloth toy.

[hecksupremechips]

In my opinion, everyone in sees is autistic or some flavor of neurodivergent and I have organized my specific headcanons 😈

Kotone: the kind of autistic who was a “problem child”. She didn’t have any friends and would get into fights after her parents passed. She also has a short attention span and has trouble reading the room sometimes and will say things that maybe aren’t appropriate for a specific situation. And she has poor volume control when she’s excited, but will be very quiet in an unfamiliar environment. She wears headphones to avoid sensory overload and she’s very bouncy and always tapping or fidgeting with something

Junpei: the kind that does poorly in school due to short attention span and disinterest. He loses his homework all the time and was the kinda kid who could never sit still, always just getting up and walking around lol. He’s been yelled at by every adult in his life for being lazy and a failure and it sticks with him. Thinks the only way people can care about him is if he’s funny

Yukari: I think I have the least to say about her being autistic cuz im not sure if that’s really the root of her neurodivergence, but she has the energy of someone who’s always had to mask her whole life and then gets frustrated when there’s someone who doesn’t mask as much and they aren’t as ashamed about their behavior as she is. She struggles internally with unlearning that ableism and does try very hard to not let it show because she doesn’t want to be like the people that have made her feel like shit, but sometimes it slips out. It does make her very good at spotting others’ struggles with neurodivergence and she’s very defensive over others, but isn’t always good at treating herself the same way

Akihiko: literally so autistic coded I can’t believe it’s not even canon lol. He’s very smart but bad with social awareness and tends to take things very literally, like the way he defines strength is very literal physical strength. He has a special interest in sports and exercise and will infodump while happy as a clam. He’s got a short attention span and is just constantly running all over the place like this guy cannot sit still and when he likes someone and wants to be closer to them he just shows off all the shit he can do. He’s very very very emotionally repressed and has trouble understanding why others aren’t as good as repressing as he is (he doesn’t get why Shinji’s unable to “move on” from what happened to him, or why Ken would need the others to go looking for him after 10/4). Also he’s just awful at understanding his own feelings and what they mean and he’s ashamed of how easily he cries which is very real lol. I also just for fun hc that Miki was nonverbal autistic and her traits were just a lot more visible and she had more frequent meltdowns and never was able to receive any proper accommodations. She didn’t have any friends except for her brother and then eventually Shinji. I’d say that even if she didn’t have a proper diagnosis like, everyone knew she was autistic. I think because Akihiko is just so focused on being there for her he doesn’t really pay attention to his own traits until he’s older and thinks about it more and is like HUH WAIT. This then creates a spiral where everyone else becomes Aware of their own autism it’s an absolute catastrophe akdjsk

Mitsuru: ohhhh she masks so fucking hard she’s absolutely the type who literally has never let herself do anything that she wants, it’s all just whatever will make the adults in her life happy. And so she’s gonna have a massive identity crisis when she realizes she has no clue who she is because she’s never allowed herself to exist as a human and not a machine. She’s also got massive gifted kid burnout that’s gonna hit her like a truck at the same time unfortunately 😭. And in general she’s not very good at understanding her peers and has always gotten praised for being “mature for her age” and she’s also not the best at knowing when she’s being taken advantage of. And I don’t think she likes physical contact much please do not hug her she will hate it. Also burger becomes her same food

Fuuka: another one that’s just like oh my god how is this not canon. I think Fuuka is the only person in sees who’s gotten a proper diagnosis, but it happened when she was really young and her parents kept it a secret and ignored it. She’s always been horribly bullied for being gullible and weird and she gets taken advantage of easily. She’s desperate for validation. She’s very smart and passionate about what she loves but feels ashamed about her interests being strange. She’s deeply insecure that because she’s got more limits that she’s being useless to everyone around her. She hates loud noises hates fighting hates yelling and is the type who has frequent meltdowns. She likes to live in her own little world but is also lonely and doesn’t want anyone else to feel as lonely as she has. And i uh, am 100% projecting here but shes not good at eye contact and is always looking at the ground, she moves her arms a lot when she speaks, and she kinda walks weird like she waddles from side to side a bit

Aigis: I mean, she’s a robot so I’m not gonna say anything but also I mean she’s a robot desperately trying to understand humans and emotions so she’s an autistic icon 😩

Ken: I firmly believe Ken would be the type to have like a fursona and make like Sonic ocs and be into neopets absolutely. He knows all the fnaf lore and will be discussing it at the dinner table. He’s gullible but trying his best. He has trouble connecting with his peers. Hes “mature for his age”. He’s absolutely the type to get super bored whenever theres like a romantic subplot or some sort of character exploration subplot in one of his favorite shows he doesn’t understand why they aren’t FIGHTING that’s the BEST PART. It is much easier for him to do something if his special interests are involved he does well in school so that Naruto can be proud of him

Shinji: was a “problem child” he is very smart but sucks at school because he could never understand it and just the whole structure of everything never clicked with him and he’s always been told he’s a failure. He’s very quiet and has “scary” eyes so he was probably called a school shooter by his peers just because of that. He has difficulty with words and expressing himself. He gets along better with animals than he does people. He likes to make himself big to be threatening but whenever he’s in a situation where he actually needs to be social he freezes up and makes himself as small as he possibly can. He is essentially a cat lol. He has a lot of trouble managing his emotions and is the type to have meltdowns where he’s angry and is at risk of hurting himself or others. He wears the same clothes all the time. He has trouble with executive dysfunction and it’s hard for him to keep up with his hygiene. This is just a stupid thing but I love to imagine him as a secret warriors cat kid lol. And I also think he has bpd but that’s for another day

[irkimatsu]

Ooo yes dad reasons too! I was thinking left over habits from being an Overlord for some of it. Make sure he himself is presentable and any of his contracted souls also look well put together.

Also, if he started to get a little too tipsy or anyone made an attempt on his life through poison, putting his hands on someone's shoulders in a "let me fix your collar and sleeves" was would be a good subtle sign to run interference, and offer him a moment to regain balance.

But also just. Becomes such a part of him and so natural to him there are even more subtle differences in the action- like a 'im getting too drunk' squeeze to the nape of the neck, or a second harder tug in a shirt cuff meaning someone was seen smuggling in angelic weapons, a blink and a brushing back of the hair is the 'I've been compromised and poisoned' but they are all only slightly different from his usual action because he can't let a tell get caught out then where would he be? What kind of gambler if it was so easy to see his tells?

Wouldn't be the first time he's woken up with off colored fur, or feathers, and a strange taste in his mouth. 😏

Oh I love the Overlord thing. Yes yes yes. He absolutely needs those tells to subtly communicate to his people when something's wrong. I'm taking this as canon now. The contracted souls he uses as security learn his tells quickly - they have to in order to keep their role. (I imagine "personal bodyguard" is a better job working for Overlord Husk than working the casino bar for a bunch of rowdy drunks who will take their losses out on you. If you get chosen for guard duty you better do all you can to keep it. Protecting Overlord Husk is a much better gig than being regularly spat on.) It's especially fun imagining that whoever is trying to take Husk out doesn't recognize the tells as such - they just think he's stumbling around because he's a sloppy drunk or because the drugs are taking effect, not because he's trying to tell someone to go kick his would-be assassin's ass. And sometimes they are just "I'm fucking wasted, can you please politely excuse me from this event so I can go puke somewhere", so if they do study his little clues only to find out they mean shit like "I need to vomit", they're not going to pay further attention to them. Good strategy of misdirection. Husk knows exactly what he's doing.

And oh-ho-hooooo those strange tastes... as an Overlord? Slightly concerning, but not unusual. It'd be nice if he could remember who he just slept with half the time, but not a big deal. When he has a partner, though? Red fucking alert, dear god, this isn't their fur color in his mouth, what the fuck happened last night, god damn it this is his first serious partner since dying and he cannot fuck this up with his old ways! Damn relief when he finds out he didn't sleep with anyone last night, he just licked his partner's coat before passing out against them

[sunset-of-the-void]

okay ive been trying to organize my thoughts forever and its not exactly working so. i'm just gonna launch things in as short and concise as i can make it so i dont ramble incoherantly forever (/lh)

so,, i'll start with my perception of norton, because by god i think i should think about him more,,,

i'm not gonna touch on his mom because i have no clue what the fuck happened to her honestly, but i think norton's dad has always been kind of. accidentally distant? like in a way you could tell he cared for his son, but there was probably always an air of stress/tiredness about him (similar to norton as he aged) that got worse from the black lung and aging, and also the way that they were never guarenteed to have necessities all the time was something that occupied his mind a lot. (i imagine personally that while the two were never close, norton could understand the reasons why hence choosing to stay by his side once he fell bedridden)

also, while norton probably didn't work in the mines for his entire life, he'd probably do small jobs on the side to help out with funds, especially considering his lack of an (official? authentic?? i cant recall the word im looking for) education in canon, so you know. he's been aware of the concept of money and status for a while i'd assume, even moreso when he starts working in the mines as a teenager (which i'd assume is when his father's illness starts worsening as well) and people there are just. ruthless i'd imagine. considering in his trailer he looks (debatably?) younger than the other men it's probably from both a mix of him being a newer worker and possibly being worse off than them as well plus the stress on him having to be the only provider for two people, one of which is ill as well, as a teenager proobably doesnt help much with the situation either...... i've not much to add other than this, though touching on his personality in the manor, despite being reserved and a liittle grumpy he is very sweet once you get past the walls he put up! he's the type of person to help someone who needs it (albeit he may make a show of being reluctant about it) but he does know what its like to struggle and how much a helping hand could mean to someone. he's still very empathetic in my mind :]

very very briefly onto andrew because if i dont limit myself this will be soo much longer. but i'll try not to get too excited and i'll cut out most of his life (pretty much all of it up to about laz cemetary)

so basically andrew also had similar situations being born in poverty, while norton managed to gain financial security as he became a prospector (i think?) andrew didnt really. get that at all. even when working with laz (if he did, there wouldnt be a reason to be tempted by grave robbing, right???) and i personally assume people would price gouge him for the sake of him being "impure" or whatever, so even with the pay from mikhail/percy it never really lasted quite long enough,,,,

andrew only left after getting caught by marshall, and fled immediately after the (accidental) murder. (to summarize it shortly andrew panicked and stabbed him a few times with the shovel and then accidentally buried him while he was still alive in a nearby patch of dirt) and he showed up to the manor with. practically nothing. he had a change of clothes, his shovel, and some trinkets that were dear to him, and to me he kind of traveled on foot the nearly whole time to the manor (using the funds he had left from the final deal of the "slabs" to take a train as far as he could with the money)

so now like.. the actual current important thing (sorry dhsjdjfj......)

once andrew shows up to the manor he's in ah. generally pretty bad shape. and people kind of have one of two reactions of either "wow this guys one of the stranger ones" or "this guy needs. a lot of help" (depending on how you look at it) and norton kind of realizes almost immediately from andrew's general anxious demeanour and gaunt figure that he has nothing going for him, so why would he make that worse?? plus in the manor norton kind of gravitates away from nobility/aristocracy i believe and andrew is very. noticably not either of those, andrew is just grateful that norton's not reacting negatively to his very presence and he puts a lot of trust in norton. (like, norton gets a fuck ton of life stories that luca and emil dont hear about) im working on a fic of their first technical interaction and im not sure if i'll ever finish it since ive been stewing it since like.. april but they're cute to me

Hello! Very excited to read through this

To be honest i dont think norton's mom is mentioned like ever. At least in nothing i personally have read. I do agree that hia family would have been distant. They were in living in poverty and it puts a strain on anyone much less a family. To me it aids in norton's cutthroat nature of just having a life of anything but the suffering of poverty.

I would love to read the fic once you finish it! I really like andrew and norton getting each other as they have both been ostracized from society for being poor and then for Andrew being albino! I was going to have a lot more to say but i dont think it would have added much to this. I will be marinating on thoughts for this thank you so much for the ramble friend!

[crossedsabers10s]

I really like the ship klamon but the thing is i haven't a clue on how it could fit in canon. I'm like thinking of a gradual thing where they're like slowly going from enemies? to allies to frenemies to lovers, (all the stages filled with appropriate sass, sarcasm and bickering ofcourse) because I'm a sucker for slowburns. Like they are somewhere between allies and frenemies in TVD and then in TO they finally get together. Do you have any ideas on how this could happen in canon. And how to stick klamon in 'The Originals'? And how it would change the plot?

akf;dlfjakdfj a okay, just a warning, this ain't my rodeo. I'll do my best, but I don't consider myself good at writing Klaus. Plus their respective control issues make this a lil tricky...

Okay, so. You know how Alaric was possessed by Klaus that one time? That would make a good beginning. Give him an up close and more personal perspective on Damon, who he'd only know via rep and Stefan before this. I mean I think he'd mostly considered Damon someone who was Katherine's toy and was still dogging after doppelgangers (Elena) at that point? But in Alaric's body, he'd be a bit closer, have a measure of trust. So Damon wouldn't be quite as in-ur-face-fuck-you as he would have been. (I mean. Still, a little, bc I think he's allergic to showing genuine emotion at that point, at least under normal circumstances, he let his guard down around Elena a lot more) So mayyybe Damon kidnaps AlariKlaus to try and find out more on Big Bad Klaus??? Research spree, contacts some witches whatevs. They probably hit a bunch of dead ends, evenif they did manage to find a lead, AlariKlaus would nip that shit in the bud. Just trailing along, having fun listening to his own legend and watching Damon get more and more frustrated.

Maybe they learn more about what Klaus did to Katherine or someone else or a hundred other stories where he'd taken revenge on a person and burned down their entire life. And Damon, annoyed and doing that im-not-joking-but-people-will-assume-i-am thing alludes to his Augustine revenge spree. Maybe something along the lines of like 'yeah, well, that's not special, I've done similar. Just ask-*insert massacre here*' Which. Alaric would not connect those dots. He'd think it some kind of joke in poor taste. Klaus? Connects a few. He'd heard about it. Those deaths had obviously been a vampire, but no one had known who. Until now.

Damon is suddenly a little bit more interesting.

And he's got to have some kind of hobby so he starts trying to unravel Damon Salvatore. Starts paying attention to him. Does a good job of acting friendly, but starts shedding a little of Ric. Then a little more, less on purpose. Starts fucking with his head, making him second guess his relationships, make him question if he's still chasing after Katherine by trying to protect Elena. All under the guise of pretending to be his friend.

Wow this got a lil dark.

Anyways. Canon. Except Damon has to contend with the fact that he'd liked the person he'd thought he was becoming close with. And that person is not who he thought he was. And Klaus is still studying Damon, who he now knows better and maybe holds a bit more regard for.

Okay my brain is fried, i need nap. Hope u like the start tho. Feel free to use it as u please.

[sunshinechay]

Sorry not sorry you NEED to info dump me on prapapski I need to be convinced to watch this show. Im on the edge of getting into it, but im feeling lazy LOL. Push me into the void! Im ready!! Im immune to spoilers, just lay it on me XD

Well, you asked for it. Haha XD Putting it under a cut because this is long! sorry not sorry

First of all, PrapaiSky has, in my opinion, god tier relationship development. Prapai starts off as a total fuckboy, who is creepy to say the least, who becomes just the best boyfriend one could ask for to his Sky. I’ve described Sky before as a traumatized little bumblebee and I think it holds up. He can be prickly, standoffish and even downright mean, but he is also funny, fierce and an extremely loyal friend. He actually goes through the trouble and trauma of calling his ex to find out where the illegal street race is supposed to be taking place because Rain wanted to break in so he could fuck some shit up for Phayu. Sky, underneath it all, just wants someone who will love and cherish him. He has so much fear and anxiety and even depression linked to his romantic past. The way he acts is helpful in deterring most people, but Pai is not most people. XD

They start as a one night stand, that only happens because Prapai makes a bad (semi) joke/proposition after Sky chases Rain into the illegal race track. Sky needs to be able to leave without security taking him away and, it is implied, doing him physical harm/possibly killing him. Pai says he can get Sky out of the race but Sky has to do something for him. Implying but never outrightly stating that what he wants is sex, to which Sky agrees because he doesn’t want security to get him. This in itself does boarder on sexual cocertion, which is a big ass yikes, though it is clear through context clues that while Sky might not be happy to be put in this position, he definitely enjoys the sex, though he does not have a high opinion of Pai afterward. Which honestly, would anyone? I know I wouldn’t haha. Of course we realize later than even if Sky had said no to Pai, Pai would have gotten him out anyway because Pai is a lot of things but he is not that kind of asshole.

Ngl, Prapai is pretty creepy towards the beginning of his persuit of Sky. Like the first episode or so of their story (ep8 for the series as a whole), I want to smack Pai across the head and tell Sky to run very far away. But that does not last long and as soon as Sky realizes that Pai is just your home grown, organic, garden variety fuckboy rather than the actual scum of the earth that his ex is, he is more open to at least spending time with him, since Pai is so persistent in his persuit.

You see Sky is a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, a fact he has told literally no one since it happened. Not Rain, not any of his friends, not even his dad. It’s often why he acts the way he does. He is very afraid to let anyone, including his friends, get to close to him emotionally. Prapai blatantly doesn’t listen to any of this, and keeps pursuing Sky because he genuinely wants to know Sky and wants to be with him. He is so tight lipped about it that he hasn’t even told Rain his ex is a guy. He doesn’t tell Pai about his past until the last episode, after Sky’s ex attempts to sexual assault him.

It’s around the time that Sky gets sick that you really start to see the kind of couple they will become. Sky gets sick due to his trauma. Sky begins to have nightmares around this time, which starts to cause panic attacks as well as insomnia. It is in part because of Pai insisting he be allowed to woo Sky. Pai still does not know about Sky’s trauma and thus thinks that Sky is just a tough nut to crack but if he keeps going he can do it. His smile is just so adorable that you mostly forgive him for his crimes, though I did side eye him a lot during these first few episodes.

One of the things I love about this part though is that, if you pay attention to what Sky is thinking about the whole situation, it ultimately isn’t even really about Pai, more the idea of history repeating itself. Sky’s self esteem and self worth, understandably, takes a pretty big nose dive in the wake of what happened to him and the things that Sky says to himself point to him not believing that someone like Pai could actually have feels for him, that there is no way Pai is serious about all of this. He just wants to have fun and get some sex out of the deal. Which is a big problem for Sky, because he, a) already knows exactly how good at sex Pai is and (I think anyway) would definitely be down for a repeat performance and b) is actually starting to really like Pai. He likes that Pai had an easy going guy who, on the surface at least (not just on the surface Sky), just wants to get to know Sky and have fun with him. He likes that Pai doesn’t react when Sky is mean to him, just teases Sky about it. He likes that Pai tries to bring him meals because he knows Sky is a college student in a really competitive faculty. He is terrified that he will get in too deep and fall in love again only to have the rug ripped out from under him and be left more broken and more damaged and more unloveable than he already believes he is.

Sky ends up fainting in class, which freaks the hell out of his friends, which are another friend group that I love, though they do not have enough development in my opinion. The problem is, because they are all in the same faculty, they have a lot of responsibilities in terms of school work and getting everything they need done. Sky can be excused because of his illness but the rest of them can’t. Rain ends up calling Pai to come and take care of Sky because someone needs to stay with him and Sky’s father doesn’t live close enough to Bangkok to come and Rain has too much school work that he won’t be able to finish if he tries leaving to get it and coming back. To Rain, Pai seems like the more logical option, since Prapai isn’t in school and thus doesn’t have those responsibilities. As well, Sky knows Pai and Rain thinks (only somewhat incorrectly) that they are close enough that Pai is an ideal choice to be Sky’s caretaker.

Pai gladly agrees and proceeds to take the best care of Sky he knows how to provide. Dude literally googles how to take care of sick people at home and even calls his mother because he doesn’t want to fuck anything up. The sick montage is so fucking adorable. As Sky starts to get better and better, the two spend more and more time together. Like Pai actually calls the president/CEO of his company (aka his dad because of course haha) about needing time off and ends up doing a whole bunch of work at Sky’s dorm so he doesn’t fall behind but also doesn’t want to leave Sky. The man dotes on Sky like Sky is the more perfect being in the universe (as he should!). Sky, for his part, starts to realize that Pai isn’t like his ex. That Pai is much better than his ex. He’s still not sure how much he’s willing to believe but oh boy is Sky falling even harder than he was before. It is definitely a “Prapai fell first but Sky fell harder” situation going on. It’s the best! At one point, Sky wakes up in the middle of the night to see that Pai has fallen asleep next to him on the bed, laptop open, papers everywhere, because Sky was holding his hand (because nightmares) and he didn’t want to go anywhere. Sky goes to touch Pai and ends up accidentally waking him up. Pai realizes the way he fell asleep and goes to clean up his work papers, only for Sky (who was pretending to still be asleep) to grab his arm and pretend to be having another nightmare so Pai wouldn’t leave. Don’t try and tell me my boy isn’t already completely gone over Pai, because you would be wrong! Boy wants to be close to Pai, but at this point, doesn’t have the words or courage to ask for the kind of physical and emotional closeness that he craves. With Pai caring for him though, he is slowly starting to find the words/build up the courage.

The funny thing is that Pai basically ends up a squatter in Sky’s dorm. He ends up there all of the time. To hang out with Sky, to eat with Sky, even just to sleep (which Sky makes him do on the floor haha). At one point, he manages to get Sky to agree to go out on a date with him and they still end up back at Sky’s dorm after. This also leads to one of the best of their romantic scenes. Prapai tries to draw wind on a piece of paper, and later Sky’s hand, but can’t because he was a business major, not an art student. He doesn’t know anything about art (Prapai’s brother, even makes a comment to him about how Pai would skip art class when he was in high school). Sky ends up also drawing an image of wind on Pai’s hand and Pai literally traces an image of it and gets his brother to make him a lapel pin of it. Boy is so fucking corny that when Sky sees it for the first time, Pai tells him it’s so everyone will know who Pai belongs too. Corny, but effective I suppose because while playfully embarrassed, it is VERY clear how much Sky loves the idea. Boy even shows up at Sky’s school during the end ceremony for the freshmen week, just because he heard from Phayu that it was going to go on all night and he was worried about Sky getting sick again because he is still recovering (which to be fair, literally all of Sky’s friends are worried about the same thing).

Even the rare time he ends up actually going home, Pai still ends up at Sky’s dorm. Granted it was because he thought something bad was happening to Sky…well he wasn’t wrong, just not the kind of bad that Pai was expecting. Sky got an extra assignment that day that was due the next day and that he will definitely not finish in time if he doesn’t have help…so he calls Pai, who races over because he thinks Sky’s hurt or dying and yeah no, he’s neither of those things. It’s also the first time we see him get angry with Sky and even then, boy manages to keep an absolute lid on the whole thing. It’s easy to tell he’s angry, but he keeps calm and explains to Sky that Sky needs to explain better when he panicking and he calls Pai. You know, cause Pai is very glad that Sky would think to call him and will definitely come no matter what, but god damnit don’t scare him like that next time Sky! Haha. Healthy communication! That’s the way to do it. And of course because your boy is a simp, he still helps Sky’s complete his assignment and even drives him to school the next day.

According to Pai, the whole thing is worth it because Sky kisses him. It’s a really cute scene where Sky asks what he can do to make up for making Pai panic and Pai jokes that as punishment, Sky should kiss him. He very clearly does not expect Sky to do anything of the sort, which leads to an adorably shocked expression when Sky actually does kiss him, pictured below. Boy even manages to score some more points when Sky tells that a single kiss, especially from Sky, sounds like a shitty rewards for helping him. Pai tells him that different people put different value on stuff and Sky is priceless to him. 👍👍 You go Pai, you win over your boy with corny lines and earnestness.

All of this happens around episode 10, which along with episode 11 are two of my favourite episodes of the series. These two episodes are, for the most part, the two of them existing in their little love bubble, getting to know each other and learning how they fit together. We get to see them develop their communication skills with each other a lot more, though it definitely isn’t perfect. In episode 11, Sky makes his last ditch effort to drive Pai away…by making him clean the bathroom in Sky’s dorm XD. Despite not really knowing how to clean a bathroom, Pai does it anyway, and then, on Sky’s orders, tidies up Sky’s entire dorm room. Pai wants to prove that he committed to Sky. But honestly who wouldn’t be, Sky is fucking amazing. Pai is committed to showing Sky that he’s in for the long haul, that he isn’t going anywhere any time soon, no matter how much Sky tries to push him away. He wants to be around Sky for as long as Sky is willing to let him be. It’s to the point where he almost refuses Sky when Sky finally says he’s giving in and is willing to have sex with Pai.

Sky literally gets on top of him and takes off his shirt and ya boy Pai is still trying to explain that he doesn’t want just sex from Sky. He wants Sky’s everything. He gives in though and the two of them have sex (read make love) because of course they do. Pai might be a lot of things, but he is not going to turn down sex with Sky, ever, for any reason. If his Sky wants sexy times, sexy times they shall have. This is also the nc scene where my icon comes from. It’s my favourite shot in this entire show. Fort and Peat act their asses off and you can really feel about much they love each other even if Sky is not ready to admit that he loves Pai just yet…and all they do is stare into each other’s eyes. I’m an deceased, bury me now, I am so gone for them it’s insane. I have no rational mind left. Leave me in this second, to stare at them as they looking into each other’s eyes. So much love unspoken but both know it’s there, even if they aren’t ready to fully talk about it. (I am in a glass case of emotion!!)

Episode 12 is…a wild ride. There are happy times, blow jobs if you watch the extended box set version of the episode but there is also the final test of their relationship which is literally Pai’s fuckboy past coming back to haunt him and Sky trying desperately to detect himself from Pai as a result. It all in the end leads to the endgame of the episode, which is Sky (after breaking up with Pai earlier in the episode) going back to his dorm for the first time in days, to find Pai has somehow got in (my money is on Joy, the dorm manager and grade a gossip who has been enabling Pai since day one, though Pai says he ‘found a key’ 😒), waiting for him. Turns out, yeah he found Sky’s journal and ends up reading out loud.

It’s a scene that I love because it completely lays bare what Sky has been thinking the entire time. How much he loves Pai, even though he doesn’t have the courage to say it out loud. I also hate it because it is completely heart breaking as Sky spends so much of it desperate for Pai to stop reading it out loud because he doesn’t want to be reminded of what he was thinking when he dared to be happy with Pai. Poor boy believes himself to be so unloveable that he genuinely questions if there is even a way for him to get Pai to only pay attention to him, to not get bored of him, to only love him. Like he could almost believe Pai was before he saw Pai seemingly cuddling close to someone on a couch at a party they had gone too. It was definitely a bone head move on Pai’s part, to allow his old hook up to get that close to him, but he also spends the entire scene attempting to gently disengage the other boy from himself so he can get back to Sky. Pai might have a master’s degree but he is also dumb as hell sometimes and is often nice to a fault and doesn’t want to be rude to the other boy. But remember, Sky is very traumatized little bumblebee who jumps to conclusions because his trauma takes over…trauma Pai still doesn’t even know he has!!! (Seriously, at this point the only thing Pai knows is that Sky dated someone in high school, that that boy is responsible for the nipple piercing that Sky no longer has in and that the relationship between Sky and his ex ended badly…that’s it!) (Side note, Pai is just obsessed with Sky’s nipples. This never goes away, not that Sky seems to have much of a problem with it beyond token protests lol).

This is also their “I love you” scene. After he finished reading the journal, Pai tells Sky that he loves him, after faking him out by saying he doesn’t like him anymore. (Seriously what is it with Pai and Phayu. Both used this tactic when telling Sky and Rain that they liked him. Rain almost cries, Sky actually cries.) Despite it all, I can’t get too mad at Pai for this. Again, Pai is many things, but his patients is not infinite and a little petty revenge when he’s still angry enough to say it, well I get that. After he confesses, he asks Sky how Sky feels about him, to which Sky, still kind of sobbing, though in relief at this point I think, admits he is also in love with Pai. Such a happy scene but even then, it still does break my heart a little as Sky also begs Pai not to leave him. Pai answers that he never will, and we as the audience definitely knows that’s true but it is still sad to hear Sky say it. Pai is a simp, there is no other word for him. Boy exists only to love Sky at this point…well he also works for his dad’s company and loves motorcycle racing but really that’s all secondary to just how much he wants to shower love and affection on Sky.

The two talk it out. Love to see them engaging in that healthy honest communication (takes notes Kim!). Sky might not be over his trauma, but even if Pai doesn’t know about it to reassure him and help him tackle it head on, Sky knows that he’ll be able to get through it as long as he has Pai and as long as he knows Pai is committed to him and loves him. Pai is never not going to be committed to you Sky, you have nothing to worry about.

We even get a shining example in episode 13 when after having another nightmare, Sky calls Pai and asks if he can come over. Pai literally drops everything (he was racing that night and if I recall correctly, doesn’t do a race because of Sky’s call. Not a big deal, but it definitely shocks Phayu) and races over (hehe). This show actually has one of the only real aftercare scenes I can remember seeing in a bl, as Pai help Sky to clean up after they have sex. Score another point for Pai over the asshole ex, as the ex never did this for Sky ever and always made him do it himself.

Look at the smile on those boys faces! They are so blissfully in love, it’s rotting my teeth as we speak! Of course this means that something else has to come in a fuck shit up and boy does the asshole ex ever fuck shit up. The first time Sky wants to go an watch Pai race, he runs into the asshole ex (who’s name is technically Gun, but I’m sticking with asshole ex). We get lots of flashbacks about their relationship and we get the full picture and turns out that not only is the ex an asshole, he also could be considered a groomer…As he was a fully grown ass man when they met, while Sky was 15-16. I think the asshole ex is about the same age as Pai and Phayu. The ages in this whole show are funny but if we assume that Pai is about 24-25 in present, than the asshole ex can’t be older than that, but is likely around the same age…which means he was at least 21-22 to Sky’s 15-16 when they ‘dated’. (The ages in this show really are fucky. We know Rain is 19 at the beginning of the series, but we never find out if Sky is older or younger than Rain. I’m inclined to say older but who the hell knows but they were likely born the same year. That puts Sky at 19, but also time has pasted since the start of the series, and they’re in their second year of uni now but no birthdays have been mentioned so ahhhhh! This is also one of those times we can’t use the actors ages as Fort, despite playing the older Pai was 21 when they filmed this series while Peat, playing Sky, was 25).

Long story short, the asshole ex all but kidnaps Sky. He comes up with an extremely convoluted plan to get Sky away from Pai, by tricking Rain into believe Pai is asking him via security guard, to take Sky back to his condo as Sky was saying he wasn’t feeling well (which after seeing the asshole ex, I would have said the same thing). Rain goes back to the race and Pai, being the absolutely amazing attentive boyfriend he is, realizes that someone lied to Rain in an effort to get Sky alone and together with Phayu and Rain, races to condo to save Sky.

There is a heavy trigger warning for abuse/IPV and sexual assault in this episode. While what happens in episode 8 is mild and could be considered either way depending on how you interpret Pai’s intentions and Sky’s reaction/actions, there is no such confusion with this episode. The ex gets Sky alone with the express purpose of fucking with him and assaulting him because he really is just that horrible of a person. Despite saying he “threw Sky away because he was bored of him” he still wants to continue to ruin Sky’s life because Sky finally felt safe enough to begin the long process of moving on. There isn’t any actual assault, the weather boys manage to get there before anything happens and stop him. With Pai almost beating the asshole ex to death. The only reason he doesn’t it because Phayu begs him not too. (You should have just done it Pai, the fucker deserves it.) There is however a flashback where we see the beginning of when the asshole ex’s friends (yes plural) assault Sky while asshole ex watched. It is difficult to watch, so proceed with caution.

Sky has gone kind of catatonic and Pai is the one who manages to get him to respond. He also takes Sky home, like to his family home, not to Sky’s dorm, where Sky is finally able to be honest with Pai about what happened to him. It’s a heart break but also heart warming scene. Listening to Sky explain in his own words what happened is heart breaking (like I cried the first time I watched this scene), but Pai’s response is heartwarming. Sky spends a lot of time insult himself and I absolutely love that Pai never tries to tell him he’s wrong. Like Pai knows Sky is wrong about the way he sees himself. He knows Sky isn’t broken or trash or any other awful thing he might call himself, but Pai also knows that just saying “no Sky you’re wrong, you are not those things” isn’t going to help in that moment. Sky will not respond well to being told that. So instead he is quiet and he listens. Really listens and affirms that he is there for Sky, that he isn’t going anywhere, that Pai loves him and Sky can love Pai. That Pai is the only one who gets to have Sky while they are together. (Another trauma by the asshole ex is that the ex tells Sky, right before he’s about to be sexually assaulted, is that he is bored of Sky and so he is letting his friends have his now broken toy…I really hate this man so much. Side note though, the actor who plays the asshole ex does such a good job. I really want to see him in more things, though hopefully not in a villainous role this time haha).

It’s a really amazing scene and once again Fort and Peat (especially Peat) brings their absolute a game. You really feel for Sky. Like I always wanted Sky to have nice things the whole time, for him to be able to move on, but after that scene. It increases tenfold, especially when you realize that while Sky’s life is not magically going to get better, he is not going to just wake up tomorrow and not be traumatized, he is going to be able to move forward. He finally has the support, space and feeling of safety he needs to truly be able to move on, not just for Pai or his father or his friends, but for himself. He wants to get better for himself and Pai is committed to making sure he is there every step of the way. Pai is committed to making sure that Sky knows that “the wind will always protect the sky” (not sure if that’s the direct quote from the show, but I’m pretty sure it’s pretty close).

(Actually footage of me approximately 30 seconds into episode 8.)

I really honestly love both couples in this series, but something about PrapaiSky has me in a chokehold. The growth the two of them have, not just personal growth but the growth of their relationship. They go from being this couple where one doesn’t know if he actually even wants to have sex with the other/wants to have him around/feeling like he needs to push him away to protect himself and the other is pushy and only barely respects the others boundary to a couple that understands each other and are there for each other. They figure out how to communicate with each other in a healthy way. They learn about each other, to respect each other. They confide in each other. While PhayuRain seems to be aware of some details of Sky’s past in the special episode, I definitely get the feeling that Sky never really tells them the whole truth about what happened to him. They know the broad strokes but nothing in detail while means that for better or worse, the only person Sky ever tells everything too is Pai. I know that Sky will have the courage one day to tell his father, and probably Rain as well, but that day hasn’t happened yet.

Prapai actually does a pre-proposal to Sky in the special episode. Telling him that he wants to marry Sky one day, really marry him. Pai really hopes that same sex marriage will be legalized in Thailand soon because he wants to be married to Sky in the eyes of the law too. Partly to get married but also partly to make sure he can continue to take care of Sky in the future, the way any legally married couple can. Pai also tells Sky that he is completely willing to wait until Sky is ready. Whether it’s after Sky graduates from school, or after he gets his first job or builds his first house, he doesn’t know, but when Sky is ready, he’s going to proposal for real. The thing that endears me to it even more, is that Sky even asks what will happen if he’s never ready. Pai just tells him that that’s okay because he’s going to take care of Sky forever.

Pai makes it clear from day one that he wants to be with Sky. By his own admission, it was mostly about sex at first. Sky was that one night stand that he couldn’t forget, but Pai realizes very quickly that he doesn’t just want sex from Sky. He wants anything and everything that Sky is willing to give him. It might take Sky a little while longer to really admit that he feels the same, but he does get there.

Pai is, in my opinion, in a lot of ways, the perfect match for Sky. He is pushy, but Sky needs someone who is pushy sometimes, to force him to confront things he knows he needs too, but would rather ignore. He needs someone who reminds him to take care of himself, to make sure he eats when he’s working and sleeps when he’s tired, even if he is in a time crunch for an assignment. Sky needs someone who will occasionally worship the ground he walks on, to remind him that the things he tells himself in the darkest parts of his mind aren’t true. That he has people who love him. That Pai loves him unconditionally and will not hesitate to show him.

Sky conversely is also perfect for Pai. Pai needs someone who is willing to call him out, who is doesn’t put up with his bullshit but can also be equally as playful and daring as he is. (I’m looking at you board room sex from the special episode and the implication that Sky planned and prepped for the whole thing.) Pai needs someone who forces him to mature a lot, to develop the kind of good communication skills you need if you want a working relationship. Pai needs someone to worship. He needs someone who will take charge occasionally, someone who knows who Pai is and knows how to interact with him better than he knows himself.

I am so not normal about PrapaiSky haha. They are just so good and while they may not be everyone’s cup of tea (and that’s okay) they definitely are mine. Both Fort and Peat do such a good job with these characters and are able to make me believe in these two in a way I don’t think other actors could. I’m going to be rewatching Love In The Air for a long time, and obsessing over PrapaiSky for equally as well haha, and I’m definitely okay with that

[sharkgirls]

honestly the whole reason I avoid talking out loud is because I can have something to say from a full intellectual sounding talk point to a very simple thing and I can start to speak and then my brain will be like, “Alright you’re done” and Im just standing there with no clue how to make idea into words anymore, so now I sound like an idiot and or sound like I just said something really bad that could use further elaboration to make it sound less bad, but now I have to stick with the consequences of what I said and have created a huge misunderstanding all because my brain decides to retire midday way through the job. Like Im trying to pay someone a compliment and now I’ve said something vague and have to live with it because my brain is just like, “They’ll figure it out or they won’t not my problem”

The other reason is I have no idea what people are saying sometimes. Like I installed a whole subroutine for laughter so I wouldn’t be that jackass standing there unresponsive never changing expression. And of course I quit that when I got caught. Best I can do is look at you. And then people have the audacity to tell me, “I do fine, I talk I listen. I do ok.” Like no, no. I am struggling like a deer in the middle of the Atlantic. Just because you’ve seen me functional does not mean you understand how many conversations I have fucked up. I talk when I feel absolutely sure I will not fuck up. Ive also grown accustomed to this shit and just make silly noises when I fail and move on with my life. Still doesn’t change the fact I am struggling to language which I sometimes just blame English. I blame the language. Now people assume Im from somewhere else and I have to lie to them or tell the truth. And if my language processing reactivates, Im fucking lying. Not always because I want to, but I will say whatever is easier at this point.

[prism-empurress]

you want xehanort lore? here is my best attempt based on what i know. i havent beaten the game where time travel got involved so this is uh. before things got too bad

so xehanort was a keyblade master who was training this kid ventus. then one day he felt a bit silly and wanted to restart a war for science so he stabbed a child to split his heart into two halves (ventus, pure light, and vanitas, pure dark) and then gave ventus (actively dying because of having his heart you know. ripped in half) to his old pal eraqus to deal with and kept vanitas. his GOAL was that vanitas and ventus would eventually fight and somehow form this old weapon called the x-blade (not to be confused with the keyblade despite being pronounced the same) because something something it forms when equal light and dark powers clash i think? idk. anyways i literally have no clue what happened at the end of bbs because i wasnt paying attention but iirc that plan only semi worked and ventus ended up in a fucking coma for 10 years. in the meantime i think xehanort was uh. i feel like his goal was immortality but i could be mixing him up with william afton. anyways he norted a boy. that boy was terra. basically he just possessed him. so theres terranort now. then aqua i think beat him up then dropped him off in radiant garden before going to the void

terranort then took a quick detour to get a phd in unethical science with notoriously totally definitely not the worst character ever ansem the wise. he learned about how to release peoples hearts and then uh. idr how this happened exactly BUT HE DID IT TO HIMSELF AND MAYBE CONVINCED ANSEM TW's OTHER APPRENTICES TO DO IT TOO????? anyways so oops! he now has split himself in half. not the same way he split ventus in half though he split himself in half in like a normal way, aka into a heartless and a nobody

tldr explanation for heartless and nobodies, heartless are peoples hearts that have succumbed to darkness and nobodies are the body they leave behind. if you have a strong will, your nobody is basically just a kinda funky copy of yourself without a heart. also if you choose to succumb to darkness instead of being overtaken by it, then you remain sentient as a heartless <-(this is also why sora was a very polite heartless, since he released his own heart). xehanort filled both of those conditions, so his heartless was ansem seeker of darkness and his nobody was xemnas. neither of them are ansem in any way shape or form and i genuinely cannot remember if there was a reason for him naming himself after ansem besides spite.

anyways. xemnas goes on to form a cult of nobodies with the other 5 apprentices that lost their hearts and a handful of other people he found. meanwhile, ansem sod is hanging out on the island sora and riku live on and is being weird to children. riku is feeling a bit silly and also jealous that his crush doesnt need him and so he accidentally destroys his home and starts hanging out with the demons. ansem sod decides that it would be really funny to possess this kid and so he tells riku that the darkness holds the secrets to free robux if he just succumbs to it. unfortunately no free robux awaits riku and ansem sod norts his second boy. its fine though, sora got exorcised him and then killed him with the power of friendship.

meanwhile, xemnas' cult is thriving. until it isnt. sora killed like half their members then tripped and fell so hard that he got amnesia and now hes in a coma while namine tries to fix him. theyve recruited soras nobody, this weird quiet kid named roxas, to go kill a bunch of heartless with the goal of completing kingdom hearts. what is kingdom hearts? great question im not sure. its like this big heart moon / the heart of all worlds? idk its where hearts go when theyre not heartless. xemnas tells his cult that completing kingdom hearts will give them all back their hearts and so they all are going along with it because they want their hearts back. except roxas who doesnt really care about this whole humanity thing but hes being bribed to stay with ice cream. but soon not even ice cream is enough to get him to stay. roxas decides to go out and find himself (literally!) and then immediately gets kidnapped by riku who is sad that his boyfriend is in a coma and snatched roxas to bring back to ansemtw so they could wake sora up. roxas then dies tragically. goodbye roxas!

sora then goes on to kill pretty much the rest of their members (except for axel who kills himself) and then tells xemnas to go die and then he and riku kill him with the power of... friendship........ totally just friendship

and then i stopped paying attention! hope this helps :>>

holy fucking shit, you really went above and beyond for this and I really must thank you more than just typing "thank you" here. THIS IS SO CRAZY!!! I'm fucking cackling over the robux bit too, that was brilliantly placed. I know NOTHING of kingdom hearts, but now I know...this guy! kinda! Again thank you, holy shit, I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day!

[starsarefire824]

Ask for demons fic! I really hope Mike can learn to open up more about his trauma especially since in the latest chapter he slipped into his disassociate mode when with Will and kudos for Will seeing something was wrong. Also nice parallel of the byler scene low-key mirroring the madwheeler scene when Max clued in Mike was switched into a diff mindset.

Hope Troy is able to get the help he needs or maybe even pays Richards a not so friendly visit since he finally faced/stood up to his dad. Cuz if it wasn't for Troy's dad being an unsafe adult then Troy could've had a smidgen of the support Will has in regards to his pain.

I love Will being patient with Mike even though he's jealous and for Mike to loudly express that despite his bond with Troy, Mike actively chooses Will to be with in the end and how excited he was that Will trusts to be more intimate with Mike. You really write Mike all adorably cute which shows even more the tragedy of his past/current self. The "could have been should have been" had Richards not got to him.

NYC is proving to be good for the boys and I can't wait to see Byler literally aid out all their demons but I enjoy the process of taking baby steps as opposed to rushing all in. Mike actually is taking his time and reflecting and Will isn't freaking out and navigating cuz he's been through it before. So sad to see its almost over 😭

I agree! I think Mike has made some headway, especially with finally being able to open to Will and clue him in to the actual truth. But yes! I think he still has some things he’ll need to tell Will and also, just for himself too so that he can break out of some of his bad habits, not hurt Will in the same way he hurts Troy, and also learn to not degrade himself because it’s what he was told was his worth by an abuser. At least, I think in the latest chapter, it felt like he’s willing to take the first step, which can be the hardest.

We’ll have to see where that goes once he and Will spend more time together.

Oh God, what I would pay for Troy to give Richards a not so friendly visit!!! Could you imagine? I have to say, your absolute disdain for Richards really is so lovable. We could think of all the horrible things he deserves. I am not sure if things are going the way they expect or not, but I hope they like the outcome! 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Im so fucking stoked you think this Mike is adorable??? That makes me thrilled and yesssss I think Mike choosing Will, making that decision, is so important for him.

I think babysteps is right for them. Everything has been so intense between them since the beginning but i think they both realized somewhere along the way that they both have their issues and desperately want things to work out with each other so they are both choosing to be patient and take their time with each other in a lot of ways which im not sure is either of their, especially Mike’s, normal state.

I am so sad this one is coming to an end too! I think it might be one of my byler fics i am most proud of, and it feels good that some people have also been enjoying and have stuck with me until the end!

Thanks Lex always for your kind and thoughtful comments/insight! I always look forward to it and deeply appreciate it.

[socks-is-scared]

Ok so as someone who started using this website right before Elon announced taking Twitter, I just want to talk about my take on (some of) the changes since then because, in theory, they should be targeted towards my demographic.

Blazing: I think this was new when I joined, but I didn’t think it seemed bad. You can pay to make your post reach more people, probably to attract brand accounts to the site. I can’t say I’ve seen a lot of brand accounts since then on my dash but I’ve seen a lot of blazed posts for photography. Didn’t really mess with how I had used tumblr at the time, doesn’t change anything now. It’s cool

Buying Checkmarks: taking the piss on twitter, which was funny at the time. However I’ve noticed people with more checkmarks will often have posts on my dash that are kinda cut off? I assume the checkmarks reached a second row and pushed the text out of the post but it’s kinda annoying. This has really only happened to me on mobile and is a pretty rare occasion, but i just don’t understand how this kinda thing happened in the first place? Was it not accounted for that some users would have ridiculous amounts of checkmarks?

Tumblr live: I’m gonna be honest, I thought this was a gaslighting thing from the community. Fucking never showed up for me, but from what I understand nobody liked it. My rule of thumb is if your feature is “opt out” for no reason, you never had confidence in it in the first place.

Side bar: why is it there? Isn’t all the stuff it shows already available on the top of the screen in the desktop application? And why? I honestly liked how tumblr payed out there stuff compared to other social media because it just felt different. It just seems like tumblr is trying to become new twitter, which is not a good look bestie.

Icon hiding: this is the newest one and I hate it so much. Why do I even have a pfp if nobody is gonna ever see it? Why am I able to display stupid checkmarks and badges if they don’t show when I reblog a post? A lot of these changes just feel needless, and this one by far is the stupidest.

Now, for a change of pace, what would be some changes I would actually LIKE to see as a newer user?

Tagging presets: when I reblog a post, or hell even post my own, wether I tag it at all or not depends purely on how I feel at the moment. For me rebloging feels like it should be able to be done quick. To remedy this, I think you should be able to have custom presets near the tag button. Like say I wanna reblog some art, I could click my “art” preset to automatically put down all the tags I would want when reblogging a post like that (Art, Not Mine, Fandom, ect). From there I can add or remove tags if I feel like it, but the point is to just make it more intuitive to reblog with tags. Especially because, from what I understand, that’s the only way a post will get traction.

Likes doing something: I don’t know what the point of likes are for. I think they contribute to your For You page, but I don’t look at that as often as my main dash. Maybe if likes had an effect on the main dash it could also help the problem with reblogging. Though I have no fucking clue what they would do extra if im being honest. Maybe just get rid of them entirely. They are, to say the least, pointless.

If I have any other thoughts I will just add them to this post.

[the-sprog]

The thing that cracks me up about Detective Conan is that Conan's deductions make sense, but they also work on the assumption that people are fuckign monoliths.

I just heard him call a man poor because he wore the same clothes twice.

Like, sure, that's a rich people tendency, to not do that, but also??? This was the man's private life? It wasn't a public appearance and he's not a celebrity??? So maybe he just likes that outfit??

I'll always remember the episode that has me crying laughing on the floor because one the clues was that there was perfume on the victim's clothes, like 20cm from his feet, and Shinichi "well the culprit is a woman, because it's well known that women™ spray perfume on the hem of their skirts, and the perfume of the victim is the perfect height for that. That means the culprit is indeed a woman" LIKE WHAT?? WHAT??? IM SORRY??

In the same episode he explains that he didn't want Ran to run because he knew she had karate practice and he could see that she had no bra clips things in the back. So the logical conclusion for him was that she took it off after practice and decided to go on their date forgoing it completely.

Ran yells at him because "YOU IDIOT I HAVE A SPORTS BRA ON? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THAT??"